Welcome, my friends, to another steamin’ pile of Music for the Masses. How the hell are ya’? Doing well, I hope. Of course, when people ask ME that question, I just say that I’m “hangin’ loose, full of juice and ready for use” because a) it’s true and b) I’m what some might call “a dude.” Now, if you’re not “a dude,” I would caution you against the use of this greeting. Trust me on this one… it sounds creepy coming from a girl. Kind of implies you just got done with Kobe “The First 8 Inches Were Consensual” Bryant, slam dunked Shaq and are looking to complete the hat trick by having me toss my “hot dog” down your well-traveled hallway. Know what I’m saying? Like they say in those Verizon commercials… “Can you hear me know? However, to keep it fair, ladies, I’m going to give you your own snappy greeting. So, next time somebody asks “how the hell you’re doing?,” fire back with something classy like “I’ve got it tucked tight, outta sight, so buy me more drinks if you want to see it tonight.” Shhh… I know. You’re welcome.
No… the statute of limitations on “Kobe Jokes” is not “up.” Sorry.
But enough about all that, my friends, for we have a couple of choice selections to check out today. That’s right, our proverbial plate is piled high this week with a huge, tasty slice of ShitDisco and, thanks to Double A, a big-ass portion of Fratellis, ladled with love and a gentle hand. Oh yeah, and for dessert, J.D. serves up…well, not a goddamned thing. Thanks, J.D.!! So, in his place, I’m running a picture of J.D. in his “tight pants,” a picture of him having sex and a recipe for homemade bolgna. Sound like fun? Well, how’s about we find out?
Album: Kingdom of Fear
Sounds Like: A bunch of kids waving glow sticks while “trancing” to Franz Ferdinand.
I’m not sure if any of you have ever been in a band, but believe me when I tell you that, hands down, one of the most FRUSTRATING parts about being in “THE BAND” is naming the goddamned thing. Sure…it sounds easy, I know. But, inevitably, you’ll have one guy in the band, more than likely that damn drummer, who’s not on the same page as the rest of you and will torpedo ideas faster than you can bury Anna Nicole…umm, wait a minute. Scratch that one. Bad analogy. Whatever.
What I’m trying to say is, naming a band is tough. And not for lack of trying. See, I’m the kind of guy that is continually thinking up band names, even during the most mundane of tasks, and believe me when I tell you that I’m giving these guys fucking gold on a daily basis. Don’t believe me? Allow me to illustrate. Just the other day, as I was getting serviced by a hook…I mean, my girlfriend…I thought it would be cool to name the band either “Jack MayOff and the Gentle Rubs,” “Knob Goblin” or “Sperm Burglar.” Later, as I was taking a shit and reading the latest issues of “Jumbo Jugs,” I thought to myself, “hey, self, how about we name the band ‘Turtlin’ or, even better, ‘Droppin’ Dueces?’” For fuck’s sake, people, I can even get solicited by the Special Olympics (thanks for the mailing labels, guys!!) and came up with smokin’ band names like “Special Ed and the High Fives,” “I’m With Stoopid,” “The Glee Club” and “Helmet Head and the Puddin’ Packs.” See? Like I said, solid fucking gold. Of course, my band won’t use any of these but $20 I just gave names to next year’s Grammy winners. “And the award for best new artist goes to…I’m so nervous…The Glee Club!!”
That could have been me there in the back… second from the left… apparently with my thumbs up the asses of the guys in front.
But alas, that drumstick wielding bastard wants something that’s “family friendly,” “marketable” and “looks good on a marquis” and generally hates everything that I come up with. Go figure. Yeah, whatever pal. I have one word for you…ShitDisco.
ShitDisco, attempting to “swirl” the world’s largest glow stick.
No, not as a name for our band. You see, ShitDisco is already the name of a band and they are the hottest thing to come out of Glasgow since Franz Ferdinand and, umm, single malt scotch which, I don’t care what anybody says, tastes like gasoline poured over charcoal. But I digress. ShitDisco also pretty much shoots my drummer’s naming notions right in the ass.
Darlings of the Glasgow house-party/rave scene, ShitDisco is a fun, little band that deftly combines their various influences (disco, punk, pop and funk ) into a cheeky, energetic and confident assortment of tunes. Their U.S. debut, Kingdom of Fear, which features the groups U.K. singles and a handful of new tracks, is packed with hook-heavy songs, vigorous and angular guitar riffs, disco-influenced drums and intriguing tempo shifts. If you are looking for an approximation of the sound here, think Franz Ferdinand meets The Talking Heads. Hey…fuck off…I said “approximation.” Jeez.
The entertaining-to-annoying ratio on this disc definitely favors the entertaining, but be forewarned that the album looses steam as it goes. The one notable exception being the second-to-last track, the buzzing, Devo-esque “OK.” Other disc highlights include the U.K. quasi-hits “Disco Blood,” “Kung Fu,” “Reactor Party” and, for me at least, the bombastic, staccato attack of “72 Virgins.” Overall, I found this music kind of hard to wave a glow stick to while I was all hopped up on X, but it’s still a damn good time and if this is what those English and Scottish kids are “raving” to now, bully for them because this is some damn good shit.
But don’t take my word for it. Hop on over and check out a couple of ShitDisco’s better tracks at www.myspace.com/shitdisco. Now, if you’ll excuse me…I have to go practice with my band…The Bald Brittany’s.
Yikes! It appears that Billy Corgan has REALLY let himself go.
Let’s start with a little quiz, shall we?
The Fratellis are:
A) Double A’s favorite new rap group consisting of members of The Wu-Tang Clan and The Wiggles.
B) Some Scottish band who has been around for a few years but is finally making the jump to the States via an iPod commercial.
C) A damn fine pizza place in my home town.
D) A sexual maneuver requiring a tub of raw cookie dough, a slotted spoon, three “little people” and a bottle of 1000 Island Dressing.
If you said B you are correct. If you said C, you are half right (the pizza place is called Fratelli Brothers) and if you guessed A or D, you’ve been reading my diary and I’d appreciate it if you would stop. If you guessed E) The bad guys from the movie Goonies, you get 15 extra dork points.
As I said, The Fratellis are a band from Scotland who originally released the album Costello Music in September of last year. The only problem with this release was that it was only available “across the pond,” as those uptight Brits like to call it. But then a funny thing happened. In January, those crazy kids at Apple decided to use the band’s song “Flathead” in their new iPod commercial. The song took off, as did the popularity of the band. Now, a scant six months after its initial release, Costello Music is finally available here in the states. And I gotta tell you, this is one of the finest albums I’ve picked up in a long time. Fo’ Shizzle.
The thing that makes this album so damn good is that it is full of energy. If you were to twist my arm, or promise me a box of cookies, I’d say that these guys sound a bit like the Artic Monkeys, but have even more of a frantic, “punk-esque” quality to them. Every song on this album is great and gets you moving, it doesn’t hurt that most of the songs also have great hooks in them, as evident in the first two singles “Flathead” and “Chelsea Dagger.” But the songs don’t rely on the hooks to be good, as some bands think they should.
Costello Music is a damn fine album and I heartily recommend it to anyone who likes music. Unless you like country music. Or death metal. Or rap. Or blues. Ok, let me put this another way. If you like good, high tempo rock/punk music pick this album up. It is well worth the time and money spent. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I got a couple of “friends” coming over and I need to get the dressing to room temperature. Peace out.
Reverb… with J.D.
Since J.D. is pulling a “Studio 60,” or, if you prefer, a “no-show” this week, I thought that I would “save his place” by posting a picture of a hot chick and J.D. wearing a pair of what I will call, for lack of a better term, his Lance “BassMaster’s”… because, they… umm, look like jeans you’d wear when you’re “fishin’ for dudes”…
That’s it, J.D.!! Wiggle the worm!! WIGGLE the worm!!!
I also thought that it might be nice if you folks at home got a seldom-seen peek at J.D.’s “home life.” So, here’s a picture of J.D. and the “missus” playing a game of “Bury the Bone…”
And, because you are OBVIOUSLY bored enough to have read this far, I thought you might enjoy a recipe for homemade bologna…
Beef bologna with a delightful garlic and smoke flavor
Yield: 2 rolls/3 lbs
3 pounds ground chuck (80% lean)
3 Tablespoons Morton’s Tender Quick
1 Cup water
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1 1/2 teaspoons Liquid Smoke
1. Combine all ingredients and mix well.
2. Roll into two logs. Wrap in plastic wrap and put in refrigerator for 24 hours.
3. Remove plastic wrap and place logs on greased pan. Bake for ½ hour at 300 degrees Fahrenheit and then 2 ½ hours at 200 degrees Fahrenheit.
4. Allow to cool; store in refrigerator. Slice with sharp knife to desired thickness. Serve with cheese and crackers, or on a sandwich.
Preparation Time: 15 minutes
Cooking Time: 3 hours
TRY IT!!! IT’S J.D.elicious!!!!!
NEW MUSIC RELEASES… 3/20/07
|LCD SOUNDSYSTEM||SOUND OF SILVER||ALT|
|RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS, THE||DON’T YOU FAKE IT (DELUXE ED)||ALT|
|CIRERA, DANIEL||HONESTLY; I LOVE YOU *COUGH*||ALT|
|FOREIGN ISLANDS||RESTART NOW!||ALT|
|PONYS, THE||TURN THE LIGHTS OUT||ALT|
|A NORTHERN CHORUS||THE MILLIONS TOO MANY||NOT LISTED|
|BEATLEJAZZ||ALL YOU NEED||NOT LISTED|
|BENEA REACH||MONUMENT BINEOTHAN||NOT LISTED|
|CALLAHAN, BILL||DIAMOND DANCER||NOT LISTED|
|CASTING CROWNS||CASTING CROWNS||NOT LISTED|
|CYANN & BEN||SWEET BELIEFS||NOT LISTED|
|DENVER GENTLEMEN||INTRODUCING THE DENVER GENTLEM||NOT LISTED|
|DISTANCE||MY DEMONS||NOT LISTED|
|DJ T.||BODY LANGUAGE VOL. 2||NOT LISTED|
|EATS TAPES||DOS MUTANTES||NOT LISTED|
|ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA||BALANCE OF POWER||NOT LISTED|
|EL-P||I’LL SLEEP WHEN YOU’RE DEAD||NOT LISTED|
|EVERYDAY PROCESS||EVERYDAY PROCESS||NOT LISTED|
|EVIDENCE||THE WEATHERMAN LP||NOT LISTED|
|FANE, JULIAN||OUR NEW QUARTERS||NOT LISTED|
|FUNERAL||FROM THESE WOUNDS||NOT LISTED|
|GOMEZ, ROBERT||BRAND NEW TOWNS||NOT LISTED|
|GOOD SHOES||THE PHOTOS ON MY WALL||NOT LISTED|
|HUBBARD, FREDDIE||SUPER BLUE||NOT LISTED|
|I’M FROM BARCELONA||LET ME INTRODUCE MY FRIENDS||NOT LISTED|
|IN THIS MOMENT||BEAUTIFUL TRAGEDY||NOT LISTED|
|INFIDEL||I, OATHBREAKER||NOT LISTED|
|INNOCENCE MISSION||WE WALKED IN SONG||NOT LISTED|
|INTELLIGENT HOODLUM||SAGA OF A HOODLUM||NOT LISTED|
|J DILLA||RUFF DRAFT (2XCD)||NOT LISTED|
|JONES, CHELONIS R.||DISLOCATED GENIUS||NOT LISTED|
|KARIZMA||A MIND OF IT’S OWN||NOT LISTED|
|KEMP, ROSE||A HAND FULL OF HURRICANES||NOT LISTED|
|KING BRITT||DEEP AND SEXY 4||NOT LISTED|
|KING KONG||BUNCHA BEANS||NOT LISTED|
|KLUGH, EARL||ULTIMATE EARL KLUGH||NOT LISTED|
|LAWS, HUBERT||AFRO-CLASSIC||NOT LISTED|
|LIV KRISTINE||DEUS EX MACHINA||NOT LISTED|
|LOST EDEN||CYCLE REPEATS||NOT LISTED|
|MASON, WILLY||IF THE OCEAN GETS ROUGH||NOT LISTED|
|MODEST MOUSE||WE WERE DEAD BEFORE THE SHIP EVEN SANK||NOT LISTED|
|MYSTIC CIRCLE||THE BLOODY PATH OF GOD||NOT LISTED|
|NAILED||A PURE WORLD IS A DEAD WORLD||NOT LISTED|
|ONSLAUGHT||KILLING PEACE||NOT LISTED|
|PANDA BEAR||PERSON PITCH||NOT LISTED|
|RADICAL FACE||GHOST||NOT LISTED|
|RED KRAYOLA||SOLDIER TALK||NOT LISTED|
|RTX||WESTERN XTERMINATOR||NOT LISTED|
|SAPAT||MORTISE AND TENON||NOT LISTED|
|SIRENIA||NINE DESTINIES AND A DOWNFALL||NOT LISTED|
|SJ ESAU||WRONG FACED CAT FEED COLLAPSE||NOT LISTED|
|SWALLOW THE SUN||HOPE||NOT LISTED|
|TAYO||FABRICLIVE 32||NOT LISTED|
|TEAM EMBASSADOR||SYSTEM OVERLOAD||NOT LISTED|
|TEST SWITCH ISOLATOR||LET’S DANCE||NOT LISTED|
|THORN, TRACEY||OUT OF THE WOODS||NOT LISTED|
|WEISS, MARY||DANGEROUS GAME||NOT LISTED|
|STONE, JOSS||INTRODUCING JOSS STONE||POP|
|BIG D & THE KIDS TABLE||STRICTLY RUDE||ROCK|
|BUTLER TRIO, JOHN||Grand National||ROCK|
|DRAWING VOICES||DRAWING VOICES||ROCK|
|ELECTRA, JUSTINE||SOFT ROCK||ROCK|
|ELLIOT YAMIN||Elliott Yamin||ROCK|
|HAIL SOCIAL||MODERN LOVE & DEATH||ROCK|
|HASTE THE DAY||PRESSURE THE HINGES||ROCK|
|Hot Rod Circuit||The Underground is a Dying Breed||ROCK|
|JESSE MALIN||GLITTER IN THE GUTTER||ROCK|
|JOY ELECTRIC||OTHERLY OPUS, THE||ROCK|
|KARLZEN, MARY||THE WANDERLUST DIARIES||ROCK|
|LAND OF TALK||APPLAUSE CHEER BOO HISS||ROCK|
|LEO, TED AND THE PHARMACISTS||LIVING WITH THE LIVING||ROCK|
|LOCUST, THE||NEW ERECTIONS||ROCK|
|LOW||DRUMS AND GUNS||ROCK|
|MCCARTHY TRENCHING||MCCARTHY TRENCHING||ROCK|
|OTHER MEN||WAKE UP SWIMMING||ROCK|
|PIERCES, THE||THIRTEEN TALES OF LOVE AND REV||ROCK|
|The Snake, The Cross, The Crown||Cotton Teeth||ROCK|
|WIESE, JOHN||SOFT PUNK||ROCK|
|ZINCS, THE||BLACK POMPADOUR||ROCK|
|Friends Of Rock-n-Roll, The||The Friends Of Rock-n-Roll||POP|
|LOST IN THE TREES||Time Taunts Me||POP|
|MAN OF SORROWS||Man of Sorrows||POP|
|POISON ARROWS||Straight Into The Drift||POP|
|VANDEEVER||Grace & Speed||POP|
Well, there you have it, my friends. Sorry for the “shortie,” but please be sure to tune in next week as we check in with the latest from Modest Mouse amongst other things. So, until next week, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!!
Send your Amish Bologna recipes, review copies, assorted hate mail and sundry presents to:
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001
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