Tag: tv listings

MONDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: Tonight, regardless of the real title, it’s CHUCK vs. JACK BAUER.

FOX – 8:00 PM: 24 has become so cliche that I’ll just link to this drinking game to make the show more enjoyable.

THE CW – 9:00 PM: Tonight in the series premiere of LIFE UNEXPECTED a 15 year old in the foster care system gets herself legally emancipated and tracks down her biological parents. It’s got a strong cast so this one shows some promise.

TUESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: SHANIA TWAIN fills the PAULA seat tonight as the auditions continue on AMERICAN IDOL.

NBC – 8:00 PM: Tonight on THE BIGGEST LOSER a contestant threatens to quit. How exactly do you make a threat for leaving a show that saves your life?

USA – 10:00 PM: After the mid-season finale of WHITE COLLAR‘s big cliff-hanger I’m sure a lot of people are looking forward to tonight’s premiere.

WEDNESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Really I feel cheap and dirty mentioning AMERICAN IDOL twice but KRISTIN CHENOWITH is PAULA today.

ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: OK, I looked up and down the schedule. I’m just not in to much that’s on so I’ll probably watch PIXAR SHORT FILMS again.

THURSDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Two words can best describe why I’d recommend tonight’s episode of BONES: DIEDRICH BADER.

ABC – 8:00 PM: Great looking lawyers in a cut-throat law firm. ABC’s description is L.A. Law meets GREY’S ANATOMY. Great job refrencing a show over 15 years old guys. Way to keep it fresh.

USA – 10:00 PM: BURN NOTICE returns and now instead of finding out who burned him MICHAEL WESTON has to find out who might be out to kill him, all while eatting nothing but yogurt.

FRIDAY

FOX, ABC, NBC, CBS – 8:00 PM: Celebrities raise money for the earthquake-ravaged nation with the two hour telethon HOPE FOR HAITI. ‘nuf said.

SYFY – 9:00 PM: The big BSG prequel CAPRICA premieres tonight. Yeah, I’m going to give it a try.

STARZ – 10:00 PM: The STARZ original series SPARTACUS takes a 300 inspired approach to telling the story of the main character.

SATURDAY

TBS – 8:00 PM: THE SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS garners so much respect it airs on TBS. Way to go SAG.

COMEDY – 10:00 PM: ARTIE LANGE’s JACK & COKE re-airs tonight. Stay strong Artie, there’s a lot of us pulling for you.

SUNDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: A special two hour EXTREME MAKEOVER: HOME EDITION means they plan on tugging on the heart strings in a big way.

Welcome to another very special edition of TV or Not TV where I’m completely kicked in the gut by Dollhouse and I’m not at all surprised about what has become of The Jay Leno Show.

Folks, there is no way for me to talk about this past Friday night’s episode of Dollhouse, “GETTING CLOSER”, without being spoilerish. So I’m telling you right now that if you haven’t watched it yet and you are going to you’ll want to bookmark this now and come back later.

So last night in the episode GETTING CLOSER a few key things happened. None of them really matter except for one big one and that was the reveal that Boyd Langton is one of the two people that started the Rossum corporation and is the one that is orchestrating everything in the company.  The reveal was amazing, the reveal was jaw dropping and the reveal was… confusing.

The confusion for me occurs on many different levels. Already the Internet chatter is referring to this reveal as Boyd being the “big bad” and “evil” which I’m still kind of unclear on. Yes, clearly, this reveal sheds an entirely different light on the character itself and makes the entire series worth re-watching in trying to decipher Boyd‘s actions and motiviations. No one leads an entirely different life that isn’t up to something and usually those type of deceptive actions aren’t good. Even with all of this evidence at hand we see Boyd, moments before the big reveal, break the neck of an infiltrating security team member and telling Echo to “hang in there.” Even in his big reveal he says that she is special and will help them in ways she’ll never understand, which is the same thing that everyone else pretty much has been saying. Huh?

OK, I can see snapping the security guys neck if he is running his own company from the shadows. It also goes in line with what is said during the reveal when he tells her that no harm will come to her. Trying to make sense of the rest, however, takes us back to the previous episode THE ATTIC (and some of the Season 1 home video exclusive EPITAPH ONE). The ability to imprint without Active Architecture technology that Topher was able to invent is eventually sold as a weapon to allow an entire city of people to be converted to whatever you want them to be: soldiers for your cause, insurgants, anything. Maybe Boyd had a long term plan that some how involved Echo being able to spark the creativity to get to that point in Topher originally. Even that is a bit of a conjecture stretch since Clyde in the attic said that there was a 97% chance of remote imprinting leading to the downfall of civiliation and pure chaos. With only a 3% likelyhood that the tech couldn’t get out of hand means that Boyd planned on Echo being his failsafe in restoring order should things go nutty. I really don’t know. Like I said earlier I’m just trying to make sense of it. Not an easy task at all.

I don’t know if this big reveal was something that was conceived all along or a bit of genius that they were able to come up with a few episodes ago when they knew the show was winding up but I’m loving the thrill ride that we are on and I’m both sad that the show was cancelled but I’m so excited by the results.

Speaking of shows that got cancelled how about The Jay Leno Show? I can’t say that I’m surprised at all since this prime time experiment was clearly one of the greatest network programming snafu’s imaginable. The part about all of this that amazes me is how arm chair critics could all predict, before the show even premiered, that the greatest problem the show would produce is lousy lead in ratings to local affiliate news and the execs and NBC couldn’t foreshadow it.

I think, however, that the mistakes seem to keep on rolling. Now NBC is talking to the entire late night entertainment line up to see if they can get everyone to play nice so they can some how keep LENO by giving him a 30 minute show at 11:35 followed by The Tonight Show at 12:05 and Late Night at 1:05.  Really NBC? So you marginalized the guys impact by having him fail at 10:00 PM and now you are just hoping you can get back the ratings you are losing to Letterman by moving him back? Even better why not further alienate the subsequent shows so that when their contracts expire they go running right into the arms of a competitor? BRILLIANT! All of this just to keep Leno in the fear that he’ll go elsewhere? You’ve already tarnished whatever good name he had, let him go already!

OK, I’ve said my piece. Let’s get down to the nitty gritty of what’s on TV this week.

MONDAY

CBS – 8:00 PM: It’s the big 100th episode of How I Met Your Mother. After the previous 99 other episodes will we really be any closer to meeting this guys wife? Nope.

NBC – 8:00 PM: If you didn’t get your fill of Chuck than you’re in luck because there’s another episode tonight! Chuck me if that isn’t just Chuck-tastic.

FOX – 9:00 PM: OK, I have no idea how Fringe could have an un-aired episode from last season but it did and it airs tonight.

NBC – 9:00 PM: Heroes, yeah, ok, seriously… who cares?

TUESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Is there anything that really needs to be said about the return of American Idol?

NBC – 8:00 PM: It’s the second week on The Biggest Loser so this week they find out just how badly their weight is affecting their body AND they might barely lose weight or even gain it. Who knows?

ABC – 8:30 PM: Another week where Better Off Ted owns the :30 of each hour. I love it.

WEDNESDAY

TNT – 12:00 PM: How do you gear up for a new episode of Leverage? How about an 8 hour marathon? 

FOX – 8:00 PM: OK, there is one thing to say about the return of American Idol. Letting some of these people through to the auditon in front of the judges is just malicious and cruel.

ABC – 9:00 PM: After Claire finds dirty pics on the family PC Phil has some ‘splaining to do on Modern Family.

THURSDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: Look, tonight is stunt casting nigth on NBC. Jack Black on  Community, Will Arnett on Parks & Recreation, and James Franco on 30 Rock. Oh yeah, no new The Office.

FOX – 8:00 PM: Bones goes alien tonight with The X in the File.

FX – 8:00 PM: If you haven’t already seen it why not take in The Simpsons Movie?

TMC – 8:00 PM: OK, maybe Donnie Brasco instead?

FRIDAY

THE CW – 8:00 PM: Must be close to the return of Smallville with tonight’s two episodes that aired right before the break.

FOX – 9:00 PM: The Hollow Man is the next to last ep of Dollhouse. My guess is that they are talkign about Boyd  in the title. Maybe?

SATURDAY

USA – 4:30 PM: A tough-guys-cold-heart-gets-melted-by-little-kids marathon hits with The Pacifier followed by The Game Plan. I’m sure it is all brought to you by The Spy Next Door (or Tooth Fairy).

NBC – 8:00 PM: I’ve never seen a single episode Mercy but the repeat tonight’s title is one of the best I’ve ever seen. I Saw this Pig and I Thought of You.

SUNDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: Golden Globes will probably own the night. I’ll be interested to see what Ricky Gervais does with it.

FOX – 8:00 PM: How do you counter program The Golden Globes? Pure adrenaline. FOX rolls out Human Target and this new show I hear mixed reviews about called 24.

ABC – 9:00 PM: Are they really going to make Katherine sane on Desperate Housewives. Didn’t know you could come back that far from the deep end.

– Will Wilkins approved this message.

Welcome to another year of TV or Not TV where I’m amazed at what I will sit around and watch.

This past week I was on vacation, but not the traditional vacation that you might invision. Some people like to go away from their home for several days and wear themselves out running around and doing things under the guise of having fun. Clearly, explained that way, you can see what I mean by that not being a vacation. Who can relax with all those activities and other nonsense? Not me. I did what every sane person would do: I took time off of work and I stayed home.

In the interest of full disclosure I have to tell you that the majority of the time what I really spent my time doing was getting immersed in the world of the Lego Star Wars saga. Yes the prequels sucked but when you play them in Lego fashion they are actually quite entertaining, but I digress.

When I wasn’t busy using the force I was watching movies on Blu-Ray, DVD and my Roku box. I watched all kinds of movies ranging from…. oh wait, this is a TV column and not a movie review column. Nuts. There went what I planned on writing about.

All kidding aside what I love doing when I’m spending vacation at home during a holiday break is to find marathons of TV shows to get my couch potato on with. The only problem with hunting out these marathons is that they have to involve shows I haven’t already watched. What is the sense of sitting around the house and watching things you’ve already watched (like all five season of LOST…. hey, I have an excuse! The show is almost over)? This puts the viewing options back on the lap of DVD or some accidental discovery. Thanks to A&E I had one such accidental discovery.

Last Wednesday I sat around just about the entire day watching DOG the Bounty Hunter. I, in my vaguest of memories, did peripherally watch one episode of this show while surfing my laptop. I didn’t pay it much mind. This time I got sucked in to the show.

Early on in the marathon the show was really entertaining as DOG and his crew played their game of cat and mouse with bail jumpers in both Hawaii and Denver, Colorado.  DOG and his family also provided plenty of entertainment on their own both while on the chase and off. For at least two solid hours I was completely hooked.

Somewhere around hour three I started to realize that what was really happening was me being sucked in to edited and fabricated drama. Most of the time you spend watching the show the cat and mouse action doesn’t really exist. What you have is lots of cat action, where the cat is looking for a mouse but might not be in the right place and right time and even though the cat seems to be doing a lot to give the impression that something is happening even when it isn’t. Finally the cat is in the right spot at the right time, there’s a quick pounce, and the cat has the mouse and then attempts to perform an intervention with the mouse to explain to the mouse how it has been living life wrong as a mouse before it eventually lets the mouse go. After I came to this realization (and really crappy analogy) I felt the same way I do after eating an entire tray of brownies: very unfulfilled and I realized I just spent my time doing something that won’t benefit me.

What did I learn from this? Nothing really, it’s TV for gosh sakes. It’s not trying to teach me a thing. It just helps distract me when I eat brownies.

Now that we’ve taken that very odd turn let’s see what the exciting world of television has to offer to us.

MONDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: It’s a brand new season and train wreck as The Bachelor starts up again with a pilot looking for his one true… uh… whatever she is. They’ve even yucked it up by calling it On the Wings of Love. Maybe I’ll try to stomach watching it this season.

NBC – 8:00 PM: I know, why am I recommending Heroes still? I have on idea really. I’m just curious to see what they do to send of Nathan now that he’s been dead since last season.

ABC – 10:00 PM: I wonder how the great entertainers of the golden age of television would feel to know that one day a reality show named Conveyor Belt of Love would exist.

TUESDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: It’s a New Year and a new season of The Biggest Loser. This season is all about family couples and just like seasons past they are bringing out some of the biggest contestants we’ve ever seen. I’m in, as always.

ABC – 8:00 PM: If you can stomach the new Scrubs at the top of each hour you can enjoy two episodes of Better Off Ted at the bottom of each hour.

HIST – 10:00 PM: Life After People returns with an examination of what happens to the relics of religion over time if humans suddenly were to disappear. I just hope the Shroud of Turin doesn’t become a pigeon’s nest.

WEDNESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Two more repeats of Glee fill in until American Idol returns.

CBS – 8:00 PM: Celebrities try to fool the public into thinking they are regular schlubs like us performing menial jobs in I Get That a Lot.

FX – 10:00 PM: The final season of Nip/Tuck premieres tonight. Wait, didn’t the last season end like three weeks ago?!?

THURSDAY

SYFY – 5:00 PM: 8 hours of Chuck repeats from season 2 tries to get us in the mood for the Buy More employee’s return on the 10th! Everything else is in repeats anyway so this is good watching people.

VH1 – 10:00 PM: Celebrity Rehab returns with Dr. Drew trying to help Heidi Fleiss, her former beau Tom Sizemore, Dennis Rodman and fresh off her shocking book tour Mackenzie Phillips. I feel like I need a shower after just typing about this one.

FRIDAY

TCM – 6:00 AM: Today Elvis would have been 75, so TCM is rolling out an all day marathon of his movies.

FOX – 9:00 PM: They are setting the stage for the beginning of the end on Dollhouse tonight. ’nuff said?

ABC – 9:00 PM: The vicious panel of would-be investors returns with tonight’s return of Shark Tank.

SATURDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: If you are beating yourself up over missing the season premiere of The Bachelor than ABC is giving you a second chance tonight.

BBCA – 8:00 PM: If you missed the premiere of Demons after the final David Tennant episode of Dr. Who last night you have a chance to catch it again tonight before the second ep airs at 9.

SUNDAY

FOX – 8:30 PM: Super Size Me documentarian Morgan Spurlock delves deep into Springfield’s most famous family in The Simpsons 20th Anniversary Special: In 3D! On Ice!

TLC – 9:oo PM: Harrison Ford narrates Brace for Impact where we hear Captain Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger III and others recount the Hudson River landing of US Airways Flight 1549.

NBC – 9:00 PM: It’s the two hour season premiere of the upgraded Chuck flunking out of spy school. Grab Subway for dinner if you’re glad the show is back.

– Will Wilkins just met Fred.

 

Welcome to another edition of TV or Not TV where I apperently beat myself to the punch.

After breaking out the family copy of It’s a Wonderful Life and sobbing uncontrollably I was ready to come here and extole the virtues of this movie that I still love after all of these years. I drafted several paragraphs talking about this movie and just when I sat down to commit them all here at Quick Stop Entertainment I discovered, to my horror, that I had already written about the movie this same time last year!

Even though I clearly was in a smiliar frame of mind this time last year I looked back at last year’s article and find that I really scratched the surface of why I enjoy this holiday classic. I talked a bit about the plot, I talked a bit about what the film means to me, but what I really found was someone that was clearly not writing from the heart but was instead writing to meet a deadline. It happens from time to time. I sit down with the best of intentions but, usually, I’m well behind and I just try to crank out a few paragraphs to get to the listings so I can put the week behind me.

I have to say, however, that I just can’t do that this year. Even though I’ve written about it I also just can’t not write about It’s a Wonderful Life this year. I’ve already put in a few paragraphs that would be a decent buffer before my snarky comments on the shows for this week,  but for some reason I connected with this movie a lot more than years past.

When it comes to watching this film you could always count on Sam Wainwright‘s telegram choking me up, as well as seeing all of the townsfolk helping George Bailey out in his time of need. This year, however, the waterworks began well before that. Seeing the young George walk in to Mr. Gower’s drug store I already started to get choked up. I’ve seen the movie more years than not, I know what is coming with every single frame of the film, but this year I found the same thing happening with several scenes.

Part of what was happening with me might be the appreciate that can only come with age. It’s a Wonderful Life captures several era’s that truly were simpler  and more innocent times. Seeing these moments on film must have made me reflect on my own simpler times as a child. I am sure that many of you from my generation can remember leaving the house during a summer morning and having only two requirements: be back for lunch and be back before the street lights come on. Our parents could trust us out in the world, having our own adventures, having our own fun. In today’s world I wouldn’t trust my daughter to be safe 10 minutes alone in my front yard let alone riding all over the neighborhood on her bike. Simpler and more innocent times, indeed.

Watching the film I probably realized that I’m somewhere in the ballpark of having an equal number of years behind me as I do ahead of me (at least I hope) and I see the things that George does, the sacrifices he makes for his family and the greater good, and I start to wonder if I too have been making the right choices in life that will benefit my family and the lives that I’ve come to touch. Have I had a positive influence? Have I contributed to the greater good? Who would think that a movie could lead to deep innner-self examination?

There is, also, one solid reason to having the emotional reaction to this movie that I did. Two years ago my father passed and the holidays are very tough times as is. He’s not there to share my thoughts with any more, at least not directly. I miss him and so many of the eras depicted in It’s a Wonderful Life I remember my Dad commenting on when we would watch the movie, since he had lived through a few of them. Even though I hadn’t realized it at the time I now know that my wanting to watch It’s a Wonderful Life so much this year was because I wanted to reconnect with my father again, and through this movie I was able to.

I hope all of you that are nice enought to take the time to read this column have a great holiday season. Appreciate your loved ones that you have around, watch the TV shows or movies that remind you of them if they aren’t, and remember truly It’s a Wonderful Life.

Now that I’ve set my emotional baggage out there for your to read let’s take a trip throught he listings that are available this week.

MONDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: I’ve still never been to Needles, CA but Snoopy’s brother Spike drops by from there for I Want a Dog For Christmas, Charlie  Brown!

NBC – 8:00 PM: Last week I’m sure I mocked The Sing-Off however I watched it every night it was on last week and tonight’s finale has got me as well. I’ll put my money on NOTA to win.

TUESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Did you miss Carrie Underwood: An All-Star Christmas Special the first time around? Yeah, me too. Gonna watch it this time? Yeah, me either.

ABC FAMILY- 8:30 PM: With the holidays comes nastalgia, and with nastalgia I sugged Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Trust me, the snozzberries DO taste like snozzberries.

WEDNESDAY

SPIKE – 9:00 AM: If you really want to torture yourself you can take in all the Star Wars Prequels back-to-back-to-back not once but twice in one day! Befre you do, however, I strongly suggest watching The Phantom Menace Review‘s full seven parts.

CBS – 8:00 PM: Just when you thought there couldn’t possibly be time for another celebrity concert on TV The 11th Annual A Home for the Holidays with Faith Hill sucker punches you.

ABC – 8:00 PM: If you haven’t gotten your Who on yet than you’ve got one last chance to take in Dr. Suess’ How The Grinch Stole Christmas.

THURSDAY

FMC – 3:00 PM: I don’t know who thought that Home Alone would be a great holiday movie to have playing for the next 36 hours, but it’s gonna happen regardless.

NBC – 8:00 PM: Yup, it’s Christmas Eve so they’ve rolled out the Frank Capra classic It’s a Wonderful Life to try to make me sob one more time.

TBS – 8:00 PM: For the 13th straight year Ralphie‘s quest for an official Red Ryder carbine-action two-hundred-shot range model air rifle in A Christmas Story is on a 24 hour loop to bring more cheer to your holiday.

FRIDAY

ABC – 9:00 AM: If you just can’t wait to see Ryan Seacrest on December 31st than you can see him as the host of Disney Parks Christmas Day Parade.

SPIKE – 9:00 AM: SPIKE goes the A Christmas Story route with Bad Santa for 18 hours.

NBC – 8:00 PM: Nothing says home for the holidays like a sack of  Schwetty Balls. Don’t believe me? Here’s your second chance to watch Saturday Night Live Presents: A Very Gilly Christmas. Yeah it’s hit or miss but it’s better than… um… I really don’t know.

SATURDAY

E! – 8:00 PM: I guess it was inevitable since the network was featured in Knocked Up that it would eventually air on E!

BBC AMERICA – 9:00 PM: It’s the next to last installment of David Tennant in Dr. Who: The End of Time Part 1.

SUNDAY

ABC – 7:00 PM: OK, this may finally be the year that I watch The Sound of Music. Maybe.

AMC – 8:00 PM: Another of my favorite movies I was too young to appreciate is Jeremiah Johnson.

ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: Can someone out there please explain to me how Billy Madison qualifies as family programming?

– Will Wilkins never thought it was such a bad little tree.

Welcome to another edition of TV or Not TV where it’s time to say good-bye to the DEFECTIVE DETECTIVE.

I have to admit that when MONK originally premiered I hadn’t seen it. Thankfully a lazy Sunday and a marathon that first season enabled me to catch up very quickly with the show and I admit that from the pilot on I was hooked.

The most important thing about MONK was that it consistently kept me entertained. Tony Shalloub never had me doubt he was Adrian Monk and I enjoyed every moment of pain that he put into each awkward moment that his character had to endure.  I was a fan of his cab driving character on WINGS however that character seems long faded from my mind as I now, and probably forever, will recognize Shalloub as Monk.

Another actor who always turned in a great performance, and who has had me forget the other character he was well known for, is Ted Levine as Captain Leland Stottlemeyer. In the beginning of the show there seemed to be more annoyance in his dealings with Monk, however over time the characters have evolved and the adoration and respect that Stottlemeyer has for Monk has really come across over the last three seasons. Congrats Ted Levine for finding the role that would shake the recognition Buffalo Bill earned you all those silent lambs ago.

As a show MONK also overcame lots of changes that many shows aren’t able to overcome. The exit of Bitty Schram in the third season as Monk’s assistant Sherona could have sunk the show if fan’s hadn’t embraced Traylor Howard’s Natlie Teeger. Howard’s own pregnancy introduced challenges to the production. Most notable in hurdles to overcome was the unexpected loss of Stanley Kamel as Monk’s therapist Dr. Kroger. Thankfully quality is able to overcome any hurdle and this show did so in spades.

Although Shalloub has said that he feels that eight seasons is enough and he feels good about the end of the series I think if his character were given the option he’d want to go for at least two more seasons. You know, because it’s 10.

Given the return of Dollhouse this week on Friday as well I’m going to be very torn on what I watch live and what I watch on DVR. Given our long relationship maybe I’ll be spending the evening with MONK one last time.

Now that I’m done talking about a fictional detective let’s investigate what this week’s television viewing holds for us.

MONDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: ABC gives us a one-two punch with the classic How The Grinch Stole Christmas followed by the newer and not so classic Shrek the Halls. With a six-year-old I’ll be watching like it or not.

NBC – 8:00 PM: Time to finally say good-bye to Nathan on HEROES, that is if you are still even watching.

AMC – 8:00 PM: Speaking of holiday classics I hope you all might agree that National Lampoons Christmas Vacation fits the bill.

TUESDAY

NBC/ABC – 8 E/5P: There is one good thing about tonight’s Presidential Address, it is forcing NBC to not air The Jay Leno Show. I guess that’s the second turkey the president has repriteved in under a week.

ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: Tonight the ABC FAMILY network kicks off their 25 Days of Christmas with the cable premiere of The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause. I hope this isn’t setting the bar too low.

NBC – 9:00 PM: Tonight we will finally find out who two out of the three final contestants are on The Biggest Loser.

ABC – 9:00 PM: After a great series finale last season it turns out Scrubs only had a season finale. A few old faces are back to try to beat the dead horse just a bit more.

CBS – 10:00 PM: I have yet to watch The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show and I don’t think I’ll be breaking the streak this year either.

WEDNESDAY

ABC FAMILY – 7:00 PM: Some of the most entertaining short films you may never have seen are free for you to view tonight with Pixar Short Films.

CBS – 8:00 PM: Outcasts and misfits alike can rejoice with tonight’s airing of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

FOX – 9:00 PM: There’s only one more episode after this one for Glee so either prepare for a heck of a winter finale or be relieved you won’t be hearing about the show for a while.

DISCOVERY – 9:00 PM: Tonight on MythBusters they test out two myths, inluding Antacid Jail Break. Sounds more like what was going on in my stomach last Thursday.

THURSDAY

FX – 8:00 PM: I think that Deck the Halls will, over time, prove never to be a holiday classic.

ABC FAMILY – 8:30 PM: I remember when The Polar Express first came out the visuals were just creepy. Five years later the opinion hasn’t changed.

NBC – 9:00 PM: Tonight’s episode of The Office is titled Scott’s Tots and Michael has to tell some kids he made a promise too ten years ago that he can’t hold up his end of the deal. At his most awkward is when he is at the best of his worst.

FRIDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Even though Dollhouse hasn’t been picked up for anything more than this season’s original 13 episode order (I just can’t bring myself to say cancelled), the show is back all December long for 2 hours every Friday night. Strap in for a thrill ride folks.

ABC – 8:00 PM: What better way to promote the upcoming release of The Princess and the Frog than to bundle it in a nostalgic look back at 75 years in Dreams Come True: A Celebration of Disney Animation.

USA – 8:00 PM: If you didn’t watch Monk last week than you can watch the series finale of one of cables most entertaining shows the way I feel it was meant to be watched. Good-bye Adrian and thank you for 8 amazing years.

SATURDAY

COMEDY – 8:00 PM: Two reasons to watch Comedy Central tonight. Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder followed by Hot Fuzz. How’s that for a slice of fried gold?

FMC – 9:00 PM: Yes I can definitely say an airing of Miller’s Crossing may be enough to divert my attention.

USA – 9:00 PM: One night you are airing the series finale of one of cable’s most entertaining shows and the next you are airing I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

SUNDAY

FX – 8:00 PM: If they can have Christmas in July why can’t we have 4th of July in December? If you’re with me than tune in for Live Free or Die Hard.

FMC – 8:00 PM: If last night’s viewing of Hot Fuzz peaked your interest in seeing Point Break again than tonight you are in luck.

ABC – 9:00 PM: Seriously, Wisteria Lane has got to be one of the un-safest fictional places to live. Think I’m wrong? Tonight the Desperate Housewives a plane crashes there.

– If Will Wilkins woke up tomorrow with his head sewn to the carpet he wouldn’t be more surprised than he is right now.

 

Welcome to another edition of TV or Not TV where I’m just plain confused thinking about LOST.

In case you didn’t hear last week the premiere date for LOST’s sixth and final season has been set in stone on February 2nd, 2010. After we just encountered the trippy time travel season I have to chuckle at the fact that the season premiere is on Groundhog’s Day, which is now a day almost synonymous with the time repeating day from the movie of the same title. I’m sure this is completely coincidental and if not the choice of the day has to be completely tongue in cheek.

Even thought his next season coming up is the final season it probably will be one of the most confusing as well. Unfortunately I am one of those Internet addicts that just can’t seem to stay away from TV news spoilers so I am unfortunately aware of scenes that have been shot for the final season, partly due to my appreciation of Ryan and Jen’s THE TRANSMISSION podcast, and I really hope some of what I’ve learned turns out to be a very elaborate and expensive prank performed to throw Internet snoops off. Sadly reality dictates that this isn’t likely.

I’m not actually going to talk about some of these things that I’ve learned and instead I’m going to set them all aside and pretend that I don’t even know them. Instead I wanted to talk a little bit about possibilities. Where could this all possibly go based on what we saw and what we know? How will this new season possibly start and where will the time travelling LOSTies that were thrown back to the 70’s find themselves after last season’s finale? Also be forewarned, if you haven’t seen the fifth season of LOST and plan to this will ruin things for you so you may just want to skip ahead to the TV listings.

As those of us that watched the season finale we know that two distinct things were going on at once. We had a story unfolding in 1977 and we had a story unfolding in 2007 (as well as a bunch of flashbacks to the mysterious JACOB popping up in the lives of the show’s characters at some point or another, but that part we don’t need to focus on). The events of one story actually lend to some of my thoughts on the other story. I suppose I should actually get into the dissection now, huh?

The first big question that everyone has, after seeing the finale, is if setting off JUGHEAD at the future location of the SWAN station successfully somehow changed things for everyone in the future? The principal that I think they were trying to play out with this line of thought was that the INCIDENT that tapped into the strong electro-magnetic anamoly that would necessitate the need to further dissipate the energy from that anomoly every 108 miniutes would be undone. No one would have to enter the numbers into the computer, DESMOND wouldn’t have to be there to accidentally not enter the numbers on time and OCEANIC FLIGHT 815 wouldn’t be hit with that same energy and crash on the ISLAND. Cause and effect, right?

If we take the above theory to be true, the ripple effects that occur bend my brain and make me feel a little wonky. If OCEANIC FLIGHT 815 never crashed on the ISLAND than none of the events that we have seen up to this point have transpired. No WALT getting snatched off a raft, no LOCKE being obsessed with opening the hatch, no OCEANIC 6 getting off the ISLAND right before BEN turns the frozen donkey wheel and starting the time hopping on the ISLAND. The time travelling not happening is probably one of the most important elements because it means that no one goes back in time, BEN doesn’t get shot by SAYID and possibly never joins THE OTHERS since he had no wound to be healed. Could all of this possibly happen? Can all that we’ve known be undone in a flash of solid white light?

For the long time LOST viewer I don’t really have a solid answer. The fifth season proved that the writers and producers of the show really are capable of taking this show in any damn direction that is possible. I think that there are also certain hints that this isn’t the exact direction that they will be taking the last season of the show based on the story that was occuring on the ISLAND in the “present” story line set in 2007. LOCKE (or Evil Locke, Un-Locke or whatever you want to call him), SUN and FRANK are all on the ISLAND in a future where they are handed a photo from 1977 showing their friends as members of the DHARMA INITIATIVE. This means that they are living in a time line where their friends have already bene back to 1977. Whatever events that happened in 1977 have already transpired in their past, they have played out because it’s already 30 years later. SUN is still on the ISLAND looking for JIN when she’s handed that picture so she’s already been through her entire ordeal. I have to cling to this as the item of hope that they won’t try to do an entire reset for the last season. To be honest this show always has so much going on I really don’t think I can handle any new information.

Now that I’ve pontificated about nothing important at all let’s get on to something else in no way important… this week’s TV offerings!

MONDAY

CBS – 8:00 PM: During this time of year we get to enjoy many holiday television traditions and it would appear that How I Met Your Mother is starting their own as we get another year of Slapsgiving2: Revenge of the Slap.

NBC – 8:00 PM: I may have broken up with Heroes a little too soon since tonight the most awkward family Thanksgiving will be happening at the Petrelli home. How do you handle eating dinner with the woman that covered up your own death while dealing with having a serial killer stuck in your head? I’m sure if they can get to dessert it will be fine, pumpkin pie cures all.

TLC – 9:00 PM: After many seaons and an entire year of tabloid torture the series finale of Jon & Kate Plus 8 is finally here. If this means I never have to hear the name Jon Gosselin again I’ll be happy.

TUESDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: Just when things on V are getting really good ABC does what any good network does: put the show on hiatus until March. Didn’t hurt Prison Break their first season though.

NBC – 8:00 PM: It’s the contestant’s last week on the ranch on The Biggest Loser so be sure to bring a tissue because this will be a real tear jerker.

WEDNESDAY

DISC – 7:00 PM: Even though some of it are repeats there’s nothing like four hours of MythBusters.

FOOD – 7:00 PM: In a panic about how to prepare your bird for the big day? Procrastinators out there may take something away from Dear Food Network: Thanksgiving Turkey.

NBC – 8:00 PM: If Tuesday’s showing of The Biggest Loser wasn’t enough to guilt you ahead of time for Thanksgiving than this special Where Are They Now? edition won’t help much as we see the people that have kept the weight off, and the few that haven’t.

THURSDAY

NBC – 9:00 AM: Two years ago the entire nation was Rick Rolled by the Cartoon Network float at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. What will happen this year? Based on the AMA’s let’s hope Adam Lambert won’t be on a float.

FOX – 8:00 PM: It would appear FOX is putting on their own holiday tradition with another holiday showing of Night at the Museum.

SCIENCE – 8:00 PM: In case you can’t wait for the gourd tossing goodness of Punkin Chunkin 2009 than you can watch Road to Punkin Chunkin to get the mood started. It’s so nice to see a competition where the nerdiest and the dirtiest of mankind can get together, isn’t it?

USA – 9:00 PM: It’s the first official season airing of the newer holiday classic Elf.

FRIDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: I still haven’t seen the edited-for-television cut of The 40-Year Old Virgin. Is it like 20 minutes long?

CBS – 9:00 PM: The whacky life of Medium continues as Alison is suddenly in a coma and her consciousness is trapped into the body of Jeffrey Tambor (Hank from The Larry Sanders Show). Better yet, he/she insists on staying home with the JOE and the kids. Hopefully he/she doesn’t want to spoon.

HIST – 8:00 PM: It may not be a holiday classic but there’s something to be said about Surviving the Holidays with Lewis Black.

SATURDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: If you missed Merry Madagascar than I’d recommend catching it this time around, especially since it is immediately followed by one of the best super hero movies to date: The Incredibles.

ABC FAMILY – 9:00 PM: One of the Peanuts specials that I used to look forward to every year as a child was Snoopy, Come Home. If you are in the mood you can catch this as well as A Boy Named Charlie Brown two hours prior at 7 PM.

USA – 9:00 PM: If you didn’t catch Elf yet this week this is your last chance until… well, next week I’m sure.

SUNDAY

ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: A cunning canine protects his owner’s home from two bumbling thieves in The Dog Who Saved Christmas. So is this HOME ALONE with a dog?

CBS – 9:00 PM: The dog theme continues as a mentally challenged man tries to find every pooch a home for the holidays in A Dog Named Christmas.

HGTV – 8:00 PM: Even though there is no dog directly involved their may be a shot of a guy in a PLUTO costume in Behind the Magic: Disney Holidays.

– Will Wilkins wrote this with visions of turkey and stuffing dancing in his head.

Welcome to another edition of TV or Not TV where I’m mad as heck and I’m not going to…. wait, I’m sorry, that one’s been used before.

After last week’s dissertation over the ABC show FASTFORWARD I have to admit that last week’s episode gave me new hope for the future of this show. When you look at what the characters were having to go through it gets kind of depressing to think that all of these characters were locked into the future that they saw. It was also a bit of a bummer to think that JOHN CHO’s character is completely and utterly doomed come March 15th. With last week’s episode we know that the future seen is not truly set in stone and now that the characters have glimpsed the future they do still appear to have some degree of free choice.

Another offering ABC gave us last week was the one hour premiere of the re-imagined V. I admit that the idea of a re-imagining of a somewhat hokey 80’s TV mini-series and show had me casting some doubts, even in light of the great run that BATTLESTAR GALACTICA had on SYFY. The mini-series was OK, the TV show fell flat, however, because the premise didn’t really stretch out real well.

After seeing the first episode of V I think that the only real complaint that I had about it was that I think they were limited by having to force everything into one 44 minute episode. Laying the groundwork for this show could have done with a bit more narrative that an additional 44 minutes would have given it. The show’s driving force, the conflict that is forthcoming, gets pushed into what feels like the last 10 minutes of the show.

Other than this one minor shortcoming of time I found the show to be well done for the retreading of this concept. I’ll be looking forward to the weeks to come to see how they unravel this story. I only hope that, when the time surely comes, the first V / human child isn’t as lame as the one we saw two over two decades ago.

One final note: HEROES, I know that we’ve been seeing each other for a long time. It’s been a rocky relationship, it’s had it’s ups and downs. I hope you understand though that I think it’s over between us. I’m sorry, really I am, things were so good in the beginning and we had lots of great times together but let’s face it, things have changed. Unlike what you usually here it’s not me, it’s you. It’s all you. You’ve just lost direction, you seem to go on and on without really getting anywhere and I just can’t hang out any more. You’re kind of emberassing to be seen with. OK? Thanks.

Now that the World Series is over let’s see what remaining days of the week have to offer.

TUESDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: The pilot was good, let’s see what they did in the second episode of V.

NBC – 8:00 PM: It’s double elimination night on THE BIGGEST LOSER.

G4 – 11:00 PM: I admit freely that I am completey jonesing for the last season of LOST and tonight one of the better episodes of last season, LaFluer, airs on G4.  

WEDNESDAY

FOX – 9:00 PM: Rachel and Kurt compete for who gets to perform “Defying Gravity” from WICKED on this week’s Glee. This show is really starting to challenge my sexuality.

ABC – 8:00 PM: Get out your big hat and bigger belt buckle for the 43rd Annual CMA Awards.

THURSDAY

AMC – 8:00 PM: I don’t know what it is about DEMOLITION MAN that I get a kick out of (maybe it’s the three shells) but it’s on tonight and I’m considering it.

FOX – 9:00 PM: The ratings this season have been a challenge for FRINGE so let’s see what they come out of their sports induced hiatus with.

FRIDAY

USA – 9:00 PM: Monk is the Captain’s best man. I can’t wait to see how he sanitizes the strippers for the bachelor party.

CBS – 9:00 PM: It really has to be tough being one of ALLISON’s kids on Medium. So far she’s already been worried that ARIEL was a cold blooded killer and now she’s afraid the same is true of her boyfriend. Wow, and I thought I’d be judgemental about the guys who try to date my daugther.

SATURDAY

AMC – 8:00 PM: Enjoy the progression of confusion and dissapointment as we take the journey through the Matrix trilogy.

ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: See the greatest tribute to MICHAEL JACKSON committed to film in DEPP’s performance as WILLIE WONKA in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

BRAVO – 9:00 PM: I still am completely captivated by GOODFELLAS.

SUNDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Marge goes where no television cartoon has gone before as she poses in the nude on THE SIMPSONS.

ABC – 8:00 PM: DAVID DUCHOVNY makes a drop in on EXTRAME MAKEOVER: HOME EDITION. I tried for 20 minutes to make an X-File joke here, but it didn’t pan out.

AMC – 8:00 PM: The art of re-imagining continues as AMC takes on the late 60’s classic Brittish TV show THE PRISONER. I’m sure if that’s not enough to peak your interest than knowing it’s got IAN MCKELLEN and JIM CAVIEZEL would.

– Will Wilkins wuz here.

Welcome to another edition of TV or Not TV where I’m starting to wonder if I fell in love with FLASHFORWARD too soon.

The pilot episode of FLASHFORWARD did exactly the job that a lot of pilots are supposed to do in that it sucked me in with a decent mystery and gave me enough questions that made me want to see the story that it set up. Everyone balcks out for two minutes and seventeen seconds, some people have very lucid visions of themselves around 1o PM six months in the future. Scenarios are set up that seem impossible: a dead daughter is seen alive, a loving wife is happily involved with another man and so on. Some people have no vision at all.

Instantly the questions chime in that make you want to tune in week after week. Will the visions come true? If the visions come true how will these characters get from here to there? What will happen to those with out visions? Great questions, but only if you like the way you get the answers.

From a television series stand-point I want you to understand that I think the show is great. The performances delivered by the characters are solid, they are committed. The question now, however, is can the writers pull it off?

With a show that is working off of this complicated of a premise you really have to make a decision: are the visions inevitable or are they a future that is not set in stone? Regardless of the two approaches you can, from week to week, play a game of cat and mouse where you dangle aspects that support both approaches to leave the mystery in place. I think, however, that this is more of the easu approach because it allows you to provide too much filler that can come in trying to pad out an entire season in a method where the viewer feels like they are getting a little jerked around.

The gutsy approach, in my opinion, is to go with the former and stick with it. Decide the future seen is inevitable and tell us this amazing story of how people get from point A to point B. Just because we know the way a future part of the story occurs doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy the journey of traversing the story. BABYLON 5 proved that giving us a glimpse of the future doesn’t stop us from watching, it only wets our appetite to find out how we get there.

Sadly the evidence of the episodes we’ve seen so far has proven that they are going with the easy approach. I can’t blame them for it since they have at least a 22 episode order to fill and I’m just a guy that watches what they turn out.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way let’s talk a little about the more immediate future.

MONDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: Remember during that first good season of HEROES when HIRO fell in love with and lost CHARLIE at the hands of SYLAR? Remember how he went back in time and tried so many times to save her and no matter what he couldn’t do it? The writers are sweeping that all under the rug as HIRO goes back againt to try to save CHARLIE and cash in on the popularity of JAYMA MAYS.

TLC – 9:00 PM: TLC continues to keep the GOSSELIN train a rollin’ with the special interview show by NATALIE MORALES called KATE: HER STORY.

MTV – 8:00 PM: It isn’t every day where you see one animated show building a two episode arc around the making fun of another animated show. Repeat or not that’s one reason to recommend the CARTOON WARS episodes of SOUTH PARK.

TUESDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: No, your TV didn’t travel that far back in time on Sunday, the V that is on tonight is a re-imagining of the 80’s mini and actual series. Hopefully this will suck far less.

NBC – 8:00 PM: THE BIGGEST LOSER goes to Washington, D.C. and the contestants even get a tour of the White House kitchen.

WEDNESDAY

ABC – 9:30 PM: If you aren’t already watching MODERN FAMILY than I recommend that you get caught up on HULU.COM and then tune in to ABC at 9:30. It’s just about the only thing good on TV tonight.

THURSDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: Complaints up above aside I’ll still be tuning in to FLASHFORWARD tonight.

BRAVO – 10:00 PM: THE REAL WIVES OF ORANGE COUNTRY returns tonight. Who would have thought that these cosmetically enhanced ladies of Southern California would be thought of as the sane group?

FRIDAY

THE CW – 8:00 PM: It’s always emberrassing when unexpected family drops by, but when it is your long-dead father from your home world? Tune in to SMALLVILLE to try to make sense of it.

CARTOON NETWORK – 8:00 PM: SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS is a decade old and even the KRUSTY KRAB is having an anniversary celebration. 

SATURDAY

BRAVO – 9:00 PM: Even though KATHY GRIFFIN: BALLS OF STEEL aired earlier in the week I purposely saved it since there is so little on Saturday nights. Just thought I’d share that.

FOX – 11:00 PM: It’s the premiere of THE WANDA SYKES SHOW and if this show is anywhere near the quality of her work on THE CHRIS ROCK SHOW or CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM than we’re in for a real treat.

SUNDAY

FOX – 7:30 PM: Tonight it is official, SETH MCFARLANE takes of the FOX network tonight with AMERICAN DAD, FAMILY GUY, FAMILY GUY PRESENTS: SETH & ALEX’S ALMOST LIVE COMEDY SHOW, and THE CLEVELAND SHOW.

ABC – 8:00 PM: Tonight on EXTREME MAKEOVER: HOME EDITION KELLIE PICKLER is a special guest. Here’s hoping they just give her a mic because anything else means they’ll just be out next year to replace the whole house again.

Welcome to another edition of TV or Not TV where I never cease to be amazed by FOX.

Just last week the FOX network put out a press release about the exciting programming we could expect for the sweeps season. In the day-by-day breakdown we were informed of all of the pending action, drama and great guest stars coming up on DOLLHOUSE. The network also started sending out press screener copies of the next two installments of DOLLHOUSE to wet critic appetites to show them the forthcoming Whedonistic brilliance so they could shout from the rooftops to tell the masses to watch for they would be amazed! What is the network now doing to cash in on this? Apparently they have decided to put the show on the backburner during sweeps and instead air repeats of HOUSE and BONES.

JOSS WHEDON commented on this situation via whedonesque.com. Here’s an excerpt:

“Howzabout that schedule? Well, I’m not as depressed as everyone else. We weren’t about to rock sweeps anyway, and though there’s a chilly November, December is CRAZY. It’s like an Advent calendar of episodes! We get November to try to spread the word (which I’ll be leaning on Fox to do, though it’s hard to imagine them doing as good a job as the WhyIWatch guy) and then December is pure gluttony. Plus the episodes line up extremely well in these pairs, and we’ll have an absurdly appropriate lead-in.”

The saddest part of all I think is that those aforementioned press screeners are starting to turn the heads of critics and produce buzz for the show that the network won’t even be able to cash in on. Herc at AICN said that both the fourth and fifth episodes of the show were great and do a wonderful job of telegraphing the conflict that is to come. Matt Roush of TV Guide has said that this Friday’s episode is the best of this season and Maureen Ryan (THE WATCHER of the Chicago Tribune) says it’s possibly the best emotionally charged of the series so far.

After seeing this past Friday’s episode, titled BELONGING, I would have to agree with them all. The episode, written by JED WHEDON and MAURISSA TANCHAROEN and directed by JONATHAN FRAKES, was by far one of the best of the series so far and for me it brought for me some closure on a lingering question after last seasons episode titled NEEDS. In NEEDS we saw the Active named SIERRA confront a doctor who apparently had her somehow put in the DOLLHOUSE for his own twisted desires. Even though the show constantly travels in the grey area of what is right and what is wrong the characters that run the DOLLHOUSE always seemed to at least have a certain code that they lived by and this seemed out of scope. Part of what made the DOLLHOUSE somewhat palatable was that all the actives were volunteers who knew what they were signing up for and were willing to trade off the bad for the good at the end.

In BELONGING we find out how SIERRA was actually brought to the DOLLHOUSE and the story that we were shown, for this writer, was a completely engrossing and emotional tale. The acting, the directing, and the writing all came together to form 44 minutes of television that I couldn’t take my eyes away from. FRAN KRANZ, DICHEN LACHMEN, OLIVIA WILLIAMS and HARRY J. LENNIX all knocked it out of the park. I don’t really want to go into detail on what happens in the episode because with our forced and unanticipated break you will have a chance to watch this episode at FOX.COM or HULU.COM and if you haven’t I would strongly encourage you to take the time to do so. 

Ah well. At least we still have nine more episodes to enjoy before it is all over and we’ll be able to consume them in a December all-you-can-watch buffet!

Now that we’ve completely gone over the horror of FOX let’s see what else we can scare up for the spooky week to come.

MONDAY

CHECK LOCAL LISTING – In case you haven’t found just the write costume for your four legged friend it’s the Halloween Petacular on THE MARTHA STEWART SHOW.  

NBC – 8:oo PM: Although not intentional I’m sure HEROES will once again be quite the horror show (or train wreck, take your pick).

CBS – 8:00 PM: Aww, who am I kidding? The entire Monday night comedy lineup is in repeates tonight because next week is sweeps.

NBC – 9:00 PM: It’s a Halloween party gone all kinds of wrong on TRAUMA.

ABC – 10:00 PM: CASTLE and BECKETT get called in to a graveyard to investigate a staked vampire. FILLION also has a very familiar looking costume for ALL HALLLOW’S EVE.

AMC – 10:00 PM: The original HALLOWEEN is on complete with a painted white CAPTIAN KIRK mask.

TUESDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: It’s been another year so it is time to once again be reminded of why a pile of leaves and a went sucker don’t mix with IT’S THE GREAT PUMPKIN, CHARLIE BROWN. Why Linus, why do you torture yourself every year?

AMC – 8:00 PM: MICHAEL MYERS once again escapes from the hospital and whakiness ensues in HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS.

CHILLER – 9:00 PM: The tragic death of BRANDON LEE is just one part of the creepiness of THE CROW.

WEDNESDAY

CARTOON – 7:30 PM: See how it all began with SCOOBY DOO! THE MYSTERY BEGINS.

NBC – 8:00 PM: A paid advertisement never looked so glossy with tonight’s airing of MONSTERS VS. ALIENS: MUTANT PUMPKINS FROM OUTER SPACE. Sounds more like a JIMMY NEUTRON episode doesn’t it?

ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: I’m just not sure if HOCUS POCUS is a Halloween classic or not. I also can’t believe it’s over 15 years old.

CMTV – 9:00 PM: I’ve heard of counter-programming against other shows, but against a holiday season? CMTV tries with NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION. No, seriously.

THURSDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: COMMUNITY has a Day of the Dead party, PARKS & RECREATION has a Halloween party, THE OFFICE host a community haunted house and 30 ROCK doesn’t care that it’s Halloween.

ABC – 8:00 PM: Although not Halloween related at all how can I not mention FLASHFORWARD with DOMINIC MONAGHAN making his firtst full episode appearance?

AMC – 8:00 PM: The most frightening part of END OF DAYS is SCHWARZENEGGER’S acting.

FRIDAY

CBS – 8:00 PM: Melinda gets haunted by THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN on GHOST WHISPERER.

TRAVEL – 8:00 PM: GHOST ADVENTURES LIVE! performs a “lockdown” paranormal investigation at the historic Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum in West Virginia. Last time I heard of someone being locked in an asylum the end product was FREDDY KRUEGER. This might not end well.

AMC – 8:00 PM: Want to get into the Halloween spirit without all the fright? Take in the comedy classic YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN.

CBS – 9:00 PM: Just like Allison on this week’s MEDIUM I’ve dreamt of being in scenes of the original NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD but thankfully I’ve never woken up with bruises and bite marks from them…. at least not without a lot of tequila the night before.

SATURDAY

Do you really need me to mention things today? If you have kids you are building up for trick-or-treating and if you don’t you are either sitting in the house quiet with the lights out avoiding trick-or-treaters or you are at a party. OK, fine, here’s a few tid-bits.

AMC – 6:00 AM: The day stars with EARTH VS. SPIDER and ends with THIRTEEN GHOSTS. Everything inbetween is nothing but cheesy goodness.

COMEDY – 7:00 PM: The original SCARY MOVIE is at times far from funny but definitely not scary.

BRAVO – 9:00 PM: Watch all of HANNIBAL tonight and you’ll never look at RAY LIOTTA the same way again.

LIFETIME – 9:00 PM: I have to admit that VACANCY was the first film of the genre in a while that had me from beginning to end.

SUNDAY

SYFY – 12:30 PM: Before becoming a crappy 80’s television series there were the mini-series V and V: THE FINAL BATTLE. SYFY cashes in on ABC’s re-invention airing later this week by running both mini-series back-to-back. Yeah, I admit it, I’m gonna watch.

SHO – 9:00 PM: With absolutely no advance viewing I have to guess that this is the week where DEXTER. Can’t wait to see if I’m right.

– Will Wilkins wrote this with a touch of bitterness and a side of discontent.

Welcome to another edition of TV or Not TV where I was blown away by the series finale of The Office.

OK, don’t get worked up, I know that last Thursday’s special hour episode of the Jim & Pam wedding on The Office wasn’t in fact a series finale but It would have made an amazing one. It was funny, it was romantic, and it almost achieved the high standard that the Christmas Specials of the original UK version of the show set a few years back (“Never give up”).

It would probably be a gross abuse of column space to go into each and every thing that I enjoyed about this episode. The “mental picture” bit that was introduced as what seemed like a throw-away element in the beginning was played out perfectly througout the episode. Jim’s question that, “Is there something about being a manager that makes you say really stupid things?” resonates with me still. Pam’s crying and “knowing too much about Andy’s scrotum” and it leading to the couple running away to have their own private ceremony aboard the Lady of the Mist, and that footage being used as intercut with the madness of their co-workers and bridal party hijacking their wedding to recreate the JK Wedding Video  not only delivered the sentiment to us but also gave us a window into how these two sensible people could actually work in this office and survive it.

The aforementioned wedding dance as well as the final moments aboard the Lady of the Mist (preceded by Jim’s comments about how he bought said boat tickets the day after he saw that video) really tied the entire story together that would have been the crown jewel of series finales as we saw Jim and Pam’s story forming a complete circle. All of the key players were featured, it was a happy and joyous moment, and even had that feeling of riding off into the sunset (or the mist of Niagara Falls as the case may be).

Now that we’ve dispensed with all of that here are your listings for this week. Enjoy them while I go watch The Office Christmas Specials and chase them with some SPACED.

MONDAY

DISC – 8:00 PM: I missed the original pre-Land of the Loss release airing of this episode of Man vs. Wild where Will Ferrell accompanies Bear in the Artcic. I bet this was 100 times better than his movie.

TLC – 8:00 PM: Matt is determined to finish Molly’s castle on Little People, Big World.

NBC – 8:00 PM: So Sylar woke up in a grave with no memory and… oh who am I kidding? I have no idea what is going on with Heroes this season and I think neither do the writers.

TUESDAY

GSN – 6:00 PM: George Takei and Brad Altman are the first gay couple to be on The Newlywed Game. Based on how well they did with the same type game on the Howard Stern show I’m not sure if this is a step forward or a step back for the gay community.

NBC – 8:00 PM: The last time The Biggest Loser let a challenge winner make decisions in the game Tracy went all kinds of nutty. Here’s hoping she wins the decision making challenge tonight as well.

DISNEY – 8:00 PM: Where would Ruben Studdard be today if not for the animated feature Aladin?

WEDNESDAY

AMC – 8:00 PM: Lethal Weapon 3 followed by Starsky and Hutch. It’s like a mediocre cinema buffet!

E! – 8:30 PM: Now that it’s been a few years it really seems clear that Knocked Up sent Seth Rogen into the stratosphere and gave Kathrine Heigl dillusions of granduer.

FX – 10:00 PM: The new season of NIP/TUCK premieres as the recession affects the world of nose and boob jobs.

THURSDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: So for the past few weeks the babysitter Nicole has been missing on Flashforward. Her terrifying flashforward vision is finally revealed!

NBC – 9:00 PM: I worry that coming back from last week’s wedding is going to make this week’s episode of The Office feel empty. Luckily right after we can enjoy…

NBC – 9:30 PM: 30 Rock is back! Can’t wait to see how the final minutes of the show are as a lead in to Leno since Fey hasn’t exactly made her opinions on the programming of his show a secret.

FRIDAY

CW – 8:00 PM: Hopefully by this time I’ll finally get caught up on Smallville and know what exactly is going on. These darn Friday shows.

ABC – 8:00 PM: A brand new season of Ugly Betty premieres and I’m pretty sure I’ll not watch a single episode.

HIST – 8:00 PM: Just because I can’t get enough I’m pretty sure I’ll be watching JFK: 3 Shots that Changed America.

SATURDAY

SYFY – 4:30 PM: There’s nothing like a nice wholesome movie marathon to make you feel good on a Saturday afternoon. Snuggle up on the couch with a nice blanket, some popcorn and take in the Americana that is Saw, Saw II and Saw III.

AMC – 8:00 PM: AMC redeems itself from the debacle earlier in the week with the pairing of Rambo: First Blood Part II with the original Lethal Weapon.

SUNDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: It’s been twenty years in the making! The Simpsons Treehouse of Terror XX! Zombies, Hitchcock and a musical number to boot!

IFC – 9:00 PM: If you’ve always wanted to know more about the classic comedy troupe than you’ll enjoy the week long miniseries Monty Python: Almost the Truth (The Lawyer’s Cut).

TOON – 12:00 AM: OK, Midnight is technically Monday but I wanted to make sure you knew that The Venture Brothers was back tonight. Even my wife likes this cartoon. Trust me folks, that says something.

– Will Wilkins wrote this while engrossed in Series 2 of SPACED.

Welcome to another edition of TV or Not TV where I fear I may be getting TV’d out.

If you are a regular reader of this column you may think that I live the care free lifestyle of a professional columnist who has the luxury of sitting around all day with an array of DVR’s that allow me to watch every show aired. Perhaps you see me at 400 plus pounds and smothering my couch or favorite recliner as I do this. Thankfully all of the above couldn’t be further than the truth.

I’m a guy just like anyone else. I have your standard 8 to 5 that I have to commute to and give up another two hours of my life doing so. When it finally comes time to be able to sit down and watch the latest and greatest offering the boob tube has to share I’m probably getting my daughter ready for bed and will be reading her to sleep until 9 PM. It is at this point that I have to decide if I’m finally going to sit down and watch TV or throw in the towel and just go to bed. Depending on the night TV may win the decision but it has to be a pretty good night of television to do so.

As you can see from the outline above viewing time is at a low even though we are at in a content rich time of year. This is not the place you want to be when writing about television.

Because of this sometimes frustrating limitation of time let me give you my thoughts on the shows that I do actually take the time to watch.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER: This show is exactly what I want out of every sitcom. It is intelligent, entertaining, and always keeps me grinning for 22.5 minutes. So far I have no complaints.

HEROES: After two episodes this season I’m not really sure if I am in fact going to stick with it. I could think of about 10 reasons why the show is broken and I don’t think the writers know how to fix it.

CASTLE: I was pleasantly surprised when ABC gave Castle the pickup for a second season and the show hasn’t failed to deliver. Nathan Fillion plays arrogant well and the ensemble cast truly clicks on this show. I only wish I weren’t an episode behind right now.

THE BIGGEST LOSER: I freely admit that this show isn’t for everyone but for those of you that do enjoy it you have to admit that so far this season is good. We’ve already had the emotional, we’ve seen them do the seeming impossible and last week we got to see them role out the crazy with one loose cannon of a contestant. The fact that the show can also be inspirational doesn’t hurt.

GLEE: Let’s be real folks, everything after the pilot is very unbalanced. This is to be expected with a show that has such a wild premise. It needs to find its voice and when it does we will all be just as bowled over as we were with the pilot.

MODERN FAMILY: I saw the pilot and it captures the documentary feel of THE OFFICE with the complexity of dealing with your family. I haven’t seen subsequent episodes yet but if they make me want to laugh and feel awkward like at Thanksgiving I’m all for it.

FLASHFORWARD: There have only been two episodes so far but I have to say that this show has really delivered. J. Michael Straczinski proved with Babylon 5 that it isn’t a bad thing to show the audience a glimpse of the end of the story because the journey of getting to that point is just as, if not more, entertaining. We as the audience can instantly connect with every character on this show because we are in the exact same mindframe as they are. We have seen the future and now we have to wait and see how, or even if, they get to that time we had a glimpse of. I am also intrigued because the creators of the shoe have stated that they have a complete story to tell here, we will see characters get to their visions by the end of season 1 and they know how all of the subsequent seasons will play out. Count me in for the ride.

SURVIVOR: I don’t know what it was about the previews for this season that got me to finally watch again but so far I’m glad I did. Russell is so cocky and seems to be playing such a good game that I loom forward to his malevolence each and every week.

SNL WEEKEND UPDATE THURSDAY: Entertaining but detracts from actual SNL. Great gimmick during an election year and probably should have stayed there.

THE OFFICE: It would be very hard for this show to screw up at this point. Jim & Pam getting married could be a slight detriment but I doubt it.

COMMUNITY: Well written, entertaining, but I’m still not sure of it at this point. Doesn’t really do anything to stand out.

BONES: I don’t know what it is about this show that keeps me drawn in. The cast clicks, the stories are good and even when it gets corny it is stills good watch. I’d imagine it is hard to come into the show as a new viewer at this point but you can get every previous season on DVD do don’t let that deter you.

FRINGE: The season premiere felt so forced and poorly balanced that I haven’t been back yet. Maybe this week.

MONK: The final season has proved to be a very good one. Every episode makes me sadder that the show is coming to a close.

PSYCH: There are many times that I don’t think that PSYCH plays up more of the unique observational skills of lead character Shawn. The stuff he notices tends to be something that everyone else really should notice as well.

MEDIUM: I’ve completely forgotten to DVR this show and I have no idea how it is now that it is back and on CBS. Not happy with myself over this.

DOLLHOUSE: Two episodes in and this season is just as good if not better than the last part of last season. It pains me to know that as I type this the show may once again be in jeopardy as the ratings for last Friday’s show were an all time low. How can Joss Whedon have such a cult following and not have more people watching this show? Oh yeah, it’s on Friday and has a horrible lead in.

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES: First off, stop snickering and don’t judge me. Second I have to say that for a show that has been in one neighborhood for all these seasons it still comes off very fresh. Well played.

THE SIMPSONS: Still good, even after all these years.

So there you go, the things that I watch and what I think of them. That’s enough for one week isn’t it? Oh, you don’t think so? You still want your silly listings? FINE!

MONDAY

CBS – 8:00 PM: Ted teaches Barney all about dating Robin. Great plan, he did such a great job.

TUESDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: People will cry, trainers will yell and there will be plenty of sweat on The Biggest Loser.  Someone is going to get pulled out for health issues. Overweight people with health issues, who knew?

TBS – 8:00 PM: Four hours of The Office repeats in syndication? Yeah, I could do that.  The one at 9 PM had some of the funniest moments with Darryl negotiating a pay raise with Michael. “I accidentally cross dressed.”

WEDNESDAY

FOX – 9:00 PM: Battle of the sexes in a mashup showdown on Glee. I think that last sentance may be too young for me to even understand.

DISC – 9:00 PM: The MythBusters are back. Take your shoes off because they are going to knock your socks off (actually just test to see if it can actually be done). Yeah, that’s time well spent.

THURSDAY

NBC – 9:00 PM: Pam & Jim get married in Niagara falls on The Office.  Hopefully this will be more entertaining than anything I could type about it.

FOX – 9:00 PM: Olivia drinks a special mix from Dr. Bishop to try to shake loose her memory on Fringe. Great plan, drink the stuff the doctor that always mixes up halucinogenic compounds.

FRIDAY

FOX – 9:00 PM: One active is imprinted as a psychotic and the other a fun love college co-ed on Dollhouse. Throw in a guy in a creepy mask and it could be the Halloween episode!

SATURDAY

COMEDY – 10:00 PM: Wanda Sykes: I’ma Be Me is a guaranteed laugh.

SUNDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: Xzibit helps out the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition to pimp out the crib of a musical family that lost there home to fire damage.

TLC – 8:00 PM: Mermaid Girl followed by Mermaid Girl: A New Chapter may sound like made for TV movies on Disney but it is far from it. I’ll never make that mistake again.

– Will Wilkins wrote this while trying to catch up on TV.

Welcome to TV or Not TV where I’m pleased as punch that things are back in full swing.

This week truly feels like the first week of the television schedule being back in full effect.  Every day of the week seems to have a new or returning show making its season premiere and my DVR is nice and full of potential recording conflicts. Life is good once again.

There’s so much that is going on I don’t see any reason to delay it with my opinionated drivel on whatever show is my current flavor of the week. Let’s just get to it.

MONDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: As much as it pains me to say it Dancing with the Stars is the show everyone is trying to beat tonight.

CBS – 8:00 PM: How I Met Your Mother returns with Barney and Robin being forced to face their relationship. Be sure to have a “sandwich” before this one.

NBC – 8:00 PM: Will the two hour season premiere of Heroes be two hours of pure magic or two hours of my life I’ll never get back? Sadly I predict that latter.

FOX – 8:00 PM: House is in the nuthouse as the show returns. I fully expect several sardonic One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest remarks.

CBS – 8:30 PM: The new Jenna Elfman sitcom is called Accidentally on Purpose. This could also be the excuse used by the TV exec for why he greenlit the show.

ABC – 10:00 PM: Castle is back! Really, that’s all I’ve got on this one because it’s enough.

TUESDAY

CBS – 8:00 PM: The new NCIS Tuesday is here with the season premiere of NCIS followed by the series premiere of NCIS Los Angeles. Man, these law dramas breed like mice now.

NBC – 8:00 PM: This week on The Biggest Loser they try to overcome the second week slump while I continue to try to avoid snacking during the show.

ABC – 10:00 PM: Christian Slater takes another crack at television with the forgotten. Hopefully this will fair better than his last show since the name is an easy set up for a description on its potential ratings.

WEDNESDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: Mercy is either the title of a new medical drama on NBC or it is what you will be crying after having to endure another new medical drama. Not sure which. 

FOX – 9:00 PM: Oh man, the affeminite kid is trying out for the football team on Glee. Let the after school special storylines begin!

ABC – 10:00 PM: Sometimes you have to wonder what is going on when a show like Eastwick gets made when it is based on a movie over 20 years old. At least this helps me hold out hope for a Howard the Duck series.

THURSDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: Everyone on the planet blacks out for 2 minutes and 17 seconds and most get a glimpse of 6 months in the future on FlashForward. What would I see? Me still sittting here reviewing TV shows. Huzzah!

CBS – 9:00 PM: CSI and The Mentalist return as I’m sure Leno’s ratings continue to diminish.

FOX – 9:00 PM: Last season I was a big fan of Fringe. Last week’s season opener felt forced and weird. I’ve got to see if this week is any better.

FRIDAY

The CW – 8:00 PM: Smallville returns with the start of a guest stint by Brian Austin Green. Is this going to lead to Ian Ziering being the big bad of the season?

FOX – 9:00 PM: Dollhouse is back and we find out the ramifications of last seasons finale (and this years budget cuts). I predict story telling awesomeness.

CBS – 9:00 PM: Will Allison wake up from her brain surgery with tonight’s return of Medium on its new network? It would be a long boring season if she didn’t so I’m sure we’ll see something.

SATURDAY

SYFY – 9:0o PM: Guess I cracked wise too soon about Eastwick with tonight’s airing of a remake of Children of the Corn. This time, however, it is scripted by Stephen King himself. Don’t hold out much hope, it’s still on SYFY.

NBC – 11:30 PM: SNL is hoping for ratings gold by snaking Megan Fox and U2 for tonight’s season premiere. I just hope she goes all “I hate Michael Bay” crazy tonight (oh wait, did I just steal the monologue’s thunder?).

SUNDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Tonight’s season premiere of The Simpsons is co-written and guest voiced by Seth Rogen.  I can’t wait to see how they capture his rugged good looks in a drawn character.

CBS – 8:00 PM: The new season of The Amazing Race has two members of The Harlem Globetrotters. Wait, is it suddenly 1978 again?

FOX – 8:30 PM: Seth McFarlane‘s plans at network domination come one step closer with the premiere of The Cleveland Show followed by Family Guy and American Dad.

ABC – 9:00 PM: The girls of Wysteria Lane are back and we finally find out who Mike Delfino got hitched to on Desperate Housewives. Drea DeMateo also moves in to the neighborhood as the new blood of this season.

SHO – 9:00 PM: America’s favorite serial killer Dexter returns and is now the proud papa of a brand new baby boy. I can’t wait to see him making the emergency midnight grocery run for diapers, formula, heavy duty garbage bags and duct tape.

– Will Wilkins loved the Emmys and is proud to be a sofa monkey.

Welcome to TV or Not TV where I’m excited for the fall.

Every year when Labor Day rolls around I start to get excited. Yes, there is some initial dread because I know that the morning road ways are going to start to swell slightly with the congestion that comes from the freshly school bound (as well as my other working class brethren who’se summer vacations are well behind them). For the admitted TV addict, however, one of the thoughts that can get them through the early days of September is the knowledge that there will be new TV to watch.

With the inevitable onslaught of new shows and returning favorites I find myself one DVR short of being able to record everything that I find interesting . This is probably a good thing becuase curing this situation woud lead to weekend upon weekend of me living the life of a reclusive shut-in and would lead to the inevitable alienation of my wife and daughter. I’m also not going to be the only one alone in this boat looking at the schedules for the fall shows especially on Monday and Thursday nights.

Mondays this year are an all out ratings face off that starts on September 21st. In the 8 PM slot CBS tries to come out swinging with How I Met Your Mother up against ABC‘s Dancing with the Stars. FOX also tries to stick one of their best up front with House. No matter what way you look at it though I’m sure that NBC will be licking it’s wounds when it rolls out the latest season of Heroes, which is a show that I know more people that have given up on watching rather than bitterly sticking with it.

Thursdays are also going to push your DVR into overdrive starting this week when FOX rolls out Bones followed by Fringe to try to duke it out with Survivor: Samoa. I think NBC once again shows it’s weak programming strategy when it puts up SNL Weekend Update Thursday against this first powerful hour on other networks, especially when the following week ABC turns out the heir apparent to LOST called Flash Forward. The Office may be good but it won’t fair well against CSI next week.

After that superficial analysis of those two days of the week I just have to say that FOX‘s Glee did a pretty good job of keeping my attention with it’s official season premiere last week.  Even though the show’s pilot was all the rage when it premiered last year the important thing that many an avid television viewer knows is that there can be leaps and bounds of difference between a shows pilot episode and the actual series episodes. The pilot of Glee was a well told and tightly put together package that did a great job of introducing us to the characters and the dynamics that they lived in. We were given a solid set up of the story and in the same vain of the late great John Hughes we were shown a nice story of underdogs and seperate clique members coming together and coming into their own.

The season premiere of Glee had some similar elements that made the pilot so endearing and it also had some awkward moments as the show trancends from that one hit wonder to a series that is telling us a much longer and more complex story. The coach of the Cheerios, played by Jane Lynch, once again stole every scene she was in and her character has gone from tough drill sargeant to that of the show’s major villain now that her reign as the main attention grabbing activity is being threatened.

Yes I admit that in watching it there were some hiccups for me but overall the show was almost as entertaining as the pilot and has the potential that can make it a show that carries itself well for the remainder of the season.

One final thought on this week: Kanye West truly is a self-absorbed moron.

With all of that said let’s see what the grid has up its sleave for us to enjoy.

MONDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: It’s the final week of America’s Got Talent. Something already to be thankful for and Turkey day is over two months away.

ABC – 8:00 PM: If you haven’t seen Dreamgirls yet (like me) than you can finally tune in to see just what happened to make Jennifer Hudson the mega-star that she now is.

NBC – 10:oo PM: Well, the moment we’ve not been waiting for is here with the premiere of The Jay Leno Show. His first guests are Jerry Seinfeld b plus Jay-Z, Rhianna and Kanye West perform. Wait, maybe Kanye isn’t an idiot, he’s just on the take from Leno for a gangbusters first night guarantee.

TUESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: One lucky lady gets a proposal tonight on More to Love. Maybe the one not chosen will be a future contestant on…

NBC – 8:00 PM: I freely admit that one of my favorite shows that I just don’t follow the advice enough from is The Biggest Loser. Maybe this year I’ll stop watching it while eating chili cheese fries.

TLC – 8:00 PM: OK, seriously, does anyone else find Jon & Kate Plus 8 just all kinds of awkward to watch now?

WEDNESDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: Two of the obstacles this week on Wipeout are called the Banana Split and the Onion Ring Hurdles. Sounds like they’re picking up the leftovers from The Biggest Loser.

FOX – 9:00 PM: I’m sure if I told you that this week on Glee singer Josh Groban drops in for a cameo that I might lose you. Here’s what will get you back. Male singing group called the Acafellas. Am I right?

THE CW – 9:00 PM: If you haven’t heard about the new drama The Beautiful Life, it is set in the world of high fashion models. Yeah, another show that I probably won’t watch.

THURSDAY

CBS – 8:00 PM: The player count is way up and for the first time in a long time I’m considering watching with the premiere of Survivor: Samoa.

FOX – 9:00 PM: If you didn’t catch the finale of Fringe last year we left Agent Dunham in an alternate reality where the Twin Towers were still standing. Yeah, I’m so gonna watch the premiere tonight too.

NBC – 9:00 PM: Herc from AICN says that Ed Helms steals the premiere of The Office. When you consider the insane box office of The Hangover I’m surprised they didnt’ give him his own show already.

FRIDAY

I’m not going to write a single recommendation for tonight. It’s my 15th wedding anniversary and the only thing I want you to know about tonight is that I’ll be with the love of my life. That’s all.

SATURDAY

ENCORE – 8:00 PM: Fast Times at Ridgemont High followed by Point Break and Scream? I was originaly going to say there’s nothing on to watch tonight, but if you have this movie channel there’s six hours of check your brain at the door quality viewing.

HIST – 8:00 PM: If you just didn’t get enough out of the movies you can take in Beyond the Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons Decoded.

SUNDAY

SPIKE – 1:00 PM: If you are willing to sit and watch the original Star Wars Trilogy played one after the other you probably already own them, so why put up with commercial interruptions? I guess you need to have something on in the background to write your television column instead of past seasons of LOST.

CBS – 8:00 PM: After seeing the amazing job he did on the Tony Awards I freely admit that I’m only watching The 61st Primetime Emmy Awards for Neil Patrick Harris. There, I said it. Go ahead, judge me.

HBO – 9:00 PM: Larry David is back for another seasnon of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Does this mean I have to get caught up on the three seasons I’ve missed?

– Will Wilkins wrote this while having the first season of LOST running in the background.

Welcome to another edition of TV or Not TV where I hope that these crappy reality TV shows are finally coming to an end.

VH-1 has been pushing out the world’s cattiest and crappiest reality shows for a while now. It all started with Flavor of Love and I’m hoping we’ll finally find an end to it all with Megan Wants a Millionaire and I Love Money 3. Even though I mention these shows you will never actually see them because they have been canceled before they have ever aired. The horrible reason for this is because a contestant on these two shows by the name of Ryan Jenkins was a person of interest in the murder of Jasmine Fiore in Orange County, California.

There’s already a ton of spin being put out by VH-1 as they have removed all mention of these shows from their sites and press information. VH-1 has also been quick to point out that the show Megan Wants a Millionaire was licensed to them by production company 51 Minds and 51 Minds in turn has said that they will take all necessary steps to make sure this type of “lapse” doesn’t happen again. I’m glad that they can call something like the booking of a sociopath on one of their shows was just a “lapse.” I’d hate to see what they consider an outright screw up.

I’m not really here to talk about this terrible occurrence or how this type of programming is leading to desperation in finding people to book for it, what I really want to talk about is how the public’s fascination with this type of programming is lowering the availability of quality television out there. Networks are willing to put money into reality programming because the cost of the production of the show is lower than that of scripted television and if they happen upon the next American Idol or Biggest Loser than they will have the best of both worlds with cheap shows and amazing ad revenue.

This type of cost of production vs. ratings and ad revenue has lead NBC to turn its back on the scripted shows and take the most padded gamble in with the new Jay Leno Show that will be making its premiere this fall. I say padded because, as I said before, the cost of the Leno show is so much lower than the programming that formerly occupied these 10 PM slots that even at a 1 share Leno possibly could be more profitable than the cost of the gamble of a new scripted show. They can try to blame the DVR all they want for the decline in viewing

I can’t plead not-guilty in the reality programming audience since I’ve made it very clear how much I enjoy both The Biggest Loser and Big Brother. There is a major difference between these shows and Rock of Love however. I’d really prefer to see  a few quality reality shows than the horrific meat-grinder approach that VH-1 and other networks have been taking.

Now that I’d had my little rant let’s look at what’s happening this week on TV.

MONDAY

PBS KIDS SPROUT – 6:00 AM ET: Pre-schoolers can now enjoy The Wiggles every morning with the brand new Wiggly Waffle Show. Man, how much money do these Wiggles guys make?

NBC – 8:00 PM: It’s the end of the road for The Great American Road Trip.

ABC – 9:00 PM: Dating in the Dark is turning the lights on like the end of an ugly night at a nightclub with tonight’s season finale.

TUESDAY

BET – 8:00 PM: I’m just wondering, has anyone that reads this column actually seen the Jessica Alba movie Honey?

CBS – 9:00 PM: The final six contestants in the Big Brother house play for the Power of Veto and we see them plot and squabble so much it becomes clear that isolation leads to pure paranoia.

SyFy – 9:00 PM: Myka gets trapped in the mirror of Lewis Caroll on Warehouse 13. I only mention it because I’ve had nightmares about this kind of thing.

WEDNESDAY

ABC – 9:00 PM: Remember how I started talking about reality shows that might be pandering to the lowest common denominator? Imagine contestants driving in extreme obstacles courses (and crashing on purpose) just to try to win $50,000. Ladies and gentleman, I give you Crash Course.

HIST – 9:00 PM: Researches go searching for the real Moby Dick on MonsterQuest and I can’t stop giggling because I just found out he was a sperm whale. After all these years I’m still 13 at heart.

THURSDAY

USA – 10:00 PM: I’ve really been enjoying Royal Pains and I’m kinda bummed that tonight is the season finale. Let’s just hope it’s return in the summer of 2010 won’t make audiences forget about it.

SHO – 10:00 PM: The Vatican and the Pope are the topics of discussion on the season finale of Penn & Teller: Bull$hit! Let’s see if there’s a report of either of them being struck by morning overnight.

FRIDAY

DISNEY – 8:00 PM: Finally, all those unanswered questions from the 30 minute restriction of The Wizards of Waverly Place can be addressed in their TV movie.

SYFY – 9:00 PM: Allison finally has her baby on Eureka and I’m sure that some wacky science thing goes wrong at the same time. Hopefully she doesn’t give birth to that Demon Seed robot shelled baby.

SATURDAY

BBC AMERICA – 9:00 PM: The story of the ghost, the vampire and the werewolf sharing an apartment comes to it’s first season conclusion tonight on Being Human. Hopefully it doesn’t end with the Mystery Machine pulling up and them all being exposed by those meddling kids.

ABC – 10:00 PM: The Alphabet Network rolls out the pre-Emmy special from last year with a re-airing of Jimmy Kimmel’s Big Night of Stars.

SUNDAY

HBO – 10:00 PM: It’s the next to last episode of True Blood, so really is there anything else to pay attention to tonight on TV? Really, you want more? OK…

COMEDY – 9:00 PM: The last of the direct to DVD Futurama movies, Into the Wild Green Yonder, is now made available at no cost for your viewing enjoyment.

ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: Have you ever noticed how many times a month this channel airs Ella Enchanted? Seriously, I see it every week trying to write this column.

– Will Wilkins wuz here.

Welcome to TV or Not TV where I’ve been on vacation.

Yes, even I from time to time will escape from the weekly grind and take time off. During these types of hiatus there isn’t much time for enjoying television. If anyone reading this has children then you know that any of the television that you might walk in far away places will be of the Cartoon Network variety more than anything else. As such I can say that there isn’t exactly a lot for me to expound upon in this week’s forward.

One thing I can talk about, however, is what I like to refer to as my background noise. When I’m sitting here in my office my favorite thing to do is have something that I’ve already watched and I’m familiar with to have on in the background to help give me a benchmark for the passage of time. A few weeks ago I picked up the Roku box that allows you, through a broadband Internet connection, to watch Netflix or Amazon instant viewing items to be played directly to your television. This has allowed my daughter to enjoy things I’ve never bought on video like Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, Milo & Otis, Free Willy and many others (including an endurance run of Sponge Bob Square Pants). Without it you just need your web browser and in my office I decided to use this feature. I mistakenly thought that I could have LOST playing in the background and found that I was absolutely glued to the television and not getting any work done. Keeping the events of the most recent season in mind really opens one’s mind up in many different ways in watching the first season again. If you have something to do having LOST in the background won’t suit you for productivity.

That’s all I’ve got for right now, so let’s turn our focus instead to what we have available to watch in the week to come.

MONDAY

DISCOVERY – 8:00 PM: If you haven’t seen the post-apocalyptic survival simulation called  The Colony than you have a chance to watch the first four episodes back-to-back tonight. This is the kind of reality television that doesn’t make me feel guilty watching it.

E! – 8:30 PM: In Reality Hell the unsuspecting mark goes on a reality show where everyone else are actors and they are subjected to absurd challenges each week as a new reality show type is skewered. Yeah, I know, sounds a lot liked Punk’d and every other piece of Candid Camera rip-off out there. Might be worth a chuckle or two however.

ABC – 10:00 PM: I’m sorry I just can’t stop talking about Castle. It’s like candy that I just can’t get enough of.

TUESDAY

SLUETH – 4:00 PM: Lazy afternoon? How about 8 hours of Monk? If I were home I’d be in for sure.

TBS – 8:00 PM: How bad are the viewing choices when I’m willing to suggest watching two hours of Family Guy repeats? Some questions just answer themselves, don’t they?

CBS – 9:00 PM: If you like drama and haven’t watched Big Brother 11 than I would really encourage you to watch the completely mental group of people that are locked in this house. At press time I don’t know if the show Sunday night actually mentioned a house guest that’s been kicked out, so maybe today you’ll see a person implode.

TLC – 10:00 PM: I don’t know if it speaks well or not of Masters of Reception that the first thing that you hear about it that it’s produced by Kelly Rippa and husband Mark Consuelos, but anything following around wedding planners has to be entertaining.

WEDNESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Just like a bad cold coming back FOX is bringing us Octomom: The Incredible Unseen Footage.  I needed something to write about or I wouldn’t have even mentioned this. Please, don’t watch. Let’s make her finally go away.

ABC – 8:00 PM: I’ve got two words to tell get you interested in watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire: SNOOP DOG! REGIS: Is that your final answer Snoop? SNOOP: Fo’ shizzle Reeg. Oh yeah, I’m watching it.

BRAVO – 9:00 PM: Sin City helps spice things up with the new season of Top Chef: Las Vegas.

THURSDAY

DISCOVERY – 8:00 PM: How have I missed American Loggers this long?

BRAVO – 10:00 PM: The network may be different but Project Runway will still provide all the stitch-in-time drama you’ve all grown to love.

FRIDAY

DISCOVERY – 7:00 PM: Can you survive four hours of Survivorman? First bit of advice, pee on your t-shirt and wrap it around your head to stay cool. Wait, only do that if you are in the desert.

TLC – 10:00 PM: Just when you thought there was a reality show about everything we now get to see behind the scenes of the horse racing industry with Jockeys, or as I like to think of it Little People, Big Horses.

SATURDAY

ABC – 8:30 PM: The visual effects are amazing and if you’ve never seen it War of the Worlds will have you sitting on the edge of your seat. Why not watch it for free?

DISCOVERY – 9:00 PM: Tonight Extreme Bodies goes to extreme opposites with one hour being about the people with conditions making them giants and the next hour being those with dwarfism.

SUNDAY

NBC – 7:00 PM: If you’ve been watching (ratings say odds are you weren’t) Merlin than you will want to watch the season finale tonight.

DISCOVERY – 7:00 PM: Four hours of Planet Earth is like candy for the eyes and food for the mind.

HIST – 9:00 PM: Nothing says fun like driving 300 miles without brakes on the season finale of Ice Road Truckers.

ABC – 10:00 PM: The crew hits the turn-back threshold and has to come to grips with it on Defying Gravity.

Welcome to another edition of TV or Not TV where I can’t believe it is August already.

August is always the month that I care about television the least. I don’t mean to turn my back on my old friend like this, but it’s the busiest time of year for me. I’ve almost always got some kind of vacation planned, my daughter’s birthday is near the end of the month, and it’s the last month of summer. There’s too much going on and TV, especially when you factor in the DVR, is one of the things I can most often and easily turn my back on.

August is also a very bittersweet month for me since it is the gateway to September, which is when the majority of shows start to return to the airwaves. I won’t even bother to list all of the shows that I’m looking forward to this year, but I will say that I’m almost considering adding a second DVR to the house. Wow, that’s even sadder to type than it was to think.

What I’m trying to say is that I’m not really watching a whole hell of a lot right now and as such I really don’t have much of anything this week to write about in the section I think of  as “above the listings.” I fear that next week may be a little light as well as I’ll be preparing for my trip to the Happiest Place on Earth. Hopefully, however, I will find something to talk about.

I do have to say that I’m kind of shocked that people weren’t interested in watching The Listener on NBC. The peacock has pulled the show and started airing Law & Order repeats Thursday nights at 10 after the last The Listener posted a 0.7 rating and a two share in the adults 18 to 49 category. Admittedly the show was more in line with the SyFy audience than the prime-time network slot that it was in, but the show was light enough for easy watching while being interesting enough to make you want to tune in again. Considering it was a new show that had a lead in of nothing but repeats maybe it never stood a chance anyway. Here’s hoping CTV at least airs the remaining five shows in Canada so someone can see how the season plays out. You can also take in all of the episodes of The Listener on Hulu.com.

With all of that out of the way here’s the things that I may or may not be watching this week.

MONDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: Country once again goes prime time when Sugarland: Live on the Inside features the duo playing their biggest hits while also unveiling previously unseen performance footage.

TLC – 9:00 PM: Jon & Kate Plus 8 comes back from their month hiatus to show us the awkward way to raise 8 kids and dealing with the dissolution of a marriage. It’s odd to see entertainment transition into sadness.

FOX – 9:00 PM: Did anyone else catch More to Love last week? If you didn’t now is your chance to watch the encore of last week’s premiere episode. I just think it’s too bad that a show where a regular guy tries to find his match among 20 regular women intentionally plays up the fact that this isn’t cast with super models.

TUESDAY

DISCOVERY HEALTH – 8:00 PM: Imagine the joy of finding out you are pregnant and then later you find out you are carrying identical quadruplets. You don’t just have to imagine if you catch Identical Quads: Perilous Pregnancy.

TLC – 9:00 PM: 18 Kids and Counting must think that Jon & Kate are pikers. I’m just sayin’.

MTV – 9:00 PM: As long as we’re on this kid theme why not take in 16 and Pregnant: Unseen Moments?

WEDNESDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: Former fan favorites come back to compete for $50,000 in this all-star installment of Wipeout.

HIST – 8:00 PM: Tonight on MonsterQuest investigators try to compile enough real evidence to prove that Bigfoot actually exists. I love this show but come on guys, what’s next… compiling critical evidence to show the tooth fairy is real?

DISC – 8:00 PM: Nothing says Shark Week more than them rolling out the MythBusters Jaws Special.

THURSDAY

CBS – 8:00 PM: Will the nerd Ronnie be evicted tonight after playing too hard too fast on Big Brother 11? I don’t know but you can make a drinking game out of how many times Julie Chen tries not to look pregnant.

ABC – 8:00 PM: Finally! A full three hours of Grey’s Anatomy for me to curl up on the couch and not watch.

USA – 9:00 PM: It’s the summer finale for Burn Notice. I think this means we will have to wait until January 2010 for more Michael Weston.

DISNEY – 10:00 PM: In case you missed the mega-cross over of the Disney Channel originals you can see all three episodes of Wizards on Deck with Hannah Montana, The Suite Life on Deck: Double-Crossed and Hannah Montana: Super(stitious) Girl. Their originally airing made them the second highest-rated program of the night, so figured it might be worth mentioning (or I’m just trying to fill).

FRIDAY

BRAVO – 9:00 PM: For some reason Bruce Willis’ performance makes me hold a special place in my viewing heart for The Whole Nine Yards.

IFC – 8:30 PM: If you haven’t seen Super Troopers than I highly suggest you watch it right meow.

USA – 9:00 PM: I’m almost bitter about the return of Monk knowing that this will be its last season. Still, best to enjoy it while we still can.

AMC – 10:00 PM: American Movie Classics really stretches it’s premise with tonight’s airing of Starsky & Hutch.

USA – 10:00 PM: You can tell that USA is trying really hard to make Psych he heir apparent to Monk. Luckily I was already sold on the show a while ago.

SATURDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: One of my PIXAR favorites is Finding Nemo. It’s the first kid’s movie I watched with my daughter. She was only five days old at the time but it still counts, right?

MSNBC – 8:00 PM: Wonder what life is like inside of notorious San Quentin? You can spend three hours finding out while watching Lockup: San Quentin. I think this is the way I’d prefer to learn about it.

SPIKE – 8:00 PM: One of the finest movies to come out of 1986 was the unexpected adrenalin rush that was James Cameron’s ALIENS.

BRAVO – 9:00 PM: Bravo is apparently daring you to not watch Spike by rolling out the completely expected adrenalin rush that was Terminator 2: Judgement Day.

SUNDAY

A&E – 5:00 PM: Are you strong enough for five hours of Gene Simmons Family Jewels? I may not be strong enough but it’s probably what I’ll be watching.

ABC – 8:00 PM: I guess ABC thinks that we’ve had enough of a break from the overkill that was the prime time version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire because it’s back with Regis in all it’s glory tonight.

CBS – 9:00 PM: Eight families get their neighborhood walled off from civilization and compete for a quarter of a million dollars in There Goes the Neighborhood. It’s like Big Brother, only bigger and family friendly.

– Will Wilkins is experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by.

Welcome to another edition of TV or Not TV”¦ where I’ve pre-empted myself.

From time to time I receive an email from a reader of the column asking what I actually watch when I’m not finding new shows to write about in my attempts to fake being a TV critic. Since I haven’t done any of the aforementioned new viewing (and since I don’t feel like faking it this week) here in a quick summary is what I regularly watch right now.

This summer the viewing choices aren’t exactly abundant but they certainly are staggered enough where if you are on a tight viewing schedule you can still take in some nice television. I have to give the television network execs some credit as they’ve certainly made it so I’m at certain channels on certain days, which is right where they want me.

HBO has me on Sunday nights with both True Blood and the return of Entourage. I haven’t really gotten in to Hung and I’m sure it is one of those shows that I will catch up on video after the fact and kick myself for not being drawn in to it during its original airing. CBS also hooks me in for the first time in the week with the nomination ceremony episode of Big Brother. Even if you aren’t into the show tuning in to see how a new Head of Household let’s their newfound power go to their head is always amusing (plus it can be a great drinking game to hear the new person say what everyone else says with bragging thoughts of “turning the house upside down” with their nominations).

Monday night there is only one thing I’m watching for sure and that is Weeds. At the beginning of the season I didn’t hold out a lot of hope for the forthcoming season. Now that we are into the second half of the season I am fully strapped in and can’t wait for the remainder of the ride. If I remember it I will watch The Secret Life of the American Teenager, but it still isn’t in the DVR list so it more often than not goes unnoticed.

Tuesday nights are a dilemma for me, so thank goodness there is DVR. SyFy piqued my interest with Warehouse 13 and CBS has me with Big Brother 11. I only wish the latter weren’t so dead set in casting specific “types” for the show because it seems every season is beginning to merge in my head into another forgettable group of House Guests. Even with this shortcoming I can’t stop watching.

Wednesday is my night off. The DVR records nothing for me and I’m thankful for that because it is the night that I get to get caught up.

Thursday once again is a battle between two networks. USA has me locked in for Burn Notice and Royal Pains. Although the former still outshines the latter in quality both are entertaining and are in no way a waste of time. CBS once again draws me in to the eviction show of Big Brother where another hopeful wannabe gets ousted from the house and into obscurity. My hope at this point is that the person being ousted is Jesse (even though he is probably not even up for eviction) because he is the stereotypical representation of a body builder: big on muscles, small in personality and brains. The night is capped off with The Listener on NBC. It isn’t exactly great TV but it is enough to make me come back for seconds.

With Friday I once again am blessed with a night of only one show to watch and plenty of time to catch up on those I haven’t watched. SyFy wins the coveted viewing spot with their original program Eureka. This show pleases me the way the first three seasons of Sliders pleased me as well. The show has enough science fiction to be nerdy but enough human to it to not be embarrassing to tell your friends about.

This dissection of my viewing finally brings us to Saturday where I am definitely watching something, even though I’m getting caught up on it as well. I didn’t see Castle during its first run and I’m so glad that ABC re-airs it on Saturday nights. Yes the show is formulaic but Nathan Fillion as the title character once again takes a simple roll and fills it in to perfection in the same way jelly does to a donut (no, I have no idea what that actually means but right now I’m craving said jelly donut).

There you have it. That’s my viewing week. Now let’s see what else is out there for the next 7 days as well.

MONDAY

TVLAND ““ 8:00 PM: Retake that amazing road trip journey down the holiday road with National Lampoon’s Vacation.

DISCOVERY ““ 9:00 PM: Celebrate the 40^th anniversary of the moon landing with the MythBusters as they shatter all of the conspiracy theories around the faking of the famous event.

ABC ““ 10:00 PM: Sometimes I wonder who comes up with these shows. Dating in the Dark takes six singles and subjects them to “blind dates” where they are literally in the dark and unable to see one another. This show could either be a major revelation or should go sight unseen. Let’s watch together and decide.

TUESDAY

FOX ““ 8:00 PM: Chef Gordon Ramsey prepares to break down 16 new gluttons for punishment with the new season of Hell’s Kitchen.

DISCOVERY ““ 10:00 PM: 10 people spend 10 weeks in an abandoned, dilapidated and miserable warehouse to try to set up a society in The Colony. Do you see how the collapse of the lending market even makes this sound good?!?

WEDNESDAY

ABC ““ 9:00 PM: Adults wearing diapers and it isn’t about fetishes? Not when it’s I Survived a Japanese Gameshow.

TLC ““ 10:00 PM: I’m surprised CPS hasn’t been called on every single parent of the children featured in Toddlers & Tiaras. Seriously.

THURSDAY

CBS ““ 8:00 PM: Even though someone will leave the Big Brother house tonight I know it won’t be the meathead bodybuilder. Maybe next week?

ABC ““ 8:30 PM: After a fantastic start as a series the final episode of Samantha Who? airs tonight. Like so many before it the series finale doesn’t give you closure because they didn’t know the end was coming. Maybe they should have hired Bryan Fuller to show them how to turn it into a finale in post.

FRIDAY

NBC ““ 8:00 PM: Remember The Chopping Block? Me either. The finale is tonight though and the winner of this weak performing cooking show is chosen.

NICK ““ 8:00 PM: Two hours of The Penguins of Madagascar? I’m in.

SATURDAY

G4 ““ 2:00 PM: If you’ve got that Storm Trooper costume in the closet and just couldn’t get out to San Diego than I’ve got good news. Strap on that vacuum formed costume and watch The Star Wars Comic-Con Spectacular! Immediately followed by Comi-Con Live ’09.

NBC ““ 8:00 PM: It’s the finale of Kings. I don’t mean to spoil anything but a certain presumed dead person is going to ruin the coronation.

BBCA ““ 9:00 PM: A werewolf, a vampire and a ghost all share a flat. Sounds like the beginning of a joke, right? Nope. It’s the idea behind Being Human, where all of the above are roommates trying to hide their true natures and live normal lives. Oh yeah, I’m watching it.

SUNDAY

BBCA ““ 8:00 PM: Fans of David Tennant as Dr. Who will want to tune in to Planet of the Dead, the first of the final four specials featuring Tennant as the good time-travelling doctor.

NBC ““ 9:00 PM: First they brought us Impact, and now we get The Storm. People try to control the weather with technology and things go from bad to catastrophic. Go figure.

CARTOON NETWORK ““ 11:30 PM: There’s only one thing that can help hold me over until the return of The Venture Brothers and that’s the return of Robot Chicken. Bring on the stop motion goodness!

Will Wilkins is glad you stopped by.

Welcome to TV or Not TV where I am by far the worst television critic in the world.

I know that the above statement is a pretty lofty one however this past week I’ve hardly watched any television. It’s very hard to actually write aobut television in an informed manner when you aren’t actively watching it. I’ve lived in a tiny little micro-verse where the only television that has existed is Weeds, Burn Notice, and True Blood. I don’t know how it happened whether it is just a busy week or other things, however I just have no opinion on anything else right now except these shows.

I have to admit that a few weeks ago I was unnecessarily harsh towards Weeds this season. I went back and watched the first three episodes again and I have to say that, although I don’t like this continued new direction of the show, I am still consistently entertained by it. I know that by the end of the season I will have watched all of the episodes and I’ll probably complain a little but deep inside I’ll know that I liked what I saw. This season seems it will have more Doug in it and that pleases me.

Burn Notice, on the other hand, has me absolutely clueless on the direction that it is going. This season started off with a female cop investigating and busting Michael Weston‘s chops. This new character wasn’t exactly a deep one but it did adress a question that I’ve been asking the entire run of this show to date: With all of these explosions and things going on around Michael how is it possible the police aren’t watching this guy? It turns out that they actually are. Now that we’ve addressed that, however, where do we go from here? If Michael gets un-burned the show is over, right?

I’ve already said just how incredible for me this season of True Blood is. There is a lot going on, a lot of conflict being created and a lot of mystery being revealed. I really hope this show keeps the momentum rolling as I’m deeply engrossed in these characters. Whatever direction you turn it would appear that there is one character that is being set up to have a head-on collision with another. As far as my vampire dramas are concerned me likey.

Now that I’ve talked about the few things that I have watched here is a bunch of television that, should I repeate last week’s behavior, I won’t be watching as well.

MONDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Nothings says loving and caring tribute to a passed icon like rolling out your episode where 13 hacks trash their songs. Thank you FOX for doing that tonight with the re-airing of American Idol.

TLC – 9:00 PM: Wow, I can’t imagine going through anything harder than the dissolution of your 10 year marriage in the public eye. Oh wait, how about a TV show that looks at the lifetime of your marriage as well? I’m sure Jon & Kate Plus 8 are very thankful that TLC is doing just that.

TUESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: OK, so tonight they are rolling out the 2001 movie Legally Blonde? I guess America’s Got Talent has FOX a bit on the ropes.

E! – 9:00 PM: At last, the E! True Hollywood Story gives me all those unanswered questions I’ve had about Criss Angel. My life will now be complete.

BET – 10:00 PM: I don’t know if you know who Tiny & Toya are but this isn’t a new show on Adult Swim. It’s the gals of rappers T.I. and Lil’ Wayne in a reality show.

WEDNESDAY

DISCOVERY – 11:00 AM: I don’t know if a marathon of Pitchmen was what was originally planned for today but I’m still blown away by the sudden loss of Billy Mays. I’ll never look at a container of Oxyclean again.

ABC – 8:00 PM: Contestants on Wipeout face Spike Fenders, Spinning Triangles, and Drop Bridge. If it weren’t wipe out we were talking about I’d think those were Guitar Hero band names and not obstacles.

ANIMAL PLANET – 9:00: All right, seriously, Monster Inside Me may be the grossest show to come out as it focuses on the fatal cases of internal parasites to invade humans.

THURSDAY

USA – 6:00 PM: If you haven’t taken the time yet to get familiar with Burn Notice than this seventeen hour marathon is more than enough time for you to finally do it.

ANIMAL PLANET – 8:00 PM: I’m not really big on documentaries but Grizzly Man is still one of the most engrossing docs I’ve ever seen. Timothy Treadwell loved bears, thought he was protecting bears, and eventually was killed by a bear. Really, you have to watch it.

BRAVO – 10:00 PM: I remember when Grease was more than just a movie, it was a theatrical and television event when it was out.

FRIDAY

TVLAND – 9:00 PM: National Lampoon’s Vacation is another one of those films that really captured the time it was made in. John Candy was still alive, Beverly D’Angelo didn’t look like a drag queen and Chevy Chase was still a big star. I hate getting older.

HISTORY – 10:00 PM: Delve into the madness of conspiracy theorists and the truly paranoid with a look at Secret Societies.

CMT – 11:00 PM: Darius Rucker proves he earned his #1 country hit and that he was more than just a Hootie with his Invitation Only concern.

SATURDAY

It’s the 4th of July! Screw TV, you should be eatting bar-b-que and watching real fireworks. If you can’t get out than instead maybe you might like to watch:

NBC – 9:00 PM: The Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks Spectacular

CBS – 10:00 PM: Music and explosions join forces in the Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular.

SUNDAY

TNT – 8:00 PM: The genius programming aware goes to TNT for airing Independence Day on July 5th. Maybe this year they’ll to the Christmas Story marathon on December 26th.

HALLMARK – 9:00 PM: Lou Diamond Phillips and Luke Perry star as opposing gunmen in Angel and the Badman. I don’t care what else it’s about, I’m in.

Welcome to another edition of TV or Not TV where I’m actually impressed by THE LISTENER.

In case you haven’t caught this quirky little sci-fi/mystery/drama put on every Thursday at 10:00 PM on NBC it’s the story of EMT Toby Logan happens to have the ability to read minds. He can’t probe them, he can’t get into your thoughts, but he can pick up on what you are thinking at that moment. Most of the time he filters out the voices in the heads around him, but at times the thoughts are so strong that he just can’t shut them out. Usually these thoughts are what get the story going.

As far as mystery drama shows go the show itself pretty much sticks to the formula that most similar shows follow: mystery introduced, investigation begins, investigation heads in the direction of a red herring, mystery solved in a suspenseful final few minutes of the show. Bones, Law & Order: SVU and even Psych use the same formula and each does it in a way that is still effective to their show. The Listener does this as well. Just like all of those other shows The Listener pulls it off by the strength of it’s cast. This show has the EMT side kick for comic relief, the former girlfriend doctor and the tough-as-nails female detective who is appreciative and suspicious of his ability and motive in aiding with investigations.

Another item that the show employs is the unresolved backstory of the shows hero. In each episode Toby remembers a bit more about his life prior to being delivered to college professor Ray Mercer for help. Early on the details of this life as sketchy as he has very few memories of this mother. This is another device that has been used by several shows and again it is done very well in The Listener, so much so that I find myself tuning in again to see what else will be revealed in the memories of this trailer in the middle of nowehere.

The Listener has already aired in several other parts of the world and is having a relative neck-and-neck run on NBC as well as CTV, the network which created the show. The ratings have declined since the premiere, but I’m hoping the cost of the show is deferred enough that we may see it return next summer since it is the kind of TV I’d definitely recommend.

Now that you’ve listened about me talk about The Listener let’s move on to the few viewing choices we really have available this week.

MONDAY

ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: The light weight teen drama is back with the season premiere of The Secret Life of the American Teenager.

TLC – 8:00 PM: Tonight there’s a “special announcement” on Jon & Kate Plus 8. Divorce? Quitting their show? Asking the media to finally mind their own business? We’ll find out tonight, I just hope it’s not that they are having another kid.

BRAVO – 10:00 PM: Kathy Griffin hooks up with Paula Deen tonight on My Life on the D-List. 10 to 1 Deen tries to deep fry Griffin or smothers her in butter. Why not, she does with just about everything else?

TUESDAY

NBC – 9:00 PM: Let’s face it, America’s Got Talent is really hoping to find the USA version of Susan Boyle. I’ll probably not watch and just let YouTube tell me if they find one or not.

A&E – 10:oo PM: The Cleaner returns for another season, with Whoopi Goldberg in a recurring role as Benjamin Bratt‘s ex-sponsor.

WEDNESDAY

MTV – 10:00 PM: Yet again seven strangers are picked to live in a house in The Real World: Cancun. I’m sure the producers are leaving the house fully stocked with alchohol in the hopes of ratings grabing debauchery. What? I’m just sayin’.

NBC – 10:00 PM: A rich kid grows a conscience and wants to help those in need in the new series The Philanthropist. A modern day The Millionaire or will it just be the new Juan to a Million? Only the ratings know.

THURSDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: John Taylor of Duran Duran guests as a rock star that Samantha dates on Samantha Who?

SHO – 10:00 PM: It’s a brand new season of Penn & Teller: Bull$hit! and they start things off with the light and family friendly subject matter of orgasm.

FRIDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: FOX hopes to cash in on a little Sci-Fi Friday with Ron Moore’s Virtuality. Earth’s first starship has to try to find salvation for mankind and the crew keeps sain by using virtual reality. Whackiness ensues.

CARTOON – 8:00 PM: Why not catch The Penguins of Madagascar? Seriously, there isn’t much else on.

SATURDAY

HISTORY – 8:00 PM: If you haven’t been watching the new season of Ice Road Truckers than you can take in three hours tonight to get all caught up.

ABC – 9:00 PM: Just a reminder if you didn’t set your DVR last week for the re-air of the first episode of Castle than you can at least catch the second episode tonight.

TBS – 9:00 PM: Just when you thought you needed more celebrity hosted variety shows there comes Ellen’s Bigger, Longer and Wider Show.

SUNDAY

COMEDY CENTRAL – 7:00 PM: It’s Van Wilder night with the original immediately followed by the abysmal Rise of Taj.

HBO – 10:00 PM: Once again an HBO original series about a high school gym teacher comes out, but this one is no Kenny Powers. Thomas Jane is apparently Hung and he turns his gift into money by moonlighting as a male escort.