FRED Entertainment

April 12, 2007

QSE News: 4/12/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:21 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgTom Selleck, best known Magnum P.I., is in talks to become the leading man on the hit NBC show Las Vegas.  Selleck will be playing the owner of a casino in the city, filling in the void left by the departing James Cann.  Insiders are claiming that Selleck’s character will, in fact, be a ladies man despite the fact that he will be sporting his trademark “gay porn” moustache.
  • Michael Jackson has reportedly recruited rapper 50 Cent to help with Jackson’s upcoming album. The two will be collaborating on a song called “Trial of the Century” and will chronicle Jackson’s legal woes over the past several years. Insiders say that Jackson is excited to work with “Fitty” and hopes to learn all sorts of things from the rapper… like how to act like a man.
  • The Tennessee home of the late singer Johnny Cash has burned down.  The home, which Cash lived in till 2003, is currently owned by former Bee Gee singer, Barry Gibb. According to the police report, Gibb awoke with a Saturday night fever to discover a burning ring of fire in his bedroom.  Said Gibb, “I’m lucky to be stayin’ alive and that’s no jive talkin’.”
  • And fresh from his appearances on Smallville, actor Eric Johnson has signed on as the lead role in the SciFi Channel’s new Flash Gordon series, scheduled to debut this August. Johnson is excited to tackle the role, but expressed some concern as to how the show’s producers will get around his “no nudity clause” if he’s required to run around wearing nothing but a trench coat and a smile.

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 4/12/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:16 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Bugs & Elmer, shilling for Alpha-Bits… (Thingamabob)
  • Neil Cicierega, you frighten the bejeesus out of me… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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April 11, 2007

QSE News: 4/11/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:16 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgThe man, the myth, behind the popular Girls Gone Wild video catalog has been jailed in Panama City. Joe Francis was ordered to surrender himself and serve time for contempt of court after walking out of proceedings to settle a four-year-old lawsuit. Francis said he only left the court room because the lawyers and judges weren’t acting “sexy enough” and refused to “look like they wanted it.”
  • One of the stars of Scrubs is now a newlywed.  John C. McGinley, who plays Dr. Perry Cox on the hit show, married yoga instructor, Nichole Kessler, on Saturday.  When asked why he decided to marry Kessler, McGinley re-iterated, “She is a yoga instructor.  Perhaps you missed that?  I mean, you can’t begin to understand the positions we can do in bed.  It boggles the mind.”
  • Model/ Actress Elizabeth Hurley is facing a possible jail sentence for her elaborate wedding held last month in Jodhpur, India.  Indian officials claim that Hurley’s wedding to Arun Nyar mocked Hindu traditions and the couple could face up to three years in prison if found guilty.  Prosecutors were set to meet today to determine if being forever know as the woman that drove Hugh Grant to a transvestite is punishment enough.

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 4/11/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:12 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • How about a little cut from Sweeney Todd? (Thingamabob)
  • I love a good Chilly Willy cartoon to get over an otherwise work-intense Wednesday… (Thingamabob)
  • And while we’re at it, let’s close with a Woody Woodpecker short… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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April 10, 2007

Rocky Horror Picture Show 3-D Poster

Filed under: Columns,Toy Box — admin @ 3:40 pm

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I attended college (the first time) from 1979 until 1983. Those of us that went to high school and college during the late 70’s and early 80’s got to see the birth of many modern concepts, including the concept of a ‘cult film’. It was during this period that being bad became good, and the worse, the better. But to label all cult films as bad would be incorrect – some just speak to us in a unique voice.

That’s where I’d put the father of all cult films, the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I remember going to the film in the late seventies, as it’s cult status was just starting to build. This was when you could still take in toilet paper, hot dogs and water guns, and theater owners were still surprised when members of the crowd rushed up to the screen during Susan Sarandon’s song. People went over and over again, not for the film alone (which is actually a pretty damn funny movie on it’s own), but for the crowd activities.

Rocky Horror Picture Show 3-D Poster

Mcfarlane Toys has added the classic iconic ‘lips’ poster to its series of 3-D movie posters. While this particular poster isn’t quite as complex as some others (I can’t wait to see how well they do with Robocop), it is certainly an image that is almost as famous as the film itself.

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Packaging – **1/2
The posters have been coming in slightly different packages, depending on the image. For example, the Nightmare On Elm Street package had a full plastic window over the front of the poster, protecting the fingers of Freddy’s hand. This time, there’s no window, just an exterior box around the shadow box of the poster. It protects the edges, but leaves the image itself open to touching. Somehow, that seems appropriate, if not particularly safe.

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Sculpting – ***1/2
Obviously, this is NOT a particularly complex poster to create. There’s a set of lips, and some words. Fortunately, both are done quite nicely.

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The lips are very impressive. The skin texture is excellent, and done in combination with the paint, is extremely life-like and realistic. The lettering is held out from the back of the shadow box with solid metal pegs, and have a bloody, drippy texture. Scale is good between the lettering and the rest of the poster, and it does look just like the original, white border and all. I’m particularly happy with the ones that use this shadow box treatment, rather than those (like the aforementioned NMOES) that are missing it.

Paint – ***
A great paint job was essential in capturing the very real appearance of the lips and teeth on the original poster. In that regard, they did an excellent job. The highlights and shadows are painted with such a convincing look that from more than a few inches away, you’ll swear they’re real. What you see in the photo is NOT due to my lighting, but rather due to the paint work on the lips, and it matches the look of the poster almost perfectly.

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Unfortunately, the general mechanical quality of the paint work doesn’t live up to the design. There’s red slopped down on the teeth, and the masking just isn’t as clean as you’d expect. From a slight distance the poster looks amazingly real, but on closer inspection the quality issues become more apparent.

Value – ***
At twenty bucks, you’re getting a solid value. These are large enough (around 13″ tall and 3″ deep or so…) that the stand out nicely on the wall, and make for an excellent media room or home theater decoration. This is one of those rare pop culture collectibles that’s cheap AND you’d be willing to have your in-laws see it.

Things to Watch Out For –
Pick out the one with the best paint ops, and pay particular attention to the work around the teeth.

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Overall – ***1/2
This isn’t my favorite of the overall line of posters, but it’s certainly a worthy buy. If you’re a huge fan of the film (and there are an awful lot of you still out there), then this is one of the better reasonably priced collectibles available, at least until Sideshow does a line of sixth scale figures (or a premium format Frank-N-Furter!).

Where to Buy –
There are plenty of online options:

Killer Toys has it available for $18.

– for the U.K. readers, Forbidden Planet has it for 20 pounds.

CornerStoreComics has him listed at $20.

Related Links –
I’ve reviewed several of the past 3-D posters, including Jaws and Friday the 13th, and Nightmare on Elm Street.

QSE News: 4/10/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:40 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgRadio personality Don Imus is in trouble for racist remarks he made regarding the Rutgers University championship women’s basketball team. Last week Imus referred to the team as nothing more than “nappy-headed hos.” Imus apologized saying he was told by his staff that “nappy” meant skill-oriented women and “hos” meant basketball players who can’t dunk.
  • In a sad bit of news, the rock group Kiss lost on of its members last Thursday night. Guitarist Mark St. John, 51, died of an apparent brain hemorrhage. The news has left many Kiss fans with the same question: “Who the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] is Mark St. John?”
  • David Goyer has apparently recovered from his failed attempt to launch a Flash movie by wooing Warner Bros. to sponsor a Green Arrow film. The film will put Green Arrow behind bars where he will face super villains he captured. Goyer said he will play up the violence and play down the salad tossing and rusty tromboning.
  • And finally today, the stars of the TV show King of Queens have filmed their last episode of the show which is scheduled to air next month. The series is ending because star Kevin James has opted out of the show to pursue a feature film career and because the show’s writers have completely run out of ideas to explain away how a fat, goofy-looking and unfunny man could be married to such a hot piece of ass.

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 4/10/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:30 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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April 9, 2007

SModcast 9

Filed under: SModcast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:39 am

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SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.

The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.

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SModcast 9: Red, White, But Never Blue, eh. –

In which our heroes pitch Canada on a new national slogan, suck off “Grindhouse”, predict a world gone mad in which the deaf prey on the blind, figure out that “Planet of the Apes” was more than an hour long, delve further into Scott’s home(s) and garden, revisit the skittish Wolfie, tell a tale of cross-breed passion betwixt a giant Yellow Lab and a miniature Dachshund, define the human cassolette, reveal dental hygiene as foreplay in the Smith household, pinpoint the time of day they’re more likely to couple, brainstorm an exercise regiment that’s predicated on murder, and find themselves troubled by the notion of fun.

[CONTENT WARNING] SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
SModcast 9 (MP3 format) – 60.21 MB

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SUBSCRIBE
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Wanna add your two cents? Spend it here, in the SModcast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SMODCAST ARCHIVES

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Melonpool Quickcast #23: Goin’ Down to Puppetown

Filed under: Melonpool Quickcast — admin @ 12:20 am
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-By Steve Troop

Based on Steve Troop’s classic webcomic of the same name, the Melonpool Quickcast features puppet versions of Troop’s alien cast, who are desperately trying to make heads or tails out of Earth culture.

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This week Mayberry and Roberta tour Puppetown Productions in Hollywood, CA. Now, what would a couple of aliens possibly learn at a studio that builds puppets? Watch for puppet versions of Beck and Carl Malone from Crank Yankers!

Don’t forget to comment on this and other Melonpool Quickcasts over at the official Melonpool Forum!

Mayberry Avatar Ralph Avatar Sam Avatar Sammy Avatar Roberta Avatar

Melonpool Quickcast #23: Goin’ Down to Puppetown:

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QSE News: 4/9/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:19 am

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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgThe Will Ferrell vehicle Blades of Glory was number one at the box office this past weekend for the second week in a row. The film’s originality and continued success will still surely spawn a number of copycat films in which downtrodden athletes battle against the odds to become champions… just like last week.
  • Fall Out Boy is postponing the start of the Honda Civic tour. Bass player and cheerleader Pete Wentz said the opening show was canceled for “personal issues.” Insiders were quick to note that although Wentz referred to them as “personal issues,” their names are actually Jennifer and Kelly.
  • Violinist Joshua Bell has won the coveted Avery Fisher Prize and a purse worth $75,000. The Avery Fisher Prize is so difficult to earn that the prize has not been awarded in three years. Bell won the prize despite being a wussy violinist.
  • Writer/Director/God Amongst Men Kevin Smith has finally revealed some plans for his upcoming horror film, Red State. Smith, known primarily for making comedies, is set to make his horror genre debut with an evildoer based on Kansas preacher Fred Phelps. Insiders are saying that to up the film’s horror and gore, Smith is considering casting Hilary Swank in the lead role.

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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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April 8, 2007

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 4/9/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:51 pm
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Little Lulu, Little Lulu, with freckles on your chin… (Thingamabob)
  • Kermit visits LeVar and Reading Rainbow(Thingamabob)
  • Jimmy Olsen, world’s best quasi-sidekick… (Thingamabob)
  • And after seeing the first one, you’ll want to see more of those Full House outtakes… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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Monkey Talk with Paul Dini: Hippity Hoppity

Filed under: Monkey Talk,Quickcasts,Video — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:32 am
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-By Paul Dini & Rashy

Paul Dini’s “Monkey Talk” (co-hosted by his irrepressible sock monkey son, Rashy) returns with a special Easter surprise. Be sure to check out Rashy’s official site at LittleRashy.com

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April 6, 2007

Scrubs Blog: My Animal Safari

Filed under: Production Blogs,Quickcasts,Scrubs Blog,Video — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:59 am
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VIDEO BLOG #81: “My Animal Safari” ““
Here’s a look at season 6 from the perspective of all the various critters who have made an apperance – from kittens and fish to a rather scary-looking kimodo dragon.

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Download Scrubs Video Blog #81:

  • Large (560 x 420 – QuickTime – 75.70 MB)
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Comics in Context #172: Nightcrawler’s Other Self

Filed under: Columns,Comics in Context — admin @ 5:57 am
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SUNDAY, FEB. 25, 2 PM

cic2007-04-06.jpgI was sitting in Room 1E16 of the Javits Center, waiting for the start of the last panel I would attend at this year’s New York Comic-Con, “Dave Cockrum Remembered.” Cockrum is best known as a fan favorite artist on DC’s Legion of Super-Heroes in the 1970s, and as the co-creator of the “new” X-Men, who debuted in Giant-Size X-Men #1 back in 1975. For that landmark issue, Cockrum and writer Len Wein jointly created three of the X-Men’s most prominent members, Colossus, Nightcrawler, and Storm, all of whom were derived from drawings in Cockrum’s legendarily voluminous sketchbooks. Cockrum, whom I interviewed decades ago for Fantagraphics’ X-Men Companion, was one of the foremost superhero comics artists of the 1970s and early 1980s. But a new generation of readers and editors seemed oblivious to his considerable talents. Worse, Cockrum became seriously ill with pneumonia and diabetes, and he finally passed away last November.

There were four speakers on the panel. First was the moderator, Clifford Meth, Cockrum’s longtime friend. In 2004 Meth edited a tribute book, filled with contributions from other comics artists and writers, to raise money to pay for Cockrum’s medical care. Aardwolf Publishing has just republished the book in hardcover form as The Uncanny Dave Cockrum, with additional artwork by Cockrum and other comics professionals. During Cockrum’s lifetime Meth also successfully negotiated a deal with Marvel whereby Cockrum would receive royalties for the members of the X-Men he co-created.

Also on the panel were three of Cockrum’s collaborators on X-Men: writer Chris Claremont, editor Louise Simonson, and inker Joe Rubinstein. Present as well was Paul Levitz, president and publisher of DC Comics, who is also renowned for his work on the Legion of Super-Heroes. (During the panel Levitz pointed out that his run on the Legion followed Cockrum’s, but that they did collaborate on a short story in Legion #300.)

Following his appearance at last year’s New York Comic-Con, Claremont had health problems of his own, and had vanished from public view for months. However, he looked hale, hearty, and energetic as a participant on the Cockrum panel.

Starting the panel, Meth said he would “open with a joke,” which proved to be a grim one. He recalled visiting Cockrum in the hospital three years ago. Cockrum had tubes in his throat and arms, in such a bad state that he was being fed through his rectum. On this occasion, Meth said, Cockrum felt “antsy” and told the nurse he “needs a cup of coffee.” The nurse warned Cockrum about it, but Cockrum said, “I don’t care.” So the nurse poured some coffee through the aforementioned orifice, and Cockrum screamed. “Was it too hot?” asked the nurse. Cockrum replied, “Too sweet.”

And that said a lot about Cockrum’s personality. Meth then told the audience that Cockrum had been released from the hospital, but that “we lost Dave” at the end of November. Meth brought up the tribute book and said that there “wasn’t a single person in the industry who didn’t want to participate in the tribute while Dave was alive.”

Louise Simonson praised Cockrum as “really good-natured.” With her taste for the concise, she explained simply that he was “a really good guy. That’s it.”

Claremont reminisced that when “You sat down” with Cockrum and “started talking ideas, you never knew where they would lead you,” or “where he would inspire you to go with it.”

In the “early days, working on X-Men“ in the 1970s, Claremont said, “We wanted to do aliens.” X-Men was a book about mutants, but “Why not? If we could imagine it, let’s do it. Suddenly he would come in with design sketches for spaceships based on bugs” and “beetles,” referring to the Shi’ar spacecraft that you can see in X-Men (first series) #97 (1976) and subsequent issues. Then Claremont recalled the “race of evolved dinosaurs” they had come up with for “two issues of Ms. Marvel“ (#20 and 21 in 1978) and expressed his “frustration” that they could “never take” the idea further because the “book got canceled.”

“With Dave it was a never-ending delight,” Claremont said, “every time you explored imagination with him.” You “left wishing other people could see with those eyes,” and there could be “more books, more opportunity” to work with him. But, Claremont added, sounding a recurring theme for this panel, “how transitory the creative turned out to be.” He was talking about how his periods of collaboration with Cockrum inevitably came to an end, for one reason or another, but one could not help but think of the end of a creative artist’s life, as well.

Paul Levitz told the audience that it was “important to put it in context,” and that the “time when Chris did his X-Men work with Dave” and “when Dave did his Legion work” was a “period when the heart of the comic industry was set up” so that people would “not to do more than necessary to get your paycheck”: there were “no royalties” and “no shares” in the profits for freelancers. Levitz recalled an old joke: “They pretend to pay us, we pretend to work.”

Then Levitz stated that “from his first moment as an artist in the field” Cockrum was “not only generous in spirit but had a generosity of creativity to his readers.” Cockrum “would labor for hours recostuming a Legionnaire,” and designed “modern costumes for each Legionnaire,” most of whom had been created twenty years earlier. If it was decided “let’s do aliens,” Levitz said, Cockrum would “come back with an entire universe of aliens sketched out.” According to Levitz, the “old pros of the period” wouldn’t do such a thing, and would say, “they’re not paying me to do this,” while the “young pros breaking in generally didn’t have the skill yet.” Cockrum, Levitz continued, was “one of the first” whose attitude was “Screw the deal. I’ve got to give this everything I’ve got.”

Joking that the panel’s unanimity of opinion might be getting “monotonous,” Joe Rubinstein agreed that “Dave was a really nice guy.” But Rubinstein found his own variation on the theme, telling us that “Dave was childlike.” with regard to working in comics, “he loved it, he loved it. If you paid him he’d like it better.” If Cockrum hadn’t been employed in the comics industry, Rubinstein contended, “he would’ve worked in a shoe store [or] a bookstore, and go home and draw the Blackhawks.” Rubinstein summed up, “His work was filled with joy.”

Thanks to the way the comics industry ran in the 1970s, Cockrum did not receive a cut of the money Marvel made from characters he had co-created.
The panel turned to the subject of the settlement that Meth negotiated with Marvel for Cockrum. “Without the money,” Meth asserted, Cockrum “wouldn’t get out of the hospital.” However, Cockrum was “happy” with the settlement he finally received, and was “absolutely thrilled” that on of his artistic heroes, “Will Eisner contributed” to the benefit tribute book. “He was always a fan. He created things he wanted to look at.”

Claremont stated that Cockrum had “a tremendous work ethic. When you ask for a character to be designed now, and to an extent then,” he continued, you will “get a sketch, maybe two sketches.” But there is no time to do more, “you take what you can get,” because the “book’s got to go to press.” In contrast, Claremont told the audience, “When Dave and I say down and decided we were going to redesign Phoenix”–by which Claremont probably meant devising the Phoenix identity and costume for X-Men cast member Jean Grey– “he did 50 designs”: there were “a couple of dozen specific visualizations,” and the rest were variations on those. Claremont praised Cockrum for “a wealth of creativity, a wealth of commitment, a wealth of craft.”

Claremont worked with Cockrum on X-Men in the initial years of its revival in the 1970s, then John Byrne came in as penciler and co-plotter, and Cockrum returned in the early 1980s after Byrne departed the series. Claremont declared that the “X-Men‘s success” lay in the fact that for the revival’s “first eight years” it was the “product of two men” (along with himself): Dave Cockrum and John Byrne. Claremont asserted that this was “a commitment of creativity that very few books, especially today, have.” Again, he told us that you “don’t realize how wonderful an experience” it is “until it’s not there.”

Cockrum left X-Men the second time to try his hand at writing and drawing his own creator-owned project, The Futurians. It’s “not a bad thing to try to make something that you own,” observed Louise Simonson. But The Futurians wasn’t as commercially successful as he might have hoped.

Claremont revealed that “one of the things that knocked me over as a reader, reading Legion of Super-Heroes, was the marriage of Duo Damsel and Bouncing Boy.” Claremont continued, “Way back then we were used to seeing the superheroes in costume or they wore an [everyday] suit. There was very rarely a sense of individuality” to what a character wore out of costume “that extended beyond being a superhero.” But for this 30th century wedding in Legion, “Dave designed the clothes for everybody and they were different.” In other words, each character’s clothes expressed his or her individual personality. “It wasn’t like they all went to the same futuristic tuxedo shop. They [the clothes] were consistent with character, culture and the future. And they were cool.”

Similarly, “In X-Men if Storm was going out to the opera, she wore a gown that was unique to an African in America.” Claremont didn’t mention this, but it was Cockrum who not only designed Wolverine’s highly distinctive unmasked face, but also his characteristic Western style of dressing when he is out of costume. “The costuming, the look of characters defined by. . .who they were as people,” Claremont said, was not only a “revolutionary. . .concept” but “It became an inspiration.” According to Claremont, Cockrum’s attitude was “I love the characters; let’s just have fun.”

Paul Levitz recalled that in the 1970s Cockrum and his friends “were frustrated with the comics industry of the time.” Returning to the subject of the Legion wedding, Levitz again established a context: “This was the last. . . year or two before original art began being returned to the artist.” The highlight of the wedding story was a “double-page spread.” Levitz said that “Dave put his heart and soul into this scene” and “must have done an army of sketches.” Cockrum even drew the scene on the larger sized pages that had been used in the 1960s so that he “could pour the detail in.” Moreover, Cockrum spent his own money on photostats in that pre-computer era, and “probably paid half his page rate”–which was low by today’s standards–“just to do the page right.” In exchange, Cockrum “thought he’d get to keep the page,” but, of course, the “company wouldn’t let him.” That was “one of the reasons he left Legion and went to Marvel to do X-Men.” That was “right at the cusp moment,” Levitz commented, when there was a sense “boiling up in the community” that artists had a right to get their original art back. And indeed Cockrum did finally get that double-page spread back years later.

Rubinstein reminisced about inking Cockrum’s second run of X-Men and his Nightcrawler miniseries in the 1980s. “Dave wasn’t a penciler or writer,” Rubinstein asserted; “he was a comic book creator.” Nightcrawler was Cockrum’s personal favorite of the X-Men, and he turned him into an updated version of the swashbuckler heroes of another era. “Nightcrawler turned into Errol Flynn for a while,” remarked Rubinstein.

That reminded Claremont of another highlight of Cockrum’s career, “Kitty’s Fairy Tale” in Uncanny X-Men #153 (1982), in which the series’ familiar characters took on new guises, like Kitty Pryde as what Claremont called “a runaway pirate,” and Wolverine resembled Looney Tunes‘ Tasmanian Devil. Claremont described Cockrum’s work on the story thus: “Each page is “˜Can you top this?'”

Claremont continued, “With Dave there was a sense there was nothing you couldn’t ask for, and he’d make you plotz with delight.” For example, “You ask for a starship that’s fifty miles long, and he gives you one that’s made of a fish, and it works!” (This is a reference to the Acanti, the “˜space whales” introduced in Uncanny X-Men #156 in 1982.)

Claremont revealed that he felt obliged to get his script “up to that level,” to match Cockrum’s creative achievement, and then the following month “he’d top you again.” Claremont explained that “You want to be on his level,” as Cockrum kept “raising the bar.” Claremont then confessed that “It was so much fun that you didn’t notice” how special this collaboration was “until it was gone.” and Cockrum had left the series. Then, Claremont said, “There’s this hole in your page.”

But then why is it that a man of such great talent as Dave Cockrum had trouble getting work in the comics industry after the 1980s, and fell into obscurity in the current comics marketplace?

“All of us see it, particularly these days” Louise Simonson said carefully, presumably referring to veteran comics professionals of the 1970s and 1980s like Cockrum and herself. She explained, “Editorial people have forces that drive them,” one of which is “market forces.” Hence, “they’re looking for the bright new thing.” From their point of view, “Dave was an old, tarnished object, not a bright, shiny one,” and he “faded into obscurity.”

Clifford Meth noted that “for twelve years ” Cockrum “could only get work from small publishing companies.” (One of these was Claypool Comics, for which Cockrum drew Soulsearchers & Company for nearly three years, in what appears to have been his last regular assignment. Claypool editor Richard Howell was not asked to speak on the panel, but you can find his tribute to Cockrum on the inside back cover of Soulsearchers #82, its final issue, currently on sale. So for a time Soulsearchers was written by Peter David, drawn by Dave Cockrum, and had covers drawn by Amanda Conner, all acclaimed comics professionals, and yet it was still ignored by most of the comics industry and readership!)

Meth said that Cockrum would look for work by making phone calls to editors. One highly placed person at one of these companies “hurt” Cockrum by telling him, “Your work is just too stodgy.” Meth said that “He felt largely ignored at that point in his career.” He “would get work but not regular work.”

Louise Simonson noted that “Dave was also very slow.” He could do “zillions of sketches,” but when it came to doing “actual comics pages,” he was “not fast.”

But his creativity remained high. Meth said that one day Cockrum sent him “five redesigns” of Marvel’s character Quicksilver; he ended up “putting them on eBay.”

So why didn’t someone at a comics company realize how valuable it would be to have Cockrum regularly designing costumes and characters and starships and such for them? On the panel Louise Simonson suggested that Cockrum should have been doing character designs for animation, but Meth responded that Cockrum “was too sweet a guy to work in that environment,” implying it was dog-eat-dog.

Claremont again extolled Cockrum’s talents, stating that “as a writer toy could present anything” to Cockrum, “whether it was a castle in Scotland full of leprechauns”–this is actually a reference to the Banshee’s leprechaun-infested castle in Ireland in X-Men (first series) #102–“or an alien invasion, and he would do it. . .and find a way to make it work and make it better. That is rare in any era of the industry.”

Cockrum “made the characters” into the readers’ “friends,” Claremont said, “people the readers wanted to see every four weeks,” whose lives they relate to.

So, apparently, did Cockrum: Meth told the audience that when Cockrum saw the X-Men movie, “he cried” because he was so “happy to see his characters on film.”

Claremont recalled that when the “new” X-Men began, Jean Grey and other members of the original team left the series. But then Claremont and Cockrum brought her back for a guest appearance, and when Claremont saw how Cockrum drew her this time, he said “She’s hot! Why did we write her out of the book? Can we bring her back, please?” And thus, Claremont asserted, began the road that “led to Phoenix and Dark Phoenix.”

As for another character in the series, Meth told us that “Dave often commented that Nightcrawler was his alter ego.” And it seems it was Nightcrawler who prevailed in Meth’s negotiations with Marvel. The Marvel lawyers maintained that Nightcrawler had been created under a work-for-hire agreement. But then, Meth told us, he revealed that Cockrum had published the “exact” design he used for Nightcrawler in a fanzine before Giant-Size X-Men #1! Now wouldn’t you like to have seen the Marvel lawyers’ faces when they first heard that? In what Meth called the “unprecedented deal” that was worked out, Cockrum’s widow Paty will continue to receive royalties for Nightcrawler and other Cockrum co-creations for the rest of her life.

And there is still more work by Dave Cockrum still to be seen; Joe Rubinstein announced on the panel that he is inking an unpublished Futurians story that Cockrum did.

Towards the end of the panel, Chris Claremont delivered a thought-provoking eulogy to Cockrum. “You always keep thinking that there’s more time,” he told us, saying that he assumed he would work with Dave Cockrum again. “The reality is we are finite, as much as we like to imagine ourselves being like our characters, who are not.” Cockrum’s passing, he stated, was “a reminder to cherish people and talents while they exist,” and “not to be in a position of talking about what should have been but [what] was.” Dave Cockrum created “what may not be as large a body of work as others’,” Claremont declared, but it “will last and bring credit to him long after many of us have moved on.”

Concluding the panel, Paul Levitz commended the Hero Initiative, the organization that offers financial aid and medical care to veteran comics creators in need. Levitz then told the audience that there was “something else” that was within “your power” to do, and that was to help in what he called the “emotional protection of the old creators.” He told us that if you see any of them at a convention, you “don’t have to commission a sketch,” but you should at least “spend a minute with them, [and] tell them how much you like their work.” Levitz noted that many of the older creators worked in anonymity and “frankly didn’t know anyone gave a damn.” Hence, he continued, meeting their fans at conventions has provided “some of the best moments of their lives” and that “in most cases that’s more important than economic health.”

Then Levitz observed that “comics people generally not smart about their economic health” whereupon Claremont burst into loud laughter at the truth of this observation. (Why, it was as if they were talking about me!) Levitz joked that “I’m the last guy Hero Initiative has to worry about. I’ve gone over to the Dark Side.” But he made the point that comics fans should show their appreciation not just to the Golden and Silver Age pros, but also to younger comics writers and artists who, for whatever reason, are, in his words, “not the flavor of the month.” Though he did not say so, obviously Dave Cockrum would have been in that category.

As if to exemplify what Paul Levitz had said about the elders of the comics profession, shortly after the convention ended, Arnold Drake, the co-creator of Deadman and Doom Patrol, passed away. Drake was one of the people whom I had been scheduled to interview on the convention’s “Classic Age of Comics” panel. That assignment fell through, and now I would never have my chance to interview him.

SUNDAY, FEB. 25, 3 PM:

Following the Cockrum panel I made a last stop on the main convention floor, which has seemed pleasantly, relatively quiet on Sunday morning but was again jam packed in the afternoon. High overhead still floated the malevolent elder god Cthulhu in his guise as a balloon of Pikachu, draining America’s youth of their life energies and taste in cartoon art. Then, below him, I saw a horrifying sight: a small, child-size Pikachu standing on the floor beneath him (her?), posing for passers-by. To adapt W. B. Yeats’ celebrated line, what rough beast slouches towards the Javits Center to be born? It’s Pikachu, Jr., that’s who. It was time for me to escape, and spend the evening at home writing up convention reports for Publishers Weekly’s Comics Week.

And so ends my coverage of this year’s New York Comic-Con, but not my discussion of the issues raised by the Cockrum memorial panel. The way that significant creative artists fall victim to the changing tides of taste and fashion and the marketplace deserves further examination. The Dave Cockrum panel reminds me of another panel discussion I recently heard about another important comics artist of the mid-1970s who passed away in the month following the convention. This was Marshall Rogers, whom I mentioned last week, whose work ranged from Don McGregor’s Detectives, Inc. to Chris Claremont’s Daughters of the Dragon to his many collaborations with Steve Englehart, including Batman, Silver Surfer, Mister Miracle, and his alternative strips for the early independent comics publisher Eclipse, Captain Quick and a Foozle, Coyote, and Scorpio Rose.

In Comic Zone’s Internet radio tribute to Marshall Rogers, his contemporary, inker Terry Austin, talked about how when they were breaking into the comics business, certain unnamed people in authority at DC Comics would castigate both them and their work. According to these people in power. Marshall and Terry were doing their art all wrong. The Comic Zone interviewer sounds clearly astonished by this. How could anyone not recognize the talents of Marshall Rogers and Terry Austin?

That’s the fate of innovators. There is an Old Guard who rejects the new, perhaps because the Old Guard’s tastes are different, perhaps because they are overly set in their ways, perhaps their artistic vision is too limited to see the potential of the new work that is right before their eyes. Once the innovators have made their mark, the Old Guard’s attitude looks ridiculous.

And so, once Steve Englehart, Marshall Rogers and Terry Austin’s collaboration on Batman appeared in Detective Comics in the mid-1970s, discerning members of the comics readership hailed it as an instant classic. I should know; I was one of them. Their Batman work was so influential that it served as an inspiration for the Batman movie that producer Michael Uslan was developing for Warner Brothers.

But a decade later it was Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns that was considered the most influential treatment of Batman. As I pointed out last week, it took over a quarter of a century for DC Comics to reunite the Englehart, Rogers and Austin team for Batman: Dark Detective. Uslan briefly, loyally mentions the Englehart-Rogers Batman on the special edition DVD of the 1989 Batman movie, but otherwise the DVD’s special features ignore it.

Neither Rogers not Austin were as much in demand recently as they had been in the late 1970s and 1980s. Peter Gillis observes in his blog’s tribute to Rogers that “deserved the fame he got and didn’t deserve the waning of that fame.” (Look further down on Gillis’s blog, and you will find his moving tribute to Cockrum.) Yet both the original Englehart/Rogers/Austin Batman and the new Dark Detective remain great, and will surely be recognized as classics ten, twenty or fifty years hence.

There’s the period when a creator hasn’t yet become fashionable, then he has his time in the spotlight, which may seem as if it will be permanent, but then the fashions change, and he may fall from favor, even though the quality of his work may not have changed. This is what happened to Cockrum.

It happens to others as well. Lately I’ve been reading Walt Disney and Europe, written by Robert Allan, and published in 1999 by the Indiana University Press. I picked up a remaindered copy at the New York Is Book Country street fair some years back, and I’ve never seen a copy anywhere else. That’s too bad, because this is an excellent study of how Walt Disney and his artists were influenced by European art, literature and music in creating their animated films. This book is the obvious basis for much of the “Once upon a Time” Disney art exhibition that is currently in Montreal (see “Comics in Context” #161).

In this book Allan writes about Kay Nielsen, a Danish artist whom Disney appointed as art director for the “Night on Bald Mountain” and “Ave Maria” sequences in Fantasia (1940). (The only important film I saw at Lincoln Center’s 2005 festival of musical cartoons that I haven’t yet written about was Fantasia. Maybe someday!) According to Allan, “after the second world war Nielsen returned to Denmark, endeavoring to obtain work again as book illustrator or stage designer, but without success; his style was too rigidly locked into the precise art mould which had originally brought him fame. It was too soon for a revival of interest. He returned to California where he died destitute in 1957. His wife Ulla died a year later. Forty years later his original artwork was fetching tens of thousands of dollars at auction.” (Walt Disney and Europe p. 163).

Here’s the pattern again: Nielsen became famous for his work, but fashions changed, and his work did not change with it, and he died in poverty. But consider Allan’s brief line: “It was too soon for a revival of interest.” If art has enduring value, then the “revival of interest” will come. Art which lasts transcends fashion and becomes classic.

Nielsen and his wife were unlucky in that they did not live to see this happen to his work. Their fate reminds me of the famous case of Vincent Van Gogh, who was recognized as a brilliant artist during his lifetime by fellow artistic giants such as Monet and Toulouse-Lautrec. Even so, it is said that Van Gogh only sold one painting during his lifetime (and used the paintings to pay the rent or other bills).

Jack Kirby was lionized by comics fans in the 1960s, but in the 1970s, as I’ve said before, I’d hear comics pros refer to him as “Jack the Hack.” But his skill as an artist hadn’t changed, and luckily for him, the pendulum swung back quickly, and he was hailed by comics pros and fans alike as a living icon in the 1980s. Had Kirby lived twelve years longer he would have seen his artwork hang in museums as part of the “Masters of American Comics” exhibition.

Time is a determining factor of greatness. Work that conforms to the passing fashions of the day may achieve great popularity in its time, but unless it rises above fashion, it will be forgotten as the decades pass. Great work may fall from fashion for a time, but its lasting merits will be rediscovered by new generations. Great work speaks not just to its own time, but to all time, as I shall attempt to illustrate in next week’s column.

ADVERTISEMENTS FOR MYSELF

I have just written a review of Fantagraphics’ collection The Comic Strip Art of Lyonel Feininger, a pioneering early 20th century cartoonist, for Publishers Weekly’s Comics Week. Ad you may be interested in seeing what my Comics Week editor says about “Comics in Context” over at the Beat.

Copyright 2007 Peter Sanderson

Trailer Park: SPIDER-MAN 3’s International Appeal and Reveal

Filed under: Columns,Trailer Park — admin @ 5:46 am

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

It’s like we can’t be trusted.

I was going to hold my tongue about all this until you made your way down below and beheld the sight of Venom and Co. swinging face first into your lives in the latest SPIDER-MAN 3 trailer. However, I just couldn’t shake the drifting thought about why Sony has sought fit to release this “International” trailer with oodles of the very thing you know every geek and his imaginary girlfriend who lives in Canada wants to see: Venom.

I make mention of it below in the column but, really, when you see this version of the trailer it seems like the whole storyline has shifted focus. It’s rare to see such a departure in what is accentuated and what is not, Uncle Ben’s murderer, The Sandman, barely even rates a mention in the international trailer whereas, in the domestic one, Ben’s killer is afforded the weight of the entire feature with nary a mention of that tough man in black.

Surely this isn’t a GODZILLA issue; the tease that everyone wants but are denied until opening day to behold the craptacular behemoth that would sink its way back into the ocean with nary a whimper. The studio has released not only the transformation of Topher Grace into the destructive black beast but you get a look at the moves he has in mid-air and even a vampire-like smile, jagged canines and all, that is really a sight to behold. It was enough for me to even pause the damn trailer and wonder at the top shelf make-up job they did to get Grace moved over from pretty boy to downright creepy.

And, really, the crux of the issue is that this version of the trailer isn’t Sony’s latest entry into what American kids are getting amped up to see as they watch their twenty or so minutes of Coming Attractions before their Spring features. You’ve got to be a nerd like me and actually visit a site that is based in the UK and only then can you see this thing. The international audiences are rolling into this version with a plethora of dangers that the American trailer barely scratched. For the record, and in fairness in reporting, neither trailer deals with how Gwen Stacy factors into the mix. She will in a great way but there isn’t anything to really go off of. However, the international trailer tosses in a heaping helping of the many directions that this film is going to but why is the average American, at this stage of the game, only being led to believe that this is a film that deals with a black suit that gives Spider-Man new powers, the struggle he is going to have with Harry and the fight he’s going to have with Sandman by film’s end? (My honest opinion is that Haden Church is going to serve a near perfunctory role if this film is going to be juggling no less than seven major plot points but he may not. Perhaps he and Venom are going to be a super bad tag team with Harry eventually siding with Peter in a battle royale the likes of which have never been seen before! Probably not.)

As well, the wrong answer of “Maybe the studio just wasn’t quite ready with the effects to be put into the domestic trailer prior to its release” isn’t even accurate if any geek worth his table salt saw the workprint of the trailer where Venom was actually excised from its final cut. Hell, even that may have been deliberate but it doesn’t change the fact that limeys and everyone else in the not-so-free world is getting a pimp looking trailer while we’re left with Sand city and a partial air battle between Harry and Peter.

Back in black never looked so damn good.

MAGICIANS (2007)

Director: Andrew O’Connor
Cast:
Robert Webb, David Mitchell, Juliet Stevenson, Peter Capaldi
Release: May 18, 2007 (UK…Damn Limeys)
Synopsis:
From the team behind the hit UK TV series Peep Show comes this high concept comedy film about a magic double act who fall out when one is involved in an accident with a guillotine. The story follows the rivalry between the magician’s years later as they enter a major magic competition.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. Loved it.

After enduring the debate of what was better, THE ILLUSIONIST or THE PRESTIGE (It was PRESTIGE, by the way, in case you really would like to know), I knew the world could handle just one more movie dealing in the black arts. Too bad for me, though, that I would have to jaunt over to merry old England in order to be able and see it.

It’s moments like this that I wish some money grubbing exec-u-tard would come up with a way to capitalize on global distribution of films; I’m available for such a position if anyone cares to create the position for me. At the moment, though, all I can do is appreciate the marketing campaign for this film that looks and feels like a splendid time at the talkies.

“In the world”¦”

I would usually turn tail as soon as these words are spoken as, come on, am I really to believe that some dime store magicians really have a lock on the global art of making coins disappear before my eyes? No, but I erred on the side on irony as we make our way through the entertaining lives of two guys who are supposed to be partners, which makes their getting along at the beginning all the more foreboding for what’s to come, only to howl when these men committed the truest rendering of The Marie Antoinette as they lopped off their female assistant’s melon”¦accidentally.

We simply blaze through the rest of the exposition, the only real gripe I have is that we whip at an unbelievable pace through it all, when we come to where the crux of the action will take place: a magic-off, as it were.

These guys suck and it’s their pathetic natures that make this film appear so appealing; if you were to do a movie starring Gob, the hapless magician of Arrested Development, it would be far and away a fun film if only because you have a guy who believes he’s great when, in fact, it’s only his tenuous grasp on this notion that keeps him from packing it all in. And you get that with this trailer. As one dude comes up with a trick to be buried up to his neck in sand, assistants who are quite unstable, having the occasional reminder that your partner was the one who pulled the rope that beheaded your previous assistant and an old fart that has a trick where he makes lit cigarettes disappear by extinguishing them using his tongue.

“Shot my wand?”

“Kiss my ass.”

Using Electric Six’s “Gay Bar” as the frenetic musical backdrop for what these two protagonists are going through as they battle one another for supremacy on a scale that only they would care about is pitch perfect. The world doesn’t care, but these guys have the kind of heart that can be amusing, like Gob desperately trying to make a coin trick work. The comment that one of them makes to a woman who agrees to be his assistant when she says that lighting can’t strike twice and counters with, “Well, technically, it can”¦”

This is the kind of film I’d like to see when those in the UK get a chance to do so as well.

IRAQ IN FRAGMENTS (2007)

Director: James Longley
Release: Coming Soon In Limited Release
Synopsis: Iraq in Fragments illuminates post-war Iraq in three acts, building a picture of a country pulled in different directions by religion and ethnicity. Filmed in verité style with no scripted narration, the film explores the lives of ordinary Iraqis to illustrate and give background to larger trends in Iraqi society.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. Before we delve into this trailer, do me a favor and just give a passing glance at this news story right here: http://abcnews.go.com/International/wireStory?id=2922669

I’ll wait.

Now, keeping in mind that our same armed forces are preventing the wholesale detailing of what’s going on over in Iraq, check to see how many newspaper bureaus in America are keeping representatives over there on a 24/7 schedule, along with the reports from fellow journalists over there about what free speech means to guys in APCs with machine guns, and you get a pretty good starting point about how much you think you know of what’s going on within the boundaries of that volatile nation.

“The future of Iraq will be in three pieces”¦”

Talk about having Kurt Russell take a chair and sit on your windpipe to get your attention (Any TANGO AND CASH fans in the house?), this trailer opens with chaos only to compose itself ever briefly where we get a real weathered looking man giving us his opinion about where his country is going from where it is today.

We linger just long enough to see the awards this film garnered from the Sundance Film Festival, to say nothing of its Academy Award nomination, providing an excellent pivot point to establish its credibility with an audience.

What makes this trailer at least “feel” different from all the other trailers that have dealt with this Godforsaken war, lest you believe God is genuinely helping us in this effort at which point I’ll pray for YOUR soul, is that we’re not given a lot of explosive action to latch onto. Instead, and this is almost as terrifying, the tense string arrangement that plays underneath men and children going about their daily lives, an Iraqi policeman directing traffic in the open (I’m on edge as I think a bomb is going to go off at any moment) and an unseen man looks like he’s talking about resisting the very same occupiers that are just there to do their jobs and get home to their families.

It’s riveting.

“The movie is a quiet revelation.”

Yes. That’s exactly the kind of vibe this movie puts out. We seem to be following a young boy around the streets of some city, some place, but we also get views of people cheering in the streets with their flags held high, there seems to be some kind of meeting which no doubt concerns their future in Iraq, some masked men start beating one of their own and, by the end, you have zero idea why you’ve been as captivated as you have been.

Not a shot gets fired, not one bomb goes off, not one voiceover tells me why I should go spend my money on this movie. The visuals stand alone and it’s within these non-narrated pictures that I am able to just concentrate that these Iraqis are all just people, trying to do a job and make it home to their families.

DISTURBIA (2007)

Director: D.J. Caruso
Cast:
Shia LaBeouf, David Morse, Sarah Roemer, Carrie-Anne Moss
Release: April 13, 2007
Synopsis: After his father’s death, Kale (Shia LaBeouf) becomes sullen, withdrawn, and troubled – so much so that he finds himself under a court-ordered sentence of house arrest. His mother, Julie (Carrie-Anne Moss), works night and day to support herself and her son, only to be met with indifference and lethargy. The walls of his house begin to close in on Kale. He becomes a voyeur as his interests turn outside the windows of his suburban home towards those of his neighbors, one of which Kale begins to suspect is a serial killer. But, are his suspicions merely the product of cabin fever and his overactive imagination?

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Negative. I know I’ve made much of my “respek knuckles” admiration for Even Stevens.

This happy-happy feeling carries over to this trailer as I see that Shia Labeouf is not only making excellent strides to wiggle free of his child star image but with a movie like this you can’t help but at least feel that he’s at least not going to be seen at the local Midas dealership, installing mufflers singing, “Truuust the Miiidas touch.”

That said, however, I can go on and on about how many movies this flick is cribbing from in one way or another. From AMERICAN BEAUTY, GIRL NEXT DOOR, FRIGHT NIGHT, MEN AT WORK and REAR WINDOW there seems be a menudo soup-like dropping of all these things to make a full-length movie. I’m not so sure it works.

From the outset we get the clue that Shia did something to be placed on house arrest; it’s a pretty nice arrest, as well, because the suburban street he lives on seems awfully detached from any other suburban street I’ve ever lived on. This, I take it, is the point to making the absurd come to life, we’re in the land of make-believe.

“All Kale has is the window”¦”

So, Shia, pimpin’ out his ankle bracelet with a totally rad stickers, a skull and flames (Oooh!), decides to entertain himself by lecherously peeping into the lives of his neighbors. By the way, want to know when you’re living in the land of Not Real? You have a svelte honey sunbathing next door and another thin cutie who takes off her clothes in from of open windows. The closest thing I’ve come to that is a view into a house where my Midwest neighbors, who I think didn’t believe in the notion of moderation and exercise, motored down heaps of food every night. I didn’t even want there to be an open window anywhere near my field of vision.

But, Shia hit the lottery with all the cheatin’ and whorin’ on his block, and when he gets spied on by someone he was trying to watch the girl obviously sees no problem with coming on over, by herself, and taking part in the life of a human viewfinder. And, yeah, she’s good looking too.

So, fast forward through all this crap that the girl actually strikes up a relationship with this pervert, again, why couldn’t I have lived on this block, and we come up to a murder. See, when you’re a voyeur you are bound to look upon something that is usually reserved for dark rooms in basements and kill zones that comprise of crawl spaces in the attic. No, this shit goes down for the whole block to see in rather bright fluorescent lighting.

We then speed things up by Shia playing the part of Chicken Little, no one believing him (Oh noes!) about what he’s spied with his eyes, and motor right into everyone becoming a potential next victim for this guy who then takes out Shia’s buddy and lady friend.

Not even the quick clips at the end can make up for what appears to be a very crap story. I can’t even swallow the premise, much less wrap my head around what I am supposed to believe happens when a serial killer lives across the street and no one believes a witness who’s seen everything go down.

SPIDER-MAN 3 (2007)

Director: Sam Raimi
Cast: Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, James Franco, Thomas Haden Church, Topher Grace, Bryce Dallas Howard, Dylan Baker, Elizabeth Banks
Release: May 4, 2007
Synopsis: A lot of shi# goes down and that’s all you really need to know. Maybe we’ll even find out what happens to all that black and white webbing that’s stuck to the sides of buildings.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. This is an interesting case study of how domestic and international audiences are treated differently. It’s a wonder why this business is so bass ackwards and seeing this just makes one wonder why we’re not given the goods that every other market around the world where English isn’t even the primary language. It’s not about xenophobia, it’s about geeky jollies and our domestic denial of it from the studio.

The opening sequence is extended here where we’re actually allowed to linger a bit and get emotionally attached to Mary Jane and Peter; yeah it’s fake but, I’ll tell you what, that few moments between this pair makes all the difference. The love between these two is wonderfully established and it serves Gwen Stacy’s presence as a real threat later on. The domestic trailer simply glosses over all this pivotal pairing.

Um yeah, and when Peter confides in Aunt May that he’s going to ask Mary Jane to marry him we get a deeper sense of context for the ring that she gives him and he later loses in the air battle between him and Harry. The American trailer just shows us the ring wistfully as if were any other piece of jewelry. It’s not a coincidence that the moment we see the ring now it has more weight. Double kudos for the scene, silence, scene, silence editing for the moments of action between the two of them. Quite effective.

And the air battle! Those little green orbs that are to kill Peter and his quick comedic quip? In seconds we’re in the thick of what’s at stake for both of these men. Domestic trailer? Had all the power of a squirrel fart.

The symbiote’s liquid take-over of Spider-Man’s suit is much better represented here, certainly is a lot more fun watch as it makes its way all over his body, as even the moments where Peter questions its origins, with Dr. Connors’ summation of the black goo, that it amplifies aggression and that it likes Peter, is shockingly sharp and informative and puts to shame the trailer that I thought was the Alpha Beta of trailers just months ago.

The moment where the trailer REALLY kicks up to an 11 is where Peter stares into a mirror only to be met with the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it sinister visage of a howling Venom. It’s angry, it’s vicious and only gets better when he finally tries to get rid of the thing on his body. As Topher Grace not only realizes that Parker is the dark colored Spidey and a drip of Vengance Personified starts to engulf our real favorite actor to come out of That 70’s Show it is the full-blown display of Venom’s rage that gets my Godzilla bucking vote of Best Reveal for 2007. It’s phenomenally evocative and much better than the Sandman storyline in the domestic trailer that now feels awfully secondary to this threat. Oh, and Topher’s “Hey, Parker” as he briefly reveals his humanity, his vampire-colored eyes and teeth, body builder physique and all? Just sweet icing.

There’s more at stake here and even MJ’s admission about what it’s going to take to keep them together as a couple just humanizes this comic book movie even further. It’s the grounding of the most far-flung characters that has ever been stuffed into one picture (you got Sandman, Harry’s Goblin incarnation, Peter’s struggle with the black suit AND Venom) that should make this movie the one sequel to SPIDER-MAN 2 that could actually surpass the legend of the previous entries.

As to why this isn’t the trailer that we Americans are getting in order to get ready for what’s coming and why, as a studio, you would hold back on what you’re giving the domestic market is beyond my ken. I’m damn near insulted at what we were given weeks ago compared to this.

Regardless, THIS is the trailer that’s getting me in the mood to revisit my 5 year-old inner child.

Weekend Shopping Guide 4/6/07: Bedazzled

Filed under: Shopping Guides — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:40 am
weekendshopping.jpg

The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

There used to be a time on Comedy Central when you couldn’t hit the channel without catching what seemed like endless reruns of the original British edition of Whose Line Is It Anyway? (A&E, Not Rated, DVD-$49.95 SRP), the improv show that launched the careers of Ryan Stiles, Greg Proops, Colin Mochrie, Paul Merton, and many more before making its way across the pond. The first 2 seasons, uncut and uncensored (as you’ve never seen it on Comedy Central), are now available. That’s 29 episodes across 4 discs, as well as a behind-the-scenes interview with creators Dan Patterson & Mark Leveson. More, please!

 

I’ve had to content myself with a Region 2 edition for the past few years, but I’m happy to say the Fox has finally gifted Region 1 with a nicely pristine widescreen edition of one of the great comic flicks of all time, Bedazzled (Fox, Rated PG-13, DVD-$19.98 SRP). No, I’m not speaking of the rather hideous Brendan Fraser remake, but the Peter Cook/Dudley Moore original. Peter Cook’s turn as a modern devil out to claim the soul of a rather hapless, hopelessly smitten Faust (Moore) with a desire simply to win the heart of the clueless object of his affection, is a beautifully sly turn. The disc also features Pete & Dud on The Paul Ryan Show, another interview with the pair, the original theatrical trailer, and a conversation about the film with the director of the remake (and man who should have known better), Harold Ramis.

 

If previous seasons of Roseanne were button-pushing, then the sitcom’s 7th season (Starz Home Entertainment, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP) took a mallet to those buttons in a run that tackled pregnancy, abortion, nude neighbors, alcoholism, racial prejudice, dueling Beckys, a visit to Gilligan’s Island, and a gaggle of classic sitcom moms. The 4-disc set features all 25 episodes in their uncut glory (is it still too much to ask that they go back and fix the first season, that was released in its edited, syndicated form?).

 

 

Though flawed, one of my favorite sports flicks of all time – which is saying something, considering I care not for sport – is director Barry Levinson’s The Natural (Sony, Not Rated, DVD-$24.94 SRP). It’s probably just because it overflows with underdog cliches, is shot in old timey vision, features a great performance from Robert Redford, and has an iconic score by Randy Newman. And now, newly-remastered and featuring 15 additional minutes, we get a director’s cut via a 2-disc special edition, which also sports a video intro from Levinson and 6 in-depth retrospective featurettes.

 

Weird and wild and like a candle in the wind, Twin Peaks burned out extremely fast. From a landmark first season that paved the way for everything from Lost to Veronica Mars, it made the mistake of not knowing where to go when its central mystery came to a close. Judge or yourself with the release of the complete second season (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$ SRP), featuring all 22 episodes, fully remastered. Bonus features include brand new interviews with the cast and crew, as well as a complete set of Log Lady introductions.

 

At the end of last year, to little fanfare (and overshadowed by the release of a season of her eponymous sitcom), Roseanne Barr released a children’s DVD called Rockin’ With Roseanne: Calling All Kids! (Anchor Bay, Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP). It’s unfortunate that it went largely unnoticed, because it’s actually a fun, funny, music-filled disc that’s wonderfully reminiscent of the likes of Pee Wee’s Playhouse. All I know is that my 3 year-old nephew adored it, and I hope others discover this little hidden gem.

 

The original witchy woman gets a CD/DVD collection with Crystal Visions: The Very Best of Stevie Nicks (Reprise, $24.98 SRP). No you can light the incense, get out the scarves, and dance in the moonlight to “Edge of Seventeen” and then go watch the video.

 

 

It’s a feature-length outing for one of my favorite, underappreciated Cartoon Network series in Billy & Mandy’s Big Boogey Adventure (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP), which finds Billy, Mandy & Grim battling the Boogeyman. What’s not to love? The DVD features interviews and the original Bully Boogie short.

 

 

 

Dora continues her explorations with Boots in tow in another volume of Dora The Explorer that’s sure to delight my nephew. Shy Rainbow (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$16.99 SRP) collects 4 episodes, plus a Backyardigans music video.

 

 

 

The Etherian adventures of He-Man’s twin sister continue in the second volume of She-Ra: Season One (BCI, Not Rated, DVD-$48.98 SRP), featuring 33 episodes of Hordak-fighting 80’s cheese. The 6-disc set also features the second installment of the “Stories of She-Ra” documentary, an episode commentary with J. Michael Straczynski, animated storyboards, image galleries, and more.

 

 

Everyone’s favorite Tinseltown crew is back in the first set from the 3rd season of Entourage (HBO, Not Rated, DVD-$39.98 SRP), featuring 12 episodes full of sycophantic goodness and even better Ari rants. Vince is starring in Aquaman as Ari hits the rocks, and Drama eyes stardom on his own. The 3-disc set features a trio of audio commentaries and a featurette on the cast’s Vegas adventure.

 

 

Going in, I thought a film about the fascinating, sometimes equal parts Orwellian and Machiavellian founding of the CIA would be a home run – and there are many reasons to enjoy the portrait of the 30-year career of one of the Agency’s founders in The Good Shepherd (Universal, Rated R, DVD-$29.98 SRP). Sadly, the film is just… well… boring. It’s not the actors – Matt Damon, as founder Edward Wilson, is quite good – but it lacks any of the sense of drive and intrigue that should be there. Is it a disaster? Not in the least. Could it have been better? Yes. Bonus materials include 16 minutes of deleted scenes.

 

Those marvelously macabre critters return in the second volume of Happy Tree Friends first season (BCI, Not Rated, DVD-$14.98 SRP), featuring another 9 blood & irony filled segments, plus commentaries, storyboards, behind-the-scenes featurettes, and more.

 

 

 

 

While I found myself enjoying a good deal of the lowbrow Chappelle’s Show comedy of its first season, the second season of Mind of Mencia (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$26.99 SRP) is just a mess. Rarely funny, self-derivative (I’ll leave the other assessments of Mencia’s jokes to Joe Rogan), and just… well… boring. It’s a shame, and it makes me miss Dave Chappelle all the more. The 2-disc box set features all 14 episodes, plus deleted scenes, bloopers, outtakes, and more.

 

 

Long before the recent abysmal Robin Hood series hit the BBC, a much better representation of the tales of Hood and his Merry Men was to be found in the series Robin of Sherwood (Acorn, Not Rated, DVD-$59.99 SRP). A wonderful mix of history, myth, and a touch of magic, it’s a dynamic fusion that’s both engaging and adventurous (two things that the modern series sorely lacks). The 5-disc first set features all 13 episodes from series 1 & 2, plus commentaries on a trio of episodes, a pair of retrospective documentaries, a behind-the-scenes documentary, outtakes, and more.

 

I know there fans of Tom Goes To The Mayor (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$34.98 SRP) who have been positively salivating for the release of the complete series on DVD. I’m not one of them. After seeing the first few episodes, I became tired of what quickly settled into a very basic formula that just left me cold. Still, there are those of you out there who enjoy it – and this is for you. The 3-disc set features all 30 episodes, plus deleted scenes, behind-the-scenes featurettes, promos, the original TGTTM shorts, a tribute to Bob Odenkirk, and more.

 

So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

-Ken Plume

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QSE News: 4/6/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 5:07 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgFirstly today, the classic game show The Price Is Right will soon have a different host for the first time in 35 years.  Insiders claim that the producers have narrowed their choice of host down to five people, including George Hamilton, Mario Lopez and Mark Steins.  Current host Bob Barker has announced his retirement from the program and is expected to tape his final show in June, at which point he “won’t give a flying [EXPLETIVE DELETED] whether or not you spay or neuter your animals.”
  • Actor George Clooney reportedly paid a local Tobaccoville, North Carolina girl $20 for a glass of lemonade from a make-shift stand. When asked about the star’s generosity, the little girl was overhead saying “A lousy [EXPLETIVE DELETED] $20? That’s all Mr. Big Shot movie actor could afford? I’m really glad now that I pissed in that pitcher.”
  • Michael Jackson is reportedly taking legal action to stop a proposed auction of Jackson family memorabilia.  The auction, which is set to take place next month in Las Vegas, is listing 1,100 items from the family including the gold record from Thriller and a hand written lyric sheet to the Jackson 5’s hit song “ABC.”  Jackson is most upset about several personal items that are to be in the auction, including his expansive collection of Under-roos, several bottles of candy flavored wine and his original nose.
  • In a recent poll by SFX Magazine, 3000 voters picked the film Serenity as the best sci-fi film of all time, beating out the juggernaut film Star Wars.  Fans of the Star Wars movie are crying foul about the poll, though, saying that it was unfair of the magazine to have people rank the films after a screening of The Phantom Menace.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 4/6/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:37 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Our own Widgett Walls makes quite a fascinating point about the state of comic book cover-dom… (Thingamabob)
  • How ’bout a little bit from The Dana Carvey Show? (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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April 5, 2007

Music For The Masses: 4/5/07

Filed under: Columns,Music for the Masses — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:42 am
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Howdy, friends! It’s me, M.C. Did you miss me? I sure missed all of you. In fact, I was missing you more than Lance Armstrong misses his left nut. Okay, maybe not THAT much, but I did miss you and unlike Lance’s nut and more like a raging case of “hooker herpes,” I came back. “Back from what,” you ask? Why, back from a spring break filled with wild, exotic adventures and super hot babes”¦ assuming, of course, you substitute the terms “wild, exotic adventures” with “skiing” and “super hot babes” with “a Vaseline®-coated oven mit.” At any rate, I’m here and I’m dying to serve up another helping of Music for the Masses. This week, I check out the upcoming release from indie-fave and, because he knows Jenny Lewis, luckiest bastard alive, Bright Eyes and Double A falls in and out of love with the new one from Timbaland. Plus, R. Lee Ermey answers reader questions!! Sound like fun? Well, what do you say we find out?

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Bright Eyes

Album: Cassadaga

Sounds like: That one dream you had where Jeff Tweedy was giving Neil Young a hand job in the dirty rest room of an Arby’s while Emerson, Lake and Palmer played softly in the background. Oh, come on now”¦don’t act like you don’t remember THAT dream.

Question for you”¦any of you ever been to Nebraska? I mean, on purpose and not just on a dare or because the ONLY chick that would take you into her mouth went to school there? No? Well, don’t feel bad”¦I try to avoid that Godforsaken place and I live right next to the mother fucker. But hey, from what I hear, Nebraska is a rockin’, kick ass kind of place. *COUGH*

For instance, did you know that Nebraska is the birthplace of Kool-Aid® and it’s chief exports are natural gas, guys named “Chet,” soybeans, religious intolerance, “fear of change” and “Corno?”

corno 4-5-07

Yeah, baby”¦ ride that thing ’til it pops”¦

How about that the state flower is the Goldenrod and that the state motto is “Somebody Had To Eat It, Might As Well Have Been Dave?” No? Ever see a picture of Miss Nebraska?

m4m-model

Well, now you have.

Did you know that it’s against the law to sneeze, burp or fart in a Nebraska church? I shit you not. How about that they offer you the chance to have “The Beef State” emblazoned upon your “ILIKCOK” personalized license plate? Come on, now”¦I’m sure you’ve heard of their vaunted college football team, the Butt”¦ I mean, Corn Huskers?

husker 4-5-07

You hike it to me and I’ll take it deep to your tight end”¦

Okay”¦ how about the fact that Nebraska is the 16th largest state (in terms of square mileage) and has a population of 1,711,263 (as of 2000) with 1,711,261 of those people being certifiably “retarded” (the other 2 were just passing through the state at the time of the census on their way to Dubuque, IA). Seriously. According to Wikipedia, the governor of the fucking state is Corky from “Life Goes On”¦”

mayor 4-5-07

“I pledge to make Snak-Pak’s® the State Food!! YAY!!”

And you all know that Wikipedia is NEVER wrong. But, perhaps the most important thing about Nebraska is that it is the birthplace of Connor Oberst, or, as you may know him, lead singer and “creative force extraordinaire” behind the band Bright Eyes.

connor 4-5-07

Do not adjust your set”¦ he really is built like a “bobble-head” doll.

Now, contrary to the implication in the name, Bright Eyes is actually a band that consists, primarily, of Mr. Oberst on guitar, multi-instrumentalist/huge-cocked, uber-stud Mike Mogis and trumpet player Nate Walcot. Throw in some other artists/occasional sheep fuckers from the local, Omaha music scene (Jake Bellows on guitar, Anton Patzner on bass, Rachel Blumberg on drums and Kelsey Guerra on piano) to round things out and you have the Bright Eyes line-up that has brought you the seventh kick ass new studio disc, Cassadaga. Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the title of the disc refers to a community of “mediums” in Florida. Thought you’d like to know.

medium 4-5-07

I can foresee your character “unearthing” a very large bone”¦

Now, for you fans keeping score at home, this album isn’t much of a departure from Bright Eye’s previous catalog and is right in line with his I’m Wide Awake/It’s Morning disc. A little “folksy,” a little “bluesy,” a little “rock-y” and a whole lotta good. Hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fucking fix it. Know what I’m saying? Can you smell what I’m cooking? Of course, one thing I would have changed is Mr. Oberst’s, or as I like to call him, “Sparkle Tits,” penchant for starting off each disc with several minutes of random shit before actually getting to the music. Yeah”¦you can knock that shit off anytime now. Seriously, dude… I didn’t stea… I mean pick up this disc to hear some bullshit, transcendent artistic statement through interpretive noise. On the contrary, I picked it up to coax the co-ed living next to me with the dyed black hair, horned-rimmed glasses and blue and white stripped t-shirt to let me wear her like a feedbag.

The first “single,” if you can call it that because Sparkle Tits doesn’t release singles-he just makes songs “available to listen to,” “Four Winds,” with it’s blistering, anti-religious lyrics and simple melodies, proves out as one of the strongest tracks on the album. In fact, this is really all you need to gauge whether or not this disc is for you as the rest of the tracks follow suit. Long story short, if you dig that song, you’ll love this album more than Brad Delp loved to barbeque in the bathroom. If you hear the song and are instantly reminded of that obnoxious Poetry major that hung out at the coffee shop attracting all the chicks with his “emotion” and “wordiness” then. well, Linkin Park has a new one coming out soon so you better start saving up.

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Is it me or does he kinda look like K.D. Lang?

Overall, this is a tight piece of work from when of the best songwriters working today and if you give it a chance, I’m confident you’ll dig it. However, if you want more proof, bop on over to www.myspace.com/brighteyes and check some of the tracks out for yourself. Personally, I really like the moody “No One Would Riot For Less” with the hot-sounding back up singers. They make my naughty bits tingle. In fact, they’re tingling so much, I’m going to go now and have lusty sex with my new, mail order, Nebraska bride”¦

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hung4-m4m

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Oh Timbaland, I hardly knew ye. I’m serious, I really don’t know what you’ve done in the past. I vaguely remember the stuff that you did a long time ago with the blind, cartoon curmudgeon Mr. Magoo, and I know you make a decent pair of boots. Wait, what? Timbaland worked with the rapper Magoo, not the cartoon character? Oh and it’s TimbeRland that makes the boots? My bad. Just about the only thing that I really know about Timbaland is that he’s one of the hottest producer around and that his new album, this here Shock Value, has been one of the most anticipated hip-hopish albums of this young year. So I decided that I would check into the hype of it all and see what the big deal was. Apparently the big deal is an assload of guest stars, and really not much else.

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Just about everyone who’s big in music today was brought onto this album to help flesh out the tracks. Justin Timberlake? Check. Fall Out Boy? Yup, they’re there. Elton John? That’s a big 10-4, sailor. But while some of the guests really help the songs, like the track “Time” featuring She Wants Revenge, a lot of the guests seem to hurt the potential of the song. The beats and the flow of the album is decent, and when Timbaland cuts lose, the songs are really entertaining. Unfortunately, right about the time he does cut lose is when the “guest” steps in to give the song a little push. That’s where things go wrong. The emphasis on this album seems to be about making a great dance album, and if that’s what you’re into, then you’ll probably love this album. For me though, not so much.

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From what I’ve heard, Timbaland is damn good at what he does, and that is putting out music that people will buy. I’m sure that people will really dig this album, but I really wanted more of a straight up rap album. I didn’t get that. Now I’m a bit upset that I did get the album. Maybe I’ll sell it to a high school girl by telling her it’s got Justin Timberlake all over it. I just need to make sure it really is a girl and not Chris Mathews from “To Catch A Predator” again. I’m really starting to hate that guy.

flava2 4-5-07

10 QUESTIONS WITH”¦ R. LEE ERMEY

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You know, I have received a lot of pressure to do some interviews here at the site and, well, I gotta admit, I have DEFINITELY been entertaining the notion. Honestly, though? The thought of doing one makes me more nervous than a straight guy at a Scissor Sisters concert. I mean, what if I fuck something up or, even worse, ask some stupid, fucking questions? That would totally “Sanjaya””¦ by which I mean, “suck.” Fortunately, I have you, dear readers, and your never-ending stream of questions. So, what the fuck”¦ I’ll let you ask the questions and I’m going to let actor R. Lee Ermey give you the answers. Enjoy!

DarthBallSack24: One of my favorite bands is Bowling for Soup because they are from Texas and I am from Texas. Do you like Bowling for Soup? Do you like Pantera? If not, what band do you like?

R.L.E.: Holy dog shit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don’t look much like a steer to me, so that about narrows it down. Do you suck dicks? Are you a peter puffer?

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Bobloblaw32: Hey, R. Lee”¦I’m going to be married soon and I was wondering if you had any advice for what song we should play for the father/daughter dance?

R.L.E.: Your days of finger bangin’ Mary Jane Rotten Crotch through her pretty pink panties are OVER!!!

LarrysLongCableGuy: R. Lee yo. R U In 2 Fall Out Boi?

R.L.E.: Did your parents have any kids that lived? Boy I bet they regret that. You’re so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece. What’s your name, scumbag? Lawrence? Lawrence of Arabia? That name sounds like royalty. You royalty? You suck dicks? I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose! I don’t like the name Lawrence. Only F*****s and sailors are called Lawrence! From now on your name’s Private Pyle!

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Mr_Nice_Gaius: Hey there, Mr. Ermey. Do you like R & B? I’ve always been partial to the smooth sounds of Macy Gray, myself.

R.L.E.: What’s your name, scumbag? From now on your name’s Private snowball. You like that name? Well, here’s one more thing you’ll like, Private Snowball. They don’t serve watermelon and fried chicken on a daily basis in my mess hall.

HalfVader03: Who would win in a fight between Clone Troopers, Star Fleet Academy or the Cylons?

R.L.E.: God has a hard on for Marines, because we kill everything we see. He plays His games, we play ours. To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls. God was here before the marine corps, so you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the corps!

BendersShinyAss: My dad says that Led Zeppelin is the best band ever but I think it’s Fall Out Boy. Which one of us is right?

R.L.E.: Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who’s the slimy communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker who just signed his own death warrant?

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1PwN3DJ00: Dear Mr. Lee Ermey. Is it right to make fun of those less fortunate than ourselves? I mean I know this guy and he smells because his family can’t afford to pay the water bill. So I call him “Stinky Mike.” Seriously, he smells like poop. So anyway, is that cool, or should I stop?

R.L.E.: I bet you’re the kinda of guy to fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach around!

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“This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life.”

LeryJenkins2: Heya R. Lee, I’ve been thinking about converting to Buddhism. I’ve never really been into the whole Christian thing and I think those Buddhists have some really good ideas about life. What do you think?

R.L.E.: Why you little maggot, you make me want to vomit! You goddamned communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary, or I’m gonna stomp your guts out!

BillWestin76: Hey Mr. Ermey, I saw you in that movie. You know, the one where you played the gay guy. I thought that took a lot of guts.

R.L.E.: I’m gonna give you three seconds, exactly three fuckin’ seconds, to wipe that stupid lookin’ grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull fuck you!

ICutMyself: Dear Mr. Ermey. I cut myself. It’s the only way that I can let the darkness out. It’s the only thing that makes me feel good besides the new album from Fall Out Boy. I know it’s wrong, but I cant stop. What should I do?

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R.L.E: Were you born worthless, or did you have to work at it?

Real M.C.: Well, thanks for your time Mr. Ermey. Talk to you soon!

R.L.E.: Are you quitting on me?! Well, are you?! Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! Now! Move it! I’m going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo!

UPCOMING RELEASES… 4/10/07

ARTIST

TITLE

GENRE

BLONDE REDHEAD 23 ALT
EXIES, THE A MODERN WAY OF LIVING WITH TH ALT
KARNIVOOL THEMATA ALT
LOVE OF DIAGRAMS MOSAIC ALT
SHEARWATER PALO SANTO (EXPANDED EDITION) ALT
WITCH S HAT MASTERY OF THE STEEL ALT
33MILES 33MILES N/A
HELLYEAH HELLYEAH N/A
NATHAN KEY PRINCIPLES N/A
PATTY, SANDI FALLING FORWARD N/A
SEPTEMBER CRY FOR YOU N/A
WONDER PETS WONDER PETS N/A
WOW WOW WORSHIP (BLUE) N/A
YOUNGS, JENNY OWEN BATTEN THE HATCHES N/A
CLIENT HEARTLAND POP
MIG Mig POP
VEIRS, LAURA SALTBREAKERS POP
KONU CoCo Shack RAP
MAD DOG The Next Chapter RAP
BROTHER ALI THE UNDISPUTED TRUTH RAP
CAP D RETURN OF THE RENEGADE RAP
A WEATHER FEATHER TEST ROCK
ARMY OF ME CITIZEN ROCK
BLESSTHEFALL HIS LAST WALK ROCK
BOOK OF KNOTS, THE TRAINEATER ROCK
BRIGHT EYES CASSADAGA ROCK
CLOUD CULT THE MEANING OF 8 ROCK
COCOROSIE THE ADVENTURES OF GHOSTHORSE A ROCK
GOLDRUSH THE HEART IS THE PLACE ROCK
GRINDERMAN GRINDERMAN ROCK
GUSTER Satellite Ep ROCK
LIMBECK LIMBECK ROCK
MORLIX, GURF DIAMONDS TO DUST ROCK
MYSTERY JETS DIAMONDS IN THE DARK ROCK
NEKROMANTIX LIFE IS A GRAVE AND I DIG IT ROCK
NEW ATLANTIC THE STREETS, THE SOUNDS, AND T ROCK
PANTHERS THE TRICK ROCK
POEM ROCKET INVASION! ROCK
RHYS, GRUFF CANDYLION ROCK
ROSEBUDS, THE NIGHT OF THE FURIES ROCK
WIESE, JOHN SOFT PUNK ROCK
XBXRX WARS ROCK
BENJAMINS, The Chronicles Of The Garden State POP
HACRIDE Amoeba POP
KOLDBORN The Uncanny Valley POP
MORS PRINCIPIUM EST Liberation = Termination POP
PRETTY THINGS, The The Pretty Things POP
RHODES, Lou Beloved One POP
SNEAKY PETE Anthology POP
SPIDEY No One Since Carol POP
VAN MORRISON Blowin’ Your Mind POP

Well… there you have it folks. Until next week… keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!

Send your blow-up fuck sheep, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:

M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001

biker 4-5-07

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

Noctural Admissions: Movie Review – Grindhouse

Filed under: Columns,Nocturnal Admissions — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:51 am

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Grindhouse poster

Movie buffs often lose sight of this, but most people don’t know what’s going on in the cinema at any given moment. The public may be aware of a big, well-publicized film that everyone knows about, and they may have a vague notion of “that new movie with what’s his name in it,” but for them films are consumer items, used then disposed of.

This was brought home to me after seeing a screening of Grindhouse on Tuesday night and then running into someone and telling them excitedly that I just came from the film, only to have my auditor say, “What film is that?” They’d never heard of it. They weren’t aware, in fact, of any of the films opening the following Friday, nor of those that had opened in the previous weeks. The last movie this person had heard of opened last summer.

This incident rang an alarm bell. Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez, and the Weinstein Company are betting that there is a form of waking nostalgia for an era and type of filmmaking that is otherwise viewed as maudit by arbiters of official culture. I wonder, however, how big the market is for such a film beyond the sort of cultists who crowd into auditoria at the ComicCon. The filmmakers haven’t help their cause by calling the resultant work, a faux double bill with trailers for non-existant (yet) films and various teasers, Grindhouse, which is misleading. Eddie Muller’s book on the subject makes it clear that the term refers to theaters specializing in softcore exploitation erotica and taboo topics. The film might have been more accurately called Drive-In, except that perhaps that title might too closely evoke the film’s unlikely inspiration, Stanley Donen’s Movie Movie.

What will get lost in all the ballyhoo about the correctness of the term’s use, the length of the two movies together (after cuts, the film comes to about three hours and 10 minutes) as a marketing impediment, the level of its financial success, and whether or not Tarantino’s film represents a aesthetically regressive move is the actual nature of Tarantino’s achievement. What he has done is replicate in feel, look, and tone an actual drive in movie from the 1970s such as Swinging Cheerleaders. But the level of the mimicry doesn’t end just in its overexposed shots or the chick banter. Tarantino has gone on to conceive of a plot that is just as odd as some of the better more experimental ’70s drive in films. I’m thinking of films such as the explicitly acknowledged Vanishing Point as well as Two-Lane Blacktop, very odd narratives (and on a side note does anyone doubt that the reticent friendship between the two men in Two-Lane is echoed decades later in the equally if differently marvelous Way of the Gun?).

Grindhouse fire

More about Death Proof in a moment. First there is Planet Terror, Robert Rodriguez’s homage to Italian zombie movies and John Carpenter. This is a fine film, typical of some of Rodriguez’s earlier films such as The Faculty, which is multi-character driven suspense tales set at a rapid pace. Rodriguez does this sort of thing well, and though the film has funny parts it is not a parody or a satire on the genre, it is basically a straight zombie film. One feels like a curmudgeon for complaining that perhaps the film is set slightly below room temperature, that it could have enjoyed more sparkle and pizzazz. Planet Terror was mostly of interest to me because of Rose McGowan, whose remarkable face compels attention even when she isn’t the focus of the frame.

Grindhouse Rose

The fake trailers are also fun. Machete practically tells a whole story (one that sounds, oddly enough, a lot like Shooter). Werewolf Women of the SS looks exciting but there is a certain lack of clarity in the trailer. Don’t is funny, but only Eli Roth’s Thanksgiving really replicates a bad trailer for a bad movie, even down to the overuse of footage from just one or two scenes random scenes. The serial killer’s costume is subtly hilarious.

Grindhouse Kurt

Death Proof is probably going to strike most unsympathetic viewers as too talky and weird. The movie appears split in half, chronically two separate attacks by a car-wielding serial killer. But in fact it is using a variation on the Psycho effect. The real story is the second half; the first half is distracted by following a small group of really offensive people on a wild goose chase.

Grindhouse Ferlitas

That’s the other thing that unsympathetic viewers might find objectionable, that the group of three girls in the first half are mostly unpleasant. Sydney Tamiia Poitier as a careerist DJ is an unpleasant, self-absorbed, bossy “mean girl,” while Jordan Ladd’s character is a non-entity, a personality free follower. Only Vanessa Ferlito, set up as the “final girl,” has allure.

Grindhouse legs

It’s not that Tarantino gets these people wrong. On the contrary, he develops a whole world around them in just some 20 minutes. Their later interactions with and comments about Rose McGowan’s Pam, and vice versa, says a lot about the high school culture they all emerged from. But then the movie makes an abrupt plot turn; like the characters in Crash, the film’s serial killer has a thing for car wrecks. And then we have to compose ourselves and learn the dynamics of a whole new quartet of women.

But notice how different they are. As my colleague Kim Morgan has pointed out, Tarantino has laid out really precise differences between the two groups of women. In a sense, because of their hedonism and haughtiness, the first group deserved to die. Whereas the first group of girls were all about fucking hypergamously, to advance their careers or to get high or to sate their hedonism, the second group are professionals (two stunt women, a make up girl, and an actress) but mostly on a humbler tier, and their on set romances are realistic and comic (the actress’s boyfriend, a Rock lookalike, likes to watch her pee). These are nicer, more engaging women, and we don’t want to see them die.

Grindhouse Zoe

The point of the narrative thread is to get stunt woman Zoe in a death match with serial killer Stunt Man Mike. And it is one terrific car chase sequence. One of the best I’ve ever seen anyway. There are camera angles used here that you haven’t seen in a “car” scene since, say, Blowup, which, unpredictably, sets the gold standard on how to shoot a car in motion. Part of its power is that the car chase sequence is clearly mostly real and you admire its “redemption of physical reality.” This sequence is the “payoff” to average viewers for “enduring” all the talk. If Death Proof were a Roger Corman film, the rest of the movie would be window dressing built around this chase scene.

Grindhouse cars

But also note just how weird are all the things that have happened in this film, the strange way characters are introduced, the long seemingly pointless sequences. Note how close it is to a movie like Swinging Cheerleaders, and yet so far from it. When drive in movies were odd, it was because they were made in a hurry, or had budgetary problems, or because they were made by incompetent people, but occasionally it was because an occasional filmmaker, like a Larry Cohen, was using the relative

It should also be pointed out, because people might not notice this facet too amid all the hubbub, that Tarantino pulls a Soderbergh and acts as his own DP. This makes the framing and color tones of the shots doubly interesting. I doubt if he is going to be interview by American Cinematographer over this, so I’m guess that it is because he was having a hard time, or anticipated having a hard time explaining to a photographer just what he wanted in his film. You will also notice that the look of the film changes subtly between its first and second halves, the second part being more intentionally “polished,” another clue that the second group of girls is privileged by the filmmaker as worthy of life. In one shot, a Woody Allen Hannah and her Sisters shot set in a diner, you can see Stunt Man Mike in the background, at the counter eating something, but otherwise his presence is not indicated.

Grindhouse deleted

We’re probably going to get four DVDs out of this movie. A quick and dirty release this fall, with just one extra, a video interview with RR and Tarantino (and have you noticed how absent Rodriguez is from the publicity build up?), followed by a two disc special edition, and then each film sold on its own, perhaps with even more different extras, and with luck the full lapdance scene (there are two shots from the sequence in the second trailer). I welcome them all.

QSE News: 4/5/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:48 am
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgComic book writer Grant Morrison has been hired to write a film adaptation of the hit video game Area 51. Morrison says the plot will delve into the mysteries surrounding the top secret military installation and include several types of alien beings.  According to insiders, the aliens will have a classic yet eerie look to them, and will be based on actress Hilary Swank.
  • Actor Adam Sandler is set to star in a new Disney film called Bedtime Stories.  The film, about a man whose life gets weird when bedtime stories become real, is set to begin production this fall.  In related news, actor Rob Schnieder will finally get another job.
  • Halle Berry has received her own star on the Hollywood walk of fame. Berry became the 2,333rd celebrity to receive a star along the world famous walk way. Berry was scheduled to receive the star years ago but everyone felt that it was in the star’s best interest to wait until everyone forgot that she was in Catwoman, Swordfish, Bullworth, B*A*P*S, The Flinstones, Boomerang
  • Country singer Billy Joe Shaver is wanted by Texas police for allegedly shooting a man in a parking lot. We at QSE are glad to finally see country stars taking it to the next level and proving that even though they are rich white people from the south, they can still start some shit.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 4/5/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:41 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • There’s nothing like a “Little Swee’pea” to make the week go by in a flash… (Thingamabob)
  • BBC America inserts their head head up their own ass and manage to import all the wrong “best of British television” they can get their hands on. If they knew what they were doing, it would be less Hollyoaks and Lead Balloon (sorry, Jack – love ya, but it was a shit version of Curb Your Enthusiasm) and more shows like QI, Black Books, Ideal, and such… But they’re not smart. (Thingamabob)
  • How do you even try to find out you can do this? (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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April 4, 2007

Party Favors: Grinding The Night Away

Filed under: Columns,Joe Corey's Party Favors — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:30 am
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TRIBECA – A movie that lists me as the Associate Producer is making the festival rounds. On April 14, Moving Midway will be playing the Full Frame Documentary Film Festival in Durham, N.C.

I beg you fine citizens of Durham to not throw flowers at the screen when my name appears in the credits. It is hard to resist wanting to launch a bouquet of roses during such a beautiful moment. But I don’t want to make the rest of the filmmakers jealous at the love being shown just to me. Although polite applause is appreciated.

The other highlights of Full Frame should include D.A. Pennebaker showing Bob Dylan: 65: Revisited, Gonzo: The Life and Death of Hunter S. Thompson and the return of Martin Scorsese. Nothing tops the chance to chat with Albert Maysles. He has a few stories to share about Gimme Shelter. How close can you get to Hell’s Angel with a pool cue? Did Keith have his original blood that tour? Weren’t the Stones a better live act with Mick Taylor on guitar?

If you’re not in Durham and want to experience my name on the screen, pick up Shortbus. My name is listed with the Shortbusriders. I didn’t have anything to do with the production. Nor have I had any contact with director (and fellow army brat) John Cameron Mitchell.  This tribute to myself came from visiting the website. Don’t think you can spot me in the orgy room. That’s just an internet rumor. While there are no true small roles in films, if they aren’t shot in Cinemascope, my blossoming talent won’t fit. And in the privacy of your living room, feel free to throw flowers at my name.

WHERE’S PART 2?

Grindhouse is upon us. After all the hype and hysteria and dark tales from the ratings board, we’ll finally get to see what happens when Rodriguez and Tarantino team up for the fourth time.

But the troubling aspect of this project is that there’s no Grindhouse 2 in post-production eager to hit the theaters in late summer. How can Harvey and Bob hold back on greenlighting this into an instant series? Are they still stinging from Alien Love Triangle? Judging from the amount of crap that they’ve been dumping as exclusive rentals at Blockbuster, the brothers W need to crank out more than Prey 2. They need to start using the Grindhouse as a way to bring life back to escapist trash.

My suggestion is the follow up be done is a deep fried double feature follow up. The first film would pay tribute to the Legend of Boggy Creek series. Tribute might be too kind of a word. Those movies were the absolute pits for thrills and scares. If you have any fond memories of these movies, it better be because you got laid in the back of the station wagon while these borefests ruled the Drive-in.  My movie, Swamp Gas would be the more improved take on the swamp creature flicks. Three college kids are heading down to Florida for spring break when they take a detour to visit a roadside attraction dedicated to the Scubra, a half man, half nutria monster that supposedly roamed the nearby swamp. The boys continue on their way to spring break, but being a trio of losers decide to ditch being teased by drunk coed girls and return to the swamp. They want to have an adventure. They even hire a hot “Poke Salad Annie” gal to be their guide into the muck.  But things go insane when the boys discover various dark secrets about the Scubra. There’s scene where the Scubra attacks a Maxim shoot. Lots of muddy bikinis across the screen.

The second feature pays tribute to the greatest cine-trash genre: Women in jail. But not merely any jail, but a skanky, sweaty Southern jail. A sweet innocent girl on a bus trip out to see grandma gets stuck in a small Mayberry-esque town. She ends up getting lured into trouble by what she through was a fellow nice girl. She gets sentenced to the county work farm. Turns out that work on the farm isn’t meant to rehabilitate. It’s to sustain the local vice markets. No need to spell out too much of the plot other than group showers and cavity searches that will look even hotter on the DVD’s unrated cut. I want to make a women’s prison film that will harden Jess Franco’s nipples.

Don’t come see this doubleheader without a tanktop and a bottle of water. Cause the humidity is going to drip off the screen. And unlike Black Snake Moan these films will be Justin Timberlake-free!

NO LOVE

It would be nice if the Grindhouse guys would tip their hats a little bit more openly to Michael J. Weldon and his Psychotronic empire. For over 20 years, his Psychotronic Encyclopedia has been a sacred text for fans of cinema that doesn’t get shown during Oscar montages.

UNDERSTAND A PHRASE

When a sporting event claims to be “The Superbowl of….” that means the pre-game show lasts longer than the actual event.

LOOK AT US… A

This American Life on Showtime is captivating time on my TV. The show is kinda like a Errol Morris documentary except Ira Glass does the voiceover and there’s less talking straight to the camera. Maybe this show isn’t like an Errol Morris movie. Either way the show does a good job illustrating the tales previously told on NPR radio stations. The cloned bull has been my favorite episode – especially since it has scrotum damage. Ouch!!!

Ira Glass does come off as Mo Rocca’s cousin. These two need to take part in that Doppelganger project.

Maybe someday I’ll be able to tell the story of Anna and Ana to Ira. But I don’t know if America is ready for such a heartbreaking tale of summer weirdness.

COURT TV IS OUT OF ORDER

After attacking Court TV for running shows about lifeguards instead of trials, the channel has responded. By the end of the year, Court TV will be rebranded in order to “reflect” its new demographic. They want to attract a group called “real engagers” who enjoy watching “real-life stories and true characters.” Remember when a “real engager” was Johnny Depp as he tossed out rings to Winona Ryder and Sherilyn Fenn?

Basically the lack of a true freakish high profile court case and the rise of other channels that are willing to burn airtime on the celeb trials has destroyed Court TV’s audience. How many channels had live coverage of the Anna Nicole Smith corpse grab fiasco?

No word on what the folks at Time-Warner will call the “real engager” channel. My guess is Scalez! Cause that reflects the justice programming and yet is hip and now with that “z.” Or maybe Juztice TV.

REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS ANGRY?

Why is it disheartening to see Ice Cube in the Are We Done Yet? ads? Remember when he was a bad ass from Compton giving us the hood report? Remember when he joined Public Enemy on “Burn Hollywood Burn?” Ice Cube is now roasting in a film that screams, “Steve Martin was too busy to squirt this turd!”

SUGAR COATED LIES

Anyone else swallowing the study that kids today are being bombarded by ads for bad foods which is why they are fat? What? I’m shocked that kiddie TV programming is filled with ads for junk food. Why this has to be the first time in our nation’s history that this has happened.

Heaven forbid that the generation that contributed to this report remember that they were raised on sugar coated commercials. Does anyone recall how every cereal in the late ’60s was coated with “badness.” They didn’t merely have Sugar Crisp. That bear sold us Super Sugar Crisp.  Sugar Corn Pops, Sugar Smacks and Sugar Frosted Flakes were on the shelf. Visit theimaginaryworld.com/cbarch.html to see that today’s supermarket shelves are tame compared to the breakfast diet of decades ago. Fast Food ads have changed. Ronald McDonald pushes milk and apple slices to the active kiddies. There was no healthy foods being harvested in the old McDonaldland ads. And remember that the Grimace was evil back then. Junk foods sponsoring TV isn’t something that was launched while you pumped out your baby. Remember the Frito Bandito? He wasn’t stealing carrot sticks.

What’s sad is that these self-righteous scientists want to blame “junk food” for your kids, but they don’t seem to want to attack the “healthy food” that’s probably turning Junior into a blimp: corn. Check the labels and see how much of your drinks and foods contain corn syrup. When you were a kid, your soda didn’t have corn syrup. But now you’re sucking up corn like a heifer waiting for the first semi to the slaughterhouse. But where’s the publicity in attacking corn? Slinging mud at Spongebob gets you a few minutes with Katie Couric.

You know why your kids are fat? Because it’s not safe to let them outside. Fox News declares that rapists are lurking just outside your front porch ready to nab your child. If you let them play sports, odds are that a violent, drunk father will charge the wrestling mat and attack your kid. Dateline has let us know that it’s not safe to even let the kids go on the internet. What’s must you do to keep them safe? Put them on their asses in front of a TV set. If you want to avoid them from getting the “gimmes” for bad stuff, pick up DVDs of kid shows you enjoyed all those decades ago. There will be no marathon of ads interrupting H.R. Pufnsuf. If you want to keep your kids skinny, feed them gruel. It’s the secret of keeping a trim Oliver Twist shape.

What did happen to a generation that devoured Tutti-Fruiti Flavored Twinkles cereal? Where’s the science on them?

NEWS STUD FANTASIES

Did you know that the fastest growing fetish fiction involves Dateline reporter Chris Hansen? A lot of creepy folks are now sharing their daydreams about sneaking into a strange kitchen and discovering Chris Hansen. Most of the predator wannabes confess that they weren’t looking for a 13 year old girl that had emailed them on the internet. They knew that the fingers on the keys belonged to Hansen. Within a few minutes, the ties are off and they’re pouring Wesson oil all over their bodies and doing stuff that would upset Florence Henderson.

According to a news release from Glick University, Chris Hansen oriented homo-erotic fan fiction has passed Kirk and Spock beaming down each other.  Sources within NBC hint that Stone Phillips is jealous of Hansen’s lusty following.

STABLE BOY JR. SPEAKS

Here’s the lock pick for the Kentucky Derby: Bet on Scat Daddy to show – cause it just sounds dirty. Besides winning the Florida Derby, Scat Daddy was the biggest selling DVD of 2004 in Berlin. If only there were horses named Watersports Wonder and Cleveland Steamer, I’d have my Trifecta.

DORKS FROM THE EAST

Why is a marathon of Most Extreme Elimination Challenge the greatest way to zone out on a lazy evening? All my life, the teachers and pundits would ramble on about how smart the Japanese were. How they were so much better at math. How they were going to kick our lame American educated asses. But watching these hordes of Japanese folks get beaten senseless on a gameshow makes me feel just a little bit superior.

The episode where the contestants tried to compete in rubber monster outfits is my favorite. I nearly stopped breathing when the guy dressed as totem pole attempted to hop across a pond on rocks. Also the final challenge involved a group of Ultramen tossing boulders down a hill at the contestants. After a MXC marathon, I don’t need to completely fear the Japanese. I know that they can be stopped by having them charge head first through a locked door.

PREDICTION FOR RICKY

Now that Extras has wrapped up, what’s the next series for Ricky Gervais? I have a vision that he’ll create a show about a guy who does weekend road rallies in his Mini Cooper. It’ll focus on his dream of one day being able to actually finish a race. The comedy comes from his rivalry with his mother who actually wins on the circuit.

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 4/4/2007

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:37 am
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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • The Max Fleischer Studios teach audiences about those new fangled sound pictures… (Thingamabob)
  • The heavens have opened up and deposited a new episode of Jordan, Jesse GO! upon a grateful humanity… (Thingamabob)

Have a THINGAMABOB? Send it in!

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April 3, 2007

QSE News: 4/4/2007

Filed under: Columns,News — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:48 pm
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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgFox Television has cancelled its new show, The Wedding Bells, after only seven episodes.  The show, about a family of wedding planners, only managed to draw 4.5 million viewers during its run.  We here at QSE News want to condemn Fox for not giving this show the chance it deserved.  We never watched it, but we’re sure it was better than The War At Home.
  • Rock star and living skeleton Keith Richards has admitted to the British magazine NME that he once snorted the ashes of his cremated father.  According to Richards, he mixed the ashes with cocaine to make it more “palatable.”  When asked for comment, a relative of Richards stated that “it could have been worse.  I mean, he could have melted his dad in a spoon with some heroin and shot him into his [EXPLETIVE DELETED].”
  • A Swedish couple has failed in their attempt to name their new, baby girl “Metallica,” after their favorite heavy metal band.  Sweden’s tax agency, which is in charge of approving Swedish names, rejected the request because of its association with the band and because, as one official noted, “it’s an ugly name.”  However, the agency did give the couple permission to name their daughter after their second favorite metal act, Alabama Thunderpussy.
  • The TV show 7th Heaven will be airing its series finale on May 13th. The show, which is the longest running family drama on TV, centers around a Christian minister and his family dramas. Fans of the show are sad to see it leave the air but at the same time are a little relieved because the show hasn’t really been the same since the father/minister of the show sacrificed two if his daughters to Baal.
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That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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