FRED Entertainment

July 30, 2010

Trailer Park: THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ALICE CREED Giveaway, THE DUNGEON MASTERS, THE KANSAS CITY ROYALS: 1985 WORLD SERIES COLLECTOR’S EDITIONon

By Christopher Stipp

The Archives, Right Here

Check out my other column, This Week In Trailers, at SlashFilm.com and follow me on TWITTER under the name: Stipp

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ALICE CREED- Giveaway

disappearancealicecreedForget about Clash of the Titans, don’t bother with Prince of Persia, and by all means take a pass on Quantum of Solace. The one film that showcases the wicked power of actress Gemma Arterton is The Disappearance of Alice Creed.

While I don’t know what I can or can’t say before the film opens next week, August 6th, I don’t think anyone will have a problem with me saying that you ought to seek this film out and watch a movie that is the perfect answer for a time of the year when you get nothing but ho-hum releases. Truly, a movie that delivers on being both exciting and thrilling, it’s a feature that keeps you guessing what is coming next.

To help get the word out on The Disappearance Of Alice Creed Anchor Bay Films want to give one of you lucky readers a chance to win a DVD prize pack. The grand prize includes: Brooklyn’s Finest, The Crazies, Pandorum, Righteous Kill and Traitor DVDs. All you have to do is shoot me a note at Christopher_Stipp@yahoo.com and I’ll get you entered.

While you wait to see if you’re the one who will be anointed with these goodies go on and find Alice Creed on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/whereisalicecreed

For additional information please visit: http://www.whereisalicecreed.com

Become a fan: http://www.facebook.com/whereisalicecreed

As well, watch the first 5 minutes of the thriller: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhPNzoI__28

Good Luck!

About The Film:

Two men – one in his twenties, the other nearer forty, both intensely focused on the task at hand – line the inside of a transit van with plastic. Shopping, they buy a drill, a mattress and other supplies. In a small flat they assemble a bed for the mattress and staple foam insulation and board to the walls and windows of a bedroom. Then, their meticulous preparations complete, they kidnap a young woman. They drag her from the street into the back of the van and, with a bag over her head and ball gag in her mouth, take her back to the flat, tying her to the bed in the room they have converted into a prison cell.

The kidnappers are Danny (Martin Compston) and Vic (Eddie Marsan), two ex-cons planning to make a mint on the ransom for the young woman.  The younger, nervier of the two, Danny defers to the more experienced Vic, who acts with a steely conviction.  Their hostage is Alice Creed (Gemma Arterton), daughter of a rich businessman, chosen by Vic and Danny as their passport to a better life. Terrified and immobile at first, it soon becomes clear that Alice isn ‘ t about to let her captors use her as capital without a fight. As determined to escape as Vic and Danny are to succeed, Alice enters into a battle of wills which strains the already fractious relationship between the two men. As the deadline for the exchange draws nearer, all three are brought close to breaking point, with Vic and Danny ‘ s foolproof plan descending into a desperate struggle for survival.

A taut, emotionally intense thriller, the debut feature from writer-director J Blakeson eschews genre convention, generating tension from the sexual and psychological ties that bind captive to captors.

Produced by Adrian Sturges (The Escapist), the film stars Gemma Arterton (Prince of Persia, Tamara Drewe, Quantum of Solace), Eddie Marsan (Happy-Go-Lucky, Sherlock Holmes) and Martin Compston (Sweet Sixteen, Red Road)

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ALICE CREED will be in theaters August 6th from Anchor Bay .

THE DUNGEON MASTERS – DVD Review

dungeon_mastersI love this movie.

Much like Trekkies, this DVD explores the nuances of those who play Dungeons & Dragons. Of course the movie doesn’t work if you just took a look at some well meaning nerd who loved to roll the dice with his buddies on a Friday night, imbibing root beer and throwing back some Funyuns. No, the movie works because we see those at the fringe, the one you would be scared to be sitting next to on a long plane flight should they get it in them to explain the difference between an elf and a troll.

But, you know what? These are harmless fanatics. I would rather someone be as obsessive about the three lovers of all things Dungeon than someone who has a habit that could lead to more serious problems. Director Keven McAlester deserves a lot of credit for thinking long and hard about what would make for an interesting documentary, eschewing a finger pointing laugh fest and instead opting for a serious mediation on what it means to these people.

I, for one, am in awe of these people as I really didn’t understand it growing up, this movie also made me accept that I was a geek as opposed to a nerd because of its intricate rules and application of math which really was like garlic to a arithmetic-phobe like myself, but gained an appreciation for it by watching this. It’s really not an intricate treatise on the nature of life but, again, that’s where McAlester deserves some kudos. He makes a movie that shows them to be sensitive human beings who simply love to play this game and incorporate it deeply into their lives. Like Trekkies, we see them at first to be outcasts who are a little weird around the edges but, by the end, you really do end up feeling an affinity for what some of these people have gone through in order to keep playing a game they love.

Any movie that can put into context any marginalized group which has been seen as on the fringe and misunderstood gets a vote in my book and it was a delight to finally see what these nerds were all uppity about in the first place. I get it now.

About The Movie:

Some board games are merely played. Others are lived. Among the latter, none is more obsessed over than Dungeons & Dragons, the enduringly popular fantasy role-playing board game in which a roll of the oddly angled dice can alter a character’s life. But for some dedicated players, the game has altered their actual lives. Three such fanatics are profiled in THE DUNGEON MASTERS, an eye-opening film from the critically acclaimed director, Keven McAllester (You’re Gonna Miss Me) coming to DVD from FilmBuff and MPI Media Group on August 3, 2010, with an SRP of $19.98.

What the hit comedy feature Role Models did for live-action role-playing game enthusiasts, THE DUNGEON MASTERS does for devoted table-top players. Dungeons & Dragons is no mere game to Richard, Scott and Elizabeth, the people at the center of this entertaining and ultimately moving documentary. Against the backdrop of crumbling middle-class America, these three struggling adults devote their lives to Dungeons & Dragons, the storied role-playing game introduced in 1974. One player is a sanitation worker who lures friends into a “Sphere of Annihilation.” Another is an evil “drow-elf” displaced by Hurricane Katrina. And one is a failed supervillain who starts a cable access show involving ninjas, puppets and a cooking segment.

But the baroque fantasies of these three clash with their mundane real lives, and they gradually come to realize that the game’s imaginary triumphs can’t completely mask the very real disappointments of life. The beauty of Keven McAlester’s film is in revealing his subjects’ real-life heroism: summoning the courage to face hardships head on. Along the way, THE DUNGEON MASTERS reimagines the themes of classic heroic cinema, creating an intimate portrait of struggles and triumphs.

The Austin Chronicle’s Richard Whittaker said of THE DUNGEON MASTERS: “McAlester’s film cuts with sensitivity through the nerdy facade to the dedication its subjects show to their hobby in the toughest of times.” Kevin Kelly of Indiewire called it “a well-crafted film that “¦ gives you an unflinching look at three people who have made gaming one of their creative outlets.”

Since its debut in the 1970s, the role-playing board game Dungeons and Dragons has sold more than 20 million copies. It has spawned two feature films and dozens of books; all told, sales of the game and related books, DVDs and equipment have surpassed $1 billion.

THE DUNGEON MASTERS was an Official Selection at the Toronto International Film Festival and the South by Southwest Film Festival.

THE KANSAS CITY ROYALS: 1985 WORLD SERIES COLLECTORS EDITION – DVD Review

kansas-city-1985-wsI was there. Game 7. I was 10 at the time and there was no such thing, in 1985, as DVR’ing the thing so I could see whether I showed up on the screen.

The thing about the series at the time, because it dealt with two teams that literally only had to roll a little further down the highway in order to get to each others’ stadiums, was how insular it felt. I still remember feeling like this was a series that no one else cared about because the teams were so close together but I wasn’t too far off in my assessment that life wouldn’t get much better than it did for the Royals as it did for this World Series.

The wonderful thing about this box set which collects all 7 games is how, if you’re a fan of the game, you can see how much things haven’t really changed. Like football games that are replayed on ESPN Classic there is a certain timelessness to watching these little slices of sports history. Not only was it something to witness, how the Royals shut down the Cardinals in Game 7 with a shutout to win it all, but seeing how DVD now affords us the opportunity how 2 blown calls in Game 6 essentially allowed the Royals the opportunity that they might not have had if the umps were doing what they should have been. It’s as clear as day and it almost feels like revisiting a crime scene where the call just went to the wrong team and perhaps allowed them the one edge they needed.

It’s hard to quantify why buying this set is such a bargain but not only are these complete games enough to make any baseball fan salivate as you can see, like I did, the drama unfold as the series wore on it is also the inclusion of some priceless bonus features that should more than enough seal the deal. From a retrospective on the moment looking back 25 years to a highlight reel that puts the Royals’ success in proper context with showcasing who they beat out in the ALCS it is also worth checking out because this win might as well be seen as significant as the Chicago Cubs winning it all. The Royals’ odds to win it all once again might be as absurd as the whole team winning the lottery and being struck with lightning but, honestly, this box set captures the moment when lightning did strike at just the right moment. It’s like Major League had the Cleveland Indians went on to win it all. Honestly, after watching this, you would be hard pressed not to be inspired by a team that was good enough to put the St. Louis Cardinals away and win the World Series.

And if you see some goofy kid in the upper deck wearing a blue clown wig? That’s me, rooting on the Royals.

About The Movie:

In 1985, under the even keeled guidance of manager Dick Howser, and the one-field excellence of the their veteran stars including George Brett and Frank White and precocious pitcher Bret Saberhagen the Kansas City Royals established a championship resilience.  The club overcame a late season deficit to win the American League West division, then overcame a 3 games to 1 deficit to stun the Toronto Blue Jays  and win the American League. With a come-from-behind pattern squarely in place Kansas City completed its improbably run by then storming back from a similar 3 games to 1 deficit to capture the World Series crown.

This July, A&E Home Entertainment and Major League Baseball Productions invite sports fans everywhere to relive the Royals’ history-making World Series in a spectacular 7-disc set ““ THE KANSAS CITY ROYALS 1985 WORLD SERIES COLLECTOR’S EDITION.  Priced to add to every sports lovers home entertainment collection at $69.95srp, the DVD, timed to the 25th anniversary of Kansas City’s heart-stopping championship run, also features memorable moments from the Royals ’85 season, rare interviews, archival footage and much more!

Released from the Major League Baseball Film and Video archives for the first time ever, each disc features the actual television broadcasts of this historic Fall Classic.  The seven games in this remarkable DVD collection showcase the rollercoaster of intra-state emotions as the Cardinals flew out to grab three quick wins in the first four games, only to have the Royals capture the final three games in oh-so-dramatic fashion.  These vintage games capture the beauty of mid-1980s Royals Stadium, a roster of all-time Royals stars, and a battle of players, managers, and intra-state cities that enthralled the region and delighted a nation.

DVD bonuses on the set include the 1985 Kansas City Royals season Highlight Film, segment on George Brett Hometown Hero, Bret Saberhagen Cy Young Award Winner, and classic segments including: ALCS Highlights; Royals Clubhouse Celebration,  “Royals Looking Back”Â  and “How The Royals Met the Cardinals”.

ALADIN – DVD Review

aladinThis is my first Bollywood experience.

Truly, I didn’t know what I was getting into but thankfully this movie was one that I was able to thoroughly enjoy with the kind of interest I usually reserve for films where the bar is set unbelievably low. It’s not a knock on the film but when you realize you’re the outsider, I would assume that productions like this have their own set of rules and parameters around which other people who consume them regularly are able to judge their quality, so it’s really incumbent on me as a guest to the form to experience the movie in its totality.

Split into two distinct kinds of films, Aladin tells the tale of Aladin Chatterjee (Riteish Deshmukh) who comes from the hardscrabble life we’ve come to know of the westernized ideal of who Aladdin really is and comes into owning a magical lamp not by finding it in the pit of a sand lion’s stomach but as a gift. The real delight comes as the dueling genies I did recognize from my many Disney viewings of the animated classic take on a supernatural, and very corporal, form.

The bad and good genies posses normal features and actually adds a more interesting twist to a film that impresses with its special effects and toe tapping musical numbers which give any viewer of this movie a delightful spectacle of song and dance along with its more dramatic elements. With the parts of the clever genie (Amitabh Bachchan) and the one who would like to see the power taken away from the young upstart (Sanjay Dutt) played by a couple of heavyweights on the Bollywood scene it is not hard to see why this movie looks as polished as it does.

Director Sujoy Ghosh deserves credit for obviously trying to bridge a narrative gap between the fantastic and the dramatic but it also deserves kudos from me for making the movie accessible to someone who may not understand the structure of a film like this. Yes, at times the song and dance numbers seem a bit jarring and out of place but they’re wonderfully choreographed and the effects aren’t that bad. They are sure better than let’s say a film that airs on the Disney Channel on any given Saturday night but the cumulative effect of all of this is a movie that I would heartily recommend to anyone looking to enjoy a true spectacle of song, dance, and excitement. While some of the dialogue truly falls flat, be it delivery or in its simplicity, that shouldn’t deter anyone from seeking this out and enjoying a delightful, earnest story.

About The Movie:

This new Hindi movie, stars the latest heart throb chocolate-boy, Ritesh Deshmukh and the newcomer and oh-so-pretty Barbie Doll, Jacqueline. To add up to the spice is Amitabh, the genie who is at his best with the character of Genius and to create tension, tossed in the middle of this perfect love story is the villian, Sanjay Dutt.

From the land of myths and legends – India – comes a fantasy adventure for the entire family. Directed by Sujoy Ghosh, ‘Aladin’ is a modern re-imagining of the classic tale of ‘Aladin and The Magic Lamp’.

Aladin Chatterjee (Riteish Deshmukh) lives in the city of Khwaish, an orphan who has been bullied since childhood by Kasim and his gang. But his life changes when Jasmine (Jacqueline Fernandez) gives him a magic lamp as a Birthday gift – because it lets loose the genie, Genius (Amitabh Bachchan).

Desperate to grant him 3 wishes and seek the end of his contract with the Magic Lamp and get retirement, the rock-star Genius makes Aladin’s life difficult until the real threat looms on the horizon : the ex-genie, Ringmaster (Sanjay Dutt).

Why does Ringmaster want to kill Aladin? What is the dark secret about Aladin’s past that Genius is carrying? And what is Aladin’s destiny? Find out more in this swashbuckling fantasy adventure film.

July 29, 2010

FREDagator: 2010-07-29

Filed under: FREDagator — UncaScroogeMcD @ 8:52 pm

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Carrie Fisher on Craig Ferguson? So much fun…

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Contest Round-Up: 2010-07-29

Filed under: Articles — Tags: , , , , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:05 am

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Welcome to our weekly round-up of featured giveaways here at FRED. Every week, we’ll present a new clutch of DVDs, books, and other cool stuff you can take a shot at winning. All you have to do is click on the graphics below to be taken to their respective contest pages. And good luck!

In conjunction with Disney Home Video, we’re giving away a copy of JAMES & THE GIANT PEACH on Blu-RayDVD.

In conjunction with Lionsgate Home Video, we’re giving away a copy of KICK ASS on Blu-Ray/DVD.

Win KICK ASS on Blu-Ray!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:03 am

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In conjunction with Lionsgate Home Video, we’re giving away a copy of KICK ASS on Blu-Ray/DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 11th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 11th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Win JAMES & THE GIANT PEACH on Blu-Ray/DVD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:51 am

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In conjunction with Disney Home Video, we’re giving away a copy of JAMES & THE GIANT PEACH on Blu-RayDVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 11th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 11th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Cabin Fever 99: Shock and Awe

Filed under: Cabin Fever — Tags: , , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:36 am

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cabin.jpgOh no! Just when you thought it was safe to hang out at the FRED…

Cabin Fever (hosted by the twisted souls Brian Fitzpatrick and Aaron Poole) is the result of having too much time on your hands and access to your local community radio station.

Over the course of an hour, they manage to trawl the depths of good taste, plus throw some music in. How much more could you want from a podcast?… Quality? Oh… we didn’t think of that.

Enjoy! And we hope our cross Atlantic friends can understand the Irish accent 😉

Hugs and Kisses,
Aaron P. + Rev. Fitzy

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CABIN FEVER #99: Shock and Awe – Aaron and Brian try to catch up on some things they’ve been meaning to do for the last 99 podcasts, movies and comics are discussed (big shocker there), and Aaron makes an announcement. Music is provided by Cutting Shapes.

[CONTENT WARNING]: Explicit contents! We say every naughty word you can think of. You have been warned!

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #99 (MP3 format)

[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/cabinfever/cabin_fever_99.mp3]

SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

Got something to say? E-mail Aaron & Brian at the Cabin Fever mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE CABIN FEVER ARCHIVES

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Bagged & Boarded 63: I Have A Dog Beard

Filed under: Bagged & Boarded — Tags: , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:13 am

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What happens when two young men let their love of movies, comic books, and all things “geek” take over their lives? They run away from their families, bringing only the most essential DVDs and comics to their secret, highly fortified underground bunker in sunny Southern California, where they start recording podcasts that will change the world.

Are they heroes?

No.

Are they geniuses?

Far from it.

Are they the future of this planet?

I sure hope not.

Simply put… Matt Cohen and Jesse Rivers are “Bagged and Boarded”.

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BAGGED & BOARDED #63: I Have A Dog Beard – In which Matt and Jesse ramble on – sometimes coherently – about INCEPTION, Comic-Con, Yogi Bear, and the upcoming Bagged and Boarded Live shows at the SModCastle. It’s more fun then a barrel of syphilis! (At least marginally)

[CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #63 (MP3 format)

[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/baggedboarded/bagged_boarded-63.mp3]

SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

Got something to say? E-mail Matt & Jesse at the B & B mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE BAGGED & BOARDED ARCHIVES

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July 27, 2010

FREDagator: 2010-07-27

Filed under: FREDagator — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:31 pm

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We can’t seem to get a live action Justice League movie, but at least we’ll have this…

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TV Or Not TV: 7/26 – 8/1

Filed under: TV Or Not TV — Tags: , — admin @ 4:17 am

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If there are those of yout hat have been waiting for a time where I sit down to write this column and finally stop talking about DOCTOR WHO than I’ve got some really good news for you: next week will finally be that column. This week, however, I’m still bubbling over having re-lived THE BIG BANG and just dying to speak about it in full now that it has finally aired in here in the US of A.

Unlike season finale’s of the past this whacky bit of timey-whimey goodness did something that I wasn’t expecting at all in becoming a fairy tale by the episode’s end. It kicked off rather fast paced from the moment that young AMELIA gets up from praying to Santa and doesn’t really stop until we finally learn how the DOCTOR plans on un-doing the event that caused all of reality to cease to exist.

The structure of the episode was executed in a near perfect fashion by ensuring that it provided payoff to it’s core audience first. After the initial set up where we learn that the Earth is still there and the sky has no stars the timey-whimey bit kicks in with secret messages left for AMELIA POND that lead to the big reveal that inside the PANDORICA is none other than her older self. Then we see RORY cradling the recently killed AMY for a few ticks before the DOCTOR pops in, wielding a broom in one hand and a fez on his head, giving RORY his sonic screwdriver to free him from the PANDORICA. See? Time travel goodness handed off in a bit of mind-bending sci-fi for the audience to revel in. This bit is very important because what happens next is nothing but pure romance.

There were two moments last week where I wrote that the performance of ARTHUR DARVILL as RORY really endeared me to the character. The first is when the now self-aware Nestene duplicate RORY decides not to join the DOCTOR in his jump to the future to stay behind and guard the Pandorica to ensure AMY will be kept safe. He does so knowing that any damage to himself will be permanent, he will never sleep the whole time and he’s got 2000 years to act as her protector. The impact of this is then revealed as AMY watches the museum description of the iconic soldier that guarded the Pandorica through the ages, the ultimate act of love. This moment is only overshadowed by the reunion of the two minutes later when it’s revealed RORY is now a guard at the museum housing the Pandorica. Both of these moments are greater than any the actor was asked to do before on the show and he did so with believable emotion and dedication.

The near perfect structure once again turns back when we finally see the other side of all the time jumping bits from the beginning from the other perspective. This amusing bit plays out very well but comes with it a very heavy hand when after all is said and done the DOCTOR from 12 minutes in the future comes back to deliver a message to himself prior to appearing to die. On they go to disover the sun for this Earth is actually the burning and exploding TARDIS, that also has RIVER SONG trapped in a safety time loop. The DOCTOR pops in to save her and after she, with AMY’s help, destroys the fez we see how the DOCTOR becomes injured before popping back in time 12 minutes. Solid sci-fi, right?

After ALEX KINGSTON as RIVER SONG faces down a DALEK (and fanboys around the world squee in delight) we begin to move into the hands down two best performances that MATT SMITH has given all season. The first is as he’s seated in the PANDORICA, preparing to fly it into the exploding TARDIS to save all of reality (again). This wounded and weary DOCTOR asks to speak to AMY prior to take off and MATT SMITH, for such a young actor, taps into something ancient and wise beyond his years. He suddenly transforms himself into a grandfather like character in tone and he really sells it.

After his plan to save reality works we see the DOCTOR going backwards on his own time line as his existence is being undone. He quickly discovers that AMY, having grown up by one of these cracks, has the ability to hear him but not see him. This leads to that moment I wrote wondering about weeks ago from FLESH AND STONE where he is once again in his jacket when he should be jacket-less and he tells AMY the importance of remembering what he told her when she was seven. The very next scene leads us to what it was he told her, which is a wonderful tale of a man who seems to be accepting his fate and he speaks of himself and the life he’s lived to a sleeping AMELIA POND before he walks into the crack and saves everything (again).

The moment the DOCTOR started going back on his timeline the story quietly transitioned to that fairy tale I was talking about. The wonderful speaches lead to AMY waking up to a world where
her entire family and life was restored in ways we hadn’t even know it was fractured by the crack’s in time/space. As we see her wedding day events transpire and we slowly discover that the DOCTOR wasn’t being reflective at all on his life but he was in fact planting himself into AMY’s mind to try to bring himself back. “Nothing’s ever forgotten, not really,” the DOCTOR had said before and once remembered it can be brought back. The DOCTOR chose his words carefully so that the TARDIS becomes the “something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blew” for AMY and her memory and belief in the DOCTOR, much like the clapping for Tinkerbell, brings him back. This revelation could have potentially been one of the hokier scenes of the show however KAREN GILLAN as AMY delivers her lines with such conviction and emotion that belief, for me, gets completely suspended and a near eye-watering moment occurs.

As I also wrote about last week there were hints of what is to come next season. RIVER tells the DOCTOR that very soon he will know who she is and she’s sorry because that’s when everything changes. That’s a pretty good indicator that she’ll be back next season. The DOCTOR himself even mentions how the SILENCE or whatever it was that took control of the TARDIS is still out there. Could this be what next year’s arc story will be (and will we find out why the voice that said “SILENCE WILL FALL” sounded so much like DAVROS)? All really good questions that we won’d find out for another nine or 10 month’s I’m sure but we do at least have a Christmas special to look forward too!

Now that we’ve gotten down to my final WHAT on WHO let’s find out what what I’ll say to watch this week, shall we?

MONDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: A bunch of guys clearly don’t know the man code as they talk all about how they were rejected on THE BACHELORETTE: THE MEN TELL ALL.

NBC – 9:00 PM: With less finalists on tonight’s LAST COMIC STANDING maybe the laugh-to-minute ratio will be back on track tonight.

HBO – 9:00 PM: Considering how much I was destroyed by what I saw in THE BLIND SIDE the harsh reality depicted in the documentary HOMELESS: MOTEL KIDS OF ORANGE COUNTY.

ABC – 10:00 PM: What, two hours of whining dudes not enough for you? Go behind the scenes of all the BACHELOR/ETTE stuff in tonight’s 20/20 SPECIAL: BEHIND THE ROSE.

TUESDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: Having seen not a single frame yet I have to wonder how much of BREAKTHROUGH WITH TONY ROBBINS will be life changing and how much will ask me to buy his life changing program (again).

DISC – 9:00 PM: While still coping with the loss of CAPTAIN PHIL the DEADLIEST CATCH crew has to deal with a stormy and difficult Bergin Sea in tonight’s season finale.

FOX – 9:00 PM: CHEF GORDON RAMSAY continues his televised take-over with tonight’s premiere of his new show MASTER CHEF.

A&E – 10:00 PM: Hoping for some FAMILY JEWELS magic A&E follows the family of former TWISTED SISTER front man DEE SNIDER in GROWING UP TWISTED. Will we like it or are we not going to take it?

DISC – 10:00 PM: There’s reality TV and then there’s REALITY TV when it comes to THE COLONY. It’s dirty, gritty, and there’s no creature comforts at all. I love it.

WEDNESDAY

THE CW – 9:00 PM: The CW premieres their make-over/dating help show titled PLAIN JANE.

ANIMAL PLANET – 9:00 PM: You know there really is a building hoarding problem in America when a show like ANIMAL HOARDERS is even possible. Tonight’s episode features a husband finally putting his foot down with his wife’s 87 dogs. Yeah, 87.

THURSDAY

ABC – 11:00 AM: I don’t watch THE VIEW but I’d love to tune in today to see ELISABETH HASSELBECK getting violently ill when PRESIDENT OBAMA is life in the studio.

CBS – 8:00 PM: Will it be KATHY or ANDREW making the walk of shame out of the BIG BROTHER house tonight? Hopefully, after this, we’re one exit away from them trying to put someone previously booted back in the house.

MTV – 10:00 PM: That sound you are hearing are the embarrassed groans of millions of NEW JERSEY natives as by tonight’s return of JERSEY SHORE.

FRIDAY

TLC – 8:00 PM: A three episode mini-marathon of SAY YES TO THE DRESS leads up to the 9:30 premiere of the newest annex SAY YES TO THE DRESS:ATLANTA.

ABC – 8:00 PM: Seems WIFE SWAP is really scraping the bottom of the barrel as one wife is dedicated to helping her son’s hip-hop career where as the other is a neglectful step-mom that would rather hunt the elusive Swamp Ape in Florida. Yes, you read that right.

SATURDAY

ABC FAMILY – 12:30 PM: First there’s all three BACK TO THE FUTURE movies and they’re followed up by GREASE and GREASE 2? Oh man, if the channel didn’t have commercials I’d have no reason to move.

USA – 1:00 PM: OK, so DOC BROWN isn’t up your alley? How about all three PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN movies?

FX – 2:00 PM: WOW! This Saturday is MARATHON-TASTIC! How about five hours of the FOX summer show THE GOOD GUYS?

NBC – 8:00 PM: This week’s winner of the “I stopped giving a crap” award goes to PERSONS UNKNOWN.

SYFY – 9:00 PM: This week’s most obvious rip-off of an INDIANA JONES movie award goes to JACK HUNTER: THE LOST TREASURE OF UGARIT.

SUNDAY

FOX – 7:00 PM: I enjoyed the pilot but the swiftness that FOX ushered TYLER LABINE‘s show SONS OF TUCSON off the air made me miss most of the rest of the run. Tonight they limply air the series finale.

AMC – 8:00 PM: I’ve heard so much about RUBICON that I have to tune in even if I don’t want to.

CBS – 8:00 PM: It’s that time of the week again where we find out who the new HoH puts up on the chopping block on BIG BROTHER. Hopefully it will be RACHEL because I just can’t stand people that yell talk at the camera.

AMC – 10:00 PM: With the new agency landing a big client it’s time for a party on MAD MEN.

July 26, 2010

Hands Down #10

Filed under: Comic Strips,Hands Down — Tags: , , , , — Aaron @ 3:24 am

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Welcome to Hands Down, FRED’s own look into the world of the folks that frequent this sordid world of geekery. Follow Aaron, Brian and Colin (and a menagerie on the way) as they traverse the light fantastic or some such nonsense… What? It’s an online fortnightly comic strip, what kind of description did you expect?

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Enter The HANDS DOWN Competition

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VISIT THE HANDS DOWN ARCHIVES

Follow Hands Down on Twitter

Written by Aaron Poole. Art by John Merker. Copyright 2010.

July 23, 2010

Party Favors: News Harsh

Filed under: Joe Corey's Party Favors — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:31 am

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HAMSTERDAM, MD – News at 4:20. As part of the celebration for the upcoming season of Weeds, Glick University polled over 4,000 Americans about what TV News personalities they wanted to see get high during a broadcast.

Naturally there were ground rules including the disqualifications of news organizations that contain notorious on air potheads. This meant no votes were collected for the cast of The Daily Show, Colbert Report and Fox and Friends. You think Steve Doocey is sober? Hard to think that any of those folks have eyes that aren’t pied 24-7.

10, Bill O’Reilly (Fox News) had a lot of folks who reacted that it’d be like, “Dude, I’m getting high with dad.” Of course this initial elation is cut down with the horrifying fact of “Dude, I’m getting high with dad and it’s just not someone I need to party with.”

Rick Sanchez (CNN) had plenty of folks wanting to know what it’d be like to get him smoked up and then zap him with a taser.

Larry King (CNN) had many of the ladies want to use his suspenders as roach clips.

Dylan Ratigan (MSNBC) got a lot of pity votes from people who think he needs to calm down with a little smoke. Dylan better plan letting his bong get a cap and trade agreement.

6 Maria Bartiromo (CNBC) since everything goes smooth with the Money Honey.

Anderson Cooper (CNN) messing up his hair was the big preoccupation. Plus they figure he could use his reporter vest as a stash.

George Stephanopoulos (ABC) hit it big with numerous people wanting him to get so wasted that he can’t even pronounce his last name.

3. Katie Couric (CBS) want to see if she can make a bong out of Edward R. Murrow’s old microphone.

2 Rachel Maddow (MSNBC) just to get her blushing.

Glenn Beck cornered the market on votes. People wanted to see him go all freaky conspiracy theory with each toke. “Have you ever see the back of a Constitution… on WEED?” Most of his voters also believed after he gets a buzz, Beck will call every connection he had during his morning Zoo days and make it a blizzard in July.

Season Six of Weeds starts off August 16 on Showtime.

CLEVELAND ROCKED

For all those people in Cleveland whining about LeBron James leaving, shut up. You lost your true cultural genius when Harvey Pekar died. The only thing going for your city is Iron Chef Michael Symon. If he takes his pork plates to a bigger city, you might as well set the river on fire and walk away. Pekar’s American Splendor comic books made me like okra.

MEL’S COMEBACK

Party Favors Pictures is proud to announce we’ve just signed Mel Gibson to star in The Burning Bed 2: His Side of the Flames. This is going to be gold. He’s already agreed to sponsor a line of Mel Gibson Valentine’s Day cards. Mel knows what women want to hear.

ENOUGH

What cable channel in their right mind wants to make a reality show out of Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston? Do we really need to promote these famewhores who have turned their illegitimate baby into a cottage industry? Is this what really needs to be promoted in today’s culture? What’s the message of this show? That we want to make a “marriage” work for the sake of our TV careers? Can’t these people get jobs at Wal-Mart or Bob’s Salmon canning factory like their classmates? Must all their earning possibilities be tied directly to their tabloid induced profile?

MTV has already corned the market on high school sweethearts with babies. The only reason Levi got attention was his ability to trash talk Sarah Palin. Now he’s Grizzly Mom’s bitch boy. Who cares? After Bristol’s craptacular acting debut, she’s really not ready to perform on a “reality” show. She’s no Tori Spelling.

We’ve pretty much gotten rid of Heidi and Spencer with the cancellation of The Hills. Let’s keep these Alaskan Dimwits off the Boob Tube.

BLU-RAY HEAVEN

Yo Joe! G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero: The Movie kicks off with a massive battle between Cobra and the Joes around the Statue of Liberty. With all the bullets and lasers, how exactly did the landmark not end up looking like Lindsay Lohan? All the major characters and action figures get screen time. Don Johnson (Miami Vice) voices the new guy who needs to be whipped into shape. There’s only one man who can do that: pro wrestler Sgt. Slaughter. Cobra-La makes its presence known with it’s leader voiced by Burgess Meredith (Batman‘s The Penguin). The Blu-ray transfer cleans up the artwork. It’s like they’re flipping the cells right on the screen. This is much better than last summer’s live action G.I. Joe movie. Writer Buzz Dixon provides the commentary track. He lets us know the evil stories about Cobra Commander slapping the craft service guy over a raisin bagel. The best bonus feature is eight “Knowing Is Half the Battle” PSAs. They also provide a DVD of the movie so you can watch it in the car.

DVD SHELF

The Bong Joon-jo Collection proves that the South Korean director of The Host isn’t a one genre guy. He can do more than a mysterious monster attacking the city. The boxset contains The Host, Mother and Barking Dogs Never Bite. Mother is a legal thriller about son getting busted for murder. His mother swears he’s innocent and only guilty because of a lame lawyer and evil cops. She does her own investigation and gets an eyeful of what her son was doing without her. It’s an intense family thriller that keeps up the tension. Barking Dogs Never Bite is Bong Joon-jo’s first feature. The film is a dark comedy about a grad student tired of the barking dogs owned by the neighbors. If you hate your neighbor’s yapping mutt, you’ll be rooting for the insanity. All three films can be bought separately as well as in the boxset. Boon Joon-jo is a cinematic chameleon going from big monsters to little dogs without losing a beat.

Hawaii Five-O: The Ninth Season opens with the return of evil Chinese agent Wo Fat (Khigh Dhiegh). He orchestrates the heist of dangerous toxins at the University of Hawaii. When Steve McGarrett (Jack Lord) goes to Hong Kong in pursuit of Wo Fat, he loses his home court advantage. “Oldest Profession: Latest Price” has a pimp thinning out the hookers on the island. How is Ned Beatty involved? “Heads, You’re Dead” is based on the true crime of people who sign up as crew members on luxury yachts only to mutiny, kill the owners and resell the boats. The Five-O crew has to go undercover. “The Bells Toll at Noon” dares to let Rich Little impersonate a man out to kill all those responsible for a girl’s overdose. “Dealer’s Choice – Blackmail” brings us John Ritter (Three’s Company) as a gambler in a mess of problems and a cop sister. “Blood Money Is Hard to Wash” places Jo Anne Worley in a football team profit skimming scheme. Hawaii Five-O is still in it’s Island Justice groove. There’s only three seasons of the original left to be released.

Galaxy of Terror – Roger Corman Cult Classics is a mix of Alien and Love Boat. A crew is woken up for an emergency mission on a strange planet. They encounter their worst fear in the dark and shadowy settlement. Sound familiar? No need to look up since the spaceship is loaded with stars. Erin Moran (Happy Days), Ray Walston (My Favorite Martian), Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm Street), Sid Haig (Devil’s Rejects), Grace Zabriskie (Big Love) and Zalman King (Red Show Diaries) are the crew. What’s more astounding is the production designer was James Cameron with Bill Paxton doing set decorating. Think of all the talent on a Roger Corman set. The strange thought is how a few years after making this knock off movie, Cameron was in the director’s chair for Aliens. It’s almost a dress rehearsal for him. The bonus features including various cast and crew talking about working with Cameron. Other bonus features focus on how they made this low budget intergalactic hell in a lumberyard. There’s also a Blu-ray with all the goodies.

Forbidden World: Roger Corman’s Cult Classics should not be confused with Forbidden Planet. Although it could slightly be confused with Galaxy of Terror. Director Allan Holzman told Roger Corman he had a movie idea based on the sets of the previous film. Roger still had the camera package and sent the plucky editor off to prove himself with a marathon one day shoot. After the first seven minutes were shot, Allan was given the green light to make a feature film. A bounty hunter arrives at a remote science lab on a distant planet. They need his help with an experiment known as Subject 20. Before you get grossed out with the mutant carnage, prepare to enjoy the nearly naked Dawn Dunlap and June Chadwick who hate their lab coats. These ladies get sweaty while hunting down the monster so naturally they need to shower. Not to spoil the movie, but the ladies do find the soap. The major bonus feature is the original director’s cut. Corman didn’t like the humor and snipped a few minutes before the theatrical release. There are plenty of interviews with the cast and crew about the film. If you want the 1080p glory, pick up the Blu-ray. Here’s a trailer of the film when it was released as Mutant.

Mystery Science Theater 3000: XVIII presents another four movies enhances with the wisecrack of a space traveler and his robot pals. “Lost Continent” brings the savage glory of rock climbing. Even with a cast headed by Hugh Beaumont (Leave It to Beaver and Cesar Romero (Batman‘s Joker), the rock climbing is terminal. There are dinosaurs. Joel discovers Hugh Beaumont is the fourth rider of the apocalypse. “Crash of the Moons” is three episodes of the Rocky Jones series. The best casting is John Banner (Hogan’s Heroes‘ Sgt. Schlutz). Jack Frost is a Soviet fairytale with high production status and freaky plotlines. The Beast of Yucca Flats is Tor Johnson’s greatest cinema work outside of Ed Wood films. He’s a Soviet scientist that gets caught in an atomic blast. The bonus feature includes a documentary about how the film was made. The best on the DVD is the short “Progress Island, U.S.A.” about setting up a factory in Puerto Rico. Mike Nelson and the Bots make even Ricky Martin cry with their wisecracks.

Sgt. Bilko – The Phil Silvers Show: Season One finally gives the military insanity properly. A few years ago they put out a nice compilation set, but that merely made me hungry for all 4 seasons of the iconic series. Sgt. Bilko (Silvers) is the ultimate hustler on Fort Baxter. He’s got every racket covered with the help of Harvey Lembeck (Beach Party) and Allan Melvin (The Brady Bunch). Cards, dice, booze, dances and every form of vice is provided by this leader of the outlandish. That’s not to say he wins every battle of wits, but he gets more than he gives. If you’re a fan of Hogan’s Heroes and Gomer Pyle U.S.M.C., you must partake of the glory that is Sgt. Bilko. The 34 episodes are spread over 5 DVDs. The bonus features include original cast commercials, the audition footage and commentary tracks from Melvin and George Kennedy. They even toss in a Lucy Show episode with Phil Silvers as the guest star.

Matlock: The Fifth Season brings more of deep fried legal thrilling from Andy Griffith. He’s the down home lawyer in Atlanta that loves his banjo and hotdogs. The show is set up this season so we know the killer before Matlock gets the case. “The Mother” has a woman get upset when her boss decides she’s not cutting it as his mistress. The boss ends up dead and the girl’s mom takes the fall. Matlock represents the mom, but doesn’t want her to make the false confession. “Nowhere to Turn” has Matlock charged with killing a judge that slapped him with a contempt of court. “The Madam” has Matlock hanging out with hookers that kill. “The Brothers” makes us ponder if you can convict a man on eyewitness testimony if he has a twin brother. It’s almost a Nip/Tuck episode since the murder victim is a plastic surgeon. “The Critic” has a legit theater reviewer dead and the main suspect be a horrible playwright. Will the screenwriter allow his peer to be the real killer? The highlight of the show is when Don Knotts appears as Matlock’s pal. It’s a mini Andy Griffith Show reunion worth of a smile on Abe Simpson’s face.

The Lucy Show: The Official Second Season brings color and Mr. Mooney. While the series was still being broadcast in black and white on CBS, Lucy sprung for glorious Technicolor. Now you can enjoy the wacky red head with actual red in her hair. There were major changes for Lucille Ball’s follow up to I Love Lucy. Mr. Mooney (Gail Gordon) was in charge of her late husband’s trust fund. Many of the episodes dealt with her begging for an advance on the money. Vivian Vance (I Love Lucy‘s Ethel Mertz) is still her divorcee roommate. The two get in plenty of trouble. Their kids get less screen time. The bonus features include cast commercials which mainly feature the kids and Viv pushing soap. There’s an interview with Barry Livingston about his working with William Frawley and Vivian Vance during this time. The big extra is a special Lucy did with Bob Hope that spoofs her running Desilu studio. It’s a fine present for the Lucy fanatic in your life.

The Superhero Squad Show: Volume 1, Quest for the Infinity Sword is Muppet Babies for Marvel Superheroes. What happens when the world’s biggest superheroes are drawn as little kids? It’s backyard mayhem in Super Hero City. There’s mini versions of Thor, Iron Man, Hulk, Wolverine, Falcon and Silver Surfer battling a mini-Dr. Doom and other tiny baddies. There’s a lot of humor in the scripts. It’s kinda like Tiny Toons in tone. The Cartoon Network series is aimed for the kids. Volume 1 covers the first seven episodes. This is a fun show to introduce the Marvel universe to a small child without overwhelming them with the adult mythology. The bonus feature is an interview with Stan Lee. He’s the geek version of Betty White.

Sabrina the Teenage Witch: The Final Season wraps up the magical series that starred Nick Bakay as a talking cat. The show was bound to come to an end since star Melissa Joan Hart was in her late 20s and not really a teenager. She and Soleil Moon Frye (Punky Brewster) move into the aunt’s old house. She wants to settle down. Bakay’s talking cat complicates things by getting her ex-crush to hit on her while she has eyes for a different guy. Not to spoil the action, but the finale involves a wedding. The big bonus is Sabrina Goes to Rome movie. Bakay went on to work on King of Queens.

Street Hawk: The Complete Series is the greatest TV show from the ’80s that you might have missed. Rex Smith (Solid Gold) rides around Los Angeles on a super motorcycle that can hit 300 mph and fire rockets to the tunes of Tangerine Dream. How did this only last 13 episodes? George Clooney gets his first big gig as Rex’s old pal who shows up in town around the same time a car theft ring goes into overdrive in “A Second Self.” Sybil Danning is on the run from mobsters in “Vegas Run.” She’s feisty even when she needs help from Street Hawk. The bonus features include an early cut of the pilot and a documentary that explains so much about the show.

The Job reminds us to be careful of temp agencies. Bubba (Patrick Flueger of 4400) is scrapping heard to get a gig. Ron Pearlman (Sons of Anarchy) tips him off to an employment agency run by Joe Pantoliano (Matrix). I’m not going to spoil Joe’s hair in this film. Turns out Joey Pant’s company isn’t merely looking for people to do minor jobs. Bubba takes the job since he’s got nothing else working for him. However the responsibilities of the position change. He really has to kill to impress his new boss. Director Shem Bitterman has done a fine twist on the genre. It’s a devilish nightmare about today’s unemployment issues. You can watch the trailer to get a sense of Joey Pants’ hair.

Acceptance touches upon the yearly crisis of picking the right college. Nowadays with the cost of tuition, you really should settle on the perfect school since you’ll be paying loans for the next 20 years. Taylor Rockefeller (Parenthood‘s Mae Whitman) can’t stand being pressured to apply to Yale by her mom (Joan Cusack). She wants a nice place. She also has a hobby that’s a felony. The movie also stars the guy who does those Fiber ads on TV. The movie gets to the sad truth that you need to find a place that won’t make you bitter about a massive student loan. Cusack adapts well to the mom role.

Weekend Shopping Guide 7/23/10: Look Around You

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The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the FRED Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

(Please support FRED by using the links below to make any impulse purchases – it helps to keep us going…)

Children of the 70’s and 80’s remember well the overly-earnest, deadly-dry, unintentionally laughable educational films and programs that were a regular staple of the classroom. Well, the brilliant Peter Serafinowicz & Robert Popper have taken that fertile ground and crafted a magnificently bent parody in Look Around You (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$24.98 SRP), the first season of which makes its long-awaited Stateside DVD debut in a special edition that contains a bonus double-length episode, a pop video, a Little Mouse commentary, music, and more, but also newly recorded creators & guest star audio commentaries. Buy this now.

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Time to upgrade your trusty old lunchbox? Why not go with the Mr. Bento Stainless Lunch Jar ($54.99), which features four high quality hot or cold bowls stacked within a stainless steel container. Heck, you even get a spork and a back to hold it all. How convenient is that?

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If you’re only knowledge of the character is the equally underrated film, do yourself a favor and pick up the beautifully presented Rocketeer: The Complete Adventures (IDW, $29.99 SRP), which collects every bit of Dave Stevens thrilling, gorgeous comics about the high-flying hero, along with rare promotional art.

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If you go into Cop Out (Warner Bros., Rated R, Blu-Ray-$35.99 SRP) will an appreciation of the buddy cop flicks that littered the 80’s, then you know what the film paying homage to, and it’s a fun homage at that. Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan fill the buddy shoes this go round, in a flick where plot is not nearly as important as the vibe. The main bonus feature is the “Maximum Comedy Mode”, which drops picture-in-picture Kevin Smith into a guide tour of the film incorporating commentary, alternate/deleted footage, and even Seann William Scott.

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The term “classic” gets thrown about with abandon nowadays, and I’d certainly question its application I the “Roger Corman’s Cult Classics” line of catalogue releases, but there’s no doubt that “cult” is more than applicable. The latest pair of additions to the line are Forbidden World, & Galaxy Of Terror (Shout Factory, Rated R, DVD-$19.93 SRP each), both of which are packed with bonus materials, including commentaries, featurettes, interviews, and more.

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What do you get one a vampire, a werewolf, and a ghost shack up together? The supernatural Three’s Company dramedy that is the BBC’s Being Human (BBC, Not Rated, Blu-Ray-$39.98 SRP), the first season of which is now available. The 2-disc set contains all 13 episodes, plus featurettes, deleted scenes, video diaries, and more.

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It’s gut level humor and certainly not high-brow, but its base nature is probably why my nephews got such a kick out of Cats & Dogs (Warner Bros., Rated PG, Blu-Ray-$24.98 SRP), which pits the two eternal enemies against each other in a high tech battle beneath the oblivious noses of the human world. The new high definition edition contains an audio commentary, featurettes, storyboard comparisons, and concept sketches.

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The residents of the Springfield Retirement Castle will be delighted at the release of Matlock: Season Five (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$49.99 SRP). Heck, this season even brings the down-home southern lawyer out to Hollywood, and gives him his first 2-hour “Matlock Movie Mystery”. The 6-disc set contains all 21 episodes.

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You know, I kind of dug The Losers (Warner Bros., Rated PG-13, Blu-Ray-$35.99 SRP) – It’s a big, dumb, goofy, fun action film of the kind made popular in the 80’s, when big guns, big booms, and quips ruled the day. The plot is largely irrelevant – just imagine it as a little bit Magnificent Seven and a little bit A-Team. Bonus materials include featurettes and a deleted scene.

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Get all goofy with Batman, Superman, and all the rest down at the Hall of Justice with the second volume of Super Friends!: Season One (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$26.98 SRP), featuring another 8 episodes across 2 discs. Meanwhile, back at the… Well, you know…

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Fear for the future of civilization after viewing even one minute of Jersey Shore: Season One (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$19.99 SRP), and hope that the sheer stupidity on display will remove the cast from the gene pool in the near future. Bonus materials include audio commentaries, featurettes, deleted scenes, and the reunion special.

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So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

-Ken Plume

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Trailer Park: CLASH OF THE TITANS, TERRIBLY HAPPY, RAMONA AND BEEZUS

Filed under: Reviews,Trailer Park — Tags: , , — admin @ 1:19 am

By Christopher Stipp

The Archives, Right Here

Check out my other column, This Week In Trailers, at SlashFilm.com and follow me on TWITTER under the name: Stipp

CLASH OF THE TITANS – Giveaway

clash-of-the-titans-dvdI didn’t a chance to see this movie when it came out theatrically months ago but I couldn’t be more eager to see what Louis Leterrier concocted. I am an unabashed fan of both The Transporter and The Incredible Hulk so it’s only right to be at least interested in knowing how the man created a 450 million dollar box office juggernaut.

I may have to get my own Blu-ray, if you’re gonna see the Kracken you’ve got to see the Kracken in high def, but I have a copy of the DVD to give to 2 lucky readers.

All you need to do to enter is to shoot me a message at Christopher_Stipp@yahoo.com and give me at least one actor who played in the original film that started it all. And, as an aside, I know people knock the original for whatever reason but that movie was a touchstone in my youth as it was the first Ray Harryhausen film I came into contact with. It’s a great fantasy epic and I hope that this new version captures that same level of adventure.

Good luck!

About the DVD/Blu-ray:

Jump into a mythological world of epic action and adventure when “Clash of the Titans” arrives on Blu-ray Combo Pack and DVD on July 27th from Warner Home Video.  “Clash of the Titans” propels audiences into the mythological realm of Perseus’ quest amidst a world where the gods are formidable and the creatures even more fearsome.

The Blu-ray disc includes an exciting never-before-seen alternate ending and the immersive Maximum Movie Mode, which includes walk-ons by Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, and Director Louis Leterrier, focus points, Picture-in-Picture commentary, and BD-Live connectivity.

As a war rages between men and kings and kings and gods, the battle amongst the gods is the one that could ultimately destroy the world.  Hope rests with one. Perseus, son of god, Zeus, yet raised a man, sets off on a hazardous journey deep into forbidden worlds to avenge the death of his family and defeat Hades, vengeful god of the underworld, before he can seize power from Zeus and unleash hell on earth.  Leading the charge, Perseus battles unholy demons and fearsome beasts, but will only survive if he can accept his power as a god, defy his fate and create his own destiny.

From director, Louis Leterrier (“The Transporter”, “The Incredible Hulk”) “Clash of the Titans” stars Sam Worthington (“Avatar”, “Terminator Salvation”), Liam Neeson (upcoming “The A-Team”, “Batman Begins”, “Gangs of New York”), Ralph Fiennes (upcoming “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” Parts I & II, “The Hurt Locker”, The Constant Gardner”) and Gemma Arterton (upcoming “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time”, “Quantum of Solace”).

On July 27, “Clash of the Titans” theatrical version will also be available ON DEMAND through Digital Cable, Satellite TV, Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 game consoles. The Unrated Cut and theatrical version can be downloaded for rental or purchase on iTunes and Amazon Video On Demand.

SYNOPSIS

In “Clash of the Titans,” the ultimate struggle for power pits men against kings and kings against gods. But the war between the gods themselves could destroy the world. Born of a god but raised as a man, Perseus (Sam Worthington) is helpless to save his family from Hades (Ralph Fiennes), vengeful god of the underworld. With nothing left to lose, Perseus volunteers to lead a dangerous mission to defeat Hades before he can seize power from Zeus (Liam Neeson) and unleash hell on earth.

Perseus sets off on a perilous journey deep into forbidden worlds, leading a daring band of warriors, including Draco (Mads Mikkelsen), an experienced soldier who encourages the defiant Perseus to make use of his god-given abilities. Battling unholy demons and fearsome beasts, they will only survive if Perseus can accept his power as a god, defy his fate and create his own destiny.

DVD ELEMENTS

The “Clash of the Titans” DVD Single Disc the following special features:

o        Deleted Scenes

The “Clash of the Titans” Blu-ray Disc contains the following special features:

o        Sam Worthington: An Action Hero for the Ages

o        Deleted Scenes

o        Alternate Ending

o        Maximum Movie Mode: Join Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, and Director Louis Leterrier on an incredible journey all while you watch the movie.

Featurette Focus Points

o       Sam Worthington is Perseus

o       Harnessing the Gods

o       Zeus: Father of Gods and Men

o       Enter the World of Hades

o       Calibos: The Man Behind the Monster

o       Tenerife: A Continent on an Island

o       Scorpioch

o       Actors and Their Stunts

o       Wales : A Beautiful Scarred Landscape

o       Bringing Medusa to Life

o       Prepare for the Kraken!

o        More than forty minutes of picture in picture (PiP) commentary

o        BD-Live

o       Clash of the Titans: International Special

o        DVD Combo Disc

o       Feature film in standard definition

o       Digital Copy (Windows Media and iTunes)

RAMONA AND BEEZUS – Review

ramona-and-beezus-posterTo review this film with the usual sets of criteria usually reserved for any other movie would be unfair.

The film, a sticky, saccharine sweet yarn about a young girl’s journey though pre-tween issues isn’t very resonant. It’s not that director Elizabeth Allen’s last theatrical effort, 2006’s Aquamarine, made a bad movie but it’s just not very interesting if you’re not a girl between the ages of 5 and 12 or a woman who can identify with what it was like to be that age.

More suitable for the Disney Channel than it is a movie theater Ramona and Beezus is a movie made for the kind of parents who find a PG rating too racy or scripted television too daring. The plot does tempt with mature themes as Ramona’s (Joey King) father, played by John Corbett, is laid off from work and the family is put into a tizzy as everyone tries to figure out how to move forward in a house that is on the verge of being sold, how to deal with Ramona’s increasingly troubled behavior, and a multitude of other minor troubles that are completely germane to films like this.

Never mind debating whether the movie is representative of any kind of progressive idea or is the springboard for a budding director who is showing great promise but save for a few animated moments within the film there is nothing terribly exciting or noteworthy for a completely forgettable piece of art. However forgettable it might be, though, the movie does manage to satisfy the needs for any female child looking for a film that has enough sterile slapstick and generic goofiness which will all but avoid any kind of editing once it does make it on television.

To see how Ramona evolves as a character isn’t very satisfying as we’re essentially right where we are when we began this movie, and the only evolution any of the other supporting players has is all but obvious at the outset, and I don’t think the point for this movie to exist isn’t to push the boundaries of any narrative storytelling. Yet, it exists solely to showcase characters from a book series that, itself, doesn’t dare to be anything else other than light reading. On that account alone it succeeds in being a syllogistic representation that faithfully adheres to the characters and situations of the novels. In other words, young girls will dig this.

TERRIBLY HAPPY – DVD Review

terribly_happy_posterYou must, must check this film out. If you only make enough to buy 1 DVD, and Lord knows that is the least of your problems if you’re on that tight of a budget, make this one you get this month as this movie has still stayed with me months after seeing it. It’s available now from Oscilloscope Laboratories so do what you can to witness one of the brightest spots of the spring movie season.

Because I really am a fan of this film here is my theatrical review of the film and I hope at least one of you investigate a great movie you probably never heard of:

You have to look at a performance by Christoph Waltz in Inglorious Basterds in order to fully comprehend why Jakob Cedergren, who plays town cop Robert Hansen in Terribly Happy, deserves his own spot on the world stage.

Cedergren takes a character, an urban police offer who is exiled into a rural, remote village town after having a nervous breakdown, and twists it into a complex individual who has no predictability, no hints about what he’s going to do next. He’s thrilling to watch on screen as he is tasked with what ought to be a simple enough assignment: watch over a sleepy hollow where no one seems to even want official law enforcement. The town has its own rule of law, its own way of handling things, and Cedergren disturbs the natural order with his presence. He’s a cop who seems to engender not an ounce of intimidation or respect from the townsfolk but he does find a kindred spirit in a local woman who isn’t from around here, either, a woman with her own secrets.

The pastoral themes abound in a town that wants to keep its close knit community closed off from interlopers looking to change things and Cedergren is absolutely dynamic in a role that showcases his range, not only in ability, but in the way his character vacillates throughout the film. When we meet him he’s Superman, a hero who is absolute in his convictions and black and white-ness, but, by the end of the movie, as the town’s secrets slowly give up its dead, it’s Batman that takes over. By the third act moral ambiguity becomes the predominant theme, the line between what’s right and what’s wrong blurs in ways that haven’t been seen in modern cinema in some time.

Sure, to those who wonder whether director Henrik Ruben Genz’s film that deals with such ambiguity smacks of Cohen or Lynch-ian type of filmmaking would be right in postulating as such but that would be a disservice to a filmmaker who demonstrates his ability to craft a noir tale that does not relent. More importantly, Genz’s film is its own creation, living and breathing within this hermetically sealed world where oddity is subjective. For example, when we meet who is ostensibly the femme fatale of this thriller, Ingerlise (played by Lene Maria Christensen), she leans on Cedergren to help her escape her abusive husband Jørgen (Kim Bodnia). The outcome of what will be a face off between these two men will not only surprise you in its originality but will satisfy any filmgoer’s expectation to be entertained along with being jolted. The dark comedy that simmers below this film’s bleak palette is there but it exists only insofar in its subtlety. It won’t smack you or be ostentatious in order for you to recognize it but that’s the draw with filmmakers of this type. It makes you work for it but there is a payoff in the form of the movie’s themes.

Such a theme, like subjugation, looms large when you consider the movie deals a lot with the idea of drowning a town’s dark secrets in its bogs. Literally. Bogs play a symbolic role but, again, its use is done with intelligence, not obviousness.

The movie transcends its linguistic cadence that does take some getting used to but, once you give into how it is telling its story, the story is enveloping to the point of amazement. Amazement that this movie has flown underneath so many people’s radars because it offers so much sustenance to those hungry for a good story about a man who has to trade in some of his altruistic character in order to maintain some sense of normalcy in a town where absolutely nothing is normal.

PERSONAL SHOUT OUT

jane-doeNot that many of you would care but after 9 months of gestation I am utterly delighted and tickled to introduce my newest daughter Nina Elizabeth.

Weighing in at a whopping 8 lbs. 10 oz. this little cannonball is the reason that I was not able to make it to this year’s San Diego Comic-Con. Believe me, she’ll hear about it for the rest of her natural born life but here’s to hoping it’s a long one…I’ve got a lot of guilt to sling her way.  As Will Smith said in Independence Day: Welcome to Erf.

July 22, 2010

Contest Round-Up: 2010-07-22

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Welcome to our weekly round-up of featured giveaways here at FRED. Every week, we’ll present a new clutch of DVDs, books, and other cool stuff you can take a shot at winning. All you have to do is click on the graphics below to be taken to their respective contest pages. And good luck!

In conjunction with BBC Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of LOOK AROUND YOU: SEASON 1 on DVD.

In conjunction with MTV Home Video, we’re giving away five (5) copies of JERSEY SHORE: SEASON 1 on DVD.

In conjunction with History Channel Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of LIFE AFTER PEOPLE: SEASON 2 on Blu-Ray.

In conjunction with MGM Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of STARGATE UNIVERSE 1.5 on DVD.

In conjunction with New Video, we’re giving away five (5) copies of RED VS. BLUE: SEASON 6 on DVD.

In conjunction with A&E Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER: CRIME IS ON THE RUN on DVD.

Win DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER: CRIME IS ON THE RUN on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:34 pm

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In conjunction with A&E Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER: CRIME IS ON THE RUN on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 4th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 4th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Win RED VS. BLUE: SEASON 6 on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:29 pm

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In conjunction with New Video, we’re giving away five (5) copies of RED VS. BLUE: SEASON 6 on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 4th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 4th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Win STARGATE UNIVERSE 1.5 on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:20 pm

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In conjunction with MGM Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of STARGATE UNIVERSE 1.5 on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 4th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 4th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Win LIFE AFTER PEOPLE: SEASON 2 on Blu-Ray!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:13 pm

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In conjunction with History Channel Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of LIFE AFTER PEOPLE: SEASON 2 on Blu-Ray.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 4th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 4th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Win JERSEY SHORE: SEASON 1 on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:04 pm

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In conjunction with MTV Home Video, we’re giving away five (5) copies of JERSEY SHORE: SEASON 1 on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 4th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 4th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Win LOOK AROUND YOU: SEASON 1 on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — Tags: , , , , , , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:56 pm

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In conjunction with BBC Home Video, we’re giving away three (3) copies of LOOK AROUND YOU: SEASON 1 on DVD.

Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 4th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of FRED Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

One entry per day, per person.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, August 4th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

TV Or Not TV: Your Appointment With The Doctor

Filed under: TV Or Not TV — Tags: , — admin @ 10:36 pm

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To say that I’m looking forward to this Saturday is probably an extreme understatement. The family has absolutely nothing on the calendar, I’m going to get all my chores caught up on Friday and I plan on firmly planting myself in front of the TV on SATURDAY because there’s a DOCTOR WHO marathon all day on BBC AMERICA that kicks off at 9 AM E / 6 AM P.

Usually saying that there is a DOCTOR WHO marathon on BBC AMERICA isn’t a very special commentary since they do happen from time to time. This Saturday however they are re-airing the entire run of the most recent series of DOCTOR WHO that will culminate with the season finale titled THE BIG BANG. US audiences will finally find out how the PANDORICA will be re-opened, how all of existence will be restored and how a fez is just as cool as a bow tie. THE BIG BANG is filled with all kinds of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey goodness that draws you in from the get go with a big reveal right before the opening credits that dropped my jaw.

Before I get too much into THE BIG BANG I’d be remiss not to mention the incredible gem that this entire series of DOCTOR WHO has been. I know that prior to it’s debut there was some trepidation about the casting of MATT SMITH as THE DOCTOR. I think most people would agree that this was dispelled within the first 10 minutes of the season’s opening episode THE ELEVENTH HOUR. SMITH brings a natural energy and quirkiness to the role that fans are able to gobble up almost every moment that he’s on screen. He’s able to do all this but also still provide a grounded and in some cases contained performance, bringing out the natural cockiness that we’ve come to expect from THE DOCTOR without being over-the-top.

In all fairness I admit I’m not just a hopeless devotee that’s been watching this season through rose colored glasses. I freely admit that I was somewhat under-impressed with episodes like VICTORY OF THE DALEKS, THE VAMPIRES OF VENICE and the two-parter THE HUNGRY EARTH / COLD BLOOD, but even in not being some of the better episodes of the season they were better than, say, anything that HEROES did in it’s last three seasons. Those four episodes only suffer from not being as strong in quality for me as the other episodes this season. THE BEAST BELOW let us get a better idea about who our new DOCTOR is, gave us more insight into our new companion and told a good tale. The WEEPING ANGELS two-part episode was everything you would expect from those creepy stone creatures as well as brining us back the mysterious RIVER SONG (who has had some of the best scenes in her first appearances both in TIME OF ANGELS and THE PANDORICA OPENS). VINCENT AND THE DOCTOR didn’t have the strongest alien story but it did have a very emotionally powerful tale to tell in the last fifteen minutes spent with VINCENT VAN GOGH. I still have to say that THE LODGER is one of my favorite episodes of the season since it was an excellent light-hearted tale where we get to see THE DOCTOR trying to deal with living a normal human life while still being THE DOCTOR. It’s humor was the perfect pallet cleanser right before the two-part season finale. Which brings us back to…

THE BIG BANG, which can be seen at 9 PM E / 6 PM P, was probably the finest hour of this season and it’s the season finale I’ve been wanting to see for a while. The cliffhanger from the preceding episode isn’t almost immediately dismissed and as the rest of the episode unveils what we see is still germane to the story we’ve been watching from the episode before. Every single member of the cast turns in a great performance and one of the standouts has to be ARTHUR DORVILL as RORY. He transitions from a character that I was willing to put up with into a character that I can’t wait to see more of. KAREN GILLAN’s AMY POND does an excellent job as well in this episode as she, early on, brings some of THE DOCTOR’s quirky delivery into her own. MATT SMITH, of course, knocks it out of the park.

There’s not really much more I can say without getting spoiler-ish so I should probably contain myself out of respect to my fellow US watchers who may not have been as ambitious as I was to already see THE BIG BANG. I will warn you to brace yourself for a surprising and wonderfully emotional performance by MATT SMITH near the end of the episode. I was also very pleased to see a part of this season clearly carrying on into the next season as THE DOCTOR himself names a mystery that is still unsolved.

There you have it folks. There’s very little else on television that I really care about this week so my one big recommendation for the week is to either introduce yourself, or say hello again, to THE DOCTOR and watch the DOCTOR WHO marathon on BBC AMERICA.

Oh, did I mention that BEING HUMAN’s second season also premieres right after? It’s a win-win for sure.

Essential Sounds (2010/07/22)

Filed under: Columns,Reviews — Tags: , , , , , — Aaron @ 8:01 am

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Essential Sounds (2010/07/22)

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Here to help? I certainly am, banging on your ear drums this week we have five fine cuts of the freshest audio around ranging from summery shoe gazing to blazing brass sections. All your musical needs are covered for another seven days this is the soundtrack to your week this is Essential Sounds.

1. Boyfriend by Best Coast

This week we kick off with this lovely lo-fi fuzzy gem from US indie duo Best Coast. “Boyfriend” is a slice of understated magic with its soaring harmonies and sunshine swagger. The best thing about this track is its simplicity with an infectious vocal delivery, shuffling rhythm and surf rock guitars this is the best summer you ever had captured in two and half minutes, actor Bill Murray considers himself a fan and so do we

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2. Who Dat? by J.Cole

Hot off the heels from last years Warm Up mixtape and the first MC up to bat for Jay Z’s newly founded Roc Nation is J.Cole and alongside Jay Electronica he is hottest commodity in hip-hop right now. “Who Dat” is the first single from his forthcoming debut album Cole World and with so much pressure on his shoulders it shows that J.Cole really is living up to his expectations. A thumping rhythm propelled into orbit with its astonishing brass work proves that there is still a creative flare within the game. Part old school joint mixed with the gusto of a marching band “Who Dat” truly flies the flag for the up and comers in this industry.

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3. Where I’m Going by Cut Copy

Looking to build upoun the success of 2008’s “In Ghost Colours” the Australian electropop group have returned with new single “Where I’m Going”. Staying true to their musical roots but aiming a little more mainstream “Where I’m Going” shows shades of New Order’s latter work with a feel good chorus thrown in for good measure. This has a more sugary feel to it than previous material but thats not a bad thing in the slightest as it shows a real sense of fun within their work ethic. The final third of the track displays a more progressive side and has us wondering what the rest of the forthcoming album will sound like.

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4. Can We Go Wrong by Hesta Prynn

Side stepping from her all girl New York rap troop Hesta Prynn has spread her wings and put forth this solo endeavour. The interesting thing about “Can We Go Wrong” is that like every good palette it has a little bit of everything. Fuzzy distorted bass lines and funky drumming is the core to its rhythm but over that we find almost chip tune like synth leads and a guitar riff that would make most garage bands green with envy. Hesta also drops the MC’ing for this to deliver a solid pop vocal performance. This is a brand new look for her and she seems to pull it off flawlessly.

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5. Oildale (Leave Me Alone) by Korn

Digging themselves out from a pit of depression and the black hole of musical obscurity Johnathon Davis and his nu-metal pioneers really deliver with “Oildale”. It sounds like classic Korn but because that quality has been missing for sometime it also feels brand new again. Heavy percussion and rattling bass lines form a really solid background for Davis to balance delicate vocals with full on aggression an equilbrium that this group have truly mastered. If the rest of the forthcoming album Remember Me can match the quality of this then the once disgarded figures of rock could be back in buisness.

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Mal Foster

Soapbox: Bee Day 1977

Filed under: Articles — Tags: , , — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:31 am

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Bee Day 1977

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beesAt the beginning of autumn in 1977, I had not yet started kindergarten and my Nana (who I lived with) dressed me in a yellow Star Wars tee-shirt and sent me off for the day to my cousins’ grandmother’s place, on a nearby farm. I hated the tee-shirt because I thought it was boyish. I was also mistrustful because I’d heard that bees were attracted to the color yellow. Did you think that when you were little? Maybe it’s just because everyone I knew was a dumb bumpkin.

So, my cousins (Clint and Winfield) and I were playing in the cab of an abandoned farm truck in a field, when suddenly they yelled, “Bees!” and jumped from the cab, closing the doors behind them and leaving me alone. Before I could get the rusty old door open, I had been stung by three bees that had apparently been nesting inside the truck. I had never been stung by a bee before and I took it REALLY hard. I was pretty convinced I was going to die. My cousins’ grandmother took me in and picked out the stingers and smeared toothpaste on me, but she had one of the farm workers drive me home to the farm we lived on because I was still very shaken up.

At home, when I asked my Nana if I could change my shirt because it was yellow and that’s why I got stung by bees, she wouldn’t allow me to because she was the one who did all the laundry and I think deep down inside she hated me. So, I was allowed to watch cartoons while I continued post-hysterical-crying-shuddering on the sofa for a few hours.

When it got to be later in the afternoon, my Nana told me she’d seen the mail truck go up the road and that she wanted me to go outside and get the mail. Our mailbox was a short distance from our house, maybe fifty yards or so. I was like, “No. I’m scared to go outside.” Nana was not having it. She started shrieking at me about how I couldn’t spend the rest of my life afraid to go outside because it is very rare that a person is stung by bees, etc. (For the record, I don’t think I wanted to spend the rest of my life afraid of going outside, I just wanted to spend the rest of the afternoon afraid of it.) The only thing scarier than the memory of being stung by three bees at that point was the notion of being further cursed out and sent to my room where there was no TV, so I caved. For whatever reason, I was able to overcome the psychological hurdle of going out the door and walking up the road because I had the idea that I’d take this big red umbrella with me. Maybe I thought it would cover me, plus the red would distract from the yellow. Either way, my Nana told me I looked ridiculous going out on a sunny day with an open umbrella and I’m sure I did.

I remember walking about halfway to the mailbox and that it was really windy and hard to hold onto the umbrella and that is all I remember before blacking out. Why did that happen? Well, according to what I’ve been told, it’s because I walked straight into a swarm of angry bees. I guess when I took a long time coming back, my grandmother looked out the window and saw me lying in the road. She came out to get me and I was covered with a carpet of bees, passed out. She carried me inside and called my mother who rushed home from work. (I’m not sure, but if this ever happens to any kid I know, I might call an ambulance, but maybe she didn’t know the number?)

By the time my mom got to us, I had woken up, so good for me. My mom walked over to our neighbors’ house (they owned the farm we lived on) to warn them about the bee-saster and on the way, she got several bees on her (which she was and still is allergic to) and when she got to their door, she was trying to swat them away. The lady of the farmhouse was saying, “Don’t kill them! Don’t kill them! Those are our honeybees!” Come to find out, the farmer family had started raising honeybees and the very windy day had blown over two hives which broke. The farmwife panicked (???) and decided the proper course of action would be to throw the hives into the brook that ran by our houses. Which caused the bees to decide that the proper course of action would be to swarm.

The upshot of the story is, I went to the hospital because I couldn’t walk properly and was puking. They counted over a hundred stings on me and said that not walking and puking seemed pretty normal for a kid that had been stung a hundred times. In the end, I threw the Star Wars shirt away and didn’t go outside for over a week or something, until I was coaxed out under cover of darkness, to go bowling.

That’s my bee day of 1977. Thank you for letting me tell you.

Caissie St. Onge

July 21, 2010

Hands Up Who Wants To Be In Hands Down?

Filed under: Contests,Hands Down — Tags: — Aaron @ 10:25 am

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Hello and welcome to the first ever Hands Down comic competition!

Have you ever wanted to feature in a comic? Well, Hands Down features some of the lovely people who frequent the FRED forum and now it can feature you too! All you have to do is fill in the blanks from Hands Down #8 below. The writer of the best dialogue will win a cameo appearance in Hands Down #15 later this year.

So get writing! You can enter the text simply with applications like MSPaint, Photoshop and hundreds others. Then send it to us via handsdowncomic@gmail.com. All entries must be in before September 1st and the winner will be announced soon after. Don’t forget you can enter as many times as you like so don’t restrain yourself to just one idea.

Go on! Put me out of a job and get your comedy hat on and maybe you’ll get to be a web comic character!

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VISIT THE HANDS DOWN ARCHIVES

Follow Hands Down on Twitter

Art by John Merker. Copyright 2010.

Soapbox: Lackluster

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Lackluster

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One advertising slogan that never really applied to me was “If you only see one movie this month…”. I spend a lot of time in the cinema, and it’d be a very rare turn of events that would lead me to not go to see a movie at least once a week. Going to the cinema with such regularity means that I get to see everything that I want to see and I get to see some films that I don’t necessarily want to see, but am willing to take a chance on. And now, here we are again almost at the end of “Blockbuster Season” and I haven’t really been awesomed by many films.

As I write this, there is some small hope left in the Season, hope that we might go from somewhat-lacklustre to absolute-blockbuster. Inception went on general release last week in most countries around the world and it impressed the hell out of me. So far, it’s been the saving grace of the summer. Toy Story 3 went on general release in Ireland and the UK on the 19th of July (yes, it went on general release on a Monday for some stupid reason) and is riding high on stellar reviews from America where the movie has been out for quite some time. The A-Team and The Karate Kid have both yet to be released here and both have gotten very mixed reviews but still carry with them some small promise of salvation, but that hope is very small. I think that when all is said and done, Inception and Toy Story 3 could be the winners this year with a special mention for How To Train Your Dragon. That movie was released in March of this year, so it was probably too early to be considered a summer blockbuster, but hands down it’s been my favourite movie of the year and probably my favourite animated movie of all time. And as such, I’m allowing it for consideration in this column.

Dependant on what part of the world you’re reading this in, your experience of the blockbuster season could well be different to mine. In Eastern Europe, The A-Team went on release weeks ago and Toy Story 3 is out but Inception is still a week away. In this age of instant information when a movie can live or die on the strength of reviews, there’s still a huge discrepancy in the release dates of certain movies. There was a time when I was really looking forward to seeing The Last Airbender, but after reading consistently awful reviews from both viewers and critics in America, I’ll be giving that movie a wide miss. The practice of staggering releases around the world also has a hugely detrimental effect when it comes to internet piracy. There are certain people who will want to see a big blockbuster movie as soon as it’s available, no matter how it’s available. If I felt a burning need to see The A-Team before the 28th of July, I could very easily have a good quality digital copy of the movie sitting on my hard drive by now and let’s face it, if I have the movie on my hard drive there’s very little chance that I’d pay to see it on a bigger screen upon it’s cinematic release in Ireland. But illegalness isn’t my style, and I enjoy going to the cinema far too much, so the closest I’ll come to piracy is a Pirates Of The Caribbean marathon over the course of a weekend at home.

Looking at the listings for this week at my local cinema, it strikes me that there’s a smaller choice of movies now than there is at almost any other time during the year. I think that part of the reason for this is that studios are afraid that “smaller” movies will be steamrolled over by the bigger blockbuster movies. But another reason for it is 3D. At present, Shrek Forever After and Toy Story 3D account for four movies even though they are obviously only two. Having to accommodate 3D versions of movies, and not even the summer blockbusters, means that the movie will take up two spaces on a schedule and that just means that someone has to lose out. And the “someone” who loses out is usually the audience.

The only movie with which I can compare the 3D version to the 2D version is How To Train Your Dragon. I got to see that movie three times in the cinema and the second viewing was in 3D, due to scheduling more than any desire to sit in the cinema wearing a set of plastic glasses over my own prescription glasses. And I have to say that I really didn’t notice any discernable difference between the two versions. Though I think the movie is pretty much perfect either way. I think and I hope that 3D will come and go as it has before, as its main purpose at the moment sees to be purely to clog up cinema schedules or delay the release of movies. Joss Whedon’s new movie, Cabin in Then Woods would have been released by now were it not for the studio’s desire to have the film released in 3D.

But 3D still holds little sway over the world of DVD/Blu Ray and home entertainment. I can’t help but wonder if four or five months from now when the blockbuster movies are released on disc how we’ll be looking back at this summer? Predators was a worthy sequel but didn’t quite live up to its initial promise. Shrek Forever After tried to breath new life into the franchise but did more sucking than blowing. Prince Of Persia tried to be Pirates Of The Caribbean on sand but didn’t have any of the charm of the pirate movies. Iron Man 2 set the standard high early in the season, but couldn’t help but suffer from comparisons to the universally loved original movie. Twilight movies are just horrible, and send the worst possible message to it’s target audience of teenage girls. How To Train Your Dragon would be the standard bearer if it had been released a little later in the year, but it did have the advantage of being able to enjoy a very lengthy run in the cinema sue to it’s release before the lacklustre blockbusters.

So here we stand, near the end of another blockbuster season with only Inception to hold aloft as the example of what a blockbuster should be. It’s an unusual position to be in, given that Inception is also the smartest film of the year so far or indeed of the last couple of years. I’ll be going to see Toy Story 3 later this week and I have high hopes for it. Maybe high hopes are dangerous, but it’s high hopes that keep us going. And more importantly… keep us going to the cinema.

Simon Fitzgerald

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