FRED Entertainment

February 19, 2007

SModcast 3

Filed under: SModcast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:00 pm

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SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.

The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.

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SModcast 3: Sex and Violence and Bathrobes –

In which our heroes plot to bilk the innocent out of a buck a pop, reminisce about an over-crowded condo, spend far too much time dreaming up the ultimate guest list, finally reveal the horrifying tale (tail?) of the Dog Fight, relive their own bloodiest battles, make with talk of a first handy, and recall a homoerotic adventure that finds two teens partially disrobing, strictly for the sake of boyhood shenanigans.

[CONTENT WARNING] SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
SModcast 3 (MP3 format) – 58.47 MB

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Wanna add your two cents? Spend it here, in the SModcast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SMODCAST ARCHIVES

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Widge Goes Off #22: This Product Can Be Ignited Under Certain Circumstances

Filed under: Widge Goes Off — widge @ 5:36 am

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[CONTENT WARNING] This podcast contains foul language and a content warning that’s so good apparently people can rip it off to use on their own podcasts.

DOWNLOAD: The link is below. Scroll, my minions. Scroll.

widgepic.jpgAll the box office nonsense I could tolerate, assuming there’s any at all, is in the podcast. For more, check out Box Office Mojo.

I’m not done with Speedball/Penance. Now you can buy a t-shirt.

P.S. Yes, I know I refer to Identity Catharsis as Infinite Catharsis. The mega-mondo events kind of ooze together into one big glob for me.

Special thanks to Exit Mindbomb for letting me use “Godzilla Will Rule You” from their album Happy Accident for my new WGO music. Check them out on MySpace here and I tried to link up as many songs as I could here.

Widgett Walls is the chief cook and bottle washer for Needcoffee.com. He’s also the author of Mystics on the Road to Vanishing Point and Magnificent Desolation. His personal blog is at WidgettWalls.com, which he updates when he feels like it. He lives and works in Atlanta, Georgia. He hardly ever sleeps.

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Contest: Win Louis Theroux’s Call of the Weird!

Filed under: Contests — widge @ 3:37 am

Quick Stop Entertainment, in conjunction with Da Capo Books, is giving away a pair of copies of Louis Theroux’s new book, Call Of The Weird.

Long before Comedy Central’s The Daily Show was a glimmer in creator Lizz Winstead’s eye, there was another program that brilliantly satirized programs like 60 Minutes and 20/20 ““ it was Michael Moore’s TV Nation. One of the TV Nation correspondents was a Brit by the name of Louis Theroux, whose segments included memorable visits with the “new” Klu Klux Klan and NRA rocker Ted Nugent. In fact, it was exactly those profiles of subculture and celebrity that Theroux would explore with his post-TV Nation series Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekends, which originally aired on Bravo in the US and the BBC in the UK. In it, Louis traveled around America, seeking out and trying to make sense of fascinatingly oddball American subcultures such as professional wrestling, rappers, swingers, UFO enthusiasts, etc. In addition, he’s spent face-to-face time with various unique, somewhat eccentric celebrities in his series When Louis Met”¦. Sadly, the Best of Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekends volumes available in the UK have not made their way to the US yet, but his recent companion book thankfully has. The Call of the Weird: Travels In American Subcultures (Da Capo Press, $24.00 SRP) finds Theroux following up on some of the subjects of those Weird Weekends, and it’s a positively wonderful read. Here’s hoping that a network in the US sees fit to begin airing his work Stateside ““ particularly as he’s just begun a brand new series of specials for the BBC, the first of which took him to Las Vegas in an effort to understand the siren call of gambling.

Enter the contest!
Email:
First name:
Last name:
Street Address:
Address Line 2 (if needed):
City:
State/Province/Whatever:
Zip Code/Postal Code:
Country:
Birth Month:
Birth Day:
Birth Year:

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59PM, EST, March 4th, 2007.

Winners will be notified by e-mail after the contest has closed.

Interview: Kerri Kenney-Silver

Filed under: Interviews — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:16 am

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-by Ken Plume

kerri-kenney-01.jpgThe big screen adventures of Reno’s “finest” opens this Friday, as Comedy Central’s Reno 911! makes its way from the small screen to the big in Reno 911!: Miami.

At the core of Reno‘s amazing troupe of actors is a trio whose performing history goes back to the legendary MTV via NYU sketch group The State – Thomas Lennon, Ben Garant, and Kerri Kenney-Silver.

After The State came to a close, Lennon, Garant & Kenney-Silver wrote & starred in the Euro-variety spoof Viva Variety. Their greatest TV success, though, would come with their portrayal as deputies Dangle, Junior, and Wiegel on Reno 911!, which is currently filming its fifth season (in addition to the release of that aforementioned feature). The first 3 seasons of Reno are currently available on DVD, and a single-disc “best-of” collection – Reno 911!: Most Wanted – has just been released.

I recently got a chance to go in-depth with Kerri Kenney-Silver about Reno, The State, Viva Variety, and much more…

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kerri-kenney-03.jpgKEN PLUME: It’s a pleasure to be speaking with you.

KERRI KENNEY-SILVER: It’s a pleasure to be speaking with you. I just clicked on, last night, the interview you did with Tom and Ben for Balls of Fury. It was really funny.

PLUME: Did that work?

KENNEY-SILVER: It was great. It was really great.

PLUME: It’s kind of being put in the hot seat, to talk to both of them…

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh, please.

PLUME: Particularly when I’ve heard such horror stories about what they can be like.

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh, please…

PLUME: True enfant terribles.

KENNEY-SILVER: (laughing)

PLUME: Which I guess, considering how old they’ve gotten, “enfant” really doesn’t apply anymore…

KENNEY-SILVER: It’s so true. We’re so old.

PLUME: No, no, nonsense. They are.

KENNEY-SILVER: We’re like the borscht belt now.

PLUME: You sound like you’re out there touring as The State…

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah, exactly.

PLUME: In Vegas.

KENNEY-SILVER: Right.

PLUME: When you open the new theater at The Mirage, “The State Theater…

KENNEY-SILVER: Right, exactly…

PLUME: Maybe that’s when you need to call it quits.

KENNEY-SILVER: No, that’s when we really get going I think.

PLUME: And, on Sundays, you do Viva Variety.

KENNEY-SILVER: Yep, for a brunch show.

PLUME: Yes, for the kids. Just to change things up a bit.

KENNEY-SILVER: Right.

PLUME: And to give time for everyone else to go off and shoot some special for VH1.

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah. We need some more Where Were They When.

PLUME: Why not go back to the 20s? I remember prohibition in the 30s…

KENNEY-SILVER: Of course. Those are the golden yeas.

PLUME: It’s only a matter of time before they go back.

KENNEY-SILVER: I remember you from then. That was a fun time.

PLUME: The whole flapper movement in the 20s.

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh, you looked great in those skirts.

PLUME: Well, I tried. I didn’t have the legs for it, though.

KENNEY-SILVER: What a figure…

PLUME: Did you real the interview we had done with Carlos (Alazraqui)?

KENNEY-SILVER: I did not. I just heard about it. It’s on your interview with Tom and Ben.

PLUME: In which he claimed credit for everything in the world…

KENNEY-SILVER: Of course he did.

PLUME: And he never corpses…

KENNEY-SILVER: Right, no.

PLUME: In fact he admonishes others when they break down in a scene.

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh Jesus. Did Tom and Ben tell you about the jar that we used to have? That you’d have to put money in every time you laughed?

PLUME: There’s a corpse jar?

KENNEY-SILVER: Yes. You had to put, our first season, five dollars in a jar if you cracked up and it ruined a take. You could crack up in a take, but if it ruined the take, you had to put five dollars in the jar. By the end of the season, Carlos had essentially bought us lunch. The whole crew.

PLUME: Did he even have a fee left by the end?

KENNEY-SILVER: No, exactly. He owed us money for being on the show by the end.

PLUME: So was he one of the chief proponents for getting rid of that for future seasons?

KENNEY-SILVER: We just, you know, it just got so silly because we all… you can’t help but laugh sometimes, and when Tom and Ben and I started laughing in the middle of the take it was like, “You know what? Never mind. Let’s forget about the jar.”

PLUME: So, really, the only ones who lost out were the crew.

KENNEY-SILVER: Exactly. No more free lunches. Now they have to pay for their lunch.

PLUME: You issue little lunch cards, like school, right?

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah. It’s 20 dollars for a rubber veggie burger.

PLUME: It shows how much you care about them.

KENNEY-SILVER: It’s so true. And they deserve it.

PLUME: Sometimes, they even deserve less.

KENNEY-SILVER: That’s true. 25 dollars.

PLUME: Well that’ll be Season Five. They don’t know that yet, do they?

KENNEY-SILVER: Season Five is they cook us lunch.

PLUME: It’d be great if you actually set up little burners for them.

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah, they each get to cook… and we judge them, and they get paid based on how good their lunch is.

PLUME: So, in other words, from now on it’s gonna turn into a county fair.

KENNEY-SILVER: Mm-hmm. Yeah. There’ll be someone making cream pies…

PLUME: There’ll be chili day.

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah. I’m looking forward to the corn dog booth.

PLUME: And whoever’s in last place gets fired.

KENNEY-SILVER: Exactly. Well, that happens anyway.

PLUME: But hey, it’s worth it for the funnel cakes.

KENNEY-SILVER: Exactly.

PLUME: Is this what you thought the interview would be like?

KENNEY-SILVER: Completely… Well, as I said, I saw your other interviews, so yes. I was completely prepared.

PLUME: If we were to go back a bit, you certainly do come from an entertainment dynasty, as it were…

KENNEY-SILVER: That’s an interesting word for it, certainly.

PLUME: Did you perceive that while you were growing up, that your father did something that was not run of the mill?

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah. Certainly when you go to school for career day and you tell other kids at school, whose parents are doctors, that your father is a cartoon bird, it is definitely different. But I always wanted to do what he did. I always emulated him and I would go with him to auditions and watch him do his cartoons and things. Yeah, always emulated him. My father – I don’t know if you know this – he was also the host of Bowling for Dollars.

PLUME: That, I did not know.

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah. And he also did soap operas and things. I knew that I wanted to perform like him, always.

PLUME: At what point did you actually perceive that that was something that was unique?

KENNEY-SILVER: I don’t think it ever felt unique growing up. I think it just felt like that’s what my dad does. But I think when I started to realize that other kids’ parents didn’t make cartoon bird voices for a living, maybe that was a little bit different.

PLUME: Did you ever encounter any jealousy from the other kids?

KENNEY-SILVER: You know, I went to a party one time in New York, when Tom and Ben and I were at NYU, and someone said to me, just making small talk, “So, what do your parents do?” And I said, “Well, my father is the voice of the Cocoa Puffs bird and Lion-O from Thundercats.” And they said, “No he’s not.” “Yes he is.” And they said, “I just met someone last week who claimed that their father was the voice of the Cocoa Puffs bird and the voice of Count Chocula and the voice of Lion-O from the Thundercats.” And I’m thinking, if you’re gonna make up a lie, wouldn’t you come up with something a little bit better than my dad’s the Cocoa Puffs bird? So someone was out there basically coveting my life.

PLUME: Or it was part of that period when you were just drifting in and out of different realities…

KENNEY-SILVER: When I was on crack, yeah, it could be that too. When I was drifting in and out of reality from my schizophrenia.

PLUME: Trying to trade the information about your father’s career for rocks.

KENNEY-SILVER: That still happens. I have a kid now; I gotta do what I gotta do.

PLUME: Well now the DVDs are out, the cache of being the son of Lion-O is back.

KENNEY-SILVER: It’s back. Are they on DVD?

PLUME: Yes.

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh really? I didn’t know that! Oh, I love it. That’s so great. I’m amazed at how many fans that… when we did Comic-Con, you were there…

PLUME: Yes…

KENNEY-SILVER: I’d never seen anything like that. I had no idea what a big deal that was, the cartoon world, the animation… I don’t know what you call it… That whole world. I had no idea how big a deal that was.

PLUME: You’ve done a good deal of voice work yourself. Do you find that sometimes there is a bit of a bubble that exists, just doing your work as a career, and not fully experiencing exactly what the impact is of, say, being a recurring character on Kim Possible?

KENNEY-SILVER: Like my dad, no one every knows who he is. People don’t come up to him and say, “Oh, you’re the voice on Imus in the Morning.” No one knows what he looks like. So yes, it’s certainly different. We get people coming up to us and saying, “Hey, you’re Trudy Wiegel!” “Hey Dangle!”

PLUME: It’s probably not the best way you want to be remembered.

KENNEY-SILVER: No, but it actually is pretty good, because in person, I can only do better. What I constantly hear from people is, “Wow, you’re not as retarded and ugly as you are on TV.” Which is, you know – that’s what you want to hear.

PLUME: It’s good to have your own kid growing up, and someone approach you and tell his mother that, “You’re not nearly as retarded or ugly as I thought you were going to be.”

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh, my poor son. He is now 14 months old, and when I was pregnant with him was when we shot the last seasons, three and four. And I was big and pregnant, obviously, for season four, and I did some things, like ribbon dances in purple unitard with my big pregnant belly, and wearing half-shirts and short shorts with my big belly and pregnant butt hanging out. And I just think, “Poor young man. This is the start that I’m giving him.”

PLUME: So, instead of a college fund, it should be a therapy fund.

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh yeah. We’ve already started that.

PLUME: You know, the first time he comes home and goes, “Mom, you’ll never guess what I downloaded.”

KENNEY-SILVER: Right. Yeah, “You in a unitard.” It couldn’t be much worse. I think he would probably be more proud if he found a porno with his mom then what he’s actually gonna find.

PLUME: What would you choose if you were to pick out one moment from The State or Viva Variety or Reno that you absolutely don’t want him to see until you can actually put it in context and try to alleviate the pain for him?

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh, that’s completely easy. Me butt naked, nine months pregnant, on Reno 911 this last season. Tom, Ben, Cedric, and Carlos come busting in and do a panty raid in the women’s locker room hoping to find Clemmy in her panties and bra, and what they find is me nine months pregnant, naked, with a shower cap on dancing with a towel. If my son ever sees that, he’s either gonna love me more or we’ll never hear from him again.

PLUME: What is the context that you would deliver on that?

KENNEY-SILVER: You mean to tell him?

PLUME: Yes. When he comes to you, sort of shivering…

KENNEY-SILVER: “You need to sit down. I think you need to sit down.” And then from there, I would just say, “You know what? You remember that nice house you grew up in and those great fancy shoes you always wore? Well, that’s how we paid for them.”

PLUME: Do you think they’ll ever erase the picture from his mind?

KENNEY-SILVER: No. Dear God no. To quote Ben in the actual piece, “There are some things you can’t un-see.”

PLUME: Of course, it’s even more awkward if he has a friend show it to him…

KENNEY-SILVER: It’s going to be ugly. I think we need to sit him down and show it to him before he can get the ugly truth in school.

PLUME: Sort of like when you temper an egg when cooking…

KENNEY-SILVER: Exactly.

PLUME: That’s gonna be a moment. But at least you know it’s coming.

KENNEY-SILVER: It’s gonna be a moment that’s going to continue and reverberate probably into his brain for the rest of his life.

PLUME: Or he can be immensely proud.

KENNEY-SILVER: Or he’ll be immensely proud.

PLUME: And follow you in that course.

KENNEY-SILVER: Well, let’s hope not.

PLUME: How encouraging were your parents with what you wanted to do, once you decided on that similar path in the entertainment industry?

KENNEY-SILVER: Extremely. My father said “Look, I am a very wealthy voice of a cartoon bird who never went to college. What can I say, ‘Don’t go into comedy?'” So they were very encouraging. They thought it was terrific. Will I be encouraging for my son when he wants to go into entertainment? No way. I pray that he wants to be a plumber and be happy and settle down with kids in a trailer in Van Nuys. I just see it… I watch it in other people, and it’s horrifying to me.

PLUME: Do you sometimes fear even unintentionally being that sort of stage motherish type?

KENNEY-SILVER: Of course. The instant you become a parent, you can’t help but go, “Look at him. He’s picking his nose. Everyone, gather around.”

PLUME: “Get the camera.”

KENNEY-SILVER: “Isn’t that the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen?” With your first child it just is that way. I think it is certainly for us. So yeah, there’s certainly that aspect, but then we went and got his picture taken recently at one of those silly little picture places, and the woman said afterward, “You know, these are quite good. We could enter him in the worldwide contest.” And I’m thinking, “What? No. I’m not interested in you giving my son a score.”

PLUME: I love the fact that they’re actually on the lookout.

KENNEY-SILVER: Oh, they’re on the lookout.

PLUME: You wonder what the commission is for them.

KENNEY-SILVER: Yes, exactly. “We found him! The perfect baby!” It’s the Dalai Lama of faces.

PLUME: Imagine if there was actually some kind of cult recruiting that went on in these baby centers…

KENNEY-SILVER: If they came to me and said, “We think your son’s the Dalai Lama,” that’s another story. They can have him, because I think that’s terrific. I’d be very proud. But to be the face of the picture place of kids? No, I’m not interested.

PLUME: It’s good to know that they automatically grade. You gotta wonder about the person waiting behind you.

KENNEY-SILVER: That’s what I’m thinking, with the ugly kid with the zits.

PLUME: Yeah, who’s going, “What about mine?”

KENNEY-SILVER: Yeah…

PLUME: That’s a way to lose business.

KENNEY-SILVER: Didn’t make the grade.

PLUME: Time to go to Olan Mills.

KENNEY-SILVER: Exactly. They’ll take anyone there.

PLUME: “Yeah, I have the photos…”

KENNEY-SILVER: Sitting on one of those fake logs.

QSE News: 2/19/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:12 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgBecause it had been a week since everyone felt sorry for her, Britney Spears has reminded the world that she is, in fact, deep into a downward spiral by shaving her head. Spears allegedly decided to cut her hair when she couldn’t think of any other area of her skin the world hasn’t seen.
  • The band, Queens Of The Stone Age, is hoping to release its new album this June. With the news of the pending release, band members reminded the media that the band has nothing to do with Richard Simmons whatsoever and any similarity in stage names is purely coincidental.
  • Mark Wahlberg and Matt Damon are set to star together again in an upcoming boxing film. The film will be exactly the same as every other boxing movie ever made.
  • Comic book movie Ghost Rider took home the top gross from this weekend’s box office.  The film’s success was a major shock to some, but most insiders see this as a sign that the Americans really want to see Nicholas Cage with his head on fire.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/19/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:12 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • “Peasie Weasie” Groucho, the king of the elderly leches… (Thingamabob)
  • Classic paintings plus cartoon characters plus photoshop? Sure, why not? (Thingamabob)
  • Maybe FedEx is a little too fast getting things places… (Thingamabob)
  • How do you define a close call? This works for me… (Thingamabob)
  • And finally, Meredith Wilson’s “Chicken Fat”… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 18, 2007

Game On! 2-17-2007: Back Again in the ’07

Filed under: Game On! — admin @ 4:53 am

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Holy crap, two months into the New Year and no new Game On? Where have I been? Well, due to some personal issues, job promotions, and moving, I’ve been everywhere but here”¦but not anymore. New Year, new columns, new style”¦plus a few familiar features. Beginning (hopefully) next week, we’re going digital”¦that is, Game On! will be a monthly video podcast. Normal written columns every week, full video hilarity every month. Who can deny all that gaming goodness? Well, hopefully no one”¦I’d like to get the viewership. On with this week’s (super late) reviews.

PLANET OLD SCHOOL

lostplanet.jpgOne of the first new titles released for the Xbox 360 this year has been Capcom’s LOST PLANET, a fantastic shooter/platformer”¦if you’re a fan of the old school style of gaming. Which, no, isn’t a bad thing. Using a tried and true style of level design, enemy structure and goal acquisition, LOST PLANET brings to mind many of the greatest Capcom titles of old, not the least of which is BIONIC COMMANDO.

As Wayne, the hero with the horrible name, you don’t remember anything of your past except that your father died while fighting the alien bug known as Green Eye. Your home world is covered in ice and snow and you must now fight your way through the hordes of slimy bug things known s Akrid in order to uncover the mystery of your past, making the game seem like some twisted cross between STARSHIP TROOPERS and THE THING. Because of the cold, your health is constantly depleting, and you are always in search of T-Eng, or Thermal Energy, which refills your health, dropped by any defeated creatures. Along your journey you’ll fight giant worms, moths, and other ugly gross things, as well as engaging other humans. Snow Pirates have captured much of the land and claim it for their own evil purposes.

The game is set up level by level, each ending with a giant boss battle, and this design, while graphically in the “next generation” is very old school indeed. All of the bosses (and indeed, most of the enemies) each have a visual weak point, a glowing area that you must hit and exploit to bring them down. This creates some very exciting moments, and some of the best “˜holy shit” elements of the game are when some new scary giant”¦THING comes roaring out of the ground. Wayne’s got a sweet little grappling hook, which can usually swing him out of harm’s way (which is where the BIONIC COMMANDO comparison comes in), but honestly it’s underused in the game.

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You’re not really alone in your battles either. Along your paths you can pick up the weapons of fallen frozen explorers, or even climb into a Vital Suit or VS, a mech like armor that adds a good bit of firepower to Wayne’s battles against the Akrid.

The unfortunate thing about the game, however, is that it’s a bit short. Most of the levels are structure SO distinctly that one could generally just run past all the Akrid and Snow pirates in each level and just get to the boss battle at the end. Also, while the cut scenes are incredibly detailed they’re also incredibly BORING. The first four or five are just a bunch of people sitting at a table TALKING”¦no background music, no heightened tension”¦no point in watching them.

Thankfully, the online game saves the quickness of the main story and gives players a good amount of options as far as multiplayer games go. You have your typical Deathmatch (“Elimination”), Last Man Standing (“Team Elimination”) and Capture the Flag (“Post Grab”) modes, as well as a mode called “Fugitive”. Here, the host player is the fugitive and the other opponents must track him down and capture or defeat him in the allotted time. The host wins by getting his “Battle Gauge” up by defeating his opponents. Capcom also just announced that a few weeks in to March they’ll be releasing the first of a series of new map packs for the game. The first set of maps, due out around March 9th, will feature two new multiplayer arenas: Island 902 and Radar Field.

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For what it’s worth, LOST PLANET offers fans of old school style of gameplay a good deal of new areas to explore with familiar outcome. While this may put off a few gamers looking for a wholly “next gen” title, the graphics and physics of the game should still keep the satiated as well, and the online play is nothing to sneer at. It may not be exactly what we were hoping for (or even what the TV commercials would have you believe it is) but it’s still fun none the less, and is structured is such a way that folks can either take their time or zip through the story as needed.

One Gamer’s Opinion:
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PIMPIN’ *IS* EASY

PIMP MY RIDE is one of my guilty TV pleasures. There’s something about the show that I really enjoy, be it Xzibit’s colorful commentary, the crew at West Coast Customs (and to a lesser extent, GAS) and their unique personalities, or the joy on the customer’s faces as their rides are transformed from hoopties to hardcore gangsta shit. Sadly, other then the first thing, none of these appear in the game for PS2 or Xbox 360.

pimp.jpgAs a new up and coming customizer in “Pimp City” (say what now?), you take on a challenge from X to the Z himself and compete against a rival crew of (unseen) pimpers to see who’s the best at tricking out phat rides. To do so, you take the customer’s car and drive it around the city to raise money to pay for all the customization you’ll do to it.

I’ll let you read that sentence again, then I’ll continue.

“You take the customer’s car and drive it around the city to raise money to pay for the customization you’ll do to it.” There, has it sunk in yet? Nothing like the show so far, yes? Well, wait for it, it gets worse. To raise money, you either a) smash obstacles on the road with the car, b) smash OTHER cars with the car, c) compete in one of three different (yet, strangely the same) events to raise coin, or d) just drive into one of five $ icons on the road. Now, I’ll get to the first two in a second, let’s first go to what the developers refer to as “gameplay”.

There are three types of “events” in Pimp City. There’s Hot Steppin’, which has your character (a nameless dude with a white T-shirt on that says PIMP on it) dancing outside of the car as it rolls down the street with the door open. He dances as you repeatedly press the A button as it passes through the bar at the bottom of the screen”¦kind of like DDR but with no skill needed. Then there’s Ghost ride The Whip, which has your character dancing outside of the car as it rolls down the street with the door open. Yes, that sentence is the same. This time, you press a SERIES of buttons and controller movements given on the side of the screen to make him dance, hence the need for a different event name. Finally, there’s Crusin’, where, while actually IN the car, you ride past a crowd of people at Ten miles and hour and press a few buttons in the quickly allotted time in order to somehow impress them.

If you’re still reading this review, I admire your tenacity.

Now, while that gains you a great deal of scratch, you can also get some, seemingly through God’s Insurance Company, by simply driving into shit. Knock down Parking Meters and you get coins. Knock over Billboards, and you get coins (and also, magically, signs for your own “Pimp City Customs” go up in their place). Hell you can even hit OTHER CARS and coins magically pop out of them, like some sort of cross between Midnight Club and Mario Kart.

After building up your funds, then the “Pimpin” begins. While most viewers of the show would expect you to drive to West Coast Customs, or even GAS, they’ll be sadly disappointed (if they’re not already). No, instead (after viewing a very scary cut scene featuring a digital Xzibit and some over caffinated actors posing as the chosen “pimpee”) you do more driving”¦this time to different outfitters around the town. Needs rims, go to the rim guy, paint guy is down the street, etc. As you get there (during timed runs, mind you”¦remember, this is a competition between TWO customizers) the clock stops as you choose which bling to outfit the car with. Honestly, the price of these items doesn’t matter, because there’s more of that developer’s “gameplay” coming up. After choosing which unnecessary item to stick on the car (like a basketball hoop that slides out of the trunk) you now must press buttons or use analog stick movements again in a timed manner in order to install the item quickly. Beat the clock, get a discount. Man, this is one wacky gameshow.

Be the fastest with the installs and cover all the ground with what the customer wants, and they’ll choose your ride over your unseen competitors. Honestly, though, if you play it right, you can hit EVERY outfitter on the map, and still have time to race around completing in the randomized “Xzibit Challenges”. Here, you just simply have to go where the icon pops up on the map within the 20 seconds in order to get a free item for the car. Whoopie do.

Alright, now, here’s the saddest part of the game. Despite the horrendous gameplay, the awful cutscenes, the dialogue that doesn’t sync up, the fact that you’re never penalized for driving head first into another car using YOUR CUSTOMER’S ride, and the fact that it’s not even really a game”¦I can’t seem to stop playing it. Maybe I like watching a train wreck. Maybe I enjoy taking out all the parking meters in a level just for the extra coin. Maybe I really just like Xzibit’s soundtrack (which, admittedly, is probably the only really good thing about the game). Or maybe, just maybe, I realize it’s an easy way to get achievement points on Xbox. And that’s the saddest reality of all. I can’t see anyone who even remotely likes the show playing it for any other reason.

One Gamer’s Opinion:
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QUICKSHOT OF THE WEEK

doax2_1.jpgA few years ago, I reviewed a little volleyball game that had some impressive graphics and a little titillation that was oddly based on a fighting game. Now, just before X-mas, they released a sequel for this game for Xbox 360, and added a whole mess of unnecessary stuff. Of course I’m speaking of DEAD OR ALIVE XTREME 2. No longer just about volleyball, this game has just pilled on the mature rating situations, be they by bikini clad tug of war, mad dashes through sand for a stick or bouncing across pads on a pool”¦there’s just some point when it all gets TOO ridiculous. And bouncy. Too Bouncy. Now, I like buoyant mammaries as much as the next straight male, but this game”¦wow. I never thought I’d be truly disturbed by next generation graphics in this way. Adding games like “Butt Bounce” to the mix, or even as the characters run during “photo shoots” you’ll notice tat each breast is animated”¦independently of the other. Watching the two move in opposite directions is almost TWO real”¦I’ve never seen tits do that and neither have you. It’s like those crazy googliy eyes they stick on badly made stuffed creatures you get from a quarter machine, each one spinning around completely separate and wholly unrealistically from the other. What’s worse is the rest of the title can’t even qualify as a game”¦at least not a very good one. The volleyball element has been dumbed down to the point of questioning why you even have a partner, and inclusion of jet skis is just…well, the whole thing is just not needed. The first title was a fun little goof, this one just takes itself too seriously while trying to be cute and naughty for all the wrong, weird and crazy reasons.

One Gamer’s Opinion:
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GAMING NEWS

For those that managed to get the Wii (as well as managing to get it hooked up the WiFi signal), Nintendo has been pretty good about updating the shopping channel with new titles every Monday. Some titles have been passable, but there’s been at least one every week that’s a must buy. Last week it was KID ICARUS, previous to that it was SUPER MARIO WORLD or THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: A LINK TO THE PAST. However, it would be nice if, like Xbox Live Arcade, they offered a trail version first, so you can demo the game to see if you want to purchase it. I wasted six bucks on VIGILANTE, thinking it was a STREETS OF RAGE type game, when really it’s a few generations back from that”¦and awful.

Speaking of Xbox Live Arcade, they’ve announced some fantastic titles coming out on the service soon. ALIEN HOMINID HD and CASTLEVANIA: SYMPHONY OF THE NIGHT are the big ones that everybody wants, so what do we get in these past two weeks? ROOT BEER TAPPER and PAPERBOY. At least Konami is releasing SON on PS this year”¦as well as DRACULA X: RONDO OF BLOOD for the first time on US shores, both in a collection called THE DRACULA X CHRONICLES. As a CASTLEVANIA fan, I just got a great big geek boner.

URULive.jpgGametap, that online streaming gaming service, just announced that MYST ONLINE: URU LIVE is now up and running. Taking the series familiar locales and puzzles and fusing it with a MMO structure, this title is part of Gametap’s own Originals series, a looks to offer a lot for gamers of all ages, both new and familiar to the MYST worlds.

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And finally”¦as mentioned before, next week we’ll be having the first Game On! video podcast. So now you’ll get to see me review the games, instead of just reading the crap I write. I can be crappy in video form too!

See you next week, kids.

THE GAME ON! RATING SYSTEM

 

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Ratings From Greatest to Least:

Kick Ass, Right On, Okay, Eh, and Stinker (aka CRAPTACULAR)

February 17, 2007

Scrubs Blog: The Blog of Frankenstein

Filed under: Production Blogs,Quickcasts,Scrubs Blog,Video — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:06 am
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VIDEO BLOG #77: “The Blog of Frankenstein” ““
The angry villagers of Sacred Heart are out in full force to take down Frankendorian in this behind-the-scenes look at episode 6×09, “My Perspective”.

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Download Scrubs Video Blog #77:

  • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 57.18 MB)
  • Small (320 x 240 – QuickTime – 24.61 MB)

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Comics in Context #165: The Supervillain Defined

Filed under: Columns,Comics in Context — admin @ 12:49 am
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cic2007-02-16-01.jpgOnly last week, in the course of my month-long consideration of Dr. Peter Coogan’s book Superhero: The Secret Origin of a Genre (MonkeyBrain Press, 2006), I hypothesized that despite the surface realism of the television series 24, its hero Jack Bauer is what I called a megahero. That is my name for what the late literary critic Northrup Frye called the hero of romance, by which he meant a tale of extraordinary adventure. According to Frye a romance hero is “superior in degree to other men and to his environment,” and “moves in a world in which the ordinary laws of nature are slightly suspended” (Frye, Anatomy of Criticism, pgs. 33-34).

After I posted last week’s column, I purchased the new issue of TV Guide (Feb. 12-18, 2007), which contained a special section on 24, including a “guest column” by Kiefer Sutherland, who plays Bauer. Sutherland writes about Jack, “Sure, there’s a superhuman element to his character, too. . . .” It’s great getting one of my ideas confirmed, and so quickly!

Before starting my critique of Dr. Coogan’s book, I was working my way through Neal Gabler’s recent biography of Walt Disney (see “Comics in Context” #158, 160-161). You may recall that Gabler contends that Disney had little interest in his feature films following World War II; the major exception was Mary Poppins (1964).

Last weekend Turner Classic Movies showed two of Disney’s live action films for the first time: 20,000 Leagues under the Sea (1954), based on the novel by Jules Verne (whose name, unless I missed it, oddly never appeared in the movie) and The Absent-Minded Professor (1961). I hadn’t seen the first one since childhood, and I believe I had never seen the second.

Something that struck me about Leagues was that it didn’t conform to the popular image of a Disney movie. Yes, there was a cute animal, Esmerelda the seal, and since it was a Disney movie, it made certain that Esmerelda escaped the destruction of the Nautilus, Captain Nemo’s submarine, at the movie’s end. But, following Verne’s novel, the movie unhesitatingly portrays Captain Nemo, played by James Mason, as a mass murderer, ramming and sinking ships. The film’s narrator, Professor Aronnax, played by Paul Lukas, seems intended to be the point of view character for the audience, and Aronnax never wavers in his condemnation of what today we would call Nemo’s terrorist attacks.

Yet the movie allows the audience to understand and empathize with Nemo’s own point of view. He only attacks warships or ships carrying munitions. Moreover, he was once a prisoner of an unnamed nation which murdered his wife and children. (In a previous column I speculated that Captain Nemo, who rules beneath the waves, was a partial inspiration for Namor the Sub-Mariner, the noble prince of an undersea kingdom who also attacks a warlike surface world. See “Comics in Context” #22.)

Furthermore, Aronnax admires Nemo as a creative genius who designed the Nautilus, discovered its power source, which in the Disney version is obviously nuclear energy, and mastered the ocean depths. The film invites the audience to marvel at Nemo’s wonders, as well. Ned Land, the sailor played in the film by Kirk Douglas, is presented as a more conventional adventure hero, with more brawn than brain, and he condemns Nemo as a killer. Aronnax disapproves of the killings, but argues that Nemo must be persuaded to share his secrets with the world. During the movie’s titanic battle between the Nautilus crew and a giant squid, Land finds himself saving Nemo’s life, much to his own surprise. It seems we are meant to agree with Aronnax’s opinion of Nemo; even Land does, subconsciously. When the unnamed nation’s armed forces attack and fatally wound Nemo at the film’s end, surely our sympathies are with him, and the movie gives Nemo the last word, repeating his prophesy that some day, when the world is ready for them, humanity will rediscover his secrets. Nemo is a creative visionary who was ahead of his time.

On seeing Leagues and Absent-Minded Professor on successive evenings, I realized that both movies are about misunderstood creative geniuses, even though one is a science fiction drama with an antihero who meets a tragic end, and the other is a science fiction romantic comedy. Both Nemo and the latter film’s Professor Brainard are technical innovators, like Walt Disney himself. When we meet Nemo, he no longer has a family and is entirely devoted to his mission. Professor Brainard is so intensely dedicated to his scientific research that he neglects his personal life, and repeatedly fails to attend his own wedding. Gabler’s book depicted Disney as similarly neglectful of his marriage, and instead devoting most of his energies to his creative work at the studio. The unnamed nation imprisons Nemo and kills his family in a vain effort to force him to reveal his secrets to them (notably his discovery of nuclear energy). In Gabler’s book, the darkest moment in Disney’s early career came when his distributor took his star character, Oswald the Rabbit, and most of his staff away from him. The villain in Absent-Minded Professor is Alonzo P. Hawk, the head of a finance company. Having made a large loan to Professor Brainard’s college that the school cannot repay, Hawk threatens to foreclose and take possession of the campus. Subsequently, Hawk steals Brainard’s Model-T Ford which contains his discovery, flubber, which enables the car to fly. In Gabler’s biography one of Walt Disney’s foremost nemeses is the Bank of America, which made loans to the Disney company and then restricted his freedom of action in running his own studio.

In other words, Captain Nemo and Professor Brainard each embody aspects of Walt Disney himself. So, Mr. Gabler, is it really true that Walt Disney had little to do with his live action movies except for Poppins? The stamp of Walt the auteur, expressing his own personality through his lead characters, is clear in both Leagues and Absent-Minded Professor. (TCM’s own article about Leagues demonstrates that Walt Disney was very much personally involved in the film.)

Watching Professor Brainard bounding up and down in his flubber-soled shoes, I found myself thinking about Spring-Heeled Jack, a character from “penny dreadfuls” in Victorian England, who wore boots containing steel springs that enabled him to make superhuman leaps into the air. Dr. Coogan admits that Jack “very likely can be considered the first hero character to fulfill the core definitional elements of the superhero” (Superhero p. 176). Coogan’s primary criteria for a superhero are mission, powers, and identity. Spring-Heeled Jack had a mission, as what Coogan calls “an all-round do-gooder” (p. 175), his boots provided him with artificial super-powers, and he scores three out of three in the “identity” requirements of codename, costume and dual identity.

Indeed, the only persuasive reason that Coogan can give for not considering Jack to be the first superhero is that “he did not inspire the imitation and repetition necessary to initiate a genre” (p. 176), as Superman did over a century later. Hence Spring-Heeled Jack’s adventures remained an “anomaly” in his own time (p. 177).

Maybe the difference is that super-powers are usually based in science fiction, and the more technologically advanced world of the 1930s was therefore more conducive to the popularity of the superhero concept. Perhaps Jack’s “spring-heels” were too much of a gimmick; Superman’s powers bore more mythic resonance because they were innate. Besides, while Superman also traveled via superhuman leaps (before he was upgraded to flying), he also had more impressive powers like super-strength. There seems to be an archetype of a leaping or bouncing man underlying Spring-Heeled Jack, but, significantly, it reemerges in characters who are comedic or partly comedic, like the Legion of Super-Heroes’ Bouncing Boy, Looney Tunes‘ baby kangaroo Hippety Hopper, Marvel’s Frog-Man and Leapfrog characters, and, yes, the Absent-Minded Professor. Even the Hulk’s repeated leaping, like a big green frog, looks undignified compared to Superman’s flying.

I’ve lately received some e-mails with relevance to my recent columns. For example, Roy Thomas informs me that despite what it says on the boxes our copies of Marvel Vault, the book we co-authored for Becker and Mayer, the book is still only in its first printing.

Peter Coogan has been sending me e-mails about my columns on his book. Not surprisingly, he disagrees with my contention that the Spirit is a superhero, and says that the Spirit “is just a masked pulp detective in comics.” I see Coogan’s point, and certainly Spirit stories more often resemble film noir than conventional superhero sagas.

But if Spring-Heeled Jack is not a true superhero because he did not inspire any imitations or variations, then can’t we apply similar logic to the Spirit? If the Spirit had been created before Superman’s debut, then he would fall into the same category of pulp-style masked vigilantes as the Green Hornet, DC Comics’ original version of the Sandman, and even Zorro. But did the debut of Superman and the early comic book superheroes radically alter the public perception of masked heroes? Would the newspaper readers of the 1940s have perceived the Spirit as one of the new breed of superheroes, or as a pulp-style hero?

The newspaper syndicate for which Eisner did The Spirit certainly insisted that the character conform to the new genre. By Eisner’s own admission,
“They wanted an heroic character, a costumed character. They asked me if he’d have a costume. And I put a mask on him and said, ‘Yes, he has a costume!'” (The Jack Kirby Collector #16). So the mask, and presumably the iconic blue suit, became signifiers of a superhero costume.

Yet Eisner went further and gave the Spirit a superhero-style origin, complete with a “death” (via suspended animation) and resurrection, thereby metaphorically putting him on a superhuman level.

If there had been no comic book superheroes, would the Spirit have been entirely the same character? Would Eisner have given him the science fictional origin involving suspended animation, the cemetery lair, the dual identity, or even the codename? Might the Spirit have been more like Eisner’s later, similar character, John Law, who lacked mask and codename, and worked as a policeman? Did anyone ever ask Eisner this?

Eisner did as little as he needed to make the Spirit look like a superhero, and yes, Spirit stories typically resemble film noir more than conventional superhero tales. But to my mind, anyway, the Spirit just meets the minimum requirements to be considered a superhero. Just as Buffy is a Displaced Superhero operating in the supernatural horror genre, maybe the Spirit is a Technical Superhero, whose stories include a wide number of genres, from comedy to noir mystery, and even outright superhero stories like Darwyn Cooke’s Batman/Spirit comic.

With regard to whether the TV series Heroes is in the superhero genre, Dr. Coogan wrote to me that “All Heroes has to do is show one costume and employ one codename.” I don’t know if that’s sufficient if most of the super-powered characters don’t use costumes or codenames. If only one of the Heroes dresses in a costume, he may come off as an eccentric. In the superhero genre, wearing a distinctive costume is typically presented as a reasonable choice.

One of the Heroes, Hiro Nakamura, is a superhero comics buff and perceives himself as a superhero. The Wikipedia entry on the character observes that Hiro is “the one character that aspires to the pure heroism of comic book crime fighters.” In other words, he is the only one who has the same kind of sense of mission that conventional superheroes have, but so far this makes him an anomaly in the cast of characters.

Coogan contends that Hiro’s future counterpart “has a costume” that isn’t doesn’t “strictly” conform to genre expectations, “but it’s clear that Hiro intends it as a superhero costume.” But a “declaration of intent” isn’t always sufficient. This “costume” consists of a black overcoat. According to Coogan’s book, the superhero costume should express the character’s biography, powers, and/or identity, and should have a “chevron,” an insignia that stands for the superhero identity. All that Future Hiro’s overcoat expresses is that he develops better fashion sense. I can’t accept this as a true superhero costume any more than I do Neo’s long black coat in The Matrix.

Coogan also points out that a new character on the show, Hana Gittleman, who first appeared in comics on NBC’s Heroes website, has a codename: “Wireless.” Now this does seem to be a real move towards the direction of conforming to superhero genre conventions.

Thinking further about this, I realized that Heroes’ first season may be one long origin story for the principal characters. Perhaps it is evolving slowly but surely into what would clearly be recognized as a superhero series, with the Heroes fulfilling Coogan’s major criteria. Maybe the true test is to see how many of the Heroes will have adopted codenames and a selflessly altruistic sense of mission by this point in the second season.

I doubt that Coogan would consider the Captain Nemo of Alan Moore and Kevin O’Neill’s League of Extraordinary Gentlemen to be a superhero. “Nemo” is an alias, meaning “no one,” and is a kind of codename, but Moore and O’Neill dress their Nemo in conventional garments from India, not a superhero-style costume. Nemo’s sense of mission in League seems inadequate: he angrily quits the team by the end of Volume 2. While Coogan makes clear that advanced technology can fill his criterion of super-powers, Nemo’s primary “powers” reside not in his body or his personal weaponry and equipment, but in his vehicle, the Nautilus. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen‘s supreme annotator Jess Nevins says that “Nemo was the archetypal Man With The Machine, the inventor/engineer character who created scientifically advanced machines and used them on their adventures.”

But would the Captain Nemo of the Disney movie and Verne’s novel qualify under Coogan’s definition of supervillain? On his “Fantastic Victoriana” website, Jess Nevins places Nemo in the context of 19th century Romanticism: “The ostracized Romantic genius is unappreciated, his talent unvalued, and his intellectual and spiritual values rejected by the soulless materialistic society which does not appreciate his naturally superior talents.”

This reminds me of Coogan’s three categories of characters from 19th and early 20th century fiction that are forebears of the 20th century superhero: the “science-fiction superman,” beginning with Frankenstein’s monster in 1918; the “dual-identity avenger-vigilante” and what Coogan calls “the pulp ubermensch,” beginning with Tarzan in 1912 (p. 126). Concealing his true identity behind an alias, Nemo fits the second category, striking out at the warships of the nations of the world. Coogan links the first and third categories of philosopher Friedrich Nietzche’s concept of the ubermensch, which Coogan defines as “a revolutionary figure, operating beyond the traditional notions of good and evil, following his will to power, and embodying the master morality while abandoning the slave morality of Christian teaching and platonic ideals” (p. 130). Now consider this speech by Nemo that Nevins takes from Verne’s novel: “I am not what you call a civilized man! I have broken with society entirely, for reasons which I alone have the right to assess. I therefore do not obey its laws. . . .” Nemo isn’t physically a “superman” but his “machine” enables him to exercise the power of one.

Whereas Coogan limits the definition of superheroes to characters in the superhero genre, he contends that supervillains exist in numerous genres, and predate the creation of the first superhero. He divides supervillains into five basic types, while noting that a particular character can belong to one or more of these types.

First is the Monster, a type including Grendel from Beowulf, Frankenstein’s monster, Dracula, and even beasts without any aspect of humanity, such as the Nemean Lion and the Lernaean Hydra from the Twelve Labors of Hercules.

Second is the Enemy Commander, a category in which Coogan includes not only Darth Vader but also historical figures such as Xerxes, the Persian king at the Battle of Thermopylae (who figures in such disparate works as Herodotus’ Histories and Frank Miller’s 300). Coogan considers John Milton’s Satan in Paradise Lost (1667) as “the very model of the enemy commander supervillain” (p. 63). Coogan even maintains that Americans think of real life figures Adolf Hitler and Osama bin Laden as supervillains.

Third is the Mad Scientist, a self-explanatory category that Coogan traces back through Dr. Victor Frankenstein to what we might call “mad alchemists” like Doctor Faustus (as in Christopher Marlowe’s play, published in 1604).

Fourth is the Criminal Mastermind, a type prominently represented by Sherlock Holmes’ nemesis Professor Moriarty, who debuted in Arthur Conan Doyle’s “The Final Problem” (1893).

The fifth and final category is what Coogan somewhat awkwardly calls the Inverted-Superhero Supervillain. By this Coogan means the familiar kind of costumed supervillain that we see in comics; indeed, he says that this is the only category of supervillain that is limited to the superhero genre. Like superheroes, the “inverted-superhero” type of supervillain can be identified by mission (an antisocial one), powers, and identity, expressed through codename and costume. Coogan identifies the Joker and Catwoman, who both debuted in Batman #1 (1940) as the first true “inverted-superhero” supervillains. Actually, that honor should go solely to Jerry Robinson’s creation, the Joker. In Batman #1 the Catwoman appears as “the Cat,” a comely female thief who is a master of disguise. This character later evolved into the Catwoman, complete with full costume and cat-themed weaponry and equipment. But in her first appearance, she’s a more ordinary sort of criminal that one could easily find in a conventional detective story.

Captain Nemo would fall under the headings of Enemy Commander (leading his own one-ship navy, the Nautilus) and Mad Scientist (as its inventor). But we should note that Verne’s and Disney’s Nemo is more precisely of a character type that Coogan does not discuss: the supervillain as antihero. The Sub-Mariner fit into the same category when he was revived in Fantastic Four #4 (1962). Of course, Milton’s Satan is one of the greatest antiheroes in literature.

Coogan proposes that Ian Fleming, the creator of villains such as Blofeld, Doctor No, and Goldfinger in his James Bond novels, “might be called the poet laureate of supervillainy.”

There is one more recent character in both popular literature and film who is such a towering figure of what Coogan calls “supervillainy” that I am astounded that he never receives a mention in Coogan’s book. Who else but Dr. Hannibal Lecter, who was created by novelist Thomas Harris in his book Red Dragon (1981, released as a film as Manhunter in 1986 and under its original title in 2002), became a pop culture icon in The Silence of the Lambs (published in 1988, released as a film in 1991), and has reappeared in Hannibal (published in 1999, released as a film in 2001) and currently in Harris’s new novel Hannibal Rising, and the 2007 film thereof. The American Film Institute’s 2003 poll of movie professionals, critics and historians named Dr. Lecter as the greatest villain in film history. (in the Online Film Critics’ 2202 poll about great movie villains, Dr. Lecter placed second, after Darth Vader.)

Dr. Lecter would fit two of Coogan’s categories of supervillains; the Monster (as a cannibal) and the Mad Scientist (as a psychiatrist).

Whereas Coogan listed three main criteria for defining a superhero, he lists seven for determining who is a supervillain. Let’s go down the list and see how Nemo and Lecter fit.

First, as with the superheroes, is Mission, which in the supervillain’s case is “selfish” and “anti-social.” Nemo has turned his back on society, and certainly the nations of the world regard his mission to destroy warships as antisocial. (But we may sympathize with his mission to some extent, and consider him to be an antihero.) In Hannibal Rising, the young Lecter embarks on a mission of vengeance against the men who murdered–and devoured–his sister. In his review of this novel in The New York Times Sunday Book Review (December 31, 2006), film critic Terence Rafferty points to “the doctor’s strong avenging-angel impulse, which since The Silence of the Lambs has sometimes manifested itself as a grisly kind of gallantry. In both Silence and Hannibal, he often functions as the protector, rescuer and champion of Clarice Starling, the comely young F.B.I. agent who strangely interests him.” Rafferty contends that real life serial killers murder merely to satisfy their sexual desires, and not out of a sense of mission. Rafferty asserts that Harris’s backstory for Lecter, as his sister’s avenger, “emphasize[s], by the very similarity to superhero origin stories, the character’s utter impossibility, his pure does-not-occur-in-nature absurdity.” Lecter isn’t a realistic character.

Thus Rafferty inadvertently acknowledges that Lecter is what Coogan would call a “supervillain.” Lecter is not “one of us,” not what Frye would call a high or low mimetic character. Despite the surface realism of Harris’s novels, Lecter is a villain of what Frye calls the mode of romance, in which the rules of strict realism do not apply. Indeed, the rules of strict psychological realism are inapplicable to Lecter. That’s not Harris’s mistake; that’s the point.

When he is not avenging his sister or aiding Clarice, Lecter has no ongoing mission, but Coogan points out that “It is possible, and even typical, for a monster to act without malice. Destructiveness comes out of its nature. . . .Most monsters express a force of nature in their destructiveness.” That seems to me to be a reasonable description of Lecter.

Second, there is Criminal Artistry: “The supervillain’s dream reaches far beyond the acquisitive scheme of the ordinary crook.” Lecter definitely sees his crimes as art: specifically, he regards cannibalism into gourmet dining. Nemo may not regard his sinking of warships as art, but he is portrayed both by Verne and by Disney as an artist: both the novel and the film repeatedly portray him playing the organ. The portrayal of the extraordinary villain as having an interest in high culture is familiar. In the film of The Silence of the Lambs Lecter waves his hand to a recording of classical music, as if conducting, during the scene in which he murders his guards, and in Hannibal he has settled in Florence as an art historian.

Rafferty perceives that “In Silence, Harris [added] a pitiless aesthetic objectivity to the list of Hannibal’s improbable properties: his taste is so impeccable it seems demonic. But the decisive leap in the evolution of Hannibal Lecter turned out to be his, let’s say, appreciation of Clarice Starling, whose beauty meets his high standards and whose tantalizingly inchoate sense of herself arouses his clinical curiosity.” So Lecter’s interest in Starling is driven not only by sexual urges but by his aesthetic sense and by his scientist’s pursuit of knowledge.

Third is mania, or fanaticism: “The blindness that comes from a maniac singleness of purpose permits the supervillain to not see the inhumanity of what he does or to perceive what he does as beneficial to the world” (p. 82). Nemo: check. Lecter: check.

Fourth is “the wound”: “This grandiose self-aggrandizement arises from a sense of victimhood, originating in a wound that the supervillain never recovers from” (p. 83). Coogan states that supervillains are “in love with the story of their wound, unable to get past whatever happened in their past and turn their energies toward healing or redemptive therapy” (p. 84). In the Disney film Nemo is haunted by the death of his family.

Of course, there are also superheroes who are driven by psychological “wounds.” Take the Punisher, who embarked on his vigilante career because gangsters slaughtered his family. Coogan believes that the Punisher is a superhero only in stories in which he interacts with other superheroes. Often characters like Spider-Man collaborate with the Punisher on specific missions. But it seems to me that the Punisher becomes a supervillain in stories in which the superhero refuses to tolerate the Punisher’s killing of criminals, such as Frank Miller’s Daredevil #183-184 (June-July 1982).

Batman is unquestionably a superhero, and yet he is famously driven by the “wound” of the murder of his parents. Rafferty compares Lecter to Batman: “In Hannibal Rising, Harris. . . .gives his popular fiend the kind of “˜origin story’ that comic-book writers bestow on their impossibly righteous superheroes: how, say, a certain caped crusader against crime acquired his steely resolve and cool paraphernalia.” although he has repeatedly attempted to give up his superhero career, Spider-Man is forever driven by his own “wound,” his guilt over his failure to prevent the murder of Uncle Ben, to return to his crimefighting mission. Even Superman has been interpreted as being dedicated to making sure that his adopted world, Earth, does not suffer destruction as Krypton did.

Various reviewers, including Rafferty, have objected to Hannibal Rising on the grounds that revealing Lecter’s past and delving into his motivations reduces him as a character. Rafferty believes that Dr. Lecter’s power as a character resides in his “fundamental and impenetrable opacity.” I haven’t read Harris’s new book or seen the film adaptation. But Coogan’s analysis of the importance of the supervillain’s “wound” persuades me that by providing Lecter with an origin, Harris is simply following the logic of developing a supervillain.

Fifth is “monologue and soliloquy.” As Coogan acknowledges, “monologuing” is a term invented by Brad Bird’s 2004 superhero movie The Incredibles (See “Comics in Context” #62) to refer to supervillains’ familiar trait of talking at great length about their own alleged greatness. As Coogan notes, Fleming is the great master of villains’ monologues. Coogan points out that the villain respects the hero, and tells him about his life or his master plans, in order to win the hero’s” respect and approval–the respect and approval he s missed in his early life” (p. 69).

Nemo qualifies here: he allows Professor Aronnax to live because he respects Aronnax’s intelligence and believes that the professor can appreciate the significance of his achievements. Although Dr. Lecter famously insists on “quid pro quo” with Starling, he dominates their conversations. Here, too, Lecter perceives Starling as someone he can respect, and someone who can respect him, in contrast with the doctors and lawmen for whom Lecter feels utter contempt.

As Coogan points out, “soliloquy” and “monologue” are theatrical terms, and therefore are further indications of the “artistic” side of the supervillain’s crimes: “they are impresarios, putting on a show of sorts, and the heroes who oppose them are their audience” (p. 89).

Coogan distinguishes between the “monologue,” delivered to the hero, and the “soliloquy,’ delivered to unspeaking underlings or “without an audience.”
Ah, but there is always an audience: the readers of the story, or the watchers of the film or TV show.
This made me realize that there are other forebears of the modern supervillain whom Coogan has missed. What about the soliloquies of Shakespeare’s Richard III and Iago, as well as some of his lesser villains, all of whom are descended from the “vice” figure of medieval drama, who likewise addressed the audience? Are Shakespeare’s great villains the forefathers of Doctor Doom and his ilk?

Obviously, I am not yet finished with the topic of supervillains, and will continue my own version of monologuing in the near future.

ADVERTISEMENTS FOR MYSELF
The second New York Comic Con will be held at Manhattan’s Javits Center from Friday, February 23 through Sunday the 25th. I’ll be doing signings of the Marvel Encyclopedia and The Ultimate Guide to the X-Men at the DK Publishing booth on Saturday from 2 to 3 PM and on Sunday from 11 AM t 12:30 PM.

On Saturday from 5 to 6, I’m supposed to be moderating the convention’s “Behind the Panels: The Classic Age of Comics,” featuring Golden and Silver Age greats Murphy Anderson, Arnold Drake, Irwin Hasen, Carmine Infantino, and Jerry Robinson.

But the biggest news is that I am the co-curator of “Stan Lee: A Retrospective,” an exhibit surveying his entire career, that opens on the weekend of the New York Comic-Con and runs through July 3. The opening reception, which Stan Lee will attend, is at 8:30 PM on the evening of Friday the 23rd. The reception is a benefit for the Museum, and tickets are still available (see www.moccany.org). After the opening, you can visit the exhibit on Fridays through Mondays at the regular admission fee. And for the next few months the Museum is also still holding “Saturday Morning,” curator Matt Murray’s wonderful retrospective of the history of Saturday morning television animation.

Copyright 2007 Peter Sanderson

February 16, 2007

Trailer Park: Me and Premiere, A David and Goliath Story

Filed under: Columns,Trailer Park — admin @ 2:12 am

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

Usually I reserve this space for unloading on whatever seems stuck between my two ears and is in need for some happy ending releasing. It’s also meant to be light, airy, refreshing and devoid of any serious emotion; that is unless I’m talking about THE FOUNTAIN, in which case, it is coming out on DVD in May so be forewarned. It has come to my attention, however, that there is something that has raised my ire and I am in need to discuss things for the way I see it and for what I believe is blatant thievery and a rip-off of what I do here.

A long time ago, in December of 2005, I sent an e-mail to some individuals at Premiere a note with regard to finding out what I could do in order to get into their magazine. I thought, at the time, that the publication was one of only a few that catered to a certain film fan, not the casual fan who needs gossip mixed in their 5 paragraph essay-style reporting, and I believed it was their dedication to giving something more than just the glitz and glamour of your everyday type of entertainment magazine.

And everything pointed in that direction when I inquired about freelance work at Premiere, if even Premiere.com, and, being green behind the ears of traditional print journalism goes, what I could do in order to be considered as a possible stringer of some kind. Basically, it was me begging but using a whole lot of superlatives in order to confuse and obfuscate the issue. It happened to work, coincidentally, and I was put into contact with a very nice, very eager beaver who wanted to talk with me. Her name is irrelevant but what she did was indescribable. When this woman at Premiere heard who I was, who recommended me and that, golly-gee, already wrote for a pretty successful movie web site, she treated me exceptionally nice. It was great. For the first time, upon the prodding of a fellow writer at Poop Shoot, I sucked in my gut and stood behind the work I did and told someone in the position to look at me, “I write well enough and have compelling work to prove it.”

This was a first.

I’ve written a book that I am quite proud of but have never hocked it here because it’s a little weird for me to boast about my abilities. Sure, I can, and have, sold everything underneath the sun, including Property/Casualty Insurance to people in the manufactured housing market which, while very difficult, was one of the best positions I’ve ever had. It’s hard work, selling, but when it comes to my work I don’t do so well. I do, however, have a great ability in selling the site I write for to someone who wants to know what it is. Whether it’s some PR flunky who has zero clue about Poop Shoot or Quick Stop I have turned being reticent into a persona that has stumped hard to being content here. And this contact of mine at Premiere was all ears to hear how and what I could do for their website in order to make it better than it was. We had phone tags, she would try to get a hold of me, I was trying to get a hold of her. We had went back and forth with dates to get together and we finally, finally, settled on a day and date to talk. I had notes, for God sakes, scribbled down on a piece of paper and as I rattled off what I’ve done to make Poop Shoot a nice diversion for those who visit me on a weekly basis and that I believed that it’s important to be relevant to the audience you’re trying to reach and that a Podcast with the Premiere imprint would do well in a landscape that was, until then, untapped by any meaningful alternative for a weekly outlet that would speak to the demographics. I went on and on. I could tell she was interested. “Uh-huh, go on” or “Yeah, anything else?” she said. I thought I hit a nerve, a good one, somewhere with her. I had envisioned being able to pay an electric bill with a paid story or even having a Premiere.com address. We talked and talked for a while about every idea I had until my well went dry. She was thankful and said she be in touch.

“It was decided that we’re going to do everything in-house,” was what came back to me soon after we had our chat.

She asked me to “keep in touch” in case there were any openings. I did. I was, and am, a sales guy and if I’m given that little sliver of door to get into I follow-up. She thanked me for my time, my energy and for keeping on top this as it sounded like I was really passionate about it. Yeah, everything that an ex-girlfriend would tell you to keep things on a serious tip was what I got. But, the thing of it is, I was fine with it. These things happen. Zero times zero doesn’t mean a whole lot when your list of paying gigs represent a big, thick O. I let the thought go and admitted to myself that even though I thought I had the winning lottery ticket it was better to have gone through it than just living my life without ever knowing what pitching my ideas to someone who was interested in hearing them was like.

Like a guy who should have known better, when I followed-up my calls weren’t answered. My phone messages weren’t returned, my e-mail wasn’t responded to and it was only after a sensible time passed when I went from Johnny Persistent to Get A Clue, You Fuck. And so I did. I stopped calling or trying to get in.

And then I see this. Premiere‘s answer to “Trailer Park.” It was downright upsetting when I saw what passed for their interpretation on what I’ve built, what Bob Klein started, really, because I know enough to give credit where credit is due, and frankly it’s just awful that when I wrote to the person who I initially talked to last year regarding what a trailer column could look like Premiere.com I got the same response I did after I was pumped for all the information I had: Nothing. Not an explanation about how “Yeah, it’s kind of similar” or “No, it’s not similar at all” in kind. I guess it’s good enough to thieve, crib and pass along your own ideas as yours just as long as you’re big enough. I, also, am fully aware that there might not be any kind of impropriety at all going on, however, I am also aware that brushing me off and not exchanging common courtesy when its extended doesn’t make them look good, either.

I won’t bag on the writer who they have writing the column because I am sure she’s a nice person and doesn’t deserve any of my ire whatsoever, although she would do a lot better with it if she… Well, my ideas aren’t free; they are to everyone who is close enough to me to ask but what does a mega corp care about a little writer from Arizona who writes a weekly column without fail (Her column isn’t weekly, a shame) and who toils for free with only a stand-up editorial support system keeping him from slitting his wrists on the latest issue of Everyday With Rachel Ray that the wife keeps around the house?

Enough to give the impression that they’ve pilfered an idea and have tried to make it their own. If the adage is to let the work speak for itself then I think it’s fairly clear that while I don’t have the balls to say I’m canceling my subscription (Again, it’s not the writers I have a problem with) but it just disappoints me to have been taken for a sucker without me being any the wiser.

While the idea can be enjoyed anywhere enjoy the original taste of 100% goodness below.

UPDATE: I have since been contacted by Premiere regarding this situation and I hope to give their side soon.

ACROSS THE UNIVERSE (2007)

Director: Julie Taymor
Cast:
Evan Rachel Wood, Joe Anderson, Dana Fuchs, Martin Luther, T.V. Carpio, Bono
Release: T.B.A.
Synopsis:
A romantic musical told mainly through numerous Beatles songs performed by the characters. A young man from Liverpool comes to America during the Vietnam War to find his father. He winds up in Greenwich Village, where he falls in love with an American girl who has grown up sheltered in the suburbs. Together they experience the sweeping changes of America in the late 60’s.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Negative. Hmm, what I find curious is that the description only mentions the Beatles as a cursory addition to this film when it’s really the single most important element to this trailer.

I don’t understand the marketing, then. Is this a Beatles musical or is this a musical that just HAAAAPPPPENS to use Beatles music, in which case, the cost to license the tunes would’ve represented a large enough portion of the film’s budget if, in fact, the filmmakers had to pay for the use it. It’s a bit strange and so is the trailer if you’re high enough. This isn’t to say, though, that this is a bad trailer. It’s not at all but there are issues I have which should be clear as we get along in this review.

Kind of going along the theme, and my postulation, that this film’s marketing suffers from an identity crisis of sorts we open on some dude, not just any dude, but a dude who is going for that wet hair, slo-mo, lip-synch that James Blunt and Chris Martin of Coldplay made famous in their respective videos of saccharine love. I don’t get why this unnamed guy is singing the song or what it has to do with a movie in general but I don’t feel one way or the other about it. I’m kind of just, well, bored by it. I get it, though, that the guy is emoting about some lass he likes but this is show business after all and I don’t see why I should part with my money for it.

The next scene, though, the narrative really kicks in but it’s not so much a kick as it is one of those maneuvers where you wait until one of your buddies are walking in front of you and you give the foot they’ve just picked up a good old-fashioned boot that forces him to take a clomp-step and he punches you either in the shoulder or wang, depending on proximity. The story, I guess, is that this guy is going to school at an Ivy League institution and he’s a newcomer to America. The very fact that the guy’s name is Jude and the woman he’s interested in is named Lucy shouldn’t induce too much groaning but it does nonetheless.

Cue “With A Little Help From My Friends”

College chicks in their cheerleader bloomers are cavorting, other schoolboys are sliding down stone rails in jolly frivolity while one of the main instigators of the F-U-N that college people like to do, slides down a bowling alley while standing up. (Hey, is that Bono?)

THEY LIVED WITHOUT RULES

Cue “All You Need Is Love”

Now we get these same people running like free spirits through a forest in loose fitting clothing. Free love is flowing like the wine I never had a chance to partake of and it’s all tre 60’s while skirting the very sharp line of self-parody and it feeling anachronistic. Our Limey gets himself a piece, good for him, damn near swallowing Evan Rachel Wood in the process.

Now, here is the stuff I actually do like. The guy who welcomed the Brit happens to get shipped off to war and the trailer just explodes in a psychedelic pop of color, weirdness and oddity.

Cue “Hey Jude”

As you’re ralfing from the cheap sentimentality of our protagonist getting his heart broken the only relief is the laugher you feel at reading one of the cards that this movie is the of the, “MOST”¦ORIGINAL”¦EXHILARATING”¦SPECTACULAR”¦ GROUNDBREAKING”¦motion picture of the year.” Please. That is not for you to decide and it’s rather presumptuous and gauche to declare in all caps. I mean, yes, the set pieces look absolutely astounding with their construction and creativity but this trailer needs a better pitch than this.

Cue “Across The Universe”

THE NUMBER 23 (2007)

Director: Joel Schumacher
Cast: Jim Carrey, Virginia Madsen, Danny Huston, Logan Lerman, Maile Flanagan, Patricia Belcher, Lynn Collins, Rhona Mitra, Mark Pellegrino, Tara Karsians
Release: February 23, 2007
Synopsis: The psychological thriller THE NUMBER 23 stars Jim Carrey as a man whose life unravels after he comes into contact with an obscure book titled The Number 23. As he reads the book, he becomes increasingly convinced that it is based on his own life. His obsession with the number 23 starts to consume him, and he begins to realize the book forecasts far graver consequences for his life than he could have ever imagined.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. So, I’m watching SIDEWAYS.

I’m being floored by the copious amounts of male nudity, the ass and wang combo that is so rare in today’s cinema, and being entertained quite nicely but I reflected on the backlash against the film that I am still scratching my head at even today. You can see this in more recent terms with regard to LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. Some people are using that as a whipping post for decrying its pseudo intellectualism but for those who have an issue with the film’s overriding theme, as simplistic as it is, I think they would do well to stuff their narrow-minded comments up their collective bung holes. On that point, then, it was Virginia Madsen who really snuck up in that film and surprised me.

Jim Carrey, as well, surprised me and pleased me with regard to his serious turn in ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND. Never has a movie been more poignant as it deals with love and loss, and the pursuit of trying to forget that person completely. The guy surprised me and I have nothing but love for that film.

Fast forward to FUN WITH DICK AND JANE. I’d like to think I wouldn’t hold future projects against a performer but that movie was damn close in annihilating any goodwill I had for Jim.

I am hoping this movie does a little more for me than DICK. The trailer does a lot though in promising this could be a return to form for Carrey, serious actor.

As we come into the trailer, the singular moment of Virginia finding the used red book that is going to drive the plot for the rest of the movie is adequately captured. I am amazed at how forgiving I am at the ham-fisted presentation of information but it’s still good.

Things ramp up even better as Carrey gets sucked into the world of reading really far into things dealing with the number 23. Now, even though we don’t get a real good idea as to why this book takes a serious foothold into his psyche but I’m along for the ride.

“All numbers have a pattern”

Now, while Carrey begins to descend into a PERFECT MIND-like obsession with tying all things back to 23, and ignoring the shit explanation by some scholarly wag about the nature of the number, even hinting that Satan is behind one meaning, I’m riveted to know where we’re going with all this.

When the quick cuts start being slapped together, Jim mentioning the 19rd as the day when both Waco (P.S. Janet Reno lied to the American people. Enjoy being mindless sheep for whatever your Government tells you.) and Oklahoma City took place with April being the 4th month in that equation, all adding up to 23.

And, lastly, what the hell is up with the Carrey donning the tats in the last moments of this trailer? It’s creepy as all hell, Virginia looking like a stand-in for Morticia Adams, and I am completely lost as to how it is supposed to fit into the overall theme of the movie.

I know this flick, coming to us from Nipple-Gate himself, Joel Schumacher, is going to be more likely closer to mainstream with regard to how much you’re going to have to think I am giving thumbs-up to this trailer for the reason that I am genuinely contemplating spending some scratch on an original Schumacher.

WILD HOGS (2007)

Director: Walt Becker
Cast:
Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence, William H. Macy, Marisa Tomei, Jill Hennessy, Ray Liotta
Release: March 2, 2007
Synopsis: Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence and William H. Macy hit the road in this rollicking comedy-adventure about a group of middle-aged friends who decide to rev up their routine suburban lives with a freewheeling motorcycle trip. Taking a long dreamed-of breather from their stressful jobs and family responsibilities, they can’t wait to feel the freedom of the open road.
When this mis-matched foursome, who have grown far more used to the couch than the saddle, set out for this once-in-a-lifetime experience – they encounter a world that holds far more than they ever bargained for. The trip begins to challenge their wits and their luck, especially during a chance run-in with the Del Fuegos, a real-life biker gang who are less than amused with their novice approach. As they go looking for adventure, they soon find that they’ve embarked on a journey they will never forget.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Can’t Someone Protest This Film? Perhaps Appeal To The Hague? I don’t do this often but I was struggling to find what angle to come in at this and I found something that perfectly couches the rest of the explanation below.

[Taken from 1996’s TRAINSPOTTING. Used without permission but attributed thusly]

Sick Boy: It’s certainly a phenomenon in all walks of life.

Renton: What do you mean?

Sick Boy: Well, at one time, you’ve got it… and then you lose it… and it’s gone forever. All walks of life: George Best, for example. Had it, lost it. Or David Bowie, or Lou Reed…

Renton: Some of his solo stuff’s not bad.

Sick Boy: No, it’s not bad, but it’s not great either. And in your heart you kind of know that although it sounds all right, it’s actually just… shite.

I just don’t know what to make of this steaming pile of box office poison.

When you’ve had guys who have obviously done well for themselves years ago in great films: PULP FICTION, FARGO, BOOMERANG (I know, it’s stretching) and even mass-consumed sitcom pap like Home Improvement was a commercial success by any staunch critic’s list of popular sitcoms in the 1990’s.

Now, when you harness these guys who are on the downslide of their careers, Bill Macy being the one big pink elephant anomaly of the bunch, you have something that looks like a schmear of the thickest cream cheese and dick.

I can appreciate, though, the opening. I can. This is a film that needs to connect with my parents, not so much me, so for that it wins points for being knowledgeable of who its audience is supposed to be and doesn’t reach any further. I mean, hell, Travolta giving shit to the leaf boy is the kind of absurd, sophomoric funny-funny that moms and dads love; it’s a great hook.

Macy comes in, then, and notches the cock humor up a notch by having a big public display of misunderstanding not seen since the anticipated release of Windows Vista and its voice command capabilities. Again, it’s absurd, goes straight to the lowest common denominator and leads perfectly to Lawrence and Allen’s failed amusement park game where, surprise surprise, Allen gets a wayward softball in the nuts.

Can’t we stop with the obligatory nut shots? Hasn’t America’s Funniest Home Videos taught us anything about the shelf-life for this kind of gag? I guess if you’re white and over 40 it never gets old.

Speaking of which, I don’t know how we get from crotch shot to motorcycle ridin’ to the recent Top 40 chart topper, Collective Soul’s “Shine”, (Is that the best that some wag in the audio department could do? The song doesn’t even have anything to do with motorcycling yet, here it is, providing the soundtrack to our lives”¦) but I do know that the one laugh I will admit to having at the expense of this trailer is Bill Macy’s stunt double who wipes the fuck out after unsuccessfully executing a fist pump. (Physical humor that might be at the detriment to some sap’s health? Now that’s funny.)

Awful stereotypes follow of what it’s like to ride a combustible engine with no windshield to protect you from cow crap or wayward birds (???) but I am ballasted by John C. McGinley’s appearance at the end of this thing; It’s hard to try and resist the power of this poorly ignored actor. He’s great but the movie looks like all sorts of ass.

RENO 911: MIAMI (2007)

Director: Ben Garant
Cast:
Thomas Lennon, Carlos Alazraqui, Robert Ben Garant, Kerri Kenney-Silver, Wendi McLendon, Niecy Nash
Release: February 23, 2007
Synopsis: The brave men and women of the Washoe County Sheriff’s Department — the thin khaki line that keeps Reno, Nevada on the straight and narrow ““ star in their first feature film, based on the hit Comedy Central television series. The deputies of the Reno Sheriffs Department attend a law enforcement convention in Miami Beach, where the motley crew is charged with protecting the city after bioterrorists attack the convention.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Made Me Laugh Over and Over. I am sorry, I am sorry. I am sorry.

One of the best parts of Comic-Con 2006 was being allowed to be a fly on the proverbial cow patty that was an interview my EIC had with Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant. The two stars of Reno 911 couldn’t have been more affable and enjoyable to talk to on a Sunday morning. The guys go beyond just sharing a brain, they share something you rarely even see in normal life: a bond. They seemed genuinely pleased to be in one another’s company and you could see why the show does as well as it does. When you’re doing any sort of ensemble project it’s utterly necessary to have faith in one another and it showed.

That said, the opening of this trailer is, perhaps, one of the best for a comedy I’ve seen in months. Forget all that voiceover bullshit at the beginning as throaty VoiceOver Guy tries to bait-and-switch, I think we all could agree that we’re all wise enough to know it’s a waste of all of our time to try and sell an action movie and then, ta-da, give us something else; it’s, frankly, in poor form and a piss poor attempt at comedic trickery. When we meet up with Dangle and Junior, Junior snapping out of a nap while behind the wheel, it’s not so much Dangle making it known that Junior shouldn’t be sleeping while driving, and it’s not so much the port-a-potty that they barrel into in one long tracking shot (because that was fucking hilarious) but it’s Dangle’s “nobody in it” that gets the payoff from me.

Further, the task of bringing up everyone who isn’t familiar with the show up to rapid speed is done quite successfully with the chicken that’s on the loose as Dangle nearly blows his foot off, Junior’s comparison of Reno to Mayberry is done without a drip of irony and then a hazed Junior walking into a door jamb whilst carrying a cigarette between his lips completes the trifecta.

I don’t know how else to say that even though the plot kind of hinges on the outrageous premise that a hotel has to be quarantined and that Reno 911’s cops are the only ones left able to patrol but the shot of the cars leaving the garage and one of them being T-boned inadvertently, probably Junior again, makes for some good humor.

I, as well, enjoyed the snippet of Dangle investigating a noise complaint from the residence of “a Suge Knight” and the alligator moment that, for me anyway, surprised even me; the results of which are where the real comedy comes from and this doesn’t look to disappoint in any way.

Plus, two things that would be awful if I had to explain why they were funny: Kerri Kenny’s mishap in the po-po helicopter and Junior’s “mishap” with a dead whale. Comedy platinum.

I’m sorry I haven’t kept up with this show on my Tivo. This problem will be rectified immediately.

Noctural Admissions: Movie Review Hannibal Rising

Filed under: Columns,Nocturnal Admissions,Reviews — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:06 am
nocturnalheader5.gif

Hannibal Rising is like a pretty model at a fashion show – she’s alluring until she opens her mouth.

If Hannibal Rising had simply kept quiet, its icy surface might have been alluring. But the film finds that it must explain, express emotion, tell us what it thinks and what we should think. As soon as the blank calm of the film is broken by real (or “real”) emotion, the audience begins to titter.

Hannibal poster

It’s well known that novelist Thomas Harris has either cynically or through personal inclination drifted away from portraying the hardships and psychological cost of being in law enforcement. In his first book, Black Sunday, weight was evenly distributed between hunters, a coalition of FBI and Israeli agents, and the hunted, terrorists targeting the Super Bowl. In the Hannibal Lecter series that more or less began with Red Dragon, where Lecter was a minor character and really a part of the back story, Harris has shown himself to be increasingly fixated on Lecter. In The Silence of the Lambs he bubbles back up to the surface like an old tire in a garbage dump, taking possession of both the book and the movie made from it (a film which still maintains its regal priority over other adaptations by hewing closing to a semblance of reality). Its two sequels, Hannibal and now Hannibal Rising (a film written by Harris and released just a few months after the book on which it is based), are virtually all Hannibal, with diminishing returns. Ridley Scott and his collaborators wisely changed the ending of Hannibal the book. There, Clarice Starling became the drugged love slave of Lecter. In the film he escapes her clutches, sans a hand, to do battle with her again in some future yet unimagined continuation.

But instead of going forward, Harris has spun backward, into the past, first with a remake of Red Dragon that makes it reasonably consistent with Silence, and now with this evocation of Hannibal’s career up until his arrival in America. In essence he is going over already chewed fat. Hannibal Rising is an expansion of material already covered in the course of Hannibal. It results in a justification and apologia for Hannibal’s wicked ways.

Hannibal kid

Told strictly chronologically, Rising introduces us to the aristocratic Lithuanian Lecter family, fleeing the advance of, it appears, both the German and the Russian armies. Hiding out in their country lodge, which seems to be about two miles from their castle, the bulk of the family is cut down by a coincidence of both Germans and Russians. Alone with his beloved sister Mischa (there is no hint here of incest), Hannibal tries to survive but the lodge is soon invaded by Nazi aspirants, roving scavengers who, in a fit of dietary pique, consumed Mischa.

The rest of the film is a long revenge narrative, with Hannibal receiving some mentorship here and there as he methodically hunts down the five crude gourmands. As is to be expected in such tales, the kills start easy and increase in hardship as the villains become more complex and evil. In the end he heads off to Canada to cancel his final foe (which we don’t see) and the last shot shows his car merrily driving off, presumably to the American border, where he will eventually end up in Baltimore.

The film is an elaborate cat and mouse game, with Lecter down for a while, before getting a great boost from a near relative, Lady Murasaki Shikibu (Gong Li), who gives him martial arts lessons among other things. Lady Murasaki Shikibu is the modified, modern “conscience of the film, shrinking when Hannibal goes too far. Her equivalent is the Nazi hunter Inspector Pope (Dominic West), who is in competition with Lecter to find Mischa’s killers first. The result of the cat and mousiness, however, is that Lecter is imbued with moral certitude and higher justice on his side. This is hard to reconcile with both the sheer scary evil of the character in Red Dragon, and with the moral compass we are used to in movies. Maybe Lecter is a great guy, riding the world of “free range rude,” but in the end is little more than a more dynamic, physically stronger version of the cranky older teacher in Notes on a Scandal.

Hannibal mask

Problems with the film come in such moments as when the adult Lecter (Gaspard Ulliel, of A Very Long Engagement) dons a samurai mask off of a dummy in Lady Murasaki’s storeroom. Harris and / or director Petter Webber (The Girl with a Pearl Earring) seem to think that we all require this evocation of Silence, and its famous bite-prevention face wear. But this is a mask that he puts on intentionally, to commune with the spirits of samurai warriors. The first mask was designed to make transfer easier on his carriers. He didn’t like the prison mask, but seems to like the samurai mask. These confused intentions, or inability to maintain consistency with the materials at hand has always been one of the problems with the Lecter books and films, born perhaps from Harris’s adopting the villain as an avatar for his own cranky opinions on modern life.

Ulliel’s unusual visage, long and lean, evokes less Mr. Lecter than Mr. Sardonicus, or the Joker. He’s got a half moon of a dimple or scar on his left cheek and a smile that sharpens instead of curves. I think he is a good actor, but this is an impossible role, one already acted by two of Britain’s top actors. But by shearing any moral ambiguity from Lecter, Harris and Co. have reduced the character to a straw man, half-hero and half-villain and impossible for probably most actors to portray, what with so many fussy hands molding him and so many audience expectations. True connoisseurs of the villain will probably, as this slow-paced, glacial, and ultimately irrelevant film progresses, feel their tempers rising.

Weekend Shopping Guide 2/16/07: Weird Weekends

Filed under: Shopping Guides — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:44 am

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The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

Long before Comedy Central’s The Daily Show was a glimmer in creator Lizz Winstead’s eye, there was another program that brilliantly satirized programs like 60 Minutes and 20/20 – it was Michael Moore’s TV Nation. One of the TV Nation correspondents that caught my eye was a Brit by the name of Louis Theroux, whose segments included memorable visits with the “new” Klu Klux Klan and NRA rocker Ted Nugent. In fact, it was exactly those profiles of subculture and celebrity that Theroux would explore with his post-TV Nation series Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekends, which originally aired on Bravo in the US and the BBC in the UK. In it, Louis traveled around America, seeking out and trying to make sense of fascinatingly oddball American subcultures such as professional wrestling, rappers, swingers, UFO enthusiasts, etc. In addition, he’s spent face-to-face time with various unique, somewhat eccentric celebrities in his series When Louis Met…. Sadly, the Best of Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekends volumes available in the UK have not made their way to the US yet, but his recent companion book thankfully has. The Call of the Weird: Travels In American Subcultures (Da Capo Press, $24.00 SRP) finds Theroux following up on some of the subjects of those Weird Weekends, and it’s a positively wonderful read. I just hope that a network in the US sees fit to begin airing his work Stateside – particularly as he’s just begun a brand new series of specials for the BBC, the first of which took him to Las Vegas in an effort to understand the siren call of gambling.

After a long and storied career, Martin Scorsese proves that he’s still got what it takes with his adaptation of the Hong Kong crime thriller Infernal Affairs, The Departed (Rated R, DVD-$34.99 SRP). Not since Goodfellas has Scorsese made a film that positively crackles – from the script to the cast and Scorsese’s direction itself, which holds it all together. Here’s your quick plot primer – the state of Massachusetts is keen to finally take down crime boss Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson), and they plant a rookie cop (Leonardo DiCaprio) into Costello’s organization to feed them info to bring it down. What they don’t know, however, is that a rising rookie in their own department (Matt Damon) is a mole for Costello – and what follows is a marvelous series of double-crosses, feints, bluffs, and pure cinematic joy. It’s great to see a filmmaker reclaim their crown, and with this flick, Scorsese most certainly has. The 2-disc special edition features 9 additional scenes (with intros from Scorsese), TCM’s career profile of the director, a featurette on the real-life mobster that inspired Nicholson’s character, a look at the early neighborhood influences of Scorsese’s work, and the theatrical trailer.

Of course, now that you’ve viewed Scorsese’s take, I’d recommend you grab yourself a copy of the original via the handy all-in-one Infernal Affairs Trilogy box set (Genius, Rated R/Not Rated, DVD-$39.99 SRP). All three films in the trilogy are loaded with bonus features, including behind-the-scenes featurettes, trailers, deleted scenes, and even a commentary (on Infernal Affairs 2).

Oh, and while you’re at it, pick up the new special edition of Jackie Chan’s incredible Police Story 2 (Genius, Not Rated, DVD-$19.95 SRP), featuring an audio commentary, interviews, behind-the-scenes featurettes, outtakes, trailers, and more.

It’s an oft-told tale, but documentarians David Leaf & John Scheinfeld (who also produced the criminally unseen doc Who Is Harry Nilsson & Why Is Everybody Talking About Him? – look it up) have managed to create an illuminating, engaging, altogether fresh take on the legendary case of The US Vs. John Lennon (Lionsgate, Rated PG-13, DVD-$27.98 SRP). If you’re unaware of this slice of Lennon history, it was the multi-year struggle against the U.S. government to stay in his beloved New York and avoid deportation – a politically motivated action due to Lennon’s fiercely public antiwar stance. The DVD features additional cut footage and interviews.

While many have compared Clint Eastwood’s American side of his Iwo Jima chronicle unfavorably to the Japanese-centered Letters From Iwo Jima, Flags of Our Fathers (Paramount, Rated R, DVD-$29.99 SRP) is just as assured a film, and in may ways is more honest in its portrayal of war and the sacrifice and the accomplishment of the soldiers on the ground than Spielberg’s far bigger and more expensive Saving Private Ryan. That unadorned, matter-of-fact portrayal is an Eastwood hallmark, and a much welcome one in a flick that portrays an iconic battle in military history. Here’s hoping a future edition makes up for this bare bones release – it deserves a bevy of supplemental material, particularly of a historic nature.

As much as I enjoyed the deluxe, lavishly-illustrated behind-the-scenes chronicle of costuming in the Star Wars franchise courtesy of last year’s must-have tome Dressing a Galaxy, there’s no denying that I was even more geekily jazzed by this year’s companion volume, Sculpting A Galaxy (Insight Editions, $50.00 SRP). The title is rather self-explanatory, but if you’re having trouble figuring it out, this equally massive tome spotlights all of the intricate, maddeningly meticulous model and creature work featured in the dual trilogies.

And on the subject of that meticulous work, Sideshow – as part of their distribution agreement with Japan collectible manufacturer Medicom – has been importing select items from their line of “VCDs” (Vinyl Collectible Dolls). The latest of which is a tribute to those amazing special effects mavens – Stuart Freeborn, in this case – who brought Yoda to life. The Medicom VCD Yoda ($59.99) stands approx. 4″ tall, and is in scale with Sideshow’s 12″ Star Wars line. And, as you can see from the pictures below, the sculpt, clothing, and paint job are amazing.

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Warners has more themed releases than you can shake a stick with, including their banner “Signature” collections, and to that impressive pedigree you can add their new “Director’s” series. The inaugural quartet consists of some quality titles – Nicolas Roeg’s Performance, Fellini’s Ginger & Fred, Neil Jordan’s The Butcher Boy, and Tony Richardson’s The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Runner (Warner Bros., Rated PG-13/R, DVD-$19.98 SRP each). Bonus features on Loneliness and Ginger & Fred are limited to the original theatrical trailers, while Performance sports both brand new and vintage behind-the-scenes featurettes, and Butcher Boy has an audio commentary from Roeg and additional scenes.

A perfect companion piece to This Film Is Not Yet Rated, producer/director Steve Anderson has produced a beautiful portrait of a word that can cause the faint of heart to flutter and the closed of mind to blow their tops – FUCK (Thinkfilm, Not Rated, DVD-$19.99 SRP). With animation from Bill Plympton and an amazing list of commentators – including Billy Connolly, Drew Carey, Janeane Garofalo, Bill Maher, Hunter S. Thompson, Kevin Smith, and more – it’s worthy subject and worth a spin. Bonus features include an audio commentary, extended interviews, deleted scenes, and more.

While Philip Seymour Hoffman’s turn as Truman Capote got most of the buzz, I think the largely overlooked (by nature of losing the race to the screen) Infamous (Warner Bros., Rated R, DVD-$27.98 SRP) features a much more nuanced performance from Toby Jones as the larger-than-life author whose journey to write In Cold Blood forms the crux of this outing as well. Bonus features include an audio commentary and the theatrical trailer.

Better than both Ocean’s 11 & 12 combined, the second series of the UK’s con drama Hustle (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$34.98 SRP) is just as engagingly high energy and intelligent as its inaugural run. Heck, any series smart enough to cast Robert Vaughn as an aging pro is aces in my book. The 2-disc set features all 6 episodes, plus an in-depth documentary on the smashing final episode.

The 6th season of All In The Family (Sony, Not Rated, DVD-$29.95 SRP) was to prove to be a transitional one for the show, setting the stage for a major shake-up to come. That major event was Gloria’s pregnancy, coupled with Mike and Gloria moving out of the Bunker household and into the house next door (which would eventually lead to the Stivics departing the show altogether). Regardless of what was to come, this was still a banner year for the show, and still consistent with the incredible level of quality they were able to maintain for the bulk of the show’s legendary run. In particular, the episode “Joey’s Baptism” is a true classic, and one of the series’ most powerful. The 3-disc set features all 24 episodes, but no bonus features. Is it that hard to get Sally Struthers on the line?

Few thought that something as off-the-beaten track as a prime time soap about, well, about the surprisingly romantic adventures of Beauty and the Beast (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$50.99 SRP) would ever fly on network TV, but fly it did, as millions of viewers tuned in to see the blossoming romance between the noble man-beast Vincent (Ron Perlman, in his breakthrough role) and assistant New York D.A. Catherine (Linda Hamilton). Long after Dark Shadows left the airwaves and before The X-Files made odd chic, there was the star-crossed adventures of Vincent and Catherine – the complete first season of which is now available on DVD, sans any bonus features whatsoever. Not even a make-up featurette! I do want to point out, though, how much I love the case the set comes in – it features all 6 discs, safe and secure, in a regular single-disc size case. Brilliant!

Though it sank from sight rather quickly, there’s an endearing, oddball charm to School For Scoundrels (Genius, Not Rated, DVD-$29.95 SRP), starring Jon Heder as a unconfident schlub who enrolls in the confidence-building seminar of a decidedly extreme Billy Bob Thornton – only to have the lessons turn into a quickly escalating all-out war between the two of them to prove who’s the manliest. The unrated special edition features additional footage, an alternate ending, audio commentary, a making-of featurette, gag reel, and the theatrical trailer.

Long before ER brought viewers into the high stakes, adrenaline-loaded atmosphere of emergency rescue and the emergency room itself, there was a little show in the 70’s called Emergency! (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP), which followed paramedics Ray DeSoto (Kevin Tighe) and John Gage (Randolph Mantooth) as they arrive at scenes of near-death and often violent destruction, and must get their patients to the doors of Rampart Hospital alive. Great stuff. So pick up the complete third season, now available.

If you’d like your weekend to lean a little bit more high-brow, partake of a pair of BBC miniseries making their way to DVD, the first of which is World War II: When Lions Roared (Koch, Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP), whose biggest selling point is its cast – Michael Caine as Stalin, John Lithgow as Roosevelt, and Bob Hoskins as Churchill. Also available is the Beeb’s epic adaptation of James Fenimore Cooper’s The Last of the Mohicans (Koch, Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP). Both are worth a spin (although my preference will always lie with the powerhouse trio of Roared).

Are we already at the end of The Golden Girls on DVD? Well, with the release of the seventh and final season (Buena Vista, Not Rated, DVD-$39.99 SRP), it certainly seems we are. In addition to all 26 episodes, the 3-disc set also contains the retrospective documentary Thank You For Being a Friend: A Look Back With The Golden Girls.

So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

-Ken Plume

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QSE News: 2/16/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:26 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgTickets to this year’s Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival have already sold out, two months before the event. The news has left local drug dealers scrambling to bolster their inventory while local shop keepers have been forced to remove “unwanted yet essential” items, like soap, from the shelves to make room for more Doritos, Funyons and Oreo’s.
  • Renowned shock jock Howard Stern is set to marry long time sweetheart and uber-hottie Beth Otrosky.  The news came as quite a shock to many Stern fans who took the radio personality’s comments that he would never marry again to heart.  Less shocking was the revelation that Stern proposed to Otrosky at Score’s while she was riding the Sybian and after a rousing game of Butt Bongos.  Baba Booey.
  • In continued nuptial news, the formerly full-locked Felicity star Keri Russell has married longtime fiancé and contractor Shane Deary.  While wishing the couple a long and happy marriage, we here at QSE News would like to point out that it is highly unlikely the contractor will be able to re-build Russell’s career.
  • Actor Aaron Eckhart is in final negotiations to join the cast of The Dark Knight as Batman ally and future bad guy Harvey Dent.  Insiders close to the production say that Eckhart was actually the second choice for the roll, but was called in when producers couldn’t come to terms with fitness guru Richard Simmons.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/16/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:24 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Fulfill your lifelong dream to become an M&M… (Thingamabob)
  • Am I wrong for finding this very, very funny? (Thingamabob)
  • Sadly, this clearly sums up the state of the fourth estate… (Thingamabob)
  • The great Tex Avery’s RAID commercial… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 15, 2007

The Fred Hembeck Show: Episode 91 – Super Fred

Filed under: The Fred Hembeck Show — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:02 am

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It may not be a trip to the mountains, but a visit to Hembeck.com is ALWAYS a vacation – and remember, footwear is optional!

-Copyright 2007 Fred Hembeck

Music For The Masses: 2/15/07

Filed under: Columns,Music for the Masses — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:02 am
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Guten Morgen sehr geehrte Damen und Herren! Welcome back to another edition of Music for the Masses. Now, before we begin, I’d like to announce to you all that… umm, I think I might be the father of Anna Nicole’s baby. Seriously. I mean, who’s to say that Anna Nicole didn’t sneak into my room one night, accidentally trip and land twat-down on my “Maria Sharapova/Kate Beckinsale/Lindsay Lohan” sock that I keep next to my bed?

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Tennis hasn’t been THIS sexy since Boris Becker retired.

Hey… weirder things have happened. Just ask Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband. Maybe she used a truck stop toilet after I did… whatever. Either way, I think the possibility warrants a paternity test. So, lawyers… if you need a DNA sample, just let me know…I’ll FedEx you a paper towel LOADED with stuff… and I mean LOADED. Just like the one I sent to Oprah. But hey, enough about that because we don’t do bullshit, non-sequitors anymore around here, right? And besides… we have some new music to review. Up first, as promised, we check in with the new one from The Cat Empire followed closely by Double A’s look at the new disc from the Wu Tang Clan. Oh, and batting clean-up, on his “off-week” no less, is J.D., who checks in with some Grammy coverage. Sound like fun? Well. . .how’s about we find out?
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The Cat Empire

Album: Two Shoes
Sounds like:
Two Cats fuckin’… a skinny, funky-smelling latin one and a nappy-looking, pot-smoking rasta cat.

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Seriously… I’m not joking when I tell you that I fucking (yes, I just typed “fucking”) hate cats. I always have. There really is no “defining” moment here and no, “I’m not allergic” which is really just code for “I hate your fucking (yes, I just typed “fucking”) cat.” Why do I hate these creatures of the night/pure evil? Hmmm… interesting question. You know, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I CAN tell you that the loathing started after I first witnessed, at a tender young age, the way a cat can make it’s butthole “wink” as it walks out of a room. I’m convinced that’s a cat’s way of saying “fuck you” and, besides, it’s “Creepy” with a capitol “K.” What??!! Oh… come on now, don’t “pretend” you’ve never seen a kitty’s “stinkin’, blinkin’ balloon knot. “That’s like telling your girlfriend/wife/mom that “you’ve never jacked off.” Remember kids… Satan and Anna Nicole are reserving a special place in hell for liars.

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Whatever. But as much as I may hate these corn-hole flaunting little bastards, (no, silly… not Satan or Anna Nicole…the cats!!) I can honestly tell you that I have never been compelled to exact revenge on one… unlike my buddy Tom. But more on that in a minute. First, we have to exact revenge on ANOTHER type of cat… The Cat Empire. How’s that for a segue? Slicker than shit through a goose, eh?

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The Cat Empire


Sooo… as the minority of you heard on last week’s pod cast, the U.S. debut of Australia’s very own and EXTRAORDINARILY successful, The Cat Empire, dropped last week and was, without a doubt, one of the new releases in February (or as my retarded cousin likes to call it… “HNNNNGGGHHH”) that I was greatly looking forward to. “So,” I’m sure you’re asking, “how did Two Shoes fair, M.C.?” Well, my fine young cannibals… I’m glad you asked.

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The Cat Power


Two Shoes is, without a doubt, one of the most uneven and disappointing discs I’ve heard in quite some time. There are some exceptionally melodic and endearing moments here, as well as some groovy beats and rhythms, but nothing on this new disc comes close to being as infectious as the band’s first hit, 2003’s “Hello.” Consistent with their previous outings, the music on Two Shoes is an enthusiastic combination of ska, funk, latin, humor and hip hop, and again, The Cat Empire gets high marks for “mixing things up.” However, the combination of “mixing things up,” typically tired, British reggae-affectations, odd time signatures and Felix Riebl’s mediocre vocals (see “In My Pocket,” “Lullaby” and “Saltwater”) proves more toxic than intriguing on this particular outing.

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The Cat Stevens


If you are looking for a silver lining here, the six piece PLUS ensemble (featuring Oliver McGill on keyboards, Riebl on drums/vocals, Ryan Monroe on double bass, Harry James Angus on trumpet, Will Hull-Brown on drums, DJ Jamshid “Jumps” Khadiwala and various other horn players, dancers and guests) does offer up a few outstanding tracks, specifically, the album opener “Sly,” “The Car Song” and the Santana-esque “Sol Y Sombra.””Unfortunately, the majority of the tracks come off sounding like muddled outtakes from a Sublime recording session, pre-Brad Nowell’s-untimely-heroin-overdose. If you are looking for unique, especially in the realm of latin/reggae fusion, The Cat Empire’s Two Shoes is ABSOLUTELY your disc. Ummm. . .emphasis on “unique” there. If you are looking for “time-less” and “ultimately listenable” ska in the vein of a Tosh or a Marley or hell, even a Sublime, skip this fucker like an episode of “Studio 60.”

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So, as I was saying before we were so RUDELY interrupted, my buddy Tom had an asshole roommate in college who had an even bigger asshole of a cat. According to Tom, the cat was “just a dick,” assuming cats can be such things, and had taken up the nasty habit of pissing in, on and around Tom’s room/things. Ever smell cat piss? Yeah, well, understandably, this didn’t sit well with my buddy Tom.

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Even the cat couldn’t stand the smell of it’s own piss…


So, after cleaning up after the hairy little fucker for the umpteenth time and realizing that no level of Febreeze® was going to remove this special brand of “pussy stank,” Tom decided that it was time for the cat’s owner to do “a little cleaning up.” So, without further ado, my pal dropped trough and took a mighty shit in the cat’s litter box. Now, this part of the story is merely conjecture, but I’m guessing that the entire time, Tom is thinking “yeah buddy… scoop THIS up with your little, slotted spatula!!”

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But Tom wasn’t done for, as many of you may or may not know, after dropping a nutty, fat kid into the cat’s pool, one is in need of a wipe. And THAT is EXACTLY what Tom did… with his roommate’s “face only” towel… using a hearty, front-to-back/back-to-front sawing motion…before refolding the towel neatly on the rack to hide the offending stain. Now, I’m not sure what happened with that towel, but I do know the roommate entered the abode and spied that mighty loaf perched atop the mound of TidyCat®; never ONCE suspecting it was human fecal mater in his kitty shitter. And, much to Tom’s chagrin, the roommate did not immediately pluck that gargantuan turd out of the box with the afore-mentioned slotted spatula and vow to amend his ways.

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On the contrary, the roommate screamed like a chick, sobbed hysterically and whisked the cat off to an emergency vet clinic. Now, in all fairness to this clown, if I had a cat and I saw a mythically-sized turd wedged in it’s box, I’m not sure I’d immediately think, “Hey… somebody shit in my cat box. No fair! Oh well, I guess I’ll scoop it up and keep a better eye on the cat!” but I guess we’ll never know. I’ll tell you this, though, where I, too, would have most likely assumed that there was something tragically wrong with the animal, I guarantee you I wouldn’t have screamed like a chick. But I digress.

So friends, what’s the moral of this story? Honestly, I have no fucking clue, but I’ll tell you this… don’t fuck with my buddy Tom. Oh yeah, and if he comes to visit? After he leaves, burn your towels.

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Me likey the Wu-Tang Clan. I always have too. Back in the day when all the kids I knew were into Extreme or god knows what else, I was bumpin Wu Tang’s Forever. I never went as far as to buy any articles of Wu Wear, but I have bought enough of their CDs to feel somewhat financially responsible for Ol’ Dirty Bastards drug habit and eventual death. Sorry Dirt. Anyways, as far as the Wu-Tang Clan goes, it’s been a pretty tough run over the last several years. Sure we’ve seen some great discs released by individual members, but nothing really from the group as a whole. That is until now. Well, kinda.

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To call Mathematics Presents Wu-Tang Clan & Friends: Unreleased a true Wu-Tang release is stretching it a bit. Yes there are several tracks with Clan members on it and there are even two tracks with at least four members on it, this just doesn’t seem like a Wu-Tang record. I’m not saying that this is bad, far from it. It just doesn’t have the same magic that the previous records have had. Maybe it’s the fact that The Rza had nothing to do with the production. Maybe not.

I can say that there are no bad songs on this album, but some definitely stand out more than others. Oddly enough, most of the songs that feature a Clan member are good, especially the Wu-Tangy track “Wu Banga Remix,” which features Gza, Ghostface Killa, Raekwon, Cappadonna and Masta Killa. Out of all the “& Friends” there really isn’t much that is really gripping. “Wanna Believe” by Allah real and Bad Luck is the best track without the Wu.

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Be it the orange drink preferred by (non diaper wearing and pepper spraying) astronauts, or the slang for a ladies Va-J, I’m totally down with the Tang. Luckily, if this album gives us a clue into what the future holds for the Wu-Tang Clan, the groups next album just might be the greatest rap album ever created. Well, at least the greatest rap album that ODB didn’t have a part in.

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Reverb. . .with J.D.

Last Sunday night, JD watched the Grammys”¦every last soul-sucking moment of it. Here then, is his blow-by-blow account:

7 O’Clock Hour:

–Ladies and Gentlemen, opening the show tonight”¦.The Police! Like everyone else I can’t wait to see how well the Gibb brothers have aged”¦.especially Sting Gibb.

–Song choice: “Roxanne”. Wow! Who would have guessed??

–Sting really seems to have a special glow about him tonight – either he’s delighted to be back with his boys, or he just had sex for eight hours.

–The person happiest about this little reunion has to be Policeman #3. Sting sold out to Madison Avenue ages ago and Stewart Copeland at least had a nice little run with the supergroup Oysterhead. Andy Summers though – you’d have to think that his royalties from Zenyatta Mondatta dried up a long time ago.

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The Police in younger days

******

–Tony Bennett and Stevie Wonder take down the first award, and Stevie’s voice breaks as he dedicates the award to his mom. Geez, we’re only 4 minutes into this thing and I’m already choked up.

–Tony follows that up by slipping in a plug for “Target, the best sponsor of my life” during his acceptance speech. So much for the tender moment.

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–Next up, The Dixie Chicks, performing “I’m Not Ready To Make Nice.” I’m going to bypass the obvious fashion/talent/Natalie Maines jokes here and give them a begrudging tip of the cap. They faced major public vitriol in 2003, all on account of Maines making a disparaging comment about President Bush – ‘fans’ bulldozed their CDs at a demonstration against them and country radio stations banned their music from the airwaves. But regardless of what you think of them, this actually kind of sucks”¦given, you know, The First Amendment and all.

–Not to mention Duhbya’s current approval ratings”¦but I digress”¦

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–Back from a commercial, we have our first surprise guest of the night: Prince!

–As I’ve mentioned before, he is one stylie mofo – except tonight it looks like he borrowed Nicole Richie’s sunglasses”¦and hairstylist.

–(Does anyone else ever wonder how many women Prince ‘purified in the waters of Lake Minnetonka’ before he got all Jehovah witnessy on us? I’d like to know.)

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We know Appollonia was baptized

–He introduces Beyonce, who sounds and looks as beautiful as ever. A nation of men simultaneously curses Jay-Z.

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–In the best R&B song category, Mary J. Blige beats a fine field (Prince, Jamie Foxx, India.Arie, and Lionel Richie) for the win–and takes the early lead in the clubhouse for longest acceptance speech. She spilled into the ‘exit’ music by at least 30 seconds”¦I was sure they were going to bring Chuck Barris out on her”¦

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That’s “Gong Show” Chuck Barris”¦not “Assassin” Chuck Barris

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–Our next presenter is Queen Latifah – voice of the Pizza Hut commercials! From the looks of things, it appears that they pay her in P’zones”¦.handsomely”¦.

******

–Justin Timberlake hits the stage. Say what you what you want about JT, but he’s no cheeseball bubblegum popster, a la Britney or Clay Aiken. He’s cool, and a legit talent.

–Okay, right after I wrote that, he breaks out the “JT Cam,” filming himself performing with a handheld video-cam. Thank you, JT, for promptly refuting my ‘he’s cool, not-a-cheeseball’ argument.

–Okay then, how about this? Cameron Diaz and Scarlett Johannson.

–(Jerk.)

******

–Pink comes out to present a Lifetime Achievement Award to The Doors.

–(I’m afraid to make any jokes about Pink).

–Someone named “T.I.” follows that up with an unintelligible segue into the Best Soul Female R&B Performance.

–Excuse me, stewardess”¦.do you speak jive?

******

–MJB wins again. I love Mary J. and all, but if we have to sit through her fake tears all night, I might have to reconsider.

******

8 O’Clock Hour:


–Stevie Wonder introduces Corrin Bailey Rae, John Legend, and John Mayer.

–Somewhere out there, MC Bell is jumping up and down in anticipation of Mayer playing “I Wanna Run Through the Halls of My High School”¦”

–Everyone brags about John Mayer’s prowess as a blues guitarist, and he shows off some impressive chops here”¦but I’m sorry, the Statute of Limitations on “Your Body Is A Wonderland,” “Daughters,” and “The High School Song” has NOT run out. It’s going to take a while.

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Sorry, White Boy”¦your reincarnation as a Blues Man is going to have to wait.

–Mayer wins the next award, and thanks Michael McDonald first. That explains a lot.

–p.s. He’s also dating Jessica Simpson.

–On the bright side, though, how about Corrin Bailey Rae?? She’s a siren!

******


–Before the commercial break, they tease the upcoming Shakira performance, which inspires the following quote from my buddy Wolfeman: “Oh, Shakira, please wear something nice.”

–Shakira comes on”¦and our wish has been granted! She’s in a tube-top and is busting her Egypto/Latina belly-dance thing”¦and it is HOT! Wyclef Jean can hardly keep himself from rubbing up on her. He’s adjusted his junk three times already – I’m not even kidding.

–I’m in love! (With Shakira I mean”¦)

–CBS cameras cut straight from her performance to a shot of The Dixie Chicks. That’s one way to cool things off real quick.

–Next up, Burt Bacharach makes a pass at Seal. The Shakira fire has officially been extinguished.

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Shakira tiene una moda muy sabrosa.

******

–Two ladies from “How I Met Your Mother” (??) introduce The Grateful Dead as Lifetime Achievement Award winners. Hippies everywhere regurgitate kind rainbow goo-balls in their mouths. Wasn’t Bill Walton available?

–Good try by The Grammys though. And nice footage of Jerry Garcia and Pigpen.

******

–Now the song you’ve all been DYING to hear”¦.”Crazy,” performed live by Gnarls Barkley!! Seriously, they should play that song more often.

–Okay, okay”¦I’ll admit it. Best song of the millennium so far.

******

–Afterwards, cutaway #7 to the three finalists for the “My Grammy Moment” award”¦(a.k.a the “Let’s Rip Off American Idol Contest”).

–The young ladies once again hold hands and preen for the camera, inspiring The Wolfeman to say “I hope they start making out!”

–It’s official: Grammy loopiness has set in upon us.

******

–Next presenters are Common and Kanye “George Bush Doesn’t Like Black People” West. This could be fun.

–Alas, no such luck. However, during his acceptance speech, Ludacris–best-dressed man of the night–thanks Bill O’Reilly and Oprah! That was worth it.

******

8:30 pm

–Okay, confession time. This is not a ‘live’ blog. We tivoed it. And this is the point of the show where things went CAREENING downhill. So let’s just play Tivo and fast-forward through the ‘highlights’:

Another PYT camera shot (alas, no making out). MJB performs. Dixie Chicks win again–Natalie Maines quotes Nelson Munsch in her acceptance speech (Please”¦make it stop”¦). Reba McEntire introduces a “Roots of Country Music” medley, then wipes ‘Red Man’ off her chin. Carrie Underwood – meow – sings an old-time country song. (Sadly, no camera shots of the crowds’ mass exodus to the restroom). Then, the low point of the night: Rascal Flatts does their best bar-karaoke version of “Hotel California.” The lead singer plays air-guitar at the end”¦ and there’s three minutes of our life we’ll never get back. How in the hell are these guys popular?? Oh wait”¦.NASCAR crowd”¦Now Carrie Underwood does “Desperado.” It looks surprisingly nice on ‘mute!’ Then, more “Guantanamo Bay Torture Music” from Rascal Flatts”¦ I’m pretty sure he’s singing “Life in the ‘Fat’ Lane.” Ladies and Gentlemen, The Roots of Country Music”¦ featuring The Eagles! The Grammys sure have their fingers on the pulse of music.

On a positive note, Lionel Richie is coming up (Thank God!!). In the meantime, Samuel L Jackson comes out in a beret”¦again. When the hell are his male buddies going to have a ‘beret-intervention’?? He introduces Smokey Robinson, who manages to move his lips through the Botox, a very impressive feat. And finally, Lionel”¦.and he’s singing “Hello”!! I couldn’t be happier. That’s followed by youngsters in Mexi wrestling masks, breakdancing. Very upsetting. But in keeping with the manic, up-and-down pace, Christina Aguilera comes out for a James Brown tribute”¦ resplendent in a white camel-toe suit, she KILLS “This is a Man’s World.” Afterwards, you can see Jamie Foxx nodding and saying “That was good stuff right there.” Can we just pretend like the Rascal Flatts thing never happened?

The ‘in-memoriam’ segment is next, properly capped off by a stylish tribute to James Brown. They hang his “Godfather of Soul” cape on a microphone and fade to black. Hard to believe, but every now and then the Grammys get it right.

It’s downhill from there. Amazingly, David Spade gets some airtime, MJB switches to her hair from 1994 for her performance with Ludacris, and James Blunt sings “You’re Beautiful” (while we frantically search for the ‘MUTE’ button). Then, former rock band The Red Hot Chili Peppers perform one of their new Adult Contemporary hits, and in the annual “The Grammys Have Zero Credibility” moment, The Dixie Chicks beat “Crazy” for Song of the Year”¦which is followed up by them beating four more deserving artists for “Album of the Year.” So in the end, the last three hours were an agonizing prelude to the Grammys Big Wet Kiss of the Dixie Chicks.

If you’ve lasted this long with me you probably feel as dirty and spent as I did after watching it. Please don’t hesitate to write MC and tell him I deserve a raise.

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

UPCOMING RELEASES… 2/20/07

ARTIST TITLE GENRE
EXPLOSIONS IN THE SKY ALL OF A SUDDEN I MISS EVERYONE ALTERNATIVE
PERKINS, ELVIS ASH WEDNESDAY ALTERNATIVE
BARSHEM GHETTONOMETRY Not Provided
BOB & GENE IF THIS WORLD WERE MINE Not Provided
CALL ME LIGHTNING SOFT SKELETONS Not Provided
CULTURE RAW TRUTH EXTENDED PLAY Not Provided
CURSED BLACKOUT AT SUNRISE Not Provided
DANIELS, DAVID KARSTEN SHARP TEETH Not Provided
ECHOES OF ETERNITY THE FORGOTTEN GODDESS Not Provided
ERASURE ON THE ROAD TO NASHVILLE Not Provided
FU MANCHU WE MUST OBEY Not Provided
HANDSHAKE MURDERS USURPER Not Provided
HELL RAZAH THE RENAISSANCE CHILD Not Provided
HIGH LLAMAS CAN CLADDERS Not Provided
IAMTHETHORN YOU ARE THE LAMB Not Provided
JIN ABC Not Provided
JOAKIM MONSTERS & SILLY SONGS Not Provided
KNIFE MARBLE HOUSE Not Provided
LAIBACH VOLK Not Provided
LYMBYC SYSTYM LOVE YOUR ABUSER Not Provided
METALIUM NOTHING TO UNDO-CHAPTER SIX Not Provided
NEIN LUXURY Not Provided
OH NO NOT STEREO OH NO NOT STEREO Not Provided
P.G. SIX SLIGHTLY SORRY Not Provided
PAGANIZE EVILUTION HOUR Not Provided
RED HARVEST A GREATER DARKNESS Not Provided
RODIGAN, DAVID & STING INTL. KINGS OF REGGAE Not Provided
SAMAMIDON BUT THIS CHICKEN PROVED FALSE Not Provided
SINNER MASK OF SANITY Not Provided
SLATER, LUKE FABRIC 32 Not Provided
TA’RAACH ELOVEE Not Provided
THIRSTON HOWL III & RACK LO LO DOWN & DIRTY Not Provided
TIME FLYS REBELS OF BABYLON Not Provided
ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA OUT OF THE BLUE Not provided
FERREIRA, ZACARIAS DIME QUE FALT Not provided
FINGER ELEVEN THEM VS. YOU VS. ME Not provided
GOOD CHARLOTTE GOOD MORNING REVIVAL Not provided
FIFTY CALIBER KISS ARMOR CLASS INVINCIBLE POP
VICCTOR KRUMMENACHER THE COCK CROWS AT SUNRISE POP
CLASSIC CASE LOSING AT LIFE ROCK
CONN, BOBBY KING FOR A DAY ROCK
COOL HAND LUKE THE BALANCING ACT ROCK
FRAMES, THE THE COST ROCK
JESU CONQUEROR ROCK
ONE AM RADIO THIS TOO WILL PASS ROCK
STERN, MARNIE IN ADVANCE OF THE BROKEN ARM ROCK
SWIFT, RICHARD DRESSED UP FOR THE LETDOWN ROCK
TRANS AM SEX CHANGE ROCK

Well, there you have it friends… another one in the bank. Until next week, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud.

Send pictures of your liter box, review copies, hate mail and assorted presents to:

M.C. Bell

P.O. Box 1222

Arvada, CO 80001

m4m-valtrax

Hey… it appears that Paris has a cat, too, because it clearly states this prescription is for her pussy.

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

Keneteph’s Korner: Imani Coppola – Reintroducing Soul

Filed under: Columns,Keneteph's Korner — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:53 am
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Imani Coppola: Reintroducing Soul

keneteph2007-01-15-01.jpgSo a few weeks ago I woke up hip to Imani Coppola, a multi talented musician who is 10 years deep in the game. Her sound crosses every style imaginable; Alternative, Rock, Classical, Hip Hop, R & B – you name it! I never heard of her until I heard her song “Woke Up Hwite” on somebody’s myspace profile, and fell in love with her sound immediately. After listening to a few of her other songs, it affirmed the best things come unexpectedly. Imani’s put out nine albums, her first being Chupacabra, released in 1997 on Columbia Records. Her most recent disc, The Black and White Album, was released this past January on her own label, having songs showing the authentic, soulful strength of this now independent artist.

The whole Black and White Album is a musical journey in self exploration. The melodies and lyrics are unpredictable, but still allow the listener to follow Imani on her journey, as they tap into their own being. The irony hits you like “damn,” like in “The Black and White Jingle #1” when she says “Sometimes life may feel like it’s sucking you up/but it’s not, it may just be you sucking . . .” All around, this CD should be ranked among the classics. Pick it up and get ready for the ride! If you still need convincing check out some tracks on her MySpace Page.

When doing the phone interview I was on a local college campus – a place where people learn new ideas, and attempt to find their place in the real world. Respectively, in the school of the entertainment industry, Imani learned many lessons, knows her place in the “music world,” and expresses a style all of her own. “When I first got signed I was confused by the business conflicting with creating musical art,” Imani explained. “An up and coming artist with a message can break in the mainstream, but they’ll have to make a single where they’ll more likely be saying something they don’t want to. It sucks, that if the major label you are on doesn’t like what you say in a song, you are screwed.”

There were certain songs she couldn’t put out when signed because her label didn’t think they had enough commercial, mainstream appeal. Determined to get her musical message out, she released Little Red Fighting Mood independently in 2001. This CD was made up of songs not picked for her first two albums. Making positive of any situation and a strong will are not only reflected in her music, but her personality as well. Despite being under the weather, she schooled me on her experience in the industry, and was just as witty and insightful as her songs.

As a businesswoman she wears multiple hats, acting as her own manager, and promoter. She personally answers all business emails, and sends CDs herself to the online sites that sell them. “Every artist will need outside help eventually, but being independent helps boost one’s self worth as an artist. You make goals, achieve them, and celebrate – it’s like playing an instrument, and getting better as you practice.” That she has experience with as she writes, composes, and arranges all the music she does.

Her goal for this current album is to get it out to the masses, and start working on another CD. She also wants to continue composing and branch off into composing music scores, and even voiceover work.

People can buy her music and find out more about her at www.imanicoppola.net.

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Copyright 2007 Keneteph Entertainment

QSE News: 2/15/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:35 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgIron Maiden is set to become the first metal band to ever play in India with an upcoming show at the Bangalore’s Palace. This event confirms that India does not realize that it’s not 1986 anymore.
  • The Wachowski Brothers are set to start filming their live action adaptation of Speed Racer.  Details of the plot have not been released yet, but insiders say the brothers are really looking forward to the big rave/orgy scene involving Speed, Trixie, Racer X and Chim Chim the monkey.
  • The record label Kill Rock Stars has announced that they will be releasing a double CD of unreleased tracks from the late singer/songwriter Elliot Smith.  Arguably one of America’s best song writers, Smith died in October of 2003 of an apparent suicide.  Executives from Kill Rock Stars are excited about the release saying “this album is so good, it’ll make you want to stab yourself in the heart.”
  • It’s being reported that writer/director Kevin Smith will be directing the pilot for a new CW show called Reaper. [* Editors note: the following has been edited by the QSE News Team for content and accuracy*] A spokesman for the network has been quoted as saying “Kevin Smith? We hired Kevin [best-director-ever] Smith? Smith is [totally great] and is best known for [enlightening our otherwise drab world].  I [love] Kevin and would rather kill myself than [not] watch another one of his [magnificent] films.”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/15/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:35 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • Remember the says when harmonica gangs roamed the Earth? (Thingamabob)
  • Beach girls? A monster? Start popping the popcorn… (Thingamabob)
  • Joe Rogan bitch slaps Carlos Mencia. I hope he goes after Dane Cook next… (Thingamabob)
  • Another Seinfeld Bee Movie trailer, with a special appearance by Steven Spielberg… (Thingamabob)
  • Mark Evanier illuminates the creation of Scrappy Doo… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 14, 2007

QSE News: 2/14/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:49 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgBritish actress, Michelle Ryan, a virtual unknown, has landed the lead role in the upcoming Bionic Woman movie.  Sources close to the production said that Michelle easily won the role because she “totally did that slow-motion running ‘WA-WA-WA’ sound better than the chicks.”
  • It appears that the United States military is taking umbrage with the producer’s of 24. During a recent meeting, Army officials urged the show’s production team to feature more realistic torture scenarios involving less violence and the “giving of false information,” amongst other suggestions. 24‘s producers responded by locking the officials in a room with Keifer Sutherland, where he wrapped dry-cleaning bags around each of the officials heads and shot them all in the knee.
  • Actor/comedian Bill Cosby is set to have his dog Harry enter the “Best In Show” category at this year’s Westminster Kennel Club dog show. Cosby’s involvement in professional dog shows began after a discussion with his manager as to how Cosby could further endear himself in the eyes of old, wealthy, white people.
  • Actress Sharon Stone has people scratching their heads after her bizarre appearance at a Berlin auction over the weekend.  According to reports, Stone appeared to be “barely holding herself together” and taunted the crowd by calling them “naughty, nasty little Germans.”  When asked for comment, one infuriated German said, “She might as well have just said ‘you’re all a bunch of sheisse-film loving sicko’s.’  That’s what she meant.  Everyone knows it.”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/14/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:30 am
thingamabobs.jpg

The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • Planning a trip to the merry old land of Oz? You know, you’ll need a map… (Thingamabob)
  • It’s out on DVD, but here’s an annotated version of the documentary Fuck(Thingamabob)
  • One can only hope that this stunt destroyed his ability to breed… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

##

February 13, 2007

Toy Box: Toy Fair 2007 – Long Distance Love

Filed under: Columns,Toy Box — admin @ 12:46 am
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This week is Toy Fair, or more specifically,Winter Toy Fair. This is traditionally the opportunity for the toy makers to get their goodies out in front of the retailers and press, and make all kinds of big announcements.

The power of Toy Fair has diminished in recent years. This started with Toy Fair being split into two shows a couple years ago – a fall show designed primarly for the big retailers, and the more traditional winter show for smaller retailers and press. And then the San Diego Comic-Con started to erode the importance, first by duplicating much of the info, and then by supplanting the show entirely. This year it’s more evident, with important announcements of late year releases by even large companies like Hasbro and Mattel being held for SDCC.

But Toy Fair is still important, especially for smaller companies. With retailers continuing to dry up at an alarming rate, Toy Fair may be the only chance smaller companies get to convince those remaining to carry their product. I’ll be doing a ‘state of the industry’ column once again this year in a couple weeks, and I’ll be discussing the changing face of Toy Fair more then. But for now, let’s just say it’s still Toy Fair.

I didn’t go this year. My twins birthday is the 12th, which landed smack in the middle of this years dates, and as much as I love toys, I love them a whole lot more. But the coverage of Toy Fair by a wide variety of websites gets better and better every year, so let’s chat about what I (and you) have seen so far.

Sideshow Collectibles

One of my favorite companies, Sideshow always uses Toy Fair to the best advantage. They’ve announced over 30 new items through their site, and you can go there to get the full coverage right from the horse’s mouth.

Unfortunately for the sixth scale collector’s, there’s not much Sideshow product so far. They are announcing a number of Medicom and Hot Toys figures though, including the uber cool (and probably uber expensive) Aliens Power Loader. Premium Format collectors get a crack at Elvis Presley, a new Buffy, and the very cool Darth Maul. And Sideshow is also showing off several of their new ‘diorama’ statues, including one for Star Wars and one for Lord of the Rings.

Mcfarlane Toys

McToys hasn’t been at a Toy Fair in the last 4 or 5 years, but they are returning this year. They’ve discussed the Simpsons movie line, but have yet to show any images. Likewise, they announced they’ll be doing figures for Beowulf, a new film based on the epic poem, but have no photos yet. However, they are showing several of the Lost series 2 figures, including Sawyer, Ecko, and Sun. While you can get some of the info at the official Mcfarlane site, I recommend Figures.com for shots of Ecko and the regular upcoming Simpsons figures.

Mattel

The big boys have a big showing this year, and Mattel has some great Four Horsemen sculpts in the DC Superheroes line, including Clayface (who you can see at Action Figure Insider) and Man-Bat (who you can see at Toy News International). Unfortunately, they aren’t showing much for Justice League or The Batman, but they have some other surprises, like Ratatouille. Action-Figure.com has a pretty good coverage of the overall Mattel line up.

DC Direct

While DCD is announcing several DC themed lines, their big announcement is around DC Unlimited, a new brand that will be covering non-superhero lines. They’re first two announcements are big ones – Afro Samurai and World of Warcraft. Wizard Universe has great shots up of both lines.

Diamond Select

DST has lots of new Buffy, Battlestar Galactica, and Stargate, but they’ve announced some new cool stuff too. There’s Mouse Guard, Back to the Future mini-mates, Marvel Zombies, and even Office Space! That’s sure to be the cubicle figures of the year.

NECA

NECA has some big licenses this year, including 300, and Harry Potter. Let’s jump back over to Figures.com to check out a ton of photos of all their lines. I’m particularly happy to see how great the Harry Potter stuff is looking. There’s also some good additions to the Pirates of the Caribbean and Nightmare Before Christmas lines, both big licenses for them.

Marvel Toys

One of the most anticipated lines this year is the Legendary Comic Book Heroes, from Marvel Toys. You know Marvel Toys…they used to be Toybiz back when they made Marvel toys. Now they’re Marvel Toys, and don’t make Marvel toys. Yea, I know.

But they are making a fantastic set of action figures based on independent comic books, old and new. Check out Wizard Universe for some terrific photos and info. Many of the things we saw with Marvel Legends, including great articulation and Build A Figures, will continue with this series. Fans of books like Pitt, Monkeyman and O’Brien, Savage Dragon, Madman and others are going to be thrilled!

Mezco

For fans of Family Guy and South Park, Figures.com has some photos of the upcoming series. Mezco didn’t have much in the way of new announcements though, but at least we’ll be seeing the Hellboy animated Abe Sapien, and another wave of Attack of the Living Dead. They’ve also picked up New Line Horror line, and they’ll be doing a caricaturized version of old favorites like Freddy and Jason.

Hasbro

Marvelousnews.com has lots of coverage up of Hasbro’s Marvel lines, although far less was shown than many would have liked. The 12″ Dr. Doom in the Marvel Icons line up looks good, but that’s about it at this point.

That’s about it for the highlights so far. As the show progresses through today and tomorrow, keep your eyes peeled on the above sites for additional coverage.

QSE News: 2/13/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:44 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgLindsay Lohan’s mother says her daughter is doing really well, “great” in fact, with her current stint in rehab. Lohan herself was unavailable for comment as she was passed out in her room after a hard night of partying at Hyde.
  • In movie news, Wolfgang Petersen is preparing an extended DVD for his 2004 film Troy, with over a half hour of new footage. When asked what the new footage will contain, Petersen stated that in order to meet demand, he will include “a hell of lot more shots of Brad Pitt in slow motion – like an angry Brad in slow motion, a sword swinging Brad in slow motion and jumping in the air, angry and swinging sword Brad in slow motion. Oh yeah”¦ and a five minute close-up of Brad’s ass.”
  • A new Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter action figure was unveiled last week at the International Toy Fair in New York City. The new, talking action figure is loaded with six of Irwin’s most famous sayings including “Crikey!,” “Ewww. . .’E’s a big one!” and “Holy [EXPLETIVE DELETED] [EXPLETIVE DELETED]! Somebody pull that [EXPLETIVE DELETED] sting ray out of my [EXPLETIVE DELETED] chest!”
  • According to some eye witness reports, the divorce-pending couple of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown have been spotted around Hollywood together. Representatives downplayed the incidents but did confirm that the couple’s children and dealers have been trying to get Houston and Brown back together.
  • In international news, Lord Voldemort appears to have earned his wings as a card carrying member of the Mile High Club. British actor, Ralph Fiennes, reportedly had a sexual encounter with a Qantas stewardess during a flight from Australia to India. As if losing her job wasn’t enough, the stewardess is being sued by United Airlines for upstaging their “Friendly Skies” ad campaign. In related news, booking numbers for Qantas flights have seen a dramatic increase and are up 789%.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/13/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:43 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • How lucky is Top Gear’s Richard Hammond, Part 1… (Thingamabob)
  • You have listened to SModcast #2, right? (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 12, 2007

SModcast 2

Filed under: SModcast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 9:00 am

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SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.

The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.

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SModcast 2: A Dubious Super-Power –

In which our heroes ponder about C U Next Tuesdays, discuss the death of a human train wreck, compare amateur porn to Elmo, create a platform for Walt Flanagan’s mayoral candidacy, contemplate dalliances with the famous, do bad Salma Hayek impressions, and discern exactly how spineless the fat one is as they relate tales of criminal victimization in major metropolitan areas.

[CONTENT WARNING] SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
SModcast 2 (MP3 format) – 52.5 MB

[display_podcast]

SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes
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Wanna add your two cents? Spend it here, in the SModcast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SMODCAST ARCHIVES

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