FRED Entertainment

July 11, 2008

Win DALLAS: SEASON 9 on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:00 am

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We’re giving away, in conjunction with Warner Bros. Home Video, three (3) copies of DALLAS: SEASON 9 on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Friday, July 18th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Friday, July 18th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Ken P. D. Snyde-Cast #51: Cats Do Dance

Filed under: Ken P.D. Snydecast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:20 am

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Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and FRED’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.

Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.

Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.

VISIT THE SNYDECAST EXPERIENCE

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KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #51: Cats Do Dance – Ken & Dana return for another round of something or another, as Dana checks in while on the road with a not terribly good mic, as conversation turns to two of the greatest Vegas shows ever, a meal of sickeningly immense proportions, famous last words, the Henson legacy, and much more.

[CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #51 (MP3 format)

[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/snydecast/ken_p_d_snyde_cast-51.mp3]

SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

Got something to say? E-mail Dana & Ken at the Snydecast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SNYDECAST ARCHIVES

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Trailer Park: Why Is Batman Aligned With Chicago?

Filed under: Articles,Columns,Trailer Park — admin @ 12:18 am

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

I’m awesome. I wrote a book. It’s got little to do with movies. Download and read “Thank You, Goodnight” right HERE for free.

I was on vacation for a while. I’m not really back into the spew mode so I’m keeping this week’s introduction brief…

I begin with an honest query to which I hope isn’t so completely obvious: Why did Christopher Nolan choose Chicago as the metropolis of choice for the man of bats?

When I started reading comic books around May of 1986 (Still have it, too) I only read G.I. Joe. That was it and there wasn’t anything else in my life for years until I branched out into the Marvel arena. It wasn’t that I had made a conscious choice for Marvel over DC but I just gravitated to X-Men, Wolverine and a handful of other books. I was enthralled, and still am, by more mature stories that now include many DC titles. DMZ and some of the other smart Superman books make me wonder why I hadn’t dipped my toe in this company’s efforts sooner but there has always been a nagging question since seeing BATMAN BEGINS that has made me turn to someone out there who might be able to answer what should be an easy question.

I can’t argue that he chose one of the greatest cities which has ever burnt down but I’m at a loss for someone to explain Nolan’s choice as to why the Windy City was the town he saw best represented Batman’s Gotham.

When you see how Tim Burton sculpted the decaying Gotham in BATMAN you can understand why he went to the lengths he did to make it genuinely seem like this was a place that needed a guy like Bruce Wayne. When he easily could have chosen Toronto, or some other territory in the greater 51 states, Nolan went the way of Chicago for his tale. Was it something about it’s Midwestern-ness that appealed to him? Was it the lure of a good Italian Beef with sweet peppers and a cheese fry? I have so many questions about his location choice but if someone out in the peanut gallery has something to offer about this I would love to read your thoughts below.

Now, it’s nice day when you get a Ray Schillaci original in an e-mail.

His latest effort, another entry into the Worth Reviving series, comes in the form of BAD DAY AT BLACK ROCK. I haven’t ever seen this movie, I have never even heard of this movie and I sure as hell have never been in the position to ever glimpse the film. However, after reading his essay I am just as eager to see this as I am a lot of other movies I know I should.

Lastly, who’s going to Comic-Con? It’s 2 weeks away and already there’s some things I’m looking forward to seeing. I know many people say it’s played out and it’s crowded and it’s smelly but I think, honestly, for one weekend it’s nice to be ensconced in the lingua franca of geek.

GONZO: THE LIFE AND WORK OF DR. HUNTER S. THOMPSON (2008)

Director: Alex Gibney
Cast: Johnny Depp, Jimmy Carter, Pat Buchanan, George McGovern, Jimmy Buffett
Release: July 4, 2008 (Limited)
Synopsis: From Oscar-wining director Alex Gibney and producer Graydon Carter comes a probing look into the uncanny life of national treasure and gonzo journalism inventor Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. A fast moving, wildly entertaining documentary with an iconic soundtrack, the film addresses the major touchstones in Thompson’s life-his intense and ill fated relationship with the Hell’s Angels, his near-successful bid for the office of sheriff in Aspen in 1970, the notorious story behind the landmark Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, his deep involvement in Senator George McGovern’s 1972 presidential campaign, and much more. Narrated by Johnny Depp.

View Trailer:
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Prognosis: Negative. Even though I graduated with an English degree I have never read Ayn Rand nor have I ever cracked the cover of 1984, Catch-22 and countless other masterpieces. Additionally, I have never seen THE GODFATHER all the way through, DR. STRANGELOVE, ANNIE HALL, MIDNIGHT COWBOY, THE THIRD MAN or countless other treasures you’re supposed to have seen in order to pontificate about why your taste is better than mine. That said, I think that gives me an edge on a lot of other people out there. I’m not really cultured; therefore, you’ll never catch me droning on about the sanctity of anything. That’s why I really dig seeing this documentary on the life of Hunter S. Thompson. I mean, I own the Criterion edition of FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS but in the years I have owned it I have never taken it out of its shrinkwrap. Blasphemy, I know, in some circles but I just haven’t gotten around to it.

I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a cultural watershed, or if it’s any good, but I can appreciate that Johnny Depp has been tapped to narrate this tale of a journalist I have never read anything from. Whether his work is really deserving of the praise heaped on him by the cultural elitists of Rolling Stone I am not sure but I will say that your eyes are shot out of a cannon as soon as you enter this trailer’s sphere of influence.

As you listen to Depp have story time with the rest of us, he would absolutely make an excellent father if he regaled his children with this kind of literature, the visuals of the motorcycle of which Depp speaks has a visceral sheen on it. It’s like poetry come to life and the file photos used, because video is simply non-existent, do still resonate with the words Hunter used in his book about the Hells Angels.

Now, whether you agree with Depp’s next statement about what Hunter believed to the “the edge” and his inability to describe it unless you’ve ever gone over it is irrelevant. Hunter manufactured his persona in such a way in that many laypeople, like myself, only believed Thompson’s cultural relevance came in his ideas about loving guns and loving drugs.

I’m shocked to see Jimmy Carter making an appearance in this thing to describe the writing of Thompson and I’m equally intrigued to see Tom Wolfe pop in to discuss what he thought was Hunter’s raw emotion laid out on the page for the whole world to see. Again, whether you know his work intimately or whether you know the persona the trailer works to craft this nebulous human being and make him something whole. The use of pictures, a little bit of video and some crafty camera tricks helps to visually bring home the chaos that swirled around this man’s literary career.

The tales that dead men tell, Rolling Stone’s Jann Wenner recounting the life of one of their celebrated contributors, about Thompson’s love of guns is a curious side trip. I’m not real sure what it has to do with the writing, I’m positive that one does influence the other, but it’s a real hard transition that doesn’t quite work. It’s fine to be telling the tale of a man who seemed to defy normal narrative structure but that does not mean you have to have a trailer that embodies it. I mean, my ADD sensibilities appreciate it but the rest of the viewing public who may not be familiar with this guy deserve a little more context as to what one has in common with the other.

Further, I’m at a loss to try and square his journalistic exploits on the Hells Angels and Las Vegas with his political reporting. I mean we’ve got some McGovern campaign pollster saying that when Thompson entered the political arena with his reporting that “all hell broke loose” I am left scratching my temples. You’ve got to be a little more specific than just just saying his writing caused hell to actually break loose. It’s a little sloppy storytelling and just doesn’t help me figure out whether this guy is worth spending the money to discover more. You need to show me, not just tell me.

About this time, someone tosses in the verbal grenade that blows it wide open. Someone mentions that what made Hunter’s journalistic work so legendary was his blend of actual hardcore fact finding with pure, unadulterated fantasy.

Ahh! But of course.

For me, and it’s obvious that people will have different reactions, this is what I was waiting to hear. It all makes a lot more sense after hearing how Hunter’s words blended these two worlds together. It’s quite bizarre to hear how some of Thompson’s mistruths made it into the public sphere of influence, himself unabashedly honest about doing it, but I am troubled by the idea that one guy has about finding ourselves in the same place we were during the Vietnam War. Now, I don’t know what Thompson’s writing had to say about presidents and their need to send young men to die in foreign lands (the images of Nixon and Bush blending together, visually, to make the point) but this is a bit misleading. What one journalist had to say about war and their devastating impacts on life (stay tuned to see the video of Nick Berg mere moments before his decapitation in Iraq) and the fact we find ourselves in another hopeless war seems fairly meaningless and, frankly, it’s a stretch to think Hunter’s musings on war itself should have been the very thing to stop all future events like this. I’m nearly offended that the assertion and correlation between the two is made.

I wish that what one person had to say, no matter how spot on, could have been mistaken for the Nostradamus of our time about how those who forget history are condemned to repeat it but the fact remains that no matter how good you are you will never stop man’s inhumanity to man.

This trailer really only obfuscates the link between who the man was in his literary life, his personal life and public life. The triangulation between the three is what really should have been accentuated. As it stands, I am left confused by what I just saw before me and am left to try and piece together the hyperbole with what really should matter.

THE ROCKER (2008)

Director: Peter Cattaneo

Cast: Rainn Wilson, Christina Applegate, Jason Sudeikis, Emma Stone
Release:
August 1, 2008

Synopsis: The Rocker tells the story of a failed, drummer who gets a second chance at fame. Robert “Fish” Fishman is the extremely dedicated and astoundingly passionate (not to mention sweaty) drummer for the eighties hair band Vesuvius who is living the rock ‘n’ roll dream until he is unceremoniously kicked out of the group. Unfortunately for Fish, this happens right before Vesuvius becomes one of the biggest bands in the world. Fish is then forced to get a ‘real’ job and abandon his dream until an unlikely opportunity arises. Twenty years after getting booted out of the band he helped create, just when Fish has finally given up hope, all of his wildest fantasies come true.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Negative. I don’t really know how to say it delicately but I’ll just scribe it thusly: What a mess.

I was debating whether it was the paycheck or the promise of being front and center for a miserable film that appealed more to Rainn Wilson. I’m thinking it was more of the former without giving any thought to the latter. The premise, by any means, should have been amusing; it damn near feels like one of those vehicles that made Jack Black a marquee name.

What we come up with, though, is an opening that doesn’t really amuse as it does grate and annoy. It’s a funny joke to kick things off, Jeff Garlin lobbing the softball to his onscreen son to which the punchline feels like a comedic fist to the face, a la sibling fighting and squabbling, but what we continue to see in this trailer really doesn’t live up to anything worth noting.

I guess we have to take it at face value that Rainn was once the drummer of a successful 80’s band but not even a joke-y flashback where Rainn does a fast running in place gag as his original band members squeal away from him for reasons unknown, Rainn even tosses in a drumstick through the top of the car with little in the way of funny.

Oh, and then we get a painful, extended sequence, dubbed for some odd reason behind a George Thorogood musical bed, where Rainn agrees to be the drummer for his nephew’s high school band and then the best joke we’re given is that Rainn doesn’t believe he should hit the stage before 11 p.m. Not only are we led to believe that this guy really is that stupid but it’s not a very smart quip on the very common and mistaken trope of the late headlining musician.

“That’s the sound of the money truck backing up, Hoss”

I’m genuinely at a loss to understand what to make of the 2nd half of this trailer which I’m supposed to believe involves this band rocking so hard that they are now wanted for live gigs. How this all equates to Rainn being an inept asshole who doesn’t understand modern computer technology and whose idea of trashing a hotel room involves throwing a television out of the window only to take a power strip in the nuts. And, with regard to the latter, can anyone forgive Rainn for that strained, America’s Funniest Home Videos look on his face as he tries to effect that pain of having your scrotum knocked unconscious? I only have to believe someone let him know exactly how much his paycheck was in order for him to really give the moment a little extra sense of cheese.

I will even go so far as to say that the last 15 seconds of this trailer is reason enough to keep your money safely away from any box office looking to take it from you. This is definitely one that I wouldn’t even put in your Netflix queue unless you could dollar cost average your rental to this turkey to a quarter.

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Worth Reviving: Bad Day at Black Rock

Lest there be any confusion about this column let me reiterate that this is for the encouragement of film lovers to indulge themselves in celluloid ecstasy by turning their home into a mini revival theater. Bringing back what was lost or introducing an overlooked substantial piece of work that can entertain and/or be thought provoking. I will also an occasion make an emphasis on classics, as did the original revival theaters themselves due to the fact that we may have heard of them but maybe we never took the time for a viewing. Once that happens, the outcome is usually exhilarating. I discovered this when I happened to catch Buster Keaton’s “7 Chances”. I was surprised to find myself engaged and laughing out loud (with the rest of the audience) by a silent film.

While contemplating on my second choice as a revival piece to either introduce or see again, a multitude of weird, wild and the most obvious midnight fare danced through my head. As eclectic as some of that midnight fare can be I could not bring myself to go the obvious route when there are so many lost film gems from the past that do not get the recognition today that they deserve. In fact, if they do, it’s because someone cherished it enough and decided to do a remake. Case in point; “3:10 to Yuma”, one of the few remakes that not only paid homage to the original but improved upon it as well. Purists would probably call me blasphemous for that last statement.

Well, I might as well take the blasphemer road to hell when I suggest that a much-ignored film that is begging to be remade with the right cast, director and writer is, “Bad Day at Black Rock”. Friends, this is a treat for manly men, showcasing the talents of Spencer Tracy, Robert Ryan, Lee Marvin, Ernest Borgnine, Walter Brennan and a young Anne Francis just for eye candy sake. Now, for those of you barely remembering any title or star before the 70’s this has minor classic written all over it. The actors just mentioned were either the crème of the crop back then or up-and-coming to be Hollywood’s Stallone and Schwarzenegger but with a great deal more talent and charisma (you don’t get much smoother and tougher than Lee Marvin). Add to the fact that John Sturges (The Great Escape, The Magnificent Seven, The Eagle has Landed) was at the helm of this quirky thriller that some considered a tough-as-nails modern-day western with a premise so absurd in its day that it actually worked!

It’s 1945 and America is not only involved with WWII, they are also immersed in a morality war with itself with the creation of Japanese American internment camps. This is the subtle backdrop to a tawdry mini-classic of a thriller as a lone, aged, one-armed stranger steps off a train and into a tiny desolate town in the middle of nowhere, Black Rock, Arizona. John J. MacReedy is on a mission; locate a Japanese American named Kumoko and deliver a special message. But the residents of Black Rock don’t take kindly to strangers and obviously less kindly to Japanese Americans and their sympathizers.

For those familiar with “High Noon” there is the same sense of limited time that the main character may have due to the fact that everything appears stacked against him, including his disability. There are those in the town who you can’t stand due to their complacency and others who are so despicable you want to see them hurt in only the worst way. There are only a few standouts that struggle with the morale implications and they are frustrated along with MacReedy to do what’s right. As expanse as the scope of the film is, a disturbing sense of claustrophobia begins to develop as MacReedy runs into roadblock after roadblock leading him down an ugly alley with nowhere to go.

Once again, as with my other reviews, I do not want to hamper your viewing pleasure by riddling this with spoilers. What I will reveal is that MacReedy is told by several members of Black Rock that Kumoko was sent to an internment camp. Most of the townsfolk also relay that everybody would be better off if Macreedy just left as well. MacReedy is not easily dismissed since he is a survivor of the war himself. He questions the town and challenges the bullies when his back is against the wall. The handling of this is genius. Spencer Tracy underplays the part of Macreedy so well that you have no idea how or if he can ever get himself out of this situation. This story is a potboiler that builds to a wonderful crescendo.

There are three levels of danger in town that Robert Ryan, Lee Marvin and Ernest Borgnine portray, one more lethal than the other. And, each actor wears a badge of assholiness that one must see to be believed. Even Ann Francis, who I originally dismissed as just eye candy turns in the kind of performance you just want to spit on. This is not a happy story, but it tackles timeless issues with a verve that very few movies even attempt. This movie rocks from the rousing score by Andre Previn to the expansive cinematography by 2 time Oscar winner William C. Mellor. This is one of those films where everything just seems to fit perfectly and one may wonder why it’s not up there with the other pantheon of classics like “Maltese Falcon” or “Cape Fear”.

As I had mentioned before, after the first viewing, many will question why this has not been remade yet. They could keep the same time period or fast forward it and use the Patriot Act as the morality key. The writer and director would have to be carefully picked since they would have to have an appreciation of the original and the foresight to engage today’s audience. James Mangold did a bang up job with “3:10 to Yuma” and he would make a great candidate. The Coen brothers could probably take this story into an interesting and memorable spin as well. The cast is key in this one and an elder statesman like Gene Hackman or Jack Nicholson as MacReedy could really turn this into a major new classic. Throw in some heavy-hitters for badass like Russell Crowe, Javier Bardem and Thomas Hayden-Church and we could have a great time watching these guys go at it.

Now for the bad part”¦not only is this hard to find, but the movie was originally shot in Cinemascope and never released that way. Now the good news; at one time this was even hard to find on VHS, but recently Warner Brothers had the hindsight to release it on DVD enhanced for 16 x 9 screens. Still, that does not mean you will be able to find it at your local Blockbuster. Although, Hollywood Video may have it since they have beefed up their classic division. For those interested in adding it to your collection, the only drawback is the packaging, and if you’re like me, you’ll be disappointed. Warner Brothers for either nostalgic reasons (which I doubt) or pure laziness went with a 1950’s cover that does nothing for today’s audience. They could have easily given it the call-to-action it so deserves that they did with “The Adventures of Robin Hood” or “Casablanca”. I urge all of you not to wait any longer and rent this abandoned puppy as quick as possible. Happy viewing.

July 10, 2008

Masters Of Song Fu #1: The Final Round Master and Challenger Revealed!

Filed under: Masters Of Song Fu — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:37 am

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We here at Quick Stop Entertainment are true lovers of music, in all its forms. We’re also quite keen on the spirit of competition, and of spurring creativity through said competition.

To that end, we’ve launched a brand new form of creative combat here at the Stop.

In this age of manufactured and painfully earnest talent contests, we’ve decided to instead shine a light on the quirky, quixotic underworld of musicians that don’t get nearly the attention they deserve.

Ah, but I did mention that there was a competition involved…

A few weeks back, we sent out the call for challengers. Hundreds of you heard the call and fought for a chance to be in the initial group. 20 were selected. Only 19 responded in time.

Like a songwriting version of Iron Chef, the challengers were presented with a very specific songwriting challenge. They were given one week to complete their songs – however they saw fit, within the parameters set forth below…

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ROUND 1 CHALLENGE

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You must do a song in the style of a classic television show. Not only that, but this song is the theme for a fictional television show about yourself (or your band). By “classic television show” theme song, we mean the type of themes found in shows from the 1960’s – 1980’s (ie Gilligan’s Island, Cheers, The Fall Guy, Diff’rent Strokes, Welcome Back Kotter, Greatest American Hero, Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, The Facts Of Life, Green Acres, Gimme A Break, The Monkees, etc.). Your theme song must include both lyrics and music. It must run no shorter than 30 seconds, and no longer than one (1) minute.

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When all was said and done, only 16 of the 19 Challengers were able to send in the songs in time. You voted HERE. The TOP 7 vote getters then moved on to Round 2. Here’s the challenge given to our 7 Semi-Finalists…

ROUND 2 CHALLENGE

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Here’s where we step things up a notch. Your challenge is to write a song that utilizes a repeating syllable (ex: la, na, doo, etc.). The syllable must repeat at least 5 times in a row (ex: la la la la la). The resulting “repeated syllable” phrase can appear anywhere in your song, but must be repeated in full at least 3 times within the song. Also, this challenge includes a thematic element. Your song must feature a conflict between two (2) elements, provided below. You must choose one (1) element from COLUMN A and one (1) element from COLUMN B.

COLUMN A
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Santa Claus

Miami Dolphins

Stephen Hawking

A Beach Towel

High School Physics

Albania

The Color Orange

A Toothpick Factory

Marc Singer

Hydroponics

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COLUMN B
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Dracula

Linux

Pudding

Coupons

Scabies

Cosplayers

Your Kindergarten Teacher (must be named)

Albert Camus

Non-Alcoholic Lager

Doc Hammer

Your song must be at least 1m45s in length. Finally, your song must be an ORIGINAL CREATION, both music and lyrics, and can not utilize or sample a preexisting work.

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You also voted on the contributions of our three Masters, eliminating one. Two Masters remained, and they were presented a special challenge of their own. Their entries were also be voted on by you, the readers. The winner of the Masters Challenge is the one who duels with the winning Challenger.

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ROUND 2 MASTERS CHALLENGE

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The following challenge applies to our Masters of Song Fu only. As Masters, it is expected that they have achieved a musical voice all their own – but does their mastery extend to assuming the voice of another artist? With that in mind, Each Master is tasked with writing a song in the style of their opponent. The Masters will be judged on how accurately they write a song in their opponent’s style without it becoming a simple parody. When listening to their entries, you must genuinely believe that they were written by the original Master. Got that? The Master’s songs must also be no shorter than 1m45s.

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Well, you voted on the Round 2 Challenge HERE. Below, you’ll find the Master and the Challenger who will be battling head-to-head, and whose fate will also be determined by you. The FINAL CHALLENGE will be unveiled on TUESDAY, JULY 15th.

But right now, here’s the winning Master and Challenger. Give their Round 1 and Round 2 tunes a spin, and check back to see just what they’re in for as our very first MASTERS OF SONG FU draws to a close…

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MASTER OF SONG FU

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JONATHAN COULTON

songfu-01.jpgJonathan Coulton on Jonathan Coulton: “In 2005 I left my day job writing software to pursue music full time. To keep myself busy I released a new song on this website every week for a year in a project called Thing a Week. A few of those songs became big internet hits (my folky cover of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”, a funny video called “Flickr”, a song called “Code Monkey”), and I am now fortunate enough to make my living as a musician.

I write about a lot of geeky stuff because I am a geek. Some of it’s funny, but a lot of it’s not so funny, and even more of it is somewhere in between. I’ve been compared to They Might Be Giants, Barenaked Ladies, Loudon Wainwright III, and other musicians you REALLY LOVE.

I give lots of music away because I believe it helps my cause, and I love it when people use my music to create other stuff – music videos, pictures, remixes, etc. At the moment I’m unsigned, and I’m proud to say I’ve created this whole thing mostly on my own (with plenty of help from an amazingly supportive bunch of fans). But it certainly is getting busy… I will probably sell out and go Hollywood any day now…”

Official Website: www.jonathancoulton.com

ROUND 2 SONG: “Big Dick Farts A Polka (in the style of Paul & Storm)”
ROUND 1 SONG: “Monkey Shines“

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THE CHALLENGER

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JEFF MacDOUGALL

songfucomp-16.jpgThe Deal: After 20+ years making music as a hobby, I recently wrote and recorded a song for my daughter. I got a little taste of mild success (hey, my mom liked it). So now I’m taking my music out of the closet, dusting it off, and seeing how it does in the sunshine. Who knew there was so much work in just attempting to do music for a living. I feel like I am opening a Subway franchise (Only opening a Subway franchise seems more fulfilling in a creative way).

Official Website: jeffmacdougall.com

ROUND 2 SONG: “A Brief History Of Pudding”
ROUND 1 SONG: “Jeff MacDougall Dot Com“

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ROUND 2 VOTING RESULTS – THE CHALLENGERS

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[poll id=”3″]

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ROUND 2 VOTING RESULTS – THE MASTERS

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[poll id=”2″]

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If you triumph, not only will you win remarkable (and potentially off-putting) bragging rights and a clutch of fantastic mystery prizes, you will also become the proud owner of the magnificent, one-of-a-kind MASTER OF SONG FU TROPHY, designed and handcrafted by [adult swim] superstar Dana Snyder. Yes. Dana Snyder.

Good luck, and bring on the Fu.

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Comics & Comics: A Course In Comedy

Filed under: Comics and Comics — admin @ 2:19 am

COMics & Comics 31208- lOGO

Howdy Inter-Webbers, I’m Matt Cohen, and I dig sketch comedy (have we done this one yet?).

Let me clarify… I dig GOOD sketch comedy. There is possibly nothing as unfunny as a filmed comedy sketch that goes wrong. When jokes miss in a feature length film, it doesn’t really matter too much because if one doesn’t work, there is a good chance the next one will. With sketches, it’s a whole different, deadlier ball game. When all of your comedy boils down to one concept, and that one concept doesn’t hit, disaster is a light way of describing what occurs. I have seen some downright awful sketches in my day (most, unfortunately, on network television) and it has made me a bit of a snob when it comes to sketch comedy that I like. Because the truly funny troupes are so hard to find, when I do discover a group I enjoy, I tend to obsess a bit, as I do with most “fringe” things I get into. I can’t help it. There are few things in the world that impress me as much as a quality, successful comedy sketch. Over the years I’ve seen probably thousands of sketches – most crap, some good, and some on a whole different plane all together. This week, I take a look at the sketches I consider to be “The Best of All Time”. Now, that’s not saying the following pieces are the funniest sketches ever – they just happen to be some of my favorite. School’s ’bout to start, kids… Hope you brought me an apple (covered in caramel and Reeses Pieces).

IN NO RANKING ORDER (Choosing a favorite out of these would be like choosing my favorite finger, and though me and my right thumb are tight as hell, I like to think all of my fingers are worth their weight in gold… or at least pleather.)

Oh, and to be safe, these sketches may not be suitable for work… Unless you work somewhere cool

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Pre Taped Call in Show

Premise: Ken Doral (David Cross) is the host of a pre-taped call in show. Confused yet? Each week on the program, Ken takes calls that deal with the next week’s subjects. Still confused? It appears everyone is – except Ken.

The Audition

Premise: Denny Whitkin (Cross) is attending an open casting call for a role in a television show. He forgot to bring a chair. Can he borrow yours?

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Mr. Hilter

Premise: A small bed and breakfast has some new guests arrive for a stay. They may or may not be formal Nazi war criminals.

Confuse-A-Cat

Premise: What to do with a bored cat? Let Confuse-a-Cat do the hard work for you!

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Will Arnett Sex Tape

Premise: Aziz and Paul are two down on their luck paparazzi who come up with an idea to snag the hottest photos and get into the hottest locations. Three magic words… Olsen. Twin. Masks.

Clell Tickle: Indie Marketing Guru

Premise: Clell Tickle (Aziz) is the world’s foremost Indie music publicity master. Why, you may ask? Simple… Clell doesn’t take no for an answer..

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What Really Happened To Abe Lincoln

Premise: The place? Ford Theatre. The time? 18 something something (cmon!). The players? Abe Lincoln and John Wilkes Booth. Find out what really happened on that fateful day.

Sic Sempur Tyrranus

Premise: Or is this what really happened?

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Scottish Hotel

Premise: Ray McCooney (David Walliams) is the proprietor of a small bed and breakfast in Scotland. Some customers have some questions regarding their meal, and Ray has some answers. Have you ever heard?…

Only Gay in the Village

Premise: Daffyd Thomsan (Matt Lucas) is the only gay in his small Welsh village… Or so he likes to maintain.

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Hello Dave!

Premise: Reece Shearsmith is Papa Lazarou, some sort of clown/minstrel/traveling salesman/horrific monster. Papa’s wife needs to use the restroom. The only question is, will Dave be home to answer the door?

Jedd Hunter’s Commercial

Premise: Pamela Dove (Shearsmith) is an aspiring actress. What she is aspiring to is anyone’s guess. Jedd Hunter (Steve Pemberton), famed commercial director, gives Pam her first audition.

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Ass Pennies

Premise: Matt Walsh and Ian Roberts discuss ways to avoid being intimidated at work. It involves pennies and ass.

Fortune Cookies

Premise: The UCB four eat at a Chinese restaurant, and when the fortune cookies are brought out, Ian Robert’s lucky numbers won’t be the only thing revealed.

——–

That’s the list. Love it? Hate it? Love me? (Not likely) Hate me? (More likely) Leave a comment, and while you’re at it, leave a link to your own favorite comedy sketches. I’m sure I left out some of your personal bests (I did it on purpose, out of spite), so be a nice neighbor and share with the class.

Wasn’t that fun, kids? I had a blast – so much fun, in fact, that I think I need a week to recover. So check back on the get back. And, as always,

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

Matt Cohen is currently wondering if it rains down in Africa.

Cabin Fever #30: Oration Sensation

Filed under: Cabin Fever — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:38 am

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cabin.jpgOh no! Just when you thought it was safe to hang out at the Quick Stop…

Cabin Fever (hosted by the twisted souls Brian Fitzpatrick and Aaron Poole) is the result of having too much time on your hands and access to your local community radio station.

Over the course of an hour, they manage to trawl the depths of good taste, plus throw some music in. How much more could you want from a podcast?… Quality? Oh… we didn’t think of that.

Enjoy! And we hope our cross Atlantic friends can understand the Irish accent 😉

Hugs and Kisses,
Aaron P. + Rev. Fitzy

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CABIN FEVER #30: Oration Sensation – In a shock to everyone’s system, the boys return for the second week in a row. This week they tackle such serious and pressing issues as teen pregnancy, racism, and 5 foot tall bronze enemas. You wouldn’t have it any other way. To keep your toes tapping, Marner Brown and The MattLees Band play some dulcet tones.

[CONTENT WARNING]: Explicit contents! We say every naughty word you can think of. You have been warned!

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July 8, 2008

TV Or Not TV: 7/7 – 7/13

Filed under: TV Or Not TV — admin @ 2:42 am

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Ah, summer. Temperatures outside are running higher, television quality is running lower and we all depend on the local mega-plex and other destination entertainment to keep us occupied. What’s a TV critic to do?

Sadly one thing I have to do at this point is to state my dissatisfaction with the current season of Weeds. Don’t get me wrong, the show is still good. Right now I am sure that what I am suffering from is the not knowing of the vision of where the story is going. I’m not really feeling Nancy Botwin just being a drug mule, especially after her statement last season that she isn’t anyone’s bitch any more, yet here she is depending on her daily bread coming from moving drugs across the border for somebody else. I think that it also doesn’t help for me that she is currently on the DEA radar because there is, on the surface, only one inevitable conclusion which is her being busted. The good folk over at LOST and Heroes can be partially blamed for my early skepticism as both shows had second seasons that started off weak but (thankfully) got much better (LOST also had the same syndrome its third season and we have yet to see if Heroes will suffer the same mistake).

There is a shining star out there this week, a nice beacon of hope. That light is Burn Notice premiering on Thursday. Don’t miss it.

Let’s move on to the nitty-gritty”¦

MONDAY

ABC ““ 8:00 PM: The Bachelorette makes her decision tonight. I’ll be on the edge of my seat I’m sure.

SHO ““ 10:00 PM: Since I rode it pretty hard above I have to say that there may be something to Weeds this week. The family sits shiva, Albert Brooks is at his last episode and I’m hoping things move more in a forward direction.

TUESDAY

NBC ““ 8:00 PM: This week on Celebrity Family Feud it’s all about Earl with the Hickey clan vs. the Camden County All-Stars. The second pairing is the cast of The Office vs. the American Gladiators. If they do all of this in character it could be outstanding. If not, it’s just a commercial masquerading as a show.

FOX ““ 9:00 PM: Tonight the final chef is chosen on Hell’s Kitchen. Here is hoping he makes someone cry anyway.

The CW ““ 9:00 PM: If you missed it the first time you can catch Jamie Kennedy’s guest spot on Reaper tonight as he plays a musician trying to sell his soul for fame.

WEDNESDAY

NBC ““ 8:00 PM: Baby Borrowers just keeps getting better and better. The teens now have to deal with toddlers and one of the teens finally reaches the breaking point.

E!”“ 8:00 PM: Bask in the shallowness of the 30 Best and Worst Beach Bodies.

SCIFI ““ 10:00 PM: Tracy Morgan is the new host for this season of Scare Tactics. If he’s half as crazy as he comes off on 30 Rock this could be good.

THURSDAY

NBC ““ 8:00 PM: It’s nothing but Last Comic Standing tonight as the 12 final contestants are chosen in the re-air of last week’s episode followed by speed round head to head laugh off’s between them to decide who gets immunity.

USA ““ 10:00 PM: Tonight is the return of last summer’s surprise hit Burn Notice. Even though the show is shot in Miami they figured out another way to turn up the heat by casting Battlestar Galactica’s Tricia Hellfer.

FX ““ 8:00 PM: Don’t let the title fool you, Hellboy is a great story and a visual wonder to behold.

FRIDAY

USA ““ 11:00 AM: Get in the mood for next week’s season premiere of Monk with a nice marathon. You just can’t get enough of the Defective Detective.

TNT ““ 8:00 PM: Enjoy the touching tale of a father/daughter reunion after overcoming great adversity in ConAir.

SCIFI ““ 10:00 PM: It’s the season premiere of Stargate Atlantis. I don’t follow the show at all but thought you might like to be reminded.

SATURDAY

ABC ““ 8:00 PM: On the Wonderful World of Disney we are treated to The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement.

FOOD ““ 10:00 PM: The backyard isn’t just for men tonight on Grill Girls.

SUNDAY

CBS ““ 8:00 PM: My big summer guilty pleasure, Big Brother, returns with it’s 10th installment. There are a ton of reasons why I love this show starting with the loveable and extremely hate-able contestants, the rapid decline of the social structure and the rapid decline in the contestant’s paranoia. The only problem with the show is that there are usually too many people in the beginning, some of which are easy to confuse with the others. This edition they are at least promising us people of a greater age range and extremely conflicting beliefs/personalities. I predict that within another three seasons this show will just be booked by the same people that find guests for Jerry Springer, who you can catch on”¦

NBC ““ 9:00 PM: This year’s Miss Universe Pagent is hosted by Jerry Springer and Mel B who you can also catch on”¦

TLC ““ 9:00 PM: The Singing Office drops in on JetBlue and the Los Angeles Zoo to find their contestants for this week’s sing off.

– Will Wilkins can’t believe he tied all of Sunday together like that.

Opinion In A Haystack: I AM LUCAS

Filed under: Opinion In A Haystack — admin @ 2:20 am

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A short, short time from now”¦in a state not that far away, the most unique terrorist attack in the history of earth is about to take place. It will not be thrown upon its victims due to politics, religion, land, or food”¦but out of love. Love of an art form. An army of men, better known as the George-Lucas Excommunicative Experimental Kinship (or GEEK,) toil away in their painfully cliché’ parent’s basements. Through extensive research and highly-evolved GEEK knowledge they construct a neurotoxin that attacks the centers of the human brain most active in those that have the slightest amount of talent and/or passion for telling stories and making films. They plan to stop Hollywood dead in its tracks, crashing the “can’t leave well-enough alone” train from going any further. The toxin renders the victim completely unable to be creative in the slightest capacity, which, as the research shows, gives great rise to plain white t-shirt sales.

GEEK, reeling with anger from years of constant cinematic rape of their childhood heroes and stories, releases the toxin throughout all of Hollywood via coffee houses, coke parties, and cellular telephone stores. Needless to say, it disables everyone in or remotely associated with the American movie industry, turning them into creatively-void zombies walking the streets with nothing new or inventive in their minds. George Lopez and Dane Cook finally fit in.

However, the attack goes completely awry. GEEK’s main target, that of George Lucas himself, goes completely unaffected (also Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, except they have talent, yet it’s just for turning a profit and being less funny then AIDS.) Scrambling to figure out where their calculations went wrong, it comes to their attention that Lucas’s brain center’s for talent, and especially passion, have been completely stone dead for the past 20 years. Every writer and director in Hollywood is now rendered useless. The studios panic, they know they can no longer put their faith, money, or trust in fresh new talent or properties that don’t already exist with a built-in fan base”¦so they go to the only man left that is still functioning the same as before. George Lucas is given the task by all major studios to write, direct and possibly star in hundreds upon thousands of CGI-soaked sequels, prequels, and remakes to pre-existing franchises. Lucas, of course, plans to triumph at his main goal, which is to suck every last ounce of mystery, beauty, and timeless endurance out of everything he touches. Here are simply a few of his upcoming projects:

(note to reader: to make this all the more authentic I am writing it in the period of exactly one weekend all off the top of my head, while simultaneously disregarding all my knowledge of the existing source material, tone, character traits, and franchise precedents set in prior installments.)

Title – Gremlins: Origins

Director ““ George Lucas

Writers ““ David Koepp & George Lucas

Music ““ Composed and conducted by The John Williams’s Score Simulator 3000

Cast ““ Zach Galligan (as the voice of the Human), Shia LeBeouf, Ben Kingsley (as Scythe), and Tom Cruise

Production ““ Prequel. All mogwais and gremlins will be fully-digitally created in a fully realized live-action computer generated environment by ILM. Zach Galligan’s voice will make a cameo at the very end, however his part will be played by a life-sized, computer-controlled human puppet.

Pitch ““ The long awaited tale of how America’s favorite green menaces came to be. Pioneer director Lucas takes us on a long and breathtaking ride through his vision of Gizmo’s journey from infant mogwai to where we first met him. We begin on the Mogwai planet Terthdor, showing gizmo’s parents, Frenzoy and Yuter, walking through the highly-detailed and complex city of Bloutohn. We learn, through passing television ads and character banter (all the mogwais and gremlins can talk in English with british accents) about the ongoing global war between the Mogwai Unitarian Front and “those whom have consumed” or the Morphed Ones. They are a race of mogwais that broke the cardinal rule of their race and consumed foodstuffs after their local star, Halphi 385-2, set below the horizon, thus morphing them into devilish, marauding, deformed creatures. The leader of the Morphed Ones being, Scythe, an extremely evil brute, the son of Scrape who started the rebellion against Mogwai society. Frenzoy and Yuter soon go to a local hydration center, where little Gizmo is born during a city-wide invasion of the Morphed Ones. Gizmo eventually grows to lead the Unitarian Front, saves the planet, and leaves Terthdor to explore the galaxy as a mighty conqueror.

Title ““ The Never Ending Story 4: Never Beginning

Director ““ George Lucas

Writers ““ David Koepp (Dialogue by George Lucas)

Music ““ Composed and conducted by Tay Zonday

Cast ““ Shia LeBeouf, Bill Pullman and Cher

Production ““ Prequel. All creatures and beings found in Fantasia will be fully digitally-created in a fully realized live-action computer generated environment by ILM. All humans will be filmed in full green screen bodysuits with only their faces exposed. Necessary elements (rooms, furniture, nature, torsos, and limbs) will be added in post, including re-edited human lip movements that need adjustment to last-minute script changes.

Pitch ““ Brilliant storyteller and dream weaver George Lucas shows us a peek into the creation of the most mysterious book in all of filmdom. A four-and-a-half hour drama detailing the life of Hanson Kentucky, the author of The NeverEnding story. The entirety of the film will take place in Hanson’s apartment, while he pecks away at his trusty typewriter and has extremely extended conversations with his roommate Gorge Klucas. The culmination will, of course, be the last hour and fifteen minutes, which shows the extended process of book binding. All shots of Fantasia and Fantasia-related characters will be found after the credits, which will tell the prequel story of how Hanson Kentucky did drugs in the early 60’s and created a beautiful world of fantasy while sitting in the parking lot of a local cake-icing factory”¦all Fantasia characters will be shown in extremely quick, one frame per character, photo montages to The Imperial March.

Title ““ Police Academy: The Jolly Adventures of Young Mahoney

Director ““ George Lucas

Writers ““ David Koepp, George Lucas

Music ““ Composed and conducted by Five Young Cannibals

Cast ““ Vin Diesel (as the voice of Commandant Lassard,) Sarah Jessica Parker, Shia LeBeouf (as the voice of Young Mahoney,) and Roseanne Bar

Production ““ Prequel. A CG-animated family adventure

Pitch ““ America’s favorite Police Officer is back! This time, with maverick director George Lucas at the helm, we find Mahoney at the spry age of six playing “cops and robbers” in his parent’s backyard with other local children that in no way resemble the varied plethora of characters found throughout the Police Academy movies. This will be a PG-rated family comedy about one young boy’s life long quest to become not only an upstanding citizen, but a stern and just member of the police force. Steve Guttenberg is in talks to cameo as the Grizzled Waste Barge Captain.

Title ““ Poltergeist: Life to Death

Director ““ George Lucas

Writers ““ David Koepp, George Lucas, Uwe Boll

Music ““ Composed and conducted by Papa Roach

Cast ““ Jon Lovitz, OprahWinfrey, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Shia LeBeouf and Bernie Mac (as the voice of the Ghost Puppy)

Production ““ Prequel. Live-Action. All actors will be digitally-replicated using motion capture technology, while practical effects will be used to bring the Ghost Puppy to the life. (Ghost Puppy puppets will be digitally rotoscoped in post to fit with the rest of production)

Pitch – A live-action romp through the lives of the humans whose souls are destined to haunt the Freeling family household. Our story, written by earthbound deity George Lucas, begins in the olden days of the Wild West (year not researched.) The narrative takes place on the Freeling Family Ranch, where Wilbur Freeling and his family of five live peacefully raising chickens. Soon the evil local sheriff, played with a CG face and digitally simulated voice by Jon Lovitz, alerts Wilbur that he owes a mighty hefty amount of taxes and if he doesn’t pay up the bank will take the farm. Just to show how serious he is, the sheriff kills the family dog Buttermeat. Luckily, through a series of fight scenes, wagon chases, and alien abductions, the Freeling Family finds a way to resurrect Buttermeat the Puppy and with his newfound ghost abilities (as well as his unexplained ability to talk) he helps the Freelings pay off the bank and save the ranch. Stay tuned after the credits, a fully animated Meet Buttermeat The Ghost Puppy comedy short awaits, along with further adventures of Buttermeat, to be released simultaneously with the theatrical release. Buttermeat Blu-Rays will be found in every new Poltergeist: Life to Death action figure play set!

Title ““ Back To The Future 2009

Director ““ George Lucas

Writers – David Koepp, George Lucas, David Spade

Music ““ Composed and conducted by Hannah Montana

Cast ““ Megan Fox (as Marty McFly), Shia LeBeouf (as Doc Brown), and Michael Bay (as Biff Tannen)

Production ““ Remake. All actors will be shot at separate times, separate sound stages, using separate versions of the script in front of green screens and digitally placed in a fully realized live-action CG environment. Several Deloreans will be purchased, dismantled, have all parts scanned into 3D replication computer programs, melted down, discarded, then reassembled digitally and have actors placed inside them through the miracle of Digital-CG-Greenscreen-Computer-Anti-analog-3D-digital technology. The digital 3D Delorean model will be formatted to look like a Hummer H3.

Pitch ““ Freedom propagator and certified genius George Lucas takes on his most challenging battle yet, to finally make a heavily beloved film classic (that he barely remembers) ACTUALLY watchable to him and his children. We find our female hero Marty Mcfly as a struggling nymphomaniac high school student in the year 2009 who befriends a borderline teenage physicist by the name of Doug Brown, better known to his drug dealers and mafia contacts as Doc. Marty and Doc, while participating in a heavily sexual deviant act in the midst of driving to a local crack house accidentally drive their parent’s H3-Delorean into a wormhole. They soon find themselves in the land of Thefewture, where they befriend a local hovercraft-Priest named Biff who teaches them a lesson about respecting animal rights and safe sex practices. Mr. Lucas plans on remaking the entire trilogy, all concluding with Doc Brown revealing his true identity, that of Hue-E Luiss from the Planet Lovepower.

Title ““ Ghostbusters (possible subtitle: Ascension of the Demon Death Killers from Hell)

Director ““ George Lucas

Writers ““ David Koepp, George Lucas

Music ““ Composed and conducted by Lenny Kravitz

Cast ““ Cuba Gooding Jr., Shia LeBeouf (as Slimer)

Production ““ Remake. Taking a cue from the structure of The Nutty Professor films, Cuba Gooding Jr. will be playing the role of every ghostbuster, Dana, Goezer and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. The entire movie will be completely produced, animated, polished, directed, rendered, and finished by Pixar Studios as if it were to be released theatrically as a CG-animated movie. Cuba will then be shown the movie on a green screened set, while trying his best to act out each role of the entire film while viewing the fully produced animated feature. His performance, along with Mr. LeBeouf’s will then be reproduced digitally, acted out by professional mimes wearing motion-capture suits then re-animated to which the actors will then add their voices. The original fully-produced animated feature will then be discarded in the furnaces below Skywalker Ranch.

Pitch ““ Story-crafting film-God and monument-to-integrity George Lucas tries his hand at re-imagining one of the most loved and respected comedies ever made. Due to the extremely complex and ingenious form of filmmaking being used the movie will only run a brisk 38 minutes, 15 of which will consist of the tightly-woven complexities of Egon’s childhood in which he reads several books and experiences difficulty sleeping. Soon demons from the fourth circle of hell invade New York City killing every human they come into contact with by gutting them like sinful fish. Lucas, doing his best to be in keeping with the franchise, brings us to a climax beyond epic proportions as The Ghostbusters soon team up with the loveable 100 foot tall Marshmallow Man and his army of kung-fu mini-mallows and battle the head of the demons from hell”¦Slimer.

Title ““ Beverly Hills Cop 4: The Rise of the Disappointed Man

Director ““ George Lucas

Writer ““ George Lucas

Music ““ Composed and conducted by George Lucas

Cast ““ George Lucas (as the Disappointed Man), Shia LeBeouf (as Axel Foley)

Production ““ Will contain not only the greatest quantity but, by far, the greatest computer generated special effects ever put to screen or seen by human retinas. Lucas and LeBeouf, the only human actors to appear in the entire film, will spend at least 5 years, 10 hours a day, painted in full body green screen latex liquid adhesive. This will, quite possibly, be the most ambitious film project ever to be attempted, requiring more money, man power, resources, post production, and technological advancement then 300,000 times that of The Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Pirates of the Caribbean, and the Clerks movies multiplied by six and all combined as one lump sum. The fully-generated real world environments will have a higher resolution then that of any HD format, possibly even higher then real life itself.

Pitch ““ Earth’s intellectual savior and the smartest and most creative man in all the span of recorded human history, George Lucas, captains this film as if it were the life of his only child. The unenlightened should remember that Mr. Lucas brilliantly portrayed the role of the Disappointed Man in Beverly Hills Cop 3. His small, but miraculous turn as a man waiting for a ride on an amusement park attraction, only to be told he can’t get on it, took him to the very depths of his soul, possibly reaching the breaking point. Lucas, a method actor, took the role to heart, and now using every skill and resource at his disposal, will finish off this character’s story. We come into this saga not much longer after the events which transpired for the Disappointed Man during BHC3. He wanders the streets, mumbling with anger, brimming with viscous rage, plotting his vengeance against Axel Foley and Planet Earth for their refusal to let him have his share of fun. He goes mad with revenge coursing through his brain. He discovers that Axel Foley’s definition of fun is watching his favorite film adventure series starring his favorite film character ever”¦Dakota Johnson. The Disappointed Man goes on a mission. Using his huge bank account and vast connections within the film industry, he gets the writing/directing job on the next Dakota Johnson movie”¦Dakota Johnson and the Land of the Ruby Eyeballs. He carefully studies all three previous Dakota movies, takes extensive notes on tone, character, plot, dialogue, and fan reactions. His in-depth reports on the original Dakota trilogy sum up everything that was beloved and enjoyed by every lifelong, die-hard, fan of the franchise”¦especially that of Axel Foley himself. The world, and Axel, wait with baited breath for the return of their favorite hero of all time, only to be horrified at the result. The Disappointed Man, filled with blind rage and acute knowledge of overblown dreck, turned Foley’s beloved hero, his source of fun and his inspiration to be a hero himself, into a childish tub of festering gopher shit, covered in a thick layer of anuses that spew vomit onto the beautiful Dakota Johnson trilogy that preceded it. Axel Foley mourns the rape of his hero. The Disappointed Man successfully destroyed Foley’s fun, as well as everyone else’s. Foley, sadly sitting surrounded by his framed Dakota Johnson original trilogy posters simply laments to himself”¦ “If only he would have left well enough alone and realized there were OTHER rides in the park he could fucking get on. Piece of shit”¦I miss Billy.”

The following projects are soon to be further developed by George Lucas, once he gets a few more weekends free to talk to his kids about ideas. All of the following star Shia Lebouf, as well as none of the original cast members, unless otherwise noted:

– Ernest Saves The Universe

– Revenge of the Nerds 5: Voyage to NERD Island

– Dumb and Dumbererer: Harry and Lloyd go to Heaven

– Blues Brothers 3000

– Lumberjack Pee-Wee’s Giant Tree House

– Predator 3: Pizza Vacation

– Rocky Balboa 2: Rocky 7: PUNCH Planet!

– Short Circuit 3: Johnny wins the Robotic Olympics

– Star Trek: The Day The Moon Expanded

– Superman and the Onslaught of Alien Pimps

– Lethal Weapon 5: The Haunted Missile Silo

– Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2

– Naked Gun 4: The Serious Files

– Wayne‘s World 3: Wayne‘s Galaxy

– Crocodile Dundee 4: Peace In The Middle East

– Kill Bill Volume 3: The Bride vs. The Pope

– Star Wars: Clone Wars: Episode 2: Attack of the Clones Part 2.5: Revenge of the Sith Part 0.5: Clone Wars 2: Pre-Sith Revenge: The Empire Fights the Rebel Alliance: Star Wars: The Animated Adventures: The Live Action Version

If you have any other ideas for sequels, prequels, remakes, or re-issues for George Lucas to make please email him at Filmmakermangod@genius.com. Thanks for reading.

July 6, 2008

SModcast 56

Filed under: SModcast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:31 pm

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Your TextSModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.

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SModcast 56: And Now a Word from Our Sponsor –

In which our heroes try to manufacture road rage, enter handy negotiations, draw the line at what they’d do for a Make-a-Wish kid, and catch up with an old bathroom buddy.

[CONTENT WARNING] SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
SModcast 56 (MP3 format) – 56.61 MB

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Wanna add your two cents? Spend it here, in the SModcast mailbag.

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Win DRILLBIT TAYLOR on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:34 pm

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We’re giving away, in conjunction with Paramount Home Video, five (5) copies of DRILLBIT TAYLOR on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Monday, July 14th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Monday, July 14th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

July 4, 2008

Weekend Shopping Guide 7/4/08: A Wall-E-Palooza

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The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

Continuing the tradition begun with Monsters, Inc., we’re gifted with another beautiful collection of production artwork and designs for Pixar’s latest flick with The Art Of Wall-E (Chronicle Books, $40.00 SRP). Chronicle and Pixar have really set the standard for how to pull the volumes together, and their presentation is always top-notch. My only complaint is I wish it were at least twice as long.

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Anyone with even the slightest knowledge of sci-fi (or Dick Tracy, or The Venture Bros.) surely must have dreamed of the day that mankind would finally develop the technology needed to realize the video watch. That’s right – the ability to watch incredibly sharp video on your wrist. And view pictures. And listen to MP3s. Well, the dream has been realized with the Stainless Steel Video Watch ($129.99). Featuring a 1.8″ screen and a whopping 8GB of memory, it’s an incredible piece of equipment that will get you feeling like a futuristic superspy in no time.
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Though my favorite Billy Joel album remains the severely underrated Turnstiles (I spent an entire summer with a friend tooling around in his VW bug listening to “Summer, Highland Falls”), a close runner-up would be the album that saved Joel from being dumped by his label, and cemented him as an artist to be reckoned with – 1977’s The Stranger. In (belated) celebration of the album’s anniversary, we get the fully remastered 2-disc The Stranger: 30th Anniversary Edition (Sony Legacy, $49.98 SRP), featuring not only the original album, but also a never-before released live recording of Billy’s Carnegie Hall performance on June 3, 1977. As an extra bonus, the set also includes a bonus DVD featuring a newly-produced making-of documentary, original promotional films, and Billy’s 1978 concert for Britain’s Old Grey Whistle Test. Hopefully the rest of his early albums get the same kind of revisiting.

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And while we’re on the topic of expanded revistings, I must mention the new deluxe editions of both the eponymous Elton John and my favorite Elton album, the country rock Tumbleweed Connection (Universal/Rocket, $29.98 SRP each). Both discs feature glittering remasters, but the real treat is the bonus discs, which contain rare demo tracks and period live performances. With these two sets and the previously released Captain Fantastic and Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, all we’ve got left is Empty Sky, Madmen Across The Water, Honky Chateau, Rock Of The Westies, and Caribou to complete the classic, must-have Elton set, before his music morphed into pappy, forgettable shit in the 80’s and 90’s. Where are you, 70’s Elton? Come back from wherever you went.

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Just when the summer doldrums were beginning to set in, I found out just why everyone has been fawning over Mad Men (Lionsgate, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP) – the AMC series about Madison Avenue ad execs in the early 60’s. The reason why everyone has flocked to it? Because it’s one hell of a great show. Check out the first season for yourself. The 4-disc set features all 13 episodes, plus audio commentaries, featurettes, and more. The first season is also available on Blu-Ray ($49.99 SRP), with identical bonus features.

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While we still can’t the series itself on DVD, at least we can watch the camp glory that is the Adam West Batman: The Movie (Fox, Rated PG, Blu-Ray DVD-$39.98 SRP) in full-blown high definition Blu-Ray. The disc features the same bonus features as the standard DVD, including audio commentaries, featurettes, and more.

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Even 20 years later, Heathers (Anchor Bay, Rated R, DVD-$19.97 SRP) holds up as a painfully funny snapshot of the awkward, cutthroat nature of high school. The new 20th anniversary edition of the film features a brand new transfer, but double dips from previous editions on an audio commentary, a retrospective featurette, a screenplay excerpt of the original ending, and the theatrical trailer. It does, however, feature one new retrospective featurette, “Return to Westerberg High”.

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Any flick that’s smart enough to cast both Patton Oswalt and Mindy Cohn is – at the very least – worth a viewing. Written and directed by Daniel Waters (the writer of Heathers), Sex And Death 101 (Anchor Bay, Rated R, DVD-$29.97 SRP) is one of those pleasant surprise on home video discoveries that you wind up enjoying. It stars Simon Baker as a man who receives a mysterious e-mail that details everyone he’s had sex with – and everyone he’ll have sex with in the future. Unfortunately, it’s uncertain if his list ends in commitment – or something far worse, as there’s an equally mysterious femme fatale on the loose (Winona Ryder) that’s targeting men guilty of sex crimes against women. Bonus features include an audio commentary, a featurette, and a trailer. A Blu-Ray edition is also available (Anchor Bay, Not Rated, DVD-$ SRP), featuring identical bonus materials to the standard edition.

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From the director of the upcoming Pineapple Express comes a smart, gritty little indie flick about an escalating blood feud amongst a group of half brothers in the Arkansas back roads. In Shotgun Stories (Genius, Rated R, DVD-$24.95 SRP), the two sets of siblings – who knew different versions of their father, one a violent drunk and one a sober, middle-class man – come crashing together at their father’s funeral. The DVD features an audio commentary, an isolated score track, trailers, and more.

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To be honest with you, the only reason I ever watched Evening Shade (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$39.99 SRP) was for the presence of the ever-delightful Charles Durning. Sure, the rest of the cast – Burt Reynolds, Marilu Henner, Michael Jeter, Hal Holbrook, and Ossie Davis – was enjoyable, but I was there for Durning. The 5-disc set features all 24 first season episodes, but not a single commentary, featurette, or interview with Durning. Damn.

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If you’re in a pinch and need an entirely watchable, inoffensive romantic comedy to fill out a date with, look no further than Definitely, Maybe (Universal, Rated PG-13, DVD-$29.98 SRP). The cast alone – including Ryan Reynolds, Kevin Kline, Elizabeth Banks, and Rachel Weisz – makes it an interesting proposition, and the story about a father trying to explain to his daughter about the past loves of his life prior to her mother is a nicely awkward premise.

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It’s certainly not a comedy classic, but there’s a goofy, almost 80’s quality about Drillbit Taylor (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$34.99 SRP), which stars Owen Wilson as a slacker fists-for-hire who’s contracted by a trio of nerdy high schoolers to act as their on campus bodyguard. Its 80’s-like quality is probably due to the fact that it’s based on an idea by John Hughes, even though the script was brought to life by Seth Rogen and Kristofor Brown. The unrated DVD features additional footage, an audio commentary, deleted/extended scenes, and behind-the-scenes featurettes. Also available in Blu-Ray ($39.99 SRP).

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I’m sure you’re just as shocked as I am that Walker, Texas Ranger (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$49.99 SRP) made it to a fifth season. I guess there’s no discounting the durability of ludicrously goofy shows that take themselves far more seriously than the acting and writing permits. Anyway, here’s another 25 episodes sure to delight anyone with a penchant for unintended comedy.

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If you’ve been missing the true-crime stories with a sly presentation that was City Confidential, then you want to check out the marriages gone sour stories recounted in Till Death Do Us Part (Anchor Bay, Not Rated, DVD-$35.99 SRP). They key to enjoying the show is the witty, tongue-in-cheek presence of host John Waters. Yes, that John Waters. The 3-disc set features all 13 episodes, plus new introductions from waters and interviews.

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Kyra Sedgwick is back as homicide investigator Brenda Johnson in the 3rd season of Closer (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP), facing down the return of a dormant serial killer, a missing child, and the mysterious death of a Homeland Security official. The 4-disc set features all 14 episodes, plus unaired scenes, a featurette, and a gag reel.

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Karl Malden and Michael Douglas are back on The Streets Of San Francisco (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP) with the first volume of the second season. The 3 disc set features 11 episodes detailing the exploits of Lt. Mike Stone and Inspector Steve Keller as they face down convicts, robbers, and even an assassin. Yes. An assassin.

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So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

-Ken Plume

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Cabin Fever #29: Along Came A Spider

Filed under: Cabin Fever — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:41 am

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cabin.jpgOh no! Just when you thought it was safe to hang out at the Quick Stop…

Cabin Fever (hosted by the twisted souls Brian Fitzpatrick and Aaron Poole) is the result of having too much time on your hands and access to your local community radio station.

Over the course of an hour, they manage to trawl the depths of good taste, plus throw some music in. How much more could you want from a podcast?… Quality? Oh… we didn’t think of that.

Enjoy! And we hope our cross Atlantic friends can understand the Irish accent 😉

Hugs and Kisses,
Aaron P. + Rev. Fitzy

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CABIN FEVER #29: Along Came A Spider – Brian has recovered from his dose of ebola and returns to help Aaron produce probably our geekiest episode yet. And that’s saying something. The Cabin boys discuss missing feet, life on Mars, the word “flabbergast”, and all things arachnid. To keep your toes tapping we have music from The Tender Box, MGMT, The Smiths, and Michael Buble… That’s right – The Buble opens this shizzle. Press Play… Now.

[CONTENT WARNING]: Explicit contents! We say every naughty word you can think of. You have been warned!

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #29 (MP3 format)

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Win THE DUKES OF HAZZARD TWO MOVIE COLLECTION on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:32 am

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We’re giving away, in conjunction with Warner Home Video, three (3) copies of THE DUKES OF HAZZARD: TWO MOVIE COLLECTION on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Thursday, July 10th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Thursday, July 10th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

July 3, 2008

Trailer Park: Brandon Barash

Filed under: Interviews,Trailer Park — admin @ 10:46 pm

By Christopher Stipp

The Archives, Right Here

I’m awesome. I wrote a book. It’s got little to do with movies. Download and read “Thank You, Goodnight” right HERE for free.

I used to watch Days of Our Lives in college.

I don’t know how it happened or why I didn’t question my masculinity when I did find myself wondering whether Billie and Bo would ever end up together, whether Stefano could be done away with completely and why Diedre Hall ignited my Cougar Complex in such a randy way.

The fact is, though, that soap operas fill a niche within television and some of these serials have been launching pads for many A-list stars. Enough derision has been tossed in the way of many a reality show but programs like Days or General Hospital are largely devoid of criticism in many critics’ circles.

The pleasure was all mine when I talked to Brandon Barash, actor on General Hospital, the longest running serial on ABC and which also celebrates its 45th year as it churns through 2008. The series also nabbed its record making 10th Daytime Emmy for best Best Drama and snagged a lead actor award for Anthony Geary. What’s more about Brandon, and why I agreed to do the interview, is that his is a story of what it’s like to be a literal working actor. The amount, the sheer volume of learning his lines, performing incessantly, keeping his character focused and consistent, being present for every aspect of what he needs to do, is the very thing those who aspire to be an actor should listen to and take to heart.

He comes across as someone just thankful to be working in an industry where there are more willing bodies than there are parts to give. I won’t steal any of Brandon’s thunder but this is a story that’s worth reading and appreciating from the standpoint that there is more to life in LA for an actor than just those who have only a few pages’ of lines to remember; that’s just a day’s work for him.

CHRISTOPHER STIPP: I’ve been going over your resume and you have a lot of episodes of General Hospital under your belt.

BRANDON BARASH: It’s been a busy couple months.

CS: How long does that represent?

BARASH: 80 some odd episodes.

I think 80 some odd episodes was up to a week or so ago and it’s funny you mentioned that because the other day I realized that it’s got to be close to 100 episodes which is just wacky. In the last 6 months, I’ve taped 100 episodes of this TV show.

CS: One of the reasons I wanted to do this was that I really wanted to get a good feel for the pace you work under”“ it just has to be maddening.

BARASH: Oh yeah. It’s very intense. Actually, before I called you I was sitting here running my script for tomorrow which is some I think 10 scenes and some 20 pages of solid dialogue and that starts tomorrow. I’m lucky enough to have the day off today but yesterday and the day before that and the day before that it’s the same everyday. You do anywhere from 2 to 10 scenes a day which is 4 ““ 20 some odd pages and you have to do your homework the night before and show up game day ready to play.

CS: How is that for you as an actor? Day one, when you were given the script, did you have any idea that it would be as intense a schedule that you could get used to?

BARASH: Well, I met with the writers before hand and thankfully, they warned me. They said we are going to start you out slowly but then we’re just going to run you into the ground. So I told them to bring it and they definitely brought it and it’s good. I’ve used the term so many times but it’s really actor’s boot camp. You get paid to do it and that’s the best thing. I get up everyday, I get to go play, I get to hone my craft and if I have an off day one day I can show up the next day and do a better job.

CS: It’s got to be liberating from a craft standpoint to, like you said, be able to refine or do other things, because there is always tomorrow.

BARASH: Actually, it’s so liberating ““ takes the pressure off of everything. Every good athlete has a bad game. Babe Ruth didn’t hit a home run every game, Kobe Bryant doesn’t lead by 30 points and win every game ““ it’s a bout showing up, trusting yourself and if you have a bad day, you get to do it again the next. It’s not so much you have a bad day, but you have another crack at it.

CS: For schedule sake, what’s the average day to shoot an hour long episode, what kind of production schedule are you looking at?

BARASH: Production schedule for the entire day can go anywhere from 10 to 14 sometimes 16 ““ 18 hour days.

CS: Wow.

BARASH: It’s a really rigorous schedule and we go at a grueling pace but I feel really lucky to be on the acting side of it because we have our makeup artists, our lighting grips and everybody–they are there the whole day, they don’t get to leave. We get to just show up, do our thing and go home but the flip side of that is we go home and spend several hours working on our stuff for the next day. So it’s pretty grueling.

CS: Talk to me about the actual soap ““ General Hospital has been a staple in American culture. I was in college, hooked on Days of Our Lives for reasons unknown, I don’t know why, but once you get into one of these things you can’t help but keep returning and returning again. Sometimes the plot lines are absurd, but what initially drew you to the idea of getting yourself hooked up or connected with a soap opera?

BARASH: I never thought I would be and, of course, there are all these untrue stigmas that go along with soap operas and soap acting, but what drew me to this one in particular…I have auditioned a couple times beforehand…but what drew me to this was my manager called me one day and told me, “We have the most perfect part for you. This young, brooding, intense but good underneath kind of guy.” And, “Are you interested?” I said, “Absolutely!” So I went in and met with them and literally not even an hour after I left the office I found out I got it and I couldn’t have been happier. I always felt that playing a part like this that has so many layers and so much going on ““ the surface of this guy, Johnny is really the tip of the iceberg. It’s really an honor to play him.

CS: And explain your character a little bit and how you fit into the grand plot line.

BARASH: Well, you have Johnny, who is the lead character of the show. He’s the Port Charles Mob Boss and I’m the son of the Manhattan Mob Boss but I’m kind of like the interim Mob Boss at the same time because my father is in the hospital injured and incapacitated. So that’s how I fit in. And of course I (Johnny) have a history with Luke and Laura’s daughter, Lulu. We have an off and on relationship since I’ve been on the show.

CS: You talked about that soap stigma ““ I’m curious what void to soap operas fill in the grand landscape of television because they’ve been around for decades. What draws people ““ from what you’ve heard and now you are hip-deep in it, why are people so hungry for these things?

BARASH: Well it’s definitely interesting. Our show has been around for 45 years so they definitely got quite a following and I honestly don’t know what the big draw is. I wish I could tap into the psyche of our two and a half million fans or how many we have, what draws them in everyday but I think the biggest thing is when people connect with a show or a character they see a trace of themselves or they see who they want to be or who they’ve always fantasized about being with and I think that’s a lot of the big draw is we have a lot of great people on our show who are extremely talented and they bring to life these characters that ““ it’s definitely intriguing to fans to be a fly on the wall everyday.

CS: And being a part of this, does it ever prohibit you from your other work like film?

BARASH: Yes, there are some contractual restrictions but I am allowed to do movies, which is great and I am allowed to do ABC TV shows but I’m not allowed to take off too long to do those but they do allow me one a year. I can do a movie once a year.

CS: Has your film work been limited just to TEN INCH HERO?

(Laughs)

BARASH: No. I did that…that was a tiny, tiny part ““ I did that and I did a film formerly called INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY which is now known as DARK MIND staring Chris Masterson and Lyndsy Fonseca ““ I actually played her boyfriend and I also did a pretty terrible film called CRASH LANDING.

CS: What made it so terrible?

BARASH: I’m not afraid to say this because he was just a monster ““ the director was incredibly abusive to the crew and the cast and I’m not one to make waves but I’m not afraid to say it from the moment we all showed up on set he was yelling every obscenity in the book and he was just abusive and it was an awful experience.

CS: What happens with that? How do you deal with that? You get a job and at the end of the day the people I’ve talked to, actors what have you, they say it’s fun work but it’s a job. How do you deal with someone that you literally have to put on a good face for someone who is trying to whip you?

BARASH: At the end of the day, like you said, it is a job and you have to be able to separate yourself from it. Millions of people go to work everyday and have bosses they can’t stand and they just have to put their pride aside and focus on just doing the job and as long as you can do that, you are in good hands.

CS: And the directors on General Hospital, how does, in your opinion, the actual technical stuff of directing, people say blocking and what have you, is it done by just a core group of people, directors on set?

BARASH: We basically have about 4-5 directors that rotate. They are the anthisis of the person I just described to work with. They come to work with great ideas, they arrive on time, prepared and at the same time they are not stubborn and set in their ways and they definitely take suggestions from the actors. We’ll talk before a scene, what do you see for this scene? Do you have any input? It’s really nice because their job is to direct us and tell us what to do and where to go but at the same time we are allowed to give input. It’s really nice. It’s a group effort.

CS: You said before that if you have input you give input, but do you have these things down to a science or is there a lot of room to really play with the format?

BARASH: Well, I think it’s a little bit of both. It’s definitely down to a science and if there wasn’t a format then there would just be mayhem everyday. But, at the same time you have to have the perfect marriage of the science and then also mixing it up. You have to mix it up or else the fans are going to lose interest. And, as an actor if I’m not going to work every day and creating life behind this character it gets stale, it gets boring and it shows on the screen.

CS: How do you do that from week to week – trying to make the character your own? Do the writers share with you? Usually when you go in to make a movie, you have a beginning, a middle and an end. But with a soap opera”¦.

BARASH: Absolutely. We don’t know that but the writers do a great job in writing the characters but at the end of the day I think it’s up the actor to lift those words off the page and lift the character off the page and lift the character into a real living being and I think its up to us as actors to really read the text and not just the lines. To be able to read what’s going on behind the lines can bring these characters to life. The analogy I like to use is the words…it’s just the tip of the iceberg. You see this little piece of ice floating on top of the water but what you don’t see is this mass underneath the water that’s holding up the whole thing. And that’s kind of like the character. What we say and what we say as people in everyday life is just the tip of the iceberg when in fact there’s a lot of stuff going on underneath.

CS: Do you ever get anything back from the writers and say now this is getting a little obnoxious? Some of these plot lines can get a little insane.

BARASH: I can’t. I’ve been lucky enough and am very happy with my story line. I’m not doing anything too absurd. I’m not possessed by the devil yet.

(Laughs)

I’ve seen on some other soaps that things can get a bit absurd but I think the big part of what draws the fans in is the silly circumstances these characters find themselves in. Like I said I’ve been very lucky in that the story line has been a lot of fun to bring to life.

CS: And the brand ““ the General Hospital brand has been around for a long, long time.

BARASH: It has. I just got back today ““ we celebrated our 45th anniversary or birthday, whatever you want to call it, on set and because we are filming that episode today. Like you said, General Hospital has been a staple in American culture this last half century which is just crazy to imagine that I’ve been a part of it. It’s awesome.

CS: I’ve noticed a lot of “A” list actors who got their start from soap operas. Is it like what you alluded to earlier that this is an actor’s boot camp, that it really does something to an actors or actress to take this seriously.

BARASH: Absolutely. It’s definitely that. You show up to work one day and you have 20 pages you have to eek out. You’ve got to give it your all. Pour your heart and soul into it. Then you have to go home and learn 25 pages for the next day and it’s very easy for us to fall into habits and just get by. But it’s another thing to really be hungry and make those strong choices and make your character stand out and really read between the lines and find that life underneath the water that I was talking about earlier. And I think that if you have that hunger to become a better artist and to constantly be honing your craft then absolutely – that’s what makes great actors because they teach you to work under the gun, make your choices and commit.

CS: How picky can you be with other roles that you find ““ has this opened some doors for you? Are people asking for you to come read a script or try out for their film based on what you’ve done on HOSPITAL?

BARASH: Absolutely. It’s opened all sorts of doors and I can be very picky with what I do now. I have to be incredibly selective because I can only do one movie a year so I’m going to be sure that that movie is going to serve me in my career in the best way possible. It’s a nice position to be in to turn things down.

CS: Of course.

BARASH: We should all be so lucky.

(Laughs)

CS: Looking back ““ taking stock of today and where you want to go tomorrow what is it that you hopes your next steps are beyond what you are doing today?

BARASH: Looking back before today, before I finished college I made myself a 30 year goal. That 30 year goal (I guess I will be 52) but my 30 year goal is to be able to write, direct star in my own films and I’d love to score some of those films and then if I want go onto Broadway and do a play for a few months. That’s the kind of career I want to have and live without regret and I know that if I keep working hard and take a step in that direction every day, I will achieve that.

I’m envisioning that that’s what I want to do with my life, that’s what I want to be and at the same time not getting overwhelmed with that big goal and breaking it down into basically little sections and not looking at the big picture. Basically, today is a new day what do I need to do today to get to my goal. That’s what it is about for me.

Ken P. D. Snyde-Cast #50: The Big One

Filed under: Ken P.D. Snydecast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 7:12 pm

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Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and FRED’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.

Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.

Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.

VISIT THE SNYDECAST EXPERIENCE

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KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #50: The Big One – Ken & Dana celebrate their golden anniversary with more of the same – the same greatness! That’s right, it’s party time in Casa de Snydecast, and we’ve brought the balloons, the party favors, and a not a whole lot of bitterness and resentment. Well, maybe just a little.
[CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #50 (MP3 format)

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Party Favors: The Summer Of Danny McBride

Filed under: Columns — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:23 am

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partyfavors2008-07-03.jpgATLANTIC BEACH – Welcome to the summer of Danny McBride!

He’s already tearing up the indie cinema in The Foot Fist Way. Come the heated month of August McBride will be a hype monster that rivals the size of the Hulk with superstar making roles in Seth Rogen’s The Pineapple Express and Ben Stiller’s Tropic Thunder. Plus he’s already doing the early promotions for next summer’s Will Ferrell epic Land of the Lost.

The clock on Danny’s 2008 conquest kicked off in the spring with his part as Owen Wilson’s homeless buddy in Drillbit Taylor. In case you don’t want to watch the whole movie when it comes out on DVD this July 1, here’s Danny’s highlights:

Come August, people will ask: Where did this Danny McBride come from? There will be numerous answers, but my favorite: me.

I produced a movie at North Carolina School of the Arts’ School of Filmmaking that starred Danny. As far as I’m concerned, it was his first big break in the world of showbiz. “In the Sauce” was classic tale of a young man who needs fatherly advice to score with the ladies. The secret can be found in the family’s spaghetti sauce recipe. Showing his diversity, Danny played the father. The director described the character as “a stereotypical Italian father.” Danny played it to the hilt. I believed Danny’s late wife was played by a photo of Dom DeLuise in drag from Haunted Honeymoon. Danny gave that heartbroken look at Dom’s mug. Dom and I had worked together on Candid Camera. Now Danny will be this summer’s Dom to Seth Rogen’s Burt.

It seemed like hours that Danny remained it that character. He stirred a giant pot of spaghetti sauce under the hot lamps. He was so humble back then. At no point did he brag that he’d be making a $100 million plus big screen version of Land of the Lost. Shivers go down my spine while remembering him rubbing the thick red sauce on his checks for the martini. Everybody cracked up on the set once “cut” was called. During the screening, it was easy to testify that Danny was bound for greater roles than a guy in a hat covered in sauce.

I haven’t been able to locate a copy of “In the Sauce.” Rumor has it that a few years back the Dean “requisitioned” all the student project videotapes to record the Charles In Charge marathon on PAX. By September, perhaps a bootleg of it will appear on Youtube. Although for now you must settle for the red band trailer of The Foot Fist Way.

It is strange that Danny has taken off as an actor since he wrote and directed the film that was a sensation at the film school’s LA screenings. It was about a pack of teenage superheroes. Before the lights had come up, agents were passing cards to Danny. He spent the next few days bouncing around at all the major agencies getting the Entourage pitch. My major memory of his glorious hour was when we discovered the 16mm print received a thick green scratch down the middle of all the frames. The film school dean blamed me for an agency flunky’s projection screw up. Thus my last memories of Danny involve restraining myself from slapping the dork that brought you Meet the Deedles.

As I watched Danny on the MTV movie awards talking crap with Will Ferrell, I understood what Roger Corman feels when he sees Jack sitting courtside at Laker games. A strange sense of pride that you boosted that man to the stars; along with the sad knowledge that he’s priced himself out of your cinematic budgets. There will be no Danny McBride’s Killer Sloth.

BEFORE SHE SWUNG

The hottest new TV series this summer also has a Corey connection. Long before Kate Norby was razorblading lines on CBS’s Swingtown, she got cut out of another film I produced.

Norby currently plays Gail Saxton, the coke fueled semi-divorcee neighbor. She’s the one with the daughter that ran away. But she doesn’t care what the kid’s doing as she lines up her next line. She was also in the first season of Mad Men. Here’s a clip of her trying to bring a little girl-girl action to the world of Leave It to Beaver:

Norby was at the North Carolina School of the Arts at the same time as me. I remember “discovering” her on the set of a project shooting in 16mm. The camera remained on her face while the crew was tweaking a light. Her face filled the video monitor. I was mesmerized by her relaxed look. The key to a good actor is how they appeal to the eye when they aren’t playing with the ball. She had that talent. At that moment, I wanted to be her manager. But that was not to be.

We did the next best thing and cast her in an independent feature that I was producing in Wilmington, NC. Her role was extremely small. She was the ex-girlfriend of a guy sent down to the coast to work on his grandfather’s fishing boat. The old man was supposed to set him straight. Her role consisted of being on a videotape watched by the boy. Her video footage was shot at a fake picnic on the top of Pilot Mountain. Fans of The Andy Griffith Show might recognize that name as Mount Pilot. Kate teased the camera like a true professional. She looked sweet high above sea level.

Things however went weird during the 35mm production when the director decided we needed to juice up the scene. He had our hero masturbating on the sofa while watching Norby on the TV.

Production was halted due to circumstances that my lawyer has advised me not to expose since the statue of limitations is active on a couple event. We took the footage and made a short film so we’d have something to shop to festivals. Norby discovered the clip of the hero spanking to her image. She was not at the raw nature of the scene. But I promised her that the footage would not make it into the final short film. Thus when the “Outer Banks” short played several film festivals, she was not in the credits. This probably helped her career since she has yet to be referred to as the “girl in the spanking scene.”

Although that didn’t prevent her from being known as “the girl in the shower scene” from Rob Zombie’s Devil’s Rejects. Norby rocked the merkin in that film when she wasn’t being terrorized by Sid Haig. As a demonstration of how weird the world connects: Rob Zombie’s former girlfriend (Sean Yseult) in White Zombie’s father was the head of the English Department at NC State that surrendered my first degree. You want to know the first secret of success: Get to know me.

It is nice to see Kate Norby back on my video monitor even if she is strung out while competing for mother of the year.

BLAND OUT

Shame on ABC for Wipeout. What’s the point of ripping off Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (or for my Japanese readers: Takeshi’s Castle) if you’re going to bland it up? The various challenges as shown in the previews are grey vinyl in the middle of a mud pit. Gimme some f’n color! Half the fun of MXC on Spike is the outrageous costumes on the contestants and the color props that knock the crap out of them. The blah equipment looks like it was stolen from an elementary school’s gym storage room.

Why is American TV afraid of hues? Enough of the earth tones. Liberace once said, “If you’re going to be a spectacle, wear something spectacular.” Network executives need to take note. Enough of the dark suits and mall clothes. What’s the point of colorful HDTV if everyone looks like a funeral home director? Did Six Feet Under establish the wardrobe rules for the 21st century?

DVD Shelf

Even with the new season of Weeds and Swingtown, I need to supplement my viewing pleasure with shiny discs. What’s new? Let’s look.

Californication: The First Season helped establish Showtime as the location for adult sitcoms. David Duchovny returns to his Red Shoes roots by bringing nudity back to the pay channel. This time he’s a stud writer in Los Angeles that is screwing any woman that mistakes him for the guy from The X-Files. He’s still getting over his divorce from Natascha McElhone. One of his conquests turns out to be his ex-wife’s boyfriend’s daughter. For those who pondered what the daughter from The Nanny (Madeline Zima) would be like as the ultimate jailbait: Merry Christmas. This is one of my favorite shows in production.

Futurama: Beast with a Billion Backs is the second feature length movie starring the delivery men of the future. A crack in the universe has allowed a strange creature voiced by David Cross to conquer the earth. There’s great moments when everyone thinks they’re taking escalators to heaven. Does Warren Beatty get a royalty for using his iconic assumption technique? This series deserved to be revived.

Early Edition: The First Season has Kyle Chandler get tomorrow’s newspaper a day early. It’s his job to fix things. Fisher Stevens (currently appearing in Lost flashbacks) is his buddy on these time preventing adventures. They have to stop airplanes from crashing, basketball players from dying and dognappings. It’s kind of like a constant “City on the Edge of Forever” life for them. Of course this show wouldn’t work in the 21st century since we all read the newspaper online. Early Edition lasted four seasons which is a headline to me.

Dynasty: The Third Season, Volume 1 takes us back to that time when hair and shoulder pad were stacked high. The rich Carrington family rule Denver in these dozen episodes. The focus seems to be on Joan Collins remarrying and a kid proving he’s really Blake’s son. It’s trashy good fun for those who want more conflict from Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.

Sabrina the Teenage Witch: The Fourth Season should be called Nick Bakay Talks Like a Pussy. It’s fun to watch the Shagmaster General from Night After Night with Allan Havey voice an animatronic cat. This is not the animated version. You really get Melissa Joan Hart casting spells around the house. The big moment this season is when she goes to the prom. Fernwood Tonight fans get to see Martin Mull continue as the principal that’s dating Beth Broderick. Think he’s ticked off at the money given the “Things White People Like” since he paved the way with The History of White People In America?

Jericho: The Second Season proves that not every series that fans fight to revive will thrive in their second life like Family Guy. The fans fought so hard and when the new season started, the ratings were worse. Here are the final 7 episodes about what happens when America gets nailed with a nuclear attack. Skeet Ulrich has to maintain his community of Jericho as they discover others have plans on them. Who can you trust? They also released Jericho: The Complete Series for those who want to watch it all. It is a shame the show got axed, but it speaks about the diminishing audience for network entertainment.

Meerkat Manor: Season Three continues to remind us that the kids from The Hills are not nearly as interesting to watch as a pack of animals in Africa. The Whiskers are certainly more entertaining that the Hogans, Simmons and Osbournes. This season opens with Flower guiding the Whiskers tribe to better hunting grounds. But they run into trouble with their rival Zappa tribe. How cool is it that they named a tribe after Frank’s family? It also demonstrates Mean Girls is real as the females fight to rule their families. This is the only family-based reality show that a family should watch.

Meerkat Manor: The Story Begins is a prequel to the Animal Planet series. We get to follow Flower’s rise to power. She’s a regular Rose Kennedy amongst her Kalahari clan. There’s plenty of lessons we can take from her since there’s little difference between their organization and our community. Whoopi Goldberg fills in for regular narrator Sean Astin.

The Streets of San Francisco: The Second Season, Volume 1 reminds us of the power of Michael Douglas’ hair. He’s the young cop to Karl Malden’s old school vet as they patrol the city of Rice-A-Roni. The nice part is they shot around San Francisco instead of L.A. backlots. You get a real sense of the city as they chase down hoods and hustlers. Martin Sheen pops up in “Betrayed.” Vic Morrow gets ’em ill on “The Twenty-four Karat Plague” when uranium is part of the heist. It’s become on of my favorite ’70s cop shows.

Walker, Texas Ranger: The Fifth Season is an excuse to drink. Chuck Norris continues his style of kicking ass and letting his assistants take name. “Higher Power” has him buttkicking to protect the reincarnation of a Buddhist monk. “Patriot” has him overpowering white supremacists that hijack a minority TV station. Even spirits help Walker kick ass in “Ghost Rider.” The nice part is watching without commercial breaks that lessen the impact of Norris’ kicks. Why isn’t Chuck Norris being mentioned for Vice President?

Win IN BRUGES on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:02 am

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We’re giving away, in conjunction with Universal Home Video, ten (10) copies of IN BRUGES on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, July 9th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, July 9th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

July 2, 2008

Comics & Comics: Hellboy II and the Golden Review

Filed under: Comics and Comics — admin @ 11:45 pm

COMics & Comics 31208- lOGO

Howdy Inter-Webbers. I’m Matt Cohen, and I dig Hellboy.

Anyone who remotely knows me knows that. I wear my love for all things Hellboy proudly on my sleeve (of my homemade BPRD shirt, no less). Big Red is my single favorite fictional character of all time, and his comic book is my favorite work of fiction. From the moment I first laid eyes on Hellboy on a T-shirt in Dogma I was in geek love. And, funnily enough, at some point the heavens conspired and my favorite filmmaker in the world, Guillermo Del Toro (or GDT, as he shall henceforth be referred to) decided to adapt my favorite comic book to screen. Rarely do things work out that perfect. The first Hellboy movie was a lot of fun but it left me wishing it were more, wishing it was an unfettered GDT film rather then what seemed like a tightly controlled studio movie. I was left wanting more comic book content and the visual flair that GDT was known for. I was left wanting a sequel. Well, on Saturday night I had the privilege of a lifetime to attend the world premiere of Hellboy II: The Golden Army and I can happily and proudly tell you that it has been done. The perfect Hellboy film has been made, and at the same time, one of the best comic to film adaptations I have seen in my entire life. Hellboy II is, to say it lightly, awesome. It makes up for everything the first film lacked, and more. GDT has managed to merge his big studio action flicks with his small personal Spanish language films, and the result is a giant roller-coaster of a summer good time mixed with the nuances and sensibilities of a small art film. Ron Perlman returns as the only man on the planet who can possibly do HB justice. And once again, he gives the performance of a life time. To make a long story short, this is as fun a time in the movie theatre that I’ve had in my life.

This is one of my favorite films of this year (or any other), and I truly feel that anyone who ever has called themselves a “Movie Fan” should experience this film in theaters for themselves. With that in mind, I want to avoid spoilers entirely if possible. Yes, there will be some hints of the movie discussed in here, but more theme and overall reaction then specific moments. And, as always, to save you the time and eye strain of reading another novel of a review, I’ve broken my feelings down into points, like so…

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HERE TO PROTECT (PROS):

PLOT: While far from groundbreaking, the story of HB II works tremendously and GDT has honestly crafted a pretty timeless tale here, regardless of whether you’re a fan of the big red ape or not. If you have yet to watch it I would definitely recommend checking out the animated prologue released a week or so ago, and found here. What GDT (and Hellboy’s dad and Filmic co-scripter Mike Mignola) have cooked up is a tale that not only fits perfectly into the HB universe but also manages to quite skillfully echo some of our own modern “real world” concerns. GDT doesnt go as far as to make this an “eco-agenda” movie, but there is definitely a theme of “Man’s destruction of the planet” which makes the Elves and their leader, Nuada’s (Luke Goss) , motivations all the more genuine and sincere.

Imagine that humans aren’t the original inhabitants of this planet, but rather a passing fad. Now imagine the first citizens of the Earth, the ones relegated to shadows and living underground, forced out of their rightful homes by this interloper of a species (man). With that in mind, Nuada’s goals never seem evil for a moment, making him a much more complex and quite tragic baddie than the previous film offered in Rasputin, or most “Superhero” films offer in general. Nuada is not a bad guy. He is loyal to his people (to a fault). The viewer never once hates Nuada or the Elven forces, which makes Hellboy’s inevitable conflict (Monsters or Man ; Where does he belong?) all the more genuine seeming. Further then that, I found myself sort of agreeing with the “Baddies” by the end of the film rather then rooting against them. One gets the feeling, watching this film, that GDT sides with the monsters (and that he would make an amazing Frankenstein film) and at the end of the day, that is sort of what Hellboy II is all about. The monsters we can see versus the monsters inside of us.

There are some other more character based “spoilers” that I’d rather not go into, but let’s just say that the Elves aren’t the only conflict in Hellboy‘s life. He’s got a girlfriend now (Liz Sherman/Selma Blair) and we all know how that goes… Right? (just ruined my chances of ever dating a female reader, didn’t I?). Mix in a new Elven love interest for Abe Sapien and the introduction of the german ghost man Johann, and you’ve got yourself one of the better ensemble/team movies I can think of. GDT didn’t reinvent the wheel, he just made it spin a lot faster and better.

ACTING: Let’s break this down again, shall we?

Ron Perlman (Hellboy): The only man who could do this part justice. Physically menacing and yet somehow so damn vulnerable, innocent, and likable at the same time. Whatever the first movie’s failings were, Perlman was perfect in it; much as he is in this film. I can’t imagine anyone else playing Hellboy, and the fact that Perlman is nearing 60 just makes the performance that more astounding and one for the ages. One of the greatest film characters ever realized, due in a huge part to this man. Ron Perlman is Hellboy, and I would pay to watch him do his laundry as this character, let alone beat the crap out of monsters. One of the most inspired and brilliant casting decisions of all time. I bow down…

Hellboy and Big Baby

“Who said they don’t like Comics & Comics?”

Selma Blair (Liz Sherman): Leagues better then she was in the first film, it seems that Selma Blair has finally found her voice in this crazy universe, and shines in the sequel (and smolders… I know. I’m hilarious). Sporting a new haircut but that same old Liz attitude, Selma turns in a really good performance, having to handle some chunks of dialogue that in the hands of a lesser actor may have come of cheesy and stilted. She is a great compliment to Perlman’s Hellboy and I look forward to seeing the happy couple together again in the third HB film.

Doug Jones (Abe Sapien): A minor buzz was created when it was announced that Doug Jones, that man responsible for the physical performance of Abe Sapien in Hellboy (And the SIlver Surfer, The Fawn in Pans Labyrinth, etc) would also be assuming the voice role of Abe in HB II, replacing David Hyde Pierce from the first film. And as a testament to Doug, the change over is barely noticeable if noticeable if all. In all honesty, I prefer Jone’s performance to that of Pierce. Jones brings a sense of calm and innocence that Pierce missed out on entirely. Doug Jones is one of my favorite actors in the world, and to finally hear him speak in a role made my day. In many ways this is Abe’s movie, and that is due in a large part to the wonderful performance of Doug Jones.

Luke Goss (Prince Nuada): Goss does a very capable job here, building on his first real feature role in Blade II. Nuada is not campy or stereotypically evil for one frame of film, and Goss goes out of his way to portray that. Many “unpolished” actors may have taken this role into the realm of overacting, but Goss maintains a sublety and grace that really befits the noble but disgraced character he plays. A good job by a young actor who I look forward to seeing in more films. Oh, and the dude is AWESOME at action scenes. Nuada gets some of the more impressive physical feats that I’ve seen in a long time on film.

Nuada

“Is there something on my hand? You guys…? You guys…?”

Jeffrey Tambor (Tom Manning): I love The Larry Sanders Show, I love Arrested Development, and I love the comedic stylings of Mr. Jeffrey Tambor. Where extremely funny people can get relegated to cheesy laughs and one liners in some action films, Tambor is allowed to introduce his own hilarious sense of humor into the character, and it works. Really well. Like, much better than the character ever was in the comic book medium. The comic relief in a film that needs relief from nothing, so he’s pretty much just icing on the cake. Hey now!

ACTION: Anyone who’s seen the massively underrated Blade II knows that GDT can shoot action. Blade II‘s fight scenes blew me away those many years ago, and I am happy to say that a few years of “Art” films haven’t spoiled GDT’S eye for all things awesome. THE ACTION IS FANTASTIC! From the hordes of “Tooth Fairies” that can be seen attacking in the now online trailer, to the more traditional Hellboy “Smash’em up” monster fights, to graceful and almost dance like sword fighting, Hellboy II has some of the most exciting and visually compelling action sequences I have seen in film. Period. GDT manages to channel everyone from John Woo to Woo Ping to the classic Universal Monster movies to John Carpenter, and more. This movie is an action buff’s wet dream. Stunningly gorgeous visuals mixed with envigorating and gravity defying action that not for one moment seems “CGI’d” out like some other big summer films. (I saw the trailer for the new Mummy film today. Yeah. It’s like that). Whether HB is knocking a fool with his fist or plugging away with his hilariously badass arsenal, this film doesn’t let down for a second (unless it calls for it). It’s rare that one man can make films that are both heartfelt and deep, and yet gigantic balls to the wall action at the same time, and Hellboy II further cements GDT as one of the best filmmakers in the world (and my personal favorite).

CREATURES: Before the film ran, GDT addressed the audience, and to paraphrase (sloppily at that) “People are right when they say that I make two different types of film in an alternating sequence – One small, Spanish language film and then one big budget studio action flick. Hellboy II is the first film that belongs in both of those worlds. The creatures and characters in this movie belong in the same universe as the little girl and fawn in Pan’s Labyrinth, and the babies in The Devils Backbone“. The man couldn’t have been more correct. Not only are the creatures in this new movie just as odd and wonderful as the ones in GDT’S previous work, to call them some of the best onscreen creatures of all time would not be overstating it. Simply put, GDT knows monsters, and the monsters in Hellboy II are the craziest, most imaginative, most visually stunning characters I have seen on screen since my childhood. I am immediately reminded of three films, A New Hope, Ghostbusters and Gremlins 2; my three childhood favorites. I think of the characters and practical makeup effects in those films and I weigh them against HB II, I am extremely hard pressed to declare a “winner”. Yes, I just compared Hellboy II to Star Wars, Ghostbusters and Gremlins. If I was a child when HB II came out, it may have been my favorite movie in the world. If you read any reviews before the film gets released, I can almost promise you the critic will make mention of the “Troll Market” scene, possibly comparing it to the Mos Eisley Cantina scene in the O.G Star Wars – and not only will they not be wrong, they will be closer to the mark then many of us will realize. Give this film some time to settle, and I definitely think it will deserve its place among the best “Monster” films of all time. Amazing work by the man, Rick Baker, their digital effects team, and anyone else who helped bring this world I love so much to life to life.

.Tecate

COMEDY: The first film had some laughs, but the sequel is downright hilarious. GDT has managed to make Hellboy and his universe funnier and warmer then Mignola ever did (though this movie does reek of Mike, in a good way). Johann in particular gets a lot of the really big chuckles, but the entire film is very funny. I couldn’t help smiling throughout, and that is due in a large part to this whimsical and light-but-dark tone that GDT has perfected in HB II. Perlman is no slouch in the laughs department, either, and Red is yet again one of the funnier more deadpan characters to grace movie screens this year. Unlike the first movie, however, the laughs are not kept to HB and Manning. Liz, Abe and particularly the new recruit, Johann, all have their moments to shine. SEMI SPOILER ALERT: There is a scene in this movie, so hilarious, so amazing, so perfect that I haven’t seen one review fully reveal it yet. And, I am not going to be that guy. Suffice it to say, A floor, lots of beer, Hellboy, Abe, and Barry Manilow. You should see the smile on my face right now…

SPECIAL AWARD: Seth McFarlane – Yes. I was wrong, yet again. I was one of the numerous people on the web who read the announcement that Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane would be voicing Johann, and I, like many others immediately, called shenanigans. I am embarrassed to admit that I doubted GDT for even one moment. I let my dislike of Family Guy cloud my faith in my favorite filmmaker. And boy oh boy, am I glad GDT’s a lot smarter then me. SETH McFARLANE NAILS IT!!! He is incredible in this movie – hilarious, authentic, creepy and yet vulnerable at the same time. His performance as the B.P.R.D’s Teutonic ectoplasmic man is one of the best voice over jobs I have ever heard in my life, and made me appreciate the character more then I ever thought I would. He not only fits in the film universe, he compliments it amazingly well, gaining many of the biggest laughs and “badass” moments of the film. Johann is a welcome member to the cinema team, and one of my favorite comic to film translations to date. A tremendous performance that just earned Seth McFarlane a new fan. Truly Awesome.

Johann

“A government hired crime fighter or walking bong… You decide”

SENT TO DESTROY (CONS):

Young Hellboy’s makeup: Not great. Not even good. But not horrible. You can see what GDT and Baker were going for here, and though it is a noble attempt, the look just doesn’t work well. The skin is way too red and the hair just looks goofy…

Not one other flaw I can think of: Yeah, kids… It’s like that!

So, basically, see this movie, folks. Many many times. You won’t regret it. I’m gonna go as far as to say this is one of my all time favorite films. I really hope the world loves it as much as I do.

Anyhoo friends, check back next week for more fun in the proverbial sun. You won’t regret that, either. I’ll be here, you’ll be here. It’ll be nice. And, as always…

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

Matt Cohen is currently typing with the right hand of doom.

Masters Of Song Fu #1: Round 2 Challenge Voting Begins!

Filed under: Masters Of Song Fu — Tags: , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:22 am

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We here at Quick Stop Entertainment are true lovers of music, in all its forms. We’re also quite keen on the spirit of competition, and of spurring creativity through said competition.

To that end, we’ve launched a brand new form of creative combat here at the Stop.

In this age of manufactured and painfully earnest talent contests, we’ve decided to instead shine a light on the quirky, quixotic underworld of musicians that don’t get nearly the attention they deserve.

Ah, but I did mention that there was a competition involved…

A few weeks back, we sent out the call for challengers. Hundreds of you heard the call and fought for a chance to be in the initial group. 20 were selected. Only 19 responded in time.

Like a songwriting version of Iron Chef, the challengers were presented with a very specific songwriting challenge. They were given one week to complete their songs – however they saw fit, within the parameters set forth below…

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ROUND 1 CHALLENGE

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You must do a song in the style of a classic television show. Not only that, but this song is the theme for a fictional television show about yourself (or your band). By “classic television show” theme song, we mean the type of themes found in shows from the 1960’s – 1980’s (ie Gilligan’s Island, Cheers, The Fall Guy, Diff’rent Strokes, Welcome Back Kotter, Greatest American Hero, Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, The Facts Of Life, Green Acres, Gimme A Break, The Monkees, etc.). Your theme song must include both lyrics and music. It must run no shorter than 30 seconds, and no longer than one (1) minute.

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When all was said and done, only 16 of the 19 Challengers were able to send in the songs in time. You voted HERE. The TOP 7 vote getters then moved on to Round 2. Here’s the challenge given to our 7 Semi-Finalists…

ROUND 2 CHALLENGE

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Here’s where we step things up a notch. Your challenge is to write a song that utilizes a repeating syllable (ex: la, na, doo, etc.). The syllable must repeat at least 5 times in a row (ex: la la la la la). The resulting “repeated syllable” phrase can appear anywhere in your song, but must be repeated in full at least 3 times within the song. Also, this challenge includes a thematic element. Your song must feature a conflict between two (2) elements, provided below. You must choose one (1) element from COLUMN A and one (1) element from COLUMN B.

COLUMN A
—————

Santa Claus

Miami Dolphins

Stephen Hawking

A Beach Towel

High School Physics

Albania

The Color Orange

A Toothpick Factory

Marc Singer

Hydroponics

———————————————————————–

COLUMN B
—————

Dracula

Linux

Pudding

Coupons

Scabies

Cosplayers

Your Kindergarten Teacher (must be named)

Albert Camus

Non-Alcoholic Lager

Doc Hammer

Your song must be at least 1m45s in length. Finally, your song must be an ORIGINAL CREATION, both music and lyrics, and can not utilize or sample a preexisting work.

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You also voted on the contributions of our three Masters, eliminating one. Two Masters remained, and they were presented a special challenge of their own. Their entries will also be voted on by you, the readers. The winner of the Masters Challenge will be the one who duels with the winning Challenger.

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ROUND 2 MASTERS CHALLENGE

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The following challenge applies to our Masters of Song Fu only. As Masters, it is expected that they have achieved a musical voice all their own – but does their mastery extend to assuming the voice of another artist? With that in mind, Each Master is tasked with writing a song in the style of their opponent. The Masters will be judged on how accurately they write a song in their opponent’s style without it becoming a simple parody. When listening to their entries, you must genuinely believe that they were written by the original Master. Got that? The Master’s songs must also be no shorter than 1m45s.

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As we mentioned, the winner of the Round 2 Challenge will move on to a head-to-head battle with one of our Masters Of Song Fu, whose fate will also be determined by you.

But right now, let’s check out the Round 2 songs from each of our Masters and the 6 challengers that made the deadline. At the bottom of the page, you’ll then be able to place your votes, and decide who brings their Fu to the head-to-head battle…

MASTERS OF SONG FU

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JONATHAN COULTON

songfu-01.jpgJonathan Coulton on Jonathan Coulton: “In 2005 I left my day job writing software to pursue music full time. To keep myself busy I released a new song on this website every week for a year in a project called Thing a Week. A few of those songs became big internet hits (my folky cover of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”, a funny video called “Flickr”, a song called “Code Monkey”), and I am now fortunate enough to make my living as a musician.

I write about a lot of geeky stuff because I am a geek. Some of it’s funny, but a lot of it’s not so funny, and even more of it is somewhere in between. I’ve been compared to They Might Be Giants, Barenaked Ladies, Loudon Wainwright III, and other musicians you REALLY LOVE.

I give lots of music away because I believe it helps my cause, and I love it when people use my music to create other stuff – music videos, pictures, remixes, etc. At the moment I’m unsigned, and I’m proud to say I’ve created this whole thing mostly on my own (with plenty of help from an amazingly supportive bunch of fans). But it certainly is getting busy… I will probably sell out and go Hollywood any day now…”

Official Website: www.jonathancoulton.com

ROUND 2 SONG: “Big Dick Farts A Polka (in the style of Paul & Storm)”
ROUND 1 SONG: “Monkey Shines“

PAUL & STORM

songfu-02.jpg Paul and Storm are a comedy music duo, and they have been performing as a duo since 2004. Before that, they were one half of a cappella band Da Vinci’s Notebook for about 12 years. A Paul and Storm show is part music concert and part standup/improv comedy”“just enough of both to fit neatly in neither category. They like to engage the audience, and are known to award snack cakes and/or other prizes for good (and sometimes bad) behavior. Their show would be PERFECT as a cable special, and would make lots of money for whichever brave channel decides to air them first.

Official Website: www.paulandstorm.com

ROUND 2 SONG: “Live (in the style of Jonathan Coulton)”
ROUND 1 SONG: “Theme Song To Paul & Storm“

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THE CHALLENGERS

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PAUL FRUMPTON EXPERIENCE FEATURING LARRY

songfucomp-03.jpgBorn in the fall of 2006 in the center of the two-man acoustic comedy rock scene, Columbus, Ohio, the self proclaimed Turner and Hooch of Rock and Roll, The Paul Frumpton Experience Featuring Larry – known more colloquially as Jeff Stormer and Jeremy Hoover – are best described as what happens when comedy, music, caffeine, and improv collide in a chocolaty, peanut buttery explosion of good times. Stormer and Hoover met as students of Ohio State University and have been performing for scraps of food and hobo nickels ever since. Jeremy and Jeff’s major influences include Bacon, Booster Gold & Blue Beetle’s irreverent banter, David Bowie’s crotch in Labyrinth, and a deep-seated love of go karts. Finally, we feel obliged to mention all the things that are off limits to the comedy duo… This list includes NOTHING.

Official Website: myspace.com/thepaulfrumtonexperiencefeaturinglarry

ROUND 2 SONG: “Dracula’s Beach Towel”
ROUND 1 SONG: “The Paul Frumpton Experience (Feat. Larry) Comedy Hour Spectacular“

LEX FRIEDMAN

songfucomp-04.jpgLex Friedman’s musical influences include artists like They Might Be Giants, Moxy Fruvous, “Weird Al” Yankovic, CAKE, Barenaked Ladies, Tom Lehrer, Ben Folds, and Michael Jackson. Lex has left a smattering of bizarre music videos on YouTube, which have been slowly overtaken by videos of his 18-month-old daughter Anya. He occasionally shares new songs on his blog. He currently appears both weekly and weakly as the host of the “Week in Douchebaggery” on Cracked.com. Lex, his aforementioned daughter Anya, his lovely wife Lauren, and his diabetic maltese Charlie all live together in New Jersey, and sincerely hope that you don’t hold that against them. He gives one of them two injections if insulin each day – guess which! Lex also wrote this sentence. To avoid appearing like a suck-up, Lex has neglected to mention other musical influences of his who may or may not be the Iron Chefs of this Song Fu competition. Let’s just say he happens to also love the musical stylings of a guy whose name rhymes with Shmonathan Shmoulton.

Official Website: www.thefriedmans.net/blog

ROUND 2 SONG: “Orange vs Lager”
ROUND 1 SONG: “Hey, It’s Lex Friedman!“

CLOAKIE

songfucomp-09.jpgMy Fu is stronger than you! I am Coleman Bear Saunders, or Cloakie to most. At the age of 25 I work with music everyday at my studio that I recently built. I produce, engineer and compose various genres of music with ninja like precision. I have been picking away at the guitar since the age of 7 after watching my Dad play Johnny Cash tunes in the wrong key while singing the wrong lyrics, although I do the same thing because that’s the way I was learnt, ya hear me boy? I live in Kentucky and the music scene isn’t the greatest, so I turn to the internet to pipeline my Fu to the masses for free. I’m getting tired of music these days, I want some more songs about Dragons and fucking! Songs that take you on a journey and let you experience a different world, like movies do. My dream is to compose and score music for video games, TV, and my ultimate goal, the big screen. This is why the Song Fu competition was made for me. All the challenges that the competition presents to me will be similar to the expectations of future employers. Good luck to all, and may the best Fu win.

Official Website: myspace.com/colemansaunders

ROUND 2 SONG: “The Tale Of Hawking vs Dracula” (EXPLICIT Lyrics)
ROUND 1 SONG: “Cloakie The Nazi Killing Zombie“

ELAINE CHAO FINNELL

songfucomp-10.jpgElaine Chao Finnell is a singer/songwriter from the San Francisco Bay Area. In her checkered musical past, she has been a choral singer, a pit musician, an a cappella vocalist, a vocal percussionist, a hip hop beatboxer, contemporary Christian worship musician, and a musical librettist. After leaving the a cappella world in 2001, Elaine shifted into the world of hip hop theater, touring with spoken word artist Aya de León, then going solo and performing in such venues as the Yerba Buena Gardens in San Francisco and at the Apollo Theater in New York City. She began writing music at the tender age of 17, co-authoring her first musical with Brian Allan Hobbs. Since then, she has written two full length musicals and two plays. She currently plays regularly at her church as a lead vocalist and rhythm guitarist. While not in her musical pursuits, Elaine can be found in a cubicle at a major software company, at home with her engineer husband and their network of Macs, or studying martial arts at a local university.

Official Website: www.gotspit.com

ROUND 2 SONG: “The Dance”
ROUND 1 SONG: “Cubicle Gopher“

JEFF MacDOUGALL

songfucomp-16.jpgThe Deal: After 20+ years making music as a hobby, I recently wrote and recorded a song for my daughter. I got a little taste of mild success (hey, my mom liked it). So now I’m taking my music out of the closet, dusting it off, and seeing how it does in the sunshine. Who knew there was so much work in just attempting to do music for a living. I feel like I am opening a Subway franchise (Only opening a Subway franchise seems more fulfilling in a creative way).

Official Website: jeffmacdougall.com

ROUND 2 SONG: “A Brief History Of Pudding”
ROUND 1 SONG: “Jeff MacDougall Dot Com“

RUN AT THE DOG

songfucomp-19.jpgRun At The Dog are high energy, rock/pop, category-sluts with multi-gendered vocals and intricate arrangements. They are like Abba meets Faith No More meets Mos Def meets the Mormon Tabernacle Choir meets Steely Dan. The songs of this Minneapolis 5-piece are always written right away, with no respect for the calculating mind. Audience members are unsure whether to dance, laugh, or panic.

Official Website: myspace.com/runatthedog

ROUND 2 SONG: “Pudding Came To Town”
ROUND 1 SONG: “Run At The Dog TV Theme“

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ROUND 2 VOTING

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And now, it’s time for that all important voting, where you’ll decide who the Challenger who will get to move on to The Final Round. Please remember, you can only vote FOR ONE song – so choose very carefully. Also, be sure to vote for your favorite song from our reigning Masters of Song Fu – either Jonathan Coulton or Paul & Storm. You may only vote once, so make it count. VOTING CLOSES AT 11:59pm EST on WEDNESDAY, JULY 9th.

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ROUND 2 VOTING – THE CHALLENGERS

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ROUND 2 VOTING – THE MASTERS

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If you triumph, not only will you win remarkable (and potentially off-putting) bragging rights and a clutch of fantastic mystery prizes, you will also become the proud owner of the magnificent, one-of-a-kind MASTER OF SONG FU TROPHY, designed and handcrafted by [adult swim] superstar Dana Snyder. Yes. Dana Snyder.

Good luck, and bring on the Fu.

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July 1, 2008

Interview: John Waters

Filed under: Interviews — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:49 am

-by Ken Plume

Surely, you know who John Waters is.

If you don’t, let me mention just a few of the film he’s written and directed – Pink Flamingos, Cry Baby, Female Trouble, Polyester, and Hairspray.

As a certifiable pop culture icon, he’s guested on everything from The Simpsons to My Name Is Early.

He’s also the host of TruTV’s Till Death Do Us Part – where he acts as the macabre “Groom Reaper”, who presents true life tales of marital betrayal and murder. Think of him as the true crime Crypt Keeper, with similar sarcastic asides and morbidly acerbic commentary.

The first season of Till Death is now hitting DVD, and we got a chance to chat with John. In fact, here it is…

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KP: Well, let me say, it’s a pleasure to be speaking with you…

WATERS: Thank you.

KP: I guess the first question – which I’m sure you’ve been asked a few dozen times already – is what was it about doing Till Death that appealed to you?

WATERS: The biggest appeal was that I didn’t have to think it up. I didn’t have to direct it. I didn’t have to write it. I had to show up and look like I was half dead. (laughing)

KP: Would you say that that was the challenge?

WATERS: No, it wasn’t a challenge! Just I was always glad I never got Botox, because I wouldn’t have been cast.

KP: Do you regret that there was no challenge?

WATERS: (laughing) No, it’s fine. I always wanted to look like the Wicked Witch of the West, so it’s coming through. I actually thought it was funny. I thought the part was funny. It reminded me when I was young and I used to watch Boris Karloff on this show called Thriller. It reminded me of that. I think the idea of Court TV – which is no longer but Court TV – and John Waters together is a good marriage. I even tried to get them to help us when we made Serial Mom, but they had just started, so they thought that might be a little early to get hooked up with me. It took a while.

KP: They should have been forward thinking…

WATERS: Yeah. I always wanted to be a commentator on Court TV, since my real life was Court TV before, because I used to go to trials all the time. So I was Court TV, only just in my personal life.

KP: So, really, Court TV was the answer to a dream for you.

WATERS: Oh, it was – but then they even stopped really doing courtroom stuff because there aren’t enough famous trials that people will watch. Once OJ happened, there was never one that was that big. Even when they had the Phil Specter one, I don’t think a lot of people watched it, and I think that was when they changed to truTV – which is fine with me. I love truTV, too, but it’s… the days of watching courtrooms, I think, has peaked.

KP: Do you think that the sensational aspect of it is lost on audiences today?

WATERS: No, I just think there’s so much more media. And before, it was exciting when you… there was only 10 seats open to a trial. So Court TV made it much more ordinary to watch. To see a famous trial – if you could get in, as a person – was almost impossible, and when you did, you… it was like this amazing theater production, in a way. But Court TV made everybody a court hag. It made everybody want to watch courtrooms. So then once that happened, I mean, you can go down to any courthouse now and you’ll see people every day that hang around and just watch trials. They’re groupies. You’ll see them all the time. They just watch tickets, anything… You know, the lowest level court is always… it just was reality TV before there was such a thing. And on truTV, now, isn’t there a show about people getting traffic tickets?

KP: Yeah, I think there is some kind of traffic court…

WATERS: I love that! It’s like, yeah…

KP: Now you’re watching small claims…

WATERS: Yeah, exactly. Well, small claims court is kind of interesting if you go to see it. It’s always a battle. There are always two sides. There’s always a gray area, which is what all good drama is.

KP: Well, that essentially was what People’s Court was…

WATERS: Yeah, yeah….

KP: What was the first trial you ever saw, and what was the impetus to go down to the courthouse and see it?

WATERS: First trial I ever saw was probably the Manson trial, because it was obviously – at that point – an incredibly famous trial that was very much influencing the work I was doing at the time. The frightening hippies and that whole thing. That’s a very different thing, when I look back on it now, but it was one of the first trials that was a media sensation. And certainly Serial Mom, a movie I made, was about that. It sort of came true, Serial Mom. Serial Mom was at least not very far before the OJ trial did happen, and then it came true.

KP: Was it your years of viewing trials that made you think those events could conceivably could come to pass?

WATERS: Serial Mom, and even Female Trouble, came from that, because that was a fictitious biography of somebody that wanted to get the electric chair because – to them – it was like receiving the Oscar if you were a criminal. So I would say Female Trouble and Serial Mom are both my movies that came from my interest in true crime and attending trials. I don’t go to trials anymore. I can’t because they recognize me, and it’s a whole different ball game now.

KP: What was the last one you attended?

WATERS: Oh, it’s been a long time. The last famous one?

KP: No, just the last one in general…

WATERS: I think a friend of mine. That was different. (laughing)

KP: What was the last one that you weren’t personally connected to?

WATERS: That I wasn’t personally connected… I don’t know, let me think. It’s been quite a while, because now they recognize me. And the press thinks I’m there making a movie about it, which I’m not, and I always feel bad for the defendants that somehow they all get more time if I like them. If the jury hates my movies and sees me there… and then jury duty is, like, ludicrous because they know that I go to trials, and they never pick me. I’ve never been picked to be on a jury. Never been picked.

KP: What’s the closest you’ve come?

WATERS: Well, I don’t know, because they just don’t pick me…

KP: Well, did you ever get past at least one of the lawyers?

WATERS: Yeah, and then I tell them I taught in prison, and as soon as I say that…

KP: So, at this point, you’re pretty well known to the legal community…

WATERS: I am known in the legal community, yes. And I have helped people get out of jail, yes.

KP: Is there any trial that you regretted going to?

WATERS: No, but I wish I’d gone to Johnny Walker Lindh’s. The first lie the government told us about Iraq. He got 20 years. He didn’t do anything. He learned how to speak a foreign language and met a leader. I think his parents should reward him. Talk about well traveled!

KP: That’s the problem with America today; we’re not rewarding initiative…

WATERS: Yeah! I mean, it’s not easy to get through the desert and meet Bin Laden. This was before anybody knew who Bin Laden was. All he did was meet him once. I went to the Reagan White House once too.

KP: We’re still going to get you for that…

WATERS: I know! I went because Lee Atwater was my fan, and I went when no one was there but me, and he gave me the personal tour. It was like being over to someone’s house when they were babysitting. Which was so odd because I certainly didn’t believe in his pol… well, he didn’t have politics. He just worked for either side as dirty tricks. And he was a huge movie fan. So when I was there, all we talked about was exploitation films – and he knew everything about every one of them.

KP: What was his favorite?

WATERS: God, I don’t remember. Probably Herschell Gordon Lewis or The Worm Eaters. We talked about all that kind of stuff and he didn’t ever not know what I was talking about. He also loved rhythm & blues music, too. So it was odd – we never talked about politics. The only president that’s ever invited me… I have, like, cufflinks from the White House. So, oddly enough, the only administration that ever somehow I got in the White House was Reagan, which was probably fairly ludicrous.

KP: Did you get your jar of Jelly Bellies when you went?

WATERS: No, I didn’t get them, I just got the cufflinks. But I got to see the button next to the toilet where Nixon – where you could push it if you were having a heart attack or something.

KP: His panic button?

WATERS: There is one.

KP: Well, it’s good to know that there’s a quick response no matter where you are in the White House.

WATERS: Yeah. Next to the toilet there’s one.

KP: So, what would you say has been the oddest fan experience you’ve ever had?

WATERS: Well, I tell about this filthy woman that you’re never going to be able… well, the girl that came up to me and said would I sign anything, and took her Tampax right out and splatted it on the counter.

KP: Did you sign it?

WATERS: Yeah, I did. She bought the book. But people mostly give me great presents. They’re very nice.

KP: What’s been the present that’s impressed you the most?

WATERS: The best was one I talk about in my college lecture, about how Alvin the Chipmunk turns me on erotically, and someone that worked for Disney in the old days, that did the show, did a cell of Alvin jerking off and sent it to me.

KP: So, Simon and Theodore do nothing for you…

WATERS: No they’re in the back filming him. In the cell drawing. Talk about a good fan present.

KP: Where is that hanging proudly right now?

WATERS: In my guest bedroom in Baltimore.

KP: Is this the same guest bedroom that has the Gacy painting?

WATERS: Actually, now that I think about it, it’s in the bathroom. It’s right around the corner, yeah.

KP: So, really, the guest experience at the Waters house is one to remember…

WATERS: I don’t encourage guests to stay too long.

KP: What’s the longest you’ve ever had a guest stay in those environs?

WATERS: Oh, a week? They don’t stay long. I’m not looking for a roommate.

KP: So you have a set expiration date where they pretty much feel it’s time to move on…

WATERS: Yeah. My mother always told me when I was young, “After three days, guests and fish smell.”

KP: I noticed that, starting in the late 90s, it seemed like there was a massive increase in you stepping in front of the camera. Is there anything that happened in that period specifically, or it was just a momentum that built up?

WATERS: No, it’s just kinda… I don’t know. I became a cartoon character. I don’t know, maybe from The Simpsons. I don’t know how that happened. I always said yes as long as it was something that I liked doing. It was either a director I really liked – or I wanted to be in the Chucky movie, and Woody Allen asked me to be in his movie. Every once in a while, I know just my mustache gets me the part.

KP: Did you feel that – moving beyond just the movies having an influence – that you yourself would become a part of pop culture?

WATERS: Well, I’d be happy to. I guess that’s what I always wanted to be when I was a kid. I think, yeah… subtle. It has been astonishing, certainly, what has happened, but I was always kind of ambitious. I had a career as a puppeteer when I was 12 years old at children’s birthday parties. I sent out ads in the mail. I did like two or three shows a week sometimes, and I think – at the peak – I got $25 a show, which was really a lot in 1954. So I think anything’s possible. But I also have to always reinvent myself and try different things and not… if I was still making underground movies, if I was still trying to top Pink Flamingos I wouldn’t be here.

KP: Is there anything that you wouldn’t do at this point?

WATERS: Sure, lots of stuff. I wouldn’t try to repeat myself. I would try to surprise the next group of 20-year-olds, because that’s what it’s about, is getting the next generation of young people, and so far I’ve been able to do that.

KP: How would you describe the direction you’re moving in with Fruitcake?

WATERS: Well, it’s a parody of a children’s movie. I mean, last time I parodied a sexploitation movie, so I can’t think of the other opposite end – but think of the Little Rascals on LSD. It’s not about LSD, but you know what I mean. The characters are very John Waters-esque characters, but they’re all children.

KP: Sort of Willy Wonka-esque?

WATERS: Oh, I love Willy Wonka, but I wouldn’t put it quite that way. It takes place in Baltimore. They’re not that rich. (laughing)

KP: Is this a period piece or modern?

WATERS: No, it’s modern.

KP: And still looking at shooting in the fall?

WATERS: I hope so. Yes, November.

KP: Any plans for another book?

WATERS: I’m in the middle of writing it. It’s called Role Models. It’s a self-portrait told through people that have inspired me. Everybody from Tennessee Williams to Bobby ‘Boris’ Picket.

KP: Is that this year…

WATERS: Well, it depends if I make the movie. It’s supposed to be end of ’09, but it could be the next year because of my contract, depending on if I make the movie or not. I can’t write a book and make a movie at the same time. That’s one thing I can’t do.

KP: Have you tried?

WATERS: No.

KP: You never know until you try.

WATERS: Yeah, but I know the hours. (laughing) I mean, I work every morning, now, doing it. I couldn’t get up and go on a set and do it.

KP: So, I guess the final question would be – is there any project or thing you’ve had in mind that you have always wanted to get to but just keeps getting pushed back?

WATERS: No. I think every script I ever did actually ended up getting made except the sequel to Pink Flamingos, and that came out as a book. I try not to be frustrated. All show business is frustration. Impatience is my biggest fault. But you have to just keep trying. So if I don’t make a movie, I write a book…If I don’t make a movie, I do this. And so you always have to have alternate plans in show business, because it never seems to work right when you want it.

KP: Is there one thing that you’ve always wanted to be asked to do, but had no control over?

WATERS: Oh, I don’t know if I ever wanted… I always wanted to be in Final Destination 2, or the new Final Destination movie, and I asked so many times that they finally did ask me to be in it, but then I couldn’t because of the scheduling. That was frustrating.

KP: But now, in some ways, you’ve got that with Till Death…

WATERS: Yeah, we do. No, I’m a very satisfied man. I’ve had a great career. I’ve been understood right from the beginning. I don’t have… I always want to keep working. Tomorrow is always more interesting than yesterday to me. I have great memories, but I don’t think those were better days. I think, “Hopefully tomorrow will be the best day.” So I’m an insane optimist that believes in the basic goodness of people, and not much else.

KP: And you’ve got a legacy, and you’re a pop culture icon… So, you can’t get much better than that.

WATERS: Well, thank you.

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Win THE NUDE BOMB on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:19 am

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We’re giving away, in conjunction with Universal Home Video, ten (10) copies of THE NUDE BOMB on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Tuesday, July 8th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Tuesday, July 8th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

June 30, 2008

Win FUTURAMA: THE BEAST WITH A BILLION BACKS on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:43 am

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We’re giving away, in conjunction with Fox Home Video, three (3) copies of FUTURAMA: THE BEAST WITH A BILLION BACKS on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Monday, July 7th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Monday, July 7th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

SModcast 55

Filed under: SModcast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:28 am

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Your TextSModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.

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SModcast 55: Naked Butz –

In which our heroes get corny, analyze the father of American obesity, and get a shot of maturity.

[CONTENT WARNING] SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
SModcast 55 (MP3 format) – 49.10 MB

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SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes
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Wanna add your two cents? Spend it here, in the SModcast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SMODCAST ARCHIVES

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TV Or Not TV: 6/30 – 7/6

Filed under: TV Or Not TV — admin @ 12:14 am

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Welcome Will-Mart shoppers! Today we have a special on television viewing advice on Aisle 113.

As you will see in my recommendations below, the surprise of the week for me was the show Baby Borrowers on NBC. I remember being a teenager and thinking I knew everything and I know from life experience that I didn’t know squat. Seeing these kids digress from confident know-it-alls that think they are all grown up to (at times) defiant and crushed true teenagers is a wonder to watch. Seeing that they are also in for pure pain and suffering in the weeks to come with toddlers, teenagers and eventually senior adults makes me nothing but giddy for the future.

This week I’m also excited because July is finally here. The USA Network will be treating us to 16 new episodes in a new season of Burn Notice, Monk and Psych. The latter two will probably be having 8 of the 16 air in July/August with the remaining 8 airing in January/February 2009. I only wish they had the same confidence for The Dead Zone which I feel didn’t get a fair shake with a final season that clearly was compromised by a lowered budget.

Fans of TV mastermind Joss Whedon this week got some big news as well regarding the Internet only project Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. To quote the man himself:

It is time for us to change the face of Show Business as we know it. You know the old adage, “It’s Show Business ““ not Show Friends”? Well now it’s Show Friends. We did that. To Show Business. To show Show Business we mean business. (Also, there are now other businesses like it.)

ONE WEEK ONLY! AN INTERNET MINISERIES EVENT!

“Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” will be streamed, LIVE (that part’s not true), FREE (sadly, that part is) right on Drhorrible.com, in mid-July. Specifically:

ACT ONE (Wheee!) will go up Tuesday July 15th.

ACT TWO (OMG!) will go up Thursday July 17th.

ACT THREE (Denouement!) will go up Saturday July 19th.

All acts will stay up until midnight Sunday July 20th. Then they will vanish into the night, like a phantom.

I’m really looking forward to this project because I’ve loved all his work, I’ve worked with his brother Jed, and it’s starring Nathan Fillion, Neil Patrick Harris and Felicia Day (who brought us the equally brilliant Internet project The Guild). This is definitely going to be something worth watching on your computer instead of spending time with the boob tube.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

Now, what you all have (hopefully) been waiting for.

MONDAY

G4 ““ 8:00 PM: Code Monkeys steps in to the land of the creepy as Dave attempts to help Michael Jackson make a video game for his next album. Some jokes just don’t need telling, do they?

SCIFI ““ 9:00 PM: I know, you thought maybe THIS week I wouldn’t write a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode but I just can’t help it. The show of this hour is QPid where in Q puts the crew into Sherwood Forest, making Picard into Robin Hood. Not really the strongest episode, but how can you not be amused when things happen like Worf stating, “Captain, I protest! I am NOT a Merry Man!”

HIST ““ 9:00 PM: An in-depth look at the historical, scientific, and evolutionary importance to researchers a certain organic materials is in All About Dung.

TUESDAY

MTV ““ 8:00 PM: It’s a four hour marathon to thankfully bring us an end to the second season of A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila. This show is reason #42 why MySpace is bad, mmkay?

NBC ““ 10:00 PM*: This week on Celebrity Family Feud it’s Vincent Pastore (Big Pussy on The Sopranos) vs. the Bunnies from The Girls Next Door as well as Kathy Lee Gifford and company vs. Dogg the Bounty Hunter. I wonder if Dogg’s kid that sold the racist recording to the press will be on the panel? *Check local listings. Airing after MLB in some if not all markets.

OXYGEN ““ 8:00 PM: Get caught up on Tori & Dean:Home Sweet Hollywood by catching the two previous episodes before tonight’s all new episode at 10 PM.

WEDNESDAY

NBC ““ 8:00 PM: If you didn’t catch last week’s premiere episode of Baby Borrowers than you can watch it tonight along with the new episode at 9 when the couples get toddlers to replace their babies.

HIST ““ 9:00 PM: Tonight even humans are on the menu as MonsterQuest takes a look at Super Rats. Don’t let the name fool you, these are no Mighty Mouse.

BRAVO ““ 10:00 PM: It’s a Bravo night crossover as the competitors on Shear Genius attempt to do the do’s of the diva’s from The Real Housewives of Orange County.

THURSDAY

CBS ““ 8:00 PM: It’s a night of polar opposites as Rosie O’Donnell and Tony Hawk try to help people win money on Celebrity Password.

Bravo ““ 10:00 PM: Tonight’s episode of Kathy Griffin:My Life on the D-List is titled Otters and Cubs and Bears”¦ Oh My! Trust me, it’s not a nature special.

CBS ““ 10:00 PM: Tonight on Swingtown a controversial film divides Bruce and Susan when Susan attends a fund-raiser for the star’s legal fund. I have a funny feeling the inspiration for the film and star rhymes with Reap Boat?

FRIDAY

FIREWORKS: Check your local listings, as many local stations tend to run their own broadcasts. On the national side of things NBC has the Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks Spectacular and CBS is offering up the Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular. The latter is conveniently scheduled at 10:00 PM, just in time for you get home from watching fireworks in your own area.

FMC ““ 6:00 AM E/3:00 AM P: Taking the name of the day literally, Fox Movie Channel gives us 24 hours of Will Smith kicking alien butt in Independence Day.

AMC ““ 8:00 PM: Nothing says summer fun like being afraid of the water. Both Jaws and Jaws 2 are back-to-back tonight.

HIST ““ 9:00 PM: Get too scared to leave your house by watching three hours of the show Gangland as it looks at the most violent and influential gangs in modern times.

SATURDAY

ABC ““ 8:00 PM: We’re once again getting the Not So Wonderful World of Disney when they air Confessions of a Teen Age Drama Queen. At least you can see Lindsey Lohan before her eventual implosion.

A&E ““ 8:00 PM: Celebrate Christmas in July with the original Die Hard.

HIST ““ 8:00 PM: Tonight on the History Channel it’s a 4 hour marathon of MonsterQuest.

MAX ““ 10:00 PM: If yesterday’s marathon of Independence Day wasn’t to your liking than you can celebrate 4th a day late while watching Live Free or Die Hard.

SUNDAY

NBC – 7:00 PM: This week’s U.S. Olympic Trials brings us more of those vying for a spot on the swimming teams as well as the track & field teams.

VH1 ““ 9:00 PM: VH1 finally cuts to the chase by bringing back their “All Star” contenders from their “of Love” casts to compete for what they really wanted all along, being on TV and trying to get some money with I Love Money! This time they are vying for $250,000 instead of Brett Michaels or Flavor Flav.

TLC ““ 9:00 PM: If you missed last week’s premiere of The Singing Office than you can take it in before tonight’s new episode at 10:00 PM.

COMEDY CENTRAL ““ 10:00 PM: All the fans of Dane Cook can take in his stand up special Vicious Circle.

– *Will Wilkins is on the side of Dr. Horrible.

June 27, 2008

Weekend Shopping Guide 6/27/08: Doc Brown’s Flux Capacitor

Filed under: Shopping Guides — Tags: , , , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:05 am

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The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

The crew of the Planet Express return in the 2nd of the 4 direct-to-DVD adventures that manage the rare feat of resurrecting a show with not only the same level of quality of the original run, but above and beyond it. Futurama: The Beast With A Billion Backs (Fox, Not Rated, DVD-$29.99 SRP) tells the tale of a rip in space that opens a portal to another dimension – but what lies beyond the rift? There’s plenty of bonus features as well, including an audio commentary, the animated story originally produced for the Futurama video game, deleted scenes, an animatic, bloopers, and much more.

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As a fan ever since it first unspooled over 20 years ago, I’ve thought it a crime that there’s been little-to-no Back To The Future merchandise. Every other franchise seems to be having its day in the sun over the past few years, and it’s high time BTTF got its due. Well, as and you shall receive, ’cause now we’ve got a prop replica of Doc Brown’s greatest invention – the Flux Capacitor ($275). Lovingly crafted and based on the original (inspired, as we all know, by a blow to the head while hanging a clock in the bathroom), this limited edition replica (only 1,000 made!) features sully functional light effects, whose frequency can be adjusted via the knobs within the unit’s case. Now where is the panel so I can input my destination date?
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If you were to transplant Grosse Point Blank to Belgium, you’d wind up with In Bruges (Universal, Rated R, DVD-$29.98 SRP). Simple as that. Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson star as hitmen Ray & Ken, who decide to kick back and enjoy a little downtime after a big job. Unfortunately, they’re not very good at the low-key touristy thing, so they soon find themselves in deep with the local crime boss (Ralph Fiennes). It’s a fun little flick that’s worth a spin. Bonus features include a making-of featurette, deleted scene, and a gag reel.

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If I have one disappointment with the soundtrack album to Pixar’s Wall-E (Disney Records, $ SRP) – with a score by Thomas Newman and a new song from Newman and Peter Gabriel – it’s that the disc doesn’t feature the piece that was used in the trailers from Michael Kamen’s Brazil score. Would it have been so hard to include it on the disc? Other than that, the album is a must.

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I’ve spoken many times of my Anglophilia, and my fascination with the oftimes bizarre and eccentric history of England. With that in mind, it’s understandable that I dug right in to London’s Strangest Tales: Extraordinary But True Stories From Over A Thousand Years Of London’s History (Robson Books, $13.00 SRP). Where else can you read about the Bishop of Winchester’s prostitutes and human lavatories?

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The History Channel’s dramatic recreations of classic wartime aerial combat makes their high-flying return with the complete second season of Dogfights (History Channel, Not Rated, DVD-$49.95 SRP). The 5-disc set features all 17 high-adrenaline episodes, plus additional scenes.

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I don’t know why exactly it is that it seems the bulk of today’s kiddie flicks compare unfavorably to the classics of yesteryear. Maybe it’s that manufactured sheen that it all seems to have – CGI is a sterile tool, and it adds a cold, uninvolved feeling to modern children’s films. Case in point is The Spiderwick Chronicles (Paramount, Rated PG, DVD-$39.99 SRP), based on the book series by Tony DiTerlizzi and Holly Black. It’s all so digital and clean that a thousand Freddie Highmores with their preternaturally adult acting couldn’t elevate it much beyond a pleasant diversion. The 2-disc set features behind-the-scenes featurettes, deleted scenes, and more. A Blu-Ray edition is also available (Anchor Bay, Not Rated, DVD-$39.99 SRP), featuring identical bonus materials to the standard edition.

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If I had a time machine, somewhere on “to do” list would be to travel back just a few short years to when people like Michael Eisner and Jeffrey Katzenberg proclaimed 2-D animation a dead artform and slap them over the head with a copy of the film Persepolis (Sony, Rated PG-13, DVD-$29.95 SRP) – the animated adaptation of Marjane Satrapi’s comic book version of her Iranian childhood during the Islamic Revolution, and her eventual move to France after the Fundamentalists took hold. Bonus features include an English language soundtrack, behind-the-scenes featurettes, audio commentary, the 2007 Cannes press conference, and more.

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I’m all for goofy, well-written fun in kids shows, and Tak And The Power Of Juju passes the “Does my 4-year-old nephew like it?” test. He likes it. And he also likes the first DVD volume, The Trouble With Magic (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$16.99 SRP). The disc features 10 episodes, plus 5 shorts, a featurette on the voices, and an animatic.

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Genre-bending shows are always a gamble on network television, as viewers are usually slow on the uptake and executives are quick to lower the axe. Occasionally, one slips through the cracks and is given some legs – such as Early Edition (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP), which starred Kyle Chandler as Gary Hobson, a reluctant hero who is delivered the next day’s news in advance and must choose how he uses that information. Does he prevent tragedy? Does he buy a winning lottery ticket and profit off of it? Does he do both? The 6-disc set features all 23 first season episodes, plus promos.

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Despite the hokey kitsch value the success of the Broadway musical version has brought it, Xanadu (Universal, Rated PG, DVD-$19.98 SRP) is still an awful movie. Now, however, you can get this awful film in a new special edition, with a retrospective documentary and a photo gallery, plus a bonus soundtrack CD.

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If you were to take that early 90’s HBO staple Dream On and transport it to Showtime and reinvent it as an edgy dramedy about a sex and drug addicted author (David Duchovny), you’d have Californication (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$39.99 SRP). The 2-disc box set features all 12 first season episodes.

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If you were to ask Roland Emmerich to remake Caveman, the result would be 10,000 BC (Warner Bros., Rated PG-13, DVD-$28.98 SRP) – a laughably earnest look at a heroic caveman who must do battle with massive prehistoric beasties in order to rescue his kidnapped cave-gal. Bonus features include additional scenes and an alternate ending.

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Ignore that abysmal Roland Emmerich flick, and delve into the real pre-history with Journey To 10,000 BC (History Channel, Not Rated, DVD-$19.95 SRP). Would you guess that it’s a documentary featuring cavemen and mammoths? Wouldja?

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So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

-Ken Plume

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