Category: Columns

  • Trailer Park: Ed Helms of THE HANGOVER

    By Christopher Stipp

    The Archives, Right Here

    So, I was able to sit down for a couple of years and pump out a book. It’s got little to do with movies.Download and read “Thank You, Goodnight” right HERE for free.

    And now, you can follow me on TWITTER under the name: Stipp

    hangover1Ed Helms brings a unique flavor to the funny served up in THE HANGOVER.

    While I did find the antics of Zach Galifianakis more endearing and weirdly comedic Ed Helms proved that he can be front and center in a film and not just relegated to the background. His turn as Stu Price, the spineless and browbeaten boyfriend of a woman more likely to tear your manhood off before ever going to a place like Las Vegas just to ensure your fun doesn’t get out of hand, is masterfully executed. His time with the Upright Citizens Brigade helped to hone the ability to bring the comedy within a group and it pays dividends in this movie. He stopped by Phoenix recently to answer some questions in a roundtable fashion, he participated in a Q&A the night before to a general audience that actually asked the question “Did Mike Tyson really hit Zach Galifianakis?” (yeah, we breed geniuses up in this desert), and I’ve made sure to break out which questions I actually asked. And, yeah, to paraphrase Ed, it was fuckin’ hot out there…

    THE HANGOVER opens today.

    QUESTION: Welcome to Arizona.

    ED HELMS: Thank you very much.

    Q: How has it been treating you?

    HELMS: I just got in last night and have been driving around all morning to all these different interviews so it’s been fun.

    Q: Well you got here on a day when it’s not too hot and crazy, so that’s good.

    HELMS: Is that right? Because it’s pretty fuckin’ hot out there.

    Q: This is mild compared to what’s coming.

    HELMS: Oh boy. Glad I don’t live here.

    Q: I have to ask about the missing tooth thing. It looks so real.

    hangover2-fHELMS: OK, so the tooth is totally real in the movie. I actually have an implant here that I got when I was about 15. It’s been there for about 20 years and when we were discussing how to make the tooth look like it was gone, we tried to black it out, we did some camera tests and then they made a prosthetic for me but it made me look like a donkey so there was no way we were doing that. Then I just thought “Hey, why don’t I just ask my dentist what’s the deal with this?” and he said, “Yeah, I think we can actually do that safely.” So we took the tooth out for three months and I had a removable tooth for those three months and now that the movie wrapped it went right back in and this is the new one and it’s permanent again.

    Q: Did they have that written before?

    HELMS: Totally. It was in the script.

    Q: So what are the odds?

    HELMS: Yeah, just super lucky and ironically when I was a teenager I had a removable tooth before I got the implant and I took it out for a high school play too where I played this redneck. So I guess that was good training or something.

    Q: How close did you get to the tiger and was it more or less ferocious than Mike Tyson?

    HELMS: I got really, really close to the tiger, closer than we are sitting right now on numerous occasions. In my head it was the most ferocious animal ever, in reality I think it really was pretty docile. Tyson was ““ there was no comparison. He was a delight. He was really cool and fun and disarming and eager to screw around and have a good time. The tiger though was crazy and the whole time you’re working with the tiger there’s this little voice in the back of your head just saying “this is so stupid ““ you should not be here.”

    Q: A bunch of guys on the set with tranquilizer guns?

    HELMS: No, they had a few trainers around and the trainers have them on a leash but the lease isn’t anchored to anything and the tiger weighs twice as much as the trainer so it’s like, is this sufficient? The trainers had this cavalier attitude where at one point ““ you know the scene where I toss the steak to him ““ we did a bunch of takes of that and a couple takes in Todd Phillips said try to hit them in the head with the steak. And I’m like, I don’t think that’s a very good idea. And he said, come on, just try it and let’s see what happens. So I asked the trainer, what happens if I hit him in the head? Because I was so close to the tiger and I knew I could hit him in the head. I asked the trainer if he thought he would flip out if I hit him in the head. He said, “I don’t know. Let’s try it.”

    (Laughs)

    And that was their attitude about everything by the way. There was no scientific process here. It was just, “Fuck it…What the hell…Let’s give it a try.” Against all better judgment I did try to hit the tiger in the head and it turns out, you can’t do that because the tiger’s reflexes are so quick he will catch the steak anywhere near his head if it’s airborne. I keep trying to hit him in the head but he would just catch it in his mouth. I don’t think any of that is in the movie. I don’t remember which take they used.

    ho30CHRISTOPHER STIPP: I think the very last one. You mentioned it last night.

    HELMS: Oh you were at the Q&A?

    CS: You said you were out of steaks.

    HELMS: And I was using the plastic steak. But there’s a few edits in that but maybe not. I don’t remember now. The very end of the shot is a composite of the tiger leaping at a trainer and me running away scared. But I think it cuts to a reverse like over the tiger of me coming in at one point. I can’t remember now. I have to look at again.

    CS: Speaking of that, tied into the way you explain Zach Galifianakis’ impersonation of the pepper on the steak, Ben Stiller this week on Howard Stern was talking about what a miserable experience Mystery Man was and he kind of talked about it on a larger sense and said, “You know what, for comedy to really work on film you have to be one of those guys who does one take, two take, you can’t over think it.” You can’t over think it. You can’t overdo it. You just have to go in there, know what’s funny, do it and be confident in that. How was it working with Todd and his philosophy on when he thinks he’s got the funny on film?

    HELMS: I’m curious ““ I’m not sure what Ben meant. Did he say just do as many takes as you want?

    CS: No, that’s what was so aggravating to him, that they lost that spontaneity and ended up with a laborious…”Alright, let’s do take 37.”

    HELMS: Who directed that movie?

    CS: I don’t know but he said he hasn’t done anything after that.

    HELMS: I’m trying to remember. I think it was a commercial director. Anyway, it wasn’t a terrible movie.

    CS: No, it was good but he just stressed how you just can’t over think it.

    HELMS: Yeah, I totally agree with that. Todd is a master. He’s such a good director. He knows what he wants but is so collaborative, he listens but also incredibly manipulative in a good way. You’ll find yourself doing things that maybe you were hesitant about and then find out that he cajoles you into it and you’re glad he did at the end of the day, because it looked great or it was a really strong comedic choice.

    I know Zach. He’s so funny because the baby thing and wearing a jock strap ““ there were a number of jokes that Zach actually pitched ironically as a joke, like wouldn’t it be funny if I did this”¦and then Todd said, “Yeah, you are actually going to do that now.” And Zach was like “Dammit, I got talked into it” and of course, they are the funniest bits of the movie. So there’s a lot of trust we all put in Todd and I think he earned it and used it wisely.

    As far as over-thinking…I like to do lots of takes because I love to play around. I’ve actually worked with Ben and we’ve done lots of takes too. As long as, and I’m going to try and read into Ben’s words but I didn’t hear it firsthand , but there is something, even when you are doing lots of takes you want to keep it fresh. You don’t want to talk about it too much because it just doesn’t help. Just throw it out there and in the time it takes to discus if something’s funny, you could have done four takes and tried it four different ways and I totally agree with that. You also get momentum when you do a lot of takes when you don’t stop and talk because talking puts the brakes on your process as you are trying to stay in the moment. It’s fun to whittle something down over a series of takes. You get a little kernel of an idea you riff on it and start going but it’s too long, you didn’t quite get it right. So you do it again and it’s a little shorter and there’s lots of moments like that in the movie.

    ho22Like when we come back to the hotel after Mr. Chow beats us up with the crowbar and we get to the door of the hotel room and Zach goes what about the tiger? And Brad is like, “Oh yeah, the tiger.” And I say “I wonder why” or something like that and then Zach goes, “That’s one of the side effects of herpes, you forget things.” Brad says “I keep forgetting about the tiger, how did the tiger get in there” and I look at Zach and go, “I don’t know, I don’t remember. ” Doesn’t pick up on it, just “Yeah, one of the side effects of herpes” and I go “You are literally too stupid to insult” and he goes, “Thank you””¦just completely straight. We must have done that about 15 times and always different with different riffs and tangents but over a series of takes, Todd would say “Take that out” or “Do this” and our own discretion would filter in and we wound up with a really quick little exchange that has a couple of great beats in it. So, that’s a little bit about the process.

    Q: Who makes you laugh?

    HELMS: Oh my gosh, so many people make me laugh. If I go way back, some of the initial reasons I decided I wanted to get into comedy was really those SNL shows in the 80’s, like when I was a very little kid I started watching Saturday Night Live and I just was so enamored with the energy of the show. I didn’t get it I don’t think at the time but I just wanted to be a part of that energy. Eddie Murphy was hands down one of the reasons I ever wanted to do comedy but his era around that time was also Joe Piscopo, Martin Short, Harry Shearer, Christopher Guest, Michael Keaton. Phil Hartman is one of my all time favorites and I still get misty sometimes because I always wanted to meet him and it breaks my heart I will never get that chance. He just meant so much to me and I was really devastated when we lost him.

    The next chapter of SNL is Mike Myers, David Spade, Chris Farley, Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Rob Schneider, and they all just made me laugh and made me want to be a part of it ““ Will Farrell and Terry O’Terry and that wave Chris Kattan”¦ So really SNL was a big thing and everyone in it ““ Ellen Cleghorne ““ just so many moments and such a fun world. Outside of SNL I was a huge Bill Cosby fan as a little kid. I had a bunch of his records and I got super into Jerry Seinfeld and still just adore. A lot of comedians make me laugh.

    Q: I’m thinking about the banjo. Are you a fan of Steve Martin?

    HELMS: Yea, Steve Martin. He’s the man. He’s an idol of mine on many fronts. He is just a guy that leads his life in a very upstanding way and has maintained an incredible career as a comedic actor and then of course he’s an insanely good banjo player. I love a lot of the songs he’s written. I learned a bunch of them. So, yea, he’s definitely on that list. I could go on forever. In the standup area, there’s this guy, Brian Regan. Do you know who he is?

    Absolutely.

    HELMS: He’s just one of my favorite comedians ever. Jim Gaffigan, Patton Oswalt, Mitch Hedberg, really make me laugh. And Zach is a great stand up. He’s just this wickedly, witty guy. I don’t know what it is. He’s just got something really special. That’s a long list.

    (Laughs)

    HELMS: And it’s really longer too. I just love comedy and comedians. Such a fun world.

    ho7Q: In 100 words or less describe Heather Graham’s kiss.

    (Laughs)

    HELMS: Hmm”¦.100 words or less. How about this? Just silky smooth.

    (Laughs)

    HELMS: Is that less than 100 words?

    Q: Did you screw up that scene enough so you could retake it over and over again?

    HELMS: Yeah. I asked Heather to rehearse that a bunch but she didn’t want to do that. No, it’s a funny thing. Everyone asks me that but the reality is in that scene I’m surprised by the kiss so I don’t actually kiss her back. So, it’s not a mutual kiss. It’s her kissing me. So to be totally candid, it wasn’t that great for me because I didn’t get to engage the kiss in anyway. But that said, just to have Heather Graham kiss you, even on the cheek, is just so uplifting. She’s so peculiar because she’s this sunshiny, bright effervescent woman but also has this Buddha like serenity and comfort with herself and just drops these little pearls of wisdom about her life experience. And it’s like, wow, I think she could be a guru. People would really follow her.

    Q: Wasn’t she in that movie?

    HELMS: Oh, she was? Yes, she’s really something.

    Q: Are you anything like Stu in real life? And if not, if you were actually in the events of The Hangover, which character would you be more like?

    HELMS: I am like Stu. I regret and it pains me to admit I am a bit more like Stu than I would like to acknowledge. Am I exactly like Stu? Of course not. I think I have a little more awareness and not in as much denial about issues in my life, particularly regarding relationships and so forth as Stu is. That said when I was doing the movie and thinking about how to respond to moments in the narrative, I really tapped into my own gut reaction to things and I think we all did actually. It is sort of why the movie stays somehow, in the face of the most craziest and most ridiculous things happening, it stays plausible to me. At least to me it does. That was a lot of Todd wanting us to be ourselves and respect us and respond honestly to each situation.

    CS: Coming through UCB which has produced just an enormous amount of talent, you can talk about the west coast Groundlings, how did that ““ you went from a lover of comedy when you were younger and then said to yourself I have to learn to do comedy and went to New York or doing UCB, getting your way on the Daily Show, then The Office, how does that transform when you were learning what’s important on live theater when working in front of a live group, The Office is perfect as is the Daily Show because you have to work with an ensemble. It obviously came across on the film because you, Bradley and Zach seemed like a very cohesive ““ the chemistry is perfect ““ how did that at least when you were learning how to deal with the group dynamic in comedy ““ did you ever go from thinking comedy was one way and then going into UCB and actually learning what the secrets are as to what makes good comedy?

    HELMS: I don’t think UCB has a monopoly on any sort of secrets as to what’s funny, or how to be funny but that said, it has very quickly established itself on par with the Second City in Chicago and the Groundlings in LA, both of which were avenues which I considered going down. When I was in college I wondered how I was going to do this. I had to get into comedy. So, I analyzed the careers of those people I mentioned before and really thought methodically about how they went about it and I boiled it down to three tracks basically. One was the Groundlings in LA and that was Will Ferrell and Phil Hartman and Molly Shannon, Sherry O’Terry, Chris Purnell, Chris Kattan, they all came out of the Groundlings.

    Then there was Second City which had the real old tradition of Saturday Night Live going all the way back to Belushi and Aykroyd and also the Toronto Second City with Martin Short and John Candy. Then the other avenue was doing standup in New York City which was Adam Sandler and Chris Rock and a handful of others, Eddie Murphy. And, Eddie Murphy was again my guy. He’s the one I wanted to be like the most. And Jimmy Fallon I think also came into the New York City comedy bracket. So, that just seemed like the best fit for me and I wanted to be in New York City. And it wasn’t for a few years, around 2000, I had been doing standup in New York for a while and started to establish some credibility and started to ratchet it up a bit and then that’s when USB started to pick up steam and offer classes and some comedian friends of mine were starting to look into it and I just loved that energy. I went to go check it out and started hanging out there doing shows.

    ho3It was really cool because in Chicago the impov and standup worlds are very competitive and separate. It’s a different world. In New York they just reinforced each other in a really cool way in a symbiotic kind of relationship between the improve world and the standup world. The UCB was hosting standup shows at their theatre and I just worked my way up and took all the classes and I joined a team there so I could perform regularly. The improve training, as great as UCB is I don’t think anyone has a monopoly on these ideas but I did happen to learn at UCB about being incredibly present in the scene or as an actor listening to the other actors in the scene because that’s what improve is all about. They hammer it into you. It’s almost like a weird ““ something bigger than the individual ““ an energy ““ a good energy ““ a good improve scene is bigger than anyone in it. Something happening that everyone is contributing to. It’s like jazz. People make that analogy a lot. Good jazz is everyone doing their own thing and putting a little spice and flavor in places and creating something that no one could have created by themselves.

    It’s a real sort of celebration of communal effort and that’s something, that’s certainly as a standup you don’t ever learn but it’s what forms great comedy. When you see it on film, guys like Ben Stiller and Seth Rogan who are so generous with what’s going on around them and with what’s going on with the other actors, it’s not about owning a moment, it’s about sharing it and I try to the extent that I can, try to bring it to my work too.

    Q: Bigger diva? Colbert or Stewart.

    (Laughs)

    HELMS: I would say that Colbert is a huge diva but a lot of it’s ironic and adorable. Stephen Colbert is ““ I am just so lucky to have been around him at that time because he and Carell are like huge ““ all I did was copy them. I showed up on the Daily Show and I was like these two guys have cracked it. They are doing it right. They are very different but Colbert and Carell have very different MO’s on that show and they are doing it right so I’m just going to try and do what they do and maybe over the course of five years maybe I found my own voice a little bit, but it started out like I just gotta do it the way they do it because they are so good.

    Colbert was so supportive. He had a lot of seniority when I joined the show but I always would go to him for advice and he was really generous with it. It’s really cool. Stephen is so smart and so quick and also a step ahead of you. But there are moments after a while that I think he began to get to know me and trust me as a friend that you get these fleeting moments of genuine interaction with him and it’s incredibly gratifying. He’s a really smart and generous guy. Really. How fuckin’ funny is his show? I email him from time to time and just say that was genius. And, it’s just pure him. Obviously he’s got a great staff, I don’t want to take anything away from them, but his brain is something that’s extremely rare.

  • Holiday Havoc: Neil Innes & Freek de Yonge

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    Some people hang the holly, others decorate the tree, and a few even terrorize the neighborhood with off-key caroling.

    Not us.

    Here at Quick Stop Entertainment, we’re celebrating the holiday season by giving a little something back to you, our readers (you know who you are).

    Every weekday leading up to the holiday break, we’ve got uber-exclusive gifts provided by a whole range of artists, actors, comedians, and studios. One a day, straight from them to you (and you can check out last year’s fun here).

    Ain’t that cool?

    Today, we’ve got a very special track sent to us by the legendary Neil Innes, of Bonzo Dog Band, Rutles, and Monty Python fame. It’s a holiday track he produced for the famous Dutch performer Freek de Jonge. It’s a timely – and timeless – tune, and we present it to you…

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    Download “Christmas Angel“:

    [display_podcast]

    Check out the rest of this year’s Holiday Havoc – and past Havoc – HERE

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  • Win QI: SERIES C on DVD!

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    We’re giving away, in conjunction with Warner Music Entertainment, three (3) copies of QI: SERIES C on DVD.

    Having been given the stamp of approval by Ricky Gervais, who stated it’s the show that he’d be really good on”“ the award winning QI is back for a further blast of brilliant banter. The QI team returns with a bunch of Britain’s best comic broadcasts with The ‘C’ Series, the complete third series of award-winning comedy panel quiz with a difference, which arrives on DVD courtesy of Warner Music Entertainment.

    The new DVD features all twelve 30-minute episodes along with a raft of exclusive DVD extras, including bonus banter, bloopers and buzzers, as once again Ringmaster Stephen Fry towers over the happy chaos as some of the world’s funniest brains including Bill Bailey, Jimmy Carr, Jo Brand, Phill Jupitus, Clive Anderson and Sean Lock answer a bonanza of ingenious and witty questions concerning all things Quite Interesting.

    In its quest to conquer the alphabet, QI carries on its wordy adventure into all things C related with host Stephen Fry trying to fiendishly outwit some of Britain’s brilliant brains. Permanently installed guest Alan Davies develops the intellectual counterpoint and as Stephen puts it, “rushes headlong like a puppy into a wall of ignorance.”

    As one of the wittiest shows on the box, Quite Interesting or ‘QI’ to its friends, showcases some of the best comedians, writers and broadcasters in the business and with the inimitable and fiendish quiz master Stephen Fry at the helm, who questions the team about all things starting with the letter ‘C’, this two disc DVD promises to be utterly compelling and entertaining viewing.

    For more on QI – plus an interview with Stephen Fry – check out our Holiday Havoc spotlight HERE.

    ***Please Note that this is a REGION 2 DVD set, and requires either a Region 2 or All-Region DVD player***

    Contest ends at 11:59pm EST on Tuesday, September 16th.

    Enter the contest!
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    Official Rules

    No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

    No Purchase necessary to win.

    Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

    One entry per day, per person.

    All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Tuesday, September 16th.

    The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

  • Trailer Park: Why Is Batman Aligned With Chicago?

    By Christopher Stipp

    Archives? Right Here…

    I’m awesome. I wrote a book. It’s got little to do with movies. Download and read “Thank You, Goodnight” right HERE for free.

    I was on vacation for a while. I’m not really back into the spew mode so I’m keeping this week’s introduction brief…

    I begin with an honest query to which I hope isn’t so completely obvious: Why did Christopher Nolan choose Chicago as the metropolis of choice for the man of bats?

    When I started reading comic books around May of 1986 (Still have it, too) I only read G.I. Joe. That was it and there wasn’t anything else in my life for years until I branched out into the Marvel arena. It wasn’t that I had made a conscious choice for Marvel over DC but I just gravitated to X-Men, Wolverine and a handful of other books. I was enthralled, and still am, by more mature stories that now include many DC titles. DMZ and some of the other smart Superman books make me wonder why I hadn’t dipped my toe in this company’s efforts sooner but there has always been a nagging question since seeing BATMAN BEGINS that has made me turn to someone out there who might be able to answer what should be an easy question.

    I can’t argue that he chose one of the greatest cities which has ever burnt down but I’m at a loss for someone to explain Nolan’s choice as to why the Windy City was the town he saw best represented Batman’s Gotham.

    When you see how Tim Burton sculpted the decaying Gotham in BATMAN you can understand why he went to the lengths he did to make it genuinely seem like this was a place that needed a guy like Bruce Wayne. When he easily could have chosen Toronto, or some other territory in the greater 51 states, Nolan went the way of Chicago for his tale. Was it something about it’s Midwestern-ness that appealed to him? Was it the lure of a good Italian Beef with sweet peppers and a cheese fry? I have so many questions about his location choice but if someone out in the peanut gallery has something to offer about this I would love to read your thoughts below.

    Now, it’s nice day when you get a Ray Schillaci original in an e-mail.

    His latest effort, another entry into the Worth Reviving series, comes in the form of BAD DAY AT BLACK ROCK. I haven’t ever seen this movie, I have never even heard of this movie and I sure as hell have never been in the position to ever glimpse the film. However, after reading his essay I am just as eager to see this as I am a lot of other movies I know I should.

    Lastly, who’s going to Comic-Con? It’s 2 weeks away and already there’s some things I’m looking forward to seeing. I know many people say it’s played out and it’s crowded and it’s smelly but I think, honestly, for one weekend it’s nice to be ensconced in the lingua franca of geek.

    GONZO: THE LIFE AND WORK OF DR. HUNTER S. THOMPSON (2008)

    Director: Alex Gibney
    Cast: Johnny Depp, Jimmy Carter, Pat Buchanan, George McGovern, Jimmy Buffett
    Release: July 4, 2008 (Limited)
    Synopsis: From Oscar-wining director Alex Gibney and producer Graydon Carter comes a probing look into the uncanny life of national treasure and gonzo journalism inventor Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. A fast moving, wildly entertaining documentary with an iconic soundtrack, the film addresses the major touchstones in Thompson’s life-his intense and ill fated relationship with the Hell’s Angels, his near-successful bid for the office of sheriff in Aspen in 1970, the notorious story behind the landmark Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, his deep involvement in Senator George McGovern’s 1972 presidential campaign, and much more. Narrated by Johnny Depp.

    View Trailer:
    * Large (QuickTime)

    Prognosis: Negative. Even though I graduated with an English degree I have never read Ayn Rand nor have I ever cracked the cover of 1984, Catch-22 and countless other masterpieces. Additionally, I have never seen THE GODFATHER all the way through, DR. STRANGELOVE, ANNIE HALL, MIDNIGHT COWBOY, THE THIRD MAN or countless other treasures you’re supposed to have seen in order to pontificate about why your taste is better than mine. That said, I think that gives me an edge on a lot of other people out there. I’m not really cultured; therefore, you’ll never catch me droning on about the sanctity of anything. That’s why I really dig seeing this documentary on the life of Hunter S. Thompson. I mean, I own the Criterion edition of FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS but in the years I have owned it I have never taken it out of its shrinkwrap. Blasphemy, I know, in some circles but I just haven’t gotten around to it.

    I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a cultural watershed, or if it’s any good, but I can appreciate that Johnny Depp has been tapped to narrate this tale of a journalist I have never read anything from. Whether his work is really deserving of the praise heaped on him by the cultural elitists of Rolling Stone I am not sure but I will say that your eyes are shot out of a cannon as soon as you enter this trailer’s sphere of influence.

    As you listen to Depp have story time with the rest of us, he would absolutely make an excellent father if he regaled his children with this kind of literature, the visuals of the motorcycle of which Depp speaks has a visceral sheen on it. It’s like poetry come to life and the file photos used, because video is simply non-existent, do still resonate with the words Hunter used in his book about the Hells Angels.

    Now, whether you agree with Depp’s next statement about what Hunter believed to the “the edge” and his inability to describe it unless you’ve ever gone over it is irrelevant. Hunter manufactured his persona in such a way in that many laypeople, like myself, only believed Thompson’s cultural relevance came in his ideas about loving guns and loving drugs.

    I’m shocked to see Jimmy Carter making an appearance in this thing to describe the writing of Thompson and I’m equally intrigued to see Tom Wolfe pop in to discuss what he thought was Hunter’s raw emotion laid out on the page for the whole world to see. Again, whether you know his work intimately or whether you know the persona the trailer works to craft this nebulous human being and make him something whole. The use of pictures, a little bit of video and some crafty camera tricks helps to visually bring home the chaos that swirled around this man’s literary career.

    The tales that dead men tell, Rolling Stone’s Jann Wenner recounting the life of one of their celebrated contributors, about Thompson’s love of guns is a curious side trip. I’m not real sure what it has to do with the writing, I’m positive that one does influence the other, but it’s a real hard transition that doesn’t quite work. It’s fine to be telling the tale of a man who seemed to defy normal narrative structure but that does not mean you have to have a trailer that embodies it. I mean, my ADD sensibilities appreciate it but the rest of the viewing public who may not be familiar with this guy deserve a little more context as to what one has in common with the other.

    Further, I’m at a loss to try and square his journalistic exploits on the Hells Angels and Las Vegas with his political reporting. I mean we’ve got some McGovern campaign pollster saying that when Thompson entered the political arena with his reporting that “all hell broke loose” I am left scratching my temples. You’ve got to be a little more specific than just just saying his writing caused hell to actually break loose. It’s a little sloppy storytelling and just doesn’t help me figure out whether this guy is worth spending the money to discover more. You need to show me, not just tell me.

    About this time, someone tosses in the verbal grenade that blows it wide open. Someone mentions that what made Hunter’s journalistic work so legendary was his blend of actual hardcore fact finding with pure, unadulterated fantasy.

    Ahh! But of course.

    For me, and it’s obvious that people will have different reactions, this is what I was waiting to hear. It all makes a lot more sense after hearing how Hunter’s words blended these two worlds together. It’s quite bizarre to hear how some of Thompson’s mistruths made it into the public sphere of influence, himself unabashedly honest about doing it, but I am troubled by the idea that one guy has about finding ourselves in the same place we were during the Vietnam War. Now, I don’t know what Thompson’s writing had to say about presidents and their need to send young men to die in foreign lands (the images of Nixon and Bush blending together, visually, to make the point) but this is a bit misleading. What one journalist had to say about war and their devastating impacts on life (stay tuned to see the video of Nick Berg mere moments before his decapitation in Iraq) and the fact we find ourselves in another hopeless war seems fairly meaningless and, frankly, it’s a stretch to think Hunter’s musings on war itself should have been the very thing to stop all future events like this. I’m nearly offended that the assertion and correlation between the two is made.

    I wish that what one person had to say, no matter how spot on, could have been mistaken for the Nostradamus of our time about how those who forget history are condemned to repeat it but the fact remains that no matter how good you are you will never stop man’s inhumanity to man.

    This trailer really only obfuscates the link between who the man was in his literary life, his personal life and public life. The triangulation between the three is what really should have been accentuated. As it stands, I am left confused by what I just saw before me and am left to try and piece together the hyperbole with what really should matter.

    THE ROCKER (2008)

    Director: Peter Cattaneo

    Cast: Rainn Wilson, Christina Applegate, Jason Sudeikis, Emma Stone
    Release:
    August 1, 2008

    Synopsis: The Rocker tells the story of a failed, drummer who gets a second chance at fame. Robert “Fish” Fishman is the extremely dedicated and astoundingly passionate (not to mention sweaty) drummer for the eighties hair band Vesuvius who is living the rock ‘n’ roll dream until he is unceremoniously kicked out of the group. Unfortunately for Fish, this happens right before Vesuvius becomes one of the biggest bands in the world. Fish is then forced to get a ‘real’ job and abandon his dream until an unlikely opportunity arises. Twenty years after getting booted out of the band he helped create, just when Fish has finally given up hope, all of his wildest fantasies come true.

    View Trailer:
    * Large (QuickTime)

    Prognosis: Negative. I don’t really know how to say it delicately but I’ll just scribe it thusly: What a mess.

    I was debating whether it was the paycheck or the promise of being front and center for a miserable film that appealed more to Rainn Wilson. I’m thinking it was more of the former without giving any thought to the latter. The premise, by any means, should have been amusing; it damn near feels like one of those vehicles that made Jack Black a marquee name.

    What we come up with, though, is an opening that doesn’t really amuse as it does grate and annoy. It’s a funny joke to kick things off, Jeff Garlin lobbing the softball to his onscreen son to which the punchline feels like a comedic fist to the face, a la sibling fighting and squabbling, but what we continue to see in this trailer really doesn’t live up to anything worth noting.

    I guess we have to take it at face value that Rainn was once the drummer of a successful 80’s band but not even a joke-y flashback where Rainn does a fast running in place gag as his original band members squeal away from him for reasons unknown, Rainn even tosses in a drumstick through the top of the car with little in the way of funny.

    Oh, and then we get a painful, extended sequence, dubbed for some odd reason behind a George Thorogood musical bed, where Rainn agrees to be the drummer for his nephew’s high school band and then the best joke we’re given is that Rainn doesn’t believe he should hit the stage before 11 p.m. Not only are we led to believe that this guy really is that stupid but it’s not a very smart quip on the very common and mistaken trope of the late headlining musician.

    “That’s the sound of the money truck backing up, Hoss”

    I’m genuinely at a loss to understand what to make of the 2nd half of this trailer which I’m supposed to believe involves this band rocking so hard that they are now wanted for live gigs. How this all equates to Rainn being an inept asshole who doesn’t understand modern computer technology and whose idea of trashing a hotel room involves throwing a television out of the window only to take a power strip in the nuts. And, with regard to the latter, can anyone forgive Rainn for that strained, America’s Funniest Home Videos look on his face as he tries to effect that pain of having your scrotum knocked unconscious? I only have to believe someone let him know exactly how much his paycheck was in order for him to really give the moment a little extra sense of cheese.

    I will even go so far as to say that the last 15 seconds of this trailer is reason enough to keep your money safely away from any box office looking to take it from you. This is definitely one that I wouldn’t even put in your Netflix queue unless you could dollar cost average your rental to this turkey to a quarter.

    ###

    Worth Reviving: Bad Day at Black Rock

    Lest there be any confusion about this column let me reiterate that this is for the encouragement of film lovers to indulge themselves in celluloid ecstasy by turning their home into a mini revival theater. Bringing back what was lost or introducing an overlooked substantial piece of work that can entertain and/or be thought provoking. I will also an occasion make an emphasis on classics, as did the original revival theaters themselves due to the fact that we may have heard of them but maybe we never took the time for a viewing. Once that happens, the outcome is usually exhilarating. I discovered this when I happened to catch Buster Keaton’s “7 Chances”. I was surprised to find myself engaged and laughing out loud (with the rest of the audience) by a silent film.

    While contemplating on my second choice as a revival piece to either introduce or see again, a multitude of weird, wild and the most obvious midnight fare danced through my head. As eclectic as some of that midnight fare can be I could not bring myself to go the obvious route when there are so many lost film gems from the past that do not get the recognition today that they deserve. In fact, if they do, it’s because someone cherished it enough and decided to do a remake. Case in point; “3:10 to Yuma”, one of the few remakes that not only paid homage to the original but improved upon it as well. Purists would probably call me blasphemous for that last statement.

    Well, I might as well take the blasphemer road to hell when I suggest that a much-ignored film that is begging to be remade with the right cast, director and writer is, “Bad Day at Black Rock”. Friends, this is a treat for manly men, showcasing the talents of Spencer Tracy, Robert Ryan, Lee Marvin, Ernest Borgnine, Walter Brennan and a young Anne Francis just for eye candy sake. Now, for those of you barely remembering any title or star before the 70’s this has minor classic written all over it. The actors just mentioned were either the crème of the crop back then or up-and-coming to be Hollywood’s Stallone and Schwarzenegger but with a great deal more talent and charisma (you don’t get much smoother and tougher than Lee Marvin). Add to the fact that John Sturges (The Great Escape, The Magnificent Seven, The Eagle has Landed) was at the helm of this quirky thriller that some considered a tough-as-nails modern-day western with a premise so absurd in its day that it actually worked!

    It’s 1945 and America is not only involved with WWII, they are also immersed in a morality war with itself with the creation of Japanese American internment camps. This is the subtle backdrop to a tawdry mini-classic of a thriller as a lone, aged, one-armed stranger steps off a train and into a tiny desolate town in the middle of nowhere, Black Rock, Arizona. John J. MacReedy is on a mission; locate a Japanese American named Kumoko and deliver a special message. But the residents of Black Rock don’t take kindly to strangers and obviously less kindly to Japanese Americans and their sympathizers.

    For those familiar with “High Noon” there is the same sense of limited time that the main character may have due to the fact that everything appears stacked against him, including his disability. There are those in the town who you can’t stand due to their complacency and others who are so despicable you want to see them hurt in only the worst way. There are only a few standouts that struggle with the morale implications and they are frustrated along with MacReedy to do what’s right. As expanse as the scope of the film is, a disturbing sense of claustrophobia begins to develop as MacReedy runs into roadblock after roadblock leading him down an ugly alley with nowhere to go.

    Once again, as with my other reviews, I do not want to hamper your viewing pleasure by riddling this with spoilers. What I will reveal is that MacReedy is told by several members of Black Rock that Kumoko was sent to an internment camp. Most of the townsfolk also relay that everybody would be better off if Macreedy just left as well. MacReedy is not easily dismissed since he is a survivor of the war himself. He questions the town and challenges the bullies when his back is against the wall. The handling of this is genius. Spencer Tracy underplays the part of Macreedy so well that you have no idea how or if he can ever get himself out of this situation. This story is a potboiler that builds to a wonderful crescendo.

    There are three levels of danger in town that Robert Ryan, Lee Marvin and Ernest Borgnine portray, one more lethal than the other. And, each actor wears a badge of assholiness that one must see to be believed. Even Ann Francis, who I originally dismissed as just eye candy turns in the kind of performance you just want to spit on. This is not a happy story, but it tackles timeless issues with a verve that very few movies even attempt. This movie rocks from the rousing score by Andre Previn to the expansive cinematography by 2 time Oscar winner William C. Mellor. This is one of those films where everything just seems to fit perfectly and one may wonder why it’s not up there with the other pantheon of classics like “Maltese Falcon” or “Cape Fear”.

    As I had mentioned before, after the first viewing, many will question why this has not been remade yet. They could keep the same time period or fast forward it and use the Patriot Act as the morality key. The writer and director would have to be carefully picked since they would have to have an appreciation of the original and the foresight to engage today’s audience. James Mangold did a bang up job with “3:10 to Yuma” and he would make a great candidate. The Coen brothers could probably take this story into an interesting and memorable spin as well. The cast is key in this one and an elder statesman like Gene Hackman or Jack Nicholson as MacReedy could really turn this into a major new classic. Throw in some heavy-hitters for badass like Russell Crowe, Javier Bardem and Thomas Hayden-Church and we could have a great time watching these guys go at it.

    Now for the bad part”¦not only is this hard to find, but the movie was originally shot in Cinemascope and never released that way. Now the good news; at one time this was even hard to find on VHS, but recently Warner Brothers had the hindsight to release it on DVD enhanced for 16 x 9 screens. Still, that does not mean you will be able to find it at your local Blockbuster. Although, Hollywood Video may have it since they have beefed up their classic division. For those interested in adding it to your collection, the only drawback is the packaging, and if you’re like me, you’ll be disappointed. Warner Brothers for either nostalgic reasons (which I doubt) or pure laziness went with a 1950’s cover that does nothing for today’s audience. They could have easily given it the call-to-action it so deserves that they did with “The Adventures of Robin Hood” or “Casablanca”. I urge all of you not to wait any longer and rent this abandoned puppy as quick as possible. Happy viewing.

  • Party Favors: The Summer Of Danny McBride

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    partyfavors2008-07-03.jpgATLANTIC BEACH – Welcome to the summer of Danny McBride!

    He’s already tearing up the indie cinema in The Foot Fist Way. Come the heated month of August McBride will be a hype monster that rivals the size of the Hulk with superstar making roles in Seth Rogen’s The Pineapple Express and Ben Stiller’s Tropic Thunder. Plus he’s already doing the early promotions for next summer’s Will Ferrell epic Land of the Lost.

    The clock on Danny’s 2008 conquest kicked off in the spring with his part as Owen Wilson’s homeless buddy in Drillbit Taylor. In case you don’t want to watch the whole movie when it comes out on DVD this July 1, here’s Danny’s highlights:

    Come August, people will ask: Where did this Danny McBride come from? There will be numerous answers, but my favorite: me.

    I produced a movie at North Carolina School of the Arts’ School of Filmmaking that starred Danny. As far as I’m concerned, it was his first big break in the world of showbiz. “In the Sauce” was classic tale of a young man who needs fatherly advice to score with the ladies. The secret can be found in the family’s spaghetti sauce recipe. Showing his diversity, Danny played the father. The director described the character as “a stereotypical Italian father.” Danny played it to the hilt. I believed Danny’s late wife was played by a photo of Dom DeLuise in drag from Haunted Honeymoon. Danny gave that heartbroken look at Dom’s mug. Dom and I had worked together on Candid Camera. Now Danny will be this summer’s Dom to Seth Rogen’s Burt.

    It seemed like hours that Danny remained it that character. He stirred a giant pot of spaghetti sauce under the hot lamps. He was so humble back then. At no point did he brag that he’d be making a $100 million plus big screen version of Land of the Lost. Shivers go down my spine while remembering him rubbing the thick red sauce on his checks for the martini. Everybody cracked up on the set once “cut” was called. During the screening, it was easy to testify that Danny was bound for greater roles than a guy in a hat covered in sauce.

    I haven’t been able to locate a copy of “In the Sauce.” Rumor has it that a few years back the Dean “requisitioned” all the student project videotapes to record the Charles In Charge marathon on PAX. By September, perhaps a bootleg of it will appear on Youtube. Although for now you must settle for the red band trailer of The Foot Fist Way.

    It is strange that Danny has taken off as an actor since he wrote and directed the film that was a sensation at the film school’s LA screenings. It was about a pack of teenage superheroes. Before the lights had come up, agents were passing cards to Danny. He spent the next few days bouncing around at all the major agencies getting the Entourage pitch. My major memory of his glorious hour was when we discovered the 16mm print received a thick green scratch down the middle of all the frames. The film school dean blamed me for an agency flunky’s projection screw up. Thus my last memories of Danny involve restraining myself from slapping the dork that brought you Meet the Deedles.

    As I watched Danny on the MTV movie awards talking crap with Will Ferrell, I understood what Roger Corman feels when he sees Jack sitting courtside at Laker games. A strange sense of pride that you boosted that man to the stars; along with the sad knowledge that he’s priced himself out of your cinematic budgets. There will be no Danny McBride’s Killer Sloth.

    BEFORE SHE SWUNG

    The hottest new TV series this summer also has a Corey connection. Long before Kate Norby was razorblading lines on CBS’s Swingtown, she got cut out of another film I produced.

    Norby currently plays Gail Saxton, the coke fueled semi-divorcee neighbor. She’s the one with the daughter that ran away. But she doesn’t care what the kid’s doing as she lines up her next line. She was also in the first season of Mad Men. Here’s a clip of her trying to bring a little girl-girl action to the world of Leave It to Beaver:

    Norby was at the North Carolina School of the Arts at the same time as me. I remember “discovering” her on the set of a project shooting in 16mm. The camera remained on her face while the crew was tweaking a light. Her face filled the video monitor. I was mesmerized by her relaxed look. The key to a good actor is how they appeal to the eye when they aren’t playing with the ball. She had that talent. At that moment, I wanted to be her manager. But that was not to be.

    We did the next best thing and cast her in an independent feature that I was producing in Wilmington, NC. Her role was extremely small. She was the ex-girlfriend of a guy sent down to the coast to work on his grandfather’s fishing boat. The old man was supposed to set him straight. Her role consisted of being on a videotape watched by the boy. Her video footage was shot at a fake picnic on the top of Pilot Mountain. Fans of The Andy Griffith Show might recognize that name as Mount Pilot. Kate teased the camera like a true professional. She looked sweet high above sea level.

    Things however went weird during the 35mm production when the director decided we needed to juice up the scene. He had our hero masturbating on the sofa while watching Norby on the TV.

    Production was halted due to circumstances that my lawyer has advised me not to expose since the statue of limitations is active on a couple event. We took the footage and made a short film so we’d have something to shop to festivals. Norby discovered the clip of the hero spanking to her image. She was not at the raw nature of the scene. But I promised her that the footage would not make it into the final short film. Thus when the “Outer Banks” short played several film festivals, she was not in the credits. This probably helped her career since she has yet to be referred to as the “girl in the spanking scene.”

    Although that didn’t prevent her from being known as “the girl in the shower scene” from Rob Zombie’s Devil’s Rejects. Norby rocked the merkin in that film when she wasn’t being terrorized by Sid Haig. As a demonstration of how weird the world connects: Rob Zombie’s former girlfriend (Sean Yseult) in White Zombie’s father was the head of the English Department at NC State that surrendered my first degree. You want to know the first secret of success: Get to know me.

    It is nice to see Kate Norby back on my video monitor even if she is strung out while competing for mother of the year.

    BLAND OUT

    Shame on ABC for Wipeout. What’s the point of ripping off Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (or for my Japanese readers: Takeshi’s Castle) if you’re going to bland it up? The various challenges as shown in the previews are grey vinyl in the middle of a mud pit. Gimme some f’n color! Half the fun of MXC on Spike is the outrageous costumes on the contestants and the color props that knock the crap out of them. The blah equipment looks like it was stolen from an elementary school’s gym storage room.

    Why is American TV afraid of hues? Enough of the earth tones. Liberace once said, “If you’re going to be a spectacle, wear something spectacular.” Network executives need to take note. Enough of the dark suits and mall clothes. What’s the point of colorful HDTV if everyone looks like a funeral home director? Did Six Feet Under establish the wardrobe rules for the 21st century?

    DVD Shelf

    Even with the new season of Weeds and Swingtown, I need to supplement my viewing pleasure with shiny discs. What’s new? Let’s look.

    Californication: The First Season helped establish Showtime as the location for adult sitcoms. David Duchovny returns to his Red Shoes roots by bringing nudity back to the pay channel. This time he’s a stud writer in Los Angeles that is screwing any woman that mistakes him for the guy from The X-Files. He’s still getting over his divorce from Natascha McElhone. One of his conquests turns out to be his ex-wife’s boyfriend’s daughter. For those who pondered what the daughter from The Nanny (Madeline Zima) would be like as the ultimate jailbait: Merry Christmas. This is one of my favorite shows in production.

    Futurama: Beast with a Billion Backs is the second feature length movie starring the delivery men of the future. A crack in the universe has allowed a strange creature voiced by David Cross to conquer the earth. There’s great moments when everyone thinks they’re taking escalators to heaven. Does Warren Beatty get a royalty for using his iconic assumption technique? This series deserved to be revived.

    Early Edition: The First Season has Kyle Chandler get tomorrow’s newspaper a day early. It’s his job to fix things. Fisher Stevens (currently appearing in Lost flashbacks) is his buddy on these time preventing adventures. They have to stop airplanes from crashing, basketball players from dying and dognappings. It’s kind of like a constant “City on the Edge of Forever” life for them. Of course this show wouldn’t work in the 21st century since we all read the newspaper online. Early Edition lasted four seasons which is a headline to me.

    Dynasty: The Third Season, Volume 1 takes us back to that time when hair and shoulder pad were stacked high. The rich Carrington family rule Denver in these dozen episodes. The focus seems to be on Joan Collins remarrying and a kid proving he’s really Blake’s son. It’s trashy good fun for those who want more conflict from Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous.

    Sabrina the Teenage Witch: The Fourth Season should be called Nick Bakay Talks Like a Pussy. It’s fun to watch the Shagmaster General from Night After Night with Allan Havey voice an animatronic cat. This is not the animated version. You really get Melissa Joan Hart casting spells around the house. The big moment this season is when she goes to the prom. Fernwood Tonight fans get to see Martin Mull continue as the principal that’s dating Beth Broderick. Think he’s ticked off at the money given the “Things White People Like” since he paved the way with The History of White People In America?

    Jericho: The Second Season proves that not every series that fans fight to revive will thrive in their second life like Family Guy. The fans fought so hard and when the new season started, the ratings were worse. Here are the final 7 episodes about what happens when America gets nailed with a nuclear attack. Skeet Ulrich has to maintain his community of Jericho as they discover others have plans on them. Who can you trust? They also released Jericho: The Complete Series for those who want to watch it all. It is a shame the show got axed, but it speaks about the diminishing audience for network entertainment.

    Meerkat Manor: Season Three continues to remind us that the kids from The Hills are not nearly as interesting to watch as a pack of animals in Africa. The Whiskers are certainly more entertaining that the Hogans, Simmons and Osbournes. This season opens with Flower guiding the Whiskers tribe to better hunting grounds. But they run into trouble with their rival Zappa tribe. How cool is it that they named a tribe after Frank’s family? It also demonstrates Mean Girls is real as the females fight to rule their families. This is the only family-based reality show that a family should watch.

    Meerkat Manor: The Story Begins is a prequel to the Animal Planet series. We get to follow Flower’s rise to power. She’s a regular Rose Kennedy amongst her Kalahari clan. There’s plenty of lessons we can take from her since there’s little difference between their organization and our community. Whoopi Goldberg fills in for regular narrator Sean Astin.

    The Streets of San Francisco: The Second Season, Volume 1 reminds us of the power of Michael Douglas’ hair. He’s the young cop to Karl Malden’s old school vet as they patrol the city of Rice-A-Roni. The nice part is they shot around San Francisco instead of L.A. backlots. You get a real sense of the city as they chase down hoods and hustlers. Martin Sheen pops up in “Betrayed.” Vic Morrow gets ’em ill on “The Twenty-four Karat Plague” when uranium is part of the heist. It’s become on of my favorite ’70s cop shows.

    Walker, Texas Ranger: The Fifth Season is an excuse to drink. Chuck Norris continues his style of kicking ass and letting his assistants take name. “Higher Power” has him buttkicking to protect the reincarnation of a Buddhist monk. “Patriot” has him overpowering white supremacists that hijack a minority TV station. Even spirits help Walker kick ass in “Ghost Rider.” The nice part is watching without commercial breaks that lessen the impact of Norris’ kicks. Why isn’t Chuck Norris being mentioned for Vice President?

  • TV Or Not TV: 3/17 – 3/23

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    A new week brings us new television and new recommendations. I am, however, going to start this week off with something I didn’t imagine I’d ever do in this type of a column: apologies.

    My first apology is to New Amsterdam (FOX Mondays, 9 PM). I mocked the show last week but in light of the options that we have the show is actually pretty entertaining. Hopefully my mentioning it led you to watching the show.

    My second apology is in the way of an omission. John Adams is a seven part epic mini-series running on HBO that I am sure will be played plenty of times for you to catch it even if you missed the premier of Part 1 on Sunday, 3/16. Paul Giamatti has the title role and is, in my opinion, one of the best actors out there.

    This week on television we are seeing a mixed bag of new shows and reality television. We’ve always seen both, but now we are getting over run with more of the latter over the former. If you are a fan of reality television you have something to enjoy almost every night of the week. If you aren’t, then there are slim pickings out there. Things will continue to be pretty bleak until April when we’ll start to finally see an influx of scripted shows finally flowing back in.

    The final blow to this week is that it culminates into a holiday weekend, so the usually light Friday through Sunday schedule is even lighter. I have tried to prepare a bit of the more eclectic and not so well publicized list of programming to give you some interesting alternatives.

    I’d also like to abuse my position and put out a plea to have you watch Jericho and Reaper this week. Both shows have not yet been picked up for next season, and Reaper is definitely considered a show that is “on the bubble” for cancellation. This is a completely self-serving request because I enjoy both shows and definitely want to see them return.

    MONDAY

    CBS ““ 8:00 PM ““ 10:00 PM: All of the CBS sitcoms are brand new. I’d suggest on taking in How I Met Your Mother since Britney Spears will have a guest spot in the near future.

    ABC ““ 8:00 PM ““ 10:00 PM: It is reality night overdrive tonight on ABC. First up, Dancing with the Stars. You can’t go wrong with Steve Guttenberg. Second up is The Bachelor: London Calling where they hope that a Bachelor with a British accent will class up this tired concept.

    TUESDAY

    FOX ““ 8:00 PM: The skunk headed girl (Amanda Overmyer) is STILL on American Idol. I got suspicious and, sure enough, she’s the chosen contestant this year on VotefortheWorst.com.

    ABC ““ 8:00 PM: Linus once again puts his faith in false idols with It’s the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown. This special was originally done in 1974 but for some reason I just don’t remember it, except for Marcie’s egg boiling mishaps.

    ABC ““ 10:30 PM: Miss Guided is a sitcom Executive Produced by Ashton Kutcher. I haven’t seen it but it is something new and you can watch the first episode in this sneak peak. Who doesn’t like High School based sitcoms? Uninformed opinion – The Good: Judy Greer, Chris Parnell. The Bad: Brooke Burns.

    WEDNESDAY

    CBS ““ 8:00 PM: Survivor: Micronesia is on tonight instead of tomorrow because of the NCAA Tournament First Round games. I’m only bringing this up as a public service announcement. I haven’t watched Survivor since America gave Rupert the pity prize.

    THURSDAY

    ABC ““ 8:00 PM: Miss Guided is back to back tonight. If you liked it Tuesday you are in luck because you get two more episodes and a guest appearance by Ashton Kutcher being very un-Kelso.

    ABC ““ 9:00 PM: This is the last new episode of LOST until late April folks, relish it.

    CW ““ 9:00 PM: Last week on Reaper Sock was kicked out of his mom’s house. This week he convinces Sam and Ben to move in to a condo together. Next thing you know they’ll be hanging out at the Regal Beagle while avoiding Mr. Furley. Oh yeah, Sam may find out he’s actually been dating Satan’s love child this week. What’s not to watch?

    FRIDAY

    AMC ““ 8:00 PM & 10:00 PM: Tonight is an interesting night of compare and contrast. At 8 PM you can watch the Eddie Murphy reimagining of Dr. Dolittle and at 10 PM you can watch the 1967 original starring Rex Harrison (who out there knows what a Push Me-Pull You is?). I’ll take the original over the former any day.

    CINEMAX ““ 8:00 PM: If you haven’t seen Hot Fuzz and you have Cinemax, tonight you can use it for more than just the late night movies (although the movie’s title may imply that it is of the same ilk). Action films and buddy flicks will never look the same after this.

    SATURDAY

    ABC ““ 8:00 PM: The yearly showing of Chuck Heston as Moses in The Ten Commandments. In 37 years of life I still haven’t watched it.

    A&E ““ 8:00 PM: I absolutely loved The Matrix before its concept was spoiled by the sequels. Come try to relive the magic with me and forget about the other two films.

    HIST ““ 8:00 PM: The “British Indiana Jones” explores the appearance and possible location of a certain relic in Quest for the Lost Ark. I thought it was in the Well of Souls, silly me.

    SUNDAY

    What better way to have a complete Easter Sunday experience than to watch”¦

    HIST ““ 8:00 PM: Crucifixion is two hours of knee slapping exploration of crucifixions throughout history, including the most notable, and forensic examination of crucifixion and why the crucified eventually expire. Come for the facts, stay for the laughs.

    HIST ““ 10:00 PM: If the previous two hours weren’t your fancy then you HAVE to check out Ax Men. This show, by the same people that made Ice Road Truckers, follows real life loggers in the Pacific Northwest. The show is already two episodes in, but it is a must see.

    Comedy Central ““ 8:00 PM: Futurama alert! Tonight the first Direct to DVD Futurama movie is shown in four parts. If you didn’t buy the DVD now is your chance to enjoy some new Futurama after you crash from your chocolate bunny / marshmallow peep sugar high.

    There’s what I think are this week’s highlights. Next week I will probably be blathering on about all the things LOST did and didn’t answer (or how it completely confused me).

    Will Wilkins spent more this week to fix his television then he spent on groceries.

  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/17/2008

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds…

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  • Comics in Context #217: The Next Frontier

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    cic2008-03-14.jpgFrom time to time in this column I’ve written about a new school of writing superhero comics that sets itself in opposition to the preponderance of “grim and gritty,” dank and depressing work that seems to dominate the Big Two comics companies nowadays. This new movement is really attempting to revive the positive heroic spirit of the genre from the Silver Age of the late 1950s and 1960s in terms appropriate to the arguably more sophisticated standards of comics of the early 21st century. One of the members of this school, Kurt Busiek, refers to it as the “reconstructionist” movement, as opposed to the “deconstructionist” superhero comics that arose in the 1980s. I’ve called it the “neo-Silver” movement, since it seems to take its inspiration from the classic comics of the Silver Age.

    One of the flagships of the “Neo-Silver” movement is writer/artist Darwyn Cooke’s DC Comics miniseries, DC: The New Frontier, which takes the birth of the Silver Age as its subject. At the end of February Warner Brothers Home Video released Justice League: The New Frontier, a direct-to-video animated film adaptation of Cooke’s book.

    On one of the DVD’s commentary tracks, Cooke seems understandably ecstatic to witness his creation so faithfully and handsomely translated to the cinematic medium. I’m pleased that so much of the miniseries is now up on screen, but I found myself nonetheless disappointed with this new video version.

    As Cooke explains on the commentary track, the requirement of compressing his series into a seventy-minute film meant jettisoning many scenes and characters from the New Frontier comics. As a consultant on the film, Cooke apparently battled to retain certain elements of his original story: for example, if not for his efforts, it seems, Lois Lane wouldn’t have turned up in the film. Still, I think that some of the cuts struck at the heart of what The New Frontier is really all about.

    It seems to me that, whether in comics or in animated form, The New Frontier works best for an audience that already has a basic knowledge of the sweep of superhero comics history. People with little knowledge of superhero comics can still follow and appreciate either version, but they won’t fully grasp the underlying backstory. For those who don’t know, let me tell you about it.

    In brief, The New Frontier is about the fall and rise of the superhero genre between the late 1940s and the start of the 1960s. In the real world, the superhero genre began with the debut of Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster’s Superman in Action Comics #1 in 1938, as the Great Depression lingered and Europe was about to plunge into World War II. The Man of Steel was an immediate and extraordinary success, and the new genre grew with explosive speed. In 1939 came Batman, at the company now known as DC Comics, the original Captain Marvel at Fawcett, and the Sub-Mariner and the original Human Torch in Marvel Comics #1 at the company then known as Timely. Scores of other new superheroes followed in the early 1940s. At DC Comics there was Wonder Woman, the original versions of the Flash, Green Lantern, Hawkman, and the Atom, as well as Doctor Fate, the Spectre, Wildcat, Hourman, and many more. DC teamed its leading superheroes up as the Justice Society of America in its aptly titled All Star Comics.

    The comics industry boomed: in those dark times, the country needed new heroes, in fiction as well as real life, and superhero comics were read not only by the little kids they were presumably aimed at, but also by the young soldiers going off to war. Superman leapt with a mighty bound from the comic books to the comic strips, radio, animated cartoons and live action movie serials. The 1940s was indeed the “Golden Age” of superhero comics, when they achieved a mass popularity that has never been matched since.

    But after the war ended, the superheroes’ popularity began to fade quickly. Comics publishers turned to other genres, and one by one the newly created superheroes vanished from print. The Justice Society’s adventures came to an end in 1951, as All Star Comics metamorphosed into All Star Western. The only superheroes at any comics company who survived as the stars of their own comic books throughout the 1950s were DC’s Big Three: Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman.

    Meanwhile, having defeated the Axis powers in World War II, America now faced a new threat from its wartime ally, Josef Stalin’s Soviet Union, newly armed with atomic weapons. After spending years fighting enemies abroad, it was as if the United States couldn’t stop itself from looking for yet still more enemies. So in the late 1940s people in government began hunting for subversives and Communists who, they feared, were in league with the Soviets to topple or destroy American democracy. Thus began the era of Senator Joseph McCarthy, his and other Congressional “witch hunts” of Americans who might be secret Soviet sympathizers.

    While much of 1950s America was in this inquisitorial frame of mind, Dr. Fredric Wertham wrote his notorious book Seduction of the Innocent, blaming comic books for inspiring juvenile delinquency and even questioning the sexuality of Batman, Robin and Wonder Woman. There were Congressional hearings into the charges against comic books, with the result that most of EC’s line, the most innovative and artistically advanced comic books of the early 1950s, went under, and the comics industry submitted to its own form of self-censorship, the Comics Code, to prevent the government from imposing its own restrictions.

    It was Paul Levitz, who is now DC’s president and publisher, who did the first comics story that linked the real life Congressional investigations of the late 1940s and 1950s to the near-extinction of the superhero genre during that same period. In “The Defeat of the Justice Society,” a story Levitz wrote in Adventure Comics #466 (April 1979), the superheroes of the Justice Society appeared before a Congressional committee which demanded that they unmask and reveal their true identities to prove to the American public that they were not subversives. Rather than comply, the members of the Justice Society retired from their superheroic careers. So there was the explanation, in comics continuity, as to why most of DC’s Golden Age superheroes had vanished by the end of 1951.

    It might have seemed back then that superheroes were merely a passing fad. But DC editor Julius Schwartz successfully launched a new version of the Flash in Showcase #4 (1956), thereby initiating the great superhero revival of the late 1950s and 1960s, which comics aficionados know as the Silver Age.

    Arguably, however, the first Silver Age superhero was really J’onn J’onzz, the Manhunter from Mars, who debuted the year before in a backup story in Detective Comics #225 (November 1955). But J’onn was not originally portrayed as a superhero. Inadvertently transported to Earth by the experimental ray of Dr. Erdel, J’onn (who was not the “little green man” of UFO legend, but a big green humanoid) utilized his shapeshifting abilities to masquerade as an Earthman, John Jones. In his human guise, Jones worked as a detective, turning invisible in order to use his Martian super-powers covertly. Hence, the Manhunter from Mars series was originally a combination of science fiction and the mystery genre. Since the superhero genre, apart from the Big Three, was dead, it seems unlikely that J’onn was originally intended to be a superhero. Only in 1959, after Schwartz had successfully relaunched the superhero genre, did J’onn begin publicly operating as a superhero (see J’onn’s history here).

    I’m going to make yet another reference to Danny Fingeroth’s book Disguised as Clark Kent here. Danny shows how the superhero’s secret identity served as a metaphor for Jewish-American comic creators’ efforts to assimilate into American society. So Clark Kent (an alien like J’onn) conceals his Kryptonian ethnicity by posing as an ordinary American-born “mild-mannered reporter.” J’onn went much further literally altering his outward appearance in order to “pass” as a normal Earth human. While Superman would publicly display his Kryptonian powers in his costumed identity, J’onn would initially only employ his Martian powers when he turned invisible, literally out of sight of the majority, who would fear a “Martian invader” in their midst. In New Frontier Cooke showed his recognition of how J’onn J’onzz, hiding his true self so completely from the rest of society, fit into the paranoid, repressed, conformist atmosphere if the 1950s.

    In Showcase #4 police scientist Barry Allen was depicted as a fan of the 1940s Flash comics; upon gaining the power of super-speed, he named himself the new Flash after his fictional hero. Years later, Schwartz and writer Gardner Fox had the new Flash travel to a parallel world, “Earth-2,” where the original Flash, Jay Garrick, was a real person. In time they established that the superheroes of the Golden Age lived on Earth-2, while the Silver Age heroes lived on Earth-1. The new versions of the Flash, Green Lantern, Atom and Hawkman joined the Justice League, Earth-1’s counterpart of the Justice Society; Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman were among the founding members of the JLA.

    In 1986 DC revised its continuity through the series Crisis on Infinite Earths, which did away with the concept of multiple Earths and established that the Golden Age heroes lived on the same Earth as DC’s modern heroes.

    Something else to consider is that, traditionally, comics characters age very slowly or not at all. Superman was introduced in 1938, and yet he remains a young man in the comics today. The Silver Age Green Lantern, Hal Jordan, first appeared in Showcase #22, cover-dated October 1959, and yet he is not depicted in today’s comics as as the senior citizen he would be had he aged in real time. To make Jordan’s youth more credible, no one in contemporary comics stories makes reference to the fact that his origin as a superhero took place during the Eisenhower Administration. Similarly, in a early 1960s story Superman met President John F. Kennedy, but in current continuity, Superman would not even arrive on Earth as a baby until decades later.

    In the real world Superman first appeared in comics in 1938, Batman in 1939, and Wonder Woman in 1941, and all three were members of the Justice Society. In current DC continuity, though, they did not begin their superhero careers until roughly a half century later.

    This may all have begun to make your heads hurt, but there is still one more step to consider. In New Frontier Darywn Cooke devised his own alternate version of DC Comics continuity. In this version, DC’s Golden and Silver Age heroes all exist on the same Earth. But, with only one exception I can think of offhand, each superhero debuted in the New Frontier timeline at the same time that he or she did in the comics in the real world. Hence, Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman did start their superhero careers in 1938, 1939, and 1941, respectively, in the word of The New Frontier. Arguably, Superman and Wonder Woman’s super-powers keep them from aging normally. But when the story of The New Frontier concludes in 1961, Batman and Lois Lane must be in their forties (though they certainly still look youthful). That one exception, by the way, is Robin, who does not appear in The New Frontier comics or DVD until sometime in the 1950s. If he had debuted in the New Frontier timeline in 1940, as he did in the comics, he would be an adult by the 1950s, and Cooke obviously wanted to use the traditional image of Robin as a “boy wonder” instead.

    But the focus of The New Frontier is not on the Big Three, but on the new superheroes who arose during the Silver Age. (Indeed, Cooke’s commentary track on the DVD points out that Superman is kayoed early in the climactic battle at the film’s end so that the Silver Age heroes can take center stage.)

    Cooke’s greatest conceptual innovation in The New Frontier is explicitly to turn the Silver Age into a period piece. Instead of presenting the Silver Age heroes as existing in a permanent present day, as comics traditionally have, he instead explicitly sets them in the time period in which their stories first appeared: the 1950s. Cooke presents the Silver Age characters as products of their time. With the perspective that comes with looking back a half century in history, Cooke is able to see how these characters reflect the times of their creation more clearly than, perhaps, their own creators could at the time.

    For example, the creators of the Martian Manhunter may not have consciously been aware of how the character–a green-skinned alien disguised as a human in order to live on Earth–was a response to the racism and paranoia of 1950s American society, but Cooke sees it and consciously works with the theme.

    So the premise of The New Frontier is fairly complicated for a casual reader of comics, or a viewer of the video whose knowledge of DC superheroes may be restricted to the movie versions, to understand.

    Let’s turn now to the video. Watching the opening, I was immediately delighted by the use of a familiar old device–an animated artist’s brush, seemingly wielded by an offscreen artist, which creates the pictures onscreen. One sees something similar at the start of Max and Dave Fleischer’s Out of the Inkwell cartoons, but New Frontier‘s animated brush specifically evokes the artist’s brush that appears onscreen in various classic Disney animated films. (I describe one example, All the Cats Join In, in “Comics in Context” #136: “Before There Were Cars“). It’s a lovely homage to a grand tradition.

    In the context of The New Frontier DVD, though, the animated brush doesn’t belong to the artists creating the film, but to an offscreen character in the story, a children’s illustrator who has undergone mental possession by the film’s principal menace, a primeval intelligence called the Center (or The Centre, since the film also employs the British spelling). The offscreen illustrator sets down a warning about the Center in his book, and then, still off camera, shoots himself. This is presumably meant to be a shock effect, but I was only a wee bit startled. Not having gotten to know or even see the illustrator within these first few moments of the film, it was hard to feel anything for him.

    As for the Center, I’m afraid he leaves a gaping hole where the story’s ultimate villain should be. In the opening of the film we hear the Center’s voice drone on ominously about how he has existed for millions upon millions of years and is determined to eliminate these human newcomers to the planet. But we’ve seen this sort of thing before: for example, H. P. Lovecraft’s elder gods. There’s nothing distinctive about the Center, whether in his motivation, his powers, his personality–or, rather, lack of same–or even his visual representation. when the center finally appears towards the end of the film, he looks like a gigantic and rather drab floating rock with giant pterodactyls, of all things, roosting on top.

    In The New Frontier, it is in order to combat the Center that the new Silver Age heroes team up with the Big Three to become the Justice League. Subsequently, the film shows us a shot of the JLA battling Starro the Conqueror, which aficionados will recognize as based on the cover of the comic with the Justice League’s first published adventure, The Brave and the Bold #28 in 1960. You may think of Starro as silly: after all, he looks like a gigantic alien starfish. But that cover shot of the JLA struggling against the monstrous Starro is both memorable and iconic. (And it suddenly strikes me that the cover for Fantastic Four #1, with its heroes struggling against another huge monster, which appeared the following year, is very much like it! Why not, since the FF were allegedly created as Marvel’s response to the Justice League?) In the Silver Age Julie Schwartz and his artists had a knack for concocting just such amazing visual imagery. The Center just isn’t in the same league. The Center does not hold.

    During the opening credits for the New Frontier video, we see a newspaper headline announcing the retirement of the Golden Age superheroes and see an image of them trudging away in defeat. We then see a shot of the police pursuing Hourman. Readers of the original comics version will recall that superheroes became outlaws unless they revealed their true identities to the government and took loyalty oaths. Hourman refused either to comply or to retire, and this police chase ended in his untimely death. (This is sharply different from the canonical DC continuity, in which the original Hourman also retired at the end of the Golden Age and resumed his superhero career when the Justice Society reemerged during the Silver Age. But do people who watch the DVD without having read the comics recognize Hourman or understand that he was killed before Superman says so later in the film? )

    All of this is treated at greater length in the comics version, primarily through text pieces, like newspaper coverage of the events. Darwyn Cooke explains on the DVD that due to time limitations the filmmakers covered these events through these images in the credit sequence and through a subsequent scene which Cooke wrote in which Superman and Lois Lane discuss the Justice Society’s enforced retirement. But these brief images and references to the end of the Golden Age heroes are not the same as dramatizing it onscreen.

    The New Frontier comics series begins at the end of World War II, with DC’s team of military heroes, the Losers, on “Dinosaur Island,” the setting of one of DC’s wackiest war series, The War That Time Forgot. There is a reference to Dinosaur Island in the video, and I suppose that’s where the pterodactyls at the end came from, but I don’t mind that this opening sequence from the comics is missing from the film.

    But I think that the film needed a sequence, however brief, to establish that there had been a Golden Age of superheroes. Those who are unacquainted with comics history needed to know a little more about it, and, indeed, need to know that that’s when Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman debuted. (If you don’t know superhero comics history, you might think from the film that Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman first appeared in the 1950s, just as the Barry Allen Flash did.) Moreover, in dramatic terms, if the story begins with the fall of the superheroes and the end of the Golden Age, then we should see a glimpse of that Golden Age and its glories onscreen, in order to feel the sense of loss when it comes to an end. Perhaps the precredit sequence would have better been devoted to showing the Justice Society in action.

    Perhaps because the graphic novel devotes more space to the fall of the Golden Age, it takes on resonances that are absent from the DVD. Today, a situation in which superheroes are outlaws unless they reveal their true identities to the government not only harkens back to the McCarthy era but becomes an echo of Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ landmark series Watchmen. Superman, who is allowed to continue to operate because he submitted to the government’s demands, is in the position of Moore and Gibbons’ Dr. Manhattan, while Batman, who daringly defies the law by acting as a vigilante, mirrors Watchmen‘s Rorschach. In The New Frontier DVD it’s not clear that Batman is operating outside the law; indeed, he shows up at the end to aid the government and no one even mentions he’s a lawbreaker.

    Furthermore, in reading the New Frontier comics’ account of what Batman and Superman did when the government lowered the boom on superheroes, I was inevitably reminded of Frank Miller’s Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, another tale in which superheroes have been banned. In The New Frontier DVD Superman mentions that he had to take a “loyalty oath” to continue his superheroic career in America. The DVD does not examine or even seem to notice the moral ambiguity of Superman’s decision. Readers of The Dark Knight Returns know that Batman–and Miller-regard Superman as a sellout for working with a federal government that had driven the other superheroes into enforced retirement. In The New Frontier DVD there is only an oblique reference to the fact that Batman and Superman are on opposite sides of this issue, when Batman ominously notes that he keeps kryptonite on hand in case he needs to use it against the Kryptonian.

    Watching the DVD, I realized that The New Frontier is the direct opposite of Marvel’s Civil War. New Frontier clearly indicates that the government is wrong to attempt to control or outlaw the superheroes, who become representatives of individual freedom. The suppression of the superheroes becomes a metaphor for the blacklisting of the McCarthy era. Superman is one of the few “scabs.” In Civil War half of America’s superheroes are not only scabs, siding with the government in its insistence on officially registering superheroes and learning their true identities; they are also strikebreakers, battling their former comrades. Captain America leads the other superheroes in opposing the government’s demands. But in the concluding issue we are led to believe that the public sides with the government; majority rule overrides individual freedom, and Cap and his faction surrender, effectively acquiescing in the idea that they were wrong. (And then Cap gets shot.) With the triumphal emergence of a new generation of superheroes. At the end of the story, The New Frontier extols the superhero as symbol of individual liberty. In contrast, Civil War has an ending that would make McCarthy and the 1950s House Un-American Activities Committee happy.

    Perhaps in the DVD when Superman is encouraged to take a leadership role, it is intended as a subtle reproach to his acquiescence to the government, and he indeed rises to the occasion later in the film. As for the rest of the Big Three, I concur with Cooke in his praise (on the commentary track) of the animation of a sequence in which a particularly spooky Batman singlehandedly and believably overcomes a gang of sinister Center cultists, one by one.

    The big scene with Superman encountering Wonder Woman in 1950s Indochina, adapted from the graphic novel, is another matter. Wonder Woman has encouraged a group of oppressed Indochinese women to kill their tormentors, celebrates with them afterwards, and defiantly defends her actions to the disapproving Superman. This reminds me of the man-hating Wonder Woman of Frank Miller’s All Star Batman and Wonder Woman recently killing the traitorous Maxwell Lord in canonical continuity. These stories’ writers are presumably drawing on the fact that Wonder Woman is a member of an ancient warrior culture of Amazons. But traditionally Wonder Woman has always been an advocate of peace, even if she has to use force to stop wrongdoers. How can she object to the violence and brutality of “man’s world” when she applauds women who resort to blood vengeance? Wonder Woman is not Xena or Red Sonja. I recognize Superman and Batman in New Frontier, but not Cooke’s version of Wonder Woman.

    And I just do not comprehend why Cooke put the Flash’s longtime foe, Captain Cold, in such an uninspired costume, which makes him look like a medieval monk wearing 3-D glasses. You can’t beat Carmine Infantino’s classic costume design for Captain Cold. If Cooke has the Flash wear his sleek and stylish Infantino-designed costume, why couldn’t he let the Captain wear his? Ah well, at least the Captain got to wear his proper costume when he turned up in the Justice League unlimited animated series. And despite the fashion victimization, Cooke’s battle between the Flash and Captain Cold in Las Vegas is even better in the animated film. Iris, well, quite a rush to see the Flash moving at super-speed directly at the Captain, only to be halted at the last second when the Captain shouts “Stop!” in warning. It’s lucky for the members of Flash’s Rogues Gallery that in comics the writers and artists can manipulate time: otherwise they would be hard pressed to pull the trigger before the onrushing Flash got to them.

    As in the graphic novel, the DVD’s initial sequence with Hal Jordan, who is to become the Silver Age Green Lantern, is set on the final day of the Korean War. Though the war is over, Jordan finds himself forced to kill an attacking Korean soldier in order to save his own life. The purpose of the scene is much clearly and much more strongly conveyed in the comics, however. In Cooke’s graphic novel Jordan is adamantly opposed to killing for any reason. I find it hard to believe that a man with such an attitude would be assigned to fly a combat plane. Shouldn’t Jordan have been a conscientious objector and been assigned some duty in which he was not expected to kill the enemy? In the comics presumably Jordan’s killing of the North Korean in self-defense is to show him learning that violence can be necessary. However, in the film Jordan is not clearly established as a pacifist, so the point of the sequence is blunted. I’m still puzzled as to why Cooke wanted to make Jordan a pacifist and why he felt the need to put this future hero through such a brutal killing, as if it were an initiation into the use of violence. Other heroes in the series, like the Flash, don’t go through this sort of bloody initiation into violence.

    Another thing I like about The New Frontier comics is that Cooke presents Hal Jordan as a representative of the daring, pioneering test pilots and astronauts that Tom Wolfe wrote about in his book The Right Stuff. Again, presumably because of the necessity of condensing Cooke’s books, this comes across more explicitly in the comics. In the DVD Jordan seems to be more of a lone star, not a member of a generation of heroic pioneers in air and space.

    But it is just wonderful for a Silver Age fan like myself to see the iconic origin of Green Lantern, as the dying alien Abin Sur passes his power ring on to the man he has singled out to be his successor, Hal Jordan, animated on screen: a classic scene from the comics that retains its power today.

    The characters who make the biggest impression in The New Frontier DVD are Jordan and the Martian Manhunter. I like nearly everything that Cooke and the animation team do with J’onn J’onnz in the book and the film, portraying him as a humane alien forced to hide his true identity from a hostile world. In both versions there is an entertaining scene in which J’onn watches television to learn about his new world, shapeshifting into doubles of the personalities he sees on the tube, including Bugs Bunny and Groucho Marx, as if trying out identities. Eventually he settles on becoming a detective like those he sees on TV. It’s a perceptive acknowledgment that in the comics of the 1950s J’onn J’onzz was not so much acting as a real detective as adopting the media image of a detective from TV and the movies. Thus we can now see that the early Manhunter from Mars stories of the 1950s reflected the genre now known as film noir, which expressed the anxieties and fears of that decade. The literal darkness of the scenes involving the Martian Manhunter in both versions of New Frontier thus likewise reflects the noir visual style.

    The plight of the green-skinned Martian Manhunter is a metaphor for racism in 1950s American society. In the comics Cooke devised a subplot to reinforce that theme, depicting an African-American superhero named John Henry (after the hero of folklore) who is eventually murdered by bigots. On the DVD John Henry’s saga is briefly recapped in a television news report. It’s good that the filmmakers included this, but once again, I wish there had been the time and budget to dramatize it. This is yet another reason why anyone who sees and enjoys the New Frontier DVD should make a point of reading the original comics to find out the whole story.

    Cooke titled his series The New Frontier after the celebrated line in John F. Kennedy’s speech accepting the Democratic nomination for President in 1960. The first member of his new generation who would become President, Kennedy declared that “We stand at the edge of a New Frontier – the frontier of unfulfilled hopes and dreams. It will deal with unsolved problems of peace and war, unconquered pockets of ignorance and prejudice, unanswered questions of poverty and surplus.” “The New Frontier” was the name given to the programs that Kennedy proposed to deal with these problems, just as President Franklin D. Roosevelt had put forth “the New Deal” to combat the effects of the Great Depression.

    In his original comics series, Cooke ran Kennedy’s “New Frontier” speech alongside images of the newly formed Justice League and the myriad new superheroes who arose to populate DC’s Silver Age in the late 1950s and 1960s. It is a triumphant, inspirational coda to Cooke’s epic tale, and the film heightens its impact by putting Kennedy himself (or someone doing a masterful impression of him) delivering his “New Frontier” speech on the soundtrack while the montage of Silver Age superheroes fills the screen. Thus Cooke makes the key point of his series: that the rebirth of the superhero genre in the Silver Age reflects, and acts as a metaphor for the birth of a new idealistic, activist spirit in American politics and culture in the 1960s.

    At one point in his DVD commentary track, Cooke remarks that the events depicted in the film (obviously aside from the presence of superheroes) resemble those if the present day. I wish that he had gone into detail about this. It has been said that any movie that is set in a period of the past is really also about the period in which it was made. (Hence, Gone with the Wind, though set during the Civil War and Reconstruction, also reflects the racial and sexual attitudes of 1939.) Cooke is acknowledging that this is true about The New Frontier.

    The Golden Age of Comics was born during the Great Depression, with the world on the brink of World War II. These first superheroes seem to embody the positive, can-do American spirit that lay behind FDR’s New Deal, that enabled the nation to rise out of economic misery, to defeat the Axis threat abroad, and to become, yes, one of the world’s postwar “superpowers.”

    As Cooke shows, the New Frontier and the Silver Age also emerged from a dark, troubled time in American politics and society, involving a war (in Korea) and restrictions on civil liberties, and embodied the will and desire to bring about change.

    It was during these two periods–the late 1930s and 1940s, and the late 1950s and 1960s–that the superhero genre experienced its most explosive growth, giving rise to pantheons of characters who have now achieved classic status. In the forty years since we have not witnessed any comparable burst of creativity. For example, it has been said that the last truly iconic superhero created at Marvel was Wolverine, back in 1974! There was a great period for the genre in the mid-1980s, but in the “deconstructionist” mode of Watchmen and Dark Knight.

    Now, America is again in a dark period, mired in an endless war, plunging into recession, headed by an administration that employs torture and violates civil liberties. Yet in 2008 Presidential candidates, both Democratic and Republican, have been promising “change,” a passion to reform what has gone wrong in our society. At this point the two remaining Democratic contenders each represent an element of society–women and African-Americans–who were previously barred by prejudice from holding positions as powerful as the Presidency. And one if them, Barack Obama, has taken as his theme “the audacity of hope,” representing a new spirit of optimism and liberal activism.

    Is this another time, like the 1940s and 1960s, that could revitalize the superhero genre? Indeed, has this rebirth already happened in the movies, with the ceaseless wave of superhero movies during this first decade of a new century? But what path will the superhero genre take in the comics? Will it remained stuck in the grim and gritty, the dismal and despairing, with series like Identity Crisis and Civil War, undercutting the heroic spirit, siding with oppression, unable to advance into a new, brighter day? Or will comics creators follow Darwyn Cooke on the path he sets out in The New Frontier: into a newer frontier for the 21st century?

    LINKS IN THE GREAT CYBERCHAIN OF BEING

    If Darwyn Cooke is a practitioner of the Neo-Silver Age school of comics, then Dave Stevens created a Neo-Golden Age masterpiece in The Rocketeer, his gorgeously illustrated adventure series set in the late 1930s. Stevens passed away this week, and you should read the tribute to him by his friend Mark Evanier.

    There have also been remarkable tributes online to the late Steve Gerber, and I encourage you to read those by his former Marvel colleagues and friends Peter Gillis and Steven Grant and Heidi MacDonald’s reminiscences about the man and his work.

    Copyright 2008 Peter Sanderson

  • Comics & Comics: And Bats, Oh my!

    COMics & Comics 31208- lOGO

    Howdy Inter-Webbers. I’m Matt Cohen. And I dig Batman.

    Hellboy and Green Arrow may be my all time faves, but for some reason I have always identified the most with good ole’ bats (which is odd, because I come from a great, happy family which is very much not murdered). I think that is part of the appeal to Batman though, the fact that any man, woman or child could “Technically” do what Bruce does. He’s hasn’t got amazing powers. He hasn’t been sent from some distant planet. He’s not infallible, like his boring buddy Clark. Batman is basically a brooding teenager who decided to get pro-active (not the acne medicine) and everyone can relate to that at some point in their life. And though the baddies might change, and the cowl may shift every few years, Batman will always remain, and I, for one, will be in the passenger seat of the Batmobile until Bruce kicks me out.

    This week, Comics & Comics is extremely proud to present, a special guest piece written by my friend and yours, Mr. Jesse Letourneau, simply entitled “Batman”.

    But first, as always, lets take a quick peek through this week’s new release shelf a bit, shall we?

    Spoiler Alerts Ahead

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    DC

    Booster Gold # 7: Geoff Johns and Jeff Katz continue to present one of the funniest, sharpest and most interesting comic in mainstream books today, with the latest issue of Booster Gold. Finally, the much awaited reunion of Blue and Gold (Booster Gold and The Blue Beetle) is upon us and it certainly didn’t disappoint. This issue finds Michael and the freshly resurrected Ted Kord dealing with the time-stream issues creating by Boosters jaunt into the past to save his best friend. And though this issue, like the others in the run, can get kind of heavy handed on all the time science speak sometimes, the sheer likableness of Booster and Skeets (and now Ted) pulls the reader in. Throw in some OMACS, a new multiverse planet to explore and a cool splash page with Green Arrow and Hawkboy, and you’ve got another very good issue of what is shaping up to be a must read series.

    Salvation Run # 5 This book is bad ass. I know, not the most eloquent of reviews, but very true when talking about my current favorite book in comics, Salvation Run. The concept was simple enough, send most of the worlds super villains to an uninhabited planet and let them fend for themselves. The execution of the book however, is something to not be missed. With a cast of villains, the reader is finally “allowed” to root for their favorite baddie, without feeling those pangs of guilt for supporting killers, lunatics and talking gorillas (R.I.P Grodd). In the fifth issue of the series there is no less action nor laughs then in the previous stellar issues. With the stakes getting quickly ramped up (Jon Jonz anyone?) and the “baddies” resorting to dirtier and more vile means, Salvation Run is a unfettered view into the life of a D.C rogue, complete with all the murder, betrayal and cheesey one liners that come with it. The last page of this book promises the finale to be nothing less then epic. Awesome read.

    Notable: Green Arrow and Black Canary # 6, JLA Classified # 54

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    MARVEL

    X-Factor # 29: Jamie Madrox is pissed. And with good reason. He “abandoned” friend and teammate Layla Miller in the future, there are marauders attacking him from every angle, and his love life is in shambles. Also, he’s a father to be (With Siryn) and has absolutely no idea. This issue finds the folks at X-Factor Investigations at a turning point. The team split up, Mutant Town in shambles and no real idea as to who is orchestrating the demise of the X-Factor. Peter David continues to script an excellent book, even throwing some unexpected curve’s this week when the series went “Cosmic” for a panel or two. (That crazy Rictor) and then got all horror movie on our collective asses. This book is week in and out a rich, engrossing and increasingly filmic read, and if you haven’t jumped on board yet, now would be a great time. On a side note, the last panel of the issue is worth the price alone, but I wont spoil it here. Tis a good’un though.

    Avengers the Initiative # 10: The cover image says it all. “One Will Die!”. With a hook like that, it was hard not to be excited to read the current issue of “The Initiative” (also, I’m a sucker for SlapStick). Well, that title hint turned out to be kind of a cop-out, but luckily the issue is most definitely the best of the series so far, and quite frankly one of the better issues I’ve read of any title in a few months. The action is as ramped up as it can be for the entire book, with former team leader M.V.P now dead and seeking his revenge against the initiative under the clever handle K.I.A. This issue is pretty much a giant brawl between K.I.A and his ex teammates and what a brawl it is. Gauntlet, whom I never really took a shine to comes into his own in this issue as a hardcore hero, and I for one would love to see the ensuing fight between him and K.I.A animated one day, because it had such a great visual quality to it. The last panel is a fun surprise and anytime Steve gets to use his hammer I’m a happy camper. Excellent issue.

    Notable: Last Defenders # 1, Nova V.4 #11, Thunderbolts # 119, Punisher MAX # 55

    ———————————————-

    And now, without further ado, Jesse Letourneau presents,

    “Batman”

    Frank Miller dubbed him the Dark Knight. Kids’ WB calls him simply “The.” Since its debut in 2004, Kids’ WB’s The Batman has depicted the adventures of the Caped Crusader to mixed reviews. Last Saturday (March 8) saw the show’s end. This week we will look back at what they got right and what they got wrong. (I believe the Joker is something they got right.)

    batman logo

    Before we look at what the series has done right, let’s address some concerns.

    It’s not as good as the original. The most common complaint of the show is that it is not as good as Batman: The Animated Series which aired from 1992-1995. Guess what. It’s not.

    The work that came from Paul Dini (author of Quick Stop’s very own Monkey Talk), Bruce Timm and many others, was a masterpiece. Taking the very best of the character’s history and infusing it with their own style, those that worked on Batman: The Animated Series (BTAS) created what many (myself included) believe to be the best version of Batman ever put on film. However, just because a better version exists, does not mean that The Batman does not hold its own as a valid and entertaining edition to the Batman mythos

    It is just a kids’ show designed to sell toys. It is unfair to dismiss The Batman simply because its primary audience is children. The Batman is indeed a kid oriented show designed in part to sell plastic heroes and villains. However, there have been many shows in the past that were conceived primarily as half hour commercials. He-Man, G.I. Joe, and TMNT were all shows designed to sell toys and comics. That doesn’t mean they were a complete waste of time.

    cOMics & Comics 31208- thebatvillians

    The re-imagined villains are horrid. Many argue that the villains of The Batman are the worst part of the show. I am inclined to agree. Personally, I don’t care for the show’s interpretation of the Riddler, Poison Ivy, Clayface, Mr. Freeze, and Killer Croc. However, most of these villains took a back seat in the later seasons.

    Those who tried it during the first two and half seasons (the series weakest efforts) and then gave up on the series missed out. Those who stayed with the show witnessed the animation, stories, and characterizations improve. Despite all its faults, The Batman is worth checking out.

    In order to appreciate The Batman, we have to know what makes the character work. In my opinion there are three elements needed to have Batman at his absolute best. Bruce Wayne (Batman’s alter ego) must face tragedy, protect Gotham, and have the balancing influence of Robin to be the best Batman he can be. I propose that the animated series has all these elements, and is fine interpretation of the character and his world.

    The death of Batman’s parents is the lynchpin that made him into the hero he is today. Being an orphan is nothing unique in the four colored world of superheroes. Both Superman and Spider-Man grew up not knowing their parents. Yet Batman is not simply an alien estranged from his heritage or a teen who lost his father figure.

    Batman lacks the love and support enjoyed by other heroes (Super-Man and the Kents, Spider-Man and Aunt May). Taking nothing away from the catastrophes in the lives of these two heroes, young Bruce faced one of life’s most traumatic experiences. He was subjected to witnessing the murder of both his parents. His childhood was cut short. Light and joy were not comforts Bruce had has he grew up. It is the figurative shadows of loss that gave birth to the man who now waits in the literal shadows.

    The Batman while geared for kids still addresses the reality of Bruce’s loss of his parents.
    While certainly not the show’s focus, the death of the Wayne’s has not been retconned away or ignored. A recurring element of the series is a picture of young Bruce and his parents taken shortly before their murder. It is not uncommon to find an episode opening or closing with Bruce meditating on this photo, recalling why he persists in his fight against crime.

    Young Bruce filled the loss of his parents not only with darkness and shadows, but with purpose. Bruce’s parents loved and served the city of Gotham. They gave of their wealth, they gave of their time, and they led by example. Yet, as far as Bruce is concerned, it was the city itself that murdered his parents. Batman’s purpose is to make Gotham into the city his parents envisioned it could be.

    Bruce has found a way to serve the city. Batman fights the elements that seek to corrupt Gotham. He battles the elements that seek to destroy his city. In protecting Gotham, Bruce protects the memory of his parents. If only he could cause the city to live up to the vision of his parents, then maybe the darkness will leave the heart of little Bruce Wayne. Maybe then Batman could find peace.

    The season four episode Artifacts, perfectly demonstrates Batman’s commitment to protect Gotham. Wikipedia describes the story as filled with references to current comic continuity as well as the Frank Miller work The Dark Knight Returns. While both elements are present, Artifacts stands on its own as arguably the best episode of the series. I believe it could even hold its own along side the work of BTAS.

    COMics & Comics 31208-dk2

    The episode is set in two different times. The near future, where we see Batman defeating Mr. Freeze; and the far-future, where Batman is gone, and Mr. Freeze has found a way to not only survive but cripple the city in his icy grip. Hope is not lost. The Gotham City police send a team to uncover the legendary Bat Cave. It is there they find information and resources, left behind by Batman, to defeat Mr. Freeze. Even from the after life the Batman fights one last battle to save Gotham.

    To counter the darkness and focus the purpose, Batman needs a balance. I am not a fan of kid sidekicks; however Robin is one of the few who work well. He is not a clone of his mentor in either powers or costume. Robin’s origin is similar, but his goals are different. Robin’s purpose is to serve the greater good, and to enjoy his work while doing so.

    Robin isn’t bent on vengeance like his adult teammate. He represents for Batman not only the light to his darkness, but the lost childhood of Bruce Wayne. Robin is the one who reminds Batman that the fight for truth and justice has value in itself, and that the work can be fun. Robin is the one who keeps Batman from tipping over the edge and becoming the very thing he fights.

    The Batman’s version of Robin is a pitch perfect interpretation of the character. While old school purist will miss the bare legs and pixie boots of Robin’s original costume from the comic books, everything else that makes Dick Grayson work as a character is present. Robin brings humor, joy, and the knowledge of youth (one villain is caught, due to Robin’s contact with him via on-line gaming) to Batman and the series.

    However, I hear my fellow fanboys screaming at their computers, “A hero is only as good as his villains, and the new Joker looks like a purple and green gorilla.”

    DREADS
    1989 2008
    “Where did you get those wonderful dreads?”

    I will grant you that the visual interpretation of the Joker is not the most pleasing version ever put on film. Yet, if you can look past the physical redesign you will find that the core of the character still exists. I will go so far as to say the characterization of the Joker is nearly flawless in his appearances on The Batman.

    What makes a compelling Joker? Insanity, mayhem, and an unhealthy preoccupation on Batman are the key elements that make the Joker the best arch nemesis he can be. The Batman’s interpretation has these elements in spades.

    The series introduces the Joker as newly escaped from Arkham Asylum and still barefoot and in his straight jacket. This first meeting between the Joker and Batman involves a blimp full of Joker gas. Joker’s plans are to expose all of Gotham to his deadly invention. Of course good wins the day, and the Joker is thwarted. From that point on, the Joker’s new goal is to take down the Batman. This episode, titled The Bat in the Belfry is the shows premier episode. Right from the beginning audiences were treated to an insane Joker carrying out capers of mayhem, and developing his unhealthy preoccupation of the Batman.

    This complete interpretation of the Clown Prince of Crime is carried all the way to the end of the series. The shows final episodes deal with the story threads of Batman and his newly acquired super friends established at the end of season four. Episode Sixty-Two of Sixty-Five (The End of The Batman) gives us one last look at the rivalry between Joker and Batman. There is a new dynamic duo in Gotham, Wrath and Scorn who aid villains in their crimes. The Joker is outraged that anyone would come to Gotham and try to upstage him. Even when the new criminals learn the secret identities of Batman and Robin, the Joker is unimpressed. Posing as the police, Joker picks up the defeated Wrath and Scorn, and before they can tell a sole who lies behind Batman’s cowl, he exposes them to a diluted dose of Joker gas. He gives them just enough to cause them to go insane, and thus discredit their newfound knowledge. As the Joker drives off he makes it clear that if anyone is going to undo the Batman it will be him.

    Much like the series itself, the Joker of BTAS is seen by many (myself included) as the best Joker ever put on film. However, I applaud the creators of The Batman for not simply creating a carbon copy of a character we have seen numerous times before. Instead they had the courage to radically reinterpret the Joker, without loosing the core of what makes him a great character.

    The early seasons of The Batman have their ups and down, while season four and five stand on their own as interesting and satisfying additions to the mythos of Batman.

    I would like to thank Matty and the crew at Quick Stop Entertainment for allowing me a chance to share some of my ideas with all of you.

    ——————————————————–

    Jesse, you complete me”¦

    Check back next week for a look at the comedy scene around Los Angeles. I’m new here, figure its time I threw myself in headfirst and faceforward (ouch.) The following week, Ill take you behind the scenes of the upcoming “Wizard World Los Angeles” comic convention, to tell you all about the good, the bad, and the Bendis. (I kid, but lose those damn thought bubbles!). See ya later, genetically enhanced alligators.

    And as always,

    “Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

    Matt Cohen is currently watching Uatu. Take that, ya perve!

  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/14/2008

    thingamabobs.jpg

    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds…

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  • Trailer Park: Showing Signs of Aging

    By Christopher Stipp

    Archives? Right Here…

    I’m awesome. I wrote a book. It’s got little to do with movies. Download and read “Thank You, Goodnight” right HERE for free.

    Sooo….I guess all that hulabaloo about the INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL pictures and all the Cease and Desist and all the requests to take down the information regarding one of the biggest “spoilers” isn’t so important after all.

    I’ve seen some excellent digs at this poster. From pot shots at the greasy, mustachioed wierdness of Ray Winstone to the K-Mart PictureCenter quality pose that Karen Allen is giving to Shia LaBeouf’s inspired portrait-like quality that appears to be some cut scene from THE HEAVENLY KID. I’m frankly amazed that this is what we’ve been given from Drew Struzan, Lord of movie poster promotion. However, and this is a big however coming from me regarding the pimping of this film, Harrison Ford looks great.

    Finally.

    He doesn’t look overly Photoshopped like he did in the early incarnations of the promos but when you compare the two you wonder what went awry. Paramount clearly could have kept chugging along as normal with its rendering of the geezer but I honestly appreciate that Drew has been allowed to show Harrison’s age. It’s almost bittersweet that the guy who has been leading the charge for so many of these films, and please keep your comments to yourself if you want to be one of those contrarian bastards who want to say why INDIANA JONES films aren’t that great and that we’re all blinded by our halcyon days long gone by, has his age brutally shown in aged detail. I love it, though. It’s one of the best and most honest parts of the promotion of this film.

    Something else, though, that everyone here should learn quickly, and why Bill Hicks was right: marketing departments are essentially Satan’s little helpers. All across the Intertubes there were take downs and people not reporting on the story about that alien like skull at the very center of the film’s poster. Seems so much work to get people to fall into lockstep with the controlled reporting on INDIANA’s fruition into a full-fledged film but I can understand why some noobs would fear the gummy teeth of retribution (i.e. no more scoops or exclusives. Something you never have to worry about seeing here) and buckle.

    Me, I don’t really care that much but I have found that this movie has provided hours of entertainment to me ever since the loose lipped extra starting spilling plot points to a podunk publication. You’ve had a break in, a dirty deal in the releasing of photos from the set, the weird ass skull incident that launched so much fury and now I think it may finally be coming to an end.

    It would be great to finally move on to something new but as long as there are weeks before the film’s opening I can hopefully be assured there should be something equally as bizarre as anything above that will reaffirm my belief that there is nothing more entertaining than a marketing department trying to control the message.

    STREET KINGS (2008)

    Director: David Ayer
    Cast: Keanu Reeves, Forest Whitaker, Chris Evans, Hugh Laurie
    Release: April 11, 2008
    Synopsis: In STREET KINGS, a police thriller directed by David Ayer, Keanu Reeves plays Tom Ludlow, a veteran LAPD Vice Detective. Ludlow sets out on a quest to discover the killers of his former partner, Detective Terrance Washington (Terry Crews). Academy® Award winner Forest Whitaker plays Captain Wander, Ludlow’s supervisor, whose duties include keeping him within the confines of the law and out of the clutches of Internal Affairs Captain Biggs (Hugh Laurie). Ludlow teams up with a young Robbery Homicide Detective (Chris Evans) to track Washington’s killers through the diverse communities of Los Angeles. Their determination pays off when the two Detectives track down Washington’s murderers and confront them in an attempt to bring them to justice.

    View Trailer:
    * Large (QuickTime)

    Prognosis: Negative. I remember my youth when the exposure to life outside of my lily-white suburbs, and what was really happening inside the downtrodden ghettoes of inner cities like Los Angeles and even my own series of projects within Chicago, films like BOYZ N THE HOOD and MENACE II SOCIETY and even COLORS made an impression on me. To see what was happening to a class of people that had been largely ignored by mainstream films, save for the occasional exploitation flick, started my sociological interest in the inequities of things.

    This film is going to do none of that.

    Well, maybe it will do a little to show what’s happening still within many communities but it certainly begins with a swift introduction.

    The hip-hop beat that starts the trailer is what should grab a lot of attentions, to say nothing of the dissociated clips that blend quite nicely; you’ve got a little gangbanging, some cop funeral which is going to play well into Keanu’s “street rage” and, Lordy, we’ve got Common. Common was without question, without a doubt, without a second’s pause, the best thing next to Ryan Reynold’s performance.

    Common genuinely elevates what could easily be a tired and played out role and gives us a sneak peek of what could be a masterful role.

    We segue into an explanation from Voiceover Guy, he holds back thankfully, about what the crux of this movie is going to be about and it’s a little blend of Forest and Keanu that, again, get my attention. Where we could have something like HARSH TIMES there is a genuine departure from that movie’s obvious shortcomings in its trailer and we have something more kinetic and exciting.

    Cops working their own side of the law, shootouts, gun running, car chases, all things, which, again, could go either way it is a nice touch to see the words “From the Writer and Director of TRAINING DAY”. Nothing seems like it’s done out of need to make this movie seem more than it is but with the exception of a Keanu pun that deserved to be put on the cutting room floor up until this point it’s the kind of film that made TRAINING DAY a gem.

    True, cops hustling on the street, good guys who act like bad guys, it seems to ring fairly hollow when you list the number of movies that have come after films like TRAINING DAY or MENACE or HOOD and have horribly fucked the genre up for everyone else who have made dime store copies of these films but there just FEELS like something else going on here.

    What’s more, the scene at the end was really good insofar that when Keanu and Chris Evans (a guy who deserves a little more than he has gotten as of late) chat about what and who they’re going to kill before running into a house full of thuggery it’s really surprising to see Reeves take the bad ass lead. A real departure, a movie which seems full of it.

    PROTAGONIST (2008)

    Director: Jessica Yu
    Cast: Hans-Joachim Klein, Mark Salzman
    Release:
    Out now on Netflix
    Synopsis: Four disparate lives intertwine with surprising results in this absorbing documentary, an official selection of the 2007 Sundance Film Festival. A German terrorist, a bank robber, an “ex-gay” evangelist and a martial arts student form the unlikely quartet. In her interweaving narrative, Oscar-winning filmmaker Jessica Yu explores parallels between human life and the formal dramatic structure of the Greek tragedian Euripides.

    View Trailer:
    * Medium (QuickTime)

    Prognosis: Positive. To start, I cannot express how informative and memorable Sociology 363: Sociology of Men and Masculinity, taught by Stephen Kulis, Ph.D., was to take at Arizona State University when I was an undergrad. It was a class in what I can only describe as a roadmap for what it is to be a man in America. From bravado to machismo to homosexuality it was a class that taught me what society seems as acceptable in the realm of the male.

    I didn’t realize it at first when I saw this trailer but I was engrossed when I saw it.

    Actually, I think I was moments from turning away from this trailer until I got the thread that was connecting everything. This preview seems to be an exercise in having completely divergent stories share a commonality, without ever mentioning it, but while I don’t really understand where we’re going at the beginning this is a trailer that deserves some attention.

    “What makes a man a hero?”

    Yeah, this is where I rolled my eyes too. Believe me no matter how good the content is inside I still take umbrage with this rhetorical line of questioning. It’s a bit goofy, really. The music, as well, it sounding like Jason is going to jump out of the woods at any moment to chop someone’s head off, is an odd soundtrack.

    The puppets, though, give me pause. What’s the deal with the wooden dolls? I have no idea but it’s about that time when we get introduced to a bank robber, Joe Loya. Joe narrates his own story of how his violent dad received his comeuppance at the hands of his boy and how, after he was done with him, went out looking for a bigger score.

    We’re whisked away to Mark Pierpont, a preacher, with a rather ribald secret: he was gay. I know, no big surprise in this time of these things, no pun intended, coming out on a weekly basis, but it’s Mark’s brief reflection on himself that’s so insightful.

    Hans-Joachim Klein is a terrorist. Even though he seems to be German, we won’t hold that against him, the kraut, it is utterly fascinating to listen to how one gets their start in being a part of radicalism and, eventually, violence against people. It’s a story I know I’ll want to listen to intently.

    Then we get Mark Salzman. He likes to kick ass. He talked about being beat up in school and coming upon a man who taught martial arts. The rest, as they say, is history but he seems to be the most well rounded of the bunch.

    We get the Official Selection of Sundance logo and then are treated to all four of these dudes giving us snippets of what their inner struggles were made of before we’re launched into deeper exploration of these men.

    Joe talks about how many times he’s robbed banks and how he loved the feeling of injecting the sense of terror into people.

    Stick in quotes from the Los Angeles Times and LA Weekly. Quickly, you can gather from a very broad scope that this is a movie about men and what it means to be a man.

    These narratives are all coalescing into something uniform and, I think, this is what makes this trailer such a stand out in its field; you have divergent people but there is one thread that under everything these men say they are and that is the sense there is regret and sorrow in each of their stories.

    It would be so easy to see this as a simple exercise in documentary filmmaking but when was the last film that came out as a treatise on masculinity? It may not seem like much but it’s a topic long overdue for a serious examination.

    WANTED (2008)

    Director: Timur Bekmambetov
    Cast: James McAvoy, Angelina Jolie, Morgan Freeman, Terrance Stamp, Common
    Release:
    June 27, 2008
    Synopsis: Based upon Mark Millar’s explosive graphic novel series and helmed by stunning visualist director Timur Bekmambetov – creator of the most successful Russian film franchise in history, the Night Watch series – Wanted tells the tale of one apathetic nobody’s transformation into an unparalleled enforcer of justice. In 2008, the world will be introduced to a hero for a new generation: Wesley Gibson.

    25-year-old Wes (James McAvoy) was the most disaffected, cube-dwelling drone the planet had ever known. His boss chewed him out hourly, his girlfriend ignored him routinely and his life plodded on interminably. Everyone was certain this disengaged slacker would amount to nothing. There was little else for Wes to do but wile away the days and die in his slow, clock-punching rut. Until he met a woman named Fox (Angelina Jolie). After his estranged father is murdered, the deadly sexy Fox recruits Wes into the Fraternity, a secret society that trains Wes to avenge his dad’s death by unlocking his dormant powers. As she teaches him how to develop lightning-quick reflexes and phenomenal agility, Wes discovers this team lives by an ancient, unbreakable code: carry out the death orders given by fate itself. With wickedly brilliant tutors – including the Fraternity’s enigmatic leader, Sloan (Morgan Freeman) – Wes grows to enjoy all the strength he ever wanted. But, slowly, he begins to realize there is more to his dangerous associates than meets the eye. And as he wavers between newfound heroism and vengeance, Wes will come to learn what no one could ever teach him: he alone controls his destiny.

    View Trailer:
    * Large (QuickTime)

    Prognosis: Positive. Anything goes at this point, I suppose.

    I understand that Mark Millar is a comic genius. He writes some of the best funny books this side of Brian Michael Bendis (Fortune and Glory needs to be made into a short film if nothing else). I also understand that this genre of turning comics into films, of toying with the convention of the superhero thanks in part to HANCOCK, SUPERHERO MOVIE and the like, is really the bread and butter for many a suit in the air conditioned confines of some Hollywood studios. But, really, Angelina Jolie as a bad ass?

    Yeah, that could work.

    For all their grumbling that the anatomically challenged “artist” Rob Liefeld can’t possibly understand that men were not born with 10 packs and that Cable could never posses a bicep that is bigger than his skull, Jolie’s big boobness actually jives with the horny predisposition that many comic readers have always silently embraced while publicly eschewing the practice.

    I initially wanted to scoff at using Angelina here in this film as someone who could be the titular (every pun intended) character of a comic book that really tried to work against convention. Isn’t the irony fabulous? She is the walking reason why some dweebs would pay to see this movie and I cannot think of anyone else more appropriate of the role for Wesley. He’s meek, a little nebbish and genuinely looks like a normal sap who is sucked into this world of intrigue.

    The trailer explodes with the kind of zeal that I would have usually reserved for the INDIANA JONES trailer but since this one looks like a little bit more packed with action, as Angelina helps to quickly establish many pieces to this film’s synopsis, I buy into it. Even as she delivers one of the most painful lines written for a human being to utter, “Your father was one of the greatest assassins that ever lived”, her gun play and expression as she tries to deliver a believable kill shot is priceless. And, seriously, Morgan Freeman saying about the kid’s father and his ability to handle a gun “he could conduct a symphony orchestra with it” is equally as awful on the ears.

    Bad dialog aside it is McAvoy’s sheepishness that’s refreshing to watch. Seeing the gun clip fall out of a pistol he’s trying to handle lends a little humanity to a film that seems like it’s about to get a little more violent.

    And we get that.

    It’s an interesting premise to put out there, to those who don’t know the story, that this kid is sucked up from a life most people lead and it’s the perfect way to set things in motion. For as long as there have been superhero comics there has been the convention that here is a kid, here is something extraordinary, here kid meets extraordinary and here comes a bad ass. We all love and embrace the idea of the big black helicopters landing in out backyard and some swarthy European dressed in a finely tailored suit letting us know that we are free from our ordinary lives of bondage. This trailer sets all that in motion and coveys it all without saying too much.

    Freeman’s voiceover that McAvoy is going to release his own “caged wolf”, again, is fucking painful to hear in that sort of obnoxious way that only absurd action movie dialog can be but the visuals are really something else. We’ve got car antics, sweet one shots from the driver seat, some dude shatters some high rise pane of glass with his face on his way out of it, with McAvoy displaying some of his double gun “skillz” as he crashes though a window of his own.

    While I can’t forgive the really horrible choice of words in this thing (Mark definitely made a better product that wasn’t this cringe-y) the action on the screen is really well presented and I cannot wait to see the final product.

  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/13/2008

    thingamabobs.jpg

    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds…

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  • Toy Box: Darth Maul Holographic mini-bust

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    Gentle Giant has produced many products for many licenses, but I think it’s safe to say that their Star Wars mini-busts not only put them on the map, they’ve kept them there. They’ve released hundreds of busts in the series, and some of them rank up there as the finest Star Wars collectibles around. Others…well, not so much.

    One dead horse that GG has beaten back to life and then ridden to death again is the use of exclusives. Now, exclusives that merely mean I have to buy them from Bob’s Shop are no big deal, as long as Bob is given enough product to meet demand. But highly limited exclusives, or those restricted by limitations of space and boundary (like Blister exclusives available only in Japan, or one of the U.K. only exclusives) are enough to twist your Wookie hairs.

    For an exhibit in Brussels, Germany later this year, GG is producing 2500 Holographic Darth Maul mini-busts. Only 1500 will actually be at the exhibit though (called Star Wars: The Exhibition), and the other 1000 are available only through Gentle Giant’s own webstore. The busts run $55 each, and are a re-issue of the 2007 Darth Maul bust, this time in translucent blue with a light up feature.

    If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to drop me an email at mwc@mwctoys.com, or visit my site Michael’s Review of the Week – Captain Toy. On to the review!

    Holographic Darth Maul light up Mini-Bust

    toybox_031108_1.jpg

    Packaging – ***
    If you’re acquianted with Gentle Giant’s usual Star Wars bust boxes, then this one will be no surprise. It has the advantage of having a window so you can see the final product, but since this is one you’ll most likely be buying on line, it isn’t quite as useful. He also comes with the nifty little baseball card Certificate of Authenticity, something that most of the basic re-deco busts do not. As I mentioned earlier, he’s limited to 2500.

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    Sculpting – ****
    I loved the sculpt on this bust when it was first released, and it hasn’t gotten any different. They’ve given us Maul in one of his most iconic poses, and the detail is excellent. It won’t be the sculpt that will be an issue, but rather the ability of the viewer to fully appreciate it. Whenever you cast something in a translucent material, the clear properties make it difficult for the human eye to discern the small details and intricate work. There’s no contrast, making it tough to appreciate what’s here.

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    Paint – N/A
    There’s no paint – he’s clear blue.

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    Design – ***
    I mentioned the overall design as part of the sculpt, and it’s the same pose and style as the original bust of course. I love that look, no doubt about it. But this time they cast him in this clear plastic, and it is just plastic. It looks kind of cool at first, but it really is a big bust up, and it felt like one in my hand. The resin base adds some heft, but the overall plasticy feel just hurts the impression of what you’re getting.

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    The clear plastic also means that glued areas, like hood, show through, marring the overall appearance.

    Light Up Feature – ***
    The light up feature is powered by three of the small watch/calculator style batteries, and these are included. Pressing a button on the bottom turns it on. The light is nice and bright, and looks good in a slightly darkened room.

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    Value – **
    At 2500 pieces, this isn’t a particularly limited bust. The inaccessibility of the Brussels exhibition makes it tougher for the majority of collectors to get it, but the 1000 that were available on GG’s site helped ease that burden a bit. This version is not as nice, or as important to the collection as the regular release, and at $55, he’s going to cost you a good ten bucks more. Fifty five bucks for a big bust up, even one that lights up? Meh. If you can only afford one Maul mini-bust, stick with the original.

    Things to Watch Out For –
    Not a thing.

    Overall – ***
    I love the sculpt and the pose, but that’s because these are the same as the original release. What’s new here is the translucent blue plastic and light up feature, and both of these are decent if not exceptional. It’s a lot of money for a bust made from existing molds, from fairly cheap material, and in a fairly large edition size. I suspect most collectors will consider this another opportunity by Gentle Giant to scam them out of some more of their money.

    Where to buy –
    Here your options are a bit limited. Gentle Giant’s site sold out of the 1000, and unless you happen to be in Brussels during the exhibition, you’re probably going to have to resort to ebay. You can use MyAuctionLinks to help you find one.

    Related Links –
    Other Star Wars mini-bust reviews include:

    – the Royal Guard, Jawas, Dengar and Zuckuss were the most recent.

    – Other Star Wars mini-busts I’ve covered include Chewbacca and Darth Maul, Jedi Luke, Qui-Gon Jinn, Palpatine and Skiff Lando.

  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/12/2008

    thingamabobs.jpg

    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • Kenny Everett and the DIY Bee Gees Kit… (Thingamabob)
  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/11/2008

    thingamabobs.jpg

    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

    ————————————————

    • Buster Keaton’s “The Playhouse”… (Thingamabob)
  • TV Or Not TV: Genesis 3/9 – 3/16

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    We’ve all been there. You are sitting on your couch on any given night, remote in your hand and a look of confusion and abandonment on your face because you just don’t know what to watch. You really want something to watch and you just can’t bare to watch something from your DVD collection for the umpteenth time. In that moment of television desperation you may have wished there was someone that would help you find something worth while within the 255 channels of confusion. You may have asked for a guide to steer you clear of the pitfalls and tarpits of bad TV and take you to the all mighty promise land of boob tube perfect.

    Hello, my name is Will. I’m here to help.

    As with any first article you may ask, “Hey Will, why can I trust you?” Believe me, I’m qualified. Even with having a full time job I some how find enough time to watch full time TV, maybe even more than the hours I put in at work. I’ve had both cable and DirecTV just so I could have East Coast feeds for the major networks and stagger my DVR recording of just about everything on television from 5 PM to midnight and beyond. In the words of Indiana Jones, “Trust me.” If I lead you astray, there’s always TV Guide.

    Timing, as they say, is everything and I’m delving into these uncharted waters at the best time possible. Why you ask? Because the ripples created by the writer’s strike are still washing upon the shore of our TV viewing and just about every popular show on television is in repeats right now.

    You’re best bets this week are going to be on the first four days of this week (that’s Monday through Thursday in case I’m not very clear). There is something for just about everyone. Friday through Sunday I suggest you find some good reading materials, dust off the ol’ gym membership or take up a new hobby (I hear wood carving is very therapeutic).

    In the future I’ll give you my top picks for the week before getting into the nitty gritty. Since things are so sparse instead I’ll just give you a quick run down before I get in to the meat and couch potatoes of it all.

    This week keep your eyes out for The New Adventures of Old Christine, Gone Country, American Idol, Jericho, and LOST. I’d also be remiss if I didn’t say that if you have HBO and you aren’t watching In Treatment then you are cheating yourself out of a decent half hour of solid TV every day of the week.

    MONDAY

    CBS: The New Adventures of Old Christine is one of the two top choices I have for you for tonight. The only reason I’m hesitant to recommend this one is because you need to know a little bit of back story, but at least it is a situation comedy and it will keep you mildly amused.

    CMT: That’s right, CMT. If you haven’t caught Gone Country yet then you are in for a treat because there’s a marathon from the beginning. Two words make this show pure gold people: Bobby Brown. Even if you aren’t a fan of Reality Television you have to give this a go.

    FOX: New Amsterdam is about an immortal who is now an investigator. I liked this show better when it had another name, Angel.

    TUESDAY

    FOX: The 800 lb. gorilla stomps its feet again this week as the final 12 give it a go on American Idol. The skunk headed girl some how made it, so tune in with me to root her off.

    CBS: The final three episodes of Jericho are upon us, and they could be the final ones of the series let alone the season. If you haven’t a clue what the show is about then bust out that Netflix account and get Season 1 as fast as you can.

    WEDNESDAY

    ABC: Wife Swap and Super Nanny are back to back so you can enjoy a double header of people who make really bad decisions. If these people making bad decisions aren’t the kind you like then you could always try…

    FOX: Moment of Truth just perplexes the hell out of me. So far I haven’t seen anyone come away from this show unscathed. Face it people, it is only entertainment if your dirty laundry comes out on the air, and you should have known better before sitting down. (Oh yeah, the American Idol results show is on after this so if you are lazy you can turn this on and just coast through to 10 o’clock.)

    CMT: That lovable underdog Rudy tries to get onto the Notre Dame football team. OK, I’m a sucker for this silly flick, and I can’t tell you why. Hey, at least it isn’t Moment of Truth.

    THURSDAY

    ABC: I have good news, bad news, and more bad news. The good news: On LOST tonight you finally find out who else makes up the Oceanic 6 and you get to find out who is spying on the freighter for Ben. The bad news: Someone might die tonight. The more bad news: this is the next to last episode until late April.

    CW: Two of the only shows I watch on the CW are on tonight, Smallville and Reaper. I recommend the second over the first for the uninitiated. Besides, shouldn’t that Clark guy know how to fly by now?

    FRIDAY

    FOX: ‘Till Death is new tonight. Oddly enough I feel like I just said nothing is on.

    SCI-FI: If you don’t have Netflix but you do have the Sci-Fi channel then you can still get caught up on Jericho. Four episodes of Season 1 air from 8 PM to Midnight every week in this time slot.

    SATURDAY

    Move along… nothing to see here… all right, fine… I’ll try.

    A&E: Arnold stars as a Secret Agent who’s wife has no clue of his real job in True Lies. The most shocking part of the film for me was that I actually liked Tom Arnold’s performance as Arnold’s partner. Go figure.

    AMC: Get a new take on the Western genre with Silverado. Enjoy Danny Glover before the Lethal Weapon movies. If this one isn’t your cup of Sasparilla perhaps you might prefer…

    ENCORE: Put your boots up and rest a spell and take in Tombstone. Val Kilmer looks scary sickly in this flick as Doc Holiday.

    SUNDAY

    ABC: Extreme Make Over: Home Edition will undoubtedly tug at your heart strings. I like that Home Edition is still going strong but the show where they were hurting people to make them look better is long gone.

    MTV: Randy Jackson Presents: America’s Best Dance Crew… sorry, just kidding… I couldn’t resist.

    That’s it folks, my guide for what to watch. It’s slim pickins out there so check back in next week and I’ll try to do right by you again. Until next time keep the remote batteries fresh and the couch cushions fluffed.

    Will Wilkins missed at least three television shows to write this article. Thankfully, there is TiVo.

  • Opinion In A Haystack: The Neon Mobile

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    To begin, a short foray into my foundations of cinematic quality:

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    Love is damn beautiful. That seems to be the word on the street at least, and my purpose here is not to counter that fact. What I have a problem with is the “falling” part. I don’t fall in love easily. My heart doesn’t stand on the corner begging for affection with a sign that says, “will break for food.” This applies to all aspects of my life, most relevantly, movies. It takes awhile to get me in the sack, no matter how good the cinematic blow job may be. It takes reflection, analysis, and multiple viewings before I will even let a movie hold hands with me. I need to know where the relationship is going. I need to know that after years of being together, it won’t let me down and my feelings will not flutter away. The Big Lebowski, Robocop, Jaws, and others like them, all share very deep, loving, and highly sexual unions with my brain parts. They are films that have passed the one true test of quality that I, and Matt Damon, have full faith in. That test (Clark Griswold drum roll please) is time!

    Time. The enemy and surveyor of all things. The proven god of us all. The one thing we can’t escape or destroy. The only thing Doc Brown ever invented something for that actually worked. I invoke the mighty name of Mr. Damon because this past summer in an EW interview, he was asked what he thought of awards and awards shows. Matt responded by calling them “fucking bullshit,” an answer which, in and of itself, is great alone, but he went a genius step further and stated “The only way to judge a movie is 10 years down the line.” Check the interview out here:

    How absolutely right you are sir, and might I add how because of that statement I shall forgive any bad movies you may have done, which thankfully, isn’t a lot. While I am not as militant as Mr. Damon (I have a 5 year rule.), time is the only judge that seems to be overlooked by most of the world, including the pretentious film community. Hell, even the Academy doesn’t think ahead. Planet of the Apes (the real one with Charlton Heston, not the fake one made by the demon-possessed former-genius Tim Burton) didn’t win Best Picture in the year of its release and the film community and the fans still talk about it to this day. What did win best picture that year? Marty? I don’t know, you don’t know, and none of us care.

    My point here, if I have not pounded into your head beyond reason yet, is time has the only true say in what is good or bad. Any critiques that are made before an acceptable number of years have passed are just opinions and opinions alone. This is why when a current piece of cinema sucks the vans deferens out of me with its crafted perfection (ala There Will Be Blood or Hot Fuzz) I don’t get down on one knee and offer up a commitment along with Hallmark’s finest. I keep it in a place of honor on the back burner where it shall stay until half a decade later when love, true love, can be allowed to blossom properly with tender, repeat viewings. It can also be used as an example of how much some other current movie sucks compared to the genius of years past. That philosophy might seem ignorant, but coupled with glorious nostalgia of my youthful years gone, it’s just chock full of bliss. Bitter old men are we who cling to what was good and damn what is now, Foolish young men are they who praise without hindsight. Yes, I wrote that quote, and yes, I’m trying too hard. Feel free to put that sentence on any bathroom stall, or perhaps get it tattooed on your epidermis, but please, give me credit for the quote, and if possible, send a picture of the affected area.

    Is 2008 too late to file a complaint from 1995? I’m sure it is, but when I was “filing” it back then, verbally, to any one of my half-conscious barely listening school buddies they didn’t seem to know or care what I was obnoxiously “filing” about at the top of my lungs. Several times since the mid point of yester-decade I have brought up this very complaint only for it to dwell upon deaf ears. It’s not that I felt no one knew what I was saying. It’s that no one and I mean NO ONE, seemed nearly as mad at the obvious blasphemy, the inarguable cowshit, and the narrow minded piss poor thought that went into putting NEON FUCKING LIGHTS ON THE BATMOBILE!!!

    Sorry, that’s thirteen years of pent up anger flowing out of my fingers like a hummingbird’s neck laceration. Yes, the movie I am of course talking about is the beginning of the end, before the beginning, of the Batman franchise…Batman Forever, Joel Schumacher’s second most hated film, only trumped by the Batman movie he made after it. However, I am not going to rag on Batman and Robin, because the fact that it was without one single doubt a rotting nest of fungus was never as big a surprise to me as it was to those around me. All my friends, parents, teachers, co-workers, and neighborhood chums somehow laid a thick layer of forgiveness on Forever, so much so that it blinded them to the incessantly bright globs of guano being squeezed out on the screen. I always assumed it was their love of Jim Carrey as The Riddler that helped the retinal detachment, but that doesn’t seem sufficient enough. You see, I am not going to even complain about the shortcomings of the movie itself. Bad or good, it was…as The Dude might say, “whatever.” Personally, I will always be a bigger fan of the two Tim Burton films, and the Christopher Nolan film isn’t too shabby either. My main problem simply lies in the clear cut truth in just looking at the Forever Batmobile itself. That is where all the glaring awful signs of this old misfire lay. Why point out the corny dialogue, campy sets, the fact that Two-face acts like The Joker, or the painful addition of Chris O’Donnell as Robin, when the foremost crime hasn’t even been addressed?

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    Batman is The DARK Knight. He is that which lurks in the shadows of the city, the one criminals fear as more than just a man, but a BAT man, right? This is a character that originated out of death. This is the all-time premiere hero for those of us who champion the serious, brooding, vengeance for everything and everyone that has ever wronged this world. RIGHT? So I ask you, how did the studio, how did the modelers, how did the producers, writers, hell, even the actors let the greatest fictional car in all of comicdom, one that belongs to the Darkest of Dark Knights (DARK!) ever even make it in front of a camera for five seconds while adorned in neon lights? I don’t understand. And, of course, if it wasn’t bad enough, they let Schumacher do it twice, and then the world complained that it sucked… finally. I’m not going to sit here and put all the blame on Joel. People do make mistakes, and hopefully when said mistakes are engaged and you don’t realize it someone (perhaps, I don’t know, DC comics, or any human with a pulsing heart!) will let you in on the fact that you are fucking hell’s vagina.

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    “Hey, Joel…what’s up, man? That pastry looks delicious. Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?”

    “Sure.”

    “Yeah well, you realize that there are neon lights on the Batmobile right? Like we have all been talking about it and well, black is kinda Batman’s thing…and he has to be dark and mysterious and all of us feel neon might not be the way to go…you know…heh…its neon.”

    “Good point. We’ll take off the neon. Make the whole thing pink…”

    “Well, uh…like I said…black is rather crucial to the process.”

    “Black, huh? Good…go with it.”

    Sometimes that’s all it takes folks. Was it really that hard to say something to the man? Schumacher is not made of complete cinematic evil. I have faith that the man that was responsible for such cool flicks as The Lost Boys, Flatliners, and Falling Down could, with a proper tongue lashing, give the world a viable Batmobile. This is especially considering the fact that it was preceded by one of the top-five coolest automotive creations for film ever. Love or hate the movies, the Burton-mobile was beautifully slick, and not too far off from those that adorned the comics and animated series (two mediums I would think garner the most militant respect from comic fans.) So there, I had to let it out; thanks for reading it. I am hoping that someone, if not all people who read this will say “hey I was screaming that too” or something akin to that, because no one ever felt as passionate about it in my own life as I pathetically seemed to. At such an age, movies were worth such passion, while politics, religion, and relationships were the “stupid, boring” problems for adults to worry about. I must say lastly that this fervent outrage was never derived from comic book foundation, merely a firm love of movies and an incredibly firm hatred of such a lack of respect for an iconic American character. Trust me, I would have been just as pissed if they made a movie where Darth Vader was a sniveling little shit…oh wait…

    Now, MY TOP 5 80’s and 90’s SECONDARY MOVIE ENDINGS! A secondary movie ending is one that is usually better known as an epilogue, but for our purposes here, it’s an “ending” that takes place after the main conflict or antagonist of the piece has been resolved or killed respectively.

    5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992) Buffy’s secondary ending can be found after the credits. Here we find Paul Ruebens (better known as Pee Wee) still scuffling around in a stairwell humorously groaning and badly faking his extremely long vampire’s death due to a stake in the heart. Taking into consideration the sounds Ruebens makes here, one wonders if the joke wasn’t heinously ripped off by Family Guy in the Willy Wonka parody episode.

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    4. Short Circuit 2 (1988) In what might possibly be the most hardcore 80’s movie to ever exist, we have a secondary ending that takes place right after the fade out of the final chase scene. A chase scene, mind you, that involves a jewel thief getting apprehended by a Mohawk-wearing-sentient-robot (Johnny 5) to the tune of Bonnie Tyler’s “Holding out for a Hero” and ends with a Tarzan swing (accompanied by the famous Tarzan scream) from a crane onto a speedboat. If you’re like me that is pretty much the gateway to the heavens. Anyway, the secondary ending brings us to an induction ceremony for newly accepted American Citizens, where we see a recently refurbished, completely gold-plated, J5 receiving his citizenship to the colonies. Now the reason this is on the list is the shear brilliance of how this scene invokes the signs of the times it’s in. Only in a movie of this era could a robot, with minimal trouble, glass ceilings, and such a short period of time become an EQUAL member of the human race without so much as one person questioning the moral or ethical problems that accompany it. Then entire plot of the Robin Williams movie Bicentennial Man is a robot trying to do what J5 does in months, over the course of 200 years. This mindset is sort of akin to how in the 80’s sitcom ALF, the Tanner family never even took 5 minutes to bother asking ALF if he knew about any of the mysteries of the universe or life. Instead, they were content with trying to stop him from acting on his “get rich quick” schemes. Those were the days.

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    3. Wayne’s World (1992) Now, I know what you’re thinking. Yes, Wayne’s World, in all its genius, has three different “didilly-doo” endings to the conflict presented. However, the secondary ending is the one found at the very end of the credits in which we see Wayne and Garth uncomfortably reading magazines. Wayne waxes pretentious and philosophical about the film’s endeavors while Garth meekly states that he simply hopes that the audience doesn’t think it “sucks.” This quiet little moment, and the film that preceded it, are all the more reason to miss the careers of two incredibly talented comedians at the top of their game.

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    2. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) The entire sequence with Ed Rooney getting on the school bus is beyond the definition of classic. Is it a secondary ending? Yes. Rooney has already lost, and we get to witness his further humiliation. This is for my money, hands down, the best content shown during rolling credits in a film ever. Also, please note that this movie has a third ending after the credits completely end, one in which Ferris Bueller himself comes out in a bathrobe and in disbelief that we are still there, shushes us to go home. It’s nothing compared to the Principal Rooney scene, but you got to admire how much bang for your buck you used to get at the movies. Having such high quality content during the credits is rarely seen in today’s theaters. We are more relegated to outtakes or badly edited character interviews, not additional story elements.

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    1. Poltergeist (1982) The first ending to happen is the entire house getting sucked into the vortex of “the other side.” We all know this. Then there is the beautiful scene of a fear-riddled emotionally-drained family driving quietly away from their literally broken home. They scuffle into a hotel room to the magnificently eerie lullaby of Jerry Goldsmith’s “Carol Anne Theme.” That has got to be one of the greatest quiet moments in cinema history. Left alone, them shutting the door to the hotel room and the credits rolling would be good enough to still keep this Tobe Hooper/Steven Spielberg classic at the top of its genre for over two decades. Then, only seconds after we are allowed to breath relief, the door swings back open and out comes the cheap hotel TV sliding into the side of the walkway, Craig T. Nelson pokes his head out the door for a peak then goes back in leaving the telly outside to rot. Hilarious, fitting, and completely perfect in its timing, this little moment is the ultimate reward to any viewer who witnesses the tribulations of this family for the past two hours. I still say that Craig T. Nelson should have grabbed a best actor nomination for Poltergeist, but I guess Mr. Incredible’s movie winning “Best Animated feature” will have to sate my thirst.

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    Honorable mentions:

    Die Hard (1988) – Allen shoots the guy everyone thought was dead thus saving McClane’s life.

    Back to the Future (1985) – The Flying Delorean

    Rocky 3 (1982) – The famous Apollo/Rocky freeze frame fight.

    Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) – Dan Aykroyd asking John Lithgow in the ambulance “Wanna see something really scary?”

    One Crazy Summer (1986) – Uncle Frank blowing up the radio station, Then, subsequently, the Stork brothers showing up to roast marshmallows.

    If you think of any other great secondary endings, please let me know.

  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/10/2008

    thingamabobs.jpg

    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

    ————————————————

  • Trailer Park: Robert Wilonsky Is Ripping Me Off, Man

    By Christopher Stipp

    Archives? Right Here…

    I’m awesome. I wrote a book. It’s got little to do with movies. Download and read “Thank You, Goodnight” right HERE for free.

    Welcome back…

    I’ve been knocked on my proverbial hind quarters this week with some nasty flu like bug that didn’t allow me any coherent thoughts except thinking about the sweet release of sleep wherever I could get it.

    However, in a brief moment of clarity I did want to see what anyone in the peanut gallery has to say (simply leave your comments below) about the nature of a flop and what SEMI-PRO has to say for itself. Was $15 million, give or take, an obvious disappointment for the suits at the studio when you consider the amount of brutal advertising that went into this film’s release? Will Ferrell’s face was everywhere, to say nothing of his pronounced presence on ESPN (who hooked that product placement up?) last week, and the amount of spot advertising this thing had all over the airwaves leading up to this film’s release.

    As an aside, I realize I know dick about how much cash needed to be laid out for all these things to be in front of the people’s eyes but $15 million almost seems like a conservative figure for all that went into promotions.

    Did this dismal showing at the box office (one of Ferrell’s worst of his career) have anything to do with the level of talent that goes into your usual Will movie, namely the absence of Adam McKay?

    You see films where there are cores of talented people that move from production to production and this film saw the lack of Adam, a guy who genuinely knows what makes Will good on the screen. While Will Ferrell obviously makes other films without Adam’s help you can see how bad BLADES OF GLORY was, how not profitable STRANGER THAN FICTION was, and it makes a good case for why people can be more or less creative with those who know their style. Judd Apatow has a keen sense of this and, wisely, has kept the band together. I’m generalizing, mostly, here but I am curious to know if anyone else knows of any creative team that is not greater than the sum of its parts and, in fact, only did their best work when all were aligned like planets in the sky.

    And, have you had a chance to see reviewer, part-time fill-in for Ebert for a few rounds with Richard Roeper, Robert Wilonsky’s new show, The Ultimate Trailer Show? I have and, to be perfectly honest, it’s a good show. I like someone else doing what I’ve been doing here for years, judging films before anyone has even seen them, and casting a few stones at how someone’s taken the preview material and slapped it on the screen. I do feel a sense of deja vu, though, as I hear someone else talk about how a trailer comes off to a viewer and what it says about wanting to see a film. It kind of validates, albiet in a very minute way, my ramblings in this space. It’s good to know there is something to be said about looking at trailers with a critical eye. Although I think I would be a little easier on the eyes…

    That’s it for me. Talk amongst yourselves. I’m going back to bed…

    FUNNY GAMES (2008)

    Director: Michael Haneke
    Cast: Naomi Watts, Tim Roth, Michael Pitt, Brady Corbet, Devon Gearhart
    Release: March 14, 2008
    Synopsis: In this provocative and brutal thriller from director Michael Haneke, a vacationing family gets an unexpected visit from two deeply disturbed young men. Their idyllic holiday turns nightmarish as they are subjected to unimaginable terrors and struggle to stay alive.

    View Trailer:
    * Large (QuickTime)

    Prognosis: Negative. I hope this film finds its way to a slow, painful wet grave and at least has the decency to pull the dirt over its head.

    I can’t for the life of me understand the marketing angle for this trailer. When you have a film that deals with the slaughter of a family by a pair of d-bags who aren’t creepy, who simply look like young actors putting on airs to put themselves over as young Patrick Batemans, you really don’t want to go for the jaunty orchestration that is usually reserved for comedic high jinks that has people slipping on pies and getting rocked by pillows in the face.

    No, what we get here is a trailer for a shittily (yeah, it’s a word) plotted out film where you have people’s lives held in the balance by a bet some young homicidal dudes put out there.

    What really grinds me, though, is that I partially blame the victims.

    We are introduced to an upper crust family who are on vacation or are visiting their second home in the Hamptons; it’s idyllic, serene, hell, they love listening to classical music which just lets all of us know how blue blood these elitist assholes actually are, and they even show this family getting into a wooden sailboat as they plan on getting away from all the trappings of having way too much money. Even the little boy in this thing is shown beaming at the prospect of ingesting Puccini in mass quantities because that will really cement the idea of the filmmakers: these are whiter than white rich folks.

    Michael Pitt is trying hard, you can just see it, to try and harness the power of Arno Frisch, the star of the original FUNNY GAMES which debuted some decade ago in Austria. I can already see that trying to use tracing paper to mimic the effectiveness of a satire that held some weight years ago has its problems. Because, like idioms and how they differ from culture to culture, and why its so hard to grasp American “sayings” for many an import to our country, trying to replicate an idea can get lost in transition.

    Here is where we are introduced to the same jaunty classical music as the patriarch gets the snot beat out of him with a pair of golf clubs, Pitt trying to be all sorts of Camel cool as he questions whether the victims would like to call the police, ambulance.

    I am also troubled by the use of the title cards which tell us, in all caps, THANKS FOR SHOUTING YOU TERDS, “THE GAME IS SIMPLE.” “PICK A FAMILY”, “PICK A VICTIM.”

    What follows is hard to take from a consumer standpoint as these two white shorted, white polo wearing a-holes then proceed to do an Eenie-Meenie game before proceeding to thrash Tim Roth, expose Naomi Watts, and just savage the entire family any way they see fit.

    I’m no prude but there doesn’t seem to be any hook why I should fiscally support this film if this is either going to result in the family’s killing or the usual Hollywood one-up at the end when the beaten and downtrodden find a way to overcome their aggressors. Naomi’s pleading for her life at the end of this thing doesn’t help matters at all in the slightest.

    While I understand that Michael Haneke’s the writer and director for what is, oddly, a retelling of a movie he’s already done (that must have been strange) I don’t think anyone gave any serious thought to how this should be marketed. As it stands this is perhaps one of the worst trailers I’ve seen this year and if this is a satirical examination of violence, which has been done so many times since he released his original, someone in marketing at Warner Independent Pictures needs to take a class in to what people think about women being tortured does to the bottom line.

    Here’s a hint: Look at the campaign and grosses for CAPTIVITY.

    THE HAPPENING (2008)

    Director: M. Night Shyamalan
    Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo, Betty Buckley
    Release:
    June 13, 2008
    Synopsis: A couple goes on the run from an apocalyptic crisis that presents a large-scale threat to humanity.

    View Trailer:
    * Large (QuickTime)

    Prognosis: Positive. I can’t get beyond the idea that there has been much made of the “Gotcha!” kind of filmmaking that has plagued the critical explanation of much of Shyamalan’s work. Be it the wretched VILLAGE or LADY IN THE WATER he’s had a lot of movies go the way of box office bust. Films like SIXTH SENSE and UNBREAKABLE make you scratch your head about where is the consistency in what he does.

    I am uplifted, though, by this trailer.

    No one more than me could be amazed by the meteoric rise (and what a strange idiom; don’t meteors fall from the sky?) of Marky Mark. The guy’s been absolutely grand in movies like THE DEPARTED and BOOGIE NIGHTS and so many others that he comes off just as well here.

    The trailer does a little something extra and it’s almost too subtle to notice its strength; we’re allowed to get extended scenes here and get a feel for the pacing, the cinematography and genuine feel for the movie proper.

    A discussion about the disappearance of bees has lofted a few plausible thoughts but since this is a Shyamalan flick you’ve got to go to bizzaro lengths to get a good idea to one suitable for him. Hence, the bee idea is taken to its most implausible degree and applied to human beings. Not that I’m breaking bad on the trailer because I’m not. You’ve got a logical beginning, no Voiceover Guy pushing his way into our understanding of this film and a neat segue into a beat cop walking on the street one minute and, the next, dead on the street.

    This film’s bizarre-ness is taken a step further in the auditorium meeting with Cameron Frye who starts the proceedings with being ambiguous about what’s happening to people. Now, I get the populist red herring that the Homeland Security, CDC, virus attack grand scale thinking that this could be a terrorist thing is one way to proceed (the trailer does a good job in setting that theory in motion) but the cheesy 80’s retro rock instrumental music is a bit odd. However, the way that this is handled is quite effective. For a movie that is going to be hanging that fist low, ready to pop you in the jaw at the very end in that Shyamalan way, the pieces that we’ve been given here are enough to make you wonder what is It. What will It be?

    I’m not quite sure I know what the surprise ending will be when you hear that it really won’t be a terrorist attack (it would be an all too easy way out and I am sure some in Middle America are going to be floored that it’s got nothing to do with terrorist killers) but the real thing that should be apparent to everyone is that M. Night is never going to change.

    His style, his perspective on things, the almost generic way he sets his shots up, you’ve got to believe he lives and dies by his writing. Like others who won’t give up the directorial duties to someone else, you’ve got to know it’s a ballsy move to make a movie where you remove one-half of what could carry you through if one part suffers, Hence, that’s why this film’s trailer does well: the story at least has an intriguing premise. Now, whether he can create a sustainable story is another.

    But to see those guys falling off the roof? Show me more”¦

  • Comics & Comics: Wrath of Caan

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    Howdy Inter-Webbers, I’m Matt Cohen, and I’m funny.

    I’m really funny. Like, soul crushingly so. Even I can admit that there are a few (a very few) funnier then I, and here is a peek at what some of them are up to. So take off your thinking caps, and don your tuxedo tees, cause its time to share in the laughter.

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    Big Screen

    Semi-Pro: The first solo flick from writer (and UCB alumni) Scott Armstrong puts Will Ferrell into the “lead” role of yet another sports comedy, this time a basketball film, and amazingly another very funny movie is born. Plot-wise, Semi-Pro is nothing groundbreaking and often pretty thin but that doesn’t stop Ferrell and Co. from packing in the laughs. Ferrell stars as Jackie Moon, owner, coach and power forward of the struggling ABA club, The Flint Michigan Tropics, a loud, boisterous and yet extremely likable fool of a man. The film, set in the mid seventies, finds Moon and the rest of his squad struggling to secure a place in the NBA, after the impending mergers between the two organizations. Ferrell, in an out of ordinary move, takes backseat in the film, to the supporting cast, particularly Woody Harrelson as a washed up former pro, and Andre Benjamin as a young talented upstart. The marketing of the film is misleading in this regard, because I fully expected to go in a see a Will Ferrell movie. Not to say I was disappointed with the overall outcome, just that Jackie Moon definitely is not the focus of Semi-Pro, and though Ferrell kills in his on-screen time, I really would be hard pressed to consider him the lead of the film. Semi-Pro is filled with an excellent supporting cast; particularly Will Arnett and Andy Daily steal the show, as the two Tropics radio commentators. This movie isn’t quite as funny as Anchorman or Talladega Nights, but those are two brilliant films in my opinion, and living up to that level of excellence is hard to do. Semi-Pro is a very funny movie, not perfect, but definitely worth checking out.

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    “If I sink this shot, I’m taking the whole team to Carvel for sundaes and fun!”

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    Films to Look for:

    Stepbrothers: After about three viewings of the trailer, I have come to the conclusion that this looks like one of the funniest movies of the year, if not the last few years. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly re-team, this time as the titular step brothers, two thirty something men who find themselves sharing a bedroom with a complete stranger. The trailer is short, but glorious. The two men quickly find themselves going from bitter enemies to best friends, and the transition looks to be hilarious (John Stamos!!!). This is the first team up between Ferrell, Reilly and director Adam Mckay since Talladega Nights hit theaters, and it appears as if the wait has been worth it. I know people who are already quoting one liners from the film, and thats just after seeing a short preview. In Taladega Nights Ferrell and Reilly proved they are a great comedy twosome, and Stepbrothers looks like its certainly going to solidify that.

    Pineapple Express: A 40-something second trailer containing guns, pot, and a song by M.I.A. (Paper Planes), and with that, I was completely and fully hooked. The trailer for Pineapple Express is an odd bird, to say the least and that may be why I’m so intrigued/excited by the film. Seth Rogen and and James Franco (In fully on hippy Jesus look-alike mode) star in a film written by Rogen and partner Evan Goldberg (the same team behind this summers Superbad) and directed by David Gordon Green of all people. If you are unfamiliar, Green is a renowned director of hard hitting, intense low budget films, such as All the real girls and the indie fave George Washington. This is not going to be a typical comedy. Early advances say that the film is “too dark” for most average comedy goers, some even saying disturbingly so. I’m a fan of all the folks involved, and a fan of the content as well, so this film is high (I’m clever) up on my radar of movies to see in 08.

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    “Alright, just wait for it and that picnic basket is ours!”

    Baby Mama: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler star as a single working woman (Tina Fey) and her surrogate mother to be (Poehler) in this upcoming comedy. Written by Fey, it is her first starring vehicle since her newfound fame on TV’S 30 Rock., and the trailer looks like she has hit a line drive first time up at bat. The movie is sweet, but not nauseatingly so, and Poehler’s character looks to be one of the ditziest/funniest female I have seen onscreen in a long time. Fey seems to be staying in her usual “Straight-Woman” territory, but that is where she excels so you’ll hear no complaints from me. This will also be Poehler’s first co-lead and I personally think its about time, because in my opinion Amy is the funniest women alive. With two stellar leads like this film has, I think Baby Mama is one to watch for.

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    DVD Review

    Human Giant Season 1: Its no secret that I am a huge fan of this series, and the DVD offering of the first season does not disappoint viewers, hard-core or newcomers alike. This two-disc set comes jam packed with uncensored extras, best of clips from the 24 hour Human Giant MTV marathon and loads more. The most important part of a sketch show is the sketches of course, and lucky for us, Human Giant knows how to provide the funny, on a more consistent basis then any sketch show I’ve seen in a long time. With this two disc set, the viewer gets every uncensored episode from season 1, three hours of bonus features and an infinitely larger amount of laughs. So if you’ve seen the show, or you are a noob, pick up this set and I can guarantee you will laugh till your eyes hurt, take a break, and then laugh again.

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    One of these men is really large. (Hint: It’s not the little one)

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    Well, thats it for this week. Check back in a fortnight (I’m very cultured) for a look at next weeks comics, and special guest Jesse gives us his opinion on the much celebrated, Batman: The Animated Series. Be there or be square… And squares are no fun. Four sides…. Pft!

    and as always,

    “Keep em’ bagged and boarded”

    Matt Cohen is trying to build a mountain out of a mole hill, but the moles are being real jerks about it.

  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/7/2008

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Party Favors: Billy Mays For President

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    partyfavors2008-03-06.jpgDENVER – This year it sucks to be a vice presidential candidate.

    The Democratic Convention isn’t till the end of August. The Republicans meet the first week in September. Does it really take this long for the delegates to construct donkey and elephant themed hats?

    This means we’ll get six months of “Guess the Vice President.” Brace yourself for reporters ending every interview with a politician with: “Would you accept the job of Vice President if it’s offered?” It’s like adding “in bed” to a fortune cookie message. MSNBC already asked it to Elmo if he’s ready to replace Dick Cheney on the ticket. He’s hot the red states. Although my support for the future V.P. is pitchman Billy Mays. He knows how to promote American innovation and products. Which nominee will nab the man who gave us Oxiclean? Neither candidate is going to tip their VP choice since that’s what creates real surprise at the convention. Nobody in May will be wearing a “Second In Command In Training” vest. It’s an infernal pundit guessing game meant to last all summer long.

    Coincidentally Jeff Zucker at NBC is already planning a new arena gameshow entitled, Are You Willing to Accept the Job of Vice President? It will follow their upcoming slate of “competitive reality shows” that includes What’s In My Pocket?, How Much Does Your Belly Button Lint Weigh?, and Black Sock or Navy Blue Sock?

    Why exactly is a major TV network wasting an hour with My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad? Remember when this show was on Nickelodeon and called something like Family Style Double Dare? Why does NBC run it at 9 p.m. on a Monday? That’s pretty late for a school night. They can call it, My Dad Doesn’t Care What Time I Go to Bed. Hasn’t NBC news run news reports about how kids need to get more sleep. And now they do this? Jeff Zucker doesn’t care that your kids don’t get to bed till 10 p.m. Get with your own truths, star of Fat Actress.

    NBC’s Amnesia is even worse as a gameshow. I don’t care if people can remember their fifth grade teacher. Why does Dennis Miller keep having a career? Has he used his Thesaurus joke on the show yet? He’s like that wad of bubblegum you swallowed in second grade that you swear is still stuck in your small intestine. In Japan, if someone had failed as pathetically as Miller did on Monday Night Football, he’d commit ritualistic seppuku. Celebrity Seppuku would be perfect for VH1. Whatever happened to giving the people what they really want?

    LOL GOP

    Everyone keeps claiming that Fox News is the propaganda machine of the Republican Party, but they’re wrong. Comedy Central is the true Kingmaker of this year’s GOP. You need proof? Gov. Mitt Romney and Mayor Rudy Giuliani were on Fox News as much as Bill O’Reilly and Shepard Smith. There were rumors that certain Fox News insiders were White House bound when either of their candidates became elected. But a funny thing happened on the way to the convention: Mitt and Rudy flailed, failed and bailed.

    Why?

    The Colbert Bounce and the Daily Show Phenomena devastated Fox’s favorite sons. Mike Huckabee was as unknown as that freakish senator from Alaska. But then he was clutched into Stephen Colbert’s patriotic bosom. This quasi-endorsement allowed the Arkansas governor to win primaries while Mayor Rudy fled to Florida to blow his campaign chest on a “fire wall” vote.

    McCain was ignored by Fox News who decided he wasn’t worth their Campaign Carl exclusives. Fox trademarked “America’s Mayor” for Rudy. Mitt was practically co-host of Your World With Neil Cavuto. Jack Welch was jealous at Neil spending so much face time with “The Man Who Saved the Winter Olympics.” McCain didn’t even have a Roger Ailes endorsed nickname. But there was always a warm seat on The Daily Show set for McCain. Jon Stewart didn’t completely faun over him like Cavuto’s tongue slicking back Mitt’s hair. Stewart took the senator to task for going back on his straight talk – especially when he sucked up to the forces that ambushed him in South Carolina during the 2000 election. But at least Stewart cared enough to talk to McCain unlike that Fair and Balanced News Channel. And now who is in the catbird’s seat? How does Roger Ailes feel with the knowledge that his machine was derailed by a fake news show or more properly expressed, “An openly fake news show?”

    When it comes time for press coverage from the convention floor in Minneapolis, Colbert and Stewart should walk the floor not merely as fake news reporters, but as the swizzle stick that stirs the GOP drink. Forget Rush, Coulter and Roger Ailes, future Republican presidential candidates better kiss the true rings of power.

    OSCAR GOREY

    There’s only one way to save the Oscar’s ratings – the 2009 host must be Gary Busey. Imagine the look of panic in the eyes of Helen Mirren when she realizes her path to the Golden Boy goes through the arms of Busey.

    Instead of the memorial montage, a psychic should predict which Academy members will be in the grave before the next ceremony. Extreme close-ups will capture the shock of those marked for death.

    KISS AND DEFLATE

    Remember when Gene Simmons wanted us to call him Dr. Love? Thanks to the unexpected release of his sex tape, he’s now been reduced to Orderly Perfunctory.

    The Kiss frontman has spent the last three decades bragging about his sexual powers. Has he ever done an interview with a female reporter that didn’t include him hitting on her? He tempts them with his tongue and the treasure restrained by his codpiece. He was going to rock and roll them all night.

    Even on the recent Apprentice, Gene sold himself as God’s Gift to women. Did he not lock his sunglasses on Ivanka Trump’s rack? He swore the Manhattan socialite wanted to understand “Detroit Rock City.” He passed himself off as a stud on A&E’s Family Jewels. America bought into the legend that Gene Simmons at nearly 60 still had the mojo.

    But then the video of Gene boffing a blond with heavily augmented breasts hit the internet. Instead of fans of Family Jewels rejoicing at this carnal find, there was a complete letdown. “My eyes!” they screamed as if they opened up the ark of the covenant.

    There’s nothing sexy about Gene’s seduction. He keeps his t-shirt on as if he was the second coming of Ed Powers. He doesn’t even remove his pants from around his ankles. This dress code only acceptable for scoring with the ladies in toilet stalls. Gene doesn’t use his legendary tongue for foreplay. He pulls a Col. Sanders. He licks his fingers to moist up her extra crispy giblet. There’s no kissing. The woman does her best to not look directly at Gene’s face while he half-heartedly schtumps away on her. She wants to imagine him in full make up as the Demon and not face the reality of Gene’s aged sourpuss face.

    She wears her flip-flops onto the bed. Is she afraid of catching a foot fungus from Gene? This is not a sexy sexual encounter. Michael Jackson’s turkey baster is more romantic with the ladies.

    As far as sex tapes go, this is a complete disaster. It makes Kim K Superstar look like Last Tango In Paris. The Johns in Brent Owens’ Hookers At the Point series have more seductive moves than Gene. For the upcoming season of Family Jewels, A&E is running a promotional campaign for people to vote if Gene really had sex with 4,800 women. Who couldn’t have sex with 4,800 women at $20 a pop? They even have a billboards up with the number – as if Gene was the McDonald’s of Groupie Sex. If you notice, it only says “4,800 women” and not “4,800 satisfied women.”

    Even worse is Gene telling people that the sex video is from five years ago. That means he was younger when he screwed the blond as if he was taking out the garbage. The nice thought is that Gene can get some crossover action by having this footage featured on a very special episode of Discovery’s Mythbusters.

    THE DVD SHELF

    The writer’s strike might be over, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up watching DVDs for broadcast TV. Here’s a few new arrivals that have piled up on the Grand Wega.

    Beowulf was much more fun to watch than the version inflicted upon us in English 112. The battle scene between Beowulf and Grendel was pretty damn intense. But the tension was undercut when they kept coming up with Austin Powers gimmicks to hide Beowulf’s cyber dong from the camera’s view. Seeing how I’m watching the “Unrated Director’s Cut,” why couldn’t they allow Beowulf Jr. to flap freely in the heat of combat? And what’s up with Angelina Jolie having the same accent as Beaky Buzzard’s mom from the Looney Tunes cartoons?

    Mod Squad: Season One, Volume 2makes me wonder how can any criminal resist the pout of Julie Barnes (played by Peggy Lipton)? She knows how to make the kindest soul feel guilty. The second half of the first season keeps up the fun as the young undercover police trio bust old criminals and save groovy chicks. They survive a plane crash in “Flight Five Doesn’t Answer.” They saddle up as undercover cowboys in “Fear Is the Bucking Horse.” The prime episode of boxset is “Keep the Faith, Baby” with Sammy Davis Jr. as a priest and Robert Duvall as killer. Julie, Pete (Michael Cole) and Linc keep it solid with their crimefighting skills. Youngsters should recognize Linc since Clarence Williams III played the Harlem crime boss Bumpy Johnson in American Gangster.

    Love American Style: Season 1, Volume 2 keeps the love coming from the greatest kitsch series of the Seventies. Two of my favorite episodes are included. Both involve Batman stars. “Love and the Big Night” has Tony Randall get his shot at Julie Newmar. She’s the swinging secretary that enjoys shagging the married guys at work. Felix gets his freak on with Catwoman. Big warning – you do see Tony’s bare chest. “Love and the Great Catch” has Adam West playing himself while visiting George Lindsey. Batman tangles with Goober! The true joy of Love American Style is having TV and film icons tangle on a neutral show.

    Love Boat: Season One, Volume 1 took over from Love American Style in allowing stars a chance to act outside of their sitcoms. Jim Nabors, Tab Hunter, Robert Hegyes, Sandy Duncan, Jane Curtain and James Bond III all boarded the Pacific Princess in search of amore. The series launched the coolest bartender to sail the high seas in Isaac Washington (Ted Lange). He revolutionized the mixologist in pop culture. The show pure mindless fun. The Love Boat mocked the viewers since it was quite obvious that if you were watching it on Saturday nights, you weren’t getting much love. You weren’t heading off to a romantic location. Spending time with Gopher allowed America feel that they weren’t that lonely.

    101 Dalmatians: Platinum Edition is a major upgrade from the 1999 barebones release. This Disney animated classic deals with sweet Cruella De Vil’s dream of collecting enough puppies to make herself a Dalmatian coat. The puppies decide that they don’t want to sacrifice their lives for fashion. What would Tim Gunn say about this? There’s tons of bonus stuff including a 33 minute documentary about the film and legendary animator Marc Davis discussing Cruella.

    No Country for Old Men was the only Oscar nominated film that lured me into paying full price. And it won the golden boy. I still have nightmares of checking into the wrong hotel room and discovering Anton Chigurh. Javier Bardem (better known to Regis as Xavier) gives a Terminator level performance as the killer who can’t be stopped when he’s on a mission. Josh Brolin plays the man who stumbles upon drug loot and thus becomes Anton’s next target. One of my favorite films of 2007.

    Flight 29 Down: Season Two is Lost for kids except it doesn’t confuse you with timelines, polar bears and giant magnets. A pack of kids attempt to survive after being stranded on a tropical island. The entire series wraps up on Tango Hotel: Series Finale. Remembering my school days, I’d be the first to resort to cannibalism.

    Things We Lost in the Fire reminds us that Halle Berry winning the Oscar wasn’t a career fluke. She can act in films that aren’t completely dumb like Catwoman. She plays a mom struggling with a tragic event. She thinks she finds a steady hand with Benicio Del Toro, but he’s got his own demons. This film could have easily devolved into a Lifetime movie, but the performances keep it from going off the tracks.

    Into the Wild is the creepy tale of Chris McCandless. After graduating from college, he gave away all of his possessions and trekked into Alaska. Sean Penn does a magnificent job at showing the rush McCandless must have felt on his journey. Not to spoil the ending, but it’s not the feel good hit of the year. This would make a great double feature with Werner Herzog’s Grizzly Man.

    Descent has ended any sexual fantasies involving Rosario Dawson. She plays a college girl that’s sexually attacked by a classmate. She plots a really nasty revenge on her date rapist. Fans of Frank Zappa’s “Bobby Brown” won’t wince as much as the rest of us. Make sure you get the NC-17 cut for the complete “AHHHHHH!” factor.

    Trading Spaces: Specials is a great way to distract the wife when you need private time during March Madness. The DVD has 4 of the hour long specials including “Trading Castles.” Paige Davis hosts two of them. It’s nice to see TLC has brought her back to host the show. Did you know that designer Hildi Santo Tomas worked for Sen. Jesse Helms?

    IS PARIS ITCHING?

    I’m applying for the “Be Paris Hilton’s New Best Friend” MTV reality show. First I’ll have to host my own VH1 reality show to help me win her show. “Corey Connection” allows drug dealers to compete for my “friendship.” Can aspiring Tony Montanas get me anything that Paris wants at 4 a.m.? A year after my victory as Paris’ new best friend, I’ll be hosting “Don’t Scratch That!” from the Center for Disease Control.

    TODAY TOMORROW TONIGHT

    According the Magic 8 Ball, Jay Leno won’t be leaving NBC when he steps down from hosting the Tonight Show. Jeff Zucker will have Jay host the upcoming fifth hour of the Today Show.

    There will be a nasty ratings dive for the Tonight Show if Leno goes to ABC or Fox. While Conan has his followers, he attracts a different audience than Leno. More people tune into Conan after watching Letterman. A drinking buddy at a certain ratings service says that at least 20% of Conan’s “audience” is comprised of people who fall asleep during Leno. While Conan might have done well against Letterman and Kimmel, he’s dead meat if Leno sticks around at 11:35 on ABC or 11:00 on Fox.

    Zucker’s wooing Jon Stewart for Late Night to replace Conan. But sources, who have seen Jon on TMZ, claim he has no intention to give up The Daily Show. What’s the point of moving from 11 p.m. to 12:35 a.m.? Stewart enjoys being able to keep up a daylight audience with the constant replays on Comedy Central. Plus he’s the GOP Kingmaker. Conan can’t even get a Dr. Pibb at the NBC commissary. The dark horse candidate for Late Night is The Daily Show‘s Rob Riggle. Carson Daly hosting the hour is considered the “If terrorists blow up New York and Los Angeles while Carson Daly is golfing in Texas” option.

    Zucker can always mix things up by having a two and a half hour late night Deal or No Deal or American Gladiators Afterdark.

    MORE NBC GAME SHOWS

    Our man in Burbank has slipped us the top secret list of all the game shows Jeff Zucker is pondering for upcoming prime time schedule.

    Arf Arf – Contestants have to match dogs with their owners.

    Patient Zero – Guess who gave everyone in a group of people a communicable disease.

    I Got Your Nose – A contestant has to guess which of five people truly has their nose sticking out of their fists.

    National Peek-A-Boo Night – America wonders where the host has gone when he covers his face with his hands. Riveting TV, Tom Shales will declare.

    Fresh or Sour – Contestants have to guess the expiration date of milk.

    What Did I Have For Lunch – Contestant gets a fart in the face and has to identify the foods in the gas.

    Do You Know Who I Am? – Drunk celebrities avoid being arrested for drunk driving by flaunting their star power.

    Know that Colon – Can you spot your spouse’s colon when a cam’s been shoved up it?

    ROCK OF SHOTS

    Faithful reader Zan W. pondered a great question: Is Bret Michaels auditioning for Wilford Brimley’s Liberty Medical gig? Both men spending most of their time on TV talking about their diabetes. As soon as Bret wraps on Rock Of Love 22, he’ll be ready to tell us how to order all your diabetic supplies.

    If Bret really wants to be the new Wilford, he’s going to have to drop the bandana action. Wilford doesn’t mind showing off his sexy scalp. How much hair is really attached to Bret’s dome? A recent Rock of Love had a girl “surprise” Bret with breakfast in bed. She allegedly woke him up. He still had the bandana on. How many hours did Bret have to prepare himself for the “surprise?”

    Brace yourself: MyNetwork will be airing a sitcom starring Flavor Flav called Under One Roof. Expect to see a rise in reports of people ripping their eyes out.

    END THE PAIN

    I fear being trapped in a theater watching Mike Myers’ The Love Guru. My eye are already hurting from the trailer. Please tell me that this isn’t really a movie, but a fake trailer spoofing the cinema of Myers.

    At some point I’ll see Semi-Pro since Jackie Earle Haley plays a rabid fan of the Flint Tropics. It’ll probably be a matinee.

    OPRAH’S BIG GIVE

    What would I do if Oprah handed me a pile of money? I’d give her directions to where Gayle King is buried alive.

    The press went nuts with the announcement that Discovery Health Channel will become OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network. There was buzz that Oprah would revolutionize TV with uplifting programs for her followers. Remember when Oprah pushed the Oxygen Channel? The station devolved into continuous marathons of Bad Girls Club and Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. What the hell went wrong with that channel? How did it go from empowering women to exploiting them like a trainwreck version of Girls Gone Wild? Does Oprah feel bad that she birthed this bastion of trash TV that exists to give E!’s The Soup classic highlights? OWN will feature Gayle King’s Ultimate Jell-O Wresting Academy by the end of the year.

    FINAL UPCOMING NBC SHOW

    Did I Wash This Underwear? – Can be played on To Catch A Predator with the pervs before Chris Hansen steps out from behind the screen.

  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/6/2008

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • Never Mind The Buzzcocks episode 21×03, Part 1… (Thingamabob)
  • Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 3/5/2008

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    The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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    • Smothers Brothers on What’s My Line(Thingamabob)
  • Toy Box: Halo 3 Action Figures

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    If you’ve already checked out the other half of my Halo 3 review at my regular site, you might want to skip down to the actual review. I’m stealing liberally here.

    Halo 3 holds quite an impressive record. It’s had the highest opening day gross of ANY form of entertainment EVER. The game took in 170 million dollars on it’s opening day. Do the beautiful people need any more proof that us geeks have taken over the world?
    I don’t play Halo, but I get the general premise. You’d have to be pretty out of touch not too, let’s face it. The good guys are Master Chief and the other Spartans, cyborg supersoldiers. They battle the Covenant, a diverse race of aliens driven by religious fervor to wipe out humanity.

    Mcfarlane Toys picked up the Halo 3 license to produce action figures, and have just released their first wave. There are a TON of figures to pick up, and I’m reviewing three here today (EVA Spartan, Brute Chieftain and Cortana) and I’m reviewing for more over at my site (Master Chief, Grunt, Jackal Sniper and the Mark VI Spartan). There are several exclusives, including a blue Mark VI exclusive to Wal-mart, a white Mark VI Previews (specialty store) exclusive, a blue CQB exclusive to Wal-mart, a steel CQB exclusive to GameStop, and an active camo EVA exclusive through Mcfarlane’s webstore. I believe there’s also a green version of the Grunt, but I haven’t seen one yet. That’s a ton of figures!

    If you have any questions or comments, feel free to drop me a line at mwc@mwctoys.com. On to the review!

    Halo 3 – Cortana, Spartan Soldier (red EVA), and Brute Chieftain

    These figures are hitting regular retailers now including Toys R Us, and you can expect to pay around $10 – $14 each. I have some online suggestions at the end of the review as well.

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    Packaging – ***
    I personally hate the term ‘green’ – I feel bad for the poor environmentalists who were poo-pooed for years, but now that companies see a chance to make a buck, they’re all over the ‘green’ concept – but I have to point out that my biggest issue with these particular clamshells is the amount of waste. All of them (including the Brute) could stand to be in smaller clamshells, since I don’t really need to buy Chinese air.

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    However, there’s a huge plus here that I feel keeps these from dipping any lower in score – personalization. I’m a big proponent of packages that discuss the specific character held within, rather than using the same generic insert or cardback for the entire series. Here we get specific info on each game persona, as well as info on accessories and other variants. Hey, if I can get this kind of info on ever series, I’m more willing to kill the planet.

    Sculpting – Brute Chieftain ****; EVA ***1/2; Cortana ***
    One thing that Mcfarlane rarely has trouble with is sculpting – this set is a fine example of their best work. There’s plenty of small detail work, much finer and cleaner than you normally see on a 5″ scale. In fact, the scale is probably going to be the biggest issue most folks have with this line.

    The Brute Chieftain is the brute his name implies, standing about 6 1/2″ tall. He towers over the 5″ EVA, and looks both menacing and evil. I love the skin detail work, which contrasts nicely against the smooth texture of the armor plates. Nothing is just painted on, as every line, design and bauble is carved into his flesh or armor.

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    The EVA version of the Spartan soldier sports a similar body to the others, with minor redeco changes to the armor. The helmet is the biggest change of course, with the EVA wearing a more ‘lunar mission’ style than the Mark VI. Either way, he looks terrific, and there’s enough difference between all the Spartans to make them stand out on the shelf.

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    Cortana is the least interesting of the bunch. Her sculpt is very plain, due in large part to her A.I. characterization. I didn’t really expect a ton of detail, but she really is just a 4″ tall hunk of PVC. The hair sculpt has some nice detailing, and her face is quite pretty close up, but the consistent blue/black colors make it difficult to see these details with the nekkid eye.

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    As I mentioned, the scale might be an issue for some folks. These are in a 5″ scale, making them look alright with the Spider-Man, Superman or Batman movie figures from the last couple years…and that’s about it. Since it’s unlikely you’ll be mixing and matching with those less than stellar movie lines, these guys are going to have to hang out on the shelf by themselves. The sheer number of them being released helps ease that a bit though, giving you plenty of characters to put together, and for the sixth scale fans, they are supposed to be doing a 12″ version of Master Chief later this year. And if you’re a Revoltech guy, there are some in this scale as well that should go together nicely.

    Paint – EVA ****; Brute Chieftain ***1/2; Cortana ***
    Another area that Mcfarlane tends to be strong in is paint quality, particularly with their non-cartoon lines. Here we see lots of well done paint details, a good use of wash to bring out the sculpts, and very clean details where appropriate.

    Cortana doesn’t have much of a pallette range though, which causes what details there are to be hard to see without magnification. The paint work is generally clean, although some of the cut lines between the dark blue paint and clear plastic were a little sloppier here than I’d expect. The translucent blue plastic looks good though, and the added paint details complement this cool (temperature wise) appearance. The smaller circuitry work on her legs is outstanding, although you might not notice it at first glance.

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    Like the other Spartans, the EVA version has a clean consistent visor color, with good detail work on the sculpted lines of his armor. They’ve used a glossier finish for the armor too, setting it apart nicely from the matte black areas of the suit. This difference in finish gives the impression of different materials, adding realism to the overall appearance, particularly at this small scale. I had some stray marks and damage on my Master Chief, but the EVA was very clean.

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    Finally, there’s the Brute. He has the most small detail paint work of the three, and the majority of it looks terrific. I particularly like the work on the eyes, mouth and elaborate head armor. There’s a little slop with most of the silver highlights though, and I would have liked more contrast between the finishes of the armor and the skin, ala the EVA. The similarity between the finish causes the armor to blend in a little too much with the rhino like flesh, and I think the glossier look would have worked better here.

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    Articulation – EVA ****; Brute Chieftain ***1/2; Cortana Bupkis
    For small figures, these have a TON of articulation. Mcfarlane only claims 18 points or so for the Spartans, but because of the way the joints are designed, they have far more posing potential than most other similarly articulate figures.

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    Except for Cortana, that is. She has no joints whatsoever. Zippo. Zilch. Bupkis. You better like her pose, because it’s what you get.

    All the Spartans, including the EVA, have excellent ball jointed necks that give them tons of personality in every pose. They also have true ball jointed shoulders, hips, and ankles. All of these joints are articulated on both sides of the ball, giving them an excellent range of movement. You’ll have to work some of the balls free, particularly the ankles, but once you do, you’ll be able to do a ton of creative poses.

    He also has ball joints at the wrists, elbows and knees, but these are jointed on just one side of the ball. Still, these joints work fantastic, much better than we’ve seen in other lines.

    Finally, they have a half foot pin joint, and a rocker chest. The articulation is really, really impressive on the Spartans, and the more I played around with them the more I liked them.

    The Brute Cheiftain has similar articulation, but the sculpt and armor does restrict it a bit more. He has the terrific ball jointed neck, shoulders, hips, ankles, wrists, elbows, knees, rocker waist…even a modified hip joint where the ball attaches to the torso that allows for additional movement. But his armor and bulk does restrict some of the posability, at least more than on the Spartans. It’s not a major issue, but pulls him down slightly.

    Accessories – EVA, Chieftain **1/2; Cortana **
    The one category with this series does poorly is Accessories. There aren’t nearly as many as you might expect considering the game and style of play.

    The EVA version of a Spartan soldier has his gun, with a good sculpt and paint. All three of the Spartans that I have now exhibit drooping gun barrels, which sounds like an excellent idea for an ED commercial. Still, with a little hot water/cold water, you can have them straightened right out.

    He also has a grenade, and two pegs to attach the grenade and gun to his body where there are convienently placed holes.

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    The Brute Chieftain comes with his deadly weapon, and the small end pops off to allow you to more easily slide it into his right hand. He can hold it in a number of menacing ways, and the sculpt and paint are excellent. This is easily my favorite accessory out of the first series. He also comes with one of the little pegs to attach the weapon to his back.

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    The only thing that Cortana comes with is her base. There are three LED lights in the front lip of the base, pointed back toward her like spotlights. Put a couple AAA batteries in the compartment on the bottom (they are NOT included), and with the flip of a switch you get the light up effect. I shot a photo of that effect below…it looks kind of cool in the shot, but keep in mind that I left the shutter open for about 20 seconds to get the effect. Yep, the lights are THAT dim. Get some seriously juiced up batteries and you might have a little more success, but don’t expect this thing to light her up like Britney on stage.

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    Fun Factor – EVA ****; Chieftain ***1/2; Cortana **
    These are actually great toys – not the usual Nerd Hummels that Mcfarlane has become known for over the last few years, but more of a return to their early days when they were trying to produce the coolest action figures on the market.

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    Of course, the static Cortana isn’t nearly as much fun as the other figures, and most kids would find her pretty boring.

    Value – EVA, Chieftain **; Cortana *
    You can find these at some retailers at $10 each, and at that price you can easily add another half star, and maybe even a full one. They are light on accessories to be sure, but the articulation, sculpt and paint make up for it if you’re spending a ten spot.

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    However, most places you find these will be charging $12 – $14. At that price, you really aren’t getting a great value, especially for the weakest of the bunch, Cortana.

    Things to Watch Out For –
    If you’re picking them out on the shelf, watch for the best paint jobs. In general, the ones I’ve seen are quite consistent, but occasionally there’s one with a scratch on the visor.

    Also, the wrist pegs on the EVA could tear if they are painted tight. Take extra care freeing them up, and even use the freezer trick if necessary.

    Overall – EVA ****; Brute Chieftain ***1/2; Cortana **1/2
    For quite some time now, Mcfarlane Toys has gone the route of the plastic statue. Even with licenses like the Simpsons, 24 and Lost, they stuck with Nerd Hummels rather than providing any real articulation. Some folks were beginning to wonder if they could even do good articulation any more, let alone great.

    This line proves they still can do it, and do it better than anyone else in this scale. The joints are useful, tight, and have a terrific range of movement. This was no easy feat either, because the Spartans aren’t superheros clad in skin tight spandex. If they were, the articulation could easily be added and the sculpt wouldn’t interfere with it. No, these are armor clad fighters, and generally figures wearing armor have poorer articulation, simply because people believe that it has to be that way. It’s just natural that the armor is going to interfere, isn’t it?

    Mcfarlane proves that doesn’t have to be the case. Yea, the huge Brute still has a few constraints, but the Spartans are both armored AND articulated, and this useful articulation doesn’t hurt the appearance of the sculpt at all. This is one of the best overall lines Mcfarlane has produced in some time, and I’m hopeful that the smaller scale won’t turn folks off to giving them a try. Once you get them out of the package, you’re going to find that they are much better than you might have anticipated, and most of your concerns over their size are likely to vanish.

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    Where to Buy –
    If you’re looking for the regular figures, I’d suggest hitting Toys
    R Us or your local GameStop. You can also find them at these great
    online retailers:

    Urban-Collector has a case of 12 for $130. This might be your best bet to get a full set.

    – CornerStoreComics has them for $13 – $14 each.

    Entertainment Earth has them in stock at $14 each.

    YouBuyNow has them at $15 each.

    – or you can search ebay using My Auction Links.

    Related Links –
    Before Halo 3, and before
    Mcfarlane got the license, Joyride Studios made larger action figures based on Halo 2. Here’s some guest reviews:

    – here’s their version of the Grunt.

    – there’s also a guest review of the Elite Guard.

    – And you can’t forget their version of Master Chief!

    – I’ve also reviewed four more of this first series over at Captain Toy/Michael’s Review of the Week – Master Chief, Mark VI Spartan, Jackal Sniper and Grunt.