FRED Entertainment

May 4, 2007

QSE News: 5/4/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:04 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgAlternative Rock heroes The Jesus and Mary Chain may be headed back to the recording studio for the first time since 1998. Band members were overheard discussing the possible studio time at this past weekend’s Coachella Music Festival. The band is reportedly sick of doing “low grade junk” and are hoping to sell enough new albums to get back to “the real knock you off your ass for 2 months [EXPLETIVE DELETED].”
  • Rapper Busta Rhymes was arrested in New York yesterday morning for drunk driving. Rhymes was not available for comment at press time, but his agent released a statement that read “Busta was not drunk on alcohol but instead was drunk on love… love for America, puppy dogs, apple pie, baseball, God and the children of this world that deserve love.”
  • Oliver Stone has directed a new commercial challenging the current Bush administration to bring the American troops home. The commercials will feature an Iraq War veteran and was produced by MoveOn.org. The commercial will be four and half hours long.
  • A new video making the rounds on the internet shows a drunken David Hasselhoff being chastised by his 16-year-old daughter.  In the video, Hasselhoff is sitting on the floor of his Las Vegas home while his daughter, Taylor, tells him “You’re throwing your life away.”  We here at QSE News wish David all the help in the world, but would also like to point out that drinking won’t make you forget what you stuck in KITT’s tailpipe.

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 5/4/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:01 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • You just know what the end result is going to be when launching a little brother via a bean bag jump… (Thingamabob)
  • I wonder if they comp Bruce Willis at the game… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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May 3, 2007

QSE News: 5/3/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:07 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgAuthor Chuck Palahniuk has announced that a movie based on his novel Choke will begin production next month.  Having been in development for years with several writers and directors attached, the version of the book that will be made was written and will be directed by Clark Gregg.  Contrary to popular belief, Choke tells the story of a man who pretends to choke to swindle rich people out of money, and is not a biography of former INXS front man Michael Hutchence.
  • Mascara clad bands My Chemical Romance and Panic! At The Disco will be providing songs for an upcoming Smashing Pumpkins tribute CD. Other bands tapped to donate song include The New Amsterdams and (+44). When asked for comment, Pumpkins’ Billy Corgan said “I guess it’s fitting that My Chemical Romance and that Panic! At the whatever are recording some of my songs since they’ve stolen everything else I’ve ever tried to do.”
  • Actress and sexpot Keira Knightly has claimed that she felt devastated after rumors began circulating that she was anorexic.  Knightly, who is best known for being hot and from her role in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, has long been the subject of eating disorder rumors.  Knightly claimed that when the news hit she was “so depressed, she couldn’t bring herself to eat a thing.”

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 5/3/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:01 am

thingamabobs.jpg

The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop? (Thingamabob)
  • And how many idiot executives does it take to f*** up a classic ad? (Thingamabob)
  • Conan makes George Lucas smile his half-hearted, creepy smile… (Thingamabob)
  • Stan & Ollie in their last on-camera appearance, via rare color home movie camera footage… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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May 2, 2007

Toy Box: Thinkway SPIDER-MAN 3 Room Guards

Filed under: Columns,Toy Box — admin @ 12:10 am

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Yep, this is the week. You know what I’m talking about. That is unless you’re from another planet, and living there under a rock all alone. Or you’re a woman.

That’s right, this is the week for Spider-man 3. This is also the week that begins a MASSIVE summer movie season, with major blockbusters hitting every weekend from now through August 10th. The sheer number of major films hitting this year is staggering, and we’ll have Spider-man 3, Shrek 3 and POTC 3 all in theaters for Memorial Day weekend. That’s some heaving hitters!

We’ve been getting hit with Spider-man product for several months now in anticipation of the film, but if you’re like me, you’ve been less than impressed. I’m not a card carrying Hasbro hater, but even I have to admit that they’ve pretty much screwed the pooch on their offering. But thanks to a guest review on my site last week by Big Guido, I have found some very cool TOYS (please note the emphasis on the term TOYS) for the film.

Back a few years ago, when Toy Story first hit, a company called Thinkway Toys made one of the coolest toys we’d seen in years – the talking Buzz Lightyear. It was a huge hit that year for Christmas, and became one of those legendary releases. Now, Thinkway is back with some more cool goodies this time for the new Spider-man film. They’ve made three ‘room guards’: a Spider-man, Sandman, and Goblin. I picked up the Spidey and Goblin for today’s review.

Spider-man 3 Room Guards

While these are technically motion sense room guardians, they are also very cool action figures. If you’re looking for something for your kids to have fun with based on the movie, these might just be what you’ve been waiting for.

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Packaging – **
The external box is the usual mass market contrivance. It has a j-hook hanger on top, but can sit on a shelf as a box as well. At least sort of. The box has a slightly curved top and bottom, making it tough for it to actually stay standing on one end. There’s also all the usual twisties, and I think the package weighs an extra pound just from the million ties holding him in place. And it’s definitely not collector friendly, since you’ll pretty much destroy things getting him out.

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There’s also a little weirdness going on here. Both figures have pegs screwed onto the bottom of their feet. These pegs can attach to the bases, and that’s what the instructions imply. That means the figure would stand about a quarter inch up off the base, and can’t really stand on flat ground without the base. Ain’t that weird?

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Actually, it probably makes sense. I’m betting that Hasbro wasn’t interested in Thinkway – or anyone else – competing with them for ‘action figures’, so when they got the license to do these room guards, they had to come up with something that would make the figures less ‘action’, more room guard. Screw a couple posts on their feet that attach only to the room guard, and you have a solution.

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However, all you need is a Philips screwdriver, and you’re good to go. In fact, there’s an alternate hole on the bottom of the character’s feet that also fits the pegs on the base, so even once you’ve removed the posts, they can STILL stand on the base. And viola – now they’re really action figures too!

Sculpt – ***
It’s important at this point in our discussion to keep that term TOYS clearly in your head. If you’re looking for collectible action figures of a high quality that are designed to look life-like and make women swoon, then you’re looking in the wrong spot. But if you’re looking for some cool, fun toys that both collectors and kids can enjoy, these are an excellent choice.

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Both figures stand about 8 inches tall, which makes them a tad too small for other sixth scale lines, and much too big for most other 6 – 7″ lines. These really only fit in with other figures in the room guard series, but with three out already – and rumored plans for at least a Venom as well – you can make a reasonable movie set up.

Spidey has the webbing and insignia sculpted on, giving him some texture and dimension. The proportions are good if not perfect, and he’s made from a very lightweight plastic, making it possible for him to hold some pretty difficult positions. Even though he’s lightweight, I didn’t find any joints that felt weak or easy to break.

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This Goblin is the new version, more thrasher than villain I suppose, but if you don’t mind the design he looks pretty good. There’s a ton of detail work on the backpack, but I was disappointed that the weapons are permanently attached, and not removable or usuable.

Again, his proportions are good, but he has some huge honkin’ feet. They are more anime or vinyl toy style, and did seem a bit out of place. Still, it means he can stand extremely well in a number of awkward poses, so that’s a plus.

Paint – ***
These are classic mass market paint jobs. Most of the large pieces of plastic are cast in the color they need to be, with smaller areas painted on. The paint work is fairly clean, but consistentcy is focus, not the highest possible quality.

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The small, silver webbing on Spider-man is a bit sloppy, but not quite as much as I expected from a toy of this style. There’s also some poor cuts on the Goblin between colors, but none of it is terrible, and none of it is bad enough to interfere with the purpose of these figures – to be fun.

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Articulation – ***1/2
One of the strong suits of these guys is the articulation, which is surprising for something that’s supposed to just stand there and yell at you for coming in the room.

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Both have neck joints similar to Marvel Legends, where the peg/disk allows the head to tilt forward and backward (quite a bit in Spidey’s case), and turn side to side. I had to really twist hard to break Goblin’s neck free (painted stuck), but once I did it worked well. It didn’t quite have the range of movement that Spider-man’s has due to the slightly more confining sculpt, but it was still decent.

Both have ball jointed shoulders, jointed on both sides, that work quite well, and ball jointed hips that are designed to allow the leg to move all the way forward and out to the side. However, because of the butt sculpt, the legs don’t go backward very far.

Both also have double jointed knees and elbows, and cut joints at the waist, thighs and ankles. The wrists have a cut joint for turning, along with a pin joint so it can move forward and back, and the middle two fingers on both hands have a pin joint so he can take the traditional ‘web shooting’ pose. The ankles also have a pin joint, and a rocker joint as well, plus the mid-foot has a pin joint. Finally, there’s a chest joint that allows a good range of movement, and holds positions pretty well.

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That’s a LOT of articulation for a toy that theoritically didn’t need it. Perhaps Thinkway knew Hasbro was dropping the ball on the ‘action’ in action figure? Or maybe they’re just smart when it comes to making fun toys.

Accessories – ***
The only accessories are the room guard bases, which house the electronics. Both are done in the same rock style, although they are cast in different colors. Press the button on the top, and it plays a random line. Press it quickly twice, and the motion sensor activates, playing a line when any intruder is spotted. I’d tell you how to deactivate it, but since I’ve replaced my Brink’s system with a number of these placed strategically around the house, I don’t think it would be a good idea.

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Both figures have a number of cute sayings, intended to scare off any intruders. Or at least amuse your kids.

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Neither of the bases are using the actual actor’s voice, but rather some poor slub who happened to be hanging around the sound booth that day. Both figures attach to the base easily with the pegs removed, or you can just pose them in the same general vicinity.

Fun Factor – ****
While the sculpt and paint might not be ideal, these do make for really fun toys. They take poses extremely well, have tight, sturdy joints, and are a nice scale for small hands. I just wish there were more figures in scale with these that kids could play with.

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Value – **1/2
At around $17 – $20, you’re paying a pretty good chunk of change for the room guard feature. If you’re buying them just for action figures, that’s a bit hard to swallow, but don’t over look the many fun uses for the room guards. Maybe you don’t have kids that want them, but you can always take them to work and place them in strategic locations.

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Things to Watch Out For –
I suspect that mass market consistency will make these all about the same, with no real perfection but no real issues either.

Overall – ***
These aren’t going to wow your fellow geeks with their life-like appearance. They’re toys, and they are meant for kids to have use in having fun. But there’s plenty of us out there that still collect toys, because we love what the represent. Sure, perfect pop culture collectibles are nice too, but we shouldn’t forget that great toys are cool as well. And that’s what these guys are – great toys.

If the pricing had been $15 or less, I would have given these guys another half star. As it is, I plan on picking up the Sandman for my son as well, and having some fun with him re-enacting scenes from the film, and making up a few new ones of our own.

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Where to Buy –
Target has the best price I’ve seen at about $17 each. You can find them at most major retailers, however.

Related Links –
As I mentioned Big Guido did a guest review of the Spidey last week, and I reviewed some of the smaller Hasbro figures a couple weeks or so ago.

QSE News: 5/2/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:06 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgBoy George was arrested over the weekend for allegedly falsely imprisoning and assaulting a 28-year-old man.  The former singer for the band Culture Club, George was released on bail with a court date scheduled for July. Even though the singer has had numerous run-ins with the law, these allegations are perhaps the most shocking, as it’s hard to believe that a man would admit to getting his ass kicked by Boy George.
  • Soulman R. Kelly is producing a song in honor of the victims of the Virginia Tech Shootings. The song, titled “Rise Up,” will be available May 15 and all proceeds will go to the Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund. In unrelated news, R. Kelley has also finished his 32nd song about filthy, deviant, sexual escapades and will make the track available later this spring.
  • Director Peter Jackson is shopping a new script around Hollywood, hitting up every studio except New Line. The relationship between Jackson and New Line has soured in the wake of an ongoing legal dispute over royalties earned from the phenomenally successful Lord of the Rings trilogy. Jackson’s new script is said to be a complete departure from anything he’s done in the past, meaning there will be no homoerotic/bestiality/midget tossing in the film.

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 5/2/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:05 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • “I’m a Marvel… And I’m a DC…” (Thingamabob)
  • Eviscerating Kevin Federline, Mad TV style… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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May 1, 2007

QSE News: 5/1/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:11 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgFormer Beatle Sir Paul McCartney has announced the track listing for his upcoming album, Memory Almost Full.  The disc, which is scheduled to be released on June 5th, marks McCartney’s 21st studio effort and his first in over two years.  Among tracks such as “See Your Sunshine” and “Vintage Clothes,” fans will be treated to freshly-penned songs “You’ll Never Get My Money, You [EXPLETIVE DELETED]” and “Hey Heather, I [EXPLETIVE DELETED] In Your Leg You Whore,” both of which detail McCartney’s divorce from Heather Mills.
  • Courtney Love has announced that she is planning on selling numerous artifacts from her deceased husband, Nirvana singer Kurt Cobain.  The various items, including the singer’s clothes, will be sold by Christie’s Auction House with the proceeds going directly to Love and her daughter.  The move has shocked many fans of the band as most were convinced that Love had ran out of ways to milk money out of her dead husband’s name years ago.
  • Indie music label Touch & Go Records will soon be unveiling a music download store featuring the label’s entire catalog. Touch & Go representatives said the site will also be the only place to download any music by Steve Albini. While several people are applauding the move, some in the recording industry say the label hasn’t gone far enough, especially with regard to making anyone on Earth actually care that this music is available.

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 5/1/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:08 am

thingamabobs.jpg

The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • I can think of no better teacher than Big Bird – even if the pupil is Sid Caesar… (Thingamabob)
  • And who can forget when that big yellow turkey visited The Muppet Show.. (Thingamabob)
  • Preview the first 9 minutes of Ratatouille(Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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April 30, 2007

Party Favors: Worshipping The Giant Acorn

Filed under: Columns,Joe Corey's Party Favors — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:12 am

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DURHAM – The truth comes at you hard and heavy during the Full Frame Documentary Film Festival. After four days, it’s hard to adjust to faked entertainment. I might have to watch Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels to transition from real to scripted.

The major difference between a documentary and Indie film festival is a complete lack of ponytails. Unlike the Indie film directors that must be the center of attention, the documentarian is a quiet sort of person. They silently observe in order to capture the reality of their subject. This is what it must be like at a Marine sniper convention.

Full Frame is a festival for people who want to see movies and not chatter about the latest hot deals. Seeing how this is Durham, there’s no visit from Paris Hilton, Eddie Murphy and Mariah Carey searching for swag bags on Ninth Street. Nobody hits the slopes of Chapel Hill during the day. It’s all about movies and a few panels. And you have to pick carefully since they show five different films at once and the only ones that get a second play are the award winners.

This year’s festival did feature quite a few no-shows. The big disappointment was Larry Flynt canceling his personal appearance to promote Larry Flynt: The Right to be Left Alone. He caught a cold and couldn’t travel. The Party Favors was supposed to have an interview with him. Sorry folks, but I didn’t get to ask him about helping Courtney Love get into character.

Scorsese was preparing for Cannes, although he did write the introduction to a screening of Harvest 3000 Years. Albert Maysles, who seemed to always show up, wasn’t hanging out by the water fountain. And Sheila Nevins of HBO didn’t make it down for her panel discussion. I was hoping to pitch her a documentary on Isabella Soprano’s fetish career called Isabella Underwraps. Damn it!

Mystery writer Walter Mosley presented a special screening of Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Man. I’m not too big of a fan of the film since I want a definitive documentary about Leonard and not merely a tribute concert strung together with an interview. Mosley’s notes to the film point out that he doesn’t like Cohen. “He seemed aloof and bitter to me. There was an arrogance to his demeanor,” wrote Mosely. I’ve never felt this way about Cohen. The day that I spoke with Cohen, he was like that distant uncle that you only met at your grandfather’s funeral. We would never be constant kin, but he made sure that in that moment, we would feel related. Another person that gave off that feeling was Kurt Vonnegut. In 1989, I was his tour guide when he came to speak at NC State. For two days I was by his side. He even drew an asshole when he signed my copy of Bluebeard. A nice moment was getting to introduce him to my mother – since it was my mother’s copy of Breakfast of Champions that got me started in reading his novels. He passed away the day before the festival. I removed his obit from an abandoned New York Times in the press room. Luckily we still have Leonard with us – he won’t be able to die till he sorts out his money issues.

Before the screening, I asked Mosely if he had seen Leonard performing “Who By Fire” with Sonny Rollins. He hadn’t. This is a shame. If you’re going to talk about a musician to a crowd, you should hunt down one of their glorious moments. Tthe song from David Sanborn’s old NBC show is on Youtube. Leonard had fond memories of the performance. As a viewer, it’s a religious experience and better than anything in the film – except for the part with Anthony covering “If It Be Your Will.” How come they don’t have Leonard Cohen night on American Idol or is that part of Canadian Idol? Does French Idol force those kiddies to bust out the Serge Gainsbourg songbook?

The best documentary I saw at the festival was The Dentist From New Jersey, a short 22 minute piece about a dentist from New Jersey. Luckily filmmaker John Knapich didn’t focus on Simon Leventhal’s root canal work. Instead this film illustrates Simon’s photography. His favorite subject was the World Trade Center towers. For decades, he would take photographs of the Twin Towers from across the river. He’d go down nearly three times a week. Whenever the sky looked interesting, he’d drive over to capture the moment. His photos brought out the beauty and gave a personality to those huge buildings that we lost six years ago. You can find out if a smart cable channel picks up the film by visiting Dentistfromnj.blogspot.com.

Tony Kaye’s Lake of Fire is an unflinching journey into the abortion debate. He gives each side proper time to make their arguments. He also spends a lot of time exploring the men who killed abortionists. The film’s big finale follows a woman into a clinic and shows us the whole procedure. Luckily the film is in black and white because if there was color, probably half of the audience would have bolted the theater. While it was impressive in its scope and exploration, Kaye’s camerawork is way too professional. He frames and lights people as if they were in his commercial campaigns. There were a few moments that felt recreated (such as a protest in front of an LA clinic), but it might just be his talent overwhelmed the reality. Tony didn’t show up so there was no chance to ask about his techniques.

The Last Days of Yasser Arafat dealt with Sherine Salama camping out at the devastated presidential compound in an attempt to land an on-camera interview with the terrorist turned leader of Palestine. She spent nearly a year working every angle to finally get into Arafat’s office to ask a few People Magazine style questions. What makes this film essential viewing is a sense of the space that the leader was confined inside. You get really familiar with the compound. I can direct you to the bathrooms. Plus there’s incredible footage of Arafat’s farewell and his body’s return. This is a “You Are There” documentary.

Tootie’s Last Suit features the colorful tribes that are part of Mardi Gras. While I knew how much work went into those intricate suits, I didn’t know that they made new suits each year. A few of the folks from the film showed up to demonstrate their drums and dancing. After the performance I briefly chatted with them. The word from New Orleans isn’t too promising. Seems like the money for rebuilding flowed quickly for the Superdome, the Hornets and convention center action. But where people actually live, there’s still trailer parks within the devastation. The rents have tripled. The folks who used to work in the convention business can no longer afford to live near New Orleans. None of the guys could see New Orleans returning to normal within the decade. They also saw the Urban Land Institute as a front for vulture land developers who care little for the real people of a city.

Because of a scheduling conflict, I missed out on Crazy Love. Dan Klores and Fisher Stevens (yup, it’s Ben Jabituya from Short Circuit) directed this movie about a lawyer’s longtime mistress. Magnolia films will have this out in June. I was hoping the film would win an award so I could catch the repeat. But the major honors went to The Monastery and War/Dance.

Even though I couldn’t see everything, you didn’t hear people bad mouthing films that they saw. People were frustrated at having to make a choice, but people enjoyed praising the films. Once again the folks at Full Frame have proven they’re at the top of the documentary film festival circuit. Judging from my talk with a guy who acquires films for Netflix’s Red Envelope division, a lot of the films shown will be available for your queue within a year.

HOW MUCH?

During a panel discussion on making money in documentary films, a really disturbing fact came to light. When they were editing The Comedians of Comedy, there was a moment where Brian Posehn’s cellphone went off. The ringtone was Missy Elliott’s “Get Your Freak On.” When they tried to get clearance to use the short ringtone, they were quoted the price of $50,000.

What?

Now you can understand why songs are being yanked off TV show boxsets. A few seconds of a ringtone probably cost more than the entire project. The filmmakers decided to just snip away the moment rather than pay the ransom.

BROKEN SPOOKS

The Ghost Busters have finally come to DVD. Not the Bill Murray movie. But the original Ghost Busters featuring Larry Storch, Forrest Tucker and Tracy the Gorilla. BCI has put all 15 episodes of the series on 2 DVDs.

The show aired on Saturdays in 1975. Unlike most memories of ’70s kid shows, my remembrance does not involve a groggy head, a bowl of Crunch Berries and shag carpeting. The Ghost Busters didn’t air until nearly noon. Seems like I watched this show while waiting for my turn at the Ft. Bragg barbershop. A crummy TV set perched next to those jars of blue goo soaking combs had the trio racing through the various doors in a haunted house. Tracy the Gorilla was a good distraction from the buzzcut butchery to come. Watching these episodes gave me flashbacks of barbers running that buzzer around my ears. Ouch!

The show was like a haiku in narrative structure with its limited sets. On a soundstage they had the Busters’ office, a cemetery and the main hall of a haunted house. They used an exterior location for the store where they played off Mission: Impossible‘s tape recorded mission moment. Except this time the tapes were more comical when they self-destructed.

Tucker and Storch are comic gold as they hunt down the ghosts and monsters that have taken refuge in the haunted house. No matter how cornball the scripts got, the duo still crack me up. They brought their F Troop magic to this low budget Filmation series. The second (and final) season of F Troop comes out May 29. The guest ghosts include Billy Barty, Bernie Kopell, Ted Knight, Lenny Weinrib (the man inside H.R. Pufnstuf) and Howard Morris (Ernest T. Bass from The Andy Griffith Show).

There’s a few bonus features including an interview with Bob Burns, the “trainer” to Tracy. He shares great stories about working with Storch and Tucker. Also they have the old commercial break bumpers. They threw in the first episode of the animated version of the series which came out after Bill Murray’s Ghostbusters became a sensation.

Deepdiscount has the set going for $16.46. It’s the perfect show to watch while detoxing on a Saturday afternoon. Just don’t sneak behind me with a pair of electric clippers. I don’t want to have an army haircut flashback.

BIGGEST SKANK

What exactly is that lucky gal winning on Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll? They beef up this act as an American version of The Spice Girls. But besides lead singer Nicole Scherzinger, the other five “members” seem more like Janet Jackson’s back up dancers. They don’t even come close to the aura of Sporty Spice. The other five dolls don’t even rate a last name. What sort of prize involves you losing your last name?

How do the other five non-surname dolls feel knowing that they’re a reality show away from getting their jiggling asses booted off the road?

Why do they bother forcing the contestants to sing on key? Are we supposed to believe that the real Pussycat Dolls don’t have Autotune patched into their microphones? All that really matters is that you look skanky enough when slapping your ass during the chorus.

What sort of commitment does Nicole have to the Pussycat Doll organization? She’s pretty much as good as a solo artist. Do they have a Simon Fuller contract binding her to PCD until McNamara/Troy can’t keep her looking 24?

Do the losing performers get recruited for Vivid Video’s How Bad Do You Want to Stay In Hollywood, Little Girl? reality show? Not like those failed Dolls don’t have the wardrobe and heels to win Best Newcomer at the AVNs.

The only gig in music that could give you even more anonymous career than being the seventh Pussycat Doll is The Search for the New Banana Splits. You think you can slide inside Bingo’s fur?

It was an anti-climax when the winning girl got to “perform” with the Pussycat Dolls since she just faded into the rest of the one name girls while Nicole dominated the performance. This would be like the winner of American Idol being forced to mow Simon’s lawn. At least she can feel like a winner while staring at Nicole’s ass.

HE’S DEAD, JIM

What’s the point of the Pulitzer Prize Putzs honoring John Coltrane? He gets a citation for his “masterful improvisation.” Wow. Talk about a risky honor since Coltrane has been dead for nearly 40 years. Last year would have been way too soon to give Coltrane a Pulitzer. That award might have gone straight to his head.

This seems to be another way that the creepy Pulitzer folks want to rewrite their history. Now Coltrane’s bio will talk about him getting a Pulitzer even though the judges didn’t give a crap about his “masterful improvisation” when he was breathing oxygen into his sax.

Maybe next year they can give an award to William Shakespeare. Do you think he’s more than a flash in the pan, Pulitzer Prizers? You can give him a citation for inspiring so many great movies like Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot and Fantastic Four (both are based off Hamlet). How about Plato or is he still iffy?

WHAT’D I SAY?

Here’s what I don’t get about the whole Don Imus ugliness; how exactly did people know what he said? Imus sounds like a stroke victim choking on marbles. Isn’t there a chance he really said, “Nibblets Flavored Oreos?” Which would still probably be a nasty thing to call people.

The worst thing he did was go on Al Sharpton’s radio show. What’s the point of trying to give an extended apology to people who want you fired? The slightest word will be received as a slight. He got nailed when he said, “You people” to Al and a Congresswoman. My father used to yell that at the family when we weren’t ready to get in the car. Does this mean my dad was racial bashing us? When will Al Sharpton picket in front of my dad’s house? I want justice and face time on Larry King!

If you want to make fast money, sell pitchforks and torches with the Fox News logo. This is a growth industry as each week we find a new celebrity to chase based on their faux pas. Remember when you had to spew about an hour’s worth of hatred before people really suspected you had improper thoughts?

And Alec Baldwin needs to take a few lessons from my father about how to explode on the phone.

SHEPPING IT

Anyone else distracted by the new graphics on Studio B with Shepard Smith on Fox News? They have this rotating gold circle with a purple “B” inside. It looks like Shep is hosting the Kobe Bryant show. Is this part of Fox News’ way to attract a demographic that is dazzled by shiny spinning objects?

DUMP THE NAME

As CourtTV announces that it’ll be rebranded shortly, what exactly is keeping MSNBC’s moniker? If that channel really expects to get old people to flip over, they need to trash the link to Bill Gates. First off, it takes too damn long to say. CNN and Fox News fling out of your mouth like a bullet. MSNBC is like a test word the doctor gives to see if your tongue works properly. It sounds like you only tune in to find out the latest glitch in your Windows Vista. The MS does very little for me. Give it back to Gloria Steinem. What is holding up the boys in marketing from giving this news channel a real name. How about NBC Newz. The “z” will give it the youth appeal lacking from CNN and Fox News. Even calling it Peacock News would be an upgrade.

Why does ESPN Deportes give us updates on ESPN with Spanish speaking commentators speaking extra fast in English? I can’t understand what they are saying. Just say it in Spanish and give me subtitles. It’s as bad dealing with the call center folks in India. Why do American corporations keep hiring non-English speaking people to deal with those of us who speak English? It’s bad enough that I’m trying to hear over a phone line that’s going halfway around the world. But then I have translate through an accent that has no business speaking to me in a conversation that shouldn’t go beyond me pointing at items. Why is Dell turning me into Archie Bunker? Why does Travelocity want me to hate Indians? If press 1 to continue my call in English, I want to be able to use conversational English instead of translator skills. It’s called Customer Service. Service me, Citibank!

LOST IN TRANSLATION 2

I’m not against people who don’t speak English as a primary language. Indeed my recent gig involved being the local support for a Japanese video crew. It was like a reverse Bill Murray moment as I stood a head taller than my employers. The nice part was that the director and the cameraman spoke exclusively in Japanese. This allowed me to just sit back and watch. There was zero chance of me making any suggestions unless directly addressed in English. It’s a good feeling to know that I can’t help them until they ask.

During my chats with them I discovered that Takeshi’s Castle, the series that’s redubbed as Most Extreme Elimination Challenge on Spike TV is 20 years old. Did I feel like a dork asking if the show was still on. It would have been like them asking me about new episodes of A Team or Manimal. But it did lead to interesting talks about Takeshi “Beat” Kitano – called Vic Romano on MXC.

They were impressed that my favorite Japanese baseball team was The Nippon Ham Fighters (current Japan Series Champs). How can you not root for a team that understands that pork products must be beaten down before they take over the world?

The best part of the trip was taking my six Japanese pals to Raleigh’s premiere dining establishment, The Underground. They covered our table with plates. Chef Daniel Taylor’s crispy softshell crab benedict was a transpacific success story. I can’t speak five words of Japanese, but the international language for a great meal is silence punctuated by chewing, slurping and pleasant moans.

While giving the crew a tour of Raleigh, they were amazed by our giant acorn statue. If you ever come to the City of Oaks, you must worship in front of the giant acorn. Then get a hot glazed donut at the nearby Krispy Kreme. Raleigh is a town of religious experiences.

OFF WITH HER HEAD

Speaking of Sophia Coppola, my wife hated the ending of Marie Antoinette. Why? Because The final reel stopped without Kirsten Dunst getting her head lopped off by the Guillotine. How can you make a film about Marie that doesn’t have the blade come down? And don’t go “you need to put a Spoiler Alert” on this. Anyone who wasn’t stoned during World History class knows what happens to the Queen of France. To not have her head bounce into a basket is like having a Catherine the Great movie that avoids the horsey love.

WHO WE WANT IN 2008

This column is throwing its support behind the presidential ticket of Ben Gazzara and Robert Loggia.

Does Willard Scott feel sad when he reads about someone dying at 99? It’s another name that won’t be on the Smuckers jar.

How many of Russell Simmons’s “Do You!: 12 Laws to Access the Power in You to Achieve Happiness and Success” involve divorce law?

WHAT COURTESY?

During a report about how Fergie from the Black Eye Peas had her first big role in Monster in The Closet, the guys at E! showed a clip from the film. In the top right corner of the frame was “Courtesy of Youtube.” Who is running the style book at that channel? It’s good that the channel sourced that they downloaded the footage from Youtube, but that website had no permission to actually host the movie. Troma was the company that should have been given a “Courtesy of…” credit. The folks at E! owe Troma a major apology. Instead of telling people that the DVD of Monster in the Closet can be bought, they tipped off folks that they can just visit Youtube and watch the film for free. Would the folks at E! be pleased if Entertainment Tonight ran a clip from the upcoming season of The Simple Life and claimed “Courtesy of Youtube?”

FLIPPED OFF

I recently discovered Flip This House and Flip That House are different shows. Were these two shows based off the English series Flip This House? If you want to get on one of these shows, tell the producers that you have won’t waste money on a home inspection before you buy the property. That insures a certain disaster site that TV producers love to document.

Is there anything you can do to a house that won’t add value beyond the expense? How much does a glory hole add to your guest bathroom? Wouldn’t you be better off buying a dump and putting in your own upgrades? You can always put your own new roof on a house. Are these shows “crack” for viewers who see the concept of buying a house, working on it for three weeks and scoring a $100,000 payday is just a dump away?

When is someone going to do a spouse swap show that also involves remodeling? Call it Dad ‘N Hammer. Imagine the joy in the eyes of young children when a nutjob with a toolbox shows up at the front door. It’ll be comedy gold when the dads return to their families and check out the “improvements” at their homes. What dad wants to know that all the projects he swore over the years that he’d finish were done by another man?

OLD NOSTI

Why is it when I get dragged into Old Navy, they never seem to play Beth Orton? Where’s “Stolen Car” when sifting through ringed t-shirts? One time they played Husker Du’s “Could You Be The One.” Looking around at the shoppers eager to find that perfect pair of cords, it was easy to surmise that nobody else was getting pangs of nostalgia. What’s to do when you miss the Du?

Do you think Beth Orton is jealous about my Leslie Feist crush? Feist’s new album The Reminder is due out May 1. The airport moving sidewalk video for “My Moon My Man” has inspired me to buy the CD when it comes out. I’m sorry that I’m unfaithful cad, Beth, but Feist called my name.

Nocturnal Admissions: DVD Review – Night at the Museum, Pulp

Filed under: Columns,Nocturnal Admissions — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:12 am

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Night Rooney

If you look closely, you’ll note Mickey Rooney in the trailer for Night in the Museum. He has only a small part in the movie, as a night guard with essentially one line that he utters repeatedly with slight variations. Rooney’s near-absence from the trailer makes sense. Its advertisers don’t want to traffic in nostalgia for films past. To that end, it emphasizes, logically, the main character, played by Ben Stiller, and his “fun” go-stars, Robin Williams and Owen Wilson, all with obvious appeal to younger viewers. But in addition to Rooney, there is also Dick Van Dyke and Bill Cobbs, as, apparently (it’s not clear), retiring night guards from a Manhattan natural history museum.

Night team

As everyone knows, Stiller’s Larry Daley is the typical modern movie loser who ends up with the job. He’s a failed inventor (see the forthcoming Knocked Up), his ex-wife (24‘s Kim Raver) rides him (previous comedies incalculable), and all he wants to do is earn the love of his son (Wild Hogs). Soon he learns, however, that due to the presence in the museum of a pharaoh’s tomb, that every exhibit in the museum comes to life at night, with the codicil that they must all stay there (keeping them inside is the night guard’s job) or be turned to dust if left outside when the sun rises, what amounts to a fake suspense ploy, but which puts it in league with all the current animal animated films, which all rest on the same premise. The movie is calibrated to appeal to all ages, but it is primarily a kids film, and the presence of the old wrinklies in the cast are a sop to the elderly sentimentalists who think back fondly on the TV shows or, for the older, movies of their youth.

Night mummy

Night in the Museum is a truly terrible movie. I haven’t seen as bad a film that is also a major box office hit since, well, The Da Vinci Code, also a movie of supreme ineptitude – in pacing, editing choices, framing, casting choices, dramaturgy, just about everything. That it was the box office leader for three or four weeks in a row is cause for a whole other column, about the disconnect between reviewers and moviegoers, which I don’t have anything to add to anyway, but it does suggest that American filmgoers really don’t want their films to be good, if by good one means stylish, coherent, intelligent (the failure of Grindhouse, its polar opposite in quality, at the box office suggests this to be true). They are made uneasy by complex emotions, as opposed to the simple emotions of kids movies (Night is based on a children’s novel), and by visual sophistication. An example of the film’s incoherence is that Robin Williams’s Teddy Roosevelt admits at one point that he isn’t really the old president, but a ceramic stature made in a factory; yet in the film’s resolution, Larry introduces his love interest, docent Rebecca (Carla Gugino) to the subject of her stalled Ph. D. thesis, Sacajawea (Mizuo Peck) – as if another statue does have intimate knowledge of the person she is modeled on.

Night box

Which isn’t to say that Night in the Museum should be ignored. On the contrary, it should be studied, both by scholars seeking to understand society, and by film students seeking a way into the business. Don’t follow the QT way! Go the superficial way, as this film’s director, actor-turned-director Shawn Levy has done.

To that end, the two disc special edition of Night in the Museum is an aide to study. It comes in a good widescreen transfer (1.85:1, enhanced) with DTS and DD 5.1 audio, plus Spanish and French 2.0 Surround tracks, and English and Spanish subtitles. Supplements on disc one include two commentary tracks – one by a boosters Levy, the other by co-writers Robert Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon (of Reno 911!).

The second disc begins with almost 20 minutes of deleted or extended scenes, most of them about Larry’s loserhood, followed by a blooper reel, out takes with the monkey-related outtakes; a gag reel of Levy’s wit as manifested in hijinks on the set, an episode of Comedy Central’s Reel Comedy focused on Night at the Museum, and making of featurettes segregated by subjects such as special effects, costumes, and set design. In addition, there is a storyboard to screen comparison, two “making of” specials from the Fox Movie Channel, one about animated the T Rex skeleton, the other showing Levy lecturing some film students). Finally, there are trailers and a DVD-ROM game based on the movie.

Pulp Rooney

Rooney was, reportedly, 86 when he made Night at the Museum. He was 52 when he made Pulp, released on the same DVD day, April 24, 2007, and shot during the middle phase of Rooney’s career. Something of a cult film, Mike Hodges made Pulp in 1972.

There are three great modern cinematic homages to crime fiction in the movies. Gumshoe, Peeper, and Pulp. Two of them star Michael Caine, while Gumshoe stars Albert Finney. Each of them parodies the tough guy similes of Raymond Chandler’s books, and turn conventions of the genre on their heads. All three are brilliant in their various ways. And it is partially because in their individual ways they ultimately take the task of storytelling seriously, despite the ribbing. Pulp is the first one to make it to DVD.

Pulp Caine

Caine stars as Mickey King, a disreputable cad who ran out on his wife and kids to write, dictate actually, pornographic mysteries. He is approached by a mysterious tough guy (Lionel Stander) to ghost write the memoir of an at first secretive figure, but who eventually turns out to be Preston Gilbert (Rooney), a former Hollywood actor who mixes up the gangster roles he played with his real, or “real” life.

Pulp Nadia

However, someone doesn’t want Preston’s book to come out. Is it the mysterious photographer (Lizbeth Scott, whom you might confuse at first with Melina Mercouri)? Is it the luscious young associate of Preston (Nadia Cassini)? Could it be the creepy mystery expert (a subtly brilliant Al Lettieri ) King meets on a tour bus? Though the mystery is “solved,” ambiguities remain, and King, who narrates the movie like he writes his books, is left at the end confined in paradise with a broken leg, but, like the Rules of the Game style images at the end suggest, not unlike a boar in a shooting pen, to be picked off by powerful elites.

Pulp is funny (whimsical might be a better term), and also a premiere example of film soleil, especially those in the revisionist mode of the 1970s. Such films maintained the narrative pleasure of the old noir movies but added an extra level of delight by undermining or deconstructing key elements of the genre.

Pulp box

The Pulp disc from MGM, via Fox, doesn’t go into any of this. It’s a bare bones release with an adequate widescreen transfer and three sound options. Nevertheless, it’s a must for every noir and neo-noir collector.

QSE News: 4/30/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:10 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgThe film Disturbia was number one at the box office this last weekend for the third week in a row, despite only pulling in $9 million. Hollywood insiders are surprised the film was able to maintain its dominance with such highly touted releases as Kickin It Old Skool and the Stone Cold Steve Austin vehicle The Condemned.
  • Actress Julia Stiles will star in and produce a film adaptation of the novel The Bell Jar. The novel, by Sylvia Plath, follows the character of Esther Greenwood as she slides into mental illness. Stiles is best known for being hot.
  • Former American Idol contestant Jessica Sierra was arrested over the weekend for allegedly hitting a man with a glass. When news of the arrest came out, American Idol judge Simon Cowell criticized Sierra for her performance during the fight, calling it “too cliché.”

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 4/30/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:09 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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April 27, 2007

Comics in Context #175: My Dinner In Hell

Filed under: Columns,Comics in Context — admin @ 12:04 am

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cic2007-04-27.jpgAt the beginning of director Zack Snyder’s film adaptation of Frank Miller’s graphic novel 300, we are told that that if the Spartans of ancient Greece decided that a newborn infant was physically unfit to grow up to be a warrior, they would throw him to his death. The baby we see onscreen doesn’t meet such a fate, but we do get to see a mound of infant skulls.

This sight leads me to contemplate my own beginnings. I was born prematurely, spent some time in an incubator, and suffered from eczema as an infant. While no one would ever mistake me for a warrior, I’ve led a healthy life and have never spent a night in a hospital since my infancy. But watching this scene in 300 makes me realize: if I had been born in Sparta in the 5th century B. C., I would have been killed like all the other “unfit” newborns.

I don’t find this to be a propitious opening for a movie.

Both the 300 graphic novel and the movie recount the story of the Battle of Thermopylae (translated as the “Hot Gates”) in 480 B. C., wherein King Leonidas of Sparta and three hundred soldiers sacrificed their lives in combat against the massively larger army of the Persian emperor Xerxes. But although Leonidas’s forces lost the battle, they inflicted surprisingly large losses on the Persian army.

Moreover, the Three Hundred’s brave resistance at Thermopylae became an inspirational story, as Miller shows in 300 through his emphasis on the role of Dilios, the soldier turned storyteller. Before the climactic battle, Miller’s Leonidas observes that Dilios has “a talent unlike any other Spartan.” Though Leonidas and Miller do not spell it out, it is that Dilios is a storyteller, a creative artist, in effect. Leonidas commands Dilios to “make every Greek know what happened here. You’ll have a grand tale to tell. A tale of victory.” Dilios appears in 300‘s framing sequence in his role as storyteller, and most of Miller’s 300 is thus presented as the “grand tale” that Dilios tells to all of Greece, and to generations yet unborn.

This reminds me of the end of Shakespeare’s Hamlet, in which the dying title character prevents his friend Horatio from committing suicide, and instructs him to live on and to tell Hamlet’s story; immediately after Hamlet’s death, we see Horatio begin his task, telling what happened to the newly arrived prince Fortinbras. There’s a similar idea at work in the end of the Lerner and Loewe musical Camelot, in which King Arthur, just prior to his final battle, knights a young boy and imposers a different sort of quest upon him: to leave the battlefield and devote his life to spreading the legend of Camelot.

The saga of Thermopylae was not only conveyed through succeeding centuries by historians but also through references by poets including Lord Byron, Emily Dickinson, and T. S. Eliot. Miller surely identifies with the warrior king Leonidas. Though he looks considerably younger in the movie, the 300 graphic novel establishes that Leonidas is in his fifties. Hence, he is yet another of Miller’s middle-aged heroes facing his last battle, like the Batman of The Dark Knight Returns and Hartigan in Sin City: That Yellow Bastard. But surely Miller also identifies with Dilios, since they are both artists telling the “grand tale” of the Three Hundred.

My question is just how well 300 succeeds in communicating the heroic spirit of the Thermopylae saga. Through the way in which they present their story, do Miller and Snyder distort the inspirational message they seek to convey? How justifiable is their idealization of the Spartans of 300, who, among other things, practice infanticide? I admired the graphic novel, though I never felt the affinity for it that I have to Miller’s 1980s work. The movie, however, through dramatizing and amplifying them, made me more aware of the troubling aspects of the book.

For example, take the infanticide business. In the graphic novel, this is dealt with in two tiny panels in Chapter Three. “We are born. We are inspected,” reads Dilios’s narration for a small panel showing a newborn who is mostly concealed from our sight by two enormous adult hands. Just what are those hands doing to the infant’s eyes? Is that blood? And why use the word “inspected,” as if human babies were livestock? Then, in the next panel, the narrator tells us, “If we are small or puny or sickly or misshapen, we are discarded.” We see the silhouetted figure of a man, standing on a silhouetted cliff, dropping a silhouetted baby from it. The small size of the panel deemphasizes the scene’s dramatic importance; the silhouettes prevent us from seeing clearly what is happening; and the word “discarded,” as George Orwell would point out, suggests that nothing more is happening than tossing out the trash. But what is really going on is the murder of a baby.

In the movie Zack Snyder can’t vary the size of the “panels,” and so the image of the adult “inspecting” the baby atop the precipice fills the screen. Not surprisingly, Snyder did not show the baby being dropped, but we see the remains of those who were killed before him.

I am reminded of 24, a television series which I otherwise enjoy, but which has reversed what I had thought was an immutable principle of entertainment. In stories it is the Bad Guys who torture. Indeed, in the most recent episode (April 21) of the commendable new Robin Hood series on BBC America, Robin’s servant Much is horrified that Robin intends to torture his foe, the traitor Sir Guy of Gisborne, and Robin does not go through with it. I presume that the series’ writers and producers had the Abu Ghraib torture scandal in mind, but I wonder if they were also thinking of 24, in which hero Jack Bauer tortures people without hesitation. In 300 the Good Guys kill babies, and there is no hint in either the movie or the graphic novel that this sullies the Spartans’ heroic reputation.

Actually, Wikipedia states that the babies “were abandoned on the slopes of Mt. Taygetos to die”. The 300 book actually makes matters worse by showing an adult actively killing a baby by dropping him off the cliff!

Miller has stated in numerous interviews that he was inspired to create 300 by seeing a movie about the Battle of Thermopylae called The 300 Spartans (1962) when he was a boy. That was the last movie version of the “grand tale” until 300, nearly a half century later. Obviously, the “grand tale” had faded from American consciousness in the interim.

Indeed, my understanding is that in the later decades of the last century, interest in ancient Greece and Rome declined in American schools, but it was still going strong when I was growing up. There were casts of the Elgin Marbles, the frieze from the Parthenon, on the interior walls of the prep school I attended; I wish I had appreciated them more at the time. What I did love since childhood were John Singer Sargent’s murals of gods, heroes and even monsters from Greek mythology above the grand staircase at Boston’s Museum of Fine Arts: they fired my childhood interest in mythology, which would lead to my lifelong fascination with deciphering the mythic archetypes in comics. And it was in grade school that I first learned about the two great rival city-states of ancient Greece: Sparta and Athens. Right from the start, I felt an affinity for the intellectual Athenians and didn’t much care for the warlike Spartans.

As I’ve been observing for the last few weeks in this column, fashions shift over time, and perhaps now in the early 21st century American interest in
classical culture is resurging. There was HBO and the BBC’s recent Rome television series, for one thing. (The 300 movie, I suspect, is less a sign of renewed interest in Greek history than of the growing cultural influence of the graphic novel.)

Back in 1949, a director of the Metropolitan Museum of Art decided to convert its Roman court into a restaurant, thereby halving the space available for displaying the museum’s collection of ancient Greek and Roman art. This month the Metropolitan reopened the newly renovated Roman Court, transformed into a spacious sunlit showcase for Roman statuary. Turn immediately to the left as you enter, and you will find a bust of Herodotus, the “Father of History” (3480-430/420 B. C.), the Greek author who is the original source for 300‘s saga of the Battle of Thermopylae.

In 2001 the Onassis Cultural Center, which presents temporary exhibitions of ancient Greek art, opened in midtown Manhattan. Its current show, running though May 12, is, appropriately for this column, “Athens-Sparta,” which compares and contrasts the two city-states through artwork from both city-states. There is a large marble statue of a hoplite, or Greek soldier, who is said to be Leonidas himself, and the exhibit includes arrowheads and spearheads that were found in the battleground of Thermopylae.

But the opening wall text in the exhibit reminded me just why, even as a child, I preferred Athens to Sparta. Noting Sparta’s “strict training of its citizens,” the text states that Sparta’s “primary concern” was “the creation and maintenance of a mighty military force.” In contrast, Athens, was “imbued with a progressive worldview that promoted the individual” and “took a totally different direction that led to major intellectual and artistic achievements as well as to the unique phenomenon of the Athenian democracy, making the city the most important cultural center in the Hellenic world until the Roman Age.”

The wall texts in the Metropolitan’s new Greek galleries trace the cultural history of Athens, depicting the reign of Pericles in the 5th century B.C. as a Golden Age that produced extraordinary achievements in philosophy, democratic government, architecture, sculpture, science, philosophy, and literature. These wall texts ignore Sparta.

The Onassis Cultural Center’s show seeks to correct the imbalance by presenting works of art from Sparta. But, according to one of the show’s wall texts, “”From the mid-sixth century B.C. this burgeoning of the arts began to wane. . .The adverse domestic situation that had begun to take shape, with the gradual decline in the economy and trade, led to Sparta’s alienation from the rest of the world and to the dwindling of interest in the arts.” That “dwindling” strikes me as less ominous than Sparta’s “alienation from the rest of the world,” which seems an unhealthy attitude to have.

It also occurs to me that choosing between Sparta and Athens may be something like the red state/blue state split in contemporary American politics. The Onassis show does characterize the militaristic Sparta as “conservative and restrained” in a wall text, whereas Athens, presumably liberal by contrast, was the birthplace of democracy.

Considering my childhood affinity for ancient Athens, the leading cultural center of its time, it makes sense that I ended up spending most of my life in New York City, the cultural capital of the United States, and perhaps the world, filled with museums, theaters, publishers and educational institutions.

Athens was also the birthplace of drama, home in the fifth century B.C. to the first great authors of tragedy, Aeschylus, Sophocles and Euripides, and the first great comic playwright, Aristophanes. With my own lifelong passion for storytelling in a variety of forms–novels, plays, movies, and, yes, comics–it’s no wonder that I regard Athens as a cultural Camelot of the ancient world. Why, wouldn’t anyone who loves storytelling feel the same way?

On the basis of 300, apparently not. Here’s Leonidas talking to the Persian messenger early in the 300 graphic novel: “Rumor has it that the Athenians have already turned you down, and if those boy-lovers found that kind of nerve. . . .” So here’s the Athenian civilization dismissed with a homophobic jibe.

It also turns out to be hypocritical on the part of the fictionalized Leonidas, although you wouldn’t know this from either the graphic novel or the movie.
Referring to 300‘s seeming characterization of Xerxes as gay, academic Ephraim Lytle of the University of Toronto comments, “This is ironic given that pederasty was an obligatory part of a Spartan’s education. This was a frequent target of Athenian comedy, wherein the verb “˜to Spartanize’ meant “˜to bugger.'”. Not only that, but according to Wikipedia, “In antiquity it was thought that a youth was expected to find himself an older lover, and that pederasty, a social practice common throughout most of Greece, was especially so in Sparta, where the ephors fined any eligible man who did not have chaste relationships with youths”.

As for heterosexuality in Sparta, by law each Spartan man had to marry a woman when he was twenty. According to the aforementioned Wikipedia entry, the wedding ceremony “consisted of the intended bride being abducted with simulated violence.” Doesn’t seem very loving, does it? But wait, there’s more. Wikipedia continues, “After the wedding night the husband remained living in his barracks and would have no further contact with his wife except for the purpose of procreation.” (Actually, as a lapsed Catholic, I’d have to say this isn’t that different from the Church’s traditional position on marital sex.) And what effect might that have on the psychological well-being of any straight young Spartan? No wonder they sublimated their libidos into the violence of warfare.

By the way, while the Onassis show acknowledges the “Spartan supremacy on land,” the Athenians were no slouches, despite their lack of a militaristic culture. The main villain in 300 is the Persian ruler Xerxes, whose father, Darius, did indeed intend “to create a worldwide empire,” according to the Onassis wall texts, which further state that Darius’s army “marched onto Marathon, where, despite being outnumbered four to one, Greek troops led by the Athenian general Miltiades achieved a remarkable victory over the Persians” in 490 B. C.. Lytle points out that while the Spartans were facing Xerxes’ troops at Thermopylae ten years later, “a vastly outnumbered fleet led by Athenians was holding off the Persians in the straits adjacent to Thermopylae, “ In the 300 graphic novel Miller has Dilios acknowledge that “In the waters of Salamis, Athenian seafaring mastery led the united Greek navy to shatter the Persian armada.”

But look how Dilios describes the Athenians’ triumph at Marathon in the 300 book. “Armored men, Athenians, with their leather skirts and lovingly sculpted breastplates. What a pretty pack they must have been! Athenians. Amateurs. Foppish, frilly citizen soldiers. . . . and still they drove the Persians back to the sea and away!. . .How can we fail–against foes so fearful of combat they’d show their backside to Athenians?”

How many things are wrong with this? Rather than commend the Athenians for their courage and battle prowess in defeating the Persians, Dilios disparages them by “feminizing” their image, as if he were some bigoted adolescent saying, “They are SO gay!” (Of course, in contrast to the Athenians in “skirts,” the Spartan soldiers of 300 walk around virtually naked, but we’ll get to that later.)

Of course, if the Persians are supposedly such cowards that even the allegedly incompetent and girly Athenians could put them to flight, then the Battle of Thermopylae is really not such a big deal, right?

There’s something more subtle that I find disturbing, as well. In 300 Dilios and Leonidas speak condescendingly about the “citizen soldiers” from other Greek city-states, whom Dilios calls “amateurs.” When Leonidas encounters the Arcadian army in 300, he asks various Arcadians what their professions are. There is a sculptor, a blacksmith, and as baker, all creative artists of one sort or another. Leonidas and Dilios, however, prefer the Spartans’ full time professional army: “You see, old friend,” Leonidas says, “I brought more soldiers than you did.”

My father fought in World War II. He was an engineer, not a professional soldier. The vast majority of American soldiers in World War II were ordinary people who were drafted or who enlisted out of patriotism, not career soldiers, and yet they won the war. Amazing, eh? In fact, movies about World War II, those made during the war and right up through Steven Spielberg’s Saving Private Ryan (1998), celebrate the courage and endurance and skill of these “citizen soldiers”; you may recall that Tom Hanks’ character in Ryan was a schoolteacher in civilian life. In fact, this celebration of the “citizen soldier” seemed to be a celebration of the democratic spirit of America.

But 300 turns this ideal upside down. “Citizen soldiers” may be “brave,” as Dilios acknowledges, but 300 argues that they should leave the real fighting to the pros.

So, thus far 300 has badmouthed my dad’s wartime service and thrown me over a cliff. This is not looking good.

Well, what if I had been born in ancient Sparta and I hadn’t immediately been thrown over the cliff? According to the graphic novel, in Dilius’s words, “we are starved, driven to steal, and fight and kill. We are tested, tossed into the wild, left to pit our wits and will against nature’s fury. By rod and lash, we are punished, trained to show no pain.”

It seems that this is more or less true. According to Wikipedia Spartan boys started their compulsory military training, called agoge, at the age of seven (!), which “consisted for the most part in physical exercises, such as dancing, gymnastics, and ball-games.” That doesn’t seem so bad, but consider this. The kids also had to run what was called the gauntlet: “They would have to run around a group of older children, who would flog them continually with whips, sometimes to death.” And I thought the bullying I endured in grade school was bad. So had I not been thrown over the cliff, this is where I’d get killed.

Following the agoge “a select few young men were arranged into groups, and were sent off into the countryside with nothing, and were expected to survive on wits and cunning” and, yes, were expected to steal. Professor Lytle states that Spartan boys “were indeed toughened by beatings and dispatched into the countryside, forced to walk shoeless in winter and sleep uncovered on the ground.”

So, from the age of seven, all Spartan boys are set on the same mandatory career path, and they remained full time soldiers until they were thirty. There doesn’t seem to have been the opportunity for someone like myself to become a scholar or a writer. If Frank Miller had been born in ancient Sparta, presumably he wouldn’t have been able to become an artist.

But wait! If all the men are soldiers, then who performs all the other jobs in Sparta? It’s not the women, who, even though they had more freedom than the women of other Greek city-states, were still confined to managing the home. Citizens made their money from their land, which was farmed by the helots, a class that Wikipedia compares to medieval serfs, who made up ninety percent of the Spartan population. Not only did helots have no civil rights, but according to Professor Lytle, the initiation rite for young Spartan soldiers consisted of “murdering unarmed helots.” Lytle dryly observes that “By living off estates worked by helots, the Spartans could afford to be professional soldiers, although really they had no choice: securing a brutal apartheid state is a full-time job. . . .” Before the Fifth Century B.C. Sparta pursued what the Onassis show calls an “expansionist foreign policy”: the helots were descendants of the other Greeks they conquered.

So, in the graphic novel Leonidas says on the eve of the Battle of Thermopylae that “Come tomorrow, we light a fire that will burn in the hearts of free men for all the centuries yet to be.” Miller’s Leonidas is well aware that he is the impelling force behind the “grand tale.” But just how free are the people of Sparta? They may not be under foreign domination, but ninety percent of the people living in Sparta are effectively slaves. Spartan male citizens are forced to become part of the military machine. And how much freedom did those abandoned infants experience?

Wikipedia states, ” From the earliest days of the Spartan citizen, the claim on his life by the state was absolute and strictly enforced.” Isn’t this the kind of overbearing government, restricting individual freedom, that Miller presents as the enemy in Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, The Dark Knight Strikes Again (see “Comics in Context” #30-31, 34), Elektra: Assassin, Sin City, and the Martha Washington books?

Notice that right after Leonidas makes that speech about “the hearts of free men,” one of his subjects says, “We’re with you, sir, to the death,” and Leonidas replies, “I didn’t ask. Leave democracy to the Athenians, boy.” So much for liberty.

I shouldn’t go further without dealing with some unfinished business. I never did complete my discussion of the neo-noir movie Frank Miller’s Sin City and the graphic novels on which it is based (see “Comics in Context” #78-79, 83), and I should at least wrap up the storyline about Marv, The Hard Goodbye. Perhaps it’s just as well that I waited, because some things I’ve written about in subsequent columns have added to my understanding of Sin City, and that in turn helps illuminate the meanings of 300.

In The Hard Goodbye the brutish Marv is trying to find out who is responsible for the murder of Goldie, the one woman he says ever showed him kindness, and to avenge her. (Actually, Marv’s mother, his female parole officer, and his fried Nancy the stripper all like him, too; what Marv, who is grotesquely ugly, means is that Goldie is the only one who would have sex with him.) I left off just before Goldie seemingly returns from the dead to try to kill Marv, repeatedly hitting him with her car.

This isn’t Goldie resurrected, but her twin sister Wendy, who soon finds out that Marv didn’t kill Goldie and becomes his ally. It was clever of Miller to introduce Wendy, because she serves several important purposes. First, when she first appears, and is trying to kill Marv, she represents Marv’s own sense of guilt over Goldie’s death. When he discovered she was dead, he blamed himself for having lain there obliviously drunk and asleep next to her when the murderer struck. The male protagonists of the Sin City movie are driven by a kind of chivalry: they regard it as their duty to protect women, even though the women in some cases are quite capable of defending themselves. It’s possible that in beating up, torturing and killing various antagonists in his quest to avenge Goldie’s murder, Marv is displacing his own sense of guilt onto the various members of this conspiracy. In punishing them, he feels less guilty. Then again, perhaps his sense of guilt is on reason why it’s appropriate that Marv ends up in the electric chair: he subconsciously may feel that he must be punished, too.

Second, Wendy’s role in the story underlines the extent to which Marv’s Goldie is not so much the real person as a figment of his imagination. At first Marv thinks that Wendy is Goldie, and even after he learns the truth, he continues to confuse one for the other. In a sense Wendy is no more Marv’s Goldie than the real Goldie was. The Goldie he is in love with, whom he seeks to avenge, is his image of the ideal woman, which he projects onto the real Goldie. Even as he learns Goldie’s true motivations, and that she wasn’t in love with him, he keeps saying that it doesn’t matter: he is still loyal to the death to his idealized conception of Goldie, and he won’t let facts get in the way.

When Wendy visits Marv on death row just before his execution, he thinks again that she is Goldie. And at this point, symbolically she is: Wendy is expressing the gratitude to Marv that presumably Goldie would have felt had she lived.

Recently watching the Sin City movie again on television, I connected it with my long commentary on Dr. Peter Coogan’s book Superhero: The Secret Origin of a Genre (see “Comics in Context” #162-166). (See, I warned you that this book would keep popping up in my column.) Coogan pointed out that superhero stories fit into the literary mode that the late Northrop Frye designated in his book, Anatomy of Criticism, as “romance.” By that term Frye meant a story of extraordinary adventure in which the protagonist is “superior in degree to other men and to his environment,” but is still a human being, who “moves in a world in which the ordinary laws of nature are slightly suspended.”

This explains some of the improbable things in Miller’s Sin City comics, which seem even more improbable on the movie screen. Wendy repeatedly hits Marv with her car, yet he suffers no serious injury, and is barely slowed down. Ultimately Marv is sentenced to the electric chair, but not only survives the first electrocution, but is able to mock his captors: it takes two to kill him.

But if you perceive Marv as a hero of “romance” who is somehow “superior in degree to other men” and the world around him, and who exists in a world “in which the ordinary laws of nature are slightly suspended,” it makes sense. Sin City sends mixed signals, since the setting, the urban underworld, is what Frye would consider a “low mimetic” milieu, in which we would not expect blatant elements of fantasy. Nor do we expect the characters of film noir to be stronger or more resistant to injury than normal people. But although Marv is not a character in the superhero genre, he is to some degree superhuman, and in my earlier review I compared him to the Hulk, both physically and temperamentally.

Since Sin City is a Frye-style romance, that also explains the odd science-fiction element: in That Yellow Bastard Hartigan shoots off Roark, Junior’s hand and genitals, but unusual treatments somehow enable him to grow them back! This may also explain certain characters’ resistance to bullets. Hartigan can sever Roark Junior’s hand and genitals with a single gunshot apiece, yet in the same scene Hartigan is shot repeatedly, without losing any body parts, and, despite his heart trouble, manages to survive. This is why the serial killer in The Hard Goodbye, who looks like an ordinary preppie, displays strength, agility and speed on the verge of impossibility.

There are also elements of Frye-style romance in 300, especially the movie. As I reported in this column, at last year’s San Diego Con, Miller “pointed out that sometimes Snyder changed the speed of the cameras to make the Spartans look “˜superhuman’ during the fighting” (see “Comics in Context” #146). In the movie one of the principal Spartans is impaled by a spear and nonetheless manages to keep on slaying enemies until he finally dies: he too is “superhuman.”

In that Robin Hood episode I mentioned, Much does not want his master, Robin, to lower himself to the moral level of the bad guys by torturing Gisborne. In The Hard Goodbye Marv not only kills people but tortures antagonists in the course of his quest for vengeance. Marv even cuts off the arms and legs of the cannibalistic serial killer in Hard Goodbye and lets a dog eat him. Hartigan tears off the Yellow Bastard’s new genitals with his bare hand and then kills the Bastard by beating his head to a literal pulp. However awful their antagonists’ actions, surely Marv and Hartigan have gone beyond the bounds of moral justification in taking their revenge.

Marv ends up being killed in the electric chair, and Hartigan commits suicide. I wondered whether Miller gave them these fates as an acknowledgment that Marv and Hartigan had each gone too far, and had to suffer punishment themselves. They were both like the classic hero whose violence ensures the safety of society, but for that very reason cannot be a part of it: that’s why Alan Moore’s V effectively commits suicide, leaving Evey to guide a new, freer British society.

Is this the subtext of Miller’s 300? Are we meant to be horrified by the Spartans’ militaristic society? Are they sacrificing themselves, like V, in order to assure the rise of a better world, of which they could never be part? Does Miller mean us to deconstruct 300 in this way? Or does he mean for us to accept his heroic portrait of the Spartans at face value, warts and all, offering no moral condemnation of those warts? Are we meant to excuse Marv’s and Hartigan’s violent excesses, as well? We shall look into this further in the near future.

ADVERTISEMENTS FOR MYSELF
This spring Art Spiegelman has been an artist-in-residence at my alma mater, Columbia University. For the latest edition of Publishers Weekly’s Comics Week, I wrote a report on a lecture that Spiegelman recently delivered on campus.

And congratulations to fellow Quick Stop columnist Fred Hembeck, whose column will celebrate its hundredth anniversary within the coming week!

Copyright 2007 Peter Sanderson

April 26, 2007

Trailer Park: Jamie Kennedy: Man, Myth, Examinator of Societial Underbelly

Filed under: Columns,Trailer Park — admin @ 11:55 pm

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

One of the nicest things I am able to do as a person who has a weekly column devoted to trailers is expose you all out there in the cyberiffic ephemera to some of the best and worst in movie advertising.

This week’s column is unique in that I have two trailers to give you that gives you two different opinions on the phenomena that is Jamie Kennedy.

On the one hand I am not in any way a fan of The Jamie Kennedy Experiment. I saw the program as a shallow attempt to blend his style of comedy, his need to dress up and portray a gaggle of imaginary characters and set it all against a Candid Camera-like backdrop. I didn’t find it amusing. I didn’t see anything particularly brilliant about his humor and the roles he chose in mainstream film only really solidified the theory that he was, essentially, a vanilla alternative to Jim Carrey.

From there it was a roller coaster of film choices that swung back and forth from good to downright terrible. For every ROMEO + JULIET (he was absolutely fabulous) there was a MALIBU’S MOST WANTED waiting right around the corner. It was unfathomable to me that the guy could do great great work but then make a choice like SON OF THE MASK and it just makes you scratch your head and wonder just what is going on in that man’s mind. He’s obviously not above doing some projects because they have a modicum of ridiculousness in them or even above doing something that’s obviously terrible but the thing is, and here’s the rub, he’s hard to dismiss.

Kennedy has the kind of talent that eeks out every now and then but with a movie like KICKIN’ IT OLD SKOOL you just have to throw your hands up in the air and just forget everything you’ve ever thought, dismiss all the goodwill you’ve ever slid his way and just seethe with the kind of hate usually reserved for the sneaky bastards that steal food from the your company’s break room refrigerator, especially if the wife packed an extra pudding pop in your lunch.

The thing, though, is that the same weekend I saw SKOOL I also happened to catch his new documentary HECKLER and it blew my sensibilities away. The guy just rages with brilliance as he confronts the act of heckling and what it means to entertainers and public figures. You, honestly, can watch Kennedy sitting on a couch with a critic that has pummeled him, mercilessly, for his previous work that is, perhaps, worthy of such derision but it feels prickly when you see him confronting the critic and trying to make sense of the depth to which he was pushed asunder. It’s fascinating.

I’ll save the play-by-play for below but I’m curious what you think out there about Jamie Kennedy: Smart comedian or schizophrenic actor? I honestly believe the guy has to evoke some kind of reaction, one way or the other, from his audience so I welcome your thoughts on this or the trailers below.

But, before you do that, check out the extended Raiders video that’s used in Kennedy’s HECKLER trailer. I’m still laughing my ass off.

DIGGERS (2007)

Director: Katherine Dieckmann
Cast:
Ken Marino, Maura Tierney, Paul Rudd, Ron Eldard
Release: April 27, 2007
Synopsis:
A coming-of-age story about four working-class friends growing up in Long Island, New York, as clam diggers. Their fathers were clam diggers as well as their grandfathers before them.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. This movie is an odd duck but it’s for all the right reasons.

First, what many will probably notice about the film is that its release date, DVD release date, and the date on which it’s going to be available through your television is roughly only ten days between one another. BUBBLE, that see it and forget it film from Steven Soderbergh, kind of petered out to a slow-burn was due to its ambiguous and rather freakazoid premise as a film. Some saw that mass release on all formats as a bad portent for this kind of releasing but I would argue that the reason it didn’t do so well was because it wasn’t the kind of film you would want to rush out and buy, that you would want to rush, period, to see.

I’m not sure if this movie is The One, something that would really be a good test for how well it will do across all formats, but it’s got Paul Rudd and Maura Tierney and even Ken Marino, one of those quiet killers of comedy, who leads off the trailer with admonishing the use of the word “funeral” with his kids and, instead, couches the request to get his children interested in seeing a corpse as, “Want to see a dead body?” Huzzahs and excitement abound.

The fact that you have all this comedic talent behind the film and then, from Ken, we switch into Serious gear by setting things up ever briefly isn’t as jarring as it could be. You have the death of a patriarch but there is a sense, initially through casual talk between Rudd, Ken and Maura, that this all about capturing a moment. From the frank discussion about the truth of irony, funny, to the very real problems that this maritime family goes through after the one they depended on has left them is rather compelling.

Another reason that this trailer stands out from the pack is that there is a loaded cast that could do well in a movie like 40 YEAR-OLD VIRGIN or WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER but there’s hardly any of that here. This is a real examination of what a family goes through when the support system is gone: Ken has issues with his career, Rudd has problems with finding his place in life and Maura has problems with finding love.

None of this is funny.

However, we don’t really care because these people handle all these issues with their senses of humor and that’s what’s different about this production. Ken sums up what makes this an interesting experiment in whether anyone would buy, see or push a button on their remote to see this movie: his kid wants to see JAWS, Ken doesn’t think it would be a good thing, Ken goes on to explain away the ending with the kind of parental force that is at the same time funny and real.

I hope it’s not a failed experiment.

KICKIN’ IT OLD SKOOL (2007)

Director: Harvey Glazer
Cast: Jamie Kennedy, Miguel A. Nunez, Maria Menounos, Michael Rosenbaum, Bobby Lee
Release: April 27, 2007
Synopsis: In 1986, a freak break dancing accident put Justin Schumacher in a coma. Now, 20 years later, he (Jamie Kennedy) is waking up to a new world and discovering that the more things change, the more he’s stayed the same. With the girl of his dreams (Maria Menounos) engaged to marry his grade-school nemesis (Michael Rosenbaum), and his parents drowning in the debt of his medical costs, Justin must rally his former squad, bust a move, and win back the girl of his dreams.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Wicked Negative. This your bush?

I think that Jamie Kennedy is amusing. I think he’s really done well for himself and has established a fairly solid history for what his legacy will be when he finally passes on. I just am of the belief, however, that his comedy is middle of the road and doesn’t really do anything to further what those have come before him have done to try and push the boundaries of what can be funny.

It’s not meant to be a slam against what he does because, all things being equal, he’s a solid 6.5 on a 10-point scale. He’s not breaking any new ground or cutting a path through a thicket of land no one’s ever seen before but when you look at this trailer that’s exactly the kind of thing you should be thinking by the time it’s over.

It’s like BIG meets 13 GOING ON 30. Not the greatest way to walk into a pitch meeting, it wouldn’t open my wallet, but someone did and the trailer plays Color-By-Numbers. The bland voiceover tells us everything we need to know about this movie by the time we hit the 15-second mark and kudos to them. I can’t really hold anything against the intro because it does a solid job with setting up his life, his love interest, the situation of him being in a coma for 20 years following a break dancing move and the fact that Christopher McDonald is just a solid supporting actor in comedies.

The problem, then, is the plot of this movie. Whereas you have trailers that try and snowball you into thinking they’re something that they’re not this movie actually puts itself out there and kind of reveals all the goods. From the go-to gag of exposing an ignoramus to the powers of Internet porn, to the dropping of any 80’s nostalgia (Star Search, He-Man, arcades, et al) in order to make the situational comedy more “gettable” by your average Gen Xer, the demo this movie is obviously and overtly aimed at.

From the preposterous setup that there just happens to be a dance-off that just happens to award lots of money and just happens to be close enough where two old rivals, played with about as much nuance as an atom bomb going off in the middle of Nagasaki. It’s lazy storytelling would be far worse to me if this trailer just didn’t succeed in doing everything that it needed to do in order to be effective.

See, it’s not my place to point out the effectiveness of Vivica A. Fox’s bitch slap that’s funnier than shit but, rather, it’s my duty to explain that, as a trailer, it did everything it needed to do. It’s hard to rail against something that I sure as hell won’t spend any scratch on, and would try my hardest to keep any others from doing so either, because this trailer doesn’t hide what it is. It’s pleased as piss to just put it on display and let people bask in its milquetoast mushiness.

If ever there was a trailer that exemplified a C+ student, you need not look any futher.

HECKLER (2007)

Director: Michael Addis
Cast:
Louie Anderson, Dave Attel, Vince August, David Cross, Mike Ditka, Craig Ferguson, Tom Green, Jamie Kennedy, Jewel Kilcher, Bill Maher, Howie Mandel, Patton Oswalt, Joe Rogan, Rob Zombie
Release: Coming Soon
Synopsis: HECKLER is a comedic feature documentary exploring the increasingly critical world we live in. After starring in a film that was critically bashed, Jamie Kennedy takes on hecklers and critics and ask some interesting questions of people such as George Lucas, Bill Maher, Mike Ditka, Rob Zombie, Howie Mandel and many more. This fast moving, hilarious documentary pulls no punches as you see an uncensored look at just how nasty and mean the fight is between those in the spotlight and those in the dark.

View Trailer:
* Large (Flash)

Prognosis: Wildly Positive. I am, really, an old school comedy lover.

One of the best Kids in the Hall sketches has Bruce McCulloch and Mark McKinney as two of the most slimy, unscrupulous salesmen. They’re hawking a product called Poreef, a meat blend consisting of beef and pork, and are trying to unload it on a pack of easily sold sheep who are looking for a deal at their supermarket. One of the customers, an old woman, interrupts the sales pitch. Bruce, annoyed, fires back with, “Ma’am, do I come to your job and jump up and down at the end of the bed?” Realize, as well, that it took a moment the first time I heard it for me to understand that even though this was scripted sketch comedy it was still very funny.

As such, this is Jamie Kennedy’s bush right here. Make no mistake about the starkness of what this documentary deals with, the business of dealing with those who want to interject their own brand of humor to a working comedian’s office, and the trailer really impresses.

What’s so notable is that it opens up right in the middle of what the film is about with no context other than Jamie is making a documentary about something. The heckle that’s tossed out first is actually quite good, and one I’ve thought about Jamie for quite some time, only for him to soothingly take the heckler to task for his interruption.

We churn through a few comedians and their thoughts on the subject, Joe Rogan, who ought to win some kind of medal for this coup d’etat of massive proportions, steps in with a succinct appraisal of the situation, David Cross slips in with a quick comment but it’s really the heckle by a Raiders fan after a Texas Tech football game that’s interwoven between shots of Mike Ditka (?) and other comedians’ feelings on the matter that gets a laugh out of me.

Jamie is absolutely right to explore this social custom that seems to pervade many different avenues, not just stand-up comedy, but it’s the trailer’s frankness and inclusion of how Jamie himself deals with moments where lesser people might find themselves shaken off their game but, for him, it’s just another part of the career.

That’s where Michael Richards’ career-screeching screed comes in.

Things get a little spicier. A comedian is shown getting punched in the face by an audience member who rushes the stage. Dave Attell weighs in on why all comedians should retaliate against hecklers with violence of their own. Some guitar wielding comedian distributes some of his own brand of Whoop Ass to an unfortunate loudmouth and, again, Jamie switches gears.

The trailer contextualizes the final 1/3 of what we see here in that Jamie invites his critics into his movie to openly berate him about the roles he’s chosen to play and for them to be brutally honest about what they think of his work. It’s astonishing to watch if for no other reason than that anyone else, I would assume, in his position would just collect the paycheck and move right along. Some of these critics have real prickly things to say to his face. It’s great to watch simply for the thrill of seeing how this fits into his overall thrust of the film. And it does it seamlessly.

From other comedians to Jamie turning things back around on the critics he invited to share some screen time with him as they discuss the reviews they wrote about him this trailer easily has found a welcome spot in one of the best previews I’ve seen this year.

SEVERANCE (2007)

Director: Christopher Smith
Cast: Danny Dyer, Laura Harris, Tim McInnerny, Toby Stephens, Claudie Blakleye
Release: May 18, 2007
Synopsis: Working nine to five is a real killer, but teambuilding holidays can sometimes be even worse. A coach lurches out of the hustle and bustle of Budapest and heads towards the mountainous border. Aboard are seven employees of the international weapons manufacturer Palisade Defence, global suppliers of innovative weaponry for the past 75 war- torn years. The lucky group are being treated to a team-building weekend at the company’s newly built luxury spa lodge by their president, George Cinders.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. I didn’t know whether to laugh or be afraid, very afraid. And that’s kind of nice.

What makes SHAUN OF THE DEAD so interesting as a vehicle for film study is its blend of comedy and horror. Now, mind you, I wouldn’t say that SHAUN has the kind of horror blend that you would have seen in FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2, really the best one of the bunch, and that it’s more comedy than it is horror, but there was a real dedication on everyone’s part to not minimize either one of those blends.

That’s what I’m hoping is being done here.

For those who have ever been on a business retreat for those touchy-feely, granola chewing managerial types that think by stealing away for the weekend is any way for people to come closer together it is a nightmare of the oddest proportions. It kind of feels like you’re still “on the clock” but your attire and office scenery is just slightly askew; rather, it’s like a netherworld that denies you any sense of real comfort.

This trailer solidly blasts through the front gate and sets it all up for anyone who has never been on one of these business getaways some idea of what’s supposed to be done on them. Except, of course, you get the manager’s idea of what it’s to be but it’s the underlings who always try and find a way to undermine the entire experience. And that’s what you have here. The voiceover is a bit too Yankee for my liking, this after all an English film, and the choice of music for the background is quite discordant from what’s happening on the screen but you are, however, introduced to the colorful blend of co-workers on this trip. Keep your eye out for the Unexpected Perks guy. Lucky sod, he is.

Then Survival pops up on the screen.

Without so much as a warning we’re thrusted into this new world of kill or be killed. I was a bit confused, still am, about whether some people IN the company are out to kill each other or whether these are forest people just out to kill those AT the company. Regardless, and points are going to be deducted for having to make me think of what the right answer is, the flourish of a flame thrower, an RPG that goes rogue and a bus that flips onto its side after a wicked correction on the road is sweet enough to put me back in my place.

What follows from here is just a wetworks and attrition of the greatest degree. People seem to be devolving right in front of us, others are killing people in their shirts and neckties and, curiously enough, we aren’t allowed in on the secret of who provoked and is sustaining the campaign of death on these people.

Sometimes it’s better not knowing and in the case of this trailer it’s a lot like knowing when the company’s going under: not knowing when it’s coming can be a lot more entertaining.

QSE News: 4/27/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:52 pm

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgCrooner/Thespian Snoop Dogg has been denied entry into Australia due to his extensive criminal record. Earlier this year Dogg was not allowed a visa to perform in England. To protest the Australian government’s refusal to allow him into the country, Dogg says he will not “smoke anything from that country until they let me in.” Australian agricultural exports, especially the crop known as “Down Under Wonder Bud,” are expected to take a major hit.
  • Fox has announced that they have pulled the mid-season drama Drive after only two episodes. Drive, a rip off of the hit film Smokey and the Bandit 3, never seemed to click with an audience. To fill the show’s time slot, Fox has ordered another show that it will cancel after only a few airings.
  • Filming on the Batman Begins sequel, The Dark Knight, had to be halted on Tuesday when a fire broke out on roof of the building the crew was using. The fire only prevented filming for a few hours, and when it was cleaned up, production resumed. Investigators are looking into what caused the blaze but claim that reports of Richard Simmons being sighted on the roof are “completely false.”
  • Geek God, David Goyer, has signed on to helm a film based on the popular X-Men villain Magneto. The film will tell the back story of Magneto as well as his relationship with Charles Xavier. Goyer has promised the film will delve into the attraction between Magento’s [EXPLETIVE DELETED] and Charles Xavier’s [EXPLETIVE DELETED].

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 4/27/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:52 pm

thingamabobs.jpg

The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Comedy, thy name is Batman: Defenders of the Night(Thingamabob)
  • The late, lamented Dinner For Five, hosted by Kevin Smith, and featuring guests Jason Lee, Stan Lee, Mark Hamill and JJ Abrams(Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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Music For The Masses: 4/26/07

Filed under: Columns,Music for the Masses — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:16 am

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Welcome back again, my friends, to a brand-spanking, new and improved edition of Music for the Masses. Now, with 10% more girth!! So”¦ did you enjoy the trip down memory lane last week? I sure did. You see, since I didn’t have to “waste” actual time writing a new column, I was able to coach my buddy Alec Baldwin on how to better communicate with his daughter. According to him, she’s a real handful. So you know what I says to him? Why I says “Look Alec”¦ don’t take any more of her bullshit. Teach her who’s the boss. Teach her who her daddy is. You know what they say, Alec”¦ spare the rod, spoil the child!” Boy, I can’t wait to catch up with him later this week and find out if he took my advice and how that conversation went! I’m guessing well!! If not, though, I’ll have to tell him how he can remind her of his love and keep her in line with wire hangers”¦ or a rabbit-punch to the kidneys.

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Don’t make daddy angry”¦ you wouldn’t like daddy when he’s angry.

 

But hey, enough about all that folks for we have a full stack of reviews to get to today. Up first, we check in with the brilliant new release from one of my all-time favorite bands, Rush. Afterwards, Double A checks in with the latest from Madlib and a freshman Liberal Arts major proffers an opinion on the latest from Good Charlotte.

Sound like fun? Well, you ungrateful little pigs, what do you say we find out?

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Artist: Rush

Album: Snakes and Arrows

Sounds Like: Another clinic in “musicianship” from “the masters” that won’t be heard by a fucking soul because a) most of you don’t live in Canada were “the Man” dictates that 40% of the radio/tv content be Canadian in origin and b) you more than likely think this is “your father’s music.” Silly fuck-tards.

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Anne Murray”¦ Greatest American Hero”¦ 8th Grade Shop Teacher.

I’m sure some of you may recall me saying that the greatest thing to come out of Canada was Anne Murray. Of course, I was just pulling your leg like Paul McCartney getting Heather Mills ready for a good, hard fucking. A complete and total joke, people! Although Anne Murray is highly regarded in Canada by the same people who have, in the past, “highly regarded” “comedian” Tom Greene and “singer” Corey Hart, she’s done nothing more for me outside of being a “chick” that bears an uncanny resemblance to my 8th grade shop teacher, Mr. Trodick (I swear on all that is holy that was his name). In fact, I haven’t verified this, but I am guessing that they are one in the same and that “she,” too, has only 2 fingers remaining on her left hand from a drunken dance with a table saw. One day, Mr. Murray”¦ one day. We WILL learn the truth.

You see, if I had been being serious here, you would now know that the best things to come out of Canada are those tasty french fries, with a name that sounds a hell of a lot like “poon tang,” covered in brown gravy and chunks of what appears to be “FromUnda” cheese”¦

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Fresh from the fry cook’s butthole area to your mouth”¦

*Quick digression and no-shit true story… the first time I ever had these things, at a Rush show in Toronto believe it or not, I thought the Canadians were playing a trick on me for all the crap I’ve written about them in these articles. “Oh, ha ha”¦” I thought. “Funny Canucks squirting chocolatey poo-juice on my french fries and adding your ‘taint pickings! Ha ha!” Of course, that didn’t stop me from putting those fried ‘taters in my mouth (DAMN YOU, ORAL FIXATION!!!!) and holy crap”¦ I’m glad I did. Those fries are like crack (no pun intended)”¦ covered in gravy”¦ and “FromUnda” cheese.*

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And the other most-bestest thing to come out of that godforsaken country to the nort’ is the progressive rock band, Rush. In fact, as I’m sitting here writing this, I have on my original “2112” concert tee. Yeah”¦ rocking it old school”¦ dork style. Hey, fuck off”¦ not like I’m getting ready to play D&D in mom’s basement after this. I live on my own, dammit. I have my own basement now.

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Now, to say that I was greatly looking forward to this new album, Snakes and Arrows, is an understatement akin to saying that R. Kelley only “kinda” likes to pee on people or Michael Jackson only “sorta” likes to wear young boys like class rings. See, as far as I’m concerned, May 1st, the date the new Rush album is released, should be a national holiday. In fact, I’m proposing it right now. May 1st, to me and hundreds of thousands of Rush fans around the world and mostly in Brazil will now be, at least, an official holiday. We’ll call it Rush-ashana”¦or Rush-mas”¦or, hell, I don’t know”¦ Uno de Mayo? Whatever.

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And make no mistake, Rush fans and people that SHOULD be Rush fans, May 1st will be a day of great celebration for it will be filled with cake and porn (hey”¦ it’s my fucking holiday, I’ll make the rules. K?) and some phenomenal new music for May 1st will be a day when this amazing trio unleashes it’s best album in over 20 years (read: since Power Windows, circa 1985). Yeah, Rush fans”¦ you read that correctly. Bring it on, bitches. You want to dance? Oh, we can dance! We can dance.

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Good lord”¦ I wish I was wearing THAT Rush shirt”¦ with her still in it.

 

The reason I say this? Well, aside from the overall strength of all the tracks on this album in both melody and complexity, Snakes & Arrows is easily the best produced Rush disc in years. There is not a “Dog Years” on this mother fucker AND the mix doesn’t sound like it was done in the bottom of a Port-a Potty. Take a bow, Mr. Nick Raskulinecz of Foo Fighters fame. You done good, son. You done good. Nothing like hiring a Rush fan to mix a Rush album, eh, hosers?

Yes, unlike the last studio outing, the muddy and uneven Vapor Trails, Snakes & Arrows marks a return to form for this band in both production quality and musicality.

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You fiddlin’ with my knob?

With searing and crisp delivery and an accessibility that defies most Rush albums, EVERY track on this bitch is a winner. Sure, some tracks are more accessible than others to the casual listener, like the Oingo Boingo-esque, “The Larger Bowl” (just listen to that arpegiated chord progression during the verse”¦ Boingo all the way, baby!), the country-fried, Alex-centrique instrumental, “Hope,” and, of course, the first, melodically driving single “Far Cry,” but dig deep and you hard core fans can be rewarded with songs like the ass-kicking, Geddy/Neil showcase of “Malignant Narcissism” and one of the strongest tracks this band has EVER recorded (and one of Neil’s personal favorites) “We Hold On.” Good shit, all around people. Seriously.

Quite simply, if you are a fan of Tool, Porcupine Tree or even Pink Floyd and have previously avoided Rush as being too “obtuse,” give them another chance. This is your disc. If you are a casual fan of the band, give in to temptation and reward yourself by checking out this entire disc. You won’t be disappointed. If you are not a fan of this band, well”¦fuck you. I hate you with the hate of a 1,000 Oprahs. You make my heart cry and my anus bleed. Keep pining for that new Linkin’ Park disc, “friend.” It’s coming soon and I’m sure that it will be *COUGH* brilliant.

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I bet”¦

If, for some reason, you are still not sold on checking this disc out, allow me to put it in the vernacular of my fellow Rush fans/D&D freaks”¦ Rush may have -3 Charisma, but they are minstrels with +21 Dexterity and you would be forgoing the Chalice of Everlasting Orgasms if you miss this puppy. Know what I’m saying?

Now, if you’ll excuse me”¦ I’m off to “roll the old 12-sided die””¦ if you catch my drift”¦

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I have mace? Ha! That’s what SHE said!

 

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Up till now, I’ve really dug what I’ve heard come out of Madlib. Granted, I’ve only heard one cd and a handful of songs, but every one of those has been pretty damn good. Unfortunately that streak seems to have hit a wall. Now when I say hit a wall, I mean that the streak was riding in a car without a seatbelt when the streak’s girlfriend asked him why they weren’t married yet. Well you know the streak and you know that he’s not ready to settle down to one piece of poon tang, so he brushes his girl off. Well the streak’s girlfriend gets all pissed off and emotional, like chicks do, and crashes the car into a wall. Since the streak wasn’t wearing his seatbelt, he flies thru the window and hits the wall himself. You see what I’m getting at here? No? Damn, I was never very good at metaphors. Or is that a simile? Who the hell cares? All I know is that this new album from Madlib isn’t all that great. That thing about the streak and his girlfriend. Um, yeah, about that. That’s a story for another time. Moving on.

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This album, Time Out Presents The Other Side: Los Angeles, is kinda hard to describe. It’s credited as a Madlib disc, but a lot of the tracks are instrumentals with other peoples names on them. The disc also skips from genre to genre. There’s straight up rap songs on it, there’s some that lean more towards the reggae and there are some that feature hard core jazz noodling. Yes, I said “hard core jazz noodling,” deal with it. For the most part, the album probably isn’t bad, it’s just not what I was expecting, so I think that my opinion might be a bit tainted. That might be why this album initially squeaked in under my radar. I didn’t know it was coming out until I saw it actually sitting on the shelf.

Aside from the disappointment of the album not living up to my hopes and expectations, there are some pretty good songs on this album. MED’s song “What It Do” is a damn fine song. This track sounds like the Madlib that I thought I knew. The beats are tight as are the flows by rappers MED and Poke. Then there’s the collaboration with beat pioneer J. Dilla (R.I.P. Dilla!) that is short but insanely groovy. But these few bright spots only serve as beacons in an otherwise boring album. Even the track by the mostly reliable and entertaining Quasimoto (an alias of Madlib) fails to hit that special bar that he has hit before.

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Like I said, this album is probably pretty good, if you listen to it in the right frame of mind. I was expecting a cd full of bumpin raps. Instead I get a mix and mash of a ton of different styles. Over time, I’m sure my pleasure in listening to this album will grow, but after the first few listens, all I can say is “eh?” Oh and the cd also comes with a DVD by Peanut Butter Wolf, taking the viewer on a visual tour of Los Angeles. I haven’t watched it yet. What? I got too much porn to watch.

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REVIEWS BY”¦

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A College Freshman Majoring in Liberal Arts

Artist: Good Charlotte

Album: Good Morning Revivial

As I was walking across campus to my “Feminist Indian Poetry in the 20th Century” class the other day, I was enjoying an internal monologue and just thinking to myself “Good Charlotte are so”¦ lame. Anyone that listens to them is immature”¦and stupid.” And so is their new album.

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I mean, sure I used to listen to them when I was in high school but that was sooo forever ago. Now that I’ve matured, my musical tastes have become more sophisticated. I listen to “real” music now like the Shins and Death Cab For Cutie. Okay, I’ll listen to a little bit of Fall Out Boy but that’s about as “high school” as I get these days because high school was lame and it sucked and everyone in it was so immature”¦ and stupid.

Okay, I’ll admit it”¦ actually, I didn’t listen to the new Good Charlotte CD. I had a test in “Rhetorical Lesbian Rantings of the Late 19th Century” and I just didn’t have the time. But I’ll guarantee that it is immature and stupid. In fact, this girl in my “Television in Society: From Dick Van Dyke to Friends” class said something about liking this group, Bright Eyes, so I’ve been listening to them a lot lately. At first I didn’t like it but the more I listen, the more I think I like it. That and this girl is really mature and way hot so I have to hurry up and like this. Man, she is really super smart. She reads Joyce for fun. For fun!! I think I love this girl.

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So yeah”¦ Good Charlotte. Totally lame. Like my “Economics” class, “Chemistry” or “Business Ethics.” I mean, if you’re some stupid, immature high school kid, I guarantee that you will totally eat this album up. But then again, what do you know? You’re just a kid. Mark my words, once you grow up and go to college, you’ll realize just how immature you were and you, too, will like bands like Bright Shins. I mean Bright Eyes.

Let’s face it, high school kids just don’t get it. You just haven’t lived enough yet. God, what I would give to go back to high school knowing now what I didn’t know then. I mean, with what I’ve learned in this last semester in my “Knowing Nietzsche” class alone”¦hell, I’d rule that school. And I’d like to see those popular kids kick my ass after I whip out a little Gertrude Stein on their feeble minds. Their immature asses would just sit there”¦trembling. But whatever. Now that I’m in college and things are totally different, I don’t even care about high school anymore and stupid, immature bands like Good Charlotte. I just don’t have the time to be listening to stuff like that anymore.

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At any rate, I’d give this new Good Charlotte one immature high school kid out of a possible five. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m late for my “Radical Thinking in Children’s Literature” class.

Well, friends, there’s another one in the bank. Until next time, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud.

Send pictures of your 8th grade shop teacher, review copies, assorted hate mail and presents to:

M. C. Bell
P.O. Box
1222
Arvada
, CO 80001

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

April 25, 2007

QSE News: 4/26/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:55 pm

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgModel turned gold digger Heather Mills was finally voted off of the TV show Dancing With The Stars on Tuesday.  Mills, the former wife of Sir Paul McCartney, has been facing elimination for the past several weeks before finally getting the axe.  When asked for comment, a teary eyed Mills exclaimed “I did the best I could, but the competition just had a leg up on me.”
  • It has been announced that Rosie O’Donnell will be leaving her gig at The View. The morbidly obese O’Donnell wasn’t happy with the new contract that ABC was offering and opted to leave the show.  According to sources, ABC offered the porcine princess a $15 million contract but refused to meet O’Donnell’s demand for a “lifetime supply of tasty Hostess snack cakes” clause.
  • Spinal Tap is reuniting for a Live Earth concert at London’s Wembley Stadium. The original members, guitarist Nigel Tufnel (Christopher Guest), singer David St. Hubbins (Michael McKean) and bassist Derek Smalls (Harry Shearer), will all take part in the reunion. Not surprisingly, the promoters are having issues finding a drummer who isn’t afraid to spontaneously combust or explode at the end of the band’s set.
  • George Lucas and Mark Hamill have been tapped to lend their voices for an upcoming episode of Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim show Robot Chicken. The episode will be dedicated to Star Wars, with Lucas providing the voice of cartoon version of himself, while Hamill will reprise the role of Luke Skywalker… in cartoon form. The producers of the show were allowed to parody Star Wars in return for all marketing and future editing rights.

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 4/26/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:51 pm

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Video podcasts are now available for Have I Got News For You. Brilliant… (Thingamabob)
  • Which joins the vodcasts available for both Doctor Who(Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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QSE News: 4/25/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:53 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgFall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz has gathered some of his buddies to open a new club in New York City. Wentz will be opening his club, Angels & Kings, next week. The “high concept” club will allow patrons to fully immerse themselves in the Pete Wentz experience by applying mascara, hopping into a booth built for one, wishing they were loved by someone and pretending that they’re punk.
  • In music news, The Raconteurs are in the studio recording a new album. The band, fronted by Jack White and three other guys that are not Jack White, has 12 songs already written for the album. White said that while he maintains his role in both the Raconteurs and The White Stripes, all this work will force him to cut back on banging hot chicks and his planned drug/alcohol induced meltdowns.
  • It has been announced that the upcoming Simpsons movie will feature a scene that has full frontal nudity of 10-year old boy Bart Simpson.  When asked to comment about the scene, the creators claimed that they only did it to entice the elusive pedophile demographic “back out to theaters since Harry Potter is too old now.”  Michael Jackson is also said to be very excited to see the film.
  • In continued Simpsons news, Universal Studios is set to unveil a new ride based on the popular cartoon. The attraction will be a motion simulator that takes riders on a tour through the fictional Simpson hometown of Springfield. Amusement Park aficionados are excited by the news but have also cautioned that the ride “just isn’t as good as it was 10 years ago.”

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 4/25/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:51 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Nothing makes me feel better than a little Rocky & Bullwinkle… (Thingamabob)
  • And then there’s Raging Bullwinkle(Thingamabob)
  • Well, you’ve got to recoup that obscene budget somehow… (Thingamabob)
  • All I have to say is “Right on, Roger, and I hope your recovery is speedy”… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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April 24, 2007

Toy Box: Hagrid & Mad Eye Moody mini-busts

Filed under: Columns,Toy Box — admin @ 2:12 am

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Harry Potter kicks ass. Really. The books might not be grammatically, syntactically, or structurally the finest pieces of fiction ever produced by humans, but they’re damn fun to read. Ms. Rowlings snagged on a formula that works, and not the least important aspect of this formula is how the books grow in complexity and darken in tone as they move forward, just as her young readers age.

While all the films haven’t been quite as good, they’ve done an admirable job telling the story in that medium. The international trailer is out for Order of the Phoenix, and it looks fantastic. Anticipation is certainly running high for this film, and with other major blockbusters hitting this summer like Spidey and Jack Sparrow, this is likely to be a record setting box office year.

Gentle Giant began making their line of Harry Potter busts about a 18 months ago, and they’ve given us some good, and some amazing. The latest release is just hitting, and includes lovable but huge Hagrid, and much smaller and a whole lot less lovable Mad Eye Moody. Retail on these is around $45, just like the rest of the series.

Gentle Giant Hagrid/Mad Eye Moody Busts

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If you’ve been buying these from the start, you’re collection is starting to round out pretty nicely. These two make busts twelve and thirteen (or thirteen and fourteen, if you count the convention exclusive repainted Sirius), with all the major characters (Harry, Hermione, Ron, Dumbledore, Snape, and Hagrid) having a bust, along with a few secondary characters (Sirius, Dementor, Deatheaters, Moody) and some visually interesting C string characters (Nearly Headless Nick, Dobby) to round it out. Next up is Voldemort and the Riddle gravesite (should be out in the next month), with an older Harry, Cho Chang, and Malfoy all hitting this summer.

And for those interested in numbers, both of these are limited editions (of course), with 2000 made of Hagrid, and 1750 made of Moody. These are small edition sizes, especially considering the overall popularity of the line so far.

Packaging – ***
Both come in the standard Potter boxes, with window – a big plus! The box for Hagrid is also huge, at least twice as wide as the regular boxes due to his expanded girth and separate hands. They include the nifty little baseball card sized Certificates of Authenticity as well.

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Sculpting – ****
It can be tricky at times to pull Sculpt and Paint apart. The final result depends on both so heavily, and one can effect the other so much, that seeing where one ends and the other starts is quite the trick.

I think that’s going to be an issue for these two, and Hagrid in particular. Underneath the face and hair paint is a fantastic sculpt, capturing the facial contours and proportions of the character extremely well. There’s also some very nice texturing in the clothing, a complaint on some other Gentle Giant busts, and the small detail work is top notch. The only issue I have with the sculpt itself is the scale, and that’s a fairly minor nit. Hagrid is a huge character on screen, and while this bust is much larger than usual (there’s probably twice the polystone here over the usual adult bust), he’s still not as big as he really should be to be in scale with the rest of the line. However, I fully understand the need for Gentle Giant to try to keep this bust in the same price range as the rest of the series, and to do so required cutting back a bit on the size.

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Moody is also an excellent sculpt. There’s something in there that’s not quite as dead on accurate for me – perhaps the face is a little thinner than I expected – but I’m not sure that’s so much the sculpt as the paint. He has some wonderful work on the mad eye, and the facial scarring (especially on the right cheek) is really, really impressive. His outfit is also quite detailed, and while there isn’t quite as much texturing as with Hagrid, he does sport more than the usual GG bust.

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Both of these sculpts are near the top of the series, capturing the characaters extremely well. But I suspect that the next category causes them a couple issues when it comes to convincing everyone of that fact.

Paint – ***
Don’t get me wrong – the paint work here isn’t awful. In fact, most of it is extremely clean, especially the work done on their costumes. There’s even some excellent weathering added to Moody’s outer coat that looks terrific. Ah, but the faces…

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Hagrid’s sculpt is held back a bit by the paint work on his face. The edge of the hair line, where the face and mane meet, is the biggest problem. It’s tough to get that line to be realistic, and companies have tried lots of tricks. In the end, it is the one spot that detracts from the realism of the sculpt the most, making it all the more obvious that this is a painted bust, not a real person.

His skin tone is a bit wonky as well, with a little too much variation. He has sort of an odd tan thing going on, and the mottling hurts the realism as well.

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Moody is another tough one to pull off. The scarring is pretty good, and the uninjured eye looks great. The hair and skin colors are a little too close together though, and blondes are always tough to do right. The paint work on his hands is a little gloppy and thick, but my biggest issue is that the pupil and iris of his fake eye are a squidge too small. Just a little is obvious even in this scale, and the smaller size makes the eye less bizarre and scary looking.

Design – ***1/2
Hagrid has the advantage over Moody – he’s been in the films since the very beginning. The choices for design for him are far greater, but Moody fights back by having one Hell of a bizarre appearance.

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Fans of the films will recognize Hagrid from the first film, as he takes Ron, Hermione, Harry and Malfoy into the woods to search for the killer of the unicorns. Hagrid took with him the lantern and the cross bow, both being carried by him at this point. His hands are removable, carrying the bow in his right and the lantern in his left. The sculpt is dynamic without being over done, and matches extremely well with the scene from the film.

The big plus here is that the lamp actually lights up! Push a small button on the bottom, and viola – let there be light! It glows with a soft blue light, and looks terrific in a darkened room. Adding in this clearly more expensive detail on a bust that’s already much larger than the others was something I hadn’t expected them to pull off.

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Moody isn’t quite as classic (at least I can’t pick out this exact screen moment from memory), but the pose works well. He’s leaning on his wooden walking stick, staring off center from his body. While the general pose isn’t too dynamic, his funky eye actually moves within the patch, and can be posed staring in any direction! That’s a huge plus, and quite a nice addition to the basic bust design.

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Value – Moody ***; Hagrid ***1/2
Retail on these is $50, the same as previous releases. However, you’ll find them at most places around $45, and some (with links below) even have them as cheap as $40. Generally, at $45 I’d give a regular release **1/2 stars in this category. But with these two guys, you’re getting some extras. Moody has his cool moving eye, and moving parts is something you don’t generally get in a mini-bust. And Hagrid isn’t just huge compared to the other busts, but he has a very effective light up feature, all for the same price as the much smaller and less complex busts like Hermione. Now that’s a value!

Things to Watch Out For –
Obviously, you’ll want to take your time inserting the hands on Hagrid. The pegs are made from resin as well, and can be broken or chipped if you’re careless. Once they’re on though, they stay on, and I’ve leave them that way. If you’re handling the bust though, don’t forget that they ARE a separate piece and can fall off. That would be very bad.

Moody has some minor issues with his eye. Moving it can be tough, especially if it gets too far over to one side. The slightly elevated pupil can stick a bit on the edge. Take your time with it, as scratching it is a distinct possibility. Again, I got it in a place I liked it and left it there once I was done with the photos.

Overall – ***1/2
I have tons of mini-busts in my collection for every conceivable license from companies like Palisades, and Sideshow, and Bowen, and Diamond Select, and many others. Very rarely am I a completist in any of them, and even the Gentle Giant Star Wars line, which I have *almost* all of, I feel no real compunction to complete.

But the Harry Potter line has been extremely well handled so far, with generally excellent sculpts for what is predominately a human based license. It’s always easier to do monsters than it is to do real people, and yet GG has shown that they can do amazing work with this series. This is one series that I’ll be doing my damndest to complete, and I suggest that if you are interested in these, you pick them up sooner rather than later. Very few of the previous releases are still available, and I’m betting Hagrid ends up being a tough one to find very shortly.

Scoring Recap –
Packaging – ***
Sculpt – ****
Paint – ***
Design – ***1/2
Value – Moody ***; Hagrid ***1/2
Overall – ***1/2

Where to Buy –
Lots of online options:

Fireside Collectibles has them for just $40 each.

Alter Ego Comics has them both for $42.50.

CornerStoreComics has them for $43 each.

Andrew’s Toyz also has them in, at $45 each.

Related Links –
I have a fair share of Harry reviews:

– there are my reviews of the other Gentle Giant busts including Ron and Hermione, Snape and Dumbledore, Dobby and the Dementor, and both Deatheaters and Nearly Headless Nick, and I have a guest review of Harry and Sirius.

– don’t forget the new action figures from NECA!

QSE News: 4/24/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:08 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgActor Crispin Glover has been cast in the lead role of the indie horror movie The I Scream Man.  Glover, best known for his role as George McFly in the Back to the Future movies, will play an ice cream man who takes out vengeance on a small town.  In related new, actor Danny Glover still can’t get a damn taxi.
  • The brains (and most of the talent) behind the Gorillaz has said there won’t be another album from the fictional group, however there may be a soundtrack. Damon Albarn said that he is currently working on a film featuring the cartoon members of the band and continued to say that an accompanying soundtrack will be produced. The plot of the movie is said to be “autobiographical in nature,” with the band being continually confused with the band Bush, and how they deal with that on a day to day basis.
  • Russell Simmons, co-founder of the hip-hop label Def Jam Records, is lobbying the recording industry to stop using certain words he has deemed “extreme curse words.”  Simmons said that three words in particular, “H*,” “B***h” and “N****r” should never be used in a recording and has asked the industry to police itself.  If this action succeeds, it is expected that Simmons will next go after the words “A*s L****r,” “F*****g” and “X*******e.”

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 4/24/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:04 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • With The Producers ending its Broadway run, here’s a clip from the original classic… (Thingamabob)
  • And a peek behind the scenes of the cast album recording… (Thingamabob)
  • A sketch from the 1982 Cambridge Footlights Revue, featuring Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie, Tony Slattery and Penny Dwyer(Thingamabob)
  • If you can’t smoke it, kick it to death… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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