Tag: tv listings

  • TV Or Not TV: American Idol-ing

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    I realized today that in the nearly three years that I have been writing TV Or Not TV I have never sat down and given my thoughts on the performances of the American Idol contestants. I am in no way a music critic so instead of trying to decipher the talents of these contestants I thought it might be interesting to just jot down some notes on each of the performances and see what happens. 

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    Jacob:  I just can’t stand the way he sings. Spent the entire performance cringing. My wife says he has a Luther sound but he just sounds like a gospel choir performer trying to step out of the crowd into the spotlight and I still don’t get how he’s still here. 

    Haley: Really channeled Janice Joplin on stage. Backup singers were too loud in the mix. Who is responsible for mixing the audio?The band/backup is always out of whack.

    Casey: Tapped into his inner Fogerty in a way I didn’t expect. Could record a CCR cover album and go platinum right now. 

    Lauren: Her performance was solid but safe. This isn’t the part of the competition where solid and safe is enough. Especially when you’ve got Pia to compete with. 

    James: There are performances that in their subtlety tell a greater story than an over the top power anthem. James has usually done the latter but his control and emotion tonight showed he is a true performer and not just a one trick pony. 

    Scotty: As a long time Elvis fan I thought that Scotty’s performance was great. I had my doubts that he would make it very far in this competition and he has dispelled every one of them as he effortlessly moves through each genre. 

    Pia: Yes she’s a talent. She’s a contender and another Pia performance knocked it out of the park. My biggest complaint is that it was another Pia performance. Eventually if every performance is the same, even when great, they can seem commonplace. 

    Stefano: Usually his performances grate on my nerves but tonight was his best performance. It’s just too bad he is a performer that is surrounded with many other greater performers. 

    Paul: I don’t understand how Paul has made it this far in the competition since his performances always seem lacking compared to most of the other contestants. Now that we are down to the final nine he better hope his charm with the ladies is enough to get him the votes he needs to stay after this week. 

    In case no one was able to pick up on Randy’s subtleties apparently every contestant is “in it to win it.” So glad to know that these kids actually entered a contest with the intention of competing. 

    So now that my note taking exercise is done the real question is who will be going Thursday night? The bottom three should be Lauren, Stefano and Paul because their performances just aren’t as strong as the other contestants. If performances were the only concern in the voting these would be the bottom three. There is no way to accurately predict the voting habits of the American teenager however so I just don’t know how things will really shake out. 

    Here’s what else is out there for tonight’s TV viewing.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: It’s the AMERICAN IDOL results show where anything literally can happen. Between CASEY nearly collapsing on stage and an appearance by HULK HOGAN its pretty clear that there’s a big bowl of random they just keep making stuff happen from.

    SLEUTH – 8:00 PM: The only reason I can imagine why SEMI-PRO is on the SLEUTH network is because of the mystery surrounding why this film was ever made.

    NBC – 8:30 PM: A new episode of PERFECT COUPLES is tucked away nice and snug in a night surrounded by repeats on NBC. I bring it up because KYLE BORNHEIMER could read the phone book and make me laugh.

    SYFY – 9:00 PM: If you never caught the show TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES but always meant to watch it than you are in luck if you tune in to SYFY tonight. The pilot and subsequent ep air back-to-back. The only bad thing is that newcomers may be confused if they watch TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF THE MACHINES which airs prior to the pilot.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: BRENNAN has to work with a forensic podiatrist to match up dismembered feet with their bodies on tonight’s BONES. I’ve worked for 30 minutes trying to come up with a joke like something about having two left feet to no avail. I should have just waited for the other shoe to drop (BAM! Came up with one.)

    FX – 10:00 PM: ARCHER is on. Do I really need to say more than that?

  • TV Or Not TV: 3/14 – 3/20

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    It’s been quite a few years and even though I’ve had a lot of time invested in it I’m just not sure that I want to continue my relationship with THE OFFICE.

    As many of you have heard by now STEVE CARELL is leaving the hit show to pursue whatever it is that he is going to pursue. In many ways I think knowing this information ahead of time has really gotten in my way of trying to passively watch a show that is meant to be passively watched. I spend my time watching plot details unfold and start over-analyzing what is going on. I start to look for the under-current being set-up for the upcoming departure and I begin paying too much attention. THE OFFICE wasn’t meant to be analyzed. It’s mental chewing gum, not Shakespeare.

    First and foremost THE OFFICE is a situation comedy. It isn’t meant to be scholarly, it isn’t going to be intellectual. A good sitcom is meant to distract and entertain and allow me to sit there mindlessly taking in the entertainment. This has been taken away from me as I’ve noticed a change in the dynamic of the show this season. When I watch the show I get the impression that we’re seeing far less of MICHAEL SCOTT and a lot more of the other people in THE OFFICE. This shouldn’t be a big deal however it is something that feels contradictory to the formula I’ve grown accustomed to. I’m used to an absurd MICHAEL SCOTT main plot and an office worker sub-plot playing out. This season I’ve felt that dynamic has been flipped and it really takes me out of the moment.

    With CARELL’s departure I’ve also been analyzing the show in too deep a fashion trying to see if the writing had any foreshadowing of the reason behind MICHAEL SCOTT’s departure. I know this is a silly type of thinking since this show isn’t written by the team from LOST or by JOSS WHEDON, but the fact that the guy is leaving means that they would have to come up with the scenario why he was going. There wasn’t anything that was obvious in the early episodes but in my opinion the writing has been on the wall since they re-introduced MICHAEL’s former and now once again burning flame HR specialist HOLLY. I now wouldn’t be surprised in the least if the reason why MICHAEL were to leave was to follow HOLLY wherever she was going. I also really hope that this is the reason why MICHAEL SCOTT leaves THE OFFICE because the romantic in me is always rooting for true love.

    About mid-way through this television season I discovered that CARELL’s departure wasn’t going to come at the end of the season but would come near the end. There’s going to be a few awkward week’s of people filling in for the departed office manager. I know I’m going to stick around to at least say good-bye to MICHAEL but the weakness in the last few episodes make me wonder if the magic isn’t already gone from this long running show and after MICHAEL SCOTT is gone we will have seen the man behind the curtain and all of the magic will be gone for us from the all-powerful Oz.

    Now that I’ve said my piece on THE OFFICE let’s see what else is on tap for the week ending in my 40th birthday, shall we?

    MONDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: Those into THE BACHELOR finally get to see if BRAD actually chooses a girl this time.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Hello ladies. Try to enjoy ISAIAH MUSTAFA tonight on CHUCK as he starts as the super spy your man could smell like.

    FX – 8:00 PM: Part of me is a little embarrassed to admit that I really liked the TINA FEY movie BABY MAMA.

    TUESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: It’s finally time for sectionals on GLEE and the show ventures into unknown territory as they perform original music. The cynic in me thinks this is an attempt at them not having to pay royalties out the nose for the inevitable soundtrack.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: The teams on THE BIGGEST LOSER get merged and they compete to see who can make the lowest calorie meal in 30 minutes. This one screams CURTIS STONE appearance.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: It’s the season (series?) finale for V tonight as ANNA tries to trick out her daughter to TYLER. Those space lizards really know about good parenting.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: Everyone gets down to writing out their will’s and JIMMY has the difficult choice of bestowing guardianship of hope in his absence on RAISING HOPE.

    WEDNESDAY

    ABC FAMILY – 7:00 PM: Please, no one tell my daughter that there’s an airing of BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA followed by BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA 2 tonight or I guarantee that’s all I’ll be watching. Really, there’s money involved if you don’t let this one out.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: It just feels hollow and empty on SURVIVOR: REDEMPTION ISLAND now that RUSSELL is out of the game.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: I know you don’t need this column to tell you that there’s a new AMERICAN IDOL on tonight so instead let me warn you that it’s two hours of listening to half-talents scream sing with a few stars shining in the mix.

    ABC – 8:30 PM: I can’t put my finger on what exactly it is that I’ve been enjoying about MR. SUNSHINE but it has at least made me not miss COUGAR TOWN so I guess that’s saying something for it, right?

    THURSDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: THE BLACK EYED PEAS continue their “We’re appearing on every show” tour as they perform on tonight’s elimination episode of AMERICAN IDOL.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: There’s a baby shower for SHIRLEY tonight on COMMUNITY and I’m sure CHANG won’t do anything to make it uncomfortable. Also the entire NBC lineup tonight is new except for THE OFFICE so now we’ve got that out of the way.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: Tonight on BONES there’s a blizzard, a blackout and a viral outbreak. Is the guest star tonight the four horsemen of the apocalypse?

    BRAVO – 9:00 PM: KATHY GRIFFIN returns to BRAVO with a new stand-up special 50 & NOT PREGNANT. Catch it now because her stuff is topical so you’ll want to get it while its fresh.

    FRIDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: Tonight is the series finale of SUPERNANNY to which I have to say, “This show was still on the air?”

    BRAVO – 8:00 PM: Did you miss last night’s airing of KATHY GRIFFIN: 50 & NOT PREGNANT? Here’s a second chance at it.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: If you’ve been wondering where exactly this universe’s LINCOLN LEE is than you have to look no further than this week’s FRINGE to find out. I can’t wait to see how they explain that OLIVIA doesn’t recognize him.

    SATURDAY

    TNT – 8:00 PM: If you haven’t seen the KILL BILL saga then TNT is giving you a chance to see both volumes back-to-back. I’m not sure if this will be a TV edit of it but if so I hope the watered down version is as entertaining as the uncut.

    SCIENCE – 10:00 PM: Repeat or not I just can’t get enough of AN IDIOT ABROAD.

    BBCA – 9:00 PM: Even though all of this third season has been good, tonight’s episode of BEING HUMAN is by far one of the most compelling. The return of HERRICK was nothing that I expected and what transpires is just engulfing. I don’t think I blinked the entire time.

    NBC – 11:30 PM: I’ve tried so very hard to forget this episode of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE hosted by JEFF BRIDGES. Why oh why did they have to bring it back?

    SUNDAY

    FX – 8:00 PM: Following up an airing of IRON MAN with X-MEN: THE LAST STAND is like following up a thing of beauty with X-MEN: THE LAST STAND.

    HBO – 9:00 PM: After five seasons we finally see what the future holds for the HENRICKSON‘s as the BIG LOVE series finale happens tonight.

    A&E – 10:30 PM: Let me tell you something Fish, if you’ve been missing your T-BAG fix than you won’t want to miss this week’s episode of BREAKOUT KINGS since the con that’s gone is none other than Theodore Bagwell of PRISON BREAK fame. Now just take a hold of my pocket…


  • TV Or Not TV: 1/31 – 2/6

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    Usually when I sit down to write this column on a Sunday (yes, it is published Monday so heaven forbid I actually do something in advance) I’m sometimes left wondering exactly what to write about it. Thanks to an outstanding episode of SATURDAY NIGHT LIFE this past Saturday night I am thankful to the TV spirits because after watching it from the DVR this Sunday morning I have a column that I’m pretty sure will write itself.

    I was looking forward to this past week’s SNL because it was being hosted by Jesse Eisenberg. I admit I was looking forward to Eisenberg himself but I was also looking forward to the fact that an actor was hosting that wouldn’t get in the way of the writers and might bring some positive feedback to the writing process. Eisenberg seems to be the type of actor that comes off as a simple, if not somewhat neurotic, talent that more than likely wouldn’t intimidate the writing staff. The past three installments of the show (Jeff Bridges, Jim Carrey and Gwyneth Paltrow) have been extremely hit or miss (Carrey a complete miss for me and Bridges came off as almost disconnected in a “Why am I doing this?” performance) but I found myself extremely entertained by nearly every skit that Eisenberg was in. The best of the skits, which you probably won’t find on-line thanks to music rights issues, was the DON’T FORGET THE LYRICS skit which literally brought me to my knees with laughter (I was standing in the kitchen making breakfast for the family at the time). I highly suggest anyone who wants a good laugh to find even the poorest of YouTube rips of this skit before NBC forces them to be taken down.

    The item that naturally is getting all of the big headlines is the fact that FACEBOOK creator Mark Zuckerberg, who EISENBERG has received an Oscar nod for portraying in THE SOCIAL NETWORK, actually dropped in to the opening monologue. This was not only an outstanding surprise for us the audience but it also broke us out of the typical and almost predictable type opening monologue that we’ve been handed lately. This was a great move for Zuckerberg since it helps to show the public that he isn’t the character portrayed in THE SOCIAL NETWORK and he actually has a sense of humor about the whole thing. Regardless of the motivation it really helped to make the monologue enjoyable. The only thing I wish was that his presence at the close of the show hadn’t been so awkward.

    If you didn’t see the opening I’m referring to the good folks over at HULU make it really easy for you to take almost all of the show in (with the exception of that stellar DON’T FORGET THE LYRICS skit).

    Now let’s set my Eisenberg adoration aside and get down to the real nitty-gritty of this week’s TV offerings!

    MONDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Tonight’s episode of CHUCK was originally intended as a season ender before NBC came through with a full season pickup. Everything has been building up to this point so if you’re a CHUCK fan I don’t even need to tell you to be watching this tonight.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: Tonight on THE BACHELOR they head to Vegas because that’s just the type of place you go to find true love.

    CBS – 9:00 PM: CBS continues the SHEEN stalling with a repeat of TWO AND A HALF MEN.

    SYFY – 9:00 PM: There was enough in the first two episodes of BEING HUMAN to get me check it out one more week.

    TUESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Another GLEE-peat tonight reminds us just how this show put the HORROR back into ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. Seriously, this was bad.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: All of the contestants are reunited on the ranch on tonight’s episode of THE BIGGEST LOSER. No more anonymity and I’m sure game play will come out hardcore.

    FX – 8:00 PM: What does it say about the night when I view one of the best options on TV is a cable-edited version of STEP BROTHERS?

    LIFETIME – 10:00 PM: Want to know what things are really like in a maternity ward? See the blessed moment and some of the embarrassing ones on ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE.

    WEDNESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Please forgive me for the following admission: I’m really enjoying STEVEN TYLER on AMERICAN IDOL.

    FX – 8:00 PM: OK, really, where’s all the new TV? I’m looking at a cable cut of TROPIC THUNDER and thinking it sounds like a good idea tonight.

    A&E – 9:00 PM: After seven seasons even DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER resorts to a clip show as they look back at their most memorable catches.

    ABC – 9:30 PM: COUGAR TOWN is the only new sitcom in ABC’s comedy Wednesday line up. See what I’m saying?

    THURSDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: I really want to recommend tonight’s episode of COMMUNITY because I love the show but I just haven’t been feeling it for the least two episodes. Will tonight pull it out?

    ABC – 8:00 PM: Why do I like WIPEOUT? Show titles like HOCKEY PUCKS AND BIEBER FEVER.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: Tonight on BONES the body that’s found is dressed as a scarecrow in a cornfield. This simple idea terrified me as a child.

    FRIDAY

    THE CW – 8:00 PM: SMALLVILLE finally returns after it had a week delay at the hand of the most nasty of villains: network executives.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: The family tree docuseries WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? returns as we once again get treated to seeing why the famous even have ancestors cooler than we were.

    CBS – 9:00 PM: Ever wonder what the top ten of the SUPER BOWL’S GREATEST COMMERCIALS would be if people voted? Tonight you get your answer.

    ABC – 10:00 PM: BARBRA “buzz kill” WALTERS comes out with another special tonight titled A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH where she interviews celebrities and their brushes with death. What an uplifting way to end my work week.

    SATURDAY

    BBC AMERICA – 11:00 AM: TOP GEAR all day. Again I say TOP GEAR all day. That is all.

    SCIENCE CHANNEL – 8:00 PM: There is nothing greater than KARL PINKERTON in AN IDIOT ABROAD. If you haven’t seen this than you are in for a treat because it’s three episodes airing back-to-back-to-back.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: For a while I was worried that SHREK THE THIRD would be just a lackluster final installment in the SHREK series. Thankfully it wasn’t.

    NBC – 11:30 PM: No you aren’t having a flashback to the 90’s, DANA CARVEY is hosting SNL tonight.

    SUNDAY

    FOX – 6:00 PM E / 3:00 PM P: I can’t wait to watch it all and talk about the greatest moments of SUPER BOWL XLV. You know that I’m talking about the commercials. There has to be at least one stand out one this year, right?

    ANIMAL PLANET – 6:00 PM E / 3:00 PM P: Don’t know what to do with your infant during the big game? Use that other TV to put on the PUPPY BOWL. Maybe you can even put it on in a picture-in-picture window.

    FOX – 10:30 PM E / 7:30 PM P: It’s the super big post-game GLEE. Yeah, they put GLEE on after the SUPER BOWL. This programming makes just a bit more sense than trying to sell wrestling to the Oprah Network.

  • TV Or Not TV: 1/18 – 1/23

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    Now that I have seen two episodes of the Showtime original series EPISODES I have to say that I can’t wait to see the other five episodes of EPISODES.

    The premise of the show is very simple and, even though I’ve never been in the actual television business, I’m sure it is also very real in many ways. The highly persuasive and extremely over-complimentary network president MERC LEPIDUS (John Pankow) approaches SEAN and BEVERLY LINCOLN (Stephen Mangan and Tamsin Greig) right after their show LYMAN’S BOYS has dominated the BAFTA Awards. He has to have their show and he promises they’ll have to do very little work to make the show more accessible to the American audience for lots and lots of money. SEAN is seduced at the idea and he convinces BEVERLY it would be great for their careers.

    The very first episode is about establishing the situation that the rest of the season will be playing from. Time is needed to both set up the situation as well as let us get a glimpse of the absurdity that is to come. In a clever way to hook us in to wanting to see this story to completion our first few moments of the episode are spent in the present where we are shown how the experience of trying to adapt LYAMAN’S BOYS for the US has torn SEAN and BEVERLY apart. After these scenes play out we are told “Seven weeks earlier…” and our story cuts to the aforementioned BAFTA awards.

    I don’t want to go into how quickly this dream gig that the LINCOLN’s think they have begins to spiral out of control. I really think it would do the show an injustice to try to describe them as they are much better experienced rather than discussed. I do have to note, however, that one bit of subtle comedy that I love is provided by MYRA (Daisy Haggard) who is the Head of Comedy Development for MERC’s network. MYRA has the same awkward scowling smile on her face, one that makes it appear that she is being attacked on the inside by her own sinuses, and it is present in every scene that she is in. Her face was so twisted by this pained look that I almost didn’t recognize Haggard from her appearance in this last season’s THE LODGER episode of DOCTOR WHO (my only exposure to her being this side of the pond).

    One of the reasons that EPISODES is getting alot of press is because it is the return of Matt LeBlanc to television since his FRIENDS spin-off JOEY went off the air. LeBlanc plays MATT LEBLANC, a fictional version of himself. In the first episode we only see him for a few moments and by episode’s end we find out how he will be seen further in the show. LEBLANC’s performance in EPISODES for me is quite the highlight since he plays this fictional version of himself with a level of sincerity I wasn’t expecting that he blows up within moments of expressing. With the content of the show this proves a level of humility that LEBLANC must have as some parts of the show are not kind to him. LeBlanc proves however that he’s not Joey, he’s just an actor looking to work which is something he does very well in EPISODES.

    As I’ve eluded to before EPISODES only has a seven episode run on SHOWTIME on Sundays at 9:30 PM. Be sure to catch it while you can.

    Now let’s see what is available this week for our viewing pleasure.

    TUESDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Tonight on THE BIGGEST LOSER the unknown trainers are revealed even though clever Netizens have already figured out who they are.

    THE CW – 8:00 PM: It’s the final few episodes of LIFE UNEXPECTED in a two hour send-off far too soon for this show.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: JIM worries he may have to reveal his secret when the police station is taken hostage on NO ORDINARY FAMILY. A DIE HARD style plot already?

    NBC – 10:00 PM: SARAH freaks out over the gift-paper sales target DREW has to hit on PARENTHOOD. If she thinks that is bad she’d collapse under GIRL SCOUT COOKIE pressure.

    WEDNESDAY

    DISCOVERY – 7:00 PM: The MYTHBUSTERS SUPERSIZED SPECIAL is so huge it had to be moved to an hour before prime time!

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Yes, it was unavoidable… the beast that is AMERICAN IDOL is back with a cast face lift. J-LO joins RANDY JACKSON, I don’t know who the other new chick is. Oh, sorry, that’s STEVEN TYLER? His face and the GOLDEN GLOBES are all the evidence you need to know plastic surgery is bad, mmmkay?

    ABC – 9:00 PM: CLAIRE and PHIL are caught… um… well, the kids try to surprise them with breakfast in bed on tonight’s MODERN FAMILY. ’nuff said?

    NBC – 9:00 PM: Tonight on CHASE… oh who am I kidding? No one’s watching this.

    THURSDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: More auditions and more of me not giving a $#it on AMERICAN IDOL.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Tonight we get to see SHIRLEY’s ex-husband on COMMUNITY and it turns out it was THEO HUXTABLE! (Malcolm Jamal-Warner guests in case you didn’t get what I did there.)

    ABC – 8:00 PM: Tonight’s installment of WIPEOUT is titled DON’T FEAR THE BEAVER. I don’t know what it means but I’m still giggling.

    NBC – 9:30 PM: The good: PARKS & RECREATION is back which means a whole new season of RON “F’ing” SWANSON. The bad? 30 ROCK gets bumped to 10:00 PM.

    FRIDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: Tonight contains the last dream that the fictional ALLISON DUBOIS dreams on MEDIUM.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: Will FRINGE fly or falter on Friday night? We may find out tonight as CHRISTOPHER LLOYD guests. Maybe if it doesn’t work out he can help them get BACK to the THURSDAY. It’s really not a good thing that this first episode is titled FIREFLY.

    SATURDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Miss the return of CHUCK on Monday night? Nothing better to do? Here you go.

    ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: Strangest double feature of the night: MEAN GIRLS followed by ENCHANTED.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: Want to know how bad the choices are for viewing tonight? I’m seriously considering the network edited copy of BLADES OF GLORY for viewing.

    SUNDAY

    NFC and AFC championsips pretty much have the networks throwing in the towel. Here’s what little I could scrape up.

    SYFY – 6:30 PM: TOTAL RECALL? Get your ass to Mars!

    SHO – 8:00 PM: Want to get caught up on the aforementioned EPISODES? You can see the second episode of EPISODES at 8:00 before the new episode at 9:30.

    FOX – 8:30 PM: I just realized that I have yet to watch BOB’S BURGERS. Whooops.

  • TV Or Not TV: 1/10 – 1/16

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    Welcome to another week of TV Or Not TV where I really wanted to like THE CAPE and SNL.

    After finally having the opportunity to watch THE CAPE I can see where the creators of the show wanted to go with it, but I think they may have fallen victim to executive involvement. The first hour of the two-hour premiere would be what most would refer to as the origin story. We get to see how the character of VINCE FARADAY evolves into THE CAPE. We get to see where he gets his training and his titular cape. We get to see how he gets teamed up with the blogger ORWELL and we see where his motivation to become a super hero comes from. The problem is this was just too much to cram into the forty-four minutes that the show had. The pilot came off as rushed and in some regards forced, which unfortunately gives it somewhat of an amateurish feel.

    There used to be a time when a show that would require the scope that THE CAPE needed in its premiere would be given a full two hours (1.5 hours actual) to flesh out its concept in almost a TV movie fashion. In some cases the pilot for a show would actually be done as a TV movie to see if the audience actually wanted such a show. This is the type of treatment that THE CAPE should have been given because there were too many leaps and bounds around the story that they told for it to feel cohesive and logical. One amazing example of this is the moment that ORWELL and FARADAY team up. THE CAPE has known ORWELL for all of what feels like 5 minutes and she’s giving him an earpiece to be his backup.

    Another example is when MAX MALINI is captured by the villain CHESS because of his stealing from the ARK banks. CHESS knows who he is but moving from the first to the second episode MAX is just relaxing at his carnival and apparently CHESS no longer has an interest in his lost money. If CHESS doesn’t pick this thread up again during the third episode he is the dumbest evil genius in TV show history because THE CAPE uses the exact same vanishing trick that MAX did in order to escape CHESS in the pilot episode.

    If you were able to stomach the first hour of THE CAPE you were rewarded with a not-quite-as-bad second episode that demonstrates the real promise that the show holds. FARADAY is shown to be cunning, dedicated and most importantly he is flawed because he is new to this whole super-hero thing. We as the audience are also introduced to another sub-set of hired killers whose organization is known as TAROT which opens up the scope of the show for guest villains to be logically dropped in.

    The one glaringly obvious weak plot point that continues on from the first to the second episode is SUMMER GLAU’s character ORWELL. We aren’t told at all why ORWELL seems to have all of the expensive toys are high-tech knowledge which is fine, but the character is extremely under-utilized. I’m still convinced that GLAU was added at the last minute to try to give the show more appeal to the male geek demographic the show is trying to pull in, but from what we’ve seen in these first two episodes it just isn’t enough.

    HARI CARREY

    This past Saturday’s SNL proved to be one of the most painful viewing experiences that I’ve had with the show in some time. I don’t know exactly what happened but I’d be suspicious of the fact that JIM CARREY planted himself in the writer’s room and they were all mesmerized by his BS and he was able to convince them all that he still knew what funny is. If this scenario did occur than I hope that each of the writers and cast members at least had that gut feeling that what they were hearing wasn’t actually funny at all but they were too scared to go up against the former titan that was JIM CARREY.

    I knew there was something that wasn’t quite right when the show didn’t come back from the post-monologue faux commercial to a skit. I should have known from this tiny sign that I should just fast-forward to Weekend Update and from there call it a night. Sadly I did not.

    The BLACK SWAN skit was bush-league at best since there was nothing done to make CARREY even appear feminine. Every other CARREY skit after that continued to fall flat for me with the exception of the WORST OF SOUL TRAIN sketch. This was the one and only time that CARREY delivered well timed goods and just enough exposure to be funny. I’m convinced that he had absolutely nothing to do with the creation of this skit as well.

    I also realize, in writing this, humor is subjective and open to interpretation of the viewer. I’ve seen JIM CARREY be funnier so for me he just wasn’t up to snuff on this episode. If you thought differently feel free to comment and let me know your thoughts because I would love to hear them.

    Now let’s move on to the meat and potatoes of this week’s television dining experience, shall we?

    MONDAY

    NBC – 9:00 PM: If you missed THE CAPE last night and want still want to build your own opinion than you can catch the first two hours again tonight. The NBC site calls it an encore, I call it a re-air.

    A&E – 10:00 PM: Tonight’s HOARDERS has to be the most disgusting ever as the show focuses on a man that hoards rats. Yes, I said rats. 2,500 of them. I may not even be able to stomach this one.

    TBS – 10:00 PM: MEN OF A CERTAIN AGE comes up with the suckiest road trip ever in the winter season finale as its destination: colonoscopies.

    ABC – 10:00 PM: A magic store owner is found dead in Houdini’s Water Torture Tank on tonight’s CASTLE. Too bad for the guy Houdini didn’t have the Ultra-Fluffy Bed of Final Rest trick instead.

    TUESDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: Why is it every time an Uncle comes to visit they always have an angle? Tonight on NO ORDINARY FAMILY we get JIM’s brother dropping in for a visit and he figures out a way to use JJ’s genius to win at gambling.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: It is doctor feel good night as the contestants on THE BIGGEST LOSER get lectured by the show’s doctor about just how unhealthy they are.

    COMEDY CENTRAL – 10:30 PM: If you’re a fan of funny and sports you’ll be sure to enjoy the premiere tonight of the ONION SPORTSDOME.

    WEDNESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: The only bad thing about two hours of HUMAN TARGET is that they are blowing through new episodes way too fast.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: MITCHELL bumps into a former girlfriend on tonight’s MODERN FAMILY. No, you read that write and no, I didn’t get it wrong.

    TLC – 9:00 PM: MY STRANGE ADDICTION brings us a teen that eats detergent. This makes me glad I’ve never had to wash my kid’s mouth out with soap.

    ABC – 10:00 PM: The creator of GREY’S ANNATOMY and PRIVATE PRACTICE stretches into unknown territory with a medical drama (big shock) but set in the jungle! This is going to make those laundry room hook-ups a lot more complicated.

    THURSDAY

    USA – 6:00 AM: Home sick from work (or not working)? How about a ROYAL PAINS six hour marathon?

    ABC – 8:00 PM: WIPEOUT contestants have to work their way past the Yule Log and I only wish this was on during the holidays for me to truly enjoy its winter theme.

    DISCOVERY – 8:00 PM: If you missed the GREEN HORNET special edition of MYTHBUSTERS than tonight you can enjoy it.

    FRIDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: It’s the penultimate episode of MEDIUM and ALLISON finally gets to meet a psychic stalker (the guy is stalking a psychic, not a stalker who sees the future or anything).

    THE CW – 8:00 PM: Tonight’s repeat of SMALLVILLE gives CLARK a glimpse of his red and blue future thanks to BRANIAC 5.

    HBO – 9:00 PM: The animated version of a podcast returns for a second season tonight with THE RICKY GERVAIS SHOW. Just consider it a warm up for the GOLDEN GLOBES on Sunday.

    VH1 – 9:00 PM: It’s the CRITICS’ CHOICE MOVIE AWARDS and I’m happy to say that even nearing 40 I still don’t completely agree with the critics.

    SATURDAY

    ABC – 9:00 PM: It’s the MISS AMERICA PAGEANT and we can only hope for another viral-worthy Q&A with the contestants.

    SYFY – 9:00 PM: I’m not sure if the name of the SYFY original movie BEHEMOTH is for the title character or how big a piece of crap this will be.

    NBC – 11:30 PM: Last week’s SNL may have sucked hard but at least when it comes to scheduling they’ve still got it with the combo of GWYNETH PALTROW and musical guest CEE LO GREEN. I can’t wait for the bleeps during their inevitable duet.

    SUNDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: RICKY GERVAIS returns to host THE 68th ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBES tonight and if I watch it is just to see him.

    HBO – 9:00 PM: I hope you are all caught up on BIG LOVE because the final season premieres tonight. .

    BBC AMERICA – 9:00 PM: THE TUDORS starts its cable syndication tonight on BBC AMERICA so if you always wanted to see it and didn’t have SHOWTIME than now’s your chance.

    COMEDY CENTRAL – 10:00 PM: I have no idea if it’s any good but how could I not resist wanting to type DENIS LEARY AND FRIENDS PRESENT DOUCHEBAGS AND DONUTS?

  • TV Or Not TV: 1/3 – 1/9

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    As a new year is upon us and in looking forward to the oncoming winter season of television I have to say there’s not a lot in the new offerings that I’m looking forward to.

    Last year ABC made the decision to cut the show Flash Forward and instead continue on with the equally ratings challenged V. The programming choice was a shock to some, myself included, but I’m sure the network had some sound reasons for making their decision. It was disappointing for me since Flash Forward had actually upped its game in its final episodes with a new focus that made everything really come together. V never really had enough to hold my attention especially when you factor in the three episode premiere followed by a long break from the fall until the spring.

    Tuesday marks the return of V and fans of the show are being given a mixed blessing. The show is finally back after fans have had to endure a very long wait, however the show will also only be back for 10 out of the original 13 episodes. ABC cut their order for this second season which could mean the network has very little confidence in the returning show. The creators of the show have been hoping fans will be willing to wait after the news that JANE BADLER, who played DIANA in the original 80’s version, would be coming to this new series playing a character also named DIANA. This DIANA, it turns out, is the mother of MORENA BACCARIN’s V leader ANNA. For me this isn’t enough to justify the wait but it is good enough to get me to tune in at least once when the second season premiere’s this Tuesday at 9, immediately after a new episode of NO ORDINARY FAMILY.

    TO CAPE OR NOT TO CAPE?

    I have to admit that during the NBC announcement of their new schedule one of the shows I was most hesitant about was THE CAPE. It seemed hokey, silly, and a show that was too ambitious for a network that is struggling in the ratings the way that NBC is.

    After paying closer attention in my quest for a preview of the show I find that there is more to the show that grabs my curiosity. The main character, VINCE FARADAY (DAVID LYONS) is framed for murder and is presumed dead. In the accident where he is believed to have died he is taken in by the “Carnival of Crime” and after they hear his story they train him so that he can fight on and give him an ancient CAPE that is a weapon. He uses this training and CAPE to assume the persona of THE CAPE, the same comic crime fighter that he and his son read together.

    Without seeing a single frame of the show the things that I can tell you that I like about the concept are:

    • VINCE FARADAY is BRUCE WAYNE without the money, so he’s kind of like a broke-ass BATMAN.
    • He is trained by a group of criminal circus performers lead by MAX MALINI who is played by the brilliant KEITH DAVID.
    • There isn’t one villain to focus against, there’s a cast of them.

    When you factor all of the above elements together you’ve got the potential for a story that is going to be the closest we’ve had so far to the comic version of BATMAN. A masked vigilante with no super powers who only has his well trained skills and gadgets to aid him? Sounds real close.

    The only item that gives me some concern is the fact that they cast SUMMER GLAU as ORWELL, a blogger, who teams up with THE CAPE. The casting just screams them trying to cash in on the geek cred that GLAU brings with her former stints on both FIREFLY and SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES. The fact that NO ORDINARY FAMILY has done well on ABC though shows that geek audiences are still hungry for some comic-inspired television so I’m going to give THE CAPE a chance.

    TO EACH THEIR OWN (network)

    The last item to discuss today was my sitting down to preview the New Year’s Day offerings of the Oprah Winfrey Network. I had absolutely no interest in watching this network at all and only did it for the purposes of writing about it. This shows that I’m in no way the network’s intended demographic, and my opinions on what I saw pretty much agree with that assessment.

    All of the programming that I witnessed was of the typical cable network variety. I was mildly entertained by the show KIDNAPPED BY THE KIDS but was shocked that it was chosen as the show immediately following the preview show used to launch the network. Wouldn’t the network have been better served by SEASON 25: OPRAH BEHIND THE SCENES? This is an audience looking for OPRAH, isn’t it?

    Regardless of the programming choice KIDNAPPED BY THE KIDS is a reality show that for the preview installment featured a workaholic parent being taken away from work and technology to spend quality time with the family while they express their frustrations at parental neglect. Basically the show is another WIFE SWAP / SUPER NANNY style show. Being a parent it is a good reminder to do what is important (like not ignoring your child to write this week’s column) but as a show to view in the long term it would quickly fall off my DVR must-list.

    After the initial show I tried to take in OPRAH PRESENTS MASTER CLASS but really it felt like an auto-biographical version of VH1’s BEHIND THE MUSIC. JAY-Z communicated about himself well but I just had no interest in watching.

    ENOUGH ALREADY! WITH PETER WALSH is another reality show that seemed to try to marry the current obsession we are having with those that hoard without being so depressing. Showing people a way to de-clutter and get organized is great but I used to get that from CLEAN SWEEP. Do I really need it re-tread here?

    That was all I was able to watch before throwing in the towel. This channel isn’t for me. I’m not really sure who it is for but hey, OPRAH’s got the money so who is going to argue with her?

    Now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way let’s take a look at what the new winter schedule is offering our post-holiday viewing world.

    MONDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: So there’s this guy named BRAD WOMACK who I guess didn’t do so well the first time he was on THE BACHELOR. Now he’s getting a second chance and I will still be blissfully unaware of what happens next.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER is one of the only noteworthy offerings on tonight.

    ABC FAMILY – 9:00 PM: The final season of GREEK starts tonight and it’s been a long time coming. Yes, I like GREEK so sue me.

    IFC – 11:00 PM: One of the best original show’s HBO ever had was THE LARRY SANDERS SHOW. Tonight it starts re-airing on IFC in quite a fitting time slot for the subject matter.

    TUESDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Although the two-hour length sometimes feels just as hefty as some of the contestants in the beginning I’m still going to sit through the new season of THE BIGGEST LOSER as it starts tonight. This show is perfect motivation if you set “lose a little weight” as your resolution for the new year.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: I’ve been waiting a while now to find out how the POWELL‘s deal with DAPHNE‘s memory being erased on NO ORDINARY FAMILY. Tonight the show is back and we finally get to find out.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Sorry GLEE-k’s, tonight you’re stuck with another GLEE-pete.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: If you’ve missed PAULA ABDUL‘s confusing comments during judging then you may want to tune in to LIVE TO DANCE as yet another reality show around dancing premieres.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: The Visitors return tonight as we see just how good (or not) this shortened season of V is.

    TNT – 10:00 PM: It’s a new season of SOUTHLAND tonight and I’m betting right about now NBC wishes they hadn’t dropped this show.

    WEDNESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Two hours of HUMAN TARGET is a pretty good way to spend your Wednesday.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: JAMES MARSDEN guests tonight as the good looking neighbor to CAM and MITCHELL on tonight’s MODERN FAMILY. JAMI GERTZ blasts in from the past as well.

    CBS – 9:00 PM: How can it be that these are THE PEOPLE’S CHOICE AWARDS when no one even asked me? I’m people too damnit!

    THURSDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: It’s a winter installment of WIPEOUT! I can’t wait to see snow covered BIG BALLS!

    NBC – 8:00 PM: If you did not see the original airing of the COOPERATIVE CALLIGRAPHY episode of COMMUNITY than I command you to watch this tonight and as a special treat be sure to look to the lower left of the screen when TROY says he wants to lick a puppy to see the pen get stolen.

    MTV – 10:00 PM: Another reminder of the downfall of civilization occurs as the premiere of the next season of THE JERSEY SHORE hits the airwaves.

    TLC – 10:00 PM: It’s the premiere of the final season of ACE OF CAKES. I hope we don’t find out that in the end that DUFF in the “other” bakery was dead the whole time. (worst LOST joke ever)

    FRIDAY

    CARTOON NETWORK – 8:30 PM: Tonight STAR WARS:THE CLONE WARS kicks off a three episode story that involves the brother of DARTH MAUL. OK, I’m actually interested.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: Tonight’s airing of MEDIUM is the next to next to last ever.

    FX – 8:00 PM: Roll out THE HAPPENING and the thing your network won’t have happening is ratings.

    SYFY – 10:00 PM: It’s the third season premiere of MERLIN tonight and MORGANA is ready to get all kinds of wicked on the good wizard.

    SATURDAY

    COOKING – 4:00 PM E: If you aren’t familiar with the HUNGRY GIRL line of books and other stuff than you probably won’t be interested in her new cooking show.

    DISCOVERY – 7:00 PM: It’s ripe with repeats but who can say no to a MYTHBUSTERS mini-marathon. It’s slim pickings tonight so why not?

    ABC – 8:00 PM: Miss the premieres of WIPEOUT and THE BACHELOR? If you did and didn’t want to have the change the channel than you could sit and watch them both. Like I said before, slim pickings.

    BBC AMERICA – 8:00 PM: If you missed last Saturday’s fourth series premiere of PRIMEVAL you can watch it followed immediately by the next episode at 9.

    NBC – 11:30 PM: It’s just a few months shy of it being 15 years since JIM CARREY was on SNL. It could be interesting to see him yuck it up sketch comedy style like he did all those years ago on IN LIVING COLOR.

    SUNDAY

    SYFY – 11:00 AM: The network that changed it’s name to not be so SciFi is bringing us a STAR TREK movie marathon today.

    A&E – 4:00 PM: Slick back your mullet and hunker down low for a DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER marathon. Drinking game rules are located here.

    FOX – 8:30 PM: A new animated show tries to break into the Animation Domination block on Sunday nights with the premiere of BOB’S BURGERS. The animation looks cheap, it’s not done by anyone named Groening or Macfarlane so I’m sure it’s going to be great.

    NBC – 9:00 PM: It’s the two hour premiere of THE CAPE so we can see if its worth all the commercials NBC has been putting up during the holiday season. If you miss it though it’s on again tomorrow at the exact same time in its regular time slot.

  • TV Or Not TV: 12/13 – 12/19

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    Well another season of DEXTER has now come and gone. Although I’ve read mixed reviews about this season I have to say that I was really entertained by it. I’m also going to not hold anything back in talking about it so if you haven’t seen it yet and plan to then be forewarned that there be spoilers abound in these waters.

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    This season of DEXTER had the very large shoes of last season to try and fill. JOHN LITHGOW had a stellar performance as the TRINITY killer in an amazing story line that shocked, amazed, and hit us with a punch in the gutt on its way out the door with the unexpected murder in the final moments.

    When viewing the season’s overall story arc I think the writers did a pretty good job of delivering us a season that wasn’t too over-the-top while still being a fufilling viewing experience. They started the season off slow, with DEXTER dealing with the fallout after RITA’s death. It isn’t until the middle of the second episode where we start to see some of the old DEXTER return. He also doesn’t fufill the cravings of his “dark passenger” until the end of the third episode, giving us as viewers enough time of mourning over the loss of RITA before moving on to the DEXTER that we all know and love.

    The first few episodes of the season are the only ones that I have a complaint about because the pace and stories of the supporting characters in the show seemed drawn out. Yes some elements of the stories were necessary to allow for other characters to be introduced like the great PETER WELLER. These characters for the DEXTER fan, however, are a mixed bag since they help move the story along but even though they are his co-workers they are also his adversaries. I never want to get too involved in their stories because, as the second season taught us, they can become expendable.

    The direction the show took with the introduction of LUMEN and the situation surrounding the BARREL GIRLS was a new type of terror that we haven’t really had to face. I understand why it was necessary but the simple shocking reality is that this type of thing may go on in our world which made it slightly difficult to endure. After you get over that shock it is very easy to see why the story had to unfold the way it did. In the third season it was very difficult to stomach JIMMY SMITS character committing the types of attrocities that DEXTER does because he didn’t live by “the Code” so he was just a psychopath. We can handle what DEXTER does because he acts out what the id feels when we learn what these people do. Unless it is to ensure his survival DEXTER doesn’t just kill someone that makes his life difficult. JORDAN CHASE and his BARREL GIRLS group gave this season two important things: something for DEXTER to focus on that involved protecting future innocent lives being taken away just like RITA and allowing someone to go down such a dark path we didn’t mind if they commited the same type of vigilante killings that DEXTER does.

    In the season finale there was a season ripe with tension but for me it was also wrought with metaphor. DEXTER’s sister DEBORAH comes across the camp and the very room where DEXTER and LUMEN have dispatched the last person reponsible for her horrific ordeal. In this moment the pair are hidden by a murky sheet of plastic that divides the room. DEB can see that they are there but can’t see them completely. This moment also reflects, for me, the same way that DEB must view DEXTER. Other police officers in the Miami Metro Homicide division have been suspicious of DEXTER yet DEB never questions. She sees her brother every day but she must have a similar murky filter between her and her brother that belays any suspicions she must have. This has to be the case since at least two other detectives have had suspicions about DEXTER (speaking of which, don’t any of these cops wonder why their area attracks so many demented murderes? The Ice Truck Killer, The Bay Harbor Butcher, The Trinity Killer, Barrel Girl Killers… that’s a lot for one city isn’t it?).

    The writers did a pretty good job as well of wrapping up this season in a manner that allows them a clean slate for the recently green lit sixth season. LUMEN is leaving in a non-fatal manner, one that given her story was a foregone conclusion for me the moment she and DEXTER were working together. DEXTER is still a father but has the perfect nanny and RITA’s children can conveniently be around during visits and then dispatched conveniently back to their grandparents home. After DEXTER clears QUINN of the crime that DEXTER knows he didn’t commit QUINN admits to owing DEXTER which will hopefully avoid any future suspicions of DEXTER’s “other” activities. DEXTER is once again free to just be DEXTER.

    Now that I’ve said my piece on DEXTER let’s move on to the crime that is this week’s available viewing options.

    MONDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: Have you noticed yet that the only show on CBS I recommend on Monday’s is HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER? ’nuff said.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: I don’t know why I can’t stop watching THE SING-OFF since it’s the exact same show as last year. There’s one group of older people,
    several mediocre groups and then there’s the entertaining college kids (ON THE ROCKS) and the smaller but completely amazing ensemble that were the clear winners from day one (COMMITTED). Ah well, it’s not like anything else is really on.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: From the “We don’t give a crap file” I humbly submit to you MARIAH CAREY: MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU. Let me guess, she’s got a holiday album out this year?

    TUESDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: I love the PEANUTS specials (Who can forget the touching story told in IT’S FLASH BEAGLE, CHARLIE BROWN) but I don’t think I’ve ever seen I WANT A DOG FOR CHRISTMAS, CHARLIE BROWN!

    FOX – 8:00 PM: It’s a pop-star tribute GLEE-peat double header tonight with the MADONNA and BRITNEY SPEARS episodes. I’d make a joke about this but I think the show writers already did by making them.’

    NBC – 9:00 PM: It’s the live season finale of THE BIGGEST LOSER where I’m rooting for PATRICK to win. This show is such a great motivator and reminder to ea… oh look, Christmas fudge!

    WEDNESDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: OK, if you actually watched THE SING-OFF along with me then be sure to remember there’s another episode on tonight.

    USA – 8:00 PM: Oh, look! ELF is on USA tonight. There’s something you don’t see happen very often.

    COMEDY CENTRAL – 8:00 PM: If you missed the first ever FUTURAMA HOLIDAY SPECTACULAR then here is another chance to catch it.

    DISCOVERY – 9:00 PM: In tonight’s all new MYTHBUSTERS special it’s a special GREEN HORNET edition where SETH ROGEN drops in to help bust some myth’s. Which myth are they attacking, “You’re not off ’till you cough?”

    THURSDAY

    ABC FAMILY – 6:00 PM: On a night full of repeats ABC FAMILY gives us the gift of PIXAR with FINDING NEMO followed by THE INCREDIBLES.

    FX – 10:00 PM: It’s the IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA holiday special! Need I say more?

    TBS – 10:00 PM: If it weren’t for the fact that the “Man Your Man Could Smell Like” himself, ISAIAH MUSTAFA, is hosting I’d think sitting around watching the FUNNIEST COMMERCIALS OF THE YEAR was silly. Even sillier? If you DVR this you’re going to be skipping over the commercials to get to the commercials.

    FRIDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: CBS is offering up a large helping of holiday cheer with YES, VIRGINIA followed by FROSTY THE SNOWMAN and FROSTY RETURNS.

    USA – 9:00 PM: Oh, look! ELF is on USA tonight. There’s something you don’t see happen very often.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: In this PRIMETIME special WHAT WOULD YOU DO? the network uses hidden cameras to see how people react when tey think no one is watching. Does putting the PRIMETIME name on it class it up enough so that we don’t know it’s a classed up version of SCARE TACTICS?

    CBS – 9:30 PM: Tonight special I GET THAT A LOT as they look back at some of the highlights (I use the term loosely) from past shows and some unseen footage. Come watch again as nobody believes that it isn’t PARIS HILTON pumping their gas.

    SATURDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: Need a way to distract the kids for three hours? ABC rolls out another airing of I WANT A DOG FOR CHRISTMAS, CHARLIE BROWN! followed by MADAGASCAR.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: The Peacock offers up a retread as well as they re-run the Christmas party episode of THE OFFICE.

    HALLMARK – 8:00 PM: BATTLE OF THE BULBS sure feels a lot like DECK THE HALLS when DANIEL STERN and MATT FREWER get ugly trying to one up each other’s holiday decorations.

    NBC – 11:30 PM: I still haven’t watched last week’s episode of SNL with PAUL RUDD but this week is a no-miss as THE DUDE himself JEFF BRIDGES hosts the weekly train wreck.

    SUNDAY

    ABC – 7:00 PM: ABC puts forth no programming effort whatsoever with the airing of THE SANTA CLAUSE 2 and THE SANTA CLAUSE 3: THE ESCAPE CLAUSE.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: It’s the season finale for SURIVOR: NICARAGUA and I’ve not watched a single moment of the show.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: FAMILY GUY‘s retelling of THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK airs tonight to serve as a warm up to all the people that will no doubt be watching…

    ADULT SWIM – 11:30 PM: I completely missed the mark in neglecting to mention the amazing VENTURE BROTHERS season finale so I am making it a point to mention the ROBOT CHICKEN: STAR WARS EPISODE III special. Nothing says Happy Holidays like stop-motion Star Wars comedy.

  • TV Or Not TV: 11/29 – 12/5

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    This week’s column is just all about the listings. With the Thanksgiving holiday I haven’t had a chance to do much in my viewing other than getting all caught up on FRINGE. Even though I have some thoughts and theories there isn’t really enough to write up a full article on. Here’s the Cliff Notes:

    1. The alternate universe has been a great story telling mechanism since the middle of last season and it has been a complete and utter mind-bending winner for me this season as well.
    2. The stakes are too high that they’ve laid out. Only one of these two universes can survive? This makes me think that weeks from now PETER is going to be stepping into this mystery machine because he’s going to believe doing so will be a valid alternative option.
    3. Given everything that they were shown prior to the last episode I already thought it was pretty clear that WALTERNATE was trying to engineer  a situation where PETER is inadvertently doing what WALTERNATE wants him to do even though he’s on the other side. The last episode pretty much locked this in for us. I just can’t understand how these supposedly smart characters can’t see what I even thought was obvious before the story confirmed it.
    4. I really can’t buy that no one could really tell that FAUXLIVIA isn’t their real OLIVIA since they all really knew her.
    5. It boggles my mind to think where they are going to go from here.
    6. Now that FRINGE is being moved to FRIDAY does this mean that FOX just wants to show to go quietly into that good night?

    Now that I got that out of my system let’s look at the viewing choices for the next seven days.

    MONDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: I’m really hoping that the return of LINDA HAMILTON this week on CHUCK marks the return to story telling that I actually give a crap about.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: I don’t even know why I’m mentioning SKATING WITH THE STARS since I won’t be watching a single moment of it.

    LOGO – 8:00 PM: Normally I wouldn’t mention a syndicated show but the BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER episode titled THE BODY was probably one of the best episodes of the show that ever aired.

    AMC – 8:00 PM: I still think one of the very overlooked newer holiday classics is the BILL MURRAY film SCROOGED so much so that I wonder why it isn’t part of my home video library. It will be on AMC for the next four nights so try and catch it if you never have.

    ABC FAMILY – 9:00 PM: When I originally saw the title of THE DOG WHO SAVED CHRISTMAS VACATION I was hoping for a mash-up of the CHEVY CHASE classic but instead you get PARIS HILTON voicing a dog.

    TUESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: The group on GLEE finally heads to sectionals. I’m sure the numbers they perform won’t be nearly as flashy or as choreographed as the numbers they put on for just themselves in their school auditorium.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Behold the festivities around the illumination of plant life with the 78th ANNUAL CHRISTMAS IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: It’s just not the holiday season until they air RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: The Alphabet offers up a green and mean double header with THE GRINCH WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS followed by SHREK THE HALLS.

    NBC – 9:00 PM: Tonight the contestants on THE BIGGEST LOSER have to overcome their biggest challenge yet, being moved an hour later to 9 PM.

    FX – 10:00 PM: It’s the season finale for SONS OF ANARCHY.

    CBS – 10:00 PM: I didn’t think they could possibly make the VICTORIA’S SECRET FASHION SHOW but then they go and get KATY PERRY to perform.

    WEDNESDAY

    ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: I have to admit that there are some parts of me that actually enjoy the live-action film DR. SEUSS’ HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS. It is a bit alarming though to see the GRINCH talking like FIRE MARSHALL BILL a whole lot.

    AMC – 8:00 PM: SCROOGED is still an option tonight is all I’m saying.

    USA – 10:00 PM: Tonight’s episode of PSYCH is also a TWIN PEAKS tribute.

    THURSDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: Fond childhood memories of watching SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN’ TO TOWN are now replaced by the sad realization that kids today have no idea who any of the people doing the voices for this special even are.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: I’m not sure if the time continuity is accurate here but it doesn’t matter because tonight TROY turns 21 on COMMUNITY so let the drinking jokes begin!

    FOX – 9:00 PM: After two weeks we finally get to find out what PETER does after the phone call he received two weeks ago on FRINGE.

    NBC – 9:00 PM: MICHAEL, for whatever reason, decides he must stop the global power that is China on tonight’s episode of THE OFFICE.

    DIY – 9:00 PM: How was I unaware of THE VANILLA ICE PROJECT? Home renovation and aged rap music for the win!

    FRIDAY

    THE CW – 8:00 PM: Somehow CLARK gets bounded to an alternate universe where he was raised by the LUTHORS instead of the KENTS on tonight’s episode of SMALLVILLE. Wait, is this a FRINGE cross-over?

    CBS – 8:00 PM: After tonight there are only 3 more episodes of MEDIUM ever.

    ABC FAMILY – 8:30 PM: Will this finally be the year that I watch THE POLAR EXPRESS?

    SATURDAY

    LOGO – 6:00 PM: It was very shocking for fans when the WB some how lost BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER and even more shocking for fans when the fifth season ended with the title character dieing. If you want to relive it you can watch a mini-marathon today.

    MTV – 8:00 PM: ADAM SANDLER has really accomplished a lot but EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS is definitely not a jewel in his crown.

    G4 – 8:00 PM: Do you know how little there is on tonight? I’m recommending SUPER HIGH ME on G4, that’s how little there is on tonight.

    SUNDAY

    ABC FAMILY – 7:00 AM: Want a real lazy Sunday? How about an all day HARRY POTTER movie marathon from THE SORCERER’S STONE up through ORDER OF THE PHOENIX?

    DISC – 4:00 PM: OK, maybe you actually did something with the better part of your day and now you want a lazy Sunday evening? How about a MYTHBUSTERS marathon that includes the  Top 25 Moments starting at 7?

    USA – 6:00 PM: Don’t look now, it’s another airing of ELF.

    AMC – 10:00 PM: There is not greater sadness then the recognition that tonight is the first season finale of THE WALKING DEAD and we will probably have to wait until next October for more.

    A&E – 10:00 PM: I’m sorry, I was wrong. there is no greater sadness than knowing there is now a reality show being shot around THE HASSELHOFFS.

  • TV Or Not TV: 11/15 – 11/21

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    In case you hadn’t heard, a new late night talk show had premiered last week. I’m here to tell you that I liked it.

    The morning after the first episode of CONAN had aired I had read a lot of reviews that seemed to all say the same thing: New show, same stuff. I’m not exactly sure why so many critics would sit there and think that upon his return CONAN would do something to shake up the late night talk show landscape. Granted the show LOPEZ TONIGHT which gracefully stepped aside to let CONAN in does already with its departure from the use of the curtain and desk and replacing it with its auditorium performance feel. JIMMY KIMMEL tried to break the LATE NIGHT mold by not doing a standing monologue, abandoning the tie for an open collar with visible t-shirt and he discovered that it just doesn’t work. There’s an old saying: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

    We are all very aware of the fact that the departure of CONAN from NBC’s THE TONIGHT SHOW was awkward, uncomfortable and I’m thinking it’s a safe bet to say it was also a major blow to CONAN’s ego. He was playing the game, he was doing the dance, and he was still being chucked out to accommodate the guy that the network had previously thought they were willing to let go in order to keep CONAN. After something like this happens you really have only three choices: re-invent yourself and do something new, fade into obscurity, or find a place to do what you were doing and do it well. Thankfully TBS was willing to let CONAN do the latter. On his first show I thought he did everything just the way he should since leaving NBC and becoming a Twitter and Internet phenomenon: He let the audience adore him, he poked fun at his previously employer, he jabbed a little at his new employer to show the kids he is still hip and cool (that is what kid’s say, right?) and then he brought the talk. Yes you could tell he was frenetic and he was nervous, but after everything that he has been through I think that the show (and the remainder of the week’s shows that followed) were exactly what CONAN needed to do. It was part safety net, part ego, and after the ratings came out it was also part revenge.

    I know that after the entire week played out you may say that the ratings weren’t great when compared to THE TONIGHT SHOW or THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN. If, however, you factor in the fact that CONAN isn’t on one of the four major networks his numbers being over one million are actually pretty stellar. Last week he did very well compared to THE DAILY SHOW and THE COLBERT REPORT and he’s doing it all while being able to show the world that you don’t have to be on a major network to get the job done. I only hope that the ratings stay consistent into this second week as the short attention span of the world may let its fickle mind drift to something else. I’d also like to apologize to JIMMY KIMMEL since I feel that with last week’s viewings of CONAN I kind of cheated on him a little. It’s not you JIMMY, it’s me. I’ve only got so many hours of TV I can watch. I’m sorry.

    THE WALKING DEAD: TELL IT TO THE FROGS (read at your own risk, mild spoilers below)

    Since I last wrote about THE WALKING DEAD I did something I didn’t expect to do. The pilot episode of the show was so good that I just had to get caught up on the entire comic series that inspired the show. It wasn’t my original intent since there were 78 issues to date, but after reading the first 12 I had no choice but to press on. Reading through them all was the upside of having at least two hours a day where I sit on a commuter train.

    I bring up this literarry marathon that I put myself on becuase last night’s episode of THE WALKING DEAD titled TELL IT TO THE FROGS payed homage to the source material once again while still maintaining its originality. In this third installment we see RICK GRIMES finally reunited with his wife LORI and son CARL, both of whom had believed RICK to be dead. The scene played out wonderfully both few panels of a comic book and all of the actors involved really made me feel the impact of this moment.

    There are many times when reading THE WALKING DEAD you will find that RICK GRIMES gets himself out of the frying pan and is more than willing to drop himself into the fire. Last week’s episode, GUTS, had the small group of survivors that RICK accidentally forced into being trapped in ATLANTA had to leave behind MICHAEL ROOKER’s character of MERLE DIXON. Not even 24 hours after reuniting with his family RICK wants to go back to attempt to rescue MERLE from his dire situation while also wanting to go back for the big bag of guns and ammunition that he left behind after being de-horsed in teh show’s pilot. RICK’s willingness to endanger himself and the travelling back to ATLANTA for guns both are lifted right out of the comic, but the addition of MERLE being stuck on a roof made the reason for going back into the precarious situation they had just left make a bit more sense for me. The attempt to save someone from dying in an extremely inhumane way is a bit more compelling and makes the going back for the guns feel more like it’s just the icing on the cake.

    Another item that really troubled me in last week’s episode GUTS was the way that the relationship between SHANE and LORI was depicted. It wasn’t the intimacy that was shown so much as what seemed like the willingness for LORI to already be moving on after such short a time. Tonight, however, we discover that her reason for doing so were because SHANE flat out told her that RICK was dead. The implications of what has transpired since he told her this and the subtext of the motivation behind why he told her this lead the writers to represent a realistic rage that LORI unleashed upon SHANE near the end of the episode. In that short two minutes my ill feelings towards LORI’s actions last week were completely dispelled and I’m anxious once again to see the character more on the show.

    COMMUNITY: Cooperative Calligraphy (or why I love this show so damn much)


    The NBC sitcom COMMUNITY has never apologized for being  pop-culture self-aware and in the most recent episode, COOPERATIVE CALLIGRAPHY, the show clearly compensates for the bigger budget episodes by producing a “bottle episode” where the entire thing is shot in one location to save costs. Before this episode I was never even aware of the term bottle episode so I appreciate them educating me, however this isn’t why I’m so appreciative of this show.

    What transpired during this episode was good character development, an interesting exploration into the study groups dynamic, but it was also subtle genius. In the episode ANNIE discovers that her purple pen has gone missing. Everyone in the group becomes a suspect. By the episode’s end we find out who took the pen. It’s a clever reveal when it happens, something that in an ordinary episode of television we would see, laugh and take the answer we were given. COMMUNITY however doesn’t want us to just accept their answer like a spoon-fed child. In this most recent episode, just as TROY makes the disturbing statement at the sight of a puppy, “Ahhhh… I want to lick it” you can actually see the pen being taken by the guilty party. It is subtle, it is fast, but considering who took the pen it is just amazing and brilliant (and you can see it here. For the record this is also something I would not have been aware of if it weren’t for the fine people of the Internet showing me that this happened.

    A similar example of the writers subtle genius is in the episode “The Psychology of Letting Go” and it is something once again I would have been completely unaware of if not for the fine people of the Internet. ABED has an entire story line in the episode but it is played out in the background. If you are watching what goes on in the foreground, much the same way I was, you miss ABED befriending a pregnant girl and even helping her deliver the child. Don’t believe me? See it here.

    As you can see from these two simple examples the show’s creative team is really putting out some top notch stuff. If you haven’t watched COMMUNITY before I implore you to jump on in and bask in its wonder.

    Now that we’ve gotten that bit out of the way let’s see what this week holds for our viewing (dis)pleasure.

    MONDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: CHUCK is back tonight and he’s INTERSECT-less and goes through extreme counseling to try to get it back. Although I’m a big CHUCK fan I have to admit that this plot twist is a bit contrived as is the ham handed way they will be resolving with what was seen near the end of the last episode.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: There’s only one thing better than knowing it’s a new episode of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER tonight is knowing that BARNEY finds a tape of the children’s show featuring the beginning of ROBIN SPARKLES.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Smallpox seems to rock the HOUSE tonight but we all know that it’s just going to be something else. At least we get to see them use those cool hazmat suits.

    CBS – 9:00 PM: No I’m not really recommending an episode of TWO AND A HALF MEN but I’d actually watch it if they had CHARLIE SHEEN‘s character do even half of the things he did in real life.

    TUESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: First she was on the CMA’s and now QWYNETH PALTROW fill’s in when MR. SCHUSTER gets on tonight’s GLEE. At this point we just need to know when her CD drops, right?

    ABC – 8:00 PM: Isn’t it a bit soon for JIM to be trying to take on a mobster on NO ORDINARY FAMILY? I thought you had to have a set arch-nemesis before you could go after the mob.

    FOX – 9:30 PM: I guess it doesn’t speak well to RUNNING WILDE fans that its slot is filled with a repeat of RAISING HOPE.

    TBS – 10:00 PM: So the director of VAN WILDER is one of the creators of GLORY DAZE about a group of college friends trying to get into an anything goes fraternity back in 1986. Ah, a historical period piece! CONAN must be excited about the lead in.

    WEDNESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Tonight marks the return of HUMAN TARGET and there’s lots of buzz over CHUCK alumn MATT MILLER taking over as show runner. Having seen the premiere episode I like the new feel of the show and new cast members.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: One of the tribes comes back to camp to discover it’s been consumed by fire on tonight’s SURVIVOR: NICARAGUA. Someone didn’t listen to SMOKEY THE BEAR when they were a kid.

    DISCOVERY – 9:00 PM: Tonight the MYTHBUSTER are driving backwards at top speeds. I have no idea what the myth they are busting is but I can’t wait to see this one.

    ABC – 10:00 PM: Who could believe it’s already been a quarter of a century of sexy! 25 YEARS OF SEXY: PEOPLE MAGAZINE’S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE! tries to get us to relive it all with host KIM KARDASHIAN. I still don’t get how there can be a new sexiest man alive every year since they don’t kill off the old ones. They should make it more like LOGAN’S RUN and only the strongest of them all renews.

    TBS – 11:00 PM: CONAN has RUSSEL BRAND and KID ROCK performs. Now THAT is a backstage I wouldn’t mind crashing.

    THURSDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: Someone tell that little round headed kid that A CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING is a week too early.

    NBC – 9:00 PM: Tonight’s THE OFFICE has a lot going on at once. DWIGHT puts together a hay festival in the parking lot, MICHAEL apparently has forgotten that RYAN was arrested over fraud as he tries to convince others to invest in RYAN‘s Internet company and some type of technicality stops JIM from being able to earn commission. I’m tuning in for the hay festival myself.

    TBS – 11:00 PM: Tonight CONAN has JESSE EISENBERG. Hopefully he’ll mention how people tell him they loved him in SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD and the comedy circle will be complete (see MICHAEL CERA’s appearance last week on CONAN if you don’t get this).

    FRIDAY

    THE CW – 8:00 PM: To take the heat off of his team OLIVER registers for the VIGILANTE SUPER HERO ACT. Since he already admitted he is a vigilante I don’t know how this would actually take any heat off of anyone.

    TRUTV – 8:00 PM: Want a triple-header of crazy? Take in CONSPIRACY THEORY WITH JESSE VENTURA.

    TLC – 10:00 PM: HOMEMADE MILLIONAIRE lets female home inventors present their ideas to KELLY RIPPA and a panel of judges hoping to win a deal with HSN. I wonder how long until I see the MAC & COOL on there.

    SATURDAY

    TNT – 8:00 PM: Want some fun? Watch WHAT WOMEN WANT but play those phone message recordings of MEL GIBSON‘s to replace his dialogue.

    TBS – 10:00 PM: Aw heck, why not watch TALLADEGA NIGHTS: THE BALLAD OF RICKY BOBBY but play those phone message recordings of MEL GIBSON‘s as well. It’s better than most of the other options on TV tonight.

    NBC – 11:30 PM: Last time ANNE HATHAWAY was on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE she killed so I’d highly recommend taking this one in as well.

    SUNDAY

    USA – 7:00 PM: It must be the holiday season because USA Network has started there annual over-playing of ELF.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: I’m not exactly sure what the 2010 AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS are but look at all the acts they have lined up: Kid Rock, Christina Aguilera, Bon Jovi, Pink, Usher, Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Ne-Yo; Diddy-Dirty Money, and Rihanna. For some reason they also think it’s a big deal that they’ll have New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys on stage together. That WOULD be really exciting if it were still the 90’s.

    E! – 9:00 PM: Tonight on THE E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY they turn their attention to former AMERICAN IDOL CONTESTANT ADAM LAMBERT. Didn’t this show used to be all about tragic careers? Oh wait, it still is. They’re just getting ahead of the curve on this one.

    SHO – 9:00 PM: I haven’t written a lot about DEXTER this season because I tend to be in catch up mode on it but I love the direction they’ve taken after the powerhouse of a season they had last year. I’m sure tonight will be another great installment of the show.

  • TV Or Not TV: 11/8 – 11/14

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    If you’ve been a long time reader of this column (if so, my condolences) than you know that I’ve had a mixed relationship with the show SMALLVILLE. There have been times in the past I’ve loved SMALLVILLE and there have been times in the past where I’ve detested it. It has been a very uneven show that has strayed far away from its original concept in the fight to stay viable.

    For those of you that may be completely unaware of what SMALLVILLE is still the premise is really simple: It’s a revised version of the life that CLARK KENT lives leading up to becoming SUPERMAN. The show started as a hybrid version of THE X-FILES and ROSWELL with a monster-of-the-week theme while the young CLARK learned about his powers and abilities. As the years have passed the monster-of-the-week theme stuck but the developing Supes story also merged with MELROSE PLACE along the way as characters slept with other characters and Kryptonian story lines furthered to muddy the waters of comprehension.

    With SMALLVILLE entering its tenth and final season I wasn’t sure if I was going to stick with it, which is pretty much what I’ve done each year for at least the past five seasons. Thankfully I’ve been pleasantly surprised by what the creative team behind the show has done with the stories thus far and with the direction that the show is headed. They know that this is the final season and they seem to be guiding us into the final transitional chapter of CLARK KENT finally putting on those tights and becoming the protector of mankind.

    A few seasons back the show did what I considered the unthinkable in the offing of SUPERMAN’s greatest foe, the corrupt and powerful LEX LUTHOR. The move was one the show had to do since Michael Rosenbaum decided it was time he move on from the role. In this final season it would seem that they’ve come up with a way to remedy this in a way that I find acceptable both creatively and conceptually.

    The most important part of this final lap that SMALLVILLE is taking is the solidification of the relationship between LOIS and CLARK. In the past the relationship wasn’t one that I was able to buy between the two actors but this season the chemistry between TOM WELLING and ERICA DURANCE is more palpable. I can finally believe them as a couple and I’m ready to see them move towards the closing of this story.

    My only gripe right now is the VIGILANTE REGISTRATION ACT story line that they also are playing out. I suppose the MARVEL COMICS CIVIL WAR is still too fresh in my mind to have this topic retread but I’m not sure if the comic reading uber-geek is really the core audience of this show any more and I may be speaking in the minority. It’s also been a few episodes since we’ve had to deal with DARKSEID but I’m sure he’ll be cropping up some time in December just in time for a winter break cliffhanger.

    Enough about SMALLVILLE though, let’s get to the nitty gritty.

    MONDAYConan on TBS

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Quick note to NBC, if you want to get out of last place running DECISION POINTS: A Conversation with George W. Bush opposite… well… anything on the schedule… won’t help you. Another bad decision may also come back to haunt you later tonight at 11.

    CBS – 9:30 PM: Tonight on MIKE & MOLLY it turns out MIKE‘s snoring may be an issue. Oh yeah, there nothing more of a knee slapper than sleep apnea.

    TBS – 11:00 PM: Seriously, is there anything else on tonight that is more noteworthy than the premiere of CONAN? TBS is going to have their highest late night ratings tonight. This isn’t a prediction, it’s a fact. The real question: how long will the ratings wave last? Yes I’m petty and yes I hope the ratings stay high just long enough for the execs at NBC to REALLY regret their decision.

    TUESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: SAM and FINN find an unconventional way of controlling their urges on GLEE. Does it have anything to do with guys bursting out into song spontaneously or singing show tunes? That’s a mood killer for me any day.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Instead of just yelling at the contestants on THE BIGGEST LOSER to work them to death in the gym BOB and JILLIAN also confront them on issues they can’t overcome. I’m sure that’s just what you want when you’re muscles have turned to jelly and your coated in sweat.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: It’s always hard when the in-laws drop in, but imagine if you’re NO ORDINARY FAMILY and you have to hide your powers. Even worse, imagine you can read minds and your grandma is in the room checking out your grandpa. Eeeewwww!

    WEDNESDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: I’ve never watched the CMAs before but tonight on THE 44th ANNUAL CMA AWARDS we’ll get to see GWYNETH PALTROW make her live country music debut. Anyone who’s seen DUETS has to be as excited as I am for this (I’m not).

    NBC – 8:00 PM: At press time I’ve yet to watch a single episode of UNDERCOVERS. According to the ratings I’m not alone.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Tonight on HELL’S KITCHEN it’s the men v… oh, who cares. I’ve never watched a single frame of this show either. It’s just filler at this point isn’t it?

    THURSDAY

    HBO – 9:00 PM: JAMES GANDOLFINI interviews men of the service and their families to examine the lingering effects of battle in the gripping documentary WARTORN: 1861-2010.

    NBC – 9:00 PM: ERIN and GABE host a viewing part of GLEE on THE OFFICE and I’m at a total loss that a competing network show gets this kind of coverage. Oh those whackey OFFICE writers!

    USA – 10:00 PM: It’s the mid-season return of BURN NOTICE and MICHAEL WESTON still continues his quest to find the people who burned him. Shouldn’t he just find a good therapist at this point and let it go? He’s got a pretty decent ‘protector for hire’ business going on, why not just be happy doing that? Oh yeah, then there’d be no angst to the show.

    FRIDAY

    THE CW – 8:00 PM: TERI HATCHER returns to a super-themed show tonight on SMALLVILLE as she shows up as LOIS LANE‘s mom only thirteen years after she herself played the character. That’s gotta not feel too good for the ego.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: Weird stuff happens on MEDIUM, same as it ever does. I only mention it because the network cut the show’s order down to 13 episodes so this may be one of the final five episodes of MEDIUM ever.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: JACK and LIZ try to get away to a romantic Bed & Breakfast and I’m sure DAN won’t do anything to ruin it on tonight’s episode of THE GOOD GUYS.

    SATURDAY

    BBC AMERICA – 6:00 AM EST: An all day marathon of the last season of DOCTOR WHO is kicked off with the final TENNANT installment THE END OF TIME. You’ve only got to endure two hours to get to MATT SMITH, and it’s well worth it. Since this season was also available on home video November 9th I’m sure you’ll see plenty of commercials to buy it as well during the run today.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: The series finale of OUTLAW airs proving once again that Saturday night is where cancelled shows go to die.

    HBO – 10:00 PM: TRACY MORGAN: BLACK AND BLUE tries to continue the time honored tradition of a hilarious Saturday night HBO comedy special. Yes, I said tries.

    SUNDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: CARRIE UNDERWOOD, LEANN RIMES and KEITH URBAN help the EXTREME MAKEOVER: HOME EDITION team rebuild a school. Yes, HOME EDITION rebuilds a  SCHOOL. I guess they’ll be brushing up on reading comprehension while they are there.

    TLC – 9:00 PM: Because we just haven’t gotten enough of her the good folks at TLC decided we really needed to see SARAH PALIN’S ALASKA. I’m sure it is majestic, beautiful and filled with at least 10 minutes of political crazy talk.

    PBS – 9:00 PM: In a way it is sort of fitting that the woman who did the most notorious SARAH PALIN impersonation is honored and it airs opposite her TLC premiere with tonight’s counter-programming of TINA FEY: THE MARK TWAIN PRIZE. Talk about going rogue!

  • TV Or Not TV: 8/23 – 8/29

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    One of the shows that I was most looking forward to seeing this fall after hearing about it was NO ORDINARY FAMILY on ABC. If you’re a regular reader of this column this probably isn’t a surprise at all since the shows I like lean towards a geekier flavor and NO ORDINARY FAMILY certainly fits the bill.

    No Ordinary Family

    Before viewing the first episode of NO ORDINARY FAMILY I understood the premise of the show since it is one very familiar to most comic book readers. A family survives a plain crash in Brazil and not long after they start to experience super-human powers. The premise at first sounds very formulaic and I for one was left wondering where they could go with this? What new ground could they cover? Is the ordinary people with extraordinary abilities story ready to be taken in again after so many were burned so badly by the recently departed HEROES?

    After seeing the pilot I was extremely happy both with the way that the premise is being handled as well as the possibilities of the future of the show. These are not perfect people that have their lives improved by their new abilities. This is the typical family caught up in the modern age and all of the dysfunction that goes with it. JIM POWELL (MICHAEL CHIKLIS) is the dad who considers himself a failed artist that is now reduced to doing sketches of suspects who is trying desperately to keep his family together. STEPHANIE POWELL (JULIE BENZ) is the mom who is an over-achieving medical researcher who is losing the connection to her husband and family the more she is excelling at work. DAPHNE POWELL (KAY PANABAKER) is the typical teenage daughter and J.J. POWELL (JIMMY BENNETT) is the son who’s most critical issue appears to be poor academic performance. This show is not a case of THE BRADY BUNCH GET SUPER. In today’s society they are the snapshot of an ordinary family.

    The pilot for the show sets all of the above up pretty well for us in a very quick manner. The important beats are hit and we are rushed quickly to the vacation, the plane crash, and back home so the main part of our story can be told. It goes without saying, I think, that the discovery of the super abilities is the funnest part of the pilot (at least for the sci-fi lovin’ types like myself). Many a comic reader have dreamed of the moment where they would first discover super-human strength or speed and the show deliveries on these moments in ways I’m sure most of us have pictured them. The show also addresses the confusion or frustration such discoveries might also cause. One of my personal favorite moments is after STEPHANIE has revealed to a co-worker her abilities and as they test them the co-worker asks the same real world questions the audience might be asking as well.

    The possibilities for the future of the show are also shown to us in JIM’s exploration of his new abilities. His job is an obvious plot convenience since he works for the police department and helps make a natural progression in the direction of a possible crime-fighting super-hero. His best friend GEORGE ST. CLOUD (ROMANY MALCO from WEEDS) helps to push JIM in this direction and by episodes end establishes himself pretty well as the potential sidekick. The discovery of a villain that also has super abilities finishes off the foundation of the shows potential, at least in the crime fighting direction.

    The part of the show that I think will prove to be more entertaining is more of the real life conflict that may come from having these super-abilities. High school is complicated enough but DAPHNE’s new ability could further isolate her from the people around her. J.J.’s ability is certain to raise some eyebrows that will cause headaches for his parents both in dealing with him and as the school system itself feels the possible repercussions.

    Since I already raised a semi-comparison early on I can certainly say that the beginning of NO ORDINARY FAMILY is far less mysterious and frustrating than the original pilot of HEROES. This show makes me want to watch to see what might not happen next and not because I feel I have to in order to understand what is going on. The show also feels more accessible than NBC’s upcoming THE CAPE which, from the trailer, looks more like a show you might see in Saturday syndication rather than network prime time. NO ORDINARY FAMILY is a family friendly show that I’d definitely recommend you all take in when it premieres Tuesday, September 28th.

    With all of that said let’s move on to what viewing options are(n’t) recommended for this week.

    MONDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: I only mention this special installment of MINUTE TO WIN IT because the contestants are former MISS USA and UNIVERSE winners who are playing for charity. At this point NBC’s ratings might be considered the charity.

    ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: I only mention THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER because everyone forgets AMY’s birthday, which was the plot of SIXTEEN CANDLES and MOLLY RINGWALD plays AMY’s mom on this show. That is all.

    LIFETIME – 9:00 PM: I only mention BOND OF SILENCE because GREG GRUNBERG is once again playing a police office and this time he has no special mind-reading abilities like he did on the aforementioned HEROES.

    MTV – 10:00 PM: It’s the season finale of THE HARD TIMES OF RJ BERGER but don’t worry folks, he’s been renewed for another season.

    TUESDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: I only mention WIPEOUT tonight because it’s not every day you get to write, “Are the Wipeout Weenies going to replace the Big Balls tonight?”

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Tonight’s GLEE-peat is SECTIONALS, which was originally supposed to serve as the first season finale before the the show blew up. It served that purpose very well and I’m probably going to watch it again out of respect.

    SYFY – 9:00 PM: The WAREHOUSE 13 agents try to have a relaxing weekend but wouldn’t you know it, one of those pesky artifacts get in the way. This is almost as surprising as well GILLIGAN and the castaways almost get off the island and something keeps them stuck there at the last minute.

    WEDNESDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: Tonight on BIG BROTHER the veto competition is held and this is one of the ones where the House Guests must suffer to win. Tune in with me and enjoy their pain.

    E! – 8:00 PM: I still haven’t seen the cable edited version of KNOCKED UP yet. Probably not going to tonight as well.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: It’s another painfully barren night of programming so I’m recommending a repeat of MODERN FAMILY simply because even at its worst it’s better than most (and this episode is great).

    BET 9:00 PM: Grab your only friend, Abba Zabba, and watch HALF BAKED when it’s on cable for free.

    THURSDAY

    USA – 6:00 AM: If you love BURN NOTICE and don’t have to work today then you are in luck. An all day marathon kicks off with the last few shows of last season at 6 AM with the current season starting at 10:00 AM. All of this leads up to the season finale at 9:00 PM.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Tonight’s episode of COMMUNITY is one of the shining examples of why this was one of my new favorite shows of last season.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: Fans of BIG BROTHER will revel in tonight’s double eviction as they play out an entire week of the show’s eviction process in one night. The best part is that the House Guests have no idea that it’s coming.

    DISNEY – 9:00 PM: Did I say something about super-hero families? How about gathering up the family for tonight’s airing of THE INCREDIBLES?

    FRIDAY

    SYFY – 9:00 PM: Other then tonight’s episode of EUREKA tonight’s schedule is a house of horrors. Don’t believe me? Let me demonstrate.

    FUSE – 8:00 PM: The painful and horrific GLITTER staring Mariah Carey.

    AMC – 8:00 PM: STEVEN SEAGAL’s scarily acted OUT FOR JUSTICE.

    TNT – 8:00 PM: The bloody train-wreck that is the ADAM SANDLER’s remake of THE LONGEST YARD.

    USA – 8:30 PM: The horribly unfunny WELCOME HOME ROSCOE JENKINS.

    FX – 10:00 PM: The terrifyingly bad MY SUPER EX-GIRLFRIEND.

    At this point I’m writing off Friday folks.

    SATURDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: If you can stomach it for two hours NBC promises that tonight all will be revealed in what is sure to be the series finale of PERSONS UNKNOWN.

    BBCA – 9:00 PM: ANNIE helps a psychic speak to the dead in tonight’s episode of BEING HUMAN.

    SUNDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Schedule dominance is probably a shoe in tonight for NBC with the 62ND PRIME TIME EMMY AWARDS.

    ANIMAL PLANET – 9:00 PM: Speaking of award shows, remember when THE COVE won the Oscar and they cut away because one of the producers held up a sign? Well, you can watch the award winning documentary tonight.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: The Eviction Nomination ceremony on tonight’s BIG BROTHER won’t stand a chance against the EMMY’s I’m sure.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: The Alphabet Network is really hoping you’d rather watch DANIEL CRAIG as JAMES BOND in CASINO ROYALE instead of that silly award show.

  • TV Or Not TV: 8/16 – 8/22

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    After last year’s season finale of WEEDS I was both concerned and excited for the return of the show for another season. With the sheer force of a cricket mallet it would have been near criminal for the show not to return but where it goes could be a crime as well.

    When WEEDS first came out the show was interesting and compelling. Seeing widowed NANCY BOTWIN trying to deal with the recent loss of her husband and turning to the sale of marijuana to make ends meet was a fascinating dynamic. Seeing this struggling now single mother with two young boys and trying to appear to have a normal life in the face of the difficulties of being a small time drug dealer played out really well and kept you coming back week after week. This all came to a head, however, in the end of the third season when the suburban community went up in flames and the show changed forever.

    When you look at the show as a whole the hardest part to deal with, for me, is the way that NANCY has chosen to live her life and repeatedly makes the wrong decisions. In many ways, as a viewer and a parent, it is frustrating to see her constantly jeopardize the lives of her family and friends. I suppose, however, that NANCY keeps making these bad decisions because she’s always been able to get herself out of trouble and hasn’t really suffered any serious consequences yet, even though last season certainly provided the strongest examples of near sever consequences. Maybe when the show reaches its conclusion we’ll see the consequences play out completely.

    In the sixth season opener we get the tying up of the stories that were put into play in the season finale as it picks up right from there. We get to see ALANIS MORISSETTE at least one more time and we also see the BOTWIN’s band together after parting ways. When I viewed the first episode I actually hadn’t seen the season six trailer available at the official SHOWTIME website but it didn’t take seeing the trailer to tell that they were once again trying to set the series up for another change. I don’t know if this is because the show’s creative team feel the Ren Mar/Mexico story line has played out or not but I’m more than happy for another change. Whatever the change is, however, they had better get DOUG and DEAN back in to the mix as well since these characters help provide a lot of comic relief that can be needed in NANCY’s world where the story can get pretty dark at any moment.

    If you have SHOWTIME than you’ll be able to enjoy the season premiere of WEEDS at 10:00 PM on Monday, August 16th.

    I have to admit that right now TV is so bleak I’m only willing to put the effort into telling you one thing each day that might be worth watching (or definitely avoiding). I may make an exception or two but here’s what I’ve got folks.

    MONDAY

    SHO – 10:00 PM: In case you didn’t notice above I think WEEDS is still worth the watch.

    TUESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: I looked and I looked. Seriously, it’s a crap night of television. Two hours of GLEE repeats really are the best I can find to offer until WAREHOUSE 13 comes on SYFY later.

    WEDNESDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: OK, only people that actually watch BIG BROTHER will care about tonight because a certain annoying girl from Vegas gets back in the House and we’ll probably see it tonight.

    FOOD – 8:00 PM: OK, having never been to one of those LA food trucks I might consider watching tonight’s THE GREAT FOOD TRUCK RACE.

    THURSDAY

    FOOD – 8:00 PM: Who’s birght idea was it to give one of those TV animal experts a cooking show? I don’t know how EXTREME CUISINE WITH JEFF CORWIN couldn’t be kind of creepy or gross since he’s usually telling us why the animals are cool instead of delicious.

    FRIDAY

    SYFY – 9:00 PM: There were only two real choices for viewing tonight and since I couldn’t stand the constantly shirtless Mathew MacConaughey in FOOL’S GOLD on TBS I have to go with my current Friday Night favorite: EUREKA.

    IFC – 10:00 PM: If you’ve been waiting for something new from THE KIDS IN THE HALL then tonight is your night as their new miniseries THE KIDS IN THE HALL:DEATH COMES TO TOWN premieres.

    SATURDAY

    SYFY – 9:00 PM: LAKE PLACID 3 airs tonight. I wasn’t even aware there was a LAKE PLACID 2. With it being on SYFY though we just know it has to be a quality film.

    BBC AMERICA – 9:00 PM: Having already seen the entire second season of BEING HUMAN I have to tell you now that if you haven’t watched the show get your hands on the first season and get caught up some how. The final episode of this season is a humdinger.

    SUNDAY

    DISC – 9:00 PM: That’s it, I’m throwing in the towel. After I watch BIG BROTHER on CBS at 8:00 PM I’ll be watching a MYTHBUSTERS repeat until TRUE BLOOD is on. Man TV sucks right now!

  • TV Or Not TV: 7/26 – 8/1

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    If there are those of yout hat have been waiting for a time where I sit down to write this column and finally stop talking about DOCTOR WHO than I’ve got some really good news for you: next week will finally be that column. This week, however, I’m still bubbling over having re-lived THE BIG BANG and just dying to speak about it in full now that it has finally aired in here in the US of A.

    Unlike season finale’s of the past this whacky bit of timey-whimey goodness did something that I wasn’t expecting at all in becoming a fairy tale by the episode’s end. It kicked off rather fast paced from the moment that young AMELIA gets up from praying to Santa and doesn’t really stop until we finally learn how the DOCTOR plans on un-doing the event that caused all of reality to cease to exist.

    The structure of the episode was executed in a near perfect fashion by ensuring that it provided payoff to it’s core audience first. After the initial set up where we learn that the Earth is still there and the sky has no stars the timey-whimey bit kicks in with secret messages left for AMELIA POND that lead to the big reveal that inside the PANDORICA is none other than her older self. Then we see RORY cradling the recently killed AMY for a few ticks before the DOCTOR pops in, wielding a broom in one hand and a fez on his head, giving RORY his sonic screwdriver to free him from the PANDORICA. See? Time travel goodness handed off in a bit of mind-bending sci-fi for the audience to revel in. This bit is very important because what happens next is nothing but pure romance.

    There were two moments last week where I wrote that the performance of ARTHUR DARVILL as RORY really endeared me to the character. The first is when the now self-aware Nestene duplicate RORY decides not to join the DOCTOR in his jump to the future to stay behind and guard the Pandorica to ensure AMY will be kept safe. He does so knowing that any damage to himself will be permanent, he will never sleep the whole time and he’s got 2000 years to act as her protector. The impact of this is then revealed as AMY watches the museum description of the iconic soldier that guarded the Pandorica through the ages, the ultimate act of love. This moment is only overshadowed by the reunion of the two minutes later when it’s revealed RORY is now a guard at the museum housing the Pandorica. Both of these moments are greater than any the actor was asked to do before on the show and he did so with believable emotion and dedication.

    The near perfect structure once again turns back when we finally see the other side of all the time jumping bits from the beginning from the other perspective. This amusing bit plays out very well but comes with it a very heavy hand when after all is said and done the DOCTOR from 12 minutes in the future comes back to deliver a message to himself prior to appearing to die. On they go to disover the sun for this Earth is actually the burning and exploding TARDIS, that also has RIVER SONG trapped in a safety time loop. The DOCTOR pops in to save her and after she, with AMY’s help, destroys the fez we see how the DOCTOR becomes injured before popping back in time 12 minutes. Solid sci-fi, right?

    After ALEX KINGSTON as RIVER SONG faces down a DALEK (and fanboys around the world squee in delight) we begin to move into the hands down two best performances that MATT SMITH has given all season. The first is as he’s seated in the PANDORICA, preparing to fly it into the exploding TARDIS to save all of reality (again). This wounded and weary DOCTOR asks to speak to AMY prior to take off and MATT SMITH, for such a young actor, taps into something ancient and wise beyond his years. He suddenly transforms himself into a grandfather like character in tone and he really sells it.

    After his plan to save reality works we see the DOCTOR going backwards on his own time line as his existence is being undone. He quickly discovers that AMY, having grown up by one of these cracks, has the ability to hear him but not see him. This leads to that moment I wrote wondering about weeks ago from FLESH AND STONE where he is once again in his jacket when he should be jacket-less and he tells AMY the importance of remembering what he told her when she was seven. The very next scene leads us to what it was he told her, which is a wonderful tale of a man who seems to be accepting his fate and he speaks of himself and the life he’s lived to a sleeping AMELIA POND before he walks into the crack and saves everything (again).

    The moment the DOCTOR started going back on his timeline the story quietly transitioned to that fairy tale I was talking about. The wonderful speaches lead to AMY waking up to a world where
    her entire family and life was restored in ways we hadn’t even know it was fractured by the crack’s in time/space. As we see her wedding day events transpire and we slowly discover that the DOCTOR wasn’t being reflective at all on his life but he was in fact planting himself into AMY’s mind to try to bring himself back. “Nothing’s ever forgotten, not really,” the DOCTOR had said before and once remembered it can be brought back. The DOCTOR chose his words carefully so that the TARDIS becomes the “something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blew” for AMY and her memory and belief in the DOCTOR, much like the clapping for Tinkerbell, brings him back. This revelation could have potentially been one of the hokier scenes of the show however KAREN GILLAN as AMY delivers her lines with such conviction and emotion that belief, for me, gets completely suspended and a near eye-watering moment occurs.

    As I also wrote about last week there were hints of what is to come next season. RIVER tells the DOCTOR that very soon he will know who she is and she’s sorry because that’s when everything changes. That’s a pretty good indicator that she’ll be back next season. The DOCTOR himself even mentions how the SILENCE or whatever it was that took control of the TARDIS is still out there. Could this be what next year’s arc story will be (and will we find out why the voice that said “SILENCE WILL FALL” sounded so much like DAVROS)? All really good questions that we won’d find out for another nine or 10 month’s I’m sure but we do at least have a Christmas special to look forward too!

    Now that we’ve gotten down to my final WHAT on WHO let’s find out what what I’ll say to watch this week, shall we?

    MONDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: A bunch of guys clearly don’t know the man code as they talk all about how they were rejected on THE BACHELORETTE: THE MEN TELL ALL.

    NBC – 9:00 PM: With less finalists on tonight’s LAST COMIC STANDING maybe the laugh-to-minute ratio will be back on track tonight.

    HBO – 9:00 PM: Considering how much I was destroyed by what I saw in THE BLIND SIDE the harsh reality depicted in the documentary HOMELESS: MOTEL KIDS OF ORANGE COUNTY.

    ABC – 10:00 PM: What, two hours of whining dudes not enough for you? Go behind the scenes of all the BACHELOR/ETTE stuff in tonight’s 20/20 SPECIAL: BEHIND THE ROSE.

    TUESDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Having seen not a single frame yet I have to wonder how much of BREAKTHROUGH WITH TONY ROBBINS will be life changing and how much will ask me to buy his life changing program (again).

    DISC – 9:00 PM: While still coping with the loss of CAPTAIN PHIL the DEADLIEST CATCH crew has to deal with a stormy and difficult Bergin Sea in tonight’s season finale.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: CHEF GORDON RAMSAY continues his televised take-over with tonight’s premiere of his new show MASTER CHEF.

    A&E – 10:00 PM: Hoping for some FAMILY JEWELS magic A&E follows the family of former TWISTED SISTER front man DEE SNIDER in GROWING UP TWISTED. Will we like it or are we not going to take it?

    DISC – 10:00 PM: There’s reality TV and then there’s REALITY TV when it comes to THE COLONY. It’s dirty, gritty, and there’s no creature comforts at all. I love it.

    WEDNESDAY

    THE CW – 9:00 PM: The CW premieres their make-over/dating help show titled PLAIN JANE.

    ANIMAL PLANET – 9:00 PM: You know there really is a building hoarding problem in America when a show like ANIMAL HOARDERS is even possible. Tonight’s episode features a husband finally putting his foot down with his wife’s 87 dogs. Yeah, 87.

    THURSDAY

    ABC – 11:00 AM: I don’t watch THE VIEW but I’d love to tune in today to see ELISABETH HASSELBECK getting violently ill when PRESIDENT OBAMA is life in the studio.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: Will it be KATHY or ANDREW making the walk of shame out of the BIG BROTHER house tonight? Hopefully, after this, we’re one exit away from them trying to put someone previously booted back in the house.

    MTV – 10:00 PM: That sound you are hearing are the embarrassed groans of millions of NEW JERSEY natives as by tonight’s return of JERSEY SHORE.

    FRIDAY

    TLC – 8:00 PM: A three episode mini-marathon of SAY YES TO THE DRESS leads up to the 9:30 premiere of the newest annex SAY YES TO THE DRESS:ATLANTA.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: Seems WIFE SWAP is really scraping the bottom of the barrel as one wife is dedicated to helping her son’s hip-hop career where as the other is a neglectful step-mom that would rather hunt the elusive Swamp Ape in Florida. Yes, you read that right.

    SATURDAY

    ABC FAMILY – 12:30 PM: First there’s all three BACK TO THE FUTURE movies and they’re followed up by GREASE and GREASE 2? Oh man, if the channel didn’t have commercials I’d have no reason to move.

    USA – 1:00 PM: OK, so DOC BROWN isn’t up your alley? How about all three PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN movies?

    FX – 2:00 PM: WOW! This Saturday is MARATHON-TASTIC! How about five hours of the FOX summer show THE GOOD GUYS?

    NBC – 8:00 PM: This week’s winner of the “I stopped giving a crap” award goes to PERSONS UNKNOWN.

    SYFY – 9:00 PM: This week’s most obvious rip-off of an INDIANA JONES movie award goes to JACK HUNTER: THE LOST TREASURE OF UGARIT.

    SUNDAY

    FOX – 7:00 PM: I enjoyed the pilot but the swiftness that FOX ushered TYLER LABINE‘s show SONS OF TUCSON off the air made me miss most of the rest of the run. Tonight they limply air the series finale.

    AMC – 8:00 PM: I’ve heard so much about RUBICON that I have to tune in even if I don’t want to.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: It’s that time of the week again where we find out who the new HoH puts up on the chopping block on BIG BROTHER. Hopefully it will be RACHEL because I just can’t stand people that yell talk at the camera.

    AMC – 10:00 PM: With the new agency landing a big client it’s time for a party on MAD MEN.

  • TV Or Not TV: Summer Heat?

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    With the summer days completely underway I have to admit that writing a column about all the television out there that I am not actually watching is a bit of a stretch. Rather than put out a disingenuous column I’d rather write this week about the things that I actually have been watching (or plan to). I hope you don’t mind bearing with me during this interlude before the return of my regular prattle and daily TV bread down.

    Big Brother’s Back
    Every year I have a guilty pleasure during the summer season and it is CBS’s BIG BROTHER. It isn’t because the TV show is creative and done well, it isn’t for the blatant attempts that they do to make the players on the show (known as HOUSE GUESTS) visually appealing, and it isn’t for the diversity they also decide to plunk into the house to drum up friction. I simply love watching the show to see the way that regular social graces and group dynamics break down so quickly.

    If you aren’t aware of the concept of BIG BROTHER in its US incarnation the idea is very simple: a sound stage is turned into a house, complete with an outdoor backyard, where there are over 50 cameras and microphones following around a group of contestants as they try to make it through SURVIVOR like internal voting eliminations while also competing for the things we take for granted every day: hot water, food, etc. Throughout all of this the House is not allowed any contact with the outside world. For 75 days this micro-community is all there is for these people and usually this means that they all go a little nuts.

    The producers of the show also know exactly what to do in order to create artificial drama or on-camera romance in order to fill time with the three weekly airings of the show: the provide plenty of alcohol to the HOUSE GUESTS. This helps lubricate arguments, conflict and romance. It helps increase paranoia, bad choices and helps the HOUSE GUESTS to blunder things up.

    This early on, with the show just starting, it’s very always very hard for me to get into the show because with 13 people living in a house at the same time it is hard for me to get all of these people straight. Each year they’ve tried to do something in the very beginning to help avoid this problem (at least for me) by introducing an early twist or idea. One season it was that the house was stocked with people and their ex-boyfriend/girlfriends. Another season they had twins playing secretly as one person (trading places in the special confessional/interview area known as THE DIARY ROOM), and another season they had people secretly playing as partners (each thinking they were the only ones). One of the better gimicss was the use of AMERICA’S PLAYER, a person that was playing to win but also had to do the things that we, the home viewer, voted for them to do. They would have to vote how we wanted them to vote, do stunts we told them to do which brought a new level of interactivity to the viewing experience.

    Seeing as how this is the 12th season of BIG BROTHER, however, I think the idea well is running a little dry because they’ve flat out lifted a concept straight out of another reality show by putting THE MOLE into the house, only BIG BROTHER calls this person THE SABOTEUR. The SABOTEUR has one goal in the show: undermine the other players and get to the half-way point without being discovered for a clean $50,000. Considering BIG BROTHER only has two winners and second place gets you the same amount as the SABOTEUR will win it’s a pretty solid plan considering the odds of winning are only two in 13.

    In an early smart move the show hasn’t revealed to us, the audience, who this SABOTEUR is. In an early dumb move they are going to reveal the person during this Thursday’s live eviction show. I say this is a dumb move because I enjoy not knowing who the SABOTEUR is and would rather enjoy their undermining antics while trying to determine who they are. This puts me in the same frame of mind as the HOUSE GUESTS and allows me to experience a bit of what they are going through first hand. Instead we’ll just be seeing them play out their antics much in the same way we already have from watching AMERICA’S PLAYER do their dirty work.

    If you are interested in watching BIG BROTHER you can catch it on CBS weekly on Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday at 8 PM.

    Are you PSYCH’d
    Summer always brings plenty of original programming on the USA NETWORK and July is no exception with the premiere of PSYCH this Wednesday, July 14 @ 10/9c. PSYCH is one of those shows that I enjoy watching every season solely for the performances of JAMES RODAY and DULE HILL. Their characters are entertainingly written, well performed and the actors portray an excellent chemistry. The one thing that is disappointing for me when it comes to PSYCH, however, is how far the show has really stretched away from its original concept.

    The original PILOT of PSYCH had JAMES RODAY’s SHAWN SPENCER having an incredibly well crafted and honed sense of perception who picked up on finer details that others would overlook that was matched with a very good deductive reasoning (if you saw the recent SHERLOCK HOLMES movie you know exactly what I’m talking about). The first few episodes of the first season were able to carry this concept but near the end of that initial run it began to erode. Now there are very few things that I feel like SHAWN observes that anyone else could pick up on, very few deductions made that anyone else couldn’t also come to. Considering I keep watching you can tell that this change hasn’t pushed me away.

    … and finally, EUREKA (and others)
    Even though the baffling name change happened the majority of the programming on SYFY really hasn’t. This past week on the network we saw the premieres of WAREHOUSE 13, EUREKA and the new show HAVEN. Of the three my favorite has to be EUREKA. The show is just silly science fiction fun set in the fictional town of Eureka, OR where a secretly funded brain trust of scientists push the boundaries of what we know in the name of progress.

    The show, now in it’s fourth season, has had an interesting evolution and it’s once again played with time travel. At the end of the first season, a glimpse into the future five years from where the show started, had SHERIFF JOHN CARTER had to travel back in time to the present in order to undo someone else’s meddling. In doing so he undid the very future we saw, something that I’ve been wondering if they would ever come back to. This season opener didn’t exactly take us back there but instead displaced many characters back to the 1940’s. In getting back, just as they always do, they inadvertently brought back one of the town founders, played by BATTLESTAR GALACTICA’s JAMES CALLIS (BALTAR) and now things are different. I’m hoping the changes won’t be permanent and will instead just be a plot line that plays across a few episodes. Seeing as how JAMES CALLIS is a brilliant actor I’m hoping he’ll be the one thing that they are able to keep around for a while.

    That’s it for this column. Come back next week and I’m sure I’ll have a mouthful of other things to say as well as some of the listings all of you (hopefully) enjoy.

  • TV Or Not TV: 6/28 – 7/4

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    Welcome to another edition of TV or Not TV where I feel like summer is now actually here.

    In general I have nothing against the Summer Solstice. It serves a purpose, it’s there for a reason, but it never really feels to me like the start of summer. Yes the temperature is warmer, the daylight sticks around longer, but it takes the American tradition and holiday of the 4th of July to really make me get in the mood. Family is together, the nation is on break, and there is the time honored tradition of TV marathon’s being put on because the network’s know that no one will really be watching.

    Some network’s this 4th of July are getting creative and others just can’t get unstuck from their rut. SPIKE is once again rolling out the all STAR WARS marathon starting with PHANTOM MENACE and playing all the way through RETURN OF THE JEDI starting at 9 AM. I suppose I can’t blame them since they probably payed a pretty penny for the airing rights. It would still be nice, however, to see the network for “men” put on something other than the tragic train wreck that are the prequels before putting on what an entire generation knows as the true START WARS trilogy.

    FX steps up to the marathon plate with a super hero themed bonanza. At 8 AM they roll out BATMAN BEGINS, followed by FANTASTIC FOUR, FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER, X-MEN: THE LAST STAND and SPIDER-MAN 3. It’s too bad that out of all of those movies the only one really worth watching is BATMAN BEGINS. They are rolling out a pretty nice theme but the implementation is lackluster at best.

    BBC AMERICA kicks off an 8 hour STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION marathon at 9:00 AM E/ 6:00 AM P (check your local listing to be sure). ST:TNG being on BBC AMERICA is one of those things that’s kind of confused me but 8 hours of Next Gen is definitely better than anything else mentioned. Be sure to check out the fifth of the eight hours as it features the omnipotent Q sending Picard and crew into a ROBIN HOOD adventure if for no other reason than seeing WORF as a Merry Man.

    DISCOVERY CHANNEL is rolling out 15 straight hours of DEADLIEST CATCH starting at 11:00 AM.

    At 2:00 PM TBS kicks into sophmoric hijinx overdrive with THE RINGER followed by SCHOOL OF ROCK, ANCHORMAN: THE LEGEND OF RON BURGANDY and STARSKY & HUTCH. This isn’t exactly an Oscar nominated line up but considering the greater population might be watching inebriated I can understand the programming logic.

    Hands down my favorite marathon of the day, however, has to go to the ENCORE channel. An all JAWS marathon kicks off at 12:30 PM starting with the original and it’s three completely inadequate sequels. Of all the marathons this one makes the most sense to me if for no other reason than the exscuse to air the original JAWS. When JAWS came out it was the start of the big summer blockbuster release. It was the first film to have used the “wide release” concept, it was the first to use targeted TV ad campaigns, and it marked the beginning of the summer movie release tradition. Most importantly, however, JAWS took the concept of the summer beach vacation, turned it on its ear and made it something terrifying. Whether it’s suspense was made creatively, budgetarily, or because the damned mechanical shark wouldn’t work doesn’t really matter because the final film works. As a boy it made me afraid of the water and as a grown man it makes me want to tune in and watch a classic I haven’t watched in at least 20 years (and I still can’t believe there are things that I haven’t seen again in 20 years).

    So there you have it folks, a gathering of television that is and isn’t worth watching if you decide to stay in for the big summer holiday. Let’s now take a look at everything else that leads up to it.

    MONDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: It’s the first round of the semifinals on LAST COMIC STANDING. I’ve actually chuckled in the first few hours of the show so I’ll be tuning in.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: Tonight’s episode of THE GOOD GUYS features Dan being determined to solve a crime with the $3.52 he has in his pocket instead of using department resources. He must not be driving since that would hardly cover over a gallon of gas these days.

    A&E – 9:00 PM: It’s an all new season of INTERVENTION and tonight features the touching story of a mother and son who both have drinking problems. It’s nice when kids still stay involved in their parent’s lives, isn’t it?

    TUESDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: World Cup Fever takes over WIPEOUT as people now have to face falling on and dodging the Big Soccer Balls. Here’s hoping they also have to endure the Vuvuzela Tunnel of Doom.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: If you haven’t been watching LOSING IT WITH JILLIAN MICHAELS you might want to give it a go to see the positive effects she actually has on these people’s lives. You could also be like me and mock the clearly staged ending sequences that close each episode.

    BRAVO – 10:00 PM: Tonight on KATHY GRIFFIN: MY LIFE ON THE D-LIST we see KATHY take on the snow covered majesty of ALASKA after booking a gig up there. If seeing KATHY with LEVI JOHNSTON isn’t enough how about the suspsense of her going up to SARAH PALIN‘s front door?

    NBC – 10:00 PM: The results of Monday’s semi-finals are played out on an episode of LAST COMIC STANDING I almost wasn’t aware of. Great scheduling NBC!

    FX – 10:00 PM: RESCUE ME returns! ‘Nuff said.

    WEDNESDAY

    ANIMAL PLANET – 7:00 PM: Speaking of marathons you may not want to watch the four hour mini-marathon of MONSTERS INSIDE ME. It may put you off of Sunday’s BBQ.

    IFC – 8:00 PM: HEATHERS was more than just a movie to the people I went through my teens with, it was an obsession.

    HBO – 8:00 PM: If you’ve been busy for the past three weekends and want to watch all three episodes so far of TRUE BLOOD‘s new season then tonight is your night.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Two more hours of AMERICA’S GOT TALENT? Does NBC have any other shows on right now? For three nights now it’s been the same crap over and over!

    COMEDY CENTRAL – 9:00 PM: Miss the premiere of the new season of FUTURAMA? Set your DVR to get half-caught up tonight before tomorrow’s all new episodes.

    THURSDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Tonight’s GLEE-peat is the episode marking the first guest-starring stint of Broadway darling KRISTIN CHENOWETH.

    AMC – 8:00 PM: Get lost in a cinema period where men were men with three JOHN WAYNE classics back to back: HONDO, RIO BRAVO and THE WAR WAGON.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: Get lost in the tranwreck of human dignity where men aren’t men in another episode this week of WIPEOUT.

    COMEDY CENTRAL – 9:30 PM: Want to get caught up on the other half of the FUTURAMA premiere you missed last week? This one will lead you into the other two new episodes tonight at 10 and 10:30.

    FRIDAY

    USA – 6:00 AM: Turns out USA NETWORK is kicking off the marathon party right with 22 hours straight of ROYAL PAINS.

    CNBC – 8:00 PM: The excess of the greed driven 80’s is personified in the incredible film WALL STREET. It almost makes me weep that a sequel is being made.

    TBS – 9:00 PM: I’ve never seen the network television version of HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE. I might have to see it tonight just to laugh… and how bad the edit probably is.

    SATURDAY

    BBC AMERICA – 8:00 PM: Part of me was angry that BBC AMERICA wasn’t airing a new episode of DOCTOR WHO tonight but the fact that they are airing THE TIME OF ANGELS and FLESH AND STONE back-to-back almost makes up for it.

    HALLMARK – 8:00 PM: The title says it all folks: DOLLY CELEBRATES 25 YEARS OF DOLLYWOOD. It’s OK, a few other people are actually celebrating with her too.

    SUNDAY

    All that stuff up above wasn’t enough huh? OK….

    PBS – 8:00 PM: Kick off your night of televised 4th relexation with the A CAPITOL FOURTH concert hosted by JIMMY SMITS.

    NBC – 9:00 PM: Keep the holiday going with THE MACY’S 4th of JULY FIREWORKS SPECTACTULAR from New York.

    CBS – 10:00 PM: Wrap it all up with THE BOSTON POPS FIREWORKS SPECTACULAR hosted by CRAIG FERGUSON.

  • TV Or Not TV: 6/7 – 6/13

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    Kate Plus Wait
    It isn’t every day that I come to this column willing to admit something that would seem to get me shunned in the real world. Today I’m doing just that because I have to admit that I was always a fan of JON & KATE Plus Eight. Please, whatever you do, don’t let that get in the way of reading my column.

    Now that I’ve admitted this to you I feel a little better in the admission of having watched the special KATE PLUS EIGHT event that happened this Sunday night. Even though it was advertised by TLC as somewhat of a return they also, at no time, admitted that this two hours of back-to-back showings of KATE PLUS EIGHT were just that, two hours that won’t be a regular occurrence. It was just a sampling of what is to come. This sampling might not have been too bad either if it weren’t for the fact that both episodes were completely wreaking of PR spin.

    I don’t think that anyone is under the illusion that there is 100% pure reality in the beast that is reality television. Footage is show, reviewed, and then it is edited to allow for a story to be told depending on what story they want to have told. These first two hours had a very specific agenda that wanted to hit on very specific items. If you didn’t take the time to watch them (or if you are just here to enjoy a study in PR spin) allow me to break them down for you now.

    1) The children aren’t being exploited and they really enjoy doing the show.

    The first ten or fifteen minutes of the first hour were dedicated to the ceasing of taping for JON & KATE PLUS EIGHT as well as the reactions by the children, how they were sad about it. After that transition we see the surprise return of the camera crews, how the children love them and play with them, and we should all be comfortable with the fact that this show exists. The message was heavy handed, it didn’t serve much except for this one point.

    The second half of the first hour tried to also drive this point home by seeing how the family gets to enjoy certain perks from the fame like a trip to DISCOVERY KINGDOM for the sextuplets sixth birthday. This message probably could have just been overlooked as actually providing some cute kids seeing cute animals for lots of “ooohs” and “aaahs” except from a critical story telling error. One of the older twins, MADDY, has a melt down because the six younger kids are now getting their third birthday party. Yes, their third. Instead of a perk we’re suddenly reminded that what we are seeing is reality television that has been scheduled and planned out. This breaks the fourth wall a bit for someone like me and I suddenly step out of the experience and realize I’m watching a trumped up scenario created for the purpose of showing me the perks the kids get from production. I suppose the good news for TLC is that it worked because I got the message.

    2) Kate is a working single mom, just like so many other moms, but her employment is in the media so don’t hate her.

    This message was delivered a little bit in the first hour and heavily in the second hour. In the first hour KATE says after she was voted off DANCING WITH THE STARS she just fell right back into her mommy routine. Understandable, but isn’t it also what you are supposed to do KATE? The second hour, where we see a few behind the scene days with KATE where we see her grueling day of trying to train for her upcoming dance number, meet an obligation with the TLC network and suffering from exhaustion. Although informative it just wreaked of, “See how weary she is? Don’t hate her, feel sorry for her! She’s got 8 children and she’s running herself down just to provide for them!”

    Other than the heavy handed message I think the only disservice this second hour did was in showing a book signing that they really didn’t need to show. This made me have to guess that possibly there was some press around the LOS ANGELES book signing not having great turn out since they said during the show at least three times how it was ‘thrown together at the last minute.’ I haven’t bothered to explore if that’s right but based on the message they were sending out I’d venture to say that I might be.

    Putting aside my observations of the PR-centric nature of these episodes I have to admit that I still enjoyed both hours. My only wish is that the show was actually returning in full force instead of us just getting a few teaser episodes. Now that two hours have aired we have to wait for the next KATE PLUS EIGHT special that will be available JULY 11th.

    Now that we’ve gotten all the PLUS EIGHT ought of the way let’s see what else TV has to offer us.

    MONDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: It’s been a while since we last saw LIE TO ME so let’s hope these last final nine episodes pack a memorable punch.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: I’m not sure why but LAST COMIC STANDING is back. One redeemable quality is CRAIG ROBINSON being brought in as the show host which is reason enough for me to give it a shot.

    ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: After this many seasons is there really any secret left in THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER?

    FOX – 9:00 PM: Since the special sneak peak of THE GOOD GUYS I’ve been jonesing to know if they can keep the magic of that first show going. Tonight I’ll have my answer.

    NBC – 10:00 PM: PERSONS UNKNOWN seems on the surface to have elements of the classic THE PRISONER show with people abducted and dumped into a TV where they are monitored via closed circuit television. It’s created by one of the minds behind THE USUAL SUSPECTS so it has a pedigree that warrants at least an episode or two of exploration.

    TUESDAY

    ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: I don’t think you could pay me to watch PRETTY LITTLE LIARS but it might be a good form of torture.

    A&E – 8:00 PM: Want to feel better about your life? Watch a few hours of BILLY THE EXTERMINATOR and unless you’re actually on the show you’ll feel like you’re on top of the world.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: I’d probably be more on the edge of my seat for the season finale of GLEE with the NEW DIRECTIONS getting to the make it or break it performance at Regionals but the show has been picked up for two more seasons already.

    BRAVO – 10:oo PM: KATHY GRIFFIN DOES THE BIBLE BELT may sound like an adult movie but instead it’s the bridge burning spitfire tackles the A-listers during this taped Tennessee performance.

    FX – 10:00 PM: OK, KATHY GRIFFIN not butch enough for you? You’ll want to catch the season finale of JUSTIFIED in that case.

    NBC – 10:00 PM: After last week’s premiere of LOSING IT WITH JILLIAN MICHAELS did so well at 10 they decided to keep it here instead of at 8 like they said last week. Just a heads up.

    WEDNESDAY

    CMT – 8:00 PM: Sometimes the things I type even make me do a double take. Here’s one example: THE CMT MUSIC AWARDS hosted by KID ROCK. Yeah, I know… right?

    TLC – 9:00 PM: Enjoy another mind-numbing season of I DIDN’T NOW I WAS PREGNANT as it kicks off tonight.

    ABC – 10:00 PM: Wait, HAPPY TOWN is still on the air? Whoah, didn’t know that.

    THURDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: No, the schedule is not playing tricks on you. GLEE moves over to Thursday nights for repeats this summer. Squirm uncomfortably with me during the duet of ENDLESS LOVE sung by WILL and RACHEL.

    SHO – 10:00 PM: It’s the return of PENN & TELLER BULLS$!T! tonight as the two take on the American splendor of the CHEERLEADING.

    USA – 10:00 PM: It’s been FAR too long that we’ve waited for the return of ROYAL PAINS and this week we find out HANK and EVAN’s father is none other than HENRY WINKLER. Last time this guy was near sand wasn’t he jumping a shark? Hmmmmm.

    BRAVO – 10:00 PM: REAL HOUSWIFE NYC alum BETHENNY moves into her own show titled BETHENNY GETTING MARRIED? Yeah, I’m not watching it either.

    FRIDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: The Alphabet Network brings us the 2010 FIFA WORLD CUP KICK-OFF CELEBRATION CONCERT.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Hey, remember that show PAST LIFE that nobody watched! Great news nobody, it’s back!

    SYFY – 9:00 PM: It’s the end of the somewhat unbalanced season for STARGATE UNIVERSE.

    SATURDAY

    ABC FAMILY – 3:00 PM: Want to go back-to-back-to-back with all of the BACK TO THE FUTURE movies? Here’s your chance.

    DISNEY – 7:00 PM: If you don’t already own them on home video than you can get ready for TOY STORY 3 with tonight’s back-to-back airing of TOY STORY and TOY STORY 2.

    SYFY – 9:00 PM: With a title like STONEHENGE APOCALYPSE you’d think it was a high quality TV movie, right? Too bad the movie wasn’t aware it was a parody.

    SUNDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: Tonight THE 64TH ANNUAL TONY AWARDS is the show most networks are not even trying to compete against.

    HBO – 9:00 PM: I won’t be watching the TONY’s at all tonight because I’m all about the premier of TRUE BLOOD.

    AMC – 10:00 PM: JESSE is on the run and WALT tries to negotiate a deal for their safety on the season finale of BREAKING BAD. Perfect for post TRUE BLOOD viewing.


  • TV Or Not TV: 5/17 – 5/23

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    Well TV viewer, it’s been a crazy week.

    I’m going to preface this column by saying that as I sit here typing I am sick. I’m the miserable kind of sick that leaves you run down, your head filled with cotton, your sinuses on fire and all you want to do is crawl into the fetal position and welcome the blissful escape of sleep to help you in time-warping beyond your misery. Other than that though, I’m great. I’m also not much in the writing mood so here’s what I got out of the past seven days (and what I know of the few days to come).

    NBC has finally and mercifully laid HEROES to rest. I’m glad because the show has been the biggest mess since the second season. They’ve also killed off just about every freshman show for this TV season. When the new TV season hits they’ve got plenty of couple-centric comedy, adrenaline pumping action and even a new super hero show to try to keep some of their HEROES audience. I won’t bore you with the details, however. I’ll instead just give you a link to the site where they have trailers for all of their upcoming shows that make just about every one of the shows seem like they are going to be great because that’s what trailers do. The only bit of depressing news that I can come away from all of this is that FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS features FRAN KRANZ in the trailer and he isn’t going to be a series regular. That’s a damn shame since the role seemed perfect for him and I loved his performances on DOLLHOUSE.

    There’s going to be tons of more TV news this week with most of the networks doing their “upfronts” so keep an eye out because the info is out there.

    Now let’s get the listing done so I can go back to bed.

    MONDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: TED takes a date to a movie only to find out that it’s loosely based on his life in the season finale of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER. Wait until you find out who wrote the script.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: After tonight’s season finale of HOUSE the doctor will be out until next season.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: It’s the penultimate episode of CHUCK before next week’s two hour season finale and it also marks the return of SCOTT BAKULA so I know what I”ll be watching tonight (if the Nyquil hasn’t overpowered me by then).

    THE CW – 9:00 PM: I’ve not watched a single episode in my life but the season finale of GOSSIP GIRL is tonight.

    ABC – 10:00 PM: Is BECKETT‘s new relationship with DEMMING causing a strain in her relationship with CASTLE? Wait, we are talking about a murder mystery show and not GOSSIP GIRL right?

    TUESDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: It’s the last regular episode of THE BIGGEST LOSER before next week’s season finale. I’m impressed and amazed that these final four contestants will run a marathon and I complain after four miles.

    THE CW – 8:00 PM: 90210 has it’s season finale tonight and I can’t tell you a single thing about it.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: Here it is folks, the last regular episode of LOST before the big season finale. I’m not going to lie to you guys, the fit really hits the shan tonight.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: Tonight is that episode of GLEE I’ve been waiting for where JOSS WHEDON directs and NEIL PATRICK HARRIS guest stars. Oh yeah.

    ABC – 10:00 PM: It’s the season finale for V but those lucky lizards will be back for another season so don’t be mad if it is a cliffhanger.

    WEDNESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: FOX is taking a page from last year’s early preview of GLEE by giving us a special preview of the buddy cop show THE GOOD GUYS. The fact that BRADLEY WHITFORD‘s vet cop looks like he just stumbled out of an episode of STARSKY & HUTCH makes it worth the time to peep this out.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: KOBE BRYANT guests on tonights episode of MODERN FAMILY.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: Why does AMERICAN IDOL have to let JUSTIN BIEBER perform on tonight’s results show? Haven’t these contestants (and America) suffered enough?

    ABC – 9:30 PM: It’s the season finale of the poorly named but cleverly written COUGAR TOWN.

    THURSDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: It’s season finale night for the comedy block on NBC kicking off with tonight’s episode of COMMUNITY. The Peacock is really hoping you stick around for PARKS & RECREATION, THE OFFICE (with special guest KATHY BATES), and 30 ROCK (with special guest MATT DAMON) as well.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: It’s also season finale night on FOX with BONES and the second part of the FRINGE two-part season finale. FRINGE is worth viewing if for no other reason than this might be the final acting job that LEONARD NIMOY will perform before retirement.

    CBS – 9:00 PM: The DICK AND JANE killer returns on tonight’s episode of CSI.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: There are millions who will be tuned in to the GREY’S ANATOMY finale. I’m not one of them.

    FRIDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: It’s the night of spirit speaking finale’s on CBS with both THE GHOST WHISPERER and MEDIUM having their final shows of the season.

    TBS – 9:00 PM: Although not the greatest piece of cinema ever created it’s amazing to see how fast LINDSEY LOHAN has fallen from her career high point in the 2004 movie MEAN GIRLS.

    SATURDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: It’s almost the end of LOST so they’re rolling out the two hour first episode tonight to help us get ready for tomorrow’s mega-TV event.

    BBCA – 9:00 PM: After the last few moments of FLESH AND STONE I think the bachelor party scene at the beginning of tonight’s episode of DOCTOR WHO was a nice touch. The rest of the episode was just there for me but after a two episode Weeping Angels bit what do you expect?

    SUNDAY

    ABC – 7:00 PM: Tonight ABC is milking every single ratings point it can by getting the rabid fan base as soon as it can. LOST: THE FINAL JOURNEY takes a look at the show and it’s events as well as cast interviews to make sure we are in front of our TV’s at 9 PM tonight.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: THE SIMPSONS try to fight off the LOST finale by bringing in the all of the judges from this season of AMERICAN IDOL to voice their animated counterparts.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: CBS tries to fight the inevitable with country music with the two-hour special AMC PRESENTS: BROOKS & DUNN – THE LAST RODEO.

    NBC – 9:00 PM: Can THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE stand up and fight going head-to-head directly against the series finale of LOST? Bad news DONALD, I see a big DVR audience in your future tonight.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: This is is folks, after six years of television and some of the best story-telling on TV we’re about to see if I’ve wasted the past six years of my life watching this show in real time with the series finale of LOST. For all of the enjoyment that the show has brought me I’ve got no regrets. It is both a testimony to the audience and the show runners for actually arguing for a real end date for the show to do good by both.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: So a few months back FAMILY GUY put out a special direct-t0-video episode titled SOMETHING SOMETHING THE DARK SIDE that served as the second re-telling of the STAR WARS saga by PETER. Tonight if you didn’t buy it or rent it you can watch it for free if you don’t give a toss about LOST.

    ABC – 12:05 AM: Yes, technically this makes it a MONDAY show but this special JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE: ALOHA LOST is either going to serve as a fine tribute to the show or a consolation to all of the fans that feel like they were just betrayed by the finale. This will also feature a special segment with LOST executive producers CARLTON CUSE and DAMON LINDELOF that may contain their only comments in regards to the finale in the short term. I’ll be honest, I’m going to have to DVR this one. I’ve got work in the morning!

  • TV Or Not TV: 5/10 – 5/16

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    After recently spending some quiet ‘me’ time I was finally able to catch up on ABC’s floundering FLASHFORWARD. Since the show came back from its long winter break I’d only watched two episodes so I felt as though I hadn’t really given it all that much of a chance.

    When FLASHFORWARD premiered I really enjoyed the first few episodes and I thought the show had a lot of promise. The gimmick was good and in many ways the show really seemed like the heir apparent to the LOST throne. Some how though the show really lost its steam prior to taking the winter break. I’m not sure if that was from having us involved in too many stories, taking us in to many directions, or just a lack of cohesive thought in the writing process. Whatever it was I wasn’t the only one to pick up on these things because the show had a pretty big shake up in it’s creative team during the break.

    After coming back from the winter break the show seemed determined to really get down to business. They instantly established the fact that another world wide blackout may be coming (OH NO!) and the show gave us something we were missing prior to the break: real bad guys that the characters would eventually have to deal with. In taking a page from X-FILES and LOST they’ve kept the bad guys mysterious, made them seem real organized, and kept us virtually in the dark as to who they are and why they are doing what they are doing. It’s something that the show was really missing and it’s a welcome addition. The recent addition of James Callis to the cast as a secret flash forward experiment victim who has all kinds of possible futures locked up in his head is probably the one story line I want to see them follow because his performance is so opposite that of BALTAR from the re-imagined BATTLESTAR GALACTICA that it’s just brilliant.

    There are still some things that just don’t seem to work right and a few missed opportunities, if you were to ask me. The story of the kidnapped daughter in the middle east is one that I just don’t have a lot of interest in. The doctor with cancer who is waiting to find his Asian lady love? Yawn. Taking the hope that the futures we saw aren’t set in stone and making us question if it can really be possible? Predictable.  Having an episode air on April 29th and not have it co-incide with the show’s timeline of the day of the flash, also April 29th? Meta fail.

    All-in-all, however, I can really say with a degree of confidence that the show is actually worth the time to watch, especially in this latter half of the season. There is real momentum week to week and it really gives you a reason to watch instead of just making you watch to avoid missing some small detail that may be relevant later.

    SNL

    This past Saturday I think that SNL might actually be able to learn something from the Internet since the show featuring BETTY WHITE was probably the best episode of the entire 2009-2010 season. For the majority of this season watching SNL has been bitter-sweet as I’ve been looking for the ‘good sketch’ needle in a haystack of unfunny. I suppose even saying that it has just been this season is a bit of a stretch as well since the majority of last season was the same for me. Still, week after week, I DVR the show with the hopes that I push enough straw of funny out of the way to find that gleaming and sharp needle of funny that everyone is going to be talking about. All of that changed with BETTY WHITE.

    First and foremost BETTY WHITE has (literally) had a lifetime of experience to finely tune her comedic timing to the point where I believe it is second nature. Her finely tuned comedic timing coupled with her mature and maternal grandmother facade make her a one two punch that I think just about any writer would be hard pressed to NOT make her funny. With this show there were close calls, two awkward ones in my opinion, where the premise was pushing it or BETTY seemed slightly out of sorts but even in those instances you were more forgiving because BETTY WHITE’s presence is so powerful you just didn’t care.

    Another reason why I think that this episode of SNL was so good had to do with almost every major female cast member from the last 10 years returning for this special installment. I’m sure that this returning group has a certain affect in the writing room of the show that helped contribute to what, perceived by me, was a higher caliber of show quality. I also strongly suspect that this installment of the show had the benefit of lots of preparation in the way of writing being done well in advance instead of the usual writings as they go that I believe happens during regular production of the show. I only hope that there was something to be learned from the entire BETTY WHITE experiment and the forthcoming season finale with ALEC BALDWIN sends this season off in a good way.

    Now let’s see what TV holds for us this week.

    MONDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: CHRISTOPHER LLOYD drops in as a therapist to help CHUCK deal with his head. Hopefully he’s more Doc Brown than Jim Ignatowski (oh heck, I’d take a nice merge of both).

    CBS – 8:00 PM: The gang on HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER crash a swank New York party. I sense some stunt casting in this one.

    ABC – 10:00 PM: CASTLE has to struggle for attention from BECKETT now that DEMMING is hanging around. Speaking of which has ABC got option contracts on most of the BATTLESTAR GALACTICA cast?

    TUESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: OK AMERICAN IDOL this whole mentoring thing has got to stop. JAMIE FOXX mentoring the remaining contestants on singing songs from movies? Really? Now you’re stretching it. Why not RUSSELL CROWE, BILLY BOB THORTON or KEANU REAVES? They’ve all got bands, they just didn’t play a singer in a movie. Oh, wait, you want someone else who did the whole singer biopic thing? Bring in JOAQUIN PHOENIX instead or maybe DENNIS QUAID?

    ABC – 9:00 PM: Tonight we see the touching story of When JACOB met SMOKEY on a very special episode of LOST.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: OK, let me get this straight: KURT tries to butch it up, PUCK shaves the mohawk and RACHEL can’t sing on tonight’s episode of GLEE? Wow, this doesn’t scream filler at all!

    WEDNESDAY

    TheCW – 8:00 PM: OMG! It’s the two hour finale of AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL and I’ve not watched a single episode! Why start now, right?

    BC – 9:00 PM: OK, this week the MODERN FAMILY actually gets to Hawaii instead of just travelling there and just like last week I’m rooting for PHIL to find the cursed tiki idol to make my world complete.

    NBC – 9:00 PM: MERCY has it’s season finale tonight and it’s ranked in my viewing schedule just behind AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL. Oh well.

    THURSDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: The penultimate (kind of) episode of SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS airs and we I’m wondering if RUSSELL makes it to the end or did PARVARTI eat him alive?

    TheCW – 8:00 PM: It’s spooky night done right on TheCW with the season finale of THE VAMPIRE DIARIES followed by the looming apocalypse on SUPERNATURAL.

    NBC – 9:00 PM: Tonight is all filler on THE OFFICE until next week’s return of KATHY BATES.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: Wow, I could use penultimate twice tonight because the the first part of the FRINGE season finale is tonight as well. It’s a two parter so next week won’t make much sense without tonight but it’s still the next to last episode to air for the season so I’m saying it’s the penultimate. I sure hope I’m using that word right.

    FRIDAY

    TheCW – 8:00 PM: Well we’ve waited all season to find out just how CLARK is going to deal with the Kandorians on SMALLVILLE and it’s finally here. The solution he sought and found last week results in all Kyrptonians being banished from Earth so I’m dreading a finale where it seems that CLARK is gone (again).

    CBS – 9:00 PM: I only bring up tonight’s episode of MEDIUM because I once again wanted to say penultimate. So yeah, this is the penultimate episode for what could be the final season of the series.

    SATURDAY

    BBCAMERICA – 8:00 PM: OK, so maybe your TARDIS was a bit wibbly-wobbly and you missed last week’s first part of this awesome two-parter of DOCTOR WHO. Guess what? Tune in at this time and you can catch THE TIME OF ANGELS before the 9:00 PM airing of the second part FLESH AND STONE. Two hours I have no fear in recommending.

    NBC – 11:30 PM: How do you follow-up the stellar BETTY WHITE performance on SNL? Two words folks: ALEC ‘MOTHER TRUCKIN’ BALDWIN.

    SUNDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: Grab a bowl of popcorn and sit down as CBS tries to dominate the night with the season finale of SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS. After the two hour finale you can even stick around for the reunion special right after.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: The FOX network refuses to bow before SURVIVOR by rolling out another appearance of SIDESHOW BOB on tonight’s episode of THE SIMPSONS.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: The explosive season finale of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES hits as we see LYNETTE finally learns the down side of befriending a serial killer and the entire BOLEN business is finally put to rest.

    HBO – 9:00 PM: It’s the final episode of the amazing World War II miniseries THE PACIFIC tonight. I hope no one spoils how it ends for me!

    ABC – 10:00 PM: You hear that folks? It’s my sigh of relief at the fact that another season of BROTHERS & SISTERS comes to a close and I know there’s one less show on the DVR that I won’t be watching.

  • TV Or Not TV: 5/3 – 5/9

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    More often than not I sit down to write this column and I have to face down the biggest and hardest part of the entire part: finding something intelligent to say about something on television. This can be anything from a breakdown/analysis of what is happening on one of my favorite shows to my take over-all on the direction I see something taking, whatever that thing may in fact be. I toil over this portion because I, unlike many of my print oriented (and some web based) piers, don’t receive early reviewer copies of any of the shows. It can be a bit of an uphill battle but at times I get struck in the head with a bit of an idea that I’m able to run with and I walk away happy. This isn’t one of those weeks.

    The truth be told I keep finding less and less time to watch television. Lately I had been literally wasting hours on the weekend to get caught up on the TV shows that I’m interested in watching. For the past two weekends, however, I’ve actually been getting off the of the couch and doing things so I’ve cut down my viewing time even more. I’m a TV critic that has very little time right now to watch TV. What, than, am I to write about?

    When I think about that last question the first thing that comes in to my mind is the upcoming end of LOST. A saga is coming to a close with only five hours remaining to be seen, ever. The show leaves me in the same place that I have always been, the same place that the title implies. I’m clueless on where the show is going or what, in fact, is going on. I really want, at this point, to have a better clue of what it is that is happening. The past two seasons did a wonderful job of filling us in by creating their own little mini-mysteries that they answered in a well paced fashion. When it comes to this last season, however, I’m almost tired from all of it. I don’t want the stories to confuse me, I just want them to amaze me and make sense. I’m still thoroughly enjoying the show but it requires far too much attention and effort to keep up with. From the outside looking in I can understand why it is a show that my wife just can’t stand. I’ve come this far on the journey, however, so I’m in it for the full haul. I’m also hoping this week really has some good stuff in it so I have more to write about as the week progresses.

    Since I’ve made it pretty clear that I don’t have much to highlight up here let’s actually travel below where we can find out what it is that we might or might not want to watch this week, shall we?

    MONDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: The Fred Willard TV tour continues as he pops up on this week’s CHUCK along side Swoosie Kurtz (whose name still sounds like a form of sea sickness to me) playing a husband and wife CIA team. All the real TV critics say their performance tonight is stellar.

    TLC – 8:00 PM: After all of the drama surrounding the upcoming World Dwarf Games on LITTLE PEOPLE, BIG WORLD last week Matt drops the bombshell that he won’t be able to travel to Belfast for the first few days of the game. The nerve!

    CBS – 9:00 PM: Sheldongoest to extreme measures to keep Leonard and Penny happy once they stop speaking to one another on tonight’s BIG BANG THEORY. Apparently ‘extreme measures’ means time-shifting the show into the slot that TWO ANDA HALF MEN usually occupies.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: Jack Bauer stops at nothing to avenge Renee‘s death on 24. OK, maybe it was Jack who pushed BIG BANG THEORY back 30 minutes because he can do anything.

    BRAVO – 10:00 PM: You would think after seeing themselves on television last year THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEYwould have considered some slight attitude adjustments. Change who they are? Fahgedaboudit!

    TUESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Tonight on AMERICAN IDOL we find Harry Conick Jr. mentoring the five finalists on singing the songs of Frank Sinatra, and an entire generation is lost wondering who either of those people are.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: I know I talk about THE BIGGEST LOSERevery single week but if you are not happy about your weight and you want inspiration then tune in tonight because it’s the makeover show. These people get spruced up and we get assaulted with tons of before and after pics. I would almost guarantee instant inspiration and motivation.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: OK, I know I also talk about LOST just about every week it is on but seriously folks, we’re down to the last five hours of this show…. ever…. the body count has to start going up, right? Oh, and if you’ve never watched a single episode of LOST you really may get a kick out of THIS BLOG where the writer is someone watching this final season without seeing a single episode prior. Great for fans and non-fans alike. So enjoyable I just re-read it and lost 25 minutes that I could have been writing this column with. Damn!

    FOX – 9:00 PM: I seriously have no idea what is going on with GLEE this week. Sue is singing again plus Olivia-Newton John is a special guest (again, a generation wonders who she is and I cry a little inside).

    WEDNESDAY

    A&E – 8:00 AM: Can anyone tell me why there’s an all day marathon of BILLY THE EXTERMINATOR?

    FOX – 9:00 PM: If my prayers have been answered then tonight when Harry Conick Jr. and Lady Gaga perform on AMERICAN IDOL it will be in duet form in the most PICASSO inspired visual performance the world has ever seen! This will, however, not be the night my prayers have been answered.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: Gloria invites the entire family on a trip to Hawaii on tonight’s MODERN FAMILY. Not since The Brady Bunch have I looked this forward to a Hawaiin getaway. Please someone tell me that Phil finds a cursed tiki doll!

    THURSDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: The circle of literature life is complete as the author of the books BONES was based upon pens the script for tonight’s episode.

    NBC – 8:00 PM:An on-campus paintball competition unleashes the dogs of war in the most glorious and loving paradoy of action films ever seen on a sitcom on tonight’s COMMUNITY. No wonder this show received an early renewal.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: Why lie? I’m two week’s behind on SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS and I have no idea what’s going on with the show currently. Even after that admission I have no fear is saying it’s still possibly the best season of SURVIVOR ever.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Someone visits from ‘the other side’ on tonight’s episode of FRINGE. How awesome would it be if it were just some random file clerk named Gary who has no idea he’s even in a different reality/universe?

    MTV – 10:00 PM: Four Finnish fellows take over the Jackass mantle as they abuse themselves for your pleasure in THE DUDESONS IN AMERICA. Before you write it off as a Jackass rip-off I should tell you the show is executive produced by Johhny Knoxeville himself so think of it as a companion show where he gets smart and pays other people to risk body and health.

    FRIDAY

    TheCW – 8:00 PM: Mama Kent returns to SMALLVILLE and she’s dating PERRY WHITE! Oh yeah, CLARKalso searshes for a way to deal with the Kandorians… still.

    CBS – 9:00 PM: Ariel loses days and years of time and has to someone look to her future self for the way to get back to the past on tonight’s MEDIUM. I know, it makes no sense to me either.

    STARZ – 10:00 PM: After last week’s charity auction it will be nice to see the PARTY DOWN team get back to a more wholesome and relatable gathering like the orgy they cater tonight. Wait, what?

    SATURDAY

    TLC – 2:00 PM: June bride’s who might be wanting a break from their impending nuptials may want to stay away from five straight hours of SAY YES TO THE DRESS. Wait until 6:00 PM so you can watch in horror at 8 straight hours of TODDLERS & TIARAS.

    SYFY – 9:00 PM: I’m dying to know what network executive heard the title of the movie MONGOLIAN DEATH WORM and thought, “Oh yeah, that’s movie GOLD!”

    NBC – 11:30 PM: The Internet demanded it so ladies and gentlemen SNL proudly presents to you tonight’s special guest host Betty White!

    SUNDAY

    DHC – 5:00 PM: Nothing says Happy Mother’s Day like a marathon of I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS PREGNANT. It’s nice to see that someone at Discovery Health has a sense of humor.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: THE AMAZING RACE 16 comes to a close and I can only say, “I never watched you.”

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Mo writes letters to the vacationing Homer,Rev. Lovejoy and Apu that he will run away with one of their wives on this special Mother’s Day edition of THE SIMPSONS.

    CBS – 9:00 PM: Tom Selleck returns for his sixth time to TV as the title character in JESSE STONE: NO REMORSE. Why oh why can’t they do a Magnum, P.I. reunion instead?

    A&E 9:30 PM: On GENE SIMMONS FAMILY JEWELS I’m more than a bit shocked that Gene accepts an invitation to compete on Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

    ABC – 9:00 PM: OK, in all seriousness, John Barrowman‘s character Patrick on DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES really gives me the creeps.

  • TV Or Not TV: 4/26 – 5/2

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    When I first heard of the new ABC creepy-mystery-drama show I was hopeful just based on the cast. SAM NEILL, AMY ACKER, FRANCES CONROY and STEVEN WEBER are probably the most noteable and all have done great projects in the passed. NEILL’s performance definitely stands out but after watching this first episode I suppose I should add “confusing” to my hyphenated description of the show above.

    HAPPY TOWN is the nickname of Haplin, Minnesota where the show takes place. It’s a picturesque small town where everyone is civil, friendly and the town has no crime. The local bread factory employs over 10% of the townsfolk and give the town itself the scent of down home goodness. All of this, however, is simply window dressing on the surface. Wipe away the facade and you start to delve into a world that quickly confused me and required me to go back and view things again because I thought I must be getting set up with things I’m supposed to remember later.

    If you sit down to watch this first episode as well you will quickly become familiar with each of the key players in town. How do I know this? The main reason is the excessive exposition that each character gives when introduced to town newcomer HENLEY BOONE who has come to town to open a candle shop. This gives her the unfortunate job of being our proxy and having to meet each of these individuals that fall short of giving their complete biography.

    As the show progresses the confusion sets in. SAM NEILL lives in a boardinghouse where the third floor is off limits. The commercials elude to the town boogeyman which they have named THE MAGIC MAN who was responsible for citizens of the town dissapearing five yeras earlier, who may be returning. The town sheriff keeps mumbling the name CHLOE to himself. Where is all of this going?

    The biggest mystery of all for me is the fact that this first season of the show only has an 8 episode run. This in itself is an unusual number in television. It either speaks well of the show or bad of the executives at ABC that the first run was given an initial order greater than the standard 6. Regardless I’m sure ABC is hoping for a hit since, based on recent ratings, the network hasn’t found the heir to the LOST throne in either FLASHFORWARD or V. Either way it’s only 8 episodes, so I say based on this the show is at least worth checking out.

    HAPPY TOWN has it’s premiere at 10 PM this Wednesday, April 28th, on ABC.

    Now let’s look at what else the week holds.

    MONDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Sarah and CHUCK take on a bunch of baddies while taking a train ride through Europe. The best part? Morgan is teamed up with Casey to try and find the two love birds. Expect lots of Casey grunting.

    TLC – 8:00 PM: Matt appoints himself the manager of Zach‘s World Dwarf Games soccer team and a disagreement over sponsorship may jeopardize Amy‘s position as a Dwarf Athletic Association board member on LITTLE PEOPLE, BIG WORLD. It just goes to show that no matter what the sport politics always comes in to play.

    DISC – 8:00 PM: If nothing else interests you on a Monday nigth how about three hours of MYTHBUSTERS? At least something really gets blown up, right?

    The CW – 9:00 PM: I don’t normally watch GOSSIP GIRL but tonight has special guest William Baldwin on so I figured it was worth noting. Carry on.

    TUESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Pop quiz hot shot: you have six contestants left on AMERICAN IDOL who are being mentored by Shania Twain and then have to perform her music. Most of America can’t name six of her hits. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO? (I’m hoping Big Mike sings Man! I Feel Like a Woman!). All kidding aside I wonder if Bowersox can actually find a tune to click with this week?

    ABC – 8:00 PM: I’ve never watched on day of DANCING WITH THE STARS but with the results show tonight the contestants have a swing dance competion. As a fan of Big Bad VodDoo Daddy I wouldn’t mind hearing and seeing some good swing.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Yes my usual mentioning of THE BIGGEST LOSER is almost obligatory at this point because regardless of what they make the contestants do it’s still so gripping to see what they go through.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: GLEE already had me at Kurt trying to fix up his dad with Finn‘s mom, but add to the mix the return of KRISTIN CHENOWITH? I’ll be glued to my seat. I still have to wonder though how these other kids in the school never get annoyed by the GLEE member singing all over the halls. If it was my high school I’d have been beat down within minutes.

    MTV – 10:00 PM: I don’t watch THE HILLS but the title of the final season’s premiere tonight is titled Put On a Happy Face, which is exactly what Heidi‘s plastic surgeon did for her. Now the only way to get her mouth to frown is to make her do a head stand.

    WEDNESDAY

    ABC – 9:00 PM: If you were amazed during the holiday season to only see the top of Fred Willard‘s head on MODERN FAMILY and were craving more than your pay off is tonight as Phil‘s dad drops in for a visit.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: OK, I made fun of AMERICAN IDOL too soon. Turns out the stunt casting of mentor Shania Twain was to try to suck in all of the New Country fans out there. Furthering the movement? Lady Antebellum and Rascal Flatts perform on tonight’s results show. Very tricky IDOL. Very tricky indeed.

    ABC – 10:00 PM: Yeah, remember up top where I spetn quite a few paragraphs talking about HAPPY TOWN? Here it is.

    NBC – 10:00 PM: Can someone tell me how I had no idea that Sharon Stone was starting a four week special guest-star stint on LAW & ORDER: SVU?

    THURSDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: All is right in the universe again as we get all new episode of COMMUNITY, PARKS AND RECREATION, THE OFFICE and special guest star Will Forte on tonigth’s episode of 30 ROCK.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: Two swing votes hang in the balance at tribal council on tonight’s SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS.

    FRIDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: The final installment of WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? has Spike Lee looking deeper into his family history.

    The CW – 8:00 PM: Anytime SMALLVILLE has an episode title like Sacrifice you just have to worry a little bit if everyone is going to come out alive by the episode end.

    CBS – 9:00 PM: Allison has a high-tech alarm installed after a neighbor his killed and she thinks the alarm may be communicating with her daughter Marie. Is this MEDIUM or a precursor to SKYNET?

    SATURDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: I only mention tonight’s airing of MEET THE FOCKERS because I always get a kick out of saying that Barbara Streisand is a real Mother Focker.

    BBCA – 9:00 PM: The really brilliant part of tonight’s DOCTOR WHO is Ian McNeice as Winston Churchill. The bit about that enemy from the Doctor‘s past wasn’t the best for me but it was still good TV all around. If nothing else the previews for next week’s episode The Time of Angels are a good reason to see it through.

    ABC FAMILY – 10:00 PM: Seriously, can someone please tell me how BILLY MADISON has any business being shown on a channel touting family values? I know, it’s not a puritan network or anything but still!

    SUNDAY

    FOX – 9:00 PM: Remember back in the sitcom days of old where the main characters would get stuck in a locked basement/office/meat locker and then they’d talk about all the fun times (and we’d see all the old clips)? Tonight FAMILY GUY does that with Brian and Stewie in a bank vault.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: Torchwood fans will be happy to know that they get more John Barrowman on tonight’s DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES as we see him finally catch up with Angie. Oh yeah, Lynette invited a psychopath to live with her, I’m sure that will play out well this week.

    DISNEY – 9:00 PM: I don’t know what it is about MEET THE ROBINSONS that makes it one of my preferred of the Disney CGI films but if your kids are up late they may enjoy this one too.

    A&E – 9:30 PM: If you’re like me you’ve always wondered what it would be like to see Gene Simmons in a bayou, right? If so than GENE SIMMONS FAMILY JEWELS seeks to fill our minds with wonder (and blatanlty scripted reality).

  • TV Or Not TV: 4/19 – 4/25

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    Wow, what a week of TV we had.

    Welcome one and all to another bleak week of television!

    Every year I look at what my television viewings are this year and every time I”m a little bit at a loss for words.  At first I’m flabbergasted, then miffed, and finally I come to accept the schedule for what it is because I realize it’s that awkward period between the Nielsen ratings sweeps period. This particular lull is the one that falls right before the big sweeps period that pretty well dictates what the networks can charge for the advanced advertising sales on their shows for the upcoming fall season. Right now we’re one the precipice of that period.

    This is also a very painful period for me to write about television but it isn’t completely because of the lull. There’s not a lot of television that I’m really interested in watching currently. I’m sure part of the problem has been my fascination with getting caught up on the revival of DOCTOR WHO. This obsession, thankfully, is nearing an end thanks to my being well into the fourth series of the show and I’m about to move on to the specials that lead up to DAVID TENNANT’s leaving of the title roll.

    Speaking of the good DOCTOR now that the US premiere of the latest iteration of DOCTOR WHO has aired on BBC AMERICA I’m more free to talk about my likes and dislikes about the episode, of which there are many more of the former over the latter.

    I’d like to start by getting my complaint out of the way. The only thing I truly didn’t enjoy about this episode was the very opening of it as the TARDIS is hurtling through the skies of London and leading the DOCTOR to his next adventure. It was a bit on the slapstick side for me and it is the only part of the episode that just didn’t seem to fit in for me. I’d much rather have had a cold opening of young AMELIA POND praying to SANTA to take the crack out of her wall. There, I’ve said my piece on that. Let’s move on.

    The tone and humor in the new episode is something that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed upon multiple viewings. This new DOCTOR, acted by MATT SMITH, has a very kinetic cadence that plays well both verbally and physically. I had no problem at all accepting that he is now the DOCTOR and for that I think MR. SMITH should be commended. He understands the big shoes that the roll itself has and he fills them well.

    Another aspect that I really like about this new series is that in choosing his new companion the DOCTOR isn’t simply plucking someone out of their ordinary life into extraordinary circumstances. We meet AMELIA POND, or AMY as she is later known in the episode, in a manner reminiscent of new head writer STEPHEN MOFFAT’s series 2 episode THE GIRL IN THE FIREPLACE (yes, I know, I’ve covered this a bit before). AMELIA meets the DOCTOR at an early age and his presence has a very big impact on the young girl. TARDIS instability makes the DOCTOR’s promised five minute trip into 12 years and we can tell, after we have our bearings on who is who, that AMY has gone through a lot to cope with her first occurrence of the DOCTOR. Unlike other companions, however, she’s also had elements of this alien life around her for the greater part of her life as PRISONER ZERO hid in a room within her own home. She hasn’t just been exposed to greater universe, she’s been thrust into it for quite some time and the impact it has had runs deep.

    After multiple viewing I also have to question what direction the relationship between this DOCTOR and his companion will go. AMY has been obsessed with the DOCTOR for quite some time. She’s drawns cartoons of him, she’s made dolls of him and in a weird move  she’s even made her “sort of” boyfriend RORY dress up as the DOCTOR (although we don’t know when she’s done this, so maybe it’s just innocent). She’s spent the better part of her life trying to fill the void that the DOCTOR left in her after disappearing on her. Is she seeking to regain the father figure she feels she finally got back with his appearance or does it run deeper than that? Only future episodes can tell us.

    As I also mentioned before the episode features foreshadowing of bigger things to come. PRISONER ZERO tells the DOCTOR:

    The cracks in the skin of the universe ““ don’t you know where they came from? You don’t, do you? The Doctor in the TARDIS doesn’t know. The universe is cracked. The Pandorica will open. Silence will fall.“

    After now seeing the first three episodes of the season the cracks have continued so rest assured this wasn’t just babble placed in to confuse you. Keep an eye out for clues as to what whatever the PANDORICA is. I admit that subtle story-arc elements like this are what swept me up in the series so it’s nice to see them continue.

    FEELING GLEE-FUL?

    This last week the other powerhouse of FOX television returned on Tuesday at a special time in the form of GLEE. I was curious about where this episode was going to go since the 13th episode did such a good job as a coda for the season. Rivalries had played out, stories has seemed to come to completion, and there was hope for the future. Where would the show go?

    Since the show has another 9 hours to fill you just know that they had to tear apart a bit of what they had put together. RACHEL did a great job of smothering FINN to the point where he was easily lead away, WILL SCHUSTER jumped straight from a failed marriage to a relationship with EMMA that also has some early bumps to contend with, and of course SUE SYLVESTER returned with a vengeance in a plot line that was so ill-thought out that I’m surprised they used it. SUE slips a mickey into the principals drink and then takes pictures of herself with him in a cheap motel. Nothing happened and she states that he’ll have to let her return as the coach of the cheer squad to keep the photos from surfacing.  If you’ve got such powerful pictures why not just have him come up with a plausible reason to cancel the GLEE club you hate so much SUE? Oh yeah, then there would be no show. Never mind.

    The musical numbers in the episode were good and I’m sure the show will once again build up steam after this bumpy restart. We’ve got lots of great guests to look forward to including NEIL PATRICK HARRIS  in an episode directed by JOSS WHEDON. Can’t wait for that one.

    Well, since this is the second time within three weeks I’ve talked about DOCTOR WHO and I’ve already said too much about GLEE it’s probably best to move on to the other cracks in the universe which seem to have swallowed up just about anything that I really have an interesting in watching this week.

    MONDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: I’m sure TED almost looses his lunch when his Mom gets a bit bold with her public displays of affection to her fiance on tonight’s HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: For the first time in 24 history JACK got some ‘action’ while on the clock. Too bad it didn’t end well for RENEE. Now JACK is going to go all MARTIN RIGGS on everyone, right?

    ABC – 9:28 PM: ALYSSA MILANO returns to television in an ensemble show where she’s a single mom getting back on the dating scene. I have no idea how this is different from COUGAR TOWN so I guess I’ll have to watch with the rest of you to find out.

    TUESDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: The contestants on THE BIGGEST LOSER get taken through a beach workout by  GABRIELLE REECE before one contestant gets some devastating news from home. If you’ve been an avid watcher I’m sure you know what it is.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: Just when you thought GLEE couldn’t get any… well… GLEE-kier they dedicate an entire show to ‘The Power of Madonna.’ I wasn’t aware that controversy and bad decisions was a power. Oh well.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: Honestly folks I am just as lost about LOST as you are. Only six more hours of the show left. Let’s just hang on and get through the rest of the ride, k?

    WEDNESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: The performance driven AMERICAN IDOL special IDOL GIVES BACK returns this year with 1 hour and fifty minutes of them asking for kindness and charity before 10 minutes of crushing the spirit and soul of a young hopeful as they tally the votes. Will a contestant get a reprieve like two years ago? You’ll have to watch to see (because I probably won’t).

    ABC – 9:00 PM: Even though they are repeats an hour of MODERN FAMILY is still an hour of MODERN FAMILY, know what I’m sayin’?

    THURSDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: JEFF, TROY, and a chicken finger shortage are central to the plot of tonight’s episode of COMMUNITY.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: If you saw last week’s SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS than you saw some of the best reality TV to unfold in a long while. Seriously, wow.

    NBC 8:30 PM: What’s better than an episode of 30 ROCK at 8:30? The fact that at 9:30 there’s another episode as well.

    FRIDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? returns this week with actress SUSAN SARANDON. For once I won’t dig on this show just because of all she’s accomplished.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: Does anyone know if tonight is the last episode of JAMIE OLIVER’S FOOD REVOLUTION? I’m too lazy to look up if it was just a six episode pick up or not.

    STARZ – 10:00 PM: One of the STARZ originals that I really enjoyed for it’s simplicity is the show PARTY DOWN. MEGAN MULLALLY takes a break from singing about margarine to guest in the second season to take the place of JANE LYNCH and other than that it’s the same crew of catering hopefuls.

    SATURDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: I’m sure after all of EDDI MURPHEY’s KLUMP action the producers of NORBIT were convinced they had a shoe in for a money maker on their hands. If you watch it for free tonight you’ll see why they were oh so painfully mistaken.

    SYFY – 9:00 PM: No MOTHMAN has nothing to do with Godzilla. The West Virginian monster of myth some how comes back to get revenge on childhood friends who cover up an accidental murder (I hate it when those accidental murders happen). Too bad there’s not some better science fiction on tonight. Oh, wait….

    BBC AMERICA – 9:00 PM: This week DOCTOR WHO lands on the STARSHIP UK as AMY POND gets her first real taste of traveling with the DOCTOR. If you missed the premiere last week you can catch it at 8:00 PM right before this airs.

    SUNDAY

    ABC – 9:00 PM: Tonight on DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES they go all retrospective on the FAIRFIELD STRANGLER complete with his own flashbacks! Nothing says entertainment like THIS IS YOUR LIFE for the neighborhood psychopath.

    NBC – 9:00 PM: The teams on CELEBRITY APPRENTICE have to create celebrity workout classes at a fitness center. Too bad most of them have no idea what a celebrity would even do during a workout.

    A&E – 9:30 PM: Some of the best completely staged incidents on GENE SIMMONS FAMILY JEWELS happen when NICK is involved and tonight he has to entertain the son of a potential client of his dads. I’m popping popcorn for this one.

  • TV Or Not TV: 4/12 – 4/18

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    Wow, what a week of TV we had.

    The week kicked off for me with CHUCK (I know, big shock). The entire season of CHUCK has been building towards something and we finally made it to that point. I was very pleased with the way the episode played out and how it tied so many of the hanging strings of plot elements together. SHAW is finally gone, CHUCK and SARAH have finally gotten together, CASEY was able to get himself re-instated and even got MORGAN brought into the mix as an agent. If you watched it the episode played out exactly like a season finale, which it was originally intended. Chuck originally was only coming back to a 13 episode order and this 13th episode would have had to tied us over into a (hopeful) 4th season. Now instead we have to deal with three weeks of repeats while the finishing touches are put on the final 6 episodes of the season. Since they weren’t part of the orignal order I’m hoping at least 4 of the six are “stand-alone” episodes where we just get some good ol’ fashoin spy fun without getting too bogged down about subversive myster organizations and rogue secret agents. Fella can dream, can’t he?

    LOST had an episode that had me blown away. I don’t know what is in the water when they are writing those DESMOND episodes but HAPPILY EVER AFTER next week brought a lot to the table. I was happy to see that my prediction of DESMOND being an element in play for use in the energy pockets that WIDMORE is looking for. Tonight also had the first ‘flash-sideways’ story that I actually cared about and, of course, once again the DESMOND/PENNY angle made the whole story very compelling.

    The second part of the MEDIUM two-parter on Friday night gave me everything that I’ve come to expect from the smart writing of the show. The girl that was having dreams about the murderer was written in a way that made sense, both the main story and JOE’s job woes had me hooked in, and once again I was almost holding my breath at the very end. The only point of dissapointment was in the way that ALLISON found the killer’s vehicle. I really hope this isn’t the last season for this show.

    If you weren’t watching FOX Sunday night than you probably didn’t notice the fact that SONS OF TUCSON wasn’t on. The network cancelled the show after the first four episodes aired. The remaining nine episodes will play out during the summer and we’ll have to wait and see how TYLER LABINE does on the CBS show TRUE LOVE if it gets past the pilot.

    Enough about all the stuff that I watched last week. Instead let’s look at what is happening THIS week to watch.

    MONDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: HUGH LAURIE directs himself in tonight’s episode of HOUSE.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: LILY wants to get a hand gun after MARSHALL gets mugged on HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER. Why doesn’t she just use some of that witchcraft stuff she did on BUFFY?

    FOX – 9:00 PM: The President tries to do a Hail Mary play by bringing in disgraced former PRESIDENT LOGAN to come in and save the day. I know, it makes a lot of sense when I put it like that. Ready like brining the former heads of Lehman Brothers to come in and solve the economic crisis for us.

    CBS – 9:30 PM: SHELDON and the evil WIL WHEATON bowl on tonight’s episode of THE BIG BANG THEORY.

    ABC – 10:00 PM: Ever wanted to kill TOM BERGERON after two hours of DANCING WITH THE STARS? If so than tonight’s episode of CASTLE will be right up your alley.

    TUESDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: Two contestands win new cars on tonight’s episode of THE BIGGEST LOSER. The contestants also get almost as bored as we do by hearing SUZE ORMAN explains to them about financial health (which sounds like code for “how much money you were wasting by being over-weight).

    ABC – 9:00 PM: Tonight’s episode of LOST is titled EVERYBODY LOVES HUGO and I have to wonder if HURLEY finds true love tonight and gets the same type of enlightenment that DESMOND and CHARLIE did in the flash-sideways world?

    FOX – 9:30 PM: After far too long of a break those whacky kids from GLEE are back and it turns out that rival glee club VOCAL ADRENALINE is coached by WICKED star IDINA MENZEL.

    WEDNESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: Find out how the boys got the group together in tonight’s episode of HUMAN TARGET.

    THE CW – 8:00 PM: Nothing says glamour like the smell of human waste tonight as the models must attend a photo shoot on the subway tonight on AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL.

    ABC – 9:30 PM: Anyone that remember show good the story revolving around the fencing competition episode of MODERN FAMILY probably knows why I’m excited for tonight’s episode where JAY and PHIL compete to fill the spot left vacant by MANNY and LUKE‘s basketball coach.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: Well, the judges used their “save’ last week so tonight two contestants get the heave-ho tonight on AMERICAN IDOL. Can’t we all just say BOWERSOX wins so we can skip all this nonsense?

    ABC – 10:00 PM: It’s the series finale tonight of UGLY BETTY. Best of luck BETTY, I never knew you.

    THURSDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: How will things play out this week after BRENNAN shot down BOOTH on BONES? My guess is better than we think.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: How will the VILLAINS fair this week after their horrible decision to bounce COACH last week? I have to admit I’m really digging SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS.

    NBC – 9:00 PM: SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE in the 2000’s: TIME AND AGAIN is yet another clip show. I’ll put good money on the fact that we’ll once again see DICK IN A BOX and SCHWETTY BALLS (did I really just type that?).

    FRIDAY

    THE CW – 8:00 PM: Nothing says whacky like when CLARKE gets infectedwith red kyrptonite so tune in to SMALLVILLE for all the fun.

    NBC – 8:00 PM: According to the press release NBC, WALMART and PROCTOR & GAMBLE are trying to bring “family movie night” back with tonights TV movie SECRETS OF THE MOUNTAIN.  One secret is that RANDY JACKSON produced the soundtrack. I’ll give a whirl with my six year old to see if they pulled it off or not.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: Tonight on JAMIE OLVER’S FOOD REVOLUTION he asks high school kids to choose between fresh healthy food and processed junk food. Good luck with that one man.

    STARZ – 10:00 PM: It’s the finale of SPARTACUS: BLOOD AND SAND and rest assured that it’s filled to the brim with half-naked people just like you’ve come to expect.

    SATURDAY

    BBC AMERICA – 6:00 AM E: If you don’t mind watching a few things over you can literally sit around for the next 14 hours and watch DOCTOR WHO all the way up to….

    BBC AMERICA – 8:00 PM: It’s a brand new DOCTOR at 9:00 PM so to help us get ready they’ve made THE ULTIMATE GUIDE so we can learn who this DOCTOR WHO is and get us ready for the 9:00 PM premiere of the newest incarnation of the good DOCTOR. If you’ve always wanted to check the show out but were worried about what you need to know than the perfect time is here since this is a fresh start for us all to enjoy.

    NBC – 11:30 PM: Well the MACGRUBER movie was pushed back but RYAN PHILLIPPE‘s appearance wasn’t on SNL. I’m sure there won’t be a single MACGRUBER sketch or commercial planned to air this night at all.

    SUNDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: Get out your biggest belt buckle and settle in for THE 45TH ANNUAL COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS.

    NBC – 9:00 PM: CELEBRITY APPRENTICE tries a hand at counter programming as the teams have to reinvent the images of country music singers EMILY WEST and LUKE BRYAN. The first order of business would be to make me know who those two are.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: In order to subvert her son’s marriage plans LYNETTE finds out the truth about her future potentila daughter-in-law on DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. I’m sure that won’t blow up in her face at all.

  • TV Or Not TV: 3/22 – 3/28

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    Welcome to another week of TV or Not TV and this week I’m all about the Bubble.

    I don’t know if you have come across this term yet in the real world but there are such things in network television that have been termed “Bubble” shows. A Bubble show is a show that has ratings that aren’t stellar but don’t flat out justify cancellation. Until we finally learn what the networks ultimately decide on the fate of the show it is on the surface of the Bubble waiting to see if it continues to float safely or see if the Bubble bursts and it’s all over.

    I have to admit that before the advent of the Internet I was always just resigned to the fate of a show since there was little I could do about it (OK, there was one campaign outside of NBC in Burbank to try to stop the cancellation of QUANTAM LEAP, but we don’t discuss that in my household and simply right it off and the frivolity of my youth). The Internet, however, makes information so readily available that people are not only informed rapidly about how their shows are performing they are able to mobilize and put together campaigns that, in the micro-verse of the Internet, sometimes makes network executives take notice. One Bubble show from last season, DOLLHOUSE, could have been easily considered headed to the scrap heap by the ratings but fandom made executives consider giving it a new lease on life through fan community action and re-action to possible cancellation.

    Another show that, after its second season, seems tortured by life on the Bubble is one of my personal favorites: CHUCK. Last season the show had some of its best story telling, strongest episodes, and amazing guest stars but didn’t have strong numbers. Fans took to the Internet and came out in droves to show support for the show by doing something an audience hadn’t really done before in supporting an advertiser of the show. The week when fear of cancellation hit the masses a Subway Meatball sandwich was featured prominently in a way that could only be taken as product placement. Fans went out in force and bought five dollar foot longs like they were going out of fashion, dropping suggestion cards stating they were there because of the spot on CHUCK and continued to do so every Monday for the rest of the season. Their actions got CHUCK a third season 13 episode commitment that expanded into a 19 episode order before the season wrapped.

    Once again, however, CHUCK is on the bubble and you can tell as such from the simple Tweet from show co-creator JOSS SCHWARTZ:

    This isn’t the kind of Tweet you want to read when the show you like is going up against the season premiere of DANCING WITH THE STARS. Yes the shows don’t really share the same demographic but since STARS has one of the more interesting casts in a long time I can’t even guess what might happen. Tonight’s episode of CHUCK is really important after its rating drop last week. It will prove that the fluke was a drop due to Daylight Saving Time, which if you look at the prior Monday was an overall drop of slightly more than 10% of people watching television in the prized 18 to 49 demographic could be a real possibility. Tonight it needs an audience for sure.

    I also think we can’t really know what NBC has got going on after their 10 PM Leno debacle. You’d think the fourth ranked network might want to try to at least hold on to a show that actually does have some kind of audience. I’m sure this is the only reason that HEROES might get another season (yup, HEROES is easily on the Bubble as well after yet another horribly written and ratings performing year). Good luck CHUCK, I’m pulling for you.

    So here, in my opinion, are the shows that are on the Bubble for the networks. I’m not going into completely doomed shows like THE DEEP END or TRAUMA. If the show is listed here I think right now, in the face of other shows getting early renewals (MODERN FAMILY, COUGAR TOWN, COMMUNITY, BONES and oh so many more) these shows could be back next year or could have their floor pop out from underneath them and plunge them into the obscurity of cancellation.

    FOX – HUMAN TARGET, LIE TO ME and due to recent speculation the longest day of the year 24. I have nothing vested in any of these shows so good luck and fair thee well.

    CBS – NUMB3RS, NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE, ACCIDENTALLY ON PURPOSE, GARY UNMARRIED and MEDIUM. I’d really like to see MEDIUM get to stick around since it is another of my favorites however I’m not holding out hope even though it too has had a great season of shows on its new network.

    ABC – FLASHFORWARD and V. V still has yet to return and FLASHFORWARD didn’t fare very well ratings-wise in its return mid-season premiere. Some people think that CASTLE might be on the bubble but, when you look at what it does for a 10 PM show I think that it does pretty well for ABC. Its ratings are strong and consistent.

    NBC – Currently CHUCK, PARENTHOOD and HEROES. The former and the latter at least have some audience; PARENTHOOD is so young it is really hard to tell. Give me the first two and I’ll be happy.

    So there’s my take on the shows that might or might not survive. Now let’s look at what we know we can at least watch for the next seven days, shall we?

    MONDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: OK, I’ve NEVER had an interest in DANCING WITH THE STARS but this season I’d almost consider watching it if I weren’t such a die hard fan of….

    NBC – 8:00 PM: CHUCK has his “final exam” to be a spy tonight and one of the things he has to do to pass is to slay the ratings. Can a few of you Nielsen homes help out with this?

    CBS – 8:00 PM: So TED’s date some how ruins LILY‘s birthday party on HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER. Did he bring BLAH BLAH back out of crazy town for the date?

    ABC – 10:00 PM: The first half of the first two-parter CASTLE in the show’s history happens tonight when a serial killer is performing murderous dedications to BECKETT and special guest DANA DELANY heads up the investigation. This one had me at two-parter.

    SHO – 10:00 PM: The pain pill addicted mess that is NURSE JACKIE returns to SHOWTIME tonight, followed by the UNITED STATES OF TARA.

    TUESDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: BIGGEST LOSER COUPLES goes straight for the heart strings by sending all the contestants back home for a week. Get your tissue ready and wait until you see the stationary bike competition.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: The only reason why I’m even mentioning AMERICAN IDOL is not to make a snarky comment about the mediocre contestants this season has to offer. I mention it because as long as the show is two hours it’s screwing up my ability to DVR LOST tonight so I’m going to have to watch on the web to find out….

    ABC – 9:00 PM: The back-story of ageless and natural eye-linered RICHARD ALPERT is revealed on tonight’s episode of LOST. Don’t taunt me with mail, Tweets or anything else. I’ll be watching it on Wednesday. Hmph.

    CNBC – 10:00 PM: The creepy documentary HOW MUCH IS YOUR BODY WORTH? takes a look at the profitability of body parts on the black market.

    ABC – 10:00 PM: Remember how last week ABC used the post-LOST spot to beg its viewers to watch FLASHFORWARD? They’re doing it again this week with V: THE ARRIVAL in the hopes of getting them to tune in for the return next week.

    WEDNESDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: Were you mad that SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLIANS was bumped because of the NCAA FINALS? Well this week you get your island fix a day sooner and with a double elimination! This could prove interesting since we’re going to see a showdown between RUSSELL and BOSTON ROB.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: GLORIA and CAM bond during a night out on MODERN FAMILY? Oh this I’ve got to see.

    THE CW – 9:00 PM: At first when I read that there was a new show called FLY GIRLS I thought maybe they were doing a dance off casting competition for IN LIVING COLOR 2010. To my surprise instead it’s a staged reality show with Virgin America flight attendants who live together in Los Angeles when they aren’t fending off invitations from mile-high wannabes. Not to my surprise the show just stalls mid-air.

    FOX – 9:00 PM: Last week I didn’t even waste my time watching the AMERICAN IDOL results show. Amazingly enough I still found out who got the boot. Go fig.

    ABC – 9:30 PM: CHERYL CROW starts her small guest-starring sting as a wine rep that’s after GRAYSON on COUGAR TOWN. I hope this fairs better for her than ALANIS MORISSETTE‘S guest stint on WEEDS.

    THURSDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: A December episode of BONES followed by a February episode of FRINGE just goes to show that FOX has no interest in going head-to-head with the NCAA.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: Struggling freshman FLASHFORWARD has nothing at all to lose in going head-to-head with the NCAA. I’ll admit last week’s premiere had a very painful first hour to watch but the second hour was all kinds of goodness that reminded me why I actually liked the show.

    NBC – 9:30 PM: 30 ROCK has LIZ‘s ex FLOYD dropping back in from Cleveland with big news (which could simply be that he’s escaped Cleveland).

    FRIDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: MATHEW BRODERICK enlists historians to try to unlock a 150 year old mystery on WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? while an entire generation tries to unlock the mystery of who MATHEW BRODERICK is. I feel old.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: If you missed the “sneak peak” of JAMIE OLIVER’S FOOD REVOLUTION last Sunday you can watch it before the next episode airs right after at 9. I love his message but I need to sit down more to see how he’s getting it out there.

    THE CW – 9:00 PM: Instead of SMALLVILLE we get repeats from Wednesday of FLY GIRLS and HIGH SOCIETY. ZOD is able to fly; we need the show back STAT!

    SCYFY – 9:00 PM: I can’t believe the first season of CAPRICA is already coming to a close. This is almost as unfair as no SMALLVILLE until April.

    SATURDAY

    DISC – 11:00 AM: I love marathons and today you can curl up with oh so many hours of DEADLIEST CATCH.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: If you didn’t see the first airing of V than you can catch the first two episodes back-to-back tonight. Only four aired way back in 2009 so you can get caught up real easy like.

    NICK – 8:00 PM: Children get their annual slime fest with the KID’S CHOICE AWARDS 2010, hosted by KEVIN JAMES. When did PAUL BLART get so popular with the kids? I’m out of touch.

    A&E – 8:00 PM: If you missed the 2008 re-imagining of THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN you can catch both parts tonight. A bit of advice though, the STRAIN comes from being strong enough to sit through it. I’m just sayin’.

    SPIKE – 10:00 PM: I’ve never seen the ROB ZOMBIE directed remake of HALLOWEEN. If I watch it for free can’t complain about the price of admission, right?

    SUNDAY

    SYFY – 10:00 AM: Remember when NBC tried to air import MERLIN during the summer? Well you can watch 13 hours of it today if you didn’t last year.

    DISC – 1:00 PM: I just wish I could get away with sitting and watching five hours of MYTHBUSTERS and three hours of LIFE. I might as well since I always blow off this column’s deadline anyway.

    A&E – 5:00 PM: If you missed the premiere last week of KIRSTIE ALLEY’S BIG LIFE you can watch both episodes now, sit down for a marathon of GENE SIMMONS FAMILY JEWELS and then catch the new episodes at 10…. or you could watch your lawn grow until the sun sets and go to bed. Either way you’ll probably accomplish about the same.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: The entire Alphabet network is in repeats tonight. Is there something big on and I missed it?

    NGC – 9:00 PM: The new series BREAKOUT looks at some of the more high-profile jail breaks in recent history, both from the perspective of escapees and the law men that track them down. I hope I never have to view this as a “how to” and “what not to do” reference later in life.

    Will Wilkins is experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by.

  • TV Or Not TV: 2/8 – 2/14

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    For those of you that are frequent readers of this column I’m sure you will notice a certain trend that occurs around these parts: I don’t really tend to review things when they are happening. When it comes to television, because I have a regular job and life, I tend to play catch-up most of the time with the shows that are out there. This can either be because they are new shows that I haven’t opened up my schedule for or old shows that I used to watch all the time and couldn’t fit into my DVR schedule.

    One show this season has fallen victim to the latter condition and that show is SMALLVILLE. I’ve watched this show since the beginning, I’ve stuck with it through the good, the bad, and the awkward. I’ve tolerated silly and at times confusing story lines and I’ve held out to see how the show re-invented itself when key characters left. Whether it has been to my benefit or detriment I’ve been a fan of the show.

    Last season was one of the most challenging that SMALLVILLE had to endure. The show creators, Alfred Gough and Miles Millar, had left the show and Michael Rosenbaum (LEX LUTHOR) and Kristin Kreuk (LANA LANG) also were not to return as series regulars. If memory serves THE CW also renewed the show but on the basis of a lower budget. All of this seemed like a foreboding formula for disaster. What happened, instead, was one of the best seasons the show has ever had.

    This season I was able to catch the sesaon premiere of SMALLVILLE but after that the show fell off my radar due to DVR conflicts. This past weekend, however, I was able to have a marathon to get me back on track. Once again I have to say that what I’m seeing is a thoroughly entertaining season that does a good job balancing story arc’s with stand-alone stories as well. The blend of this modern vision of Superman continues to be extended in an entertaining way with the continued incorporation of DC comic heroes and villains.

    The writers were also able to do something this season that I wasn’t expecting in finding a creative way to bring back GENERAL ZOD, along with an army of his past troops. Yes we’ve seen ZOD before, sort of, but this time he’s here with an army but, unlike other times those of Krypton have shown up in the past, he and his army of bad-asses aren’t loaded up with the same super powers under Earth’s yellow sun. This little twist is part of what sets up the overall story arc for the season.

    If there were any complaint that I can convey about this season it has to be with the casting of Callum Blue as the new incarnation of GENERAL ZOD. Having enjoyed his performance on the Showtime series DEAD LIKE ME I think my interpretation of his delivery is tainted. Every time ZOD tries to be intimidating I just see him as MASON and can’t take him seriously. A few season’s ago when LEX was possessed by ZOD the delivery by Michael Rosenbaum was much more believable than this season’s depiction. Call me petty but I just can’t buy Blue in the role.

    Even if you can’t catch up on the entire season as I have this weekend I’d encourage you to go the The CW’s website (http://www.cwtv.com) and at least catch this past Friday’s two hour episode event titled “ABSOLUTE JUSTICE“. This episode features members of the Justice Society in a way that plays out very well both as a standalone episode as well as the way it relates to furthering Clark’s journey towards his eventual destiny.

    Now let’s go from SMALLVILLE to TV-VILLE and see what the tube has to offer this week.

    MONDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: If you didn’t see the spot with BARNEY during the Super Bowl than you may want to try to find it before tonight’s episode of HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER.

    NBC – 9:00 PM: I don’t know if tonight’s season finale will eventually be the series finale of HEROES. Let’s hope so since this sick dog really needs to be put down.

    VH1 – 9:00 PM: CELEBRITY FIT CLUB: BOOT CAMP is back and this time two little words are going to make me tune in: BOBBY BROWN. This has disaster written all over it.

    ABC – 10:00 PM: JOE TORRE guests on tonight’s episode of CASTLE with a baseball centric mystery. Baseball in winter, who’d a thunk it?

    TUESDAY

    FOX – 8:00 PM: AMERICAN IDOL finally gets to Hollywood tonight which means we finally see how ELLEN DEGENERES does in the guest chair. Will it be good or will we be pining for PAULA?

    ABC – 9:00 PM: In this final season of LOST some of the titles play off of titles from seasons passed. Tonight’s episode, WHAT KATE DOES, is clever but I’m still waiting for April’s *spoiler* EVERYBODY LOVES HUGO episode.

    NBC – 10:00 PM: Once again we say goodbye to Jay before we once again say hello to Jay with the series finale of THE JAY LENO SHOW. Unlike Conan’s last episode I won’t be tuning in for this at all.

    WEDNESDAY

    ABC – 8:00 PM: I have no recollection at all of A CHARLIE BROWN VALENTINE so I’m pretty sure I’ll know what I’ll be watching at 8:00 PM tonight.

    A&E – 8:00 PM: This re-air of DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER is the classic story of a good girl gone bad as the crew hunts down a stripper on the run.

    ABC – 9:00 PM: Tonight’s MODERN FAMILY has all the potential for full on laughter as we see everyone’s Valentine’s Day. Did I mention CAMERON and MITCHELL try to play cupid for little MANNY?

    HIST – 9:00 PM: The MONSTERQUEST team goes after MOTHMAN tonight. No, I didn’t confuse this with a plot from SMALLVILLE.

    THURSDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: How do you do an all-stars episode without calling it all-stars? SURVIVOR: HEROES vs. VILLAINS, that’s how! At least they got RUSSELL from last season. Let’s see how he does with a group that might know some of his shenanigans.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: PAST LIFE is a mystery / drama with a twist in the form of a psychologist that believes in “past-life trauma.” Yeah, um…. ok. How long until they get SHIRLEY MACLAINE to guest star?

    NBC – 9:00 PM: KATHY BATES shows up at THE OFFICE to tell MICHAEL and JIM that one of them has to return to the sales force. Too bad she won’t bring that block of wood and sledge hammer to drive her point home.

    FRIDAY

    NBC – 7:30 PM: The 2010 OLYMPIC OPENING CEREMONY rings in the Peacock’s $200 million loss as well as the Summer Olympic Games.

    THE CW – 8:00 PM: Remember a few weeks back when I said that SMALLVILLE would be set in a Comic-Con style convention? Yeah, that actually airs tonight. This also kicks off tonight’s CW counter-programming strategy with a ZANTANA double feature as this ep is followed by last season’s episode feature the mysterious wish-granting lady.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: The Alphabet Network clearly throws in the towel counter-programming wise with a showing of the 2004 film SPIDER-MAN 2. Isn’t this usually FOX‘s move?

    SATURDAY

    BBC AMERICA – 8:00 PM: SURVIVORS is a remake of a 70’s series where 90% of the world’s population is taken out by a flu pandemic. Now I have to see if this show was out before THE STAND. M-O-O-N, that spells plagiarism.

    CBS – 8:00 PM: CBS offers up WEDDING CRASHERS for sacrifice to the Olympic counter-programming gods.

    HALLMARK – 9:00 PM: ELEVATOR GIRL gives all men false hope that they may fall in love with LACEY CHABERT when stuck in an elevator. Me? I’ve only been stuck in an elevator with an over-flatulent plumber named Carl.

    SUNDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: Two reasons to actually watch the new season of THE AMAZING RACE: JORDAN and JEFF from BIG BROTHER 11 decide the best way to continue dating is on another reality show and former Miss Teen USA CAITLIN UPTON, who gave the most confusing answer to why a fifth of Americans can’t find the country on a map, is now going to be globe-trotting.

    STYLE – 8:00 PM: RUBY is back for another season as we see the former 716 lb. gal continue to live the losing weight life and tugs on our heart-strings.

    BBC AMERICA – 8:00 PM: Miss the two-part story that served as the swan song for DAVID TENNANT’S great run as DOCTOR WHO? Tonight is your chance to catch it all.

    Will Wilkins was really entertained by the Letterman / Oprah / Leno Super Bowl spot.

  • TV Or Not TV: 2/1 – 2/7

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    Welcome to another edition of TV or Not TV where I love it when spin gets spun out of control.

    I’ve not said a lot when it comes to the recent NBC Prime Time / Late Night debacle because this is really a matter of people that have made millions off of NBC who are getting bitten by the same network as it tries to recover from some really bad decisions. My silence, however, has to be broken when it comes down to the Jay Leno / Oprah interview from this last Thursday because this interview was almost as bad of an idea as the Jay Leno at 10 PM decision was.

    First and foremost let me say that I think Jay Leno wasted his time with this interview and I think it was done far too soon after all of the NBC late night drama. Jay was hoping for some PR spin through this Oprah interview because he has been labeled as the bad guy. This perception, however, doesn’t matter in respect to him returning as the host of The Tonight Show. The people that used to watch The Tonight Show with Jay Leno will probably follow Jay back to The Tonight Show when he returns after the Winter Olympics because Middle America loves his non-confrontational and bland form of interviewing and entertainment. He’s their visual form of warm milk to take right before bed after they’ve watched their nightly news. This is the very reason that NBC wants to put him back into the Tonight Show driver seat.

    So why did he think it was such a good idea to go on Oprah so soon after Conan’s last show? He has to know there’s no way he can reclaim the devout “I’m with CoCo” people so those people have to be written off. I’m sure those people are also just a small portion of the actual viewing audience of The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien. I think that the real motivation is in the branding of “bad guy” that he’s been smacked with. This attitude is reflected in his interviewing style since he never asks the hard questions and always lobs up celebrity softball questions. Jay wants everyone to like him and wants us to think he’s just like us, just with a cooler job and a far better paycheck.

    Prior to the Oprah interview I was willing to not exactly think of Jay as the bad guy, instead just being more of an accomplice. The bad guy in this scenario is actually NBC in having such an extreme reaction to their own bad decision to try to keep both Conan and Jay five years ago in a bid to avoid another David Letterman style defection to another network. The network also solidified it’s position as the bad guy for not really giving Conan a chance to grow in to The Tonight Show and have his audience build with him. Leno trailed Letterman in the ratings for almost three years before the Hugh Grant interview propelled him into a lead that the show held on to. Who knows what Conan would be doing a year from now?

    When it comes to The Tonight Show ratings I’d also like to point out that ever since Conan took over the show everyone and their brother knew that Leno would be premiering at 10:00 PM. In a completely un-scientific fashion I can tell you that for every commercial I saw for Conan’s The Tonight Show I saw there were at least 10 teaser commercials for The Jay Leno Show. How much of the former The Tonight Show audience was not giving Conan a chance while waiting to see what the forthcoming Jay Leno Show had to offer? I think it is also fair to compare Conan’s ratings to before and after the premiere of The Jay Leno Show where his bad ratings caused a drop in NBC affiliate local 11:00 PM news, which also translates as a lead in for Conan’s The Tonight Show, doesn’t it?

    Wait, didn’t Leno say something about affiliate complaints in his whine-fest during the Oprah interview? Yes he did, but the context he used it in was the following when asked if he thought by going back he was taking away Conan’s dream, “By going back to “The Tonight Show,” did he ever think that he was “taking away Conan’s dream?” “No. Because this is an affiliate decision. Affiliates felt that the ratings were low.” Now I’m now TV expert but this almost make Jay seem to be as well informed as Sara Palin regarding what paper she reads. The only thing I ever heard about affiliates complaints were that after The Jay Leno Show premiered the affiliates experienced up to a 49% drop in audience with their new lead in when compared to 10 PM dramas filled the time slot. Affiliates sell local ad time during their news with very little sold during 10 PM or after the 11:30 PM time slots. Don’t try and take a bit of information and twist it around to try to say that the affiliates were the driving force behind this. Oh, and Leno, what’s with this comment that Conan’s ratings were “destructive to the franchise”? Didn’t you just say in August of 2009 that you too were http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/11/jay-leno-defends-conans-r_n_256910.html beat up in the ratings early on in your The Tonight Show tenure? I guess your perspective is dictated by whatever the current corporate line is.

    Five years ago Leno was a victim, that’s true. The executives of NBC told him that they were giving the show that he loved to Conan to keep him from getting away. I’m sure there were plenty of corporate yes men that also surrounded Jay with smoke and sunshine to make him believe that the 10:00 PM time slot would be the greatest TV innovation of all time. The truth of the matter though is that he had his run and he had his time. I’d have far more respect for him if he hadn’t agreed to the 11:35 time slot move just on the word of NBC that they were either “75% sure Conan would go for it” or that they would “talk to him tomorrow” (both of which he has said, which one is it though?). The moral thing to do would have been to wait to see how Conan would feel about this, but then again I’m talking about the guy who in conjunction with his former manager set up the situation to essentially force Johnny Carson out of The Tonight Show.

    Don’t blow smoke up our ass Jay and make us think that you weren’t a part of this and don’t try to claim you were a victim. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that we’re just not buying it. Your Oprah interview did only one thing for me, it re-enforced for me that you are looking out for #1 and that’s about as far as your interest goes.

    OK, now that I’ve said my piece on this let’s move on to what else that our television viewing options are for the week.

    MONDAY

    TLC – 8:00 PM: Two hours of CAKE BOSS followed by an ULTIMATE CAKE OFF? Seriously TLC, I’m trying to lose weight here and you’re just an enabler!

    LOGO – 9:00 PM: Putting Kathy Griffin into the mix as a guest judge on the second season premiere of RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE may have made this one a must watch for me this week.

    ABC – 10:00 PM: After the last two episodes I can’t tell you just how disappointing it is to me that this week’s CASTLE is a repeat from earlier this season.

    TUESDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: The Peacock brings us the last hour of last week’s THE BIGGEST LOSER followed by this week’s two hour episode. What could they possibly be trying to counter-program against? Oh yeah…

    ABC – 8:00 PM: LOST is back with a one-hour “get you all caught up on the past five years” of the show before the two hour season premiere at 9:00 PM. Yeah, I’ll be glued to my seat and confused as all hell by 11:00 PM.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: VICTORIA BECKHAM is back tonight as a guest judge to creepily not emote very much in response to the contestants.

    WEDNESDAY

    NBC – 8:00 PM: The good about MERCY? James Van Der Beek joins the class (the DAWSON!) The bad? I haven’t watched MERCY yet so I have no idea what this means.

    FOX – 8:00 PM: The good about HUMAN TARGET? Jackie Earle Haley. The bad? Just about everything else (accept Chi McBride as well).

    ABC – 9:00 PM: The good about MODERN FAMILY? Minnie Driver guests (and everything else). The bad? That we have to wait another week for a new episode.

    THURSDAY

    CBS – 8:00 PM: How do you get everyone ready for the special SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS? Put together a clip show and call it SURVIVING SURVIVOR.

    NBC – 9:00 PM: Kathy Bates guests as the CEO of the company that buys the parent company of THE OFFICE. How awesome would it be if she played the role as her role from MISERY?

    COMEDY – 10:30 PM: THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM returns for it’s third season with Sarah growing a disturbingly thick mustache and her sister falsely telling her she was born with both sex organs. OK, I get it, I’m not supposed to watch this show sober at all am I?

    FRIDAY

    THE CW – 8:00 PM: Two hours of SMALLVILLE try to combat the Friday dull drums with special guest Pam Grier.

    BBCA – 8:00 PM: My inner 13 year just giggles every time I see MY BIG BREASTS AND ME on the schedule.

    SYFY – 9:00 PM: I have no idea what happens tonight on CAPRICA, but I’ll still be watching.

    SATURDAY

    AMC – 8:00 PM: If you’ve never seen SILVERADO than give this a chance instead of all of the other crud that is being offered tonight.

    TBS – 9:00 PM: OK, SILVERADO too butch for you? How about MEAN GIRLS instead?

    NBC – 11:30 PM: How do you follow-up an amazing appearance last week by JON HAMM on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE? Completely underwhelm the audience with ASHTON KUTCHER is my guess right now.

    SUNDAY

    CBS – 6:30 PM E / 3:30 PM P: This year I’ll ask the same question I always do about THE SUPERBOWL: which commercial will be the one I think is the best?

    ANIMAL PLANET – 6:00 PM E / 3:30 PM P: Yes, I know, based on my SUPERBOWL comment above you think I should just be watching the PUPPY BOWL.

    ABC – 8:00 PM: From 8 to 10 a repeat of MODERN FAMILY tops each hour, followed up by two back-to-back episodes at 10 PM. If you haven’t seen this great show yet here’s your chance to pace yourself.

    Will Wilkins will please stand by. Â