FRED Entertainment

February 9, 2007

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/9/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:04 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • I want this. I want this so much. Somebody please buy it for me. (Thingamabob)
  • Learn how to ink Popeye with this 1934 Fleischer Studios inking chart, courtesy of those fine animation historians over at Cartoon Brew (Hi, Jerry!)… (Thingamabob)
  • And because it’s Friday, let’s close out the week with some nifty pool shots… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 8, 2007

Ken P. D. Snyde-Cast #24: Little Gold Thingees

Filed under: Ken P.D. Snydecast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:07 am

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Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and FRED’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.

Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.

Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.

VISIT THE SNYDECAST EXPERIENCE

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KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #24: Little Gold Thingees – [adult swim]’s Dana Snyder and Ken Plume’s weekly chat podcast returns with their first annual, extra special Oscar wager, wherein both Ken & Dana make an absurd bet based on their predictions of just who will win the Academy Award this year. Oh, and there’s plenty of kazoo.

[CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #24 (MP3 format)

[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/snydecast/ken_p_d_snyde_cast-24.mp3]

SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

Got something to say? E-mail Dana & Ken at the Snydecast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SNYDECAST ARCHIVES

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The Fred Hembeck Show: Episode 90 – Vault Fred

Filed under: The Fred Hembeck Show — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:54 am

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Over at my home site, Hembeck.com, I have a sub-category on my catch all More page called “Stuff I Had NOTHING To Do With”, the general concept of which – if not the specific contents – should, I trust, be reasonably self-explanatory.

Of course, if I had nothing to do with the material contained therein, then I really don’t have any, um, RIGHT to post it, now do I? Not wanting to overstep any ethical bounds (at least, not by TOO much), I’ve tried to resist the urge to host online any but the most obscure strips, pages otherwise unlikely to ever again see the light of day.

Okay, admittedly, that description’s a bit extreme – and doesn’t quite cover some of my earlier selections – but friends, it sure does hit the nail square on the head concerning what I have to show you THIS time around!

Anybody out there besides me remember THIS?…

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This 15 page story was unceremoniously chopped up into three parts and run in three consecutive early 1972 issues of the RBCC, numbers 85, 86, and 87. As I’ve mentioned here in the past, the main purpose of that once popular zine was the buying and selling of comics, and clearly, any editorial material contained within was likely included mostly to satisfy mailing regulations. The cavalier way this lost gem of a story was treated bespeaks its second class nature, at least in the context of RBCC‘s primary mission (in fact, the story’s concluding panel dates the work as being completed in 1968, meaning it sat on the shelf for an agonizingly long period of time before FINALLY seeing publication!).

What exactly IS “The Massacre of the Innocents” you might well ask ? Well, for one thing, it’s one of an unheralded trio of stories that nonetheless perhaps had the greatest impact on my own personal approach to doing comics (I plan to post the other two in due time – in for a penny, in for a pound, I’m thinking…). Back during a time when the very notion of a legitimate Spider-Man/Superman teaming seemed less likely than man walking on the moon, this cleverly constructed tale intermingled characters from both Marvel and DC, all plopped down in a lovingly rendered, richly atmospheric Eisner-like setting. Someone’s killing all the super-heroes, y’see – and though all the names have been changed (to protect the innocent, we’re told – the author!…), the art styles are strikingly familiar…

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Ditko, Kirby, Boring, Sprang – they’re just a few of the cartooning immortals whose iconic styles are paid loving homage in this stirring – and in the end, moving – tribute to the costumed crimefighters of The Silver (and Marvel) Age of Comics. As big a comics geek as I was at the time (and yes, remain), there was just no way a story like this WASN’T gonna get to me! And though it was labeled an amateur effort (by the late Bruce Hamilton, who was auctioning off the pages in an ad adjacent to the stories’ very last page, something I never actually noticed until now! Guess it’s a tad too late to get my mitts on a page or six, huh?…), this was obviously the work of someone destined for great things.

Brad Caslor.

Yup, I don’t know who he is either.

Certainly, he didn’t go on to make his mark in the comics field. Happily, though, these days we have a little thing called Google, so once I typed in his name, I quickly discovered what had become of the talented gentleman who’d created “The Massacre of the Innocents” – he went into animation! (Unless, of course, there’s ANOTHER Brad Caslor that likes to draw funny pictures out there, but hey, what are the odds?…).

Fact is, there’s a swell little cartoon called Get A Job posted over at YouTube that was done by our Mr. C, and you animation buffs out there in readerland might want to go grab a peek at that as well! But before you do, take a few minutes – and this link – to zip on over to my site and read “The Massacre of the Innocents,” one of most memorable stories – and maybe the best “insider” tale of its kind ever attempted – I’ve had the privilege to read.

I love this story! I worship this story! I treasure this story! And now, I’ve just gone and completely WAY oversold this story! Pardon my passion, folks, but I’m telling you – you’ll probably enjoy this story, at least a LITTLE bit. Honest.

And if you somehow get wind of this, Mr. Caslor, I hope you’ll dig that I only want folks to share the thrill your delightful tribute afforded me, all those years ago. I calls ’em as I sees ’em, and I calls it a lost classic, case closed!

Believe me gang, when all is said and done, you’ll be just like THIS guy…

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There won’t be a dry eye left in the house.

Sniff…

Hembeck com – now also featuring Hembeck! Check it out!

-Copyright 2007 Fred Hembeck

Music For The Masses: 2/8/07

Filed under: Music for the Masses — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:42 am
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Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends! We’re so glad you could attend… come inside, come inside! This week at Music for the Masses, I’m offering up a brand-spanking new podcast with the help of my “good friends” J. Allen from QSE News and M4M’s (as the “cool” kids like to call it!) own Double A. This week’s discussion focuses on, in no particular order, the latest “big band” reunion news, The Good, The Bad and The Queen, a “Cat Empire” and the various “things we wish the Teletubbies could do.” Oh yeah, and for those of you with “short bus” (read: slow) internet connections, we offer up a new installment of J.D.’s Reverb for your reading pleasure. Sound like fun? How’s about we find out?

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I can’t quite put my finger on it… but something about those damn Teletubbies just makes me horny.

[CONTENT WARNING] This podcast is firmly grounded in “bad taste” and contains foul language, foolish notions regarding bass playing and the inexplicable butchering of some artist’s names. As a result of this, QuickStop offers up sincere apologies to the families of Gary Cherone, Paul Simonen and Cat Power… forgive them… they know not what they do…

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Music For The Masses: Episode 3 (MP3 format) ““ 24.13 MB

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REVERB… WITH J.D.

Back in 1984, the #1 song of the year according to Billboard magazine was Prince’s “When Doves Cry”. The 90th ranked song that same year was “The Longest Time” by Billy Joel. I bring this up, of course, because these were the two artists featured at this year’s Super Bowl game. Many jokes have been made regarding the relevancy of the entertainment, but consider for a moment that a) the previous two Super Bowls featured Paul McCartney and The Rolling Stones, so at least we’re 20 years closer and b) the last time the NFL opted for relevancy we got Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake”¦ and we all know how that turned out.

Anyway, I couldn’t wait to see Mr Joel’s rendition of the National Anthem”¦I mean, who at the NFL thought it would be a good idea to trot out someone recently out of rehab (second stint, I might add) to sing a hard song in front of one billion people? This had all the trappings of an historic crack-up – indeed, Adam Schefter of the NFL Network reported that Joel was puffing nervously on a cigarette right before he went on (smoking, of course, being Step One of Alcoholics Anonymous’ 12-Step Program).

Luckily, though, ol’ Billy pulled it off just fine. Watching him sing, I was reminded that, in the 80’s, he also pulled off one of the all time ‘going way, WAY out of your league’ feats by marrying Christie Brinkley. Some of you youngsters may not know who Christie Brinkley is, but do the words “Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover Girl” mean anything to you?

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Please rise and, umm, remove your pants”¦

In today’s terms, Billy Joel marrying Christie Brinkley is like Pete Doherty dating Kate Moss (and by “dating” I mean “wooing with blow”)”¦excepting of course that Doherty’s main skill is not music but you know, not od’ing”¦.yet. Anyways, they’re both a couple of homely homeys who took down Supermodel Grade Betties.

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Billy Joel in 1984: The most inspirational 5’5″ guy this side of Rocky Balboa

Three more notes on the National Anthem: One, did you know that the gambling website bodog.com was taking prop bets on how long it would take Joel to sing it? They put the over/under at 1:44. Now if you’re Joel, and you’ve practiced this thing 1000 times, aren’t you telling all of your buddies to bet the under?? (He came in at 1:36).

Two: I have no idea how they do it, but seeing those F16 flyovers hit right after ‘the home”¦.of the”¦.braaaaaaave’ is ALWAYS a goosebump moment.

And three, don’t you just love Marlee Matalin’s voice?

As far as the Prince halftime show goes, I’ve come across a fair number of dumb asses in the blogosphere either a) claiming that Prince hasn’t done anything good in years or b) bitching about his babooshka (say that five times fast).

Regarding point a, Prince has actually released two excellent albums in the past three years”¦.and both Musicology and 3121 were nominated for a slew of Grammys (not that Grammys equal cool, not at all. But you know”¦). And as for point b, I think it’s fair to say that Prince long ago established that he is one of the two men on earth (along with Lenny Kravitz) who can wear whatever the f**k he wants and still be Boss”¦.including a babooshka.

(So all of u Prince haters out there should keep yr comments 2 yrself & instead sit back & appreciate the Rave Un2 the Joy Fantastic. Or whatever.)

While Prince’s performance was typically fantastic, I was scratching my head a bit at his choice to include three cover songs (“Proud Mary”, “All Along the Watchtower”, “Best of You”) in his little medley. But then again, as my buddy Tony likes to say, sooner or later every band is going to cover Dave Matthew’s “All Along the Watchtower””¦(I love that joke).

However, it was nice to see Prince opt to flex his ridiculously sick guitar chops on most of the songs – strange as it seems, guitar skills are way down on the list of what you think of when it comes to Prince, but he’s among the best. And him singing ‘Purple Rain’ in the downpour that day? By far the best Super Bowl musical moment to date.

And finally, did you know that Prince is in need of hip replacement surgery? Seems that years of performing in 4-inch heels have done a number on him. So in retrospect, I’m sure it was a relief to everyone at CBS and the NFL that the little guy didn’t slip and blow out his hip on the rain-slickened stage that day. Just as I’m sure those same folks breathed a sigh of relief that Prince refrained from making any sexual innuendos whatsoever during his performance.

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Hey, wait a second”¦

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

UPCOMING MUSIC RELEASES… 2/13/2007…

ARITST TITLE GENRE
SOUL KID #1 Americanized ALT
OLSON, MICHAEL Where Fear and Faith N/A
PO’ GIRL Home To You N/A
CELLSKI Mr. Predicter Chapter 2 RAP
DA’UNDA’DOGG PRESENTS Da’Unda’Dogg Presents “Bay Boyz” RAP
G-DEP Bad Boy RAP
KEAK DA SNEAK On One RAP
SOUTH CENTRAL CARTEL Westurrection RAP
LUCINDA WILLIAMS West ROCK
NOTHINGTON All In ROCK
THE SOFTLIGHTES Say No To Being Cool – Say Yes To Being Happy [En. CD] ROCK
AMY STOLZENBACH On and On POP
ANTON BARBEAU In The Village Of The Apple Sun POP
BETH WATERS This Little Piggy POP
BLUETONES, The The Bluetones POP
DR. JOHN In The Night – Early Sessions Of Dr. John POP
HAGEN, NINA Fearless POP
ICEAGE COBRA Brilliant Ideas From Amazing People POP
JADE, FAINE Introspection – A Faine Jade Recital POP
REID, TERRY River POP
SEAFOOD Paper Crown King POP
SOPHE LUX Waking The Mystics POP
THE VISITORS The Visitors POP
WEBBE, SIMON Grace POP
WONDERFUL BROKEN THING Looking For Mike Lookinland POP

Thanks for tuning in! Until next time, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!

Send the proper pronunciation of artist names, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:

M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001

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If I had a Cat Empire, this would be my queen…

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This would be my jester…

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And this… the Royal Guard… only he’d have corrective lenses… for those fucking “Budweiser Lizard eyes” of his…

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

PURE Indulgence

Filed under: Articles,Reviews — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:28 am
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-by David J Lieto (aka The Squeeg)

PURE Indulgence

The Holidays were a little lonely at the Squeeg household this year.  The step-kids both started new jobs and won’t have any vacation time until next year.  So Mrs. Squeeg decided to visit Ohio for a few days and, in true Vegas fashion, we drew for high card to see if I was to accompany her.  (Could not believe my Eight of Clubs held up!)

While she went a-visiting, I showed some friends from Jersey what Vegas is all about.  My guests, however, weren’t into gambling – zoinks!  I mean, I know this city’s got a lot to offer but taking me away from gambling is like letting the air out of my wheelchair’s tires during a rain storm.  Be-that-as-it-may, I recalled that my friends were fond of the nightlife and one of the best clubs Vegas has to offer is PURE.

PURE, located at Caesar’s Palace, is the place to go for a great time no matter what your taste might be.   This is due, in part, to the design.  There are three distinct and separate areas to the club – PURE  Nightclub, the Red Room, and the Terrace.  And let’s  not forget the wonderful and adjacent Pussycat Doll Lounge; where one may be tantalized by the very talented and beautiful Las Vegas Pussycat Dolls.

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As you enter PURE,  you pass the entrance to the Red Room on your right.  The Red Room is a private enclave for VIPs with a spectacular mirror-faced bar, VIP restrooms, and luxurious private booths.  The rich red tones of the upholstered walls and dramatic drapery are contrasted by a warm champagne glow emanating from glittering chandeliers.  This all comes together to create an unparalleled ambiance of sensual sophistication.  The Red Room is the perfect balance between revelry and refinement.

The Terrace can be reached by taking the German-imported glass elevator or by ascending a twisting staircase designed for dramatic effect and offering great views of the main nightclub.  Once atop the Terrace one is treated to awesome panoramic views of Sin City from four stories above The Strip.  There’s nothing like partying up there below the stars. The Terrace  has its own bars, dance floor, and DJ.   There are private cabanas and tables for those who love fresh air.  The Terrace is open year round, with an ample supply of heaters on cool winter nights.

The PURE Nightclub is an astounding 36,000 square feet of uncomplicated sophistication.  It feature three bars, oversized bed seating, and a raised VIP area which overlook the dance floor. The DJ’s selection of tunes and flawless segues brought a beat that just drew people to the dance floor.

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The service at PURE was exceptional and, really, that’s the most important element to consider in my opinion.  The bars were adequately staffed by courteous and attentive bartenders.  As soon as I reached the bar someone was right there to see to my needs.  There’s nothing worse than holding an empty glass and waiting for what seems an eternity to get a refill. I saw no evidence of this at PURE.  That is because those with empty glasses received the same level of attention as those just arriving at the bar.

The bouncers were friendly and efficient.  This is a far cry from what I was used to at the Jersey shore.  Most of the bouncers I came across, in my clubbing days, were arrogant meatheads who were more concerned with impressing young females rather than ensuring that the patrons were having a good time. Again, this was not the case at PURE.  The club’s bouncers handled any issues that arose in a timely manner, with a level of discretion that made their intervention unnoticed.

PURE is a fantastic club.  I’d  recommend it to anyone looking to have a great time.

QSE News: 2/8/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:14 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

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  • Prince, who is widely known for his family-friendly music videos and lyrics, caused a stir at this year’s Super Bowl as critics and internet bloggers are condemning his performance as both rude and crude. During the performance, the singer was silhouetted against a large sheet while playing his guitar that many say appeared to simulate the stroking a giant penis.  Prince was asked for his opinion of the criticism but was unavailable as he was busy polishing his “guitar neck.”
  • The Smashing Pumpkins have released the name of their upcoming album ““ Zeitgeist. This album name comes as a shock to many as the album was expected to be titled “[EXPLATIVE DELETED] James Iha and D’arcy Wretzky/Who Needs Them?”
  • Actor Jeff Bridges has joined the already star-studded cast of the upcoming Iron Man film. In related news, Jeff’s brother, Beau Bridges, auditioned for a role in the film Iron Wang, but is still waiting for a call back.
  • Indiana Jones 4 has a tentative release date of My 22, 2008. While the story line is being kept a secret, insiders say that in this final installment, Indy will be looking for his lost shaker of salt.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/8/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:02 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • Will you be the lucky winner of McDonald’s $1,000,000 Menu Song contest? (Thingamabob)
  • The 1938 Disney artist’s try-out book… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 7, 2007

Take Me Home Blog #20: Enter, THE PODCAST

Filed under: Take Me Home Blog — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:20 am
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Actor/Filmmaker Sam Jaeger takes the “Take Me Home Blog” into brand new territory by introducing the miracle of SOUND! Partake of the “Take Me Home Blog Podcast”… And maybe even hear Sam play guitar… Will there be no end to miracles?

EPISODE 1: We’re well into a new year, and Sam kicks off the “Take Me Home Podcast” with an optimistic look at sports disasters, independent filmmaking, and promises of podcasts to come.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #1 (MP3 format) ““ 10.45 MB

[display_podcast]

-Sam Jaeger

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February 6, 2007

QSE News: 2/7/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:59 pm
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

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  • In movie news, Tom Cruise is in talks to join Ben Stiller in a new movie called The Hardy Men, a send off to the Hardy Boys detective series.  Little is known of the plot to the film, but insiders say that the film will revolve around a man (Cruise) who keeps his wife locked up in a basement and forces her to pretend he’s not bat-shit crazy.
  • Despite his own legal troubles surrounding the shooting death of Lana Clarkson, Phil Spector has been awarded $900,000 from a former assistant.  Spector claimed that the assistant, Michelle Blaine, embezzled $425,000 from him and never repaid a $635,000 loan.  When asked for comment about the case, Spector claimed that he knew he would get his money back eventually, because if he didn’t he’d have “shot the [EXPLETIVE DELETED].”
  • Organizers of this year’s Ozzfest have announced that tickets for the festival will be completely free.  When asked why there would be no charge for admission, tour creator Sharon Osbourne was quoted as saying “we had to do something drastic, because no one was actually going to pay for any of this crap.”
  • Proving that it’s not only a place to meet underage girls, MySpace has announced that it has partnered with Film 4 and Vertigo Films to produce a full length feature film.  The movie will be directed by an amateur filmmaker and will be found by a reality show-esque search on Myspace.  Despite wanting to insert an unknown into the directing chair, many of the potential directors have already been featured on NBC’s “To Catch A Predator.”
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/7/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:52 pm
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • You have listened to the Kevin Smith/Scott Mosier SModcast, right? (Thingamabob)
  • Did Budweiser rip this skit off for their Super Bowl ad? (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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Toy Box: Sideshow 12″ Legolas

Filed under: Columns,Toy Box — admin @ 12:31 am
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Call me crazy, but I think the ladies of Sideshow are in charge of the sixth scale Lord of the Rings line. Why? Well, if the manly men were in charge the character selection might have started out a little different. Perhaps we would have seen Gimli, Gandalf, or Orc…most definitely an Arwen would have been in the early contention. But with Aragorn, Legolas, Boromir and Faramir starting things out, it’s like Middleearth as interpreted by the Chippendale dancers. Hey, I’m just saying.

But even if they are the hunks of Hobbiton (and were featured in a calendar of the same name that was quite popular in the Shire), they’re still pretty damn key to the story. And they make for some great looking sixth scale figures.

Legolas is the second figure to hit, just shipping over the last couple weeks. As usual, there’s a regular and an exclusive version, with the exclusive having not one but TWO extras this time: the Lothlorien cloak complete with elven broach, and an extra hand sculpted to hold an arrow in a stabbing pose.

Expect to pay around $55 for Legolas, at least for the time being. While the exclusive is long gone from Sideshow’s site, you can get on the wait list, or find the regular version at a number of online stores. Check my Where To Buy section for some suggestions.

If you have any comments or suggestions, just drop me a line at mwc@mwctoys.com. On to the review!

Sideshow LOTR 12″ Legolas

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Packaging – ****
Once again, Sideshow pulls out all the stops. While all their packages are great, the work on the Star Wars and LOTR lines is exceptional. Plenty of photos, lots of text on both the general story line and specifics on Legolas’ background, and a beautiful presentation using a die cut flap on the front all add up to a great box.

And yes, it’s collector friendly too. You can take Legolas out, play around with him, display him, and put him back some day for storage or sale if you so desire.

My one complaint is the velcro closures on the flaps. Yep, I’ve been spoiled by the magnetic closures on the Star Wars boxes, and these are simply not as good. The top two velcro ‘dots’ pulled free from the box almost immediately, and that’s a fairly common problem. Still, you got to give them credit for producing some truly beautiful packages.

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Sculpting – ***1/2
The sculpt is from Andy Bergholtz, one of Sideshow’s best sculptors. He’s since moved over to work exclusively for DC Direct, and I for one will miss his work on the sixth scale and Premium Format lines.

This is some of his best work, which is saying quite a bit. Orlando Bloom as Legolas has been a consistently difficult likeness for companies to capture. Toybiz tried a number of times, including a sixth scale version, but never quite pulled off the perfect version. Weta tried as well with the Legolas bust, and I thought it was, well, weak. And you thought I was going to say “a bust”, didn’t you? Even NECA tried in the quarter scale figure line, and it was not the success their earlier Aragorn was.

I’m going to lay down the claim that this is the best version we’ve gotten so far in any scale, and any format. That’s not to say he’s not without any issues, and he is a bit harder looking than in the films, especially Fellowship when Bloom was still quite young. If you look at him straight on, his ears do appear pushed out to far from his head, and the chin is slightly large. He also has a thin mold line across the top of his head, something that bugs me particularly at this price point and expectation level. While this might sound like a lot of problems – ears, chin, age – each is very minor, and the overall effect is not as great as I’d imagined. You do have to assume this Legolas is an older version than you’re used to though, which might be tough for some fans.

The regular version also has four hand sculpts, each with a slightly different positioning of the fingers and thumbs. These are all designed to hold the weapons though, and there are no open hand poses.

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Paint – ****
When Sideshow has production problems with the paint on their figures, I’m one that always complains. No matter how good the sculpt is, if you don’t back it up with amazing paint ops, you’ll disappoint the buyers. And the poor sculptors.

This time, the paint work is excellent. First, there’s no slop what so ever. The hair line is perfect, the eyes are clean and straight, the lips are just the right shade, and the skin has just enough shading to add to the angular lines of the sculpt without becoming too obvious.

Some folks may think Legolas is a little too tan, but I think that works better in this scale than light skin. Even if he is paler in the movie, pale skin in this smaller scale tends to look cheap and unrealistic.

I’d also like to thank them for not putting any dark paint in the nostrils. That’s been a common thing lately for Gentle Giant with their mini-busts, and I really don’t like it. Here you can see that it’s not necessary to add that dark color to get the right amount of shadow.

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Articulation – ***
The bulky tunic helps the underlying body here quite a bit, at least in terms of appearance. But the leggings simply can’t hide those skinny legs. Now, I realize that Orlando Bloom isn’t Ahnold, but he’s not Kermit either.

The body does have all the articulation you’ve come to expect, with the exception of a good ball jointed neck. They really do need to improve this joint, if they expect to give us a body that rivals companies like Hot Toys or Medicom.

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The future of sixth scale bodies is NOT in more articulation though. Given all the standard joints (including a good ball jointed neck), and you have the expected body that will keep you even with the competition, but not give you the advantage. The advantage is going to come from developing the best body in terms of how that body ‘hangs’.

You can have the exact same number of joints, but the better designed joints hang and pose more naturally. And it’s this natural appearance that will be the next big advancement in the market. Hot Toys, Medicom and Takara are working hard in this area, and have made some great strides. They have some work still to go, but Sideshow needs to begin pushing the envelope in this area to bring them up to the competition, and then hopefully take them to the next level.

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Outfit – ***1/2
The outfit starts out with the nifty well made leggings, which fit tightly. Unfortunately, a tight fit does tend to mean that the appearance of the skinny Sideshow legs is highlighted.

The shirt is made from a silk-like material, and is extremely well tailored. It has to be to fit well under the tunic, and not make the overall figure look too fat. The tunic, made from a very thin suede, is a bit poofy, but it’s not the fault of the shirt.

The tunic has high quality snaps in front, and a great combination of light and dark colors. It’s not quite as tight of a fit as I’d like, but that’s a minor nit. It’s held tight at the waist with a thin leather belt, that has a plastic sculpted buckle and imprinted pattern.

The boot and gauntlet sculpts look terrific, especially the boots. Sideshow has done some amazing boot sculpts in both the LOTR and Sideshow lines, and this pair does not disappointment. The intricate details are highlighted with some nice paint work on the silver designs.

The right gauntlet is sculpted to hang down slightly over the right hand. This looks terrific. The left gauntlet is sculpted tighter at the wrist so that it can’t reach down onto the hand. This is another minor nit, but the difference in appearance bugs me. I’m not sure that it’s inaccurate from the films, but in person it looks odd to me.

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The Lothlorien cloak is perhaps my favorite cloak of the LOTR and Star Wars lines so far. It’s made from very thin cloth, and includes the thin wire in the hood for posing. The tailoring is excellent, and the hood poses well both on the shoulders and over the head. The big problem is the cheap looking elven brooch, which stands out against the green cloth. It’s not the quality of sculpt or paint detail that you’d expect, and is perhaps the one real disappointment here.

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Accessories – ****
The figure comes with the standard base, emblazoned with the LOTR emblem. But you’ll be happy to know, if you’re like me, that the stand isn’t necessary to keep him standing in poses.

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The exclusive version comes with three hands, while the regular comes with two. These are sculpted in various finger/thumb poses, and are designed to hold the various weapons. They come off and go on easily, but the posts are long enough and tight enough to avoid the problems with them falling off with basic posing.

The exclusive hand is designed to hold a single arrow in a stabbing pose, similar to what he did in the films. It’s a good sculpt, and looks quite a bit better in practice than I expected, but it’s probably not going to be the key pose for most folks.

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Legolas needs weapons of course, and he has his standard ones here. There’s a nicely scaled bow, with five individual arrows. There’s also his pair of elven knives, which are done in a rather unique way.

There’s a pair that are full size, and there’s a pair of cut off knives, that are really just handles with stubs. These are designed to fit in the scabbards, and look good doing it. By doing this, they could make the scabbards and swords look terrific on his back, and yet give him a pair to hold as well. They aren’t quite perfect though, as they are scaled a little too small, and the handles are the incorrect silver color. Still, the sculpt detail is good, and the pair fitted into the back of his pack look great.

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Speaking of the quiver, it fits nicely on his back either with or without the cloak. The pleater straps fit over his left shoulder, with the single strap running around his body under his right arm and attaching to the quiver again on his back. There’s a small hook at the base of the quiver on the right side, and there’s a small hole punched in the single strap. Attach the quiver there, and it will look just like it does on the box.

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The bow and arrows are better scaled, with the exception of the string. It’s quite thin, and much smaller than it would be in reality in proportion to his hands and body. Still, it has enough bend to it to work with some interesting ‘aiming’ poses, and is affixed tightly to both end of the bow.

The arrows fit easily in the quiver, and the actually look great threaded on the bow. Each has the small notch With the various hand sculpts, you can get some terrific poses with the bow and arrows.

Fun Factor – **1/2
These figures aren’t really designed to be toys, so a lower fun factor should be no surprise. Small parts like the belts and straps aren’t going to hold up to normal play, and these are designed to look great on the shelf, not the sandbox.

Value – ***
Most of the other LOTR figures coming out from Sideshow are $65. I’m not sure why Legolas managed to come in ten bucks cheaper, but he’s an excellent value. On top of just running $55 at the official site, the regular version can be hand for as little as $47 at many online stores. Considering the number of accessories and the quality of the outfit, that’s an excellent value, and could very well be worth another half star in this category.

Things to Watch Out For –
I’ve already gone over how to attach the sling on his back, but be mighty careful doing it. That itty bitty hole and small hook can easily get damaged. Other than that, this is a very sturdy figure for the level of detail and quality.

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Overall – ***1/2
I had some issues with Aragorn’s sculpt and paint, issues that were largely due to manufacturing problems. It didn’t help that his leather jacket didn’t come out as well as the prototype, or his hair looked a bit like tootsie rolls. Still, he was a better figure in person than most photos made him appear.

Legolas is a big step up from Aragorn. The excellent head sculpt is improved, not hurt, by the paint work, and there doesn’t appear to be any of the manufacturing quality issues. The costume and accessories have a few minor nits that hold him back from a perfect score – and I’ll keep harping on joint improvements – but if Faramir and Boromir are this good, fans are going to be mighty pleased.

This line doesn’t seem to be selling as well as the Star Wars line, nor as well as you might expect a license like this to do. The exclusive Legolas was a run of just 1750, and the regular edition is just 3500. I’m betting that this is a line that collectors will be kicking themselves over in a few years, especially if the quality stays like this.

Where to Buy –
You’re going to most likely look to the online stores to pick this guy up, unless you want to pay inflated toy show prices:

– Sideshow still has regular Boromir ( ) and the regular Legolas ( ) available, or you can get on the wait list for the exclusives.

– CornerStoreComics has Legolas at $46.74, which is a steal for this figure.

– Amazing Toyz matches that terrific price of $46.74!

– and not to be outdone, Alter Ego Comics also has him at $46.74.

– at only a penny more, you can pick him up for $46.75 at Fireside Collectibles.

– Dark Shadow Collectibles also has him at $46.75, in stock.

– Dark Figures has him for just $49.99.

– and for those of you in the U.K., Forbidden Planet has him on sale at 35 pounds.

Related Links:
I’ve had a share of Legolas reviews, as well as other Sideshow LOTR reviews:

– first, check out the sixth scale Aragorn and Premium Format Lurtz from Sideshow.

– Dragons in Dreams did a version of Legolas in this scale as well. Some of the costume or accessories from that figure would do well with this Sideshow version.

– Toybiz also did a nice rotocast 10″ version, that was very well done for the price point. They also did several 6″ scale versions, including this very early one, and a Two Towers style. I also reviewed their 12″ version over at the old Movie Poop Shoot.

– And if you like you’re Legolas cute and tiny, check out the Mini-mates version.

Party Favors: Jackie Earle Haley Appreciation Society

Filed under: Columns,Joe Corey's Party Favors — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:28 am
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CHICO, CA – He did it! The Great Jackie Earle Haley is now Oscar nominated for Best Supporting Actor.

When his name was announced, I felt a joyful rush. I’ve had acquaintances get nominated for Oscars and not been that elated. I would have cried, but my tears are reserved for Dick Clark’s funeral.

On the big board, behind Salma Hayek, was Jackie Earle Haley’s face. Luckily his name was called early so there was no gritting of teeth for the final name. This column has been spreading Oscar buzz back in October when Little Children ran at Toronto. And the buzz wasn’t merely marketing hype. Jackie Earle Haley had the goods.

What are the odds of him beating the Eddie Murphy juggernaut? It could be very good. Eddie has pissed off a lot people in Tinseltown. He’s notorious for being a pain on the set. Where do you think Martin Lawrence learned how to be a soundstage diva? On top of it, the airwaves are flooded with ads for Norbit. It’s another unfunny Eddie Murphy movie with him in a fat suit. A few years ago, Bill Murray had his Lost In Translation nomination derailed thanks to his voice being abused in Garfield. Murphy could suffer the Garfield Effect.

There’s also hope that Peter O’Toole and Kate Winslet might be walking up the stairs. Plus Jennifer Hudson grousing about American Idol might backfire. The Academy Awards can’t afford to be seen as the victory lap for the usual winners. Are viewers going to stick around to see the same folks that collected hardware at the Golden Globes and the SAG awards? Expect to see “upsets.” Jackie’s best bet is that he gets Jim Broadbent action – since Jim won the Best Supporting Actor award for his work in Iris, a film starring Kate Winslet.

The cool thing about Jackie Earle Haley is that he didn’t end up having to launch his comeback by appearing on Celebrity Justice or The Surreal Life. He didn’t have to embarrass himself in order to get back in the spotlight. He was able to land serious acting gigs. I can’t wait to see him take on Joan Rivers. Although best would be if he beats the crap out of Ryan Seacrest on the Red Carpet. He’d win the Presidential Medal of Freedom for popping American Idol boy. Or at least Angelina Jolie’s undying love.

LITTLE MISS BOOZE

Do you know what I call a 20 year old girl that likes to get drunk, takes a sniff or two of cocaine and sucks face with hot girls? A sophomore in college.

Are we really supposed to get a message out of Tara Connor’s new sober ways? After seeing her fresh out of rehab on every TV channel, here’s my message to her: We don’t care. The only reason a vast majority of America knows about you was because you came off as Tara Reid’s less skanky, but still slutty younger sister. But now that you’re all clean and sober, you bore the crap out of us. You can now vamoose like nearly every other woman that has won Miss USA.

High profile rehab centers have invented a 13th step that declares, “You must appear on every major talk show to promote your new life.” Who didn’t watch her tell-all interview on The Insider and begged for Pat O’Brien to lapse into his voicemail rant?

I do hope that rehab didn’t make her want to stop humping Miss Teen USA. America needs to know that girl-girl action doesn’t always involve Rosie O’Donnell. We need to dream that those pictorials in Penthouse had a basis in reality. If Miss America and Miss Teen USA aren’t getting nasty, then the terrorists have won.

WORST MOTHER OF THE MONTH

Dina Lohan has lowered the bar for bad motherhood with her recent antics. While her daughter Lindsay is in rehab, Dina has turned the spotlight onto herself. Instead of making Lindsay’s recovery a private family matter, she made an exclusive deal to have a reporter and camera crew record her motherly plight. Nothing was more pathetic than her rushing from New York to Hollywood to reunite with her troubled daughter as an exclusive for a certain infotainment show.

Dina has the nerve to complain about the photographers hounding her meeting with Lindsay at a ritzy store. She despises how the media dares to exploit her daughter. Yet there she is turning home movies into an easy profit source. Is she just upset that the paparazzi have hounded in on her exclusive moment?

Dina is just a step above the mother who sells her daughter’s panties to Japanese businessmen. But Dina might be willing to stoop if the price is right.

NO MORE EXTREME ACTION?

While I was wandering around on the Raleigh location of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, I overheard a rumor that the show has only one more season before ABC-Disney gives it the axe.

Pretty much Ty Pennington will be putting down the megaphone after the 2007-08 season, according to the water cooler chatter. Why? The show still pulls in good ratings. People still love to come out and see the houses being built by volunteers. But the suits at the Mouse network are upset that it’s not really their property – even though each episode promotes various Disney properties. The Rat must be fed.

Write the network and complain now.

GATES TV

Why is the press drooling over Bill Gates’ vision of television five years from now? While the internet has already changed how people watch TV, his examples are rather clueless.

Gates declares that TV is terrible when it comes to the Olympics. Why? Because it has fixed times for the various events being broadcast. He envisions a split signal that will allow people to just watch their favorite events at the proper time. But it can’t go down that way. Why?

Because NBC is paying billions of dollars to run the Olympics in America. They need top dollar for commercials. And they won’t get top dollar if they splinter-cast the various events through the internet. They don’t want you to merely watch your sport. They want you to watch the show. If you really gave a crap about certain events, wouldn’t you just go see the Olympics in person? NBC has to run women’s gymnastics in prime time cause that’s where the money is at.

“Internet presentation of these things is vastly superior,” declares Bill. Really? Who is footing the bill for all this content? The networks and cable channels barely want to pay anyone for content right now. NBC pays billions to the NFL, but they’ve decided sound guys are unnecessary for news reporters. It’s just going to turn into the Al Franken SNL joke where he had the camera attached to him along with the Sat dish. The big question is who will be paying his expenses to collect the truth? Even though Mark Cuban has hired an investigative business reporter, the stories are tilted to giving Cuban stock tips. Of course media news is now being used as corporate football. Did you notice how Fox News and the Boston Herald (owned by Rupes) went after Ted Turner for the Cartoon Network’s publicity stunt that went bad? Ted doesn’t own the Cartoon Network anymore. But that didn’t stop Rupert Murdoch’s minions perform an around the clock character assassination. Heaven forbid a news organization check their facts.

The biggest problem with the narrowcasting vision of Bill Gates is that viewers are allowed to avoid being informed about the outside world. “You have to wait for the guy to talk about the thing you care about,” Gates says. Maybe while waiting, a person has to listen to something they don’t know about to hear something that needs to be heard. Bill and his buddy Bono keep going on about Africa. But under Bill’s vision of tomorrow, I can exist in an information world where I don’t have to know a damn thing about Africa. Dafur for all I care is another specialty cup served at Starbucks. And who is going to tell me differently in Bill Gates’ Five Years into the Future?

What regular TV offers us is the ability to stumble across stuff. We are a society that loves to flip channels. But if we have to pay for each channel we click, are you really going to be that adventurous? We don’t want to think that hard to be entertained. I’ve a wall full DVDs, but I’d rather not have to get up, decide on a title, open the box, load the DVD player, wait for the “don’t download movies” crap, and finally click on the movie. I’d prefer to channel surf to Green Acres.

Leave it to a billionaire to tell us how we should watch TV. When is the last time Bill sat down and watched HBO’s Cathouse: The Series on his 110 inch flat screen plasma TV? Isn’t this guy too busy saving the world with his foundation and figuring out ways to give you more Blue Screens of Death on your PCs to watch Charlie’s Angels and Gilligan’s Island? Go save the world, Bill. I’ll keep the sofa warm.

MORE CATHOUSE!

Cathouse, my favorite reality show, returns to HBO this Friday (Feb. 10). Get a sense of what it’s like to hang around a legal Nevada brothel with the lovely ladies as they service their customers. It’ll also be on the HBO OnDemand channel so you can watch it whenever you get the urge.

We’re hoping to get a few questions answered from Shelly Dushell in an upcoming column. She had told me earlier that while she’s now working at the Wildhorse Rance, she was at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch during the recent tapings.

The highlight of the show will be the return of Isabella Soprano, America’s Sweetwhore. After the first series aired, Isabella become a sensation as an internet fetish model. She knows her way around a ball gag. The things they do to her with a water hose would melt a fireman. She even made a guest appearance on Seymore Butts’ Family Business series on Showtime. Even when she’s strapped down to a bed with various mechanical devices working her private parts, she still has that true girl next door appeal. She’s like an extra sexy graduate assistant teacher.  I want help refine her oral thesis. For those curious about the tattoo on her back, it reads, “Dream out loud.” And I’ve got a couple dreams involving her – although most of them end with my wife opening up the credit card bill and wondering what cost $13,000 in Nevada?

The amazing part about Cathouse is that if you really want to meet the “stars,” you can fly out to Reno and book time. This isn’t like The Girls Next Door where Hef teases you from behind the Playboy Mansion gates with his ladies. Bunny Ranch owner Dennis Hof is eager to welcome you into his life – as long you can pay in advance and be nice to the ladies.VERN IS YELLOW!

The “find the sticks of fake dynamite with the Party Favors logo in Boston” promotion has been canceled because I don’t want to be butt raped in jail by Vern Schillinger.

Here’s a strange piece of trivia, did you know that Vern Schillinger from Oz is the voice of the Yellow M&M? Yes, America’s favorite leader of the Arayan Brotherhood (played by actor J.K. Simmons) is our beloved candy icon. Can you imagine what’s been done to the Red M&M after all these years? Did Vern burn a swastika into the Red M&M’s butt like he did Tobias? Are red M&Ms the candy of choice for cellblock bitches?

The weird thing is that on an early episode of Oz, Vern experienced a chocolate coating. Simmons was able to connect the two roles on the gym floor.

An extra creepy moment is when Bill Fagerbakke arrived at Oz to play an Arayan prison guard. He’s the voice of Patrick on Spongebob Squarepants. If you close your eyes, it’s the Yellow M&M and Patrick the starfish talking about white power. Forget all the buzz about Harry Potter getting naked and nasty with horses on stage. Here’s two childhood icons that took on very daring roles and I’m scarred for it.

IS SHE FUNNY YET?

Has it really been 4 1/2 years since Jimmy Kimmel hooked up with Sarah Silverman? Some view this “power couple” as the comedy version of John and Yoko. I prefer to think of them as a super group featuring Yoko and Linda McCartney.

PRESIDENTIAL POOP

President Brownback? Come on. That sounds like character in a German fetish video. Does this guy really expect to run for president when his name sounds like a UPS slogan? Damn shame he can’t name Scatman Crothers as his Vice President. I’d put a “Brownback & Scatman ’08” bumpersticker on my Yugo.

And Gov. Huckabee is doomed because I Heart Huckabees put me to sleep. If people ignored the film, why are they going to care about the live act? Likewise, I’d never vote for Sen. Jurassic Park III.

And what is Gov. Pataki waiting for? Can’t you hear the corn growing? Can’t bother to run until you discover all the secrets of Lost?

With only two more years before the real presidential election, I’m already sick of these people and their hats in the ring. These goofs will mouth off about people taking advantage of welfare programs, but they’re the biggest welfare moochers in Americas. They need to con hundreds of millions of dollars from us for their campaigns. The winning candidate needs $100 million to win a job that pays $300K. It’s disgusting. Do we allow aspiring pizza delivery boys the right to raise millions so they can land a gig at the Pizza Transit Authority?

And I’m sick of Iowa and their caucuses. For three years out of the year, we only care about Iowa if they can beat the spread when Michigan stomps them. But for the next year, all we’ll see on TV is Sen. John McCain standing in a corn field. Whoopie.

Here’s a scoop: Saudi Arabia is in the process of building an ethanol plant on their soil. Why? Where does Saudi Arabia grow their corn?

And why is “Al Franken Considers Run For Minnesota Senate Seat” considered a new story? They made a two hour movie about his positioning for the job. Unless Franken puts his name on the ballot – it’s a non-story. You want an exclusive, I’m thinking about having an affair with Angelina Jolie. Put that on the cover of the New York Times. Or maybe Weekly World News.

LET’S GO COVERING

Why did Prince have to cover the Foo Fighters during the Super Bowl? I mean, here’s Prince and he’s doing covers of Hendrix and Ike and Tina Turner at halftime. And the Foo Fighters? Why no Sublime tribute? At least they didn’t try to force My Chemical Romance onto the bill. It was a great mini-show, but somehow it would have been nice if Prince had played something newer of his own than 23 year old material from Purple Rain.

It is amazing how he doesn’t completely come off as a nostalgia act. If the 1984 Super Bowl had Frankie Avalon, we’d think they were behind the times. Well at least they chose an American act this year instead of their First wave British invasion acts. Herman’s Hermits must have booked for a cockfight.

WHERE’S THE DVD?

When is The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh coming out on DVD? With all the talk about Pittsburgh getting a new arena for Mario and the Penguins, it’s hard to think of them trashing the old arena. It’s cinema history for the shot of the balloon with Dr. J in the basket floating down through the opening in the Mellon Arena’s retractable roof. If Orca and Gymkata can get released, then it’s time for the greatest basketball film to get shiny disc love. Plus it’s time for a James Bond III revival.

Gymkata is this month’s must see DVD. Director Robert Clouse helped define Bruce Lee when he directed Enter the Dragon. A decade later he was given the weirdest task in filmmaking – transform a male gymnastics star into an international action hero. And don’t play it for laughs. Kurt Thomas, the diminutive star who missed his chance to shine in the boycotted 1980 Moscow Olympics, is sent on a secret mission to a small Eastern European country. He has to win a brutal competition in order to get the US a site for a defense project. Instead of being buried under secret gadgets, Thomas has to use a mixture of gymnastics and karate against the opposition. And thus the world was introduced to Gymkata.

The greatest moment in the movie is when Thomas uses a town monument to score a perfect 10 in the Pummeling Horse. This film is pure unintended hilarity. It’s like a pilot for a show to follow Sledge Hammer. Shockingly enough, there would be no Gymkata 2: Vault of Death.

If you have a bottle of Jack Daniels, you need to watch this film as part of Really Dumb Action movie night. This would be the perfect double bill with John Cena’s The Marine. Did anyone else laugh during the film when they kept claiming Australian countryside was really South Carolina? I kept waiting for them to have Kangaroo-shaped possums.

QSE News: 2/6/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:09 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgRick Rubin, the man behind the most recent and crappiest The Cure album, has been offered a job as co-chairman of Columbia Records. Rubin has yet to commit to the job but has told friends and family that he looks forward to ruining albums for a whole new group of artists.
  • In legal news, singer Whitney Houston has asked a judge to speed up her divorce proceedings from fellow singer Bobby Brown.  Whitney’s prerogative is to have divorce end quickly so that she can ascertain exactly how much money she will need to give “that mother-[EXPLETIVE DELETED] deadbeat.” Custody of the couple’s children and crack has yet to be decided.
  • It appears that Steve Jobs and the Beatles have settled their long-simmering battle over the “Apple” brand name. According to sources close to situation, Jobs and ex-Beatle, Paul McCartney, settled their dispute in a back room where both men threw their gigantic bank accounts on the table to see “whose was bigger.”  After news of the deal hit, Heather Mills was overheard saying that she is “totally going to marry that Steve guy.”
  • In a case of life imitating art, Granville Adams, who appeared in the hit HBO series, Oz, was arrested Sunday night after allegedly pushing a man into an elevator shaft.  The man, Orlando Vale, later died of his injuries. Adams agent released a statement stating the actor is looking forward to his new role as “bitch” and is excited for the opportunity to stretch his acting skills while practicing his “Doesn’t Hurt face” for his upcoming love scenes.
  • Justin Timberlake has been tapped to host this year’s Kid Choice Awards. Timberlake, known for songs such as “Future Sex/Love Sound” and “Rock Your Body,” hopes to entertain the awards show attendees with suggestive lyrics, sultry dances and several crotch grabs.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/6/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:08 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • And after you see that, you know you want watch the second half of Ms. Dickson’s delusional video… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 5, 2007

Interview: Tad Stones

Filed under: Interviews — UncaScroogeMcD @ 6:07 am

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-by Ken Plume

tadstones-01.jpgIn a tenure lasting over 25 years and beginning in the transition from the Nine Old Men to young turks that included fellow artists like John Lasseter and Glen Keane, Tad Stones made his mark not in the Disney Company’s fabled feature animation department, but in its burgeoning TV Animation division.

Stones was one of the chief architects of the “Disney Afternoon” period of classics, including creating the much-loved Darkwing Duck. He went on to play a role – as both writer and producer – in shows such as Aladdin, Hercules, Buzz Lightyear, and Atlantis. Since leaving Disney, he’s produced The Adventures of Brer Rabbit for Universal.

In addition to that rather hefty line of accomplishment, he’s now the producer for the new line of direct-to-DVD Hellboy: Animated films, which kicks off with the just released Sword of Storms. Reuniting nearly the entire cast of Guillermo del Toro’s live action film (including Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, and John Hurt) and working closely with Hellboy creator Mike Mignola, these films promise to be an exciting new chapter in the history of everyone’s favorite big red devil. You can even visit Stones’ online Hellboy production blog HERE.

I got a chance to chat with Tad about what it was like putting these films together (including the upcoming Blood & Iron), working with Mignola, his Disney past, and a few other odds and ends…

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KEN PLUME: Is this Tad?

TAD STONES: Yes it is.

KP: Hey, this is Ken Plume from Quick Stop…

tadstones-08.jpgSTONES: Hey! And I just stubbed my toe, so I’ll be in pain… Give you that extra edge…

KP: That’s good. Well, hopefully it’ll make up for what I’m sure will be a completely banal line of questioning…

STONES: Exactly…

KP: That you’ve heard thousands of times before.

STONES: Only in the last three weeks, I’m sure.

KP: Apologies for not being able to call you earlier…

STONES: No, that’s fine. Actually it turned out I was at a recording session for the whole first part of the morning.

KP: Oh, so it worked out.

STONES: Yeah. And then I was supposed to have an interview and I realized I must have made the time zone mistake. The guy goes, “Well, we’ll try to reschedule, sorry.” And it’s like, “I’m not supposed to talk to you until hours from now!” Oops!

KP: You’re certainly banging the drum in any way you can to get the word out about this Hellboy release…

STONES: Definitely. And shameless. People don’t get it. I don’t get a cut of the movie – It’s just that I want to make a lot more of these. It’s just so much fun and so cool, and the only way to do that is to get people to buy that first one.

KP: I noticed that you have an online journal that you’ve been keeping during production…

STONES: Yes. All the good stuff is earlier in the archives, though. It’s kinda like, once the movie’s done, it’s a lot of whining and complaining about, “Why aren’t people buying this?” “Because it’s not on sale yet.” I feel honored in that my composer Christopher Drake sent me an email to say we’re nominated for the “Rondo Hatten Horror Movies Awards.” It’s just like, “Ooh, I didn’t know that there was an award named after Rondo Hatten.”

KP: You know, if you can get the Hatten Award, then that’s got to be center on your mantelpiece….

STONES: Yeah, exactly. Definitely. Unfortunately, we’re up against Battlestar Galactica, so somehow I’m thinking…

KP: Yeah, but come on – if the Hattens know what’s good for them…

STONES: (laughs) Exactly.

KP: Then they know what they need to pick. Anyone can choose Galactica.

STONES: Exactly.

KP: They need to go with the quality choice, not the quantity.

STONES: That’s what I’m thinking.

KP: I’m wondering – is it an oversized award?

STONES: No, it looks like… about the size of an open fist.

KP: I would think the Rondo Hatten award would have to be at least somewhat larger than the average award…

STONES: Yes. Well, the nose alone, I think…

KP: It has quite a stunning profile up on the shelf.

STONES: Yes. (laughs)

KP: My first question would have to be when your first exposure to the Hellboy material was…

STONES: Well, you know, I was a comic fan, so I had been collecting a lot of Mike’s work even before I knew who Mike Mignola was. Certainly at Cosmic Odyssey, that he did for DC, is when he really started, I think, stepping onto the style path that he’s continued ever since, of exaggerating action – of simplification just in general – and just his storytelling started changing. So when Hellboy was announced, I was one of those people waiting for it. So, I was there from the very beginning. In fact, I pitched it at Disney Studios as a prime time show, because they were asking for new and different ideas about 12 years ago. I did a little Adobe Premier presentation, and I only had “Wake the Devil”, “Seed of Destruction” and “The Corpse” to choose from. I didn’t have any more visuals than that. So, early on there, I was already pitching the idea.

KP: Were you actually pitching it as an adaptation of his visual style, as well?

STONES: At the time, X-Files was huge. It was at its peak. This was 1994, I guess… ’93, ’94. And Bruce Timm had proved – along with Alan Burnett and Paul Dini and Eric Radomski and his whole gang – that animation didn’t have to be just morality tales for tweens. Animation could do some cool drama with The New Adventures of Batman. So my pitch was that this was the animated X-Files. It pretty much would have been the tales of the BPRD. (laughs) They never picked it up, so who knows what it would have become, because I certainly wanted to keep the folklore aspects and everything that was Hellboy. But the pitch was basically an animated X-Files. And they were looking for something more akin to, say… oh, I don’t know – The Simpsons…

tadstones-03.jpgKP: So, in other words, if you’d just put a couple more jokes in it…

STONES: Well, like I said in other places, thank god they didn’t take it or we might be dealing with Heckboy or having Hellboy in the Fantasyland castle posing with Tigger and Pooh. I don’t think the world’s ready for that.

KP: No. Or you can have a little BPRD section of Disneyland. Although they’d probably stick it in California Adventure.

STONES: That would probably be a whole different take on the Haunted Mansion.

KP: Yeah, like the Nightmare Before Christmas redress for the holidays…

STONES: Exactly. You just have agents there blowing the heads off some of the existing ghosts.

KP: Works for me.

STONES: Anyway, so it didn’t go there. But as a fan, I went way back right to the beginning – the very first publication, I guess, was in a San Diego Comic-Con handbook, but the first thing I saw was the few pages Mike did in the center of the Next Men, by John Byrne.

KP: How would you describe the creative boundaries of Disney TV animation at that time? You were able to accomplish quite a lot within that “Disney Afternoon” block that was unprecedented as far as Disney material was concerned…

STONES: Well, way back when on the Disney afternoon, we were kind of masters of our own destiny. We didn’t realize how good we had it. Although we had to answer to our boss, Gary Krisel, pretty much any show that we could sell to Jeffrey Katzenberg and Michael Eisner got put on the air. We didn’t have to deal with the network in any of that. And I doubt that those early shows would have been as solid if we had been doing it with a normal network, because they would have been more gag oriented or there’d be no continuity. Where some of those shows really banked on that. It was just a different style of storytelling, I think. Especially when you get into something like Gargoyles. Arguably, it could have been too complex, but the point is working that, with a normal network situation, I don’t think that would have happened. It was just a special time in syndicated history. And then Fox started up their own network and that shifted things, and then as soon as cable got into cartoons, it’s a kind of golden age for animation in that it’s everywhere. But the problem is no one place makes a huge amount of money, so it’s hard to fund projects and things like that. So anyway, on Disney Afternoon, we were kind of left on our own, other than internal notes. We still have such a large fanbase… In fact, those fans are starting to have kids…

KP: Is there anything that surprises you, to this day, that you were able to get away with?

STONES: Not really. Because with the Disney Afternoon, we were still at Disney. So you just gear your thinking “G-rated.”

tadstones-07.jpgKP: Right. But I can’t imagine a show like Darkwing Duck getting launched today within Disney.

STONES: Yeah, just because they’re oriented to a whole…I don’t even think they’ve got funny animal programs outside of Mickey, Donald and Goofy. Just that kind of Carl Barks/Donald Duck tradition. A lot of us loved that stuff, and so that oriented toward thinking of, “Hey, you can tell any kind of story with these characters.” And now it’s just a whole different mindset, as to what they’re looking for. And not just at Disney, I think in all the networks you don’t see the same kind of shows. Darkwing Duck was my salute to the silver age of DC comics. You know – Julie Schwartz would just do those crazy covers of kryptonite stories of Superman turning fat or bald or old or something like that, and Darkwing had that same kind of silliness. It was back before the days of continuity, so Darkwing had, like, four origins at least that we animated. And we would have had more, had it gone on longer.

KP: I remember hearing the voice tracks for “Justice Ducks,” and being blown away, as a comic book fan, that this was being done for TV animation. And by Disney! That sense of superhero fun hadn’t been done at that point…

STONES: Basically, back then – especially with Darkwing – you had a lot of oversight at the very beginning when you’re creating the show, when you’re pitching the show, and then around the third script they all back away and start picking on other people. And then the scrutiny returns when you start getting animation back. So, in between times, I could pretty much come to work and say, “You know what? I’m thinking of an episode with mafia penguins.” Today it would be, “Let’s do the The Departed, but we’re doing them with penguins and Darkwing’s going to infiltrate this gang of penguins, and one of the penguins is going to come and masquerade as Darkwing Duck,” or something. You know, whatever the idea, whatever the notion is, there is no one to say no. It was like, “Okay, let’s make that funny.”

KP: I remember, to my young mind, I was thrilled with the idea that here was legitimately a spin-off series that was in the same universe as DuckTales, and piecing that together…

STONES: You know what? I never worried about that. I mean, by definition he was a spin-off because Launchpad was in both…

KP: And Gizmo Duck…

STONES: Yeah, and that really came more from the origin of the show than it came from… well, certainly Darkwing has nothing of the Carl Barks sensibility, or the DuckTales sensibility, which I feel is very different than the Carl Barks stuff. The notion started out as an episode called “Double 0 Ducks,” which was just Launchpad as a James Bond parody. And Jeffrey Katzenberg just loved the name, and asked me to develop a show, and I just felt, “Spy parody? We’re, like, 10 years too late.” This was before Austin Powers.

KP: “And we just did that episode.”

STONES: Yeah. (laughs) Well, I mean, it was done in DuckTales, and he was just saying, “Spin it off as a show.” I pitched something, and I just felt it had no sense of family to it, there were no strong relationships, it was just parody. I presented it, and he said, “You know, there’s no sense of family to it, there’s no relationships, it’s just parody. Do it over.” Suddenly, it’s like, “Oh crap, I can’t do the easy thing.” And then that’s when I started thinking about the old pulps like Green Hornet and The Shadow, and Doc Savage having a band of people who helped him. And that’s when he really got redeveloped. And until we found out we couldn’t use the words “double 0.” So the name is what kept him alive, and then we couldn’t use it. And we couldn’t come up with a new name, so we had a contest in the studio. The winner would get 500 bucks, and ironically the winner was Alan Burnett, who came up with Darkwing, and I said, “Oh, we just gotta make it a little sillier – let’s make it Darkwing Duck.” And Alan took his money and then left to go to Warner Brothers and write the first season of Batman. Had he stayed, Darkwing might have been much darker.

KP: What were the complications with “Double 0”?

STONES: It was owned by Cubby Broccoli. It’s not a real thing, it was made up by Ian Fleming, and Cubby Broccoli had the rights to all of the Ian Fleming novels.

KP: I never knew that.

STONES: Yeah.

KP: Must have been a heck of a thing to find out.

STONES: Well, Disney always pays attention to that stuff, because they want to sue everybody else. We’d see stuff all the time at Warner Brothers cartoons, and we’d say, “Why can’t we do that?” And it’s like, we didn’t want to get them in trouble, but they would never let us do similar things.

KP: Playing in that superhero wheelhouse with Darkwing… I was about to use the horrible pun, “wetting your beak…”

STONES: But it was gooey and you thought better of it.

KP: I caved in at the end. Moving on to Hellboy, do you think, in some ways, you can look back and see Darkwing as a precursor for fully embracing that sort of superhero storytelling in animation?

STONES: I enjoy comics. I’ve always enjoyed stories of the supernatural. My work on Hellboy had nothing to do with any evolution of my Disney stuff. It’s very strange, because I feel in a strange way that my almost 30 years at Disney was kind of a precursor to my work now. I really feel like now I’m taking the next creative step, and that they love me at Disney because yes, I could do fun shows, but I always watched the budget and the schedule because it was my job as a producer. And I look back at things with Darkwing and I say, “This could have been so much funnier if I’d gone back in and given the extra note and got in a little trouble to push things even better.” But now on Hellboy, it’s like, because of my work with Mike Mignola, I don’t want to let him down, and I’m striving to do something new in American animation. In Japanese animation, they’ve done all these subjects and they’ve done it in the same way and in a million different variations. But I just felt like animating horror and suspense and really making it suspenseful is something I’d certainly never done. And I no longer had to write for kids. I mean, yes, you always say, “We write for ourselves,” which is true, but you’re writing for yourselves with certain limitations. Just like you may use certain slang with your friends watching the Super Bowl game, but if you’re at a tea with Aunt Betty who’s 93, perhaps you wouldn’t use the same language. It’s still you, but you’re watching what you say. And it’s the same way when you’re writing for kids. Yes, you use your own sensibilities; yes, you’re coming up with gags that you think are funny, but they’re a certain kind of gag. With Hellboy, I could really work on stories and work with other writers to say, “Let’s do this for ourselves. For our peers. For people who are adults.” Because that’s who Mike wrote for.

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KP: How would you describe actually working with a property that has a creator that is still very much with us and very much involved, as opposed to – with Disney – largely working within a corporate structure with corporately owned characters?

STONES: Well, it’s night and day. I feel Mike’s a friend now, and I feel a commitment to do things as good as I can, and to push for things, and to really get his vision as much as I can into our work, because we write the stories together. If he comes up with ideas, I generally take his, even if they’re just a different way of doing things. That’s the whole point. He has a unique perspective, a unique sense of humor. I just feel like he’s done this incredible thing on the page, and let’s try to get as much of that on the screen as we can. And I think our second movie is much stronger than our first, and we hardly had a learning curve on that one because we practically did it at the same time. We really produced these two movies as one big movie. Currently I’ve got a green light to write a third movie, and now I’m finally getting to use what I learned – what worked, what didn’t work as well, what’s a better way of carrying off a certain moment, how much information I have to give to the overseas studio to really capture a moment. That’s all stuff I’m finally able to apply.

KP: When you say “what didn’t work,” what are the lessons that you walked away with on these first two films that you’re carrying into the third?

STONES: I realized that if I wanted a really cool looking skull, we basically had to design and fully paint it here. A storyboard artist will just draw, like, a symbol for a skull, with just big circles for the eyes and all that, and that’s what you get back overseas. I just… it seems a stupid little thing, but it’s symbolic of – with Mike’s comics, he will cut to architecture, he’ll cut to a statue. And there’s always a reason for it. We do the same thing in the films, but normally you do a background key for an entire sequence, so that if you cut to something within the room, it’s up to the overseas studios to put a little more detail in it. Because it’s a close-up, and when it really matters for those insets, it’s just another level of detail we’re gonna have to push ourselves here to include in our design package. So, that’s a very specific example, but it’s indicative of a larger mentality of, “Boy, this little moment, what’s the best way we can do that moment and how do we pull off that special effect?” In a live action film you would have a room full of experts worrying about where to put the squibs and what’s safe and is the fire department there, and how big does the green screen behind it have to be. Nothing can just be done casually. You’ve got all these people in the middle of it. In animation, a storyboard guy could just say, “Oh, well this flares up and this rock melts,” and it could just go through. But at that point, you say, “What’s the best way to reveal that she’s getting so hot that the rocks are melting around her?” And you realize that has to be a whole discussion. Everybody’s got to be in on that and thinking about it just like we would for a live action movie. So at this point I think we accomplished the huge part of the task. Now I’m just anxious to refine things and to get more of Mike onto the film.

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KP: Are there any lessons that you learned in terms of character or pacing or story?

STONES: Um, in the comics there’s definitely scenes in the BPRD where they’re handing out mission reports, and we have one in the second film, where guys are eating donuts and looking at photographs as you get the back story. We’ll still have sequences like that, but now I think I will illustrate them more. Whereas, if they say, “Okay we’ve got reports of strange ghosts walking around the streets of Burbank,” we will cut to Burbank, and show some little kid being stunned by an apparition crossing his path.

KP: You’re saying the Hill Street Blues debriefing doesn’t quite work for animation?

STONES: Exactly. You’ve got to put a little bit more in there. And especially when dealing with the paranormal, and just how we pace things. The pacing for the most part I’m happy with, in that the difference between doing a series and doing a movie is that when it comes to a haunted house in a movie, I get to reveal slowly that it’s a haunted house and hopefully in a spooky way so you have an emotional reaction. In a series, we have to just say, “It’s a haunted house,” because we have to get on with the story. And the fun stuff is actually trying to evoke an emotion in the audience.

KP: In the first two films, are there any characters that you feel were underserved? Or you really want to concentrate more on in the future?

STONES: Well, the only character who will be in every movie is Hellboy.

KP: One would hope.

STONES: Yeah. Well, I mean there’s a certain sentiment where people are saying, “Well, wait a minute, how come Liz and Abe aren’t around more?” Well, in the first movie, Liz and Abe were barely in it. They were in the first sequence, and then on the end of a telephone call. And because we felt like we’re gonna be dealing with this weird Japanese world, let’s have our world more normal by just having Kate Corrigan and another human agent. Then we were short and we had to come up with more material, and Abe and Liz got their own little subplot, which has some of the coolest moments in the movie. Certainly some of the best personality moments in the movie. There’s also the feeling that Liz should use her fire powers more. And we had to say, “She’s not the human torch.” The series of comics and the films are called Hellboy for a reason. Not Hellboy & Friends, or Hellboy and the Amazing BPRD.

KP: But there’s your spin-off…

STONES: Well, exactly. You know, we will do that show. No problem. That’s not a problem at all. In fact, we could do an animated X-Files. Why not do that series while we’re doing the Hellboy movie…

KP: Or you can do one for the under-5 set – Playhouse Hellboy…

tadstones-10.jpgSTONES: Maybe not. (laughs) Maybe we won’t do that. We’re very lucky to be able to work in the long form on these. And there are characters that fans really want to see. Roger gets named entirely, and my feeling is that Roger the Homunculus can’t just be another agent. You don’t introduce him in a briefing and say, “Oh yeah, here’s a guy who’s kind of made of pig manure and straw and a few incantations.” You know? It’s like, “Okay, she’s a pyrotechnic. Got it. The fish guy? Okay, got it. I saw Creature from the Black Lagoon. Hellboy, devil. I understand that. The fist is a little odd, but it’s big and it hits things. I understand that.” Once you start getting into other stuff that gets weirder and weirder, I don’t want to make them mundane. Roger deserves his own movie. Will we do that movie? Maybe. That would kind of have to be a direct adaptation, and I don’t know if we’re ready to do one of those yet. We did, within Hellboy: Sword of Storms – available February 6, Tuesday! Buy two, they’re small.

KP: Why not three?

STONES: Exactly. I think they make a great set of coasters for your dinner table.

KP: Arbor day is coming up.

STONES: Hey, Valentine’s! Nothing says love more than Hellboy.

KP: Or three copies of it.

STONES: Exactly. Like I say, there’s no number three without people buying number one. Where was I?

KP: Well, fans may want to see characters…

STONES: Yeah, so fans really… you know, there’s that kind of thing with what they want to see and they really push for, and they’re not thinking it through, because if we just included those things, it’s gonna become the Fantastic Four or the X Men. Which are fine, but they’re not Hellboy. And the next one, if it goes as we plotted it out, the only BPRD agent with Hellboy is Kate Corrigan. Liz and Abe and those guys aren’t in it. And it’s partially because we’ve got so many other characters that are cool that are gonna be in it. We’ve talked of one where it’s Hellboy on a trans steamer. And then we’ve certainly talked others that really feature Liz.

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KP: What are the characters that you really want to see? Forget about the fans for now. You’re a fan as well. Particularly when you talk about the problems with Roger, that you just can’t see a way to quite work it through just yet…

STONES: Well, Roger I could see doing it. I’m just saying if we did that story, “Almost Colossus”, the thing we would have to figure out is how to bring Liz Sherman more into the story. Because currently, her story starts in the previous adventure, and she’s comatose through the whole thing. And it’s like you’d really want to take time to set up how Liz fears her power and doesn’t want it and how dark it is, and then she gives it up to this homunculus. We just haven’t given thought to how to do that. A lot of Roger’s story doesn’t have Hellboy in it, so that’s kind of a tough row to hoe. So I’m not saying we couldn’t do it, it would just be a whole project in itself. Meanwhile, we have other stories that are original that fans don’t know anything about. It’s like, “You know what? Maybe we ought to do those.”

KP: Who would be the character that’s closest to you, besides Hellboy?

STONES: I just love writing him in interactions. I love writing between him and Kate Corrigan. So it’s less about any specific character, it’s about what story we’d come up with. Certainly Lobster Johnson is always talked about… Lobster Johnson is a lot stranger than fans realize. And they may not realize that until the second Lobster Johnson miniseries. Mike is quite the storyteller and part of his creative process is telling people stories he wants to do. Because it just helps him – when he says it out loud he comes up with more ideas, and it’s like, “Yeah, yeah…” That’s just part of his process. So, I will never have another unspoiled Hellboy story. The things he told me – it’s like, “That’s incredible. That’s weird! Yeah, I want to see that!”

KP: It’s going to complicate things, is what you’re saying…

STONES: Well, part of the thing is that Mike feels is, “I want to tell my Lobster Johnson story before you tell yours, or Guillermo tells his.” And it’s like, I’m all for that, because I’m a fan. Or we could use him, but we’ll only tell this little part of the story, because that’ll be a tease into the comics or something like that. So we go back and forth on everything, and he’s the one who kinda keeps me updated on what the live action movie’s going to do, without Guillermo having to drop by. We basically try to stay clear of each other’s subject matter.

KP: So how would you describe the working relationship between you and Mike?

STONES: Fun. Absolutely the best part of the production is working on the story with Mike. And he is just incredible at how many stories he can come up with in a short amount of time. Whereas you develop a story, he’ll come up with a visual that even has color references in it. So he’s already seen the movie in his head kind of, or at least a sequence, and you’re taking notes wildly. And some of my best moments is when I come up with something that he feels like he could have written… That could have come out of him, and by the time we get to the end people say, “Well, which ideas were yours and which ideas were Mike?” There’s a couple that I really know are mine and a couple that I really know are Mike’s, but past that, I have no clue. And that’s a good sign to me. It means that we’re really doing his kind of story. Mike has, from his point of view, just the right amount of involvement in our shows, in that he works on story, even up to dialogue notes. He may come to a recording session or two. And then he’s done. He’ll describe visuals. He doesn’t draw anything for the show. And then he sees it finished. I would love to have him more, except that I’m a fan, and we could use up all his time, and it’s like, “No, go write some comics.” (laughs)

KP: Is there anything, creatively, you’ve come to loggerheads over?

STONES: No. Part of what I did before starting these projects is read a lot of the source material that Mike did… Source material is the wrong way of saying it. Mike loved the Weird Tales stories. He loved the work of Manly Wade Wellman and obviously H.P. Lovecraft and Clark Ashton Smith and Hope Hodgson. I read a lot of that stuff to get kind of the vibe, some of the things that he loved that led to Hellboy, which led to a certain kind of a story idea, which put us more on the same level. There was nothing…I’m not trying to sell him my version of Hellboy – we’re working on the story together and he’s keeping me on track on how to do Hellboy. If there was such a thing as he has a suggestion, and it’s just different, it’s not necessarily better, I’m gonna go with his idea, because that’s the whole point. He has the unique point of view, the quirky sense of humor that gives it a special flavor. And that is what I’m trying to get on film. It’s much different for Guillermo, who’s doing a movie that he’s gonna spend several years living with, both writing and developing and putting on. At a certain point, Guillermo is saying, “In my movie, Hellboy and Liz are going to have a romance.” And that may be the thing that made that movie stand on its own for an audience who’s never picked up a Hellboy comic. But it’s not something I would do, because my goal is to stay as close to the comic as possible. Although the specific events in our universe are different from Mike’s universe.

KP: Is there anything in your eyes that you’d say is completely inappropriate, either for a story or a character beat, within the universe that you’ve created?

STONES: There are things we did in the first one because we were still finding our way that I wouldn’t have done. Or I wouldn’t have done the same way. There’s a sequence where the Japanese artifact spirits kind of dance into the room, and it was kind of a little fun jab at Beauty and the Beast, and then they attack. That’s one of those moments where I should have gone back in and said, “This attack has to be horrific.” Part of it is, they’re in real jeopardy and Kate’s being smothered, but it’s like, that requires special care. The psychic character in the first movie is sillier than we should have gone. He was just a little too cartoon. In the second movie, Sidney Leach is involved, the Human Metal Detector, who’s a very minor character from the comics. But he felt right. He’s a little more solid in his portrayal, and he fit in with the other agents. So that kind of stuff, I look back and say, “You know, that’s inappropriate.” In one case, if you don’t try hard enough with something that seems like a silly concept, and then you can’t give it the energy and the effort to turn that silly into horrific, then avoid it. If there’s limitations with your schedule or personnel or whatever it is. And the other’s just a tone thing. “Here’s the level of silliness we’ll do.” There are places for broad, slapstick humor in this movie, but that wasn’t the spot.

KP: How much of it was a boon to you as a writer and a producer, knowing that you had by and large the film’s cast to depend on?

STONES: Well, it took away the worry there. You knew that you didn’t have to go through casting or, “What’s Hellboy going to be like?” or “How’s he gonna say this line?” We know how he’s gonna say the line. And I don’t want to make light of Matt Wayne, who wrote Sword of Storms – I came in and had to write the extra material and rewrote some of the stuff because of changes we made, so we split a credit. But Matt was one of the story editors on Justice League Unlimited, and did a huge amount of research into the legends. And really, a lot of the authentic feeling came right out of his work. The second movie was written by Kevin Hopps, who I’d worked with well before on Darkwing Duck. He had the benefit of having a little more time and he got to go to Mike Mignola’s house with me. In those early stages of working out the story, we kind of gave him the story and then he pitched it back to us on index cards, having fleshed out moments, and we could talk about that. So he had a little more involvement at the beginning than poor Matt did.

KP: At this point, within your own mind and between you and Mike, how many germs for films would you say you’ve developed?

STONES: Well, we’ve talked about, I’m sure in passing, at least another four or five. But not to say that we would do those four or five, that’s just kernels of… not even a premise. Barely a springboard. But you know that, “Oh! Of course! We can do a William Hope Hodgson Sargasso Sea type story with Hellboy.” And you kind of immediately know, “Yeah… yeah… I know exactly how that would do and how we would set it.” You don’t have to talk about it and you kind of know that when we get there, that’ll be a piece of cake. That’ll be a whole different feeling from these other movies, and we’ll get to that one. I was working with some Native American actors and I started talking about supernatural tales of the American southwest, and Michael Horse – who was the deputy on Twin Peaks, and played Indians in all sorts of movies and television, because he is one – grew up on the reservation in New Mexico, and was telling me about how he used to clip his crystal radio set to the barbed wire fence, and pick up blues music. And I thought, “Hellboy was raised in the American southwest, and that’s just the kind of thing that he would do, and that’s just the kind of music he would love,” and I said, “Can you give me references for paranormal stories or the supernatural?” I’ve got some, but the Navaho, the Hopi… I told that to Mike, and he thought that was great. There’s a huge space of Hellboy’s life he’s never touched. And we could possibly do that. So that one’s exciting. We were talking about it the other day. And then there’s certainly spin-offs of the books themselves, saying, “Gee, do we want to take the short story and make something more of it?” If you wipe out all those ideas and Mike got in a taxi in Manhattan Beach and was driving up here to Burbank for the studio, and I said, “We’ve got to come up with some new ideas,” I guarantee you he would have a half dozen ideas, and some of them fully fleshed out by the time he got here. It’s just the way his brain works. He cannot turn it off.

KP: Is the current plan to keep these as movies, or is there some plan to perhaps eventually spin this into a series?

STONES: The plan now is to do a series of DVD movies. As I understand it, it’s actually harder to sell a series on DVD unless you are a huge hit on television already. I would be much more comfortable with a BPRD TV series. Because you’d say, “Okay, we can plan it out in a different way, or we can do standalone stories or continued stories, or whatever we’re allowed to do.” But the movies are it. That’s what’s been talked about so far, and they’ve got the rights for several more years. I’d love to do three movies a year. You know, the sales would have to be pretty spectacular for them to commit to that, but I’m hoping they’re strong enough, and certainly with the second one being such a strong movie, that they commit to three more instead of just one more. But we’ll see. I take it as I get it.

KP: So, looking back on your 30 years in the animation industry, is there anything you would tell the your of 30 years ago, just starting out in Eric Larson’s training program at the Disney studio?

STONES: Yeah. Buy Xerox! Buy land in Sedona, Arizona! Buy Apple Computer. And hang out with John Lasseter a lot more.

KP: What was the he like at that point?

STONES: When Lasseter was there? John was just one of the trainees, and he worked on a lot of little Mickey Mouse ideas that were just great. He certainly did a great sequence in the movie Fox and the Hound with Glen Keane. The two of them plotted out this big bear fight. And then when he got a chance to do a little CG animation, plan out a test – actually, it was with Glen – he just… it was when Bill Kroyer was at Disney still working on Tron stuff. John, I think, had a vision of the future. He just saw that there was a lot of potential there, and wanted to do more and more about it, and that wasn’t going to happen at Disney. Not at that time, anyway. They didn’t recognize the potential of the medium, they just worried about the medium that they had. John is more Disney than Disney. So the fact that he’s now heading Disney animation – everything is right with the world.

KP: Was there any point that you regretted the transition into TV animation?

STONES: (laughs) Yeah, whenever my good friends would put out a movie that made 300 million dollars – yeah, around there. And I see books and magazines about them. Seriously…

KP: Yeah, but how many people are talking to an interviewer that has a Megavolt action figure on their desk?

STONES: There you go. And you know what? Actually, as silly as that sounds, that is exactly the difference. I always envied their resources, and literally the animation quality. I’m talking about the quality of acting and movement in the characters. I’ve always envied that. But for my personality, I love the fact that every year and a half or so I do a new show, or Darkwing is on longer because we did so many episodes. But I had, at that time, a lot of ideas. On Darkwing, it was fun generating those different ideas for stories and trying to get the most fun out of them. On Hellboy, I’m now enjoying the telling of the longer story, but already – as we’ve said in this conversation – we’ve got ideas for a half dozen more. I’m anxious to get those in work, too. So, I envied their ability to create these fantastic pieces of cinema, but what I enjoyed is the variety of storytelling I’ve gotten to do. In general, when people ask, “What are your favorite episodes?” I say, “Well, the episodes animated by Walt Disney Australia,” because they had the best animation and that was like, “Look!” You know, the first Darkwing Duck animation that we saw was a pencil test of an episode I had written. It was basically the pilot, which was called “That Sinking Feeling,” with Professor Moliarty. And they just did such a fantastic job of execution. I had never had a pencil test shown to the staff where the staff is laughing out loud. And, in fact, people came from the next office over and asked if we’d be quiet.

KP: And who was that office next door?

STONES: That was Gary Krisel, president of animation. And at the time, I’m thinking, “You see what’s happening? It’s like we’re laughing at one of our cartoons! In a big way!”

KP: A sign of things to come…

STONES: Yeah. Unfortunately, on my shows, I think I never got more than eight Australian episodes. In other series somehow it worked out that they had like 20 Australian episodes. How’d that happen?

KP: Like Little Mermaid?

STONES: No, it was things like Goof Troop and Bonkers.

KP: It always seemed, animation-wise, that Darkwing was two different shows. You had the really high-end, nicely on model stuff that would come from Australia every once in a while, and stuff that might not come from Australia but it was still on model. Then you had these episodes that would pop up that just, you wondered what show they were working on…

STONES: That was just that the shows back then were done by three or four different studios. So it’s purely…

KP: But there was one that had very bulbous designs and this weird sort of elastic animation style…

STONES: All I can say is they were all supposed to look alike. And then everything else is the studio overseas.

KP: But the stories always carried through.

STONES: Well, good. That stayed the same.

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KP: So outside of Hellboy, if there’s any one thing that you worked on that they would turn to you and go, “We’ll give you all the resources you want if you want to revisit this,” is there anything that you would revisit?

STONES: Not really. I mean, as much as I love Darkwing – and if you had a gun to my head and say you must pick something, then I’d probably pick Darkwing and come up with some goofy superhero adventure. Give him yet another origin to drive the fans crazy. I’ve done that. I’ve done that stuff for 30 years. I’m up for an Annie Award on another show I did, for Universal. The Adventures of Brer Rabbit. It’s like, I’ve done that. I don’t need to return to that. There may be a time when, to pay the bills, I’d return to that, and I’ll enjoy what I’m doing, but as far as the creative challenge, I would much rather do Hellboy or talk to Dark Horse about some other properties they have, or just continue with projects that stretch what I can do, or what’s been done in animation.

KP: Are there any projects of your own that you’ve either pitched in the past or never pitched?

STONES: I have a character or two that it’s like, “Yeah, I’d like to get back to that character,” but I won’t even worry about that until I stop having fun with Mr. Mignola’s friends.

KP: So, for the immediate future, as far as you can see, this is your primary focus?

STONES: I was offered a huge Marvel property. They wanted me to show run it, and I gambled on staying here because of Hellboy.

KP: It was Mort the Dead Teenager, wasn’t it?

STONES: Yeah, exactly. No, it was Forbush Man…

KP: If it was Brother Voodoo, you would have been on it in a flash…

STONES: Exactly. Anyway, I gambled that there would be more here. Next week I’ll find out if that gamble paid off. But it’s just such a combination of a character I love, the type of stories I’ve always wanted to do, and working with a creator who’s just fun to work with, who I really admire and respect, and who I consider a friend.

KP: So, bottom line, you’re enjoying yourself.

STONES: Yes. It’s like, at this stage in my career, enjoyment means a lot.

KP: I think that’s a perfect place to end.

STONES: Okay.

KP: Anything else you want to get the word out on?

STONES: Well, the main thing is mention like is it comes out Tuesday. Hellboy: Blood & Iron, which is a much darker story, premieres on Cartoon Network on March 10th.

KP: Is there a current release date for that DVD? Is that summer?

STONES: If there is, I don’t know it. I believe it’s in May.

KP: Just in time for Comic-Con.

STONES: Yeah, basically. In fact, Mike and I will be in New York for the New York Comic-Con in February, and we’re going to have a rather large sneak preview of Blood & Iron at that point.

SModcast 1

Filed under: SModcast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:50 am

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SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.

The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.

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SModcast 1: Fisting Flipper –

In which our heroes primarily puzzle over when “Oriental” became a derogatory term, as well as touch on the following subjects: the very tall, “Pump Up the Volume”, parental groping, the detritus that gets washed off a newborn, the notion of a Birth-Day celebration, mobile units, bear bars, and Wolfie.

[CONTENT WARNING] SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
SModcast 1 (MP3 format) ““ 47.5 MB

[display_podcast]

SUBSCRIBE
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Wanna add your two cents? Spend it here, in the SModcast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SMODCAST ARCHIVES

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QSE News: 2/5/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:17 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgActor Ryan O’Neal, the star of the film Paper Moon, was arrested for allegedly assaulting his son. According to police reports, O’Neal assaulted his son by forcing him to watch his film The Assault of the Killer Bimbos 13 times in a row.
  • According to the man himself, Joss Whedon is no longer attached to write or direct the upcoming Wonder Woman film. Rather than capitalizing on the fanatical, built in audience Whedon brings with him, DC hopes to move in a direction similar to that of the blockbuster Catwoman film.
  • In additional comic to movie news, David Goyer, will not be helming a Flash feature film. Rather than capitalizing on the fanatical, built in audience Goyer brings with him, DC hopes to move in a direction similar to that of the blockbuster Catwoman film.
  • Clint Eastwood is being honored by the Motion Picture Association of America. Eastwood will receive a Jack Valenti Humanitarian Award. The MPAA has promised to keep the ceremony a family affair by removing all “indecent” language and sexual situations. Extreme violence will be shown in full.
  • Acclaimed director Roman Polanski has said his next film will be a tale of the events before and after the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius.  While casting is still a way’s off, Polanski is said to be interested in working with some of today’s hottest young actresses and then sleeping with them.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/5/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:08 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • And now, your Monday morning Shatner… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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February 4, 2007

Contest: Win the Animated Hellboy DVD

Filed under: Contests — widge @ 10:48 pm

Quick Stop Entertainment, in conjunction with Starz! Entertainment, is giving away 10 copies of the direct-to-video animated movie HELLBOY: SWORD OF STORMS.

In addition, we’ll be giving away prize packs containing a copy of Mike Mignola’s AMAZING SCREW-ON HEAD DVD and HELLBOY: ANIMATED stationary, journals, and magnets from DARK HORSE COMICS. How many? We haven’t decided yet. Be nice to us and the number might increase.

Contest closed!

February 2, 2007

Scrubs Blog: A Doctor and a Gentleman

Filed under: Production Blogs,Quickcasts,Scrubs Blog,Video — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:51 pm
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VIDEO BLOG #75: “A Doctor and a Gentleman” ““
Dr. Kelso gets his cinematic moment of glory in this behind-the-scenes look at a memorable fantasy sequence from “His Story IV”.

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Download Scrubs Video Blog #75:

  • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 13.29 MB)
  • Small (320 x 240 – QuickTime – 5.70 MB)
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Comics in Context #163: Are They On The List?

Filed under: Columns,Comics in Context — admin @ 9:06 pm
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cic2007-02-02.jpgLast week I began my commentary on Peter Coogan’s book Superhero: The Secret Origin of a Genre (MonkeyBrain Press, 2006), in which he attempts to define both the superhero as a literary character and the superhero genre. He identifies three basic elements of the superhero, which he abbreviates as MPI: the mission, which benefits society and will typically last the length of the hero’s career; the powers; and the heroic identity, which is signified by a codename and costume, and which is usually accompanied by an alternate, secret identity.

Coogan makes one important point almost in passing. Wondering what made the cover of Action Comics #1 (1938), featuring Superman lifting a car, so different from past pulp and comics covers, which featured “outlandish action,” he theorizes that “Most likely, it was Superman’s costume in conjunction with the display of superpowers in a contemporary setting. This setting did not distance the action as a more exotic setting, such as an African jungle or an alien world, would have done” (Superhero p. 36). Coogan’s emphasis here is on the costume as “marker” of the superhero genre. But the setting is important, too. A cover featuring a man without a superhero costume who was lifting a large object on an alien planet would indicate a science fiction adventure story, not a superhero tale.

Over at his blog recently, former Marvel and DC writer Peter B. Gillis wondered about the Marvel and DC Universes: “How is it possible, I’d say, that in a world with antigravity, FTL travel, time travel, conscious computers, an alien contact every 2 1/2 weeks, and teleportation, that people still run around in gasoline powered cars with rubber tires?” Indeed, instead of using his anti-gravity discs for crime, why doesn’t the Wizard, one of the Fantastic Four’s enemies, mass produce them for sale to the general public? He’d become as rich as Bill Gates, and honestly. The Wizard would have also transformed the lives of ordinary people on Marvel-Earth possibly even more than the personal computer transformed our lives in the real world.

Gillis propounds what he calls “the Fundamental Theorem of Superheroes: that A superhero strip is a story in which, whatever the science fiction or fantasy elements are in the main premise, the background is always everyday reality.” He then explains that if you “change the background too much, and the strip becomes science fiction or fantasy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it stops being a superhero strip.” Moreover, superheroes “embody our myths and our self-images, or they fail. And therefore, for maximum effect, they should be us. And it gets harder to be us if you have a vastly different backdrop.” Gillis concludes that “you can play with the tensions all you want (and to good effect), but there’s no solving it. The superhero strip is basically like opera: there’s a contradiction built in to the form itself.”

Last week I referred to opera as an artform in which one must accept the non-naturalistic convention that people sing rather than speak. The superhero genre is similarly founded on nonrealistic conventions, including the idea that superheroes and supervillains possess technology that is unavailable to the common man.

For example, in Alan Moore’s recent series Albion, in which he resurrects characters from comics published by Britain’s IPC Media, the British government has locked up the various heroes and villains, as well as their advanced technology. It is explained that the government considered the technology too valuable to destroy, but too potentially dangerous to make publicly available. So here is Moore abiding by Gillis’s rule without even knowing about it, to ensure that the background of Albion remains an “everyday reality” like our own.

So here’s another defining rule of the superhero genre, and I’d take it even further: a superhero story is typically set in an urban environment on Earth in the 20th or 21st century. Time travel stories and “Elseworlds” sagas that place superheroes in past centuries are by their very nature exceptions to the rule; they are not the normal settings for ongoing superhero series.

One reason that Zorro is not a true superhero is that his stories are set in early 19th century California, and hence are historical romances. Zorro’s time is therefore not our own “everyday reality.” Zorro fits specifically into the tradition of the swashbuckler, a type of adventure hero associated with period settings, like Robin Hood and Captain Blood. There are even elements of Zorro stories which overlap with the Western (the California setting and pursuits by horseback, for example).

Neil Gaiman’s 1602 (see “Comics in Context” #13, 18, 21, 25, 28, 33, 35, 36) transplants familiar Marvel superheroes and supervillains into the early 17th century, and persuasively shows how they could fit into the culture of that period. This is indeed a superhero series, but 1602‘s premise is that 17th century superheroes are anachronisms: the superheroes don’t belong there, and time must be set aright. 1602 thus acknowledges that it is an exception to a rule that is otherwise strict.

The first two volumes of Alan Moore’s League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (see “Comics in Context” #22, 23) are set mainly in late Victorian London, another urban environment which serves as an effective counterpart to the New York (and such fictionalized analogues as Gotham City) in the modern superhero genre. The League has an overall mission (though some members–Mr. Hyde and Griffin, the Invisible Man–don’t have altruistic motives), some (Hyde and Griffin) have actual super-powers (while Captain Nemo has super-advanced technology), and some (Hyde and Griffin, and even Nemo) have codenames and dual identities. None of them wear unusual costumes, although Griffin’s bandages and Hyde’s bestial appearance are sufficiently iconic to count as substitutes. Significantly, Allan Quatermain and Mina Murray, the two core members, who will star in future installments, have neither codenames nor costumes nor superpowers (though they will acquire immortality). Moore intentionally portrays that the Victorian League as a precursor of modern superhero teams. But the League members are not true superheroes, though they are “extraordinary gentlemen” (and an extraordinary lady).

The prime example of a superhero series set in a future time is DC’s Legion of Super-Heroes. Coogan points out that Legion is actually a “cross-genre” series that “blends the superhero and science fiction genres. It is set in the thirtieth century and features futuristic technology, space travel, alien races, other worlds, and a variety of other SF elements. . . . But it is clearly a superhero book” inasmuch as “The characters all have superpowers, wear costumes, have codenames, and the group’s founders sought to emulate. . .Superboy and Supergirl” (p. 52). Coogan might have added that the Legionnaires have an ongoing altruistic mission, and that many of their primary adversaries (such as the Fatal Five and Time Trapper) clearly qualify as supervillains.

These various examples of series demonstrate that determining whether or not a certain character is a superhero may be a complex task. Coogan observes that “specific superheroes can exist who do not fully demonstrate these three elements [mission, powers, and identity], and heroes from other genres may exist who display all three elements to some degree but should not be regarded as superheroes” (pp. 39-40). It may be necessary to examine the context in which the character under examination exists. Coogan states that “If a character basically fits the mission-powers-identity definition, even with significant qualifications, and cannot easily be placed into another genre because of the preponderance of superhero-genre conventions, the character is a superhero” (p. 40). On the other hand, he asserts, “if a character largely fits the MPI qualifications of the definition, but can firmly and sensibly be placed within another genre, then the character is not a superhero. Typically, the identity convention (codename and costume) plays the greatest role of the three elements in helping to rule characters in or out” of the superhero genre (pp. 43-44).

Hence, the “preponderance of superhero genre conventions” makes the Legion a superhero series perhaps more than a science fiction series. But the weakness of the “identity” element in League means its first two volumes are a pastiche of Victorian science fiction, but not a true superhero series.

Since this column is titled “Comics in Context,” it should be no surprise that I quite like the idea of examining the context of a character in the story to determine whether or not he or she is a superhero. As I stated last week, this was the most eye-opening insight I got from Coogan’s book.

For example, Coogan asserts that the Hulk is a superhero without a mission. In the traditional portrayal of the Hulk, he has not dedicated himself to fighting criminals and protecting the innocent: he merely seeks solitude and survival. What happens is that supervillains attack the Hulk, or he inadvertently stumbles across them, so he ends up battling them. Of course, the Hulk qualifies under the Identity and Powers categories. Moreover, Coogan points out, Hulk stories “are suffused with the conventions of the superhero genre: supervillains. . .superhero physics–the transformative power of gamma rays;” a sidekick “—Rick Jones, superteams-the Avengers and the Defenders,” and more (p. 41).

But this poses the interesting dilemma of whether or not The Incredible Hulk live action television series of the 1970s was a true superhero show. There were no supervillains or superteams or sidekicks. Apart from the presence of the Hulk, the series seemed to be set in a thoroughly realistic world. What if we did not know that the Hulk was a lead character in Marvel’s line of superhero comics? Isn’t it possible that viewers of the show who did not read Marvel comics might have considered The Incredible Hulk to be a science fiction series, or even a horror series, since the Hulk is so obviously a variation on Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? Arguably, it was not until the later Hulk TV movies that guest starred Daredevil and Thor that the live action TV Hulk more clearly became a superhero series.

Batman has no actual super-powers, but Coogan observes, he has the Mission and Identity, and “operates in a world brimming with the conventions of the superhero genre,” including supervillains, sidekicks, superteams, and the helpful authority figure, Commissioner Gordon. Here is where my own theory about non-superpowered superheroes comes into play. As I explained last time, Batman has adopted a persona and modus operandi that figuratively cast him as a superhuman being: he is metaphorically a bat in human form.

In the case of the Fantastic Four, they have mission and powers, but Coogan contends that “elements of the identity convention [are] absent or weak” (p. 41): although they have codenames, they do not have secret identities. Coogan concludes that “The secret identity is a typical, but not necessary, convention for the genre” (p. 42). I would say that in the FF’s case, what is important is that the characters have real names and code names that signify the two sides of their lives: they are superheroes as well as people who are members of a family and have to contend with everyday problems. This duality is what is more important than actual secret identities, although a secret identity is often a practical measure necessary to ensure that the superhero can lead an everyday life as “one of us.”

Coogan then provides an extended case study of Marvel’s Luke Cage, alias Power Man, who on first glance seems to be a 1970s-style blaxploitation hero with super-powers. Coogan notes that a superstrong character like Cage “could operate a detective/security agency within a science fiction or horror/SF milieu and not be considered a superhero” (p. 44). But Coogan then demonstrates in detail just why Cage is a true superhero.

Cage has super-powers, and he acquires a code name, “Power Man,” which, as Coogan points out, not only denotes his superpowers, but includes the “racial subtext” of “black power” (p. 47). Oddly, Coogan overlooks the fact that Cage does not have a purely altruistic mission as most superheroes do: as the original title of his series stated, he is a “hero for hire,” a mercenary. Still, by this point, Cage has demonstrated he will not accept unethical assignments, and that he will risk his life to combat evil even when he isn’t being paid to do so.

In Cage’s case Coogan makes an important point perhaps without fully realizing its significance. He observes that “The editors and writers at Marvel Comics took great care to place Luke Cage within the superhero genre by surrounding the character with superhero conventions and foregrounding these conventions” (p. 44). In the first story, a man who witnesses Cage stopping a criminal tells him that he “nailed him like a real super-hero!” Cage then goes to a costume shop where he acquires his familiar outfit. Although it does not look like a conventional superhero costume, Cage thinks of it that way, commenting, “It’s all part of the super-hero scene.” In a later issue Cage even adopts his codename “Power Man” explicitly in order to be taken as seriously as the more traditional superheroes.

All of this suggests to me that another factor in determining whether or not a character is a superhero could be called “declaration of intent.” What Coogan has demonstrated here is that not only the editors and writers of the Luke Cage series, but also Luke Cage the character explicitly stated their intent that Cage would be a superhero.

Reading Coogan’s book, I realized that there are other characters who do not strictly fit his three main criteria for superherodom, but who are unquestionably superheroes. Take Rogue of the X-Men. She has super-powers, and upon joining the X-Men, she accepted their mission (protecting “normal” humans from evil mutants, etc.) as her own. But her “identity” also seems weak. Not until her 2004 limited series, decades after her debut, was Rogue’s real name, Anna Marie, established, and her last name is still a mystery. According to Dictionary.com, her codename “Rogue” can mean “a dishonest, knavish person,” “a playfully mischievous person,” or “a tramp or vagabond.” The first and third definitions fit Rogue at earlier stages of her life, and the second only describes one aspect of her personality. So her codename doesn’t tell you much about her present personality and nothing about her powers.

Her colorful skintight costumes suggest she is in the superhero business, but do not indicate her powers or mission or persona. Often she does not even wear an “X” insignia to denote her membership in the X-Men. (And what kind of insignia could possibly indicate her absorption powers?: A sponge?) She has changed costumes so often that one cannot identify specific colors with her costume as one can with Superman. Rogue’s iconic visual trademark is instead the white streak through her brown hair, but that indicates nothing that makes her a superhero.

Not only does Rogue effectively lack a full “real name,” but she does not truly have a life apart from her role as a member of the X-Men. The personas of the victims of her absorption powers provided Rogue with a kind of alternate identities. Still, Rogue lacks the true sort of dual identity that conventionally characterizes the superhero.

Obviously Rogue, as a super-powered member of the X-Men, is a superhero. But perhaps these inadequacies in “identity” are part of the reason that Rogue remains a supporting character in X-Men, and not a star. Rogue can star in occasional limited series, but not in her own ongoing series as Wolverine does. She is simply not as iconic a character as he is.

In his book Coogan examines a number of characters, such as Adam Strange, the Punisher, and Shang-Chi, to determine whether or not they fall within the definition of superheroes. Inspired by his example, I decided to apply his approach to some other characters, in and out of comic books.

What about DC Comics’ Zatanna? She has a costume, but it’s not a superhero costume. Her top hat, tails, and net stockings comprise a leggy feminine counterpart to the traditional stage magician’s costume. But like a superhero costume, Zatanna’s outfit denotes her biography, powers, and personality: she’s the daughter of a magician, wields magic herself, she’s a performer, and she’s sexy. Over the years there have been attempts to give her a superhero costume, but they’ve failed, in part because they did not convey her identity as well as her magician’s outfit does.

Zatanna’s got powers, but she doesn’t have a codename or dual identity: Zatanna is her actual first name. As for mission, she is altruistic enough to fight alongside the Justice League, but she seems to spend most of her time as a stage performer; she doesn’t patrol cities looking for criminals as Batman and Spider-Man do. So just what makes her a superhero?

I’d say it’s context. Coogan makes the intriguing point that Shang-Chi, the the protagonist of Marvel’s Master of Kung Fu, is “a martial arts hero operating in an older pulp-style universe as the son and enemy of Dr. Fu Manchu” (p. 55). I would add that Master of Kung Fu writer Doug Moench and artist Paul Gulacy updated that “pulp-style universe” into a world resembling that of the James Bond novels. However, Coogan asserts, when Shang-Chi operates as part of the Marvel Knights superhero team, he becomes a superhero. I’m not sure that membership in a superhero team is necessarily sufficient to make Shang-Chi a superhero; he still lacks actual super-powers, a codename, or a superhero-style costume. (Shang-Chi’s outfit is supposed to be traditional Chinese clothing.) But certainly being a member of Marvel Knights puts him in the superhero genre in those stories.

Similarly, though the Punisher wears a costume, complete with chevron, and has a codename, Coogan believes that in his own stories he fits more into the subgenre of vengeful vigilantes that was founded by Don Pendleton’s The Executioner. And it’s true that even though the Punisher usually wears a costume, he has no super-powers and his solo stories usually are comparatively realistic crime stories, minus the exaggerations of the superhero genre. But when the Punisher appears in a superhero series like Daredevil or Spider-Man, Coogan contends that he too becomes a superhero (or, I’d say, a superantihero, or maybe a supervillain). Here I agree. When the Punisher interacts with superheroes, his own costume takes on more importance than it does in his solo stories, since it now marks him as one of the same kind as the likes of Spider-Man. Borrowing a metaphor from his colleague Randy Duncan, Coogan compares Shang-Chi and the Punisher to planetoids that can “get pulled by the gravity of writers and publishers into the superhero genre and out of their own genre systems” (p. 55).

Coogan’s law of gravity applies well to Zatanna. First, Zatanna is the daughter of Zatara, a crimefighting magician from comics’ Golden Age, and who is not a true superhero but a knockoff of the comic strip character Mandrake the Magician. She was created to be Zatara’s younger, female counterpart, so she wasn’t truly conceived as being a superhero. Editor Julius Schwartz and writer Gardner Fox introduced Zatanna as a featured character in various superhero series: Hawkman, The Atom, Green Lantern, Elongated Man, and finally Justice League. She even became a member of the Justice League. So, following Coogan’s rule, Zatanna is a superhero because of the company she keeps. But significantly, Zatanna also functions well in DC’s Vertigo line of titles, not only because her powers are supernatural, but also because her costume is a variation on conventional formal wear, and does not necessarily mark her as a superhero. Hence, Zatanna is a superhero when she’s in a superhero story, but isn’t when she’s in a Vertigo book.

How about the Spirit? His creator, Will Eisner, repeatedly contended that the Spirit was not a superhero. Interviewed in The Jack Kirby Collector #16 (1997), Eisner asserted that “They wanted an heroic character, a costumed character. They asked me if he’d have a costume. And I put a mask on him and said, “˜Yes, he has a costume!’ “ (Superman had debuted only two years before, in 1938, and was an enormous success.) So here is Eisner’s “declaration of intent” NOT to make the Spirit a superhero! But the author’s intent is not necessarily the decisive factor, as far as I’m concerned.

Just giving the Spirit a mask doesn’t necessarily make him a superhero, either; he could be a masked avenger from the pulps, like the Shadow, or radio drama, like the Green Hornet, or even the comics, like the Golden Age Sandman in his original hat, suit and gas mask.

How does Eisner’s Spirit fit Coogan’s three principal criteria? He has mission: the Spirit combats criminals purely for altruistic reasons. He’s not a member of the police force, and he makes no money off crimefighting. (Actually, I’m rather puzzled as to how he supports himself.)

The Spirit also has a secret identity: his real name is Denny Colt. His codename, the Spirit, signifies his origin: seemingly killed by Dr. Cobra’s formula, Colt actually fell into suspended animation and then “returned” to life. One could say that the mysterious “Spirit” is haunting the criminals he pursues. The name “Spirit” might also suggest the character’s commitment to his ideals; he is not in crimefighting for material gain. (It occurs to me that the name “the Spirit” might even have been a knockoff of the name of the Saint, Leslie Charteris’s amateur sleuth who had been appearing in novels since 1928 and films since 1938, again only two years before the Spirit’s debut.)

The Spirit’s costume does not signify his biography, powers, or mission. It’s not a typical superhero costume, anyway: it’s a conventional hat and suit, along with a mask and gloves, all blue, except for his tie, which is usually red.

Ah, but here we can apply Coogan’s observation that a superhero’s costume typically has iconic colors, so that, for example, the combination of red, blue and yellow signify Superman. Isn’t the Spirit’s blue outfit similarly iconic?

The Spirit, of course, lacks super-powers. Moreover, whereas, say, Batman is clearly superior in athletic ability and combat skills to most ordinary people. In contrast, Eisner repeatedly showed the Spirit getting beaten up, as if he were not that much better at fighting than his adversaries.

Nevertheless, the Spirit’s origin story casts him as figuratively superhuman: as noted, he seemingly rises from the dead. Moreover, he continues the ghost motif by making his home underground in Wildwood Cemetery, as if he were an avenging spirit from the hereafter.

Sometimes Eisner even depicts the Spirit as if he somehow has superhuman qualities. In reviewing Eisner’s story “Ten Minutes” about a hapless criminal named Freddy (in “Comics in Context” #68) I wrote, “But then Freddy sees the Spirit approaching in a mirror; the Spirit even calls Freddy by name. How does he know?” How did the Spirit know his name, or where to find him? I concluded, “This is the Spirit as the spirit of nemesis, all-knowing, unrelenting, inescapable.”

Darwyn Cooke’s recent Batman/Spirit comic book surprised me by revealing so many similarities between the two heroes and their series: both have supervillains, secret underground lairs, fatherly authority figures in the police department, urban settings. In other words, Cooke emphasizes that the Spirit’s world has the same “preponderance of superhero-genre conventions” as Batman’s. Indeed (and here I issue a spoiler alert for the remainder of the paragraph), when the Spirit and Batman exchange masked identities towards the story’s end, Cooke makes his thesis plain.

Moreover, the fact that the Spirit does not seem out of place interacting with Batman and his supporting cast of friends and foes may be an example of the “gravitational force” of the superhero genre. Even if the Spirit is not a superhero in Eisner’s stories, perhaps he becomes one when he interacts with Batman.

If Eisner had lived long enough to see Cooke’s Batman/Spirit crossover, it would have been interesting to see how he would have reacted to it. Eisner did not always adamantly deny that the Spirit was a superhero. In the introduction to The Spirit Casebook, Eisner wrote that “The Spirit was for real; he was human, made of flesh and blood and therefore killable,” and yet also asserted that “He was simply a guy who had a perfectly acceptable trade–that of chasing and catching crooks. He was good at it. He got into the superhero business by accident; stumbled into it, you might say.” Just as Eisner perhaps stumbled into realizing that the Spirit is indeed a superhero.

How about the successful new NBC series Heroes, whose title characters all possess superhuman powers? As far as Declaration of Intent goes, the show’s creator, Tim Kring, believes that Heroes is in the superhero genre. But, he told The New York Times (October 30, 2006), he had little knowledge of superhero comics, the prime source of superhero stories. “‘I was not a comic book nerd,’ Mr. Kring said, sipping an iced tea with lemonade in a restaurant near the studio lot here where Heroes is shot. ‘But the truth is that nowadays that world is so pervasive, especially when you have kids, that you go to movies in the summertime and that’s what you see. I didn’t really feel like I had to come from that world.'” (And just why do some people gratuitously insult part of their core audience?)

So Kring taught himself about the superhero genre from film adaptations of comics series, rather than the primary sources themselves. Then it’s not surprising that his understanding of the genre is somewhat flawed. (Nonetheless, I’m amused to discover that the show’s official fan website, 9th Wonders, is done in the style of Stan Lee’s Marvel Bullpen Bulletins pages from the 1960s.)

According to the Times article, Kring believed that “the idea of heroes” was “missing” from today’s world, and “That’s where the notion of superheroes came in, though he had no interest in anybody “˜donning a costume.’ Instead, he said, he wanted to make ordinary people suddenly extraordinary. “ Well, of course, Peter Parker was an “ordinary” person who became “suddenly extraordinary” when he gained the powers of Spider-Man, so in this respect Heroes isn’t different from traditional superhero sagas.

How does Heroes fit Coogan’s three main criteria? Powers, yes. But identity, no. Although the super-powered characters keep their powers secret from the general public, they do not have secret identities, codenames, or costumes. More importantly, they don’t have heroic identities distinct from their everyday selves. Coogan mentions “the exaggeration inherent in the superhero genre” (p. 31). Part of that exaggeration lies in the concept that the adoption of alternate, heroic identities is a reasonable choice in the world of the superhero genre. In the world of Heroes, it seems, it isn’t.

And what about mission? In Heroes some of the title characters are famously out to “Save the cheerleader, save the world,” presumably meaning saving New York City from being blown up, as has been prophesied. But these are only immediate goals. Another example of the larger than life exaggeration in the superhero genre is that the heroes are dedicated to career-long tasks of protecting other people and combatting injustice, at great risk to themselves and without recompense; there aren’t many people in the real world who are this selfless. As far as I know from the episodes I’ve seen, the title characters in Heroes don’t have that sort of ongoing mission as yet.

To my mind, Heroes isn’t truly in the superhero genre; it’s actually a science fiction series. As far as superheroes are concerned, Heroes does not make the list.

Next week I will turn to a particularly controversial question about who’s a superhero and who’s not: what about Buffy? And, for that matter, who’s a supervillain and who’s not?

ADVERTISEMENTS FOR MYSELF
Believe it or not, I have yet another book out. This is the Marvel Vault, from Becker and Mayer, and is a project similar to the Marvel Classic Super Heroes book I previously wrote for the company. Marvel Vault contains a history of Marvel Comics, written by Roy Thomas (who covered up to 1974) and myself (who did the rest), as well as reproductions of rare collectibles from the Golden Age onward. And the book is already in its second printing!

-Copyright 2007 Peter Sanderson

Noctural Admissions: Movie review Smokin’ Aces

Filed under: Columns,Nocturnal Admissions — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:57 am
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Smokin’ Aces has only a 28 per cent approval rating from Rotten Tomatoes and that pisses me off.

Aces poster

Why must every movie I like be reviled? And why must every bad, inept movie be number one at the box office for four weeks in a row?

Even the “positive” reviews at RT are backhanded. “Will not disappoint fans of mayhem and bloody contract killing madmen,” writes another internet reviewer. The consensus derived from all these critiques seems to be that the film starts out wild and crazy, but is sure to wear out the viewer as it gets more and more absurd and out of control. “Overstays its welcome,” is how Variety put it. But I think these reviews have it all wrong. It is at this point of supposed absurdity that Smokin’ Aces actually gets good, as amid the gunplay there is an overpowering sense of sadness as various unorthodox “couples” in the film lose their partners as all those around them are losing their heads.

Aces Gun

Another thing that pisses me off is the phrase Tarantinoesque, which I am always careful to try and use properly. These days the term is used promiscuously for just about any crime film that has young people in it, or that features older stars resurrected for a bit part, or has lengthy sequences of pop culture dialogue, or scenes of gross unexpected violence alternating with clashing black humor, none of which are qualities necessarily invented by Tarantino, by the way. But really, if anything isn’t the film more like Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, making it “¦ Ritchiesque?

Aces Piven

But does the following description sound Tarantinoesque or even Ritchiesque? Many years ago, the FBI took a raw recruit, pretended to kill him, and then altered his face and sent him undercover in order to spy on the mob, where surprisingly he rose to the rank of a Mafia don. Along the way he had an illegitimate son. Named Buddy Israel, the son grew up to become a Las Vegas magician. While working in Vegas he grew friendly with various mobsters. Inspired by their example, Israel embarks on his own life of crime, financing various robberies. But eventually he is cornered by the law, and in order to escape various penalties, he has agreed to rat out his former mentors and his closest advisor among the mobsters. Meanwhile, his biological father suffers in a hospital ward for want of a key organ transplat. Knowing that Israel is about to snitch, the mob leaders agree among themselves that Israel must be killed. Since he is under protective custody in a Lake Tahoe penthouse suite, the mob believe that he is something of an easy target and proceed to acquire a hit squad to assassinate him. Word of the million dollar price on his head leaks out, and freelance hit people and bounty hunters plan to converge on the hotel. The gangsters are reckless, however, and discuss the matter openly on their telephones, within earshot of two FBI surveillance officers.

Aces Reynolds

At this point, the film begins. But the rest of the film is not solely gunplay and black humor with bits of backstory plastered into the cracks. It’s a story that transforms from delirium to dirge as bodies drop, and the expense of loyalty is added up. The film, in fact, is about clashing loyalties, an agency’s to its own versus individual agents to each other, hired killers to each other, bosses to their body guards, men of crime to their underlings. With careful applications of poignant music some of it borrowed from Ennio Morricone, director Joe Carnahan’s film turns elegiac, particularly when focused on the canvas of Ryan Reynolds’s face. He’s one of the two FBI agents listening in on the gangsters and his partner is played by Rat Liotta. The anguish and anger Reynolds evinces in the wake of Liotta’s fate is the point of the movie.

Aces nazi

Yes, Smokin’ Aces is fast paced. It is hectic and multilayered and demands that you keep up. The film is all about transitions as Carnahan links scenes by asking questions in a shot or location that are answered at the start of the next scene. And it has a vast cast that partially includes Ben Affleck, Jason Bateman, Common, Peter Berg, Andy Garcia, Alex Rocco, and Alicia Keys among many others, making the movie one we will probably look upon years hence and say, “Wow, was he in that, too?”

Aces Keys

I don’t know if Smokin’s Aces is a great movie. All I know is that the film surprised me (the trailer is a tad misleading), and that it requires multiple viewings just to begin to digest it. And I also know that like other past films denigrated as mere Tarantino rip offs, such as Way of the Gun, it has a spirit and atmosphere that is increasingly rare in films, an exploration of the glue that holds society together, as manifested in the unspoken loyalty of people to each other and its cost as the society contrives to undermine it.

Trailer Park: Celebrate 3 Years Straight of Trailer Park Columns With Something Zany.

Filed under: Columns,Trailer Park — admin @ 12:10 am

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet.”

–From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Back again.

It’s been a busy time around these parts for a while with all the interviewing I have been doing, Lord knows I need to actually get on the stick to find a new day job that can pay my light bill (One of the perks of unemployment? Watching tons of Arrested Development on my TiVo), but I hope at least some of you found some merit in getting to know a lot of different people in the industry called film.

It’s been a wild month and it actually sums up perfectly about why I have enjoyed my three years here at Quick Stop Entertainment/Poop Shoot. (Yeah, I liked the old name too but after hearing how the moniker hindered access to certain people I’ve now been able to talk to I am now in full agreement with Bill up there.) Gertrude Stein had nothing on Poop Shoot, I will tell you that much.

Some of the greatest developments of my writing career came in 2006 and I have no one to thank more than my wife who has showed her constant support for the Sunday nights I spend working on this column by only asking “So, do you think you’ll actually get paid for this someday?” every once in a while. (Lord knows that having the chance to spend 1:1 time with some of my most inspiring artisans is almost compensation enough. Almost. Really.) Last year rocked my insignificant world fairly hard with everything I did and along with my lady I have to give thanks to every one of you who continue to make me a pit-stop on your Fridays/weekends/whenever you’ve read everything else on the Internet. I hope to continue with the work that has gone on ignored by most every film/entertainment based periodical I have sent samples to (More on that in the coming weeks) and am eager to see what unsuspecting entertainer I can foist my interviewing skills upon in the new year.

I am eager, more than anything else I’ve done in years, to tease next week’s column where I was humbly thankful to speak to one of rock’s alternative contributors in the early 1990’s: Tanya Donelly. From The Throwing Muses, The Breeders, Belly to her own solo work I can’t remember a more satisfying conversation with someone that went on for as long as it did. I initially believed that interviewing musicians would necessitate a different approach than I take with other kinds of people but I am absolutely floored by how well the discussion went; one of the best interviews I’ve ever had the pleasure to participate in, without question. I wouldn’t normally be giving everyone reason to start their plans to avoid my column next week so early but consider this an early Christmas present.

Now, before getting on with this week’s trailers I absolutely had this email with regard to the review I ran about the DREAMGIRLS trailer a few weeks ago. I admired this guy’s passion so much I just had to include it here for your perusal. Enjoy!

Brandon C. writes:

Mr. Stipp,

Although I’m sure (or rather, I hope) I won’t be the first person to inform you of this, Dreamgirls is in no way based upon the story of Destiny’s Child. The film is an adaptation of a successful Broadway musical first staged in 1981, which was inspired by the history of Diana Ross & the Supremes and deals with the assimilation of black artists into the white pop music mainstream (similar to the days of Motown). The film’s script holds closer to its Supremes inspiration than the stage musical, and was not retooled to include any references to Destiny’s Child.

The use of Beyoncé Knowles as the character of Deena Jones (essentially a Diana Ross pastiche) hasn’t much to do with her parallel experience as lead singer of Destiny’s Child, although it is alarming just how similar the Destiny’s Child story is to the Supremes’ story. This plot, and that character, were first presented when Knowles was only a few months old. On top of that, Beyoncé’s Deena character isn’t even the plot’s central figure: Jennifer Hudson’s character Effie is the character with most of the emotional weight and the big solo musical numbers.

I have already seen the film and, while I enjoyed it very much (Hudson does a fine debut, and Eddie Murphy gives his best performance in at least a decade), I don’t assume you’d want to see the film any more after you’ve read all this, as its subject matter doesn’t seem to be within your scope of interests in the first place. I know your review is based upon only the trailer (which isn’t quite an accurate reflection of the actual film), and you’ve probably never heard of Dreamgirls before, but I would at least have assumed you’d heard of Diana Ross and/or the Supremes. For all I know, however, you may have already known all of this (especially after the plethora of media coverage of the film), and you may have just been attempting a comedic dismissal of the film.

Regards,
Brandon C.

P.S. The hairstyle you referenced in your article as a “Jheri curl” is in fact a “conk”: a pompadour created by using lye to straighten an African-American male’s natural hair. A Jheri curl is a different hairstyle altogether (it is what Michael Jackson wore back when he was “Michael Jackson”). Conks were popular up until the late-1960s, while the chemicals used to create the Jheri curl hairstyle weren’t invented until the late 1970s.

Some highlights from my letter back to Brandon:

Brandon,

I wanted to let you know that I really do appreciate your comments on the film proper. Additionally, I wanted to let you know that everything I wrote about what my impressions were of the movie were solely based on 1) the trailer/marketing department’s ability to convey what the movie is about and why I should see it and 2) to point out what a piss poor job they did in getting me excited about this musical.

The column I write on trailers is supposed to point out the absurdity in what companies think is the best way to market a film, there are excellent examples of what I think when they do it right, but when they do it wrong I open up the sarcasm box and just unload on everything and anything I can make fun of.

I am actually a huge fan of musicals. Hugh Jackman’s Oklahoma was a *fantastic* example of theater done right and certainly movies like CHICAGO helped bring musicals back into modern moviegoers’ consciousness when movies like WEST SIDE STORY dazzled as well as made money at the box office. I do plan on watching DREAMGIRLS, just so you know.

So, long story short, I really do appreciate you writing in with your knowledge of the film and the origins of Jheri Curl; that really amazed me you either knew that off the top of your head or that you took the time to check that out.

What I didn’t write back in the response is that his was the real in-depth response to a stance I took on a trailer. It’s amazing that a lot of people just take my opinion at face value for what I think but I am always appreciative when there is a little dissent within the ranks.

Ooo…and what father would I be if I didn’t give a WGCI-old-school shout-out (“Yeah, this is Dawanna from the south side givin’ it up to my mannn, Shaun. Can you play “Rub Me The Right Way” by Johnny Gill….”) if I didn’t say Happy Birthday to my daughter, Ella, who turned 1 today. I happen to love this picture in all its raw natural-ness and it also happens to be one my wife is never too keen on me displaying in public BUT it is my column after all, not hers, so here you go. Happy Birthday, little lady, from dad.

FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER (2007)

Director: Tim Story
Cast:
Jessica Alba, Michael Chiklis, Chris Evans, Ioan Gruffudd, Andre Braugher
Release: June 15, 2007
Synopsis:
Marvel’s first family of superheroes, The Fantastic Four, meets their greatest challenge yet in FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER as the enigmatic, intergalactic herald, The Silver Surfer, comes to Earth to prepare it for destruction. As the Silver Surfer races around the globe wreaking havoc, Reed, Sue, Johnny and Ben must unravel the mystery of the Silver Surfer and confront the surprising return of their mortal enemy, Dr. Doom, before all hope is lost.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Not A Chance. I loved this film when it was called TERMINATOR 2.

Really, have effects not evolved further than this kind of rendering that looks like it was cribbed from James Cameron’s outtakes?

Let me try and cut and slice through what seems to be at issue with the way this trailer is executed. First and foremost, props to the trailer for creating an air of mystery right out of the gate with the mysterious flash entering the Earth’s atmosphere. Even if you don’t know that’s the Silver Surfer it still is fairly exciting with the uncertainty that bodes for the F4.

Now, we pull back a bit, which is a bit jarring, and witness the wedding of Jessica Alba and that dude, with the elastic body, who I don’t know, really don’t know what else he’s been in, being married by Brian Posehn, hopefully he’ll serenade the duo later with a scorching rendition of “Metal by Numbers.”

Now, things, obviously, turn to pot when the mystery blob does a fly-by, close enough to the wedding party, how convenient, and Mr. Guy Who I Don’t Know tells Chris Evans to go check that shit out. I will heartily admit that I have had no love for Chris Evans, I mean, really, am I the only person who hoped that Kim Basinger really would’ve received a bullet or two from Jason Statham, but Chris made F4 #1 watchable; he was genuinely humorous and self-centered, the way Johnny Storm should be played.

Here, again, his quip is just as smart, if not predictable when asked to get his “flame on” while wearing a tux. It’s cheeky. And, just for a moment, I am hopeful that something unique is going to come out of this. I get my hopes up when the camera movement through a series of banks and turns races through skyscrapers of all sizes. It’s a genuinely fluid chase scene but seeing the Surfer plow straight into the side of a building, only to materialize a la T-1000, it’s like I had my nuts slapped by Andre The Giant; it hurts.

The dogfight through a tunnel looks awfully animated and I don’t mean that in a cheerful exuberance sort of way, either. You can see the camera is blatenly sped-up as the two sliders and divers jockey for pole position over one another. The Surfer is further shown in all of his liquid metal glory, I am now convinced they got a cut rate on the software that can render anything to look like shimmering metal, T-2 is 15 years old so they MUST have got a screaming deal.

I’m not really sure whether this application of an old technology really gets me going like I thought it would when the mere mention of The Silver Surfer in a movie, for me anyway, in the 1989 classic HOW I GOT INTO COLLEGE got me kind of excited to think of how this could have been only to figure out in 2007 that it could have looked like it does way back in 1991.

Of course, T-2 didn’t ride a metallic surfboard that could have been used to asphyxiate his opponents into submission and I have to admit that does look like one advantage I’ve never pondered until Mr. Evans is led away from the ground and is allowed to free fall after he’s properly extinguished. We could have a movie here, people, if Evans is allowed to die but since this IS a franchise, don’t let your banker tell you otherwise, I am sure there is some explanation as to why his head didn’t explode from the compression and lack of oxygen.

One can dream, though”¦

EVAN ALMIGHTY (2007)

Director: Tom Shadyac
Cast: Steve Carell, Morgan Freeman, Lauren Graham, John Goodman, John Michael Higgins, Wanda Sykes, Jonah Hill, Johnny Simmons, Jimmy Bennett, Graham Phillips
Release: June 22, 2007
Synopsis: The last time we saw Evan Baxter (Steve Carell), he was being tormented by rival Bruce Nolan onscreen, live from their Buffalo TV station. But as time passed and Evan has made up with Bruce, he’s gone onto bigger and better things. Newly elected to Washington D.C. as a congressman, Evan has left Buffalo, New York in pursuit of a greater calling. But that calling isn’t serving in the illustrious ranks of America’s politics, but being summoned by the Almighty himself (Morgan Freeman), who has handed Evan the task of building a new ark, much as Noah did before. With time passing by and his family belittled by Evan’s newfound realization, Evan will have to do the work that God has given him in what promises to be an unusual adventure for a man who just wanted to serve his country, might actually be serving humanity.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Nope. You know those movies where you start off with a bias and then by end you’re completely amazed that you honestly were won over by a singular performance?

As you may have guessed, yeah, this isn’t one of them.

I just haven’t been able to jump on the Steve Carell bandwagon or become a member of the He Can Do No Wrong superfan club and I don’t think it’s because there’s isn’t anything to like about him. He seems like a genuinely funny dude to a lot of people but sometimes comedy is like a musk given off by some people and I just do not like the funk he leaves in my nose. The Office, ANCHORMAN, everything just ricochets off my funny bone like high velocity dodge balls. Unfortunately, even this teaser trailer misses the mark with me.

“Throughout history the Almighty has appeared unto a very few”¦”

I am, as well, taking this thing to task for the idiotic presentation. Is there no other way to start a comedy trailer than getting that one Voiceover Guy to try and secretly give us his verbal left hook as we stare at his other curled fist, telling us of noble people who God has supposedly “talked” to personally. Flashes of Moses, Abraham, Joan of Arc and even Bruce flash by, too bad they didn’t have the low hanging balls to mention Muhammad, but we’re all waiting to see it, waiting, waiting, waiting and then, Steve pops up on the screen doing that tongue thing that my father thought was piss-your-pants hilarious from BRUCE ALMIGHTY.

Cue Norman Greenbaum’s “Spirit In the Sky.”

So, we’re supposed to believe that God has chosen Steve Carell, I would too if I saw what Jim Carrey would’ve demanded to be paid, and I guess it’s appropriate enough that this is the sweetest middle finger Universal could’ve ever given anyone but the slapstick here doesn’t seem funny.

“Are you starting a Bee Gees tribute band?”

Steve knows how to flop around in ways the Three Stooges would’ve been proud of but if this is supposed to be the costliest comedy in movie history I don’t see how Wanda Sykes, the greatest go-to comedienne that any studio could’ve asked for, she seems to be in so many movies as the brash loudmouth it almost appears to be scrawled on her resume as that’s the only part she ever plays, delivers the best line in this trailer.

Even John Michael Higgins has a tough time with even making me grin. I don’t know if this due to the crap line he delivers or the poor choice of scene to display how he can really deliver but I’m disappointed.

The disappointment only continues further by the end when Steve is trying to explain to his wife that the boat he’s been asked to build how it’s going to come in handy. Mumbling that it would be great to put on a lake or, as he sticks in “in case it floods or something” does not a joke make.

I’m trying here, I really am. A lot of you have made The Office something for NBC to hang their hat on and Steve has really become the “It” jokester as of late but I just can’t see it. This trailer certainly doesn’t help.

NORBIT (2007)

Director: Brian Robbins
Cast:
Eddie Murphy, Thandie Newton, Eddie Griffin, Terry Crews, Clifton Powell, Cuba Gooding, Jr.
Release: February 9, 2007
Synopsis: Norbit (Eddie Murphy) has never had it easy. As a baby, he was abandoned on the steps of a Chinese restaurant/orphanage and raised by Mr. Wong (Eddie Murphy). Things get worse when he’s forced into marriage by the mean, junk food-chugging queen, Rasputia (Eddie Murphy). Just when Norbit’s hanging by his last thread, his childhood sweetheart, Kate (Thandie Newton), moves back to town. In the comedy “Norbit,” he’ll show them all that nice guys sometimes finish first.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Not Even Close. What the hell happened to Eddie Murphy?

I mean, seriously, I don’t like to seem I am just echoing what everyone else already knows but is dressing up like fat people the only way for him to really stretch his comedic reach? I know he probably made a lot of coin for his DADDY DAY CARE and that THE NUTTY PROFESSOR has bankrolled any other transvestite proclivities he may want to indulge in by offering this segment of the population rides to nowhere in particular, that is if you believe what the Globe and National Enquirer have reported. But, where is the Eddie Murphy that made DELIRIOUS or RAW?

He’s gone and we have this pod person taking his place: an unfunny shill who’s on par with Tim Allen as the king and drag queen of crap film fare.

That all said, however, it’s important to be impartial and as we open up I am all sorts of available to accept that there might be a funny or two in here. As we quickly go through Eddie’s history as a youth who is ditched out of a car, picked up by a Chinese proprietor of a restaurant/orphanage, yeah, real funny those writers are, I did laugh when Eddie’s younger self plays with a little duck only to have it taken away. It dies on the chopping block, the head tumbling down to his feet as he’s told to play with that instead.

He’s then playing in the sandbox, some ruffians destroying what he built, only to have a very large girl take the twin attackers to task for doing so. She forces him to be his girlfriend as Peter Gabriel’s “Big Time” chimes in.

I get it. The fat angle is where we’re going with this, right?

Yeah, it is. For those needing some inclination of what this movie really is I can tell you just by seeing the first split screen: think of this flick as the unholy union of the unfunny parts of BOWFINGER and the gelatinous make-up that made the NUTTY PROFESSOR such a hit around the world.

We’re then treated to Eddie’s fat woman character as she’s lounging in her bikini, yeah, it’s that bad, talking to her friend about how she’s all sorts of sexual as we’re treated to Eddie getting body slammed into his bed by his airborne lover, crushing their bed every single time. I don’t know whether to laugh or be afraid.

The fat joke is then taken a notch higher as we’re treated to a rendition of the Pussycat Dolls’ “Don’t Cha” as Eddie’s fat lady hand washes a car and her plump make-up breasts push their way onto the car’s windshield. I guess it’s supposed to be funny.

I did enjoy watching the She Eddie picking up her gut when asked at the entrance of a water park if she’s wearing bottoms; you get a full-on look that confirms, yes, she/he is. I don’t know whether I need to be disgusted or find it horrifying. I settled on disgusted.

The sing-along at the very end of this trailer seems quite unnecessary to why I would want to pay to see this but, I guess, this whole trailer seems like a fair warning of what’s to come than anything else.

Sigh. Eddie, we hardly knew ye.

DAS LEBEN DER ANDEREEN, THE LIVES OF OTHERS (2006)

Director: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
Cast: Martina Gedeck, Ulrich Mühe, Sebastian Koch
Release: February 9, 2007 (Limited)
Synopsis: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck’s movie debut focuses on the horrifying, sometimes unintentionally funny system of observation in the former East Germany. In the early 1980s, the successful dramatist Georg Dreyman and his longtime companion Christa-Maria Sieland, a popular actress, are big intellectual stars in the socialist state, although they secretly don’t always think loyal to the party line. One day, the Minister of Culture becomes interested in Christa, so the secret service agent Wiesler is instructed to observe and sound out the couple, but their life fascinates him more and more…

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Very Positive. I need to see this film.

Sure, there seems to be a little similarity between what happened with that island girl and Tom Cruise in THE FIRM, if you ask me he was probably really disinterested from what I could tell talking to people in the know, but, beyond that, this is pure electricity.

The only thing I really knew about what was going on in East Germany versus what was happening in West Germany is only what my media told me. It was all Communism, totalitarianism, oppression, repression and every other evil ““ssion you can link into a sentence. What leaped out at me, then, was not the awards that this film has won, and they’re especially well-placed, but the color palate and weight of the images that follows the initial moments of this trailer.

If I am able to say it I would mention that the whole feel of this movie is like an onomatopoeia for what it was like in East Germany. The manhandling of an individual, no doubt the Stasi who took a page from Adolf Hitlers’s Book of Fashion and How To Look Good While Killing Fellow Countrymen, and the score that ripples right below the action on the screen is haunting.

We get a few good words about what the police there were really in the business of doing, and it certainly helps those of us trying to determine to see this foreign flick whether it’s worth our time, and it nicely leads us to the crux of what this film is about in a way. Sure, we don’t know particulars but we know our protagonist is a playwright who has a hottie for a lady and the Stasi want then bugged, wired and everything else that help them delve into their lives.

So, events are in motion: the man is followed, you have a perv on the other line who is drinking in these stranger’s private moments and we get a few well-chosen blurbs from the American media about why this film stands out against the rest.

I think it’s also worth noting that the use of subtitles in the trailer is a bold choice; I, for one, do not have a problem with it but it certainly defines itself as a foreign language movie and hopefully prevents some dope from going and thinking it’s all in English.

What intrigues me more about this film is that one of the listeners on the other end of this surveillance campaign seems genuinely moved by what he’s hearing and learning. A lot more is going on underneath the surface of some police officials wanting to keep tabs on a anti-government dissident but there’s the sense this movie is a dramatic piece wrapped up in a cat-and-mouse game. One of the last that would happen before the East Germans figured out what the rest of us already knew: oppression of a population can only last so long before change comes. Too bad North Korea, Turkmenistan and a lot of other Central Asian nation-states haven’t figured this out but a movie like this one could illustrate the absurdity of how futile it is to try and keep rose colored glasses on their society.

QSE News: 2/2/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:05 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgAuthor J.K. Rowling has set a date for the last installment of her insanely popular series of Harry Potter books. The final book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, will hit stores on July 21. Rowling has refused to say whether or not Harry Potter will die in the final book, but QSE has learned that Lord Voldemort will reveal that he is Harry’s father, fuzzy little bears will help Harry and his friends defeat an evil army and the Death Star will finally be destroyed.
  • Daniel Radcliffe, the titular star of the Harry Potter movie franchise, has caused quite a stir in his native England by posing for nude pictures, with a horse no less, to promote the upcoming play, Equus.  It appears that many fans aren’t shocked so much by the pictures themselves, but rather by the size of “Harry’s wand.”
  • Contrary to rumors that circulated around the internet yesterday, singer Courtney Love will not be replacing Paula Abdul on American Idol. When asked for comment, Love said that she was not intending to join the TV show as it would greatly interfere with her scheduled tour of rehab clinics across the United States.
  • It appears that there is a good reason a sex scene between Sienna Miller and Hayden Christensen in the new movie Factory Girl looks real… apparently it was.  According to an “inside-her” on the set, the couple really engaged in some on-camera coitus.  The unnamed source backed up this assertion by adding, “C’mon… we’ve all seen Hayden act.  There is NO WAY he could be THAT convincing otherwise.”
  • A new report from the New England Journal of Medicine shows that lavender and tea tree oils can cause enlarged breasts in young boys.  The link between the oils and the hormonal condition was discovered after singer/amateur proctologist Michael Jackson was caught purchasing large quantities of Lavender-scented soaps and shampoos.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 2/2/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:01 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Remember the remix contest we did a few month’s back for Jonathan Coulton‘s “Code Monkey”? Well, here’s the winner, bringing her uke on stage and dueting with Mr. Coulton at a recent live gig in NY… (Thingamabob)
  • And also joining him for “Tom Cruise Crazy”… (Thingamabob)
  • So, wearing an electric dog collar around your neck and deciding to test it is probably not the act of a smart man… (Thingamabob)
  • An “homage” (read: rotoscoped aimation) of the classic Gene Kelly/Jerry the Mouse dance sequence, with Stewie Griffen… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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