March « 2007 « FRED Entertainment

March 22, 2007

Music For The Masses: 3/22/07

Filed under: Columns,Music for the Masses — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:43 am

Happy Thursday, everybody and hang in there”¦the week’s almost over!!! Welcome again to my (by which, I mean, Mr. Smith’s) little slice of the “internets,” a slice that we like to call Music for the Masses. How ya’ll doing? Well, I hope. Me? Why, I’m doing better than Brittany or Lindsay in re-hab, by which I mean, I still have my hair, my skivvies and my dignity. However, I must admit, I am a bit concerned that my body appears to be rebelling against my latest bout of “partying” by taking this innocuous, seasonally-colored beverage”¦

green 3-22-07

Shane McGowan’s breakfast”¦ lunch”¦ dinner”¦ snack”¦

“¦converting it quickly to piss by a process I think the scientific community calls “piss-mosis,” and forcing my body to rapidly expel it in mighty, prolonged bursts like this…

piss 3-22-07

Tell me the truth, friends”¦ do you think it’s a problem that I’m still pissing green almost a week after St. Patrick’s day? Seriously. I’m scarred about this colored, explosive piss-thing and a bit un-nerved that I’m getting solicitations, now, from the Bellagio in Vegas to be a part of their “Fountain ShowÂ©.” I’m even more un-nerved that I’m actually contemplating taking the gig. Well”¦whatever. Tell you this, though, and you can take it to the bank”¦ that is the LAST time I drink green beer on St. Patty’s day AND get serviced at a $10 Glory Hole in an inter-state truck stop.

But enough about all that, cherished friends, for we have some sweet new music to check out. This week, we have a review of the cheery new release from Modest Mouse, We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank, Double A checks in with the latest from Hieroglyphics and J.D. graces us with his presence.

Sound like fun? Well, hows about we find out?

Artist: Modest Mouse

Album: We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank

Sounds Like: A band that I should have been paying a hell of a lot more attention to instead of surfing the net for nude pictures of Jodie Sweetin from Full House”¦after she grew up, you sick fucks.

I’m going to be perfectly honest with you people. Up until I sat down to whip up this “review,” I didn’t know a whole hell of a lot about Modest Mouse. Sure, I’d heard of them. I remember that song “Float On,” I remember hearing that the lead singer, Isaac Brock, is a shitty drunk and that the man-god, Johnny Marr, had joined the band. But outside of those meager details, I didn’t know jack shit about these guys. So”¦I did what any person in that position would do and broke out the computer for a little research. Four hours later, dehydrated and nursing a sore wrist from viewing Malaysian Monkey porn, I entered “Modest Mouse” in the old, faithful search engine and here’s what I learned:

For starters, did you know that you can get banned for life from Disney LandÂ® for being an “Immodest Mouse?”

wow 3-22-07

If you listen close enough, you can hear Walt’s head crying little, frozen tears.

How about fans of Eek-A-Mouse being almost twice as likely as other reggae fans to be caught boarding a plane with a baggie of Jamaican Haze shoved up their ass? Talk about some stinky bud!! HEY OH!!

eek

Did you just pull dat weed out your ass, mon?

And, after chasing down some Mighty Mouse links for another idea I had, I discovered that I actually have a strong, sexual attraction to anthropomorphic mice chicks. Isn’t self-discovery fun?

mighty 3-22-07

“Here I Come”¦”

Don’t get me wrong, I mean I still love bustin’ nut to the Betty Rubbles and Kim Possibles of the cartoon world, but now, as far as I’m concerned, nothing, and I mean nothing, can beat (no pun intended) a smokin’ pair of hot little mouse titties.

chickmouse

Mmm, hmm”¦ that’s what I’m talking about. Now bend over and squeak for me.

Of course, I learned a bunch of shit about Modest Mouse, the Issaquah, Washington-based band that has been belting out alt rock since 1994 (See, learned that shit there, I did!), too, such as they have a distinct dislike for Dead Heads, Blender Magazine named them as one of the “25 Reasons to Love 2007” and Isaac Brock has a 3 nipples and an un-descended right testicle”¦okay, the last one came from some douche bag’s blog, so take it for what it’s worth. But, hands down, the most important thing I discovered about this band is that I absolutely LOVE this latest disc of theirs, We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank. Seriously. In fact, if it had a fuck-able orifice, I’d marry it. Let’s see them pull THAT quote and slap it on the front of the disc!

gap 3-22-07

When Gap ads go bad.

The thing I like most about this new disc, that je ne sais quoi, if you will, is the unmistakable and prevailing “fuck you” attitude. Isaac Brock is one pissed off dude (at radio stations, the fans that called him a “sell-out” after the success of “Float On” and life, in general) and he wants you to know about it. That’s why it was such a brilliant move to bring in Johnny Marr to “lay down the happy” under Brock’s tortured, and mostly non-sensical lyrics. Hell, Marr was doing the same thing with Morrisey back when Brock was still pissing his PampersÂ® and sniffing glue behind the local Shop’n Go”¦ or something like that. Of course, it would have been nice to have something on this album that screams “Holy Statutory, Batman! That’s Johnny Marr!,” but that’s me just being a picky bitch.

marr 3-22-07

Quirky and purposefully dense bands like Modest Mouse live and die by their ability to weave melodies and hooks into the bizarre tapestry of their music and, in that regard, Modest Mouse is living “high on the hog” with this disc. Case in point, the discs opener, “March Into The Sea,” starts as an off-kilter, jarring and bombastic romp but by the time the chorus hits, BAM!!…you have a nice little melody. 30 seconds later”¦ BAM!!… your back wading through shit. However, by the second track, with its Franz Ferdinand earnestness, Brock and gang hit their stride and string together some of the tightest, most interesting and entertaining tracks that I have heard on a disc since Kidz Bop 9. Way to go, kids!!! That mother fucker was off the hook!!!

The fact that albums like this exist is proof to me there is no God. This and Sanjaya from American Idol.

Again, there is not a weak track on this baby, but the album highlights for me are the tracks “Parting of the Sensory,” which sounds like it’s being sung by Mr. Garrison from South Park before devolving into an Irish folk stomp, the sure fire hit “Florida” that features some really cool backing vocals from the Shins James Mercer and the moody and slowly simmering “Little Motels.” This is a top shelf disc, folks, and I honestly can’t recommend it highly enough.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and do a little more research on whether or not you get banned for life from Disney LandÂ® for doing this”¦

mickeyballs

In case you ever wondered why his voice is so high.

hung5-m4m

hiero 3-22-07

I’m going to confess something here, and I hope you all don’t get too upset. This album, Hieroglyphics Over Time, has absolutely nothing to do with the Wu-Tang Clan. I know, I was as shocked as you. Never fear though, next week I should be back with the brand new album from Redman, so you’ll be able to get your Tang fix then. Now, back to the subject at hand. Over Time was somewhat of a surprise to me, as I didn’t know that it was coming out. Hieroglyphics is a group of rappers that I really don’t know much about. I do know though that one of my favorite rappers, Del the Funky Homosapien, is a member of the group and that in and of itself was enough to get me excited about this album. I gotta admit, even though this isn’t a Wu-Tang project, this is a damn fine album. I do have a few gripes, but we’ll get into that a bit later.

For an album that is a B-sides/ unreleased/ remix collection, every song on this album is good, and I can honestly say that there are no tracks that I automatically reach for the “skip” button. The thing about Del, and the rest of the Hieroglyphics crew, is that the raps just seem smarter. You don’t get the typical raps about fuckin’ bitches and poppin’ caps in punk asses. I’m not saying that those are bad topics for rap songs, it’s just refreshing to hear something new and different. Del is one of the most original rappers out there, and he shows it on the rhymes that he spits on this album. Picking the best song on this album would be like trying to decide which one of your short and curly hairs to pluck out first. You don’t want to have to do it, so anyone you pick is just as good as the one next to it. Off the top of my head, if you’re looking to sample some songs from this album, I’d say give a listen to “Soundscience” from the Souls of Mischief and “Battle of the Shadow” from Del and APlus.

del 3-22-07

My one and only gripe for this album comes on the remix for the Del song “Phoney Phranchise.” The song itself is great and sounds a lot better than the original, but as I was listening to it I noticed something. The damn song is edited. What the fuck is up with that? I call bullshit. There is no reason that this song should be edited as every other fuck and shit on the album is there in its full, four letter glory. It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

It’s good to see a “new” release that includes Del, and this album only makes me want his long awaited cd 11^th Hour even more. Hopefully it will see release at some point this year. In the meantime, do yourself a favor and pick this album up.

flava5-m4m

chair 3-22-07

Reverb… with J.D.

If you read last week’s MFTM, you know that MC called me on the proverbial carpet for leaving him hanging with no Reverb. It’s true, but I had a good excuse”¦involving booze and a blonde, buxom waitress who used to be a flight attendant for TWA. I’m not even kidding–T.W. F*ckin’ A!! So ultimately I called him up and said (in my best Spicoli voice) “Sorry, Mr. Hand, I just couldn’t make it to class.”

spic

JD had a gnarly excuse for missing last week’s column

Now, chances are half of you don’t know who Spicoli is”¦or maybe even what TWA is for that matter. A reader who called himself only “N8 Dogg” wrote to me after my Patrick Swayze column saying, “Dude, cut it out with the 80’s references already. Nobody cares about your stupid nostalgia for that lame-ass decade.” And as much as that stung, I know that N8’s got a good point. These are the Double Oughts, after all! So just for him I started wearing my jeans around my ass with my hat cocked sideways, and I began experimenting with ‘cutting’ myself – to let out the pain, of course, but also to get in touch with today’s generation (As it turns out, cutting is actually a lot more fun, and less dangerous, than our 80’s release/pastime of hanging ourselves with a belt while masturbating…kids are just so much smarter these days!)

ass

Catching Up With Modern Fashion

AND, to top it all off I recently went out and saw one of those ‘Modern Rock’ bands – Snow Patrol – that the youngsters love so much these days. When I first got the invite to go to this show, I got really excited because I thought it was Taylor Hicks’ band”¦talk about a chance to view the world through the eyes of a young hipster! Alas, as it turns out the name of that band is “Soul Patrol,” and my ‘American Idol’ aspirations were dashed.

snow

Wrong Band Name, But This One’s Just For You, N8 Dogg

Nonetheless, I was still excited for the concert”¦.it was reportedly Sold Out that night, and at a cool venue here in Denver (The Fillmore Auditorium). Plus, I didn’t know any of their music and was eager to see what the fuss was all about, as well as to see the accompanying ‘scene.’ I must admit though, I was halfway anticipating a suck-a** show, based solely upon the band’s lame name. Because sometimes you can just tell that a band is a pukey, flash-in-the-pan just by their name, can’t you? Think “Fastball” for instance. You knew they were never going to have a hit again. Same with “Brad,” and more recently”¦”Fall Out Boy” (Anyone who disagrees with me regarding these last-mentioned douche bags, I’ll take $20 bets that they aren’t doing sh*t in five years. Who want’s some action??)

fallout

On Tour Now: Fall Out Boy, sponsored by Massengill!

Anyway, Snow Patrol met my expectations in some cases, and exceeded them in others. I figured the crowd would be amped for their hits, and disengaged during the rest of the filler. Which was essentially true”¦you could tell people were waiting around for the five or so ‘big’ songs by the band. But the weird thing was that the crowd was essentially disengaged even during the hit songs. For the duration of the show, there was very little dancing, fist pumping, or even palpable excitement shown by the crowd.

I also expected that most of the music would sound the same”¦the local ‘modern rock’ station that was promoting the show refers to itself as “Area 93.3” (ooooooooh”¦”¦radical!) and most of the sh*t they play sounds exactly the same. Heavy guitar riffs and trumped-up angst sung in monotone voices rule the airwaves”¦.it’s quite depressing. And while it’s true that most of Snow Patrol’s songs sounded exactly like the ones that preceded it, it was clear from the outset that this band has some real musical chops. In fact, a majority of the songs flat out rocked”¦which made the crowd’s lack of enthusiasm all the more puzzling.

When it was all said and done, I was glad to learn that I had generally underestimated Soul Patrol. They put on a solid show, if not one that I would necessarily clamor to see again. But all in all, it was a nice foray into the younger generation’s scene. So thanks for having me, kids! I’d stick around, but I’ve got to get going now. I’ve got a double date tonight”¦with a TWA stewardess and a belt.

auto

Autoerotic Asphyxiation: It’s Not for Kids!

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

NEW MUSIC RELEASES”¦ 3/27/07

ARTIST	TITLE	GENRE
FILTHY THIEVING BASTARDS	I’m A Son Of A Gun	ALT
ANTELOPE	Reflector	ALT
LET’S GO SAILING	The Chaos In Order	ALT
POKEMON	Pokemon X – Ten Years Of Pokemon	CHILD
GOOD CHARLOTTE	Good Morning Revival	N/A
EVERYTHING AT ONCE	Everything At Once	POP
GOJIRA	The Link	POP
GRANT-LEE PHILLIPS	Strangelet	POP
MIKA	Life In Cartoon Motion	POP
TIMBALAND	Timbaland Presents Shock Value	POP
TODD CAREY	Watching Waiting	POP
TOUSSAINT MCCALL	Nothing Takes The Place Of You	POP
HEATMAKERZ	The Rush	RAP
J RAWLS & DECLAIME	It’s The Dank & Jammy Show	RAP
J. FLEXX	Billboard Dreams	RAP
KILLAH PRIEST	The Offering	RAP
MESSY MARV / MITCHY SLICK	Messy Slick	RAP
OMNI	Batterie	RAP
PRODIGY	Return Of The Mac	RAP
SPANISH FLY	Crimes Of Agony	RAP
THA DOGG POUND	Dogg Chit	RAP
THES ONE	Lifestyle Marketing	RAP
BRIAN AUGER	Reinforcements	ROCK
CHE ARTHUR	Iron	ROCK
CLUTCH	From Beale Street To Oblivion	ROCK
DAPHNE LOVES DERBY	Good Night, Witness Light	ROCK
KLAXONS	Myths Of The Near Future	ROCK
MACHINE HEAD	The Blackening	ROCK
MADINA LAKE	From Them , Through Us, To You	ROCK
NIGHT KILLS THE DAY	The Study Of Man	ROCK
HACRIDE	Amoeba	POP
KAZZER	Broke	POP
KOLDBORN	The Uncanny Valley	POP
PRETTY THINGS, The	The Pretty Things	POP
RUBINOOS, THE	Everything You Ever Wanted	POP
SHINER	Making Love	POP
STERNS, THE	Sinners Stick Together	POP

Well, there you have it, my friends. Have a good one and we’ll see you next week. Until then, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!!

Send photos of your favorite cartoon babe, review copies, assorted hate mail and sundry presents to:

M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

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Keneteph’s Corner: Fathers Of The Nether Beasts

Filed under: Columns,Keneteph's Korner — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:09 am

Fathers of the Nether Beasts

The rules have changed for filmmaking and filmmakers are now achieving success in their own hometown. People no longer have to move to Hollywood, or New York as a sure shot of “making it” in the entertainment business. Arizona filmmakers Brian and Dean Ronalds formed Ronalds Brothers Productions as a means to make and release their own films. Me being an Arizona resident, I was inspired to interview these two because they continue to do what they love – making movies – while feeling no pressure to move to Hollywood.

Their most recent film, Nether Beast Incorporated, stars View Askew’s own Jason Mewes, and also Steve Burns, the original host of the children’s’ show Blues Clues. Kevin Smith blogged about this movie last November, and now Quick Stop Entertainment brings you the inside scoop on the film and its creators in this interview.

THAAHUM: How did you guys get your start making films?

RONALDS BROTHERS: We’ve have been involved in the entertainment industry for the past 20 years. Growing up in Los Angeles, Albuquerque, and Littleton, we were able to perform onstage and in front of a camera at our schools, dinner theatres and local broadcasting companies.

THAAHUM: Do you guys specialize in one type of genre or different kinds?

RONALDS BROTHERS: Our first short we produced, “When Dark Falls” was a 12 minute Horror flick, then we did a Crime Drama, “Bounty” in Denver, shot a 22 minute War short titled “A.W.O.L.”, we did another 3 minute Horror short, “SPLiT”, then we shot a 17 minute Drama, “Portrait”, and then we moved into comedies with the shorts, “The Netherbeast of Berm-Tech Industries, Inc.”(6 minutes) and “Little Victim” starring Robert Wagner and Lori Singer.

Dean and Brian Ronalds

THAAHUM: Who are your influences?

RONALDS BROTHERS: Directors ~ Mel Brooks, Neil Simon, Jim Jarmusch, Alfred Hitchcock, Actors ~ Gene Wilder, Tim Curry, Jimmy Stewart, Tom Hanks, Mike Myers.

THAAHUM: Tell us about your current project?

RONALDS BROTHERS: Nether Beast is based on the award-winning short The Netherbeast of Berm-Tech Industries, Inc., which took Best Screenplay at the London International Festival of Science Fiction and Fantastic Film; Best Comedy Short at Filmstock; Best Comedy Short at the Long Island Film Expo and at the Toofy Film Festival; and was the Micro Short Hall of Fame Winner at the International Horror and Sci-Fi Film Festival, among other awards and rave reviews. Both of us were named Best Arizona Filmmakers of the Year at the 2005 Phoenix Film Festival. Nether Beast is our feature film debut.

THAAHUM: What was it like working with everybody, especially Jason Mewes?

RONALDS BROTHERS: It was killer working with so many great folks. Steve Burns is so easy going, Judd Nelson is like a walking, talking encyclopedia, Dave Foley doesn’t have a non-funny bone in his body, Amy Davidson is as sweet as they come, Darrell Hammond was caring and supportive, Robert Wagner as always was a gentleman and a scholar, and then there’s Mewes. Mewes was on time and ready to go everyday. It was like hanging out with the homies when he was on set. Off set, he was very personable. We both have 4 year olds who took a liking to Mewes. He played with them and joked around with the little ones. Late one night after we wrapped for the day, Me, Dean, Steve Burns and Mewes were hanging out in the pool. We all decided to have a “Pool Olympics” by seeing who could swim the fastest and the furthest while holding our breaths under water. Mewes won. We then proceeded to see who could do more under water flips in one breath. Mewes won with 7. The dude is one athletic MoFo. Jason was a pleasure on and off the set and we think you’ll like his take on Waxy Dan. It’s definitely different then anything you’ve seen him do before!

Steve Burns, Jason Mewes, and Dave Foley on the set

THAAHUM: Has Nether Beast shown at any film festivals?

RONALDS BROTHERS: Not Yet. We’re scheduled for:

WORLD PREMIERE
AFI DALLAS INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL
March 30th and 31st at the Landmark Magnolia Theatre
for more info go to www.afidallas.com

WEST COAST PREMIERE
10th ANNIVERSARY SONOMA VALLEY FILM FESTIVAL
April 12th and 13th
for more info go to www.sonomafilmfest.org

ARIZONA PREMIERE
2007 PHOENIX FILM FESTIVAL
April 14th and 15th at the CineCapri in Scottsdale
for more info go to www.phoenixfilmfestival.com

THAAHUM: What has the response been?

RONALDS BROTHERS: So far, we’ve done small test screenings and the response has been very positive.

THAAHUM: Now I read you prefer to stay here in AZ to make movies, which goes against the grain of those who move to LA or NY to make their films. What made you choose to stay here to continue your filmmaking career?

RONALDS BROTHERS: As filmmakers, if you have an idea and a camera, it’s movie makin’ time whether your in Greeley, Colorado or Albuquerque, New Mexico!

THAAHUM: How do you think things are changing for aspiring artist to have success with their craft in their hometown?

RONALDS BROTHERS: One word. Technology. If you have a drive and willingness to follow through on what you say and dream, you can make things happen wherever you’re at!

Steve Burns & Jason Mewes with Leif Ronalds (Brian’sSon), loungin’ after a shoot.

THAAHUM: Where can people find out more information on the film?

RONALDS BROTHERS: www.netherbeast.com, http://www.myspace.com/netherbeast, http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=netherbeastmovie

THAAHUM: What are your future goals and aspiration?

RONALDS BROTHERS: We’re currently working with writer Bruce Dellis, Executive Producers Kevin Berman, F. Miguel Valenti, Chris and Rodney Rothert, and Dan Wilhoit on our next Feature Comedy, to be shot Fall 2007.

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Nocturnal Admissions: Book Review – In The Studio

Filed under: Columns,Nocturnal Admissions,Reviews — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:09 am

There’s breaking news in Todd Hignite’s In the Studio: Visits with Contemporary Cartoonists (Yale University Press, 320 pages, $29.95, ISBN 978-0300110166). The news appears in the first chapter, dedicated to Robert Crumb (does anyone call him “R .” anymore?) and concerns Crumb’s forthcoming comic book version of Book of Genesis, to be published by Norton.

Hignite’s interview took place June 28th, 2005 at Crumb’s studio in a village in rural Southeastern France (the name of the village is buried in the book but generally Crumb doesn’t like journalists to publicize it). Crumb announces to interviewer Hignite that he plans to do a literal version of the book, and Hignite reprints some sketches of the volume, the world’s first look at Crumb’s Genesis.

At that time, Crumb had only done the first four pages of the book (!), and was still breaking it down. But he predicted that drawing the Book of Genesis would take years, and that he intended to do a literal version, not clean it up for modern readers. For example, Genesis repeats itself by offering two different versions of the Creation story, so Crumb will dutifully follow suit. As he talks about the Bible, Crumb sounds like a thoughtful scholar weighing this or that influence on elements of Genesis, not the trend-setting cartoonist of the late 1960s who showed nuns chopping off penises.

I’d heard through the grapevine that Crumb had gone into seclusion to finish Genesis, and it is a now well known fact that Crumb doesn’t like giving interviews (the last formal interview he did was way back in 1999 for the L. A. Weekly, and appears at the end of my anthology, Robert Crumb: Conversations), but the next thing I know he is all over NPR and the British newspapers publicizing his new book, The Sweeter Side of R. Crumb in conjunction with his wife Aline’s new book, Need More Love: A Graphic Memoir, both from M Q Publications. Now comes this important and enjoyable book, which also contains interviews with Art Spiegelman, Chris Ware, Gary Panter, Charles Burns, Daniel Clowes, Seth, Ivan Brunetti, and Jaime Hernandez. The physical book itself honors the artists and their art, coming on thick glossy paper filled with gorgeous illustrations, not only of the work of the artists themselves but of the copious illustrators and the “detritus” of the culture who influenced them.

Todd Hignite is the editor of the high quality, beautifully designed journal Comic Art, which takes the world of comic strips seriously and spans all eras of the art form. Be it the Mexican poster art of Ernesto Cabral, the history and influence of Kerry Drake, of the brief benighted career of underground cartoonist Rory Hayes, Comic Art treats them as if they were all major contributions to the culture, not disreputable crude throwaway artifacts. If it weren’t for the copious and delightful illustrations you’d think you were reading The Journal of American Literature. Some of the interviews printed in In the Studio first appeared in Comic Art. Every single one of them is fascinating (though I’d like to particularly recommend Burns and Spigelman for special attention because they are also, like Crumb, long students of the comic book). Though Hignite doesn’t spur his cartoonists to go into too much detail about their creative process, despite the book’s title, his interviews nevertheless offer expansive background on the comics and art that influenced them.

In his interview, Crumb doesn’t go into much detail as to why he is pursing Genesis, but Crumb did admit in his Coffee Table Book that he believes in everything, be it UFOs or Big Foot, and an interest in the first book of the Bible may be a return to his Catholic roots, which caused him much fretfulness when he was a kid debating ethical situations with his brother and friends.

The interview is very interesting in pointing out a key difference between Crumb and other cartoonists, especially those drawn to superhero stories. Friends of his are superhero fans and not as much into the humor comics that he liked as a kid. “It’s almost a different kid of nervous system that dictates it, a neurological difference. The kind of kids who liked superheroes wanted to be superheroes or emulate that, see themselves in that role or something. Some kind of Boy Scout thing.” Superhero buffs are much more prevalent than the funny animal fans, and so even within the outsider status of comic book fandom Crumb is doubly an outsider. The superhero fans are probably much more extroverted, while the funny animal fans are perhaps more introverted and yet paradoxically more literary as well as more attuned to comic book heritage. Crumb’s appreciation for the intricacies of Carl Barks’s Donald Duck comics shows an awareness of beauty within disposable art, and Crumb’s appreciation of it is itself kind of beautiful.

Though Crumb can repeat himself in his interviews and comics, Hignite manages that most remarkable thing, getting the venerable artist to speak eloquently with fresh ideas and observations.

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QSE News: 3/22/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:03 am

Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

Tom Cruise has signed on to star in director Bryan Singer’s untitled WW2 movie. While little is known about the plot of the movie, Singer did reveal that it is based on a true story.Â Cruise will play a soldier who brain washes a hot actress, forces her to bear his child, and locks her in the basement in order to appease the great Lord Xenu.Â Filming is slated to begin next year.

Both CDs released by the super-group Traveling Wilburys will be re-released after more than 10 years out of print. To celebrate the re-release of the albums, the band is planning a reunion tour that will begin as soon as they can exhume the bodies of band members Roy Orbison, George Harrison and Bob Dylan.

Hilary Duff has come out to the press, saying that she felt pressure to loose weight.Â The 19-year-old singer and actress says that seeing reports on her weight in tabloids led to the feelings that she was getting too fat.Â We here at QSE News want to applaud Miss Duff for finally bringing this issue to the forefront.Â In related news, Thunder-Thighs Duff has recently been cast as Rosie O’Donnell in a new bio-pic.

Charles Harrelson, the father of actor Woody Harrelson, has died of a heart attack.Â The elder Harrelson was in jail at the time of his death, serving two consecutive life sentences in a federal prison.Â Representatives for Woody Harrelson wanted to stress that his father was in jail for murder and not for being responsible for the birth of Woody.

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/22/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:43 am

The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

RIP, Calvert DeForest… Larry “Bud” Melman will be missed… (Thingamabob)

Courtesy of SNL and Jeremy Irons, it’s Looney Tunes Classics… (Thingamabob)

At this point, who doesn’t Carlos Mencia steal from? (Thingamabob)

They have the stars to guide them… (Thingamabob)

And as a final fond farewell, Dave sends Larry “Bud” to get some change… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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March 21, 2007

QSE News: 3/21/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:18 am

Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

Halliburton and Michael Jackson apparently aren’t the only things interested in moving to Dubai. According to Marvel Entertainment, Inc, a new theme park will be built in Dubai featuring many of Marvel’s most popular heroes. The theme park is scheduled to open in 2011 and will be bombed in 2012.

Angelina Jolie is set to star in the comic-adaptation Wanted. Wanted is the story of a man who attempts to take his father’s place as the World’s greatest hitman. Jolie will play an assassin who helps the main character blossom into a cold hearted killer. Jolie is said to be practicing for her role by traveling to foreign countries, murdering innocent people and taking their children.

And in continued Jolie news, protesters are demanding that graphic new ads for the movie Captivity, starring former 24-hot box, Elisha Cuthbert, be pulled from L.A. billboards and N.Y. taxi cab placards.Â The protests are being led by Jolie, who emphatically states that “the advertisements represent a factual representation of her recent adoption activities.”

The three or four remaining fans of Britney Spears will be glad to hear that Spears will be ending her stint in rehab this week after having a “major breakthrough.”Â Unfortunately, we here at QSE feel that we would not be a responsible news organization if we failed to report that her only “breakthrough” has been stubble “breaking through” the skin of her head and pubic region.Â Just thought you should know.

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/21/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:05 am

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Here’s Mark Evanier contextualizing a legendary vaudeville/burlesque bit used by many equally legendary performers… (Thingamabob)

Great Moments In Comic Book History Volume 1: Pirate Batman Throws Down On A Shark… (Thingamabob)

The 1995 Shooting Stars Christmas Special… (Thingamabob)

Canyonero! (Thingamabob)

“The Rock goes on and on and on and on…” (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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March 20, 2007

Toy Box: Plo Koon Mini-Bust

Filed under: Columns,Toy Box — admin @ 3:28 am

When you make a list of all the best Jedi, Mr. Koon probably doesn’t ran in the top 5. Unless you’re his mom. But he was considered an ass kicker even amongst other Jedi, and there’s no doubt he has one Hell of a cool alien appearance. He’s a Kel Dor, and has to wear protective goggles and breather whenever he’s in oxygen rich atmospheres, which in the world of Star Wars is pretty much all the time.

Gentle Giant has finally added him to their Star Wars mini-bust series, in a limited edition run of 4500. Yea, I know – that’s not too limited, but he might just be a cool enough bust to sell through. Expect to pay around $45 for him, and he’s available now.

Gentle Giant Plo Koon mini-bust

Packaging – ***
These use the new dull 30th anniversary colors of gray and black – did I mention that these were dull? However, there’s some good points. There’s a nice window that allows you to see the bust, which is always a plus for me. Also, there’s the usual GG baseball card style Certificate of Authenticity. And of course, the interior foam is designed to keep Plo and his saber nice and safe. So while it’s not perfect, it’s better than average.

Sculpting – ****
The sculpt is extremely well done, with some wonderful skin texture and amazing small detail work on the breather and claws. The robe itself doesn’t have any texturing, which some fans may end up not liking, but it is consistent with other GG mini-busts.

While he’s not quite as impressive as Chewbacca, he certainly ranks up there with Maul and some of the Jedi released previously. Because he has such an interesting face and skin texture, they could get more detail and style in this bust than a more boring human, and they took advantage of it.

If you haven’t picked these up before, they stand around 6″ tall, and they are close to sixth scale from the waist up. Close, but they are a smidge small when compared to something like the Sideshow Star Wars line.

Paint – ***1/2
The paint doesn’t quite rank up there with the sculpt, but it’s still well above average. I was actually a little worried when I saw him through the window of the box, because the paint looked too washed out. However, once I had him out of the box, I was much more impressed.

They used a wash to pull out the cool sculpt of the freaky skin and head, and did some amazing paint work on the finger nails. There’s also a nice range of colors here, both light and dark, that adds some nice pop to the shelf.

All the paint is well applied of course, with clean cuts between colors and no slop whatsoever.

Design – ****
These mini-busts can be tough to design. Jedi’s are men of action, especially Plo Koon, who felt that justice was best served violent. But with only half a body, how do you manage to pull of the perfect pose? This bust answers that question. They did a perfect job with the pose of the arms, head and even the flow of the hood on the back of his robes. This is the best Plo Koon we’ve ever gotten (although the Sideshow 12″ version may end up giving him a run for his money), and fans should be very happy.

Value – ***
Most mini-busts run around $40 to $45 these days, and GG sets the bar for quality in sculpt and paint. Usually. This mini-bust is an excellent example of GG at their best, and as such, gets a better than average value rating.

Things to Watch Out For –
I had a bit of an issue getting the saber together. It’s a very tight fit, which is a good thing due to the angle that he’s holding it at, but you’ll want to use a slow twisting movement to get it to fit the first time.

Overall – ***1/2
This is a great looking bust, and will fit in perfectly with the rest of the series. Of course, only the regular buyers of the GG Star Wars mini-busts is going to pick this guy up – seriously, how many Plo Koon only fans are there? All three of you can write me and complain, but the rest of us know he ain’t no Boba Fett.

Where to Buy –
Online is your best bet, unless your LCS gets these in regularly. Options include:

– Alter Ego Comics has him at $42.49.

– Dark Shadow Collectibles has him in stock at $40.

– Amazing Toyz has him in stock for $43.99.

– CornerStoreComics has him as well for $43.99.

– Hero Hunt has him in at $44.99.

– and for the U.K. readers, there’s always Forbidden Planet, who has him for 32.99 pounds.

Related Links –
I’ve covered a fair share of GG Star Wars busts and statues:

– the most recent was the excellent Chewbie and Darth Maul, the poor Qui-Gon, Palpatine, and Lando in Skiff Disguise.

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Party Favors: Tubbs With A Beard

Filed under: Columns,Joe Corey's Party Favors — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:23 am

ATLANTA – Do you want to contribute to a organization that will offset your carbon footprint? Do you want to feel like you’re doing something good for the environment while you scoot around the globe on your Lear Jet? Do you want to do this by merely scribbling a lot of ones and zeros on a check to clear your conscious?

Don’t think contributing to a wind farm or a solar panel park is going to scrub your soul from the greenhouse effect. Instead you need to send me that check because I’m an offsetting machine. I don’t do too much to be a carbon monster. I work out of my house so I’m not wasting four hours commuting. I do a lot of shopping online so I don’t even burn that much energy going to the mall. My wife complains that I keep the house too cold in the winter and too hot in the summer. I’m your conservation companion. Your money will be going to the best cause in the world – me!

If you sent me over $100,000, I’ll make sure we plant lots of flowers in our three square feet of front lawn. Did you know that a single daisy can reduce the damage caused to the atmosphere by Donald Trump’s methane emissions? The more money you send me, the less I’ll do. I’ll even only exhale half as much. Every little CO cutback counts. If Bill Gates wants to send me $10 million to offset the damage he caused by promoting Vista, I promise to stay in my house an entire week (but not on consecutive days).

You have to send cash because a check means I’ll have to go to the bank and that’ll work against my tiny carbon footprint. Wait, cash would be bad since I’d only want it in twenties and that’s a lot of trees that need to be shredded to create those sweet bills. Best thing to do is send me a gift cards to various stores. Yup. So drop by Target and get me a $10 million gift card, Paul Allen.

Any money raised over the $10 million will be donated to the fund to stop Angelina Jolie from adopting children. Why exactly does this woman really need that many kids to drag through airports? How many arms does Brad Pitt have for baby holding? This is not a low profile family. Each kid gets brazenly exposed to the harsh world of the tabloids. They’re hunted by hundreds of filthy animals with telephoto lenses. Imagine going from a small Vietnamese orphanage to the cover of US Weekly? It’s just not healthy. I feel bad for Shiloh Jolie-Pitt (or is it Pitt-Jolie) since with the latest addition to the family, she’s stuck with another older sibling. Who wants to wake up and discover the new kid has leapfrogged you in the “hand me down” rankings.

STARLITE MEMORIAL

It is with a sad heart that the Party Favors announces the passing of Bob Groves (1952 – 2007). You might not know him, but if you’re a regular reader, you’ll recall the praise heaped upon the Starlite Drive In Theater in Durham, N.C. Bob owned and ran this wonderful place. Last summer I pledged to only see films at the Starlite instead of the major chains. I wanted more than the antiseptic people moving experience of Carmike. The Starlite was joyfully rough and tumble. The asphalt was potholed. Bathrooms were extra cramped. During the day, the place was a gun shop. He had a sign declaring that he wouldn’t sell weapons while the movies were running. Perhaps this was to insure nobody got shot for putting their had in the wrong popcorn bucket. This was an authentic drive in experience and not a Crackerbarrel recreation.

The bliss arrived in the concession stand line when you bit into the hamburgers. It was fresh ground beef – not frozen patties – that they slapped on the grills. Mmmmmmm. When was the last time you looked forward to having dinner at the movie theater? Bob was a great host. And he was always there so I could ask him what was coming up. Last summer there was one film that I had to see at the Starlite: Snakes on a Plane! And he booked it. While Samuel L. Jackson battled the reptiles on the screen, in the sky above we saw passenger jets on their way to nearby RDU International. It was poetic. And a cherished theater going memory.

I found out about Bob’s passing when checking the theater’s website to see if he was running Grindhouse. That double feature screamed Starlite. To see Rose McGowan’s machine gun gam through the steamed up windows….Â The extra sad news is that Bob was the sole owner and operator so the fate of the Drive In is up in the air. Hopefully a fan with more spending cash than me will continue Bob’s good work in the community. Although if I get the $10 million “carbon” cash, I’ll be willing to buy the place. Are Drive-in theaters considered “green friendly?” We aren’t wasting energy to heat and cool a large indoor space.

I will miss Bob Groves. Years from now, people will brag about how they saw movies at the Starlite instead of the multiplex. Here’s hoping that Bob has pulled into heaven’s Drive In and is sharing a corndogs and onion rings with Sam Arkoff and Claudia Jennings.

If you want to know more about Bob Groves, visit: http://www.saveourstarlite.org/index.html.

THE CURE TO WHAT?

Anyone else disturbed that The Secret DVD has a woman claiming that she cured her cancer by watching funny movies? What? David Spade and Rob Schneider can cure cancer? Can the secret in ending this horrible disease lurk in the frames of Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo? She doesn’t even give a complete list of every movie she watched to defy death. That’s just wrong. It’s a frickin’ tease. What does a better job: Monty Python and the Holy Grail or Larry the Cable Guy as The Health Inspector? Can Woody Allen’s Stardust Memory fight back the mutation better than Radio Days?

Does it just have to be a movie? What about reading funny columns on the internet? Can the “Party Favors” cure cancer under The Secret‘s treatment plan? I bet this column could cure cancer better than a dozen screenings of Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights.

DON’T LOOK AT ME

Why is Dennis Hopper telling me about retiring? Here’s a guy who over the years has probably shaved years off peoples’ lives. Do you think anyone survived hanging with Dennis and matching him on drug intake during production on The Last Movie? I don’t think those folks need a retirement plan so much as a treatment for coma recovery.

If anything Dennis Hopper should just be telling us, “How the hell did I live this long?”

Nothing makes those anti-drug PSAs look foolish than Dennis Hopper making commercials. How exactly can we see drugs as leading us to the road to ruins when Dennis Hopper is now in charge of your retirement dreams?

What was the Drug Czar smoking when he signed off on the animated ad with the guy who smokes pot and ignores his talking dog. If your dog talks, you are smoking more than just pot. And if I read the PSA right, this guy could listen to his talking dog if he quit toking? Back way from the bong, Drug Czar.

WHO NEEDS RADIO?

Why are commercials better for discovering music than the radio? I’ve grown addicted to the bouncy ditty behind the HSBC – or is it HBSC? – ad. I don’t even know what this company is called or does because I’m hypnotized by the woman singing. And that woman is Leslie Feist. The band is Feist. And the song is “Gatekeeper” off their Let It Die album. Although I’ve been told the version in the ad is from Open Season, a remix CD. She’s got the swankiest guitar riffs since Max Eider’s Best Kisser In The World. She’s got a voice that should be serenading James Bond during his seduction scene.

Speaking of Bond, EON will be nuts if they don’t cast Ray Stevenson as either Bond’s cohort or foil in the next film. Stevenson is the reason I watch Rome on HBO. He’s got the best bloodlust expression on TV. When his Titus Pullo pulls out the sword, he has the look in his eye that would cause a stuntman to piss in his pants with fear that Ray’s going for the deathblow.

Ray has the same physicality to his performance that Daniel Craig’s delivered in Casino Royale. Even if Ray is the head henchman of the super-villain, when he tangles with Craig, the audience is going to think it’s an even battle on the screen.

CINEMAX AFTER LARK

How can a film called Kinky Kong on Cinemax not star Misty Mundae? And has anyone made a DVDA movie called The Four Riders of the Orifiocalypse?

LICK ‘EM, DANNO

Anyone else addicted to the first season boxset of Hawaii Five-O? Jack Lord storming around the islands with Danno, Chin Ho and Kono has been a constant scene on my TV. What gets me most about the show is the various guest stars. The best was Gavin MacLeod as Big Chicken. Who knew that Captain Stubbing and Murray Slaughter could be the creepiest guy in a tropical jail? The DVD’s clarity brings out the constant sweat covering his bald head. Wonder if Gavin had flashbacks to “The Box” episode when he guest starred on Oz? How would Jack Lord deal with a prison riot with Vern and Chris flipping a coin for his ass?

While watching the Five-Os, I kept having the overwhelming urge to see Jack Lord on a postage stamp. Actually there needs to be a set of TV crime fighters being offered for airmail. Besides Jack Lord, the set should include James Arness,Â William Conrad, Raymond Burr, Dennis Weaver, George Peppard, Telly Savalas and Robert Stack.

Would you not want to stick these men onto your mail? You are probably wonder why there are no women in the list. A person has to be dead to appear on a stamp. Angie Dickinson, Angela Lansbury and Cagney and Lacey haven’t gone to the big booking room in the sky. Neither has Philip Michael Thomas, Richard Roundtree and Cheech Marin. But they can be kept in reserve for future, Great TV crimefighters stamps.

Please join me in my effort to get Jack Lord and other TV crimefighters on our stamps. You can write your plea to:

Citizens’ Stamp Advisory Committee
U.S. Postal Service
475 L’Enfant Plaza, SW
Room 4474EB
Washington, DC 20260-2437

Because of the self-adhesive nature of modern stamps, you won’t be able to lick McGarrett. He’s going to stick to your mail until its delivered.

GIMME THE ROCK

The Basketball Hall of Fame needs to induct Dick Vitale. The man has a passion for calling the game. You can say he’s as annoying as Howard Cosell, but Dickie V doesn’t hide beneath a rug. The man altered the way a sportscaster relates with the fans. Some guys play along with the crowd to make good television. Vitale absorbs the energy of the fans. He’s like a player who gets his second wind from the home crowd stomping out Queen’s “We Will Rock You.”

Because of the crypto-creepy voting method of the Basketball Hall of Fame, it’s hard to plead a case. The fact that Bobby Knight and other great coaches have written testimonials for Vitale should let these gatekeepers understand that Dick has elevated the game with his enthusiasm. Maybe they don’t want to vote him in for fear that Dick’s acceptance speech will go longer than Liz Taylor’s rambling moment at the Golden Globes. Dick needs to promise he’ll keep it down to six hours.

ROLL THE HALL

VH1Classic ran the raw live feed of this year’s Rock N Roll Hall of Fame ceremony for the first time. Who knew this event ran so long? It was like being stuck in the drive-thru lane at Taco Bell. These guys made the Oscars look speedy.

The saddest moment of the night was the induction of Van Halen. Why does the R&RHOF have a boner for Velvet Revolver? Instead of striking a deal for David Lee Roth to come out and rip apart “Jump,” we get these losers destroying “Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love.” Scott Weiland needs to get back on the drugs cause he’s got the twitches. It was so f’n painful to watch. Why did the Hall have to screw us out of Diamond Dave? Did he want a flamethrower, Bridget the Midget and the Donkeyshow? Cause they should have given it to him. Last year Velvet Revolver stunk it up as they inducted the Sex Pistols and they brought them back? And their induction speech sounded like they copied it from the Wikipedia. Only Sammy and Michael Anthony showed up for the hardware. What was the point? Anthony didn’t even bring up his Jack Daniels bass. What should have been a great moment in debauchery turned into a lounge act for Sammy’s Cabo Wabo club.

R.E.M. should still be waiting three more years before getting voted into the club. But at least Eddie Vedder gave a real speech about the band and how they mattered to him. He reminded us what really attracted us to R.E.M. all those years ago – the basic fact that we hadn’t a clue what Michael Stipe was mumbling on Chronic Town. But during Stipe’s long winded list of thank yous, we heard every word. And amazingly enough one name skipped was Jefferson Holt, their old manager. He was the inspiration for the only R.E.M. line that I’m willing to quote: “Jefferson, I think we lost.” It was sweet that during their performance, they stuck to the old stuff and avoided any material that Warners pays $16 million per album to dump into the marketplace.

Patti Smith was a joy to behold on stage. She was so sweet when she talked about her mom’s favorite song and broke into “Rock N Roll Nigger.” That’s my mom’s favorite Patti Smith Group song. A shame on the Hall of Fame for not inducting the complete Patti Smith Group. Without Lenny Kaye, she’s getting into the Poetry Hall of Fame. Plus Lenny put together the Nuggets compilation that brought together the double album of the greatest garage rock of the ’60s. The Hall A-holes put Sammy Hagar into the Hall with Van Halen. Why no love for Lenny? At least R.E.M. and Patti got their jab on the weirdness of the Hall’s voters when they finished the night with the Stooges “I Wanna Be Your Dog.” Why no Iggy, Wennerdog?

Next year better be Todd Rundgren and Iggy Pop, jerks. And the next time I see Velvet Revolver at the ceremony, it better be part of the Groups that Suck and Broke Up montage.

BREAK THIS

Don’t rent National Lampoon’s Spring Break thinking it’s merely 70 minutes of dumb entertainment from the folks who brought you Pledge This and Van Wilder. Instead of just being a low budget dorkfest, it’s merely National Lampoon trying to do a sophisticated Girls Gone Wild. A majority of theÂ exposed breasts in this “documentary” about college kids getting wasted belong to playmate Nikki Ziering. It’s like she’s making an audition tape to take over Julie Strain’s hosting activities. Her boob job looks pretty painful. She really should get them adjusted. They looks like stale Jell-O domes.

Nikki’s boobs have nothing on the softballs inserts on the girl who lifts up her tanktop at the end of the video. They look like twin aliens punching through her chest. You’re never too young to become a plastic surgery disaster.

Most of the co-eds are just seen flaunting their butts in bikinis at National Lampoon sponsored pool parties. The DVD would be good for parents who need an excuse as to why they’re not handing over the AmEx card so Princess can spend a week in Cabo. Do you really want to know how your daughter won that special t-shirt? Can you handle the sight of her popping balloons by dropping onto a guy’s crotch?

Here’s a little warning – no matter how cute you think it is, after a body shot, do not have the girl squirt the lime onto your eyeballs.

OUCH!

Another thing you shouldn’t squirt onto your eyeballs is Tim and Eric’s Awesome Show, Great Job. This is Wonder ShowZen for people who have to copy their mom’s answers when filling out customer surveys. I’m guessing the green screen effects qualifies it as animated enough for Adult Swim, but it’s dead boring. The good news is that this show has allowed Tom Goes to the Mayor to no longer be my least favorite Adult Swim series.

What’s extra sad watching the show is knowing that Bob Odenkirk is behind this project. What happened to Bob? He was great on The Ben Stiller Show. I even forgive him for introducing David Cross to America on Mr. Show since that HBO series was funny. But there is no excuse for Tim and Eric’s Awesome Show. Nobody is going to be cured of a split ends watching this show.

VICE IS NICE

If you drop by the estate over the next few weeks, you will be forced to watch Miami Vice since Best Buy is selling the seasons 3 & 4 boxsets for $50 total. Behold the power of Tubbs with a beard!

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QSE News: 3/20/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:48 am

Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

The Smashing Pumpkins will be performing at the Virgin Festival in Toronto. It remains unconfirmed who exactly makes up the Smashing Pumpkins as, currently, the only two members are Billy Corgan and Jimmy Chamberlin. Some promoters feel that the band could have issues rounding out the line-up because, as one unidentified source stated, “it’s hard to find musicians who are capable of putting up with large amounts of [EXPLETIVE DELETED] from a little, bald control freak.”

Tragedy struck the set of the new TV show Lipstick Jungle as the show’s star, Brooke Shields, became locked in her trailer.Â Apparently Miss Shields became stuck in the trailer when she failed to realize she had to turn the knob and pull on the door for it to open.Â Shields blamed the incident on her post partum depression.

Uma Thurmon and her boyfriend Andre Balazs have split up. Reports from the couple say the split is amicable but was forced when Balazs saw My Super Ex-Girlfriend.

In a historic moment, the TV game show Jeopardy ended in a three way tie. All three answered the Final Jeopardy question which was “A gigantic tool” with the correct answer of “Who is Alex Trebek.”

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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March 19, 2007

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/20/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:46 pm

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Four Yorkshiremen – Harry Enfield, Alan Rickman, Eddie Izzard, & Vic Reeves… (Thingamabob)

Alan Partridge & Clive Anderson, Part 1… (Thingamabob)

Alan Partridge & Clive Anderson, Part 2… (Thingamabob)

Find out the true meaning of “flip-reversing it,” courtsey of Never Mind The Buzzcocks… (Thingamabob)

Laurel & Hardy, en Espanol… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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SModcast 6

Filed under: SModcast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:47 pm

SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.

The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.

SModcast 6: Inverted Nipples –

In which our heroes lament the death of a cinema legend, discuss the dead and other threats to the environment, analyze where billionaire authors’ biggest nut comes from, catch up with Potise while constantly incorrectly referring to Arnold’s as Al’s, reminisce about scholastic achievements, search for insight into an ex-girlfriend’s mother’s motivation in penning a very damning note, and get steamy with tales of teenage heavy petting.

[CONTENT WARNING] SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
SModcast 6 (MP3 format) – 58.47 MB

[display_podcast]

SUBSCRIBE
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Wanna add your two cents? Spend it here, in the SModcast mailbag.

CLICK HERE FOR THE SMODCAST ARCHIVES

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QSE News: 3/19/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:15 am

Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

Cate Blanchett has signed on for the next Indiana Jones movie. Although unconfirmed, Blanchette is expected to voice a playful, funny-talking, all-CGI character.

Phil Spector will finally stand trial for the murder of actress Lana Clarkson, committed almost four years ago. The trial will be shown on live TV and will feature Spector looking totally [EXPLETIVE DELETED] crazy.

Contrary to reports posted last week, Jake Gyllenhaal will not be playing Captain Marvel in an upcoming film. This is good news for the director’s second choice for the role; Richard Simmons.

Michael Bay is attached to direct the film 2012, based on a book by Whitley Strieber. It’s being reported that Bay is asking for a budget of $4.5 billion dollars and is planning on waiting until the year 2012 to begin filming to keep the film “realistic.”

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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March 18, 2007

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/19/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:57 pm

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Heed the 14th Century wisdom of Jacobus… (Thingamabob)

Whatever happened to A. Whitney Brown? I miss him… (Thingamabob)

Vic Reeves & David Walliams on 8 Out Of 10 Cats… (Thingamabob)

You’ll be a dentist, and a success… (Thingamabob)

There’s a new cereal in the neighborhood… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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March 17, 2007

Game On! 3-17-2007: THIS is Sparta…

Filed under: Game On! — admin @ 6:23 pm

So THIS is Sparta. Blood, guts, gore, battles, and violence. Greece was a turbulent place full of myths and legends”¦and with that kind of mythology comes movies, comic books and, of course, video games. This week we’re taking a look at two such games (one of which is based on a movie that’s based on a comic book”¦that’s based on a movie about a legend). Get ready for some hardcore gore, this is just about as violent as it gets.

OH GOD YOU DEVIL

In 2005, Sony released one of its most epic, violent and storied games ever. Now, two years later we finally get a sequel to that tale of revenge and betrayal, and we come to find that there’s more of the same”¦and that’s not a bad thing at all. GOD OF WAR II is bigger, badder, and has more revenge and betrayal in it than you can shake a Barbarian Hammer at.

When last we saw Kratos, the Ghost of Sparta, he had killed Ares and become the new God of War. Now, full of power and a thirst for blood, he leads his Spartan armies to lay waste to the other cities of Greece. The Gods don’t take too kindly to this, and Zeus tricks Kratos into giving up his godly powers. Betrayed, Kratos seeks vengeance upon all the Gods of Olympus (but mainly Zeus), and is aided by the mother of the world, Gaia, to bring down the son of Kronos once and for all.

To say that the game is riddled with mythology is a bit of an understatement. All the familiar characters from High School Mythology Class make an appearance, from Theseus and the Steeds of Time, to the Sister of Fate and their threads, to Icarus, who flew too close to the sun on wax wings”¦and Kratos encounters them all”¦in his own unique fashion.

The gameplay remains mostly the same from the previous title. Kratos uses his Athena Swords to hack, slash, gut, eviscerate and disembowel everything in his path. As he kills, red orbs are collected and used to upgrade his weapons and gain new combo attacks and powers. He also gains new weapons as he quests, such as a giant Barbarian Hammer, a mystic bow, and the Golden Fleece (used to project attacks back at his foes). All the while, the level design shines as the most innovative and epic looking stages not seen in a game since”¦well, since the last God of War.

The timed button sequences have returned as well, where once Kratos has taken a foes life down to a certain point, hitting the circle button triggers a sequence where the player must match button commands on screen in order to take down the enemy once and for all. This time around they seem more intuitive, and definitely a bit more graphic than before. You haven’t lived until you’ve pulled a Cyclops’ eye right out of its foul head.

If there was one complaint I would have with the game, however, is that while everything seems familiar, yet improved in most aspects, the one area that needed refreshing was the enemy character designs. Many foes from the last game are back, and although there are a few new ones, this is one area where I’d like to have seen a whole slew of new baddies, not just an occasional one or two. Still, what’s there is viscous and violent, and there’s plenty of gore to go around.

It’s impossible to talk enough about this game, but this review needs to end somewhere. Let me just leave it to say that if you enjoyed the first game, the second will strengthen your love for the series. While the motive for revenge isn’t as strong as the last time, and there nearly aren’t enough plot twists and reveals as last time, there is still much to be had. A great story, great gameplay and overall great game are here just waiting for you to quest for them.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

GLORY BOUND”¦BUT NOT THERE YET

In the movie 300, the King of Sparta leads his 300 “bodyguards” against an invasion from Xerxes, the God-King and his army of over one hundred thousand strong. Based on the Frank Miller graphic novel, the film has a lush visual style and a graphic nature that lends itself well to the ideal of a video game. Unfortunately, the game we get, 300: MARCH TO GLORY for the PSP, doesn’t quite live up to the standards set by the graphic novel and film.

When watching the film, many sequences will remind viewers of such games as PRINCE OF PERSIA and to a small extent GOD OF WAR. However, the game itself is nothing more than a pale hack and slash effort with some mild innovation. While the visual look of the game mirrors the graphic novel well, the style of the film isn’t captured nearly as well here, and those looking for an extension of the film might be a tad disappointed.

The story follows the film in the same way, beginning at the Hot Gates and fighting the Persians in the nook of the craggy rocks, but all this entails is slashing with your sword, a few shield bashes, and that’s it. There are a few moments when the enemy’s arrows “blot out the sun” and by holding down the L and R buttons, you can tuck tail underneath your shield for shelter, but these are few and far between. There are even a few phalanx sequences, where your army pushes ahead with spears and shields to stop the advance of enemy forces (and Elephants) but something about each gameplay missions feels incomplete.

Maybe it’s the lack of a jump button. In the film, you see Spartans leaping and slashing, attacking with wild abandon and finesse”¦in the game, you just hack, slash, block, repeat. Sure, some sequences from the film are repeated in game graphics”¦but you don’t really control those.

It’s not a horrible game, mind you”¦just a horribly repetitive one. Had the developers taken just a little more time with it (rather than, oh, trying to make a buck with a tie-in) we could have gotten a game on the same level as the film. What we’re left with, however, is just a reminder that we’d rather watch the movie.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

Well kids, that’s it for this week. The new releases are starting to pick up again, so the next few weeks should have some good news and reviews for you. See you next time.

THE GAME ON! RATING SYSTEM

Ratings From Greatest to Least:

Kick Ass, Right On, Okay, Eh, and Stinker (aka CRAPTACULAR)

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Comics in Context #169: New York 2007 – The King Of Creation

Filed under: Columns,Comics in Context — admin @ 6:18 pm

SATURDAY, FEB. 24, 10 AM

Pleased at the success of the opening reception for “Stan Lee: A Retrospective” at the Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art, I remained there until the party finally broke up around 1:30 in the morning. That meant that eight hours later I was trudging from Penn Station to the Javits Center for the second day of this year’s New York Comic-Con. I’d already been keeping late hours that week putting finishing touches on the wall texts for the exhibit, and now I was definitely falling well into sleep debt.

Still, I was better off than the folks standing out in the February chill in the long, long line waiting to get in. It was about 10:10 AM when I arrived, and the con had been officially open for ten minutes, and yet the line was so lengthy that I could not see where it ended. Lucky for me I had my all-powerful press badge, so I could walk right in. Inside the Special Events Hall, the panel “Slayer Tales with Xander, Kendra and Drusilla” was already in progress. The auditorium seemed half empty, not surprisingly, with so many people still stuck outside on line.

“Slayer Tales” marked the tenth anniversary of the debut of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series, and there was even a birthday cake. Ten years already!? But the panel’s title turned out to be a misnomer: Nicholas Brendon, who played Xander, one of the leading characters, didn’t make it, either because he was stuck in traffic, or due to illness, according to different reports. (Brendon did show up to sign autographs later, and reportedly was clearly somewhat ill.) The other actors who showed up were all minor players on the series, including Bianca Lawson, who portrayed the short-lived African slayer Kendra, Larry Bagby, Dennis Christopher, James Leary, and Jonathan Woodward.

The exception was Juliet Landau, who memorably portrayed the recurring vampiress villainess Drusilla. Wearing large glasses, with her hair pulled back, and speaking in an open, friendly American accent, Landau was unrecognizable as the half-mad, British Dru. She recalled that once she was doing a “press thing in England” and the interviewer was “floored” to discover “I was American.”

Of all the panelists Landau made the most interesting comments. When a fan inquired about whether the actors could improvise dialogue, Landau explained that they could not change the dialogue, but they had considerable freedom of interpretation. “If I feel like dancing on the table” or “rolling on the floor,” she said, she could do it. Landau said that early on she had a “creative meeting” in which she was confused by the seeming contradictions in Buffy creator Joss Whedon’s description of Drusilla as both “childlike” and “sexual” and as both “sweet” and “innocent” yet “diabolical,” but that she eventually got a handle on playing these dualities in the character. “It was really collaborative,” Landau said, “but the words were strictly the words.” The “growls” and “giggles” that she put in, she added, were “not scripted.”

Another fan informed Landau that “my eight-year-old daughter does Drusilla impressions.” “Oh, no!” exclaimed Landau.

Of course, inevitably, Landau was asked to do Drusilla’s voice, and though she cautioned that she hadn’t done it in a long time, Landau shifted with apparent ease into Drusilla’s eerily sing-song British accent, and then shifted back to herself, smiling, as the audience applauded.

SATURDAY, FEB. 24, 11 AM

On that morning, outside the Special Events Hall, I saw two celebrities showing off their legs. The first was Hayden Panetierre, who plays the super-powered cheerleader on the NBC series Heroes. She was a vision of beauty with her blonde hair, minidress and boots, as she was escorted past the Special Events Hall by security. (See for yourself. Here’s a photo of Ms. Panetierre talking with comics writer Peter David in the Con’s green room).

Yesterday I had seen a Silent Bob impersonator, but later this morning I saw Quick Stop’s lord and master, Kevin Smith himself, in his trademark long black coat, shorts, and sneakers outside the Special Events Hall. Didn’t he get cold outside? (But I commend Ms. Panetierre’s decision to sacrifice her personal comfort for the sake of aesthetics.)

Between admiring Ms. Panetierre and sighting the Quick Stop’s founder, I made my way over to the Javits Center food court, which opened at 11 Am, and devoured an early lunch, knowing I wouldn’t get another break for eating until 7 PM. At one point I looked up and saw my favorite member of the Flash’s Rogues Gallery, the Mirror Master, walking over to the food court. Well, I’ve never seen him at a comics con before. He passed by a table where Supergirl was having lunch. She didn’t seem to notice the notorious super-villain; well, I guess she was off duty. This was one of three Supergirls I would see this weekend, as if she were Triplicate Girl as well. The mainstream media would have you believe that virtually everyone at a comics con is in costume, and this is far from true. But I rather enjoy seeing a familiar costumed character nonchalantly pass by at these conventions.

SATURDAY, FEB. 24, 12 PM

Studying the program book I noticed that tickets were required for the next panel I intended to attend, “MARVEL: Stephen King’s Dark Tower–The Gunslinger Born,” which would start in an hour. But how would I get a ticket? Returning to the lobby area just outside the Special Events Hall, I saw there was already a long line snaking back and forth, waiting to enter for the King panel. I asked one person in line when the con had begun giving out tickets; he replied, somewhat contemptuously, “Eight A. M.” Two hours before the convention opened!? Considering how long the line was to get in shortly after 10 AM, just how long did people have to wait out in the cold to get tickets for the King panel?

I soon located one of the red-shirted volunteers who was in charge of distributing tickets for the King panel, showed him my all-powerful press badge, explained my connection with Publishers Weekly, and after consulting with other parties, he gave me a pass for the panel. Although I joke about the Red Shirts at the New York and San Diego Cons, he was gratifyingly helpful, and explained to me that the meeting rooms were cleared at the conclusion of each panel. The Red Shirt was quite surprised when I told him about the “camping” phenomenon that the San Diego Con encourages in its largest auditorium, the humongous Hall H. Not only are no tickets necessary to attend the movie preview panels in Hall H, but many, many conventioneers settle into Hall H on Saturday morning and never leave till the final panel of the day concludes. That’s why I never got into the Spider-Man 3 panel at last year’s San Diego Con (see “Comics in Context” #146).

I wonder if, as attendance continues to mount at the San Diego Con, whether its organizers will also have to issue tickets for certain Hall H presentations (as they already do for events such as the Masquerade) and clear the hall afterwards. But I expect that if tickets are given out a full two hours before the Con opens for the day, I still won’t be able to get into these panels. (The San Diego Con doesn’t make exceptions for press people trying to get into Hall H.)

SATURDAY, FEB. 24, 1 PM

The large audience in the Special Events Hall broke into applause as the creative team for Marvel’s Dark Tower comic walked onto the stage. There was Stephen King’s research assistant Robin Furth, who plots the comic, and who turns out to be an attractive, smiling woman with long blonde hair (as you can see here). There were also the comic’s scripter Peter David, illustrator Jae Lee, colorist Richard Isanove, letterer Chris Eliopolous, and editor Ralph Macchio.

“There’s Joe!” exclaimed a guy who was sitting near me and who was ecstatic at seeing Mr. Quesada, Marvel’s editor in chief. But there was one person still missing, King himself, whom Quesada proceeded to introduce as “one of the greatest authors and creators in the last fifty years, maybe ever!”

Now wait a minute. I haven’t read widely in horror prose fiction, and, for all I know, Clive Barker, for example, may be a superior writer to Stephen King. But I’m very fond of The Shining and The Stand, so I have no trouble accepting the idea that King may be the greatest contemporary writer of horror fiction. But “one of the greatest authors and creators in the last fifty years, maybe ever”? Maybe not.

Where to begin? Well, I could start at the top: is Stephen King in the same league as Shakespeare? Or perhaps I could start listing authors who are greater than King in roughly chronological order: say, Homer, Aeschylus, Sophocles, Euripides, Aristophanes, Plato, Aristotle, and so on. It’s a lengthy list.

Or I could refer to the celebrated Yale scholar Professor Harold Bloom, who recently listed his “five most important books” in Newsweek: the complete works of Shakespeare, Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales, Dante’s Divine Comedy, Cervantes’ Don Quixote, and Homer’s Iliad. Why, how strange that Professor Bloom did not mention Mr. King!

There are all sorts of ways to come at the question of who’s a greater writer than Stephen King. For example, I could refer to the title of last week’s “Comics in Context,” which I took from Walt Whitman: he’s a better writer than King, too.

And I should think that Mr. King would agree that all the people I’ve named are superior to himself. Years ago I saw the British playwright Tom Stoppard being interviewed onstage at Columbia University. The interviewer started comparing Stoppard to Shakespeare, and Stoppard clearly looked embarrassed, presumably because Stoppard, one of the leading contemporary playwrights, surely realized he was still nowhere near being a match for the Bard.

And hey, Quesada referred to King as “one of the greatest authors and creators. . .maybe ever,” so that takes in creators of any form of art. So is Mr. King superior to Ingmar Bergman, or to Leonardo da Vinci, or to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart? Or to the Creator of the heavens and earth? This is fun.

But, you may be saying, I shouldn’t make too much of Mr. Quesada’s remark as signifying Marvel’s limitations in appreciating literature. Oh, look, here in the second issue of Marvel’s Dark Tower comic is a house ad for the company’s new Marvel Illustrated line, comics adaptation of what the ad calls “literature’s greatest stories.” First up: The Man in the Iron Mask. It’s as if I wasted my time studying James Joyce’s Ulysses in school instead of the oeuvre of Alexandre Dumas. (And shouldn’t Marvel be adapting The Three Musketeers before its sequel?)

“I’ve been saying ad nauseum,” Quesada continued, “that being able to publish The Dark Tower is a coming out party for the comic book industry.” In his six years as editor in chief, Quesada said, his goal has been “reaching out into the mainstream.” Publishing The Dark Tower comic, Quesada declared, demonstrates that “We’re a very serious art form and one to be reckoned with.”

And here I thought that Art Spiegelman’s Maus winning a Pulitzer Prize in 1992 had proved comics could be a “very serious art form.” Or maybe when Time Magazine named Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ Watchmen as one of the hundred greatest novels published between 1923 (when Time started publication) and 2005 (when the list was made). (Mr. King isn’t on this list, either.) Or Alison Bechtel’s autobiographical graphic novel (graphic autobiography?) Fun Home being named as one of the New York Times’ “100 Notable Books” of 2006? Or the success of the “Masters of American Comics” traveling museum exhibition (see “Comics in Context” #151-156)? Or the widespread appreciation of comics professionals such as Robert Crumb, Chris Ware, Neil Gaiman, Scott McCloud, Harvey Pekar, and Will Eisner in the worlds of academia, museums and the mainstream media in recent years.

Certainly King is now a mainstream writer, and not simply read by a niche audience. But would the literary world consider comics to be a “very serious” artform simply because there is now a comic book based on King’s work? Quesada is probably unaware of the controversy that erupted in the literary world when King received a Lifetime Achievement Award at the National Book Awards in 2003. I think that King deserved the award, but it’s important to realize that many people in the literary community did not.

So thus I am reminded once again why I’ve always felt somewhat out of place in the world of comics, whose study I regard as my life’s work, but where I remain on the periphery. I’m a man with three Ivy League degrees in English literature who works in a field in which the major publishers couldn’t care less about my academic background. We just don’t think alike.

The literary world is quickly learning to take comics seriously; the real question is when the comics industry itself will recognize what it truly means to be a serious artform.

And let’s appreciate Stephen King for his genuine achievements in popular culture, without indulging in unfounded hyperbole.

Finally Stephen King came onstage, and the audience gave him a standing ovation, cheering more loudly than the audience did yesterday for Stan Lee. Once again, people crowded down front, flashing their cameras in the panelists’ faces. Quesada told them “Thank you” over and over, as an obvious hint to sit down, but these amateur paparazzi kept on flashing. Unlike yesterday during the Stan Lee panel, this time convention staffers cleared the space in front of the stage.

And you know how I keep joking in my convention reports that the Red Shirts seem like fascist stormtroopers? The con actually stationed people in Star Wars stormtrooper costumes in front of the King panel dais as guards! Over the weekend I would continue to see Star Wars stormtroopers actually acting as Con security. (If they unmasked, would they all turn out to be clones?)

When I saw King at Radio City Music Hall last year (See “Comics in Context” #148), he was giving a performance, acting the role of the scruffy, macabre prankster, who delighted in scaring and grossing out his audience. At the New York Comic-Con he was more serious and subdued, but still in character.

The first question was from an audience member who said he hadn’t read The Dark Tower novels and wondered if the comics contained any “spoilers.”
“Spoilers!” King retorted. “There are no spoilers!” King continued. “You might as well say “˜I’m never watch The Wizard of Oz again because I know how it comes out!” Summing up his opinion of Marvel’s Dark Tower, King declared, “The comic book just kicks ass.”

Another audience member asked if Peter David was “intimidated” by working on a comics adaptation of “a serious book that’s reached this many people.” (Here we go again. What makes Stephen King’s Dark Tower any more or less “serious” than Peter David’s Hulk?) David replied that “What’s intimidating is it’s a book that’s going to one particular person,” indicating King. David said that King “goes over everything.”

Another audience member asked KIng, “If I donate one hundred dollars to your favorite charity, will you autograph my copy of The Dark Tower?”

King quietly replied, “No,” to appreciative audience laughter,

A questioner asked about the theme of the final novel in The Dark Tower series. King explained, “if there’s an overall theme to The Dark Tower, it’s one of evolution. You don’t get what you want immediately. . . .Sometimes you don’t get it right the first time or the second time or the fiftieth time. There has to be an evolutionary process.”

Then, observing that there were Harry Potter fans in the audience, King said that “when you do a long body of work. . . .when you get to the end, you’re going to piss off a lot of fans. They are pissed off because it’s over,” or because it ended differently than “whatever they had built up in their minds.”

Peter David interjected that he “thought the ultimate theme of the books” was the futility of “obsession, and how it turns back on itself.”

After Quesada made another of his respectful references to “Mr. King,” King threatened, “If you keep calling me Mr. King, I’m going to kick your ass.” Peter David suggested “your lordship” as an alternative mode of address. (I see that the New York Comic-Con program book’s biography of King, on page 10, refers to him as “Stephen Edwin King.” Edwin? What kind of novels would you expect from a writer who called himself “Edwin King”? Now there’s an alternate reality to contemplate.)

Another audience member asked if King had planned certain events in The Dark Tower saga in advance, but King said no, explaining that “The story tells itself in a sense, and it’s your job to stand back and let it be what it is.” King compared it to a “hunk of granite,” saying you “know there’s a guy” in there. (Although King did not credit him, this is a paraphrase of a famous statement by Michelangelo about sculpting. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michelangelo)

The other panelists were asked what it was like to sit on a convention panel with Stephen King. “His lordship?” asked Quesada, who replied that years ago at the San Diego Comic-Con he was asked “what’s the Holy Grail in comics?” Quesada told us he replied, “To work with Stephen King.”

Then King was asked if he was interested in working on any Marvel characters. “I never say never to anything,” King replied. He observed that he had written his novel Firestarter about a character, Charlie McGee, who could mentally set fires. “I’ve done the Torch, what’s the point?”

Asked about what comics he had read in the past, KIng named Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, Alan Moore’s V for Vendetta, and Garth Ennis’s Preacher, as well as Spider-Man.

King then addressed why he had so long refused to permit adaptations of his Dark Tower series of novels. “This is my life’s work,” he explained, stating that he had started it when he was twenty and finished it in his fifties. “So it’s very important to me,” and until recently, he had “said no to everybody” who asked to turn it into a movie.

“But when the chance came to do The Dark Tower as a comic book, I thought this was the best of all possible worlds. This [the characters?] will look the way they’re supposed to look. And when they brought in Jae Lee and Peter David, I just thought, “˜This is as good as it gets.’ If you guys have ever seen some of the movies that have been made from Marvel comic books. . .a lot of times the books are better than the movies.”

Now there may be a Dark Tower movie as well, made by J. J. Abrams and Damon Lindehof, co-creators of the television series Lost. “I trust these guys,” King told us. “And they said, “˜How much do you want for an option?’ And I said, “˜nineteen dollars.’ And that’s what they paid me and that’s where it is.” (The significance of the number nineteen here is as mysterious to me as that of those cursed numbers on Lost.)

Towards the end King was asked if when he was writing a character, he ever imagined he ever imagined the character looked like a specific actor. “I never see them,” he replied, suggesting they were “behind my eyes. Maybe if they looked in a mirror I would see them.” Here King seemed to be moving toward the notion that all of his characters are actually parts of himself.

And, oh yes, King said that just before the panel, he and the panelists had been discussing possibly doing a Marvel adaptation of The Stand!

SATURDAY FEB. 24, 2 PM

Weeks before the New York Comic-Con, I had been asked to moderate a panel titled “NYCC’s Behind the Panels: The Classic Age of Comics,” which had a stellar lineup of giants of the Golden and Silver Ages, including Murphy Anderson (Hawkman, The Spectre), Arnold Drake (Deadman, Doom Patrol), Irwin Hasen (Wildcat, Green Lantern), Carmine Infantino (The Flash, Adam Strange, Batman), and Jerry Robinson (Batman). I eagerly accepted, but then, a week before the Con, noticed that its online schedule didn’t list me as moderator, or Anderson, Infantino and Robinson as panelists. I contacted the con organizers, and was told that they had lost my contact information, and had reassigned the role of moderator. (This is especially too bad because I missed my opportunity to interview Arnold Drake, who died shortly after the convention.)

However, on Friday I was asked to moderate a Saturday afternoon panel called “NYCC’s Behind the Panels: The 80s Superhero Renaissance” featuring Brian Bolland (Batman: The Killing Joke), Bill Sienkiewicz (Moon Knight, The New Mutants, Elektra: Assassin), Walter Simonson (Thor), and Rick Veitch (The One). After rearranging my Saturday schedule, I again eagerly accepted.

And so, on Saturday at 2 PM, I took my position behind the lectern in Room 1E14, before a large audience, and waited for the panelists to show up.

After a few minutes I informed the audience that I was simply holding the start of the panel until the artists arrived.

Several more minutes passed. I told the admirably patient audience that I had had experiences at the Big Apple Con when I was supposed to interview a guest who never turned up for the panel, but this was the first time that I had four–count “˜em, four–absentees!

I introduced myself to the audience, giving many of my credits, and was quite surprised when they applauded my mention of co-authoring DK Publishing’s recent Marvel Encyclopedia. At 2:10 PM I asked for, and got, a volunteer to go up to Artists’ Aerie and find the missing artists. Then, having conducted that year-long series of lectures, “1986: The Year That Changed Comics” at the Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art, I improvised a lecture about superhero comics in the 1980s on the spot. I also answered questions from the audience. One person wanted to know what I thought of Marvel’s Civil War, I denounced it, enumerating many of its faults, and a good portion of the audience applauded its approval, again to my surprise.

I succeeded in holding the audience’s attention until, finally, at 2:30 PM, my volunteer arrived with Walter Simonson, who explained that no one had told him that he was supposed to be doing a panel. I subsequently learned that this was not an unusual happenstance at this year’s New York Comic-Con, and, in fact, some panels had to be canceled because the panelists didn’t show up. Keep in mind that it’s not just that these comics pros weren’t told that they were scheduled to do panels; presumably, this means the Con organizers hadn’t even asked them if they would do these panels!

Walter Simonson is a brilliantly entertaining raconteur. I asked him only two questions, and he filled the remaining half hour by himself; all I had to do was sit back and enjoy. Without his realizing it, much of what Walter said confirmed what I had been telling the audience about the comics of the 1980s during the first half hour! In the 1980s Walter, Howard Chaykin, Frank Miller, and James Sherman worked together in a Manhattan studio under the name “the Upstarts.” Walter concluded his talk with a dynamite anecdote about how one day he went to a videogame arcade near the studio, racked up an extraordinarily high score, and turned around to see the other people in the arcade looking at him in awe. And that, I told the audience, concluding the panel, is an example of a real life superhero of the 1980s. Thanks again for coming to my rescue at the Con, Walter!

SATURDAY, FEB. 24, 3 PM

Then I headed next door to Room 1E12/13 for “Will Eisner’s THE SPIRIT Movie Spotlight.” Last summer at the San Diego Con I had to miss the panel previewing the forthcoming Spirit movie because I was doing signings at the same time. This time I wasn’t about to miss it.

It turned out to be an occasion for nostalgia. The moderator of the panel was Michael Uslan, one of the executive producers of the live action Batman movies, who was also one of the producers of the projected Spirit film. I recall that decades ago I saw Uslan speak at a comics convention in New York City, talking about his intent to make a Batman feature film. This movie, Uslan assured the audience, would treat the character seriously, and he cited as inspirations the Batman comics stories by Denny O’Neil and Neal Adams, and the six-parter in Detective Comics by Steve Englehart and Marshall Rogers (see “Comics in Context” #84). Many years later, there was Uslan’s name in the credits of Tim Burton’s 1989 Batman movie, an enduring classic that did so much to wipe the stigma of “camp” off Batman in the public imagination.

When I heard Uslan speak at that long-ago New York convention, I hoped that his dream of doing a serious Batman movie would come true, but I doubt that I felt certain that it would happen. In the case of The Spirit movie, I am confident that it will indeed come to pass.

After all, just look at the huge grosses piled up by Warner Brothers’ movie adaptation of the graphic novel 300 in its opening weekend: seventy million dollars, twice what the film industry had expected. In its March 12, 2007 article on 300‘s success (“Surprise! Spartans Assault Box Office”), The New York Times showed that, despite its major recent advances in appreciating comics, it still doesn’t entirely Get It. Reporter Michael Cieply wrote, “The movie defied the odds in that it had no star bigger than the Scottish actor Gerard Butler (The Phantom of the Opera), Mr. [Dan] Fellman [Warners’ president of theatrical distribution] said, it was made by the relatively untested director Zack Snyder (Dawn of the Dead), and it carried the added handicap of an R rating.”

The real “star” of 300 is Frank Miller, the writer and artist of the 300 graphic novel, whose popularity with moviegoers was “tested” and proved by the success of the Sin City movie, which was, like the 300 film, based in story and in visual design on his work in comics (see “Comics in Context” #78, 79, 83). And Miller is the director and writer of this Spirit movie in the works, about which I will say much more next week.

ADVERTISEMENTS FOR MYSELF
Prodded by yours truly, former Marvel comics writer Peter B. Gillis, who used to work on Captain America, has posted his reflections on the character’s apparent demise on his blog, under the title “The Assassination of Captain America as an Extreme Downhill Skateboard Race“. In the course of the piece you’ll see his brilliant analysis of the essence of Captain America as a character, which makes him different from other major superheroes. You’ll see some further observations by myself about Cap in the “Comments” section, as well, and I will have more to say on the subject in future installments of this column.

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March 16, 2007

Scrubs Blog: My Stone Age

Filed under: Production Blogs,Quickcasts,Scrubs Blog,Video — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:43 am

VIDEO BLOG #79: “My Stone Age” ““
Some on-set caveman shenanigans while filming a fantasy sequence from episode 6×13, “My Scrubs”…

Download Scrubs Video Blog #79:

Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 40.96 MB)
Small (320 x 240 – QuickTime – 17.75 MB)

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Trailer Park: 300 vs. Revenge of the Nerds and How Your Votes Can Help Me Win A Prize

Filed under: Columns,Trailer Park — admin @ 12:28 am

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

Quick note: Want to help me out this week? Go on over to Gather.com where I posted the first chapter of my book, Thank You, Goodnight, in the hopes I can win the First Chapters prize from Simon and Schuster. You’d be doing me a huge solid if I can at least make it to the final rounds and since I’ve never really pimped my book in this space I hope this could be the beginning of something really good or it could mean my writing really sucks and I deserve the mantle of writing a column named Trailer Park. Anyway, thanks for reading… http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976932701
Do you consider yourself a geek?

I ask only because there have been moments in the last week that seem to perfectly illustrate the idea of gripping that lingua franca of oddballs and about how some push it away as far as possible.

When you opened your newspaper, or clicked your way through Digg, on Monday morning the one piece of information which should be old news by now is 300’s triumphant take at the box office over the weekend. It’s success was never in doubt, just how much it was going to pull in was up to debate. I believe even the most aggressive pundits were short a few million in thinking how many people were going to show up to watch a bunch of dudes get all homosocial with one another and then go out to slaughter other humans. The story behind the story here is not so much its financial take but the way in which this movie moved from obscurity to full-on hype by the film’s release.

It honestly started back in July of last year when Gerard Butler, Zack Snyder and the rest of the 300 crew showed up to try and create some momentum for the movie. What should have been a Meet-N-Greet turned into a love fest and it was all thanks to the bright lad at WB who thought, “Let’s create the kind of preview that will leave people talking.”

That was all that had to be thought up in order for this movie to have snowballed into the juggernaut it is today.

Where a lot of people, and by people I mean media hacks who want to lump every marketing campaign that uses the Internet as a means, not as an end, see viral marketing as a failed experiment that ended with the SNAKES ON A PLANE fiasco I can categorically state that the reason why SOAP failed was because it depended on GODZILLA-like ambiguity of its product.

There wasn’t any way that those behind 300 did a little shuffle with their feet as the leached out just enough money shots, had those behind the film come out to embrace it and then followed-up with just small bursts of awareness campaigns that kept the movie in front of you, just not in front of every website and blog that would accept the marketing funds of a studio just hoping for a #1 bow.

So, what does this all have to do with REVENGE OF THE NERDS. Apart from the seemingly disparate time in which they were created and the kind of subject matter inherent in them, these movies show the power of support, support of the public variety.

I can understand that there are some actors that believe that participating isn’t their bag and that the movie should be all that’s important when it comes to the finished product but the funny thing about the Special Panty Raid Edition of NERDS has Curtis Armstrong, Robert Carradine, Timothy Busfield and the movie’s director all providing a commentary track for the new DVD. Noticeably absent is ER’s Anthony Edwards who, depending on what really happened, passed on the chance to put his personal stamp on a film that has really defined the nerd experience in the early 80’s for a lot of people who grew up on this film. I can understand that Anthony just wants to forget this movie was what helped establish what would eventually become his empire but it’s just disconcerting that Edwards would eschew this, being the one real hold-out from a cast that involves dudes who have went on to star in an Academy Award winning movie, a successful syndicated television show, an acclaimed television series that will forever provide a sweet royalty check and a director who, well, he made that one movie with Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas that I didn’t think completely sucked.

A movie of this comedic resonance deserved a Special Edition if for the only reason that as long as you thought something was funny about it years ago the movie still holds up as something that shouldn’t be ashamed of, but embraced for what it is. It’s great, real great, to see there were some of the pivotal people for NERDS that thought that, as puerile as it may be, it is what it is and so toss the geeks what they really want.
oint is, you have to admire guys who put on capes, acted in front of blue screens, brought a comic book to life and have no compunction about being proud for a movie that speaks to a large segment of the male population. You don’t have to shout from the mountain about every piece of work you do but it’s petty in a Sean Penn “I never want to talk about FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH” sort of way that’s just glaring to witness. Whenever you take a check from someone you have to internalize it somehow, you obviously thought that trading your time for money was OK, and it was just plain great to see the men of this film just ignore the trappings that go along with what some think makes acceptable work of an actor and what does not.

And from the Department That Has No Bearing On Films, The Innocence Mission, a band I would gladly slay a few hippies for if they asked nicely, has a new album that came out this week. If you’re into acts like The Sundays and have been aching for music to have in the background while you watch rain falling you could not do better than these stalwarts of musicianship. As a favor to me, buy it and get mellow. Look for an interview to follow shortly so familiarize yourselves.

SHOOTER (2007)

Director: Antoine Fuqua
Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Michael PeÃ±a, Danny Glover, Kate Mara, Elias Koteas, Rhona Mitra, Rade Sherbedgia, Ned Beatty
Release: March 23, 2007
Synopsis: SHOOTER is an action-packed thriller starring Mark Wahlberg as Bob Lee Swagger, a former Marine Corps sniper who leaves the military after a mission goes bad. After he is reluctantly pressed back into service, Swagger is double-crossed again. With two bullets in him and the subject of a nationwide manhunt, Swagger begins his revenge, which will take down the most powerful people in the country.

View Trailer:
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Prognosis: Nah. A couple of things:

1. Good for Marky Mark. I really liked him in that middle-of-the-road Oscar contender, THE DEPARTED, let’s be fair that Marty’s re-make wasn’t as good as GOODFELLAS or CASINO, perhaps the AVIATOR, and call it for what it was: passable. What I think that THE DEPARTED did teach me, however, besides the fact that a lot of people bought into cherub-faced Leonardo’s “toughness” was that Marky Mark is really good at this joke called acting or he just has enough charisma that carry him though whatever part he’s given.

2. This movie represents even more responsibility for the pop hip-hopper in a major film. Yes, he had THE ITALIAN JOB but, really, Charlize and the rest of the ensemble was really what helped pull that movie through the box office like a juggernaut.

That said, then, I like the way this movie looks.

I do, however, have some worries that I don’t really need to be at the theater in time when it starts because we’re given all the information we need about this movie in one long introduction. Por ejemplo, when we open up to Marky’s world he’s in the backwoods, evidenced in movies like COMMANDO and CLIFFHANGER the forest is the one refuge where a strong leading man can go for solace or to “regroup” before slugging it out once more for life, liberty and guns, and of course there is something there about why he’s so reclusive. He drinks Bud, most definitely listens to Toby Keith, likes to pump-n-dump with the ladies who obviously dig this kind of guy and, of course, the government wants him for one..,more”¦mission. (By the way, that the hell is up with that Fu-Manchu whispy crap on the boy’s face? Whiskers? Hair? Last night’s conquest?)

So, after we see that Mark can shoot from a mile away with a pimp-ass CGI weapon, that the president is in danger, that he’s one of the “only ones” who could help find this miscreant and, hold the phone, it’s a set-up!

People, I know you’re all, for the most part, smart individuals. Can anyone inform me why I wouldn’t want to just come into this movie a good 20-30 minutes late? We’re almost at the half-way point of this thing yet I know everything I need to get me through this movie without missing a beat.

“I didn’t start it but I am going to see it through.”

This is the BOURNE IDENTITY without insane car chases or exotic locales. I was hoping for a plot twist that didn’t involve a conspiracy where we have people saying how awesome Marky was in his past life as a soldier and that “OMFG! STFU dats pure PWNage lol!!111!!” when Marky gets his cammo all smeared over his face as he comes back for retribution.

I guess the added element Marky’s girl being snatched away from him is fairly original as the sniper hunt near the end of the trailer looks nifty but is it worth a full admission at the theater? Seeing how after I paid to see SNIPER with Tom Beringer and Billy Zane I felt like I had possibly invested in a flick that was marginally worse than THE JERKY BOYS I am not about to get excited at the prospect for a movie that only looks bigger with regard to budget.

THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 (2007)

Director: Martin Weisz
Cast: Jessica Stroup, Reshad Strik, Michael McMillian, Daniella Alonso, Lee Thompson Young, Ben Crowley, Eric Edelstein, Michael Bailey Smith
Release: March 23, 2007
Synopsis: The sequel to the 2006 horror re-make THE HILLS HAVE EYES which grossed over $41 million at the domestic box office, is written by horror legend Wes Craven and Jonathan Craven and will be directed by Martin Weisz. The storyline follows a group of young National Guard trainees who are attacked by mutants during a training mission in the New Mexico desert.

View Trailer:
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Prognosis: All Sorts Of Positive. First of all, don’t apologize.

This kind of entertainment needs to only do two things for it to be successful enough, in my book, to qualify as a success:

Exceed it’s budget with the amount it takes in at the box office and home video sales.

Be violent, gory, toss in a little T&A if possible and be devoid of anything resembling a plot or logical thinking.

These are the reasons why everyone who hated the first one will love the second and, if it’s successful like the SAW franchise has been, a third or a fourth.

Too many people will look at movies like this and write it off but I say that this trailer is the reason why it’s going to do well enough. It’s vaguely creepy, the story is set up wonderfully and we get juuuuust enough of a tease to satiate your desire to peep the mutants who live in the hills. Never mind that these freaks managed to move on from where they were in the first movie, we got an emotional buy-in with a child saying hello to her mother via cell phone. With this, we’re put on the hook as it contextualizes the people who inhabit this film. We actually care about one of them at least and it’s not even five seconds into this thing.

We’re given an explanation of why this military-style squad possesses cell technology in the first place “National Guard Training.” Perfect thinking. It’s plausible, reasonable and we get our geographic bearings with two complete thoughts.

Further contextualization reveals that this location ALSO, like our first installment (How very convenient), was the site for nuclear testing; anyone look into the likelihood that there really could be crazed mutants walking the earth with all the people going to the “atomic testing” card that has set up so many films, comics, books, etc”¦, in the past? Geez.

So, these “troops” roll into a deserted base where one of our potential victims says, “Where is everybody?” At this stage in the game wouldn’t it be wise to either radio back to HQ or get the fuck out of there, pronto? Again, here I go, with the logic. I have to stop that. Right, trust in the fact that common sense will lose out to sheer stupidity of our characters.

“Last year”¦The lucky ones died first”¦On March 23″¦The lucky ones die fast. “

The above tagline doesn’t get any more perfect than that. Whoever thought that up deserves their double-mocha, soy, frappuccino on the marketing company’s dime all next week. It’s perfectly aimed at that core 17-25 demo.

Mixed in with all this marketing goodness, and it is good, we get slivers of what the mutants look like; an eye here, some movement here behind a lady who, in my estimation, might be taking a dump (Look for yourself and report back”¦), a body shot and an eerie score all make for some good build-ups.

The various quick shots of our invaders, the promise of heavy firefights with government issued artillery, some choice looks at what might happen to a few of the captured and some unexplained splatter all are excellent choices for a trailer that knows what it is and what it needs to do. The tongue lick at the every end? Every bit of brilliant.

TRADE (2007)

Director: Marco Kreuzpaintner
Cast: Kevin Kline, Cesar Ramos Ceballos, Alicja Bachleda-Curus, Paulina Gaitani
Release: April 13, 2007
Synopsis: Adriana (Paulina Gaitan) is a 13-year-old girl from Mexico City whose kidnapping by sex traffickers sets in motion a desperate mission by her 17-year-old brother, Jorge (Cesar Ramos), to save her. Trapped and terrified by an underground network of international thugs who earn millions exploiting their human cargo, Adriana’s only friend and protector throughout her ordeal is Veronica (Alicja Bachleda), a young Polish woman tricked into the trade by the same criminal gang. As Jorge dodges immigration officers and incredible obstacles to track the girls’ abductors, he meets Ray (Kevin Kline), a Texas cop whose own family loss to sex trafficking leads him to become an ally in the boy’s quest.

View Trailer:
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Prognosis: Il Est Excellent. I apologize for going down such a low-brow road but from the New Jersey mouth of Carl in Aqua Teen Hunger Force, “That’s friggin’ awesome.”

I saw a riveting, compelling, and every other shocking ““ing you can stick at the end of some verbs, documentary about the sex trade. It only scratched the thin surface of how people are traded, duped and then become prisoners against their will but this movie looks like a nice representation about the drama of what happens when these women are promised one thing only to land themselves in a quagmire of violence and deceit. So, herein lies the issue: How do you make a trailer that not only coveys this but also ties back to something that Ma and Pa Kettle can understand and relate to back in Bumwad, U.S.A.?

You juxtapose, of course.

I really like, I really do, the image of the densely populated terrain, mountainous, in some country that doesn’t look familiar to me. I’m distant from it but see what happens when we then look at the image of some suburban landscape with all these houses that look alike (I’m deep in the heart of one myself). Large foreign capital, large domestic capital. Little baby in far off land, little baby with domestic mama. Some transference starts to happen but there needs to be more in order for this compare/contrast thing to work.

“Every year more than 1 million people are trafficked across international borders…”

And, pop, we get it. We see a woman who has obviously traveled to some country in the hopes of something, we’re not led to know what it is, but she’s violently taken somewhere. Again, we don’t know.

“”¦Against their will.”

Little girl on a bike. She rides and is then kidnapped. Kevin Kline, so good to see him in something that doesn’t involve buffoonery, holds a flashlight but we don’t know what he’s looking for. The utter silence and lack of story could kill lesser flicks but it’s working like a champ here.

We’re given a little something: Kevin is on the hunt for his daughter. A kid, in search of his younger sister. What’s driving a lot of this is the beautiful cinematography and music that doesn’t play too much into our sympathies but rides the moment we’re in like surfers on a crystal wave. These two men, on a mission, juxtapose with the women who have been taken from their lives and put into a situation where there seems be a little aggravated battery and a whole lot of isolation.

And then, from out of nowhere, the music just takes over and it’s blisteringly sweet to listen to as we see Kline, this brother, his sister and Kline’s daughter struggle physically with what’s happening around them. Emotions are just ebbing and flowing and, oddly, none of this feels maudlin or saccharine.
By the end of this thing it’s hard to realize that this is the kind of thing that happens every single day on this planet without any of us realizing it and this trailer captures that panicking feeling if you found out it happened to someone in your own blood line.

GRINDHOUSE (2007)

Director: Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Tarantino
Cast: DEATH PROOF: Kurt Russell, Zoe Bell, Rosario Dawson, Vanessa Ferlito, Jordan Ladd, Rose McGowan, Michael Bacall, Eli Roth, Sydney Tamiia Poitier, Marley Shelton, Tracie Thoms, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Omar Doom PLANET TERROR: Freddy Rodriguez, Rose McGowan, Josh Brolin, Naveen Andrews, Marley Shelton, Michael Biehn, Stacy Ferguson, Jeff Fahey, Michael Parks
Release: April 6, 2007
Synopsis: Grindhouse ““ noun ““ A downtown movie theater – in disrepair since its glory days as a movie palace of the ’30s and ’40s – known for “grinding out” non-stop double-bill programs of B-movies.

From groundbreaking directors Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez comes the ultimate film experience: a double-bill of thrillers that will recall both filmmakers’ favorite exploitation films. “Grindhouse” will be presented as one full-length feature comprised of two individual films helmed separately by each director. Tarantino’s film, “Death Proof,” is a rip-roaring slasher flick where the killer pursues his victims with a car rather than a knife, while Rodriguez’s film explores an alien world eerily familiar to ours in “Planet Terror.” Welcome to the Grindhouse – it’ll tear you in two.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. So, I’m riding along in a car with a new business acquaintance, Amir.

The topic of discussion touches upon Comic-Con and, before letting it known how big of an inward Geek I am, gauging whether divulging the information would be cannon fodder for an uncomfortable hazing with fellow co-workers back at the office, Amir is down with the whole scene. He’s never been to San Diego and wanted to know what the big appeal was in going. I was at a loss to try and put it into words that could wrap around its largess and indescribably strange, and face-meltingly insane, vibe.

But I did relay what happened when Robert Rodriquez and Quentin Tarantino took the stage last year and introduced PLANET TERROR and DEATH PROOF to the world. The footage that Robert showed just lit the place on fire. Apart from Robert’s insistence that NO ONE even think about doing any kind of recording at all, the moment kind of encapsulated what the Con can be if you want to market right. 300 proved what advance word could do and I would expect nothing less of this production as well.

The problem, though, with marketing this movie by trailer is that you need to beat people into understanding what you’re trying to do with this project. Simply put, it’s two movies, fake trailers and a whole lot of exploitation done out of ironic love for the genre of grindhouse film. Now say that three times fast in a trailer. Somehow, though, that’s exactly what happens when you’re exposed to the marketing campaign right from the beginning.

The trailer lays it right out for all of you out there who are still a little shaky about whether grindhouse is the name of the film that they’re showing or unsure about whether you’re getting one film directed by two different people. Yes, if you’re reading this you’re more than 99% ahead of everyone else in America but look at it from a layperson’s point-of-view. Out of focus camera work, visual cues, narration that takes all of eight seconds to explain everything and the kind of straight off the street vibe that’s unmistakable.

You get Danny Trejo kicking all sorts of ass, money shots galore, Rose McGowan in all her celluloid dissolving glory sexing it up for the rest of us, and an honest-to-God helpful narrator who is thumping us over the head that these are two, separate films.

Cue Robert’s flick with a 30pt font “FIRST” and have it explained to Ma and Pa Kettle. Done. Toss in some Apple-infused graphics that give the whole sequence a dated look, skim over the plot and tease the audience with just enough T&A and unexplained violent confrontations. Done. Oh, and be sure to keep that one sweet sequence of Rose using her prosthetic leg in a ferocious gun battle. The fan boys love that.

Cue Quentin. The challenge here is getting me to stop thinking about guns and guts. I’m not so sure it’s helpful putting Quentin’s last because there’s a lot of talking in this preview and I ain’t keen on so much jibba jabba when I’m postulating why I’m not seeing even more explosions or violence. Yeah, the car crashes are cool and I am pleased as all hell that Kurt “Jack Burton” Russell is in here but I feel kind of limp, sartorially speaking, in that this movie doesn’t feel like an exploitative, derivative homage to wanton sex and violence.

I’ll still see the flicks, no doubt, but I’m already wondering whether I’m going to be more wooed by one or the other.

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Weekend Shopping Guide 3/16/07: Bosom Buddies

Filed under: Shopping Guides — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:18 am

The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

As if the release of the first season of Family Ties weren’t enough cause for glee in the hearts of those amongst us that came of pop culture age in the 80’s, we get to throw a round of “huzzahs” for the arrival of Bosom Buddies (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$31.99 SRP). Starring Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari in the legendary dual roles of best friends Kip (Hanks) & Henry (Scolari) and their female alter-egos Buffy & Hildegarde. The reason for the cross-dressing? In order to take advantage of the rock bottom rent available in the women’s hotel where their work friend Amy (the much-missed Wendy Jo Sperber) lives. Comedy, as you can guess, ensues… This really is a true comedy classic that is definitely of its time. More seasons, pronto!

I was one of those that was disappointed to hear that not only would Pierce Brosnan be absent from the newest James Bond flick, but it would also act as a sort of prequel to the whole franchise, rebooting the whole 007 franchise with a brand new, fresh face as a newly-minted double-o agent. It was a welcome relief that Daniel Craig has slipped right into the role of Bond with nary a misstep, and that film itself – based on Ian Fleming’s first Bond adventure, Casino Royale (Sony, Rated PG-13, DVD-$28.96 SRP) – has managed to update the franchise without wholly abandoning what made it so addictive in the first place. I do miss some of the flights of fancy, and I’m unsure of where they go next, but as a reboot effort, it’s one hell of an evening’s viewing. The 2-disc special edition features a trio of in-depth featurettes and Chris Cornell’s music video.

Similar to the Disney Treasures and Nascar Vault releases, a must-have collectible for Marvel comics fans is The Marvel Vault (Becker & Meyer, $49.95 SRP). Billed as a “museum-in-a-book” and written by Roy Thomas and Quick Stop’s own Peter Sanderson, its extensive history of Marvel Comics – reaching all the way back to its origins in the 40’s as Timely Comics and winding up in the present day – is supplemented with numerous reproductions of rare Marvel ephemera, from a Merry Marvel Marching Society membership card to the original Fantastic Four synopsis. It’s an amazing overview of a once mighty company, and the characters and creators that made it so – including names like Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Steve Ditko, John Romita, Gene Colan, Mark Gruenwald, John Byrne, Chris Claremont, Gil Kane, John Buscema, and many, many more.

I mentioned it back in our holiday shopping guide last year, but the perfect companion piece to The Marvel Vault bears repeating. While writer Roy Thomas’s Stan Lee’s Amazing Marvel Universe (Becker & Meyer/Sterling, $50.00 SRP) would have been a must-have overview of the formative years of Marvel Comics and the equally amazing Lee in its own right, the addition of Stan Lee’s audio remembrances makes it an essential experience for anyone who grew up entranced by Lee’s hyperbolic universe and giddy hucksterism. Attached to the impressive tome is an audio player that, when you come to a cue within the book itself, you can press to hear Stan himself relate stories and anecdotes based on what you’ve just been reading about. In practice, it’s like getting an audio commentary from “The Man” himself, and I can only hope that more books will utilize this unique technology.

Shortly after I Love Lucy ended its classic run as one of TV’s most beloved half-hour sitcoms, Lucy & Desi returned for a series of one-hour specials that essentially acted as seasons 7, 8, & 9 of the couple’s comic adventures, expanding the scope a bit. I Love Lucy: The Final Seasons (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$38.99 SRP) collects all 13 of these Lucy-Desi Comedy Hours, including an incredible slate of bonus materials – rarities like a Desilu/Westinghouse sponsor presentation, original TV spots, original opening and closing titles, original animation, deleted scenes, on-set color footage, and more.

Long before he became a fixture on late night, a young midwesterner named Johnny Carson – then just a staff writer on The Red Skelton Show – filled in on-camera at the last minute when his boss got injured in rehearsal. Impressed with what they saw, CBS created The Johnny Carson Show (Shout! Factory, Not Rated, DVD-$24.98 SRP) to showcase him. Running just 39 weeks from 1955-56, this DVD features 10 remastered episodes from this rare series, in which Carson proved himself a hilarious sketch comedian and commentator on the still emerging TV landscape. This set also contains a 1958 episode of his popular ABC quiz show Who Do You Trust?, an episode of his short-lived 1956 daytime talk show, and a clip from his 1958 two-week run as guest host on The Jack Paar Show. Here’s hoping for more volumes to come…

They’ve done it so many times, that it’s almost becoming old hat to be impressed by the stunning collectibles that make their way out of the geek dream factory that is Sideshow Collectibles. Add to the already impressive roster the 12″-scale Jabba the Hutt figure ($119) and his even more massive Throne Environment ($199). Did I mention just how huge this environment is? Try over 2′ wide and 20 lbs just for the base, and mighty Jabba clocking in at 20″ long and almost a foot high. As the photos below will attest, the level of detail in the rotocast vinyl Jabba and his polystone throne are incredibly faithful to the source material. Beg, borrow, and steal – whatever you do, don’t miss the chance to add these to your collection.

Partake of half-shell heroics with the complete fourth season of the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Lionsgate, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP). The 5-disc set features all 40 episodes, plus a pair of featurettes on Shredder and the evil turtle Slash, and a pizza recipe. You know you need a pizza recipe.

In what has become a rather bland wasteland populated by tired ideas and rip-offs, it’s always nice to see a show that feels genuinely fresh. Created by The Powerpuff Girls‘s Craig McCracken, Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP) certainly fits the bill. Visually appealing, fun, and witty, it’s a show that I’ve enjoyed introducing my young nephew to. The 2-disc first season set features all 13 episodes, plus an audio commentary on the episode “Store Wars,” a behind-the-scenes featurette, promos, end of episode gags, and a gallery.

FBI agent Jack Malone (Anthony LaPaglia) and his team of FBI missing persons experts return in the complete second season of Without A Trace (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP), hunting down everything from kids on a hijacked school bus, a soldier just returned from war, a college coach, and more. The 6-disc set features all 24 episodes, plus unaired scenes.

Even if they just sat there and talked about how much they loved Dr. Who, I would watch the panel assembled onstage for God, The Universe And Everything (Kultur, Not Rated, DVD-$19.99 SRP). That panel? Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan, and Arthur C. Clarke, discussing everything from black holes an the Big Bang to aliens and creativity.

It’s a titanic evening of rock ‘n’ roll history documented in Fats & Friends (Time Life, Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP), a concert featuring Fats Domino, Ray Charles, and Jerry Lee Lewis, with a backing band put together by musical director Paul Shaffer that includes special guest Ronnie Wood. As if the music alone weren’t treat enough, the DVD also contains rehearsal footage with optional commentary from Shaffer, as well as a new interview with Paul.

Let’s close out this week with a look at the animated-style Darth Vader statue ($80.00) from the fine folks over at Gentle Giant. Standing an impressive 9.5 inches and limited to an edition size of 7000, you know you want one on your shelf.

So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

-Ken Plume

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QSE News: 3/16/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:08 am

Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

It has been announced by Scholastic, Inc. that 12 million copies of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows will be printed in the book’s first run, breaking a printing record. While the books are sure to eventually sell, insiders think that this number is way too high, as there are only seven million registered pedophiles in the US.

Former gay cowboy and current serial killer hunter Jake Gyllenhaal is in talks to star in a big screen adaptation of DC Comics’s Shazam!. Producers hope to get Gyllenhaal on board as soon as possible, as filming is slated to begin in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes and 12 seconds.

Heather Mills has been asked by British police to refrain from calling the emergency services number unless there is a true emergency. Since Mills and Paul McCartney filed for divorce, Mills has been the subject of a paparazzi frenzy. Mills responded that “if I can’t call the police to come over and shoot the paparazzi or my ex-husband or to help me find my leg, just who in the hell am I supposed to call?”

TV personality Regis Philbin is recovering after having bypass surgery. The 75 year old talk show host has recently had chest pains and shortness of breath, which prompted the procedure. We here at QSE News would like to take a moment to recognize all of you who prayed for Philbin’s recovery. Look what you did”¦ jerks.

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/16/2007

Filed under: Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:01 am

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Orson Welles vs. Frozen Peas… (Thingamabob)

Never try and record an ad drunk, even if you’re Orson Welles… (Thingamabob)

Or get your hair styled… (Thingamabob)

Here’s Orson roasting Dean Martin… (Thingamabob)

And finally, let’s really sell that wine… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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March 15, 2007

Music For The Masses: 3/15/07

Filed under: Columns,Music for the Masses — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:02 am

Welcome, my friends, to another steamin’ pile of Music for the Masses. How the hell are ya’? Doing well, I hope. Of course, when people ask ME that question, I just say that I’m “hangin’ loose, full of juice and ready for use” because a) it’s true and b) I’m what some might call “a dude.” Now, if you’re not “a dude,” I would caution you against the use of this greeting. Trust me on this one”¦ it sounds creepy coming from a girl. Kind of implies you just got done with Kobe “The First 8 Inches Were Consensual” Bryant, slam dunked Shaq and are looking to complete the hat trick by having me toss my “hot dog” down your well-traveled hallway. Know what I’m saying? Like they say in those Verizon commercials”¦ “Can you hear me know? However, to keep it fair, ladies, I’m going to give you your own snappy greeting. So, next time somebody asks “how the hell you’re doing?,” fire back with something classy like “I’ve got it tucked tight, outta sight, so buy me more drinks if you want to see it tonight.” Shhh”¦ I know. You’re welcome.

kobe-m4m

No”¦ the statute of limitations on “Kobe Jokes” is not “up.” Sorry.

But enough about all that, my friends, for we have a couple of choice selections to check out today. That’s right, our proverbial plate is piled high this week with a huge, tasty slice of ShitDisco and, thanks to Double A, a big-ass portion of Fratellis, ladled with love and a gentle hand. Oh yeah, and for dessert, J.D. serves up”¦well, not a goddamned thing. Thanks, J.D.!! So, in his place, I’m running a picture of J.D. in his “tight pants,” a picture of him having sex and a recipe for homemade bolgna. Sound like fun? Well, how’s about we find out?

Artist: ShitDisco

Album: Kingdom of Fear

Sounds Like: A bunch of kids waving glow sticks while “trancing” to Franz Ferdinand.

I’m not sure if any of you have ever been in a band, but believe me when I tell you that, hands down, one of the most FRUSTRATING parts about being in “THE BAND” is naming the goddamned thing. Sure”¦it sounds easy, I know. But, inevitably, you’ll have one guy in the band, more than likely that damn drummer, who’s not on the same page as the rest of you and will torpedo ideas faster than you can bury Anna Nicole”¦umm, wait a minute. Scratch that one. Bad analogy. Whatever.

anna-m4m

What I’m trying to say is, naming a band is tough. And not for lack of trying. See, I’m the kind of guy that is continually thinking up band names, even during the most mundane of tasks, and believe me when I tell you that I’m giving these guys fucking gold on a daily basis. Don’t believe me? Allow me to illustrate. Just the other day, as I was getting serviced by a hook”¦I mean, my girlfriend”¦I thought it would be cool to name the band either “Jack MayOff and the Gentle Rubs,” “Knob Goblin” or “Sperm Burglar.” Later, as I was taking a shit and reading the latest issues of “Jumbo Jugs,” I thought to myself, “hey, self, how about we name the band ‘Turtlin’ or, even better, ‘Droppin’ Dueces?'” For fuck’s sake, people, I can even get solicited by the Special Olympics (thanks for the mailing labels, guys!!) and came up with smokin’ band names like “Special Ed and the High Fives,” “I’m With Stoopid,” “The Glee Club” and “Helmet Head and the Puddin’ Packs.” See? Like I said, solid fucking gold. Of course, my band won’t use any of these but $20 I just gave names to next year’s Grammy winners. “And the award for best new artist goes to”¦I’m so nervous”¦The Glee Club!!”

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That could have been me there in the back”¦ second from the left”¦ apparently with my thumbs up the asses of the guys in front.

But alas, that drumstick wielding bastard wants something that’s “family friendly,” “marketable” and “looks good on a marquis” and generally hates everything that I come up with. Go figure. Yeah, whatever pal. I have one word for you”¦ShitDisco.

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ShitDisco, attempting to “swirl” the world’s largest glow stick.

No, not as a name for our band. You see, ShitDisco is already the name of a band and they are the hottest thing to come out of Glasgow since Franz Ferdinand and, umm, single malt scotch which, I don’t care what anybody says, tastes like gasoline poured over charcoal. But I digress. ShitDisco also pretty much shoots my drummer’s naming notions right in the ass.

Darlings of the Glasgow house-party/rave scene, ShitDisco is a fun, little band that deftly combines their various influences (disco, punk, pop and funk ) into a cheeky, energetic and confident assortment of tunes. Their U.S. debut, Kingdom of Fear, which features the groups U.K. singles and a handful of new tracks, is packed with hook-heavy songs, vigorous and angular guitar riffs, disco-influenced drums and intriguing tempo shifts. If you are looking for an approximation of the sound here, think Franz Ferdinand meets The Talking Heads. Hey”¦fuck off”¦I said “approximation.” Jeez.

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The entertaining-to-annoying ratio on this disc definitely favors the entertaining, but be forewarned that the album looses steam as it goes. The one notable exception being the second-to-last track, the buzzing, Devo-esque “OK.” Other disc highlights include the U.K. quasi-hits “Disco Blood,” “Kung Fu,” “Reactor Party” and, for me at least, the bombastic, staccato attack of “72 Virgins.” Overall, I found this music kind of hard to wave a glow stick to while I was all hopped up on X, but it’s still a damn good time and if this is what those English and Scottish kids are “raving” to now, bully for them because this is some damn good shit.

But don’t take my word for it. Hop on over and check out a couple of ShitDisco’s better tracks at www.myspace.com/shitdisco. Now, if you’ll excuse me”¦I have to go practice with my band”¦The Bald Brittany’s.

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Yikes! It appears that Billy Corgan has REALLY let himself go.

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Let’s start with a little quiz, shall we?

The Fratellis are:

A) Double A’s favorite new rap group consisting of members of The Wu-Tang Clan and The Wiggles.

B) Some Scottish band who has been around for a few years but is finally making the jump to the States via an iPod commercial.

C) A damn fine pizza place in my home town.

D) A sexual maneuver requiring a tub of raw cookie dough, a slotted spoon, three “little people” and a bottle of 1000 Island Dressing.

If you said B you are correct. If you said C, you are half right (the pizza place is called Fratelli Brothers) and if you guessed A or D, you’ve been reading my diary and I’d appreciate it if you would stop. If you guessed E) The bad guys from the movie Goonies, you get 15 extra dork points.

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As I said, The Fratellis are a band from Scotland who originally released the album Costello Music in September of last year. The only problem with this release was that it was only available “across the pond,” as those uptight Brits like to call it. But then a funny thing happened. In January, those crazy kids at Apple decided to use the band’s song “Flathead” in their new iPod commercial. The song took off, as did the popularity of the band. Now, a scant six months after its initial release, Costello Music is finally available here in the states. And I gotta tell you, this is one of the finest albums I’ve picked up in a long time. Fo’ Shizzle.

The thing that makes this album so damn good is that it is full of energy. If you were to twist my arm, or promise me a box of cookies, I’d say that these guys sound a bit like the Artic Monkeys, but have even more of a frantic, “punk-esque” quality to them. Every song on this album is great and gets you moving, it doesn’t hurt that most of the songs also have great hooks in them, as evident in the first two singles “Flathead” and “Chelsea Dagger.” But the songs don’t rely on the hooks to be good, as some bands think they should.

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Costello Music is a damn fine album and I heartily recommend it to anyone who likes music. Unless you like country music. Or death metal. Or rap. Or blues. Ok, let me put this another way. If you like good, high tempo rock/punk music pick this album up. It is well worth the time and money spent. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I got a couple of “friends” coming over and I need to get the dressing to room temperature. Peace out.

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Reverb… with J.D.

Since J.D. is pulling a “Studio 60,” or, if you prefer, a “no-show” this week, I thought that I would “save his place” by posting a picture of a hot chick and J.D. wearing a pair of what I will call, for lack of a better term, his Lance “BassMaster’s””¦ because, they”¦ umm, look like jeans you’d wear when you’re “fishin’ for dudes””¦

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That’s it, J.D.!! Wiggle the worm!! WIGGLE the worm!!!

I also thought that it might be nice if you folks at home got a seldom-seen peek at J.D.’s “home life.” So, here’s a picture of J.D. and the “missus” playing a game of “Bury the Bone”¦”

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And, because you are OBVIOUSLY bored enough to have read this far, I thought you might enjoy a recipe for homemade bologna”¦

Homemade Bologna

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Description:

Beef bologna with a delightful garlic and smoke flavor

Yield: 2 rolls/3 lbs

Ingredients:

3 pounds ground chuck (80% lean)
3 Tablespoons Morton’s Tender Quick
1 Cup water
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1 1/2 teaspoons Liquid Smoke

Instructions:

1. Combine all ingredients and mix well.

2. Roll into two logs. Wrap in plastic wrap and put in refrigerator for 24 hours.

3. Remove plastic wrap and place logs on greased pan. Bake for Â½ hour at 300 degrees Fahrenheit and then 2 Â½ hours at 200 degrees Fahrenheit.

4. Allow to cool; store in refrigerator. Slice with sharp knife to desired thickness. Serve with cheese and crackers, or on a sandwich.

Preparation Time: 15 minutes

Cooking Time: 3 hours

TRY IT!!! IT’S J.D.elicious!!!!!

NEW MUSIC RELEASES”¦ 3/20/07

ARTIST	TITLE	GENRE
LCD SOUNDSYSTEM	SOUND OF SILVER	ALT
RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS, THE	DON’T YOU FAKE IT (DELUXE ED)	ALT
CIRERA, DANIEL	HONESTLY; I LOVE YOU COUGH	ALT
FOREIGN ISLANDS	RESTART NOW!	ALT
PONYS, THE	TURN THE LIGHTS OUT	ALT
A NORTHERN CHORUS	THE MILLIONS TOO MANY	NOT LISTED
BEATLEJAZZ	ALL YOU NEED	NOT LISTED
BENEA REACH	MONUMENT BINEOTHAN	NOT LISTED
CALLAHAN, BILL	DIAMOND DANCER	NOT LISTED
CASTING CROWNS	CASTING CROWNS	NOT LISTED
CYANN & BEN	SWEET BELIEFS	NOT LISTED
DENVER GENTLEMEN	INTRODUCING THE DENVER GENTLEM	NOT LISTED
DISTANCE	MY DEMONS	NOT LISTED
DJ T.	BODY LANGUAGE VOL. 2	NOT LISTED
EARTH	HIBERNACULUM	NOT LISTED
EATS TAPES	DOS MUTANTES	NOT LISTED
ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA	BALANCE OF POWER	NOT LISTED
EL-P	I’LL SLEEP WHEN YOU’RE DEAD	NOT LISTED
EVERYDAY PROCESS	EVERYDAY PROCESS	NOT LISTED
EVIDENCE	THE WEATHERMAN LP	NOT LISTED
FANE, JULIAN	OUR NEW QUARTERS	NOT LISTED
FUNERAL	FROM THESE WOUNDS	NOT LISTED
GOMEZ, ROBERT	BRAND NEW TOWNS	NOT LISTED
GOOD SHOES	THE PHOTOS ON MY WALL	NOT LISTED
HUBBARD, FREDDIE	SUPER BLUE	NOT LISTED
I’M FROM BARCELONA	LET ME INTRODUCE MY FRIENDS	NOT LISTED
IN THIS MOMENT	BEAUTIFUL TRAGEDY	NOT LISTED
INFIDEL	I, OATHBREAKER	NOT LISTED
INNOCENCE MISSION	WE WALKED IN SONG	NOT LISTED
INTELLIGENT HOODLUM	SAGA OF A HOODLUM	NOT LISTED
J DILLA	RUFF DRAFT (2XCD)	NOT LISTED
JONES, CHELONIS R.	DISLOCATED GENIUS	NOT LISTED
KARIZMA	A MIND OF IT’S OWN	NOT LISTED
KEMP, ROSE	A HAND FULL OF HURRICANES	NOT LISTED
KING BRITT	DEEP AND SEXY 4	NOT LISTED
KING KONG	BUNCHA BEANS	NOT LISTED
KLUGH, EARL	ULTIMATE EARL KLUGH	NOT LISTED
LAWS, HUBERT	AFRO-CLASSIC	NOT LISTED
LIV KRISTINE	DEUS EX MACHINA	NOT LISTED
LOST EDEN	CYCLE REPEATS	NOT LISTED
LUSINE	PODGELISM	NOT LISTED
MASON, WILLY	IF THE OCEAN GETS ROUGH	NOT LISTED
MASTERPLAN	MKII	NOT LISTED
MODEST MOUSE	WE WERE DEAD BEFORE THE SHIP EVEN SANK	NOT LISTED
MYSTIC CIRCLE	THE BLOODY PATH OF GOD	NOT LISTED
NAILED	A PURE WORLD IS A DEAD WORLD	NOT LISTED
ONSLAUGHT	KILLING PEACE	NOT LISTED
PANDA BEAR	PERSON PITCH	NOT LISTED
PANTALEIMON	CLOUDBURST	NOT LISTED
RADICAL FACE	GHOST	NOT LISTED
RED KRAYOLA	SOLDIER TALK	NOT LISTED
RTX	WESTERN XTERMINATOR	NOT LISTED
SAPAT	MORTISE AND TENON	NOT LISTED
SIRENIA	NINE DESTINIES AND A DOWNFALL	NOT LISTED
SJ ESAU	WRONG FACED CAT FEED COLLAPSE	NOT LISTED
SWALLOW THE SUN	HOPE	NOT LISTED
TAYO	FABRICLIVE 32	NOT LISTED
TEAM EMBASSADOR	SYSTEM OVERLOAD	NOT LISTED
TEST SWITCH ISOLATOR	LET’S DANCE	NOT LISTED
THORN, TRACEY	OUT OF THE WOODS	NOT LISTED
WEISS, MARY	DANGEROUS GAME	NOT LISTED
WELCOME	SIRS	NOT LISTED
ZODIACS	GONE	NOT LISTED
STONE, JOSS	INTRODUCING JOSS STONE	POP
BIG D & THE KIDS TABLE	STRICTLY RUDE	ROCK
BUTLER TRIO, JOHN	Grand National	ROCK
DAATH	The Hinderers	ROCK
DRAWING VOICES	DRAWING VOICES	ROCK
ELECTRA, JUSTINE	SOFT ROCK	ROCK
ELLIOT YAMIN	Elliott Yamin	ROCK
HAIL SOCIAL	MODERN LOVE & DEATH	ROCK
HASTE THE DAY	PRESSURE THE HINGES	ROCK
Hot Rod Circuit	The Underground is a Dying Breed	ROCK
JESSE MALIN	GLITTER IN THE GUTTER	ROCK
JOY ELECTRIC	OTHERLY OPUS, THE	ROCK
KARLZEN, MARY	THE WANDERLUST DIARIES	ROCK
LAND OF TALK	APPLAUSE CHEER BOO HISS	ROCK
LEO, TED AND THE PHARMACISTS	LIVING WITH THE LIVING	ROCK
LOCUST, THE	NEW ERECTIONS	ROCK
LOW	DRUMS AND GUNS	ROCK
MCCARTHY TRENCHING	MCCARTHY TRENCHING	ROCK
OTHER MEN	WAKE UP SWIMMING	ROCK
PIERCES, THE	THIRTEEN TALES OF LOVE AND REV	ROCK
The Snake, The Cross, The Crown	Cotton Teeth	ROCK
THE TOSSERS	Agony	ROCK
WIESE, JOHN	SOFT PUNK	ROCK
WILLOWZ	CHAUTAUQUA	ROCK
ZINCS, THE	BLACK POMPADOUR	ROCK
Friends Of Rock-n-Roll, The	The Friends Of Rock-n-Roll	POP
LOST IN THE TREES	Time Taunts Me	POP
MAN OF SORROWS	Man of Sorrows	POP
POISON ARROWS	Straight Into The Drift	POP
STERLING	Cursed	POP
VANDEEVER	Grace & Speed	POP

Well, there you have it, my friends. Sorry for the “shortie,” but please be sure to tune in next week as we check in with the latest from Modest Mouse amongst other things. So, until next week, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!!

Send your Amish Bologna recipes, review copies, assorted hate mail and sundry presents to:

M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

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“Oooooh”¦ Shiny.”: An Open Letter to Aaron Sorkin

Filed under: Columns,Oooooh Shiny — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:19 am

An Open Letter to Aaron Sorkin:

Dear Aaron –

I know it’s probably too late to save Studio 60.

Aaron, man, that show had potential. I Netflixed the pilot weeks before the fall season began and I thought it was a great pilot with lots of potential. But, as a wise professor once lectured to me in a college sociological linguistics course; “when someone tells you that you got a lot of potential, they’re basically telling you that you got a whole lot of nothing.” The professor paused for emphasis, as he would after saying something important (almost as if to say WRITE THIS DOWN, YOU IDIOTS), then he repeated “You got a whole lot of nothing.” Well, Aaron, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip turned its potential into a whole lot of nothing.

“Buy the premise, buy the bit.” You quoted the maxim – or actually, you misquoted it in one of your episodes. According to your newly arrived, temporary supervising writer, “buy the premise, buy the bit” means that you have to establish the premise early in the sketch. That’s not really it. You do have to establish it, but it’s more than that. You have to believe it. You have to BUY IN to the premise. You gotta believe that there is a world in which these truths you establish really are true.

I’m sorry, Aaron – you’re a great writer and I’m a fan. Loved West Wing. Loved Sports Night. Loved The American President, but I’m afraid there are a bunch of premises in your show that I don’t buy.

PREMISE # 1: The main female cast member of Studio 60 can’t tell a joke.

That premise made sense in My Favorite Year, when the character in question was an assistant, but when the character’s stock in trade is comedy, I think that even if she’s not known for telling jokes, I think she would be able to memorize a joke and repeat it. Not only does this premise bother me, but Aaron, buddy – did you think people wouldn’t realize that Matt used the exact same joke that was used in My Favorite Year to illustrate the point? I know. I know. It was an homage. Right.

PREMISE # 2: Jordan McDeere, the Network President spends most of her time worrying about one late night program.

Maybe if she allowed her VP of Late Night (if she had one) to hang out at Studio 60, she would have kept a closer eye on the Dracula tentpole miniseries that apparently self-destructed. Ever since she got pregnant, she has spent more time eating than programming, and unless she’s planning to outbid NBC for the next cycle of The Biggest Loser, the NBS schedule is doomed to failure.

PREMISE #3: The NBS network seems to have miraculously held out from airing reality shows. They didn’t even have a head of alternative programming until very recently.

I guess that makes sense considering there seems to be an overall shortage of Vice Presidents (unless their late night VP went out for a lunch meeting and was kidnapped by Judd Hirsch’s character and is now being held hostage).

PREMISE #4: Matt Albie and Danny Tripp are either so insensitive or stupid that they schedule a sketch about taking hostages while an actual hostage siege is underway.

Despite the utterance of “there is no way this ends well,” neither Matt or Danny thought the real world crisis should prevent them from running the sketch – until, of course, people were killed. In any real life situation, a good producer would have kept the sketch on hold until the outcome of the real crisis was decided.

PREMISE #5: We are supposed to believe that middle aged people from any place in the United States have never heard of Abbott and Costello and their classic “Who’s on First?” sketch.

I understand that you needed to make this happen for the story, Aaron, but I don’t personally buy it. Sure, I’m one of those New Yorkers who watched Abbott and Costello movies every Sunday morning (after Wonderama, or course), but I’m sure mid-westerners had access to Bud and Lou, too. I mean, they started doing the routine in 1938 and it’s been performed and parodied ever since in all media known to man – and a few that aren’t.

PREMISE #6: Apparently, when a show needs help, you just add a blonde.

It might have worked with Melrose Place, but on Studio 60 it didn’t really make an impact. By my count, three blonde women were added to the cast on three different occasions (the English writer Lucy, the alternative programming chief Hallie Gallaway and most recently, the attorney defending the show in a sexual harassment case). Come to think of it, blondes were also added during the run of The West Wing (Emily Procter, Mary McCormack and Kristin Chenoweth). Now, I have nothing against blondes, but next time, to be fair, why not try throwing a brunette or a redhead at the problem? If it doesn’t work, you can always have them dye their hair.

PREMISE #7: Studio 60, the show within the show, is a funny show.>

This may be the toughest premise to buy – and sadly, one of the more crucial. Here is the problem: the show isn’t that funny. In all of the sketches that we’ve seen, I laughed a grand total of… once (it was the “Dateline Santa Claus” predator sketch, in case you’re wondering). It’s all about cause and effect. If the show isn’t funny, and the show isn’t doing well, then it makes sense, but Studio 60 is supposed to be doing fairly well in the ratings. With that show? I don’t think so. By the way, the show’s apparent success is also one of the main problems of the series – the entire series’ story arc was resolved in a couple of episodes. Episode 1 – Studio 60 the sketch show is in trouble after Judd Hirsch rants on air. Matt and Danny are hired to fix the show. Episode 2 – They fix the show and ratings are strong. Huh? Wouldn’t it have been more interesting for it to have taken… oh, I don’t know… FIVE YEARS to get the show back to its ratings glory? Each year should be a struggle to get renewal from NBS, but we never really heard the word “Cancellation” bandied about the studio.

PREMISE #8: It may take a village to raise a child, but it only takes one guy to write a sketch comedy show.

Early on, it is made clear that Matt Albee writes almost the entire show by himself. Now, I went to the WGA Awards a few weeks ago and watched as no fewer than 25 writers from Saturday Night Live walked up to the stage and accepted their awards. If only Matt Albee was the sole writer of SNL, the Guild would have saved a buttload of cash on award statuettes. Even if we make the leap that Matt writes the show himself, (I guess it’s not that much of a leap considering how lousy the show is), it’s hard to then make a big deal about the writing staff leaving. Yup, that’s right, only a few episodes after Matt makes it clear that he doesn’t need Ricky, Ron or the other writers, he makes a big deal when the writing staff quits. Aaron, it’s hard to have a story point like this mean anything without conflict. Conflict would have been: “I really need these writers. I can’t do without these writers. Oh no! The writers just quit.” It doesn’t really work in this situation: “I don’t need these writers. I write the whole show. Oh No. The writers just quit. Ummm.. So what?”

PREMISE #9: These people have never heard of a rerun.

Okay, I get it. We’re supposed to be worried that several members of the cast are stranded in Nevada with guest star John Goodman. “Oh no! We have a live show in 12 hours!! What’s going to happen???!!!!” If I was the head of NBS late night programming (if they had one), I would have handled that situation like this. “Hello, Danny? Put on a Best of Studio 60 tonight – how about that classic episode from the 80’s with guest host Gary Coleman? That was a really funny one!”

You will notice that for someone with so many issues about this show, I seem to know a lot about it. I never miss it. My wife and I find ourselves yelling at the screen, but we never miss an episode. I guess that’s what matters. Perhaps, the grand irony, Mr. Sorkin, is that if you ever do fix all of the problems with Studio 60, I probably would not watch it as religiously. Now, it’s the show I love to hate. If you fixed it, it might become a show I hate to love.

It is appointment television – I grant you that. However, I also make appointments to go to the dentist – and right now, the dentist makes a lot more sense and doesn’t walk and talk a 360 around the studio for no apparent reason.

What exactly went wrong? I don’t know, but sometimes I feel like I would like to move to the fantasy world in which Studio 60 is meant to take place. I assume that in this world, Matt Santos is happily serving as President of the United States, with his Chief of Staff Josh Lyman at his side. Meanwhile, Josh’s doppelganger, Danny Tripp, is running the venerable Studio 60 television program, a show that has managed to become legendary – no mean feat considering that its sketches are not funny, its running characters barely even limp and two of its female cast members never seem to say a word. In this world, if Studio 60 is a big hit, just imagine what I could do!!

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QSE News: 3/15/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:13 am

Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

While R. Kelly is getting ready to release his next album, Double Up, he is offering fans a chance to get an early listen by calling a number set up to preview some of the new songs. When callers dial the number they will be greeted by a prompt that asks them to press one for new songs and press two if they’d like R. Kelly to come to their house and pee on them.

Actress Tori Spelling gave birth to a baby boy on Tuesday.Â Both mother and baby, which weighed in at 6 pounds, 6 ounces, are said to be doing well.Â The birth itself went off without a complication, except for when the baby burst through Spelling’s stomach and attacked the hospital staff.

Part-time actress and full-time hottie, Angelina Jolie, has apparently adopted another child, bringing her total number of children to four.Â When asked why she was adopting the three-year old Vietnamese boy, Jolie responded that she had just purchased “a really nice rug and some drapes and the other children just don’t go with it.”

Michael Lohan, the estranged father of actress/alcoholic Lindsay Lohan, has been released from a Buffalo prison after serving almost two years for attempted assault and driving while intoxicated.Â Lohan says that he has changed his ways and hopes to reconcile with his daughter.Â “I have a lot to teach her,” said Lohan. “Like what not to do to attract the cops attention while she’s driving home drunk.Â I think I can really help her there.”

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/15/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:08 am

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A little bit from the great W.C. Fields… (Thingamabob)

Spinal Tap’s “Listen To The Flower People”… (Thingamabob)

New Jordan, Jesse GO! Go! (Thingamabob)

Disney’s Pinnochio, scene by scene… (Thingamabob)

Belushi, Chase, Hendra, & Guest – a little bit from National Lampoon’s Woodstock evisceration, Lemmings… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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