Tag: Stephen King

Howdy Interwebbers. I’m Matt Cohen, and I’m semi- consistent this week.

I hope you all got a chance to check out part one of this column (which can be found here) and are ready to jump right into the thinny and come out on the other side. So if you’ll kindly allow me to skip formalities, let’s get right into part 2 of the DARK TOWER fantasy casting session, this time taking a look at the characters from Roland’s past, featured in the fourth book in the series, THE WIZARD AND THE GLASS”…

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YOUNG ROLAND DESCHAIN = UNKNOWN (or with a time machine, River Phoenix)

I can’t do it. I’m sorry gang, I tried. I really did. But I can’t… Just can’t. I cannot think of a young actor to fill in the “early” shoes of Roland Deschain. Outside of the elder Roland casting, I really think this is one of the more important roles in the books (and thereby and adaptation of them). I am ashamed and sorry to say I have failed you all. But rather fail purposely then fail by mistake (or hubris). If River Phoenix was alive and 18 years old, I’d say lock it down now. But really, this is a great opportunity to find that next star, that next career that COULD be where River’s was undoubtedly heading. General casting, nationwide/worldwide search, kidnapping. Whatever. Young Roland is out there somewhere. Now we just gotta find him.

SUSANNAH DELGADO = AMBER HEARD

The woman who would steal Roland’s heart, and unintentionally set him on his true quest. I think any male fan can cop to being a little bit in love with the tragic Ms. Delgado, so in casting the role you would need, in my opinion, a young lady who possesses both the looks and charm to make so many men fall in love with her. And I, am hardcore in love with Amber Heard. You may have seen her as Seth Rogen’s high school aged girlfriend in PINEAPPLE EXPRESS, but if you want a real indication of her chops, which she does very much possess, check out the soon to be re-released ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE. There is a sadness to her performance in that film that makes me think she’d be able to carry Susanna, and not just looks wise. Also, I want to marry her and make like 14 babies.

CORTLAND “CORT” ANDRUS = TERRY O’QUINN

Roland’s teacher and first “enemy” Cort should be as wise as he is intimidating. Described as a bald man with a scar… Hmmm. I wonder. JOHN, M’FING LOCKE, that’s who. I’ve been a huge fan of Terry O’Quinn for years, going back to his work on MILLENNIUM, but he certainly put his stamp on the world with his portrayal of everyone favorite crazy old man on ABC’S (and J.J’s… hint hint) LOST. Though not the most physically impressive man in the world, one would only need to see a few minutes of John Locke to know that his eyes can at the same time be soul piercingly frightening, and yet as warm and friendly (and wise) as could be. Also, I want to see him kick some mini gunslinger ass, if you will Sai’.

CUTHBERT ALLGOOD = EMILE HIRSCH/ALAIN JOHNS = JAMIE BELL/JAMIE De CURRIE = DOMINIC MONAGHAN

Why these three actors for these three characters, you may be asking yourself. Well, yourself, here’s my answer. I am cheating. To tell truths, Bert, Alain and Jamie get sort of muddled in my memory, making it hard to really differentiate the personalities of the respective young men. I always remember the important stuff, though. Brave, strong, and would die for Roland. For this reason I chose these three young men, who I think are at the top of their games. Though drastically different in style (less so in look), I think casting these guys would create a fantastic onscreen support system for whoever gets ultimately cast as young Roland. A star in each of their own rights, who would lend untold depth and, in terms of box office appeal, tremendous draw to the series – more specifically to the part of the series that may seem “slow” or “boring” when compared to the tales of Roland’s current Ka-Tet.

RHEA OF THE COOS = HELENA BONHAM CARTER

Imagine the most disgusting, decrepit hag of a witch that you’ve seen in movies, and then multiply that by 10. You have Rhea of the Coos. Impossible to age, impossible to resist (for some), Rhea is King’s most stereotypical “baddie” and yet one of his most effective. Basically, you need to cast the witch to end all witches. And I really can’t think of a woman who can play scary as well as Carter can. Yes, she’s played similar roles before, but never anything THIS outwardly dark and evil. For a woman who seems to pride herself on her range and ability to be more then a pretty face, this role would certainly appeal to her sensibilities. As long as she can promise her husband won’t get involved, I say this is damn near perfect casting (If i do say so myself… which I just did).

ROY DEPAPE = BRAD DOURIF

Eldred Jonas’ right hand man and quite arguably the most “unhinged” of the Big Coffin Hunters. Roy, unlike his handsome friend Clay, is all about two things… Following Jonas’s every order, and causing massive amounts of pain along the way. Now, this character can be read as a young man, as I read Clay, but I also think that an older casting choice would add a dynamic to the strange, almost bully-bullied relationship of Roy and Eldred that, though glossed over in the book, would flesh out these men’s respective backstories very nicely. On that trend, I’d go with old faithful, Brad Dourif. One of the creepiest and yet fantastic character actors I can think of. Imagine the role as a cross between his “baddie” work and his gig on DEADWOOD as a lovable country doctor (STAR TREK, what up!). For my money there’s not many who can play “crazy” like Mr. Dourif can.

CLAY REYNOLDS = BEN FOSTER

The ladykiller of the Big Coffin Hunters (mankiller, too… believe me Sai’). Smarter, better looking then Roy, but with ambitions that make him less trustworthy an associate. I’d go with a younger actor, to widen the gap between Roy and Clay even more. This has to be a man who appears smart, friendly, even downright likable – but when one’s back is turned will gladly stick the knife in. Foster, in his burgeoning career, has played a nice range of roles, showing that he can handle drastically different material. The movie to watch for a sample of what I see in this young man is 3:10 TO YUMA, in which he pretty much plays a sociopathic version of Clay.

SHEEMIE RUIZ = UNKNOWN

Sheemie is an extremely difficult casting choice, possibly the toughest in the series. How can you portray a mentally handicapped individual without appearing offensive or “jokey”. It often doesn’t work in films and, personally, an over the top mentally handicapped portrayal immediately takes me out of the film. So a character as important and loved as Sheemie deserves to be shown with the full grace and truth that King intended. I really think the only way to go with this is to do a open casting call for mentally challenged actors. It would also give a young man a chance to perform at a level they most likely never thought possible due to limitations. I think this is the way to do it.

CORAL THORIN = PATRICIA CLARKSON

Ah, the Thorins. There aren’t many families in fiction that I loathe more then these two out of Mejis. And though the Mayor is repugnant to the max, his sister can be said to be the true evil sibling. Manipulative, cunning, heartless, Coral Thorin is very much the Flagg character during the prequel portion of the series, and though this woman doesn’t strike me as anything as warm and genuine in real life, I really can see her “baddy’ing” out.  Anyone unfamiliar with Ms. Clarkson’s work only need see a few films she is in, in particular her performance in THE STATION AGENT. Also, lady can ROCK a southern accent, which in my head is the only way I have ever heard Coral. She may not be as old or ugly as written, but hey, we live in the age of BENJAMIN BUTTON. I think she’ll be fine.

HART THORIN = DENNIS HOPPER

Creepy, old, and perverted.  And he was in SPEED. I jest, but honestly, this to me is a no-brainer. Though he’s fallen into TV commercial territory lately, there are not many actors who just ooze the vibe that Hopper does, and has been doing for years. If I saw this man on the street, I’d cross the other way. A tad campy, but that would work for the visciously over the top Hart, who only want’s to “Get to know” the alluring Ms. Delgado a bit better. Now he wouldn’t need to go to Frank in BLUE VELVET levels, but if handled (read: directed) right, I think ole’ Dennis could legitimize himself yet again.

STEVEN DESCHAIN = JAMES BROLIN

Who could play the father of Roland? How ’bout… the father of the actor who plays Roland? History is full of father-son acting teams, but rarely are we given the chance to see two generations of the same “theater” family work together. How about we seize the opportunity, and at the same time throw some work to a dude who has fallen out of the game as of late, but still very much exudes “Badass movie star” with every ounce of his being? A bit older, a bit grayer then he may have been years ago, but looking now more then ever like a man who really could control a kingdom. I don’t extensively know the senior Brolin’s work, but just looking at a recent picture convinces me that this guy could really bring something, at least physically, to his role.

GABRIELLE DESCHAIN = MARY McDONNELL

Laura M’Fing Roslin yo. While Gabrielle is beautiful, there is an intangible sadness about her, almost as if she already knew the dastardly deeds Marten would coerce her into committing. In casting this role, I would go for someone who can carry that sense of grace and power, and yet an overwhelming sense of despair. Mary McDonnell has been doing it for years, in both forms. Pride/power (BATTLESTAR GALACTICA) and a crazy level of low (DONNIE DARKO). McDonnell would be visually stunning, but also age appropriate and a good match, I feel, for the choices of Brolin and Henricksen as Steven and Marten, respectively. And at the end of the day… It’s Roslin. So say we all. At least I do.

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Tis’ all for this week, my friends and neigbors, but you know what? I’m digging this Tower talk so much, let’s stretch this bad boy out to one more column. Cover ALL the characters (and anyone I forgot) in the saga (or at least as many as I think are “important”). So please, check back next week for the conclusion (I promise this time) of “The Road To Gilead”.

Until then,

“Long Days and Pleasant Nights”…

(Oh, and keep em’ Bagged and Boarded!)

–Matt Cohen is currently dressing his dog Hellmutt up like a billy-bumbler

Twitter, YouTube

Howdy Inter-Webbers, I’m Matt Cohen and I’m gonna pretend that I haven’t been away for a while. Or, I’ll lie about it.

Yeah, the second one.

Let’s try that again…

Howdy Inter-Webbers, I’m Matt Cohen and I’m finally back from the Arctic. It was cold, kinda boring, but surprisingly good bagels.

Let’s skip through all the pleasantries and get to a subject near and dear to my heart – Stephen King’s THE DARK TOWER series. Since around the age of 11 I have been obsessed with these books, the characters, and the worlds they inhabit.  Like every other good Tower geek, I have dreamed about the day when the books would be adapted to a more visual format. Well, in Peter David’s comic series for Marvel, we got just that. A new, fresh blast of life has been pumped into an honored but very (and purposefully so) dead series. I assumed once I finished the final book, that Roland and his Ka-Tet would no longer grace the world in new mediums. Thankfully, I was wrong. Along with the comic book which is now in it’s second series, writer, director, producer and Hollywood “It” guy J.J Abrams has announced the acquiring of the rights to adapt the book to film (or television… only time will tell). With this sudden and, quite frankly, awesome news I thought it would be fun to pretend I had the job of casting the films, bringing my cherished childhood  (and beyond) memories to life.

So, without further ado (or adont), I present my dream cast choices for the DARK TOWER films (or television series… Again, J.J’s all about the vagueness).

Also, if you haven’t read the books, do it… Now. Turn off your computer, go to a bookstore or library, and do it.

SPOILER ZONE BELOW, Thankee Sai.

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ROLAND DESCHAIN = JOSH BROLIN

The main man. The last son of Gilead. The last of the Gunslingers. One of the single most iconic and, quite frankly, fantastic characters in the realm of fiction. This is the big one. Cast this wrong, and the whole project falls apart. Roland has been one of the hottest “characters” that actors like to attach themselves to for years, and I’m sure a war is ensuing right now in the talent agencies of Hollywood. I’ve heard Bale, I’ve heard Jackman, and while they both and many others would LOOK like Roland, I think Josh Brolin would bring the sense of solemn pride and years and years worth of pain that Roland carries with every step of his weary feet. Look at his work in NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN as a sort of model for how Roland’s tone and demeanor should be. Lots of thoughts going on, but you can’t read it in his face. And maybe that’s what it comes down to. That blank, reading your soul type poker face that Brolin can rock so perfectly. Also, I tend to think Roland is closer in age to 50 then 40, so Brolin would work perfectly in that respect, as well. And, on a nitpicking note, though Bale and Wolvie can do a convincing American accent, there’s no substitute for the real thing. Anyone who doesn’t see this should just wait for JONAH HEX which is almost a Roland audition in my mind.

Runner Up: Viggo Mortensen – Would make a fine Roland if not a little to pretty, but I do think our collective memories of Aragorn cloud our judgement a bit.

EDDIE DEAN = JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT

The second member of the Palaver and our first link as readers to our own world, worthless, weak, addicted Eddie – in the course of 6 books – goes from helpless junkie to a hero only rivaled by Roland himself. Eddie is 23, a NYC native, and badly addicted to heroin when we meet him, so casting wise I think I would go for a guy who can play both “junkie” and “heartthrob” to carry the entire arc believably. If you haven’t caught this young man’s work since 3’RD ROCK FROM THE SUN, you may be a bit puzzled right now. If you caught flicks such as the phenomenal BRICK, then you would know that Levitt is obviously one of the finest young actors working today, and could easily pull off the pathos needed for Eddie. And I know we’ve never really seen what Eddie is supposed to look like, but in my mind, this is pretty much it.

Runner Up: Shia Lebouf – I do genuinely see the appeal in Shia and think he will have a long and great career, but this may be a bit too “hard” for his current sensibilities.

ODETTA HOLMES/DETTA WALKER = GINA TORRES

The trickiest bit of casting in my opinion. This actress would have to portray three distinct characters, different ages, and DRASTICALLY divergent personalities. My one exposure to Torres was her work on FIREFLY and SERENITY, but anyone who’s seen her act know that she plays a strong female character, to say the least. You would need to capture the fire of Detta, the wisdom of Odetta,  and the beauty and love of Susannah. I think Ms. Torres is definitely able to meet the challenge. Also, we know for sure that she can handle a weapon.

Runner Up: Zoe Saldana – I haven’t seen STAR TREK yet so my only experience with her is her bit parts in the PIRATES movies, but man, is she gorgeous… Yeah, that’s all I got.

JAKE CHAMBERS = DAEG FAERCH

A cry of “who? rings out across the internet. If anyone saw Rob Zombie’s mediocre HALLOWEEN reboot, they may remember the one entertaining aspect of the film – the kid who played young Michael Myers. I really dig this kid’s look, which is far from your conventional “pretty boy” child actors. Rather, Daeg looks like an actual kid, something I think would tremendously boost our attachment to the tragic and tragically wonderful character of Roland’s “adopted” son, Jake Chambers. Now, we don’t know if this kid quite has the chops, but the look works and he’s age appropriate. I say give him a shot. Also, because I refuse to cast Freddy Highmore in literally every single role meant for a male between the ages of 9 and 15.

Runner Up: Unknown general casting call…

MARTEN/WALTER/RANDALL FLAGG = LANCE HENRIKSEN

The baddie to end all baddies. Stephen King’s version of the devil, or if not the devil himself, certainly his main trickster demon. Randall Flagg, or some derivation of him, has appeared in too many Stephen King books to count. Most notably THE STAND, but certainly at the forefront of the Tower series as well. I mean, it all started when the man in black fled across the desert… so we would need an actor who can give off a sense of pure evil while at the same time a strange charm. Someone who could be ageless and just “reborn” all at once. Basically, a badass mo’fo. And if you know me, theres only one man who that could be – Lance…. Henriksen. Yes, that Lance Henriksen. The man who gave us Bishop, Frank Black, and Ed Harley. One of the coolest, most iconic, but sadly underused and overlooked actors alive today. THIS would be the role to define his career. A chance to channel all that swagger and mystery into a character finally worthy of his talents, rather then whatever sci-fi channel movie of the week he’s done recently. Look at those eyes – shark eyes… doll’s eyes…

Flagg’s eyes.

Runner Up: None needed. This is the role he was born to play.

PERE CALLAHAN = BRENDAN GLEESON

One of the fan’s favorite characters, the priest we knew and loved in SALEM’S LOT returns from apparent death to save and join Roland’s Ka-Tet and to play a bigger role in the sage than anyone could have foreseen. Lovable, noble, trustworthy. A stand up guy. And for as long as I’ve been a fan of the man’s work, I get that exact vibe off of the fantastic Brendan Gleeson. Though he may not look like the traditional image of Callhan, this man’s range is so wide and varied that he’d have no problem stepping into the vamp hunting priest’s shoes. His casting would add an air of “esteem” to the project as well, because it’s only a matter of time that critics and award voters recognize him as one of the greatest actors of his generation.

Runner Up: James Cromwell – Because I like crappy Stephen King TV miniseries. If it wasn’t TOO broke, I guess don’t fix it.

CRIMSON KING = DOUG JONES

The Pale Man. The Fawn. The Angel of Death. Abe Sapien. Silver Surfer. ______ Hobbit Role. The modern king of creature performances. And the Crimson King is about as far from a human as you can get. This, my friends, is what they call a no-brainer (cue PLANET TERROR reference)

Runner Up: Zach Efron – He creeps me out. In the sense that I think he wants to murder me and do terrible things to my soul. A la the Crimson King

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Now, the remainder of the characters, though “secondary”, are extremely important and cherished to Tower fans like myself, and I’ll be back next week for part 2 of this column, with a look at who I would cast to fill out the rest of the DARK TOWER universe. So please, if you enjoyed this little venture, check back next week for the conclusion. All of your friends are doing it… PEER PRESSURE!!!!

And, as always, please give a listen to BAGGED & BOARDED w/ Matt and Jesse and MEWESCAST, exclusively here at QUICK STOP ENTERTAINMENT.

Until next time friends,

“Long days and pleasant nights”

–“MATT COHEN is currently dancing the Commala!”

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