FRED Entertainment

October 11, 2006

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 10/11/2006

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:50 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Yeah… I don’t think this is gonna get you the corner office… (Thingamabob)
  • It’s links like this that make me really miss Don Knotts. (Thingamabob)
  • If you’re an animation fan, you should be reading Michael Barrier’s stuff. (Thingamabob)
  • Why aren’t there deluxe collections of Walt Kelly’s Pogo, a la the recent Peanuts editions? (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

October 10, 2006

Quick Stop Video Exclusive: Terry Gilliam Takes It To the Streets

Filed under: Articles,Interviews — UncaScroogeMcD @ 7:23 pm
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On October 4th, 2006, director Terry Gilliam took to the streets of New York to promote his new film, TIDELAND, and to seek alternative means for funding independent film…

Tideland opens this Friday, October 13th, at the IFC center in downtown New York.

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DOWNLOAD Large Video (55.5 MB)
DOWNLOAD Small Video (12.3 MB)
WATCH on YouTube

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Also, be sure to check out our QuickCast interviews with Terry HERE.

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 10/10/2006

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:51 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Macca’s afraid of Americans – and, after this, rightly so. (Thingamabob)
  • Don’t show off unless you know, without a doubt, that you can finish. (Thingamabob)
  • After seeing this, you’ll want your own Prom Home Permanent kit. (Thingamabob)
  • Sci-Fi geeks will lose themselves for hours here, fueling debates as to whether the Borg could take on the Death Star. (Thingamabob)
  • Have you gotten your copy of Rick Moranis’s album yet? (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

Keneteph’s Korner: Book Review – The Rebirth Of Seeds

Filed under: Columns,Keneteph's Korner — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:41 am
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BOOK REVIEW: The Rebirth of Seeds

keneteph 2006-10-10 01.jpgThe Rebirth of Seeds (myspace.com/therebirthofseeds) by Renard E. Williams, and published by Event-Horizon publishers, is not your average book of poems.  Many other poetry books are just filled with words of hopes and dreams accomplished and lost, but do not really leave the reader something to carry with themselves in their daily lives.  Rebirth isn’t one of those books.  In this collection Williams leave the reader with enough insightful heat to re-spark the soul in its journey to know itself.  For him, the inspiration behind the book was to act as a guide to give his children a greater outlook on life.   “In writing this work, I wanted to make a sort of family manual-something I could pass on to my children so they wouldn’t make the same mistakes I did,” Williams explains.

Uniquely done, the book is broken down into three sections; poetry, commentaries on selected poems, and a glossary of terms.  The book is an easy read no matter what frame of thought the reader is coming from.  He bears his soul allowing the audience to see the internal struggles that are common to all.  For example, the poem “Big Momma Speaks” talks about dealing with the loss of a loved one, and hearing their words in order to gain a better understanding of ourselves.  Another poem in the book entitled, “INC” compares love relationships to corporations where each party comes with an agenda to only benefit themselves.  Even more magnetizing, he eloquently speaks on social and spiritual issues from an unbiased observer’s point of view, so that everyone can take his words and apply it to their own situation.  If that’s not enough he then bears his intellect so readers can see his thought process behind his writing in the commentaries.  All in all “Rebirth” is a great re-remembering of what we’ve always known about ourselves but often tend to forget.  For inquiries on the book, the publishing company can be contacted at UrbanGuru@MSN.com, and 323-281-1701.

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Toy Box: Battlestar Galactica Cylon

Filed under: Columns,Toy Box — admin @ 4:27 am
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Whenever a old show or movie is remade, updated, or ‘re-imagined’, nostalgic fans everywhere start the chorus of “they’ve raped my childhood!”. From Star Wars to Scooby Doo, touching the beloved characters of our youth tends to end badly.

So when someone does it, and manages to not just quiet the critics but win over the original fans, they must be doing something right. Such is the case with Battlestar Galactica, a much loved television show from the late 70’s, brought up to date in 2004. And this wasn’t just a straight rehash either, oh no – many major plot points were altered from the original, the kind of thing that usually drives fans nuts.

But the show has been so well written, so well acted, and so well directed, that all that criticism has melted away. Or at least most of it, since it’s simply not possible to make everyone happy. Majestic Studios originally had the license to do sixth scale figures based on the old show, and expanded that into the realm of the new. Their first release in this new series is the evil Cylon, in his basic form. Watchers of the new show know that these characters also come in humanoid versions, but here you have the full on robotic form.

If you have any questions or comments, drop me a line at mwc@mwctoys.com.

“Battlestar Galactica Cylon – regular and battle damaged”

Majestic actually did a battle damaged version of the Cylon for the San Diego Comic Con this last summer. This version was limited to just 400 figures, and has several new sculpted parts including the damaged head. The regular version will see a normal wider release. I’ve shot both for the review, with differences noted. In this first photo, you see the regular version.

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Packaging – ***1/2
These are packed more like a statue or bust than action figure, and there’s a reason for that. The exterior box is attractive, but largely features photos of the figure itself rather than an actual Cylon for comparison. There’s minimal text, but enough for the average fan. Inside is a styrofoam insert, and the Cylon comes packaged without his hands or weapons. You place which ever set you prefer on him, once you have him out.

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Sculpt – ***1/2
This figure is made from multiple materials, and one – poured polyresin – is somewhat unusual. Oh, there’s PVC and ABS as well, but we’re used to that. But the polyresin makes much of this figure feel more like a statue to the touch than a figure. It also makes him heavier, and is probably a reason for the decided lack of articulation.

Unlike the original Cylons, which looked suspicously like Stormtroopers, these guys harken back to a day when space travelers feared robotic monsters. While the designs are clearly up to date and modern, the concept of dangerous humanoid robots is so 50’s that it would make Gort jealous. The figure matches the show design exceptionally well, but the lack of articulation means you’re pretty much stuck with the pose he’s in. It might just be me, but if I’m going to get very little articulation, a little more dynamic sculpting goes a long way.

This is the regular sculpt:

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And this would be the ‘battle damaged version’. Note the damage to the back of the head:

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Of course, it’s not like these guys are goind Spongebob karate moves, and robots tend to be stand up straight kind of guys. You’ll be able to find some good arm poses, and the detailing and accuracy of the sculpt are all top notch.

Paint – ***1/2
The paint work on this figure is excellent, and while there’s a variety of materials used, you can’t tell it from the paint. Often different materials hold paint differently, creating different finishes and tones depending on how porous the material is or isn’t. Even worse is when all the pieces are painted a very obvious color, like the metallic silver here, that makes consistency even tougher.

There’s no problem here though, with a nice even color all around. It’s also consistent in thickness and coverage, and there’s great cuts between the handful of other colors. The battle damaged version has additional detail work, including some very realistic blast marks on the armored skin.

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There’s a feature to these figures that I can’t quite figure out though, and I’m not sure where to mention it – so I’ll mention it here. The ‘eyes’ are supposedly lenticular, so that when light hits them from different angles they’ll appear to light up, and the light would move across the eye piece. That sounds like an interesting concept, and if it worked it would certainly save on batteries. Unfortunately, try as I might, I couldn’t get it to work under any lighting conditions. If you figure out a way, please let me know.

Articulation – **
If you’re looking for super-poseable, then you’re looking in the wrong spot. These figures have only the most basic articulation. There are cut joints at the shoulders and hips (yes, while they might look like ball joints, those hips are cut joints only), simple pin elbows and knees, and pin wrists. The wrists can also turn, since they pop on and off the arms with pegs, but the sculpt of the forearms makes this a lot less useful than you’d think.

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The lack of articulation seems partly due to the materials used, which don’t appear to lend themselves well to articulation, and partly due to the design of the character himself. Still, this will be the one category that is the biggest disappointment for most fans, since the sculpted design lacks any dynamic feel.

Accessories – ***
Each figure comes with several accessories. These include an extra set of hands, and an extra set of weapons that attach to the forearms. Each figure also comes with a uniquely sculpted base. The exclusive version has the additional painted damage, along with some additionally sculpted ‘parts’ laying at his feet.

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The hands swap easily enough IF, and only IF, you’re paying attention. The pegs are designed to go in one way, but the material is such that you could ‘strip’ the pegs if you forced it in the wrong way. It’s also a good idea to take care popping the weapons on and off, and again, these go on in only one way.

Both bases are attractive, especially the battle damaged version, but it did seem like the pegs were a little too short. It’s still quite possible for the figure to tip over even when standing on the pegs, and considering the materials used, that would be as disasterous as tipping a statue or bust. Both figures stand fine on their own though, so using the bases isn’t really required. Be forewarned though that having them on the base doesn’t mean they won’t tip as easily as simply standing on their own.

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Fun Factor – *1/2
With a rather fragile body and hands, this is definitely not a figure for the kids. He’s much more statue than action figure, and is intended for basic posing and standing on the shelf. Even when you’re doing the basic posing part, be extremely careful!

Value – **
The going rate on the regular version seems to be around $60, or it will be once they come out. I don’t believe they’ve actually seen their release yet, as witnessed by a lack of ebay auctions. The battle damaged one is running around $130 on ebay, but that’s due to the low production run and exclusivity.

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I’ll assume you can pick up the regular around $60. At that price he’s a tad expensive, but not so much that you’ll feel abused. This is largely due to the use of the polyresin, which will give you the impression of a statue, much more than an action figure. And let’s face it, statues in this scale are rarely in this price range.

Overall – ***
The sculpts are solid, and the paint is excellent. If you’re looking for a straight display piece for your BG collection, you’ll be quite pleased with the quality. However, sixth scale collectors who are looking for something a little more dynamic may find themselves left wanted with the limited articulation.

Majestic has plans for other sixth scale figures from the new show, starting with Apollo, who should be released soon.

Scoring Recap –
Packaging – ***1/2
Sculpt – ***1/2
Paint – ***1/2
Articulation – **
Accessories – ***
Fun Factor – *1/2
Value – **
Overall – ***

Where to Buy –
Online options are your best bet:

– Time and Space Toys is always a good option for BG related merchandise, including this figure. They have him listed at $60, but he’s currently on back order.

Related Links:
This isn’t the first Battlestar Galactica release from Majestic, and I reviewed the old style Cylon and Apollo awhile back. There’s also a guest review of the gold version of that Cylon, and Joyride did there own much smaller scale version as well.

October 9, 2006

A Venture Bros. Exclusive – 21 & 24’s Wedding Single

Filed under: Articles — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:44 am

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Download the single HERE

-music by Doc Hammer, lyrics by Doc Hammer & Jackson Publick III

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 10/9/2006

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:43 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • Anthony Stewart Head informs Janet Weiss that she had better wise up. (Thingamabob)
  • I wonder if the infinite monkeys theory applies to pigeons, as well. (Thingamabob)
  • Classic kiddie Records. You know you want ’em. (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

Widge Goes Off #15: Stopwatch on the Widge!

Filed under: Widge Goes Off — widge @ 5:09 am
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widgepic.jpgHowdy folks. Welcome back to my little corner of the forgotten pantry down on the basement level of a ten-story apartment building that was condemned back in 1946 and is home for nothing but squatters and the occasional giant mutated rat…of the Internet. Let’s do this.

[CONTENT WARNING] This podcast contains foul language and artifical sweeteners. And may contain nuts too. And maybe some bits of tree bark. I dunno.

DOWNLOAD: mp3 Format (23.1 MB)

As for your Monday Morning Quarterbacking session, I’m doing that in the podcast now. Only fair to those listeners in drivetime. Find the full skinnee at Box Office Mojo.

Limewire slaps back.

Lucas speaks sense.

Bonus article: Long Tail discusses the worst box office grosser of 2005.

Special thanks to Exit Mindbomb for letting me use “Godzilla Will Rule You” from their album Happy Accident for my new WGO music. Check them out on MySpace here and I tried to link up as many songs as I could here.

Widgett Walls is the chief cook and bottle washer for Needcoffee.com. He’s also the author of Mystics on the Road to Vanishing Point and Magnificent Desolation. His personal blog is at OneTusk.com, which he updates when he feels like it. He lives and works in Atlanta, Georgia. He hardly ever sleeps.

Preachin’ from the Longbox – Winnah, Winnah, Chicken Dinner

Filed under: Columns,Preaching from the Longbox — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:06 am
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This week’s sermon – “Winnah, Winnah, Chicken Diner”

October 9, 2006

In last month’s column, I challenged you loyal PftL readers (as well as those opportunistic whores that just like to win free stuff) to come up with a superhero team based on Marvel Universe characters-only. Listed below are the ones (in no particular order) that, for one reason or another, did not make the grade along with the usual insipid comments about each team from yours truly.

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Gary from Minnesota goes for a self-described “second stringers” draft with the team living out of the Windy City, using Lila Cheney’s rock star money for backing and calling themselves “ShaodwFlight”:

Kitty Pride (Shadowcat) ““ The hardest person to come up with was a team leader. Most people who would make a good team leader are probably going to get snatched up right away (Captain America, Iron Man, Cyclops, Storm, Reed Richards, even Wasp). So I went with someone, who’s a little young, but has demonstrated leadership ability. She’s been trained by the best, she’s incredibly smart, proved her mettle, and did I mention she’s cute as a button? She helped form “Excalibur”, and she kept the team together despite some lackadaisical stories. But give her, her old blue costume with the mask. That was cool.

Emma Frost ““ You have a character who’s been around the block. She has incredible psi-powers, and she’s not afraid to get her hands dirty. Very good addition

Talisman (Daughter of Michael TwoYoungmen) ““ Elisabeth brings that sorcery vibe that every team needs. But don’t get her when she doesn’t have any emotions. Get her later on in the series. She’s a little more powerful, and she isn’t confined to Canada. Plus, that costume was hot.

Strong Guy ““ Hey the name implies everything. He’s uber strong, and he brings a much needed sense of levity to the group. Plus, the shades are hip. Trying my darndest to stay away from mutants for the last two team members.

Puck ““ Yeah, he’s short, and he can do cartwheels at people. But imagine if Strong Guy used him for a fastball special. Plus, he’s going to be the grounded guy. The guy that holds this team together. Not only that, but he doesn’t take up a lot of room when they’re traveling. Good for those people who need the leg room.

Tigra ““ You always need that one character who’s walking a little close to the edge. Greer Nelson fits that bill. Tigra is my sixth member. She can work in a team environment, and she’s got her teams back(so she might lose it at any moment). Having a supportive team leader (Shadowcat), and a really strong mentor (Puck), she’d be able to make it. Plus, she can smell your fear, and she looks darn great in that outfit.

PftL’s Take: Well, Gary, I liked the name of the team and for using Kitty as a team leader (a role that she held when leading Warren Ellis-produced X-Men). But it just seemed more like an offshoot of the X-Men universe. It not a bad team; just not all that different than what is out there now.

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Here’s a team drafted by John in Florida with the moniker of “The Replacements” (sounds familiar):

Longshot (Leader) – Everybody’s favorite 3 fingered, lucky, X-Men wannabe would the leader for my team. He definitely has leadership skills, considering the rebellions against Mojo that he’s led several times, but he’s flawed too…mindwipes can do that to you. Plus, if Longshot is involved, Mojo works either as an enemy or an awkward Ally (Longshot leading his own super-team? RATINGS!)

Beast – No, this isn’t an X-Men thing. The fact of the matter is though is that Beast is simply brilliant. He’s one of the most gifted minds in the Marvel Universe, and with his wide areas of expertise, specifically with science and technology, he’d be a valuable asset to any team. Plus he’s a veteran of the superteam structure, (Being a member of various X-teams AND the Avengers). So I’m snatchin him up while the snatchin is good. He’s definitely 2nd in command and all-around Jack of All Trades material. Specifically, I’d prefer the Avengers era Beast with Blue fur but still mostly ape-like in appearance…I’m not diggin’ the cat thing.

Toxin (Patrick Mulligan) – The fact that he’s the offspring of Carnage will contribute to the overall bada$$ factor of the team. Toxin also has that wet-behind the ears protoge thing going on too as well as that deep angsty feeling of moral ambiguity and trying to control the inner beast that is the symbiote. Wolverine eat your heart out.

Nico Minoru (of the Runaways) – She’s young, she’s cynical, she’s magic. What’s not to like? Magic: when it’s on your side is never a bad thing and the “Staff of One’ is a neat little artifact. There might be some tension here, since she doesn’t really fit the classic “hero” archtype and is annoyed by people who do (check out Young Avengers and Runaways #2 if you need proof). But I think she could be persuaded by Longshot’s charm.

Echo – With photographic reflexes, Echo has the adaptation feature on her side. Plus as has been demonstrated in New Avengers, Echo has serious infiltration skills that could be put to use. Just supply her with lots and lots of file footage and she’s good to go.

Rom The Spaceknight – We have the token alien and backup tech head here. His nifty little tools and ability to stow things in a pocket dimension help, not to mention his super strength, invulnerability and big friggin’ lazer would make Rom a serious heavy hitter and clean up man.

PftL’s Take: John, I dug your inclusion of ROM (who never seems to get his proper respect for his Sci-Fi contributions to comics in the 80s/90s) and the attempt to turn Toxin into a force for good on this team. However, with the one-trick player that is Nico, the team does drop a little. And that drop is just enough to make a difference.

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Dewey from the Quaker State gives his draft picks then explains his team’s name (This team is about stealth, with many different specialties here. I know the “undercover ops” superhero concept is getting a little stale, but this team is well-equipped to handle just about anything: espionage, supernatural threats, and scientific curiosities, in addition to any supervillain shenanigans. Note the motif for the majority of the team, and take another look at the team name. Where are the Wild Things? Right here baby.):

Black Widow (Natasha Romanov): The original Black Widow is our team leader. She has been a soldier, a spy, a superhero. Bonus points for being the hottest redhead in comics, and Trinity before there was anything called a “matrix.” (Just ask Bryan Hitch.) She has been on many teams, and is apparently worthy of being a “Mighty” Avenger when this whole Civil War shakes out. Natasha has been a valued compatriot of both Daredevil and Captain America. For her costume, there is no other choice but the full black spandex with gold gauntlets. Did I mention she is my favorite comic book character of all time?

The Falcon: Every team needs a quality flier, and with his newly updated wing system he is modern, and kick-ass. (Though I have a soft spot for the 70’s costume–heck, I had the action figure!) You’ve got surveillance, you’ve got air power, you’ve got a real “bird of prey.” There’s a reason why Captain America trusts him with his life. There can be no higher recommendation.

Diamondback: Let’s fulfill our “villain as a hero” quotient right here. And hey, look at that, she has ties to Captain America! Her story has gotten incredibly convoluted, but take the classic Gruenwald era character, and do a Geoff Johns-style reboot on her, and she is ready to take her place on this team.

The Lizard: OK, another “villain as a hero.” Curt Conners is a scientist, so he would lend knowledge to this team (every team needs that geek who can go all “CSI” for them. Or, if you want a little more old-school–Giles.) And when the chips are down, he can become the savage Lizard. Might be due for a little Peter David rewrite where Conners finds some way to merge his intellect with the Lizard–but not all the way. (Yeah, I had this action figure, too.)

Paladin: Sure, he’s got a goofy costume (or is it so out-there, it is actually cool?) But he’s a crack shot, and every team that does not have an archer should have a gunslinger. This one’s my guy.

Jennifer Kale: It is good to have a mystic on your team, and if you are a Steve Gerber fan, you can’t go wrong with Kale. Besides, the team is nicely balanced, and I dare you to find a hotter bunch than this one!

Team Mascot: Howard the Duck. No, I am not cheating by putting in a mascot. No, he is not a seventh member. Sigh. Whatever. He has been a survivor, battled all kinds of menaces martial and supernatural, and his origin is tied into the Nexus of All Realities. If you considered this a pitch, you might see where some of this is going for stories…

PftL’s Take: I liked the pick of Wendy the Good Little Witch (Jennifer Kale). And you’re right on Paladin’s costume. But this team lacks some brute strength and physical toughness. Gotta have someone who will just roll up their sleeves, barge in and mix it up with anyone. Outside of that, this team is a good one.

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New Jersey’s own Adam J. offers his team named “The Pliskin Six”:

The Thing – One of Marvel’s iconic characters is sure to go in the first two rounds. I figure my team needs a tank, but one that is a little more dependable than the Hulk, or of better record than someone like Rhino. Also, this is a public team, so I can’t think of a better person to earn the public’s trust (BTW- I’m with Iron Man). The ever-loving blue eyed Thing will never leave a fallen comrade, is about as brave as anyone in the Marvel U, and is stronger than just about anyone. His years of experience working in a team atmosphere also make him a solid first rounder. Also has a catchphrase.

Iceman – Probably drafted a tad too high, but his popularity will more than likely have rushed him, and he’s someone I just need to have on my team. Ice sliding makes him the equivalent of a speedster. He also can covertly disable security systems with his sub zero temperatures should a mission call for it. His ability to see heat signatures also helps in stealth missions. Like Grimm, has mucho team experience. Most importantly though, he’s an Omega level mutant, which means almost unlimited power.

Exodus – A forgotten product of the 1990’s, Exodus is a solid sleeper pick at the third round. He’s near invulnerable, can fly, produce various psionic energies, and can even bring the dead back to life. He has shown himself capable of simultaneously:

1) Amplifying Genoshan mutates’ hatred of humans;
2) Crushing Genosha via a massive force field;
3) Immobilising (sic) Quicksilver, the Scarlet Witch, Crystal and Jean Grey in another force field;
4) Protecting himself from attacks; and,
5) Dealing out massive amounts of damage to both the X-Men and the Avengers. Bad Ass.

Multiple Man – One man army. Any and all physical contact creates a duplicate, so he really can’t be stopped. Near unlimited intelligence due to the fact that he frequently (sic) sends duplicates into the world to learn various skills he can reassimilate. Has worked for the government before, so he will be a welcome addition in the new, post Civil War Marvel.

Black Widow (Natasha Romanov)(Team Captain) – The woman’s a pro. I figure she’d fall this low to her lack of “powers” but there are few tactitians (sic), combat fighters, stealth, and beautiful characters in all of comics. She’s been a member of S.H.I.E.L.D for God knows how long, and was the right hand lady of Nick Fury for most of her tenure. Also, has ties with Iceman from their Champions Days together, has worked with a Jaime Madrox dupe in S.H.I.E.L.D., and worked with Grimm after the Secret War debacle. It’s her time to lead. Anytime you can get a team captain at #5 means that it’s a good pick. She also has Avengers ties to the last member of the team”¦

Mr. Immortal – So he’s a Great Lakes Avenger (or Great Lakes X-Man, or Great Lakes Champion, or whatever it is their called now). The dude can’t die. Ever. And he’s a homo-superior. What more could you want?

Exodus is the one wild card of this team. I’m unsure how well he would work not being the team letter. That’s part of the reason I stacked this team with so many mutants. Some similar genes may ease him into the team. Widow isn’t so headstrong and self absorbed where she’d be a “my way or the highway” type leader. She would assess everyone’s attributes and come up with the most rational plan available.

PftL’s Take: Adam, good pick with the Thing ““ not many people go for Ben Grimm when picking a team. However, Mr. Immortal is very similar to Nico of the Runaways as far as having one power and not a very solid one. And I would think that the eventual downfall of the team would be at the hands of Exodus. Here’s a choice selection from Marvel Universe’s bio on the guy:

“”¦Exodus has displayed a fragile psyche, as well as a fundamental disregard for the lives of regular humans”¦ Presumed to be one of the most powerful mutants on Earth, Exodus’ mental instability and lack of morals make him an unpredictable, extremely dangerous individual.”

Yikes, he has too much Mike Tyson in his character for my tastes.

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Here’s J.A. from Connecticut with his team and subsequent justification (My concept is for a group of individuals who can work well together, but have versatile power sets that allow each member to play multiple roles as needed.):

Team Leader ““ The Multiple Man: Jamie Madrox ““ Why the leader? He’s cutting his teeth as a leader in the new X-Factor books, and seems to be doing well despite some personal insecurity. Why him in general? His powers are versatile, often under-estimated, and always used creatively. Jamie tends to fill a support role to other team mates in a fight, but his powers come in very handy when information gathering in the field.

Psylocke: Betsy Braddock (The British, Pre Ninja, armored X-men version) ““ Betsy has experience as the temporary leader of Excaliber. As such, she makes an excellent second in command. Her telepathy can provide vital information to teammates quickly, and while armored she is a capable support fighter.

The Invisible Woman: Sue Richards ““ Long established as a team player, I’d imagine Sue would get along even better when not taking orders from her husband while in the field. Her powers are an excellent blend of offensive and defensive, and she can fill either role in a pinch.

Speedball: Robert Baldwin ““ He’s personable and also a well established team player from his time with the New Warriors. Like Sue, his powers are both defensive and offensive, but more importantly they are unexpected by most super-villains.

Box: Richard Bochs ““ He’s intelligent enough to construct a robot, which would make him the brains of the team. While controlling his robot, he becomes the strong man of the group, and gains the supplemental powers of flight and various sensory equipment. I’ll take brains and brawn in one package any day.

Warlock: (New Mutants Era) ““ Warlock’s metamorphic powers by nature can adapt to numerous situations. I like the New Mutants version because he’s much more of an innocent (which will offset some of Madrox’s brooding) and (in my humble opinion) displays greater loyalty to his teammates.

PftL’s Take: The Roger Bochs pick was a deft one. But with the number of X-Men/Alpha Flight members on the team, the team suffers from a lack of an identity.

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Corey T. from sunny FLA submits his team:

Mr. Fantastic (Team Leader): Going for consistency using the same first pick I did last year. It seems to me that, the arguably smartest man in the Marvel Universe should be the team leader. Not only is he a master strategist, but his ability to train other heroes in the use of their powers is unparalleled.

Doctor Strange: OK, it might be claim this is too powerful of a character or too big of name to be claiming for a second pick. But if anyone read one issue of any Defenders comics, it should be obvious that this man should never lead a team. But Strange isn’t just here for power, but more to give the team the necessary knowledge and resources to deal with magical threats. The one of the only weak spots in Reed Richards abilities.

Iceman: We got a glimpse of the true extent of Iceman’s powers when Emma Frost took over his body, but lately he’s been showing us even more.

Winter Soldier (Bucky): So, I can’t take Captain America. Alright, I’ll take the man’s backup. Sure, he might be a wild card due to mental issues, but there’s no denying his abilities.

Cloak: It was between a teleporter or a speedster and Marvel seems to have more of the former than the latter. As cool as Nightcrawler is, for the 5th pick it had to be Cloak. This is fine by me, though. He is a great mass teleporter, despite the discomfort of his passengers.

Victor Mancha: OK, so he just got shredded in the Young Avengers/Runaways Civil War Special, but that’s why a teenager is not a team leader. He got shredded due to arrogance. It’s already been shown how super hero obsessed he is. Amongst this crowd, I don’t think arrogance is going to be an issue. Not to mention, he has Reed Richards to point out that Shield has dealt with both Magneto and Polaris so they probably have weapons for super folks with magnetic control. Besides from trying to justify this pick despite the character recent injuries, he is also a creation of Ultron with the power one would expect Ultron to provide. On top of this, the potential of his magnetic powers, as well as his secondary abilities, have just begun to be tapped.

PftL’s Take: Ya know, I almost picked Cloak for my team so, of course, I dig that pick. The same goes for the doctor. As for the others, ehh. I’m just not feeling it, dog. Again, half of the team is X-Men derived. Two is okay but three is a bit too much.

###

Kasey from Utah goes for the classic old-school style with his team, aptly named “The Dudes In Red Tights”:

Leader ““ Daredevil. Despite the theme I thought it would be best to have at least one legitimate hero. Daredevil is the only member of the team who I actually know something about.

Red Guardian ““ Since I was looking for red tights, I found this guy first and was immediately intrigued and impressed. A communist Captain America for the Soviets. A close ally of Stalin. I figure now that the dream of communism has withered to a mere whisper in the Cuban coastal winds, this guy would be looking for work (something he wouldn’t have to do if communism were still popular). Bitter, disillusioned and desperate, Red Guardian could be the obligatory cynical naysayer of the Dudes In Red Tights team.

Hellion ““ The team needed mind powers and this guy fit the bill with his telekinesis. He also seems like a good candidate to go off on his own and get into trouble, something every team needs.

Crimson Crusader ““ CC is actually pretty damn powerful. Control gravity? Hells yeah! Unfortunately, he is powerless without his sister Pandora around. Too bad she doesn’t have red tights stretched over a manly package or she could’ve been on the team too. Alas, without her, he supplies the “˜Aquaman’ role on the team.

Rocket Racer ““ This is by far my favorite member of the team. A skateboard riding brother from the seventies. He doesn’t have super strength, or psychic ability or any of that crap, he shoots motherf***in’ rockets! Out of his wrists. And he rides a skateboard thing too. That is freakin’ badass. I envision Rocket Racer as the reliable backbone of the team who doesn’t need to upstage anybody else.

PftL’s Take: Kasey, there’s some good stuff here. But, as you mention in your write-up, Crimson Crusader is, essentially, useless unless his sis is backing him up; eerily similar to the Wonder Twins. And since there’s only five members, The Dudes in Red Tights are a little light in those tights.

###

Aaron from across the pond in Ireland sends in his my ideal team-up since I was about 12 (albeit with a few minor changes) with the team name of “The New York Knights”:

1) Daredevil (Matthew Murdock) – Not only has this character been consistently at the top of the “great reads” list for the last couple of years but he has also stayed very clear of super hero groups. A trait which while character driven, annoyed the hell out of me. I’ve always thought he would make a fantastic reluctant leader and with his strict vision for justice and morality has the back-bone to be a believable one. And also, less we forget his very cool outfit…

2) Luke Cage – Long time close friend of Daredevil and long time bad-ass also. It would be more than easy to believe Luke would follow DD into the gates of hell, if not just for loyalty but for the love of handing out some ass-whoopin. One of the only (to my mind) legitimately “street” characters in the Marvel Universe and finally getting his due on the Avengers run. His personality works great in a team environment as he’s just that little bit different from every other “hero”.

3) Iceman (Bobby Drake) – I’ll be honest, I have loved this boy from the day I was born. Remember the “Spiderman and Friends” TV series from the early 80s? My favourite show as a child. I’ve stayed loyal to him despite him being pretty much over-looked in x-men history. This is one of the originals folks! Fuck Cable, where’s Bobby Drake? He’s well adverse to team-environments (so much so that you can play 5 degrees of separation with him and his other team members far too easily), already New York based and with powers growing by the issue along with a new frosty demeanor (god I love puns) to go with it.

4) Archangel (Warren Worthington III) – A character who, when you look into his history, had been tormented from the word go. Never had an easy break as far as personal (and physical) life goes but was blessed with inheriting a fortune. He’s also an original x-man with Iceman who in recent years has been slightly forgotten The possible ‘cash’ behind the group or the teams ‘iron-man’, depending on how you want to look at it. Easy competition for leader of the group. Either way, an obviously solid addition to the team but also gives the advantage of having the wonderful payoff of having both an Angel and a Devil in the team 🙂

5) Hawkeye (Clint Barton) – Recently deceased, but when has that stopped a comic-book character before? I love the idea of having a non-super powered hero in a team. It always leaves room for jealousy and over-compensation. But it also adds an element of weaponry, something that is always forgotten about when it’s usually a big bruising punch-up. What kid doesn’t love cool gadgets? Hawkeye had the lot A huge amount of experience with the Avengers, but can he handle life without Cap and Stark? The token outsider to the group. That pointy mask has got to go though…

6) Black Cat (Felicia Hardy) – The “hot-piece-of-ass” in the group but don’t let looks deceive you, this girl can hold her own. She is often placed as the fun loving, reformed bad-girl in the Marvel Universe, but don’t forget folks, her decent into the costume world started because she was date-raped in college. Heavy stuff. A worthy counter-balance to Spiderman (and also her anchor to the group through his friendship to DD) she would be integral element to the team dynamic With her ability to “affect probability fields” aswell, she would add a nice bit of comic-book cheese if the writer saw fit. (Such a stupid power, but fantastically absurd at the same time)

PftL’s Take: Double A, this one was solid. However, the balance just seems off. I would actually expect to see this lineup in a Defenders-style comic. Not that it’s a bad thing but it’s somewhat bland.

###

Michael from our friends in the Great White North offers two groups. The first one is called “Hell Hath Nick Fury”:
1. Thor (Simonson era) – Thor provides both power and passion. I don’t believe there’s anyone in the MU that can realistically go toe-to-toe with him (with the exception of Odin, but let’s not go there). I also don’t believe there’s anyone in comicdom that can go toe-to-toe with him (Superman be damned).

2. Nick Fury (mid-90s) – The leader. He brings smarts, tactics, and gadgets. What more do you need?

3. Doctor Strange – Mystic and psychic power — a lot of mystic and psychic power. Welcome aboard, Doc.

4. Invisible Woman – Stealth and hotness. Both vital.

5. Blade – Sheer brutality on a day-to-day basis. Also, what if the team happens to run into vampires?

6. Speedball – Speed, balls, and comic relief.

PftL’s Take: Hey, it’s a shout-out pick for Blade, which is surprising since the movies did so well. Outside of that pick, the rest are decent; just too blah, I guess. And who would’ve thought that that irrepressible Speedball would get selected more than once? Not me, that’s for sure.

###

Michael also submitted the first all-villain group named “Doom and Gloom”:
1. Doctor Doom — Not the stupid movie version. He’s the leader. The kickass ruler of Latveria. One of the few villains that could get a team together and keep them together through brains, cash, and force of personality.

2. Juggernaut — The muscle. Nuff said.

3. Mystique — Shapeshifting is both cool and useful. She’s also got a wicked mean streak.

4. Scarlet Witch (Brotherhood) — Brings the psychic pain.

5. Deadpool — Because assassins are cool.

6. Quicksilver (Brotherhood) — Fills the need for speed. Also, it’s nice to keep siblings together.

PftL’s Take: Honestly, this team, outside of Deadpool, is the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, plain and simple. It could’ve been better, really.

###

Jesse from The West Coast also sent two teams in for the contest. The first one is called “The All-New and Improved West Coast Defenders”:

#1 Captain America (leader) (setting: current) ““ My first pick, and leader, is Captain America. Captain America has led not only the Avengers, but often takes a leadership role when the MU is gathered against an overwhelming force (Secret Wars, the Infinity Gauntlet saga, and Operation Galactic Storm all come to mind). Guys like Thor and Hercules respect and follow his command. He takes the time to train and improve the members of his team, both as individuals and as a unit. Having Cap lead a team may be a clichéd, but it is so for a reason.

#2 Beta-Ray Bill (setting: current) ““ A warrior’s heart, a hammer with the powers of Mjolnir, and now stranded on Earth, Beta Ray Bill is my second pick for this team. Loyal and brave Bill is a hero that serves to strengthen any team. In the larger team dynamic Bill, fills the role of both the heavy hitter, and a defense against both mystic and cosmic foes.

#3 Clea Strange (setting: 70s/80s) ““ Heroes join together in order to face those threats that no single hero can withstand. In the MU, there are often strange visitors from distant dimensions who come to conqueror reality. Every team needs a mystic to face such opponents. With my third pick I have chosen Clea Strange. Every bit the accomplished mystic as her husband, but sadly often ignored and even unknown by current fans, Clea is both a warrior and a nurturer who will compliment and support this team both on and off the field.

#4 Beast (setting: early 90s) ““ My fourth pick is the one and only Hank McCoy. Blue, furry, and non-cat like, Hank McCoy. Granted everyone has a preference as to what Beast should look like. But I chose this era of his career not only for the way he looked, but the way he acted as well. I chose the version of Beast who would just as soon make a joke and cause trouble as bust out a 37 word sentence to answer if he wanted take-out for dinner that night. Every team needs a comedian to keep things light during tense situations. Hank has a brilliant mind, is a proven fighter, and as already mentioned will serve to keep the spirits of the team high.

#5 Franklin Richards (setting: early 90s) ““ Most readers know Franklin from his series of Calvin and Hobbes knock offs. However, there was a time when the first born of Marvel’s First Family, had power to spare. Any kid that can create entire dimensions (all be it a dimension where everyone has misshapen feet), would be a welcomed addition to any team. Obviously, his age and inexperience in the field serve as detractors to his inclusion on the team; however I believe that the tutelage and care of Clea would provide the guidance needed for Franklin to come in to his own as a hero. The watchful and nurturing eye of Clea would also help to elevate the doubts and concern that Sue would have in placing her child in such a dangerous situation.

#6 Mockingbird (setting 80s) (I am assuming since we are allowed to choose the era of our characters, we can choose an era from before they died (heck, if Bucky can make it back from the dead”¦) ) ““ Mrs. Barbara “Bobbi” Morse Barton aka Mockingbird is the last pick for my team. Since she is technically dead, I felt that she was safe to save for the last pick; however she is far from the weakest member of the team. Bobbi has been trained as a spy and in the art of hand to hand combatant. Both of these skills will be helpful to the All-New Defenders. She has served on teams in the past, and knows what it takes to work alongside others.

PftL’s Take: This team is solid from top to bottom, except for little Richards. I remember that he has some sort of god-level powers (just try to forget “Heroes Reborn”. I dare you). But for me, he nicks this team ever so slightly to knock from the top spot.

###

Comprised of mainly supporting characters is the genesis for the name of Jesse’s second team ““ “The 8 Page Back-Ups”:

This team consists of misfits, and heroes who are for one reason or another out of sync with the world in which they live. I found that looking for heroes that fit the “person out of time” mold, many came from the world of Captain America. I suppose that shouldn’t be a surprise. Choosing mostly supporting characters, lead to the creation of the team’s name. Each of these heroes have served in supporting roles in various places around the MU. Now is there time to shine as individuals and as a team.

#1 Nick Fury (leader) (setting: 70s and 80s) ““ The Nick Fury I have chosen to lead this team is the gruff yet lovable, Nick Fury of days gone by. With his ever present cigar, and his habit of calling those under him “Goldbricks”, Nick is a season veteran of both domestic and foreign wars. He knows when to push his team, and when to give them their space. He is comfortable staying behind to monitor and lead missions, but is willing and able to enter the fray and mix it up with the bad guys. Nick lives as a man who is way past his prime and should have long been forced into retirement due to failing health. However, thanks to regular doses of the Infinity Formula, he continues to fight the good fight. As a man out of time in his own right, he will be able to relate to the others on his team.

#2 Winter Solider (Bucky Barnes) (setting: current) ““ The Winter Solider is a highly trained spy, combatant, and sniper. Bucky has worked solo and in team settings. He fought in WWII, and is now only the physical age of a twenty-something. He is currently working with Fury, so we know that the two of them can work together. He is a perfect fit for this team.

#3 Spitfire (setting: current) ““ Jacqueline is trained at combat, has worked in team settings, and also can serve as the team’s speedster. Once again, she is a WWII alum who is currently in the body of a twenty-something. She has worked with both Bucky and Fury in the past. Both of these elements make her yet another perfect fit for the 8 Page Back-Ups.

#4 Lockjaw (setting: 80s) ““ There is not a bigger misfit in the MU. Part of a team deemed as “inhuman” with a base relegated to Earth’s moon, Lockjaw would fit nicely into a team of outcasts. Ok, so the above is stretching it a bit, and the current status quo is that Lockjaw is nothing but a big old dog, so why would I want him on the team? I choose to think of the characterization of Lockjaw that was given to us by the infamous John Bryne, the Lockjaw who could speak, but seldom chose to. I know there were objections to Lockjaw being that intelligent compared to the way he was treated by the Inhumans, but I never saw that as a problem. Sure they didn’t speak to him much, but he isn’t exactly a conversationalist. And if his dinner was served in a bowl away from the family, that doesn’t meant they were disrespecting Lockjaw. Rather they were giving him his dignity. His anatomy doesn’t allow him to sit at a table with the rest of the royal family, and no doubt having (again due to his physical make-up) to eat from a bowl is not a pleasant or dignified experience. Allowing him to do so away from everyone else actually bestows dignity on him. Lockjaw knows what it means to be an outcast that is why he has befriended Ben Grimm. I say we return him to that characterization of intelligent, noble, and yet silent. So now that he belongs on the team, can he aid in the field? I would think his strength coupled with his power of teleportation would come in handy, and more than fill this need.

#5 Doughboy (setting: late 80s/early 90s) ““ The Doughboy I have chosen for this team is the one that is rid of the Primis persona. He is simply a pliable creature ready to serve his current master. His loyalty and his shape shifting abilities would know doubt help the team in combat and on missions. Not to mention is there not a bigger outcast than someone who is basically a giant blob of barley sentiment play-dough.

#6 Valeria Richards (setting: 2027 – Again I am pushing “the choose the era” rule here) What I mean by 2027 (is that given the MU that is currently published and set in 2006) in 2027 Valeria will be roughly 22 years old. Plus we all know that at some point there will be another future story, or a way to age Valeria to adulthood, cause FF and time travel are like Pirates and Bluebeard.) ““ Valeria Richards (the current toddler and second child of Reed and Sue for those of you keeping track at home) all grown-up (prematurely matured and/or brought to the present from the past) is the final member of this team. Granted, she hasn’t shown any powers yet, but she no doubt possesses them. Just look at her parents. Speaking of possession, Valeria also has whatever latent powers that were put in her as she is the familiar spirit of Doctor Doom. In fact the betrayer in our midst (and controlled by Dr. Doom) is a great twist for any happy little family and team. Valeria much older than she should be and/or out of time, betrays the team, then its found out to be Doom all along, and the team works to have her feel accepted, and keep her on in the team. That is my sixth, and needlessly complicated final pick for my team the 8 Page Back-Ups.

PftL’s Take: I commend the Lockjaw pick since that creature is probably the coolest dog in all of comics ““ even ahead of Krypto. But, yeah, the Valeria pick is a leap since there has not been any documented (read scripted) history on her character as an adult. Plus, if you’re going to commit to a theme team of back page heroes, you really can’t justify someone who had his own title.

###

Well, who did win? Well, while the entry pool was considerably less than it was last year, this year was still hard to decide who the winner would be. After tossing and turning over it for a couple of days and making cases for all of the submissions, there was just one that caught my eye just a smidge more than the others.

So, congrats to JR from Parts Unknown and his winning entry:

Photon (Leader) ““ That’s right. Monica Rambeau. Why, you ask? Well, there’s plenty of reason. She used to lead the Avengers. She currently leads Nextwave, or whatever that weird Ellis team is called. (I wouldn’t know, I’m not reading that book.) She’s got a military background. She’s got a pretty cool looking costume. But most importantly: She’s probably one of the fastest characters in the Marvel Universe. At top speed, she’s moving at the speed of light. That’s to the sun and back in sixteen minutes. She can be pretty much anywhere on the planet before you can even think about calling her. Add in her leading experience and you’ve got an extremely valuable player.

Doc Sampson ““ Every team needs a strong guy, and Sampson’s traded blows with the Hulk. That’s a good recommendation. Also, he’s a doctor. I’m not sure in what anymore, but he is a doctor, and any kind of booksmarts comes in handy. Just give him his suit with the lightning bolt and something to keep his hair in place so he can grow it longer and we’ve got our tanker!

Karnak ““ This Inhuman’s underrated, in my opinion. If you use him right, he’s tactical perfection. The ability to find the weakest point in something and how to break it is painfully useful. Pair him up with Doc Sampson and have him tell the Doctor where to hit. It’s a match made in heaven! Plus, his connections with the Inhumans Royal Family don’t hurt.

Equinox, the Thermodynamic Man ““ I’d have trouble trying to think of a more obscure character. He popped up two or three times in Marvel Team-Up, if you’re interested. Basically, he’s got control over both fire and ice. It’s like having the Human Torch and Iceman in one crazy-go-nuts shell with horns for some reason! But for serious, he’s about as strong as Spider-Man (not awe-inspiring in the Marvel U, but it’s something) and has some elemental control. Sure, he’s a villain, but you can throw one of those Suicide Squad collars on him, or whatever the Marvel version is. He’s powerless now, but we’re allowed to futz with the time period, so let’s have him at the peak of his powers, in that issue of MTU with Yellowjacket.

Unus the Untouchable ““ Every team needs a mutant. Why not Unus? He’s an ex-con with nothing to lose, and force fields to project. The entire team runs into the battle, light beams flying, fire and ice going every which way, but they need a few seconds to observe the situation. Keep Unus close, within a tight enough proximity that he can cover everyone with a shield, and move as quickly as possible to where they need to be. He’s a powerful support member who can also assist in combat, via force field-shoving. Oh, and as for the time period I want for him: the not-dead one, and also the not-crazy one. Here’s hoping there’s some overlap.

Longshot ““ All right, we’ve got a leader who can turn into light. We’ve got two strong guys, one who can control half the elements. We’ve got a tactical genius. We’ve got shielding. Now, all we need is a little bit of luck. That’s where Longshot comes in. He can use his lucky powers to shove the forces of fate into the team’s hands. Plus, he’s a pretty good fighter and acrobat, so he can assist in combat without a problem.

PftL’s Take: As I looked over all of the picks, this one kept coming back to me. It’s a very solid and tough team. There are some questions ““ the capability of being team players by both of the villains being the obvious one. But having Photon as the leader was great and seeing guys like Doc Sampson (very underrated) and Karnak picked really filled out the team. If Ellis or Benids wrote a one-shot of this one, I would be the first in line.

###

Thanks to everyone who took the time to submit a team this year. It was really appreciated.

Well, I’m off the Longbox this week. Come back next week for the final edition of Preachin’ from the Longbox. Until then, don’t forget to keep you bags and boards together and your continuity straight.

-britt

Spook’d #98: Extreme Lair Makeover – Slashing Prices

Filed under: Comic Strips,Spook'd — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:27 am

by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee

Larger sized comic | ARCHIVES | OLDER ARCHIVES

Spook'd #98: Slashing Prices

To see Spook’d host Alastor’s blogging silliness and more fun Spook’d stuff,visit the Spook’d Web site!

Check out the preview to…

E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | SPOOK’D BLOG | SPOOK’D FORUM | ARCHIVES | OLDER ARCHIVES

Disclaimer: All material in Spook’d is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.

Nocturnal Admissions: Movie Review, The Departed, Part 2

Filed under: Columns,Nocturnal Admissions — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:19 am
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Poster

Let’s state this up front. The Departed is Martin Scorsese’s best movie in a long time. Yes, it depends on how you define “best,” but for me it is his best since the terribly underrated Bringing Out the Dead, which is the last Scorsese movie that feels” like a Scorsese movie rather than some heartless Oscar whoring prestige production.

Violence

That being said, here are some qualifications. The middle drags. The final shoot out goes “a body too far” (explanation to follow). And I hated the rat on the rail in the last shot. What the hell did it mean? What does it mean? The film is also more straightforward than most Scorsese movies. And despite what Michael Ballhaus says, there is more violence in The Departed than in Infernal Affairs.Still, it is Scorsese’s “late masterpiece,” as they say in the quarterlies. And surprisingly, it is as good as the source film, 2002’s Infernal Affairs, though there are some key differences. Infernal Affairs may be more psychologically nuanced (the Matt Damon equivalent discovers that he likes being a cop), but The Departed sports a terrific cast, well used, an intelligent script, non-stop music; it is a Scorsese buff’s wet dream.

Leo

Yet there is a strange tone of detachment that hangs over the film. It’s that unfelt glossy bloat that afflicted Gangs of New York, supposedly a life long “dream project,” and The Aviator, which felt like a job for hire. Scorsese’s last explicit job for hire, Cape Fear, was an interesting psychological study beneath its suspense surface, but has more in common with The Departed than with Aviator.

Jack Nicholson

An increasingly important figure in Scorsese’s films, at least since Alice, is the unsubtle manifestation of pure irrational evil. This figure of evil, who marches through Scorsese’s films in the form of Keitel as Sport in Taxi Driver, Joe Pesci’s character in Casino, and Cutter Gangs of New York, probably has his roots in the director’s Catholicism, though external evil of this kind is not the focus or concern of the religion. Sometimes the “evil” is the central character’s divided self, such as Jake La Motta in Raging Bull, and even the shaver in the short film The Big Shave. Indeed, a tour of Scorsese’s filmography suggests that his strongest films highlight his interest in or exploration of this ominous figure and the weakest have no villain (Kundun, Aviator). An exception is Bill Cutter in Gangs. Despite Scorsese’s attention to detail, the film still feels (that is, assuming that we have all seen the ideal cut).

Matt

Yet, The Departed does go over some of the same terrain as Gangs of New York. Both are tales of a youth (Leonardo DiCaprio) going undercover to defeat a brazenly evil man who, to different degrees, knew his father. And both share an interest, a fascination, a revulsion even, for a figure of absolute evil. Nicholson’s Frank Costello is in line with Scorsese’s earlier portraits of callous gangsters who brook no dissension, be it Keitel’s uncle in Mean Streets, who insists that the epileptic Teresa is “sick in the head, or Paul Sorvino in Goodfellas. Nicholson’s addition to the template is a heightened level of scary wackiness. What’s interesting to contemplate about his character is why people love or obey him in the first place. His top aide, Mr. French (Ray Winstone), is loyal, and Damon’s character is devoted, but why? What do they get out of it, since Costello gets all the money and the girls. And despite his ferociousness, characters like DiCaprio’s, who seem to be in constant jeopardy, talk back at him. There is even an element of the Whitey Bulger case in that Costello, it turns out, is a protected FBI informant, which really pisses off Sullivan, who feels betrayed by this underhanded, behind the back self-insurance.

Silhouette

I was surprised by two things. One, its fidelity to the source film, and how dark some of the early shots were, in defiance of what Ballhaus said in his AC interview. There, you will recall, Ballhaus said that he complained that Infernal Affairs is too dark at times. Yet Ballhaus starts out his film, intentionally of course (to mask Nicholson’s age for scenes set 15 years earlier) with shots of the actor in dark silhouette.

Vera

In his script, William Monahan ( Kingdom of Heaven) makes two key changes. In Infernal Affairs, undercover cop Tony Leung sees a police psychiatrist who seems to know that he is an undercover cop, while gang mole Andy Lau marries an aspiring novelist, and whom he met (as seen in 2) when she was arrested for public drunkenness. In Monahan’s version, DiCaprio’s Billy Costigan and Damon’s Colin Sullivan “share” the same woman, psychiatrist Madolyn (Vera Farmiga, whom you all remember from the great Running Scared), which strikes me as a peculiarly American obsession or at least an obsession of movie makers. Second, Monahan changes Sullivan’s motivation. Lau finds that he likes being a cop, and part of the actions he takes at the end, including killing Sam, are designed to insure that he can continue to thrive as a cop.

But these are interesting variations on a great premise. And The Departed proves to be one of the few films released this year worth talking about at this length.

October 7, 2006

Melonpool Quickcast #16: Mayberry Meets Amber Tamblyn

Filed under: Melonpool Quickcast — admin @ 3:16 am
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-By Steve Troop

Based on Steve Troop’s classic webcomic of the same name, the Melonpool Quickcast features puppet versions of Troop’s alien cast, who are desperately trying to make heads or tails out of Earth culture.

Amber and Mayberry

Amber Tamblyn (star of “The Grudge 2” and “Joan of Arcadia,”) is interviewed at the San Diego Comic-Con by Mayberry … or does she interview him?

Don’t forget to comment on this and other Melonpool Quickcasts over at the official Melonpool Quickcast Forum!

Mayberry Avatar Ralph Avatar Sam Avatar Sammy Avatar Roberta Avatar

Melonpool Quickcast #15: Sammy’s Apartment:

  • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 21 MB)
  • Small (320 x 240 – QuickTime – 9 MB)

Take Me Home Blog #11 – You’re Short… I Mean, Your Short

Filed under: Production Blogs,Take Me Home Blog — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:51 am
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THE TURNING POINT

Last week I set out a plan to take over the world. Cleverly disguised as an invitation to filmmakers to shoot a short film by the end of this month, this call to arms will be seen in the coming years as THE BEGINNING OF THE END!!!!!!!! Or, quite possibly, THE END OF THE BEGINNING!! Or, if historians mishandle the facts, THE MIDDLE OF THE MIDDLE. But I surmise that THIS, October 6th in the year of our lord 2006, is a turning point for us all!!!*

*(“us all” being myself and the two people reading this)

TO THIEF A CATCH
Still struggling for a topic for your short? Relying on the old adage that “all good ideas are taken?” Amen, I say. My advice in this situation is quite simple: steal. Steal like the dickens. There’s no room for shame in the movie business “not after “Anaconda”. Do you know how many “Casablanca” rip-offs were made after that film struck gold? Now obviously, you don’t want your film to stink of unoriginality. So be SPECIFIC about your thieving. Make it a challenge. See if you can steal a single line from each of your twenty favorite films and make a story based on those lines. Try avoiding the obvious ones, like “We are now the knights who say: Icky Icky Icky Sublang Whupsunofverch…” But steal a couple of gems, a couple of random quips, and you’re on your way.

BORED? STORYBOARD!
Today I’m putting the finishing touches on my storyboards. This, in my opinion, is the most helpful preproduction you can possibly do. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve been brought to the set of a film only to stand around as the director and cinematographer wander around looking for the perfect shot. Time wasted. Just the act of sitting down to conceptualize how your story is going to look will shift your thinking. You’ll etch a dialogue between two people and immediately know whether it looks right. If it doesn’t, go back to any film you love and study where the cinematographer puts the faces on the screen. Next week, I’ll post a sequence of these shots for y’all. If you’re doubting your directorial expertise, I guarantee storyboarding will get you over that hump.

HAVE YOU CALLED YOUR MOTHER LATELY?
To make this film on the cheap, you’ve got to aim high and buy LOW. It’d be great to have a fully paid union crew, but we all know that ain’t gonna’ happen. And it’s okay. Darren Aronofsky’s mother worked catering for his first film, “Pi”. Does the film LOOK like it was shot by a misfed crew? Not so much. So grab as many people who love you or owe you money, and ask them to take some time out of their upcoming weekend(s). And remember, you may lose friends by overworking them, but your mother will always be your mother no matter how much she wants out of it.

REFORMAT YOUR HARD DRIVE
Right now is the perfect time to take advantage of new media formats, as well as old. Places like Pro8 (find it on the web at www.pro8mm.com) here in LA offer their own quality 8mm film stock. If you’ve got an old Super 8 camera, you’re halfway there. It costs around $35 to buy and process a role of Super 8 film. Granted, a role is only 3 minutes long, but if you maximize your shoot, you can get everything you need in the can for under $150. Or shoot with the old Fisher Price PXL200. Or take a thousand shots with your cell phone camera. Whatever format you shoot in, just make sure it doesn’t look like you hired your sister to do the lighting (which, most likely, you did).

SHOOT THE SHORT, AVOID “THE SHLONG”
We shot a great film three years ago called “Advantage Hart” (see it on www.ifilm.com) starring Kate Bosworth. What was a mystery to us was why festivals weren’t gobbling it up. And then we realized: festivals didn’t know what to do with a 34 minute short film. It’s a little long. A few more scenes and we had ourselves a feature (which would have been better for the film, to be honest). In the end, we got into two festivals and the film has been nothing but a burden to its creators. So please, make it short and sweet. Save the big monologues and the epic storylines for your big epic. In the meantime, give people the best damn five minutes you can. You’ll be surprised how much more willing people are to watch a flick that’s five minutes long than one that’s thirty-five minutes.

RAPE THE LAND
October is easily the most visually stunning month of the year: bright leaves, warm sunsets. It’s hard NOT to capture some real beauty. If you’ve got a scene outdoors, don’t set it on a street corner, set it on a hillside. Underneath a red maple tree. Use that soft, forgiving autumn sunlight to light your actors. I’m fortunate enough that 90% of my story happens on a farm and in the woods. The production value is free. All I’ve got to do is capture what’s already being provided.

DEADLINES
By this time next week, I will have secured my major locations, my cast, and my crew. The script is done as of today, and the storyboards as well. Make a checklist for yourself, and see if you can catch up with me. Take time out of your work day; trust me, your boss won’t mind. Everybody likes movies. Offer him/her a part. He’ll blush, he’ll get excited, he’ll get behind you 100 percent.

And THAT’S when you ask for the raise.

Hell, if it’s gonna’ happen, it might as well happen now.

NEXT WEEK: SHOOT FIRST, ASK QUESTIONS LATER.

-Sam Jaeger

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Comics in Context #149: Forty Years In Shadows

Filed under: Columns,Comics in Context — admin @ 2:45 am
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darkshadows.jpgOnly last week in “The Fred Hembeck Show” #74, its namesake confessed what he considered his deep, dark and shameful secret: that he, Fred Hembeck, was a soap opera fan. In sharp contrast, from almost the very start of “Comics in Context” three years ago, I have proudly proclaimed my own undying devotion to one particular soap opera: that classic melding of the daytime serial with Gothic melodrama, Dark Shadows, whose leading character was a villain turned tragic hero, the vampire Barnabas Collins.

During the series’ original run, Dark Shadows became an enormous hit among young Baby Boomers, much like that later serial TV drama about vampires in a small town, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, did among young viewers in more recent years. During its original run Dark Shadows spawned two MGM movies, one of which, House of Dark Shadows (1970), will be shown on Turner Classic Movies the night of October 20. There were also Dark Shadows novels, a Dark Shadows newspaper comic strip, and Dark Shadows comic books, more than justifying the show’s suitability as a topic for my column.

Way back in “Comics in Context” #11 I wrote an appreciation of the show, and in #12 I wrote about the 2003 Dark Shadows Festival, one of the annual conventions that celebrate the series. It had been announced that this would be the last of the official Festivals, much to the distress of both fans and members of the show’s original cast. In fact, one of the leading cast members, Kathryn Leigh Scott, even publicly confronted Festival head Jim Pierson onstage over this issue. So the conventions continued, albeit under different names, like the “Dark Shadows Weekend” on which I reported in “Comics in Context” #50 in 2004. Last year’s convention was held in Los Angeles, and I did not attend, but this August the convention returned to New York to celebrate the fortieth anniversary of the original series, which ran from 1966 to 1971.

You might expect that these conventions would be attended almost entirely by aging Boomers who watched the show as children, and there are indeed a lot of us there. But, appropriately, Dark Shadows has proved to be The Show That Will Not Die. Several years after it went off the air in 1971, Dark Shadows returned in syndication, and it later found a home on various public television stations, and still later on the newly founded Sci-Fi Channel. As a result, new generations of viewers have had the opportunity to discover Dark Shadows for themselves.

You may have observed that many cable networks start out by running classic TV series from the 1950s and 1960s, which they can acquire inexpensively, but as the cable network grows more successful, it dumps them. The Sci-Fi Channel followed the same pattern (but its management has had the good taste to retain the original Twilight Zone and to run the new Doctor Who, so they should be forgiven).

But this has not spelled the end of Dark Shadows, either. At this year’s “Dark Shadows 40th Anniversary Celebration Weekend,” when speakers asked how many people in the audience were attending for the first time, an astoundingly large number of hands were raised. The reason is the revolution in video technology. MPI Home Video has issued the entire original series, first on VHS and now on DVD, and once a movie or television show is on DVD, its permanence is assured. (The short-lived 1991 revival of Dark Shadows, which had the misfortune of debuting the week that the first Gulf War began, also recently came out on DVD.) Moreover, as was noted onstage, it seems that people who watched DS when they were growing up are now using the DVDs to introduce the show to their children–and even grandchildren.

Here is an aspect of the DVD revolution that is worth further examination: its capacity for extending the shelf life of the popular culture of previous generations. For example, I’ve worried in this column about how Cartoon Network and Boomerang have considerably reduced showings of classic Warners cartoons. Will the superb Looney Tunes Golden Collection DVD sets succeed in introducing new generations to Bugs Bunny and company instead?

Earlier in this fortieth anniversary year for Dark Shadows, its creator, executive producer, and owner Dan Curtis, who directed its two movie spinoffs, passed away at the age of 78. Yet 2006 has also brought a rebirth for Dark Shadows in the form of new projects that serve as continuations of the original series. One is a new paperback novel from Tor Books, Dark Shadows: The Salem Branch, written by Lara Parker, who played the key role of the witch Angelique on the original series. The other is a new series of radio-style dramas on CD, produced by the British company Big Finish, which is best known for its long series of Doctor Who audio dramas featuring cast members from over the long history of that television series. Big Finish’s first two Dark Shadows CDs debuted at this year’s “40th Anniversary Celebration Weekend”; two more, including a Christmas-themed story, will be released in November.

With Dark Shadows: The Salem Branch, Lara Parker has now written two Dark Shadows novels, which simultaneously serve as prequels and sequels to the original television series. In Barnabas’s backstory, in the late 18th century he visited the West Indian island of Martinique, where he had an affair with Angelique, the servant of an emigre French aristocrat named Josette DuPres. However, Barnabas dumped Angelique in order to become engaged to the wealthier and more socially respectable Josette. Unknown to either Barnabas or Josette, Angelique had been taught magic, including voodoo, by her mother. In the television series’ classic 1795 flashback arc, Josette arrived in Collinsport for her wedding to Barnabas, accompanied by the seemingly loyal Angelique, who began secretly using magic to prevent their marriage. In time Angelique succeeded in persuading Barnabas to marry her instead, but after their wedding he discovered she was a witch. His love for Josette returned, and he shot Angelique, who, dying, cursed Barnabas to become a vampire.

Like actor Jonathan Frid as Barnabas, from the start Parker always endowed a character who could easily have been played as a one-dimensional villain with a sympathetic side, and the show’s writers responded. Angelique did not stay dead, but repeatedly returned through most of the series, often to take further vengeance on Barnabas. But, though it was mixed with hatred, the love she professed for Barnabas was real, as the series continued, she increasingly acted as his ally. In fact, in Angelique’s final appearances in the series, she lifted Barnabas’s curse and achieved redemption, only to be murdered by one of Barnabas’s enemies.

The title of Parker’s first novel, Angelique’s Descent, which is now out of print, carries a double meaning. The book is partially set in 1971, immediately after the end of the original television series. Now human once more, Barnabas finds Angelique’s 18th century diaries, which make up the heart of the novel. Through the diaries Parker fleshes out the Martinique backstory for Barnabas, Josette, and Angelique, depicting events that were never actually dramatized on the TV series, while showing them from Angelique’s viewpoint. Thus the readers get to learn Angelique’s “descent.” Her mother not only knew voodoo but was black (though since Angelique/Parker looks wholly Caucasian, this seems unlikely). Parker also reveals the identity of Angelique’s father, which will not only surprise Dark Shadows fans but makes such good sense thematically and dramatically that it should be part of the show’s official canon.

Through the diaries traces Angelique’s life from her childhood, when she is worshipped as a voodoo goddess, through her affair with Barnabas, presenting her not as a stereotypical scheming femme fatale but as an innocent who fell deeply in love for the first time and was indeed betrayed. The novel moves on to retell the familiar events of the 1795 arc from Angelique’s perspective, as her frustrated, unrequited passion for Barnabas led her down an increasingly immoral path, climaxing with the laying of her curse on Barnabas, whereby she sealed her own damnation. This is the other meaning of the title Angelique’s Descent.

My impression is that Dark Shadows fans generally prefer a more clearly evil Angelique, and, indeed, the two attempted revivals of the series for television portray the character as purely villainous. (Even so, Lysette Anthony’s sensual Angelique in the 1991 revival was perhaps its most memorable performance.)

But I’ve liked the resolution of Angelique’s story in 1971, including Barnabas’s anguished reaction to her death, ever since I first saw it, because there, towards the very end of the series, the writers performed the startling feat of turning the show upside down. Until then, it had seemed to be the story of how evil Angelique persecuted Barnabas, who remained steadfastly (or obsessively) in love with Josette–and with numerous ingenue characters who reminded him of her. The final Angelique episodes postulated that Barnabas had subconsciously been in love with Angelique all along but had refused to let himself admit him, thus inducing the longtime viewer to reconsider the entire series from a different perspective. Angelique’s Descent accomplishes a similar feat, reinterpreting the Barnabas-Angelique-Josette triangle at the heart of the series, without either excusing Angelique’s crimes or violating the spirit of the original show.

Parker’s second novel, Dark Shadows: The Salem Branch, concocts lemonade from the seeming lemons that the original series offered up in the fall of 1970. Dark Shadows‘ writers had traditionally been careful in maintaining its continuity in detail, but they became sloppy in the show’s final year. Having previously established that Angelique had grown up in Martinique in the late 18th century, in 1970 they devised a flashback sequence showing that Angelique was really Miranda Duval, a member of a witches’ coven headed by the warlock Judah Zachary in the late 17th century. Miranda had been persuaded by Barnabas’s ancestor, Amadeus Collins, to testify against Zachary in a trial that was obviously inspired by the actual Salem witch trials of the same period. (Perhaps the writers thought no one would notice the discrepancy, but in the age of home video, TV series can no longer get away with violating their own continuity.) Parker solves the continuity conundrum by establishing that Angelique was a reincarnation of Miranda.

If Miranda/Angelique had been reincarnated once, it could happen again. Angelique’s Descent concludes with an Angelique/Parker lookalike turning up in Collinsport. This woman and her troubled daughter become major characters in The Salem Branch, and Barnabas is understandably suspicious that Angelique has returned again; I will leave it to you to read the book and find out whether he is right.

The Miranda storyline enables Parker to engage in one of Dark Shadows‘ trademark tropes: a character traveling from the present into another time period. In this case, Barnabas finds himself transported to Miranda’s own time. It might have been more dramatically effective had Parker found a less passive role for Barnabas to play in the 17th century than that of witness. Presumably, however, Barnabas could not have been allowed to intervene in events enough to alter the established history of Dark Shadows characters.

What is most remarkable about The Salem Branch are Parker’s successful efforts at updating Dark Shadows without violating either its letter or its spirit. One obvious example is that the Angelique lookalike befriends a community of hippies who settle on the property she has purchased from the Collins family. At this year’s convention Parker admitted that she based this aspect of the book on her own countercultural experiences in the 1960s.

In order to maintain the proper Gothic atmosphere, the original Dark Shadows series, even when telling stories set in the then-present (1966-1971), downplayed any evidence of modernity. As cast member Nancy Barrett remarks in her cabaret show, the Collinses were wealthy, but (as far as we could tell) didn’t own a radio or a television set. Aside from the younger actresses’ miniskirts, the Sixties rarely made their presence felt onscreen in the original series.

But in Parker’s novel the hippies’ presence works. For one thing, the Sixties no longer connote the present but the past, approaching a half-century ago: the hippie sequences have themselves become period pieces, and thus more appropriate to Dark Shadows.

Also, one of the things that made Dark Shadows work was the contrast between the emotionally repressed world of the normal characters and the secret world of the vampires, werewolves and witches, who embodied those forbidden lusts and violent passions. There was not even a hint that ingenue characters like Maggie and Carolyn and Vicki slept with their boyfriends. Barnabas himself typically suffered in unconsummated love for characters like Josette; his compulsive vampiric attacks might represent his frustrated emotions uncontrollably bursting forth. So it is intriguing for Parker to juxtapose Barnabas and these decidedly uninhibited hippies and to examine his reactions to them. Parker thus challenges the inhibited Gothic milieu of Dark Shadows without overturning it.

Unsurprisingly, family patriarch Roger Collins is outraged by the newcomers. Come to think of it, Parker’s hippies are not unlike the gypsies who settled on Collins property in the original series’ 1897 story arc; that generation’s patriarch, Edward Collins, disdained them, too.

The time travel element permits Parker to pursue a narrative strategy similar to that of Angelique’s Descent: this time she retells the real history of the Salem witch trials, but from the perspective of a Miranda, a practitioner of witchcraft. At this year’s convention, Parker observed that in most stories about the trials, the alleged witches are innocent, but, she asked, what if there had been a real witch present?

In the original Dark Shadows series, all practitioners of witchcraft were in league with the devil. Parker takes a more contemporary and positive attitude towards witchcraft in her book. Judah Zachary remains a satanic presence, but Miranda’s magical abilities are not depicted as gifts of the devil, but as innate talents that can be used either for good or evil (as with witches Willow and Tara on Buffy). Parker is aware of contemporary Wiccans, as evidenced by a video shown at the convention in which she visits the real Salem. Her depiction of Miranda may also remind readers of mutants in Marvel’s X-Men: a young girl who discovers her unusual abilities, but must hide them for fear of persecution.

This approach is actually more in keeping with the spirit of the original Dark Shadows than one might at first think. Barnabas began in the show as a villain, but eventually evolved into the series’ hero, who utilized his vampiric abilities to protect the family against various threats. But if he was publicly exposed as a vampire, he knew he would become an outcast, and be hunted down and destroyed. Although the series established Angelique to be a servant of the Devil, as it went on, she repeatedly allied herself with the heroes against other evildoers (and therefore, presumably, against her supposed Master’s wishes). Witchhunters, like the members of the Trask family, were greater menaces on Dark Shadows than some of the supernatural beings they hounded. Dark Shadows and X-Men were products of the same decade, and I have long wondered about the seeming coincidence that the most notorious mutant hunters in X-Men also bear the last name of Trask.

What is most astonishing is The Salem Branch‘s depiction of vampirism. The original series depicted vampirism as a curse, which Barnabas longed to escape. But in Parker’s new novel, the cured Barnabas finds himself missing various aspects of being a vampire. As a vampire his senses were sharper, he had greater strength and physical grace, and he even could think more clearly. Now he can see his own reflection, but is distraught to find signs of aging. This surely reflects the author’s–and her readers’–own concerns about growing older. But I suspect it also indicates the influence of contemporary pop culture treatments of vampirism, such as Anne Rice’s novels and Joss Whedon’s Angel, which present vampires not as repulsive walking corpses but as superhuman immortals whose powers are enviable.

Again, Parker is actually being faithful to a subtext of the original series. Though Barnabas wanted to be human, during those periods of the show in which he was (temporarily) cured, he was far less effective against supernatural adversaries. The super-powers (for that is what they were) he possessed as a vampire came in handy. And clearly the audience preferred watching Barnabas as a vampire: when ratings declined, his curse would invariably return.

In each novel so far, Parker seems to find particular pleasure in writing dialogue for one of the original Dark Shadows characters. In Descent it was Roger, an irascible, old money New England WASP, who, as performed by the late Louis Edmonds, was reminiscent of movie characters played by George Sanders and Clifton Webb. The makers of the 1991 revival and the unsuccessful recent DS pilot for the WB Network clearly didn’t fathom this character type, but Parker gets it. In Salem Branch the standout is Carolyn, the Collins heiress, whom Nancy Barrett played as a young woman of wry intelligence and spirit who was frustrated by the ingenue role to which life (and the writers) had condemned her. Parker captures this, as well as justly depicting Carolyn as too spoiled to go out and get a real job, or go to college, or just leave town; after forty years of feminism, Carolyn’s insistence on living idly at home with mom no longer seems acceptable.

I am not sure what I feel about the ending of Salem Branch; perhaps I’ll have to reread it to clarify my opinion. I will say that Parker has an insightful take on the relationship between Barnabas and his closest ally, Dr. Julia Hoffman, the physician who succeeded in curing his vampirism. A career woman before the rise of feminism, Julia was written on the show as a middle-aged spinster, pathetically in love with Barnabas, who rarely seemed to notice. Following the lead of DS writer Sam Hall, Parker has Barnabas engaged to Julia, but Parker makes clear that Barnabas is acting from a sense of duty and gratitude to her, not out of any real passion. In the conclusion to Salem Branch, Parker shows just how far Julia’s self-sacrificing love for Barnabas would take her, and I hope she gets to write a third Shadows novel so we can see where Barnabas and Julia go from here.

The high point of the 2003 Dark Shadows Festival was the live performance of Return to Collinwood, a play written in the style of a radio drama by Jamison Selby, the son of David Selby, who played Quentin Collins in the original series. Enacted onstage by members of the original DS cast, Return to Collinwood showed what had happened to the show’s familiar characters in the early 21st century. Return was subsequently released on CD. Jamison Selby wrote a sequel, in which the ghost of Reverend Trask returns, for the 2004 convention.

Now the British company Big Finish Productions has obtained the rights to produce new Dark Shadows audio dramas into the year 2009. The first two CDs, The House of Despair and The Book of Temptation, were unveiled at this year’s “40th Anniversary Celebration Weekend.” Both feature four members of the original cast–David Selby as Quentin, Lara Parker as Angelique, Kathryn Leigh Scott as Maggie Evans, and John Karlen as Willie Loomis–as well as familiar examples of composer Robert Cobert’s music for the original series.

Listening to the first CD, at first I found the story meandering and worried that it diverged too far from the feel of the show. But as Quentin, returned from years of wandering, ventured into a mysteriously abandoned Collinwood, I was hooked. Dark Shadows has been shown on British television, and, listening to the CDs, I gained confidence that the people at Big Finish had a good grasp of the spirit of the original series.

I was even pleased by a detail that many might overlook: ominous birds roosting at the deserted Collinwood. Dark Shadows aficionados know that the show was a postmodern pastiche of reworkings of elements from past horror classics. Could the birds in House of Despair be a nod to director Alfred Hitchcock’s and novelist Daphne DuMaurier’s The Birds (1963)? The TV show did a homage to Hitchcock and DuMaurier’s Rebecca (1940) but never got around to this.

One element of the CDs definitely doesn’t work. On Big Finish’s “Dark Shadows Reborn” website (http://www.darkshadowsreborn.com/news001.htm) producer Stuart Manning says, “To preserve the soap opera tradition of the original series, each disc is split into three episodes, with a cliffhanger at the end of each episode.” But since each CD runs continuously for about an hour, there’s no point to this arbitrary division, and the recurring, seemingly purposeless use of Cobert’s opening theme music becomes increasingly annoying. (Cobert’s celebrated “Quentin’s Theme” and his jaunty background music for Collinsport’s tavern, the Blue Whale, make welcome appearances on the CDs, and I hope Big Finish uses still more of his Shadows score on future CDs. Just don’t wear out the opening theme’s welcome!)

What does work very well indeed are the performances by the four original Dark Shadows cast members, returning to familiar roles from their youth, but now bringing considerably more experience as actors to those parts. Scott’s portrayal of Maggie is especially interesting. Some of Scott’s best moments on the original show came when she displayed a strong will from behind the facade of the stereotypical ingenue victims she was assigned to play. The Big Finish writers depict Maggie as resentful and embittered by her harrowing past experiences with the Collins family, and Scott brings this off without losing the sense of the endearing heroine that won her fans in the first place. Interestingly, this jaded Maggie is reminiscent of the character’s first appearance on the show, when she was written as an irreverent waitress, like an Eve Arden role, warning the show’s original heroine Victoria Winters to steer clear of the Collinses.

Return to Collinwood and the Big Finish DS dramas faced the same dilemma. Many significant members of the original cast have passed away, and others are unavailable for other reasons. Most significantly, Jonathan Frid, who played Barnabas, went into semi-retirement in his native Canada in the early 1990s, and has not even attended one of the DS Festivals since then.

In the first of their DS CDs, The House of Despair, Big Finish comes up with a clever way of writing out most of the familiar characters while leaving the door open to their eventual return. Further, Big Finish bites the bullet and casts a new actor as Barnabas. Big Finish even comes up with a rationale within the story for Barnabas having a different voice. I won’t give away their explanation here, but it’s not surprising considering Big Finish’s experience with the Doctor Who mythos. The new actor is acceptable in the part, but he has a long way to go to match the Big Four from the original show. I don’t think I’m reacting simply out of nostalgia here. Karlen, Parker, Scott and Selby exude such authority and charismatic presence in these roles that it would be hard for most newcomers to measure up. The Book of Temptation isn’t as good as House of Despair, but admirably further explores the “new” Barnabas’s character.

With so many other characters having been written out, it is Barnabas, Quentin and Angelique, the three immortals, who take up residence in Collinwood in the Big Finish CDs. In the original show I had the impression that there were two communities: the “normal” people, who lived at the Collinwood mansion, and Barnabas and his allies, who were based at the Old House on the Collins estate, and who either secretly possessed supernatural abilities or guarded Barnabas’s secrets. Originally, Dark Shadows was about the “normals,” but it was the outsiders, like Barnabas and Quentin, who became the dominant characters. (This is indeed a 1960s show.) So it is appropriate that now this trio–a vampire, a werewolf and a witch–have finally taken possession of the main house.

But now don’t we have three different series of sequels to the original Dark Shadows: Lara Parker’s novels, Jamison Selby’s plays, and the Big Finish audio dramas?

On the aforementioned website Stuart Manning asserts that the Big Finish stories “take place between the end of the original series, and before Return to Collinwood. . . . We’ve deliberately avoided stating a specific timeframe, so that fans can decide a place for the new stories to take place. We could say they take place in 1975, 1982 or whenever, but I think that makes things less engaging. For us, these stories are happening now, in their own present, and they can be enjoyed more thoroughly if approached in that way.” That’s a fair approach. Parker’s novels are explicitly set in 1971, so the Big Finish CDs could take place afterwards.

It would be advisable if everybody working on Shadows sequels adheres to a consistent continuity. With some effort the Parker novels, Selby plays and Big Finish CDs can be made to fit together, although it looks as if Angelique’s reincarnation will have to die and be resurrected twice to fit the continuity of Return and House of Despair. (Well, for Angelique this is no big deal: she could compete with X-Men‘s Jean Grey for most deaths and resurrections.) Parker burned down the Old House in Descent but rebuilds and restores it in Salem Branch, which is a good thing, since Willie Loomis lives there in Return to Collinwood!

It’s strange that these sequels to the original Dark Shadows series are more successful creatively than Dan Curtis Productions’ own attempts to reboot it from the beginning. The 1991 revival lasted only two months and does not seem to have inspired enduring affection in DS fandom. Curtis tried again in 2004 with a pilot he and John Wells (of ER and The West Wing) produced for the WB Network. Dark Shadows was a forebear of Buffy and Angel; wouldn’t it have been appropriate if a revival become their successor on the WB? But the pilot, directed by P. J. Hogan, who also helmed the 2003 Peter Pan movie, bombed, and the WB lost interest in Dark Shadows.

The pilot was shown publicly for the first time at last year’s Dark Shadows convention in Los Angeles, and was shown again at this summer’s New York “Celebration Weekend.” I found the pilot an interesting variation on the events that have already been depicted onscreen three times (in the original series, House of Dark Shadows, and the 1991 revival), but as a friend observed, you can see why it wasn’t picked up.

The pilot opens with DS‘s traditional opening scene: Victoria Winters riding a train to Collinsport to begin her new job as the Collins family governess. But already the pilot gets things wrong. The new Vicki has short blonde hair, which makes her look too modern: her predecessors in the role had long, dark hair, which helped make them look the part of the heroine of a Gothic romance. As creator Dan Curtis stated, that’s what Dark Shadows is, so it’s also wrong when the new Vicki abruptly sees a grotesque living corpse appear on the train. The apparition turns out to be part of a dream, but Dark Shadows rarely dealt in such horrific sorts of shock effects. The train ride should instead set a quietly eerie mood as this isolated young woman travels into the unknown. But then, there is a nice touch: when she gets off the train in Collinsport, Vicki notices that her cell phone no longer works. That is right in keeping with the way the series avoided such tokens of contemporary times.

That opening sets the pattern for the rest of the pilot: there are interesting new ideas here and there, but also dreadful errors in tone, and overall the pilot fails to awaken the dramatic power that Shadows aficionados know, from previous versions, these familiar events hold. The early episodes of the 1991 revival were virtually scene-by-scene remakes of House of Dark Shadows; the new pilot does not fall into this trap, but does not find a different way to bring the same basic storyline to effectively dramatic life.

Since this pilot was intended for the WB, various principal cast members are (or at least look) younger than their counterparts in the original series. Blair Brown, as the family matriarch Elizabeth, looks and acts younger than Joan Bennett and Jean Simmons, both veterans of Hollywood’s Golden Age, did in the role in previous versions. But then Elizabeth, another old school WASP aristocrat, shouldn’t come off as vivacious and outgoing. As noted earlier, the pilot gets Roger wrong, though it gets Carolyn and Roger’s troubled son David right. Rather than the scruffy ne’er-do-well that John Karlen played on the original series, the pilot’s Willie Loomis seems more like a young, bespectacled slacker; that’s surprising at first, but it’s an interesting variation. What’s really strange is that Dr. Julia Hoffman is played by Kelly Hu, who portrayed Lady Deathstrike in the second X-Men movie. (As Dark Shadows aficionado Richard Howell pointed out, this makes her Doctor Hu.) Even apart from the fact that the name “Hoffman” doesn’t suggest an Asian-American background, casting the young and gorgeous Ms. Hu misses the point that Dr. Hoffman is supposed to be middle-aged, lonely, and rather drab. (Then again, one of the big surprises for me at this year’s convention came from the biographer of the late Grayson Hall, the original Julia, who said that Mike Nichols had originally intended to cast Hall as Mrs. Robinson in The Graduate!)

The 1960s and 1990s versions of Willie Loomis would repel most women, but since the 2004 pilot was for the WB, its more presentable Willie has a girlfriend, and together they make the fateful expedition to the Collins crypt, hunting the family’s legendary treasure, where the chained coffin imprisoning Barnabas is concealed in a secret room. Here too there are some interesting new touches. Instead of lying conscious within his coffin for nearly two centuries, this Barnabas is a decayed corpse, truly dead, who is inadvertedly resurrected by a drop of blood. In this version of the scene of Barnabas’s release, we finally see the treasure: a torrent of gold coins fall onto the floor. But the pilot muffs the pain point again. This Barnabas holds Willie down while killing his girlfriend. There’s too much going on at once: the scene misses the iconic simplicity of the original version, with Barnabas’s hand thrusting from the coffin and seizing Willie around the neck.

By following too closely the template of House of Dark Shadows, in which Barnabas is clearly a villain, the 1991 revival failed to make clear early enough that Barnabas is a reluctant vampire, tormented with guilt over his curse. To its credit, the pilot establishes this early on in a scene in which Barnabas cannot bring himself to bite the sleeping Vicki. (As in the 1991 revival, Vicki is the apparent reincarnation of Josette; this is a distinct improvement on the original series.)

Dan Curtis originally intended Barnabas to be a villain who would be killed off within several weeks, and so he cast Jonathan Frid, a middle-aged actor with a background playing Shakespearean roles like Richard III. For the revivals, Curtis and company knew that Barnabas was the star role and cast more conventional leading men. In the 2004 pilot Barnabas becomes a young hunk, played by Alec Newman, who starred in the Sci-Fi Channel’s recent remake of Dune. Newman didn’t make much of an impression on me, except in a lengthy scene, set in Josette’s room in the Old House, in which he recounts the story of Barnabas’s doomed relationship with Josette to Vicki. During the “Celebration Weekend” we were also shown screen tests for the 1991 series, including Ben Cross’s performance of this same scene. I hadn’t liked Cross’s portrayal back in 1991, but I was impressed with him here; perhaps I should take another look at the 1991 revival.

This points to the biggest problem with the attempted DS television revivals. The original Dark Shadows was a highly theatrical show, drawing its cast from the New York stage. It created drama and characterization through extended scenes that could have been enacted onstage. The scripts for pilot, and to a lesser extent the 1991 series, were constructed more cinematically, with scenes consisting of only brief dialogue exchanges. In contrast, the scene in Josette’s room stands out for giving its characters enough time to express their personalities, to establish a bond, to create the correct romantic mood, and to draw the audience in.

What made Frid’s Barnabas work was his Shakespearean background, which enabled him to make his character larger than life, iconic, nuanced, and even tragic rather than merely melodramatic. Newman’s Barnabas is none of this, but perhaps he could have been had the pilot given him more room to breathe before rushing onward to the next plot point.

Before the pilot was shown, convention head Jim Pierson, who has long worked for Dan Curtis Productions, warned the audience that “the last scene is not in the character of the Dark Shadows that Dan Curtis created.” It certainly wasn’t. Driving a car along a dark road, Vicki collides with Angelique, who is not killed, but maniacally roars at Vicki, who screams in response. Like I said, cheap shock effects. That last scene convinced me that we’re better off without this revival, although I wonder, now that Curtis is gone, whether any future attempt to resurrect Dark Shadows on television will have any real fidelity to the original.

I could write a lot about this year’s “Celebration Weekend,” but I have time only to mention a few things . For example, in the 1980s I was present at the Festival’s annual auction when a portrait of Angelique that was used on the original series went up for sale. In a suspenseful round of bidding, a friend of mine purchased it for nearly three thousand dollars. (I got to help him carry his prize home!) At this year’s auction the portrait of Barnabas from House of Dark Shadows sold for $13,000!

Autobiography took very different dramatic forms. Cast member Christopher Pennock performed a bravura reading of his latest comic book, turning his past and present into phantasmagorical black comedy. (I wonder why other comics authors don’t do dramatic readings of their work.)

Nancy Barrett further reworked her cabaret act, using both familiar and obscure songs to tell her life story, including her initial fears of pursuing her career, allusions to unhappy failed relationships with men, and finally achieving self-realization in later life. All this and tap dancing too. (“I don’t have to be a really good tap dancer,” she told us modestly, “just really loud.”

Broadway legend Donna McKechnie, a member of the original cast of A Chorus Line, made her first Dark Shadows convention appearance since 1981 (!), in order to promote her new autobiography Time Steps: My Musical Comedy Life. She read us the section about how she was written out of Shadows when she had to leave to start rehearsals for the original production of Company. In a reworking of the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, her character and Quentin were attempting to escape from the underworld when she was buried beneath a sudden avalanche. McKechnie said she had not been warned that the stagehands were going to use “ten times” more “peat moss and Styrofoam rocks” than they had in rehearsal. She said she was “knocked down” and had peat moss “in my mouth, in my ears,” and then the lights went out: the whole crew had moved on to shoot the next scene, leaving her under all the peat moss and Styrofoam. “It seems funny now,” she told us, “but at the time it seemed an ungracious way to say goodbye.” And then we got to watch her infectious delight as she saw her death-by-avalanche replayed on the convention’s big screen.

McKechnie and Pennock weren’t the only authors there; almost every one of the original cast members who were present at the “Celebration Weekend” had recently written a book. (Nancy Barrett hadn’t, but she was selling a CD of her cabaret show instead.) I found this inspiring: these people were acting forty years ago and still find creative outlets, whether as performers or as writers; I hope as the decades pass I will continue to write books myself.

On the “Cast Reunion” panel actress Betsy Durkin told us, “I don’t think you’re ever too old to expand yourself and grow,” and was seconded by McKechnie. Lara Parker declared, “We have not stopped reinventing ourselves.” Kathryn Leigh Scott marveled, “And almost everyone up here has a book. That is extraordinary. I’m so proud of everyone.”

Then John Karlen, beloved by the fans for his irreverence, took the opposite view. “Fifty-one weeks a year I do nothing. And I wait, and I wait for this moment now.” (At this point, David Selby was bent over, breaking up with laughter.) Karlen continued, “At this stage of the game I’m smart enough to throw in the towel. I threw in the towel ten years old and I walk the beaches of California with an orange.” And that’s a reasonable option, too.

But the high point of this “40th Anniversary Celebration Weekend” came at the beginning of the annual “Cast Reunion” panel, when Jim Pierson surprised the audience and cast by taking a phone call. The voice of the man on the other end of the line came over the sound system: “This is Jon Frid speaking. Jonathan Frid,” he continued, as if none of us would realize who it is, finally adding, “Or Barney.” The audience, of course, exploded with joy: Frid, now in his early 80s, had not appeared at the Festivals in over a decade.

Frid mentioned his new hobby, using a digital video camera. “I know nothing about technology,” he told us, but said this might lead to a “whole new career for me, who knows?” To the audience’s affectionate amusement, Frid confessed that he hadn’t been sure that this phone call would go through because I “haven’t paid my bill. Bell Canada has been trying to reach me for weeks,” apparently through a recorded phone messages, but he “thought it was a commercial.”

Frid noted that so many of the original cast members have passed away, whereupon Pierson told him the names of all his former castmates who were there listening to him. Frid then assured us, “I feel I’m going to be living forever,” and the audience clapped and cheered. There were even shouts of “I love you.”

Later during the panel, Kathryn Leigh Scott told the audience “When I heard Jonathan’s voice, I had tears in my eyes.”

And that evening, before the showing of the 2004 pilot, we got to see an example of Frid’s work with his video camera: a short video in which he not only sent his greetings to us on the show’s fortieth anniversary but performed Shakespeare’s famous scene in which Richard III seduces Lady Anne beside the coffin of her husband, whom he had murdered. Frid played both parts, and, to my surprise, he poured his passion not into Richard , whom he has acknowledged as an influence on playing Barnabas, but into the anguished Lady Anne. There was the emotional fire that Jonathan Frid can still conjure at his best, a display of the acting prowess that young Boomers like myself famously rushed home from school each weekday to watch on Dark Shadows.

Kathryn Leigh Scott observed twice during this year’s “Celebration” that the same month that she had attended Dan Curtis’s funeral and memorial , “suddenly we’re in a studio all working together again” on the Big Finish audio dramas. “There is an ending and there is a beginning,” she told us, and “it is all quite amazing.”

ADDENDUM
I would be remiss if I did not direct readers’ attention to a comic book series that should interest Dark Shadows fans. Claypool Comics’ Deadbeats, written and drawn by Richard Howell, is another ongoing serial about a small New England town beset by vampires. Howell acknowledges Dark Shadows as one of his major inspirations in doing the series, though Deadbeats has a distinct creative identity of its own. Deadbeats is still available in comics shops, but it will be moving to weekly publication on the Internet in early 2007. Aficionados of vampire fiction should follow it there.

–Copyright 2006 Peter Sanderson

October 6, 2006

Addicted To Bad: More Than Meets the DVD

Filed under: Addicted to Bad,Columns — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:57 am

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Criterion LogoAs we strive to preserve the greatest films in cinematic history, we here at the Criterion Collection have to ask ourselves a lot of difficult questions. Would Kurosawa have removed that conspicuous hair from the lens in THE SEVEN SAMURAI, had he been able? What is the proper framing of the final battle in SPARTACUS? Is ARMAGEDDON and THE ROCK director Michael Bay functionally retarded?

In the end, we have to trust our instincts. Just like when it came time to select one film deserving of the Criterion treatment from all of the great releases of the late 1980s. Although the early 70s gets so much of the attention and praise, the late 80s actually gives that time a run for its money as one of the most daring and interesting periods of 20th century cinema. Just listen to some of the top-grossing movies of this era, and try to pick one that isn’t a bona fide classic: PLATOON. ALIENS. FATAL ATTRACTION. TOP GUN. Moviegoers at the time could pick from any of dozens of brilliant films like THE LAST EMPEROR, THE COLOR OF MONEY, THE PRINCESS BRIDE, THE KARATE KID PART II, THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTIVE, MEATBALLS III, SHANGHAI SURPRISE, PETER PORN, PSYCHO III, THROBBIN’ HOOD, DEATH NURSE, and, of course, Jon Cryer’s magnum opus HIDING OUT.

But those films, each a great success in their own way, don’t quite fit the Criterion bill. It takes a truly special film to warrant one of our definitive edition DVDs. We prefer to focus our attention on overlooked or neglected masterpieces, which is how we came to our latest release. This film was unjustly overlooked during its initial release, perhaps because it was a small, foreign-produced character piece up against blockbusters like Demi Moore’s ONE CRAZY SUMMER and the Blake Edwards-Ted Danson combo, A FINE MESS. The film, MOKUSHIROKU: MATRIX YO EIEN NI, tells the story of a lone soldier who inadvertently causes the brutal death of his army’s leader, which leads to a massive slaughter by enemy forces. Then, this soldier, in spite of being a whiny jackass with no practical leadership experience, somehow manages to guide his army to victory. He largely achieves this by opening a futuristic Chinese puzzle box.

Poster 2Also, it stars robots who can turn into cars.

Released in the United States as TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE, this film never achieved the widespread success that a work of this caliber deserves, perhaps because it was so far ahead of its time that audiences mistook it for an incomprehensible piece of crap masquerading as a 90-minute toy commercial. But that meant viewers missed career-defining performances by the “Unsolved Mysteries” guy, the BREAKFAST CLUB guy, and that one guy who talks really fast. And who could forget Orson Welles, in his final role, as a giant talking anus? Certainly not us, and we’ve tried.

The Criterion edition finally gives this visionary film the treatment it deserves. The three-disc set contains three versions of the film: the theatrical release with a new transfer personally overseen by a crack-smoking hobo, a rare director’s cut that features .5 seconds of extra footage, and a new, never-before-seen “tolerable” cut consisting of ten seconds of TRANSFORMERS followed by the entirety of John Huston’s THE MALTESE FALCON.

That’s not all! All-new special features include:

  • “Some Robots Have Breasts: The Arcee Story.”
  • Commentary by renowned film critic Rex Reed, who repeatedly begs the audio engineer to kill him.
  • An interview with legendary Internet personality “Wierd Al” Yankovich, who denies any involvement with the film.
  • Prime DeadLong-lost alternate takes of the infamous “S word” scene, featuring the “F word,” the “MF word,” the “HMFS” words, the “Q word,” and a particularly blue take featuring a five-minute string of obscenities that would make Lenny Bruce blush.
  • A behind-the-scenes documentary that dares to ask composer Vince DiCola why every single minute of the film is plastered with obnoxious, intrusive music.
  • Excerpts from the “60 Minutes” investigative report, “TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE – Why?”
  • A coupon for aspirin, to treat movie-related headaches.

And much, much more!

Yes, now you can experience the movie the way that director Nelson Shin intended it: alone, bored, and shunned by your friends. So get yours now… because you should never put off ruining another fond childhood memory until tomorrow.

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 10/6/2006

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:26 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Terry Gilliam tries a different method of marketing his new film, Tideland – as shot by a fan. Check back here at Quick Stop over the weekend for our “official” vid of the happening. (Thingamabob)
  • Tootie, say it ain’t so. Jo’s supposed to be the rebel – not you… You sweet, adorable, roller-skating moppet… (Thingamabob)
  • We all know that Dell products go downhill fast, but who knew that applied to their shipping boxes, too? (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

Weekend Shopping Guide 10/6/06: Believe It Or Not

Filed under: Shopping Guides — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:26 am

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The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

Thank You For Smoking (Fox, Rated R, DVD-$29.99 SRP) is one of those flicks you walk away from thanking jebus that the filmmakers pulled no punches in their satire. What could have been a watered-down ersatz treatment of the tobacco lobby instead unspools as a hilarious indictment of our modern consumer culture. Aaron Eckhart’s performance as Nick Taylor – brilliant spin-meister for big tobacco – is a brilliant portrait of the devil with a wink and a smile, out to further his client’s cause in society and culture. This is definitely a must-see flick. Bonus materials include an audio commentary, deleted scenes, a making-of featurette, a Charlie Rose interview with the director and cast, and more. Smoke if you got ’em.

It’s encouraging and heartening to me that, even almost 60 years after he was created by Carl Barks, Scrooge McDuck has a rich enough mythology that amazing stories can still be spun by what Barks wrote all those years ago. The average person would think that modern Duck artist Don Rosa had mined all there was to be had in his 12-part epic masterpiece The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck, but they’d be wrong. There’s are plenty of areas to be explored in Scrooge’s storied past, and Rosa has done that with the stories featured in The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck Companion (Gemstone, $16.99 SRP), which features seven tales reaching back into McDuck’s adventures in Panama, Java, the Old West, and the Yukon. There’s even commentary on each by Rosa. Here’s hoping for another volume in the near future… So get crackin’, Don!

While fans who have been snapping up the seasonal sets will have virtually every episode on the new 2-disc South Park: The Hits Volume 1 (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$26.99 SRP) – save for the still-scathing Cruise indictment “Trapped in a Closet” – there is one overriding reason why fans of Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s cutout world will want to grab this as fast as they can. That reason? The first official release of the legendary short that started it all, “The Spirit of Christmas.” I honestly never thought I’d see the day. The other 14 episodes are just icing on the cake.

Conspicuously missing from the recent remastered re-releases of George Harrison’s catalogue was 1973’s Living In The Material World (Capitol/Apple, $29.98 SRP). That’s now been rectified via a special edition featuring a pair of bonus tracks (“Deep Blue” & “Miss O’Dell”), and a limited edition bonus DVD featuring a 5.1 remastered performance of “Give Me Love” from his 1990 concert in Tokyo, a video for “Living In The Material World,” and alternate/demo versions of “Miss O’Dell” and “Sue Me, Sue You Blues.” Here’s hoping that even more releases like this are in the offing, since there’s still plenty of unreleased material in the vaults.

Having a friend who was a big fan of The Greatest American Hero (Anchor Bay, Not Rated, DVD-$99.99), I can think of no better Christmas gift for him than the tin-encased collection of the complete 43-episode series, which is limited to an edition size of only 20,000. Why so limited? Well, in addition to the 80’s classic, the set also features a reproduction not only of Ralph Hinkley’s cape, but also an iron-on transfer and a copy of the famous alien instruction manual (which is a battery-powered delight). Believe it or not!

The end of the Baudelaire orphans’ tragic journey is nigh, but there’s one last piece of Lemony Snicket’s puzzle to piece together before resolving the series of unfortunate events, and the clues are to be found in The Beatrice Letters (HarperCollins, $19.99 SRP). The beautifully bound volume (the material itself is actually contained within a hardbound file folder) contains correspondence between Snicket and the doomed Beatrice. There’s just as many questions as there are answers (well, actually, there are more questions than answers), but there are plenty of clues for fans to chew on until volume 13 is released.

It’s been double-dipped already, but the Monty Python and the Holy Grail: Extraordinarily Deluxe Edition (Sony, Rated PG, DVD-$29.95 SRP) justifies its purchase price – and its very existence – with a brand new high definition transfer of the film that is truly spiffy. In addition to the bonus materials available on the previous special edition (including commentaries from the Pythons, sing-alongs, “How To Use Your Coconuts” educational film, “The Quest for the Holy Grail Locations,” 1874 BBC Film Night, unused ideas, trailers, and more), the new set features an animated medley of songs from Spamalot, Secrets of the Holy grail featurette, and a bonus 3rd disc with the film’s soundtrack album. Ni!

I still cannot comprehend why ABC cancelled Whose Line Is It Anyway? (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$26.98 SRP). It was an improv show with a single set – dirt cheap – but it was one of the most gut-bustingly funny shows to spend a half-hour with. With regulars Ryan Stiles, Greg Proops, Colin Mochrie, Wayne Brady, Brad Sherwood and host Drew Carey, it was must-see TV. I’m quite happy that we’re finally getting season sets (sort-of) with the release of Whose Line: Season One Volume One, containing the first 10 episodes. What’s even more brilliant, though, is that the outtakes and gag reels featured on the set are completely uncensored – and believe me, these guys knew how to go spectacularly off-color. More sets in a hurry, please.

Compared with Sinatra’s almost sterile duets package – during which Frank never met a single one of his singing partners – Tony Bennett’s star-studded Duets: An American Classic (RPM Records, $18.98 SRP) is positively energized by the fact that Tony actually recorded every track with his guests. The guest list is a thing to marvel at – including Paul Simon, Elton John, Billy Joel, Bono, Elvis Costello, The Dixie Chicks, John Legend, Stevie Wonder, James Taylor, and more – and the tracks themselves are fantastic. Give it a spin.

Before his regular spotlight on The Daily Show, I had no idea who Lewis Black was. Who would have thought that he’d be one of the most caustic, insightful, and hilarious political comedians of our generation. In an age where we our lives as Americans seem to be lived in a perpetual state of irony, Black is a welcome slap across the collective face. Which is all to say that you should definitely allow yourself to be pleasantly slapped by his latest stand-up special, Lewis Black: Red, White & Screwed (HBO, Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP). The DVD features 15 additional minutes of footage, plus 5 additional pieces.

It’s been a few months since Warner Bros. unveiled one of their fantastic “Signature Collection” box sets, but they’ve certainly returned with a pair of must-haves for any film fan. Humphrey Bogart: The Signature Collection Volume I & Volume II (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$59.98 SRP each) have, as their centerpieces, the newly remastered 3-disc special edition of The Maltese Falcon – which features both the 1931 & 1936 versions of the film, as well as an audio commentary, Warners’ 1941 “Night At The Movies” (with a vintage newsreel, musical short, and cartoons), trailers, makeup tests, 3 radio show adaptations, and a newly-produced documentary (“The Maltese Falcon: One Magnificent Bird”) – and the 2-disc special editions of Casablanca and The Treasure of The Sierra Madre, which feature audio commentaries, featurettes, documentaries, Warners’ “Night At the Movies,” radio shows, trailers, and more.. That alone should be reason enough to pick up the sets, but if you need more proof, they also feature Bogie in Across The Pacific, High Sierra, They Drive By Night, Action In The North Atlantic, All Through The Night, and Passage To Marseille. Each film features its own complement of “Night At The Movies”, with additional featurettes, radio shows, commentary, and even blooper reels.

As the new 2-disc special edition proves unequivocally, even four decades on, Brian Wilson was a certified genius. The newly remastered 40th anniversary edition of The Beach Boys’ Pet Sounds (Capitol, $29.98 SRP) features both the mono and stereo versions of the album, plus a DVD with 5.1 mixes. The DVD also features a new edit of the 1997 “Making of Pet Sounds” documentary, Brian Wilson interview material from 2003’s “Brian Wilson Presents Pet Sounds Live In London,” a previously unreleased discussion between Wilson and Sir George Martin, a trio of 1966 promotional films, and a photo gallery.

Amid Amidi has provided a much-needed fill for a gap in animation history with his comprehensive look at the UPA-style of design that came to prominence in the 1950’s. The book is Cartoon Modern (Chronicle, $40.00 SRP), and it’s packed with not only a ton of information on the period and the artists behind it, but also loaded with artwork, which makes it a tome to sit with on a cold winter day and fully take in at your leisure. One disappointment, though, is that I always get a certain sense of elitism from Amidi’s discussion of design, dismissing the contribution of story to great animation and over-elevating the art itself. In animation, I believe the two go hand-in-hand in creating the pieces that truly strike a chord in a viewer. Still, a minor quibble for an overall great book.

Slowly but surely, the Disney animated feature library is getting the 2-disc “Platinum Edition” treatment, although I think that the quality level – and intelligence – is not quite as good as the original 2-disc special editions of flicks like Emperor’s New Groove, Tarzan, and Atlantis. The new edition of The Little Mermaid (Walt Disney, Rated G, DVD-$29.99 SRP) does sport a very stunning remastered picture and soundtrack (even if Disney has done their PC revision to a few scenes), and bonus features (I don’t consider a crappy music video with a Disney Channel “star” a bonus feature, mind you) including an audio commentary, deleted scenes, The Little Match Girl animated short, a making-of featurette, a Hans Christian Andersen featurette, and a virtual tour of the aborted EuroDisney Little Mermaid ride.

And speaking of The Little Mermaid, while the remastered soundtrack is very much appreciated on the new 2-disc special edition of the soundtrack (Walt Disney Records, $15.55 SRP), the 2nd disc full of those aforementioned Disney “stars” butchering the tunes is definitely a waste of plastic. The only halfway decent track is Raven-Symone’s “Under the Sea,” but even that is an overproduced piece of pop trash that completely drowns a great song.

I admit that, as the death and depowerment count of some major characters in the third X-Men installment began to rack up, I found that I couldn’t care less. In fact, I’ve been so disappointed by Marvel’s mutant movie franchise as a whole, that I hoped the title The Last Stand (Fox, Rated PG-13, DVD-$29.98 SRP) was a literal acknowledgment to all those who’ve detested the pathetic scripts and ham-fisted adaptations of favorite stories and characters found in all 3 films – people like me – that it was all coming to a merciful end. If only. The story this go round has to do with Frasier and some cure for mutants with wings and blue skin, and Juggernaut running around, and… Oh, who cares. The DVD features a pair of audio commentaries, deleted scenes, and 3 alternate endings – none of which are any better than the one they wound up with.

He seems incapable of cranking out anything worthwhile now, but all it takes is a spin of the new unrated director’s cut of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP) to remember why we once gave a damn about Guy Ritchie. Watching the energy, intelligence, skill, and verve he displayed then makes me wonder what in the hell has happened to him since. Besides Madonna. The bonus features are limited to featurette on the film’s cinematography, and a rather ho-hum compilation reel of the flick’s expletives.

Modeled after the Disney Treasures DVD releases of rarities, Disney Comics: 75 Years of Innovation (Gemstone, $12.99 SRP) features two dozen rare Disney comic stories from across the breadth of those aforementioned 75 years, starring Mickey, Donald, Goofy, Scrooge, Br’er Rabbit, Jose Carioca, Li’l Bad Wolf, and more. Some of these stories have never been reprinted before, and it’s well worth picking this up just for them.

Currently available as a Target exclusive, the 2-disc DVD-licious! collection of some of the best highlights and interviews from The Ellen Degeneres Show (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$19.99 SRP) is a breezy, fun watch. Ellen is a natural talk show host, never upstaging the guest, but completely unafraid to make things fun and interesting. What I can’t believe is that the show has been on for over three years. Time certainly does fly.

The fourth season of Ellen (A&E, Not Rated, DVD-$49.95 SRP) is the one that featured the PA announcement heard ’round the world, as not only the character, but also Ellen herself loudly and proudly came out of the closet. It’s a shame that her sitcom went downhill creatively after this landmark season, since it would have been even more powerful a statement if she’d been able to keep the show going for years after. The 3-disc set features all 25 episodes, plus an audio commentary with the writers of “The Puppy Episode.”

Even though this seems to be the 47th release of the film on DVD, those bastards have probably added just enough new bonus material – including newly-remastered picture and sound – to make picking up the Scarface: Platinum Edition (Universal, Rated R, DVD-$29.98 SRP). The 2-disc set features deleted scenes, documentaries, and clips comparing the theatrical and TV versions of the film.

It was only a matter of time before someone decided that a series following the real-life adventures of an Indiana Jones-type would make for interesting TV, and that show is Digging For The Truth (History Channel, Not Rated, DVD-$49.95 SRP). Following explorer/survival expert Josh Bernstein into the heart of the Andes in search of El Dorado or Ethiopia on the trail of the Ark of the Covenant, it’s an engaging archeological journey through history. Heck, he’s even got the hat for it. The 4-disc set features all 13 first season episodes, plus a “History in the Making” featurette.

By my calculations, the fifth set of Benny Hill (A&E, Not Rated, DVD-$49.95 SRP) should be the penultimate collection of hill’s bawdy, gut-funny long-running Thames show, covering the years 1982-1985. This was the era of the leggy “Hill’s Angels,” who are interviewed in a newly-produced featurette.

Watching the first season of Thriller (A&E, Not Rated, DVD-$79.95 SRP), it’s as if some of the best (and worst) of Hammer horror style had made it to the small screen. The stories definitely are of the old school horror bent, full of ghosts, psychosis, and oodles of Satanists. Even better for the viewer discovering this series, its also jam-packed with the kind of stars only a British series of the 70’s could deliver, including Bob Hoskins, Stephen Rea, Patrick Macgee, and even Hayley Mills. Bonus features include interviews with creator Brian Clemens and the directors, plus episode introductions.

It seems the stuff of TV movies, but Unknown White Male (Genius Products, Rated PG-13, DVD-$24.95 SRP) is a documentary which follows the true story of Doug Bruce, who woke up on Coney Island with total amnesia. Chronicling his struggle to put his life back together – from family, friends, and career to just his own sense of self – it’s a sometimes poignant, sometimes joyous, sometimes sad study of what defines a person’s life. Bonus features include featurettes, deleted scenes, interviews, and more.

Sci-Fi’s decision to cancel what was still an enjoyable series continues to be puzzling, but fans in mourning can assuage some of their pain by picking up the complete ninth season of Stargate SG-1 (MGM/UA, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP). In addition to all 20 episodes, the 5-disc set features behind-the-scenes featurettes, audio commentaries on all episodes, and a continuation of the SG-1 Directors Series.

There’s just something about seeing The Munsters in color that’s slightly… wrong. See if you agree with me by picking up The Munsters: Two Movie Fright-Fest (Universal, Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP), which contains both Munster, Go Home! and The Munsters’ Revenge.

No one is going to call 1961’s animated Dick Tracy Show (Classic Media, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP) a great show, but it was reasonably faithful to Chester Gould’s classic strip. This 4-disc set features the entire 130-episode run.

It’s been an incredibly long wait, but the second volume of Transformers: Armada‘s first season (Rhino, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP) – ending the series, in fact – has finally touched down, featuring the final 26 episodes of the ultimate battle between the Autobots and the Decepticons.

I’m still not entirely sure to make of Danny Elfman’s Serenada Schizophrana (Sony Classical, $18.98 SRP), his foray into orchestral composition as opposed to film composing. I think I like it. It’s definitely a unique experience.

I’m still not sure what the purpose is behind Disney Dossiers: Files of Characters From The Walt Disney Studio (Disney Press, $24.95 SRP). Supposedly, it’s meant to be evocative of files kept by casting agents with information about a certain actor and their “type,” strengths, and background. Unfortunately, this results in a rather awkward collection of characters with uninteresting “Yeah, I know that” text and a poor selection of artwork accompanying it. Why can’t we get the incredibly informative Disney Encyclopedia of Animated Characters back in print? Or a deluxe collection of classic model sheets for the company’s heavy hitters? Please? No more of these cutesy, unsatisfying gimmick releases, thank you.

Often overlooked, some of the most uniquely quirky TV programs being produced today are coming out of Canada, and the series Corner Gas (VSC, Not Rated, DVD-$29.99 SRP) certainly fits the bill. It’s an oddball premises, to be sure, but the show focuses on the life of gas station proprietor Brent LeRoy, whose station is located in the sleepy town of Dog River, Saskatchewan, which is full of the usual complement of off-kilter characters. The complete third season has just come out, featuring all 19 episodes plus an hour-long documentary.

It’s hard to imagine a time when someone pitching the idea of doing an undercover agent infiltrating a gang of bank-robbing surfers would be a green-lightable affair… And then to stack the deck by casting Keanu Reeves as the agent and Patrick Swayze as the gangleader… I mean, it’s just mind-blowing. You can relive those heady times with the new special edition of Point Break (Fox, Rated R, DVD-$19.98 SRP), featuring deleted scenes, behind-the-scenes featurettes, and a retrospective documentary.

So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

Trailer Park: Jackass, Kiddie Flicks and Free Stuff, yo.

Filed under: Columns,Trailer Park — admin @ 2:15 am

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

It’s nice to see a movie like JACKASS 2 do so well at the box office.

I am one not usually given to the examination of what numbers ultimately mean for what movie, only when do I think that the discussion of how bad the box office numbers are for this year and what that means to whether the sky is falling do I really give a fig one way or the other, but I am emboldended for the numbers on this movie because I think it represents something more than just men behaving badly.

People will pay to see the funny.

I look at the middling reviews for SCHOOL FOR SCOUNDRELS and compare it to the kind of money it made, for those wondering it didn’t do all that well, coming in behind two Ashton Kutcher flicks and said dudes who embrace homosocialism in a way unseen since the days of Shakespeare, and I feel good that people can pick crap out in a line-up and not show up for it. This isn’t to say that the collective isn’t wrong from time to time. In fact, I can honestly say that I feel good when I’m amazed when pap is allowed to stay atop the box office, anyone remember BRINGING DOWN THE HOUSE, but it’s nice when a movie like JACKASS can best the offerings of a Billy Bob and actually can claim to have reaped in more money than any other film in the top 10 with the exception of LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE.

It’s comforting to see that. You can’t always predict which way people are going to go from one weekend to the next, some talking heads would have you believe that predictive modeling is a science, I liken it to the kind of mo-tards that take up my time on newscasts who tell me what the weather is going to be from one day to the next only to have their “predictions” seem about as accurate as me taking a home pregancy test and have it tell me I’m positive.

There is no accuracy in this game. You can predict that some movies will open fairly large, some will open fairly well and some, when you start hearing the bad buzz, will be lucky to crack the top 25.

I know just looking at some who talk about the box office are amazed by the business that OPEN SEASON did and are at a loss to explain how it came in at number one last weekend. I don’t consider myself a Kreskin of any kind, nor am I playing Monday Morning Quarterback, but when you don’t really have anything you can punt your little anklebiters into for an hour and a half for many weeks and then a movie like this comes along I am loathe to say it but you can bet dollars to doughnuts that releasing OPEN SEASON into the waters was like tossing a saltine to a dying prisoner; it was just bound to be consumed rabidly by families.

Further, there is an excellent article written by the New York Times on the not-so-perfect state of animated adventures in the movieplex as of late. It’s informative as it is a cautionary tale about how one should never set the bar too high with kids. I mean, God almighty, I have a 3 year-old who vascillates somewhere picky and downright unagreeable. There’s a certain fiscal threshold where studios shouldn’t be risking any more lucre than they have to in order to ensure big returns. There’s a formula out there for kid flicks for a reason and it has everything to do with the fact that instead of the immovable object and the irresistable force at play you have the adult guardian’s wad-o-cash versus a child’s tantrum tossing begging.

So, it sucks that Kutcher can lay claim to the top two movies, just one more sign of the approaching apocalypse, but, damn, it feels good knowing people will help a movie like JACKASS 2 stay where it belongs. There isn’t much pleasure to be taken out of raw numbers from one week to the next but it’s just nice, however brief, to have a comeuppance.

That all said, I’m in the mood to give away some shit for no other reason than I feel like rewarding some lucky sod who can work a keyboard.

Halloween is coming upon us and I’d like to be the purveyor of good tidings for some person’s holiday of all things spooky and cavity-licious. There really isn’t any other reason why I am giving away a copy of the 25th Anniversary Edition of HALLOWEEN, Mick Garris’ QUICK SILVER HIGHWAY, Robert Hall’s LIGHTNING BUG and Dario Argento’s OPERA. These are sure to pep up any paltry party where horror is necessitated in mass quantities.

You lazy mo-fos don’t have to do anything else other than send in an email with CONTEST in the subject line. This contest is worth entering soley based on the HALLOWEEN DVD as it’s just has a really nice suite of extras that’s surely worth a free email.

Anyway, consider this contest open to whoever and whatever decides to email me at Christopher_Stipp@yahoo.com. Good luck to everyone who enters…

SLEEPING DOG LIE (2006)
Director: Bob Goldthwait
Cast:
Melinda Page Hamilton, Bryce Hamilton
Release: September 29, 2006 (Limited)
Synopsis:
An impulsive sexual encounter from her past haunts Amy, an otherwise seemingly normal young woman with a bright future and nice-guy fiancé. But her fiancé has suggested that the couple be completely honest and tell each other everything! When Amy finally relents, encouraged to tell the truth by her coworker and mother (neither of whom really knows what she has to disclose), and reveals her secret, all hell breaks loose.

View Trailer:
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Prognosis: Positive. Not really counting the Eddie Murphy LP (?!) I bought as a lad when all you could buy were cassettes and vinyl I remember purchasing Bob Goldthwait’s “Meat Bob” on tape and being absolutely mesmerized by the man’s comedy.

I don’t think a lot of people gave Bob the kind of credit he deserved for being wickedly sharp on deconstructing his own public persona and using it to great comedic effect. I still listen to the performance, it’s now on CD, and delight in listening to the kind of funny that gets to me even after all these years. SHAKES THE CLOWN certainly didn’t help his career any, and there was all that disappearing from the public for years, but I’m glad that he’s back to push more buttons even when he could again be pummeled back into obscurity.

I was ready to rail against this trailer, though.

How could you not want to smack people with the “shock and awe” that comes with having a movie that reveals one woman’s predilection for sex with dogs right from the get go?

I sat on my hands. I tried to understand what was at work by going nearly a third of the way through this without saying a Goddamn word about this chick’s propensity for humping canines.

Then I got it. You want people to pay to see this. Ah, yes. So, the first third of this trailer slowly builds people confidences in having them buy into what this woman’s whole deal is about talking honestly within the parameters of a relationship. Everyone would say “Hell yeah, reveal it all to the one you love” only to snap the rug with terrible strength right underneath their presuppositions.

And, to this trailer’s credit, we’re not really told exactly what went down between the dog and this woman. We’re not really shown, either. This is what makes a trailer about dog fucking so PG: you hint to the point of having people connect the dots on their own. Smart. Having an interloper listen in on the private conversation where this admission finally comes out adds a certain stress to what happens next in this couple’s courtship.

Now, while some dudes would have a problem with their girlfriends admitting a brief dalliance with bestiality I see this as one of the best fictions that one could ever drop two people into.

If I did have any issue at all with the trailer here it would be that at the end, at the very end, this film touts its entries into Sundance and Toronto. For a movie like this, and some know about how passionate I am about this thing, it’s downright egregious for Bobcat and Co. not to just come out and put this at the very beginning. This isn’t about pride or boasting or anything else like that but it is a very necessary element to marketing of a film that has to compete with every damn dollar out there. It deserves to pimp itself as a step above its peers and by putting it all the way at the end of the trailer it really does the film a disservice that could be fixed with a “Cut” and “Paste.”

A GUIDE TO RECOGNIZING YOUR SAINTS (2006)

Director: Dito Montiel
Cast: Robert Downey Jr., Shia LaBeouf, Chazz Palminteri, Dianne Wiest, Channing Tatumh
Release: September 29, 2006 (Limited)
Synopsis: Dito is a successful writer living in Los Angeles, who is summoned home to Astoria after a 15-year absence when his father becomes seriously ill. Memories of his youth come flooding back as he revisits the old neighborhood, attempts to rebuild a relationship with his father and encounters his ‘saints’–Dito’s few childhood friends who aren’t in prison or dead. As Dito finds himself whisked back into the youthful events that shaped him, an unforgettable cast of characters unfolds to the sweltering heat of summer 1986. These include Laurie, Dito’s childhood sweetheart; Mike O’Shea, a transplanted Scot with an Irish name who dreams of becoming a punk rock musician; Giuseppe, a reckless, destructive and possibly insane member of Dito’s street posse; and the unforgettable Antonio, Dito’s cocky and volatile best friend grappling with an abusive father.

View Trailer:
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Prognosis: I’m Interested. Is it manly to admit I’ve got Even Stevens at the top of my Season Pass list on the TiVo?

Perhaps. Perhaps not but I can tell you that there is really something about the abilities of Shia LaBeouf to take pap tween material and mold it into entertaining television. I’m not so sure I’ve seen how he can take adult material, though, and make something out of it. HOLES was good, CHARLIE’S ANGELS was, well, CHARLIE’S ANGELS, and his various other projects haven’t really put him on the map anywhere.

This, though, looks like it could define what he is truly capable of.

Now, while I am not really so sure that leading off the trailer with a pimp review from the New York Times, while it being awfully solid, is such a grand idea when people should at least be exposed to a sliver of footage I think that having Robert Downey Jr., a real sack of potential when he isn’t hitting the sauce or mainlining said sauce, voiceover the beginning moments actually pulls me in. The bass line is pumping, the camera delicately flashes on the multiple faces of those who Downey, ostensibly, grew up with on the street and there is an understanding, immediately, what we’re seeing.

Yes, it does have flashes of adolescent angst of someone who suffers, terribly, at the hands of hoods who love nothing more than to take a baseball bat to someone’s torso for no reason other than the bastardized notions of “face” and “cred” but I am sucked into Shia’s world. A white kid steeped heavily in a minority stew, the trailer effortlessly cuts through exposition and gets to the point: the kid wants to get the hell out of Dodge in a hurry.

“You want to go to Puerto Rico? Go uptown, there’s Puerto Ricans everywhere”¦”

The tenant of escape, of getting far away from the problems of urban life, gets summed up effortlessly with a gun blast and a cowering Shia in a shower stall. I get it and we are effortlessly a third of the way through things. With the quick drop that this movie won Best Director at Sundance, excellently stating why someone should care about a movie that hasn’t really been talked about in the mainstream media, this is as good a place as any to transition to Downey Jr. and his role in this movie.

The set-up of Chaz playing the role of the sick father and Robert’s eventual return to the “old neighborhood” isn’t spectacularly original but the montage at the end really sells this movie in terms of its understandability. I’m not confused as to what this movie is dealing with or what I should expect but I’m not so sure I am compelled to pay money to see it. I mean, Shia leaves the city, doesn’t come back, there’s a problem that pulls him back, he has to deal with the people who are still living within the confines of that area, there is a little tension between son and father because of it and, in the end, I guess it’s all going to be a philosophical treatise on the relationships we leave behind and then what happens when we try to reconnect with them.

Not particularly energizing my wallet out of my pants but it seems like a well-crafted flick.
THE QUEEN (2006)

Director: Stephen Frears
Cast: Helen Mirren, Michael Sheen, James Cromwell, Sylvia Syms
Release: October 10, 2006 (Limited)
Synopsis: “The Queen,” an intimate, revealing, often humourous portrait of the British Royal family immediately following the death of Princess Diana, stars Helen Mirren as Queen Elizabeth II, James Cromwell as Prince Phillip, and Michael Sheen as Tony Blair. The film is written by award-winner Peter Morgan and produced by Andy Harries, Christine Langan, and Tracey Seward, and executive produced by Francois Ivernel, Cameron McCracken, and Scott Rudin.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Negative. What is with our collective fascination of the royals?

I speak not of the crew that took their 1985 team to World Series victory over the Cardinals of St. Louis but of that other crew of characters that consist of wanton infidelity, blissful ignorance of the real world, pale skin and even worse teeth. I mean I was at the Queen’s Jubilee in 2001, right in the heart of London, where you could walk down the main thoroughfares of that city because all the roads were congested with human traffic. It was insane. I could best describe it to people here like it was Disneyland but without the rides and smiling rodents; it was resplendent with tchotchkeys of all varieties, overpriced amenities for those wanting a part of the action and parades like you wouldn’t believe, however.

I still couldn’t understand, though, what the deal is with the exaltation of a governmental body, superficial as it is, that would just as soon subjugate those that think these blue bloods have been ordained by God and I don’t get why I should care about this movie when we start off with the dramatization of Princess Diana’s death. Is this Primetime Live or a reason to spend my money on something worthwhile?

What’s kind of confusing to start things off is that we get the first see some Range Rovers just hanging out in the great wide expanse of English countryside. The same Rover-like cars are then shown driving away from a large manse that is without question in the possession of the old prune in question. Now, when we actually start our narrative the same cars are heading towards the mansion in the middle of the night. This really is a “what the fuck” moment where I question what one had to do with the other. The answer is nothing and it’s confusing to then put together what’s happening when we get real file footage of Princess Diana with some wag waking the Queen up from her pruney slumber to the news she’s dead.

I don’t know why but seeing James Cromwell come out of the Queen’s bedroom is funnier than anything I’ve seen in a long time. I almost expected to hear the theme to the Benny Hill show when he comes out of her highness’ bedroom, trying off his robe; probably in an effort to hide some late night wood.

“Will someone please save these people from themselves”¦”

Now, we’re shown that Diana is dead, the people have responded with their public displays of grief, but (collective gasp!) it’s stated that there is a story has yet to be told. I know it’s all very dramatic and serious but it doesn’t feel that way, it doesn’t have the sheen of a movie that cost some company a few million to make. Lifetime Network quality, sure, but when the main thrust of the trailer is trying to get my buy-in it does a woeful job of it because it’s operating at a macro level. There’s no intimacy with what is going to make this story so unique.

Further, by the time we are 2/3rds of the way through this all we have to show for it is that Di is dead, the Queen is acting like a miserable old twat and that the public is at a near frenzy because the shrew won’t make any public statement about the “tragedy.”

The trailer essentially exits on a whimper, the music feeling forced to be cut off because they are running too long, without so much as a single reason of why this deserves anyone’s attention beyond the sycophants who gladly eat up this governmental window dressing in tabloidal portions.

STRANGER THAN FICTION (2006)

Director: Marc Foster
Cast:
Will Ferrell, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Dustin Hoffman, Queen Latifah, Emma Thompson
Release: November 10, 2006
Synopsis: In STRANGER THAN FICTION, Will Ferrell plays Harold Crick, an IRS Agent whose world is turned upside-down when he begins to hear his life being chronicled by a narrator only he can hear. The Narrator, Kay Eiffel (Emma Thompson), a nearly forgotten author of tragic novels, is struggling to complete her latest and best book, unaware that her protagonist is alive and uncontrollably guided by her words. Fiction and reality collide when the bewildered and hilariously resistant Harold hears the Narrator say that events have been set in motion that will lead to his imminent death.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: I think I’d like it but…the rest of America? Not so sure about that.

I am pretty sure that having Will Ferrell run around in his Fruit of the Looms asking for the divine help of Tom Cruise in any kind of situation is worth something. There’s got to be a dollar amount you can put on antics like that.

I am also pretty sure of what happens when you put Will in a serious movie like MELINDA AND MELINDA and WINTER PASSING: money stops flowing like virginal wine out of a spigot.

So, it’s with great difficulty that I’m saying that while having a marquee like Will is wunderbar, after seeing this trailer I am really eager to see this movie which can only spell doom if the studio is hoping for a financial windfall.

Firstly, though, it’s so splendid to just see Emma Thompson kick things off properly in this trailer. She’s been visually absent from films that all it takes is a simple prompting by Queen Latifah who I’m surprised to see as I thought her time is too taken up to tell me to “Gather ’round the good stuff” as it pertains to Pizza Hut pizzas.

The premise is quirky to begin with, don’t think the irony of having Tony Hale from Arrested Development pop up in this comedy is lost to me, but Emma’s voiceover jives with the idea that she is a writer who is working out her book, with the prescience of determining her character’s fate, and having it actually happen to a real man.

“I don’t know how to kill Harold Crick”

Almost like ALL OF ME but having tinges of something Charlie Kaufman would write the trailer effectively takes a pretty warped concept and makes it tangible. Will doesn’t seem to be operating from his usual slapsticky comfort zone and I am not sure if this is where people could start to become skittish.

In fact, I would assert that what we are shown of how this situation starts to take control of Will’s life is not that funny in a conventional sense, per se. He becomes wrapped up in this woman’s narrative and it is the story that is being told within the confines of his mind that starts a great “What If” that I don’t believe a lot of people will gravitate toward with their money.

The one segment of the trailer where Will does raise his voice in the way that he’s best known for doing it’s not done out of humor but of genuine frustration that he doesn’t know who or what is going on with him. I think it’s a stretch to assume that this is where the real funny lies but Will’s visit to Dustin Hoffman, a psychologist of sorts, who tells him to keep track of plot details to see if he’s living a comedy or drama is wicked funny.

This is where the trailer really gains momentum going forward to the end of this thing.

Harold begins to take charge of his situation, he studies the moments he hears in his head to see what’s going to happen to him and when we finally get to Emma’s pronouncement that Harold is now caught in a series of events that will lead to his demise it’s this statement, backed up with another Will Ferrell yell to the heavens, that makes you afraid of what comes next.

Will taking the lead in contacting the woman who he finally figures out is the person writing it all, communicating with her, wondering whether she will take him seriously or vise-versa, is one of the more strange and compelling “What if”s that’s been put out there in a while.

The Pretenders’ “Stop Your Sobbing” is a radical choice for a trailer background track but kudos for the person behind this decision. In a time when trailer music ranges from Top 40 to music that peaked on Casey Kasem’s radio show decades ago it’s nice to be challenged with unconventional musical selections.

Ken P. D. Snyde-Cast #16: Tommy Can You Hear Me

Filed under: Ken P.D. Snydecast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:35 am

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Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and FRED’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.

Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.

Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.

VISIT THE SNYDECAST EXPERIENCE

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KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #16: Tommy Can You Hear Me – [adult swim]’s Dana Snyder and Ken Plume’s weekly chat podcast returns with a letter from out of the blue (straight from where they grow their own), Dana’s illustrious voice-acting history, and Ken’s growing distrust of his co-host.

[CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #16 (MP3 format)

[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/snydecast/ken_p_d_snyde_cast-16.mp3]

SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

Got something to say? E-mail Dana & Ken at the Snydecast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SNYDECAST ARCHIVES

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October 5, 2006

Scrubs Blog: My Musical

Filed under: Production Blogs,Quickcasts,Scrubs Blog — UncaScroogeMcD @ 7:18 pm
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VIDEO BLOG #59: “My Musical” ““
Things have been incredibly (as in “super”) busy lately, but we haven’t forgotten about you all. Here’s a brief teaser for the whiz-bang mega-musical episode that wil be gracing your TV sets after the new year…

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Download Scrubs Video Blog #59:

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  • Small (320 x 240 – QuickTime – 1.63 MB)
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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 10/5/2006

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 7:33 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • How not to do the whole Diet Coke & Mentos thing. (Thingamabob)
  • Ernest Pintoff’s Oscar-winning animated short The Critic, featuring the voice of one Mel Brooks. (Thingamabob)
  • How about Virgil Widrich’s Fast Film? (Thingamabob)
  • That’s not nearly enough animation for today. Why don’t you also check out Johannes Nyholm’s Tale of Little Puppetboy, Chapter 1: A Lady Visitor? (Thingamabob)
  • Buy an oragami boulder for that special someone in your life. (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

Interview: James Urbaniak

Filed under: Interviews — UncaScroogeMcD @ 7:19 am

-by Ken Plume

urbaniak2006-10-05 01.jpgWith the first of the 2-part season finale of The Venture Bros. airing this Sunday Evening (October 8th) at 10:30pm on adult swim, we thought now would be the perfect time to run our in-depth interview with James Urbaniak – better known to fans as Dr. Thaddeus “Rusty” Venture.

He’s also the voice of Rusty’s brother, Jonas, Jr., and the villainous Phantom Limb.

An OBIE Award-winning stage actor, cinephile’s will recognize him from Hal Hartley’s Henry Fool and the upcoming Fay Grim – not to mention dozens of other roles, including Robert Crumb in American Splendor.

On the small screen, he’s currently starring as the murderous “Accountant” on NBC’s Kidnapped, airing at 10pm on Wednesdays.

You can read his actor-y blog at http://urbaniak.livejournal.com/

Let’s say we get this show on the road…

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KEN PLUME: I’ve very much been looking forward to speaking with you. Especially discussing the picture that’s been painted of you by Jackson (Publick) and Doc (Hammer).

JAMES URBANIAK: The what?

KP: The picture that has been painted of you by them.

URBANIAK: I’m not aware of that.

KP: It’s mostly complimentary.

URBANIAK: Does it hang in the AstroBase?

KP: Yes. Doc paints it in his free time.

URBANIAK: I haven’t seen the painting. I didn’t even know it existed. Is it one of his detailed portraits?

KP: Well, you’re wearing lingerie.

URBANIAK: Right.

KP: One of his frillier choices.

URBANIAK: Yes. He just put my face over the girl’s body.

KP: It’s really how he sees you.

URBANIAK: Yes (laughing). He sees everybody that way.

KP: But no, it’s quite flattering and you have the most provocative come hither look.

URBANIAK: Well, I can’t wait. Are you joking or are you serious?

KP: I can’t believe you think I’m actually serious about that.

URBANIAK: No, I – you’re saying there’s a painting of me that Doc made. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had actually done that.

KP: That’ll be for the DVD cover art.

URBANIAK: I wouldn’t think it would be a detailed portrait, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d rigged up a cartoon…

KP: (laughing)

URBANIAK: That’s what I thought you meant.

KP: No. They had painted a portrait through words of what it’s like to work with you.

URBANIAK: Oh, I see…

KP: But naturally I fell into the pitfall of not thinking about exactly how I was saying it – since Doc is a painter, I should have been more clear…

URBANIAK: It’s a late hour and I start to get tired…

KP: Well, that’s good. It means you’ll be more free in revealing everything.

URBANIAK: Got it.

KP: Tell me everything about Hal Hartley.

URBANIAK: Yeah. (laughing)

KP: So if we were to go back, you were born in New Jersey, correct?

URBANIAK: I sure was.

KP: Would you say that there were any inclinations toward this sort of actorly path, or were there other things that held your attention earlier on?

URBANIAK: Well, when I was a kid I always enjoyed performing, like in school, and when I was in elementary school I was always sort of picked to be in, you know, school plays and… I remember, like, third grade, fourth grade and fifth grade, all those years in a row the teachers would spend part of the day having us perform little sketches and plays that we would write and perform. And I really loved doing that sort of stuff, and I was always picked to be in everyone’s shows.

KP: What’s the earliest one you can remember?

URBANIAK: I remember writing a puppet show that I did with my friend Roger Stein in, I think, the third grade. And it was sketch, and it was two sock puppets… actually, it was a sock puppet who won the lottery. It was a very short play. I was the puppet, and my friend read the radio announcer who was announcing the winning lottery ticket. And the sketch was that I talked about how I bought a lottery ticket and they were gonna announce the winner, and then my friend said, “And the winning number of the lottery is, 1, 7, 8, 5, 3, 4, 7, 2, 1, 8, 9…” and it just went on and on for like, you know, a minute. And that was that sketch. And then later that year, Roger Stein and I, as eight year old boys are wont to do, got into a fight. And Roger said, “I can’t believe that I did all those things for you and I read all those stupid numbers in that play!”

KP: Really knows how to dig the knife in…

URBANIAK: Yeah.

KP: Was that a template for other creative battles you would have as a professional actor?

URBANIAK: (laughing) Exactly! I spent three years within the 70s in these elementary school classes writing and performing these little skits. I later realized that not every school system in America did that, but I just kinda worked out, and it was something I always enjoyed. No one in my family was in show business or anything.

KP: How would the kids respond to the sketches?

URBANIAK: They were very successful. It was a kind of a weirdly formative time for me, because it was a really early time just kind of creating stuff and performing.

KP: And how would you respond to the audience reaction?

URBANIAK: I would get all jazzed and, you know, excited. A major event in my life was in the fourth grade. I tell this story to many friends, but I think it’s the first time I’ve talked about it in an interview.

KP: I could be a friend.

URBANIAK: It was the… was it fourth grade? I think it was fourth grade. Yes. We were gonna do a school… the class was gonna do a play. And the play was called “Penelope’s Perilous Predicament.” And it was a published children’s play about a girl who was kidnapped by Martians and essentially sold into white slavery on Mars.

KP: Oh, lovely.

URBANIAK: Yeah.

KP: Very progressive school.

URBANIAK: (laughing) Well, she’s basically kidnapped by Martians and then becomes a servant on Mars, and then her family finds her and she comes home.

KP: Gotta love those elementary school allegories.

URBANIAK: Yeah. And I was very excited about auditioning for it, because I knew I was a good little actor. On the day of the auditions I got sick, and I… hold on… I gotta tell my wife I’m telling the fourth grade play story. (laughing) She just said, “Oh my god.”

KP: Tell her that’s gonna be part of the interview.

URBANIAK: So… uh… he forced it out of me….

KP: Yeah!

URBANIAK: So, I got sick and I missed the audition. And I was crushed. And I ended up getting a, you know, a part sort of as a supernumerary in the background.

KP: A Martian tree?

URBANIAK: Yeah, a Martian with no lines who just stood there. Well, I resigned myself to that. We rehearsed the play. I was still very excited about being in the play, even though I had no lines. And the teacher knew I was a good little actor, so she assigned understudy parts, and I… now, I understudied one of the lead guys. And then I also was given the job of doing the announcements in the beginning. “Parents, teachers…” – you know, “fellow students, welcome to the play.”

KP: Friends, Romans…

urbaniak2006-10-05 02.jpgURBANIAK: So, I was really excited about the play. And I was so excited that I memorized the entire play. I memorized the lines I was understudying, but I just couldn’t help it. I learned the whole play. And I remember being at recess reciting it to friends of mine, the entire play. And I understudied a kid named David Briman, who played one of the main characters. There was also a kid in the play named Mark, who was kind of a weird kid who had a sty in his eye – he had this red mark in his eye – who was one of the other main characters, and his understudy was a kid who everyone felt probably wasn’t up to the job. And that kid’s name was Lance. And you could tell Lance wasn’t really into plays. He didn’t seem to really care. And I remember the day before the show someone saying to Mark, “Hey, don’t be sick tomorrow ’cause Lance is your understudy.” And the next day, I came into school and Mark was absent. And I remember a bunch of kids gathered around Lance, and Lance was reading the script, looking really uncomfortable, and kids saying, “Well, maybe your character could have a book on stage, and you can have the lines in the book.” And I said to my teacher, “I know all the lines in the play. I could do the part.” And they said, “Lance, is that okay?” and he said, “Oh yeah.” And he was really happy to be relieved of that duty, and I went on. I went on… (laughing)

KP: Lance could have won an OBIE one day.

URBANIAK: That’s right. And the next day, the kids had to draw pictures and send notes to our class, and there were all these pictures of me on stage, and kids were writing things like, “Jimmy Saves the Day.” And I told this story to a good friend of mine and every time I’m in a play or something she calls me up and says, “Jimmy saves the day.” But that was a pivotal event of my youth.

KP: Now, I want you to hand the phone to your wife and have her tell me her version of the story.

URBANIAK: (laughing) She only knows my version. So, that was kind of the pivotal… that was the highlight of my elementary school acting years. And then when I got into junior high there were a couple plays. But then in high school, I kinda lost interest in that, and I didn’t really… I was in the course of Bye Bye Birdie, freshman year, and I had a part in The Boyfriend. Two classic high school musicals. Senior year. But I didn’t really do much…

KP: But you didn’t do The Pajama Game.

URBANIAK: I didn’t do The Pajama Game. I didn’t do much in high school.

KP: Where did your interest drift during that period?

URBANIAK: In high school my interests kind of drifted all over the place. Sort of everywhere except my studies. I kinda spaced out in high school. And I kinda got into… I was never that much into comic books per se, but I was really interested in my cartooning and illustration. And it was around that time that I was thinking that might be something that I’d want to do, is actually be, like, an illustrator or cartoonist. And I got very influenced by a lot of the classic illustrators. Ralph Steadman, of course, was a big influence. And a lot of classic guys. New York illustrator guys like Arnold Roth…

KP: Was there a specific type of illustration that appealed to you… That you gravitated towards?

URBANIAK: No… You know who was also a great influence? Terry Gilliam. The Python illustrations. And I still draw cartoons to this day, and a lot of them still look like sort of Terry Gilliam drawings.

KP: Do you just draw for recreation?

URBANIAK: Yeah, just recreation.

KP: And yet you have a livejournal.

URBANIAK: I have a livejournal, yes, but I don’t have any drawings on there.

KP: But everyone else does that with a livejournal. That and poetry. Maybe you should do that for April Fools Day next year.

URBANIAK: What’s that?

KP: Just turn into your teenage livejournal.

URBANIAK: Well, I did do a post in the early days – and I started it almost a year ago. One day I did a post where I pretended to be a teenage girl. And that was a pretty successful entry.

KP: Because everyone bought it.

URBANIAK: I did my research. One way to research a livejournal would be just type in a girl’s name. Like Melody.livejounal.com, and chances are you’ll get a teenager named Melody’s page. So I was just putting in random girls names to see what they were writing about. So I did this post where I wrote poetry and talked about how people shouldn’t be mean to each other.

KP: And it was the most free you’ve ever been.

URBANIAK: But hey, sometimes I write little fictional pieces and I write little political posts which are basically me saying people shouldn’t be mean to each other.

KP: Don’t take what I said as a critique. I enjoy your livejournal quite a bit.

URBANIAK: Well thanks.

KP: Particularly its insight into the life of a working actor.

URBANIAK: Yeah. That’s sort of the idea, but the life of a working actor includes a lot of down time. So there’s a lot of other stuff that goes on in a livejournal.

KP: Well, that and the fights…

URBANIAK: Oh, the Josh Emery contretemps, of course.

KP: Yes.

URBANIAK: Yeah, there are a couple of characters – we call them characters – who sort of appear and take issue with me. Josh Emery… I’ve addressed the question of whether these individuals are real people.

KP: Quite well.

URBANIAK: I kind of think of them as professional wrestlers. The professional wrestling ring, you know, a guy comes out in a big costume and another guy fights with him, and people watch something happening and they’re entertained. That’s certainly a real event. Something’s happening. If strings are being pulled behind the scenes, well, how relevant is that really?

KP: No one can say that there wasn’t some entertainment value to it.

URBANIAK: That’s right.

KP: But the candor you have in the journal is quite nice.

URBANIAK: Oh, thanks. It was influenced by Jackson Publick, really. He’s got his, you know, which I was reading and enjoyed and then one night, I just thought it’d be fun to kinda start one on my own, and I took very, very… I was very tentative in the first couple posts.

KP: As anyone sane should be.

URBANIAK: I kinda plugged it on Jackson’s blog, and pretty soon I started getting some of his readers, and eventually this thing just snowballed out of control. Now it’s just… it’s unstoppable now.

KP: Now it controls your life.

URBANIAK: In fact, yes, I got a nice plug on GreenCine Daily a couple days ago. You know that movie blog?

KP: Yes, it’s one of the ones that links to us, as well.

URBANIAK: And so I got a couple readers saying, “Hey, I saw about your blog in GreenCine,” and I didn’t even realize they plugged it. So it’s slowly spreading. Like a noxious gas.

KP: There’s plenty to find there. There’s no one that can’t say it’s not entertaining. And eventually you’ll have to check out Doc’s MySpace page.

URBANIAK: Oh, I read it fairly often. He doesn’t update very much.

KP: No. He considers it purely a parody of what you and Jackson are doing.

URBANIAK: Right. But he had his before I started mine. Mine is kind of a combination of real life events and possibly how… you know, possible fantasy sort of theatrical situations. (laughing)

KP: My main goal is to make sure that many people visit your livejournal.

URBANIAK: Oh, thank you. Well yeah, I’m just… I haven’t really done much about promoting it. I just figured, you know, it’s the old shampoo commercial. Two friends tell two friends tell two friends, and you slowly get…

KP: Washed.

URBANIAK: And there’s a little regular community of readers and it’s fun.

KP: You do know you’re this close to having a livejournal party…

URBANIAK: A livejournal party. Ah. Well, I think part of the enjoyment of that is the fact that I don’t… we don’t really know each other. All the people communicating on here.

KP: Oh, they’ll organize it…

URBANIAK: I do have a couple friends who write in.

KP: They’ll organize it themselves.

URBANIAK: (Laughing) That’s right!

KP: They’ll send out the open invitation saying, “We’re having it at the bowling alley/Chuck E. Cheese combo.”

URBANIAK: Yeah, I had a post where I talked about – you know, one or my made up posts, where I talked about VoucherCon 2006 in Las Vegas. The convention. Because, you know, the journal is called “Voucher Ankles,” and my readers are the Voucher Anklets. And so I did kinda have this little fantasy that we had had a convention in Las Vegas.

KP: I’m telling you, you’re this close to a bowling alley in Kearny…

URBANIAK: That’s right – Bowl More Lanes. We can get the New York City/Jersey reader over there.

KP: Doc will come down with his guitar.

URBANIAK: Doc will come down. Tiny Joseph, big Venture Brothers fan, lives in Brooklyn.

KP: I’m telling you, it could be the happening of a Saturday afternoon/”we gotta get back in time before curfew.”

URBANIAK: Yes, that’s right. Well, I don’t get out of the house much anymore because of my beautiful children.

KP: Well…

URBANIAK: I got a good excuse.

KP: Well you have what, 50, 60 of them on livejournal? Why do you give all the attention to your biological ones?

URBANIAK: True.

The Fred Hembeck Show: Episode 75 – Web-Wedding

Filed under: The Fred Hembeck Show — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:15 am

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fredhembeck 2006-10-05 01.jpg

When Jazzy John Romita prepared the above illo for the cover of Marvel Age #54 back in 1987, he managed to squeeze most of the prominent guests in attendance at that summer’s gala Parker-Watson nuptials into the picture. Most, but not all.

He left out Dwight Gooden.

That’s right sports fans, Dwight “Doc” Gooden, one-time teenage phenom fastballer for the New York Mets, who burst onto the scene in 1984 in a stunning fashion never witnessed either before or since. Comics fans, if ever there was a baseball player who, thanks to his uncanny ability to strike out batters seemingly at will, looked all the world to be a graduate of Charles Xavier’s School for Talented Mutants, it was the young Gooden.

fredhembeck 2006-10-05 02.jpg

But after dominating the National League with a 24-4 record in 1985, handily winning a Cy Young Award along the way, Gooden’s career began to take a downturn, as he posted a less than super-human record of 17-6 during a 1986 campaign that saw his dominating teammates otherwise chalk up an astonishing 108 regular season wins. And then he inexplicably missed the celebratory ticker tape parade through Manhattan only days the Mets’ memorable World Series victory. This was a man who was on track to be the greatest pitcher in the history of baseball – what happened to Doc, Mets fans began to wonder?

We all found out during the early days of spring training the following season.

Cocaine.

When Gooden – who’d always come across as a gracious, likable, down-to-earth young man – failed his drug test, his legion of fans – myself included – reacted with shock. And somewhat selfishly, we reacted with disappointment as well – the team’s star hurler was suddenly sidelined for the opening months of the ’87 season, suspended for nearly a third of the schedule for his offense, y’see, and that couldn’t be good for the Mets prospects (it wasn’t – they failed to qualify for the post season).

Finally, having served his time, Gooden prepared to take the Shea Stadium mound against the Pittsburgh Pirates on the evening of June 5th to make his 1987 debut, but not before an equally historic event took place on the very same field:

Spider-Man and Mary Jane – or perhaps actors standing in for them, I’m not entirely sure – were tying the knot behind home plate in a ceremony officiated by none other than Stan Lee that selfsame day!

Obviously scheduled weeks – if not months – before anyone had calculated Gooden’s months-delayed initial start as also falling on that very evening, the publicity stunt that both Marvel (looking to get word out on the Webspinner’s landmark stroll down the aisle) and the Mets front office (hoping to lure some extra fans into the park for a weeknight contest against the lackluster Bucs) had mutually orchestrated didn’t turn out to be at all necessary to lure folks through the turnstiles. Fact is, Spidey’s big moment probably received scant attention from the packed-to-the-rafters house, preoccupied as fans were with their tarnished hero’s imminent return.

(In the stadium that night, by the way, was my old buddy Ron Marz, not yet a comics scribe, but still in the employ of local daily, The Kingston Freeman. The paper’s sports editor invited Ron to take in the proceedings with him from the press level, and while Ron recalls that game itself vividly, details regarding the faux wedding ceremony seemed to have escaped his attention. Ah well, Ron always did seem to be more of a DC guy anyway…)

As I recall things, while Gooden’s return dominated the discussion on Howie Rose’s pre-game radio show, I do remember the host making a passing – and bemused – reference to the Spider-Man stunt just before going to commercial. And later that night, at least one local NYC TV station included the briefest of glimpses of the happy couple leading into their segment about the game. But they had plenty more to show, so ex-bachelor Spidey was lucky to merit even a passing mention.

The Mets – and Gooden – won, 5-1. More disturbingly, center fielder Lenny Dykstra and transplanted-center-fielder-playing-left Mookie Wilson collided in mid-air as they both pursued a fly ball destined to fall smack dab between the two of them. Miraculously, as horrendous as it looked – and it was the sort of clip that got played over and over and over again – neither was banged up very badly. Peter and Mary Jane, though, most likely missed the play entirely, heading as they were off on to their honeymoon…

Gooden came back to win 15 games that year, but what had once looked like a lock for a first ballot Hall of Fame career ahead of him slowly degenerated into a middling baseball resume, the sort that justifiably gets passed over by Cooperstown voters. Beyond the stats, Gooden’s never really been able to shake that other monkey off his back either, and, sadly, is currently serving a one-year prison sentence on drug related charges. Such a shame.

And the once happy Parkers?…

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All was sweetness and light in the beginning, but THESE days? Well, you know…

(Literally, YOU know. I’m fudging here because I’m afraid I don’t keep up with the trials and tribulation’s of Ben Parker’s nephew the way I used to, but from what little I’ve been able to garner from internet sources, the Parker’s union isn’t in much better condition than Gooden’s Hall of Fame credentials. Pastor Lee must be SO disappointed…)

Hembeck.com – home of the brave and promoter of peanuts, popcorn and Cracker Jack Kirby! Stop by anytime – we’re ALWAYS in season!

-Copyright 2006 Fred Hembeck

October 4, 2006

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 10/4/2006

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 6:26 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • Learn all about male restroom etiquette. (Thingamabob)
  • Classic Stephen Colbert. Remember when oil companies used to price gouge? I know, it’s hard to remember so long ago… (Thingamabob)
  • Learn how to win your own copy of the new QI book, signed by Stephen Fry. (Thingamabob)
  • Everything you could possibly want to (and should) know about the late, great Peter Cook. (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

Brat-halla #148: Norse Force – My Lovely Hel

Filed under: Brat-Halla,Comic Strips — UncaScroogeMcD @ 6:00 am

by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee

Larger Comic Version | ARCHIVES | OLDER ARCHIVES

Brat-halla #148: Norse Force - My Lovely Hel

For extras, visit the Brat-halla Web site!

Check out the preview to the Image comic Jeff writes…

E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | BRAT-HALLA BLOG | BRAT-HALLA FORUM | ARCHIVES

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