What happens when two young men let their love of movies, comic books, and all things “geek” take over their lives? They run away from their families, bringing only the most essential DVDs and comics to their secret, highly fortified underground bunker in sunny Southern California, where they start recording podcasts that will change the world.
Are they heroes?
No.
Are they geniuses?
Far from it.
Are they the future of this planet?
I sure hope not.
Simply put… Matt Cohen and Jesse Rivers are “Bagged and Boarded”.
BAGGED & BOARDED GO COMMENTATIN’: Stand By Me – In which Matt and Jesse take a break from the usual nonsense to bring you extra special nonsense – A commentary track on STAND BY ME, as voted on by you, the listeners. Give it a listen… unless you’re a “Loony”.
[CONTENT WARNING]:This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Who’s watching the Watchmen? If you’re Warner Brothers, you’re hoping just about everyone. The film has gone through it’s share of complex issues, but it’s finally hitting the big screen on March 6th. I don’t know about you, but I’ll have my butt in the IMAX theater Friday night.
Since this is a DC property, it should be no surprise that the product coming out in conjunction is from DC Direct. They’re producing action figures in a psuedo 7 inch scale and a psuedo sixth scale, as well as busts and prop replicas. I’m checking out two of the first four action figures tonight – Rorschach and Nite Owl. The other two in this wave are the modern Silk Spectre and Ozymandias, reviewed over at Michael’s Review of the Week.
You can pick these guys (and girls) up for around $17 or so, depending on the retailer of course. That’s a pretty hefty chunk of change, but I have some suggestions in the Where to Buy section that have the full set of four at just fifty bucks, or just $12.50 each. If you have any questions or comments, drop me an email at mwc@mwctoys.com, or hit my website at Captain Toy – Michael’s Review of the Week.
Watchmen series 1 – Nite Owl and Rorschach
Series 1 has been out for a week or two, and series 2 (with the Comedian, original Silk Spectre, original Nite Owl, and Dr Manhattan) has been hitting as well. There are also three variants that will be showing up at your LCS: a translucent Dr. Manhattan, old school Comedian, and unmasked Rorschach.
Packaging – Rorschach ***1/2, Nite Owl ***
Hey, they’re boxes. And the best part is they not only look great, and store easily for the MiBers, but they are also collector friendly. You can pull the figures out and just have to deal with a couple twisties – no need to actually damage the box or inserts in any way. That’s not true for the Ozy or Nite Owl figures, where the stand is blister sealed to the interior cardboard tray, but it is true for Rorschach and Silk Spectre. I don’t quite understand why they designed two this way and two the other way, but it may have something to do with the capes getting in the way.
Sculpting – Nite Owl ***1/2; Rorschach ***
This entire line exhibits great sculpts, with lots of good detail, and what appears to be a good match to the on screen counterparts. Of course, that’s tough to tell based on just poster photos and a few movie stills, but they’ve certainly captured the look of the costumes. The detail work on the Nite Owl outfit is excellent, but he does suffer from a slightly soft sculpt on his facial features. He’s the largest figure in this wave, standing about 6 3/4″ tall.
Rorschach is the smallest of the set, as he was in the comic. He stands about 6 1/4″ tall, a full half inch shorter than Nite Owl (and Ozymandias). He’s also the least articulated, so his sculpted pose is the most critical. That’s where he loses a half star for me.
The other figures in the line have a ball jointed neck to allow them to tilt, turn, and swivel. These joints work great on all the others, but for some reason DCD decided NOT to give Rorschach the same neck. Now, there might be a ball buried down there, but the neck works pretty much as a straight cut joint, allowing it to turn from side to side. Clearly, DCD knew that this was a shortcoming, since Rorschach tends to tilt his head…to compensate for it, they sculpted his head tilted. Yep, it’s sculpted in that tilted pose. Which means it looks good in only that one pose. Why did they do this? I have no idea.
Add to this the odd walking pose they went with on the legs, and I’m not feeling it. The sculpted details are still good, and I like the look of the masked face, but the figure is basically a statue, and the selected pose really ain’t doing it for me.
Paint – ***
The paint work is fairly clean, although at this price point it certainly should be. There’s some minor issues here and there, particularly with some gloppiness on Nite Owl’s face and a few fuzzy cut lines here and there, but it’s certainly B work.
The one aspect of the paint job that really does stand out though is the rorschach ‘stain’ on Rorschach’s mask. It’s extremely well done, nicely centered, and looks terrific.
Articulation – Nite Owl **1/2; Rorschach *1/2
None of these figures is super articulated, but Nite Owl is much like Ozymandias and Silk Spectre, with better articulation than you might expect from DCD. He has a great ball jointed neck, as well as ball jointed shoulders that have a reasonably good range of movement. There’s single pin elbows and knees, T hips, and cut wrists. No, no cut waist…but then this is DC Direct we’re talking about.
Rorschach doesn’t fair as well as the rest of the series. As I mentioned in the sculpting section, he only has a cut neck joint. With the head sculpted in a tilt, it looks a bit weird in all but one pose. He lacks the ball jointed shoulders too, instead having simple cut joints. There’s single pin elbows and cut wrists, but there is no knee joint, and the legs are simply cut at the thigh were they meet the coat.
Accessories – Rorschach **1/2; Nite Owl **
None of the figures have a ton of stuff, but at least these two add one extra to the mix.
Each figure in the series comes with a small base. These bases have three holes in them, placed evenly across the surface. Two small pegs can be inserted from the bottom to allow the figures to stand on them, but the figures only have a hole in one foot each. Unfortunately, since the holes are evenly spaced, a character like Rorschach ends up standing in an off center way on the base no matter which hole is used.
Each figure also comes with a little bracket that appears to be designed to attach the bases to each other. At least that what it looks like to me – the packaging doesn’t bother to explain.
That’s all that Ozy and Silk Spectre have, but Rorschach includes his cool gun and an extra right hand to hold it, while Nite Owl has his version of the batarang that can attach to his belt. Is it an owlarang? Unfortunately, he can’t hold it particularly well in his hand, and it tends to fall off his belt, but as long as you can keep it in place, it looks fine.
I had some issues swapping hands on Rorschach, and ended up needing some hot water to do the job. The posts are very weak plastic, so twisting them or pulling them if they are stuck could result in tearing the hand off.
His gun looks great, but I did have some trouble getting it to stay in his hand. It’s not impossible, but it will take a little effort, and it tends to fall out once in place.
Fun Factor – **
These aren’t really designed for kids, even if Toys R Us is carrying them. It’s an R rated movie, starring characters that kids will have no background on. If one or two were gruesome and hideous, kids might enjoy them just for the monster effect, but these will just look like generic superheroes to them.
Value – *1/2
These figures will run you at least $17 if you buy the singles. At that price, you arent’ getting much – a 7″ plastic statue (albeit a good looking one) without much in the way of accessories. If you want the whole wave though, I have some suggetsions in the Where to Buy section that get the price down to about $12.50 each, which would get these up another star or so in the rating.
Things to Watch Out For –
I had issues with Rorschach’s right hand – the one that’s supposed to swap. Even twisting it was questionable, and the pegs on these are made from a fairly soft plastic. Rather than risk tearing one, just use hot water (which is what I did this time), or the old ‘freezer trick’ to free them up.
Overall – Nite Owl ***; Rorschach **1/2
Nite Owl turned out good, if a tad too statuesque for my tastes. Considering the high price point on these figures, they need something extra, either in accessories or articulation. Without it, I really can’t give Nite Owl better than three stars overall.
Rorschach doesn’t fair quite as well for me. He’s not awful, and I think the painted mask and head sculpt look great. But once again, at this price point I’m expecting that they step up their game, and I really dislike the sculpted tilt to the neck. If you’re cool with the concept that he’s pretty much a statue, and if you like the sculpted pose, then you’ll be much happier than I.
Where to buy –
These are hitting some retailers, like Toys R Us (shocking!), but they aren’t cheap there. Even with shipping, your best bet might be some of the online retailers:
– Urban Collector has the singles for $17 each, but you can get teh case of 4 for just $50.
– Alter Ego Comics has series 1 or series 2 available for $55 for the set of four.
– Corner Store Comics has the singles for $15 – $18, depending on the figure, or the set of four for $55.
Welcome back to TV or Not TV where I don’t fear the Reaper.
It’s been nearly a year since we last saw Reaper, which is returning March 3rd at 8 PM to the CW, and truth be told we’re lucky we’re even getting a second helping of the show. Reaper originally showed a lot of promise in its pilot episode, but quickly devolved to a simple “monster-of-the-week” retread that we’d already seen in year’s prior from show’s like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Charmed. The only saving grace at that point was the flawless performance of Ray Wise as the Devil.
About the same time I was thinking to myself that Reaper was going to fall off of my viewing list the Writer’s Strike happened. When it was over Reaper returned and something had changed. Suddenly the reaping was playing second fiddle to story lines like a demon uprising wanting to overthrow the Devil and the nagging question of lead character Sam’s own parentage. In the season finale we were even given a gem in Sam‘s own father seeming to be a demon (or something else that is capable of surviving being buried alive). The increased interest from the fan base seemed to give the CW reason to give Reaper a second season order of 13 episodes.
The initial question that has to be asked is if this new season learned from the last part of last season and will the show really try to knock it out of the park for what could be it’s final 13? The answer to the question may be revealed in the season opener where Sam encounters a soul of interest who he may pursue over the course of this season’s run. Sam also has challenges to over come as he returns from a road trip with friends Sock and Ben to discover he’s been evicted from his apartment, fired from his job at The Work Bench and girlfriend Andi may not be terribly happy with him either. Of course the Devilalso makes things a bit difficult since he isn’t the type of employer that likes granting extended leaves from work.
The second question also is if the CW really wants to see Reaper do well at all. Originally the show was slated to premiere March 17th and it was going to have the drama ladened 90210 as it’s lead in. Suddenly the premiere has been moved up two weeks and Reaper is now the lead in show, and if you look at the schedule it looks more like the sacrificial lamb the CW is handing over the FOX‘s American Idol, pushing 90210 to the safer 9 PM post-Idol slot originally intended for Reaper. I suppose we can just be thankful that if that is the case as we’ll at least see all 13 episodes of Reaper. The show’s producers have stated they plan to deliver a complete story for us should Reaper be shaking loose this mortal coil at the conclusion of this season. Even if it does, I’m glad we’ve got 13 more episodes of Ray Wise‘s Devil to enjoy.
If all of this Reaper talk didn’t scare you off than here’s what else is coming up in the next seven.
MONDAY
FOX – 8:00 PM: It’s two hours of 24 tonight with a full on assault on the White House. It’s bad enough when they asked us to believe… well, just about everything from all of the seasons past, but really… the White House? Shame on you 24. Shame…. on…. you!
NBC – 9:00 PM: I admit that I acutally enjoyed Heroes last week up until the last five minutes of the show. They bought my interest for one more week. Let’s see if they can do it again.
FOOD – 9:30 PM: Rabidly interested in how cranberries are harvested? Hop into the bog on Will Work for Food.
TUESDAY
BRAVO – 1:00 PM: Hunker down for a marathon of The Real Housewives of New York City. Did I just type that?
FOX – 8:00 PM:American Idol rolls out the poor song choices performed horribly by the next 12 contestants hoping to survive the night.
CW – 8:00 PM: Yup, like stated above, Reaper is back. Give it a try if you didn’t before.
WEDNESDAY
NBC – 8:00 PM: Tonight on Knight Rider… hah, just kidding! This show is harder for me to watch than a vasectomy reversal (and yes, I’ve seen one).
FOX – 8:00 PM: Nine more dreams are crushed as three more are chosen for the final 12 contestants on American Idol. Dragging this out for 60 minutes is almost as unjustifiable as the running time of the Oscars.
HIST – 9:00 PM: If you’ve ever wanted to see the sewers of New York than tune in to MonsterQuest as they delve into the disgusting depths in search of alligators.
ABC – 9:00 PM: I’ve noticed a trend that is happening on LOST. They’ve been playing this cat and mouse game of mysterious and answers so much that they are creating mini-mysteries that surface and get paid off in a few episodes. Watch more tonight as we get caught up with where Sawyer and crew have been in LaFleur.
THURSDAY
TOON – 2:30 PM: I’ve really been enjoying Batman: The Brave and the Bold and I really wish I had recommended last week this first part of a two parter. It’s got everything geeks love: super heroes and alternate universes where the good are bad and vise versa. The second part airs tomorrow night, so set your DVR for this one to get caught up.
FOX – 8:00 PM: Just when you thought they couldn’t shove more Idol down your throats they bring out a wild card show. The judges favorites shill one more time for a chance on the show.
NBC – 8:30 PM: Does anyone who reads this column want to email me and tell me what I’m missing not watching Kath & Kim? I only ask because it’s the only show I skip on the Thursday night NBC lineup.
CBS – 8:00 PM: The first alliance of the season surfaces tonight on Survivor: Tocantins.
FRIDAY
TOON – 8:00 PM:Batman teams up with The Joker (what?!?!?) to try to foil Owlman in tonight’s season finale of Batman: The Brave and the Bold.
FOX – 8:00 PM: It’s just so hard having a Terminator on your team when they have a damaged chip, which appears to have a BIOS made by Microsoft. Haha! Nerd humor!
AMC – 8:00 PM: See the entire first season of Breaking Bad tonight and you’ll be jonesing for more.
SATURDAY
NBC – 8:00 PM: Didn’t catch the premiere of Celebrity (really?!?) Apprentice? You get a second shot tonight.
DISNEY – 8:00 PM: I know it is no great work of cinematic art, but I really got a kick out of Sky High.
ABC – 9:00 PM: This is really shaping up to be second chance Saturday. Miss the two hour Brothers & Sisters episode from last week or your DVR botched up? Queue it up again.
SUNDAY
Hope you remembered to set your clock ahead an hour!
NBC – 7:00 PM: Sometimes a show name says it all: Saturday Night Live: Just Game Show Parodies. As long as it is 90% Celebrity Jeopardy I’m in.
FOX – 8:00 PM: The home loan crisis hits Springfield as The Simpsons ARM skyrockets. Way to help us escape from our everyday lives guys!
NBC – 8:00 PM: I don’t think you can take any percentage of anything to make me watch Saturday Night Live: Just Commercials.
AMC – 10:00 PM: Did you get hooked on Breaking Bad after Friday night? Good news, season 2 premieres tonight.
– Will Wilkins wrote this column while thinking about his Dad. It’s been a year Pops and I still miss you.
SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.
SModcast 78: For Today’s Elegant Man –
In which our heroes bed down with cougars, face that yellow bastard, and conjure a cuckold.
[CONTENT WARNING]SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.
We here at Quick Stop Entertainment are true lovers of music, in all its forms. We’re also quite keen on the spirit of competition, and of spurring creativity through said competition.
To that end, we launched a brand new form of creative combat here at the Stop – Masters of Song Fu.
In this age of manufactured and painfully earnest talent contests, we’ve decided to instead shine a light on the quirky, quixotic underworld of musicians that don’t get nearly the attention they deserve.
Ah, but I did mention that there was a competition involved…
We invited 28 challengers to pick up the thrown-down gauntlet (You know, some spares as well). 26 Responded in time.
Like a songwriting version of Iron Chef, these 26 competitors are presented with a very specific songwriting challenge. They’ll be given one week to complete their songs – however they see fit, within the parameters set forth – after which time the entries will be uploaded to Quick Stop to be voted on by you, the readers.
In past editions of Song Fu, we’ve used these votes to eliminate Challengers as we’ve progressed from Challenge to Challenge. For this cycle, however, we’ve decided that all of the Challengers will be able to compete in every Challenge, and the Challenger with the most cumulative votes after the 3 Challenges will be the one that takes on the Master in the Final Round. So what was the first Challenge?
In light of all the doom and gloom of recent months, as financial markets crashed and winter closed in, we’re going to kick things off with a rather straightforward challenge. You can interpret this challenge however you’d like – how you do so will give people a sense of just what your songwriting personality and style is…
Your first challenge is to WRITE A HAPPY SONG.
That’s it. The only other directive is that your song must run no shorter than 1 minute 45 seconds.
You’ll find the Round 1 songs from each of our Masters below, as well as the results of the Round 1 voting. Our masters and Challengers were then given their second Challenge…
ROUND 2 CHALLENGE
Write a song containing *exactly* 10 unique words (this includes words such as a, and, the, etc.). You can repeat the words you choose as few or as many times as you want, but the sum total of the unique words can not be less than or more than 10.. You can write on any topic and in any style. Your song must run no shorter than 1 minute 15 seconds.
Here’s a word cloud look at what everyone chose:
You’ll find the Round 2 songs from each of our Masters below, including the 10 words they chose for their songs. Immediately following, you’ll be able to place your votes…
MASTERS OF SONG FU
For this edition of Song Fu, we’re bringing in 2 (well, 3, if you’re being technical) very special Masters who you’ll be going up against. Think of them as the iron chefs of Song Fu, and your ultimate challengers, as you’ll square off against one of them mano-a-mano in the Final Round:
NEIL INNES
If you’re a bit puzzled but there’s a little twinge of recognition niggling at your subconscious right now, it’s probably because you already know who Neil Innes is without even realizing it.
It was during the Jurassic period (the late 60s) that Neil was a member of the legendary Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band. Madcap purveyors of esoteric music (Who else would revive music hall standards in the age of rock? They did it, and it worked!), their biggest hit was the deceptively poignant “I’m the Urban Spaceman.”
While firmly ensconced within the Bonzos, Neil first became acquainted (and vice-versa) with Eric Idle, Michael Palin, Terry Gilliam, and Terry Jones while working on DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET, a children’s show whose viewers tended to skew a bit older than the intended audience. Eric, Mike, and the two Terrys went on to form MONTY PYTHON with Graham Chapman and John Cleese. The Pythons called on Neil’s musical skills numerous times over the years, particularly when producing their best-selling albums. When John Cleese decided to move on to greener pastures prior to PYTHON’s fourth series, Neil stepped into the void as a contributing writer and performer.
Not able to escape the Pythons so easily, Neil was also tapped for MONTY PYTHON & THE HOLY GRAIL, contributing music and a memorable performance as the annoyingly truthful minstrel of Eric Idle’s cowardly Sir Robin. Still not willing to let him get away just yet, Neil was brought in again for their follow-up film, THE LIFE OF BRIAN (wherein he outruns certain death during the colosseum debate scene).
Even while working with the Pythons, Neil continued his solo career, releasing numerous albums on his own as well as with the groups The Grimms and The World. His BBC program, INNES BOOK OF RECORDS, ran for 3 series and featured 90 original tunes. From torch song and ballad to rock and parody, the show featured an exceedingly wide range of styles.
It was during the latter-half of the 70s, however, that Neil produced his most enduring work. While collaborating with Eric Idle on the post-Python TV series RUTLAND WEEKEND TELEVISION, the two devised a brief HARD DAY’S NIGHT parody with Idle portraying a boring filmmaker (so boring the camera ran from him) and Innes providing the Beatles-esque “I Must Be in Love.” During his next hosting gig on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, Idle unleashed the short film on the American public. That led to SNL’s Lorne Michaels producing a mockumentary of the mock-band, named The Rutles, for NBC. ALL YOU NEED IS CASH aired on March 22, 1978, starring Eric and Neil as one half of the “Pre-Fab Four” and featuring songs by Innes. In 1996, Innes reunited with Rutles bandmates John Halsey and Ricki Fataar to release THE RUTLES: ARCHEOLOGY, which sported 16 brand new tracks “discovered in the vaults,” a la THE BEATLES ANTHOLOGY.
He recently released a new solo album, WORKS IN PROGRESS, and a brand new reunion album with the Bonzos, POUR L’AMOUR DES CHIENS. Neil continues to write and perform, and is in the process of recording his next solo album.
Paul and Storm are a comedy music duo, and they have been performing as a duo since 2004. Before that, they were one half of a cappella band Da Vinci’s Notebook for about 12 years. A Paul and Storm show is part music concert and part standup/improv comedy”“just enough of both to fit neatly in neither category. They like to engage the audience, and are known to award snack cakes and/or other prizes for good (and sometimes bad) behavior. Their show would be PERFECT as a cable special, and would make lots of money for whichever brave channel decides to air them first.
Riki “Garfunkel” Lindhome and Kate “Oates” Micucci make up this band, which is a mixture of acoustic folk, comedy and pure sugar. Riki has been seen in The Changeling, My Best Friend’s Girl, Pushing Daisies, Gilmore Girls and Million Dollar Baby. You can catch Kate in Scrubs, When in Rome, Four Kings, How I Met Your Mother, or in her one-woman show “Playing with Micucci” at the Steve Allen Theater.
In a moment, you’ll discover the details of the first challenge. First, though, here is the list of challengers:
THE CHALLENGERS
JEFF MacDOUGALL
Jeff’s stint of reigning challenger in MoSF#1 (yet ultimately losing to Master Jonathan Coulton) has won him critical acclaim from around the world. Or is it criticism from around his house? Either way, he’s back for more and hoping to balance bringing the Fu with taking out the trash.
Edric has been writing music (off and on) for the past fifteen years. He wrote and directed a musical, The Pushcart War, based on Jean Merrill’s wonderful novel. He has written and/or arranged a number of songs for various friends – some commissioned, some as surprises. He loves acting in community theatre, and is inspired by the music of Stephen Sondheim, Jason Robert Brown, Adam Guettel, Lynn Ahrens and Stephen Flaherty – and yes, Jonathan Coulton, who in addition to writing wonderful songs, also served as a portal to finding out about the Song Fu competition.
I’m “BucketHat” Bobby Matheson. I used to make cartoons for the internet, and sometimes still do, but mostly focus on my music right now. Lately, I’ve been getting more into recording other singer/songwriters in my little, make-shift studio than I have been recording myself. I want Masters Of Song Fu to change that. I don’t really know what genre my music would fall under. Influences range from Klezmer to folk, to punk and back, which ends up sounding more like Zydeco than anything else (who’d have guessed?). I’ve been thinking of dropping the “BucketHat” from my stagename, but fear change.
Insane Ian is a comedian and writer from Baltimore, Maryland who specializes in all things nerdy, both in parody and original compositions. From Sci-fi TV shows and films, to video games, to comic books – no nerdy topic escapes his sardonic (and satiric) wit. Among his peers – such as Sudden Death, the great Luke Ski, Jonathan Coulton and, of course, “Weird Al” Yankovic – he is the only artist to have written this bio, and remains at the top of that list. Currently, his song “Guitar Hero” (from his upcoming album n3rds0ngs) was the 11th most requested song on the Dr. Demento radio show in 2008. Usually for a song, I.I. surrounds himself with talented people to make himself look better… and now is no exception, as friend and producer Benjamin Stahl helps on instrumental duties.
My name is Joe Lamb, I’ve been known online as JoeCovenant, or JoeCov, Or just Cov for the last decade or so. I’m 45 and have been performing for 40 of those years. Up until 2005 I was solely a professional actor/singer, but I am now also a Civil Servant and work for Her Majesty. I’ve been playing guitar since I was 10, but still think Bar Chords are things played in pubs. (I can’t do ’em!) I’m not too bad on the Bhodran and can pick out a tune on a keyboard when pushed”¦ really hard. I’ve always been frustrated that my ideas outdistance my abilities, so my output is always rather simplistic… But I like to think that, occasionally, synergy does its job well! This contest will be my first use of my new recording equipment… hope it doesn’t throw my limitations to the fore!
Mick Bordet steadfastly insists on bouncing between and across genres at every opportunity like a hummingbird with ADD, using an eclectic collection of instruments for his sonic palette, from guitar and ukulele to theremin, yobstick and electric harmonium. Mick is a founder member of “The Lunacy Board”, Scotland’s premier progressive avant-garde skiffle duo, and cites influences as diverse as Edgard Varèse, Ivor Cutler, Conlon Nancarrow, and Roy Harper, to name but four. The duo have recently released three debut albums, including one written, recorded, and mixed within a single day. Mick’s latest project is a year-long weekly podcast set in an alternative universe as it diverges from our reality.
The Masked Stranger (a.k.a Neal John Mac Rae), is a self proclaimed noise/folk artist from Nova Scotia, Canada. Although his work has gone completely unnoticed on an official level, he has still managed to garner several fans from Australia and amoungst his close friends. The Masked Stranger project started in 2004 when Neal John recorded “The River Song”, a simple panflute tune he furiously augmented and destroyed on his computer. Since then he has created roughly 30 other distinctly more destroyed and demented tracks under the moniker of The Masked Stranger. His music has been described as “a total disregard for musical theory”, “aaaaaaaah!”, “raw and grating”, “annoying”, “Twisting is a word I want to use to describe it… Very natural and earthly”, and “disturbing and yet… strangely enjoyable”. His most well liked and most consistant piece “Rue The Red” was described by Cape Breton goregrind artist Devin Meaney as “a posessed man jigging out on the strings of his creator. Like a puppet, devouring the flesh of god. And this is exactly what it reminds me of, no joke.”. This awkward and soil laiden musician’s journeys into the abrassive and the tribal only threaten to continue.
Bryce Jensen has been writing songs off and on for well over twenty years, but he has rarely shared any of them beyond his friends and family. His styles range from a capella to heavy metal with a lot of wimpy finger picking stuff in between. Bryce took part in the recent Holiday Special edition of the Song Fu and found the constraints and deadline to be quite a rush. He also learned that sharing his work with the world can be very rewarding. Back for this competition because he is hooked and needs another fix, Bryce is looking forward to whatever crazy challenges lie ahead.
Jeff began playing guitar in 2003. He wrote his first comedy song in early 2004, and later that year, he wrote a song that was actually funny and in key, unlike his earlier works. He began playing shows after accidentally opening for a local band while passing through a bar. He continues to play because nobody has told him to stop.
Crabbydad is a writer/sound designer/musician who, four years ago, was forced to leave all of his bands and musical compatriots behind in Chicago when his Old Lady got herself a proffesorin’ gig at a giant university in a tiny mid-Michigan town that’s devoid of any sort of culture, musical or otherwise. So he started recording songs with his kids and posting them on his blog for his four or five readers to hear. When he’s not recording songs about spiders and/or poop, he creates comedy, sound effects, and music for a company called Jellyvision, Inc.
Hank Green never wrote a song until his eternal passion for Helen Hunt (both as an actress and a woman) started off a multi-year YouTube project in which he writes a song every other Wednesday. The songs are part of a larger project in which he and his brother discuss their lives, their world, and the community of which they are a part. Their videos have now been watched more than 20 million times. Hank’s first album, SO JOKES, was just released and is available at DFTBA.com.
Mike Lombardo is a piano-playing pop-rock singer-songwriter who likes to use hyphens when describing his occupation. He has been known to write songs about just about anything, including rocks and SAW 4. When not banging on a piano, Mike spends most of his time playing way too many video games and fighting with his roomate. Currently finishing up his degree in Songwriting from Berklee College of Music, he will be touring the country this summer with his band, the Mike Lombardo Trio. Feel free to go to his website and send him lots of money. Or cookies.
“Hallelujah Ape” is the working name for the personal musical projects of Paul Abbott. When he’s not playing bass guitar and shouting in such bands as Three Minute Margin, he’s usually fiddling with a ukulele or trying to write Manfred Mann inspired songs for films that don’t exist. Main influences are The Bonzo’s, The Beatles and Fugazi. He owns many comedy things and likes to rub his face up against them when no-one is looking. He also co-writes the British Foghorn Company blog.
In the far off land of Chandler, Arizona, where the rivers flow with sand and cacti, our leader and master, the Lord of Our Lady Gwynyth, guitar and microphone in hand, called for the greatest musicians in the land to assemble a rock and roll group like none other. Unfortunately, they were cut off on the road, and the Jalapeño Habañeros made it there first. With The Rogue Bohemian on saxophone and The Boxcar Bassist on bass and keyboards, the Lord was pleased. Now, they roam the streets of Chandler, playing epic songs and rocking faces, much like Bon Jovi. Unfortunately they are paid in change, and often get thrown into the street, also like Bon Jovi. Their lives have intertwined, and the era of the Jalapeño Habañeros has begun. Be prepared.
Official Website: None ROUND 1 SONG: “The Pompadour Song” ROUND 2 SONG: “Let’s Not Tip It Over” (WORDS USED: we’re, gonna, rock, the, boat, let’s, not, tip, it, over)
HAZEN NESTER
Hazen Nester is a multi-platinum-selling*, award-winning**, and incredibly gifted” songwriter. His works have been described as “heavenly”, “complex”, and “thought-provoking” by his critics and fans.” ”  He has, to date, three full albums”¡, two EPs”¡”¡, and is currently working on a new collection of work§. He holds a B.S. degree§§, an MFAâ•‘, and a PhDâ•‘â•‘ and currently lives in Michigan, where he spends his days writing songs and working in the fulfilling and worthwhile sector of public-access television. Apart from songwriting, his hobbies include cinema, golf, and the occasional role in various stage and audio productions. 🙂 [* – Lie, ** – Another lie, ” – Bold-faced lie, ” ” – His mom. They’re one and the same, really., “¡ – More lies, “¡”¡ – Yet another lie, § – Another lie. No, wait, actually that one’s true., §§ – In film. How appropriate., ? – Lie. What a surprise there., ?? – Do I really have to put this here?, 🙂 – That’s probably the most truthful statement in this entire document.]
Forged in the furnace of irony, molded with the hammer of satire, flattened on the anvil of righteousness, and cooled in the water of awesomeness, AudioMohel was thrust upon the world. Named from the lost audio transcripts of ’09, AudioMohel serves as a public-service backlash against the anti-circumcision trend sweeping the so-called “enlightened parents” crowd, AudioMohel urges their more devoted and impressionable fans to undergo the snip two or even three times. AudioMohel enjoys experimenting with new breakthrough genres like speed blues and death classical even though most of AudioMohel’s tunes reside firmly in the ethereal realm of vapor-ware. Some of AudioMohel’s members admitted to being a bit intimidated by the professed experience and actual musical talent apparently possessed by the Song Fu Masters, but finally it was decided that if the need arose, sabotage would not be out of the question. To be used as a last resort, naturally, but not out of the question.
When she’s not bluffing her way through college courses or looking passably attractive from a distance, Molly Lewis enjoys playing ukulele, microwaving marshmallow Peeps, talking to cats, and Twittering. Early last year, she wrote two original songs, “MyHope” and “Road Trip”. “MyHope” is about the inevitable day when our children will learn how to navigate the interweb and how they will LOL at our old internet presences, namely MySpace; of “Road Trip”, Molly says it’s about “that astronaut lady who went crazy and wore the diapers, you remember that?” She has not written any songs since. Hopefully this competition will remedy that. When Molly was in middle school, she took up the guitar. That sank into the swamp. So she took up the mandolin. That sank into the swamp. So she took up the banjo. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the ukulele has stayed. And that’s what you’re going to get, Quick Stop Entertainment: the strongest ukulele in all of Tacoma, Washington.
Johannes “Jutze” Schult (from Germany) likes to make songs about weird stories and situations. It’s all about creating a musical scenario that is somewhat original, yet believable by some stretch of imagination. Jutze used to play drums in a heavy metal band, and then founded his own pop band where he played guitar. These days he’s mainly doing solo work for the fun of it.
And now, it’s time for that all important voting. For this round, you can choose your TOP 5 FAVORITE Challenger songs. Be sure to choose carefully. Also, if you enjoy their tune, be sure to vote for our reigning Masters of Song Fu – Paul & Storm, as those votes will count when the other remasters rejoin in the next round. VOTING CLOSES AT 11:59pm EST on MONDAY, MARCH 9th.
If you triumph, not only will you win remarkable (and potentially off-putting) bragging rights and a clutch of fantastic mystery prizes, you will also become the proud owner of the magnificent, one-of-a-kind MASTER OF SONG FU TROPHY.
The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…
Hope is in the air that this isn’t the end, but the release of Futurama: Into The Wild Green Yonder (Fox, Not Rated, DVD-$29.99 SRP) certainly marks the end of the currently greenlit batch of direct-to-DVD movies, and things definitely end with a bang. Evil tries to do evil things! Bender’s in love! Leela’s on the run! And the fate of the universe depends on Fry! As usual, the DVD is jam-packed with bonus features, including an audio commentary, an animatic, a behind-the-scenes documentary, a featurette on Penn Jillette’s acting technique, deleted scenes, 3-D models, and more. And for you high definition nerds, a Blu-Ray edition ($39.99 SRP) is also available, with identical bonus features PLUS a video picture in picture commentary.
Over the years, I’ve hunted and hunted for a good set of portable laptop speakers that are a) actually portable, b) provide good sound, and c)don’t require any outside power supply (including batteries). My current favorite that matches all of those criteria is the B-Flex Hi-Fi USB speaker ($39.99 SRP), which attaches via the USB and is perched atop a an adjustable 6″ goose neck. Try it for yourself.
Fans of Disney animation – both its process and history – will want to tear into the lavish hardcover Walt Disney Animation Studios: The Archive Series – Story (Disney Editions, $50.00 SRP). What its rather longish title speaks to is a massive tome packed with glimpses into Disney’s animation art archive, with the focus being the artwork that was used in the development of both their short subjects and feature films – the artwork commonly known as “storyboards”. And it is wonderful.
As a complimentary volume to that, might I also suggest Disney Lost And Found (Disney Editions, $30.00 SRP), which takes a look at the development artwork for Disney films that were never produced. Some of it betrays the problems that sunk the productions, while a few point to projects that are still viable and will hopefully get a second chance (particularly My Peoples).
If anyone was wondering why Bryan Cranston won an Emmy for his role as a sad sack, trying to make ends meet chemistry teacher who gets diagnosed with terminal cancer and decides – to hell with it – to use his knowledge to make crystal meth with one of his former students, watch the first season of Breaking Bad (Sony, Not Rated, DVD-$39.95 SRP) and you’ll know exactly why his wonderful performance earned the kudos. The 3-disc set features all 7 episodes, plus audio commentaries, featurettes, screen tests, deleted scenes, and an episode of AMC’s Shootout.
Every once in awhile, someone hits on an idea for a documentary where you just have to sit back and go, “Brilliant!” and then enjoy the heck out of it. Such is the case with American Scary: A Tribute To the Golden Age of Horror Hosts (Cinema Libre Studio, Not Rated, DVD-$19.95 SRP). As the title says, it’s a look at all of the local horror hosts that used to dominate the weekend and wee hours of local programming in the 60’s and 70’s, introducing mostly bottom shelf library chillers via often outlandish characters. We’re talking characters like Vampira, Svengoolie, Ghoulardi, and Sir Cecil Creepe – exactly the kind parodies so brilliantly in the form of SCTV‘s Count Floyd. The DVD features an audio commentary, the original pitch reel, bonus interviews, trailers, and more.
It’s a 50/50 proposition with kids shows (which, because of my nephews, I’ve been forced to watch a lot of these past few years). Either they’re really good, or they’re abysmal. One that manages to a fun half hour is The Mighty B!, which is co-created by Amy Poehler (who provides the voice of the titular feisty girl Bessie, using a voice fans of UCB will find familiar). The first Mighty B! release – We Got the Bee (Nickelodeon, Not Rated, DVD-$16.99 SRP) – is now available, featuring a behind-the-scenes featurette, an animatic, and a karaoke music video.
Years after the release of the first two seasons, Sony has decided to allay fears it had given up the ghost by releasing the third season of Just Shoot Me (Sony, Not Rated, DVD-$39.95 SRP). Although some may disparage it, it’s actually a series that I dug throughout the majority of its run, as sort of a NewsRadio-lite, with just enough well-written wackiness and strong characters (and actors) to keep me interested. The 3-disc set features all 25 episodes, but not a single David Spade commentary.
Another classic has made its way to high definition with a port of the deluxe special edition of William Friedkin’s French Connection (Fox, Rated R, Blu-Ray-$34.98 SRP), and the car chase looks even better in Blu-Ray. The 2-disc edition features audio commentaries, deleted scenes, interviews, featurettes, documentaries, and more. Also available is the lesser sequel, French Connection II (Fox, Rated R, Blu-Ray-$34.98 SRP), containing audio commentaries and a conversation with Gene Hackman.
I’m just this close to over the dopey, one note aww-shucksism of Michael Cera, but he manages to make it work for Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist (Sony, Rated PG-13, Blu-Ray-$39.95 SRP), which finds him playing the titular Nick who is brought together with Norah in a chance meeting one night that leads to an endless night of searching for a mythical secret show of a legendary band somewhere in New York City. If you bet “love blooms”, you’re not very clever, but you’re absolutely right. Bonus materials include outtakes, deleted scenes, a puppet show, a music video, and a Blu-Ray exclusive telestrator commentary.
There’s nothing like spending a Saturday afternoon kicking back and watching a 70’s car chase classic like Vanishing Point (Fox, Rated R, DVD-$34.98 SRP) in high definition – which is to say it’s damn fun. Besides that whole high-def experience, you get both the US and UK versions of the film, an interactive 1970 Dodge Challenger, an audio commentary, featurettes, TV spots, the theatrical trailer, and more.
Want a nice primer of a few classic British series? Try The Spy Collection (A&E, Not Rated, DVD-$99.95 SRP), which collects the first 13 episodes of Roger Moore in The Persuaders!, the first 15 episodes of The Champions, the first 26 episodes of Robert Vaughn in The Protectors, and 3 episodes of The Prisoner. Save for The Prisoner, the other series are essentially the already available first volumes of these respective shows, which means that if you dig it and want to pick up the rest, you can start with their second volumes.
Although it tries to be Porky’s, Risky Business, and American Pie for today’s kids hoping to sneak into an R-rated sex comedy, Sex Drive (Summit, Not Rated, DVD-$26.99 SRP) doesn’t quite pull itself together into anything more than just a reasonably enjoyable comic diversion about a guy that makes the decision to embark on an 800-mile road trip in order to lose his virginity. It’s paint-by-numbers. The 2-disc set features an audio commentary, behind-the-scenes featurettes, and a profile of net smug-center & Michael Cera attachment Clark Duke.
With the new edition of the musical tearing up London’s West End, take a gander at the BBC’s recent dramatic take on Dickens’ classic Oliver Twist (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP), starring Timothy Spall as a decidedly downtrodden Fagin. The DVD also sports a behind-the-scenes featurette.
If you keen on a cheap thriller this weekend, then you’re probably thinking of something like The Haunting Of Molly Hartley (Fox, Rated PG-13, DVD-$29.99 SRP), about a high schooler who worries that her life may be coming apart due to the same psychosis which landed her mother in a mental ward, but the real truth is – You guessed it! – something much more sinister. Bonus materials include cast & crew interviews, and the theatrical trailer.
So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…
Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and FRED’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.
Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.
Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.
KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #84: The Candy Man Can – Ken & Dana return with a dip into their bottomless pot of vintage pop culture knowledge before recapping their latest Oscars debacle and bickering about something or another.
[CONTENT WARNING]:This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
I am officially convinced that Battlestar Galactica is being written & produced by refugee chimpanzees.
No, seriously. Never in my life have I watched a better example of a television series throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks on a weekly basis than what we’ve gotten from Galactica. We’re talking major, industrial grade amounts of crap here, people. The kind of tonnage that you could only get by reassembling the simian cast of Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp and tossing in Clyde from the Clint Eastwood movies and feeding them a whole lot of laxatives.
I’ve wanted to like Galactica from the start but the series started contradicting itself and the universe it was trying to create in the bloody pilot. Note to producers: if you have a great plot inconsistency in your series, try not to feature said inconsistency in the opening titles. The inconsistency I’m singling out (because there are a helluva lot to pick from) is the inexplicable downgrading of the humanoid Cylons from the pilot to the rest of the series. Every week, we have a shot of Baltar (James Callas) being shielded from a nuclear blast by what we now call Caprica Six (Tricia Helfer). She doesn’t move, doesn’t even flinch but before long, we’re capping the humanoid “skin job” Cylons like they’re shuffling zombies in George Romero film. But that’s not enough – we go on later in the series to show that you can kill a Cylon by ejecting them out an airlock only to then show Boomer (Grace Park) functioning perfectly well in a vacuum aboard a Cylon base ship. But don’t make the mistake that possibly Boomer & Caprica Six are some kind of super-Cylons – Boomer takes a bullet just like anyone else and dies (at least, as much as any of the Cylons actually “died” at that point). The Cylons really need to outsource their work to Skynet – at least it knows how to build humanoids that can take a pounding!
I have had to tolerate fans and even national publications trying to present this series as “the best fraking show on television” for years now and, I hate to tell you, it’s just not that great. Edward James Olmos, an actor that I enjoy and greatly respect, has spoken in glowing terms about the quality of the series and how he never imagined he’s be doing science fiction on cable. To be certain, the actors love the series and why wouldn’t they? The series is a succession of actor-moments, scenes where actors get to scream, cry, rend the fabric of their clothing and generally chew more scenery than Vincent Price ever could. But a collection of acting moments does not a good series make. Granted, you’re working within the confines of science fiction, you’ve got people confined to space ships on the run from evil robots so there’s some limit to the amount of “reality” you can truly expect. Having said that, you expect people who worked within the confines of the Star Trek universe, arguably one of the most defined fictional universes in the history of entertainment, to be able to set up some basic rules and stick to them. Its one thing to find a way around an old, established rule like Trek‘s old “can’t send a transporter beam through shields” and quite another to play fast and loose with the basic building blocks of your own universe. If the producers don’t care enough to color inside the lines, why should the viewers give a damn about anything that happens between the opening titles and the end credits?
I’m not just railing about this because of the problems I’ve seen during the run of the series. The producers themselves talked about not really knowing what the hell they were doing in the commentary for a recent episode. We’re in the home stretch for this series and viewers should rightfully expect that the producers have at least a vague idea what they’re going to do in the final episodes. You’re at a point where you don’t have the luxury of a toss off episode; every episode has got to build towards your climax. So why, pray tell, would the producers suddenly realize that their original choice for the ‘final’ Cylon contradicted previous storylines? First of all, I wonder why they just started worrying about this now when they’ve been content to contradict themselves since the pilot but more importantly, how do they not pay attention to the plots they’ve already produced?
The answer is simple: pure laziness. Their solution: pull an answer out of their asses. At this point, it looks like they’re having to reach so far up their own rectums the producers are in danger of feeling a strange tickle in the backs of their collective throats.
It’s not like Galactica is complete waste. The series is at its best when the shooting starts, as seen by the recent two part mutiny storyline. Yes, we had to have some of the series’ trademarked convoluted storytelling to get us up to that point but there were many, many ways to get there that made more sense and would have felt less like treading water for a few hours. So many episodes of Galactica play out like extended teasers, just begging you to blow another hour of your time in hopes that something, anything, might happen. As evidence, just look at the episode that followed the mutiny – more tossing stuff at the audience that only serves to frame something else down the road. While you need to set up the events that are going to happen later in the series, a good series will do that by weaving those plot developments into an actual story, instead of just stringing them all together for 42 minutes and calling it a day.
The series is also unrelentingly grim. Even big fans of the series have told me that they have to get themselves into the right frame of mind to watch the series every week, many of them recording it to watch later instead of viewing it during its live broadcast. As one fan told me, she had to make sure to watch the series at a time when it wouldn’t make her want to immediately slit her wrists. The darkness of the series combined with the general mood in the world at the moment makes it hard to gain a lot of escapist enjoyment out of Galactica.
For that reason alone, I can’t say I’m surprised that the decision was made to bring Galactica to an end as even the most incontinent of monkeys will run out of feces eventually. I’ll still be watching, hopeful that the series will come to some sort of satisfactory end but tempering that hope with the realization that disappointment has always lurked just around the corner with this series.
I’m looking at the prequel series, Caprica, with a wary eye as well. Let’s see, Galactica without the action. I don’t really see the appeal here but the fans seem stoked about it, so I’ll give it a chance. But it doesn’t get the same amount rope Galactica did from me and, I suspect, from the rest of the audience, either. Say what you will about the Stargate franchise (and God knows it has it’s own set of major problems) but it at least delivers on it’s promises 90% of the time, which is a lot more than can be said for Galactica. One wonders what kind of series we’d have gotten if the producers spent as much time on the series itself as they seem to on the animated vanity card at the end of each episode (often the best part of any Galactica episode).
So, as the series stumbles towards the finish line, I have to wonder what the ultimate fate of “the best fraking show on television” is going to be. Like many serialized series, it’s popular now and everyone is willing to sing the praises of the self-indulgent train wreck that has spewed onto television screens around the world for the past 6 years or so. But when it comes time to look back at the finished product as a whole, how will people react? I suspect time will not be kind to Galactica as the realization sets in that this was not some grand, epic story told over the years but a slipshod collection of half thought out ideas, none of them ever realized as well as they could have been while others should never have made it to the screen. Only the performances of actors like James Callis, Mary McDonnell, James Hogan and Edward James Olmos will endure, as they should, rising above the material that surrounded them.
Now, before I begin today’s interview this week’s DVD Giveaway is being brought to you by SWING VOTE on DVD. I have five (5) copies of this film to give out and if you’re interested in being considered for one just send me a note to Christopher_Stipp@yahoo.com and just put SWING VOTE in the subject line. Good luck and for those who would like to know about this film here is the synopsis:
Bud Johnson (Kevin Costner) is just your below-average Joe. He works in an egg factory, likes to knock back a few too many beers, and is a single parent to 12-year-old Molly (Madeline Carroll), a bright spitfire who does her best to keep her dad on the straight and narrow. Patriotic Molly insists that apathetic Bud do his civic duty and vote in the upcoming presidential election, a tight race between Republican incumbent Andrew Boone (Kelsey Grammer) and Democratic candidate Donald Greenleaf (Dennis Hopper). Soon the media and both candidates descend upon Bud’s hometown of Texico, New Mexico, when it’s determined that his vote wasn’t counted and will decide the outcome of the entire presidential election. Now that Bud is a ‘somebody’ – there’s even a ‘Bud Cam’ capturing his every move – will he be swayed by visits to Air Force One and the ‘Bud Ball’ held in his honor, or will he be the voice of the American people and vote for the better candidate?
Writer/director Joshua Michael Stern (NEVERWAS) tackles American politics in his second feature film. The lengths the candidates go to in order to win Bud’s vote are high points of the film, as they find themselves supporting initiatives that are completely opposed to their platforms at the urging of their campaign managers, played by Stanley Tucci and Nathan Lane. Grammer is well cast as Boone, and it’s a hoot to see counterculture icon Hopper in this light. Costner makes Bud likable despite the loser stereotype he personifies. But this film belongs to Carroll, a lovely young actress who can steal a scene with one look. If nothing else, SWING VOTE is a reminder that even though politics may be a game, every single vote really does count.
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Quiet.
It’s the best way to describe TWO LOVERS, a film that takes the archetype of a man torn between two women, one sultry while the other is, well, not, and turns it enough to make this movie one you have to seek out and watch. James Gray has crafted world where place and time actually matter, the environment seeps into every scene, and it enhances this timeless story of restlessness and the quest for finding the love you can call your own.
Starring Joaquin Phoenix, Gwyneth Paltrow and, today’s guest, Vinessa Shaw, the film is gingerly making its way through the art house circuit. You may have seen Vinessa in countless television or film productions, most recently her turns in 2006’s THE HILLS HAVE EYES and 2007’s 3:10 TO YUMA, and it is the latter film that most would probably recognize her from, albiet not in the most opportune way. Vinessa indirectly got caught up in a sort of Perv-Gate case between Internet blogger Jeff Wells and YUMA’s director, James Mangold. The particulars are there for you to see but it tickled me to see that almost a year later, when this film screened last year in May, his mention of the film added this footnote at the bottom of his comments: “Sidenote: anyone who chimes in about Shaw in a certain context — you know what I mean — will be banned for life from this website. Fair warning.” His reprint of this column, centering around the film’s debut a few weeks ago, noticeably had the above comment deleted.
Regardless, Vinessa is spectacular in every regard in this film. It’s harder, I would posit, to be demure and muted in a film when you’re having to go up against two other characters like Phoenix and Paltrow who made it their business to be known on the screen. Seek this one out. It’s one of the best films to come out this Winter.
VINESSA SHAW:Hi, Chris…
CHRISTOPHER STIPP:Hello…
SHAW:How are you?
CS:How are you doing and how’s your press day going?
SHAW:Good.Very good.Thanks for asking.
CS:Is this part of the job that you like or could do without?
SHAW:I actually like it.There’s such a long time from the end of shooting to the release that talking about it refreshes you and reminds you why you liked doing what you did in the film.
CS:One of the things I wanted to ask you because I know our time is not that great but I would like to jump right into the character that you play.Opposite of Gwyneth Paltrow ““ the two of you are set up as diametric opposites.You are the safe and sane bet and Gwyneth plays the sort of firecracker.What initially drew you to a story that we’ve seen so many times before?
SHAW:Well, I really appreciated the honesty with which James wrote the piece because I felt like everything I read now is tongue-in-cheek and filed with irony and I just felt that everybody was straightforward and honest.Even if they had a lot of skeletons in their closet they were honest and felt like the characters leapt off the page for me.And I really particularly liked how Sandra and Leonard related to each other.I really liked Sandra’s amazing self-confidence she had yet still maintained a sense of awkwardness about her in speaking with Leonard and I really just appreciated the real true relationships the people had in this movie.It was very honest even if it’s complicated.
CS:And definitely compared to something like The Hills Have Eyes where you had a large production…this seems a little bit quieter.
SHAW:It’s very quiet.When I read it I thought it felt like a Mike Nichols film or something from the 70’s which I later found out that James is a huge fan of 70’s film and intimacy that those films had.It was a pleasure and such a refreshing thing to read.
CS:James’s aim ““ and when you see the final piece ““ it does feel like a movie we haven’t seen in a long, long time.He’s not being ironic, like you said, he’s being honest and trying to capture this moment in time.How did you come to feel what James’s vision was for this movie?
SHAW:I didn’t know quite the scope of how he would be filming the film until I got on set.I really started to see how simply he wanted to portray the characters and how each person’s life was true to life.Michelle and her glitzy boyfriend, her world seemed very real to me.I don’t know.I felt the way that I encountered or understood the scope of what James was doing was really how I felt when I was in Leonard’s bedroom or the kind of clothes that I wore.So, James didn’t take me through it but he knew that he wanted me to be simple and not fussy in terms of her clothing and the way that she is ““ Sandra is so I think you see that how Sandra is herself.I wasn’t privy to any of the lighting or the scope of the scene but I could feel it when I was on the set in Brighton Beach ““ tiny little rooms and small corridors ““ it was very intimate and lent for intimacy in the scene.
CS:Your character has been described as dowdy, frumpy, all these sort of terms ““ not flattering but obviously part of the role – and Gwyneth is supposed to jump off the page with her exuberance and what have you.It got me thinking. Why isn’t dependable attractive in movies?I mean, I think I understand it.I’m no slouch and I can appreciate why chaste doesn’t sell well but I would figure that your character would be the one to appreciate ““ the crazy ladies in films always end up boiling bunnies and rabbits in your stew like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.Why isn’t safe attractive?
SHAW:I think, of course, that we want to go and see a movie and go into an adventuresome world where we can escape from our own trappings, but I think we have to see, and it’s comforting to see, that Leonard goes on a crazy journey but does return back home.
CS:Exactly.It’s always the after story.It’s never a happily ever after and I think it gets to the heart of the movie that James is trying to make a truthful movie.I would love to know what you saw with why James seems to love working with Joaquin.It’s a no-brainer why someone would not want to work with him but they’ve worked together so often ““ how does that relationship translate on set?
SHAW:They are almost familial.It’s almost like they are family.I feel that Joaquin really trusts James as a director and he has a small close group of friends and I know he considers James as one of them.James is someone he can really trust so I think he can play any character with James as the director andhe would know that whatever comes up on screen, he would feel comfortable with.I have head that Joaquin doesn’t see any of his movies.
CS:Really?
SHAW:Yes.He doesn’t watch any of his own films so I think that that plays a lot into whom he works with is that it’s if he feels comfortable on set with the person not really what happens on screen after the fact.
CS:How about you?Do you ever watch, re-watch, what you’ve been in for premiers or what have you?
SHAW:Yes.I don’t mind it at all.I enjoy it.The way I grew up, my mother would, because I was so rebellious as a kid with my mother ““ I started acting on the job.I didn’t go to any classes so my mother, I apologize to her now, but she had to be with me questioning her why would I do it that way, why take that stance on the character and she was fine, I will just record you and you can direct and judge yourself.So then she would record me for auditions before I would go in so I can make adjustments.So I’m very comfortable seeing myself play characters and having a more objective view of myself.
CS:Looking over your resume about where you’ve been for the last 15 years, you have been through a litany of television and film.How has life of an actor been as you look at how far you’ve come in the time you spent doing this?
SHAW:It’s so interesting because I think it’s all your perspective.Right now I feel like I’m just beginning.Maybe that is perhaps what makes an actor survive in this business ““ your constant curiosity and your tendency to feeling like that you have never arrived.I’m always feeling like I’m searching to play a more difficult character that would challenge me even more.So, looking back I feel like I’m just beginning.I feel like the training or roots have sunk in deep but I have yet to blossom into who I really am as an actor.I think I have yet to discover what that truly is.
CS:It’s a little awkward but it indirectly made me want to know who you were.So I had to find out I watched 3:10 to Yuma was taken aback.I had to find out what else you’ve been in and I found you’ve been at this now for years.And it’s funny, I’d love to get your take as to why, but there seems to be some actress who come right out of the gate with something that’s just huge and you look on their IMDB page it just two films and they are already in the latest Jerry Bruckheimer production.How has it been mentally to say, “You know what, I haven’t hit my plateau yet, I keep going, reaching…”
SHAW:I really enjoy it because I just cringe when people would say “the IT girl”.Any of those things, I never wanted to be a flash in the pan.I really wanted to have a career that had longevity so I did my very, very best to make that happen.It’s so easy to type cast anyone in this business.How you look or how you act and I just refused to be typecast and people wanted to make me the girl next door, then, “No, she’s the hot sexy girl, oh no, she’s the wacky comedic lady, no, she’s”¦”I just want to be an actor and be able to explore any kind of role I want to.
So, I made a huge effort to continue to be an actor and a director’s actor.So, I worked with people who would put me in that realm.I was very specific and it has taken a lot of crafting and time to do it that way because my full vision is to have a long career.It kind of freaked me out because I saw a lot of my peers go really fast and quick to the top.I would feel I wouldn’t have anything behind me to support the reason for me to be there.I am somebody who feels I need to work hard for what success I achieve.
BALTIMORE – Duff Goldman already has a plan for Kevin Smith’s birthday cake. The star of the Ace of Cakes dreams of delivering a frosted delight that will put all his baking skills to work. His design will blow away the masterpieces delivered to Roger Moore, Harry Potter and John Waters. What is it? First you’ll devour my chat with Duff before getting to the dessert.
Here’s a shot of his Tequila cake in case you haven’t seen the show.
His series has become a major hit for the Food Channel since it debuted three years ago. The half hour series takes us inside the Charm City Bakery. Unlike the channel’s other shows, he doesn’t teach us how to bake. Instead we marvel as his bohemian staff construct complicated birthday and wedding cakes. What’s the secret of his show still going strong while other reality shows hit fumes at this point?
“When the cameras are not there, we’re the same way,” Duff says. “We still fuck around just as much. We go on vacation. We do synchronized walking. The cameras just catch us doing what we do. I think it’s our honesty. A lot of people try to fool the public. We’ve gotten of criticism over the years for having a lack of drama. The drama is in the cake. We all love each other. We’re family. If there is any staff tension, that’s off camera. The drama is in the fact that we have these crazy cakes to make and a deadline to meet. Things are falling apart and we always fix them. I love it when they show cakes fall apart. What keeps it interesting is that its very real. It’s like The Truman Show. It’s a real reality show.”
Does this means that the upcoming episodes of Ace of Cakes won’t have Heidi and Spencer as his new bakers for season seven?
“Oh God, no!” He protests. He’s already dealt with MTV. “My Super Sweet Sixteen called the bakery and asked if they could film an episode with us. I was like, ‘If you bring one of those kids in here, I’ll throw them out.’ They were like, ‘You can’t do that. You can’t tell them to leave. This is a show about the kids doing what they do’. And I was like, ‘Well that’s fine. I don’t want to do it.’ It’s propagating this culture of disgustingness.”
We joke about how he could have lured the birthday brat into an oven like Hansel and Gretel. That would be great TV. He gets plenty of offers to pop up in other venues. He and the sly sous chef Geof Manthorne will appear in an upcoming episode of King of the Hill. But they don’t say yes to everything.
“There’s been a couple of offers from other type of venues and we’ve just turned them down. ‘We don’t think you’re that cool.'” Duff knows the catty nature of the internet. “People let us know that we’re not very cool. We can take that type of criticism because we like what we do.
“After season one I was really fucked up. I was reading those blogs and thinking, ‘Those people hate me.'” It went further than evil postings on the internet. “I had a death threat one time. This dude called the bakery. He said he was going to kill me. ‘Why’s that?’ He said, ‘You’re pretending to like your job. You and all your friends up there on your stupid little show. You got all this money. I’m going to kill you.’ This guy was really angry. I was trying to talk to him. I was like ‘I’m not loaded.’ The life that I lead is probably not what you think.”
Luckily the guy calmed down. But there’s numerous website threads dedicated to trashing Duff’s reputation. But he’s learning not to take let the haters win.
“We’ve never claimed that we’re the best cake decorators in the world,” Duff says. “I don’t think we are. We’re the most entertaining..” The show depends on Duff, Geof, Mary Alice, Katherine, Sherri and the rest of the staff having fun while working. This isn’t about intense perfectionists quietly tinkering away.
It does bothers Duff when the internet Haters doubt his sincerity when doing nice things on the show. He recently made a cake for Army soldiers stationed in Hawaii.
“Some people were really ripping us up by calling it a publicity stunt,” Duff says. “We got an email from a solider who had just returned from Iraq. He said he was deployed right when our show came out. Him and his family bonded over our show. His kids would write him saying there’s this crazy show on TV.. He didn’t know what show they were talking about. They’d write him every week and tell him what we were up to. When he got back, he watched all the shows. He was like, ‘These guys are really hilarious.’ He sent an email to the bakery saying, ‘If you’re ever in Hawaii, look us up. We’ll take out for shrimp.’
“Lost called. They wanted a cake.” They decided to meet their fans while in the land of Jack Lord. “If we’re going to be in Hawaii; instead of going out for shrimp, why don’t we make a cake for this guy and his family? He ran it up to his superiors and they asked if we can make a cake for the whole base.”
Maybe the insincerity of shows with Gene Simmons, Hulk Hogan and Tila Tequila have robbed us of thinking people on TV are capable of being nice without it being a media whore moment.
“Remember when Jay and Silent Bob were checking on the internet? I feel that way sometimes,” Duff says. “I really want to lash out. But at the same time, it’s fine. There’s so many that touch us in a positive way.”
Over the years the image of Baltimore has been shaped by the debauchery of John Waters and the seediness of The Wire. Has Ace of Cakes become beloved by the mayor’s office with young kids, gainfully employed and loving their life in the city?
?”Yes. Very much,” Duff said. “We’ve been fighting The Wire stigma. It’s such a good show, but why does it have to be about my town? Everything they showed was totally true from the government corruption to life on the street.” However Duff points out that not every neighborhood is controlled by Marlo’s soldiers. “Fells Point is great. Federal Hill is great.” He recommends visiting Little Italy for the bocce tournament.
Duff could have found himself as an extra on The Wire when he nearly bought a store next to methadone clinic. Luckily he found the location featured on his show. For those curious about the Charm City building; it was constructed in 1889 as a Lutheran Church. The main working space shown on TV is 5,000 sq. ft. They keep the thermostat around 66 degrees. There are two separate basements. One is used for the interviews and a workshop for non-food construction and painting. The other has the washing machines, TV crew’s bathroom and a recording studio for Duff’s band, soihadto. There’s a second floor space that was Duff’s pad. Now it’s where they stash all the t-shirts and other merchandise.
At the end of season five, the show focused on a possible Charm City West. Duff is still in the process of figuring out a location for a Los Angeles space. “We already do so much business out there. We’re flying back and forth. It’s grating. Why don’t we just open up out here? It’d be so much easier than what we’re doing now.” He’s taking his time since rent rates can be very outrageous in SoCal. He was quoted $500,000 key money and $18,000 a month for one empty restaurant. One location had a bar attached to it, but unlike the stars of A&E’s Miami Ink, Duff has no dream of owning a bar. “I’m a baker. This is what I do.”
Speaking of baking, how long can the cakes sit around the shop while being decorated? The show seems to have them on the prep pedestal a week before delivery.
“That’s the magic of television,” Duff says. “We don’t bake the cakes until later in the week – usually Wednesday and Thursday (and sometimes Friday) for a Saturday event. Monday and Tuesday we’re making all the decorations like sugar flowers, templates, all the engineering gets done before the ovens are turned on. The cake is fresh. With us being under the microscope, we have to make sure our cake tastes good.”
Viewers of the show mention that there’s never any focus on baking the cake. “A show about baking is pretty boring,” Duff declares. “The baking part is really monotonous and the same every time. The design of the cake is what appeals to television. What really appeals to our customers is the flavors. We have 50 flavors. We also have our In and Out Burger secret menu where you can call up and ask for anything you want. We’ll figure out how to make it.”
On the show, the gang have made quite a few grotesque cakes especially for area doctors who enjoy severed limbs on their special day. Have there been cakes that the Food Network executives have nixed from airing? Will there be a Pay-Per-View Ace of Cakes: Too Creamy for TV?
“If that’s happened, I’ve never heard of it,” Duff swears. “We really don’t do X-rated cakes. It’s just a waste of time. We’ve seen most of that stuff and it’s really gross. If we did it; we’d do it really well and kinda cool.”
While the show does its best to be real, Duff admits to a moment that had to be toned down for TV. During the episode where they delivered Roger Moore a cake at the United Nations, the hotel housekeeping ate their extra cakes.
“That was one time when people were emailing me saying, “That wasn’t real.” My reaction that was shown on TV wasn’t real,” Duff confesses. “My real reaction? They couldn’t use a word of it. I was screaming at that manager threatening to cut his balls off and blow up his hotel. They don’t want to show me doing that. I don’t do that except maybe once every year.”
Should we fear that any day now TMZ will release Duff’s greatest rants?
“I’m sure there’s a lot of Christian Bale moments that will crop up. Not even of me freaking out. I’m usually really filthy on camera. We’re always dropping innuendoes, but keeping a real straight face when we’re doing it. We hide little tiny fondant dicks all over the bakery, hoping the camera will catch one of these and nobody will see them during editing.”
Forget the hidden Mickeys at Disneyland, now you know that you can play the hidden penis game while watching reruns of Ace of Cakes. He’s been saucy on the show.
“The first episode of the first season Sherri and I were making a non-edible dinosaur with pipe, rope and modeling chocolate,” Duff says. “It was a centerpiece for the Children’s Center in Baltimore. They wanted to keep it for five years. We macramed the legs and tail with rope. As we were doing it, I said, ‘You know this reminds me of the bong I made in college.’ The episode aired and that line was in there. I was like, ‘Oh my God. They got me saying bong on TV. Everybody is going to think I’m a stoner.'”
Did Duff have to beg forgiveness from the people of China like his homeboy Michael Phelps?
“Not at all,” Duff declares. “I think they’re giving Michael a really hard time.” We joke about how Phelps should have stuck to pot brownies. No sponsor would drop him for a photo of baked goods in his mouth.
Does Duff have to be extra careful now that he’s a public figure to avoid getting into trouble like a drunk driving charge? Does he stash plenty of cab fare cash to avoid Ty Pennington headlines?
“I don’t drink. I’m allergic to alcohol,” Duff said. He is still amazed at Thomas Keller’s food magic from his tenure at The French Laundry in Napa Valley. Towards the end, he felt isolated in the area. “The only thing in Napa Valley is wine. You go out to eat and all you do is talk about wine.” Being allergic to wine really doesn’t make it that much fun of a prime topic. He mentions that if you are in Napa Valley, visit Francis Ford Coppola’s winery to check out the second floor museum.
If you see his band soihadto at a local club, don’t feel obligated to buy him a beer. Duff doesn’t hang out by the bar while on the road. “My band makes fun of me because before a show, I’ll sit in the van and read. We’ll get on stage and play. We’ll break down the equipment and I’ll get back in the van and read.” If you’re curious about their sound and upcoming tour dates, visit www.soihadto.com
Unlike Anthony Bourdain, do not think you can get tight with Duff by ragging on Racheal Ray. During one show he had to deal with an loudmouth opening act who realized that the identity of the headliner’s bass player as “That cake guy.”
“They ripped apart the Food Network while they were on stage,” Duff said. “They were saying especially mean stuff about Racheal Ray. They never mentioned me. They were just saying awful things about her. I got up on stage while the talking was going on. I got in their bass player’s face. “Seriously, lay off.’ I wasn’t looking for a fight. We were filming so my camera crew was there.”
The band shut up and played their music. While Duff was setting up his equipment for their set, the opening act bass player stepped up to the stage.
“‘So you got anything else to say?,'” Duff quotes the guy. “He’s got these two huge dudes behind him. ‘I’m not trying to fight. I found what you said offensive and I wanted to put an end to it. I’m not trying to get into a bar fight with you.’ I look up and I see that behind the goons is our entire camera crew. They’re all L.A. nasty camera crew guys not to be fucked with. There’s 11 of them. I said, ‘Actually on second thought, fuck you!’ I pushed the guy. And then his two goon go toward the stage and 11 pairs of hands grab them all and pull them back. The guy turns around and sees his buddies wrapped up in 11 guys and was like ‘Oh shit.’ And that was it.”
Don’t mess with that cake guy.. Unlike stars who use their fame to get a singing career like Joaquin Phoenix and Lindsay Lohan, the band came before the frosting fame.
“The rock and roll was way before the bakery,” Duff said. “I started the bakery out of my apartment just so I could be able to set my own hours and block off dates when I could go on tour.”
His sous chef Geof hooked up with Duff so he can also have a job that allowed him to be in a band. Most of the Charm City crew are in bands. Unlike many jobs where the boss gives you the talk about choosing between your career and your hobby, Duff insists on the opposite. “The way it’s set up is at any point anybody can go and do whatever they do. Be it a synchronized swimming show, a music show or an art show. It makes me happy knowing that from day one that this place is an excuse so we can all live rock star lives. Now it’s even better. Whenever I have a speaking engagement, I take my band with me. We book a show at whatever city we might be in.”
I bring up the nightmare that his show on Food Network might be the longest lead in for an episode of Throwdown with Bobby Flay. Does he have this fear that he’s being scammed into thinking he has a show on the channel like the unwitting cooks on that series?
“No,” Duff laughs. “I’ve tried to get on and they won’t let me. I’ve cooked as long as I’ve baked. Let Bobby choose the throwdown and I’ll do it. They’re like, “We can’t. If (Bobby) loses it’s kinda an Iron Chef thing and it makes him look bad because the cake guy beat him at something culinary.” And if Duff wins, Bobby merely beat the cake guy. There’s no justice for a man with fondant stained fingers.
Has he been approached to tag team on a very special episode of Iron Chef? “I’d love to. They’re talking about a lot more of that stuff.” We can only hope that this holiday season Duff joins forces with Michael Symon to create a deep fried pork cake wrapped in bacon.
The seventh season of Ace of Cakes is about to go into production. Duff will soon visit to Alaska to help him research a cake that celebrates the anniversary of its statehood. He’s scheduled to take part in many native sports including dog sledding. “They want me to discover Alaska beyond Northern Exposure.” Will he whip up a baked Alaska while in the 49th state? “I have when I was a pastry chef at a hotel. It’s a weird mom thing. I was in Colorado and they loved the baked Alaska.”
Many recent fans of Ace of Cakes are shocked to see Duff and Geof losing on old episodes of Challenge. But unlike many of the other pastry chefs that looked like they’ll bust a blood vessel if they didn’t get the medal; Duff and Geof were easy going no matter the outcome.
“We always lost, but we never played to win,” Duff says. “We went there to have a good time. The people we were competing against were vastly superior to us. We would always keep an eye on all the other decorators because they were showing us stuff that we would never know about.” The competition became Duff and Geof’s master classes.
Duff has also learned from another master: Kevin Smith.
“I’m a Kevin Smith freak,” Duff declares. “I have all his DVDs of him doing talks. When I do a speaking engagement, I pretty much base them on how Kevin does his.” An Evening with Kevin Smith is better than the Toastmasters Speeches Guide.
What sort of birthday cake would be make the director of Dogma?
“I would do a very realistic life-size bust of Ben Affleck with that shit eating grin on his face. I’d have him saying something really smart ass.”
Write your Senator to make this brilliant project a reality. The world needs to know what’s the flavor of Ben Affleck’s brains.
Towards the end of the conversation, we discuss how Ace of Cakes took over from the numerous tattoo shop reality shows. These are shows about people wanting something close to them turned into an object of art with the help of others. The big difference being the lack needles. What makes Cakes special is the lack of dead weight in the shop. Everybody has talent and does their best to make a cake work.
I feel bad about my sloppy cake making skills. My frosting looks like California mudslides. Instead of running off to the circus, I wanted to flee to Charm City and cover my life in fondant. Maybe Duff has a need for a full-time taste tester?
Unlike HBO’s Cathouse, visitors aren’t welcomed to drop by Charm City Cakes. They’re pretty busy inside. There’s no public tours. We joke about how it’s like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. They do get plenty of tourists taking snapshots of the bakery and sometimes the modern Oompa-Loompas will appear.
“If we’re not busy, I’ll stick my head out and say hi to somebody that’s taking a picture,” Duff said.” If somebody rings the bell and we don’t have an appointment, we won’t answer the door. We don’t do tours because this is where we work.”
FUGITIVE CUES
Plenty of people were upset about the replacement score on The Fugitive: Season 2, Volume 1. The music was a victim for Capitol disbanding their needle drop package. But it seems like the folks at CBS DVD have figured out what original music can by kept on the soundtrack. They sent me over a note for folks who want this new version of the DVDs:
In response to fans of the classic TV series THE FUGITIVE, CBS DVD is offering a new version of Season 2, Volume 1 – with much of the original music restored – free to purchasers of the initial release. We hope they concur that we not only put TV DVD on a pedestal, but also our customers. To obtain the new version, go to www.fugitivedvdreplacement..com and follow the instructions.
You only have to send in the proof of purchases to get the replacement discs.
BLU-RAY HEAVEN
The Boondock Saints Blu-ray is a major step up from what I saw on DVD nearly a decade ago. This tale of two Irish brothers going after the Russian mob in Boston is a comedy dripping in blood and bullets. What saves this over the top film is Norman Reedus and Sean Patrick Flanery being so likable as the violent brothers who view themselves as doing the Lord’s work. Willem Dafoe is spectacular as the police detective who channels the crime scene to expose the mayhem. He knows how to chew up a scene like a shark. He goes so over the top that the script appears normal. Ron Jeremy has another one of his legendary cinematic deaths. Will he ever live long enough to make a sequel? The bonus features include outtakes and deleted scenes. Fans of the early days of the Comedy Channel will be in awe of extra minutes of Jimmy Tingle as the confessional priest.
The French Connection Blu-ray brings the 1971 Best Picture Oscar winner to a new color palate. Director William Friedkin has digitally tweaked it by a process demonstrated on a bonus feature. Purists will argue that he defiled the film. The last time I saw a 35mm print, the red shift had taken effect. Friedkin’s given the film an even gritty color chart. I like it. The film has New York cops Popeye Doyle (Gene Hackman) and Buddy Russo (Roy Scheider) stumble across a major heroin shipment. The mobsters are hooked up with a Frenchman (Fernando Rey). The highlight of the film involves Popeye chasing after an elevated train. The glory of this chase is only heightened in the bonus features when they confess that they didn’t quite close the streets. This was not a closed course. The Blu-ray will bug people who have grain issues. They didn’t use many lights.. The film is pushed thus really visible grain in these low level moments. There’s a second Blu-ray disc packed with documentaries about the film. Friedkin revisits the scene of the chase. All of the bonus features from the earlier five star edition DVD have been brought over.
French Connection II Blu-ray could be subtitled Popeye Doyle’s Really Bad European Vacation. New York’s best narcotics cop has arrived in France to hunt down Fernando Rey. However Popeye’s got issues on his pursuit since he doesn’t know the language or the streets of Marsailles. He’s not allowed to carry a gun. Things go bad when he’s snagged by Rey’s crew. Instead of killing Popeye, Rey gets him hooked on heroin. Can Popeye escape, survive cold turkey and capture Rey? John Frankenheimer took over the directorial chores from Friedkin. He used plenty of lights so there’s no major grain on this 1080p transfer.. Before his death in 2002, Frankenheimer recorded a commentary track for the film. His career in film and TV is covered in another bonus feature.
Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder Blu-ray is the fourth movie featuring the cast of the defunct animated sci-fi series. Amy Wong’s dad plans to take out an arm of the Milky Way in order to expand his miniature golf course. While protesting this, Fry gets into an industrial accident. Instead of being injured, he can now read minds. This leads him to his new career as a pro Poker player. Him and Bender discover that winning doesn’t make you popular. “The League of Mad Fellows” arrive to take the story into another dimension. Folks who’ve collected the first three will be pleased how the final feature turns out. Hopefully Fox will make another batch. They can’t let Bender perish into the hiatus void. There’s plenty of bonus features on the Blu-ray. A deleted scene is called “Dolomite Hill.” There’s a short about Matt Groening experiencing zero gravity. “Zapp Brannigan’s Guide to Making Love At A Woman” has clips from the master of seduction. You might want this on your iPhone to reference during a hot date.
Igor Blu-ray is a cute CGI animated feature. John Cusack voices a hunchbacked Igor who dreams of being a mad scientist. However society demands he merely throws the switch. He gets his chance to create a hideous monster, but finds himself a victim of politics. Steve Buscemi cracks me up as the animated cat. Steve ought to voice a new version of Crusader Rabbit. Jay Leno plays a king who decides his country’s best export is fear. It’s better than an economy based on Beanie Babies. John Cleese and Eddie Izzard voice mad scientists. Those English actors are always criminally insane.
The Pink Panther: Collector’s Edition Blu-Ray brings the sophisticated jewel heist comedy to the next level. This is still the best of the Pink Panther films because David Niven keeps it from turning into a complete farce. No matter how foolish Peter Sellers becomes as Inspector Clouseau, Niven has his suave attitude to cushion the slapstick. There’s also two saucy actresses to keep the action sexy. Capucine is Clouseau’s wife. She’s also Niven’s partner in crime. Claudia Cardinale is the princess with the Pink Panther diamond necklace. She is so tasty while smothering her tiger skin rug. While watching this in 1080p, you should have a bottle of champagne next to the remote control. The bonus features from the movie boxset are included. A new feature is an interview with a real jewel thief. He robbed Phyllis Diller. Now that’s would make a great movie. There’s also a DVD version, but you’ll want the Blu-ray to enjoy the lavish view of the Alps.
DVD Shelf
The Pink Panther Classic Cartoon Collection is a 9 DVD set that contains all the Pink Panther, The Inspector, The Ant & The Aardvark and Roland & Ratfink shorts. This is a megaload with 192 cartoons. The Pink Panther is always cool with his silent and sly ways. The fact that he refuses to talk makes these cartoons perfect for watching while people are being noisy in the room. The Inspector was a semi-spin off of Inspector Clouseau. They don’t draw him to look like Peter Sellers or even the animated Inspector that pops up in the title sequences for the Pink Panther movies. Pat Harrington (One Day At A Time) voiced the character. The Ant & The Aardvark was a chase cartoon. Warner animation legend lifted a few Tweety and Sylvester scripts on a few of these cartoons. John Byner did both voices. He made the Ant sound like Dean Martin while the Aardvark comes off as Jackie Mason. Roland and Ratfink spoofs the old flickers with the hero and villain characters. Lennie Weinrib vocalized both characters. He’s best known for mouthing H.R. Pufnstuf. This one cartoon that I still don’t think was that great. I wished they’d given us Misterjaw instead. The Pink Panther cartoons alone are worth it. There’s also a coupon for 2 tickets to Pink Panther 2 that’s good until the end of March.
What Just Happened lets us in on two weeks of Art Linson’s life. He’s the producer that brought us Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Fight Club. In this semi-fictionalized account (Robert DeNiro plays Linson), he’s stuck between two difficult films. Michael Wincott is deep into post-production of a Sean Penn film The test screening audience was revolted at the ending that involves a dog being shot. The studio wants it pulled. The director refuses to budge. A second project is not going to get off the ground if Bruce Willis doesn’t shave his beard. This is an inside the studio account of what it takes for even a big time producer to appease the system. DeNiro also gets to juggle two ex-wives and a naughty new friend (Moon Bloodgood). The film is enjoyable, but it comes off as a pilot for an HBO series. It’s like Entourage for grown ups. The commentary track with Barry Levinson and Linson is better than any talk you’ll get in film school from the schmuck who directed an episode of Charles In Charge. The Blu-ray makes the dog killing look exceptionally disturbing.
How to Lose Friends and Alienate People alienated me with its title and trailer. This film promoted itself as Simon Pegg is the world’s biggest jerk. Why would I pay to see Toby Young’s lifestory? You might know Young as the prick English judge on this season of Bravo’s Top Chef. I find the guy another worthless import who is all hype and no pipe. Did you see when he talked about Tom Cruise’s cameo in Tropic Thunder? Cameo? A cameo is when Hitchcock pops up on the screen for a few seconds. Tom Cruise was a supporting actor. He might have been in disguise, but he was on the screen for critical scenes. Guess you don’t have to answer movie trivia to get though customs. However Pegg’s character has more personality than the real Toby. They really needed to change the name of this film to let us know the real story. How about Simon Pegg Wants to Hump Megan Fox? That’s the basic story. Pegg writes for a Vanity Fair magazine. He meets the up and coming actress and wants to nail her. Of course there are things in the way like Gillian Anderson (X-Files) and her little yappy dog. There’s also a jerk editor and a sweet co-working girl (Kirsten Dunst) that take him off his game. Who cares about the book title in America? What guy couldn’t relate to what is it going to take to shag along with Ms. Fox? Toby Young being a movie moron relates his tale with La Dolce Vita. That’s so wrong. His lifestory is a retread of The Apartment. Except he’s no Jack Lemmon. He’s not even Fred MacMurray.
The Haunting of Molly Hartley has a high schooler discover that her parents made a deal with the devil over her birth. Maternity hospitals are rather expensive and Satan does offer attractive rates to cover the deductible. Molly starts having problems at her privates school. The film is so goofy that it deserves a drinking game. That Chace Crawford guy from Gossip Girl is the school hunk. What deal has he made with Satan? The stand out performer is Nina Siemaszko. How delightful to witness the star of Wild Orchid II: Two Shades of Blue playing such a convincing school counselor.
Dead Like Me: Life After Death is a movie follow up to the Showtime series that ended in 2004. George Lass (Ellen Muth) died when a toilet seat fell from space and hit her on the head. Instead of going to heaven, she works as a reaper. She helps the recently departed make the transition. She finds herself working for a new handler. It’s Desmond from Lost (Henry Ian Cusick). She doesn’t trust the guy, but the rest of the crew are in lust over him. The new boss wants them to boost up the numbers even if it means bending the rules. Is George willing to compromise? It’s one of the better movie continuations of a defunct series. You can also get this movie as part of Dead Like Me: The Complete Collection that includes its two seasons.
Return of the Man From U.N.C.L.E..: The Fifteen Years Later Affair is another TV movie continuation of a canceled series. This one originally aired back in 1983. That it makes it the 25th anniversary of the 15 years later. Or 40 years since Man From U.N.C.L.E. was canceled. Napoleon Solo (Robert Vaughn) and Illya Kuryakin (David McCallum) are called back into the spy game when Thrush strikes. Geoffrey Lewis (the man who isn’t Robert Pine) captures a nuclear warhead. Patrick Macnee (The Avengers) is now in charge of U.N.C.L.E. George Lazenby semi-revives his James Bond role. Anyone who bought last year’s Man From U.N.C.L.E.: The Complete Series needs this to truly complete their briefcase.
Family Ties: The Fifth Season brings us the genius of Nick! “Mrs. Wrong” has Mallory rushing off to New Jersey to marry Nick. Who knew the Garden State is also for elopers? Only two more seasons to wrap up the series. “My Brother’s Keeper” has Alex choosing between his frat and Skippy. The Greeks want to make Skippy their “Big Stooge.” As if being on the show didn’t make Skippy already a mega-dork. “It’s My Party” has Tina Yothers learns to be cool as a Valley Girl. Those were the days when it was cool to be Moon Unit Zappa. There’s 30 episodes here. Only two more seasons to go before the series is wrapped up.
Caroline and The City: The Second Season should be dedicated for all the single ladies who love their kitties. The season has Caroline dating her vet. Is that the dream marriage of these women? The big cat highlight involves David Hyde Pierce (Fraizer) in “Caroline and the Cat Dancer.” He’s an IRS auditor assigned to investigate Annie. He dreams of making the Broadway stage. He promises to give Annie a clean bill if she can get him an audition for Cats. She’s in that show. He’s hilarious when they slap on the fur. This is a nice gift for your cousin who always sends Christmas cards telling you everything her cats did over the last year.
Nash Bridges: The Second Season reminds us that Cheech Marin was the real star of this show. Sure Don Johnson plays the title character, but it’s all about Cheech in the completely strange role as the law. Who could have imagined the star of Up In Smoke would be wearing a badge in a semi-serious TV drama? After an extremely short first season that had only 8 episode, there’s 23 caseloads in this boxset. “Internal Affairs” has Danny Trejo in a really short role.. He survives long enough to show off his massive senorita in the sombrero tattoo. “25 Hours of Christmas” is a very special episode since Tracey Walter (Repo Man) plays an angel. Madonna’s original sperm donor, Carlos Leon is a auto mechanic. The big ending has Cheech performing with a band featuring Clarence Clemons (Bruce Springsteen) and Carmine Appice (Vanilla Fudge). The show doesn’t try to be as intense as Miami Vice even though they have Eddie Jobson (Prog Rock Vet) composing the score. Nash Bridges is a cop show that Jimmy Buffet would produce.
Whale Wars is an Animal Planet series about people putting themselves between the Japanese harpoons and whales. Sometimes you forget that these giant water mammals are still hunted. The crew of the Steve Irwin are passionate about their mission. They’re willing to get shot and rammed if it means distracting the hunters. What’s disgusting is how a Japanese whaling ship has “Research” painted on the side. The captain was thrown out of Green Peace for being too aggressive. He formed Sea Shepherd to keep up the fight. These guys know they might be killed on the high seas around Antarctica by whalers.
7th Heaven: The Eighth Season brings us more troubles from a Reverend’s family. For this outing we have Stephen Collins (Star Trek: The Motion Picture) deal with his son being in a terrible auto accident. There’s babysitting issues. The big startling things is somebody gets to become grandparents.. This show was so squeaky clean that the DVDs are pine scented.
GIVEAWAY TIME
The fine folks at CBS DVD have given us 5 copies of Nash Bridges: The Second Season. In order to win a copy of you have to answer the following question: What type of tires did Cheech have to buy for Don Johnson’s car? And what’s my favorite guest star of this season? Would you like a hint? She released an album. Send the two answers in an email to mokaha@aol.com by March 2. Have “Nash Bridges Giveaway Rocks My World” in the subject title. Employees of Party Favors, Tommy Chong and Philip Michael Thomas are not eligible.
I’m Ken Plume, and soon you’ll be listening to “A Bit Of A Chat” with me, Ken Plume.
In this episode, I’m having a bit of a chat with comedian, actor, and musician Tim Minchin.
Like chocolate and peanut butter, he’s one of those rare breed of stand-ups that have hit upon the sweet combination of comedy and music, and over the last few years he’s brought his nouveau-cabaret act to audiences that have explosively grown in size and loyalty in both Britain and his native Australia.
He’s set his sights on the US next, so be the first on your block to be hip to a wonderful performer I can best describe as combining equal parts theatricality, musicianship, and glorious bombast. Minchin is the Meat Loaf of comedy.
I’d recommend you head over to his official website, www.TimMinchin.com, and do your best to acquire his recent live DVD, So Fucking Rock – and his new album, Ready For This? – Live at the Queen Elizabeth Hall, London.
Here now is my chat with Tim Minchin… Hope you enjoy…
Oh no! Just when you thought it was safe to hang out at FRED…
Cabin Fever (hosted by the twisted souls Brian Fitzpatrick and Aaron Poole) is the result of having too much time on your hands and access to your local community radio station.
Over the course of an hour, they manage to trawl the depths of good taste, plus throw some music in. How much more could you want from a podcast?… Quality? Oh… we didn’t think of that.
Enjoy! And we hope our cross Atlantic friends can understand the Irish accent 😉
Hugs and Kisses,
Aaron P. + Rev. Fitzy
CABIN FEVER #58: Easy Cheesy Does It – While the boys are both horrified and fed by a new taste test from Iowa, they still manage to talk at length about the Oscars, LOST, and possible future interactive fun-time happy things to do for the listeners. Oh, and Brian is back. So win/lose, really.
[CONTENT WARNING]:Explicit contents! We say every naughty word you can think of. You have been warned!
Welcome to our weekly round-up of featured giveaways here at Quick Stop. Every Wednesday, we’ll present a new clutch of DVDs, books, and other cool stuff you can take a shot at winning. All you have to do is click on the graphics below to be taken to their respective contest pages. And good luck!
In conjunction with Warner bros. Home Video, we’re giving away two (2) WONDER WOMAN Tiaras in support of the new direct-to-DVD animated movie WONDER WOMAN.
In conjunction with Summit Home Entertainment, we’re giving away one (1) copy of SEX DRIVE on DVD signed by star SETH GREEN, and two (2) unsigned copies to runner-ups.
In conjunction with Summit Home Entertainment, we’re giving away one (1) copy of SEX DRIVE on DVD signed by star SETH GREEN, and two (2) unsigned copies to runner-ups.
Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 18th.
CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!
Official Rules
No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.
No Purchase necessary to win.
Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.
One entry per day, per person.
All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 18th.
The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.
In conjunction with Warner bros. Home Video, we’re giving away two (2) WONDER WOMAN Tiaras in support of the new direct-to-DVD animated movie WONDER WOMAN.
Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 18th.
The tiara looks like the one below, and features a light-up star. The WONDER WOMAN animated movie is in stores on March 3, 2009, and you can visit the official website at www.wonderwomanmovie.com.
CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!
Official Rules
No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.
No Purchase necessary to win.
Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.
One entry per day, per person.
All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 18th.
The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.
When it comes to unique and unusual collectibles, you can’t beat the uber-cool rayguns from Weta. You know Weta, the guys that did the props and designs for the Lord of the Rings films, as well as King Kong. George Lucas has Lucasfilms, Peter Jackson has Weta.
One of their very cool lines is the Dr. Grordbort’s Rayguns. Based on the general concept of the old time science fiction guns of the 30’s, 40’s and 50’s, these are all original designs that use proper materials to make as realistic of a gun as possible, short of being able to disintegrate your enemies. All that realism costs though, and the usual full size raygun will run you any where from $700 for the Manmelter pistol, to $4500 for the Blunderbuss.
For those of us barely avoiding being committed by our families, buying one of these would be one step too far. But Weta has come up with an alternateive, ‘mini-rayguns’ that are identical in design to the big boys, but only 1/4 the size (and not nearly as complex). There have been two released at past SDCC events: the mini Manmelter from 2007, and the Goliathan at SDCC 2008. The Manmelter is long sold out, but you can still pick up the Goliathan from their site, as well as the newest in the series, the F.M.O.M. Wave Disrupter Gun.
If you have any questions or comments, drop me a line at mwc@mwctoys.com, or check out my site at Michael’s Review of the Week. You can also follow me on Twitter, where I’ll post info on new stuff, as well as links to new reviews.
F.M.O.M. Wave Disrupter Gun
If you’re a fan of the quarter scale Star Wars weapons that Gentle Giant produced, then these little buggers will be right up your alley. Weta doesn’t make a ton of these, and this version is limited to just 900.
Packaging – ***1/2
These come in excellent boxes, with great graphics done in a cool retro style. The gun itself is wrapped and packed tight to help avoid damage, but you’ll want to unpack it VERY carefully. You could end up damaging it just by removing the several twisty ties.
Sculpting – ****
These sculpts are all quite intricate, with fine wires, tubes, and doohickeys everywhere. Many of these small pieces are quite fragile, made from soft metal. The entire gun is made from metal, actually, with quite a bit of heft and weight to it. The scale works well with varioius quarter scale figures too, although it’s heavy enough to make it tough for them to hold it upright. The gun is about 3″ long, small enough to fit entirely in the palm of your hand.
Paint – ***1/2
I’m not sure if ‘paint’ is the right word, since the gun has a unique finish that makes it appear old and worn. There’s even some fake rust in a few spots, as though it’s owner hasn’t been keeping it clean between uses.
There are additional paint details too, on various wires and tubes. There’s even a small white dial, although on very close inspection you can see that the detail is a bit weak. Still, to the nekkid eye, it looks pretty damn good.
Design/Quality – ****
All metal? How can you go wrong! As I said, the gun designs themselves are all extremely unique, and yet they capture that 30’s sci-fi serials feel perfectly. I think I might like the Goliathan just a little better than the F.M.O.M., but that’s more a matter of artistic taste than basic quality or design.
There’s also a metal stand included which holds the gun up in a perfect position for display on your shelf. The style and color of the stand matches with the gun, and it includes the name of the weapon on the base.
Value – **
Yes, these are really cool, no doubt about it. But they aren’t cheap, even the little guys. Sixty bucks might not seem like a lot, but let’s keep in mind that these are only 3″ long – not exactly a huge hunk of metal. The first mini-raygun was $30, which was a much more appropriate price. I can even see $40, but $60? That’s a slight stretch.
Things to Watch Out For –
As I mentioned earlier, the gun has lots of soft metal tiny pieces that can easily be bent or broken off. Be especially careful when taking the gun out of the box for the first time. All the packing material keeps it safe in shipping, but if you’re too impatient it can also cause its own brand of damage.
Overall – ***1/2
Hey, I’ll admit it – I love these little guys. I’d love to have one of the full scale versions, but I already sold a kidney to afford my Hot Toys habit. I’m smart enough to know that a herion addict shouldn’t take up crack as a second hobby, so I’ll be sticking with the little versions.
Where to Buy –
Your best bet is the Weta site, where it can be had for about $60 US.
Related Links:
I looked at the Goliathan last year.
Welcome back to TV or Not TV where I am now very pleased with Dollhouse.
Even though I have close ties to the show I have to admit that I wasn’t thrilled with the premiere when it aired on 2/13. The show was good, it told a story, but there was something that was missing from the mix. It is one of those things that is most annoying because it is very hard to put a finger on what was missing, aside from the trade mark blend of drama and humorthat is usually injected into a Joss Whedon project. There was also something in the storytelling that just felt forced. Even after re-watching I still couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was that was bothering me.
After seeing this past week’s episode of Dollhouse I can definitely say that whatever it was that I felt was missing is new present. From what I have read and from what I have heard this past episode, titled The Target, was the original pilot of the show (with some changes I’m sure to accommodate last week’s episode Ghost) and it certainly served the purpose of explaining what the show is and what it is about. It fleshed out for us why Boyd Langton was brought to be the handler for Echo, it made the tech Topher Brink far less annoying, and FBI Agent Paul Ballard came across as a much stronger character than what we saw in Ghost.
Another thing we were given was a real bad guy to watch out for in the form of Active gone bad Alpha, who sees something more to Echo than what we see on the surface. Alpha also appears to be a bad guy who is also on a mission since he appears to be manipulating things to enhance the FBI discovery of the Dollhouse as well as setting up the chain of events that made up the entire episode of The Target.
The pilot for the show was just an appetizer. This past episode for a full meal. It set things up AND sets them in motion. This episode I walked away from very satisfied.
I suppose what I am trying to say is that if you gave Dollhouse a chance and didn’t come back for more, you might want to reconsider.
Now that we’ve gotten that bit out of the way let’s see what the week holds for us.
MONDAY
AMC – 8:00 PM: It’s Dirty Harry week on AMC and tonight they are running the one that started it all with Harry Callahan going up against the Zodiac inspired Scorpio killer.
NBC – 9:00 PM:Parkman uses his mind powers to make HRG spill the beans on why he is helping with the capture of those with abilities. I’m hoping they treat this like Parkman walking through revealing events in Noah’s mind but I’m sure they’ll just give us more of the flashback style crud.
TUESDAY
ABC/NBC/CBS/FOX – 9:00 PM E / 6:00 PM P: Join me as the nation holds its breath while waiting to hear what our President has to say in his first official State of the Union address.
TNT – 10:00 AM: If you haven’t caught the TNT show Leverage than you can watch an all-day marathon leading up to the 10 PM finale.
AMC – 8:00 PM: Tonight Harry Callahan is going up against vigilante cops in Magnum Force.
WEDNESDAY
ABC – 9:00 PM: Ever since I learned the names of the episodes this season for LOST the one I’ve really been looking forward to is The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham. Tonight we find out what Locke did before taking his lined pine box nap.
AMC – 8:00 PM: Still haven’t gotten your Dirty Harry fill? The Enforcer had rocket-armed radicals and hostages on Alcatraz long before The Rock existed.
THURSDAY
SCIFI – 7:00 PM: I have no idea why SciFi is running four hours of Battlestar Galactica from last year, but four hours BSG is still four hours of BSG.
NBC – 8:00 PM: If you didn’t pick up the Kung Fu Panda DVD set than tonight is your chance to see Secrets of the Furious Five for the low low price of nothing (if you can handle commercial interruptions).
HIST – 10:00 PM: Get ready for the second season of Ax Men with the Road to Season 2. Nothing says, “I feel very unmanly” more than this show.
AMC – 8:00 PM: Faster than you can say, “Go ahead. Make my day.” it’s time for Sudden Impact.
FRIDAY
VHI1 – 6:00 PM:Black to the Future is a four part series that takes a look at contributions of the black community to pop culture from the 80’s through today.
BET – 8:00 PM: Although the social commentaries on race seemed shoe horned in to the movie I still found Inside Man to be very clever movie.
AMC – 8:00 PM:Dirty Harry is back for one last film as he protects a newswoman and others on a celebrity hit list in The Dead Pool.
SATURDAY
AMC – 8:00 PM:Blazing Saddles followed by Caddyshack? It’s like my childhood memories are responsible for programming AMC tonight.
SUNDAY
NBC – 7:00 PM:Andy Samburg hosts Saturday Night Live Short Films, a look back at a lot of the shorts, commercial parodies and other pre-taped bits from the shows run. Seriously, the guy who brought us Laser Cats is the best candidate to host this?
LIFE – 8:00 PM:Rosie O’Donnell plays a psychiatrist who helps a troubled boy in the foster care system in America.
NBC – 9:00 PM: Show producers once again stretch the term celebrity with another edition of The Celebrity Apprentice. I don’t know what is more shocking, Joan Rivers appearance or that they still call Andrew Dice Clay a celebrity.
– Will Wilkins wrote this from the beauty of South Lake Tahoe.
SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.
SModcast 77: Nipple Rot –
In which our heroes trudge through the DMZ, examine various creams and elixirs, and rocket into the future.
[CONTENT WARNING]SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.
The Oscars are coming, whether we like it (or care) or not. The disappointment felt by fans and the event’s organizers over the snub of The Dark Knight has finally died down and the campaigning has hit the home stretch, even if the economy has subdued the usual onslaught of in-your-face begging this time around (thank God).
I never subscribed to the notion that The Dark Knight had to get the big nominations to vindicate it as a good film or to somehow make the Oscars relevant to current audiences. But the films that were nominated were one of the weakest sets of nominees in recent history. Be that as it may, I do think I have figured out the logic – instead of giving us a film to root for in The Dark Knight, the Academy has given us something better; a film to root against.
I am speaking, of course, of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, one of the most excruciating 3 hours you’ll ever spend in a theater and I’m counting watching uncensored footage of Nazi war atrocities. Based on a story by F. Scott Fitzgerald, the movie follows in the tradition of films like The Bridges of Madison County in that you could probably read the original story enough times to memorize it in the time it takes to get to the final reel. The Academy saw fit to give this cinematic forced march 13 nominations, the most of any film in the mix this year. The only choice that could have possibly been a bigger slap in the face to any other potential nominee would have been to nominate the mini-series masquerading as theatrical film, Australia. Thankfully, there’s a cash crisis at the moment which means there isn’t enough money in Hollywood to buy that thing an Oscar, even if they did manage to slap in one of the film’s stars as host this year.
Back to the crapfest at hand. I’m on record as saying that I think Brad Pitt is a good actor and he’s definitely worthy of an Oscar. Having said that, I have an aversion bordering upon hive inducing allergy towards obvious Oscar-bait and Benjamin Button is one of those films that is the awards equivalent to dynamite fishing. There’s not a person involved with the project that didn’t sign on because they thought it would be a ‘marquee’ film. It’s not that I object to artistic films, it’s that I object to films that could have been artistic and even good, only to see them become bloated, overbearing, ponderous wastes of celluloid and worse, the viewer’s time. Pitt’s been on this track for a while now – just take a look at the equally long, ponderous but definitely more entertaining Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. Lesson learned in that film: don’t let an up and coming actor steal the spotlight in your Oscar-bait. Not a problem with Benjamin Button.
The first time I sat through the film, it was like being slowly beaten to death by a mob of dwarves wielding NERF bats. After seeing that it was getting some buzz, I tried getting through it again, in case I somehow “just didn’t get it”.
This time, it was like the dwarves had ditched the foam weapons and had instead resorted to punching me in the groin.
Wearing gauntlets.
With spikes.
By the midway point, I was about ready to gouge my own eyes out using the scoop from the over priced nachos. I am now fairly convinced that I didn’t “miss” anything and that the film just sucks.
Of course, the one flaw in the logic of having something to root against is that there has to be something you’d rather see win. While I’d like to see just about any film win that isn’t Benjamin Button, I can’t say that any of the other nominees really scream that they deserve the award, either. Frost / Nixon is good if only to prove once again that the best actors to portray Richard Nixon on film originate from outside the United States. Sorry, Rich Little – looks like other people are finally pushing their way into material that has been exclusively yours since sometime during the Carter administration. Milk, with Sean Penn’s critically acclaimed (for good reason) performance as San Francisco’s slain gay rights pioneer, Harvey Milk, is good but not Best Picture good.
The Reader, you ask? Oh, for fuck’s sake, let’s get over this wave of trying to find some kind of sympathy for those poor, misunderstood Nazis, already. They were fucking Nazis! There’s a reason the word “Nazi” has become shorthand for “evil, villainous prick”. I don’t care if we do get to see Kate Winslett’s boobies (like we haven’t seen those before), I’ve now had enough of this little genre that has helped bring us overblown bullshit like Valkyrie and manipulative crap like The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. Yeah, I know, the world isn’t all black and white. I don’t believe anybody ever got up every day and told themselves “damn, I’m evil” in the mirror (except, possibly, Dick Cheney). But let’s put things in perspective before we find ourselves in the middle of a screening for a warm, fuzzy retelling of the life of Hitler. The reason Nazis make great recurring villains in popular entertainment is because they were some of the most horrible, scum-sucking human beings to ever cast a shadow on the face of the Earth. They earned that horrible distinction and it’s gonna stick to ’em like stink on shit for eternity. So, no, I won’t be casting a vote for The Reader. Sorry, Kate, maybe next year.
Which pretty much leaves us with Slumdog Millionaire. Is it Best Picture good, either? Uhm, well, no. Is it a better film than Frost / Nixon or Milk? I can’t really say that, either. What I can say is that it isn’t like watching a dramatized version of a History Channel documentary, which earns it a few extra points in my book. It holds together well, travels at a better pace than the other two films and is just a little more watchable. Plus, it has a cool, Bollywood-esque number at the end that would have only helped any of the other films nominated this year. But this is a long way from being a film that people behind the big broadcast would have liked to promote as a ‘popular favorite’.
Of course, this will be a different kind of Oscar ceremony by the Academy’s own admission. A more “intimate” (read: cheaply produced) ceremony with supposed new twists. Okay, this isn’t an episode of Law & Order, it’s an awards ceremony, people. About the only major change you could make that would make anybody give a damn would be a new rule that states winners must be present to win. To make things even more interesting would be the way the award would then be given to a nominee who is present: an all out fight to the death with the last one standing coming away with the Oscar. Just think of how much the audience would hope the winner for Best Supporting Actress couldn’t make the ceremony so Hugh Jackman could ask the stage hands to drop the cage and roll out the pudding vat. Not only that but it stands to open up the categories for other artists in the future. Anything short of that is just a cheat to the viewers.
The Academy Awards will be presented live on Sunday, February 22nd. Place your bets now.