FRED Entertainment

March 23, 2007

Comics in Context #170: Miller’s Next Move

Filed under: Columns,Comics in Context — admin @ 11:23 pm
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SATURDAY, FEB. 24, 3 PM

cic2007-03-23.jpgThe 2007 New York Comic-Con reportedly received 40,000 attendees over three days; San Diego’s Comic-Con International declares that last year it had ” 114,000 individual attendees. . . (not counting the 9,000 or so exhibitors and their staff!)”. The New York con now seems to be acknowledged as being the nation’s second biggest comics convention, yet look at the gap in attendance.

I wonder what percentage of the San Diego attendees come not for the comics but for the movie and television preview presentations, and the chance to see their starts in person. In contrast, the New York Comic-Con, despite ventures into anime and gaming, remains almost entirely a comic book convention. I expect that there will be a greater Hollywood presence in years to come, especially since when the New York con moves to April next year, it will present such an obvious opportunity to promote summer blockbuster movies. (But still, I was surprised that there was no promotion for the 300 movie at the New York con, even though it opened merely two weeks later, whereas San Francisco’s WonderCon, the week after the New York con, got its own preview screening.)

But New York-based producer Michael Uslan has beaten most of the rest of Hollywood to the New York Comic-Con. He hosted the panel previewing the forthcoming film adaptation of Will Eisner’s The Spirit, which is being written and will be directed by comics great Frank Miller.

Opening the presentation, Uslan told the audience that “If you’ve ever been to San Diego,” meaning the Comic-Con, “One of the headlines” the con gets “is “˜Hollywood Invades San Diego.'” This panel, he told us, “is the case of “˜New York Invades New York.'” Uslan explained that Spirit co-producer F. J. DeSanto, who was also on the panel, was from Manhattan, two of their associates on the film were from Long Island and Westchester County, respectively, and Miller himself was a Manhattanite. “Me, I’m a Jersey boy,” Uslan informed us. “We are based here.”

Moreover, Uslan continued, “This con is special to me.” He told us that he had gone to the “New York Comicon” back in July, 1964, that was indeed the “first comic-con” This is long before I ever attended a comics convention in New York City. Uslan recalled that this first convention was in a “fleabag hotel” called the “Broadway Central” that had “drunks in the hallway,” and that the hotel “collapsed a year later.”

At this point Uslan noticed a member of comic books’ generation of founding fathers in the audience. “One of the all-time great legends in the comics industry has graced us with his presence,” Uslan said, introducing Jerry Robinson, who worked with artist Bob Kane and writer Bill Finger on Batman #1 (see “Comics in Context” #141). Considering Robinson’s efforts to get Finger recognition as co-creator of Batman (see “Comics in Context” #94), it was appropriate that Uslan then reminisced that at this first comics con, when “I was thirteen,” “I met Bill Finger.” Another great comics writer, Otto Binder, was a “friend of mine,” Uslan explained, and he had “a beer with him and Bill Finger.” I don’t know that I approve of these Golden Age giants allowing a thirteen-year-old to drink alcohol, but otherwise this is an enviable experience for anyone with an appreciation of American comic book history.

As fir their present project, Uslan said that “ten or eleven years ago Ben Melniker and I got the [movie] rights to The Spirit.” Uslan told us “I promised and swore to Will Eisner that nobody was going to touch this project if they didn’t get it, if we couldn’t do it the right way. And I’ve held to that promise.”

Of course, Hollywood being Hollywood, lots of people in the movie business didn’t get what The Spirit is about. “It’s painful,” Uslan said, telling us that “We have had many lucrative deals put in front of us that we’ve turned down over the years.” That’s because “We have dealt with people in Hollywood who have said, “˜Great, you want to do a Spirit movie?'” but then added, “Let’s get him out of his suit and tie” and put him in a costume and give him “super-powers.” They would even propose “make him die” so that he could “come back as a ghost,” whereupon Uslan said he replied “That’s a great idea and we can call it The Spectre or Deadman,” referring to two established DC superheroes who really are ghosts.

Meanwhile, Uslan continued, over the years he would consult with Eisner about The Spirit. “Thank God I had an opportunity over those years to spend a lot of time with Will to ask him questions, to get him involved, so that we know what he had in mind, we know what he was thinking about this, what his preferences were or weren’t.”

Then Uslan introduced the other panelists. “One of the important members of the team,” he said, was Denis Kitchen, who was “Will’s friend,” publisher and agent. Next Uslan introduced co-producer F. J. DeSanto, who in turn read an e-mail from Frank Miller, who had been scheduled to appear on the panel.

Miller’s e-mail began with a bit of philosophy: “Sometimes life really sucks.” Miller explained that “I slipped on a patch of black ice on a Manhattan sidewalk, smashed my left hip to bits and have spent the last bunch of weeks undergoing medical procedures and losing out on all these chances to tell everybody how much fun I’m having writing Will Eisner’s The Spirit.” MIller then cautioned, “Don’t go expecting a nostalgic tongue-in-cheek romp here. Remember. . .how scary Eisner got whenever he chose to. Remember, remember how he broke your heart with the story of Sand Serif,” whom Miller has credited as his inspiration for Elektra in Daredevil. “So expect some hairpin turns, some dead end, back alley madness of the wet kind. Get set, we’re on our way to some dark places.”

(As terrible as this injury sounds, Miller was nonetheless able to attend the premiere of the 300 movie in Los Angeles (at Grauman’s Chinese Theater, no less) less than two weeks later, though he was using a cane. See the photo here.

Then the panelists showed the “teaser poster” that Miller had created for The Spirit movie, showing Eisner’s character, looking formidable and grim, his sleeves rolled up, standing amidst darkness. The whole poster was in black and white, with the Spirit’s suit rendered as black and white lines, except for the brilliant red of his tie and of the logo “Will Eisner’s The Spirit.” In short, it looked like a melding of Eisner’s Spirit with Miller’s Sin City. Across the top were two lines in quotation marks: “Down these mean streets a man must come. A hero born, murdered, and born again.” That reminds me of the title of Miller’s Daredevil: Born Again storyline (1986), with its Christian imagery, as well as the title of Martin Scorsese’s Mean Streets (1973) and Raymond Chandler’s description of the fictional detective in his 1945 essay “The Simple Art of Murder” (http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Raymond_Chandler). The emphasis on the Spirit’s figurative death and resurrection reminds me of my debate with Dr. Peter Coogan, author of Superhero: The Secret Origin of a Genre, as to whether or not the Spirit is a superhero (see “Comics in Context” #163 and 165).

Uslan said that he and Miller “ran into each other again” at Will Eisner’s memorial service in New York City. (Regular readers will recall that I was there, too, and reported on Uslan’s speech. In fact, Uslan said there that whenever he saw a film by “Alfred Hitchcock, Frank Capra, Orson Welles, and now Frank Miller, I’ll think of Will Eisner.” See “Comics in Context” #80-81.) Miller and Robert Rodriguez’s movie “Sin City had come out a week or two before that, and I said, “˜You know, Frank. . .I’m trying to make comic books into movies and what you’ve done is you’ve made a movie into a comic book.” Uslan had long been planning to do a Spirit movie, but he said at the memorial he told Miller, “For the first time I can really. . .see The Spirit being done, using this Sin City technology.” Uslan told the audience he asked Miller to write and direct The Spirit movie, but at first Miller didn’t think he could do justice to Eisner’s work.

Uslan continued, “But after thinking about this for some time he came back and said, “˜I can’t let anyone else do it. I’ve got to do it.'” Uslan assured the audience that “the Spirit is safe with Frank,” and that even now “Frank is very busy writing the final draft of the movie.”

Denis Kitchen observed that “The Spirit movie is something I don’t think Will ever expected to really happen, because over the years, many people optioned it, and for may reasons, [it] wasn’t an easy thing to translate. Many people had it and it just never got done right.”

Moreover, Kitchen said, “Will also, unlike many other people in the world, did not want to direct and wasn’t particularly intrigued by the idea of comics becoming movies, because most of them he felt didn’t do justice to the original source. If you read Will’s serious works, you know he felt that comics should be an art in its own right and he didn’t like the implied superiority of film, because it was a more lucrative field to be in.” You, like myself, may wonder, then, why he even bothered to sell movie rights to The Spirit. Later during the panel Kitchen recalled Eisner’s comment on a notoriously dreadful TV-movie version of The Spirit: “It made my toes curl.”

However, Kitchen stated, referring to Miller, that “Will would be very pleased to know that his friend and someone he respected is going to take this and mold it into another medium.” Kitchen voiced his approval of the Sin City movie and added, “I knew Frank was thinking right when he told me he was clipping out panels of Will’s Spirit and taping them on his wall and doing in-betweening.”

What Kitchen was describing was Miller’s method of storyboarding the movie. Walt Disney and his animation studio pioneered storyboarding, which means plotting out a movie as if it were a long comics story. “in-betweening” is also an animation term, meaning filling in the movement between two separate poses of the character.

DeSanto explained MIller’s process: “When we first started talking about the movie and ideas started to pour out of Frank’s head, he would xerox Will’s graphic novels”–presumably DeSanto actually meant Eisner’s Spirit stories, perhaps as collected in DC’s Archives editions–“and start cutting and pasting them into some sort of order. That’s how he mapped out the initial film. I was having lunch with him about six months ago and all of a sudden he had a pile of papers on his lap and he said, “˜Okay, here’s the movie.'”

Later during the panel, Uslan put it this way: “The storyboards are by Will Eisner with an assist by Frank Miller.” While the film’s story is “not a specific story we’ve seen” in Eisner’s Spirit canon, Uslan explained, “you will recognize sequences” from classic Eisner Spirit stories in the film.

Recently I have been having a discussion via e-mail with comics writer Peter Gillis as to whether “decompressed” storytelling in contemporary comics is more “cinematic” than Eisner’s Spirit; he votes for the former, while I vote for the latter. (As Scott McCloud explains in Understanding Comics, time works differently in comics and movies, and I feel that “decompressed” storytelling in Western-style comics moves at a deadening pace.) Miller’s comics storytelling is closer to the Eisner mode, and the Sin City movie testifies to the cinematic nature of Miller’s comics work. I certainly hope that these Spirit storyboards will be published if someday there will be an “art of The Spirit movie” book.

So what will the story of the movie be like? DeSanto said “It’s not an origin story. When you meet the Spirit, he is the Spirit.” And how much will the film look as if Will Eisner drew it? For one thing, DeSanto said that “We’ll be incorporating the logo into the background,” thus imitating Eisner’s trademark technique in his Spirit splash pages. “With the technology they made Sin City and 300 with, we’re at a really neat point in filmmaking where we can make that world as Eisneresque as possible.”

Will there be familiar Eisner characters aside from the Spirit himself in the movie? DeSanto said that “we’re going to see some of the femme fatales.”

Then Uslan cautioned that “We’re not going to do the whimsical Spirit stories [in the movie]. We’re not going to do Rat-Tat the Machine Gun or Gerhard Shnobble” (see “Comics in Context” #68). Uslan continued, “However, that doesn’t mean that when we move to some animation projects that we won’t necessarily cover that then.” It seemed Uslan had revealed something he had not intended, for he quickly added, “But that’s a story I’m not allowed to talk about now.”

But as for characters who will be in the movie, Uslan said, “We’ve got Commissioner Dolan, and believe me, you’ll understand why he is so different from Commissioner Gordon [in Batman]. Ellen Dolan will be there. Sand Saref and that magnificent romantic triangle will be there.” Later on during the panel Uslan advised the audience to “check out some of the Octopus stories” as preparation for seeing the movie, so it would seem that the Spirit’s archenemy is also in the film.

Will the movie be set back in the 1940s, when most of Eisner’s Spirit stories were first published? Uslan recounted that he asked Eisner, “‘Should this be set in the 40s? Should this be set in the 50s? Should this be set today?’ He was kind of shocked at my question and said, “˜I never wrote The Spirit in a nostalgic sense. Whenever I write it and drew it, I was always doing something that was relevant at the time. He was in the 40s in the 40s. When I was doing it in the 50s it was the 50s. When I did it in the 60s, it was the 60s. There’s no reason this shouldn’t be contemporary or at least timeless.'”

Hence, Uslan continued, “That’s what Frank is going to go for here. There’s going to be a timeless feel to this, The only thing I can throw back to you is what Tim Burton did in our first Batman picture, where a lot of people, if you asked them, weren’t absolutely sure if that movie took place in the past, present or future, or some kind of mix thereof.” For example, in that 1989 film, reporter Alexander Knox, in his fedora (the Spirit wears one, too) and trench coat, looks as if he were from the 1940s, whereas Vicki Vale wears a minidress in one sequence.

Although Uslan and company are based in New York, they have partnered with a Hollywood company, Odd Lot Productions, to produce The Spirit movie. Uslan assured the audience that Odd Lot understood and appreciated The Spirit and the comics medium. He said that when he told Deborah Del Prete, one of the heads of Odd Lot, that he was attempting to make a movie of “the greatest comic in seventy years,” she exclaimed, “Oh my God, it’s The Spirit!” Not only is Del Prete a “comics fan,” Uslan told us, she is a “Legion [of Super-Heroes] completist.” (Well, that certainly makes her One of Us, perhaps more so than many of Us!) Uslan made the point that the film is being “independently financed,” perhaps in order to assure us that there would be no creative interference from a major studio.

Then Uslan started taking questions from the audience. The first questioner started out by saying that writer/artist Darwyn Cooke’s new Spirit comic book series for DC “is my first experience of The Spirit.” That surprised me, but on reflection, I realized it shouldn’t have. I read my first Spirit story decades ago, but in recent years The Spirit had only been in print in DC’s hardcover Archives volumes. I would have assigned Spirit stories to attendees of my lectures, but I didn’t want to compel them to buy a fifty dollar book. Last year DC finally published a Best of the Spirit paperback collection, which should be good news for anyone teaching a course in the history of comics.

This new Spirit fan pointed out that the tone of Cooke’s Spirit stories is considerably lighter than that of Miller’s Sin City. DeSanto responded that the “basis of the film is the very early Eisner work.” The story of Sand Saref, he said, provides “the tone” of the movie. It “will have that noir feel.”

The next question was about the “ideal cast” for The Spirit movie. Denis Kitchen repeated the well known information that years ago, when the actor was closer to the right age, Eisner had “wanted James Garner to play the Spirit.” Kitchen said that Eisner had “really no more” casting suggestions “since then.” At another point during the panel we had been told that Miller already has some casting ideas in mind.

Uslan said that the actor who portrays the Spirit “has to be a little scary. . . have a sense of humor. . .be able to win all these femme fatales,” and “take a lot of punishment.”

Adapting the celebrated line of Eisner’s foremost femme fatale, P’Gell, Uslan told us, “I think if Frank was here, he’d say, “˜My name is Frank and this is not a movie for little boys.'”

(I just saw the Sin City movie again recently. Please, Frank, don’t have the Spirit castrate anybody onscreen!)

Moving to a bigger topic, Uslan declared, “I believe we are now in a Golden Age of comic book moviemaking.” He told us he had been in the movie business for thirty years, but in recent years there has been a “sea change” in how Hollywood regards comics.

First, Uslan stated that years ago many people in Hollywood had no respect for comics. But now, he asserted, there were people in positions of power who grew up reading the comics of Stan Lee and DC editor Julie Schwartz.

Second, he continued, people in Hollywood “finally understood” that comic books are not just about superheroes, that the interest in comics “is not [just] a trend,” and that “comics are an ongoing source of great stories and characters.”

Third, Uslan declared, if you “look at successful comics-based movies” and “take out those based on sixty-year-old franchises”– like Batman and Superman, and he should have also mentioned those based on fortysomething -year-old franchises like Spider-Man and X-Men–then you see that they were based on comics that sold only “ten thousand” copies like Men in Black and Road to Perdition. In other words, even obscure comics properties can give rise to successful movies.

Uslan declared that he and his colleagues were producing The Spirit movie “independently.” This, it seems, gives them the creative freedom to be faithful to the source material. He continued, “So we’ll never ignore sixty years of the history of a character just to create something out of whole cloth.” Uslan maintained, “We get to respect the creators, the characters, and the material.” Would that every producer of a comics-based movie would take that pledge and mean it!

Uslan then mentioned one other important new “element” in making comic book-based movies: “the technology,” meaning CGI, which he said now allows moviemakers to do the Silver Surfer and Green Lantern onscreen. “This also makes this the Golden Age of comic book movies,” he concluded.

Uslan then said his “guess” was that The Spirit movie would go into production before Sin City 2. “We’re moving like lightning. We really are.” (On the other hand, Frank Miller subsequently announced that he and Sin City 2 co-director Robert Rodriguez “intend to go into prep sometime in the next six weeks, and we’re hoping on shooting by June.”

Then Uslan did something one doesn’t often hear from a movie producer: with obvious heartfelt sincerity, he voiced his sheer happiness in realizing his boyhood dream he had as One of Us. “I am so lucky in life,” he told us. “I’m working with what I loved since I was three years old,” meaning comics, and on his “favorite characters.” Moreover, he continued, he got to work with “geniuses” like Frank Miller, Sam Raimi (director of the Spider-Man movies), and Chris Nolan (director of Batman Begins).

Raimi? The person I missed seeing last summer in San Diego? What’s this about?

But first the panelists answered another question as to whether a familiar member of Eisner’s Spirit cast would turn up in the movie: the Spirit’s young African-American sidekick Ebony, who notoriously looks and speaks like a racist stereotype, something even Eisner acknowledged in his introduction to his last graphic novel, Fagin the Jew (see “Comics in Context” #25).

“No Ebony,” declared DeSanto. Uslan added that “It was Frank’s choice,” repeating Miller’s line that “Creatively everyone has a bad day. That was Will’s bad day.”

Uslan went on that he believed Miller’s main reason for not using Ebony “was less about the controversial nature of the character than it was the story doesn’t lend itself to a little kid being involved in the action.” Miller, he said, had created “too dark and violent and adult [a] world” to be “endangering a child.” (But what about the boy Dick Grayson in Miller’s All-Star Batman and Robin? Well, I suppose Grayson is already a trained athlete, whereas Eisner’s Ebony is not.)

Yet another fan in the question-and-answer line revealed that he had been introduced to The Spirit through Darwyn Cooke’s new comic, and that he was “not very acquainted with Eisner’s Spirit.” I wonder just how many readers are like this. It’s a good thing that DC is finally publishing Spirit stories, new and old, in easily affordable formats. This is when Uslan recommended that he “check out” some of the Octopus stories as preparation for seeing the movie.

The next question was whether The Spirit movie will get “a hard R [rating] like Sin City.” Uslan said “I can’t say” but “guesses” it will get “a hard PG-13.” (I guess that means no onscreen castration, thank God.) Here Uslan made the point that Miller “knows it’s Eisner’s stuff, so Eisner’s sense of humor is going to be there.”

I hope so. With all of the panel’s emphasis on how The Spirit movie will be dark and frightening, and devoid of “whimsy,” and with the examples of the Sin City and 300 movies to consider, and even All-Star Batman and Robin (see “Comics in Context” #119, which was titled “Bats and Spats” before IGN changed it), I worry that Miller’s interpretation of The Spirit will be too one-sided, emphasizing the dark film noir aspect of Eisner’s creation but omitting its humor, essential optimism, and humane, ah, spirit.

The panel drew to a close with news about subjects other than The Spirit movie. For example, Denis Kitchen assured us that “Virtually everything Will did will be back in print if it isn’t already” from a number of different publishers.

Uslan told the audience that he was “making great progress” with developing a Shazam movie, about the original Captain Marvel, at New Line Cinema, where, he said, “everybody gets it.” Not only did Uslan know Otto Binder, the Captain’s principal writer in the Golden Age, but he also had a “correspondence as a kid with C. C. Beck,” the artist who co-created the character.

Uslan reminded us that the “first gig I got writing comic books” was on The Shadow for DC. “I knew Walter Gibson,” the principal author of The Shadow pulp novels, Uslan told us, and “talked with him at length.” (Obviously knowing Michael Uslan would do wonders in playing a game of Six Degrees of Separation!) Now Uslan is developing a Shadow movie that Sam Raimi will direct. (Aha!) The “story’s been cracked,” Uslan reported, adding that they had found its “tone.” Interestingly, Uslan would not answer whether the movie is set in the 1930s or the 1940s, when the Shadow pulp novels and radio series were originally done. (It’s also interesting that another Shadow movie is in the works so soon after the 1994 version bombed. Could it be that Raimi and Uslan are changing the time period to make their film different from the last one?)

Finally, Uslan announced that the Montclair Art Museum, in Montclair, New Jersey, would be holding an exhibit on superhero comics that will open on July 14. Indeed, there was a full-page ad for the show, “Reflecting Culture: The Evolution of American Comic Book Superheroes,” on page 11 of the New York Comic-Con program book.

Uslan emphasized that the Montclair museum show would be an exhibit of “comic book art.” I interpreted this as a possible veiled reference to the “Masters of American Comics” museum exhibition, half of which showcased comic strip artwork (see “Comics in Context” #151-156).

Uslan said that he is “really involved” in the Montclair show. Indeed, according to an interview with Uslan in the Asbury Park Press, it will draw from his own collection of comic books and original comics art.

Uslan stated that the Montclair show will examine superhero comics “from three points of view”: First, that “comic books are a true American artform,” second, that comic books present a “modern mythology,” with superheroes as contemporary counterparts of the gods, and third, that comic books reflect changes in American culture.

Uslan also stressed that Montclair was only a “half-hour train ride” from Manhattan. You may recall that one reason that Art Spiegelman pulled his artwork out of the New York area version of “Masters” was that he disapproved of the fact that the show was divided between the Jewish Museum in Manhattan and the Newark Museum in New Jersey. As he pointed out, it is exceedingly difficult to persuade New Yorkers to trek out to the wilds of New Jersey, and my long, complicated trip out to the Newark Museum and back demonstrated why.

Well, good luck to the Montclair Art Museum in attracting visitors from Manhattan. Luckily, I’ve got a friend who lives near Montclair and is willing to put me up overnight, so I will be reporting on this show after it opens.

SATURDAY FEB. 24, 4 PM

Although I was told that the New York Comic-Con cleared each meeting room following each panel, this is not actually true, and I kept my seat in Room 1E12/13 after The Spirit movie panel in order to see the next event in the same room: “NYCC’s Behind the Panels: The 60s Marvel Bullpen.”

Unlike at the San Diego Con, with its mammoth crowds, it is easier to encounter friends and acquaintances at the New York Comic-Con. So it was that while I was sitting in Room 1E12/13 I got to chat with Tom McLean, who writes the “Bags and Boards“ blog on comics for Variety and my old friend Scott Lobdell, one of Marvel’s most prolific writers of the 1990s, who asked me to assure my readers that he was “still alive.”

This panel was supposed to start at four, but it didn’t commence at 4, or 4:05 or even 4:10 PM. It’s not that no one had told the panelists to show up, as with my panel earlier in the day. There, over to the right of the meeting room, Jerry Robinson was clapping Stan Lee on the shoulder. And then I saw Stan Lee talking with “Fabulous” Flo Steinberg, his legendary secretary from the 1960s, and bussing her on the cheek.

Flo was here!? Very friendly but also very modest by nature, Flo always downplays the importance of her role at Marvel during its Silver Age, almost ever gives interviews, and never accepts invitations to be a guest at comics conventions. For her to show up here is highly unusual. Could it be that she’s on the panel, too?

It was now 4:15 PM and the panel still hasn’t started. And in the present, I’ve run out of space for this week’s column. You’ll have to wait till next time to learn about the onstage reunion of Stan, Flo, and the great Silver Age artists Gene Colan and Joe Sinnott.

ADVERTISEMENTS FOR MYSELF

Editor Ken Plume has advised me that he’s finally making progress in transferring the columns that I did for IGN over to the “Comics in Context” archive page here at Quick Stop. There’s also a new, simpler way to access my archive page: just go to asitecalledfred.com/comicsincontext/.

–Copyright 2007 Peter Sanderson

Melonpool Quickcast #22: Alien Fresh Jerky

Filed under: Melonpool Quickcast — admin @ 11:06 pm
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-By Steve Troop

That’s right! The Melonpool Quickcast has returned! Based on Steve Troop’s classic webcomic of the same name, the Melonpool Quickcast features puppet versions of Troop’s alien cast, who are desperately trying to make heads or tails out of Earth culture.

Melonpool Quickcast 22

Mayberry and Roberta happen upon a familiar-looking store on their way to Las Vegas: an Alien Beef Jerky shop!

Don’t forget to comment on this and other Melonpool Quickcasts over at the official Melonpool Quickcast Forum!

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Melonpool Quickcast #22: Alien Fresh Jerky:

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Scrubs Blog: My Creepy Picture Contest Winners

Filed under: Podcast,Production Blogs,Quickcasts,Scrubs Blog — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:42 am
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VIDEO BLOG #80: “My Creepy Picture Contest Winners” ““
All of our uber-fans came out in full force for our big Creepy Picture Contest, and a lucky few met the challenge and are going to be getting some fabulous prizes. All winners will be notified by e-mail shortly, but first we have a special congratulatory video for those lucky labcoats, followed by al of the answers…

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Download Scrubs Video Blog #80:

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Trailer Park: When Can I Guest Star On Ebert and Roeper?

Filed under: Columns,Trailer Park — admin @ 12:35 am

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

Quick note: Want to help me out this week? Go on over to Gather.com where I posted the first chapter of my book, Thank You, Goodnight, in the hopes I can win the First Chapters prize from Simon and Schuster. You’d be doing me a huge solid if I can at least make it to the final rounds and since I’ve never really pimped my book in this space I hope this could be the beginning of something really good or it could mean my writing really sucks and I deserve the mantle of writing a column named Trailer Park. Anyway, thanks for reading… http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976932701

I mean, really, who puts caraway seeds in their Irish Soda Bread?

For a few moments I thought I had been poisoned by my local Jewish deli, I even thought this was payback for something or another a mick relative of mine might have done, but I found out, after I investigated various recipes that actually accepted this form of larcenous bakery. I was all set to complain to the highest courts at the Hague, maybe even get that Saddam judge, but in my noshing as I looked at the trailer for WILD TIGERS I HAVE KNOWN there was a sense this might be the worst trailer I’ve ever had to write something about. I know I should hyperlink to the film’s site but I’m protesting that practice because I had my sensibilities so scarred by the kind of pretension that warrants an ass kicking. A deep, throbbing pummeling that should only stop when I say it’s time. Feel free to gaze upon the greatness of this movie’s trailer but I’m on a hunger strike until next Friday.

I know this is should be reserved for my own wheelhouse when I think about the different sources I tap into to get inspired by film, never minding that I’ve seen so many infinitesimally engaging critics on Ebert and Roeper and am wondering when I am going to get my shot to have a chaw session with good old Richard, I have to resort to listen to how others are thinking about what’s new on my iPod.

I love Podcasts but have yet to get into a real good rhythm with someone who is producing a quality show much like the good people at TWIT who make being a techie a thing of sonic beauty. I thought for sure that the fellows at CHUD could make a ‘cast that deserves consistent praise, Lord knows their written coverage is some of the most extensive out there, but it’s just not fun to listen to. You’ve got a band of dudes who seem to pop copious amounts of Dramamine prior to getting on the mic and the tangents are too many to make it a worthwhile download.

It wasn’t until I heard the fellows over at FirstShowing.net doing their HypeCast, an honest gathering of some guys who love film and spend a good amount of time delving into topics that are otherwise just the subject of written columns. The discourse isn’t as professional as you would expect for such a nicely recorded, and weekly, addition to the online film community but for my money, and it’s free, it’s good enough that it deserves some cross-website promotion and attention for being a much welcomed voice in a community that should be more populated with the voices of thirtysomethings who eschew mainstream fare but are still hankering for B-movies that we’ve all celebrated in our youth but have yet to be released on DVD. My suggestions, fellas? HEARTBEEPS with Bernadette Peters, Christopher Guest and Andy Kaufman (I will never forget the strangeness of it all…and the fact that I just learned it does indeed exist on DVD) and GOING APE with Danny Devito, Tony Danza and Arrested Development’s Jessica Walter.

Criticism exists beyond the mainstream and some people are proving that you’ve got to just D.I.Y. if you want to be listened to.

SNOW CAKE (2007)

Director: Marc Evans
Cast:
Alan Rickman, Sigourney Weaver, Carrie-Anne Moss
Release: April 25, 2007
Synopsis:
Alex Hughes, recently freed from prison, begrudgingly picks up a vivacious 19-year-old hitchhiker, Vivienne, while driving through Ontario. When the car is hit by a truck on the outskirts of her home town, Vivienne dies instantly. Shocked and stranded in snowbound Wawa, Alex is drawn to seek out Vivienne’s mother, to talk to her in person about the fate of her daughter.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Like A Glass Of Warm Milk…Or Soy…Whatever You Put On Your Wheaties. Riveting, absolutely.

Every since seeing the trailer for THE BOURNE SUPREMACY I am always in the mood to stay with a trailer if they give up a little somethin’ somethin’ in their presentation that gets my attention. Here, it works and I am glad to see it’s done where I never expected it to come out.

It’s hard not to just be cynical about the moments that lead up to the early payoff in this trailer but it’s an earned combination of having a girl who looks like a grown-up version of Jordan Cochran, nee Michelle Meyrink, from REAL GENIUS, bowl cut and all and Mr. Hans Gruber himself as a man who wants the girl to exit the vehicle just as soon as he’s had enough of the hitchhiker.

It’s an odd thing, the orchestrated moment we’re given. These two seem to have an amiable time talking and I’m lulled into the thought that this flick is going to take a left turn into bondage/serial killer territory. And I begin to meditate on how brilliant it is that Alan Rickman was tapped to be this sick, twisted dude, Lord knows how well he infused Gruber with that megalomaniacal sense of entitlement and then, blam, the car is slammed into by an 18 wheeler.

I’m actually taken aback.

Swiftly, we’re shown the notable festivals where this movie has played, we get a nice classical suite and we get Alan, hat in hand, having to deliver the news to the girl’s mother. The response isn’t what I would have expected but I think that’s the point. Sigourney Weaver, who just amazes with every choice she makes, shows the flash that makes her the silent killer many actresses could only hope to become.

Afflicted with autism but loaded for bear as this mother and Alan, who really becomes the anchor to the emotional heft that needs to be acknowledged in order for this piece to be effective, equally shows why he can subsist within the action and kid genre with no problem at all.

It’s nice to have small pull-quotes regarding Rickman’s abilities in this film and I have to give it up to the editorial staff in not giving too much away about where the core of this movie really is while making it every bit as engaging with the single “Just Looking” by The Stereophonics playing underneath it all.

I don’t think that to make light of Weaver’s autism is the real comedic hook that the trailer makes it seem to be but you have what appears to be a very tight story between a few people with not much in the way of an explanation of how these pegs fit into holes.

THE PRISONER OR: HOW I PLANNED TO KILL TONY BLAIR (2007)

Director: Michael Tucker
Release: March 23, 2007
Synopsis: In an absurd comedy of errors, a freedom-loving Iraqi journalist is mistaken as Tony Blair’s would-be assassin and sent to Abu Ghraib Prison where he discovers the true meaning of liberation.

View Trailer:
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Prognosis: Positive. Geez, these things are just flooding the market on a weekly basis.

It’s like, declare a war, have things go really, really bad, increase global unrest, stir, stick in an Ez-Bake for 10-20 and, viola, instant bad coverage for a situation that everyone agrees with somehow, someway, devolve into mass civil war, the likes of which not even Marvel can keep up with covering.

What sets this movie apart, though, is its use of creativity to set the story up in order to get my attention. It used to be that you had a movie like GUNNER PALACE, a lone voice, but with all of these movies you’ve got to hustle for market share. This trailer really does it well and it blasts right out of the gate with its opening.

“One day you have a life”¦”

You’ve got some surf style music, an odd choice but effective, against the backdrop of our prisoner in question. He explains who he is as we get the sunblocked slathered butt cheeks of some nameless woman as we take in a day at the beach. The man explains to us he was born in Baghdad, a nice hand-drawn picture of the place pops up, and lets us know how many brothers and sisters he has. We see home videos of these people and when the jaunty surf sounds stop, the pictures are supplanted with George Bush’s opening shot about his invasion of Iraq, we get soldiers streaming into the streets of this guy’s country.

When you listen to the man’s account that these soldiers were like Rambo or Indiana Jones (with accompanying photo renderings) to him, having hope that these men were going to be real liberators, things change again to the Army going door-to-door, kicking the hell out of any gate that isn’t opened when they come a’calling; it’s just like Cops but they’re no mullets and no toothless ladies bawling that their meth-addled abusers are being hauled off to be arraigned in front of a judge on grounds of domestic violence. The issue here, though, and the trailer should rattle what’s left out of anyone’s emotional core for this war, is that there is no judge these men are going to go before and plead their cases to. These guys are off to Abu Ghraib and they might as well be entering a DMZ of hopelessness and lawlessness.

“We weren’t prison guards”¦and it was obvious.”

What’s also telling in this trailer is the back and forth between the man who sits before the camera and relates the torture he had to endure at the hands of our troops and the troops who administered it, no doubt, under the direction of their superiors. Without making value judgments we sidestep any finger pointing but we do get a verbal parry of what happened to one man and what happens when you put guys who have zero clue about what they’re doing in charge of a place like Abu Ghraib.

And I think this is what makes the material that much more compelling; when you have someone who is well-versed in language and is able to render events into prose that your average “prisoner,” and I say this lightly because who knows how many more like this man are being detained for doing nothing more than being in the ultimate wrong place at the wrong time, just would not be able and communicate to those who might listen.

WILD TIGERS I HAVE KNOWN (2007)

Director: Cam Archer
Cast:
Malcolm Stumpf, Patrick White, Max Paradise, Fairuza Balk, Kim Dickensi
Release: Now Playing…Unfortunately
Synopsis: Logan is a soft spoken and lonely 13 year old boy with a crush. Unlike his equally lonely friend Joey, who obsesses over the sexual exploits of the popular boys, Logan is fixated on the boys themselves, particularly Rodeo Walker. Rodeo is the only one of the group of cool kids who shows any friendliness towards Logan, in other words, he doesn’t go out of his way to make Logan’s life miserable. As they strike up a mismatched friendship, Logan’s infatuation with Rodeo inspires him to create a new persona named Leah. Leah and Rodeo grow close through whispered late night phone calls, and when Leah agrees to meet Rodeo face to face it is Logan who must finally prove that he can ask for what he so achingly wants.

View Trailer:
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Prognosis: Burn This Film At The Stake. I hate pretension.

It’s a Nazi kind of hate, really. One gets told something with a snotty air and, depending on your world view, you either realize very quickly that you’re being talked down to and deal with it or, the correct response everyone should have, you go to your car, pop the trunk, take out the Louisville Slugger and go to town until they say something that you can understand, namely “Uncle.”

I have such animosity for this trailer that I can’t help but feel that if I took an informal poll of everyone who watches the first minute of this thing, and tried to gage how fast your money was leaving your wallet to be able and see this thing, I would have a percentage that would be damn near zero. And, the thing is, it didn’t have to be this way.

I don’t know who was in charge of making this trailer but when I watched this thing open up with a kid, standing all alone in a room filled with balloons and the sound of a fire alarm, I thought, “Bitchin! This like Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy” video! Kid probably went all ape shit and killed everyone with an uzi or an AK or Glock or a TEC-9 or some kind of automatic machine gun with enough ammo to put down an entire prom procession. I was foaming at the violent, American mouth I have.

And then we get creepy European voice over guy.

Essentially, and I completely understand if none of you ever sit through this whole thing, this proper, accented fellow matter-of-factly states that, “Warning, the movie which you are about to see is an account of several days”¦fantastic and unreal in their nature”¦” I’m caught off-guard at first. I think this is a joke or that we’re leading into something tangible. No, we plunge into this dude’s narrative where we’re exposed to how this movie is about a middle schooler that has a story so overwhelmingly profound that it will be “ferociously locked in your mind for years to come” The fuck?

It gets better.

Not only is the screen cluttered with credits and places where this film has played but the snippets of film we get of this brooding young man seem ripped from the latest CK ad campaign. These snippets of a story, and who knows if there really is one, is art for art sake and implies no vicissitude to whatever any of us may have associated with what middle school is like. Yeah, the masturbation scene is a bit much as well; it’s gratuitous on an exploitative level. It’s sick.

And let’s get to all the kudos that flash on the screen. Yes, this is probably a really profound movie but when you basically have just one shot throughout this entire trailer, a young boy who is obviously grappling with his own homosexuality and cross-dressing leanings, which consists of him sneering like a little whiny bitch it’s hard to feel like I would want to shell out money just feel like slapping the protagonist around for a while. This kid may be very likable but we can’t gleam that from the trailer!

When I see a trailer I want eye candy. I want to be seduced into the wiles of artistry that an entire studio helped to make. Instead I am bombarded with arrogance, pomposity and no reason why I need to see this in the theater.

The director has a movie I wish I could see AMERICAN FAME PT. 1: DROWNING RIVER PHOENIX, I could riff for an hour of how I wish that Carl guy from SNEAKERS and that kid from THE EXPLORERS never went the route of drug abuse, but this film is about as abhorrent in audio and video slop as I have ever consumed.

PAPRIKA (2007)

Director: Satoshi Kon
Cast: Megumi Hayashibara, Toru Emori, Katsunosuke Hori, Toru Furuyas
Release: May 25, 2007
Synopsis: 29 year old Dr. Atsuko Chiba is an attractive but modest Japanese research psychotherapist whose work is on the cutting edge of her field. Her alter-ego is a stunning and fearless 18 year old “dream detective,” code named PAPRIKA, who can enter into people’s dreams and synchronize with their unconscious to help uncover the source of their anxiety or neurosis.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. Crazy.

I would suggest a nice, deep, long bong hit (of tobacco of course, unless you live in California and have an “herbal prescription” to ease the pain of day to day stress) before partaking of this trailer.

I never am quite sure of what I am about to get into when I see a list of movie titles only to start clicking away, skipping some after only a few seconds, but when I am able to stop what I am doing and take in what I’m watching then I know there’s something to it and this is no different. Now, while I’m really dead set against to those saccharine soundtracks to Japanese anime movies and programs, you see throngs of geeks lining up to purchase the OST of various productions at any comic book convention, the ditty here isn’t so bad. It’s not “Good Luck” by Basement Jaxx from the APPLESEED trailer but this ephemeral number will do just fine.

The other thing you need to keep in mind is that, unless you read the synopsis of what this film is about, there isn’t any way you’re coming out of the experience knowing which side is up. I was intrigued, initially, simply BECAUSE I was just presented with the film without any context. When we were all babies we learned by observing and intuiting. As you watch a woman walk into a strange, strange garden you can just feel your mind trying to make sense of it.

Get a little further into the trailer.

Shattered glass, strange cityscapes and nightmares we’ve all had, the sensation of running without being able to get anywhere, of falling, of flying of bending reality in odd, yet physical, ways make for just enough room in the part of your brain for making sense of the absurd.

“Evidence that Japanese animators are reaching for the moon, while most of their American counterparts remain stuck in the kiddie sandbox.”

Damn, I’ve never seen a bitch slap happen inside a trailer but since there’s a first time for everything I can say that most anyone’s objection to this would be overruled on the account that the New York Times is right.

A dude rips himself open only to reveal thousands of blue butterflies, a giant Stay-Puft marshmallow woman terrorizes a Japanese city, wreaking havoc and delivering destruction, J. Jonah Jameson authorizes a full-scale military assault on said woman and, at the very end, we’re clued in that a single woman named Paprika is like a NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: DREAM WARRIORS kind of lady. It looks like she goes into dreamscapes but, to do what, I have no idea; although, the answer is enough to make me want to pay to find out.

Brilliant mix of music and animation.

Weekend Shopping Guide 3/23/07: Good Times

Filed under: Shopping Guides — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:33 am
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The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

My memories of the 5th and final season of NewsRadio (Sony, Not Rated, DVD-$39.95 SRP) are of a show that was struggling to regain its footing after the devastating loss of both Phil Hartman and his character, Bill McNeal. While in my memory the transition was rather rocky, re-watching the season on DVD has shows that the writers and cast very quickly regained their footing, and Jon Lovitz’s Max Louis very rapidly became a member of the family. All in all, it’s a nice farewell to a series that was cancelled before its time, and I’m just glad we got the entirety of it out on DVD. The 3-disc set features all 22 episodes, plus audio commentaries (during one of which my question about the cast’s Donny & Marie Show appearance is mentioned, but not answered), deleted scenes, and a gag reel.

 

If the great Sgt. Bilko had to depart the airwaves, at least a show like McHale’s Navy (Shout! Factory, Not Rated, DVD-$44.98 SRP) was waiting in the wings. Doing for the navy what Bilko did for the army, the crew of PT Boat #73 – including Tim Conway and captain Ernest Borgnine – brought a healthy anti-establishment joie de vivre to the small screen. A very, very funny show. This 5-disc box set features all 36 first season episodes in their original black & white, plus a crew reunion featurette with reminiscences from the cast.

 

Divorced from the Oscar season hype, there’s much to be said for the flawed yet powerful Blood Diamond (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$34.98 SRP). As actioners go, it’s got the requisite amount of intrigue and adrenaline, and it very much wears its social message – about the often bloody diamond trade – on its sleeve. When civil war overtakes Sierra Leone in 1999, an ex-mercenary (Leonardo DiCaprio) with his own agenda aids a Mende fisherman (Djimon Hounsou) in locating his kidnapped son, who has been conscripted as a child solider in the rebel army. The ex-merc, however, is more interested in an outrageously valuable pink diamond, and will let nothing get in his way. The 2-disc special edition features an audio commentary from director Ed Zwick, a documentary on the diamond trade tracking the patch of a gemstone from the earth to the store, a Leo profile, a featurette on women journalists, a look at the pivotal “Siege of Freetown” sequence, a music video, and the theatrical trailer.

 

As independent as the protagonists of That Girl and The Mary Tyler Moore Show had been, the first unashamedly, boisterously feminist show to arrive on television screens was a spin-off of All In The Family, and starred Bea Arthur as Edith Bunker’s outspokenly independent Maude (Sony, Not Rated, DVD-$29.95 SRP). Whether keeping her fourth husband, Walter (Bill Macy), in line or disagreeing with conservative neighbor Arthur (Conrad Baines), the show’s humor has aged very little, and the arrival on DVD of such a seminal sitcom is always appreciated. The 3-disc set features all 22 first season episodes, but zero extras (a Bea Arthur/Norman Lear commentary would have been incredible).

 

The third series of the Doctor Who relaunch is about to hit screens in the UK (and computers here in the US, because certain networks don’t seem to understand the 21st Century), so that means another batch of classic Who is hitting DVD. First up is a classic tale from the Patrick Troughton years – The Invasion (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$34.98 SRP) – which also happens to be one of those unfortunate adventures where footage is missing. Happily, though, those installments have been reconstructed with animation from Cosgrove Hall (of Danger Mouse fame) and the still extant original soundtracks. The second release is from the Tom Baker Years – The Sontaran Experiment (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP). As usual, these are positively packed with bonus materials, including audio commentaries, featurettes, interviews, trailers, and much more.

 

Rightly considered one of the finest documentaries ever produced, D.A. Pennbaker’s portrait of Bob Dylan’s landmark 1965 tour, Don’t Look Back (Docurama, Not Rated, DVD-$49.95 SRP), has gotten a deluxe remastering and special edition treatment. In addition to restored picture and sound, the 2-disc collector’s set features audio commentaries, additional audio tracks, an alternate version of the “Subterranean Homesick Blues” cue card sequence, a second documentary utilizing unused footage, trailers, and a reproduction of the original photo-filled 168-page companion book. A definite must-have all around.

 

After viewing it again, in expanded form, on DVD, there’s something cringeworthy about the Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$19.99 SRP). Roasters of old were usually friends of the roastee, so an overwhelming sense of love would come through the often scathing jibes. On the new brand of Comedy Central roasts, there’s usually a token 2-3 friends of the roastee, with the rest of the time filled by Comedy Central’s stable of go-to comics, making for an impersonal, often attack atmosphere of blood in the water comedy that makes for the aforementioned cringing. It’s a shame, really. Bonus materials include behind-the-scenes footage, red carpet interviews, and a behind-the-scenes featurette.

 

The films may be hit and miss, but I always have time for that crankily loveable Fieldian presence. The second volume of the W.C. Fields Comedy Collection (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP) features You’re Telling Me!, The Old Fashioned Way, Man On The Flying Trapeze, Poppy, and the wonderful Never Give A Sucker An Even Break. The 5-disc set also features a bonus vintage documentary.

 

 

Although it shouldn’t surprise me so much in this DVD age, I never thought I’d see a 2-disc, fully restored and remastered special edition of the original Re-Animator (Anchor Bay, Not Rated, DVD-$24.98 SRP). Starring Jeffrey Combs as truly mad scientist Herbert West in this adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s tale of meddling in life after death, it’s one of the goriest flicks you’ll run across – but it’s all held together by Combs’s performance. The 2-disc edition features audio commentaries, a 60-minute documentary, interviews, deleted/extended scenes, TV spots, galleries, a trailer, and more.

 

Federal Agent James West is back defending American security at the behest of the Grant administration, against evil geniuses, revolutionaries, oddballs, and malcontents in the second season of Wild, Wild West (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$49.99 SRP). The 7-disc set features all 28 episodes, beautifully remastered in full color. Sadly, no bonus features, which is a damn shame as a nice retrospective feature would be quite nifty. Perhaps in the future, one hopes.

 

Crockett & Tubbs have arrived to drain your wallet, with the concurrent release of both the 3rd and 4th seasons (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP each). As usual there’s not a single bonus feature to be found, but at least we get all of the original music (which I can only imagine cost a fortune). Crack out the pastels and your pet gator, and snag ’em both.

 

While we’ve had some special preview sets come down the pike – the family couch and the Ironic Torture diorama – the first actual wave of Simpsons figures is now hitting shelves ($11.99 SRP each). Included in this initial offering (done in the McFarlane fixed “scene” style) are Homer & Krusty in a memorable moment from the end of the episode “Kamp Krusty,” Homer & Bart in their superhero outfits from “Simple Simpson,” Homer & Marge” during their InnerSpace interlude within Mr. Burns during the “Treehouse of Horror” segment “In The Belly Of The Boss,” and a generic scene of Homer & Bart engaged in mutual throttling. Check the pics out below…

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So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

-Ken Plume

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QSE News: 3/23/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:31 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgOur nightly prayers have been answered as it appears that the last hold-out Spice Girl has caved in response to a Spice Girls reunion. The Spice Girl known as Mel C, known to her fans as “Sportified spice” or “The Butch One,” was initially against the reunion as she was busy concentrating on a solo career. A spokesperson for the remaining Spice Girls (with the exception of Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham who doesn’t need the money) released a statement to the press noting that “the girls will require at least two weeks notice for any reunion as McDonald’s has a minimum of a two week notice on all leaves of absence.”
  • Actor Russell Crowe is set to make his directorial debut with the film Bra Boys.  The film is said to be a fact based drama about the surf community in Australia and not a biography picture about famous cross-dressers RuPaul, Hilary Swank, Reese Witherspoon, Sandra Bullock and Ryan Seacrest.
  • Author Terry McMillan is suing her former husband and inspiration for her book How Stella Got Her Groove Back for $40 million.  In the suit McMillan claims that Jonathan Plummer only married her to become a US citizen and tried to ruin her reputation during the divorce.  While McMillan is awaiting the courts decision, she is busy writing her latest book tentatively titled How Stella Sued Her Former Husband and Made Enough Cash to Never Have to Write Another Book Again.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/23/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:30 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Wings For Wheels interviews Jordan Zevon about his music and his late, much-missed father Warren… (Thingamabob)
  • CD and a dremel… Not too smart a combination… (Thingamabob)
  • Spike Jones & His City Slickers – “Yes Sir, That’s My Baby”… (Thingamabob)
  • New Kasper Hauser podcast – “Slide Show”… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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March 22, 2007

The Fred Hembeck Show: Episode 96 – The Cover Of The Rolling Stone

Filed under: The Fred Hembeck Show — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:44 am

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It was a late summer’s eve in 1971, scant days before I was scheduled to start my freshman year at college. My buddies and I had hopped onto the Long Island Expressway and made the fifty plus mile trek into The Big Apple for the evening. After catching a Marx Brothers flick at a Greenwich Village revival house – or maybe it was Humphrey Bogart classic – we found ourselves roaming the teeming streets of Manhattan in search of some grub.

All thoughts of something so pedestrian as food left my mind entirely when my eyes suddenly spotted a startling image hanging from the side of a newsdealer’s magazine booth.

This…

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The Hulk! On the cover of Rolling Stone magazine! (Number 91, September 14th edition, to be precise) My good golly gosh, but was I ever stunned! I’d first come across the fledgling music magazine with its 19th issue, but didn’t encounter it again until number 27’s special “Groupie” edition somehow made its way out to our sleepy little town of Yaphank – at which point, I decided to leave nothing further to chance and began a subscription that, yes, still exists to this very day! But if all you know is the RS of today – or for the last 30 years, for that matter – you’ve gotta understand, Rolling Stone once was an amazingly vital, truly cutting edge publication, one I’d gleefully devour cover to cover as soon as each bi-weekly issue arrived in my mailbox – and then I’d proceed to reread the stuff that REALLY interested me! About the only thing that held my attention as steadily as the exotic doings reported in the Stone was (uh huh, you guessed it) comic books! And ESPECIALLY Marvel Comics!

So when I spied my two primary obsessions intermingled as never before, just dangling there from a small metal clip on the bustling streets of NYC, I knew I HAD to have a copy, and I had to have one IMMEDIATELY! Knowing full well that a copy would soon be delivered by my local postman, I nonetheless went right ahead and dipped into my not-overly-impressive finances and shelled out the sixty cent cover price for the privilege of reading Robin Green’s affectionate examination of the Marvel Bullpen a few measly days sooner than I would’ve otherwise (and YOU can read it now, for free, by going here!).

To satisfy my curiosity alone, it was well worth it – plus, I eventually wound up with TWO copies of that must-have collector’s item! Besides, sandwiched between cover shots of George Harrison on stage at The Concert For Bangla Desh (RS 90) and Jefferson Airplane (RS 92), Herb Trimpe’s illustration of the gamma-irradiated cover boy remains (in my mind anyhow) one of the most iconic images ever produced of the Green Goliath! “Hulk smash puny Wenner’s counter-culture rag! Cream’s Wheels of Fire deserved much better review – bah!”

I giddily related this otherwise rather pointless personal anecdote to the artist himself last week in an Italian eatery by the name of Goodfellas (found not on the mean streets of New York City but in the comparatively tranquil environs of Poughkeepsie) as I sat with Herb Trimpe and wife Patricia Vasquez, munching down a sausage and peppers sub for lunch shortly after putting in time as a guest speaker at the weekly cartooning central studies class the couple presides over at Poughkeepsie Day School (which institution – if not class – my daughter Julie not-so-coincidentally attends.).

(For those of you who may’ve come in late, a central studies class is generally one dealing in art, music, or theater – though there have been courses rooted in both math and science – that meets three times a month on Wednesdays from 8:30 until just past noon, and for the entire day the fourth Wednesday. The courses run for nearly half a year, with a short, five week CS rounding out the second semester (providing juniors the time to take a mandatory college prep course). Herb and Patricia (who, in the 9th and 10th grades, taught my daughter Spanish – or at least tried to; like her dad’s long-ago doomed attempts to master German, foreign lingo has consistently been Julie’s glaring academic Achilles Heel – as well serving as her student adviser the latter year) first introduced the course during the final five week slot last May, and since it was so well received, the duo brought it back for a lengthier run commencing this past January.)

And then, somehow, I got involved!

Actually, it was simple enough – Patricia had queried Julie at school as to the possibility of yours truly coming in one week and speaking to the students. To share my (ahem) expertise, such as it is. Well, sir, I was both flattered AND terrified by the request. Terrified because I am NOT – nor will I ever be – a comfortable public speaker; and flattered because hey, this was Herb “Incredible Hulk” Trimpe asking, y’know? Which he did, formerly, over the phone, a day or so following Julie’s passed along invitation from her former instructor. Truth is, there was a part of me that just wanted to decline and save myself the inevitable stress I’d suffer as the date of my classroom cameo drew inexorably closer, but I did my level best to shunt those feelings of doubt aside, deciding instead to step squarely up to the plate. There were several reasons why I was willing to accede to Herb and Patricia’s wishes – not the least being Mr. T’s assurance of this being pretty much a very low pressure situation for even the most skittish of speakers (i.e., me) with a good group of truly motivated students – but aside from that, a primary one definitely was the rare opportunity to spend a little time inside the walls of PDS during an actual school day!

Y’see, going all the way back to the days when Julie was attending pre-school, I’ve made a point of volunteering to chaperon as many field trips (or assist with as many holiday parties) as possible, all in not only a selfless effort to help, but (okay, I’ll admit it) in a selfish effort to get at least a small glimpse into what goes on in my daughter’s life during those otherwise mysterious school time hours. In the course of my efforts, I’ve been to an awful lot of pumpkin patches, served up a plenty of Valentine’s Day cake, and seen my share of historical landmarks, but in the two plus years Julie’s been at PDS, I’d somehow never managed to get myself involved in ANY classroom activities whatsoever! NOW was my chance! Okay, sure, my offspring was gonna be down the hall, lurking around in the dark in her photography class – nothing ever works out perfectly, y’know – but c’mon, did I mention that Herb “Phantom Eagle” Trimpe was gonna be in attendance?

(A totally irrelevant aside: one of my favorite chaperoning anecdotes dates back to Julie’s kindergarten days. The class was planning a half day trip to the now shuttered Catskill Game Farm, and the mother of virtually every kid involved volunteered to go along for the ride, myself included. Inasmuch as the teacher clearly didn’t seem to like Julie very much – long story, but happily, the only discernible instance of that happening in the kid’s classroom career – I was somewhat surprised when I learned that I was one of the lucky few chosen to accompany the wee ones on the trip! My delight soon faded when I discovered the TRUE reason for making the final cut: the teacher needed at least one adult male to come along to perform the all important job of accompanying, as needed, any and all of the gaggle of five-year old boys to the men’s room! Yes, friends, it’s true – I was selected primarily for Potty Patrol! And lemme tell ya, I was exhausted like never before – and rarely since – after THAT particular sojourn!

My chaperoning days came to an apparent end during a trip to one of George Washington’s wartime headquarters when Julie was an eighth grader, her last year in public school. The lackluster attitude evinced by most of the students on that trip was a long way from the sort of wide-eyed wonder kids just a few years younger had shown in the past, which I found a tad dispiriting. So a chance to spend some time in PDS with kids maybe a smidgen more lively than the bunch we had to basically drag from one Revolutionary War landmark to another that cold wintry day three plus years back sure looked mighty appealing to me by comparison…).

But WHAT was I going to say? What was I going to DO? Once before, when Julie was in the fifth grade, I was presented with a similar situation – my daughter’s art teacher got wind of my cartooning, and asked me to come in and address her students. I did, and it went reasonably well – only with those kids, I could start with the absolute basics, kill a little time that way, and then eventually just draw whatever they shouted out. Herb and Patricia’s class, however, had undoubtedly zipped way past the basics long ago, leaving me…what? A Ted Baxterish monologue? “It all began in a 5000 watt radio station…”? Oh yeah – THAT’D sure go over like gangbusters! Ultimately, I simply gathered together a handful of my originals – including some published versions of same for comparison – and decided to concentrate on three key areas: humor; doing the entire job on your own; and creating autobiographical comics. I emailed Herb with my tenuous plans, and, a few days later, he phoned back the night before my appearance to give me the thumbs up. We both agreed that I could do a lot worse than simply winging it…

Now, I’d like to blame my two cats, Mario and Luigi, because they often wake me up in the dead of night to go outside, then maybe an hour or so later, wake me again to come back in, and that evening was a particularly active one for the ol’ feline go-round (and no, I CAN’T just ignore them – their incessant yowling would allow for no rest whatsoever, trust me), so maybe THAT was why I got less sleep than usual, and it wasn’t at all due to a case of the nerves. Nope. Not at all. Well, whatever – I was wide awake when the alarm went off, and after dressing and gathering all my goodies, Julie and I were soon off to school together, just like old times – if you consider “old times” to be all of ten days ago! Y’see, now that Julie has secured herself a driver’s license, she’s begun to drive herself in, rather than hitch a ride with her mom three days a week, or have me make the early morning round-trip on the two days Lynn generally works at home. I’ve gotta admit, it’s quite an adjustment, having your kid drive off in a car, and you’re not with ’em. But it also saves everyone a whole lotta time and gas, so we’re trying our best to weigh the clear benefits against typical parental worries, and so far, so good. But this bright and beautiful Wednesday morning, father and daughter were once again driving into school together. I after all had me a very important appointment with Herb “Godzilla” Trimpe!

Once we arrived in the pot-hole riddled parking lot, Julie and I split – she headed for morning meeting, sort of (as Herb “G.I. Joe” Trimpe later described it) a daily military style briefing for the entire student body, while I set out for the school’s other building, where Herb and Patricia’s classroom was located. I signed in, and a very nice woman by the name of Sarah walked me upstairs to my destination. As I strolled in, there was Herb, going through the class’s work (Patricia was, as usual, attending the aforementioned morning meeting ceremonies). After exchanging niceties, Herb proudly showed me what the class had been working on: they’d broken up into several small teams, with each putting together a comics strip (three to nine pages) as a group. The subject matter was wildly diverse, and while not up to professional standards – hey, these are eighth, ninth, and tenth graders, after all – the work WAS brimming with enthusiasm. And for that matter, so was Herb! The goal of the day, he informed me, was to put the finishing touches on this assignment, and then moving on to the next: solo work by each student. Which was part of the reason why my visit had been timed for this particular Wednesday, inasmuch as I regularly do the entire job on my own. But before I could spend any more than a few brief moments going over my plans with Herb, the first few students began slowly wandering in. It was eight-thirty, and Professor Fred’s lecture de jour was only minutes away. Oh boy…

After a few opening remarks from Herb and Patricia – who’d accompanied the teen-aged throng as they made their way over to the upper school building after the mandatory AM get-together – Herb introduced me to the students (there were sixteen to begin with – though several more ambled in over the course of the morning – fully six of which were female, a pleasantly surprising percentage in an area of interest that stereotypically skews male). When asked if anybody knew who I was, several chimed in that they in fact did, but I’m guessing that was mostly due to Julie serving as my advance agent amongst those kids she knew personally enrolled in the course. So, directed to the board in the front of the room – a majority of the students were sitting around a large table, with several off to the side, ensconced in a deep and incredibly cushy couch (there were no individual desks) – I began my spiel.

For days beforehand, I went over and over in my head just exactly what I was going to say: I had some amusing personal anecdotes, a handful of pre-planned quips, even a few motivational rants all at the ready. Naturally, none of my carefully crafted exhortations made it past my lips – mostly, I just showed the class the artwork I’d brought along. I had some originals from a Petey story (you can read all the adventures of Peter Parker Long Before He Became Spider-Man by going here), several pages of Little Freddy (the entire autobiographical canon of Growing Up In The Silver Age of Comics can be accessed through this link), a couple of stories that AREN’T (yet) posted over at my home site, Hembeck.com (including my lone “official” Hulk outing, a five pager from the Gamma Glamourpusses’ 1999 Annual – hey, how could I possibly walk into a class presided over by Herb “Thunderbolt Ross” Trimpe and NOT bring a Hulk story along, huh?…), and a handful of stand-alone illos, including this commissioned piece I did of Barry Allen racing with Jay Garrick…

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I used this to explain funny: young guy, running along casually; old guy struggling to keep up. As someone getting inexorably older by the minute, maybe this gag isn’t quite as humorous as it might’ve seemed in times past, but at least it served the purpose of demonstrating how facial expressions and body language play a key part in effective cartooning. And speaking of facial expressions, both Herb and Patricia were somewhat taken with this piece (which I brought along in its original black and white state)…

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Dig this – the pair borrowed the artwork overnight so as to make copies for future use! Herb intends to use it in the cartooning class, natch, but Patricia also hopes to get some mileage out of it with her Spanish students! HOW exactly, I’m not sure – perhaps she intends to have her classes guess as to exactly WHICH facial expression best suits the phrase “Aye carumba!” Whatever – I’m flattered at the mere notion that my cheery little cartoon checkerboard will live on, dutifully serving the lofty goals of higher education. Or at least, help people learn how to draw silly pictures…

Well sir, I’m not sure exactly how long my scatter-shot meanderings rambled on, but once I sensed I wearing on the patience of my still groggy audience, I asked for suggestions as what to sketch up on the board.

“Draw Wolverine!”

For a moment, I thought I had somehow been transported behind a table at a comics convention, but I was quickly informed that this was a running gag with the class, who were well aware of their instructor’s history with the character. Before I had a chance to doodle up a Logan likeness, the consensus was for me to draw Petey instead – which I did, using the opportunity to show how a few simple lines around the eyes and mouth can change expressions entirely. All the while, it was Q&A time as well, and I fielded a few queries from the kids, and a bunch more from Patricia and Herb. Somehow, during the ensuing wide-ranging discussion it came out that daughter Julie has never actually read ANY of my comics, as – irony alert – she’s one of those poor, sad souls who, for whatever reason, simply can’t read comics! When word got back to her later about my inadvertent confession, she mockingly scolded me for blabbing her business (hey, at least I didn’t bring along this comic strip that I did of her as a baby, hanging out with both Cartoon Dad and Superman – be thankful for THAT, junior!…).

Herb offered a little confession of his own, and while it may not be my place to reveal it here, aw, what the heck – it’s included in his introduction to the next, upcoming volume of Hulk Marvel Masterworks: artist Trimpe, y’see, never actually READ the finished product after the books came out! Hey look, by that time, he was three stories ahead of the game, and he already knew what had transpired anyway, so Herb just kept charging ahead without looking back! Since Marvel recently sent him copies of the tales to be included in the new collection for him to review, he FINALLY took the opportunity to peruse stories I first read when I was still back in high school! Now it was MY turn to profess mock-indignation, and quickly drew a picture of the Hulk up on the board, expressing his profound disappointment in Herb as only ol’ Greenskin could: “Herb not read my comics. Hulk sad…”

After a little over a half hour of being the center of attention, it was finally time for me to take a seat and let the class progress in its normal manner. I’d survived my latest bout of public speaking, and Herb, Patricia, and, yes, the class thanked me with a small round of 9-in-the-morning-applause. I honestly enjoyed myself, I really did – and as is always the case in these sorts of situations, I always look back very fondly on the talk – AFTER it’s over! But since I wasn’t going anywhere, I settled in for the duration, and observed the goings on. A couple of short presentations given by a pair of students topped the list. The first concerned the Fox animated cartoon, Family Guy. Herb and Patricia seemed unfamiliar with the program, but were clearly intrigued by the unbridled enthusiasm for the show evinced by the student giving the talk (who at one point referred to creator Seth MacFarlane as “some sort of genius”). Said student spent a fair amount of time the rest of the morning attempting to call up clips from the cartoon comedy on YouTube to show both his teachers.

I didn’t have the heart to throw any sort of wet blanket on his parade and confess that I’d watched the show when it initially aired for about six weeks, but eventually crossed it off my must-tube schedule. I DID however make a pitch for my own favorite later in the morning, briefly talking up the always magnificent SpongeBob (and should you so desire, check out the details of my animated aquatic obsession by looking over episode 81 of The Fred Hembeck Show, friends!).

Next up was a short but concise dissertation on Peanuts by Charles Schulz (who somehow managed to duck the genius appellation) by a second student, after which it was time for a fifteen minute break before the kids got down to working on their projects, either finishing up the old one or beginning the new one. It was at about this point that my daughter wandered in from the dark room down the hall. So, for laughs, I drew a cartoon version of her up on the board, adding several potentially embarrassing word balloons just to get a reaction out of her! And I certainly did – said reaction being, “WHERE’S THE @#$%ING ERASER??”. Hey, bring your dad to school at your own risk, sweetie – you pretty much gotta expect trouble, y’know? Well, she quickly erased the offending portions (no, I won’t say what they were, save that it was little bit funny…), but left the drawings alone, including the blurb that identified her as Julie Hembeck – which was noteworthy in that it was still on the board the next day, when the room served, as per usual, to host her very own English class! She tells me it’s gone now, but ah, the memories will last forever (heh)…

After the class had reassembled, Herb further explained the new solo project to the kids, and then left them mostly to their own devices for the balance of the morning. However, since the room wasn’t really big enough for all 16 (or was it 18?…) students to stretch out to do their drawings (the actual more spacious art room downstairs was being used for – you guessed it – another art-centric central studies class), Herb sent two groups down the hall to a pair of empty rooms. At just about this time, we were joined by a young fellow from nearby Vassar College who was sitting in on a variety of PDS classes. Herb and Patricia explained the course to him, and then, like myself, he wandered in and out of the three work areas. In one, we found an enterprising trio putting the finishing touches on their nine page manga story. The plot was very excitedly explained to me – I seem to recall something about a quest for potato salad, and a big finish that included the execution of a Power Puff Girl! Yup, when in doubt, stream of consciousness non sequiters always work! Truth is, the thing had a lot of energy, not to mention charm – and hey, who, after all ISN’T on a quest for potato salad?…

Mostly, like our Vassar visitor, I observed. Oh, to justify my temporary pretend teacher status, I contributed the occasional pithy observation, but largely, I stayed out of the way – I figured, hey, these teens really don’t need some virtual stranger hovering over their shoulders, telling them “why not draw that nose a teensy bit larger, and don’t forget – five fingers per hand” and such. Instead, I spoke a bit with some of Julie’s past teachers who’d spotted me roaming the halls (Donna, it seems, is almost as surprised as we are to see Julie consistently behind the wheel of a car), as well as both Herb and Patricia. After relating to me how he’d done several recreations of his famous Hulk #181 cover, Herb demonstrated up on the board (right above Petey and Cartoon Julie) how exactly he’d drawn Wolverine’s noggin alongside his signature on a series of signed comics some years back.

I didn’t have a chance to explain to Herb how I too, um, do cover recreations…

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EVERYONE loves that Wolverine debut issue, but I’ve gotta wonder, has Herb had a chance to revisit Hulk 170 yet? I have…

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(Here’s links to the above pair of redos over at my cyber-home: Hulk 170 and Hulk 181.)

We got to talking about web-comics, something I’ve only recently dipped my ink-stained toes into (see The Fred Hembeck Show Episodes 91 and 95), but that didn’t prevent me from encouraging Herb to start one over on his very own website! He’s got some pretty nifty notions for a strip – I figure, if he serializes it, soon enough, he’d have enough pages for a full-blown book, one I’m sure some enterprising publisher out there would be more than happy to get behind! If, like me, you’d like to see such a thing come to funny book fruition, well, go on over to Herb’s site (yes, Virginia, this is the link) and utilize the contact option found therein to drop him a line, urging the affable artist to share his heretofore unseen creations with the world!

The rest of the morning zipped by, and soon, noon beckoned, which signaled clean-up time, followed immediately by lunch. I said good-bye to the class (and to Julie as well – I reluctantly had to skip her offer of a quick tour of the art room downstairs, as Patricia was pressed for time, needing to get back from lunch by one o’clock for some further, non-cartooning connected, duties. Next time, kiddo – promise!…), and so the three of us piled into Herb’s car for the short drive over to Goodfellas. Geez, what a day it was – Poughkeepsie set a new temperature record for the date, with the mercury topping out at a balmy 75. Which made the juxtaposition of rapidly melting snow leftover from weeks before all the more bizarre – and considering we were slapped with a full foot up brand new snow less than forty-eight hours later, even more memorable! Some people blame such extremes on global warming, but MY money’s on Flash’s old foe, The Weather Wizard! Makes as much sense as anything else, I’m thinking…

On the way out, incidentally, Herb noticed a student who reminded him of Michelle on 24, commenting on the resemblance to Patricia. I didn’t see the girl myself, but I took Herb’s remark as an opening to query the pair about what long-time readers of my Fred Sez blog will recognize as my favorite current television show during lunch (which they so graciously treated me to – thanks again!). Turns out that Herb just sorta stumbled into the show way after the fact (unlike yours truly who’s been tuning in since day one), watching each season via the DVD route. Luckily, I discovered this fact before I blurted out any spoilers about the most recent episodes! Truth to tell, Herb, Patricia, and Natalia (Patricia’s teen-aged daughter) have only made it through the first four seasons thus far, though I was assured that they have day five sitting at home, merely waiting for the opportunity to be viewed. I’m anxious to hear what they think about it myself because, in many ways, it was the series best season to date. A lot of startling stuff took place on Jack Bauer’s fifth really, really bad day, and I’m curious to learn their reactions. Y’know, that sub I had for lunch was scalding hot, but I think the reason my tongue was sore afterwards wasn’t so much from superficial burns as it was from biting it so hard!…

All too soon, lunch was over, and Herb dropped Patricia off at school, and me near my car in the parking lot. I think now would be as good as time as any to say a few words about Mr. Trimpe. Y’see, while I’ve known Herb for probably twenty years plus – I THINK I first met him at one of Berni Wrightson’s once-annual-but-lamentably-no-more Halloween Parties, and I KNOW I saw him at one of Joe and Hilarie Staton’s spring gatherings shortly after Julie was born – until last week (including a pair of quick run-ins at PDS last year), I’d likely never spoken to the guy for more than five minutes at a time, if that! Partially, this was my own doing – whenever I encounter anybody who was involved in producing the comics I read while growing up (particularly during the sixties), I’m automatically deferential to the point of being downright intimidated. It’s some sorta deeply ingrained “I’m not worthy!” syndrome at work, I suppose. But I’m here to let you in on something that’s no secret to anybody who knows Herb – he’s one heckuva guy! Amiable, enthusiastic, and just masterful at putting folks at ease – I can readily see how he’d make a great teacher. After, for the first time ever, spending so much quality time with him, the final results are in: Herb Trimpe, Marvel Bullpen Legend, also turned out to be Herb Trimpe, swell guy! And kudos to Patricia for making me feel so comfortable in unfamiliar environs as well! When the pair invited me to return later in the semester for a second go-round, I accepted without hesitation. I have absolutely no idea just WHAT I’ll be teaching the class (maybe how to write a really long-winded blog entry perhaps?…), but I’m sure I’ll think of something. Otherwise, I’ll just fake it, and spend my most of my energy on figuring out more ways to embarrass my offspring!

As a sort of postscript to the above, I feel compelled to explain how my exciting day wasn’t over when I disembarked from the Trimpemobile, not by a long shot! Before it was time to drive Julie home from school, I had about ninety minutes to (deep breath now) drive to Staples to make some copies, drop in Best Buy to look for the new Neil Young CD (which they didn’t have in stock yet), pick up some organic cabbage and the like at the local health food store, zip on over to the regular supermarket for some corned beef and my annual six-pack of beer (for the then impending St. Patrick’s Day meal), and finally a quick peek into Barnes and Noble, arriving back in the PDS parking lot only moments before Julie exited from class and headed for my (or as she likes to call it, “her”) car. We spied a smiling Herb “Shogun Warriors” Trimpe parked not far away, awaiting a pair of passengers himself, and gave a hearty salute to our cartooning colleague as we left.

You’dve thought that woulda been it for me, but no – in a bit of unintentionally ironic scheduling, the College Night prep lecture for parents of eleventh-graders was that very evening! So, after not setting foot inside PDS for over a year, this very day I was roaming those hallowed halls not once, but twice! Originally, the plan was for Lynn and me both to attend the evening’s discussion – and maybe I could’ve even begged off and sent my wife instead, save for one undeniably salient fact: Julie had a big pre-calculus test the next day, and considering the difficulty she was having with the subject, she needed SOMEONE to help her study. Given her options – and how I’d likely come in, at best, in a four way tie with our rabbit and two cats as to who’d be the most assistance to her – it was best that Lynn remained at home to help Julie. So, yeah, as wiped out as I felt – I even succumbed to a very atypical hour-long nap around five, feeling nearly as exhausted as I did after chasing kindergarteners around at that game farm over a decade earlier – I went back at seven for the nearly two hour talk. Sarah, who had first signed me in almost twelve hours earlier, jokingly wondered if I had even bothered to go home – at that point, it sure didn’t seem like it!

But while I learned a lot of valuable information during that evening’s Q&A, not a single person requested a Wolverine sketch from yours truly, so I won’t bother to go into any further detail. Suffice it to say, when you send your kid to college, you end up with (as our friend the Hulk might put it) “Puny bank account!”…

(I’ve already plugged Hembeck.com to death, but it’s customary to end these things with a link, so who am I to buck tradition?…)

-Copyright 2007 Fred “Petey” Hembeck

Music For The Masses: 3/22/07

Filed under: Columns,Music for the Masses — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:43 am
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Happy Thursday, everybody and hang in there”¦the week’s almost over!!! Welcome again to my (by which, I mean, Mr. Smith’s) little slice of the “internets,” a slice that we like to call Music for the Masses. How ya’ll doing? Well, I hope. Me? Why, I’m doing better than Brittany or Lindsay in re-hab, by which I mean, I still have my hair, my skivvies and my dignity. However, I must admit, I am a bit concerned that my body appears to be rebelling against my latest bout of “partying” by taking this innocuous, seasonally-colored beverage”¦

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Shane McGowan’s breakfast”¦ lunch”¦ dinner”¦ snack”¦

“¦converting it quickly to piss by a process I think the scientific community calls “piss-mosis,” and forcing my body to rapidly expel it in mighty, prolonged bursts like this…

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Tell me the truth, friends”¦ do you think it’s a problem that I’m still pissing green almost a week after St. Patrick’s day? Seriously. I’m scarred about this colored, explosive piss-thing and a bit un-nerved that I’m getting solicitations, now, from the Bellagio in Vegas to be a part of their “Fountain Show©.” I’m even more un-nerved that I’m actually contemplating taking the gig. Well”¦whatever. Tell you this, though, and you can take it to the bank”¦ that is the LAST time I drink green beer on St. Patty’s day AND get serviced at a $10 Glory Hole in an inter-state truck stop.

But enough about all that, cherished friends, for we have some sweet new music to check out. This week, we have a review of the cheery new release from Modest Mouse, We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank, Double A checks in with the latest from Hieroglyphics and J.D. graces us with his presence.

Sound like fun? Well, hows about we find out?

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Artist: Modest Mouse

Album: We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank

Sounds Like: A band that I should have been paying a hell of a lot more attention to instead of surfing the net for nude pictures of Jodie Sweetin from Full House”¦after she grew up, you sick fucks.

I’m going to be perfectly honest with you people. Up until I sat down to whip up this “review,” I didn’t know a whole hell of a lot about Modest Mouse. Sure, I’d heard of them. I remember that song “Float On,” I remember hearing that the lead singer, Isaac Brock, is a shitty drunk and that the man-god, Johnny Marr, had joined the band. But outside of those meager details, I didn’t know jack shit about these guys. So”¦I did what any person in that position would do and broke out the computer for a little research. Four hours later, dehydrated and nursing a sore wrist from viewing Malaysian Monkey porn, I entered “Modest Mouse” in the old, faithful search engine and here’s what I learned:

For starters, did you know that you can get banned for life from Disney Land® for being an “Immodest Mouse?”

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If you listen close enough, you can hear Walt’s head crying little, frozen tears.

How about fans of Eek-A-Mouse being almost twice as likely as other reggae fans to be caught boarding a plane with a baggie of Jamaican Haze shoved up their ass? Talk about some stinky bud!! HEY OH!!

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Did you just pull dat weed out your ass, mon?

And, after chasing down some Mighty Mouse links for another idea I had, I discovered that I actually have a strong, sexual attraction to anthropomorphic mice chicks. Isn’t self-discovery fun?

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“Here I Come”¦”

Don’t get me wrong, I mean I still love bustin’ nut to the Betty Rubbles and Kim Possibles of the cartoon world, but now, as far as I’m concerned, nothing, and I mean nothing, can beat (no pun intended) a smokin’ pair of hot little mouse titties.

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Mmm, hmm”¦ that’s what I’m talking about. Now bend over and squeak for me.

Of course, I learned a bunch of shit about Modest Mouse, the Issaquah, Washington-based band that has been belting out alt rock since 1994 (See, learned that shit there, I did!), too, such as they have a distinct dislike for Dead Heads, Blender Magazine named them as one of the “25 Reasons to Love 2007” and Isaac Brock has a 3 nipples and an un-descended right testicle”¦okay, the last one came from some douche bag’s blog, so take it for what it’s worth. But, hands down, the most important thing I discovered about this band is that I absolutely LOVE this latest disc of theirs, We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank. Seriously. In fact, if it had a fuck-able orifice, I’d marry it. Let’s see them pull THAT quote and slap it on the front of the disc!

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When Gap ads go bad.

The thing I like most about this new disc, that je ne sais quoi, if you will, is the unmistakable and prevailing “fuck you” attitude. Isaac Brock is one pissed off dude (at radio stations, the fans that called him a “sell-out” after the success of “Float On” and life, in general) and he wants you to know about it. That’s why it was such a brilliant move to bring in Johnny Marr to “lay down the happy” under Brock’s tortured, and mostly non-sensical lyrics. Hell, Marr was doing the same thing with Morrisey back when Brock was still pissing his Pampers® and sniffing glue behind the local Shop’n Go”¦ or something like that. Of course, it would have been nice to have something on this album that screams “Holy Statutory, Batman! That’s Johnny Marr!,” but that’s me just being a picky bitch.

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Quirky and purposefully dense bands like Modest Mouse live and die by their ability to weave melodies and hooks into the bizarre tapestry of their music and, in that regard, Modest Mouse is living “high on the hog” with this disc. Case in point, the discs opener, “March Into The Sea,” starts as an off-kilter, jarring and bombastic romp but by the time the chorus hits, BAM!!…you have a nice little melody. 30 seconds later”¦ BAM!!… your back wading through shit. However, by the second track, with its Franz Ferdinand earnestness, Brock and gang hit their stride and string together some of the tightest, most interesting and entertaining tracks that I have heard on a disc since Kidz Bop 9. Way to go, kids!!! That mother fucker was off the hook!!!

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The fact that albums like this exist is proof to me there is no God. This and Sanjaya from American Idol.

Again, there is not a weak track on this baby, but the album highlights for me are the tracks “Parting of the Sensory,” which sounds like it’s being sung by Mr. Garrison from South Park before devolving into an Irish folk stomp, the sure fire hit “Florida” that features some really cool backing vocals from the Shins James Mercer and the moody and slowly simmering “Little Motels.” This is a top shelf disc, folks, and I honestly can’t recommend it highly enough.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and do a little more research on whether or not you get banned for life from Disney Land® for doing this”¦

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In case you ever wondered why his voice is so high.

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hiero 3-22-07

I’m going to confess something here, and I hope you all don’t get too upset. This album, Hieroglyphics Over Time, has absolutely nothing to do with the Wu-Tang Clan. I know, I was as shocked as you. Never fear though, next week I should be back with the brand new album from Redman, so you’ll be able to get your Tang fix then. Now, back to the subject at hand. Over Time was somewhat of a surprise to me, as I didn’t know that it was coming out. Hieroglyphics is a group of rappers that I really don’t know much about. I do know though that one of my favorite rappers, Del the Funky Homosapien, is a member of the group and that in and of itself was enough to get me excited about this album. I gotta admit, even though this isn’t a Wu-Tang project, this is a damn fine album. I do have a few gripes, but we’ll get into that a bit later.

For an album that is a B-sides/ unreleased/ remix collection, every song on this album is good, and I can honestly say that there are no tracks that I automatically reach for the “skip” button. The thing about Del, and the rest of the Hieroglyphics crew, is that the raps just seem smarter. You don’t get the typical raps about fuckin’ bitches and poppin’ caps in punk asses. I’m not saying that those are bad topics for rap songs, it’s just refreshing to hear something new and different. Del is one of the most original rappers out there, and he shows it on the rhymes that he spits on this album. Picking the best song on this album would be like trying to decide which one of your short and curly hairs to pluck out first. You don’t want to have to do it, so anyone you pick is just as good as the one next to it. Off the top of my head, if you’re looking to sample some songs from this album, I’d say give a listen to “Soundscience” from the Souls of Mischief and “Battle of the Shadow” from Del and APlus.

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My one and only gripe for this album comes on the remix for the Del song “Phoney Phranchise.” The song itself is great and sounds a lot better than the original, but as I was listening to it I noticed something. The damn song is edited. What the fuck is up with that? I call bullshit. There is no reason that this song should be edited as every other fuck and shit on the album is there in its full, four letter glory. It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

It’s good to see a “new” release that includes Del, and this album only makes me want his long awaited cd 11th Hour even more. Hopefully it will see release at some point this year. In the meantime, do yourself a favor and pick this album up.

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Reverb… with J.D.

If you read last week’s MFTM, you know that MC called me on the proverbial carpet for leaving him hanging with no Reverb. It’s true, but I had a good excuse”¦involving booze and a blonde, buxom waitress who used to be a flight attendant for TWA. I’m not even kidding–T.W. F*ckin’ A!! So ultimately I called him up and said (in my best Spicoli voice) “Sorry, Mr. Hand, I just couldn’t make it to class.”

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JD had a gnarly excuse for missing last week’s column

Now, chances are half of you don’t know who Spicoli is”¦or maybe even what TWA is for that matter. A reader who called himself only “N8 Dogg” wrote to me after my Patrick Swayze column saying, “Dude, cut it out with the 80’s references already. Nobody cares about your stupid nostalgia for that lame-ass decade.” And as much as that stung, I know that N8’s got a good point. These are the Double Oughts, after all! So just for him I started wearing my jeans around my ass with my hat cocked sideways, and I began experimenting with ‘cutting’ myself – to let out the pain, of course, but also to get in touch with today’s generation (As it turns out, cutting is actually a lot more fun, and less dangerous, than our 80’s release/pastime of hanging ourselves with a belt while masturbating…kids are just so much smarter these days!)

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Catching Up With Modern Fashion

AND, to top it all off I recently went out and saw one of those ‘Modern Rock’ bands – Snow Patrol – that the youngsters love so much these days. When I first got the invite to go to this show, I got really excited because I thought it was Taylor Hicks’ band”¦talk about a chance to view the world through the eyes of a young hipster! Alas, as it turns out the name of that band is “Soul Patrol,” and my ‘American Idol’ aspirations were dashed.

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Wrong Band Name, But This One’s Just For You, N8 Dogg

Nonetheless, I was still excited for the concert”¦.it was reportedly Sold Out that night, and at a cool venue here in Denver (The Fillmore Auditorium). Plus, I didn’t know any of their music and was eager to see what the fuss was all about, as well as to see the accompanying ‘scene.’ I must admit though, I was halfway anticipating a suck-a** show, based solely upon the band’s lame name. Because sometimes you can just tell that a band is a pukey, flash-in-the-pan just by their name, can’t you? Think “Fastball” for instance. You knew they were never going to have a hit again. Same with “Brad,” and more recently”¦”Fall Out Boy” (Anyone who disagrees with me regarding these last-mentioned douche bags, I’ll take $20 bets that they aren’t doing sh*t in five years. Who want’s some action??)

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On Tour Now: Fall Out Boy, sponsored by Massengill!

Anyway, Snow Patrol met my expectations in some cases, and exceeded them in others. I figured the crowd would be amped for their hits, and disengaged during the rest of the filler. Which was essentially true”¦you could tell people were waiting around for the five or so ‘big’ songs by the band. But the weird thing was that the crowd was essentially disengaged even during the hit songs. For the duration of the show, there was very little dancing, fist pumping, or even palpable excitement shown by the crowd.

I also expected that most of the music would sound the same”¦the local ‘modern rock’ station that was promoting the show refers to itself as “Area 93.3” (ooooooooh”¦”¦radical!) and most of the sh*t they play sounds exactly the same. Heavy guitar riffs and trumped-up angst sung in monotone voices rule the airwaves”¦.it’s quite depressing. And while it’s true that most of Snow Patrol’s songs sounded exactly like the ones that preceded it, it was clear from the outset that this band has some real musical chops. In fact, a majority of the songs flat out rocked”¦which made the crowd’s lack of enthusiasm all the more puzzling.

When it was all said and done, I was glad to learn that I had generally underestimated Soul Patrol. They put on a solid show, if not one that I would necessarily clamor to see again. But all in all, it was a nice foray into the younger generation’s scene. So thanks for having me, kids! I’d stick around, but I’ve got to get going now. I’ve got a double date tonight”¦with a TWA stewardess and a belt.

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Autoerotic Asphyxiation: It’s Not for Kids!

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

NEW MUSIC RELEASES”¦ 3/27/07

ARTIST

TITLE

GENRE

FILTHY THIEVING BASTARDS I’m A Son Of A Gun

ALT

ANTELOPE Reflector

ALT

LET’S GO SAILING The Chaos In Order

ALT

POKEMON Pokemon X – Ten Years Of Pokemon

CHILD

GOOD CHARLOTTE Good Morning Revival

N/A

EVERYTHING AT ONCE Everything At Once

POP

GOJIRA The Link

POP

GRANT-LEE PHILLIPS Strangelet

POP

MIKA Life In Cartoon Motion

POP

TIMBALAND Timbaland Presents Shock Value

POP

TODD CAREY Watching Waiting

POP

TOUSSAINT MCCALL Nothing Takes The Place Of You

POP

HEATMAKERZ The Rush

RAP

J RAWLS & DECLAIME It’s The Dank & Jammy Show

RAP

J. FLEXX Billboard Dreams

RAP

KILLAH PRIEST The Offering

RAP

MESSY MARV / MITCHY SLICK Messy Slick

RAP

OMNI Batterie

RAP

PRODIGY Return Of The Mac

RAP

SPANISH FLY Crimes Of Agony

RAP

THA DOGG POUND Dogg Chit

RAP

THES ONE Lifestyle Marketing

RAP

BRIAN AUGER Reinforcements

ROCK

CHE ARTHUR Iron

ROCK

CLUTCH From Beale Street To Oblivion

ROCK

DAPHNE LOVES DERBY Good Night, Witness Light

ROCK

KLAXONS Myths Of The Near Future

ROCK

MACHINE HEAD The Blackening

ROCK

MADINA LAKE From Them , Through Us, To You

ROCK

NIGHT KILLS THE DAY The Study Of Man

ROCK

HACRIDE Amoeba

POP

KAZZER Broke

POP

KOLDBORN The Uncanny Valley

POP

PRETTY THINGS, The The Pretty Things

POP

RUBINOOS, THE Everything You Ever Wanted

POP

SHINER Making Love

POP

STERNS, THE Sinners Stick Together

POP

Well, there you have it, my friends. Have a good one and we’ll see you next week. Until then, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!!

Send photos of your favorite cartoon babe, review copies, assorted hate mail and sundry presents to:

M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

Keneteph’s Corner: Fathers Of The Nether Beasts

Filed under: Columns,Keneteph's Korner — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:09 am
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Fathers of the Nether Beasts

nether-01.jpgThe rules have changed for filmmaking and filmmakers are now achieving success in their own hometown. People no longer have to move to Hollywood, or New York as a sure shot of “making it” in the entertainment business. Arizona filmmakers Brian and Dean Ronalds formed Ronalds Brothers Productions as a means to make and release their own films. Me being an Arizona resident, I was inspired to interview these two because they continue to do what they love – making movies – while feeling no pressure to move to Hollywood.

Their most recent film, Nether Beast Incorporated, stars View Askew’s own Jason Mewes, and also Steve Burns, the original host of the children’s’ show Blues Clues. Kevin Smith blogged about this movie last November, and now Quick Stop Entertainment brings you the inside scoop on the film and its creators in this interview.

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THAAHUM: How did you guys get your start making films?

RONALDS BROTHERS: We’ve have been involved in the entertainment industry for the past 20 years. Growing up in Los Angeles, Albuquerque, and Littleton, we were able to perform onstage and in front of a camera at our schools, dinner theatres and local broadcasting companies.

THAAHUM: Do you guys specialize in one type of genre or different kinds?

RONALDS BROTHERS: Our first short we produced, “When Dark Falls” was a 12 minute Horror flick, then we did a Crime Drama, “Bounty” in Denver, shot a 22 minute War short titled “A.W.O.L.”, we did another 3 minute Horror short, “SPLiT”, then we shot a 17 minute Drama, “Portrait”, and then we moved into comedies with the shorts, “The Netherbeast of Berm-Tech Industries, Inc.”(6 minutes) and “Little Victim” starring Robert Wagner and Lori Singer.

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Dean and Brian Ronalds

THAAHUM: Who are your influences?

RONALDS BROTHERS: Directors ~ Mel Brooks, Neil Simon, Jim Jarmusch, Alfred Hitchcock, Actors ~ Gene Wilder, Tim Curry, Jimmy Stewart, Tom Hanks, Mike Myers.

THAAHUM: Tell us about your current project?

nether-04.jpgRONALDS BROTHERS: Nether Beast is based on the award-winning short The Netherbeast of Berm-Tech Industries, Inc., which took Best Screenplay at the London International Festival of Science Fiction and Fantastic Film; Best Comedy Short at Filmstock; Best Comedy Short at the Long Island Film Expo and at the Toofy Film Festival; and was the Micro Short Hall of Fame Winner at the International Horror and Sci-Fi Film Festival, among other awards and rave reviews. Both of us were named Best Arizona Filmmakers of the Year at the 2005 Phoenix Film Festival. Nether Beast is our feature film debut.

THAAHUM: What was it like working with everybody, especially Jason Mewes?

RONALDS BROTHERS: It was killer working with so many great folks. Steve Burns is so easy going, Judd Nelson is like a walking, talking encyclopedia, Dave Foley doesn’t have a non-funny bone in his body, Amy Davidson is as sweet as they come, Darrell Hammond was caring and supportive, Robert Wagner as always was a gentleman and a scholar, and then there’s Mewes. Mewes was on time and ready to go everyday. It was like hanging out with the homies when he was on set. Off set, he was very personable. We both have 4 year olds who took a liking to Mewes. He played with them and joked around with the little ones. Late one night after we wrapped for the day, Me, Dean, Steve Burns and Mewes were hanging out in the pool. We all decided to have a “Pool Olympics” by seeing who could swim the fastest and the furthest while holding our breaths under water. Mewes won. We then proceeded to see who could do more under water flips in one breath. Mewes won with 7. The dude is one athletic MoFo. Jason was a pleasure on and off the set and we think you’ll like his take on Waxy Dan. It’s definitely different then anything you’ve seen him do before!

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Steve Burns, Jason Mewes, and Dave Foley on the set

THAAHUM: Has Nether Beast shown at any film festivals?

RONALDS BROTHERS: Not Yet. We’re scheduled for:

WORLD PREMIERE
AFI DALLAS INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL
March 30th and 31st at the Landmark Magnolia Theatre
for more info go to www.afidallas.com

WEST COAST PREMIERE
10th ANNIVERSARY SONOMA VALLEY FILM FESTIVAL
April 12th and 13th
for more info go to www.sonomafilmfest.org

ARIZONA PREMIERE
2007 PHOENIX FILM FESTIVAL
April 14th and 15th at the CineCapri in Scottsdale
for more info go to www.phoenixfilmfestival.com

THAAHUM: What has the response been?

RONALDS BROTHERS: So far, we’ve done small test screenings and the response has been very positive.

THAAHUM: Now I read you prefer to stay here in AZ to make movies, which goes against the grain of those who move to LA or NY to make their films. What made you choose to stay here to continue your filmmaking career?

RONALDS BROTHERS: As filmmakers, if you have an idea and a camera, it’s movie makin’ time whether your in Greeley, Colorado or Albuquerque, New Mexico!

THAAHUM: How do you think things are changing for aspiring artist to have success with their craft in their hometown?

RONALDS BROTHERS: One word. Technology. If you have a drive and willingness to follow through on what you say and dream, you can make things happen wherever you’re at!

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Steve Burns & Jason Mewes with Leif Ronalds (Brian’sSon), loungin’ after a shoot.

THAAHUM: Where can people find out more information on the film?

RONALDS BROTHERS: www.netherbeast.com, http://www.myspace.com/netherbeast, http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=netherbeastmovie

THAAHUM: What are your future goals and aspiration?

RONALDS BROTHERS: We’re currently working with writer Bruce Dellis, Executive Producers Kevin Berman, F. Miguel Valenti, Chris and Rodney Rothert, and Dan Wilhoit on our next Feature Comedy, to be shot Fall 2007.

–Copyright 2007 Keneteph Entertainment

Nocturnal Admissions: Book Review – In The Studio

Filed under: Columns,Nocturnal Admissions,Reviews — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:09 am
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There’s breaking news in Todd Hignite’s In the Studio: Visits with Contemporary Cartoonists (Yale University Press, 320 pages, $29.95, ISBN 978-0300110166). The news appears in the first chapter, dedicated to Robert Crumb (does anyone call him “R .” anymore?) and concerns Crumb’s forthcoming comic book version of Book of Genesis, to be published by Norton.

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Hignite’s interview took place June 28th, 2005 at Crumb’s studio in a village in rural Southeastern France (the name of the village is buried in the book but generally Crumb doesn’t like journalists to publicize it). Crumb announces to interviewer Hignite that he plans to do a literal version of the book, and Hignite reprints some sketches of the volume, the world’s first look at Crumb’s Genesis.

At that time, Crumb had only done the first four pages of the book (!), and was still breaking it down. But he predicted that drawing the Book of Genesis would take years, and that he intended to do a literal version, not clean it up for modern readers. For example, Genesis repeats itself by offering two different versions of the Creation story, so Crumb will dutifully follow suit. As he talks about the Bible, Crumb sounds like a thoughtful scholar weighing this or that influence on elements of Genesis, not the trend-setting cartoonist of the late 1960s who showed nuns chopping off penises.

I’d heard through the grapevine that Crumb had gone into seclusion to finish Genesis, and it is a now well known fact that Crumb doesn’t like giving interviews (the last formal interview he did was way back in 1999 for the L. A. Weekly, and appears at the end of my anthology, Robert Crumb: Conversations), but the next thing I know he is all over NPR and the British newspapers publicizing his new book, The Sweeter Side of R. Crumb in conjunction with his wife Aline’s new book, Need More Love: A Graphic Memoir, both from M Q Publications. Now comes this important and enjoyable book, which also contains interviews with Art Spiegelman, Chris Ware, Gary Panter, Charles Burns, Daniel Clowes, Seth, Ivan Brunetti, and Jaime Hernandez. The physical book itself honors the artists and their art, coming on thick glossy paper filled with gorgeous illustrations, not only of the work of the artists themselves but of the copious illustrators and the “detritus” of the culture who influenced them.

Todd Hignite is the editor of the high quality, beautifully designed journal Comic Art, which takes the world of comic strips seriously and spans all eras of the art form. Be it the Mexican poster art of Ernesto Cabral, the history and influence of Kerry Drake, of the brief benighted career of underground cartoonist Rory Hayes, Comic Art treats them as if they were all major contributions to the culture, not disreputable crude throwaway artifacts. If it weren’t for the copious and delightful illustrations you’d think you were reading The Journal of American Literature. Some of the interviews printed in In the Studio first appeared in Comic Art. Every single one of them is fascinating (though I’d like to particularly recommend Burns and Spigelman for special attention because they are also, like Crumb, long students of the comic book). Though Hignite doesn’t spur his cartoonists to go into too much detail about their creative process, despite the book’s title, his interviews nevertheless offer expansive background on the comics and art that influenced them.

In his interview, Crumb doesn’t go into much detail as to why he is pursing Genesis, but Crumb did admit in his Coffee Table Book that he believes in everything, be it UFOs or Big Foot, and an interest in the first book of the Bible may be a return to his Catholic roots, which caused him much fretfulness when he was a kid debating ethical situations with his brother and friends.

The interview is very interesting in pointing out a key difference between Crumb and other cartoonists, especially those drawn to superhero stories. Friends of his are superhero fans and not as much into the humor comics that he liked as a kid. “It’s almost a different kid of nervous system that dictates it, a neurological difference. The kind of kids who liked superheroes wanted to be superheroes or emulate that, see themselves in that role or something. Some kind of Boy Scout thing.” Superhero buffs are much more prevalent than the funny animal fans, and so even within the outsider status of comic book fandom Crumb is doubly an outsider. The superhero fans are probably much more extroverted, while the funny animal fans are perhaps more introverted and yet paradoxically more literary as well as more attuned to comic book heritage. Crumb’s appreciation for the intricacies of Carl Barks’s Donald Duck comics shows an awareness of beauty within disposable art, and Crumb’s appreciation of it is itself kind of beautiful.

Though Crumb can repeat himself in his interviews and comics, Hignite manages that most remarkable thing, getting the venerable artist to speak eloquently with fresh ideas and observations.

QSE News: 3/22/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:03 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgTom Cruise has signed on to star in director Bryan Singer’s untitled WW2 movie. While little is known about the plot of the movie, Singer did reveal that it is based on a true story.  Cruise will play a soldier who brain washes a hot actress, forces her to bear his child, and locks her in the basement in order to appease the great Lord Xenu.  Filming is slated to begin next year.
  • Both CDs released by the super-group Traveling Wilburys will be re-released after more than 10 years out of print. To celebrate the re-release of the albums, the band is planning a reunion tour that will begin as soon as they can exhume the bodies of band members Roy Orbison, George Harrison and Bob Dylan.
  • Hilary Duff has come out to the press, saying that she felt pressure to loose weight.  The 19-year-old singer and actress says that seeing reports on her weight in tabloids led to the feelings that she was getting too fat.  We here at QSE News want to applaud Miss Duff for finally bringing this issue to the forefront.  In related news, Thunder-Thighs Duff has recently been cast as Rosie O’Donnell in a new bio-pic.
  • Charles Harrelson, the father of actor Woody Harrelson, has died of a heart attack.  The elder Harrelson was in jail at the time of his death, serving two consecutive life sentences in a federal prison.  Representatives for Woody Harrelson wanted to stress that his father was in jail for murder and not for being responsible for the birth of Woody.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/22/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:43 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • RIP, Calvert DeForest… Larry “Bud” Melman will be missed… (Thingamabob)
  • Courtesy of SNL and Jeremy Irons, it’s Looney Tunes Classics… (Thingamabob)
  • At this point, who doesn’t Carlos Mencia steal from? (Thingamabob)
  • And as a final fond farewell, Dave sends Larry “Bud” to get some change… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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March 21, 2007

QSE News: 3/21/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:18 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgHalliburton and Michael Jackson apparently aren’t the only things interested in moving to Dubai. According to Marvel Entertainment, Inc, a new theme park will be built in Dubai featuring many of Marvel’s most popular heroes. The theme park is scheduled to open in 2011 and will be bombed in 2012.
  • Angelina Jolie is set to star in the comic-adaptation Wanted. Wanted is the story of a man who attempts to take his father’s place as the World’s greatest hitman. Jolie will play an assassin who helps the main character blossom into a cold hearted killer. Jolie is said to be practicing for her role by traveling to foreign countries, murdering innocent people and taking their children.
  • And in continued Jolie news, protesters are demanding that graphic new ads for the movie Captivity, starring former 24-hot box, Elisha Cuthbert, be pulled from L.A. billboards and N.Y. taxi cab placards.  The protests are being led by Jolie, who emphatically states that “the advertisements represent a factual representation of her recent adoption activities.”
  • The three or four remaining fans of Britney Spears will be glad to hear that Spears will be ending her stint in rehab this week after having a “major breakthrough.”  Unfortunately, we here at QSE feel that we would not be a responsible news organization if we failed to report that her only “breakthrough” has been stubble “breaking through” the skin of her head and pubic region.  Just thought you should know.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/21/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:05 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • Here’s Mark Evanier contextualizing a legendary vaudeville/burlesque bit used by many equally legendary performers… (Thingamabob)
  • Great Moments In Comic Book History Volume 1: Pirate Batman Throws Down On A Shark… (Thingamabob)
  • The 1995 Shooting Stars Christmas Special… (Thingamabob)
  • “The Rock goes on and on and on and on…” (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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March 20, 2007

Toy Box: Plo Koon Mini-Bust

Filed under: Columns,Toy Box — admin @ 3:28 am
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When you make a list of all the best Jedi, Mr. Koon probably doesn’t ran in the top 5. Unless you’re his mom. But he was considered an ass kicker even amongst other Jedi, and there’s no doubt he has one Hell of a cool alien appearance. He’s a Kel Dor, and has to wear protective goggles and breather whenever he’s in oxygen rich atmospheres, which in the world of Star Wars is pretty much all the time.

Gentle Giant has finally added him to their Star Wars mini-bust series, in a limited edition run of 4500. Yea, I know – that’s not too limited, but he might just be a cool enough bust to sell through. Expect to pay around $45 for him, and he’s available now.

Gentle Giant Plo Koon mini-bust

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Packaging – ***
These use the new dull 30th anniversary colors of gray and black – did I mention that these were dull? However, there’s some good points. There’s a nice window that allows you to see the bust, which is always a plus for me. Also, there’s the usual GG baseball card style Certificate of Authenticity. And of course, the interior foam is designed to keep Plo and his saber nice and safe. So while it’s not perfect, it’s better than average.

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Sculpting – ****
The sculpt is extremely well done, with some wonderful skin texture and amazing small detail work on the breather and claws. The robe itself doesn’t have any texturing, which some fans may end up not liking, but it is consistent with other GG mini-busts.

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While he’s not quite as impressive as Chewbacca, he certainly ranks up there with Maul and some of the Jedi released previously. Because he has such an interesting face and skin texture, they could get more detail and style in this bust than a more boring human, and they took advantage of it.

If you haven’t picked these up before, they stand around 6″ tall, and they are close to sixth scale from the waist up. Close, but they are a smidge small when compared to something like the Sideshow Star Wars line.

Paint – ***1/2
The paint doesn’t quite rank up there with the sculpt, but it’s still well above average. I was actually a little worried when I saw him through the window of the box, because the paint looked too washed out. However, once I had him out of the box, I was much more impressed.

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They used a wash to pull out the cool sculpt of the freaky skin and head, and did some amazing paint work on the finger nails. There’s also a nice range of colors here, both light and dark, that adds some nice pop to the shelf.

All the paint is well applied of course, with clean cuts between colors and no slop whatsoever.

Design – ****
These mini-busts can be tough to design. Jedi’s are men of action, especially Plo Koon, who felt that justice was best served violent. But with only half a body, how do you manage to pull of the perfect pose? This bust answers that question. They did a perfect job with the pose of the arms, head and even the flow of the hood on the back of his robes. This is the best Plo Koon we’ve ever gotten (although the Sideshow 12″ version may end up giving him a run for his money), and fans should be very happy.

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Value – ***
Most mini-busts run around $40 to $45 these days, and GG sets the bar for quality in sculpt and paint. Usually. This mini-bust is an excellent example of GG at their best, and as such, gets a better than average value rating.

Things to Watch Out For –
I had a bit of an issue getting the saber together. It’s a very tight fit, which is a good thing due to the angle that he’s holding it at, but you’ll want to use a slow twisting movement to get it to fit the first time.

Overall – ***1/2
This is a great looking bust, and will fit in perfectly with the rest of the series. Of course, only the regular buyers of the GG Star Wars mini-busts is going to pick this guy up – seriously, how many Plo Koon only fans are there? All three of you can write me and complain, but the rest of us know he ain’t no Boba Fett.

Where to Buy –
Online is your best bet, unless your LCS gets these in regularly. Options include:

– Alter Ego Comics has him at $42.49.

– Dark Shadow Collectibles has him in stock at $40.

– Amazing Toyz has him in stock for $43.99.

– CornerStoreComics has him as well for $43.99.

– Hero Hunt has him in at $44.99.

– and for the U.K. readers, there’s always Forbidden Planet, who has him for 32.99 pounds.

Related Links –
I’ve covered a fair share of GG Star Wars busts and statues:

– the most recent was the excellent Chewbie and Darth Maul, the poor Qui-Gon, Palpatine, and Lando in Skiff Disguise.

Party Favors: Tubbs With A Beard

Filed under: Columns,Joe Corey's Party Favors — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:23 am
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ATLANTA – Do you want to contribute to a organization that will offset your carbon footprint? Do you want to feel like you’re doing something good for the environment while you scoot around the globe on your Lear Jet? Do you want to do this by merely scribbling a lot of ones and zeros on a check to clear your conscious?

Don’t think contributing to a wind farm or a solar panel park is going to scrub your soul from the greenhouse effect. Instead you need to send me that check because I’m an offsetting machine. I don’t do too much to be a carbon monster. I work out of my house so I’m not wasting four hours commuting. I do a lot of shopping online so I don’t even burn that much energy going to the mall. My wife complains that I keep the house too cold in the winter and too hot in the summer. I’m your conservation companion. Your money will be going to the best cause in the world – me!

If you sent me over $100,000, I’ll make sure we plant lots of flowers in our three square feet of front lawn. Did you know that a single daisy can reduce the damage caused to the atmosphere by Donald Trump’s methane emissions? The more money you send me, the less I’ll do. I’ll even only exhale half as much. Every little CO cutback counts. If Bill Gates wants to send me $10 million to offset the damage he caused by promoting Vista, I promise to stay in my house an entire week (but not on consecutive days).

You have to send cash because a check means I’ll have to go to the bank and that’ll work against my tiny carbon footprint. Wait, cash would be bad since I’d only want it in twenties and that’s a lot of trees that need to be shredded to create those sweet bills. Best thing to do is send me a gift cards to various stores. Yup. So drop by Target and get me a $10 million gift card, Paul Allen.

Any money raised over the $10 million will be donated to the fund to stop Angelina Jolie from adopting children. Why exactly does this woman really need that many kids to drag through airports? How many arms does Brad Pitt have for baby holding? This is not a low profile family. Each kid gets brazenly exposed to the harsh world of the tabloids. They’re hunted by hundreds of filthy animals with telephoto lenses. Imagine going from a small Vietnamese orphanage to the cover of US Weekly? It’s just not healthy. I feel bad for Shiloh Jolie-Pitt (or is it Pitt-Jolie) since with the latest addition to the family, she’s stuck with another older sibling. Who wants to wake up and discover the new kid has leapfrogged you in the “hand me down” rankings.

STARLITE MEMORIAL

It is with a sad heart that the Party Favors announces the passing of Bob Groves (1952 – 2007). You might not know him, but if you’re a regular reader, you’ll recall the praise heaped upon the Starlite Drive In Theater in Durham, N.C. Bob owned and ran this wonderful place. Last summer I pledged to only see films at the Starlite instead of the major chains. I wanted more than the antiseptic people moving experience of Carmike. The Starlite was joyfully rough and tumble. The asphalt was potholed. Bathrooms were extra cramped. During the day, the place was a gun shop. He had a sign declaring that he wouldn’t sell weapons while the movies were running. Perhaps this was to insure nobody got shot for putting their had in the wrong popcorn bucket. This was an authentic drive in experience and not a Crackerbarrel recreation.

The bliss arrived in the concession stand line when you bit into the hamburgers. It was fresh ground beef – not frozen patties – that they slapped on the grills. Mmmmmmm. When was the last time you looked forward to having dinner at the movie theater? Bob was a great host. And he was always there so I could ask him what was coming up. Last summer there was one film that I had to see at the Starlite: Snakes on a Plane! And he booked it. While Samuel L. Jackson battled the reptiles on the screen, in the sky above we saw passenger jets on their way to nearby RDU International. It was poetic. And a cherished theater going memory.

I found out about Bob’s passing when checking the theater’s website to see if he was running Grindhouse. That double feature screamed Starlite. To see Rose McGowan’s machine gun gam through the steamed up windows….  The extra sad news is that Bob was the sole owner and operator so the fate of the Drive In is up in the air. Hopefully a fan with more spending cash than me will continue Bob’s good work in the community. Although if I get the $10 million “carbon” cash, I’ll be willing to buy the place. Are Drive-in theaters considered “green friendly?” We aren’t wasting energy to heat and cool a large indoor space.

I will miss Bob Groves. Years from now, people will brag about how they saw movies at the Starlite instead of the multiplex. Here’s hoping that Bob has pulled into heaven’s Drive In and is sharing a corndogs and onion rings with Sam Arkoff and Claudia Jennings.

If you want to know more about Bob Groves, visit: http://www.saveourstarlite.org/index.html.

THE CURE TO WHAT?

Anyone else disturbed that The Secret DVD has a woman claiming that she cured her cancer by watching funny movies? What? David Spade and Rob Schneider can cure cancer? Can the secret in ending this horrible disease lurk in the frames of Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo? She doesn’t even give a complete list of every movie she watched to defy death. That’s just wrong. It’s a frickin’ tease. What does a better job: Monty Python and the Holy Grail or Larry the Cable Guy as The Health Inspector? Can Woody Allen’s Stardust Memory fight back the mutation better than Radio Days?

Does it just have to be a movie? What about reading funny columns on the internet? Can the “Party Favors” cure cancer under The Secret‘s treatment plan? I bet this column could cure cancer better than a dozen screenings of Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights.

DON’T LOOK AT ME

Why is Dennis Hopper telling me about retiring? Here’s a guy who over the years has probably shaved years off peoples’ lives. Do you think anyone survived hanging with Dennis and matching him on drug intake during production on The Last Movie? I don’t think those folks need a retirement plan so much as a treatment for coma recovery.

If anything Dennis Hopper should just be telling us, “How the hell did I live this long?”

Nothing makes those anti-drug PSAs look foolish than Dennis Hopper making commercials. How exactly can we see drugs as leading us to the road to ruins when Dennis Hopper is now in charge of your retirement dreams?

What was the Drug Czar smoking when he signed off on the animated ad with the guy who smokes pot and ignores his talking dog. If your dog talks, you are smoking more than just pot. And if I read the PSA right, this guy could listen to his talking dog if he quit toking? Back way from the bong, Drug Czar.

WHO NEEDS RADIO?

Why are commercials better for discovering music than the radio? I’ve grown addicted to the bouncy ditty behind the HSBC – or is it HBSC? – ad. I don’t even know what this company is called or does because I’m hypnotized by the woman singing. And that woman is Leslie Feist. The band is Feist. And the song is “Gatekeeper” off their Let It Die album. Although I’ve been told the version in the ad is from Open Season, a remix CD. She’s got the swankiest guitar riffs since Max Eider’s Best Kisser In The World. She’s got a voice that should be serenading James Bond during his seduction scene.

Speaking of Bond, EON will be nuts if they don’t cast Ray Stevenson as either Bond’s cohort or foil in the next film. Stevenson is the reason I watch Rome on HBO. He’s got the best bloodlust expression on TV. When his Titus Pullo pulls out the sword, he has the look in his eye that would cause a stuntman to piss in his pants with fear that Ray’s going for the deathblow.

Ray has the same physicality to his performance that Daniel Craig’s delivered in Casino Royale. Even if Ray is the head henchman of the super-villain, when he tangles with Craig, the audience is going to think it’s an even battle on the screen.

CINEMAX AFTER LARK

How can a film called Kinky Kong on Cinemax not star Misty Mundae? And has anyone made a DVDA movie called The Four Riders of the Orifiocalypse?

LICK ‘EM, DANNO

Anyone else addicted to the first season boxset of Hawaii Five-O? Jack Lord storming around the islands with Danno, Chin Ho and Kono has been a constant scene on my TV. What gets me most about the show is the various guest stars. The best was Gavin MacLeod as Big Chicken. Who knew that Captain Stubbing and Murray Slaughter could be the creepiest guy in a tropical jail? The DVD’s clarity brings out the constant sweat covering his bald head. Wonder if Gavin had flashbacks to “The Box” episode when he guest starred on Oz? How would Jack Lord deal with a prison riot with Vern and Chris flipping a coin for his ass?

While watching the Five-Os, I kept having the overwhelming urge to see Jack Lord on a postage stamp. Actually there needs to be a set of TV crime fighters being offered for airmail. Besides Jack Lord, the set should include James Arness,  William Conrad, Raymond Burr, Dennis Weaver, George Peppard, Telly Savalas and Robert Stack.

Would you not want to stick these men onto your mail? You are probably wonder why there are no women in the list. A person has to be dead to appear on a stamp. Angie Dickinson, Angela Lansbury and Cagney and Lacey haven’t gone to the big booking room in the sky. Neither has Philip Michael Thomas, Richard Roundtree and Cheech Marin. But they can be kept in reserve for future, Great TV crimefighters stamps.

Please join me in my effort to get Jack Lord and other TV crimefighters on our stamps. You can write your plea to:

Citizens’ Stamp Advisory Committee
U.S. Postal Service
475 L’Enfant Plaza, SW
Room 4474EB
Washington, DC 20260-2437

Because of the self-adhesive nature of modern stamps, you won’t be able to lick McGarrett. He’s going to stick to your mail until its delivered.

GIMME THE ROCK

The Basketball Hall of Fame needs to induct Dick Vitale. The man has a passion for calling the game. You can say he’s as annoying as Howard Cosell, but Dickie V doesn’t hide beneath a rug. The man altered the way a sportscaster relates with the fans. Some guys play along with the crowd to make good television. Vitale absorbs the energy of the fans. He’s like a player who gets his second wind from the home crowd stomping out Queen’s “We Will Rock You.”

Because of the crypto-creepy voting method of the Basketball Hall of Fame, it’s hard to plead a case. The fact that Bobby Knight and other great coaches have written testimonials for Vitale should let these gatekeepers understand that Dick has elevated the game with his enthusiasm. Maybe they don’t want to vote him in for fear that Dick’s acceptance speech will go longer than Liz Taylor’s rambling moment at the Golden Globes. Dick needs to promise he’ll keep it down to six hours.

ROLL THE HALL

VH1Classic ran the raw live feed of this year’s Rock N Roll Hall of Fame ceremony for the first time. Who knew this event ran so long? It was like being stuck in the drive-thru lane at Taco Bell. These guys made the Oscars look speedy.

The saddest moment of the night was the induction of Van Halen. Why does the R&RHOF have a boner for Velvet Revolver? Instead of striking a deal for David Lee Roth to come out and rip apart “Jump,” we get these losers destroying “Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love.” Scott Weiland needs to get back on the drugs cause he’s got the twitches. It was so f’n painful to watch. Why did the Hall have to screw us out of Diamond Dave? Did he want a flamethrower, Bridget the Midget and the Donkeyshow? Cause they should have given it to him. Last year Velvet Revolver stunk it up as they inducted the Sex Pistols and they brought them back? And their induction speech sounded like they copied it from the Wikipedia. Only Sammy and Michael Anthony showed up for the hardware. What was the point? Anthony didn’t even bring up his Jack Daniels bass. What should have been a great moment in debauchery turned into a lounge act for Sammy’s Cabo Wabo club.

R.E.M. should still be waiting three more years before getting voted into the club. But at least Eddie Vedder gave a real speech about the band and how they mattered to him. He reminded us what really attracted us to R.E.M. all those years ago – the basic fact that we hadn’t a clue what Michael Stipe was mumbling on Chronic Town. But during Stipe’s long winded list of thank yous, we heard every word. And amazingly enough one name skipped was Jefferson Holt, their old manager. He was the inspiration for the only R.E.M. line that I’m willing to quote: “Jefferson, I think we lost.” It was sweet that during their performance, they stuck to the old stuff and avoided any material that Warners pays $16 million per album to dump into the marketplace.

Patti Smith was a joy to behold on stage. She was so sweet when she talked about her mom’s favorite song and broke into “Rock N Roll Nigger.” That’s my mom’s favorite Patti Smith Group song. A shame on the Hall of Fame for not inducting the complete Patti Smith Group. Without Lenny Kaye, she’s getting into the Poetry Hall of Fame. Plus Lenny put together the Nuggets compilation that brought together the double album of the greatest garage rock of the ’60s. The Hall A-holes put Sammy Hagar into the Hall with Van Halen. Why no love for Lenny? At least R.E.M. and Patti got their jab on the weirdness of the Hall’s voters when they finished the night with the Stooges “I Wanna Be Your Dog.” Why no Iggy, Wennerdog?

Next year better be Todd Rundgren and Iggy Pop, jerks. And the next time I see Velvet Revolver at the ceremony, it better be part of the Groups that Suck and Broke Up montage.

BREAK THIS

Don’t rent National Lampoon’s Spring Break thinking it’s merely 70 minutes of dumb entertainment from the folks who brought you Pledge This and Van Wilder. Instead of just being a low budget dorkfest, it’s merely National Lampoon trying to do a sophisticated Girls Gone Wild. A majority of the  exposed breasts in this “documentary” about college kids getting wasted belong to playmate Nikki Ziering. It’s like she’s making an audition tape to take over Julie Strain’s hosting activities. Her boob job looks pretty painful. She really should get them adjusted. They looks like stale Jell-O domes.

Nikki’s boobs have nothing on the softballs inserts on the girl who lifts up her tanktop at the end of the video. They look like twin aliens punching through her chest. You’re never too young to become a plastic surgery disaster.

Most of the co-eds are just seen flaunting their butts in bikinis at National Lampoon sponsored pool parties. The DVD would be good for parents who need an excuse as to why they’re not handing over the AmEx card so Princess can spend a week in Cabo. Do you really want to know how your daughter won that special t-shirt? Can you handle the sight of her popping balloons by dropping onto a guy’s crotch?

Here’s a little warning – no matter how cute you think it is, after a body shot, do not have the girl squirt the lime onto your eyeballs.

OUCH!

Another thing you shouldn’t squirt onto your eyeballs is Tim and Eric’s Awesome Show, Great Job. This is Wonder ShowZen for people who have to copy their mom’s answers when filling out customer surveys. I’m guessing the green screen effects qualifies it as animated enough for Adult Swim, but it’s dead boring. The good news is that this show has allowed Tom Goes to the Mayor to no longer be my least favorite Adult Swim series.

What’s extra sad watching the show is knowing that Bob Odenkirk is behind this project. What happened to Bob? He was great on The Ben Stiller Show. I even forgive him for introducing David Cross to America on Mr. Show since that HBO series was funny. But there is no excuse for Tim and Eric’s Awesome Show. Nobody is going to be cured of a split ends watching this show.

VICE IS NICE

If you drop by the estate over the next few weeks, you will be forced to watch Miami Vice since Best Buy is selling the seasons 3 & 4 boxsets for $50 total. Behold the power of Tubbs with a beard!

QSE News: 3/20/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:48 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgThe Smashing Pumpkins will be performing at the Virgin Festival in Toronto. It remains unconfirmed who exactly makes up the Smashing Pumpkins as, currently, the only two members are Billy Corgan and Jimmy Chamberlin. Some promoters feel that the band could have issues rounding out the line-up because, as one unidentified source stated, “it’s hard to find musicians who are capable of putting up with large amounts of [EXPLETIVE DELETED] from a little, bald control freak.”
  • Tragedy struck the set of the new TV show Lipstick Jungle as the show’s star, Brooke Shields, became locked in her trailer.  Apparently Miss Shields became stuck in the trailer when she failed to realize she had to turn the knob and pull on the door for it to open.  Shields blamed the incident on her post partum depression.
  • Uma Thurmon and her boyfriend Andre Balazs have split up. Reports from the couple say the split is amicable but was forced when Balazs saw My Super Ex-Girlfriend.
  • In a historic moment, the TV game show Jeopardy ended in a three way tie. All three answered the Final Jeopardy question which was “A gigantic tool” with the correct answer of “Who is Alex Trebek.”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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March 19, 2007

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/20/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:46 pm
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • Four Yorkshiremen – Harry Enfield, Alan Rickman, Eddie Izzard, & Vic Reeves… (Thingamabob)
  • Alan Partridge & Clive Anderson, Part 1… (Thingamabob)
  • Alan Partridge & Clive Anderson, Part 2… (Thingamabob)
  • Find out the true meaning of “flip-reversing it,” courtsey of Never Mind The Buzzcocks… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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SModcast 6

Filed under: SModcast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:47 pm

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SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.

The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.

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SModcast 6: Inverted Nipples –

In which our heroes lament the death of a cinema legend, discuss the dead and other threats to the environment, analyze where billionaire authors’ biggest nut comes from, catch up with Potise while constantly incorrectly referring to Arnold’s as Al’s, reminisce about scholastic achievements, search for insight into an ex-girlfriend’s mother’s motivation in penning a very damning note, and get steamy with tales of teenage heavy petting.

[CONTENT WARNING] SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
SModcast 6 (MP3 format) – 58.47 MB

[display_podcast]

SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes
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Wanna add your two cents? Spend it here, in the SModcast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SMODCAST ARCHIVES

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QSE News: 3/19/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:15 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgCate Blanchett has signed on for the next Indiana Jones movie. Although unconfirmed, Blanchette is expected to voice a playful, funny-talking, all-CGI character.
  • Phil Spector will finally stand trial for the murder of actress Lana Clarkson, committed almost four years ago. The trial will be shown on live TV and will feature Spector looking totally [EXPLETIVE DELETED] crazy.
  • Contrary to reports posted last week, Jake Gyllenhaal will not be playing Captain Marvel in an upcoming film. This is good news for the director’s second choice for the role; Richard Simmons.
  • Michael Bay is attached to direct the film 2012, based on a book by Whitley Strieber. It’s being reported that Bay is asking for a budget of $4.5 billion dollars and is planning on waiting until the year 2012 to begin filming to keep the film “realistic.”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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March 18, 2007

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/19/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:57 pm
thingamabobs.jpg

The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • Heed the 14th Century wisdom of Jacobus… (Thingamabob)
  • Whatever happened to A. Whitney Brown? I miss him… (Thingamabob)
  • Vic Reeves & David Walliams on 8 Out Of 10 Cats… (Thingamabob)
  • You’ll be a dentist, and a success… (Thingamabob)
  • There’s a new cereal in the neighborhood… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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March 17, 2007

Game On! 3-17-2007: THIS is Sparta…

Filed under: Game On! — admin @ 6:23 pm

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So THIS is Sparta. Blood, guts, gore, battles, and violence. Greece was a turbulent place full of myths and legends”¦and with that kind of mythology comes movies, comic books and, of course, video games. This week we’re taking a look at two such games (one of which is based on a movie that’s based on a comic book”¦that’s based on a movie about a legend). Get ready for some hardcore gore, this is just about as violent as it gets.

OH GOD YOU DEVIL

gowII.jpgIn 2005, Sony released one of its most epic, violent and storied games ever. Now, two years later we finally get a sequel to that tale of revenge and betrayal, and we come to find that there’s more of the same”¦and that’s not a bad thing at all. GOD OF WAR II is bigger, badder, and has more revenge and betrayal in it than you can shake a Barbarian Hammer at.

When last we saw Kratos, the Ghost of Sparta, he had killed Ares and become the new God of War. Now, full of power and a thirst for blood, he leads his Spartan armies to lay waste to the other cities of Greece. The Gods don’t take too kindly to this, and Zeus tricks Kratos into giving up his godly powers. Betrayed, Kratos seeks vengeance upon all the Gods of Olympus (but mainly Zeus), and is aided by the mother of the world, Gaia, to bring down the son of Kronos once and for all.

To say that the game is riddled with mythology is a bit of an understatement. All the familiar characters from High School Mythology Class make an appearance, from Theseus and the Steeds of Time, to the Sister of Fate and their threads, to Icarus, who flew too close to the sun on wax wings”¦and Kratos encounters them all”¦in his own unique fashion.

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The gameplay remains mostly the same from the previous title. Kratos uses his Athena Swords to hack, slash, gut, eviscerate and disembowel everything in his path. As he kills, red orbs are collected and used to upgrade his weapons and gain new combo attacks and powers. He also gains new weapons as he quests, such as a giant Barbarian Hammer, a mystic bow, and the Golden Fleece (used to project attacks back at his foes). All the while, the level design shines as the most innovative and epic looking stages not seen in a game since”¦well, since the last God of War.

The timed button sequences have returned as well, where once Kratos has taken a foes life down to a certain point, hitting the circle button triggers a sequence where the player must match button commands on screen in order to take down the enemy once and for all. This time around they seem more intuitive, and definitely a bit more graphic than before. You haven’t lived until you’ve pulled a Cyclops’ eye right out of its foul head.

If there was one complaint I would have with the game, however, is that while everything seems familiar, yet improved in most aspects, the one area that needed refreshing was the enemy character designs. Many foes from the last game are back, and although there are a few new ones, this is one area where I’d like to have seen a whole slew of new baddies, not just an occasional one or two. Still, what’s there is viscous and violent, and there’s plenty of gore to go around.

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It’s impossible to talk enough about this game, but this review needs to end somewhere. Let me just leave it to say that if you enjoyed the first game, the second will strengthen your love for the series. While the motive for revenge isn’t as strong as the last time, and there nearly aren’t enough plot twists and reveals as last time, there is still much to be had. A great story, great gameplay and overall great game are here just waiting for you to quest for them.

One Gamer’s Opinion:
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GLORY BOUND”¦BUT NOT THERE YET

300mtg.jpgIn the movie 300, the King of Sparta leads his 300 “bodyguards” against an invasion from Xerxes, the God-King and his army of over one hundred thousand strong. Based on the Frank Miller graphic novel, the film has a lush visual style and a graphic nature that lends itself well to the ideal of a video game. Unfortunately, the game we get, 300: MARCH TO GLORY for the PSP, doesn’t quite live up to the standards set by the graphic novel and film.

When watching the film, many sequences will remind viewers of such games as PRINCE OF PERSIA and to a small extent GOD OF WAR. However, the game itself is nothing more than a pale hack and slash effort with some mild innovation. While the visual look of the game mirrors the graphic novel well, the style of the film isn’t captured nearly as well here, and those looking for an extension of the film might be a tad disappointed.

The story follows the film in the same way, beginning at the Hot Gates and fighting the Persians in the nook of the craggy rocks, but all this entails is slashing with your sword, a few shield bashes, and that’s it. There are a few moments when the enemy’s arrows “blot out the sun” and by holding down the L and R buttons, you can tuck tail underneath your shield for shelter, but these are few and far between. There are even a few phalanx sequences, where your army pushes ahead with spears and shields to stop the advance of enemy forces (and Elephants) but something about each gameplay missions feels incomplete.

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Maybe it’s the lack of a jump button. In the film, you see Spartans leaping and slashing, attacking with wild abandon and finesse”¦in the game, you just hack, slash, block, repeat. Sure, some sequences from the film are repeated in game graphics”¦but you don’t really control those.

It’s not a horrible game, mind you”¦just a horribly repetitive one. Had the developers taken just a little more time with it (rather than, oh, trying to make a buck with a tie-in) we could have gotten a game on the same level as the film. What we’re left with, however, is just a reminder that we’d rather watch the movie.

One Gamer’s Opinion:
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Well kids, that’s it for this week. The new releases are starting to pick up again, so the next few weeks should have some good news and reviews for you. See you next time.

THE GAME ON! RATING SYSTEM

 

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Ratings From Greatest to Least:

Kick Ass, Right On, Okay, Eh, and Stinker (aka CRAPTACULAR)

Comics in Context #169: New York 2007 – The King Of Creation

Filed under: Columns,Comics in Context — admin @ 6:18 pm
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SATURDAY, FEB. 24, 10 AM

cic2007-03-17.jpgPleased at the success of the opening reception for “Stan Lee: A Retrospective” at the Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art, I remained there until the party finally broke up around 1:30 in the morning. That meant that eight hours later I was trudging from Penn Station to the Javits Center for the second day of this year’s New York Comic-Con. I’d already been keeping late hours that week putting finishing touches on the wall texts for the exhibit, and now I was definitely falling well into sleep debt.

Still, I was better off than the folks standing out in the February chill in the long, long line waiting to get in. It was about 10:10 AM when I arrived, and the con had been officially open for ten minutes, and yet the line was so lengthy that I could not see where it ended. Lucky for me I had my all-powerful press badge, so I could walk right in. Inside the Special Events Hall, the panel “Slayer Tales with Xander, Kendra and Drusilla” was already in progress. The auditorium seemed half empty, not surprisingly, with so many people still stuck outside on line.

“Slayer Tales” marked the tenth anniversary of the debut of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series, and there was even a birthday cake. Ten years already!? But the panel’s title turned out to be a misnomer: Nicholas Brendon, who played Xander, one of the leading characters, didn’t make it, either because he was stuck in traffic, or due to illness, according to different reports. (Brendon did show up to sign autographs later, and reportedly was clearly somewhat ill.) The other actors who showed up were all minor players on the series, including Bianca Lawson, who portrayed the short-lived African slayer Kendra, Larry Bagby, Dennis Christopher, James Leary, and Jonathan Woodward.

The exception was Juliet Landau, who memorably portrayed the recurring vampiress villainess Drusilla. Wearing large glasses, with her hair pulled back, and speaking in an open, friendly American accent, Landau was unrecognizable as the half-mad, British Dru. She recalled that once she was doing a “press thing in England” and the interviewer was “floored” to discover “I was American.”

Of all the panelists Landau made the most interesting comments. When a fan inquired about whether the actors could improvise dialogue, Landau explained that they could not change the dialogue, but they had considerable freedom of interpretation. “If I feel like dancing on the table” or “rolling on the floor,” she said, she could do it. Landau said that early on she had a “creative meeting” in which she was confused by the seeming contradictions in Buffy creator Joss Whedon’s description of Drusilla as both “childlike” and “sexual” and as both “sweet” and “innocent” yet “diabolical,” but that she eventually got a handle on playing these dualities in the character. “It was really collaborative,” Landau said, “but the words were strictly the words.” The “growls” and “giggles” that she put in, she added, were “not scripted.”

Another fan informed Landau that “my eight-year-old daughter does Drusilla impressions.” “Oh, no!” exclaimed Landau.

Of course, inevitably, Landau was asked to do Drusilla’s voice, and though she cautioned that she hadn’t done it in a long time, Landau shifted with apparent ease into Drusilla’s eerily sing-song British accent, and then shifted back to herself, smiling, as the audience applauded.

SATURDAY, FEB. 24, 11 AM

On that morning, outside the Special Events Hall, I saw two celebrities showing off their legs. The first was Hayden Panetierre, who plays the super-powered cheerleader on the NBC series Heroes. She was a vision of beauty with her blonde hair, minidress and boots, as she was escorted past the Special Events Hall by security. (See for yourself. Here’s a photo of Ms. Panetierre talking with comics writer Peter David in the Con’s green room).

Yesterday I had seen a Silent Bob impersonator, but later this morning I saw Quick Stop’s lord and master, Kevin Smith himself, in his trademark long black coat, shorts, and sneakers outside the Special Events Hall. Didn’t he get cold outside? (But I commend Ms. Panetierre’s decision to sacrifice her personal comfort for the sake of aesthetics.)

Between admiring Ms. Panetierre and sighting the Quick Stop’s founder, I made my way over to the Javits Center food court, which opened at 11 Am, and devoured an early lunch, knowing I wouldn’t get another break for eating until 7 PM. At one point I looked up and saw my favorite member of the Flash’s Rogues Gallery, the Mirror Master, walking over to the food court. Well, I’ve never seen him at a comics con before. He passed by a table where Supergirl was having lunch. She didn’t seem to notice the notorious super-villain; well, I guess she was off duty. This was one of three Supergirls I would see this weekend, as if she were Triplicate Girl as well. The mainstream media would have you believe that virtually everyone at a comics con is in costume, and this is far from true. But I rather enjoy seeing a familiar costumed character nonchalantly pass by at these conventions.

SATURDAY, FEB. 24, 12 PM

Studying the program book I noticed that tickets were required for the next panel I intended to attend, “MARVEL: Stephen King’s Dark Tower–The Gunslinger Born,” which would start in an hour. But how would I get a ticket? Returning to the lobby area just outside the Special Events Hall, I saw there was already a long line snaking back and forth, waiting to enter for the King panel. I asked one person in line when the con had begun giving out tickets; he replied, somewhat contemptuously, “Eight A. M.” Two hours before the convention opened!? Considering how long the line was to get in shortly after 10 AM, just how long did people have to wait out in the cold to get tickets for the King panel?

I soon located one of the red-shirted volunteers who was in charge of distributing tickets for the King panel, showed him my all-powerful press badge, explained my connection with Publishers Weekly, and after consulting with other parties, he gave me a pass for the panel. Although I joke about the Red Shirts at the New York and San Diego Cons, he was gratifyingly helpful, and explained to me that the meeting rooms were cleared at the conclusion of each panel. The Red Shirt was quite surprised when I told him about the “camping” phenomenon that the San Diego Con encourages in its largest auditorium, the humongous Hall H. Not only are no tickets necessary to attend the movie preview panels in Hall H, but many, many conventioneers settle into Hall H on Saturday morning and never leave till the final panel of the day concludes. That’s why I never got into the Spider-Man 3 panel at last year’s San Diego Con (see “Comics in Context” #146).

I wonder if, as attendance continues to mount at the San Diego Con, whether its organizers will also have to issue tickets for certain Hall H presentations (as they already do for events such as the Masquerade) and clear the hall afterwards. But I expect that if tickets are given out a full two hours before the Con opens for the day, I still won’t be able to get into these panels. (The San Diego Con doesn’t make exceptions for press people trying to get into Hall H.)

SATURDAY, FEB. 24, 1 PM

The large audience in the Special Events Hall broke into applause as the creative team for Marvel’s Dark Tower comic walked onto the stage. There was Stephen King’s research assistant Robin Furth, who plots the comic, and who turns out to be an attractive, smiling woman with long blonde hair (as you can see here). There were also the comic’s scripter Peter David, illustrator Jae Lee, colorist Richard Isanove, letterer Chris Eliopolous, and editor Ralph Macchio.

“There’s Joe!” exclaimed a guy who was sitting near me and who was ecstatic at seeing Mr. Quesada, Marvel’s editor in chief. But there was one person still missing, King himself, whom Quesada proceeded to introduce as “one of the greatest authors and creators in the last fifty years, maybe ever!”

Now wait a minute. I haven’t read widely in horror prose fiction, and, for all I know, Clive Barker, for example, may be a superior writer to Stephen King. But I’m very fond of The Shining and The Stand, so I have no trouble accepting the idea that King may be the greatest contemporary writer of horror fiction. But “one of the greatest authors and creators in the last fifty years, maybe ever”? Maybe not.

Where to begin? Well, I could start at the top: is Stephen King in the same league as Shakespeare? Or perhaps I could start listing authors who are greater than King in roughly chronological order: say, Homer, Aeschylus, Sophocles, Euripides, Aristophanes, Plato, Aristotle, and so on. It’s a lengthy list.

Or I could refer to the celebrated Yale scholar Professor Harold Bloom, who recently listed his “five most important books” in Newsweek: the complete works of Shakespeare, Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales, Dante’s Divine Comedy, Cervantes’ Don Quixote, and Homer’s Iliad. Why, how strange that Professor Bloom did not mention Mr. King!

There are all sorts of ways to come at the question of who’s a greater writer than Stephen King. For example, I could refer to the title of last week’s “Comics in Context,” which I took from Walt Whitman: he’s a better writer than King, too.

And I should think that Mr. King would agree that all the people I’ve named are superior to himself. Years ago I saw the British playwright Tom Stoppard being interviewed onstage at Columbia University. The interviewer started comparing Stoppard to Shakespeare, and Stoppard clearly looked embarrassed, presumably because Stoppard, one of the leading contemporary playwrights, surely realized he was still nowhere near being a match for the Bard.

And hey, Quesada referred to King as “one of the greatest authors and creators. . .maybe ever,” so that takes in creators of any form of art. So is Mr. King superior to Ingmar Bergman, or to Leonardo da Vinci, or to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart? Or to the Creator of the heavens and earth? This is fun.

But, you may be saying, I shouldn’t make too much of Mr. Quesada’s remark as signifying Marvel’s limitations in appreciating literature. Oh, look, here in the second issue of Marvel’s Dark Tower comic is a house ad for the company’s new Marvel Illustrated line, comics adaptation of what the ad calls “literature’s greatest stories.” First up: The Man in the Iron Mask. It’s as if I wasted my time studying James Joyce’s Ulysses in school instead of the oeuvre of Alexandre Dumas. (And shouldn’t Marvel be adapting The Three Musketeers before its sequel?)

“I’ve been saying ad nauseum,” Quesada continued, “that being able to publish The Dark Tower is a coming out party for the comic book industry.” In his six years as editor in chief, Quesada said, his goal has been “reaching out into the mainstream.” Publishing The Dark Tower comic, Quesada declared, demonstrates that “We’re a very serious art form and one to be reckoned with.”

And here I thought that Art Spiegelman’s Maus winning a Pulitzer Prize in 1992 had proved comics could be a “very serious art form.” Or maybe when Time Magazine named Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ Watchmen as one of the hundred greatest novels published between 1923 (when Time started publication) and 2005 (when the list was made). (Mr. King isn’t on this list, either.) Or Alison Bechtel’s autobiographical graphic novel (graphic autobiography?) Fun Home being named as one of the New York Times’ “100 Notable Books” of 2006? Or the success of the “Masters of American Comics” traveling museum exhibition (see “Comics in Context” #151-156)? Or the widespread appreciation of comics professionals such as Robert Crumb, Chris Ware, Neil Gaiman, Scott McCloud, Harvey Pekar, and Will Eisner in the worlds of academia, museums and the mainstream media in recent years.

Certainly King is now a mainstream writer, and not simply read by a niche audience. But would the literary world consider comics to be a “very serious” artform simply because there is now a comic book based on King’s work? Quesada is probably unaware of the controversy that erupted in the literary world when King received a Lifetime Achievement Award at the National Book Awards in 2003. I think that King deserved the award, but it’s important to realize that many people in the literary community did not.

So thus I am reminded once again why I’ve always felt somewhat out of place in the world of comics, whose study I regard as my life’s work, but where I remain on the periphery. I’m a man with three Ivy League degrees in English literature who works in a field in which the major publishers couldn’t care less about my academic background. We just don’t think alike.

The literary world is quickly learning to take comics seriously; the real question is when the comics industry itself will recognize what it truly means to be a serious artform.

And let’s appreciate Stephen King for his genuine achievements in popular culture, without indulging in unfounded hyperbole.

Finally Stephen King came onstage, and the audience gave him a standing ovation, cheering more loudly than the audience did yesterday for Stan Lee. Once again, people crowded down front, flashing their cameras in the panelists’ faces. Quesada told them “Thank you” over and over, as an obvious hint to sit down, but these amateur paparazzi kept on flashing. Unlike yesterday during the Stan Lee panel, this time convention staffers cleared the space in front of the stage.

And you know how I keep joking in my convention reports that the Red Shirts seem like fascist stormtroopers? The con actually stationed people in Star Wars stormtrooper costumes in front of the King panel dais as guards! Over the weekend I would continue to see Star Wars stormtroopers actually acting as Con security. (If they unmasked, would they all turn out to be clones?)

When I saw King at Radio City Music Hall last year (See “Comics in Context” #148), he was giving a performance, acting the role of the scruffy, macabre prankster, who delighted in scaring and grossing out his audience. At the New York Comic-Con he was more serious and subdued, but still in character.

The first question was from an audience member who said he hadn’t read The Dark Tower novels and wondered if the comics contained any “spoilers.”
“Spoilers!” King retorted. “There are no spoilers!” King continued. “You might as well say “˜I’m never watch The Wizard of Oz again because I know how it comes out!” Summing up his opinion of Marvel’s Dark Tower, King declared, “The comic book just kicks ass.”

Another audience member asked if Peter David was “intimidated” by working on a comics adaptation of “a serious book that’s reached this many people.” (Here we go again. What makes Stephen King’s Dark Tower any more or less “serious” than Peter David’s Hulk?) David replied that “What’s intimidating is it’s a book that’s going to one particular person,” indicating King. David said that King “goes over everything.”

Another audience member asked KIng, “If I donate one hundred dollars to your favorite charity, will you autograph my copy of The Dark Tower?”

King quietly replied, “No,” to appreciative audience laughter,

A questioner asked about the theme of the final novel in The Dark Tower series. King explained, “if there’s an overall theme to The Dark Tower, it’s one of evolution. You don’t get what you want immediately. . . .Sometimes you don’t get it right the first time or the second time or the fiftieth time. There has to be an evolutionary process.”

Then, observing that there were Harry Potter fans in the audience, King said that “when you do a long body of work. . . .when you get to the end, you’re going to piss off a lot of fans. They are pissed off because it’s over,” or because it ended differently than “whatever they had built up in their minds.”

Peter David interjected that he “thought the ultimate theme of the books” was the futility of “obsession, and how it turns back on itself.”

After Quesada made another of his respectful references to “Mr. King,” King threatened, “If you keep calling me Mr. King, I’m going to kick your ass.” Peter David suggested “your lordship” as an alternative mode of address. (I see that the New York Comic-Con program book’s biography of King, on page 10, refers to him as “Stephen Edwin King.” Edwin? What kind of novels would you expect from a writer who called himself “Edwin King”? Now there’s an alternate reality to contemplate.)

Another audience member asked if King had planned certain events in The Dark Tower saga in advance, but King said no, explaining that “The story tells itself in a sense, and it’s your job to stand back and let it be what it is.” King compared it to a “hunk of granite,” saying you “know there’s a guy” in there. (Although King did not credit him, this is a paraphrase of a famous statement by Michelangelo about sculpting. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michelangelo)

The other panelists were asked what it was like to sit on a convention panel with Stephen King. “His lordship?” asked Quesada, who replied that years ago at the San Diego Comic-Con he was asked “what’s the Holy Grail in comics?” Quesada told us he replied, “To work with Stephen King.”

Then King was asked if he was interested in working on any Marvel characters. “I never say never to anything,” King replied. He observed that he had written his novel Firestarter about a character, Charlie McGee, who could mentally set fires. “I’ve done the Torch, what’s the point?”

Asked about what comics he had read in the past, KIng named Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, Alan Moore’s V for Vendetta, and Garth Ennis’s Preacher, as well as Spider-Man.

King then addressed why he had so long refused to permit adaptations of his Dark Tower series of novels. “This is my life’s work,” he explained, stating that he had started it when he was twenty and finished it in his fifties. “So it’s very important to me,” and until recently, he had “said no to everybody” who asked to turn it into a movie.

“But when the chance came to do The Dark Tower as a comic book, I thought this was the best of all possible worlds. This [the characters?] will look the way they’re supposed to look. And when they brought in Jae Lee and Peter David, I just thought, “˜This is as good as it gets.’ If you guys have ever seen some of the movies that have been made from Marvel comic books. . .a lot of times the books are better than the movies.”

Now there may be a Dark Tower movie as well, made by J. J. Abrams and Damon Lindehof, co-creators of the television series Lost. “I trust these guys,” King told us. “And they said, “˜How much do you want for an option?’ And I said, “˜nineteen dollars.’ And that’s what they paid me and that’s where it is.” (The significance of the number nineteen here is as mysterious to me as that of those cursed numbers on Lost.)

Towards the end King was asked if when he was writing a character, he ever imagined he ever imagined the character looked like a specific actor. “I never see them,” he replied, suggesting they were “behind my eyes. Maybe if they looked in a mirror I would see them.” Here King seemed to be moving toward the notion that all of his characters are actually parts of himself.

And, oh yes, King said that just before the panel, he and the panelists had been discussing possibly doing a Marvel adaptation of The Stand!

SATURDAY FEB. 24, 2 PM

Weeks before the New York Comic-Con, I had been asked to moderate a panel titled “NYCC’s Behind the Panels: The Classic Age of Comics,” which had a stellar lineup of giants of the Golden and Silver Ages, including Murphy Anderson (Hawkman, The Spectre), Arnold Drake (Deadman, Doom Patrol), Irwin Hasen (Wildcat, Green Lantern), Carmine Infantino (The Flash, Adam Strange, Batman), and Jerry Robinson (Batman). I eagerly accepted, but then, a week before the Con, noticed that its online schedule didn’t list me as moderator, or Anderson, Infantino and Robinson as panelists. I contacted the con organizers, and was told that they had lost my contact information, and had reassigned the role of moderator. (This is especially too bad because I missed my opportunity to interview Arnold Drake, who died shortly after the convention.)

However, on Friday I was asked to moderate a Saturday afternoon panel called “NYCC’s Behind the Panels: The 80s Superhero Renaissance” featuring Brian Bolland (Batman: The Killing Joke), Bill Sienkiewicz (Moon Knight, The New Mutants, Elektra: Assassin), Walter Simonson (Thor), and Rick Veitch (The One). After rearranging my Saturday schedule, I again eagerly accepted.

And so, on Saturday at 2 PM, I took my position behind the lectern in Room 1E14, before a large audience, and waited for the panelists to show up.

After a few minutes I informed the audience that I was simply holding the start of the panel until the artists arrived.

Several more minutes passed. I told the admirably patient audience that I had had experiences at the Big Apple Con when I was supposed to interview a guest who never turned up for the panel, but this was the first time that I had four–count “˜em, four–absentees!

I introduced myself to the audience, giving many of my credits, and was quite surprised when they applauded my mention of co-authoring DK Publishing’s recent Marvel Encyclopedia. At 2:10 PM I asked for, and got, a volunteer to go up to Artists’ Aerie and find the missing artists. Then, having conducted that year-long series of lectures, “1986: The Year That Changed Comics” at the Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art, I improvised a lecture about superhero comics in the 1980s on the spot. I also answered questions from the audience. One person wanted to know what I thought of Marvel’s Civil War, I denounced it, enumerating many of its faults, and a good portion of the audience applauded its approval, again to my surprise.

I succeeded in holding the audience’s attention until, finally, at 2:30 PM, my volunteer arrived with Walter Simonson, who explained that no one had told him that he was supposed to be doing a panel. I subsequently learned that this was not an unusual happenstance at this year’s New York Comic-Con, and, in fact, some panels had to be canceled because the panelists didn’t show up. Keep in mind that it’s not just that these comics pros weren’t told that they were scheduled to do panels; presumably, this means the Con organizers hadn’t even asked them if they would do these panels!

Walter Simonson is a brilliantly entertaining raconteur. I asked him only two questions, and he filled the remaining half hour by himself; all I had to do was sit back and enjoy. Without his realizing it, much of what Walter said confirmed what I had been telling the audience about the comics of the 1980s during the first half hour! In the 1980s Walter, Howard Chaykin, Frank Miller, and James Sherman worked together in a Manhattan studio under the name “the Upstarts.” Walter concluded his talk with a dynamite anecdote about how one day he went to a videogame arcade near the studio, racked up an extraordinarily high score, and turned around to see the other people in the arcade looking at him in awe. And that, I told the audience, concluding the panel, is an example of a real life superhero of the 1980s. Thanks again for coming to my rescue at the Con, Walter!

SATURDAY, FEB. 24, 3 PM

Then I headed next door to Room 1E12/13 for “Will Eisner’s THE SPIRIT Movie Spotlight.” Last summer at the San Diego Con I had to miss the panel previewing the forthcoming Spirit movie because I was doing signings at the same time. This time I wasn’t about to miss it.

It turned out to be an occasion for nostalgia. The moderator of the panel was Michael Uslan, one of the executive producers of the live action Batman movies, who was also one of the producers of the projected Spirit film. I recall that decades ago I saw Uslan speak at a comics convention in New York City, talking about his intent to make a Batman feature film. This movie, Uslan assured the audience, would treat the character seriously, and he cited as inspirations the Batman comics stories by Denny O’Neil and Neal Adams, and the six-parter in Detective Comics by Steve Englehart and Marshall Rogers (see “Comics in Context” #84). Many years later, there was Uslan’s name in the credits of Tim Burton’s 1989 Batman movie, an enduring classic that did so much to wipe the stigma of “camp” off Batman in the public imagination.

When I heard Uslan speak at that long-ago New York convention, I hoped that his dream of doing a serious Batman movie would come true, but I doubt that I felt certain that it would happen. In the case of The Spirit movie, I am confident that it will indeed come to pass.

After all, just look at the huge grosses piled up by Warner Brothers’ movie adaptation of the graphic novel 300 in its opening weekend: seventy million dollars, twice what the film industry had expected. In its March 12, 2007 article on 300‘s success (“Surprise! Spartans Assault Box Office”), The New York Times showed that, despite its major recent advances in appreciating comics, it still doesn’t entirely Get It. Reporter Michael Cieply wrote, “The movie defied the odds in that it had no star bigger than the Scottish actor Gerard Butler (The Phantom of the Opera), Mr. [Dan] Fellman [Warners’ president of theatrical distribution] said, it was made by the relatively untested director Zack Snyder (Dawn of the Dead), and it carried the added handicap of an R rating.”

The real “star” of 300 is Frank Miller, the writer and artist of the 300 graphic novel, whose popularity with moviegoers was “tested” and proved by the success of the Sin City movie, which was, like the 300 film, based in story and in visual design on his work in comics (see “Comics in Context” #78, 79, 83). And Miller is the director and writer of this Spirit movie in the works, about which I will say much more next week.

ADVERTISEMENTS FOR MYSELF
Prodded by yours truly, former Marvel comics writer Peter B. Gillis, who used to work on Captain America, has posted his reflections on the character’s apparent demise on his blog, under the title “The Assassination of Captain America as an Extreme Downhill Skateboard Race“. In the course of the piece you’ll see his brilliant analysis of the essence of Captain America as a character, which makes him different from other major superheroes. You’ll see some further observations by myself about Cap in the “Comments” section, as well, and I will have more to say on the subject in future installments of this column.

–Copyright 2007 Peter Sanderson

March 16, 2007

Scrubs Blog: My Stone Age

Filed under: Production Blogs,Quickcasts,Scrubs Blog,Video — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:43 am
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VIDEO BLOG #79: “My Stone Age” ““
Some on-set caveman shenanigans while filming a fantasy sequence from episode 6×13, “My Scrubs”…

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Download Scrubs Video Blog #79:

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