HOLLYWOOD – There’s so little time now between Oscar nomination morning and the ceremony. A month to exploit the industry award? Having the ceremony before the east coast spring thaw is stupid. We all should bask in warmth as the Golden Man is passed around at the Kodak. This early ceremony takes the tension out of March. Plus it robs Variety a month of “For Your Consideration” ads.
I was quite shocked to read in Variety that the Oscar nomination process isn’t even close to “fair” for people who send in their ballots. I have in the past voted for the Oscar thanks to Academy members who were more into their free videos than choosing a winner. None of the members knew how their nomination ballots were really counted. For those who don’t know, members are only allowed to nominate five names for categories within their craft and Best Picture. This means editors don’t get to nominate Best Actor. Now when the final ballot is sent out, you get to vote for everything except maybe Best Foreign and short films. You have to prove you saw the selections.
For years, whenever we talk about the nomination process, most people thought that somehow a great performance was snubbed because it lacked votes. But there’s a chance that a film did have enough votes, but not the right kind of votes. What they’ve done since 1936 is only count the first choices instead of all five names a voter lists on his nomination ballots for each category. The accountants take the number of voters in a branch and divide it by six. Once a film reaches that number on the first choices, it receives a nomination. The first choice ballots for the film after it hits the magic number now go to the film listed as second choice. This goes on until they have five winners. This is a ballot counting process that only Norm Coleman can love.
If a film or performance doesn’t get listed as a first choice on any ballots- it will not be one of the five nominees. Your favorite film could be on everybody’s ballot, but if everyone just listed it as #2, it gets shut out. Maybe that’s what happened to Dark Knight and The Wrestler?
This isn’t about five choices with the most total votes getting listed as the nominees. The first five names to reach the lucky number get the nomination. It’s a land rush and not an election. A film’s fate rests completely in how Price Waterhouse shuffles and deals the ballots. I feel cheated.
This process also explains why nobody has a clue at how close a film came to being nominated. There’s no hard numbers to leak out.
The Academy Awards nomination voting is as messed up as the Emmys, Grammys and Golden Globes. All these years it seemed like they were selected like sports writer’s vote on the Top 25 college football teams. The top choice got 5 points and the fifth choice got a point. The accountants do a little math and out pops the Top Five films for a shot at the Oscar. But no! Should we have really expected different from an industry that can make Forrest Gump look like a money losing film?
To watch all the Oscar predictors talk about the nominees and snubs this morning without mentioning this tally nonsense makes them look like complete schmucks.
Let’s have a quick rundown on how the deck dealt out.
I’m not a big fan of technical awards since they require technology. The big battle will be in Best Cinematography. You have The Dark Knight going against Slumdog Millionaire. It’s two ends of the camera spectrum. The action scenes in Dark Knight were shot using Imax cameras. Slumdog went Hi-Def along with 35mm. Will the voters be swayed by the big image or the digital revolution? Seeing how Academy members will be blown away by The Dark Knight Blu-ray when it shifts to 16:9 for the Imax moments, this might be the Dark Knight’s big shining moment.
When it comes to Best Supporting actor, the breakdown is simple. Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road will be the guy happy to be at the party. Philip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt won it all too recently to gather the downgrade vote. Isn’t he the star of this film? He got Bill Macy’d. Robert Downey Jr., Tropic Thunder will get a nice victory lap, but voters won’t go the full retard for his blacked up routine. Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight is the sentimental choice. He’s the tragic image of an actor that took a fatal wrong step. I wouldn’t be shocked if he won, but odds are against him from the ugliness brewing on “who can accept his award.” Be nice if his daughter could. But the Academy doesn’t want to see a rugby scrum on the stage. The guy who is in the catbird seat is Josh Brolin, Milk. He’s finally on a high profile hot streak with W., No Country for Old Men and American Gangster.
Best Supporting Actress is a major toss up. Amy Adams and Viola Davis will cancel each other out with their Doubt duet. Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona should have locked down this action since Woody Allen films used to own this category. But Woody doesn’t quite have that mojo anymore. Taraji P. Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button could get an Obama bounce. She had the hard work of making Brad Pitt look good as an old man. The spoiler of the night will be Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler. It’s been 16 years since she won for My Cousin Vinny. There was a nasty rumor that she didn’t really win her Oscar. Supposedly Jack Palance accidentally read Tomei’s name off the teleprompter instead of Vanessa Redgrave’s name on the card. This is the Academy’s chance to prove that Marisa deserves to be known as an Oscar winner without a smug look from Rex Reed. Also doesn’t hurt that she’s topless in a scene. Older voters will appreciate this Blu-ray pausing moment.
Best Actress should be a lock. Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married might have won if Bernie Madoff hadn’t stolen all those millions from Kevin Bacon, Steven Spielberg and Eric Roth. The voters will remember that she was screwing a Euro conman who took millions from people. They’ll also remember she starred in Get Smart. They want to make this sweetheart a winner like Cate and Gwenie, but it’s guilt by association. Angelina Jolie, Changeling is a nomination to boost the red carpet show ratings. They also suspect she’ll adopt Dakota Fanning at the Governor’s Dinner. Melissa Leo, Frozen River should focus on using this time to land movie parts without auditioning. Go on every talkshow and make sure my mom can identify you. Kate Winslet, The Reader could have been the lock of the night – if she had been nominated for Revolutionary Road. This film shows what happens when Harvey Weinstein gets back in the awards game. This was supposed to be a supporting role. She’s going to get another Susan Lucci moment. Call it Abba fever, but Meryl Streep, Doubt is my pick. They love the woman. It’s been 25 years since she won her second Oscar. She’s had 10 nominations since then. The penguin role will make her finally go home a winner once more.
Best Actor will be a lumberjack match. Richard Jenkins, The Visitor was a tribute to his work in Stepbrothers. Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon and Sean Penn, Milk will loose their voters as they crash from election burnout. Plus voters won’t remember which character wanted to sodomize Americans more. Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is the first animated actor to receive a nomination. Half the film is a CGI mask of his face put on other actors. The more the magic of Button gets exposed, the greater chance he has to be written off as a tool. Like Angelina, he’s here to pep up the red carpet show. The winner should be Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler if he doesn’t disqualify himself with too many freakish interviews. A coma might be a great campaign move for him at this moment. I do think the comeback angle is overplayed. Wasn’t his comeback captured in Sin City and Domino?
Best Director has a quick winner. Clint Eastwood, Changeling isn’t as good as El Camino. But directors want to support people who make period pieces. Stephen Daldry, The Reader has received a best director nomination for all three of his feature films. Yet he can’t get a good seat a Chuck E. Cheese. David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button just doesn’t feel sweeping enough. Old academy members still hate Fight Club. No Gump love for this tale. Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon would have won if he hadn’t already pulled one out for A Beautiful Mind. The night will be won by Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire if old Academy codgers don’t connect him with Trainspotting. Most of the moldering voters will think he’s somehow an Indian guy.
Best Film is also lined up to be an international moment. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button lacks the passion that dupes voters. The Reader hasn’t created that much of a buzz. It’s just there. Frost/Nixon and Milk have white politicians. They’re so 2004. The winner should be Slumdog Millionaire. If the movie crowd can support a heartwarming film about a TV show, it’s a lock. If unemployed academy members realize how much work they’ve lost thanks to lame reality TV, there might be trouble. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire launched the network’s anti-stars campaign. How many reality shows were launched from this gameshow?
Ultimately the lack of The Dark Knight and Wall-E for Best Picture will cost in the ratings. But it’s not like Academy members didn’t really not put these movies on their nomination ballots.
HAIR DAY
Why is Katie Couric transforming into Suze Orman? Does this mean Katie won’t let me buy my robot?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sG0NDGofXO0
STOP THE HOUSE FROM SHAKING
I thought I’d be able to finish my article about life on a cruise ship, but I’ve become seasick on flat ground. I feel the waves beneath my feet. Once this crazy motion weirdness passes, I’ll give you the lowdown on hitting the waves for a vacation.
CRUISING
Since there’s no way we can give away a luxury cruise, the Party Favors is pleased to give away 5 copies of The Love Boat: Season Two, Volume One. There’s 12 hours of high seas hijinks in this boxset that’s being provided by the fine folks at CBS DVD. In order to win, you only have to guess what was my bar tab was at the end of a cruise to the Bahamas? The cruise was a week long. Send you guess to mokaha@aol.com by Jan. 30. Remember to include your name, address and next of kin in case you are lost at sea. The five closest guesses will receive a brand new copy of The Love Boat: Season Two, Volume One. The worst guess will have to pay my bar tab. Everyone can enter except my family, Isaac, Gopher, Doc, Julie and Captain Stubbing. Remember that you can only enter once. We can spot you stuffing the box.
BLU-RAY HEAVEN
Friday 13th Uncut Blu-ray finally brings the original cut of slasher film to America. Now don’t get too excited with dreams of an 8 hour cut. It’s only 11 seconds of gore that’s been returned to four murder scenes. I’m not giving away who dies. Thankfully fans of Jason can now see Tom Savini’s horrifying effect undiluted. That shocking vision is now captured in 1080p. The carnage is in full effect as the body count racks up. There’s also lots of bonus features that discuss what went into making America’s favorite hockeymask wearing undead slasher. There’s a Deluxe Edition DVD for those who haven’t upgraded. The sequels however are only in Deluxe Edition DVDs.
Friday 13th Part 2 – Deluxe Edition brings back Jason. This time he’s out to slash a new batch of campers at Camp Crystal Lake. Do these kids do zero research on why there are so many job openings? There’s got to be a reason for the high turnover. Friday the 13 Part 3 3-D Deluxe Edition is actually in 3-D. They’ve got glasses in the box so you can feel the slaughter coming at you. Remember to duck when the machete comes out of your TV screen. This time Jason goes after a motorcycle gang that interrupts his pursuit of Dana Kimmel. Jason gains his hockey mask in this installment. Get to understand the original material before you take in the updated remake coming out in February.
DVD SHELF
The Love Boat: Season Two, Volume One keeps up the cruising comedy. How can you not laugh when Miss Jane Hathaway (Nancy Kulp of The Beverly Hillbillies) is begging for a kiss from Billy Crystal? The Love Boat is a series that really causes you to not overthink. The season launches with Dick Martin taking over the boat after John Astin (Addams Family) takes Captain Stubbing hostage in “Marooned.” Sonny Bono sneaks aboard to stage an insurance scam. One strange plot has Tony Tennille attempting “Muskrat Love” with Robert Reed (Brady Bunch). Why is she working without the Captain? Billy Barty goes nuts with the short jokes. Vincent Price is the prize star of the Halloween special.
Cheers: The Final Season (The Eleventh Season) puts an end to the saga of the bar where everyone knew your name. The show didn’t stumble after last call. There are plenty of great moments in these victory lap episodes. The season gets off to a flaming start in “The Little Match Girl.” Guess who burns down the bar? “The Beer Is Always Greener” has Carla get work at a corporate theme bar. She wants to hate the place, but it pays better that Sam. “The King of Beers” has Norm get his dream job at a brewery. How can this go wrong? Just let Rebecca talk to him. “Bar Wars VII: The Naked Prey” has Sam hire Harry Anderson to pull a stunt on Gary’s Olde Towne Tavern. The finale “One For the Road” still plays too long as a wrap up episode. Sometimes a show shouldn’t really end. Fans will be disappointed that the post-finale special hosted with Jay Leno has been left off. The cast was so drunk that they probably want us to forget that night.
Becker: The Second Season reminds us that Ted Danson did have life after Cheers. He’s the cranky doctor who thinks the best medicine is two doses of “Shut Yer Trap!” He spends his days ducking out of the clinic and pestering the woman (Terry Farrell) and the blind guy (Alex Desert) running the newspaper stand. They aren’t too charmed to have them be their semi-friend. “Santa On Ice” has a department store St. Nick drop dead in Becker’s waiting room. “One Angry Man” has the doctor unable to get out of jury duty. Then he gets extra ticked off when nobody will pick him to sit in the box. Who wants their life in Dr. Becker’s hands?
Dave’s World: The Second Season is a sophomore helping of Harry Anderson (Night Court) playing Dave Barry. I hate Dave Berry, but I like Harry Anderson. This show plays against my grain. The episodes show us where Dave’s funny columns come from. “A Cut Above the Rest” has Dave considering a vasectomy. Why doesn’t he just use duct tape to prevent leakage? The highlight of the show is checking out the hair of Shadoe Stevens and Meshach Taylor. Did I mention how much I hate Dave Berry? The guy wrote one short “humor” column a week and somehow had to quit his job to devote more time to his family? Was it really that hard of a job? Did it take him that far away from his family like he was an f’n Ice Road Trucker? Want to know why newspapers are dying – cause they hired lame wimps like Dave Barry. I still like Harry Anderson.
The Invaders: The Second Season wraps up this sci-fi series from the ’60s. David Vincent (Roy Thinnes) has discovered that aliens from another planet are infiltrating the human race in a secret takeover. Everyone thinks he’s a nutcase. This second season has a few people realizing that Vincent is onto something. They call him in to investigator the abnormal. “The Spores” has Gene Hackman being an alien ready to plant evil seeds. “Dark Outpost” has Dawn Wells off Gilligan’s Island. “Summit Meeting” brings back Michael Rennie (Day the Earth Stood Still). “The Ransom” unleashes the bizarre eyes of Karen Black. And they even cast black actors with Roscoe Lee Browne (Smiley Face) and Lou Gossett Jr (Iron Eagle) in “The Vise.” Suzanne Pleshette (The Bob Newhart Show) returns as an alien in “The Pursued.” Our favorite actor of all time, Richard Anderson (The Six Million Dollar Man‘s Oscar Goldman) pops up in “The Enemy.” It’s a shame this show only lasted two seasons. The final 27 episodes keep up the intergalactic conspiracy action.
Meerkat Manor: Season Four – The Next Generation shows a transitionary time in the Kalahari. Flower has died and the tribe is now under the control of Rocket Dog. Times have become tough. There’s plenty of splinter groups looking for the good foraging turf. This show probably predicts what will happen to Apple and Disney once Steve Jobs fades from the picture. Stockard Channing now does the narration.
The Great Polar Bear Adventure takes the strange step of mixing live nature footage with CGI. This is not your straight nature flick. They have Howie Mandel giving voice to an arctic fox. It’s almost like the evolution of the Polar Bear after making all those Christmas Coke ads.
60 Minutes Presents Obama: All Access – Barack Obama’s Road to the White House brings together all the footage from our new president’s campaign. Besides giving all his moments on 60 Minutes, they include CBS’s coverage of all the significant moments including his recent inaugural Address. All the big moments are contained on the 2 DVDs in this boxset. It’s perfect gift for the history geek in your life.
Good Day to Be Black and Sexy scored well at last year’s Sundance Film Festival. The movie combines four short films about sexual dynamics. Chonte Harris steals of the show as a mistress who has had it with being the other woman. It’s got a fun and frothy attitude.
Diary of a Tired Black Man is one of those rare films that doesn’t star Tyler Perry. Jimmy Jean-Louis (Heroes) is dealing with the pure confusion of relationships. Things get ugly when his ex-wife catches him dating a white woman. The film has a documentary style so it feels as real as The Hills. Filmmaker Tim Alexander keeps it interesting instead of a lame Maury Povich segment.
Elmo Loves You! is the perfect gift for a little child for Valentine’s Day. What more do they need than a little furry red guy from Sesame Street to explain matters of the heart. What Elmo can’t tackle, Super Grover handles. A pal’s kid goes nuts for the Super Grover. He’s a Muppet superstar. For the grown ups who will have to watch this DVD repeatedly with the young ones, we get visits from John Legend, Trisha Yearwood and R.E.M. Is it safe to let Peter Buck near your children?
Humboldt County brings Fairuza Balk back into our lives. Where has she gone since vanishing from The Sopranos? Well in this film, she’s a nightclub singer. Her innocent wickedness seduces a med school student. She makes a little money on the side being a fake patient at the school. She takes him back home to meet her farming family. Problem is their cash crop is marijuana. Frances Conroy (The mother from Six Feet Under) gets to unwind in the countryside. It’s not the usual weed comedy. Make sure you watch this film with munchies nearby.
Mercury Man is from the action team that put the moves in Ong-Bak– It’s a Thai flavored superhero flick. They attempt a semi-Spider-Man influence as a fire fighter discovers he’s got secret powers. However Peter Parker never had a “sidekick” that’s a post-op tranny. Mercury Man has a cool suit to contain his flame powers. It’s quite fun to see how people in other countries attempt to harness superhero flicks. The fight scenes don’t quite top Ong-Bak.
National Lampoon’s Stoned Age: Unrated is a complete surprise. Adam Rifkin (The Dark Backward) stars, directs and writes a film that crosses a New York memoir with prehistoric action. It’s like Neil Simon’s post Ice Age period. Rifkin’s smart caveman invents stuff in an attempt to outdo his athletic brother. Despite the title, it’s not a complete stoner comedy. His love interest is Ali Larter. She looks stunning wrapped in animal skins. The film has the superstar VH1 duo of Gary Busey and Ron Jeremy. There’s plenty of bonus features including many of the cave girls posing for Penthouse. Bunny Ranch superstar Sunny Lane gets featured time on the screen. Even though she’s covered in fur, there’s no beaver. That’s a bonus worth featuring.
Russell Peters: Red, White and Brown has the comic performing at the WaMu Theater at Madison Square Garden. Hopefully he didn’t invest his sold out box office money on WaMu stock. Peters brings the Asian blend to the stage. He’s Indian and has no problem poking fun of his culture with a routine about cheap Indians. It’s always welcoming to hear a comic that isn’t going to riff for an hour on airplane food. He’s got tales of being in Dubai. He also has a great time poking fun at the various folks in the crowd. No race and culture is spared his wit. There’s extra jokes from when this special aired on Showtime. The boxset includes a CD so you can listen to it while commuting to work.
Are the Oscars As We Know Them Doomed? We Can Only Hope….
