FRED Entertainment

May 31, 2006

Music for the Masses

Filed under: Music for the Masses — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:48 pm

May 31st, 2006

By M.C. Bell

Welcome back, friends! Hope you’re all doing well. Me? I’m doing great and thanks for asking. But I gotta tell you, like many of you out there, I am still recovering from that emotional roller coaster ride that ended last week. I mean, whoa. . .I’m tearing up just thinking about it. How cool, nay, how inspiring was it to see a mentally retarded young man chase his dreams and reach the pinnacle of success? That’s a rhetorical question, of course, because it was damn cool. Damn inspiring. So, before we go any further, let’s give a shout out to this amazing young man. That’s right, Soul Patrol, give it up for our boy, Taylor “Corky” Hicks! WHOOOO!!!! High five!!!





DEE DE DEEEE!!!

In fact, friends, I found Taylor’s story so inspiring, I, too, began the quest to fulfill my secret dream. No, not the one where I’m the “pants-less” warden of an all-female prison, the other one. . .where I’m a popular singer. Now, unlike Taylor, I fancy myself to be more of a country crooner and the whole “M.C.” thing didn’t fit. So the first thing I had to do was to come up with a catchy, country-sounding “stage name.” Then, of course, I actually had to learn HOW to sing. THAT was the tough part. But, after many months of study and practice, all my hard work has paid off and I am finally ready to release my first album. So, friends, as you head out to the record store to pick up Taylor’s new disc, Grey-Haired Palms, grab yourself a copy of my new album. . .




And yes, ladies. . .I AM single.

Oh yeah, that reminds me. Some other people released some new discs that you might be interested in, as well. For instance, there’s a new album from an old friend, Jack White, plus a couple of cool, little releases from Rookie of the Year and the Ditty Bops. So, what do you say? Let’s have a listen, eh?





Artist: Raconteurs
Album: Broken Toy Soldiers
Bastard Love Child of: White Stripes and the Traveling Wilburys.
Best for: Understanding that a raconteur is a person who is good at telling stories.




Hinkley High School Chess Club, 1998

It’s not uncommon for a White Stripe fan to wonder what their band would sound like with the addition of a bass player. In fact, some fans, like Redd Kross’ bass player Steve McDonald, went one step further and actually dropped bass lines all over the Stripes’ White Blood Cells. . .to umm, mixed reviews. Well, fans, wonder no more. . .sorta. You see, Jack White, the creepy-looking, fashion-challenged guitar virtuoso, has temporarily dumped his sister/mother/secret lover/drummer/bandmate, Meg White, to join forces with a couple of his other buddies; namely guitarist Brendan Benson and the entire rhythm section of the Cincinnati rock band, the Greenhornes (bassist Jack Lawrence and drummer Patrick Keeler). And let me be the first to tell you, folks, together, as the Raconteurs, White and friends have crafted music that is much sweeter and more pop-oriented than anything the White Stripes or the Greenhornes ever produced on their own.

I attribute this new found “sweetness” to the exceptional harmonizing between White and Benson, who share guitar and vocal leads on the disc, as well. The dual vocals here are a nice touch and add impressive depth and variety to many of the tracks to ensure repeated listenings. Now, admittedly, there is nothing on this tight little album, whose 10 songs clock in at a brisk 34 minutes, as insanely catchy as the groups first single, “Steady As She Goes.” So be forewarned. The other tracks have ample hooks, both lyrically and musically, but it will take a few trips through the disc to really get you warmed up. Also, if you are simply looking for a “new” White Stripes disc with some different, and freakier looking players, keep looking. The only song on Broken Toy Soldiers that even comes close to sounding like a Stripes song is the title track. Backed by crunchy, Middle Eastern-style guitar drones and crisp drumming, White’s tortured falsetto will bring to mind the last Stripes album, Get Behind Me Satan. But that’s as close as you’re going to get to White Stripes goodness. I would recommend going into this album thinking “Traveling Wilburys-lite.” And no, that’s not a bad thing.

Additionally, if you are a fan of White’s riffing and solo bursts, you are going to have to dig deep into the disc to find them. The only two songs here that really allow Jack to flex any guitar muscle come late in the disc with “Store Bought Bones,” a tough sounding, prog-rock epic that is equal parts Deep Purple and Zeppelin and the album closer, “Blue Veins,” a bluesy, whiskey-soaked ballad choke full of White’s “alt-blues” chops.

It’s highly likely that this album will stand as a one-shot wonder, so enjoy it while it lasts. Consider it a half hour well spent.

Rating: 4 out of 5





Artist: Rookie of the Year
Album: The Goodnight Moon
Bastard Love Child of: Jimmy Eat World and Yellowcard.
Best for: Gazing at your shoes while waiting for the fries to cook.


So. . .do you kids like emo music? Do bands like Copeland, Jimmy Eat World, Death Cab for Cutie and The Juliana Theory make your pimples tingle? Well, my friends, do I have a band for you. Their name? Rookie of the Year.





Rookie of the Year. . .helping to make “comb-overs” cool since 2004.

Now, in all fairness, I’ve had this disc sitting on my desk for almost two months, but, after a cursory pass, I never gave it a second thought. That was a mistake!! Kinda like that one time I went to a Melissa Etheridge concert to meet chicks. Luckily, though, I got a second chance at this band as they rolled through Denver with another phenomenal (and underrated) band, MuteMath. I’ll tell you right now, with the energy of the live show and the immediate accessibility of the music, color me impressed. Of course, I’m not saying that Rookie of the Year’s music is breaking down barriers or re-defining emo. Far from it. But screw it. . .these guys know how to play to their strengths and they do the emo genre proud with heartfelt vocals and soaring harmonies, lush choruses and persistent, harmonic guitar leads. And really, fellow “shoe gazers,” what more could we ask for?

Rookie of the Year’s, The Goodnight Moon, is the first, full length disc from this North Carolina band and their first as a four-piece. You see, RotY (as the “cool” people like to call them) started life as the acoustic solo project of vocalist/guitarist Ryan Dunson. . .that’s him up there, second from the right. . .yeah, with the comb-over. However, Ryan soon realized that he would be better served with an actual band and recruited guitarist Mike Kamerman, bassist Pat Murphy and drummer TJ Holt. For good measure, he tossed in acclaimed indie producer, Ed Rose (The Get Up Kids), and ended up with a strong disc “filled to the brim” with well-written, thoughtful and catchy-as-all-hell pop tunes.




Emo Phillips. . .no relation to Emo genre.

The disc opens with “The Goodnight Moon,” an ambient track whose slow build bleeds seamlessly into the first “real” song, “Poison Like Your Own.” It’s with this track that the listener gets their first taste of Dunson’s dynamic and yearning vocals. It’s also the listeners first taste of the un-inspired, sometimes clichéd lyrics (“I’m drowning for your love. . .”), my only real knock to this band. Musically, though, the band provides numerous high points on this disc, dropping hook after hook with a nice blend of acoustic and electric guitars. My personal favorites are the slow waltz of “Silhouettes (All Eyes Above),” the finger snapping “Sign of Her Glory” and the slow burn of “The Blue Roses.” I will admit, the disc loses steam on the closing tracks as Ryan reverts back to a more solo-oriented, acoustic approach, but when the band is working together, they are truly something to behold.

The Goodnight Moon is a great, little “surprise” of a disc that is well suited to repeated listenings and new “favorites” emerge each time. If you are a fan of the emo scene, I highly recommend this disc. First and foremost, because it’s fantastic, secondly, these guys are some of the coolest musicians I have ever met. And hey, if you ever get a chance to see these guys live, do it, and after the show, be sure to ask them about how their van got towed at the Denver show. Good stuff.

Rating: 4 out of 5





Artist: The Ditty Bops
Album:
Moon Over The Freeway
Bastard Love Child of: Jenny Lewis and The Dresden Dolls
Best for: Background music as you get dressed in your Dr. Frank-N-furter costume for the midnight showing of Rocky Horror.




Sometimes, I secretly wish I was a bike seat.

It’s hard to believe, but The Ditty Bops (the smoking hot duo of former model Amanda Barrett and tomboy hottie, Abby Dewald), with their eclectic musical combination of folk, ragtime, pop, jugband, country swing, jazz and alternative, have created the musical equivalent of a puppy. I mean, good lord. . .this is the cutest, most adorable music you will ever hear and I don’t care how big of a cynical bastard or bitch you may be, it’s going to bring a smile to your face. . .guarenteed.


Does that mean that the music is childish and silly? Hardly. You see, under the “cute” veneer lurks a couple of accomplished musicians and brilliant vocalists who are as comfortable wielding dulcimers, toy pianos and accordions as they are mandolins, banjos and acoustic guitars. In fact, Moon Over The Freeway, the second disc from the L.A. duo, is actually a mature and sophisticated album that readily shows that the girls have actually grown in confidence and musical prowess from their first outing.


That being said, I’ll admit that it’s easy to lose site of the “maturity and sophistication” amongst the odd instrumentation which, at times, sounds too whimsical to have any substance. But keep digging and you’ll quickly realize that the unique instrumentation and throw-back sound, although extremely prominent, are not meant to be the focal point of the girls sound. On the contrary, over the course of any given track, the music becomes unobtrusive and serves as the perfect counterpoint for the girls beautiful voices as they weave around one another and blend together to mesmerizing effect.



Personally, every track on this disc is a winner, but my personal favorites are “Your Head’s Too Big,” with the brilliant line “Your head’s so big and tall how is it that your thoughts are so small” and “Waking Up In The City,” which features the following lyric: “We’ll frolic in the pesticide grass underneath the smog/Don’t gotta worry ’bout bee stings!/Don’t gotta worry ’bout ants!”


If you are looking for a true, alternative experience, pick up this disc. Or hell, catch the girls on one of their many stops as they peddle across the country on their bikes to promote the new album. Good stuff all the way around and you won’t be disappointed.


Rating: 4 out of 5

PEARL JAM FANS STRIKE BACK. . .UMM, SORTA.




As promised, here are the only, two Pearl Jam-related letters that I received that didn’t just call me a douche bag. By the way. . .what the hell is a douche bag? Is there really such a thing and is it even bad? Ladies. . .why do you put them in a bag? Are you saving them? Wouldn’t it be easier to just throw them away? And, most importantly, why did 5, separate emails each start out with “You are a douche bag?” Is this some kind of agreed upon, “secret” Pearl Jam put down? Seriously. Pretty weird shit. At any rate, here are a couple of really cool Pearl Jam fans:


Leo Lucky writes:

I have to say you just made me a life-long fan of anything you write with that column – and I mean the whole thing, even though I’m writing in about the PJ piece. Seriously, keep that shit up and don’t ever change.

And now for the riot act (note: this letter will be filled with these half-veiled PJ references, so look out). I first saw the band open up for the Chili Peppers back in 90 at a place in Dallas called The Basement (which, alas, no longer exists). I was quite impressed by this loud, angry, rocking sound and the little guy up front who was jumping all over the place. By the time Evenflo came out (it was a slow burn, if you remember), I had my friends anticipating them at the first EdgeFest (it was actually an Earth Day concert, I think) again in Dallas my senior year of high school (1992). They rocked the joint so hard that no one even stayed for the headliner, Dramarama (“˜member them?).

And then they hit. We all know the rest of the story.

But let’s talk about me. In the time between Versus (originally titled “˜Five Against the World’) and the misstep that was Vitology, I had collected 20 or so PJ bootlegs, every single import, single, vinyl, and still to this day have magazine articles and Rolling Stone covers from that period. This was MY band. I discovered them. They belonged to me. This was literally true among my circle of friends, and back then they were hard-driving gods of rock and roll whose live performances were epic religious experiences for me. I was a front-row fan all the way, completely enthralled in a state of love and trust. I have a DirtyFrank T-Shirt, for crying out loud. I apologized for Vitology, Eddie’s marbles, and the fact that they were so into PETA (rats have rights? You’ve got to be kidding me). By the time No Code was said and done, I stopped apologizing. I think even I could feel the slippage. And Vedder had stopped jumping around on everything. He actually kicked me in the hand once at Lollapalooza 92 when he swung out over the crown on a rope ladder. Think THAT didn’t pump me up? WOW! But lately he just kind of stands there bouncing his bob up and down and making slurred, mumbled, hopefully ironic statements about the government. The band’s evolution has just made this fan extinct.

(Whew) All that being said, I actually think Binaural and Yield are great discs, though they rarely capture the might of the first two discs. I bought the last one but only listened to it once (can’t even remember the name or bring myself to do enough research to find it) because it sucked and I wasn’t in the mood to listen to some old fart (Vedder’s in his 40s) bitch and moan about things he really was ignorant on anyway. Yes, the rest of the band is extremely talented, but Eddie decided to stop really using his voice sometime before Yield. Gone is that super-scream that had me going so much back in the grunge days. In its place is something weak. Why go home? Cause it just ain’t what it used to be, and it’s a damn shame when it happens. Metallica is going through it right now, and it’s freaking painful to listen to.

Now, I still haven’t missed one of their tours, and they still put on a fantastic show (the way Black rolls out in a live performance is subtle, amazing, and gets more and more interesting as the years go by), but seeing as they’re not coming anywhere within a 4 hour drive of Dallas this year I won’t be seeing them. Can’t say I’m all that upset. I grew out of defending them a long time ago, and think Vedder’s just a little silly nowadays. That there are still guys out there that will is pathetic, but to each their own – after all, I’ll write you a dissertation on Supergrass any day.

Until then, here’s me not buying that avocado-laden self-titled offering. Don’t call me, daughter. I just can’t be bothered.

Great column, man.


Thanks, Leo Lucky


And this one from Andrew Waldner:


Hello there Mr. Bell, just responding to your call on Pearl Jam fans.

Actually, I have no rebuttal. I have no idea why you think Pearl Jam fans are any more obsessed with defending their band from criticism than other bands’ fans are. Yes we’re a strange cult that there really is no explanation for. And of course I love the band, I’m crazy obsessed with them, to the point I love their last two albums when most of the world barely noticed them. I also admit they have little humor and not everyone’s going to appreciate that. Is there some reason youre entire review was a personal attack? Sure, hate their seriousness, hate their views, but next time try to write a review on the music, not on your own personal feelings.

Oh, I agree about the new Chili Peppers CD, they really did a fantastic job bringing all their talents onto this one. Although I have to disagree about “Dani California,” I just don’t get anything from it. I think other songs on the album would have been such better lead singles, and it pales in comparison to previous ones like “By the Way.”

Andrew

Thanks for writing in, gentlemen, and even more importantly, thanks for reading.


Well, friends, that is going to do it for this week. So, until next time, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!


Send marriage proposals, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:


M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001

May 29, 2006

Spook’d – #79

Filed under: Spook'd — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:22 am

by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee

Check out the preview for Task Force 1 (from Image Comics).

Full Size Comic

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To see Spook’d host Alastor’s blogging silliness and more fun Spook’d stuff,

visit the Spook’d Web site!


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E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | SPOOK’D BLOG |
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Disclaimer: All material in Spook’d is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.

May 26, 2006

Trailer Park: The Game Is Afoot

Filed under: Trailer Park — admin @ 9:03 pm

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR | By Christopher Stipp

May 26, 2006

The Game Is Afoot

Um, yeah, MySpace. It’s teh awesome and I’m not even using it to pick up 12 year-olds. Boys. I’m not. For reals.

The summer movie season has begun but the notion of whether it has started real well depends on whether you like to play with your numbers in an optimistic or pessimisttic way. Let’s break down the top 5 films this week at the box office:

The Da Vinci Code: $77,000,000 Budget: $125 Million

Over the Hedge: $37,228,000 Budget: ?

Mission: Impossible III: $11,015,000 Budget: $150 Million

Poseidon: $9,200,000 Budget: $160 Million

RV: $5,100,000 Budget: $50 Million

Now, for those who don’t want to go look for cummulative totals I can tell you that Mission: Impossible still has a good way to go before it hits the 0 mark, the prospect of DVD sales being Paramount’s one salve on the wound that their batshit crazy mouthpiece for the film may have wounded sales just a little bit. I am sure that foriegn audiences will more than help out making the film a profitable venture for the studio but, when compared to POSEIDON’s digits you can certainly see how this is a tougher pill to swallow.

The interesting thing when you compare a movie like THE DA VINCI CODE and POSEIDON is that both of them both received pretty awful reviews. Nay, I say, pretty disasterous reviews. When you see that that both of these flicks came within 4% of one another for an aggregate number of all reviews that either said it was good (which they’re not) or it was bad (which they are and some got very creative with how they put it). So, why the disconnect between DA VINCI’s obvious bulletproofness and POSEIDON’s eventual sinking to the bottom of people’s Must Avoid list? I can’t say for sure as most every single summer movie is constructed with the idea of maximizing company’s coffers and being appealing to the widest audience possible which means diluting the creativity of a project until it reaches a milquetoast consistency from its script to its eventual casting and direction. It’s not a bad thing, mind you, as every company deserves to make as much dinero as it can get its evil little fingers on but I am confounded why one obviously resonated with audiences and the other did not.

I wouldn’t dare go to a film where most every person whose opinions I valued said was a waste of my money but I’m feeling that it was Hanks’ appearance alone that made so many people scoff at critics and willingly open their collective wallets. POSEIDON had no real bankable stars besides Golden Oldies Kurt Russell and Richard Dreyfuss and maybe that’s it, maybe that’s how you can literally make any movie you want, no matter how terrible, and as long as you have someone who can simply show up and make millions of dollars appear right before your corporation’s eyes it could all boil down to not how well your movie’s made but who you’ve got in it.

Could Occam’s Razor theory really that applicable to films? If I was looking just weeks into the Summer movie season I would answer “Yes” simply based on what the trends look like. I am sure that if I really looked hard I could find out if this is a viable notion but next week is already upon us and X-MEN 3 is knocking at the Box Office door wanting to know what a marginal director and a cast of marginally well-received actors can expect from people’s bank accounts.

I’ve already got my slide rule at the ready.

And in this installment of Photo of the Week we get a little sporty with what is, ostensibly, my new wallpaper on the trusty iBook G4; Michael Barrett, catcher of the Chicago Cubs, takes issue with Chicago White Sox’s AJ Pierz-Zzz-something-ski or another. Be it right or not this is what makes being a Superfan of the downtrodden Cubs a nice thing. I may love my movies but I do loves me a good bar fight every once in a while on the field especially one that we start, and win. Remember kids, violence is never the answer but when you’re having your jaw pushed back into your face it’s kinda hard to be asking the question in the first place, isn’t it?


12 AND HOLDING (2005) Director: Michael Cuesta
Cast: Linus Roache, Annabella Sciorra, Jeremy Renner, Jayne Atkinson, Marcia Debonis
Release: May 19, 2006
Synopsis: Explores the complexities of children losing their innocence and adults struggling to guide them. In the suburbs of America, three close knit 12-year-olds ñ introverted Jacob (Conor Donovan), precocious Malee (Zoe Weizenbaum) and vulnerable Leonard (Jesse Camacho) – start down the path of self-discovery.
View Trailer:
* Medium (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. This one is a head scratcher.

You don’t really want to desperately see this movie like you would a SUPERMAN when you see Routh milling around in his tight red Speedo briefs but you feel a certain uneasiness when you try and grasp exactly what it is that’s happening, I’m not sure I do know, though, what it is that I am supposed to be identifying with, a key component in any good grab for one’s attention or cash, but I like it; I appreciate the sentiment that I’m not entirely comfortable by trailer’s end.

While I know that this is not going to be a gleeful romp through this coming-of-age tale you’re instantly drawn into what seems like a rather poignant set-up: identical twins who don’t share much in common and who have a troubled time relating to one another.

We have our collective attention switched to two friends of the twins, one who happens to be fat; and I can’t understand why there needs to always be the fat friend in movies with kids. You need to look no further than most every kid movie and see where there is an obvious chunky collective at work here. I’m not saying it’s as organized as, let’s say, the mafia but there is something afoot. Of course the fat kid is eating in the first scene we’re shown and I am floored by the other friend’s declaration, who happens to be female, that she is now able to be with, and care for, a child.

(Insert surprise here)

This is not going to be Disney’s THE SANDLOT.

So, the quad squad gets themselves a tree house, get into a little tiff with what seems like an ornery kid of East Coast dialect (I mean, really, aren’t all kids with New Yawk accents just thieves-in-training?) threatens to kill one, or all as these East Coasters are just murderous little shiats, and then ends up accidentally killing one of the twins.

The bleakness and quiet that the next moment inspires of seeing the blanketed coffin is disquieting.

After we move on from the death we get an odd theme of sexual awakening by the girl in the trio and then rage by the single twin who confronts the alleged killer while in prison; sex and violence, I guess, like a two birds and a feather. The violence takes the next step as the girl produces something off screen while in a room with the dejected brother but I think we all can safely say it’s a heater of some caliber.

The subsequent montage of clips that don’t really have any adhesion outside of just giving us more opportunities to see these kids’ environment is actually useful here. It’s good for three reasons: 1) The soundtrack is inspired. A modern “Don’t Fear The Reaper” fits in a macabre way. 2) The quotes that this movie has garnered are solid, the film festival locations this has played at are pimped quickly. 3) We actually get an abstract way of relating to these kids’ world. The clips are effective at relaying movement and emotion.

I’m not comfortable when we finally finish things here but that’s commendable. I shouldn’t be after seeing how complex things will get in this flick as Cuesta’s L.I.E. wasn’t a smooth pill to swallow so I shouldn’t be expecting anything less than a story that’s uniquely his own to tell.


CASINO ROYALE (2006) Director: Martin Campbell
Cast: Daniel Craig, Judi Dench
Release: November 17, 2006
Synopsis: James Bond must thwart a dangerous Russian spy from winning a game of cards worth millions.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. Yes.

This is what this franchise needed.

I don’t purport to know Bond lore any more than I have a handle on the Harry Potter series; it’s not much, I don’t have any interest knowing more than I do and, most importantly, I’m just here for the ride.

However, knowing what I do about 007 and the enduring iconoclast symbol he represents for British folk, as he shatters the notion of all Brits having teeth that could pop open deadbolts and bodies that are pastier than white paint, this is exactly what I’ve come to expect from this kind of film: guns, explosions, chicks who have no other purpose than to be objectified by a Cro-Magnon throwback and fast cars.

And, to wit, give it up for the sly entrance into this trailer. Instead of going the route of blazing through the aforementioned delicious bits that make every Bond film a variation on a theme we get Judi Dench doing the voiceover. Now, even though I had to look up whether her perennial character was named M or Q, again, I don’t have a firm grasp on these things, it’s quite moot because of how wonderfully this thing opens up.

“This may be too much for a blunt instrument to understand”¦”

I like the mystique that’s being created with the initial black and white scenes that we’re given. Sure, we could have been given that distinctive 007 instrumental suite with Craig walking before shooting the screen with that lame ass blood effect, a calling card that really should be revamped. No, we get something different. The voiceover that Dench does is actually pretty good as, unbeknownst to the dudes who are drawn to these films, it subverts in its own way the established masculine overtones these films are unquestionably all about.

Craig, in slow-mo, beats down dudes in hand-to-hand combat whilst being a patient listener to Dench’s assessment of the kind of operative a 00 should be.

“I understand that 00’s have a very short life expectancy.”

Yes, Craig has it. He’s got that ability to be glib and smarmy while being flirtatious. He’s also has that look of dangerousness. It’s there and as the trailer transitions from black and white to color you see that he’s everything that a disposable Bond should be.

I do have to suffer through the animation of Craig “shooting” the camera but as it’s a device used to accentuate the transition, much like SIN CITY used red in it its initial trailer, and this is where we move from just meeting Craig to seeing him move within the character.

Now, we don’t see a lot of stability for the duration of this teaser but that’s just the nature of these things; especially because people want to get whetted for what’s to come this piece of promotion has to just hint. With the elaborate action sequences shown, the car that will be Craig’s little coupe and the lingering gaze we’re allowed to spend on some faceless woman getting out of the water in a bathing suit I would say this is more than just a satisfactory teaser.


DISTRICT B13 (2006) Director: Pierre Morel
Cast: Cyril Raffaelli, David Belle, Tony D’amario, Bibi Naceri, Dany Verissimo
Release: June 2, 2006
Synopsis: Paris, 2010. An isolation wall surrounds the ghetto cities. Damien is a member of the police elite task force. This time, the government has assigned him the most extreme expedition of his entire career: a weapon of mass destruction has been stolen by the most powerful gang of District B13.
View Trailer:
* Medium (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Postive. Excellent concept but wretched execution.

I would like to think trailers like this serve a purpose beyond just pimping their own films, These are little examples by which to observe and take away little bits of ideas, ways of doing things. Much like in the case for this trailer there is also the opportunity to state what isn’t such a good idea when trying to get people interested to make an effort to see your film.

The idea with the trailer, especially one that is making a voyage beyond its own little borders, is that you want to start people thinking that they have to see it, need to see it. When you use that faux computer screen with the green letters as icons you not only are saying that you still believe people are communicating in Dos and don’t have a basic understanding on how modern GUI interfaces have vastly improved since the Apple IIe but you’re also stating that this story takes place in 2010, thus, rendering your visualization of said computer screen a sad attempt at trying to seem technologically with it.

See, I don’t want to sound harsh as this trailer opens up solidly. You have the sound of a helicopter humming in the audio foreground as you peep the barbwired walls of desolate cement ghettos. Quickly you see that these aren’t desolate areas at all and are filled with many people. You do, though, get acquainted with the kind of police state, a heavily armed police state, that these people are living in.

Black screen, green computer letters: “Paris”¦2010″

The “ugh” begins as this “harsh” new reality reveals that the streets are run by the rejects from THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS. Driving souped up Yugo’s and the like it appears to be that the gangs who control what happens are about to come into possession of a nuclear weapon.

Now, the cinematography harkens back to the salad days of the first TRANSPORTER and I’m not disappointed to know that the story is explained even further by our green screen companion that “the lone cop”¦that is sent to stop them”¦” establishes our protagonist.

I’m confused.

At first I thought we were dealing with just these little gangs in post-apocalyptic France but now we’ve got a French Jason Statham getting buck wild with these perps. I get ready to go absolutely monkey shines on this concept but something quite important changes my mind: we get another protagonist thrown into the mix.

Instead of just one Jason Statham we get two. Not only that but these guys are acrobatic on the level of a Tony Jaa mixed in with those dudes who did those leaping commercials for Nike a couple of years ago; they were French I believe, as well.

The end result has me eating all sorts of crow about how goofy this was getting. The stunts here are just a joy to watch as you try and figure out the logistics of a man running across the vertical façade of a building. We get hipped to the fact that the producers of BOTH TRANSPORTER 2 and ONG-BAK have diddled with this story and like a connoisseur who can tell vintage from swill I feel vindicated by the knowledge that this movie has their kind of fingerprints on the screen.

I do, however, have advice for these people promoting the movie: getting it established early, the people behind this film, would be a good thing in stoking giddiness. If I didn’t know better I would’ve just rolled on to another trailer but I had to wait literally until this trailer was all done to find out what pedigree this film had.

Selling a foreign film is tough enough without having to make dumb mistakes like this but I would lose nearly the entire first half and just launch into the ass kicking and explosions. Sorry, but it’s the truth.

The last half of this trailer brims with excitement, passion, violence, martial arts and the hint that one could enjoy 90 minutes of this; I sure as shit would after seeing what these two dudes can do. It’s far too small of a world to be sitting on this kind of flick for just regional audiences to enjoy. I want to watch other countries’ ass kickers, too.

Count me in on this one but just clean up this trailer.


SUPERMAN RETURNS (2006) Director: Bryan Singer
Cast: Brandon Routh, Kevin Spacey, Kate Bosworth, James Marsden, Frank Langella, Parker Posey, Kal Penn, Eva Saint Marie, Sam Huntington
Release: June 30, 2006
Synopsis: Following a mysterious absence of several years, the Man of Steel comes back to Earth in the epic action-adventure Superman Returns, a soaring new chapter in the saga of one of the world’s most beloved superheroes. While an old enemy plots to render him powerless once and for all, Superman (Brandon Routh) faces the heartbreaking realization that the woman he loves, Lois Lane (Kate Bosworth), has moved on with her life. Or has she? Superman’s bittersweet return challenges him to bridge the distance between them while finding a place in a society that has learned to survive without him. In an attempt to protect the world he loves from cataclysmic destruction, Superman embarks on an epic journey of redemption that takes him from the depths of the ocean to the far reaches of outer space.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Very Positive. I think it’s my laissez faire attitude about X-MEN 3 that has something to do with my eagerness to see what else Singer has in store with SUPERMAN.

You cannot see this trailer and not feel like you’ve been given a mainline injection of adrenaline straight to your fanboy cortex.

What I liked about the teaser many months ago was that not only did it give you a really nice nugget or two about what Routh is going to do with the character but I would assert, more importantly, it gave Singer a chance to show off what he has done directorially with the property. How could you not feel a twinge of something when you see young Clark Kent leaping and bounding through the cornfields? How you could deny Singer’s passion when you see the wonderfully composed shot of awe struck citizens when you know exactly what it is that they’re all looking at?

With this trailer, then, it’s time to let the people see more. The days of GODZILLA-like secrecy about denying people the chance to see the goods before the movie comes out are thankfully long since gone and it is the opening shots, the turn of the century feeling you get, like when you see Fritz Lang’s METROPOLIS, that a deliberate decision was made to how SUPERMAN was going to come to life. It’s easy to just gloss over this issue but when you can tell that a director had some kind of passion driving them it’s comforting as it is exciting.

As Luthor breaches the Fortress of Solitude and demands to know everything about our man in the tight maroon Speedo with Routh hovering above earth, his cape is effortlessly flapping gently, the gauntlet is tossed down quickly about who and what this movie will be dealing with.

I am annoyed slightly, though, by the rehashing of the teaser trailer with Ma Kent taking over the voiceover duties, us having to endure the same damn leaping in the cornfields with it being topped off with the same moment I spoke of earlier with the populace standing at shocked attention.

I quickly forget this as we finally get some motion out of Superman. Singer’s biggest issue to contend with, one of many I guess, is making Routh’s flying appear to have weight. One of the issues with SPIDER MAN’s initial installment was that a good effort was made to make it appear that Peter Parker was bound to rules of physics and that if he’s going to defy gravity with his aerial acrobatics he better look like gravity wants his ass back on the ground.

From the initial impression here, sure, it looks like Superman navigates his flying within our world. Later, when Routh turns his body mid-flight his hair appropriately flaps and it’s little details like this that will make believers out of haters.

I don’t have much appreciation, though, for Jimmy Olsen as he looks cut out of a bad Superman comic book. He appears smarmy, too much of a doofus and kind of flat. As he tells Clark that Lois has moved on and had a kid I feel like that would’ve been a perfect time for Bizzaro to pop up and squeeze Jimmy’s little melon head like a grapefruit.

Sure, there’s a little sense of back lot fakery when Superman and Lois have their first real moment, the top of the roof looks like it’s a manufactured façade which it most certainly is, but when the two of them fly off with one another it actually looks more realistic.

Luthor shows his bald head once more to do his thing and it just smells of greatness. There’s nothing like Spacey’s quiet craziness as he plays his role the way it should be played. Luthor, while apt at tossing out humorous lines, should be maniacal and given to rage, not like Gene Hackman’s buffoonery.

Oh, and Jimmy pops up again donning a bow tie and sweater. Seriously, where is Bizzaro and his head popping fetish? I know Superman is about having a nebbish secret identity but where does it state that he has to endure this geek’s nerdish vibe?

Anyway, Spacey comes back to get wild with Bosworth as his hostage and his screaming moment is pitch perfect as is Routh’s powerful landing on both feet which I think is actually one of the best shots in this trailer; you can sense the physicality, the weight and emotion of this character perfectly.

The other “best shot” in this trailer is the tearing apart of the airplane that is literally disintegrating as it hurdles towards the ground in flames. I am hopeful that this sequence really does challenge the notion that even though you use special effects you can show a man can fly and make it look more real than any of its predecessors.

May 24, 2006

Addicted to Bad

Filed under: Addicted to Bad — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:37 pm

By Patrick Keller

Dispirited

In the months leading up to its release, FINAL FANTASY: THE SPIRITS WITHIN, based on the long-running video game series, was hailed as a wonder of technological achievement. Reports surfaced that dozens of programmers spent more than a year animating just the lead character’s hair, while other sources claimed that the programmers took about three weeks to do the hair, and spent the rest of the year trying to look busy when anyone was looking. Regardless, with a four year development period, at a cost more than $130 million, FF arrived as the most ambitious video game adaptation ever created. Subsequently, when the film made an estimated -4 cents its opening weekend, a lot of hopes were dashed, not the least of which were those of little Billy Daniels, age six, who was forced to resign as Columbia Pictures’ Head Accountant.

What went wrong? Were audiences turned off by the director’s bold, innovative use of tedium as a central component of his action movie? Or was it the reviews from the likes of Gene Shalit (who called the film “a giant, steaming bag of mouse puke”), Kenneth Turan (“like a scenic tour through Hitler’s colon”), and Roger Ebert, who famously quipped that the film made him want to savagely beat a mime to death with his bare hands, just to feel alive inside again? (That summer’s string of brutal street mime deaths in the Chicago area were later proven to be a complete coincidence, and hilarious.)

That said, FINAL FANTASY is far from the worst-received video game adaptation ever to hit the screen. Many were quickly produced to cash in on fads, while others were so awful that they never even made it to production. Here are some of the worst of the worst…

CASTLEVANIA: A lone hero takes on the most horrific being ever to walk the earth, a timeless, evil creature, a destroyer of countless men. Long in development, the film actually stalled long before the release of FF when producers were unable to negotiate a reasonable fee for Cher’s likeness.

DONKEY KONG: Shortly after the “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” craze of the late 90s, Warner Bros. developed a game show where players attempted to answer a series of questions while an enraged ape threw barrels at them. The show was shelved in the United States over safety and animal rights concerns, but went on to be a huge success in Japan, where it goes by the name “Super Happy Bam-Bam Donkey Punch!”

SPIDER-MAN: THE MOVIE: THE GAME: THE MOVIE: Released direct-to-video, this film was actually just two solid hours of watching some kid (played by Kieran Culkin) attempt to beat this game, punctuated by surprisingly foul language that invokes, at various times, sex with animals, relatives, dead mimes, friends’ relatives, furniture, “the pan-roasted corpse of Pia Zadora,” Dickens characters, and even very small rocks. In one of the more pointless wastes of money in cinema history, producers actually commissioned their own version of “Spider-Man: The Movie: The Game” for the film.

MIKE TYSON’S PUNCH-OUT: Produced almost two decades after the original game hit the streets, this movie is little more than a video of a destitute Mike Tyson offering to beat up random strangers on the streets of Prague for money. Perhaps unsurprisingly, people get beat up regardless of their decision.

DIG DUG: Deviating considerably from the source material, apparently someone at Paramount thought that audiences desperately wanted to see a short, fat man (Danny DeVito) fight crime using a bicycle pump.

CONTRA: This little-seen documentary attempts to prove that President George H. W. Bush was involved in giving power-ups and extra lives to the Nicaraguan rebels.

BLADES OF STEEL: With no plot to speak of, this project went through dozens of scripts before producers realized that most of the original game’s appeal stemmed from getting into fights and hearing the occasional awkward, synthesized speech from the Nintendo. The resulting plot found a group of former boxers who are drafted by a failing hockey franchise owned by a tobacco company. The fight-prone players all get throat cancer and have to use electronic voice boxes. In an effort to be socially conscious, one of the boxers turns out to be a gay robot astronaut from the future.

May 19, 2006

Trailer Park: Yeah, like that catchy GO-GO’s song goes…

Filed under: Trailer Park — admin @ 9:02 pm

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR | By Christopher Stipp

May 19, 2006

Yeah, like that catchy GO-GO’s song goes…

I’m shilling again for my spot on MySpace and I am getting closer and closer in talking about a writing project that doesn’t have anything to do with movies, trailers or flying nuns.

I’m on vacation this week…Yet here I am with more reviews for the lot of you still sticking around to read this. Which, judging by the sheer numbers of traffic, I would be better off reading this thing while people get on the 28 bus on their way into downtown Scottsdale.

However, with the very public announcement that Poop Shoot was being dipped in an acid bath and getting a much needed sprucing-up I am happy to see that there will be a new crop of readers who will be parking their eyes for a bit in this here space. I don’t know if they’ll stick around, mind you, new readers also means new opportunites for my writing to be rejected by an even bigger audience, or I’ll be an even bigger reason why people don’t seem to visit the site on a Friday, but for those who really have been consistent readers of this space it really is validation that there is still great things happening at this site and all we needed is a new coat of paint.

I cannot tell you how right Kevin was when he said that while it’s amusing to be standing on the red carpet or at interviews and for people to give a healthy chortle or guffaw as I say I work for a site called “Poop Shoot” I am pleased that the name change will help give an idea of who we are as a whole; it’s not that I was embarassed of reiterating my namesake whenever someone asked but, again, like Kevin said, Quick Stop Entertainment denotes imagery quite different as you play What’s-The-First-Thing-You-Think-Of game with publicists as you try and squeek out some time with some person who you all out there would enjoy reading about.

As more information comes out I hope to be here to be able and say how it affects what I do here but in the meantime I have my sights set on the Comi-Con in a couple of months and am busy making sure all of you get new content from me, like you’ve come to expect for nearly 2 1/2 years, every week. I am proud of what’s been built here and there’s only more good things to come.


STRANGERS WITH CANDY (2006) Director: Paul Dinello
Cast: Amy Sedaris, Stephen Colbert, Paul Dinello
Release: June 28, 2006
Synopsis: A prequel to the critically acclaimed series featuring Jerri Blank, a 46 year-old ex-junkie, ex-con who returns to high school in a bid to start her life over.
View Trailer:
* Medium (Flash)

Prognosis: Hell No. I am officially out of touch with what people think is funny.

Sure, I loved Arrested Development, Da Ali G Show and other cancelled programming but I never understood about the funny factor when it came to Strangers With Candy. When Comedy Central ran this I was deep in their clutches with Upright Citizens Brigade, The Daily Show and South Park so I just tried to find the angle with what this show’s ethos was all about; I guess the answer was there all along: retardation and bad Tracy Ullman humor. These two elements, when mixed, made for a delightful mélange of idiocy and good ratings.

Now, I tried to give this trailer the benefit of time. I hadn’t heard anything from Amy Sedaris for a while and hearing that this movie was being made I figured there would be a chance for me to get introduced properly to this world.

I don’t want to be introduced anymore.

This trailer begins with what is intended to be a really funny premise: Jerri Blank needs to make the honor roll.

“Be prom queen!” our titular hero yells in hopeful auditory miscommunication.

“Make the honor roll,” our straight man quietly retorts.

Really. This is how it’s going to be? It sure is as the next lame mule joke about what Jerri’s IQ is does not go over well. “Pieces,” is her reply and it is not the right answer for a lot of reasons.

Following this little moment we go on with a montage of Jerri being herself in all her resplendent ickiness. We see her corn chip sized toenails, get a gander as she tries disgustingly to sex us up and then rides a broom in a cackle-induced hysteria that I don’t know to be afraid or laugh out of embarrassment.

From what I can take away from Steven Colbert, an overrated comedic talent judging by his reliance on his static, deadpan delivery style, his role is to be co-performing along with Amy as his one-liners and additions to Amy’s set-ups seem to be dependant on her reactions. It shouldn’t be this hard to be funny or to figure out why it is that other people find these things giggle-worthy but I can’t see it and the trailer does a miserable job in even letting the lay person in on the comedy.

Oh, and the last bit of Jerri’s mother telling her, while eating dinner with the family, that, “we don’t talk with food in our mouth,” and Amy’s “physical humor” as she empties the contents on her plate saying, “I don’t have food in my mouth”? If she was 12 I am sure the kids would love it. Seeing a grown woman do it in attempt to show how funny she can be is just sad.


DOWN IN THE VALLEY (2005) Director: David Jacobson
Cast: Edward Norton, Evan Rachel Wood, David Morse, Bruce Dern, Rory Culkin
Release: April, 2006 (Limited)
Synopsis: Set in the present-day San Fernando Valley, the project revolves around a delusional man who believes he’s a cowboy and the relationship that he starts with a rebellious young woman.
View Trailer:
* Medium (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Make That Another No. Couldn’t Ed be making movies where he’s beating the hell out of himself or curbing some Neo-Nazis?

No? This is what I’m left with? Well, I can’t say that I’m all that pumped about a cowboy who hasn’t ever known anything more than the range of the South but I also can’t even muster enough joy on my femme side after seeing this trailer to even make this a recommended flick for chicks.

It starts out well enough, though. There is a light musical arrangement and a slow opening as Ed narrates the way he’d like to be under a sky full of stars, hear nothing but the wind and, possibly, out humping some sheep.

Evan Rachel comes off as a bitchy teen that needs to have her MySpace account taken away and defaced, along with everything else she no doubt takes for granted as she whines about how it sucks to be a disenfranchised young person. I’m not sure if this is trying to win me over to her character but she seems a little disillusioned with how life works. I hope when the tramp finally gets to the beach where she so defiantly tells her dad that’s where she’s going that the Zodiac is there, waiting.

It looks like I won’t be getting my wish as when Evan is fueling up at the local Unocal 76 Ed looks like he’s semi-working there, I don’t really know for sure as we go from him peeping a view at her possibly underage, glistening bodice to him throwing down his oil rag in mock disgust as he’s invited to the beach with this girl; I’m not sure of whether I’m supposed to be giving him a mental high-five or calling NBC’s Dateline and reporting this perv.

So, they’re at the beach and it’s like a scene from Real World: California when Jon, that lump of Branson backwater molded into a doughy form with a blonde-ish mullet, went to the beach in his Hulkamania t-shirt and cowboy boots. I don’t know if this a put-on or if I should feel endeared toward Ed.

Lo and behold, children, not only does Ed manage to start making out with Evan in the ocean but the chick puts out on the very same night. Obviously a whore and needing a good ass whooping of atomic proportions Ed decides to play the gentle pedo with his clap-trap about finding one’s self, believing in whatever, blah blah blah.

When the girl finally goes home (!) after her night of sexing and cavorting like a tramp her dad is there waiting, pissed, and understandably so. Even has this look of “What did I do?” as she runs into her room, her dad just being comfortable with pounding on the door once. Now, I have to call bullshiat on this one. If that were me I would have one of those Cops sized battering rams with accompanying riot helmets that have those hard plastic Samurai flaps on the back of it and put that bitch down with a few taser blasts to the temple. Does that happen here? Noooo”¦the chick ends up seeing Ed AGAIN and whines about her crap life.

Sure, there may be problems but when you’re trying to spin this movie as a romance and you’ve got Ed trying to “defend” her honor by being all cowboy with the dad it does a very poor job doing so.

The montage of the scenes of this film are a train wreck of discombobulation and mixed messages of underage copulation, family togetherness and the search for being true to one’s self.

I think I’ll just watch FIGHT CLUB and AMERICAN HISTORY X on cable.


THE DESCENT (2005) Director: Neil Marshall
Cast: Shauna Macdonald, Natalie Jackson Mendoza, Alex Reid, Saskia Mulder, MyAnna Buring, Nora-Jane Noone, Oliver Milburn, Molly Kayll
Release: August, 2006
Synopsis: After a tragic accident, six friends reunite for a caving expedition. Their adventure soon goes horribly wrong when a collapse traps them deep underground and they find themselves pursued by bloodthirsty creatures. As their friendships deteriorate, they find themselves in a desperate struggle to survive the creatures and each other.
View Trailer:
* Large (AOL Player)

Prognosis: Okay…Now, This Makes Up For It. True story that begins with a question: Have any of you out there even been in complete darkness? Not the kind of stub-your-toe in the night kind of dark when you’ve really got to whiz because turning on a light would render your corneas into flaming orbs of pain but the kind of dark where there is no ambient light available. The wife and I went to Aillwee Cave in Ireland when we were there almost five years ago and the guides do this thing where they shut down all the lights while you’re already feeling claustrophobic and ask you to put your hand to your face. It is, perhaps, one of the most exhilarating, thrilling and disconcerting things you will ever experience.

Being in a cave is already kind of crazy, being in a cave with the likes of the ladies shown here, the beautiful kind that would NEVER do this if it weren’t for a movie, who you know are going to get picked off like Republican senators this fall, is just right for the kind of horror that’s being planned.

I like the opening of this thing. I really do. It’s so 80’s exploitative, again with the hot chicks cavorting and having a delicious time with being ladies on the loose in the woods, that I can’t help but laugh when their movable feast means spelunking in a dingy hole in the middle of nowhere.

Not only do we all know nothing good is going to come of this but when the one of them, we’ll say Hot Chick Who Is Only There Because It’s a Film, HCWIOTBIW for short, says that the only way out is through the annals of the naturally carved out tunnels you know fun is afoot.

I’m especially glad when, oh my stars and garters, one of them gets stuck in a rather tight hole. Internet pervs rejoice that you too will be able to imagine what this means in the grand scheme of things, and starts moaning and grunting.

The screen dissolves and the word “Claustrophobia” comes on the screen.

Excellent!

Somehow, after the ladies break free of the tight hole one of them finds herself in, they all congregate in a relatively cramped cave with one of the smart biatches asking, “This is not good, guys?” Damn right, chicas, now shouldn’t have someone figured out and exit strategy before they all threw their bodies down a hole?

“Disorientation”

Don’t let this get in the way of the thrilling nature of this movie, though, because fun awaits when we get more words about “Fear” and “Hallucination” coming into the mix. These ladies are like caged heat as they start flipping out on one another and the sounds of a buried cave Kraken starts to shake their grip on reality.

The Kraken isn’t a Kraken after all, unfortunately, but it does seem like some mutant hillbilly cadre of crazies are about to show us how to get-er-done down in the bowels of stalagmites and stalactites. There is a lot of spinning camera angles and it’s hard to make sense of how this situation will devolve but I do know that there is, at the very least, a dozen of these fleshy headed mutants who hope to kill all of these misguided adventurers.

I can say with great delight that I may have laughed all the way through this trailer and found “gimmies” with regard to easy jokes but this looks like a solid Friday/Saturday night rental when this thing finally makes it way to video stores. The trailer does a swell job of building up the story and making it quite ambiguous as to what actually attacks these women. Solid.

Scrubs Blog: Week 27

Filed under: Production Blogs,Quickcasts,Scrubs Blog,Video — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:50 pm
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VIDEO BLOG #53: “My Scooter Rally” ““
Scrubs loves scooters. A lot. No other show has loved scooters more.

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Download Scrubs Video Blog #53:

  • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 39.07 MB)
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VIDEO BLOG #54: “My Batcave” ““
Here’s an end-of-the-season treat for you all ““ a glimpse at a scene that didn’t make it into the season finale, featuring the lair of one Dr. Acula.

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Download Scrubs Video Blog #54:

  • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 51.78 MB)
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May 16, 2006

The Fred Hembeck Show: Episode 61

Filed under: The Fred Hembeck Show — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:39 pm

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In the arena of popular culture, May is always one of the saddest months.

Why?

Well, because invariably, some long-running and beloved television show comes to the end of their line during season-ending sweeps. Sometimes there’s even a nationwide frenzy surrounding a treasured program’s demise, the most extreme example to date of mass audience mourning being the overheated reaction to the Seinfeld finale of several years back. But whether it’s an over the top reaction such as the farewell afforded Jerry and his associates, or the more low-key bye-bye’s directed towards several of this year’s departing programs – like The West Wing and Malcolm In The Middle, or the slightly more elaborate send-off’s bestowed upon Will and Grace and That 70’s Show – America annually gets out their collective hankies to bid adieu to some of their favorite TV characters.

Except, of course, when those TV characters originated inside the pages of a pulpy four-color comic book.

Think about it – has there ever been a comics-related show that went off the air blissfully wallowing in a country-wide swathe of melancholia? Back when the iconic Adventures of Superman shut down production, people weren’t yet conditioned to mourn the passing of a favorite television show much the way they would a close relative – and besides, until George Reeves met his unfortunate end, there was always a possibility of that show coming back for yet another season.

Then there was Batman.

When that Adam West camp-fest burst onto the scene in January of 1966, it was an immediate sensation, the likes of which had rarely been seen before – or since. Little over two years later, though, it quietly limped off the air, its welcome worn out in seeming record time. There were no “Final Batman episode” parties in March of “˜68, folks! (Though, considering what I’ve written about the show in the past, you can be excused for thinking that yours truly may’ve been throwing a celebratory shindig that very evening – but no, didn’t happen”¦)

After that, what have we got? Spider-Man? The Flash? Sable? Birds of Prey, fer gosh sakes? None of those shows lasted long enough for most Americans to even realize they were ON the air, so there was certainly no sentimental outpouring when they left those selfsame airwaves. And syndicated offerings like Swamp Thing, Superboy, and Night Man were off in their own obscure corners of the ever-expanding television schedule, so only their loyalist fans ever took the time to shed a tear or two when their inevitable end came.

The Incredible Hulk? Wonder Woman? Both shows had decent runs, true, but I wouldn’t term either one an across the board hit, either. I’ll be honest here – I only ever watched the debut episode of The Incredible Hulk (though I DID catch the trio of latter day reunion telefilms, which I suppose, was SOME evidence of the show’s enduring appeal amongst a more general public), and just a handful of Wonder Woman episodes, mostly in its forties-era situated initial season. Without actually having viewed their final shows, I’m reasonably certain that they WEREN’T the sort of “hail and farewell, tie up all loose ends” thingies that Friends, Cheers, and Buffy, the Vampire Slayer got to go out on. I think that’s mainly due to the fact that these shows don’t actually go out on their own terms, but were canceled while still desperately trying to hang on.

Which brings us to Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman.

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This show ran four seasons on ABC and was a mild hit for the network. I liked it quite a bit myself (well, at least until the last season, but more on that in a moment). The series was a lot of fun, a nicely done mix of comedy, romance, and adventure, ably acted by an attractive cast. Hey, sorry Noel, Phyllis, and Margot – Teri Hatcher immediately became my favorite Lois Lane – AND the main reason I took a chance on Desperate Housewives last year! Dean Cain did a fine job as well, though I always thought it was interesting that he was made to look more appealing as Clark Kent, with the often wind-swept hair, than he was as Superman, who generally had HIS locks slicked entirely back, making him look like a muscle-bound Gilbert Gottfried! Well, at least he didn’t SOUND like him too”¦Things all went suddenly, shockingly downhill when the pair got hitched during the last season – and no, I wouldn’t blame the show’s deterioration on the mere fact that Lois and Clark married. The concept COULD’VE worked, but only with decent writing, but sadly, decent writing was nowhere to be found that last season. Truth is, I STILL have several of the program’s last episodes on tape somewhere, unwatched. I MEANT to get to them, honest I did, but somehow, I could never quite bring myself to do so, not with the memory of that horrific wedding episode still fresh in mind. I hear tell the couple were thinking about having a baby, but even that intriguing potential storyline wasn’t enough to save the show, and after such a promising start – both quality and popularity-wise – it simply vanished from sight in the spring of 1996. Faster than a speeding bullet indeed”¦

(Gee, y’know, that kid would be ten now, wouldn’t he (or she)? Wonder if he (or she)’s being kept in some kryptonite-aided stasis field buried deep in “Susan’s basement on Wisteria Lane? Hope not, cuz that’d probably be enough to kill THAT show, too”¦)

But y’know, there actually WAS one comics-based network televised program that was given a moderately respectful send-off after a long run: Sabrina The Teenage Witch.

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While hardly of Seinfeld proportions, when Sabrina’s magic finally faded (not to mention star Melissa Joan Hart’s waning youthfulness) in 2002 after seven solid seasons, the folks at ABC were accommodating enough to allow the producers (many of whom were members of the Hart family, coincidentally enough) to do up a final episode, invite a few departed cast members back, and tie up the long-running romance between Sabrina and the mortal Harvey in a reasonably satisfactory manner.Hey, I’ll admit it – I watched every episode!

Partially, that was due to the fact that daughter Julie was six when the show debuted, and she was already a fan of star Hart’s earlier Clarissa Explains It All over on Nickelodeon, so it seemed like it’d be good show for us to watch together, what with its four-color roots. We kept watching because, at least over the first several seasons, it was also a genuinely good show. It was clever, it was hip (Penn and Teller had recurring roles early on, for instance), and it was actually able to pull off the trick of being funny without ever resorting to the pervasive – and oh-so-easy – suggestive material found on every other sitcom, without ever seeming sugar-coated in the process. Look, I have no problem with raunchy yocks, but I had to admire the way Sabrina was able to skillfully avoid them, and yet STILL manage to regularly elicit laughter.

But, after a fast start, the show eventually leveled off, and it seemed as if every year, the concept was overhauled and new background characters were continually rotated in as others were discarded without explanation. They even dumped Sabrina’s two aunts that last season, only one of which later elected to return for the big send-off (Penn and Teller were nowhere in sight either). Sabrina the Teenage Witch got to say goodbye all right, but it was maybe two or three years later than it should have. There were no fluffy interviews eating up time on network news programs to mark its passing. Too bad – I would’ve loved to have witnessed Barbara Walters asking that talking cat what kind of tree he wanted to be!

(Nick Bakay as Salem – he was the TRUE star of that show, and the source of an awful lot of my heart felt guffaws those seven magical years!”¦)

So currently, that leaves us with Smallville.

This show seems to be a hit of sorts, though being on a smaller network, I’m not really sure how wide-ranging a fan-base it truly has. Odds are though, when it does shut down production, it WILL be given the fond farewell salute. The intensity will no doubt fall somewhere between that of Seinfeld and Sabrina (closer to the latter, I’d imagine), and its finale, much like the freshly departed West Wing, will be more of a beginning than an ending. Just as that show morphed into “Mr. Smits Goes To Washington” as Martin Sheen tuned his office over to successor Matt Santos, the eventual end of Smallville can only mean one thing:

SuperMAN.

Gee, I wonder if Gilbert Gottfried’s gonna be available?”¦

Stay tuned”¦

But in the meantime, you can always visit Hembeck.com, my MySpace page, or send along a personal message – ain’t the Internet grand?

Copyright 2006 Fred Hembeck

Comics in Context #133: Swinging Down Broadway

Filed under: Comics in Context — admin @ 10:23 pm

Tarzan’s big fall.
by
Peter Sanderson

May 16, 2006

As regular readers may recall, I celebrate my birthday every year by going to see a new Broadway show. Last year it was Monty Python’s Spamalot (see “Comics in Context” #82), and this year it was Disney Theatrical Productions’ musical Tarzan.

It’s much easier to justify writing about Tarzan in this column, than Spamalot. Though the latter was based on a movie, Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975), which had animated sequences, the Tarzan stage musical is based on Disney’s entirely animated 1999 film, which in turn was inspired by Edgar Rice Burroughs’ novel Tarzan of the Apes. Even apart from the animated film (and Disney’s TV series and direct-to-video Tarzan II, both animated, that followed), Tarzan has a long history in cartoon art. In fact, one of the first Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art exhibitions that I saw was devoted to Tarzan’s history in the comics. Among the important comics artists who have worked on the character are Hal Foster and Burne Hogarth on the Tarzan comic strip, Joe Kubert at DC Comics, and John Buscema at Marvel.

One of the satisfying aspects of seeing a Broadway show on my birthday has been that no matter how old I get, I still seem to be one of the youngest people in the audience. Not so this time. When I bought my ticket on a Saturday afternoon I saw a number of family groups arriving for the matinee, as one would expect for a Disney show. But here I was attending the show on a weeknight, looking at all the twentysomethings sitting around me.

One reason, I suppose, might be that these are people who saw the animated movie when they were kids, and who now want to relive the experience as adults.

Another factor, I would guess, in attracting a younger demographic is the music by Phil Collins, who expanded his score for the movie. There has been rock music on Broadway from Hair through Rent, and Elton John wrote the score for The Lion King and the new “Lestat,” yet it still somehow seems unusual to hear a contemporary pop score like Tarzan‘s on Broadway. On first seeing the animated film I didn’t like the Collins score at all, but found it quite pleasant on seeing the Broadway show. Perhaps my tastes have changed, or perhaps the stage show’s longer score gave me more time to accustom myself to Collins’s style.

The stage Tarzan‘s great triumph is as spectacle. Its director, Bob Crowley, is acclaimed as a stage designer, and he designed both sets and costumes for this production. Moreover, I suspect the influence of Disney Imagineering, which for years has devised theme park attractions which immerse spectators within a fictional world.

Sitting in the audience, waiting for Tarzan to begin, one sees an immense drawing of a ship, gently swaying, against a map of Africa on a black scrim. The sounds of waves are projected into the auditorium, producing a calming effect as theatergoers leave the bustle of Times Square and settle into their seats. When the show begins, so does a storm at sea: there is a crash of thunder and a brilliant flash signifying lightning, which actually raised a shriek from many members of the audience.

Tarzan’s parents John and Alice Clayton, are first seen, seemingly underwater, swimming upward. Then they walk from the water onto an African beach, which is represented by a vertical wall: hence the Claytons are actually walking down a wall.

Soon the gorillas enter, spectacularly swinging from vines. (Burroughs uses a fictional species of “great apes,” perhaps in order to justify the more human elements of their behavior, such as language; Disney’s Tarzan uses gorillas instead.) Virtually the entire cast performs in mid-air over the course of this show; various reviewers compared the effect to watching Cirque du Soleil. At certain points performers even ride through the air over the heads of the audience. (Having read that audience members seated beneath the mezzanine could not see everything that took place in mid-air, I bought a balcony seat, which, for this show, may have been the best choice.)

The entire opening sequence, with the shipwreck of the Claytons, the introduction of the gorillas, the killing of John and Alice Clayton by a black panther (with glowing red eyes), and the adoption of their infant son by the female gorilla Kala, is all performed to Collins’s music but without words, and much of it with the actors suspended from wires, as if the opening were a synthesis of silent movie and aerial ballet.

Crowley’s basic set is a rectangle of bright green layers, successfully evoking the African rain forest while embodying an abstract modernism.

For the most part, the stage musical follows the animated film very closely. For example, as in the film, Jane teaches Tarzan about the outside world through a slide show. One seemingly major departure really isn’t. It has been reported that Chris Rock was originally approached to voice Tarzan’s gorilla friend Terk for the movie, but that he turned it down, seeing racist implications in casting an African-American as an ape; the filmmakers turned Terk into a female, voiced by Rosie O’Donnell. In the stage show Terk is back to being a male, and his wisecracking dialogue shows what the filmmakers originally had in mind when they wanted to cast Rock.

However, the stage Tarzan doesn’t have the title character’s other animal friend, Tantor, the elephant voiced by Seinfeld‘s Wayne Knight in the movie.

There are some things – like putting a convincing elephant onstage – that the stage show can’t do.

Spectacle is the stage Tarzan‘s major strength, and that may explain why the second act is less successful than the first. The movie takes spectacle to levels that the stage show can’t find equivalents for. In the movie Tarzan and friends are held captive aboard the ship of the villain Clayton and break out with the aid of Tantor: this scene is understandably missing from the stage version, but it leaves a dramatic gap.

(The movie’s villain has no real equivalent in Burroughs’ book, and the filmmakers named him Clayton, doubtless to the puzzlement of people who know Burroughs’ story. Clayton is Tarzan’s real last name, but the animated film ignores this.)

In the movie, the evil Clayton has a final confrontation with Tarzan and ends up being strangled (off-camera) by vines, as if he had been hanged. Perhaps the makers of the Broadway version felt this was too gruesome an end to present to family audiences on stage, so their Clayton simply gets locked in the brig. That’s not as dramatic, and, moreover, Clayton doesn’t seem a necessary part of the story on stage, perhaps because the aforementioned shipboard sequence is missing.

The animated movie memorably concludes with a spectacular sequence of Tarzan and Jane sliding and swinging through vines, passing all the other surviving principal characters as they go. It’s the equivalent of the celebratory dance that is a traditional ending of comedy. Without the aid of animation and computers, it is impossible to duplicate this sequence onstage, and the Broadway version ends on a quieter note, with Tarzan and Jane kissing in mid-air. Again, the dramatic impact has been scaled down.

I agree with New York Times drama critic Ben Brantley, who wrote in his May 11 review that after the show’s initial burst of aerial acrobatics, “the thrill is gone”. I found myself getting used to seeing characters soar through the air. Somehow, the aerial feats should ideally have become more astonishing as the show progressed, so that the audience wouldn’t take them for granted.

As the spectacle lessens in dramatic impact in the second act, the show’s essential hollowness becomes clearer. Neither the dialogue nor the performances invest the show with sufficient emotional and psychological depth. That’s a shame since the source material is so powerful in these respects.

At first I thought of watching the animated Tarzan film again to compare it with the stage show. But then I had the better idea of going right to the source, and reading Edgar Rice Burroughs’ original Tarzan of the Apes. I’d read DC’s comics adaptation of the novel, but I’d never read the Burroughs original. Since the book is now in the public domain in the United States (although the Burroughs estate maintains a trademark on the character), I could obtain a free online copy thanks to the Gutenberg Project, and so can you.

I was in for many surprises. First and foremost, I discovered that the book was far better written than I had expected; my only real complaint was the woodenly one-dimensional dialogue and characterization for Tarzan’s real mother, Alice Clayton.

Another surprise was that in the book, Jane is American: in fact, she’s from Baltimore. The Disney version makes her British, but I don’t quarrel with this, since the English accent and initially inhibited Victorian manner that Minnie Driver gives Jane’s voice in the movie, and that actress Jenn Gambatese supplies in the stage version, make the character both funny and endearing in her first encounters with Tarzan and other jungle denizens.

I had assumed that in the book Jane’s father, Professor Porter, would be more like the gruff, stolid character played by C. Aubrey Smith in the 1932 MGM movie adaptation, and that it was the Disney filmmakers’ idea to turn him into a rather childlike eccentric (who is even as short as a child). But no, Disney was actually being surprisingly faithful to Burroughs’ version of the Professor, who is indeed a comedy character. He is so utterly impractical that Jane worries about him as if she were his parent. At one point the Professor engages in a nonsensical argument with his “fussy” assistant, one Samuel T. Philander (an Edward Everett Horton type?), oblivious to the danger presented by a stalking lion. (“Never, Mr. Philander, never before in my life have I known one of these animals to be permitted to roam at large from its cage. I shall most certainly report this outrageous breach of ethics to the directors of the adjacent zoological garden.”)

I’m disappointed that the Disney stage musical makes the Professor taller and duller, since he presents such clear comedic possibilities.

Reading Burroughs’ book also better enables me to explore the mythic archetypes on which the Tarzan story is founded.

Look at this excerpt from an exchange in which Jane Porter discusses Tarzan with a character called Captain Dufranne: “‘I admit that he would be worth waiting for, this superman of yours,’ laughed the captain. ‘I most certainly should like to see him.'”

Edgar Rice Burroughs’ original Tarzan story was first published in All-Story Magazine in 1912 and then in book form in 1914. This was over twenty years before Superman’s debut in Action Comics #1 in 1938. But the word “superman” had already entered the culture as a translation of “ubermensch” from Friedrich Nietzche’s Thus Spoke Zarathustra in the 1880s, which inspired George Bernard Shaw’s 1903 play Man and Superman. Neither Tarzan nor Nietzche’s and Shaw’s “supermen” had literal super-powers.

Nonetheless, Tarzan is definitely one of the group of characters whom I have classified as “proto-superheroes.” In an interview Superman’s co-creator Jerry Siegel, naming influences on the Man of Steel, stated that “there were many: there was Tarzan, who was the greatest action hero of the time. . . .”

Consider the parallels. Each hero has idealized parents who meet dreadful deaths, leaving the hero as an orphaned infant. John and Alice Clayton themselves made the long journey from their advanced civilization (Victorian England) to the comparatively primitive realm (equatorial Africa) where their son was born; Jor-El and Lara dispatched the infant Kal-El in a rocketship from their technologically advanced world, Krypton, to the American farmlands of Earth. Each orphan is found and adopted by a kindly foster parent (Kala) or two (Ma and Pa Kent) in this less sophisticated culture.

It seems odd to compare Ma and Pa Kent to a gorilla (or whatever fictional species of ape Kala might be), and Smallville, Kansas to the jungle home of apes. But the point seems to be that Tarzan and Superman are each like princes whose true identities are unknown and who are raised in lowly circumstances. Tarzan is really a British nobleman, Lord Greystoke, while superman is the son of Krypton’s leading scientist, Jor-El. Not only is Jor-El (in some versions of the Superman legend) a member of the Science Council which governs Krypton’s technocratic society, but in the era of editor Mort Weisinger, Jor-El was a member of the “House of El,” with ancestors who included many of Krypton’s greatest historical figures. Hence, Superman (Kal-El) could be said to be a Kryptonian aristocrat, a member of one of its noble families.

Tarzan and Superman each grows up unaware of what his true identity in his native land is, and instead uses names (Tarzan, Clark Kent) given to him by the culture in which he was raised. Tarzan initially believes that he really is Kala’s son, just as Superman (in various versions of his story) believes he is a native Earthman until he reaches his mid-teens, or even adulthood.

Growing up, Tarzan and Superman each develops into a heroic figure of superior physical prowess. Burroughs concedes that Tarzan is not as strong as one of the dominant male apes, but Burroughs shows how through his superior intelligence and fighting skills, Tarzan can best even the most powerful ape. Moreover, Burroughs shows that through his life in the jungle, Tarzan has not only developed physical prowess greater than that of “civilized” Westerners, but that his senses have also grown more acute than those of normal people. Tarzan may not have actual super-powers, but he comes close.

On the television series Smallville, Clark Kent’s home town seems to be an upscale suburb of Metropolis, but in previous tellings of the Superman legend, Smallville was a genuine small town, far from the big city: Ma and Pa Kent were sometimes even depicted as stereotypical backwoods hicks (see “Comics in Context” #48).

So, another parallel is that Clark Kent/Superman and Tarzan, who each grew up in isolation (to very different degrees) from the rest of society, each must encounter and cope with that society. So it is that Clark Kent moves to Metropolis, and Tarzan encounters other human beings, not only African natives, but white Englishmen and Americans, and eventually journeys to Britain and America.

This process also includes sexual awakening: Tarzan meets Jane, and Superman meets Lois. Reading Burroughs’ account of Jane’s emotions as Tarzan carries her, swinging through the trees, reminded me of Superman carrying Lois in flight over Metropolis in the “Can You Read My Mind?” sequence in Richard Donner’s 1979 Superman movie.

Superman and Tarzan each eventually learns and claims his birth identity – as son of Krypton and as Lord Greystoke – but each ultimately chooses to live in his adopted world: Earth and the African jungle.

It shouldn’t be a surprise, then, that the parallels between Superman and Tarzan have been directly addressed through DC’s “Elseworlds” concept, which recasts the mythos of a superhero in different circumstances.

“The Feral Man of Steel” in Superman Annual #6 (1994) initially appears to be inspired more by Mowgli in Rudyard Kipling’s The Jungle Book: the infant Kal-El’s rocket lands in the jungles of India, where he is adopted and raised by a wolf, and grows up to kill his enemy, the tiger Khan (named after Kipling’s Shere Khan).

But eventually the adult Kal-El encounters explorer Lois Lane, playing the role that Jane does in the Tarzan saga, he gets referred to as an “ape-man,” and ultimately becomes a British knight and marries Lois.

The parallels were made more explicit in the later DC/Dark Horse crossover miniseries, Superman/Tarzan: Sons of the Jungle (2001), in which Kal-El is raised by apes in Africa and is called “Argozan.”

The title Tarzan of the Apes and the references to him as an “ape man” are examples of the way that various superheroes and super-villains are humans who are symbolically linked with animals. Thus, the name of another proto-superhero, Zorro, means “the Fox.” Among true superheroes there are Batman, Spider-Man, Hawkman, the Black Panther, and many more.

Even the eagle symbol on Wonder Woman’s costume, and the wings on Captain America’s cowl, link these characters with animals. All of these heroes seem to be contemporary versions of tribal shaman who dressed as animals in order to take on the powers and even the identities of animal spirits.

Burroughs’ presentation of Tarzan as a mysterious figure who strikes unseen at his native foes reminded me at points of Batman. Of course, Batman, Spider-Man, and Daredevil, swinging from ropes, webbing, and cables through the skyscrapers of modern cities, are conscious or unconscious reworkings of the familiar image of Tarzan swinging on vines through the jungle.

Tarzan is also a forebear for the superheroes who represent both the civilized and animalistic sides of humankind. Robert Louis Stevenson’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, who looks rather apelike in Stevenson’s description, got there first. But Hyde is a villain, whereas Tarzan, who was raised as an ape, is a heroic figure. In their different ways, characters like X-Men’s Beast and Wolverine are the heirs of Tarzan.

Burroughs titles one of Tarzan of the Apes chapters, “The Forest God,” and repeats his description of Tarzan as a “god” or “godlike” numerous times. Sexually attracted to him, Jane thinks, “What a perfect creature! There could be naught of cruelty or baseness beneath that godlike exterior. Never, she thought had such a man strode the earth since God created the first in his own image.”

The idea of Tarzan as a “god” reinforces the aspect of the character as a proto-superhero, who is somehow beyond ordinary humanity.

Notice that Jane specifically compares Tarzan to “the first” man, Adam, who was created in the image of God.

Burroughs emphasizes the violence in Tarzan’s personality, and even tells the readers “That he joyed in killing, and that he killed with a joyous laugh upon his handsome lips betokened no innate cruelty. He killed for food most often, but, being a man, he sometimes killed for pleasure, a thing which no other animal does; for it has remained for man alone among all creatures to kill senselessly and wantonly for the mere pleasure of inflicting suffering and death.” (Actually, as Burroughs describes them, Kerchak and other mean-tempered apes will kill out of sheer hatred.)

Still, perhaps Burroughs intends Tarzan to represent man as he was in the Garden of Eden, before discovering “the knowledge of good and evil.” Even after becoming “civilized,” Tarzan does not “fall”: his union with Jane is like starting the saga of Adam and Eve over again, without the unhappy ending.

Burroughs’ references to Tarzan as a “forest god” mark him as a version of the archetypal figure of the “green man,” a spirit of nature and fertility, linked with the vegetative world. Robin Hood and Peter Pan are variations on the “green man”: so are DC’s Swamp Thing and Marvel’s Man-Thing. The “fertility” aspect results in Tarzan’s sexual appeal for Jane. Could it be that, whether by accident or conscious intent, Tarzan’s famous yell, which Burroughs describes in the first book, is a modern version of the cry of the Greek god Pan, another deity of nature and sexuality, who is both manlike and animal-like?

Certainly the nearly omnipresent green color of Tarzan‘s stage set, and even the green on the posters and program cover, fit right into the character’s “green man” heritage.

One song in the show is titled “Son of Man,” a phrase with unmistakable Christian connotations. Jesus would be another deity who dwells among lesser beings as one of them, but the show doesn’t take the Christ analogy further than that song title.

In reading the end of Burroughs’ book, I thought of another Shaw play, Pygmalion, which is better known today through the musical adaptation, My Fair Lady. Professor Henry Higgins had his hands full transforming the vulgar, uneducated Cockney Eliza Doolittle (whom he initially describes as if she were not even human) into a refined lady who can fit into British high society. Both works are founded on an archetype of self-realization through education, as presented through what nowadays we would call a “makeover.”

Burroughs’ Tarzan must take a far more challenging version of this archetypal journey, starting out as a human who was raised to behave like an ape and becoming a British gentleman. Moreover, Burroughs’ Tarzan is initially his own teacher.

It seems to me that this is the principal character arc of Burroughs’ novel, and it is one to which neither the Disney versions nor other film adaptations that I’ve seen do full justice.

In the Disney animated film Tarzan, the gorillas look like animals, but they speak with each other like humans. Hence they are simultaneously animals and people.

This is a duality that is common to the treatment of animals in cartoons, and something that we accept unquestioningly from early childhood. Consider Elmer Fudd hunting Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. On one level, he is a human and they are animals. We may disapprove of hunting animals for sport, but it’s not illegal to do so. On another level, Bugs and Daffy are really humans in the guise of animals: they can talk, they’re physically built much like humans, they’re as tall as Elmer, and they’re certainly smarter than he is. (Note how easily that Bugs can not only deceive Elmer into thinking he really is human, but even seduce him, simply by donning a wig and dress.) On this level, even if we don’t consciously think about it, it would be murder for Elmer to kill Bugs or Daffy. That’s a major reason why we take their side in the cartoons.

In “Tweety and Sylvester” and “Roadrunner” cartoons, Sylvester and Wile E. Coyote are carnivores stalking their natural prey (as the traditional openings of the “Roadrunner” cartoons, giving the animals mock-Latin scientific names, as if these were nature documentaries, remind us). But since Tweety, and even the Roadrunner, despite his inability to talk, demonstrate human personalities, for Sylvester or Wile E. to succeed in killing and devouring them would smack of murder and cannibalism. Hence, the audience decides that it is better for these two predators to go hungry than for them to kill their natural prey.

In his book Burroughs grants the apes their own language, which is complex enough to bear a touch of the poetic. At one point Kerchak challenges Tarzan thus: “‘Come down, Tarzan, great killer,’ cried Kerchak. ‘Come down and feel the fangs of a greater! Do mighty fighters fly to the trees at the first approach of danger?'”

I was impressed by the way the stage musical gives the audience a dual perspective on Tarzan and the gorillas. When they interact among themselves, they speak in English and act with human grace. But this proves to be both a verbal and visual translation of gorilla language and behavior into our own. When actor Josh Strickland as Tarzan initially interacts with Jane and the other explorers, they hear and see him without benefit of “translation.” He grunts, hunches forward in an ape’s posture, strikes the floor, and generally behaves like a beast.

In Disney’s animated film version of The Lion King, some of the lions are voiced by black Americans (such as James Earl Jones), while others are voiced by white Americans (like Matthew Broderick): the villain Scar is unmistakably voiced as a Caucasian Englishman (by Jeremy Irons).

In Julie Taymor’s direction of The Lion King stage musical, there is no effort to disguise the actors playing the lions and other animals as actual beasts. Instead, they are clearly human beings, many of whom wear masks (which do not always conceal their faces) or manipulate puppets that represent their animal personas. Moreover, the majority of the principal actors are black. Hence The Lion King on stage seems more like a contemporary effort to create a myth about African people. To watch the film is to see cartoon animals voiced by human actors. To watch the stage musical is to see human beings, mostly blacks, playing the roles of animals. This is an important distinction.

I expected that the actors portraying the gorillas in the Tarzan stage musical would be more completely costumed to resemble apes. But no. Instead, they wear what appear to be great masses of fur atop their heads and around portions of their bodies, leaving their faces, limbs, midriffs, and (in the case of the men) chests bare. Some of the performers playing apes are white (such as Shuler Hensley as Kerchak) while others are black (like as Chester Gregory II as Terk). They all look unmistakably like human beings.

It’s like the characters in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Cats. The performers, most of whom are dancers in skin-tight costumes, don’t look or act anything like real cats. They come across instead as a rather oddly garbed community of bohemian humans.

In contrast with Burroughs’ novel, there are no actual African natives in Disney’s Tarzan on stage or on film. Since the “apes” in the stage Tarzan look so clearly human, it is even easier to regard Kerchak, Kala and company as stand-ins for African tribespeople.

I’ve heard television newsman Chris Matthews say a few times that movies, no matter what period they are set in, are actually about the time in which they were made.

This certainly applies to Disney’s Tarzan, which becomes a parable for today’s multiracial, multicultural society. Just as mutants in X-Men are metaphors for minorities of any kind, the gorillas in Disney’s Tarzan become metaphors for people of non-Western culture, and specifically Africans. The message is that we’re all alike under the skin, and that the gorillas’ culture and society are just as valid as that of the white British and American characters like the Porters and Clayton.

Maybe this is the reason behind the change that the stage version makes in the movie’s Clayton, the villain who insists that gorillas are animals to be caged or shot. In the movie Clayton is portrayed as an arrogant, macho Brit, the “great white hunter” of popular fiction presented as a villain by contemporary standards. The stage musical turns Clayton into an American with a thick Southern accent, conjuring the stereotype of a racist redneck.

In the Disney versions Tarzan is tempted to go back to England with the Porters, and even dons a suit at one point. But in the end he stays in Africa, as do the Porters: a new community is created, which combines humans and gorillas living together in harmony.

Burroughs’ Tarzan and Jane, in the later books, prefer living in Africa to living in America or Europe. But Burroughs does not perceive living amid the society of apes as a viable alternative for a human being. Although Burroughs gives his great apes a language, he does not have them speak that often in this first Tarzan novel. Moreover, he emphasizes that the apes’ language and their intelligence are severely limited in comparison with humans. (Burroughs seems to have anticipated later studies that revealed that chimpanzees have a limited form of language.) Burroughs only partly anthropomorphizes his ape characters. Ultimately, he insists that they are animals, and that Tarzan, as a human, cannot confine himself to their level.

This differentiates Burroughs from Kipling, who portrays certain of his Jungle Book characters as being wiser than human beings.

In the Disney versions, the villain Clayton kills Kerchak, the gorilla who is Tarzan’s foster father. Tarzan mourns Kerchak’s death, and the Disney version treats it as a murder, for which Clayton must be punished.

But in Burroughs’ book, it is Tarzan who kills Kerchak, who was trying to kill him. In part this is an Oedipal struggle against a sinister father. It is also Burroughs’ effort at depicting the savagery of Tarzan’s world; it is not unlike how Robert E. Howard’s Conan murders the king of Aquilonia on his throne and seizes his crown.

I think that this is also a sign that although by killing Kerchak, Tarzan makes himself “King of the Apes,” this is not the world he should stay in. In Burroughs’ book, the only ape that Tarzan truly cares for is his foster mother Kala. Burroughs kills her off, severing Tarzan’s only real emotional tie to the world of the apes.

Instead, after becoming the apes’ king, Tarzan distances himself from them. He increasingly spends his time at the cabin of his deceased human parents, where he has taught himself to read by studying their books. “As he had grown older, he found that he had grown away from his people. Their interests and his were far removed. They had not kept pace with him, nor could they understand aught of the many strange and wonderful dreams that passed through the active brain of their human king. So limited was their vocabulary that Tarzan could not even talk with them of the many new truths, and the great fields of thought that his reading had opened up before his longing eyes, or make known ambitions which stirred his soul.”

I can accept Burroughs’ notion that Tarzan could teach himself the meaning of nouns from studying picture books. Burroughs admits that it would be harder for Tarzan to decipher the meaning of verbs or other parts of speech; nevertheless, he does so, hard as I may find it to believe this.

It strikes me that Tarzan’s self-education has a literary precedent: that of Frankenstein’s monster in Mary Shelley’s novel. In both cases, the popular conception of the character is that he is inarticulate, knowing only a few words, yet in their original novels, each learns to speak intelligently and even beautifully.

In the cases of both Tarzan and Shelley’s Monster, the important point is that each taught himself: each was driven to learn, to improve himself, to rise from utter ignorance of human culture to become as fully human as possible.

Burroughs’ book even solves various questions that had puzzled me in various Tarzan adaptations. Why does he wear a loincloth, since apes wear no clothing? Burroughs shows that after Tarzan learns that humans wear clothing, he decides to do so too, precisely in order to set himself apart from the apes. How come Tarzan doesn’t have a beard? Burroughs explains that he teaches himself to shave because Tarzan thinks hair on his face makes him look too apelike. Why doesn’t Tarzan, ignorant of civilized human behavior, just rape Jane? I was surprised to see that Burroughs actually addresses the question: he has Tarzan consider taking Jane by force, but Tarzan decides against it because he is intelligent enough to perceive that humans may have different sexual customs than apes. I find this somewhat hard to believe, too, but it fits in with Burroughs’ theme of Tarzan’s overriding agenda of self-improvement.

Eventually Tarzan meets and befriends his own version of Henry Higgins, the Frenchman Paul d’Arnot, a man of refined manners, who serves as the ape man’s mentor in the ways of Western civilization. Burroughs’ narration tells us that “So apt a pupil had he been that the young Frenchman had labored assiduously to make of Tarzan of the Apes a polished gentleman in so far as nicety of manners and speech were concerned.”

Towards the end of the book, a greatly changed Tarzan meets Jane once more, this time on her home ground of Baltimore, to propose marriage. “‘You are free now, Jane,’ he said, ‘and I have come across the ages out of the dim and distant past from the lair of the primeval man to claim you – for your sake I have become a civilized man – for your sake I have crossed oceans and continents – for your sake I will be whatever you will me to be. I can make you happy, Jane, in the life you know and love best. Will you marry me?'” Tarzan’s arc in the novel encapsulates mankind’s own evolution from his animal origins through barbarism to civilization, or, if you prefer, every man’s growth from an infant that is incapable of adult thinking through childhood into mature adulthood, with love, marriage and feminine virtues as socializing influences.

Burroughs’ point is that Tarzan has even gone surpassed supposedly enlightened Western civilization. Burroughs’ book propounds the familiar theme that “civilized” people are more uncivilized than they pretend to be.

Sweeney Todd, Burroughs latches upon the theme of cannibalism. Apparently unaware that gorillas are primarily vegetarians, Burroughs has his great apes kill and eat apes from other “tribes,” whom they regard as enemies. Not particularly enlightened on racial matters, Burroughs also portrays African natives as cannibals. Even the white mutineers who take over the Porters’ ship are driven to cannibalism.

But Tarzan, Noble Savage that he is, will not engage in cannibalism. In part this is due to Burroughs’ odd interpretation of genetics: Tarzan has inherited a good Englishman’s inner sense of morality. “How may we judge him, by what standards, this ape-man with the heart and head and body of an English gentleman, and the training of a wild beast?” asks Burroughs. He goes on, “All he knew was that he could not eat the flesh of this black man, and thus hereditary instinct, ages old, usurped the functions of his untaught mind and saved him from transgressing a worldwide law of whose very existence he was ignorant.”

But Tarzan is also uncorrupted by human society. In the latter part of the book, a man named Robert Canler, takes advantage of the Porters’ financial difficulties and attempts to marry her. “Do you realize that you are buying me, Mr. Canler?” Jane asks him. Burroughs makes it clear that Canler is little different from Terkoz, an ape who earlier had abducted Jane, attempting to force her to become his mate. Tarzan thwarts both these sexual predators.

At the book’s end, Tarzan and Jane acknowledge their love for each other, but Jane feels honor bound to marry William Cecil Clayton, who has inherited Tarzan’s father’s title and wealth. Neither Clayton nor Jane knows that Tarzan is the true heir, the real Lord Greystoke. But d’Arnot has discovered the truth, and communicates it to Tarzan. “Here was the man who had Tarzan’s title, and Tarzan’s estates, and was going to marry the woman whom Tarzan loved – the woman who loved Tarzan,” Burroughs writes about Clayton. “A single word from Tarzan would make a great difference in this man’s life. It would take away his title and his lands and his castles, and – it would take them away from Jane Porter also.”

Rather like Clark Kent denying to Lois Lane that he is Superman, Tarzan conceals his true identity for the sake of the happiness of the woman he loves, but feels he cannot have. In the book’s final line, Tarzan tells Clayton, “I never knew who my father was.”

In later Tarzan stories Burroughs reunited Tarzan with Jane and had them wed. But the ending of this first Tarzan novel is significant. How many “civilized” people would act as generously and selflessly? This is as much an act of heroism as Tarzan’s physical combats earlier in the book.

It shows just how far Tarzan has progressed: from savage ape man to a truly noble man who is capable of such a grand gesture of self-denial to assure the happiness of another person. Imagine seeing an actor who was capable of presenting this sort of self-transformation onstage? Now there would be a drama to remember.

Copyright 2006 Peter Sanderson

May 12, 2006

Trailer Park: Air Sickness

Filed under: Trailer Park — admin @ 9:01 pm

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR | By Christopher Stipp

May 12, 2006

Air Sickness

Can you believe I am still hooked on this little corner of The InterWeb? Head on over to MySpace and say hey. Judging by the number of views I get every Friday when this notice appears I couldn’t be more pleased that some of you are stopping by to view what NBC no doubt has made people believe is a den for pedophelia and underage solicitations. I just wish Dateline would do more of those undercover operations to catch more of those pervs who are all boner-ed up and are willing to drive two hours just to be busted by that Tele-Prom-Ter pretty boy Chris Hansen.

Speaking of sex with minors, did anyone get sick while watching UNITED 93?

I ask this as a question because, physically, I not only had to throw my eyes off the screen about half way through the picture but, when I arrived back home, I had to toss back a couple of Pepto-Bismols just to calm my stomach. A few years ago I went to see Greengrass’ BLOODY SUNDAY. I thought the story was solid, the perspective on the event really brought home the issues which triggered the events that transpired and I got just as sick watching it as I did for UNITED 93.

Now, I know I can’t be the only one. Hell, a few people exiting the theaters mentioned that they felt queasy as well but I never once was given a warning that people who might have a predilection towards this sort of thing could possibly have a crap night at the multiplex.

I don’t bring this up as a fault of Paul’s. Like I mentioned, I braved BLOODY SUNDAY and I went through this one all the way to the end. I almost didn’t make it through 93 but I did because his filmmaking represents something important and I wanted to support that. For ever loving God, though, I cannot say that I’m going to go out again to the movies just to have my stomach rattled. I will admit, though, I was getting a little testy by the film’s end because I just envisioned Paul’s directorial technique being that of requiring he do all his shooting on a half dozen paint shakers.

“Oooh, fer craps sake, lad, do’ya got that ting set on ‘1 gallon.’ No, pappy, no, no, no. Crank that fooker up to the ‘Industrial Behemoth’ setting. Now git from the set before you think about stealin’ me Lucky Chaaarms.”

I’d like to think he’s not trying to get anyone sick but as the movie played out I was reminded of my own swervey hand as I filmed my first full-length movie, THE TRIAL OF G.I. JOE (which I still have securely placed in a secret location where no one will ever see it), that I shot with my friend Brandon Murphy in Barrington, Illinois, in the summer of 1988. If ever there was a lesson I learned as I replayed our solidly wretched short film (I even had special effects as I lit a helpless GI Joe up in flames using rubbing alcohol) was that you’ve got to really be mindful of picture stability.

At the end of the day you do not want your audience physically reacting to your movie in a way you don’t intend but just glancing at all the reviews I am sure people like me are just a minority. There are some of us out there, though, who are not meant to sail gently on the open oceans, join the Navy or go any Disney attraction that uses the “illusion” of motion. We’ve failed the evolutionary process somehow, I know. We’re part of the weaker variety of homo sapiens but some of us just can’t take the abuse that jittery camera movements incite in our stomachs.

I’m not advocating that Greengrass’ movie somehow suffers from this style he obviously loves employing but I am disappointed that I could not fully take in his ultimate vision because of my prediliction for stablity.

Now, before you’re let to chew on this week’s trailers I have to make sure that if you’re any sort of fan of this column you must check out the trailer for THE LAKE HOUSE. After watching and rewatching and rewatching some more of this trailer I can state with a great amount of certainty that this is a chick flick I can get behind. The song “Somewhere Only We Know” is perfectly matched up with the vibe of the video shown and I have to be honest that this trailer really does deserve a spot in the Top 10 so far in 2006 for being able to delicately balance despair, hope, love, affection and that sense that you really need to see this movie in a delicious little package. Keanu and Sandra are back again and let me be the first one to state that I hope the flick is as good as the trailer.

I don’t know why this preview has such a hold on me (I’ve been sitting on the review now for almost 3 weeks) but I invariably cue up the Keane song on my iPod while working out and wish that this is really a solid romance flick. I don’t need Julia Roberts’ horsey smile, I don’t need Jennifer Aniston’s faux preening about a love lost but I am pulling for Sandra Bullock to come correct one more time like she did in CRASH and 28 DAYS to give me something to believe in.

Check out the trailer on the movie’s homepage and tell me what you think. It’s not often that I let the soft underbelly show for the world to see but I have to give credit where it’s due and it’s due right here.


MEET THE ROBINSONS (2007) Director: Stephen J. Anderson
Cast: Angela Bassett, Paul Butcher, Jessie Flower, Spencer Fox, Jordan Fry, Daniel Hansen, Tom Kenny, Wesley Singerman, Harland Williams
Release: March 30, 2007
Synopsis: Boy genius invents a machine that recovers forgotten memories, and inadvertently travels forward in time, where he encounters a family whose survival depends on his ingenuity.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Leery. It couldn’t be worse than CHICKEN LITTLE.

I couldn’t be more sure than any animated film that utilized Pixar-like animation could have been more messed up than that turd nugget. I mean, really, when you have three discordant storylines converging in an inglorious explosion of confusion and lameness you’ve got the ingredients for a bad movie. Even if it is a kids movie the children, and the adults taking them, deserve better.

This movie, though, looks a little more focused than its previous studios’ offering. One of the very first things you notice about this flick is the full-on animated rendering of the evil villain. The guy is everything you would want in a maniacal antagonist. He’s rocking a dashingly devilish cape, dons a twisty moustache that will, hopefully, be twirled from time to time and has got a mouthful of jacked teeth that any Briton would be envious of.

Now, the hero of this tale is a Jimmy Neutron nerd of sorts. I could see the wagon wheels rolling off this gravy train should the kid develop an annoying parlance that includes copious amounts of the words “awesome” or “cool” but from what is revealed here there isn’t any indication of that.

The kid in this movie looks like he’ll be “playing” off the eccentric family members that comprise the people who he has never known existed”¦until now. Yes, the heavy handed goofiness that seems to make this flick look more cartoonish than it does reflective of the smart writing which has come out of Pixar is a little disconcerting. You’ve got impossibly weird and odd moments that threaten to make this movie solely enjoyable to just the little ones but you’ve also got this one moment at the end of the trailer that made me hope there is something more to this movie.

A woman extols the wonderful effects of the caffeine patch and while it’s superficially funny the general sense of goofiness and slapstick that’s employed is promising to me.

Animated movies have raised the general bar insofar that the greats have challenged the accepted notion that kids movies are animated; adults are being included in the making of the films, their presence being recognized in well-written moments for them, while respecting the kids who ultimately will want to see these films.

CHICKEN LITTLE failed as a film, at least in execution, because of its exclusion of material that would entertain the adults who had accompany their kids to the theater. TOY STORY knew how to play to this part of the audience and so did a handful of other memorable animated movies. These things aren’t just for kids. Disney would do well to remember that.


THE OMEN(2006) Director: John Moore
Cast: Liev Schreiber, Julia Stiles, Mia Farrow, David Thewlis, Pete Postlethwaite, Michael Gambon, Seamus Fitzpatrick
Release: June 6, 2006
Synopsis: A remake of the 1976 horror classic The Omen (1976), an American official realizes that his young son may literally be the devil incarnate.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Ahh..No. I really didn’t see the original.

I figured, Satan incarnate in a little boy, starts some smack, some people die, there’s some wicked climax and somehow, some way, the kid somehow survives; saved myself the hour and a half, I figure.

The power of Christ, I guess, compelled some people to make this picture again except I don’t know who is supposed to be the evil one: Damian or Julia Stiles. One is evil on the screen and the other is just an unsuspecting little boy.

Never minding my own bias against the whimsy blonde I am a fan of the opening sequence. You’ve got a full-on carnival going on in the backyard of this rich kid’s place. I don’t see any carnies or cotton candy machine so I have to call shenanigans on the realism but I am a big big fan of the nasty look our little blue eyed devil child gives one of the help as this leads to a great way to start things off: a public hanging.

The woman who kills herself does it with great flair, getting people’s attention before she tosses herself of a very tall home. It’s shocking, jolting.

“He’s cold as ice”¦”

I also appreciate the following snippet of Damian riding in the car with his parents. He stares at a church steeple while Julia takes his boy’s temperature as he keeps his eyes fixated on the visage of Christ and Co.

The two steps back from the one step forward occurs when Damian is let loose in the monkey house at the zoo. The path of children that cut a line away from this demon dog is wonderfully captured but when Julia asks her beanie boy what the matter is he just explains that, “They’re afraid.” I don’t paraphrase Eddie Murphy’s comedy too much but just like in Amityville Horror when the house says to get out you can be damn sure the sounds of rubber wheeling away from the house is a lot more understandable than staying with it. When you’ve got a child who tosses deadly glances, is obviously not high on life and seems to cut a path of quiet destruction wherever he goes it might be time to take the kid back from whence it came.

Then, after Mia Farrow shows up (Huh?) and says that she’s there to protect Damian we get the man, the myth, the legend: Pete Postlethwaite. I wish he were in every movie to come out in 2006 but it looks like I have to settle with him being in this. His role here seems to be that of the concerned priest who knows what that little snot is capable of and wants to do what he can to subvert the kid’s lifespan.

The imagery is rich with confusing and interesting moments that have NO connection to one another, nor do they add any context to the film. I’m not sure why we’re not given more about what these weird moments mean. And it’s not just a few things here or there but when we get a 80’s era synth soundtrack that is embedded underneath video clips of weird looking people, evil dudes who wear silk robes, police who figure walking into a church with their laser sights ready to shred whatever pops up in front of them or this little boy looking even more evil than he is I am not sure what the point is supposed to be.

Am I supposed to be afraid or confused? I’m afraid it’s the latter.


THE LAKE HOUSE (2006) Director: Alejandro Agresti
Cast: Sandra Bullock, Keanu Reeves, Dylan Walsh, Shohreh Aghdashloo, Christopher Plummer
Release: June 16, 2006
Synopsis: An independent-minded doctor (Bullock) who once occupied an unusual lakeside home begins exchanging letters with its newest resident, a frustrated architect (Reeves) and discovers that, incredibly, they are living two years apart. As they begin to reveal more of themselves to one another through their continuing correspondence, they find themselves falling in love. Determined to bridge the distance between them and unravel the mystery behind their extraordinary romance, they tempt fate by arranging to meet. But by trying to join their two separate worlds, they could risk losing each other forever.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: My list of the top trailers for 2006 is getting a little crowded. For those who can stomach it, this is a glowing review of what could be a very well made drama. For those who dare not tread down this written river Styx please turn away now or feel the power of what a great pop song and some compelling visuals does to me.

I don’t like people who eschew television and feel the need to point it out.

I’m of the mindset that those people are just the kind of Luddites who need to be tossed in a raging river with a gunnysack tied taught around their feet. There’s crap, sure, on television but have any of you checked out that show, Dwell, on Fine Living? (Check your local satellite provider for times and dates”¦) There isn’t a lot I enjoy but when that show pops up on my television I can’t not watch. For example, a few weeks ago, I see some dudes who bought a house together in Texas because it damn near is completely see-through on an open prairie. They don’t care about showering in the open because there’s no one really around to spy on them. I don’t know about that and I sure don’t know about this movie.

Sure, Sandra Bullock proved she could do drama well last year in CRASH. I was impressed and I’m glad that she’s back again in a role that has her a little more sullen than her usual bubbly self.

“I sometimes feel as if I’m invisible”¦”

Okay, Sandra’s narrating and we see people playing on a skating rink when she’s uttering some lines about how she feels so isolated and alone. I don’t know what one has to do with the other but, essentially, I get it. Then she starts going off about how “The Lake House,” this wicked awesome looking place where you could get your groove on in 360 degree delight, made her feel alive or something. In some way, shape or form she feels that the place gives her these super powers to not feel like killing herself. That’s what I take away from the conversation at least.

Then, whoa, Keanu steps in. HE owns the place too. Things get real sci-fi when we grok that Keanu and Sandra live in the same house but exist two years apart YET can communicate with one another via snail mail.

The lilting music and non-threatening storyline, one that will not garner Oscar, Golden Globe or Entertainment Tonight’s rapturous gaze, is cheesy, yes, but the trailer is doing a great job of sucking me into its world. Just assuming that this is possible in the writer’s world I like the fun the two of them are having with this relationship. It comes through really well in the preview of how both of these players see this movie as an excuse to have a little fun with one another.

And, I’ll tell you what, I’ll be goddamed if I didn’t love the way these two react to one another without ever being on screen, side-by-side. When you get these people alone, I take it, they are free to respond to the material in their own way without having to “feed off” of anyone else around them and I’d like to think that this Sandra, this Keanu, was what could have been years ago had big budget and big blockbuster expectations not been a consideration.

I just about shiat myself when we get a perfect musical selection “Somewhere Only We Know” by Keane comes on and then we get the montage that usually always plagues flicks like this. I don’t know why and I can’t really describe it but as these two kids are corresponding two years from one another yet able to get notes back and forth to one another it just starts to pull gently at you.

If you give yourself over to the notion that this could be more than just a watch it once, throw it away kind of flick, the music that begs you to listen can be something actually worth sitting through. And it’s about this time when I see this movie is coming to me from a Pulitzer Prize winning author. Not that this means a whole helluva lot but the fact that this is also where I peep this flick is happening around Chicago means two thumbs up to me; you’ve always got to appreciate when the circus comes to your town.

Besides all that this is one of the better looking dramas that will, hopefully, not require too much out of me as a viewer and for that I would be eternally grateful in this era of hysterics and SFX.

Scrubs Blog: Week 26

Filed under: Production Blogs,Quickcasts,Scrubs Blog,Video — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:43 pm
scrubsheader.jpg


VIDEO BLOG #52: “My Ring of Fire” ““
Sometimes it doesn’t pay to show off your mad scooter skillz.

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Download Scrubs Video Blog #52:

  • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 50.42 MB)
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“THE TODD” BLOG #15: The Todd’s Match –
Yes, even “The Todd” ““ the omnisexual surgeon played by Robert Maschio  ““ has been keeping a blog, and here’s his latest entry.

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Download The Todd Video Blog #15:

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May 5, 2006

Trailer Park: Revenge of This Nerd

Filed under: Trailer Park — admin @ 9:00 pm

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR |By Christopher Stipp

May 5, 2006

Revenge of This Nerd

Five weeks and it’s still raging on with my presence over ‘dere at MySpace and I couldn’t be more pleased with the people checking in just to say hello or to peep what it is that’s on the brain from week to week and so I hope that if you’re around you do the same as it’s nice to hear from you all out there.

I am troubled this week by the announcement of Fox’s decision to go through with a REVENGE OF THE NERDS remake.

Now, I am fully aware that the crap sequels that followed NERDS IN PARADISE (Hell yeah I like that movie. Where else could you see a burgeoning Bradley “West Wing” Whitford, fresh off his role as Mike Todwell from ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING? Answer: Right here) were a disgrace to all that was an exploitative, crass and altogether boss kind of benchmark for 80’s comedies.

I think there was some n00b in an executive suite all those greenlights ago and somehow managed to figure out what kind of blood could be freshly squeezed from the rock that franchise. By taking the actors’ salaries and making it inversely proportional to the quality of the script there was some kind of odd wizardry going on that kept this series alive. I don’t bother to assume I know how these things keep going or why they’re not euthanized when it’s painfully obvious that not even Booger’s marriage to that one wierd looking chick from POLICE ACADAMY 4 (You know, the one who had eyes that could see approaching predators and core an apple with a single spin against her overbite?) could save this property.

Relaunches are all the rage lately, from the SUPERMAN franchise getting a nice reboot to the BOND franchise, well, getting a much needed downsizing, but something like the NERDS deserves more than just a retelling of the same story with the possibility of getting some of the original cast to cameo in it. For a movie like this what you need is someone who “gets” why the original really captured the zeitgeist of the era. In an age far beyond just normal do-goodism and the very public cracking down on all things even hinting at salaciousness in the media what you want is someone who is going to buck every notion of decorum and give the movie going public what it wants: offensive humor. That’s all, that’s it, it’s not so much to ask. I realize I am perhaps the only person so touched by the news of this REVENGE OF THE NERDS remake but I feel protective of matters of such importance.

Also along the lines of matters of importance I would like to issue a comment about the impending MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 3 explosion that’s threatening to take over my television, radio and print media. I think while it’s been fun, hell, great fun, to watch that little Tom monkey fling his poo wherever there’s an available reporter to comment on his placenta eating desires it is important as moviegoers to see whether JJ an Co. have crafted a good summer movie. We’ve been assaulted as of late with tired fare at the box office and it is movies like this which will hopefully ballast our frazzled decisions of whether it’s going to be SCARY MOVIE or AMERICAN DREAMZ that we’re going to capitulate on. I think the summer movie season is an admirable one and no one more than me is eager to see whether MISSION deserves a break for Tom’s batshi$ crazy antics.

Let the popcorn flow like wine because it’s studio tentpole time…


LIVE FREE OR DIE (2006) Director: Gregg Kavet, Andy Robin
Cast: Aaron Stanford, Paul Schneider, Michael Rapaport, Kevin Dunn, Zooey Deschanel, Ebon Moss-Bachrach, Judah Friedlander
Release: Who knows…
Synopsis: Lackluster criminals look to pull a job in the Granite State.
View Trailer:
* Medium (Flash)

Prognosis: Crap. This movie won an award for Best Feature at the SXSW festival?

Seriously?

I can say with some certainty, and a little authority, that this is a really poor trailer. If you want the short version of the review it would be that this trailer depends on its players using the word “fuck” or “shit” in ways that would be amusing to a boy of thirteen but to someone who’s thirty it just feels like it’s not so much selling a movie as it is trying to put on a “funny” front.

The whole point of making a trailer is to package your film in a way that’s digestible for the most amount of people in the hopes it attracts viewers of all levels. True, whoever made this trailer made the conscious point of including a lot of swearing as a point of interest. They wanted to showcase this facet of the movie. However, and I would argue, that, out of context, swearing does nothing more than showcase the fact that your actors are juveniles who need nothing more than our complete disregard for their actions if this is the kind of sell they’re going after.

However, in the light of equal time I will try and give this thing the respect it so deservedly is begging to receive.

We start with our protagonist claim he is a “stone, fucking killer” and that he’s killed people with his bare, “fucking hands.” I’m not sure if I am to laugh or this is the point where this movie becomes about one man’s quest to kill as many people as he can.

Said protagonist seems to be scouring the landscape for more people to completely work over although that’s just speculation on my part. The trailer is taking a lot of time to put the spotlight on the “crazy” antics of our man Friday here as a way, ostensibly, to show how much fun we’re going to have just by following this dude around as he rips up the land around him. He gets a tall, Lloyd from DUMB AND DUMBER looking dude to tag along with him, providing an extra level of comedy.

Plot points? I don’t have any to explain because, frankly, I haven’t got any myself out of this thing.

I do, though, get an idea when these band of misfits pick up a third and decide to go thieving. I honestly would’ve liked to have some clue as to why these guys are out ripping people off and decimating stores, I might actually have some genuine interest in allying myself to one of them but no, none of that’s forthcoming. I do get Judah Friedlander playing every single mumble-mouthed, big glasses wearing, monotone gimmick actor he’s played in every other movie as he’s given way too much time to just do his thing.

The ending of this trailer is just filled with enough explicative dropping I wonder if there’s any original kind of dialogue in this movie that isn’t peppered with the f-word.

I think it’s funny to have an obscene movie, 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN proved that last year, but what set that movie and this movie apart was that its advertising (GASP) managed to exclude anything hinting that it was going to be as blue as it was. There’s nothing held back here and, to me, that’s a bad thing.


THREE TIMES (2006) Director: Hsiao-hsien Hou
Cast: Chen Chang, Mei Di, Su-jen Liao, Fang Mei, Qi Shu
Release: April 26, 2006 (Limited)
Synopsis: Three stories set in three times, 1911, 1966 and 2005. Two actors play the two main characters in each story.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. It’s often, I would say it isn’t but it is, when I see a foreign language film and wonder how long it will be until the story is appropriated by a domestic studio and regurgitated in a form that either dilutes the original spark or until the movie is picked up and sat on like it’ll ripen with every month that goes by without a release (i.e. NIGHTWATCH, SHAOLIN SOCCER); this movie, though, seems safe from either of those impulses as IFC Films has been an excellent distributor of films that would normally just get a weak release from any of the majors.

What appealed to me most initially, then, is not so much the content but the premise. Jonsing for a peek at Aronofsky’s THE FOUNTAIN has resulted in being open to stories of just this kind. Taking place in three different time periods is a move that could either yield genuine drama or could seem like a convenient ploy, gimmick. When you see, right out of the gate, Jim Jarmusch laying out the superlatives and hyperbole for this director, Hou Hsiao-Hsien, you feel a connection to someone who many might not be familiar with. I certainly was not.

Also, I very much liked the display of film festivals this movie has played at as it doesn’t linger too long and it efficiently, deservedly, establishes credibility. Also, we’re not talking about meager festivals. This one has bowed at Cannes, Telluride and Toronto.

Our first shot is of a young woman playing some snooker. Regardless of how well she plays, it is the man standing behind her that catches our eye. The music is smoky, appropriate. What’s more, regarding the tune, it somehow fits the next scenes of our three eras being represented in tri split screen. Even though these two protagonists are going to be together somehow, someway, the chemistry is instant.

Even when we’re given the obvious, the three dates being stamped on the screen the melding of the three time periods is seamless. Somehow you just feel the authenticity of this man and woman.

The first real dialogue that’s spoken, subtitled for our pleasure, feels a little indulgent in the vein of high falutian mushiness that really only exists in cinema but that’s ok; sometimes you want to believe in the power of real strong agape between two people and if you earn it this is the arena where it can be allowed.

Seeing A.O. Scott’s blurb is de regur for a movie like this. Even though you want to believe your flick is strong enough on its own you still want to revert, at least in marketing, to those things which will get people to come out of their hovels to see a film like this.

The ending is a little quiet, a little reserved but the action on the screen is yearning for someone to pay attention to this woman who seems to be suffering from some kind of heartache. The fact that you can infer this from a foreign language trailer speaks volumes about the strength of the material. Highly anticipated.


AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH (2006) Director: Davis Guggenheim
Cast: Al Gore
Release: May 24, 2006
Synopsis: Eloquently weaves the science of global warming with Al Gore’s personal history and lifelong commitment to reversing the effects of global climate change. A longtime advocate for the environment, Gore presents a wide array of facts and information in a thoughtful and compelling way. The film is not a story of despair but rather a rallying cry.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Always consider the source. I tell you what living in Arizona makes it hard for me to tell you what I think of global warming.

When the average temperature hits over 100 degrees every damn summer day I would sooner believe that the world is going to melt at any moment than try to gauge what is going on with the rest of the world, scientifically, as it pertains to global warming. The fundies would have you believe it’s due to homosexuals getting their swerve on and, thus, God’s getting his wrath on. The democrats would attribute it to big corporate greed getting in the way of sound environmental policy. And the republicans would just as soon say there isn’t a problem at all and that how dare we bring this up when there is a war that is threatening our family’s lives?

I don’t know what to believe but I do like the interesting approach to getting this trailer started.

“At Sundance it received three standing ovations”¦”

Like any good piece of propaganda, and remember that every movie with a viewpoint is propaganda no matter how “teh awesome,” the flashes of extreme weather moments is very effective. The clips go by awfully quick but the snippets of palm trees bending, video of hurricane movements and the stark pictures of nuclear power plants are begging us to do the math about what these threes have in common. Since I’m pretty stupid I don’t have a clue.

More extreme shots of limp waterfalls, deforestation, tornadoes ring the point that’s about to be made.

“If you love your planet”¦
If you love your children”¦
You have to see this film.”

Yeah, I have a problem with that. What I loathe about exploitative news reporting and mainstream journalism as of late is that I am assaulted by teasers that constantly threaten either my or my family’s life with information that they have to tell me but can’t share until I tune in at 10:00 pm. This film’s marketing is essentially doing the same thing and I don’t appreciate it as a tactic.

“By far the most terrifying film you will ever see.”

Huh? I would hope that this film is being ironic because no person would have the brass satchels to make that kind of comment unless we were getting archival footage of Vlad the Impaler impaling. No, we’re getting some egg heads talking about hot weather using the same kind of scare tactics used by Newsroom Channel 5.

“The consensus is that WE are causing global warming.”

Sigh.

Ok, Al Gore states that humans are the cause for global warming and even though I was horrid at life sciences I at least know that nugget of gold information. What else could’ve caused it? The wanton expulsion of methane gas from dairy cows?

Anyway, Gore goes on to show us the dry beds of land in Patagonia many decades ago and what it looks like now, appearing to become the next Great Lake. We see before and after shots of Mt. Kilimanjaro. The night and freaking day difference between these two landmasses and the environmental effects they’ve endured is actually interesting, kids.

The latter half of this trailer’s presentation of how bad global policy has resulted in things like Hurricane Katrina is at once compelling while also causing my BS Detector 2000 to activate. Does causal relationships mean relation? I don’t know but this trailer would have me believe it to be true.

While this trailer suffers from bad slanting of information nothing is more amusing than the last few moments where the music gets real dramatic and the music ramps up to action movie speed.


SYMPATHY FOR LADY VENGEANCE (2006) Director: Chan-wook Park
Cast: Bu-seon Kim, Byeong-ok Kim, Shi-hoo Kim, Dae-yeon Lee, Seung-Shin Lee, Yeong-ae Lee
Release: April 28th, 2006 (Limited)
Synopsis: Lee Geum-Ja, at the age of 19, goes to prison for the murder and abduction of a child on behalf of her accomplice Mr. Baek, only to find out that she is betrayed. While in prison, she carefully prepares for her revenge by winning the hearts of her fellow inmates with her kindness, thus earning herself the nickname ‘kind Ms. Geum-Ja’. Upon her release from prison after 13 years, she finally sets out to seek revenge on Baek, with the help of her former prison mates.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Revenge is a dish best served like this. Interesting.

Real interesting.

While I have yet to indulge completely in the Internet favorite. OLDBOY, this trailer really grabs me in a way that is reminiscent of AMELIE, where things don’t really jive with an actual reality, per se, but of a stylized reality where perception is the lens through which we see the movie’s world.

The opening is wonderfully composed.

The lighting of a single candle with the sound of a bell going off is not how one would expect to open a movie where violence will be on the proverbial menu.

The font of the movie’s establishment of the director of this movie, along with the places where this movie has played, is regal, stately. The animation that runs beneath the credits kind of sows the idea that there is a sinister underpinning to everything that we’re going to see.

The trailer also gets kudos for not messing around and getting right down to it with establishing the movie’s premise. Where some would go for the quick video clips from the film to show how things get going we’re rushed along even swifter with the story being written out for us.

We know, no more than a third of a way into the trailer, that we have a woman who wants a good life, has a nice daughter, daughter gets taken away by a wrinkly old man and that she’s illegitimately stuck in county lockup with a bunch of crazy, hula-hoop playing women.

Things take an odd turn when we’re told she wants revenge. Imagine that. Now, usually in Asian cinema this is when we get a bunch of swordplay or gunfighting or a lot of flashes using fire and a hail of bullets. Instead of this, however, I get a bunch of ladies wearing Santa beards and hats. Huh?

Just like AMELIE the very same outrageousness that constitute normal reality is taken at face value here. We’re to believe this happens in this woman’s world and the events that follow just reinforce the notion. She gets herself a gun and unleashes the kind of stuff I was looking for before Santa’s helpers made an appearance.

I don’t know exactly where things are going besides the obvious implications of what the old dude from the beginning is going to get in return for his kidnapping of this woman’s daughter. There looks like there’s going to be a lot of bad things going down and the directing looks fabulous as it renders this story of recompense.

Scrubs Blog: Week 25

Filed under: Production Blogs,Quickcasts,Scrubs Blog,Video — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:30 pm
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VIDEO BLOG #48: “My House Call” ““
Ken Jenkins and Christa Miller film a scene from episode 5×21, as Carla sends Kelso on a visit to the demoralized Dr. Cox.

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Download Scrubs Video Blog #48:

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VIDEO BLOG #49: “My Sweet Charity” ““
Ever wonder what happens to those kind folks who win a guest spot via a charity auction? Well, wonder no more”¦

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Download Scrubs Video Blog #49:

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VIDEO BLOG #50: “My Donkey Show: Part 1″ ““
How exactly do you create a donkey boy? Well, first you need a donkey, and their requisite trainer. Ken P. and PA Brian chat up said trainer prior to his star’s big scene.

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Download Scrubs Video Blog #50:

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VIDEO BLOG #51: “My Donkey Show: Part 2″ ““
And now, the actual green screen filming of the carrot-loving thespian”¦

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Download Scrubs Video Blog #51:

  • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 48.23 MB)
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May 4, 2006

Ken P. D. Snyde-Cast #9

Filed under: Ken P.D. Snydecast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 9:13 pm

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Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and FRED’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.

Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.

Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.

VISIT THE SNYDECAST EXPERIENCE

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KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #9: Episode 9 – [adult swim]’s Dana Snyder and Ken Plume’s weekly chat podcast returns with a mailbag special, wherein they endeavor to answer the stacks of queries in typically quarrelsome fashion. Who lives? Who dies? Who knows?

[CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #9 (MP3 format)

[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/snydecast/ken_p_d_snyde_cast-09.mp3]

SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

Got something to say? E-mail Dana & Ken at the Snydecast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SNYDECAST ARCHIVES

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