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Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

  • qsnews.jpgNot wanting to be out-done by his peers, Snoop Dogg was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of possessing a hand-gun and drugs. Police said they became suspicious when they realized the person they were following was Snoop Dogg. This brings Snoop Dogg’s total number of times arrested to 1,122, just 24 times shy of Charlie Sheen.
  • TV anchorman Matt Lauer and his wife Annette welcomed their third child into the world on Wednesday. While the baby, named Thijs, was pronounced healthy upon birth, Matt Lauer’s reaction was said to be surprisingly glib. When asked for comment, the Today show anchor said, “Well. . .at least THIS time it’s white.”
  • And in other news, it appears that not everyone in Kazakhstan hates Borat. A leading Kazakh author, Sapabek Asip-uly, has nominated the comedian behind the character, Sacha Baron Cohen, for a national award.  When asked for comment, Borat said:  “That’s niiiice!  I like sexy time with Sapabek for he give koo-koo good hand relief!  High five!”
  • Executives at Marvel comics are demanding that famed X-Men illustrator, Dave Cockrum, be buried upside down in an un-marked grave after it was discovered that he passed away while wearing Superman pajamas and clutching a Batman blanket.
  • Finally, in today’s obligatory Paris Hilton news – apparently the party is over for newly reconciled friends Hilton and Lindsay Lohan.  Lohan, who in the past has been referred to by Hilton as “Firecrotch,” was seen leaving a fancy-schmancy L.A. nightclub in tears after Hilton reportedly called Lohan a “[expletive] coked-out whore….”  Witnesses were quick to come to Lohan’s defense, saying that the “actress” may be a coked-out whore but Lohan is certainly not [expletive]… or at least not on the night in question.

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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