FRED Entertainment

May 31, 2007

Party Favors: Remembering Charles Nelson Reilly

Filed under: Columns,Joe Corey's Party Favors — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:16 am

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partyfavors2007-05-31.jpgVATICAN CITY – Forget fast tracking Pope John Paul II and Mother Teresa; this week Pope Benedict needs to toss out the rules and canonize Charles Nelson Reilly as the Patron Saint of Quips.

This is not the first time that people have declared Charles Nelson Reilly a religious icon. Many a misspent night was accompanied by the Dead Milkmen’s “Serrated Edge.” Rodney had it right when he sang of a Charles Nelson Reilly orgy with 15 girls. But he was wrong when he called Reilly, “Just another greedy actor on the late late show!”

Reilly didn’t make that many movies that ended up on the air at 3 am. For a majority of Americans, Reilly occupied the last seat of the top row on Match Game. In the era before the internet, a bunch of us always debated what the hell did Charles do to become famous enough to get on a game show. We knew Richard Dawson deserved the middle chair below for his valiant work against the Nazis on Hogan’s Heroes. But Charles? Since there was no easy reference books that work like imdb or wikipedia, we didn’t know that he was a Broadway superstar. He won a Tony. He was respected by his peers. We didn’t know that. We just knew him as the guy from Match Game. Technically, he played the evil magician Hoodoo on Sid & Marty Krofft’s Lidsville before his tenure on the gameshow, but the ’70s were a time of excess and drugs – especially for those of us in elementary school. It also didn’t hurt that they reran old Saturday morning Krofft shows for decades so childhood memories blurred in college – especially when mixed with Boone’s Farm Strawberry wine.

As messed up as we were in third grade during the 70s, a few of us thought that Charles and Brett Somers were married. The two of them had amazing chemistry – like that aunt and uncle that show up at weddings and get liquored up during the reception. They knew how to embarrass each other. Nothing was off base between the two. They were hilarious as they ribbed each other during the show. They seemed like the perfect old married couple. Always knowing how to poke without punching. How could we not know that Charles was gay? Some call it denial, but I never thought anyone would have sex with Charles. Back in the 70s, after a person turned 50, they stopped having sex. You might not know it, but Logan’s Run was a documentary. It made sense that even though Brett and Charles weren’t sexual in their relationship, they’d still be married.

Has science ever determined how many young men discovered their true sexual nature from identifying with Charles on Match Game and Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares? Were these two men a litmus test for a generation? I wouldn’t know because I felt a bond with Richard Dawson since he always had the answers that made the money.

Reilly represents a time that’s no longer permitted on TV. He’d be smoking a cigar, tipsy from between show cocktails and saying really questionable stuff as “answers.” He lived on the edge of broadcast standards. He was no mild George Gobel. He’s the type of performer that today gets thousands of emailed complaints to the FCC from James Dobson and his Focus on the Family pitbulls. How dare the children of America be exposed to such a person! In an America where the FCC fined millions for a barely exposed, nearly covered by a piercing nipple, Reilly would have bankrupted CBS with his scarf, pipe and captain’s hat.

Charles wasn’t afraid to expose his vanity on the show. On one episode he showed up late because he was having hair plugs. He didn’t lie. Although he’d tell the truth with such theatrics that you couldn’t believe it. He would have made a perfect presidential spokesman.

The nice thing is that after Match Game ended, Charles didn’t disappear into the woodwork. He returned to live acting. I’ve worked with a few of his dramatic pupils. They all had praise for his techniques. He didn’t merely teach the kids to squawk like Uncle Croc. He became Tony nominated as a director. He popped up in various places on TV. My favorite was his X-Files episode: “Jose Chung’s ‘From Outer Space.'” He was brilliant in that. Charles also voiced The Dirty Bubble on Spongebob SquarePants. He was an icon among icons.

I’m eager to see Life of Reilly, a documentary about his one man show Save It For the Stage. I’ve read that the film will be out on DVD this fall. I plan on buying a copy and not merely putting it on my Netflix queue. This film must go on the shelf next to the Match Game boxset. Future generations must know of his glory.

It’s hard to say that this star has passed away. Charles Nelson Reilly is immortal. As long as GSN keeps the Match Game episodes running, Charles will be there for us. If you wish to pay tribute to Charles, you can round up 15 women for an orgy. If you can’t make that happen, then order up a Manhattan (Charles used Jim Beam with no cherry), lift it up and offer a toast to St. Charles. He’s in the upper corner looking down on us, just like it should be, in the shag carpet universe.

If Pope Benedict needs a miracle to help it along, I prayed for the intervention of Charles Nelson Reilly to cure my Itchy Sweater Syndrome. It worked. Now I just suffer from Terminal Turtleneck. Thank you, Future St. Charles Nelson Reilly!

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Keneteph’s Corner: My Favorite Things “Cali” – Darranteed Productions

Filed under: Columns,Keneteph's Korner — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:10 am

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Although I’ve a native to Arizona for the last 17 years, I still consider the Golden State of California my home. There’s a lot of interesting events, and people both known and unknown. I will feature some of them in this new mini segment called “My Favorite Things Cali.”

keneteph2007-05-31-01.jpgThis first article is a feature on Darren “DJ Zulu” Battle, a promoter and DJ in northern California who throws parties catered to the “plus size crowd.” Why is he my first feature for this series, you ask? With no shame in my game I must admit I am a chubby chaser and admirer of the full figured women out there. There’s nothing wrong with being on the larger side. Hey, I am totally heterosexual and even think View Askew’s own Kevin Smith and Malcolm Ingram are handsome dudes. There is so much stereotype in the entertainment industry on how a woman should look, and I commend DJ Zulu for breaking such boundaries. Plus he throw’s some pretty great parties, with the best mix of DJs. Last year I had the pleasure of attending and performing at a party he threw in Vegas, and had a blast!

So without further Adieu, check out the interview I did on DJ Zulu.

THAAHUM: How did you get your start DJ-ing?

DJ ZULU: I started at age 14 at Kadena US Air Force Base, Okinawa, Japan. I was naturally into music, and when I started seeing mobile DJs around the island, I wanted to be down. I got my first break at my end of (Jr. High/Middle) school dance. By High School we had relocated to a US Air Force Base in the Tokyo area, and 27 years later, here I am.

THAAHUM: How did “Darrenteed Productions” come about?

DJ ZULU: I was hyping up a Youth Center event that I was promoting and DJing (promoting came naturally about 2 years after I was in this) and I was digging on this girl and trying to get her to come through. I told her that I’d personally guarantee that she’d have a good time. With me trying to get at her and my government name being Darren, I flipped it on her and I said “No, I DARRENTEE you’ll have a good time” I got her number and the name just stuck.

THAAHUM: What made you want to start promoting plus size events? At what point did you realize that there needed to be more events that supported “fat acceptance” and the plus size community?

DJ ZULU: I’m fat girl lover. I’ve always been into chubby girls since high school. When I discovered that there was a plus size community through a friend around 1991, 1992, I started getting actively involved in it. I had stopped DJing for a period of time due to life – being married at the time and not feeling music during that time as much. So I would attend these social events, and they were cool – especially for us FAs (who happened to also be fat), but there weren’t many nightclub promotions at that time except for New York City. By the time I moved to the Bay Area in 1999, I had started DJing again, and it became a main goal of mine to do one here. There had been many social events in the Bay Area, which really was a pacesetter in the size acceptance community that never got its due. Even NAAFA started in this area. There wasn’t any nightclub promotions out west and I aimed to be the first. Many fat people wanted club style settings, and with my background I felt I could provide that for them. All I needed to do was give them the energy that the mainstream nightclubs provided and leave the rest of it up to them.

THAAHUM: What is your goal as a DJ and promoter?

DJ ZULU: As a DJ, I don’t have many goals left. I’m a slam DJ – I’m not the nicest on the mix, though I hold my own. I am a record breaker, though – as the industry knows, by sending me music fresh out the box. I still love to rock crowds, but I feel things differently than others. I’m not a big fan of a lot of the newer stuff out there and I tend to want to rock more house when I am mixing, or old school. As a promoter, I want to continue to introduce up and coming DJs and help get them where they want to go through my promotions and beyond. There are some great DJs within the plus size community right now, but they don’t’ step outside of it and my goals are to help them see the big picture, the long term effects. DJs come and go, same with promoters, but I am an example of longevity in the game – especially in the here today, gone tomorrow plus size community.

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THAAHUM: What current projects/parties do you have planned?

DJ ZULU: I still do mainstream joints and look for New York Garage and Chicago House promotions to rock at. As far as plus size parties, we still have the Bay Area on lock and we keep trying to touch the sky and get better at it with our themes and fun. We want to get a piece of the pie in New York City with the help of my good friend Lynx, and I have a huge goal of getting Atlanta on and poppin again since I claim it as my city even though I no longer live there. We are also in the beginning stages of a Big Boogie Nights Kansas City with my girl Deb and, of course, there’s the Late Night Pajama Jammie Jam and Fetish Ball taking place on the strip in Vegas on August 10th.

THAAHUM: What has been the general response since you started “Darrenteed Productions?”

DJ ZULU: Darrenteed Productions has been a blessing for me. The promotions have been great since I started and I’ve met some great people during my career. Some started as just a hobby – like DJ Alvin D and DJ Roonie G, who are now icons in the industry. We were just b-boys in Tokyo trying to do our thing… Look at us now – I’ve got gray hair now and, even though those two would deny it, they do too. But we still do our thing and it’s like a family tree now.

THAAHUM: What do you like best about being in the entertainment business?

DJ ZULU: The travel, the perks of being one of the test audience for record companies, meeting people from various cultures and backgrounds, and it’s a good career if you handle it right.

THAAHUM: What is the most frustrating thing about being in the entertainment business?

DJ ZULU: The drama, haters, those who don’t pay their dues and just starting up thinking it’s easy, the backstabbing… oh, and did I say the haters?

THAAHUM: I notice there seems to be different factions and promoters that have “beef” with each other even in the plus size community. What do you think it would take to have more people unite, since everyone has the same goal of plus size acceptance?

DJ ZULU: Wow, I wish I could answer that question, but I’m not really sure what people could do to unite. You’ve got people from different backgrounds, regions and races – what brings us all together is that we are either fat, fat lovers or both fat and a fat lover like myself. Many egos get inflated – mine included – and sometimes we forgot what we are here for. Many bullshit and some even want to make people who make this a business seem less sincere – which is ridiculous, because 90 percent of those who say that are new to the community. There is nothing wrong at all with being a successful business person through the plus size community. There are people of certain ethnicity’s that do business that caters to them, and there are people of different sexual orientations that have business that caters to them, and do people hate on e-harmony or large connections or what ever for being a dating service? They are a business first, and my promotions are a business first, too. Many who are promoting plus size events don’t even know who paved the way or about the plus size organizations out there – they see someone doing a party, they say “hey, so and so can do it, then so can I” and they try to beat down so and so in the process. They draw lines much like gangs or political affiliations and they speak through second and third parties so they don’t look bad. They never attempt to squash drama – yet they try to portray the image they are never involved. They change their position on things only to draw a crowd. I have the same image and outlook as I have since I started, and that won’t change – my personality is a either you love me or loathe style. I understand that about me, but I don’t take away from my event. My promotions aren’t about me, they are about the patrons! Some want to be treated like icons – some really believe that they are saints by doing fat promotions. We are just like everyone else who got lucky and believed in what we are doing. Some promoters seem to have problems with a man promoting these events because most focus on the plus size woman instead of the plus size person. Being fat isn’t gender specific, so I don’t just focus on women. Lastly, people take it too seriously – the results you put into your vision are the results that come out. Many are snowed for years but it always comes out in the end, I have faith in that.

THAAHUM: Where can people find more information on you and your events?

DJ ZULU: The best way to find out what’s up with me is by hitting my links at www.bigboogienights.com, www.darrenteed.com and www.myspace.com/djzulu.

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Copyright 2007 Keneteph Entertainment

QSE News: 5/31/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:05 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgDirector Tim Burton is interested in making a film based on the lives of Marilyn Manson and his soon-to-be ex-wife Dita Von Teese. Burton commented on the possibility by saying “I’m fascinated by Dita and Marilyn. They’re like a living Brothers Grimm fairytale.” Burton also said he hopes to cast Rosie O’Donnell in the role of Manson.
  • Lindsay Lohan is off the wagon and back on the booze and coke. Fresh off a stint of wild parties, car crashes, arrests, puking in bushes and passing out in cars while paparazzi take her picture, Lohan will be entering the Promises rehab facility. Promises is the same rehab facility where Britney Spears recently stayed. Lohan said the reason behind her recent activities is not a result of a relationship ending but rather a reoccurring nightmare that Rosie O’Donnell is chasing after her with a fork and a butter knife.
  • A re-united Police kicked off a new tour before 20,000 screaming fans in Vancouver, British Columbia.  The enthusiastic crowd cheered almost non-stop as the band rocked their way through a huge catalog of hits.  When asked how it felt to be back on stage, Sting said that it was “truly amazing.  I am looking forward to all of the shows… except the one in L.A. ‘cuz, you know, it’s hard to sing when you have a big, fat Rosie O’Donnell in the front row there… looking at you all hungry-like.”
  • Former male model turned actor Marcus Schenkenberg has landed a role in the upcoming, fourth installment of the Terminator franchise.  At this time, it has not been announced what role Schenkenberg will be playing, but there is some speculation that he will be playing the role of a Terminator cyborg.  In related news, Rosie O’Donnell is really, really fat… oh, and she once ate a cyborg just to prove that she could. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Our newswriter is truly, madly, deeply infatuated with Rosie – this is also just a desperate cry for her attention)

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 5/31/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:02 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Go load up on some classic Jack Benny comedy… (Thingamabob)
  • Mike Nelson & Rifftrax take on The Matrix(Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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May 30, 2007

QSE News: 5/30/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:53 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgIt appears that combative, talent-less former talk show host Rosie O’Donnell isn’t done with The View just yet.  O’Donnell, who prematurely left the show last week after an on-air spat with her co-host, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, fired one last parting salvo.  In a statement released to the press, O’Donnell emphatically claims that she “will NEVER speak to Hasselbeck again,” but went on to note that she would still “totally eat her.” ** DISCLAIMER**  We here at QSE news would like to point out that the previous joke was in no way a lesbian joke.  We were simply pointing out the fact that Ms. O’Donnell is a big fat woman who likes to eat people. (Editor’s Note: Our news writer has a massive crush on Rosie)
  • According to his daughter, Steven Tyler may be thinking about ditching Aerosmith. Liv Tyler has reportedly been telling people that her dad will leave the band “because he can’t take how the rest of the band is treating him.” Steven Tyler himself has said in recent weeks that no one, not even his band, realize how much he does and that it takes a great amount of talent to screech like a woman being stabbed with a badger and to tie neckerchiefs perfectly around a microphone stand.
  • The company that produces Svedka Vodka has pulled out of sponsoring Lindsay Lohan’s upcoming 21st birthday party in Las Vegas.  The announcement comes less than 2 days after Lohan was arrested for allegedly driving under the influence and crashing her car.  Surprisingly, though, one high-ranking executive with Svedka maintains that the company has withdrawn its sponsorship from Lohan’s party not because of the arrest, but rather, because of the hundreds of calls and instant messages from a drunken Lohan demanding that the company buy her a new liver.

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 5/30/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:43 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Here’s a one-stop destination for finding celebrities who also moonlight as artists (paintings, photographs, etc.)… (Thingamabob)
  • And don’t forget, gorilla-suiters – the countdown has begun… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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May 29, 2007

Toy Box: South Park Series 5 – Damian/Cartman

Filed under: Columns,Toy Box — admin @ 5:18 am

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I have been pretty quiet the last couple weeks. Why? Well, it’s called the great toy drought of ’07. With the collectibles market collapsing in on itself, retailers disappearing regularly, and manufacturers going belly up left and right, product has been a tad scarce lately.

But finally I have something worth talking about – the fifth series of South Park figures from Mezco. There are four new figures to add to the ever growing legion of South Park residents, and here at QSE I’m covering Damian, son of Satan who’s an average kid otherwise, and Hippie Exterminator Cartman, doing his best to rid the world of the unclean, long haired types. Over at MROTW, I’m covering the other two in the set: Mephesto and Tweak.

South Park 5 – Hippie Exterminator Cartman and Damian

Damian fits in nicely with the rest of the kids, and if you have to get another Cartman variant, one that’s dressed up like a Ghostbuster ain’t a bad choice.

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Packaging – ***
For those who have been picking up the line all along, there’s nothing new here. The usual South Park text and graphics right from the show, with some basic photos on the back of the interior card. The clamshell has the show name embossed on the left side, which is a nice touch, but the packages remain very oversized, making the contents seem smaller and less impressive.

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Sculpting – ***1/2
Both Damian and Cartman sport nice sculpts, with wild hair and properly scaled bodies. Obviously, there’s not going to be a lot of detail here, but as I’ve said plenty of times before, that doesn’t mean you can’t screw it up. Check out my reviews of the Mirage attempt (at the end of the review) at South Park to see what I’m talking about.

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The key to capturing these is getting the proportions right – head to body, arms to body, legs to body. Get these proportions off, and you’ll have figures that sorta kinda look like the characters, but something is missing…you might not even be able to put your finger on it, but you’ll know something is wrong. Thanksfully, the proportions here are very good, with really no issues.

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Scale is good as well, with Damian fitting in at about the same size as the other kids, and Cartman his usual fat ass self. Cartman also has the advantage of having some additional sculpt details with his outfit, including some pouches and straps. These all are very well done, and make him one of the cooler Cartman variants.

Damian’s standard left hand has a small flame coming off the finger, while Cartman’s right hand is sculpted to hold either of his accessories. That’s a much appreciated touch, since as I mentioned in the other review, Tweak can’t even hold his included coffee cup.

Paint – Cartman ***1/2; Damian ***
Both of these are actually better paint-wise than most of the figures in series 4. I didn’t have any eyeball issues this time, and there were far fewer stray marks or mistakes. Damian still has some consistency issues with the black body, with some shiny patches here and there.

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Cartman again has the advantage here, because he has alot more detail in the outfit. There are additional colors and small details on the belt, pouches and straps, including zippers and buttons.

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Both faces look terrific as well, and I went with the serious mean looking closed mouth on both. They also can be had with open mouth expressions, but I don’t really see either of these characters yelling.

Articulation – ***
Both of these figures lose a little articulation over some past figures, but they have the one thing I love the most…articulated eyebrows. Damian adds his ball jointed neck, cut shoulders and cut waist. His left arm has a cut wrist as well, since the hand is swappable. It’s not a lot, but the neck and eyebrows give a lot of cool posing possibilities.

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Cartman also has the poseable eyebrows, ball jointed neck, cut shoulders and cut waist. He does not have cut wrists, and that’s too bad, because that would have really helped with posing the left hand holding the accessories.

Accessories – ***
Both of these figures seem pretty well outfitted, especially Cartman. Damian comes with two extra arms, both with the small thumbs sticking out. He also has an extra left hand to replace the ‘flame’ hand if you’d prefer. But his coolest accessory is his included demon, made from a thin but very sturdy plastic that attaches tightly to the flame base. The red eyes look terrific, and the translucent plastic gives him a smokey appearance.

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Cartman comes with his flashlight, but it doesn’t have any sort of lens or color on the face, and no detail on the body. It looks like a large bolt more than a flashlight. At least he can carry it in his right hand.

He also has his very cool fire extinguisher, perfect for extinguishing those hippies It attaches to his back, and the nozzle can be take off and put in his right hand. There’s an included foam attachment that makes it look like it’s being fired, and it fits neatly in the nozzle. Finally, the small top on the extinguisher can turn so that you can get things lined up perfectly on his back.

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Fun Factor – ***
They aren’t technically toys for kids, but they could work that way. Most of the joints are pretty sturdy, and they could take a pretty good beating. Even if an arm does pop off, it pops back on easy enough in most cases. While these are designed as pop culture collectibles, they haven’t lost sight of their roots as action figures.

Value – **1/2
You can expect to pay around $12 or $13 each for these, the current going rate for most specialty market action figures. Cartman and Damian have some decent accessories, so they make an average rating at this price point.

Things to Watch Out For –
If you’re picking them off the peg, of course you’ll want to watch those paint ops. And don’t forget that each one comes in at least two facial expressions – open and closed mouths. Each person is going to prefer one over the other, so choose wisely.

Overall – Cartman ***1/2; Damian ***
While I like Mephesto as well, Cartman is probably my favorite of this set. I’m glad I got Damian and Tweak, but that’s largely because they round out the kids. Mephesto (and the included Kevin) are good B list characters, but this variant on Cartman really looks cool on the shelf, especially when he’s firing the extinguisher. I wasn’t a big fan of this episode, but that doesn’t make him less visually appealing for me.

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Where to Buy –
Hot Topic is supposed to have these in, but if your store is like mine, it isn’t happening. Online options include:

Amazing Toyz only has them in stock in sets of four for $45 at this point.

CornerStoreComics has the sets at $45 as well, but has some singles for $11 – $13 depending on the character.

YouBuyNow has pre-orders up for the next series (Nurse Gollum, Mr. Slave, Starvin’ Marvin and Ming Lee Cartman) for just $13 each.

Circle Red doesn’t have series 5 listed, but if you’re looking for series 4 they have a good price at all four figures for $35.

Related Links –
I’ve had a fair share of reviews so far:
– I reviewed series 1 of course, which has the very cool Cartman figure, along with series 2, series 3, and series 4.

– and let’s not forget that – Mirage did series 1, series 2 (I reviewed Towelie separately), and series 3 of their figures before packing it in. They also did an exclusive Mr. Hanky.

QSE News: 5/29/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:59 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgThis past weekend marked the 30th anniversary of the release of the original Star Wars film. To celebrate the occasion, a convention was held in Los Angeles. Condom sales in the Los Angeles area saw a sharp decline, while fanny-pack sales reached an all time high.
  • The new Pirates of the Caribbean film, At World’s End, was number one at the box office. The film brought in $142 million and set a record for best Memorial Day weekend debut. Fans were eager to see Keira Knightley reprise her role as a skeleton masquerading as a princess… or something like that.
  • Actress Mischa Barton was rushed to the hospital after suffering an allergic reaction to medication she’s been taking for bronchitis. Hollywood insiders were sympathetic to Barton’s illness but also mentioned that the American public has been “allergic” to her for five years now.
  • 20th Century Fox will be promoting the upcoming Fantastic Four sequel, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, by putting an image of the Silver Surfer on the back of quarters. The 40,000 quarters were printed by the Franklin Mint and are being circulated with normal quarters.  When the 40,000 are finally seen by the American public, insiders believe that the number will be roughly four times the amount that will see the actual movie.

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 5/29/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:55 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • Start the work week proper with a classic Jay Ward-produced Cap’n Crunch commercial… (Thingamabob)
  • This is an incredibly dedicated person, who has truly given their life to science… (Thingamabob)
  • A helpful guide to those insane enough to venture back to Comic-Con… But I still won’t go back to the belly of the beast… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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May 28, 2007

SModcast 13

Filed under: SModcast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:33 pm

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SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.

The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.

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SModcast 13: SFodcast (or SWodcast) –

In which a hero falls… and gets temporarily replaced by a guest host, one man’s trash becomes another man’s trash at the local flea market, life behind a comic book store counter is brought to life with tales of a questionable customer base, and the war against the aggressors from the stars gains a production assistant.

[CONTENT WARNING] SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
SModcast 13 (MP3 format) – 33.11 MB

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SUBSCRIBE
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Wanna add your two cents? Spend it here, in the SModcast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SMODCAST ARCHIVES

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May 25, 2007

Comics in Context #179: Pride and Prejudice

Filed under: Columns,Comics in Context — admin @ 11:09 pm

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cic2007-05-25.jpgThere is a school of thought that any publicity is good publicity. I suppose that Marvel considers the furor over the recent demise of Captain America (see “Comics in Context” #168) to be good publicity if it boosted sales of the comics. But just what kind of lasting impression did that leave in the world beyond comics speculators? If people believe that Captain America really has been killed off, then it would seem to them that Marvel has destroyed an iconic figure representing the finest in the American spirit. If people believe that Captain America isn’t really dead, or will be resurrected, then it would seem to them that Marvel is exploiting and trampling upon said American icon as a publicity stunt to make big bucks. Why would a company that cares about its public image want to create either impression?

Last week Marvel got still more publicity of questionable value when the mainstream media discovered Sideshow Collectibles’ rather sexist statuette of Spider-Man’s leading lady Mary Jane Watson as a sexually submissive laundress. Not only was I interviewed about this figurine on MSNBC (see last week’s column), but former Spider-Man comics editor Danny Fingeroth showed up five times on the network to talk about the controversy (as you can see on YouTube here).

Comics artist Adam Hughes has posted his design for the statue on his website, and I find the original drawing considerably less objectionable, prettier, and even charming. Perhaps it was the people at Sideshow who pushed the design over the edge of taste. (And just who designed the rear of the statue?)

Even so, Hughes seems not to get why it was regarded as sexist and offensive, and this is part of the problem. “Mary Jane is a bit of a bimbo,” he explains, blaming the victim, adding that “Well, she’s bending over. Pin-up girls do that.” It’s as if male artists had nothing to do with creating the pin-up girl image. “But by that argument ““ if we take bending over to be a sign of sexual availability, every woman who bends over to pick up something should be chastised.” And just how many such women show off their thongs as they do so? Using some inappropriate hyperbole, Hughes asserts that “I think the whole “˜sexual availability’ claim comes from trying to back up the argument that this is the most awful thing to hit mankind since the Holocaust”. Here is a perfect example of someone who finds himself in a hole and unfortunately reacts by digging himself in even more deeply.

Hughes asks, “is it really a sexist or misogynistic act if it wasn’t intended that way on the part of the people doing it? . . .are you seeing something that’s either not there, or that the artist never intended to be there?” First, this demonstrates a lack of understanding of human psychology. Certainly, a person can be subconsciously sexist or misogynistic. Certainly people can consciously hold prejudiced opinions without being aware they are prejudiced: they consider their opinions to be correct. D. W. Griffith was reportedly surprised that his film Birth of a Nation (1915) was attacked as racist, though today that is the unanimous opinion of cinema scholars. There’s that song in the musical Avenue Q, “Everybody’s a Little Bit Racist.”

Moreover, even if Hughes did not consciously or unconsciously have sexist intentions, that does not mean that people who interpret the statue as sexist are wrong. Certainly artwork can be interpreted in ways of which the artist was not consciously aware. A Freudian interpretation of Oedipus Rex is not invalid simply because Sophocles died centuries before Freud devised the term “Oedipus complex.” If an interpretation fits the artwork, it is justified whether or not the creator agrees with it. This is a basic principle of criticism, long accepted in academia, and comics writers and artists had best wake up and take notice. (Not surprisingly, Neil Gaiman recognizes this principle, as can be seen from his introduction to The Sandman Papers, Fantagraphics’ 2006 anthology of academic essays about his work.)

But the Mary Jane maquette, as I suggested last week, is relatively tame compared to what just turned up in the comics shops. Years ago, back when I was first mulling over doing a column on the Internet, I considered doing a segment called “Atrocity of the Week.” Maybe I shouldn’t have dismissed the idea, since, lo and behold, less than a week after I wrote about the MJ statue, Quick Stop editor Ken Plume e-mailed me about this: the cover of Marvel’s new issue of Heroes for Hire, appropriately #13. It appears that the ladies in bondage, with necklines cut so low that in two cases they approach the navel, are the Black Cat and the detective team of Misty Knight and Colleen Wing, all formerly presented as empowered, independent heroines. Drawn in manga-influenced style, they’re virtually unrecognizable, and Misty looks less like the African-American she’s supposed to be than a well tanned Caucasian. But the biggest problem is those tentacles feeling them up.

Researching this week’s column has expanded my knowledge of Japanese cartoon culture, though not in a way I would have preferred. It seems that the Heroes for Hire cover evokes the style and content of hentai manga, a term used outside Japan for Japanese comics dealing in explicit sexual or pornographic content. It turns out that so many Japanese comics deal in “tentacle rape” that this subgenre merits its own Wikipedia entry, which informs us that “Tentacle rape is a concept found in some horror hentai titles, where various tentacled creatures (usually fictional monsters) rape or otherwise penetrate women (or, less commonly, men). Much of the genre also consists of humiliation and bondage fetishes, since the victim typically is restrained by the appendages.” That suggests that the point of this cover is to take three of Marvel’s empowered, independent heroines and humiliate them.

Even the great Japanese artist Hokusai did a “tentacle rape” woodcut, “The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife” (1820), as shown in the aforementioned Wikipedia entry, a considerably superior work of art, as well as further evidence that great artists are not necessarily beyind reproach (see Wagner, Richard).

And it turns out that the Heroes for Hire cover was done by a female Japanese artist, Sana Takeda, and that fact is a forceful reminder that being a member of a group that is the target of prejudice does not necessarily make one enlightened about prejudice.

But you don’t have to know this background in Japanese culture to be appalled by this cover. All you have to have is a sufficient grasp of Freudian psychology to recognize tentacles as phallic symbols. And can that milky white fluid splattered atop one of the Black Cat’s breasts be what I think it is?

Probably the mainstream media will take no notice of this cover, since people who don’t read Marvel comics are unaware of the three characters depicted. But what if superhero comics continue down this path, and sooner or later produce an equally, or even more offensive cover or a story about a character that the mainstream media knows–and that they notice?

I wonder if this is another sign that contemporary superhero comics are overreaching in their pursuit of the sensationalistic, to try to get a charge out of its shrunken, jaded niche audience. I worry that superhero comics are in a decadent phase, marked by the continual killing of longtime characters, and the distortion and demeaning of others, and that not even the reconstructionalist writers can pull the genre out of its descent. Is this Heroes for Hire cover the kind of work of which those of us who value the comics medium can be proud?

So let’s turn instead to a recent event that did do comics proud. On April 26, the night after my trip to Geppi’s Entertainment Museum (see “Comics in Context” #176177), I attended the world premiere of a new documentary about one of the artform’s greatest creators, Will Eisner: Portrait of a Sequential Artist, at New York City’s Tribeca Film Festival. Eisner was one of the founding fathers of modern American comic books, the creator of one of its masterpieces, The Spirit, and the pioneer of the contemporary American graphic novel (see “Comics in Context” #6, 25, 64, 68, 69).

Tribeca, which is short for a “triangle below Canal Street,” is a section of lower Manhattan near the site of the World Trade Center. Robert De Niro and his business partner, producer Jane Rosenthal, founded the festival in 2002, in part to help revitalize lower Manhattan following the September 11, 2001 attacks.

In May, 2003, shortly before I started “Comics in Context,” the second Tribeca Film Festival included a panel, which I attended, called “The Return of the Superhero,” dealing with the new wave of superhero movies. The panelists were Mark Steven Johnson, the writer/director of the Daredevil movie, and since then, this year’s Ghost Rider flick; Alan Cumming, who played Nightcrawler in X2: X-Men United, which premiered that month; and Kevin Misher, a producer who was developing a Sub-Mariner movie (which seems to have sunk from sight).

It occurs to me that I haven’t written about the Ghost Rider movie yet. Even if Nicolas Cage doesn’t look like the young, blond Johnny Blaze, I think the idea of Cage as a middle-aged Blaze with an Elvis Presley vibe. The visual concept of this demonic motorcyclist with a flaming skull for a head is undeniably powerful, and, as an updated version of Faust, Ghost Rider has great story potential. But it has gone untapped: I agree with Peter B. Gillis’s observation that Ghost Rider was never a great comics series, even despite Mike Ploog’s memorable art in the early stories. Although I can tell from the Tribeca panel that Mark Steven Johnson’s heart is in the right place in his respect for Marvel series, the execution of his movies doesn’t match his good intentions. The Ghost Rider movie is just an empty series of action sequences, devoid of wit or true human interest, not really worth writing about for more than a paragraph. Casting Easy Rider‘s Peter Fonda as Mephisto was clever, but I couldn’t care about Ghost Rider battling another devil, Blackheart, on behalf of Fonda’s not-quite-as-bad devil. As an update of Faust, Ghost Rider the comic and the movie both should be better than they ever have been. At the end, Blaze defiantly declares that Mephisto may possess Blaze’s soul but not his spirit. But if you don’t understand that they’re the same thing, you don’t get what Faust is about. I exited the Ghost Rider screening, wondering how low the reputation of Marvel movies would be were it not for Sam Raimi’s great Spider-Man trilogy.

But back to the “Return of the Superhero” panel. Of course, there are more comics writers, artists and editors in the New York City area than anywhere else in the nation. Constantine Valhouli, the indie filmmaker with whom I collaborated on the documentary Sex, Lies and Superheroes, offered to put the Tribeca Festival’s panel programmers in touch with comics professionals we had interviewed for the movie. But the Festival wasn’t interested. Presumably they felt that people who wrote and drew the superhero comics on which the movies were based had no relevance to a panel about said movies. Considering that one of the people on Constantine’s list of contacts was Frank Miller, soon to become a formidable filmmaker himself, this seems even more ironic.

A great deal has changed in only four years. Now the Tribeca Film Festival was showing a movie about the life of a comics professional, filled with interviews with other comics pros. This was the glorious end of a long, long road for the filmmakers, director/producer Andrew D. Cooke, and its writer/producer, his brother Jon B. Cooke, the editor of Comic Book Artist, an invaluable magazine that serves as a continuing oral history of American comics. They had been working on this movie made for five years, showing a twenty minute sample of their work-in-progress at comics conventions, as they searched for the additional financing they needed to complete it. It is their and our good fortune that they were able to conduct extensive interviews with Will Eisner before he passed away in early January of last year. You may recall that Jon B. Cooke showed the sample of his documentary at Eisner’s memorial (see “Comics in Context” #80). Finally, teamed with the film’s editor and executive producer Kris Schackman and Montilla Pictures, they had completed the film, roughly a year after the memorial.

The Tribeca Film Festival scheduled four showings of the Eisner film, and initially, I tried to get a ticket for the second one, on Saturday evening April 28, after learning that Eisner’s widow Ann would attend. A number of comics professionals who appear in the documentary–Jules Feiffer, Jerry Robinson, and Art Spiegelman–also attended the Saturday screening. But that one was sold out, so I went with my second choice, the world premiere, on the evening of April 26.

The Tribeca Film Festival has grown so large in five years that this premiere wasn’t in Tribeca, but further north, at the AMC Village VII multiplex on Third Avenue and 11th Street, in the East Village. The showing was in one of the multiplex’s smaller screening rooms, and though it was well attended, and I was surprised to see that there were still plenty of empty seats. I assumed that since thousands of people attend the New York Comic-Con, surely all of the Eisner documentary showings would be sold out, but no.

Moreover, I got the sense that the people at this initial screening weren’t a crowd of comics buffs, either. During the opening credits, the audience broke into applause when they saw the credit for “Schackman Films,” executive producer Kris Schackman’s company, so his friends must have attended en masse. I expected there might be applause for at least some of the notable figures of the world of comics when they first appeared on screen, but no. There was, however, a gasp from one member of the audience when an unexpected interviewee first turned up in the film: novelist Kurt Vonnegut, who had died on April 11. Will Eisner: Portrait of a Sequential Artist presumably is his final public appearance.

Nor did I spot any comics professionals in the audience, aside from Jon Cooke, who greeted me before the movie started, and Randolph Hoppe of the Jack Kirby Museum (http://www.jackkirbymuseum.org/), with whom I chatted after the film had ended. Not even the legendarily ubiquitous Beat had come!
There still seems to be far too little serious interest in the study of comics, whether it takes the form of classes in critical appreciation of the medium, museum exhibitions, or documentaries such as this one.

So, then, I told myself, that meant I was part of a small group who can say in years to come that they were fortunate enough to attend the world premiere of a film whose reputation will surely grow as the serious appreciation of the comics artform continues to rise.

The program began with an introduction by a man named Aaron (I didn’t catch his last name), one of the people who selects the films to be shown at the Tribeca festival, who told us how much this film had surprised him. He was not a comics aficionado, but as amazed to learn from the movie about Eisner, “someone I never knew was so important,” who had participated in “creating a whole new artform.”

This is an indication of how effective the Cookes’ documentary is. It’s not just for people in the comics subculture who are already familiar with Will Eisner’s life and achievements. It caught the interest of someone who know nothing about them, and who, indeed, would have had to wade through many other documentaries in the course of helping to select the films for the festival. This one stood out.

In the question and answer session after the screening, Jon Cooke told us that “Previously Kris”–the executive producer–“didn’t know who Will Eisner is.” Kris Schackman then explained that he had “always liked comics,” but that working on this documentary was an “eye-opening experience.” He said that he “spent a year working on it,” during which time he “fell in love with his [Eisner’s] work” and “the whole artform.”

And if I’m correct that the audience on Thursday evening was more of a film buff crowd than a comics crowd, it worked for them too: they were quietly attentive through the entire film. This is a movie that can make converts to comics as an artform.

Let’s shift back to Aaron’s opening remarks: he then introduced Andrew Cooke, who was greeted with cheers and applause. Cooke explained that the “process” of making the movie had taken “five years.” Not only was tonight’s showing the “world premiere,” he told us, but “no one has seen the film in this form except Kris Schackman and myself.” (Not even Jon?) In fact, in the question and answer session, we were told that the Cookes had only done the interview with Jules Feiffer–who started his extraordinary career as Eisner’s assistant on The Spirit–“four or five weeks ago”! So I really was present at a special occasion.

Then the film began, and after the opening credits, there was vintage black and white footage of Manhattan–Fifth Avenue, Times Square–and then of a newsstand with comic books. An offscreen narrator, who turned out to be Art Spiegelman, explains that comic books were originally intended to entertain kids. There was a “notion,” he continued, that “kids are. . .stupid adults,” so “most comics were junk.” But it as Eisner, he went on, who pioneered comics as a “bona fide means of self-expression.”

we first hear the film’s score, jazz music played by a group that Kris Schackman’s father had assembled; it sounded appropriate playing under images from The Spirit and footage of early 20th century New York.

Next came a surprise: the voice of Jack Kirby, who passed away over a decade ago. The movie makes use of the interviews that Eisner taped in the 1980s with various peers in comics, including Kirby, Milton Caniff, and Harvey Kurtzman, all now deceased, as well as the still active Neal Adams. I read the interviews when they first appeared decades ago in The Will Eisner Quarterly and The Spirit Magazine, and Dark Horse has since published them in the book Shop Talk, but it is an unexpected pleasure to hear the voices of these giants in this movie.

Many other major figures in comics appear on-camera, including Eisner contemporaries such as Jules Feiffer, Joe Kubert, Jerry Robinson, and the late Gil Kane; leading creators of contemporary comics including Frank Miller and Art Spiegelman; Eisner’s friend and longtime publisher and agent Denis Kitchen; Michael Chabon, author of The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, his novel about comics’ Golden Age; and comics historian Gerard Jones.

The film’s most important interviewee, however, is Eisner himself, who appears throughout, as the movie progresses chronologically through the story of his life. Eisner comes across as open, articulate, intelligent, good-humored, warm and friendly. If he had a dark side, it never appears in this film. I expect that audiences for the movie, even those who don’t know his comics work, will find him immediately likable. He is the perfect ambassador for the comics medium.

Eisner’s story starts with his birth in 1917, and here was another surprise; a nude baby photograph of the Great Man. That certainly set a tone of intimacy, and indeed, the film is about Eisner’s personal life as well as his career in comics. It’s an appealing strategy to follow, humanizing its portrait of its subject.

It was also a surprise to see silent film footage of Eisner’s father and mother. But much of the story of Eisner’s youth and early career in comics is illustrated onscreen by selections from two of his autobiographical graphic novels, To the Heart of the Storm (1991) and The Dreamer (1986), in which Will, his parents, and other real life figures appear in thinly fictionalized form. I’ve lectured on both books at the Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art (www.moccany.org), so it was like seeing old friends appear on the big screen. For example, Eisner, on the soundtrack, recounts the tale of how bullies taunted his brother for his Jewish-sounding first name, and how Eisner slugged one of them only to be beaten up. Meanwhile, the screen shows a succession of images from Eisner’s fictionalized depiction of the incident in To the Heart of the Storm. When Eisner, on camera, delivers the punch line, telling his brother, “From now on your name is Pete,” not only does he laugh himself, but so did the audience. He had already won them over, this early in the film.

The Cookes have good eyes for selecting artwork. Eisner’s characters can sometimes seem over the top in their broad, emotional gestures and expressions, but throughout the film the Cookes chose more subtly effectve work which can stand being blown up to the size of a movie screen. At one point they even employ some animation to a Dreamer sequence, which works well.

The documentary simply and accurately describes the arc of Eisner’s career, so that even filmgoers who are unfamiliar with comics history should be able not only to follow his life story but to understand the significance of his innovations in the medium.

But a movie like this should ideally work on two levels: stating the basics for newcomers, while providing illuminating nuggets of information and insight for people like myself who are already familiar with Eisner’s work and career. This documentary succeeds on both levels.

For example, it was interesting to me to hear Eisner say that he considered going into the theater as a career, until his mother stopped him. People compare the “cinematic” style of The Spirit to film noir, but what about examining its theatricality, through the lighting, the staging, and the “performances” of its cast of characters? When Eisner talks about the artists who influenced him, he names illustrators Dean Cornwall and J. C. Leyendecker (see “Comics in Context” #132). This is followed by a segment that follows Eisner in the International Museum of Cartoon Art in Boca Raton in 1997, before it closed, in which he points to an original Krazy Kat by George Herriman, declaring that the strip was “influential on me.” I wonder how, or was it simply the fact that Herriman constantly experimented with the conventions of the artform? Among other strips he singles out are Richard Outcault’s Yellow Kid; the early, now nearly forgotten adventure strip, Lyman Young’s Tim Tyler’s Luck; Bud Fisher’s Mutt and Jeff, and E. C. Segar’s Popeye. (Did Commissioner Dolan get his enormous chin from Popeye?)

Joe Kubert then appears to assert that Milton Caniff (Terry and the Pirates), Alex Raymond (Flash Gordon), and Hal Foster (Prince Valiant) were “saints in our business” who were “admired by every guy in comics.” That sets me wondering how many contemporary comic book artists know their work at all.

The movie then shifts back to Eisner, who declares Caniff to have been a “tremendous influence” on him, with his “ability to stage his stories so you could follow it.” (Note that “stage” is a theatrical term.) Eisner praises Caniff’s “high degree of drama” and how Caniff utilized “shadows [to] increase a sense of threat.” The “film noir“ look of The Spirit would thus actually be Eisner’s evolution of Caniff’s use of chiaroscuro. Later on in the film, Eisner is quoted as saying that his goal with The Spirit was to be “as good as Caniff.”

A little later Denis Kitchen incisively exposes the hypocrisy of newspaper people who looked down on comics. He points out that the Sunday newspapers were actually wrapped in the comics section. This is true: I remember this from my childhood. When my family and I left church on Sunday morning, we’d pick up the Sunday newspaper from a dealer on the sidewalk outside, and each one on sale had the comics section on the outside. When you looked at the Sunday Boston Herald Traveler, the first thing you saw was not the headlines, but Peanuts. “Comics sold the papers,” Kitchen triumphantly declares. Now those were the days, and a testament to the powerful role that newspaper comics then played in American popular culture.

Yes, I was having a good time watching this film, and to think that I was there, and the allegedly omnipresent chronicler of comics culture, the Beat, was not! Wait, what’s this? It was a clip onscreen from the 2004 San Diego Con, with Eisner recounting a story from his early days in comics. And there, to his right, is the Beat, gazing worshipfully at the Great Man, with her name clearly visible on a placard in front. She’s not at the movie; she’s IN the movie! How does she do it?

Within the documentary there are sequences that might be considered sidebars: short investigations of subjects relating to Eisner’s career. Art Spiegelman introduces the topic of the important role of Jewish creators in the early comic book industry (a subject on which Danny Fingeroth is even now writing a book). Kubert points out that comic books were considered a “gutter profession” in the 1930s and 1940s; today’s graphic novel enthusiasts may find that hard to believe. Chabon quotes Eisner saying that Jews would “gravitate” to comics, because they could get work there. (The implication is that bigotry barred them from other professions.) Feiffer comments that the comic book heroes these Jewish creators concocted had WASPy names: they “assimilated themselves on the comics page.” Gerard Jones widens the scope of the topic, observing that Jewish creators played important roles in movies and popular songs, as well as comics, in this period: that they contributed to American pop culture as a whole.

A little while later, Jones notes that many of the early creators in comic books “were just storytellers,” who were not adept in business, and were exploited by the publishers. In contrast, Eisner proved to be a master of both fields. Onscreen, Spiegelman phrases it cleverly: Eisner, he says, made a “great cocktail” out of his parents’ disparate ambitions: his father’s dream to be an artist, and his mother’s emphasis on making money.

Once the documentary gets to The Spirit, another sidebar emerges: Ebony, the Spirit’s African-American sidekick, who was drawn and dialogued in a stereotypically caricatured manner. The movie goes to considerable lengths to put this character in the context of the times. We are shown onscreen that Eisner’s hero Caniff also used racial caricatures. exemplified by Connie, the Chinese sidekick in Terry and the Pirates. The movie includes an excerpt from the truly dreadful movie Check and Double Check (1930), featuring the popular radio characters Amos and Andy, played in blackface by their white creators. Eisner explains that the “whole culture accepted Amos and Andy” back in the 1940s and that it “never occurred to me I was violating black sensibilities.” And you should be able to see here what relevance this passage of the film has on the controversy over the Mary Jane statuette. Here is an example of the sort of unconscious prejudice that I mentioned earlier.

The film returns to the subject of Ebony a little later, when it gets to the point that Feiffer began working with Eisner. Spiegelman comments that Ebony made Feiffer “irritable.” Feiffer explains that he was of a “different generation” than Eisner and was “more interested in civil rights” and more liberal politically than Eisner. Acknowledging that he “had great affection for Will,” Feiffer does not condemn Eisner’s use of Ebony. Feiffer says he didn’t think the treatment of Ebony was “racist”; he thought the treatment of Ebony was “dumb.”

Maybe that’s the lesson we should apply to the MJ statuette and the Heroes for Hire cover: their creators weren’t necessarily being consciously sexist, they were just being too “dumb” to understand the implications of their work.

Come back next week for the rest of my review of Will Eisner: Portrait of a Sequential Artist and my report on my adventures at another Tribeca Film Festival event: the American premiere of Spider-Man 3.

ADVERTISEMENTS FOR OTHER PEOPLE
Heidi MacDonald, the Beat herself, has been writing a thoughtful series of essays on the Mary Jane and Heroes for Hire controversies and the larger subject of sexism in comics. You can find them over at the following addresses:
http://pwbeat.publishersweekly.com/blog/2007/05/17/night-of-the-feminazis-pt-1/
http://pwbeat.publishersweekly.com/blog/2007/05/18/but-the-little-girls-understand/#comments
http://pwbeat.publishersweekly.com/blog/2007/05/21/2563/#comments
http://pwbeat.publishersweekly.com/blog/2007/05/22/and-the-tits-just-keep-coming/

Copyright 2007 Peter Sanderson

Trailer Park: Your Estimated Wait Time Is…

Filed under: Columns,Trailer Park — admin @ 10:52 pm

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

Inspired by those wacky geeks over at TWIT I have decided that instead of putting off and putting off and putting off my vow to somehow market my first book I would let people download and read it for free. Give it a preview, read the whole thing or, if you like what you see, send me some kind words or money for the actual book. Download and read my first book “Thank You, Goodnight” for FREE.

There’s nothing that really rocked my world this week except the new album from WILCO. And, on the subject of Wilco, therein lies why I’m just not feeling it this week.

I put in a request to interview someone, anyone, from the band. Lately I’ve been doing this a lot, putting in requests for all sorts of things, people, acts, oddities but it’s been the oddest thing, trying to get someone to respond to an interview request as of late. I might as well have the bubonic plague of the conversational arts if the numbers of e-mails that ever come back is any indication.

I’m of the mind that writing for as long as I have for the site, and doing the kind of entertainment journalism (and don’t let anyone try and convince you otherwise that any of what’s done regarding film is anything less than cream puff journalism. I know reporters who cover city hall and taking about the cleavage you can peep from Jessica Biel in the newest catastrophe by Adam Sandler is hardly elevating in any sort of way.) I’ve done, I thought, should translate into some kind of cred.

It didn’t. It doesn’t.

What I know is that I can’t even get Derrek Lee to talk about his part for a film called CHASING OCTOBER without getting snowjobbed by the dude’s publicist for the film who promised everything short of a guaranteed interview. It’s what I wanted, of course, but the fun part of this gig, and partly the most frustrating, is that I’m not paid to chase these snake oil salesman until they relent. It’s rather freeing in a way to know that I’ll cast a net out there when the mood strikes and, sometimes, I’ll get lucky. Read here: Darren Aronofsky, Tanya Donelly, even Andy Dick was an amazing time.

The difference between everyone else and me, I guess, is that I don’t really care at the end of the day. I’m trying to bring good material to those handful of people who read this but getting the Heisman by publicists who would be better off to slit their own wrists than perpetuate the perennial “I’m too much of a pussy” facade of ignoring e-mails or dodging phone calls than to man-up and say they’re not interested in allowing their client-of-the-moment to chat with me.

Maybe they’re right. Maybe they are the great soothsayers who can tell when someone’s Bush League or when they have bazillons of hits on their site to warrant a one-on-one. Again, it’s fun in an antagonistic way to see this play out again and again only from the perspective that a) I don’t really care when you get right down to it; I’m trying to do a good job for you, the teeming dozens, but this is just the result of what happens when you’re dialing for dollars. And b) I just know someone will eventually say yes to something and then it makes the hustling all worthwhile. It may be someone you have never heard of but it’s my job here to tell you why you should.

It’s nice to be thrown a famous bone every once in a while but sometimes this just feels like a real job, a grind almost. Let’s see what happens with that request I put in for Wilco. It’s probably nothing but it just might be something.

I’m here, and will stay here, because I’m always thinking it’s going to be the latter.

CAPTIVITY (2007)

Director: Roland Joffe
Cast:
Elisha Cuthbert, Daniel Gillies, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Michael Harney, Laz Alonso
Release: June 22, 2007
Synopsis:
Top cover girl and fashion model, Jennifer Tree has it all – beauty, fame, money and power. Her face appears on covers of hundreds of magazines. At the top of her game, Jennifer is America’s sweetheart. She is loved and adored and sought after. Everyone wants her. But someone out there has been watching and waiting. Someone wants her in the worst way. Out alone at a charity event in Soho, Jennifer is drugged and taken. Held captive in a cell, Jennifer is subjected to a series of terrifying, life-threatening tortures that could only be conceived by a twisted, sadistic mind.

View Trailer:
* Medium (Flash)

Prognosis: Negative. What I really don’t like in movie promotions is when, and if, a movie causes a stir prior to opening, during release or even after it has shuffled off this mortal coil to the video stands I think it’s gauche to make the thrust of your campaign a series of pull-quotes or superlatives.

You see, what’s going to bring me to the theater and what brings a 16 year-old to the theater is different but it’s revealing to me as a moviegoer as to the quality of company that the studio decides to employ for its publicity when they have to resort to the tagline: The Movie They Didn’t Want You To See.

Didn’t want me to see? Who? The people who complained about the real shitty billboards that depicted a caged woman as a device to drum up some attention? Pardon me for saying it but it’s one thing to be complimented about your ability to take a crap film and make me believe that it’s the next Oscar contender but it’s an entirely different story when you’re just plain lazy about your film’s promotion. And this trailer speaks to its laziness in rather overt ways.

Elisha Cuthbert, the Canuck who deserves a lot better than what she received in promotion for her turn in GIRL NEXT DOOR, only gets glimpsed at with a jiggly, shaky camcorder; it seems whenever you have a perv who likes to hunt prey with a video camera you’ve got to make sure it’s on the fritz all the time. The weirdo in question plays with her leg for a bit while she’s unconscious.

Don’t know what any of the creepy fondling means and I surely don’t know what the gun, egg timer (I use mine to make sure I undercook my cookies. The recipe calls for 10 minutes but I like my cookies a little on the under-baked end and so I set it for 6.), a blazing stove top burner and the pack of people standing over someone’s body, could be Elisha, like some CSI procedural.

“The movie so intense it was punished”

How you punish a movie? Do you bend it over and give it a few lashings? I’m not really clear about how the metaphorical wall can be broken like that but some dude in a suit made the trailer guy keep it in there for some warped, twisted reason. I like the SAW movies because I know what they’re trying to be and it was sold as such, without any hesitation. The media campaign was creative in their explanation but this movie, controversial as they’re saying it is, but here there isn’t anything else but gorillas beating on their chest making a lot of noise.

Yeah, you have a car battery being drained of its acid, it’s going to be used for some nefarious purpose, but what does it mean to the girl that’s being held captive? I have no clue because we’re not let in on what’s going on. And, yeah, filling this chick’s cage with a large amount of sand in the hopes of burying her alive is a novel concept but why was she chosen and how does she fit into the overall scheme of things.

The answer to all these questions is simple: it’s because the studio doesn’t have anything worth putting out there for you to chew on. The film is a saccharine substitute for other, better, serial killer genre pictures. Smoke and mirrors doesn’t begin to describe this publicity campaign.

HAIRSPRAY (2007)

Director: Adam Shankman
Cast: John Travolta, Michelle Pfeiffer, Christopher Walken, Amanda Bynes, James Marsden, Queen Latifah
Release: July 20, 2007
Synopsis: Sixteen years after the release of the original film, New Line Cinema is bringing a feature film adaptation of the Tony award-winning Broadway production HAIRSPRAY. Featuring new and original material based on John Waters’ 1988 cult classic about star-struck teenagers on a local Baltimore dance show, the comedy features a remarkable collection of talent including John Travolta, Queen Latifah, Christopher Walken, Amanda Bynes, Allison Janney, Brittany Snow, Zac Efron, Elijah Kelley, producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron (Chicago), and director Adam Shankman (Bringing Down The House). The new screenplay for Hairspray was written by Leslie Dixon (Freaky Friday, Outrageous Fortune).

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Prognosis: Nega-Positive. Three things, right off the bat, about this trailer:

1) Remember Iggy Pop? Guy used to stand for all that was punk and cool and hip and cutting edge before there was even an edge to cut? Yeah, “Lust For Life” has been co-opted by Royal Caribbean, I some a lot of the Boomers the ad is directed toward haven’t really listened to the song all the way through. In much the same way, and I know John Waters penned the screenplay, I can’t help but feel the teeth have been removed from the razor sharp dog that was the original HAIRSPRAY. The trailer gives off the scent of homogenous milk, if that makes any sense.

2) The pervasiveness and positive reception of a show like UGLY BETTY can only help a movie about an unpopular fat girl who is just looking to accentuate and be herself in a judgmental society; these themes have never been more at the forefront of the American zeitgeist and, for the moment, this may help the film.

3) John Travolta is scary as fuck in drag.

It’s hard to really define what has attracted to me to this trailer. Perhaps it’s reason number three above but I’m of the belief that any preview that has a good beat that you can dance to is worthy of a few moments. The opening sequence, sans the stale and stalwart voiceover that just grates on the nerves, sets things up fairly nicely. You’ve got the period, the time, the place and the people all tossed out within the first ten seconds.

You’re bounced, in a nice way, from what our protagonist holds fairly close to what is really at issue with the young lady. We may not know, there are some of us who have never seen the original, exactly is so interesting about a chubby girl and her desire to be on that era’s CLUB MTV but it works. It works for me.

If you can look past Travolta as he unsuccessfully tries to channel Divine’s oddness or Queen Latifah’s route, cookie cutter performance that doesn’t ever seem to change no matter what vehicle she’s placed in, there is really something that simmers on the screen as Michelle Pfeiffer just helps to move things along.

You leave things just sensing this could be a more satisfying than DREAMGIRLS if for no other reason than you have nearly a dozen people all contributing toward the common goal of making a classic film a little more palatable to a wider audience, just like any good co-opting campaign.

HOT ROD (2007)

Director: Akiva Schaffer
Cast:
Andy Samberg, Isla Fisher, Jorma Taccone, Bill Hader, Sissy Spacek, Ian McShanez
Release: August 3, 2007
Synopsis: Self-proclaimed stuntman Rod Taylor is preparing for the jump of his life. Rod plans to clear fifteen buses in an attempt to raise money for his abusive stepfather Frank’s life-saving heart operation. He’ll land the jump, get Frank better, and then fight him, hard.

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Prognosis: Positive. Before Red Vines were crazy delicious and before Justin Timberlake actually found his way into my heart with his Dick In A Box song, Andy Samberg was just a name to me.

Saturday Night Live was just this limping horse that needed to be put down and turned into glue and my interest in the sketch comedy show that just seems be a staging area for people to come and then go to do something better was at a nadir. I think that Jimmy Fallon was a joke, not a jokester, and Tina Fey, no matter what you might think, was a pandering comedienne who delighted in laughing at her own material on Weekend Update and is only better now because she doesn’t guffaw at her writing on 30 ROCK.

When Samberg appeared on the scene, though, I found my TiVoed episodes taking a little bit longer to get through. The kid was, and is, humorous. He may not be establishing a new way to deliver the funny funny but he does have an original voice that is a delight to listen to when it has something good to say.

This trailer got my attention.

From the get-go the framing of the opening scene is just good. You’ve got this suburban neighborhood that seems about as boring as any manufactured housing development for Yuppies can be. The composition just elicits smiles.

Samberg’s personally made yellow cape looks like a yellow flag that was spray pained with his name just moments before and as he cranks his moped, the diminutive stature of the bike itself is another piece of the whole moment, asking whether the jump ramp we’re all familiar with as kids has been reinforced. As the word “No” gets uttered, Samberg shrugging it off and going full-force towards his destiny.

As his body is flung from his bike, he tumbles forward and completely eats it on the downslide. It’s fucking hilarious. CGI, special effects, I’m not sure how they captured the moment but it was good. You’ve got no choice from here but to keep watching.

We get to know who Rod is by being introduced to his sad little life. He looks like a low-rent daredevil and the kind of camera shots and odd characters that we glimpse make this a wonderful teaser trailer.

I don’t think I have any handle on what’s really happening in this movie but that’s irrelevant to the way this film is being marketed.

TRANSFORMERS (2007)

Director: Michael Bay
Cast: Shia LaBeouf, Tyrese Gibson, Josh Duhamel, Anthony Anderson, Rachael Taylor, Megan Fox, John Turturro, Jon Voight
Release: July 4, 2007
Synopsis: Whereas the Earth is the home of a variety of organic-based lifeforms, the planet of Cybertron is the homeworld of a race of robots which have the ability to transform into other mechanisms, with each Transformer having its own unique disguise. The Transformers are divided into two separate camps: the good and just Autobots, who are led by Optimus Prime (whose disguise is a red 18-wheel semi truck); and the evil Decepticons, who are led by Megatron (who transforms into a gun; there’s a good deal of size-shifting involved with Megatron as well). With fuel supplies (called Energon Cubes) on Cybertron running low, both forces travel through space looking for a new source, which leads them to Earth, which from their perspective in rich in the minerals and chemicals they need. Disguising themselves as cars, airplanes, boats, etc. easily recognizable to humans, the Transformers engage in a secret war for control of Earth’s bountiful natural resources.

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Prognosis: Positive. Forget everything I said.

No, strike that, forget what I portended for the future of THE TRANSFORMERS movie if the teaser trailer were any indication of what was to come.

I admit and still believe that the teaser trailer where the little robotic machine that’s traversing some alien soil that subsequently gets crushed, the very first look we got as viewers for how Bay was handling the property, is just awful. It’s shoddily done and looks like it was an assignment given to some 8th grade video and tech students at George Washington P.S. #138.

This, however, is great. A solidly built trailer that promises everything that the summer can be: loud, hot and fun. It seems so simple but this is the first trailer for a tent film that has actually stoked a sense of “gotta see it” in my inner child.

First, hats off for a) not using a voiceover and b) actually contextualizing Shia’s character. What could have been a moment to show things ripping apart or getting crushed under some machine’s metal foot we get that Shia is a normal kid. The sneaky reveal that he’s ending up with a car off Bernie Mac’s used car lot and not the Porche dealership they pull into is cute. Audiences will eat that kind of thing up. The Autobot decal on the horn is a real nice touch. I could have done without Bernie’s declarations that “the car picks the driver” and, I can’t believe it was said, “there’s a mystical bond between man and machine” as, besides feeling false, it shoehorns us into what follows.

Mere quibbles as what comes after, the car taking off in the middle of the night as Shia looks on, the quiet, thunderous arrival of other machines into our atmosphere is simply dazzling. It’s impressive to see the money shots we’re given.

In an era where it’s en vogue to deny anything and everything, to see the machines collide into the ground, a ballpark and then to see Bumblebee transform in front of us, to look at the detail put into the cars’ anatomy, is nothing short of amazing.

Again, yes, the whole army trope of “Gentleman, what you’re about to see is”¦” is so tired and lame and boring and a lazy device for any writer worth his margarita salt there is a sense of danger and impending doom when you see Megatron standing there, lifeless.

Two things while I’m thinking of it:

1. If that indeed is Starscream hopping up in the air, transforming into a jet plane and taking off is unreal. The physics actually feel applied. If you see how fluid a lot of effects make ordinary objects look like, a little too fluid, see SUPERMAN RETURNS for this, you can only be bowled over to see things given weight, made to seem like gravity applies.

2. The Optimus Prime transformation. I know there are lot of Gen Xers out there who eschew the series and say that the animation really wasn’t great to begin with and that it was one big marketing gimmick, etc”¦ I can say I agree but to see that diesel truck come alive it just awakens the 6th grader in me.

For a trailer to do that and for the orgy of violence we’re given at the end there is just something in me that hopes this isn’t a trailer like PEARL HARBOR that promised an epic but gave us a crap love story; the geek backlash would be far less forgiving.

Weekend Shopping Guide 5/25/07: Use The Ratatouille

Filed under: Shopping Guides — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:50 pm

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The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

The complementary “Art Of” volumes that have gone hand-in-hand with the release of every Pixar film since Monsters, Inc. are as beautiful and fascinating as the fully realized films whose visual development process they chronicle. Maintaining that high standard is the companion to director Brad Bird’s latest, The Art of Ratatouille (Chronicle Books, $40.00 SRP). Packed with sketches, design progressions, storyboards, character models, and more, it’s another top-notch volume to add to the shelf.

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It’s bittersweet that just a few weeks after the untimely death of writer/director Bob Clark (killed, along with his son, by a drunk driver), Fox has released Porky’s : The Ultimate Collection (Fox, Rated R, DVD-$29.98 SRP), containing all 3 Porky’s films. The 2nd and 3rd installments are largely forgettable, but the first film is still a modern coming-of-age classic that has been continuously “homaged” by films ever since. The original Porky’s contains a commentary with Clark, and retrospective featurettes (the less said about the video game pitch, the better). Give Porky’s and Bob Clark’s other classic, A Christmas Story, a spin.

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It got a bare-bones release last year, but Clint Eastwood’s first Iwo Jima film, Flags Of Our Fathers (Paramount, Rated R, DVD-$34.99 SRP), is being re-released as a feature-laden 2-disc affair. Those bonus materials include an introduction from Clint, featurettes (on casting, visual effects, the history, and the script) and the original theatrical trailer.

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Let that be a prelude, however, to Eastwood’s far superior Letters From Iwo Jima (Warner Bros., Rated R, DVD-$34.99 SRP), which tells the exact same story as Flags, but from the Japanese perspective. Where Flags is very much a by-the-numbers, at times staid and tedious film, Letters is nuanced, powerful, and elegant – Eastwood just seems to be more energized by the material and the characters themselves. There are no caricatures to be found in the Japanese servicemen left on a suicide mission to defend the tiny island of Iwo Jima from the Allied troops, and that is the film’s greatest strength. The 2-disc special edition sports a behind-the-scenes documentary, a featurette of the cast discussing the real soldiers, premiere & press conference footage, and an image gallery.

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The Good German (Warner Bros., Rated R, DVD-$27.98 SRP) is a noble cinematic experiment, of the kind that producer/star George Clooney and director Steven Soderbergh seem to like to engage in periodically. Essentially a throwback to the Warner era of Casablanca, it’s a black & white nouveau-classic about an American journalist (Clooney) in postwar Berlin who encounters a former lover (Cate Blanchett) and her new military beau (Tobey Maguire), and a mysterious murder that only he seems interested in solving. It’s a largely successful throwback to Hollywood’s golden age.

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Nostalgia is often a double-edged sword – equal parts joyful and depressing. Such I the case of my reaction to reading a pair of fine trade paperback releases from Marvel – Alpha Flight Classic: Volume 1 (Marvel, $24.99 SRP) and Fantastic Four Visionaries – Walt Simonson: Volume 1 ($19.99 SRP). Both collect the first batch of issues that launch memorably enjoyable runs on both titles… That’s the good part. The bad part is that both books remind me just how cruddy comics – and the characters I used to love – have become in the years since their original publication, corrupted by poor writing, wrongheaded editors, and visionless companies. It’s a damn shame.

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John Wayne would have been 100-years-old this year, and to celebrate, film fans are getting some very nice special editions of his classic flicks. That includes a brand new fully remastered special edition of True Grit (Paramount, Rated G, DVD-$19.99 SRP), with an audio commentary, a quartet of retrospective featurettes, and the original theatrical trailer. Not to be outdone, Warner has pulled out a pair of big guns with special editions of Rio Bravo (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$20.98 SRP) and The Cowboys (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP). The 2-disc edition of Bravo features an audio commentary (with John Carpenter & Richard Schickel), 2 brand-new featurettes, a spotlight on director Howard Hawks, and a trailer gallery. Cowboys features a commentary from director Mark Rydell, a reunion featurette, a vintage behind-the-scenes featurette, and the theatrical trailer.

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The occasion of the Duke’s 100th birthday has given studios the excuse to cull some new-to-DVD flicks from the vaults, and Warner has done that with the 6-disc John Wayne Film Collection (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP). The films in question are Allegheny Uprising, Reunion In France, Without Reservations, Tycoon, Big Jim McLain, and Trouble Along The Way. Each disc features a classic contemporary short subject and cartoon.

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When titans stumble. Up until the fifth season of Scrubs (Buena Vista, Not Rated, DVD-$39.99 SRP), I thought the show to be one of those rare comedies that could balance both humor and poignancy, never betraying the reality of its characters and situation for the sake of a cheap gag. Then came the 5th season, when reality was shoved aside, the characters became caricatures, and the humor played like a second rate live action interpretation of Family Guy. It’s not that the humor became sophomoric – Scrubs always had a touch of that, because its main character was a geeky 20-something intern/doctor – it’s that I just lost any and all respect for the characters that had been so nicely fleshed out over the preceding 4 seasons, often betraying every bit of nuance and verisimilitude that made the comedy that much sweeter. It’s a shame when titans stumble – but worse was to come, if you’ve been watching season 6. This 3-disc set features all 24 mixed bag episodes, plus deleted scenes, featurettes, and audio commentaries (but not a single bit of the blog material the producers put together last year).

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As sequels go, Fay Grim (Magnolia, Rated R, DVD-$29.98 SRP) is exactly the uniquely odd follow-up you’d expect from filmmaker Hal Hartley. Continuing the lives of the characters from Henry Fool, the focus this time is on Parker Posey’s Fay Grim, who is asked by a CIA agent (Jeff Goldblum) to aid in locating Henry’s notebooks and turn them over in exchange for her brother Simon’s freedom (he was jailed after helping the escaped Henry – who broke out of prison – flee the country). Bonus features include a making-of featurette, a Fay Grim episode, deleted scenes, and Hartley’s trailer for the film.

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I enjoyed his stand-up DVD from a few years back, and I enjoyed Joe Rogan’s new comedy CD, Shiny Happy Jihad (Comedy Central Records, $12.98 SRP). He’s just as outspoken and no-holds-barred as he’s always been, but here’s hoping this more widely distributed release gets him more fans than that untalented hack Dane Cook.

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There’s over three decades worth of shakin’ going on in Jerry Lee Lewis: Greatest Live Performances of the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s (Time Life, Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP), a DVD that more than lives up to its title with some choice vintage footage full of piano playin’ fire and brimstone.

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It was inevitable that there would be yet another dip into Virgin territory with the new 2-disc unrated edition of The 40-Year-Old Virgin (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$24.98 SRP). In addition to the unrated cut, the set features cast auditions, 17 minutes of deleted scenes, a cast roundtable discussion, unedited Steve Carell takes, rehearsal footage, plus a sneak peek at producer/director Judd Apatow’s upcoming Knocked Up (a free ticket for which is included in the set).

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I never knew that HBO aired the full Broadway revival of Alan Jay Lerner & Frederick Leowe’s Camelot (Acorn, Not Rated, DVD-$29.99 SRP) in 1982, which starred a vibrant Richard Harris in the lead. Well, 25 years later, you can now get that special on DVD.

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Based on the New York City police corruption investigations of the early 70’s, Sidney Lumet’s gritty Prince of the City (Warner Bros., Rated R, DVD-$19.98 SRP) is a grim, dirty look at dirty cops and the dirty city they inhabited during the Big Apple’s darkest days. A sprawling epic, it could easily have been a miniseries – with 130 locations and 126 speaking parts – but deserves its big screen canvass. The 2-disc special edition features a newly-produced retrospective featurette, and the original theatrical trailer.

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It’s nice to see blue-eyed Peter O’Toole aging into the loveable geriatric leach of the silver screen in Venus (Miramax, Rated R, DVD-$29.99 SRP), but I can see why this otherwise slight role garnered him only an Academy Award nomination, but no win. As an aging actor smitten with the grandniece of his closest friend, the material is not really strong enough to support the performance, which is a true shame. Still, I’m sure there are more parts to come. Bonus materials include an audio commentary, deleted scenes, and a behind-the-scenes featurette.

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If there’s one thing that Epic Movie (Fox, Not Rated DVD-$29.99 SRP) proves – beyond a doubt – it’s that films should not be made that are essentially an extended MadTV sketch. Skewering Hollywood blockbusters like Scary Movie took on the horror franchises of the 90’s, the jokes are one-note, and based largely on visual approximations of the parody targets. It’s hard to make fun of already-ludicrous popcorn flicks… And this attempt falls flat. Bonus materials include an audio commentary, behind-the-scenes featurettes, outtakes, and more.

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The 6-disc Highlander: The Ultimate Collection set (Starz Home Entertainment, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP) features 15 of what it terms the “Best of the Best” episodes from the surprisingly long-running TV adventures of the immortal Duncan MacLeod. In addition to those episodes – spanning all 6 seasons – the set also contains a featurette on the Parisian locations of “The City of Lights,” a spotlight on the show’s swordfights, a celebration of the show’s fans, a preview of the upcoming videogame, and a trip to the Spanish facility that makes the show’s weapons.

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The OC proved to be one of those radiant zeitgeist shows that burned incredibly hot for its first two seasons, then plunged to Earth, eventually limping along to a bitter finale. There was an element of course correction during what turned out to be its final season, but you can see for yourself that the show’s fourth season (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP) had a lot of ground to make up to get things back on track, and they ultimately were not given the chance to see if it all worked. The 5-disc set features all 16 episodes, plus an audio commentary on the finale, unaried scenes, a Chrismukkah featurette, and a Summer Roberts featurette.

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For over 50 years, the CIA has attempted to eliminate Cuban dictator Fidel Castro – who, as you may know, is very much alive and still with us. If you’d like to view an excellent documentary detailing all of the near-misses, ludicrous plots, bad luck, and failure after failure, check out 638 Ways To Kill Castro (Starz Home Entertainment, Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP). Bonus features include additional interviews.

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Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto (Touchstone, Rated R, DVD-$29.99 SRP) is just as powerful, bombastic, and overblown as its troubled auteur, and becomes largely exhausting on the small screen. It doesn’t help that the entire affair is overshadowed by the feeling that Gibson – high on horse – is just trying too hard. If Braveheart was a pretentious statement, then this is full blown egomaniacal filmmaking at both its best and worst – it’s sometimes beautiful to behold, and there’s some admirable cinema, but it’s all just too overwhelming. Bonus features include audio commentary, a deleted scene (with optional commentary), and a behind-the-scenes featurette.

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It’s amazing – and somewhat disturbing – that BCI’s releases from the Filmation library has now gotten to the point where it seems everything one of Hollywood’s most mediocre animation studios ever produced. The two latest blasts from the past is the complete series of Hero High (BCI, Not Rated, DVD-$24.98 SRP), about a high school for superheroes, and an animated Rick Springfield in the complete series of Mission: Magic! (BCI, Not Rated, DVD-$ SRP), which is some kind of weird mash-up of Harry Potter and School of Rock. Both sets feature copious amounts of bonus materials, including commentaries, featurettes, interviews, galleries, and more.

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Even if I were just judging it on its appealing design sensibility, and not its equally fun storytelling, Nickelodeon’s Avatar: The Last Airbender would be worth checking out. Give it a spin and see if you agree, with the third volume of the show’s second season, Book 2: Earth (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$16.99 SRP). Bonus materials include audio commentary from the creators and cast on the 5 episodes featured in this volume.

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Learn the awesome power of duct tape via Canada’s biggest advocate for this modern marvel, Red Green. The 3-disc Red Green Show: 1998 Season set (Acorn, Not Rated, DVD-$39.99 SRP) features all 14 episodes of the canuck comedy, but we get short shrift on extras.

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The 80’s really were a glorious era of bombastic TV. I mean, a series focusing on an attack helicopter and its renegade pilot righting wrongs and saving the day? Priceless. Airwolf: Season Three (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP) features an additional 22 episodes of rotored brilliance.

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It’s the 30th anniversary of Star Wars, so I thought we’d part with a look at a pair of collectibles that you will probably be hard-pressed to resist shelling out the necessary cash for in order to add them to your collection. First up is Gentle Giant’s animated-style Luke Skywalker maquette ($80.00). The piece stands approx. 8″ tall and is limited to an edition size of 4,500.

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And, just because it seems right, lets finish things off with a bounty hunter. Which bounty hunter? Well, it’s certainly not Dog. No, it’s the one and only Boba Fett, brought to startling scale life from Sideshow Collectibles. The 1/4-scale Premium Format Boba Fett ($324.99) stands approx. 19″ tall, and is limited to an edition size of 2,000. From the scale clothing and armor reproduction to the iconic pose, it’s a stunning piece that’s right at home next to the rest of Sideshow’s must-have Star Wars Premium Format line.

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So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

-Ken Plume

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Party Favors: Pharm Rockin’

Filed under: Columns,Joe Corey's Party Favors — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:15 am

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BRANSON – Who knew that the hottest ticket this summer would be the Astelins tour. Luckily they are fans of the Party Favors so they’ve taken me along as their atmosphere coordinator.

I’m so messed up backstage with these party boys of Pharm-rock.

Yes, you heard it from me (and not Pitchfork or Rolling Stone), there’s a new genre in town. Pharm-Rock is the hottest thing going this summer. It’s bigger than Emo. Forget about Bright Eyes, the hot women this year have Red Eyes and they want the type of relief that the Astelins bring every night across America. They’ve already sold out Red Rocks, the Staples Center and three nights in Madison Square Garden. Not to mention SRO at the Holiday Inn.

The ladies go frickin’ insane when S breaks out his Side Effects solo. He’d might compete with Tom Jones for panties piles except it seems that way too many of the ladies nowadays go commando. They “Sun” the S by letting him know that the biggest side effect he’ll be dealing with is a vertical smile that Blackfoot would appreciate. Forget Van Halen’s M&Ms, backstage features bowls of the magic pills for the honeys to ingest. It’s like a party at Chevy Chase’s intervention. Although the drowsy side effect makes the backstage honeys easy targets. Even Morrisey could get laid here. I’ve been told the Secret Service has direct orders from the White House to keep the Bush twins away from the Astelins. They’ll clear out your head and your inhibitions.

I’ve hotel partied with Black Sabbath, Judas Priest and Slayer. But the Astelins bring back the debauchery that Jimmy Page would appreciate. I never knew you could get a petting zoo from room service at the Trump Plaza.

The Embarq Trio is the opening act. Those are such a pack of hipsters that their bong has the Grove Press Black Cat logo. I’m filled with pills and wireless action. When will the party stop?

CHARGE IT

They keep pushing the iPhone, Hello Moto and all the wonderful things that they want to shove onto cellphones. They want to send instant movies, music and websites to my tiny phone. But here’s my simple question – have they come up with a battery that lasts longer than two hours? I have a new Motorola phone and that battery needs recharging after a day of barely being used. What hope will there be if I’m doing a Dick Tracy teleconference? Do they sell backpacks with car batteries inside to go along with these new models?

Every time I visit the Genius Bar at the Apple Store, there’s at least two people ahead me that have iPods with dead batteries. Imagine the joy of frying your iPhone battery? Maybe the cellphones of the future should also be able to use their antennas to pick up power from the air? Give us the Tesla future!

TAT ME

Why don’t the give the actual time it takes to get a tattoo on Miami Ink? They make it seem like it takes longer to get a haircut than cover your back with a portrait of your pitbull. When I show up wanting to get a portrait of Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra kicking the crap out of Jack Warner across my back; it’d be nice to know if it’ll be a three day event of pain. Is that too much to ask, Ami?

MOVE BEYOND

This is a simple plea to Michael Bouble – move beyond the Frank Sinatra records. It’s nice to pay tribute to the Vegas legends. But if I want to hear Sinatra, I’ll listen to my Sinatra. May I recommend you crack open Bob Mould’s songbook? He’s written at least a dozen songs that could be interpreted with your lounge charts. “See A Little Light” could make the girls swoon. Don’t merely mimic. Innovate and point out that some people do write them like they used to – you just have to find them. How about doing Nick Drake’s “Poor Boy.” That’s got a jazz vibe and you get to have a mocking moment from your background singers. Clay Aiken didn’t listen to my advice and look what has happened to him.

WHY FAKE IT?

Why does VH1 have Rock Honors? What exactly is the point in them giving time to ZZ Top, Ozzy and Genesis since they don’t play them on that channel anymore? Shouldn’t VH1 be honoring Flavor Flav, Dustin Diamond and Jerry Springer? That’s all I ever see on that channel. Does Spike TV play tribute to their old Country Music programming? Give up the charade, VH1. We know you celebrate the day the music died. Quit ruining VH1Classic by turning it into your junk drawer. I don’t need to see that 12 hour Jackson Family mini-series. Stick to doing freakish old videos, great BBC concerts and the Classic rock.

BOOZE OF THE YEAR!

Party Favors’ Wine of the Year Award goes to a very subtle Barossa Grenache called Bitch from Australia. Whenever we go to the Underground, my wife can’t help, but ask the waitress for a “glass of Bitch!” In California, you can probably get sued. If you’re getting sick of the word police led by Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Russell Simmons, do yourself a favor and ask out loud for a bottle of Bitch! And don’t call it the B-word. If you can’t order it right, you don’t deserve to drink it all night.

Speaking with Dan and Linda, my connections in Melbourne, I’ve discovered the Australian wine market is in overdrive. It is cheaper to buy a bottle of wine than a can of Fosters in the supermarket. The Kangavines are bursting with goodness.

I only hope that Bitch doesn’t cut into the market for my private label: Beatdown Vineyards. We’re going after the Nighttrain and MadDog crowd. This is not to be confused with our GetUF’dUp Malt Liquor.

Remember that drinking Bitch doesn’t make you one especially if you cut it with a little Blow Monkeys action.

OVEN SECRETS EXPOSED

Kitchen Confidential lasted only a few weeks on Fox as a sitcom back in 2005. But those folks at the house of Rupes decided that they need to serve up the entrees in the freezer. So now all 13 episodes of the show are on a 2 DVD collection. This is kinda like what they recently did with Pam Anderson’s Nobel prize nominated Stacked!

The show is not even close to Anthony Bourdain’s book. It’s a shame it doesn’t have strange flashbacks to Bourdain’s years working at the deep fried seafood joints of Provincetown. Where’s the pirate kitchen crew with girl nicknames? How come the Chef Bourdain doesn’t talk about the Simpsons? Why does the pastry chef look like Richard Kind’s younger brother? At least the seafood guy is from Harold and Kumar Go to The White Castle. Now that’s a movie that can give you the munchies. Is there still frozen White Castle mini-burgers in the freezer.

If you can accept that this show has nothing to do with the book – it’s a fun sitcom. Bradley Cooper’s Jack Bourdain doesn’t act like the Anthony Bourdain that roams the globe on the Travel Channel’s No Reservations. Cooper looks like Ralph Fiennes’ funny brother. He looks like he could run a kitchen and seduce stewardesses. Pack on a couple more pounds and he’ll be cast in the Gordon Ramsay action movie: Sauteed Ass Whooping in Imax 3-D. I was rejected from the new season of Hell’s Kitchen. Ramsay was jealous of my ability to put everything on Ritz crackers. If it’s good enough for Andy Griffith, it’s good enough for me.

TASTE OF LOVE

Does anyone know if Ewan McGregor is the spokesman for a Haggis flavored toothpaste? Is anything outside of haggis, promoted as having the taste of haggis without being haggis? Do they have Haggis flavored energy drinks in the Seven-Elevens of Scotland?

QUOTE THIS

Can Tiger Woods quote all the lines from Caddyshack II? Does Dan Aykroyd remember any of his lines as Capt. Tom Everett? Chevy Chase must have lost all of his memories from this film about two rehabs ago. Is Jackie Mason more proud of this film or his Chicken Soup series? Jackie’s listed as having starred in A Stroke of Genius with Fred Berry. Jackie versus Rerun. Why isn’t that film getting rerun at 3 a.m.?

NBCee YOU LATER

Expect the Peacock network to be competing for viewers with Ion. It’s like they love to embrace a losing attitude. They won’t be happy until they create a network dedicated to Law and No Deal. Convicts have to pick their jail term from the silver briefcases. Ready to make your pick, Paris?

Chuck is about a computer geek who has spy secrets embedded in his brain. Dude, that a Keanu Reeves movie that runs every weekend on cable. Remember Johnny Mnemonic? Maybe next season they’ll make a series out of Feeling Minnesota?

My favorite show description is Life. A detective is given a second chance after spending years in prison for a crime he didn’t commit. Wasn’t that the basis of Rockford Files?

How the hell is NBC bringing back the Bionic Woman without having a Six Million Dollar Man series on the air? This would be like remaking The Ropers without having them spun off a second take of Three’s Company. Jaime Sommers is nothing without Steve Austin. Also what’s the point of remaking The Bionic Woman without having DVDs of the original series on the shelf? Or at least they need to run them on Sci-Fi channel when they aren’t doing one of their crappy CGI films. Did any of the guys at NBC recognize the simple fact that the original Bionic Woman aired for 2 1/2 seasons? That’s not exactly a Derby favorite bloodline. Remember what happened when ABC brought back Kolchak: The Nightstalker? Why remake a show that didn’t make it to 100 episodes? How about bringing back Emeril? How about 21st Century Golden Girls with Valerie Harper, Mary Tyler Moore, Cloris Leachman and Ed Asner in drag?

Speaking of the Kentucky Derby, I’m sorry about my hot tip. But at least it allowed the headline to read “Scat Daddy Poops Out.” Which was also the critic’s quote used on the box for Germany’s #1 DVD for the past two years.

SUNDUNCED

Robert Redford has once again dismissed my pairing for Sundance’s Iconclasts. Who wouldn’t want to spend an hour with America Ferrera and Abel Ferrara? Ugly Betty hanging with The Bad Lieutenant in a Brooklyn dive bar might win the Reality Emmy. The fun would be in seeing if America is willing to match Abel’s intact of various substance.

Maybe he’ll finally approve of my fallback: Steve Buscemi and John Waters going to Mount Airy, North Carolina for Mayberry Days to meet the greatest Barney Fife impersonator. Imagine John and Steve swapping tales as they handcrank the ice cream.

SNIFF IT

Bruce Campbell’s “Hungry Like a Wolf” singer ad for Old Spice body spray almost makes me want to drench myself. But I don’t have enough shag carpet in the living room and my Casio’s AC adapter is lost. What am I going to do with all the woman if I can’t tinkle the ivories for them?

DAMN YOU, TIMBERLAKE

I wasn’t completely repulsed by seeing Justin Timberlake in Alpha Dog. Damn it. I want to throw crap at the screen when he appears. But he does an amazing job. He might charm his way to a Golden Globe.

Lukas Haas when greased up looks ready to play Lemmy in The Motorhead Movie in 3-D.

Amanda Seyfried is such a cutie in the film. Be nice to see her in the new season of Big Love (starts June 11 on HBO). Will this be the year that Roman Grant makes her his latest bride as a peace offering? Who else is waiting for Harry Dean Stanton to drop trousers on the channel?

Do wonder if they’ll be having an Alpha Dog and Bully double feature at the teenage halfway house? There really should be a Teens gone extra bad movie series section at Blockbuster call it “The Children of River’s Edge.”

FLIP EXCUSE

Has any busted perv on Dateline’s Predator Kitchen ever claimed that he’s dyslexic and thought the female typing was 41 and not 14? The key to this defense is to meet her at 11:11 so you can have an excuse why you didn’t mess up the meeting time.

ENOUGH RUN

Why does MTV keep showing marathons of Run’s House? Remember when MTV was a scourge of society? Now this? It’s about as fun as watching Springer Hustle. Why the hell is that show on? Enough with the “our jobs are sooooo tough” BS programming. I don’t care. Springer lost it for me when they cut back on hot bisexual strippers that were always cheating on their men. Enough with the touring company of Deliverance: The Musical….in 3-D!

Here’s a special thanks to the guys at E!’s The Soup for biting the bullet and finding the vapid highlights from Sons of Hollywood. Has there ever been a greater reason to demand stars be neutered before they breed these wastes of organic matter? These kids have everything they desire, but they all need a harsh beating. You watch a minute of this show and think Bing Crosby had a reason to smack his kids with a golf club.

STROKE NO MORE

Here are 10 women I no longer think about while pleasuring myself. I’m sorry if you made the list, but it’s just the truth. The lust between us is over. Don’t cry, ladies. I hope you remember the good times or at least remember me thinking about what would have been the good times. If you need any tissues, they’re on the nightstand. Don’t touch the ones on the floor.

  • 10. Christina Ricci – even half naked and chained to a radiator wasn’t a turn on.
  • 9. Jennifer Connelly – imagined her as a groovy semi-hippie gal. The type that would love browsing through used bookstores before going next door to the adult bookstore. But then she showed up on Leno and came off as Courtney Cox’s sister.
  • 8. Jessica Simpson – kept thinking Joe Simpson was hiding in the closet with his personal video crew.
  • 7. Gayle King – Oprah kept banging on the door. It ruined my rhythm.
  • 6. Angelina Jolie – During her wild days, I’d let her do soooo much to me. Leather, latex, flames, PVC pipe and needles weren’t out of the question. But the fantasies devolved into Brad’s waiting in the mini-van with the kids. She’s on the cellphone saving the world. Angelina looks over at me on the bed and asks, “Can’t you take care of yourself?”
  • 5. Drew Barrymore – I won’t touch anything that Tom Green has eaten.
  • 4. Winona Ryder – if she had pleaded guilty, I would have had a fantasy of her earning Trustee status at Corey Correctional.
  • 3. Bea Arthur – Why fantasize when the dream is only a phone call away?
  • 2. Any Woman I Went to College with That I’ve Encountered in the Past Two Years – Those that moved far away from me, you’re still on my good list.
  • 1. Uma Thurman – My Super Ex-Girlfriend summed us up.

QSE News: 5/25/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:05 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgProducer Joel Silver is working to bring He-Man back to the big screen. The Mattel action figure was previously and disastrously turned into a feature film in the 80s starring Dolph Lundgren. Silver said that after the success of the film 300, the time is right “for mostly naked men prancing around and wrestling with each other.”
  • Davis Guggenheim, the director of the Oscar winning film An Inconvenient Truth, has revealed plans to make a sequel to the hit documentary. According to sources the sequel will feature Al Gore getting his hands dirty by combating global warming with a shoulder mounted rocket launcher and a plucky sidekick named Short Round.
  • One of the Olsen Twins is striking out on her own. Mary-Kate, better known as the creepy Olsen Twin, has been cast in Showtime’s Weeds. Olsen will play a religious girl with a wild side. Olsen has plenty of time for the new commitment as she has given up eating.

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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May 24, 2007

QSE News: 5/24/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:05 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgTalk show host, book pimp, and OG, Oprah Winfrey, is apparently upset by a book being penned by her father, Vernon Winfrey.  The subject of the book? Oprah Winfrey.  While not citing the specifics of her displeasure, sources close to Oprah say that she is most upset by the chapters “Born with a Weiner,” “Things I Put In Her Caboose,” “More Oprah Fat Jokes, Part 9” and “Did I Mention That She Was Born with a Wiener?”
  • The Grateful Dead is getting its own radio station on Sirius satellite radio. The station will pull from the band’s entire catalog as well as music from the surviving members’ other projects. To help increase listenership of the new station, Sirius plans on sending out bags of high-quality marijuana to each new subscriber because, according to a Sirius programming chief, “no one can listen to that shit without it.”
  • Michael Jackson is being paid £5 million to show up at a birthday party for HRH Prince Azim of Brunei. Despite the rather large sum of money paid to Jackson, the singer will not be performing during the party. Jackson decided to “not even really try to impress anyone” after he realized that the Prince was celebrating his 25th birthday.

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 5/24/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:01 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Thanks to the fine folks at the wonderful animation website Cartoon Brew, today’s edition is going to focus on some of the animated short films of the UPA studio – starting with Gerald McBoing Boing... (Thingamabob)
  • Followed by The Unicorn In The Garden(Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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May 23, 2007

QSE News: 5/23/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:42 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgAccording to inside sources, three of the main characters in the upcoming film The Watchmen are about to be cast.  The Watchmen, based on the best selling graphic novel, tells the story about a world where superheros exist, but many have been forced to give up the mantle. Headlining the cast will be Jude Law as the smartest man on Earth, Ozymandias, and Keanu Reeves as the all powerful Doctor Manhattan.  With the pending singing of Reeves, the writers have been working furiously to dumb down Doctor Manhattan’s dialog and add in more instances of the exclamation “whoa.”
  • Over the weekend, perpetually-tipsy American Idol judge Paula Abdul allegedly broke her nose in a fall. However, despite the injuries, Abdul is not expected to miss any of her American Idol duties. In a statement released to the press, Abdul noted that she “I… umm… just tripped. Over my Chihuahua.  I’m so clumsy.  I really should just be more careful.  Oh, and I don’t think I’ll question Simon’s sexuality anymore.”
  • Angelina Jolie has announced that she will be taking a year off from acting to focus on her personal life with Brad Pitt and their children. In a statement to the press, Jolie stated, “acting is just such hard work. I mean, I have to get up, everyday, and work. Sometimes I even have to shoot two scenes in the same day. How am I supposed to care for my 45 children when I have to wait in my trailer all day until my stand-in finishes getting everything ready for me to say my lines?”

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 5/23/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:28 am

thingamabobs.jpg

The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • An important plea for original Pogo art… (Thingamabob)
  • I still don’t know what to think about Enchanted(Thingamabob)
  • Lyle Waggoner’s a total jerk, second only to Tommy Kirk… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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May 22, 2007

Interview: Berkeley Breathed

Filed under: Interviews — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:01 am

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-by Ken Plume

breathed-03.jpgIf you were to make a list of the most influential – and popular – comic strip cartoonists of the last 50 years, Berkeley Breathed would surely hold a place on that list alongside names like Schulz, Kelly, Ketchum, Watterson, Walker, and Larson, just to name a very small number also gracing that particular scroll.

If any one strip defined the 80’s and its socio-political pop culture zeitgeist, I’d have to put my money on Breathed’s Bloom County, which introduced us to the most famous flightless waterfowl with serious mother issues, Opus the penguin. After folding Bloom County after an incredible run, Breathed returned to the comics section with the Sunday-only Outland – which, after another lengthy run, he also brought to a close.

During this period, he began producing lushly illustrated children’s books – A Wish For Wings That Work, The Last Basselope, Edward Fudwupper Fibbed Big, Goodnight Opus, Flawed Dogs, and Red Ranger Came Calling.

The new millennium brought Breathed back to comics with a new Sunday feature, Opus, bringing the loveably angsty little big-schnozzed penguin firmly into the present day without losing any of the sensibilities that made both Bloom County and Outland so memorable.

He’s also just released a brand new children’s book, Mars Needs Moms!, that tells a tale of parental love – one boy’s lack of appreciation for it, and a red planet’s desperate desire for it.

Still on the road promoting the book, Breathed kindly took the time to do a back-and-forth cyber-interview with me… So, without further ado, here’s our conversation with Berke Breathed…

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KP: Where did the initial concept for Mars Needs Moms! come from?

BREATHED: I pulled my four year old boy away from some train tracks as the train emerged around the bend. It occurred to me – in that way that things that are obvious suddenly do at the opportune moment – that I would have reflexively dove, pushed him off the tracks, and gotten whacked by the engine if the situation had called for it. This was a revelation. And I immediately mused at the fact that my kids will never really appreciate this sacrificial component to parenting… at moments that it might be helpful. Hence, the book.

KP: It seems parenting is a very consistent throughline in much of your work, from Opus’s search for his mother to the story in Mars Needs Moms!. What does being a parent represent to you?

breathed-04.jpgBREATHED: Deferring self-interest. And hearing the word “poop” more than before.

KP: What is the process like when you’re actually writing a book like Mars or Red Ranger? Do you see it as a visual process, or a verbal process?

BREATHED: The story gets laid out in my head in pictures. Only when I finish the last illustration do I actually write a single word. This, by the way, is exactly opposite as to how the entire industry does its thing. But then, no surprise, given my past.

KP: Does this process only apply to the books, or do you follow the same process in your strip work? Have you ever created a book in the opposite fashion, starting with the text?

BREATHED: Never. And I often do all the art for the strips first now… since I can compose the test digitally and change the art to fit it. This is new.

KP: What do you feel is the single strongest image you had in your mind for any of the books you’ve done so far – what is the one that struck you like a thunderbolt?

breathed-08.jpgBREATHED: In Goodnight Opus, our heroes sail over the China Sea in the moonlight, the boats lifting into the air below them to try fishing for the moon. A rare time that the art turned out how it originally appeared in my head when I thought of it.

KP: How would you describe the method by which you create your art? If I understand correctly, you do it largely in PhotoShop now… When did you make this transition, and what was the appeal?

BREATHED: Speed. My digital paintings are virtually indistinguishable from my airbrushed ones. But I can create 3 books in the time that I painted them previously.

KP: You originally began the Opus strip with the same kind of art style as your children’s books, but have since transitioned it back to a style more reminiscent of Bloom County and Outland. What was the reason for this move back to that more “classic” style?

BREATHED: The newspapers started running them about 6 inches square, due to various market pressures. There’s hardly much reason to spend an entire day putting that much effort in the art when it’s that small. Also, its the rare gag that can benefit from highly finished artwork. It some ways, it can distract. And the humor is king.

KP: Do you still use pen & ink on Opus, or has that moved into the digital realm as well?

BREATHED: Yep. I still like drawing by hand.

KP: You’ve spoken before about the cynical nature of the humor in Bloom County and Outland as being one of the factors that led to your eventual decision to walk away and move onto lighter fare (such as the children’s books). With your return to the strip, how has your attitude to this “negative humor” changed in the intervening years? Are you better able to cope with it, or was the desire to have the daily forum again an overriding factor?

BREATHED: Oh, its not too negative to be unpleasant. But a creative respite to the positive is redemptive. Kids books are good for this.

KP: Is cynicism always destructive?

BREATHED: Dunno about cynicism. Satire is, by its nature.

KP: Has being a father changed your worldview?

BREATHED: No. But it’s changed the emotional landscape, and that changes the imagination and the art.

KP: What do you feel is the first project that reflected the change in your emotional landscape? Do you think the pre-fatherhood you would have been capable of creating some of the projects you’ve done since becoming a father?

BREATHED: Mars Needs Moms! is the only book I’ve done, post kid. Most people could tell.

KP: Compared to the other strips that dominated the comics pages in the 80’s, what do you feel Bloom County brought to the table?

BREATHED: An “up yours” attitude, frankly. Kids were waiting for it. Ubiquitous now.

breathed-09.jpgKP: How does the ubiquitous nature of that attitude affect how you approach Opus?

BREATHED: No reason to try pushing the attitude stuff. We’re awash in edgy attitude now. I want to see humor and heart at this point.

KP: At the time, how big was the financial temptation to tone down the more controversial elements in Bloom County in order expand its appeal?

BREATHED: That presumes a self awareness that I didn’t enjoy at that time. Fortunes would have been reversed if we HAD toned things down, anyway.

KP: Considering your loathing for the ever-hovering deadline, how have you dealt with that pressure with Opus?

BREATHED: Middle age took care of that. Plus leaving extended adolescence.

KP: How fine is the line between making a serious point in a funny way, and making a serious point that’s intended to be funny, but falls flat?

BREATHED: Listen, the line between funny and not funny is whisker thin. A serious point told in a serious unfunny way is a disaster. Many cartoonists think this is okay. It’s not.

KP: Are there any storylines/characters that didn’t live up to your expectations in either Bloom County or Outland?

BREATHED: You mean are there cartoons in the past that didn’t? Good God yes. It’s shocking. There’s some that make absolutely no sense, as I drew them in a near state of sleepless coma. Shocking, frankly. Amazing I wasn’t thrown out of the page every year.

KP: Is there any subject that you never felt qualified to tackle? Any you weren’t comfortable tackling?

BREATHED: There are subjects that I find hilarious that nobody else does. Cosmetic surgery is one. Because, I think, everyone secretly believes that they may indulge in it one day, so laughing at its absurdity is self defeating.

KP: Your brief flirtation with legitimate news reporting early in your career didn’t work out too well. Even then, it seems, you couldn’t resist inserting your own point of view into the pieces. Where do you think that desire to speak out came from?

BREATHED: Its not an issue of needing to speak out. My impulse was to embellish, because everything isn’t usually interesting enough for me. Imagination is a dangerous thing in journalism.

breathed-06.jpgKP: What was the development process for A Wish for Wings That Work as an animated special? I remember it airing one year, then disappearing quickly. Even the VHS of Wings is out of print. I’m actually quite a fan of the special, but I know you weren’t terribly happy with the outcome. What happened, exactly?

BREATHED: Unspectacular ratings. Simple as that. My humor wasn’t meant for network television, even when the show is done right, which that one was not.

KP: What was the development process like for the special? What, in your view, were the stumbling blocks towards it falling short of what you wanted it to be?

BREATHED: In my case, lack of writing experience, as I wrote the script. And the director was way over his head.

breathed-05.jpgKP: You did an animated version of Edwurd Fudwupper Fibbed Big for Nickelodeon – what is the current status of that? I noticed you got quite a stellar cast…

BREATHED: An unmitigated technical disaster. Unfinished and unwatchable.

KP: This is a favorite book of mine, and I admit that your assessment of its abysmal execution disappoints me to no end…

BREATHED: We hired an animation company with 0 experience. But they promised much for the dollar. Classic mistake. It was simply beyond their skills and it never got finished, although for legal reasons, they delivered film. Unshowable.

KP: An Opus film had been announced awhile back – what is its current status? Are plans for it to be live action or animated?

BREATHED: Wonderfully dead. As it shall remain.

KP: Doonesbury was a musical – why not Bloom County?

BREATHED: The first part of that question is the answer.

KP: Who do you hear in your head as the “voice” of Opus?

BREATHED: I always wanted Sterling Holloway for Opus (Winnie the Pooh). He’s unavailable.

KP: Are there plans for any further animated adaptations? Here’s a hearty wish for another go at Opus, as well as Red Ranger Came Calling

BREATHED: Mars Needs Moms! is in development at Disney with Robert Zemeckis producing. Flawed Dogs is also with Disney. Opus shall remain unsullied by another director’s vision. He’s mine.

breathed-10.jpgKP: Are you looking at Moms and Flawed Dogs as traditionally animated, or as Zemeckian CG motion-capture pieces?

BREATHED: It will be Mo Cap. Just to annoy the animation community. But it’s a good candidate for that technology, which, like it or not, is going to grow.

KP: How would you describe working with Zemeckis? Are you on the same page, creatively?

BREATHED: I haven’t started working with him, as he’s finishing Beowulf. But his folks seem dedicated to preserving the look of my art. They were fanatical about this with Polar Express. We’ll see. You never know really. It’s all a gamble in Hollywood.

KP: What elements do you see as being essential to any adaptation of Opus for the big screen? How, essentially, do you define that character and his place in any world that might be created onscreen?

breathed-07.jpgBREATHED: I’m not setting Opus up again. Nobody will give me the control needed to protect him. Miramax wanted to redesign him, if you can believe that. I knew at that point that it was fine that the project was doomed.

KP: How would you sum up how your philosophy towards merchandising and adapting your strip to other mediums – a philosophy that differs from Bill Watterson’s…

BREATHED: I’ve come around to Bill’s view that unless they would let me draw every frame, forget it. More precisely, unless they let me write it, forget it. They never do this. Merchandising is fine, essentially because the fans love it. To pretend that the cartoons are above the sullied ground of commercial products is… getting a bit ahead of the artform, I think. We’re deep in the thick of the pop world. Embrace, I say.

KP: Have you ever been presented with a merchandise proposal that you refused to give permission to?

BREATHED: Ha! Nearly all of them! I only approved things that I would have in my office. And I wanted a Bill The Cat doll as much as the fans!

KP: What are the odds of getting Bloom County action figures into the mix?

BREATHED: 0%

KP: Were you at any time ever worried about negative feedback from the syndicate, editors, or the audience to any strip you’ve done?

BREATHED: I only worry that the readers are unamused. I could care less about editors.

KP: Were you ever censored?

BREATHED: Edited. Which is part of the game. I know where the boundaries are… usually. I am occasionally surprised. And I will probably go out on my sword one day, insisting on a particular strip running despite the furor. One day.

KP: Is there any one strip you can recall that you were surprised did not cause a ruckus? Or any you were surprised that did?

BREATHED: I used a Yiddish word that means “shit” one time. I had no idea. THAT got me a boycott from Christian groups . But many surprised my syndicate when they didn’t cause problems.

KP: What motivated you to engage in winning back your copyright in the late 80’s? How difficult a struggle was it?

BREATHED: It took threats to quit. When I got the rights back, I did quit. It was an ugly game of chicken that they forced us to play. The rules have changed now… and I feel good that I lead the way in this.

KP: How would things be different if you had lost the battle? For one thing, I’m sure we’d have had a Calvin & Hobbes cartoon by now…

BREATHED: Watterson didn’t have the rights when he stopped the merchandising. It was a huge risk for him. But they blinked, as they should have.

KP: Speaking of an animated Calvin & Hobbes, I was wondering if you had seen this student film piece, which just hit the web…

BREATHED: Oh my God. That’s my only reaction. And this: Bill is going to have a cow when he sees this. Not that it isn’t terrific. I think it’s like how we’d feel finding our wives naked on YouTube… no matter how hot they look.

KP: What creative muscles do you utilize while writing your children’s books that you were unable to use during your “stripping” days?

breathed-11.jpgBREATHED: Emotion. Drama. Tears. Good storytelling. I love this far more than evoking a laugh, to tell you the truth.

KP: Which emotional “beat” in your children’s books thus far is the most resonant to you, personally?

BREATHED: Sacrifice. The same in movies. Because people rarely do it, truly, in life. We’re largely selfish machines.

KP: How big of an influence was Dr. Seuss on the tone of your children’s books? They often remind me of Seuss stories without the rhymes…

BREATHED: None, I’m afraid. My influences in the books are more from film I think.

KP: Which films have had the most influence on you?

BREATHED: Lawrence of Arabia. Close Encounters. To Kill a Mockingbird. Gladiator. Field of Dreams. Porky’s 1 and 2… Okay, not the last ones.

KP: Are there currently any plans to bring the Bloom County and Outland books – here’s a vote for Academia Waltz, as well – back into print? Even Watterson hasn’t let his books go out of print… What were the factors that led you to let them lapse from view?

BREATHED: It’s the publishers decision. If they sell, they come to print. My readers are middle aged… and somewhat past the cartoon book stage… for the most part.

KP: Have there been any discussions of doing a massive omnibus edition, such as those for Far Side and Calvin & Hobbes?

BREATHED: Wouldn’t sell. Nada. Zip. My fans are middle aged now… and they don’t buy cartoon books. Bloom County books were meant for dorm rooms and reading while sobering up at 3 am.

KP: What is your relationship to your fans? I know you’ve had issues with privacy in the past, but is there a positive to the continuing fame of both yourself and your characters?

BREATHED: I love the fans, even more now. Their heartfelt expressions of love for the work is deeply moving. It took a few years out of the game to really appreciate it.

KP: You were once quoted as saying that you had a “boring life”. Do you still feel that?

BREATHED: Did I ever say that? Must’ve been drunk.

KP: Where is your Pulitzer right now?

BREATHED: It’s on a bookshelf behind a picture of me meeting Ronald Reagan, but in front of my Bill the Cat doll. You can draw the significance in this.

KP: Do you ever take photos of it and have a mysterious courier leave them on Pat Oliphant’s doorstep?

BREATHED: Pat’s a broken man. Is he alive? Nobody’s killed him yet?

KP: As an aside, I noticed in Mars Needs Moms! that in one panel you have a mother holding bags of groceries that contain two name brands – Trix and Lucky Charms – which seems an odd bit of product placement (one would think you would go with something generic, just for clearance issues). What led to the choice to use real brands?

BREATHED: My children’s choice. Come to think of it, Kelloggs or whoever it is owes me a check.

KP: I know you’re a big collector – what is your most prized vintage ray gun?

BREATHED: That would be like choosing the favorite of my children. But you just can’t improve on the Buck Rogers Classic Disintegrator with the sparking window and genuine pop sound. When toys were really toys. Did I mention that I’d left my extended adolescence? A lie, like everything else.

KP: Have you been able to “hang on to the silly” in your life?

BREATHED: I’m friends with John Cleese. This makes it easier.

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QSE News: 5/22/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:38 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgFormer Creed frontman Scott Stapp was arrested this weekend on assault charges related to domestic violence. Stapp is being held without bail in the Palm Beach County Jail in Florida. Stapp was unavailable for comment but his parents released a statement saying “Scott is a good, Christian man and being a good, Christian man, he just really, really wants his pot roast to be cooked correctly and not over cooked.”
  • Over the weekend, the first image of the Joker was revealed from the upcoming Batman Begins sequel, The Dark Knight.  The Joker, played by Heath Ledger, will feature horrendous scars on his face giving his trademark smile a more realistic appearance.  To gain inspiration for the gruesome new look, make up artists spent hours pouring over footage of Hilary Swank from her last film, The Reaping, and imagined what Ledger would have looked like had he tried to promote the movie Brokeback Mountain in the deep South.
  • Britney Spears was caught lipsynching this past weekend at a concert in Florida. During the performance at Orlando’s House of Blues the taped skipped revealing Spears secret. Few in the crowd noticed as most in attendance were hoping to see her vagina.

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 5/22/2007

Filed under: Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:01 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • How many Spider-Men can you fit into a Jamba Juice… (Thingamabob)
  • Compared to this, Christopher Nolan is just a hack… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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May 21, 2007

Comics in Context #178: The Whole World Is Watching

Filed under: Columns,Comics in Context — admin @ 2:57 am

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cic20070521-01.jpgA little over four hours before I began writing this week’s column on Thursday afternoon, May 18, I was on television. Yesterday afternoon I got a phone call from a member of the staff at MSNBC asking if I would we willing to be interviewed about the notorious new Comiquette statue of Mary Jane Watson, Spider-Man’s leading lady. So, early this afternoon I was picked up by a car service that MSNBC sent, and taken to a midtown Manhattan studio.

This is a different sort of experience than you might expect. MSNBC is actually located in Secaucus, New Jersey. A young woman ushered me into a tiny room where I sat on a chair in front of a background photo of New York City. An earpiece was affixed to my right ear, so I could hear both the live MSNBC news telecast and the producers, who were presumably out in Secaucus. A woman came in and quickly applied makeup, mostly under my eyes. (I was impressed, since I didn’t get any makeup when I was interviewed by CBS! See “Comics in Context” #73.) I was facing a small TV monitor, and was asked if I wanted in turned on, so I could see Alex, the anchorwoman who would be interviewing me (whom you can see here). But I decided against it, which was probably a good choice, since I was not supposed to look at the monitor, but into the camera. There was no cameraman in the room, but I knew that the red light meant that it was on.

This wasn’t the first time I had been gone to a studio to be interviewed by remote control. I once spent an hour in a soundproof room in Manhattan being interviewed over a headset by a man from the BBC who was across the ocean in Britain. At least time I got to see several real people, the helpful young women who got me seated, applied my makeup and brought me a soft drink!

Readers of this column may be amazed that I can speak about comics in sound bites when it is required of me. Actually, I’m rather surprised by this myself.

In case you haven’t seen this statuette of Mary Jane, take a look on this website, and you’ll better understand why it raised such controversy (such as here). It was produced by Sideshow Collectibles, whose products I generally admire, on license from Marvel, and designed by comics artist Adam Hughes, who is well known in comics circles for his skill at portraying beautiful women.

Since the panel in which she was introduced over forty (!) years ago, Mary Jane has long been depicted in the comics as a sexy knockout. BUt this maquette pushes the sexuality just far enough to fall over the line separating tastefulness from tawdriness. She’s bent over, wearing a low cut top revealing a veritable canyon of cleavage. Her jeans ride so low that her thong underwear is visible, and there’s a hole in the seat of her jeans, as well. Her smile can be interpreted as a come hither look. The overall effect is to create the appearance of sexual submissiveness. She’s shown washing Peter Parker’s Spider-Man costume, and I can see that Hughes and Sideshow might have considered this a clever gag. I can also see the argument that the maquette implies that Mary Jane’s proper place is washing her husband’s dirty laundry, whereas in both the comics and the movies MJ has always been independent, pursuing a career in modeling and acting.

My interviewer observed that Marvel claims that the MJ maquette is being sold only to adult collectors, and not to children. The price alone demonstrates that: Sideshow is charging $124.99 each, and the entire limited edition of nine hundred has already sold out, and it hasn’t even started shipping yet. I pointed out that the comics market has primarily consisted of adults for quite some time now.

At the end of my segment, the interviewer asserted that comics sales were in decline, and asked me if I thought that Marvel had “sexed up” Mary Jane in order to push the sales up. I detected an edge in her voice when she asked me this, which I interpreted as anger at Marvel for exploiting the character this way for profit. I responded that I didn’t think that the MJ maquette would have any effect on the comics sales, and that this statuette would primarily be sold to people who had already been reading Spider-Man comics for twenty years. (I could have said “horny aging fanboys,” but I restrained myself.) I sensed that my interviewer may have been disappointed in this answer.

Earlier, she had asked me whether I thought that Marvel had anticipated the adverse reaction the maquette has received. I replied that I thought that Marvel would have been surprised. I didn’t have the time or opportunity to go into this, but comics aficionados should realize that this Mary Jane statuette is not all that different from business as usual in the male-dominated world of superhero comics. Collectors have long prized what they euphemistically call “Good Girl Art” in the comics. Female outfits bordering on the lurid go back as far as Phantom Lady’s costume back in the Golden Age of the 1940s. Wikipedia correctly defines the “Good Girl Art” of the 1940s and 1950s as “a style of comic art depicting voluptuous female characters in provocative situations and pin-up poses that contributed to widespread criticism of the medium’s effect on children” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phantom_Lady). In the 1980s and 1990s, as Wikipedia chronicles, there was the trend in comics featuring “Bad Girl Art,” whose heroines, such as Lady Death and Witchblade, wore even less than their “Good Girl Art” predecessors. This Wikipedia entry pretentiously likens “the original “˜Image Comics’ house style” to Mannerism, a 16th century style of painting that featured elongated anatomy. I find little or no aesthetic appeal in the distorted human figures perpetrated by so many artists working in “The original “˜Image Comics’ house style.” In particular, the basketball-sized breasts with which so many male comics artists have been endowing women since the late 1980s have more to do with immature male fantasies than with serious portraiture.

In other words, the Mary Jane maquette is arguably rather tame in comparison with many lurid illustrations of women in comics history. So why did this statuette inspire such a furor?

I suggested in the MSNBC interview that one reason is that comics in the early 21st century attract a larger female readership than they had even ten years ago. I can tell just by looking at the audience at an event at the Museum of Comic or Cartoon Art (www.moccany.org), or at its roster of volunteers, or scanning the crowd at the New York and San Diego Comic-Cons. It’s the growth of alternative comics and graphic novels and the manga explosion that has brought many of them in. Of course many of them will perceive and object to the sexist implications of that MJ maquette.

Moreover, this is the age of the Internet, and, as I’ve said before, you never know who or how many people may read what you post there. I was a little surprised that some of the people at MSNBC I spoke with had read some of the same comments about the MJ statue on the Net that I had.

And here we come to another factor behind the furor: the mainstream media is paying attention. Ten years ago MSNBC probably wouldn’t have done a story like this, and most of the American public probably wouldn’t have recognized the name “Mary Jane Watson” (and this, despite her presence in the Spider-Man newspaper strip). But the mainstream media’s interest in comics has rapidly grown, even in the short time since I began writing this column in 2004, so much so that it is no longer much of a surprise to see, say, the profile of cartoonist Tony Millionaire in the Arts and Leisure section of last Sunday’s New York Times (May 13, 2007).

And then there are the enormously popular Spider-Man movies. Whatever you may think of the 1960s Batman TV show, one thing that it accomplished was to familiarize the American public with so many of the primary elements of the Batman mythos: Alfred, Commissioner Gordon, the Batcave, the Batmobile, the Joker, the Penguin, the Riddler, the Catwoman. Before his movies, the American public beyond comic book fans had heard of Spider-Man, but now they know about Aunt May, the Green Goblin, J. Jonah Jameson, and yes, about Mary Jane Watson. By now, after three movies, she had become an iconic figure to the worldwide moviegoing public. Consider how importance the romance between Peter Parker and Mary Jane is in the three movies, and how prominently she is featured in much of the movie advertising (and, for example, the cover of the Spider-Man 2 DVD).

In interviewing me, the MSNBC anchorwoman referred to Mary Jane as the “girl next door” that Marvel had “sexed up” in the maquette. The interviewer noted that Mary Jane had been portrayed as a character with strong sex appeal since her debut in the comics, and asked if I thought the statue updated that quality for our time. I replied that I thought the statue went beyond that, crossing the line of taste (for the reasons I’ve noted above).

But her phrase “girl next door” is significant. John Romita, Sr., who first drew Mary Jane’s face (in Amazing Spider-Man #42, November, 1966–Steve Ditko had earlier given readers a look at her figure) has stated on many occasions that he was inspired by the young Ann-Margret in drawing her. Watch the movies Bye Bye Birdie (1963) and Viva Las Vegas (1964) and you’ll see what he must have been aiming for: a young woman who can be vividly, openly sexy without coming off as tacky or promiscuous. Stan Lee gave her an enchanting, captivating party girl persona, and it was later writers who drew out the more serious side of her personality. Just last week former Spider-Man editor Jim Salicrup and I were discussing Gerry Conway’s underrated graphic novel Spider-Man: Parallel Lives (1989), in which he persuasively demonstrated that MJ’s sexily extroverted public persona was a facade for her serious side, her means of escaping the emotional pain of her family life, just as Peter Parker escaped his own unhappiness through the assumed identity of the wisecracking Spider-Man.

Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man movies not only dispense with Spider-Man’s ability as a comedian, but also with Mary Jane as life of the party, thus eliminating important parts of their characterizations from the comics. I will return to this subject when I review Spider-Man 3 in the near future. I feel that I’m only seeing half of Mary Jane–that serious side, capable of sorrow–when I see her in the movies. Referring to Kirsten Dunst’s performance as Mary Jane in his review of Spider-Man 3 (May 4, 2007), New York Times critic Manohla Dargis wrote, “this wispy, sad-eyed beauty turns into Melancholy Girl, able to melt hearts in a single glance.”

In thus simplifying Mary Jane’s personality for the movies, Raimi has turned her into a more conventional leading lady, but one which he and Dunst make affectingly real. She is the “girl next door,” both literally and figuratively. I see that Wikipedia also has an entry on this phrase, stating that “The prototype of the girl next door is often invoked in American contexts to indicate wholesome, unassuming, or “average” femininity. . . .To fall in love with the “girl next door” is an archetype of romantic fiction and a key plot element. . . .She is the sweet girl he [the male protagonist] sees every day, a really great friend, or the perfect girl to bring home to his parents. She is often a virgin.” The entry even lists Kirsten Dunst’s Mary Jane as its first example of this archetype. (In Stan Lee’s 1960s Spider-Man stories, it was Gwen Stacy who conformed to the “girl next door” image, not Mary Jane.)

At this point much more of the public at large, not just in America but around the world, knows Raimi and Dunst’s version of Mary Jane, rather than Lee and Romita’s from the 1960s. Doubtlessly many moviegoers, male and female, project their idealized image of what a heroine should be onto the films’ Mary Jane. So it’s no wonder that the folks at MSNBC felt a sharp disconnect between their image of MJ from the movies and the fanboy fantasy version presented by the Sideshow statuette. As the Wikipedia entry puts it, the “girl next door” is “contrasted with other stereotypes such as tomboy, valley girl, and slut.”

Marvel contends that the MJ maquette is intended only for adult collectors, and children won’t even see it. Ah, but this is the age of the Internet, and not only will children find a picture of the statue, but so did MSNBC and other members of the news media. With Spider-Man 3 so much in the news lately, the mainstream media would be more on the lookout for news like this than they might be normally.

And that makes me wonder what might have happened if the notorious Spider-Man: The Other comics saga, in which Spidey’s eye is gouged out (and subsequently grows back), had seen print closer to the release of one of the Spider-Man movies (see “Comics in Context” #118). What would the mainstream media have thought of this, had it come to their attention? Or what about the more recent Spider-Man: Reign miniseries, which my colleague Fred Hembeck found particularly appalling? In this tale of an alternate future, Mary Jane has died of cancer, her body grotesquely ravaged, induced by Peter Parker’s radioactive semen!

I believe that both storylines grossly violate the spirit of the Lee/Ditko/Romita Spider-Man concept, but within the subculture of the comic book audience, these storylines were commercial successes. But just how could Marvel have explained them to the mainstream news media, which think of Spider-Man in terms of Stan’s own stories and the Raimi movies? I suspect that such a media spotlight would expose the way that the Grim and Gritty movement has so severely distorted the superhero genre over the last two decades.

Now we should be wondering what is the next time bomb that will go off in comics about superheroes that the mainstream media know about?

How about this: writer Frank Miller and artist Jim Lee’s All Star Batman and Robin #5, which just hit the comic book shops? It seems like such a long time since I last wrote about this series, way back in “Comics in Context” #119 (which I had titled “Bats and Spats,” since it also covered Carl Barks’s Uncle Scrooge, but IGN changed it), and indeed, it’s been over a year (!) since the last issue.

But the issue 5 starts off with a bang, as a severely pissed off Wonder Woman marches down a Metropolis street, mentally fulminating that “It stinks of men,” and she means literally, and ordering a harmless-looking male passerby, “Out of my way, sperm bank.” So, you know that meretricious stereotype about man-hating feminists? This first page seems to agree with it.

It gets worse. Several pages later, Wonder Woman is castigating the Man of Steel: “You call yourself a Superman? Kow-towing to these ants? Dropping to your knees before these earthbound, ephemeral humans?”

Now Miller has Superman remind us that this is a Wonder Woman who has newly arrived in “man’s world” from the Amazons’ island: “Settle down, Diana. You’re new to this world.” The All Star Batman series is set in the past, back when Batman first recruited Dick Grayson to be the original Robin.

But many of you will recall Miller’s The Dark Knight Strikes Again (see “Comics in Context” #30, 31, 34), set in the future, in which Superman declares, “Ma. Pa. You were wrong. . . . I am not one of them. I am not human.” He continues, “And I am no man’s servant. I am no man’s slave. I will not be ruled by the laws of men.” We last see Superman in Dark Knight Strikes Again hovering above the Earth with Lara, his daughter by Wonder Woman, as he ominously asks, “What exactly shall we do with our planet, Lara?” In Miller’s continuity, the Superman of All Star Batman will end up agreeing with Wonder Woman: he will become Miller’s superpowered version of Friedrich Nietzche’s ubermensch, unrestrained by conventional human morality.

Continuing her harangue in All Star Batman and Robin #5, Wonder Woman tells Superman that the “rules” he follows instruct him to “mince about.” Oh, look, she’s invoking an insulting gay stereotype, just like Leonidas in Miller’s 300 dismissing the Athenians as “boy-lovers” (see “Comics in Context” #175).

Wonder Woman also tells Superman he will “prostrate yourself before whatever vermin their stupid elections prop up as the “˜authorities.'” So Wonder Woman is contemptuous of democracy and, by extension, of the law. But disdain for the law doesn’t seem to be a sin in All Star Batman. A page before, Green Lantern was arguing that the Batman isn’t all that bad: “He’s got no respect for the law. And, yeah, maybe he’s a little unhinged. But that’s no reason to run off half-cocked” after him. What harm could there be in a somewhat insane vigilante defying the law?

Wonder Woman has a different approach to the matter of Batman: “We kill him, we chop off his head and plant it on a stake and present it to your “˜authorities’ as their first gift from the Justice League.” You see, as far as Wonder Woman is concerned, the Justice League shouldn’t serve humanity, but as their superiors, may deign to present them with gifts. (Hey, it’s Wonder Woman as Salome!)

I concede that there has always been a seeming contradiction in the Wonder Woman concept: she is the princess of a warrior race, and she engages in physical combat against evildoers, and yet she has traditionally been depicted as the enemy of warmongers and an advocate of peace. Yet this latter side of Wonder Woman is essential to the character. Rather than despising men, Wonder Woman traditionally journeyed to “man’s world” because she loved the series’ original leading man, Steve Trevor. The bloodthirsty Wonder Woman whom Jim Lee draws in this issue of All Star Batman and Robin may look like Wonder Woman, but I doubt that her creator William Moulton Marston would recognize her from the script.

Do you recall that notorious sequence in Civil War: Frontline #11 in which a reporter named Sally Floyd tells off Captain America for defending the cause of individual freedom in Marvel’s Civil War, and he just sits there and takes it, rather than acting in character and mounting a stirring defense of freedom (see “Comics in Context” #168)? That suggests that the writer was on Sally’s side. Similarly here in All Star Batman, though Superman roars his outrage at Wonder Woman, Miller does not allow him to make a reasoned defense of his position. Indeed, Superman’s declaration that “This is my world. These are my people. These are my rules.” may suggest that he is already subconsciously embracing the ubermensch outlook of superiority to humanity. Superman also thunders that if “you commit murder on my land,” perhaps implying that Earth is his personal possession, “you’ll pay for it with your own precious Amazon blood.” Remember Superman’s traditional oath against killing? He certainly doesn’t remember it here.

Turn to the next page, and you’ll see that all this rage and bloodthirstiness on Superman and Wonder Woman’s parts covers over their intense sexual passion for each other, which suddenly bursts forth. (Lois who?) When George Lucas had Han Solo and Princess Leia continually quarreling, oblivious to their love for each other, I suspect he intended the viewers to think they were behaving immaturely. On the other hand, in this scene between Superman and Wonder Woman, we can see the shadows of two other characters Miller portrayed as both antagonists and lovers, Daredevil and Elektra.

As for Wonder Woman’s intention of beheading Batman, who is it that still beheads their alleged enemies in real life here in the early 21st century? Isn’t it some of the so-called “Islamo-fascists”? Wonder Woman advocates decapitation, rants against democracy, and insists that Superman act like as an ubermensch, above human law. MIller’s Wonder Woman is heading down a dangerous path, and, in Dark Knight Strikes Again, takes Superman with her. Dr. Marston created Wonder Woman to be the adversary of Nazism, not as a sympathizer.

Then Batman himself, or “the goddamn Batman,” as he calls himself yet again, shows up in this fifth issue, laughing to frighten criminals, as if he were Steve Ditko’s Creeper. There’s a reason why, even back in the 1940s when Dick Sprang regularly drew a happily grinning Batman, that he didn’t launch into maniacal jags of laughter. That’s what his enemy and opposite, the Joker does.

And the Joker has the sadistic sort of personality that gets off on inflicting harm on people. Well, the All Star version of Batman not only has the Joker’s laugh, but he has a streak of sadism, too. Miller’s original The Dark Knight Returns had already suggested that Batman takes pleasure in hurting criminals, but in All Star Miller makes this much more explicit and ups the ante considerably.

Batman comes across two man who are apparently about to rape, mutilate, and possibly kill a woman. Batman injures one assailant’s arm so badly he can no longer feel his hand. Then Batman grimly informs him, “It’s called a compound fracture, rapist. It’ll never heal. Not right it won’t. You’ll remember me every time the air goes wet and cold. Arthritis, punk. It’ll hurt like hell.” Batman seems to take satisfaction in this.

Next Batman turns his attention back to the other assailant, striking him seven times, each with a “Krunch” sound that suggests shattering bones. The woman watches, and then breaks into a smile, as if she is sexually turned on by the sight of such brutality. It wasn’t many pages before that the thought of violence impelled Superman and Wonder Woman into each other’s arms. There’s a pattern here. The first assailant, whose injured arm is bent backwards (!), asks the woman he had tried to victimize for help. She does something we can’t quite see to him with her foot, probably kicking him in the balls. (It’s the return of the genital injury motif from Sin City!) “Good girl,” Batman tells this adult woman, simultaneously commending her initiation into sadism and engaging in sexist condescension.

Batman also instructs her not to call an ambulance for these guys. “These creeps will survive,” he tells her, “but I want them to suffer pain that’ll last a lifetime.” You see, even if these guys reform, they’ll still be in pain for the rest of their lives. “I love you,” responds the woman, enthralled.

By coincidence, on the same day that I picked up All Star Batman and Robin #5 at my favorite Manhattan comics shop, Cosmic Comics at 10 East 23rd Street, I also purchased Astro City: The Dark Age, Book Two #3, by writer Kurt Busiek and artist Brent Anderson. Busiek is one of the principal writers of what he calls the “reconstructionist” school in superhero comics, and which I have dubbed the “Neo-Silver” movement. The Dark Age is Busiek’s critique of the comics of the 1970s and the origins of the “Grim and Gritty” aesthetic that ate away at the idealism of the comics of the Silver Age of the 1960s.

It makes Kurt uncomfortable when I point out similarities between his Astro City characters and other established superheroes, but they are inevitable, since he is devising his own variations on the character archetypes of the superhero genre.

In this latest issue Busiek includes a team of costumed urban vigilantes, Street Angel and the female Black Velvet, who remind me in part (but only in part, Kurt), of Daredevil and Elektra. Black Velvet turns out to be a killer, and Street Angel intends to turn her into the police. She then asks him how the two of them are different.

“I don’t kill,” he replies.

“Oh?” she asks. “How many have you left lying in alleyways these past two years, skull fractured, lung punctured? How many internal injuries? Did they all get medical attention? Did they all live? Did they?“

Street Angel is horrified by this, having never considered it before. His first reaction is to think that somehow she corrupted him, but Street Angel pointedly asks, “Did you ever think maybe–you just liked it?” And I thought of that scene with Batman and the would-be rapists.

Batman’s brutality fits into an aspect of the zeitgeist of early 21st century America: the concept that any cruelty directed against the Bad Guys is justified. In popular culture that leads to the frequent use of torture by the supposed Good Guys in the television series 24: usually they don’t have any moral qualms or hesitation about it. In real life, of course, this mindset led to the Abu Ghraib scandals.

Am I wrong in sensing that the majority of American public opinion is against the use of torture? As entertaining as I have found 24 in the past (This season it’s clearly running out of steam!) , I wonder if the national sensibility is shifting, whether the time will come that the series is regarded as something of a dated embarrassment, specifically because it condones torture.

Towards the end of the issue there is a vignette in which MIller and Lee show a bare-chested, surprisingly muscular Alfred the butler working out. (Is no one in contemporary superhero comics allowed to have an average build?) Alfred describes how, after she and her husband were fatally shot by the mugger, the last thing that Martha Wayne saw before she died was the look in her young son Bruce’s eyes: she metaphorically “saw him become a demon.”

Unless Miller means for us to think that Alfred witnessed this double murder (and if he did, why wasn’t he shot, too?), then Alfred must be imagining what happened. It seems as if Mrs. Wayne’s murder was horrifying enough without her witnessing her formerly innocent son’s dreadful psychological transformation, as well.

On balance, though, I approve of this reminiscence, and I wonder if Miller intended it as a response to the movie Batman Begins (see “Comics in Context” #89). In that film Bruce Wayne grows up lacking any vocation beyond shooting his parents’ killer, Joe Chill; it is Bruce’s friend Rachel, and later Henri Ducard, who direct his energies into becoming a crimefighter. However, I think that the idea that Bruce Wayne, from childhood on, was determined to avenge his parents’ death by warring on all criminals, is an important component of the Batman myth. Here Miller captures that transformation of innocent child to dedicated avenger in words, just as Alex Ross did it in a single picture in JLA: Secret Origins (see “Comics in Context” #29).

Miller has Alfred worry that Bruce Wayne suffers from “hubris” and may have gone “mad.” Readers may wonder if Miller intends us to regard Batman as going overboard, and if Miller intends that Batman will moderate his behavior over the course of the All Star series. Maybe. But is the All Star Batman really that different from the Batman of Miller’s Dark Knight books? The All Star version seems more explicit about his attitude towards violence against criminals. On the other hand, the Dark Knight Batman seems more caring towards his own new Robin, Carrie Kelly. We shall see.

In this All Star issue Alfred regards young Dick Grayson as an “innocent young boy” and thinks, “I pray this child will survive this,” namely his tutelage by Batman. But the issue concludes with Grayson picking up a broadaxe and saying, “Cool.” Just how innocent is he? And we know from The Dark Knight Strikes Again that he will end up as a serial killer.

All Star Batman and Robin is not part of DC’s canonical mainstream continuity. Miller has stated that he considers it to be part of an alternative continuity that leads to his two Dark Knight series. (It seems that Miller’s Batman: Year One belongs to both continuities.) Still, All Star Batman and Robin is putting forth rather disturbing portrayals of Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman. The mainstream media probably will not take any notice.

But now I’m worried about what will happen when Miller finishes his Holy Terror, Batman series, pitting his version of Batman against Al Qaeda. This is the kind of story hook that will guarantee attention from the mainstream media. What will the mainstream media–and the general public–think? There have already been reviews of the 300 movie that accuse it of homophobia and even fascist tendencies (here, for example).

I’m not saying I fear there’ll be censorship or bookburnings of comics, as in the 1950s: I think the mainstream media have by now gotten the message that comic books now have an adult audience.

The lesson of the brouhaha or the Mary Jane figurine is that comics is no longer a niche artform, the interest of a small subculture, off the radar screen of mainstream culture. The press, the literary world, academia, and the general public are all paying much more attention to comics now. Through the reports on the Mary Jane maquette, the news media exposed a sexism which much of the comics industry and readership tolerated, if they were even aware of it. The bloggers’ panel at the New York Comic-Con (see “Comics in Context” #167) pointed out that comics industry representatives now have to be more careful in their public statements, because the mainstream press may pick them up. (This is one reason why I am so appalled by the nonsensical statements made by certain comics industry executives.)

The bright spotlight of the mainstream media will bring flaws to light that may have remained concealed in the darkness of comics’ niche subculture. It’s like your mom telling you to wear clean underwear when you go out: you never know what will happen, and what may be revealed.

ADVERTISEMENTS FOR OTHER PEOPLE
I recently mentioned the passing of comics artist Tom Artis. You can read his longtime collaborator Peter B. Gillis’s reflections on his funeral here. Artis’s family is now in severe financial straits, as reported here. You can read about Colleen Doran’s commendable effort to help, as well as finding out how you too can assist the family, here.

Copyright 2007 Peter Sanderson

QSE News: 5/21/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:22 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgTwo plumbing companies are fighting over the right to use the phone number 867-5309. The number, made famous by the Tommy Tone song in the 80’s, is currently used by both companies, one locally and one as a toll-free, 800 number. In a bid to secure the rights to the number, each company has said it will change the name of every employee to “Jenny.”
  • Before Donald Trump’s show could be canceled, Trump has quit. The Apprentice did not appear on the upcoming NBC Fall schedule and before official word could be handed down from NBC, Trump told the network that he would be moving on. It’s reported that Trump is planning on a steamy, adult, reality love story show featuring himself and money.
  • Aussie rock band INXS is set to hit the studio this summer to record their next album, the second album released with J.D. Fortune on lead vocals. Fortune has been with the band for two years, ever since he won the televised singing contest Rock Star: INXS. After the release of the CD, record label executives have asked for Fortune to hang himself in a hotel room while masturbating, just like original INXS singer, Michael Hutchence, to drive sales.
  • And finally, the reign of Spider-Man is over as the new Shrek movie was number one at the box office. Shrek the Third pulled in $122 million. Movie goers were delighted to see the same jokes from the first two films in a completely new order.

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 5/21/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:01 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • How are cartoons made? You Asked For It(Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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