FRED Entertainment

August 6, 2008

Party Favors: Paging Dr. Drew

Filed under: Joe Corey's Party Favors — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:57 am

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BEVERLY HILLS – Dr. Drew Pinsky needs his medical license revoked.

This man has no business being in the detox business since he obviously hasn’t a clue what needs to be done with star patients. Andy Dick gets busted for sexually assaulting two teenage girls and possessing drugs. What’s his punishment? Dr. Drew wants to check the former star of Newsradio into his latest VH1 series: Sober Living.

Dr. Drew has gone from being a medical professional to the P.T. Barnum of celebrity trainwrecks. Is Jeff Conaway cured? Or is he merely ready to star in the latest Dr. Drew salvation series? This guy makes Dr. Phil look legit.

Does Dr. Drew understand what these people aren’t addicted merely to booze, pills and teenage hookers. They are addicted to seeing their reflection in camera lenses. They are addicted to flashbulbs. They are addicted to the notion that their lives are 24-7 TV shows. They think that all their outrageous actions can be forgiven because they are the star of a show. They’re just that wacky character adding life to a dull “average” reality and it’s in the script.

Nothing reinforces the “my life is a TV show” syndrome than round the clock camera crews covering your every visit to the bathroom. Dr. Drew tore into Conaway’s girlfriend for supposedly smuggling drugs into his elite rehab center. But Conaway indulged in a substance worse than sugar coated crack: videotape. He nodded back to the sets of Grease and Taxi when the warmth of a wireless microphone pack snugged against his ass. It’s like heroin to a washed up actor. You appeal to their distorted sense of reality by letting them know that it is news when they take a dump cause there’s two cameras and a boom mic following them into the toilet.

Can you cure narcissism with gilded mirrors?

Andy Dick won’t get any real help from enrolling in this program. He’ll get help fattening up his resume thanks to Dr. Drew. This will look great next to him judging on Comedy Central’s The Gong Show.

If Dr. Drew is smart, he’ll understand that Andy Dick is beyond help. He’s a lost cause. How many chances has this guy had to clean up his act? How many big star friends have sought to dry up their pal? How many times has he screwed them over? He’s going to play it up for the cameras to make us view him as this hurt little boy. But it’s all going to be an act. Look at his eyes in his most recent mugshot: He’s evil. Putting him on a TV show will only encourage his outrageous ways. He shall merely contribute to the show’s narrative instead of get himself straightened out. He’ll care more about getting screen time than sobriety. He’ll be drunk on boom microphones.

If any stars truly want to clean up their acts, they’ll forget Dr. Drew and check themselves into The Party Favors Rehab Center and Hardcore Fighting Academy. Andy Dick needs his clock cleaned before he can clean up his life. But Dr. Drew is only going to milk him for precious ratings points. Perhaps Dr. Drew needs to confess that he’s a video junky? Physician detox yourself.

As of this moment, Neil Patrick Harris has more right to convey medical knowledge on TV than Dr. Drew.

BOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG

After two episodes of Comedy Central’s The Gong Show, it’s safe to declare that the people who revived the classic gameshow never actually watched it. It’s a pathetic mess. While the show should be seen as the anti-America’s Got Talent, it’s pretty much on par with the network schmaltz show minus the power of David Hassellhoff.

The Gong Show set is dreary. There was a classless glitz to the original Gong Show. It had shiny parts to distract. The new place just seems like they stole parts of the sets from Mind of Mencia. The judges look like they’re stuck in a dentist’s lobby. The gong fades into the background. Make it pop, people!

The acts presented were rather painful. Shoving a needle through your arm is so Jim Rose from a decade ago. A woman singing about her wet shaved pussy while holding a bald cat is cute, but predictable. The hula hoop girl was interesting, but really worth winning?

The only good part of the show is Dave Attell. The former host of Insomniac displays a little bit of Chuck Barris’ charm as he bridges between the acts and the judges. But even he seems lost on this undeveloped revival. He has that “is it over yet” stare when sneaking off the stage. He also needs clothes that weren’t stolen from Don Johnson’s wardrobe from the fifth season of Miami Vice.

There’s a chance for the show to work, but at they need to quit casting it with Howard Stern style acts. Wasn’t Queen Laqueefah already rated by Beetlejuice? You have to mix the innocent with the bizarre before sliding us the grotesque.

HE’S DEAD, JIM

Looks like CBS is completely giving up on Swingtown by moving it to Friday nights. If the network really cared about the show they would have changed the title to CSI: Swingtown. Each week the crack crew would have to piece together how different swinger met their fate. Plus tawdry lust moments at the lab to fill in the gaps. This short series better come out on DVD in time for Christmas. It’s the perfect gift to give your neighbors you want to hump.

KING OF BLAHS

How pathetic is it that Budweiser has been bought by InBev? The home of the Clydesdales has been snagged by a beer company based in Sproutland and operated by guys who enjoy picking up transsexuals after soccer matches. Rumors are already swirling that the new owners want to streamline the company. People will be fired shortly after Ms. Bud signs over her shares. What’s worse is the fear they’ll be dumping the amusement park arm that includes SeaWorld, Busch Gardens and Sesame Place.

They’re going to kick Elmo to the curb!

You won’t see me yelling for a boycott of Budweiser beers. Why? Because I’ve done my best to avoid Budweiser ever since they destroyed my once beloved Rolling Rock. Those rat bastards in St. Louis decided that the precious horsehead concoction blessed by the fine waters of Latrobe, Pennsylvania could be slopped out in Newark, New Jersey. That means when you now drink a Rolling Rock, you could be sipping the decaying flesh of Big Pussy.

I’d rather drink a liquidized urinal cake than sniff the “King of Beers.” Thankfully around here the better bars do carry Yuengling on draft.

It’ll be sweet music a few years from now when the folks who once ran Budweiser complain about how InBev screwed them and ruined their brewery. Who knew karma could have such a frothy head?

DVD SHELF

Cocaine Cowboys 2: Hustlin’ with the Godmother reminds us of the dangers from being a pen pal. Charles Cosby was a street hustler in Oakland when he wrote a fan letter to Griselda Blanco. She had recently been locked up in a nearby women’s prison after causing the bloody cocaine wars in Miami. Instead of merely getting an autographed headshot, the Godmother wrote him back a love letter. This relationship changes Cosby’s life. He visits her in jail and she sets him up with his own cocaine connection. He quickly becomes her lover and legs. She has him going all over the country to keep the white powder flowing. However he quickly learns that she’s not a really good girlfriend since she killed her last three husbands. What’s a street hustler to do with such a woman?

Director Billy Corben and his crew from Cocaine Cowboys illustrate the interviews with the dealers, hustlers, lawyers and cops with limited animation. The best cartoon moment is when Cosby explains how a Federal case was completely derailed by secretaries with severe cases of Jungle Fever. It’s like a scene from Heavy Metal. If you enjoyed the original documentary, you’ll be more than enraptured by this West coast tale of love and blow.

The Executioner’s Song: The Director’s Cut tells the story of Gary Gilmore, a homicidal guy who was executed by firing squad in Utah. He fought to keep others from preventing his execution. This was a movie of the week, but it had more talent on both side of the camera than most Tori Spelling epics. A very young Tommy Lee Jones plays Gilmore. Rosanna Arquette is his girlfriend. Christine Lahti and Eli Wallach (Babydoll) also beef up the acting. Oscar winning cinematography Freddie Francis (Glory) and editors Tom Rolf (The Right Stuff) and Richard A. Harris (Titanic) makes this film look and feel like a theatrical feature film. The director’s cut is 135 minutes so it’s tighter than what ran on two nights back in 1982.

Surfwise is about how Dr. Dorian Paskowitz skipped the straight world and lived by the waves. He and his wife raised their eight sons and a daughter inside a camper for nearly two decades. They traveled randomly across the country living in pure poverty. The kids remember how they didn’t have enough clothing for all the kids to be dressed at once. They become legendary for their surfing lifestyle. While the film demonstrates a blissful vision of Doc, we discover that the Paskowitz family resembled The Jacksons on the waves. When the kids finally get old enough to leave the camper, they quickly discover they aren’t ready for the world of humans with their lack of education. How will they survive? This is an amazing documentary with an emotional roller coaster of events.

Family Ties: The Fourth Season takes the Keaton clan to England. They have the entire movie of the week with Alex going to Oxford. He gets tangled up with a spy ring. It’s also an important season for Michael J. Keaton since his future wife Tracy Pollan plays his girlfriend. Alex actually finds a woman that can hang with is neo-con ways. This is also the season when Nick (Scott Valentine) shows up to date Mallory. My brother once worked on a Corman film with Valentine. He didn’t mind it if you called him Nick by accident. Only three more seasons left.

Star Trek The Original Series – The Complete Second Season (Remastered) brings you the recent Hi-Def version of the Kirk and Spock era show. This time you don’t have the HD-DVD on the flipper discs. The big thing is that they replaced a lot of the old spaceship models with CGI action. It’s a much cleaner frame than old optical effects. If you love “The Troubles with Tribbles,” you’ll over dose on the fuzzy wonders. They include the episodes from Star Trek: The Animated Series and Deep Space Nine. Plus plenty of Tribble bonus features. They overrun the boxset. The 26 episodes look much better than the transfers used on the previous season sets.

The Boston Strangler: The Untold Story takes us back to the murder spree that inspired the Rolling Stone’s Midnight Rambler. David Faustino is Albert De Salvo. That’s right, Bud Bundy is the Boston Strangler. Or is he? The film wants us to believe that De Salvo merely confessed to crimes he didn’t commit. It’s an interesting take on the true crime. Corin Nemec from Parker Lewis Can’t Lose plays Stuart Whitmore.

Love Boat: Season One, Volume 2 is my truly guilty pleasure. This collection can be summed up in one word: Hambone!!! This has the episode where Scatman Crothers brought Hambone mania to my bus stop. Kids stopped worrying about doing the hustle and tried to slap their hands with Hambone action. Scatman was at the top of his game with Hong Kong Phooey and The Shining making him a superstar. But when he whipped out the Hambone to show Doc, Julie and Issac, he became a music sensation like Andy Gibb. You get the final TV performance of Bob Crane as he plays a disgraced ex-captain reduced to being staff on the Pacific Princess. Plus Frankie and Annette appear, although in different episodes.

Dexter: The Complete Second Season keeps up the bloody goodness on Showtime. Michael C. Hall is perfect as the serial killer who works on the Miami Police force. This new batch has him become the target of an FBI profiler played by Keith Carradine. Things get complicated when the profiler works his mojo on Dexter’s sister. Can Dexter quit his sinister urge to keep from being busted? He enters a 12 step program although he doesn’t quite tell the folks in the room his real trouble. This is one of my favorite shows on TV.

Perry Mason Season 3, Volume 1 brings another dozen cases to your DVD player. Another dozen chances for Perry to beatdown foolish prosecutors. This is still the gold mark for legal series. He knew how to discover those special clues that made his client innocent in the eyes of the jury. My favorite file is “The Case of the Garrulous Gambler.” A guy gets angry during a Poker game and cold cocks a player. He’s told that he killed the guy and the other players bribe him to keep quiet. Things go extra bad when the ring leader turns up dead. Did the gambler decide to double down on homicide? This is perfect viewing for those glued to the World Series of Poker on ESPN.

Nightmare Before Christmas is getting the Blu-ray love with plenty of time before Halloween or Christmas. You can have this before the Jerry Lewis’ Labor Day Telethon for Muscular Dystrophy. The bonus feature that excites me the most is “What’s This? Jack’s Haunted Mansion Holiday Tour.” See what the folks at Disneyland did to give the classic Haunted Mansion a little Tim Burton action. Dana Snyder should approve of this. They also include the “Frankenweenie” and “Vincent” shorts made by Burton during his early Disney days.

Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds: The 3-D Movie is a title as long as the film. There’s only one major question: How can this 3-D technology be applied to Christina Hendricks’ scenes on Mad Men? There is only one reason to care about this film – cause your ten year old niece is going to pester you until Christmas if you don’t get it for them. Is it wrong that I kept thinking the Naked Brothers Band were the same as the Jonas Brothers? Disney just keeps cranking out the music. I can’t really call it noise since my childhood consisted of being crazy for Einstürzende Neubauten. Blixa was such a tricky fellow although he didn’t swap identity like Hannah and Miley.

Dave’s World: The First Season is a conflicted show for me. The series turned the life of newspaper columnist Dave Berry into a sitcom. I hate Dave Berry’s writing. He’s such a simp. He makes Larry King’s column look cutting edge. But they cast Harry Anderson (Night Court) as Dave. He does great geek magic. How could they do this? They turned Shadow Stevens into his friend. Shadoe is best known for taking America’s Top 40 away from Casey Kasem. This show still plays like a light version of Roseanne. Fans of the series need to know that Southside Johnny’s cover of Billy Joel’s “You May Be Right” has been removed as the theme song.

Caroline in the City: The First Season should not be confused with Sex In the City. Lea Thompson seems to be the lady who writes the Cathy comic strip. She’s got the boyfriend problems while she’s working her career as an cartoon artist. The best reason to watch is Amy Pietz. She’s the hot friend who has to look more screwed up than Lea. She discovers her life keeps popping up in Caroline’s work. What a thief.

Be Kind Rewind is a major mess of a movie. When I first saw the trailer, I thought the VHS rental store was from 1998 when DVDs hadn’t truly taken over the market. But then as they scan the shelves, there’s a copy of Harold and Kumar Go to the White Castle. That VHS came out in January of 2005. The tape cost more than the DVD. Danny Glover isn’t saving cash by refusing to swap his store over to digital. This guy’s business deserves to get shut down. I predict box office gold for a movie called, Jack Black Gets Beaten Senseless.

Muhammad Ali: Made In Miami covers how the city transformed the Gold medal Olympian into the Heavyweight champion of the world. The PBS documentary provides plenty of vintage footage and photos of Ali during the early ’60s. He was a boxing champ knew how to charm the camera and reporters. On the Jack Paar Show, Ali meets his match in the clench of Liberace. They even collaborate on a musical moment. Can today’s boxing belt holders can hold their own against Randy Newman? He clowns around with the Beatles for a photo shoot. Ali talks about how pro wrestler Gorgeous George influenced his attitude. The documentary does a great job of balancing the rise of the boxer and the sunshine capital. It’s a perfect prequel to When We Were Kings.

SMOKING ROOM

Bill Gates and Michael Bloomberg are going to spend $500 million dollars to stop people from smoking all over the world. Here’s a suggestion: Give me the $500 million dollars.

Why do I deserve half a billion bucks? Cause I don’t smoke. Do Gates and Bloomberg realize that for decades, we’ve grown up with warnings about the dangers of smoking? The side of cigarette packs should be enough to scare a sane person from picking up
the habit. The Surgeon General deathly diagnosis doesn’t spook a soul. People still smoke. Smart people who know better still smoke.

The Insider was considered a great anti-smoking film. People chain smoked on that set. They knew the hard truth of what they were sucking down in the dangerous cigarettes, but refused to snuff out their smokes. They might as well had wasted their time filming Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man Meet Joe Camel. Congress killed Joe Camel and kids still love to smoke. Did you know that monkeys, chimps and apes love to smoke?

Gates and Bloomberg are burning their cash if they think their Great Butt Out of 2009 will cause those Xtreme Redbull Kiddies to see the error of their ways. At minimum Gates and Bloomberg should give me a million bucks for coming up with the name “Great Butt Out” as way to connect with the snowboarders around the world. Donnie Deutsch doesn’t give out big ideas like that for free.

The sad part is that Cigarette manufacturers seem to be the only American businesses that haven’t been bought out by foreigners. Gates and Bloomberg want to put fine people of Richmond and Winston-Salem onto the free cheese line. They want to snuff out the dreams of Americans. Why destroy the one good thing that’s working in this snafu economy? They need to give one American the simple dream of half a billion dollars. Call now. My operator is waiting.

Comics & Comics: Stoner-Vision

Filed under: Comics and Comics — admin @ 3:26 am

COMics & Comics 31208- lOGO

Howdy Inter-Webbers. I’m Matt Cohen, and I dig pot comedies.

Without getting into too much personal information, I am kinda the target audience for these things. I grew up on a steady stream of Cheech and Chong, Dazed and Confused and Half Baked. I consider myself a fairly discerning judge on what makes a successful stoner comedy and, as of late, have been a bit disheartened at the industry’s seeming disinterest in the genre as a whole. Blame it on the conservative tide that sweeps the nation, blame it on fundamental ideals or hell, blame it on moviegoing tastes, but the last decade or so has been pretty light on good old fashioned pot comedies.

That is one of the reasons I was so excited for the release of Pineapple Express, starring Seth Rogen and James Franco – the film many (including myself) thought may be the return to the classic stoner comedies we all know and love. Unfortunately, though it’s funny, it is far from A) The new classic stoner movie, or B) that good a movie in general. Yes, there are intermittent laughs throughout, but the overall movie just comes off as kind of awkward and sloppy, like it’s seven different movies forced into one. James Franco’s pot dealer Saul, however, takes this movie from the realm of “skip it” to the side of giving it a try. You are not going to want your money back, but I certainly can’t see anyone claiming this as the funniest film of the summer. Pineapple Express may be too different for its own good, which coming from me is near shocking to hear. But before I go giving a recommendation, let’s get into some more specific thoughts, shall we kids?

And, as always, I’m lazy, you’re lazy… Bullet List time!

Pineapple Express

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Good Vibes:

James Franco: The funniest and possibly most redeeming factor of the entire film. I’ve never seen Freaks and Geeks, so my only exposure to Franco here-to-fore has been as Harry Osborn in the Spider-Man flicks, and while he hasn’t been horrible, his performance in those had not impressed me in the least. And then I met Saul. Franco’s character in Pineapple Express is easily one of the best on-screen stoners of all time and one of the most complete performances I’ve seen in a while. No, this isn’t high drama, but the amount of dedication and fine-tuned nuance to Saul in the movie is pretty damn astounding. Franco is gone the moment this film starts and Saul exists as a wholly new person. I caught no glimpses of Harry Osborne here, and though my lack of Franco- viewings may be coloring my judgement, Franco COMPLETELY descends into the character here. Saul, for all purposes, is a real person. A real funny one, at that. His reaction times, his facial quirks – this is kind of a tour-de force of a performance, if you ask me, and one that elevates a mildly funny film into something watchable, if only for the work that Franco turns in. People who have seen the film are saying it lacks a likable character, but c’mon… How could you not like a guy that quotes 227 ? And just so I don’t forget, Seth Rogen is Seth Rogen in this film – He’s fine, if not good. But he is definitely overshadowed by the performance of James Franco.

The Look: With all said and done, David Gordon Green (with help from DP Tim Orr) has delivered the best looking Apatow film to date. Pineapple Express is chock full of gorgeous wide shots, something you rarely if ever see in a mainstream comedy. The entire look has a slightly washed out/70’s feel to it, which is definitely abetted by the odd, if not vibrant, color palette of the film. There are a few shots in particular that really made me sit back and take notice (the weed sale/dance off is a beautiful freaking shot), zoning out on the comedy and into the visuals, something which doesn’t necessarily help the overall enjoyment of the film. In fact, many times the shot overshadows the context on the screen, but that is more a fault of the writers (Rogen and Evan Goldberg) than it is the filmmakers.

Danny McBride: Though I have basically been told I MUST be a fan of this man’s work, I am. I find him ridiculously funny. I really enjoyed Foot Fist Way, and there is more of the same quality laughs here in Pineapple Express. His character, Red, starts out so unlikable, and has such a turn of face, that by the last scene of the movie he was my favorite by far. There is such an innocence and simplicity to McBride’s performance, and it’s ’cause of that that Red, though unsavory in some aspects of his personality, is so damn appealing by the finale. The last scene of the film may be my favorite, and that’s because it’s really the first time McBride, Rogen, and Franco get to be flat out funny, with no pretenses of plot or deeper matter. And it’s in that scene that I think McBride certainly steals the conversation and almost the whole movie. It’s sad to say, but I kinda now wish the two leads of this film were Mcbride and Franco. I am a gigantic fan of Rogen, but in this film his Dale is just to boring and flat out dicky to be anyone I would root for or care about. Red, on the other hand, I would want to see in a spin off. McBride is definitely a comedian to look out for, and his work in Pineapple Express further cements that claim.

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Bad Trips:

The Action: Scattershot. Look, I wasn’t expecting director David Gordon Green to shoot a fight scene like John Woo, but the camera placement and editing of the action pieces in Pineapple Express is so basic and barebones that I can’t even remember one that particularly stood out as “Fun”. The gunfights are extremely sloppy – and it may just be me, but actual sound effects on the guns sounded like air pistols. I was all for the concept of genre melding, but when you don’t treat the respective genres with the respect they deserve, you wind up with half a film that just doesn’t fit with the rest. Unfortunately, that is the case with Pineapple Express.

The Violence: If you were to look at my DVD collection, you might be afraid as to the makeup of my mind, but fear not – though I like really dark movies, I’m a fairly happy dude. That being said, I do like violence in movies. Gratuitous, even. And that is why I am so surprised at my utter dismissal of the violent aspects of Pineapple Express. Early viewers said that the “gore” took them out of the film and made them uncomfortable. I don’t feel the same way. Rather, the random violence in the movie frustrated me more then anything else. “Why?” is the question I found myself constantly asking. I like ultra-violent movies, WHEN THEY CALL FOR IT, but Pineapple Express did not need to go anywhere near the levels it did to shock and gross out the viewers. Partially removed, bloody ears do not belong in this movie. If the violence was justified, or even handled with some weight, it would have made a world of difference – rather, you have a character who gets shot seven times and doesn’t flinch. How are we supposed to feel when someone else gets shot? One person is bulletproof and the next dies without a fight? Half the violence is meant to be met with laughter, the other half shock? It doesn’t work. Comedy, though a lighter art form, still needs logic to make it work. And there is no logical reason for 90 percent of the violence in Pineapple Express. Titillation for the sake of titillation. Not cool.

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The End of the Joint: Overall, it has its enjoyable moments, but it is far from the laugh fest it looked to be. There are some great one liners scattered throughout, but the stretches in between may make waiting for the good’uns a tiring task. Its major undoing are its various unfitting tones – the one thing that initially drew me to the film. What could have been unique and “hip” winds up boring and random. A definite DVD purchase, if only for repeat viewings of Franco’s performance, but other then that a pretty forgettable movie.

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So, if Pineapple Express didn’t quite hold up, what is a great pot comedy you may ask? Well, funny you should ask… Take a gander below!

Up In Smoke

Top 4 Stoner Comedies (Would’ve been 5, but I like… forgot one?)

1. Cheech and Chong’s Up in Smoke: The first, the best, the king. There is a reason that Cheech and Chong are the two most famous stoners of all time, and this film is where most of the world first discovered them. One of the most memorable and quotable comedies of all time. Silly, nonsensical, and whacked out; The gold standard for everything a good pot comedy should be. The undisputed champ for now and eternity. Bow down at the altar of this movie (and leave a doobie before you go.

2. Half Baked: My generation’s Up In Smoke. I’ll be honest, I saw this movie years before I ever saw marijuana, and I loved it anyway. The rare stoner flick that transcends enough to crack up the general “Square” public. This flick is so ingrained in my mind, that when thinking of weed one of the first images to pop in my head has to be the smiling visages of Chappelle, Breur, and crew. Though some say it hasn’t aged so gracefully, I defy them to throw on the DVD and not laugh for 90 minutes straight. This is what every stoner flick should aspire to be. (None can or should dare try to replicate Cheech and Chong. It’s not an option)

3. How High: The “Urban” entry into our list. Method Man and Red Man both have proven themselves as great rappers, but I really think they shine in this, their feature film, and one of my all-time favorite stoner comedies. It’s so damn irreverent and weird, and yet light hearted at the same time. This flick is definitely the least like its brethren, but that works for its favor. I don’t think this movie gets the respect it deserves – and after what must be 100 viewings, I can tell you it certainly holds up. If you haven’t seen it, give it a chance… I’m a big fan.

4. Harold and Kumar go to White Castle: The sneak attack. I remember about 3 minutes into this movie, thinking to myself; “Wait a minute… This is a pure pot comedy!”. Though it is not the most high brow of fare, Harold and Kumar is one of the more bizarre and ridiculous stoner comedies to come out in some time. And… It’s awesome. This, if any film in recent years, is the closest movies have come to the old days of just flat out “High-Jinx”. The cheetah, N-P-H, the weed-love scene – all go down in history in the top pot moments on film. From the opening line to the last scene, the closest we’ve had to a classic stoner flick in many years. The sequel, not so much… but that’s a whole other review.

Stoner-Friendly Runner Ups: Dazed and Confused, Mallrats, Grandma’s Boy, The Big Lebowski, Clueless, ANY ANIME EVER MADE.

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Well, like, dudes.. Umm. That’s it for this week. Like, totally check back next for like my review or whatever on comi—comics… Wait.. Oh yeah, Comic-Con. It’ll be heavy. And, as always,

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

–Matt Cohen swears he is currently not researching the next great pot comedy. For real…

Toy Box: Weta Rayguns – SDCC 2008 Exclusive Goliathan 83

Filed under: Toy Box — admin @ 3:06 am

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Occasionally, a company does something truly unique and uber-cool – such is the situation with Weta and their line of Rayguns. Called “Dr. Grordbort’s Infallible Aether Oscillators” or just rayguns for short, these amazing retro sci-fi weapons were some of the best items on display once again this year at the San Diego Comic-Con. The concept is simple enough – produce a series of guns that look like something right off the old serial sci-fi shows, like Flash Gordon. However, these are far better than any movie prop. The designs, detailing, weathering, and quality are something to truly behold. I have a few photos of them in my Weta coverage from this year’s con.

These things are full sized props, however, made from metal, wood, and other ‘real’ materials. While that means they look just like they could really turn your enemy into powdered toast with the pull of the trigger, they also cost crazy money. We’re talking $500 – $600 US and more…far more than any mere mortal such as yours truly can afford.

For us, Weta has done miniature versions as SDCC exclusives for the past couple years. These look very much like their larger cousins, but are small enough to fit in your palm. They also aren’t nearly as detailed as the big versions, or made from as wide a range of materials. They also only cost $40.

This year’s version is called the Goliathan 83, and only 400 were produced for the show. They sold out of course, but you can always pick up the full sized version from Weta for a mere $690. Oh c’mon…you know you want to.

If you have any questions or comments, drop me an email at mwc@mwctoys.com, or check out the other reviews at Michael’s Review of the Week – Captain Toy. Let’s get blastin’!

SDCC 2008 Exclusive miniature Goliathan 83

Packaging – ***1/2
There isn’t a lot of text or background, but the package does have a very, very cool retro feel and look to it. The graphics are great, and the interior plastic tray (with plastic lid) is completely collector friendly. Pop it out, pop it back in, no damage, no fuss, no muss.

Sculpting – ***1/2
Obviously, the sculpts are going to be far more intricate on the full sized versions. On top of that, they use various materials to make the guns look extremely realistic, while the small versions are solid metal. Very heavy, very solid, but not as intricate.

Still, these are quite detailed for the scale. They’ve included the small notches on the power indicator, the various itty bitty antennae, and all the implied rivets and screws are sculpted on, not merely painted.

Paint – ***1/2
They got creative with some of the paint as well, using it t simulate some of the features of the larger version. For example, the tube on the top back (which reminds me of a super soaker) is painted with a glittery, translucent sort of paint, simulating a liquid in the tube. The effect works pretty well, particularly at first glance.

Small details like the tubes and dial notches are painted cleanly, and the overall weathering effect is solid. It’s not nearly as good as the big versions of course, but at less than 1/10th the price, that should come as no huge surprise. The gun still looks like something that’s been used and abused, blasting aliens and robots from the future to smithereens.

Design – ****
The real beauty here is the design, of course. Developing one really great looking raygun is hard enough – coming up with a whole series is quite impressive. There’s just enough doohickeys and gizmos on this weapon that it looks deadly, and yet not overdone and ridiculous. It has that perfect 1930’s sci-fi feel, and in fact the designs are quite a bit better than what used to be used on the old films.

Value – **1/2
It’s tough to really compare these to other things…how many all metal, realistic looking, funky sci-fi style rayguns are there out on the market? Yea, I really wish someone would go after the licenses for actual film and tv guns like Flash Gordon, Lost in Space, Buck Rodgers, etc. etc. etc. but until they do, there’s not much to judge against. The quality here is very high, and it seemed like an appropriate price considering the materials, the attention to detail, and the very low production run.

There actually is one other line these can be compared to: Master Replicas scaled Star Wars blasters and lightsabers. Those ran around this same price when they were released, and were produced in much larger numbers.

Things to Watch Out For –
The small metal ‘antennae’ that you see protruding from various parts of the weapon can be bent and broken with rough handling. But other than that, you should be good to anniliate your enemies.

Overall – ***1/2
Short of hitting the lottery, I’ll never own one of the larger versions. That makes me all the more pleased that Weta is producing these miniature versions. The designs are great, the quality is high, and they make nice little display pieces with the miniature Star Wars weapons that Master Replicas released. I certainly hope to see more of these come from Weta, even if it’s only a once a year thing.

Where to Buy –
Unfortunately, your only real choice now is Ebay. Try searching using MyAuctionLinks.com.

Related Links:
Check out Weta’s site for more information.

August 5, 2008

Masters Of Song Fu #2: Sign-Up Begins…

Filed under: Masters Of Song Fu — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:08 pm

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We here at Quick Stop Entertainment are true lovers of music, in all its forms. We’re also quite keen on the spirit of competition, and of spurring creativity through said competition.

To that end, we launched a brand new form of creative combat here at the Stop.

In this age of manufactured and painfully earnest talent contests, we’ve decided to instead shine a light on the quirky, quixotic underworld of musicians that don’t get nearly the attention they deserve.

Ah, but I did mention that there was a competition involved…

We have 20 slots open to any and all musicians across this here internet. All you have to do is be one of the first 20 to apply via the form below, and you’re in. THE LIST OF CHALLENGERS AND THE FIRST TASK WILL BE ANNOUNCED ON TUESDAY, AUGUST 12th.

Once those 20 participants have been announced, the showdown will commence.

Like a songwriting version of Iron Chef, the 20 competitors will be presented with a very specific songwriting challenge. They’ll be given one week to complete their songs – however they see fit, within the parameters set forth – after which time the entries will be uploaded to Quick Stop to be voted on by you, the readers.

After one week of intense campaigning and voting, we’ll eliminate the bottom 15 vote-getters – leaving 5 competitors to move on to… ROUND 2.

That’s when things get crazy…

Oh, and what do we call this competition?

MASTERS OF SONG FU

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To mix things up a bit, we’ll have our usual complement of very special Masters who you’ll be going up against in this edition of MASTERS OF SONG FU. Think of them as the iron chefs of Song Fu, and your ultimate challengers. We’ll be revealing the Masters on August 12th, when the Challengers are announced.

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If you triumph, not only will you win remarkable (and potentially off-putting) bragging rights and a clutch of fantastic mystery prizes, you will also become the proud owner of the magnificent, one-of-a-kind MASTER OF SONG FU TROPHY, designed and handcrafted by [adult swim] superstar Dana Snyder. Yes. Dana Snyder.

Remember, you must be able to realize a song both lyrically and musically. This competition is open to both singer/songwriters and bands – but since space is limited, only enter if you truly accept the challenge. As stated above, we’ll be accepting the first 20 valid applications we receive.

Are you ready to bring your Fu? If so, fill out the form below:

THIS ROUND IS CLOSED,

Note: Competitors will be notified via e-mail of their selection.
If you have any problems submitting your entry via the form above, you can also e-mail the entry information to
songfu @ asitecalledfred.com (taking out the spaces, naturally) with the subject line “Song Fu”.

Win a SIGNED AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER POSTER!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:03 am

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We’re giving away, in conjunction with Nickelodeon and Paramount Home Video, a SIGNED AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER POSTER to celebrate the release of AVATAR BOOK 3 VOLUME 4: FIRE on DVD. The poster is signed by the show’s creators.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Tuesday, August 12th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Tuesday, August 12th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

TV Or Not TV: 8/4 – 8/10

Filed under: TV Or Not TV — admin @ 4:18 am

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Some things in life are very shocking, and I have to admit that this week’s column about television is going to be lighter than normal. The reason why? Because of a book (I can already here the League of Television Critics rushing to revoke my membership).

Now that we are at least half way through all of my current must watch shows I will try my best to fill in what would otherwise be a bereft column with how I think these shows are doing.

Weeds: Sorry guys, I’m just not feeling it. The show has lost part of its soul, that thing that made it very entertaining and endearing. I tend to get this feeling after a show does something big to shake things up, and last season’s burning down of Agrestic reeked of it. Now the writers are left having to pick up the pieces and delivering us with sub-par stories compared to the first two seasons.

Burn Notice: It’s really hard for them to screw this show up. The thread that continues throughout the series (why Michael was burned) can easily play a back seat to the “˜week-to-week helping of those in need that have nowhere else to turn’ that drives the show. The lead is charming, the supporting cast is great, and the stories (so far) have been just as good as the first season. A solid performer.

Monk: Other than getting burned last week by the listings being inaccurate about what episode was airing I’m very pleased with this season. The episode with Monk being pit against a chess genius was the answer to my prayers in the way of old school Monk. Last week’s episode involving the lottery was equally entertaining. As usual, Monk is a solid performer.

Psych: Still not as much hyper-observation from the lead character as I would like, but the stories have been good. The week of the high school reunion played on the memories of every 30 something as it evoked elements from many of the John Hughes classic films.

The Venture Brothers: If you aren’t watching it, what the hell is wrong with you?!? I command you now to go out and get the first two seasons on DVD, watch them, and get caught up immediately! NOW! GO!

All that being said, let’s move on to the knitty-gritty.

MONDAY

G4 “β€œ 8:00 PM: It’s a marathon of Code Monkeys tonight. If you’ve never watched the show but loved playing video games in the 80’s than you should really watch this tonight.

LOGO “β€œ 8:00 PM: Small Town Gay Bar is a very touching documentary about bars that cater to the gay community trying to survive in the rural south. On paper this wasn’t my cup of tea but after seeing it I was very impressed with this documentary and the work that Malcolm Ingram did in directing.

SCIFI “β€œ 9:00 PM: Again here we are with me telling you about the two part episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. In Chain of Command Picard goes on a secret mission and is captured by the Cardassians. The most compelling part of the two is the latter episode that delves in to torture techniques and their effects on the tortured psyche. Patrick Stewart turns in an A-list performance.

VH1 “β€œ 10:00 PM: It’s like The Apprentice: Diddy Edition with I Want to Work for Diddy. 13 wannabes vie for a play on the Diddy Committee (what a pitty). Sorry, sometimes I just can’t help myself.

TUESDAY

OXYGEN “β€œ 8:00 AM: It’s a 16 hour marathon of Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. If you start at the beginning by 5 PM you’ve seen it all. If you don’t, there’s plenty of hours to choose from.

AMC “β€œ 8:00 PM: I only bring up tonight’s airing of the John Wayne classic Hondo because it was the film that Al Bundy tried an entire episode of Married with Children to see.

WEDNESDAY

NBC “β€œ 9:00 PM: The Baby Borrowers return for the Lessons Learned Town Hall Reunion Special.

HIST “β€œ 9:00 PM: Tonight’s episode of MonsterQuest is titled Vampires in America. I’m in.

THURSDAY

FOX “β€œ 8:00 PM: The final part of the season finale for So You Think You Can Dance. I’m hoping Twitch wins just because of the name (and because it’s what I start to do if someone makes me watch the show).

TBS “β€œ 10:00 PM: P.J. is one of the “˜best men’ in Bobby‘s wedding on tonight’s season finale of My Boys.

FRIDAY

NBC “β€œ 7:30 PM: It’s the Olympic Opening Ceremonies tonight. It’s been a long, hard, protest ridden road to get to this point. Does it make me a hater of human rights if I actually decide to watch this? I’m torn.

Now let’s look at what everyone is trying to counter-program with!

FOX “β€œ 8:00 PM: The motion picture Hellboy. Well played, FOX.
FX “β€œ 8:00 PM: Another airing of Batman Begins. A reasonable attempt.
TNT “β€œ 8:00 PM: Matt Damon kicks more ass in The Bourne Supremacy.
USA “β€œ 9:00 PM: The network tries to stick to their guns with new episodes of Monk and Psych. (I’m still pissed at you guys about that submarine listing mishap”Β¦ I expect my apology in the form of a fruit basket or cookie-gram.)

SATURDAY

With the Olympics going on it’s like no one else is even trying to get viewers tonight.

ABC “β€œ 8:00 PM: My nephew Jacob will be thrilled to know that Shark Tale will be on tonight.

LIFETIME “β€œ 9:00 PM: One network has the guts to put something new out tonight. The offering is a Lohan like story of rise and fall in True Confessions of a Hollywood Starlet. The hook? After rehab the young starlet goes to the suburbs of Indiana to live with Valerie Bertinelli and lives life as a regular teenager to finish high school. What can I say, might be better than watching”Β¦

NBC “β€œ 8:00 PM: Tonight’s Olympics offering is Swimming.

SUNDAY

NBC “β€œ 8:00 PM: Tonight’s Olympics offering is Basketball.

FOX “β€œ 9:00 PM: FOX is making a very valiant effort in counter-programming against the Olympics with the re-airing of the entire first season of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. You can catch it airing Sunday through Wednesday for the next three weeks. The show itself was pretty entertaining the first time around, even though the title character is probably the weakest out of the whole bunch. Too bad the first run was cut short by the Writer’s Strike.

TNT “β€œ 8:00 PM: Get your John McClane fix on with the original Die Hard and the repurposed Lethal Weapon sequel script Die Hard with a Vengeance.

– Will Wilkins still does Yippie-Kay-Yay Mother”Β¦ never mind.

August 3, 2008

SModcast 60

Filed under: SModcast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:33 pm

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Your TextSModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.

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SModcast 60: The Clone War –

In which our heroes marvel over Pillow Babies, thwart an attack by Stalin’s man-apes, and face off over the love of a human Xerox.

[CONTENT WARNING] SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
SModcast 60 (MP3 format) – 60.56 MB

[display_podcast]

SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes
Subscribe to this Podcast via FeedBurner

Wanna add your two cents? Spend it here, in the SModcast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SMODCAST ARCHIVES

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August 1, 2008

Masters Of Song Fu #1: The Winner Revealed!

Filed under: Masters Of Song Fu — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:12 am

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We here at Quick Stop Entertainment are true lovers of music, in all its forms. We’re also quite keen on the spirit of competition, and of spurring creativity through said competition.

To that end, we launched a brand new form of creative combat here at the Stop.

In this age of manufactured and painfully earnest talent contests, we decided to instead shine a light on the quirky, quixotic underworld of musicians that don’t get nearly the attention they deserve.

Ah, but I did mention that there was a competition involved…

We sent out the call for challengers. Hundreds of you heard the call and fought for a chance to be in the initial group. 20 were selected. Only 19 responded in time.

Like a songwriting version of Iron Chef, the challengers were presented with a very specific songwriting challenge.

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At the very end, there stood but one Challenger – who faced off against one Master of Song Fu.

The Master was Jonathan Coulton, and the Challenger was Jeff MacDougall. Both met the Final Challenge head on, and then left their creations to be judged by you, the public. At the end of the day, in a very close race – with a vote count of 397 to 316 – the winner is JONATHAN COULTON.

As the winner, Jonathan wins remarkable (and potentially off-putting) bragging rights and a clutch of fantastic mystery prizes, as well as becoming the proud owner of the magnificent, one-of-a-kind MASTER OF SONG FU TROPHY, designed and handcrafted by [adult swim] superstar Dana Snyder.

Ah, but there’s also something for Jeff MacDougall. While it’s not an “I Fought A MASTER OF SONG FU And Did Pretty Damn Well” t-shirt, he also gets a clutch of fantastic mystery prizes for making it this far. Hopefully, he’s also gained the confidence and support of you, the public, and will continue making music with the knowledge that there a whole bunch of new listeners eager to hear what the future holds.

And, since many of you have written in wondering…

SIGN-UP FOR THE SECOND MASTERS OF SONG FU COMPETITION WILL BEGIN ON TUESDAY, AUGUST 5th, 2008.

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Below, you’ll find the history of the inaugural MASTERS OF SONG FU competition…

The initial entrants were given one week to complete their Round 1 songs – however they saw fit, within the parameters set forth below…

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ROUND 1 CHALLENGE

You must do a song in the style of a classic television show. Not only that, but this song is the theme for a fictional television show about yourself (or your band). By “classic television show” theme song, we mean the type of themes found in shows from the 1960’s – 1980’s (ie Gilligan’s Island, Cheers, The Fall Guy, Diff’rent Strokes, Welcome Back Kotter, Greatest American Hero, Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, The Facts Of Life, Green Acres, Gimme A Break, The Monkees, etc.). Your theme song must include both lyrics and music. It must run no shorter than 30 seconds, and no longer than one (1) minute.

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When all was said and done, only 16 of the 19 Challengers were able to send in the songs in time. You voted HERE. The TOP 7 vote getters then moved on to Round 2. Here’s the challenge given to our 7 Semi-Finalists…

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ROUND 2 CHALLENGE

Here’s where we step things up a notch. Your challenge is to write a song that utilizes a repeating syllable (ex: la, na, doo, etc.). The syllable must repeat at least 5 times in a row (ex: la la la la la). The resulting “repeated syllable” phrase can appear anywhere in your song, but must be repeated in full at least 3 times within the song. Also, this challenge includes a thematic element. Your song must feature a conflict between two (2) elements, provided below. You must choose one (1) element from COLUMN A and one (1) element from COLUMN B.

COLUMN A
—————

Santa Claus

Miami Dolphins

Stephen Hawking

A Beach Towel

High School Physics

Albania

The Color Orange

A Toothpick Factory

Marc Singer

Hydroponics

———————————————————————–

COLUMN B
—————

Dracula

Linux

Pudding

Coupons

Scabies

Cosplayers

Your Kindergarten Teacher (must be named)

Albert Camus

Non-Alcoholic Lager

Doc Hammer

Your song must be at least 1m45s in length. Finally, your song must be an ORIGINAL CREATION, both music and lyrics, and can not utilize or sample a preexisting work.

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You also voted on the contributions of our three Masters, eliminating one. Two Masters remained, and they were presented a special challenge of their own. Their entries were also be voted on by you, the readers. The winner of the Masters Challenge is the one who dueled with the winning Challenger.

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ROUND 2 MASTERS CHALLENGE

The following challenge applies to our Masters of Song Fu only. As Masters, it is expected that they have achieved a musical voice all their own – but does their mastery extend to assuming the voice of another artist? With that in mind, Each Master is tasked with writing a song in the style of their opponent. The Masters will be judged on how accurately they write a song in their opponent’s style without it becoming a simple parody. When listening to their entries, you must genuinely believe that they were written by the original Master. Got that? The Master’s songs must also be no shorter than 1m45s.

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Well, you voted on the Round 2 Challenge HERE. Your Challenger was Jeff MacDougall, and the Master he had to face was Jonathan Coulton. They were both presented with a final challenge…

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FINAL CHALLENGE

THE REIMAGINING (aka THE RECKONING): For this final duel between Master and Challenger, we’re going to combine a little bit of all the previous challenges. For this ultimate show of skill, adaptability, and personality, you will be given a preexisting song. Your task is to completely reimagine that song with your own lyrics and music – while retaining the same basic story and at least some sonic “cue” or “quote” from the original tune (a short phrase or series of chord changes; the key word here is “brief”). THIS IS NOT A COVER – you are crafting something more akin to an homage, but with your own creative voice. Here is the song you’ll be reimagining:
DAVID BOWIE: “SPACE ODDITY”
You will be judged on how closely your reimagining hits the basic “story points” – spaceman goes up, spaceman talks with control, spaceman goes for a walk, spaceman disappears – but beyond that, anything goes.

The song must be at least 1min 45sec, and must be an original creation.

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And that brought us to the Final Challenge songs from both Jeff and Jonathan, which you’ll find below (as well as the lyrics and some background on their creative process).

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MASTER OF SONG FU

JONATHAN COULTON

songfu-01.jpgJonathan Coulton on Jonathan Coulton: “In 2005 I left my day job writing software to pursue music full time. To keep myself busy I released a new song on this website every week for a year in a project called Thing a Week. A few of those songs became big internet hits (my folky cover of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”, a funny video called “Flickr”, a song called “Code Monkey”), and I am now fortunate enough to make my living as a musician.

I write about a lot of geeky stuff because I am a geek. Some of it’s funny, but a lot of it’s not so funny, and even more of it is somewhere in between. I’ve been compared to They Might Be Giants, Barenaked Ladies, Loudon Wainwright III, and other musicians you REALLY LOVE.

I give lots of music away because I believe it helps my cause, and I love it when people use my music to create other stuff – music videos, pictures, remixes, etc. At the moment I’m unsigned, and I’m proud to say I’ve created this whole thing mostly on my own (with plenty of help from an amazingly supportive bunch of fans). But it certainly is getting busy… I will probably sell out and go Hollywood any day now…”

Official Website: www.jonathancoulton.com

FINAL CHALLENGE SONG: “Space Doggity”

“You’re right, I almost went with the first monkey in space, but I didn’t want to be accused of going overboard with the monkeys. So I went with the first dog in space instead.

Her name was Laika and she went up in Sputnik 2. In doing my research I discovered that Russian scientists recently released the truth about what happened to her during the launch, which is that she died just a few hours into it, and not after a week as they originally claimed. She died from stress and overheating (the cooling system malfunctioned and it was 104F in there) but mostly she died from being LAUNCHED INTO SPACE IN A FUCKING ROCKET.

I thought it would be much nicer if instead Laika gave scientists the finger, stepped out in a spacesuit and then disappeared. Whereabouts unknown…”

Lyrics:

The cage is very small
A tiny silver ball
That makes you a hero
The moment you step inside
The world is watching you
What you’re about to do
Will live on forever
Even though you’ll be dead
And gone
Buckle up
We’re about to turn the engines on.

Boyoyoing

Hello from Sputnik 2
I am receiving you
Thanks for the dog food
I’m somewhere above you now
Guess what Malashenkov?
I took the collar off
I’m holding my own leash
And walking myself outside
This door
I don’t think
I want to be a good dog anymore.

Now I’m floating free
And the moon’s with me
And it’s bright enough
To light the dark

And it’s so high up here
And the stars so clear –
Are they close enough?
Will they hear me bark from here?

Moscow to Sputnik 2
I think we’re losing you
Your life signs are fading
We can’t really say that we’re
Surprised
It’s a shame
There is always something that gets compromised

Now I’m floating free
And the moon’s with me
And it’s bright enough
To light the dark

And it’s so high up here
And the stars so clear –
Are they close enough?
Will they hear me bark from here?

ROUND 2 SONG: “Big Dick Farts A Polka (in the style of Paul & Storm)”
ROUND 1 SONG: “Monkey Shines“

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THE CHALLENGER

JEFF MacDOUGALL

songfucomp-16.jpgThe Deal: After 20+ years making music as a hobby, I recently wrote and recorded a song for my daughter. I got a little taste of mild success (hey, my mom liked it). So now I’m taking my music out of the closet, dusting it off, and seeing how it does in the sunshine. Who knew there was so much work in just attempting to do music for a living. I feel like I am opening a Subway franchise (Only opening a Subway franchise seems more fulfilling in a creative way).

Official Website: jeffmacdougall.com

FINAL CHALLENGE SONG: “High”

“When I first read the final challenge I was, at once, excited and scared. Such a great song to use for inspiration and also, a very high bar to get over. I mean, trying to measure up to a Bowie song is bad enough, but trying to do it and do it better than Jonathan Coulton?… yeah… no problem… I’ll get right on that.

Right away I decided to do try something grand, to keep in the spirit of the original. Whether or not I achieved that remains to be seen. I didn’t want to try to be funny because A) It’s not really a funny story, and B) I’m not going to do funny better than my competition. I’m just not. So here you go… the end result. To sum it up, I just really tried to re-do the song with my own song writing and production style. I think I achieved that… for better or worse.”

Lyrics:

Safe in the capsule,
gonna leave here soon.
Nothing around me,
though there’s not much room.

It’s quiet. It’s calm.
Can you hear me? It’s Tom.

I’m high!
Can you see me?
I’m the blink in the night sky.

I’m not afraid.
So much to fear.
Hey, I can see my house from here.

No air to speak of
and still my hand is on the door.

I give it a shove
and I’m out into the clear.
Don’t want to take a fall from here.

Out of the capsule,
gonna leave here soon.
And the stars look very different today.
And I’m floating in a most peculiar way.

I’m high!
Can you see me?
I’m the blink in the night sky.

I’m not afraid.
Everything’s clear.
There’s nothing left to engineer.

I’m high!
Can you see me?
I’m the blink in the night sky.

I’m not afraid.
Everything’s clear.
Tell my wife no need for tears.

ROUND 2 SONG: “A Brief History Of Pudding”
ROUND 1 SONG: “Jeff MacDougall Dot Com“

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FINAL CHALLENGE RESULTS

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The Fu Shall Return.

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Win SOUTH PARK: SEASON 11 on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:15 am

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We’re giving away, in conjunction with Comedy Central Home Video, three (3) copies of SOUTH PARK: SEASON 11 on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Friday, August 8th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Friday, August 8th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Weekend Shopping Guide 8/1/08: We’re All A Little Looney

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The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

After years of begging, pleading, and borderline groveling, Warners has finally answered all those pathetic pleas with the long-awaited first volume of Tiny Toon Adventures (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$44.98 SRP). They’re tiny, they’re toony, and they’re finally coming to our TVs with the first 35 episodes, plus a newly-produced retrospective featurette. Volume 2, now!

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So, you’ve got a pair of computers and you want to transfer files between them quickly and easily. Sure, you could try and create a network connection, or send things over a instant messenger service in a pinch, but most ISPs are painfully slow on uploads, and you might not even have the option. No, the easiest piece of kit I’ve ever encountered is the Crossbox Data Transfer Device ($39.99), which connects to the 2 systems via USB ports, has built in drivers, and transfers data lightning fast. Brilliant.
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It’s not nearly the groundbreaking revelation that was Scorsese and The Band’s The Last Waltz, but The Rolling Stones: Shine A Light (Paramount, Rated PG-13, DVD-$34.99 SRP) is still an incredible document of a defiantly energetic gig by the foursome, with guests Jack White, Christina Aguilera, and Buddy Guy. Bonus features include a quartet of additional performances and a behind-the-scenes featurette. A Blu-Ray edition (featuring the same bonus materials is also available.

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The Blu-Ray train has reached Clancy station (yeah, I just typed that – I may need a vacation), and that means we’ve got a quartet of high-definition, stunning looking versions of The Hunt For Red October, Patriot Games, Clear & Present Danger, and The Sum Of All Fears (Paramount, Rated PG/PG-13, Blu-Ray-$29.99 SRP each). The bonus features all carry over from the standard editions, and include cast & crew interviews, an audio commentary on Hunt, commentaries and behind-the-scenes featurettes on Sum, and theatrical trailers.

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Spawned from the same animated era that gave us Tiny Toons, Animaniacs, and Pinky & The Brain, I always thought that Freakazoid! (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$26.98 SRP) was a blast. Granted, I wasn’t a regular viewer, but every episode I ran across was a fun, madcap delight. Judge for yourself with the 2-disc first season set, featuring all 14 episodes, plus a retrospective featurette, launch promos, and a trio of commentaries.

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Take the highway to the danger zone in gloriously crisp, high definition Tony Scott vision with the Blu-Ray edition of Top Gun (Paramount, Rated PG, Blu-Ray-$29.99 SRP). In addition to the uber-quality, you get the bonus materials from the recent special edition DVD release, including an audio commentary, making-of documentary, featurettes, galleries, music videos, and more.

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Like most effortless surprise cult hits, the sequel to Harold & Kumar Go Two White Castle suffers from trying too hard. That’s not to say that Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay (New Line, Not Rated, DVD-$34.99 SRP) – which finds our stoner heroes mistakenly on the wrong side of the law and locked up as terrorists – isn’t an enjoyable comedy. It is. It’s just that it doesn’t quite live up to the goofball charm of the original flick. The 2-disc unrated edition features audio commentaries, a behind-the-scenes featurette, additional scenes, and a PSA.

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Has it really been 10 years since Dark City? Before The Matrix, this underrated little gem brought us a fascinating but flawed piece of sci-fi noir, that deserves another look-see. There’s no better way to do that look-see than with the newly remastered Blu-Ray edition (New Line, Not Rated, Blu-Ray-$28.99 SRP) featuring both the original theatrical and an extended director’s cut of the film, audio commentaries, documentaries, galleries, and much more.

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It may be mired in its mid-80’s time period, but there’s a great ticking clock fun to War Games (MGM/UA, Rated PG, DVD-$14.98 SRP), which now has a 25th (!) Anniversary Edition. Bonus features (in addition to a nicely remastered picture) include a retrospective documentary, behind-the-scenes featurettes, and the original theatrical trailer. Sadly, no Badham/Broderick commentary.

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Fans (and Paul Sabourin) will rejoice in the fact that not only will they get to re-watch the stunning conclusion of the saga, but the fourth and final volume of Avatar: The Last Airbender Book 3 – Fire (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$16.99 SRP) features audio commentaries from the creators, cast, and crew.

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Anglophiles wishing to get a wonderful primer on the sceptered isle’s history will want to pick up a copy of Simon Schama’s in-depth A History Of Britain (History Channel, Not Rated, DVD-$39.95 SRP). The 5-disc set features all 15 episodes, charting its earliest beginnings through Roman occupation, the Norman conquest, the rise of empire, and right through the 20th century.

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Plunge back into the Fox vaults with a box set devoted to the 30’s George Clooney with the Tyrone Power: Matinee Idol Collection (Fox, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP). The 5-disc set features Girls’ Dormitory, Love Is News, This Above All, Day-Time Wife, The Luck Of The Irish, Café Metropole, That Wonderful Urge, Second Honeymoon, Johnny Apollo, I’ll Never Forget You. Bonus features include spotlights on Power and his leading ladies, deleted scenes, a poster gallery, and more.

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Start refreshing on the original before the new series launches this fall with the complete fifth season of Beverly Hills 90210 (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP). With Shannon Doherty gone, this was the season that saw the arrival of Tiffani-Amber Thiessen, who practically jetted right from Saved By The Bell. The 8 disc set features all 31 episodes, but not a single bonus features.

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If getting the series in separate sets wasn’t appealing to you, you can now get the entirety of Robin Of Sherwood (Acorn Media, Not Rated, DVD-$99.99 SRP) in one easy package. The 10-disc set contains all 26 episodes, plus audio commentaries, behind-the-scenes documentaries, outtakes, and more.

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In the annals of great cooking shows, a special place must be reserved for one of my favorites – Britain’s Two Fat Ladies (Acorn Media, Not Rated, DVD-$59.99 SRP), which brought together outsize chefs Jennifer Paterson and Clarissa Dickson Wright and sent them traveling the country in a motorcycle and sidecar. It was fun and funny, and the two were engaging hosts. The 4-disc set features all 24 episodes, plus a documentary tribute to Paterson.

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With season 7 of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP) hitting shelves, we’ve just about caught up with the current season. The 5-disc set contains all 22 episodes. Can I say how much the continued existence of this series delights me just because it keeps Richard Belzer’s Homicide character alive?

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Spawned in the desperate post-Buffy bid to launch any kind of female action-hero series the networks could get their hands on, Witchblade (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$69.98 SRP) only lasted a single season. Which I’m perfectly fine with, as it was a lackluster adaptation of a comic book I really didn’t care for. Ah well. The 7-disc box-set features all 24 episodes, plus trivia, casting tapes, featurettes, and more.

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Growing up, the name James A. Michener meant incredibly massive TV miniseries based on equally massive books set in some period of America’s past. Such is the Wild West tale Centennial (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP), which spanned 26 hours. The 6-disc set features also contains a retrospective documentary.

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And now, we’ll close this week’s shopping guide with something you can’t buy in stores. In fact, the only way you can get it is by collecting 4 of the stickers featured in Hasbro’s line of 12″ Indiana Jones figures and mailing them in for what has to be one of the coolest looking mail-aways ever – a highly-detailed 12″-scale Ark of the Covenant. See for yourself…

So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

-Ken Plume

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Trailer Park: What Was The Best Part Of Comic-Con 2008? Tom Cruise.

Filed under: Trailer Park — admin @ 12:40 am

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

I’m awesome. I wrote a book. It’s got little to do with movies. Download and read “Thank You, Goodnight” right HERE for free.

Yes, I’ll get back to the usual griping and nitpicking of what was awesome and what was not in moments but I had to start by saying that after seeing a screening of TROPIC THUNDER on Friday night during the Comic-Con I have had every ounce of ill will towards Tom Cruise expunged from my pores.

No longer can I honestly bag, rag or tease the couch-jumping midget with incisors that could fillet a tin can (and still cut a vine ripened tomato!) as I have to go on record as saying that he gives a brilliant comedic performance that I will not spoil in TROPIC THUNDER. I was shocked by the amount of blue eminating from his mouth in this film and, so much so, I had double-take a few times as I wondered why he would go out on that limb; it was completely against type of everything you think you know about him. There was the kind of ferocity brought into the character he plays that, damn near like Heath Ledger’s iconic performance as The Joker, you forget about all the batshit crazy antics that drove him to the point he is today. Needless, the movie was spectacular and you really do need to go into that movie with as little spoiler-y information as possible. This is honestly a movie that rewards people who go into it blind as, without question, it was the second best comedy I saw all summer. What was the first, you may never ask yourself?

HAMLET 2

Now, this one was different in that I saw the trailer and adored it. It had such a spark that it was in danger of not being able to live up to the marketing. I was beyond pleased to find out that this is a movie that is at once absurd and wickedly sharp. While it takes the Teacher/Student genre and spins it sharply on its head you have Steve Coogan who is allowed to let his freak flag fly mightily. Just when you start to worry that his is a character is really a caricature you begin to love this guy who is at once so full of optimism and so miserably inept. And everything you read about the eventual play they put on the end should all point to the fact that this is the crowning moment that takes this comedy and imbues it with a tenderness that you don’t see much in even straightforward dramas. And I hope everyone enjoys the musical stylings of The Tuscon Gay Men’s Choir; they are brilliantly used and have everything to do with the aforementioned moment that brings this whole film together. And, in celebration of this film I have tons to share regarding this film: interviews with star Steve Coogan, director Andrew Flemming and co-writer Pam Brady. This is one that really deserves a big hug by consumers this month.

As well, who could’ve missed watching the WATCHMEN

Zack Snyder knows how to work panels and, just like he did with 300, the man came prepared to let people know just how seriously he was working on this film adaptation. The footage he showed, in an extended trailer that mixed in some of the more sharp elements from the trailer already out there did 2 things: 1. It made you pay attention to the magnitude and scale of this production 2. It conveyed a sense of a world just like outs that could really exist. Snyder has made a world within a world and it was breathtaking to see how he has used his prowess as a sharp filmmaker to mold and pump into life this graphic novel that has finally found its pulse. The panel itself, as well, was one of those things where Snyder was allowed to work his magic on the crowd while still allowing all the stars of the film to be included into the conversation. Even media shy Cruddup seemed to be enjoying the absurdity of it all, being tossed questions about absolutely random things but loving every minute of it. The roundtables for this film, as well, were the highlight of my trip to San Diego and made all the cash I had to spend to get there worthwhile. I know we sort of eschew the roundtable format around these parts but since I was armed with a video camera and an audio recorder I made to videotape the panel and videotape the roundtables. I will be posting both soon but if you’re whipping yourself that you weren’t able to make it for this one should rest assured that you’ll be able to enjoy the entire panel in a matter of days. A special note needs to be made about meeting C.H.U.D.’s Devin Faraci. If there is anyone I would point to as a respectable model for how interviewing should go it would be him. We were in the same pool of other writers scrambling to cover the WATCHMEN roundtables and, with the exception of a Herman Munster look-a-like who made a few moments real uncomfortable for everyone involved a few times, I was genuinely honored to be in the presence of the guy. He’s the go-to person for damn near every solid interview over at C.H.U.D. and if there was anyone who makes me want to be a better conversationalist with those who are making films or being a part of them, it is he. I just hope I carried myself well as I would loathe to be on the receiving end of any editorial that starts with, “I was at a roundtable with this one twit who…”

CHUCK

No one loves Zach Levi more than me. Pressured to talk to the guy based on his role in BIG MOMMA’S HOUSE 2 I could not have been more impressed with an actor on the bubble. The man was well read, had a jolly disposition, loved video games and was honestly engaged with the conversation the entire time. I’ve since interviewed him a few more times since then and I did it again after his well-attended panel in Room 20, a step up from his previous Room that did not hold nearly as many individuals who were in love with his lovable geek. One of the highpoints for this panel was Levi’s interpretation of Yvonne Strahovski, and her command of her Australian accent, when she uses the word “No.” AEIOU plays a part of the punchline and it was just nice, in case you’re wondering about these things, to see these co-stars all hanging out afterwards at the Hard Rock, just enjoying each other’s company and the rather tasty delights of fried calamari. (I had some and it was delicious) The interview I did with Zach and co-star Josh Gomez needs to be seen to be believed and shortly you will when I upload the video to celebrate Season 2 of CHUCK when it comes back on NBC at the end of September. If I could give out an award for Person I Would Defend In A Battle of Public Opinion, Zach and Josh would get it just from the standpoint that these guys are genuinely appreciative of where they are and how they got there.

THE BITCH SLAP GIRLS

Hot ladies, a 45 minute interview and conducting it in bed with them. Yeah, I know the other interviewers getting my sloppy seconds conducted the interview in the same manner but don’t burst my bubble. I’m special, dammit. The interview, though, was phenomenally entertaining and this movie looks wickedly exciting. This movie, one that hearkens back to the exploitation films of the 70’s but differs insofar as the script is presumably laden with sharp dialogue and the kind of action you wish Tarantino had employed in DEATH PROOF. As well, this is one of the few movies shot entirely with the Red Camera. The screen shots I saw were sharp, crisp and as the filmmakers explained what they had to go through in getting this done with this heavy piece of equipment I can only hope the film is as good as the ladies made it sound. They were charismatic, beautiful, hilarious and had lots of good things to say about anyone who thinks that making an exploitation movie in the desert would be a part and a half. The stories about where these girls found sand weeks later after the shoot was done is worth the price of admission.

ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO

This was a fascinating panel. I taped it (and will be uploading it soon for your perusal) so you can decide for yourself but Seth Rogan and Company made short work of the geeks and dweebs who wanted to go toe to toe with those on the stage. The clip of the movie that was shown was excellent in that Justin Long was perhaps the best thing about the scene that was shown and, incidentally, makes what would otherwise be your average gay porn actor come to life with such screaming ferocity you would be hard pressed to not think this man enjoyed tube steak on a nightly basis. Everyone in the panel should be commended in just braving the moment they were in and Kevin delivered yet another memorable evening. You half-wonder if he could navigate these things in his sleep as he made it all look effortless.

I also taped the FRIDAY THE 13TH panel and it gets my Surprise award for Panel I Didn’t Think I Would Like So Much. Jason seems to have caught a viewing of Snyder’s DAWN OF THE DEAD as the man looks like he has strapped on his Nike’s and is ready to cut a few people up at a running pace. The footage they showed was minimal but there were a few quality kills in there and the panelists, as you will hear if you decide to listen to it, should have the benefit of the doubt when you think about whether this will be an inspired entry into this series.

And, for fuck’s sake, why aren’t there any accommodations made for journalists who want to cover popular panels? Having to wait in line isn’t such a drag, Lord knows I got in line for the WATCHMEN panel at 6:30 in the morning (Yeah, I am a loser), but Jesus Christ, some kind of effort should be made for people who want to actually write about the big moments of this thing.

July 31, 2008

Ken P. D. Snyde-Cast #54: Wiki Or Won’t He

Filed under: Ken P.D. Snydecast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:09 pm

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Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and FRED’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.

Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.

Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.

VISIT THE SNYDECAST EXPERIENCE

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KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #54: Wiki Or Won’t He – Ken & Dana return with post-Comic-Con tales of gift giving etiquette, reminders of competitions past, declare themselves the world’s most “Multi-poded” podcast out there, and cry out for a crazy uberfan. Oh, and to hell with those bastards at Wikipedia.

[CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #54 (MP3 format)

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SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

Got something to say? E-mail Dana & Ken at the Snydecast mailbag.

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Comics in Context #228: The Bat Who Shot Liberty Valance

Filed under: Comics in Context — admin @ 5:06 am

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On July 21 The New York Times ran an article with the headline “Batman’s Dark Knight Sets Weekend Record.” In the piece reporter Michael Cieply wrote that ” Fevered fans pushed The Dark Knight, the sixth in Warner Brothers’ series of Batman movies, to record three-day ticket sales of $155.3 million over the weekend, ” surpassing the record set by another superhero movie, Spider-Man 3, the previous year. The next day Cieply provided an update: “A final tally raised the three-day box-office sales for The Dark Knight to $158.3 million”.

And yet New York Times movie critic A. O. Scott, who has been a source of exasperation ever since this column began a half decade ago, weighed in on July 24 with a Times essay titled “How Many Superheroes Does It Take to Tire a Genre?”. “Are the Caped Crusader and his colleagues basking in an endless summer of triumph, or is the sun already starting to set?” What an odd way to interpret The Dark Knight‘s extraordinary commercial success. Superhero movies are more successful than ever therefore, they must be in decline. Scott acknowledges not only that The Dark Knight is not only a major financial success but also that it has received considerable critical praise from his colleagues. Nevertheless, Scott says, “Still, I have a hunch, and perhaps a hope, that Iron Man, Hancock and Dark Knight together represent a peak, by which I mean not only a previously unattained level of quality and interest, but also the beginning of a decline. In their very different ways, these films discover the limits built into the superhero genre as it currently exists.”

The key phrase here is, of course, “perhaps a hope.” Other critics welcome Dark Knight‘s thematic ambitions and skill in characterization as signs that the superhero movie genre is maturing and growing in sophistication. For example, another Times film critic, Manohla Dargis, in her July 18 review of the movie, wrote that director “Christopher Nolan’s new Batman movie feels like a beginning and something of an end. Pitched at the divide between art and industry, poetry and entertainment, it goes darker and deeper than any Hollywood movie of its comic-book kind–including Batman Begins,”

However, Scott believes that The Dark Knight states its themes without truly exploring them. Even were that true, Scott, were he more favorably disposed to the genre, would urge superhero filmmakers to go still further in exploring the thematic potential of the genre. Instead, Scott has decided that the superhero genre is inherently too limited for thematic complexity. He just doesn’t like superhero movies, and, as he concedes, he hopes they will go away and stop bothering him. “I don’t want to start any fights with devout fans or besotted critics,” he claims, trying to be conciliatory on the surface but actually marginalizing anyone who disagrees with him as either fanboys whose enthusiasm borders on worship or as “besotted” critics whose emotions override their reason.

Towards the end of his essay Scott observes that “˜’The westerns of the 1940s and ’50s, obsessed with similar themes, were somehow able, at their best, as in John Ford’s Searchers and Howard Hawks’s Rio Bravo, to find ambiguities and tensions buried in their own rigid paradigms.” Scott claims that superhero movies cannot do the same. Yet when classic Westerns such as these came out, the critical establishment was blind to those very “ambiguities and tensions,” and the true complexity and depth of these films was not recognized by American critics until many years later.

Scott has stumbled across an important point, that the superhero genre is a in various respects represents a recasting of the archetypes of the Western for a contemporary urban America. Yet I have the feeling that if Scott had been around in the 1940s and 1950s, he might well have been insisting that Westerns were by their nature shallow entertainments, and disparaging any filmmakers who attempted to infuse them with “ambiguities and tensions” as pretentious.

Scott’s willful ignorance of the genre is also annoying. He claims in his essay that the movie Hancock “which played with the superhero archetype by making him a grouchy, slovenly drunk rather than a brilliant scientist, a dashing billionaire or some combination of the two.” Hasn’t the idea of the typical superhero being either a genius scientist or millionaire playboy been out of date for forty-some years? (All Scott need have done is think back to the Spider-Man movies.) With the Watchmen movie coming out early next year, can’t someone induce Scott to read the graphic novel beforehand? Maybe that will change his ideas about the limitations of the superhero genre. Or will he be blind even to Alan Moore’s sophisticated subtexts? I recall when I showed a comic boom I liked to a friend decades ago, when most adults disdained the medium, and she just started reading the sound effects aloud, unwilling to pay attention to the dialogue or art. Her mind was made up that comics were silly, and therefore she fixated on a convention of the genre she could easily mock.

Since Scott predicted the fall of the superhero movie, The Dark Knight has continued to break records. On July 28 the Times reported that “Among other records it delivered the best second-weekend gross in recent Hollywood history” and “The Dark Knight has sold $314.2 million in tickets domestically in its first 10 days of release, a record”. This is not the start of a decline. This is a sign that the superhero movie has firmly established itself as a 21st century mainstream film genre. In G4’s coverage of this year’s San Diego Comic Con, Michael Uslan, executive producer of the Batman movies and producer of the forthcoming Spirit film, said that we are now experiencing a “Golden Age” of comics-based movies. The evidence, I think, is in his favor.

Critic David Ansen, in his Newsweek review of The Dark Knight, is more open in his insistence that superhero movies should be empty entertainments: “[Director Christopher] Nolan wants to prove that a superhero movie needn’t be disposable, effects-ridden junk food, and you have to admire his ambition. But this is Batman, not Hamlet. Call me shallow, but I wish it were a little more fun”.

I get the sense that history is moving forward, and that Scott and Ansen, in their condescension towards the superhero genre, are being left behind. I might call it a generational divide, except that there are older critics who get it.

For example, Roger Ebert begins off his review of The Dark Knight thus: “Batman isn’t a comic book anymore. Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight is a haunted film that leaps beyond its origins and becomes an engrossing tragedy. It creates characters we come to care about. That’s because of the performances, because of the direction, because of the writing, and because of the superlative technical quality of the entire production. This film, and to a lesser degree Iron Man, redefine the possibilities of the “˜comic-book movie'”.

While I agree with Ebert about the movie, I am dismayed that he felt he had to imply that Batman had transcended its origins as a comic book series, implying that the comics medium is incapable of matching the artistry and depth of cinema. In other words, he seems to be saying that comics are necessarily shallow and superficial; movies can achieve the level of tragedy. Further, he seems to be implying that a “comic-book movie” and a superhero movie are the same thing, as if comics only dealt in that single genre, and as if the movies American Splendor, Ghost World, A History of Violence, Persepolis and Road to Perdition were not all based on comics of the same name. However challenging The Dark Knight movie may be, to my mind it still falls short of masterpieces of Batman comics such as Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns, Alan Moore’s The Killing Joke, and the Steve Englehart-Marshall Rogers Batman collaboration, all of which surely influenced the new film, directly or indirectly. (By calling the film The Dark Knight, Warners may consciously be attempting to associate it in audience members’ minds with the Miller series, since it was he who popularized this name for the Batman.)

But still, Ebert recognizes that as this decade of superhero movies proceeds, filmmakers are pushing the envelope ever further: “Something fundamental seems to be happening in the upper realms of the comic-book movie. Spider-Man II (2004) may have defined the high point of the traditional film based on comic-book heroes. A movie like the new Hellboy II allows its director free rein for his fantastical visions. But now Iron Man and even more so The Dark Knight move the genre into deeper waters. They realize, as some comic-book readers instinctively do, that these stories touch on deep fears, traumas, fantasies and hopes. And the Batman legend, with its origins in film noir, is the most fruitful one for exploration.” Batman debuted in 1939, just before the rise of film noir in the 1940s and 1950s, and it would be pleasant if Ebert gave some of us “comic-book readers” credit for the intelligence to consciously realize that the superhero genre deals in “fears, traumas, fantasies and hopes.” But whereas Scott insists on limiting the superhero genre, Ebert perceives both its great potential and the ways in which filmmakers are exploring it.

As in the past, I continue to be impressed by veteran film critic Andrew Sarris’s open-mindedness towards the superhero genre. Though he admits never having been a comics reader, he seems unfettered by preconceptions about the medium or the superhero genre. Admitting in The New York Observer that “it may seem strange for many that so much weight is being given to a movie about a comic-book superhero,” Sarris nonetheless declares The Dark Knight to be a “masterpiece,” acknowledges that “the moral despair in The Dark Knight has moved me so strongly” and asserts that “after The Dark Knight, I may have to rethink my past reservations about Mr. Nolan’s place in the 21st-century cinema”.

To my mind, The Dark Knight is a far greater achievement than its director/co-writer Christopher Nolan’s previous movie about the character, 2005’s Batman Begins, which I found disappointing in various respects (see “Comics in Context” #89: “Batman Reboots”).

One of my biggest problems with Batman Begins was its failure to properly portray its principal villains. The film’s Ra’s al Ghul–both the Asian Ra’s in the beginning and the “real’ Ra’s later on–lacked the regality, the sense of sinister force, and the sheer presence that the character should convey. (It’s certainly not impossible: think of Ian McKellen as Magneto, Christopher Lee as Saruman, or Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort, whose performance is growing in me with repeated viewings, among recent on-screen villains.) The Scarecrow’s brief reappearance at the beginning of The Dark Knight serves as a reminder of the first film’s failing. He returns with his grotesque mask, and yet doesn’t seem intimidating or eerie in the least. Compare this to the way that Jeffrey Combs makes a chilling impression from his first moments voicing the Scarecrow in “Never Fear,” a 1997 episode of the classic Batman animated series. So I worried that Nolan was simply incapable of handling the operatic dimensions of Batman’s larger-than-life villains and would similarly blunder with the Joker.

But Nolan surprised me by turning Batman Begins‘ greatest flaw into The Dark Knight‘s greatest triumph, through the late Heath Ledger’s remarkable performance as the Joker.

Nolan and actor Aaron Eckhart handles Two-Face effectively, though he does not rise to the heights of Ledger’s Joker. I was particularly pleased with Nolan’s first revelation on-screen of Two-Face’s scarred facial features. At first Nolan teases us: we think Eckhart is going to turn his head to show us the scarred side of his face, but he doesn’t; it reminded me of the unmasking scene in Lon Chaney’s Phantom of the Opera (1925), with its similar suspenseful feints before the grand unveiling. Finally, Eckhart turns his face fully, and the makeup surpassed my expectations. capturing the grotesquerie of some of the most memorable depictions of Two-Face in the comics.

One might have expected that Two-Face would get to be the lead villain of his own Batman movie. But, as I will show, it’s necessary to the thematic structure of The Dark Knight that Harvey Dent not only becomes Two-Face in this movie but even goes through a complete character arc ending with his apparent demise by the film’s end.

As for Ledger’s Joker, as other reviewers have observed, this is the post-9/11 Joker. He blows up a hospital; through bomb threats and actual assassinations, he forces the evacuation of Gotham City. It is as if the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center were followed by a sustained series of terrorist assaults on New York City. The Joker of The Dark Knight thus becomes the realization of nightmare scenarios inspired by 9/11. In the movie Alfred, Bruce Wayne’s butler and counselor, points out that the Joker doesn’t abide by rationality: he wreaks havoc just for the sake of seeing a city “burn.” This points to suspicions I suspect that many of us have about the real life terrorists: that despite their professed ideologies, their real motivation is pleasure in inflicting mass destruction.

Amazing as Ledger’s performance is, and as different as it is from previous on-screen characterizations of the Joker, I am not going to claim that it renders previous actors’ portrayals of the character obsolete, as some reviewers have suggested. Granted, I’ve never been a fan of Cesar Romero’s comparatively harmless Joker in the 1960s Batman TV show. But I happened to see the part of the 1989 Batman movie on television the same day I saw The Dark Knight, and was paying attention to the more sinister aspects of Jack Nicholson’s performance as the Joker. When I saw The Dark Knight there was a big audience reaction when Ledger’s Joker rams a criminal’s head onto a pointed pencil, a sign of the character’s sadism; I had forgotten that Nicholson’s Joker kills an enemy much the same way, impaling his forehead with a quill pen.

Batman first appeared in 1939 in Detective Comics; the Joker debuted the following year in Batman #1. These are iconic, archetypal characters who have proved capable of being interpreted in numerous ways. Nolan and Ledger’s version is a Joker for the post-9/11 period, but that does not invalidate different approaches to depicting the character.

Romero’s and Nicholson’s Jokers, and the Joker as so memorably voiced by Mark Hamill in the 1990s animated series, are all showmen. They turn crime into performance art, and they always seem to be “on,” always putting on a show, whether for their henchmen or Batman or the entire city, when delivering one of their threats over the airwaves. They may be killers, but they’re also trying to make their audience laugh. These Jokers are over-the-top extroverts, and there’s something appealing about their boisterous laughs and high spirits even as we may be appalled by their crimes.

Nolan is said to have based his Joker on the character as he first appeared in Batman #1, the grim serial killer who did not laugh, and whose smile seemed more like a death’s head grin. In a radical departure from previous Joker portrayals, contrast, Ledger’s Joker seems introverted, quiet, even laid back. He occasionally laughs loudly, but not all that often. Ledger’s Joker isn’t putting on a performance: he is only interested in amusing himself through manipulating the people–and the city-at his mercy. His sense of humor is more clearly something that is entirely his own, unlike anyone else’s, his own perverse, ironic, cynical way of looking at his fellow man. If there were such a person as the Joker, he would more likely be like Ledger’s Joker, someone cut off from the sensibilities of other people, someone with a sadistic sense of humor that is wholly his own. This creepy self-centeredness is what makes Ledger’s Joker seem more truly demented than the supposedly crazy Jokers of Nicholson and Hamill.

One of the most striking differences about Heath Ledger’s Joker is the coloring of his face and hair. It’s referred to as “makeup” in the movie, yet when Ledger’s Joker is in police custody, his makeup is not removed. That suggests that it can’t be, and that, as in the comics and the 1989 movie, the Joker’s face and hair have been permanently discolored by chemical wastes.

But in the comics and the 1989 movie, is it really credible that those chemicals could have so nearly dyed the Joker’s face chalk white, his lips red, and his hair green, making him look as if he had made himself up to look like a circus clown? Ledger’s Joker is the first one I’ve seen who looks as if he were the victim of a horrible accident. The chalk-white face color isn’t solid: in closeups you can see through, here and there, to his original Caucasian skin hue. The red on his lips no longer looks like lipstick; instead, it looks like a thick red smear across his myth and the scars to either side.

Something that many writers don’t seem to get is the power of mystery. Sam Hamm’s screenplay for the 1989 Batman film gave the Joker a real name, Jack Napier (“Jackanapes,” get it?). In contrast, in offering an origin for the Joker in The Killing Joke, Alan Moore did not give him a real name, and even made clear that this was only a “possible” origin story for the character, who may tell different accounts of his past at other times. In other words, the reader may accept or reject this origin as he or she likes. By not giving the future Joker a name, Moore may have been implying he was an everyman figure, or that the horror that drove him to become the Joker could do the same to anyone. More importantly, if the Joker has no real name and no definite origin, then it is as if the Joker is the only identity he now has, as if he is cut off from humanity, as if he is some mysterious evil force. Batman is grounded in humanity through his alter ego, Bruce Wayne; in the Joker’s case, it is as if his original human identity has ceased to exist.

Following this idea, Dark Knight‘s director/writer Christopher Nolan has repeatedly referred to the Joker as “an absolute”. I very much like the scene in the police station in which we learn that the Joker can’t be identified through fingerprints, dental records or even DNA samples: this is the 21st century version of utter anonymity. In The Dark Knight the Joker also gives differing accounts of how he got his scars, suggesting that Nolan is carrying on Moore’s idea that the Joker is an unreliable narrator of his own past.

At one point the Ledger Joker shows off his “card,” a Joker. But it’s not the typical playing card Joker figure that looks like a medieval court jester. Instead the Joker on the card looks like a laughing devil, complete with a tail. That’s appropriate, since the Joker in Batman is a modern descendant of the vice figure in medieval drama, a figure of evil who, as the drama evolved, also became the principal comedy character.

The Vice’s original dramatic function in medieval morality plays was as a tempter of human souls. One of The Dark Knight‘s primary innovations in portraying the Joker us to cast him as a tempter. As Roger Ebert realized, “He’s a Mephistopheles whose actions are fiendishly designed to pose moral dilemmas for his enemies.”

Nolan and Ledger’s Joker also fits the Vice mold in that the Vice will cause trouble simply for its own sake. Shakexpeare’s Iago, a descendant of the medieval Vice, is notorious for what the poet Samuel Tayloir Coleridge called his “motiveless malignity.”

Hence, the Joker sets a series of challenges for Batman and the people of Gotham City, forcing them into positions in which they have to make painful moral decisions. The Joker’s apparent goal is to expose morality as a fraud, and compel people to choose self-interest over the fate of others. He says at one point, “These civilized people, they’ll eat each other.” The Joker is out to demonstrate that the rest of humanity is on his moral level; the difference is that he admits it and they don’t.

This begins with the Joker’s first criminal scheme in the movie, in which he has organized a team of criminals, disguised by clown masks, to rob a bank. The Joker has also arranged for each member of the team, once his function is fulfilled, to be shot dead by another team member: in the end, the Joker himself, wearing one of the masks, kills the final member of the team. We learn later in the movie that the Joker doesn’t care about money; perhaps he regarded his real triumph in this case to be inducing each of the criminals to betray the others. No honor among thieves, indeed.

Later, the Joker declares that he will continue killing people every day unless Batman publicly reveals his true identity. Despite Alfred’s counsel that the Joker can’t be trusted to stop his killing spree, Bruce Wayne is unwilling to let anyone die if he can help it, and is willing not only to reveal his dual identity but also to go to prison, since Batman is wanted by the police. In the end, the Joker is thwarted when an unexpected alternative is found, and Harvey Dent announces that he is Batman. (Watching this part of the film, I wondered, is he Spartacus, too?)

Stiil later, the Joker simultaneously puts both Harvey Dent and assistant district attorney Rachel Dawes in peril, forcing Batman to choose which of them to rescue. (Ironically, the Joker is unaware that Batman is Bruce Wayne and is in love with Dawes.) Again, Batman solves the problem by coming up with an slternative that perhaps the Joker hadn’t considered (though it is fairly obvious), sending Gordon to saved Dent. (Perhaps the Joker sought to learn more about Batman by seeing who he would choose to rescue himself.) But in the end the explosives go off, killing Dawes before she can be rescued.

Finally, the Joker threatens to blow up the bridges and tunnels leading out of Gotham City, the city begins evacuating people by ferries. The Joker announces that he has planted explosives on two of the ferries, one carrying convicts and the other carrying ordinary people, and that he will blow both ferries up at midnight. However, each ferry is provided with a trigger for detonating the explosives on the other ferry. The Joker claims that if either ferry’s passengers blow up the other ferry, he will spare the survivors. It seems as if some of the convicts are willing to blow up the other boat, whole people on that second boat argue that the convicts don’t deserve to live as much as they do. But in the end, the passengers on neither ferry are willing to blow up the other, apparently hoping for a miracle. And the miracle occurs: since Batman succeeds in besting the Joker, neither ferry blows up. Batman forces the Joker to confront this fact: he attempted to prove the darkness of human nature by corrupting hundreds of people on the ferries and failed. Similarly, the Joker recognizes that he has failed to corrupt Batman himself.

Even apart from the challenges he explicitly sets, the Joker’s very presence in Gotham serves as a temptation to Batman. One of the key lines in the movie is the repeated observation that in time a hero eventually becomes a villain. How often in Batman stories in different media have we seen Batman threaten to drop a criminal from a great height unless he gives him certain information? We never see Batman drop the criminal, and so most of us probably assume he’s bluffing. But in The Dark Knight, when Batman so threatens Boss Maroni, the latter calls his bluff, saying the fall wouldn’t kill him. But Batman wasn’t out to kill Maroni but to hurt him, and drops Maroni, who lands painfully on his legs; the audience at my screening was audibly shocked. Does Nolan mean us to think of the contemporary controversy over the U. S. government’s use of torture? Does he mean us to think that Batman is going too far? Similarly, when Batman interrogates the Joker at the police station. Batman begins punching him, but Nolan does not stage the scene in a manner to invite the audience to enjoy the Joker’s punishment; instead, Nolan emphasizes the brutality, and makes certain we see that Commissioner Gordon, looking in, is horrified. And yes, the Joker ends up telling Batman where his men are holding Harvey Dent and Rachel Dawes captive, but it becomes apparent that the Joker wanted Batman to go after them, and the Joker reverses their locations. So what good did that torture via beating accomplish?

Towards the movie’s end, Wayne’s confidant Lucius Fox is shocked to discover that Wayne has found away to monitor all the cell phones in Gotham City. Contending that this is too much power for any man to have, Fox declares he will resign once the Joker crisis is over. Does Nolan mean us to think of the current administration’s vast expansion of warrantless wiretapping? Is he, perhaps, alluding to V’s similar wall of TV screens, enabling him to look through the fascist government’s omnipresent “Big Brother”-style video cameras in Alan Moore’s V for Vendetta? Or the real life video monitoring system that the British government installed after Moore wrote V? Could Nolan even be alluding to Batman’s satellite monitoring of metahumans in the comics some years ago (said to be returning in the forthcoming Justice League movie)?

But Dark Knight‘s Batman does not ultimately succumb to the temptation of misusing his own power. He instructs Lucius Fox to enter his (Fox’s) name into the monitoring system after the Joker crisis is over, and this causes the system to self-destruct. In other words, Batman/Wayne only temporarily assumed this power over people’s privacy to defeat a massive threat to their security, and then gives up the power once the need is over. One reviewer referred to Alfred and Lucius Fox as serving as Batman’s “consciences,” so it’s appropriate that it is Fox’s name that destroys the monitoring system.

Moreover, perhaps we are meant to contrast the Joker’s final fate in the movie with Batman’s earlier treatment of both the Joker and Maroni. At the end, Batman lets the Joker plunge from a high building, but then saves his life, suspending him upside down. (Earlier the Joker had hanged Batman in effigy; now Batman “hangs” the Joker without killing him.) The Joker is responsible for killing Rachel Dawes and turning Harvey Dent into Two-Face, yet the Batman resists any temptation to avenge them by killing him.

There’s a tradition in the Batman movies from 1989 on of killing off most of the major villains. It’s ironic that The Dark Knight keeps the Joker alive, as if setting up his return in a sequel. That was presumably the original plan: the Joker even says in his last scene that his feud with Batman will go on eternally. Since Heath Ledger died after completing the movie, it’s now unlikely that Nolan and Warners would attempt to recast the role in the current series of Batman movies, forcing a different actor to compete with Ledger’s extraordinary performance. Will Ledger posthumously become the first actor to win an Academy Award for playing a role that originated in comics?

The character who fails the Joker’s moral challenges is Harvey Dent, who, as in the comics, starts out as the idealistic District Attorney who is out to clean up Gotham City. Bruce Wayne regards Dent as the potential savior of Gotham City, the man who can do a better job of ridding it of crime through legal means than Batman can through vigilantism. Once Wayne’s girlfriend, Rachel Dawes is now in love with Dent. Perhaps Dent, in this movie, can be seen as Wayne’s doppelganger, showing what might have happened had Wayne chosen to fight crime as a lawyer or a government official instead.

But this one man, Harvey Dent, proves all too vulnerable. After being captured by the Joker’s men, half of Dent’s face burns and is horribly scarred. His disfigurement and the murder of Rachel surely push him to the brink of madness. Then, disguised as a nurse, the Joker confronts Dent in the hospital and pushes him over the brink. As Two-Face, Dent’s crusade against crime is twisted into a series if murders of those he holds responsible for Rachel’s death. Thus Dent becomes a corrupted version of Batman, the crimefighting vigilante, crossing the moral line that Batman refuses to. This ultimately leads to Two-Face’s clash with his thematic doppelganger Batman and to his death. (Or so it seems. Two-Face’s fall may not have been as lethal as it looked. See here)

The Joker, as tempter, won a major victory by corrupting the crusading district attorney Harvey Dent, turning him into the criminal Two-Face. Batman is determined to deprive the Joker of his victory and is adamant that the people of Gotham need the image of Dent as incorruptible champion of the law. Therefore, at the end of the movie, Batman insists that Gordon blame him–Batman–for the murders Two-Face committed, so that Gotham will look up to Dent as a martyr to the cause of law and order.

I’m not the only person who has noticed the resemblance here to the ending of John Ford’s The Man who Shot Liberty Valance (1962). (See, for example, here). In that movie, it is Tom Doniphon, the character played by John Wayne who actually shoots the outlaw Liberty Valance dead. But the public believes that the hero was Ransom Stoddard, the lawyer played by James Stewart, who eventually rises to become a United States Senator. As in The Searchers, Wayne’s character, who takes the law into his own hands, is necessary to rid the territory of evil so the rule of law may take root. But once a society governed by law arises, the gunslinger has no place in that world. Doniphon allows Stoddard to take the credit for killing Valance, because Doniphon recognizes that he belongs to the past, and Stoddard, and the rise of law and government, are the wave of the future. Years later, when Stoddard returns to attend the now forgotten Doniphon’s funeral, he tells the local press the true story of who killed Valance. The members of the press, acting very unlike members of the press, decided to bury the story; as one of them famously puts it, “When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.” It is more important to them that Stoddard still be credited with the heroic act that launched his political career. Ford’s earlier Fort Apache (1948) ends similarly, with Wayne’s character continuing to speak of his deceased former superior officer, played by Henry Fonda, as a hero, even though the movie has shown that the Fonda character was a martinet who was responsible for leading his troops into a disastrous massacre.

As I said earlier, Scott had hit upon something important by comparing superhero movies with Westerns: Dark Knight seems to be invoking Liberty Valance. Batman is the vigilante who operates outside the law, who seeks to preserve the good reputation of Harvey Dent in the hope that Harvey’s memory will inspire the people of Gotham to rise up against crime through legal means, thereby rendering Batman’s vigilantism unnecessary.

Fort Apache and Liberty Valance appear to advocate this “print the legend” philosophy. But arguably both films actually advocate the opposite. In both Ford reveals the truth behind the “legend,” thereby indicating it is better that we know that truth. At the end of Valance, Senator Stoddard seems trapped in a lie that falsely gives him credit for the heroism of another man, who has died in poverty and obscurity.

Nolan’s Batman films radically differ from the comics in depicting Batman’s motivation. In the comics, traditionally, Bruce Wayne takes a vow to battle all criminals when he is a young boy, right after the murder of his patents. From childhood on he is driven to pursue this goal. Some stories, including Paul Levitz’s origin for the Earth-2 Batman’s daughter, the Huntress, and the animated film Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993), have indicated that if Batman/Bruce Wayne found fulfilling love, he would no longer feel the need to continue his crusade against crime. Other stories, such as Englehart and Rogers’ tales of Silver St. Cloud (see “Comics in Context” #84: “Dark Definitive” among others), and Tim Burton’s first Batman movie (1989), instead shows that love would not deter him from his self-appointed mission. Frank Miller’s Batman: The Dark Knight Returns shows that if Bruce Wayne ended his costumed career, he would be left an empty shell of a man. The Dark Knight Returns and its sequel, The Dark Knight Strikes Again, also show that Batman would continue his crimefighting career well into middle age, as long as he was physically able. The animated series Batman Beyond presents an elderly, wizened Bruce Wayne, still dedicated to his mission, even if he must now work through a young costumed protege. In short, it is difficult to imagine the Batman of the comics ever turning aside from his lifelong crimefighting career. His dedication to it is arguably an obsession, and it may end only with his death.

In sharp contrast, Nolan’s Batman Beyond presented Bruce Wayne as a lost and directionless youth, who merely became fixated on killing his parents’ killer, Joe Chill; once Chill was assassinated by someone else, Wayne had no goal in life until his childhood friend Rachel Dawes turned his attention to combatting crime in general, and Ra’s al Ghul subsequently molded him into the warrior he became.

In Batman Begins, as in Miller’s Batman: Year One, Batman is learning on the job how to operate as a costumed vigilante. In The Dark Knight Batman has mastered his new career and has become the commanding figure we know from the comics.

But, rather surprisingly, Nolan’s Batman can not only envision the end of his costumed career but actively seeks to bring it to an end. Nolan’s Bruce Wayne supports Harvey Dent as district attorney because he comes to believe that Dent is a truly dedicated man who can break the grip of crime on Gotham City. Indeed, Dent succeeds in bringing Gotham’s mob bosses to trial.

It appears, then, that the Bruce Wayne of The Dark Knight regards Batman as a necessary only in a Gotham with a dysfunctional system of law and order: the corrupt Gotham depicted in Batman Begins–and in Batman: Year One–in which James Gordon seemed to be the only honest cop. It’s rather like the Robin Hood legend, in which nobleman Robin of Locksley turns outlaw, battling the Sheriff and Prince John–only until good King Richard returns and restores the rule of law. The Bruce Wayne of The Dark Knight hopes to make Batman obsolete: if Harvey Dent can clean up Gotham City through legal means, then Wayne will happily retire Batman.

Moreover, The Dark Knight gives no indication that Bruce Wayne would become that purposeless, self-destructive man from Miller’s Dark Knight Returns if he gave up being Batman. The Bruce Wayne of The Dark Knight believes that once he ends his other life as Batman, he will be free to marry Rachel Dawes. However, she is intent on marrying Dent instead, a secret that Alfred keeps from Wayne, even after Dawes’ death, perhaps believing it is necessary for Wayne to think that a happy life with her was indeed a viable alternative for him, and that he was not necessarily doomed to be alone.)

So Bruce Wayne is in the position of Tom Doniphon from Valance, and Harvey Dent takes the role of Ransom Stoddard. Wayne is the man who takes it upon himself as Batman to battle outlaws, who makes it possible for Dent, like Stoddard, to bring about the rule of law through the government, making Batman unnecessary. The parallel even extends to Rachel Dawes, since Vera Miles’ character in Valance is originally in love with Doniphon but ends up marrying Stoddard.

In the movie Dent repeats the line that the night is darkest before the dawn. I expect that Nolan wants us to spot the pun here: Batman is the Dark Knight, whose presence is necessary to bring about the dawn, the new period of a Gotham that rises above the mire of crime, that Dent, this secular Messiah, promises to bring about.

Nolan’s Bruce Wayne even seems to regard Batman as a necessary evil. Nolan establishes early in the movie that there are various incompetent Batman wannabes in Gotham, attempting to imitate Gotham’s new vigilante. Batman disapproves of them. One Batman wannabe is later captured and apparently killed by the Joker, demonstrating that it is dangerous to try to imitate Batman.

I suspect it’s not just that this movie’s Batman wants to keep imitators out of danger, but that he doesn’t want people to treat him as a hero at all. By insisting that Gordon blame him for the murders that were actually committed by Dent as Two-Face, Batman ensures that the public will not think of him as a hero. If indeed Batman wants to bring about a Gotham City in which he will be unnecessary, then it makes sense that he does not want to be acclaimed as a hero, or to inspire any imitators. Batman operates outside the law because the law, compromised by government and police corruption, is ineffective in stopping crime; in the world he wants to bring about, in which the law regains its effectiveness, there is no place for a vigilante who operates outside the law. Bruce Wayne would hardly end up in poverty or obscurity, but his alter ego, Batman, would be “dead,” just as Tom Doniphon is.

There is further irony. It was Dent who kept predicting that a hero eventually becomes a villain, as he himself ended up doing. The Batman, however, begins to overstep moral bounds, but by the film’s end has pulled back. Yet he pretends to have turned villain in order to conceal Dent’s own villainy.

The moviemakers have it both ways: the people of Gotham City may regard Batman as a murderer and criminal, but Commissioner Gordon makes a stirring speech to his son, praising Batman as a true hero, willing to sacrifice his own reputation, and, of course, the audience will agree with Gordon. Is there a certain moral confusion here, though? If vigilantism is wrong, and the people of Gotham shouldn’t look up to Batman as a hero, then why should we?

Moreover, Gordon and Batman are engaging in a cover-up of the truth about Harvey Dent. Do cover-ups ever truly work? Doesn’t the truth eventually emerge? Is it ever really for the best to conceal wrongdoing in order to preserve someone’s public image?

Alfred is engaged in a cover-up as well. He has read the letter that Rachel Dawes gave him before her death, explaining that she will not marry Bruce and that he should not count on her to give him a normal life once he gives up being Batman. Alfred decides not to give it to Wayne. Perhaps Alfred believes Wayne is better off continuing to regard Rachel as a sort of muse and inspiration, continuing to believe that it would have been possible for him to give up being Batman and lead a normal life with her. But would it be better for Wayne to come to terms with the truth?

Does Nolan believe that these cover-ups are necessary? Or is he setting up another sequel. in which the lies will be exposed (especially should Two-Face return from his seeming grave)?

In The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance Tom Doniphon perpetrates a lie that works; he rids the territory of its most dangerous criminal, and makes it possible for lawyer Ransom Stoddard to become a hero in his place, to lead the territory into statehood, and to establish civilization and the rule of law there. Doniphon makes tremendous sacrifices: he never gets his rightful credit for killing Valance, he loses the woman he loves to Stoddard, and he dies impoverished and nearly forgotten, his time having passed. But the film indicates that those sacrifices were worth it. In the framing sequence of Ford’s film, the vision that Stoddard had, of law and civilization, has come to pass and is firmly established.

But what about the sacrifices in The Dark Knight? When critic Andrew Sarris writes of the “moral despair” in The Dark Knight, he seems specifically to be referring to the fates of “Mr. [Aaron] Eckhart’s Harvey Dent and Ms. [Maggie] Gyllenhaal’s Rachel Dawes. Their deaths are testaments to the omnipotently anarchic evil of Ledger’s Joker. And for once, Bruce Wayne/Batman, for all his wiles and wizardry, is unable to save either Dent or Rachel, when earlier Batmen could have rescued them with a climatic swoop of their Batmobile, and have thrown in a wedding for the two virtuous lovers besides.” Sarris is quite right. The death of Rachel seems to have had something of the same effect that the death of Gwen Stacy had on Marvel readers in the 1970s: a violation of the conventional genre expectations that the leading lady will never die, and a shocking sign that happy en dings are no longer guaranteed. Consider too that in Bill Finger’s original Two-Face two-parter in the 1940s, Two-Face’s sanity was ultimately restored, as were his handsome facial features.

Rachel and Harvey each represented Bruce Wayne’s hopes for the future: that Harvey could release Gotham from the grip of crime, that he could make Batman unnecessary, that Rachel would someday marry Bruce. With Rachel and Harvey both dead, Bruce now seems trapped in his role as Batman.

Batman is determined to conceal Dent’s transformation into Two-Face and to keep the image of Harvey Dent, crusader against crime, alive. That image, Batman appears to think, will motivate others to believe that the fight against crime and corruption in Gotham is not hopeless, and to carry on Dent’s crusade.

Arguably, this Batman needs to believe in the memory of Harvey Dent himself, so as not to concede that the war on crime is hopeless.

Still, Batman is perpetrating a lie and an illusion, deceiving the people of Gotham, supposedly for their own good. But at the movie’s end, with Harvey Dent dead, his case against Gotham’s criminal bosses has apparently collapsed. There us no sign that anyone will take Dent’s place or that Gotham will indeed be freed from criminal domination. Doniphon died knowing that his sacrifice had borne fruit. It remains an open question whether Batman’s sacrifices will bring about that new dawn that Dent prophesied.

And Batman too is the victim of illusion. Just as he and Gordon have deceived Gotham about Harvey Dent, so too Alfred has deceived Bruce Wayne about Rachel Dawes, in order to preserve his illusion that she would one day have married him.

So Bruce Wayne/Batman is trapped in lies, trapped in what may be his endless one-man war on crime, and he has willingly forfeited the support of the very citizenry if Gotham that he has saved from the Joker. Ebert is correct about the tragic aspect of The Dark Knight.

But Sarris is not entirely correct about the film’s “moral despair.” The Joker, that force of anarchy and amorality, remains alive, but the Batman has thwarted him for now. Batman has transcended the temptation to abuse his own power. Dent’s legacy is his appointment of the honest James Gordon as Police Commissioner. And, most importantly, those two ferryloads of Gothamites, some criminals, some not, passed the moral challenge that the Joker set them. There us hope in Gotham City after all. But one cannot rely on a single savior like Harvey Dent. The struggle of Batman, Gordon, and their fellow Gothamites to save their city will be a longer, harder struggle than they had hoped.

ADVERTISEMENTS FOR MYSELF

However condescending some of today’s critics may be towards comics, matters were far, far worse in the 1950s, when comics were widely accused of contributing to juvenile delinquency, the comics industry was investigated by Congress, and hundreds of comics professionals lost their jobs. Columbia University professor David Hadju recounts this dark period in disturbing detail in his new book The Ten-Cent Plague: The Great Comic-Book Scare and How It Changed America. You can find my review of the book in the July 7 edition of Publishers Weekly‘s online newsletter Comics Week. It has taken a half century for comics to recover and progress to the point that it is now no surprise to see graphic novels taken seriously in the pages of Publishers Weekly, The New York Times and other leading publications.

LINKS IN THE AMAZON CHAIN

You can find Hadju’s book at Amazon here.

As for one of my own books, since much of this week’s column is about the Joker, I’ll recommend The Supervillain Book: The Evil Side of Comics and Hollywood, edited by Gina Misiroglu and Michael Eury. Published by Visible Ink, this is an encyclopedia of supervillains in comics, film and television, for which I was a contributing writer.

–Copyright 2008 Peter Sanderson

July 30, 2008

Comics & Comics: Bring on the Baddies!

Filed under: Comics and Comics — admin @ 11:24 pm

COMics & Comics 31208- lOGO

Howdy Inter-Webbers. I’m Matt Cohen, and I dig villains.

Sure, I enjoy the occasional hero now and again, but since an early age I can remember enjoying – if not empathizing – with Comic Book super villains. There is something so infectiously addictive about reading the exploits of men and women (and other creatures… I mean, we are talking comics here, folks) who have zero shame, zero pretenses, and zero morals. When a character is not tethered by worries and fears, when they are a being of pure purpose and driven to that goal, there is some level of primal thinking in all of us that goes, “I wish I could do that.” Not necessarily committing crimes and taking over the world, but rather the attraction to living a free and guiltless life. It seems, well… Fun.

But, shockingly enough, no mainstream comic company has ever dedicated an ongoing series to a supervillain. Sure, there are some exceptions and slight distinctions (Thunderbolts), but for the most part baddies are relegated to supporting appearances and one shots.

Not anymore, they’re not.

With the help of the world famous Jesse Rivers, I have put together a list of books coming out this year (IN OUR IMAGINATIONS… fun ) that showcase the badguy in all of us (and, more specifically, in the Marvel and DC universes)

And so, without futher ado, Jesse and I present you with our slate of upcoming series, all starring those we love to hate… Supervillians!

Reading glasses, kids.

Born on a Monday:

Starring: Solomon Grundy

Premise: How would you feel if you knew you couldn’t die? Happy – nay, thrilled, one might think. One hasn’t met Solomon Grundy, then. Set in the backwoods and marshy bayous of southern Louisiana, BORN ON A MONDAY gives us a closer glance at the man who can’t die. Grundy doesn’t want fame, he doesn’t want money, and he surely doesn’t want power. As a man who can’t die, he simply wants what he can’t have – Peace. Set to the gorgeous and somber pencils of Mike Mignola, this will be a modern fairy tale that leans heavily on the tragic side. You won’t want to miss it.

Artist: Mike Mignola

The Lizard:

Starring: Dr. Curt Conners

Premise: Jeckyl and who? For years, one of the most compelling figures in comicdom has been the heart wrenching tale of Dr. Curt Conners, the man who would be the Lizard. A simple man who fooled with things beyond his understanding and wound up paying the ultimate cost. By day a conflicted and brilliant scientist searching for a cure to his madness – By night, a bloodthirsty monster bent only on carnage and destruction. Told in a sprawling, traveling type tale, The Lizard finds Dr. Conners on the run across the backwoods of America, from the authorities, the superhero community, and worst of all – Himself. Can Curt find a cure before the monster overshadows the man?

Artist: Bernie Wrightson

Hellfire Club:

Starring: Sebastian Shaw, Donald Pierce, Harry Leland, Mystique

Premise: The most powerful, the wealthiest, the most influential private club in the world has seen better days. Sebastian Shaw resides over the remnants of what once the most cunning and threatening force in the mutant universe. His queens are dead or in prison. His rooks decimated. He and three men are all that remain. All the money and social/political ties in the world can’t bring the once glorious club out of its slump. It seems all hope is lost for the storied Hellfire Club. That is, until a new queen comes into town. Black? White? More like blue. That’s right, Mystique is now the leader of Hellfire, and you all know the saying… Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Artist: Jim Lee

Latveria:

Starring: Dr. Doom

Premise: We’ve seen plenty of books about Victor Von Doom, arguably the greatest supervillan in Marvel Comics history. Plenty of them. What we never see are books about the lives Doom affects on a daily basis. A lot of people forget, but besides from being an ego-maniacal supervillian bent on conquering earth, Doom is also the leader of a nation. And that nation is made up of many interesting and diverse characters who both worship and revile their glorious leader. LATVERIA is simply that, a look at the small landlocked European nation from the top to the bottom, from Victor Von Doom himself to the lowliest serf who lives in his mighty shadow. Take a peek behind the iron curtain. You might be very surprised what you find.

Artist: Alex Ross

The Axis:

Starring: Red Skull, M.O.D.O.K, Sin, Crossbones, Arnim Zola, Baron Zemo, Batroc the Leaper

Premise: With the death of Steve Rogers, the members of his rogues gallery faced a dire dilemma. What do the world’s most hell-bent villains do when they have accomplished their one and only goal? Sell their services to the highest bidder, of course. A villainous “Heroes for Hire“, each issue will find the Axis trying to bump of a villain’s caped archenemy (for a hefty fee). Had enough with your respective foe? Just give the Axis a call. And let’s face it… They killed Cap. Does anyone else really stand a chance? (Guest starring everyone’s favorite Frenchie, Batroc the Leaper, as the Axis’s “neutral” contact on the outside world.)

Artist: Jack Kirby


Taskmaster:

Starring: Taskmaster

Premise: The Anti-Booster Gold. Taskmaster, the deformed and devious (and yet freakin’ hilarious) villain, has decided that he is too much man for one time period. With the help of a stolen time travel device (Dr. Ivo really should lock his doors at night) and a laundry list of targets, Task travels through time gathering powers and fighting techniques (and causing all sorts of mayhem) from famous heroes and infamous villains alike. Where is Task headed? Only to some of the most beloved and well known stories in comic book history! When Gwen Stacy got thrown off the bridge, Task was there. When the Beyonder decided it was time to hold a Secret War, Task was there. When Jean Grey bit the dust (both times), Task was there. In fact, Taskmaster is damn near everywhere. The question is… Will you be?

Artist: Joe Madureira

Mad Love:

Starring: Joker and Harley Quinn

Premise: What happens when you mix a sociopathic clown, his longtime girlfriend, a stolen red convertible, and the open road? You’ve got the premise for the delightfully twisted new love story “MAD LOVE“. Joker and Harley Quinn take off from Gotham with only their sick minds to guide them, and there is no telling what these two lovestruck psychos will get into. WIth dazzling artwork by comic great Darwyn Cooke, this book is sure to please even the most jaded fans. Romance has never been so damned complicated.

Artist: Darwyn Cooke

Arkham:

Starring: Vandal Savage, Mr. Zsasz, Weather Wizard, Dr. Light, Calendar Man and Gorilla Grodd

Premise: PRISON BREAK with powers. Five men (and one ape) decide they have had enough of being incarcerated in Gotham’s most notorious “Looney Bin” and hatch a plan to escape. Only problem? Let’s face it – If there was only one problem, they’d be out by now. Join us each issue as we continue the episodic saga of six villains who only want their freedom… or are there other motives behind the breakout? With more twists then a roller coaster, be sure to tune into what will become the gold standard for serial sagas.

Artist: Dave Gibbons

The Wonderfully Woeful Misadventures of Mr. Mind:

Starring: Mr. Mind

Premise: The evilest kids book around! Told in the style of a Dr. Seuss story, each issue follows Mr. Mind on his quest to destroy earth and enslave all humanity. He’s so cute! Marvel as Mr. Mind ravages alien planets. Amaze as he conquers lost civilizations. Drop your jaw as he shops for those tiny spectacles he is so fond of wearing. And remember – “Death, destruction, all at one time – Just come along with Mr. Mind!!!”

Artist: Jeff Smith

Hatter:

Starring: The Mad Hatter

Premise: After years of being viewed as a joke, as a gimmicky c-lister obsessed with hats and frankly out of his mind, Jervis Titch has had a revelation. He is not mad, rather it’s the world that lacks sanity. In a fit of eerie calm, he burns all his hats save one. We all know Jervis has dabbled in mind control on the past, but what happens when one can control one’s own mind? And what if that mind is a jumbled mess of psychosis and paranoia? The Hatter is not so mad anymore… no, he’s the mellowest he could ever be. And he has a mission. To cure the world of its inherent insanity. His method? One murder at a time… A shocking and graphic relaunching that will propel an oft laughed at buffoon into one of the most dangerous and evil villains comic books has ever seen. Be there… If you can stand the madness.

Artist: Matt Cohen

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If only the above were true folks… If only. We’re working on it. Like what we came up with? Hate it? Leave a comment in the message section and be heard from the herd.

Tune in next week for a look at the new film STEPBROTHERS. I promise, there will be fun had.

And as always kids,

“Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

–Matt Cohen is currently wondering why he doesn’t write comics for a living.

–Jesse Rivers is currently wondering why he is billed under Matt Cohen

Cabin Fever #33: Turty Tree and a Turd

Filed under: Cabin Fever — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:01 pm

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cabin.jpgOh no! Just when you thought it was safe to hang out at the Quick Stop…

Cabin Fever (hosted by the twisted souls Brian Fitzpatrick and Aaron Poole) is the result of having too much time on your hands and access to your local community radio station.

Over the course of an hour, they manage to trawl the depths of good taste, plus throw some music in. How much more could you want from a podcast?… Quality? Oh… we didn’t think of that.

Enjoy! And we hope our cross Atlantic friends can understand the Irish accent πŸ˜‰

Hugs and Kisses,
Aaron P. + Rev. Fitzy

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CABIN FEVER #33: Turty Tree and a Turd – This week the lads get perplexed by a man’s sexual habits, get shocked by what two girls do with their Wii, and get a little spoiler happy with the new X-FILES movie. There is music from Moth Complex and, as always, plenty of things you won’t want your kid to listen to. Disgusted? So are we.

[CONTENT WARNING]: Explicit contents! We say every naughty word you can think of. You have been warned!

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #33 (MP3 format)

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Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

Got something to say? E-mail Aaron & Brian at the Cabin Fever mailbag.

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Toy Box: SDCC 2008 – The Best and Worst!

Filed under: Toy Box — admin @ 2:27 am

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Another year, another San Diego Comic Con goes by. For many years now I’ve been braving the crowds and crazyiness to savor all that is the nerd prom, and I always enjoy myself. This year, the entire show sold out in advance – no tickets were avalable on site. I don’t know of any other public convention where that occurs, particularly since we’re talking around 125,000 advance ticket holders.

Here again is my Top 10 best and worst aspects of this year’s con. And while I’ll be complaining about some things (it is our nature after all), please let me say that the positives of the experience greatly outweight the negatives. Let’s get to the list!

Number 10 Best – The panels of course. While I’ll be the first to admit that overall the panels this year weren’t quite as blockbuster as last year, I did attend some terrific ones. I think this is the first year they’ve ever held any panel in Hall H that was television show themed, but both the Heroes and Lost panels were fantastic and filled to capacity. We got to see the entire first episode of this seasons Heroes (with lots of great answers like who shot Nathan Petrelli and plenty more interesting new questions), and while the Lost guys never tell us much, at least they do it in a Hell of an entertaining way. I also enjoyed panels on the Venture Brothers, Robot Chicken, Terminator: Salvation, Pixar’s next film Up, and Disney’s next animated release, Bolt.

Number 10 Worst – The lines for the panels, of course. Hall H wasn’t too bad, even when the lines were long. That’s the thing about lining up almost 7,000 people – it’s one HELL of a long line, but you all get in. In fact, I got in line at 9:45 am for the 10:30 am Heroes panel, thinking I’d never get in (the lenght of the line was awe inducing), and yet I made it in on time with room to spare. I plan on turning the experience into a uplifting documentary film called Waiting. I smell Oscar.

But other rooms were not so lucky, and there were great panels in the other rooms. This year, 6CDEF was particularly bad, and by Friday morning I realized that I was more likely to have a pleasant experience with Hall security than seeing anything in the large combined room.

Number 9 Best – The celebrities. Comic-con is becoming the place to pimp your show/movie/projecct. I didn’t see a lot of celebs wandering the flow (Scott Adsit from 30 Rock was there, as was Dennis Miller, and Triumph the Insult Dog was enjoying himself), but the panels had everyone from Matthew Fox, to the entire cast of Heroes, to Chris McCulloch (creator of Venture Brothers, and voice of Hank Venture). It appeared as though all were having one Hell of a great time, too.

Number 9 Worst – The crowd. This was particularly obvious on Wednesday night. It appears as though they are selling just as many tickets for Wednesday as any other day…but there are no panels or other activities to pull people away from the main floor. Add to that all that geek adrenaline that’s been pent up for 360 days since the last Comic Con, and you get one large, pushy, annoying crowd. At some point they have to look at moving to a larger location, perhaps in Vegas, or the show may simply implode to form the first nerd black hole.

Number 8 Best – My introduction to the Flight of the Conchords. Actually, this has nothing to do specifically with the con, but while I was there my nephew had me watch the entire first season DVD’s. And they kick ass. If you tend to like weird, off beat comedy, and particularly if you like novelty music, you should check it out. I am da Boom King. And the Hip Hoppopotamus.

Number 8 Worst – getting a Mattel or Hasbro exclusive. The demand was high, and neither booth could truly accomodate it. Hasbro went with an approach where you had to get a ticket at one location, and that ticket told you when to go to the booth to buy your exclusives. However, this just meant you got to stand in one long line to be given the opportunity to go stand in another long line.

Mattel committed the cardinal sin of switching how they did their distribution during the middle of the con. First, they started out simply selling them first come first serve up to an alloted amount each day. This means long, painful lines of course. Then, a couple days in, they switched to passing out raffle tickets early, and going to the booth later in the day. While this second approach was less painful, the confusion caused by the switch created some serious fanboy animosity. There was much grinding of teeth and cursing of mothers.

Number 7 Best – All those wonderful costumes. This is a chance to let your geek flag fly, and fans unfurl them with great gusto. Oh, some of those flags shouldn’t be waving quite so proudly, but that’s for them to work out in therapy later. Big points to the folks that get and imaginitive in their choice of characters. To do a great costume requires a) that you pick a recognizable character, but not one that TOO obvious and b) that you take into consideration your own body and look. If you weigh 80 pounds soaking wet, I wouldn’t recommend dressing up as He-man. And while the title of the movie might have been ‘300’, that doesn’t mean weighing 300 pounds makes you an ideal Spartan.

Number 7 Worst – The sheer number of Jokers this year. I bet that probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise to you…so I’m not sure why so many folks thought that it would make for a creative and interesting look. Oh, there were some guys there that have been doing the Joker for years, and they do it extremely well (such as this guy in the photo), but there were dozens and dozens around making all of them a whole lot less special. On the flip side, big props out to the guys dressed as the Monarch’s henchmen, Bender, and Black Manta.

Number 6 Best – The Sideshow Freaks party. I attend a number of parties during the week, and none are as much fun as the one put on by the Sideshow Freaks. This forum is ran by fans of the company, and has a wonderful relationship with the people there. The party has lots of great giveaways, food, drink, and lively conversation with some great folks.

Number 6 Worst – The latest step in the evolution of the show – video games. Comic Con started out almost 40 years ago exactly as the name implies – as a convention for comic book fans and creators. As the comic book characters began to merge with other forms of entertainment, like film and television, it was only natural to begin seeing more of that content included at the show as well. During the 90’s, the action figures and other collectibles based on the characters became so popular the the makers of these took over half the main floor, pushing comic book companies and dealers into a smaller and smaller area. Over the last 4 or 5 years, a new trend ermerged, with the producers of video content shoving out everyone else, and this year the same main floor that was once entirely dominated by comic book publishers and then dominated by toy makers, is now dominated by film and television companies like Warner Brothers, Paramount, Sci-Fi Channel, ABC Family, and many others. The next big thing that will dominate is already clear – video game companies. Companies like Konami have figured out that their target audience is here too, and their presence expanded quite a bit this year. They aren’t dominating anything yet, but just wait – the war between video games, movies and television for the best Comic-con real estate is only beginning. I’m sticking this under the ‘worst’ category not because I have anything against video games, but because the show risks trying to become everything pop culture, and pop culture is a tremendously broad category. When the breadth of the show gets to expansive, the depth will get more and more shallow, making it less interesting for the hard core fans of any one sub-genre, and even more crowded and painful in general. I can almost hear the sucking sound of that black hole now.

Number 5 Best – For me, seeing some really cool items that I might not have otherwise pre-ordered is always high on the list. There are always a number of items that I might think look okay in photos, but when I see them in person I realize I must have them. This year, the stand outs were items like the 18″ Hellboy with Big Baby by Mezco, the Watchmen figures (both small and large) from DC Direct, and the new Hot Toys Lost Predator.

Number 5 Worst – For my wife, seeing some really cool items that I might not have otherwise pre-ordered is always high on her list. I think this goes without saying.

Number 4 Best – New and interesting mediums being exploited for geek content. I attended one panel on a new series of ‘mobisodes’ being produced by CBS in conjunction with Marvel.com, based on an original story from Stephen King called ‘N’. These are done in a sort of comic book style with voice overs, and are designed to be viewed on mobile devices. I also attended a panel on original content being produced for the Xbox Live. They are starting out with a series of short horror-comedies directed by some well known names in the horror genre, like James Wan and David Slade. I’m always up for interesting and creative concepts to deliver cool content, and it’s nice to see companies exploring different ways to bring even more entertainment into our lives, rather than just re-distributing content we’ve already seen in another medium.

Number 4 Worst – Convention food. There are no conveinent fast food restaurants near the convention center, so most of your outside choices are more expensive and hard to get in to with all the crowds. Your inside choices are pretty much limited to things like Mrs. Fields cookies and $3 cans of Coke. You really don’t know what bad overpriced food is until you’ve had a $7 convention hamburger, made from only the choices cuts of road kill.

Number 3 Best – Sideshow announced and showed the second figure in their 12″ Indiana Jones line – Belloq. As always, there’s a regular and an exclusive. While many people are going to immediately wonder why they’d go with such a secondary character so early, there is a very positie aspect to it. Going with someone like Belloq over others does imply they expect to be doing quite a few figures in the entire series, much like their Star Wars line. He also looks exceptional, and the exclusive ‘environment’ is going to really add to the overrall Indy display.

Number 3 Worst – Sideshow DOESN’T announce any additional figures in their 12″ Lord of the Rings line. No Gimli. No Merry. No Pippen. I suspect this is bad news. Very bad news. You might want to pick up an extra Sam and Frodo now, and befriend someone that can sculpt…it might be your only chance to get the other two hobbits into your collection. And Gimli? That’s going to be a pickle, but you can always pick up the old Toybiz version and swap out some costume parts. Not getting the full nine would be one of the great action figure tragedies (not that any action figure tragedy is all that tragic), and I’m far less confident that we’ll be seeing them now.

Number 2 Best – Connecting with old friends and making new ones. One of the best things about this hobby is the people I’ve met over the last 15 years, and SDCC is a wonderful way to connect with folks from around the world. It’s always great to put faces to names, and to realize they’re all just as big of a dork as you are.

Number 2 Worst – finding a damn hotel room that doesn’t require a bank loan to afford it. While there are plenty of folks from San Diego and Los Angeles who attend the show, there’s even a greater number that fly in from all around the world, and the close hotels – those within a mile or so – realize that the supply of their rooms doesn’t come any where near meeting demand. And what does that mean? Prices go up, insanely so, during the Con. Even at the high prices, good luck finding one.

Number 1 Best – Sideshow’s annonced and showed the 12″ Darth Vader and Stormtrooper. Has any fan base waitd this long for a A list Star Wars character to make it into a particular line before? We finally get armored Star Wars figures from Sideshow, and they look terrific.

Number 1 Worst – I don’t have one. For all the issues that crop up every year, I have to say that I love every show. Yes, it’s crowded, and if you can’t handle mingling with your fellow man I’d stay away. But if you’re looking for the ultimate geek experience, I highly recommend it.

And since I’m always asked, here are some photos of the best looking new figures/busts/statues I saw at the con, other than those already shown above and in no particular order. Any questions, just drop me a line at mwc@mwctoys.com, and if you’d like to see more photos of the things that were on display, hit my coverage.

July 29, 2008

San Diego Comic-Con 2008: ZACK & MIRI MAKE A PORNO Panel

Filed under: Articles — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:26 am

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Hello children. Georgia Malone reporting from my first Comic Con – and not just San Diego. I’ve never seen anything like this before. But, as a favor to a friend, I agreed to give you a report from the only panel I felt sober enough to attend, The Zack and Miri Make a Porno panel hosted by Kevin Smith.

Kevin showed a clip of the upcoming film featuring two surprise casting choices which resulted in cheers, giggles and gasps of disbelief!! “OMG!!! NO WAY!!!! SPOILER!! The Mac guy is Superman’s boyfriend!! And WTF?? They just totally kissed!!!”

After the clip, Kevin took the stage as moderator and introduced his panel: Scott Mosier, Ricky Mabe, Justin Long (Surprise!), Katie Morgan, Traci Lords, Jason Mewes, Seth Rogen, and Elizabeth Banks. He immediately began taking questions.

  • Question #1. How essential is film school? Well, Kevin thinks film school is not all that essential and said that he would rather sink the money into a picture. Seth added that he doesn’t think people should have to go to REGULAR school either.

  • No big stories to tell about the production of Zack and Miri except that Kevin ate a lot, gained a shit ton of weight and it fucked with his asshole quite a bit. Seth said, “same thing. When movies go well there is never a good story. It was boringly enjoyable. If I have one more fucking great day, I’ll kill myself.”

  • Two kids dressed as Jay and Bob asked “if you’re having trouble with the censors, when those problems arise, how do you decide what has to go?” Kevin said that the NC -17 was disappointing, and he feels that the movie is a hard R, but not an NC-17. He trimmed the movie two other times and feels he’s gone as far as he can go without fucking with his original vision of the movie. The MPAA is going to battle over 2 scenes/about 12 seconds of film. Kevin explained that one scene contains a lot of thrusting and the other contains something so fucking unspeakable that no one can even see it. He reminds us that ratings are for our own protection.
  • What is it like to be working under Kevin Smith? Elizabeth said working for Kevin was “joyful but if you’re really under him it’s hard to breathe.” Seth didn’t think so, if you get your elbows underneath. Justin thinks Seth is a natural bottom. Jason is used to being under Kevin and sucks his balls.

  • Katie says that Kevin is by far the most amazing director she’s ever worked for. Kevin reminded her that she’s only worked for one other director. Seth, reminded Kevin, “yeah but that guy’s made like 700 movies.”

  • SPOILER!!! Justin remembered that when he had to Kiss Brandon Routh, he had a temperature of 102. Despite Brandon’s confidence that he never gets sick, Justin was shocked to learn that Brandon became extremely ill after they shot the scene. Seth wondered whether Justin felt powerful knowing that his kiss made Superman sick . . .”Like Superman 2 sick!”

  • Ricky said he was just a kid from Canada who was happy to be there.

  • Jay Mewes doesn’t know when he’ll be in another movie because he sucks at auditions.

  • At the microphone, someone asked Kevin how he managed to create two of the most loveable characters in cinematic history. “How did you make them so loveable?” The answer yelled out from the crowd . . . “Marijuana!!”
  • The “Crazy for Cult” Art show will have more of the same kind of art that was featured last year.
  • Seth admits to smoking marijuana, but not while he’s filming. “The days are just too long, but pretty soon after we’re done filming . . .”
  • Kid at the microphone says “my mom’s here, so I’m going to pretend I don’t know who Katie Morgan is.” Then, he asked Kevin, “How do you shoot sex? In your other movies, they talk a lot.” Kevin said that he wanted it to look better than his other movies, and said that he and Dave Klein worked hard so that this one looks like a real movie. At the same time, he said that nobody wants to see his version of sex . . . He’s a bottom. He explained in great detail what sex with him would look like and noted, “It should be an AWESOME ride home with your mom.”
  • Guy in a Snoogans shirt from the Medieval Times Restaurant in Buena Park was astonished that they tore down the Mooby’s set from Clerks II, and wondered whether Kevin would ever open a chain of Mooby’s restaurants. Kevin said that they had to get rid of the stench from the donkey show and that he has no intention of ever entering the food service industry. He said that he worked hard to get out of the food service industry and that he doesn’t want people like him working for him.

  • Kid asked Kevin how he picks the songs for his movies. Kevin acknowledged that he picks the songs by listening to his iPod. Seth and Justin were impressed with the kid’s three-way nun chucks.
  • Kevin agreed with the audience member who suggested that society has become more accepting of adult humor. In response to her follow-up question, he says that the only subject that he feels is too raunchy for him to touch in his movies is “rape.” The crowd shouts out reminders of the movie Vulgar. Kevin is astonished by the “pro rape” members of the audience and cautions the women to exit the other side of the building.
  • Any more sequels to Jay and Silent Bob? Kevin says “No. Probably not. Maybe in 10 years.” Seth suggests, “Coming in 2010—Jay Rapes Silent Bob.” But, Kevin doesn’t think there is anything for them to talk about even when they are in their 40’s, and it would be sad if Randal and Dante were still clerkin’.
  • Traci acknowledged that she is notorious for her earlier experiences in adult entertainment because she was a “child star” in the porn industry, but she maintains that the events around her 18th birthday were very complicated. Kevin called her the Miley Cyrus of porn.

  • How does Kevin deal with all of his crazy fans? “From behind a microphone, usually.” He feels that stalkers are born out of an inability to access the object of their affections, but “you can’t get away from me.” Seth encouraged people to stalk him and send him their hair.
  • The inspiration for Zack and Miri came in 1996. He said that his movies are all a little bit like porn, in that “anybody can make ’em.”
  • Kevin acknowledges that he didn’t have a problem with the casts’ improvisations because Seth and the others were able to give him usable stuff. He complimented everyone saying that they were very gifted at making their adlibs sound like they were coming from the characters he had written.
  • After moderating a BSG panel the previous day, Kevin reported that he was not able to get Lucy Lawless to tell him who the final Cylon is.
  • And then there was the one and only Green Hornet question of the day: Have Kevin and Seth shared any notes or insights? They said that they haven’t really talked about it. Kevin mentioned that Seth had more freedom in writing his script, and Seth added that it’s not weird that projects go from person to person around town among comedy writers. He said that it’s an incestuous group. He also said that Sony’s only note to him was that Kato had to be Asian.
  • Kevin is not planning to make any documentaries, and Scott does not have a sweet ass camper anymore.

  • The Holy Christ Smodcast was just a joke. They are not making a film about a 100ft Mos infused with the power of Satan or about Jesus who knew Judo and Satan who only knew old fashioned fisticuffs boxing. They had fun talking about it, but it’s just “not a feature.”

  • Kevin is writing a Batman miniseries for DC that Walt Flanagan drawing.
  • He did not give Bruce Willis a hard time for not writing back on Jersey Girl. “Does that question even need answering at this point?”
  • Kevin said he would love to write a Court Room Drama someday and laughed at the idea of a Court Room Drama Musical? He was totally serious about writing and directing a courtroom drama movie, btw.
  • He said he is working on expanding his visual style and that it took him a long time to care about the way his pictures looked. He mentioned that we should be able to see evidence of it in the upcoming Red State and in his next movie after that. Next MOVIE after Red State? WHAT?!?! He said it was too early to give any details, but he did mention that it is “set in space.”
  • Elizabeth said that playing Laura Bush is just like playing a porn star . . .only the hair is different. Seth pointed out that she wouldn’t have to change her name.

  • Ricky said that he loves boobies.

  • Despite one audience member’s enthusiasm, Kevin is doubtful that the “Porno Comedy” genre will take off and get it’s own section at Blockbuster. But if it does happen, he said, “we will all remember this moment.”

  • And finally, to the one last kid who didn’t get to ask his question because the Comic Con employee jumped in the line and asked his question instead . . . just wanted you to know that I noticed, and you’re right. It was bullshit. That guy was a douche bag.

That’s all I have for now, kids. If you need me, I’ll be in the bar.

-Georgia

July 28, 2008

SModcast 59

Filed under: SModcast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:05 am

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Your TextSModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.

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SModcast 59: Frosh Meat –

In which our heroes battle bargain-hunters, jealous lovers, the danger of dills, and misty, water-colored memories of the way they were.

[CONTENT WARNING] SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
SModcast 59 (MP3 format) – 61.40 MB

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Wanna add your two cents? Spend it here, in the SModcast mailbag.

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Win NIM’S ISLAND on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:49 am

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We’re giving away, in conjunction with Fox Home Video, two (2) copies of NIM’S ISLAND on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Monday, August 4th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Monday, August 4th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

TV Or Not TV: 7/28 – 8/3

Filed under: TV Or Not TV — admin @ 12:20 am

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Hello everyone. My name is Will Wilkins, and I love comi”Β¦um, I mean, television.

Now that we are easily over the hump of the summer slow-down it is nice to see that cable still has a few new choices for us to sample. This week, however, the main choices are on channels you may not usually peruse.

Tuesday night marks the return of Eureka on the Sci-Fi Channel. This is Eureka‘s third season and the show is one I would refer as good and quirky fun. If you aren’t familiar with the premise, I can break it down for you pretty well. A Federal Marshall (played by Colin Ferguson) ends up getting assigned duty as the Chief of Police for the small and hardly known town of Eureka. This town is actually the home of a massive government program to nurture the best minds of the country (and partially subsidized by questionable corporation Global Dynamics) so what you wind up with is a scientifically advanced micro-society that every week offers up a new type of mystery or problem for the Chief and the rest of the cast to solve.

Sunday night people will have to choose who they prefer more, Tommy Lee or Pamela Anderson with the premiere of both of their new shows at 10 PM. Tommy Lee will be facing off against rapper Ludacris to see who can affect he most change to going green on Planet Green’s Battleground Earth (not to be confused with the John Travolta flop Battlefield Earth). Pamela Anderson will be starring on the E! channel with her own reality show Pam: Girl on the Loose. I’m sure both channels are equally hard to find so good luck in making your pick in this face off of the former sex tape Titans.

Now let’s take a look at what else the week has to offer.

MONDAY

SCIFI “β€œ 9:00 PM: Star Trek: The Next Generation goes time tripping in the early days of San Francisco in Time’s Arrow, with both parts 1 and 2 airing tonight. I’m always a sucker for time travel stories, and this one was particularly interesting since it kicks off with Data‘s head being found in caves under the city. You also can’t resist a story that brings in none other than Samuel Clemens (or Mark Twain as he’s more commonly known).

HIST “β€œ 9:00 PM: Prehistoric Monsters Unleashed using CGI, location footage and scientific input to bring us some of the lesser known dino’s. One of them is the anomalocarus, which resembles a shrimp but is seven feet long. The closest thing I’ve seen to a shrimp that size was at the buffet at the Bellagio.

TUESDAY

CW “β€œ 9:00 PM: Tonight’s repeat of Reaper is one of my personal favorites from last season. Sam‘s gay demon neighbors want to exploit his relationship with the Devil to try to trap the Father of Lies. Seeing as how with no Devil there’s no show, you can imagine how this might end up.

AMC “β€œ 8:00 PM: One of the few tolerable Jean-Claude Van Damme movies airs tonight. Timecop was a good idea that was well executed and stays entertaining from beginning to end.

HIST “β€œ 9:00 PM: Paleontologists bring us a look at a prehistoric cannibalistic predator from the island of Madagascar on the series premiere of Jurassic Fight Club. Now there is a show with a name that can really grab ya!

SCIFI “β€œ 9:00 PM: As mentioned above, it’s the season premiere of Eureka. The show returns with the hunt for a drone that is on the loose (not to be confused with Pamela Anderson’s Girl on the Loose).

WEDNESDAY

NBC “β€œ 9:00 PM: Baby Borrowers ends its run tonight with the teen parents now caring for the elderly. This one is bound to tug at your heart strings.

A&E “β€œ 10:00 PM: Although his stuff is not my cup of tea, Criss Angel’s Mind Freak has its first ever live show where Criss is trying to escape from locks and chains in a building set to implode. I’m not sure who to root for.

THURSDAY

FX “β€œ 8:00 PM: If you have been living under a rock or you’ve just awoke from a coma and need to get caught up on all the hype you can watch Batman Begins tonight and then see The Dark Knight at your local mega-plex tomorrow.

FRIDAY

USA “β€œ 9:00 PM: Monk is sunk as he investigates a murder aboard a submarine. It’s claustraphobitastic!

SCIFI “β€œ 8:30 PM: In the much hyped season finale of Doctor Who we find out what happens to the injured and much loved Time Lord as he had begun to regenerate in the last episode. US fan’s have had to wait a month to see this, as it already aired in the UK on July 5th, so enjoy.

SATURDAY

I’ve been looking at the schedule for the past hour. After all that time I can only come up with one recommendation”Β¦

STARZ “β€œ 9:00 PM: Gone Baby Gone is the directorial debut of Ben Affleck. It also just happens to be a stellar film with outstanding performances given by the entire cast. If you have Starz I highly recommend that you watch this film.

SUNDAY

VH1 “β€œ 10:00 PM: You knew it would happen sooner than later. Hulk Hogan accompanies his daughter to Spring Break on a very special Brooke Knows Best.

Planet Green “β€œ 10:00 PM: As mentioned above, it’s Tommy Lee vs. Ludacris as they try to make the world a greener place in Battleground Earth.

E! “β€œ 10:00 PM: Also mentioned above, Pamela Anderson is once again in front of the lens with her reality show Pam: Girl on the Loose.

– Will Wilkins needs to learn that you can’t keep making something sound better by making it end in “β€œtastic!

July 25, 2008

Weekend Shopping Guide 7/25/08: Far Out Spaced Nuts

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The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

The Brits have a knack for taking the tired old sitcom format, blowing it up, and creating some absolutely brilliant television. Those bastards. Most definitely to be included in their long line of triumphs is Spaced, a show about a pair of twenty-something slackers – Tim & Daisy (Simon Pegg & Jessica Stevenson) – who pose as a professional couple in order to get a North London apartment. Sure, Tim could be a comic book artist if he tried, and Daisy’s quite a good writer, but being successful in either of those careers would mean applying themselves… By, of all things, *working*. Gah! With a gaggle of off-the-wall friends and acquaintances, if you think of it as a twenty-something Seinfeld with a postmodern pop culture twist (there are frequent surreal diversions) you wouldn’t be far off the mark. After much legal wrangling, fans and soon-to-be fans in the US can now pick up Spaced: The Complete Series (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP). In addition to the audio commentary, outtakes, feature-length behind-the-scenes documentary, deleted scenes, trailers, raw footage, and galleries found on the original UK release, the US set also includes brand new commentaries featuring special guests Kevin Smith, Quentin Tarantino, Matt Stone, Diablo Cody, and more. Try out the show – I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Those clever bastards.

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I have a massive photo and slide archive. Ridiculously large, actually. And like anyone in this modern age, I’d like to digitize it. Unfortunately, digitizing that much material with old-school flatbed scanner adapters or standalone scanners has been a pain ass. Well, get one of these nifty 35mm Slide & Negative Digital Converters ($99.99) like I did and burn through scanning those archives. It’s got an easy-to-load film & slide caddies, fast scan time, and a snappy interface – plus it can scan at up to 1,829 DPI. Perfect.
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If you want a sure sign that an action figure line has gotten traction, a good indicator would be that they’ve been successful enough to begin releasing a second wave. Such is the case with Bif Bang Pow!‘s incredible line of figures based on the cult classic Flash Gordon movie. The first of those second wave figures to hit the street features Flash himself in his iconic T-Shirt, along with the green football-like thing from Mongo ($16.99 SRP). The sculpt – based on a design by Alex Ross – is about as movie-accurate as one could hope for, and only gets me more excited to see where this line will go.

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Every comic book series seems to be getting the snazzy deluxe treatment nowadays – with some bewildering choices – but certainly deserving of the honor is Mike Mignola’s Hellboy. The clothbound, hardcover Hellboy Library Edition: Volume 1 (Dark Horse, $49.95 SRP) contains the first two Hellboy mini-series – “Seed Of Destruction” and “Wake The Devil” – printed in oversize 12″x9″ with brilliant reproduction. There are even a clutch of bonus materials, including a sketchbook. Perfect for the library, and you’ll be counting the days until the release of volume 2 this Fall.

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After months and months of taunting and numerous delayed release dates, finally – FINALLY – we see the release of Comedy Central’s short-lived surreal gem, TV Funhouse (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$26.98 SRP). Created by Robert Smigel and Dino Stamatopoulos, it was a bizarre, low-rent Saturday morning kiddie show for adults, featuring appearances from Smigel’s Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog. The 2-disc set features all 8 episodes, plus audio commentaries, outtakes, behind-the-scenes footage, video commentary, and more.

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I admit to really loving the deluxe, hardcover, archival editions that Dark Horse has been releasing of titles I never thought would get that kind of treatment – namely the Gold Key runs of both Doctor Solar and Magnus: Robot Fighter. The complete run of Solar is contained within 4 volumes (Dark Horse, $49.95 SRP each), and the totality of Magnus is in 3 (Dark Horse, $49.95 SRP). All 7 are lovingly restored and presented, and ready for a place of honor on your shelf. They’re pure 60’s bliss… Think of them as the Mad Men of comics.

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Before Family Guy decided to jump on the bandwagon, Adult Swim’s Robot Chicken decided to venture into a galaxy far, far away for a bit of a good-natured puncture. With full cooperation from Lucasfilm, Robot Chicken: Star Wars (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP) left no Wookie unturned. The special edition DVD features an audio commentary, featurettes, deleted scenes, galleries, panel presentations, and more.

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There’s no Kurosawa quite like overlooked Kurosawa, and that’s what makes his taut, high-tension High And Low (Criterion, Not Rated, DVD-$39.95 SRP) such a delight. Starring Toshiro Mifune as a wealthy man who’s plunged into a ransom nightmare when his family is kidnapped, it plays like a Japanese Hitchcock flick. The newly-remastered 2-disc Criterion edition features an audio commentary, a making-of documentary, a video interview with Mifune, trailers, and more.

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Set in a dystopian Los Angeles in the not-too-distant future, Duck (Westlake Entertainment, Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP) stars Phillip Baker Hall as a man who sets out on a quest to find purpose and a sense of community in the urban sprawl, accompanied only by a mallard named Joe. Bonus features include an audio commentary, interviews, and more.

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Certainly living up to its name, Earth: A Biography (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP) is an in-depth look at the history of the planet upon which we all reside, from its formation to its current state, with all of the serendipity, change, and cataclysms in-between.

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James Caan may have departed, but Tom Selleck more than fills his shoes in the fifth season of Las Vegas (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP), which by this point has become a Sin City take on The Love Boat. It’s a shame that this also proved to be the show’s final season, as I’m still interested to see how Selleck’s reinvigorating presence would have shaken things up. The 4-disc set features all 17 episodes, plus an effects featurette, gag reel, and NBC.com webcasts.

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So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

-Ken Plume

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July 24, 2008

Ken P. D. Snyde-Cast #53: Fleet Feet And All You Can Eat

Filed under: Ken P.D. Snydecast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:10 pm

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Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and FRED’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.

Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.

Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.

VISIT THE SNYDECAST EXPERIENCE

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KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #53: Fleet Feet And All You Can Eat – Ken & Dana return with another installment to both baffle and alienate, as they launch into a discussion of the late, great Jack Benny before announcing the potential launch of their own little nerd Olympics. Then they answer the great buffet debate, before winding things down with a very special message.

[CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #53 (MP3 format)

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Got something to say? E-mail Dana & Ken at the Snydecast mailbag.

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Masters Of Song Fu #1: Final Challenge Voting Begins

Filed under: Masters Of Song Fu — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:08 pm

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We here at Quick Stop Entertainment are true lovers of music, in all its forms. We’re also quite keen on the spirit of competition, and of spurring creativity through said competition.

To that end, we’ve launched a brand new form of creative combat here at the Stop.

In this age of manufactured and painfully earnest talent contests, we’ve decided to instead shine a light on the quirky, quixotic underworld of musicians that don’t get nearly the attention they deserve.

Ah, but I did mention that there was a competition involved…

A few weeks back, we sent out the call for challengers. Hundreds of you heard the call and fought for a chance to be in the initial group. 20 were selected. Only 19 responded in time.

Like a songwriting version of Iron Chef, the challengers were presented with a very specific songwriting challenge. They were given one week to complete their songs – however they saw fit, within the parameters set forth below…

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ROUND 1 CHALLENGE

You must do a song in the style of a classic television show. Not only that, but this song is the theme for a fictional television show about yourself (or your band). By “classic television show” theme song, we mean the type of themes found in shows from the 1960’s – 1980’s (ie Gilligan’s Island, Cheers, The Fall Guy, Diff’rent Strokes, Welcome Back Kotter, Greatest American Hero, Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, The Facts Of Life, Green Acres, Gimme A Break, The Monkees, etc.). Your theme song must include both lyrics and music. It must run no shorter than 30 seconds, and no longer than one (1) minute.

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When all was said and done, only 16 of the 19 Challengers were able to send in the songs in time. You voted HERE. The TOP 7 vote getters then moved on to Round 2. Here’s the challenge given to our 7 Semi-Finalists…

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ROUND 2 CHALLENGE

Here’s where we step things up a notch. Your challenge is to write a song that utilizes a repeating syllable (ex: la, na, doo, etc.). The syllable must repeat at least 5 times in a row (ex: la la la la la). The resulting “repeated syllable” phrase can appear anywhere in your song, but must be repeated in full at least 3 times within the song. Also, this challenge includes a thematic element. Your song must feature a conflict between two (2) elements, provided below. You must choose one (1) element from COLUMN A and one (1) element from COLUMN B.

COLUMN A
—————

Santa Claus

Miami Dolphins

Stephen Hawking

A Beach Towel

High School Physics

Albania

The Color Orange

A Toothpick Factory

Marc Singer

Hydroponics

———————————————————————–

COLUMN B
—————

Dracula

Linux

Pudding

Coupons

Scabies

Cosplayers

Your Kindergarten Teacher (must be named)

Albert Camus

Non-Alcoholic Lager

Doc Hammer

Your song must be at least 1m45s in length. Finally, your song must be an ORIGINAL CREATION, both music and lyrics, and can not utilize or sample a preexisting work.

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You also voted on the contributions of our three Masters, eliminating one. Two Masters remained, and they were presented a special challenge of their own. Their entries were also be voted on by you, the readers. The winner of the Masters Challenge is the one who dueled with the winning Challenger.

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ROUND 2 MASTERS CHALLENGE

The following challenge applies to our Masters of Song Fu only. As Masters, it is expected that they have achieved a musical voice all their own – but does their mastery extend to assuming the voice of another artist? With that in mind, Each Master is tasked with writing a song in the style of their opponent. The Masters will be judged on how accurately they write a song in their opponent’s style without it becoming a simple parody. When listening to their entries, you must genuinely believe that they were written by the original Master. Got that? The Master’s songs must also be no shorter than 1m45s.

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Well, you voted on the Round 2 Challenge HERE. Your Challenger was Jeff MacDougall, and the Master he had to face was Jonathan Coulton. They were both presented with a final challenge…

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FINAL CHALLENGE

THE REIMAGINING (aka THE RECKONING): For this final duel between Master and Challenger, we’re going to combine a little bit of all the previous challenges. For this ultimate show of skill, adaptability, and personality, you will be given a preexisting song. Your task is to completely reimagine that song with your own lyrics and music – while retaining the same basic story and at least some sonic “cue” or “quote” from the original tune (a short phrase or series of chord changes; the key word here is “brief”). THIS IS NOT A COVER – you are crafting something more akin to an homage, but with your own creative voice. Here is the song you’ll be reimagining:
DAVID BOWIE: “SPACE ODDITY”
You will be judged on how closely your reimagining hits the basic “story points” – spaceman goes up, spaceman talks with control, spaceman goes for a walk, spaceman disappears – but beyond that, anything goes.

The song must be at least 1min 45sec, and must be an original creation.

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Below, you’ll find the Final Challenge songs from both Jeff and Jonathan, as well as the lyrics and some background on their creative process. You will then be able to place your final votes and determine Round 1’s MASTER OF SONG FU!

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MASTER OF SONG FU

JONATHAN COULTON

songfu-01.jpgJonathan Coulton on Jonathan Coulton: “In 2005 I left my day job writing software to pursue music full time. To keep myself busy I released a new song on this website every week for a year in a project called Thing a Week. A few of those songs became big internet hits (my folky cover of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”, a funny video called “Flickr”, a song called “Code Monkey”), and I am now fortunate enough to make my living as a musician.

I write about a lot of geeky stuff because I am a geek. Some of it’s funny, but a lot of it’s not so funny, and even more of it is somewhere in between. I’ve been compared to They Might Be Giants, Barenaked Ladies, Loudon Wainwright III, and other musicians you REALLY LOVE.

I give lots of music away because I believe it helps my cause, and I love it when people use my music to create other stuff – music videos, pictures, remixes, etc. At the moment I’m unsigned, and I’m proud to say I’ve created this whole thing mostly on my own (with plenty of help from an amazingly supportive bunch of fans). But it certainly is getting busy… I will probably sell out and go Hollywood any day now…”

Official Website: www.jonathancoulton.com

FINAL CHALLENGE SONG: “Space Doggity”

“You’re right, I almost went with the first monkey in space, but I didn’t want to be accused of going overboard with the monkeys. So I went with the first dog in space instead.

Her name was Laika and she went up in Sputnik 2. In doing my research I discovered that Russian scientists recently released the truth about what happened to her during the launch, which is that she died just a few hours into it, and not after a week as they originally claimed. She died from stress and overheating (the cooling system malfunctioned and it was 104F in there) but mostly she died from being LAUNCHED INTO SPACE IN A FUCKING ROCKET.

I thought it would be much nicer if instead Laika gave scientists the finger, stepped out in a spacesuit and then disappeared. Whereabouts unknown…”

Lyrics:

The cage is very small
A tiny silver ball
That makes you a hero
The moment you step inside
The world is watching you
What you’re about to do
Will live on forever
Even though you’ll be dead
And gone
Buckle up
We’re about to turn the engines on.

Boyoyoing

Hello from Sputnik 2
I am receiving you
Thanks for the dog food
I’m somewhere above you now
Guess what Malashenkov?
I took the collar off
I’m holding my own leash
And walking myself outside
This door
I don’t think
I want to be a good dog anymore.

Now I’m floating free
And the moon’s with me
And it’s bright enough
To light the dark

And it’s so high up here
And the stars so clear –
Are they close enough?
Will they hear me bark from here?

Moscow to Sputnik 2
I think we’re losing you
Your life signs are fading
We can’t really say that we’re
Surprised
It’s a shame
There is always something that gets compromised

Now I’m floating free
And the moon’s with me
And it’s bright enough
To light the dark

And it’s so high up here
And the stars so clear –
Are they close enough?
Will they hear me bark from here?

ROUND 2 SONG: “Big Dick Farts A Polka (in the style of Paul & Storm)”
ROUND 1 SONG: “Monkey Shines“

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THE CHALLENGER

JEFF MacDOUGALL

songfucomp-16.jpgThe Deal: After 20+ years making music as a hobby, I recently wrote and recorded a song for my daughter. I got a little taste of mild success (hey, my mom liked it). So now I’m taking my music out of the closet, dusting it off, and seeing how it does in the sunshine. Who knew there was so much work in just attempting to do music for a living. I feel like I am opening a Subway franchise (Only opening a Subway franchise seems more fulfilling in a creative way).

Official Website: jeffmacdougall.com

FINAL CHALLENGE SONG: “High”

“When I first read the final challenge I was, at once, excited and scared. Such a great song to use for inspiration and also, a very high bar to get over. I mean, trying to measure up to a Bowie song is bad enough, but trying to do it and do it better than Jonathan Coulton?… yeah… no problem… I’ll get right on that.

Right away I decided to do try something grand, to keep in the spirit of the original. Whether or not I achieved that remains to be seen. I didn’t want to try to be funny because A) It’s not really a funny story, and B) I’m not going to do funny better than my competition. I’m just not. So here you go… the end result. To sum it up, I just really tried to re-do the song with my own song writing and production style. I think I achieved that… for better or worse.”

Lyrics:

Safe in the capsule,
gonna leave here soon.
Nothing around me,
though there’s not much room.

It’s quiet. It’s calm.
Can you hear me? It’s Tom.

I’m high!
Can you see me?
I’m the blink in the night sky.

I’m not afraid.
So much to fear.
Hey, I can see my house from here.

No air to speak of
and still my hand is on the door.

I give it a shove
and I’m out into the clear.
Don’t want to take a fall from here.

Out of the capsule,
gonna leave here soon.
And the stars look very different today.
And I’m floating in a most peculiar way.

I’m high!
Can you see me?
I’m the blink in the night sky.

I’m not afraid.
Everything’s clear.
There’s nothing left to engineer.

I’m high!
Can you see me?
I’m the blink in the night sky.

I’m not afraid.
Everything’s clear.
Tell my wife no need for tears.

ROUND 2 SONG: “A Brief History Of Pudding”
ROUND 1 SONG: “Jeff MacDougall Dot Com“

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FINAL CHALLENGE VOTING

And now, it’s time for that all important voting, where you’ll decide who has shown the most Fu in the final challenge. This person will not only win the remarkable (and potentially off-putting) bragging rights and a clutch of fantastic mystery prizes, but also become the proud owner of the magnificent, one-of-a-kind MASTER OF SONG FU TROPHY, designed and handcrafted by [adult swim] superstar Dana Snyder. Please remember, you can only vote FOR ONE song – so choose very carefully. You may only vote once, so make it count. VOTING CLOSES AT 11:59pm EST on THURSDAY, JULY 31st.

[poll id=”4″]

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Good luck, and bring on the Fu.

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Cabin Fever #32: Worst. Episode. Ever.

Filed under: Cabin Fever — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:20 am

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cabin.jpgOh no! Just when you thought it was safe to hang out at the Quick Stop…

Cabin Fever (hosted by the twisted souls Brian Fitzpatrick and Aaron Poole) is the result of having too much time on your hands and access to your local community radio station.

Over the course of an hour, they manage to trawl the depths of good taste, plus throw some music in. How much more could you want from a podcast?… Quality? Oh… we didn’t think of that.

Enjoy! And we hope our cross Atlantic friends can understand the Irish accent πŸ˜‰

Hugs and Kisses,
Aaron P. + Rev. Fitzy

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CABIN FEVER #32: Worst. Episode. Ever. – Despite the fact that we have a good song from Bad Poetry Minute playing out the show… there’s not much else about the show this week that went well. Sure, we have a another taste-test. Yeah, we have some odd news from around the world. We even announce the start of the Cabin Fever Fantasy Premierleague competition. But try as they might, these morons just can’t figure out what’s wrong. Help us diagnose this mess by listening.

[CONTENT WARNING]: Explicit contents! We say every naughty word you can think of. You have been warned!

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #32 (MP3 format)

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Got something to say? E-mail Aaron & Brian at the Cabin Fever mailbag.

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Trailer Park: Shailene Woodley

Filed under: Interviews,Trailer Park — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:52 am

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

I’m awesome. I wrote a book. It’s got little to do with movies. Download and read “Thank You, Goodnight” right HERE for free.

Sometimes it’s hard to peg what will catch my interest.

Sometimes I don’t respond well to whatever the flavor of the hour is, I don’t like generic press releases telling me what’s the latest and greatest and I generally despise being pitched from someone who doesn’t know me. That’s why when I was asked to talk to the star of ABC Family’s THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER I was intrigued but not necessarily on board. I’ve been fanatical about my love for AMERICAN TEEN, my appreciation for the television series HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL and, as I stare down the raising of two young women I have a certain vested interest in keeping my finger on the pulse of the American teenager. To boot, the series co-stars Molly Ringwald and has the most peculiar tag on it which says “Viewer Discretion Advised.”

Say no more, I was down for the 15 minute interview.

Now, talking with Shailene Woodley, a woman nearly half my age (Man, am I getting old…), I got to know something that I’ve never been able to tackle before: the life of the budding actress. I’ve learned that the closer you get to those who are finding their way and finding their footing in this business the more interesting the conversation. Shailene has that kind of eagerness and excitability that many times gets snuffed out by the time many other actors reach that sort of cranky, jaded stage. One can hope that this woman can retain that same sense of wonder at appreciating those she’s been able to work with and who will see every job as a chance to actually learn something.

She was fun to talk to about what it is that this series hopes, and wants, to be and it’s also a series which could use a few supportive fans who can see what she expresses below. From sex, to pregnancy to the process of filtering what it does mean to be a teen in America today, Shailene talks eloquently on it all.

THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER is on every Tuesday night 8/7c on ABC Family.

CHRISTOPHER STIPP: Fill me in on what the series revolves around.

SHAILENE WOODLEY: It revolves around teenage conflict with sex. It is very controversial in the fact that it talks about things that television has never talked about before as far as in teenage language. It explores these tough decisions to have sex or not have sex and the consequences in the end for that. I think it has so many good morals and standards for teenagers to live by and for their parents to realize what they’re teenagers are doing because a lot of times parents don’t realize what teenagers are doing when they are not in the home. I think it’s going to be very good for parents and teenagers alike to learn from and also to enjoy.

CS: And which network is this on?

WOODLEY: ABC Family.

CS: And that’s what I have in my notes but there’s one of the sticking points. I can only imagine with a network like this there is a fine line between family entertainment and whether it’s appropriate for everyone to watch. Was there any hesitation on the studio’s behalf to not make this a “Viewer Discretion Advised” kind of program?

WOODLEY: I know that ABC Family is expanding their horizons just in the fact that they are launching, not launching, that’s not the right word but more intricate adult like themes into their network and our show definitely mentions a lot of things that ABC Family has never mentioned before but I think it’s good because it mentions it in a way that is good for families. It doesn’t try to urge you to go one way or another or think one thing and not the other it’s very positive. Of course it’s a TV show drama so it’s going to suck a lot of teenagers in who love drama but it does have a lot of good messages and ABC Family is very respectful of that.

CS: Was there any hesitation on your part? Did you read the script first and say this was a flat out good series or was there things about this series which might have caused some second thoughts?

WOODLEY: Absolutely not. I read the script and fell in love with it. Brenda Hampton wrote it. She was with 7th Heaven which ran for 11 years and she is so good at what she does. She asks about what teenagers go through everyday. Everyday in America teenagers deal with divorce and deal with the pressure to have sex in high school or not have sex. The storyline in the script evolves around decisions. And it’s really important for teenagers to understand that what they do now will effect them in the long run. Not that they will regret it “β€œ it has nothing to do with regret. It just has to do with decisions made in the present.

CS: Molly Ringwald. She plays your mother…

WOODLEY: Yes. She plays my mom.

CS: Man, that makes me feel old. I remember 16 CANDLES, BREAKFAST CLUB and scads of others. She’s playing a mom.

WOODLEY: I know. She’s amazing. She’s so beautiful and so down to earth and such a great actress “β€œ I learn from her all the time. I am so, so fortunate to be able to work with her.

CS: When a series starts they usually have a premise where they want there characters to go. Is there a long term vision? I assume that you are in high school. Is it one year, two years and then you’re off to college?

WOODLEY: We are all Freshmen in high school except for 2 leads that are sophomores. Brenda Hampton did 7th Heaven for 11 years so I think in the long run she has ideas for 10 years from now. It’s hard to assume and hard to think that far into the future because we don’t know if the show is going to be picked up. We don’t want to jinx it or get our hopes up. Whatever. We try to just live in the now.

CS: As you go through the script process and the characters in the series, do you look at it and say, “I’m kind of this age, I wouldn’t talk like this. ” Is it real in your own reality?

WOODLEY: A lot of things are real for me and a lot of things are real for a high school. There are so many characters and each character has a different conflict. This one girl Adrianne who’s mom is never home “β€œ she’s home once every two weeks. So Adrianne resorts to getting attention from guys. And there’s another character, Grace, who is very religiously stuck to her religion, Christianity, and believes in abstinence. So every character right now in the script is being defined as to who they are. It’s very relatable to a normal high school – very relatable.

CS: The message “β€œ you’ve talked about the writing pedigree, 7th Heaven a really solid show that ran for many years and had a lot of good things to say, is this going to be the same way, always sort of a message based drama?

WOODLEY: It definitely has lots of messages but I don’t think that when a teenager watches the show they’ll come out of it saying I got that message. They are more hidden messages. It’s more like if you’re going to have sex, you’re going to get pregnant. That’s the way it goes. Brenda Hampton is able to take real life situations and put them into the show. I think a lot of the real neat things about the show “β€œ like my character, her parents are going through a divorce. All the millions of teenagers out there who’s parents are going through a divorce or have gone through a divorce can look at my character and say oh, this is the way she handled it. It’s gives them something to compare and contrast with and I think everybody needs that.

CS: Just the touchy subject of young kids and promiscuity “β€œ young kids having sex “β€œ is a touchy notion to a lot of people in this country today “β€œ did Brenda ever say, “This might be a lightning rod…We’re in an election season…They might point out that this is exactly what’s wrong with America?” That sort of thing?

WOODLEY: Who is to say it’s wrong or right first of all? You know what I mean?

CS: True.

WOODLEY: I think it’s all opinions but definitely a lot of controversy. I think it’s good for mothers and fathers to watch the show because they actually can see exactly what they’re teenagers are thinking and what they’re teenagers do when they are not necessarily looking. And I think there a lot of parents out there who are clueless. They judge before they know what the actual situation is. And I think this show will help that. And, teenagers as well. They judge their parents without knowing the full situation. So, there’s definitely a lot of controversy but Brenda writes it in a way that doesn’t provoke arguments. Does that make sense? It’s controversial but not provoking arguments.

CS: Looking at your resume and what you’ve done since ’99 “β€œ with the exception of the OC around 6 episodes “β€œ I shouldn’t say it’s hard “β€œ you would probably welcome the notion of being front and center by now “β€œ But being the lead, is this something that feels comfortable to you, being such a pivotal character in a series?

WOODLEY: I did a movie 3 years ago and I was in actually every scene in that movie and that role was bigger than this role. It’s definitely weird being a lead in a TV show “β€œ I’m not acting it’s my hobby and I do it because I love it. It’s so trippy and it’s humbling in a way to be in that position to inspire others and all that kind of stuff but then again it’s kind of weird. I’m doing phone interviews! I’m not used to that.

CS: On that same idea, is it odd growing up in Hollywood? You’ve done this since you were 8 “β€œ so now all these years later, is there such a thing as a child star turning into an adult? Is there like that problem area that some people can’t get over that hump or deal with things when they are so young?

WOODLEY: I’ve grown up in this industry knowing it’s a hobby. I’ve gone to public school my whole entire life. I’ve gotten straight A’s and stayed the person my parents know I am and I don’t have very many friends at all in the industry because I don’t really like to take part in “young Hollywood” I guess. Just because there are so many kids that really do get wrapped up in that but then again there are a lot of teenagers who are really down to earth and want a future in something other than acting as well and that is really neat to experience both sides of that. But, I definitely think that growing up in Hollywood has matured me faster than if I hadn’t because it shows me you definitely have to figure out who you are and stick with it. And that can be very difficult to do but I’ve found it very easy. I have such amazing parents and amazing family and friends that I really have a base that keep me going “β€œ keep me Shailene.

CS: This whole series is based on the American teenager. Has Brenda asked you about whether teens are really doing this or that or is she consulting with teens themselves to find out what is really going on?

WOODLEY: I’m not sure if she’s consulting with other teens but she definitely asks me and other people in the cast where would teenagers get in a fight or “Where would this happen if you were in high school?” or “Where would this happen if you were in high school?” or “How would you react to this situation?” and she definitely takes your input and it’s really neat because you feel like you are adding something to the show to make it more authentic and make it more like everyday life.

CS: And, I’m sure you hope the series keeps going and you can keep doing it for as longs as you can “β€œ Is it important but intrinsically when you take a script is it because you really want to do it or because right now you can’t be as choosy as you’d like and sometimes these things happen because you have to?

WOODLEY: It’s always because I want to all the time. I never do anything I don’t want to do and there are some many scripts out there and so amazing roles and so many roles that I don’t necessarily I wouldn’t want to do. It’s all about keeping your integrity and saying yes and no without hurting another’s feelings.

CS: And based on that, when I’ve talked to working actors in their 30’s they tell me that this is what they do to help provide for their families. How do you see your life in the next 5 years as you progress into adulthood to try to stay out of those things where push comes to shove you have to do something because you have to pay the rent this month?

WOODLEY: I want to go to college and I want to get a degree in psychology and interior design because I want to always have options. Acting is my passion, I find myself in it and I love it do death but I’m kind of a person that wants to try it all. And if that ever happened to me in my 30’s I would want to be a psychologist or “Β¦. I’m all about being about options and doing what you love and not sticking to one thing because of the money. Money isn’t happiness “β€œ happiness is doing what you love and then get your money from that.

CS: Where does that come from? You’ve probably worked on so many projects and seen the glitz and what people aspire to be and never make it at all. How do you keep it in check at such a young age?

WOODLEY: A lot has to do with my family. My parents are amazing people. My dad is a principal of an elementary school and my mom is a counselor at a middle school so education is something I have grown up to respect and enjoy. I have such amazing friends who are so down to earth. Everyone I surround myself with is very positive and very into nature and the environment and I guess just being able to be myself and go on a hike realize that we are just walking this earth with the same everything except the only thing that separates everyone is our mentality and if you can keep your mentality in line then everything just falls into place. It’s all about being positive and staying down to earth. Because really, what makes one person better than the other? Know what I mean?

CS: If I have one more question for you, when this series premiers, and people start talking about it, what’s the one thing you hope people talk about?

WOODLEY: I hope it pulls teenagers in to watch it. Anything that has the word sex in it or anything like that teenagers are going to watch it .and I hope they will be able to enjoy the drama and enjoy the laughs but also enjoy the messages that go along with it without thinking that we’re trying to preach.

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