
I’m awesome. I wrote a book. It’s got little to do with movies. Download and read “Thank You, Goodnight” right HERE for free.
Question for the group: Does box office negate the stones people cast against it?
I was reminded this week of the words some people have used against the newest INDIANA JONES incarnation but, from the looks of things, everyone might as well have saved that breath for blowing up balloons. Scoring over $100 million at the box office it truly was critic-proof of the highest order; some said that was going to save SPEED RACER but judging by the “Price Cut” on almost anything with a SPEED logo on it at the local Target near my house it is anything but a safe critic proof environment for films.
Now, without getting into what really makes a critic proof film, that could be a column all unto itself, I’m at a loss to really understand what kind of purpose criticism really serves in this age when anyone with an Internet connection can weasel their way into a screening and post a review of it. At 78% approval at Rotten Tomatoes the film is unquestionably a critical success.
It was obvious that the schism that occurred, critically, was one where enthusiasts of the franchise (and make no mistake that this film is just a franchise. Those who want to inflate its cultural significance to anything more than a successful business property need to take an economics class to see why Hollywood still exists today.) had real issues with some of the patina the film’s characters were wont to use, that some of the CGI was ridiculously shabby, that the self same CGI was specifically pointed out by Spielberg as something that *wasn’t* going to be heavily used in many of his previous interviews (for illustrations on how this was supposed to look, gaze on the practicality employed in IRON MAN.) and that many of the story’s elements just failed to produce any sort of pulpy sense of adventure we’ve come to expect from this film’s previous outings.
Personally, the level of quality and attention to any real tension was already on a decline after RAIDERS. How could you have topped some guy getting his face slashed by a propeller? What else has been more exciting than seeing a human skull just melt like a candle? The answer is that you couldn’t but the series has been a serviceable one not to mention that this entry was just a half-assed when compared to the other films.
And that’s really what’s at issue when it comes to critical reviews. You can either review the work in a vacuum, which it should be if you want to be absolutely true to the idea of criticism, or judge it against what has come before it. Hence, that’s the real quandary but the reason why it’s done so well at the box office. Judged alone, it’s a serviceable action film that deserved its cash because it delivers on many base needs for those who need a summer film with flashes of pop, a little intrigue and a whole lot of action. Judged against the other films, though, and you have a world of problems that people have when fans wonder why, when you have Spielberg and Lucas and Koepp in a super triad team-up, you end up with a turd that floats right on the surface of the punchbowl.
But, just like true criticism, these negative points are all muted by the very large bankroll. In a land ruled by dollars, this movie will never be seen as anything less than a success. That’s what probably irks most people who know better.
Case in point, though, is Herr Raymond “Don’t Call Me Heeb” Schillaci’s review of INDIANA JONES AND THE QUEST FOR MORE GOLD COINS which follows promptly after this column. Ray has certainly endeared himself to a lot of the readership if the mail is to be believed but since I don’t I still rate his qualifications as a reviewer to be on par with a grade schooler with an acute drooling problem…and who also happens to be retarded. But that’s just me. Feel free to disagree with him, as I have, in the comments section below.
Director: Jody Hill
Cast: Danny McBride, Ben Best, Mary Jane Bostic
Release: May 30, 2008
Synopsis: THE FOOT FIST WAY, an uproarious, full-contact comedy featuring one of this year’s least likely heroes, is the first project from Will Ferrell and Adam McKay’s Gary Sanchez Productions. Included in Ain’t It Cool News’ Top 10 Films of 2007, THE FOOT FIST WAY became a sensation at the 2006 Sundance Film Festival, as audiences fell in love with the seriously self-deluded Tae Kwon Do instructor Fred Simmons, who talks a big, macho game, but falls to pieces when his wife betrays him. Self-control, courtesy, perseverance, integrity and an indomitable spirit ““ those are the basic tenets preached by the proud but stern Master instructor Simmons at the Concord Tae Kwon Do Studio. There “the way of the foot and the fist,” a.k.a. the definition of the featured Korean martial art, turns boys into black belts and suburbanites into great warriors. That is, until Simmons’ seemingly perfect life starts collapsing when he discovers his wife having an affair on him. Twice. A chance to resurrect his life by battling his hero – the 8-time undefeated champ and star of the “Seven Rings of Pain” trilogy, Chuck “The Truck” Wallace – gives Simmons’ life purpose as he winds up on a wild, comic journey that will take him from egomaniacal bluster all the way to becoming the stand-up man of his delusional dreams.
View Trailer:
* Medium (YouTube)
Prognosis: Negative. If I was 13 I would probably be all over this trailer.
“Wow,” I would say, “Look at how he’s taking your average blond who’s looking for a yoga workout only to be totally verbally kicked in the face by having Danny McBride say “˜Well, has yoga ever saved someone from a gang rape type of situation’! I mean, wow!”
One of the things I don’t appreciate about comedic trailers nowadays are those that try too hard and, as IDIOCRACY clearly was divining, use nut shots and other physical type of humor to say in flashing neon “Look at us! We’re really funny!”
The reason why the Payton Manning sketch on SNL bit worked, where he was beaning kids in the head with a football and mocking, chiding these children every chance he could, where there was some of the very same comedic elements present was because it worked against type. Here, though, you have an obviously disconnected retard whose only function seems to be that same whorish “Look at me!” type of personality that I guess we’re supposed to find amusing.
The first 15 seconds are painful; let’s just get that over with. The scene that follows, where this douche is taunting what looks like an 8 year-old as he punches him in the head, I guess is supposed to be uproaringly hilarious. I mean, yeah, it’s visually amusing but it just feels like they’re trying way too hard to make this funny. There’s a fine line between subtlety and blunt force trauma when it comes to punchlines.
Exhibit B: This dope of a Tae Kwon Do instructor is at a barbeque. Some trashy looking lady is doing her nails and we’re given, again what’s supposed to be a joke, a moment where this guy explains the difference between a whore and whore-ish. I just don’t get it, I guess.
And, let’s not overlook the fact that we’re told that Adam McKay and Will Ferrell was given this movie last year, and that they’ve watched it 20 times and that they’re now quoting it. As much of a lark that is to explain to the rest of us, obviously not true because if I had to even watch this trailer 5 more times I would take a meat cleaver and slice my own eyeballs with it, it doesn’t bode well for their reputations to me anyhow that they would sanction a piece of shit like this.
Ah, yes, I forgot to mention: the reason why this is a red band trailer. I think one of the ways in which red band trailers differ from many other types of trailers are that sometimes they offer a more intense look at the film. Sometimes it helps, sometimes, well, you get trailers like this. It seems red band to these people means Reason To Inject F-Bombs like it was a blitzkrieg on London circa World War II. Yeah, I like the uses of these words. I like when they’re used to hilarious effect but I dare anyone here to watch this trailer and tell me it doesn’t seem like it’s just an excuse to stick them in there.
I will say high-five for the scene where a kid is about to go toe-to-toe with one of this instructor’s friends only to have the moment broken, by instead of a martial arts fight, we have the other guy lay into the kid with a fist to the face. Nice touch.
After a very long quick clip sequence to an Andrew W.K. soundtrack, and after I’m thoroughly confused as to what is going on in this film, I’m left to say that I have no intention of seeing this film. Believe me, this trailer tries very hard to say why this is going to be the comedic equivalent of an orgasm but I’m left with blue balls on this one.
AMERICAN TEEN (2008)
Director: Nanette Burstein
Cast: Lots of High Schoolers
Release: July 25, 2008
Synopsis: A documentary on seniors at a high school in a small Indiana town and their various cliques.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)
Prognosis: Positive. I could watch this stuff all day and night.
I am endlessly fascinated by sociological examinations, be they a look into groups of people who I never took the time to understand (the lives of those who have to deal with autistic children, soldiers who are coming home from Iraq and dealing with PTSD, etc”¦) or groups of people I was once myself, namely high schoolers, I’ve always gravitated back to teens and young adults, Perhaps it’s my fear that I will lose my grip on what made those years from 14-18 so watershed-y but watching pieces on PBS’ Frontline about how teens are evolving to PBS’ American High which was waaaay too short to the recent series High School Confidential on the We network (seeing how I have two girls it was damn near required viewing) I am reminded why I dig this stuff. There is a certain commonality we all share with this group of individuals and AMERICAN TEEN seems like it could play just as well on the big screen as it could on the small screen.
One of the keys in making these productions work, and why this thing starts off really well, is its jumpy, cheeky tone. The music is reminiscent of an ELO ditty, not that I would expect any teen in this film to know who ELO is, but it sets up a few things without you even realizing it: the place, the time, the people and the fact that this all begins on the first day of their last year in high school.
Now, while you see the prime players in this thing, getting ready for their school day, there is the sanitized sense that this could be another whitewash that we’ve all grown accustomed to in this age of MTV editing and where it’s in that edit bay that storylines take their shape. This is further reinforced by the labels we’re given for those we’re going to follow: The Jock, The Rebel, The Geek, The Princess and The Heartthrob.
I’m at odds with my attraction to the material and the obvious misrepresentations that can happen when you do put labels and monikers on things. Evolutionarily speaking, yeah, we survive this life because we label and group things; it helps to establish some kind of order to everything which would otherwise be chaos. But, I can see why the filmmakers have decided to let this go. It just helps those of us playing at home to keep score of what we’re seeing. I get that and it’s forgivable when the cards “Who”¦Were”¦You?” come across the screen.
I’ll take Not Smart Freak for $500.
What follows is the only thing that can follow at this point. You have one girl talking about what it’s like in Warsaw, Indiana and the kind of rural country all of us in our 30’s will say looks like something out of FOOTLOOSE or 16 CANDLES. It looks like Wonder Bread country for sure and it seems like a good as place as any to document the modern teen species. Say what you will about organisms and their behavior when you expose them to cameras and observation but there is some glimmer here that we will catch a glimpse of something real in the process.
Director: Baz Luhrmann
Cast: Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman
David Wenham, Jack Thompson, Bryan Brown
Release: November 14, 2008
Synopsis: AUSTRALIA is an epic and romantic action adventure, set in that country on the explosive brink of World War II. In it, an English aristocrat (Nicole Kidman) travels to the faraway continent, where she meets a rough-hewn local (Hugh Jackman) and reluctantly agrees to join forces with him to save the land she inherited. Together, they embark upon a transforming journey across hundreds of miles of the world’s most beautiful yet unforgiving terrain, only to still face the bombing of the city of Darwin by the Japanese forces that attacked Pearl Harbor. With his new film, Luhrmann is painting on a vast canvas, creating a cinematic experience that brings together romance, drama, adventure and spectacle.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)
Prognosis: Positive. I’m going to assume a lot of people here know a lift when they see one.
I can’t say that every time I’m told when an artist has pulled this from one work or pulled that from a cover of another comic book and made it into something almost completely identical that it’s a completely derivative work but I’ll be damned if there isn’t a whole lot of thieving going on in this trailer. Not that these things are bad, mind you, but it really is the most sincere form of flattery when you steal from the best.
In this trailer it’s like you have some things from GONE WITH THE WIND, THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY, GIANT and a handful of other oldies but goodies.
As if I have to make some remark about when a parent company is owned by a subsidiary before talking about a stock recommendation but, honestly, I can’t think of the last time Nicole Kidman really inspired that lovin’ feeling in me to see one of her films. THE GOLDEN COMPASS only proved that Botox is working overtime to keep that forehead as smooth as a baby’s ass and, let’s be honest as you look over her resume over the last few years, THE INVASION sucked, FUR sucked, BEWITCHED really sucked and THE INTERPRETER really blew; that said, I was blown away by this trailer.
Even the opening is a little magical by the flip-flip-flip of the CGI papers when the set up happens at second 1: it’s World War II, it’s in Australia, the Japanese are a threat to that prison island and you have the oddest moment between Kidman and some girl who seems like she’s just chillin’ in a bomb crater. The story itself is presented pretty kid-clear as Kidman relates the tale to Crater Girl.
There’s a girl and there’s a boy. Here, Jackman is all sorts of Clint Eastwood and there is even some elements of PEARL HARBOR and that GLADIATOR shot of the fingers rolling across the wheat fields; I’m telling you, it’s like seeing a Best Of montage for all these films. And while this is all going on we have one of the most accurate grasps on what the movie is about as things roll on. It’s amazing that we know so much but don’t know anything at all regarding what Jackman and Kidman have to do with one another.
The 2nd half of this trailer, normally reserved for more exposition, is used for a lovely string arrangement that blends some of the most fantastical imagery I’ve seen for a film not already slated to come out during the summer. You have fires, horses, guns, armies and an oddly squatting Aboriginal while it’s all wrapped up in this majestic sense of time and place.
While I wouldn’t purport to say this seems like one of the more big films of the fall season by any means I will say that the sound of a cracking whip never sounded so thrilling as it did here. Indiana Jones has nothing on Hugh Jackman. As well, it’s nice to look forward to film that may bring more to the screen than just superhero theatrics and genuinely give people a reason to see why wide screens were really meant for the cinema.
I hope I’m not wrong. While I know there’s some veiled finger pointing at what seems to be original or fresh about this production I will say that this trailer is really one of the only ones this month that has kind of stayed with me for a bit. For what it’s worth it does have some charm.
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Indiana Jones and the Curse of the Fans
No matter what, we as fans of George Lucas and Steven Spielberg will always expect more, and rarely will they deliver. So I urge everyone interested in seeing their future movies to stop genuflecting to your celluloid deities and accept them as better-than-average filmmakers who have faults with touches of brilliance. This way, one can walk out of Indian Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull with a fun sense of nostalgia and newbies can have just as good of a time as the rest of us.
Too further substantiate this claim I present the facts of the past. Lucas and Spielberg were launched into movie history fame by less than a handful of brilliant films, Lucas ““ Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back (some will argue American Graffiti, but that is barely a blip on the radar), Spielberg ““ Jaws, Close Encounters, E.T. and Schindler’s List. Together they created the Indy mythos with only Raiders being the stand out and that even had its problems to some. Those problems being that it emulated the Saturday Matinees so well that people wanted steak with their popcorn. There were complaints that it could have been the Gone With The Wind of action movies. Lacking was the depth of a real relationship between Indy and Marion even though Ford and Allen generated sparks through a downpour of action set pieces. And, what pieces they were, Lucas and Spielberg raised the bar for not only everybody else but themselves too, never to duplicate that sense of wonderment or magic. Would they touch upon it? Sure, but not always to satisfying effect.
L & S are homage experts they appear more comfortable when they emulate rather than create. Their giant hits of the past were made out of hunger and passion. Few filmmakers ever remain consistent or close to it and we as an audience have demanded it of L & S. It’s time to set expectations aside. They are not in the same category as John Ford, Alfred Hitchcock or David O’Selznick. We just thought they might be at one time. And, it could be argued that they are not as consistently interesting as those who have avoided selling themselves out and remained on the fringe creating a maintainable mythos surrounding their work; David Lynch, David Cronenberg, Quentin Tarantino.
Now for the good news, those who enter setting aside their expectations and expecting more than the pale comparisons that have emulated the Indy movies (National Treasure, Tomb Raider and half-assed Brendan Fraser fare) you may rejoice. It is fun. It will not bring you to your feet applauding but it is a great summer escape. First off, let’s dismiss the stuffy critics of Ford’s age. John Wayne was revered as a great action western star till he was 71 and Ford is in much better shape. The part is his and his alone. He fits into it like a well-worn glove and is pure fun to watch until the movie gets bogged down into exposition midway through.
The last thing we need from an Indy movie is the sense that we are going to nod off. This is probably the point when a studio exec needed to step in and demand not only a brush up on Koepp’s patchwork script but a better editor as well. After all it was Verna Fields that saved Jaws from sinking into oblivion. But this good-ole boys club is far too powerful to have anyone monkey with their newfound toy. Everyone will have to play by their rules and that means we as an audience must suffer through the slow exposition pieces, the phoned in writing of Marion’s return (which could have been a great shot in the arm) and a tagged on lackluster epilogue that not only appeared to be strained but only there for the purpose of the suggestion of another taking Indy’s reigns. Hey, L & S unless you want to see your cash cow butchered ““ don’t even go there!
Okay, I’ve spit out the venom, now onto the glory. Once again, everything else is pure fun. Some of the action pieces are right out of the L & S library of good times by all. As I mentioned before, Ford is great as the world weary Indy. Cate Blanchett adds fun to the villainy of Mother Russia and even though she’s Russian she might as well be goose-stepping. Not only is Blanchett pleasant on the eyes but also something about her elicits our bad-boy fantasies. Shia LeBeouf turns in a surprising performance that fares much better than any of the younger Indy carnations from the past. The story is pure Saturday matinee action/adventure with a dash of X-Files thrown in for good measure. That may seem out of place for an Indy movie but not for Lucas and Spielberg who have waded in the genre before.
But does it work? In a way, yes it worked, but not always to satisfying effect. If only less CGI was relied on. I’m not a big critic of CGI, it’s useful when not overused, and the tech wizards that L & S are should have known when enough was enough. One of the last shots is so over the top it makes some of Indy’s copycats start to look good.
Like the James Bond series Indy will be enjoyed for better or for worse. Technically savvy and catering to the fantasies of young boys and men struck down with the Peter Pan syndrome. Indy is a staple in our love for all things nostalgic and will continue to entertain as long as our children have a desire to go to the movies. I’ll buy this one on Blu Ray before I ever fork over the rental money for a National Treasure 2.


Jonathan Coulton on Jonathan Coulton: “In 2005 I left my day job writing software to pursue music full time. To keep myself busy I released a new song on this website every week for a year in a project called Thing a Week. A few of those songs became big internet hits (my folky cover of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”, a funny video called “Flickr”, a song called “Code Monkey”), and I am now fortunate enough to make my living as a musician.
Paul and Storm are a comedy music duo, and they have been performing as a duo since 2004. Before that, they were one half of a cappella band Da Vinci’s Notebook for about 12 years. A Paul and Storm show is part music concert and part standup/improv comedy”“just enough of both to fit neatly in neither category. They like to engage the audience, and are known to award snack cakes and/or other prizes for good (and sometimes bad) behavior. Their show would be PERFECT as a cable special, and would make lots of money for whichever brave channel decides to air them first.
Doc Hammer was born in 1626 in Hamar, Norway, under the name Erik VonHamer. Being the son of a humble cobbler, not much was expected of the young man, other than to cobble and to not complain about all the cobbling. But Doc was destined for greater things. At 17, with nothing more than really well made shoes and a dream, he made his way to Antwerp to study oil painting under the great Rubens. Within a year, the two were at odds. Rubens spoke (infrequently) of Doc as “that creepy skinny kid,” and Doc spoke of Rubens’s work as “kinda unattractive if you really look at it.” By 1648, Doc had relocated to Leiden, where he found his master in Rembrandt. It was there, in his 23rd year, that Doc met “She Who Was To Deliver The Kiss Of Eternal Youth.” After a spicy courtship, “She Who Was To Deliver The Kiss Of Eternal Youth” and Doc were married. By 1650 Doc had grown weary of immortality and committed an unsuccessful suicide by burying his never-corpse in the basement of a Dutch cottage. In 1870, Doc again resurfaced. Using the name Vilhelm Hammershoi, Doc resumed his painting career with mild success. After thanking his bride for “the immortality thing” and nicely reminding her that he had “heard every one of her stories like a billion times,” “She Who Was To Deliver The Kiss Of Eternal Youth” and Doc split up in 1916. Again, Doc literally went underground until, now using the name Armond Hammer, he resurfaced and made a whole mess of money selling overpriced meds to the Russians. Sick of all the baking soda jokes, Doc faked his death. Biding his time till the MC Hammer thing had blown over, Doc again resurfaced as “Doc Hammer.” Today, Doc still paints in oils and writes, voices, and does other crap for The Venture Bros. (a show you can watch on cable TV).
Matt Lees was born and raised in sheep-lovin’ Wales. At 12-years-old his family decided to move to everything lovin’ Canada and start a new life. Not an easy feat for any person, let alone a less-than-manly pre-teen. Eager to fit in with the Canuck teens he threw himself into the arts. He began an obsessive love affair with music. Writing and singing to express his emotions, he needed to learn an instrument to complete his sound. In the beginning he learned piano but, being lazy, he didn’t want to lug a piano everywhere. Guitar seemed like the easiest choice… plus, chicks dig guitar players. Ego in hand, he now fronts a self-titled band. The MLB fuses a pop-rock sound with a modern blues feel. Playing mainly in Ontario, Canada, Matt has also shared his music with audiences in Europe – even the French! Matt loves long walks on the beach, puppies, sharing his feelings and the smell of dew in the morning. He is currently ‘sticking it to the man’ in the real world while preparing to record and release his debut album (aka scrounging funds and searching for a cheaper studio).
Born in the fall of 2006 in the center of the two-man acoustic comedy rock scene, Columbus, Ohio, the self proclaimed Turner and Hooch of Rock and Roll, The Paul Frumpton Experience Featuring Larry – known more colloquially as Jeff Stormer and Jeremy Hoover – are best described as what happens when comedy, music, caffeine, and improv collide in a chocolaty, peanut buttery explosion of good times. Stormer and Hoover met as students of Ohio State University and have been performing for scraps of food and hobo nickels ever since. Jeremy and Jeff’s major influences include Bacon, Booster Gold & Blue Beetle’s irreverent banter, David Bowie’s crotch in Labyrinth, and a deep-seated love of go karts. Finally, we feel obliged to mention all the things that are off limits to the comedy duo… This list includes NOTHING.
Lex Friedman’s musical influences include artists like They Might Be Giants, Moxy Fruvous, “Weird Al” Yankovic, CAKE, Barenaked Ladies, Tom Lehrer, Ben Folds, and Michael Jackson. Lex has left a smattering of bizarre music videos on YouTube, which have been slowly overtaken by videos of his 18-month-old daughter Anya. He occasionally shares new songs on his blog. He currently appears both weekly and weakly as the host of the “Week in Douchebaggery” on Cracked.com. Lex, his aforementioned daughter Anya, his lovely wife Lauren, and his diabetic maltese Charlie all live together in New Jersey, and sincerely hope that you don’t hold that against them. He gives one of them two injections if insulin each day – guess which! Lex also wrote this sentence. To avoid appearing like a suck-up, Lex has neglected to mention other musical influences of his who may or may not be the Iron Chefs of this Song Fu competition. Let’s just say he happens to also love the musical stylings of a guy whose name rhymes with Shmonathan Shmoulton.
I picked up the guitar 20 some years ago and still don’t know one scale or the names of most of the chords. After a year of playing I formed a band called The Narrow Way. We wrote such classics as “Polka Hell” and “The Shades of Limbo”. After refining my chops, I then formed a band called Mechanized Death, which was named after that infamous car accident safety movie from the 70’s. We wrote such inspired classics as “Roadkill”, “Tunafish” and “I Don’t Care”. After Mechanized Death, I went solo and now have written hundreds of songs… I even sold one to a morning radio talk show (ahhh… the fame). Lately, I won song of the day at Garageband.com…So I guess my star is still rising.
Ben Rossow is seeking to inflict upon the world his unique brand of acoustic pop/punk/folk music. Hailing from Mora, Minnesota, this northern songsmith and his collaborator, Pete Morgan, have recorded and performed under the name “Ben & Pete.” Ben plays acoustic guitar and makes noise with his mouth, while Pete generally attracts songbirds with his delightful vocal stylings, and sometimes adds keyboard effects to distract potential enemies. Influences range from Bob Dylan to Weezer, Cheap Trick to The White Stripes.
My Fu is stronger than you! I am Coleman Bear Saunders, or Cloakie to most. At the age of 25 I work with music everyday at my studio that I recently built. I produce, engineer and compose various genres of music with ninja like precision. I have been picking away at the guitar since the age of 7 after watching my Dad play Johnny Cash tunes in the wrong key while singing the wrong lyrics, although I do the same thing because that’s the way I was learnt, ya hear me boy? I live in Kentucky and the music scene isn’t the greatest, so I turn to the internet to pipeline my Fu to the masses for free. I’m getting tired of music these days, I want some more songs about Dragons and fucking! Songs that take you on a journey and let you experience a different world, like movies do. My dream is to compose and score music for video games, TV, and my ultimate goal, the big screen. This is why the Song Fu competition was made for me. All the challenges that the competition presents to me will be similar to the expectations of future employers. Good luck to all, and may the best Fu win.
Elaine Chao Finnell is a singer/songwriter from the San Francisco Bay Area. In her checkered musical past, she has been a choral singer, a pit musician, an a cappella vocalist, a vocal percussionist, a hip hop beatboxer, contemporary Christian worship musician, and a musical librettist. After leaving the a cappella world in 2001, Elaine shifted into the world of hip hop theater, touring with spoken word artist Aya de León, then going solo and performing in such venues as the Yerba Buena Gardens in San Francisco and at the Apollo Theater in New York City. She began writing music at the tender age of 17, co-authoring her first musical with Brian Allan Hobbs. Since then, she has written two full length musicals and two plays. She currently plays regularly at her church as a lead vocalist and rhythm guitarist. While not in her musical pursuits, Elaine can be found in a cubicle at a major software company, at home with her engineer husband and their network of Macs, or studying martial arts at a local university.
Airplane vs. Ambulance are a four-piece synth-punk band from Abbotsford, BC. The band’s sound has been described as a blend of pop hooks and indie sensibility, and the’ve crafted their own unique take on modern rock.
East Carolina was formed in 2006 when friends Aaron (vocals, keyboards, accordion, etc) and Stuart (electric guitar, bass, keyboards, etc.) realized that, though often praised individually for their musical prowess, together they would be a virtually less-stoppable musical force. Combining in their music elements of alternative and classic rock, comedy, jazz, hilarious banter, polka, and more, East Carolina creates music that is unique, pleasurable, and often unclassifiable. Their original songs range in topic from Spanish love gone wrong to social anxiety to properties of gasses, and beyond. East Carolina is thrilled to be participating in the Masters of Song Fu competition and looks forward to sharing their songs with all of you.
To Serve Mankind seeks to do just that, via music that makes you think about the world and your place in it differently. Friends since high school, the duo, likened to They Might Be Giants or Barenaked Ladies, have played back yards to front yards and everywhere in between. It seemed like just yesterday To Serve Mankind had absolutely no future, and look at them now, competing in Song Fu against artists such as Paul and Storm and, uh, the Jonathan Coulton. Jeff Little and Bryan Ewing both grew up in Apple Valley, CA, an environment which demands creativity just to stay sane among Joshua trees, dirt, and the Wal*Mart. With a combined vocal range of at least a perfect 5th, To Serve Mankind is ready to take the world… aeriously. Bryan is into Rock, Jeff digs on Funk. Both serve as worship leaders at their respective churches and are married… not to each other… but to one woman each – Bryan to Michelle, Jeff to Jen. Bryan has a son named Malachi, and Jeff is expecting his wife to follow through on this pregnancy thing and produce a daughter, Jane. Jeff, Bryan (and Malachi) love Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Hello. I am Jeremy Edgington. Call me germ. I live in Springfield, Ohio and I was born here in 1972. I started playing guitar at about 13. I took it seriously only off and on. I love to play. I hate to practice. I just jam. I got began enjoying “deeply listening” to music at a really young age. I was into Kiss when I was in Kindergarten and first grade. I had all of their albums. Second grade came along and out with Kiss, in with Def Lepard! Then came Van Halen and so on. I have a nice recording studio. Buckethead is a huge influence on me. I play bass and guitar. I do drum programming. I also program background ambience. I use the guitar for just ambient noises in songs, too. I will someday release a CD. Maybe…
Relic’s Jetboat are a modern folk band – this isn’t about acoustic guitars in the coffee shop, it’s songs about modern folk and the events or stories around us. They bring a party band attitude to their songs about Garage Sailin’, Gordon Downie, Ogopogo and The Beachcombers. The songs cross genres as they represent the music that we hear these days. From country to reggae, punk, celtic and rock, the band has been described as “The Barenaked Ladies with an edge”, or this review of the band: “These guys could get a job doing Muppet Music. From Canada, they perform their individual style with ease and an abundance of satire. They take us back to a time of musical innocence when people got off on groups like the Beach Boys.”
The Deal: After 20+ years making music as a hobby, I recently wrote and recorded a song for my daughter. I got a little taste of mild success (hey, my mom liked it). So now I’m taking my music out of the closet, dusting it off, and seeing how it does in the sunshine. Who knew there was so much work in just attempting to do music for a living. I feel like I am opening a Subway franchise (Only opening a Subway franchise seems more fulfilling in a creative way).
Shannon is a woman of keen intellect and she is a little cuter than average, but not photogenic, so her picture will not necessarily reflect her attractiveness. She likes to ride vintage bicycles that clunk and whistle so that people in the city know she’s approaching and take notice. When she’s not working her ass off at her corporate job that pays huge cash, she likes to belittle her husband (sorry, fellows, she’s married) and re-arrange her coaster collection. She wants to make it big in Song Fu so that she can finally have an excuse to quit her career and bask in the adoration of her fans. At this time, she only has two fans (three, if you include the kid in the street that sometimes rides by on his scooter and stops for a minute when he hears her playing the guitar in the back yard, or maybe he’s looking at her dog in the window; she’s not sure).
I trained as a film critic at Glasgow University, then as an actor at the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama and then worked in a call centre for three years. Figures. Fed up with offering people death insurance, I taught myself how to edit film and got a job in a Glaswegian production company editing fishing programmes. When the allure of that finally wore off I went freelance for a while before setting up my own company, TheCage.TV Ltd. All through this time I’ve been writing songs to play live and record, in the olden days on MiniDisc and four-tracks and nowadays on Garageband. Currently I’m the only member of the band so it’s essentially solo work, though in theory anyone can contribute.
Run At The Dog are high energy, rock/pop, category-sluts with multi-gendered vocals and intricate arrangements. They are like Abba meets Faith No More meets Mos Def meets the Mormon Tabernacle Choir meets Steely Dan. The songs of this Minneapolis 5-piece are always written right away, with no respect for the calculating mind. Audience members are unsure whether to dance, laugh, or panic.


Oh no! Just when you thought it was safe to hang out at the Quick Stop…

CABIN FEVER #25: If At First You Don’t Succeed – Our demented duo return after a short hiatus and, due to rustiness, the episode gets off to the worst of starts – mics aren’t switched on, audio is lost, and everything that can go wrong does until take 3. Undaunted, they manage to squeeze out an hour of infotainment regarding 13-year old geniuses, incarcerated donkeys, and the diplomatic power of Hello Kitty. All this, and they also manage a second installment of the much-lauded “taste test” segment, focusing this time on the almost mythical wax candy: Nik-L-Nips.























Ever since seeing Raiders of the Lost Ark as a wee child, Indy’s iconic headwear has held a special fascination for me. Even going back 15 years, I contemplated trying to get a fedora of my own – but the price was quite prohibitive (or, at least, relative to my finances today). Still, the dream persisted, and on a trip to Disneyland a few years back I picked up one of their $35 officially licensed fedoras – and I was happy. It looked close enough to the real thing for me to feel like I finally got what I’d always wanted. Ah, but then 
We’ve now officially reached – and passed – the middle of
With all that attention being paid to the man with the hat, let’s turn our eye towards the original Lucasian franchise that was driven into the ground with an unfortunate return, Star Wars. Before the release of the prequels – even before the release of the special editions – there was an incredible behind-the-scenes tome that was released. Though out of print for years, it was brought back into print a few years back, and it’s celebration of an unsullied Star Wars universe warms my frosted heart. Packed with hundreds of behind-the-scenes photos and detailed information, get your own copy of
Although still largely unknown in the US, I’m quite the fan of mentalist/magician/illusionist/creepy guy Derren Brown. I heartily recommend you pick up the DVD documenting his live tour
It’s been so long since their airing that I barely remember the episodes features in the 5th season set of
Although his smarmy, opportunistic, and ultimately destructive behavior became cartoonish in his last years as prime minister, it’s a film like writer Peter Morgan and director Stephen Frears’
Long before her turn as Carrie Bradshaw, Sarah Jessica Parker was teamed with Amy Linker in the 80’s prototype for My So-Called Life,
Longtime readers of this column will know I’m a sucker for historical documentaries, so keep that in mind when I say I watched
If you’re an armchair adventurer, you might want to pick up a copy of
If you’ve not yet seen
Often – and unfairly – overshadowed by the much showier Platoon,
After four seasons of Jim Nabors bumbling around as the titular
You’ve got to love BBC period dramas – and I do. They’re lush, they’re dependable, and they’re usually packed with top-flight actors. Such is the case with
I was an avid Saturday morning cartoon watcher during the 70’s and 80’s, and even I don’t remember that there was such a beast as the
Not one to let the dead rest even a moment, George Romero returns with another installment in his seemingly never-ending zombie saga,
If watching war flicks over the labor day weekend seems kind of old hat, you might want to try taking a look at the veritable wagonload of westerns making their way out of the vaults. First out the gate is Fox, which has dropped
For sheer volume, though, MGM has opened up the floodgates with
If you’re in the mood for a great drama that features Eddie Izzard (and really, who isn’t?), try the Region 2 release
Surely I can’t be the only one that had zero interest in National Treasure, and even less interest in its sequel,
Take Party Animal, mix in The Hills, and add a bit of the envelope pushing of Queer As Folk – oh, and set it all in the UK – and you’ve got the basic formula for
The be-uniformed crusaders of the Judge Advocate General’s office return in the sixth season of
I still believe the film is an unwanted return to a franchise whose potential was dashed upon the rocks of a mediocre first outing, but there is something to be said for Harry Gregson-Williams’ score to
Hoping to fill the void left by Jeff Foxworthy’s departure from the sitcom scene, redneck compatriot Bill Engvall received the eponymous
Broadway-philes can give a spin to the new revival cast recording from Rodgers & Hammerstein’s 






Director: Christopher Zalla
Director: Jay Duplass, Mark Duplass
Director: Christopher Bell
This week I was going to plug my new course at New York University’s School of Continuing and Professional Studies: “The Superhero as American Icon.” But then last week I received bad news: only two people had signed up for the course, so NYU was canceling it. This keeps happening. Where is this wave of serious interest in the comics medium that I keep hearing about?
The athletic bodysuits serve a practical function. As for the other costumes in the show, it is hard to imagine anyone wearing them on the street. That is probably the point: this exhibit is about fashion as dressing up for display at parties and galas, for putting on alternate identities, not as practical everyday wear.




Teardrop consists of just two members, brothers Jono Renton and Pete Renton. Brought up on the sounds of Saturday morning television in the 90’s they seek to write music that is evocative of both the past and looking forward. Both members use different skills to create their unique sound, often associated with such acts as The Album Leaf, Boards Of Canada, Aphex Twin and other IDM artists. Jono provides the guitars, while Pete provides the synths and drums.
In the Audience is the newest musical outlet for singer/guitarist Jordan Stowell. At age 18, Jordan has just released his debut EP online and in select independent record stores in the northeast United States. The music has been compared to popular acts like Goo Goo Dolls and Guster as well as smaller acts like Anathallo and The Format. The music of In the Audience would likely fall under the genre of “Indie Pop.” Although likely not making an appearance due to time constraints, the band also includes guitarist Steve Janick. The band mixes calming acoustic guitars and violins, with loud percussion and the occasional keyboard or hand clap. New to the music game, In the Audience is already preparing summer tour dates in select regions of the United States and Canada.
Hello there! We’re John and Jane DeLorean, and together we are the FLYING DELOREANS. We used to be husband and wife, but after a brief creative hiatus we got a divorce and now are just brother and sister. We have many, many influences, but mainly just really enjoy playing music. Our main instruments are piano and ukulele and guitar and we’re basically the loveable underdog. Well, see ya.
















First and foremost, take a moment to celebrate the glorious demise of the ill-conceived American version of Spaced with the news that this July brings the release with the original Britcom that put Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Jessica Hynes, and Edgar Wright on the geek map. Loaded with bonus features from not only the UK release, but also exclusive to the US edition, this is a must-have set. Keep an eye out at your favorite online retailer or DVD emporium.
By the third season of
For years now, I’ve been reiterating that you should buy, post-haste, the comedic sci-fi novels of Simpsons writer John Swartzwelder. Every one so far has been a gem, and he’s managed to keep the plate spinning with his latest tale of slow-witted detective Frank Burly,
With a new Indy flick in the offing, it was a foregone conclusion that we’d see some form of re-release on the original trilogy – and so we have with the
Cinema geeks rejoice! Universal has seen fit to collect 10 of their catalogue’s most genre-tastic titles into one box set –
As much as I liked the “official” history found in the deluxe tome To Infinity And Beyond, it’s nice to have a complementary, unauthorized book about the early days and rise of Pixar to balance out the picture, and David Price’s
The movie’s not yet in theaters, but everything I’ve seen of Kung Fu Panda has made me keen to do so. It’s taken awhile for rival studios that the way to fight Pixar is not to make knock-off Pixar flicks, but to realize the same thing that Warners did in their heyday – leave the heart to Disney and focus on the comedy instead. If you want to whet your appetite for this flick, look no further than
I wasn’t alive to experience firsthand growing up in the 50’s, but I’m certainly aware of the shows and celebrities that made up the pop culture diet of that generation. If you’re as interested as I am in that period, you’ve got to get yourself a copy of
It’s been 10 years since the passing of the Chairman of the Board, and Warners has seen fit to celebrate his passing with a quartet of box sets celebrating Frank Sinatra’s cinematic legacy –
Everyone’s favorite sleuthing antiquities dealer returns in the complete third season of
It’s not like I would have paid to see it in the theater, but
The fourth season of
Just when my nephews have nearly burned out the previous release, along comes
One of my nephews is fast approaching the one-year mark, and getting him to sleep is quite a feat with all that teething going on. We’ve found that a big help in the seemingly never-ending battle is Nickelodeon’s
The off-color puppets are back with
Have you ever picked up a book and thought “This is an idea that was a long-time coming…”? I thought that very thing when I thumbed through
You’ll weep, you’ll awww, you’ll get plenty of points from your significant other if you pick her up a copy of the new
Like According To Jim,
Surprisingly enough, Sean Combs acquitted himself quite well in last year’s TV adaptation of
One of those programs that will always grab my attention if insomnia or boredom has me scanning channels at 4 in the morning is anything with forensic examiner Dr. Michael Baden. An all-new edition of