DURHAM – After decades of pathetic Blue Devil basketball players, there’s finally a Macho Man on the Duke campus. Randy Jones, best known as the Cowboy in the Village People, was an honored guest and featured entertainer at the NC Pride celebration on Coach K’s turf.
The Cowboy is the third most famous Tarheel behind Andy Griffith and Michael Jordan. Randy is a true Tarheel since he received a Morehead scholarship at UNC-Chapel Hill. He also has plenty of local ties with numerous relatives in the crowd. His charming cousin was running his booth where his recent solo CD Ticket to the World was moving at a brisk pace.
Randy doesn’t look close to the 55 he just turned. You wouldn’t accept his application for the AARP without two forms of ID. For a man who has spent the last three decades in the hectic world of Showbiz, he’s been able to keep the road years from turning him into Buddy Ebsen. He really should be on an infommercial selling us his skin care treatment.
The performance was fun at the outdoor event. Randy sang along with the instrumental tracks on a CD. While many people would taken back by just seeing one of the six Village People on stage, Randy gives more than 17 percent of a show. A majority of his set list featured songs from Ticket of the World. He opened with Kylie Minogue’s “Your Disco Needs You.” He bedazzled Glen Campbell’s “Rhinestone Cowboy.” At the end of the short set, he got the crowd up and signing with “YMCA.” Unlike the “Macarena,” it’s still fun to make the YMCA letters.
Even though he’s no longer a touring member of the Village People, Randy’s been extra busy with various projects including the solo record. We chatted briefly before the performance. He had driven up to the festival from his beach house on the NC coast. (He also has a place in the Village). Since he travels a lot for business, he rarely hits the road for vacation. He was heading out to Arizona for his next performance. Recently he hosted a disco themed Carnival cruise ship which didn’t dock at Key West, but went to St. Thomas instead. He’s an icon in overdrive.
Earlier in the year, Randy was a celebrity panelist on “Paint That Naming” (they had to jumble the title to avoid a lawsuit from the Name That Tune owners). Along with Randy, the namers included artist Nicole Eisenman and Michel Gondry (director of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). The internet show is a hoot as group of folks compete to name Mark Kostabi’s latest art for $20 a pop. This show ought to be on Bravo. I want to be a panelist. Paint That Naming looks cooler than Celebrity Jeopardy. Towards the end of the episode, Randy performs “YMCA” with the house band.
He’s promised an in-depth interview to the column. We must find out if Stephen Colbert wants to comb his mustache. What was it like to take direction from Rhoda’s mom? How to know if you’re paid too much for your chaps? If you want to figure out if Randy’s riding into your town or info on how to get his record, visit RandyJonesWorld.com.
HALL OF LAME
Anyone thrilled by this year’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominees? Besides the mothers of the nominees? Jann Wenner (publisher of Rolling Stone) and his committee have given us more head scratching than toe tapping.
We get dance acts in Madonna, Chic and Donna Summer. They poured on the rap with the Beastie Boys and Afrika Bambaataa, Completely out of left field is folkie stud Leonard Cohen. Once more, the rock acts are in the minority with British invasion vets the Dave Clark Five, surf instrumentalists The Ventures and man who dumped Diane for a supermodel, John Cougar Mellencamp. Of the nine acts, five will soon be elected. Actually there’s only four of eight since there’s a “lock” in the pack. Turns out Wenner was exposed for yanking the Dave Clark Five to put in Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five at last year’s ceremony. The Dave Clark Five will be elected or there will be lawsuit. I hope Dave has been practicing his “surprised to be a winner” smile instead of a “pissed off for being robbed” scowl.
Why did Wenner cheat the voters of their power? Perhaps his masterplan featured the Beasties going in this year. Imagine how the rap community would feel if a trio of white knuckleheads who started out as a novelty act talking about “Fighting for your right to party” gets into the Hall before a serious contender? Rappers would consider the Hall a fraud like a the rest of the music world does.
According to way too many sources, the whole nomination and electing of winners has been reduced to one man: Jann Wenner of Rolling Stone. Yup. He’s stacked the nominating committee with his pack of Stoned bitches including Toure! Having seen this Toure guy on various talking heads show, he’s never struck me as a fan of rock and roll. And judging from this year’s nominees, Rock and Roll seemed to be the lowest priority for an act to be nominated. How can only a third of the nominees be rock acts? This isn’t the Pop Music Hall of Fame. This is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Another problem is that the Hall isn’t about who deserves a plaque on the wall, but what acts can attract a crowd willing to spend $3,000 for a plate of rubber chicken. Madonna, the Beasties and Johnny Cougar are locks based on this requirement. This leaves one slot which might go to Chic since Nile Rodgers has a Madonna connection.
Since he was one of my favorite interviews, the Party Favors is backing the campaign of Leonard Cohen. “Don’t Go Home with Your Hard-on” has more rock to it than “True Blue.” Plus Leonard needs the cash before the IRS goes Willie Nelson on his ass.
The Beasties induction is disturbing since the Hall is counting their Polly Wog Stew EP from when they were a teenage punk band. Think how many years it took Van Halen and ZZ Top to get inducted and Jann lets the Beasties waltz in on music that doesn’t have a thing to do with why the masses embraced them. Next year they’ll induct Good Charlotte based on an answering machine messages left by the twins when they sang “Happy Birthday” to grandma. Why should the Beasties “punk” efforts get them into the Hall before Black Flag or Minor Threat?
You might think the 9 nominees are great, but here’s a few folks that Jann hasn’t allowed to be inducted (or even nominated in many cases): Roxy Music, Todd Rundgren, Steve Miller, Chicago, Motorhead, Laura Nyro, Tom Waits, Warren Zevon, Heart, Kate Bush, Cheap Trick, Yes, Gram Parsons, B-52s, The Cars, Emerson Lake and Palmer. Joe Meek, Journey, Screamin’ Jay Hawkins, King Crimson, New York Dolls, Iggy and the Stooges, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds and Kiss. That’s plenty of Rock and Roll acts. Why are we staring at only three rock nominees this season? Even from a pop perspective, how can Abba, Hall & Oates and Neil Diamond get brushed aside? Are they just not hip enough for the cover of the Rolling Stone? Where’s Wolfman Jack? He’s rock and roll.
Before the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame starts overwhelmingly inducting disco and rap acts, they need to at least get the major job of Rock and Roll on the walls. I don’t see VH1’s Rap Honors inducting Allen Sherman for his pioneering work known as “Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh” aka “Camp Granada.” He’s got as much to do about bringing rap to middle America as Madonna has for rockin’ out.
Rumor has it that Jann’s biggest wish is to induct Yoko Ono. He’s plotting to sneak the Plastic Ono band onto the podium to fulfill this dream. Who can resist another induction of Eric Clapton and John Lennon? Yoko is just a bonus in that ballot. He must be stopped. In four years he’ll have Don Johnson inducted since his magazine did declare “Don Johnson: Rock & Roll Star.” Wanna know who got in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame before Steve Miller? Jann Wenner! He’s got his plaque; screw off, Space Cowboy!
Fox’s Roger Friedman wants a boycott of Rolling Stone magazine. This is futile since who buys the magazine? Great aunts who want to find out what’s happening with Bobby Sherman. Rolling Stone is the obituary column for culture. Once they report it, we know it’s been dead for a year. Instead of a boycott, let us all plead for Paul Shaffer to lead a coup d’état at the Rock Hall of Fame. The only way to save Rock and Roll is to destroy the Rolling Stone‘s control over the ballots.
The good news for any band that was ignored this year is that they won’t have to endure Velvet Revolver butchering their hits.
RED IN MOTION
After the last column’s mention of redheads in cable knit sweaters, I received an email directing me to www.officialstrawberryblonde.com. The site has Strawberry Blonde’s video for their single “Do It to the Music.” The music video opens with lead singer Angelica Bridges wrapped up in black sheets of a bed. That grabbed the eyeballs. It harkens back to those days when music videos were more than guys mugging to a fisheyed lens. The song has a cheesy ’80s synth-dance feel to as it plays with the beat of Madonna’s “Everybody.”
My only question, does she make chowder?
MUST CARPETBOMB TV
Why must NBC put their new prime time shows on every cable channel they own? While flipping around over the weekend, I couldn’t shake Chuck. It was on every channel like Stepmom or The Wedding Singer. I watch Bravo to catch up on Top Chef, I don’t want to see Bionic Woman on the schedule. Bravo is all about me fixating on Padma’s arm scar. She beats Tina Fey’s scar.
The sad truth is that none of these new NBC shows look like they’re slumming it on the cable channels. Chuck and Life look perfect on USA. Journeyman and Bionic Woman blend with SciFi’s original output. Nothing screams “Network!”
Thank goodness Dexter has returned to Showtime. And for the first time ever, Showtime is waxing HBO’s ass for original series. Even with the promise of sex, Tell Me You Love Me is too depressing to endure on a weekly basis. It makes Ingmar Bergman’s Scenes From a Marriage resemble Everybody Loves Raymond. And this new season of Curb Your Enthusiasm rubbed me wrong. After five minutes, I turned Larry David off. The show is now on the OnDemand list. With Dexter, Weeds, Californication and Brotherhood, Showtime has taken the lead. HBO is running on pure legacy fumes until the final season of The Wire airs. They shouldn’t have killed Deadwood.
PUNT & BEAN
How many times a week do you get junk mail from sports channels? Lately the NFL Network is doing a safety blitz to get me to beg Time-Warner cable to put their channel on my box. Mid-Atlantic Sports Network (MASN) peppers me to plea for Baltimore Orioles and Washington Nationals games to return to the Raleigh area.
Here’s a simple reply to them: Why?
What’s the point of the NFL Network? Even during the heat of the football season, who doesn’t get enough football news from ESPN and online? Hardcore gamblers and bookies? Why would I need to watch the NFL Network in May? Is it really that entertaining to see defensive ends disco dancing? News? Why bother with league authorized press releases before the Boston Globe gets beneath the marketing jargon? Sure they broadcast a handful of games during the season, but the guys in the booth were pathetic. Why Bryant Gumble? Do you really think he’s Mr. Football? Joe Namath and a bottle of Wild Turkey should call the game. On top of it all, the NFL Network refuses to tell me how much they expect to jack up my cable bill. How much does loyalty cost, Commissioner Goddell?
MASN is even worse. They want two channels on my cable dial to see the Nationals and Orioles games. Two losers for the price of one! They keep harping on the fact that for over 20 years, the Orioles games were on Raleigh cable (back when they were on HTS). I rarely encounter Orioles fans around here. Why does MLB call us an Orioles’ territory? You’ll find more Yankees, Cubs and Redsox fans in this area. Ever since Cal Ripken Jr. retired, has there a reason to watch? The plea from MASN tries to appeal to us by pointing out how many Redsox and Yankees games end up on their schedule. That’s all fine and dandy except this basic fact: Why do I want to listen to a pair of Baltimore homers dissing on my team? When my team leads, the announcers are talking about their pack of losers making a comeback. Those of us who are fans of Yankees and Redsox would rather have those two cable channels used for YES and NESN instead of a pair of basement dwellers. You shouldn’t have to pay for losers.
DIM YOUR SCREENS
While driving home the other night, the car in front of us had its flat screen TVs on the headrests blaring. It was like they had their bright headlights going. If no one is sitting in the back seat watching the screens – turn them off! You’re being a distracting menace to the rest of us. What made the matters worse was the driver kept swerving in the lane like he was drunk. When we pulled up beside him, we could see his dashboard’s screen showing the same movie. Aren’t there laws against this crap?
Luckily we were able to pass him on the green. Last thing I want is to have my car wrecked because this moron was getting too pumped up watching Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.
STRANGER OF DISASTER
Good to see Richard Edson playing Risk in the Traveler’s commercial. He’s got a great face for inadvertent destruction. His appearance reminds me to pick up the new Criterion DVD of Stranger Than Paradise.
I’m rooting for the English guy who keeps finding the internet for AT&T decides to seek signal from inside a shark tank.
NOTICE
If you don’t hear from me in the next few weeks, it’s because I’m watching Twin Peaks – Definitive Gold Box Edition. Finally after years and years of people craving, they have put together a DVD set that has nearly everything linked to the Twin Peaks TV series. It doesn’t have the Fire Walk With Me feature, but without Sherilyn Fenn, the movie falls flat for me. Both seasons and the pilot movie will finally arrive on Oct. 30. This means there’s no reason to watch Chiller on the Dish.
MAKE UP!
If Fred Thompson wants to save his presidential campaign, he needs to dump his advertising. He can’t run like a normal politician. He needs to take a page out of the actor’s Bible. How do you get a major role? You screen test! Thompson needs to show America how he’d react in various situations. Instead of answering the Jack Bauer tortures the terrorist question, recreate the moment when you give order to Waterboard the truth to save America. Show us the power in your hand when you smackdown the Veto stamp to stop the pork. Give us the look when you face down a fellow actor playing the head of Iran. Let us see that you’re not merely an actor, you’re a performer! Give us 60 second screen tests to let us know “that guy’s a president!”
Did you know Shirley Jones is an informal consultant to Hillary Clinton? Ever since Hillary embraced the zen of Shirley Partridge, her campaign has taken off. She’s even doing Shirley’s laugh to get out of tough questions.
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