FRED Entertainment

February 17, 2010

Win the SHUTTER ISLAND Soundtrack on CD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:57 pm

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In conjunction with Rhino Records, we’re giving away three (3) copies of the SHUTTER ISLAND Soundtrack on CD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 10th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 10th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Win TRAILER PARK BOYS on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:51 pm

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In conjunction with Screen Media Home Video, we’re giving away two (2) copies of TRAILER PARK BOYS on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 10th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 10th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Win WOMEN IN TROUBLE on Blu-Ray & DVD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:37 pm

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In conjunction with Screen Media Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of WOMEN IN TROUBLE on both Blu-Ray & DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 10th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 10th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Win THE BOX on Blu-Ray & DVD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:26 pm

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In conjunction with Warner Bros. Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of THE BOX on both Blu-Ray & DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 10th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 10th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Win THE INFORMANT on Blu-Ray & DVD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:17 pm

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In conjunction with Warner Bros. Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of THE INFORMANT on both Blu-Ray & DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 10th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 10th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Win MISFITS: SERIES ONE on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:01 pm

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In conjunction with Channel 4 Home Video, we’re giving away two (2) copies of MISFITS: SERIES ONE on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 10th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 10th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Win THE PETER SERAFINOWICZ SHOW on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 9:54 pm

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In conjunction with Channel 4 Home Video, we’re giving away two (2) copies of THE PETER SERAFINOWICZ SHOW on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 10th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 10th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

TV Or Not TV: LOST with The Substitute

Filed under: TV Or Not TV — Tags: — admin @ 9:40 pm

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Welcome back folks to another TV or Not TV morning after for LOST.

Last week I opted not to say very much about the episode “WHAT KATE DOES” mainly because of the following tweet from Damon Lindelof.

Since I have no interest in watching NCIS: Los Angeles I opted to stay mum. Not a lot happened last week so there wasn’t very much to actually expand on. There weren’t many revelations or unique thoughts that popped in to my head. I can’t say the same for this week. As always I will warn you that I do not hold back on information that we were given in the episode and I’ll be taking that a step further based on the preview that we were given for next week. If you haven’t seen the episode “The Substitute” yet and you continue to read please be aware that you are volunteering to get SPOILERS thrown at you.

The Substitute had the same method of story telling that we have seen in the episodes prior. We have the on Island story and the “sideways flash” storyline. This week that story line was about our dearly departed (but now alive in the sideways flash) John Locke.

I have to admit that these sideways flash story lines have done very little to hold my interest but this week I bought in to the concept completely. I don’t know if it is because we are seeing the story of a character that is now dead in the time line/reality that we’ve come to know on the show or not but I was very eager to learn of John Locke. This particular John Locke has some differences than the other John Locke we knew. It turns out he is engaged to be married to Helen Norwood and, in a very interesting twist, it would seem that he is on speaking terms with his father (which a keen eye may notice a picture of the two together on a hunting trip displayed on his cubical wall just below a picture of he and Helen together). We also find out that this John Locke did try to go on Walkabout and was told that he couldn’t. Unlike the John Locke we are used to, however, by the end of this episode we find out that this John Locke is finally ready to accept that fact that there are some things that he just can no longer do.

The sideways flash also caused a bit of a spark in my head when we discovered that the temp agency that Hurley sent Locke to had Rose (of Rose & Bernard) working there. She reveals to Locke, during their discussion, that she has terminal cancer but decided to keep living the life that she had. This made me realize that this other Locke may not have quite such a good future going for him since, as seen in last season’s LIFE AND DEATH OF JEREMY BENTHAM, Helen may die of a brain aneurysm in 2007. I doubt we’ll see that far ahead into the sideways flashes, however, so that probably won’t happen. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Benjamin Linus works at the school where Locke goes to as a substitute teacher as the European History teacher. WHOAH!

Back on the Island, after much drama and discussion we were given a pretty big reveal. Jacob, it would seem, has been drawing people to the Island as potential replacements for him to serve as the protector of the Island. This process, it would appear, involved Jacob touching people some time in their past (even though in Hurley and Sayid’s case it was AFTER they landed on the Island). Suddenly some of the subtle differences in the sideways flash reality are starting to make a little bit of sense. Cindy, the flight attendant, only gives Jack one extra mini-bottle of alcohol instead of two because this Jack won’t need the second to sterilize the needle (and cleanse the wound) in his side right after the plane crash. Maybe this means that the sideways flash John Locke some how wound up in his wheelchair through another incident as it seemed pretty clear that Jacob revived the “my daddy pushed me out the window” John Locke.

When it comes to Jacob’s list and what it means I have to ask the same question that Sawyer does: What does the Island need protecting from? According the the Evil Locke nothing, but we know that can’t be true. We also learn that Jacob seemed to have a thing for numbers and assigned each candidate with a number. It just so happens that all of our Flight 815 candidates were assigned the same numbers used in the hatch, stamped on to the hatch, and transmitted from the Island prior to Russo changing the recording. All of this was revealed to Sawyer (also known as James Ford) and after learning all of this he appears to be willing to help Evil Locke in getting off the Island in an attempt to go home.

There were other tid-bits thrown our way during the episode.

  • Ilana was crying inside of the base of the statue in the same way that someone who has lost someone important to them might. Right after this she collects some of Jacob’s ashes. I don’t know if this is because Jacob was the someone that was important to her or if it will be used some how later as a protection method against the Evil Locke/Smoke Monster. Time will tell on this one.
  • Evil Locke is now stuck in the appearance of John Locke. We don’t know why, it’s just what Illana told us.
  • Evil Locke is not immune to seeing things on the Island. He had a vision of a young blonde boy with blood on his hands that Richard Alpert couldn’t see.
  • There still appear to be rules in place and Evil Locke is not allowed to kill any of the chosen candidates (as revealed by the same young blonde boy who’se hands this time were not bloody and who was able to be seen by Sawyer). This may mean that the candidate’s job won’t be protecting the Island so much as making sure that the Evil Locke/Smoke Monster doesn’t get to leave the Island.

So the above is everything I was able to take away from the episode. What are we in store for next week?

Next week’s episode title is “The Lighthouse.” If we can believe the previews that they showed us at the end of this week’s episode (since we’ve seen some of these same clips in a briefer form after the two prior episodes) it would appear that we are going to find out how Jin is faring with Claire Gone Wild. From the many glimpses of Jacob in the preview and from the quick shot of Jack yelling at Hurley about “What does he want from me?!?” followed by the subsequent smashing of glass I think that Jack is taken to some sort of lighthouse and Hurley is being a communication conduit for Jacob. I don’t know if the Lighthouse is a literal lighthouse or if it is instead some mystical lighthouse (it does, after all, look like it’s been carved out of stone) but whatever it’s function Jack must not like it enough to smash some glass (unless he’s just irrationally pissed). I have no idea.

This being the last season I don’t really like to dwell too much on what the end game plan is for the show. Last week’s episode aside I like that the momentum is picking up again and the direction that they are heading seems to be a good one. I just hope it doesn’t get too confusing over the next few episodes.

February 16, 2010

FREDagator: 2010-02-16

Filed under: Articles — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:08 pm

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It’s “science” shows like this that make me respect Mythbusters that much more…

Have trouble getting rid of all that snow? Get a SNOW DRAGON

It’s “science” shows like this that make me respect Mythbusters that much more…

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February 15, 2010

Masters Of Song Fu #6: Round 2 Challenge Revealed!

Filed under: Masters Of Song Fu — Tags: , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:28 pm

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We here at FRED are true lovers of music, in all its forms. We’re also quite keen on the spirit of competition, and of spurring creativity through said competition.

To that end, we launched a unique form of creative combat.

In this age of manufactured and painfully earnest talent contests, we’ve decided to instead shine a light on the quirky, quixotic underworld of musicians that don’t get nearly the attention they deserve.

Ah, but I did mention that there was a competition involved…

Like a songwriting version of Iron Chef, the competitors will be presented with a very specific songwriting challenge. They’ll be given one week to complete their songs – however they see fit, within the parameters set forth – after which time the entries will be uploaded to FRED to be voted on by you, the audience.

At the end of the 3rd Challenge, the two Challengers with the most votes will face off, mano a mano for the title of…

MASTER OF SONG FU

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However, there may yet be one final challenge for this newly crowned Master – for they very well might (if the stars align and schedules permit) face off against one of the LEGENDARY MASTERS – artists like Jonathan Coulton, Paul & Storm, Neil Innes, Doc Hammer, & The RiffTones. Think of them as the iron chefs of Song Fu – one of which may or may not be revealed as your ultimate challenge. Only the wheel of uncertainty can predict (and even then, not).

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So what was the first Challenge?

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ROUND 1 CHALLENGE

Write a song that is about (or at least has key to the central narrative) RAIN (the meteorological phenomena). At some point (or throughout) the song, you must utilize an instrument (or vocals) that represent the rain. You are free to write your song in any style that you choose.

That’s it. The only other directive is that your song must run no shorter than 1 minute 30 seconds.

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You’ll find the Round 1 songs from each of our Challengers below, as well as the results of the Round 1 voting. More importantly, though, you’ll also discover what the Round 2 Challenge is!

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THE CHALLENGERS

MIKE LOMBARDO

Mike Lombardo is a piano-playing geek-pop-rock singer-songwriter who likes to use hyphens when describing his occupation. He has been known to write songs about just about anything, including rocks and SAW 4. When not banging on a piano, Mike spends most of his time playing way too many video games or teaching small children how to bang on pianos. A graduate of Berklee College of Music, Mike is currently finishing up his second album with his piano rock band, the Mike Lombardo Trio.
Official Website: www.mikelombardomusic.com
Twitter: twitter.com/mikelombardo
ROUND 1 SONG:Sit And Watch The Rain
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/mike_lombardo-sit_and_watch_the_rain.mp3]

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EDRIC HALEEN

songfu-edrichaleen.jpgEdric is a returning veteran of the Masters of Song Fu competition. He has been writing music (off and on) since the early nineties. He wrote and directed a musical, The Pushcart War, based on Jean Merrill’s wonderful novel. He has written and/or arranged a number of songs for various friends – some commissioned, some as surprises. He loves acting in community theatre, and is inspired by the music of Stephen Sondheim, Jason Robert Brown, Adam Guettel, Lynn Ahrens and Stephen Flaherty. Also – feel free to check out (and add to!) the “Happiness Board” on his web pages!

Official Website: happinessboard.com/Edric_Haleen.html

ROUND 1 SONG:In The Rain
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/edric_haleen-in_the_rain.mp3]

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GODZ POODLZ

Legends foretell of a mighty duo, born in the frozen North. Two neighbors and friends will unite to form “Godz Poodlz” and battle the Mazters or Song Fu for glory and bragging rights! Godz Poodlz are Rüss Rogers and Rod Durre. Russ Rogers was once a member of “Kit and Kaboodle” (still available on iTunes) and currently performs in “Rusty’s Rocking Jamboree!” Rhod Durre was in the Goth Rock Band, “Sear!” Beware the Godz Poodlz Ear Worm! Godz Poodlz songs are bright, funny and tenaciously catchy. Come join Godz Poodlz Legionz of Fanz!

Official Website: godzpoodlz.bandcamp.com

ROUND 1 SONG:Rain Is Pouring Down
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/godz_poodlz-rain_is_pouring_down.mp3]

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SPENCER SOKOL

Spencer is trying to do things. Music is one of those things. It is painfully obvious to him, if not others, that he has absolutely no idea what he’s doing. In the past he has been musically inclined with a guitar and occasionally with a piano. He is trying to be musically active once again, but this time he is attempting to do so while on the Internets. Creating music is a large part of his 40×40 list and he thinks this competition seems like “a Super Mega Happy Fun way” to rekindle his musical desires.
Official Website: www.spencersokol.com
Twitter: twitter.com/spencersokol
ROUND 1 SONG:Reservations
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/spencer_sokol-reservations.mp3]

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KYLIE PETTO

My name is Kylie, and I’m your everyday 17-year-old girl with a passion for music. I’ve been writing my own songs since I was ten years old, and nothing is more fun for me than to sit down with my guitar and unwind. Now I thankfully have a violin to add to my arsenal, and I’m armed and ready for my second go at song fu!

Official Website: NONE
Twitter: twitter.com/KyliePetto

ROUND 1 SONG:Robby
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/kylie_petto-robby.mp3]

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CALEB HINES

Caleb is a software engineer who pretends to be a musician on the internet. Self-taught in music theory, he is more comfortable writing a four-part instrumental fugue than he is writing a verse-chorus-bridge song. His favorite style of music went out of style at the end of the 18th century, but after discovering the likes of Weird Al, Dr. Horrible, and especially Jonathan Coulton, he realized that “omodern music” can be fun too. Now he is on a quest to update, expand, and diversify his musical knowledge and experience. In addition to singing, he plays a whole family of recorders, baroque flute, ukulele, melodica, pretends to play keyboard and guitar, and most recently, bass. He also uses virtual instruments because a real orchestra costs too much.

Official Website: refactoringmybrain.blogspot.com
Twitter: twitter.com/calebhines

ROUND 1 SONG:Water Cycle
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/caleb_hines-water_cycle.mp3]

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BOFFO YUX DUDES

The Boffo Yux Dudes began in the 80’s and 90’s doing radio comedy, and promptly fell asleep for the next 15 years. Tom Giarrosso and Allan Morgan (Pop Machine) continue the tradition of trying to recreate their lost youth with exceedingly torturous music, instead of spending the money on therapy like normal people having a midlife crisis. Tom blames Mike Lombardo for showing him the Fu way of doing things, and now he has to listen to the voices and write songs instead of doing his actual day job.
Official Website: www.boffoyux.com
Twitter: twitter.com/boffoyuxdudes
ROUND 1 SONG:Reign of the King
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/boffo_yux_dudes-reign_of_the_king.mp3]

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DENISE HUDSON

Denise Hudson is a musician of non-determined hair-color from Austin, Texas who is married to an musicaphile Australian. She hopes that she typed up her bio correctly (alas, she cannot spell!); and additionally hopes she amuses you, but she is done apologizing now. 🙂 If she happens to make you slightly uncomfortable, she supposes there’s nothing to be done for it…
Official Website: denisehudson.bandcamp.com

Twitter: twitter.com/RangerDenni
ROUND 1 SONG:Rain
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/denise_hudson-rain.mp3]

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“BUCKETHAT” BOBBY MATHESON

songfu-buckethatbobby.jpgI’m “BucketHat” Bobby Matheson. I used to make cartoons for the internet, and sometimes still do, but mostly focus on my music right now. I write and record my songs solo, in my little make-shift studio, and when I play live, I often get some help from friends. Some of my music is funny, and some isn’t. More often than not, the humour is unintentional. My Influences range from Klezmer to folk, to punk and back again, which ends up sounding more like Zydeco than anything else (who’d have guessed?). I’ve been described as a “Cajun Buddy Holly” and an “Optimistic Elvis Costello”. It’s been said that I sound like “That guy from the Barenaked Ladies” and a “Nasaly Bob Dylan”. One of these days, I hope to have a description that is accurate.
Official Website: www.buckethatbobby.randomsociety.com
Twitter: twitter.com/BucketHatBobby
ROUND 1 SONG:Forget About The Rain
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/buckethat_bobby_matheson-forget_about_the_rain.mp3]

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IAN “TWO SHADES” JOHNSON

Ian is a guitarist/singer/pianist/other-stuff-ist. He was a participant of Song-Fu #5, and is a member of Too Much Awesome. His songs have been described (by himself) as “probably not as funny as I think they are.”
Official Website: ianjohnson.bandcamp.com
ROUND 1 SONG:Downpour
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/ian_two_shades_johnson-downpour.mp3]

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GORBZILLA

songfu-gorbzilla.pngGorbzilla is a musician/band teacher in Mid-Michigan. He has been in a few bands over the years, most notably as the bass player/vocalist for the band “Satin Jones” and the guitarist/vocalist for the band “Jimmy Likes Pie”. The proud father of two future rock maniacs, Gorbzilla has been writing music for the past twenty years, and is currently working on his first musical Beer ““ Finally a Musical for Men based on the Haiku by Patrick “Horkmeister” Sweet entitled, “I Think I Threw Up”. He has been happily married for eight years, and is looking forward to this competition.
Official Website: gorbzilla.blogspot.com
ROUND 1 SONG:Freezing Rain
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/gorbzilla-freezing_rain.mp3]

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GOVERNING DYNAMICS

Governing Dynamics is the name of Travis Norris’s eternal sideproject, where all the stuff written by him goes when his current band (whatever it may be) refuses to play it. The music has been favorably compared to such bands as Eels, Radiohead, The White Stripes, and other bands that cool people like. It has been unfavorably compared to the tactics used by the FBI against the Branch Dividians at Waco. If he has to describe his music by genre (and refer to himself in third person) Travis calls it “alternative/shoegazer with a liberal dose of Midwestern rock”.
Official Website: governingdynamics.bandcamp.com
Twitter: twitter.com/travisnorris
ROUND 1 SONG:Rain in Chicago
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/governing_dynamics-rain_in_chicago.mp3]

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ZER0GUY

Two brothers from the midwest return to Song Fu with their brand of eclectic musical ideas. They don’t like to stick to a genre, and sometimes they suffer from swarms of bees.
Official Website: www.myspace.com/zer0guyband
ROUND 1 SONG:Thundercade
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/zer0guy-thundercade.mp3]

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JUTZE SCHULT

Johannes “Jutze” Schult (from Germany) likes to live in a dream world where there has been no Grunge and where he is a talented singer. Sometimes his little folky pop songs find their way into the real world. Here they suffer from his hoarse voice and the do-it-yourself home recording production, struggling to appeal off and on beaten musical paths.
Official Website: www.jutze.com
Twitter: twitter.com/schult
ROUND 1 SONG:Kingdom Of Rain
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/jutze_schult-kingdom_of_rain.mp3]

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LEIGH & HOOVER

Dave & William have been writing songs together for decades, yet have still managed to avoid finding a clever name for themselves. William writes the words; Dave the music… which is good because it doesn’t really work the other way ’round.
Official Website: www.cratchit.org/music
ROUND 1 SONG:Summer Rain
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/leigh_and_hoover-summer_rain.mp3]

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COMMON LISP

Common Lisp is the name for the music projects of yours truly, Paul R. Potts, and any collaborators I may be able to drag into participating. I am a middle-aged software engineer with four children, some home recording gear, and too many guitars. I have never written an original song. It’s about time, don’t you think?
Official Website: commonlisp.bandcamp.com
Twitter: twitter.com/paulrpotts
ROUND 1 SONG:Polly Loves the Rain
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/common_lisp-polly_loves_the_rain.mp3]

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GLEN RAPHAEL

Glen Raphael is a Manhattan-based software geek, circus performer, and guitarist/singer/songwriter who counts Jonathan Coulton and Paul & Storm as influences. He has recently written songs that featured killer robots, exploding pants, and the Statue of Liberty having a mid-life crisis. Though not all at once. Yet.
Official Website: youtube.com/glenra
ROUND 1 SONG:Can’t See The Sky
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/glen_raphael-cant_see_the_sky.mp3]

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INVERSE T. CLOWN

Inverse T. Clown is a jack of many entertainment trades, songwriting being one of his favorites. He has an album half-ready to be recorded, and is looking forward to garnering the patience to sit down and do it. Even more so, he’s looking forward to Song Fu 6. There is an ongoing series of internet covers of Inverse’s song “Today’s The Day” – and he loves them all – but it would nice to get some steam behind the endless REST of his genius, and Song Fu seems just the place to start it up. He’s funny, he’s clever, his music is synthetic, and he’s champing at the bit to throw everything he’s got to his clamoring fans. Stick around, and see why Salemites everywhere call this musical genius “The Future of Greatness”.
Official Website: toomuchawesome.ning.com/profile/InverseTClown
ROUND 1 SONG:Sexy In The Rain
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/inverse_t_clown-sexy_in_the_rain.mp3]

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JEFF MacDOUGALL

Coming in at twice Mike Lombardo’s age, Jeff MacDougall is back and ready to throw some Fu! When asked about the competition, he had this to say: “Yeah. That’s right. I’m back. *coughs* *mumbles*” This will be a Song Fu for the ages!
Official Website: www.jeffmacdougall.com
Twitter: twitter.com/jeffmacdougall
ROUND 1 SONG:Beautiful Day
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/jeff_macdougall-beautiful_day.mp3]

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TARYN MILLER

Taryn Miller is an 18-year-old, gluten-intolerant, crazy-hat-wearing guitarist (and other stuff too, but she’s played guitar longest). She hails from Winfield, Kansas – Home of Bluegrass.
Official Website: myspace.com/chellenesuperstar
ROUND 1 SONG:Crowded And Clouded
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/taryn_miller-crowded_and_clouded.mp3]

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To download a ZIP FILE containing all of the ROUND 1 songs, CLICK HERE.

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ROUND 2 CHALLENGE

Write a song that does not rhyme.

CLARIFICATION: Your song can be in any style, but must not contain any rhymes of 2 dissimilar words within a traditional verse structure. Exact repetition of a phrase or word is permitted. Your song must run no shorter than 1 minute 30 seconds..

Your song must be submitted in mp3 form (128-192kbps) either via e-mail (to songfu @ asitecalledfred.com – remember to remove the spaces) or a file upload service (like RapidShare or YouSendIt). Deadline for submission is 2:00pm EST on Monday, February 22nd, 2010.

There will be a Round 2 Listening Party at 8:30pm EST on Monday, February 22nd HERE. Voting on Round 2 submissions will commence immediately after the listening party.

If you want some inspiration, here’s a number song from The Muppets
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/rhymingsong.mp3]

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ROUND 1 VOTING RESULTS

[poll id=”24″]

View Results

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SHADOW ENTRIES

JOE “COVENANT” LAMB

I’m Joe Covenant. I’m Scottish. And never have enough time to do everything I wanna! Been singing and perfoming for over 40 years… (yes, I am 46.)… and I’ve nearly learned a 6th chord! Everything I do. I do for Song Fu. (If not for this ‘contest’ I would have never met and collaborated with so many talented people.)

Official Website: joecovenant.bandcamp.com
Twitter: twitter.com/JoeCovenant

ROUND 1 SHADOW SONG:Rain
[audio:http://asitecalledfred.com/songfu/06song1/shadow_song-joe_covenant_lamb-rain.mp3]

If you triumph, not only will you win remarkable (and potentially off-putting) bragging rights and a clutch of fantastic mystery prizes, you will also become the proud owner of the magnificent, one-of-a-kind MASTER OF SONG FU TROPHY.

Good luck, and bring on the Fu.

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February 14, 2010

FREDagator: 2010-02-14

Filed under: Columns — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:49 pm

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Celebrating Jack Benny’s birthday, with a special call…

A wonderful bit with Jack Benny’s & special guest Groucho Marx…

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February 13, 2010

FREDagator: 2010-02-13

Filed under: Articles — UncaScroogeMcD @ 7:24 pm

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Marv the Vibraphone Robot – “Flight of the Bumblebee”. This is how the war between man and machine begins…

Though it seems the humans may have a champion in their war against the machines…

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February 12, 2010

Toy News: Exclusive VENTURE BROS. Toys Sneak Peek

Filed under: Articles — Tags: , , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:50 pm

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Ahead of their big reveal at Toy Fair this weekend, Bif Bang Pow has given FRED readers an exclusive sneak peek at one of the prototypes for their upcoming line of VENTURE BROS. toys. You’ll find another exclusive peek over at Jackson Publick’s Livejournal.

So without further ado, here’s your first look at Henchman 21:

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FREDagator: 2010-02-12

Filed under: Articles — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:19 am

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Tech Support w/ Hunter S. Thompson (NSFW)”

Happy Joe Don Baker Day #4 – “He’s Not A Good Cop”

Happy Joe Don Baker Day #3 – “My My My My Mitchell”

Happy Joe Don Baker Day #2 – “MST3K Mitchell”

Happy Joe Don Baker Day #1 – “Mongo’s Back In Town”

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Trailer Park: THE WOLFMAN and VALENTINE’S DAY

By Christopher Stipp

The Archives, Right Here

I was able to sit down for a couple of years and pump out a book. It’s got little to do with movies. Download and read “Thank You, Goodnight” right HERE for free.

Check out my new column, This Week In Trailers, at SlashFilm.com and follow me on TWITTER under the name: Stipp

Couples Retreat – DVD Giveaway

cplretrtfeatI did not have the chance to see this film while it was playing in the theaters but it made a decent amount of coin at the box office and I now have a few copies to give away for a few people who would like a chance to win one.

For a chance to win, just e-mail me at Christopher_Stipp@yahoo.com and let me know what you got for your valentine this year. I do realize I am making some of you work a little harder for free stuff and, for that, I am not sorry at all.

Good luck…

A film description:

Dave (Vince Vaughn) and wife Ronnie (Malin Akerman) are happily married with two young sons as is Joey (Jon Favreau) and wife Lucy (Kristin Davis). Shane (Faizon Love) has recently divorced from Jennifer (Tasha Smith) and has taken up with 20 year old Trudy (Kali Hawk). But Jason (Jason Bateman) and wife Cynthia (Kristen Bell) are crumbling under the pressure of trying to conceive and in a bid to save their marriage, come up with the idea for all of them to spend a luxurious week together at the Eden tropical island resort. It’s cheaper that way. Besides, think of the fun they can have while working on their relationships.

Valentine’s Day – Review

valentines-day-posterI deeply regret having to drag Robert Altman into this.

Short Cuts, for those who need a quick lesson, is a movie that revolves around some Los Angelinos dealing with life as it comes. A series of loosely intertwined narratives, the strength of this modern masterpiece from Robert Altman juggles over two dozen actors who are each important, in their own way, in helping to move a massive story along. The action is minimal, the exposition is endlessly fascinating, the characters are actually fleshed out and human,but the net effect is a movie that rewards multiple viewings and can be interpreted from various angles every single time you watch it. The movie is rooted firmly in the terra firma of human relationships that just happen to all meld together at once.

In contrast, Valentine’s Day, which is similarly a movie about random folks living in Los Angeles, with intertwining stories to tell, is a waste of everyone’s time, and talent. It’s a film that proves that if you want a toothless, uninspired, pedantic, made for television yet it’s still a movie, kind of film then this is for you. It’s the kind of collaboration where there is so much possibility inherent in the idea but the execution of that idea is predicated on dumbing everything down so even a fourteen year girl, who is ostensibly there to see the pairing of Taylor Swift/Taylor Lautner, could follow its plot at any waypoint along this movie’s timeline.

Garry Marshall, bless his Happy Days heart, disappoints as the directorial leader for a movie where every scene has his anachronistic sensibilities smeared all over it. The stories he is trying to capture seem to be informed by a time that has long since past, and probably never were, as they all feel false and blatantly cooked up in a writer’s room with people who have never lived a real life behind the safe, lilywhite confines of Beverly Hills, a place where life is manicured, sanitized.

The stories here are numerous, no question about that. Ashton Kutcher plays Reed Bennett, a flower store owner who starts off the film asking his girlfriend, Jessica Alba, to marry him. She says yes, he’s happy, and starts his day. He meets up with his friend Alphonso (George Lopez) who works at the flower shop Kutcher owns. We meet a football player (Eric Dane) who is conflicted about his future as an NFL quarterback. His PR flunkie Kara Monahan (Jessica Biel) has some extreme emotional issues with regard to the Valentine’s holiday, and his agent, Paula Thomas (Queen Latifah), plays the part of the big bad boss in a way that is neither fresh, original, or interesting. There is the doctor (Patrick Dempsey) who sleeps with his girlfriend (Jennifer Garner) but who also has a wife and is trying to keep it all under wraps. You’ve got Topher Grace who plays Jason, a guy smitten by his new girlfriend Liz (Anne Hathaway) but who does not know anything about the dark secret that could threaten the relationship which Liz flaunts before us throughout the film. There’s Bradley Cooper who plays Holden, a businessman on a long plane ride sitting next to Julia Roberts who plays Captain Kate Hazeltine, a soldier who is looking to spend just one day in Los Angeles with her man before going back where she came from. And then, among a couple of other relationships, there’s Taylor Lautner who plays Willy, a guy who loves his energetic girlfriend Felicia (Taylor Swift). It’s this latter pair that perfectly encapsulates what is so terribly wrong about this movie.

I realize I’m just Monday morning quarterbacking here, and there are people who get paid more money every year than I will in my lifetime to make these decisions, but if one of your teenage draws is Taylor Swift shouldn’t the axiom of “a chain is only as strong as its weakest link” apply? From my vantage point, Taylor Swift is not only this movie’s weakest link but she is a frightening aberration on the screen and has the mannerisms and presence of a female Napoleon Dynamite in a way that doesn’t feel ironic. She carries herself horribly, I assure you, and is more like a woman trying to overcompensate for her overacting in every scene she’s in with the end result being horrific.

The other stories play out beyond the acceptable norms of predictably for a movie like this and the acting prowess of those who’ve been awarded for their ability to memorize lines well is non-existent from pretty much everyone. You just have to wonder what was the point of making this film. Ah, but that’s the point, isn’t it? There is no need to address such poetic attitudes such as William Carlos Williams’ idea that there are no ideas but in things because there isn’t a thing or an idea here. It’s a pure business, economic transaction that’s in play because how else do you explain a movie where the ultimate resolution of all the narratives is happy and pleasant. I am at a loss to logically explain how we can go from adultery, to cheating, to lying, to heartbreak, to brake-ups, to people withholding from one another, with a final sprint to the finish that rewards the good and punishes the bad. This isn’t escapism; this is a movie of lies better suited for an after school special on how we’re all worth something as people.

The sanitized suburban, and urban, lives of those in this movie feel false because they are. I am positive, however, the movie will do fiscally well with audiences who will see things differently. Even broken clocks are right at least twice a day but the mixing of so many celebrities and so many personalities are, by default, going to bring the audiences in regardless of how well or, in this case, how bad a movie is. I am powerless to stop it but I can state without equivocation that Valentine’s Day had so much potential and it’s just squandered in favor for a celebration of mediocrity.

A movie with so many titans of current pop culture should have been handled with material that could have meant something more than what this is: a pop culture flash in-the-pan money grab that will become irrelevant just as quickly as this movie has come and gone. These aren’t superstars, they’re super actors who earned far more than a single ticket is worth.

The Wolfman – Review

the_wolfman_poster_02There’s no denying that this movie has had its setbacks. From delays to reshoots to the replacement of the editor, and original director, this film ought to have been a multi-million dollar, direct-to-DVD dud. Instead, what we have been given by director Joe Johnson is a movie that is paced quickly, has more than a few quality kills, has a story that isn’t completely insulting to the viewer, and is pure fun.

This movie was a simple charmer that had genuinely good performances across the board and possessed a pace that did not relent. About the former, Benicio Del Toro imbues his character, Lawrence Talbot, with a subtle, muted powerfulness. Anthony Hopkins, starring as Del Toro’s father, Sir John Talbot, shines as an emotionally detached father to not only Del Toro but to his dead son Ben, a death that brings Lawrence back home to investigate. To watch Hopkins is to witness an actor who knows exactly who this character is and pulls back on any impulse to get gregarious with a role that sincerely rewards a steady hand. Emily Blunt actually puts in a convincing turn as the recently widowed wife of Ben, the actress a convincingly grief stricken woman who never strays into the maudlin or melancholy. The three of them represent the emotional core of this film and they all contribute something unique to the overall vision of what this movie ended up being. Hugo Weaving (Abberline) adds a little to the overall narrative flow but it’s the three leads that make you believe that we are in a place that actually exists and I think that’s what makes this a fun film.

The movie essentially relies on the old retread of a man who gets bit by a werewolf and then becomes one himself. Essentially, most of the plot is taken care of by this idea but the way this movie takes the next step beyond the 1941 Lon Chaney Jr. classic is by how the character is interpreted. Del Toro excels in this regard by making the man a real man, someone beset by psychological/emotional pain in returning to a home he long since tried to forget and a man who genuinely wants to know what happened to his dead brother. The ways in which Del Toro carefully and slowly navigates his physical and emotional space in this film is curious if only because he doesn’t stray into bombast or hyperactive. He is more threatening as a pensive thinker, I would assert, and this also makes him more dangerous as the film goes on.

Never once does the movie stray into the silly nor ever does it wink knowingly to the audience. The film is a darkly fun trip that feels like a Haunted Mansion ride meshed with a modern slasher. To note, there are some quality, solid kills in this movie with enough viscera to satisfy anyone looking to get a more violent Wolfman up on the screen as he moves through the fog laden forest where a lot of the killing takes place. And much of this movie’s atmospheric charm should be credited to cinematographer Shelly Johnson and set decorator John Bush who both made conscious choices in ensconcing the events of this movie in a brooding, wet environment, to say nothing of the asylum where everything has the pall of disease and desperation. Someone else who deserves attention, and part of what makes this film such a delight, is an unseen member of this film’s crew: Rick Baker.

When last we caught up with Baker, the make-up extraordinaire, he was helping to turn Robert Downey Jr. into Kirk Lazarus, extreme method actor. Most of what people should remember of that movie was Downey Jr.’s stark visage and it absolutely is relevant here as the comments about what people see on the faces of those turned by the beast is nothing short of impressive. The make-up applied to Benicio Del Toro feels like a homecoming for the man who advanced the medium in An American Werewolf in London and it, again, should be something people take notice of and be impressed by. The level of care that’s taken with the transformations from man to wolf are striking when you consider how fast this could have happened with the aid of computers in a field now ruled by microchips. Baker is an unsung element that makes this movie feel like an old-fashioned throwback to the movies that depended on creative directing to induce a level of tension in the audience and it works. While it did not get to the heights of Drag Me To Hell, another movie that depended on practicality, not 1s and 0s, the movie stands on its feet with effects that don’t feel manufactured in a non-natural way. The hair is there, the make-up is there, there is a very real wolf man running around. Sure, there are some elements that have been digitally assisted but the movie’s editing pushes everything along at such a quick clip that you don’t have time to linger on any one moment. It’s that latter fact, however, that also lays bare this movie’s shortfall.

The Wolfman doesn’t spend the time to reflect on anything and it’s that superficiality that prevents the story from being anything more than a man who’s bitten by a feral creature. We never get a chance to get to know Lawrence beyond some backstory of what brought him to his current state of mind. A handful of flashbacks do not a character make and the remains of this quickness is a brevity in spirit that prevents any lasting connection to the movie’s titular characters.

The Wolfman is a movie that delivers on being a first rate classical horror film that pulls in some modern need for blood and guts (literally) while also gussying everything up with prim and proper affectations. The net result of which is a movie going experience that thrills, delights, but leaves you less than sated.

Weekend Shopping Guide 2/12/10: Retreat! Retreat!

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The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the FRED Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

(Please support FRED by using the links below to make any impulse purchases – it helps to keep us going…)

It’s not quite as consistent as Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but I certainly enjoyed Couples Retreat (Universal, Rated PG-13, DVD-$29.98 SRP) for what it is – a goofy, often slapstick relationship comedy that plays like a post marriage take on the Swingers generation (which, considering it stars Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau, is not a difficult leap). Bonus materials include featurettes, deleted scenes, and alternate ending, and a gag reel. A Blu-Ray edition ($36.98 SRP) is also available, which adds a pair of exclusive deleted scenes.

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Want to protect your oh-so-precious eyes from evil green lasers, all the while looking ridiculously stylish? Well, look no further than the Green 532nm LaserShades ($39.99). Now, you can keep your eyesight safe, and pretend you’re in the future.

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Fans of the great Orson Welles will delight in this newly-restored edition of Omnibus, a television showcase featuring the arts, which in 1953 televised a production of King Lear (E1, Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP), starring Welles in the title role. The DVD also features archive featurettes and a 16-page booklet.

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Many have called the Coen Brothers’ A Serious Man (Universal, Rated R, Blu-Ray-$36.98 SRP) their most autobiographical picture to date, but since I don’t know how accurate that assessment is, I will say it’s one of their strongest films of the past decade, and paints a darkly comic portrait of its Job-like patriarch – a physics professor whose life is unraveling, sending him on an offbeat search for meaning. Bonus materials include a trio of featurettes.

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History nerds (like me) will probably want to dive right in to The Ultimate Dambusters Collection (BFS, Not Rated, DVD-$34.98 SRP), which brings together a trio of documentaries on the legendary WWII raids. Heck, the first is even narrated by Stephen Fry.

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After a massive wait, fans can finally wrap up the second season of The Sarah Silverman Program (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$26.98 SRP) with the second volume, featuring the remaining 10 episodes plus audio commentaries, animated shorts, and a behind-the-scenes featurette. Now, if only they’d make a 3rd season.

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Take a life-spanning love-affair and complicate it with a time-hopping lover who doesn’t know when he’ll disappear and when in his own timeline he’ll reappear, and you’ve got the unique relationship featured in The Time Traveler’s Wife (New Line, Rated PG-13, DVD-$29.98 SRP), as the titular wife encounters the man she’ll fall in love with and marry at various times throughout her life. Of course, she never knows which version of her husband – and where in their relationship – she’ll be encountering him. Got all that? Bonus features include a behind-the-scenes featurette. A Blu-Ray edition ($35.99 SRP) is also available, with identical bonus materials.

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Now that the full series has made its way to DVD, the single-disc themed releases are the focus, with Fraggle Rock: Wembley’s Egg Surprise (Lionsgate, Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP) being the latest. The disc contains a trio of episodes (“Wembley’s Egg”, “The Great Radish Famine”, & “The Finger Of Light”) plus an episode from the animated series, a pair of sing-alongs, and a look at Jim Henson’s Animal Show With Stinky And Jake.

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Fox has bungled up the X-Men nicely, and Heroes has lost its way, but both can take a page from the series Misfits (Channel 4, Not Rated, Region 2 DVD-£19.99 SRP), which finds a group of delinquents gifted with powers during a freak electrical storm. Think of it as Heroes meets Skins. Bonus materials include a pair of featurettes and character films.

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Featuring dozens of actors and musicians, The People Speak (New Video, Not Rated, DVD-$19.95 SRP) brings to life the late Howard Zinn’s People’s History Of The United States and Voices Of A People’s History Of The United States. It’s quite a moving – and inspiring – portrait of the nation’s history.

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He’s become a slab of a man, but you still get exactly what you expect from a Steven Seagal action flick in A Dangerous Man (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$29.98 SRP), in which Seagal is dangerous man Shane Daniels, an ex-Special Forces operative framed for murder newly-released from prison. He then does plenty of Seagal ass-kicking.

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How about some catalogue titles coming to high-def this week? Fox and MGM back up the truck with a trio of modern classics – Walk The Line (Fox, Rated PG-13, Blu-Ray-$29.99 SRP), To Live And Die In LA (MGM, Rated R, Blu-Ray-$29.99 SRP), and The Last King Of Scotland (Fox, Rated R, Blu-Ray-$29.99 SRP). Walk The Line sports an audio commentary, deleted scenes, extended musical performances, featurettes, and the theatrical trailer. To Live And Die In LA contains an audio commentary, deleted scenes, and a documentary. Last King Of Scotland gets deleted scenes, a featurette, a documentary on Idi Amin, and a casting session.

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And since you’re always looking to upgrade those catalogue titles with spiffy new high-definition versions all shiny and bright, hitting Blu-Ray this week are the Richard Dawson classic The Running Man (Lionsgate, Rated R, Blu-Ray-$19.99 SRP), Morgan Freeman & Christian Slater in the wet Hard Rain (Lionsgate, Rated R, Blu-Ray-$19.99 SRP), Billy Zane in the not-as-bad-as-you-think The Phantom (Lionsgate, Rated PG, Blu-Ray-$19.99 SRP) and Wesley Snipes in Drop Zone (Lionsgate, Rated R, Blu-Ray-$19.99 SRP). All but The Running Man are limited to the theatrical trailer as their sole bonus feature, but Man gets a pair of audio commentaries and a pair of featurettes.

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One day, I’m sure a fascinating film about the life of landmark aviator Amelia Earhart will be made, Sadly, Amelia (Fox, Rated PG, Blu-Ray-$39.99 SRP) – starring Hilary Swank as the legendary pilot – is not that film. It’s just dull, really – which is the last thing this tale should have been. Sigh. Bonus features include deleted scenes, a featurette, and vintage newsreels.

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If you never got a chance to pick up the box sets a few years ago, your only chance to get their classic cartoons are though the single disc Tom & Jerry’s Greatest Chases (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP), the 4th volume of which is now available, containing 14 shorts.

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It’s one of the few recent successes in hour-long drama, and Army Wives (ABC Studios, Not Rated, DVD-$45.99 SRP) is still going strong in its 3rd season. The 5-disc set contains all 18 episodes, plus webisodes, featurettes, deleted scenes, and bloopers.

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Just when the Sci-Fi Channel (I refuse to call it that other… thing) was getting too far up their own… yeah… they go and launch a new Stargate that manages to evoke the engaging fun of the original with Stargate Universe (MGM, Not Rated, Blu-Ray-$69.99 SRP). Think of its ragtag group stranded on the far side of the universe as the SG version of Voyager and Lost In Space. The 2-disc set contains an extended version of the pilot, featurettes, and video diaries.

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I’ve been a fan of his going back to Action, but I’ve yet to find the same kind of pleasure in Jay Mohr’s formulaic sitcom Gary Unmarried (ABC Studios, Not Rated, DVD-$39.99 SRP), in which he stars as newly-single dad Gary Brooks. Think of it as a male version of The New Adventures Of Old Christine. The 3-disc set contains all 20 episodes, plus a trio of featurettes and a blooper reel.

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Of course, you can never have too many adaptations of Jane Austen’s Emma (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$34.98 SRP), so the BBC have made another one, this time featuring Romola Garai in the title role. The 2-disc set contains a trio of featurettes and an interview with Michael Gambon.

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So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

-Ken Plume

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February 11, 2010

Ken P. D. Snyde-Cast #134: The Short One That Isn’t So Much

Filed under: Ken P.D. Snydecast — Tags: , , , , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 6:01 pm

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Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and FRED’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.

Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.

Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.

VISIT THE SNYDECAST EXPERIENCE

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KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #134: The Short One That Isn’t So Much – Ken & Dana return with what was intended to be a truncated cast, but meanders and gets lost along the way. Cookies are discussed. And barbecue.

[CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #134 (MP3 format)

[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/snydecast/ken_p_d_snyde_cast-134.mp3]

SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

Got something to say? E-mail Dana & Ken at the Snydecast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SNYDECAST ARCHIVES

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Comics in Context #232: David Levine On Stage

Filed under: Comics in Context — Tags: , , — admin @ 12:53 pm

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#232 (Vol. 2 #4): DAVID LEVINE ON STAGE

cic-levine-01The great caricaturist David Levine, who passed away at the close of 2009, was the subject of a sad profile article, “Levine in Winter“, written by David Margolick in Vanity Fair in November of the previous year. It was yet another variation on what has become an all too familiar theme: the troubles of the comics or cartoon art professional when, for whatever reason, his career goes into decline. Levine’s brilliant caricatures of politicians, authors, and other notables had regularly appeared in The New York Review of Books for over forty years. His work appeared in other publications as well, but the Review published half his work over the years. But, in his eighties, Levine suffered from macular degeneration, which greatly dimmed his vision, hence handicapping his ability to draw. This led to an awkward situation: though Levine believed he could adapt and continue working, the Review no longer gave him assignments.

But was Levine’s later work really that bad or beyond improving? In 2008 Fantagraphics Books published American Presidents, a book of Levine’s caricatures. which closed with a recent portrait of Barack Obama that, while not in Levine’s classic style, was nonetheless good.

But Levine was cast adrift, and believed he had been fired. In his article Margolick asserted that “Without his work, he [Levine] has lost the structure of his life – sometimes, it’s hard for him to remember the day of the week – and his chief means of self-expression.”

He remained under contract to the Review, which accordingly continued to pay him a four figure salary per month, for reprinting his older work, enough to make some people happy, but a comedown from the over $12,000 per month he used to get. He did not get health insurance or a pension from the Review, though it seems that longtime writers for the review didn’t, either. Moreover, although original art for Levine’s caricatures is owned by museums, Levine was having trouble selling his original artwork for his caricatures, even though many have been acquired by art museums in the past. According to the article, “”˜Nobody’s been asking,’ says Levine. “Maybe I have to die first.'”

The Presidents book had reawakened my interest in Levine’s work, and following his death, I explored parts of the virtual gallery of his caricatures on The New York Review of Books web site. I spent most of my time looking through sections devoted to figures from the performing arts, which proved particularly enlightening to me. These drawings demonstrated just how insightful Levine was in using the art of caricature to portray the complexities of a man or woman’s personality within a single image.

cic-levine-02I began with a section on literary characters, in which I found only Levine’s picture of Shakespeare’s King Lear, from June 25, 1964, and demonstrated Levine’s ability to provide insights through depicting contrast and paradox. The conventional strategy for depicting Lear would be to show him as a grand, tragic monarch. Instead, Levine shows him as the head of an old man, warily peering out from a trash can. It’s an image that might perhaps remind readers of comedy characters who similarly live in trash cans: Hanna-Barbera’s Top Cat, who will be the subject of a future column, and Sesame Street’s Oscar the Grouch, who debuted years after this caricature was first published. But Levine more likely has in mind the character of Hamm, who lives in a trash can in Samuel Beckett’s play Endgame. I would not be surprised if Levine’s caricature was a reference to director Peter Brook’s production of King Lear, starring Paul Scofield in the title role, which was greatly influenced by Beckett’s works. (Brook and Scofield later made a film version of King Lear in 1971, which TCM will telecast in March.) Levine has made Lear look something like a clown, hiding in a trash can, presumably because, like Brook, he sees Beckett and the theater of the absurd as a modern means of interpreting the grim absurdity of Lear’s fate, the king who is reduced to a madman wandering the heath. That trash can not only emphasizes how far Lear has fallen, from monarch to tramp, but also suggests that fate, and his ungrateful daughters, are treating Lear as if he were trash. Levine could have portrayed Lear in his famous scenes in which he rages at his daughters or even at the elements during the storm on the heath. But instead he shows Lear’s vulnerability: the old man fearfully hiding from his abusers.

cic-levine-03The picture of Lear also shows two of his young tormentors on either side of the trash can, berating him. These figures and their costumes remind me of characters that Sir John Tenniel might have drawn into his illustrations for the original editions of Lewis Carroll’s Alice books. As one of the great political caricaturists of the 19th century, Tenniel was an artistic forebear of Levine, and this portrait of Lear and two of his tormentors thus becomes Levine’s homage to Tenniel, making the stylistic influence of Tenniel on Levine clear. Most noticeably, Levine, like Tenniel, gives his subjects enormous, caricatured heads and tiny bodies.

cic-levine-04I then turned to a section called “Actors, Film and Theatre Personalities“. The first picture that caught my eye here was of another tramp: Charlie Chaplin in his most famous screen persona, from October 22, 1964. Here Levine goes in the opposite direction than he did with Lear. The conventional choice would have been to present Chaplin’s tramp as a joyous figure of comedy, waddling with his cane or performing some slapstick gag. Or perhaps Levine could have shown the Tramp as rebel, fighting back against some bully or authority figure, or the familiar image of the Tramp as a figure of pathos, walking off alone towards the horizon. But instead Levine makes the Tramp look like, well, a real tramp, sitting on the ground, looking up with wariness and perhaps frustration at a policeman, a literally faceless figure of authority (his head is out of the frame) towering over him, while nudging him with a nightstick. Here Levine is pointing to the underlying source of the Tramp’s comedy and appeal: the genuine poverty and suffering which Chaplin’s Tramp fights and sometimes defeats through his humor and courage.

cic-levine-05Charles Laughton, in a portrait published February 15, 1990, seems to be depicted in his costume and persona as the wily but benevolent Senator Gracchus of ancient Rome in Stanley Kubrick’s Spartacus (1960), with a toga, laurel wreath, and big, beaming smile. Of the many performances I’ve seen Laughton give in films, this is my favorite–perhaps it was Levine’s as well–with his U. S. Senator in Otto Preminger’s Advise and Consent (1962), a very similar part, as runner-up. Perhaps Levine chose to portray Laughton thus also as a tribute to his professional stature, as if he were a member of a pantheon of great actors in a classic tradition. Levine shows Laughton leaning on one arm, at ease, a pose that suits both Gracchus and one’s image of Laughton: so masterful at what he does that he made it look easy, and he can relax and enjoy himself.

cic-levine-06In his portrait of Humphrey Bogart (May 18, 1972), Levine makes the gun he holds look tiny, but his bow tie look enormous. Bogart often wears bow ties in his later films, which, by today’s fashions, look rather peculiar. One might expect to see a tweedy academic wear a bow tie (yes, I used to, decades ago), but not the movies’ preeminent tough guy. But Levine chooses to emphasize another aspect of Bogart than the tough guy image. He draws Bogart with a particularly immense head, emphasizing his sad eyes, with slated eyebrows reinforcing this sense of sorrow. Levine emphasizes the crinkles beneath Bogart’s eyes, showing his age and perhaps weariness. Bogart’s lips, rather than tightly curling in a characteristic scowl, look loose and uneven, again like those of an aging man. Rather than show us Bogart’s familiar aggressiveness, Levine instead chooses to show us the vulnerability in Bogart’s screen character, the melancholy that is just as much a part of his familiar persona. Levine also thus reminds us that Bogart was not a young man when he became a true star, that, from High Sierra (1941) on, he played heroes in mid-life who were grappling with the choices they had made in life and aware of their mortality.

cic-levine-07Levine’s picture of film director Ingmar Bergman from March 8, 1973, turns him into a deeply unhappy man the size of a child, cradled in the lap of a monumental woman. This is a satiric variation on a memorable image from Bergman’s then-new film Cries and Whispers (1973), in which the dying woman played by Harriet Andersson lies in the lap of the large woman who is her devoted nurse. That, in turn, seems to be an obvious allusion to Michelangelo’s Pieta, the statue of the dead Christ lying in the lap of his mother. Levine seems to be cleverly and cuttingly commenting on the way that Bergman poured out his emotional turmoil in his films and often, as in Cries and Whispers, made women his leading characters. Here Levine seems to be caricaturing Bergman as someone who hasn’t truly grown up, who is an emotional wreck who seeks solace from women he views as idealized mother figures.

cic-levine-08Levine’s portrait of Jerry Seinfeld, from August 14, 1997, at first looks wholly positive. Seinfeld looks directly at us, confidence in his eyes and grin, and he seems to be standing in a relaxed position, one leg crossed over the other. But his arms are folded in front of his chest, a classic defensive gesture. Does this mean that the crossing of his legs is likewise defensive? Is Levine signaling that Seinfeld’s public image as extroverted comedian is a public facade, and that he is hiding the true self from us?

cic-levine-09Levine presents Richard Burton in an April 27, 1989 drawing playing one of his most famous stage roles, as Hamlet. But Burton is posed standing precariously with one foot atop a skull–presumably that of the jester Yorick–while holding a bottle, signifying Burton’s notorious alcoholism. So Levine presents Burton as trying to strike a similarly precarious balance between his artistic achievements and his flaws. Did Burton succeed? Or did he reduce his career as an arguably great classical actor to something akin to a jester doing a balancing act? He gives Burton a wistful, yearning look, like that of a young man searching for his artistic goal, or like Hamlet himself, but gives Burton oddly empty-looking eyes, with mere dots for pupils, as if Burton’s artistic vision is clouded by an alcoholic haze. Yorick’s skull is one of the most memorable images of mortality in literature. By having Burton stand atop Yorick’s skull, Levine likens him to Yorick as well as Hamlet, while reminding the viewer of Burton’s own early demise.

cic-levine-10Levine’s portrait of Fred Astaire from Nov. 29, 1993, is a prime example of his technique of drawing contradictions. Astaire looks old, but he has a big, happy smile, and extends one arm gracefully outward; the top half of his body is still. Beneath the waist Levine shows multiple images of legs, as if Astaire is moving in a frenzy. And there is the paradox: serenity coexisting with speed. Astaire is dancing with a female partner, whose face is concealed, but has lots of what seems blonde hair, and who wears a long gown. She has many, many feet, so she too is moving at great speed, though, significantly, she does not raise them as high as Astaire. Her hair and costume and speed suggest Ginger Rogers, but by hiding her face Levine makes her into every dance partner Astaire ever had, while making clear that Astaire is the dominant figure in the partnership and the portrait.

cic-levine-11Levine’s method of portraying contradiction and contrast is very apparent in his October 21, 1982 caricature of Louise Brooks, a star of silent films an early talkies, most famously in G. W. Pabst’s Pandora’s Box (1929), whose acting career plunged into oblivion, but who resurfaced late in life as a talented memoirist. Levine pictures her as virtually naked, but crossing her arms over her bust, an exhibitionist but vulnerable, part of her still modest. Levine gives her her trademark hairdo but huge, sad eyes, as if she is distressed at her typecasting as sex symbol.

cic-levine-12Levine clearly likes Preston Sturges, the writer and director of such great and classic comedies as The Lady Eve (1941), Sullivan’s Travels (1941), The Palm Beach Story (1942), and The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek (1944). Levine gives Sturges an impish look through his eyes and smile, indicating the wit and high comedic spirits of his films, puts him in a suit with wide lapels, and puts what may be a traveler’s scarf or a well-dressed man’s ascot around his neck, and has him carrying a bag at the end of a stick, a classic prop for a hobo. This probably refers to the film often considered Sturges’ best, the seriocomic Sullivan’s Travels, whose film director protagonist spends time living as a homeless tramp to study the dark side of life and ends up discovering the importance of comedy to lift people’s spirits in hard times. so Levine thus casts Sturges as Sullivan. Perhaps Levine was also hinting at the collapse of Sturges’ short, brilliant filmmaking career, and suggesting that the wit of his comedies nonetheless lives on. This image certainly casts Sturges as the artist/comedian as outsider, able to take a comic perspective from being an outsider. Levine’s Sturges as tramp is thus more typically Chaplinesque than Levine’s own aforementioned portrait of Chaplin.

cic-levine-13But then there are the people whom Levine clearly did not like. Levine’s his March 6, 1997 portrait of John Wayne casting him in his iconic cinematic image as western gunfighter, but disturbingly alters that image. Under grim eyes; Wayne smiles, but that smile hardly seems benevolent. Instead Wayne’s expression looks disconcerting and ominous, and his face seems distorted in some way that is hard to define. Was Levine portraying the John Wayne of The Searchers (1956), in which he played a dangerous, obsessed figure? Or was this the leftist Levine’s comment on Wayne’s real life right wing politics?

cic-levine-14The most devastating of these portraits is that of Leni Riefenstahl, director of the infamous Nazi propaganda film Triumph of the Will (1934), who lived to be 101 years old, spending the last half of her life downplaying her allegiance to the Third Reich. In his Feb. 6, 1975 picture of her, drawn while she was still very much alive, Levine portrays her with a fanatical look, a disconcertingly fixed smile, and snakelike locks of hair, as if she were a modern Medusa, holding a camera, garbed in a Nazi uniform, sitting atop a pile of skulls.

cic-levine-15This is reminiscent of Levine’s most biting caricatures of presidents, which you can find in another section of this online gallery, as well as in Fantagraphics’ book. Here too is Levine’s use of contrast: the smiling face of Harry Truman emerging in dark irony from the mushroom cloud of Hiroshima (July 9, 1964). Levine has his heroes: Thomas Jefferson is shown in heroic profile (Aug. 13, 1981), and though Levine portrays George Washington (Aug. 12, 1982) and Abraham Lincoln (Oct. 25, 1979) in their ugliness, they nonetheless have a certain directness and nobility about them. Franklin Roosevelt was Levine’s hero, and he generally conveys Roosevelt’s jauntiness and joy in his various portraits of him (as in an October 25, 1979 picture). He can be devastating in portraying those he dislikes: Richard Nixon becomes an enormous rat (Nov. 29, 1973).

cic-levine-16And then there is perhaps Levine’s most famous caricature, from May 12, 1966, inspired by the incident when Lyndon Johnson revealed his operation scar to reporters: Levine turned the scar into the shape of Vietnam. This is an indictment of Johnson’s role in the war, which had metaphorically become part of him, but it also shows a certain sympathy for him: the Vietnam war had become his self-inflicted wound. Caricature is usually thought to work by reducing a figure to a comedic figure, but Levine’s work at its best portrayed his subjects in their complexity, mixing comedy with pathos and even tragedy.

Copyright 2010 Peter Sanderson

Follow me on Twitter (@PeterJSanderson) and at Facebook Comic Con.

Party Favors: A Swiftian Gouge

Filed under: Joe Corey's Party Favors — Tags: , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:15 am

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NASHVILLE – How much is your child’s love worth?

Kiddie country sensation Taylor Swift is coming to town. Just for kicks I checked Stubhub to see how much people were willing to resell tickets to the sold out show. I nearly threw up my Twinkie when I saw quite a few seats priced at $l,200. That’s not a typo. They are expecting some parent to pay $1,2000 for their kid to see a twig with a blonde wig. Since the kid isn’t of driving age, that means the parent is willing to pay $2,400 to make their kid happy. While the seats were on the floor, they were nearly 50 rows back from the stage.

For that price, I expect to be close enough to the stage to know if Taylor Swift wears panties or a g-string. I want to be close enough to use qualify as her OB-GYN. I want Taylor Lautner to swear he smells me on her. For $2,400, I expect to see my name tattooed above her butt crack as thanks.

This outrageous price is being met for a kiddie act. Did scalpers at New Kids on the Block or the Monkees concerts ever get $1,200? Did the Monkees even get paid that much money per show? I don’t think there’s any adult act I’d pay that much money to merely see. Once in Atlantic City we were told that New Year’s Eve tickets to Cher were $500. My response is for that price, they had better serve me Cher’s removed ribs. For that much cash, I expect Taylor Swift to cook us breakfast after she Simonizes my car.

What exactly do you get for $2,400? Your little girl’s love until the next Disney sensation comes to town? You could buy an Oompa-Loompa for less. Have we become a nation of Veruca Salts and their daddies? There must be a cash limit on being the cool parent. Getting into a sold out concert shouldn’t cost more than two months of your mortgage. If your kid wanted to go, they should have been faster when ordering on Ticketmaster.

When the time comes that my child has to see the new Taylor Swift with no price being too much; I will softly inform my child that such a price is completely out of the question. I will also inform them of the evil things Roadies do to young girls that want a backstage pass. If she still expects me to pay an extreme price for a ticket, she’ll have to sell her own kidney to a Yakuza crime boss.

YO JERSEY

Now that Jersey Shore first season is over, can we get a law forcing anyone that appears on an MTV show to be sterilized? Do we really need these kids procreating? The amount of mega-tub GNC muscle builders devoured by the orange stars might have shriveled their balls to the size of raisins. But there’s a rare chance that one of the girls could have gotten knocked up in the festering petrie dish known as the hot tub. Do we really need Snooki on next year’s 16 and Pregnant? There’s already reports a castmember hanging out with a Teen Mom star. She’s looking to get renewed the easy way?

I’ll admit to being hooked on the adventures of Guido-mania. I haven’t spent this much time watching Italians since Super Mario Beatdown. But these people were the laziest ever. The whined about working at a t-shirt shop for 4 hours. And they didn’t even have to do that many things since there was a camera crew helping them look like they were working between craft service breaks. Have seven people ever became more famous for doing so little? There haven’t been this many lame freeloaders of fame since the bench of the Chicago Bulls in the ’90s.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR

The Flaming Lips’ reworking of Dark Side of the Moon is stunning. They don’t merely do a note for note remake like a cover band. They rework the semi-psychedelic masterpiece with the help of Peaches and Henry Rollins. The digital only album is as contagious as the Pink Floyd original. The only bad part is that they didn’t throw in a cover of “Echoes.” Maybe next year Justin Timberlake can rework The Wall

DON’T MESS WITH THE FAVORS

Remember a few years back when we ran into Leif Garrett at the Hooters? He promised to give us a real interview. And then he didn’t. He won’t be talking to us anytime soon since he got busted at a subway stop in Los Angeles for possession of heroin.

On the other hand, recent interview subjects in the Party Favors have done well. Rick Harrison of History Channel’s Pawn Stars is the king of cable. The show is drawing more eyeballs than Heroes. Louie Psihoyos is getting his tuxedo ready for the Oscars with The Cove up for Best Documentary. While Paul Schneider didn’t get Academy love for his role in Bright Star, his Parks and Recreation series has been renewed for next season. Chef Duff of Ace of Cakes mentioned to us that the Food Network wouldn’t let him on Iron Chef. After the interview ran, he had a great battle against pork king Michael Symon.

When the Party Favors requests an interview with you, ask yourself this question: Do you want to be busted for black tar heroin while waiting for the subway?

THAT’S OUR BILL

After once pleading for Bill Murray to quit playing sad sacks as part of his comeback, he’s given us a chance to laugh in Zombieland. While it’s best not to give away anything he does in the film, he should have been nominated for every major award. The film is now out on DVD so you can truly enjoy the joy of Bill Murray instead of the glum gus that pops up in Wes Anderson and Jim Jarmusch movies.

CREEPY DAD

WIN MARY TYLER MOORE!

It’s another giveaway contest! We have three copies of The Mary Tyler Moore Show: The Complete Sixth Season to give away to lucky Party Favors readers thanks to the fine folks at 20th Century Fox Home Video. This was the penultimate season for Mary and the staff of WJM-TV. Mary moves to a brand new apartment. She spices up her life in various ways. Ultimately this season is known for one hall of fame episodes: “Chuckles Bites the Dust.” What happens when the station’s clown gets killed during a circus parade? It’s not the usual tearjerker. How can you shed tears at the funeral of a clown? If you want to get to watch this very special episode, all you have to do is answer this question: Who played Chuckles on this episode? Send your answer and mailing address to mokaha@aol.com along with your mailing address. Remember that this contest isn’t open to my family, Chuckles the clown’s family or Manson family members.

DVD SHELF

Vega$: The First Season, Volume 2 brings another dozen cases of Dan Tanna action. This show brings together the finest elements of Rockford Files and The Love Boat. This finest creation even written by Michael Mann. Most of the episodes are star packed. Randolph Mantooth is a hotheaded tennis champ in “Serve, Volley and Kill.” “Ghost of the Ripper” has a Banacek vibe. Muhammad Ali makes an inspirational cameo in “The Eleventh Event.” “Demand and Supply” is an extra creepy tale of high school hookers since their pimp is Mr. Peterson from The Bob Newhart Show. “Doubtful Target” is pretty much the last time Leslie Nielsen was a wicked heavy instead of a fart joking goof. He shoots Binzer’s blind girlfriend. How mean can a man get? The cool part is that the show was actually shot in middle school Vegas. Keep an eye out for marquees advertising Nipsey Russell.

Barnaby Jones: Season One brings together the elderly Buddy Ebsen and the cinematic Catwoman, Lee Meriweather. “Requiem for a Son” launched the show as a semi-spin off of Cannon (William Conrad). Barnaby Jones was a retired private investigator who got back into the game when his son was murdered. His daughter-in-law (Meriweather) joins him the in the pursuit. “To Catch a Dead Man” has William Shatner (Star Trek) in surprise role. “Sing a Song of Murder” hums along with Jackie Coogan (Uncle Fester). Because there was a law on the books in the ’70s, “Murder Go-Round” features Geoffrey Lewis (the man who isn’t Robert Pine) and the ultimate heavy known as Claude Akins (Sheriff Lobo). Barnaby Jones reminds us that a really old guy can still kick a young hood’s ass.

Cannon Season Two, Volume Two continues the adventures of my favorite overweight, balding detective. Frank Cannon (William Conrad) is back to remind us that you don’t deny the power of the gut. The 12 cases are one buttkicking after another. “Nobody Beats the House” has Tom Skerritt (Alien) losing fat dollars at an illegal casino run by Paul Michael Glaser (Starsky and Hutch). Geoffrey Lewis gets to be a heavy. “Death of a Stone Seahorse” has the other half of Starsky and Hutch in David Soul. But he’s not cop. He’s a killer. He’s mean enough to set up his mentally impaired sister as the patsy. “The Prisoners” has the dean of actors: Harold Gould. His son fakes his own kidnapping to score fast bucks from the old man. Cannon never gets too confused on a case. He’s out to bust heads to get his clients proven innocent. He moves quick for a fat detective.

JAG: The Final Season is also the 10th year of the show that combined combat action with military justice. This should have been a great capper for a show that was canceled by NBC after 2 years, but revived by CBS for an amazing ratings comeback. However the producers had this idea that JAG wasn’t just David James Elliot. They refused to renew his contract any further and kept introducing cast members for JAG: The Next Generation. CBS didn’t want to make the same mistake that cursed the last two seasons of Scrubs. They canceled the show in time to let the producers focus on a proper ending for Elliot and Catherine Bell. Are they going to truly become a couple? If you’ve liked the first nine seasons, you’ll endure the bumpy moments for the big finale.

Lincoln Heights: The Complete First Season is about a cop that moves his family back to his old neighborhood. He wants to make a difference, but this action makes him fear for his family. He doesn’t have too much problem patrolling the streets, but his kids have issues fitting into the neighborhood. There’s a lot of gang action. They don’t care that their dad is a cop. It’s a little harder than the average ABC Family show. The 13 episodes originally aired on ABC Family. There’s a major cliffhanger, but since they’ve made three more seasons so far, a new viewer won’t be that panicked.

Dynasty: The Fourth Season, Volume Two is more of the Carringtons dominating the Denver social scene. This is a sad time for me since these are the final episodes of Pamela Sue Martin. No more Nancy Drew hanging out with Joan Collins and Linda Evans. There’s a lot of betrayal and backstabbing. Fallon (Martin) enters a doomed marriage with Peter even though Blake warns her. Things don’t end nicely for her in the final episode. Krystle gets knocked up. Alexis (Collins) gets busted on a murder charge. Joan Collins knows how to look guilty. Diahann Carroll becomes part of the family as Blake’s illegitimate half-sister. Even in the thin air of Denver, there’s jungle fever. There’s 13 episodes on 3 discs. The series lasted another five seasons.

Air Bud Golden Receiver: Special Edition takes us back to the time when a simple dog had a dream of schooling humans at their own sports. The former basketball playing dog is now running down a grassy field and making impossible receptions using his mouth. This is exactly how Ochocinco works. This was the second of the golden retriever movies, but it’s been updated to include his children: The Buddies. Luckily they didn’t try to CGI the little doggies into the action. Instead there’s an option to let the new dogs give their commentary on a recap movie. The six minute featurette is called “The Buddie’s Sports Channel.” It’ll keep your small kid wondering why aren’t the little doggies in this movie. The special edition packaging includes a whistle suitable for playing at home referee.

Minnie’s Bow-Tique are four episodes of the CGI animated Mickey Mouse Club House series. This more for kids with the happy tales of the cheerful Disney universe. The episodes are all based around Minnie Mouse’s adventures. “Minnie’s Bow-tique” has her opening a store that only sells bows. Talk about a specific clientele. Although she does have bowties with spy gadgets. Peg-leg Pete arrives needing a bow. He has two feet now. Weird. There’s plenty of songs for little kids to hit rewind and sing along. This for really small kids and not traditionalists. The big bonus is a magnetic frame with bonus bows so you can put the kid’s face on the fridge.

Gary Unmarried: The Complete First Season stars my favorite Jim Rome caller Jay Mohr. He’s divorced dad with two teens. He wants to find a new woman cause he just can’t give away houses fast enough. His day job is house painter. Oddly enough Jay doesn’t look that out of place covered in Sherwin Williams satin finish. The kids include a son that sounds like his father and a daughter who would be ridiculed by a certain psychotic TV host. Most of the comedy comes in his attempts to move on from his ex-wife. Except she’s still a part of his life with the kids. It’s one of Jay’s best roles since being the utter jerk in Jerry Maguire. The 20 episodes are spread over 3 DVDs. The bonus features include bloopers, Ed Begley Jr’s green tips and a day with Jay on the set.

Army Wives: The Complete Third Season gives us a peek into military families around Charleston, South Carolina. The show is a continuation of the armed forces career of Catherine Bell (JAG). Kim Delaney, Sally Pressman and Brigid Brannagh are the other three wives that remind us of the family sacrifices in this time of war. There’s a lot of strife this third season as couples try their hardest to maintain their marriages. What does a soldier do when his child holds his work in contempt? There’s also more baby talk. The Lifetime series treats these relationships with respect. The 18 episodes are spread over 5 DVDs. The bonus features includes webisodes and a tour of Charleston.

Whatever She Wants gives us Vivica A. Fox in her post-Curb Your Enthusiasm prime. She’s sick of dating dogs (like that Larry David). She gets wise and starts a private club where the guys have to prove they aren’t major cads. She wants only the finest of the fines. When she finally find that special guy, he might not be what she’s been considering in her club. Boris Kodjoe knows how to let the gleaming dome attract the ladies. Richard Roundtree (Shaft) reminds us that he was once a cinematic hunk that no woman could refuse. How can Vivica A. Fox not find herself a fine man? The bonus features includes interview with Vivica. She doesn’t give us a way to apply to be her special man.

Soapbox: Quo Vadis, See-Saw?

Filed under: Articles — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:51 am

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Quo Vadis, See-Saw?

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depIt was a pleasantly warm spring night. The barely-setting sun painted the sky in bold oranges and reds, and the air smelled of sweetness. I was at the park, sitting on the swings with my four-year-old boy, when he spied the see-saw and asked me to take him to it.

Things have changed since I was a wee lad. I remember the see-saw as being a potentially dangerous piece of playground machinery; the possibility of having one’s family jewels spontaneously rearranged was always close at hand.

In fact, this was part of the allure of the see-saw. The element of danger. The knowledge that some amount of skill was required in order to avoid the junk-jangling scenario made the see-saw something of a challenge – and what young male doesn’t thrive on the notion of competition?

It was an art form, really. You knew the other guy might jump off his seat at any moment, and you would have to be instantly prepared. You had to act quickly, and if you timed it right, you could stiffen your legs as you plummeted to the earth, landing firmly on your two feet while your see-saw seat safely fell away beneath you. The jewels would be allowed to live another day, and your opponent knew he’d been bested by your cat-like reflexes.

This sort of thing was part of growing up as a Man-child, and learning to navigate the see-saw experience was part of every young lad’s initiation, a vital part of his growing-up formation, and an endless source of experiential wealth. I dare say that the potentially-dangerous see-saw of my childhood is responsible for making me the man I am today.

All of this has changed. As my son and I mounted the new and improved see-saw, I noticed something different. No longer do see-saw makers favor the classic lever-and-fulcrum construction for the playground ride. No. The see-saw that I sat on that evening was something newfangled, featuring a spring-loaded “fulcrum” that essentially tethered the “lever”, controlling how high one end of the lever could go, and – more importantly – how low to the ground the other end of the lever would dip.

Essentially, this new see-saw construction has eliminated the possibility of roughing up your opponent’s genitals.

Yes, perhaps those who ride on this family-friendly see-saw can still have a good time, but clearly, they will be growing soft, weak, and weenie-like in the process. There is no danger. There is no competition. In short, the nutsacks belonging to young lads on the modern see-saw are safe from all harm, and were so from the moment they mounted the G-rated ride.

As my son and I finished our little romp on the sissy-saw, he ran over to me, eyes sparkling and smile beaming.

“That was fun, Daddy! Can we do it again?”, he asked.

And as I looked into the beautiful face of my little boy, I began to become enraged at what our society is doing to our children. Because of alleged “safety concerns”, he will never know the life-changing, character-forming experiences that I was permitted to encounter as a result of playing with my mates on a normal see-saw.

I vowed then and there that my son would not be cheated in this way. He would not be robbed of so critical a part of childhood, something so necessary to building his well-roundedness as a functioning member of society.

He looked up at me, smiling, awaiting my answer – could we ride again?

I looked down at him, determined.

And then I kicked him in the balls.

Jacob Michael
Follow me on Twitter

Contest Round-Up: 2010-02-10

Filed under: Articles — Tags: , , , , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:20 am

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Welcome to our weekly round-up of featured giveaways here at FRED. Every Wednesday, we’ll present a new clutch of DVDs, books, and other cool stuff you can take a shot at winning. All you have to do is click on the graphics below to be taken to their respective contest pages. And good luck!

In conjunction with Universal Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of COUPLES RETREAT on DVD, plus each winner will get a COUPLES RETREAT Beach Mat.

In conjunction with Miramax Home Video, we’re giving away two (2) copies of EVERYBODY’S FINE on DVD.

In conjunction with Docurama Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of THE END OF THE LINE on DVD.

In conjunction with Virgin Records, we’re giving away two (2) copies of ENIGMA: THE PLATINUM COLLECTION.

Win ENIGMA: THE PLATINUM COLLECTION on CD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:18 am

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In conjunction with EMI/Capitol, we’re giving away two (2) copies of ENIGMA: THE PLATINUM COLLECTION.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 3rd.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 3rd.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Win THE END OF THE LINE on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:09 am

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In conjunction with Docurama Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of THE END OF THE LINE on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 3rd.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 3rd.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

February 10, 2010

Win EVERYBODY’S FINE on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:57 pm

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In conjunction with Miramax Home Video, we’re giving away two (2) copies of EVERYBODY’S FINE on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 3rd.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 3rd.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Win COUPLES RETREAT on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:50 pm

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In conjunction with Universal Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of COUPLES RETREAT on DVD, plus each winner will get a COUPLES RETREAT Beach Mat.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 3rd.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, March 3rd.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

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