FRED Entertainment

February 28, 2007

QSE News: 2/28/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:29 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

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  • Despite the fact that she’s been hanging with Tom Cruise, Victoria Beckham will not be joining the church of Scientology. The former Posh spice reportedly said “There’s no way I’d spend any money on that nonsense” when asked about the church. We here at QSE news would like to congratulate Mrs. Beckham on her firm stance, but would also like to warn her that when the evil Xenu returns to Earth, Mrs. Beckham is totally screwed.
  • In a shocking revelation, Britney Spears’s first husband, (you remember… the guy she was married to for 55 hours?  Yeah, him.) says that Britney has a drug problem.  This comes as a shock to many as the pop star has yet to display any of the crazy or erratic behavior associated with a severe drug problem. However, if she ever does, you’ll hear it here first.
  • This just in… Britney Spears DOES have a substance abuse problem!  How about that.  And it appears that our Brit was not content in merely checking into one, chintzy room at Malibu’s Promises Rehab center.  On the contrary, Britney has rented out an entire wing of the facility because, according to one nurse, she “wanted a room for each and every voice in her head.”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/28/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:29 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Ever seen the Marx Bros. in color? Or Harpo out of costume? Take a look at this rare piece of color film shot during the production of Animal Crackers(Thingamabob)
  • Something tells me that this is light years better than what JJ Abrams will do with Star Trek(Thingamabob)
  • How could we have missed the latest episode of Jordan, Jesse GO!(Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 27, 2007

Toybox: 3D Posters – Nightmare on Elm Street

Filed under: Columns,Toy Box — admin @ 1:11 am
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When Mcfarlane Toys announced their 3D posters, I was not impressed. They’d already started doing 3D album covers, and these were small, overpriced, and underwhelming. On top of that, other companies had already forayed into the world of 3D posters, and the results had been fairly weak.

But with the release of their Jaws and Friday the 13th posters, my opinion changed. First, they were much larger than I expected, running around 8.5″ wide and 12 – 13″ tall. Second, they managed to capture the best elements of the original posters in unique ways, making them more visually appealing than the originals in some ways. And third, at twenty bucks and the larger size, they weren’t a bad deal.

Since those two, they’ve released several others, including the uber-cool Alien poster (it even lights up!) and the nice Rocky Horror ‘lips’ poster. I’ve been sticking with the horror related ones, and recently bought the Nightmare On Elm Street.

Nightmare on Elm Street 3D poster

While the original poster doesn’t have quite the visual impact of, say, Alien or RHPS, it is still a solid piece of poster art. In exectuting this one, Mcfarlane diverged a bit from the previous style. Does it still work? Let’s see…

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Packaging – **
The packaging on past posters hasn’t been terrible, but has always been fairly basic. That’s alright though, especially if you give the box a huge window and let the poster itself do most of the selling. Once again, that’s the case.

Unfortunately, this box fails in a critical test. The window is right against the blades of the fingers, especially the ‘twinkle’ that’s been sculpted and attached in plastic on the end of the index finger. This is almost center in the window as well, where the box provides the least amount of support. Any hits against the front of the window, even light ones or extended pressure, can damage the ‘twinkle’ or the blades. Pay attention to this when picking yours out to ensure there’s no damage.

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Sculpting – ***
Like previous 3D posters released by McToys, this one has excellent sculpte details. The finely textured hair, the sinewy fingers of the hand, the rotted flesh of Freddy’s nightmare face…all are done with a deft hand for small detail work. They’ve also managed to pull of the ‘3D’ work extremely well, sculpting in relief about 80% of the actual poster art. The only parts not sculpted are the top section above Freddy’s eyes, and the lowest section showing the small credits.

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The best thing about this poster is the way they handled the nifty star of light that glints off Freddy’s index finger. They did this in a translucent white plastic, and the look really works much better than I had anticipated.

The poster itself had one major failing – the dopey expression on Nancy’s face. I always assumed she was sleeping with her eyes open – very open – and that’s why it seemed so much like a mannequin, even in the original poster. That’s also true here, and even more obvious in three dimensions. The bizarrely wide eyes with lax expression make the expression very unnatural. Like I said, I’m assuming that’s because she’s really a asleep, and you can’t really fault this representation of the poster for it, because the poster itself was identical.

Another flaw that existed in the original but is much more noticeable here is the thumb. Again, it’s just a little stub, which is true in the original work. But when you pull it out from the page like this, it becomes all that much more obvious and odd looking.

But if those two areas were my only complaints, this sculpt would have easily gotten another half star. The reason it didn’t isn’t because of the quality of the sculpt, but rather the changes to the basic design. The previous posters were encased in ‘boxes’, with four sides, which gave them a) more depth and b) more of a poster feel. This one lacks the outside box, which also makes the poster itself much thinner than the previous ones. This means that to stand it on a desk or table, they had to include the little feet. While this new look isn’t terrible, I prefer the original shadowbox design.

Paint – ***
The paint work is fairly good across the entire poster, with some really excellent work on both sets of eyes. Mcfarlane exhibits they’re usual capabilities with the consistent skin tones and garish exposed flesh, and when they’re necessary, they have very clean cuts between colors.

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There is one glaringly odd looking spot, right above Freddy’s left eye, where it looks like the white of the eye is actually on the flat section of poster, although the entire eye is in 3D below. This odd spot should have been filled in with color, and it’s surprisingly noticeable in person.

My only other complaint is that some of the highlights in the hair are too light, clearly where too much paint was rubbed off. They were going for three levels of color – natural dark, slightly lighter streaks, and very light streaks. It was an admirable attempt, but the lightest streaks ended up looking like mistakes or damage rather than streaks.

There’s one other item worth mentioning, but I didn’t factor it into my score, because the jury is still out on whether I like it or not. There is one section of text on the poster that actually follows the flow of the sculpted poster, rather than laying flat. That would be the name of the director, Wes Craven. This text actually flows with the rippling bed sheets, and I’m not sure if I prefer that, or one of the other options. They could have sculpted a section inset into the covers to paint it on flat, or they could have raised the letters above the covers (like they did the movie name) so that while they were raised, they were still flat from left to right. Like I said, I’m not sure which I prefer, but I thought I’d point it out to you so you’ll never be able to look at the poster again and not see it.

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Accessories – *
Okay, so there aren’t really any accessories as we generally think of them, and there really shouldn’t be any. That means this category won’t mean much come Overall score time. But I did want to mention the small feet that come with the poster. These attach to the bottom so it can stand on a table or desk. It’s best to insert the front of these into the bottom of the poster first, then snap them into place toward the back. They work alright, although they’re a bit tough to get off once they’re on.

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Value – ***
At around $20, these are actually a pretty good price. These will look good even in high end home theaters, and yet are cheap enough for a dorm room budget. In the distant future, when we all have flying cars and I’ve finally remodeled my basement, I plan on hanging them on the wall myself.

Things to Watch Out For –
Not much. Be sure to inspect the hand in case of any damage on the peg, but other than that you should be riding high.

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Overall – ***
I’m not as enthralled with this poster as I am with the previous three I’ve picked up – Jaws, Alien and Friday the 13th. This is largely due to the change in style, which doesn’t do much for me. Interestingly enough, from early production photos it looks like upcoming releases (like Rocky and Robocop) go back to the shadowbox design.

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This is a line that I’ll be picking up hit and miss, selecting those posters that translate the best or fit a general theme. I suspect that will be true for most buyers, and if you’re a huge fan of these films, I suggest taking a close look at them. Several of these also fit in well as backdrops to various sixth scale figures, and adding this poster to your Sideshow Freddy and Furnace diorama will really spice it up.

Where to buy –
Your local comic shop may have these in, but online is your most consistent opportunity:

Dark Figures has the Alien, Friday the 13th and Jaws posters available for $25 each. They haven’t listed the NOES one yet.

Entertainment Earth has them listed in stock at $25 each, with preorders up for the next three in the series.

– for the U.K. readers, Forbidden Planet is sell them for about 20 pounds each.

Clark Toys is always a good source for all things Mcfarlane, but don’t have this particular poster in. However, they have pre-order pricing up for a number of upcoming posters at just $18 each!

Amazing Toyz and CornerStoreComics have this guy in stock for just $20, with some of the earlier posters on sale even cheaper!

Related Links:
There’s my reviews of the Jaws and Friday the 13th posters from last year.

QSE News: 2/27/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:09 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

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  • The movie classic Gone With the Wind is set to become the next movie to receive the Broadway musical treatment.  It is rumored that producers are courting Hugh Jackman to play the role of Rhett Butler.  In order to please Jackman’s comic book reading fan base, producers are also inserting a scene where Rhett eviscerates Scarlett O’Hara with his Adamantium claws.
  • The Beastie Boys are hitting the festival circuit this year with the first stop at the Sasquatch Festival in Washington. The group will perform hits from its entire catalog and promise to stay true to its roots by shouting the last word of every line.
  • A friend has come forward in defense of disgraced American Idol contestant, Barba Antonella, saying that the lewd pictures that recently appeared on the internet are not of the “singer.”  American Idol judges were quick to respond to the news with Randy Jackson saying that it “was too damn bad, because whoever that is, has one smokin’ [EXPLETIVE DELETED],” Paula Abdul stated that “purple fluffiness sounds like glue” and Simon Cowell stated that the news was irrelevant because “he prefers the subjects of his naughty pictures to be men.”
  • It appears that director James Cameron just reserved a special place for himself in hell”¦ at least, as far as many Christians are concerned. Cameron’s upcoming movie, a documentary he filmed for the Discovery Channel, apparently refutes the notion that Christ’s body spent three days at the site of the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem’s Old City.  “On the contrary,” claims Cameron, “few people know this, but Christ’s body was actually found in a sunken luxury liner, 5,000 ft beneath the ocean.”
  • Singer Bobby Brown is back in jail and will remain there until he pays over $19,000 in child support fees. Brown was arrested while watching his daughter’s cheerleading competition. The “Welcome Home Bobby” party at Norfolk County jail will be held this Thursday during lunch time.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/27/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:03 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Bill Bailey on foreign police sirens… (Thingamabob)
  • Rich Hall improvises an ode to the British Rover on Top Gear(Thingamabob)
  • Preston’s wonderfully catty walkout on Nevermind the Buzzcocks(Thingamabob)
  • A little slice of the 2006 edition of The Big Fat Quiz of The Year(Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 26, 2007

QSE News: 2/26/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:28 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

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  • A former American Idol participant, Jennifer Hudson, won the best supporting actress Oscar for her role in Dreamgirls. With the win, American Idol has overtaken another media, film, and will soon begin an assault on coffee production.
  • In other awards news, Sharon Stone won the Razzie for Worst Actress of the year, for her role in Basic Instinct 2.  Stone’s vagina, which also appeared in the film, did not win an award.
  • Universal Pictures has announced that a third Fockers film will be made. This news makes official the widely held belief that Robert De Niro has completely given up on acting as an art form and is now just in it for the cash and the chicks.
  • Finally, and in continued Oscar news, Al Gore’s documentary film, An Inconvenient Truth, won the Oscar for Best Documentary. Despite Gore being announced the winner, George W. Bush accepted the award and promptly declared war on Bollywood.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/26/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:06 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • An early Chuck Jones directorial effort, Daffy Duck and the Dinosaur(Thingamabob)
  • And finally, the opening to The Fall Guy(Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 24, 2007

Game On! 2-24-2007: Where’s The Podcast?

Filed under: Game On! — admin @ 8:37 pm

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Ok, so due to some editing problems, the video podcast will be up NEXT weekend. This weekend, we’re bringing you just your typical normal written review. Plus, it’ll be a good weekend to begin the podcast with, right? New month, new format. Yeah, planned it JUST like that”¦

However, since most of the cool reviews are in the podcast”¦this week all I had left was one game”¦

RIDERS ON THE STORM

ghostrider1.jpgSo, as is typical with a movie’s release into theaters, there’s always the video game tie-in, made in the hopes that fans of the license will snatch it up in order to recreate or extend their movie going experience. This time out, it’s GHOST RIDER, out for PS2 and PSP, based on the film that’s based on a comic book. And just like the film, it’s only mildly entertaining with occasional parts of really bad.

Once again the developers see to it that they extend the experience of the game past what the film offers, and thanks to comic scribes Garth Ennis and Jimmy Palmiotti we get a tale set somewhat after the events of the film. Johnny Blaze, who becomes Ghost Rider whenever the blood of innocence is spilled, is tasked by Mephisto to stop Blackheart once again from trying to kick-start the apocalypse. What this means in terms of gameplay is that you’ll be bashing a lot of minor demons and other weird looking thugs in a manor reminiscent of GOD OF WAR. Only, you know”¦not as good.

GR uses his chains much like Kratos uses his”¦the whip and pummel baddies in a frenzy of flourish and combos. Sadly, GR doesn’t have quite as many combos at his disposal, and his attacks can become repetitious quickly. What’s more, as you attack, you build up a combo meter, much like the one found in DEVIL MAY CRY 3, used in order to unlock larger attacks and special moves like shotgun blasts and large scale blasts of power.

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While this sounds fine and dandy, the meter usually serves no real purpose unless you come up against a demon that has on a “shield” ““ one that can only be broken by reaching the right level in your combo meter. This is an especially lame way of extending gameplay, and usually as you’re building the meter to break the shield, you can be attacked from behind by another baddy and are forced to start all over again.

Then there’re the driving levels. Like a game of ROAD RASH but with little steering control, you whip down courses and attack whoever opposes you. Here, however, the baddies are much weaker than before, as you blast them out of your way on the course with your hellshot, or whip the mobile ones to the left and right of you with your chains. There are a few cool moments when you have to jump over or slide under things”¦but really, how cool can that continue to be after the first time you do it?

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Like the movie, the game has its moments, but overall, isn’t that great. It tries (unsuccessfully) to ape the styles of more popular games, but doesn’t quite reach the grace or fun of those titles. If you’re a fan of the character, there’s some joy to find in the unlockable extras, but the game itself will leave you wanting more, as many of the character’s better foes are ill represented here. For everyone else, it’s a day’s rental.

One Gamer’s Opinion:
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Next week is the premiere of the video podcast for “Game On!”, featuring reviews of Wii titles, a few DS games, and an interview with Bethesda Softworks about their upcoming PS3 version of OBLIVION and its PC and Xbox 360 expansion, SHIVERING ISLES. Tune in next time!

THE GAME ON! RATING SYSTEM

 

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Ratings From Greatest to Least:

Kick Ass, Right On, Okay, Eh, and Stinker (aka CRAPTACULAR)

Comics in Context #166: Megahero Vs. Megavillain

Filed under: Columns,Comics in Context — admin @ 8:30 pm
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cic2007-02-23-01.jpgWhen I left off last week I was going through Dr. Peter Coogan’s definition of the supervillain in his book Superhero: The Secret Origin of a Genre (MonkeyBrain Press, 2006), which should be a basic text for superhero genre studies, and discussing a major “supervillain” in contemporary pop culture whom he had left out: Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Even leaving aside the thousands of supervillains created for comic books, it’s inevitable that Coogan’s book couldn’t mention all the interesting candidates for supervillainy in high and pop culture.

For example, how about the Queen of the Night in Mozart’s 1791 opera The Magic Flute? Aren’t her showpiece arias, full of coloratura fireworks, the musical equivalent of what Coogan (and The Incredibles) calls the supervillain’s proclivity for monologuing? Iago’s “Credo” in Verdi’s Otello (1887), an operatic adaptation of Shakespeare’s play, is an even clearer example.

In his early German films director Fritz Lang pioneered the use of the “supervillain” in cinema through such characters as Dr. Mabuse (beginning with Dr. Mabuse der Spieler in 1922), the mad scientist Rotwang in Metropolis (1927), whose title was the source of the name of Superman’s home city, and the Bondian mastermind Haghi in Spione (Spies, 1928). All three characters were played by Rudolf Klein-Rogge, the movies’ first specialist in “supervillainy.”

There are even candidates for supervillain status in the world of animated comedy. Consider the Hooded Claw, the dual-identitied masked archvillain of Hanna-Barbera’s The Perils of Penelope Pitstop (1969-1971), who loves monologuing (in the unmistakable voice of Paul Lynde) about his latest insanely elaborate death trap for the title heroine. Another characteristic that Coogan attributes to supervillains is mania, and who better exemplifies it than a certain Warners Animation mouse who fanatically persists in his grandiose ambitions in spite of continual failures:

PINKY: What are we going to do tonight, Brain?

THE BRAIN: The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

Dr. Coogan found three criteria for identifying a superhero: mission, power, and identity, and these are also three of his seven criteria for supervillains.

“Power is central to [the] definition of supervillain,” Coogan writes; “if a malign individual has only the strength, wit, and other resources available to normal human beings, they [sic] are mere villains. If the resources and abilities of the police are sufficient to counter a villain’s schemes, he is just a bad guy. But if a villain transcends those abilities and holds mastery of so many resources that even major world government are working against the odds when they try to stop him, then he is a supervillain, particularly if those resources are matched to a vision that goes beyond mere avarice–if they [sic] have an ego-soaked or ego-driven mania or vision, some great project to accomplish, especially if this project is socially transformative but will have to be forced upon an unwilling populace and especially if it involves mass murder or massive numbers of deaths, or if the project can be viewed–in a sick and twisted way–as art. Therefore, mission and power as the two important defining elements of supervillainy” (Superhero, pgs. 95-96).

There are some major problems with this thesis. First, there are many, many characters who are unquestionably supervillains, but whose goals go no further than robbing banks and killing the superheroes who keep foiling their schemes. Think of the Penguin, the Riddler, Two-Face, the Vulture, Captain Cold, the Mirror Master, and Captain Boomerang, among so many others.

Second, there are many supervillans, such as Doctor Doom, that even “major world governments” would have trouble stopping. Jim Starlin’s Thanos succeeded in wiping out half the population of the universe in The Infinity Gauntlet (1990). If Jack Kirby’s Darkseid got hold of the anti-life equation, he could enslave the entire population of the universe. But if the United States government sent the entire might of its armed forces to capture the Riddler or the Vulture, those criminals wouldn’t have a chance. But, as noted, the Riddler and Vulture operate on a smaller scale than Doctor Doom or Thanos: the former two are basically costumed thieves. But they are supervillains because their wiliness and skills enable them to defy the legal authorities who likewise operate on this smaller scale: the city police. It takes superheroes–Batman and Spider-Man–to capture the Riddler and the Vulture. Once again, context counts.

But even if “the resources and abilities of the police” prove to be insufficient “to counter a villain’s schemes,” that still doesn’t necessarily make him a supervillain. Isn’t a premise of a typical Sherlock Holmes story that the police, represented by Inspector Lestrade, are too unimaginative to solve the crime, and that only Holmes has the genius to find and capture the culprit? In fact, isn’t it a common theme of the mystery genre that the principal villain is too smart for the police, and that only Hercule Poirot, Philip Marlowe, or whoever the detective hero is, can outwit him? Lieutenant Columbo is a member of the police force, but he is invariably the only policeman who notices the telltale clues and identifies the true murderer.

Moreover, in the television series 24, even though our “major world government” has an efficient, highly capable Counter-Terrorist Unit, the show creates the impression that only one man, Jack Bauer, can stop the terrorist masterminds. Are these masterminds, even when they tote around suitcase nukes, supervillains? Or are they simply more ordinary villains who have managed to procure weapons of mass destruction? The main villains on 24 lack the outsized personalities that more likely candidates for the role of supervillain, such as Dr. Lecter and Captain Nemo, possess.

Speaking of these two, they fit the “power” requirement, too. Captain Nemo poses a threat to the world’s navies with his Nautilus. Dr. Lecter’s extraordinary intelligence enables him to outwit most lawmen, with rare exceptions such as Will Graham, the hero of Red Dragon, and Clarice Starling, the heroine of Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal. (Significantly, Graham is an F. B. I. profiler, who attempts to capture serial killers by thinking as they do, and Starling in Silence is studying profiling.)

Coogan’s final criterion for supervillainy is identity. But, Coogan states, “in the reverse of the superhero[‘s case], identity is the weakest element of the definition of the supervillain and is not necessary but typical. It is a necessary aspect of inverted-superhero supervillains since they wear costumes and have codenames.” For example, Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot is the Penguin. However, “Unlike superheroes, they often do not maintain secret identities. . . .They often give up their normal lives, deciding to live purely within the super-world. They have abandoned the things that tie them to mundane existence and cut themselves off from normal life. Just as the secret identity helps the superhero retain ties to the larger society he protects, so does the villain”˜s abandonment of the ordinary identity magnify his selfishness and disconnect from the larger society he attacks” (p. 96).

“Captain Nemo” is an assumed name: Nemo has abandoned his true identity, which, we learn in Jules Verne’s Mysterious Island (1874), is Prince Dakkar, the son of an Indian rajah. He has indeed “cut” himself “off from normal life” and severed his “ties to the larger society.” The Disney Leagues movie makes evident his contempt for his visitors from the surface world, except for Professor Aronnax, whom he regards as intellectually capable of understanding and appreciating him.

Dr. Lecter does not have a codename, but he is given a nickname, “Hannibal the Cannibal.” Lecter does not willingly abandon society: he is extracted from it and incarcerated when his crimes are exposed. Hence in the first two novels in which he appears, Red Dragon and The Silence of the Lambs, Lecter is a prisoner. After escaping in Silence, Lecter has adopted a dual identity in the next novel, Hannibal, and has reintegrated himself into civilized society as art historian Dr. Fell. But again, he is exposed and forced to abandon his role in society. But in that novel’s ending (which is very different from the film adaptation’s), he has apparently reestablished himself in society in Buenos Aires, presumably under yet another assumed identity.

Nevertheless, the salient point is that all three books primarily present Dr. Lecter as an outsider. Indeed, as a prisoner, Lecter abandons the social graces he must have possessed as a member of society and adopts a monstrous persona to terrify and intimidate most members of “the larger society” who deal with him.

The Joker has separated himself from “the larger society” of which he was once a part, as the possible origin that Alan Moore gave him in Batman: The Killing Joke (1988) shows. It’s a mistake to attempt to give the Joker a “real name,” as Tim Burton’s Batman movie (1989) did, since the lack of a “civilian identity” distances the Joker even further from “the larger society” that he attacks.

In Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ Watchmen (1986-1987), Ozymandias purports to be a superhero, seeking to save the world, yet his actions cast him in the role of supervillain. Towards the end of the series, Ozymandias literally separates himself from society by retreating to his Antarctic base, Karnak. (This base is obviously partly inspired by Superman and Doc Savage’s arctic Fortresses of Solitude, but neither Superman nor Savage stay full time at their bases, whereas in Watchmen, once Ozymandias goes there, significantly we never see him leave.)

Nowadays, the notion of giving a superhero a secret, “civilian” identity has fallen out of fashion with various comics editors and writers. Note that Coogan emphasizes the importance of the secret identity in helping him “retain ties to the larger society he protects”; indeed, the “civilian identity” keeps the superhero in touch with his own humanity. This is why Superman must continue his alternate life as Clark Kent. It is the supervillain who typically cuts himself off from “the larger society.” So, when Marvel has Spider-Man publicly reveal his Peter Parker identity in Civil War, and live with his wife and aunt at Avengers headquarters, it should be clear that the company is moving its flagship character in the wrong direction.

Coogan contends that the supervillain can be found in genres other than the superhero genre, and that the supervillain even predates the creation of the first superhero, Superman. It’s true that there are many examples of larger-than-life, even fantastical villains, whom Coogan would class as supervillains, pitted against heroes who, however extraordinary, do not qualify as superheroes. Thus Sir Denis Nayland Smith, who is not a superhero, is the nemesis of the great supervillain Dr. Fu Manchu.

In the classic British television series The Avengers (see “Comics in Context” #52-53), John Steed and Mrs. Emma Peel, who are secret agents, not superheroes, sometimes contended against super-powerful adversaries, such as the Cybernaut robots (whose creator, Dr. Clement Armstrong, was clearly a Mad Scientist), and the Positive Negative Man, who fired lethal electrical discharges from his finger, rather like Spider-Man’s enemy Electro. In one episode, “The Winged Avenger” (1967), the title character is an actual costumed supervillain, a cartoonist impersonating his own fictional superhero, whose weapons are his razor-sharp claws, which also allow him to scale walls. (And this is seven years before the creation of Wolverine!)

In The X-Files F. B. I. agents Mulder and Scully, who fit the detective archetype, regularly combatted supervillains. Many of the latter had actual super-powers, such as the shapeshifting, nearly invulnerable alien Bounty Hunter.

The show’s archvillain is known by a codename: the Cigarette-Smoking Man. The significance of that name is made clear by another alias he is sometimes given: Cancer Man. Cigarettes cause cancer, which is a cause of death, marking the CSM as a figure of death. His real name, like the Joker’s, is a mystery. (The series eventually gave him the name “C. G. B. Spender” but suggests this is one alias among many others.). Though the CSM is a high government official, in his personal life he lives alone, cut off from “the larger society.” Indeed, his covert operations likewise isolate him from society at large. He has no super-powers, but he commands vast resources in the U. S. government and armed forces (making him an Enemy Commander), as well as advanced technology. The CSM also shares the supervillainous trait of returning time and again from apparent death. He has a sense of mission, and justifies his crimes by claiming they are for the ultimate goal of staving off an impending alien invasion. The CSM even has a few psychological “wounds.” He was estranged from his lover, Mulder’s mother (and by the end of the series it was evident that the CSM was Mulder’s real father). If the episode “Musings of a Cigarette-Smoking Man” (1996) is to be believed, he is a failed writer of fiction, a particularly unusual sort of “wound.”

If James West, the hero of the television series The Wild Wild West (1965-1969) was conceived by his creator Michael Garrison as “James Bond on horseback,” then his archnemesis, Dr. Miguelito Loveless, was the show’s version of a Bondian supervillain. Set in the 1870s, The Wild Wild West was a fusion of the Western with the Bondian superspy genre with science fiction.

Coogan lists five categories of supervillain, and Dr. Loveless fits three. Primarily, he is a Mad Scientist, a genius who invented radio and television a century early, as shown in his debut episode, “The Night the Wizard Shook the Earth” (1965), whose title perceptively links the Mad Scientist with the evil sorcerers of earlier literature. In the series’ second season, Loveless proved able to create scientific marvels that lay beyond the reach of even early 21st century science. For example, in “The Night of the Surreal McCoy” (1967), he opens portals into pocket alternate realities through paintings. (Hey, that’s like Bert’s sidewalk painting in Mary Poppins! See “Comics in Context” #158.) Dr. Loveless is also a Criminal Mastermind, and in another episode, “The Night of the Bogus Bandits” (1967), he leads a private army, making him an Enemy Commander. (In that episode he even wears a military-style uniform.)

Dr. Loveless is fond of monologuing. In fact, there’s an amusing sequence in “The Night of the Raven” (1966) in which West and his fellow agent Artemus Gordon feign lack of interest in Loveless’s latest scheme in order to provoke him into delivering a monologue, telling them all about it, demanding their recognition of his achievement. (These last three episodes will be released on DVD on March 20 in The Wild Wild West Vol. 2.)

Loveless has a strong sense of mission. He commits his terrorist attacks on the California state government (in his debut episode) as part of his plan to take over the southern part of the state and transform it into a utopia for children. Later, in “The Night of the Murderous Spring” (1966), Loveless has extended the scope of his mission to the entire planet: he intends to wipe out the human race in order to return the planet to a pristine natural state.

Like other supervillains, Dr. Loveless sees himself as an artist, and, indeed, a high point of his appearances comes when he performs a song. He has a sense of theatricality: he deceives West by impersonating his own supposed uncle in “The Night Dr. Loveless Died” (1967) and heads his own circus in “The Night of Miguelito’s Revenge” (1968). (Of course, supercriminals typically devise elaborate schemes of revenge against their heroic nemeses rather than, say, simply shooting them dead. Such convoluted plots are the expressions of the villains’ sinister creative imaginations, and hence, their equivalent of works of art.)

Loveless also has very strong “wounds.” He claims to be the rightful owner of Southern California, and that the U. S. government has usurped it. More importantly, he is a dwarf, whose condition causes him continual pain, and he sees himself not only as a target of prejudice but as the victim of a cruel universe.

Loveless’s sense of humor and joy in manipulating West also mark him as a trickster. Many supervillains, such as the Joker, are malevolent tricksters, while various superheroes, such as Spider-Man, with his snappy patter, act as tricksters against their adversaries. If Coogan’s Superhero ever has a sequel, it would behoove him to explore this subject. (I’ve written extensively about the trickster archetype in my analysis of Neil Gaiman’s novel Anansi Boys in “Comics in Context” #105-108.)

And then there’s Count Petofi in the 1897 sequence of Dark Shadows (originally telecast in 1969; see “Comics in Context” #11), who not only has tremendous magical powers (making him an Evil Sorcerer, the counterpart of the Mad Scientist), but has a “wound” that is both physical and psychological: he hates and fears the gypsies for severing his hand. Petofi too regards himself as an artist, and was repeatedly shown happily studying musical scores while silently “conducting” them with his hand. More to the point, his master scheme involved his commissioning of a painting–a portrait of Quentin Collins–which he endowed with magical powers. (Later, Petofi considered the idea of using paintings to magically create an army, thereby making him an Enemy Commander.) Petofi is also an actor, playing the false identity of British aristocrat Victor Fenn-Gibbon when he first appears on the series, and later (thanks to switching bodies) impersonating Quentin Collins.

In writing about the supervillain as Criminal Mastermind, Coogan describes Sherlock Holmes’s archfoe Professor Moriarty, whom Arthur Conan Doyle introduced in “The Final Problem” (1893).

Notice the methods that Doyle utilizes to present Moriarty as figuratively more than human, larger than life. The Batman is figuratively superhuman in that he presents himself as if he were a bat in human form: a “bat man.” Likewise Professor Moriarty is metaphorically an animal in human form. In “The Final Problem” Sherlock Holmes tells Dr. Watson that Moriarty “sits motionless, like a spider in the centre of its web,” controlling his criminal empire. In falling down the Reichenbach Falls, Moriarty “clawed the air with both his hands,” according to Holmes in “The Adventure of the Empty House” (1903), as if Moriarty had claws like a bird or beast of some sort. Describing his first meeting with Moriarty in “The Final Problem,” Holmes tells Watson “his face protrudes forward and is forever slowly oscillating from side to side in a curiously reptilian fashion.”

So Moriarty is also metaphorically a reptile, like a serpent, a traditional symbol of Satan. That would make sense, since Holmes calls Moriarty “the organizer of half that is evil and of nearly all that is undetected in this great city,” as if he were indeed Satan. Holmes also states that Moriarty “had hereditary tendencies of the most diabolical kind.” Holmes does not mean that Moriarty is literally a demon, but through his choice of words, Conan Doyle plants that metaphor in the readers’ minds.

Doyle, through Holmes, goes even further, describing Moriarty as if he were not truly human, but some force of pure evil. Holmes tells Watson that “For years past I have continually been conscious of some power behind the malefactor, some deep organizing power which forever stands in the way of the law, and throws its shield over the wrong-doer. Again and again in cases of the most varying sorts — forgery cases, robberies, murders — I have felt the presence of this force, “ Eventually Holmes discovered that this unseen “power,” this “force,” was Moriarty, working through his many criminal agents. “But the central power which uses the agent is never caught — never so much as suspected.”

But the conceptual heart of Professor Moriarty lies in this statement by Holmes in “The Final Problem”: “You know my powers, my dear Watson, and yet at the end of three months I was forced to confess that I had at last met an antagonist who was my intellectual equal.” Moriarty is Holmes’s equal; he is Holmes’ evil opposite; he is symbolically Holmes’s evil twin. Years ago I even saw a play in London, The Secret of Sherlock Holmes (1988), by Jeremy Paul, which postulated (Spoiler Alert! Skip to the next paragraph!) that Moriarty was Holmes, who suffered from multiple personality disorder.

So Holmes and Moriarty are equals but opposites. How, then, can Moriarty be a “supervillain” when Holmes, by Coogan’s definition, is not a “superhero”?

Or what about the Master, the archvillain of Doctor Who? He fits Coogan’s definition of supervillain, and, indeed, I wrote the Master’s entry for Visible Ink’s The Supervillain Book. The Doctor has certain superpowers, notably his ability to “regenerate” his body when he is on the brink of death (that is, when a new actor takes over the role). But Coogan would surely define the Doctor as a science fiction hero, not a “superhero” (one word). Yet the point of the Master is that he and the Doctor are both Time Lords, possessing the same abilities. The Master is the Doctor’s equal and opposite. But the Master is a “supervillain,” according to Coogan, who might classify the Doctor as a “super hero” (two words), his term for heroes with “extraordinary abilities” who do not qualify as heroes of the superhero genre.

But as I wrote in last week’s column, I believe that it’s confusing to have to distinguish between “super hero” (two words) and “superhero” (one word), when they sound alike in spoken conversation. Besides, most people will assume the terms mean the same thing (as Marvel and DC do).

Moreover, in his book Coogan establishes that the superhero is the protagonist of the superhero genre. That logically suggests that the supervillain should be defined as the principal kind of antagonist in the superhero genre. (Obviously, superheroes fight other sorts of villains as well: Batman and Spider-Man regularly combat ordinary muggers and bank robbers.) I believe it will lead to confusion to categorize characters outside the superhero genre as supervillains.

Coogan precisely defies the superhero, and explains why characters like the Phantom, the Shadow, Buffy, Luke Skywalker and others don’t fit his definition. By doing so, Coogan enables us to comprehend more clearly what sets the superhero apart from other kinds of adventure heroes.

I believe that by including in the supervillain category characters as far removed from the superhero genre as Beowulf‘s Grendel and the Satan of Milton’s Paradise Lost, Coogan may be making the same error as those who would include, say, Beowulf himself under the heading of superheroes.

Coogan correctly perceives traits that are common to the sort of villains that he designates as “supervillains,” whether or not they operate in the superhero genre. But couldn’t he just as easily have found characteristics that link the “super heroes” (two words) of different genres? For example, don’t Spider-Man, Buffy, Luke Skywalker, and Harry Potter have many things in common. (For one thing, they’re all effectively orphans, though Buffy loses her mother in the course of her series, and her father not through his death but through his neglect of her.)

Coogan makes reference to the work of the late literary critic Northrup Frye, the author of Anatomy of Criticism (1957), who wrote about he called the “mode” of “romance,” by which he meant stories of extraordinary adventure. According to Frye the hero of romance is “superior in degree to other men and to his environment” and “moves in a world in which the ordinary laws of nature are slightly suspended.” Coogan states that his “super heroes” (two words) fit Frye’s description of the heroes of romance; superheroes (one word) would, as well. I have coined the term “megaheroes” to refer to such heroes of romance, of which the “superheroes” (one word) of the superhero genre constitute a subset.

Though Frye (as far as I know) did not address this subject, the romance mode would also include the villain of romance who is “superior in degree to other men and to his environment” and “move in a world in which the ordinary laws of nature are slightly suspended.” I believe that such a larger-than-life villain can also appear outside the romance mode. Iago, for example, is a character in a Shakespearean tragedy; Hannibal Lecter first appeared in what seemed to be realistic “low mimetic” crime thrillers. However, the presence of such extraordinary villains indicates that Othello and The Silence of the Lambs actually contain elements of romance, as Frye used the word. Coogan refers to these villains of romance as “supervillains.”

I propose that the villain of romance should be called the “megavillain.” The supervillain would then be defined as the principal kind of antagonist in the superhero genre. Hence, supervillains constitute a subset of the category of megavillains. Beowulf‘s Grendel, Shakespeare’s Richard III and Iago, Milton’s Satan, the Queen of the Night, Professor Moriarty, Dracula, Dr. Fu Manchu, Goldfinger, Dr. Loveless, Dr. Lecter, Dr. Mabuse, Darth Vader, Lord Voldemort, the Cigarette-Smoking Man, the Hooded Claw, Magica de Spell (from Uncle Scrooge), Maleficent (from Disney’s Sleeping Beauty), the Master (from Doctor Who), and the Brain (from Pinky and the Brain) are all megavillains. Doctor Doom and the Joker are megavillains who are also supervillains, since they operate in the superhero genre. And the Winged Avenger is a Displaced Supervillain, who finds himself transplanted into another genre.

Of the five types of “supervillains” that he identifies, Coogan asserts that only the “Inverted-Superhero Supervillain” (basically, the costumed supervillain), is specific to the superhero genre. Coogan also writes about the “gravitational pull” of a genre, and I find it instructive to study the “gravitational pull” of the superhero genre on the comics villains whom he lists as examples of the other four types of “supervillains.”

As an example of the Monster, Coogan names the Lizard from Spider-Man. Yet the Lizard should also qualify as an “Inverted-Superhero Supervillain.” He has a dual identity, like his nemesis Spider-Man, but whereas Peter Parker merely dons a costume to become a metaphorical “spider man,” Dr. Curt Connors literally transforms into a reptile to become the Lizard.

“In superhero comics,” Coogan writes, “the two foremost enemy commanders are Dr. Doom and the Red Skull” (p. 66).

Doctor Doom, of course, wears a full costume, including an armored battlesuit that endows him with superhuman abilities. The subtext of his relationship with his principal nemesis, Reed Richards, is that Doom is Reed’s equal (or near-equal) and opposite: he is like Reed gone wrong, an extraordinary genius who seeks to dominate humanity.

As he was originally portrayed, as a terrorist with a death’s-head mask, the Red Skull could easily have been a villain out of the pulps. But notice that when Stan Lee and Jack Kirby first brought the Red Skull from the 1940s into the modern age of superheroes, they considerably upgraded his power and ambitions. In possession of the virtually unlimited power of the Cosmic Cube, the Red Skull was no longer Hitler’s underling, but dreamed of conquering the world and even the universe (see Tales of Suspense #79-81, 1966). In the hands of certain gifted writers, the depiction of the Red Skull shifted to that of an “inverted” version of his superhero nemesis, Captain America. Indeed, Roger Stern established that the American government devised the costumed persona of Captain America as a response to the Red Skull, Nazi Germany’s iconic figure of terror (Captain America #255, March 1981). Mark Gruenwald literalized this analogy, by establishing that the Red Skull’s consciousness had been transferred into a body cloned from Captain America: he was literally his evil twin (Captain America #350, February 1989)!

As for the Criminal Mastermind, look at the history of such characters in Spider-Man. The BIg Man and the Crime-Master wore masks concealing their faces and had codenames and secret identities. Built like a sumo wrestler, the Kingpin is strong enough to stand up to the super-powered Spider-Man in combat, and wields advanced weaponry (the disintegrator gun in his cane). Silvermane started out as an elderly gangster and was converted into a superhuman cyborg. And the Green Goblin is unquestionably a costumed “inverted-superhero” supervillain.

The category of the Mad Scientist presents more difficulty. A definition of the superhero as a hero with super-powers cannot work because it excludes Batman, the second most important protagonist of the superhero genre. Similarly, any definition of the supervillain must include Lex Luthor, who has no super-powers, codename, dual identity, or (usually) distinctive costume.

Significantly, the most prominent non-costumed mad scientists in the superhero genre–bald men, sometimes with thick glasses, most of them in lab coats–come from the earliest days of superhero comics: the Ultra-Humanite and Lex Luthor in Superman, Dr. Sivana in Captain Marvel, and Professor Hugo Strange in Batman. It shouldn’t be surprising that in these early years, in which the superhero was a brand new creation, that superhero comics were still using the pulp-style Mad Scientist as a principal villain. Significantly, with the debut of comics’ first costumed supervillain, the Joker, in Batman #1 (1940), he immediately supplanted Professor Strange as Batman’s leading villain.

As the superhero genre evolved, the new Mad Scientists who were created in the genre usually became inverted-superhero supervillains as well. Doctor Doom is an evil scientific genius like Lex Luthor, but Stan Lee and Jack Kirby presented him in full costume from the beginning. (Note that in his 1986 Squadron Supreme series, Mark Gruenwald took Emil Burbank, the Squadron’s Luthor counterpart, and converted him into the armored Master Menace, a variation on Doctor Doom.) Another Marvel villain, the Wizard, started out as a plainclothes Mad Scientist, but eventually adopted a costume, a more elaborate codename {“Wingless Wizard”), and a specialty super-power (his antigravity discs). Gardner Fox’s Justice League villains Professor Amos Fortune and Doctor Destiny likewise began as plainclothes Mad Scientists and ended up in costumes. When Steve Englehart revived Professor Hugo Strange in the 1970s, he turned him into a metaphorical shapeshifter, who masqueraded as Bruce Wayne and, memorably, as Batman in costume (see “Comics in Context” #84). Even in the Golden Age, Dr. Sivana and his two nasty kids, Sivana Jr. and Georgia, were presented as the “Sivana Family,” an inverted, evil counterpart to the superheroic Marvel Family. The Ultra-Humanite became a kind of shapeshifter in the Golden Age by transplanting his brain into a woman’s body, and in the 1970s became a true superhuman, in the body of an ape.

Lex Luthor has consistently remained one of the foremost villains of the superhero genre since his introduction. The gravitational pull of the genre has affected him, too: In the “Powerstone” storyline in the 1940s Luthor temporarily acquired superhuman strength, and there have been periods over the decades in which Luthor has been depicted in costume (as in the Justice League Unlimited animated series). But typically he lacks costume, codename, dual identity, and super-powers.

Ultimately, there are two reasons that make Luthor, Sivana, and Professor Strange not just megavillains but true supervillains.

First, they control resources, primarily those of advanced science, that enable them to rival or even surpass the power of their superhero adversaries. (As seen in Matt Wagner’s recent reworking of the original Hugo Strange stories, Batman and The Monster Men, Professor Strange’s foremost achievement was the transformation of ordinary people into super-strong giants.)

Second, Luthor, Sivana, and Strange focus their criminal efforts on battling their respective superhero nemeses. Coogan argued that Shang-Chi became a superhero when he swerved as a member of a superhero team. I contend that this “gravitational” effect works with Luthor, Sivana, and Strange as well. All three could be villains in pulp novels outside the superhero genre. But their exclusive, longrunning connection to the superhero opponents establishes them as supervillains.

I have much more to say about Peter Coogan’s Superhero book, but other topics await. Be assured that I will be referring to the book often in future columns. It should become a basic text for study of the superhero genre, and you should all go get yourselves copies. Then perhaps all of us who write about superheroes will share a common definition of just what a superhero is.

Or maybe not. Denny O’Neil wrote a highly appreciative introduction to Coogan’s book. But in his new blog at ComicMix, O’Neil referred to “all superheroes, from Gilgamesh on”. No! Denny, please go back and reread Peter Coogan’s Chapter 5!

ADVERTISEMENTS FOR MYSELF
This very weekend, from Friday, February 23 through Sunday the 25th, I am appearing at the second New York Comic Con at Manhattan’s Javits Center. I am doing signings of the Marvel Encyclopedia and The Ultimate Guide to the X-Men at the DK Publishing booth on Saturday from 2 to 3 PM and on Sunday from 11 AM t 12:30 PM.

Most importantly, “Stan Lee: A Retrospective” is now open at the Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art (www.moccany.org) in Manhattan. Museum president Ken Wong and I jointly curated the show, which features original comics artwork from the 1960s and rare collectibles, and which will run through July 3. Next week I hope to tell you about our opening night reception, featuring a visit from Stan the Man himself!

Copyright 2007 Peter Sanderson

February 23, 2007

Scrubs Blog: My Last Kiss and Fall

Filed under: Production Blogs,Quickcasts,Scrubs Blog,Video — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:49 am
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VIDEO BLOG #78: “My Last Kiss and Fall” ““
How many kisses does it take to get to the center of Scrubs‘s most unique relationship? You may be suprised… and just a little touched. Also, stay tuned to see just how much work is involved to tape a doctor to a cafeteria ceiling…

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Download Scrubs Video Blog #78:

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Trailer Park: Luc Besson Still Directs? For Reals?

Filed under: Columns,Trailer Park — admin @ 2:26 am

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

One of the things I like about the Internet is that I am able to reach people who I would otherwise never get to talk to or meet. Discussing movies, in my physical space, limits me to a very focused number of individuals who already share my taste in film. Those who don’t share my opinion, and this one goes out to my sister and my brother-in-law who abhorred BRING IT ON when I mentioned it would make a great rental, and who can now suck-it because I still know I’m right, regardless of their dry white toast taste in movies, are rare. Discourse with regard to movies is hard to come by unless you’re a webmaster for a blog and even then you’re doomed to an existence of shouting into a hole where other voices are clamoring to find out why Britney Spears has left yet another rehab facility. Having a voice is only as good as those hearing it.

That’s why I love to run Viewer Mail.

Every person has a story and for every opinion I have I like it when someone wants to mix it up. However, one of the biggest pitfalls I see on other sites where those with differing ideas are treated with a bit of amusement and ridicule. I understand that not everyone with a web page went to school and missed the lesson about rhetorical strategies and that the most important part of learning is listening. Like the site implies, Quick Stop, I am open for business and if you don’t see something here to your liking write in and let me know about it. It’s nice to get schooled every once in a while and that brings us up to the following piece of e-mail I received. Have an opinion, people, and sack-up when the mood strikes. So, if you have a thought, disagreement, JOB OFFER (I work fairly cheap) let me know. atr0018@unt.edu wrote in and had this to say:

I would like to comment on one of your Trailer Park articles, particularly the review of the trailer for Superman Returns in the “top trailers of 2006.” I understand that people travel in different circles and therefore hear different opinions but, I must say you seem to have exaggerated the reaction to this film in your article. I hate to see a movie’s reputation become clouded just b/c of a few internet bloggers blowing this or that out of proportion and misinterpreting a supposed “consensus” in the media. You really sure you read that many “piss poor reviews?” I dont know what you’ve read but over at RottenTomatoes Returns has a 76% tomatometer. Not too shabby if you ask me. Not only that but the film, while not a uber-blockbuster as expected, had decent legs at the boxoffice (similar to Batman Begins, a film that you probably would have referred to as a big hit b/c that’s what the media decided it was). These legs mean it couldnt have been received that badly. My own personal experience found more ppl who liked SR than the highest grossing movie of the year, Dead Man’s Chest. Sure, these articles of yours cater to a certain movie-geek (and therefore to an extent comic-book geek) crowd who have been the ones harping on this film for simply straying from the source material and not living out their “vision” of what it should have been. But there are also common moviegoers who read this, and that is why it is my belief that maybe you should do a little more research into a movie’s media “consensus” instead of simply writing based on how you read the vibe that the movie-geek community gives off. You wrote part of this article as if Superman Returns is one of the biggest flops of all time, when in fact it is far from it. It got decent reviews from critics and recouped most of its budget at the box office. In fact, there’s even a sequel on the way.

I, in turn, wrote back the following:

Anonymous, (I would formally recognize you by first name but I think you would take umbrage with me if I wrote “Dear atr0018”)

Thank you for your note.

I think you’re close in saying that I exaggerated the national consensus with the film. Where I think your and my blue and red electrical wires are crossing is that I was speaking wholly from the fanboy P.O.V. and the fact that, at the box office, the yields from this movie didn’t justify the amounts that were spent on it. In fact, just after a few weeks after the movie came out, and the financial projections were all but final, Singer was at Comic-Con to talk about the film and even he conceded that the film wasn’t the success he hoped it would be. (I’ll be honest, I would send you the audio of that discussion but I have yet to get to it. There’s an interview I still have to run from that time which may see the light of day in March. I suck, I know that.)

I also am taking the side of Ebert who put it best when he said the movie was, “a glum, lackluster movie in which even the big effects sequences seem dutiful instead of exhilarating.” I get that. I understand exactly what he’s saying. After I played it and watched it again on my home theater system it reinforced the diametric differences between what the trailer promised and what the movie delivered. It was a good movie. It was a solid movie BUT it just wasn’t what Superman SHOULD have been. There should have been more POW where there was deep introspection.

Also, look at the box office figures. Straight from Box Office Mojo the movie cost $270 to make (Lord knows the advertising and marketing budget wasn’t cheap, either) and only raked in 200 at the domestic box office. Sure, the foreign markets helped to make up the difference but if I’m a multi-national corporation I don’t see a movie that is limping to break even as a successful tent pole picture. It’s not a failure, either, but it’s hovering in that quasi-limbo arena of success or stinkbomb. So, I agree that it had “decent” legs but they weren’t the kind of legs that I am sure Warner’s were hoping for.

And no, I wouldn’t have rated Batman Begins as high as I did, I loved that film, plus it got trailer props for last year’s list because it had a strong trailer that represented the movie well and not because it was “a film that you probably would have referred to as a big hit b/c that’s what the media decided it was.” Come on, now, play nice. The movie did as well as it did because it crushed the previous incarnations completely and totally; it deserved its success on its own merit. My opinion came in a long time before the movie ever came out so there’s no way I could have played favorites based on media bias, it’s the kind of position I’m in. I said the trailer for The Queen sucked and look how well that movie has done. I said the trailer for Superman Returns looked great when I reviewed 2 different trailers *before* its release so it sucks for me when I have to end up eating crow by admitting that I was fooled by the trailer.

And, you’re right, a sequel IS on the way and, you know what the best part of that is? Singer has established everything he needed to in the first installment to pave the way for a more “popcorn” film, like X-2 was, for the sequel.

I really appreciate your note. I hope this letter doesn’t come off snarky or anything less than trying to trade information back to you…even though you didn’t even sign your name like the coward philistine you probably are! It’s not often anyone writes in so I dug being able to write back….

See? I didn’t threaten to punch him in the cock for being an asshole in disagreeing with the way I chose to interpret things, I took it as an opportunity to actually have a conversation of sorts.

Regardless of what’s going on everyone has a unique view and I don’t know how to address the very audience I’m writing to unless you speak up.

Enjoy the weekend and apropos of absolutely NOTHING but my own shameless self-indulgence in the sport, and for the life of me I can’t explain that for every cinephile who enjoyed MAJOR LEAGUE, with a MEN AT AT WORK Charlie Sheen gearing-up for his brother’s greatest filmic achievement and who would’ve thought all these years later it would be Dennis Haysbert, aka Pedro Cerrano, who would be the real star of that flick, hates to even think about real baseball, I’m fully engorged that Spring Training for The Chicago Cubs, straight representin’ yo, has finally started. There is a world beyond the silver screen and it is the hope that this team finishes a few notches above last place that keeps me coming back year after year.

LUCKY YOU (2007)

Director: Curtis Hanson
Cast:
Eric Bana, Drew Barrymore, Robert Duvall, Debra Messing
Release: May 4, 2007
Synopsis:
In Lucky You, a professional poker player (Eric Bana) gets a lesson in life from a struggling singer (Drew Barrymore) as he collides with his estranged father (Robert Duvall) at the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Negative. When will this collective fascination of Texas Hold’em just die as I believe the fifteen-minute expiration has long since passed.

I say this because, one, I can’t play and, two, this movie feels like a knee-jerk reaction to the populist fervor that has built-up around every Tom, Dick and Harry looking to cash-in on the moment.

I will, note, however, that this movie seems perfect in every sense of the word with regard to thinking about movies that will make perfect rentals come the summer when dudes are inexorably trapped in the aisles of their local Blockbuster and trying, desperately so, to find a film that won’t incite domestic violence.

That said, this trailer plays every moment by the numbers, even giving us the Idiot’s Guide opening of how to play the card game whilst Barrymore and Bana are tableside in a casino; this is the oddest combination, Vegas cool with a cotton candy presentation.

I like and appreciate that the trailer makers here went with a soundtrack that is completely devoid of any Gwen Stefani love jangle, any K.T. Tunstall estrogen infused jingle and actually manages to walk the line of staying right in the background as we try to get our footing for why we’re following these two people. It seems, at the start, that this is just a story of a guy who likes to gamble and the woman who digs that in someone with a lot of potential as a mate. I’m not sure this is exactly where you should drop that this love fest is being directed by the guy who did 8 MILE and L.A. CONFIDENTIAL as we really haven’t seen anything that would warrant proclaiming it so but that’s just me.

“I could’ve played it safe”¦that’s not who I am.”

Never mind the fact that Duvall comes into this trailer way too late but that there’s a palatable feeling this seems to be a movie not about one dude’s struggle to get a grip on his life but that Duvall is going to be schooling his absent son about the finer points of living one’s life with a lady. Bana makes the above quote and I feel the blood reeling from my retinas as I cannot believe The Hulk has went all squishy for a paycheck.

Cue crying Barrymore, set things up to have their eventual dénouement at where else but the World Series of Poker, have events set in motion where Bana will (GASP!) have to probably choose between his love for the cards and his heterosexual need for some of that crazy Drew action.

Ooo, and I almost didn’t stick around until the end of the trailer, but it seems that not only is it the last table at the WSOP but that Duvall and Bana are the LAST people at that table. Hence, making the choice of what to do at the end all the more Hollywood-ish; it makes me sick that some wag got his mortgage paid writing this crap.

I just saved every single one of you $10 and an excruciating night at the movies.

LITTLE CHILDREN (2007)

Director: Todd Field
Cast: Kate Winslet, Jennifer Connelly, Patrick Wilson, Noah Emmerich
Release: Now Playing
Synopsis: Loosely based on the acclaimed Tom Perrotta novel of the same name, LITTLE CHILDREN centers on a group of young marrieds, whose lives intersect on the playgrounds, town pools and streets of their small community in surprising and potentially dangerous ways.

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Prognosis: Positive. Much like an author who I would admire enough to follow for a few works because I enjoy their voice (Charles Baxter, Ted Rall anyone?) Todd Field is a surprising addition to those whose work I choose to take an interest in if for no other reason than he has more acting credits to his name than he does directing jobs.

I mean, Drippy? Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Drippy? Yes, one and the same and it’s amazing that he captured the claustrophobic lives of a couple who find their own lives closing in on them with IN THE BEDROOM. If that film doesn’t rock your parental core then there isn’t anything out there that will. The mood, the emotional weight and depth of the characters played by Tom Wilkinson and Sissy Spacek are well represented with sharp acuity and, to top it all off, we get Tom Cruise’s cousin getting the kind of send-off I wish would happen to a lot of people who slip through the justice system’s fingers.

With this trailer we get a lot of what I loved about IN THE BEDROOM compressed into this damn-near wordless, music-less, voice-over-less representation of lust, betrayal and family gatherings.

As things open I’m not sure if I’m watching a movie or an advertisement for the latest and greatest in genital herpes protection. I’m quickly able to downshift the smartass after a lone train’s approach sufficiently smothers the Good Morning America tableau with Connelly and Wilson playing people who obviously would like nothing more than bash one another’s temples with wooden meat tenderizers.

And, please, if you haven’t already figured out that as Wilson lets that glistening water drag slowly down his well-defined spinal column as he extricates his soggy, albeit tight, ass from the community piss pool, myself I find it never looks that sexy when I drain water down my leg from the pockets inside my board shorts because it looks like I’m urinating on myself, that Winslet is imagining anything short of hot monkey love you need to go back to school. Seriously.

With great earnestness I say that the moments that follow where, unless you’re an unfeeling troll, Wilson is with his kids, putting on that happy daddy face, and Winslet talks about her needs as a woman I can absolutely sense the pain and misery that is about to roll right though these people’s lives in ways, I believe, would rival FATAL ATTRACTION, a movie that was forgone in its conclusion because of the craziness of its antagonist.

Huge fan of whatever woman fills the red swimsuit. Huge fan. Don’t know who it is and I don’t care. No additional comments here, just wanted to make that known.

There’s also a lot to be said about the ending for this trailer where bells are ringing, the train that’s lingered there for a while in the soundscape is now “passing” by on the tracks, the anguish that’s on full-display, all of it. I am thankful that I don’t really understand what is happening. There’s just wonderful composition of the moments that were chosen here to be included.

See, I oftentimes am amazed by the money shots that are used by any number of trailer makers when they decide a preview. Most of the time I am completely complicit in advocating a trailer to have just a disconnected ending when it comes to action films. This doesn’t translate well to dramatic pieces but this trailer here, though, managed to have great shots while being able to string them together with great passion while imbuing it all with an elevated sense of dread.

There’s no way this movie could have slid so far underneath the radar but it has and I hope the Oscar nod helps to get people out there in seeing whether this movie can manage to do what the trailer is selling.

ZODIAC (2007)

Director: David Fincher
Cast:
Jake Gyllenhaal, Mark Ruffalo, Robert Downey Jr., Anthony Edwards
Release: March 2, 2007
Synopsis: Based on the actual case files of one of the most intriguing unsolved crimes in the nation’s history. As a serial killer terrifies the San Francisco Bay Area and taunts police with his ciphers and letters, investigators in four jurisdictions search for the murderer.

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Prognosis: Positive. Okay, come on, who is on the Robert Downey Jr. bandwagon?

Does his shit not stink that much where everyone who considers themselves a fan of film forgive all his indiscretions? Yeah, I’m in that camp.

Somehow it’s easier to look beyond drug abuse than it is if this guy was convicted of diddling 15 year-olds, his face pasted on network TV as he’s busted by Chris Hanson and Dateline NBC.

I also happen to be a wagon bander when it comes to David Fincher. Yes, PANIC ROOM was a little absurd but you can’t take away the precision that Fincher possesses when it comes to composing a shot. He’s special and there’s no way I would trade one Fincher flick for a handful of Chris Columbus’. What’s so great, then, about this trailer is that we finally are allowed to get a small taste, an effervescent smell of what is to come out of THE ZODIAC.

I absolutely love the beginning of this thing. You’ve got a majestic cityscape, the 4th of July, with fireworks all bursting in air, and you’ve got the pop-pop-pop of gunshots. People fall to their death inside their cars as the unseen assailant slowly walks away from his crime. It’s beautiful to look at as you realize this just FEELS like an important entry into Fincher’s oeuvre.

I know it would be easy to take umbrage with the heavy-handed rolling out of facts with regard to this movie’s plot, Jake G. walking into the San Fran Chronicle as someone reads herr Zodicac’s letter to the editor, confessing to the killings of a couple of teens.

The obsequious tone of the letter, eager to please with the information of who he killed but not enough to say why or who he actually is. You can actually feel the tension through the moments that follow. Even though I cannot claim to be eager at wanting to see more of Chloe Sevigny’s morose mug, it’s Jake that really pulls the weight here.

Also, and this is important to note, The Zodiac himself is wonderfully positioned here. You get a great sense for the kind of confusing terror he inflicted on the people of San Francisco; the paranoia, for one, is a great place to start and you get a palatable dollop here.

What’s more is that as we get further and further into this Jake becomes a small, yet important piece into the kind of devilry this killer possessed and how the ciphers he passed along to the papers were, in effect, notes that may or may not have been blatant pleas for someone to stop what he felt compelled to do.

The small facts of this case, the sketches of what the killer looked like, the admission that there were no usable fingerprints, the ballistics, every little portion of this case is couched to us in a way that fascinates and doesn’t bore.

“Killing is his compulsion, it is in his blood”¦”

The funk-tastic soundtrack, the eeriness of how deep Jake gets with this case and how involved in it he becomes is all cause for rejoicing because this looks like a film that hopefully sees Fincher doing what he has done best: put you in a moment that feels tense, is tense, and make you believe that you’re hip deep in it.

It can’t be worse than PANIC ROOM, right?

ANGEL-A (2007)

Director: Luc Besson
Cast:
Jamel Debbouze, Rie Rasmussen, Olivier Claverie, Gilbert Melki, Kate Nauta, Serge Riaboukine
Release: May 25, 2007
Synopsis: A man meets a woman in Paris”¦ Down-on-his-luck petty criminal Andre (Jamel Debbouze) has reached the end of his rope. Irreversibly in debt to a local gangster, with no one to turn to, his only solution is to plunge himself into the Seine. Just as he is perched to do so, a fellow bridge-jumper beats him to the water. Diving in, he saves Angela (Rie Rasmussen), a beautiful, statuesque and mysterious woman. As they pull themselves out the water, the two form a bond and venture into the streets of Paris determined to get Andre out of the hole he has found himself in. As Andre will find out, not all debts are financial, and sometimes the solutions to life¹s problems are found in the unlikeliest of places. Is Angela simply repaying Andre for his kindness, or are there other forces at work beyond his comprehension?

View Trailer:
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Prognosis: Loved Every Moment. Two things about this trailer:

1) Since it is directed by Luc Besson it gives me the chance to stump for one of his best directorial outings well before Gary “EEEEEVEERYONE!” Oldman’s performance in THE PROFESSIONAL: THE BIG BLUE. Amazing, amazing movie with a delicate score.

2) This looks like a return to good filmmaking for the man who punched me twice without asking with THE FIFTH ELEMENT, the worst film, next to THE JERKY BOYS, ever made.

This opening’s smoky, jazzy feel is undeniable. It’s like everyone involved is caught in molasses, with our protagonist calling out to God and asking Him if this is what He wants as he contemplates throwing himself off a bridge.

Beat, two beats, slowly pan over to a woman with mascara running down her face as she makes the leap before he has a chance to say “STOP.” Cymbal crash, beat, beat, beat. The woman has extricated herself from the drink and holds a lit cigarette in her hand, forget about the fact she’s drenched and how could she light a match when”¦she just looks like a woman who you’d like to treat poorly for a night. This woman makes smoking look like not such a bad thing. Nice.

Beat, beat, beat guitar slide. Not since Madonna used an air dryer to blow-dry her pits (and I really hate those things because your hands are all wet when you have to touch that metal thing and so you think that other dudes have pushed it as well and their hands were probably dirty and so you feel like your hands are still dirty even as you stand there twisting your palms over again and again) has being dried off by an appliance looked so sexy. It’s hot and not just in a Paris “Spunk Sponge” Hilton sort of way. She’s intriguing.

I love the way the cards explaining who Luc Besson is come sliding in; they’re slick looking, it’s not ostentatious and they are riding the same cool wave our players are.

“You have until midnight”

Things just get going from here as we find our protagonist hanging over the edge of the Eiffel Tower. What’s amazing is that we don’t know what this guy did or needs to do by midnight but he has our sympathy. He could be completely rotten, and we may wish for his demise when we actually see the film, but this trailer is brilliant and garnering emotional support for the man.

Now, the moment when Angela is spreading her legs in a way that Sharon Stone only wish she could have done well? That’s when I am on board for this train. I don’t know how this fits into the narrative but the moment here in the trailer is spot-on as we glide away from here and get a better understanding of how Angela is going to help our threatened man from getting whacked. The shot of her head as the shot is layered with it seemingly attached to a headless statue of, ta-da, an angel is a nice touch.

These two share a few moments together as they make their way through this landscape, sharing a few laughs, getting stopped by thugs with machine guns, but you’ve got to catch this one moment in the trailer where they kiss. It feels so right but Angela’s eyes flash up at us and it looks like those vampire eyes so reminiscent in films right before they devour their prey. I so do not know what to make of this and why it looks so macabre but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it would be pretty sweet if she did take a nip out of his jugular.

So many unanswered questions about this film remain at the end of this thing but I am delighted that’s the case because this movie looks ripe for viewing completely cold; the trailer does just enough to sketch the outline and now all that’s left is to see how it all fills in.

Wonderful trailer.

Weekend Shopping Guide 2/23/07: Bulls**t

Filed under: Shopping Guides — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:24 am

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The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

Even after 30 topics – ranging from PETA to the Bible – Penn & Teller have still not run out of topics for their gloriously skeptical debunk-a-thon Bullshit! (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP), adding another 10 targets to their hit list in the 3-disc fourth season collection. This time around, they set their sites on the Boy Scouts, prostitution, the death penalty, Ground Zero, pet love, reparations, manners, abstinence, cryptozoology, and the myth of the import of numbers in our spin-heavy society. Even though there’s not a single bonus feature to be found (unlike the bonus-heavy first season set), console yourself with the news that a fifth season begins airing in the near future.

Even at 2 hours, I found myself desperately wanting more stories, anecdotes, and rare footage from the excellent documentary The Second City: First Family of Comedy (Acorn, Not Rated, DVD-$24.99 SRP). Hosted by alums Dave Thomas, Scott Thompson, and Joe Flaherty, it features recollections from many who got their start treading the Second City boards, including Dan Aykroyd, Martin Short, Catherine O’Hara, Tina Fey, Mike Myers, Harold Ramis, Ryan Stiles, and many more. Bonus materials include extended interview segments. A must-see for any comedy fan.

If The Illusionist was turn-of-the-century magician drama as Masterpiece Theater entry, than Christopher Nolan’s The Prestige (Touchstone, Rated PG-13, DVD-$29.99 SRP) is a modern crowd pleaser of a flick. The plot, in a nutshell, involves the dangerously escalating rivalry between a pair of magicians (Christian Bale & High Jackman) after a trick gone wrong kills their act’s assistant, Jackman’s wife. What follows is a twisted path of bitterness, revenge, and one-upsmanship that includes Michael Caine, Scarlett Johansson, Andy Serkis, Ricky Jay, and David Bowie as Nikola Tesla. How can you not want to see that? Bonus features include a multi-part behind-the-scenes documentary and an art gallery.

Strike another “Why the heck isn’t it on DVD yet?” title from the list, as the first season of Family Ties (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$38.99 SRP) finally makes its way onto the little shiny discs. The 4-disc set features all 22 episodes in quite good condition (better than those hoary syndication prints we’ve been subjected to for years), but there are zero bonus features for fans… Not even a paint-by-numbers featurette.

Going all the way back to its founding a few years back, I’ve been banging the drum about all the amazing, must-have collectibles that former animator Tracy Mark Lee’s Electric Tiki design studio has been putting out largely as a mom & pop operation. In most excellent new, though, Electric Tiki has now partnered with Sideshow Collectibles, which throws an incredible amount of awareness and distribution muscle behind EC’s already-great releases. This week, I wanted to show off their trio of Woody Woodpecker “Teeny Weeny mini-maquette” releases. Each of the three maquettes represent a different period in Woody’s design history – 1940, 1947, and the modern 1950’s version ($69.99 SRP for 1947/1950, $74.99 for 1940). All three are beautifully designed by Tracy Mark Lee and sculpted by Ruben Procopio. Both the 1947 and 1950’s version are limited to an edition size of 500 pieces, while the retro version is a quite exclusive run of only 250. Get these while you can – you’ll regret it if you don’t.

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It was rather a foolish notion, in 1950 – shortly after vinyl LPs revolutionized the music industry – for an independent music label to dare challenge the entrenched majors; Capitol, Decca, Columbia, and RCA. But a tiny label did mount a challenge, and it went by the name of Elektra. Starting as a label that fully embraced the emerging folk movement with artists such as Judy Collins and Fred Neil and eventually becoming home to the likes of The Doors, Eric Clapton, and The Stooges, Elektra’s storied history is celebrated in the 5-disc Forever Changing – The Golden Age of Elektra Records: 1963-1973 (Rhino, $69.98 SRP). Featuring over 100 tracks spanning that entire period, including some rarely heard tunes, it’s a glorious overview of an iconic little indie that could.

Beyond the issues of free speech and the fallout of singer Natalie Maines’s impromptu criticism of George Bush at a London concert on the eve of the war in Iraq, the documentary chronicling the Dixie Chicks’s journey from red state country stars to red state pariahs and to even greater success post-brouhaha, Shut Up & Sing (Genius, Rated R, DVD-$28.95 SRP), is an even more engaging portrait of PR damage control in this age of media saturation. Pushed and pulled by flacks eager to minimize the damage of Maines’s comment and steer her towards disowning it, it’s wonderful to see the trio eventually come around to the realization that it’s more important to be honest and straightforward with the public and themselves, emerging as a reenergized group of artists in the process. My only question, though, is where are the bonus features?

After their successful formula bore very funny fruit with Waiting For Guffman, Best In Show, and A Mighty Wind, I was eager to see if Chris Guest and Eugene Levy could shine their absurd mockumentary spotlight on the movie industry as brilliantly as they had tackled their previous subjects. Sadly, though enjoyable, there’s just something not quite right with For Your Consideration (Warner Bros., Rated PG-13, DVD-$27.98 SRP), about a small indie film whose status – and the egos of the actors, director, producers, and studio involved – goes suddenly off the chart as soon as the “O” word (Oscar!) is mentioned. It’s almost as if Guest & Co. are too close to the subject matter to be as objective as they have in their previous flicks. It’s a shame, because there really is a need for the movie industry equivalent of Spinal Tap. Bonus features include an audio commentary with Guest & Levy, additional scenes, a poster gallery for the fictional film Home for Purim, and the theatrical trailer.

On the surface, A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints (First Look, Rated R, DVD-$26.99 SRP) is like any other “return to the old neighborhood” flick – you’ve got the guys that got out, and the ones that weren’t so lucky, or smart. So it goes when Dito (Robert Downey, Jr.) returns after 15 years to his old stomping grounds in Astoria, Queens when his father (Chazz Palminteri) falls ill – and finds many of the ghosts he’s left behind still waiting. Bonus features include an audio commentary, deleted scenes, a making-of documentary, and more.

Back to the vaults now for a quartet of knucklehead classics with The Three Stooges: Hapless Half-Wits (Sony, Not Rated DVD-$24.95 SRP). Fully restored and presented in both glorious black & white and colorized, the disc features two rarely seen Curly classics (“Beer Barrel Polecats” and the follow up to “You Nazty Spy,” “I’ll Never Heil Again”), plus a pair of Shemp-isodes (“Dopey Dics” and “Brideless Groom”). When are we finally going to get our all-out Stooges box-sets?

Of all the remastered, expanded Electric Light Orchestra releases coming down the pike in the last year, the one I was most looking forward to was Out Of The Blue (Sony Legacy, $11.98 SRP). Happily, it doesn’t disappoint in the least, featuring clear, crisp sound and one of my favorite songs of all time, “Mr. Blue Sky” (which sounds absolutely fab here). There are a trio of previously unreleased bonus tracks to round out the disc.

The witchy adventures of the sorcerous Halliwell sisters is nearing its conclusion with the arrival of the seventh, penultimate season of Charmed (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$49.99 SRP). Not only does the trio become bickering teenagers, but also get slapped with an aging curse (forcing them to find the Fountain of Youth), lose their powers, get inhabited by ancient Indian gods, encounter Lady Godiva, try to keep Pandora’s Box sealed, go head-to-head with an evil 25-year-old Wyatt, and wind up the season sacrificing themselves. The 6-disc box set features all 22 episodes, but nary an extra.

The adventures of the Seaview continue in the second volume of the second season of Irwin Allen’s Voyage To The Bottom of The Sea (Fox, Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP). There’s ghosts, U-boats, dinosaurs, fire in the sky, and much more to keep the crew on their toes. The 3-disc set (double-sided crap discs from Fox again – thanks, guys!) features interviews with David Hedison and still galleries.

Jumping into the catalogue game, Fox has released a 4-film set celebrating one of Hollywood’s best-loved actresses of the 30’s and 40’s. The Alice Faye Collection (Fox, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP) contains remastered editions of Lillian Russell, On The Avenue, That Night In Rio, and The Gang’s All Here. Bonus features include deleted scenes, documentary featurettes, audio features, and more.

Based on the new soundtrack album alone, I’m more than intrigued to see the new production of Stephen Sondheim’s Company (Nonesuch, $20.98 SRP), whose swinging, untethered lech of a leading man I thought would be moored in the 70’s ethos that spawned it. The songs still stand up, and here’s hoping the production does as well.

Peter Lorre returns as J.P. Marquand’s Japanese detective Mr. Moto in the second Mr. Moto Collection (Fox, Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP), containing Mr. Moto In Danger, Mr. Moto’s Gamble, Mr. Moto’s Last Warning, and Mr. Moto Takes A Vacation. Bonus features include interviews, featurettes, restoration comparisons, and the feature The Return of Mr. Moto (with commentary).

So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

-Ken Plume

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QSE News: 2/23/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:09 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

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  • In music news, the five people left that are still waiting for the new Guns N’ Roses album will have to wait a little longer. To clear up the mystery surrounding the continued delays, GNR front man Axl Rose released a statement that simply read “[EXPLETIVE DELETED] our fans.”
  • The lead villain has been cast in the upcoming fourth installment of the Rambo film franchise. The casting of an unknown actor to play the villain comes as a shock to many – but still not as big a shock as the fact that they are making another Rambo movie.
  • The band My Morning Jacket is hosting a prom for its fans. The prom will be held on two consecutive nights in Athens, GA and will have the theme of “Under the Sea.” Attendees can expect all the traditional prom amenities, including underage drinking and awkward sexual encounters.
  • Police in Upton, MA were called in to corral a 2000 pound female cow that was wandering around town.  Witnesses say that the cow became agitated and eventually rammed a police car.  After the incident, Upton police stated that it was all a big misunderstanding and no charges will be filed against Miss Rosie O’Donnell.
  • Wii, the Next Generation gaming console from Nintendo, has taken an early lead in the 2007 sales race.  In the month of January, the Wii sold over 435,000 units, which is almost twice as many as either the Playstation 3 or X-Box 360.  Insiders say that pricing has a lot to do with the sales numbers, but other factors may include video game player’s preference for playing with their own Wii.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/23/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:03 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Our good buddies at Sideshow (who’ve provided plenty of cool prizes for some of our Quick Stop contests in the past) are giving away a signed copy of the CLERKS II DVD and the “Pillow Pants 4 Life” Inaction figure as part of their regular “Film, Food & Figure Fridays” today (Friday, 2/23)… (Thingamabob)
  • Some photos are stunning, and some are STUNNING. These are the latter… (Thingamabob)
  • I don’t agree with everything he says (partiucalry about Justice League), but he couldn’t be more right about John K. … (Thingamabob)
  • Another Rube Goldberg-inspired boredom alleviator… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 22, 2007

The Fred Hembeck Show: Episode 92 – Peter Parker’s Pecker Problem

Filed under: The Fred Hembeck Show — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:49 am

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Now, while I can’t honestly say I’ve actually READ the comic in question – I haven’t really kept up on what my ol’ pal Spidey’s been doing for quite awhile now – but when I stumbled across this news while surfing the net (via Tom the Dog’s You Know What I Like blog, which in turn provided a link to a detailed review by Graeme McMillan of Spider-Man: Reign #3, offering more than enough evidence that it was Peter Parker’s pecker that indeed did in his missus in this misguided mini), I was stunned, absolutely stunned!

Initially, I mistakenly believed that this plot twist (or more to the point, twisted plot…) took place in mainstream Spider-Man continuity, but after deciding to do a little research before going off half-cocked (such as it were), I discovered otherwise. As these curious events occurred during the course of a gussied up imaginary story, this considerably queasy notion somehow left a slightly less bitter taste in my mouth – but only slightly.

Y’know, I haven’t really stayed up to date with the adventures of a certain Man of Steel either – anybody out there know if DC’s ever gotten around to publishing that oft-speculated tale in with the lusty Kryptonian annihilates bride Lois during the throes of a Super-orgasm? If not, well, hey – after Marvel having just thrown down the gauntlet, it shouldn’t be too long now, should it?

(And as I see how the Archie folks are coming out with their own version of Civil War, one can only imagine what THEIR take on all this would look like!!…)

Hembeck.com welcomes Jugheads and Big Mooses of the world alike!

-Copyright 2007 Fred Hembeck

Music For The Masses: 2/21/07

Filed under: Columns,Music for the Masses — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:49 am
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Hello, friends, and welcome back to Music for the Masses or, as I like to call it, “Sex for your Eyes and Ears ©.” This week, we bang heads with the upcoming release, Alpha, from SevenDust, my uncle Nigel reviews the latest from Bloc Party and Double A “Razah’s” some hell with”¦umm”¦Hell Razah. Sound like fun? Well…as per usual…what do you say we find out?

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Sevendust

Album: Alpha

Sounds like: The inner soundtrack Brittany had playing in her head while she shaved her melon to match her va-jay.

I’ll admit”¦there are few things that I can say with absolute authority, but believe me when I tell you this is one of them…heavy metal music is NOT the music of seduction. I’m serious. Trust me on this one, kids. You can light all the candles you want, spritz a little “smell good” on your junk and drop rose petals on the bed to get your lady in the mood, but if you decide to throw on a little Sepultura as your “Music to Fuck To,” there ain’t a chick alive that’ll let you pile drive her”¦I don’t care HOW much you’ve paid her.

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LaTisha DOES NOT like Sepultura… I have the bruises to prove it.

You see, it appears that most ladies, by which I mean those without SERIOUS “daddy issues,” don’t dig the “heavy metal.” I know. Go figure!! But apparently it has something to do with being “too aggressive, “too loud” and “BLAH BLAH BLAH”¦for their tastes.” Whatever. Honestly? I totally just tuned out and kicked on Sports Center. But seriously”¦chicks, honeys, babies”¦I can’t relate to why you don’t dig metal. After all, haven’t you ever wanted to get psyched up for something? You can’t HONESTLY tell me you’ve never had a big game where you needed to squeeze a little extra juice in the tank, can you? Hmm? Never tried to get your Tri-Delt sisters jazzed up to knock over the local scrap-booking store? No? Never thought about driving 900 miles wearing nothing but a diaper to have a little chat with your make-believe boyfriend’s actual girlfriend? AH! See. . .NOW I got you thinking…

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“I swear, your honor, I was just going to use the mallet to knock the pepper spray out of her eyes.”

But here’s the kicker, ladies, if you’re shunning metal merely because you view it as “dude-centric©,” you shun the chance of stumbling upon a great, fist-pumping disc like Sevendust’s sixth studio release, Alpha. Again, you like that segue? Took a while, but we got there, baby. We got there. Damn straight.

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For you fans of the band, and you know who you are, you’ll be happy to know that Alpha marks a return to “nut punching” form, so to speak, for Atlanta’s Sevendust. If you’ve lost touch with this band over the last couple of”¦umm…albums, you might be a bit discouraged to hear that the band is still focusing on melody above all else. However, this time out, that melody has been tempered with an aggressive instrumentation that hasn’t been heard since the band’s earliest works. Put it this way, Alpha sounds as if it could have easily been the follow-up to the band’s first, self-titled disc”¦not it’s sixth studio release. And no, chuckle nuts, I don’t mean that in a bad way. In fact, congratulations, gentlemen! I’m putting you back into my nightly prayers. Yep. Each and every night, from here on out, before I go off to bed/pleasure myself to the local weather lady, I’m going to say a prayer to the baby Jesus and thank him for metal bands like you.

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Kathy Sabine: local weather lady and post-masturbatory sleep aid.

The guitar interplay between old-pro John Connolly and relative-newcomer Sonny Mayo was impressive on the last disc, but here, it is both subtle and forceful. Furthermore, singer Lajon Witherspoon addresses each track with a vocal attack that is nothing short of impressive. Couple these elements with the solid rhythmical performances of drummer/vocalist Morgan Rose and bassist Vince Hornsby and you have yourself one, tight, driving and damn impressive disc. For those of you taking notes, personal favorites here include the melodic assault of “Under,” the slowly-building intensity of “Feed” and the raucous romp of ‘Suffer.” Check out the tracks “Driven” and the George Lucas-loving “Deathstar” over at their MySpace page now!

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Seriously, friends, if you want to explore some new, ass-lick”¦I mean, kicking, metal that doesn’t sound like it’s being sung by Linda Blair in the “Excorcist,” post possession, then, maybe, JUST maybe, this is the album for you. Again, check out that MySpace link up there and see if it tickles your ‘taint. If you are sitting there right now thinking “Ewww, metal!!” or “Linda who?,” well then, I’m afraid that I’m just going to have to ask you to kindly”¦

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Alpha hits stores on March 6th.

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I know absolutely nothing about the artist Hell Razah. Nothing. Well, that’s not completely true. I do know that he had a song on the Wu-Tang album I reviewed last week. But that’s about it. Oh yeah, and I do know that the song he contributed to the aforementioned Wu-Tang album, “Masked Avengers,” was one of the weakest tracks on the disc. So why did I pick up an entire album buy this guy? I don’t know. Call it a sick pleasure. You know, it’s like when you see a fat girl, or guy, bend over and you see the crack of their ass. You don’t want to look, but you can’t help it. Sometimes the temptation is just too damn strong. Thats why I picked up this album. And besides, M.C. asked me to review something. Fucker.

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Hell Razah’s album The Renaissance Child is not a good album despite the fact that it had such promise. I’m of the mind that the Wu-Tang Clan know what they are doing, and when they endorse an artist, that artist should be pretty good. And when on your first solo CD you bring in the likes of Talib Kweli and MF Doom, that says something to me. It says “Double A, two of your favorite rappers signed on for this project, it’s gotta be good. Now, go get me some cookies.” But alas, the whole album falls short. But it isn’t for lack of trying. Hell Razah actually has a good voice and a great flow. He just needs a little help with the lyrics and the beats.

There are a few bright spots on this album, specifically “Project Jazz” which features Kweli and Viktor Vaughn (MF Doom) and is produced by Doom. This song is outstanding. I would even be so inclined to throw out the word fan-fucking-tastic to describe it. But, of course, I may be a little biased as every song I’ve heard that Doom has had a hand in I think is great. Another good song is “Smoking Gunnz.”

Like I said, this album isn’t that great but there are a few songs here and there that are ok, and one that is outstanding. What this album does do is show is a LOT of potential in our little Hell Razah. He’s in the big time now, and he can only get better.

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REVIEWS BY…

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Sir Nigel Tufgren Bell, esq.
Englishman

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Well it’s about bloody time that blinkered sod M.C. got off his arse and asked me to do a review for him. Let’s face it, everyone knows that we Brits have the best taste in music out of all the people on this planet. Where did the Beatles come from? Bloody right, England. I could go on, naming all of the ace groups to come out of England but you Yanks wouldn’t know half of them. Barbarians, I say! I thank God, the C and E and the Queen Mother daily that you lot are no longer one of our colonies!

American music is complete bollocks. Pants. Makes me right dicky, Except, of course, for that Carrie Underwood. What a fit bird, cor blimey!! Course, I’d tell her right off to belt up if she fancies a bang, but, ahh, what I would do to her fanny! Then I’d flip her arse over tits and Bob’s your uncle!

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But I’m not here to chin wag about Miss Underwood’s pleasures or your soddin’ music. I’m here to waffle about Bloc Party’s newest CD, A Weekend In The City. All I’ve got to say about this disc is it’s bloody epic! Kicked me right in the goolies, it did. These lads from East London are ace and A Weekend In The City is easily one of the most smashing CDs released so far this year. And no, I haven’t gone potty.

In fact, I had a butchers at these guys a year or so ago at the Lyric and they were cracking. The show was the dog’s bollocks! The sound was stonking, the crowd was full of beans and I was chuffed that the boys closed the show with “Helicopter” from their first CD. And the best part was I got totally pissed and barely made it back to my flat before I honked.

As I said, this CD is blinding. Luvvly-jubbly. The lads had the bottle to expand their sound, away from the carriage house feel of their first disc. They added some orchestration, synths and even a little chorus for those benders out there and the whole thing could easily have gone pear shaped. But it didn’t. The song “Uniform” is pukka and is my absolute fave. However, there are no downers to this CD; the whole thing is brill.

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All that said, you Yanks won’t shine to it because you’re all off your trolley. But I won’t hold it against you. Now, I WOULD fancy holding me todger against Miss Underwood”¦ but that is a tale for another day. So, if you’re ever in England, give us a bell but right now I need to go spend a penny. God save the Queen!!

Rating: 5 out of 5

UPCOMING RELEASES”¦ 2/27/07

ARTIST TITLE GENRE
B.G. & THE CHOPPER CITY BOYZ We Got This RAP
BLUE FRINGE The Whole World Lit Up ROCK
CANON Wide Awake ROCK
DEAN AND BRITTA Back Numbers POP
DO MAKE SAY THINK You, You’re A History In Rust ROCK
MAC DRE & E.B. DADDY OF THE HOOD Rompalation: Thugs Of Honor RAP
MIKA Life In Cartoon Motion POP
MR. KEE Seldom Seen RAP
SLIM THUG W/ THE BOSS HOGG OUTLAWZ Serve & Collect RAP
SNOWGOONS German Lugers RAP
TEMPLE OF BRUTALITY Lethal Agenda METAL
WALL, PAUL Break ’em Off RAP
WERTZ, MATT Everything In Between N/A
WILLARD GRANT CONSPIRACY Let It Roll N/A
WINTERPILLS The Light Divides POP

Well, there you have it friends… another one in the bank. Until next week, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud.

Send pictures of your local weather lady, review copies, hate mail and assorted presents to:

M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

QSE News: 2/22/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:56 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

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  • Michael Jackson is being sued on claims that his interference was the cause of a woman’s death. The family of the woman claims the hospital moved the gravely ill patient to another part of the hospital because Jackson was admitted and needed the room – thereby contributing to her passing. We at QSE offer our condolences to the family of the woman but at the same time ask what she was doing staying in the children’s ward of the hospital.
  • It’s reported that Britney Spears has left a rehab clinic after just 24 hours at the facility. Friends and family are surprised by Spears’s self-checkout from the clinic, stating that she “usually commits to something for the long term and never just gives up on stuff.”
  • It’s safe to say that Paul McCartney will not be watching the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars. Representatives for ABC announced the lineup of stars for the new season and included on the list is McCartney’s money-grubbing ex, Heather Mills. While nothing is official, insiders say that Mills will concentrate on Hip Hop dancing and has even selected the song “One Leg Up” by rapper Half Pint as her first dance number.
  • David Lee Roth will not be reuniting with the Van Halen family after all. According to tour promoters, the reunion tour will not be happening. When asked for comment Eddie Van Halen said “Man, I… damn. I was just… it’s just there was… not on Thursday man. I’m tellin’ you… [EXPLETIVE DELETED] coke man… so that’s where we’re at. I wanted… yeah… [EXPLETIVE DELETED] Roth can’t… man!”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/22/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:11 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Check out the very quickly abandoned TV redesign of Mickey Mouse in this 1995 Nash commercial… (Thingamabob)
  • The great Harry Chapin… “It was rainin’ hard, in ‘frisco”… (Thingamabob)
  • Randy Newman has gone to YouTube and does what Randy Newman always does, brilliantly… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 21, 2007

Noctural Admissions: Movie Review – Ghost Rider

Filed under: Columns,Nocturnal Admissions,Reviews — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:01 am
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Is Ghost Rider really an adaptation of the popular Marvel comic character? If it were, wouldn’t it contain at least some components of the comic’s 200-or-so-issue heritage, rather than consist of an anthology of modern superhero film tics and predictable plot situations?

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The movie’s Ghost Rider is Johnny Blaze (Nicolas Cage), who as a youth (Matt Long, a Tom Cruise clone) in a traveling daredevil carnival show makes a deal with the devil (Peter Fonda, hammily channeling David Carradine from Kill Bill) to save the life of his father (Brett Cullen). Naturally, there is a loop hole. Years later, Satan returns to call in his chit, which requires that as night falls, Johnny becomes the Ghost Rider, a bounty hunter sent out to retrieve those apparitions who have escape hell’s circles, specifically, one Blackheart (Wes Bentley, made up to look like Pugsley), who is rounding up other souls, or “ž whatever. This proves awkward, because by now Johnny has become a world famous stunt rider in the mode of Evel Knievel, able to take risks because thanks to Satan’s contract, and like the cheerleader herself, he cannot be harmed. Also, Johnny has just been reunited with the love of his life, Roxanne (Eva Mendes).

The history of the comic book character is complex. He may appear new, but in fact he was a character in Tim Holt comics from the early 1950s resurrected by Marvel as a cowboy comic hero in 1967 when the original trademark ownership lapsed. After then he was changed even more, the short-lived seven-issue cowboy comic eventually giving way to the new, horror-inflected character when Marvel went Goth in the early 1970s (and then there was a re-imagined line of Ghost Rider comics starting in 1990).

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Out of all those comic books, there must have been at least one or two iconic, definitive tales that could bear adaptation. But as with almost all the Marvel adaptations in the last several years, not to mention what’s done in Batman and Superman movies, the comics are more or less ignored in favor of familiar big bang blockbuster movie tropes, which Hollywood seems to think the public wants more than accurate adaptations. And they may be right, since Ghost Rider made over 50 million its opening weekend. This is why Alan Moore is always peeved at what is done to his books, and why we Moore acolytes pray that there is never a movie adaptation of Watchmen (though we might be willing to accept an HBO mini series). But even without too much of the comic’s iconography the filmmakers still had potentially interesting material, since there aren’t that many devil pact movies (there’s Crossroads and Bedazzled, and only a few others).

But then, almost all movies today are cartoons. There are almost all animation, with the actors performing either before a green screen or wearing the swaddling clothes of green screen material. It’s a Photoshop World where we can’t believe anything in it.

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Essentially a werewolf story in misdirecting garb Ghost Rider depends for its success on our affection for its title character. Blaze is a reluctant hero with quirks, among them a fixation on an old love. Eventually, that love will be held hostage, so that he must save her (and the world), only, then, to take on the world’s burdens and abandon her yet again. It’s an “origin” story, too, so there is a great deal of sluggish engine grinding which puts the audience about two scenes ahead of the filmmakers at every turn. It all takes place in a dingy world of back alleys and tour busses.

Blaze is a loner surrounded by men who admire him. He watches a lot of TV, especially a show in which a monkey does karate. Blaze cackles over it with an instantaneousness that rivals Mel Gibson’s affection for the Three Stooges in Lethal Weapon. Blaze also likes the Carpenters (even though the love of his life is named Roxanne; shouldn’t he be playing the Police?). He talks to himself in the mirror a like, like Mark Wahlberg in Boogie Nights, and sounds and points like Elvis, even confessing to a desire to become a police officer when he retires from his current carney ways. He drinks coffee out of the pot.

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But for an action hero he’s not particularly active. For the first hour and ten minutes he comes to “know” his new self, under the mentorship of a predecessor (Sam Elliott). Even then, he only dispenses with about two deadly spirits, and drives around a bit on his flame dispensing motorcycle.

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The villains have pale faces and wear long black leather dusters. Though the music score hints occasionally at Morricone, the film as a whole doesn’t take the cue and go full bore spaghetti western. Villain Blackheart goes looking for colleagues in a biker bar (like the Terminator), then illogically meets up with Mephistopheles, then looks for a graveyard, all along the way killing people who are actually quite helpful. When he absorbs the spirits of others, they enter his body through his mouth. The final battle scene is as boring as we have come to expect from such films, and when the villain dies it is via an intangible, fake, unconvincing pain that makes him writhe orgasmically but you don’t know why, you don’t know what GR actually did to him, given how boringly ineffective the film makes his powers. It’s all a terrible waste.

QSE News: 2/21/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:58 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

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  • Goodfellas actor Ray Liotta was busted this weekend on suspicion of driving while intoxicated.  With all of the non-traditional advertising for movies going on, studio executives remain non-plussed and are now planning to have Liotta wear a special orange jumpsuit emblazoned with an ad for the star’s new movie, Wild Hogs, while he picks up garbage along some of LA’s busiest highways.
  • The British band Bloc Party stopped a concert after lead singer Kele Okereke was hit with a coin thrown by an audience member. After Okereke was checked out and deemed fit to continue, the band did return to finish the concert with no further issues. After the concert the band released a statement saying “Look, if you are going to throw stuff at us, throw naked women.”
  • DC Comics has announced that they will follow up its hugely successful weekly series 52 with another weekly called Countdown.  When news of the pending series hit, stock prices for Frito Lay and Pepsi Cola plummeted as many investors speculated that geek money will now be spent on the upcoming weekly and not on the traditional geek dietary staples of Cheetos and Mountain Dew.
  • And finally, file this one under “It’s About Damn Time.”  NBC has finally shot the dying dog that is Studio 60, announcing late Monday that drama will not be returning to its Monday night slot – or any slot, for that mater.  NBC is expecting to field numerous calls from angry viewers demanding that “they not cancel the show because we absolutely ADORE Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin.”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/21/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:51 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • This feels like a “We’re Talkin’ Softball” kind of day… (Thingamabob)
  • A taste of Louis Theroux’s exploration of the UFO subculture… (Thingamabob)
  • Okay, this is hands-down the creepiest thing I’ve heard today… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

##

February 20, 2007

Toy Box: Jabba’s Throne

Filed under: Columns,Toy Box — admin @ 8:46 pm
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Jabba the Hutt is one bad mamma jamma. Oh, Lucas tried to ruin the character by adding in that ridiculous scene at the hanger, turning him briefly into a whiny bitch, willing to leg that poor white trash Solo step on his tail without repercussion. But some of us can still remember him fondly as the disgusting, bloated, stinky and dangerous crime lord.

While Jabba didn’t have all that much screen time, he was the center piece of two of the best loved sequences in all the films, first when Luke arrives to speak with him and then goes on to battle the Rancor, and then again on the barge in the sequence that spelled doom for so many, including Jabba and Fett. These two sequences produced so many unforgettable scenes – dancing slave girls, the terrific Rancor, Han in carbonite and Leia in her brass bra… and Jabba was at the center of it all.

Therefore it’s no surprise that he’s been a regular in the action figure and statue world. Now Sideshow is releasing a huge sixth scale version of both The Hutt and his impressive throne (or dais). I’m going to review Jabba and his throne separately, because that’s how you buy them from Sideshow, and you might – for some bizarre reason – only want one or the other. I’ll be covering the throne here at QSE, with my review of Jabba going up later today at MROTW.

Jabba’s Throne”

Jabba’s Throne was sold as a regular release, but in the U.S. was available only through Sideshow’s website. The edition size is 4200, and the cost was $199.

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Packaging – ***
The throne comes in a large box – a very large box. There’s some very simple photos on the exterior of the prototype version, with a little text. There’s the edition number on the base, but although this is a ‘Sideshow site exclusive’, there’s no exclusive sticker on the front. The base is packed quite safely inside, but getting it out isn’t as huge a nightmare as say, the Premium Format Mummy.

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Sculpting – ****
The throne is made out of polystone, with some metal, rubber and other goodies thrown in for fun. The website estimates the weight at 20 lbs, which is probably a bit more than it actually is, but it’s damn close. This is one big, honkin’ display. It is about 17″ deep and 29″ wide, with plenty of room to fit Jabba, Salacious Crumb, and even Bib Fortuna. The actual throne is about 13″ tall if you measure up to the height of the hooka bowl.

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I’ve learned through years of reviewing figures that it’s almost impossible to give someone a feel for how large the truly large collectibles are. No matter what you photograph them with, including people, it doesn’t really impress the sheer volume they take up. That’s what this throne (and the companion Jabba) are like. Until you have this thing in your hands, you won’t be able to process just how big it really is.

But I’ll tell you anyway – it’s huge. This is a centerpiece of the collection sort of thing, the type of item that would look great in a museum and even better in your home theater.

The throne sports a beautiful sculpt. The rocky lower base has perfect texturing, giving the appearance of actual stone blocks with grout lines in between. The single eyed gargoyle serpents around the front (six in all) have the texture and appearance of metal, and have real metal rings in their mouths. The rail behind the base is more smooth than the base, but has enough texture to appear as carved stone. On top of the rail, hidden by the hooka from anyone standing in front of Jabba, is the small control panel that can open the trap door to the Rancor. There are actually a couple buttons – perhaps one of them releases the hounds.

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The hooka and bowl have the most intricate of the small details, but these are a tad softer than I had expected. It looks like the original prototype sculpt was quite intricate, but that some of this detail was lost in the manufacturing process. The hooka bowl on top is a hard plastic, with the clear ‘food’ bowl underneath. There’s a couple little tasty treats down inside the nasty looking liquid in this bowl as well.

The hooka pipe is connected to the bowl with a PVC tube. It is quite sturdy, and is less likely to wear or break than cheaper alternatives. That also means that it is tough to straighten it out though, once folded up inside the box. It will take some time for it to return to a more relaxed look.

I do wish that they had some sort of added hook for the pipe itself to attach. If Jabba isn’t holding it, you end up hooking it on the bowl itself in a makeshift way, and while it might not be movie accurate, adding a place to attach it would have made the diorama more attractive.

You will be putting this diorama together of course. The base has two holes for the large steel pegs on the railing, and the hooka attachs to the rail with a magnet set inside an indentation. While that’s it for assembly, you’ll probably find yourself dealing with the metal hoops quite a bit. These can fall out of the mouths or get turned at odd angles within the teeth fairly easily. To move or replace them, find the small break in the metal hoop and use that to put the hoop over the teeth. Put it over the back teeth on one side then turn the hoop until the space is on the other side and put it over those back teeth. Obviously, take some care to avoide damaging the fangs.

Paint – ***1/2
For such a large scale item, there isn’t a huge number of colors, or even a large number of small paint details. Most things are pretty broadly decorated, but it’s the subtle variations in individual colors and the shading of different areas that makes the throne so realistic in appearance.

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The paint application is clean and even, with almost no slop – at least none that’s unintentional. The gold on the hooka bowl is a little too bright and untarnished for my tastes, making the hooka look a tad more toy-ish than I expected, but it’s a pretty minor annoyance. Adding a light inside the hooka would have been great, and would have definitely justified the two hundred buck price tag.

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Articulation – Bupkis
There’s no real moving parts on this set. Oh, I suppose you could say the hooka pipe moves, but that’s not a point of articulation. Still, I had no expectation that anything would move, so this score will have no effect on my overall.

Accessories – ***
The set comes with a nice group of accessories, although I think folks will wish that some of the additional creatures that had been sold separately were actually included.

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The diorama comes with two sculpted resin pillows, that look as uncomfortable as they sound; a plate of goodies for Mr. Hutt; and a leather (and it’s real leather) ‘drape’ that can be placed anywhere you like, although most of the time it’s under Jabba’s big ass, keeping him soft and secure.

The pillow sculpts and paint work is fine, but not outstanding. Neither look too convincingly like actual pillows, although I don’t know how you could have pulled off the mangy, nasty, stained look going with the real thing. The bronze plate of food looks good, and is nicely scaled to the rest of the environment. The throw rug is made from a nice, high quality leather, but is much, much less ragged and beaten than the prototype version. There’s a feeble attempt to rough it up, and a couple holes are punched on one edge, but this is clearly a brand new throw rug that Jabba just picked up at the local Ikea.

All the best goodies for this diorama have been sold separately in two different creature packs through Sideshow. The Salacious Crumb pack included Salacious of course, along with a Goul, Wortt, Sand Skitter and Veractyl, and the Buboicullaar pack includes Bubo, a couple Womp rats and a rock wart. Several of these creatures would be right at home on Jabba’s throne, but you’ll need to shell out the extra cash to outfit it right.

Fun Factor – ***
This is clearly not a kid’s toy, but that doesn’t mean the kid in you won’t have some fun with it. It’s a ‘set up it and look at it’ sort of fun, but adults find the oddest things entertaining. The ooh’s and ahh’s from your Star Wars fan friends will be their own sort of fun.

Value – **1/2
At $200, the throne isn’t cheap. But considering the size and detail, along with a decent assortment of extras, it’s priced about right. At around $150 it would have been an easy three stars. The big issue here really isn’t the cost of the throne, it’s the cost of the complete package. I do think it was a good idea to split Jabba and the throne up for purchasing, because there will be folks that decide getting Jabba by himself is good enough. I don’t know anyone though that will be picking up just the throne, so in reality you’re looking at another $120 for the big guy.

Things to Watch Out For –
Be very careful with those metal hoops. You don’t want your poor gargoyles to be missing teeth.

Overall – ***1/2
This is a truly impressive throne for a truly disgusting character. It has a few minor issues, but this is a diorama that is very much a ‘center of the collection’ type item. Add in Bib, Jedi Luke, and Salacious Crumb, along with the upcoming Boussh Leia and Buboicullaar, and you’ll have a diorama that will rival almost anything in the collections of even the big boys.

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Scoring Recap –
Packaging – ***
Sculpt – ****
Paint – ***1/2
Articulation – Bupkis
Accessories – ***
Fun Factor – ***
Value – **1/2
Overall – ***1/2

Where to Buy –
Sideshow’s the spot – click here to head over and get on the wait list. You have other options for the regular release of Jabba as well:

Dark Figures is the only dealer I know that has the throne available outside of Sideshow. Technically, this is a Sideshow site exclusive, but Dark Figures has them listed at the full $199 as well.

CornerStoreComics has him at $101.99.

Alter Ego Comics also has him fro 101.99

– as does Amazing Toyz, who has just gotten him in stock.

– if you’re in the U.K., you can find this throne at Forbidden Planet for 140 pounds, or the Jabba for 70.

– the Salacious figure to go with the throne is just $28 right now on sale over at Dark Shadow Collectibles.

Related Links –
I’ve reviewed a ton of Star Wars 12″ figures, the the ones that go most specifically with this set are Bib Fortuna and Jedi Luke.

Party Favors: An Interview with Cathouse‘s Dennis Hof

Filed under: Columns,Interviews,Joe Corey's Party Favors — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:27 am
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dennishof.jpgCARSON CITY, NEVADA — Dennis Hof is America’s Pimpmaster General. In the course of five years he’s captivated America by inviting us to get a peek inside his Bunny Ranch brothel thanks to HBO’s Cathouse, directed by Patti Kaplan, America’s most influential filmmaker. In order to promote the fresh batch of episodes now airing, The Party Favors was given a chance to phone up Dennis Hof, Brooke Taylor and Bunny Love’s luxurious hotel suite in Manhattan.

Dennis gave me his history of the show. “It started out in 2002 as an hour documentary under the America Undercvover umbrella . It was their highest rated non-fiction show. They said ‘Oh my god, let’s do it again.’ So in 2003, the same thing. Then in 2005 we came out with the 11 week series that blew the door off all the series numbers. Last night I was with the guys from The Sopranos that do the radio show “The Wise Guys.” They said, ‘Your show equals or beats us OnDemand every week.’ Now what we’re doing is what (HBO) is calling the second season, I’m calling it the fourth. I don’t know who’s right. All I know is they’ve been shooting it for five years.

“You have a documentary, but you also have a soap opera. You got me splitting up with Sunset (Thomas), Me hooking up with the twins. And now me being with Brooke. You have Air Force Amy leaving in a huff. Now she’s coming back. You have all this craziness going on in there and it’s a business that’s operating. And it’s a bit of a porn movie. It’s everything.”

Dennis knows exactly what he’s doing in allowing the cameras to probe his life and business.

“My goal in this is twofold. Number one is promotion for my business. I am the P.T. Barnum of Booty. This what I do to promote my business. And number two: Legalization is the right thing to do. It eliminates all the exploitation. The right wingers like Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity will convince you that all working girls are underaged, ethnic, short shorts, crackpipe with a black pimp down the street. They teach you that all prostitutes have diseases and are drug addicts. Why else would they work?”

Prior to Cathouse, HBO had aired Hookers at the Point, a series of documentaries by Brent Owens about street walkers. It validated the opinions of the right wingers about “the game” as it was calling in Pimps Up, Ho’s Down.

“Here we come along,” Dennis said. “Oh wait a minute; look at these girls. They’re educated. They’re having fun. I told Sean Hannity on camera that these girls aren’t working for you at Fox News for 30 years to get a gold watch. They’re going to retire in five years with a million dollar stock portfolio and never work another day. The show changes the stigma. We invited America into our house. And they love our house.

“When I do a conservative radio show, 8 out of 10 people will call in and say “Dennis has got it right.” We’ve got to control this. I look at myself as a guy who is single handedly cleansing this vice. Look at the dirty gangsters during prohibition. Now look at Seagrams and Budweisers. Thirty years ago when I moved to Nevada, it was the dirty little secret of America. The gaming was a dirty secret. Now it’s everywhere. The biggest gaming in the world is the California lotto.

dennishof-05.jpg“My vision, my dream is to close up half the Starbucks in America and make mini-Bunny Ranch Expresses out of them. Stop by for a little tension release. Starbucks has everybody amped up on caffeine. I want to bring ’em down a notch. A guy can come out of his office, go to the Bunny Ranch Express and fifteen minutes he’s back in his office and it’s not so bad of a day for him.”

Dennis has seen a lot of changes in the industry in the years since he bought the Bunny Ranch. In the first episode of the new season, Brooke Taylor calls her mother after her first party with a paying client. Did the women called back to home to share the good news when he first started?

Dennis said, “No. Absolutely not. Fifteen years ago when I got there, these girls wouldn’t tell anybody they were working girls. All that has changed. It’s cool to be a Bunny Ranch Girl. (Brooke) called her mom. I’ve gotten to know her mom. Her mom went on the Dr. Keith Ablow show with her and talked about how when they were at Toys ‘R Us when (Brooke) told her she was going to be a hooker.

“It’s a different world now. I was a very edgy guy 15 years ago. I was a wild cowboy from Carson City Nevada. Now with the internet, (you hear about) all this craziness with dogs, goats and 12 year olds. And you have the predator series on (Dateline) NBC. You’ve got Bill Clinton trying to prove to the world that a blow job isn’t sex. I’m a pretty straight guy, now. I’m a Boy Scout, now. With the sanitizing of this business, has come better girls and better customers. Girls are proud to be here. Guys are proud to say they are customers. It’s gotten bigger and better.

While some subjects of reality shows control what makes it to the air (Gene Simmons & Hugh Hefner), Dennis isn’t overriding Patti Kaplan’s directorial decisions.

“I don’t see everything that’s on there until the finished product,” Dennis declared. “I don’t look at the dailies. I don’t care to. Whatever it is, it is. I don’t give HBO any parameters except to have fun. If something goes on that’s crazy or negative, then it goes on. I don’t try to control the content in any way shape or form. I don’t think it’s the fair thing to do for my public. You don’t want to make a fluff piece where everything is fine. Did I feel good about Air Force Amy freaking out that time and loading up all her shit? No. I didn’t like it at all. But that’s what happened. She got herself worked up. She’d been drinking. She’s an alcoholic and was back drinking. But now she’s back. The sex business is positive. There’s a lot of high energy. I don’t like negative stuff. But I don’t control it.”

Dennis enjoyed seeing the first episode of this season since it does feature his new main lady, Brooke getting her start.

Dennis gushed, “That was her first party at the Ranch that we videoed. That was amazing because she looked like a pro pornstar to me. I had to take her to the bedroom and fuck her after watching that.”

Of course the ultimate highlight of the first episode was the introduction of Tiffany, a new Bunny Ranch employee who had a strange attitude toward working as a hooker.

“The first show was kinda weird with Tiffany saying, I’m not going to line up. I’m not going to suck a cock. I can’t wait to find out what this dumb bitch does in the second show,” Dennis said.

dennishof-021.jpgBunny Love at one point had to finish up one of Tiffany’s customers since she refused to give a half and half. Bunny was taken back by the newbie’s career attitude. “It was an interesting personal choice,” Bunny said. “Some girls decide not to do anal. Some girls don’t like to do blow jobs.”

Dennis chimed in, “Can you believe that?”

Brooke had an even closer encounter with Tiffany when they shared a threesome party. Tiffany however decided that while the customer paid for the attention of two women – only Brooke was going to play. Tiffany reluctantly dropped her top and barely touched the guy on the arms.

“Tiffany is a trip,” Brooke said. “I asked Dennis, did she come in just for HBO? I thought she was completely obnoxious.” Brooke didn’t enjoy sharing a client with Tiffany in the party. “She didn’t do anything. From what the producer told me, she acted like the (client) wanted her more. He did not care about her.”

Brooke is proof of how Patti Kaplan is the most influential director in America. A few years ago, she was merely a fan of the show. She had a nice job in a nice town in middle America. She decided to step through screen and be a part of the action.

“How I found out about the Bunny Ranch was from watching Cathouse,” Brooke said. “I met Carla from the last series, when she came back to the Ranch. It was like meeting a celebrity. I’m like, do you know how many times I’ve masturbated to you? I could quote all her lines. I was a fan of the show so it was really exciting to be a part of it. To hopefully be an inspiration to other girls like they were to me.”

While many women get into the business, few have their early days documented. How did Brooke feel knowing that millions of Americans would be following her progress via HBO? “I’m type of person that if I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it full force. And that’s how I took it doing the Cathouse series. That’s why I told my family that I might as well be honest and go full force with it. Balls out, so to speak.”

The episodes were shot nearly a year ago. What does Brooke think when she sees herself arrive at the airport ready to embrace her new career? “I was completely green,” Brooke confessed. “I watched the first episode and I see how wide-eyed and innocent I was. Doing the sex scene, I was really nervous beforehand. But once I went in there, you don’t see the cameras. I had had sex before numerous times, so it took over and I just had fun with it.”

dennishof-03.jpgAlong with embracing the career, the series documents her becoming Dennis’ new girlfriend. She had never been in an open relationship, but as they approach their first anniversary, she seems very comfortable with the dynamic. “Yeah. I view people’s sexuality as an individual not as a couple. I completely understand men’s urges and desires. If they didn’t have those urges and desires, I wouldn’t be in business. Having been in this business, it helps me to have a relationship like I have with Dennis. It’s nice. I totally appreciate when I can find a hot girl and bring her home with us to share. Sharing is caring.”

A major test in the relationship occurs when Sunset Thomas returns to the Ranch to see Dennis. During the first two specials, Sunset was Dennis’ woman. Was Brooke nervous at the ex-girlfriend haunting the ranch?

“I was OK with it,” Brooke said. “I figured if Dennis had wanted to be back with Sunset, he’d be back with Sunset. HBO kinda wanted controversy, but I hope I didn’t give it to them. Sunset was very nice to me when she was there. It was awkward cause I didn’t know how she would be and she didn’t know how I would be. I think it went OK. My nerves about it came from other people. We knew she was coming in so people kept saying how do you feel about Sunset coming here? Sunset! Sunset! Sunset! Stop relax, it’s all OK. And at the end of the day, it all went fine.

“I think if it happened today, I’d have no problem. I wouldn’t have any nerves. I’m very secure with Dennis now. It was the beginning of our relationship. We were still getting to know each other. It kinda threw an imbalance in there. But I just stayed with what I knew. I knew that I was with him. I was at the Ranch. She wasn’t there. She was coming in to visit. I tried to remain as calm as possible. I think the people around me were more afraid of my reaction to her than I was.”

She has grown a lot in the year at the Ranch especially when it come to exploring her bisexuality. “My first experience with a woman was at the Bunny Ranch. Over this year, I’ve really grown to enjoy them. I’m interested in seeing how my interactions with women are on the show. I know what it is now, but I want to see the differences.”

One of the women Brooke was able to please was Isabella Soprano, America’s Sweetwhore. “I’m in love with her. She was my favorite from the first show. You’ll see me and Isabella doing some things together. We have a little fun together.”

Isabella has made a splash starring fetish films and is no longer working at the Ranch. “She came down for the show and worked a bit. She made herself some money and is raising organic vegetables now,” Dennis said. “They work and do real well. Then they’ll hook up with a guy and the first thing he wants is for her to quit working. As soon as they split up with the guy, they’re back. That’s what I envision for Isabella.”

Another fan favorite to the Ranch is Bridget the Midget. Dennis has good news for her fans. “She had a baby and is coming back to work in the next week or so.”

Unlike the first special where the room negotiations were secretly filmed, the clients in the series know about HBO’s cameras ahead of time. Only one room in the house is wired up with the hidden cameras. HBO’s folks do an amazing Candid Camera job to keep out of the way of the real performers in the room. “We don’t know where they’re located in the room,” Brooke said. “They don’t tell us where they’re at. I kept looking for them and I couldn’t find them. I’m glad they didn’t tell me where they were because it helps me to forget they are there.”

Dennis is in the process of writing a book about his business for Harper Collins. “There’s No Business like Ho Business was the title Judith Regan liked,” Dennis said. He’s now considering Pimp’n Ain’t Easy. I suggested Pimpin’ Made Easy since people want to buy a book that simplifies the process.

People always like to ask Dennis about the Potter Twins. They were his rebound girlfriends after Sunset Thomas. Dennis has warning for those that dream of such a situation. “The two of them were a handful together. You separated them and they were very normal. You couldn’t go to dinner and sit between them. It was like playing ping pong. One would say one word of a sentence with a subject and the other one would pick up a skit from Second City. And they’d go back and forth. It’d make you nuts. They’re so bright they’re silly. So that didn’t work.”

So what is next on Dennis’ carnal “to do” list? “Triplets,” Dennis said. “I’m like the Fonz. I’m looking for the Hooper triplets. You never saw them on the show. But I’m looking for the Hooper triplets.”

dennishof-04.jpgRecently the show was visited by FoxNew’s Sean Hannity for his Hannity’s America series. Dennis enjoyed tripping up the self-righteous Hannity by being a perfect host. “He’s just a fish out of water there. But he loves the place. He’s a man,” Dennis said. “He’s got Brooke and Bunny in bed. They’re wearing scantily clad nighties. He took it in the homes of America at 6:30 on a Sunday night. He stands over the bed and asks the girls “Do you believe in God.” He’s waiting for one of those answers that they back into it like “maybe” and then he’s going to rip into them. Simultaneously these girls said “No!” It was like game over. He had this deer in the headlights look that was just fucking priceless. He had no idea where to go with that. He just looked at them.”

Fans of Grizzly Adams were delighted to see Dan Haggerty conducting a wedding at the brothel. It turns out that this is not a one time thing as another Ranch nuptials is in the works. “We’re trying to confirm a date with Dan,” Dennis said. “I got him ordained. Dan is the official pastor of the Bunny Ranch.” Shame they can’t get Bozo the bear to escort the bride down the aisle for an extra fee.

With the success of the show, there’s been a lot more visitors to the Ranch. Unlike a TGIFridays that’s all about getting the customers in and out, Dennis doesn’t enforce a buy or split attitude. There’s no time limit to sitting at the bar and meeting the various women that have appeared on the show. “Some guys do come and hang out and don’t find anything that they’re interested in. Maybe they want to meet every single girl in the whole Bunny Ranch before they make their decision,” Dennis said. “The guys are very scared coming in there. You watch the show. You go online. You fly out there. The next thing you know, you’re faced with a decision of 30 or 40 gorgeous girls. The toughest NFL guy crumbles in front of the girls. ‘I gotta get a drink’ really means they need a minute to regain their composure.”

The question always comes up that on Cathouse, guys get charged $5,000 for a fun time. And on Brent Owens’ Hookers at the Point films, we see guys have sex with skanky street walkers for $50. I ask Dennis if HBO will ever give us a show that allows a guy to have sex without losing the kid’s college fund or bringing home an STD for the wife? Where are the clean hookers for the middle class budget?

“The reality is this, you’re going to see a thousand guys spend $200 to $600 at the Bunny Ranch before one guy drops twenty five grand,” Dennis said. “It’s better television showing the big parties. That’s what HBO does to us. It’s almost like you’re fishing for whales. We had a guy a couple weeks ago drop $200,000. We had a guy who came in when the first series aired that spent a $1.7 million. He never left the place. It’s a free market. The girls are negotiable. They’re there to make money. Do they want guys to steal any booty from them? No. The guy needs to pay a fair amount. You come to the Ranch, come in there clean, have a good time, make the girls laugh, buy a couple drinks and your money will go a long way in the room.

“Even if you don’t want to have sex, partying with these girls is amazing. They’re beautiful. They’re young. They’re vibrant. They’re hot. They’re skilled. And they’re nasty. That’s wonderful. Sitting around the ranch having cocktails with 30 girls running around in g-strings – priceless.”

It was then that Dennis let me in on a secret. “The guys who spend the big big money, it’s not about sex. Bunny has a guy who spends $30,000 a time, tell him what the party consists of.” Bunny continued, “It consists of just hanging out, watching cartoons, going out for dinner and room service. He never watched cartoons before in his life until he met me.” There is a man willing to pay $30,000 to watch Adult Swim with Bunny. Dana Snyder is the voice of seduction?

Cathouse The Series is currently airing on HBO. I’m not sure of the time, but it’s on around the clock if you have HBO OnDemand. If you’re interested in visiting the Bunny Ranch, it’s located in Carson City – not Las Vegas. Carson City is about twenty minutes between Tahoe and Reno. Tell Dennis you’re a friend of the “Party Favors” and you’ll get an extra olive in your drink.

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QSE News: 2/20/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:39 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgJennifer Lopez and her husband Marc Anthony are reportedly looking into Scientology. Sources close to the couple report that Lopez has been looking for a religion that better suits her need for acting like a totally rotten and spoiled bitch. “Yeah,” the source said, “Jen has been really impressed how the religion has helped other Divas… like Cruise and Travolta.”
  • Actor Sylvester Stalone was recently detained at a Sydney airport when officials found prohibited items in his luggage.  While no official reports have been released, QSE News has learned that Stalone had “dangerous and potentially toxic” objects tucked into his carry on.  The “dangerous” item was apparently, a pocket knife, and we are just assuming that the “toxic” object is an advanced DVD of Stalone’s film Rocky Balboa.
  • Rapper Foxy Brown has been arrested for battery after an altercation with a New York beauty salon owner.  According to reports, Brown spit on the owner when he asked Brown to leave his salon.  Brown defended her actions saying that the owner was rude and called her “a talent-less, nappy ho.” Brown continued saying “no one gets away with calling her that.”  We here at QSE News completely disagree”¦ we’ve been getting away with calling her that for years.
  • XM Satellite Radio Holdings Inc. and Sirius Satellite Radio are in negotiations to merge, a move that would combine the two companies into a single giant satellite radio provider. Along with combined assets, a merger between the two companies would guarantee at least 25 more Howard Stern channels and 100 other channels containing crap that no one listens to.
  • A collection of original printings of John Steinbeck novels has sold at auction for over $200,000 – including a copy of “The Grapes of Wrath” which sold for $47,800.  The news has polarized students and teachers with teachers being “tickled pink” and students “extremely [EXPLETIVE DELETED] pissed that they have to read this crap over the new one from Stephen King.”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/20/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:35 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • You’ve seen the new Simpsons movie trailer, right? (Thingamabob)
  • In honor of Daniel Radcliffe’s turn in Equus, here’s the Nestle MilkyBar kid… (Thingamabob)
  • Go behind the scenes of all your favorite Disneyland rides courtesy of the DVDs from the fine folks at the Extinct Attractions Club… (Thingamabob)
  • Did you know that songwriter Charles Strouse originally used the tune that would eventually become the song “Tomorrow” in the musical Annie for a short film advertising the Arrow Shirt Company? Click here and be weirded out by Bizarro-“Tomorrow”… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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