FRED Entertainment

LIZARD LICK, N.C. – TruTV lies.

When the channel announced Lizard Lick Towing as part of its reality show lineup, the Party Favors called up to see if we could interview the stars. The Party Favors headquarters is based in Raleigh, North Carolina which is a short drive from the bustling intersection that is Lizard Lick. We were eager to promote a series that would show America the joy of living in the Sweet Spot of America (trademark pending). The fine folks at the channel and the show’s production company seemed eager to hook us up with Ron Shirley for a chat. But somehow things cooled off quick when they discovered we were pretty much spitting distance of the Lizard Lick Towing yard. They let my calls go to voice mail. Why the change of attitude? Was there a reason why they didn’t want to drum up a little support in their home market? I’ve been dissed by the best (I’m thinking of Michael K. Williams). It just comes with the territory.

Then the show came on and I realized the answer: Lizard Lick Towing is a massive fraud being flung at America. You know those people who swear the whole Moon Landing was faked on a soundstage? Lizard Lick Towing might as well be repo-ing cars on Mars. My entire area is being turned into a massive redneck fantasyland. How did I spot the fake nature of the show so quickly? Ron Shirley and Bobby Brantley have to repossess a car owned by a guy working at a tattoo parlor on Hillsborough Street. Things get nasty when the owner and his thug friends attack. It gets rough enough for ambulance to get called for a pick up. I was quite shocked to see such local violence depicted on TV. I immediately checked the news reports to find out when this incident occurred. But there was nothing. I wrote a news contact who works the crime beat and they reported back that the whole thing was staged. What? The City of Raleigh has spent millions to revitalize the Hillsborough Street area. They’ve changed up the roads, added rotaries and hired people to keep safe from undesirables. It’s across the street from NC State University. Yet as far as Lizard Lick Towing fans are concerned, it’s as dangerous as the Eight Mile neighborhood that’s home to Hardcore Pawn. There is publicity a city doesn’t need to buy with TV productions.

Another episode with major false depictions had Ron and Bobby get work being Ric Flair’s bodyguards. The Wrestling legend was coming to Raleigh for a “charity” event. Parts of this episode was filmed a few blocks from my house. First off, they have them going to Ric’s hotel. Ric stays at the snazziest of hotels when he comes to party in Raleigh. It’s a known fact. He met one of his wives at the also nearby North Raleigh Hilton. But the hotel Ron and Bobby visit seems a bit off. First thing is an establishing shot of Durham right near the ballpark where the Durham Bulls play. Why would the Nature Boy be in Durham for a Raleigh charity event? Who knows if it was really Durham or just an editor grabbing some b-roll? What matters is that the hotel is an office building with a few baggage carts littered about the main lobby. As a guy who works on reality shows, I applaud this ingenious move by the producers. Hotels are a pain in the ass to shoot inside. Guests keep wanting to check out and refusing to sign the model release. There’s way too much signage that requires clearance. Faking a hotel is a great solution. Since the scene features Bobby and Ron beating up two other security guards, they don’t need guests calling the cops. It’s just a touch of Hollywood magic. But this is supposed to be a reality show.

Under normal circumstances, there’s a plug for the charity for being so nice to let the production shoot at their event. The episode just calls it a charity without even saying what Ric wants stomped out with the support of fans. Maybe it was for people who were nearly getting hit in the head with metal chairs. Was there really a charity event? Ask yourself what are the odds that Ron and Bobby spot a car marked for repo in the parking lot? Naturally this leads to a fight and Ric Flair being ticked off that his charity event is being ruined by the two guys who have a show on TruTV and brought a camera crew to record the event. Ric had to sell less reality when he was in Raleigh making Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling episodes. What are the odds of getting into two fights in the same evening at a classy hotel and a charity event in my town? Zilch is the proper answer. According to Lizard Lick Towing, Raleigh is become a penal colony full of violent people who don’t like to pay for their cars. This show is more fake than Homeland which also shot in Raleigh.

Another episode had a massive fight on Raleigh’s Hillsborough Street that required an ambulance. For those unfamiliar with my fair city, they’ve paid millions over the last few years to beautify this historic road that cuts past NC State University (where Scotty McCreedy goes to school). And in a few minutes, Lizard Lick Towing turned it into the South’s version of Detroit’s Eight Mile. You know that saying that there’s no such thing as bad publicity? That was started by a bad publicist. Because this show really brings down the neighborhood worse than a Honda Civic on cinderblocks.
That’s not saying that Lizard Lick Towing isn’t a real company. Ron, Bobby and Amy Shirley work there. It’s a real company. It’s in the Yellow Pages. But the part of it you see on TV is about as real as an episode of Charles In Charge or Eastbound and Down. Ron wears those Bible inspired baseball jerseys, but he’s not witnessing to the truth to the TV world. It saddens me to see him play fast and loose with the town I call home.

Of course our state legislature hasn’t exactly been ridding America that we’re not a bunch of backwoods hicks. Their recent decrees to override science, institute a state religion and square dancing after passing voter suppression laws have been a ridicule bonanza for MSNBC, CNN and the Daily Show. I double anyone watching these reports would imagine North Carolina is the 10th largest state in the union and might end up in the #8 slot if these antics don’t derail growth. The only good thought is that between Lizard Lick towing and elected officials, we’ll still not top the crazy of Florida. But we’re coming after them with a truckload of Ernest T. Basses. Why would anyone want to locate their company in North Carolina knowing we’re a pack of toothless, meth loving, non-car paying hillbillies on the prowl for Ned Beatty?

Of course there’s no way to sue TruTV for massively lying to America about their fake programs. Their slogan is “Not Reality. Actuality.” Entertainment head Steve Koonin told the L.A. Times, “Notice we don’t say it’s reality. We call it actuality. This is our version of reality.” TruTV’s slogan is really a legal disclaimer. So those of us who have to be embarrassed by how Koonin and his ilk present our reality, we just have to suffer.

ROAST-LESS

Seems nobody stole my jokes for the James Franco Roast on Comedy Central. This is a good thing since it was the lamest roast yet. It was like an extension of his Oscar hosting except he got to sit down for most of it. Has anyone noticed that Andy Samberg didn’t really have any SNL characters outside of his not live musical moments? How is he going to survive with 22 minutes of playing a man-child cop? I’m predicting Brooklyn Nine-Nine is going to be the other half of Assy McGee.

PARTY FAVOR PARTY TIPS

Flair Bartending allows you to go beyond the basics taught during mixology classes. Scott Young is ready to transform you from someone who just pours liquor to the artist who entertains with their every move behind the bar. If you are the least bit curious as to what it takes to turn you into a 21st century Tom Cruise from Cocktail, buy and study this DVD set. Young puts you through over 7 hours of training and techniques. The key to his method is that this isn’t all about showboating. You’re not going to slow the drinks down if you follow his advice. You’re gonna impress customers with you moves and how fast it goes from your fingers into their throat. Are you ready to step up your game? Even if you just want to be a party bartender at your next big grilling, Young’s four part Flair training will help. There is a lot of practice involved. Flipping bottles of booze does require a bit of dexterity. You’re going to have to sweat to achieve perfection.

How to Be the Life of the Party is perfect for people who want to impress their Flair Bartender. Young is back with a big bag of tricks. Do you know how to balance an egg on its end? Can you stick a bottle to the wall? How can you light a match with one hand? Want to learn how to read minds? Scott Young is back to make you the do more than just drink and whine about Kardashians. He even breaks down various games you play with straws. Over the course of three hours, you’ll learn the secret of all those games people pulled on you. This is perfect for people eager to show off their mad skills while watching the football game at their favorite watering hole. You might want to skip a textbook purchase to get lessons that will matter to you for the rest of your life.

SCREAM FACTORY BLU-RAY REPORT

The Amityville Horror Trilogy brings back the reason why you should always question a too good to be believed real estate price. Why was the huge house with the “cool” attic windows going for a cheap rate in Amityville, New York? Was it a problem with termites? Was there a slight flooding issue? Did it have aluminum electrical wiring? Nope, it was because the previous occupants were slaughtered, an earlier owner was a devil worshipper and it might be right over an Indian burial ground. All three of these red flags never seem to appear on Zillow. Which is why James Brolin (Mr. Barbra Streisand) and Margot Kidder (Superman) buy the place thinking they got a bargain. What they got was a deal with the devil. This is normal for buying a house. They get a sense that something is wrong when a priestly Rod Steiger (In the Heat of the Night) attempts to bless the joint only to get violently ill. Flies begin to become a problem. There’s plumbing problems and holes in the walls that might be bleeding. Things not covered under a homeowner’s policy. Can the family save their house? How can they expect to unload on a bigger pair of rubes? Amityville Horror was a massive hit in 1979. If you adjust it for inflation, the movie made as much as Ironman 2. It was the crowning box office glory for American International Pictures. Naturally there had to be a sequel thus we get Amityville II: The Possession which goes back a homeowner. This is the story of the people who didn’t get to move out. Burt Young (Rocky) is the doomed slob who can’t grasp what’s going wrong in the house. Rutanya Alda is his wife. Once again a priest has issues blessing the house, but nobody sees that as a major warning sign like a foundation crack. It’s a harder film to watch since we know the sad fate of Burt Young and his family. While it wasn’t as big of a hit as the original, it didn’t stop them from making Amityville 3-D! The folks at Scream Factory bring both the 2-D and 3-D version to the Blu-ray. Be thrilled as Tony Roberts (Annie Hall) comes out of the screen as he’s scared out of his pants. Tony is a writer who thinks the whole Amityville Horror house is a crock. So he buys the place and investigates the supernatural and horrific stories. Guess what he discovers? That there are things more disturbing that a Home Owners Association. The 3-D effects are extra cheesy thanks to director Richard Fleischer (20,000 Leagues Under the Sea) play it up. At least he has a fine cast with Candy Clark (The Man Who Fell To Earth), Tess Harper (No Country For Old Men) and Meg Ryan. There are plenty of bonus features including commentary tracks with a parapsychologist and the author of Growing Up Haunted – A Ghostly Memoir). There’s a documentary about the first film with Brolin and Kidder giving their view of the massive hit. Candy Clark recounts her time in 3-D. The 1080p transfers of all the films make the house ready to move into. This is the perfect collection for people who were wondering why critics were comparing this series to The Conjuring.

Cockneys Vs. Zombies is a brand new film from England that brings to us two groups of people that are rather difficult to understand. The Cockney language seems devised to just confuse anyone who isn’t the speaker with constant slang. At least with zombies, you can occasionally make out a plea for brains. What do Cockney people even call brains? While a construction crew is demolishing property on the End of London, they knock in the door of a graveyard. The forgotten tomb is full of the living dead ready to bite and convert the locals. This turns into an all out zombie attack in the area. Seems hope exists only in the gangster-esque Alan Ford (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch). The big concern for the survivors is to get to a retirement home to save Richard Brier (Good Neighbors or The Good Life) and Honor Blackman (Goldfinger). This leads to the dream pursuit of a zombie going after an elderly guy using a walker. I’ve been waiting for such a moment and they do it so right here. This is a funny take on the zombie flick without losing its walking dead attitude. This is also Brier’s final film. He ought deserves a lot of respect as the TV father of the self-sufficiency movement. Hopefully he will move enough to escape the onslaught one last time. Bonus features include two audio commentaries, a behind the scenes special and a digital copy that can be downloaded until Sept 31, 2014.

John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness: Collector’s Edition is a religious spookfest from 1987. Donald Pleasence (Halloween) is a priest who receives a key and a dark secret from a dying priest. He and Victor Wong (Big Trouble In Little China) discover a mysterious substance inside an abandoned church. They immediately set out to investigate with a group of graduate students including Jameson Parker (Simon & Simon) and Lisa Blount (Needful Things). They must figure out what’s inside the sealed jar. Why does it have an effect on the homeless people wandering around the church. Can it truly rock a priest’s core religious beliefs? It’s got plenty of scares as the goo gets out and into the investigators. Plus you get to fear the sight of Alice Cooper holding a bike. There’s an audio commentary from John Carpenter. Fresh video interviews are provided with Carpenter and Cooper. The best is another installment from “Horror’s Haunted Grounds” with host Sean Clark taking us to the various locations. Turns out that the old church is now a theater. You can take in a show if you’re in Los Angeles. There’s even an Easter Egg.

George A. Romero’s Day of the Dead is the third installment of his zombie films A group of scientists and soldiers live in an underground facility as they attempt to figure out what is going on and is there a solution. One scientist is doing his best to retrain a zombie to become human again. But is there really any chance for these people deep in the Earth of escaping the undead? . After the sensations of Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead didn’t quite have that huge of an impact. But seemingly it is the film that has the largest impact on The Walking Dead. Tom Savini comes up with astounding effects once more. The bonus features let Romero set up the film better. “World’s End: The Legacy of Day of the Dead” is a nearly as long as the movie. The director talks about issues that cropped up with the budget be cut back. There’s also a commentary track featuring Romero, Savini, production designer Cletus Anderson and actress Lori Cardille. Savini breaks out his vintage footage of how the effects worked on the set. Scream Factory does their best to elevate Day of the Dead to its rightful place in zombie cinema.

Scanners II: The New Order & Scanners III: The Takeover are completely David Cronenberg free. Producer Pierre David made these without the director. They have little to do with the original film other than the concept of people that are Scanners and can blow up your head if they focus hard enough. Scanners II: The New Order has a young man (David Hewlett) move to the city to work as a vet intern. He can no longer control his scanner ability. During a robbery, he blows up the gunman’s head. This leads to him to helping out the cops. What cop doesn’t want a guy who can blow up heads during a stand-off? Can’t do ballistics on a brain wave. But it turns out his contact in the police force wants him to do more than fight crime. He sees the scanner as a fast track to take control of the town. Is the boy from the countryside able to realize he’s being used by a city slicker? Scanners III: The Takeover is a whole new set of scanner characters. A female scanner uses her abilities to takeover a company. She has serious ambition. The only person who can stop her is her brother. One of these siblings is going to blow up real good. Pierre Davis would later introduce us to the Scanner Cop series. These two titles were always poking out of the shelf at Videorama.

Psycho II: Collector’s Edition brings back Anthony Perkins in the role that made him a cinematic icon: Norman Bates. Decades after he went on a killing spree disguised as his mother, he’s released from the mental institution as sane. Can this be true? It is. Norman is returning home so he can run the Bates Motel once more. There are a lot of people who think he’s still nuts including Vera Miles. At first Norman has to work as a short order cook since Dennis Franz (NYPD Blue) is running the motel as a no tell motel. But things get confusing for him since he starts to get notes and phone calls from his mother. Is the old Norman back? Meg Tilly (Jennifer’s sister) tugs at Norman’s heartstrings. But can he really find a love greater than the one he had for his mom? There’s an audio commentary from screenwriter Tom Holland (who’d go on to make Fright Night) where he talks of reviving Norman Bates without Alfred Hitchcock being around. There’s the original electronic press kit with Anthony Perkins, Janet Leigh, Vera Mills and director Richard Franklin sounding exciting about spending another night in the Bates Motel. The Blu-ray brings out the detail of the old house.

Psycho III: Collector’s Edition brings us Anthony Perkins’ time in the director’s chair. Not to spoil Psycho II, but Norman Bates isn’t locked up. He’s back to his old hobby of stuffing animals while working the Bates Motel. Things seems slow until freelance journalist (Roberta Maxwell) blows into town wanting to do an article on the insanity defense. Norman isn’t too keen on spilling his secrets. Norman gets mixed up with an ex-nun (Diana Scarwid) who is dealing with the death of her mother superior. She relates with Norman which might not be a great thing. There are people who want to put Norman over the edge. Screenwriter Charles Edward Pogue gives a commentary about his time working with Perkins as an actor-director. There’s a video interview with Katt Shea (director of Poison Ivy) about minor role that just kept growing. Brinke Stevens discusses her body double performance. There’s also talk with Michael Westmore, the special effects wizards. While this film has its issues, it’s a lot more interesting than Gus Van Sant’s remake of Psycho. When is the last time you remembered Vince Vaughn thought he was Norman Bates?

BLU-RAY HEAVEN

Bates Motel: Season One takes us back to Norman Bates’ childhood when mother was a bit more mobile. When this series was first announced, it drew the normal reaction of “Is Hollywood all out of ideas?” Did someone jokingly say, “What about instead of Muppet Babies, we make Norman Bates Babies?” Thankfully the series isn’t a massive joke or a lame exercise in expanding a product line. The surprising power of the series is all thanks to mother (The Departed‘s Vera Farmiga). She’s a devoted single mother who only wants the best for her sons. Norman (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory‘s Freddie Highsmith)and his half-brother Dylan (Chloe‘s Max Thieriot) are a bit of handful. Max is the more troubled of the two. Neither of them are too happy when mom moves them from Arizona to White Pine Bay, Oregon. She has dreams of running a little motel and nothing is stopping her. Although the deal goes bad quick when the former owner drops by to sexually attack her. Norman fights the guy off and mom delivers the finishing blow. It’s rather touching how they turn homicide into a family project. Norman finds a notebook of a psycho’s plans for his victims. Can he stop the guy? Or does this turn into a teachable moment? Later in the series Norman learns taxidermy from his girlfriend’s dad. That’s going to be a hobby that will stay with him for the rest of his life. They keep up the tension of Bates family adventures in the new town. Vera is the star of the show as she keeps her boy in line. The series did well on A&E so there will be another 10 episodes in 2014. The Blu-ray brings out the charm of the early days at the Bates Motel and the 1960s décor. The bonus features include deleted scenes and their panel at the Paley Center. An extra bonus is postcards featuring a few of the sketches featured in Jiao’s notebook.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Movie: Collector’s Edition allows the world to see Crow T. Robot in 1080p. That’s right, this is your only real chance to see the Satellite of Love and Deep 13 in high definition since the original TV series was made in standard def. This was the cinema event of 1996 when you could go to a movie theater to see a movie about people sitting in a movie theater watching a different movie. It was a Meta-movie experience. The movie allowed Mike, Crow, Tom Servo Gypsy and Dr. Forrester to be bigger than life instead of their bigger than your TV set normal. Dr. Forrester is extra brutal in his cinematic torture this time around. He forces Mike and the Bots to watch This Island Earth. While some hail this as a science fiction classic, it’s rather dull in major parts. There’s a lot of action involving putting together various electronic devices in order to talk to aliens. This is about as exciting as hanging out at a Radio Shack on Wednesday night. This also gives them plenty of time to make quips. The best involve barely in the film Russell Johnson. They jab at his future gig on Gilligan’s Island as the Professor. There’s a lot more ship action since they can afford to go beyond the single shot Cambot moments. There’s a bit of excitement as the Satellite of Love nails the Hubble Space Telescope. And there’s a sneaking fear that this might be the film that finally destroys Mike and the Bots. Unlike the earlier barebones editions, the collector’s edition Blu-ray + DVD Combo Pack gives the full details and context of the movie. There’s the original supped up electronic media kit that went into cool video effects overdrive. There’s documentaries about Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Movie and This Island Earth so you can become educated on both the movie and the movie within the movie. It’s a story of frustration for MST3K The Movie, but what it ultimately did was allow the show to stay together while making the change from Comedy Central to SciFi Channel. What really matters is that you can bask in the glow of a 1080p Crow T. Robot. Just a shame TV’s Frank didn’t stick around so we could see his hair with such resolution.

Suddenly is a major thriller from Uwe Boll. The man who gave us Postal and Bloodrayne doesn’t have the greatest of reputations. He knows how to crank out films which often isn’t a good thing. This time he has Ray Liotta (Goodfellas) around to make this rather far-fetched story entertaining. Ray’s a former war hero who couldn’t handle the attention or recover from his time in battle. He’s become a drunk in a small town which isn’t good for his career as a cop. However he can’t get fired because the president is about to visit. Also visiting the town are a few strangers claiming to be secret service men. But are they? The only person who can save the president’s life is the barely sober Ray since nobody wants to believe that a sweet town can be a deathtrap. Michael Pare (Streets of Fire and Eddie and the Cruisers) is tangled in the plot. No matter how outlandish elements get, Ray keeps it interesting. This is the kinda of film that doesn’t make me want to fight Uwe Boll.

VINEGAR SYNDROME

The Doll Squad w/ Mission: Killfast is a high definition double feature of Ted V. Mikels movies on Blu-ray. Ted is a guy known for making movies with his harem of lovers. He also has an amazing mustache. He tried his hardest to make action films on a shoestring budget. He ultimately paved the way for Andy Sidaris to find an audience eager for more films featuring hot heroines and nearly macho guys. The Doll Squad is rumored (by Ted) to have inspired Charlie’s Angels. It’s not exactly about three women who have to quit being cops to get the respect as private investigators. But when a senator and a CIA agent are being blackmailed by an evil organizations, they call The Doll Squad led by Sabrina Kincaid (Francine York). Sabrina was Kate Jackson’s name. She attempts to put her team together, but someone is following her and killing her contacts. There must be a mole in the organization leaking out the information. There’s a lot of serious action and superimposed explosions to save on the cost of blowing stuff up. The best effect is Tura Satana from Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!. She knows how to look fierce on the big screen. Mission: Killfast was released in 1991, but the production screams an early ’80s shoot. Nuclear detonators are stolen and there’s only one man who can save the world: Tiger Yang! He’s Ted’s answer to Chuck Norris except with a haircut as deadly as his fists. Tiger has retired from international intrigue to focus on his black belt classes. But he can’t resist his country’s call. The key to getting back the detonators is a blue magazine. This is the perfect excuse to combine kung fu with a little topless action. There’s quite a few bonus features including Ted commenting on Doll Squad and a video interview with Ted about Mission: Killfast. Francine York talks about her time leading the Squad. A vintage trailer for Doll pumps up the action. The jacket for the Blu-ray is reversible so you can make the box for the film that impresses you the most.

Good Luck Miss Wyckoff is an extremely classy exploitation epic revived on Blu-ray. The book was written by award winning playwright William Inge (Picnic). Polly Platt adapted the screenplay. Marvin Chomsky (Roots) directed Anne Haywood (The Fox) as the virgin teacher with an issue. Anne teaches at a Kansas college and lives with several other teachers at a bordering house. She doesn’t feel right and her doctor (The Man From U.N.C.L.E.‘s Robert Vaughn) tells her it’s early onset menopause. Basically if she’s not using it, her uterus doesn’t want to stick around. He sends her off to a shrink (Prince of Darkness‘s Donald Pleasance) to get help. He wants her to open up so that she can have a sexual desire. She seems on track to hook up with Earl Holliman (Police Woman). Unfortunately that doesn’t work out. Instead things go really weird with a black student (John Lafayette) who is on the football team, but must also work as a janitor to get his scholarship. He knows she wants it, but is too repressed to act. You know that tender romance found in Bridges of Madison County? That’s not here. This is a non-romantic film. You’ll drop your jaw when he loses his jumpsuit. The scene where their relationship is exposed is an extreme moment that you won’t be seeing in 50 Shades of Grey since it’s that messed up. Even more disturbing is seeing Carolyn Jones (The Addams Family) dropping the N Bomb with utter disgust. This is not a sweet tale of those innocent bygone days. It’s Unhappy Days for Miss Wyckoff. It’s a film that brings back that time when filmmakers were unflinching. The bonus features include a cut of the film from when it was reissued as The Sin. There’s also trailers, TV spots and a photo gallery. While actress Shirley Knight isn’t in the movie, she does talk about William Inge. Vinegar Syndrome has given a deluxe treatment to the movie with a Blu-ray, DVD and the soundtrack on a CD. The image looks great on the Blu-ray. You’ll be able to really absorb the detail of Miss Wyckoff’s plight.

Drive-In Collection: The Sexualist & Wendy’s Palace is a Kemal Horulu double feature straight from a sleazy Time Square cinema in the early ’70s. The Sexualist is a rather arty kind of movie for an X-rated flick. A hippie filmmaker and his chubby backer are making a film about astrological positions. They’re looking to be a touch of adult education in their hot action. Although beyond the plot is the arrival of a gay gorilla. It’s a rather gruesome ape suit on the guy that many viewers will find rather distracting. The comedy focuses on how unsuccessful the director has been in the past. But this one is going to be the hit that will make his pal’s $3,000 investment pay big returns. Or will it? The ladies in the film include Tina Russell, Barbara Benner and Jennifer Welles. Besides the trailer, they found five minutes of outtakes. This proves that some film was left on the editing room floor. Wendy’s Palace is about a hooker eager to move up the whore ladder. After getting busted while hustling in front of a sign for Hello Dolly, Wendy (Mary Poey) sets up a bordello. In a bit of a twist, the vice cop wants to hook up with her both professionally and emotionally. Can she make it in business and love in the Big Apple? There’s some sharp footage of Times Square from 1970 in the film. Check out the marquee for Patton. There’s a trailer for the movie. If you’ve ever been slightly curious about these kind of movies, this is a fine collection since Vinegar Syndrome has the transfer looking great. The fleshtones look fleshy instead of like a bunch of sunburned bodies.

Drive-In Collection: Blood Thirst & The Thirsty Dead is a combo that doesn’t come with a large drink. Blood Thirst has a series of bizarre murders taking place around Manila. Women are being strung up and bled out. The cop on the case is Vic Diaz (The Big Bird Cage). He’s not afraid to call up Adam Rourke (Robert Winston), an authority on sex crimes. He wants to solve a case and not merely make his career. Who is behind the vampire killings? It might be tied to Yvonne Nielson, a belly dancer who wants to shake the blood into Rourke’s midsection. Winston’s not a bad actor, but his career ended on this film that took nearly six years to get released on the low level theater circuit. The real star of the movie is the tailor who made the impressive business suits. The black and white photography adds to the attitude. The Thirsty Dead has another blood sucking cult on the loose of the streets of Manila. Guess who plays a cop in this film? How about Vic Diaz? He’s not given as big of role even with his experience tracking down blood suckers in the land of Marcos. Why are women being abducted off the streets of Manila? Because somewhere outside the city is a cult that stays young thanks to drinking blood. Things go bad when a cult member falls in love with his food. Can love overcome everything? It’s a fine Vic Diaz double feature.

Drive-In Collection: Death Force & Vampire Hookers come from Cirio H. Santiago, the Filipino Roger Corman. While he made a quite a few films that were distributed by Roger’s New World, Cirio had other that went to other independent distributors. Death Force is an epic for Cirio as it is nearly two hours long. Leon Isaac Kennedy and his two army buddies scheme to steal a fortune in gold from the Philippines. The robbery goes off without a hitch until the duo turn on Kennedy. He ends up stuck on a remote island with two Japanese soldiers. They help him recover and train him in the art of the samurai. Kennedy has to return to Los Angeles to hook up with his woman (Battlestar Galactica‘s Jayne Kennedy) and gets piece of revenge on his two army buddies. Keep your eyes open wide to spot Vic Diaz. He ought to get a lifetime Oscar for all his work in these movies. Vic’s even in Vampire Hookers. The big star is John Carradine (House of Dracula). He’s an undead pimp whose ladies go out at night to seduce U.S. sailors for a coffin party. He loves to quote literature before baring his fangs. Vic is a pansexual blood sucker. Carradine appears to be enjoying himself around his young female vampires. The sets appear to have been stolen from a junior high school’s production of Dracula. It’s a bit of a hoot with more Manila based vampire action. You can’t resist a film with a theme song that declares, “They’re vampire hookers/Blood isn’t all they suck.” This time Vic Diaz is on the other side of the neck. There’s a red band trailer for Vampire Hookers.

THE DVD SHELF

Elementary: The First Season reimagines Sherlock Holmes as a recovering drug addict living in America. Jonny Lee Miller is perfectly cast as Holmes since he’s a guy who looks pretty smart, but at the same time has the stare that lets you know he liked to party hard. The guy was Angelina Jolie’s first wife when she wasn’t playing the noble cause cards. The producers wisely landed Lucy Liu as the sensible Dr. Watson role. She’s one of the few actresses who have the power to say, “I’m not putting up with your crap” with the smallest of gestures. The 24 episodes of the first season have her arriving at Holmes’ apartment as a hired sober living companion. She’s not prepared for him or his messy life. But amongst the clutter, is a mind that can put together clues and solve crimes. His occupation is consultant with the police on seriously twisted cases. Besides the obvious bad guys, Holmes must battle with his own desires and demons. It’s easy to see him wanting to get messed up so that his brain can shutdown for a little break. He has an ex-lover driving him nuts. Towards the end of the season he finally gets a major rival with the arrival of Moriarty. This was one of the new shows from last season that was avid viewing because of the give and go between Miller and Liu. The bonus features include a feature about updating the character and a tour of the sets from Liu. They even toss in the webisodes.

The Haunting of Helena will make your children fear losing a single tooth. A single mother and her young daughter move into a new house. Things seem great until the daughter loses her first baby tooth. Instead being happy at getting a quarter under her pillow, she talks about a mysterious visitor who doesn’t completely sound like the tooth fairy. It’s not a cute little character with wings, glitter and a wand. There’s a gruesome element to the visits. Helena is an effective Italian spooker. It’s tempting to show this movie to the kid when she whines that somehow the tooth fairy didn’t leave enough for her old molars.

Hallmark Channel Movie Double Feature: Meddling Mom & The Sweeter Side of Life contains two tales of the troubles of relationships when others get involved. Meddling Mom lets Sonia Braga (Kiss of the Spider Woman) help her daughter get married. Except the daughter doesn’t need that much help. The career minded daughter finally finds a guy who might be the one. But mom is in no mood to wait for true love to take its course. She wants a wedding soon. The Sweeter Side of Life reminds us of the painful taste of a nasty prenup. Kathryn Morris (Cold Case) finds her husband not merely dumping her, but destroying her financially thanks to that marriage contract. Things get so bad that she has to move to New Jersey. But she refuses to be defeated. Can her baking skills keep her from becoming a background extra on The Real Housewives of New Jersey? The real joy of the film comes in seeing James Best (Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane on The Dukes of Hazzard) in a big role. How come he doesn’t get a lifetime achievement award from SAG?

Grey’s Anatomy: Complete Ninth Season picks up with the cliffhanger that had a majority of the staff stuck inside a plane that was plummeting towards the ground. Instead of making this a minor event, the entire season is focused to the recovery of the doctors and the non-recovery of one of them. No need for me to spoil which character doesn’t make it through the first few episodes. One of the doctors does lose a limb. Another finds their marriage in jeopardy since it turns out their spouse signed off on going with the cheaper private plane charter company that had safety issues. One doctor needs an experimental surgery to restore his operating hands. Will anyone donate a major nerve? The whole hospital is in jeopardy of a massive lawsuit from the injured doctors. Grey’s gains a bit of narrative momentum with the focus on the wreck instead of merely who is having whose baby. There is still baby talk for longtime fans. The bonus features include bloopers and deleted scenes. The best is a feature on Jim Pickens, Jr. living the cowboy life. He’s got his own ranch and horses.

Ultra Q: The Complete Series is another moment of feeling like my childhood wasn’t as complete as it could have been. This series was the precursor to the legendary Ultraman. This almost the precursor to X-Files and Kolchak: The Night Stalker. A reporter, a pilot, his girlfriend, a scientist and a kid go zipping around Japan checking out monster incidents. They encounter massive giant monsters courtesy of Toho’s Godzilla collection. Why wasn’t this on TV in rotation with Ultraman and Space Giants? According to the sources, it was packaged for sale with Ultraman, but the US distributor just wanted to go Ultraman because Ultra Q was in black and white. This was in the late ’60s and it makes no sense. We were still enjoying Addam’s Family and The Munsters in black and white. Why wouldn’t we enjoy a repurposed Godzilla outfit that wasn’t in color? We were still monster mad kids in the summer of 1975. The show is rather good for being a TV version of a Toho production. If you like Godzilla and Gamera, you must embrace the glory of Ultra Q.

Lala-Oopsies: A Sew Magical Tale: The Movie is a story within the Lalaoopsy universe. This is a fantastical place beyond the already magical place. The film has a toy chest whimsy to the story about fairies and mermaids in a world that’s been stitched together. But this is not a simplicity life for the happy characters. There’s a massive crisis when the strawberry milk stops flowing. Like the spice in Dune, strawberry milk is the magic key to this world. The milk must flow! So the characters have to unclog the stream in a massive adventure. While this is called a movie, the running time is only 44 minutes long. This short running time should be a relief to parents wondering when they can get back to the football game. The bonus feature are two Lalaloopsy min adventures: “Too Close for Comfort” and “A Ruff Rescue.”

Delete is a movie and not an order to clear your hard drive. The Reelz channel mini-series envisions a future where an artificial intelligence creature takes control of the internet. It craves to shutdown humanity as it takes over defense systems. Has mankind become so reliant on computers that the world will be flung into anarchy and apocalypse? What is the solution? The big brains get together and come up with an attack plan that’s like fighting fire with fire. Although there’s a chance the entire thing will backfire and we’ll be slaves to our cyber overlords. There are a few stars in the production including Seth Green (Robot Chicken), Gill Bellows (Ally McBeal) and Matt Frewer (Max Headroom). This is a bit more cerebral than Ghost Shark on the SyFy channel. Delete on the DVD is the extended version so there’s a bit more crisis moments. The bonus features include interviews with the cast and crew.

WINSTON-SALEM – I got a bone to pick with James Franco. A few months back he was having auditions for a movie he was making near my country estate. I can’t remember the name or the real plot. All that mattered was that Emilia Clarke was supposed to be playing a stripper. That’s right, the Mother of Dragons, Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones was going to be dropping her top to earn her money.

How could I let such an opportunity pass me by? I immediately decided to audition for the role of Tater, the assistant manager at the strip joint. This was the role I was born to play. I had been researching it for years. Every dollar I gave was to a stripper was to understand the character. It had nothing to do with carnal urges. It was all for art. So I put together an audition tape and had it ready to send to Mr. Oscar host. You will all agree that it shows off my thespian skills honed at the North Carolina School of the Arts when I studied with Danny McBride.

You must admit that this is the kind of audition that casting directors will be showing all their students as a way to hone their craft. The part was mine. I had already been pricing ski boots for Sundance. I was already imaging the tabloids going nuts with rumors of Emilia and my love affair. We’d be the next Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. Although it’d more like them played by Lindsay Lohan and Mr. Fantastic in the Lifetime movie.

Then the fantasy died quick and swift. James Franco canceled the auditions and ceased any preproduction in Winston-Salem. It was over. My tangled affair with the Mother of Dragons had been nipped in the bud. My Cannes and Sundance awards stripped. What could I do? Well once they announced James Franco was their celebrity roast, I had a route for revenge.

The following are jokes that Carlos Mencia or Jonah Hill can steal for use on the stage. I don’t want your money. Just make sure if James Franco cries from shame, I get half of his tears.

James Franco, don’t’ think of this as a roast, but merely me trying to get back the 102 minutes of my life you stole with Your Highness.

James Franco, if you’re so famous, why aren’t you impregnating a Kardashian? Or is Bruce Jenner carrying your baby?

How does it feel to be the Jar-Jar Binks of Oscar hosts?

People think that you’re too young for such an honor. Well these people must not know that you started acting way back in the 20th Century.

In case you were wondering about the drug dogs sniffing you on the way in and agents who confiscated your party supplies, they weren’t DEA. It’s just how James replenishes his stash.

James Franco’s big breakout performance was playing James Dean. Now you look like a roll of Jimmy Dean sausage.

When James Franco came to Hollywood, he told his agent he wanted a role with balls. This led to an audition for the movie Castaway . James craved the role of Wilson. Sadly he lost to another airhead that let the producer blow him.

James, they canceled Freaks and Greeks 15 years ago so you can stop playing Daniel.

I was shocked when Freaks and Geeks got canceled. I was a major Geekazoid? Freaknick? I have such fond memories about how you almost hooked up with Angela. (Pause to realize wrong show.) That wasn’t your show? How about the time you opened a mall store with Mr. Belding? Not you? What about the time you and Dylan shaved your sideburns? You didn’t bootleg the Doobie Brothers concert with Rerun? Did you at least sing a Journey song?

It’s a shame Netflix doesn’t bring back Freaks and Geeks. You guys are still younger than the cast of Glee and all alive.

Anthony Jeselnik, I caught your show. Little did I know that James Franco has turned it into his latest film: As I Lay Dying.

Shame James Franco didn’t make William Faulkner’s Sanctuary. You’d make an Oscar-worthy corncob. (Wait a beat.) What? No Southern Lit majors in the house tonight?

(Stewardess comes out and offers James Franco a blanket and tiny pillow). The captain thought you might need these.

James, it’s great you brought your husband Seth Rogen to share this special occasion. What? You’re not married? Please. You two put Mr. Sulu and his husband to shame.

It’s not a bromance if you break out the lube.

When’s Milk 2 coming out?

James, you claim you’re not gay. But here’s a little test to determine your orientation. If you’ve ever wondered about the missing guy-on-guy sex scenes in Al Pacino’s Cruisin’ so much that you made a movie recreating them; you just might be not that straight. I learned that from Jeff Queerworthy.
James, Franco, I so want to blow you right now. I’m not gay. I just need the THC. I’m feeling nauseous as I think of your film career.

I don’t care if about your sexual orientation, but Andy Dick fears you cock blocking him in the bathroom.

When Pineapple Express came out, the critics called you the next Cheech and Chong. Really? You guys wish you were the next Rae Dawn Chong. (Pause.) What? No Commando fans in the house either?

What about your performance in Oz the Great and Powerful. You played a third rate talent with overinflated academic credentials out to con ticket buyers. Who said the hardest thing to do is play yourself?

Isn’t it ironic that you starred in Annapolis, the only college you’re not attending right now?
I was going to talk about your latest term paper, but…I…fell…asleep (snaps awake). The topic was “Why I’m an Exciting Person.”

Here’s a little SAT pop quiz. James Franco is to Judd Apatow’s Wit as Kermit the Frog is to Jim Henson’s… Fist.

A critic once said, “James Franco is Colin Farrell with a working shower.” Fooled him, didn’t you? James Franco proves you can make it in Hollywood without a comb and mirror.

James Franco understands what it’s like to grow up in the shadow of greatness. His grandfather’s Franco American! That means he gets paid every time you eat Spaghetti-Os. Sadly James receives no royalty when Andy Dick devours a beanie weenie.

Your co-stars from Rise of the Planet of the Apes couldn’t be here, but they sent you a special message. (Reach into rear pocket, pull out a fake monkey poop and fling it at James Franco).
James Franco claims he doesn’t smoke the evil marijuana. I told that to Willie Nelson and he said, (give big harsh exhale gasp).

(Person comes out dressed up in graduation gowns.) Diplomas for Mr. Franco! Diplomas for Mr. Franco!
It’s nice to know that an Oscar nominated serious actor views being roasted on Comedy Central is a great career move. You remember in the past when we roasted Streep, DeNiro, Pacino and Olivier? You now share an honor given to Pam Anderson, Hasselhoff, Shatner and Larry the Cable Guy. The good news is that you, James Franco have just punched your ticket for a Lifetime Original Movie: James Franco in The Amanada Bynes Story!

James likes to give back to the thespian community, but is very humble about it. He was the acting coach in Sharknado for the Hammerheads.

James Franco, who can forget your time on General Hospital? Now I feel guilty for reminding that person who was able to block out your time on General Hospital. Forgive me, Aunt Gertude!

We did our best to keep this a surprise, but I was able to arrange a little reunion with a special acting partner. Do you recognize this voice? (Silence.) Oh well. Let’s bring ’em out. (A girl comes out holding rubber right arm). He’s been extra busy working on hosting ESPN’s upcoming “One Armed Bandits Tourney.”

When you were making 127 Hours, did you start jerking off with your left hand in case you accidentally cut off your right arm?

When you made the low budget Spring Breakers, were you paid in grills or nookie?

James Franco is funding his next movie using Kickstarter. Shame you didn’t set up a Kickstarter so movie critics could donate to get you acting lessons.

James Franco was in the big hit Spider-Man. Proving he’s got a big brain, James can tell the difference between Tobey McGuire and Elijah Wood.

I’d say you’re a good sport for sitting through this, but I suspect you’re napping.

Feel the burn, James Franco!

SETH IS EVERYWHERE

Before he takes over the Late Show desk, Seth Meyers is sending fun to the computer on your desk. Here’s another installment of his series The Awesomes. You can watch other episodes on Hulu.

SCREAM IT OUT

This month brings three positively freaky Blu-rays from the fine folks at Scream Factory.
Dark Angel is best known in America as “I” Come In Peace. At least that’s how I remember the VHS box at Phar-Mor’s video rental section not to mention the kickass commercial that ran constantly on the late night slots for a month back in 1990. An alien arrives on Earth so that he can use humans to create a special drug. The supersized invader attacks with a flying circular saw blade that won’t stop till heads are popped. There’s only one man that can save the world from this menace: Dolph Lundgren (Rocky IV). Of course Dolph can’t do it alone. He gets stuck with Brian Benben (Dream On), an uptight FBI agent who won’t bend the rules. The duo get minor assistance from an intergalactic cop played by Jay Bilas. That’s right, the former Duke basketball player and current ESPN commentator is an alien! But don’t get too attached to him. Dolph is amazing as the Houston cop who is out to kill the alien that waxed his previous partner. He’s brute force and yet has those touching intimate moments with his coroner girlfriend (Betsy Brantley). The movie is pure buddy cop kick ass greatness with exceptional stunt scenes for a low budget flick. The big bonus feature is interviews with director Craig R. Baxley, Dolph Lundgren and Brian Benben. They recount so much from their sci-fi buddy cop days on the streets of Houston. They almost seem ready to make a sequel. The Blu-ray transfer brings out the end of the ’80s colors and hairstyles. Jan Hammer did the soundtrack to give it a Miami Vice flair. For those who prefer to call the film “I” Come In Peace, the jacket is reversible with the classic VHS artwork.

Q The Winged Serpent brings together the finest elements of a monster movie and a ’70s New York City cop drama. What more can you want in a pair of buddy cops than Richard Roundtree (Shaft) and David Carradine (Kung Fu). The duo seem to be working on two different cases in Manhattan. Someone has been popping the heads off skyscraper window washers. There’s also another killer peeling the skin off their victims. Little do they know that the two might be tied together. Turns out there’s a winged lizard thing flapping around the Big Apple and dining on the denizens. Why is it there? You’ll have to ask the mysterious Aztec cult. Michael Moriarty is a small time crook who discovers the creature’s nest in the top of a building. He wants to use this information to go straight or at least get a fat reward if the mayor will play ball. Candy Clark (The Man Who Fell to Earth) is Moriarty’s girlfriend. Director Larry Cohen (It’s Alive) gives just the right tough of horror to a cop flick. The Ray Harryhausen-esque animated monster is a more solid special effect than anything in Sharknado. Even though the legendary Samuel Z. Arkoff produced the film, it was released after he sold American International Pictures. The distributor who picked up the film couldn’t give it the AIP magic. Q has a cult following thanks to write ups in ReSearch magazine. This Blu-ray ought to bring more people the joy of Aztecs unleashed on the Big Apple. Cohen provides an audio commentary which details his sneaky ways of shooting in Manhattan without permits.

Double Feature: X-Ray & Schizoid delves into why doctors and psychiatrists can be bad for your health. The two films were originally put out by Cannon films during their glory days. X-Ray sends Barbi Benton to the hospital to review her test results. You think sitting in the waiting room is murder, she’s got to deal with a homicidal maniac in the doctor’s office. He’s killing the staff as he isolates her deeper and deeper into the decrepit hospital building. Why? Is this the psycho who killed her friend nearly 20 years before? Or has a new nutjob found her? Barbi Benton is best known for being Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend when he was making the West Coast version of Playboy After Dark. This was back when Hef wasn’t only dating blonds. She does get to strip down during one scene. This film is supposed to be a horror flick, but there’s enough comic elements to make it seem like a spoof of slasher films. The killer wears a doctor’s mask that keeps going in and out like he’s blowing bubbles. An interview with director Boaz Davidson lets him confess that he wasn’t much for scares since his biggest hits were comedies. As a spoof, X-Ray is hilarious. Schizoid scares you right off the bat with the idea of people seeing Klaus Kinski (Aguirre: The Wrath of God) for mental help. That’s just seriously wrong. Things go wrong for members of his all-female group therapy session. Someone is killing them and teasing a local reporter with the murders. Among the suspects is Christopher Lloyd (Taxi. It’s a fun little piece about the harsh penalties for missing your sessions with the shrink. The bonus feature is Donna Wilkes remembering her time with Kinski. There’s a DVD with all the stuff on the Blu-ray in case you want to watch the movies while waiting in the doctor’s office.

BLU-RAY HEAVEN

Double Feature The Hot Spot & Killing Me Softly take us back to those thrilling days of erotic murders. This twin title gives us a trio of dazzling beauty of Heather Graham, Virginia Madsen and Jennifer Connelly. The Hot Spot is a film noir from Dennis Hopper. Don Johnson is a drifting kinda a guy who arrives in a hot Texas town. He quickly lands work as a car dealer. He knows how to sell the undercoating. He likes to tease office girl Connelly. But he’s got his hands full with the dealer’s frisky wife. While he likes the ladies, he’s fixated on robbing the local bank. He dreams of being able to pull off the heist and hit the road with his favorite gal. But can he really get his wishes? While Killing Me Softly isn’t nearly as good, it does feature Heather Graham (Boogie Nights) stripping down and getting wild with Joseph Fiennes. This is the unrated cut of the movie so you get all the goodness from her having fun with scarves. This is why I upgraded to Blu-ray. You get to see Jennifer Connelly and Heather Graham in their prime giving it a Cinemax After Dark worthy performance. Here’s the Italian version of the trailer so you can feel sophisticated.

The Borgias: The Final Season wraps up the tale of Pope Alexander VI and his cutthroat family. This wasn’t supposed to be the wrap up season, but that’s just the way it worked out since the ratings on Showtime weren’t quite Game of Thrones or Tudors level. The season starts off with the Pope recovering from a poisoning. Catherina Sforza is ready to finish off the family, but daughter Lucrezia must rise to the challenge since her brothers are busy. The Pope puts on a grand inquisition against the College of Cardinals. He’s not trusting anyone anymore. Why should he? One of the Cardinals steals a large amount of cash from the Vatican bank and covers his tracks by torching the vaults. The final episode does seem a bit like an ending with a family unification on the horizon. It was a good series and it’s a shame that it didn’t get the proper ending. Unlike Deadwood, fans won’t have to guess how it was going to end. The script for the unproduced two hour finale movie has been adapted to prose and can be downloaded as an e-book. The Blu-ray brings out the rich production values in massive sets and equally massive wardrobe. The bonus features include Borgia Bloopers and the first episode of Ray Donovan.

Graham Parker & The Rumour: This Is Live is the complete concert the reunited band played on the set of Judd Apatow’s This Is 40. Parker and his band are the natural rivals to Elvis Costello and the Attractions. While Elvis sported the nerdy glasses, Graham went cool with sunglasses to show he was serious business. Both were talented and gained a cult following. Parker busted up the band for a true solo career in 1980. The subplot about Paul Rudd’s character trying to reunite and revive the Rumour was like the only part of This Is 40 that I wanted to see, but supposedly the moment was rather swift in the film. But now you can enjoy the nearly hour long set without being distracted by Paul Rudd on the toilet. Graham and his old bandmates are in fine form after taking off over three decades. The set includes the classics “Local Girls” and “Protection.” The big focus is their reunion album Three Chords Good which sound as fine as their older material. It’s great to be able to enjoy the only great thing to come out of This Is 40 without getting bogged down in a plot. Did Apatow fake a whole movie so he could film this concert?

Star Trek Enterprise – Season Two finally brings the Klingons and Romulans to the series that imagined a time before Kirk was captain. The man who runs this early version of the legendary starship is Captain Archer (Quantum Leap‘s Scott Bakula). His science officer is the Vulcan T’Pol (Jolene Blalock). For the second season Rick Berman and Brannon Braga contribute to a lot of scripts. Season opens with “Shockwave, Part II.” Can Archer get back his ship from the Suliban? “Carbon Creek” is another time early space travel history. This time we learn of Vulcans that ended up roaming around the Earth during the 1950s. This could have been a great Happy Days crossover episode like when Mork tried to abduct Richie. “Minefield” introduces the Romulans to the humans. Sadly it’s because the Enterprise gets stuck on a cloaked Romulan mine. Can they escape unscathed? “Dead Stop” spoils that adventure since now Archer must repair the damaged ship. “A Night in Sickbay” makes Archer go nuts while waiting in the hospital unit. They must not have Angry Birds in the future. “Stigma” has T’Pol catch something that other Vulcans must avoid. This might ruin her career. Captain Archer gets busted by the Klingons in “Judgment.” He’s put on trial of conspiracy. Better call Saul! “Regeneration” defrosts the Borg that have been trapped in Arctic Ice. “Bounty” has the Klingons offering a price for the return of Archer. “The Expanse” pits the Enterprise against an alien probe that’s already killed millions of Earthlings. They better save the Earth else how will Kirk live? The 26 episodes are spread over 26 Blu-ray discs. The bonus features include Commentary by Michael Sussman and Phyllis Strong on “Dead Stop” and “Regeneration,” Text commentary by Michael Okuda and Denise Okuda on “Stigma” and “First Flight,” Enterprise moments: season 2, Enterprise profile: Jolene Blalock, Levar Burton: Star Trek director, Enterprise secrets, Inside “A Night in Sickbay, Outtakes, Photo gallery and Deleted scenes. This was the second of four seasons that ran on UPN. Remember that network? Oddly enough while it was a short run for the show, it was still longer than the original Star Trek.

My Little Pony: Equestria Girls turns Twilight Sparkle and her pony pals into humans. Not just humans, but teenagers in high school. This movie had a weekend release around the country a few months ago. The Blu-ray brings the fun home including a documentary about the movie, plenty of Karaoke action and a way to make yourself into a pony. There’s also a DVD and digital copy in the boxset. I can try to explain the movie, but I’d rather let a four year old girl breakdown what she liked about the film.

DVD SHELF

Ultimate Wolverine Vs. Hulk features the battle of the century between the Clawed Wonder and the Green Machine. The six part comic book caused a sensation with the no holds barred battle that lived up to the title. Lost co-creator Damon Lindelof puts two of the toughest comic book superheroes against each other without any pity shared between the two. Artist Leinil Francis Yu and colorist Dave McCraig bring the carnage to your eyes. Luckily their work is transformed by the Marvel Knights Animation process to put their dynamic comic book panels into motion. You can tell right away that this battle isn’t going to be a disappointment since it opens with Wolverine missing his legs. It seems that the execution of the Hulk by S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn’t that effective. Nick Fury hires Wolverine to track down and exterminate the Hulk one more time. Can he pull it off? This is better than Ric Flair vs. Ricky Steamboat. Hard to imagine a live action version being a blissfully brutal as what’s achieved in this animation of the original comics.

Perry Mason: Season 9, Volume 2 brings to an end the classic black and white legal series that still gets plenty of play after over half a century. Perry Mason (Ironsides‘ Raymond Burr) gets his final 15 cases. This would be the end of his time with Paul Drake (William Hopper ) doing his legwork and almost the end of Della Street (Barbara Hale) working the desk. D.A. Hamilton Burger ( William Talman) must have been thrilled to no longer get slapped around in court each week. It’s just a shame that Lt. Drumm (The Six Million Dollar Man‘s Richard Anderson) didn’t last long enough to get a pension. “The Case of the Midnight Howler” features Daniel J. Travanti (Hill Street Blues) as an out of control late night disc jockey. He was an early Howard Stern. “The Case of the Sausalito Sunrise” makes a suspect out of Allan Melvin (Sam the Butcher on The Brady Bunch). “The Case of the Twice Told Twist” turns on Victor Buono (King Tut on Batman). Perry’s car gets stripped for parts. “The Case of the Unwelcome Well” gets pumped up by James Best (Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane on Dukes of Hazzard. “The Case of the Crafty Kidnapper” makes me suspect Gary Collins (PM Magazine) and Cloris Leachman (Young Frankenstein) are in cahoots. “The Case of the Final Fade-Out” is a proper ending when there’s a murder on a TV set. Perry has to interview all the various tech positions on the set. Turns out all these people interviewed are longtime workers on Perry Mason. There’s a little goodbye star power with Dick Clark (American Bandstand), Denver Pyle (Dukes of Hazzard) and Jackie Coogan (The Addams Family). After 19 releases, the golden age of black and white Perry Mason is now available on DVD. This is a DVD shelf unto itself. There’s no news about the 26 made-for-TV movies that Raymond Burr made from 1985 until his death in 1993. But this should not be the end of Perry Mason.

Family Ties: The Seventh and Final Season brings to an end the Keaton family’s saga. No longer would the 80s have Alex P. Keaton(Michael J. Fox) to idolize. Although Fox would finally have time to focus on creating the greatness that was Doc Hollywood. Alex is still dating a pre-Friends‘s Courtney Cox on the show. Nick (cool guy Scott Valentine) remains attached to Mallory (Justine Bateman). “Heartstrings” is three episode focused on Steven (Michael Gross) having a heart attack. His doctor is Phillip Baker Hall (Boogie Nights). Is dad going to survive to the final episode? “”Til Her Daddy Takes the T-Bird Away” brings back ’90s sexiest man alive Dan Hedaya (Clueless) to play Nick’s dad. “Alex Doesn’t Live Here Anymore” brings the show to a close with the oldest son finally out of college and taking his first job. He can’t live at home anymore so it’s a lot of tears and memories as he packs up. Thus as the ’80s drew to a close, a light went out in the Keaton’s house.

Rapture Palooza is a twisted tale about what will happen to those stuck on the Earth after the good folks are raptured up to Heaven. Like another End Times movie, this film stars a cast member of Freaks and Geeks. It’s John Francis Daley as a bigger dweeb. The good part about bring left in the post-rapture world is that he’s still got his girlfriend Anna Kendrick (Up In the Air). The bad part is Anna is still a virgin and won’t change even with the Anti-Christ (Hot Tub Time Machine‘s Craig Robinson) now in charge. And the Anti-Christ has his eyes on banging Kendrick. Can Daley keep his lady pure? Can the Anti-Christ be anymore gross when he woos her? Also along for the apocalyptic fun is Rob Corddry (also Hot Tub Time Machine), Ana Gasteyer and Thomas Lennon. This is the perfect film to scare the Holy Rollers out of the living room. They cast Ken Jeong as God. Can anything be more scary? Corddry and Robinson crack each other up on the audio commentary. They also have a documentary, gag reel and deleted scenes. It’s just a fun way to imagine the end of the world.

Alyce Kills needs to be seen just for the performance of Eddie Rouse. I’ve worked with Eddie in the past on various project in Winston-Salem. It’s been nice seeing him pop up in major films such as American Gangster. Now he has a big role that allows him to dominate the trailer as the voice. Plus he got to work with Tracey Walter (Repo Man). He’s gets wrapped up with Alyce (Jade Dornfeld). She goes out for a fun night with her friend (Tamara Feldman). The fun stops suddenly when she pushes her friend off the side of a building. Luckily the friend survives, but Alyce loses it all with a massive paranoid fit. Sadly Eddie isn’t part of the cast interviews. The behind the scenes footage is shocking when you see how the movie was filmed. The days of renting the big package from Panavision is over. The only excuse you can have for not making your own horror film is a lack of friends who want to be killed. Luckily director Jay Lee had the smart idea to get to know Eddie Rouse.

Emperor delves into a time when General Douglas MacArthur had few rivals on the face of the Earth. MacArthur(Tommy Lee Jones) is set with the task of deciding how involved was Emperor Hirohito (Takataro Kataoka) when it came to Japan’s role in World War II. Culturally this is a tense time since at that point, the Emperor of Japan was considered a God on Earth. The fact that MacArthur is placing judgment on a God almost comes close to the military leader’s view of himself. General Fellers (Lost‘s Matthew Fox) is given the heavy work of finding the evidence. Will MacArthur put a God to death? The movie explores the remains of Japan after its surrender to the allies. It’s a find performance from Fox as the snooping general who actually has to work and not merely review troops. A fine film to watch with your dad on a rainy Saturday.

CatDog: The Final Season wraps up the Nick animated season that really brought together Billy West (Ren and Stimpy) Tom Kenny (SpongeBob SquarePants) and Carlos Alazraqui (Deputy Garcia on Reno 911). Kenny and Jim Cummings give voice to creature that is half cat and dog. They’re a truly odd couple with the ability to more than run in circles chasing their tale. These are the final 8 seasons that ran during the fourth season it aired on Nickelodeon. “CatDog and the Great Parent Mystery” is their quest to find out how they were born. They track down their parents that turn out to be a frog and bigfoot. But there’s still no reason why they were born so weird. “Cat Gone Bad” has the Cat wanting to hang out with the cat neighbors that are beyond annoying to his Dog half. The show ended with “Meat Dog’s Friends” where Dog discovers where the stuff in his bowl comes from. He’s not sure if he can eat anymore knowing it could be his animal friends. The show is still a hoot after almost a decade off the air.

Care Bears: A Belly Badge for Wonderheart: The Movie is 65 minutes of the new CGI Carebears that airs on The Hub. Wonderheart Bear is eager to join the Cub Bouts. The only thing holding him back is the fact that Belly Badge isn’t considered active. She does what any kid in such a position does: fakes it. In this case she gets fake powers through a misplaced wish. Naturally this leads to a major disaster. She becomes the subject of an Amber Alert by ending up on top of a mountain during a severe weather event. This is not a good thing. Will she survive? Will she learn a lesson? Will there be musical moments to express the morality lesson? Of course, this is Carebears and not a Werner Herzog documentary. The bonus features are two music videos.

The Princess Twins of Legendale is from the people behind Lalaloopsy. Princess Dawn wants to live in a kingdom that lets the sun set once and a while. She conspires to visit the Forbidden Night World. This is an extremely dangerous voyage since the great divide between these spaces involves an evil sorceress. She discovers that she has a twin sister on the other side. Her name is Eve and has the same taste in music which makes them great for sing-alongs. The two royal sisters fixate on a plan to reunite the kingdoms so they can share in night and day action. The movie kept my preschooler happy for a while. The big bonus is five episodes of Bratzillaz. There’s more brat action in that show than tailgater at a Chicago Bears games.

LIZARD LICK — Bob Dylan spent 300 pages in his autobiography doing his best to prove that he wasn’t the voice of a generation. Sure he wrote “Blowin’ In the Wind,” but he’s not eager to claim counter culture icon status for the uprising of the Sixties. According to his book, he’s just a guy who plays a guitar and words come out of his mouth. On the other hand, Weird Al Yankovic can’t back away from being a true voice of a generation. Granted he represents a generation of smart asses, pop culture fiends, and adult-children who swear they know the real lyrics to a hit song. But we need a voice and it isn’t Chris Hardwick.

Weird Al was coming to town, but not for his usual blow out concert. He was appearing one night only at Raleigh’s Quail Ridge Bookstore to sign his latest tome: My New Teacher And Me (illustrated by Wes Hargis. Even with a massive summer storm approaching, the bookstore was crammed with fans of all ages eager to meet the man behind “Eat It,” “Fat” and “White and Nerdy.” Even after 33 years, Weird Al is not a nostalgia act. He’s still cranking out the hits without even spoofing a specific song. He was able to take a Doors sounding riff to create “Craigslist.” The late Doors keyboardist Ray Manzarek’s brought the groove to the production.

This was my second chance to meet Weird Al. A few years back I’d seen him and the band live in Durham. After the show, my brother and I ended up passing his tour bus. We hung out a little bit waiting for him, but my brother said he needed to get home since he had to wake up early to get to his real job. We left. An old film school buddy met Al and posted the pic on Facebook. My brother got to wake up early, drive to work and promptly get laid off. My brother didn’t want to come with me to the book signing for fear of history repeating itself with his new job. But I was there and at the front of the line.

Originally I had planned on asking a few questions of Al on camera. But while standing there in line, I kept thinking of that jerk producer that does ambush interviews for Bill O’Reilly. Why would I want to be a prick like that to Weird Al? I heard Weird Al’s “Yoda” when it was only airing on the Dr. Demento Show. Weird Al has been a part of my life for at least 33 years. As I got closer to his signing table, it became obvious that there wasn’t much to ask Weird Al since we both know the answers. It would be nice to know which of the Barkers Beauties he dated in the ’80s. But he’s a gentleman and would never tell – unless there was video leaking. So when the time came to meet him, I gave him signed copies of my books “Quotable: The Most Inspiring, Uplifting, Comforting and Universally Beloved Words From Ann Coulter” and “Seven Secrets of Great Walmart People Greeters.” It’s a book signing, why shouldn’t someone sign something for him to take home? Then I told him the story of my brother getting laid off. It’s all heartwarming. A nice person videotaped the encounter for posterity. This is the most exciting minute of video that doesn’t feature a cat frowning.

The day after the signing, Weird Al tweeted the number of the payphone next to him at RDU airport so he could chat with folks. Weird Al is more than merely the spokesman of a generation, he’s also the listener of a generation. The Kennedy Center better honor him next year.

SUBMIT TO FULL FRAME

The fine folks at the Full Frame Documentary film festival have alerted me that it’s almost submission time. So get that non-fiction film about the history of historical stuff ready for showing. Here’s the deadlines in case you need more time to make it presentable.

2014 Call for Entries:
Regular Deadline / August 15 – October 15 / $40 Fee
Late Deadline / October 16 – December 6 / $60 Fee
For additional information or clarification of rules, please contact submissions@fullframefest.org.

JFK VS. THIS GUY

Scott Calonico’s You Can’t Always Get What You Want short film featuring LBJ’s phone calls was a hit at the last Full Frame Documentary Film Festival. Now he’s back with a more involving production where he goes behind JFK’s telephone rant about a bedroom set up at an air force base. Here’s the teaser that explains it all and wants me to see the rest of the story:

And here’s me and Scott talking at Full Frame about You Can’t Always Get What You Want. He previews the JFK project.

VINEGAR TIME

Punk Vacation (Blu-ray + DVD) reminds us of those trouble punk kids could be in the 80s. A small California town in the desert east of Los Angeles gets uninvited guests. Turns out a bunch of punks on motorcycles have arrived looking for kicks. They’re all made up with nowhere to go outside of the local general store. When Rob Garrison (The Karate Kid gets ripped off by a soda machine, he goes full Cobra Kai. This leads to the store owner coming out with his shotgun to nip it in the bud. The mess goes out of control. Garrison ends up caught by the man. His punk friends don’t like it. The very hot in her make up Ramrod (Roxanne Rogers of 976-Evil) won’t cut and run. There’s a full out war in the town between the locals and the punks. Strangely enough it’s the locals that come off looking really boring as they attempt to put down the punk rebellion. This movie didn’t have that much national play or attention. Truly worth rediscovering as the genre of punks shooting it out with locals is very thin. A bonus feature on the DVD is Nomad Riders which was made around the same time by producer Stephen Fusci. The transfer was lifted from a videotape so it’s not quite as detailed. But the outlaw biker film is as entertaining as Punk Vacation. It has a Miami Vice synth score to make the action feel smoother. Fusci does a video interview to give context to his two productions. There’s also plenty of still photos from the shoots. A fine double feature to enjoy with your Harley nearby.

Drive-In Collection: The Vixens of Kung Fu & Oriental Blue are two New York based adult flicks that attempted to cash in of the Kung Fu craze of the early -70s. They must have been playing in Times Square next to The Chinese Connection. Both movies feature the talent of the edgy Jamie Gillis. Judging by his haircut, Jaime made these movies on the same weekend. Both films were directed by Bill Milling. The Vixens of Kung Fu opens with a hooker (Bree Anthony) being attacked by a group of guys including Jaime. She’s found by members of a Kung Fu group living outside of New York City. They help her recover and teach her the secrets of martial arts. When she’s fully recovered, she’s ready to reclaim herself. She also learns Asian erotic secrets to help with her day job. There’s a lot of nudity in the woods as the cast fights and gets down. Oriental Blue plays up the concept of human trafficking with an Asian flavor. Peonies Jong (The Vixens of Kung Fu) has a more involving role as a Dragon Lady hired to kidnap various girls for an international prostitution syndicate. Her main man to find the talent is Jaime Gillis. Jong has the secret formula that turns them from victims into willing sex slaves. Gillis gets on her bad side when he doesn’t want to turn over one of his recruits. It doesn’t end pretty which seems the norm on the semi-roughie adult features. The guys at Vinegar Syndrome have once more done a fine job at color correcting two very incorrect feature films.

SCREAM AND SHOUT

The Extraordinary Adventures of Adel Blanc-Sec is Luc Besson to the director’s chair instead of just contributing to scripts and producing the latest Liam Neeson flick. Adele Blanc-Sec (Louise Bourgoin) is an explorer like Indiana Jones. She heads down to Egypt to locate a special mummy. She has her enemies that want to bury her in a pyramid. But she’s too smart for their lame schemes. She escapes with her mummy in tow. At the same time Paris is having an issue with a giant pterodactyl flying around the city. How did it come alive? That’s the secret of an ancient Egyptologist who has a mental bond with the dinosaur. The mysteries all come together in a film that’s much more fun that the last few Mummy movies and the creepy CGI Tintin. There’s plenty of great special effects faces that are on par with Dick Tracy. The film is rather fun and plays with quite a few themes that Besson explored in Fifth Element. It’s great that the movie is finally getting released in America after three years. The movie is quite a bit French, but don’t let that alienate you. It does feature walking mummies roaming around the Louvre. The Blu-ray looks gorgeous on a large HDTV. The bonus features include a DVD and Digital copy of the film. There’s a making of featurette and deleted scenes. You can listen to the movie in French and English. You’re better off with French.

Swamp Thing still rates as one of the best comic book super hero movie. Wes Craven went to the murky terrain of South Carolina to give us the DC Comic character in his natural terrain. This isn’t just some Hollywood backlot with handfuls of Spanish moss glued to trees. You can feel the humidity of the remote laboratory run by Dr. Alec Holland (Twin Peaks‘ Ray Wise). He working on new compounds from vegetation found in the swamp. Alice Cable (Maude‘s Adrienne Barbeau) gets assigned to help Dr. Holland’s research. Before she can get settled on the compound, an evil force of mercenaries shows up eager to claim the scientific break throws. They’ve been paid for by Arcane (Octopussy‘s Louis Jourdan). When Dr. Holland is less than turning over his research, he gets exposed to an element that turns him into the Swamp Thing. He’s a big green superhero that must protect Alice from the evil. Can he stop his research from being sold to the highest bigger? The Blu-ray comes with a DVD. Director Wes Craven contributes a commentary track where he talks about all the challenges of not just making this on a Hollywood backlot. Make up artist William Munns also gets to talk about his work at keeping things looking good in the humidity. There’s interviews with Barbeau, Len Wein (creator of the comic book) and Reggie Batts. This is the PG version of the film with less Barbeau nudity. The R-rated version was accidentally released on DVD. Why not an unrated cut on the Blu-ray? According to some internet sources, Barbeau’s contract only allows the PG version to be released in North America. Swamp Thing is much better than Thor.

The Fog: Collector’s Edition is another Adrienne Barbeau film. This ghost story was John Carpenter’s follow up to Halloween with even more people coming home on a special night. A seaside community is excited about their 100th anniversary. Little do they know that their going to have guests wanting payback. The ghosts arrive in a thick fog with revenge. John Houseman sets the scene giving a spooky tale to the kiddies. Is it a night to beware? Of course it is. These aren’t just any ghosts attacking the town. They’re pirate ghosts looking to claim the lives of the living. Why are they doing that? You want me to ruin a good ghost story? A hint is that Hal Holbrook is the key. Being chased by the ghosts is not just Jamie Lee Curtis (Halloween), but her real life mom Janet Leigh (Psycho). It’s amazing to see two generations of scream queens test out their pipes when the bumps arrive in the night. The bonus features are a mix of new and old. There’s an audio track with John Carpenter and the late Debra Hill discussing how The Fog was a budget step up from their previous efforts. There’s a new commentary with cast and crew led by Barbeau. “Fear on Film” is a vintage featurette about the show. “Horror’s Haunted Grounds” pays a visit to the film’s locations. You might plan your vacation around that tour. There’s plenty of trailers, tv spots and promo photos. The 1080p transfer was supervised by cinematographer Dean Cundey so it looks really good and sharp except when it’s foggy. There’s nothing too vague about this ultimate edition of The Fog.

The Incredible Melting Man is the movie that turned Rick Baker into a superstar of makeup effects with the public. How could this be? Baker was coming off Dino’s King Kong when he took the Melting Man as a gig since they paid him a huge fee. He didn’t think they’d do it. Being the highest priced person in the movie, made him the star. One version of the trailer is all about his creation of the creature. Baker was getting the treatment reserved for Ray Harryhausen. The film itself is about an astronaut that returns from a mission to Saturn. Something is causing his flesh to liquefy. He races around dripping all over the place. There seems little hope for a cure although he thinks eating other people might help him. The film is amazingly low budget. There seems to be no budget for extras. Everybody in the shot seems to be talking or being attacked by the Melting Man. There’s an audio track from director William Sachs. He’d go on to direct Galaxina and the Crown International sensation Van Nuys Blvd. Baker and Greg Cannom speak on camera about their involvement and their effects. Baker remembers the large tubs of goo he had to make for the Melting Man to ooze all over the locations. The advertising campaign scared me when I was a kid. Mom said to not worry since this was a movie and I wasn’t going to Saturn. Nowadays the media always covers flesh eating bacteria so the fear is creeping back. You don’t have to be an astronaut to melt. And now for your pleasure, the German trailer for the movie.

A Boy and His Dog: Collector’s Edition brings us the magic when the star of The Brady Bunch teamed up with the future icon of Miami Vice. There was a magic when Tiger the dog (the replacement for the original dog) was buds with Don Johnson in a post-apocalyptic nightmare world. The two have learned to survive in the wasteland that gets nastier each passing day. Things get nasty for the duo when Don gets led into an underworld complex by a girl who promises him a lot of stuff. He finds himself trapped in a nightmare that would fully be embraced by Glenn Beck. Jason Robards is the mayor. Although the strangest bit of casting is Alvy Moore as the town’s doctor. He’s best known as Hank Kimball, the county agent on Green Acres. This is a film directed by L.Q. Jones, best known for being one of the scummy bounty hunters in The Wild Bunch. This is his only feature film which is a shame since it’s a cult success. Tiger died shortly after this film was completed. L.Q. Jones is joined on the audio commentary by cinematographer John Arthur Morrill and critic Charles Champlin. The big bonus is Jones sitting down with author Harlan Ellison. Supposedly Ellison didn’t like the tone of the film, but the two have come to terms. “It’s an awfully good picture,” Harlan admits. Their 51 minute conversation covers so many aspects of the production. A Boy and His Dog is amazing to behold after all these years.

BLU-RAY HEAVEN

Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 4 is the mid-season of the show’s run. The ratings were high at the start of the year with so many people wanting to know the outcome of Captain Picard (Patrick Stewart) being assimilated into the Borg in “The Best of Both Worlds Part II.” There’s family themes dominating the early episodes. “Family” returns the crew to earth where Picard hangs out in France with his brother. Dr. Cusher (Gates McFadden) lets Wesley (Wil Wheaton) see a message his late father had left him. “Brothers” unites Data (Brent Spiner) with his creator and his brother Lore. “Suddenly Human” lets Picard play Maury Povich as he informs an alien child that he’s really human. What’s the kid going to do? “Legacy” brings Tasha Yar’s sister onto the deck. She wants to bring sanity to her out of control colony. “Reunion” hooks up Worf (Michael Dorn) with his ex-girlfriend. He finds even more Klingon relatives. “Final Mission” marks the end of Wesley Crusher’s time screwing up the Enterprise. Wil would return for a few guest shots, but is now known for tormenting Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory. There’s a lot of memory loss episodes including “Clues” with the crew forgetting what happened for 30 seconds. But it might really be longer. Time is relative in outer space. “Qpid” has everyone’s favorite near god teases Picard with love. Can he finally break the human? The season ends with “Redemption I.” Worf quits Starfleet to fight in the Klingon Civil War. This two parter is also presented as its own movie with Star Trek: The Next Generation – Redemption on Blu-ray. The action is put together seamless for the complete Klingon Civil War saga. You won’t have to wait until season 5.

Eve of Destruction (The Doomsday Series) is a three hour mega-movie that deals with the horrible consequences about tapping into dark energy. Steven Weber (Wings) is a scientist who think he has the solution for electricity. What he doesn’t know is that this experiment was tried in Russia was a disastrous result. A power company worker from Russia remembers the night the electricity went out of control. He can’t stand seeing it happen again. Treat Williams is the boss who is semi-skeptical of the future event. The mini-series that ran on Reelz is much smarter than the original fare on Syfy. This comes off as more science fiction than Sharknado.

The Borgias: The Final Season wraps up the tale of Pope Alexander VI and his cutthroat family. This wasn’t supposed to be the wrap up season, but that’s just the way it worked out since the ratings on Showtime weren’t quite Game of Thrones or Tudors level. The season starts off with the Pope recovering from a poisoning. Catherina Sforza is ready to finish off the family, but daughter Lucrezia must rise to the challenge since her brothers are busy. The Pope puts on a grand inquisition against the College of Cardinals. He’s not trusting anyone anymore. Why should he? One of the Cardinals steals a large amount of cash from the Vatican bank and covers his tracks by torching the vaults. The final episode does seem a bit like an ending with a family unification on the horizon. It was a good series and it’s a shame that it didn’t get the proper ending. Unlike Deadwood, fans won’t have to guess how it was going to end. The script for the unproduced two hour finale movie has been adapted to prose and can be downloaded as an e-book. The Blu-ray brings out the rich production values in massive sets and equally massive wardrobe. The bonus features include Borgia Bloopers and the first episode of Ray Donovan.

DVD SHELF

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Volume XXVII brings a well-rounded collection of episodes from the series that perfected the art of mocking bad movie. All four major cast eras are spread over the selections. “The Slime People” is from the first season with Dr. Erhardt (Josh Weinstein) teaming up with Dr. Forrester (Trace Beaulieu) to torture Joel and the Bots. They find a tale of creatures coming up from the sewers to takeover Los Angeles. Today we call them reality stars. “Rocket Attack U.S.A.” is pure cold war love. Spies go to the Soviet Union to infiltrate those commie bastards. The mission backfires and an atomic bomb wipes out Manhattan. Thus no more Woody Allen films would ever be made. TV’s Frank is with Dr. Forrester on this one. There’s also a creepy reminder that Mike Nelson would soon be blasted into space during one of the breaks. “Village of the Giants” is another massive production from Bert I. Gordon (Food of the Gods). This time a bunch of teenagers out for kicks eat a special food made by a young Ron Howard (Eat My Dust). They are turned into huge problems as they dominate the sleepy town like Marlon Brando’s gang in The Wild Bunch. Mike Nelson and the Bots have a good time at the expense of some low budget special effects. There’s also a sad time as TV’s Frank gets laid off and replaced by Torgo. This isn’t a speedy changeover. “The Deadly Mantis” brings more Pearl Forrester to the scene. This time the Earth blows up thanks to a recreation of Beneath the Planet of the Apes. You do get a Beezer fix before the blast. But don’t fret, Mike, the Bots, Pearl and Bobo survive along with a print of The Deadly Mantis. This came from the time when Universal was in love with stock footage. Sure they have a great Mantis puppet, but so much of the film is defense department film of planes flying. They also abuse some Eskimo documentaries to make things feel authentic. The bonus features include interviews with two cast members from The Slime People and Village of the Giants. There’s a fine documentary about William Alland, the producer of Deadly Mantis and those classic Jack Arnold films at Universal. Trace Beaulieu reminds us that he’s worked since leaving Deep 13. This is a fine sampler of MST3K episodes since you get a taste of all the actors.

Here’s the regular trailer for Deadly Mantis.

Nicky Deuce marks the end of an era since this is the last time you’ll see James Gandolfini playing off his Tony Soprano character. He’s joined by plenty of his co-stars from the legendary mobster series including Michael Imperioli, Tony Sirico, Steve Schirripa and Vincent Curatola. How did Frank Vincent not sneak onto the screen? None of them are Nicky Deuce. Turns out he’s a kid (Noah Munck) from the suburbs who gets sent to Brooklyn for the summer to spend time with his grandparents (Schirripa and Oz‘s Rita Moreno). He does his best to fit in with the local kids by taking up a bit of a wise guy persona. He begins to suspect that his relatives are mobsters. How did so many actors from Sopranos end up in a Nickelodeon movie? Turns out that Schirripa wrote the novel and asked a few favors from his pals. Little did they know that this would be the last time to mob it up with the man once known as Tony. Nicky Deuce deserves to sit next to your complete Sopranos collection.

The Virginian: The Complete Seventh Season is the semi-penultimate go around for the TV series that had each episode be a feature length movie. Somehow this crew was able to crank out 26 episodes of the adventures around the Shiloh Ranch. The big new thing for this season is the arrival of David Hartman (Good Morning America). He’s a saloon worker who gets fired. He think he can cut it with The Virginian (James Drury) and Trampas (The Land that Time Forgot‘s Doug McClure). “The Saddle Warmer” has Sutton start off on a bad food when he breaks Trampas’ leg in an accident. Or is it? Later a woman shows up claiming to be his wife. Tom Skerritt (Alien) has a bit part. “The Orchard” brings Burgess Meredith to the ranch as a pal who always has a bad streak of luck. Ben Murphy (Gemini Man) might make things get tragic. John Saxon arrives with a black heart and a bullet for Trampas in “Vision of Blindness.” Saxon seeks revenge for the death of his brother. Ben Johnson (The Wild Bunch) wants a bit of calm. “The Wind of Outrage” reeks of the pure macho musk from Ricardo Montalban (Star Trek II). Ricardo gets to flex his acting muscles in the role of an ex-Canadian. Take off! “The Heritage” features Jay Silverheels in a non-Tonto role. “Ride to Misadventure” drives action past Harry Dean Stanton (Repo Man). “Crime Wave in Buffalo Springs” gets felonious with Yvonne De Carlo (The Munsters) and Carrie Snodgress (Diary of a Mad Housewife). “Incident at Diablo Crossing” makes Gary Collins a killer or is he?

The Virginian: The Final Season isn’t really the show’s final season. Turns out after season eight, NBC changed the show’s title to The Men From Shiloh. The tone of the show was changed to a Spaghetti Western approach with minimal ranch based action. They even hired Ennio Morricone to create a new theme son. So in a sense, this is the last Virginian before a major overhaul. The big change of the season is David Hartman hits the range and Tim Matheson (National Lampoon’s Animal House) arrives as Jim Horn. Season 8 takes us back to the time when Leslie Nielsen (Police Squad) was a hard ass in “The Long Ride Home.” He’s offered a full time gig at Shiloh. Can he stick around as a regular? “The Substitute” busts Champas for a murder. What chance will he get for justice since the sheriff is Ken Lynch (McCloud). “The Burgler” isn’t Alan Hale Jr. (Gilligan’s Island). “Home to Methuselah” puts a lawman on the trails of outlaws. He doesn’t believe in prisoners. Timothy Carey (Paths of Glory) needs to fear this guy. “Black Jade” puts a cowboy hat on William Shatner (Star Trek). “You Can Lead a Horse to Water” gives us the FCC required guest visit from Strother Martin (The Wild Bunch). Joan Crawford stars in “Nightmare.” Which cowboy will give her wire hangers? Dennis Weaver of Gunsmoke and McCloud fame arrives for “Train of Darkness.” The Virginian was the third longest running TV series behind Bonanza and Gunsmoke although it might be the longest if you factor episodes lengths. “A King’s Ransom” pays off with Patrick Macnee (John Steed on The Avengers). He’s the leader of a kidnapping gang. The 24 episodes play more like a Western Film Festival rather than tv season. This is the perfect gift to keep dad occupied for several weekends.

Hecho En Mexico (Made In Mexico) explores modern Mexico which the American media has reduced down to the border and the massive body counts thanks to drug wars. But there is so much more to this country. Director Duncan Bridgeman and his crew explore the vibrant arts and culture of the country South of the Border. There is so much color and rich music that gets expressed in 100 minutes of a travelogue. There’s a festive flavor to so much of the footage. You’ll be eager to get in the middle of a massive party down there. This is an intriguing view for those wondering what’s beyond the desert and the pharmacias. The DVD also includes access to the UltraViolet stream and download so you can watch the film as you fly to your vacation in Mexico. The film is rated R for dirty talk.

Gunsmoke: The Ninth Season, Volume 1 & Volume 2 marks the true arrival of Festus (Ken Curtis) and the departure of Chester (McCloud‘s Dennis Weaver). It’s a sad transition and oddly enough one that doesn’t get much thought about by people who started watching the show in the ’80s. Why? Because the average viewer under 40 thinks Festus has always been the sidekick of Marshall Dillon (James Arness). Chester had the unfortunate luck of being in290 episodes that were shot in black and white. Cable stations would rather just run all the color episodes starring Festus. These people also don’t realize that Burt Reynolds was a regular on the show as Quint since he too lacked color during his stay. The season starts off with a bit of a personality crisis as Ken Curtis arrives in Dodge City for “Lover Boy.” He’s a slick cowboy who gets involved with a woman who wants him to do wrong. Can he resist her charms to be lethal? “Prairie Wolfer” brings Curtis back as Festus. He’s hired to track down the wolves that are attacking cattle. But are they the real predators on the range? He needs Matt’s help to keep from being bait. He returns of “Once a Haggen” which turns into his trade off with Chester. Slim Pickens (Dr. Strangelove) gets arrested for killing a Poker player. Festus swears his buddy is innocent. He teams up with Matt to reveal the truth. This episode turns him into a regular. Chester sticks around for one more episode. “Bently” lets Chester doubt a dying man confessing to a crime that he beat in court. Chester thinks the guy is trying to cover. Dennis Weaver left the show to star in Kentucky Jones. While he bounced around in short lived shows for a while, he ended up on the long running McCloud while Gunsmoke still had 5 more seasons to go. And now here’s Ken Curtis showing off his pipes with a Western classic.

Filly Brown marks the movie debut and unfortunately the only performance of Jenni Rivera. The singer passed away in a plane wreck in Mexico last December. She plays an incarcerated mother of hip-hop singer (Gina Rodriguez) that’s on the cusp of breaking through. She has support from her dad (La Bamba‘s Lou Diamond Phillips. Trouble is that her major label deal seems to hinge on her turning her back on so many that have helped her along. They also want her to change her style to be more sexual than cerebral. She just wants to land a contract so she can help her family. It’s a film that would have played better in the ’90s when record companies mattered. Rodriguez brings the right amount attitude and uncertainty for her character. Rivera’s mom behind bars shows she could have had a long career in films. The big bonus is deleted scenes involving Rivera. Filly Brown played Sundance in 2012.

Power Rangers Samurai: The Ultimate Duel wraps up the series with the final four episodes. “The Tengen Gate” gives them the unfinished weapon of the original Red Power Ranger. They get told a story of a Nighlok King who cursed all around him. “Boxed In” has them doing their best to open up the Black Box so they can fight back properly. The Moogers are coming. “Broken Dreams” takes them into the Dream World. Things are getting more intense. Master Xandred destroys something major as revenge. “The Ultimate Duel” pits Deker against Jayden in a battle to the death. But can they really battle alone? Or does Jayden need the power of his Power Ranger companions? After this series, comes Power Rangers Super Samurai. While there are two more episodes to the season, they’ve already been released as part of Monster Bash Halloween Special and Christmas Together, Friends Forever.

War On Whistleblowers is a timely documentary from Robert Greenwald and his crew. You can’t watch the news without getting at least one story about the major whistleblowers who have exposed government and private sector secrets. Right now it’s all about Edward Snowden who exposed the extremes of NFS programs. The film dips into the tricky world of those who want to whistleblower. The movie starts with a defense department official who realized that Humvees were no defense against IEDs in Iraq. Many people wanted to swap to a vehicle that could handle a road blast better. But nobody in power wanted this changeover to happen. He leaked the non-classified information to the USA Today and it forced change. Military lives were saved. But the whistleblower was treated as a traitor. There’s another tale of military incompetence when the Coast Guard paid a fortune for new boats, but didn’t want to buy water proof radios. The film does a good job of making viewer not see those that leak government information as merely aiding the enemies of America. With Snowden and Bradley Manning in the news, this is a fine time to explore the subject. Greenwald provides a commentary track. There’s also extended interviews with plenty of the subjects.

RoboTech 2-Movie Collection: The Shadow Chronicles & Love Live Alive (premiere) is a double feature of Scott Bernard action. RoboTech comes from that mid-80s era of Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The show used to dominate a corner at my local Suncoast whether with videotapes, books and toys. The show got an extra push with the release of Robotech: The Shadow Chronicles was released in 2008 to celebrate the show’s 20th anniversary. The action picks up where the TV episodes ended. Invid has taken over most of the Earth, but the humans aren’t backing down. Luckily, it turns out the Invid have a greater enemy hunting them down. Can the humans survive the enemy of their enemy? Scott Bernard is in the middle of the madness. Mark Hamill (Star Wars lends his voice. Love Live Alive is sort of a new movie. It takes a look at the third season highlights through a Scott Bernard’s adventures. This set up works well for fans that haven’t seen the show in a few decades and just want a refreshing review of the action. There’s a lot of bonus features including Birth of a Sequel, Score Music Video, Select, !PoN Anime Podcast, Robotech 3000, Robotech 3000 Motion Capture Sequences, Scenes (w/optional commentary), Outtakes, Animatics (w/optional commentary), Trailers and Photo Galleries.

Spaghetti Westerns and More Spaghetti Westerns are part of Timeless’ “Movies 4 You” series that put 4 films on 1 DVD. There’s more than a handful of Clint Eastwood films that were made by Italian crews in the Spanish deserts. These two sets bring 8 entries that were shot during the height of the subgenre from the mid-60s to the mid-70s. Spaghetti Westerns contains the first two movies featuring Montgomery Wood (Giuliano Gemma) as Ringo. He was as big as Django and the Man With No Name in the ’60s. A Pistol For Ringo has Ringo saved from the hangman’s noose when he must rescue a family from outlaws. To pull off his mission, he has to join up with the outlaws. The Return of Ringo has him disguise himself as a Mexican outlaw to get revenge on a gang that really wronged him. Ringo: Face of Revenge gives us Anthony Steffan as Ringo. He’s on a treasure run with half of the map tattooed on a convict. They need the second half that’s on a sheriff’s body. Can they reunite the duo and keep all the loot? Shoot, Gringo…Shoot! could almost look like Ringo on the drive-in marquee. An outlaw has to find a man’s missing son to escape execution. This has actual American actors Brian Kelly and Keenan Wynn playing Americans. More Spaghetti Westerns has four films that focus on money and bullets. Blood For A Silver Dollar brings back Gemma. He’s returning from the Civil War. The locals want him to hunt down and kill an outlaw. But can he follow through with the hit when he sees his target? 10,000 Dollars for a Massacre brings us another Django entry with Gianni Garko. This time he’s on the trail of an outlaw gang. But he ponders taking over the gang and leading them on major heist. 7 Dollars On Red puts Steffan on the road after his son whose been kidnapped by bandits. Can he get his kid back before he becomes an outlaw? A Bullet for a Stranger lets Garko save two brothers who are suckers for outlaws. These two sets are fun to watch on a small screen since they’re rather low resolution versus Timeless’ recent Django double features. The good news is this helps you not notice the lips are out of synch when they talk in the dub track.

Touched By An Angel: The Eighth Season is the heavenly penultimate season. Valerie Bertinelli (One Day At A Time) goes full time with angels Roma Downey, Della Reese and John Dye. They’re out to fix the lives of those losing touch with their faith. Valerie arrives for “Holy of Holie.” They have to help a college professor find the Ark of the Covenant. Sadly there’s no bullwhip fighting. “The Perfect Game” deals with a father being overbearing on his baseball playing son. Ernie Hudson (Ghostbusters) gets to be a part of the game. Major holy roller Kirk Cameron becomes “The Birthday Present.” Gloria Stuart (Titanic) gets involved in an abused kids case. “Heaven’s Portal” takes Angels to a rave where they get messed up. Peter Scolari (Girls) gets tangled into the E-venture. “When Sunny Gets Blue” brightens up a younger Zachary Quinto without his Spock ears. “A Winter Carol” has a fictional 9/11 storyline barely two months after the World Trade Towers came down. Blair Brown (Fringe) is trapped in emotional rubble. “The Blue Angel” has the painful friendship between Ernest Borgnine (McHale’s Navy) and Tom Bosley (Happy Days). Neil Patrick Harris bolts on his fiancé in “The Princeless Bride.” I wonder why NPH wouldn’t marry her? “For All the Tea In China” is a mega-special episode with Angela Lansbury playing a woman with a big secret. Only one more season for the stars to be Touched By An Angel.