Tag: terminator

  • Opinion In A Haystack: Looking At AVATAR

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    LOOKING AT AVATAR

    He did it. James Cameron pulled it off. All of the praise and positive quips you’ve read, heard, and watched are spot on. Avatar is a behemoth spectacle to behold, a mighty game-changing cinematic dinosaur made of fire and fueled by Jolt Cola. The all-encompassing 3D CG environment coupled with the “BEST EVER” motion-captured actors is all numbingly realistic to the point of confusion. Take one of the greatest mainstream directors of all time, let him gestate on a film’s production for over a decade, then stir in a well-used $300 million and you will get Avatar. This is hardly the misfire, dream-project that so many feared. This isn’t James Cameron’s Legend (even though I like Legend.) It has all the markings of a wet-dream-big-director-project gone wrong, yet in the equation Cameron remembered one thing, to make the movie for himself AND the audience.

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    The film is a triumph not because it’s perfect, which it isn’t, but because it’s succeeds as grand entertainment. When is the last time the public received a movie of this caliber, based on original material, with this level of passion behind it? The fact that this is an original script with a production of this magnitude, sadly, gives it a nostalgia factor of 15-20 years ago, regardless of the technology. It is a very welcomed feeling that makes us glad that Mr. Cameron is back, and worried that he will go away, possibly back to the obscurity of making ocean documentaries.

    The film’s plot, blue aliens, and overarching themes have obviously been heavily criticized for the past few months. The horrid advertising for the film should be to blame for this. What marketing department in their right mind thought that advertising a movie as “game-changing” was a good idea? Is “backlash” or “cynicism” not in their vocabulary? What is curious about all the criticism is that they are all more or less true, but not really in a detrimental form. Cameron’s script is simply playing on conventions as old as storytelling itself, which does lend the movie to being rife with cliché, but it’s cliché done well. Let’s take a closer look at the criticisms, from the point of view of someone who’s seen the flick:

    ***************EXTREMELY MILD SPOILERS**************

    Criticism 1: “It’s James Cameron’s Smurfs.”

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    The Na’vi are blue.

    They Live in the woods.

    They are peaceful.

    The villain (Humans) send a “Smurfette” (Sam Worthington) to infiltrate them.

    The “Smurfette” is won over by the love and way of life of the Na’vi (thank you Donnie Darko, and Wikipedia .)
    The “Smurfette” yearns to become one of the Na’vi.

    The male leader of the Na’vi tribe has prominent RED body adornments much like Papa Smurf. (yes, seriously.)

    Conclusion: Yes, it is sort of like James Cameron’s mega-budget-ultra-serious Smurf movie. It should be pointed out that Saturday Night Live called it first, even down to the Celine Dion/Titanic joke. SNL guessed Cameron’s next movie over a decade in advance!

    Criticism 2: “It’s the exact same movie as FernGully, even down to the message.”

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    The humans have come to sap resources (Unobtainium) from the land.

    The male lead gets physically transformed into a being much like the natives.

    A female of the forest dwellers befriends a member of the humans.

    The man and the native fall in love.

    The humans continue to collect the resources, without care or regard for the natives.

    There is a winged creature that helps the protagonists along the way.

    There is a clear message about humans destroying nature for the sake of progress.

    Conclusion: Ok, so it’s “sort of” like James Cameron’s live action FernGully remake. It probably even has more thematic/character similarities that I forgot to include, however that doesn’t mean its plagiarism. Do you honestly think James Cameron cares about, or even remembers FernGully? If so, do you think he’s seen this?

    Criticism 3: “It’s Dances With Wolves on an alien planet”¦with Smurfs”

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    I’m going to cop out and just say watch the South Park episode entitled “Dances With Smurfs.” I doubt anyone could explain it as well as Eric Cartman.

    Conclusion: As usual, South Park is pretty much on the mark.

    Criticism 4: “The Delgo Comparisons.”

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    Look at them.

    Conclusion: Yes, it is pretty similar… but what movie was in production first?

    So what does all of that mean? Is James Cameron a plagiarist? No, certainly not. FernGully and Dances With Wolves are both stories built on conventions as old as time, and none of us are going back even further to see what they were “copied” from. If you are going to insult the film for something trivial, how about for using a title font, and subtitle font that is way to close (if not exactly the same) to the corny, over-used font known as Papyrus. As for the Smurfs comparison, yes, that is humorously close. James Cameron even said he found it funny in an interview, right before he went on to insult Jar Jar Binks, which should help us to give him the benefit of the doubt. When all is said and done, even if you think he stole from these other things (which he didn’t) he took the elements and made something great with them. Do you really think for the past 15 years he has been in his basement watching FernGully, Dances With Wolves, and Smurfs DVDs, while sipping cognac and laughing maniacally about his deceptive future plans? Is the theft of FernGully really worth creating revolutionary new technology for? No offense to FernGully, but no, it isn’t.

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    This column, Opinion In A Haystack, is often overflowing with disdain for special F/X of the computer generated persuasion. Bob Rose (me) is not a fan of CG. However, the level at which Avatar’s environments work, and the nigh-photo-realistic skin texture and muscle movements achieved by Cameron’s team make it so real, that it’s just that, real. By the second half of the film, the effects aren’t even a question anymore. Avatar doesn’t feel like Sin City, Sky Captain, or 300. There’s not this constant search to see the seams because there is no seams, it is one giant cohesive visual. The 3D is not gimmicky either. It is only used as a tool of depth and space, much like how Pixar’s Up utilized it earlier this year. 3D most certainly adds to the whole experience, but even now I think 3D should still be considered a gimmick. Avatar would work in 2D just as well as it does in 3D, if it didn’t then the whole film would be a gimmick itself. I don’t really care how much Cameron, Spielberg, and Jackson back the tech of 3D, until it can be accomplished without the viewer having to wear glasses then it’s not “normal” cinema. To me there is a fear that some movies will start being produced ONLY in 3D with no 2D counterpart.

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    All the performances in the movie are top notch, perhaps except for Sam Worthington being a touch bland. The shining star of the movie is easily Stephen Lang as Colonel Miles Quaritch. Once again we have cliché in his facial-scars coupled with his hard bitten disposition, but Lang pulls out all the stops and goes for broke with the cliché. He is easily the most enjoyable character to watch through out the run time, and his physical appearance is baffling. It looks as though James Cameron told Lang to spend the last decade in physical training to play this role, it’s hard to believe that is Ike Clanton from Tombstone, or George Pickett from Gettysburg.

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    The question of whether or not this movie will prove successful is not really a concern of mine. It’s classic Cameron through and through, right down to the “revolutionary” effects, and it’s a damn entertaining flick. The downfall of this will be the aura of “pretension” surrounding it, most people will walk in thinking that Cameron himself is saying that he reinvented the reinvention of the wheel and he’s damn serious about it. However, after reading most interviews with him, he is much more concerned with the quality-entertainment aspect then the need to change cinema. He didn’t spend 15 years on a useless light show, he spent it on a story he felt people would want to experience, and how to tell that story. Avatar works because Cameron worked hard.

    Thanks for reading.

  • Toy Box: Hot Toys Terminator T-700 Sixth Scale Action Figure

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    It’s been almost four weeks since Terminator: Salvation was released to theaters, and fans and critics have not been kind. With a disappointing 33% on Rotten Tomatoes, it’s not even as well liked as the God awful Rise of the Machines.

    Ah, but Hot Toys is producing a series of sixth scale figures based on the film, and let’s face it – if it’s Hot Toys, it has to be good. They have both John Connor and Marcus Wright coming soon, as well as a very cool T-600, but the first release is the T-700.

    Hot Toys isn’t new to the Terminator license, and one of their best figures is the T-800 Endoskeleton based on Terminator 2, which they released a couple years ago. This figure came with several weapons, and set a new standard at the time for well designed articulation.

    While the T-700 is a predecessor to the T-800 we all know and love, it’s still a very similar beast, particularly under the skin. Perhaps Hot Toys realized that, because they went with a different route for this figure, stripping him of his accessories and offering him at a considerably lower price point. While you can expect to pay around $150 for most Hot Toys figures, this guy comes in at closer to $110 at most retailers.

    If you have any questions or comments, drop me a line at mwc@mwctoys.com, or check out my site at Michael’s Review of the Week – Captain Toy. Now, on to the review!

    Hot Toys T-700 sixth scale action figure

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    Packaging – ****
    While much of this figure has a been there, done that feel due to the earlier Hot Toys T-800 release, the one area that really took me by surprise was the package. This thing is way cool! It comes in a dark gray (almost black) hard foam (very hard) package, with just a top and bottom held together by a much smaller than usual outer sleeve. The foam is intricately carved, giving it a machined appearance. It’s very striking, and one of Hot Toys most innovative box designs in quite awhile.

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    Inside, you get the figure carefully packed and no twisties or other annoying encumbrances. The package is very collector friendly, with no need to damage or destroy anything in the removal of the figure.

    Sculpting – ****
    I haven’t reviewed a lot of Hot Toys figures here at QSE, but I cover quite a few at my site. And believe me, they are the finest sixth scale figures on the market today. This Endoskeleton is a thing of beauty, with sharply defined sculpting, excellent small detail work, and an amazing level of movie accuracy.

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    However, Hot Toys isn’t the first company to produce an amazing looking Endoskeleton, T-700 or otherwise. But they go beyond just the sculpt, engineering the figure to combine this amazing realism with stupendous articulation. It’s figures like this one that prove you don’t have to forfeit articulation for great looks.

    The mechanical nature of this monster requires a sharp edge to the sculpt. Pieces need to look like machined metal, not soft plastic, and here again Hot Toys manages to give us the closest thing to the real deal possible. The surface of the figure is also scored and pocked, much like wrought iron, adding to the metallic effect. You really have to see this guy in person to appreciate the work.

    I do wish he was a smidge bigger. Yea, I know. He’s the interior skeleton of a slightly larger than normal human male. So he’s not going to be quite as big as a figure with skin and muscle on him, but I would have personally preferred a little more height.

    Paint – ****
    The paint work here isn’t complex, but the potential to over do it is there, and other companies have certainly had less restraint. The temptation to try to do too much is hard to resist, but that wouldn’t make this figure better.

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    I’ve said before that the paint can improve any sculpt, and here it adds to the appearance of the metal body. Had they gone with something too shiny, that iron works style texturing wouldn’t have looked right. Instead, they’ve matched the color with the style of sculpt perfectly.

    Articulation – ****
    Other companies that produce robots or figures in armor usually throw in the towel when it comes to articulation. The pistons, gears, and other small mechanical devices makes it impossible to have useful joints, or so most people think.

    Hot Toys doesn’t believe it though, and they continue to prove that it’s possible to engineer joints that work with even the most complicated robotic sculpts. Here, the pistons move smoothly at each of the joints, especially the jaw, ball jointed neck, shoulders, wrists, elbows, waist, knees and ankles. While it might appear that there is no way these joints could have much range of movement due to the complicated nature of the mechanics, they actually do. It’s really quite impressive!

    Even the toes are articulated, and the fingers have multiple joints. There’s a joint at each knuckle, and a joint at the base of the finger that allows them to spread wider or come together close! Getting the fingers in just the right position can be a bit frustrating, and they can be a little loose at times, but you have to be impressed with the overall workmanship.

    They also seem much more stable and sturdy than the similar joints on their earlier endoskeleton. Hot Toys is improving, even when it seems like they’ve already hit perfection.

    Actually, they do still have one joint on these figures that could use a little improvement – the hips. They do move in and out from the plane of the body slightly, but not as much as I’d really like. But deducting for that after seeing all the other exceptional joints just doesn’t seem appropriate.

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    Accessories – *1/2
    While the other Terminator related figures from Hot Toys have been loaded with accessories, this guy only comes with his T-700 base, made to look like a factory platform. It’s a nice looking base, and includes a spot to connect the wire arm that could attach around his waist. I’ll be skipping the arm however, and just standing him on the base, since he has no trouble staying upright on his own. The hole for the arm is hidden well enough to make this possible.

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    Light up Feature – ***
    Like the later model that came out first, he has light up eyes. These are activated with a small, well hidden button on his back. The two small, red LED eyes are bright and clean when lit, and the wiring for this feature doesn’t get in the way of the articulation or appearance. The batteries are relatively easy to swap, and he comes with a set already installed.

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    However, one of the eyes is slightly brighter than the other, and I noticed that the batteries seem to be dying pretty fast. They are minor quibbles, but enough to pull this down a bit. I haven’t had that issue with my Iron Man figures from Hot Toys, or the first T-800, and I didn’t expect to have it here.

    Fun Factor ***
    Even with the small fingers and tiny joints, this guy is remarkably sturdy. He feels much less likely to break when you’re posing and handling than the earlier T-800 endoskeleton does. Hard to believe it, but somehow Hot Toys continues to improve.

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    That being said, breaking the smaller joints and even some of the pistons would be pretty easy if you don’t take some basic care. He’s sturdy enough that an older kid who loves the license could get some great poses out of him, but the under ten crowd would be like Sarah Connor to this guy.

    Value – **1/2
    I commend Hot Toys on finding a way to drop the price on this figure, especially since he’s similar to their earlier release. A bennie ain’t cheap no matter what though, and by dropping the accessories to drop the price, the value ends up washing out at average.

    Things to Watch Out For –
    While these joints are sturdier than I expected, you still have to take care when posing him. The fingers are especially tricky, but that’s part of the price you pay for this type of realism.

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    Overall – ***1/2
    With three key four star categories, this guy was bucking for a four star overall. I held off slightly though, because I do really, really miss any accessories, even at the lower price point. I can’t argue with the sculpt, paint or articulation, but we’ve seen this figure – almost – already once before, and I really wish we’d gotten something a little extra this time around. Hot Toys did that with their Iron Man line, where they knew that the MKII figure needed something extra, since he was so close to the MKIII (in terms of the sculpt). This time around, they cut back on the price rather than give us anything extra, and I can appreciate the sentiment…but the lack of accessories still hurts this guy for me.

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    Scoring Recap –
    Packaging – ****
    Sculpting -****
    Paint – ****
    Articulation – ****
    Accessories – *1/2
    Light Up Feature – ***
    Fun Factor – ***
    Value – **1/2
    Overall – ***1/2

    Where to Buy –
    You have a number of great online options:

    Urban Collector has a great price at $106.

    Alter Ego Comics has him at $108.

    Corner Store Comics also has it at $108.

    Show Piece Collectibles doesn’t have the T-700, but they have a great price on the T-660 at just $168. Most other sites are pre-selling this guy for around $200!

    Related Reviews:
    Check out Hot Toys previous Endoskeleton, the T-800.

  • Opinion In A Haystack: UP Makes Children Cry

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    Hollywood hates children. Well, nowadays, for the most part. The past decade has seen a decline in the realm of family films so drastic it’s almost embarrassing to behold. A constant barrage of sub-par, placating, dreck that insults the intelligence of the child and the adult they will one day grow to be. Substance and craft are no longer the main concerns for children and families, simply be garish, be happy, and NEVER be realistic in tone (DEATH DOESN’T EXIST, ONLY iPods DO!!!) The youth of today have virtually nothing to grow up with and rediscover as surprisingly well-made entertainment, all they have is films equivalent to my generation’s Masters Of The Universe (great for nostalgia, not so great for adult criticism.) They need, and deserve, more fare like Beetlejuice, Return to Oz, Gremlins, or The Neverending Story (yes, I’m bias)… films where they grow up, re-watch and think “Holy hell! This was for kids?” They are feeding them messy piles of sugary air such as Alvin and the Chipmunks, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, or Night At The Museum (1 or 2, take your pick), which are so hackneyed and sloppy that the slightest hint of adolescent logic or understanding of story structure forces them to collapse under their own faulty welds and lashings. However, in a world of film that treats kids like permanently-imbecilic-spider-monkeys, there is still Pixar.

    And Pixar has balls. SEXY. PLUMP. BALLS.

    Not even going to bother jumping on the Pixar worship-wagon here. You know, as well as I do, about their reputation and their increasingly growing catalogue of well-crafted films that are arguably genre masterpieces (Wall-E, The Incredibles) or great against all odds (Cars: completely entertaining in spite of stilted-premise and Larry The Cable Guy.) Up continues this trend, possibly in the animation house’s greatest triumph of supremely original ideas and adult-story-telling-for-kids.

    The film opens by following the life, from pre-adolescence to golden years, of Carl Fredricksen (voiced by the great Ed Asner.) He is an old man with an unfulfilled dream of adventuring in the South American wilderness and a home that is being strangled by industrial development. In short, he ties thousands upon thousands of balloons to his house and floats away, toward South America, on what is to be the last adventure of his life, one that he is forced to share with a young boy who inadvertently is on his porch during take off. Simple right? Odd right? Confusing right? Right, but it’s the approach that matters.

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    Amongst the fantastical elements in the film, the ones that can be seen in the trailer, like a house being floated by mere balloons, talking dogs, or elderly men being WAY too physically active for their own good, Up has a grounded heart and realism in place that metaphorically punches the adult-mind in the gut, and righteously, yet not viciously, sprays pepper-sauce in children’s faces (the kid next to me in the theater cried A LOT.) The movie deals with death, abandonment, and the loss of heroes at the fore front of its surface.

    ******************SPOILERS START HERE**************************

    This blunt realism kicks right off, as the beginning of the film introduces us to the epitomes of pure cuteness and naivete that are young Carl and Ellie (his future wife.) They both seek adventure and have the same hero, Charles Muntz (voiced by the legendary Christopher Plummer), and we are treated to a montage of their life together. We witness their marriage, their home life, their romance, their laughter, and eventually, their inability to conceive children (yup,) and ultimately their parting. THAT’S RIGHT. Ellie dies. Not just dies, but dies in a montage around 20 minutes or so into the film… Pixar sets you up, and knocks you down… all to the loving tunes of a soothing and sad score. All that went through my mind was “Holy hell! This is for kids?” Which, trust me, is a huge compliment.

    Pixar’s balls, by this point in the movie are already huge and pulsating, but they still get even bigger. The reason Carl even floats his home in the first place is because the government is taking it away and forcing him into a retirement-home due to him attacking a construction worker with his cane (drawing blood!) Through the course of the film we also see Carl discover that his (and Ellie’s) childhood hero is a deranged, psychopathic, MULTI-murderer and that the kid, Russell, has a deadbeat dad who basically wouldn’t care if he lives or dies… we even see dogs getting hurt and possibly killed (due to their own actions, its not Pixar’s Hostel.) Topping off the dark tones found here is a joke played on the audience that is so genius, cruel and hilarious that scriptwriter Bob Peterson must have been laughing since the day he put it on paper. I won’t spoil it for you. Heh.

    ******************END SPOILERS*******************

    Up‘s realism, risks, and complimentary attitude toward the audience is not the only positive however. In no way am I trying to sell it on the merits of making children cry alone… ok, maybe a little. It is also quite successful on all other standard fronts, and it’s got plenty of well-executed laughs and a grand vibrant color scheme. The script is extremely original, not to mention the cast of characters which includes a huge bird, Dug the Dog, and his fellow army of talking K-9 brethren. Dug is the comedic stand out of the movie, as his dialogue perfectly plays out the awkward nature of how dogs would actually sound if they could miraculously speak English. All the main players in the movie get their own small, but useful, character-arcs… even the bird (oddly the only character not able to speak.)

    The fantastical elements are handled in a way that doesn’t grate the logic. Unlike sloppy piles of confusion like the continuity, rules, or consistency of the magic tablet in Night At The Museum 2, the material here is given mystery and logic where it needs it, and glazes over where it doesn’t… which is why you wont be questioning how Muntz (Christopher Plummer) invented a collar that translates dog speak to English, or how those balloons wouldn’t remotely lift that house, let alone tear it from it’s foundation (I believe Mythbusters tested a similar idea, and it was only picking up the weight of a single child)

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    The triumph of the animation here is that Pixar does make art, but they don’t try to re-invent the wheel when the wheel is working just fine. The movie is absolutely beautiful, not as visually breath taking as Wall-E, but still it looks fantastic. The blocking of some of the scenes is incredible, the little house mushroom-topped with a cloud of balloons floating across a vast blue sky in an ultra-wide shot is iconic and slightly haunting, especially considering the “rainbow” visual of the balloons. Up, much like most of Pixar’s flicks, excels in its craft (from all angles, writing, direction, choreography) and not merely in the technology of the craft. The digital 3D print is especially gorgeous, and is highly recommended.

    It’s not often that a bitter old grump like me sees a film and can’t find too much negative to say about it. If I had to really rack my brain, I guess I could say the only problem was that maybe the movie makes Carl too much of a physical action hero at times, considering his age, but it’s handled with such care in the narrative of the movie, so its not a big deal, and certainly not out-weighing the good. This is probably Pixar’s least marketable film yet, being so morbid an odd. The less broad they get, the better they get…which is kind of a mind boggler when concerning Pixar… how do they continue to get better? How? In this case most of the praise should be directed toward director Pete Doctor, who some how improved on his wonderful Monsters Inc. with this new offering.

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    Also, just to put things into perspective, this review was written by someone who doesn’t even honestly like computer-generated animation at all, and who has really never publicly “sucked off” Pixar. Up was just class-A entertainment, and perhaps an arguable masterpiece in the family film genre. It’s good to know that this generation has at least a few movies, like Up, to grow older with and re-watch and see the adult themes, the quality craftsmanship and exclaim “This was for kids?”

    QUICK THOUGHTS AND RANDOM BITS

    Star Trek: a few weeks later…

    J.J. Abrams’s Star Trek was great fun. As a die hard Original-Cast-film fan, still have no debilitating complaints… except, upon further reflection… it was great, but it really just isn’t Star Trek. Long Live Shatner.

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    Annoyed at “revisiting” reviews

    Something that grates on the nerves is when an old franchise is resurrected (Terminator) or announced to be resurrected (Ghostbusters) and we have to sit through a plethora of reviews, rants, and ravings by young-ins saying how the originals (T1, T2, Ghostbusters) are overrated in the first place. Just want to say: SHUT UP JUNIOR! Your ill-informed meandering is not making your CGI-raped re-imagining any less horrendous.

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    What’s in a name?

    If you hate McG, director of Terminator Salvation, simply because of his name then your opinion is invalid. First, his real name is McGinty, “McG” is the nickname given to him by his family… it’s not a self-chosen moniker due to douchebaggery. Second, hate him because his movies are sub-par… even though to hear the guy talk it really seems like he is actually trying, just failing miserably.

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    Exterminators exterminate… so Terminators should… ?

    If you are going to make Terminator 4, if you just can’t help but do it, and you have to make it a heaping pile of poorly constructed blandness… could you at least follow the one rule that even the hokey Terminator 3 didn’t break? If a Terminator, no matter what make or model, gets its hands on a human, don’t let the machine give a dramatic pause, don’t let the machine just “play around” with them, let them INSTANTLY kill. Terminator 1-3 never let the villains even touch the targets… why? Because they are terminators, they would terminate at all costs. Why couldn’t you at least follow this logic? Why sir?

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    It works in Reno, but not at the multiplex.

    Robert Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon, You were great writers on The State, and are hilarious writers on Reno 911!, so how come every time you make the leap to film its completely dreadful? Taxi (the Queen Latifah movie), Balls of Fury, The Pacifier, Let’s Go To Prison, Herbie Fully Loaded, Night at the Museum, Night at the Museum 2: Battle for the Smithsonian… Your film work reads like the listings for a multiplex in the deepest circles of hell… what is going on there guys?

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    There is always room for Jell-O… and more Bitterness!

    Got into an argument with a young “film buff” who was saying that The Dark Knight and Iron Man are better films then The Outlaw Josey Wales, Akira Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai, and Apocalypse Now. Is there any hope for the future?

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  • The Greatest Movie Blog Of All Time: Terminator Starvation

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    TERMINATOR: STARVATION

    terminatorThe year is 2018. Skynet has risen and the few humans left (Terminator: Salvation makes it seem that there are only a handful of humans remaining) are trying to win the war against the machines. This is a few years before John Conner (Christian Bale) will acquire his legendary status and he comes across a new kind of enemy. Unfortunately, this is not the core of the film. Conner doesn’t even seem to be the primary character. Mostly, we follow Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington), an apparently resurrected man who was lethally injected after serving time on death row in 2003 (For a crime that is never explained). He awakens fifteen years later, having not aged a minute, and befriends a young Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin), the future father of John Conner. Reese is soon kidnapped by the machines and Conner is forced to trust Wright in rescuing his dad.

    I tried to find a way to eloquently put into words the way I feel about this film and the following is what I came up with. Enjoy.

    Oh, Terminator: Salvation
    When you were announced, it scared me
    There was no cause for celebration
    And you were going to be directed by McG

    But my interest was ignited
    With the casting of Christian Bale
    And I will admit that I got excited
    When the trailer was unveiled

    So when the lights went down
    My eyes lit up
    But what I actually found
    Was that you really did suck

    The story was bland
    Common sense you were ignoring
    The acting was far from grand
    In fact, it was quite boring

    You took away the depth
    The legend you have devoured
    Maybe you could have saved yourself
    But you didn’t utilize Bryce Dallas Howard

    So when they captured Kyle Reese
    Why hasn’t he died yet?
    With that single little piece
    It would  be victory for Skynet

    You tried to be clever
    But smart you were not
    With in-jokes during the bad weather
    But unintentional laughs were all you got

    But I have to say
    There are a couple reasons why I would recommend it
    At the end of the day
    The cinematography was absolutely splendid

    And I also cannot lie
    I may give it another visit
    Because I won’t even try
    To say the action scenes were not exquisite

    But that wasn’t enough
    At least not for me
    I had to deal with enough stuff
    While watching Terminator 3

    Go ahead McG, ask the main man
    You know this is not what Cameron intended
    Obviously, I’m not a fan
    But at least Michael Ironside was in it

    So I’m quite disappointed with you
    I wish I could keep our relationship intact
    But if Terminator Salvation is the best you can do
    Please, I beg you, don’t come back

    VROOOM!

    *MINOR SPOILER TO FOLLOW*
    So that is my review, but there is one more thing I would like to comment on. In the last bit of the film, a T-800 arrives. A real T-800, with the face of Arnold Schwarzenegger. It doesn’t 100% work, but it’s pretty damn close. I’m not sure of the specifics of how they did this (apparently they CGI’d Arnold’s face onto someone else’s body), but I think it’s a great achievement. It leads me to wonder how close we are to being able to do this on a consistent basis. How many actors will we be able to replicate? I’m not saying that computer graphics will overtake actors anytime in the future. We still need the personal connections to a role, the emotions, and so forth, but if someone were to use this in a different way, what could happen? Is it possible that we will sit in a theater one day and see Jimmy Stewart chasing Tom Cruise? Or maybe Cary Grant investigating George Clooney? The possibilities would be literally endless. I’m extremely interested to see where this goes.

    -Jesse Rivers would love to see a Jackie Chan/Ingrid Bergman movie.

    And, as always, check out Bagged and Boarded.

  • Terminator: Salvation 3 3/4 Action Figures

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    You’d have to be living under a rock, and it would have to be a pretty big rock at that, to not realize that May is the movie month for 2009. There’s some potentially great films coming out later this summer, including G.I. Joe, Harry Potter and Transformers 2, but May has four big ones hitting us that are all required viewing.

    One of the four is Terminator: Salvation, the fourth film in the story of Skynet and the destruction of the human race. Opening on the 21st (a Thursday), this film takes us back…uh, forward…in time to the early days of the war, before the T-800 was developed, when the first T-600 and T-700 Terminators were terrorizing the Resistance.

    The current brouhaha over the movie has to do with the MPAA rating. Most assumed it would be R, just like the first three films in the franchise. The trailer certainly appears to have R-like tendencies. But recent rumors have it at a PG-13, and this has caused quite the stir. Some have said that the Terminator:Salvation toy line is part of the reasoning for Warner Brothers to push for the lighter rating, in an attempt to get at least some kids indoctrinated in the film franchise. But plenty of R rated movies have had toy lines in the past, and if you swing by your local Toys R Us right now you can find Watchmen action figures, clearly a movie not intended for kids. The mere existence of a toy line does not indicate the rating, but it does tend to indicate the amount of whining some parents may do.

    Playmates Toys, probably best known for there long running Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Star Trek and World of Springfield action figure lines, picked up the license for the Terminator: Salvation toys. They are producing action figures in three scales – 3 3/4″, 6″ and 10″. I’ve already covered several of the 6″ figures over at my site, and I’ll be hitting up at least one of the 10″ versions as well. This week here at QSE I’m looking at four of the 3 3/4″ figures, including the T-600, T-700, T-R.I.P. and Marcus.

    If you have any questions of comments, drop me a line at mwc@mwctoys.com or visit my site, Michael’s Review of the Week – Captain Toy.

    Terminator: Salvation – 1/18th action figures

    Just to keep things straight in the review, the T-600 is the huge endo with the skin and clothes, Marcus is the much smaller endo with skin and clothes, the T-700 is the dark endo, and the T-R.I.P. is the brighter silver endo pictured below. Although I can’t be sure, I’m assuming the T-R.I.P. is a T-800 prototype of some sort.

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    These figures are about 1/18th scale, also often called 3 3/4″ although most figures in this scale (like Star Wars or Indiana Jones) are generally closer to 4″ tall.

    Packaging – ***
    The packaging matches the larger scale 6″ line, with good golor and bright graphics, but it comes across a tad cartoonish. I like the inclusion of a little personalization on the front bubble (there’s a very small bio of each character), and showing the whole series on the cardback is good. The big downside is the ridiculous number of twist ties for this scale figure, with arms, legs and even torsos often strapped in place.

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    Sculpting – T-700, T-R.I.P. ***; T-600, Marcus **1/2
    I was pretty hard on the non Endoskeleton 6″ figures in this series, and with good reason. Even the Endos were pretty mediocre, but in this smaller scale, I’m liking the whole bunch a lot better.

    One of my major grips with the 6″ T-600 was the extremely cartoon-like styling of the skin covered head. Some folks ragged me, saying of course it was cartoonish, because it was supposed to look fake. The 3 3/4″ figure makes my point for me though – it DOES look fake here, just like it should, but doesn’t look like it could double as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle bad guy. Both this version and the 10″ version have the proper look to the skin, while the 6″ fails completely. Considering how much smaller this figure is, that’s no small feat.

    However, he still has one issue in common with his larger brother – he’s huge. He stands just over 5″ tall, making him about 8 feet tall in true 1/18th scale. Both Marcus and the Endos are almost 4″ tall though, so it isn’t *quite* that bad, but he’s still gargantuan compared to them. I don’t think the fake skin, no matter how realistic, would fool anyone into thinking a T-600 was a person.

    The work on the clothing is better than on the larger scale figure too, another plus in his favor. He has less clothing (the pants are ripped up a bit more) which helps quite a bit. There’s a few weird, unrealistic rips (did someone take a bit out of the hood?), but it’s still an improvement.

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    The T-700 and T-R.I.P. look to have the same sculpt as the larger versions, but as you might expect, when you shrink down a sculpt the detailing improves. There’s still soft areas, particularly with the T-700. Because the paint is so dark, and because there’s no wash to bring out the detail, much of it is lost visually.

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    Both of the Endos are about 4″ tall, making them fit in much better with other modern lines in this scale (like Star Wars) than the other Playmates 1/18th line on the shelf right now, Star Trek. That’s good news, since one of the biggest attractions to this smaller scale is putting figures from different licenses together. They’re still a smidge shrimpy, but it’s not a major issue.

    My biggest issue with both Endos in this category is the forearms. They are long to begin with, and because of the lack of a wrist joint, the hand and forearm become one piece visually, making them appear even longer. It throws off the proportions somewhat on an otherwise solid job.

    It’s worth pointing out that both are sculpted with open mouths, a complaint I know lots of folks have had with the Endos in all the scales. I don’t mind, but you might not be as forgiving.

    Of the various scale Marcus figures I’ve seen so far, this one is my favorite. That doesn’t mean he’s great, but he’s an improvement over the other versions out there.

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    The likeness isn’t great, but half the face is damaged, showing off the underlying endo parts. The detailing on these robotic sections is quite good, although they look nothing like a T-700, which is what I assume (perhaps incorrectly) he is.

    I did have a couple sculpt issues, however. The biggest one is a weird warp to the lower half of the left leg. I don’t think it’s just from the insert tray (although it could be due to a bad package design), because there’s no gapping at the joint on either side. The leg looks like it is actually designed to bend slightly off to the side, and it makes it tough to get him to stand properly.

    They cheaped out a bit on his hands too. The left and right hand are both sculpted as though they are exposed endoskeleton, but the right hand is painted flesh colored with a painted glove. It stands out, even at this scale.

    Finally, the boots are a bit wonky. The idea is that one has the pant leg tucked in, while the other has the pant leg hanging down over half the boot. Unfortunately, the sculpt doesn’t really translate. Because of the way the edge between the pant leg and boot is sculpted on both sides, they both look like the leg is tucked in, making it look like he’s wearing two different boots.

    Paint – Marcus **1/2; the others ***
    Again, keep in mind the scale here. The detailing is quite good, especially for a mass market line.

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    The T-R.I.P. is the basic silver, but has a nice wash to bring out the sculpting. He also has very cool eyes, painted with some sort of reflective paint. Notice how on both he and the T-700, the eyes look lit up in the photos, but they aren’t. Unlike the larger versions, there’s no plastic tubes to bring light down to the eyes, but the bright paint appears to glow even in normal room light.

    As I mentioned in the Sculpt section, much of the detail work on the T-700 is lost since the paint is so dark. However, that dark contrast makes his glowing eyes stand out even more.

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    The paint work on the T-600 is a little less cartoonish than the larger scale figure, and there’s a wash used on the pants to make them a little less goofy looking. Thankfully, the pelvis is actually painted the right color too! The same wash on the endo parts brings out the finer details there, making this version a huge improvement over the 6″ figure.

    Marcus also has a solid paint job, although he has fewer details. The overall figure (both clothing and endo sections) lacks any wash, making him look a bit cheaper than the other three. The cut lines and general quality of the paint work is decent, but he lacks some of the visual pop of the others. He’s reasonable considering the price point, but nothing special.

    Articulation – T-700, T-R.I.P., T-600 ***; Marcus **1/2
    These are fairly well articulated for this scale, with just a few issues holding them back.

    Marcus had the most potential, but the wonky legs end up hurting him. He is the only one to have a ball jointed neck, and it works quite well. He also has ball jointed shoulders (pin/post style), pin/post elbows, and cut wrists, making his arms quite poseable. He adds in a cut waist, single pin knees, and T hips.

    With just the T hips and single pin knees, there’s not much you can do with the legs, and because of the warping of the right one, he has trouble standing. This ends up pulling him down slightly over the other three.

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    The T-600 has a cut neck, which is fine since he’d be a pretty stiff guy in person. He has the same style shoulders as Marcus, with single pin elbows and cut wrists. That means his forearms can’t move inward and outward from the body, making his arms a little less poseable. He finishes off with the same cut waist, single pin knees, and T hips. He really needs some sort of cut joint on the legs to improve his overall posability, but he stands great on his own in basic stances.

    The T-700 and T-R.I.P. have identical articulation. Neither has any neck joint, but like their skin covered cousins, they have pin/post swivel shoulders. They also have pin/post elbows, which allow for the arms to move inward, very useful with these figures. Unfortunately, they lack cut wrists, making it tough for them to hold the large gun properly.

    They have simple pin hips, much like the T hips on the other figures, and single pin knees. Perhaps it’s surprising because of the tiny feet, but they stand great on their own in a number of poses.

    Accessories – ***
    Most figures in this scale come with one accessory, maybe two if you’re really lucky. Three of the four here have two plastic accessories, plus one paper accessory.

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    The T-700 comes with a large scale rifle, which can be held in either hand, although straddling it across is hands is the best way to keep him standing. Unfortunately, due to the lack of wrist articulation mentioned earlier, he can’t really hold it properly in both hands, but he can approximate the look.

    He also has a beat up and bent steel girder that he can use to pound on various resistance fighters, or Stormtroopers, your choice. Like the gun, this can fit in either or both hands. It’s a pretty small girder, but it’s a nice change of pace from the steel pipe that was in the 6″ series.

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    The T-R.I.P. comes with two guns, but both are pistols, one much smaller than the other. While I’m betting we see these actual guns at some point in the film, I really would have rather gotten a larger cannon style weapon. He can hold both guns at once for some rip roarin’, shootin’ tootin’ poses.

    The T-600 has the same large Gatling style cannon that his 6″ cousin carries. The ammo back pack is removable, as is the ammo clip. The gun fits tightly to his arm, and looks great in most poses.

    Also like the 6″ scale, each comes with a Topps movie trading card. They are high quality, high gloss cards, but they are identical to the ones you get with the same characters in the larger scale. On top of that, you know my general disdain for paper extras. This kind of stuff almost always ends up in a junk box.

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    Fun Factor – Marcus ***; the rest ***1/2
    Figures in this scale are always one thing if nothing else – fun. Because these are more in line in both style and size with other current 1/18th lines, these can easily be added to any display or play scenario with the likes of Star Wars, Indiana Jones or Narnia. Kid’s would probably end up frustrated with Marcus’ weird legs, but the other three would make for terrific bad guys, and are sturdy enough to stand up to normal sandbox play.

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    Value – ***
    These guys will run you around $7 at most stores, about a buck cheaper than many other well known licenses in this scale. On top of that, you’re getting a reasonably good set of accessories, adding to the value. Slightly better articulation, and these would have gotten another half star here.

    Things to Watch Out For –
    Not much. You’ll want to check those paint ops carefully when picking them off the peg of course, but once you have them in hand, you should be issue free.

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    Overall – T-700, T-R.I.P. ***; T-600, Marcus **1/2
    These are quite a bit better than the 3 3/4″ Star Trek line from Playmates, also on pegs right now, and they’re a bit better than I’ve seen most folks giving them credit for. They aren’t amazing by any means, and the work from someone like Mezco in this scale (who did the Hellboy in the photo) blows them away, but the two clean Endoskeletons will fit in pretty well with most other modern 1/18th lines. Marcus doesn’t do much for me, especially with the wonky legs, and the huge, towering T-600 looks like he belongs in another line. But if you’re looking for a basic Endo to go with your Star Wars figures, you should grab the T-R.I.P. or the T-700.

    Scoring Recap –
    Packaging – ***
    Sculpting – T-700, T-R.I.P. ***; T-600, Marcus **1/2
    Paint – Marcus **1/2; the others ***
    Articulation – T-600, T-700, T-R.I.P. ***; Marcus **1/2
    Accessories – ***
    Fun Factor – Marcus ***; the rest ***1/2
    Value – ***
    Overall – T-700, T-R.I.P. ***; T-600, Marcus **1/2

    Where to Buy –
    Plenty of local retailers should have these, including Toys R Us and Target. Expect to pay around $7 each. online options include:

    Entertainment Earth has them by the case of 12 for $91, or about $7.60 each.

    – For the UK folks, Forbidden Planet has them individually for about 6 GBP each.

  • Opinion In A Haystack: Buck Shots – Round 2

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    Money Shot (Wikipedia): provocative, sensational, or memorable sequence in a film, on which the film’s commercial performance is perceived to depend.

    Buck Shot: moments on which a film’s cheese-factor is based, often underlining the tone of the entire production and providing the viewer with the opposite effect intended.

    Round 2: WET MUSCLES AND DOOKIE!!!

    (Here’s Round 1)

    No Holds Barred (1989) ““ HULK HOGAN PONDERS A FAMILIAR SCENT

    Tag Lines:

    • No Ring. No Ref. No Rules.
    • The battle of the super tough guys.

    Who would have thought that only 19 years after No Holds Barred that a celebrated filmmaker, Darren Aronofsky, would take the subject of wrestling and make an Oscar worthy piece of art along side one of the greatest comeback performances in the history of cinema? The end of 2008 has brought us a film, The Wrestler, which proves that no genre is too silly or maligned to not only be salvaged, but perfected to the point of beauty. However, in no way does this take any of the joy out of watching a genius piece of camp like No Holds Barred, easily Hulk Hogan’s greatest screen performance (right above Suburban Commando of course.)

    NHB, as it’s called on the streets, is one of those glorious titles that is made up of almost 100% Buck Shots. This is due to several competing factors. Hogan’s plethora of skin tight, rainbow tinted, spandex outfits worn through out the film to Tiny Lister’s extremely heavy breathing every second he is in frame to the great Kurt Fuller playing an evil fight promoter that calls everyone a “JOCKASS,” this movie is brimming with endless moments of pure delight. All of this is complimented by the awesome 80’s fight scenes, the rouges gallery of silly contestants, the title of the film’s fight competition: THE BATTLE OF THE TOUGH GUYS (yeah, no joke) and the single greatest “poopy scene” of the entire decade. The plot is simple. Hulk Hogan, showing his acting range, plays the world wrestling champion named Rip. His catch phrase is, you guessed it: “RIP “˜EM!” He is challenged to a NO HOLDS BARRED fight by an ex-convict named Zeus, played to hardcore perfection by Tiny Lister (best known as Debo from Friday, or the President from The Fifth Element.) Rip initially refuses to fight him, but eventually gives in due to various factors and they have an all out brawl in which no holds, NONE, are barred.

    Hindsight is 20/20, and it is easy to look back on movies like this and laugh, but I will admit that I unabashedly love this movie in all its zany, kick ass, and slightly homosexual tension. It might be because of the camp, it might be the nostalgia, but I love it. Sue me. I even own the VHS and One sheet. You need to have a firm grasp on crap to know the opposite of such, and there is a lot of crap that is truly great”¦No Holds Barred being that very crap. So as someone who knows every inch of this Rocky 3-rip-off-cheesy-wrestling masterpiece I can safely say that the following scene is the greatest moment of its run time. Here we have Hogan, LITERALLY, explode out the top of the top of the limo in which he is being held captive. The heavy guitar starts up, Hulk begins throwing bad guys left and right. He tosses two full grown men completely over the limo, then one into the windshield, then back-punches a guy through the passenger window, followed by stuffing another bad-dude into the roof hole. The violent rage is just too much for the driver, as he sits in fear of what the Hulkster will do next. Hogan pulls the driver out of the car”¦and”¦well”¦one of the greatest dialogue exchanges of all time then occurs between them. The actor playing the limo driver has the edge here for most “buck-shoty,” but Hulk’s use of breathing and overblown eye movements keep him right up there as well. It’s one of those “How did this make the cut and what were they thinking?” moments. Watch:

    R.O.T.O.R. (1989) ““ R.O.T.O.R. vs. BOB’S COUNTRY BUNKER

    Tag Line:

    • Judge, Jury, and Executioner.

    R.O.T.O.R. or, more specifically, the Robotic Officer of the Tactical Operations Research unit is probably the best example of the sheer glut of uninspired low budget dreck that was churned out during the VHS boom all those centuries ago. No part of this movie is even remotely original. The poster, as admittedly awesome as it is, is completely stolen from Mad Max. The plot is completely ripped from Terminator, sans the time travel. The only reason one can’t rag on it for stealing Judge Dredd‘s tagline is that it was released prior. Also, the title is excessively annoying to type due to the damn periods.

    I was lucky enough to stumble onto the destruction path of R.O.T.O.R. through the miracle of Cinemax circa 2000. My friend, I shall refer to him as Pie, caught it around the same time and both of us marveled at how downright awful it was. Luckily the video store I was managing had a VHS copy so I could spread the joy among the unenlightened. It’s mostly (mostly…not totally) boring, incompetent and completely devoid of coherence. As Pie pointed out, the entire film seems to be completely over dubbed with separate audio, and upon further viewings it became exceedingly obvious that the editors chucked out some underlying story lines which culminated in the main character getting shot in the back while walking to his car AFTER the R.O.T.O.R. was dead and gone. I’ve watched the movie all the way through about three times and still don’t understand why exactly that happens, but it makes it all the funnier.

    The plot is a tale as old as time. A “special unit” laboratory creates a police robot to fight crime, something goes wrong, robot malfunctions, robot drives away on it’s motorcycle and begins murdering innocents that don’t realize he is, in fact, a robot. If only all Sci-fi characters would heed the words of Jeff Goldblum: “your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.” However they don’t heed those words and this is what happens”¦a robot with a mustache punches them in the face.

    As boring and uneventful as the film is, there are at least 3 solid Buck Shots to be found in it, so expect for this title to pop up again in a future entry. The scene I have chosen is easily my favorite of the whole movie, when R.O.T.O.R. attacks the diner. The obvious cheapness displayed in this clip gives you a feel of the whole production. Things to pay attention to are the constantly looping synthetic music, the shiny bald eagle sticker on R.O.T.O.R.’s helmet and the cook’s painfully fake front teeth and country accent, perhaps the only sign that the movie was laughing at it self (or was it?) The best moment is of course when the super strong R.O.T.O.R. tries to attack a waitress, but is hindered by the featherweight tables. As she runs away, three “good ole boys” mosey on in, each of them prepared to take down the evil cop in their own fashion. The first guy is the ignorant redneck brawler, who sexually harasses the waitress as she panics in fear, then immediately tries slugging the Robot whom he addresses as a “Faggot city cop.” The second guy, surprisingly, knows karate”¦which of course is no match for the likes of the R.O.T.O.R. Then of course, the third dude steps up to the plate. He stands around 6 feet tall with a hair helmet and a 3 inch thick mustache. He proudly questions the R.O.T.O.R. “How about a real man now, asshole?” He then proceeds (I’m giggling as I type this) to rip off his pre-torn shirt, give a huge bicep flex display, then grabs the R.O.T.O.R. in the most sexually tensioned “are they going to make out?” manner possible. It’s quite the sight. Also, all of this is done in one master shot, only cutting away once”¦very artistic, almost documentary style (I will admit that the slow move-in shot on the Robot in the doorway is pretty bad ass, I’ll give them that.) I think that the slo-mo at the end of the clip works wonders here:


    That’s all for round 2…Thanks for reading!