My old man raised me on a steady diet of classic comedy. He showed me the greats: Jackie Gleason, Carroll O’Connor, and Mel Brooks, and because of such, I will ever be thankful to him. However, that son of a bitch known as Time refused to stop passing and swept The Bunkers, The Kramdens, and The Nortons, away. It’s now no stretch of the imagination to say that time has set its sites on Mel Brooks’s wonderful “cast†of players. Hopefully, this will be posted within a week of his passing, but I write this on the morning after the announcement that Harvey Korman, at 81, had died.
It can be admitted, with slight hesitation, that upon reading about the demise of Mr. Korman last night I shed what seemed to be some sort of clear liquid from my eyeballs. It seems as though the thought of such a talented comic legend leaving a world in which film comedy is nigh dead, and TV comedy only seems to work if it’s animated, my cold, cynical, blackened, skeptic’s heart actually pumped a few droplets of red sludge and gave my body just enough sustenance to urge some moisture toward the ocular cavity. I cried. I man-cried. This wasn’t weeping because the love of your life rejected you, or sobbing because you cut your finger with a bagel slicer, or moping around the house in a bathrobe depressed that your life turned out shittier then you were told it would. This was a few extremely rare droplets of moisture shed by a man when one of his heroes, someone he truly respects, looks up to, and even idolizes, bought the farm. Yes, I do realize how obvious it is that I’m trying to justify the tears, but at least give me points for the admission.
Writing about Mr. Korman without mentioning The Carol Burnett Show or Tim Conway would be irresponsible. That was simply one of the greatest comedy series of all time, Conway and Korman perhaps one of the funniest duos to ever grace the small screen. Also, let us not forget that Harvey was the voice of The Great Gazoo on The Flintstones, and portrayed several roles in the wonderfully unwatchable Star Wars Holiday Special. I’ve read that George Lucas hates the Holiday Special so vehemently that he would burn every copy in existence if he had the chance, so Mr. Korman being an active member in something that causes Mr. Lucas distress makes him even that much cooler. However, I’m going to put all his amazing television work aside, because this is a movie column, and as my love for Harvey Korman stems from film specifically.
Just as Carol Burnett gave us Harvey on TV, Mel Brooks gave us Harvey on the silver screen. In High Anxiety, Brooks’s spoof of Hitchcock, Korman gives probably his most manic performance as the evil Dr. Charles Montague. The scene in which he torments the patient by shooting him in the neck with paper clips and making werewolf faces is drop dead funny. Also (and I couldn’t count on fingers and toes how many times I needed to defend this movie) Harvey Korman’s performance in Dracula: Dead and Loving It is absolutely perfect. Even if the film falls flat for you, the interplay in the scenes between Peter Macnicol as Renfield and Harvey Korman as Dr. Seward makes the whole movie worthwhile. There is something inherently genius in the pretentious, almost-effeminate asshole line delivery that Harvey Korman pulls off like no other; it was all acting, even at an old age like he was in Dracula.
He stayed sharp till the end. There was no doubt about it. And NO ONE and I mean NO ONE could touch Mr. Korman’s comedic edge in Blazing Saddles and History of the World Part 1 respectively. For my money, there aren’t many things on this planet funnier than Harvey Korman correcting people on how to pronounce his character’s name. As Hedy Lamarr (THAT’S HEDLEY!) in Blazing Saddles, probably his best known performance, he basically steals every scene if not the entire movie, a movie which is also one of, if not the THE, funniest film ever. He was firing on all cylinders. Every word, every evil grin, every line that came out of his mouth was of a comedic note higher than most funnymen ever reach in their life. Today, most film and comedy actors simply let the writing and moronic situations speak for them, thus REAL acting takes a back seat in lieu of silly concepts. Simply studying the scene in Saddles when Slim Pickens first meets with Hedley will show how dedicated comedians, especially Korman himself, used to be to completely selling the role. The timing alone, especially when Mel Brooks (as the GOV) and Harvey Korman share the screen makes most modern day funny men seem limp. Will there ever be anything as funny as Mr. Brooks and Mr. Korman bursting out into intentionally fake laughter only to stop a moment later, stare questioningly into each other’s eyes and give a loud disgruntled “hhhhrrrrrmmmm?†If you ask me, no…probably not.
Harvey Korman’s portrayal of Count De Monet is considerably shorter then his other roles in Brooks’ films, yet it contains perhaps his best screen moments. Found in the French Revolution segment of History of the World Part 1, is the ever-classic argument between Count Da Money (De Monet…De Monet…) and his assistant Bearnaise. The two of them overflowing with homosexual tension, wearing comically huge French wigs, griping about who the “delicious raisins†belong to, and delivering every line with heavily suggestive eye and finger movements make this rather short scene searingly funny. One wonders how you even get through a scene like that. Watching a master like Harvey Korman work is a wonderful pleasure, from the way he pulls that monocle up to his eye for a split second to the way he pronounces the word “raisins.†When Bearnaise gives up the raisins and shows some attitude, Harvey, of course, says one of the greatest quotes in all of comedy cinema: “Don’t be saucy with me, Bearnaise…†That scene is soon followed by the Count exclaiming to the King “My Lord, you look just like the piss-boy!†followed by Mel Brooks as the King retorting with “and you look like a bucket of SHIT!†Absolutely genius, especially considering the way Korman maintains the gay vibe through out, carrying the S at the end of “piss†just enough to make it infectiously quotable.
Venturing a guess of large proportions, it would seem that there is no greater compliment to any man (or woman) then to have others say you made them laugh, after you’re gone and especially when you were here. Harvey Korman did just that, he made us laugh for decades, and probably will continue to do so for many more. You were a legend Mr. Korman, a master of “the funny,†and I hope future generations will enjoy your work even 1/100th of how much I did. My thoughts are with his family and friends.
The Strangers (2008) Review ************SPOILERS**************
I never listened to Rob Zombie’s music. All I remember was that there was a White Zombie song in The Cable Guy, Astrocreep 2000 I think, and part of the music video for Dragula was watched by the main character in Idle Hands for a few seconds. Never was a fan, but was familiar with his reputation and his molten lust for old horror movies, so when he started writing and directing films I showed up. House of 1000 Corpses was essentially a pointless remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Yet, somehow less pointless then the actual remake of TCM.) The Devil’s Rejects was Texas Chainsaw Massacre Goes on a Road Trip, and it was pretty well done if viewed through glasses with a 70’s tint. However, even though Rejects was very solid, this is when the horror/film community started to ask the question “How many times can they remake Texas Chainsaw Massacre?â€
The unique concept that keeps bringing us back to TCM is, believe it or not, completely unrelated to Texas or…well…chainsaws. It’s the concept, the gruesome idea, of a family that kills innocents AS a family for no other reason then they want to…they get off on it. Them doing it as a unit amplified what was already so chilling about serial killers, they were murderers, all of them, firmly supported by their family members. They operated as a cult, a team of killers, all to accomplish one thing…obtain victims and collectively enjoy their torture and death. It’s a horrifying concept, made all the more horrid by the very strange macabre type things they did. Their actions almost defied explanation, any human that wasn’t part of the family was a victim of the family, no discrimination, people were just meat to be cut up in very odd ways, they were just that fucking insane, which made it all the more interesting to watch. How many times can they remake Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Well, the answer as of right now is…one more time.
The Strangers, written and directed by first timer Bryan Bertino could be called Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Home Delivery. Now, instead of the family capturing victims and bringing them back to their pad, they are kind enough not to bother the soon-to-be slaughtered with all the annoying travel time. It’s a TCM for the times we are currently surrounded in, sure the serial murdering family will slice you up…but they really respect how high gas prices have gotten.
If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve seen the entire plot. That’s it, no surprises, no more dialogue from the killers, no real reasons to not just save $10 and watch the trailer twenty times in a row sitting in a darkened room with some microwaved popcorn. The plot is this. There is a couple, they have relationship problems, they go to a remote cabin in the woods, three masked people show up, fuck with them, kill them, then leave. Insert a lot of cheap jump cuts, some really boring characterization about boring characters, cliché horror movie victim-stupidity and you basically just saw the movie.
Strangers is a remake of TCM because it’s a family killing people together for essentially no reason. It pales in comparison to TCM because of the banal nature in which the family does it. They run around the house, throw shit, knock on the door, and basically fuck with this couple almost the same as any teenagers would. The only hint of weird we get served here is the morbid face coverings themselves, which if any praise is deserved by the film it’s for the wonderfully creepy masks the three killers adorn, especially the “sack†mask, it’s a really chilling visual. Too bad the promise in the designs of the masks never pays off with a boring script that seems to have been written by a machine.
********here’s where the major spoilers come in***********
We find out early in the movie that the couple, I have no clue what their names were nor do I find it remotely worth the effort to look them up, was just coming home from a wedding. The man, Scott Speedman, asked the woman, Liv Tyler, to marry him and she turned him down. They still go to the cabin anyway, but Speedman’s character calls his best friend and asks him if he can pick him up first thing in the morning. Well, in the midst of the onslaught by the insane murdering family, Scott Speedman obtains a shotgun and him and Liv hold up in a room, gun pointed at the door ready to shoot anything that moves. They are completely set, they actually did something smart, for about five minutes the movie became very refreshing. Then, of course, the friend decides to show up early, he walks in the house to find his friend, walks to the room and gets shot in the face by Speedman.
Now, at this point I was totally rooting for the movie, they could take this in a really cool direction…they don’t. After they get done crying and initially mourning the fact that he just shot his best friend in the face, they try to make a run for it and as they leave the house they see on the back door the word KILLER written in what seemed to be lipstick. The family just succeeded in something much cooler then murdering the couple, they tricked the couple into murdering their friend; it could have birthed genius. The movie continues, they fuck with the couple more, they eventually subdue both of them. Cut to morning, the sun is up; the couple find themselves tied to chairs in the living room with the three masked strangers staring them down with knife in hand.
Now, at this very moment in the flick, it would seem that the coolest possible script would have the killers, who are still masked mind you, simply drop the knife, walk out of the house and drive away. They could even tease them a bit more, make them think they are about to die, then have the climax of dropping the knife and just walking away, giving a THINKING audience a good breathe of fresh air. Why would that be great? Because then it wouldn’t be just another pale remake of TCM, it would be a movie all to itself…it would be a movie about a family that fucks with people, for no reason, ruins their lives by forcing them to murder someone they know and just walking away with the twisted satisfaction that they haven’t done nearly anything as awful as what they forced someone else to do. They would still be sick, twisted killers, but with a completely righteous attitude that screams “FUCK YOU, WE DIDN’T KILL ANYONE, ALL WE DID WAS THROW SHIT AT YOUR HOUSE.†It would be an ending akin to the recent wonderful and ballsy ending in the Frank Darabont written The Mist, which has the dual nature of showing a man condemning himself to hell while being saved from it at the same time. This could have been similar, except the killers are the ones saving them (by letting them live,) while damming them to a life of guilt at the same time.
So, what actually happens? The Strangers take off their masks, the audience never gets to see their faces, then they stab the couple to death and leave. That’s it. Even the stabbing felt so generic, just stabbed them in the stomach like serial killing robots without any verve. Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t like watching gore, nor do I like the idea of human beings getting stabbed to death or feel the need to down play it, but this is a movie. If you are going to have killers killing for no reason, make them interesting. They spend all this time fucking with this couple just to boringly stab them to death? This family goes to so much trouble, I mean, if your going to murder innocent people ANYWAY…have some fun with it…fuck in front of them while they cry, make them fuck in front of you while you cry, saw off one of their arms and beat them to death with it, piss on their face, shit in a bowl of ice cream and force feed it to them, ANYTHING to make it interesting. No, they just stab them and then leave. It really makes you wonder how something so bland could make it to the big screen. All the time and effort wasted on what amounts to scary masks and a few jump cuts for the audience members with low IQs. What does this movie bring to the genre? It goes the route of TCM by having them murder, but not in nearly any memorable way, the end makes the entire experience one fleeting useless venture.
Mutt Williams and the Kingdom of the CGI Gophers
Those of you that were kind enough to read my last column should know that I plan to eat a few of my words. The words I’m referring to are the ones found in the second to last paragraph. I don’t think much needs to be explained other then I (we) were very misled by certain statements made about the technical creation of Indiana Jones 4. I admit that my anticipation of said movie was extremely high, as I am a rabid Indy trilogy fan of the highest order. All I am going to say on the subject, because it’s just to painful to discuss, is when Indy rode off into the sunset 20 years ago, for me, that’s where it ends. Also, keeping in mind that film is my life, my ultimate life defining reaction to watching said movie is best summed up in a simple phrase I said to my buddy (and fellow Quick Stop columnist) Ian: “I feel like my heroes are dying, and my heroes are the ones killing them.â€
Also, speaking of shitty things happening to great trilogies, The Clock Tower from Back To The Future (my favorite flick ever!) burned down.
Check out the story here
Thanks for reading, let me know what you guys thought of The Strangers.
Comments: 2 Comments
2 Responses to “Opinion In A Haystack: Don’t Be Saucy To Strangers”Leave a Reply |
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:19 am
Good Stuff Bob, I didnt shed a tear, but i felt the pain with the death of Korman, and Pollack this week, rough stuff for film fans.
While reading the bit about ‘The Strangers’ , it reminded me of a movie I saw a few months back. ‘Funny Games’ it is a direct shot for shot remake of a film by the same director(i dont remember his name, and dont feel like IMDBing it) except for this one is in english.
But it has the same kinda of idea, two college kids, decide to go kill people in there million dollar vacation homes. It had all the potential to be a bad cliched movie, but it had some refreashing differences to it, it was more then just a little distrubing with the uber-violent moments. The thing that made it great, was the two kids were ridicously polite. It made the movie. I’m not a horror fan at all, but I actually enjoyed that one. Check it out.
As far as Indy goes, I almost cried about it, the CGI was shit, but the story bothered me the most, I won’t say anything about it, except it felt like a cop-out, it could have been more inventive like the others.
-Chuck
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:53 am
thanks chuck…yeah i’ve heard of funny games…I will probably put it on my netflix, I’m pretty sure I saw it on AT THE MOVIES with Richard Roeper…he hated it…but I often disagree with him.