Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• Acclaimed actress and Hyperthyroidism sufferer, Tori Spelling, garnered her most successful career move to date this weekend when she staged a giant yard sale at her Studio City home.  Hundreds of “fans” gathered to snatch up such “Spelling-licious” items as wine glasses, lingerie and a large, dusty, cardboard box labeled “Daddy’s Love.”

• Columbia Pictures and Sam Raimi have secured the rights to produce a new film based on the pulp hero The Shadow. To update the character into the modern age, executives at Columbia sent a memo to Raimi urging him to consider changing the “look” of the character by dressing him in a “blue and red body-suit.”  The memo also stated that the studio “REALLY wants The Shadow to have the ability to shoot a ‘web-like’ substance from holes in his wrists.”

• In a continuing effort to shy away from anything offensive, producers of this season’s Super Bowl have announced that Prince will be performing during the hallowed Half Time Show.  Prince has said that he will play a variety of songs from his catalog and looks forward to making the game’s large male audience “question their sexuality even more than watching men run around in tight pants and patting each other on the butt does.”

• Actor Lou Diamond Phillips has pleaded “no contest” to charges of domestic violence.  Ironically, this event marks the first time since the film Young Guns that Phillips and the word “hit” have been mentioned in the same breath.

• And finally, one of Japan’s most famous female stars has published a tell-all book that has all of Japan talking. In it, Mariko Ishihara tells of her sexual exploits, reveals some tawdry secrets of the Japanese entertainment industry and even “names names.”  Considering this book has fired up the country that gave the world Bukaki and the “used panty” vending machine, it just became the QSE “must have” gift of the season.

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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