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Hello, friends, and welcome back to Music for the Masses or, as I like to call it, “Sex for your Eyes and Ears ©.” This week, we bang heads with the upcoming release, Alpha, from SevenDust, my uncle Nigel reviews the latest from Bloc Party and Double A “Razah’s” some hell with…umm…Hell Razah. Sound like fun? Well…as per usual…what do you say we find out?

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Sevendust

Album: Alpha

Sounds like: The inner soundtrack Brittany had playing in her head while she shaved her melon to match her va-jay.

I’ll admit…there are few things that I can say with absolute authority, but believe me when I tell you this is one of them…heavy metal music is NOT the music of seduction. I’m serious. Trust me on this one, kids. You can light all the candles you want, spritz a little “smell good” on your junk and drop rose petals on the bed to get your lady in the mood, but if you decide to throw on a little Sepultura as your “Music to Fuck To,” there ain’t a chick alive that’ll let you pile drive her…I don’t care HOW much you’ve paid her.

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LaTisha DOES NOT like Sepultura… I have the bruises to prove it.

You see, it appears that most ladies, by which I mean those without SERIOUS “daddy issues,” don’t dig the “heavy metal.” I know. Go figure!! But apparently it has something to do with being “too aggressive, “too loud” and “BLAH BLAH BLAH…for their tastes.” Whatever. Honestly? I totally just tuned out and kicked on Sports Center. But seriously…chicks, honeys, babies…I can’t relate to why you don’t dig metal. After all, haven’t you ever wanted to get psyched up for something? You can’t HONESTLY tell me you’ve never had a big game where you needed to squeeze a little extra juice in the tank, can you? Hmm? Never tried to get your Tri-Delt sisters jazzed up to knock over the local scrap-booking store? No? Never thought about driving 900 miles wearing nothing but a diaper to have a little chat with your make-believe boyfriend’s actual girlfriend? AH! See. . .NOW I got you thinking…

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“I swear, your honor, I was just going to use the mallet to knock the pepper spray out of her eyes.”

But here’s the kicker, ladies, if you’re shunning metal merely because you view it as “dude-centric©,” you shun the chance of stumbling upon a great, fist-pumping disc like Sevendust’s sixth studio release, Alpha. Again, you like that segue? Took a while, but we got there, baby. We got there. Damn straight.

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For you fans of the band, and you know who you are, you’ll be happy to know that Alpha marks a return to “nut punching” form, so to speak, for Atlanta’s Sevendust. If you’ve lost touch with this band over the last couple of…umm…albums, you might be a bit discouraged to hear that the band is still focusing on melody above all else. However, this time out, that melody has been tempered with an aggressive instrumentation that hasn’t been heard since the band’s earliest works. Put it this way, Alpha sounds as if it could have easily been the follow-up to the band’s first, self-titled disc…not it’s sixth studio release. And no, chuckle nuts, I don’t mean that in a bad way. In fact, congratulations, gentlemen! I’m putting you back into my nightly prayers. Yep. Each and every night, from here on out, before I go off to bed/pleasure myself to the local weather lady, I’m going to say a prayer to the baby Jesus and thank him for metal bands like you.

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Kathy Sabine: local weather lady and post-masturbatory sleep aid.

The guitar interplay between old-pro John Connolly and relative-newcomer Sonny Mayo was impressive on the last disc, but here, it is both subtle and forceful. Furthermore, singer Lajon Witherspoon addresses each track with a vocal attack that is nothing short of impressive. Couple these elements with the solid rhythmical performances of drummer/vocalist Morgan Rose and bassist Vince Hornsby and you have yourself one, tight, driving and damn impressive disc. For those of you taking notes, personal favorites here include the melodic assault of “Under,” the slowly-building intensity of “Feed” and the raucous romp of ‘Suffer.” Check out the tracks “Driven” and the George Lucas-loving “Deathstar” over at their MySpace page now!

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Seriously, friends, if you want to explore some new, ass-lick…I mean, kicking, metal that doesn’t sound like it’s being sung by Linda Blair in the “Excorcist,” post possession, then, maybe, JUST maybe, this is the album for you. Again, check out that MySpace link up there and see if it tickles your ‘taint. If you are sitting there right now thinking “Ewww, metal!!” or “Linda who?,” well then, I’m afraid that I’m just going to have to ask you to kindly…

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Alpha hits stores on March 6th.

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I know absolutely nothing about the artist Hell Razah. Nothing. Well, that’s not completely true. I do know that he had a song on the Wu-Tang album I reviewed last week. But that’s about it. Oh yeah, and I do know that the song he contributed to the aforementioned Wu-Tang album, “Masked Avengers,” was one of the weakest tracks on the disc. So why did I pick up an entire album buy this guy? I don’t know. Call it a sick pleasure. You know, it’s like when you see a fat girl, or guy, bend over and you see the crack of their ass. You don’t want to look, but you can’t help it. Sometimes the temptation is just too damn strong. Thats why I picked up this album. And besides, M.C. asked me to review something. Fucker.

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Hell Razah’s album The Renaissance Child is not a good album despite the fact that it had such promise. I’m of the mind that the Wu-Tang Clan know what they are doing, and when they endorse an artist, that artist should be pretty good. And when on your first solo CD you bring in the likes of Talib Kweli and MF Doom, that says something to me. It says “Double A, two of your favorite rappers signed on for this project, it’s gotta be good. Now, go get me some cookies.” But alas, the whole album falls short. But it isn’t for lack of trying. Hell Razah actually has a good voice and a great flow. He just needs a little help with the lyrics and the beats.

There are a few bright spots on this album, specifically “Project Jazz” which features Kweli and Viktor Vaughn (MF Doom) and is produced by Doom. This song is outstanding. I would even be so inclined to throw out the word fan-fucking-tastic to describe it. But, of course, I may be a little biased as every song I’ve heard that Doom has had a hand in I think is great. Another good song is “Smoking Gunnz.”

Like I said, this album isn’t that great but there are a few songs here and there that are ok, and one that is outstanding. What this album does do is show is a LOT of potential in our little Hell Razah. He’s in the big time now, and he can only get better.

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REVIEWS BY…

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Sir Nigel Tufgren Bell, esq.
Englishman

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Well it’s about bloody time that blinkered sod M.C. got off his arse and asked me to do a review for him. Let’s face it, everyone knows that we Brits have the best taste in music out of all the people on this planet. Where did the Beatles come from? Bloody right, England. I could go on, naming all of the ace groups to come out of England but you Yanks wouldn’t know half of them. Barbarians, I say! I thank God, the C and E and the Queen Mother daily that you lot are no longer one of our colonies!

American music is complete bollocks. Pants. Makes me right dicky, Except, of course, for that Carrie Underwood. What a fit bird, cor blimey!! Course, I’d tell her right off to belt up if she fancies a bang, but, ahh, what I would do to her fanny! Then I’d flip her arse over tits and Bob’s your uncle!

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But I’m not here to chin wag about Miss Underwood’s pleasures or your soddin’ music. I’m here to waffle about Bloc Party’s newest CD, A Weekend In The City. All I’ve got to say about this disc is it’s bloody epic! Kicked me right in the goolies, it did. These lads from East London are ace and A Weekend In The City is easily one of the most smashing CDs released so far this year. And no, I haven’t gone potty.

In fact, I had a butchers at these guys a year or so ago at the Lyric and they were cracking. The show was the dog’s bollocks! The sound was stonking, the crowd was full of beans and I was chuffed that the boys closed the show with “Helicopter” from their first CD. And the best part was I got totally pissed and barely made it back to my flat before I honked.

As I said, this CD is blinding. Luvvly-jubbly. The lads had the bottle to expand their sound, away from the carriage house feel of their first disc. They added some orchestration, synths and even a little chorus for those benders out there and the whole thing could easily have gone pear shaped. But it didn’t. The song “Uniform” is pukka and is my absolute fave. However, there are no downers to this CD; the whole thing is brill.

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All that said, you Yanks won’t shine to it because you’re all off your trolley. But I won’t hold it against you. Now, I WOULD fancy holding me todger against Miss Underwood… but that is a tale for another day. So, if you’re ever in England, give us a bell but right now I need to go spend a penny. God save the Queen!!

Rating: 5 out of 5

UPCOMING RELEASES… 2/27/07

ARTIST TITLE GENRE
B.G. & THE CHOPPER CITY BOYZ We Got This RAP
BLUE FRINGE The Whole World Lit Up ROCK
CANON Wide Awake ROCK
DEAN AND BRITTA Back Numbers POP
DO MAKE SAY THINK You, You’re A History In Rust ROCK
MAC DRE & E.B. DADDY OF THE HOOD Rompalation: Thugs Of Honor RAP
MIKA Life In Cartoon Motion POP
MR. KEE Seldom Seen RAP
SLIM THUG W/ THE BOSS HOGG OUTLAWZ Serve & Collect RAP
SNOWGOONS German Lugers RAP
TEMPLE OF BRUTALITY Lethal Agenda METAL
WALL, PAUL Break ‘em Off RAP
WERTZ, MATT Everything In Between N/A
WILLARD GRANT CONSPIRACY Let It Roll N/A
WINTERPILLS The Light Divides POP

Well, there you have it friends… another one in the bank. Until next week, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud.

Send pictures of your local weather lady, review copies, hate mail and assorted presents to:

M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

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