By Christopher Stipp
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So, I was able to sit down for a couple of years and pump out a book. It’s got little to do with movies. Download and read “Thank You, Goodnight” right HERE for free.
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A lot of talk this week about Quentin Tarantino’s newest film screening at Cannes. Consensus? It’s talky, light on action and seems like a WWII DEATH PROOF.
TERMINATOR SALVATION – REVIEW
There absolutely shouldn’t have been any blessing given from James Cameron with regard to TERMINATOR SALVATION. The only religious intonations given over this movie should have been its last rites.
Now, I can’t stop you from seeing this movie. You will see it irrespective of anything I have to say on this. I realize this.
You’ve been sold on it, I was sold on it, director McG’s P.T. Barnum huckster antics during preview showcases to fanboys teased and titillated audiences everywhere (“I really fought hard for those mammaries to be in there, fellas!”) but there is no escaping the fact that behind the tell-tale daa-daa-daa-daa-daa drum beat we all know as the sonic opening calling card for this franchise is nothing but a lot of smoke and a weak film. A film, mind you, which McG himself said should speak for itself. If it did it would say: Don’t spend $10 on me. Wait for Netflix.
There are a few things that make this a truly remarkable misstep in a franchise that should have ended 2 films ago but one of them comes early on as we meet John Connor (Christian Bale) who absolutely owns the first few minutes of the film in the way he carries his heavy burden as the leader for the resistance and the Batman-like voice with which he wants reality to conform to his own. He’s badass, he chews nails for fun and he’s not going to let crashing in a helicopter, which is a great special effects moment in this film, stop him from thrashing a terminator that deserves leaded violence.
The problems begin with the moments following when Bale is flying over an ocean, wanting to get back to resistance headquarters. He’s been beat up, almost killed and is denied entry to the underwater base of operations. But that’s not going to stop him from getting in! Much like another summer movie hero from over two decades ago, Jack Ryan in HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER, he’s going to get on that damn sub. The fundamental issue which is wholly representative of what ails this movie is that in OCTOBER there was some emotional weight, genuine drama as he unhooked himself from that line to get in that submarine; there was tension, mood, atmosphere, a real sense of danger. Bale’s bullheaded bravado, masked by the tired trope of cinematic bullheaded machismo as he flippantly tosses himself out of the low flying aircraft into the ocean, is nothing more than a cheap way to try and make this guy seem like a real tough guy.
When next we see Bale, he’s sitting in a chair looking all kinds of torqued, moody, getting chewed out by Michael Ironside, playing a character I am not unsure of whether is any different than we saw from any number of 80’s movies where his role is to try and be an even tougher character than those he’s acting opposite of, all the while it begs the question of how much suspension of disbelief is going to be required of me in this film?
It’s a trick question, of course, as the film has moments like this peppered throughout the entire film. For example, the people who have been living without real homes since Judgment Day. They’re fantastically dirty and dusty but the glare coming off their teeth as their lips and faces are sullied with the detritus of a cataclysmic event reminds you that at least they have their Colgate. Another: When Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington, and you’ve got to appreciate the grade school irony in a script that names a man Wright) meets up with young Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin) in one of the best sequences of the film as we have our first look at a terminator who is at once zombie-looking and completely sinister. Hours later, after escaping death, Marcus fiddles with a radio. He just happens to fix it at just the time when, speak of the devil, Connor is broadcasting his fireside chat with those out in the field regarding their next moves. Never mind the timing, the way they catch the signal at just the right frequency or the acknowledgment that it’s Connor speaking to them. It’s just all very convenient.
Later, Reese is part of an escape from a very bad situation from a slew of terminating machines. He and Marcus are departing the explosive moment in a tow truck when moments later he has to pull a single lever at just the right time to make the scene work; forget logic, it begs us, as not only does Reese pull the right one at the right time from a literal array of choices it does nothing to help the dramatic thrust of the film. There is no danger here, no threat of imminent danger, because these guys have an exponential amount of luck on their side and this is the problem with the film.
Further, in the film’s first hour, we find out early that the resistance has found a way to stop the machines, a poorly explained software program that is embedded on a jump drive that needs a clunky boombox to use. About this time, Connor sends his team to fetch an aqua terminator, a lot like the squids from the MATRIX sequels, to which they find one, bring it aboard, all the while being able to keep it from informing other aqua terminators that its been captured or of its current location. This sonic disruptor is one of the weakest McGuffins as it leads exactly nowhere. It’s a ruse, a poorly devised plot device whose sole purpose is used to an awful and regrettable convenience when finally employed to its strongest effect. The film is riddled with lapses in logic, and honestly if an action movie were on point doing what it has to, we shouldn’t care but from rain that just seems to stop on cue to a fiery explosion that singes nary a hair on the person who is caught in a fireball there is more than enough to puzzle at.
Moon Bloodgood, for all that McG has made about her, is actually one of the more redeemable things about this film. Along with Sam Worthington and Anton Yelchin as the reluctant hero you have the three best reasons to see the film. I would even posit that their story, by itself, could have been a more entertaining diversion than what we build up to here. Marcus’ second lease on life is slightly introspective and rather interesting. Kyle’s progression from hesitant killer to lethal hero is wonderfully laid out. But that’s the most frustrating thing about this film. It has fits and starts of potential and has excellent action set pieces only to dumb itself down to appease the lowest common denominator as moments just happen to break positively for those we are supposed to care the most about in the movie. When the “big reveal” in the 3rd act happens near the end try and convince me otherwise that it doesn’t make you feel cheated. The shadows, the calculated angles, the careful placement of bodies, it feels more like a math assignment than it does a celebration of all that’s great in excellent action movies. The effects at this point felt on par with THE CROW. The penultimate battle between man and machine, in the bowls of Skynet headquarters, however, tries to win you back with a glorious display of physicality and menace but by then it’s too late. The film cannot elevate itself above a 2nd tier auctioneer when compared to more thought out films in its genre; leave it to Nolan to raise the bar for everyone else who comes behind him. I commend McG for not bowing to the pressure of actually integrating more of the terminators in the film, Lord knows that would’ve made it far more intriguing and add to the summer spectacle this should have been, but he demurs to telling a bullet ridden story with nowhere to end but with a whimper.
For all his ruminations about how Bale said he flatly turned down this role until he was given a script that you would have thought came with gilded light pouring down from every page if it got Bruce Wayne to say “Yes” to it after turning it down what you have is a story that is full of logical missteps, plots that go nowhere, effect work that at times has you wondering whether it was worth the cameo and the questionable taste for an actor that proved with DARK KNIGHT you could have a great summer film that was designed, and whose sole purpose was, to make money for its cash master while being reasonably intelligent. TERMINATOR SALVATION is a wonder as it doesn’t want to be intelligent, it doesn’t even want to be smart, it just wants to be a throwback to the films you could enjoy on basic cable and be done with once you’ve seen it. It’s an embarrassment of spectacle that leaves a lot of money on the table.
From a pure franchise standpoint, a solely economic exercise, McG may win the weekend but he will lose the summer war.
It certainly took a while to grow on me, but by the fourth and final season of Star Wars: Rebels (Walt Disney, Not Rated, Blu-Ray-$45.99 SRP), I came to love the mythology and ragtag group of characters lovingly woven into the larger Star Wars universe. Bonus materials include audio commentaries and featurettes.
Not only were the folks at Shout Factory able to finally get Disney to agree to let an outside company release one of their shows on home video, but they were also able to hit it out of the park with a stellar high definition release of Gravity Falls (Shout Factory, Not Rated, Blu-Ray-$99.99 SRP), which is positively packed with bonus features. One can only hope this opens the door for Disney to turn over the release of The Muppet Show and their Disney Afternoon properties to Shout, as well.
Speaking of Gravity Falls, the story continues with EVEN MORE STORIES in creator Alex Hirsch’s graphic novel Gravity Falls: Lost Legends (Disney Press, $19.99 SRP). I won’t spoil the quartet of new adventures, so just hurry up and read it already.
While Shout Factory gets most of the attention for their catalogue releases, Mill Creek has been steadily ramping up their game with their access to the Sony library. The latest shows to get proper high definition debuts are complete collections of Masters Of Sex (Mill Creek, Not Rated, Blu-Ray-$69.98 SRP) and Happy Endings (Mill Creek, Not Rated, Blu-Ray-$39.99 SRP). Bonus materials on Masters Of Sex include an audio commentary, featurettes, and deleted scenes, while Happy Endings gets interviews, parodies, deleted scenes, and outtakes.
I have to continue to give huge props to the folks at The Warner Archive for continuing to deep dive into their catalogue and serve up high definition releases of titles that may not have a wide appeal but make fans happy. Case in point is a quintet of recent releases, including the fun awful Supergirl (which even includes a bonus DVD of the extended Director’s Cut), Spencer Trace in Bad Day At Black Rock, the Blaxploitation classic Super Fly, John Huston’s The Life & Times Of Judge Roy Bean, and the still weird Village Of The Damned (Warner Bros., $21.99 SRP each).
Tom Clancy’s Jack Ryan is about to make his television debut, so the timing is perfect for the 4k debut of the character’s feature films ““ The Hunt For Red October, Patriot Games, Clear And Present Danger, The Sum Of All Fears, and Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit ““ all in the appropriately titled Jack Ryan Collection (Paramount, Rated PG/PG-13/R, 4K Blu-Ray-$69.99 SRP). As for bonus features, they all carry over from the previous Blu-Ray releases.
Ben Acker & Ben Blacker’s Star Wars: Join The Resistance trilogy concludes with Attack On Starkiller Base (Lucasfilm Press, $12.99 SRP), which finds Mattis Banz and the other members of J-Squadron attempting a daring rescue mission aboard a First Order ship and warn the Resistance about a deadly threat.
Are they lowbrow? Decidedly so. RIDICULOUSLY so. But I admit, there’s still plenty of guilty laughs to be had re-visiting the whole run of profoundly stupid stunts via the comprehensive Jackass: Complete Movie & TV Collection (Paramount, Rated R, DVD-$16.99 SRP). Not only do you get the original television series, but also all 3 feature films and Bad Grandpa, plus the unrated versions ““ All in one box.
It came and went in theaters, but Melissa McCarthy’s Life Of The Party (Warner Bros., Rated PG-13, Blu-Ray-$22.99 SRP) ““ about a housewife who decides to attend college alongside her daughter after her husband leaves her ““ is a fun romp in the way many McCarthy flicks are. Is it brilliant? No. Is it enjoyable? Yes. Bonus materials include featurettes, deleted scenes, and a gag reel.
Yes, we’re already getting Halloween releases, and Nickelodeon has got kids covered with Spongebob Squarepants: The Legend Of Boo-kini Bottom (Nickelodeon, Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP), which features the show’s spooky stop-motion special, and PAW Patrol: Halloween Heroes (Nickelodeon, Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP).
Further proving that everything is awesome, the awesome 
Seth MacFarlane relaunches Carl Sagan’s groundbreaking science program for a modern audience? The Family Guy guy? And it is great? Yes, the brand new 
More often than not, I find I’m left cold by the overly-precious affectations of Wes Anderson’s films, but there is much to love in the rather straightforward fable presented in 
There’s brilliant and there’s bizarre, and then there’s the brilliantly bizarre 
There’s something instantly enjoyable about the travel documentaries fronted by Monty Python’s Michael Palin. As the Python troupe frequently exploited, there’s a lovely everyman quality to Palin that makes him intrinsically endearing. It also doesn’t hurt that the folks capturing his travels make it all look so gosh darn beautiful, as it most certainly does in his latest, 
The most I can say about 
Long after his original series, Raymond Burr’s Perry Mason returned for a run of guest-star filled TV movies which found the world’s foremost crime-solving lawyer getting many a client out of a right pickle. The run of these can be had in the 3-volume Perry Mason Movie Collection – 
While it’s not nearly as good as the original 80s G1 animated series, 
If you’re younger than 30, you probably don’t recall that Sinbad was once a very funny stand-up comedian. Well, now you can find out just how he exists in my memory via his quite funny new stand-up special, 
There’s nothing like a monster teaching manners, except when those monsters are the ones teaching manners in 
The fine folks at Mill Creek have opened the floodgates of their classic Sony TV catalogue program, re-releasing a veritable ton of TV, including 
Plenty of shirts are discarded with prejudice in 
Howzabout a soundtrack round-up for this week? Now available for your listening pressure are Rolfe Kent’s score for