FRED Entertainment

February 22, 2007

QSE News: 2/22/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:56 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

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  • Michael Jackson is being sued on claims that his interference was the cause of a woman’s death. The family of the woman claims the hospital moved the gravely ill patient to another part of the hospital because Jackson was admitted and needed the room – thereby contributing to her passing. We at QSE offer our condolences to the family of the woman but at the same time ask what she was doing staying in the children’s ward of the hospital.
  • It’s reported that Britney Spears has left a rehab clinic after just 24 hours at the facility. Friends and family are surprised by Spears’s self-checkout from the clinic, stating that she “usually commits to something for the long term and never just gives up on stuff.”
  • It’s safe to say that Paul McCartney will not be watching the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars. Representatives for ABC announced the lineup of stars for the new season and included on the list is McCartney’s money-grubbing ex, Heather Mills. While nothing is official, insiders say that Mills will concentrate on Hip Hop dancing and has even selected the song “One Leg Up” by rapper Half Pint as her first dance number.
  • David Lee Roth will not be reuniting with the Van Halen family after all. According to tour promoters, the reunion tour will not be happening. When asked for comment Eddie Van Halen said “Man, I… damn. I was just… it’s just there was… not on Thursday man. I’m tellin’ you… [EXPLETIVE DELETED] coke man… so that’s where we’re at. I wanted… yeah… [EXPLETIVE DELETED] Roth can’t… man!”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/22/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:11 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Check out the very quickly abandoned TV redesign of Mickey Mouse in this 1995 Nash commercial… (Thingamabob)
  • The great Harry Chapin… “It was rainin’ hard, in ‘frisco”… (Thingamabob)
  • Randy Newman has gone to YouTube and does what Randy Newman always does, brilliantly… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 21, 2007

Noctural Admissions: Movie Review – Ghost Rider

Filed under: Columns,Nocturnal Admissions,Reviews — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:01 am
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Is Ghost Rider really an adaptation of the popular Marvel comic character? If it were, wouldn’t it contain at least some components of the comic’s 200-or-so-issue heritage, rather than consist of an anthology of modern superhero film tics and predictable plot situations?

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The movie’s Ghost Rider is Johnny Blaze (Nicolas Cage), who as a youth (Matt Long, a Tom Cruise clone) in a traveling daredevil carnival show makes a deal with the devil (Peter Fonda, hammily channeling David Carradine from Kill Bill) to save the life of his father (Brett Cullen). Naturally, there is a loop hole. Years later, Satan returns to call in his chit, which requires that as night falls, Johnny becomes the Ghost Rider, a bounty hunter sent out to retrieve those apparitions who have escape hell’s circles, specifically, one Blackheart (Wes Bentley, made up to look like Pugsley), who is rounding up other souls, or “ž whatever. This proves awkward, because by now Johnny has become a world famous stunt rider in the mode of Evel Knievel, able to take risks because thanks to Satan’s contract, and like the cheerleader herself, he cannot be harmed. Also, Johnny has just been reunited with the love of his life, Roxanne (Eva Mendes).

The history of the comic book character is complex. He may appear new, but in fact he was a character in Tim Holt comics from the early 1950s resurrected by Marvel as a cowboy comic hero in 1967 when the original trademark ownership lapsed. After then he was changed even more, the short-lived seven-issue cowboy comic eventually giving way to the new, horror-inflected character when Marvel went Goth in the early 1970s (and then there was a re-imagined line of Ghost Rider comics starting in 1990).

Ghost Rider rider

Out of all those comic books, there must have been at least one or two iconic, definitive tales that could bear adaptation. But as with almost all the Marvel adaptations in the last several years, not to mention what’s done in Batman and Superman movies, the comics are more or less ignored in favor of familiar big bang blockbuster movie tropes, which Hollywood seems to think the public wants more than accurate adaptations. And they may be right, since Ghost Rider made over 50 million its opening weekend. This is why Alan Moore is always peeved at what is done to his books, and why we Moore acolytes pray that there is never a movie adaptation of Watchmen (though we might be willing to accept an HBO mini series). But even without too much of the comic’s iconography the filmmakers still had potentially interesting material, since there aren’t that many devil pact movies (there’s Crossroads and Bedazzled, and only a few others).

But then, almost all movies today are cartoons. There are almost all animation, with the actors performing either before a green screen or wearing the swaddling clothes of green screen material. It’s a Photoshop World where we can’t believe anything in it.

Ghost Rider Cage

Essentially a werewolf story in misdirecting garb Ghost Rider depends for its success on our affection for its title character. Blaze is a reluctant hero with quirks, among them a fixation on an old love. Eventually, that love will be held hostage, so that he must save her (and the world), only, then, to take on the world’s burdens and abandon her yet again. It’s an “origin” story, too, so there is a great deal of sluggish engine grinding which puts the audience about two scenes ahead of the filmmakers at every turn. It all takes place in a dingy world of back alleys and tour busses.

Blaze is a loner surrounded by men who admire him. He watches a lot of TV, especially a show in which a monkey does karate. Blaze cackles over it with an instantaneousness that rivals Mel Gibson’s affection for the Three Stooges in Lethal Weapon. Blaze also likes the Carpenters (even though the love of his life is named Roxanne; shouldn’t he be playing the Police?). He talks to himself in the mirror a like, like Mark Wahlberg in Boogie Nights, and sounds and points like Elvis, even confessing to a desire to become a police officer when he retires from his current carney ways. He drinks coffee out of the pot.

Ghost Rider Eva

But for an action hero he’s not particularly active. For the first hour and ten minutes he comes to “know” his new self, under the mentorship of a predecessor (Sam Elliott). Even then, he only dispenses with about two deadly spirits, and drives around a bit on his flame dispensing motorcycle.

Ghost Rider Wes

The villains have pale faces and wear long black leather dusters. Though the music score hints occasionally at Morricone, the film as a whole doesn’t take the cue and go full bore spaghetti western. Villain Blackheart goes looking for colleagues in a biker bar (like the Terminator), then illogically meets up with Mephistopheles, then looks for a graveyard, all along the way killing people who are actually quite helpful. When he absorbs the spirits of others, they enter his body through his mouth. The final battle scene is as boring as we have come to expect from such films, and when the villain dies it is via an intangible, fake, unconvincing pain that makes him writhe orgasmically but you don’t know why, you don’t know what GR actually did to him, given how boringly ineffective the film makes his powers. It’s all a terrible waste.

QSE News: 2/21/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:58 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

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  • Goodfellas actor Ray Liotta was busted this weekend on suspicion of driving while intoxicated.  With all of the non-traditional advertising for movies going on, studio executives remain non-plussed and are now planning to have Liotta wear a special orange jumpsuit emblazoned with an ad for the star’s new movie, Wild Hogs, while he picks up garbage along some of LA’s busiest highways.
  • The British band Bloc Party stopped a concert after lead singer Kele Okereke was hit with a coin thrown by an audience member. After Okereke was checked out and deemed fit to continue, the band did return to finish the concert with no further issues. After the concert the band released a statement saying “Look, if you are going to throw stuff at us, throw naked women.”
  • DC Comics has announced that they will follow up its hugely successful weekly series 52 with another weekly called Countdown.  When news of the pending series hit, stock prices for Frito Lay and Pepsi Cola plummeted as many investors speculated that geek money will now be spent on the upcoming weekly and not on the traditional geek dietary staples of Cheetos and Mountain Dew.
  • And finally, file this one under “It’s About Damn Time.”  NBC has finally shot the dying dog that is Studio 60, announcing late Monday that drama will not be returning to its Monday night slot – or any slot, for that mater.  NBC is expecting to field numerous calls from angry viewers demanding that “they not cancel the show because we absolutely ADORE Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin.”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/21/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:51 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • This feels like a “We’re Talkin’ Softball” kind of day… (Thingamabob)
  • A taste of Louis Theroux’s exploration of the UFO subculture… (Thingamabob)
  • Okay, this is hands-down the creepiest thing I’ve heard today… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 20, 2007

Toy Box: Jabba’s Throne

Filed under: Columns,Toy Box — admin @ 8:46 pm
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Jabba the Hutt is one bad mamma jamma. Oh, Lucas tried to ruin the character by adding in that ridiculous scene at the hanger, turning him briefly into a whiny bitch, willing to leg that poor white trash Solo step on his tail without repercussion. But some of us can still remember him fondly as the disgusting, bloated, stinky and dangerous crime lord.

While Jabba didn’t have all that much screen time, he was the center piece of two of the best loved sequences in all the films, first when Luke arrives to speak with him and then goes on to battle the Rancor, and then again on the barge in the sequence that spelled doom for so many, including Jabba and Fett. These two sequences produced so many unforgettable scenes – dancing slave girls, the terrific Rancor, Han in carbonite and Leia in her brass bra… and Jabba was at the center of it all.

Therefore it’s no surprise that he’s been a regular in the action figure and statue world. Now Sideshow is releasing a huge sixth scale version of both The Hutt and his impressive throne (or dais). I’m going to review Jabba and his throne separately, because that’s how you buy them from Sideshow, and you might – for some bizarre reason – only want one or the other. I’ll be covering the throne here at QSE, with my review of Jabba going up later today at MROTW.

“Jabba’s Throne”

Jabba’s Throne was sold as a regular release, but in the U.S. was available only through Sideshow’s website. The edition size is 4200, and the cost was $199.

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Packaging – ***
The throne comes in a large box – a very large box. There’s some very simple photos on the exterior of the prototype version, with a little text. There’s the edition number on the base, but although this is a ‘Sideshow site exclusive’, there’s no exclusive sticker on the front. The base is packed quite safely inside, but getting it out isn’t as huge a nightmare as say, the Premium Format Mummy.

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Sculpting – ****
The throne is made out of polystone, with some metal, rubber and other goodies thrown in for fun. The website estimates the weight at 20 lbs, which is probably a bit more than it actually is, but it’s damn close. This is one big, honkin’ display. It is about 17″ deep and 29″ wide, with plenty of room to fit Jabba, Salacious Crumb, and even Bib Fortuna. The actual throne is about 13″ tall if you measure up to the height of the hooka bowl.

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I’ve learned through years of reviewing figures that it’s almost impossible to give someone a feel for how large the truly large collectibles are. No matter what you photograph them with, including people, it doesn’t really impress the sheer volume they take up. That’s what this throne (and the companion Jabba) are like. Until you have this thing in your hands, you won’t be able to process just how big it really is.

But I’ll tell you anyway – it’s huge. This is a centerpiece of the collection sort of thing, the type of item that would look great in a museum and even better in your home theater.

The throne sports a beautiful sculpt. The rocky lower base has perfect texturing, giving the appearance of actual stone blocks with grout lines in between. The single eyed gargoyle serpents around the front (six in all) have the texture and appearance of metal, and have real metal rings in their mouths. The rail behind the base is more smooth than the base, but has enough texture to appear as carved stone. On top of the rail, hidden by the hooka from anyone standing in front of Jabba, is the small control panel that can open the trap door to the Rancor. There are actually a couple buttons – perhaps one of them releases the hounds.

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The hooka and bowl have the most intricate of the small details, but these are a tad softer than I had expected. It looks like the original prototype sculpt was quite intricate, but that some of this detail was lost in the manufacturing process. The hooka bowl on top is a hard plastic, with the clear ‘food’ bowl underneath. There’s a couple little tasty treats down inside the nasty looking liquid in this bowl as well.

The hooka pipe is connected to the bowl with a PVC tube. It is quite sturdy, and is less likely to wear or break than cheaper alternatives. That also means that it is tough to straighten it out though, once folded up inside the box. It will take some time for it to return to a more relaxed look.

I do wish that they had some sort of added hook for the pipe itself to attach. If Jabba isn’t holding it, you end up hooking it on the bowl itself in a makeshift way, and while it might not be movie accurate, adding a place to attach it would have made the diorama more attractive.

You will be putting this diorama together of course. The base has two holes for the large steel pegs on the railing, and the hooka attachs to the rail with a magnet set inside an indentation. While that’s it for assembly, you’ll probably find yourself dealing with the metal hoops quite a bit. These can fall out of the mouths or get turned at odd angles within the teeth fairly easily. To move or replace them, find the small break in the metal hoop and use that to put the hoop over the teeth. Put it over the back teeth on one side then turn the hoop until the space is on the other side and put it over those back teeth. Obviously, take some care to avoide damaging the fangs.

Paint – ***1/2
For such a large scale item, there isn’t a huge number of colors, or even a large number of small paint details. Most things are pretty broadly decorated, but it’s the subtle variations in individual colors and the shading of different areas that makes the throne so realistic in appearance.

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The paint application is clean and even, with almost no slop – at least none that’s unintentional. The gold on the hooka bowl is a little too bright and untarnished for my tastes, making the hooka look a tad more toy-ish than I expected, but it’s a pretty minor annoyance. Adding a light inside the hooka would have been great, and would have definitely justified the two hundred buck price tag.

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Articulation – Bupkis
There’s no real moving parts on this set. Oh, I suppose you could say the hooka pipe moves, but that’s not a point of articulation. Still, I had no expectation that anything would move, so this score will have no effect on my overall.

Accessories – ***
The set comes with a nice group of accessories, although I think folks will wish that some of the additional creatures that had been sold separately were actually included.

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The diorama comes with two sculpted resin pillows, that look as uncomfortable as they sound; a plate of goodies for Mr. Hutt; and a leather (and it’s real leather) ‘drape’ that can be placed anywhere you like, although most of the time it’s under Jabba’s big ass, keeping him soft and secure.

The pillow sculpts and paint work is fine, but not outstanding. Neither look too convincingly like actual pillows, although I don’t know how you could have pulled off the mangy, nasty, stained look going with the real thing. The bronze plate of food looks good, and is nicely scaled to the rest of the environment. The throw rug is made from a nice, high quality leather, but is much, much less ragged and beaten than the prototype version. There’s a feeble attempt to rough it up, and a couple holes are punched on one edge, but this is clearly a brand new throw rug that Jabba just picked up at the local Ikea.

All the best goodies for this diorama have been sold separately in two different creature packs through Sideshow. The Salacious Crumb pack included Salacious of course, along with a Goul, Wortt, Sand Skitter and Veractyl, and the Buboicullaar pack includes Bubo, a couple Womp rats and a rock wart. Several of these creatures would be right at home on Jabba’s throne, but you’ll need to shell out the extra cash to outfit it right.

Fun Factor – ***
This is clearly not a kid’s toy, but that doesn’t mean the kid in you won’t have some fun with it. It’s a ‘set up it and look at it’ sort of fun, but adults find the oddest things entertaining. The ooh’s and ahh’s from your Star Wars fan friends will be their own sort of fun.

Value – **1/2
At $200, the throne isn’t cheap. But considering the size and detail, along with a decent assortment of extras, it’s priced about right. At around $150 it would have been an easy three stars. The big issue here really isn’t the cost of the throne, it’s the cost of the complete package. I do think it was a good idea to split Jabba and the throne up for purchasing, because there will be folks that decide getting Jabba by himself is good enough. I don’t know anyone though that will be picking up just the throne, so in reality you’re looking at another $120 for the big guy.

Things to Watch Out For –
Be very careful with those metal hoops. You don’t want your poor gargoyles to be missing teeth.

Overall – ***1/2
This is a truly impressive throne for a truly disgusting character. It has a few minor issues, but this is a diorama that is very much a ‘center of the collection’ type item. Add in Bib, Jedi Luke, and Salacious Crumb, along with the upcoming Boussh Leia and Buboicullaar, and you’ll have a diorama that will rival almost anything in the collections of even the big boys.

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Scoring Recap –
Packaging – ***
Sculpt – ****
Paint – ***1/2
Articulation – Bupkis
Accessories – ***
Fun Factor – ***
Value – **1/2
Overall – ***1/2

Where to Buy –
Sideshow’s the spot – click here to head over and get on the wait list. You have other options for the regular release of Jabba as well:

– Dark Figures is the only dealer I know that has the throne available outside of Sideshow. Technically, this is a Sideshow site exclusive, but Dark Figures has them listed at the full $199 as well.

– CornerStoreComics has him at $101.99.

– Alter Ego Comics also has him fro 101.99

– as does Amazing Toyz, who has just gotten him in stock.

– if you’re in the U.K., you can find this throne at Forbidden Planet for 140 pounds, or the Jabba for 70.

– the Salacious figure to go with the throne is just $28 right now on sale over at Dark Shadow Collectibles.

Related Links –
I’ve reviewed a ton of Star Wars 12″ figures, the the ones that go most specifically with this set are Bib Fortuna and Jedi Luke.

Party Favors: An Interview with Cathouse‘s Dennis Hof

Filed under: Columns,Interviews,Joe Corey's Party Favors — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:27 am
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dennishof.jpgCARSON CITY, NEVADA — Dennis Hof is America’s Pimpmaster General. In the course of five years he’s captivated America by inviting us to get a peek inside his Bunny Ranch brothel thanks to HBO’s Cathouse, directed by Patti Kaplan, America’s most influential filmmaker. In order to promote the fresh batch of episodes now airing, The Party Favors was given a chance to phone up Dennis Hof, Brooke Taylor and Bunny Love’s luxurious hotel suite in Manhattan.

Dennis gave me his history of the show. “It started out in 2002 as an hour documentary under the America Undercvover umbrella . It was their highest rated non-fiction show. They said ‘Oh my god, let’s do it again.’ So in 2003, the same thing. Then in 2005 we came out with the 11 week series that blew the door off all the series numbers. Last night I was with the guys from The Sopranos that do the radio show “The Wise Guys.” They said, ‘Your show equals or beats us OnDemand every week.’ Now what we’re doing is what (HBO) is calling the second season, I’m calling it the fourth. I don’t know who’s right. All I know is they’ve been shooting it for five years.

“You have a documentary, but you also have a soap opera. You got me splitting up with Sunset (Thomas), Me hooking up with the twins. And now me being with Brooke. You have Air Force Amy leaving in a huff. Now she’s coming back. You have all this craziness going on in there and it’s a business that’s operating. And it’s a bit of a porn movie. It’s everything.”

Dennis knows exactly what he’s doing in allowing the cameras to probe his life and business.

“My goal in this is twofold. Number one is promotion for my business. I am the P.T. Barnum of Booty. This what I do to promote my business. And number two: Legalization is the right thing to do. It eliminates all the exploitation. The right wingers like Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity will convince you that all working girls are underaged, ethnic, short shorts, crackpipe with a black pimp down the street. They teach you that all prostitutes have diseases and are drug addicts. Why else would they work?”

Prior to Cathouse, HBO had aired Hookers at the Point, a series of documentaries by Brent Owens about street walkers. It validated the opinions of the right wingers about “the game” as it was calling in Pimps Up, Ho’s Down.

“Here we come along,” Dennis said. “Oh wait a minute; look at these girls. They’re educated. They’re having fun. I told Sean Hannity on camera that these girls aren’t working for you at Fox News for 30 years to get a gold watch. They’re going to retire in five years with a million dollar stock portfolio and never work another day. The show changes the stigma. We invited America into our house. And they love our house.

“When I do a conservative radio show, 8 out of 10 people will call in and say “Dennis has got it right.” We’ve got to control this. I look at myself as a guy who is single handedly cleansing this vice. Look at the dirty gangsters during prohibition. Now look at Seagrams and Budweisers. Thirty years ago when I moved to Nevada, it was the dirty little secret of America. The gaming was a dirty secret. Now it’s everywhere. The biggest gaming in the world is the California lotto.

dennishof-05.jpg“My vision, my dream is to close up half the Starbucks in America and make mini-Bunny Ranch Expresses out of them. Stop by for a little tension release. Starbucks has everybody amped up on caffeine. I want to bring ’em down a notch. A guy can come out of his office, go to the Bunny Ranch Express and fifteen minutes he’s back in his office and it’s not so bad of a day for him.”

Dennis has seen a lot of changes in the industry in the years since he bought the Bunny Ranch. In the first episode of the new season, Brooke Taylor calls her mother after her first party with a paying client. Did the women called back to home to share the good news when he first started?

Dennis said, “No. Absolutely not. Fifteen years ago when I got there, these girls wouldn’t tell anybody they were working girls. All that has changed. It’s cool to be a Bunny Ranch Girl. (Brooke) called her mom. I’ve gotten to know her mom. Her mom went on the Dr. Keith Ablow show with her and talked about how when they were at Toys ‘R Us when (Brooke) told her she was going to be a hooker.

“It’s a different world now. I was a very edgy guy 15 years ago. I was a wild cowboy from Carson City Nevada. Now with the internet, (you hear about) all this craziness with dogs, goats and 12 year olds. And you have the predator series on (Dateline) NBC. You’ve got Bill Clinton trying to prove to the world that a blow job isn’t sex. I’m a pretty straight guy, now. I’m a Boy Scout, now. With the sanitizing of this business, has come better girls and better customers. Girls are proud to be here. Guys are proud to say they are customers. It’s gotten bigger and better.

While some subjects of reality shows control what makes it to the air (Gene Simmons & Hugh Hefner), Dennis isn’t overriding Patti Kaplan’s directorial decisions.

“I don’t see everything that’s on there until the finished product,” Dennis declared. “I don’t look at the dailies. I don’t care to. Whatever it is, it is. I don’t give HBO any parameters except to have fun. If something goes on that’s crazy or negative, then it goes on. I don’t try to control the content in any way shape or form. I don’t think it’s the fair thing to do for my public. You don’t want to make a fluff piece where everything is fine. Did I feel good about Air Force Amy freaking out that time and loading up all her shit? No. I didn’t like it at all. But that’s what happened. She got herself worked up. She’d been drinking. She’s an alcoholic and was back drinking. But now she’s back. The sex business is positive. There’s a lot of high energy. I don’t like negative stuff. But I don’t control it.”

Dennis enjoyed seeing the first episode of this season since it does feature his new main lady, Brooke getting her start.

Dennis gushed, “That was her first party at the Ranch that we videoed. That was amazing because she looked like a pro pornstar to me. I had to take her to the bedroom and fuck her after watching that.”

Of course the ultimate highlight of the first episode was the introduction of Tiffany, a new Bunny Ranch employee who had a strange attitude toward working as a hooker.

“The first show was kinda weird with Tiffany saying, I’m not going to line up. I’m not going to suck a cock. I can’t wait to find out what this dumb bitch does in the second show,” Dennis said.

dennishof-021.jpgBunny Love at one point had to finish up one of Tiffany’s customers since she refused to give a half and half. Bunny was taken back by the newbie’s career attitude. “It was an interesting personal choice,” Bunny said. “Some girls decide not to do anal. Some girls don’t like to do blow jobs.”

Dennis chimed in, “Can you believe that?”

Brooke had an even closer encounter with Tiffany when they shared a threesome party. Tiffany however decided that while the customer paid for the attention of two women – only Brooke was going to play. Tiffany reluctantly dropped her top and barely touched the guy on the arms.

“Tiffany is a trip,” Brooke said. “I asked Dennis, did she come in just for HBO? I thought she was completely obnoxious.” Brooke didn’t enjoy sharing a client with Tiffany in the party. “She didn’t do anything. From what the producer told me, she acted like the (client) wanted her more. He did not care about her.”

Brooke is proof of how Patti Kaplan is the most influential director in America. A few years ago, she was merely a fan of the show. She had a nice job in a nice town in middle America. She decided to step through screen and be a part of the action.

“How I found out about the Bunny Ranch was from watching Cathouse,” Brooke said. “I met Carla from the last series, when she came back to the Ranch. It was like meeting a celebrity. I’m like, do you know how many times I’ve masturbated to you? I could quote all her lines. I was a fan of the show so it was really exciting to be a part of it. To hopefully be an inspiration to other girls like they were to me.”

While many women get into the business, few have their early days documented. How did Brooke feel knowing that millions of Americans would be following her progress via HBO? “I’m type of person that if I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it full force. And that’s how I took it doing the Cathouse series. That’s why I told my family that I might as well be honest and go full force with it. Balls out, so to speak.”

The episodes were shot nearly a year ago. What does Brooke think when she sees herself arrive at the airport ready to embrace her new career? “I was completely green,” Brooke confessed. “I watched the first episode and I see how wide-eyed and innocent I was. Doing the sex scene, I was really nervous beforehand. But once I went in there, you don’t see the cameras. I had had sex before numerous times, so it took over and I just had fun with it.”

dennishof-03.jpgAlong with embracing the career, the series documents her becoming Dennis’ new girlfriend. She had never been in an open relationship, but as they approach their first anniversary, she seems very comfortable with the dynamic. “Yeah. I view people’s sexuality as an individual not as a couple. I completely understand men’s urges and desires. If they didn’t have those urges and desires, I wouldn’t be in business. Having been in this business, it helps me to have a relationship like I have with Dennis. It’s nice. I totally appreciate when I can find a hot girl and bring her home with us to share. Sharing is caring.”

A major test in the relationship occurs when Sunset Thomas returns to the Ranch to see Dennis. During the first two specials, Sunset was Dennis’ woman. Was Brooke nervous at the ex-girlfriend haunting the ranch?

“I was OK with it,” Brooke said. “I figured if Dennis had wanted to be back with Sunset, he’d be back with Sunset. HBO kinda wanted controversy, but I hope I didn’t give it to them. Sunset was very nice to me when she was there. It was awkward cause I didn’t know how she would be and she didn’t know how I would be. I think it went OK. My nerves about it came from other people. We knew she was coming in so people kept saying how do you feel about Sunset coming here? Sunset! Sunset! Sunset! Stop relax, it’s all OK. And at the end of the day, it all went fine.

“I think if it happened today, I’d have no problem. I wouldn’t have any nerves. I’m very secure with Dennis now. It was the beginning of our relationship. We were still getting to know each other. It kinda threw an imbalance in there. But I just stayed with what I knew. I knew that I was with him. I was at the Ranch. She wasn’t there. She was coming in to visit. I tried to remain as calm as possible. I think the people around me were more afraid of my reaction to her than I was.”

She has grown a lot in the year at the Ranch especially when it come to exploring her bisexuality. “My first experience with a woman was at the Bunny Ranch. Over this year, I’ve really grown to enjoy them. I’m interested in seeing how my interactions with women are on the show. I know what it is now, but I want to see the differences.”

One of the women Brooke was able to please was Isabella Soprano, America’s Sweetwhore. “I’m in love with her. She was my favorite from the first show. You’ll see me and Isabella doing some things together. We have a little fun together.”

Isabella has made a splash starring fetish films and is no longer working at the Ranch. “She came down for the show and worked a bit. She made herself some money and is raising organic vegetables now,” Dennis said. “They work and do real well. Then they’ll hook up with a guy and the first thing he wants is for her to quit working. As soon as they split up with the guy, they’re back. That’s what I envision for Isabella.”

Another fan favorite to the Ranch is Bridget the Midget. Dennis has good news for her fans. “She had a baby and is coming back to work in the next week or so.”

Unlike the first special where the room negotiations were secretly filmed, the clients in the series know about HBO’s cameras ahead of time. Only one room in the house is wired up with the hidden cameras. HBO’s folks do an amazing Candid Camera job to keep out of the way of the real performers in the room. “We don’t know where they’re located in the room,” Brooke said. “They don’t tell us where they’re at. I kept looking for them and I couldn’t find them. I’m glad they didn’t tell me where they were because it helps me to forget they are there.”

Dennis is in the process of writing a book about his business for Harper Collins. “There’s No Business like Ho Business was the title Judith Regan liked,” Dennis said. He’s now considering Pimp’n Ain’t Easy. I suggested Pimpin’ Made Easy since people want to buy a book that simplifies the process.

People always like to ask Dennis about the Potter Twins. They were his rebound girlfriends after Sunset Thomas. Dennis has warning for those that dream of such a situation. “The two of them were a handful together. You separated them and they were very normal. You couldn’t go to dinner and sit between them. It was like playing ping pong. One would say one word of a sentence with a subject and the other one would pick up a skit from Second City. And they’d go back and forth. It’d make you nuts. They’re so bright they’re silly. So that didn’t work.”

So what is next on Dennis’ carnal “to do” list? “Triplets,” Dennis said. “I’m like the Fonz. I’m looking for the Hooper triplets. You never saw them on the show. But I’m looking for the Hooper triplets.”

dennishof-04.jpgRecently the show was visited by FoxNew’s Sean Hannity for his Hannity’s America series. Dennis enjoyed tripping up the self-righteous Hannity by being a perfect host. “He’s just a fish out of water there. But he loves the place. He’s a man,” Dennis said. “He’s got Brooke and Bunny in bed. They’re wearing scantily clad nighties. He took it in the homes of America at 6:30 on a Sunday night. He stands over the bed and asks the girls “Do you believe in God.” He’s waiting for one of those answers that they back into it like “maybe” and then he’s going to rip into them. Simultaneously these girls said “No!” It was like game over. He had this deer in the headlights look that was just fucking priceless. He had no idea where to go with that. He just looked at them.”

Fans of Grizzly Adams were delighted to see Dan Haggerty conducting a wedding at the brothel. It turns out that this is not a one time thing as another Ranch nuptials is in the works. “We’re trying to confirm a date with Dan,” Dennis said. “I got him ordained. Dan is the official pastor of the Bunny Ranch.” Shame they can’t get Bozo the bear to escort the bride down the aisle for an extra fee.

With the success of the show, there’s been a lot more visitors to the Ranch. Unlike a TGIFridays that’s all about getting the customers in and out, Dennis doesn’t enforce a buy or split attitude. There’s no time limit to sitting at the bar and meeting the various women that have appeared on the show. “Some guys do come and hang out and don’t find anything that they’re interested in. Maybe they want to meet every single girl in the whole Bunny Ranch before they make their decision,” Dennis said. “The guys are very scared coming in there. You watch the show. You go online. You fly out there. The next thing you know, you’re faced with a decision of 30 or 40 gorgeous girls. The toughest NFL guy crumbles in front of the girls. ‘I gotta get a drink’ really means they need a minute to regain their composure.”

The question always comes up that on Cathouse, guys get charged $5,000 for a fun time. And on Brent Owens’ Hookers at the Point films, we see guys have sex with skanky street walkers for $50. I ask Dennis if HBO will ever give us a show that allows a guy to have sex without losing the kid’s college fund or bringing home an STD for the wife? Where are the clean hookers for the middle class budget?

“The reality is this, you’re going to see a thousand guys spend $200 to $600 at the Bunny Ranch before one guy drops twenty five grand,” Dennis said. “It’s better television showing the big parties. That’s what HBO does to us. It’s almost like you’re fishing for whales. We had a guy a couple weeks ago drop $200,000. We had a guy who came in when the first series aired that spent a $1.7 million. He never left the place. It’s a free market. The girls are negotiable. They’re there to make money. Do they want guys to steal any booty from them? No. The guy needs to pay a fair amount. You come to the Ranch, come in there clean, have a good time, make the girls laugh, buy a couple drinks and your money will go a long way in the room.

“Even if you don’t want to have sex, partying with these girls is amazing. They’re beautiful. They’re young. They’re vibrant. They’re hot. They’re skilled. And they’re nasty. That’s wonderful. Sitting around the ranch having cocktails with 30 girls running around in g-strings – priceless.”

It was then that Dennis let me in on a secret. “The guys who spend the big big money, it’s not about sex. Bunny has a guy who spends $30,000 a time, tell him what the party consists of.” Bunny continued, “It consists of just hanging out, watching cartoons, going out for dinner and room service. He never watched cartoons before in his life until he met me.” There is a man willing to pay $30,000 to watch Adult Swim with Bunny. Dana Snyder is the voice of seduction?

Cathouse The Series is currently airing on HBO. I’m not sure of the time, but it’s on around the clock if you have HBO OnDemand. If you’re interested in visiting the Bunny Ranch, it’s located in Carson City – not Las Vegas. Carson City is about twenty minutes between Tahoe and Reno. Tell Dennis you’re a friend of the “Party Favors” and you’ll get an extra olive in your drink.

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QSE News: 2/20/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:39 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgJennifer Lopez and her husband Marc Anthony are reportedly looking into Scientology. Sources close to the couple report that Lopez has been looking for a religion that better suits her need for acting like a totally rotten and spoiled bitch. “Yeah,” the source said, “Jen has been really impressed how the religion has helped other Divas… like Cruise and Travolta.”
  • Actor Sylvester Stalone was recently detained at a Sydney airport when officials found prohibited items in his luggage.  While no official reports have been released, QSE News has learned that Stalone had “dangerous and potentially toxic” objects tucked into his carry on.  The “dangerous” item was apparently, a pocket knife, and we are just assuming that the “toxic” object is an advanced DVD of Stalone’s film Rocky Balboa.
  • Rapper Foxy Brown has been arrested for battery after an altercation with a New York beauty salon owner.  According to reports, Brown spit on the owner when he asked Brown to leave his salon.  Brown defended her actions saying that the owner was rude and called her “a talent-less, nappy ho.” Brown continued saying “no one gets away with calling her that.”  We here at QSE News completely disagree”¦ we’ve been getting away with calling her that for years.
  • XM Satellite Radio Holdings Inc. and Sirius Satellite Radio are in negotiations to merge, a move that would combine the two companies into a single giant satellite radio provider. Along with combined assets, a merger between the two companies would guarantee at least 25 more Howard Stern channels and 100 other channels containing crap that no one listens to.
  • A collection of original printings of John Steinbeck novels has sold at auction for over $200,000 – including a copy of “The Grapes of Wrath” which sold for $47,800.  The news has polarized students and teachers with teachers being “tickled pink” and students “extremely [EXPLETIVE DELETED] pissed that they have to read this crap over the new one from Stephen King.”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/20/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:35 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • You’ve seen the new Simpsons movie trailer, right? (Thingamabob)
  • In honor of Daniel Radcliffe’s turn in Equus, here’s the Nestle MilkyBar kid… (Thingamabob)
  • Go behind the scenes of all your favorite Disneyland rides courtesy of the DVDs from the fine folks at the Extinct Attractions Club… (Thingamabob)
  • Did you know that songwriter Charles Strouse originally used the tune that would eventually become the song “Tomorrow” in the musical Annie for a short film advertising the Arrow Shirt Company? Click here and be weirded out by Bizarro-“Tomorrow”… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

##

February 19, 2007

SModcast 3

Filed under: SModcast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:00 pm

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SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.

The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.

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SModcast 3: Sex and Violence and Bathrobes –

In which our heroes plot to bilk the innocent out of a buck a pop, reminisce about an over-crowded condo, spend far too much time dreaming up the ultimate guest list, finally reveal the horrifying tale (tail?) of the Dog Fight, relive their own bloodiest battles, make with talk of a first handy, and recall a homoerotic adventure that finds two teens partially disrobing, strictly for the sake of boyhood shenanigans.

[CONTENT WARNING] SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
SModcast 3 (MP3 format) – 58.47 MB

[display_podcast]

SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes
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Wanna add your two cents? Spend it here, in the SModcast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SMODCAST ARCHIVES

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Widge Goes Off #22: This Product Can Be Ignited Under Certain Circumstances

Filed under: Widge Goes Off — widge @ 5:36 am

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[CONTENT WARNING] This podcast contains foul language and a content warning that’s so good apparently people can rip it off to use on their own podcasts.

DOWNLOAD: The link is below. Scroll, my minions. Scroll.

widgepic.jpgAll the box office nonsense I could tolerate, assuming there’s any at all, is in the podcast. For more, check out Box Office Mojo.

I’m not done with Speedball/Penance. Now you can buy a t-shirt.

P.S. Yes, I know I refer to Identity Catharsis as Infinite Catharsis. The mega-mondo events kind of ooze together into one big glob for me.

Special thanks to Exit Mindbomb for letting me use “Godzilla Will Rule You” from their album Happy Accident for my new WGO music. Check them out on MySpace here and I tried to link up as many songs as I could here.

Widgett Walls is the chief cook and bottle washer for Needcoffee.com. He’s also the author of Mystics on the Road to Vanishing Point and Magnificent Desolation. His personal blog is at WidgettWalls.com, which he updates when he feels like it. He lives and works in Atlanta, Georgia. He hardly ever sleeps.

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Contest: Win Louis Theroux’s Call of the Weird!

Filed under: Contests — widge @ 3:37 am

Quick Stop Entertainment, in conjunction with Da Capo Books, is giving away a pair of copies of Louis Theroux’s new book, Call Of The Weird.

Long before Comedy Central’s The Daily Show was a glimmer in creator Lizz Winstead’s eye, there was another program that brilliantly satirized programs like 60 Minutes and 20/20 ““ it was Michael Moore’s TV Nation. One of the TV Nation correspondents was a Brit by the name of Louis Theroux, whose segments included memorable visits with the “new” Klu Klux Klan and NRA rocker Ted Nugent. In fact, it was exactly those profiles of subculture and celebrity that Theroux would explore with his post-TV Nation series Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekends, which originally aired on Bravo in the US and the BBC in the UK. In it, Louis traveled around America, seeking out and trying to make sense of fascinatingly oddball American subcultures such as professional wrestling, rappers, swingers, UFO enthusiasts, etc. In addition, he’s spent face-to-face time with various unique, somewhat eccentric celebrities in his series When Louis Met”¦. Sadly, the Best of Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekends volumes available in the UK have not made their way to the US yet, but his recent companion book thankfully has. The Call of the Weird: Travels In American Subcultures (Da Capo Press, $24.00 SRP) finds Theroux following up on some of the subjects of those Weird Weekends, and it’s a positively wonderful read. Here’s hoping that a network in the US sees fit to begin airing his work Stateside ““ particularly as he’s just begun a brand new series of specials for the BBC, the first of which took him to Las Vegas in an effort to understand the siren call of gambling.

Enter the contest!
Email:
First name:
Last name:
Street Address:
Address Line 2 (if needed):
City:
State/Province/Whatever:
Zip Code/Postal Code:
Country:
Birth Month:
Birth Day:
Birth Year:

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59PM, EST, March 4th, 2007.

Winners will be notified by e-mail after the contest has closed.

Interview: Kerri Kenney-Silver

Filed under: Interviews — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:16 am

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-by Ken Plume

kerri-kenney-01.jpgThe big screen adventures of Reno’s “finest” opens this Friday, as Comedy Central’s Reno 911! makes its way from the small screen to the big in Reno 911!: Miami.

At the core of Reno‘s amazing troupe of actors is a trio whose performing history goes back to the legendary MTV via NYU sketch group The State – Thomas Lennon, Ben Garant, and Kerri Kenney-Silver.

After The State came to a close, Lennon, Garant & Kenney-Silver wrote & starred in the Euro-variety spoof Viva Variety. Their greatest TV success, though, would come with their portrayal as deputies Dangle, Junior, and Wiegel on Reno 911!, which is currently filming its fifth season (in addition to the release of that aforementioned feature). The first 3 seasons of Reno are currently available on DVD, and a single-disc “best-of” collection – Reno 911!: Most Wanted – has just been released.

I recently got a chance to go in-depth with Kerri Kenney-Silver about Reno, The State, Viva Variety, and much more…

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kerri-kenney-03.jpgKEN PLUME: It’s a pleasure to be speaking with you.

KERRI KENNEY-SILVER: It’s a pleasure to be speaking with you. I just clicked on, last night, the interview you did with Tom and Ben for Balls of Fury. It was really funny.

PLUME: Did that work?

KENNEY-SILVER: It was great. It was really great.

PLUME: It’s kind of being put in the hot seat, to talk to both of them…

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh, please.

PLUME: Particularly when I’ve heard such horror stories about what they can be like.

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh, please…

PLUME: True enfant terribles.

KENNEY-SILVER: (laughing)

PLUME: Which I guess, considering how old they’ve gotten, “enfant” really doesn’t apply anymore…

KENNEY-SILVER: It’s so true. We’re so old.

PLUME: No, no, nonsense. They are.

KENNEY-SILVER: We’re like the borscht belt now.

PLUME: You sound like you’re out there touring as The State…

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah, exactly.

PLUME: In Vegas.

KENNEY-SILVER: Right.

PLUME: When you open the new theater at The Mirage, “The State Theater…

KENNEY-SILVER: Right, exactly…

PLUME: Maybe that’s when you need to call it quits.

KENNEY-SILVER: No, that’s when we really get going I think.

PLUME: And, on Sundays, you do Viva Variety.

KENNEY-SILVER: Yep, for a brunch show.

PLUME: Yes, for the kids. Just to change things up a bit.

KENNEY-SILVER: Right.

PLUME: And to give time for everyone else to go off and shoot some special for VH1.

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah. We need some more Where Were They When.

PLUME: Why not go back to the 20s? I remember prohibition in the 30s…

KENNEY-SILVER: Of course. Those are the golden yeas.

PLUME: It’s only a matter of time before they go back.

KENNEY-SILVER: I remember you from then. That was a fun time.

PLUME: The whole flapper movement in the 20s.

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh, you looked great in those skirts.

PLUME: Well, I tried. I didn’t have the legs for it, though.

KENNEY-SILVER: What a figure…

PLUME: Did you real the interview we had done with Carlos (Alazraqui)?

KENNEY-SILVER: I did not. I just heard about it. It’s on your interview with Tom and Ben.

PLUME: In which he claimed credit for everything in the world…

KENNEY-SILVER: Of course he did.

PLUME: And he never corpses…

KENNEY-SILVER: Right, no.

PLUME: In fact he admonishes others when they break down in a scene.

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh Jesus. Did Tom and Ben tell you about the jar that we used to have? That you’d have to put money in every time you laughed?

PLUME: There’s a corpse jar?

KENNEY-SILVER: Yes. You had to put, our first season, five dollars in a jar if you cracked up and it ruined a take. You could crack up in a take, but if it ruined the take, you had to put five dollars in the jar. By the end of the season, Carlos had essentially bought us lunch. The whole crew.

PLUME: Did he even have a fee left by the end?

KENNEY-SILVER: No, exactly. He owed us money for being on the show by the end.

PLUME: So was he one of the chief proponents for getting rid of that for future seasons?

KENNEY-SILVER: We just, you know, it just got so silly because we all… you can’t help but laugh sometimes, and when Tom and Ben and I started laughing in the middle of the take it was like, “You know what? Never mind. Let’s forget about the jar.”

PLUME: So, really, the only ones who lost out were the crew.

KENNEY-SILVER: Exactly. No more free lunches. Now they have to pay for their lunch.

PLUME: You issue little lunch cards, like school, right?

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah. It’s 20 dollars for a rubber veggie burger.

PLUME: It shows how much you care about them.

KENNEY-SILVER: It’s so true. And they deserve it.

PLUME: Sometimes, they even deserve less.

KENNEY-SILVER: That’s true. 25 dollars.

PLUME: Well that’ll be Season Five. They don’t know that yet, do they?

KENNEY-SILVER: Season Five is they cook us lunch.

PLUME: It’d be great if you actually set up little burners for them.

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah, they each get to cook… and we judge them, and they get paid based on how good their lunch is.

PLUME: So, in other words, from now on it’s gonna turn into a county fair.

KENNEY-SILVER: Mm-hmm. Yeah. There’ll be someone making cream pies…

PLUME: There’ll be chili day.

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah. I’m looking forward to the corn dog booth.

PLUME: And whoever’s in last place gets fired.

KENNEY-SILVER: Exactly. Well, that happens anyway.

PLUME: But hey, it’s worth it for the funnel cakes.

KENNEY-SILVER: Exactly.

PLUME: Is this what you thought the interview would be like?

KENNEY-SILVER: Completely… Well, as I said, I saw your other interviews, so yes. I was completely prepared.

PLUME: If we were to go back a bit, you certainly do come from an entertainment dynasty, as it were…

KENNEY-SILVER: That’s an interesting word for it, certainly.

PLUME: Did you perceive that while you were growing up, that your father did something that was not run of the mill?

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah. Certainly when you go to school for career day and you tell other kids at school, whose parents are doctors, that your father is a cartoon bird, it is definitely different. But I always wanted to do what he did. I always emulated him and I would go with him to auditions and watch him do his cartoons and things. Yeah, always emulated him. My father – I don’t know if you know this – he was also the host of Bowling for Dollars.

PLUME: That, I did not know.

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah. And he also did soap operas and things. I knew that I wanted to perform like him, always.

PLUME: At what point did you actually perceive that that was something that was unique?

KENNEY-SILVER: I don’t think it ever felt unique growing up. I think it just felt like that’s what my dad does. But I think when I started to realize that other kids’ parents didn’t make cartoon bird voices for a living, maybe that was a little bit different.

PLUME: Did you ever encounter any jealousy from the other kids?

KENNEY-SILVER: You know, I went to a party one time in New York, when Tom and Ben and I were at NYU, and someone said to me, just making small talk, “So, what do your parents do?” And I said, “Well, my father is the voice of the Cocoa Puffs bird and Lion-O from Thundercats.” And they said, “No he’s not.” “Yes he is.” And they said, “I just met someone last week who claimed that their father was the voice of the Cocoa Puffs bird and the voice of Count Chocula and the voice of Lion-O from the Thundercats.” And I’m thinking, if you’re gonna make up a lie, wouldn’t you come up with something a little bit better than my dad’s the Cocoa Puffs bird? So someone was out there basically coveting my life.

PLUME: Or it was part of that period when you were just drifting in and out of different realities…

KENNEY-SILVER: When I was on crack, yeah, it could be that too. When I was drifting in and out of reality from my schizophrenia.

PLUME: Trying to trade the information about your father’s career for rocks.

KENNEY-SILVER: That still happens. I have a kid now; I gotta do what I gotta do.

PLUME: Well now the DVDs are out, the cache of being the son of Lion-O is back.

KENNEY-SILVER: It’s back. Are they on DVD?

PLUME: Yes.

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh really? I didn’t know that! Oh, I love it. That’s so great. I’m amazed at how many fans that… when we did Comic-Con, you were there…

PLUME: Yes…

KENNEY-SILVER: I’d never seen anything like that. I had no idea what a big deal that was, the cartoon world, the animation… I don’t know what you call it… That whole world. I had no idea how big a deal that was.

PLUME: You’ve done a good deal of voice work yourself. Do you find that sometimes there is a bit of a bubble that exists, just doing your work as a career, and not fully experiencing exactly what the impact is of, say, being a recurring character on Kim Possible?

KENNEY-SILVER: Like my dad, no one every knows who he is. People don’t come up to him and say, “Oh, you’re the voice on Imus in the Morning.” No one knows what he looks like. So yes, it’s certainly different. We get people coming up to us and saying, “Hey, you’re Trudy Wiegel!” “Hey Dangle!”

PLUME: It’s probably not the best way you want to be remembered.

KENNEY-SILVER: No, but it actually is pretty good, because in person, I can only do better. What I constantly hear from people is, “Wow, you’re not as retarded and ugly as you are on TV.” Which is, you know – that’s what you want to hear.

PLUME: It’s good to have your own kid growing up, and someone approach you and tell his mother that, “You’re not nearly as retarded or ugly as I thought you were going to be.”

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh, my poor son. He is now 14 months old, and when I was pregnant with him was when we shot the last seasons, three and four. And I was big and pregnant, obviously, for season four, and I did some things, like ribbon dances in purple unitard with my big pregnant belly, and wearing half-shirts and short shorts with my big belly and pregnant butt hanging out. And I just think, “Poor young man. This is the start that I’m giving him.”

PLUME: So, instead of a college fund, it should be a therapy fund.

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh yeah. We’ve already started that.

PLUME: You know, the first time he comes home and goes, “Mom, you’ll never guess what I downloaded.”

KENNEY-SILVER: Right. Yeah, “You in a unitard.” It couldn’t be much worse. I think he would probably be more proud if he found a porno with his mom then what he’s actually gonna find.

PLUME: What would you choose if you were to pick out one moment from The State or Viva Variety or Reno that you absolutely don’t want him to see until you can actually put it in context and try to alleviate the pain for him?

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh, that’s completely easy. Me butt naked, nine months pregnant, on Reno 911 this last season. Tom, Ben, Cedric, and Carlos come busting in and do a panty raid in the women’s locker room hoping to find Clemmy in her panties and bra, and what they find is me nine months pregnant, naked, with a shower cap on dancing with a towel. If my son ever sees that, he’s either gonna love me more or we’ll never hear from him again.

PLUME: What is the context that you would deliver on that?

KENNEY-SILVER: You mean to tell him?

PLUME: Yes. When he comes to you, sort of shivering…

KENNEY-SILVER: “You need to sit down. I think you need to sit down.” And then from there, I would just say, “You know what? You remember that nice house you grew up in and those great fancy shoes you always wore? Well, that’s how we paid for them.”

PLUME: Do you think they’ll ever erase the picture from his mind?

KENNEY-SILVER: No. Dear God no. To quote Ben in the actual piece, “There are some things you can’t un-see.”

PLUME: Of course, it’s even more awkward if he has a friend show it to him…

KENNEY-SILVER: It’s going to be ugly. I think we need to sit him down and show it to him before he can get the ugly truth in school.

PLUME: Sort of like when you temper an egg when cooking…

KENNEY-SILVER: Exactly.

PLUME: That’s gonna be a moment. But at least you know it’s coming.

KENNEY-SILVER: It’s gonna be a moment that’s going to continue and reverberate probably into his brain for the rest of his life.

PLUME: Or he can be immensely proud.

KENNEY-SILVER: Or he’ll be immensely proud.

PLUME: And follow you in that course.

KENNEY-SILVER: Well, let’s hope not.

PLUME: How encouraging were your parents with what you wanted to do, once you decided on that similar path in the entertainment industry?

KENNEY-SILVER: Extremely. My father said “Look, I am a very wealthy voice of a cartoon bird who never went to college. What can I say, ‘Don’t go into comedy?'” So they were very encouraging. They thought it was terrific. Will I be encouraging for my son when he wants to go into entertainment? No way. I pray that he wants to be a plumber and be happy and settle down with kids in a trailer in Van Nuys. I just see it… I watch it in other people, and it’s horrifying to me.

PLUME: Do you sometimes fear even unintentionally being that sort of stage motherish type?

KENNEY-SILVER: Of course. The instant you become a parent, you can’t help but go, “Look at him. He’s picking his nose. Everyone, gather around.”

PLUME: “Get the camera.”

KENNEY-SILVER: “Isn’t that the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen?” With your first child it just is that way. I think it is certainly for us. So yeah, there’s certainly that aspect, but then we went and got his picture taken recently at one of those silly little picture places, and the woman said afterward, “You know, these are quite good. We could enter him in the worldwide contest.” And I’m thinking, “What? No. I’m not interested in you giving my son a score.”

PLUME: I love the fact that they’re actually on the lookout.

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh, they’re on the lookout.

PLUME: You wonder what the commission is for them.

KENNEY-SILVER: Yes, exactly. “We found him! The perfect baby!” It’s the Dalai Lama of faces.

PLUME: Imagine if there was actually some kind of cult recruiting that went on in these baby centers…

KENNEY-SILVER: If they came to me and said, “We think your son’s the Dalai Lama,” that’s another story. They can have him, because I think that’s terrific. I’d be very proud. But to be the face of the picture place of kids? No, I’m not interested.

PLUME: It’s good to know that they automatically grade. You gotta wonder about the person waiting behind you.

KENNEY-SILVER: That’s what I’m thinking, with the ugly kid with the zits.

PLUME: Yeah, who’s going, “What about mine?”

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah…

PLUME: That’s a way to lose business.

KENNEY-SILVER: Didn’t make the grade.

PLUME: Time to go to Olan Mills.

KENNEY-SILVER: Exactly. They’ll take anyone there.

PLUME: “Yeah, I have the photos…”

KENNEY-SILVER: Sitting on one of those fake logs.

QSE News: 2/19/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:12 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgBecause it had been a week since everyone felt sorry for her, Britney Spears has reminded the world that she is, in fact, deep into a downward spiral by shaving her head. Spears allegedly decided to cut her hair when she couldn’t think of any other area of her skin the world hasn’t seen.
  • The band, Queens Of The Stone Age, is hoping to release its new album this June. With the news of the pending release, band members reminded the media that the band has nothing to do with Richard Simmons whatsoever and any similarity in stage names is purely coincidental.
  • Mark Wahlberg and Matt Damon are set to star together again in an upcoming boxing film. The film will be exactly the same as every other boxing movie ever made.
  • Comic book movie Ghost Rider took home the top gross from this weekend’s box office.  The film’s success was a major shock to some, but most insiders see this as a sign that the Americans really want to see Nicholas Cage with his head on fire.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/19/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:12 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • “Peasie Weasie” Groucho, the king of the elderly leches… (Thingamabob)
  • Classic paintings plus cartoon characters plus photoshop? Sure, why not? (Thingamabob)
  • Maybe FedEx is a little too fast getting things places… (Thingamabob)
  • How do you define a close call? This works for me… (Thingamabob)
  • And finally, Meredith Wilson’s “Chicken Fat”… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 18, 2007

Game On! 2-17-2007: Back Again in the ’07

Filed under: Game On! — admin @ 4:53 am

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Holy crap, two months into the New Year and no new Game On? Where have I been? Well, due to some personal issues, job promotions, and moving, I’ve been everywhere but here”¦but not anymore. New Year, new columns, new style”¦plus a few familiar features. Beginning (hopefully) next week, we’re going digital”¦that is, Game On! will be a monthly video podcast. Normal written columns every week, full video hilarity every month. Who can deny all that gaming goodness? Well, hopefully no one”¦I’d like to get the viewership. On with this week’s (super late) reviews.

PLANET OLD SCHOOL

lostplanet.jpgOne of the first new titles released for the Xbox 360 this year has been Capcom’s LOST PLANET, a fantastic shooter/platformer”¦if you’re a fan of the old school style of gaming. Which, no, isn’t a bad thing. Using a tried and true style of level design, enemy structure and goal acquisition, LOST PLANET brings to mind many of the greatest Capcom titles of old, not the least of which is BIONIC COMMANDO.

As Wayne, the hero with the horrible name, you don’t remember anything of your past except that your father died while fighting the alien bug known as Green Eye. Your home world is covered in ice and snow and you must now fight your way through the hordes of slimy bug things known s Akrid in order to uncover the mystery of your past, making the game seem like some twisted cross between STARSHIP TROOPERS and THE THING. Because of the cold, your health is constantly depleting, and you are always in search of T-Eng, or Thermal Energy, which refills your health, dropped by any defeated creatures. Along your journey you’ll fight giant worms, moths, and other ugly gross things, as well as engaging other humans. Snow Pirates have captured much of the land and claim it for their own evil purposes.

The game is set up level by level, each ending with a giant boss battle, and this design, while graphically in the “next generation” is very old school indeed. All of the bosses (and indeed, most of the enemies) each have a visual weak point, a glowing area that you must hit and exploit to bring them down. This creates some very exciting moments, and some of the best “˜holy shit” elements of the game are when some new scary giant”¦THING comes roaring out of the ground. Wayne’s got a sweet little grappling hook, which can usually swing him out of harm’s way (which is where the BIONIC COMMANDO comparison comes in), but honestly it’s underused in the game.

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You’re not really alone in your battles either. Along your paths you can pick up the weapons of fallen frozen explorers, or even climb into a Vital Suit or VS, a mech like armor that adds a good bit of firepower to Wayne’s battles against the Akrid.

The unfortunate thing about the game, however, is that it’s a bit short. Most of the levels are structure SO distinctly that one could generally just run past all the Akrid and Snow pirates in each level and just get to the boss battle at the end. Also, while the cut scenes are incredibly detailed they’re also incredibly BORING. The first four or five are just a bunch of people sitting at a table TALKING”¦no background music, no heightened tension”¦no point in watching them.

Thankfully, the online game saves the quickness of the main story and gives players a good amount of options as far as multiplayer games go. You have your typical Deathmatch (“Elimination”), Last Man Standing (“Team Elimination”) and Capture the Flag (“Post Grab”) modes, as well as a mode called “Fugitive”. Here, the host player is the fugitive and the other opponents must track him down and capture or defeat him in the allotted time. The host wins by getting his “Battle Gauge” up by defeating his opponents. Capcom also just announced that a few weeks in to March they’ll be releasing the first of a series of new map packs for the game. The first set of maps, due out around March 9th, will feature two new multiplayer arenas: Island 902 and Radar Field.

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For what it’s worth, LOST PLANET offers fans of old school style of gameplay a good deal of new areas to explore with familiar outcome. While this may put off a few gamers looking for a wholly “next gen” title, the graphics and physics of the game should still keep the satiated as well, and the online play is nothing to sneer at. It may not be exactly what we were hoping for (or even what the TV commercials would have you believe it is) but it’s still fun none the less, and is structured is such a way that folks can either take their time or zip through the story as needed.

One Gamer’s Opinion:
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PIMPIN’ *IS* EASY

PIMP MY RIDE is one of my guilty TV pleasures. There’s something about the show that I really enjoy, be it Xzibit’s colorful commentary, the crew at West Coast Customs (and to a lesser extent, GAS) and their unique personalities, or the joy on the customer’s faces as their rides are transformed from hoopties to hardcore gangsta shit. Sadly, other then the first thing, none of these appear in the game for PS2 or Xbox 360.

pimp.jpgAs a new up and coming customizer in “Pimp City” (say what now?), you take on a challenge from X to the Z himself and compete against a rival crew of (unseen) pimpers to see who’s the best at tricking out phat rides. To do so, you take the customer’s car and drive it around the city to raise money to pay for all the customization you’ll do to it.

I’ll let you read that sentence again, then I’ll continue.

“You take the customer’s car and drive it around the city to raise money to pay for the customization you’ll do to it.” There, has it sunk in yet? Nothing like the show so far, yes? Well, wait for it, it gets worse. To raise money, you either a) smash obstacles on the road with the car, b) smash OTHER cars with the car, c) compete in one of three different (yet, strangely the same) events to raise coin, or d) just drive into one of five $ icons on the road. Now, I’ll get to the first two in a second, let’s first go to what the developers refer to as “gameplay”.

There are three types of “events” in Pimp City. There’s Hot Steppin’, which has your character (a nameless dude with a white T-shirt on that says PIMP on it) dancing outside of the car as it rolls down the street with the door open. He dances as you repeatedly press the A button as it passes through the bar at the bottom of the screen”¦kind of like DDR but with no skill needed. Then there’s Ghost ride The Whip, which has your character dancing outside of the car as it rolls down the street with the door open. Yes, that sentence is the same. This time, you press a SERIES of buttons and controller movements given on the side of the screen to make him dance, hence the need for a different event name. Finally, there’s Crusin’, where, while actually IN the car, you ride past a crowd of people at Ten miles and hour and press a few buttons in the quickly allotted time in order to somehow impress them.

If you’re still reading this review, I admire your tenacity.

Now, while that gains you a great deal of scratch, you can also get some, seemingly through God’s Insurance Company, by simply driving into shit. Knock down Parking Meters and you get coins. Knock over Billboards, and you get coins (and also, magically, signs for your own “Pimp City Customs” go up in their place). Hell you can even hit OTHER CARS and coins magically pop out of them, like some sort of cross between Midnight Club and Mario Kart.

After building up your funds, then the “Pimpin” begins. While most viewers of the show would expect you to drive to West Coast Customs, or even GAS, they’ll be sadly disappointed (if they’re not already). No, instead (after viewing a very scary cut scene featuring a digital Xzibit and some over caffinated actors posing as the chosen “pimpee”) you do more driving”¦this time to different outfitters around the town. Needs rims, go to the rim guy, paint guy is down the street, etc. As you get there (during timed runs, mind you”¦remember, this is a competition between TWO customizers) the clock stops as you choose which bling to outfit the car with. Honestly, the price of these items doesn’t matter, because there’s more of that developer’s “gameplay” coming up. After choosing which unnecessary item to stick on the car (like a basketball hoop that slides out of the trunk) you now must press buttons or use analog stick movements again in a timed manner in order to install the item quickly. Beat the clock, get a discount. Man, this is one wacky gameshow.

Be the fastest with the installs and cover all the ground with what the customer wants, and they’ll choose your ride over your unseen competitors. Honestly, though, if you play it right, you can hit EVERY outfitter on the map, and still have time to race around completing in the randomized “Xzibit Challenges”. Here, you just simply have to go where the icon pops up on the map within the 20 seconds in order to get a free item for the car. Whoopie do.

Alright, now, here’s the saddest part of the game. Despite the horrendous gameplay, the awful cutscenes, the dialogue that doesn’t sync up, the fact that you’re never penalized for driving head first into another car using YOUR CUSTOMER’S ride, and the fact that it’s not even really a game”¦I can’t seem to stop playing it. Maybe I like watching a train wreck. Maybe I enjoy taking out all the parking meters in a level just for the extra coin. Maybe I really just like Xzibit’s soundtrack (which, admittedly, is probably the only really good thing about the game). Or maybe, just maybe, I realize it’s an easy way to get achievement points on Xbox. And that’s the saddest reality of all. I can’t see anyone who even remotely likes the show playing it for any other reason.

One Gamer’s Opinion:
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QUICKSHOT OF THE WEEK

doax2_1.jpgA few years ago, I reviewed a little volleyball game that had some impressive graphics and a little titillation that was oddly based on a fighting game. Now, just before X-mas, they released a sequel for this game for Xbox 360, and added a whole mess of unnecessary stuff. Of course I’m speaking of DEAD OR ALIVE XTREME 2. No longer just about volleyball, this game has just pilled on the mature rating situations, be they by bikini clad tug of war, mad dashes through sand for a stick or bouncing across pads on a pool”¦there’s just some point when it all gets TOO ridiculous. And bouncy. Too Bouncy. Now, I like buoyant mammaries as much as the next straight male, but this game”¦wow. I never thought I’d be truly disturbed by next generation graphics in this way. Adding games like “Butt Bounce” to the mix, or even as the characters run during “photo shoots” you’ll notice tat each breast is animated”¦independently of the other. Watching the two move in opposite directions is almost TWO real”¦I’ve never seen tits do that and neither have you. It’s like those crazy googliy eyes they stick on badly made stuffed creatures you get from a quarter machine, each one spinning around completely separate and wholly unrealistically from the other. What’s worse is the rest of the title can’t even qualify as a game”¦at least not a very good one. The volleyball element has been dumbed down to the point of questioning why you even have a partner, and inclusion of jet skis is just…well, the whole thing is just not needed. The first title was a fun little goof, this one just takes itself too seriously while trying to be cute and naughty for all the wrong, weird and crazy reasons.

One Gamer’s Opinion:
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GAMING NEWS

For those that managed to get the Wii (as well as managing to get it hooked up the WiFi signal), Nintendo has been pretty good about updating the shopping channel with new titles every Monday. Some titles have been passable, but there’s been at least one every week that’s a must buy. Last week it was KID ICARUS, previous to that it was SUPER MARIO WORLD or THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: A LINK TO THE PAST. However, it would be nice if, like Xbox Live Arcade, they offered a trail version first, so you can demo the game to see if you want to purchase it. I wasted six bucks on VIGILANTE, thinking it was a STREETS OF RAGE type game, when really it’s a few generations back from that”¦and awful.

Speaking of Xbox Live Arcade, they’ve announced some fantastic titles coming out on the service soon. ALIEN HOMINID HD and CASTLEVANIA: SYMPHONY OF THE NIGHT are the big ones that everybody wants, so what do we get in these past two weeks? ROOT BEER TAPPER and PAPERBOY. At least Konami is releasing SON on PS this year”¦as well as DRACULA X: RONDO OF BLOOD for the first time on US shores, both in a collection called THE DRACULA X CHRONICLES. As a CASTLEVANIA fan, I just got a great big geek boner.

URULive.jpgGametap, that online streaming gaming service, just announced that MYST ONLINE: URU LIVE is now up and running. Taking the series familiar locales and puzzles and fusing it with a MMO structure, this title is part of Gametap’s own Originals series, a looks to offer a lot for gamers of all ages, both new and familiar to the MYST worlds.

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And finally”¦as mentioned before, next week we’ll be having the first Game On! video podcast. So now you’ll get to see me review the games, instead of just reading the crap I write. I can be crappy in video form too!

See you next week, kids.

THE GAME ON! RATING SYSTEM

 

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Ratings From Greatest to Least:

Kick Ass, Right On, Okay, Eh, and Stinker (aka CRAPTACULAR)

February 17, 2007

Scrubs Blog: The Blog of Frankenstein

Filed under: Production Blogs,Quickcasts,Scrubs Blog,Video — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:06 am
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VIDEO BLOG #77: “The Blog of Frankenstein” ““
The angry villagers of Sacred Heart are out in full force to take down Frankendorian in this behind-the-scenes look at episode 6×09, “My Perspective”.

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Download Scrubs Video Blog #77:

  • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 57.18 MB)
  • Small (320 x 240 – QuickTime – 24.61 MB)

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Comics in Context #165: The Supervillain Defined

Filed under: Columns,Comics in Context — admin @ 12:49 am
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cic2007-02-16-01.jpgOnly last week, in the course of my month-long consideration of Dr. Peter Coogan’s book Superhero: The Secret Origin of a Genre (MonkeyBrain Press, 2006), I hypothesized that despite the surface realism of the television series 24, its hero Jack Bauer is what I called a megahero. That is my name for what the late literary critic Northrup Frye called the hero of romance, by which he meant a tale of extraordinary adventure. According to Frye a romance hero is “superior in degree to other men and to his environment,” and “moves in a world in which the ordinary laws of nature are slightly suspended” (Frye, Anatomy of Criticism, pgs. 33-34).

After I posted last week’s column, I purchased the new issue of TV Guide (Feb. 12-18, 2007), which contained a special section on 24, including a “guest column” by Kiefer Sutherland, who plays Bauer. Sutherland writes about Jack, “Sure, there’s a superhuman element to his character, too. . . .” It’s great getting one of my ideas confirmed, and so quickly!

Before starting my critique of Dr. Coogan’s book, I was working my way through Neal Gabler’s recent biography of Walt Disney (see “Comics in Context” #158, 160-161). You may recall that Gabler contends that Disney had little interest in his feature films following World War II; the major exception was Mary Poppins (1964).

Last weekend Turner Classic Movies showed two of Disney’s live action films for the first time: 20,000 Leagues under the Sea (1954), based on the novel by Jules Verne (whose name, unless I missed it, oddly never appeared in the movie) and The Absent-Minded Professor (1961). I hadn’t seen the first one since childhood, and I believe I had never seen the second.

Something that struck me about Leagues was that it didn’t conform to the popular image of a Disney movie. Yes, there was a cute animal, Esmerelda the seal, and since it was a Disney movie, it made certain that Esmerelda escaped the destruction of the Nautilus, Captain Nemo’s submarine, at the movie’s end. But, following Verne’s novel, the movie unhesitatingly portrays Captain Nemo, played by James Mason, as a mass murderer, ramming and sinking ships. The film’s narrator, Professor Aronnax, played by Paul Lukas, seems intended to be the point of view character for the audience, and Aronnax never wavers in his condemnation of what today we would call Nemo’s terrorist attacks.

Yet the movie allows the audience to understand and empathize with Nemo’s own point of view. He only attacks warships or ships carrying munitions. Moreover, he was once a prisoner of an unnamed nation which murdered his wife and children. (In a previous column I speculated that Captain Nemo, who rules beneath the waves, was a partial inspiration for Namor the Sub-Mariner, the noble prince of an undersea kingdom who also attacks a warlike surface world. See “Comics in Context” #22.)

Furthermore, Aronnax admires Nemo as a creative genius who designed the Nautilus, discovered its power source, which in the Disney version is obviously nuclear energy, and mastered the ocean depths. The film invites the audience to marvel at Nemo’s wonders, as well. Ned Land, the sailor played in the film by Kirk Douglas, is presented as a more conventional adventure hero, with more brawn than brain, and he condemns Nemo as a killer. Aronnax disapproves of the killings, but argues that Nemo must be persuaded to share his secrets with the world. During the movie’s titanic battle between the Nautilus crew and a giant squid, Land finds himself saving Nemo’s life, much to his own surprise. It seems we are meant to agree with Aronnax’s opinion of Nemo; even Land does, subconsciously. When the unnamed nation’s armed forces attack and fatally wound Nemo at the film’s end, surely our sympathies are with him, and the movie gives Nemo the last word, repeating his prophesy that some day, when the world is ready for them, humanity will rediscover his secrets. Nemo is a creative visionary who was ahead of his time.

On seeing Leagues and Absent-Minded Professor on successive evenings, I realized that both movies are about misunderstood creative geniuses, even though one is a science fiction drama with an antihero who meets a tragic end, and the other is a science fiction romantic comedy. Both Nemo and the latter film’s Professor Brainard are technical innovators, like Walt Disney himself. When we meet Nemo, he no longer has a family and is entirely devoted to his mission. Professor Brainard is so intensely dedicated to his scientific research that he neglects his personal life, and repeatedly fails to attend his own wedding. Gabler’s book depicted Disney as similarly neglectful of his marriage, and instead devoting most of his energies to his creative work at the studio. The unnamed nation imprisons Nemo and kills his family in a vain effort to force him to reveal his secrets to them (notably his discovery of nuclear energy). In Gabler’s book, the darkest moment in Disney’s early career came when his distributor took his star character, Oswald the Rabbit, and most of his staff away from him. The villain in Absent-Minded Professor is Alonzo P. Hawk, the head of a finance company. Having made a large loan to Professor Brainard’s college that the school cannot repay, Hawk threatens to foreclose and take possession of the campus. Subsequently, Hawk steals Brainard’s Model-T Ford which contains his discovery, flubber, which enables the car to fly. In Gabler’s biography one of Walt Disney’s foremost nemeses is the Bank of America, which made loans to the Disney company and then restricted his freedom of action in running his own studio.

In other words, Captain Nemo and Professor Brainard each embody aspects of Walt Disney himself. So, Mr. Gabler, is it really true that Walt Disney had little to do with his live action movies except for Poppins? The stamp of Walt the auteur, expressing his own personality through his lead characters, is clear in both Leagues and Absent-Minded Professor. (TCM’s own article about Leagues demonstrates that Walt Disney was very much personally involved in the film.)

Watching Professor Brainard bounding up and down in his flubber-soled shoes, I found myself thinking about Spring-Heeled Jack, a character from “penny dreadfuls” in Victorian England, who wore boots containing steel springs that enabled him to make superhuman leaps into the air. Dr. Coogan admits that Jack “very likely can be considered the first hero character to fulfill the core definitional elements of the superhero” (Superhero p. 176). Coogan’s primary criteria for a superhero are mission, powers, and identity. Spring-Heeled Jack had a mission, as what Coogan calls “an all-round do-gooder” (p. 175), his boots provided him with artificial super-powers, and he scores three out of three in the “identity” requirements of codename, costume and dual identity.

Indeed, the only persuasive reason that Coogan can give for not considering Jack to be the first superhero is that “he did not inspire the imitation and repetition necessary to initiate a genre” (p. 176), as Superman did over a century later. Hence Spring-Heeled Jack’s adventures remained an “anomaly” in his own time (p. 177).

Maybe the difference is that super-powers are usually based in science fiction, and the more technologically advanced world of the 1930s was therefore more conducive to the popularity of the superhero concept. Perhaps Jack’s “spring-heels” were too much of a gimmick; Superman’s powers bore more mythic resonance because they were innate. Besides, while Superman also traveled via superhuman leaps (before he was upgraded to flying), he also had more impressive powers like super-strength. There seems to be an archetype of a leaping or bouncing man underlying Spring-Heeled Jack, but, significantly, it reemerges in characters who are comedic or partly comedic, like the Legion of Super-Heroes’ Bouncing Boy, Looney Tunes‘ baby kangaroo Hippety Hopper, Marvel’s Frog-Man and Leapfrog characters, and, yes, the Absent-Minded Professor. Even the Hulk’s repeated leaping, like a big green frog, looks undignified compared to Superman’s flying.

I’ve lately received some e-mails with relevance to my recent columns. For example, Roy Thomas informs me that despite what it says on the boxes our copies of Marvel Vault, the book we co-authored for Becker and Mayer, the book is still only in its first printing.

Peter Coogan has been sending me e-mails about my columns on his book. Not surprisingly, he disagrees with my contention that the Spirit is a superhero, and says that the Spirit “is just a masked pulp detective in comics.” I see Coogan’s point, and certainly Spirit stories more often resemble film noir than conventional superhero sagas.

But if Spring-Heeled Jack is not a true superhero because he did not inspire any imitations or variations, then can’t we apply similar logic to the Spirit? If the Spirit had been created before Superman’s debut, then he would fall into the same category of pulp-style masked vigilantes as the Green Hornet, DC Comics’ original version of the Sandman, and even Zorro. But did the debut of Superman and the early comic book superheroes radically alter the public perception of masked heroes? Would the newspaper readers of the 1940s have perceived the Spirit as one of the new breed of superheroes, or as a pulp-style hero?

The newspaper syndicate for which Eisner did The Spirit certainly insisted that the character conform to the new genre. By Eisner’s own admission,
“They wanted an heroic character, a costumed character. They asked me if he’d have a costume. And I put a mask on him and said, ‘Yes, he has a costume!'” (The Jack Kirby Collector #16). So the mask, and presumably the iconic blue suit, became signifiers of a superhero costume.

Yet Eisner went further and gave the Spirit a superhero-style origin, complete with a “death” (via suspended animation) and resurrection, thereby metaphorically putting him on a superhuman level.

If there had been no comic book superheroes, would the Spirit have been entirely the same character? Would Eisner have given him the science fictional origin involving suspended animation, the cemetery lair, the dual identity, or even the codename? Might the Spirit have been more like Eisner’s later, similar character, John Law, who lacked mask and codename, and worked as a policeman? Did anyone ever ask Eisner this?

Eisner did as little as he needed to make the Spirit look like a superhero, and yes, Spirit stories typically resemble film noir more than conventional superhero tales. But to my mind, anyway, the Spirit just meets the minimum requirements to be considered a superhero. Just as Buffy is a Displaced Superhero operating in the supernatural horror genre, maybe the Spirit is a Technical Superhero, whose stories include a wide number of genres, from comedy to noir mystery, and even outright superhero stories like Darwyn Cooke’s Batman/Spirit comic.

With regard to whether the TV series Heroes is in the superhero genre, Dr. Coogan wrote to me that “All Heroes has to do is show one costume and employ one codename.” I don’t know if that’s sufficient if most of the super-powered characters don’t use costumes or codenames. If only one of the Heroes dresses in a costume, he may come off as an eccentric. In the superhero genre, wearing a distinctive costume is typically presented as a reasonable choice.

One of the Heroes, Hiro Nakamura, is a superhero comics buff and perceives himself as a superhero. The Wikipedia entry on the character observes that Hiro is “the one character that aspires to the pure heroism of comic book crime fighters.” In other words, he is the only one who has the same kind of sense of mission that conventional superheroes have, but so far this makes him an anomaly in the cast of characters.

Coogan contends that Hiro’s future counterpart “has a costume” that isn’t doesn’t “strictly” conform to genre expectations, “but it’s clear that Hiro intends it as a superhero costume.” But a “declaration of intent” isn’t always sufficient. This “costume” consists of a black overcoat. According to Coogan’s book, the superhero costume should express the character’s biography, powers, and/or identity, and should have a “chevron,” an insignia that stands for the superhero identity. All that Future Hiro’s overcoat expresses is that he develops better fashion sense. I can’t accept this as a true superhero costume any more than I do Neo’s long black coat in The Matrix.

Coogan also points out that a new character on the show, Hana Gittleman, who first appeared in comics on NBC’s Heroes website, has a codename: “Wireless.” Now this does seem to be a real move towards the direction of conforming to superhero genre conventions.

Thinking further about this, I realized that Heroes’ first season may be one long origin story for the principal characters. Perhaps it is evolving slowly but surely into what would clearly be recognized as a superhero series, with the Heroes fulfilling Coogan’s major criteria. Maybe the true test is to see how many of the Heroes will have adopted codenames and a selflessly altruistic sense of mission by this point in the second season.

I doubt that Coogan would consider the Captain Nemo of Alan Moore and Kevin O’Neill’s League of Extraordinary Gentlemen to be a superhero. “Nemo” is an alias, meaning “no one,” and is a kind of codename, but Moore and O’Neill dress their Nemo in conventional garments from India, not a superhero-style costume. Nemo’s sense of mission in League seems inadequate: he angrily quits the team by the end of Volume 2. While Coogan makes clear that advanced technology can fill his criterion of super-powers, Nemo’s primary “powers” reside not in his body or his personal weaponry and equipment, but in his vehicle, the Nautilus. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen‘s supreme annotator Jess Nevins says that “Nemo was the archetypal Man With The Machine, the inventor/engineer character who created scientifically advanced machines and used them on their adventures.”

But would the Captain Nemo of the Disney movie and Verne’s novel qualify under Coogan’s definition of supervillain? On his “Fantastic Victoriana” website, Jess Nevins places Nemo in the context of 19th century Romanticism: “The ostracized Romantic genius is unappreciated, his talent unvalued, and his intellectual and spiritual values rejected by the soulless materialistic society which does not appreciate his naturally superior talents.”

This reminds me of Coogan’s three categories of characters from 19th and early 20th century fiction that are forebears of the 20th century superhero: the “science-fiction superman,” beginning with Frankenstein’s monster in 1918; the “dual-identity avenger-vigilante” and what Coogan calls “the pulp ubermensch,” beginning with Tarzan in 1912 (p. 126). Concealing his true identity behind an alias, Nemo fits the second category, striking out at the warships of the nations of the world. Coogan links the first and third categories of philosopher Friedrich Nietzche’s concept of the ubermensch, which Coogan defines as “a revolutionary figure, operating beyond the traditional notions of good and evil, following his will to power, and embodying the master morality while abandoning the slave morality of Christian teaching and platonic ideals” (p. 130). Now consider this speech by Nemo that Nevins takes from Verne’s novel: “I am not what you call a civilized man! I have broken with society entirely, for reasons which I alone have the right to assess. I therefore do not obey its laws. . . .” Nemo isn’t physically a “superman” but his “machine” enables him to exercise the power of one.

Whereas Coogan limits the definition of superheroes to characters in the superhero genre, he contends that supervillains exist in numerous genres, and predate the creation of the first superhero. He divides supervillains into five basic types, while noting that a particular character can belong to one or more of these types.

First is the Monster, a type including Grendel from Beowulf, Frankenstein’s monster, Dracula, and even beasts without any aspect of humanity, such as the Nemean Lion and the Lernaean Hydra from the Twelve Labors of Hercules.

Second is the Enemy Commander, a category in which Coogan includes not only Darth Vader but also historical figures such as Xerxes, the Persian king at the Battle of Thermopylae (who figures in such disparate works as Herodotus’ Histories and Frank Miller’s 300). Coogan considers John Milton’s Satan in Paradise Lost (1667) as “the very model of the enemy commander supervillain” (p. 63). Coogan even maintains that Americans think of real life figures Adolf Hitler and Osama bin Laden as supervillains.

Third is the Mad Scientist, a self-explanatory category that Coogan traces back through Dr. Victor Frankenstein to what we might call “mad alchemists” like Doctor Faustus (as in Christopher Marlowe’s play, published in 1604).

Fourth is the Criminal Mastermind, a type prominently represented by Sherlock Holmes’ nemesis Professor Moriarty, who debuted in Arthur Conan Doyle’s “The Final Problem” (1893).

The fifth and final category is what Coogan somewhat awkwardly calls the Inverted-Superhero Supervillain. By this Coogan means the familiar kind of costumed supervillain that we see in comics; indeed, he says that this is the only category of supervillain that is limited to the superhero genre. Like superheroes, the “inverted-superhero” type of supervillain can be identified by mission (an antisocial one), powers, and identity, expressed through codename and costume. Coogan identifies the Joker and Catwoman, who both debuted in Batman #1 (1940) as the first true “inverted-superhero” supervillains. Actually, that honor should go solely to Jerry Robinson’s creation, the Joker. In Batman #1 the Catwoman appears as “the Cat,” a comely female thief who is a master of disguise. This character later evolved into the Catwoman, complete with full costume and cat-themed weaponry and equipment. But in her first appearance, she’s a more ordinary sort of criminal that one could easily find in a conventional detective story.

Captain Nemo would fall under the headings of Enemy Commander (leading his own one-ship navy, the Nautilus) and Mad Scientist (as its inventor). But we should note that Verne’s and Disney’s Nemo is more precisely of a character type that Coogan does not discuss: the supervillain as antihero. The Sub-Mariner fit into the same category when he was revived in Fantastic Four #4 (1962). Of course, Milton’s Satan is one of the greatest antiheroes in literature.

Coogan proposes that Ian Fleming, the creator of villains such as Blofeld, Doctor No, and Goldfinger in his James Bond novels, “might be called the poet laureate of supervillainy.”

There is one more recent character in both popular literature and film who is such a towering figure of what Coogan calls “supervillainy” that I am astounded that he never receives a mention in Coogan’s book. Who else but Dr. Hannibal Lecter, who was created by novelist Thomas Harris in his book Red Dragon (1981, released as a film as Manhunter in 1986 and under its original title in 2002), became a pop culture icon in The Silence of the Lambs (published in 1988, released as a film in 1991), and has reappeared in Hannibal (published in 1999, released as a film in 2001) and currently in Harris’s new novel Hannibal Rising, and the 2007 film thereof. The American Film Institute’s 2003 poll of movie professionals, critics and historians named Dr. Lecter as the greatest villain in film history. (in the Online Film Critics’ 2202 poll about great movie villains, Dr. Lecter placed second, after Darth Vader.)

Dr. Lecter would fit two of Coogan’s categories of supervillains; the Monster (as a cannibal) and the Mad Scientist (as a psychiatrist).

Whereas Coogan listed three main criteria for defining a superhero, he lists seven for determining who is a supervillain. Let’s go down the list and see how Nemo and Lecter fit.

First, as with the superheroes, is Mission, which in the supervillain’s case is “selfish” and “anti-social.” Nemo has turned his back on society, and certainly the nations of the world regard his mission to destroy warships as antisocial. (But we may sympathize with his mission to some extent, and consider him to be an antihero.) In Hannibal Rising, the young Lecter embarks on a mission of vengeance against the men who murdered–and devoured–his sister. In his review of this novel in The New York Times Sunday Book Review (December 31, 2006), film critic Terence Rafferty points to “the doctor’s strong avenging-angel impulse, which since The Silence of the Lambs has sometimes manifested itself as a grisly kind of gallantry. In both Silence and Hannibal, he often functions as the protector, rescuer and champion of Clarice Starling, the comely young F.B.I. agent who strangely interests him.” Rafferty contends that real life serial killers murder merely to satisfy their sexual desires, and not out of a sense of mission. Rafferty asserts that Harris’s backstory for Lecter, as his sister’s avenger, “emphasize[s], by the very similarity to superhero origin stories, the character’s utter impossibility, his pure does-not-occur-in-nature absurdity.” Lecter isn’t a realistic character.

Thus Rafferty inadvertently acknowledges that Lecter is what Coogan would call a “supervillain.” Lecter is not “one of us,” not what Frye would call a high or low mimetic character. Despite the surface realism of Harris’s novels, Lecter is a villain of what Frye calls the mode of romance, in which the rules of strict realism do not apply. Indeed, the rules of strict psychological realism are inapplicable to Lecter. That’s not Harris’s mistake; that’s the point.

When he is not avenging his sister or aiding Clarice, Lecter has no ongoing mission, but Coogan points out that “It is possible, and even typical, for a monster to act without malice. Destructiveness comes out of its nature. . . .Most monsters express a force of nature in their destructiveness.” That seems to me to be a reasonable description of Lecter.

Second, there is Criminal Artistry: “The supervillain’s dream reaches far beyond the acquisitive scheme of the ordinary crook.” Lecter definitely sees his crimes as art: specifically, he regards cannibalism into gourmet dining. Nemo may not regard his sinking of warships as art, but he is portrayed both by Verne and by Disney as an artist: both the novel and the film repeatedly portray him playing the organ. The portrayal of the extraordinary villain as having an interest in high culture is familiar. In the film of The Silence of the Lambs Lecter waves his hand to a recording of classical music, as if conducting, during the scene in which he murders his guards, and in Hannibal he has settled in Florence as an art historian.

Rafferty perceives that “In Silence, Harris [added] a pitiless aesthetic objectivity to the list of Hannibal’s improbable properties: his taste is so impeccable it seems demonic. But the decisive leap in the evolution of Hannibal Lecter turned out to be his, let’s say, appreciation of Clarice Starling, whose beauty meets his high standards and whose tantalizingly inchoate sense of herself arouses his clinical curiosity.” So Lecter’s interest in Starling is driven not only by sexual urges but by his aesthetic sense and by his scientist’s pursuit of knowledge.

Third is mania, or fanaticism: “The blindness that comes from a maniac singleness of purpose permits the supervillain to not see the inhumanity of what he does or to perceive what he does as beneficial to the world” (p. 82). Nemo: check. Lecter: check.

Fourth is “the wound”: “This grandiose self-aggrandizement arises from a sense of victimhood, originating in a wound that the supervillain never recovers from” (p. 83). Coogan states that supervillains are “in love with the story of their wound, unable to get past whatever happened in their past and turn their energies toward healing or redemptive therapy” (p. 84). In the Disney film Nemo is haunted by the death of his family.

Of course, there are also superheroes who are driven by psychological “wounds.” Take the Punisher, who embarked on his vigilante career because gangsters slaughtered his family. Coogan believes that the Punisher is a superhero only in stories in which he interacts with other superheroes. Often characters like Spider-Man collaborate with the Punisher on specific missions. But it seems to me that the Punisher becomes a supervillain in stories in which the superhero refuses to tolerate the Punisher’s killing of criminals, such as Frank Miller’s Daredevil #183-184 (June-July 1982).

Batman is unquestionably a superhero, and yet he is famously driven by the “wound” of the murder of his parents. Rafferty compares Lecter to Batman: “In Hannibal Rising, Harris. . . .gives his popular fiend the kind of “˜origin story’ that comic-book writers bestow on their impossibly righteous superheroes: how, say, a certain caped crusader against crime acquired his steely resolve and cool paraphernalia.” although he has repeatedly attempted to give up his superhero career, Spider-Man is forever driven by his own “wound,” his guilt over his failure to prevent the murder of Uncle Ben, to return to his crimefighting mission. Even Superman has been interpreted as being dedicated to making sure that his adopted world, Earth, does not suffer destruction as Krypton did.

Various reviewers, including Rafferty, have objected to Hannibal Rising on the grounds that revealing Lecter’s past and delving into his motivations reduces him as a character. Rafferty believes that Dr. Lecter’s power as a character resides in his “fundamental and impenetrable opacity.” I haven’t read Harris’s new book or seen the film adaptation. But Coogan’s analysis of the importance of the supervillain’s “wound” persuades me that by providing Lecter with an origin, Harris is simply following the logic of developing a supervillain.

Fifth is “monologue and soliloquy.” As Coogan acknowledges, “monologuing” is a term invented by Brad Bird’s 2004 superhero movie The Incredibles (See “Comics in Context” #62) to refer to supervillains’ familiar trait of talking at great length about their own alleged greatness. As Coogan notes, Fleming is the great master of villains’ monologues. Coogan points out that the villain respects the hero, and tells him about his life or his master plans, in order to win the hero’s” respect and approval–the respect and approval he s missed in his early life” (p. 69).

Nemo qualifies here: he allows Professor Aronnax to live because he respects Aronnax’s intelligence and believes that the professor can appreciate the significance of his achievements. Although Dr. Lecter famously insists on “quid pro quo” with Starling, he dominates their conversations. Here, too, Lecter perceives Starling as someone he can respect, and someone who can respect him, in contrast with the doctors and lawmen for whom Lecter feels utter contempt.

As Coogan points out, “soliloquy” and “monologue” are theatrical terms, and therefore are further indications of the “artistic” side of the supervillain’s crimes: “they are impresarios, putting on a show of sorts, and the heroes who oppose them are their audience” (p. 89).

Coogan distinguishes between the “monologue,” delivered to the hero, and the “soliloquy,’ delivered to unspeaking underlings or “without an audience.”
Ah, but there is always an audience: the readers of the story, or the watchers of the film or TV show.
This made me realize that there are other forebears of the modern supervillain whom Coogan has missed. What about the soliloquies of Shakespeare’s Richard III and Iago, as well as some of his lesser villains, all of whom are descended from the “vice” figure of medieval drama, who likewise addressed the audience? Are Shakespeare’s great villains the forefathers of Doctor Doom and his ilk?

Obviously, I am not yet finished with the topic of supervillains, and will continue my own version of monologuing in the near future.

ADVERTISEMENTS FOR MYSELF
The second New York Comic Con will be held at Manhattan’s Javits Center from Friday, February 23 through Sunday the 25th. I’ll be doing signings of the Marvel Encyclopedia and The Ultimate Guide to the X-Men at the DK Publishing booth on Saturday from 2 to 3 PM and on Sunday from 11 AM t 12:30 PM.

On Saturday from 5 to 6, I’m supposed to be moderating the convention’s “Behind the Panels: The Classic Age of Comics,” featuring Golden and Silver Age greats Murphy Anderson, Arnold Drake, Irwin Hasen, Carmine Infantino, and Jerry Robinson.

But the biggest news is that I am the co-curator of “Stan Lee: A Retrospective,” an exhibit surveying his entire career, that opens on the weekend of the New York Comic-Con and runs through July 3. The opening reception, which Stan Lee will attend, is at 8:30 PM on the evening of Friday the 23rd. The reception is a benefit for the Museum, and tickets are still available (see www.moccany.org). After the opening, you can visit the exhibit on Fridays through Mondays at the regular admission fee. And for the next few months the Museum is also still holding “Saturday Morning,” curator Matt Murray’s wonderful retrospective of the history of Saturday morning television animation.

–Copyright 2007 Peter Sanderson

February 16, 2007

Trailer Park: Me and Premiere, A David and Goliath Story

Filed under: Columns,Trailer Park — admin @ 2:12 am

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

Usually I reserve this space for unloading on whatever seems stuck between my two ears and is in need for some happy ending releasing. It’s also meant to be light, airy, refreshing and devoid of any serious emotion; that is unless I’m talking about THE FOUNTAIN, in which case, it is coming out on DVD in May so be forewarned. It has come to my attention, however, that there is something that has raised my ire and I am in need to discuss things for the way I see it and for what I believe is blatant thievery and a rip-off of what I do here.

A long time ago, in December of 2005, I sent an e-mail to some individuals at Premiere a note with regard to finding out what I could do in order to get into their magazine. I thought, at the time, that the publication was one of only a few that catered to a certain film fan, not the casual fan who needs gossip mixed in their 5 paragraph essay-style reporting, and I believed it was their dedication to giving something more than just the glitz and glamour of your everyday type of entertainment magazine.

And everything pointed in that direction when I inquired about freelance work at Premiere, if even Premiere.com, and, being green behind the ears of traditional print journalism goes, what I could do in order to be considered as a possible stringer of some kind. Basically, it was me begging but using a whole lot of superlatives in order to confuse and obfuscate the issue. It happened to work, coincidentally, and I was put into contact with a very nice, very eager beaver who wanted to talk with me. Her name is irrelevant but what she did was indescribable. When this woman at Premiere heard who I was, who recommended me and that, golly-gee, already wrote for a pretty successful movie web site, she treated me exceptionally nice. It was great. For the first time, upon the prodding of a fellow writer at Poop Shoot, I sucked in my gut and stood behind the work I did and told someone in the position to look at me, “I write well enough and have compelling work to prove it.”

This was a first.

I’ve written a book that I am quite proud of but have never hocked it here because it’s a little weird for me to boast about my abilities. Sure, I can, and have, sold everything underneath the sun, including Property/Casualty Insurance to people in the manufactured housing market which, while very difficult, was one of the best positions I’ve ever had. It’s hard work, selling, but when it comes to my work I don’t do so well. I do, however, have a great ability in selling the site I write for to someone who wants to know what it is. Whether it’s some PR flunky who has zero clue about Poop Shoot or Quick Stop I have turned being reticent into a persona that has stumped hard to being content here. And this contact of mine at Premiere was all ears to hear how and what I could do for their website in order to make it better than it was. We had phone tags, she would try to get a hold of me, I was trying to get a hold of her. We had went back and forth with dates to get together and we finally, finally, settled on a day and date to talk. I had notes, for God sakes, scribbled down on a piece of paper and as I rattled off what I’ve done to make Poop Shoot a nice diversion for those who visit me on a weekly basis and that I believed that it’s important to be relevant to the audience you’re trying to reach and that a Podcast with the Premiere imprint would do well in a landscape that was, until then, untapped by any meaningful alternative for a weekly outlet that would speak to the demographics. I went on and on. I could tell she was interested. “Uh-huh, go on” or “Yeah, anything else?” she said. I thought I hit a nerve, a good one, somewhere with her. I had envisioned being able to pay an electric bill with a paid story or even having a Premiere.com address. We talked and talked for a while about every idea I had until my well went dry. She was thankful and said she be in touch.

“It was decided that we’re going to do everything in-house,” was what came back to me soon after we had our chat.

She asked me to “keep in touch” in case there were any openings. I did. I was, and am, a sales guy and if I’m given that little sliver of door to get into I follow-up. She thanked me for my time, my energy and for keeping on top this as it sounded like I was really passionate about it. Yeah, everything that an ex-girlfriend would tell you to keep things on a serious tip was what I got. But, the thing of it is, I was fine with it. These things happen. Zero times zero doesn’t mean a whole lot when your list of paying gigs represent a big, thick O. I let the thought go and admitted to myself that even though I thought I had the winning lottery ticket it was better to have gone through it than just living my life without ever knowing what pitching my ideas to someone who was interested in hearing them was like.

Like a guy who should have known better, when I followed-up my calls weren’t answered. My phone messages weren’t returned, my e-mail wasn’t responded to and it was only after a sensible time passed when I went from Johnny Persistent to Get A Clue, You Fuck. And so I did. I stopped calling or trying to get in.

And then I see this. Premiere‘s answer to “Trailer Park.” It was downright upsetting when I saw what passed for their interpretation on what I’ve built, what Bob Klein started, really, because I know enough to give credit where credit is due, and frankly it’s just awful that when I wrote to the person who I initially talked to last year regarding what a trailer column could look like Premiere.com I got the same response I did after I was pumped for all the information I had: Nothing. Not an explanation about how “Yeah, it’s kind of similar” or “No, it’s not similar at all” in kind. I guess it’s good enough to thieve, crib and pass along your own ideas as yours just as long as you’re big enough. I, also, am fully aware that there might not be any kind of impropriety at all going on, however, I am also aware that brushing me off and not exchanging common courtesy when its extended doesn’t make them look good, either.

I won’t bag on the writer who they have writing the column because I am sure she’s a nice person and doesn’t deserve any of my ire whatsoever, although she would do a lot better with it if she… Well, my ideas aren’t free; they are to everyone who is close enough to me to ask but what does a mega corp care about a little writer from Arizona who writes a weekly column without fail (Her column isn’t weekly, a shame) and who toils for free with only a stand-up editorial support system keeping him from slitting his wrists on the latest issue of Everyday With Rachel Ray that the wife keeps around the house?

Enough to give the impression that they’ve pilfered an idea and have tried to make it their own. If the adage is to let the work speak for itself then I think it’s fairly clear that while I don’t have the balls to say I’m canceling my subscription (Again, it’s not the writers I have a problem with) but it just disappoints me to have been taken for a sucker without me being any the wiser.

While the idea can be enjoyed anywhere enjoy the original taste of 100% goodness below.

UPDATE: I have since been contacted by Premiere regarding this situation and I hope to give their side soon.

ACROSS THE UNIVERSE (2007)

Director: Julie Taymor
Cast:
Evan Rachel Wood, Joe Anderson, Dana Fuchs, Martin Luther, T.V. Carpio, Bono
Release: T.B.A.
Synopsis:
A romantic musical told mainly through numerous Beatles songs performed by the characters. A young man from Liverpool comes to America during the Vietnam War to find his father. He winds up in Greenwich Village, where he falls in love with an American girl who has grown up sheltered in the suburbs. Together they experience the sweeping changes of America in the late 60’s.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Negative. Hmm, what I find curious is that the description only mentions the Beatles as a cursory addition to this film when it’s really the single most important element to this trailer.

I don’t understand the marketing, then. Is this a Beatles musical or is this a musical that just HAAAAPPPPENS to use Beatles music, in which case, the cost to license the tunes would’ve represented a large enough portion of the film’s budget if, in fact, the filmmakers had to pay for the use it. It’s a bit strange and so is the trailer if you’re high enough. This isn’t to say, though, that this is a bad trailer. It’s not at all but there are issues I have which should be clear as we get along in this review.

Kind of going along the theme, and my postulation, that this film’s marketing suffers from an identity crisis of sorts we open on some dude, not just any dude, but a dude who is going for that wet hair, slo-mo, lip-synch that James Blunt and Chris Martin of Coldplay made famous in their respective videos of saccharine love. I don’t get why this unnamed guy is singing the song or what it has to do with a movie in general but I don’t feel one way or the other about it. I’m kind of just, well, bored by it. I get it, though, that the guy is emoting about some lass he likes but this is show business after all and I don’t see why I should part with my money for it.

The next scene, though, the narrative really kicks in but it’s not so much a kick as it is one of those maneuvers where you wait until one of your buddies are walking in front of you and you give the foot they’ve just picked up a good old-fashioned boot that forces him to take a clomp-step and he punches you either in the shoulder or wang, depending on proximity. The story, I guess, is that this guy is going to school at an Ivy League institution and he’s a newcomer to America. The very fact that the guy’s name is Jude and the woman he’s interested in is named Lucy shouldn’t induce too much groaning but it does nonetheless.

Cue “With A Little Help From My Friends”

College chicks in their cheerleader bloomers are cavorting, other schoolboys are sliding down stone rails in jolly frivolity while one of the main instigators of the F-U-N that college people like to do, slides down a bowling alley while standing up. (Hey, is that Bono?)

THEY LIVED WITHOUT RULES

Cue “All You Need Is Love”

Now we get these same people running like free spirits through a forest in loose fitting clothing. Free love is flowing like the wine I never had a chance to partake of and it’s all tre 60’s while skirting the very sharp line of self-parody and it feeling anachronistic. Our Limey gets himself a piece, good for him, damn near swallowing Evan Rachel Wood in the process.

Now, here is the stuff I actually do like. The guy who welcomed the Brit happens to get shipped off to war and the trailer just explodes in a psychedelic pop of color, weirdness and oddity.

Cue “Hey Jude”

As you’re ralfing from the cheap sentimentality of our protagonist getting his heart broken the only relief is the laugher you feel at reading one of the cards that this movie is the of the, “MOST”¦ORIGINAL”¦EXHILARATING”¦SPECTACULAR”¦ GROUNDBREAKING”¦motion picture of the year.” Please. That is not for you to decide and it’s rather presumptuous and gauche to declare in all caps. I mean, yes, the set pieces look absolutely astounding with their construction and creativity but this trailer needs a better pitch than this.

Cue “Across The Universe”

THE NUMBER 23 (2007)

Director: Joel Schumacher
Cast: Jim Carrey, Virginia Madsen, Danny Huston, Logan Lerman, Maile Flanagan, Patricia Belcher, Lynn Collins, Rhona Mitra, Mark Pellegrino, Tara Karsians
Release: February 23, 2007
Synopsis: The psychological thriller THE NUMBER 23 stars Jim Carrey as a man whose life unravels after he comes into contact with an obscure book titled The Number 23. As he reads the book, he becomes increasingly convinced that it is based on his own life. His obsession with the number 23 starts to consume him, and he begins to realize the book forecasts far graver consequences for his life than he could have ever imagined.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. So, I’m watching SIDEWAYS.

I’m being floored by the copious amounts of male nudity, the ass and wang combo that is so rare in today’s cinema, and being entertained quite nicely but I reflected on the backlash against the film that I am still scratching my head at even today. You can see this in more recent terms with regard to LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. Some people are using that as a whipping post for decrying its pseudo intellectualism but for those who have an issue with the film’s overriding theme, as simplistic as it is, I think they would do well to stuff their narrow-minded comments up their collective bung holes. On that point, then, it was Virginia Madsen who really snuck up in that film and surprised me.

Jim Carrey, as well, surprised me and pleased me with regard to his serious turn in ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND. Never has a movie been more poignant as it deals with love and loss, and the pursuit of trying to forget that person completely. The guy surprised me and I have nothing but love for that film.

Fast forward to FUN WITH DICK AND JANE. I’d like to think I wouldn’t hold future projects against a performer but that movie was damn close in annihilating any goodwill I had for Jim.

I am hoping this movie does a little more for me than DICK. The trailer does a lot though in promising this could be a return to form for Carrey, serious actor.

As we come into the trailer, the singular moment of Virginia finding the used red book that is going to drive the plot for the rest of the movie is adequately captured. I am amazed at how forgiving I am at the ham-fisted presentation of information but it’s still good.

Things ramp up even better as Carrey gets sucked into the world of reading really far into things dealing with the number 23. Now, even though we don’t get a real good idea as to why this book takes a serious foothold into his psyche but I’m along for the ride.

“All numbers have a pattern”

Now, while Carrey begins to descend into a PERFECT MIND-like obsession with tying all things back to 23, and ignoring the shit explanation by some scholarly wag about the nature of the number, even hinting that Satan is behind one meaning, I’m riveted to know where we’re going with all this.

When the quick cuts start being slapped together, Jim mentioning the 19rd as the day when both Waco (P.S. Janet Reno lied to the American people. Enjoy being mindless sheep for whatever your Government tells you.) and Oklahoma City took place with April being the 4th month in that equation, all adding up to 23.

And, lastly, what the hell is up with the Carrey donning the tats in the last moments of this trailer? It’s creepy as all hell, Virginia looking like a stand-in for Morticia Adams, and I am completely lost as to how it is supposed to fit into the overall theme of the movie.

I know this flick, coming to us from Nipple-Gate himself, Joel Schumacher, is going to be more likely closer to mainstream with regard to how much you’re going to have to think I am giving thumbs-up to this trailer for the reason that I am genuinely contemplating spending some scratch on an original Schumacher.

WILD HOGS (2007)

Director: Walt Becker
Cast:
Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence, William H. Macy, Marisa Tomei, Jill Hennessy, Ray Liotta
Release: March 2, 2007
Synopsis: Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence and William H. Macy hit the road in this rollicking comedy-adventure about a group of middle-aged friends who decide to rev up their routine suburban lives with a freewheeling motorcycle trip. Taking a long dreamed-of breather from their stressful jobs and family responsibilities, they can’t wait to feel the freedom of the open road.
When this mis-matched foursome, who have grown far more used to the couch than the saddle, set out for this once-in-a-lifetime experience – they encounter a world that holds far more than they ever bargained for. The trip begins to challenge their wits and their luck, especially during a chance run-in with the Del Fuegos, a real-life biker gang who are less than amused with their novice approach. As they go looking for adventure, they soon find that they’ve embarked on a journey they will never forget.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Can’t Someone Protest This Film? Perhaps Appeal To The Hague? I don’t do this often but I was struggling to find what angle to come in at this and I found something that perfectly couches the rest of the explanation below.

[Taken from 1996’s TRAINSPOTTING. Used without permission but attributed thusly]

Sick Boy: It’s certainly a phenomenon in all walks of life.

Renton: What do you mean?

Sick Boy: Well, at one time, you’ve got it… and then you lose it… and it’s gone forever. All walks of life: George Best, for example. Had it, lost it. Or David Bowie, or Lou Reed…

Renton: Some of his solo stuff’s not bad.

Sick Boy: No, it’s not bad, but it’s not great either. And in your heart you kind of know that although it sounds all right, it’s actually just… shite.

I just don’t know what to make of this steaming pile of box office poison.

When you’ve had guys who have obviously done well for themselves years ago in great films: PULP FICTION, FARGO, BOOMERANG (I know, it’s stretching) and even mass-consumed sitcom pap like Home Improvement was a commercial success by any staunch critic’s list of popular sitcoms in the 1990’s.

Now, when you harness these guys who are on the downslide of their careers, Bill Macy being the one big pink elephant anomaly of the bunch, you have something that looks like a schmear of the thickest cream cheese and dick.

I can appreciate, though, the opening. I can. This is a film that needs to connect with my parents, not so much me, so for that it wins points for being knowledgeable of who its audience is supposed to be and doesn’t reach any further. I mean, hell, Travolta giving shit to the leaf boy is the kind of absurd, sophomoric funny-funny that moms and dads love; it’s a great hook.

Macy comes in, then, and notches the cock humor up a notch by having a big public display of misunderstanding not seen since the anticipated release of Windows Vista and its voice command capabilities. Again, it’s absurd, goes straight to the lowest common denominator and leads perfectly to Lawrence and Allen’s failed amusement park game where, surprise surprise, Allen gets a wayward softball in the nuts.

Can’t we stop with the obligatory nut shots? Hasn’t America’s Funniest Home Videos taught us anything about the shelf-life for this kind of gag? I guess if you’re white and over 40 it never gets old.

Speaking of which, I don’t know how we get from crotch shot to motorcycle ridin’ to the recent Top 40 chart topper, Collective Soul’s “Shine”, (Is that the best that some wag in the audio department could do? The song doesn’t even have anything to do with motorcycling yet, here it is, providing the soundtrack to our lives”¦) but I do know that the one laugh I will admit to having at the expense of this trailer is Bill Macy’s stunt double who wipes the fuck out after unsuccessfully executing a fist pump. (Physical humor that might be at the detriment to some sap’s health? Now that’s funny.)

Awful stereotypes follow of what it’s like to ride a combustible engine with no windshield to protect you from cow crap or wayward birds (???) but I am ballasted by John C. McGinley’s appearance at the end of this thing; It’s hard to try and resist the power of this poorly ignored actor. He’s great but the movie looks like all sorts of ass.

RENO 911: MIAMI (2007)

Director: Ben Garant
Cast:
Thomas Lennon, Carlos Alazraqui, Robert Ben Garant, Kerri Kenney-Silver, Wendi McLendon, Niecy Nash
Release: February 23, 2007
Synopsis: The brave men and women of the Washoe County Sheriff’s Department — the thin khaki line that keeps Reno, Nevada on the straight and narrow ““ star in their first feature film, based on the hit Comedy Central television series. The deputies of the Reno Sheriffs Department attend a law enforcement convention in Miami Beach, where the motley crew is charged with protecting the city after bioterrorists attack the convention.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Made Me Laugh Over and Over. I am sorry, I am sorry. I am sorry.

One of the best parts of Comic-Con 2006 was being allowed to be a fly on the proverbial cow patty that was an interview my EIC had with Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant. The two stars of Reno 911 couldn’t have been more affable and enjoyable to talk to on a Sunday morning. The guys go beyond just sharing a brain, they share something you rarely even see in normal life: a bond. They seemed genuinely pleased to be in one another’s company and you could see why the show does as well as it does. When you’re doing any sort of ensemble project it’s utterly necessary to have faith in one another and it showed.

That said, the opening of this trailer is, perhaps, one of the best for a comedy I’ve seen in months. Forget all that voiceover bullshit at the beginning as throaty VoiceOver Guy tries to bait-and-switch, I think we all could agree that we’re all wise enough to know it’s a waste of all of our time to try and sell an action movie and then, ta-da, give us something else; it’s, frankly, in poor form and a piss poor attempt at comedic trickery. When we meet up with Dangle and Junior, Junior snapping out of a nap while behind the wheel, it’s not so much Dangle making it known that Junior shouldn’t be sleeping while driving, and it’s not so much the port-a-potty that they barrel into in one long tracking shot (because that was fucking hilarious) but it’s Dangle’s “nobody in it” that gets the payoff from me.

Further, the task of bringing up everyone who isn’t familiar with the show up to rapid speed is done quite successfully with the chicken that’s on the loose as Dangle nearly blows his foot off, Junior’s comparison of Reno to Mayberry is done without a drip of irony and then a hazed Junior walking into a door jamb whilst carrying a cigarette between his lips completes the trifecta.

I don’t know how else to say that even though the plot kind of hinges on the outrageous premise that a hotel has to be quarantined and that Reno 911’s cops are the only ones left able to patrol but the shot of the cars leaving the garage and one of them being T-boned inadvertently, probably Junior again, makes for some good humor.

I, as well, enjoyed the snippet of Dangle investigating a noise complaint from the residence of “a Suge Knight” and the alligator moment that, for me anyway, surprised even me; the results of which are where the real comedy comes from and this doesn’t look to disappoint in any way.

Plus, two things that would be awful if I had to explain why they were funny: Kerri Kenny’s mishap in the po-po helicopter and Junior’s “mishap” with a dead whale. Comedy platinum.

I’m sorry I haven’t kept up with this show on my Tivo. This problem will be rectified immediately.

Noctural Admissions: Movie Review Hannibal Rising

Filed under: Columns,Nocturnal Admissions,Reviews — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:06 am
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Hannibal Rising is like a pretty model at a fashion show – she’s alluring until she opens her mouth.

If Hannibal Rising had simply kept quiet, its icy surface might have been alluring. But the film finds that it must explain, express emotion, tell us what it thinks and what we should think. As soon as the blank calm of the film is broken by real (or “real”) emotion, the audience begins to titter.

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It’s well known that novelist Thomas Harris has either cynically or through personal inclination drifted away from portraying the hardships and psychological cost of being in law enforcement. In his first book, Black Sunday, weight was evenly distributed between hunters, a coalition of FBI and Israeli agents, and the hunted, terrorists targeting the Super Bowl. In the Hannibal Lecter series that more or less began with Red Dragon, where Lecter was a minor character and really a part of the back story, Harris has shown himself to be increasingly fixated on Lecter. In The Silence of the Lambs he bubbles back up to the surface like an old tire in a garbage dump, taking possession of both the book and the movie made from it (a film which still maintains its regal priority over other adaptations by hewing closing to a semblance of reality). Its two sequels, Hannibal and now Hannibal Rising (a film written by Harris and released just a few months after the book on which it is based), are virtually all Hannibal, with diminishing returns. Ridley Scott and his collaborators wisely changed the ending of Hannibal the book. There, Clarice Starling became the drugged love slave of Lecter. In the film he escapes her clutches, sans a hand, to do battle with her again in some future yet unimagined continuation.

But instead of going forward, Harris has spun backward, into the past, first with a remake of Red Dragon that makes it reasonably consistent with Silence, and now with this evocation of Hannibal’s career up until his arrival in America. In essence he is going over already chewed fat. Hannibal Rising is an expansion of material already covered in the course of Hannibal. It results in a justification and apologia for Hannibal’s wicked ways.

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Told strictly chronologically, Rising introduces us to the aristocratic Lithuanian Lecter family, fleeing the advance of, it appears, both the German and the Russian armies. Hiding out in their country lodge, which seems to be about two miles from their castle, the bulk of the family is cut down by a coincidence of both Germans and Russians. Alone with his beloved sister Mischa (there is no hint here of incest), Hannibal tries to survive but the lodge is soon invaded by Nazi aspirants, roving scavengers who, in a fit of dietary pique, consumed Mischa.

The rest of the film is a long revenge narrative, with Hannibal receiving some mentorship here and there as he methodically hunts down the five crude gourmands. As is to be expected in such tales, the kills start easy and increase in hardship as the villains become more complex and evil. In the end he heads off to Canada to cancel his final foe (which we don’t see) and the last shot shows his car merrily driving off, presumably to the American border, where he will eventually end up in Baltimore.

The film is an elaborate cat and mouse game, with Lecter down for a while, before getting a great boost from a near relative, Lady Murasaki Shikibu (Gong Li), who gives him martial arts lessons among other things. Lady Murasaki Shikibu is the modified, modern “conscience of the film, shrinking when Hannibal goes too far. Her equivalent is the Nazi hunter Inspector Pope (Dominic West), who is in competition with Lecter to find Mischa’s killers first. The result of the cat and mousiness, however, is that Lecter is imbued with moral certitude and higher justice on his side. This is hard to reconcile with both the sheer scary evil of the character in Red Dragon, and with the moral compass we are used to in movies. Maybe Lecter is a great guy, riding the world of “free range rude,” but in the end is little more than a more dynamic, physically stronger version of the cranky older teacher in Notes on a Scandal.

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Problems with the film come in such moments as when the adult Lecter (Gaspard Ulliel, of A Very Long Engagement) dons a samurai mask off of a dummy in Lady Murasaki’s storeroom. Harris and / or director Petter Webber (The Girl with a Pearl Earring) seem to think that we all require this evocation of Silence, and its famous bite-prevention face wear. But this is a mask that he puts on intentionally, to commune with the spirits of samurai warriors. The first mask was designed to make transfer easier on his carriers. He didn’t like the prison mask, but seems to like the samurai mask. These confused intentions, or inability to maintain consistency with the materials at hand has always been one of the problems with the Lecter books and films, born perhaps from Harris’s adopting the villain as an avatar for his own cranky opinions on modern life.

Ulliel’s unusual visage, long and lean, evokes less Mr. Lecter than Mr. Sardonicus, or the Joker. He’s got a half moon of a dimple or scar on his left cheek and a smile that sharpens instead of curves. I think he is a good actor, but this is an impossible role, one already acted by two of Britain’s top actors. But by shearing any moral ambiguity from Lecter, Harris and Co. have reduced the character to a straw man, half-hero and half-villain and impossible for probably most actors to portray, what with so many fussy hands molding him and so many audience expectations. True connoisseurs of the villain will probably, as this slow-paced, glacial, and ultimately irrelevant film progresses, feel their tempers rising.

Weekend Shopping Guide 2/16/07: Weird Weekends

Filed under: Shopping Guides — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:44 am

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The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

Long before Comedy Central’s The Daily Show was a glimmer in creator Lizz Winstead’s eye, there was another program that brilliantly satirized programs like 60 Minutes and 20/20 – it was Michael Moore’s TV Nation. One of the TV Nation correspondents that caught my eye was a Brit by the name of Louis Theroux, whose segments included memorable visits with the “new” Klu Klux Klan and NRA rocker Ted Nugent. In fact, it was exactly those profiles of subculture and celebrity that Theroux would explore with his post-TV Nation series Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekends, which originally aired on Bravo in the US and the BBC in the UK. In it, Louis traveled around America, seeking out and trying to make sense of fascinatingly oddball American subcultures such as professional wrestling, rappers, swingers, UFO enthusiasts, etc. In addition, he’s spent face-to-face time with various unique, somewhat eccentric celebrities in his series When Louis Met…. Sadly, the Best of Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekends volumes available in the UK have not made their way to the US yet, but his recent companion book thankfully has. The Call of the Weird: Travels In American Subcultures (Da Capo Press, $24.00 SRP) finds Theroux following up on some of the subjects of those Weird Weekends, and it’s a positively wonderful read. I just hope that a network in the US sees fit to begin airing his work Stateside – particularly as he’s just begun a brand new series of specials for the BBC, the first of which took him to Las Vegas in an effort to understand the siren call of gambling.

After a long and storied career, Martin Scorsese proves that he’s still got what it takes with his adaptation of the Hong Kong crime thriller Infernal Affairs, The Departed (Rated R, DVD-$34.99 SRP). Not since Goodfellas has Scorsese made a film that positively crackles – from the script to the cast and Scorsese’s direction itself, which holds it all together. Here’s your quick plot primer – the state of Massachusetts is keen to finally take down crime boss Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson), and they plant a rookie cop (Leonardo DiCaprio) into Costello’s organization to feed them info to bring it down. What they don’t know, however, is that a rising rookie in their own department (Matt Damon) is a mole for Costello – and what follows is a marvelous series of double-crosses, feints, bluffs, and pure cinematic joy. It’s great to see a filmmaker reclaim their crown, and with this flick, Scorsese most certainly has. The 2-disc special edition features 9 additional scenes (with intros from Scorsese), TCM’s career profile of the director, a featurette on the real-life mobster that inspired Nicholson’s character, a look at the early neighborhood influences of Scorsese’s work, and the theatrical trailer.

Of course, now that you’ve viewed Scorsese’s take, I’d recommend you grab yourself a copy of the original via the handy all-in-one Infernal Affairs Trilogy box set (Genius, Rated R/Not Rated, DVD-$39.99 SRP). All three films in the trilogy are loaded with bonus features, including behind-the-scenes featurettes, trailers, deleted scenes, and even a commentary (on Infernal Affairs 2).

Oh, and while you’re at it, pick up the new special edition of Jackie Chan’s incredible Police Story 2 (Genius, Not Rated, DVD-$19.95 SRP), featuring an audio commentary, interviews, behind-the-scenes featurettes, outtakes, trailers, and more.

It’s an oft-told tale, but documentarians David Leaf & John Scheinfeld (who also produced the criminally unseen doc Who Is Harry Nilsson & Why Is Everybody Talking About Him? – look it up) have managed to create an illuminating, engaging, altogether fresh take on the legendary case of The US Vs. John Lennon (Lionsgate, Rated PG-13, DVD-$27.98 SRP). If you’re unaware of this slice of Lennon history, it was the multi-year struggle against the U.S. government to stay in his beloved New York and avoid deportation – a politically motivated action due to Lennon’s fiercely public antiwar stance. The DVD features additional cut footage and interviews.

While many have compared Clint Eastwood’s American side of his Iwo Jima chronicle unfavorably to the Japanese-centered Letters From Iwo Jima, Flags of Our Fathers (Paramount, Rated R, DVD-$29.99 SRP) is just as assured a film, and in may ways is more honest in its portrayal of war and the sacrifice and the accomplishment of the soldiers on the ground than Spielberg’s far bigger and more expensive Saving Private Ryan. That unadorned, matter-of-fact portrayal is an Eastwood hallmark, and a much welcome one in a flick that portrays an iconic battle in military history. Here’s hoping a future edition makes up for this bare bones release – it deserves a bevy of supplemental material, particularly of a historic nature.

As much as I enjoyed the deluxe, lavishly-illustrated behind-the-scenes chronicle of costuming in the Star Wars franchise courtesy of last year’s must-have tome Dressing a Galaxy, there’s no denying that I was even more geekily jazzed by this year’s companion volume, Sculpting A Galaxy (Insight Editions, $50.00 SRP). The title is rather self-explanatory, but if you’re having trouble figuring it out, this equally massive tome spotlights all of the intricate, maddeningly meticulous model and creature work featured in the dual trilogies.

And on the subject of that meticulous work, Sideshow – as part of their distribution agreement with Japan collectible manufacturer Medicom – has been importing select items from their line of “VCDs” (Vinyl Collectible Dolls). The latest of which is a tribute to those amazing special effects mavens – Stuart Freeborn, in this case – who brought Yoda to life. The Medicom VCD Yoda ($59.99) stands approx. 4″ tall, and is in scale with Sideshow’s 12″ Star Wars line. And, as you can see from the pictures below, the sculpt, clothing, and paint job are amazing.

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Warners has more themed releases than you can shake a stick with, including their banner “Signature” collections, and to that impressive pedigree you can add their new “Director’s” series. The inaugural quartet consists of some quality titles – Nicolas Roeg’s Performance, Fellini’s Ginger & Fred, Neil Jordan’s The Butcher Boy, and Tony Richardson’s The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Runner (Warner Bros., Rated PG-13/R, DVD-$19.98 SRP each). Bonus features on Loneliness and Ginger & Fred are limited to the original theatrical trailers, while Performance sports both brand new and vintage behind-the-scenes featurettes, and Butcher Boy has an audio commentary from Roeg and additional scenes.

A perfect companion piece to This Film Is Not Yet Rated, producer/director Steve Anderson has produced a beautiful portrait of a word that can cause the faint of heart to flutter and the closed of mind to blow their tops – FUCK (Thinkfilm, Not Rated, DVD-$19.99 SRP). With animation from Bill Plympton and an amazing list of commentators – including Billy Connolly, Drew Carey, Janeane Garofalo, Bill Maher, Hunter S. Thompson, Kevin Smith, and more – it’s worthy subject and worth a spin. Bonus features include an audio commentary, extended interviews, deleted scenes, and more.

While Philip Seymour Hoffman’s turn as Truman Capote got most of the buzz, I think the largely overlooked (by nature of losing the race to the screen) Infamous (Warner Bros., Rated R, DVD-$27.98 SRP) features a much more nuanced performance from Toby Jones as the larger-than-life author whose journey to write In Cold Blood forms the crux of this outing as well. Bonus features include an audio commentary and the theatrical trailer.

Better than both Ocean’s 11 & 12 combined, the second series of the UK’s con drama Hustle (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$34.98 SRP) is just as engagingly high energy and intelligent as its inaugural run. Heck, any series smart enough to cast Robert Vaughn as an aging pro is aces in my book. The 2-disc set features all 6 episodes, plus an in-depth documentary on the smashing final episode.

The 6th season of All In The Family (Sony, Not Rated, DVD-$29.95 SRP) was to prove to be a transitional one for the show, setting the stage for a major shake-up to come. That major event was Gloria’s pregnancy, coupled with Mike and Gloria moving out of the Bunker household and into the house next door (which would eventually lead to the Stivics departing the show altogether). Regardless of what was to come, this was still a banner year for the show, and still consistent with the incredible level of quality they were able to maintain for the bulk of the show’s legendary run. In particular, the episode “Joey’s Baptism” is a true classic, and one of the series’ most powerful. The 3-disc set features all 24 episodes, but no bonus features. Is it that hard to get Sally Struthers on the line?

Few thought that something as off-the-beaten track as a prime time soap about, well, about the surprisingly romantic adventures of Beauty and the Beast (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$50.99 SRP) would ever fly on network TV, but fly it did, as millions of viewers tuned in to see the blossoming romance between the noble man-beast Vincent (Ron Perlman, in his breakthrough role) and assistant New York D.A. Catherine (Linda Hamilton). Long after Dark Shadows left the airwaves and before The X-Files made odd chic, there was the star-crossed adventures of Vincent and Catherine – the complete first season of which is now available on DVD, sans any bonus features whatsoever. Not even a make-up featurette! I do want to point out, though, how much I love the case the set comes in – it features all 6 discs, safe and secure, in a regular single-disc size case. Brilliant!

Though it sank from sight rather quickly, there’s an endearing, oddball charm to School For Scoundrels (Genius, Not Rated, DVD-$29.95 SRP), starring Jon Heder as a unconfident schlub who enrolls in the confidence-building seminar of a decidedly extreme Billy Bob Thornton – only to have the lessons turn into a quickly escalating all-out war between the two of them to prove who’s the manliest. The unrated special edition features additional footage, an alternate ending, audio commentary, a making-of featurette, gag reel, and the theatrical trailer.

Long before ER brought viewers into the high stakes, adrenaline-loaded atmosphere of emergency rescue and the emergency room itself, there was a little show in the 70’s called Emergency! (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP), which followed paramedics Ray DeSoto (Kevin Tighe) and John Gage (Randolph Mantooth) as they arrive at scenes of near-death and often violent destruction, and must get their patients to the doors of Rampart Hospital alive. Great stuff. So pick up the complete third season, now available.

If you’d like your weekend to lean a little bit more high-brow, partake of a pair of BBC miniseries making their way to DVD, the first of which is World War II: When Lions Roared (Koch, Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP), whose biggest selling point is its cast – Michael Caine as Stalin, John Lithgow as Roosevelt, and Bob Hoskins as Churchill. Also available is the Beeb’s epic adaptation of James Fenimore Cooper’s The Last of the Mohicans (Koch, Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP). Both are worth a spin (although my preference will always lie with the powerhouse trio of Roared).

Are we already at the end of The Golden Girls on DVD? Well, with the release of the seventh and final season (Buena Vista, Not Rated, DVD-$39.99 SRP), it certainly seems we are. In addition to all 26 episodes, the 3-disc set also contains the retrospective documentary Thank You For Being a Friend: A Look Back With The Golden Girls.

So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

-Ken Plume

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QSE News: 2/16/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:26 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgTickets to this year’s Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival have already sold out, two months before the event. The news has left local drug dealers scrambling to bolster their inventory while local shop keepers have been forced to remove “unwanted yet essential” items, like soap, from the shelves to make room for more Doritos, Funyons and Oreo’s.
  • Renowned shock jock Howard Stern is set to marry long time sweetheart and uber-hottie Beth Otrosky.  The news came as quite a shock to many Stern fans who took the radio personality’s comments that he would never marry again to heart.  Less shocking was the revelation that Stern proposed to Otrosky at Score’s while she was riding the Sybian and after a rousing game of Butt Bongos.  Baba Booey.
  • In continued nuptial news, the formerly full-locked Felicity star Keri Russell has married longtime fiancé and contractor Shane Deary.  While wishing the couple a long and happy marriage, we here at QSE News would like to point out that it is highly unlikely the contractor will be able to re-build Russell’s career.
  • Actor Aaron Eckhart is in final negotiations to join the cast of The Dark Knight as Batman ally and future bad guy Harvey Dent.  Insiders close to the production say that Eckhart was actually the second choice for the roll, but was called in when producers couldn’t come to terms with fitness guru Richard Simmons.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/16/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:24 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Fulfill your lifelong dream to become an M&M… (Thingamabob)
  • Am I wrong for finding this very, very funny? (Thingamabob)
  • Sadly, this clearly sums up the state of the fourth estate… (Thingamabob)
  • The great Tex Avery’s RAID commercial… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 15, 2007

The Fred Hembeck Show: Episode 91 – Super Fred

Filed under: The Fred Hembeck Show — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:02 am

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It may not be a trip to the mountains, but a visit to Hembeck.com is ALWAYS a vacation – and remember, footwear is optional!

-Copyright 2007 Fred Hembeck

Music For The Masses: 2/15/07

Filed under: Columns,Music for the Masses — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:02 am
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Guten Morgen sehr geehrte Damen und Herren! Welcome back to another edition of Music for the Masses. Now, before we begin, I’d like to announce to you all that… umm, I think I might be the father of Anna Nicole’s baby. Seriously. I mean, who’s to say that Anna Nicole didn’t sneak into my room one night, accidentally trip and land twat-down on my “Maria Sharapova/Kate Beckinsale/Lindsay Lohan” sock that I keep next to my bed?

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Tennis hasn’t been THIS sexy since Boris Becker retired.

Hey… weirder things have happened. Just ask Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband. Maybe she used a truck stop toilet after I did… whatever. Either way, I think the possibility warrants a paternity test. So, lawyers… if you need a DNA sample, just let me know…I’ll FedEx you a paper towel LOADED with stuff… and I mean LOADED. Just like the one I sent to Oprah. But hey, enough about that because we don’t do bullshit, non-sequitors anymore around here, right? And besides… we have some new music to review. Up first, as promised, we check in with the new one from The Cat Empire followed closely by Double A’s look at the new disc from the Wu Tang Clan. Oh, and batting clean-up, on his “off-week” no less, is J.D., who checks in with some Grammy coverage. Sound like fun? Well. . .how’s about we find out?
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The Cat Empire

Album: Two Shoes
Sounds like:
Two Cats fuckin’… a skinny, funky-smelling latin one and a nappy-looking, pot-smoking rasta cat.

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Seriously… I’m not joking when I tell you that I fucking (yes, I just typed “fucking”) hate cats. I always have. There really is no “defining” moment here and no, “I’m not allergic” which is really just code for “I hate your fucking (yes, I just typed “fucking”) cat.” Why do I hate these creatures of the night/pure evil? Hmmm… interesting question. You know, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I CAN tell you that the loathing started after I first witnessed, at a tender young age, the way a cat can make it’s butthole “wink” as it walks out of a room. I’m convinced that’s a cat’s way of saying “fuck you” and, besides, it’s “Creepy” with a capitol “K.” What??!! Oh… come on now, don’t “pretend” you’ve never seen a kitty’s “stinkin’, blinkin’ balloon knot. “That’s like telling your girlfriend/wife/mom that “you’ve never jacked off.” Remember kids… Satan and Anna Nicole are reserving a special place in hell for liars.

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Whatever. But as much as I may hate these corn-hole flaunting little bastards, (no, silly… not Satan or Anna Nicole…the cats!!) I can honestly tell you that I have never been compelled to exact revenge on one… unlike my buddy Tom. But more on that in a minute. First, we have to exact revenge on ANOTHER type of cat… The Cat Empire. How’s that for a segue? Slicker than shit through a goose, eh?

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The Cat Empire


Sooo… as the minority of you heard on last week’s pod cast, the U.S. debut of Australia’s very own and EXTRAORDINARILY successful, The Cat Empire, dropped last week and was, without a doubt, one of the new releases in February (or as my retarded cousin likes to call it… “HNNNNGGGHHH”) that I was greatly looking forward to. “So,” I’m sure you’re asking, “how did Two Shoes fair, M.C.?” Well, my fine young cannibals… I’m glad you asked.

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The Cat Power


Two Shoes is, without a doubt, one of the most uneven and disappointing discs I’ve heard in quite some time. There are some exceptionally melodic and endearing moments here, as well as some groovy beats and rhythms, but nothing on this new disc comes close to being as infectious as the band’s first hit, 2003’s “Hello.” Consistent with their previous outings, the music on Two Shoes is an enthusiastic combination of ska, funk, latin, humor and hip hop, and again, The Cat Empire gets high marks for “mixing things up.” However, the combination of “mixing things up,” typically tired, British reggae-affectations, odd time signatures and Felix Riebl’s mediocre vocals (see “In My Pocket,” “Lullaby” and “Saltwater”) proves more toxic than intriguing on this particular outing.

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The Cat Stevens


If you are looking for a silver lining here, the six piece PLUS ensemble (featuring Oliver McGill on keyboards, Riebl on drums/vocals, Ryan Monroe on double bass, Harry James Angus on trumpet, Will Hull-Brown on drums, DJ Jamshid “Jumps” Khadiwala and various other horn players, dancers and guests) does offer up a few outstanding tracks, specifically, the album opener “Sly,” “The Car Song” and the Santana-esque “Sol Y Sombra.””Unfortunately, the majority of the tracks come off sounding like muddled outtakes from a Sublime recording session, pre-Brad Nowell’s-untimely-heroin-overdose. If you are looking for unique, especially in the realm of latin/reggae fusion, The Cat Empire’s Two Shoes is ABSOLUTELY your disc. Ummm. . .emphasis on “unique” there. If you are looking for “time-less” and “ultimately listenable” ska in the vein of a Tosh or a Marley or hell, even a Sublime, skip this fucker like an episode of “Studio 60.”

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So, as I was saying before we were so RUDELY interrupted, my buddy Tom had an asshole roommate in college who had an even bigger asshole of a cat. According to Tom, the cat was “just a dick,” assuming cats can be such things, and had taken up the nasty habit of pissing in, on and around Tom’s room/things. Ever smell cat piss? Yeah, well, understandably, this didn’t sit well with my buddy Tom.

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Even the cat couldn’t stand the smell of it’s own piss…


So, after cleaning up after the hairy little fucker for the umpteenth time and realizing that no level of Febreeze® was going to remove this special brand of “pussy stank,” Tom decided that it was time for the cat’s owner to do “a little cleaning up.” So, without further ado, my pal dropped trough and took a mighty shit in the cat’s litter box. Now, this part of the story is merely conjecture, but I’m guessing that the entire time, Tom is thinking “yeah buddy… scoop THIS up with your little, slotted spatula!!”

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But Tom wasn’t done for, as many of you may or may not know, after dropping a nutty, fat kid into the cat’s pool, one is in need of a wipe. And THAT is EXACTLY what Tom did… with his roommate’s “face only” towel… using a hearty, front-to-back/back-to-front sawing motion…before refolding the towel neatly on the rack to hide the offending stain. Now, I’m not sure what happened with that towel, but I do know the roommate entered the abode and spied that mighty loaf perched atop the mound of TidyCat®; never ONCE suspecting it was human fecal mater in his kitty shitter. And, much to Tom’s chagrin, the roommate did not immediately pluck that gargantuan turd out of the box with the afore-mentioned slotted spatula and vow to amend his ways.

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On the contrary, the roommate screamed like a chick, sobbed hysterically and whisked the cat off to an emergency vet clinic. Now, in all fairness to this clown, if I had a cat and I saw a mythically-sized turd wedged in it’s box, I’m not sure I’d immediately think, “Hey… somebody shit in my cat box. No fair! Oh well, I guess I’ll scoop it up and keep a better eye on the cat!” but I guess we’ll never know. I’ll tell you this, though, where I, too, would have most likely assumed that there was something tragically wrong with the animal, I guarantee you I wouldn’t have screamed like a chick. But I digress.

So friends, what’s the moral of this story? Honestly, I have no fucking clue, but I’ll tell you this… don’t fuck with my buddy Tom. Oh yeah, and if he comes to visit? After he leaves, burn your towels.

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Me likey the Wu-Tang Clan. I always have too. Back in the day when all the kids I knew were into Extreme or god knows what else, I was bumpin Wu Tang’s Forever. I never went as far as to buy any articles of Wu Wear, but I have bought enough of their CDs to feel somewhat financially responsible for Ol’ Dirty Bastards drug habit and eventual death. Sorry Dirt. Anyways, as far as the Wu-Tang Clan goes, it’s been a pretty tough run over the last several years. Sure we’ve seen some great discs released by individual members, but nothing really from the group as a whole. That is until now. Well, kinda.

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To call Mathematics Presents Wu-Tang Clan & Friends: Unreleased a true Wu-Tang release is stretching it a bit. Yes there are several tracks with Clan members on it and there are even two tracks with at least four members on it, this just doesn’t seem like a Wu-Tang record. I’m not saying that this is bad, far from it. It just doesn’t have the same magic that the previous records have had. Maybe it’s the fact that The Rza had nothing to do with the production. Maybe not.

I can say that there are no bad songs on this album, but some definitely stand out more than others. Oddly enough, most of the songs that feature a Clan member are good, especially the Wu-Tangy track “Wu Banga Remix,” which features Gza, Ghostface Killa, Raekwon, Cappadonna and Masta Killa. Out of all the “& Friends” there really isn’t much that is really gripping. “Wanna Believe” by Allah real and Bad Luck is the best track without the Wu.

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Be it the orange drink preferred by (non diaper wearing and pepper spraying) astronauts, or the slang for a ladies Va-J, I’m totally down with the Tang. Luckily, if this album gives us a clue into what the future holds for the Wu-Tang Clan, the groups next album just might be the greatest rap album ever created. Well, at least the greatest rap album that ODB didn’t have a part in.

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Reverb. . .with J.D.

Last Sunday night, JD watched the Grammys”¦every last soul-sucking moment of it. Here then, is his blow-by-blow account:

7 O’Clock Hour:

–Ladies and Gentlemen, opening the show tonight”¦.The Police! Like everyone else I can’t wait to see how well the Gibb brothers have aged”¦.especially Sting Gibb.

–Song choice: “Roxanne”. Wow! Who would have guessed??

–Sting really seems to have a special glow about him tonight – either he’s delighted to be back with his boys, or he just had sex for eight hours.

–The person happiest about this little reunion has to be Policeman #3. Sting sold out to Madison Avenue ages ago and Stewart Copeland at least had a nice little run with the supergroup Oysterhead. Andy Summers though – you’d have to think that his royalties from Zenyatta Mondatta dried up a long time ago.

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The Police in younger days

******

–Tony Bennett and Stevie Wonder take down the first award, and Stevie’s voice breaks as he dedicates the award to his mom. Geez, we’re only 4 minutes into this thing and I’m already choked up.

–Tony follows that up by slipping in a plug for “Target, the best sponsor of my life” during his acceptance speech. So much for the tender moment.

******

–Next up, The Dixie Chicks, performing “I’m Not Ready To Make Nice.” I’m going to bypass the obvious fashion/talent/Natalie Maines jokes here and give them a begrudging tip of the cap. They faced major public vitriol in 2003, all on account of Maines making a disparaging comment about President Bush – ‘fans’ bulldozed their CDs at a demonstration against them and country radio stations banned their music from the airwaves. But regardless of what you think of them, this actually kind of sucks”¦given, you know, The First Amendment and all.

–Not to mention Duhbya’s current approval ratings”¦but I digress”¦

******

–Back from a commercial, we have our first surprise guest of the night: Prince!

–As I’ve mentioned before, he is one stylie mofo – except tonight it looks like he borrowed Nicole Richie’s sunglasses”¦and hairstylist.

–(Does anyone else ever wonder how many women Prince ‘purified in the waters of Lake Minnetonka’ before he got all Jehovah witnessy on us? I’d like to know.)

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We know Appollonia was baptized

–He introduces Beyonce, who sounds and looks as beautiful as ever. A nation of men simultaneously curses Jay-Z.

******

–In the best R&B song category, Mary J. Blige beats a fine field (Prince, Jamie Foxx, India.Arie, and Lionel Richie) for the win–and takes the early lead in the clubhouse for longest acceptance speech. She spilled into the ‘exit’ music by at least 30 seconds”¦I was sure they were going to bring Chuck Barris out on her”¦

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That’s “Gong Show” Chuck Barris”¦not “Assassin” Chuck Barris

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–Our next presenter is Queen Latifah – voice of the Pizza Hut commercials! From the looks of things, it appears that they pay her in P’zones”¦.handsomely”¦.

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–Justin Timberlake hits the stage. Say what you what you want about JT, but he’s no cheeseball bubblegum popster, a la Britney or Clay Aiken. He’s cool, and a legit talent.

–Okay, right after I wrote that, he breaks out the “JT Cam,” filming himself performing with a handheld video-cam. Thank you, JT, for promptly refuting my ‘he’s cool, not-a-cheeseball’ argument.

–Okay then, how about this? Cameron Diaz and Scarlett Johannson.

–(Jerk.)

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–Pink comes out to present a Lifetime Achievement Award to The Doors.

–(I’m afraid to make any jokes about Pink).

–Someone named “T.I.” follows that up with an unintelligible segue into the Best Soul Female R&B Performance.

–Excuse me, stewardess”¦.do you speak jive?

******

–MJB wins again. I love Mary J. and all, but if we have to sit through her fake tears all night, I might have to reconsider.

******

8 O’Clock Hour:


–Stevie Wonder introduces Corrin Bailey Rae, John Legend, and John Mayer.

–Somewhere out there, MC Bell is jumping up and down in anticipation of Mayer playing “I Wanna Run Through the Halls of My High School”¦”

–Everyone brags about John Mayer’s prowess as a blues guitarist, and he shows off some impressive chops here”¦but I’m sorry, the Statute of Limitations on “Your Body Is A Wonderland,” “Daughters,” and “The High School Song” has NOT run out. It’s going to take a while.

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Sorry, White Boy”¦your reincarnation as a Blues Man is going to have to wait.

–Mayer wins the next award, and thanks Michael McDonald first. That explains a lot.

–p.s. He’s also dating Jessica Simpson.

–On the bright side, though, how about Corrin Bailey Rae?? She’s a siren!

******


–Before the commercial break, they tease the upcoming Shakira performance, which inspires the following quote from my buddy Wolfeman: “Oh, Shakira, please wear something nice.”

–Shakira comes on”¦and our wish has been granted! She’s in a tube-top and is busting her Egypto/Latina belly-dance thing”¦and it is HOT! Wyclef Jean can hardly keep himself from rubbing up on her. He’s adjusted his junk three times already – I’m not even kidding.

–I’m in love! (With Shakira I mean”¦)

–CBS cameras cut straight from her performance to a shot of The Dixie Chicks. That’s one way to cool things off real quick.

–Next up, Burt Bacharach makes a pass at Seal. The Shakira fire has officially been extinguished.

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Shakira tiene una moda muy sabrosa.

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–Two ladies from “How I Met Your Mother” (??) introduce The Grateful Dead as Lifetime Achievement Award winners. Hippies everywhere regurgitate kind rainbow goo-balls in their mouths. Wasn’t Bill Walton available?

–Good try by The Grammys though. And nice footage of Jerry Garcia and Pigpen.

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–Now the song you’ve all been DYING to hear”¦.”Crazy,” performed live by Gnarls Barkley!! Seriously, they should play that song more often.

–Okay, okay”¦I’ll admit it. Best song of the millennium so far.

******

–Afterwards, cutaway #7 to the three finalists for the “My Grammy Moment” award”¦(a.k.a the “Let’s Rip Off American Idol Contest”).

–The young ladies once again hold hands and preen for the camera, inspiring The Wolfeman to say “I hope they start making out!”

–It’s official: Grammy loopiness has set in upon us.

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–Next presenters are Common and Kanye “George Bush Doesn’t Like Black People” West. This could be fun.

–Alas, no such luck. However, during his acceptance speech, Ludacris–best-dressed man of the night–thanks Bill O’Reilly and Oprah! That was worth it.

******

8:30 pm

–Okay, confession time. This is not a ‘live’ blog. We tivoed it. And this is the point of the show where things went CAREENING downhill. So let’s just play Tivo and fast-forward through the ‘highlights’:

Another PYT camera shot (alas, no making out). MJB performs. Dixie Chicks win again–Natalie Maines quotes Nelson Munsch in her acceptance speech (Please”¦make it stop”¦). Reba McEntire introduces a “Roots of Country Music” medley, then wipes ‘Red Man’ off her chin. Carrie Underwood – meow – sings an old-time country song. (Sadly, no camera shots of the crowds’ mass exodus to the restroom). Then, the low point of the night: Rascal Flatts does their best bar-karaoke version of “Hotel California.” The lead singer plays air-guitar at the end”¦ and there’s three minutes of our life we’ll never get back. How in the hell are these guys popular?? Oh wait”¦.NASCAR crowd”¦Now Carrie Underwood does “Desperado.” It looks surprisingly nice on ‘mute!’ Then, more “Guantanamo Bay Torture Music” from Rascal Flatts”¦ I’m pretty sure he’s singing “Life in the ‘Fat’ Lane.” Ladies and Gentlemen, The Roots of Country Music”¦ featuring The Eagles! The Grammys sure have their fingers on the pulse of music.

On a positive note, Lionel Richie is coming up (Thank God!!). In the meantime, Samuel L Jackson comes out in a beret”¦again. When the hell are his male buddies going to have a ‘beret-intervention’?? He introduces Smokey Robinson, who manages to move his lips through the Botox, a very impressive feat. And finally, Lionel”¦.and he’s singing “Hello”!! I couldn’t be happier. That’s followed by youngsters in Mexi wrestling masks, breakdancing. Very upsetting. But in keeping with the manic, up-and-down pace, Christina Aguilera comes out for a James Brown tribute”¦ resplendent in a white camel-toe suit, she KILLS “This is a Man’s World.” Afterwards, you can see Jamie Foxx nodding and saying “That was good stuff right there.” Can we just pretend like the Rascal Flatts thing never happened?

The ‘in-memoriam’ segment is next, properly capped off by a stylish tribute to James Brown. They hang his “Godfather of Soul” cape on a microphone and fade to black. Hard to believe, but every now and then the Grammys get it right.

It’s downhill from there. Amazingly, David Spade gets some airtime, MJB switches to her hair from 1994 for her performance with Ludacris, and James Blunt sings “You’re Beautiful” (while we frantically search for the ‘MUTE’ button). Then, former rock band The Red Hot Chili Peppers perform one of their new Adult Contemporary hits, and in the annual “The Grammys Have Zero Credibility” moment, The Dixie Chicks beat “Crazy” for Song of the Year”¦which is followed up by them beating four more deserving artists for “Album of the Year.” So in the end, the last three hours were an agonizing prelude to the Grammys Big Wet Kiss of the Dixie Chicks.

If you’ve lasted this long with me you probably feel as dirty and spent as I did after watching it. Please don’t hesitate to write MC and tell him I deserve a raise.

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

UPCOMING RELEASES… 2/20/07

ARTIST TITLE GENRE
EXPLOSIONS IN THE SKY ALL OF A SUDDEN I MISS EVERYONE ALTERNATIVE
PERKINS, ELVIS ASH WEDNESDAY ALTERNATIVE
BARSHEM GHETTONOMETRY Not Provided
BOB & GENE IF THIS WORLD WERE MINE Not Provided
CALL ME LIGHTNING SOFT SKELETONS Not Provided
CULTURE RAW TRUTH EXTENDED PLAY Not Provided
CURSED BLACKOUT AT SUNRISE Not Provided
DANIELS, DAVID KARSTEN SHARP TEETH Not Provided
ECHOES OF ETERNITY THE FORGOTTEN GODDESS Not Provided
ERASURE ON THE ROAD TO NASHVILLE Not Provided
FU MANCHU WE MUST OBEY Not Provided
HANDSHAKE MURDERS USURPER Not Provided
HELL RAZAH THE RENAISSANCE CHILD Not Provided
HIGH LLAMAS CAN CLADDERS Not Provided
IAMTHETHORN YOU ARE THE LAMB Not Provided
JIN ABC Not Provided
JOAKIM MONSTERS & SILLY SONGS Not Provided
KNIFE MARBLE HOUSE Not Provided
LAIBACH VOLK Not Provided
LYMBYC SYSTYM LOVE YOUR ABUSER Not Provided
METALIUM NOTHING TO UNDO-CHAPTER SIX Not Provided
NEIN LUXURY Not Provided
OH NO NOT STEREO OH NO NOT STEREO Not Provided
P.G. SIX SLIGHTLY SORRY Not Provided
PAGANIZE EVILUTION HOUR Not Provided
RED HARVEST A GREATER DARKNESS Not Provided
RODIGAN, DAVID & STING INTL. KINGS OF REGGAE Not Provided
SAMAMIDON BUT THIS CHICKEN PROVED FALSE Not Provided
SINNER MASK OF SANITY Not Provided
SLATER, LUKE FABRIC 32 Not Provided
TA’RAACH ELOVEE Not Provided
THIRSTON HOWL III & RACK LO LO DOWN & DIRTY Not Provided
TIME FLYS REBELS OF BABYLON Not Provided
ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA OUT OF THE BLUE Not provided
FERREIRA, ZACARIAS DIME QUE FALT Not provided
FINGER ELEVEN THEM VS. YOU VS. ME Not provided
GOOD CHARLOTTE GOOD MORNING REVIVAL Not provided
FIFTY CALIBER KISS ARMOR CLASS INVINCIBLE POP
VICCTOR KRUMMENACHER THE COCK CROWS AT SUNRISE POP
CLASSIC CASE LOSING AT LIFE ROCK
CONN, BOBBY KING FOR A DAY ROCK
COOL HAND LUKE THE BALANCING ACT ROCK
FRAMES, THE THE COST ROCK
JESU CONQUEROR ROCK
ONE AM RADIO THIS TOO WILL PASS ROCK
STERN, MARNIE IN ADVANCE OF THE BROKEN ARM ROCK
SWIFT, RICHARD DRESSED UP FOR THE LETDOWN ROCK
TRANS AM SEX CHANGE ROCK

Well, there you have it friends… another one in the bank. Until next week, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud.

Send pictures of your liter box, review copies, hate mail and assorted presents to:

M.C. Bell

P.O. Box 1222

Arvada, CO 80001

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Hey… it appears that Paris has a cat, too, because it clearly states this prescription is for her pussy.

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

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