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I went to see the big Superman movie recently…

And I DO mean big!

Y’see, we drove down to the Palisades Mall, just little over an hour away, near the New York/New Jersey borderline, so as to witness the film’s potential magnificence on an IMAX screen six stories high AND in 3-D! (Okay, so not ALL of it was in 3-D, just a half-dozen specially selected sequences, but still, who can pass THAT up?…) This took a little extra planning on our part, arranging daughter Julie and wife Lynn’s schedules to coincide with an agreeable to all time for the trip, which is why, rabid Man of Steel fan that I am, we didn’t manage to take it in until a full two weeks following its nationwide premiere. During that time — and in the weeks and months leading up to the film’s noisily heralded release — I did my very best to steer clear of any spoilers that may’ve snuck out in the guise of reviews or commentary, and happily, for the most part, I did pretty well.

(Oh, and if YOU still haven’t seen the flick, but fully intend to, now’s probably as good a time as any to stop reading, as in the course of my ramblings, I’ll inevitably let a few Streakys out of the bag…)

Going in, I knew that, in addition to the late Marlon Brando, Jack Larson and Noel Neill had cameos (but since their names were in the opening credits, this wouldn’t have come as any great surprise anyway), Lois had a kid, and — thanks to MSNBC’s Hardball, apparently desperate to fill airtime in those pre-Middle East crisis days — Perry White used the phrase, “Truth, justice, and all that stuff”, leaving out the words “the American way” in some sort of conspiratorial effort to turn the Last Son of Krypton into a dirty, stinking One-worlder, but the rest was all relatively fresh to me.

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So, did I like it?

Well, yeah, I suppose. I didn’t DISLIKE it, and there WAS an awful lot to admire in the film, but as I write this ten days after our journey down to the wilds of the Palisades, a lot of what made an impression on me that afternoon seems to be slowly but inexorably fading.

One thing that did surprise me — and that I liked — was how Superman Returns was structured as such a direct sequel to the very first Christopher Reeve movie (and, I suppose, portions of the inferior second one — happily, the latter two as well as the events in Supergirl appear to have been largely ignored, though I can’t honestly say this with total confidence, as I’ve only ever seen those latter three films once, and Superman 2 but twice…). 1978’s Superman The Movie remains my sentimental favorite of all cinematic comic-book adaptations, and besides shelling out five times during its initial release to see it in a darkened theater — still far and away the most times I’ve ever done THAT, as I can likely count the number of other movies I’ve paid my way into merely twice without even taking my shoes and socks off — I’ve also watched it close to a dozen times on the tube over the years. Oddly, though I bought the DVD that came out a few years back, I haven’t yet cued it up in this latest format, and I know for a fact I haven’t otherwise screened Chris Reeve’s first outing wearing the red cape since before daughter Julie was born, which is (gasp) nearly sixteen years ago now. I guess I’ve always been waiting for her to show some sort of interest in the Man Of Steel’s big screen debut before attempting to foist it on her (a mistake I made with A Hard Day’s Night about five years back, with that Beatles classic called to an abrupt halt after twenty minutes of eye-rolling boredom on her part — but, given her recent blossoming interest in the Fabs, perhaps the time is ripe for another look? Who SAID “not a second time”, hmm?…). All the elements that spilled over from the long-ago original served to peak her interest in the Reeve vehicle, and for my part, made me feel warmly towards this new go at the Superman legend.

For example…

They had me almost immediately by mimicking the original’s opening credits. Yeah, I know they went on way too long — especially back then — but I always savored them if only for the opportunity to bask in the glory of John Williams’ wonderful theme.

And that theme was back!

In a way, though, that really wasn’t fair. Because, y’know, every time it played behind some majestic feat accomplished by our hero, I couldn’t help but get a little choked up, but I had to wonder — was that because of what was happening up on the screen, or was it simply some Pavlovian nostalgic response triggered by hearing that wonderful music? Hard to say — I’ve only seen the movie once, and have no immediate plans to take it in again until the inevitable DVD is issued — but there’s no denying that if that was indeed the filmmakers intention, well, it sure worked.

Marlon Brando’s involvement was admittedly a bit eerie, but effective — especially in his scene with Luthor. A totally unexpected — but nice touch — was seeing the photos of Glenn Ford as Pa Kent on the mantle place at the Kent farm.

Of course, seeing the two veterans of the George Reeves teleseries perform their cameos (in fact, I believe Neill’s voice is the first one you hear, which I interpreted as a fond tip of the hat to the trailblazing program) was fun. And having the first (and the best) Jimmy Olsen share a scene with Sam Huntington, the screen’s latest Daily Planet cub reporter, was a quietly inspired nod to the ongoing changing of the guard that marks Siegel and Shuster’s nigh-immortal creation. (Oh, and while I liked Huntington — he played his part with enthusiasm, managing to provide the audience with some of the movies all too sparse chuckles — I felt he didn’t have quite the right look. While he was a vast improvement over Lois and Clark’s Justin Whalen, the ersatz teen-idol, I feel a more traditionally boyish Jack Larson/Marc McClure look would’ve been preferable to his far less-baby-faced visage.)

The Daily Planet globe — I don’t know if it was an exact replica of the one used in Richard Donner’s film, but it was certainly close enough to satisfyingly recall the one Superman’s seventies era director used.

Then there’s Krypton, ice capital of the universe. Ironically, that was the one aspect of the original movie that threw me at first. And why not? I grew up reading nearly two decades of Superman comics featuring Jor-el in that green sweatshirt of his with the red sun on front, a thin yellow bandanna ringing his Kryptonian cranium, situated in an environment that looked like a sci-fi extrapolation of the Arabian nights. Marlon Brando, all decked out in white, brandishing the iconic “S” symbol on his chest, well, THAT took a little getting used to!

But I did — and NOW, seeing the crystals of Krypton reborn up on the big screen was, in — as they used to say in the funny books — a strange twist of fate, somehow warmly reassuring, nostalgic even! Plus the effects were really, really cool.

And the special effects surrounding that big airplane crash — especially on the giant screen in 3-D — was breathtakingly impressive, particularly when our pal Kal lowers the stricken aircraft gently down on the baseball field to the tumultuous cheers of thousands of fans in the stands. While I didn’t mind the way this mid-air rescue echoed — and improved upon — a similar event in the 1978 film, I was less than thrilled to hear Supes cornball line about flying still being the safest way to travel being repeated almost verbatim (although who knows — maybe we’re to believe that that’s just a bit of prepared patter the Big Guy recites EVERY time he saves a plane?…).

I could’ve done without Superman STILL trying to get Lois to quit smoking — though at least here, there was a new spin offered to this tired bit.

Kevin Spacey? Best Luthor EVER! And unlike the otherwise fine Gene Hackman, he wasn’t afraid to shave his noggin! (Though the way things ended up for him, he appears more likely to resurface in an Aquaman flick before eventually moving onto the next Superman blockbuster…)

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Parker Posey wasn’t quite the bombshell Valerie Perrine was (gee, whatever became of her?…), but she played her part with perhaps more convincing emotional underpinning than anyone else in the film. And not having the smooth-domed criminal genius improbably assisted by the likes of Ned Beatty’s buffoonish Otis — the original film’s one glaring misstep — but instead by a cadre of mostly mum but menacing henchmen played much better. Plus, a majority of the time, I walk out of these super-hero flicks, and almost immediately forget the bad guy’s master plan, but not this time! I’m not saying it was completely well thought out, through — Lex would’ve had a heckuva time trying to build condos on top of those displaced Kryptonian crystals I’m thinking — but it WAS both spectacular, cleverly unique to the source material, and memorable. And more than enough to give the conflicted Ms. Posey pause…

Eva Marie Saint added some quiet elegance — as well as some old time Hollywood glamour — to her role as Ma Kent, brief as it was. Frank Langella’s a long way from Transylvania, heading up things at the Daily Planet as Perry White. He did okay, but I’d still peg him fourth on a list comprised of Lane Smith, John Hamilton, and Jackie Cooper. James Marsden’s role was more a plot device than an actual character, an all too obvious obstacle — but not a bona fide bad guy — for the two star-crossed lovers (Lois and Superman, as if I need remind you) to overcome. Serviceable in a thankless role (they don’t have a category to cover that at the Oscars, do they?…).

Then there’s the kid.

He looked all the world like a Caulkin, but he wasn’t, was he? I can’t honestly say he tugged very hard at my heart-strings — and I’m a self-confessed softie. I also admit to not being very swift (SPOILER ALERT): I didn’t even realize what the big reveal was going to be until Luthor himself confronted Lois with his parentage theory! In fact, mere minutes earlier, when Superman and Lois had their first sustained conversation after his return, she ends their uncomfortable tete’ a tete’ by bitterly declaring that it’s been five years and she’s moved on. When she said that, this thought actually entered my clueless mind: “Yeah? Well, by the looks of that kid, how long’d you wait to move on — a whole week?”

D’oh!

So I think I pretty much know what the sequel’s gonna be about! Bob Haney and Murray Boltinoff would be SO proud…

(And what’s all this talk about Superman being gay? Hey, none of those OTHER guys in the tights managed to impregnate Lois Lane — that’s gotta count for SOMETHING? At most, he’s bi…)

And what about that couple anyway?

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Both Brandon Routh and Kate Bosworth do acceptable jobs, and evidence a fair amount of chemistry together (at least, when he’s in that bright, shiny costume — Lois treats Clark as if he’s an inconsequential acquaintance, making you long for at least even the raw contempt Phyllis Coates would show George Reeves bespeckled reporter upon occasion), but on any personal list of video Supes and squeezes, these two would find themselves way down at the bottom. (For the record, and ruling out the only briefly seen Kirk Alyn and the various Superboys, my own rankings go like this: Christopher Reeve, George Reeves, Dean Cain, and then the new guy. For Lois. it’d be Teri Hatcher, Ms. Coates, Margot Kidder, Noel Neill, and then Kate Bosworth. Maybe I just need to watch and rewatch this latest film, but I doubt my opinions would change all that much).

Routh looked good in the suit, admittedly, and spoke with the quiet authority of Christopher Reeve. Facially, though, I think he came up just a tad bit short. Hey, he’s a great looking guy — no insult meant here — and normally I wouldn’t dream of putting someone’s mug under the microscope, but this is Superman folks! Routh had the strong jaw, but otherwise, I thought his face was too long, his earlobes too flabby, and his spit curl too phony looking (and Clark’s shaggy doo made Kent look too much like a hillbilly, sorry to say). Plus, his nose was too prominent, at least for Superman. Still, he’s no Nicholas Cage, and thank Rao for THAT! Cage is a fine actor, and he can play Johnny Blaze anytime — heck, he can even play LUKE Cage if he wants! — but when his name was floated as a possible Superman several years back, my blood ran cold! With THAT face? Uh uh, wasn’t gonna work — going for the unknown is always the right move, and Routh was pretty darn close, if no Chris Reeve.

So what’ve we got? Spectacular effects, a movie that doesn’t lag, is respectful of the source material, decent writing and performances, and — according to my daughter — a flick that’s FAR better than the Pirates of the Caribbean follow-up, making it easily the second best Superman movie (if not the second best Superman) lensed thus far. And yet, and yet…

Last year’s Fantastic Four movie was lambasted by comics fans and critics alike, but for all its faults — and there were plenty, both as an adaptation and simply as a film — I remember it as a more enjoyable experience, even without the Imax and the 3-D effects. Because Fantastic Four had something Superman Returns was almost entirely devoid of: good natured humor. But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised — as much as Superman was a favorite of mine as a kid, I always had a better time reading a Fantastic Four comic book (or a Spider-Man one) than I did reading the adventures of the Man of Staid. Still, the Reeve movies — not to mention the Cain and Hatcher series — managed their share of clever chuckles, so it CAN be done. Perhaps director Bryan Singer could’ve spent a little less time figuring out ways to turn Superman’s story into some sort of thinly veiled religious allegory and instead worked in a few lighter, humanizing moments? Oh lord, we can only pray he makes an attempt the next time around…

Go see it if you haven’t already. I pick nits, ’tis true, but in the end, a job well done. It was, to quote my daughter, “emo”.

In the meantime, I’m gonna try and round-up my aforementioned offspring — I think the time has finally come to slip that Superman The Movie disc into the DVD player. You remember — that’s the one where Superman saves Lois at the end, NOT the other way around?…

Visit my own Fortress of Solitude, Hembeck.com! (Or my MySpace page, or even send a personal message).

Copyright 2006 Fred Hembeck

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