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By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

I’m awesome. I wrote a book. It’s got little to do with movies. Download and read “Thank You, Goodnight” right HERE for free.

First things first, yes, I actually left my house on a Saturday for a free T-shirt and, yes, I dragged my two girls along with me. And, yes, I got a few more shirts, assorted swag and I am going to be giving out a few of these things in the coming weeks. We might have a contest, stay tuned.

It’s odd to try and explain why I would ensconse myself in this experiment of movie marketing, by definition this was all an exercise in making people buy into this film and to spend money on it, but I can give two definitive reasons about what drove me to see this “Dentmobile” stop along its way to other cities across America:

1. I read this piece in Wired magazine about the proliferation of ways marketing departments are trying to infiltrate the youth demo in ways that don’t overtly make it known that commerce is at the root of its mere existence and the fascinating psychology about why this is better than any movie trailer or pseudo interview by some shill of a movie star about why you should depart with your money to see their film.

2. I just wanted to see what kind of crazies would also turn out on a Saturday morning who weren’t there on the pretense of reporting back in their own columns.

One of the things that struck me as I stood at the corner of Indian School and Scottsdale road at 10:50 a.m., ten minutes before the Dentmobile’s scheduled appearance, was how other dudes (and don’t kid yourself. This is all about the dudes. The hardcore, real geeky variety.) were giving each other the Larry Craig two-step in trying to figure out who was there at the busy corner of a suburban tourist destination and were in on the secret.

I struck up a conversation with the obvious fan who donned a Dark Knight logo-ed t-shirt about how he found out about this as I did: I received an e-mail just days before giving me little time to plan/re-think whether I wanted to actually go out and see this in person. The guy was amiable enough, he told me he was an extra in BATMAN BEGINS and was part of a crowd scene that required him to spend a lot of time on the set. He didn’t mention ever seeing Christian Bale but he did comment that he was impressed with Christopher Nolan’s sense of dress on the set. As we spoke, another fellow geek strolled up, established that we were now 3 strong (5 if you could my 2 year-old on my shoulders and my 4 year-old twisting around my hips) with a few patches of other smaller groups that were all looking at one another as if this was some FBI sting ready to go down. The newest dweeb talked about his previous contact with this virulent strain of viral marketing for the film and was one of those, locally, who tracked down a Joker cake that had a phone inside of it. Now, I thought these were given out to select members of the media but from his frenzied storytelling of how the charade went down to his cryptic mentioning that even though the phone was a pre-paid one someone added minutes to it in late January. No one knows what this could be, if anything, but it certainly adds to the sensational intricacies Warner Bros. is taking with this project.

It wasn’t until about 11:14 when I thought I was the one who was the idiot who drove almost a half and hour to get there to maybe, possibly, we’re-not-quite-sure catch the sight of a van that would be distributing oodles of free crap. Not just any crap but quality crap from the DARK KNIGHT.

And that’s about the time when we saw the van. What was amusing about the sighting is that we all zombified at that moment, following the slow pace of the van and walking towards it en masse as if it were playing an ice cream jingle only we could hear. Following it down a few streets, back to where it first appeared to then having a mall cop ask the Dentmobile’s ambassadors, two dudes who looked fresh off a Nine Inch Nails concert bender, to move elsewhere. To their credit I have to say the guys representing WB really got into the shtick. They started schilling for this fake candidate with the same kind of vigor and exuberance that any person going to a road rally for an Obama or McCain campaign stop would get in a small dose. Shit, for a while I thought I would be voting for Harvey Dent in the next election. Stuffed with scads of buttons, stickers, campaign signs, to say nothing of the sweet ass shirts, I had gotten my campaign fill. A few of those who I was chatting with before the Dentmobile arrived were coaxed by the campaign workers to actually shout at passing cars in support of Dent’s election campaign.

I was amazed.

People were walking up sidewalks, being prompted by no one, shouting at cars to vote for Harvey Dent. There was no prize, no extra swag for doing so, but these people were there chanting for Dent’s election. This was where I drew my proverbial line, I was into this but I wasn’t stupid, and left my fellow fans to ponder what made this Kool-Aid so delicious. Maybe it’s the thrill of being a part of a marketing machine, maybe it was because no one working on this campaign ever asked me to go see THE DARK KNIGHT and treated this as a real rally or maybe it fills some fictitious void in the participants’ lives. That’s certainly not a bad thing considering what else it could be filled with and everyone there looked like they were having a great time being there. The people present stretched over all sorts of age lines, you had a lots of other little kids who were no doubt dragged by their weird ass fathers, and even the guy who looked like a victim of not only a serious case of albinoism, but appeared alopecia was a concern as well, and went as far as to get that odd symbol that kept popping up in Heroes this season tattooed on his forearm looked like he was there for some scary fun.

I am only left to think that there are really Super Fans out there who are really into what this film’s promotion wants you to believe. It’s convincing enough to make an otherwise normal human being to shout at passing cars.

Here, then, are the photos from last Saturday’s Dentmobile experience:


There it was, rolling through the lily white and gentrified streets of Scottsdale

 


“Where’s the Dentmobile going, guys?”

 


Free shit. We want free shit…

 


The anticipation is almost too much by this point…

 


The guy standing in black on the right? Brought a copy of the THANK YOU FOR SMOKING DVD, he did. At first I thought he knew something I didn’t. I quickly deduced he did not.

 


Guy wiping his nose? Scary as all fu$%. And hey, you can see Albino Boy in the way back. Just as scary, friends.

 


Free stuff is the privilege of being an American.

 


The back of this badonkadonk is straight trippin’, yo.

 


The woman rocking the mullet in the front here was rough trade. I’m sure I could have hit that for a t-shirt and a few buttons.

 

Dentmobile, Scottsdale
More mullet goodness and the mightiest set of nerds this side of Phoenix. The guy with the Batman shirt should have been schooled by the Jeremy Piven PCU rules concerning outerwear.

 

Dentmobile, Scottsdale
Where was Ogre from REVENGE OF THE NERDS shouting “NEEEEERRRRDS!”, hanging out of an Escalade, when I needed him to materialize the most?

 

Dentmobile, Scottsdale
Dentmobile, Scottsdale
Dentmobile, Scottsdale
Dentmobile, Scottsdale
I apologize in advance to my daughters for indulging their crazy father. I’m at a loss to determine who had more fun hunting down this fake van.

RUN, FAT BOY, RUN (2008)

Director: David Schwimmer
Cast: Simon Pegg, Hank Azaria, Ameet Chana, Dylan Moran, Thandie Newton, Harish Patel
Release:
March 28, 2008
Synopsis: Five years ago Dennis (Simon Pegg) was at the altar about to marry Libby (Thandie Newton), his pregnant fiancée. He got cold feet and ran for the hills and he’s been going in circles ever since. When Dennis discovers Libby’s hooked up with high-flying-go-getter Whit (Hank Azaria), he realizes it’s now or never. He enters a marathon to show he’s more than a quitter but then finds out just how much sweat, strain and tears it takes to run for 26 miles. Nobody gives him a chance but Dennis knows this is his only hope to more than a running joke.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. I wasn’t a fan of HOT FUZZ.

I thought it was a nice diversion of sorts and that its comedy, spoofing and lampooning other action films, wasn’t so much of a satire or ironic as it was just a little pedantic. I certainly enjoyed having Spaced on my TiVo but I’m not one, like many out there do, to give a the written equivalent of a happy ending to every Pegg project. That said, I am a big Simon Pegg fan. He’s got the presence of a comedian and funny man without exhibiting the characteristics of those like him who try way too hard to be amusing. He seems likable and honestly feels like an Everyman.

In this trailer, he’s just absolutely endearing.

I’m a little unsure of the voiceover used to kick things off in this thing that uses the conceit of relationships as marathons. The words about dedication, discipline and determination ring a little hollow as they would if you saw them on an 8th grade essay asking someone to compare and contrast relationships and marathons.

The set-up, thankfully, comes rather quickly after that and we’ve got the movie set up before us in a matter of seconds. So, he’s a bit of a cad, almost like our anti-hero in HIGH FIDELITY, and he needs to make “one last attempt” to get into the good graces of his ex in the hopes he can woo her away from Hank Azaria by getting in shape for a marathon. I’ve seen Hank’s ass in ALONG CAME POLLY and I can unfortunately report that Simon doesn’t have a chance.

The bits that show Simon stretching outside of his house in some rather obscenely short shorts is hilarious as is his meeting with Hank in the locker room and being face to face with the wang that is being used to schtupp his ex-girlfriend. The scene, however brief, is enough to make me smile as you just track the expression on Simon’s face. As well, His inability to choke down raw egg yolks is just as good and it’s a brilliant send-up to all those pictures where dudes choke them down like they were milkshakes.

What’s more, and this is rather impressive, the trailer does a salchow of a jump and lands squarely on the side of serious drama where we see what Simon’s previous actions, walking out on his pregnant fiancée the first time, has permanently scarred the relationships he has now. It’s a bold move and one that usually isn’t one that’s allowed to come out, especially when you’re trying to sell this as a comedy, but it works and it’s poignant.

The trailer ends with the promise of a great story that happens to be punctuated with laughs along the way. It’s premise and execution seems fresh and that’s simply all I need in order to be convinced that I will buy into this film’s pitch. Too many times the trailers that accompany films depend on that sense of categorization. It’s the reason why you hear people talk about a movie being just the opposite of what they were sold in a commercial. Good or bad aside, selling a film based on only one aspect of a film’s content is not only false advertising but it leaves a bad taste in the mouths of those who bought into it. Thankfully, this preview puts itself out there to be seen as both funny and, hopefully, poignant.

THE INCREDIBLE HULK (2008)

Director: Louis Leterrier
Cast: Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth, William Hurt
Release:
June 13, 2008
Synopsis: THE INCREDIBLE HULK kicks off an all-new, explosive and action-packed epic of one of the most popular superheroes of all time. In this new beginning, scientist Bruce Banner (Edward Norton) desperately hunts for a cure to the gamma radiation that poisoned his cells and unleashes the unbridled force of rage within him: The Hulk.

Living in the shadows—cut off from a life he knew and the woman he loves, Betty Ross (Liv Tyler)—Banner struggles to avoid the obsessive pursuit of his nemesis, General Thunderbolt Ross (William Hurt), and the military machinery that seeks to capture him and brutally exploit his power.

View Trailer:
* Large (Yahoo Media)

Prognosis: Negative. I usually set the bar really low when it comes to what I expect out of my summer movie trailers.

You already know at the outset that the content for the film is nothing more than what will pay for a large percentage of the operating costs for the studio the other 51 weeks of the year and the only function of the film trailer for these films is to speak to my base needs as a male. Mayhem, explosions, flashing lights, shiny spoons, all these things should be the stock and trade of any good trailer maker for a summer but this one decides to buck tradition and just show me something that I would expect to find in late August.

I’m amazed this is what passes for a preview for the “reboot” of THE INCREDIBLE HULK.

One of the first things, right off the bat, that this trailer suffers from is a really, really, limp and emotional beginning. What do I care that Ed Norton is having internal problems with controlling the Hulk? I won’t even get creative with the way I say it, I simply don’t. You’ve been given a golden opportunity to really make me excited by this second chance opportunity and what I get is two dudes sharing wine on a barcalounger talking about repression; for god’s sake, these two men look like they’re moments away from mashing each other’s dinner (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Instead of unveiling the second coming, I get STEEL MAGNOLIAS.

Then, they play coy.

Some random, prototypical “bad guy” is flung through the air, through some glass of an abandoned warehouse (these places are magnets for people like this) and you’ve got Tim Roth looking all greasy and slimy. Shit, could they make anyone more of a walking, hackneyed plot device? The only thing missing is a Hello My Name Is…Bad Guy Numero Uno.

We get treated to the Required Reading that explains the situation to the laypeople in the audience and while I don’t begrudge anyone from doing the requisite fill-in for many out there who have never heard of this green beast you would figure the rest of us would get something good to look at, not the pensive Banner shots I am sure will pepper this film. Beyond that, Roth being shown as someone else who is injected, I think, with the kind of radiation that will ultimately turn him into the Abomination.

Now, when we have the villain tearing up the city, Banner up above giving that lame, brave speech that he has to be the one to stop it, I am almost laughing at how much melodrama is infused into the moment when he gently lets go of Liv Tyler’s hands and falls gently out the back of what looks like a C-130.

I know this borders on dream casting but I would have loved to see Norton pull up his sack and get pumped before flinging himself out of the plane. I don’t want Gandhi going into war I want a Russell Crowe, GLADIATOR, kind of man to slap his hands together, knows what needs to be done and is ready to rip some shit up. I want someone who knows he has the Hulk inside of him and knows that he’s about to choke a bitch out. No, what we get is Lyle, The Effeminate Heterosexual ready to do battle with the Abomination.

When we do see the Hulk I am just spent with trying to articulate why the trailer has pissed me off. I liked the roaring, the squaring off with one another, and even the eventual clashing of the two of them. I’m embarrassed for Louis Leterrier that the street these two CGI figures run down is perfectly clean and that all detritus is squarely off to the side. Couldn’t someone have put people, wayward cars in the way? I mean, after all, they are both fake so how hard could putting in a dumpster be? It looks staged and, to me, I appreciate a wayward bus that gets clipped in TRANSFORMERS than I am by the prospect that these two digital creations will duke it out for an extended period of time.

Pathetic.

Comments: 3 Comments

3 Responses to “Trailer Park: Dentmobile Goodness in Scottsdale, Arizona”

  1. SG Dave Says:

    I’m going to see the Dentmobile tomorrow afternoon and I’m now definitely taking my video camera with me. Great writeup as always sir! Oh, and I’m thinking you’ll like Run Fat Boy Run. It’s awesome.

  2. RICH N. Says:

    The guy with the Batman shirt should have been schooled by the Jeremy Piven PCU rules concerning outerwear.

    Possibly one of your best references ever.

    And thank God the kids look like Mommy!

    Keep up the good work.

  3. Rachel Says:

    Man, I’m continually amazed at all the extra-curricular activities you do in order to provide us with such variety in your weekly column! Your girls are precious!

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