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TERMINATOR: STARVATION

terminatorThe year is 2018. Skynet has risen and the few humans left (Terminator: Salvation makes it seem that there are only a handful of humans remaining) are trying to win the war against the machines. This is a few years before John Conner (Christian Bale) will acquire his legendary status and he comes across a new kind of enemy. Unfortunately, this is not the core of the film. Conner doesn’t even seem to be the primary character. Mostly, we follow Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington), an apparently resurrected man who was lethally injected after serving time on death row in 2003 (For a crime that is never explained). He awakens fifteen years later, having not aged a minute, and befriends a young Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin), the future father of John Conner. Reese is soon kidnapped by the machines and Conner is forced to trust Wright in rescuing his dad.

I tried to find a way to eloquently put into words the way I feel about this film and the following is what I came up with. Enjoy.

Oh, Terminator: Salvation
When you were announced, it scared me
There was no cause for celebration
And you were going to be directed by McG

But my interest was ignited
With the casting of Christian Bale
And I will admit that I got excited
When the trailer was unveiled

So when the lights went down
My eyes lit up
But what I actually found
Was that you really did suck

The story was bland
Common sense you were ignoring
The acting was far from grand
In fact, it was quite boring

You took away the depth
The legend you have devoured
Maybe you could have saved yourself
But you didn’t utilize Bryce Dallas Howard

So when they captured Kyle Reese
Why hasn’t he died yet?
With that single little piece
It would  be victory for Skynet

You tried to be clever
But smart you were not
With in-jokes during the bad weather
But unintentional laughs were all you got

But I have to say
There are a couple reasons why I would recommend it
At the end of the day
The cinematography was absolutely splendid

And I also cannot lie
I may give it another visit
Because I won’t even try
To say the action scenes were not exquisite

But that wasn’t enough
At least not for me
I had to deal with enough stuff
While watching Terminator 3

Go ahead McG, ask the main man
You know this is not what Cameron intended
Obviously, I’m not a fan
But at least Michael Ironside was in it

So I’m quite disappointed with you
I wish I could keep our relationship intact
But if Terminator Salvation is the best you can do
Please, I beg you, don’t come back

VROOOM!

*MINOR SPOILER TO FOLLOW*
So that is my review, but there is one more thing I would like to comment on. In the last bit of the film, a T-800 arrives. A real T-800, with the face of Arnold Schwarzenegger. It doesn’t 100% work, but it’s pretty damn close. I’m not sure of the specifics of how they did this (apparently they CGI’d Arnold’s face onto someone else’s body), but I think it’s a great achievement. It leads me to wonder how close we are to being able to do this on a consistent basis. How many actors will we be able to replicate? I’m not saying that computer graphics will overtake actors anytime in the future. We still need the personal connections to a role, the emotions, and so forth, but if someone were to use this in a different way, what could happen? Is it possible that we will sit in a theater one day and see Jimmy Stewart chasing Tom Cruise? Or maybe Cary Grant investigating George Clooney? The possibilities would be literally endless. I’m extremely interested to see where this goes.

-Jesse Rivers would love to see a Jackie Chan/Ingrid Bergman movie.

And, as always, check out Bagged and Boarded.

Comments:

8 Responses to “The Greatest Movie Blog Of All Time: Terminator Starvation”

  1. Brian Says:

    This movie never had a chance to live up to the expectations of the hardcore fans…… fucking McG!

    At least the review didn’t suck ass.

  2. Jacen Says:

    Jesse, normally I see pretty close to eye to eye with you. I’m usually rooting for you on Bagged and Boarded. (Sorry Matt. you’re still a funny funny guy.) But I gotta disagree with you on this one. After T3, I fully expected to hate this movie. And while it was not even close to being as good as T2, it was so much better than T3 that I couldn’t help but like it.

    It wasn’t nearly as dark as the next two should be, but since it’s the first film of a trilogy, it’s not supposed to be. The only thing I was really put off by, was the last 5 minutes of the film. That ending was horrible. And had I judged the whole movie by the “sacrifice” idea, I probably would of hated it too. But I suppose it’s better than the ending they had planned…….

  3. Deacon Says:

    I’m whole heartedly with Jesse on this review, it’s a completely horrible movie.

    1) How do you make a movie about the post-Judgement Day resistance and NOT make John Connor the main character?
    2) There is virtually no back story with regards to Marcus Wright
    3) Bryce Dallas Howard’s character is completely useless
    4) If Skynet has Kyle Reese in custody, and Kyle Reese is the father of John Connor, and they want to kill John Connor. Why was Kyle Reese allowed to live?!

    The Terminator motorcycles were kinda cool, though.

  4. Andrew Says:

    I can’t say I completely disliked this movie, coming off of T3, it’s fairly easy to make a better film. That being said, I do think a lot of the acing was forced, even my love for Common couldn’t save me from cringing at his delivery at times. I think it had been said that Christian Bale wasn’t going to be the lead of this film but would be the lead in the next two back when it was announced so his being missing from a lot of the film didn’t surprised me. I do think that they might want to consider a stronger director for the next two films if they want finishing this thing up with a bang, and even with good action sequences I still didn’t have that sense of suspense I felt when I first saw that a big rig came cashing down from overpass like in T2. All in all I saw it was a decent start but it could have and should have been better, here’s to hoping the next two films reinvigorate this franchise.

  5. Robie Says:

    After the piece of crap that was T3, this movie was not that bad. Sure there was a lot wrong, but at least it wasn’t T3.

    The biggest problem I’ve had with the post T2 movies is they completely ignore the whole point of the first 2 “There is no fate but the one you make”. Judgement day never happened after T2. If you can forget that one point, its pretty easy to enjoy Salvation. Just try and turn the logic portion of your brain off as most summer blockbuster require.

  6. Deacon Says:

    If y’all like the movie, that’s great. You got your money’s worth. But to say, “oh c’mon, it wasn’t as bad as T3!” isn’t much of a compliment. The bar ain’t that high.

  7. Jacen Says:

    I agree Deacon, being better than T3 isn’t a good justification for liking this movie. But I would argue that T3 set the bar so damn low, that it was going to be hard not to be able to clear it.

    That being said…in response to your points….

    1)I really liked that the focus wasn’t on John Connor. It was too easy to expect to see John in the role we had always heard about in the other films. As if everything was all gold for Connor the minute the bombs dropped and he claimed to be in charge of Crystal Peak. As if the surviving military was just gonna get down and let this kid call the shots. Instead, we see John’s first real steps to taking control of the resistance and earning the loyalty and respect of those who’d follow him.

    (It’s also good to keep in mind that this was the first film of a trilogy, which is usually just setting up the pieces for the audience. I mean, C’mon, Luke Skywalker wasn’t really a bad ass until the third film….remarkable pilot sure…but the black cloak and confidence was utterly awesome because we had three movies building up to that point.)

    2)I didn’t really feel cheated by the lack of backstory on Marcus. I knew all I really needed to know. I did fully expect the obligatory “this is my tragic story” moment. But wasn’t really upset when it didn’t come. We know that something happened to his brother and that he’s responsible, but the fact that he doesn’t ever really tell the tale, feels more believable to me.

    3)Couldn’t agree more. She was severely underutilized. But who can really say if that’s a bad thing or not, until we see how everything plays out in the entire trilogy. I’ve gotta admit, that I’m not really a big fan of the Kate Brewster character anyway.

    4)You can look at it in any number of ways. Personally, I think that Skynet felt that Kyle Reese was a strong card to play in order to lure John Connor in for Termination. Killing Kyle Reese off hand, might not have totally solved hte problem, either. Worst case scenario, Kyle dies, and an alternate timeline is created, but the present time line would probably still have John Connor to contend with. Skynet would still be playing to win in it’s current timeline, right? This is where the headaches tend to kick in, when it comes to time travel movies.

  8. Natedawg Says:

    Yeah I got a chuckle out of the Arnold cameo too, but christ I wish id just stop getting sucked in by all the hype that were dished about movies. I just saw it cuz my friends wanted to see it, so… I guess the old saying about friends and cliffs still aplies today.

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