FRED Entertainment

January 18, 2008

Trailer Park: Red Princess Blues

Filed under: Columns,Trailer Park — admin @ 12:03 am

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

Instead of putting off and putting off and putting off my vow to somehow market my first book I am letting people download my first book for free. Give it a preview or read the whole thing for free. Download and read my “Thank You, Goodnight” right HERE.

One of the utterly delightful things about this column (going on five years and still flying deep under the radar…An omen, to be sure) is that I always wanted to use it for the greater good. I just don’t have an encyclopedic sense of cinema like some geeks do; I simply enjoy lots of movies but don’t purport to possess any academic knowledge or deep understanding what made Fellini so remarkable or why THE LAST WALTZ is anything more than the film of some jug band which I have no interest in ever seeing.

Hence, I always like to throw lots against the wall to see what sticks with regard to new talent, any talent, which wanders into my INBOX. A long time ago one such filmmaker wanted to get my Average Joe opinion about a film he had done. That person was Alex Ferrari and his movie was called BROKEN. I was stunned by the level of sophistication that short film possessed and I was eager to see what else this guy could churn out with his next entry. It scares me, sometimes, to see that people really are capable of only good idea in their lifetime and that everything that comes after sometimes pales to that one good effort. Alex, though, has something far more compelling to give the world than his breakthrough short which, in and of itself was the true definition of independence with regard to making an action movie on a budget, and that is RED PRINCESS BLUES.

This animated short pushes the boundaries of what traditional animation is capable of when you don’t have a budget like Pixar and when you don’t want your film to look like it came out of a Disney back alley. Alex not only employs a different medium, his last being live action, but he incorporates what he’s learned from his first film as it relates to pacing, direction and ambiance. The latter can make or break a film like this, the entire production is less than ten minutes long but it never feels like a short, and Alex masterfully orchestrates a voice-over by Paula Garces (HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE) whose voice drips delicately, and deceptively, with animation that looks like it was tightly polished with a shoe boy’s rag.

It’s visually arresting and engaging in a post-modern homage to reflecting the kind of animated, hard boiled crime tales that have been employed in films like KILL BILL. It’s no longer acceptable to only have animation sing and dance to music set by Broadway, it’s now the domain for gritty fiction and stories that don’t use chatty crabs or talking toys.

What makes RED PRINCESS BLUES a delight is the use of Paula’s natural voice talent as it pertains, and as it’s juxtaposed against, to our young hero’s predilection for violence. It’s not that we’re already talking about a girl younger than most middle schoolers, but it’s her story and the obfuscation of what’s really going on that keeps the viewer wondering what is really happening. Good, don’t tell me everything; I think it’s the one thing that mires so many lesser talented filmmakers who think that everything needs to be set up and explained within the first five minutes of a film. It’s OK to slowly set things up and Alex gets that and it’s damn near painful to have to sit through as he builds up to what is a climax of Prelude proportions.

The director, Dan Cregan, deserves a lot of credit for developing the manner in which the animation doesn’t depend on mumbling mouths but on dramatic movements that speak louder than anything that could be measured on a script. The weight that the overall piece has as a result of this style of animation can’t be understated when compared to other shorts of its kind. Where some lean too heavily on set pieces that are bathed in wanton violence this short excels by being understated, calm, about its execution.

This is the definition of what a good tease should be: a little exposition, a little mystery and a whole lot of heart. This little movie that could, has, and it shows in every frame.

STRANGE WILDERNESS (2008)

Director: Fred Wolf
Cast:
Steve Zahn, Allen Covert, Jonah Hill, Justin Long, Jeff Garlin, Kevin Heffernan
Release: February 1, 2008
Synopsis:
The story follows the hosts (Zahn and Covert) of fictional wildlife TV show “Strange Wilderness,” which is headed toward extinction because of bad ratings; they hatch a scheme to find the one animal that can save the show — Bigfoot.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Negative. What a miserable looking movie.

I don’t to be too hard on a film that has Justin Long, Steve Zahn, Jonah Hill, that fat guy from the SUPER TROOPERS flick, and those two other perfunctory additions to every Adam Sandler movie, but this looks painfully miserable. The trailer itself isn’t even slightly provocative in a way that would tempt me to see one of the guys who made SUPERBAD so damn good and the other guy who has a nice way about slamming Microsoft.

One of the problems, I think, is that the trailer lingers too long, way too long, on the opening sequence where we’re supposed to find funny that there’s this nature show which is narrated with a lot of bad information. I mean, that’s funny, right? Bears are named after a football team in Chicago? I mean, who wouldn’t find that screechingly hilarious? Salmon attacks on bears are rare. We’re not talking comedy gold, we’re hip deep in platinum folks!

Seriously, this is excruciatingly painful to see play out even if there’s Ernest Borgnine, ½ of the greatest television show ever created, Airwolf, playing a silent second fiddle. There’s an amazing cast of potential funny people, even those who graduated with a degree in physics can attest to the law of potential energy, but instead of dropping that ball off a roof to have its power unleashed we’ve got Jeff Garlin for a split second telling Zahn and Co. that their show sucks the big balloon knot and that they’re cancelled. No shit, Sherlock?

The one shining moment in this trailer comes through a passive visual gag, literally, with Justin Long’s tattoo on his eyelids. If PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN hadn’t already employed the trick in a dramatic moment of its trailer last year this would’ve been even funnier but this is a bright spot in an otherwise crap preview. Justin plays it well and he seems like the best suited for a role where he has to play the requisite stoner everyone will find amusing.

What’s even more odd is that the trailer makers employ the tactic of shoving a bunch of cut scenes together for one long giggle reel but without knowing what they’re all laughing at for any given moment it has the effect of looking rather pathetic and feeling like it’s pandering for smiles. Jonah’s visual gag (what the fuck is with all the physical humor in this thing?) of wearing women’s underwear, again, has been used elsewhere and it just doesn’t seem like something that’s a worthy explanation of why I would want to burn a ten spot to see this tripe.

And, for a hundred dollars, can anyone give me a logical explanation why we’re subjected to a good percentage of running time just to hear someone goofing on a shark’s set of teeth? I mean, literally, we get the reel running again and again with the same goofy ass audio, I guess it’s an effort to show how fucking funny this movie is going to be, with absolutely no payoff whatsoever. If this movie didn’t look so shitty I would say it’s a pretty ballsy move.

Instead, I hope this movie catches the plague at the box office.

HANCOCK (2008)

Director: Peter Berg
Cast:
Will Smith, Charlize Theron, Jason Bateman
Release: July 2, 2008
Synopsis:
There are heroes”¦ there are superheroes”¦ and then there’s Hancock (Will Smith). With great power comes great responsibility ““ everyone knows that ““ everyone, that is, but Hancock. Edgy, conflicted, sarcastic, and misunderstood, Hancock’s well-intentioned heroics might get the job done and save countless lives, but always seem to leave jaw-dropping damage in their wake. The public has finally had enough ““ as grateful as they are to have their local hero, the good citizens of Los Angeles are wondering what they ever did to deserve this guy. Hancock isn’t the kind of man who cares what other people think ““ until the day that he saves the life of PR executive Ray Embrey (Jason Bateman), and the sardonic superhero begins to realize that he may have a vulnerable side after all. Facing that will be Hancock’s greatest challenge yet ““ and a task that may prove impossible as Ray’s wife, Mary (Charlize Theron), insists that he’s a lost cause.

View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. Damn you, Will Smith, for your magnetic charisma and debonair good looks!

I really tried not to like this trailer after seeing the theater standee for this movie at my local Cineplex; I mean the thing was 15 fucking feet tall of just his face, all puckered up and bristly, with his pores exposed to the world. I really didn’t know what this was all about but I was determined not to like it for the visual assault on my senses.

Then I saw the trailer and thought better of it.

The movie really does look like something new and different in the superhero genre. I realize some are talking about it as the next logical step in exploring what it is to be a superhero in the movies but with films that already stepped gently into the post-modern superhero genre, MY SUPER EX-GIRLFRIEND being a miserable example, I think a movie like this is different. We’re not going to be seeing the superhero story being told differently from the sheer standpoint that the scale this movie seems to be on, the massively popular summer movie, is ill-equipped to deal with a real examination of what it means to be a superhero in the 21st century. You could certainly see how a comic book like Powers could be a smashing independent feature by dealing with some of the peculiarities of the modern hero mythos but this just looks like it’s going to do it in broad strokes.

And that’s fine! Will is a box office juggernaut whenever he flashes those white pearlies on the screen in his Will Smithian way and his appearance here is perfectly suited to his personality.

When we’re introduced to him and what he’s all about, the obligatory cards prepping us with the idea of there being heroes, superheroes and, you guessed it, Hancock, you have to be impressed with the thought of there being this guy who is homeless yet is able to fly off the cement bench he slept on the night before is intriguing.

Cue hip-hop soundtrack.

I like the visuals, of him whizzing by a passing airliner, him crashing into a road sign, him taking out a cop car of two in the process (reminds me of a great comic book series in 1989, Damage Control, which dealt with the physical aftermath of what heroes did to a city after they were done battling in it) and it establishes quite effectively the character’s persona. Why should I care about this guy? Because he seems infinitely flawed yet troubled in ways I haven’t seen before. Like I said before, this movie is going to paint things with a rather wide, mainstream brush but seeing Smith stop a train only to react to the damage he creates because of what he did and to see him toss a beached whale off a beach only for it to careen into someone’s sailboat makes me smile.

Cue more hip-hop as we dissolve to black.

Consider me intrigued.

Win MR. WOODCOCK on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:02 am

We’re giving away, in conjunction with New Line Home Entertainment, five (5) copies of MR. WOODCOCK on DVD.

Just when you thought the humiliation of grade school gym class was over, MR. WOODCOCK arrives on DVD IN STORES January 15, 2008. The sadistic comedy stars Seann William Scott (Southland Tales, American Pie films) as a self-help author who returns home to learn that his beloved mother (Susan Sarandon; Shall We Dance, Thelma & Louise) is dating the one man he truly despises ““ his degrading childhood gym teacher and nemesis, Mr. Woodcock (Billy Bob Thornton; Bad Santa, Friday Night Lights). Featuring a hilarious supporting cast including Amy Poehler (Blades of Glory, TV’s Saturday Night Live) and Ethan Suplee (TV’s My Name is Earl, Blow).

Contest ends at midnight EST on Friday, January 25th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Friday, January 25th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/18/2008

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:01 am

thingamabobs.jpg

The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • TV Heaven, Telly Hell with guest Bill Bailey, Part 1… (Thingamabob)
  • Peter Cook & Dudley Moore – In The Pub… (Thingamabob)
  • Peter Cook & Dudley Moore – Goodbye… (Thingamabob)

January 17, 2008

Win WEDDING DAZE on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:11 am

We’re giving away, in conjunction with MGM Home Entertainment, five (5) copies of WEDDING DAZE on DVD.

After losing the woman of his dreams, Anderson (Jason Biggs) is convinced he’ll never fall in love again. But at the urging of his best friend, he spontaneously proposes to a dissatisfied waitress named Katie (Isla Fisher). The newly engaged couple must now try to find a way to get along.

Contest ends at midnight EST on Thursday, January 24th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Thursday, January 24th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/17/2008

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:32 am

thingamabobs.jpg

The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • More Mock The Week – Season 2 Episode 1, Part 1… (Thingamabob)

January 16, 2008

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/16/2008

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:39 am

thingamabobs.jpg

The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • More Mock The Week – Season 1 Episode 6, Part 1… (Thingamabob)
  • And Ed Byrne’s take on Alanis Morrissette… (Thingamabob)

January 15, 2008

Comics in Context #209: Down in the Dump

Filed under: Columns,Comics in Context — admin @ 3:17 am

comicsincontext4.jpg

cic2008-01-15.jpgOne of the pleasures in previewing Mark Evanier’s Kirby: King of Comics over the last two installments of this column was realizing that work in cartoon art that I had first discovered when I was growing up was now considered significant enough to be honored in art books and museums. In the eight hands comics and cartoon art can achieve greatness. I will return to my commentary on the Kirby book when it is published in March. Now, however, I intend to look at the other end of the spectrum: cartoons from my boyhood that demonstrate the depths to which the artform can sink. I’m not talking about the merely mediocre, of which there is plenty all around us, but the truly awful. Last week we ascended to the summit; now prepare to descend into the abyss.

There can be a certain fascination in looking at cartoons that are utter crap: watching them inspires a certain kind of stunned awe that anyone would put anything so atrocious on screen. But it certainly helps if these aesthetic outrages are presented within the proper ironic format, encouraging us to laugh at their sheer awfulness.

And so it was that I attended the New York City premiere of Cartoon Dump, an comedy stage show that showcases the worst that television animation of the 1950s and 1960s had to offer (http://www.cartoondump.com/). Presented every fourth Tuesday at the Steve Allen Theater in Los Angeles, Cartoon Dump made its Manhattan debut at the comedy club Comix (353 West 14th St.) on January 8 of this year, and will return to Comix on February 19 and March 11.

Like Krusty the Clown’s show-within-a-show on The Simpsons or Patchy the Pirate’s live action segments on SpongeBob SquarePants specials, Cartoon Dump satirizes a kind of television show that is familiar to Baby Boomers from their childhoods but which no longer seems to exist: the low budget local TV kiddie show in which a costumed host introduces animated cartoons.

Cartoon Dump separates itself from other such parodies through an intriguing twist: its live action cast of characters are themselves fans of these brain-dead cartoons, who love them rather too much. Emotionally damaged in various comical ways, Cartoon Dump‘s main characters have retreated from adult life by attempting to transform themselves into real life cartoon characters. The show’s host, Compost Brite (played by Erica Doering), is perky and cheerful, even over inappropriate topics, like her anorexia: she happily boasts of going for so long without food that she falls into delirium. One of her friends is Moodsy the Clinically Depressed Owl (played by Frank Conniff), whose other problem include alcoholism, auto-erotic asphyxiation, and other vices that can only be hinted at. Another is Buf Badger, the “rageaholic animation historian” (played by Kathleen Roll), unable and unwilling to conceal her furious contempt for anyone who doesn’t share her encyclopedic knowledge of cartoon history. (It strikes me that she’s be the dream date for The Simpsons‘ Comic Book Guy.) The concept appears to be that if these sorts of kiddie shows still existed on TV, these would be the sort of people, who grew up loving bad cartoons, who would get jobs working on them. It makes me wonder about some of the people engaging in “cosplay” that I see wandering around comics conventions. (Like those young women in “Gothic Lolita” outfits at the recent New York Anime Con: what are they thinking?)

Then again, such obsessives don’t necessarily wear costumes. In the New York show there was a character named Cissy Kafka, the alleged winner of a Cartoon Dump essay contest, who outwardly seemed to be a normal, presentable young woman in a business suit, but soon confessed that she had based her life on Cartoon Dump and considered Compost Brite, whom she’d never before met, to be her only friend. The performance at Comix also had as a guest stand-up comedian Mike Dobbins, who likewise wasn’t in costume, but the weirdness of whose act–including an impersonation of the Hamburglar performing pilates–fit the show.

Cartoon Dump is the creation of Frank Conniff, who was formerly one of the writer/performers on Mystery Science Theater 3000 (and was interviewed by Quick Stop editor Ken Plume here). MST3K likewise used the format of a low budget kiddie show, in its case, complete with puppets, in order to mock the old live action movies it presented. Cartoon Dump is this another example of the MSTie diaspora, in which the show’s ex-writer/performers devise and appear in new variations on the theme, such as Michael J. Nelson’s RiffTrax (see “Comics in Context” #185; “Get Off of My Cloud” and www.rifftrax.com) and MST3K creator Joel Hodgson’s brand new Cinematic Titanic, in which Conniff is a participant.

Cartoon Dump‘s execrable cartoons are supplied by animation historian Jerry Beck, who introduced the New York performance, supplying background information about the evening’s selections. Beck presents an assortment of such anti-masterpieces on his own at his “Worst Cartoons Ever” show, which he gives every year at the San Diego Comic Con, although I finally saw it last fall at New York University. Beck also hosts the Worst Cartoons Ever! DVD, which is available from Rembrandt Films, although the animated tripe within–including Sir Gee Whiz, which the Dump showed shown at Comix– is about as far from Rembrandt as is imaginable. (Jerry Beck is better known for his expertise on the masterpieces of classic animation, and he played a major role in putting together the recent Popeye and Woody Woodpecker DVD sets which I so highly praised: see “Comics in Context” #189: “Woody’s Woodpeccadillos” and #190: “Pop Eye-Con.”)

You can also see video podcast versions of Cartoon Dump segments, complete with cartoons, at Beck’s Cartoon Brew Films website. Watching the Dump performers on the videos, their comedy comes across as more drily ironic. To get the full impact, you need to see them with an audience, where both they and the cartoons get enthusiastic laughter. The audience at the Comix performance, which included comics and animation professionals, was particularly good, knowledgeable enough to burst into laughter at the sight of particularly terrible animation.

Actually, while I was waiting for the Cartoon Dump show to begin at Comix, I was delighted to listen to the good examples of early television animation. Over the sound system was played a mini-retrospective of Hanna-Barbera theme songs and background music, including, during the time I was there, the theme songs to Yogi Bear, The Flintstones, Wally Gator, Magilla Gorilla and Peter Potamus. These were the work of composer Hoyt Curtin (with a few spoken lines performed by the great voice actor Daws Butler as Yogi Bear and Peter Potamus), and presumably came from the extensive CD collection Hanna-Barbera’s Pic-a-Nic Basket of Cartoon Classics. My Quick Stop colleague Fred Hembeck wold correctly point out that SpongeBob has featured some remarkably good musical numbers. Still, I found myself reflecting that as a boy I took for granted the jaunty, energetic, funny and memorable tunes that Curtin continually turned out for Hanna-Barbera, and how rare that level of excellence is in “children’s” animation today.

Having reminded us of some of the true classics of early TV animation, the Cartoon Dump show proceeded to introduce us to its collection of animated garbage. I must have had a happy childhood, since I can’t remember ever having seen any of these four cartoons when I was a boy. But in adulthood one learns that it’s impossible to escape life’s horrors forever.

The first cartoon was an episode of The Mighty Mr. Titan, a 1965 series of cartoons from Soundac Productions, which, Beck informed us, was inspired by the Kennedy administration’s promotion of physical fitness for children and adults. (Mr. Titan‘s theme song instructs us, “Your country needs an active crew/Of healthy boys and girls like you.”) President Kennedy may have responsibility for the failure of the Bay of Pigs invasion, but I doubt that he would have accepted the blame for The Mighty Mr. Titan.

Beck refers to Mr. Titan as a superhero. Well, the character’s name and his short with the “T” insignia suggest that Mr. Titan’s creators wanted the audience to think of him as one. But Mr. Titan is really like a poorly animated cartoon version of Jack La Lanne, who hosted a TV exercise show in the 1960s and is still active today, except for the fact that La Lanne possesses real charisma whereas behind his unchanging smile, Mr. Titan has no personality whatsoever.

Nearly all that happens in his cartoons is that Mr. Titan demonstrates some simple calisthenics and encourages his audience to exercise along with him. And just why did Mr. Titan’s creators think that kids watch cartoons in the first place? Is it to work themselves into a sweat, or to goof off and have a good time? If kids want to exercise, they’d go outside and play baseball or anything else that is more involving and fun than joining Mr. Titan in his dreary workout routines.

So the Mr. Titan cartoons would be doomed by their premise, even if they didn’t have bargain basement limited animation. In the cartoon at the Dump show, I watched in bewilderment as Mr. Titan repeatedly performed the same exercise while counting, “One, two, three, four!” But the exercise involved only two positions: whenever he called “two” or “four” he did absolutely nothing. At least Mr. Titan’s wooden movements match his personality.

But the Mr. Titan cartoons aren’t totally devoid of interest. Mr. Titan has a sidekick, Tip Top, a stick figure with an expressive, oval face, who moves in a sprightly manner in the few moments he gets on screen; he doesn’t talk, but he has far more personality than his robot-like boss. If only these cartoons had been about Tip Top instead!

Then there was, “King of the Sea,” a cartoon from the 1967-1968 NBC series Super President, whose title character, James Norcross, is indeed the President of the United States who gains superpowers and secretly becomes a superhero.

The creators of this show stumbled over an interesting idea, linking the American pop culture icon of the superhero with America’s status as a world super-power. The late Mark Gruenwald insightfully explored this concept in his 1986 Squadron Supreme series, in which superheroes take control of the United States, and today DC Comics publishes Ex Machina, writer Brian K. Vaughn’s critically acclaimed series about a superhero as mayor of post-9/11 New York City. I wonder if Super President was the inspiration for Robert Smigel’s X-Presidents cartoons that burlesque politics on Saturday Night Live. But, you see, Gruenwald, Vaughn and Smigel all treated the idea with intelligence; Super President‘s creators stumbled over the idea and fell flat on their faces.

People forever ask, how come nobody recognizes Clark Kent as Superman with a pair of glasses on? Ah, but Clark Kent is a master of disguise compared to President Norcross, who may wear a mask but calls himself “Super President.” And yet nobody realizes that they are one and the same! (Marvel fans may find it disturbing that Super-President’s costume looks uncomfortably similar to that of Guardian’s from Alpha Flight, though I would hope this is merely a coincidence.)

And just how old does a kid have to be to realize that the President cannot just disappear for hours at a time to go on secret missions? Not only would the Secret Service notice, but so would the White House staff.

In classic superhero tradition, Super President has a sidekick, but he’s not a kid in costume, but a pudgy, bespectacled adult in a business suit: presidential aide Jerry Sayles. Jerry Beck keeps calling this other Jerry a Karl Rove lookalike, but I think he looks like a young Dick Cheney before he went over to the dark side. (Longtime comics pros might think that Super President‘s Jerry looks a little like the late DC editor E. Nelson Bridwell. Take a look at Jerry’s picture accompanying this satiric Salon piece in which Super President comments about our current less-than-super President)

It would be nice to think that the perpetrators of Super President were consciously making a joke by pairing their superhero with this chubby, mild-mannered bureaucrat. But since the cartoons are devoid of any sense of humor or any sense of minds working at more than half capacity, I’d say no.

All this dumbness might be more forgivable if Super President at least gave its characters memorable, vivid personalities or provided thrilling action sequences, but no. Like all the cartoons in Cartoon Dump, their cardinal sin is dullness. Even considering the limitations on the animation imposed by the low budgets, Fred Flintstone running past the same cave wall over and over is more exciting than any of the action in this Super President cartoon. The villain has the same number of dimensions to his personality as Super President and Jerry, which is to say, negative three.

The only spark of life in this cartoon comes from the fact that Super President’s voice was supplied by the great Paul Frees. It’s a pleasure to hear him, but even Frees could not do much with the character’s bland dialogue and minimal personality.

Super President was produced by the animation company DePatie-Freleng, one of whose heads, as Beck noted, was Friz Freleng, the great director of so many classic Warner Brothers cartoons of the 1940s and 1950s. Freleng apparently did not work on Super President himself. Still, it’s a cautionary tale about how corporate demands can seduce even a great creative artist into permitting godawful hack work to go out under his name.

In the 1960s Freleng was still capable of producing good work, like the animated title sequence for The Pink Panther (1964) and the spinoff series of animated cartoon shorts. The third cartoon in the Cartoon Dump, “Lindy’s Dream,” is the result of a downright appalling story of creative decline. This was the pilot for the stillborn series The Adventures of Sir Gee Whiz on the Other Side of the Moon (1960), which is one ludicrous mouthful, and was produced by the team of Hugh Harmon and Rudolf Ising, who started out working alongside Freleng in the earliest days of Walt Disney’s animation studio, then produced and directed the earliest Looney Tunes for Warner Brothers, and later went to MGM, creating some cartoons, like Peace on Earth (1939) (see “Comics in Context” #66 : “A Christmas Potpourri”) that are now considered classics.

But most of their cartoons that I’ve seen fall far short of enduring greatness, and Harmon and Ising seem to fall into that sad but familiar category of creative artists who are left behind by changing times. Whereas their former colleagues Disney and Freleng went on to create important work in the 1940s and beyond, Harmon and Ising’s heyday ended at the start of the 1940s. Jerry Beck wrote on his blog, “Hugh and Rudy gave it up to support the effort during World War II, creating instructional animated films for the Armed Services. They spent the rest of their careers creating educational, industrial and commercial films, never achieving the public fame they once enjoyed during the 1930s. Not that they didn’t try.” But they were already out of the creative mainstream. Sir Gee Whiz was an attempt to make a comeback, but instead demonstrates just how out of touch they had become. Beck continued, “Limited animation was not something Harman and Ising could grasp easily. This short shows just how badly Hugh and Rudy didn’t get it.”

I interpret that as meaning, in part, that Harmon and Ising didn’t recognize, as Hanna and Barbera and Jay Ward already had by 1960, how clever scripts, good voice acting, and vivid musical scores could compensate for limited movement. Beck has also suggested that the concept behind Sir Gee Whiz was something Harmon and Ising could have used in the 1930s but had grown dated by 1960. Indeed, by then America was in the Space Age, and kids fantasized about going to the moon by rocket and encountering aliens, not floating up there hand in hand with an elderly elf.

The main reason why Sir Gee Whiz seems to be a signature piece for the Dump is the creepiness of its premise. An old bearded gnome, Sir Gee Whiz (And how did he receive a knighthood? Especially since his accent marks him as Irish?), puts an underage girl’s nanny to sleep and then takes the little girl, Lindy, off with him to his home on the other side of the moon. In other words, what if Humbert Humbert had been a lunar leprechaun?

Should we accept this set-up as innocent? In The Wizard of Oz underage Dorothy goes on a road trip to the Emerald City with three adult males and no one thinks there’s anything wrong with this. Then again, the Scarecrow, Tin Woodman and Cowardly Lion don’t invite her back to their lairs to look at their etchings or whatever.

Or is this a case of creators of works intended for children who so lack perspective on their work that they are blind to the highly inappropriate subtext of their stories? No one bought the pilot for Sir Gee Whiz, so perhaps that subtext didn’t escape everyone’s notice at the time.

“Lindy’s Party” ends with a look at characters that Sir Gee Whiz‘s creators intended to use in later episodes. The Dump audience burst into loud, astonished laughter at the sight of one such character, Senor Ropo, who is indeed an enormous (and somewhat phallic) piece of rope, with eyes, a mouth, a mustache, a sombrero, and a stereotypical Mexican accent. Just what could Harmon, Ising and company have possibly been thinking?

The fourth and final cartoon in the Dump performance was “The Black Vapor,” an installment of the 1967 series Johnny Cypher in Dimension Zero: the names “cipher” and “zero” are all too appropriate in grading this cartoon.

Beck pointed out that Johnny Cypher was produced by the Oriolo Studio, headed by Joseph Oriolo, who produced the 1960s Felix the Cat cartoons and the animated series The Mighty Hercules. I haven’t seen the 1960s version of Felix–the one in which he had a literal “bag of tricks,” contended against nemeses like the Professor, the thuggish Rock Bottom, and the alien Master Cylinder (a sort of Dalek predecessor), and had an intellectual young friend, Poindexter–in decades, but I recall my fondness for them from my childhood, and for the colorful voice acting, which I now know was performed by Jack Mercer, the classic voice of Popeye.

I liked The Mighty Hercules even more as a boy; in recent years I watched a batch of them for free on one of Time Warner Cable’s “on demand” channels, and they’re not bad at all. Certainly I have more sophisticated tastes by now, but I still appreciate how Hercules transforms the stuff of Greek mythology into what amounts to a superhero series set in ancient times, with Herc as Superman, his girlfriend Helena standing in Lois, the young centaur Newton (whose falsetto voice I now find annoying) as Jimmy Olsen, and a pack of fine supervillain-like menaces like the sorcerer Daedalus. The analogues to the superhero genre are hardly accidental, since the series was written by DC Comics veterans George Kashdan and Jack Miller. Despite the limited animation, the Hercules cartoons still succeed in creating a sense of action and momentum that demonstrate how much could be done even within the low budgets of early “˜60s cartoons. And Hercules had a great, unforgettable theme song! Indeed, Oriolo and company seemed to have consciously designed elements of the series to be iconic: each episode builds to a high point when Hercules dons the magic ring that endows him with superhuman strength, to the accompaniment of thunder and lightning, the equivalent of Popeye downing his spinach while his theme music plays triumphantly. But did I wonder, even as a child, why Herc just didn’t keep the ring on full time?

The difference between Oriolo’s Felix and Hercules on one side and Johnny Cypher on the other is that Felix and Herc are good, and Johnny is very, very bad. Part of the problem, as Beck explained, was that Oriolo farmed the animation of Cypher out to Japan, making this an early example of anime. But, unlike, say, Osamu Tezuka’s Astro Boy, this isn’t some enduring landmark in anime history. Whereas Oriolo’s Hercules propulsively carries its young viewers along for the ride, Cypher leaves them mired as if in a pool of molasses. In “The Black Vapor,” the vapor turns people to stone, thereby, as Beck pointed out, eliminating any need to spend any effort animating them.

But the real reason that “The Black Vapor” was included in the Dump show seems to be its two villains, who, at one point, break into a frenzied dance of joy, which is not only badly animated but comes off as a presumably unintended burst of over-the-top homoerotic ecstasy.

On the Worst Cartoons Ever! DVD (which I may review at length in the future) Jerry Beck starts out by telling us that “no one sets out to make bad cartoons.” This is a kind and generous thing for him to say, but I disagree. Perhaps the makers of the cartoons in Cartoon Dump didn’t consciously think of their work as bad. But I don’t get the impression from these cartoons that they were striving towards goodness, either.

Back in the 1990s, when I was continuity cop at Marvel (before the present tidal wave of lawlessness in that area), I was speaking with a writer, advising him about the continuity-related holes in his storyline. His continual rejoinder was that “the kids” wouldn’t notice and wouldn’t care. What he really meant was that he didn’t care, and this was his rationalization for his own sloppiness in his craft. Of course by the 1990s Marvel’s readership was mostly adults, the series on which this writer worked soon bombed, and, as far as I know, the writer has since vanished from the comics business.

I suspect that the makers of the cartoons in Cartoon Dump or Worst Cartoons Ever! told themselves much the same thing about their audience. Yes, the animators and other artists at Disney studied the works of great illustrators, and the animators at UPA studied modern art and design, and each group in its on way sought to treat animation as art. And I suspect that many of the makers of the Dump‘s cartoons thought that Walt Disney and the UPA guys were nuts. Why put so much time and effort into cartoons? Aren’t cartoons just time-killing junk for small children? Won’t little kids watch anything that we put on their TV screen? Why should anyone take cartoons seriously?

Many other talented people who worked in animation for early television–Hanna and Barbera, Jay Ward, Bob Clampett, the makers of numerous animated commercials-strove against the limitations imposed by the low budgets they had to work with, and even created work that attracted intelligent adult viewers But not the perpetrators of many of the cartoons destined for the Dump.

In the course of the Cartoon Dump stage show, Compost Brite warned us that people who strive for excellence lead “stressed-out” lives, but that plenty of people who deal in “mediocrity” turn out to be successful. Reminding us that “D is a passing grade,” Ms. Brite leads cast members in singing the praises of making only a “minimal effort” in life. The cartoons in the Dump exemplify that very philosophy, except that the actors playing Ms. Brite and company are just kidding, and the cartoons aren’t.

Wondering whether other cartoon series I hadn’t seen since my grade school days would prove to be as awful as those in Cartoon Dump, I tracked down episodes of some of them on YouTube.

The same people who inflicted The Mighty Mr. Titan on innocent children–creator Robert D. Buchanan and Soundac Productions–were also responsible for the earlier 1957 series Colonel Bleep (and http://www.toontracker.com/bleep/bleep.htm). Like Mr. Titan’s sidekick Tip Top, Colonel Bleep is basically a stick figure, only the Colonel has a triangular-shaped head encircled by transparent, round space helmet. This time Buchanan and Soundac had the wisdom to make the stick figure into the star of the show. Since Mr. Titan was basically an exercise instructor, he had to resemble a real human being, but the extremely limited animation turns Mr. Titan’s actions into laughable caricatures of actual human movement. But the limited animation suits the simplified figures of Colonel Bleep and Tip Top, whose movements are comparatively energetic.

Indeed, one of the delights of Colonel Bleep is its emphasis on graphic design. As noted, the Colonel is a semiabstract figure, composed of a triangle, circle and straight lines. His sidekick, Scratch the caveman, has a figure shaped like an oval. (The other sidekick, a puppet resembling a young boy dressed as a cowboy, is named Squeak because he cannot talk but merely squeaks; this just seems weird.)

The characters in Colonel Bleep have no dialogue, but there is a narrator who adopts a tone like that of an adult reading from a storybook to children. But whereas the fantasy of Sir Gee Whiz seems dreadfully dated, Colonel Bleep capitalizes on the growing interest kids in the late 1950s had in science fiction and the emerging Space Age. Colonel Bleep, then, is an early example of what must have been a new phenomenon: science fiction aimed at small children.

The opening episode, “Colonel Bleep Arrives on Earth“ establishes that the Colonel is an extraterrestrial from the planet Futura, and that the Futurans see themselves as responsible for maintaining order and justice in the universe. It rather reminds me of DC Comics’ Green Lantern Corps, and perhaps reflects the United States’ emerging sense that as a world superpower it had the duty to police the world. The first episode further explains that the Futurans decided to send Colonel Bleep to Earth when they detected the first atomic explosion on Earth in 1945 and then observed how Earth had begun firing rockets into space; this suggested to them that Earth posed a potential threat to the rest of the universe.

I hadn’t expected to find concerns about nuclear war crop up in a children’s cartoon from the late 1950s. But this is a key to understanding why the Colonel Bleep cartoons have more life and imagination than many other animated series of early television. The writers on Bleep were working themes with relevance to their adult lives into the backstory. Similarly, in designing the characters, the artists were creating forms that would be appealing to kids, easy to animate, but also aesthetically satisfying to themselves.

I also located an episode of Courageous Cat and Minute Mouse (and http://www.toontracker.com/courcat/courcat.htm), an animated series whose creation is credited to Batman creator Bob Kane. My regular readers know that Kane may have come up with the idea of a superhero costumed as a bat, but that writer Bill Finger cane up with most of the other basic elements of the early Batman mythos. I wonder how much imaginative effort was necessary to devise the concept for Courageous Cat and Minute Mouse, who are basically Batman and Robin as a talking cat and mouse. It’s as if Kane crossed Batman with Tom and Jerry. I wouldn’t be surprised if Roy Thomas and Scott Shaw! had Courageous Cat partly in mind when they created their funny animal superhero team, Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew, which DC Comics has recently revived.

One of the best things about Courageous Cat is the theme music, which conjures the feel of an urban crime thriller of the period, seeming to promise a much more adult sensibility than these kiddie cartoons actually possess.

In the episode I found on YouTube, “The Case of the Big Movie Star” (1960), the series’ premier villain, the Frog, intends to abduct Marilyn Mouse, a movie actress whom he compels to star in the movie he is making. Our heroes, Courageous Cat and Minute Mouse, have virtually blank personalities. Minute, however, speaks in a falsetto voice, suggesting he is meant to be a prepubescent child. So it’s a little weird and creepy when Minute becomes dazzled by the charms of Marilyn Mouse.

The cartoon becomes way kinkier when Courageous Cat disguises himself as Marilyn Mouse, leading to a sequence in which the Frog attempts to seduce her. Yes, there are plenty of instances of Bugs Bunny in drag, but his disguises are always transparent to anyone with a higher I. Q. than Elmer Fudd’s. Courageous Cat turns himself into an exact lookalike of Marilyn Mouse, which somehow seems weirder. Dr. Fredric Wertham thought Batman was kinky; what would he have thought of this?

But I was amused by the fact that Marilyn Mouse spoke in a breathy voice, reminiscent of Marilyn Monroe’s. And what I remembered most fondly about Courageous Cat cartoons proved to be as good as ever: the Frog himself, whose voice is a superb imitation of that of Edward G. Robinson, the actor best known for his iconic gangster roles in the 1930s and 1940s. When I first saw Courageous Cat I probably did not know anything about Robinson, but that voice gives the Frog a vivid, memorable personality: he’s like Robinson crossed with Mr. Toad from The Wind in the Willows. It’s too bad no one thought to cast such distinctive voices for Courageous and Minute.

Watching this Courageous Cat cartoon, I got the feeling that some people connected with it–the writers and the voice actors–were having fun, even if the rest of the cartoon was uninspired hackwork.

And that’s the sort of thing that makes the difference. Those writers and artists and actors who smuggled sparks of imagination into their cartoons turned out work that still shows some virtues today. Cartoons that just seem to have been ground out as mindless time wasters for kids end up only as specimens of creative bankruptcy, interred in the Cartoon Dump.

Copyright 2008 Peter Sanderson

Win BE MY VALENTINE, CHARLIE BROWN on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:59 am

We’re giving away, in conjunction with Warner Home Video, two (2) copies of BE MY VALENTINE, CHARLIE BROWN on DVD.

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and the Peanuts gang have their hopes for the day – Charlie Brown, that he will receive a valentine; Linus, that he will be able to find a great Valentine gift for his favorite teacher, Miss Othmar; Lucy, that she will finally get Schroeder to notice her. Unfortunately, none of their plans work out.

The DVD features 2 bonus specials – YOU’RE IN LOVE, CHARLIE BROWN and IT’S YOUR FIRST KISS, CHARLIE BROWN, plus a featurette (“Unlucky in Love: An Unrequited Love Story”).

Contest ends at midnight EST on Monday, January 21st.

Enter the contest!
Email:
First name:
Last name:
Street Address:
Address Line 2 (if needed):
City:
State/Province/Whatever:
Zip Code/Postal Code:
Country:
Birth Month:
Birth Day:
Birth Year:

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Monday, January 21st.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/15/2008

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:20 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • More Mock The Week – Season 1 Episode 5, Part 1… (Thingamabob)

January 14, 2008

Ken P. D. Snyde-Cast #31: Photographs and Memories

Filed under: Ken P.D. Snydecast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:57 am

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Adult Swim’s Dana Snyder and FRED’s Ken Plume set out to have a literate conversation between two pals, but inevitably devolve into a verbal, and funny, free-for-all full of bickering, infighting, and the special kind of male bonding that comes from conflict expressed through the podcast medium.

Actor/comedian/raconteur Dana Snyder, you’re certainly aware, is Aqua Teen Hunger Force’s Master Shake, Squidbillies‘ Granny, Minoriteam’s Dr. Wang, and The Venture Bros.‘ Alchemist. Available for weddings and bar mitzvahs (bat availability pending), you can keep tabs on him via his website, www.eyeofthesnyder.com.

Ken Plume is the editor-in-chief here at FRED. He is a friend of Dana’s, as well as his arch-nemesis.

VISIT THE SNYDECAST EXPERIENCE

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KEN P.D. SNYDECAST #31: Photographs and Memories – Ken & Dana return for their first regular episode in almost 6 months, loaded with apologies and promises for a much smoother and more regular schedule for a brand new year, plus loads of other assorted stuff you’ve come to expect from their award-winning podcast.

[CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast may contain some foul language and horribly off-color jokes. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #31 (MP3 format)

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SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

Got something to say? E-mail Dana & Ken at the Snydecast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SNYDECAST ARCHIVES

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Party Favors: Attack Of The DVD Smudge

Filed under: Columns,Joe Corey's Party Favors — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:50 am

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WILMINGTON, DELAWARE – Did you know your DVDs might be getting ruined by their plastic storage cases? They’re not completely safe on the shelf. While you sleep, your beloved shiny discs could be clouding up.

For creepy and scientific reasons, a residue has been found growing on DVDs secured in clear plastic slim cases. Why? Nobody has a definitive answer. While I can’t find any industry articles discussing this latest ugliness, I can assure you this is real and not an internet rumor. I’m a victim of this crap. I have a Hogan’s Heroes: The Second Season that looks like a Bob Guccione camera lens after a Pet of the Year photo shoot. A strange Vaseline-like smudge splotches the shiny side of the DVD.

The good news is that nobody has reported this residue rendering their DVDs unplayable. So don’t completely panic. Since this is residue on the outside of the plastic, people have reported being able to clean it away with 97% alcohol. But no one is sure if there is a critical exposure time to this residue that will make a permanent bond with the surface of the DVD. Or if it will eventually render your DVD to beer coasters. Remember that this is not a case of disc rot or clouding inside the DVD from a poor sealing job.

Where is the residue coming from?

From most reports the culprits of this catastrophe are clear plastic slim cases that have an oily feel. The first warnings on hometheaterforum dealt with people finding this residue linked to Scanavo’s clear slim cases that hold two DVDs. You could immediately know they were Scanavo since the company’s name was inside the box. They also have a nasty hubs that seem to shred the plastic off the hole in your DVD. There have been reports of the residue growing on DVDs in clear cases not manufactured by Scanavo.

What all these cases have in common is the oily feel. Some theorize that residue is from this oily plastic being so close to the playing surface of the DVDs. Having flunked organic chemistry while majoring in textiles, it is my expert opinion that plastics are evil and unpredictable. They’ll do unforeseen things after being extruded and exposed to an environment outside a sterile and climate control lab. They don’t breakdown in a conventional biodegradable manner, but they’ll convert into dangerous polymers. This would explain the residue transfer from case to DVD surface.

What’s curious is that the black double DVD slim cases in my collection do not affect the DVDs in the same way. My first season of Futurama has the issue. The first season of King of the Hill that’s in black plastic is pristine.

A few people think that the residue is prompted by humidity levels. While this may be true, it’s a pain in the ass for those of us who don’t want to turn our house into the baseball storage space at Coors Field. The best thing you can do if you discover the residue issue is to remove your DVD from the clear plastic slim cases. My collection has gone into paper envelopes to be stored in faux library card catalog cabinets.

Titles in my collection that were afflicted by residue include Bewitched, I Dream of Jeanie, Hazel, Titus, Perry Mason, Hawaii Five-0, The Jerry Lewis Collection, Gomer Pyle & Futurama. Others have reported Have Gun Will Travel.

When these slim DVD cases that held 2 DVDs were first introduced, I applauded them. Anything that allows four DVDs to fit in the space of a single old black box was a major relief for my packed video cabinet. How was I to know this advance would become the DVDs equivalent of Eastman Color in the world of 35mm films? Luckily at this moment, you can clean up your DVDs and put them in a safer environment. There’s no cure for red shifting.

Please don’t completely panic. It will do you good to inspect your collection and take action. Just because you have them tucked safely on the shelf doesn’t mean they’re going to be playable forever or for the next few years. Beware of the residue.

PARTY VIDEO

If you get a party started right, head over to youtube and bring up the Yatta video. If Frankie Goes to Hollywood and the Village People were stranded on the Island of Dr. Moreau, they’d be transformed in Yatta. The group features six Japanese guys wearing diapers with leaves on the front. Their Japanglish lyrics to “Swedish Leaves” helped me set the clock on my VCR.

LET ME SEE RICHARD DAWSON

All Star Family Feud is this winter’s “Cheese Doodle” DVD award. You just can’t stop watching no matter how orange your fingers get. Fans of TV from three decades ago will binge on these four DVDs until they hit the final episode. Why? Because it’s got Richard Dawson kissing Richard Deacon! It reminds us that Jeff Altman was considered a cast member of The Dukes of Hazzard. It reunited Peter Lupus and Greg Morris from Mission: Impossible. It lets us know who would win in a battle between Family versus Eight Is Enough. Plus they have Batman versus Batgirl when Adam West stares down Yvonne Craig. Heather Locklear bumps up against Heather Thomas!

This is the greatest fix a TV junky could ever crave. The source video is rough in places, but the historic nature of these battles shine through the glitches. They even have Bowser from Sha-Na-Na. Bowser!

Plus it’s educational. Did you know that Richard Deacon wrote a microwave cookbook? Lumpy Rutherford’s dad was an atomic chef. You can still find used copies on amazon.

HOWARD-MANIA

Howard Cosell has been sneaking back from the grave thanks to DVDs. The Bronx Is Burning: World Championship Limited Edition has a bonus disc with ABC’s original coverage of the 1977 World Series with Howard and Keith Jackson in the booth. Those two knew how to sport a mustard blazer. While they have highlights of the games, they also include the complete Game Six broadcast. Howard was so much better behind the microphone than Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. I was wrong to hate Howard. He might have been a loudmouth, but he was entertaining.

Howard also knew how to play himself on TV. The Odd Couple: The Third Season has entire episode dedicated to him. “Big Mouth” has Howard in a jerk-off with Oscar Madison. It’s rare to see a personality hang with Jack Klugman, but Howard pulled it off. Also this boxset features football superstars Bubba Smith and Deacon Jones.

Sadly there is no cameo of Howard on Hawaii Five-O: The Third Season. Who would win in a battle of Jack Lord and Cosell? Imagine their hair in the tropical breeze. There are other reasons to enjoy this season of island justice. The episode “The Late John Lousiana” should be ripped off for a film. A hitman falls for his target and they secretly get married after he fakes her death so he can collect the bounty as a wedding present. There’s a nasty piece of trivia going around that Jack Lord never said, “Book ’em, Danno” on the show. While Bogart never said, “Play it again, Sam” in Casablanca, Jack Lord decreed “Book ’em, Danno” on several occasions in the Third Season boxset.

PUMPED DOWN

In a cable universe that gives us Ninja Warrior and Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, the revival of American Gladiators is pathetic. We get to watch semi-normal people take on the Gladiators as Hulk Hogan does his normal rants. That’s entertainment?

The producers appear to have lifted a few obstacles from Ninja Warrior. They put the obstacles over water like Ninja Warrior. But there’s no Nagano in the contestant pool.

Congress is nuts about steroids in baseball. Mark McGwire gets denied entry into the Hall of Fame. But NBC has no problem making a buck off the folks that “spotted” Barry Bonds at the BALCO gym. Did NBC-Universal test Wolf and Hellga to make sure they pee pure? What are the odds we’ll be seeing Hellga in the tabloids as the new Chyna? The network didn’t do too many background checks since it was exposed that Militia posed naked in solo pics for a gay porn site. Is how the network discovers their new talent? Ever wonder how NBC talent scouted Carson Daly and Billy Bush? Visit greasedanchorstuds.com to see NBC’s Stars of Tomorrow. Hulk Hogan didn’t get his body from merely eating his vegetables and saying his prayers, brotha! Get the Roids out of NBC-Universal. And this means no more free HGH for Bob Costas.

You want to put real fear in the competitors, let them know that the losers will be driven home by Nick Hogan. When will we get a true version of Ninja Warriors in America? Bet Titan couldn’t match Nagno.

HE’D PUT AN END TO IT

Why did Vern Schillinger let his 16 year old daughter get knocked up? Seeing how Vern already snuffed his other offspring on Oz; what kept him from making Juno disappear? Is Vern turning into a softie? Where’s the parental evil?

ARGH

The worst film of 2007 was Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. If only the camera truck had fallen off the end of the world and plummeted into the abyss, we’d all be better off. Maybe there were crappier films, but none were as completely disappointing and made me sit through two crappy films. While Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl ran long, it was mostly entertaining. Johnny Depp nailed his Keith Richards pirate act. He earned his Oscar nomination.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest ended without an ending. Was it a good film? Was it a bad film? What did we see for two and a half hours? It was like the last two Matrix films and Kill Bill. How can you truly know if you’ve seen a good movie until you see both movies? Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End was nearly three hours long. This means that Gore Verbinski and Jerry Bruckheimer had over five hours of screen time on these films. When it was over, it wasn’t an epic. It was septic. This was like taking the hottest girl in high school to the prom. You’re extra patient and behaved the entire night in hopes of a kiss. As Donna Summer’s “Last Dance” plays, you discover her in the janitor closet blowing the chauffeur – and he still expects a tip for the ride.

Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow became more annoying than conniving. They kept having multiple Sparrows on the screen to exponentially increase the suck. Why couldn’t everyone die at the end of the film? What prevented the guy at the lab from pouring acid onto the negative instead of fixer?

After these two Pirate films, Depp needs to return his Oscar nomination. Perhaps during the ceremony, he should be forced to walk a plank into the orchestra pit. His ultimate punishment is to co-star in a buddy cop film with Dane Cook.

THAT YOU, LOUIE?

Louis C.K. refused my invitation to lunch while he was performing in my neighborhood during New Year’s Eve. I was even going to pick up the check. But no dice. He needed more time to fine tune his material for an upcoming HBO special where Rick Baker will transform him into Dane Cook. This means there’s no inside scoop on Pootie Tang 2. No insight into love scenes with the voice of Bobby Hill. And zero reflections on seeing his full head of hair on the early Dr. Katz cartoons. The free lunch if off the table, Louis C.K. You’ll be lucky to get a Fresca from the Party Favors petty cash fund.

Coincidentally, the petty cash fund is funded by selling vintage Tom Petty 8-tracks on ebay.

KICKIN’ FOREVER

What sport has the shortest off-season: Hockey, NASCAR, Tennis, Golf or Soccer? It’s early January and there’s fresh soccer on the Fox Soccer Channel. Wonder why there’s not as many soccer fans in America? Cause we’re all about “wait till next season!” But when there’s no real off-season, what’s the point of waiting? The games just keep coming and they keep having weird exhibitions and tournaments and friendlies during the season. It’s on par with your neighborhood Wiffleball league.

Soccer needs to quit letting the sponsor’s name dominate their shirt. The casual fan in a noisy bar stares at the game on a TV and can’t match the teams with players. Why not call them the Manchester AIGs? Or the LA Herbalife? Make it simple for the less-than devoted.

I do like seeing soccer fans hurl smoke bombs on the field. Whenever I go to a sporting event in America, I get probed as if I’m Osama Bin Party with IEVodkas tucked in my ass. In England, you can waltz into a soccer stadium with road flares in your mouth as long as you’re wearing your team scarf.

AWARD WINNER RESPONDS!

After naming Patrick Warburton the King of TV Comedy for 2007, he actually sent the Party Favors an acceptance e-mail.

Warburton wrote, “Thanks bro, that was a riot! Happy holidays!”

Take that Golden Globes and People’s Choice Awards. We got stars accepting their cyber hardware.

Now who were the other stars of 2007 according to this column?

Who was the biggest movie star of the year? Jason Lee wins the prize. How did Underdog not completely dog out at the box office? Who isn’t shocked that Alvin and the Chipmunks might make $200 million? The mark of a true movie star isn’t being good in a great film, but carrying a complete turd into box office nirvana. Jason Lee is the new Tom Cruise.

The Most Beautiful Film of the Year goes to Once. While it’s not a perfect film, it’s so damn charming with great musical performances that these Broadway adaptations can’t touch. Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova timidly duet on “Falling Slowly” in the music store is cinema magic. It’s what an emotional music moment should achieve. If you’re on a date watching Once, and your companion doesn’t impulsively kiss you at the end of that scene, dump ’em. They’re androids. What’s extra thrilling is this is a film about a musician that avoids turning into an episode VH1 Behind the Music. Glen has woman problems. He’s fixing vacuums and playing his guitar in the street. But he’s not strung out on smack or killing a bandmate in a drunk driving accident. It’s a nice film about people who sing. It restored my faith that you can make a musical without it turning into Disney Broadway Bound Production. When watching it on DVD, you might want to turn on the English captions so you can figure out what the extreme Irish characters are saying.

DVD of the year is a tie between Idiocracy and Caligula (Three Disc Imperial Edition). Idiocracy dares to probe what will happen to America if we continue on a path of letting the Freakshow from Madison Avenue dictate our culture. Caligula reminds us of how naughty Helen Mirren can be. The fact that she did a commentary track for this film shows she’s not as prudish as Queen Elizabeth. Malcolm McDowell’s commentary track explains how this project went out of control. An alternate cut of the film is much better than the theatrical although it lacks the hardcore moments.

BOURDAIN IS BACK

Talk about twice the travel treats each week. Anthony Bourdain returns with a fresh batch of No Reservations on the Travel Channel. The man knows how to find the good eating around the globe. I’m ready to book a trip to Singapore to eat at the hotel’s buffet. Also the Food Network is rerunning his Cook’s Tour series that ran at the dawn of the 21st Century. After all the trash talking Bourdain has done about the Food Network’s programming, the channel has resurrected his show to keep the ladies drooling every Tuesday at 10:30 p.m.

Bourdain is the only travel show host that I’d care to bump into on vacation. Cause you know if you’re cool around him, he’s going to show you best dinner spot and get you liquored up.

In a sad food story, the Underground is no more. The greatest place to eat in Raleigh has shut down and we’re orphans looking for a new place to truly dine. The final meal I ordered there was a rabbit loin wrapped around collards and bacon. It was divine and only cost $9. We’ve tried a few places with similar approaches, but none have given us Foodgasms. We’re close to hibernating until Chef Daniel Taylor opens a new restaurant that delivers the goodness.

GET ‘EM OFF THE FLOOR

Why is BBCAmerica running repeats of the American version of Dancing with the Stars? The whole point of this channel is to let us poor uncultured souls in the states get a glimpse of British entertainment. But now they’re feeding us back Master P in his dancing sneakers. This is an outrage! Why don’t they just start showing reruns of Dukes of Hazzard and Dallas? Those shows were popular in England. This is a disgrace and further proof that the Boston Tea Party was a good thing.

GIMME A FIX

How dare Dr. Drew refuse to check me into Celebrity Rehab. Doesn’t he understand that addiction to Sudoku is serious? I’m a prisoner to numbers and boxes! I can be an emotional trainwreck like a lost Baldwin brother. Cure me of this sickness, Dr. Drew!

What is the point of curing Mary Carey of her sex addiction? What else does she have to offer the world of showbiz? Would you want to fix Harvey Keitel’s accent? Would Dr. Drew remove Mel Tillis’ stutter? Would he make that kid from High School Musical macho? If this woman goes on the saltpeter diet, she’s screwed out of her career. Nobody fast forwards through a Mary Carey video to get to the emoting. Will being cured of her libido make her the perfect candidate for California governor? She needs to stop getting liquored up like Foster Brook’s designated driver, but for the sake of the children, keep her horny.

In order to cure these celebrities, Dr. Drew needs to use a few of the techniques developed at the Party Favors Rehab Center and Hardcore Fighting Academy. Remove the cameras from their faces. If you must film them, do it through those spy mirrors so they don’t play to the cameras. They need to be purified of airtime. Make them abstain from TMZ coverage. Remind them that the tabloids should not be used as a substitute for a family photo album. Make them pay for their drinks. Nothing sobers up a star faster than having to pay $15 for a Bud at ReTox.

Win FAMILY GUY: BLUE HARVEST on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:02 am

We’re giving away, in conjunction with Fox Home Entertainment, two (2) copies of FAMILY GUY: BLUE HARVEST on DVD.

Contest ends at midnight EST on Monday, January 21st.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Monday, January 21st.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/14/2008

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:01 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • More Mock The Week – Season 1 Episode 4, Part 1… (Thingamabob)

January 13, 2008

Cabin Fever #09: The Hiatus Is Over

Filed under: Cabin Fever — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:32 pm

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Oh no! Just when you thought it was safe to hang out at the Quick Stop…

cabin.jpgCabin Fever (hosted by the twisted souls Brian Fitzpatrick and Aaron Poole) is the result of having too much time on your hands and access to your local community radio station.

Over the course of an hour, they manage to trawl the depths of good taste, plus throw some music in. How much more could you want from a podcast?… Quality? Oh… we didn’t think of that.

Enjoy! And we hope our cross Atlantic friends can understand the Irish accent 😉

Hugs and Kisses,
Aaron P. + Rev. Fitzy

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CABIN FEVER #09: The Hiatus Is Over – We’re back. A new year, the same old s—. The boys had a little end of year revue and talk about some of the things that they remember about “˜07. We give some shout outs to a few peeps at QuickStopEntertainment.com and a little oath to come back a bit more regularly now that the festive (drunken) season is over. And if you don’t get some of the in-jokes… I’m sorry, we hadn’t seen each other in a while and things get out of hand. It’d take far too long to explain what we’re talking about. We just promise to get back to our normal ranting next time.

[CONTENT WARNING]: Explicit contents! We say every naughty word you can think of. You have been warned!

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Episode #09 (MP3 format)

[audio:http://traffic.libsyn.com/cabinfever/cabin_fever_09.mp3]

SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes

Got something to say? E-mail Aaron & Brian at the Cabin Fever mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE CABIN FEVER ARCHIVES

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January 11, 2008

Win SUNSHINE and JOSHUA on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:22 pm

We’re giving away, in conjunction with Fox Home Entertainment, five (5) copies each of both SUNSHINE and JOSHUA on DVD.

In the year 2057, the sun is dying and mankind with it, but even the coldest reaches of space burn with the heat of humanity’s will to survive in the thrilling sci-fi adventure SUNSHINE, which follows a daring crew of eight men and women as they boldly fight against the inevitable by striving for the impossible: to deliver a device into the heart of the sun in an attempt to breathe new life into the star. Helmed by visionary director Danny Boyle (28 Days Later, Trainspotting), who injects the genre with a shot of adrenaline and human pathos by exploring both the depths of space and the heights of heroism. Fighting against all odds for the survival of the human race is an all-star cast that includes Cillian Murphy (Batman Begins), Chris Evans (Fantastic Four), Michelle Yeoh (Memoirs Of A Geisha) and Rose Byrne (Marie Antoinette). But when the crew stumbles across a distress beacon from a spaceship lost years before, their journey into the unknown becomes even more harrowing, and their reach for the supreme star grows all the more perilous. Sunshine DVD features deleted scenes, director commentary, and two short films.

The psychological thriller JOSHUA follows an upscale American family faced with an inner source of horror. Celebrating the birth of their second child, the Cairn’s seem to have the perfect family life with a breathtaking apartment, their newborn daughter and nine-year-old prodigy son Joshua (Jacob Kogan.) Exceptionally intelligent and frighteningly precocious, Joshua quickly grows unhappy with his parents continual doting on his baby sister. The veneer of their polished lives begins to crack, as a series of eerie coincidences find the family wrapped up in an escalating chain of domestic terror. Is the cause of their torment an unimaginably evil mind? Could it be Joshua who, like his Biblical namesake, is bringing the house tumbling down around his family?

Contest ends at midnight EST on Friday, January 18th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Friday, January 18th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Weekend Shopping Guide 1/11/08: Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves

Filed under: Shopping Guides — UncaScroogeMcD @ 2:38 am

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The weekend’s here. You’ve just been paid, and it’s burning a hole in your pocket. What’s a pop culture geek to do? In hopes of steering you in the right direction to blow some of that hard-earned cash, it’s time for the Quick Stop Weekend Shopping Guide – your spotlight on the things you didn’t even know you wanted…

Confronted with the marketing campaign for The Riches (Fox, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP), I was unsure if I even wanted to give the show a try. Here was American-accented Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver playing the parents of an American gypsy family who assume the identities of a wealthy couple after an auto accident leaves them dead. The series turned out to be well-written and engaging, and it’s a joy to see the Mallory family trying to keep their ruse alive in the face of not only their newly assumed community, but also the interference of their Traveler clan. The 4-disc box set features all 13 episodes, plus audio commentaries, webisodes, featurettes, and a gag reel.

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He may have celebrated his half-century mark with a private soiree, but Elton John decided that his 60th birthday bash would be done in front of an audience, and celebrate his incredible catalogue in style. Elton 60: Live At Madison Square Garden (Universal Music, Not Rated, DVD-$19.99 SRP) is a 2-disc affair featuring the entire concert, as well as rare archive performances. I’m no fan of the tepid synth schmaltz that smothered Elton in the 80’s and 90’s, but for fans of his classic 70’s catalogue of tunes like “Holiday Inn” and “Roy Rogers”, this concert is a welcome trip down memory lane – and to have the man himself still in powerful voice is like icing on the cake.

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No matter how many things I enjoyed about the latest Potter adaptation, Harry Potter & The Order Of The Phoenix (Warner Bros., Rated PG-13, DVD-$34.99 SRP), I was quite annoyed by director David Yates’s breakneck pace throughout the film, which often undercuts any sense of drama or character establishment as we’re quickly pushed on to the next scene. It’s like being shoved through a museum. On the plus side, the kids are still on their arc of improvement as thespians, and the franchise continues to draw the cream of the British acting establishment – this time headed up by Imelda Staunton as the draconian Defense Against The Dark Arts professor Dolores Umbridge. The 2-disc special edition features include a look at the editing process, a video journal following the actress who plays Tonks, a look at the secrets of Harry Potter’s destiny that have been revealed in the films so far, and a clutch of deleted scenes.

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After the bare bones release of just a few short months ago, David Fincher’s Zodiac (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$34.99 SRP) returns with an expanded 2-disc director’s cut, featuring a pair of audio commentaries, a behind-the-scenes documentary, a documentary on the Zodiac investigation itself, a featurette about the prime suspect in the case, and previsualizations.

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The second season of Caroline Aherne’s amazing Britcom The Royle Family (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$24.98 SRP) gets to see the light of day in the USA, and we’re all the luckier for it, because it truly is both a beautifully written and acted series. In a nutshell, it takes place entirely within the living room of the titular lower-middle class family, and it is gold. Check it out.

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As a semi-proud outcast myself, it’s always fun to see a flick that caters to the dejected, aimless, loveless outcasts of the world – and Eagle vs Shark (Miramax, Rated R, DVD-$29.99 SRP) certainly fits the bill. The 2 outcasts destined for outcast love are Lily & Jarrod, who meet at a fancy dress party with an “animal” theme. Again – outcast love. The special edition DVD features audio commentary, deleted scenes, a featurette, music video, and outtakes.

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Maybe it was just charity concert fatigue, but by the time the Concert For Diana (Universal Music, Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP) rolled around, it carried such a tired, “been there, done that” feel that seemed to permeate the entire affair – right down to the performances themselves. Still, it’s packed with an impressive line-up – including Elton John, Tom Jones, Duran Duran, Lily Allen, Fergie, Kanye West, and… well… Ricky Gervais. The 2-disc set also contains the home movies seen throughout the concert, as well as a behind-the-scenes documentary.

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Ian McShane’s be-mulleted antique dealer/sleuth Lovejoy (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$49.98 SRP) returns for the show’s second season of close calls and choice finds. The 3-disc set features all 11 episodes, plus both an interview and a retrospective piece with McShane himself, long before he called anyone a cocksucker in Deadwood. Good times.

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Watching a remake is always a dangerous affair – made even more treacherous when the original flick is actually a classic. The classic remake in question is 3:10 To Yuma (Lionsgate, Rated R, DVD-$29.95 SRP), which finds Russell Crowe assuming the role of outlaw Ben Wade, whose capture by Civil War vet Dan Evans (Christian Bale) sets in motion a chain of events when he’s asked to deliver the fugitive to the titular train at the titular time with Wade’s gang in hot pursuit. Thankfully, the remake delivers – and while it doesn’t outshine the original, it’s certainly no embarrassment. Bonus features include an audio commentary, making-of documentaries, and deleted scenes.

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For far too long, Cat Stevens (now Yusuf Islam) has been on a self-imposed exile from popular music, releasing the occasional religious-themed album but refraining from performing any of his classic catalogue or writing an album of new pop material. Thankfully, he’s reconsidered his stance and delivered a mighty fine concert live from London’s Porchester Hall, which can be found on the DVD Yusuf’s Café Session (Universal Music, Not Rated, DVD-$14.99 SRP). In addition to the concert itself (which also contains a few new tunes), the DVD features a first person documentary on his life and career, plus additional videos.

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Unlike last year’s lackluster season of 24, the latest season of what’s pretty much the British equivalent, MI-5 (BBC, Not Rated, DVD-$79.98 SRP), is a rollercoaster of intrigue and thrills – starting off with a two-part episodes that finds Britain on the brink of anarchy and the cause may be within the government itself. The 5-disc 5th season set features all 10 episodes, plus a pair of audio commentaries, a “Guide To Series 5” featurette, and a sneak peek at series 6.

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Rejoice in the DVD debut of the Wonder Twins Zan & Jayna and space monkey Gleek with the release of season one, volume one of The All New Super Friends Hour (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$26.98 SRP). The 2-disc box set features 7 full episodes, plus a retrospective featurette and a spotlight on the guest stars. Wonder Twin Powers, activate!

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Like King Of Queens and Everybody Loves Raymond before it, Two And A Half Men (Warner Bros., Not Rated, DVD-$44.98 SRP) is an affably harmless sitcom that has no other aspiration than to provide about 20 minutes of disposable comedy – and I’m perfectly fine with that. The 2nd season set features all 24 episodes, plus a pair of behind-the-scenes featurettes and a gag reel.

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Celebrating the landmark album’s 30th anniversary, Bob Marley & The Wailers’ classic Exodus (Island, $13.98 SRP) gets an aural sprucing up. Sadly, there’s no bonus material to speak of, but for the audio quality alone this is a must-have.

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After the full release of the complete first season in one set, Paramount has decided to split up the 2nd season set of Gunsmoke (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$36.99 SRP) into 2 volumes. Volume 1 features the first 20 episodes of that sophomore season, plus the original sponsor spots.

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As much as I love Meat Loaf as a singer and a performer, I’ve got to admit that – for the past decade – his live performances have almost become someone doing a parody of his “style”. I don’t know if the increasingly wavering vocals – which were always in his performances, and used for emotion – were due to a weakening voice, as it’s recently come to pass that he’s had to cancel shows due to vocal chord problems, but the Meat Loaf of the 3 Bats Live concert DVD (Hip-O, Not Rated, DVD-$19.98 SRP) was, to say the least, a disappointment. His timing on the songs culled from all 3 Bat Out Of Hell albums was all over the place, giving the concert the feel of bad karaoke. Occasionally, the old Meat would reappear – but then it seems like he’d be driven back into hell by this odd doppelganger. Come back Meat!

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After a couple of one-off releases, Nickelodeon has dropped the complete first season of The Naked Brothers Band (Paramount, Not Rated, DVD-$26.99 SRP). The 2-disc set features all 13 episodes, plus featurettes and music videos.

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So there you have it… my humble suggestions for what to watch, listen to, play with, or waste money on this coming weekend. See ya next week…

-Ken Plume

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Trailer Park: I’ve Been Pull-Quoted

Filed under: Trailer Park — admin @ 2:21 am

By Christopher Stipp

Archives? Right Here…

Instead of putting off and putting off and putting off my vow to somehow market my first book I am letting people download my first book for free. Give it a preview or read the whole thing for free. Download and read my “Thank You, Goodnight” right HERE.

Some stray thoughts as I head into this week’s column:

A) I saw CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR and JUNO last week.

First, CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR. I’m not really here to give a review but I can’t help but to try and seek some kind of understanding from people smarter than myself for why this movie is even being mentioned as an Oscar contender.

It wasn’t so much the question of the irresistible force versus the immovable object, Tom Hanks’ and Philip Seymour Hoffman’s performances versus Julia Roberts’ forehead, but the movie lacked any clear dramatic thrust. Here you had a notorious Lothario who just happened to get involved with a cause that moved him to step out of his comfort zone for a bit. What the problem was for me, then, was Hanks’ detachment from the situation. He pulled some strings, stumped a little bit and stomped his feet; there wasn’t anything really at stake for a man who just wanted to keep getting re-elected term after term.

I’m also a little pissed that this movie took a “no comment” stance regarding how this Afghan/Soviet war gave rise to someone who was going to take his training and turn it back around on his handlers: Osama bin Laden. Um, this was kind of a big deal and to kind of relegate it to “whatever” territory in the final draft of this movie is a bit of an insult to everyone’s intelligences.

How it could have been improved: Make this movie all about Philip Seymour Hoffman. The movie would have proved to have been a much more enjoyable experience if it solely focused on what was at stake for this goofy, intelligent and snap-mouthed man named Gust. He’s obviously been having a stellar year with THE SAVAGES, CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR and BEFORE THE DEVIL KNOWS YOUR DEAD. His could have been the story that had some weight to it. Unfortunately, we’re treated to something that you can’t help but feel underwhelmed by at the end.

Secondly, JUNO. One thing about the backlash which I hope happens against Diablo Cody (For the love of Christ, your name is Brook. Unless you go back to throwing panties at my face in the same strip joint where you slung your milk jugs around for a wad of Washingtons your name is Brook) it should only extend into the questioning as to why the witty pitter-patter between the characters in the movie, namely out of Ellen Page’s mouth, is seen for what it is: bullshit. I don’t know any emo kid who talks like that unless instructed to do so by a Hollywood screenwriter and, as Rainn Wilson showed, I have never heard a register jockey working at the local 5 and dime have such cutesy patois at his disposal. In fact, I would dare any of you to find anything to like about that miserable twat for the first half of the film. She needed Allison Janney to apply the backhand of justice across that sour face of hers, that much I can say. However, and this is a big however, the movie eventually settles down and then deserves the adulation it’s getting from a lot of people. You can’t help but love Michael Cera and Ellen by the end of this thing and, for that, I think Brook is a brilliant screenwriter. Huzzah.

B) American Gladiators. I love this show and It’s everything Bill Hicks said was wrong with America. I think this show is a little heavy on the theatrics, I wish I could talk to someone who produces this show to tell them how much I appreciate having something like this as I hammer out my column but I am all about loving seeing normal people get all sorts of whoop-assed in the ultimate homage to reality/scripted television.

C) HORRORS OF WAR. I was looking for HOME ALONE for my 4 year-old as we planned our New Year’s evening and about where the H’s were all sort of mish-mashed together I saw the cover art for what looked like a pretty sweet rental: it had the visage of Hitler, some flags donning swastikas and a pack of the undead. I don’t know what caused me to pick it up, I usually laugh at the direct-to-DVD fare that litters the gutters of that place, Antonio Sabato Jr. and Tom Selleck have obviously made it a cottage industry, but I was absolutely thrilled beyond words when I saw my pull-quote from a column I did almost two years ago:

Nothing says “wicked awesome” better than paring a WWII movie and Nazi zombies together in one film.”

It filled me with the kind of joy only reserved for late night rendezvous with the wife but, in an honest sense, it was like a little bit of validation for all the people who have knocked on my e-mail box looking for a little exposure inside this column. Sure, these filmmakers go elsewhere as well to get as many people to look at their film but it was just nice to see my words printed on a little DVD box. Hell, I wasn’t even quoted by name but by the site but I am honored nonetheless.

D) I got my room for Comic-Con in July. For the love of God, is there anyone else going this year?

So much to do before summer gets here…

STOP LOSS (2008)

Director: Kimberly Peirce
Cast:
Ryan Phillippe, Abbie Cornish, Channing Tatum, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ciarán Hinds, Timothy Olyphant, Victor Rasuk, Rob Brown
Release: March 28, 2008
Synopsis:
Decorated Iraq war hero Sgt. Brandon King makes a celebrated return to his small Texas hometown following his tour of duty. Brandon tries to resume the life he left behind with the help and support of his loving family, and his best friend, Steve Shriver, who served with Brandon in Iraq. Alongside their war-time buddies, Brandon and Steve try to make peace with civilian life. Then, against Brandon’s will, a “Stop-Loss” order is issued by the Army which indefinitely extends his enlistment and forces him back to Iraq. This devastating change upends Brandon’s entire world. The conflict into which he is thrown tests everything he believes in: the bond of family, the loyalty of friendship, the limits of love and the value of honor.

View Trailer:
* Large (Flash)

Prognosis: Negative. Here’s the funny thing about the illegal Iraq war we’re in: the art that has spawned it has been incredible.

From the 2nd book and screenplay I’m writing to documentaries to feature length films to books to TV shows to everything else multimedia under the technological sun there is a lot of choices you have as a consumer to take this whole experience in. And it’s not like there’s any time distance for any of these things because there is still a war being waged on the other side of the world.

The result, obviously, is that there are some projects that work better than others. Some people’s stance on what the war has done to them, artistically, is really hit or miss. Yeah, war sucks and that the powers that be should be held accountable for all the wretched things that have been done in America’s name (and that name is M-U-D in many of the countries outside of our little isolationist bubble) but this movie in particular seems to suck a little harder.

I don’t want to denigrate the message of the movie, which is possibly quite altruistic, but the execution of the trailer is bad. Awful, in fact.

I can appreciate the use of “Bodies” by Drowning Pool but the context for the opening voiceover from Ryan Philippe, his words getting slightly obfuscated by the song, duh, is muddled. We’re trying to understand the plot of the film but the substance of the film is being stymied by the need to hit the audio post of the raging rock song with the firing of a shoulder powered rocket launcher.

I know war is supposed to be confusing and disorienting but that doesn’t apply to trailers. We should have a crystal clear understanding of what we’re watching but as we continue through this preview/mash-up rock video. I mean, really, the first half of this trailer is chock full o’ crap and there is no photo montage that can save it from being anything less than poorly constructed.

However, we take a turn for the better when Ryan sits and gets told he’s now part of Dubbya’s administration’s Stop-Loss which, in effect, holds soldiers in Iraq a little longer after their supposed term of service. When Ryan realizes this is what’s happening to him this was actually a moment when the trailer should have started.

This trailer is actually riveting when you see it play out AFTER we get what’s happening. It’s almost as if the first half was a part of some prison work release program that was compiled by sex offenders and the second one was polished by well-meaning individuals. Night and day.

The trailer excels when we get to ground zero of these people’s lives when it’s understood that the crux of the film seems to deal with what happens after you realize you have to leave, again, into a hellhole you thought you weren’t returning to ever again. Ryan’s flirting with leaving the country, at least I think that’s what he’s doing, to avoid shipping off is a nice touch.

I will say that the final moments of the trailer drift into the maudlin and the overly dramatic (“Oscar people! Look at me!!! These are real tears! I am teh awesome!”) and it really takes back a lot of the goodwill I was giving it.

I just wish, at the end of it all, someone had a consistent voice directing this thing. As it stands I feel like I was on the teacup ride at Disneyland with as many turns this thing took.

10,000 B.C. (2008)

Director: Roland Emmerich
Cast:
Steven Strait, Camilla Belle, Cliff Curtis
Release: March 7, 2008
Synopsis:
From director Roland Emmerich comes a sweeping odyssey into a mythical age of prophesies and gods, when spirits rule the land and mighty mammoths shake the earth. In a remote mountain tribe, the young hunter, D’Leh (Steven Strait), has found his heart’s passion – the beautiful Evolet (Camilla Belle). When a band of mysterious warlords raid his village and kidnap Evolet, D’Leh is forced to lead a small group of hunters to pursue the warlords to the end of the world to save her. Driven by destiny, the unlikely band of warriors must battle saber-tooth tigers and prehistoric predators and, at their heroic journey’s end, they uncover a Lost Civilization. Their ultimate fate lies in an empire beyond imagination, where great pyramids reach into the skies. Here they will take their stand against a powerful god who has brutally enslaved their people.

View Trailer:
* Medium (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Negative. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

Seriously, is this a joke without it being funny? If you want to know all the reasons why this looks about as much fun as lighting your nuts on fire with a Bic lighter as you drench your yam bag with spearmint rubbing alcohol from Ralph’s stay tuned.

First of all, fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, you’re going to get the chance, bub. If any of you here present remember my award for most deceptive trailer a couple of years ago when THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW fooled us all into thinking it was like Michael Bay’s triumphant return to form with TRANSFORMERS, I can tell you that I am still smarting from the complete bullshit that fooled me into paying to see that movie.

What you ultimately ended up with was a movie that wasn’t even classifiable as a tent pole from the standpoint that it could have been enjoyed forever as a movie meant to symbolize what summer movies were all about: dumb fun. It would be too easy to point a finger and say “Yeah, it sure got the dumb part right” but there are scads of you out there who know exactly what I am talking about; the movie suffered from too much reliance on special effects without there being a sustainable script to help enjoin that framework.

Argue with me all you like but you’d be wrong.

This movie doesn’t look any better if anyone out in the public learned what to be on the lookout for with Roland’s moviemaking. If anyone is going to give a nod to the man it should be for INDEPENDENCE DAY or even UNIVERSAL SOLDIER. The homoerotic subtexts of both these movies could be perfect for a master’s thesis but since we’re talking about this trailer I will say that the same subtext is alive and well.

I like the whole light imagery at the beginning of the trailer. At first I thought this might be a movie about modern people having to learn to survive without any power, electricity; that’s a movie I would pay money to see. In fact, I’m copyrighting that idea right here. It’s certainly better than what we’re given here.

Wooly mammoth hunting? White dudes in dreadlocks? Same white dudes in dreadlocks having sparkling white molars? Where the fuck did they get the Crest and dental floss to maintain such a naturally pearly smile?

I’m confused by the INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM script lift with some colony thinking that the white guy in dreads was meant to liberate them from a naturally beefy, and shirtless, overlord. The saber-toothed tigers are a nice mix but having me understand how this one guy traverses both snow, water and desert in one movie hurts my head to even consider.

And the genre itself, Sword and Sandal, is already a hard sell after so many crap films have failed to elicit the interest of a fickle public that didn’t care about Brad Pitt or even Colin Farrell in tighty whities.

See it if you must but consider me properly warned after fooling me twice now. I’m on to you, Roland”¦

Win SAVING SARAH CAIN on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:02 am

We’re giving away, in conjunction with Fox Home Entertainment, five (5) copies of SAVING SARAH CAIN on DVD.

Contest ends at midnight EST on Friday, January 18th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Friday, January 18th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/11/2008

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:01 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • More Mock The Week – Season 1 Episode 3, Part 1… (Thingamabob)

January 10, 2008

Win the DAVID BOWIE CD Box Set!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:33 am

We’re giving away, in conjunction with Sony Legacy, a copy of the DAVID BOWIE CD Box Set to one (1) lucky winner.

This limited edition box set contains the 2-disc special editions of Bowie’s 5 most recent studio albums – OUTSIDE (1995), EARTHLING (1997), HOURS”¦ (1999), HEATHEN (2002), and REALITY (2004).

Contest ends at midnight EST on Thursday, January 17th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Thursday, January 17th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/10/2008

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:01 am

thingamabobs.jpg

The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

————————————————

  • More Mock The Week – Season 1 Episode 2, Part 1… (Thingamabob)

January 9, 2008

Win THE RICHES: SEASON ONE on DVD!

Filed under: Contests — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:48 am

We’re giving away, in conjunction with Fox Home Video, three (3) copies of THE RICHES: SEASON ONE DVD set.

Wayne and Dahlia Malloy (Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver) and their three children are a family of on-the-run travelers who live their lives conning and scamming the unsuspecting, greedy “buffers” of the world. However one day ““ in a darkly comedic, yet fortuitous twist of fate ““ an opportunity presents itself, allowing The Malloys to escape from their past by pulling off the con of all cons, join the enemy and become “The Riches.” Little did The Riches know that while life on the road may have been hard, that was nothing compared to life as law abiding citizens in an affluent gated community.

Contest ends at midnight EST on Wednesday, January 16th.

CLOSED! THANKS FOR ENTERING!

Official Rules

No member of Quick Stop Entertainment or their immediate families may enter.

No Purchase necessary to win.

Must be 18 years of age or older to enter.

All submitted entries must be received by 11:59pm EST on Wednesday, January 16th.

The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after notification of win to receive the product.

Quick Stop Thingamabobs: 1/9/2008

Filed under: Columns,Thingamabobs — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:54 am

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The web. It’s a big place, full of plenty of distractions ““ some funny, some informative, some ludicrous, some disturbing, some inane, some profound. Each and every weekday, we present links to a few of our favorite finds”¦

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  • Another great UK series, Mock The Week, Season 1 Episode 1, Part 1… (Thingamabob)
  • A little too hot for TV Mock The Week(Thingamabob)

January 8, 2008

SModcast 43

Filed under: SModcast — UncaScroogeMcD @ 7:55 am

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SModcast is the meandering palaver of a pair of dudes whose voices are so dull, they don’t deserve to be on the radio (and, hence, aren’t). Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier are SModcast.

The best thing about SModcast? It don’t cost nothing.

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SModcast 43: SMorpheus –

In which our heroes discuss SMod after death, and then descend into the Matrix to determine the reality of PodBabies, post-pod love, virtual weight loss, the power of a crappy life, and whether the virtual world makes a man happier.

[CONTENT WARNING] SModcast features harsh language and even harsher notions of propriety. Listener discretion is advised.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
SModcast 43 (MP3 format) – 48.28 MB

[display_podcast]

SUBSCRIBE
Subscribe to this Podcast via iTunes
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Wanna add your two cents? Spend it here, in the SModcast mailbag.

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CLICK HERE FOR THE SMODCAST ARCHIVES

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Toy Box: Boba Fett Mighty Mugg

Filed under: Columns,Toy Box — admin @ 6:30 am

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Old Boba has been immortalized in just about every way possible. It’s not bad for a guy with only a handful of lines and an embarrassing death.

The latest incarnation is on the shelves at your local Target. It’s called a “Mighty Mugg”, and is a series of Star Wars figures done in a designer vinyl style. You know what I’m talking about – hollow rotocast smooth vinyl figures that use paint as their main source of definition.

There are several in the first wave, including Han Solo, Chewbacca, Darth Vader…and of course, Boba Fett. As a big collector of all things Fett, I couldn’t pass him up, particularly at the ten buck price tag.

If you have any questions, just drop me an email at mwc@mwctoys.com. Now on with the review…

Boba Fett Mighty Mugg

The designer vinyl figure craze has been in full swing for a couple years, and yet I’m still surprised to see major retailers take a chance on it. If anything seems clearly a collector focused line, it’s something like this, but it’s nice to see the mass market folks trying to tap into the market a bit more.

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Packaging – ***
The boxes are a tad flimsy, but at least the graphics are clean and vibrant. They do look like most every other vinyl specialty line, but most folks seeing these at Target aren’t going to realize that. There’s also a window in the box to allow you to see the figure, and the packaging can be opened and resealed without damage (aka ‘collector friendly’).

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Sculpting – **1/2
‘Sculpting’ is a bit of a misnomer here, since there really isn’t any. With this type of figure (much like the mini block figures), the body, limbs and head all have one general shape, size and style, and it’s the paint that makes the characters truly unique.

Unfortunately, the style here ain’t really flippin’ my patties. The head approximates a helmet I suppose, but it actually looks much better with the human characters (like Han) than it does with the helmeted characters (like Vader and Fett). For someone like Boba, the style is simply too rounded for my tastes.

He does stand up great on his own though, and the hands COULD hold something if something was available. The jetpack isn’t removable, but it’s a decent looking addition. Whether you really consider this a ‘vinyl’ figure or not is debatable, as the material they’ve used seems a lot more like a very hard plastic, but they’re still trying to piggy back on the vinyl popularity with the style.

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Paint – ***1/2
The paint is critical, and it’s nice to see that it’s very clean and neat. The cut lines are razor sharp, and there’s no bleed and almost no slop. In fact, the quality reminds me of some much more expensive vinyl specialty market stuff, which surprised me considering the cost.

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Articulation – **
Vinyl figures aren’t known for their articulation, but even then this one is a tad lacking. He has a neck joint and cut shoulders. The legs appear to have cut joints at the top, but mine don’t want to turn. Even if they did, there wouldn’t be much point, since turning them wouldn’t have any appreciable effect on the pose.

If you’re a regular buyer of designer vinyl stuff, this lack of articulation won’t be much of a surprise.

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Accessories – Bupkis
Yep, nothing here. A blaster would have gone a long way to improving this guy for me.

Fun Factor – **
This isn’t for kids, and not because they’d break it. In fact, they’d be able to show it some pretty serious abuse, and it would be fine. No, this isn’t for them because there’s not much point to playing with him.

Value – ***1/2
Designer vinyl figures tend to be expensive, and in some cases, very expensive. Even the specialty market stuff that’s produced in moderate quantity can run $40 or $50 a pop easy, and the more limited stuff runs in the hundreds. When I picked this guy up off the shelf at Target, I was therefore expecting twenty bucks to be on the tag, and was quite happily surprised to see just $10.

Now, on the flip side, let’s keep in mind that there’s not much to any vinyl figure like this. The high end pricing gets driven by artist demand, not actual cost. But with a mass market item like this, actual cost is much more a factor…and that cost is relatively low.

Things to Watch Out For –
Zippo!

Overall – ***
I liked this guy better in the package than out – that’s never a good sign. He actually would have lost another half star on my overall if not for the excellent value, particularly for folks that are accostumed to paying 4, 5 or more times the price. I think that most folks that are really into these will pick up the whole series, because that’s how they really look best – as a set together on the shelf. Individual figures don’t really don’t do as much for you.

Where to Buy –
Target and Toys R Us are getting these in at around $10 a pop.

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