FRED Entertainment

December 22, 2006

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 12/22/2006

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:45 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Can you figure out which one is comics legend Stan Lee? (Thingamabob)
  • Check out the restoration of the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer puppets… (Thingamabob)
  • It’s kind of hard to take Donald Trump seriously when he says things like this… (Thingamabob)
  • Here’s how to promote your season premiere during the holiday season (Thingamabob)
  • “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel” a la South Park(Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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December 21, 2006

Music For The Masses: Year End Extravaganza

Filed under: Columns,Music for the Masses — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:43 am
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Hello, friends and Happy Holidays!! Welcome to the very last Music for the Masses of 2006. Boy, what a year, huh? I don’t know about you, but this time of year, in addition to celebrating (or, in my case, celebate-ing) the holidays with family and friends, I like to reflect on all of the things I’ve learned over the past year. For instance, I learned that you shouldn’t go hunting with Dick Cheney, that Mel Gibson is a bad drunk, that Matt Lauer is “glib,” Tom Cruise is a whacked-out dick, Rep. Foley doesn’t use a bookmark because he just prefers to bend the pages over, Rev. Haggard and Lance Bass both prefer to be “bottoms” and that Brittany apparently shaves her poonanny with a cheese grater. Oh, and I also learned that Pearl Jam fans have even less of a sense of humor than their favorite band. Hard to believe, I know. But, hey, you know the most important thing I learned this year? That’s right!! I learned that the music industry is still capable of offering up some kick-ass tunes and THAT, my friends, is what we are going to concentrate on today. Consider this an early Christmas present, or, if you prefer, a late Hanukah gift, from your old Uncle M.C.

EOY-XMAS

Now, mostly because I’m lazy, I assembled my original reviews for the best albums that I had the good fortune to hear this year. So, for you faithful readers, consider this a trip down mammary… I mean, memory lane. For the rest of you, consider this a peek at what you may have missed.

So, without further ado, I present to you some (note: there were a couple of discs that I think are brilliant that I didn’t review, namely Gomez’s How We Operate and OSI’s Free, that easily would have rated a perfect score) of my favorite discs from 2006… in no particular order…

EOY-SCIENCE Artist: We Are Scientists
Album: With Love and Squalor
Bastard Love Child of: XTC and Hot Hot Heat
Best for: Celebrating John Borwein by calculating pi to 100 billion decimal places.

EOY-DORKS

Wow! Look at these guys! It’s Napoleon Dynamite, Merlin Olson and Sy Sperling from Hair Club for Men. To borrow from one of my all-time favorite movies, “these guys [sic] couldn’t get laid in a morgue.” Okay, maybe the one dude… but the other two? Holy crap! These guys look like the teaching assistants at Math Camp. Now, I’m not throwing stones in my own glass house here, but there are ugly people all over the place doing more with what little they have then these boys. Case in point: Paris Hilton. Come on guys… loose the porn-star mustache and the birth-control glasses, the Amish beard, that God-awful sweater and comb-over and have a little respect for yourselves. Good lord.

At any rate… where was I? Oh yeah, the music. So I guess the question here is: what happens when these three guys channel their OBVIOUS sexual frustrations into their music? Well, I’ll tell you. You get the “weird and witty pop” aesthetics of a group like XTC combined with the basic, catchy indie-rock of bands like Hot Hot Heat and the Killers. Or, in other words, you get some damn fine music.

If you haven’t guessed by now, I am fan of the new, indie-rock movement (the Killers, The Strokes, these guys, etc.) and this was an easy sell for me. But regardless, this album is just plain packed with catchy, rocking songs. I personally like the first single, “Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt,” and the single-ready tracks “It’s A Hit” and “The Great Escape.” If you are into this whole scene, it’s impossible to be disappointed with this disc. If your not, well… go check out Mariah’s latest. In fact, you can take all of her album covers, put them into sequential order and flip through them really fast like you would a cartoon book. I swear, as God as my witness, it’s like watching Eddie Murphy change into Professor Klump. I shit you not.

Rating: 5 out of 5

EOY-JENNYCOVER Artist: Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins
Album: Rabbit Fur Coat
Bastard Love Child of: Cowboy Junkies and Patsy Cline.
Best for: Conjuring up images of all the nasty things you’d like to do to Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins.

You know, I’m not sure if it’s the fact that it is getting close to Valentine’s Day (Thank you, Hallmark!) or if it’s all of the Viagara I’ve been ingesting lately, but I feel compelled to tell you all that I’m in love. Her name is Jenny and she sings in a band. I know! I can’t believe it myself. I mean, I’ve liked her for awhile now, but we were mostly “just friends.” But then, I don’t know if it was planned or an accident or what, but suddenly… BAM!! She started singing to me with that voice of hers and then flashed me the twins!

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Damn. Now, I will fully admit I am completely infatuated with the former child star, current Rilo Kiley front-hottie and future Mrs. M.C. Bell. You see, note only is she cute as hell (and yes, hell is very cute), but Jenny has a voice, equal parts sultry and sexy, that could turn the Brokeback cowboys straight. I mean really straight, not just “until we’re alone in the mountains” straight. And, as if that wasn’t enough, for this latest side-effort, Jenny went out and found these hot, Kentucky-born, harmonizing twins to sing back up. Good lord… I need a smoke.

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Now, I should also admit that I am a bit annoyed that Jenny had to go and ruin all the hot girl-on-girl action here by throwing some dudes into the mix. But considering that the dudes are artists like Connor “Bright Eyes” Oberst, Ben “Death Cab For Cutie” Gibbard and a couple of the swinging dicks from Maroon 5, I’ll forgive her. Also, she really only uses these guys for the Traveling Wilbury’s cover, Handle With Care, so I know they don’t really mean anything to her. She was probably just trying to make me jealous or something.

However, this album is mostly just Jenny and the twins putting a modern stamp on some old sounding music, or, as I like to call her style here, “alternative gospel.” And no, pagans, you shouldn’t fear because I don’t mean that in a religious sense but in the “blending of country, folk, bluegrass… all sprinkled with a hint of deep soul” sense. The songwriting here is strong and the tunes are all memorable, but my personal favorite has to be “Melt Your Heart.” And you know what, Jenny? You did. You did.

Rating: 5 out of 5

EOY-SUBWAYS Artist: The Subways
Album: Young for Eternity
Bastard Love Child of: White Stripes and Oasis.
Best for: Helping us all to forget that England also gave us the Spice Girls and Wham!

You can say two things about the British. One, they don’t know shit about dentistry and two, they know how to crank out great bands. Now, it’s no secret that there have been numerous, great English bands. In fact, file that statement under “Duh.” But that list is incomplete. It is incomplete because it is missing The Subways. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “C’mon, M.C. This band is “bubblegum rock” crap. Exhibit A: their appearance on “The OC ““ Mix 5″ compilation.” And to that, I say “touché.” Hell, if that doesn’t shoot your credibility in the ass, I don’t know what does.

EOY-DENTIST
A British Dentist

However, I’m here to say that you have made a mistake. And, if you feel that way, you just missed one of the best discs that I, personally, have heard in quite some time.

The group, comprised of bass player/sometime vocalist Charlotte Cooper, guitarist/usual vocalist Billy Lunn and drummer, Josh Morgan, were initially discovered at an unsigned artist competition back in 2004. Snapped up shortly thereafter, the band hooked up with solid indie producer, Ian Broudie (Lightning Seed), and came away with this new gem, Young For Eternity.

EOY-SUBBAND

Ello, luv. “˜Ow’s about you jump on the good foot and do the bad thing?

The album itself veers between extremes as the band presents both solid rockers, like the first single “Rock and Roll Queen” and “Oh Yeah,” and more subtle, softer tunes such as “Lines of Light” and the VERY Oasis-sounding, “No Goodbyes.”

Arguably, the most impressive aspect of this disc, to me, is the variety of sounds presented here. As a result of this, the band is exceedingly hard to categorize. Are they rockers? Sure. Are they a shoe-gazing, emo band? Sure. Do they like the Sex Pistols? Sure. Did they kinda rip off Oasis? Again… sure. Regardless, every song on the album shines in its own right and this is easily one of the best discs I have heard in quite some time. And the best part? It doesn’t sound like another weak attempt to capture the fad du jour. Good Stuff.

Rating: 5 out of 5

EOY-HOTEL2 Artist: Hotel Lights
Album: Hotel Lights
Bastard Love Child of: Ben Folds and Travis.
Best for: Realizing that Dave Grohl wasn’t the only talented drummer over-shadowed by a talented front man.

EOY-HOTEL

How did Hotel Lights get in my mom’s basement?

Before we get started with this one, let me just say that yes, I know that this album came out in early March. I missed it. Jesus… get off my back already! So, why review it now? Simple. This album is absolutely AMAZING and I feel a burning need to tell you about it. Of course, that burning could also be the result of this weekend’s “bender,” where I woke up in an unknown motel room wearing nothing but pasties and a goatee that I didn’t grow.

If you are anything like me, and I’m sure you are, right about now, you are probably saying “Why would someone name a band “˜Hotel Lights?'” Good question, sparky. Here is a little quote I was able to dig up from founding member, Darren Jessee, former drummer for Ben Folds Five:

“…when you see hotel lights in the distance you feel like ‘yeah, I’m almost there’, but when you stand in the bathroom and turn on the hotel lights, they are fluorescent and you see every scar.” -Darren Jessee

Holy crap, Darren… sounds like Ben messed you up pretty good, eh? Seriously, Darren, tell me… do you have to cut yourself sometimes to let the darkness out?

EOY-BEN

Ben Folds… the bastard that broke Darren’s heart.

As I just mentioned, Hotel Lights is the creation of former Ben Fold’s drummer, Darren Jesse, who actually got his song writing start while playing for Ben. That’s right, friends, Darren is the man responsible for the mega-hit “Brick” and, my personal favorite, “Magic” from the Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner (Highly Recommended!). With this new band, Darren takes a more melancholy approach to song writing by over-laying his catchy melodies with heartfelt, angst riddled lyrics. Yes, you guessed it. NOT an album to play at your next rave. However, this IS the perfect album to have on in the car, or as background music for your next romantic encounter, or for when you feel the need to cut yourself to let the darkness out.

To round out the band and flush out his sound, Darren added former Archers of Loaf drummer Mark Price, producer/guitarist Al Weatherhead, Roger Gupton on bass and Chris Badger on keyboards. Together, these guys have managed to craft some low key, but incredibly impressive songs that I would argue hold up better than anything Ben Folds Five ever accomplished. This is a solid disc throughout, but the best song, and first single, “A.M. Slow Golden Hit,” is mesmerizing. I also really dig “Miles Behind Me,” “I Am A Train,” the Dylan-esque “Stumblin’ Home Winter Blues” and “What You Meant,” a song that blends acoustic guitar and synthesizer to great effect.

This is truly one of the best, albeit mellow, discs to come out this year, so far, hands down. Pick yourself up a copy.

Rating: 5 out of 5

EOY-BLUE Artist: Blue October
Album: Foiled
Bastard Love Child of: Peter Gabriel and Nickelback… that one’s for you, Ryall!
Best for: Helping you understand that some artists do their best work while totally and completely bat-shit, insane.

EOY-JUSTIN

I’m pretty sure they are yelling something about wearing eye shadow to the photo shoot.

Much like my friend, Justin, I’m sitting here in my dippity-do room at the hospital, typing on the old tuna. They tell me that I recently had some kind of psychotic break, triggered by repeated listenings of John Tesh’s new album “Tunes From A Giant Forhead.” But how can I argue? I love tacos. Talking to the doctor, the one who looks like Dick Cheney, I came to the realization that I can only, truly, find my happy Plah-doh© place if I’m listening to singers who dance like Peter Gabriel. Crazy, huh? Yep, peanut butter! Find me one of those floating in the sky and I’m going to be happier than Michael Jackson on a NAMBLA-sponsored camping trip. Ever hear John Cusack play his raincoat to Kate’s Bush, I mean, Kate Bush? Whatever, porkchop… I will not hurt the nice people. But Peter Gabriel’s music, to me, is about as good as talking envelopes get. Uh oh… here comes the orange nurse with sleep in her hand. What’s that hairy nurse? Time for my pills? But I’m talking to my friend’s right now and I don’ttttttttttttttttttttttttttt…

Okay… back now… for a bit. Now where was I? Oh yeah… Peter Gabriel. So, right about now you are probably saying to yourself, “Holy shit, that was weird” and “Hey, that’s great, but what exactly does Peter Gabriel have to do with the dude, up there in the picture, wearing the latest from Mabeline’s “˜Trashy Club Whore’ collection?”
Well, I’ll tell you. See, first, Justin Furstenfeld, that guy up there with a mild case of “gender confusion,” had a little problem with “reality” and was “committed” to an “insane” asylum… like me. Who knew they could commit you for putting too much male nudity up on the internet? Unlike me, he is the lead singer for a hot new group, Blue October, and the dude sounds EXACTLY like Peter Gabriel. And no, I’m not hallucinating again or throwing that comparison around lightly. And yes, I am lucid enough now to know that I’ve said that before, like with the group Elbow, but this time I mean it… kinda like when I tell the girls I date that I’m only going to put it in for a minute and then take it right back out (And, yes, they are having me work through those “lying” issues in therapy, too). I defy you to listen to this band for more than 30 seconds, any song, and tell me that Justin doesn’t sound like a Gabriel clone. And no, junior, I don’t mean that in a bad way.

EOY-SCREAM

This is Blue October’s new poster warning of the dangers of auto-erotic asphyxiation.

I mean it in an “Oh my God, that crazy SOB created an AMAZING disc” way. I’ve always said, when it comes to musicians, and on-line music reviewers, “the wackier the better.” And if this is the kind of material that you can come up with while swatting at imaginary bugs and watching Judge Judy between sponge baths, then I’m all for it. Hell, if this is the kind of output you can have when you’re nuts, I might extend my stay a bit. After all, I get three squares a day here, all the drugs I can take, a free drool-bib and a nice spot down by the duck pond for when I get “too excited.” I’ve even had time to create a list of singers and artists I feel should be committed, too. First up? Easy. Brittany “Baby, You Can Drive My Car” Spears.

EOY-BRITTANY

You want crazy? This chick is crazy.

Bat-shit insane, “cuckoo for Coco Puffs,” Looney as a Tune… whatever… Blue October (consisting of lead vocalist Justin, three or four random voices in his head, violinist/keyboardist Ryan Delahoussaye, drummer Jeremy Furstenfeld, guitarist CB Hudson and bassist Matt Novesky) has crafted a virtually perfect album. Pretty lofty statement, huh? No, I’m still not hallucinating… although I feel the pills wearing off and no, I’m not joking. This disc just surpassed Hotel Lights as my favorite to be released this year. Each and every song here is single-worthy, immediately recognizable, catchy, clever and most importantly, different in both tempo and mood. I know it sounds crazy, but I’m serious. It is truly phenomenal, with a little something for all the different voices in your head. I firmly believe that this is the album that will finally break this band… in a BIG way. You heard it hear first, pudding hand. Uh oh… fading fast… better wrap this up.
In addition to the first single, “Hate Me,” check out the pencil’s best songs, the melodic and moody “Into the Ocean” and the spank-tastic “X-Amount of Words.” You know, Timmy ate it, too, and he didn’t turn green so you should definitely know that it’s absolutely brilliant. Buy the whole disc and eat it on rye with a slice of pickle. That makes for one, delicious swimming pool!!!

Rating: 5 out 5

EOY-CHILI Artist: The Red Hot Chili Peppers
Album: Stadium Arcadium
Bastard Love Child of: Funkadelic and a tube sock.
Best for: Rocking the socks off of your… er, cock.

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That’s odd. That one guy’s not wearing a hat.

Well, considering that most of you have already purchased this amazing, 28-song, double disc, or will soon enough, I thought that I would devote this review space to my new, Chili Pepper’s inspired children’s book, The Cock in the Sock. So, without further ado, move over Dr. Seuss… here comes M.C. Bell:

One Pepper,

Two Pepper,

Three Pepper,

Four

The Red Hot Chili Peppers have come back for more.

They each washed a sock,

And plopped it on their cock,

And crafted a some albums that totally ROCK!

Socks? On Cocks?

Why, how can that be?

What do they do if they have to pee?

And how are they attached?

With a bow or with glue?

If they accidentally sit on them,

Are they covered in poo?

And how do those socks

Fit in their pants?

And do they get tangled

When the boys dance?

And sex, yes sex, what about sex?

Do they take off these socks when they go to have sex?

Or do they leave them on,

Like a long, winter coat?

Do these socks leave lint

In the back of the throat?

Well, I’ll tell you what, kids.

If it were up to me,

I’d take the sock off

When it was time to pee.

And I would attach it

With a drop of glue.

And I’d be careful when I sat

To avoid the poo.

And I would carefully fold it

To fit in my pants.

And keep it that way,

Even when I dance.

And in regards to sex, kids,

It’s simple and clear.

So lean in close,

That you may hear.

“I’ll rip that sock off!”

You gasp “What for?”

“Why, that’s the way all your mommies like it,

Cuz they’re dirty, dirty whores.”

EOY-PUPPET

Spunky, the cock puppet

Pretty good, huh? Honestly, the kid’s are gonna eat this shit up. Oh, and in regards to Stadium Arcadium? It really is as good as advertised. The album does a phenomenal job of bridging the Pepper’s career from punk/funk rockers to emotional balladeers, with my personal favorites being “Tell Me Baby,” “Hard to Concentrate,” “Charlie,” “21st Century” and, of course, “Dani California.” In fact, there isn’t a crappy track on either disc. Good stuff, all the way around.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5

EOY-MUSE Artist: Muse
Album: Black Holes and Revelations
Bastard Love Child of: Radiohead and Queen.
Best for: Discovering your own, personal muse. I found mine sitting at the end of a bar wearing a tube top, some acid-wash jeans and a “hicky.”
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Black Holes and Revelations, huh? Here’s a revelation for ya’… before I picked up this album, completely at random, I had never heard of Muse. Not one song. Didn’t even know what type of music they played. Sure, I could have checked them out on any number of on-line music services, but where’s the excitement in that? I prefer to grab the bull by the balls… with my teeth, so to speak. But hey, that’s what I’m here for, people… to take bullets for you. Luckily, I didn’t have to on this album because it kicks ass. In fact, I have to say, I’m all over Muse like bad tattoos on Travis Barker.

Seriously, I dig the hell out of this disc. Each and every song stands out from the last and each is driven perfectly by the powerful voice of lead singer Matthew Bellamy. For instance, on the first single, the electronica-heavy “Supermassive Black Holes,” Bellamy hits notes that a pair of properly descended testicles just can’t produce. Then, just to prove that statement wrong, Bellamy drops into a throaty, Jeff Buckley impersonation on “Take a Bow.” Sneaky bastard.

The disc features a ton of electronic elements and quirky instrumention, all handled admirably by Bellamy, drummer Dominic Howard and bassist Chris Wolstenhome, but don’t get the wrong idea here. This is not an electronica album (see below). In fact, even though that first single reminds me of a shopping trip to Abercrombie & Fitch (the roomy shorts allow “the boys” a nice bit of breathing room, thank you very much), the album is largely guitar driven with that one track designed, with tongue firmly in check, to freak the shit out of long time fans. No other track on the disc is remotely like it.

If you are looking for an experimental, yet highly listenable and enjoyable album that will run the gamut from moody Depeche Mode (“Map of the Problematique”) to Bends-era Radiohead (“Soldiers Poem”) to classic Queen (“Knights of Cydonia”), check this one out. Top shelf, folks.

Rating: 5 out of 5

EOY-ROSECD Artist: Rose Hill Drive
Album: Rose Hill Drive
Bastard Love Child of: Led Zeppelin and Triumph (the band, not the insult comic dog).
Best for: Proving that the Denver music scene actually has something “meaty” to offer.

I’ll be the first to admit that Denver (et al) is hardly a “musical hot spot” here in the U.S., ESPECIALLY when you compare it to places like L.A., Chicago, New York, Nashville or, umm… Dubuque. I mean, sure, we gave the world The Foggy Mountain Fuckers, Lying Bitch and the Restraining Orders and, of course, The Fray, who single-handedly caused the automobile-related instances of dry-humping, crazed fingerings and awkward oral in the teenage population to sky-rocket, but otherwise, we haven’t had a whole lot to offer the world, musically speaking. Until now.

EOY-ROSE

Starting a few years back, there was a buzz around town centered on a hot, new power trio that was tearing up bars in and around their hometown of Boulder, Colorado. Named after the street where they grew up, Rose Hill Drive, featuring brothers Daniel (19) and Jake (21) Sproul on lead guitar and bass, respectively, and childhood bud, Nate Barnes (21), behind the kit, had quickly managed to become the “must-see” band in the Denver area. So see them I did. Twice. And let me tell you, friends… holy shit. I still get chills (and there multiplyin’… it’s electrifyin’!) thinking back to the first time I saw these boys play. Think: the intensity of live Zeppelin with the virtuoso performances of Rush… heady comparisons, I know, especially invoking the names of two of my all-time favorite bands, but I’m not joking. I hadn’t seen anything like it in quite some time.

Needless to say, I have been anxiously awaiting the release of this groups self-titled, debut album for some time now. And, after giving it a few, initial run-throughs, I gotta say… I’m a bit disappointed. Wait, wait… NOT in the way that you might think. This new disc is packed with an amazing array of songs that alternate between pure, driving, riff-laden rock anthems to bluesy, pure-toned ballads. Numerous songs on this disc, namely the album opener, “Showdown,” with it’s in-your-face guitar riff and the driving, “Raise Your Hands,” have an immediate and classic feel that will make you fully understand the Zeppelin reference above. On the contrary, this disc has shown a melodic sensibility and musical craftsmanship that I wouldn’t have expected from these “kids.”

EOY-ROSE2

And there in lies the rub. You see, as good as this disc is, (oh, and it IS good, nay, great) it does ZERO justice to the insane and blistering live shows that these guys put on. THAT is a crying shame. Sure, it’s hard to capture the type of energy that these guys put out on stage in a studio setting, but I’m betting that a more raw, less polished production would have served these guys better on this outing. Yes, I’m a nit-picky little bitch. Whatever. Luckily, with the recent resurgence of the classic rock sound and the success of bands like Wolfmother, Rose Hill Drive is destined for stardom and will undoubtedly have ample time to experiment with this notion next time out. Seriously, folks, I highly recommend this disc, but understand this… it pales in comparison to their live shows.

Rating: 5 out of 5

EOY-MAIDEN Artist: Iron Maiden
Album: A Matter Of Life And Death
Bastard Love Child of: Black Sabbath and King Crimson.
Best for: Pumping up your “street cred” at the local Hot Topic by cruising in there with an ACTUAL concert shirt.

EOY-TAP

No… this is not a scene from Spinal Tap II. But it easily could be.

I’m not ashamed to tell you that, much like pubic hair, I came into Iron Maiden late. Then again, having Iron Maiden in my life has never made a “clean wipe” a challenge, so maybe that’s a bad comparison. Whatever. I guess my point here is that I never gave Iron Maiden’s music a fair shake until well into my college years; always dismissing them as a “poor man’s Sabbath.” Hey, fuck off. I never said I was a smart man, Jenny.

EOY-GUMP

Needless to say, in the years since “my discovery,” I have actually become a big fan of the band, more so of the band WITH Dickinson, and have been anxiously awaiting the release of this, their 14th studio album, A Matter Of Life And Death. So, right about now, you are probably asking yourself “was it worth the wait?” Well, chuckle nuts, I’m glad you asked.

EOY-EDDIE

My girlfriend… PMS-ing.

Quite simply, this is the best Maiden disc in years. Hell, I’d gladly argue that it is the strongest album that Maiden has released since the “˜80’s and it is EASILY one of the best metal discs I’ve heard this year. I mean, sure, the band is getting a little long in the tooth, but it doesn’t show in the music. Not in the least. Dickinson’s voice is as strong as ever and the impressive, 3-guitar attack of Dave Murray, Adrian Smith and Janick Gers delivers enough punch to make your sphincter tighten. I’m not sure what that really means… I just like the word “sphincter.”

The band has always had progressive leanings, but on this album, they lean a bit harder as they switch up tempos, keys and styles while galloping through the 10, epic songs on this 70+ minute disc. All of the songs are engaging with soaring melodies and catchier-than-usual choruses, but my personal favorites include the slow-burning The Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg, the punishing Different World and the driving The Longest Day.

This album is a must-have for any fan of good, old-fashioned, ass-kicking metal.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5

EOY-BECK Artist: Beck
Album: The Information
Bastard Love Child of: Beck’s Sea Change and Mellow Gold.
Best for: Seeing what else Beck can do with two turn-tables and a microphone.

For those of you out there who went “old school” and picked up the actual CD of Beck’s new album, The Information, you know that in addition to the cheesy, home-made videos included for all of the songs, the disc comes with a “blank” cover and a bunch of stickers so that you can customize it to your liking. See that cover up there? Sure, that’s somebody’s vision of what the cover SHOULD look like. But it’s not MY vision. Au contraire, mon frere. I used those stickers to make my disc cover look like this…

EOY-POOH

Umm… need a mint?

Now, this may come as a surprise to some of you out there, but Beck is a weird, fucking little monkey. But you know? It is precisely that weirdness, coupled with tongue-in-check unpredictability, that makes his music so damn cool and so damn different that I couldn’t help but become a huge fan (just thought I’d put this critique into context for you. You’re welcome.) I mean, where else can you hear pop, hip-hop, country, folk, funk, experimental jazz, arcade bleeps and lounge music all on the same album? Nowhere, that’s where. Okay, maybe on a Bjork disc… whatever, smart ass.

EOY-BECK2

As a fan of Beck Hanson, the one thing that I have come to expect from each, new album is something unexpected and, in that regard, this new disc actually disappoints a bit. However, in this case, that’s hardly a bad thing. Hearkening back to his Mellow Gold days, The Information revisits Beck’s more “eclectic” days, but wisely chooses to sprinkle in some of the melodic ballads found on more recent albums, most notably, Sea Change. The overall effect is mesmerizing. In fact, there are some tracks on this disc that represent some of the finest work Beck has ever done; a fact I attribute to the return of producer Niles Godrich (ever hear of a band called Radiohead?) and his spacey production style.

Highlights of the disc include the pop-synth perfection of “Soldier Jane”, the Primal Scream-invoking “Cellphone’s Dead” (check out “Loaded” from Screamadelica… good shit right there, my ecstasy-poppin’ little pals), “Strange Apparition” and my personal favorite, the trippy, moody “Dark Star.” There is a lot to like, nay, love, on this album, regardless of whether or not you’re a fan, but before you think I’m just jacking Beck off with long, slow strokes here, I gotta be honest with you. I absolutely LOATHE the song “1000bpm.” Okay, maybe I don’t loathe it, but I’m pretty sure that song, much like Mary Hart’s voice, gave me a seizure. Seriously. I remember hitting “play” on that track and then the next thing I know, I woke up on the floor with a sore tongue, foam in my mouth and shit in my pants. Of course, I suppose that might have been the Jaeger. But again, whatever.

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So… do you rub her nose in it and smack her with a rolled up newspaper for doing that to the couch?

Rating: 5 out of 5.

EOY-ENIGK Artist: Jeremy Enigk
Album: World Waits
Bastard Love Child of: Sunny Day Real Estate and and the sweet, angelic voice of a little baby Jesus.
Best for: Taking a contemplative moment to wonder, “Seriously… What WOULD Jesus do?”

EOY-JEREMY

The fact that Jeremy Enigk is NOT a household name is one of the great tragedies of our modern times. In fact, I’m pretty sure that it is one of the signs of the Apocalypse… right between the whole “raining frogs” thing and Paris Hilton’s popularity. Oh, by the way, speaking of Paris, I guess you can “hire” her for a $100,000 to host your New Year’s Eve party. Hmm… I wonder if a video tape of you and her having awkward, fumbling sex later that night is included? Either way, I recommend pocketing the cash and spending the evening with a 1X6 with a blonde wig stapled to the top. The conversation will be more lively, the night more fun and the sex… about the same… umm, from what I’ve seen. But I digress.

EOY-PARIS

Now, for the sake of those of you out there who have no frickin’, (yes, I just typed frickin’ in a vain attempt to “clean up my act”), clue as to who Jeremy Enigk is, let me briefly fill you in. He is the ethereal-voiced ex-lead singer of emo-core pioneers Sunny Day Real Estate (GREAT fucking band… yes, I just typed “fucking”… the attempt to clean up my act “didn’t take”), current lead singer of The Fire Theft (when he feels like it) and full-time, speakin’-in-tongues, rattlesnake-throwin’ Jesus freak. His favorite color is mauve, he has a Shitzu named Earl and he can break up a band faster than Yoko Ono. *Editor’s note: M.C. has no fucking clue what Jeremy’s favorite color is or if he even has a dog. He does, however, tend to break up his bands much like that evil harpy Yoko.*

EOY-TIDE

Jeremy also happens to possess one of the most uniquely impressive voices that I have ever heard and his last effort with Sunny Day Real Estate, The Rising Tide, with it’s swelling orchestration, impressive guitar work and, of course, Jeremy’s tremendous vocal range, is easily in my top 25 and, I would argue, a “must own” album. And many of those same elements, minus the meaty guitar work of phenom Dan Hoener , are present on this new solo album, World Waits. However, without Dan, the album never quite kicks out of the more mellow-melodic groove of Jeremy’s work with The Fire Theft. No, this is not a bad thing. In fact, as the tracks on this overly short disc progress, fans of Jeremy’s work and any of it’s various iterations will easily recognize elements from Sunny Day’s Rising Tide or Diary and The Fire Theft disc. And this really kicks ass. For you non-fans? Hmm… honestly, for the uninitiated, I could see Jeremy’s, whinny-at-times timbre irritating the holy hell out of you. I would recommend that you pick up The Rising Tide first to get acclimated to his sound (and because you should own it) and in a friendlier (read: more accessible) environment. However, if you’re feeling adventurous and want a superb disc from an under-appreciated artist, grab a copy of World Waits and let it grow on you like a cold sore on Albert Pujols lip (Thanks HDTV!!). You won’t be disappointed.
To check out the best songs on the disc, minus the spooky-as-hell “Damien Dreams,” hit Jeremy’s MySpace page… www.myspace.com/jeremyenigk.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (only because it’s too, damn short)

Well, folks, my fun meter is pegged so that’s going to do it for this time out and, actually, for the year. But stay tuned, friends, for we will be back after the first of the year with a new, streamlined, weekly column and an occasional podcast. It’s going to be a kick.

Until then, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!!

Send cheese graters, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:
M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001

QSE News: 12/21/2006

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:12 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgMadonna is set to direct a boxing movie called Blade To The Heart. After successfully setting back the art of acting thirty years by her performances in Die Another Day and Swept Away, it’s only natural that she would want to do the same for the art of directing.
  • In Beatles news, the FBI has released all documents pertaining to investigations concerning formerly alive songwriter John Lennon. Among the surprise revelations in the papers is the fact that Lennon was not a Conservative and did not approve of the Vietnam war. The FBI files on Ringo Starr remain uninteresting.
  • To go along with the recent influx of geriatric rock, the band Rush has announced that they are putting the finishing touches on a new studio album.  The concept album, called Hold Your Bladder, will feature unnecessarily lengthy songs that tell the story of three, aged and incontinent musicians who discover that their music hasn’t been relevant for over 30 years.
  • Putting the “Ew” in news, it has been confirmed that stars Sharon Stone and Christian Slater are dating.  Stone, 48 and Slater, 37 began dating after starring together in the movie Bobby. Slater commented on the relationship in a recent interview by saying “I just wasn’t looking for a challenge. I’m pretty sick of trying to seduce women. I just wanted a sure thing and. . .well, come on.  Sharon Stone.  Hello?  Ten years ago calling?  Easy money, people.  Easy money.”
  • And finally, in other recording news, the Black Eyed Peas have recorded a “fun” new album. The band took to heart the voice of their fan collective that said the world was sick of hearing such politically and religiously charged anthems as “Let’s Get Retarded” and “My Humps.”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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December 20, 2006

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 12/21/2006

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:54 pm
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Jet Screamer, pop idol of the future… (Thingamabob)
  • Go get your very own copy of the audiobook for John Hodgman’s Areas of My Expertise for free on iTunes, NOW! (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

##

QSE News: 12/20/2006

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:22 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgRingo Starr is set to “tell-all“ in an upcoming documentary for British TV. Topics for the documentary will likely include revelations about Starr’s true role with the Beatles. “I wrote every song. And sang every song. And played all the instruments. Please believe me. Please like me.”
  • The book publisher who tapped O.J. Simpson to write a tell-all book has been fired for making anti-Semitic comments.  Judith Regan supposedly lamented to a lawyer that there was a “Jewish cabal” against her in the publishing community.  Regan’s lawyer has called the allegations “completely untrue,” adding that his client “has NEVER had an anti-Semitic bone in her body.  Pro-Semitic bones?  Sure.  Tons.  Especially after a couple of apple-tinis.”
  • It’s been announced that geek god Bryan Singer may direct the new television drama Football Wives for ABC.  The series, which is a remake of the British show Footballers’ Wives, promises to deliver the same amount of drama and intrigue that the original series did, only his version will be centered on an actual sport”¦ not soccer.
  • Heavyweight singer Ruben Studdard, who recently lost over 100 pounds, is trying to get residents of Alabama to commit to losing 10 pounds each.  To help the people who make the pledge, Studdard has sought the help of renowned celebrity weight loss expert Nicole Richie.
  • In a sad bit of news, beloved animator Joe Barbera, co-creator of such iconic cartoon characters as Tom and Jerry, Scooby-Doo and the Flinstones, passed away Monday from natural causes.  A memorial service is being planned, and it is expected that there will not be a dry eye in the house as George Jetson pushes the button on the side of the coffin to fold it into a little suitcase before it is carried out of the church.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 12/20/2006

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:11 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Neil Cicierega escapes from the basement… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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December 19, 2006

Toy Box: He’s Such a Jughead…

Filed under: Columns,Toy Box — admin @ 1:56 am
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During the Golden Age of comic books, back when Superman, Batman and Captain America were keeping the world safe for democracy, there was another comic book just about being a goofy teenager. Archie Andrews hit the pages of Pep Comics in 1941, as an attempt by the publisher to tap into the same crowd that liked the Mickey Rooney film character, Andy Hardy.

Archie hung out with his homies, Veronica, Betty and of course, Jughead. His real first name is ‘Forsythe’, so it’s no wonder he prefered going by Jughead. Best known for being Archie’s best friend, and for his ability to eat huge quantities of food and yet never gain weight, and wearing his trademark crown.

Diamond Select is doing a set of busts based on the Archie Comics, including Archie, Veronica, Betty, Reggie, and of course, Juggs. Each retails for around $40 – $45, and you should check your local comic shop or my suggestions at the end of the review for a retailer.

“Archie Comics – Jughead Jones mini-bust”

These mini-busts are considered ‘modern’ versions of the characters. I’m not sure what the modern moniker is supposed to mean, but the style does appear to have a slightly more recent feel.

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Packaging – ***
As you might guess, he comes in a box. Like some of the recent Marvel Icons mini’s, he is packed in a plastic tray inside the box, rather than a styrofoam insert. The plastic tray seems to work well, and does allow for a clear view of the bust through the window in the box.

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There’s also a nicely done large scale Certificate of Authenticity, noting the edition number. The edition number is also on the bottom of the box, and on the back of the bust itself. Jughead was a limited run of just 600.

Sculpting/Design – ***1/2
The sculpt captures the look and feel of the books, with enough retro style to make fans happy. Old needle nose looks like his goofy self, although I’m more accostumed to seeing the crown sit off to one side of his head, rather than straight.

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Archie is wearing his usual turtleneck, and the bust reaches only to his waist. He has his hands stuffed into his pockets, another common trait of Jughead. The base itself is a drum with the Riverdale school flag. The drum base is used for all the busts, but is particularly good for Jughead, since he was the drummer in their band, The Archies.

Of particular note is the DA he’s sporting in back. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a DA, but I think it’s just about time for a comeback.

Paint – ***
The general quality of the paint is good, with very little in the way of poor definition, bleed or stray marks. Coverage over the large areas – like the skin or sweater – is even and consistent in coverage, and the colors themselves are also nice and consistent. I am thrown a bit by the blue sweater, as I remember him wearing orange most often, but he was a man of many styles. As long as the style involved a crown and a sweater with a big “s” on the front.

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One of the odd features here is that because the base of the bust under the drum is a) small and b) round, they’ve elected to print the relevant info (edition size, etc.) on the back of the drum. It looks good though, if unusual.

Value – **1/2
Most mini-busts in this scale – Jugs clocks in at about 6 1/4″ tall – run in this same $40 – $45 range. Of course, the small run size also tends to drive the price up, but it’s unlikely that anyone will get trampled in their efforts to snag one off the shelf. Archie fans are devoted, but outside that circle, poor Jughead is probably lost to antiquity.

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Things to Watch Out For –
Zippo. Odds of anything breaking under normal use is pretty remote, and there’s nothing about this guy that isn’t self explanatory. Except why he didn’t like women. But I’m sure there’s been books written about what that REALLY means.

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Overall – ***
One of the beautiful things about the current high end pop culture collectibles market is that just about any property or license is fair game. Things are getting made in bust, sixth scale, and statue formats that you never would have anticipated. Good old Jughead (along with Archie and the rest of the gang) are a wonderful example. If you’re not a lifetime fan of the old comics and radio show, then you’re probably not going to have any interest in the mini-busts. But if you are, your ship just came in.

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Where to buy –
Your local comic shop might have these guys, or you can try:

The Diamond Select Toys site itself has them available for sale at $45 each.

– If you’re in the U.K., Forbidden Planet has him available at 35 pounds.

Related Links –
Honestly, I don’t have a single review to link to of any other Archie product. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 12/19/2006

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:11 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • In honor of the late, great Joe Barbera, today’s Thingamabobs are dedicated to one-half of the most influential creative teams ever to shape the pop culture landscape. First up, a beautifully written piece from Mark Evanier… (Thingamabob)
  • Some old school Flintstones ads for you know what… (Thingamabob)
  • Hong Kong Phooey, number one super guy… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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QSE News: 12/19/2006

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:54 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgAs part of her plan to assume total control of the planet, Oprah Winfrey will be producing two new reality-based shows. Although we don’t know for sure, we assume the first show to air (probably on the Oxygen channel”¦ or TNT) will feature Oprah whipping her “minions” into an undefeatable, all-woman army designed to emasculate men and topple governments while the second will be some touchy-feely crap with Dr. Phil.
  • Avril Lavigne, is set to release a new album, The Best Damn Thing, in the Spring of 2007. Representatives at Lavigne’s record label, RCA, are still hoping for large sales figures despite the fact that Lavigne’s fan base has been decimated thanks to NBC’s To Catch a Predator.
  • In reality TV news, Yul Kwon won this year’s Survivor: Cook Islands taking home the million dollar prize.  Kwon beat out several others in a controversial season of the show.  While Kwon is very happy about winning the prize, Rosie O’Donnell is said to be very upset.
  • The Motion Picture Academy recently announced which films will be considered for Oscar nominations in the visual effects category.  Among the films vying for a nomination are X-Men:  The Last Stand, Superman Returns and Eragon.  Many industry insiders were shocked that the creators of Failure to Launch were not nominated for making Sarah Jessica Parker look human.
  • And finally today, a judge has dismissed charges against actress Natasha Lyonne who was arrested for threatening to “[EXPLETIVE DELETED] her neighbor’s dog.”  The troubled American Pie star could not be reached for comment, but the neighbor’s dog was quoted as saying, “She wanted me to [EXPLETIVE DELETED] her?  I think I could’ve been down for that.”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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December 18, 2006

QSE News: 12/18/2006

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:54 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

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  • Singer Axl Rose says the LONG anticipated release of the Guns N’ Roses album Chinese Democracy will be on March 6“¦ or maybe March 23. No, wait, probably May 16. Or perhaps July. But it might also hit stores on September 23. The four or five fans Guns N’ Roses has left have begun waiting in line at their local Wal-Marts.
  • Several religious groups are upset about the new movie, Black Christmas, which is set to be released on Christmas day.  The movie, a remake of a 1974 film sees a group of women being terrorized by a killer during the Christmas season.  Most of the protests stem from the fact that the movie is completely un-watchable and should never have been made.
  • Fall Out Boy bass player, Pete Wentz, hurt himself recently while performing a stunt for the band’s new video. The video, for the song “This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race,” has been completed despite the fact that the video will never be seen as MTV, VH1 and Fuse no longer show music videos.
  • Video game developer, Edios, has been given exclusive rights to create games for some of Warner Bros. hottest properties including the TV show The OC. A first person game is already in development that will allow players to “try and convince Mischa Barton to come to come back to the show.”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Party Favors: Land Shark

Filed under: Columns,Joe Corey's Party Favors — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:15 am
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STUDIO CITY –I can’t believe Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton were driving around in LA in the same car. Imagine what would happen to the tabloids if a wayward cement mixer slammed into them? Sure there’d be a few weeks of specials about their tragic fate and jokes about Paris taking a final load to the face. But then where would Extra and Access Hollywood go for their news? Sienna Miller? Would they dip to CW stars? We’d have a national gossip crisis.

The government needs to step in and prevent these trio from traveling together. They don’t let the guys who know the secrets to Coke and KFC’s original recipe on the same plane. Paris, Brit & Lohan must take the same precautions.  They can never know when Nicole Ritchie is going to be heading their way.

THE BEST GIFT

There’s only one DVD set on my list to Santa: Saturday Night Live: The Complete First Season. Finally after years of wanting to get more than those paltry best of a performer titles, they got it right.

What always ticked me off was that even when the early episodes aired in reruns, They had been pruned down to fit an hour long time slot. And the biggest victim of the edits was Michael O’Donoghue – known around the world as the beloved Mr. Mike. Now he’s back and putting nails in his eyes.  The only downside of this set: Chevy Chase. Was everyone in America doing cocaine so they thought he was funny in the 70s?

I can’t really review the set since it’s wrapped up and under the tree. But I know it’s there. Forget PS-3. This is the only must have gift.

THEY’RE NOT PREDICTIONS

Can the jerks doing the write ups of various movie awards quit using them as an Oscar scorecard? Could they refrain from comparing how the organizations picks in 2005 compared to the Oscar winners?

So what if the greater Boise critics didn’t name Crash as best film of the year. Does that make them somehow wrong because they didn’t match the ballot turned in by a semi-retired character actor? These critics vote for the films they liked. This is not like Dr. Z’s preseason Super Bowl predictions. You are allowed to mock any sportswriters that declared we’d be seeing Miami vs. Carolina in the big game this year. Those people were wrong.

Don’t think that you can’t look at a critics award and ask “are you nuts?” if you think the film they chose stunk. These morons can get caught up in the hype.  I still hold to the belief that you should wait five years before declaring what movie was the best of the year.

It is disappointing to see that the Hollywood Foreign Press refused to give a best supporting actor nomination to the Great Jackie Earle Haley for Little Children. Why should we expect anything good to come out of this pack of imported weasels? Was he not glamorous enough for the SoCal correspondent of Albania’s Big Crank Camera Stars Monthly? It’s up to you, American actors that belong to the Academy to make sure you watch Little Children when the DVD arrives and decide if Jackie Earle Haley is worthy of your ballot. I’m not telling you how to vote, Abe Vigoda. I’m just letting you know what you need to watch to make your vote count.

HMMMMMMM

Is Jabberjaw a gay icon?

Why do I get the sense E.D. Hill, the Fox News hostess, had the sorority nickname was “Ol’ Chemical Castration?”

FAST WAKING

What the heck is Showtime doing burning all 8 episodes of Sleeper Cell in 8 straight nights? I was hoping to follow the undercover operation along with the girl-girl action of L Word. But now all the series is over in one swift motion.

This isn’t a complaint since it’s nice to be able to just work through the series OnDemand-style without waiting a week for another episodes to pop up. If you’ve finished watching the fourth season of The Wire (which was the greatest series of the year), take a little time to follow the exploits of Agent Darwin. Also be shocked to discover that Daily Show correspondent Aasif Mandvi wants to destroy us. Save us, Ed Helms!

BLAHCATS

How the hell did Bob Johnson screw up pro basketball in Charlotte? Have you caught any Bobcat highlights on SportsCenter? Pretty sad seeing all those empty seats. When the Hornets got started in North Carolina, they had a lot of regional support, constantly sold out and moved a lot of teal merchandise. And the Hornets were packin’ them in until their owner George Shinn pissed off the locals with his antics. But the NBA knew that if the Charlotte fans wanted to see pro hoops so they gave them another franchise and put the founder of BET in charge.

And after a three years, nobody in North Carolina gives a crap about them. The team sports two UNC legends plus the second coming of Larry Bird’s mustache on Adam Morrison. No one cares. Why? I blame Bob Johnson for naming the team. Because who cares about Bobcats in this state? And the uniforms are ugly with this alleged “Bobcat Orange” and blue. There’s nothing glamorous or fun about this team. Johnson and minority owner Michael Jordan need to rename the team and swap the color combos. Right now the Washington Generals have more clout in the fashion world.

WHY PENN?

After watching the preview to NBC’s new gameshow Indentity I can guess what that show used to be called: What’s My Line. I think Dorothy Kilgallen wants to call “Bullsh*t” on Penn Jillette. Why is NBC turning into GSN? Can’t they just expand the Today Show another 10 hours to cover prime time? It is going to be interesting to see how NBC’s Thursday night comedy block is going to deal with an Ugly Betty that isn’t a rerun.

NBC’s going to have a monster game show when they introduce Richard Simmons hosting “Guess What’s In My Gym Shorts.”

OH ASIA

Finally got saw The Heart Is a Deceitful Above All Things (Palm Pictures) and Asia Argento still has a flair for making the outrageous seem insane. In this case she adapted what was supposed to be the autobiography of JT LeRoy. The young man was supposed to have been turned into a street hustler by his junkie mom. This was his weird passage. The problem was that before this film was released, JT was exposed as a fraud. A middle aged woman had created the persona and duped a lot of famous folks into buying her performance piece.

But that doesn’t lessen this film since it’s so over the top that it’s hard to believe it really happened. Her father Dario Argento became known for his elegant creeping camera dollies that pushed his horror flicks. Asia is raw in her camera style. It’s like she wants to get straight to the performances rather than wait half the day to perfect a camera movement. Asia plays the mother and comes off as a if Courtney Love was a shagged out, self-abusing, evil mother. Or maybe she’s just playing Courtney Love. Between this and Scarlet Diva, Asia is cinema’s great emotional disaster queen. And she gets great performances out of the various kids that played the JT character. She had the Sprouse twins (Dylan and Cole), best known for swapping off in Big Daddy do a lot more work than Adam Sandler required.

This is probably not a good choice for a DVD to play on Christmas day. But if you enjoy a nice tawdry tale of a child who think Dickens’ characters had it easy, it’s worth renting.

A CHANNEL WITH PURPOSE

Lately too many niche cable channels have abandoned their format in order to whore themselves out to run movies. The Cartoon Network was running Snow Day, a very unanimated flick. TVLand started showing movies that weren’t made for TV, but seemed lifted from USA’s schedule. VH1 showed The Godfather as a “movie that rocked.” And Women’s Entertainment (We) keeps running Eddie Murphy’s Boomerang as if it was The Burning Bed 2. I’d like to remind these channels that if they have a name that reflects a certain kind of programming – stick to it, idiots! I know it’s easy to slap on a movie that TNT normally runs, but you’re not TNT. Sad enough that AMC rarely shows a movie that could be considered an American Movie Classic.

At least the Speed Channel got it right with their Lost Drive-In series. First off they are programming movies that deal with motor vehicles. The other night I caught Hell’s Angels on Wheels with Jack Nicholson as a biker who wants to roll with a tough crowd. Upcoming titles include The Getaway, The Hollywood Knights and The Great Race. Damn shame they channel is family friendly cause it’s be nice to see The Van and Van Nuys Blvd in the Lost Drive-In, but those R-rated Crown International Classics would need quite a bit of pruning to make it past standards.

THAT’S NOT ME

Is the new Amp’d Mobile ad declaring that “Joe Corey bought a new Amp’d Mobile”? They have a bald guy talking to the camera claiming to be me. Cause I haven’t bought one. How dare this company rip off my name to push their cellphone without compin’ me. I haven’t felt this burned since Paris Hilton swore she put my digits into her Sidekick. When the hack happened, nobody called me cause I wasn’t in there. She had frickin’ CarrotTop’s number. She even had Southwest Air’s reservation number.

A Southwest stewardess told us that she was working a flight with Val Kilmer flying the bus with wings. She said that Val was pissed off when he was asked to pay for his alcoholic beverage. Towards the end of the flight, the stewardess nicely asked for his autograph. He wanted to charge her for his signature in an attempt to get his booze money back. May I remind Val that I gave him the finger for free instead of demanding a refund for my ticket to Batman Forever. You think anyone calls him Batman when he’s waiting in the Southwest cattle chute?

MORE CRUD IN THE AIR

Does anyone really want HD radio? The local Klear Khannel station is pushing it hard with the promise of all those amazing unheard stations. But if I really don’t care to listen to your lame prime station, what are the chances that those mystery channels are going to be programmed any better? It’s not like they’re going to hire anymore DJs. Recently Klear Khannel has been firing voices all over the dial across the nation. What’s really the substance of these bonus signals? Sounds like it’s just a central feed from headquarters. It’s just “free” cable radio and not even the fun stations. Imagine free cable if it was only shopping and religious channels.

Who needs HD radio when AM is where the action still is.

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 12/18/2006

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:05 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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December 16, 2006

Comics in Context #158: Jolly Holiday

Filed under: Columns,Comics in Context — admin @ 3:55 am
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cic2006-12-15.jpgWith the approach of the holiday season, I found appropriate entertainment by going to see the Walt Disney Company and producer Cameron Mackintosh’s new Mary Poppins stage musical, which opened in London in 2004, and which arrived on Broadway at the New Amsterdam Theatre this fall. Based on both P. L. Travers original Mary Poppins books and the 1964 Disney movie, the stage musical is another retelling of the tale of the proper but mysterious nanny with supernatural powers who takes charge of the children Jane and Michael Banks.

As I did with Disney’s Tarzan Broadway musical (see “Comics in Context” #133), I used the occasion of attending the Mary Poppins musical to finally read P. L. Travers’ first Mary Poppins book, originally published in 1934. I expect that by now far more people know Mary Poppins from the Disney movie, which I’ve seen several times, most recently the ABC Family Channel telecasts on December 11, than from Travers’ six books about the character.

But I have long been aware of the recurring complaint about the Disney film: that Walt Disney, actress Julie Andrews, and their collaborators, turned Travers’ severe and rather forbidding Mary Poppins cheerful and sugary sweet. Cultural critic Edward Rothstein reiterates the point in his article in The New York Times (Nov. 20, 2006), pointing out that Travers’ Mary Poppins “often had a look of “˜fury,’ who “˜snaps,’ and “˜sniffs’ and “˜retorts.’ That Mary Poppins “˜never wasted time being nice.'” In her article about Travers in the December 19, 2005 issue of The New Yorker, Caitlin Flanagan writes that Mary Poppins “is, in fact, very often “˜angry,’ “˜threatening,’ “˜scornful,’ and “˜frightening.'” On the other hand, Disney’s Mary Poppins announces early on on the film that she is “never cross.”

So I watched the Family Channel telecast with this in mind. For most of the film Andrews’ Poppins is haughty and strict, as the character is in the book. Disney’s Poppins does not behave quite as unpleasantly as Travers’ can. The book states that Mary Poppins is “frightening” (Odyssey Classics paperback, p. 12), and at one point Mary Poppins “regarded” her young charge Michael “with something like disgust” (p. 116). But, for example, consider the scene in the movie in which Mary Poppins visits her Uncle Albert, who levitates to the ceiling when he laughs. Mary Poppins’ friend Bert and the two children she is nannying, Jane and Michael Banks, find his laughter contagious, join in, and are soon levitating upwards as well, while a severe Mary Poppins seethes with disapproval at this supposedly improper behavior. This scene is adapted reasonably faithfully from the first book, and here Disney’s and Travers’ versions of Mary Poppins exactly coincide. (This scene, and its memorable song, “I Love to Laugh” are not in the Broadway musical, perhaps because it would require five people in flight harnesses at once, or perhaps because it would dilute the theatrical impact of Mary Poppins’ flying at the end of each act.)

The reputation of Disney’s kinder, gentler Mary Poppins seems to me to be founded on three key sequences, which are all so memorable that it’s not surprising that they eclipse the scenes in which Andrews performs more in Travers mode. First, there’s the song “A Spoonful of Sugar,” which, as the lyrics say, helps the medicine go down. This too turns out to be based on an incident in the first book, in which Mary Poppins administers medicine to Jane and Michael, which turns out to taste delicious. But whereas in the book Mary Poppins wears a “stern” expression and gives Jane “a warning, terrible glance” (p. 12), in the movie Andrews’ Poppins is smiling and beaming with happiness as she sings. Her manner fits the point of the song, and, actually, there seems to me to be a contradiction in the book between Travers’ sweet-tasting medicine and the sour temperament of her Mary Poppins. If medicine should have an appealing taste, then why shouldn’t a nanny have a pleasant disposition? By the same logic, wouldn’t that make the children more willing to obey her? Or is Travers making a more complicated point with the medicine? Is she saying that just as something necessary but unpleasant, like medicine, should paradoxically taste good, then Mary Poppins, who takes the children on wonderful adventures, should have an unpleasant manner in order to create a kind of balance?

Rothstein insightfully pointed out that Travers’ Mary Poppins “is a caricature of the most authoritarian form of adulthood” and that “In part this reveals how children perceive adulthood.” He explains that children must obey their parents, and yet the children recognize that with adulthood comes a “realm of magical freedom” they do not yet have. I compare this to the theme of maturation in the superhero genre: for example, the boy Peter Parker, who is dutiful to his aunt and must obey his tyrannical boss, becomes Spider-Man, with superhuman abilities that give him a freedom to rise above society’s restrictions.

Rothstein argues that “Discipline is required for the magical realms to be revealed; it is what makes freedom possible. Without the one, there is meaningless fantasy; without the other, there is heartless rigidity.” Here too there is a similarity to the superhero genre, in which, traditionally, the protagonist has both a “civilian identity,” in which he is a part of society and accepts its restrictions on his behavior, and a superheroic one, in which he has abilities and freedom exceeding those of ordinary people, but nonetheless devotes them to the service of society. The most famous of the superheroes is both Superman and Clark Kent. To be only Clark Kent would doom him to a life of “rigidity” he could not transcend; to be only Superman would mean leading a “meaningless fantasy” life without grounding in everyday humanity. Mary Poppins has extraordinary magical powers, and yet she works as a nanny, using them in caring for children. Similarly, her friend Bert, as we shall see, may have magical powers of his own, but instead devotes himself to art (in the book, movie and musical) or to serving society as a chimney sweep (in the movie and musical).

Although Cameron Mackintosh promised P. L. Travers before her death that his stage version of Mary Poppins would be truer to her character, if you have a singing, dancing Mary Poppins, then the battle to make her consistently stern and authoritarian has already been lost. The other two sequences in the movie that present a sunny, cheerful Mary Poppins are the adventure in the world within Bert’s sidewalk painting, full of singing and dancing (with the songs “It’s a Jolly Holiday with Mary” and “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”) and the “Step in Time” song and dance number with Bert and his fellow chimney sweeps on the rooftops of London.

The “Jolly Holiday” sequence is surprisingly faithful to a chapter of the book, in which Mary Poppins and Bert do indeed enter a world within his painting, find themselves dressed in fancy clothes, and are served tea in the woods by a waiter (but not by penguins, which Walt Disney contributed to the film). Moreover, in Travers’ book Bert is clearly Mary Poppins’ boyfriend, and their adventure in this alternate world is just as clearly a date. My biggest surprise is that in this chapter, which is only the second in the book, Travers has Mary Poppins’ stern persona entirely melt away. She speaks “softly” (p. 18) and “brightly” (p. 19); she is described as “pleased” (p. 23). Even the book’s insistence that Mary Poppins is rather plain (and therefore does not look like Julie Andrews) is undercut in this chapter by Bert’s awestruck reaction to her in her new finery: “Then he gulped and said: “˜Golly!'” (p. 22).

There has been some controversy in the New York City media about the end of Act I of the musical, in which toys come to life and menace Jane and Michael, who have been naughty. I don’t know how I would react to seeing this if I were a small child, but from my adult perspective it didn’t seem at all disturbing. What I found strange was the musical’s treatment of “Jolly Holiday.” Mary Poppins, Bert and the children do not enter Bert’s painting, presumably because that would be a hard thing to stage. Instead the park transforms into a more colorful setting, Mary Poppins and Bert reenter in handsome new costumes, and statues in the classical style, including one of the god Neleus, come to life and join in the dancing. (Neleus’s statue is from one of Travers’ later Poppins books.) The strange thing is that Neleus and the other statues are virtually nude. (They’re actually in skin-tight costumes and body paint, and naughty bits remain covered, but the effect is still that of semi-nudity.)

Perhaps this wouldn’t bother Travers. In the first Mary Poppins book a star named Maia appears on Earth as a human child, and Travers emphasizes that “the child had practically no clothes on, only a light wispy strip of blue stuff that looked as though she had torn it from the sky to wrap round her naked body” (p. 183). Mary Poppins is started by the sight, but Maia is unconcerned by her near-nudity, and perhaps Travers means us to be unconcerned as well.

It seems weird and perhaps a little disturbing to watch performers in Edwardian costumes cavorting with semi-nude figures in front of an audience full of families with small children. But, as I said, Mary Poppins and Bert are obviously on a date of sorts, so I suppose that Neleus and the semi-nude female statues provide a libidinous subtext.

My initial reaction to reading this chapter was that it gave Walt Disney all the justification he needed to presenting the merry, beautiful, singing and dancing Mary Poppins of the “Jolly Holiday” sequence. Since this is how she behaves around her boyfriend Bert, then it would also make sense that his presence would induce her to join in the merriment in “Step in Time.” Watching the movie again, I noticed that after engaging in dancing in “Step in Time,” Andrews’ Mary Poppins abruptly and amusingly reverts to her usual staid persona, holding up her hands and turning her face in exaggerated disdain when the other chimney sweeps offer to keep dancing with her.

My second reaction was to realize what the difference is between Travers’ and Disney’s versions of the “Jolly Holiday” sequence: in Travers’ version the kids aren’t there. Travers makes the point that this happens on Mary Poppins’ day off, so she has dropped the staid, stern persona she otherwise uses in her dealings with the Banks family and virtually everyone else.

So why did Travers do this as early as Chapter Two? Presumably it was to alert the reader that there was more to Mary Poppins’ personality than the strict disciplinarian in the rest of the book. To build upon Rothstein’s reasoning, this chapter speaks to children’s partial awareness that adults have a side to their lives apart from dealing with kids. To continue my analogies with the superhero genre, it shows that Mary Poppins has a “secret identity” of sorts. Actually, she has a multi-leveled identity. Mr. and Mrs. Banks, and the world at large, think of her as an ordinary woman, with a proud, severe manner. She allows the children to see that she has magical powers, but, in the book, does not allow them to see more than the strict authority figure side of her personality. Bert gets to see a softer side of her personality, and notice that Mary Poppins’ other self comes complete with a fancy costume. And then there are suggestions, as we shall see, that Mary Poppins is something other than human.

This reminds me of one of my favorite characters in Charles Dickens’ novels, though one who I think is generally overlooked: Mr. Wemmick from Great Expectations. At the office Mr. Wemmick has a grim, severe, emotionless manner, and characteristically keeps his jaw locked in an unpleasant expression. At one point Mr. Wemmick brings Pip, the protagonist, to his home, and Pip notices that with every step they take away from the office, Mr. Wemmick’s jaw loosens by another degree, and his demeanor and facial expression become more relaxed and sunnier: he transforms into a different, happier, more outgoing self. His home looks like a miniature castle, and it’s like a playhouse where he lives with his Aged Parent. Staying with the Wemmicks is like one big party, but when Pip and Mr. Wemmick head back to the office, Pip observes that with every step Mr. Wemmick’s face and demeanor settles back into the rigid persona he uses in the business world.

Rothstein asserts that Jane and Michael “learn that “˜Appearances are Deceptive.’ They learn, that is, that there is a split between the inner life and outward appearance, between the magic of Mary Poppins and her thoroughly adult facade.” As Rothstein points out, after they have one of their encounters with the supernatural, Mary Poppins continually insists to the children that no such thing happened. This happens in the book, the movie, and the musical. The children are puzzled by Mary Poppins’ denials, but perhaps the point that she is trying to make is that they should not tell the adults what happened. It’s like the way that in her Harry Potter books, J. K. Rowling’s wizards hide the existence of the supernatural from the ordinary people, the “muggles” (see “Comics in Context” #148).

Like the secret identity motif in the superhero genre, this “split,” as Rothstein calls it, reflects the truth that an individual can have a public side and a private side to his personality. Justifying such a split, as Rothstein does, can have negative effects. It could provide a rationale for people who belong to one ethnic minority to try to “pass” as members of the majority, or for gays to remain in the closet, or for anyone to refrain from challenging the opinions of the majority. When Stan Lee wrote The X-Men, being mutants was the title characters’ secret “inner life”; they posed as ordinary humans in their “outward appearance,” their everyday identities. When Grant Morrison took over X-Men, he “outed” Professor Xavier and the others as mutants; the new idea was that mutants should no longer hide what they were, but be proud of their “inner” selves. (See “Comics in Context” #28.)

I find Travers’ attitude towards the “split” somewhat disturbing. She seems to be not only defending the stereotypical British emotional reserve, but taking it to an extreme. Why shouldn’t Mary Poppins express affection for the children in her care, or even smile at them? It’s as if Travers was justifying adults’ emotional withdrawal from their children, as long as they can tell themselves that their “inner selves” actually care about them.

In her New Yorker article Caitlin Flanagan describes Travers’ “formidable maiden great-aunt, Helen Morehead. Aunt Ellie, as she was called, bossed everyone around, but her fierceness disguised a kindness she would have been embarrassed to admit.” Aunt Ellie is an obvious model for Mary Poppins, but the original book never suggests that Mary Poppins feels embarrassed about admitting kind feelings towards the children; only at the book’s end, when she leaves presents for them before flying off, does Travers imply that Mary Poppins feels any fondness for the children. Notice that Flanagan also notes about Travers’ story meetings for the film with songwriters Richard M. and Robert B. Sherman, “Travers, whose youthful self-confidence had gathered over the years into an oppressive self-righteousness, interrupted, corrected, bullied, and shamed them.” Sound like anyone we know?

On the other hand, there are other ways in which a “split” between one’s public and private personas is natural, harmless, and even good. A lawyer or a doctor might well be, say, an amateur rock musician or even a comics collector in his or her spare time. A husband and wife have to be proper and respectable when they are working in the office, but may well have a passionate sex life at home that is no one’s business but their own. So Mary Poppins insists that the children behave in a proper manner in their everyday life, but also enables them to experience an “extraordinary adventure,” as Travers calls it (p. 187) from time to time.

In various classic children’s stories there is a threshold that one must cross to travel from the real world from the fantasy world. Hence Alice tumbles down the rabbit hole or passes through the looking glass; Dorothy is swept up by a tornado that deposits her in Oz; Wendy joins Peter Pan in flying from London to Neverland; the Pevensie children enter the wardrobe and exit into Narnia. Some more recent examples of fantasy tales don’t draw such a sharp boundary between the real world and the fantasy world. Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere (see “Comics in Context” #18) exists within London; even so, most of it seems to be out of sight underground, notably in London Underground stations. In J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series wizards and witches are an unsuspected part of the general population, and the supernatural can manifest itself in the everyday world. (Take, for example, the magical night bus at the beginning of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.) Even so, Rowling also follows the convention of separating the real and fantasy worlds. Hence, in the first book (and film) Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Harry and Hagrid pass through a secret entrance into Diagon Alley, a shopping and banking area for wizards that the non-magical people, the “muggles,” know nothing about. Similarly, in a train station Harry has to run straight at–and into–a post to emerge on the platform for the train to the wizards’ school, Hogwarts, a platform that seems to lie in some other dimension. Of course, the Rowling books mostly take place at the isolated location of Hogwarts, and although there are various means by which wizards can get there (the train, a flying car, etc.), as yet there is no indication that it is accessible to any muggles. The teleportational “portkey” in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire serves as another means of transcending the boundary between the real and the fantastic.

Mary Poppins–the original book, the movie, and the musical–also makes use of the magical threshold device in the form of Bert’s sidewalk painting, through which Mary and Bert magically travel into the world it pictures. But this is an exception. Otherwise Poppins makes the point that there is no division between the real and the magical, and that most people are simply unaware of the marvels around them. Mary Poppins acts as the children’s guide to these wonders. She brings them to visit her Uncle Albert (in the book and movie), who levitates himself when he laughs, and (in the book and musical) to visit Mrs. Corry, who is apparently thousands of years old, both of whom live right in London. (In the book, however, Mrs. Corry’s shop disappears as soon as the children leave it, suggesting that they had crossed some sort of magical threshold without knowing it.) Statues in the park come to life (in a later book and in the musical). Animals, such as the dog Andrew (in the book and movie) speak their own language, which Mary Poppins understands; in the local zoo (in the book) the animals can even speak English (but don’t do so in front of people other than Miss Poppins and her charges). As noted, in Chapter 11 a star, Maia, one of the Pleiades, appears in the form of a human child and goes Christmas shopping in London. The title of a new song in the musical, “Anything Can Happen,” is entirely appropriate.

The world within Bert’s painting, in the book and movie, challenges conventional notions of reality. Here is a world imagined and portrayed by an artist, which Mary, Bert and, in the movie, Jane and Michael, can physically enter; it is literally an alternate reality. Presumably Bert’s other paintings are also portals into different fantasy worlds. The “real” world, therefore, is only one of many.

Moreover, an artist can create one of these alternative realities. Bert thus represents P. L. Travers, or for that matter Walt Disney, or any writer of fiction, or any artist. On the literal level of the Mary Poppins story, I wonder if Bert is meant to have magical powers, just as the title character does. In the movie Bert attempts to transport himself and the children into his painting but fails; exasperated, Mary Poppins then transports all four of them into the alternate world. This suggests that Mary Poppins is the only one with magical powers. At another point in the film, Mary Poppins magically manipulates things in the children’s room to tidy it up, and Jane finds herself similarly able to levitate objects by snapping her fingers. So it seems Mary Poppins can enable other people in her presence to perform magical feats. On the other hand, the movie’s Mary Poppins scolds Bert for failing to enter the painting, thereby implying that he could do so but somehow did it wrong. In the book Bert transports himself and Mary Poppins into the world of the painting, and she is repeatedly surprised by what she finds there. This makes Bert a magician too. The musical endows him with magical powers too, enabling him to dance up the wall of the proscenium and, upside down, along its top during “Step in Time,” thereby reenacting onstage what Fred Astaire did (thanks to a set within a turning wheel) in the movie musical Royal Wedding (1951).

Watching the Poppins movie recently set me wondering. Leaving the “Jolly Holiday” sequence within Bert’s painting aside, it all clearly takes place not in the real London, or even on a backlot area designed to look like London, but very clearly on studio sets. When I first saw the movie, I probably just accepted these sets as reality; nowadays the artificiality of Disney’s Poppins world is all too obvious to me. How do most people who see the movie react? Do they notice the difference between these stage settings and reality? Are we supposed to? Are the settings of the Mary Poppins movie meant to look so theatrical, thereby providing a postmodern reminder to the viewer that this story is an artificial construct, a kind of modern fairy tale? As with all musicals, the fact that characters will segue from ordinary speaking to singing and dancing reminds us of the artifice. Moreover, in the movie (and again in the play) Bert acts as narrator, directly addressing the viewers with variations on his “Chim Chim Cheree” song. So there’s not really so wide a gap between Mary Poppins the movie and Mary Poppins the stage musical.

Something that fascinated me on viewing the movie again was the “Jolly Holiday” sequence, in which Mary, Bert and the children interact with animated characters. It’s always clear who’s real and who’s animated. But look at the settings in this sequence. Often I was not certain what was part of the set where the actors were performing and what was part of a painted background that the animation department inserted into the footage. The melding of the real and the unreal is surprisingly seamless; in fact the painted backgrounds here look more real to me than the stage sets in the pure live action portions of the movie.

The week before I had watched the Turner Classic Movies interview with Stanley Donen, director and/or choreographer for many classic movie musicals (including Royal Wedding), who, among other things, talked about asking Walt Disney to help create a sequence for Anchors Aweigh (1945) in which Mickey Mouse danced with Gene Kelly; Disney refused, so MGM’s William Hanna and Joe Barbera did the sequence with Jerry (from the Tom and Jerry cartoons) instead. Famous as that sequence is, I thought Dick Van Dyke’s dance with the animated penguins in the Poppins film topped it, and I wondered if Disney had consciously intended to outdo the Anchors Aweigh sequence. Then I realized that in having real people interact with animated characters in a “cartoon” world in Poppins, Disney had returned to the premise of his pre-Mickey silent series Alice in Cartoonland. With the “Jolly Holiday” sequence, Disney had come full circle in his career in animation.

So the segment of the book and film that takes place within Bert’s painting provides an alternate, fantasy world that is equally as “real” as the everyday world. But the book goes far further than the movie or the musical by suggesting that not only is there no division between the real and the fantastic, but that reality, as most people perceive it, is an illusion. It is the fantasy world that is the real one.

Chapter 9 of the book is “John and Barbara’s Story,” about Jane and Michael’s infant siblings. As in Sheldon Mayer’s Sugar and Spike, babies can communicate with each other in their own language, which seems to be meaningless gurgling to adults. Travers went further than Mayer: the babies can also talk with a starling, with the wind, and even with sunlight. Travers’ world is an animist one, in which it seems that everything is alive and sentient. This chapter makes the point that infants quickly lose the ability to understand the language of animals, the wind and the light, and even each other. The youngest babies are still attuned to the voices of the natural world; adults are separate from it. Mary Poppins, of course, can still communicate with the non-human world; she is, as the book puts it, “the Great Exception.” This “fantasy” world, in which everything is alive and talks, is the real one in Travers’ book; it is simply that adults, with that one Exception, can no longer perceive it.

One might say that the book’s Mrs. Corry (who also turns up in the musical) is the world’s oldest woman, since she claims to remember when Columbus discovered America and to have encountered William the Conqueror. However, she claims to be “˜”quite a chicken compared to my Grandmother.” Even so, Mrs. Corry says, “I remember the time when they were making this world, anyway, and I was well out of my teens then” (p. 122). In Little Orphan Annie Harold Gray created a similarly long-lived character, Mr. Am, who with his long beard resembles Santa Claus and, perhaps, may actually be God. Maybe Mrs. Corry is divine, too. At her shop Jane and Michael obtain “slabs” of gingerbread, each with “a gilt paper star.” That night they watch as Mrs. Corry, her two daughters, and Mary Poppins glue gilt paper stars onto the sky. “What I want to know,” Jane wonders, “is this: are the stars gold paper or is the gold paper stars?”

Now this seems to contradict the Christmas chapter, in which Maia the star appears on Earth as a young girl. The idea of stars taking human form also turns up elsewhere. For example, in the 1980s Peter Gillis co-created Cloud, a now forgotten character for Marvel’s Defenders, who was actually a nebula who could take the form of either a teenage girl or a teenage boy. (As you can see, Cloud was a pioneering character for gender issues in mainstream comics.) So stars can be children as well as gold paper. But it seems that in the Mary Poppins book they are not what science tells us they are: massive balls of superheated gas many light years away. In our world science is real and magic is illusion; in the Poppins book it’s the other way around. The sky isn’t even that far above our heads: Mrs. Corry and Mary Poppins can reach the firmament by climbing a ladder!

And if Mrs. Corry and Mary Poppins can hang stars in the sky, does that make them goddesses? Does Mrs, Corry recall when “this world” was made because she helped make it? And her phrase “this world” implies that there are others. Perhaps Bert, who can create alternate realities, is a god of sorts. (In both the book and the movie, the world Bert creates is apparently destroyed when the rain washes away his painting. Is this like Noah’s Flood?) But goddess-like characters predominate in the book; Maia, Mrs. Corry, and especially Mary Poppins.

For those who know Mary Poppins from the movie, the strangest vision of her in the book comes in the chapter set at the zoo, when her birthday falls on the night of a full moon and the animals, who speak English, all leave their cages. (There’s a penguin in this chapter, although it seems from Neal Gabler’s biography that Walt Disney got the idea to put penguins in the movie because they reminded him of waiters.) Jane and Michael enter the “Snake House,” where “All the cages were open and the snakes were out–some curled lazily into great scaly knots, others slipping gently about the floor. And in the middle of the snakes, on a log that had evidently been brought from one of the cages, sat Mary Poppins” (p. 166). The largest of the snakes, a Hamadryad cobra, seems ancient, with a face “more wizened than anything they had ever seen,” is acknowledged as the king of the beasts (not the lion, significantly), and calls Mary Poppins his “cousin.” The Hamadryad slithers towards Mary Poppins, “And when he reached her, he raised the front half of his long, golden body, and thrusting upwards his scaly golden hood, daintily kissed her, first on one cheek and then the other” (p. 167). Now consider that snakes have a phallic shape, go back and reread that part about “thrusting,” and this scenario becomes even more bizarre.

The Disney movie may hint that Mary Poppins might be a kind of angel: she first appears seated on a cloud. But in the book’s zoo sequence, she seems more like a pagan nature goddess, surrounded by the beasts of the wild and consorting with serpents. The chapter is named after the full moon, suggesting a link between Mary Poppins and lunar goddesses like Diana or Hecate. Is the zoo after hours a latter-day Eden, with Mary Poppins as an Eve who chose the serpent as her companion? The Hamadryad’s references to her as his “cousin” may imply that she is somehow a serpent herself, or perhaps that she is a shapeshifter who can appear as a woman or as a serpent. In her New Yorker profile of Travers, Caitlin Flanagan pointed out that Mary Poppins first appears in the original book “as a shape hurled against the front door in the midst of a gale, [which] assumes the form of a woman.”

FOR MYSELF
As usual, “Comics in Context” takes a two week break for the holidays, and will return on the first Friday of January 2007. I will not only be writing more about Mary Poppins but also about “Cartoon America” at the Library of Congress. In the interim, if you want to read more about “Cartoon America,” check out my report for Publishers Weekly’s Comics Week (http://www.publishersweekly.com/article/CA6399160.html?nid=2789).
Copyright 2006 Peter Sanderson

December 15, 2006

Trailer Park: Finish the Year With a Drink From a FOUNTAIN

Filed under: Columns,Trailer Park — admin @ 12:03 am

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

I was recently watching Arrested Development re-runs that my TiVo (All hail at the feet of this technological wonder….Aaaaa-uuuummmm…) picks up on a daily basis and came across an episode that simply bursts with inside-joke goodness, Good Grief!, and was reminded of how this show could be amusing, tragic and razor smart. One of the other things that I picked up on was the nice, mellow sounds of the “Christmas Time is Here” jingle that plays in the background of one scene and it got me thinking: “Shit, self, I need to give away some swag…”

I know I hinted at it a few weeks ago but I am here today that the entry gates are now open for a new contest (There are some of you who are Lifers at trying to snag something from this Prize Patrol and I admire your shamelss tenacity to get your mittens on something free. Huzzah, good sirs.) and one that I can’t believe I am offering up. It’s not because of the sheer coolness of the prize but since THE FOUNTAIN is easily in my Top 3 for 2006, it’s damn well in my Top 10 for movies that came out post-2000, I am amazed that I am able to give a couple of you out there the chance to own a hand-signed Darren Aronofsky poster for THE FOUNTAIN.

I can attest honestly that if I was on the other side of this giveaway I would be stewing in my Jockeys in anxious anticipation to get one but I want to pass along the love to one of you out there who have seen the movie and loved it enough to send in an entry.

Now, you’ve to work for this win.

It was damn hard to get these in my possession and I don’t want any of these to go somewhere where they’re not going to be treated with a little love and reverence. I would get too maudlin if I explained why I think that Richard Roeper from the Sun-Times (Thanks for responding so swiftly to my email, Dick.) or A.O. Scott from the New York Times (How witty to be called by a truncated version of your nombre. Do your peeps call you up and say, “Hey, A.O., want to grab a beer with the rest of the crew down at Applebees?” If I was close enough to call you “friend” A.O. would be the last thing on my list to call you and you could be assured I would bust your balls relentlessly of you perpetrating this ruse on others.) are both completely wrong regarding what they thought THE FOUNTAIN was, or was not, in their eyes. They are certainly entitled to their opinion but they’re wrong on this one.

Give me an Etch-A-Sketch, a Texas Instruments TI-81 graphing calculator, 10 minutes on Ebert and Roeper to make my case, a fruit smoothie just to keep me hydrated and I can break this movie down to a compelling enough defense as to why A.O. and Roep just missed the mark with their jaunty rip-fest into this deep movie.

Look, I won’t get into why I love this film as much as I do and why I weep for those reviewers who think that Aronofsky is anything less than genuine and earnest but I feel completely stable in my assertions regarding how important this film is to anyone who wants a second opinion about what death, life and love are all about in a way that accessible. All I know is that I’ve got a couple of posters to give out that Darren graciously signed when he was out here in God’s country, Arizona, and I want to give them to you.

All you need to do is tell me one scene that you enjoyed, just one, and make sure it isn’t anything you could pick up simply by watching the trailer. If in doubt, check here or here and be sure to check your work.

Just tell me a scene and give a little context. If the film meant anything to you, you’ll write something that justifies why you’re angling to slap this on your wall. This contest is open to the world so come one, come all.

A.O. and Roeper can suck it.

BLOOD DIAMOND (2006)

Director: Ed Zwick
Cast:
Leonardo DiCaprio, Djimon Hounsou, Jennifer Connelly, Arnold Vosloo, Michael Sheen, Stephen Collins
Release: Now Playing
Synopsis:
Set against the backdrop of civil war and chaos in 1990s Sierra Leone, Blood Diamond is the story of Danny Archer (Leonardo DiCaprio), a South African mercenary, and Solomon Vandy (Djimon Hounsou), a Mende fisherman. Both men are African, but their histories as different as any can be, until their fates become joined in a common quest to recover a rare pink diamond that can transform their lives. While in prison for smuggling, Archer learns that Solomon – who was taken from his family and forced to work in the diamond fields – has found and hidden the extraordinary rough stone. With the help of Maddy Bowen (Jennifer Connelly), an American journalist whose idealism is tempered by a deepening connection with Archer, the two men embark on a trek through rebel territory – a journey that could save Solomon’s family and give Archer the second chance he thought he would never have.

View Trailer:
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Prognosis: Negative. Ed Zwick doesn’t have to explain anything but did he really want me to believe that Tom Cruise pulled a move straight from Kevin Costner in DANCES WITH WOLVES and dodged the gauntlet of bullets that rained down straight at his person? It was that move that nearly obliterated any disbelief I was suspending for THE LAST SAMURAI.

I’m hoping that we don’t get a repeat performance of this moviemaking crutch and, from this trailer, I see the same kind of hopefulness that hooked me into SAMURAI. It’s gorgeous to look at and I think this trailer really exemplifies the kind of selling to a mass market in a way that, while there’s nothing “edgy” or “borderline” about the advertisement at all, does what it is supposed to do: be accessible.

Now, I get a little pang in the heart as the opening reveals a little JURASSIC PARK goodness as a helicopter weaves itself between a lush green canyon but it’s Djimon (why do I always think of a spicy mustard when I see his name?) who really captures our attention in a moment that just propels the events of the movie forward. His black palm holding a muddy stone and the really “dramatic,” read here: obnoxious, voiceover that tells us that people kill each other for these things.

I laugh just a little on the inside when the first shots of Leo and Jennifer are in slow-motion, their faces perfectly sharpened in that I’m-trying-to-look-scared/strong-here-people, kind of way but it’s ok. Even though, yes, the precious stone trade in developing nations is stained with the very real blood, sweat and tears of, essentially, serfs who are enslaved by their poverty and that this movie won’t make this situation any better but the imagery here is undeniable.

And this is about the time when Leo opens his mouth. It’s accented. I wish I could say that I am trying to concentrate on the story but I just can’t get past it. It’s funny, people. Really, it is. I’m already more partial to Djimon’s plotline of having to liberate his family from the clutches of marauders who know he has the gem which they want. I am at a loss to try and see how Jennifer wants to insinuate herself into this movie as Leo gets that she’s using him for some nefarious reason of her own, Leo using Djimon for the obvious reason of wanting the stone, it’s like RAIN MAN all over again, but there’s a real reason why I am so high on this movie.

Arnold Vosloo.

“I don’t give a damn who’s down there”¦kill them all.

A real South African by birth and a bad-ass by trade Arnold really deserves more than he’s given and, thankfully, as he’s precariously perched on the open doorway of a fast moving helicopter with some sweet armament attached to it I feel like this is, really, the true sequel to HARD TARGET. I mean, come on, you’ve got the obligatory romance between a dude and a lady, toss in Djimon as the wild card, while savages are hot their heels to kill them and Arnold is really all you need here to seal the deal. Just disregard all the talk at the end of this trailer about a man on the hunt for his child; this movie should be called HARD TARGET II and this trailer hints about Arnold catching up and, hopefully, finally getting the kill that eluded him so many years ago in that Van Damme entry.
One can hope.

DREAMGIRLS (2006)

Director: Bill Condon
Cast: Beyoncé Knowles, Jamie Foxx, Eddie Murphy, Danny Glover, Jennifer Hudson, Keith Robinson, Hinton Battle, Sharon Leal, Anika Noni Rose
Release: December 21, 2006
Synopsis: Set in the turbulent late 1960s and early “˜70s, DREAMGIRLS follows the rise of a trio of women: Effie (Hudson), Deena (Beyoncé) and Lorrell (Anika Noni Rose), who have formed a promising girl group called The Dreamettes. At a talent competition, they are discovered by an ambitious manager named Curtis Taylor, Jr. (Foxx), who offers them the opportunity of a lifetime: to become the back-up singers for headliner James “Thunder” Early (Murphy). Curtis gradually takes control of the girls’ look and sound, eventually giving them their own shot in the spotlight as The Dreams. That spotlight, however, begins to narrow in on Deena, finally pushing the less attractive Effie out altogether. Though the Dreams become a cross-over phenomenon, they soon realize that the cost of fame and fortune may be higher than they ever imagined.

View Trailer:
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Prognosis: Negative. At first I thought it was a joke.

I asked the questions: Are they serious? Is this really a movie?

When I heard some of the singing that Eddie Murphy is supposed to be doing I was reminded, no joke intended, of his James Brown impersonation back when he used to be funny. I wasn’t quite sure, but I thought I was pretty close in assuming it to be so, if I should have been anticipating a comedy when the hubbub started swirling around this movie. I am sorry that I was wrong about the assumptive power of a hokey Eddie Murphy that appears to be completely serious and I apologize when I say in advance that this trailer does a crap job in debunking the lingering thoughts that this film is a comedy.

The laughs really begin when Beyonce graces us with her screen suckage ability as she treats us to her dizzying capabilities as an actress when she asks the question of how long the girl group to which she belongs, I wonder if her screen mother makes all of her own outfits in this film as well, has been together. I’m a bigger fan of the cowbell that’s clanking in the background, sounding like we’re going to get a rousing version of “Everyone’s Working For The Weekend”, but all we get is a line straight of MY COUSIN VINNY when Jamie Foxx says “If I’m lyin’ I’m dyin'” to Beyonce’s amazement that she’s being given a big break. I really don’t know if I should be containing my laughs or not but this exactly when Eddie screams, “1, 2, HIT ME!” It’s amusing.

But that’s also the thing that plagues this trailer: Eddie’s singing is the soundtrack of the action that populates its content. I dare any of you not to smile when you see that guy with his pompadour all Jheri curled and that obnoxious smile of his; one really doesn’t know whether this is supposed to be an exaggerated, ironic emblem for men of that era who were the front for bands like this or whether this is supposed to be played straight.

That said, then, I can tell you that between Beyonce’s plasticine smile, looking like it was shaped by some Geppetto-like doll maker, and Eddie’s prancing and preening on the stage I don’t really care about any of these characters. There simply isn’t any reason why I am emotionally drawn in by whatever story is trying to be constructed around these two titular actors.

Oh, and this makes me just have a mental meltdown, I forgot to mention one thing about the thrust of this film’s action that we’re let in on about two-thirds of the way through this trailer: Beyonce, who begins the film as a second-banana, ends up as the girl who becomes the real star and gets all the attention much to the chagrin of her other two friends. What a fucking unbelievable change of events right? Beyonce becomes the star of a three person vocal group and somehow has to learn how to deal with her newfound glory. I mean, seriously, how this plot wasn’t ripped from the Behind the Music story of Destiny’s Child’s rise and fall as a crap pop group is beyond me.
Just skip the rest of this trailer because all we get is a montage of what happens in so many other videos, No Doubt’s “Don’t Speak” come to mind rather fast in this regard, when one person gets more attention than someone else. It’s clichéd, hackneyed and I am sure someone will hail it as this year’s Oscar shoe-in. God help us all.

ERAGON (2006)

Director: Stefen Fangmeier
Cast:
Jeremy Irons, Robert Carlyle, Djimon Hounsou, Sienna Guillory, Ed Speleers, John Malkovich
Release: December 15, 2006
Synopsis: Based on the Christopher Paolini-penned bestselling fantasy novel about a youth whose discovery of a dragon egg leads him to become a knight and battle an evil king. The medieval-set tale revolves around a farm boy who learns he is the last of a breed of benevolent Dragon Riders, whose magical powers derived from their bond with the beasts.

View Trailer:
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Prognosis: I Liked It More When It Was Called LORD OF THE RINGS. Just stop for one second.

If you could, please, keep these things in mind before viewing this trailer: 1) THE LORD OF THR RINGS trilogy proved that movies made in 3’s can be enormously profitable 2) Studios love to steal 3) New Line made a shitload, and, yes, in accounting circles it is common parlance to say the word “shitload” when referring to an investment that breaks triple digit percentages when discussing profitability, of money on a franchise that initially only appealed to geeks and those with pale skin and 4) Every child wants what the other kids have; it’s an inevitability that doesn’t stop with the advent of pubes.

That said, what a rip-off, man.

Yeah, this seems like a wholly different story than THE LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy but when you see that this flick is being pimped as the first of three, that the photos of this flick show dudes and dames wearing nearly the same leatherwear as their more recognizable doppelgangers you just have to feel that, yes, this movie is going to make some coin.

I mean, really, when we open the sweeping vistas that we look on, nearly the same as the New Zealand location for Peter Jackson’s hard-fought vision, I stop and wonder how many people will psychologically transfer their happy-happy joy-joy goodness onto this flick simply on looks alone. And, as a lot of you know, many will.

We get some nice shots of a dragon that dips and dives, I have my breath taken away as I realize this winged beast could replace my favorite winged dragon of all time from THE NEVERENDING STORY, but I digress. I mean, this one doesn’t seem to have any witty or snappy things to say so I think my boy from 1984 has nothing to worry about.

So, about halfway though this thing I still don’t know what’s going on; we’re shown the replacement for Liv Tyler, we’ve got a stand-in for Saruman, Orlando Bloom is taken care of and we’ve even got the wood and leather strap scaffolding that was indicative of the Fraggle Rock/Orc’s underground operation. Speaking of which, haven’t these people learned how to illuminate a little? I know archetypes demand that bad guys work at night and by fire but can’t any of these people wait until daylight to do their evilness?

And big ups to Jeremy Irons who obviously didn’t learn a thing from DUNGEONS & DRAGONS as he comes correct once more, he obviously was enamored with the concept, to play the kind of role that Jeremy Irons plays so well again and again.
If I was the guy who lobbed this to Fox this would have been the 10 second meeting that would’ve secured financing: Mix 1 part LORD OF THE RINGS with 2 parts franchise potential with a splish of REIGN OF FIRE and a splash of SOUND OF MUSIC location. Mix to taste and accent with Jeremy Irons. Boom. Now where’s the financing?

PERFUME (2006)

Director: Tom Tykwer
Cast:
Dustin Hoffman, Alan Rickman, Rachel Hurd-Wood, Ben Whishaw
Release: December 27, 2006
Synopsis: Based on the bestselling novel by Patrick Süskind, PERFUME is a terrifying story of murder and obsession set in 18th-century France. Jean-Baptiste Grenouille has a unique talent for discerning the scents and smells that swirl around him, which he uses to create the world’s finest perfumes. Strangely lacking any scent of his own, he becomes obsessed with capturing the irresistible but elusive aroma of young womanhood. As Grenouille’s obsession turns deadly, twelve young girls are found murdered. Panic breaks out as people rush to protect their daughters, while an unrepentant and unrelenting Grenouille still lacks the final ingredient to complete his quest.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Wonderfully Creepy. We’ve talked about this before.

I am a huge fan of Marcel Proust’s writings. “Du Côté de chez Swann” is, perhaps, one of those rare novels, like Virginia Woolf’s “Mrs. Dalloway”, where psychology met prose in a wonderful confection of words and experience. One of the key things, then, that links these two authors together with the movie by bad ass Tom Tykwer, dude who slung RUN LOLA RUN into our collective cool film conscious, is that while the two authors proved that you can make a sensory experience translatable through words Tykwer has to prove that a movie about perfume is translatable to film.

The trailer is promising that he has done it.

I about shat myself when this trailer opens, the twinkling music very sublime in the background, and we see a little baby on its back. It’s lying there, eyes closed, as some dirty index finger slowly makes its way to the child’s nose. And, before you can figure out what’s happening, the kid grabs the finger and pulls it close to its nose.

The voiceover here, as well, is calm, soothing and, dare I say it, gentile as we delicately get led down the path of where we are, what is happening and why we should care about the protagonist. Bam, bam, bam, this trailer hits the high points and I am thankful that as we see Tykwer begins showing us how he’s going to translate the sense of smell through visual rendering it is completely enveloping.

While I am equally pleased to see that the graphic which states this movie is based on a novel weaves its way quickly from recognition to dissolution I am not so sure that showing our main man as a little bit of a freak by his closed eye smelling of the goings-on inside the town square is endearing as it is a little off-putting.

It’s nice to see Dustin Hoffman as a recognizable face in this production, while the production values seem just as impressive, and the tension that’s created when voiceover guy tells us that it was our protagonist’s work to preserve life within a bottle; it’s poetry, I would posit, in a combination of both sight and sounds.

This kid’s work, however, takes a turn for the freakish and demonic as he hunts down a woman who seems to embody a lot of what his nose is driving him to capture and big props to the trailer makers for giving us a glimpse of this boy’s turn towards murder when he snaps the neck of some fraulein. Not only that, kids, but he then sticks her in a tank, wrapped up like a tea bag to steep for a while, to try and leech the scent that drove this boy to kill.

And then, bam, he kills again.
The kid can’t stop and Hans Gruber himself, Alan Rickman, which details the delicacies of what a serious perfume was capable of in that era, treats us to a delicious voiceover. The visuals that accompany the destructive nature of this boy and his prey, a pale redhead that would drove me to kill a few kittens if you know what I mean. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. While I know this movie is not for a lot of people it managed to stoke my interest for its visual capabilities and riveting premise.

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 12/15/2006

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:01 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • More wedding announcements from Kasper Hauser… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

##

QSE News: 12/15/2006

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:00 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgIn a continuing effort to completely dumb down the American populace, Comedy Central has ordered a pilot of an animated series featuring Larry the Cable Guy.  The show, in which Larry will play half owner of a cable TV station, will draw heavily from his stand up comedy act.  With the show, Comedy Central is hoping to lock down the elusive male, 40-year-old, unemployed, racist, alcoholic demographic that advertisers refer to as the “NASCAR fan.”
  • Yoko Ono’s driver has been arrested for attempting to blackmail the famous “Beatles breaker.” It appears that the driver, Koral Karsan, threatened to release embarrassing photos of Ono unless he received $2 million. Karsan also threatened to release embarrassing audio tapes of Ono, completely unaware these tapes were released to the public years ago under the titles Plastic Ono Band, Fly and Walking On Thin Ice to name but a few.
  • Shortly after filming an episode of Unplugged for MTV, the band Korn announced that drummer David Silveria will be taking a “temporary” hiatus from the band because he apparently needs a “little ‘me’ time.”  After the announcement, fans of the band appeared noticeably shaken, many of them crying “why!” and completely oblivious to the fact that in order to fully understand this situation, one should replace the word “little” with “a lot,” the word “me” with “heroin” and the word “time” with “rehab.”
  • In baby news, Lizzie Grubman has given birth to a healthy baby boy.  Both mother and baby are doing well despite the fact that no one knows nor cares who Lizzie Grubman is.
  • The fashionistas at PETA have decided to kick a celebutard while she’s down by naming crack-whore-thin Nicole Richie as their worst dressed “celebrity” of 2006.  When asked for comment, Richie, who was wearing ostrich-skin boots, leather pants, a crocodile belt, a blouse made from a koala, a mink coat and jaunty cap with spotted owl feathers stated “I’m jus gonna has one more drinky winky and then I’ma gonna drive my friends here to my place… *HIC*”¦ so we can keep this party kickin’ Whooo!”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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December 14, 2006

Noctural Admissions: Movie News, Living Room Theaters

Filed under: Columns,Nocturnal Admissions — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:14 am
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Everyone knows that “movies” as we have known them for over 100 years are on the verge of radical change. Indeed, since at least the late 1970s, with the introduction of home video, an implacable force of change has been on the march. Home entertainment centers, iPods, Bittorrent trading, and the world wide web itself are just a few of the mutations that have revolutionized how we view movies and how we find out about them. One of the most vivid shifts among so many such alterations is that a movie, as we customarily know it, may cease to be a physical thing. Taking a page, as it were, out of the aesthetics of Monroe Beardsley, who argued that a work of art is a perceptual object rather than a physical one, movies are now more often than not a digital object.

Predictions of the eventual digital hosting, projection, copying, and so forth, of movies have been rife since the early 1990s, or at least since the inception of Wired magazine. But who would have thought that Portland, Oregon – a drink water town in a state no one has ever heard of – would some day become the epicenter of a digital projection revolution?

Living Room Theaters

Well, so it has come to pass. In early December, 2006, the six-screen Living Room Theaters complex opened in Portland’s downtown gentrified area, specifically at 10th and SW Stark. As its website announces, Living Room Theaters will be a complete leisure experience, with a restaurant, a bar, free wi-fi, and six small auditoria (the largest has 65 seats). The company putting the project together has a sister theater also going up in Miami, but the owners maintain that the Portland unit is the flagship of what they hope to be a national chain. What is most unusual about Living Room Theaters is that the founders also plan to exclusively screen independent and “speciality” (i.e., foreign) films, often trafficking in films that have not even premiered in the United States, and they add that in some cases they will be dealing directly with the filmmakers, circumventing the lugubrious, arcane, and outsider-excluding mechanics of national distribution, the stumbling block that fells most bright ideas in film production and exhibition.

Shawn Levy of the Portland Oregonian has covered the theater’s advent the most thoroughly of local papers. The brain child of Felix Martin, Ernesto Rimoch, and Diego Rimoch, Living Room Theaters is at the very least an ambitious enterprise that prides itself on its energy conservation and green policies, and it aspires to tear customers away from the mundane reliance on popcorn, candy, and soda pop as inevitable movie time concessions. Writes Levy, “Martin and his partners currently operate a firm which converts celluloid prints of movies into digital files that can be projected in moviehouses, and they are establishing connections with independent and foreign filmmakers who don’t have distribution in the United States.”

What’s curious is that about a year earlier Cinetopia, another digital theater with eight screens, a full restaurant, and “gourmet” butter for popcorn, went up in Vancouver, Washington, a neighboring burg situated but just across the Columbia River, and it appears to have made itself a rousing success by showing a mix of popular hits, such as Casino Royale, along side the studios’ definition of art films, such as Babel, as well as digital projection of football games on Sunday and Monday, among other special events. By coincidence, Cinetopia calls its three fine dining theaters, where waiters serve spectators candy, pop, beer/wine, and/or hot meals prior to show time, Living Room Theaters. The presence of these two venues within 15 miles of each other suggests that Portland and environs is plugged unwittingly into the zeitgeist.

One wonders if the ernest founders of Living Room Theaters know what they are getting into. From the local arena to the national they may be greeted with resistance or, worse, indifference. Circumvented distributors may not be so happy about offering up at good terms the films that Living Room Theaters in fact does want to book. Film fanatics may decide that it is still cheaper to stay home with their own theater-equivalent presentation than to wend their way to a part of town where it is difficult to park and expensive to play. And finally there is the issue of where Living Room Theaters resides, which happens to be a busy but recently gentrified section of the city called the Pearl District, yclept thus for reasons no one can remember. The residents consist of mostly very wealthy but conventional-minded people living in high rise condos, who are more likely to be frustrated at the fact that the theater is showing the latest intellectual Argentine thriller rather than Superman Begins. Worse, the company’s founders may have overestimated the town’s general appetite for off-beat entertainment, although the theater complex’s presentation as a multi-faceted “experience” may indicate an awareness of this possibility. It’s Seattle, up north, that is the real movie town; Portlanders watch lots of movies, but have a very narrow appetite.

Worst of all, Portland filmgoers have long been dominated by a succession of large dominating theater chains, all of which have flirted with federal anti-trust suits. Currently, it is Regal Cinemas that owns most of the city’s screens. Outside of the Regal chain, there are a handful of independent theaters scattered around the city that show either second run, revival, or repertory calendars, among them the Cinema 21 and the Hollywood theater. Each successive corporation that rules first-run theater-going experience in Portland has been aggressive in the past about preserving its hegemony.

13 Tzameti

Be that as it may, Living Room Theaters has announced its first schedule and the company appears to be living up to its self-imposed mandate. Among the films slated for screening, a mix of new and recent, are Agnes and His Brothers (German director Oskar Roehler’s award winning domestic drama), Claude Chabrol’s The Bridesmaid, the Edward Norton starer Down in the Valley, Look Both Ways (Australian helmer Sarah Watt’s blend of slacker ethos and animation), 13 Tzameti (Gela Babluanni’s hard-edged descent into masculinist competition), and a revival of Wordplay, among 14 titles.

This is all well and good for Portland viewers, but what are the international implications? High tech may advance and improve, but people themselves don’t change and mostly what new technology does is appeal to people’s inherent laziness; thus, downloading a movie for home viewing is easier than getting up and fielding numerous obstructions in order to get to a theater. More optimistically, cheaper is better when it comes to poorer countries, which still rely on and enjoy the communality of public screenings. What it comes down to is what the film industry likes to call product. If Living Room Theaters can triumph over inertia through must-see movies, than their model may be one other theaters and other countries may follow.

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 12/14/2006

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:11 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

##

QSE News: 12/14/2006

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:57 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgJason Lee, of My Name is Earl fame, is set to produce and star in a comedy entitled Krater. The film follows a rock band as they bring on a new lead singer with hidden “oral talents,” and gain sudden popularity.  Lee maintains that his film is in no way a rip-off of Marky Mark’s, Rockstar, which was a film that followed a rock band that brought on a new singer after the original stopped hiding his “oral talents.”
  • It appears that America has a new, favorite past time… suing Borat. Fresh on the heels of a judge’s ruling to dismiss a lawsuit against Borat’s creator, Sacha Baron Cohen, by two, adorably misogynistic/racist/homophobic frat boys, a South Carolina man has filed suit stating the comedian made fun of the man while he urinated in the men’s room of an upscale restaurant.   When asked for comment, Cohen stated “I don’t think this man has the balls to go through with this.”
  • Proving that the apocalypse is, indeed, nearing, Paris Hilton has announced that she wants to have kids.  Surprisingly, the awkwardly sexual Paris is forgoing the traditional, celebrity method of conceiving children in the restroom of Hyde and has hired top scientists to genetically engineer a brand of “boutique children” small enough to fit nicely inside a Gucci shoulder bag. “It should be fairly easy,” said one scientist, “assuming we can get our hand’s on some of Tom Cruise’s seed.”
  • In sad news, Ramon Escobar, programming chief of Spanish network Telemundo, will be stepping down on December 31.  I’m sure we here at QSE speak for everyone when we say “Nosotros nunca miramos realmente Telemundo, pero cuando hicimos, vimos alguna mierda loca. Gracias para programar muchas a mujeres con senos grandes y muy poco ropa.”
  • The band Def Leppard is getting ready to record a new studio album, the band’s first disc of original music since 2002’s X. Singer Joe Elliott said the band is hoping to recapture the enormous fame it had in the 80’s by getting back to a grittier sound. “We saw the height of our popularity just after our drummer lost his arm. So to get back to that, we are going to amputate our bass player’s left leg.”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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December 13, 2006

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 12/13/2006

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:10 am
thingamabobs.jpg

The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • Alan Davies turns the tables on Stephen Fry during a special QI Christmas… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

##

QSE News: 12/13/2006

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:46 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgFamous lesbian, Rosie O’Donnell, has found herself in hot water after stating on her show, The View, that the Chinese language is comprised mostly of “chings” and “chongs.”  In a statement to the press regarding those comments, O’Donnell stated that, contrary to popular belief, she is not racist against people of Chinese decent and what she meant to say is that the Chinese have an endearing love for Cheech and Chong.
  • In “they’ll give a recording contract to anybody” news, actress Halle Barry is going to release a CD next year simply titled Halle. Music industry insiders say this latest announcement is a clear sign that record executives have completely given up on entertaining the public and are now focusing solely on punishing them.
  • After being arrested for an alleged DUI, it was revealed that reality “star” Nichole Richie weighed in at a whopping 85 pounds.  I think we here at QSE speak for everyone when we say “come on Nichole, you’re really letting yourself go.  Put the cake down and have some damn self respect. Just because you are no longer on TV doesn’t mean you have to eat everything in site.”
  • Early punk icon Iggy Pop has re-teamed with his original band, The Stooges, and plans are being laid to release a new studio album; the first by the band in over 30 years.  Although he experienced some success with the Stooges, Pop is best known for penning the song “Lust for Life” for the movie Trainspotting and also for starring as “The Crypt Keeper” on HBO’s long running show, Tales From the Crypt.
  • In a touching moment, troubled singer Courtney Love broke down in tears as a judge ended her probation for assault and battery and dismissed three previous drug charges.  When asked what she was going to do on her first day of freedom, Love stated, in between sobs, that she was “gonna cook a spoon, [EXPLETIVE DELETED] a couple a dudes and find out which mother [EXPLETIVE DELETED] narc’d on me.”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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December 12, 2006

Toy Box: Lost – The Action Figures

Filed under: Columns,Toy Box — admin @ 3:53 am
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Every year there’s a new fall show that takes the world by storm. Every year there’s always at least one, because God knows we don’t want to talk about work when we’re at work, and heaven forbid should be spend any extra time with our families. Two years ago, that show was Lost.

Although it’s had its ups and downs over the course of two and a quarter seasons so far, the show remains strong both in the ratings and in its fanbase. Mcfarlane Toys picked up the license last summer with much hoopla to do action figures based on the show, starting with a wave of six this fall. While they were officially released in a big signing party at the Toys R Us in Times Square over a month ago, they’ve just now started to make it out in numbers to stores across the country and online.

The first wave consists of Jack, Hurley, Locke (all three reviewed here today), Charlie, Shannon and Kate (all three reviewed over at MROTW later today). Each figure includes a diorama style base, a ‘prop replica’ from the show, and a talking feature, allowing you to play several key lines for each character from the first season. These are all very much first season based, although the appearance of the characters hasn’t altered a whole lot during the course of the show.

If you have any questions or comments, drop me a line at mwc@mwctoys.com. Now buckle in for a long ride – there’s lots to say about this series!

“Lost – Jack, Locke and Hurley”

While some of the character choices for this first wave might be questionable (Shannon?!?!?), there’s no doubt that Jack, Hurley and Locke are at the top of everyone’s list.

Hurley is depicted from the episode in which they played the first “Island Open”, using the golf clubs they recovered to pass the time.

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Jack is straight from the very first episode, walking through the rubble of the plane on the beach, still in shock at what has happened.

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And then there is Locke, from much later in the season, standing over the newly discovered hatch that will play such a critical role both in his character’s life and in the lives of the entire group of survivors.

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You can find these at a number of online stores (links at the end of the review, as usual), or you can find them at your local Toys R Us for around $15 a pop. For the full set, that’s a whopping $90 out of the old budget (not including tax), and that’s about the cheapest you’ll find them.

Packaging – **
This packaging could have been four star work, with just a couple minor alterations. Even with my nits, it’s still pretty damn well done.

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These figures are boxed instead of carded, a big plus. They’re easy to store for the MOCers, but to open them you will have to destroy the box. The top flap is glued shut, which is too bad because once inside, there’s only a couple twisties and some tape. You could easily put everything back for storage if it weren’t for the taped flap. You can try opening them from the bottom, where the flaps are folded together without tape or glue, but I couldn’t manage to open them without tearing the thin package.

The graphics and text are great though, and to the right of each figure is a flap that opens up to give you some more details. My big nit with this packaging that pulls it down at least a half star is the lack of any instructions. The dioramas are actually tricky to get together (I have a little visual how to later in the review), and for some, like Jack, it will take a few minutes to figure out how to get everything in the right place. It would have been very easy – and very inexpensive – to give us a small insert that had basic visual instructions on how to get at least the cardboard backer frame together and in place.

The big drop in the score here is due to the lack of instructions. Without them, I (and many other buyers) had no idea that the voice boxes actually attached to the bases, and wasted time I didn’t need to on assembling the frames.

Sculpting – Locke ****; Hurley, Jack ***1/2
Scanning is all the rage these days, and Mcfarlane uses the process quite heavily. However, the key to getting tremendous results out of scanning is to have sculptors that can give the results life. Without that step, scanning produces zombie versions of the characters.

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I’m happy to say there’s no zombies here, and Locke is the clear winner of the entire series. The head sculpt is almost spooky it’s so accurate, and the detail work on the body is up to the very best of Mcfarlane standards. I could pick at it a bit and mention that the neck seems a little thin, making the sculpt not quite dead on, but it’s a very, very minor nit. This final figure turned out very much like the original pre-production two up, which is a very good thing.

Jack’s up next, and while he doesn’t quite live up to the expectations set by Locke, he’s still a solid effort. Jack’s face doesn’t have quite as much ‘character’ as Locke or Charlie, making it more difficult to capture the character and set him apart from just another guy. The short hair and stubby beard, usually very difficult to do, are nicely depicted, and the details in the dirty suit and flopping tie give the impression of movement without being overdone. I’m not a huge fan of the open mouth expression, and the lower half of the face is a squidge wider and longer than the actor, but it’s certainly close enough to warrant a well above average score. The two up we saw of Jack last summer was much better, but I think this is due in no small part to his front teeth. You see, in the two up they were clearly visible – the scale made that possible. They’re still here of course, but you have to really search for them, and not seeing them makes the open mouthed expression seem a bit odd.

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Likewise, Hurley came out extremely well. From other photos I’ve seen, I was most concerned about how the final Hurley would turn out, but in person he’s great. The expression is perfect, as is the sculpted stance – which is a good thing since you won’t be changing it. The huge puff of hair looks a little weird in plastic form, but it does approximate his hair style as best as you’re going to get in this medium. The small details are perfect, right down to the proper folding and wrinkling of his shirt and jeans.

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One of the things worth noting here is that the proportions are excellent all around. Heads, torsos and limbs are all properly in scale with one another, and even from character to character, scale is great. These are done in a general 6″ scale.

Paint – Hurley, Jack ****; Locke ***
Mcfarlane excels at paint application, and this set of three is generally in line with their usual quality. Locke is the only one to have issues, and I’m betting that it’s a hit or miss sort of problem.

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My Locke has a rather odd looking ‘hair line’ across his bald pate. It appears as though they were trying to use a slightly darker paint on his head, but the hair line across the front on mine makes some odd dips and turns, and looks more like a mistaken application. However, other than that, Locke is excellent. The face details are clean and neat, the dirtied up clothing have just the right amount of wash, and clothing details like buckles and zippers, are done with tremendous realism.

Jack’s outfit doesn’t have the opportunity to show off the detail work quite like Locke’s does, but it still has some amazing work on the tie, and features very realistic dirt on the elbows and knees. In fact, Locke, Charlie and Jack all sport some of the most realistic dirt effects I’ve ever seen in figures this scale. Poor Kate doesn’t fair as well, but more about that in the other review.

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Jack has some nice work on his face as well, where the scratchs are present, and the beard and hairline are extremely clean and neat.

Hurley has the same excellent work on his hair and beard, and even has some extra itty bitty eyebrow hairs running between the two defined eyebrows. These are such a small detail that they are almost impossible to see with the nekkid eye. Hurley has some dry brushing added to his shirt to imply wear and bring out the details, and it’s not over done or excessive.

With the one exception of Locke’s weird hair line on my figure, these are all excellent examples of the sculpt being complemented and even improved by the paint application.

Articulation – Locke, Jack *1/2; Hurley *
This is one of those categories that will matter quite a bit to some folks – for me, this score will have little effect on the overall. Why? Because with this line, I’m giving it very little weight. It’s important to score it, so that people picking them up understand what they are getting, but once you understand, if the product fulfills you’re expectation, then the lack of articulation won’t effect your personal overall. If you’re looking for lots of articulation though, and expect that in all your figures, then these will do much worse in your final assessment.

Each of these figures has only the most basic of articulation. Hurley has a cut waist, cut neck (technically, there’s probably a ball down in the torso, but you’re only going to be able to turn the head from side to side, and even then only a little bit due to the hair), and cut right arm at the sleeve. He poses one way, and one way only.

Jack has more articulation, but what’s here is pretty much worthless. Again he has a cut neck, although the range of movement is a little better since he doesn’t have Hurley’s long hair. He has cut shoulders, but are you ever going to raise the stiff arms? And he has cut wrists, but like the shoulders, they’re here only to get the hands in just the right spot and leave them. Oh, and he has a cut waist too, but it’s restricted by the coat and shirt. Again, he’s a plastic statue that holds one pose extremely well.

Finally, there’s Locke. Locke sports a ball jointed neck (again, the all probably do, but the others are completely restricted by the clothing, making them really cut joints), and he can move his head forward and back, and tilt side to side. He can’t move his head back far enough though, due to the collar of his shirt, so he’s always going to be looking downward at least somewhat. I really do wish he could look straight forward, but it’s not going to happen. He has cut joints at the elbows, and a cut waist as well.

Accessories – Locke, Jack ***; Hurley **1/2
Each of the figures come with an assortment of extras, although most of them fall far short of exciting.

They all have diorama bases, which are generally the best feature in this category. Locke goes a step further though, and includes a nifty water bottle (with air pocket mid-way in the bottle, just like it would be if it were being carried on an angle!), and one of his trademark knives. Both of these accessories fit nicely in his hands, and are a key part of the overall appearance.

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His base depicts the hatch, or at least the small section of it first uncovered. There’s a cardboard background depicting the jungle, which you may decide to use or not – see below for some photos without. More about the cardboard backgrounds and the assembly of the frames in a minute.

Jack has a very detailed base, including several extra pieces which you need to assemble. These extra pieces are made from fairly sturdy plastic, so wilt is unlikely, and are designed to fit in certain holes only. Still, those instructions we didn’t get would have been nice. He also suffers from a backdrop that’s shorter than he is, since the base puts him up further in the air than either Locke or Hurley. Jack’s diorama is his only extra, but with the additional pieces, it makes up for any shortcoming compared to Locke.

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Hurley’s base is the least interesting of the set. The bottom is basically sculpted grass, with a hole for the bottom of the flag. The cardboard background shows the mountain and sky, with a lot of open grass. While the flag is well done, it’s not quite the visual “oooo” as either Jack or Locke’s base. On top of that, I was never able to get Hurley’s feet to fit properly into the sculpted footprints and pegs. While every one of the figures took a lot of effort to get on the base, Hurley was the only one that never did match up properly. The legs need to be just a bit further apart, and because his are so thick and made from such solid plastic, bending them out to fit just wasn’t going to happen.

Before we get to the other accessories (each figure also comes with a “full scale replica” from the show, as proclaimed by the box), let’s talk a bit about the backgrounds. I had to enlist the help of Spidey to get these things together. You’ll find seven parts altogether – the sheet of cardboard, two small pins (which are actually inserted into a cross beam already in the package and have to be removed), two side beams, a top beam and a bottom beam. Let’s use Jack’s background as our example:

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The larger curved cross beam is the bottom, the smaller is the top. While not all the characters have curved beams (Shannon and Charlie’s are straight), they all go together the same way. The peg on each side beam inserts into the top support, and the bottom support has a peg that inserts into each side beam. Once you have the four support pieces together, the frame should look like so:

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Then all you need to do is attach the backer to the frame with the two included pegs. The final product will look like the next photo, and can then be attached to the back of the display base.

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And there you have it! Now, I realize this doesn’t require a degree in engineering to figure out, but I have one and it took me about 10 minutes, and Spider-man’s help. That’s ten minutes I could have saved with just a simple little diagram included in the box. And now I owe Spider-man one, and you know what a pain in the ass he can be.

There’s another question here – should you even use the cardboard backdrops? Please note that once you’ve snapped the frame on the base, you may have an extremely tough time getting it off, depending on how much paint ended up on the pegs, so it’s a good idea to consider this first. Some folks prefer to go without, and I’ve included the next three photos of the figures without to give you a feel for how they look sans backgrounds.

One other point to note on the backdrops that you may have noticed in the photos. Unlike the prototypes, that had a frame across the top of the backer, these use two black plastic pins to attach them at the top to the frame in back. That means back drops light in color have two glaring black spots in obvious spots. For a character like Hurley, for example, where the black peg rests squarely in the middle of the sky, it’s a tad annoying.

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Now let’s talk “full scale replicas”. To be honest, this is the first time ever that I have dropped an accessory score because of the INCLUSION of an accessory. Normally, more is always better – not this time.

On paper, the idea of adding in replicas of key props for each character sounds good. It also makes it sound like the higher than average price for these is warranted. And then you see them. Now, this score is going to be a little better for Kate and Charlie, two characters who actually got decent props. In fact, I’m betting this whole idea started with someone saying “hey, we need to include the airplane for Kate in actual size!”, and everyone agreeing that yes, that sounds cool. Unfortunately, the next person came up with the bad idea “Let’s do that for all of them!”

The reason this is a bad idea is quite simple – almost none of the characters have actually interesting or useful props to be included. These three are perfect examples. Jack comes with a folded 8 1/2 x 11″ piece of paper that looks like it just came out of the fax, with Kate’s mug shot. Locke and Hurley’s are a little better, since they’re at least two sided and in color – Locke has his ‘walkabout’ brochure, with almost no information on it, and Hurley has the lottery ticket with the numbers on one side, and almost all other text in gibberish and such a tiny font it would be unreadable anyway. These are cheap little pieces of paper, folded up (in the case of Kate’s sheet and the brochure) so that even framing them to display is out of the question. These things don’t cost pennies to include – they cost tenths of pennies, and certainly do not warrant or justify the high prices of the figures. You might keep the lottery ticket around, but the other two are going to get tossed aside by even hardcore fans.

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Talking Feature – ***
To go along with the silly replicas, there’s a silly talking feature. Now, talking features in general aren’t silly, and sometimes – in the case of shows like the Simpsons, Futurama, horror films – they can really add quite a bit to the overall value and fun of action figures. Unfortunately, Lost isn’t one of the licenses where it really makes sense.

While the dialog on Lost is extremely well written (most of the time), it’s not particularly iconic. There are no lines that are repeated at the water cooler the next day, or even more importantly, three years after they’ve been uttered on the show. But had the feature been implemented well, even this lack of iconic statue wouldn’t have been a huge detraction.

Nope, it’s the way a feature that’s already not particularly exciting was implemented that kills it. Rather than being integrated with the diorama in any way, it’s been done as a separate black box, about 3.5 inches square. Pop in your own batteries (no, your $15 – $20 a figure doesn’t get you any cheap AAA batteries) and press a button on top, and it runs through three or four lines from the show. EDIT: Guess what? They DO attach to the bases, in a rather unobvious way. There are two small pegs on the back of each frame, and the underside of the boxes have holes that allow you to attach the box there. After finding this out (thanks to a smarter reader than I), I actually upped the score in this category across the board. However, the general idea of having the talking feature with a dramatic show is still weak, especially considering the additional cost.

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The lines are:

Locke:
“I’ve looked into the eye of this island, and what I saw… was beautiful.”
“Don’t ever tell me what I can’t do! Ever!”
“Do you want to know a secret?”

Jack:
“If we can’t live together, we’re going to die alone.”
“Everybody wants me to be a leader, until I make a decision that they don’t like.”
“There’s something that you need to know… We’re going to have a Locke problem, and I have to know that you’ve got my back.”

Hurley:
“Dude… I’m starving… I’m nowhere near that hungry.”
“Stop! Wait! The numbers are bad!”
“Welcome, to the first… and hopefully last… Island Open.”
He was also orginally supposed to say “You got some… Arzt… on you.”, but that line has been dropped. Too bad, since that was my favorite of the bunch.

The speakers are fairly clear, and most of the lines are intelligible. All of the boxes are identical, so you’ll need batteries in them to tell them apart. All in all, underwhelming is a good word to describe them. The only upside to having the voice boxes as wholly seperate entities is that it makes it all that much easier to drop the idea from future assortments.

Fun Factor – *1/2
While they might be called Mcfarlane “Toys”, these are clearly not toys. These are inexpensive pop culture statues, designed for the adult fan to display at home or work. Now, this score is going to have no bearing on my personal overall, because I knew this going in and didn’t expect anything different, but if you’re looking for super poseable action figures, these aren’t you’re thing.

Value – **
These are going to cost you at least $16 a piece on the cheap side, and that’s too much for a mass market release, even of something that’s really a specialty market toy. The addition of the talking feature and ‘prop replicas’ clearly gave them the option to drive up the price from the usual $10 – $12, but both of these features are uppercase lame. Since most fans are going to want sets (with perhaps the exception of Shannon), they’re looking at a $100 investment, no small potatos.

Things to Watch Out For –
If you’re picking them out at TRU, you should watch the paint application, although I’m betting my problem with Locke is a fluke. Generally, Mcfarlane is quite consistent with the quality of paint work.

Overall – Locke ***1/2; Hurley, Jack ***
Had they dropped the talking feature and the props, and therefore dropped the price accordingly, these guys would have rated another half star higher across the board. In fact, had they done that, this line could have easily been in contention for one of the best of the year. Unfortunatley, this was definitely a case of more is less.

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Mcfarlane has also just released a boxed set of the Hatch, with mini-figures (about 2″ tall) of Kate, Hurley, Lock and Jack. It runs around $30, and you can see a photo here from my SDCC coverage.

The next line up as been announced as Sun, Jin, Ecko, Desmond, Sayid, and Sawyer, and is due out next May.

Scoring Recap:
Packaging – ***
Sculpt – Locke ****; Jack, Hurley ***
Paint – Jack, Hurley ****; Locke ***
Articulation – Locke, Jack *1/2; Hurley *
Accessories – Locke **1/2; Hurley, Jack **
Talking Feature – ***
Fun Factor – *1/2
Value – **
Overall – Locke ***1/2; Hurley, Jack ***

Where to Buy –
I’m assuming some other brick and mortar retailers will eventually get these in, but right now Toys R Us is the place to find them locally. Online options include:

Amazing Toyz has the singles for $15 – $17, but are selling out fast. The full set is $80. They also have preorders up for wave 2.

CornerStoreComics has the set at $85, and the singles for 415 – $17 as well, along with series 2 pre-orders.

Alter Ego Comics has them for $16 each.

Killer Toys has the set of six for $83.

Clark Toys has the singles for $17, the set for $85, or a case of 12 for $155. They also have preorders already up for series 2.

Time and Space Toys has the set for $95, plus they carry the cool Lost puzzles.

Related Links:
Obviously, you’ll want to check out my review of the other three figures, Shannon, Kate and Charlie, but don’t forget there’s also the very cool Lost puzzles that I reviewed here a few weeks ago.

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 12/12/2006

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:11 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • How not to slingshot your drunk friend… (Thingamabob)
  • Genndy Tartakovsky animates Nicorette… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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QSE News: 12/12/2006

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:46 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgAcclaimed actress and Hyperthyroidism sufferer, Tori Spelling, garnered her most successful career move to date this weekend when she staged a giant yard sale at her Studio City home.  Hundreds of “fans” gathered to snatch up such “Spelling-licious” items as wine glasses, lingerie and a large, dusty, cardboard box labeled “Daddy’s Love.”
  • Columbia Pictures and Sam Raimi have secured the rights to produce a new film based on the pulp hero The Shadow. To update the character into the modern age, executives at Columbia sent a memo to Raimi urging him to consider changing the “look” of the character by dressing him in a “blue and red body-suit.”  The memo also stated that the studio “REALLY wants The Shadow to have the ability to shoot a “˜web-like’ substance from holes in his wrists.”
  • In a continuing effort to shy away from anything offensive, producers of this season’s Super Bowl have announced that Prince will be performing during the hallowed Half Time Show.  Prince has said that he will play a variety of songs from his catalog and looks forward to making the game’s large male audience “question their sexuality even more than watching men run around in tight pants and patting each other on the butt does.”
  • Actor Lou Diamond Phillips has pleaded “no contest” to charges of domestic violence.  Ironically, this event marks the first time since the film Young Guns that Phillips and the word “hit” have been mentioned in the same breath.
  • And finally, one of Japan’s most famous female stars has published a tell-all book that has all of Japan talking. In it, Mariko Ishihara tells of her sexual exploits, reveals some tawdry secrets of the Japanese entertainment industry and even “names names.”  Considering this book has fired up the country that gave the world Bukaki and the “used panty” vending machine, it just became the QSE “must have” gift of the season.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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December 11, 2006

Nocturnal Admissions: DVD Review Alias: The Complete Fifth Season

Filed under: Columns,Nocturnal Admissions — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:25 am
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All good things eventually come to an end, as they say, and so did Alias, in a somewhat shorted fifth season, bid farewell to its fans, both legion and seasonally confused. The boxed set of Season 5 is now available (it hit the street on November 21, 2006, for $39.95), and it also comes as part of a complete series box set which features supplementary material not available elsewhere.

Birds

To answer the question of what went wrong with Alias you have to first affirm what was right about it. It’s initial season was exciting and sexy, with a slightly boggling but intriguing multi-layer premise (Sydney Bristol as a spy within a spy). The second season was more of the same, but resolved a number of situations, and destroyed the secret evil organization with the CIA, SD-6, only to do something surely unique in episodic television: create a season ender that leaps two whole years into the future ( Battlestar Galactica did something similar at the end of its previous season). This was a prelude to a third season in which creator J. J. Abrams was suppose to solve all the “problems” of the show, which were essentially issues of repetitiveness, water treading, the sluggishness of the Rambaldi stuff, and too much confusion: no one could just “drop in” on Alias, and in that regard it more resembled an HBO show than a regular prime time network program. Season three imposed more impediments between Sydney and her former control, Michael Vaughn, i.e., he got married to someone else, who proved to be an undercover agent (replicating a situation that happened to Sydney’s dad), while she becomes an agent for a conventional CIA, battling The Covenant.

Crash

Then, like many TV shows, Alias, after making many, many changes and introducing and then disposing of numerous characters while taking many new and different directions, ended up right where it began, with Sydney working for a covert division within the CIA led by the vile Arvin Sloan, who had killed someone close to practically everyone who now worked for him again. THough few people are actually killed in Alias; they usually manage to come back somehow, including Michael, who we see at the end of season four getting smashed by a truck.

Character-adding got out of control, and so in the middle of season five, while Sydney and the team were pursuing Project 5, ABC pulled the plug. The show took a hiatus in winter, and came back to wrap up all its story threads in a 19-episode season. This amounted to clearing up tangled messes caused by some of the new characters and finding a deeply satisfying “demise” for arch villain Sloan. In a coda, one reminiscent of Kill Bill, the show jumps into the future yet again, and catches up with a final quartet of characters.

Title

You can actually track the rise and fall of the show through its credit sequence, one of the most popular in TV history. Alias has one of those theme tunes that make you want to leap up and dance to it (like the one at both the beginning and end of MST3K). The first credit sequence was a triumph of catchy yet ominous music and graphic design. Magically it embodied the sharpness of the show. But with the fourth season Alias offered up a truncated theme song and added images of Jennifer Garner in a succession of her trademark costume changes and disguises. It’s true that Garner is the heart of her show (it must be disconcerting for male actors to work across from someone who has better bone structure than they do), but this addition seemed both pandering and soulless. The final season had a credit sequence that tried to squeeze in images of all the cast with even more dubious results.

Still there are many pleasures to be hand in the final season, mostly to do with Sydney and her relationship with her father. And the Rambaldi material is finally wrapped up (which isn’t to say that it is cleared up).
Buena Vista Home Entertainment does its usual job with the season, offering up the shows in excellent transfers (in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen) that look better than the TV broadcasts and great sound.

Supplements are relatively modest, but for a reason we’ll get to in a second. There are four commentaries, over the episodes “Prophet Five” (with director Ken Olin, Producer Jeff Pinker and Sydney’s dad, Victor Garber), “Bob” (with writers Monica Breen and Alison Schnapker and cast members David Anders and newcomer Rachel Nichols), “The Horizon” (writers Josh Applebaum and Andre Nemec, along with the episode’s director Tucker Gates), and “There’s Only One Sydney Bristow” (in a novelty yak track featuring the Alias set’s production assistants).

Abrams

The fourth disc has the bulk of the video supplements. They kick off with “Behind the Scenes at the 100th Episode, which shows making of bits plus footage at the cast and crew “birthday” party. This is followed by “The Legend of Rambaldi,” which starts out as a parody of a History Channel segment before devolving into video interviews with cast and crew about their favorite Rambaldi artifacts. “The New Recruit: On Set With Rachel Nichols” interviews the young actress, while “Heightening the Drama: The Music of Alias,” profiles composer Michael Giacchino. Finally, there is a bloopers reel. All of these segments last about seven to 10 minutes.Those Alias fanatics who made the mistake of buying the season sets as they came must be kicking themselves a the advent of the complete season box set. It’s notable for a single disc of extras called “Endgame.” Among its unique featurettes are “Case Closed: A Look Back at Five Years of Alias,” “Alias Time Capsule: The Pilot Interviews,” “Forty-Seven,” “Axis of Evil,” some deleted scenes, a cover gallery for Alias Magazine, and a small hardcover book about the show’s mythology. Naturally, this disc (which I haven’t seen, only read about) comes only with the boxed set.

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