FRED Entertainment

June 26, 2006

Party Favors: Philadelphia Freedom

Filed under: Joe Corey's Party Favors — UncaScroogeMcD @ 6:55 am

 

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PHILADELPHIA – I’d rather be hanging at W.C. Fields’ grave.

It’s easy to see why these folks booed Santa Claus. Who knew that Rocky actually glamoured up this city?  It was so damn hot and nasty and it wasn’t even June. Forget crime rates since we got mugged by the weather.

At one point during the visit to the City of Brotherly Love, my posse sought out Pat’s famous Cheese Steaks in South Philly. Can I point out that this has to be the most hell hole neighborhood that I’ve been in? Driving down the main drag, it was hard to contemplate how someone could grow up in such a jungle of asphalt and slammed together row houses. There was no protection from the elements. And with cars parked on both sides of the one way streets, I felt very little protection from running into door handles. Plus 25 year old guys kept zipping around on low rider bicycles. I wanted to skip the steak and escape to I-95 South without causing a body count. It’s like a city that begs to be a disaster zone.

Luckily most of my time was spent way outside the city at a lush private Quaker high school. The kids today have 80s haircuts for those of us who were sensible during those years and didn’t look like extras in an Oingo Boingo video.  The strange part was seeing a kid wearing a Richard Hell t-shirt. Was this kid even born when Richard teamed up with Sonic Youth for the Dim Stars project? I didn’t have time to ask him if he had “Blank Generation” in his iPod cause he was entertaining a young lady on his lap. I guess the t-shirt worked. All I ever got from wearing a Richard Hell t-shirt was scabies.

Since it was reunion weekend at the posh school, I ended up running into George Segal. He was there to celebrate his 55th anniversary along with his wonderful wife, Sonia. The actor, who accidentally appeared in Eyes Wide Shut (there’s a TV showing Blume in Love) and spent quite a few season playing Jack Gallo on Just Shoot Me, seemed like a nice enough guy. I think he was confused that there was a video crew interviewing other people in his class, but not him.  I didn’t want to pester him too much so I didn’t have a chance to say that after watching Jim Carey’s Fun With Dick and Jane that George is still “Dick” in my book.

One night we ate at a quaint restaurant called “White Dog” near that Ivy League Penn place. We had a fun time giving business to the waitress. We informed her that down South, you could never have that name on a restaurant. She didn’t know what “White Dog” meant. Also they had something on the menu called “St. Peter’s Fish.” We informed the waitress that since St. Peter was a “Fisher of men” this entree was in fact Human meat! Oh the funny things you can say when you’re out of towners.

After spending time in South Philly, I can understand why Santa gets booed in that town – because he didn’t take them away in his sleigh to escape the steaming hell hole that surrounds them.  Maybe it’s not that bad. But I’m not going back anytime soon for a second chance.

DINE OUT

The one amazing thing about being in the Tri-State area is eating at real diners and not corporate sit downs. We ended up at the Golden Eagle in Bristol. These people covered the plate. Even breakfast required a doggy bag.

THE BUSINESS OF THE FAMILY

If you listen really carefully, you’ll hear the a new season of Family Business is running on Showtime.  It’s the fourth go around for Seymore Butts, Cousin Stevie, and the gang, but for some odd reason Showtime isn’t promoting the living daylights out of one of their crown jewels.  HBO always plugs an upcoming season like mad. Plus they rerun all the old episodes to juice up the audience for the new shows. But none of that happened for Family Business. I caught like one promo at an odd hour. Thank goodness I have Showtime OnDemand since they put them on at such odd hours. Family Business is in my Top 10 Shows on TV.

The first thing going around the internet that was instead of the normal 10 episodes, Family Business was going to get clipped down to 8. But can you really trust things written on the internet? I get to write on the world wide web so who knows who else is typing away. So I wrote the only man who could give me a real answer – and has his email on the web: Seymore (Adam). He responded by writing “there will be 10 episodes this season… to make 40 total in the series.” So don’t stop recording the show after the 8th episode.

I also asked if he knew he was having a “crossover” reality pay channel moment when he had Isabella Soprano “working” on his show. It was an after hours delight to get a visit from the star of HBO’s Cathouse series. Adam typed that he “had no idea about isabella but i think i’m shooting her again soon.”

So there you go kids, Isabella Soprano “America’s Sweet Whore” might be in another Seymore Butts epic. Hopefully this time she’ll agree to push her talents to appeal to Seymore’s hardcore fans.

So far this season has been a strange one in that we see that Seymore is growing comfortable with his life. His new house is a lush sanctuary from those sterile Hollywood Hills joints. He’s got a woman that doesn’t want to fool around with others… off camera. His son is growing up and asking those adult questions. I enjoy seeing the juggling act between porn god and family man. And what’s even weirder is finally seeing his son’s mom, who in the early seasons couldn’t even be mentioned by name. Turns out she’s getting back into the adult business so I guess she doesn’t mind the attention now.

For those thinking that maybe the subject matter of Family Business makes the suits at Showtime a little queasy (a man balancing raising his son while make hardcore videos), make note that their prize series Weeds is about a mother balancing raising a family and selling pot. Showtime will go into overdrive to pimp Mary Louise Parker’s new adventures on the channel. It’s a shame they don’t have a crossover episode of Family Business with Mary Louise Parker.

So catch the final episodes of this season’s Family Business and if you somehow missed the first few episodes, find a friend with Tivo, taste and a DVD-R.

MY NEW SHOW

When is Fox going to sign me up to be a judge on So You Think You Can Lapdance?

WHERE THE HELL IS CHELSEA?

I do like the Chelsea Handler Show. I’m kinda happy she’s on E! cause this show would get butchered on the WB. She has such a joy to her blunt humor. She’s like Sarah Silverman without the Jimmy Kimmel baggage. I’ve stopped thinking about Sarah while masturbating because it’s hard not to think of Jimmy hiding in the closet. Just not worth the effort. Thank goodness Chelsea hasn’t hitched her wagon to the Kimmel beast. And she has a book out, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands. I’m wondering if I’m in the book since it seems to have been written during my “hazy years?”

She would be my dream panelist on the new Match Game. She’s our new Brett Somers. But where is the second coming of Charles Nelson Riley?

DOLLS UP

I’m in bliss with Fox’s 2-DVD Cinema Classic Collection of Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. A few years back some punk was whining that Criterion should put this title out, and I responded, “What could Criterion do for the movie that Fox couldn’t if it’s passionate about the film?” Well, there’s a lot of love spread over these two DVDs. The first disc has the movie, and it glistens. Russ Meyer’s got some nice flesh in this film about a Josie and the Pussycats with a libido. The audio is great. I’m eager to borrow a pal’s video projector so we can watch this mega-size. The second DVD is filled with new documentaries about the making of the film. Everyone has a great story about how Russ loved large breasts. Plus there’s a trailer that features Russ taking the poster photo of all the gals on a round bed.

They have gone beyond the beyond to make this the best DVD you’ll buy this month. Now I have to go watch the wisdom of the Z Man. Cause it’s my happening and it’s freaking me out!

OPRAH QUESTION

Recently, Oprah had this TV special where she paid tribute to legends that inspired her. She gave each legend diamond earrings on air. Which is a sweet present, but here’s my question: Did these women have to pay the same taxes that the guests who received the “free cars” were nailed by? Did the legends have to cough up several thousand dollars before they could walk off with their jewels?

Or does Oprah have a different set of standards. She’ll pay the tax for her friends, but total strangers that she uses for freebie publicity are fair game for Uncle Sam.

And if it’s so untrue that Oprah never threw Tommy Hilfiger off her show, why in the near decade since that rumor spread has she never invited him to be a guest? Will he not kiss her ring like the head of Hermes? If she doesn’t have a problem with Tommy, why is he banned from Harpo studios?

ANGEL COIF

Have you noticed that Criss Angel on Mindfreak has changed his hair so instead of looking like a roadie for Extreme, he’s now wearing a Nikki Sixx do from the Motley Crue reunion? I’m liking the new tricks. But I still want him to make my parking tickets disappear.

SAY IT IN FRENCH

While I’m not willing to go into details, Big Momma’s House 2 shouldn’t be watched in English. After about 30 minutes of enduring a film that tried way too hard to heat marketing beats, I swapped the audio track over to French and somehow the film became a work of comic genius. As Martin Lawrence goofed around as a fat old woman, the movie improved. It seemed like a Francis Weber flick from the 80s. It all made sense in French – the small child that had to jump off stuff, the young daughter’s cheerleading squad that goes from chaos to Bring It On, and the older daughter learning how to open up. None of this made any sense in English. But all of this and the stupid plot about tracking down a computer program was crystal clear with the illusion that Martin Lawrence is the hottest comic talent in Paris.

The strangest thing is that after watching Big Momma’s House in French, my first reaction is Disney can remake this with Eddie Murphy if they can straighten out all the French kinks.

And what is up with the recent spate off black men dressing up as overweight old black women? Between this and that Madea’s Family Reunion with Tyler Perry – or is it Tyler Perry’s Medea’s Family Reunion? – when are we going to have a crossover movie with a zombie dressed up as a fat old black woman?

SNAP TO IT

Why is Kate Moss pimping cameras on TV? Am I wrong in thinking that if it wasn’t for a sleek camera, she wouldn’t have had all her problems? No camera means no tabloid cover showing her sniffing a thick line of coke off the CD jewel case. And she wouldn’t have lost millions when she got dumped on various campaigns.

What’s next? Paris Hilton pushing a night vision video camera? Robert Blake hawking Olive Garden? O.J. Simpson doing Ford Bronco jokes on Pay-Per-View? Oh wait, that’s already happened. Remember when people had shame?  When someone would commit  a felony and after paying for their crime, they’d move to an island in the Pacific and build a new life?

SUMMER HIT?

Will there be a real song (or even songs) of the Summer of 2006? Will there be a record released in the next three months?

WHEN BOOBIES RULED THE CINEMA

Thanks to Brett Meisner (The Rock N’ Roll Bad Boy), I found myself watching a trio of flicks from Crown International. They were third on the indie releasing circuit in the 70s behind AIP and Roger Corman’s New World. And while none of these films (The Van, Malibu Beach and My Tutor) would win an Oscar, they reminded me of what’s missing from the cinema of today – barely motivated nudity. When was the last time you saw a film and said, “Damn! That was a lot of boobies on the screen!” The only film I know of that has made me say that was Hostel. But even with all the lovely topless action – we then had to watch a lot of gore.

I wonder what has reduced the level of breasts in America cinema. Have the folks in Hollywood become a pack of prudes? Or do they know that if we want to see nudity, we’d rather rent a porn video? 

Private Resort comes out on DVD and not only does it have a lot of Mam-action, we also get to see Johnny Depp and Rob Morrow’s asses from 20 years ago. I’m not into guy’s asses, but Depp does give everyone a good look. It’s the perfect gift for anyone who wants to see the pirate’s booty. And for the guys, there’s lots of breasts to fill in the plot holes. It’s the perfect date film.

Of the three Crown films – My Tutor was the best, and it was made by George Bowers – who directed Private Resort. He’s now an editor slicing away on the remake of Walking Tall and From Hell. What a strange career. I guess once the boobies went away, directing wasn’t that fun for George.

HOCKEY MOVES

When the NHL got their contract with OLN for their games, I thought they’d screwed themselves. What’s the point of not being on ESPN or Fox? Well the point is that OLN actually cares about carrying the games. They didn’t treat hockey as an obligation to carry. And while it’s not lucrative, it at least allows the NHL to grow its fan base without having to match the ratings of NFL games or the Poker World Series. Plus it’s nice that OLN ran Youngblood 15 times in a week. That movie’s soundtrack was the first cutout CD I ever found at a Camelot Music mall shop.

The local Suncoast shut down at the mall so our indoor shopping mecca doesn’t contain a record or video store. Where can a kid go to pay suggested retail price on a record?

BREAK’N

Why exactly does everything on TV take a commercial break at the same time? I’m trying to bounce between a network show and sports games and they’re both running ads. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

THAT MARLO

The first season of That Girl is out and I’m in bliss. It’s been a while since I’ve heard Marlo Thomas whine “Donald!” Also didn’t hurt that the folks at Shout! Factory priced it so I could nab it cheap. The weird thing was seeing the original opening that doesn’t have the theme song sung, the kite or the winking mannequin. The things you learn when you’re enjoying a guilty pleasure.

Also, the complete collection of The Bugaloos show reminds me of back when Saturday morning fun was made by people who were doing lots of drugs and not merely reading dictates from marketing. I’ve got a crush on Joy Bugaloo now. Something about an English waif with wings and antenna.

Widge Goes Off: #1 – When Titans Concede!

Filed under: Widge Goes Off — widge @ 5:15 am
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widgepic.jpgHiya, folks. That’s right, I’m back. If you’re here for the Podcast, look for the thing that says DOWNLOAD.

[CONTENT WARNING] This podcast contains foul language. You must be this tall to listen.

DOWNLOAD: mp3 Format (40.6 MBs)

Ah, there it was. Predicatability.

Now, because I’m a glutton for punishment, here’s a little something called Monday Morning Box Office Quarterback, where we can look back at the weekend that was and marvel at the shenanigans that go on. Follow along at Box Office Mojo, which you should be looking at anyway.

Click takes the #1 spot, which should surprise no one at all. Sandler can still deliver butts in seats. $40M worth of butts in seats is a bit of a surprise, however, and he should be happy as hell about that. Sony should be pleased as hell about that, since they’ve already scored half the production budget and regardless, Sandler movies have long shelf life on DVD.

Cars still comes in at #2, and I’m still baffled why people are surprised this isn’t performing to Nemo standards. It’s about racing, for God’s sake. I know that’s huge in some parts of the country, but it’s probably easier to compare to Incredibles, which was also based on a niche idea: namely, the knights of the spandex. Cars should continue to perform reasonably well and will do well in DVD. Case closed.

Nacho Libre drops a given 57% (standard is 50% to 60%) and has maybe one or two weeks left in lots of cinemas before it fades away to a quick DVD release. If Paramount was smart, they knew this, but that’s a big If. Jack Blacks also has huge DVD shelf life, so they’ll be fine. What will be interesting to see is how this plays outside the States.

Waist Deep, the Tyrese Gibson-starring, Vondie Curtis-Hall helmed crime thriller, comes in at #4 and actually performed really damn well. Whereas Click was doing $10K a screen, this did $9K. And opened in a third of Sandler’s cinemas. So rock on with their bad selves.

Tokyo Drift astounded people not by coming in at #5 but by simply being made in the first place. Expect the fourth installment of the franchise to go direct to video. Somebody call Casper Van Dien. He’s a hella nice guy and we should keep him working.

The Lake House continues to underperform, teaching Keanu the lesson he should have learned with Sweet November, but here it’s facing up to the fact that Somewhere in Time has already been made and is readily available for rental.

Speaking of rental, The Break-Up‘s DVD sales will be nothing but gravy, as they’ve topped their production budget and showing that sometimes people just want a romantic comedy. I’m personally very happy that Jennifer Aniston will be known as having a career and not just “That chick Brad Pitt dumped.” You might think that’s harsh, but that’s the only reason GQ named her Woman of the Year which is pretty freaking sad. But, the pics were hot. So on the other hand, I’m not too torn up about it. Garfield 2 gives Bill Murray a paycheck. And because of that, we can’t be too terribly hard on it.

Last but least we get X3 and DaVinci Code. Code has gotten its ass kicked in the final round by X3, which is kinda sad considering the whole lead-up. People probably heard the reviews that said, “It’s just like the book!” Knowing that the book was dog crap, they figured they’d wait for DVD. Now, they’re happy it’ll probably end up with 3/4 of a billion worldwide, but that’s about it. X3 is still an underperformer, but it’s done enough to guarantee a fourth movie. They’d be smarter sending Magneto direct to video, and maybe doing Wolverine as a lead-in to X4, which, despite all the hemming and hawing, will happen. God knows what the team will look like but whatever it is, it’s got to be better than anything Marvel’s printing right now, and that makes all the difference.

So that’s your box office report. Check out Box Office Mojo for all your box office comparisons and bitch session ammo needs. Join us next time where we can talk about how badly Superman Returns underperformed at the box office. That’s one prognostication I will stick my hat on.

Special thanks to Exit Mindbomb for letting me use “Godzilla Will Rule You” from their album Happy Accident for my new WGO music. Check them out on MySpace here and I tried to link up as many songs as I could here.

Widgett Walls is the chief cook and bottle washer for Needcoffee.com. He’s also the author of Mystics on the Road to Vanishing Point and Magnificent Desolation. His personal blog is at OneTusk.com. He lives and works in Atlanta, Georgia. He hardly ever sleeps.

Spook’d #83: Amazing Finish

Filed under: Spook'd — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:14 am

by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee

Larger sized comic

Spook'd #83: Amazing Finish

To see Spook’d host Alastor’s blogging silliness and more fun Spook’d stuff,visit the Spook’d Web site!

Check out the preview to…

E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | SPOOK’D BLOG | SPOOK’D FORUM | ARCHIVES

Disclaimer: All material in Spook’d is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.

Interview: Tim Nett of Trailer Park and Producer of The Hollywood Reporter’s Key Art Awards

Filed under: Interviews — admin @ 5:13 am

-By Christopher Stipp; E-Mail: Christopher_Stipp@Yahoo.com; Archives? Right here…

I never, ever mean to go longer than what’s given to me.

I was given 20 minutes and I went exactly 35:46. It was hard to do because I was graciously given access to one of the largest trailer houses in all of Hollywood and the man who leads it, Tim Nett of Trailer Park.

When you think of great interviews in entertainment most people would lean probably lean towards directors of films or the actors in them. Sure, these are the kinds of individuals that bring immediacy to the material but my own inclination and interest is in that which has been my mainstay for the past two and a half years around these parts. It’s the two and a half minutes of tightly packed sizzle that aims to part you with your cash. Willingly.

And, really, that’s the magic. This is where the really good are praised in silence for developing creative ways to sell it and where the bad are recognized by their peers for going through the motions. You’ve either got the desire to be fresh or you’ve got some malaise that not even a thick voiceover or a quick cut can help.

This is where Tim steps in. At the head of a 300 person organization and one of the producers of the Hollywood Reporter’s Key Art Awards, a show that has been running for 35 years in praising the best in filmic advertising that ranges from trailers to lobby standees, which was held in Los Angeles at the Kodak Theater two weeks ago. As a person who was asked to be an official judge in this year’s 35 Years in Trailers competition I leapt at the opportunity to find out what really goes into this process of making a good trailer. Is there really a science to it? Is it as easy as just dropping in a few scenes, pop in some graphics and then spend some money on a guy to come in and voiceover it for you? I really wanted to know and acquired the answers I sought after.

You never quite know when you’re asked to talk to the CEO of a company with this much pull. It could’ve gone the way of a The McLaughlin Group round table with answers being about as politically correct as a publicist who really thinks that Shasta McNasty is so going to be the next best thing in television history. It was my pleasure to find Tim just sounded like a guy who still loves what a good trailer can do, what a good poster can prompt you to say, just a guy who you can see has to run a business, and be profitable, but who can still tell you about the people whose trailer work he still loves to watch.

I’ll always be a fan of trailers just knowing there are guys like Tim behind the wheel of quality control.


QUICK STOP: Congratulations, first of all on all of Trailer Park’s nominations at the Hollywood Reporter’s Key Art Awards.

TIM NETT: Well, thanks.

We just cleaned up at the Golden Trailers. We won a total of four, including Best of Show.

KP: Really? I have a friend who worked at Interlink, he was the one who cut the BATMAN BEGINS trailer.

NETT: What’s his name?

[Classified. Ed. Note: Sorry, it’s the nature of the beast. More on this later.]

NETT: Yeah”¦

KP: And he told me, sent me a note last weekend about why I didn’t have any coverage for The Golden Trailer award show”¦

NETT: Yeah, as soon as I said it I was thinking, “Oh, I need to talk about the Key Art Awards.” So we’re not even supposed to be talking about the other one.

(Laughs)

Just forget I even mentioned it; the competing awards show”¦

KP: Well, at least tell me what you won for.

NETT: The MISSION IMPOSSIBLE III trailer.

KP: Loved that one.

NETT: Which got, I think, Action/Summer Blockbuster and Best of Show and then we got one for the EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE.

KP: I liked that one because of two things: 1) It was a little creepy and 2) It didn’t give away too much. Which I am finding is rarer and rarer these days.

NETT: Yeah, it is. I mean you know why it goes that way, right?

KP: Well, on that point, when I was researching you I found an interview you did with CNN and you mentioned that focus groups, the customers, who are the ones demanding, “We want more of the story. We want more of the story.”

NETT: They do! And that’s the thing about testing.

KP: Well, where are they testing these things?

NETT: Malls.

KP: Ahh”¦

NETT: Yeah, The National Research Group sets up, and I’ve never seen one, but my understanding is that they have this little room in the mall, be it an empty storefront or what have you, and they’ll have a couple of VCRs and monitors set up and then they’ll ask them questions about it.

And the questions are like, “Do you want to see this movie? What was most interesting about it?” They’ll go through and ask them what scenes they remember or what scenes had the greatest impact on them. So, there’s a part of it that’s qualitative and a part that’s quantitative.

The quantitative part is, “How many people mentioned each particular scene?” The number of scene mentions. The more scenes that are mentioned then, obviously, the greater the impact.

And the qualitative stuff that goes, “Well, they were confused by the story.” Or whatever their issue was with it.

The other piece to this is the focus groups where you stand behind a two-way mirror”¦(Laughs)”¦No, they actually have places in the Midwest and we’ll essentially sit in a room and just watch it on TV. They’ll close-circuit it.

KP: Really?

NETT: Yeah, and the thing is that focus groups are really useful for me, the focus group is way more instructional because they tell you what the deal is. You don’t have to interpret it from the data. You also get the more subtle shades of things from people when they’re talking about it rather than having to derive it from the numbers.

But you need both. A focus group is only ten people as opposed to testing which is thousands of people.

KP: Well, have you cut that portion out completely and simply go back to the studio to get their thoughts?

NETT: The thing of it is, this is not science. If we look at it and we think it looks cool, and it all depends on the movie and the studio, and the personality of the person working at the studio. Studios are more prone to going “Ah, screw it” regardless of what the testing says. The testing sometimes just helps to validate their hunches. They’re sort of mixed bag and everything in between; a little bit of data and a little bit of gut.

KP: Like you said to CNN there really doesn’t seem to be a formula for figuring these things out. You want things people will remember, you want that “Oh, cool!” factor but there seems to be a shift where even if these things are present a bad reception, ultimately, at the box office sometimes gets blamed on the advertising. Do you think that’s unfair of the studios or”¦

NETT: What I will say is that it’s sort of the cliché in the business: if it succeeds it’s the film if it fails it’s the marketing. That’s sort of the cliché.

And it’s sort of within the marketing community”¦there are some movies that you go, “Oh, we should’ve been able to open that one,” “We should’ve been able to figure that one out.”

So sometimes you do feel like you didn’t quite come up with the right package. And, frankly”¦some movies are easier to package than others.

(Laughs)

There are movies that are readily apparent how to put them together and others that take a little while to figure out what the right thing is. And it’s right there in the movie; you’re just trying to figure out what portion of that movie you’re looking to highlight.

KP: I’m thinking of movies that have turned out to be real turkeys but which had real solid trailers. Movies you thought were going to be nothing but balls-to-the-wall action. One movie I’m thinking of is DAY AFTER TOMORROW. Which sold me but left me feeling scammed after I paid for it.

NETT: You’re welcome. That was one of ours.

(I laugh)

KP: Yes! It was an absolutely brilliant trailer. The trailer may have sold me on something that wasn’t eventually there but someone took a movie that was so-so and made a trailer that led me to believe this was going to be an intense, intense flick. And, I would say, that’s the hallmark of a great marketing campaign.

NETT: And that’s the thing. There are some movies”¦that movie had some real science behind it, was easy to grasp and had a sensationalist premise. You just had to frame it and that’s what’s great about big movie movies like that.

But then”¦let’s see”¦you get a movie like THE BREAK-UP.

KP: Yeah”¦

NETT: Which we didn’t do but I just know that was incredibly difficult to do. It’s like, “What part do you grab onto?” It’s a story about interpersonal relationships and it’s not like there’s some big thing”¦I mean they break up”¦but it’s not exactly provocative. I am sure there was a struggle.

KP: I liked that one. I think they did as well as they could for the kind of pressure they were no doubt under.

NETT: Every one is custom. Every movie is different. Everyone has got their own little thing.

KP: Do you ever get instructions on what to do? Or are these things farmed out to, like, five different people and it’s just whoever comes up with the best one gets the nod?

NETT: More or less. And the studio will all have varying levels of involvement in it. Typically, it’s expensive to do this but they also don’t want, let’s say, five people turning in the very same thing. So, they’ll be, “You guys do the romantic angle, you guys do the action angle, you do the guys angle”¦”

And the thing is that they’ll play to the strengths of the trailer houses and teams that the trailer houses have. For instance, we have a lot of people here and we have a team that are experts at horror and another team that is good at chick flicks”¦

KP: And this raises a point I’ve thought about for a while”¦everyone says they love going to movies for the trailers but, I think, no one has a real grasp on the process of making and actually doing this. How did you think that creating your own company to do this was a good idea?

NETT: Well, the way I started was that I worked at another one of the houses and the thing that I wanted to be was a feature editor. But I got into it, it was cool, and ended up being a copywriter. I was a freelance copywriter and people started hiring me to do produce trailers and, next thing you know, I was hiring people. I just decided to have it to make a company.

KP: How many employees?

NETT: 300. And we merged with another company [Creative Domain]. So, that accelerated things quite a bit.

KP: And what is Creative Domain bringing to the table?

NETT: Well, we’re primarily a theatrical company. We do the first run theatrical movies, primarily, and that means print, the one sheets and stuff, and trailers. And then, what Creative Domain did, was the other parts of it like web sites and they did DVD campaigns, packaging, menu design, authoring, everything; they basically make the DVD. And we had a little, tiny video game division and they have a pretty well-established video game division.

So, it ended up being real nice. A real front to back package. And we also filled in the gaps of what we didn’t have like the EPK.

QS: So, explain to me, one of your nominations at the Key Art Awards was Special Recognition Audio/Visual. What does that mean?

NETT: Oh, the reason they did that was because trailers are regulated. They have to be 2 ½ minutes long. And with TV they’re :30’s or :60’s, whatever. And once a year every studio can have one trailer that can go long. So it wasn’t really fair for the other trailers that were 2 ½ minutes having to go up against ones that were 4 minutes. You just have more time to tell the story, develop it, be more subtle, whatever, so this category is for those things which are odd lengths.

KP: And you’re nominated for the WALK THE LINE trailer?

NETT: The internet one.

KP: Oh, so you didn’t do the theatrical one?

NETT: No, and it’s funny because I don’t know who did that one. For that campaign we did the internet trailer and most of the TV.

KP: Any of the print?

NETT: No, but the print was GREAT wasn’t it?

KP: Goodness.

 

NETT: So good. I will tell you that the guy over there at Fox, Tony Sella, president of marketing, he came from a print background. He just has very good taste. He’s the one that was also in charge of the people who did that beautiful stuff for X-MEN. The pictures that were just beautiful photography.

KP: Yeah”¦I mean that’s the kind of thing that people will respond to. It seems that a lot of the studios are fine with the “floating head” syndrome-type media.

NETT: I know. I know. The reasons why a lot of the stuff looks the same at the end of the day is that these things have work to do. It’s not like product advertising where, like, we all know what Doritos are. We don’t need them to explain it to us. Now it’s just about making Doritos look fun, cool or whatever.

We have to go “What’s the movie about?” “Who’s in the movie?” “Is it really exciting or really funny?” and get those emotional points across while getting it all done within a time constraint and so you really need to get on it. Make sure that you’re concentrating your message.

KP: Right.

NETT: And that’s why a lot of people say that they all end up looking the same. They all have to do the same work, the same functions. But that’s why the WALK THE LINE was different, though. There was a regular trailer that did all that work so ours could be a little more artistic and didn’t need to fill all those perfunctory functions.

QS: And I would agree. I would say for a large percentage of the trailers out there the common person will just watch them and not think anything of them. The ones that do a little more, stay with you a little longer. Do you find more fulfillment when you get a little looser, artistically, than if you had marching orders to produce something vanilla for the studio?

NETT: Well, I’ll tell you, I went to Cannes one year and they have a trailer competition at the film festival and I was a judge in the competition. And it was completely different. The way they do things in the rest of the world, mostly in Europe, cinema is an art form more than a business for them; they view it more that way. So the trailers are more artistic and they’re more about the feel and the mood. The American trailers have a narrator walking you through the entire story. That was the first time it was so glaring to me, the difference, between the way we do it. But I think American audiences are unique in the way they want to know what’s it all about. That’s why we end up doing it that way.

If you’re in a business and you’re trying to make money you’re going to do it so that it becomes the most successful product it can be and that’s the mandate for a lot of the American companies whereas the mandate for a lot of the other say French companies, is that they view it as an art form; if they make money, great.

Look, there is a lot of great French commercial stuff but, overall”¦

I mean we would love to do nothing but cool, groovy, esoteric trailers but it’s a balance. We’re always trying to push it a little more but that’s what you want. Sometimes they’ll let us go and sometimes they’ll pull us back a little bit.

KP: How long from thought germ to when it’s all done and out of your hands?

NETT: It’s long. Just depends on the movie.

What happens is, and the business has changed so much, and I’m thinking of how to say this properly, it used to be that you used to get a full feature. A rough assembly of the feature, most of the time. Now, most of the time you start working off of dailies. So, they’re starting the shoot and we start cutting. Most of the time.

KP: Really?

NETT: A couple of reasons for that. One of them being is that we can start to do our work earlier and work on it a little more and the other being that we don’t have a movie so there isn’t anything for anyone to pirate.

Everyone is very sensitive to the pirate issue. I mean you could have a whole collection of daily scenes but it’s not a movie.

Another thing is that the turnaround is faster. I think they can do it faster and I think they do do it faster. And I think it’s because of technology and so you can crank through post-production faster than you used to be able to.

I can’t remember what it was like with MUNICH but it was record time.

KP: I remember reading he was shooting in the early part of the year and the studio had already set the date.

NETT: I know”¦ it’s crazy that they were able to get it out in that time. One of the reasons in general is that the studios have made the investment and they want to recoup that investment so the longer it sits out there the longer the time usage of money. They would just as well as get it out there as soon as possible so it really does accelerate the end part of the process. And because they’ve been able to close that window we’ve needed to start sooner which I think is another reason we start on dailies.

KP: Well, how do you get the vibe of the movie before you even know what’s coming?

NETT: You read the script and then you talk with them about it but we’ll assemble the movie. It may not be the way they do it but we assemble it, sort of put it together. I wouldn’t call it anything more than an assembly because it really is Scene 24, Scene 25, etc… and it’s just to get a feel for it.

But we were putting KINGDOM OF HEAVEN together and, oh my God, you have no idea how many dailies that was. It was a mountain”¦of dailies.

KP: This award show, your nominations, do they say anything about the work you do?

NETT: Well, the Key Art Awards, I am one of the producers of the show, differs from something like the Golden Trailer awards. There the awards go towards trailers that are interesting and different as opposed to the Key Art Awards which is a bunch of marketing people who understand exactly what you’re trying to accomplish and how well you’re doing it by that measure. So “Is it doing the work” “Is it reaching the right audience?” “Is it positioning the movie properly?” you have to have more focused criteria.

Getting an award from the Key Art Awards is a little more like, “The people who understand what I’m doing gave me this award.” I think it has a little more impact because of that.

I think it is an art form because you have pressures in terms of what needs to be in there and then having someone ask themselves how they can do it artistically when it’s done right.

I’ve got to tell you, there are very few people who do this job well. It’s a very specialized little area of expertise.

KP: And how come, like MTV does all the time now, trailers aren’t branded with the trailer house or trailer creator’s name? Kind of like a director’s credit.

NETT: Yeah, well, we’re the guys behind the curtain. We’re not forefront.

I always wish there could be something, too, like some kind of esoteric symbol, where we could know who made what. It would be great if there could be something where I could give someone their props when they do great work.

QS: Exactly! I mean the guy who did the BATMAN BEGINS trailer I know some of the other things he does and I like knowing because he’s like a rock star in a way; I like being able to follow someone’s particular style and watch how they handle different material.

NETT: The funny thing is that when you work in the business”¦you know. Like, I know who’s done most of the stuff. Even if I don’t know the editor I at least know the company. Most of the time. Just because we all know who’s working on what. Just part and parcel from working in the business.

KP: Is there particular styles certain people have?

NETT: Yes, definitelty. Oh yeah. One company that has one of the most pronounced styles is this place called Skip Film. Skip was the guy who did the GONE IN 60 SECONDS trailer, the MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE II trailer. He’s just a very interesting editor who just incorporates a lot of graphics and special effects into his editorial work. He’s really good at just making something just visually interesting. He’s a very visual guy. So, he’s got a style.

People do evolve and develop certain styles and, as a big company, we try not to have a certain style and we want to have the ability to emulate all sorts of different styles but we have one guy who does horror trailers and you can usually pick out his trailers.

KP: I would love to be able and follow someone as they evolve as an artist in this medium.

NETT: And that’s the thing. There are some great practitioners and it’s usually the same cast of characters. Like this guy, Bill Neal, and he works with a guy named Scott Bramlett, they’re an editor/producer team. They did TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and they did EMILY ROSE and they did DAWN OF THE DEAD.

KP: I dug that one completely. Got one of my top picks for 2004.

NETT: Really? The thing is, he is so good. Even as a kid he was a huge horror fan but he never cut horror trailers. He never worked at a place that did horror. And, I don’t remember what it was, but we got him a horror trailer and this is what this guy loves. He’s into it. He understands what makes good horror. It was like all the planets aligned and he just exploded.

KP: I’m telling you, fantastic trailer.

NETT: And the thing that I love about what Bill and Scott do”¦at the end of the day the trailer needs to feel like you got something from it. Like there was enough substance to it. There’s enough “There!” there. And that’s the thing with those that just have a lot of razzle dazzle is that it just doesn’t feel like there’s a lot of substance to it. Then a lot times when you get the trailers that have a lot of exposition it just feels like there’s too much substance.

What Bill and Scott do, what they’re really good at, is that they don’t make you feel like you’re getting spoon-fed.

[With DAWN] you pretty much get it, you understand the premise”¦just the whole way was a really entertaining, creepy, journey.

KP: Makes it an experience.

NETT: Exactly.

KP: Those hands that are scratching at the screen at the end”¦that’s the kind of thing that stays with you.

NETT: (Laughs)

Yeah, we shot that. A little added bonus.

KP: I mean eff all the people who think these things are all the same. The guys who are really hardcore and want to try something different those are the people who you want to keep track of.

NETT: There’s my business partner, Benedict Coulter. He has been doing this for a very long time at the highest level. I think he started editing TV spots on STAR WARS. The stuff he produces is always very cool. He works a lot with an editor named Nick Temple who is amazing. He’s the one who did the MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE teaser, the WALK THE LINE piece, did the MUNICH trailer.

Having been in this business a long time, the thing that I appreciate most about what he does is he understands when to take the time. When to go and be like shredding and then when to stop. And he’s not afraid to stop and let everything die down and have a pause. And Bill does that too. That’s what separates the great guys from the good guys. It’s understanding pacing.

A good trailer, if you’ve done it well, is like a piece of music. You just go along for the ride. And it’s really fun and cool.

KP: Thank you for your time, sir.

E-Mail the author at: Christopher_Stipp@Yahoo.com

June 23, 2006

Quickcast Commentary: The Venture Bros.

Filed under: Articles,Quickcast Commentaries — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:06 pm

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If you’ve purchased your copy of the complete first season of [adult swim]’s The Venture Bros. on DVD (and if not, what are you waiting for?), you’re aware that only about half the episodes have audio commentary from the two guys behind the show, Astrobase Go‘s own Jackson Publick and Doc Hammer.

As a special gift to you, our Quick Stop readers, Jackson & Doc have sent over a “lost” audio commentary that didn’t make it on to the set, for episode 1×03 ““ “Home Insecurity”. The commentary was dropped for space issues on the set, as well as a minor technical glitch in the sound.

We’ve done our best to clean things up, because (as anyone who’s heard the commentaries that did make it on to the set will attest) those Astrobase Go guys are hi-larious. I mean, they’re incredibly f***ing funny, particularly in this track (in which you’ll hear a multitude of formative childhood traumas revealed).

All you have to do is download the mp3 below, load up your copy of “Home Insecurity,” and you’ve got your very own Venture Bros. Quickcast commentary… And don’t forget to catch the premiere of Season 2 this Sunday at 10:30pm on [adult swim]…

DOWNLOAD:
“Venture Bros. Lost Commentary – 1×03 – Home Insecurity”
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Scrubs Blog: Week 28 ““ Hellos & Goodbyes

Filed under: Production Blogs,Scrubs Blog — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:59 am

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Before we get to this week’s entry, let me mention that you should be sure to check back each week for more Scrubs goodies, even during the summer hiatus”¦

VIDEO BLOG #55: “My Goodbyes” ““
The cast and crew bid a fond farewell and show their appreciation of all the fan support on Season 5’s last day of shooting.

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Download/Watch Scrubs Video Blog #55:

  • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 56.41 MB)
  • Small (320 x 240 – QuickTime – 24.43 MB)


    Weekend Shopping Guide 6/23/06: Push the Button, Frank

    Filed under: Shopping Guides — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:40 am

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    The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

    It’s been a few weeks of backed-up reviews as we prepped for the launch of Quick Stop, so this edition of our weekly shopping guide is going to be a somewhat massive affair, as we catch up. Trust me – future installments, while jam-packed, won’t be nearly as huge. But enough jibber-jabber – let’s get this show on the road…

    If pressed to name only one show as my absolute, bar none, unequivocal favorite sitcom of all time, it would have to be NewsRadio. Across a too-short 5 season run, I can’t name a single bad episode, and even those that fell below the high bar it set for itself still outstripped other shows. The penultimate fourth season (Sony, Not Rated, DVD-$39.95 SRP) cranks up the already surreal nature of the comedy, including Jimmy James’s fake balloon trip (and the bad English to Japanese to English translation of his memoirs, Super Karate Monkey Death Car), Lisa becoming the new boss, Joe’s fighting brothers, Bill’s chaw phase, Dave’s a cappella group (Chock Full of Notes), Matthew’s run-in with a coffee pot smashing Hamburglar, and the departure of Catherine. This was also the last season featuring Phil Hartman, as his untimely death occurred during the show’s summer hiatus. In fact, the season ends on a note eerily similar to the poignant John Belushi SNL short film wherein an elderly Belushi recounted the deaths of his fellow castmates and his comparatively long life. The final episode that Phil Hartman filmed was another of the show’s “fantasy” outings, this time positing what it would be like if the staff of WNYX was actually the crew of a seagoing vessel in the early 20th century on a course for disaster, the Titanic. Bookended with Phil “hosting” the episode, the final segment reveals that the entire crew has perished save for Hartman’s Bill MacNeal and Andy Dick’s Matthew. You’ll be missed, Phil, but I can think of no better body of work to act as a tribute to a great performer. Bonus materials include audio commentaries (still too few), another “One Man NewsRadio,” and a gag reel.

    weekendpicks20060623-02.jpgWhile the bulk of the adult swim line-up has failed to fire me with the same thrill I got from when the block first launched all those years ago, there is one show that has proven an exception to my apathy, and established itself as one of the funniest comedies – animated or otherwise – I’ve ever taken a shine to. That show is The Venture Bros. (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP), a brilliant pastiche of pulp, comic book, and adventure clichés, all wrapped up in a beautifully executed premise that owes as much to Doc Savage and Boys Own Adventures as it does to the Hanna-Barbera classic Jonny Quest. If you’ve yet to experience the surreal adventures of brothers Hank & Dean, their father Dr. Venture, and bodyguard Brock Samson, then you’re missing out on one of the good ones. The 2-disc set features all 13 episodes, the original pilot, the Christmas special, audio commentaries (from creator Jackson Publick and co-writer Doc Hammer) on select episodes, deleted scenes, a behind-the-scenes look at the live action VB movie, and more. Don’t forget that the second season premieres on June 25.

    weekendpicks20060623-03.jpgEverybody has a favorite band or musician for which they’ll crusade to all they encounter, encouraging the unenlightened to sample what they feel is true musical genius. It’s even more important when those favorite artists are profoundly underappreciated. For me, that’s Harry Nilsson – an unbelievably gifted singer/songwriter hailed by the Beatles as their “favorite group.” Even if the name is not immediately familiar, a few of his songs have attained legendary status, including “One,” “Coconut,” and his definitive covers of “Without You” and “Everybody’s Talkin’.” All this prelude is to heartily encourage that you pick up a pair of new fully remastered Nilsson albums – Son of Schmilsson and A Little Touch of Schmilsson In The Night (RCA/Legacy, $11.98 SRP each). Trust me on this. Both albums are also loaded with rare bonus tracks, and excellent liner notes from Nilsson fan Curtis Armstrong… Yes, *that* Curtis Armstrong. And while you’re at it, be sure to snag a copy of the perfect primer, Everybody’s Talkin’: The Very Best of Harry Nilsson (RCA/Legacy, $11.98 SRP).

    weekendpicks20060623-04.jpgAdmittedly, a large degree of what drew me in to the first season of Deadwood, when I ran across an episode by chance, was the shock value of what I beheld. Not just the language, mind you, but also the vivid characters in the Old West setting, reinventing a genre in the same way The Sopranos dusted off the mob drama. The second season (HBO, Not Rated, DVD-$99.98 SRP) takes the diminished shock value of any show’s sophomore season and makes it integral to the plotline, as the lawless Black Hills camp begins the anarchic, and ultimately bloody, process of becoming a legitimate town ruled by laws beyond those of will and gun. The 6-disc set features all 12 episodes, plus commentaries, a behind-the-scenes look at the finale, a historical featurette on the real Deadwood, and a photo gallery.

    weekendpicks20060623-05.jpgI’m not recommending Jay Edwards’ fun 60’s beach blanket bingo horror pastiche Stomp! Shout! Scream! (Stomp Shout Scream, LLC, Not Rated, DVD-$21.95 SRP) just because I’m thanked in the credits… though, admittedly, it doesn’t hurt. No, I recommend it because Edwards (a producer on Aqua Teen Hunger Force and a CN alum going back to Space Ghost) has crafted a fun little flick that revels in its schlock-influenced tableau. The disc features commentary, over an hour of behind-the-scenes featurettes, deleted scenes, raw footage, a trailer, and more.

    weekendpicks20060623-06.jpgJust about every aspect of the Walt Disney Company’s history has been examined, but one glaring exception has finally be rectified with Mouse Tracks: The Story of Walt Disney Records (University Press of Mississippi, $25.00 SRP), an exhaustively researched history by Tim Hollis and Greg Ehrbar. From the label’s inception and rocky start in the mid-50’s through a rollercoaster of highs, lows, and classic albums for both kids and adults, it’s a must-have reference.

    weekendpicks20060623-07.jpgWarners’ commitment to releasing some true gems from out of their vaults continues with the second volume of The Bette Davis Collection (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP), featuring Jezebel, What Ever Happened to Baby Jane, Old Acquaintance, Marked Woman, and The Man Who Came To Dinner (as well as the documentary Stardust: The Bette Davis Story). All 5 flicks contain audio commentaries, featurettes, trailers, vintage shorts, and classic cartoons. No one does catalogue like Warners.

    weekendpicks20060623-08.jpgWhile a third DVD release may be inconceivable to some, that’s exactly what the latest 2-disc special edition of The Princess Bride (MGM/UA, Rated PG, DVD-$24.96 SRP) is, but after a trio of tries, they’ve finally gotten it right. Fully remastered and looking pretty damn spiffy, with bonus feature mixing the materials found on the last special edition with a new batch of extras – it’s got an audio commentary with director Rob Reiner, a commentary with writer William Goldman, “As You Wish: The Story of The Princess Bride” documentary, a historical analysis of the Dread Pirate Roberts, Cary Elwes’ home movies, a make-up featurette, “Love Is Like a Storybook Story” featurette, a vintage making-of featurette, and a photo gallery.

    weekendpicks20060623-09.jpgThe man who made “Inconceivable!” such an iconic catchphrase has got a brilliant release of his own worth snagging. Wallace Shawn’s one-man-show The Fever (Shout! Factory, $11.98 SRP) is a tour-de-force, and should be in your CD player. Now.

    weekendpicks20060623-10.jpgJust in time for the big screen outing of 46-year-old high schooler Jeri Blank, fans finally get the 6-disc, complete series set of Strangers With Candy (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$54.99 SRP) that we should have gotten in the first place. In addition to the bonus materials featured in the original individual releases, this new compendium includes additional audio commentaries, deleted scenes, 2 never-before-seen director’s cuts, on-set interviews with the characters, a blooper reel, a slide presentation from Noblet and Jellineck’s tropical “research” trip, and more. Can somebody tell me why this show was cancelled?

    weekendpicks20060623-11.jpgWhile some kids got swept up in the worlds of C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien, I fell head over heels for Lloyd Alexander’s tales from the kingdom of Prydain, focusing mainly on the adventures and maturation of a young pig-keeper named Taran and his kingly destiny. Where the Rings trilogy concerns itself with being an encyclopedia of Middle-Earth, the Prydain Chronicles were exactly the kind of rousing, character-driven adventures that would transport a young reader to another world. The 5 books in the series (The Book of Three, The Black Cauldron, The Castle of Llyr, Taran Wanderer, The High King) and the prequel (The Foundling and Other Tales of Prydain) have been re-released (Henry Holt, $5.99 SRP each), and I can’t praise them highly enough. It’s unfortunate that, to this day, the on big screen adaptation of this series remains Disney’s unfortunate take on The Black Cauldron. It’s high time that was rectified with a proper treatment – but until then, having the books back in print will suffice.

    (more…)

    Addicted To Bad: Paid Up

    Filed under: Addicted to Bad — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:32 am
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    Every other week, Addicted to Bad rummages through Hollywood’s junk drawer, looking for the worst of the worst. This week, Patrick administers his inner child a firm spanking with PAY IT FORWARD, starring Kevin Spacey and Helen Hunt, who really should have known better…

    PayItForwardPosterEveryone remembers the teacher who changed their life. For me, it was Ms. O’Connell, a kind and generous geography teacher who not only taught me the principle exports of Mongolia and Yemen, but also the utter necessity of questioning authority. Her message to us was, “You only accept the rules of this patriarchal, elitist society if you choose to.” She never actually came out and said as much, but you could tell she meant it by her sincere dedication to low-cut tops and her complete unwillingness to wear a bra.

    I understand, however, that many students aren’t lucky enough to have teachers who care enough to inspire their pubescent students through partially exposed cleavage. Although it’s hardly fair to blame the teachers themselves: Without exception, every state legislature in the union regularly declares it more important to supply our schools with items like “books,” “chalk,” and “metal detectors” instead of push-up bras and v-necks. Is it any wonder that our educational system is failing?

    Which means that even fictional teachers like PAY IT FORWARD’s Mr. Simonet (played by Kevin Spacey under six metric tons of latex burn makeup), having no sweater puppies of his own to speak of, must resort to inspiring his students through bribery, otherwise known as “extra credit assignments.” Inevitably, of course, some overachieving snotbag is going to game the system and get 82 million extra credit points, thus throwing the curve for the rest of the class. And now, because Mommy potty trained him too early and his Daddy didn’t hug him enough, little Billy gets to sit out the final and the rest of the class gets a D-.

    Spacey_PIFSimonet’s assignment challenges his students to come up with a plan to change the world and put it into action, which everyone in the class wisely ignores, save snotbag Haley Joel Osment, who presumably has lots of spare time now that he only sees dead people on alternate weekends and holidays. Not ten minutes after the bell, Haley has adopted a friendly homeless heroin addict, played by Jim Caviezel, whose research for his role apparently uncovered lots of addicts who eat bags of Oreos and then don’t brush.

    When Haley’s mom (played by Helen Hunt, looking like she tried to do her hair and makeup in a wind tunnel) catches on to the assignment after she finds all her cookies are gone and one of the addict’s drawings is on the fridge, she is understandably upset. Taking time off from her busy schedule of working at one of those PG-13 strip clubs where the men don’t seem to mind that the women never quite get around to taking off any clothes, she storms down to the school and demands that Mr. Simonet stop encouraging his students to adopt random street people. At the very least, could he advise them to be a little pickier about dental hygiene? The two of them argue furiously, thus assuring us that they will have sex before the third act, in accordance with internationally recognized Movie Law.

    Haley’s first attempt at extra credit foiled, he decides that the best way to ensure his grade is to get his teacher laid, possibly the best way to assure an A ever devised. Or maybe he just saw the previous scene’s fight and realized that it was pointless to resist the inevitable. Either way, he schemes like a “Scooby-Doo” villain to get the pair together, even going so far as to pull the old “fake apology note from the other person” gag from that episode where Fred and Daphne got in an argument and weren’t speaking. Lo and behold, the plan works even on non-cartoons, and the two go at it like horny badgers. Pretty soon, Haley’s sure-fire, albeit creepy, way to get A’s (AKA “Hooking Teachers Up With Your Mom”), which he codenames “Pay It Forward,” spreads through schools like wildfire. Teachers are getting laid right and left. Grade point averages are at historic highs. Wars end, tax revenues skyrocket from all the birth control and “gold star” sticker sales, and the world enters a new renaissance. Who knew?

    Osment_JumpUnfortunately, though, Haley’s not around to enjoy it all, because he was fatally wounded in a knife fight. Whoops! Apparently the filmmakers wanted to remind the audience that helping your mom score has a downside. Not since Bobby walked out of the shower on “Dallas” has Hollywood tried so hard to harsh the audience’s buzz. I’m surprised more films haven’t borrowed the technique:

    BATMAN: Whew. Sure was tough beating the Joker. Guess I’ll go get a burger. [Gets hit by a bus.]

    I predict that by 2010, all movies will end this way. Just you watch.

    So, two hours later, where are we? Haley’s dead, and his mom still has awful hair, and Mr. Simonet has to put up with every C student in the school trying to set him up with their mom. Pay it forward, indeed. You know, all of this could have been avoided if Spacey had just worn a halter top like I suggested in the first place.

    Melonpool Quickcast #1: Santa Monica Kids

    Filed under: Melonpool Quickcast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:18 am

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    -By Steve Troop

    Based on Steve Troop’s classic webcomic of the same name, the Melonpool Quickcast features puppet versions of Troop’s alien cast, who are desperately trying to make heads or tails out of Earth culture.

    In the first installment, Mayberry interviews several experts on the subject: 3-to-5 year-olds in Santa Monica, CA.


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    Melonpool Quickcast #1: Santa Monica Kids:

    • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 29MB)
    • Small (320 x 240 – QuickTime – 12MB)
    • YouTube


    Comics in Context #134: Cineplex-Men

    Filed under: Comics in Context — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:16 am

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    cic-20060623-01.jpgWelcome, readers new and old, to “Comics in Context” at its new home here at Kevin Smith’s Quick Stop Entertainment. This week’s topic is X-Men: The Last Stand, both the new movie and its novelization. 

    But first, for the benefit of newcomers, allow me to explain what “Comics in Context” is about, who I am, and how this column came to be. 

    “Comics in Context” is a weekly series of critical essays on comics, cartoon art, and related subjects. When the column moved to Quick Stop Entertainment, so did its vast archive, now comprising one hundred and thirty-three past installments. You’ll find extended critiques of comic book series both recent, such as Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Strikes Again (in “Comics in Context” #30, 31, and 34) and classic, like Alan Moore’s V for Vendetta (#126-131). I’ve also written extensively about comic strips (as in #66 and 71). 

    From the column’s beginnings, I’ve written about film and television adaptations of comics, from Ang Lee’s Hulk (#2) through this week’s X-Men: The Last Stand. 

    I’ll also write about works in other media that have been adapted into comics, or have been influenced by comics, such as Star Wars (#86). 

    I also cover animation, ranging from early Disney hand-animated shorts to Pixar feature films, as you’ll see in upcoming weeks. The recent advances in blending computer animation and live action bring films such as Peter Jackson’s King Kong (#121) into this column’s territory. 

    I do extensive reports on major comics conventions (San Diego in #5-10 and #94-99, New York in #123-125) and on comics industry memorial services for major figures of the artform (Julius Schwartz in #32 and Will Eisner in #80-81). 

    Following the increasing mainstream interest in the artform, I also review gallery and museum shows about comics and cartoon art (such as the Museum of Modern Art’s Pixar exhibit in #120). I’ll even review theater works with connections to cartoon art (such as Disney’s Tarzan on Broadway in #133) and novels (without pictures) by authors who made their name in comics (such as Neil Gaiman’s Anansi Boys in #105-108). 

    In every case my goal is to write serious criticism while making it accessible and, I hope, entertaining, to more casual readers. 

    I believe my background makes me uniquely qualified to do just that. I’ve earned three Ivy League degrees in English literature, but I’ve also been writing about comics ever since becoming a regular contributor to the letter columns of editor Julius Schwartz’s Silver Age DC comics. Since then I’ve worked for fanzines (such as Amazing Heroes and Mark Gruenwald’s legendary Omniverse), become one of the main writers for DC’s Who’s Who and the original versions of The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe, and even became Marvel’s first and only archivist. I’ve collaborated on documentaries about comics, including Constantine Valhouli’s Sex, Lies and Superheroes, and taught “Comics as Literature” as New York University. I’m now a reviewer and reporter on comics for Publishers Weekly‘s online newsletter Comics Week and an advisor to New York City’s Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art. I’m also an author and contributing writer to several books about comics, most notably Marvel Universe for the leading art book publisher Harry N. Abrams. 

    Yet three years ago my career was at a low point: like many other comics professionals from the Baby Boom generation, I was no longer getting work from Marvel or DC. In publicizing his documentary about comics, Constantine Valhouli had made contact with Ken Plume, who was then an editor at IGN FilmForce. Constantine persuaded me that what I needed was a “forum,” from which I could make my views on the comics medium known, and Ken offered me just that, in the form of a weekly online column. So “Comics in Context” started in July 2003, three years ago next month. 

    Comics criticism is my artform, and every creative artist needs patrons who believe in the worth of what they are doing. Ken has been my loyal, constantly supportive patron. When he decided to take his new position here at Quick Stop, he asked me if I would come along. My immediate response was yes. 

    It was time for a change, anyway. Last year IGN shifted “Comics in Context” from IGN FilmForce to its new site, IGN Comics, and eventually the Powers That Be (above Ken’s head) started tampering with my column’s titles and complaining about some of my topics. I had long wondered what IGN stood for. Now I know: I’m Gone Now. I’m hopeful that the old installments in the archive will now regain their correct titles. 

    I recommend that you also check out the work of several of my colleagues from IGN who have also resettled on this new website. 

    There’s Ken, of course, who is an excellent interviewer with an enviable ability to put his subjects at ease and draw out revelations they’d be less likely to give mainstream media interviewers. 

    Then there’s “The Fred Hembeck Show,” starring the court jester of American comic books, who provides a unique blend of nostalgic affection for classic comics, critical insight, and wit. His weekly “show” never fails to entertain, and, as he would urge, you should also visit his website, www.hembeck.com. From time to time I find myself attempting to fathom the mysteries of Fred’s obsessions, such as his undying crush on 1960s Disney diva Hayley Mills (Would The Parent Trap be Two-Face’s favorite movie?) and his near-worship of a certain absorbent animated icon. Join Fearless Fred as he makes his journey from the world of SpongeBob to his new home in the kingdom of Silent Bob! 

    Those of you with broadband (unlike myself) should also sample Quick Stop’s video show “Monkey Talk,” masterminded by award-winning animation writer Paul Dini (an old friend I’ve known for decades) and his wife, sultry sorceress Misty Lee (whom I’ve never met but whose legend precedes her). 

    In future weeks I’ll be writing about Pixar’s Cars and Walt Disney’s 1930s Silly Symphonies; Doctor Who and The Wild Wild West; the new movie Superman Returns; The Eternals, both the original Jack Kirby series and the new Neil Gaiman version; and the landmark museum exhibition “Masters of American Comics.” 

    As for this week’s topic, those of you who have not yet seen X-Men: The Last Stand are hereby given a spoiler warning. In order to critique any work properly, I usually need to talk about major plot elements, including the ending. 

     

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    Marvel and Twentieth Century Fox, which produced X-Men: The Last Stand, were unusually secretive about its story. I had to write about the film in the third edition of DK’s X-Men: The Ultimate Guide, yet Marvel would not tell me or DK anything about the film, and would not even release publicity stills that we needed for illustrations until close to our deadline. As it turned out, certain major plot elements, notably the deaths of Cyclops and Professor X, were reported on the Internet long ago. 

    The previous X-Men movie, X2: X-Men United, strongly hinted that its director, Bryan Singer intended to tackle perhaps the greatest of all X-Men stories, Chris Claremont and John Byrne’s “Dark Phoenix Saga” (from Uncanny X-Men #129-137, from 1980), in the third film. 

    X2 ended with Jean Grey heroically sacrificing her life (or so it appeared) in an oncoming deluge in order to save the other X-Men, and a strange, birdlike form – presumably the sign of the Phoenix – appeared on the water’s surface afterwards. 

    But when Singer agreed to direct Superman Returns for Warners, Fox fired him, and replace him first with director Matthew Vaughn, who dropped out and was replaced by Brett Ratner. With Singer gone, what about his set-up for “The Dark Phoenix Saga”? 

    Avi Arad, who until recently was CEO of Marvel Studios, told Empire Online that “It should never be this one story. The main characters are more important than Jean Grey. . .This is a bigger story. Everybody’s expecting Dark Phoenix, but Dark Phoenix would never be the main show. She’ll be one of the characters, that’s it. There are a lot of stories to tell.” 

    Since when is Jean Grey not one of “the main characters” of the X-Men? She is one of the original members of this team of superhuman mutants, as it first appeared in X-Men #1 back in 1963. Chris Claremont, the writer of “The Dark Phoenix Saga,” was the appropriate choice to write Del Rey’s novelization of the film. In that novel, Claremont rightly calls Jean the “heart” of the X-Men. That is what made “The Dark Phoenix Saga” that rarity of the superhuman genre: a genuine tragedy. 

    In case there are any readers who do not know, in the comics Jean Grey (Marvel Girl) and her teammate Scott Summers (Cyclops) were the romantic leads of Marvel’s X-Men comics series. Like so many heroes co-created by Stan Lee in the early 1960s, Scott and Jean’s love for one another was initially unspoken: unable to control the powerful energy beams from his eyes, Scott felt cut off from the possibility of romance. (This is not very different from Rogue’s dilemma in both the X-Men comics and movies: she cannot touch anyone she loves without rendering them comatose.) Although they finally admitted their feelings for one another, circumstances separated Scott and Jean from time to time, including the arrival of the “new” X-Men when the series was revived in the mid-1970s. 

    In X-Men #100 (in 1976), during a mission in space, Jean heroically volunteered to pilot the escape craft taking the X-Men back to Earth, even though she was thereby exposed to intense radiation from a solar storm. The escape craft crash-landed in a bay, but Jean had not died: instead she rose from the waters, declaring herself to be the Phoenix. 

    She had apparently activated her unsuspected full potential, and, as we would soon learn. could now wield enough power to save the universe from destruction, as she did in issue 109. 

    Jean was linked with the “Phoenix Force,” cosmic energies that could manifested themselves around her in the form of a fiery bird. This was a force with great potential for creation or for destruction. 

    (Later retconning by Kurt Busiek and John Byrne established that Phoenix was not the real Jean, but was the sentient Phoenix Force, which had duplicated Jean’s body and consciousness. Still later, Claremont established that Phoenix bore a portion of the real Jean’s consciousness, which returned to Jean after Dark Phoenix’s demise: hence Dark Phoenix was partly Jean. The original intent of the “Dark Phoenix Saga” was that Jean was Phoenix, and for simplicity’s sake, that is how I am interpreting the story here.) 

    During another twist of fate, during which Jean thought Scott was dead, she underwent temptation by the devilish mutant Mastermind, who projected illusions into her mind that she had led a decadent life in an earlier incarnation in the 18th century. Claremont and Byrne were doing something revolutionary here, showing that even as pure and loving a heroine as Jean Grey had a dark side within her subconscious. 

    Reunited, Scott and Jean finally consummated their love in a memorable scene that Claremont and Byrne set on a desert mesa, in which Jean used the power of Phoenix to block Scott’s optic beams, thereby performing a miracle that made their sexual union possible at last. Though Claremont and Byrne got the point across through implication, and showed nothing explicit, this too was a revolutionary move for the mainstream comics of that period. 

    As a result of Mastermind’s psychic brainwashing, Jean soon became the malevolent Black Queen of the Inner Circle of the Hellfire Club, the X-Men’s enemies. But Mastermind, like Dr. Frankenstein, had unleashed a monster that he could not control: Jean broke free of his mental control, but his meddling with her mind turned her into the insane Dark Phoenix, a threat both to the X-Men and to the universe. The duality of human nature, of course, is one of the principal themes of the superhero genre. 

    Through psychic combat, the X-Men’s mentor, Professor Charles Xavier, succeeded in inducing Jean to revert to her normal personality. But the X-Men’s alien allies, the Shi’ar, demanded her destruction lest she threaten the universe once more. The X-Men engaged in a trial by combat to save Jean’s life. Reunited, Jean and Scott battled alongside each other. But Jean’s Dark Phoenix persona resurfaced, and in a brief moment of sanity, Jean committed suicide, before the horrified Scott’s eyes, to prevent herself from reverting permanently to Dark Phoenix. 

    Here lies the tragedy: that this young woman, who normally exemplified love, courage and heroism, who had proved capable of becoming a goddess in human form, was doomed by a fatal flaw in her psyche and by the evil within the world around her. The Phoenix Saga ended in issue 137 as it had really begun in #100: Jean’s ultimate act of love for Scott and her friends was to destroy herself. 

    There is no “bigger story” in the X-Men comics canon than this. Indeed, it rivals Stan Lee and Jack Kirby’s Galactus trilogy (Fantastic Four #48-50, from 1966) as one of the greatest of all Marvel storylines. 

    Since Jean is called Phoenix, it should be no surprise that Marvel later resurrected her. The longrunning story of Scott and Jean’s troubled romance even found a happy ending with their joyous wedding in X-Men (second series) #30 (1994). 

     

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    21st century Marvel has since destroyed this love story by having Scott act totally out of character and embark on an affair with Emma Frost, the Hellfire Club’s White Queen, of all people. Eventually, I hope, this too will pass, and wiser heads will reinstate the Scott-Jean romance, which, like Jean herself, is the heart of the series. 

    We can now see that X-Men: The Last Stand basically consists of two major, interlocking plotlines: Magneto’s attack on the human race, provoked by the creation of a “cure” for mutation, and the Dark Phoenix Saga. “Dark Phoenix” is considerably more important to the film than Avi Arad had suggested. Yet perhaps his insistence on minimizing its importance suggests why the treatment of Dark Phoenix goes awry in the film. 

    I did not have high expectations for the Last Stand movie, so I was surprised that I enjoyed it as much as I did. In large measure that’s because the writers, Simon Kinburg and Zak Penn, draw more fully on the imaginative richness of the X-Men comics canon than the previous films did. That doesn’t mean that Last Stand doesn’t have serious problems. 

    There are X-Men comics readers who dislike the movies because of the changes they make to the comics continuity. I expect movies and television shows to create their own variant continuity. This can be done well, as in the case of the 1990s Batman animated series. It doesn’t bother me that in the movies Angel is not one of the original X-Men, or that the movie Magneto is not still in his physical prime like the comics Magneto. 

    I did not expect Last Stand to send Dark Phoenix into outer space to destroy the planet of the D’Bari (the “asparagus people”) or to bring in the Shi’ar, or to stage the climax on the moon, as the comics did. John Byrne has an unlimited special effects budget; movies do not, so I expected that Last Stand would have to rework the Dark Phoenix Saga to keep it earthbound. 

    What is more important is that film and TV adaptations should be faithful to the characterizations and themes of the comics. This is where Last Stand goes astray in the case of Dark Phoenix. What the filmmakers should realize is that by failing to fully comprehend what makes the “Dark Phoenix Saga” work in the comics, they ruined dramatic opportunities that would have made Last Stand a stronger, deeper, better movie. 

    Here’s the first problem: do people who only know the X-Men from the movies even care about Jean? In the comics “The Dark Phoenix Saga” drew upon the readers’ warm feelings towards the character, not only from Claremont’s previous stories but, for longtime readers, from Stan Lee’s and Roy Thomas’s X-Men tales from the 1960s. In his review of Last Stand in New York Magazine (May 29, 2006), film critic David Edelstein refers to “Xavier’s dull assistant Jean (Famke Janssen), who sacrificed herself for her colleagues at the end of X2. . . .” He’s right. Despite that act of heroism, the previous two X-Men movies did not inspire fondness for Jean. 

    I was quite pleased with the opening scene of Last Stand, set twenty years ago. Here were Xavier and Magneto, when they were friends and colleagues, visiting John and Elaine Grey to recruit their prepubescent daughter Jean, into Xavier’s school for mutants. However the filmmakers managed to make actors Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen, who portray Xavier and Magneto, look twenty years younger, it was remarkable. I was happy to see that the screenwriters had here drawn upon Chris Claremont’s X-Men stories. It was Claremont who established in Uncanny X-Men #161 (1982) that Xavier and Magneto had been friends decades ago, and that Xavier had first met Jean when she was a child, to help her cope with her newly emerged psionic abilities, in Bizarre Adventures #27 (1981). 

    During this sequence, not only does X-Men co-creator Stan Lee make his expected Hitchcockian cameo (as “Waterhose Man,” according to the credits), but so does Chris Claremont, as “Lawnmower Man” (without apologies to Stephen King). Considering that Claremont is the most important author in X-Men history next to Lee, having written and molded the characters since 1975, this is a gesture that is both welcome and long overdue. 

    Of course, it would be even better if he got some onscreen acknowledgment of having written the stories that inspired much of the movie, and even a cut of the profits, but since he wrote them as work for hire, such is not to be. According to the Los Angeles Business Journal Frank Miller is “conservatively estimated to have made more than $10 million” so far from the Sin City movies, based on comics he wrote, drew, and owns. (See here) It makes you think, doesn’t it? 

    Moreover, whereas the Hulk and Fantastic Four movies rightly bear a credit that they are based on comics by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, I saw X-Men co-creator Kirby’s name nowhere on Last Stand. And so it goes. 

    But what is Jean like in this opening sequence? She’s angry and dangerous, glowering at the guests, and levitating all the cars in the neighborhood (and Claremont’s lawnmower) in a display of power. (Has she done this sort of thing before? If so, why haven’t all the neighbors headed for the hills?) Remember Superbaby? Meet Li’l Dark Phoenix: Red Skelton’s Mean Widdle Kid with a sex change and cosmic powers. She reminds me of those sinister, super-powered children in movies like The Omen and Village of the Damned. So why should we like her? 

    Claremont’s novelization provides a different perspective. I like a great deal about the novelization. Claremont delves further into the emotions and psychology of the characters and fills out their backgrounds, aligning the movie’s story more closely with the established comics continuity. Claremont even supplies many little grace notes that should please faithful readers of X-Men comics. In the novel he supplies Rogue and Moira MacTaggart with the accents – deep Southern United States and Scots, respectively – they lack in the movie. Claremont works in references and sometimes even appearances by X-Men characters unseen in the film, such as Forge and Bishop. The movie doesn’t give its President a name, so Claremont christens him President David Cockrum, in a commendable salute to the artist who co-created the X-Men Colossus, Nightcrawler, and Storm. Claremont and Cockrum also jointly devised Jean’s Phoenix persona. It’s fun to see Claremont dub an unnamed mutant in the film “Weezie,” the nickname of former X-Men editor Louise Simonson. 

    I also enjoy Claremont’s clever shout outs to some of the actors in the film. Though the comics have never given the Beast a sibling, Claremont tells us, “He enjoyed fine wines with his brother, the Jungian psychiatrist” (p. 55) a sly reference to Kelsey Grammer’s most famous role as Dr. Frasier Crane and his brother Niles, played by David Hyde Pierce. Towards the book’s end Claremont even engages in a touch of metafiction, informing us that a movie has been made about the mutant battle in San Francisco, “with one of Britain’s finest Shakespearean actors, a knight no less, tapped to play the role of Magneto,” a nod to McKellen (p. 334). 

    Much more importantly, though he faithfully recounts Xavier and Magneto’s visit to the Greys, Claremont begins the novelization with a different scene, closely based on his description of how Jean’s powers first emerged in that Bizarre Adventures tale. In the comics, Jean’s telepathic powers awakened in her childhood when her best friend, Annie, was mortally injured in an automobile accident. (Oddly, in the comics Annie’s last name is Richardson, but in the novel it is Malcolm. The novel also manages to misspell Magneto’s last name consistently: it should be “Lehnsherr.”) Jean telepathically experienced Annie’s emotions as she died in her arms; as the novel states, Jean “collapsed into what was later described as a fugue state brought on by extreme trauma” (p. 8). 

    Now this Jean is a little girl who deserves our sympathy, having been psychologically shattered by a dreadful experience. How many other origins in the superhero genre involve a child confronted with mortality through the sudden loss of a loved one? The death of Annie is metaphorically the death of the innocence of Jean’s childhood. Significantly, Claremont refers to their “shared lives,” as if recognizing that symbolically they are one (p. 6). 

    Returning to this scene he first chronicled a quarter century ago, Claremont adds intriguing new touches. Jean angrily refuses to accept that Annie is dying: “The passion surprised them both, a fierce rage that outlined Jean, just for a moment, in a corona of fire, like a star casting forth a solar flare.” This is the birth of Phoenix, linked to the surge of passion. 

    There is also the suggestion that the Phoenix represents the potential of the human spirit. Jean psychically perceives herself and Annie as “a pair of galaxies, islands of breathtaking light and color, all by themselves against the backdrop of infinity” (p.5). Then the Phoenix power, released within Jean, becomes “an absolute of light. Against such a display, Annie was too small to even quantify” (p. 6). Unable to cope, the child Jean feels “cast into a maelstrom” (p. 6). 

    That image, of being cast into a maelstrom, perfectly suits even the adult Jean, her sanity overwhelmed by dark passions surging from her subconscious in the comics’ version of “The Dark Phoenix Saga.” If only the movie had conveyed that this is what its Jean was also experiencing, her behavior might have awakened stronger audience empathy. 

    Following the Jean flashback, the movie segues to a sequence of the X-Men in combat at a time identified by onscreen titles as “in the not too distant future.” I find that I am not the only person who was put in mind of Claremont and Byrne’s other greatest X-Men story, the “Days of Future Past,” set in a dystopian future (Uncanny X-Men #141-142, from 1981), and indeed, the head of one of the giant mutant-hunting Sentinel robots, severed by Wolverine, drops into view. By this time I had guessed that this was the “Danger Room,” the X-Men’s hologram-generating practice room, at long last making it into one of the X-Men movies. Am I the only one who, upon seeing that “not too distant future” caption, thought of the theme song for Mystery Science Theater 3000? 

    It was also fun to see Colossus throwing Wolverine in their “fastball special” maneuver, familiar from the comics. I suppose that now moviegoers will think that Last Stand is copying the way Aragorn tosses the dwarf Gimli into battle in Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002). Was Jackson intentionally copying Colossus and Wolverine? If so, Jackson got the point of the maneuver: that Colossus is so much bigger than the short but powerful Wolverine. On seeing the first X-Men movie I was astonished at how much Hugh Jackman, in wig and makeup, facially resembled the comics Wolverine, one of the relatively few heroes in superhero comics with a distinctive face, and I like his performance in the role. I suppose it was too much to hope for that the filmmakers would cast someone who was 5’3″ in a leading role like Wolverine. (When I see Jackman doing musical comedy on television, he is utterly unrecognizable as Wolverine!) 

    It’s not clear how much time has elapsed in the world of the X-Men films since the second and third movies, though a new President has taken office. It doesn’t bother me that Scott is still unable to recover from the death of Jean: remember, in the comics, he left the team afterwards. In the novel Claremont makes clear that Scott is suffering from clinical depression. 

    I like Claremont’s extended description of Xavier’s mansion and its history at the start of Chapter Three. (I wish he had worked all of this out back when I was co-writing the Marvel Universe Handbooks!) I’ve also grown to like the building used as Xavier’s school in the movies. It may not have the familiar cupola from the comics, but I like the ivy-covered walls, as if the Xavier school represented the Ivy League for mutants. 

     

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    There follows a scene about Rogue and her inability to touch people without triggering her absorption power. The movie Rogue may have the same power and problem as her comics counterpart, and even the same white streak in her hair, but she’s not the same person. Imagine if the movies had given us the sassy, feisty Southern woman that Rogue is in the comics. What a great part that would be for an actress! (Watching The Incredibles again recently, I realized that Holly Hunter’s vocal characterization for Elastigirl could work for Rogue.) But, as we shall see, the X-Men movies are a study in missed opportunities. 

    That even applies a little to Kelsey Grammer’s performance as Dr., Henry McCoy, the Beast. I think this was brilliant casting: Grammer’s sonorous voice, and refined, dignified manner perfectly make clear the contrast between McCoy’s high intellect and his bestial physical appearance. 

    The Beast makeup works perfectly, in sharp contrast to the Thing suit in last summer’s Fantastic Four movie. I was happy to see the Beast make his entrance characteristically hanging upside down, and, doubtless thanks to special effects, he moved convincingly in the battle scenes. I even liked hearing Grammer utter the Beast’s trademark (and nonsensical) exclamation “Oh my stars and garters!” from the comics. 

    So what’s the missed opportunity? In the comics the Beast can be funny! Why cast Kelsey Grammer, a superb comedy actor, in the role if the filmmakers don’t give him the Beast’s characteristic witticisms to speak? 

    Then the film introduces us to Bolivar Trask, but this Trask isn’t the fanatical anti-mutant scientist who created the Sentinels, but a military man, who barely makes an impression as a character in the movie. Why use the name of Bolivar Trask but not the real character? 

    Marvel has been claiming that this is the final X-Men movie, yet Last Stand ends with scenes that clearly set up the next one, and considering how much money Last Stand is making (the second largest opening day box office in history, and the biggest Friday opening ever), it’s hard to imagine that Marvel and Fox will resist the temptation to do X4. So what if they decide to use the Sentinels (such a natural in the age of CGI) for that movie? 

    Shouldn’t they have saved the name “Bolivar Trask” for their inventor? 

    This reminds me of one of the strange coincidences of 1960s pop culture. In X-Men there were Bolivar Trask, who debuted in 1965, and his son Larry, who conducted “witch hunts” against the mutants in society. And the 1960s television series Dark Shadows had its own Trask family, literal witchhunters, the first of whom debuted in 1967. Was this mere accident, or was someone on the Shadows staff a Marvel fan? 

    In the movie and novel, McCoy refers to the “mutant community.” In the X-Men comics of the 1960s (except for the original Mesmero storyline) there appeared to be very few superhuman mutants on Earth. It was Grant Morrison, during his stint writing the New X-Men comic a few years ago, who made it clear that mutants constituted a sizable minority of Earth’s population. Claremont embraces this idea, and, indeed, later on in the novel he even establishes that a sequence in the film takes place in “Mutie Town,” the mutant “ghetto” in Manhattan from the District X comics. 

    Ironically, Marvel has recently reversed course in the comics, whittling down the number of superhuman mutants to roughly two hundred as a result of the House of M limited series. I see the point that the number of mutants in the Marvel Universe had gotten out of hand: having too many superpowered beings in the population would make Marvel-Earth overly different from the real world of its readers. 

    Still, one of the basic premises of X-Men is that a new race is evolving that may supplant “normal” humans, a prospect some (like Bolivar Trask) fear and others (like Magneto) welcome. If there are no more than a few hundred mutants within Earth’s population of several billion, what’s the problem? 

    It is revealed in the film that Dr. Kavita Rao, sponsored by Warren Worthington Jr. (the father of the winged mutant Angel), has developed a “cure” for mutation, which suppresses the functioning of the “x”-gene. The elder Worthington regards mutation as a disease. Joss Whedon and John Cassaday introduced both Dr. Rao and the cure in the initial storyline of their Astonishing X-Men comics series (see “Comics in Context” #42 and 43). Mr. Whedon has just gotten a lesson in how work for hire functions in comics. 

    Look at how movie critics have reacted to the cure. Manohla Dargis of The New York Times declares that “The story this time partly turns on a new cure for the mutant gene, which pushes the series’ gay metaphor without developing it in any interesting way,” and likens the winged Angel to “seraphic visions of Angels in America,” Tony Kushner’s epic theater work about the gay experience in the United States. Other reviewers made similar comments. But limiting the metaphor of mutation in X-Men to a single meaning is shallow thinking. 

    Doubtless Bryan Singer, who is openly gay, recognized that mutation can serve as a “gay metaphor.” But much of the brilliance of the X-Men concept is that mutants can be a metaphor for any minority group. After all, the series was created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, both straight, in the early 1960s. If they were aware of the metaphorical aspect of X-Men, they were more likely thinking of the black civil rights movement of the time, or of their own Jewish-American heritage. 

     

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    Roger Ebert realizes that the mutant metaphor can’t be restricted to any one minority: in his Last Stand review he wrote that “There are so many parallels here with current political and social issues that to list them is to define the next presidential campaign. . . . I thought of abortion, gun control, stem cell research, the ‘gay gene’ and the Minutemen. ‘Curing’ mutants is obviously a form of genetic engineering and stirs thoughts of ‘cures’ for many other conditions humans are born with, which could be loosely defined as anything that prevents you from being just like George or Georgette Clooney.” 

    In Tom DeFalco’s new interview book, Comics Creators on X-Men, Claremont reveals that he identifies with the X-Men’s outsider status because he remembers what it was like being a British-born child growing up in a strange country – the United States. Hence mutants can even represent the sense of alienation felt by a minority of one. 

    When the first X-Men movie came out, the comparison of Xavier and Magneto to Martin Luther King and Malcolm X, respectively, was much commented upon: in that film Magneto even repeats Malcolm X’s famous line, “By any means necessary.” Notice that in Last Stand, the President, taking extreme action to suppress mutant rebels, uses that same phrase. 

    In the film and novel Magneto displays the number tattooed on his wrist, making evident that anti-mutant bigotry can also symbolize anti-Semitism. In the novelization Claremont has the Beast delve more fully into that comparison. 

    Claremont also has Storm make a speech to Rogue that reminds me of Pixar’s The Incredibles, in which the “supers” represent people who are forced to suppress their talents and individuality in the name of fitting into a dull, conformist society (see “Comics in Context” #62). Storm says, “there’s nothing to cure. You might as well cure Mozart of writing music, or da Vinci of the ability to make machines, or Edison, or Archimedes, or Shakespeare” (p. 78). 

    I’m far from finished on the subject of X-Men: The Last Stand, and my critique will continue next week. 

    ADVERTISEMENTS FOR MYSELF  

    I’ve lifted the name of this section from the title of a book by Norman Mailer. It seems appropriate for my plugs for my other current projects. I have two new books out: DK’s X-Men: The Ultimate Guide – The Third Edition, which I wrote and have updated for 2006, and The Art of X-Men: The Last Stand: From Concept to Feature Film, to which I contributed an essay on the X-Men’s history in the comics. 

    Moreover, Marvel has just published Volume Two of its Essentials reprinting of The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe, Deluxe Edition, from the mid-1980s. I wrote, expanded and updated more entries than anyone else for the Deluxe edition, under the editorship of the late Mark Gruenwald. I am amazed that this is the fifth book this year which I either wrote entirely or contributed to writing. And there are still more to come! 

    I’ve also been interviewed once again by the BBC, as you can see on their website. 

    You can also find recent articles I’ve written for Publishers Weekly‘s Comics Week here and here. And they’re free! 

    This weekend (June 24 and 25) I will be interviewing comics artists Frank Brunner and Jerry Ordway at the Big Apple Con at the Penn Plaza Pavilion in Manhattan. 

    My suspicions about the alleged boom in academic interest in the comics medium continue unabated: only one person signed up for my course, “The Graphic Novel as Literature,” at New York University this summer, so it was canceled – yet again. 

    However, my monthly lecture course, “1986: The Year That Changed Comics,” continues at Manhattan’s Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art. 

    At 6:30 PM on Monday, June 26, I will be lecturing on Frank Miller and David Mazzucchelli’s Daredevil: Born Again. (It’s a follow-up to my June 6 talk about Miller’s Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, which went quite well.) And it too is free! Feel free to come! 

    Copyright 2006 Peter Sanderson

     

     

    Trailer Park: Hi. My Name Is.

    Filed under: Trailer Park — admin @ 3:28 am

    By: Christopher Stipp ; E-Mail: Christopher_Stipp@yahoo.com ; Archives? Right here…

    Note Bene: If you have the time, check out my June 30th column with Tim Nett of Trailer Park as we discuss modern trailers and what the Hollywood Reporter has doing for decades to praise those that make them.

    My new editor requested I do something I haven’t done since starting my career with the “˜Shoot and, now, Quick Stop: introduce myself. Hi, my name is Christopher and this is my column entitled Trailer Park. I’ve been around these parts for a good two and a half years, every week, with new material and now I am brining it to you out there in the Quick Stop ephemera.

    Turn-Ons: Action movies, Foreign films that aren’t predicated on pretentiousness, Romantic comedies that don’t completely suck (read here: SINGLES, SO I MARRIED AN AXE MURDERER,) Anything starring Bob and Doug McKenzie and fresh hummus from The Pita Jungle.

    This re-introduction of sorts is a great idea because now there is a healthy mix of some of my older brother and sisters who now have to mesh in with the step-kids. It’s hard whenever you have transition but I am happy to say that I am going to violate every single one of you newbies just as if you were my own.

    Turn-Offs: Anything with Diane Keaton, Brett Ratner, Badly dubbed kung-fu films, Movie houses that sit on good foriegn films for an inexorably long time and flip-flops.

    The short of it is that this column was created to comment on movie trailers. Just comment on them, say whether you like them and then be done with it. I thought it was a wonderful concept, the trailer review. For all the posturing that people comment on when they’re asked what the best thing about going to the movies is I was amazed, and still am, that there aren’t more writers really commenting and deconstructing these little two and a half minute advertisements; people say that seeing the trailers are sometimes the best part of the filmic experience but where’s the friggin’ love for these things?

    Favorite movie in the past 6 years: IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE. Favorite movie in the past 10 years: BOTTLE ROCKET. Favorite movie in the past 25 years: STRANGE BREW.

    When I took over this column two and a half years ago I just felt like commenting on them wasn’t enough. I wanted to have fun with it. I wanted to be the one stop shop for someone wondering if a movie Coming Soon to Theaters was worth spending your money on. This column really has become more than just giving a one or two sentence blurb about how “cool” or “teh awesome” a trailer is, this column is about the potential for what can happen when you marry creativity and economics in a tight package.

    Favorite Trailer of 2005: DAWN OF THE DEAD. Favorite trailer of 2006: BATMAN BEGINS.

    I’ll admit it outright: I am the only person doing what I do on this scale on The Internets and it’s the exact Coming Soon experience that I am looking to catch right here from week to week and that means I’m not always about the trailers.

    Best Interview: Robert Patrick, WALK THE LINE

    Some weeks I run interviews with people who have movies that are about to come out, sometimes I feel it’s right to delve into television every now and again, I’ll take a peek at a particularly neglected feature that many people don’t know a lot about and which deserves a little limelight and sometimes, when it’s good enough, I’ll run video clips right in this space of filmmakers who think they’ve got what it takes to be noticed.

    Worst Atrocity Committed On Screen (tie): Han not shooting first and the FBI dudes in E.T. who had guns in their hands only to be digitially replaced with walkie-talkies. I mean, for reals, what was the hell is it about revisionist history?

    I just reserve the right to do whatever fits the vibe of the space here, plain and simple.

    Best 80’s Movie: REAL GENIUS. This is not open for debate.

    I love hearing from people out there, you in the audience, and running comments about what you think about the potential for whatever is coming down the proverbial pike when I run a particularly spirited review of a trailer. This column shouldn’t be all about me but it should be about the free flow of things that are interesting with regard to entertainment for any given week.

    Movie That Sunk My Chances For A 2nd Date With That One Girl From English 102: THREESOME; I still like that movie.

    Just look what’s on the horizon for the next few weeks:

    -A review of WHO KILLED THE ELECTRIC CAR, a documentary exploring what happened to the automobile industry’s answer to hippies everywhere who wanted an electric vehicle on the market that didn’t pollute the earth as bad as their petroleum sucking brethren.

    -An interview with Tim Nett, President and founder of Trailer Park, one of the most successful trailer houses in Hollywood. His insight will help some of you understand this mostly mysterious business a little better as to why certain things are done in this medium.

    -Comic-Con. San Diego. July. Who else is gonna come get some? I know I am and, if you’ve been a reader for longer than a year, you know this where some really great material starts to trickle out. Last year I hustled some time with Josh Holloway from Lost, Natalie Portman and Joel Silver for V FOR VENDETTA, Darren Aronofsky and Rachel Weisz for THE FOUNTAIN, Jack Black and Kyle Gass for PICK OF DESTINY, the Tenacious D movie, Stan Lee and lots more. I am hoping for more exclusive material and I am aiming to deliver on that.

    -New Director Showcase. Sometimes I find things good enough to share with the rest of the class. This video is the reason why I appreciate the dedication some have to the craft of telling great stories in as little time as possible. Like this man, Steve Delahoyde. He makes funny look easy and the man easily has handfulls of videos that I’ve enjoyed too much to just let sit around without giving the man some attention. Just peer into the notion of what would happen if you took a 4+ hour road trip and all you allowed yourself to listen to was Abba’s “Dancing Queen.” Click on the picture. Solid. Gold.

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    So, you see, there is now a great reason to stay with Quick Stop Entertainment all week. I cherish my Friday spot here if for the only reason that it’s like the reliever position in the 7th inning. It’s my job to get the win and to close out all any other site who thinks they can just cruise into the weekend by giving you some crap review and leaving you for the weekend. Not here.

    Influences Growing Up: Bobcat Goldthwait’s “Meat Bob,” Bill Hicks’ “Relentless,” G.I. Joe, Comic books, Comic Strip Live on Fox every Saturday night, Wild Chicago on WTTW every Sunday night, Freddy, Jason and Sigourney Weaver showing me what a hardcore lady can do.

    Trailer Park. New material every Friday.

    Influences Now: Weekly TWiT Podcast, King of Cars on A&E, Frontline (bar none the best show your ass isn’t watching right at this very moment), The Cardigans, John Holmberg, Bill Hicks and Adam Witt over there at Schadenfreude. Adam currently be found in the unemployment line when not already working mightily on his skills as 1/5th of Chi-Town’s own Voltron of comedy. The guy and his band of merry men, and lady, rock the stage and iPods weekly (keyword: Schadenfreude) so give them some non-genital loving.

    So, let’s get into it with some reviews and, in the legendary words of Bony-T from BOOMERANG, “Set this mutha fucking thing off!”

    …And, if you have the time, stop on over to MySpace. Lot more of where this came from over there. Plus, I haven’t been found out yet by Dateline NBC.


    GRIDIRON GANG (2006)

    Director: Phil Joanou
    Cast: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Xzibit, Danny Martinez, Mo, Trever O’Brien, Six Reasons, Brandon Smith, Jade Yorker, Robert Zepeda, Michael Jace, Bill Smitrovich
    Release: September 15, 2006
    Synopsis: The Rock and Xzibit star in a story based on actual events about the creation of a football team within the confines of a juvenile detention camp.
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    Prognosis: Negative. I like The Rock.

    Every time I see this dude on the screen, big or small, he’s got that kind of vibe that makes you want to see good things for his future. He’s charismatic, proven he can be funny, really is heir apparent for many action films to come but he’s got heart in everything he does; with the exception of THE MUMMY 2, which was crap. This trailer is no different, I am glad to see, as Rock’s vibe comes through from the first moment he narrates his first word on the voiceover in this trailer.

    I don’t appreciate, however, the hokey as hell “introduction” to this piece of advertisement. We’ve seen this before with UNDERWORLD and who knows how many other times and I am at a loss as to why there was a compelling need to produce a less than 10 second blurb telling me that I am about to watch a trailer that I just chose to watch before I was told I was doing so. It’s weird but whatever.

    Now, when we get to the gritty of the trailer, and it is gritty which is very aesthetic we get the Rock’s voice telling us that when some people act out they get their car keys taken away or grounded; the images that go along with this, however, of the hot WHITE chick cheerleader and the frolicking WHITE boys stand in comparison to The Rock’s next comment that some make bad choices, here, accompanying images of a violent BLACK kid with a pistol. I’m not sure if there’s a racial element that’s being implied but I am aware of the visual cues that show the every same kid being shipped off to prison because of his actions. I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive to this but I’d like to think that there’s some purposeful reason why this is.

    We end up in the self same prison and The Rock now is shown to be one of the more important elements in this prison/probationary center as a guard/counselor as he says to his boss that these angry young men have problems with a host of different things but that football may help. Huh?

    FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS this is not.

    Now, the musical element that starts to play underneath Rock’s insistence that a football team be formed to help facilitate a meaningful rehabilitation is kind of like Eminem’s “Lose It” but it really works here to establish a good flow for the events that follow. Now, I don’t particularly like Xzibit as an entertainment figure, as for all his hardcore rapping and attitude seems available for readjustment as long as MTV is paying for the castration, and thankfully this is all about The Rock and his insistence that these guys find something they can conform to under the guise of playing a little football. Not sure I buy the premise but it looks and feels better than most films that want to cater to the young male demographic with nothing more than flash and no substance.

    And I pained, really pained, by the progression of the plot that unfolds before us. I mean it’s great that this trailer really knows to move through the high points of the plot quickly with a little pizzazz but when this troubled boy squad (gasp!) has to go up against the 38-0 football team, filled with pretty white people from before natch, this seems more Disney than WWE. The two kinds of films, the Disney Sports genre which should be copyrighted by now, and this one both share another kind of element: they’re all based, somehow, on a true story.

    I don’t know if I keep up with current events but are there really that many “true” stories out there where underdogs have come from behind to triumph over adversity? Isn’t that what being in competition is all about? Maybe I’m just disenfranchised with the ideas of being based on reality but if you’ve got nothing else to say other than adversity + pain = enlightenment I’ve got little interest.

    WHO KILLED THE ELECTRIC CAR? (2006)

    Director: Chris Paine
    Cast: Colette Divine, David Freeman, Alexandra Paul, Chelsea Sexton, J. Karen Thomas
    Release: June 28, 2006 (Limited)
    Synopsis: WHO KILLED THE ELECTRIC CAR? chronicles the life and mysterious death of the GM EV1, examining its cultural and economic ripple effects and how they reverberated through the halls of government and big business.
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    Prognosis: Dirty Hippie Propaganda. Yeah, I’ll Watch It…

    It’s amazing to me that when certain conflagrations of media and popular culture come together you sometimes get films that come at the right time. For example, when corporate culture was being dissected and ripped apart for what it was in the late 80’s we saw the documentary, ROGER & ME; fast food culture took a hell of a beating, and even effected positive change, when SUPER SIZE ME showed that our country’s more more more attitude when it came to desiring more on our collective plates wasn’t really a healthy thing; and now, with the rise of concerns over equally rising gas prices you have this film about a little car that could’ve but has ended up dying an inglorious death right here in the Southwest. You’re welcome for that.

    I weary that we start this thing like so many stories I get assaulted with by my local Fox affiliate every night: fear mongering. Yes, I get that the really haunting score behind the shot of some lucky dude who now has to pay over $75.00 to fill up his tank is supposed to make me clench my pearl necklace in abject disgust but the accompanying card that simply pops up the words “Global Warming,” “Pollution,” “Unrest in the Middle East” and “Rising Gas Prices” makes the point. This is the attention grabber and it does what it needs to do; I’m not a big of going this route, however, as I think you could’ve went with the quality of the work you’re about to showcase but that’s just me.

    Now, when we get into the real crux of this story, the narrative of this little car, the EV1, that only ran on electricity I find myself engaged to the quick history of the vehicle if, for no other reason, than this is a topic that has been reaching a din every day in every paper across America thanks to the three plus dollar a gallon I’m paying at the local Chevron.

    If I could, here, make a point to the person who made this trailer I would have two things to say:

    1) The spooky music you hooked people when you employed your fear mongering at the beginning of the trailer drops too precipitously when you launch into the mellow narration about this car.

    2) When you tell me that this buggy was fast, put out no emissions and was so “teh awesome” when you tell me that it almost went the way of the dodo and you put up a picture of a landfill are you really telling me that GM put these cars in a wood chipper or are you exaggerating again?

    It’s little things like this that take a perfectly solid story and turn it into a movie where I question if it’s a piece of hippy propaganda even before I see the first frame because of the way I am being sold.

    And then it changes.

    Unbelievable as it is we actually are launched into the real meat of this story by being told that the cost to operate this car is the same as if you were driving a regular one with the exception that the cost of gas for the EV1 is sixty cents a gallon. Now that’s a factoid we could’ve led with but, again, like I said, it seems that the initial volley to get people to watch was done out of provocation, not the merits of the movie itself. But, no matter, as I’m hooked on finding out more.

    We get a testimonial from Tom Hanks on the speed of this car which I imagine is a big concern for dudes, some comments about how no one knew that this car even existed and then we descend into the reasons why you’ve probably never read word one on this vehicle: Dick Cheney, Condoleeza Rice and your local neighborhood Bush administration.

    The trailer is good about quickly pivoting from one talking head to another about the reasons why we, as a country, haven’t been exposed to this alternative, about establishing the relationship between oil and the moneyed interests with power to keep this under wraps and this trailer is also good about providing quick blurbs from those who have seen the flick to give us all an idea of why this movie is so poignant at this stage in our nation’s development.

    I’ll see this documentary because of the latter half of this trailer but if you expect to get people’s attention sometimes it’s all about selling the facts, not fear. I am really receptive, as are a lot of people, to having a point of view leveled as honestly as it can be put out there, as Tom Russert from Meet the Press stated in an interview with Bob Edwards on XM this week, but when you try to spin something you’re going to get into trouble; people see through it, as cliched as it sounds, like a sheet of paper held to the sun. However, this trailer has a tricky line to walk with balancing attention grabbing and fact presenting. It’s hard to do but I think it does its job well in this trailer. A must see for anyone who wants a better understanding of oil politics and doesn’t want to sit down with a global economics textbook.

    I’m lazy like that, too.

    GHOST RIDER (2007)

    Director: Mark Steven Johnson
    Cast: Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes, Wes Bentley, Sam Elliott, Peter Fonda
    Release: February 16, 2007
    Synopsis: In order to save his dying father, young stunt cyclist Johnny Blaze sells his soul to Mephistopheles and sadly parts from the pure-hearted Roxanne Simpson, the love of his life. Years later, Johnny’s path crosses again with Roxanne, now a gogetting reporter, and also with Mephistopheles, who offers to release Johnny’s soul if Johnny becomes the fabled, fiery Ghost Rider, a supernatural agent of vengeance and justice. Mephistopheles charges Johnny with defeating the despicable Blackheart, Mephistopheles’s nemesis and son, who plans to displace his father and create a new hell even more terrible than the old one.

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    Prognosis: Positive. You just want good things to happen to good people. Pure and simple.

    When I was at the Comic-Con in San Diego last year I sat with director Mark Steven Johnson and Eva Mendes and it was just a really pleasant experience. To hear that GHOST RIDER was getting pushed back, way back, from its initial early 2006 release date was both disconcerting because release shifts aren’t necessarily done to great movies and disappointing because when you meet the people who have helped to make the film what it is, and they seem genuine, you feel bad in a way. Good thing, though, that they’ve decided to focus on enhancing the film, though, because this is a great trailer.

    I don’t think that Nic Cage was the most believable choice for the role of Johnny Blaze as when this trailer opens up and you see his wizened eyes popping out at you in full screen glory one has to wonder if this is really a story about a dude who makes a deal with the devil or if it’s the story of a middle aged man who makes a deal with the devil because he knows he already has one foot in the grave.

    It’s ok, though, as once we see his digital stunt double take off a jump that sees him launching over 5 working, military style, helicopters (By the way, it’s in a domed arena, soooo how did they get them in there? Movie magic, kids.) and we see him eat it the crash is wonderfully rendered; the colors pop off the screen and the momentum that begins and carries us through the rest of the trailer is undeniable.

    I don’t know so much about the actual idea of Cage being heir to this evil indenture of sorts but the trailer, sans musical interlude or voiceover, bold choice, carries us through the moment when we are all let in on his deal “To save someone he loved.” Of course it was to save someone he loved but I am especially impressed with this ad for not belaboring the point that he was a reckless dude with a heart of steel and a will of iron who shook hands with the devil or any such dramatics. No pictures of Eva Mendes pop up; no slow mo shots of his happier days as a frolicking dude with hair and a smile; and I’m happy that Sam Elliott still thinks that looking like an aging porn star with that trucker “˜stache of his is still pimp.

    Then, bam! (Deep apologies for the Emeril reference. It was unintended.)

    We get aquatic zombies, church dwelling vampires and a sweet Transformers-type metamorphosis of Cage into Ghost Rider that I think even Franz Kafka would give two thumbs on. I was once afraid of the cheesy ass effects that were employed in the “leaked” trailer months ago but when I watch his hog go from yuppie weekend warrior chopper in all its waxy glory to bad ass cycle of Satan my interest is genuinely piqued in this project.

    I am launched even further into this world of leather and chains when Cage starts riding his bike with his tires aflame like some out of control Bridgestone Firestone blow-out circa 2000. Cage rides it with a vengeance and even with the inclusion of a static shot of Eva Mendes looking all sorts of concerned with the popos behind her, guns drawn, no doubt to shred Cage doesn’t deter me from getting fanboy crazy over seeing Ghost Rider tear vertically up the side of a skyscraper, windows shattering in its wake. Not only is this a nice inclusion but the trailer just slips it in there and keeps going.

    We see him tearing down the street, riding alongside some Old Man River who’s galloping on a flaming horse, we get a more than ample look at the Ghost Rider’s head and, my favorite shot of them all, we see Ghost whipping his chains over his head and whipping them downward on that skyscraper as he heads downward.

    I’m impressed by this trailer for a number of reasons but the decision to show so much, and have it be of good quality, deserve a positive review of this advertising’s efforts.

    FEARLESS aka HUO YUAN JIA (2006)

    Director: Ronny Yu
    Cast: Jet Li
    Release: August 4, 2006
    Synopsis: Fok Yuanjia (Li) dreams of continuing the legacy his father established as a world-class fighter in China. After reaching his goal, however, a personal tragedy causes him to disappear for several years. He’s not heard from until the honor of defending his country in an international tournament surfaces.

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    Prognosis: Positive. Of course Li is the “only one” mentioned in this trailer who could’ve thrashed the piss out of his corporate overlords; sometimes it’s just pure drivel that begins these sorts of things.

    I know the whole singular person trope, that one that states that there really can be only one individual, usually a dude, to make change in an action movie, is a whole lot of busted, tired and lame but I still have a fondness for it; especially if that person is Jet Le, you understand, and you know that there’s going to be a whole lot of ass kicking going around. And there will.”Mastering others is strength, Mastering yourself makes you fearless.” Consider me entranced by the wide shot that opens this trailer as we’re treated to a little quote beforehand about something or another regarding strength.

    All’s I know’s is that when you start a movie talking about mastering and strength in the same sentence there’s going to be a while lot of ass kicking going around. I’m not let down in this regard as the wide shot goes from abstract to focused as we listen to the premise of the flick: China is overtaken in a war, whiteys move in and said white men want to flex their physicality over the Chinaman by having public fights to demonstrate this. This is where you feel the surge building.

    So, you’ve got dudes fighting with fists, swords, muscles, what have you, but when the narrator of this trailer, who does a better job than just going with throaty Voiceover Guy, and who I think sounds a lot like David Lo-Pan from BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, says that only one man rose to challenge them you know exactly who they’re talking about.

    Jet slowly thumps his fists as we’re informed, delicately, this is coming to us via the producer of HERO and CROUCHING TIGER, that the fight choreographer is Yeun Wo Ping all the while Jet gets a little faster with his moves. I am especially delighted by Jet’s moves as he’s holding an umbrella in the rain and uses his legs to do the fighting for him.

    The music gets faster, the drums beat a little louder and Li starts to take the imperialists to task one by one; he tarries mid-court inside the fighting ring as this little David takes on all the Goliaths sent his way. No matter how much older Jet is getting he is still blazing fast and amazing to watch just within the parameters of this trailer.

    The story continues on as Jet is deceived from within his population as he gets it on with some sword fighting against one of his own, we see the softer side of Sears as we get glimpses of little kids coming up to him, perhaps his own, as then we’re whisked away to another moment as Li is beset in a circle, on all sides, by an encroaching mob. We’re told that this is his final martial arts epic and I cannot see anything here that would tell me this is going to be anything else but. We’ve got a multitude of sweeping fight sequences that seem to pull at Li’s every ability but, more than that, this trailer plays like it was the next installment of a Michael Bay cluster bomb.

    You’ve got Jet’s kinetic fluidity that has always been his calling card and this trailer captures it wonderfully. You’ve got a reason to see this film for a number of reasons, be it the story of Western colonization or the chance to see Jet doing what he does well or even to see a flick where dudes are going to get served many times over.

    Simply put, after wretched examples of Hollywood directors misusing Jet it is nice to see, just in this trailer, Jet once again being able to let himself be free to express the reasons why he’s been a talent within this genre for decades.

    Nocturnal Admissions: Running Scared

    Filed under: Nocturnal Admissions — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:23 am
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    runningboxAlerted by a movie talk forum to the glories of Running Scared, I moved the disc to the head of the queue. Then I popped it into the DVD tray without even looking at the box, so I viewed it with only the knowledge that it was an urban crime film of exceeding violence starring Paul Walker; no director or writer research, no awareness of the other cast members.

    From this virgin vantage, Running Scared quickly revealed itself to be a criminal version of Kurosawa’s Stray Dog. It’s about a guy trying to get back a gun. I hesitate to go into too much detail about the plot, so let me first say this about the film. It is great. If you haven’t heard of it, and you like visually stylish urban crime thrillers with a twist, go out and rent or buy this film now.

     

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    That being said, the movie focuses on one Joey Gazelle (Walker). He’s a minor level enforcer for a NY or Jersey mobster while also maintaining a family, consisting of wife Teresa (Mimi Rogers look-alike Vera Farmiga), a son, disabled father, and most of the time the abused Russian kid Oleg (Cameron Bright from Birth) from next door. The film opens violently, as Joey finds himself in the middle of a drug deal gone bad, in that it’s raided at mid-point by a third group. Soon it devolves into one of those Tarantino-popularized mass shoot-outs where only a few get out alive. In this case it is Joey and his boss Tommy “Tombs” Perello (Johnny Messner, from the short lived Fox show Killer Instinct), who at one point shoots an opponent right in the crotch. This is the kind of pulp product where anything can happen and life is cheap. If you have ever read Raoul Whitfield’s Green Ice you’ll know what I’m talking about. It’s one of the most violent scenes you’re likely to see in an R rated movie, and the film doesn’t stop there. Children are imperiled and see terrible things; human life is cheap; the city is an evil place and even “good” places like diners play host to bad scenes.

     

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    Frankly, part of me knows that this film is gross, excessive, and ludicrous. I also know that Running Scared (New Line, 2006, 122 minutes, color, NR, 2.40:1 enhanced, English, DTS 6.1 ES, Dolby Digital 5.1, Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo with English and Spanish subtitles, 20 minute making of, director commentary track, two storyboarded sequences, the trailer, additional trailers, and CD-ROM features, static musical menu with 22-chapter scene selection, 28-page insert with comic book version of a scene, one disc, keep case, $27.98, released on Tuesday, June 6, 2006) is the kind of film I like. In fact, it got me so excited that I watched a bunch of other similar films afterwards – The Taking of Pelham One Two Three, Eyewitness, Way of the Gun – instead of absorbing the disc’s multiple extras or watching any of the other DVDs I’m behind on. I also know that the plot of RS gets crazier and more unpredictable, capping it off with a serious detour into a pedophile ring, and has an ending in which practically everything happens at once. Still, I loved it, partially because of the intensity of Walker and the rest of the cast’s performances, and partially because of its visual creativity.

     

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    I watched the movie shortly after reading Ron Rosenbaum’s impassioned defense of Tony Scott in the New York Observer (no longer on line for free), and there is something of a Tony Scott feel to the film, which was directed, I learned at the end credits, by Wayne Kramer, who did The Cooler (the film was also co-produced by Brett Ratner). The film has other influences, intentional or not. There is a bit of Little Odessa, a smidge of Donnie Brasco, and The Cowboys is referred to explicitly when John Wayne buff Anzor (Karel Roden) strips off his shirt and is shot in the back where a Wayne image is tattooed (two of the bullets go right through Wayne’s eyes). To top it all off, I was surprised to learn that the film was shot in Prague, standing in for Newark. It’s so convincing (maybe it was all those wire fences) forum poster Bob Cashill was inspired to call Prague “the Lon Chaney of cities.”

     

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    Running Scared impresses but not so much for its violence which, after the opening scene, is fairly conventional, though of a quality increasingly rare in milquetoast Hollywood product. No, it’s not so much the violence as the intensity of the world portrayed, in which there at first appears to be no moral compass. Take the scene with Dez and Edele (Bruce Altman and Elizabeth Mitchell), the outlandish pedophiles for whom the whole movie makes a complete stop so as to explore their bizarre world and to dispense upon them street justice. A more traditionally plotted film would have dispensed with the passage (it would appear only as a deleted scene on the disc). And the sequence raises more questions than it offers satisfying revenge. How does the person who blows them away think it is a crime with a free pass, given the ‘phone calls and other evidence that would lead right to the killer? On the other hand, the exaggerated kids playground in which the couple dwell is another example of the fairy tale components that Kramer has inserted into the movie. The film works on three levels: hard edged thriller, fairy tale allegory, and visual storytelling. One question I had after the disc was done, however, went right to the heart of the film. Why is Joey so hot to find the gun? It makes sense at the start of the film, but as the narrative progresses and we learn more about Joey, it ceases to be a logical engine for the whole movie. You’ll see what I mean when you watch it. But don’t let that damper your pleasure in Running Scared.

     

     

    Game On! 6-23-2006

    Filed under: Game On! — admin @ 3:19 am

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    Hello there, gamers, and welcome to Game On!, your weekly dose of all things video games, from reviews, to news and commentary, to a look back of games gone by”¦all hosted by me, Ian Bonds, game guru to the stars. Well, ok, not really, I’m just a guy with a few too many video game systems and WAY too much free time, but you’ll get the gist of it eventually.

    If you’re new to Game On! and my way of reviewing titles, here’s the bit that I try to use to set me apart from you typical reviewers. I don’t “rate” games in the traditional way. Point systems and numbers bother me. Why assign a number to a game if you like it? Seems silly to me, and when you get into integers (5 point 6 this, 7 point 3 that) it just borders on ridiculous. That’s why, if I like a game you’ll be able to tell right away”¦from the look on my face. If I like it, I show it, if I don’t”¦well, it’s pretty obvious. Don’t let those things stop you from reading the reviews, however. If a game sucks, I’ll tell you it does, and exactly why”¦none of this “oh, it wasn’t that bad” bullshit. Likewise, if I dig on a game, I’m gonna tell you just why it needs to be in your library.

    Sounds simple enough, yes? Well, then let’s introduce (or reintroduce if you’ve been here before) you to the many faces of Ian.

     

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    From left to right, “Kickass”, “Right On”, “OK”, “Eh”, and “Stinker” (AKA “Craptacular”).

    These have been my way of expressing my love (or abject hatred) for a game”¦I hope you’ll come to know them (though I had wanted to update them from the days of MPS, but my camera was being a shit”¦)

    Now, with that out of the way, let’s get down with the reviews, shall we?

    TALES TO ASTONISH

    gameon_6-23-06_astonishia.jpgIt’s nice to see that the PSP is picking up a few more RPGs as of late”¦something that the DS is in dire need of. This past week, Ubisoft ported over the European adventure ASTONISHIA STORY, a tale about a knight on a quest”¦no, not quite that epic. It seems our young Lloyd (who names a knight Lloyd anyway?) has lost an important religious relic to a band of thieves and is the only knight who survives the attack. So, in order to redeem himself and avenge his mentor who was slain in the battle, he sets off to find the culprits and bring them to justice. Fairly simple.

    The main problem with Lloyd is that he seems to suffer from a hardcore case of ADD. As he quests to locate the evil elves that have wronged him, he also sets off and stops a band of bandits who’re robbing groups of travelers, rescues a kidnapped girl, collects missing baggage”¦all BUT actually working on his quest. That, and the fellow adventurers he meets along his way only stay with him enough for him to help them, then the skate off, happy that their agenda has been completed.

    Still, while he’s not off doing everything but what he’s supposed to, the game has it’s fun moments. Battle is a sort of “strategy-lite” style, with a turn-based battle system at its core. Players are free to move around their playing grid towards their foes, and can either attack, use items, skills, or just end their turns. There’s no limit to how many spaces you can move, if you move once and don’t attack or end the turn, you can move again until you’re positioned just right. Not that position will matter much, as surrounding your foes really won’t make a difference in the whole of the battles. From then on it’s just stale turn based hits, seeing who will die first from repeated blunt-force trauma.

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    The character sprites are pretty old school stylized, with bright colors and distinguishable characters throughout, though nothing that will rank among the hallmarks of the genre. Audio is fairly decent as well, though some sound effects seem to be a little out of place, and the minimal voice work is merely just a series of grunts or laughter.It’s definitely not the best RPG around, but despite its flaws, I had a good time playing it. It may not win any awards, but the few things it does right (interesting story despite the lead hero’s lack of attention, cool moves, simple and effective battle system) it does well enough to keep me playing. The use of a “save anywhere” feature also makes it an ideal game to play in short bursts. It’s a good handheld RPG, but just don’t expect too much depth.

    One Gamer’s Opinion:

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    (TABLE) TENNIS ANYONE?

    gameon_6-23-06_tabletennis.jpgWhen one thinks of Rockstar games, usually games of debauchery and violence come to mind. So it comes a bit of a surprise that the publisher’s first title for Xbox 360 harkens back to the days of Pong”¦albeit a bit more on the Next-Gen side of things. ROCKSTAR GAMES PRESENTS: TABLE TENNIS is a smooth playing, smooth looking title that explores the subtle nuances of Forest Gump’s favorite past time, and does just about everything well.

    The game’s main draw is the physics involved in the spin you place on the ball with each hit. The strategy here is one so deep and refined that the gamer almost feels themselves at the table, volley the ball back with the right amount of spin and force, hoping they don’t choke in the face of a harsh smash. I never thought I’d find a way to make Ping Pong sound exciting, but Rockstar has one upped me by actually making it worth playing.

    The game is fun, there’s no doubt there. The subtleties of each player’s attributes enhance the already stand-out gameplay physics. Each shot, each score, each defeat will feel and look as real as can be. Whoever thought dynamic cloth physics and sweat animation would be necessary in a table tennis game? While the game looks and sound fantastic, it plays like a dream, offering as many different serve and return options as the bigger court games.

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    The only real drawback here is that the player’s attributes don’t change over the course of the game. You can continually win match after match, but your stats will remain the same, so character selection is really around who has the best all-around skills, not about improving your player. This becomes even more apparent when playing online. Though the games are silky smooth and lag free, I often wound up against Liu Ping”¦even though I was Liu Ping. Also, the difficulty seems to ramp itself up unfairly depending on the circuit. Despite trumping his in the Amateur circuit, that damn Swedish douchebag Jesper manages to kill me every time in the Rookie circuit. Why are the swedes so damn good with a racket anyway?

    Regardless of my annoyance at that blond jerkface, there’s much to love here. It’s got an instant pick-up and play aesthetic to it, and would work great as a party game, or solely as an online title, for quick grudge matches and speedy tournaments. The lack of customization for your players or even a real career mode are a disappointment, but these can all be resolved in the sequel. Here’s hoping Ump is an unlockable character next time.

    One Gamer’s Opinion:

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    THE ALPHA MALE

    gameon_6-23-06_sfaanth.jpgOnce again, Capcom has answered the 2D fighting fan’s cries, and yet another collection from days gone by has graced our PS2. This time around, STREET FIGHTER ALPHA ANTHOLOGY collects every title from the sub-series’ history, and even includes a few extras to make the hardcore stand up and notice.

    For many, when the series transitioned to the ALPHA titles, the addition of the counters seemed to be most players favorites. For others, it was the new combo opportunities, or even the super meters. If you were a hardcore fighter in the arcade, you had to find the right version of the game that catered to your specific playing style. With this collection, Capcom has actually hidden each varied version and upgrade of each title on the disc, making it as complete as can be. From the immediately selectable ALPHA, ALPHA 2, ALPHA 2 GOLD, ALPHA 3 and SUPER GEM FIGHTER MINIMIX (released here in the states as POCKET FIGHTER) to the more subtle (and hidden) version numbers of each game (such as an early version of ALPHA 1 which contained a bug for a character’s unblockable highkick move). Also included are ALPHA 3 ARRANGED (unlockable when you beat ALHPA 3) and HYPER STREET FIGHTER ALPHA (a game where each individual version of each character is selectable, much like last year’s HYPER STREET FIGHTER II ANNIVERSARY EDITION, unlockable when you beat all 6 main games). To say that there’s something for every fighter’s taste would be a gross understatement.

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    My favorite, however, would probably be POCKET FIGHTER, as it’s cutesy characters and bizarre Gem influenced combos remind me of a weird hybrid of SUPER PUZZLE FIGHTER and the Capcom made MARVEL SUPER HEROES fighter. Simple attacks (only three buttons!) but crazy moves (even with costume switching in mid attack). Still, one can’t help but be impressed with ALPHA 3 either, with it’s “ISM” combo meters and huge variety of fighters – though, other than the four extra in ALPHA 3 ARRANGED, it contains only the arcade versions of the game, so many of the more recent extra characters aren’t included.

    For fighting fans, this one’s a no-brainer. There’s finally a collection of the best of the best, and the inclusion (albeit hidden) of those extra version numbers is a fantastic nod to the arcade elite. For newer players, they may not catch on right away, but as soon as they delve deep enough they’ll find no greater examples of 2D brawlers in their prime. Absolutely fantastic.

    One Gamer’s Opinion:

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    CRAPTACULAR GAME OF THE WEEK

    gameon_6-23-06_and1ball.jpgI may not be much of a sports player, video game wise, but I do enjoy the odd basketball game every now and then. Street ball is especially fun for me, and when I heard there was to be a licensed title based on the AND 1 ballers tour, I was thrilled. Sadly, the game that resulted from it is anything but thrilling. While games like NBA STREET or even NBA BALLERS use flashy moves and effects to punk players on the court, the real players who make it look so amazing have a really crappy game. Sure, all of the actual AND 1 players are here, with their signature moves”¦but why are they so damn hard to execute? First, press the right analog stick in a direction to perform a Level 1 juke or move. Then, after building the meter a bit, hit the LEFT analog stick in a direction AS well as the right. Yeah, the left stick”¦the one you’re moving your player with. Then, for the level 3 move, add the right trigger or shoulder button to that mix to perform a special move or anklebreaker move. Sound complicated? The game seems to think so too, as usually it won’t perform the move, just spin the player around in a circle while it tries to decipher your controler code for “bounce the ball off his head, spin it around your back, then dunk”. Even when just playing simply the game feels broken. Never have I faced one side of the court, thrown the ball in that direction, only to have it fly BEHIND me and go towards the opposite basket. It defies physics, even for a video game. Yeesh.

    One Gamer’s Opinion:

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    Gosh, with so much going on with the move from MPS to the new digs here at Quick Stop, I didn’t get as much done as I had hoped. Next week, I’ll be back with more reviews, including a look at DISNEY/PIXAR’S CARS, METAL GEAR SOLID: DIGITAL GRAPHIC NOVEL, THE MOVIES: STUNTS AND EFFECTS expansion and more. Until then, gamers, Game On!

    June 22, 2006

    Ken P. D. Snyde-Cast #10: Fortune Cookies

    Filed under: Ken P.D. Snydecast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:46 am

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    Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and FRED’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.

    Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.

    Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.

    VISIT THE SNYDECAST EXPERIENCE

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    KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #10: Fortune Cookies – What happens when two bitter friends reunite in a new location after months off, with tons of mail piled up, road trip stories, and deadly fortune cookies to tempt them?

    [CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

    DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
    Episode #10 (MP3 format)

    [audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/snydecast/ken_p_d_snyde_cast-10.mp3]

    SUBSCRIBE
    Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

    Got something to say? E-mail Dana & Ken at the Snydecast mailbag.

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    CLICK HERE FOR THE SNYDECAST ARCHIVES

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    The Fred Hembeck Show: Episode 62 – Network Switching

    Filed under: The Fred Hembeck Show — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:50 am

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    It happened to Leave It To Beaver, it happened to Taxi, it even happened to Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and now it’s happened to The Fred Hembeck Show as well!

    WHAT happened? Well, the three programs mentioned above each successfully switched networks during their illustrious runs, and we’re hoping that The Fred Hembeck Show can make a similar smooth transition as we move over to the brand spanking new Quick Stop Entertainment site after posting 61 previous episodes over at the IGN Comics page. We wish our old friends there well, and thank them for the opportunity to launch this weekly web extravaganza of ours. Happily, we’ll still be working under the keen stewardship of newly anointed Quick Stop maven, Ken Plume, and while we don’t plan any radical departures from what went before, there are a few new quirks now available to us due to the switcheroo:

    We can swear if we want to.

    “@#$%” generally works for me, so I’ll save the f word for those precious moments at home when my darlin’ daughter does something to REALLY get on my nerves!

    We can show a little skin!

    I guarantee you, though, the minute I decide it’s time to flash you my nipple, we’re ALL in trouble! So, don’t hold your breath…

    Most importantly, comics no longer have to be the focal point of every single episode! Oh, don’t worry – there’ll still be plenty of funnybook talk, but we’ll also be able to stray off into other areas of popular culture without having to go through any gyrations to force a comics connection onto the topic so as to make it palatable.

    And so, with that in mind – and in honor of Sir Paul’s recent 64th birthday – I’d like to share with you something plucked from the Hembeck.com archives (my home site, for you new readers) that I wrote over two years ago to mark the occasion of the fortieth anniversary of The Beatles initial appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show – which just coincidentally was the fortieth anniversary of the day I became a life-long fan!(Hey, look – Beaver, Buffy, Taxi – they all had summer reruns too, y’know! It’s a grand old tradition!)And now, on with our really big reminisce…On Saturday, February 8th, 1964, I was an 11 year-old boy, one who nurtured such a total disdain for the state of popular music as it then stood that my favorite singer was, by far, Al Jolson.

    That’s right, folks – the fellow who regularly got down on one knee, face blackened in the now dubiously regarded but nonetheless historic minstrel show tradition, and beseechingly sang to his poor “Mammy”! Hey please understand, the guy WAS the biggest star in the world at one time, y’know, even if he DID peak just as the Roaring Twenties morphed unmercifully into the Great Depression.

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    My dad always talked him up, y’see, and when television broadcast his bio-pic, “The Jolson Story”, well, that was a major event in the Hembeck household, lemme tell ya! I sat enchanted in front of the tube as a fellow by the name of Larry Parks, in best proto-Milli Vanilli mode, lip-synced the master’s bombastic crooning. Of course, a great deal of my initial fascination with the storied performer was directly due to his pivotal role in the history of American cinema: that being, namely his starring role in the very first full-length – if only partial – talking picture, 1927’s The Jazz Singer.

    Back in the early sixties, that still seemed like quite the notable accomplishment. A “Movies 101” gimme. Three and a half decades after the fact, it was still fresh enough in the collective consciousness to clearly be viewed as a landmark by many. Nowadays, however, the whole affair appears to have mostly been forgotten and/or ignored. Reports that the film was basically a fairly lugubrious melodrama with a few lines of dialog and a couple of songs thrown in probably didn’t aid in The Jazz Singer‘s long-term cinematic stature. And that embarrassing black-face make-up? I’d venture THAT probably didn’t help any either…

    But nearly 20 years later, 1946’s The Jolson Story was met with such surprising success upon its release that it not only revived the celebrated vaudevillian’s floundering career, but even spawned a sequel three years later entitled Jolson Sings Again! When the man long billed as “The World’s Greatest Entertainer” died a year afterwards, he went out on top, and left a large legend for future generations of admirers to conjure with. Admirers apparently like me. After all, how could I NOT be impressed? Besides breaking the sound barrier decades before Chuck Yeager, here was a guy with a life so big it took not one but TWO major motion pictures to tell his story? Louis Pasteur made do with one flick – for Jolson, they needed a pair! Now, I ask you – how could anyone or anything possibly top THAT, hmm?…

    Yes, Jolsonmania reigned in my own little corner of the world. My parents, life-long admirers of Lawrence Welk and musicians of his ilk, rarely if ever had their radio tuned to a station spewing out the wild and discordant sounds of rude, raucous rock and roll, and that was just fine with me. I held the entire scene in self-righteous contempt. On the one hand, I surmised, the music seemed to be the product of a group of wild men (Elvis, Chuck Berry, Little Richard, Jerry Lee Lewis, and their beat-crazy brethren, a gang I found vastly unappealing and even vaguely frightening), or conversely, pompadoured crooners mouthing inane lyrics at a mildly accelerated pace, all suspiciously named “Bobby”, their entire persona’s specifically aimed towards selling black vinyl to gullible pre-teen girls. Either way, I didn’t want anything at all to do with the whole misbegotten genre – and that was years before I even KNEW what the word “genre” meant, much less “misbegotten”!…

    Remarkably, up until the following Sunday afternoon, there were only a small handful of popular recordings that had somehow managed to register in my stubborn subconsciousness. My earliest musical memory? Elvis barking out “Hound Dog”. That’s a tough one to forget, friends. Why, at the oh-so-tender age of six, I can still distinctly recall thinking, geez, I’d sure never heard anything like THIS before! But perhaps being so young accounted for the impression left being substantially more negative than it was positive. Outside of “All Shook Up”, I don’t recall any of the King’s other classics wending their way deep into my cerebellum. Most of the other tunes that did manage to stick were novelty songs of one type or another…

    “Big Bad John”, sung with a grave solemness by future pork sausage tycoon, Jimmy Dean, made a lasting impression (I gave up ALL thoughts of pursuing a mining life, for instance…). And despite what’s been said over the ensuing years in regards to the, ahem, “hidden” drug references in “Puff The Magic Dragon”, I still have to fight back a tear every time I hear Peter, Paul and Mary sing of poor little Jackie Paper’s sad if inevitable demise. OTHER, um, emotions were stirred up whenever I heard Brian Hyland’s mildly salacious “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polkadot Bikini”, and the Rooftop Singers chart-topping “Walk Right In” was a perennial favorite as much for its innate catchiness as the for the cleverly modified lyrics the pint-sized Lenny Bruce’s in my neighborhood invariably came up with, ever hoping to liven up the rather pedestrian words!

    Not that I ever actually OWNED any of these records, mind you. I’d only gotten my very first portable record player a mere 53 weeks earlier as a gift for my tenth birthday. Inasmuch as my folks seemed pleased enough previously to rely totally on the radio for their source for all sounds melodic, it automatically doubled then as a valued component of the now-burgeoning Hembeck family music center. And let me explain something – the Hembeck family in general found the price of long-playing record albums – generally roundabout three bucks a pop in those days – to be, yes, prohibitively overpriced! Certainly, the accepted theory went, why waste money buying THOSE records when perfectly fine – albeit budget-price – knockoffs could be had for a paltry dollar a disc? Why plunk down the cash for the REAL Al Jolson disc when for but a third the cost, you could get yourself an LP featuring a perfectly decent sound-alike doing all his most famous numbers – AND blatantly made-up in black-face on the cover, too, to boot? Yup, it’s true – I never actually owned a TRUE Jolson recording! But somehow, after watching his life unfold in the guise of Larry Parks on the tube, the ersatz version sufficed. In fact, for that whole first year, our record collection was totally composed of cheaply priced analog’s of the era’s light sounds, with but one exceptional exception: Hayley Mills’ “Let’s Get Together”…

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    What can I say? I’d been hopelessly smitten with the adorable British lass ever since I’d seen her up on the big screen in 1961’s The Parent Trap, which was home to this tune’s first appearance. Apparently, the 45 RPM being a few years old by the time I moseyed along and gleefully snapped it up, it was most likely priced to move. That was just swell by me – it was a pleasant reminder of a rare if memorable afternoon spent sitting in a darkened movie theater, watching a tousle-haired goddess – times TWO! And, as it turned out, the song served as a portent of the future as well. Y’see, for those of you unaware of this now-mostly forgotten Disney ditty, sung by the English actress, the catchy chorus cheerfully repeats the phrase, “Let’s get together, yeah, yeah, yeah!…” over and over.

    I share all this seemingly extraneous detail with you so as to better present a sense of just precisely where I was coming from early in 1964. How, despite the fact that this oddly monikered group of mop-topped musicians had a record perched at the summit of the charts – a little something called “I Want To Hold Your Hand” – I could still be willfully ignorant of most everything concerning this latest overblown craze, save for perhaps a vague if begrudging acknowledgment on my behalf of their very existence. I knew about ’em – I just didn’t want to KNOW about ’em, dig? Rock and roll music was for juvenile delinquents, and pop music was for girls, and I felt absolutely no desire to be the slightest bit interested in either. But y’know, even the formidable barrier of close-mindedness that a pre-teen boy is all too capable of erecting can be breached if its pummeled often and long enough…

    It all started when my dad brought home the Sunday papers that cold February afternoon. For reasons lost to the mists of time, besides his three standard purchases – the Sunday Daily News, Newsday, and the Long Island Press – he also brought home a copy of the soon to be defunct Journal American (at least, I THINK that’s what it was…). Floating up above the paper’s logo was a cartoony drawing of four shaggy heads of hair – sans the heads! This provocative illustration, shilling for an article found within heralding the English lads American debut that very evening on the Ed Sullivan program, somehow snared my attention and soon weaseled its way deep into my imagination. For the first time, I paused for a moment and truly wondered just what all this fuss about these four long-haired musicians from the U.K. was really all about…

    Though it may be exceedingly difficult for those of you who weren’t there at the time to fathom, something ultimately as trivial as the length of these Beatle-boy’s hair was more than enough to intrigue many a usually uninterested observer, myself definitely included. EVERYONE, man and boy alike, maintained a short hairstyle in the early sixties. Even our popular westerns heroes, proliferating as they were all over the tube at the time, had nary a stray lock hanging out of place under their ten-gallon hats, flying totally in the face of historical evidence that indisputably proved otherwise. We were, simply put, an uptight, regimented, buzz-cut culture. And here were four young men armed with the sheer audacity to literally let their hair down – hey, how could I NOT be intrigued?

    But still I was ambivalent. I felt I needed more evidence. After all, if it was just an outrageous image they were selling, well, for THAT, I really didn’t need to get involved. Instead, I was curious to see how their music shaped up. Now, in retrospect, I suppose I could’ve merely flicked on the AM radio and found any number of Beatles tunes giddily streaming out of the speaker, but I wasn’t nearly hip enough to the process at that point to conceive that plan of action. I never actually listened to THOSE stations, y’see, so it just didn’t occur to me at the time. I thought instead of my next door neighbors, the McGuiness family. My little pal John was three years younger than I was, and had even less use for this whole music scene than I did, but I was reasonably sure his two older sisters didn’t feel the same way. After checking with him, it turned out that his oldest sister, Jane, did indeed own a Beatles record. So, after some mild cajoling, he convinced her to lend it to me briefly. I’d give it a spin, sorta taking it out for what amounted to a test run…

    No, it WASN’T “I Want To Hold Your Hand”, but rather the tune that would soon enough take the Liverpudlians to the top of the American Pop Charts for a second – though hardly last – time – “She Loves You”. Initially issued on the tiny Swan label, I took the small 45, inserted my handy-dandy adapter into the center hole, dropped the needle onto the opening groove, and sat back, listening with great interest…

    I liked what I heard. A lot.

    There was a freshness to the sound, a palpable sense of joy that, emanating as it was from a barely serviceable set of speakers, nonetheless projected upon me the most profound musical impression my ears had yet to encounter. But, tough sell that I was, I still wasn’t thoroughly convinced. Anybody can get lucky ONCE, I calmly surmised. So, I turned the record over. Now, even given the meager state of my singles collection up to that point, I was well aware that the B-side of most any record was little more a throw-away, and I had yet to come across one that’d had any sort of lasting impact. I wondered, then, what would happen when I flipped THIS disc over…

    The tune in question was “I’ll Get You”. Now, gazing back on things from the vantage point of four accumulated decades, this minor composition hardly stands out in the Lennon-McCartney canon, even when measured against just their earliest recordings. There’s a sing-song like quality to the chorus that, let’s face it, hardly screams out, “Rock and Roll”! The fact is, I rarely recall it getting much, if any airplay, even in those heady months of wall-to-wall Beatlemania that followed the Sullivan gig. And yet, and yet…

    When I listened to it for the first time, following directly in the wake of the justly more famous “She Loves You”, I was immediately charmed! Slight though it may’ve been, it nonetheless exuded a gleeful sincerity that was hard to deny. After but a single spin, I found myself happily muttering the chorus to myself. “I’ll get you, I’ll get you in the end, yes I will, I’ll get you in the end, oh yeah, oh yeah” – oh YEAH, they got me in the end, all right!…

    You all have a pretty good idea what happens next, right? After returning to its rightful owner this little piece of black plastic that had effectively changed my young life, like millions of others, I sat down in front of my TV set later that landmark evening and tuned into the Ed Sullivan Show to watch, transfixed, as the Beatles took the country by storm by sheer force of their youthful exuberance and spirited musicianship. And they didn’t even play “I’ll Get You”!!…

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    The transformation was immediate and complete – from that point on, Al Jolson truly WAS history, as I, like so many others of my generation, had found our collective voice in this charismatically talented quartet from across the sea…

    Soon after, I went out and sprung for my first fully priced 45, “I Want To Hold Your Hand” backed with yet ANOTHER even more brilliant B-side, “I Saw Her Standing There”. Needless to say, I played it over and over and over AND over!! I vividly recall getting up early one morning – never a happy chore for moi, I assure you – just so that I could give this precious piece of plastic a few extra spins before trudging off to school that otherwise-dreary day. Not long afterwards, I became the proud owner of one of those new-fangled tiny transistor radios, the dial of which was ALWAYS tuned in to NYC’s WABeatleC – and NEVER far from my ear!

    And since the DJs only played Beatles music about, oh, roughly seventy per cent of the time, I soon learned there was a lot more to pop music than “Puff the Magic Dragon”, a WHOLE lot more! Early Rock and Roll, it turned out, was actually pretty exciting, once you developed a taste for it! And did I EVER! Even more amazing, it turned out that some of those Bobbys were actually pretty talented (Bobby Vee, Bobby Darin), some were sorta tolerable (Bobby Vinton), and some, well, some were NEVER heard from again after the sun came up on February 10th (Bobby Rydell – seriously, now, has anybody EVER heard one of the many alleged hits he chalked up prior to that fateful night? I never heard any of them played subsequently as oldies, even on stations that regularly pumped Fabian’s warblings out into the ether of the airwaves…)! The Beatles, simply put, opened my eyes – AND my ears – to so very much. It’s almost inconceivable to me that my wavering decision to reluctantly approach them with an open mind hinged on the chance purchase of a stray Sunday newspaper AND the modest merits of a quaint little B-side entitled “I’ll Get You”!?!…

    THAT’S how my life-long devotion – some might say “obsession” – to John, Paul, George, and Ringo began. That’s how I met the Beatles. The story hardly stopped there, however. To quote the first words uttered on the silver screen long-ago by my erstwhile singing idol, “You ain’t heard NOTHIN’ yet!” and indeed, folks, we hadn’t.

    But ANOTHER time for those tales, worry not…

    And that’s all for this week friends, but you can always find more of me over at

    Hembeck.com, on Fred’s MySpace Page, or you can contact me directly by going here. If you’re looking for porn, well, you’re on your own, pal – and no, I’m STILL not gonna show you my nipple! Although, who knows what’ll happen NEXT week, so I guess you’d all better come back, huh?

    Copyright 2006 Fred Hembeck

    Music For The Masses

    Filed under: Music for the Masses — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:48 am

     

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    Hello again, friends and. . .umm, Pearl Jam fans.  Long time, no see!  I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you had little snippets of that Streisand/Diamond song running through your head. . .”You don’t bring me flowers, you don’t sing me love songs.”Â  Yeah, sorry about that, but I gotta tell you, the move to the new site was a bitch.  The trucking company got lost, the china hutch was scratched and those damn movers dropped a couple of my Humel’s.  But hey. . .all minor inconveniences because check out this place!  What do you think of the classy, new digs, huh?  Pretty damn “shi-shi,” don’t you think?  Of course, I’m going to have to ask you to leave your shoes at the door, remember to flush and for the love of all that is holy, keep your grubby mitts to yourself.  You break it, you buy it.

    So, now that we have THAT out of the way, the new powers that be here at the “˜Shoo. . .er, “˜Stop, felt that a re-introduction might be in order.  So bear with me as I tell you a little bit about myself.  For starters, my name is M.C. and I’m an ex-radio DJ living in Colorado, or, as people on the coasts like to call it, “one of those fucking red states.”Â  I’ve been told that I have the attention span of a retard in a room full of rubber balls (Love you, mom!!!) and I like to write about music.  Why do I like to write about music?”Â  Easy.  I do it for the children. . . like these little whipper-snappers. . .

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    That’s odd. . . I thought dogs buried bones in the yard.

    Sweet enough to give you cavities, huh?

    My “turn-on’s” include finger puppets, “ass-play,” progressive metal, Brazilian “fart” porn, the Beatles, amputees, the “Manchester sound” and Spiderman Underoos ®.  Turn off’s are line dancing, “creative” facial hair, Clay Aiken, the name “Dave,” anything with pork in it, bukaki, message board music snobs and bands named Coulier.  Oh yeah, and I’m a Virgo. . .but please don’t hold that against me.  I just haven’t found the right girl, yet.

     

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    Just so we’re clear. . .THIS is the right girl.

    For fun, I play beer league hockey, the guitar and “with myself.”Â  I have an extensive comics collection and I’ve seen “Raiders of the Lost Ark” 23 times. . .3 of those times, I was what the “squares” like to call “sober.” My secondary goal, (the main being, of course, to become a Mormon prophet), is to inform you of some new releases, from bands both big and small, in a slightly different, and  unconventional way. . .umm, in case you haven’t figured that out yet.  In other words, don’t you be comin’ into ma’ house an’ expectin’ yo’ mamma’s reviews.  *SNAP!!*  Unh unh!

    Oh yeah, and if I say something about a band you like that offends you?  Relax.  We’re here to have fun and don’t forget that these are just my opinions.  And you know what they say about opinions, don’t you?  That’s right. . .they’re like assholes.  This is my asshole.  Enjoy it, but go slow.  My safety word is “Banana.”

    So, friends, both new and old, what do you say?  Ready to jump back in?  Fantastic!  We have a couple of new discs for you to check out below, one reviewed by yours truly and the other is from a new, regular, co-contributer climbing on board, A.A. (yes, like the support group).  Double A will be handling the world of rap. . .whoops!. . .I mean, hip hop, mostly to give the kids something to read, and any menial chores that I can dream up.  For instance, I was just noticing today that my toe nails are getting AWFULLY long.  Basically, you can consider him the “Choda Boy” to my “Orgazmo.”Â  Good Stuff.

     

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    We are also going to shoot for making this a weekly column, but I gotta be honest with you.  There’s a better chance of Ellen going straight, so we’ll see.

    But enough about all that.  You folks ready?  Good. . .let’s check out some “newish” releases.

     

    m4m-june22-g_guots.jpg Artist: Guster
    Album: Ganging Up On The Sun 
    Bastard Love Child of: World Party and the Beach Boys 
    Best for: Doing keg laps and drinking from a “beer bong” at the Tri-Delt mixer.

     

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    Guster:  Backstage in preparation for their “Puppetry of the Penis” audition.

    If you would have come up to me a few years ago and told me that you had a “cool band with two acoustic guitars and a bongo” for me to check out,  I would have told you to “lay off the pot, you patchouli-smelling freak.”Â  Then I would have grabbed you by your dreads© and beaten the Patagonia® out of you with your own Birkenstock®.  However, if you quickly told me, in between swings, that the band you were referring to was Guster, I would have immediately picked you up, “dusted” you off as best I could and offered you a chai to quench your cotton-mouth and a clove cigarette.   I would have looked at you and said, with tears welling in my eyes, “Sorry, dirty hippy. . .I just assumed. . .”

    Seriously, when I first heard of this band, from a buddy who used that very same “two dudes on acoustics and a guy with bongo’s” description, I was thinking to myself “You gotta be fucking kidding me” and thoughts of tie-dyed, hacky-sackin’ hula hoopers danced through my head.  “Kumbaya, muva’ sucka’!!!”Â  But my friend insisted that the band rocked, in a decidedly non-hippy way, and drug me, against my will, to see them at the Winter Park Music fest.  That was 6 years ago, friends, and I have been thanking him ever since because that one show blew my mind.  Guster’s live set that day was amazing and hilarious and their music was IMMEDIATELY accessible.  In fact, I have been a huge fan of them ever since and I will fully admit that I love this band.  And yes, smart ass, I would marry them. . .if I lived in Canada, but I don’t.  We’ve already covered that.

      

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    Of course, today, die hard fans will tell you that they hardly recognize the college band from Tufts who, more than a decade ago, first “wowed” fans by unleashing their quirky sense of humor and the Thunder God, Brian Rosenworcel, on unsuspecting audiences.  Good lord, friends, believe me when I tell you that this guy can beat the shit out of the skins. . .kinda like Yanni, only replace the word “skins” with “wife.”Â  However, each subsequent studio release, from Lost and Gone Forever, to the latest, Ganging Up On The Sun, has seen Brian beat it less with his hand and more with a stick as the bongo has been slowly replaced with an acoustic kit.  Hell, I can’t recall hearing a whole lot of bongo on the new disc.  Let me check again. . .wait a minute. . .there’s some hiding on the new disc’s second track, “Satelite.”Â  Tap, tap. . .tappity tap.

    But as we have learned here at the site, change can be good, and in the case of the new disc, Ganging Up On The Sun, change is fantastic. . .especially when that “change” comes courtesy of multi-instrumentalist, co-producer and fourth, honorary band member, Joe Pisapiai.  Joe is one talented motha’. . .shut yo’ mouth!. . .and his impact on the band and their music has been both immediate and undeniable.  A few trips through the disc and it’s easy to discern that the melodies are more clean, the harmonies more rich, the arrangements more tight and the sound, overall, more memorable.  In fact, that is one of my favorite things about this disc. . .it rewards repeated listenings by giving you something new each time;  new hook here, a clever lyric there. . .a hint of bongo over there.
     

    Highlights on this disc are the flat-out, sister-pumpin’, country rocker, “The Captain,” the straightforward, harmony-laced, first single, “One Man Wrecking Machine” and the epic-length “Ruby Falls.”Â  I will admit, the album grinds to a halt on the weak and weary “Empire State” (Track 9) and fails to regain any steam as the bands penchant for pig-blapping you with the mighty hook wanes.  But who really cares?  Bad Guster still trumps most of the crap out there today.  Good job, Guster, but next time. . .MORE BONGO!!!

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    Yanni says: “Buy Guster or you’ll make Yanni angry.  You wouldn’t like Yanni when he’s angry.”

    Rating:  4 out of 5

    AND NOW. . .A WORD FROM DOUBLE A. . .  

    m4m-june22-ic_lncl.jpg Artist: Ice Cube 
    Album: Laugh Now, Cry later 
    Bastard Love Child of: Loretta Lynn and Roy Orbison? 
    Best for: Pourin’ a little on the curb fo’ yo’ dead hommies.

     

    What’s this?  Are your eyes deceiving you?  Could this be an actual review of a rap album?  While your eyes maybe playing tricks on you (yes, I know what you were doing before you clicked over here) this is an honest to Zeus hip hop review.  Are you ready?  Got your seat belt on?  You know, they have all those “Click It Or Ticket” things going on now.  So, here we go.

    It’s been 6 years, and 9 movies, since Ice Cube released a full length album, and to be honest his last effort, War & Peace the Peace Album, wasn’t exactly what most people have come to expect from the world of Cube.  There were a few good tunes on the disc, but it really seemed that Mr. Cube had lost a step on the whole rap game.  Perhaps it was his role in Anaconda that messed him up for a bit.  I know when I wrestle with my giant snake every night I’m always left traumatized.

    But now, with the release of Laugh Now, Cry Later, Ice Cube is once again good for something other than making a tasty beverage cool and refreshing.  The key to this album is a return to what made Ice Cube great in the first place.  Unapologetic, hard core gangster rap.  This album is probably not for the Ice Cube fans that most fondly remember him like this”¦

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    Or like this”¦

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    Ice, shaking hands with the President.
     

    No, this is an album for the straight up rap fans.  Believe me, if your kid thought Ice Cube was funny in “Are We There Yet?” stay away from this album.  Well, I mean you could get it for your kid.  Just don’t get mad at me when your kid starts dropping “F” bombs like a Pearl Jam fan sending e-mails to MC.  But I digress”¦

    Laugh Now, Cry Later is pretty tight from start to finish.  I would even go as far as to say it’s as tight as Queen Latifa’s wardrobe in her last movie, but I never saw it, so that would only be conjecture on my part.  The album starts off with the obligatory introduction and at times meanders through the even more obligatory “rap disc skit” but for the most part, every song on the disc is good.  From the first single “Why We Thugs” to the last song “Holla @ Cha’ Boy,” there are really no fast forward songs on the disc.  The highlights of this album are the previously mentioned, anthem like “Why We Thugs” and “Doin’What It “˜Pose 2Do.”Â  Guest stars like Snoop Dog and Lil Jon only help things along.  The beats are good, the flows are tight (resisting urge to make another Queen Latifa joke, resisting”¦urge”¦) and overall this is a great album that is sure to get Ice Cube back to his rightful place near the top of the rap hierarchy.

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    Now for the bad business.  Listening through this album, one cant help but think of how far Ice Cube has come.  Back in the day of NWA and his album Lethal Injection listeners had the feeling that Ice Cube probably did the things that he was rapping about.  But with his recent movies, some of the lyrics on Laugh Now, Cry Later, just seem, well, laughable.  I’m not saying that they are hokey or anything, just that Ice Cube has lost a bit of his street cred over the years, and hearing lines about “busting gats” and all his baby mammas just don’t jive with the Ice Cube that we will certainly remember like this”¦

    Rating:  4 out of 5 stars

    LOOK, UP IN THE SKY!!!  IT’S A BIRD! A PLANE! A CONTEST!!!

    “Easy, Miss.  I’ve got you.”

    “You’ve got me?? Who’s got YOU!?

    What better way to celebrate the re-launch of this site, than some free schwag, huh?  The fine folks at Rhino Records and CineMedia (Thanks, Beth!!) are offering up some copies, 5 to be exact, of the soundtrack to possibly the biggest movie to drop this summer that doesn’t have a pirate in it.  That’s right, friends. . .Supreman Returns.  Here is little description of this gem:

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    “The thrilling and dramatic score from Superman Returns, the highly anticipated film featuring the Man of Steel’s latest heroic adventure, arrives in stores June 27, with nearly an hour of music from award-winning composer John Ottman (Fantastic Four, X2). The score album will be enhanced with an exclusive video interview with the film’s director, Bryan Singer (X2: X-Men United, X-Men, The Usual Suspects), a featurette on the making of the score and two trailers for the film.

    Recorded with a 97-piece orchestra led by conductor Damon Intrabartolo, SUPERMAN RETURNS: ORIGINAL MOTION PICTURE SCORE features Ottman’s epic score including his unique twists on themes that John Williams composed for the original 1978 film, such as the classic main theme, “Superman March.” Superman Returns stars newcomer Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth, Parker Posey and Kevin Spacey. Released by Warner Bros. Pictures, the film will open nationwide on June 30.”

    I honestly can’t tell you how cool it is to hear this disc kick off with Ottman’s take on William’s original score from the first movie.  Good stuff.  So, I’m sure you’re sitting there now, scratching your. . .umm, head, and wondering how you can win one of these.  Simple.  While cleaning up aged dog turds in your backyard, you happen upon, what you believe to be, a chunk of Kryptonite.  Send me an email with the subject, SUPERMAN, and tell me the color and what effect it has on Supes.  The 5 most creative entries win.  Pretty simple, huh?  Have fun with this one and good luck!!

    Well, friends, that is going to do it for this week.  Hope you had fun!  Until next time, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!

    Send rubber balls, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:

    M.C. Bell
    P.O. Box 1222
    Arvada, CO 80001

    E-MAIL ME

    Check us out at the Scoop News!

     

     

    Noctural Admissions: Opus Dei For Night

    Filed under: Nocturnal Admissions — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:24 am
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    -By D.K. Holm

    Nocturnal Admissions is back, and after a two week or so hiatus, while the site made the transition from MoviePoopShoot to QuickStopEntertainment, there are a lot of odds and ends to catch up on.

    ebertcoverFor example, on June 16th, Roger Ebert dropped out of sight again to undergo further surgery on a recurrent problem, a cancerous growth in his salivary gland. In the introduction to one of his recent yearly compilations, Ebert wrote movingly of his disease and its impact on his job and on his spirit. Ebert has been a friend to this site in the past, and I wish him well. Curiously, I’ve become something of a “defender” of Ebert of late. Here’s the background. When I was younger, and Ebert was first on national TV (on PBS), finding the Pulitzer Prize winning writer’s columns wasn’t so easy, so in evaluating the man all one had to go on was the prize itself and his TV persona, in which he was, then anyway, aggressive, smart, and with a debater’s cunning for his opponent’s weak spots. Only later, when his annual review compilations began to appear, and then with the advent of the WWW, could a curious reader not living in Chicago, or with access to cumbersome library copies of the Sun Times, dive into his prose. Thus in recent years I’ve become quite a fan of Ebert the daily journalist. At the risk of insulting the TV Ebert, the print Ebert is a much better reviewer than the TV version would lead you to think  

    On the page he is expansive, generous, confessional, and politically forthright, and has that quality so rare in writers of any kind, common sense. In the past four or five years I get his annuals, issued by Andrews McMeel Publishing in November, and read them from the beginning to (I hope) end while in the bath or going to bed. I go as far as I can, anyway (the next edition usually beats me to the end; I’m only in the “D”s for 2006 and the year’s half over). This immersion in the work of a reviewer is the true test of a reviewer. Can you read the old material with the same urgency and appreciation now that it had then? Does the style in such large gulps wear on you? Though the answer to the first question is “no” when asked of, say, the terribly overrated and sentimentalized James Agee, with Ebert it is yes; and while the answer to the second question is “yes” when it comes to the dread Pauline Kael (Ebert would never use thephrase “dread” of a fellow reviewer, live or dead), for reading Ebert’s style in large doses the answer is “No,” it doesn’t wear on you. It is plain prose that lasts, which isn’t to say that Ebert doesn’t occasionally have the memorable flourish or the odd joke (good phrase: a barber shop in a movie serves as a place where “daily soap operas are played out to loud acclaim or criticism”; good joke: on Dirty Dancing: “I thought the plot was a clunker assembled from surplus parts at the Broken Plots Store”). 

    One knock against Ebert I’ve heard in conversations with friends is that he is too easy on African-American films and actors. Though that may be true of the TV Ebert, the print Ebert is fair and often quite hard on films that displease him. But it is true that he is much nicer in print in general than people seem to take him to be, especially Hollywood types. In fact, the individual ratings for films really only make sense (to me, anyway) if you knock them all down a star. My only complaint against his books, which annually come in at just under 1000 pages, is that the movies are offered up alphabetically instead of chronologically. I wish in the future he would either re-print them in order of publication, or post the actual release date of each film (instead of just the year), or add an appendix that re-lists all the films in chronological order. But that’s just me. In any case, it is testimony to the nature of the times that Ebert must be “discovered” as the fine writer and thinker he really is.   

     

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    The Closer is back on the tube and it has grown to be one of my favorite crime shows. It’s partially because Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson, as played by Kyra Sedgwick, is a very interesting character, but also because the individual mysteries are in and of themselves quite clever (the show was created by James Duff of Popular, Wolf Lake, and The Agency fame), and it is the latest in a minor genre that is one of my favorites, the “interrogation” genre. Most of John LeCarré’s novels revolve around a detailed and lengthy interrogation, and the movies A Pure Formality, Closet Land, and Under Suspicion (and its progenitor, Garde à vue) are extended interrogations and they allow moreso than in other genres for nuance, detailed and subtle variations in acting tones, and essays on the nature of truth. Johnson is the show’s “closer,” a cop version of Jerry Maguire, the big gun they pull out at the end to seal the deal. These scenes are finely etched. But there is another link that The Closer has, unofficial though it may be. It’s an Americanized version of one of my favorite periodic British TV shows, Prime Suspect. Even some of the male cop sexist pigs Johnson encounters in her job are replicas of the pigs (in both senses of the word) that Helen Mirren’s undermining nemesis, Otley (Tom Bell), has his replicant in The Closer‘s Det. Lt. Provenza (G.W. Bailey), though Provenza can’t not be a cop at times, and helps her our. Like most good shows, The Closer is perfectly cast, from Ox-alum J.K. Simmons to that essence of hard-bitten seen-it-all cops, straight-to-video king Tony Denison as Flynn.

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    What a difference a Dei makes! I was unprepared for how truly bad The Da Vinci Code was when I finally caught up with it. It was not only a bad movie with terrible dialogue (Her: “Ease eat possible?” Him: It’s not impossible”) that also squandered its budget and location, and cursed with long scenes of talking interrupted by scenes of driving, wherein both the camera swoops and glides hysterically in the manner David Bordwell so well describes in his latest book The Way Hollywood Tells It. It is also no Inquisitor. What’s that you say? Never heard of The Inquisitor?

    inquiscoverBack in the 1970s there was a vogue for “mechanic” novels, thrillers in which an operative acted outside the law to thwart crime and communism. The first was Don Pendleton’s The Executioner series, in which Mack Bolen methodically took out the Mafia around the world in vengeance for the accidental death of his family. This was followed by Wayne Murphy and Richard Sapir’s The Destroyer, featuring ex-Jersey cop Remo Williams, which appears to be the most popular and most long lasting. But the best of the genre was The Inquisitor, a delightful series about the Pope’s hitman, who, after every assignment, had to do penance in the dungeons of Vatican City (killing remains a sin, you see). Though there were only a few in the series – The Devil in Kansas, The Last Time I saw Hell, Nuplex Red, His Eminence, Death and The Midas Coffin – they were funny, a highly satiric take on the “mechanic” genre and of at contemporary culture itself (although the Destroyer series has its satiric edge). Though credited to Simon Quinn, Inquisitor books were really written by a very young Martin Cruz Smith,       

    Dan Brown’s novel is part of a long tradition in popular American fiction, from Moby Dick to James Michener, the novel as technical manual. Tom Clancy is the highest current living perpetrator of this style of novel. Books in this mode must be big and fat and tell you how to do simple and complex things, such as how to drain a whale of blubber or navigate the icy depths of the Bering Straight. These books revel in providing the reader with the fruits of the author’s research. Every once in a while a novel like Da Vinci Code comes along, and within living memory they have included Love Story, The Godfather, Jaws, and The Exorcist, books that everybody seemed to be reading or have read and that at the same time the elites hated. There is a secret to all these books that I am loath to expose, but they all became very popular movies.

    The point is, though, that they were mostly good movies, era defining movies, career announcing movies. Da Vinci (shouldn’t it be the Leonardo Code? [Da Vinci means a place of birth, and isn’t a name]) is none of these things (a career ender, maybe). Nothing in it is clear. Who are the bad guys? What did she say? What does the end mean?

    Owen Gleiberman of Entertainment Weekly raises the good questions in his blog commentary on the film, noting that the movie changes he book significantly, mostly in leaving out “Dan Brown’s ultimate thesis about the evolution of Christianity – i.e., its suppression of the ”sacred feminine.” In the movie, the notion that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married and had descendents is the cornerstone of the conspiracy. The Church, as presented, is guilty of covering up a fact – the human proof of Christ’s bloodline. That, of course, is true in the novel as well, yet what gets muddled, if not lost, in the movie is the spiritual significance of Christ’s having been married. Throughout the novel, Dan Brown uses the lighting-rod issue of Christ-as-husband to ask, in a far more general and embracing way, What happened, over the course of two millennia, to women in the church? Were they ever more central? Why did goddess culture – an undisputable truth of history – fade?”

    Some time in the late 1970s or very early 1980s, Saturday Night Live did a parody of 60 Minutes or at least the Andy Rooney part, with a NRFPT Player (Joe Piscopo? Al Franken?) slumped at a desk, huge eyebrows quivering, and asking the camera in great anger, “Have you thought about shoes lately?!” The opening salvo capture perfectly the banality, the false whimsy, the unfocused crotchetiness, What we really didn’t know was that Andy Rooney really isn’t a humorist, because he doesn’t have a sense of humor, as shown in the way he reacted to Ali G.’s attempt at an interview with him. I assume that a humorist requires a sense of humor but perhaps I’m being optimistic. In any case, Rooney reversed the usual order of parody on Sunday, June 4th, by dedicating his segment to “¦ shoes, reaching finally after 20-some years the depths of banality that SNL had unknowingly predicted for him. His rage at shoes. Their expense. Their ugliness. The fact that they accumulate (he hauled all his shoes over from his no doubt expensive abode in order to prove this). And so forth. The segment wasn’t funny. But then, Rooney never is. It wasn’t insightful, or whimsical, or even quotable (the collected wit of Andy Rooney is a slim, if existent, volume).

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    as anyone else noticed how the Dodge Caliber commercial (titled “Too Tough”) has been censored or edited? This is the commercial where the cute Tinkerbelle clone is raising havoc in a city trying to change things into child’s toy versions of themselves. She meets her match in the Dodge Caliber, which bounces her spells back at her till she collapses in defeat. When a street tough laughs at her, deriding her as a “stupid fairy,” she “taps” him into a sweater garbed Fire Island denizen with four Pekinese instead of White Supremacist with an attack dog (I know I don’t have the breed quite right here”).

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    However, since that commercial has first aired, the “Stupid fairy” line has been excised. Or at least is often excised (sometimes late at night the whole text is there). Sometimes its there and sometimes it’s not. Did a gay rights group protest, or did the commercial suddenly seem offensive to the car company when they finally saw it on TV?

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    While on hiatus from QuickStop-to-be, I wrote an exhaustive and exhausting (to read) review of John Ford’s The Searchers over at the DVDJournal.com.

     

     

    Tales from the Toybox: Wolverine vs. Sabretooth

    Filed under: Shopping Guides — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:17 am

    -By Ken Plume 

    toyboxtales-20060622-01.jpgIn a rivalry spanning decades (and a backstory that seems to change depending on which direction the editorial wind happens to be blowing that day), Wolverine and Sabretooth have been among the top tier of “classic” Marvel match-ups.

    Sideshow Collectibles has chosen these two combatants to inaugurate their Marvel “VS” series of polystone dioramas. Standing over a foot tall (and nearly as wide), it’s an impressive piece of sculpture that can’t help but draw your attention ““ I mean, the thing is friggin’ huge.

    Limited to an edition size of 1500, this little piece of sculptural tussle will set you back $250.  

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    International Intrigue: The 10 Best Foreign Films Of the ’90s

    Filed under: International Intrigue — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:16 am
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    -By Alison Veneto

    Welcome to my first Quick Stop Entertainment version of International Intrigue. I can only imagine it’ll be quite similar to the Movie Poop Shoot version, but anything is possible. Perhaps the changeover will make me more clever and intelligent. We can dream anyway.

    An introduction for any newbies who have drifted to our fine new shores — as your deductive reasoning may have already figured out this is where I write about the foreign films. A quick look through the archives when are they are brought over will show you that this largely means always talking about films from Asia and pretty much never talking about films from other continents except occasionally Europe. But I always do my best to cover what you want to know about based on your e-mails and now your posts (I’m sure a link somewhere at the bottom will direct you to my shiny new section of the forum).

    Since the newbies do not know about my tendency to have some of the longest columns on the site, I’ll try to keep to the spirit of “˜quick stop’ and write columns slightly shorter than a Russian novel so you can read them in one sitting instead of over the course of a number of hours. Although all this pre-column blabber is not helping me any, so let’s get on with it:

    The Top 10 Foreign Films Of The 1990s.
    And let’s start right off with controversy shall we? Every time one makes a list of any sort, the amount of angry people always manages to out-number the amount of satisfied ones. Obviously it’s all a matter of taste. But a lot of people who are not well schooled in the ways of foreign films often have trouble knowing where to start. And at the very least, I’m going to try to help with that. Here’s a list of where to begin your education so you can impress all your friends at tea parties.

    (I’m going to wuss out on numbering them and just go alphabetical):

    AFTERLIFE (Japan)
    Japan had some really great movies in the 90s and it was hard to pick (I ended up naming two). They’re all very diverse — from Anime like Ghost In The Shell, to horror like The Ring to comedy like Shall We Dance? or drama like Fireworks. But now to talk about Afterlife. This film shows us a purgatory of sorts, where go when you die, and watch videotapes of your life. It’s a very quiet, simple kind of film but that’s what makes it so affecting. It’s one of those films that stays with you days later. And gives you a very pleasant feeling just watching it.

    AUDITION (Japan)
    I think director Takashi Miike is a genius. All of his films are really about something, usually intelligent analogies on Japanese society. Also, all of his movies are absurdly entertaining (or entertaining in their absurdity perhaps). The problem I have with him though is that since he makes a million movies a year and makes them very quickly, they don’t always look technically very good. But AUDITION is an exception. An impeccably filmed movie in which the topic of female repression in Japanese society is played out with sadist horror. The film might be a bit hard to sit through as there are very intense scenes of torture, but it reminds me of a time when horror was a genre for exploring questions like these.

    CHARACTER (Netherlands)
    This film, the winner of Best Foreign Film at the Oscars in 1998, is often forgotten now. Director van Diem creates a fantastic world for his family drama. A revenge tale that deftly weaves otherwise-tired conventions and themes in a unique way. The oft used themes of which I speak include the office as a machine and the Oedipus complex among others, but it all seems somewhat fresh here. And in the end, it is of course a “˜character’ study. But what really stands out is the moody look of Rotterdam van Diem creates as his tale unravels. The film is most easily compared to the works of great writers like Kafka and Dickens. You may not always know what is going on, but you’ll probably still enjoy it, at least until you realize how depressing it all is.

    FAREWELL MY CONCUBINE (China)
    It’s no secret that of director Chen Kaige’s films I think TEMPTRESS MOON is the best (if not one of the best films ever made). But for the purposes of this list I’m going to jump on the bandwagon and suggest the easier-to-get film FAREWELL MY CONCUBINE. This film is fantastic with a great epic story spanning several years over the Cultural Revolution in China following two Peking Opera performers. The acting is fantastic, the cinematography is fantastic — it’s an epic worthy of David Lean, the kind rarely seen in America anymore. It’s a great statement on the cultural change in China but put in a story that any audience member anywhere can easily become involved in. A bit of a warning though, the first third of the film shows the torture young children in Peking Opera camps normally had to endure. It may or may not be of interest to you that this portrayal is similar to Jackie Chan’s upbring.

    HEAVENLY CREATURES (New Zealand)
    I still believe this is by far Peter Jackson’s, director of LORD OF THE RINGS, finest achievement. An inventive tale of two young girls and their relationship with each other and their fantasies. Sure it’s in English so it’s a bit of a cheat, but New Zealand is still a foreign country after all. This film introduces us to Kate Winslet for the first time and she’s outstanding as is Melanie Lynsky (whose career since has not gone quite as well despite her talent). It’s especially enjoyable for filmlovers as you see fantasy lust scenes with computer generated characters like Orson Welles. The whole film explores creative use of CGI as created by the now famed WETA Workshop. And the story explores both the joys and dangers of a fantasy life and makes you feel a lot less weird if you’ve ever had one. And yes there’s all kinds of weird underage lesbian undertones (and overtones) but that’s hardly the point now is it?

    LOVERS OF THE ARCTIC CIRCLE (Spain)
    I’ve never met another person who has seen this film but I was happy to find out through a quick internet search that others who had liked it as much as I did. A quirky little picture about two lovers with palindromic names (Otto and Ana) and the fate that is more in control of their lives than they are. A fantastic, if not quirky, love story that spans a good amount of the globe. The story and the dialogue are often very matter-of-fact. Although it’s a love story it’s never too emotional or sentimentalized. But I really understand the connection between the characters and this style really works in a film where fate plays such a large role. And despite an assertion of the role of fate in our lives, the movie also posits if there’s any rhyme or reason to life at all. The film is very well made and the great locations add a lot to this universal tale which is told in an unorthodox way.

    ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA (Hong Kong)
    This movie might be a bad introduction to Hong Kong action films of this period since the quality of the fighting, production values, and even the story are better than a lot of other films in the genre. But in this film, Jet Li, fight choreographer Yuen Wo Ping, and director Tsui Hark are all in top form (and that’s saying something because these three guys are generally pretty good). The story surrounds the occupation of Hong Kong by the British and the somewhat common theme of martial arts versus guns. Jet Li plays Wong Fei Hung, a legendary character in China who has more films made about him than any other character in history. And while there are certainly moments of melodrama and as in all Hong Kong films all English speaking actors are comically horrible, it all comes down to the fights which are some of the most outstanding in genre history. As a side note, it’s always fun to watch IRON MONKEY after this one to see how Yuen Wo Ping weaves the same choreography themes into the prequel.

    THE PROFESSIONAL (France)
    Once again, I may be going against the grain here since of Luc Besson’s directing work LE FEMME NIKITA is usually considered the better film. But when sitting around on a Sunday afternoon, I’m a lot more likely to throw on THE PROFESSIONAL. A young Natalie Portman is great as the young girl taken in by the hitman Jeno Reno. Gary Oldman is deliciously almost-over-the-top as the villain. And Besson takes the stale tale of a lonely man and a spirited child finding meaning and happiness in each other and adds blood and bullets. Besson is always finding new ways of using his camera. His action scenes are great and the story is very well handled. Besson is (was?) one of the few men in the world making action film with gravity of dramas — trying to make the popcorn genre into an art.

    THE ROAD HOME (China)
    Of all of director Zhang Yimou’s works, many think that RAISE THE RED LANTERN is his masterpiece. I like that film quite a lot but have instead chosen to highlight THE ROAD HOME. From a director known for larger epic films like LANTERN, this small film is truly a delight and an achievement. It’s deceptively simple — a country story about a young girl and boy falling in love. It’s Zhang Ziyi’s film debut and she’s radiant, carrying the whole picture on her own. And director Zhang Yimou shows that he doesn’t need big tragedy, big sets and big stories to affect an audience. A scene where Ziyi’s character loses a hairpin is as heartbreaking as anything I’ve ever seen. This is a small film that packs a big emotional punch. One of the few times I’ve cried from happiness. A word of warning though, when I first saw this movie in the theater I was about to walk out after 10 minutes because the film starts in modern China in black and white before flashing back. So, give the film a little time to get going and you’ll be well rewarded.

    RUN LOLA RUN (Germany)
    I feel like there’s some backlash toward this film at this point, but certainly when it came out it was a jolt of high octane filmmaking. A film that honestly isn’t about very much but contains some good ideas in it’s use of animation and montage still holds up as a very enjoyable use of 80 minutes. The flood of imitators may seemingly have lessened this film’s impact but watching it again it’s as entertaining and full of energy as it ever was. Franke Potente is Lola, who has only minutes to find the money to keep her lover alive. She leads us through a time bending run of desperation that never lets up. The film shows us that small things in life can make as much a difference as the big ones. A great creative effort that will keep you pumped for hours as if you drank a whole vat of Jolt cola.

    Your Turn
    Now, as shocking as this may seem, I did not see every foreign film that came out in the 1990s. So let’s try a participatory exercise: I’m looking for your e-mails filled with your insightful opinions about what the best foreign film of the 90s truly is (Although I know you are all going to say CITY OF LOST CHILDREN, PRINCESS MONONOKE and ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER, but that’s fine). And my next column, two weeks from now, will be a list of 5 or so of the most voted for, or simply most interesting sounding films. I’m very much looking forward to watching some things I haven’t seen (although probably not looking forward to finding the more obscure of your suggestions). You can hit me up at alisonveneto@yahoo.com.

    Also a note to any of you in New York. The truly fantastic New York Asian Film Festival is running until July 1st. More info here. I have seen almost none of these films and am salivating with jealousy at this very moment.

    IN TWO WEEKS: Your films. Reviewed.

    June 21, 2006

    Monkey Talk with Paul Dini: Bill Morrison

    Filed under: Monkey Talk — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:17 pm

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    -By Paul Dini & Rashy 

    Quick Stop welcomes Paul Dini’s Monkey Talk (co-hosted by his irrepressible sock monkey son, Rashy) featuring an interview with comics artist/writer Bill Morrison (and plenty of Rashy shenanigans).

    DOWNLOAD:
    Monkey Talk with Paul Dini: Bill Morrison (560 x 420 – 120MB QuickTime)

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    Mattt Potter’s Web Fun For Four Year Olds

    Filed under: Articles,Fat Man Pants — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:10 pm

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     -By Mattt Potter  

     

    matttpotter-20060621-01.jpgHey kids! Holy crap I can’t believe it’s almost Christmas! Well guess what? I got two fun filled christmas activities for you today. I am a little behind on getting this zebra shit together. So please give old Uncle Mattt a big break, okay kiddos? Because Uncle Mattt is old and his farts are starting to smell like that too. And it does not even bother me. Which is sad - it’s like I’m Laura Dern when she stuck her hand in that big pile of dinosaur shit in that one movie… Citizen Ruth.

    That is where I am at. (All this was code for “sorry my page/section looks like the said stuff Laura Dern was sticking her hand in, I just ran out of time and last minute putting it up”).

    So here we go! The first of many PODCASTs starring View Askew’s own Mattt Potter, co-starring the Scott Baio to my Erin Moran… because I love him so… Wil “Riker” Wilkins! A Podcast that explains itself when you click this linky dink here.

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    DOWNLOAD:
    FAT MAN PANTS

    ***Special apologies go out to “Brian L” (we will call him that to keep his anonymity). We ran out of time to re-record a funnier podcast. Next one for sure it will be funny! PROMISE!****

    (ALSO THIS IS NOT REALLY A PODCAST, MORE AN EXPLANATION OF WHAT OUR PODCASTS ARE GOING TO BE LIKE, THIS IS JUST AN MP3 TO DOWNLOAD AND LISTEN TO IF YOU ARE REALLY BORED!)

    ALSO HERE IS A LINK TO a little trailer called COCOON 3 MOTHERFUCKER!

    DOWNLOAD:
    COCOON 3 TRAILER

    ***THOSE WHO KNOW WHAT THIS IS, YOU ARE WELCOME, THOSE THAT DON’T please take a picture of your confused face and send it to me at mailto:mattt@viewaskew.com so that I may laugh.****

     

     

    Brat-halla #133: Norse Force – Basic Training

    Filed under: Brat-Halla — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:40 am

    by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee

    Larger Sized Comic

    Brat-halla #133: Norse Force - Basic Training

    For extras, visit the Brat-halla Web site!

    Check out the preview to the Image comic Jeff writes…

    E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | BRAT-HALLA BLOG | BRAT-HALLA FORUM | ARCHIVES

    June 20, 2006

    Nocturnal Admissions: A Slacker Darkly

    Filed under: Nocturnal Admissions — UncaScroogeMcD @ 7:31 pm
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    Hello, my name is D. K. Holm, and I am a cinemaholic.

    I’ve liked movies since I was a kid. I quasi-studied film in college. When I got out of college, I helped start a film magazine (Cinemonkey; it lasted three issues). Ten years after that I got a job reviewing movies for an “alternative” weekly. And ten years after that, I left that paper for another, the late, lamented PDXS, where I worked for another four years. After a brief interregnum, I landed at MoviePoopShoot.com, which this week mutates, to the relief of a nation, into QuickStopEntertainment.com. So I’ve been at this game for a long time, without necessarily progressing, advancing, or improving.

    And why did I stick with it? Because I am a cinemaholic. I need to have movies in my life. I need to be viewing them (preferably for free), commentating on them, saving them (hoarding them is more like it), and then turning around and watching more movies. When I am not viewing a DVD or sitting in a movie theater I am reading about movies, either in Variety, Sight and Sound, or in a new film book from an academic press. One thing I am currently not inclined to do is make them, primarily because it is too fucking hard. Now, I’ve been in a couple of movies but “¦ well, for that you can consult my IMDB page.

    So consequently, you, the QuickStopEntertainment browser, are the beneficiary. In this column, a blend of all the stuff I was doing at MPS, I’ll cover current big screen releases, DVDs, film books, TV shows I’ve been watching, and whatever else film related comes into my head. Let the quick stops begin!

    Taking the Red Pill

    A SCANNER DARKLY
    [nota bene: The following review, by necessity, contains some spoilers! If you don’t want to know the ending of the movies mentioned, don’t read on.]

    Keanu Reeves is taking the pill again. Over the past several years, Reeves has evolved into the premiere sci-fi film anchor, the guy whose presence gets the film made. He alternates these parts with roles in romantic comedies (House by the Lake is opening near-simultaneously) which probably pay the bills that allow him to appear in Constantine, the Matrix movies, and Johnny Mnemonic (though now Reeves is moving into the crime film genre).

    One wonders if the long gestating A Scanner Darkly, based on the cult novel by Philip K. Dick that many people have tried to film over the past two decades, would have gotten off the ground without Reeves’s presence.

    The result is that Richard Linklater’s film is about 25 per cent science fiction, 50 per cent stoner tale, 100 per cent animated and 100 per cent live action (because of the rotoscoping process, which requires live action footage that is then drawn over frame by frame at a cost of what is broadcast as 500 person hours per frame). I was curious to see if the rotoscoping process was even necessary to the story, but yes, it is, as it allows fantastical moments to be seamlessly installed into the narrative, moments such as various hallucinations and the bizarre technology that Dick imagined, such as the electronic suit that undercover cops use to cloud their identity, and which allows the key characters to shift personas.

    Dick’s source novel is ambitious, flawed, heartfelt, and paranoid all at once and the movie is a reasonably accurate adaptation of the source text, even down to the valedictory list of drug causalities that Dick included at the end of his novel. It concerns Bob Arctor (Reeves), one of Dick’s characteristically jangly named characters (Anderton?). Bob lives in a suburban ranch house in southern California, which he shares with a few other stoners, Barris (Robert Downey, Jr.), in an exquisite performance), and Luckman (the cleverly cast Woody Harrelson). “Stoners” is probably not the proper term, as they take a speed like drug. A frequent visitor is Freck (Rory Cochrane), the very definition of an addict, with hyperactive eyes and mobile hair that hides and reveals his face like a curtain. But Bob is also known as Fred, to the police surveillance team he works for, We first meet Fred, really a cloaked Bob, giving a talk to a business group about the problems of undercover life and the evils of drugs, especially a deadly new drug called Substance D, nicknamed simply Death. It reminds me of the Red Death drug in Scorsese’s Bringing Out the Dead, but is really the speed that Dick and numerous friends were taking back in the 1970s, though Dick anticipated the current Meth crisis. Bob eventually ends up as “Bruce,” working the fields that create Substance D for the corporation, New Path, which rules the whole endless cycle of abuse, from addition to recovery to supply and back again. Meanwhile, Bob loves Donna (Winona Ryder), a fellow addict whom he wrestles internally over betraying, and who is sexually frigid, though that proves to be associated with her own secret life.

    Dick’s vision of corporate criminality, one basically of fascism in its true definition, in which business and government join hands, is a product of the paranoid 1970s, just like the films Parallax View The Conversation, and Blow Out, but no less plausible for that. After a long series of directors attached to A Scanner Darkly over the decades (including, Terry Gilliam and, I think, Brian De Palma), Linklater, it turns out, proves to be the perfect helmer for the project (the film is co-produced by Steven Soderbergh, who, given his affection for ’70s cinema, might also been a good choice). Linklater is also a child of the 1970s and feels the paranoia in his bones. He also simply knows drug culture, at least cinematically. With three perfectly cast actors at the heart of the film, who each represent in their own way aspects of popular drug culture, real or imagined, this is a film that feels true, observed, prescient and retrospective at the same time. Despite, or maybe because of, the rotoscoping shield, the actors give their best performances in years.

    The trailer says the film is set seven years in the future, but it feels like “now,” and the ’70s at the same time. Surely we have all been to a house like Bob’s. Dirty, cramped, cluttered, where the couch is the center of activity, where food scraps in the kitchen age like archeological finds, and no one seems to have any visible means of support. The non-stop “party” gravitates from couch to back yard and back depending on the weather, the light, and the underlying sociological rules of engagement. The urge is to be always “on” but without the confidence that anyone is listening and almost always in slow motion, and occasionally someone will marshal their resources and come out with a speculative riff that has everyone howling with laughter, and which, if you’re lucky, you remember enough to put into a novel or screenplay later. Linklater, under the influence of Dick, captures this quality of life perfectly, along with its subsidiary settings, the broad bright streets of suburban arteries that serve malls and the diner. These characters have no background, no past, no future. They are collections of base animal needs augmented with intellectual pretensions.

    A home away from home the car, and it is curious to see how car-oriented the movie is (I didn’t get that sense from the book). The automobile represents vitality, man’s god-given right to go where he chooses. It’s an emblem of social and financial success. But like almost everything else in the film, the car is ultimately unreliable, even though all you really need it for is to go get more drugs. The car is there to suggest that, in this drug culture, mobility doesn’t matter much, and the car grows literally and figuratively etiolated as the drug users slump deeper into inactivity. (Animals and cats is another theme or visual motif of the film.)

    An important component of both Dick and Linklater’s Scanner is the “vision of the future” in which we are all monitored at all times, a state of being that doesn’t seem so “future.” Bob goes to “work” where he sits in from of a console of monitors that show his own life passing before his eyes, via the numerous cameras hidden in his house, and he also sees what goes on when he isn’t there, such as the odd drug overdose. Science fiction that was yet plausible when the book was published, this now feels like “reality,” and it is difficult to conceive of this kind of monitoring lessening. All that saves us from complete 1984-style observation is the X factor, the human element, i.e., the kind of incompetence that we see at airports and in military strikes and police stings.

    On the one hand the sci-fi elements have a Cronenberg-level viscosity, but on another broad level A Scanner Darkly is really just another movie about the workaday world, like Clockwatchers, American Beauty or Office Space (I call this genre, if it is one, Heroic Alienation). Bob is a guy doing a job, stuck with friends who don’t work and drain him of his resources, and with a girl friend who won’t fuck him We finally get to see Ryder’s rack on screen, by the way; it’s just that it’s rendered as a cartoon. But that is also the point of the rotoscoping. It puts you another step away from the characters, which allows you to view them “objectively,” while paradoxically making them seem cozier, the way that cartoons appeal to the kid in us. I think that this is a film that people will be watching over and over in years to come, because they characters feel familiar and the setting is so real (and also because of Downey’s performance).

    Linklater had the remarkable, Soderberghian happenstance of having two films at Cannes this year. Though he didn’t win anything, the fact symbolized his progress since Slackers. It’s a prolific career but also one like Michael Winterbottom’s (or indeed Soderbergh’s) in which you never know what kind of film he’s going to make next. That’s because, like these other two directors, Linklater has a big appetite: for films of all kinds, for knowledge, for people of all kinds.

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    Linklater will go down in history, of course, for popularizing the term “slacker” and giving a taxonomy for the type. In fact in the audio commentary track to Slacker (The Criterion Collection, No. 247, 1991, 100 minutes, color, NR, full frame, DD stereo in English with English subtitles, static musical menu with 32-chapter scene selection, 68-page insert with transfer info, pix, credits, memorabilia, and essays, two discs, dual disc folder in a slip case, $39.95, released on Tuesday, September 14, 2004), Linklater gives the best ever definition of a slacker, which he calls an “active non-participant,” which is perfect (he says this in chapter eight). Linklater also makes the key point that slackers are, contrary to popular belief, not lazy or inert. All the kids in the film have something going, be it a JFK conspirary book, or a band, or a street hustle, or something. What’s also amazing is that, though the film was shot in July and August of 1989, everyone in it looks like you could run into them on the way to today’s neighborhood coffee shop.

    Indeed, the movie is blessed. At one point, a girl comes up to try and sell two of the slackers Madonna’s pap smear. Fortunately, Linklater and his collaborators picked Madonna for the job, and not some other contemporaneous flash in the pan, for it is she who has lasted.

    In fact, overall, Linklater is inspiring. For one thing he appears to be a legitimately nice guy, from the sound of his own audio commentary track and from what others say about him (I met Linklater once, in a cigarette-residue filled club called the X-Ray café long gone now, though there is a film about this club that I happen to be in – when he was promoting Dazed and Confused; it gave me the chance to ask him why there was a car with Oregon license plates in Slacker [it turned out to be his parent’s car, borrowed for the shot, and they now live in Oregon]). And he did it, he actually got it done, gather a cast and crew and got them all to work on his script.

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    And he seems to be “one of us.” Like me, for example, he is a big fan of Ulysses, which one of the characters reads from. Also, like me, he doesn’t like to do anything, and on the yak track he says that the indolent guy in the bathrobe in chapter 12, who doesn’t like to leave his house, doesn’t like to go hiking or to the lake, or any other kind of “premeditated fun” (except fucking) is just like him, Linklater. Well, his views reflect mine as well.

    If you have grown to love this film as I have, Criterion’s two-disc set is a must-have. Aside from the movie itself, which has three audio commentary tracks (Linklater’s, the cast’s and the crew’s), the set has a wealth of supplements. On disc one, there is “No Longer Not Yet” (script excerpts), “Showing Life” (audition interviews, with a text intro by casting director Anne Walker-McBay, itself reprinted from the Slacker book), “Taco-and-a-Half After 10,” a compilation of home movies made during the filming, “Les Amis,” the trailer for a film-in-progress about one of the film’s locations, the trailer, and ” Shooting From the Hip,” a gallery containing more than 100 stills and snapshots from the shoot. Linklater’s commentary track is one of the best, ever.

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    Disc Two provides a wonderful archive of earlier Linklater films along with his views on “slacker culture.” This disc has two films, the feature length It’s Impossible to Learn to Plow by Reading Books (with a director commentary) and the short film Woodshock . In addition there is the working script to the film, which includes additional scenes, information about the Austin Film Society, which Linklater co-founded, the film’s trailer, and footage from the 10th anniversary Slackerreunion.
    Austin, Texas must be a great place to live. You’ve got the seat of state government lodged in a college town; you’ve got Whole Foods, Harry Knowles, the South by Southwest festival, Robert Rodriguez and, once a year or so, Tarantino in town to show films from his personal collection. You’ve got Austin City Limits, Mexican free-tailed bats, Charles Whitman, and the Zilker Tree.

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    The Zilker Tree, a lighted faux Christmas tree, figures in Linklater’s next film, Dazed and Confused (The Criterion Collection, No. 336, 1993, 102 minutes, color, NR, 1.85:1 enhanced, DD 5.1 and DD stereo in English with English subtitles, DTS Surround, static musical menu with 32-chapter scene selection, 72-page insert with chapter titles, transfer info, pix, credits, memorabilia, and essays, plus a mini poster, two discs, dual disc folder in a slip case, $39.95, released on Tuesday, June 6, 2006), by all accounts a terrible experience for the director (it’s his, if you will, Mall Rats). Universal promised to release a director’s version of the film, but came out only with a bare bones disc in 1998 and a “flashback edition” in 2004, with nine deleted scenes, some faux PSAs, and a few other extras. This mammoth Criterion set supersedes all previous discs.

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    Write what you know, they say, and what Americans know is high school. Thus, from American Graffiti to That ’70s Show and about a million After School Specials. For most Americans high school is the defining moment, and for the underclass, high school is perhaps the most traumatizing event of their lives, like being in a concentration camp. Both factions never get over it. I suspect, from his chat on the Dazed disc, that in his HS years Linklater was part of the elite (he was on the football team, for example), so here, history is being written by the winner, though also an observant, sympathetic one. When it first came out, the buzz on the film was that Dazed was “amorphous” with too many characters, and that the ritual humiliation of younger kids by older was emblematic of the totalitarian nature of small town American life.

    In the last chapter of Slacker‘s audio commentary track, Linklater gives a poignant, realistic account of what he learned about being a director, what he learned about himself, and how the personas clashed and / or helped each other. Slacker cost only about $20 thousand, but a studio paid $6 million for Dazed with all the attendant interference, and Linklater needed everything he learned to get through the trauma. I’m sorry that happened to him, but in the process Linklater managed to create a minor masterpiece of Americana while also mastering another key element of the director’s craft, casting. Look at the list of people that Linklater discovered or highlighted for this movie: Parker Posey, Matthew McConaughey, Anthony Rapp, Milla Jovovich, Joey Lauren Adams, Ben Affleck, Nicky Katt and Renée Zellweger (who doesn’t have any lines, but walks around a lot). The film is probably not quite a the cusp yet where you watch it and go, Wow, is she in this?!

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    Disc No. 1 has an amiable commentary from Linklater, and 25 minutes worth of deleted scenes, some with the visuals only (First National Bank, “Banned From the School,” Smoking in the Girls’ Room, “When They Lost, We Lost, “Narcing on a Friend, Family Plot, “Are the Good Times Worth It?,” “Where’s My Drugs, Man?,” Eighth Graders, Going Into Ninth, “You Little Slut!,” Parents Without Plans, Global Thermonuclear War, Cutting in the Keg Line, Bumfuckville, Tailgate, “Knew Then What I Know Now,” Way Me the Show to Go Home), and the original theatrical trailer. The deleteds tend to make the finished film less “philosophical.”

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    Disc No. 2 comes in three large sections. It kicks off with an hour long documentary “Making Dazed,” which aired on American Movie Classics. It’s a very, very good retrospective “making of,” celebrating the film while also being frank about production issues, and much of the other footage on this second disc consists of outtakes from this project. Casting director Don Phillips is revealed as a key component here, as he found most of the film’s young actors, as he did on Fast Times at Ridgemont High. “Making” is followed by an auditions reel (Michelle Burke, Rory Cochrane, Adam Goldberg, Cole Hauser, Christin Hinojosa, Nicky Katt, Jason London, Deena Martin, Matthew McConaughey, Anthony Rapp, Marissa Ribisi, Wiley Wiggins), and concludes with “Beer Bust at the Moon Tower,” a compilation of mixed material, on set footage and the actors being interviewed in character. It starts out with “Character Interviews,” which were used during rehearsal, each actor improvising in their roles (Sabrina Davis, Don Dawson, Cynthia Dunn, Randall “Pink” Floyd, Jodi Kramer, Mitch Kramer, Darla Marks, Mike Newhouse, Fred O’Bannion, Benny O’Donnell, Tony Olson, Ron Slater, Shavonne Wright). This is followed by “Cast & Director Interviews,” shot during the length of the production (Linklater Before Shooting Parker Posey, Ben Affleck (1992), Affleck & Cole Hauser, Nicky Katt & Adam Goldberg, Rory Cochrane, Wiley Wiggins and Catherine Martin, Wiley Wiggins, Michelle Burke and Christine Harnos, Christin Hinojosa, Linklater at End of Shoot, Linklater, Matthew McConaughey and Don Phillips). Finally, there is “Behind-the-Scenes Footage” (Every Other Decade, Muscle-Car Driving Lessons, The Costumes, The Boys, The Girls, “Love Those Redheads,” Retaliation on O’Bannion, Buying Beer, Crest Hotel, Picture Day, Start Acting,” The Props, Wiley’s First Day Back at School, Reunion Clips), a wide collection of all kinds of material that includes rehearsals, costume checks, interviews, and finally some reunion clips (of which I could have used a lot more, both here and in “Making Dazed“).

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    I want to say that Linklater has evolved into one of our best directors, but he started out pretty damn strong, as even his “student” films show, and his career, in its diversity, puts him up with Soderbergh, Winterbottom, Rodriguez, and Tarantino. What these directors have in common is that they are all like Howard Hawks. Within the studio system, Hawks made among the best entries in almost all the genres, including mysteries, aviation, comedies, slapstick, and westerns. These guys are like Hawks, making the best examples of the films in the wider range of genres that exist now, political films, neo-noir, comic book adaptations, and so on. We are all Hawksians now.

    DVD Late Show: June 20, 2006

    Filed under: DVD Late Show — UncaScroogeMcD @ 8:20 am

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    June 20, 2006

    Welcome to the DVD Late Show. I’m your host, Christopher Mills, a struggling writer, compulsive DVD collector and fanatical film buff with a particular fondness for the imaginative, offbeat, obscure and unusual. For a little more than a year, I’ve been reviewing and previewing cult, genre and exploitation films on DVD ““ covering the gamut of cult classics, vintage sci-fi, foreign freakshows, sleazy sexploitation, Spaghetti Westerns, kaiju eiga, giallos, unusual animation, forgotten horrors, late night TV shows, and oddball action flicks ““ and I’m not going to stop now!

    Originally, this particular column was going to be devoted exclusively to more of the horror DVDs that have been piling up on my To Be Viewed/Reviewed stack, but that was before I knew this was going to be the first DVD Late Show under the new Quick Stop Entertainment management/brand. It made sense, therefore, to instead review a wider variety of new and upcoming DVD titles to give newcomers a better idea of the scope of this column.

    So, without further ado”¦the biggest Late Show yet!

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    In the Sixties and Seventies, England’s Amicus Films produced a string of horror anthology films, using some of the top genre stars of the era and screenplays by such legendary horror scribes as Robert Bloch (PSYCHO, TORTURE GARDEN). ASYLUM (1972), directed by Hammer Films veteran Roy Ward Baker (SCARS OF DRACULA), is a particularly entertaining entry in the series.

    A young psychiatrist (Robert Powell, THE ASPHYX) interviews four inmates in a mental asylum to try and determine which one was the former director of the institution before going mad. Is it the wronged wife (Barbara Parkins) whose affair ended in grisly murder? The poverty-stricken tailor (Barry Morse, SPACE: 1999) who was commissioned to make a suit out of an unusual glowing material for a mysterious client (horror legend Peter Cushing)? The schizophrenic beauty (Charlotte Rampling of ZARDOZ) who insists that her possibly imaginary friend (Britt Ekland, THE WICKER MAN) really killed her brother? Or the mad genius (Herbert Lom, Hammer’s PHANTOM OF THE OPERA) who builds homicidal toy robots with human heads?

    Loaded with experienced horror performers, a dry wit and PG-rated gore and thrills, ASYLUM is a fun and rewarding trip back to the days when horror films had grown-up casts and clever scripts. Sure, the effects may be hokey by today’s standards, but that’s part of the nostalgic charm.

    Previously issued some years ago by Image Entertainment on a bare bones disc with a soft, scratchy, incorrectly framed print, ASYLUM is about to be re-issued by Dark Sky Films in a vastly-superior edition. Featuring a new, improved transfer culled from original vault materials, and presented in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen, this shock cinema staple has never looked better, with strong, well-balanced colors and impressive detail.

    Dark Sky has also seen fit to include a few choice extras, including a full-length, informative commentary track by director Baker and cameraman Neil Binney. There’s also a short featurette called “Inside the Fear Factory,” that chronicles the history of Amicus and includes interviews with some of the studio’s prime movers, including the late Max J. Rosenberg, the president of the company. Additionally, there are bios of the cast and crew, a still gallery, and trailers/TV spots for ASYLUM and Dark Sky’s other upcoming Amicus titles.

    My only criticism of the release is that screenwriter Robert Bloch’s name is misspelled on the DVD sleeve as “Robert Black.” Considering Bloch’s status as one of the all-time great writers of horror fiction, the mistake is particularly unfortunate.

    ASYLUM will be hitting the shelves on July 25. If you’re a fan of vintage horror, you’ll want to pick it up, and if you happen to own the earlier Image version ““ as I do ““ it’s definitely worth buying again in this new edition. It’s that much better.

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    Regular readers of this column know that I dig those “Women In Prison” (WIP) flicks of the Seventies and early Eighties, the raunchier and more perverted the better. Well, I think I’ve just discovered the sleaziest WIP movie ever made. Oswaldo de Oliveira’s insane, utterly over-the-top BARE BEHIND BARS (a/k/a A PRISÃO, 1980) may very well be the ultimate in chicks ‘n chains cinema.

    As usual, there’s no real plot to speak of, but all the usual elements of the WIP genre are present, and taken to the extreme. You’ve got beautiful naked convicts, the lusty lesbian warden, a perverted prison nurse, horny guards, full-body cavity searches, sapphic shower sex, rapes, torture, castrations, car chases and white slavery”¦ but where in every other WIP flick they seem to stop just short of delivering the goods, BARE BEHIND BARS goes all the way, with copious bloodletting and hardcore sex scenes.

    Yet, mixed in with all the carnality and carnage, there’s a definite and deliberate sense of the absurd. Obviously, while everybody involved was determined to leave no exploitation opportunity unfulfilled, there’s still the feeling that no one involved was taking it all that seriously. Pineapples are used as sex toys, a rubber dildo makes its way from cell to cell in amusing ways, and a man’s severed sex organ is tossed to a stray dog to get it to stop barking. No, really. And it’s funny.

    Well, it made me laugh.

    Blue Underground’s DVD of BARE BEHIND BARS presents the film in a surprisingly sharp and impressive 1.66:1 anamorphic transfer that belies the film’s 26-year age. Every decadent detail is crystal sharp and print damage is virtually non-existent The Brazilian import is dubbed into English and the movie is presented unrated, although BU has designed the packaging to include a huge “X” on the front cover. The only extra is a theatrical trailer, but I can’t complain. The movie is the real bonus here.

    It’s not for prudes or the squeamish, but if you’re a fan of WIP films and feel that they never quite go far enough, BARE BEHIND BARS just might be what you’re looking for.

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    THE BEAST MUST DIE, a 1972 offering from England’s Amicus Studios, has one of the coolest B-movie, genre-blending plots I’ve ever come across. Directed by Paul Annette, from a screenplay by Michael Winder, BEAST is based on a short story by famed SF writer James Blish.

    Millionaire sportsman Tom Newcliffe (Calvin Lockhart, COTTON COMES TO HARLEM) has bagged every sort of big game trophy there is”¦ except one. He summons six of his acquaintances to his isolated (and heavily video monitored) country estate for the weekend. Over dinner, he announces that he’s come to the conclusion that one of his guests (which include the late greats, Peter Cushing and Charles Gray) is a werewolf, and come moonrise, he will hunt it down and kill it.

    Thus, the stage is set for a movie that’s part Agatha Christie’s TEN LITTLE INDIANS and part THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME. There’s also a touch of blaxploitation, and bit of Bond, with Newcliffe’s high-tech security gadgets and handy helicopter. Peter Cushing (CURSE OF FRANKENSTEIN, STAR WARS) spouts tons of inconsistent werewolf lore, Charles Gray (THE DEVIL RIDES OUT, ROCKY HORROR) looks annoyed, Lockhart overplays his part in an entertaining manner, and the rest of the cast dutifully subject themselves to one inconclusive “werewolf test” after another. Plot holes abound, and there’s some not-entirely-effective day-for-night photography, but there’s a nice fake-out twist near the end and the movie’s never dull.

    And, did I mention the “Werewolf Break?” It’s a gimmick that would have made William Castle proud. About an hour and ten minutes into the movie, the narrative stops, and there’s a 30-second break where the viewer is encouraged to pick which of the possible suspects is the werewolf. Not as easy as you’d think, since the werewolf’s identity is so arbitrary that you’d think Kevin Williamson wrote the screenplay, but it’s a fun, nostalgic gag ““ even if the director hated it.

    The werewolf in this film is portrayed by a large black dog with a fur stole tied around its neck, but it kinda works. The music by Douglas Gamley is very “early Seventies,” but it’s effective enough ““ actually, the whole movie is pretty effective if you approach it in the right frame of mind.

    Previously issued by Image Entertainment in a bare-bones edition with a decidedly scratchy, battered print, Dark Sky’s forthcoming reissue is a marked improvement in all ways. Beginning with a new anamorphic 1.78:1 widescreen transfer from a nearly pristine vault print source, Dark Sky has delivered a great, fully packed disc. There’s a commentary track by director Annett, two featurettes ““ Annett’s tribute to Peter Cushing and the behind-the-scenes “Directing The Beast” ““ a still gallery, cast and crew bios and the same trailers and TV spots that are on the company’s ASYLUM disc.

    Hitting stores on July 25, THE BEAST MUST DIE is a fun, if flawed, fright flick and I recommend it. As with ASYLUM, if you bought the earlier disc, you’ll want to upgrade.

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    The long-awaited Michele Soavi classic CEMETERY MAN (a/k/a DELLAMORTE DELLAMORE, 1994) finally makes its DVD debut, courtesy of Anchor Bay.

    Francesco Dellamorte (Rupert Everett, MY BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING) is a cemetery watchman who spends his nights waiting for the dead to rise from their graves so he can pop a cap in their heads and re-bury them. But after a graveside sexual encounter with a kinky widow (the gorgeous Anna Falchi, in three roles) ends badly, Francesco begins to reconsider his place in the world, and starts to wonder if it might just save time and effort to blow people’s brains out while they’re still alive.

    Then, of course, there’s Francesco’s assistant, the obese and imbecilic Gnaghi (François Hadji-Lazaro), who’s carrying on a love affair with the re-animated, decapitated head of the local mayor’s daughter”¦

    Filled with darkly poetic imagery and macabre black humor, CEMETERY MAN is a genuine classic of Italian horror cinema, and a truly unique film experience. Based on a novel by European comic creator Tiziano Sclavi, director Michele Soavi (STAGE FRIGHT, THE CHURCH) has crafted possibly the most original horror film of the 1990’s.

    Anchor Bay presents the film in a sharp, clean 1.66:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer. There’s been some online debate as to whether the aspect ratio on this edition is as Soavi intended, but the framing looks fine to me. The dubbed English track is presented in a clear Dolby Digital 5.1.

    Anchor Bay has included a well-produced, new featurette called “Death is Beautiful,” which features interviews with director Soavi and star Anna Falchi, and some great behind-the-scenes info, a Michele Soavi text bio, and the original theatrical trailer (in Italian). There’s also a nice little 8-page booklet with liner notes by Michael Felsher.

    For those who have been eagerly awaiting a Region 1 release of this important film, you’re definitely going to want to pick this up.

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    Dark Sky Films have just unleashed another in their Drive-In Double Feature series upon the DVD collecting public with two Sixties color sci-fi oddities, CREATION OF THE HUMANOIDS/WAR BETWEEN THE PLANETS (1962/1965).

    CREATION OF THE HUMANOIDS is a surprisingly cerebral and cinematically inept sci-fi treatise on tolerance set some decades after a nuclear war, when mankind has created a race of blue-skinned ‘bots to help rebuild civilization. Disparagingly called “clickers,” the robots continue to evolve, becoming more human-like. But not everyone is happy about that. A fanatical group of humans called The Order of Flesh and Blood is dedicated to halting the ‘bots’ evolution and preserving human purity. One of its leaders, Cragis (Don Megowan, THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US) is surprised to discover that his own sister is living “in rapport” with a “clicker,” and goes to confront her. But there are greater surprises in store for Cragis”¦

    Wesley Barry’s direction is static, giving the film the feel of a stage play, with very little cutting and only a few (very long) scenes, made up almost entirely of dialogue. While thematically, the movie could be seen as a precursor to Ridley Scott’s BLADE RUNNER, cinematically, it’s about on the level of an Ed Wood film. In fact, Dudley Manlove, one of the stars of Wood’s PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, plays one of the chatty “clickers.”

    As a side note for genre film buffs, the legendary make-up artist Jack Pierce, who decades earlier had created the original Frankenstein and Wolf Man make-ups for Universal, devised the bald, blue-skin look of the “clickers.” Sadly, CREATION OF THE HUMANOIDS was one of the genius make-up maestro’s last credits.

    The second feature (actually, the first on the menu but not on the packaging) is Antonio Margheriti’s (CASTLE OF BLOOD, TAKE A HARD RIDE) colorful space opera, WAR BETWEEN THE PLANETS. One of four inter-related sci-fi potboilers Margheriti directed in the mid-Sixties, WAR tells the sometimes-exciting tale of the Earth space force’s battle with a rogue, living planet ““ which just happens to be on a collision course with Earth. Filled with delightfully cheesy miniature spaceships, space stations and model cities, not to mention square-jawed heroes and the Continental cuties they live love and fight for, WAR is a Fifties’ pulp magazine story come to vivid life. It’s a little talky at the beginning, but it pays off at the end, when our heroes land on and descend into the (literal) bowels of the wandering planet. Great fun, if you’re in the right mood.

    This second volume in Dark Sky Films’ “Drive-In Double Feature” line offers both films in nearly pristine 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen, absolutely rock-solid color transfers, with virtually no visible specks or scratches. WAR BETWEEN THE PLANETS is dubbed into English and both films are presented in 2.0 Dolby mono. Dark Sky has the disc set up so you can watch the two films as one long drive-in program ““ complete with trailers and snack bar intermission promos ““ or individually. The packaging is great, too.

    Now that MGM seems to have all but abandoned its line of Midnight Movie double features discs, Dark Sky has helped fill the void with their own high quality, classic cult double-feature line. CREATION OF THE HUMANOIDS/WAR BETWEEN THE PLANETS is a satisfying two-shot of drive-in nostalgia and highly recommended for vintage sci-fi fans.

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    To tie in with Warner Bros. recent special edition of the 1967 World War II movie classic, THE DIRTY DOZEN, MGM has dug into its vaults and unearthed a couple of late Eighties TV-movie sequels and issued them as a double feature, THE DIRTY DOZEN: THE DEADLY MISSION/THE FATAL MISSION (1987/1988).

    In THE DEADLY MISSION, Major Wright (Telly Savalas, replacing Lee Marvin, who originated the role in the theatrical feature and one previous TV sequel) must assemble a new 12-man team of military convicts for a suicide mission behind enemy lines. In this case, the target is a secret nerve gas factory and their orders are to blow it up and extract the scientists working there so the Nazis can’t try again. It’s pretty much a retread of the theatrical film, but Savalas makes an acceptable lead (he played one of the convicts in the 1967 original, so there’s at least a tenuous connection) and the new dozen includes such familiar faces as Randall “Tex” Cobb (RAISING ARIZONA), Gary Graham (TV’s ALIEN NATION), Bo Svenson (WALKING TALL PART 2) and a couple of Van Pattens. With authentic-looking Yugoslavian locations, fairly high production values, and solid direction by Lee H. Katzin, DEADLY MISSION is a better-than-average TV adventure movie.

    Set near the end of the war, THE FATAL MISSION requires Maj. Wright (Savalas again) to assemble one last team of convict commandos to take out a trainload of Nazis on their way to the Middle East to establish a new base of power for the continuation of the Third Reich. The titular dozen this time includes Erik Estrada (DO OR DIE, CHiPs), John Matusak (ONE MAN FORCE), Ernie Hudson (GHOSTBUSTERS, CONGO), Jeff Conaway (GREASE, BABYLON 5), and ““ in a first for the franchise ““ Heather Thomas, the blonde bikini-clad babe from THE FALL GUY. The story, while following the established formula, is a bit different this time, with an enemy agent imbedded in the group and the presence of a woman on the team (Thomas is surprisingly good here). Katzin’s direction is once again efficient and briskly paced.

    MGM’s two-disc package is bare bones but serviceable, with each movie on its own single-sided disc, presented in their original full screen TV aspect ratios. Sound is Dolby Digital stereo, and the movies are unrated. There are no extra features whatsoever.

    If you’re a fan of the franchise, it might be worth picking up: you get two decent DIRTY DOZEN teleflicks at a low retail price. If you’re not a fan, well, you wouldn’t want to see them anyway, right?

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    Another legendary B-movie finally makes its way to DVD thanks to those twisted geniuses at Dark Sky Films. In fact, for diehard fans of vintage drive-in cinema, FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER (1965) is probably the most essential DVD release of the year.

    Martians in a flying saucer keep blowing up America’s rockets because they think they’re hostile missiles. Confused, and determined to stop losing valuable flesh and blood astronauts, NASA sends a remarkably advanced (and certainly expensive) android named “Frank Saunders” (Robert Reilly) on their next space mission. The Martians shoot him down too, of course, causing his capsule to crash land in Puerto Rico. In one of those classic cosmic coincidences, the Martians land there too and hit the beach to round up bikini babes for breeding purposes. Frank, damaged in the crash, wanders the Puerto Rican landscape in a malfunctioning, murderous daze while his creator Dr. Steele (James Karen, RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD) searches for him from the back of a Vespa scooter. Eventually, all the above parties collide, and the space age Frankenstein (get it?) must go toe-to-toe with the Martians’ shaggy Space Monster (Bruce Glover ““ Crispin’s dad ““ who also plays one of the Martian crewmembers).

    Padded with tons of stock footage ““ close to half the running time, by my estimate ““ and loaded with camp acting, shoddy sets, military surplus costumes and nearly non-existent production values, FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER may well be the cheapest, most absurd, inane, inept and oddly enjoyable exploitation flick of the Sixties.

    It’s pure, giddy fun, right up there with Ed Wood’s “classics.”

    Dark Sky’s DVD is a delight, with a remarkable 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer that is amazingly sharp and clear (except for the extensive stock footage, which, understandably, varies considerably). Audio is clear Dolby Digital 2.0 mono. For extras, Dark Sky has included a 16-page booklet with liner notes by the film’s screenwriter, a still gallery, and the original theatrical trailer. Even the cover art is great, reminiscent of Sixties monster mags.

    Highly recommended for aficionados of “bad” movies.

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    I vaguely recall kinda liking the first UNDERWORLD flick a couple years ago (although that was probably just because I enjoyed looking at the fetching Kate Beckinsale in that skintight black rubber suit), so I was pleased when Sony’s UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION (2005) showed up in my mailbox. (Woo-hoo! More Kate!) As it turned out, while it’s no classic, I found director Len Wiseman’s sequel to be a fairly entertaining flick.

    For one thing, the plot is simpler. The protagonists of the first film ““ sexy fugitive Deathdealer (vampire) Selene (Kate Beckinsale, VAN HELSING) and Lycan (werewolf) hybrid Michael (Scott Speedman, FELICITY) ““ find themselves unwittingly embroiled in a quest by the world’s very first vampire ““ a bat-winged badass named Marcus (Tony Curran, FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX) ““ to revive his twin brother William, the world’s first werewolf, and unleash him on the world.

    Beautifully shot and designed, UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION drops much of the over-complicated plotting and political underpinnings of the original film in favor of a straightforward monster mash. Personally, I approve. Beckinsale looks great in black latex and the creatures are extremely well designed. In fact, albino werewolf William is by far the coolest looking CGI lycanthrope I’ve yet seen in a film.

    Sony’s DVD is a nice package, with a sterling 2.40:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer and a window-rattling Dolby 5.1 surround mix. They’ve also included a slew of informative featurettes, covering everything from the film’s stunt work and visual effects to sound design. Director Len Wiseman contributes a lively commentary, and there’s a music video by the band Atreyu (wasn’t that the kid in THE NEVER-ENDING STORY?).

    For fans of the original film, Kate Beckinsale’s butt, or monster mayhem in general, UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION is a good bet for a weekend rental. I liked it.

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    From director Jun Fukuda and special effects wiz Nakano Teruyoshi, the creators of several Seventies’ Godzilla epics, comes Toho Studios’ 1977 interstellar adventure, WAR IN SPACE (WAKUSEI DAISENSO).

    Conceived by Toho Studios as a STAR WARS rip-off, the final film owes more to Gerry Anderson’s British television shows UFO and SPACE: 1999 and the Japanese studios’ own Sixties sci-fi thrillers like ATRAGON and BATTLE IN OUTER SPACE than to George Lucas’ intergalactic epic.

    In the (then-future) year of 1988, UFOs attack the Earth. While the invaders are devastating New York, Paris, Tokyo and the world’s other major cities, a team of scientists race to complete a space battleship called Ghoten. Once launched, the ship and its crew head for Venus, to counterattack the aliens. Along the way, the only female crewmember (Yuko Asano) is kidnapped by the green-skinned, Roman-helmeted alien leader and his horned wookie, UFOs engage in high-speed dogfights with the Earth fighters above the barren Venusian landscape, and space ships explode impressively.

    The old school, handcrafted special effects work ““ finely detailed miniatures on mostly-invisible wires ““ is expertly executed and effective. The spaceships, in a decidedly Asian conceit, resemble sea-faring vessels, and the alien flagship is specifically modeled on ancient Roman sailing ship designs. The Ghoten features a huge drill bit (shades of ATRAGON!) and cool, giant revolvers that fire missiles and are also used to launch sleek, one-man fighters. The UFOs are original and unique. Made on a fraction of STAR WARS’ budget, WAR IN SPACE demonstrates that ingenuity and imagination can carry the day even when money’s tight.

    Discotek Media’s DVD presents WAR IN SPACE for the first time on U.S. home video (I believe) with a brilliant 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer, completely restored and remastered for this edition. Audio options include both the original Japanese language track and an English dub, presented in both the original mono and in a newly created 5.1 remix. The Japanese track is preferable, as it’s stronger and more robust. Discotek has also included a bevy of cool bonus features, including a fascinating video interview with special effects director Nakano Teruyoshi, the original theatrical trailer, an extensive still gallery, and an informative booklet that includes poster art, spaceship design sketches and informative liner notes.

    (NOTE: Some of the first batch of WAR IN SPACE discs released had an encoding problem causing playback issues. Discotek is aware of the problem, and if you get one of the defective DVDs, they’ll replace it for you for free. Visit their website at www.diskotekmedia.com for more information.)

    As a fan of outer space epics and Japanese fantasy films, I’ve been wanting to see this movie ever since I saw the poster art in a 1978 issue of Fantastic Films magazine. It took almost 30 years, but I wasn’t disappointed. It’s a terrific presentation of a great old-fashioned space opera, and I recommend it highly.

    That’s it for this installment, the longest DVD Late Show yet. I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. I’ll be back soon with more B-movie goodness, including a bunch of MASTERS OF HORROR discs from Anchor Bay.

    Toy Box: And just who the Hell do you think you are?

    Filed under: Toy Box — admin @ 8:15 am

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    June 20, 2006

    Welcome to the Toy Box! Rather than write a regular column this week, I thought I’d do a little introduction, talk about what you can expect, and get all acquainted and cozy like. I’m going to through some photos in here as well of various 2006 product that I’ve thought was sharp, to keep you entertained. And besides, I have to get the hang of this new fangled posting software.

    For those of you new to this site and this column, my name is Michael Crawford. No, I do not sing. No, I was not in Phantom of the Opera. And no, I was not Condorman. But I wish I was…well, except for that Condorman thing.

    I’ve been collecting action figures pushing 20 years now. It all started with Happy Meal toys, considered by many a gateway toy. Collect enough of those, and you find yourself in the aisles at Toys R Us (or in those days, Children’s Palace), looking for a more expensive fix. Then comes the whole mint on card phase, the open everything phase, the threats of committment from concerned family members, and the eventual label of ‘geek’.

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    I’ve always been a geek anyway, but the whole toy collecting bit just solidified it. I’ve been featured in several magazines, including Lo-Fi, where I was selected as the first interviewee in their “I Am Geek” column. I’ve been involved in the online toy community from the earliest beginnings, back before Al Gore invented the Internet. After years of writing online reviews that were posted to message boards or Usenet, I started my own site dedicated to them in January of 2000. Hey, I wanted to be sure we’d all survive before I put a lot of time into it.

    I’ve had the opportunity as a writer to contribute to several other sites, and have had articles featured on toy company sites as well, such as . I’ve been interviewed for sites like Mezco, Palisades, and Eternal Collector. And I’ve been happy to share my opinions with many companies on new and upcoming ideas and products, as long as they ask nice.

    Back in 2002 I was offered the chance to write about toys for a new site being developed by Kevin Smith. I broke out in goose pimples. Fortunately, they have an ointment for that, but I was excited about my gig at Movie Poop Shoot as well. I was one of the original contributors, and it’s my pleasure to move over to Quick Stop Entertainment now.

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    So all that means I like to write about toys, talk about toys, take photos of toys…I like toys. I’ll do my best over the next few weeks/months/years to impart wisdom, spew opinion, and occasionally flat out lie here at the Quickie. If you have any questions, I’ll do my best to answer them, and what I don’t know I can certainly find out from my friends in the industry. Occasionally I’ll rant, but generally you’ll get my thoughts on something in the pop culture collectible world.

    You can expect to see coverage of all kinds of goodies in my column, from action figures:

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    …to statues and busts:

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    …to even plush:

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    …from Star Wars:

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    …to superheroes:

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    …to monsters:

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    Anyone who loves pop culture crap should find something to love here!

    I structure my reviews in a very specific way, a way I came up with over a decade ago and still use today. You’ll also see it copied all over the net, but believe me, now you know where it started. I break my reviews into sections of interest: Packaging, Sculpting, Paint, Accessories, Articulation, Fun, Value and Overall. This structure works well because you can get a feel for the specific areas, areas that you may weight more heavily than I in you final assessment.

    For example, I might be reviewing a Mcfarlane ‘action’ figure that’s pretty much a plastic statue. Now, I know it’s going to be a plastic statue, and I go in expecting it. The articulation score is going to take a major hit, but when I get down to my overall, the weight of that category will be pretty small. However, you might be an articulation junkie, and the lack thereof is a deal breaker for you. If you only had my overall score to go by – or worse yet, no score to compare at all – you’d be left to guess as to whether YOU would feel the same way I do.

    Over time I’ve added additional sections to my reviews, sometimes based on reader’s input. I’ve also worked to continously improve the quality of the photography, ensuring that you see the toy as it really is, rather than as the company would like it to look. Sometimes that’s good – sometimes it’s not so good. But if you have suggestions, either on the style or the content, just let me know.

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    I don’t do features. I do reviews. Reviews are a critical look at what makes something good and bad – features are just fluff pieces about the particular item, good for marketing but not particularly good for you to make a valid decision. You won’t always agree with me – nor I with you – but always remember that it’s just one man’s opinion. A brilliant, handsome, and witty man, but a man nonetheless. Okay, so I’m not any of those things, but it was worth a shot.

    I’ll be attending and doing coverage at both the San Diego Comic Con and the Wizard World Chicago Con this summer, so if you see me in the aisles, say howdy. Finding me might be tough though – locating someone at SDCC is sorta like trying to find a geek in a nerd haystack.

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    If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, feel free to drop me an email at mwc@mwctoys.com. If you enjoy this column, take a minute to check out my other site at Michael’s Review of the Week, and let me know what you think. I’ll do my best to have a new column up here every Tuesday, and I promise a review of something nifty next week!

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