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WINSTON-SALEM - I got a bone to pick with James Franco. A few months back he was having auditions for a movie he was making near my country estate. I can’t remember the name or the real plot. All that mattered was that Emilia Clarke was supposed to be playing a stripper. That’s right, the Mother of Dragons, Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones was going to be dropping her top to earn her money.

How could I let such an opportunity pass me by? I immediately decided to audition for the role of Tater, the assistant manager at the strip joint. This was the role I was born to play. I had been researching it for years. Every dollar I gave was to a stripper was to understand the character. It had nothing to do with carnal urges. It was all for art. So I put together an audition tape and had it ready to send to Mr. Oscar host. You will all agree that it shows off my thespian skills honed at the North Carolina School of the Arts when I studied with Danny McBride.

You must admit that this is the kind of audition that casting directors will be showing all their students as a way to hone their craft. The part was mine. I had already been pricing ski boots for Sundance. I was already imaging the tabloids going nuts with rumors of Emilia and my love affair. We’d be the next Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. Although it’d more like them played by Lindsay Lohan and Mr. Fantastic in the Lifetime movie.

Then the fantasy died quick and swift. James Franco canceled the auditions and ceased any preproduction in Winston-Salem. It was over. My tangled affair with the Mother of Dragons had been nipped in the bud. My Cannes and Sundance awards stripped. What could I do? Well once they announced James Franco was their celebrity roast, I had a route for revenge.

The following are jokes that Carlos Mencia or Jonah Hill can steal for use on the stage. I don’t want your money. Just make sure if James Franco cries from shame, I get half of his tears.

James Franco, don’t’ think of this as a roast, but merely me trying to get back the 102 minutes of my life you stole with Your Highness.

James Franco, if you’re so famous, why aren’t you impregnating a Kardashian? Or is Bruce Jenner carrying your baby?

How does it feel to be the Jar-Jar Binks of Oscar hosts?

People think that you’re too young for such an honor. Well these people must not know that you started acting way back in the 20th Century.

In case you were wondering about the drug dogs sniffing you on the way in and agents who confiscated your party supplies, they weren’t DEA. It’s just how James replenishes his stash.

James Franco’s big breakout performance was playing James Dean. Now you look like a roll of Jimmy Dean sausage.

When James Franco came to Hollywood, he told his agent he wanted a role with balls. This led to an audition for the movie Castaway . James craved the role of Wilson. Sadly he lost to another airhead that let the producer blow him.

James, they canceled Freaks and Greeks 15 years ago so you can stop playing Daniel.

I was shocked when Freaks and Geeks got canceled. I was a major Geekazoid? Freaknick? I have such fond memories about how you almost hooked up with Angela. (Pause to realize wrong show.) That wasn’t your show? How about the time you opened a mall store with Mr. Belding? Not you? What about the time you and Dylan shaved your sideburns? You didn’t bootleg the Doobie Brothers concert with Rerun? Did you at least sing a Journey song?

It’s a shame Netflix doesn’t bring back Freaks and Geeks. You guys are still younger than the cast of Glee and all alive.

Anthony Jeselnik, I caught your show. Little did I know that James Franco has turned it into his latest film: As I Lay Dying.

Shame James Franco didn’t make William Faulkner’s Sanctuary. You’d make an Oscar-worthy corncob. (Wait a beat.) What? No Southern Lit majors in the house tonight?

(Stewardess comes out and offers James Franco a blanket and tiny pillow). The captain thought you might need these.

James, it’s great you brought your husband Seth Rogen to share this special occasion. What? You’re not married? Please. You two put Mr. Sulu and his husband to shame.

It’s not a bromance if you break out the lube.

When’s Milk 2 coming out?

James, you claim you’re not gay. But here’s a little test to determine your orientation. If you’ve ever wondered about the missing guy-on-guy sex scenes in Al Pacino’s Cruisin’ so much that you made a movie recreating them; you just might be not that straight. I learned that from Jeff Queerworthy.
James, Franco, I so want to blow you right now. I’m not gay. I just need the THC. I’m feeling nauseous as I think of your film career.

I don’t care if about your sexual orientation, but Andy Dick fears you cock blocking him in the bathroom.

When Pineapple Express came out, the critics called you the next Cheech and Chong. Really? You guys wish you were the next Rae Dawn Chong. (Pause.) What? No Commando fans in the house either?

What about your performance in Oz the Great and Powerful. You played a third rate talent with overinflated academic credentials out to con ticket buyers. Who said the hardest thing to do is play yourself?

Isn’t it ironic that you starred in Annapolis, the only college you’re not attending right now?
I was going to talk about your latest term paper, but…I…fell…asleep (snaps awake). The topic was “Why I’m an Exciting Person.”

Here’s a little SAT pop quiz. James Franco is to Judd Apatow’s Wit as Kermit the Frog is to Jim Henson’s… Fist.

A critic once said, “James Franco is Colin Farrell with a working shower.” Fooled him, didn’t you? James Franco proves you can make it in Hollywood without a comb and mirror.

James Franco understands what it’s like to grow up in the shadow of greatness. His grandfather’s Franco American! That means he gets paid every time you eat Spaghetti-Os. Sadly James receives no royalty when Andy Dick devours a beanie weenie.

Your co-stars from Rise of the Planet of the Apes couldn’t be here, but they sent you a special message. (Reach into rear pocket, pull out a fake monkey poop and fling it at James Franco).
James Franco claims he doesn’t smoke the evil marijuana. I told that to Willie Nelson and he said, (give big harsh exhale gasp).

(Person comes out dressed up in graduation gowns.) Diplomas for Mr. Franco! Diplomas for Mr. Franco!
It’s nice to know that an Oscar nominated serious actor views being roasted on Comedy Central is a great career move. You remember in the past when we roasted Streep, DeNiro, Pacino and Olivier? You now share an honor given to Pam Anderson, Hasselhoff, Shatner and Larry the Cable Guy. The good news is that you, James Franco have just punched your ticket for a Lifetime Original Movie: James Franco in The Amanada Bynes Story!

James likes to give back to the thespian community, but is very humble about it. He was the acting coach in Sharknado for the Hammerheads.

James Franco, who can forget your time on General Hospital? Now I feel guilty for reminding that person who was able to block out your time on General Hospital. Forgive me, Aunt Gertude!

We did our best to keep this a surprise, but I was able to arrange a little reunion with a special acting partner. Do you recognize this voice? (Silence.) Oh well. Let’s bring ‘em out. (A girl comes out holding rubber right arm). He’s been extra busy working on hosting ESPN’s upcoming “One Armed Bandits Tourney.”

When you were making 127 Hours, did you start jerking off with your left hand in case you accidentally cut off your right arm?

When you made the low budget Spring Breakers, were you paid in grills or nookie?

James Franco is funding his next movie using Kickstarter. Shame you didn’t set up a Kickstarter so movie critics could donate to get you acting lessons.

James Franco was in the big hit Spider-Man. Proving he’s got a big brain, James can tell the difference between Tobey McGuire and Elijah Wood.

I’d say you’re a good sport for sitting through this, but I suspect you’re napping.

Feel the burn, James Franco!

SETH IS EVERYWHERE

Before he takes over the Late Show desk, Seth Meyers is sending fun to the computer on your desk. Here’s another installment of his series The Awesomes. You can watch other episodes on Hulu.

SCREAM IT OUT

This month brings three positively freaky Blu-rays from the fine folks at Scream Factory.
Dark Angel is best known in America as “I” Come In Peace. At least that’s how I remember the VHS box at Phar-Mor’s video rental section not to mention the kickass commercial that ran constantly on the late night slots for a month back in 1990. An alien arrives on Earth so that he can use humans to create a special drug. The supersized invader attacks with a flying circular saw blade that won’t stop till heads are popped. There’s only one man that can save the world from this menace: Dolph Lundgren (Rocky IV). Of course Dolph can’t do it alone. He gets stuck with Brian Benben (Dream On), an uptight FBI agent who won’t bend the rules. The duo get minor assistance from an intergalactic cop played by Jay Bilas. That’s right, the former Duke basketball player and current ESPN commentator is an alien! But don’t get too attached to him. Dolph is amazing as the Houston cop who is out to kill the alien that waxed his previous partner. He’s brute force and yet has those touching intimate moments with his coroner girlfriend (Betsy Brantley). The movie is pure buddy cop kick ass greatness with exceptional stunt scenes for a low budget flick. The big bonus feature is interviews with director Craig R. Baxley, Dolph Lundgren and Brian Benben. They recount so much from their sci-fi buddy cop days on the streets of Houston. They almost seem ready to make a sequel. The Blu-ray transfer brings out the end of the ’80s colors and hairstyles. Jan Hammer did the soundtrack to give it a Miami Vice flair. For those who prefer to call the film “I” Come In Peace, the jacket is reversible with the classic VHS artwork.

Q The Winged Serpent brings together the finest elements of a monster movie and a ’70s New York City cop drama. What more can you want in a pair of buddy cops than Richard Roundtree (Shaft) and David Carradine (Kung Fu). The duo seem to be working on two different cases in Manhattan. Someone has been popping the heads off skyscraper window washers. There’s also another killer peeling the skin off their victims. Little do they know that the two might be tied together. Turns out there’s a winged lizard thing flapping around the Big Apple and dining on the denizens. Why is it there? You’ll have to ask the mysterious Aztec cult. Michael Moriarty is a small time crook who discovers the creature’s nest in the top of a building. He wants to use this information to go straight or at least get a fat reward if the mayor will play ball. Candy Clark (The Man Who Fell to Earth) is Moriarty’s girlfriend. Director Larry Cohen (It’s Alive) gives just the right tough of horror to a cop flick. The Ray Harryhausen-esque animated monster is a more solid special effect than anything in Sharknado. Even though the legendary Samuel Z. Arkoff produced the film, it was released after he sold American International Pictures. The distributor who picked up the film couldn’t give it the AIP magic. Q has a cult following thanks to write ups in ReSearch magazine. This Blu-ray ought to bring more people the joy of Aztecs unleashed on the Big Apple. Cohen provides an audio commentary which details his sneaky ways of shooting in Manhattan without permits.

Double Feature: X-Ray & Schizoid delves into why doctors and psychiatrists can be bad for your health. The two films were originally put out by Cannon films during their glory days. X-Ray sends Barbi Benton to the hospital to review her test results. You think sitting in the waiting room is murder, she’s got to deal with a homicidal maniac in the doctor’s office. He’s killing the staff as he isolates her deeper and deeper into the decrepit hospital building. Why? Is this the psycho who killed her friend nearly 20 years before? Or has a new nutjob found her? Barbi Benton is best known for being Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend when he was making the West Coast version of Playboy After Dark. This was back when Hef wasn’t only dating blonds. She does get to strip down during one scene. This film is supposed to be a horror flick, but there’s enough comic elements to make it seem like a spoof of slasher films. The killer wears a doctor’s mask that keeps going in and out like he’s blowing bubbles. An interview with director Boaz Davidson lets him confess that he wasn’t much for scares since his biggest hits were comedies. As a spoof, X-Ray is hilarious. Schizoid scares you right off the bat with the idea of people seeing Klaus Kinski (Aguirre: The Wrath of God) for mental help. That’s just seriously wrong. Things go wrong for members of his all-female group therapy session. Someone is killing them and teasing a local reporter with the murders. Among the suspects is Christopher Lloyd (Taxi. It’s a fun little piece about the harsh penalties for missing your sessions with the shrink. The bonus feature is Donna Wilkes remembering her time with Kinski. There’s a DVD with all the stuff on the Blu-ray in case you want to watch the movies while waiting in the doctor’s office.

BLU-RAY HEAVEN

Double Feature The Hot Spot & Killing Me Softly take us back to those thrilling days of erotic murders. This twin title gives us a trio of dazzling beauty of Heather Graham, Virginia Madsen and Jennifer Connelly. The Hot Spot is a film noir from Dennis Hopper. Don Johnson is a drifting kinda a guy who arrives in a hot Texas town. He quickly lands work as a car dealer. He knows how to sell the undercoating. He likes to tease office girl Connelly. But he’s got his hands full with the dealer’s frisky wife. While he likes the ladies, he’s fixated on robbing the local bank. He dreams of being able to pull off the heist and hit the road with his favorite gal. But can he really get his wishes? While Killing Me Softly isn’t nearly as good, it does feature Heather Graham (Boogie Nights) stripping down and getting wild with Joseph Fiennes. This is the unrated cut of the movie so you get all the goodness from her having fun with scarves. This is why I upgraded to Blu-ray. You get to see Jennifer Connelly and Heather Graham in their prime giving it a Cinemax After Dark worthy performance. Here’s the Italian version of the trailer so you can feel sophisticated.

The Borgias: The Final Season wraps up the tale of Pope Alexander VI and his cutthroat family. This wasn’t supposed to be the wrap up season, but that’s just the way it worked out since the ratings on Showtime weren’t quite Game of Thrones or Tudors level. The season starts off with the Pope recovering from a poisoning. Catherina Sforza is ready to finish off the family, but daughter Lucrezia must rise to the challenge since her brothers are busy. The Pope puts on a grand inquisition against the College of Cardinals. He’s not trusting anyone anymore. Why should he? One of the Cardinals steals a large amount of cash from the Vatican bank and covers his tracks by torching the vaults. The final episode does seem a bit like an ending with a family unification on the horizon. It was a good series and it’s a shame that it didn’t get the proper ending. Unlike Deadwood, fans won’t have to guess how it was going to end. The script for the unproduced two hour finale movie has been adapted to prose and can be downloaded as an e-book. The Blu-ray brings out the rich production values in massive sets and equally massive wardrobe. The bonus features include Borgia Bloopers and the first episode of Ray Donovan.

Graham Parker & The Rumour: This Is Live is the complete concert the reunited band played on the set of Judd Apatow’s This Is 40. Parker and his band are the natural rivals to Elvis Costello and the Attractions. While Elvis sported the nerdy glasses, Graham went cool with sunglasses to show he was serious business. Both were talented and gained a cult following. Parker busted up the band for a true solo career in 1980. The subplot about Paul Rudd’s character trying to reunite and revive the Rumour was like the only part of This Is 40 that I wanted to see, but supposedly the moment was rather swift in the film. But now you can enjoy the nearly hour long set without being distracted by Paul Rudd on the toilet. Graham and his old bandmates are in fine form after taking off over three decades. The set includes the classics “Local Girls” and “Protection.” The big focus is their reunion album Three Chords Good which sound as fine as their older material. It’s great to be able to enjoy the only great thing to come out of This Is 40 without getting bogged down in a plot. Did Apatow fake a whole movie so he could film this concert?

Star Trek Enterprise - Season Two finally brings the Klingons and Romulans to the series that imagined a time before Kirk was captain. The man who runs this early version of the legendary starship is Captain Archer (Quantum Leap’s Scott Bakula). His science officer is the Vulcan T’Pol (Jolene Blalock). For the second season Rick Berman and Brannon Braga contribute to a lot of scripts. Season opens with “Shockwave, Part II.” Can Archer get back his ship from the Suliban? “Carbon Creek” is another time early space travel history. This time we learn of Vulcans that ended up roaming around the Earth during the 1950s. This could have been a great Happy Days crossover episode like when Mork tried to abduct Richie. “Minefield” introduces the Romulans to the humans. Sadly it’s because the Enterprise gets stuck on a cloaked Romulan mine. Can they escape unscathed? “Dead Stop” spoils that adventure since now Archer must repair the damaged ship. “A Night in Sickbay” makes Archer go nuts while waiting in the hospital unit. They must not have Angry Birds in the future. “Stigma” has T’Pol catch something that other Vulcans must avoid. This might ruin her career. Captain Archer gets busted by the Klingons in “Judgment.” He’s put on trial of conspiracy. Better call Saul! “Regeneration” defrosts the Borg that have been trapped in Arctic Ice. “Bounty” has the Klingons offering a price for the return of Archer. “The Expanse” pits the Enterprise against an alien probe that’s already killed millions of Earthlings. They better save the Earth else how will Kirk live? The 26 episodes are spread over 26 Blu-ray discs. The bonus features include Commentary by Michael Sussman and Phyllis Strong on “Dead Stop” and “Regeneration,” Text commentary by Michael Okuda and Denise Okuda on “Stigma” and “First Flight,” Enterprise moments: season 2, Enterprise profile: Jolene Blalock, Levar Burton: Star Trek director, Enterprise secrets, Inside “A Night in Sickbay, Outtakes, Photo gallery and Deleted scenes. This was the second of four seasons that ran on UPN. Remember that network? Oddly enough while it was a short run for the show, it was still longer than the original Star Trek.

My Little Pony: Equestria Girls turns Twilight Sparkle and her pony pals into humans. Not just humans, but teenagers in high school. This movie had a weekend release around the country a few months ago. The Blu-ray brings the fun home including a documentary about the movie, plenty of Karaoke action and a way to make yourself into a pony. There’s also a DVD and digital copy in the boxset. I can try to explain the movie, but I’d rather let a four year old girl breakdown what she liked about the film.

DVD SHELF

Ultimate Wolverine Vs. Hulk features the battle of the century between the Clawed Wonder and the Green Machine. The six part comic book caused a sensation with the no holds barred battle that lived up to the title. Lost co-creator Damon Lindelof puts two of the toughest comic book superheroes against each other without any pity shared between the two. Artist Leinil Francis Yu and colorist Dave McCraig bring the carnage to your eyes. Luckily their work is transformed by the Marvel Knights Animation process to put their dynamic comic book panels into motion. You can tell right away that this battle isn’t going to be a disappointment since it opens with Wolverine missing his legs. It seems that the execution of the Hulk by S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn’t that effective. Nick Fury hires Wolverine to track down and exterminate the Hulk one more time. Can he pull it off? This is better than Ric Flair vs. Ricky Steamboat. Hard to imagine a live action version being a blissfully brutal as what’s achieved in this animation of the original comics.

Perry Mason: Season 9, Volume 2 brings to an end the classic black and white legal series that still gets plenty of play after over half a century. Perry Mason (Ironsides‘ Raymond Burr) gets his final 15 cases. This would be the end of his time with Paul Drake (William Hopper ) doing his legwork and almost the end of Della Street (Barbara Hale) working the desk. D.A. Hamilton Burger ( William Talman) must have been thrilled to no longer get slapped around in court each week. It’s just a shame that Lt. Drumm (The Six Million Dollar Man’s Richard Anderson) didn’t last long enough to get a pension. “The Case of the Midnight Howler” features Daniel J. Travanti (Hill Street Blues) as an out of control late night disc jockey. He was an early Howard Stern. “The Case of the Sausalito Sunrise” makes a suspect out of Allan Melvin (Sam the Butcher on The Brady Bunch). “The Case of the Twice Told Twist” turns on Victor Buono (King Tut on Batman). Perry’s car gets stripped for parts. “The Case of the Unwelcome Well” gets pumped up by James Best (Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane on Dukes of Hazzard. “The Case of the Crafty Kidnapper” makes me suspect Gary Collins (PM Magazine) and Cloris Leachman (Young Frankenstein) are in cahoots. “The Case of the Final Fade-Out” is a proper ending when there’s a murder on a TV set. Perry has to interview all the various tech positions on the set. Turns out all these people interviewed are longtime workers on Perry Mason. There’s a little goodbye star power with Dick Clark (American Bandstand), Denver Pyle (Dukes of Hazzard) and Jackie Coogan (The Addams Family). After 19 releases, the golden age of black and white Perry Mason is now available on DVD. This is a DVD shelf unto itself. There’s no news about the 26 made-for-TV movies that Raymond Burr made from 1985 until his death in 1993. But this should not be the end of Perry Mason.

Family Ties: The Seventh and Final Season brings to an end the Keaton family’s saga. No longer would the 80s have Alex P. Keaton(Michael J. Fox) to idolize. Although Fox would finally have time to focus on creating the greatness that was Doc Hollywood. Alex is still dating a pre-Friends’s Courtney Cox on the show. Nick (cool guy Scott Valentine) remains attached to Mallory (Justine Bateman). “Heartstrings” is three episode focused on Steven (Michael Gross) having a heart attack. His doctor is Phillip Baker Hall (Boogie Nights). Is dad going to survive to the final episode? “”Til Her Daddy Takes the T-Bird Away” brings back ’90s sexiest man alive Dan Hedaya (Clueless) to play Nick’s dad. “Alex Doesn’t Live Here Anymore” brings the show to a close with the oldest son finally out of college and taking his first job. He can’t live at home anymore so it’s a lot of tears and memories as he packs up. Thus as the ’80s drew to a close, a light went out in the Keaton’s house.

Rapture Palooza is a twisted tale about what will happen to those stuck on the Earth after the good folks are raptured up to Heaven. Like another End Times movie, this film stars a cast member of Freaks and Geeks. It’s John Francis Daley as a bigger dweeb. The good part about bring left in the post-rapture world is that he’s still got his girlfriend Anna Kendrick (Up In the Air). The bad part is Anna is still a virgin and won’t change even with the Anti-Christ (Hot Tub Time Machine’s Craig Robinson) now in charge. And the Anti-Christ has his eyes on banging Kendrick. Can Daley keep his lady pure? Can the Anti-Christ be anymore gross when he woos her? Also along for the apocalyptic fun is Rob Corddry (also Hot Tub Time Machine), Ana Gasteyer and Thomas Lennon. This is the perfect film to scare the Holy Rollers out of the living room. They cast Ken Jeong as God. Can anything be more scary? Corddry and Robinson crack each other up on the audio commentary. They also have a documentary, gag reel and deleted scenes. It’s just a fun way to imagine the end of the world.

Alyce Kills needs to be seen just for the performance of Eddie Rouse. I’ve worked with Eddie in the past on various project in Winston-Salem. It’s been nice seeing him pop up in major films such as American Gangster. Now he has a big role that allows him to dominate the trailer as the voice. Plus he got to work with Tracey Walter (Repo Man). He’s gets wrapped up with Alyce (Jade Dornfeld). She goes out for a fun night with her friend (Tamara Feldman). The fun stops suddenly when she pushes her friend off the side of a building. Luckily the friend survives, but Alyce loses it all with a massive paranoid fit. Sadly Eddie isn’t part of the cast interviews. The behind the scenes footage is shocking when you see how the movie was filmed. The days of renting the big package from Panavision is over. The only excuse you can have for not making your own horror film is a lack of friends who want to be killed. Luckily director Jay Lee had the smart idea to get to know Eddie Rouse.

Emperor delves into a time when General Douglas MacArthur had few rivals on the face of the Earth. MacArthur(Tommy Lee Jones) is set with the task of deciding how involved was Emperor Hirohito (Takataro Kataoka) when it came to Japan’s role in World War II. Culturally this is a tense time since at that point, the Emperor of Japan was considered a God on Earth. The fact that MacArthur is placing judgment on a God almost comes close to the military leader’s view of himself. General Fellers (Lost’s Matthew Fox) is given the heavy work of finding the evidence. Will MacArthur put a God to death? The movie explores the remains of Japan after its surrender to the allies. It’s a find performance from Fox as the snooping general who actually has to work and not merely review troops. A fine film to watch with your dad on a rainy Saturday.

CatDog: The Final Season wraps up the Nick animated season that really brought together Billy West (Ren and Stimpy) Tom Kenny (SpongeBob SquarePants) and Carlos Alazraqui (Deputy Garcia on Reno 911). Kenny and Jim Cummings give voice to creature that is half cat and dog. They’re a truly odd couple with the ability to more than run in circles chasing their tale. These are the final 8 seasons that ran during the fourth season it aired on Nickelodeon. “CatDog and the Great Parent Mystery” is their quest to find out how they were born. They track down their parents that turn out to be a frog and bigfoot. But there’s still no reason why they were born so weird. “Cat Gone Bad” has the Cat wanting to hang out with the cat neighbors that are beyond annoying to his Dog half. The show ended with “Meat Dog’s Friends” where Dog discovers where the stuff in his bowl comes from. He’s not sure if he can eat anymore knowing it could be his animal friends. The show is still a hoot after almost a decade off the air.

Care Bears: A Belly Badge for Wonderheart: The Movie is 65 minutes of the new CGI Carebears that airs on The Hub. Wonderheart Bear is eager to join the Cub Bouts. The only thing holding him back is the fact that Belly Badge isn’t considered active. She does what any kid in such a position does: fakes it. In this case she gets fake powers through a misplaced wish. Naturally this leads to a major disaster. She becomes the subject of an Amber Alert by ending up on top of a mountain during a severe weather event. This is not a good thing. Will she survive? Will she learn a lesson? Will there be musical moments to express the morality lesson? Of course, this is Carebears and not a Werner Herzog documentary. The bonus features are two music videos.

The Princess Twins of Legendale is from the people behind Lalaloopsy. Princess Dawn wants to live in a kingdom that lets the sun set once and a while. She conspires to visit the Forbidden Night World. This is an extremely dangerous voyage since the great divide between these spaces involves an evil sorceress. She discovers that she has a twin sister on the other side. Her name is Eve and has the same taste in music which makes them great for sing-alongs. The two royal sisters fixate on a plan to reunite the kingdoms so they can share in night and day action. The movie kept my preschooler happy for a while. The big bonus is five episodes of Bratzillaz. There’s more brat action in that show than tailgater at a Chicago Bears games.

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