FRED Entertainment

June 22, 2006

Noctural Admissions: Opus Dei For Night

Filed under: Nocturnal Admissions — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:24 am

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-By D.K. Holm

Nocturnal Admissions is back, and after a two week or so hiatus, while the site made the transition from MoviePoopShoot to QuickStopEntertainment, there are a lot of odds and ends to catch up on.

For example, on June 16th, Roger Ebert dropped out of sight again to undergo further surgery on a recurrent problem, a cancerous growth in his salivary gland. In the introduction to one of his recent yearly compilations, Ebert wrote movingly of his disease and its impact on his job and on his spirit. Ebert has been a friend to this site in the past, and I wish him well. Curiously, I’ve become something of a “defender” of Ebert of late. Here’s the background. When I was younger, and Ebert was first on national TV (on PBS), finding the Pulitzer Prize winning writer’s columns wasn’t so easy, so in evaluating the man all one had to go on was the prize itself and his TV persona, in which he was, then anyway, aggressive, smart, and with a debater’s cunning for his opponent’s weak spots. Only later, when his annual review compilations began to appear, and then with the advent of the WWW, could a curious reader not living in Chicago, or with access to cumbersome library copies of the Sun Times, dive into his prose. Thus in recent years I’ve become quite a fan of Ebert the daily journalist. At the risk of insulting the TV Ebert, the print Ebert is a much better reviewer than the TV version would lead you to thinkÂ Â

On the page he is expansive, generous, confessional, and politically forthright, and has that quality so rare in writers of any kind, common sense. In the past four or five years I get his annuals, issued by Andrews McMeel Publishing in November, and read them from the beginning to (I hope) end while in the bath or going to bed. I go as far as I can, anyway (the next edition usually beats me to the end; I’m only in the “D”s for 2006 and the year’s half over). This immersion in the work of a reviewer is the true test of a reviewer. Can you read the old material with the same urgency and appreciation now that it had then? Does the style in such large gulps wear on you? Though the answer to the first question is “no” when asked of, say, the terribly overrated and sentimentalized James Agee, with Ebert it is yes; and while the answer to the second question is “yes” when it comes to the dread Pauline Kael (Ebert would never use thephrase “dread” of a fellow reviewer, live or dead), for reading Ebert’s style in large doses the answer is “No,” it doesn’t wear on you. It is plain prose that lasts, which isn’t to say that Ebert doesn’t occasionally have the memorable flourish or the odd joke (good phrase: a barber shop in a movie serves as a place where “daily soap operas are played out to loud acclaim or criticism”; good joke: on Dirty Dancing: “I thought the plot was a clunker assembled from surplus parts at the Broken Plots Store”).Â

One knock against Ebert I’ve heard in conversations with friends is that he is too easy on African-American films and actors. Though that may be true of the TV Ebert, the print Ebert is fair and often quite hard on films that displease him. But it is true that he is much nicer in print in general than people seem to take him to be, especially Hollywood types. In fact, the individual ratings for films really only make sense (to me, anyway) if you knock them all down a star. My only complaint against his books, which annually come in at just under 1000 pages, is that the movies are offered up alphabetically instead of chronologically. I wish in the future he would either re-print them in order of publication, or post the actual release date of each film (instead of just the year), or add an appendix that re-lists all the films in chronological order. But that’s just me. In any case, it is testimony to the nature of the times that Ebert must be “discovered” as the fine writer and thinker he really is.Â Â Â

The Closer is back on the tube and it has grown to be one of my favorite crime shows. It’s partially because Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson, as played by Kyra Sedgwick, is a very interesting character, but also because the individual mysteries are in and of themselves quite clever (the show was created by James Duff of Popular, Wolf Lake, and The Agency fame), and it is the latest in a minor genre that is one of my favorites, the “interrogation” genre. Most of John LeCarrÃ©’s novels revolve around a detailed and lengthy interrogation, and the movies A Pure Formality, Closet Land, and Under Suspicion (and its progenitor, Garde Ã vue) are extended interrogations and they allow moreso than in other genres for nuance, detailed and subtle variations in acting tones, and essays on the nature of truth. Johnson is the show’s “closer,” a cop version of Jerry Maguire, the big gun they pull out at the end to seal the deal. These scenes are finely etched. But there is another link that The Closer has, unofficial though it may be. It’s an Americanized version of one of my favorite periodic British TV shows, Prime Suspect. Even some of the male cop sexist pigs Johnson encounters in her job are replicas of the pigs (in both senses of the word) that Helen Mirren’s undermining nemesis, Otley (Tom Bell), has his replicant in The Closer‘s Det. Lt. Provenza (G.W. Bailey), though Provenza can’t not be a cop at times, and helps her our. Like most good shows, The Closer is perfectly cast, from Ox-alum J.K. Simmons to that essence of hard-bitten seen-it-all cops, straight-to-video king Tony Denison as Flynn.

What a difference a Dei makes! I was unprepared for how truly bad The Da Vinci Code was when I finally caught up with it. It was not only a bad movie with terrible dialogue (Her: “Ease eat possible?” Him: It’s not impossible”) that also squandered its budget and location, and cursed with long scenes of talking interrupted by scenes of driving, wherein both the camera swoops and glides hysterically in the manner David Bordwell so well describes in his latest book The Way Hollywood Tells It. It is also no Inquisitor. What’s that you say? Never heard of The Inquisitor?

Back in the 1970s there was a vogue for “mechanic” novels, thrillers in which an operative acted outside the law to thwart crime and communism. The first was Don Pendleton’s The Executioner series, in which Mack Bolen methodically took out the Mafia around the world in vengeance for the accidental death of his family. This was followed by Wayne Murphy and Richard Sapir’s The Destroyer, featuring ex-Jersey cop Remo Williams, which appears to be the most popular and most long lasting. But the best of the genre was The Inquisitor, a delightful series about the Pope’s hitman, who, after every assignment, had to do penance in the dungeons of Vatican City (killing remains a sin, you see). Though there were only a few in the series – The Devil in Kansas, The Last Time I saw Hell, Nuplex Red, His Eminence, Death and The Midas Coffin – they were funny, a highly satiric take on the “mechanic” genre and of at contemporary culture itself (although the Destroyer series has its satiric edge). Though credited to Simon Quinn, Inquisitor books were really written by a very young Martin Cruz Smith,Â Â Â Â Â Â Â

Dan Brown’s novel is part of a long tradition in popular American fiction, from Moby Dick to James Michener, the novel as technical manual. Tom Clancy is the highest current living perpetrator of this style of novel. Books in this mode must be big and fat and tell you how to do simple and complex things, such as how to drain a whale of blubber or navigate the icy depths of the Bering Straight. These books revel in providing the reader with the fruits of the author’s research. Every once in a while a novel like Da Vinci Code comes along, and within living memory they have included Love Story, The Godfather, Jaws, and The Exorcist, books that everybody seemed to be reading or have read and that at the same time the elites hated. There is a secret to all these books that I am loath to expose, but they all became very popular movies.

The point is, though, that they were mostly good movies, era defining movies, career announcing movies. Da Vinci (shouldn’t it be the Leonardo Code? [Da Vinci means a place of birth, and isn’t a name]) is none of these things (a career ender, maybe). Nothing in it is clear. Who are the bad guys? What did she say? What does the end mean?

Owen Gleiberman of Entertainment Weekly raises the good questions in his blog commentary on the film, noting that the movie changes he book significantly, mostly in leaving out “Dan Brown’s ultimate thesis about the evolution of Christianity – i.e., its suppression of the ”sacred feminine.” In the movie, the notion that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married and had descendents is the cornerstone of the conspiracy. The Church, as presented, is guilty of covering up a fact – the human proof of Christ’s bloodline. That, of course, is true in the novel as well, yet what gets muddled, if not lost, in the movie is the spiritual significance of Christ’s having been married. Throughout the novel, Dan Brown uses the lighting-rod issue of Christ-as-husband to ask, in a far more general and embracing way, What happened, over the course of two millennia, to women in the church? Were they ever more central? Why did goddess culture – an undisputable truth of history – fade?”

Some time in the late 1970s or very early 1980s, Saturday Night Live did a parody of 60 Minutes or at least the Andy Rooney part, with a NRFPT Player (Joe Piscopo? Al Franken?) slumped at a desk, huge eyebrows quivering, and asking the camera in great anger, “Have you thought about shoes lately?!” The opening salvo capture perfectly the banality, the false whimsy, the unfocused crotchetiness, What we really didn’t know was that Andy Rooney really isn’t a humorist, because he doesn’t have a sense of humor, as shown in the way he reacted to Ali G.’s attempt at an interview with him. I assume that a humorist requires a sense of humor but perhaps I’m being optimistic. In any case, Rooney reversed the usual order of parody on Sunday, June 4th, by dedicating his segment to “¦ shoes, reaching finally after 20-some years the depths of banality that SNL had unknowingly predicted for him. His rage at shoes. Their expense. Their ugliness. The fact that they accumulate (he hauled all his shoes over from his no doubt expensive abode in order to prove this). And so forth. The segment wasn’t funny. But then, Rooney never is. It wasn’t insightful, or whimsical, or even quotable (the collected wit of Andy Rooney is a slim, if existent, volume).

as anyone else noticed how the Dodge Caliber commercial (titled “Too Tough”) has been censored or edited? This is the commercial where the cute Tinkerbelle clone is raising havoc in a city trying to change things into child’s toy versions of themselves. She meets her match in the Dodge Caliber, which bounces her spells back at her till she collapses in defeat. When a street tough laughs at her, deriding her as a “stupid fairy,” she “taps” him into a sweater garbed Fire Island denizen with four Pekinese instead of White Supremacist with an attack dog (I know I don’t have the breed quite right here”).

However, since that commercial has first aired, the “Stupid fairy” line has been excised. Or at least is often excised (sometimes late at night the whole text is there). Sometimes its there and sometimes it’s not. Did a gay rights group protest, or did the commercial suddenly seem offensive to the car company when they finally saw it on TV?

While on hiatus from QuickStop-to-be, I wrote an exhaustive and exhausting (to read) review of John Ford’s The Searchers over at the DVDJournal.com.

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Tales from the Toybox: Wolverine vs. Sabretooth

Filed under: Shopping Guides — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:17 am

-By Ken PlumeÂ

In a rivalry spanning decades (and a backstory that seems to change depending on which direction the editorial wind happens to be blowing that day), Wolverine and Sabretooth have been among the top tier of “classic” Marvel match-ups.

Sideshow Collectibles has chosen these two combatants to inaugurate their Marvel “VS” series of polystone dioramas. Standing over a foot tall (and nearly as wide), it’s an impressive piece of sculpture that can’t help but draw your attention ““ I mean, the thing is friggin’ huge.

Limited to an edition size of 1500, this little piece of sculptural tussle will set you back $250. Â

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International Intrigue: The 10 Best Foreign Films Of the ’90s

Filed under: International Intrigue — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:16 am

-By Alison Veneto

Welcome to my first Quick Stop Entertainment version of International Intrigue. I can only imagine it’ll be quite similar to the Movie Poop Shoot version, but anything is possible. Perhaps the changeover will make me more clever and intelligent. We can dream anyway.

An introduction for any newbies who have drifted to our fine new shores — as your deductive reasoning may have already figured out this is where I write about the foreign films. A quick look through the archives when are they are brought over will show you that this largely means always talking about films from Asia and pretty much never talking about films from other continents except occasionally Europe. But I always do my best to cover what you want to know about based on your e-mails and now your posts (I’m sure a link somewhere at the bottom will direct you to my shiny new section of the forum).

Since the newbies do not know about my tendency to have some of the longest columns on the site, I’ll try to keep to the spirit of “˜quick stop’ and write columns slightly shorter than a Russian novel so you can read them in one sitting instead of over the course of a number of hours. Although all this pre-column blabber is not helping me any, so let’s get on with it:

The Top 10 Foreign Films Of The 1990s.
And let’s start right off with controversy shall we? Every time one makes a list of any sort, the amount of angry people always manages to out-number the amount of satisfied ones. Obviously it’s all a matter of taste. But a lot of people who are not well schooled in the ways of foreign films often have trouble knowing where to start. And at the very least, I’m going to try to help with that. Here’s a list of where to begin your education so you can impress all your friends at tea parties.

(I’m going to wuss out on numbering them and just go alphabetical):

AFTERLIFE (Japan)
Japan had some really great movies in the 90s and it was hard to pick (I ended up naming two). They’re all very diverse — from Anime like Ghost In The Shell, to horror like The Ring to comedy like Shall We Dance? or drama like Fireworks. But now to talk about Afterlife. This film shows us a purgatory of sorts, where go when you die, and watch videotapes of your life. It’s a very quiet, simple kind of film but that’s what makes it so affecting. It’s one of those films that stays with you days later. And gives you a very pleasant feeling just watching it.

AUDITION (Japan)
I think director Takashi Miike is a genius. All of his films are really about something, usually intelligent analogies on Japanese society. Also, all of his movies are absurdly entertaining (or entertaining in their absurdity perhaps). The problem I have with him though is that since he makes a million movies a year and makes them very quickly, they don’t always look technically very good. But AUDITION is an exception. An impeccably filmed movie in which the topic of female repression in Japanese society is played out with sadist horror. The film might be a bit hard to sit through as there are very intense scenes of torture, but it reminds me of a time when horror was a genre for exploring questions like these.

CHARACTER (Netherlands)
This film, the winner of Best Foreign Film at the Oscars in 1998, is often forgotten now. Director van Diem creates a fantastic world for his family drama. A revenge tale that deftly weaves otherwise-tired conventions and themes in a unique way. The oft used themes of which I speak include the office as a machine and the Oedipus complex among others, but it all seems somewhat fresh here. And in the end, it is of course a “˜character’ study. But what really stands out is the moody look of Rotterdam van Diem creates as his tale unravels. The film is most easily compared to the works of great writers like Kafka and Dickens. You may not always know what is going on, but you’ll probably still enjoy it, at least until you realize how depressing it all is.

FAREWELL MY CONCUBINE (China)
It’s no secret that of director Chen Kaige’s films I think TEMPTRESS MOON is the best (if not one of the best films ever made). But for the purposes of this list I’m going to jump on the bandwagon and suggest the easier-to-get film FAREWELL MY CONCUBINE. This film is fantastic with a great epic story spanning several years over the Cultural Revolution in China following two Peking Opera performers. The acting is fantastic, the cinematography is fantastic — it’s an epic worthy of David Lean, the kind rarely seen in America anymore. It’s a great statement on the cultural change in China but put in a story that any audience member anywhere can easily become involved in. A bit of a warning though, the first third of the film shows the torture young children in Peking Opera camps normally had to endure. It may or may not be of interest to you that this portrayal is similar to Jackie Chan’s upbring.

HEAVENLY CREATURES (New Zealand)
I still believe this is by far Peter Jackson’s, director of LORD OF THE RINGS, finest achievement. An inventive tale of two young girls and their relationship with each other and their fantasies. Sure it’s in English so it’s a bit of a cheat, but New Zealand is still a foreign country after all. This film introduces us to Kate Winslet for the first time and she’s outstanding as is Melanie Lynsky (whose career since has not gone quite as well despite her talent). It’s especially enjoyable for filmlovers as you see fantasy lust scenes with computer generated characters like Orson Welles. The whole film explores creative use of CGI as created by the now famed WETA Workshop. And the story explores both the joys and dangers of a fantasy life and makes you feel a lot less weird if you’ve ever had one. And yes there’s all kinds of weird underage lesbian undertones (and overtones) but that’s hardly the point now is it?

LOVERS OF THE ARCTIC CIRCLE (Spain)
I’ve never met another person who has seen this film but I was happy to find out through a quick internet search that others who had liked it as much as I did. A quirky little picture about two lovers with palindromic names (Otto and Ana) and the fate that is more in control of their lives than they are. A fantastic, if not quirky, love story that spans a good amount of the globe. The story and the dialogue are often very matter-of-fact. Although it’s a love story it’s never too emotional or sentimentalized. But I really understand the connection between the characters and this style really works in a film where fate plays such a large role. And despite an assertion of the role of fate in our lives, the movie also posits if there’s any rhyme or reason to life at all. The film is very well made and the great locations add a lot to this universal tale which is told in an unorthodox way.

ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA (Hong Kong)
This movie might be a bad introduction to Hong Kong action films of this period since the quality of the fighting, production values, and even the story are better than a lot of other films in the genre. But in this film, Jet Li, fight choreographer Yuen Wo Ping, and director Tsui Hark are all in top form (and that’s saying something because these three guys are generally pretty good). The story surrounds the occupation of Hong Kong by the British and the somewhat common theme of martial arts versus guns. Jet Li plays Wong Fei Hung, a legendary character in China who has more films made about him than any other character in history. And while there are certainly moments of melodrama and as in all Hong Kong films all English speaking actors are comically horrible, it all comes down to the fights which are some of the most outstanding in genre history. As a side note, it’s always fun to watch IRON MONKEY after this one to see how Yuen Wo Ping weaves the same choreography themes into the prequel.

THE PROFESSIONAL (France)
Once again, I may be going against the grain here since of Luc Besson’s directing work LE FEMME NIKITA is usually considered the better film. But when sitting around on a Sunday afternoon, I’m a lot more likely to throw on THE PROFESSIONAL. A young Natalie Portman is great as the young girl taken in by the hitman Jeno Reno. Gary Oldman is deliciously almost-over-the-top as the villain. And Besson takes the stale tale of a lonely man and a spirited child finding meaning and happiness in each other and adds blood and bullets. Besson is always finding new ways of using his camera. His action scenes are great and the story is very well handled. Besson is (was?) one of the few men in the world making action film with gravity of dramas — trying to make the popcorn genre into an art.

THE ROAD HOME (China)
Of all of director Zhang Yimou’s works, many think that RAISE THE RED LANTERN is his masterpiece. I like that film quite a lot but have instead chosen to highlight THE ROAD HOME. From a director known for larger epic films like LANTERN, this small film is truly a delight and an achievement. It’s deceptively simple — a country story about a young girl and boy falling in love. It’s Zhang Ziyi’s film debut and she’s radiant, carrying the whole picture on her own. And director Zhang Yimou shows that he doesn’t need big tragedy, big sets and big stories to affect an audience. A scene where Ziyi’s character loses a hairpin is as heartbreaking as anything I’ve ever seen. This is a small film that packs a big emotional punch. One of the few times I’ve cried from happiness. A word of warning though, when I first saw this movie in the theater I was about to walk out after 10 minutes because the film starts in modern China in black and white before flashing back. So, give the film a little time to get going and you’ll be well rewarded.

RUN LOLA RUN (Germany)
I feel like there’s some backlash toward this film at this point, but certainly when it came out it was a jolt of high octane filmmaking. A film that honestly isn’t about very much but contains some good ideas in it’s use of animation and montage still holds up as a very enjoyable use of 80 minutes. The flood of imitators may seemingly have lessened this film’s impact but watching it again it’s as entertaining and full of energy as it ever was. Franke Potente is Lola, who has only minutes to find the money to keep her lover alive. She leads us through a time bending run of desperation that never lets up. The film shows us that small things in life can make as much a difference as the big ones. A great creative effort that will keep you pumped for hours as if you drank a whole vat of Jolt cola.

Your Turn
Now, as shocking as this may seem, I did not see every foreign film that came out in the 1990s. So let’s try a participatory exercise: I’m looking for your e-mails filled with your insightful opinions about what the best foreign film of the 90s truly is (Although I know you are all going to say CITY OF LOST CHILDREN, PRINCESS MONONOKE and ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER, but that’s fine). And my next column, two weeks from now, will be a list of 5 or so of the most voted for, or simply most interesting sounding films. I’m very much looking forward to watching some things I haven’t seen (although probably not looking forward to finding the more obscure of your suggestions). You can hit me up at alisonveneto@yahoo.com.

Also a note to any of you in New York. The truly fantastic New York Asian Film Festival is running until July 1st. More info here. I have seen almost none of these films and am salivating with jealousy at this very moment.

IN TWO WEEKS: Your films. Reviewed.

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June 21, 2006

Monkey Talk with Paul Dini: Bill Morrison

Filed under: Monkey Talk — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:17 pm

-By Paul Dini & RashyÂ

Quick Stop welcomes Paul Dini’s Monkey Talk (co-hosted by his irrepressible sock monkey son, Rashy) featuring an interview with comics artist/writer Bill Morrison (and plenty of Rashy shenanigans).

DOWNLOAD:
Monkey Talk with Paul Dini: Bill Morrison (560 x 420 – 120MB QuickTime)

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Mattt Potter’s Web Fun For Four Year Olds

Filed under: Articles,Fat Man Pants — UncaScroogeMcD @ 4:10 pm

Â -By Mattt PotterÂ Â

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Hey kids! Holy crap I can’t believe it’s almost Christmas! Well guess what? I got two fun filled christmas activities for you today. I am a little behind on getting this zebra shit together. So please give old Uncle Mattt a big break, okay kiddos? Because Uncle Mattt is old and his farts are starting to smell like that too. And it does not even bother me. Which is sad -Â it’s like I’m Laura Dern when she stuck her hand in that big pile of dinosaur shit in that one movie… Citizen Ruth.

That is where I am at. (All this was code for “sorry my page/section looks like the said stuff Laura Dern was sticking her hand in, I just ran out of time and last minute putting it up”).

So here we go! The first of many PODCASTs starring View Askew’s own Mattt Potter, co-starring the Scott Baio to my Erin Moran… because I love him so… Wil “Riker” Wilkins! A Podcast that explains itself when you click this linky dink here.

DOWNLOAD:
FAT MAN PANTS

***Special apologies go out to “Brian L” (we will call him that to keep his anonymity). We ran out of time to re-record a funnier podcast. Next one for sure it will be funny! PROMISE!****

(ALSO THIS IS NOT REALLY A PODCAST, MORE AN EXPLANATION OF WHAT OUR PODCASTS ARE GOING TO BE LIKE, THIS IS JUST AN MP3 TO DOWNLOAD AND LISTEN TO IF YOU ARE REALLY BORED!)

ALSO HERE IS A LINK TO a little trailer called COCOON 3 MOTHERFUCKER!

DOWNLOAD:
COCOON 3 TRAILER

***THOSE WHO KNOW WHAT THIS IS, YOU ARE WELCOME, THOSE THAT DON’T please take a picture of your confused face and send it to me at mailto:mattt@viewaskew.com so that I may laugh.****

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Brat-halla #133: Norse Force – Basic Training

Filed under: Brat-Halla — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:40 am

by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee

Larger Sized Comic

For extras, visit the Brat-halla Web site!

Check out the preview to the Image comic Jeff writes…

E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | BRAT-HALLA BLOG | BRAT-HALLA FORUM | ARCHIVES

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June 20, 2006

Nocturnal Admissions: A Slacker Darkly

Filed under: Nocturnal Admissions — UncaScroogeMcD @ 7:31 pm

Hello, my name is D. K. Holm, and I am a cinemaholic.

I’ve liked movies since I was a kid. I quasi-studied film in college. When I got out of college, I helped start a film magazine (Cinemonkey; it lasted three issues). Ten years after that I got a job reviewing movies for an “alternative” weekly. And ten years after that, I left that paper for another, the late, lamented PDXS, where I worked for another four years. After a brief interregnum, I landed at MoviePoopShoot.com, which this week mutates, to the relief of a nation, into QuickStopEntertainment.com. So I’ve been at this game for a long time, without necessarily progressing, advancing, or improving.

And why did I stick with it? Because I am a cinemaholic. I need to have movies in my life. I need to be viewing them (preferably for free), commentating on them, saving them (hoarding them is more like it), and then turning around and watching more movies. When I am not viewing a DVD or sitting in a movie theater I am reading about movies, either in Variety, Sight and Sound, or in a new film book from an academic press. One thing I am currently not inclined to do is make them, primarily because it is too fucking hard. Now, I’ve been in a couple of movies but “¦ well, for that you can consult my IMDB page.

So consequently, you, the QuickStopEntertainment browser, are the beneficiary. In this column, a blend of all the stuff I was doing at MPS, I’ll cover current big screen releases, DVDs, film books, TV shows I’ve been watching, and whatever else film related comes into my head. Let the quick stops begin!

Taking the Red Pill

A SCANNER DARKLY
[nota bene: The following review, by necessity, contains some spoilers! If you don’t want to know the ending of the movies mentioned, don’t read on.]

Keanu Reeves is taking the pill again. Over the past several years, Reeves has evolved into the premiere sci-fi film anchor, the guy whose presence gets the film made. He alternates these parts with roles in romantic comedies (House by the Lake is opening near-simultaneously) which probably pay the bills that allow him to appear in Constantine, the Matrix movies, and Johnny Mnemonic (though now Reeves is moving into the crime film genre).

One wonders if the long gestating A Scanner Darkly, based on the cult novel by Philip K. Dick that many people have tried to film over the past two decades, would have gotten off the ground without Reeves’s presence.

The result is that Richard Linklater’s film is about 25 per cent science fiction, 50 per cent stoner tale, 100 per cent animated and 100 per cent live action (because of the rotoscoping process, which requires live action footage that is then drawn over frame by frame at a cost of what is broadcast as 500 person hours per frame). I was curious to see if the rotoscoping process was even necessary to the story, but yes, it is, as it allows fantastical moments to be seamlessly installed into the narrative, moments such as various hallucinations and the bizarre technology that Dick imagined, such as the electronic suit that undercover cops use to cloud their identity, and which allows the key characters to shift personas.

Dick’s source novel is ambitious, flawed, heartfelt, and paranoid all at once and the movie is a reasonably accurate adaptation of the source text, even down to the valedictory list of drug causalities that Dick included at the end of his novel. It concerns Bob Arctor (Reeves), one of Dick’s characteristically jangly named characters (Anderton?). Bob lives in a suburban ranch house in southern California, which he shares with a few other stoners, Barris (Robert Downey, Jr.), in an exquisite performance), and Luckman (the cleverly cast Woody Harrelson). “Stoners” is probably not the proper term, as they take a speed like drug. A frequent visitor is Freck (Rory Cochrane), the very definition of an addict, with hyperactive eyes and mobile hair that hides and reveals his face like a curtain. But Bob is also known as Fred, to the police surveillance team he works for, We first meet Fred, really a cloaked Bob, giving a talk to a business group about the problems of undercover life and the evils of drugs, especially a deadly new drug called Substance D, nicknamed simply Death. It reminds me of the Red Death drug in Scorsese’s Bringing Out the Dead, but is really the speed that Dick and numerous friends were taking back in the 1970s, though Dick anticipated the current Meth crisis. Bob eventually ends up as “Bruce,” working the fields that create Substance D for the corporation, New Path, which rules the whole endless cycle of abuse, from addition to recovery to supply and back again. Meanwhile, Bob loves Donna (Winona Ryder), a fellow addict whom he wrestles internally over betraying, and who is sexually frigid, though that proves to be associated with her own secret life.

Dick’s vision of corporate criminality, one basically of fascism in its true definition, in which business and government join hands, is a product of the paranoid 1970s, just like the films Parallax View The Conversation, and Blow Out, but no less plausible for that. After a long series of directors attached to A Scanner Darkly over the decades (including, Terry Gilliam and, I think, Brian De Palma), Linklater, it turns out, proves to be the perfect helmer for the project (the film is co-produced by Steven Soderbergh, who, given his affection for ’70s cinema, might also been a good choice). Linklater is also a child of the 1970s and feels the paranoia in his bones. He also simply knows drug culture, at least cinematically. With three perfectly cast actors at the heart of the film, who each represent in their own way aspects of popular drug culture, real or imagined, this is a film that feels true, observed, prescient and retrospective at the same time. Despite, or maybe because of, the rotoscoping shield, the actors give their best performances in years.

The trailer says the film is set seven years in the future, but it feels like “now,” and the ’70s at the same time. Surely we have all been to a house like Bob’s. Dirty, cramped, cluttered, where the couch is the center of activity, where food scraps in the kitchen age like archeological finds, and no one seems to have any visible means of support. The non-stop “party” gravitates from couch to back yard and back depending on the weather, the light, and the underlying sociological rules of engagement. The urge is to be always “on” but without the confidence that anyone is listening and almost always in slow motion, and occasionally someone will marshal their resources and come out with a speculative riff that has everyone howling with laughter, and which, if you’re lucky, you remember enough to put into a novel or screenplay later. Linklater, under the influence of Dick, captures this quality of life perfectly, along with its subsidiary settings, the broad bright streets of suburban arteries that serve malls and the diner. These characters have no background, no past, no future. They are collections of base animal needs augmented with intellectual pretensions.

A home away from home the car, and it is curious to see how car-oriented the movie is (I didn’t get that sense from the book). The automobile represents vitality, man’s god-given right to go where he chooses. It’s an emblem of social and financial success. But like almost everything else in the film, the car is ultimately unreliable, even though all you really need it for is to go get more drugs. The car is there to suggest that, in this drug culture, mobility doesn’t matter much, and the car grows literally and figuratively etiolated as the drug users slump deeper into inactivity. (Animals and cats is another theme or visual motif of the film.)

An important component of both Dick and Linklater’s Scanner is the “vision of the future” in which we are all monitored at all times, a state of being that doesn’t seem so “future.” Bob goes to “work” where he sits in from of a console of monitors that show his own life passing before his eyes, via the numerous cameras hidden in his house, and he also sees what goes on when he isn’t there, such as the odd drug overdose. Science fiction that was yet plausible when the book was published, this now feels like “reality,” and it is difficult to conceive of this kind of monitoring lessening. All that saves us from complete 1984-style observation is the X factor, the human element, i.e., the kind of incompetence that we see at airports and in military strikes and police stings.

On the one hand the sci-fi elements have a Cronenberg-level viscosity, but on another broad level A Scanner Darkly is really just another movie about the workaday world, like Clockwatchers, American Beauty or Office Space (I call this genre, if it is one, Heroic Alienation). Bob is a guy doing a job, stuck with friends who don’t work and drain him of his resources, and with a girl friend who won’t fuck him We finally get to see Ryder’s rack on screen, by the way; it’s just that it’s rendered as a cartoon. But that is also the point of the rotoscoping. It puts you another step away from the characters, which allows you to view them “objectively,” while paradoxically making them seem cozier, the way that cartoons appeal to the kid in us. I think that this is a film that people will be watching over and over in years to come, because they characters feel familiar and the setting is so real (and also because of Downey’s performance).

Linklater had the remarkable, Soderberghian happenstance of having two films at Cannes this year. Though he didn’t win anything, the fact symbolized his progress since Slackers. It’s a prolific career but also one like Michael Winterbottom’s (or indeed Soderbergh’s) in which you never know what kind of film he’s going to make next. That’s because, like these other two directors, Linklater has a big appetite: for films of all kinds, for knowledge, for people of all kinds.

Linklater will go down in history, of course, for popularizing the term “slacker” and giving a taxonomy for the type. In fact in the audio commentary track to Slacker (The Criterion Collection, No. 247, 1991, 100 minutes, color, NR, full frame, DD stereo in English with English subtitles, static musical menu with 32-chapter scene selection, 68-page insert with transfer info, pix, credits, memorabilia, and essays, two discs, dual disc folder in a slip case, $39.95, released on Tuesday, September 14, 2004), Linklater gives the best ever definition of a slacker, which he calls an “active non-participant,” which is perfect (he says this in chapter eight). Linklater also makes the key point that slackers are, contrary to popular belief, not lazy or inert. All the kids in the film have something going, be it a JFK conspirary book, or a band, or a street hustle, or something. What’s also amazing is that, though the film was shot in July and August of 1989, everyone in it looks like you could run into them on the way to today’s neighborhood coffee shop.

Indeed, the movie is blessed. At one point, a girl comes up to try and sell two of the slackers Madonna’s pap smear. Fortunately, Linklater and his collaborators picked Madonna for the job, and not some other contemporaneous flash in the pan, for it is she who has lasted.

In fact, overall, Linklater is inspiring. For one thing he appears to be a legitimately nice guy, from the sound of his own audio commentary track and from what others say about him (I met Linklater once, in a cigarette-residue filled club called the X-Ray cafÃ© long gone now, though there is a film about this club that I happen to be in – when he was promoting Dazed and Confused; it gave me the chance to ask him why there was a car with Oregon license plates in Slacker [it turned out to be his parent’s car, borrowed for the shot, and they now live in Oregon]). And he did it, he actually got it done, gather a cast and crew and got them all to work on his script.

And he seems to be “one of us.” Like me, for example, he is a big fan of Ulysses, which one of the characters reads from. Also, like me, he doesn’t like to do anything, and on the yak track he says that the indolent guy in the bathrobe in chapter 12, who doesn’t like to leave his house, doesn’t like to go hiking or to the lake, or any other kind of “premeditated fun” (except fucking) is just like him, Linklater. Well, his views reflect mine as well.

If you have grown to love this film as I have, Criterion’s two-disc set is a must-have. Aside from the movie itself, which has three audio commentary tracks (Linklater’s, the cast’s and the crew’s), the set has a wealth of supplements. On disc one, there is “No Longer Not Yet” (script excerpts), “Showing Life” (audition interviews, with a text intro by casting director Anne Walker-McBay, itself reprinted from the Slacker book), “Taco-and-a-Half After 10,” a compilation of home movies made during the filming, “Les Amis,” the trailer for a film-in-progress about one of the film’s locations, the trailer, and ” Shooting From the Hip,” a gallery containing more than 100 stills and snapshots from the shoot. Linklater’s commentary track is one of the best, ever.

Disc Two provides a wonderful archive of earlier Linklater films along with his views on “slacker culture.” This disc has two films, the feature length It’s Impossible to Learn to Plow by Reading Books (with a director commentary) and the short film Woodshock . In addition there is the working script to the film, which includes additional scenes, information about the Austin Film Society, which Linklater co-founded, the film’s trailer, and footage from the 10th anniversary Slackerreunion.
Austin, Texas must be a great place to live. You’ve got the seat of state government lodged in a college town; you’ve got Whole Foods, Harry Knowles, the South by Southwest festival, Robert Rodriguez and, once a year or so, Tarantino in town to show films from his personal collection. You’ve got Austin City Limits, Mexican free-tailed bats, Charles Whitman, and the Zilker Tree.

The Zilker Tree, a lighted faux Christmas tree, figures in Linklater’s next film, Dazed and Confused (The Criterion Collection, No. 336, 1993, 102 minutes, color, NR, 1.85:1 enhanced, DD 5.1 and DD stereo in English with English subtitles, DTS Surround, static musical menu with 32-chapter scene selection, 72-page insert with chapter titles, transfer info, pix, credits, memorabilia, and essays, plus a mini poster, two discs, dual disc folder in a slip case, $39.95, released on Tuesday, June 6, 2006), by all accounts a terrible experience for the director (it’s his, if you will, Mall Rats). Universal promised to release a director’s version of the film, but came out only with a bare bones disc in 1998 and a “flashback edition” in 2004, with nine deleted scenes, some faux PSAs, and a few other extras. This mammoth Criterion set supersedes all previous discs.

Write what you know, they say, and what Americans know is high school. Thus, from American Graffiti to That ’70s Show and about a million After School Specials. For most Americans high school is the defining moment, and for the underclass, high school is perhaps the most traumatizing event of their lives, like being in a concentration camp. Both factions never get over it. I suspect, from his chat on the Dazed disc, that in his HS years Linklater was part of the elite (he was on the football team, for example), so here, history is being written by the winner, though also an observant, sympathetic one. When it first came out, the buzz on the film was that Dazed was “amorphous” with too many characters, and that the ritual humiliation of younger kids by older was emblematic of the totalitarian nature of small town American life.

In the last chapter of Slacker‘s audio commentary track, Linklater gives a poignant, realistic account of what he learned about being a director, what he learned about himself, and how the personas clashed and / or helped each other. Slacker cost only about $20 thousand, but a studio paid $6 million for Dazed with all the attendant interference, and Linklater needed everything he learned to get through the trauma. I’m sorry that happened to him, but in the process Linklater managed to create a minor masterpiece of Americana while also mastering another key element of the director’s craft, casting. Look at the list of people that Linklater discovered or highlighted for this movie: Parker Posey, Matthew McConaughey, Anthony Rapp, Milla Jovovich, Joey Lauren Adams, Ben Affleck, Nicky Katt and RenÃ©e Zellweger (who doesn’t have any lines, but walks around a lot). The film is probably not quite a the cusp yet where you watch it and go, Wow, is she in this?!

Disc No. 1 has an amiable commentary from Linklater, and 25 minutes worth of deleted scenes, some with the visuals only (First National Bank, “Banned From the School,” Smoking in the Girls’ Room, “When They Lost, We Lost, “Narcing on a Friend, Family Plot, “Are the Good Times Worth It?,” “Where’s My Drugs, Man?,” Eighth Graders, Going Into Ninth, “You Little Slut!,” Parents Without Plans, Global Thermonuclear War, Cutting in the Keg Line, Bumfuckville, Tailgate, “Knew Then What I Know Now,” Way Me the Show to Go Home), and the original theatrical trailer. The deleteds tend to make the finished film less “philosophical.”

Disc No. 2 comes in three large sections. It kicks off with an hour long documentary “Making Dazed,” which aired on American Movie Classics. It’s a very, very good retrospective “making of,” celebrating the film while also being frank about production issues, and much of the other footage on this second disc consists of outtakes from this project. Casting director Don Phillips is revealed as a key component here, as he found most of the film’s young actors, as he did on Fast Times at Ridgemont High. “Making” is followed by an auditions reel (Michelle Burke, Rory Cochrane, Adam Goldberg, Cole Hauser, Christin Hinojosa, Nicky Katt, Jason London, Deena Martin, Matthew McConaughey, Anthony Rapp, Marissa Ribisi, Wiley Wiggins), and concludes with “Beer Bust at the Moon Tower,” a compilation of mixed material, on set footage and the actors being interviewed in character. It starts out with “Character Interviews,” which were used during rehearsal, each actor improvising in their roles (Sabrina Davis, Don Dawson, Cynthia Dunn, Randall “Pink” Floyd, Jodi Kramer, Mitch Kramer, Darla Marks, Mike Newhouse, Fred O’Bannion, Benny O’Donnell, Tony Olson, Ron Slater, Shavonne Wright). This is followed by “Cast & Director Interviews,” shot during the length of the production (Linklater Before Shooting Parker Posey, Ben Affleck (1992), Affleck & Cole Hauser, Nicky Katt & Adam Goldberg, Rory Cochrane, Wiley Wiggins and Catherine Martin, Wiley Wiggins, Michelle Burke and Christine Harnos, Christin Hinojosa, Linklater at End of Shoot, Linklater, Matthew McConaughey and Don Phillips). Finally, there is “Behind-the-Scenes Footage” (Every Other Decade, Muscle-Car Driving Lessons, The Costumes, The Boys, The Girls, “Love Those Redheads,” Retaliation on O’Bannion, Buying Beer, Crest Hotel, Picture Day, Start Acting,” The Props, Wiley’s First Day Back at School, Reunion Clips), a wide collection of all kinds of material that includes rehearsals, costume checks, interviews, and finally some reunion clips (of which I could have used a lot more, both here and in “Making Dazed“).

I want to say that Linklater has evolved into one of our best directors, but he started out pretty damn strong, as even his “student” films show, and his career, in its diversity, puts him up with Soderbergh, Winterbottom, Rodriguez, and Tarantino. What these directors have in common is that they are all like Howard Hawks. Within the studio system, Hawks made among the best entries in almost all the genres, including mysteries, aviation, comedies, slapstick, and westerns. These guys are like Hawks, making the best examples of the films in the wider range of genres that exist now, political films, neo-noir, comic book adaptations, and so on. We are all Hawksians now.

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DVD Late Show: June 20, 2006

Filed under: DVD Late Show — UncaScroogeMcD @ 8:20 am

June 20, 2006

Welcome to the DVD Late Show. I’m your host, Christopher Mills, a struggling writer, compulsive DVD collector and fanatical film buff with a particular fondness for the imaginative, offbeat, obscure and unusual. For a little more than a year, I’ve been reviewing and previewing cult, genre and exploitation films on DVD ““ covering the gamut of cult classics, vintage sci-fi, foreign freakshows, sleazy sexploitation, Spaghetti Westerns, kaiju eiga, giallos, unusual animation, forgotten horrors, late night TV shows, and oddball action flicks ““ and I’m not going to stop now!

Originally, this particular column was going to be devoted exclusively to more of the horror DVDs that have been piling up on my To Be Viewed/Reviewed stack, but that was before I knew this was going to be the first DVD Late Show under the new Quick Stop Entertainment management/brand. It made sense, therefore, to instead review a wider variety of new and upcoming DVD titles to give newcomers a better idea of the scope of this column.

So, without further ado”¦the biggest Late Show yet!

In the Sixties and Seventies, England’s Amicus Films produced a string of horror anthology films, using some of the top genre stars of the era and screenplays by such legendary horror scribes as Robert Bloch (PSYCHO, TORTURE GARDEN). ASYLUM (1972), directed by Hammer Films veteran Roy Ward Baker (SCARS OF DRACULA), is a particularly entertaining entry in the series.

A young psychiatrist (Robert Powell, THE ASPHYX) interviews four inmates in a mental asylum to try and determine which one was the former director of the institution before going mad. Is it the wronged wife (Barbara Parkins) whose affair ended in grisly murder? The poverty-stricken tailor (Barry Morse, SPACE: 1999) who was commissioned to make a suit out of an unusual glowing material for a mysterious client (horror legend Peter Cushing)? The schizophrenic beauty (Charlotte Rampling of ZARDOZ) who insists that her possibly imaginary friend (Britt Ekland, THE WICKER MAN) really killed her brother? Or the mad genius (Herbert Lom, Hammer’s PHANTOM OF THE OPERA) who builds homicidal toy robots with human heads?

Loaded with experienced horror performers, a dry wit and PG-rated gore and thrills, ASYLUM is a fun and rewarding trip back to the days when horror films had grown-up casts and clever scripts. Sure, the effects may be hokey by today’s standards, but that’s part of the nostalgic charm.

Previously issued some years ago by Image Entertainment on a bare bones disc with a soft, scratchy, incorrectly framed print, ASYLUM is about to be re-issued by Dark Sky Films in a vastly-superior edition. Featuring a new, improved transfer culled from original vault materials, and presented in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen, this shock cinema staple has never looked better, with strong, well-balanced colors and impressive detail.

Dark Sky has also seen fit to include a few choice extras, including a full-length, informative commentary track by director Baker and cameraman Neil Binney. There’s also a short featurette called “Inside the Fear Factory,” that chronicles the history of Amicus and includes interviews with some of the studio’s prime movers, including the late Max J. Rosenberg, the president of the company. Additionally, there are bios of the cast and crew, a still gallery, and trailers/TV spots for ASYLUM and Dark Sky’s other upcoming Amicus titles.

My only criticism of the release is that screenwriter Robert Bloch’s name is misspelled on the DVD sleeve as “Robert Black.” Considering Bloch’s status as one of the all-time great writers of horror fiction, the mistake is particularly unfortunate.

ASYLUM will be hitting the shelves on July 25. If you’re a fan of vintage horror, you’ll want to pick it up, and if you happen to own the earlier Image version ““ as I do ““ it’s definitely worth buying again in this new edition. It’s that much better.

Regular readers of this column know that I dig those “Women In Prison” (WIP) flicks of the Seventies and early Eighties, the raunchier and more perverted the better. Well, I think I’ve just discovered the sleaziest WIP movie ever made. Oswaldo de Oliveira’s insane, utterly over-the-top BARE BEHIND BARS (a/k/a A PRISÃƒO, 1980) may very well be the ultimate in chicks ‘n chains cinema.

As usual, there’s no real plot to speak of, but all the usual elements of the WIP genre are present, and taken to the extreme. You’ve got beautiful naked convicts, the lusty lesbian warden, a perverted prison nurse, horny guards, full-body cavity searches, sapphic shower sex, rapes, torture, castrations, car chases and white slavery”¦ but where in every other WIP flick they seem to stop just short of delivering the goods, BARE BEHIND BARS goes all the way, with copious bloodletting and hardcore sex scenes.

Yet, mixed in with all the carnality and carnage, there’s a definite and deliberate sense of the absurd. Obviously, while everybody involved was determined to leave no exploitation opportunity unfulfilled, there’s still the feeling that no one involved was taking it all that seriously. Pineapples are used as sex toys, a rubber dildo makes its way from cell to cell in amusing ways, and a man’s severed sex organ is tossed to a stray dog to get it to stop barking. No, really. And it’s funny.

Well, it made me laugh.

Blue Underground’s DVD of BARE BEHIND BARS presents the film in a surprisingly sharp and impressive 1.66:1 anamorphic transfer that belies the film’s 26-year age. Every decadent detail is crystal sharp and print damage is virtually non-existent The Brazilian import is dubbed into English and the movie is presented unrated, although BU has designed the packaging to include a huge “X” on the front cover. The only extra is a theatrical trailer, but I can’t complain. The movie is the real bonus here.

It’s not for prudes or the squeamish, but if you’re a fan of WIP films and feel that they never quite go far enough, BARE BEHIND BARS just might be what you’re looking for.

THE BEAST MUST DIE, a 1972 offering from England’s Amicus Studios, has one of the coolest B-movie, genre-blending plots I’ve ever come across. Directed by Paul Annette, from a screenplay by Michael Winder, BEAST is based on a short story by famed SF writer James Blish.

Millionaire sportsman Tom Newcliffe (Calvin Lockhart, COTTON COMES TO HARLEM) has bagged every sort of big game trophy there is”¦ except one. He summons six of his acquaintances to his isolated (and heavily video monitored) country estate for the weekend. Over dinner, he announces that he’s come to the conclusion that one of his guests (which include the late greats, Peter Cushing and Charles Gray) is a werewolf, and come moonrise, he will hunt it down and kill it.

Thus, the stage is set for a movie that’s part Agatha Christie’s TEN LITTLE INDIANS and part THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME. There’s also a touch of blaxploitation, and bit of Bond, with Newcliffe’s high-tech security gadgets and handy helicopter. Peter Cushing (CURSE OF FRANKENSTEIN, STAR WARS) spouts tons of inconsistent werewolf lore, Charles Gray (THE DEVIL RIDES OUT, ROCKY HORROR) looks annoyed, Lockhart overplays his part in an entertaining manner, and the rest of the cast dutifully subject themselves to one inconclusive “werewolf test” after another. Plot holes abound, and there’s some not-entirely-effective day-for-night photography, but there’s a nice fake-out twist near the end and the movie’s never dull.

And, did I mention the “Werewolf Break?” It’s a gimmick that would have made William Castle proud. About an hour and ten minutes into the movie, the narrative stops, and there’s a 30-second break where the viewer is encouraged to pick which of the possible suspects is the werewolf. Not as easy as you’d think, since the werewolf’s identity is so arbitrary that you’d think Kevin Williamson wrote the screenplay, but it’s a fun, nostalgic gag ““ even if the director hated it.

The werewolf in this film is portrayed by a large black dog with a fur stole tied around its neck, but it kinda works. The music by Douglas Gamley is very “early Seventies,” but it’s effective enough ““ actually, the whole movie is pretty effective if you approach it in the right frame of mind.

Previously issued by Image Entertainment in a bare-bones edition with a decidedly scratchy, battered print, Dark Sky’s forthcoming reissue is a marked improvement in all ways. Beginning with a new anamorphic 1.78:1 widescreen transfer from a nearly pristine vault print source, Dark Sky has delivered a great, fully packed disc. There’s a commentary track by director Annett, two featurettes ““ Annett’s tribute to Peter Cushing and the behind-the-scenes “Directing The Beast” ““ a still gallery, cast and crew bios and the same trailers and TV spots that are on the company’s ASYLUM disc.

Hitting stores on July 25, THE BEAST MUST DIE is a fun, if flawed, fright flick and I recommend it. As with ASYLUM, if you bought the earlier disc, you’ll want to upgrade.

The long-awaited Michele Soavi classic CEMETERY MAN (a/k/a DELLAMORTE DELLAMORE, 1994) finally makes its DVD debut, courtesy of Anchor Bay.

Francesco Dellamorte (Rupert Everett, MY BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING) is a cemetery watchman who spends his nights waiting for the dead to rise from their graves so he can pop a cap in their heads and re-bury them. But after a graveside sexual encounter with a kinky widow (the gorgeous Anna Falchi, in three roles) ends badly, Francesco begins to reconsider his place in the world, and starts to wonder if it might just save time and effort to blow people’s brains out while they’re still alive.

Then, of course, there’s Francesco’s assistant, the obese and imbecilic Gnaghi (FranÃ§ois Hadji-Lazaro), who’s carrying on a love affair with the re-animated, decapitated head of the local mayor’s daughter”¦

Filled with darkly poetic imagery and macabre black humor, CEMETERY MAN is a genuine classic of Italian horror cinema, and a truly unique film experience. Based on a novel by European comic creator Tiziano Sclavi, director Michele Soavi (STAGE FRIGHT, THE CHURCH) has crafted possibly the most original horror film of the 1990’s.

Anchor Bay presents the film in a sharp, clean 1.66:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer. There’s been some online debate as to whether the aspect ratio on this edition is as Soavi intended, but the framing looks fine to me. The dubbed English track is presented in a clear Dolby Digital 5.1.

Anchor Bay has included a well-produced, new featurette called “Death is Beautiful,” which features interviews with director Soavi and star Anna Falchi, and some great behind-the-scenes info, a Michele Soavi text bio, and the original theatrical trailer (in Italian). There’s also a nice little 8-page booklet with liner notes by Michael Felsher.

For those who have been eagerly awaiting a Region 1 release of this important film, you’re definitely going to want to pick this up.

Dark Sky Films have just unleashed another in their Drive-In Double Feature series upon the DVD collecting public with two Sixties color sci-fi oddities, CREATION OF THE HUMANOIDS/WAR BETWEEN THE PLANETS (1962/1965).

CREATION OF THE HUMANOIDS is a surprisingly cerebral and cinematically inept sci-fi treatise on tolerance set some decades after a nuclear war, when mankind has created a race of blue-skinned ‘bots to help rebuild civilization. Disparagingly called “clickers,” the robots continue to evolve, becoming more human-like. But not everyone is happy about that. A fanatical group of humans called The Order of Flesh and Blood is dedicated to halting the ‘bots’ evolution and preserving human purity. One of its leaders, Cragis (Don Megowan, THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US) is surprised to discover that his own sister is living “in rapport” with a “clicker,” and goes to confront her. But there are greater surprises in store for Cragis”¦

Wesley Barry’s direction is static, giving the film the feel of a stage play, with very little cutting and only a few (very long) scenes, made up almost entirely of dialogue. While thematically, the movie could be seen as a precursor to Ridley Scott’s BLADE RUNNER, cinematically, it’s about on the level of an Ed Wood film. In fact, Dudley Manlove, one of the stars of Wood’s PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, plays one of the chatty “clickers.”

As a side note for genre film buffs, the legendary make-up artist Jack Pierce, who decades earlier had created the original Frankenstein and Wolf Man make-ups for Universal, devised the bald, blue-skin look of the “clickers.” Sadly, CREATION OF THE HUMANOIDS was one of the genius make-up maestro’s last credits.

The second feature (actually, the first on the menu but not on the packaging) is Antonio Margheriti’s (CASTLE OF BLOOD, TAKE A HARD RIDE) colorful space opera, WAR BETWEEN THE PLANETS. One of four inter-related sci-fi potboilers Margheriti directed in the mid-Sixties, WAR tells the sometimes-exciting tale of the Earth space force’s battle with a rogue, living planet ““ which just happens to be on a collision course with Earth. Filled with delightfully cheesy miniature spaceships, space stations and model cities, not to mention square-jawed heroes and the Continental cuties they live love and fight for, WAR is a Fifties’ pulp magazine story come to vivid life. It’s a little talky at the beginning, but it pays off at the end, when our heroes land on and descend into the (literal) bowels of the wandering planet. Great fun, if you’re in the right mood.

This second volume in Dark Sky Films’ “Drive-In Double Feature” line offers both films in nearly pristine 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen, absolutely rock-solid color transfers, with virtually no visible specks or scratches. WAR BETWEEN THE PLANETS is dubbed into English and both films are presented in 2.0 Dolby mono. Dark Sky has the disc set up so you can watch the two films as one long drive-in program ““ complete with trailers and snack bar intermission promos ““ or individually. The packaging is great, too.

Now that MGM seems to have all but abandoned its line of Midnight Movie double features discs, Dark Sky has helped fill the void with their own high quality, classic cult double-feature line. CREATION OF THE HUMANOIDS/WAR BETWEEN THE PLANETS is a satisfying two-shot of drive-in nostalgia and highly recommended for vintage sci-fi fans.

To tie in with Warner Bros. recent special edition of the 1967 World War II movie classic, THE DIRTY DOZEN, MGM has dug into its vaults and unearthed a couple of late Eighties TV-movie sequels and issued them as a double feature, THE DIRTY DOZEN: THE DEADLY MISSION/THE FATAL MISSION (1987/1988).

In THE DEADLY MISSION, Major Wright (Telly Savalas, replacing Lee Marvin, who originated the role in the theatrical feature and one previous TV sequel) must assemble a new 12-man team of military convicts for a suicide mission behind enemy lines. In this case, the target is a secret nerve gas factory and their orders are to blow it up and extract the scientists working there so the Nazis can’t try again. It’s pretty much a retread of the theatrical film, but Savalas makes an acceptable lead (he played one of the convicts in the 1967 original, so there’s at least a tenuous connection) and the new dozen includes such familiar faces as Randall “Tex” Cobb (RAISING ARIZONA), Gary Graham (TV’s ALIEN NATION), Bo Svenson (WALKING TALL PART 2) and a couple of Van Pattens. With authentic-looking Yugoslavian locations, fairly high production values, and solid direction by Lee H. Katzin, DEADLY MISSION is a better-than-average TV adventure movie.

Set near the end of the war, THE FATAL MISSION requires Maj. Wright (Savalas again) to assemble one last team of convict commandos to take out a trainload of Nazis on their way to the Middle East to establish a new base of power for the continuation of the Third Reich. The titular dozen this time includes Erik Estrada (DO OR DIE, CHiPs), John Matusak (ONE MAN FORCE), Ernie Hudson (GHOSTBUSTERS, CONGO), Jeff Conaway (GREASE, BABYLON 5), and ““ in a first for the franchise ““ Heather Thomas, the blonde bikini-clad babe from THE FALL GUY. The story, while following the established formula, is a bit different this time, with an enemy agent imbedded in the group and the presence of a woman on the team (Thomas is surprisingly good here). Katzin’s direction is once again efficient and briskly paced.

MGM’s two-disc package is bare bones but serviceable, with each movie on its own single-sided disc, presented in their original full screen TV aspect ratios. Sound is Dolby Digital stereo, and the movies are unrated. There are no extra features whatsoever.

If you’re a fan of the franchise, it might be worth picking up: you get two decent DIRTY DOZEN teleflicks at a low retail price. If you’re not a fan, well, you wouldn’t want to see them anyway, right?

Another legendary B-movie finally makes its way to DVD thanks to those twisted geniuses at Dark Sky Films. In fact, for diehard fans of vintage drive-in cinema, FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER (1965) is probably the most essential DVD release of the year.

Martians in a flying saucer keep blowing up America’s rockets because they think they’re hostile missiles. Confused, and determined to stop losing valuable flesh and blood astronauts, NASA sends a remarkably advanced (and certainly expensive) android named “Frank Saunders” (Robert Reilly) on their next space mission. The Martians shoot him down too, of course, causing his capsule to crash land in Puerto Rico. In one of those classic cosmic coincidences, the Martians land there too and hit the beach to round up bikini babes for breeding purposes. Frank, damaged in the crash, wanders the Puerto Rican landscape in a malfunctioning, murderous daze while his creator Dr. Steele (James Karen, RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD) searches for him from the back of a Vespa scooter. Eventually, all the above parties collide, and the space age Frankenstein (get it?) must go toe-to-toe with the Martians’ shaggy Space Monster (Bruce Glover ““ Crispin’s dad ““ who also plays one of the Martian crewmembers).

Padded with tons of stock footage ““ close to half the running time, by my estimate ““ and loaded with camp acting, shoddy sets, military surplus costumes and nearly non-existent production values, FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER may well be the cheapest, most absurd, inane, inept and oddly enjoyable exploitation flick of the Sixties.

It’s pure, giddy fun, right up there with Ed Wood’s “classics.”

Dark Sky’s DVD is a delight, with a remarkable 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer that is amazingly sharp and clear (except for the extensive stock footage, which, understandably, varies considerably). Audio is clear Dolby Digital 2.0 mono. For extras, Dark Sky has included a 16-page booklet with liner notes by the film’s screenwriter, a still gallery, and the original theatrical trailer. Even the cover art is great, reminiscent of Sixties monster mags.

Highly recommended for aficionados of “bad” movies.

I vaguely recall kinda liking the first UNDERWORLD flick a couple years ago (although that was probably just because I enjoyed looking at the fetching Kate Beckinsale in that skintight black rubber suit), so I was pleased when Sony’s UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION (2005) showed up in my mailbox. (Woo-hoo! More Kate!) As it turned out, while it’s no classic, I found director Len Wiseman’s sequel to be a fairly entertaining flick.

For one thing, the plot is simpler. The protagonists of the first film ““ sexy fugitive Deathdealer (vampire) Selene (Kate Beckinsale, VAN HELSING) and Lycan (werewolf) hybrid Michael (Scott Speedman, FELICITY) ““ find themselves unwittingly embroiled in a quest by the world’s very first vampire ““ a bat-winged badass named Marcus (Tony Curran, FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX) ““ to revive his twin brother William, the world’s first werewolf, and unleash him on the world.

Beautifully shot and designed, UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION drops much of the over-complicated plotting and political underpinnings of the original film in favor of a straightforward monster mash. Personally, I approve. Beckinsale looks great in black latex and the creatures are extremely well designed. In fact, albino werewolf William is by far the coolest looking CGI lycanthrope I’ve yet seen in a film.

Sony’s DVD is a nice package, with a sterling 2.40:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer and a window-rattling Dolby 5.1 surround mix. They’ve also included a slew of informative featurettes, covering everything from the film’s stunt work and visual effects to sound design. Director Len Wiseman contributes a lively commentary, and there’s a music video by the band Atreyu (wasn’t that the kid in THE NEVER-ENDING STORY?).

For fans of the original film, Kate Beckinsale’s butt, or monster mayhem in general, UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION is a good bet for a weekend rental. I liked it.

From director Jun Fukuda and special effects wiz Nakano Teruyoshi, the creators of several Seventies’ Godzilla epics, comes Toho Studios’ 1977 interstellar adventure, WAR IN SPACE (WAKUSEI DAISENSO).

Conceived by Toho Studios as a STAR WARS rip-off, the final film owes more to Gerry Anderson’s British television shows UFO and SPACE: 1999 and the Japanese studios’ own Sixties sci-fi thrillers like ATRAGON and BATTLE IN OUTER SPACE than to George Lucas’ intergalactic epic.

In the (then-future) year of 1988, UFOs attack the Earth. While the invaders are devastating New York, Paris, Tokyo and the world’s other major cities, a team of scientists race to complete a space battleship called Ghoten. Once launched, the ship and its crew head for Venus, to counterattack the aliens. Along the way, the only female crewmember (Yuko Asano) is kidnapped by the green-skinned, Roman-helmeted alien leader and his horned wookie, UFOs engage in high-speed dogfights with the Earth fighters above the barren Venusian landscape, and space ships explode impressively.

The old school, handcrafted special effects work ““ finely detailed miniatures on mostly-invisible wires ““ is expertly executed and effective. The spaceships, in a decidedly Asian conceit, resemble sea-faring vessels, and the alien flagship is specifically modeled on ancient Roman sailing ship designs. The Ghoten features a huge drill bit (shades of ATRAGON!) and cool, giant revolvers that fire missiles and are also used to launch sleek, one-man fighters. The UFOs are original and unique. Made on a fraction of STAR WARS’ budget, WAR IN SPACE demonstrates that ingenuity and imagination can carry the day even when money’s tight.

Discotek Media’s DVD presents WAR IN SPACE for the first time on U.S. home video (I believe) with a brilliant 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer, completely restored and remastered for this edition. Audio options include both the original Japanese language track and an English dub, presented in both the original mono and in a newly created 5.1 remix. The Japanese track is preferable, as it’s stronger and more robust. Discotek has also included a bevy of cool bonus features, including a fascinating video interview with special effects director Nakano Teruyoshi, the original theatrical trailer, an extensive still gallery, and an informative booklet that includes poster art, spaceship design sketches and informative liner notes.

(NOTE: Some of the first batch of WAR IN SPACE discs released had an encoding problem causing playback issues. Discotek is aware of the problem, and if you get one of the defective DVDs, they’ll replace it for you for free. Visit their website at www.diskotekmedia.com for more information.)

As a fan of outer space epics and Japanese fantasy films, I’ve been wanting to see this movie ever since I saw the poster art in a 1978 issue of Fantastic Films magazine. It took almost 30 years, but I wasn’t disappointed. It’s a terrific presentation of a great old-fashioned space opera, and I recommend it highly.

That’s it for this installment, the longest DVD Late Show yet. I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. I’ll be back soon with more B-movie goodness, including a bunch of MASTERS OF HORROR discs from Anchor Bay.

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Toy Box: And just who the Hell do you think you are?

Filed under: Toy Box — admin @ 8:15 am

June 20, 2006

Welcome to the Toy Box! Rather than write a regular column this week, I thought I’d do a little introduction, talk about what you can expect, and get all acquainted and cozy like. I’m going to through some photos in here as well of various 2006 product that I’ve thought was sharp, to keep you entertained. And besides, I have to get the hang of this new fangled posting software.

For those of you new to this site and this column, my name is Michael Crawford. No, I do not sing. No, I was not in Phantom of the Opera. And no, I was not Condorman. But I wish I was…well, except for that Condorman thing.

I’ve been collecting action figures pushing 20 years now. It all started with Happy Meal toys, considered by many a gateway toy. Collect enough of those, and you find yourself in the aisles at Toys R Us (or in those days, Children’s Palace), looking for a more expensive fix. Then comes the whole mint on card phase, the open everything phase, the threats of committment from concerned family members, and the eventual label of ‘geek’.

I’ve always been a geek anyway, but the whole toy collecting bit just solidified it. I’ve been featured in several magazines, including Lo-Fi, where I was selected as the first interviewee in their “I Am Geek” column. I’ve been involved in the online toy community from the earliest beginnings, back before Al Gore invented the Internet. After years of writing online reviews that were posted to message boards or Usenet, I started my own site dedicated to them in January of 2000. Hey, I wanted to be sure we’d all survive before I put a lot of time into it.

I’ve had the opportunity as a writer to contribute to several other sites, and have had articles featured on toy company sites as well, such as . I’ve been interviewed for sites like Mezco, Palisades, and Eternal Collector. And I’ve been happy to share my opinions with many companies on new and upcoming ideas and products, as long as they ask nice.

Back in 2002 I was offered the chance to write about toys for a new site being developed by Kevin Smith. I broke out in goose pimples. Fortunately, they have an ointment for that, but I was excited about my gig at Movie Poop Shoot as well. I was one of the original contributors, and it’s my pleasure to move over to Quick Stop Entertainment now.

So all that means I like to write about toys, talk about toys, take photos of toys…I like toys. I’ll do my best over the next few weeks/months/years to impart wisdom, spew opinion, and occasionally flat out lie here at the Quickie. If you have any questions, I’ll do my best to answer them, and what I don’t know I can certainly find out from my friends in the industry. Occasionally I’ll rant, but generally you’ll get my thoughts on something in the pop culture collectible world.

You can expect to see coverage of all kinds of goodies in my column, from action figures:

…to statues and busts:

…to even plush:

…from Star Wars:

…to superheroes:

…to monsters:

Anyone who loves pop culture crap should find something to love here!

I structure my reviews in a very specific way, a way I came up with over a decade ago and still use today. You’ll also see it copied all over the net, but believe me, now you know where it started. I break my reviews into sections of interest: Packaging, Sculpting, Paint, Accessories, Articulation, Fun, Value and Overall. This structure works well because you can get a feel for the specific areas, areas that you may weight more heavily than I in you final assessment.

For example, I might be reviewing a Mcfarlane ‘action’ figure that’s pretty much a plastic statue. Now, I know it’s going to be a plastic statue, and I go in expecting it. The articulation score is going to take a major hit, but when I get down to my overall, the weight of that category will be pretty small. However, you might be an articulation junkie, and the lack thereof is a deal breaker for you. If you only had my overall score to go by – or worse yet, no score to compare at all – you’d be left to guess as to whether YOU would feel the same way I do.

Over time I’ve added additional sections to my reviews, sometimes based on reader’s input. I’ve also worked to continously improve the quality of the photography, ensuring that you see the toy as it really is, rather than as the company would like it to look. Sometimes that’s good – sometimes it’s not so good. But if you have suggestions, either on the style or the content, just let me know.

I don’t do features. I do reviews. Reviews are a critical look at what makes something good and bad – features are just fluff pieces about the particular item, good for marketing but not particularly good for you to make a valid decision. You won’t always agree with me – nor I with you – but always remember that it’s just one man’s opinion. A brilliant, handsome, and witty man, but a man nonetheless. Okay, so I’m not any of those things, but it was worth a shot.

I’ll be attending and doing coverage at both the San Diego Comic Con and the Wizard World Chicago Con this summer, so if you see me in the aisles, say howdy. Finding me might be tough though – locating someone at SDCC is sorta like trying to find a geek in a nerd haystack.

If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, feel free to drop me an email at mwc@mwctoys.com. If you enjoy this column, take a minute to check out my other site at Michael’s Review of the Week, and let me know what you think. I’ll do my best to have a new column up here every Tuesday, and I promise a review of something nifty next week!

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June 19, 2006

Open For Business

Filed under: Articles — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:35 pm

As you might have noticed, we’re open for business.

Now, you might be wondering what exactly that business might be. We don’t sell milk, eggs, cigarettes, or lotto tickets, but we do offer a smorgasbord of material we hope will keep you coming back for more.

Think of Quick Stop as your destination for the unique and eclectic, fun and eccentric ““ from columnists on topics ranging from film and DVD to comics and TV, plus interviews, podcasts, production blogs, and videos featuring artists, writers, directors, musicians, actors, and personalities that you know (and some you’ll come to know a little bit better).

In addition to some familiar columnists you might recognize as regulars from Movie Poop Shoot (or, as I like to call them, the “Quickshooters””¦ but they don’t like when I do that”¦ which is understandable, because it’s actually kind of lame”¦ I promise never to do it again), we’ve got a bevy of new columnists on tap (including Paul Dini, Peter Sanderson, and Fred Hembeck). We’ll also be doing some in-depth coverage of quite a few upcoming films and TV shows, similar to another feature making its exclusive debut at Quick Stop ““ the cast & crew video blog from NBC’s cult hit Scrubs.

Before we get to the snazzy little intro vid from our guiding poobah Kevin Smith, I’d like to thank Kev for sponsoring this littleÂ corner of cyberspace. We have been tasked to kick ass, and so we shall. Finally, I want to send a special note of appreciation to Chris Ryall, Scott Tipton, and Ming Chen, without whose hard work over the years there wouldn’t have been a Quick Stop Entertainment.Welcome one, welcome all, and I assure you ““ we’re open.

-Ken Plume
Editor-in-Chief
Quick Stop Entertainment

Watch Kevin and Jay do the Robot:

560 x 420 – 9MB

320 x 240 – 3MB

YouTube

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Interview: LITTLE BRITAIN’s David Walliams & Matt Lucas

Filed under: Interviews — UncaScroogeMcD @ 6:15 pm

-By Ken Plume

Every once in awhile, a British program manages to make its way out of the sceptred isle and wind its way to the former colonies, where it is greeted with wonder and amazement and just how fresh and unique it seems compared to the majority of American tele-pap.

One of those recent exports was the sketch show Little Britain, written by and starring the comedy duo David Walliams and Matt Lucas.

Wonderfully surreal and filled with larger-than-life characters (which is also a literal description of Matt Lucas’s immense socialite, Bubbles Devere), Little Britain is like a cross between The Kids in the Hall and Benny Hill.

Both the first and second seasons are currently available on features-laden DVDs, and the third season is currently airing in the US on BBC America.

Quick Stop had the chance to chat with David Walliams and (just a teensy bit to) Matt Lucas”¦

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QUICKSTOP: I guess you’ve had a long day of interviews”¦Â

DAVID WALLIAMS: We’ve had a few this afternoon, but it’s been fun and we did some photographs with Martin Parr. Do you know him? He’s a quite famous British photographer. He’s great. So that’s from American GQ so we were quite happy about that. We’ve had a few this afternoon, but it’s been fun and we did some photographs with Martin Parr. Do you know him? He’s a quite famous British photographer. He’s great. So that’s from American so we were quite happy about that.

QUICKSTOP: So the freight train has not slowed down at all”¦

WALLIAMS: No, it hasn’t. We’ve just come off a tour – we’ve just done a 140 day tour of Britain. We’ve stopped that, but we’ve got loads of things to do. We’re making a Christmas special of Little Britain for the BBC at the moment, so it doesn’t stop for us.

QUICKSTOP: When we last talked, you were in rehearsals for the live show.

WALLIAMS: Yeah, so that must have been October then.

QUICKSTOP: Now that the live show is over, were you surprised by the reaction that it got? Because it was quite popular”¦

WALLIAMS: Yeah, it was great. And it kind of grew as we went along. We ended up playing, like, arenas for 10 or 12 thousand people. So yeah, it’s been extraordinary.

QUICKSTOP: And that was the first time you had done a major live show like that, right?

WALLIAMS: Yeah. It’s on quite a big scale. It was stunning. It’s kind of weird when you’re in it, you know, for me, because you’re just dealing with each new gig. But the first time we stepped out in front of 12,000 people in Manchester was amazing. An amazing feeling. Our first gig was like four people in an art center in north London, which was about 10 years ago. So it was really only at the curtain call that it really hit me. “˜Cause that’s when suddenly all the lights went on and I could feel the audience, “Oh my god, we have actually come quite a long way and this is pretty amazing.”

QUICKSTOP: Did you envision that it would get this far?

WALLIAMS: No, not for a minute. But then, you don’t”¦ I never really think of it in those terms. I always just think, “Oh it’ll be good to do a funny show and make people laugh” rather than thinking, “I’d like to do a show that will get this amount of viewers or do a tour and play to this amount of people.” I’ve never been too worried by those kind of things. I just liked doing what I thought was funny, and that I was proud of. And beyond that, it’s hard to think in those terms. It’s a mistake thinking in those terms, as well.

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QUICKSTOP: When the lights come up and you see the audience and the power that the show has, and the characters have, does that in any way affect you, creatively? When you went back after the success of series one to do series two, did that success ever have a creative influence on you, knowing the popularity?

WALLIAMS: Not really. I mean, only that you know when you put the show in front of a live audience you go, “Oh, this character’s more popular than we thought, and maybe this one isn’t as popular as we thought.” And so it may be, you know, just shock”¦ maybe you think, “Oh, okay, maybe people would want to see more of this or that,” but not really, no. It doesn’t. We can only sort of do what we find funny. Do you know what I mean? You can’t think, “Well, I’ll try and do what people find funny,” “˜cause it doesn’t’ really work that way.

QUICKSTOP: Is there any character that you are surprised didn’t get the reaction that you hoped it would?

WALLIAMS: I think it’s hard to say”¦ and that’s always a negative thing to say, but yeah. Some characters, we thought, “Oh, no, you know, they will go down well,” but some we thought, “Oh, that went down better than expected.”

QUICKSTOP: Were you in any way surprised by the backlash that the third series got?

WALLIAMS: I was disappointed. Now people are looking for problems, you know, but it didn’t affect the show’s popularity. We got nine million viewers on BBC 1, which was kind of unheard of, and played to 800,000 people on our tour, and as far as the reviews, it’s just what kinda happens, really. I think the problem in Britain is that the show that people most hold in esteem is Fawlty Towers. And the problem is that people think it’s amazing because there are only 12 episodes. Now, I just think it’s amazing “˜cause it’s an amazing program. Just brilliantly funny. And I could have watched it for longer, but people kind of think”¦ they’re almost annoyed with you for doing more than 12 episodes. You know, people were coming to us all the time and saying, “Don’t stop doing what you’re doing.” People want to see more, but you can almost think you’ve done something wrong – like 12 is this kind of magic number with a comedy show, and if you do any more than that you’re sort of finished.

QUICKSTOP: Do you think what Ricky (Gervais) did with The Office unfortunately reinforced that idea?

WALLIAMS: Yeah, I think so”¦ yeah. I think, again, that he suffered from the same kind of thing, in a way, which was there was so much hype, that you’re almost scared of”¦ you’ve been so lauded, it’s become so popular, that you become a bit scared that it’s gonna turn. But we’ve always just made the show for kind of ourselves and for people who want to watch it. And so that was what was guiding it for me. Not the fear of, “Oh my god, we might get a bad review.” “˜Cause we’ve had bad reviews before. We’ve been to the Edinburgh Festival and had bad reviews. That’s what happens. And by the time the reviews are written the show’s done anyway and it’s out there, and in a way it can’t harm you that much, because they’re not gonna take it off air “˜cause it got a bad review.

QUICKSTOP: At what point do you look at it and go, “Now it’s time to walk away”¦”? Not from Little Britain per se, but particular characters?

WALLIAMS: When we’re not finding it funny anymore. When we’re kind of thinking, “Well actually, this isn’t kind of getting our creative juices flowing anymore.” That to me would be the time. And then it’s kind of when we’re ready to do that. But I’d hate to think we don’t perform any of these Little Britain characters again.

QUICKSTOP: Certainly in the transition from series one to series two were characters that were left behind”¦

WALLIAMS: Yeah, characters got left behind from series two to three, and then there were new characters in series three. But I do think there’s a core of about six or eight characters that people really like and really want to see. And they provide a backbone to the series. You do see Marjorie as she’s with her fat fighters group again, but I kind of think, “Well if something different is happening next week, it doesn’t really bother me.” You know what I mean? I kind of think, “Well it’s a good character and I want to see her again.”

QUICKSTOP: What character is most comfortable to you at this point?

WALLIAMS: Most comfortable to play?

QUICKSTOP: To play or write for.

WALLIAMS: I like playing Lou in the Lou and Andy scenes. I feel that I kind of know him quite well now. I enjoyed playing Carol Beer on stage because she doesn’t move. So I can just have a sit down for a couple of minutes, which is nice. They’re all enjoyable. I think in doing this show, the live shows 70 times, is that you find you like different ones on different nights. You particularly feel, “Oh yeah, I was really on it tonight. I really knew what I was doing with this character.” And then the character that doesn’t make a big impact on the TV show, who’s in the first series, called Des Kaye”¦ a sort of failed children’s entertainer. And we do that in the live show. Get people out of the audience. And I love doing that one, even though that’s not one that people even, I don’t think, remember. But because it has a sort of spontaneity to it and it’s always different every night, and ended up normally with someone”¦ one of the audience members with their trousers around their ankles and me on top of them on the floor. Um, it’s always”¦ that’s always a joy to do. For those very reasons.

QUICKSTOP: Is there a character that surprises you the most in performance, in where the character will take you?

WALLIAMS: I suppose that character is a bit surprising because, in a way, it’s grown. I mean, the first night I didn’t take their trousers down. That kind of grew. And that’s become a bit crazier as he’s gone along, really.

QUICKSTOP: Do you think it’s the audience interaction that brings the energy to that?

WALLIAMS: Yeah, the real energy to that ““ because of that and because you never know what people are gonna say or do. And that really grows. But yeah, some nights you really feel you’re inhabiting it, which is very frightening. But it’s a weird one because even in this live show we’re playing a different character every three or four minutes. So just as you’re kind of getting into it, you’re into another one, you know? It’s not quite like you’re playing King Lear or something. You know what I mean? You really feel, “Tonight I was King Lear.” “˜Cause each night we’re each about a dozen characters each.

QUICKSTOP: When is the show coming to the U.S.?

WALLIAMS: Well, at the moment there aren’t any plans to bring it to the U.S. We’d really like to. We’re doing some touring in Australia next year, which is great, but we would like to do it in America ““ but we really need an American promoter to sort of fund it, really. So if you know anybody, can you mention it to them? We’ll play anywhere. Australian promoters came and saw the show in England and then said, I really want this show to come to America, but we didn’t have anybody from America come yet. It may still happen.

QUICKSTOP: I’ll make that happen.

WALLIAMS: Thank you very much.

QUICKSTOP: At this point, is there any comedic line that you won’t cross?

WALLIAMS: Well, the line I think”¦ people often say you can’t make jokes about this, that or the other. But I don’t think there are any rules, because I think if it’s fun, it’s kind of okay. And just because it’s humor doesn’t mean you’re necessarily belittling an important subject like that. You can do jokes about the most extreme awful thing, and as long as it’s funny, I think it’s kind of okay. I think people think you’re making light of something when you’re making a joke out of it, but I don’t think you are, really. I think you’re getting to a truth of it with humor. And I don’t see why you could watch a poem about something or make a film about something but you couldn’t do a comedy sketch about it. I don’t see why you should make any distinction. I think we’re quite lucky that we’ve always done the show in front of an audience, the TV show ““ we record the sketches and then play them into an audience, then we record sketches on the night, which means that the audience will kind of tell us if we’ve gone too far. And if people are just in shock and not laughing, we wouldn’t include it, because we’d just think, “Well what’s the point of that.” We wanted to be explosively funny. But comedy is”¦ you know, you look at something like Monty Python’s Meaning of Life, the man exploding and everyone getting covered in guts and vomit in a restaurant ““ it’s amazing. It’s disgusting, yeah, but it’s also brilliantly funny, and I kind of think as long as it’s both those”¦ as long as it still is funny there’s no reason not to do it.

QUICKSTOP: Has there ever been anything put on the table in the writing process that you refused to do?

WALLIAMS: Not really, no. Sometimes we think of ideas and go, “Oh no”¦ Actually, it’s funny to have it as an idea, but to actually see it would be a bit kind of horrible.” But no, we have our own sensibilities and then we have those of the audience. But I think it’s a weird one, because people often ask us, you know, “Well, do you think this has gone too far?” But, I mean, there’s a comedian in Britain called Chris Morris, if you’ve heard of him. Made The Day Today. Well, he made an episode of his show Brass Eye“¦

QUICKSTOP: This was the pedophile episode, right?

WALLIAMS: The pedophile episode. Now, obviously, to some people that was a big media storm around that with some people shocked and horrified that anyone could bring those kind of themes into what was a funny show. Other people applauded the bravery that he was dealing with this subject that was a taboo. I think we all have different kind of levels. We’ve all drawn the line in a different place. It’s quite hard to think where the line is, “˜cause I think it’s different for each person.

QUICKSTOP: Is there anything that you consistently draw the line at?

WALLIAMS: I think we’d find it hard to do something like that about pedophilia, because it really is shocking and”¦ I mean, I applaud his bravery for doing it, but I don’t think we could really think about doing anything on that. But it’s weird, if you dance around the subject ““ like The League of Gentlemen did, and have a character Herr Lip, who was a kind of pedophile, but because the boys are older it sort of made it sort of not too distasteful. It was still funny. It’s hard. It’s how you do it, really.

QUICKSTOP: You’ve finished 3 series, you’ve done a live tour, you’ve got a Christmas special coming up – are there projects right now outside of Little Britain that are drawing your attention?

WALLIAMS: Well yeah, we were kind of thinking what the next move will be, and it may be in different series for the BBC, or it could be a film or something. We’ve just got to take it where our creativity takes us, really. If we think of a great story for a film, we’ll make a film ““ you know?

QUICKSTOP: Does that mean we’ll see the return of Mash and Peas?

WALLIAMS: I don’t think we’ll ever do the return of Mash and Peas.

QUICKSTOP: Is there anything you’re pursuing independently?

WALLIAMS: Not really at the moment, because apart from odd bit of acting, there hasn’t really been time because we’ve been touring, and then we’re making a Christmas special over the summer. So there hasn’t really been time to do that, I’m afraid. But I’m sure I will, yeah.

QUICKSTOP: I certainly hope you guys are able to bring the show over to the U.S. “¦

WALLIAMS: Yeah, we’d love to do the show in America. That would be fantastic. Do you want to have a quick chat to Matt?

QUICKSTOP: I would.

WALLIAMS: I’ll just pass you over.

MATT LUCAS: Hello?

QUICKSTOP: Hello Matt”¦

LUCAS: You’ve got about one minute, I’m afraid. Anything you need to ask me?

QUICKSTOP: When are you going to finally do that Broadway show?

LUCAS: Oh that would be lovely, but at the moment we’re working together, so I don’t know. I haven’t any new news to tell you, I’m afraid. Gotta run”¦ Bye!

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Preaching From The Longbox: The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning

Filed under: Preaching from the Longbox — UncaScroogeMcD @ 3:00 pm

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July 19, 2006Â

IntroductionÂ

Greetings, my friends – both old and new.Â This column right here is called “Preachin’ from the Longbox” and I’m your humble comic book advocate, Britt Schramm.Â Since the column’s surroundings as well as the URL have changed, I thought that this would the perfect time to move PftL into a second volume.Â But don’t worry; even though QSE is considered the evolution of the old MPS site, there won’t be any type of evolution going on here.Â I’m still gonna write about comics my way, not because I have to answer to a new authority figure.Â So, watch out, Mr. New EIC, your time will come within these here columns real soon.

Now, without that unnecessary intro out of the way, here’s this week’s column:

This week’sÂ sermon – “The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning”Â

A couple of weeks ago, I was left home alone with a list of To Do’s from the wife.Â Now, I don’t know about you but being deafened by a house that is devoid of the usual loud electronic noises and laughing little voices is very unnerving, especially when you have grown oddly fond of it.Â Â

After placing the aforementioned Honey Do list firmly in hand, I had to do something to make the house seem more “alive” (for lack of a better word) and that led to only one thing ““ to find some background noise on to help me maintain my cleaning focus as well as to make the house not seem so vacant.

I went through all of the possible alternatives in my head.Â Music was my first choice but since I’ve stopped turning to terrestrial radio for my musical enjoyment and really wanted to keep my CD collection fresh for the daily work commute, that option was instantly scratched off the list.Â

(And by the way, when did AM/FM Radio get the lame moniker of “terrestrial radio”?Â Is it because of the whole satellite radio “revolution”?Â If that’s the case, then shouldn’t satellite radio be considered “extra-terrestrial radio”?Â Or is that label only reserved for the newest technological advancement in radio – Digital FM or that damn cute but overly wrinkly Phone Home midget?Â Really, am I the only one who questions this stuff?)

With radio out the door, my decisions boiled down to cable and DVD.Â Although I dig having the whole cable hook-up, the whole ordeal in trying to find something on the tube during the weekday mid-morning that isn’t a) nails-on-the-chalkboard irritating or b) moronically stupid is harder than you may think.Â And after cycling through half of the channels, I had to cut my losses and make the command decision that there was nothing on the old idiot box.

I was left with putting on a DVD.Â Now, thanks to my pre-children days (and having a Best Buy within walking distance), I have in my possession a decent sized collection of DVDs.Â The problem is finding the right balance of playing something that is good enough to allow for repeated viewings but isn’t so visually stunning that I’ll stop whatever I’m doing in order to watch the scene that is playing like a drooling moron.Â Â

There are only a few select movies that I feel make this cut.Â Movies like:

“Almost Famous” (although I am guilty of lingering a little too long during the Penny Lane topless scene but I’m only human)

All of Quentin Tarrentino’s movies (except for the Kill Bill series because they’re so damn pretty to watch)

“Ford Fairlane” (I’ve already given my explanation for that one)

“When Harry Met Sally” (because I have a some sort of Meg Ryan-in-the-late-80’s fixation)

And, of course, the Jersey Trilogy (hey, I was a fan first before I started writing here).

All make the grade for that kind of background chatty noise that I need to prevent my most notable trait ““ procrastination ““ from rearing its ugly head.

But also, around the same time (even serendipitously, you might say), the first season of The Batman was released.Â And being the hardcore Bat-fan that I am, I was able to budget my allowance (don’t ask) for this purchase.Â So, rather than reach for a tried-and-true DVD from the aforementioned list, I reached for Disc 1 of The Batman: Season 1 and plopped it into the Pioneer DVD tray.

Again, half of my mind was occupied with cleaning and I may have whiffed too many noxious fumes but I want use this column to make the following declaration. Â “The Batman” is just as good as “Batman: The Animated Series” and here’s why:

First, the Bat-costume is a great spin on the various designs from the Batman: The Animated Series but with some minor tweaks.Â The now classic Black on Gray suit still solid but putting the oval back into the Bat chest symbol (as well as reverting the utility belt back to the old “tubular” design) brings back some of the iconic heritage to the character.Â But it’s the little changes like shortening the ears, making the eyes more oval and rounding out the forehead in an attempt to make the cowl sleeker and more like a helmet plus the introduction of the Bat-Wave PDA that bring the whole costume together.Â Sure, it’s hard to go against the breakout and very stylish design that eventually lead to changing the costume of the DCU Batman but this one is pretty solid.

There’s not that simulated “retro” lookÂ within any ofÂ the show’s design elements.Â Don’t get me wrong; I’m a huge fan of B:TAS.Â But some of the shows seemed to try too hard to be generically retro.Â If you get a chance, watch at a B:TAS episode and take a look at the cars, the clothes, and the buildings.Â If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll see that by going “retro”, the shows come off older than they really are.Â The Batman is doing what I like to say all of the time ““ living in the now.Â Â

I like that the creators went for a more subtle anime approach versus a two-thirds anime hybrid like the way Teen Titans has become.Â Using some speed lines and slightly adapting the characters’ appearance and nuances keep the show relatively grounded in American comic lore while still showing that the Bat-franchise is acceptable to interpretation.Â FYI – there’s anything wrong with the Teen Titans show, as I like it well enough.Â But some days, I just can’t handle how Beast Boy reverts to some mocking anime character.Â Call me an old fart, if you want.Â Another step away from some of the literal anime influences is the removal of Chief Rojas (a stereotypical angry police chief in some of the anime DVDs that I’ve seen) after the end of Season 1 and the re-introducing Commissioner Jim Gordon in Season 2.

I also like the interpretations of the Bat-villains since they’re not bogged down by years of continuity like B:TAS was.Â Seeing Catwoman as an anime-infused version of Jim Lee’s recent redesign was nice to see and modifying Mr. Freeze into a mutant was a deft touch.Â But, again, the creators didn’t go overboard with the changes.Â The Penguin, Firefly and Poison Ivy are more or less the same character that is in the books.Â Although I still find it somewhat disturbing to see the Joker without shoes but hey, he’s crazy so that fact kinda fits his modus operandi.

Another way that The Batman is on par that B:TAS is in the excellent quality of voice work for the show. Â Â No, that’s not a slam against Kevin Conroy, Luke Skywalker, Efrem Zimbalist Jr. or Bull from “Night Court”.Â But it’s hard to compete with the gaggle of actors that are on “The Batman” like the newest Commander William Adama, X-Files’ Mitch Pelligi, comedian and self-admitted comic nerd Patton Oswalt, SpongeBob SquarePants, uber-hottie Gina Gershon, the Villain from “Highlander” as well as Bat-alumni like Adam West (who also voiced the Grey Ghost on B:TAS), Eric Matthews from “Boy Meets World” (who voiced Batman Beyond) and the dearly departed Frank Gorshin.Â Whoa, I think that I may have been wrong earlier.Â This cast of supporting voice actors actually slays Batman: The Animated Series.Â But fans of B:TAS can take some consolation.Â At least the majority of their voice work wasn’t done by Ted Knight.Â True, the guy is a television legend.Â But don’t tell me that during those Saturday Filmation cartoons back in the day that you didn’t picture Ted Baxter in his WJM Channel 12 blazer staring blankly back at you.

Although, I’ll admit that there have been some recent setbacks to the show.Â I hate hate HATE the new theme song for Season 2, which sounds like a bastardized mashup of epic proportions comprised of the first season’s theme song (brilliantly composed by The Edge) and the theme song from the Jack Lord classic TV show, Hawaii Five-O.Â (If you don’t know Hawaii Five-O, you should crack a history book every occasionally, kid.Â You might learn something.)Â I might be alone on this one but the theme from Season 1 kills any Bat-Theme that was made before or will be made in the future.Â I’m not trying to be controversial; this is just factual knowledge.Â And while I understand the inclusion of Batgirl was done to inject some estrogen into the show as well as to explain the addition of Jim Gordon, I’m really not digging her in this series.Â She seems like an amalgam of Robin (natural acrobat) and old school Bat-girl (computer whiz).Â Her costume is with the oversized eyes is just too odd-looking.Â Okay, so I’m a hypocrite but that’s nothing new.Â By the way, did I tell you that I hate the new theme song?

Aside from those slight hiccups, I can’t see for the life of me why people hate the new Batman series so.Â I’ve read the very unflattering “Amazon.com” reviews for the DVDs and wondered if they’re watching the same show that is on My TiVo’s Season Pass.Â My friend Steve told me that I didn’t like the three-quarter profile, which is the same style that was used on the Jackie Chan Adventures cartoon (Jeff Matsuda was key player in designing and conceptualizing both shows) and I can understand that argument.Â It does take getting used to seeing.Â But the real problem with the complaints is that the show is not a direct carbon copy of the wonderful and hallowed Batman: The Animated Series.Â Again, you probably won’t find a bigger fan of that series more than yours truly.Â However, I refuse to let theÂ spectre of that show cloud my judgment concerning “The Batman”.Â Once people take those blinders off and let go of their pre-conceived misgivings about “The Batman”, they should begin to see what I’ve been seeing all along ““ a show that is still ground in Batman-mythos yet still moving forward.Â As I always say, “Live in the Now, people!”
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The PftL Mailbox

Matt M. dropped a huge ass letter in the mailbox a couple of months ago concerning the “Dreaming in Digital” column.Â To keep the column as short as possible, I’ve decided to post justÂ an excerpt:

“I happily download comics because I cannot afford to buy comics. That’s the simplest answer. One can make lots and lots of arguments about the illegality and the unethical behaviour of downloading comics, but I think they are predominantly forgetting that it is not theft because I am not taking the original method of creating profit from the hands of the creators or the corporations. In a digital world in which people copy and paste all the time (ha), I think the industry must must must catch up to my downloading speed. I download comics all the time. So many that I haven’t even read half of them yet”¦..This is my point: the qualitative argument for downloading information. I will resort to purchasing comics only if the quality is up to my standards. I’m not idiot: quality is far more relative than morals. Who am I to judge the professionals? Well, unfortunately, the power of my dollar is the judge. I choose to buy Grant Morrison (GM), therefore GM becomes the next writer of Batman. Excellent. There’s a comic I will buy. But until the rest of comicdom catches up with the Scottish scribe (along with Gaiman, Millar, Slott, Moore and others), I will be downloading comics”¦I could go on, as I’m sure all comic fans could, but I choose to stop here.”

PftL: Â Matt, thanks for writing.Â While I didn’t really get into the legalities of the current practice of P2P sharing of scanned comics, I’d still like to address your comments.Â I totally understand your current financial crunch but it just seems like your justification is flawed.Â Any reproduction of that copyrighted material, no matter what form the output is ““ digital or otherwise, is still regarded as stealing.Â I don’t see how the act of downloading a scanned comic is not considered taking money that you would’ve spent to purchase said book out of the hands of the creators or the corporations, as you put it.Â I could see if it was something like a network share with read-only access or a license for a one-time reading of the issue, which would be very similar to reading the book at the local store.Â But once the file is downloaded, it’s there until someone deletes it.Â Maybe I’m just being obstinate but it still sounds like pilfering.
Â

The PftL Moment of Irony

Now, this is not about the “Black Fly in Your Chardonnay”/Alanis Morissette-type of irony.Â Here’s the scenario.Â At the end of March, an interesting email arrived into the old inbox from a top writer in the industry and in the subject line was a request to peruse his new creator-owned book.Â No problem, so I thought, until the email was opened and a link to a PDF of the preview was imbedded in the body.Â This was only a couple weeks after I had written the abovementioned “Dreams in Digital” column in which I describe in some detail that I’m not a fan of reading comics that are expressly made for print in a digital format.Â I’ll be honest; not only did I chuckle about this coincidental email but ironically, I actually read the PDF comic.Â And it was so good (the comic ““ not the format) that I went ahead and bought the comic when it finally hit the stands a few months later.Â

The writer (in case you were wondering) ““ Dan Slott

The book ““ Big Max (Mr. Comics)

The lesson here is not that the comic book medium is going to a digital format sooner that anyone thought.Â It’s the fact that I’ll read almost any comic book that is offered gratis.Â Creators, I’m talking to you.

Three Comics to keep your eye on this week:

Eternals #1 (Marvel) ““ Neil Gaiman + John Romita, Jr = Must Have.Â That is unless it’s like 1602.Â Then, it’s more like Must Wait for the Trade.

Flash, The Fastest Man Alive #1 (DC) ““ How will DC explain this one now that Wally West and Bart Allen are out of speed juice?Â Hopefully, the story will not involve BALCO or HGH.

Uncle Scrooge #355 (Gemstone) ““ In honor of my new EIC (Damn, I couldn’t make it through the first column.Â I’m such a suck-up!)

The Wrap-Up

I would like to dole out a little dap to a couple friends to the PftL scene:Â

Big Ups to former MPS honcho Chris Ryall and the Hope to his Crosby, Scott Tipton, for getting a solid plug for Comics101.com in the latest Entertainment Weekly (the one with the metrosexual Superman on the cover.Â Keep up the good work, gentlemen.Â Â Â

And congrats to Keith Giffen on getting his new column, As If I Care, up and running on Wizard Universe.com (http://www.wizarduniverse.com/magazine/archive/giffen.cfm).Â I only hope that he won’t make it look too easy.Â Us regular Internet Columnist Joes gotta have something to hang our hats on.Â I’d like to give him a piece of advice that the first industry pro gave me when I first started out at Moviepoopshoot (and I’m paraphrasing here) – “Try not to fuck up too badly.”Â

Lastly, I’ll exit out the door with a one-page back-up gag from the first issue of “Ursa Minors!” a June release from SLG Comics.Â The subject matter is one that we should all be familiar knowing; old jokes and all.Â Although I didn’t know that a possible chink in Mr. Smith”˜s armor would be the inability to down a nice frosty cold one.

That’s it. Â I’m off the Longbox this week.Â Thanks for reading.Â And don’t forget, kiddies; Keep your bags & boards together and your continuity straight.

-britt

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Widge Goes Off: Billy Connolly and the Westbeth Connection

Filed under: Widge Goes Off — widge @ 2:00 pm

-By Widgett Walls

Westbeth Entertainment is doing a great service to those of us on this side of the pond.Â Where America’s brightest comic talents are making tired family friendly atrocities, asking for so much per film that the films collapse into the salary gravity well or inexplicably fleeing the country just when things actually seem to be working out for them, we’re dying for an infusion of really, really funny shit.

Westbeth’s strategy is so terrifyingly simple, it beggars explanation as to why it hasn’t been doneÂ before.Â It’s this: Britain has plenty of comedy–let’s import some of theirs.

And as I said, it’s about damn time.Â Fans of the likes of Connolly, Eddie Izzard, and Bill Bailey have been having to make do with snagging Region 2 DVD releases and seeing whatever BBC America feels like showing on any given day of the week.Â There’s no reason why these folks can’t come over here and do well for themselves.

Speaking of Connolly, that’s who were in New York to see.Â And the 37 Arts Theatre is an incredible venue to see someone like Connolly.Â The only trouble with such an intimate setting is that the comic has enough energy to power a medium-sized Asian nation, so the audience is in danger of flashburn at all times.

And Connolly did not disappoint: from talking about taking his grandson to see a parade on Malta (Holy Week Parade–whups: “They killed Baby Jesus?”) to ragging on Braveheart some more (bravo!) to the bliss of being married (“I didn’t get married, I was taken hostage!”), he was there and he was on for two solid hours.Â And I would really appreciate the opportunity to diagram the train of thought that he must go through: he really does tangent all to hell and somehow manage (sometimes with the help of the audience) to get back to where he left off.

Honestly, after seeing this–in a standing room only venue–I don’t see why he doesn’t do a tour of the U.S.Â Hell, if you absolutely must, as amusing as I think the Blue Collar Comedy Tour can be at times, Connolly with some others would make a tour that would blow their collective tractor out of the corn field.

…..Yeah, that metaphor works.Â Moving on.Â Congrats to Westbeth for what looked like a solid and successful run.Â Now…Dylan Moran?Â Please?

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Spook’d #82: KIPS – Well-Suited

Filed under: Spook'd — UncaScroogeMcD @ 1:29 am

by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee

Larger Sized Comic

To see Spook’d host Alastor’s blogging silliness and more fun Spook’d stuff,visit the Spook’d Web site!

Check out the preview to…

E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | SPOOK’D BLOG | SPOOK’D FORUM | ARCHIVES

Disclaimer: All material in Spook’d is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.

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The Battlestars: Live At The Mint

Filed under: Articles,Music News — admin @ 1:26 am

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By Antony Teofilo

Soundtrack music tells its own stories.

When I lived in London, I watched from the second row of The Royal Albert Hall as John Williams conducted the legendary scores that have defined his career: Star Wars, JFK, Indiana Jones, Superman…powerful melodies which recalled not just the films they had been in, but the times in my life that I connected with those moving pictures. I was
riveted to my seat at the grandeur of it all.

Now, imagine you’re sitting in a club in one of LA’s ‘not best’ neighborhoods,
listening to nine musicians pour their hearts out of their instruments with as much power as a full symphony orchestra. This was a performance that brought just as much, if not more, passion to the stage as John Williams did.

On Sunday night, I watched in awe as Bear McCreary, composer of the score to Battlestar Galactica, performed music from the show’s second season with his studio band for a modestly sized audience. Several times, I wondered if this fresh talent could be the vanguard of the next wave of important American composers. Comparisons can easily be drawn between Bear and John Williams, Hans Zimmer, and James Horner. He’s getting that good, bringing something new to the field of film composition.

And he’s twenty-six years old.

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Like many wunderkind, McCreary had a little help on the way up. A fortunate connection to Elmer Bernstein lead to a mentorship that lasted a decade, with Bear first taking classes from Bernstein at USC, then becoming his assistant, learning orchestration and composition from a master of the trade whose scores included movies as diverse
as The Magnificent Seven, An American Werewolf In London, Meatballs, and The Three Amigos.

By fashioning world music in to a storytelling tool that is neither hokey nor corny, McCreary astounds with his mastery in connecting the aural to the narrative. Ask any soundtrack aficionado: A soundtrack is one thing on TV or in the theater. It’s completely different live. That’s when you find out what a composer is really made of…and McCreary’s got the right stuff, for sure, with an ensemble that packed an immense amount of musicology onto one tiny stage.

Oingo Boingo alumni and frequent Danny Elfman collaborators Steve Bartek, John Avila, and Johnny “Vatos” Hernandez took guitar, bass, and drums, respectively. M.B. Gordy pounded taiko drums and various exotic percussion instruments with aplomb. Chris Bleth played duduk and bansuri with heart-grabbing gravity (they’re the breathy reed
instruments heard often on the lead melodies of McCreary’s compositions). The passionate performance style and electric fiddle of Paul Cartwright would put most lead guitarists to shame. Vocalists Raya Yarbrough and Bt4, who also happens to be McCreary’s brother, rounded out the ensemble, recreating the lilting tones and keening
screeches heard in particularly dramatic moments. They’re a tight knit crew, listening equally to one another, all the while, paying close attention to McCreary’s direction and conducting as he leads them through each composition.

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Start to finish, the tunes were flawlessly executed, filling the room with a unique blend of Irish, Moroccan, Middle-Eastern, and Western tunes and textures. And not only multi-national styles are employed to give the score range and wide appeal… a sizable array of digital effects and improvised instruments fill out many songs, as do some more I innovative tools and methods. Samples of dishwashers, washing machines, banging trash cans, and other organic sounds have made it onto the show. “One time, Bear had me turn on all my effects pedals at once, and then asked me to scream at the top of my lungs into the pickup,” said, electric fiddler Paul Cartwright. Bear related a tale of a producer not liking what he had come up with for a scene. The solution? He literally composed blind, going strictly on instinct, using only the time limit and his emotional connections to the scene for guidance. Originally, the show’s creators did not want any large symphonic scores, preferring to keep things, like the halls of Galactica, more claustrophobic. As the scope of the show has gotten grander, so has the score.

These days, it’s not unusual for Bear to compose and conduct a sixty-piece orchestra, as
evidenced by the Colonial theme (Track 1 on the new CD), which is a re-imagining of the original theme from the original show. It’s the only brass-heavy composition this far, not a pale imitation, but a hearty representation of the new direction McCreary’s taking the show musically.

Several generations of Galactica‘s creative staff were on hand for the full performance, including sound designer Daniel Colman. Sound designers and composers can have some of the most acrimonious relationships in the moving picture industry. A composer may feel his music is more important than sound or foley effects, and vice versa. Not so, when dealing with McCreary. Say’s Coleman, “It’s really one of the friendliest relationships I’ve ever had with a composer. You’ll work for thirty-six hours on a three minute stretch of the show, and then we’ll get together and realize either just the sound or just the score works better there. And you think to yourself, well, that’s two days of work gone. But it’s okay, because it’s what’s best.” According to Colman, both have made fairly significant cuts over time.

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One good example is the final track on the Season 2 soundtrack, Black Market. The sprawling 5 and-a-half-minute piece was meant to follow Apollo through a labyrinthine marketplace, switching between Apollo’s progress, and the grimy music Bear thought the dastardly characters within the market would listen to. He told the audience on Sunday that only about thirty seconds of this music was actually used in the episode because it just didn’t fit in the soundscape, but they had so much fun with it, he thought the fans should get a chance to hear it. Live, this piece was truly impressive, a thick wall of ear-melting progressive rock, with heavy-thudding electric and bass and guitars so thickly layered, the sound was hitting my chest in tactile waves that visibly ruffled my shirt on the downbeats. Other high points of the night that can be heard on the soundtrack included the tender waltz “Roslin And Adama” (‘not exactly a love theme’, said Bear), “Reuniting The Fleet”, an emotionally moving march, and the ethereal “Baltar’s Dream”.

The only genuine shame of the evening was the crowd size, which accounted for only about half of those who had confirmed to attend. While it was great that the show was presented in such an intimate atmosphere, I couldn’t help think that quite a few fans that might have paid good dough for the privilege to get in. Not to worry, though.

McCreary is considering ways to bring the show to a larger venue, including ComicCon in San Diego, where Richard Hatch (the originator of the Apollo role on the first series in the ’70’s, currently playing Tom Zarek) will be making an appearance. Hatch, who showed up to emcee the event and stayed the duration of the show, had this to say about McCreary, “It’s so rare when a show gets it all right, when everything really works. Galactica has that. You just don’t find people who work so well together, and Bear’s a big part of that. Not only that, but he makes such huge beautiful scores on such a tiny budget. That’s not done well very often. He’s a great talent… watch out John Williams.”

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Bear McCreary is honored to undertake such a monumental task, and loves working with the talent that surrounds him. Often, he gets just three days to record the score for an entire show, which makes for long, exhausting days and nights. With such a tight schedule, several shows have been finished mere hours before airtime. Because of East coast debut schedules, sometimes the tapes must be flown to New York City and
placed on the air with only minutes to spare because it’s actually quicker to fly them across the country than it is to transmit them electronically.

Through it all, Bear remains a die-hard fan of the show. What’s the best part of this dream job? He says: “I’m such a fan. The coolest part of this job is getting to see the
show every week before everyone else.”

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June 15, 2006

Game On! 6-15-2006

Filed under: Game On! — admin @ 10:41 pm

By Ian Bonds

June 15th, 2006

Well, here I am, back again with more reviews and such for another fun-filled week in Game On! This week, IÂ’ve actually got a couple of RPGs to cover, as well as a few of the more violent titles that have been recently released. IÂ’m not much for intros as it is, so letÂ’s just jump right in here, shall we?

TESTING YOUR METAL

What is it about desolate, post-apocalyptic worlds that make folks act a little crazy? Sure, the world you know is in ruin, but is that any reason to walk around hunting bio-creatures for cash? ShouldnÂ’t cash me an out-modded commodity anyway? Well, apparently not in the world of METAL SAGA, out now for PS2. Here, money is a big deal, as is the acquisition, and most importantly, spending of it.

As a new hunter, itÂ’s your job to travel from crumbling town to town, seeking out the remnants of a world gone wrong and adding them to your bounty. ThereÂ’s not much plot to speak of in this RPG Â– well, there is, but the game only dolls out tidbits every so often. The main idea here is to establish your own path. To do so, youÂ’re given ample opportunities to cash in on bounties, upgrade your armor (or ridesÂ…you can acquire tanks and buggies and such to travel in and do battle with) or even sell weapons on the black market made from scrap pieces youÂ’ve found on your travels.

At first glance, the game could be regarded as having no focus, but on closer examination itÂ’s revealed that the freedom the game allows the players is used for them to forage their own path to completion. Everything is connected (in an abstract kind of way) and will eventually lead to the boss battles, addition of party members and acquisition of new tanks. The characters here are the draw, with colorful, almost crazy designs. Want a sidekick thatÂ’s a dog with a bazooka on his back? How about a load-ass cowgirl? Sure, why not? Even the enemy designs are outrageous, including junkyard zombies, a water heater with legs, and a bubble bee with a machine gun stinger. This game thankfully just wonÂ’t take itself seriously.

The combat is your normal turn-based affair, with one major difference; some options change depending on whether or not you are in or out of your ride. While your tanks and cars will have heavier armor, you sacrifice being able to use your special skills (depending on your character). Still, your movement remains the same inside or outside of a vehicle (thankfullyÂ…so itÂ’s not like piloting a warthog at ALL). Beyond that, itÂ’s the typical Â“you attack, they attackÂ” standard of RPG combat.

The graphics are a bit dated here, however. While the game opens with a flashy anime intro, thatÂ’s just about all you see of its kind for a while. The in game graphics are all on par with early Playstation (One!) titles, with plenty of jaggies and pixilation, but not so much that it becomes annoying or hard to decipher whatÂ’s happening on screen. And thereÂ’s such a wealth of stuff to do (and humorÂ…this game is crazy, seriously) you wonÂ’t really notice much. It may not be perfect, but itÂ’s fun, if not a little disjointed at first, until you learn how the game allows you to lead your character through the worlds.

One GamerÂ’s Opinion:

MONEY FOR NOTHING, HITS FOR FREE

For Agent 47, his notoriety is on the rise. Not just because his new game hit stores last week (on PS2, Xbox, PC and Xbox 360), but thereÂ’s a former FBI agent out there spilling the beans to a newspaper reporter about many of the Â“covertÂ” hits that heÂ’s done over the years. In HITMAN: BLOOD MONEY, out now for PS2, Xbox, PC & Xbox 360, you experience these hits via playable flashbacks, chronicling the life (and deaths) and times of the worldÂ’s most notorious killer.

As before, you are free to figure out any means necessary to eliminate your targets. You can either go in all stealthy, SPLINTER CELL style, or maybe just waltz in guns blazing and taking out all and any in your way. While both will work, the latter will tend to get you noticed, and thatÂ’s exactly what youÂ’re trying to avoidÂ…that is, unless you kill all the witnesses. Short of that, you can also bribe them, as 47Â’s notoriety comes into play throughout the game. Do hits in clear view and people will start to recognize you, making events later in the game hard to complete and even harder to lose the notoriety of, unless you grease the right palms.

To make things easier, thereÂ’s a new Â“accidentÂ” system in the way you carry out your hits. For example, if a guy just happens to fall off a balcony rather than being shot in the back of his head or being bludgeoned by a baseball bat, theyÂ’re less likely to look for a suspect. In a later mission, you can even kill an opera singer by replacing a prop gun with a real one and having one of the actorÂ’s take out the target, completely unaware of what theyÂ’re doing! ItÂ’s these particular moments where the gameÂ’s ingenuity really shines.

ThereÂ’s really no wrong way to complete a mission, which is nice, and many players will spend hours trying to figure out each levels intricate details and how to best get a Â“silent assassinÂ” rating without stirring up so much as a grumble from the surrounding authority figures. Control has been tightened from previous games, though the fiber wire garroting still needs a bit of work. The graphics have also been improved, but youÂ’d be hard pressed to notice much of a difference on the Xbox 360 version beyond a few smoother textures.

For what it does, HITMAN: BLOOD MONEY does most of it well. DonÂ’t go in expecting a huge epic story, plan to take your time through missions (and maybe even a good bit of trial and error with planning out your hits) and youÂ’ll end up having a fun time in the long run. ItÂ’s unique, itÂ’s inventive, and there are plenty of diverse ways to go about your dirty business. Just keep it in the game, folks.

One GamerÂ’s Opinion:

CHRONICLES OF RIDICULOUS

If your tastes in RPGs tend to lean more towards the bizarre, and you enjoy an open-ended, choose-your-own-adventure style of gameplay, than have I got the game for you. STEAMBOT CHRONICLES for the PS2 may be just what youÂ’re looking for, as it has some unique gameplay elements that separate it from the RPG normsÂ…

Sure, you have the typical hero out to save the land, and you have the stereotypical amnesia victim, but usually, theyÂ’re not the same character (and usually, they donÂ’t often have a name as ridiculous as Vanilla Beans). Washed up on a beach, poor Vanilla canÂ’t remember a thing, but is soon set off on a quest toÂ…well, do just about whatever the hell he wants. STEAMBOT gives the players ample opportunity to either follow the storyline of stopping (or joining, if that be your preference) a rogue gang of miscreants who are causing trouble, or just trot around town in your custom battle suit, conveniently enough called a Â“TrotmobileÂ”, engaging in fights for money. You can even practice music and become a street performer, earning pocket change and the respect of other musicians.

One of the best aspects of the game is the ability to choose your path through the storyÂ’s main plot. You can either fight the main gang by starting your own, or join the hooligans and wreck the town. The game offers several different choices such as these all throughout itÂ’s 25+ hours, and itÂ’s multiple endings ensure several play-throughs for those that dig on VanillaÂ’s crazy antics.

Sadly, the same cannot be said for the Trotmobiles. While customizing these CadillacÂ’s of mechs, the control leaves a good bit to be desired, both in combat and in movement. Clunky in form and function, youÂ’ll end up fighting with the controller more than your opponents either in normal fights or within the arena to make a little extra scratch. Still, itÂ’s an aspect to at least check out, though itÂ’s not wholly necessary. There are plenty of side quests too to flesh out the already diverse tasks at hand, such as the aforementioned musicianÂ’s route. Here, you can start small (with a harmonica) then continue on through various degrees of instruments, from trombones to guitars, each with their own unique control scheme.

Again, as a change from the norm, STEAMBOT is a welcome breath of fresh air. It helps that it doesnÂ’t take itself too seriously (even playing to the fact that it participates in some common RPG trappings). The control may not be perfect, but for those out for a little free-roaming mischief and fun in their otherwise dull RPG worlds should give this one a look.

One GamerÂ’s Opinion:

EVERY CITY HAS A STORY

PS2 fans who havenÂ’t shelled out the bucks can rejoice now that the PSP exclusive is no longerÂ…well, exclusive. GRAND THEFT AUTO: LIBERTY CITY STORIES has finally made itÂ’s way back home to the big papa of itÂ’s console family, and itÂ’s doing so at a budget price.

The main reason behind this, IÂ’m assuming, is that most folks who wanted it badly enough, bought it when it was out for PSP. And rightly so, too, as the missions are built around the idea of gaming on the go, quick in and out jobs, then pack it away for a while. The port is a decent one, though the graphics look a tad touched up, but not so much that youÂ’ll notice, as itÂ’s all GTA as it is: gritty, and about as smooth as the stubble on Tony CiprianiÂ’s chin.

Control, as youÂ’d expect is the same as well, as is the audio presentation. So, really, why the dip in price? Well, much to my chagrin, the multiplayer portion of the game that was in the PSP version is sadly missing from this iteration. ItÂ’s a shame too, because that really would have been fun to play online, jacking limos and cruising around in tank battles. Maybe for the next gen.

Still, for twenty bucks you get a lot of story. And while the adventure pales in comparison to SAN ANDREAS (or even VICE CITY) itÂ’s nice to have another character story fleshed out beyond what weÂ’ve seen in the other games. Plus, itÂ’s yet another GTA game to add to their already increasing library.

One GamerÂ’s Opinion:

QUICKSHOT OF THE WEEK

IÂ’m doing JAWS UNLEASHED as a quickshot this week mainly because I really havenÂ’t played it much. When I did delve into this shark story, unfortunately I found the control and camera to be a bitch to contend with. As you maneuver through the water, around coves and shorelines, Jaws often gets trapped between the camera and invisible polygons at the edge of objects.

Also, for some story missions, character AI donÂ’t behave in a manner that makes missions easy to complete (such as the initial level where you have to grab a scientist and pass him along the card reader to escape). When they all run away or stand JUST enough out of reach and you have to reload, youÂ’ll say there seem to be elements of the game that could use some tweaking. And youÂ’d be right. I hope to give the game another go, and hopefully my feelings for it will improve, but thereÂ’s no guarantee. So, for now, itÂ’s gets this.

One GamerÂ’s Opinion:

And thus, we end another game filled week at Game On! In the coming weeks, months, etc we have a few changes coming here in the column, including more commentary, some interviews, and of course, more reviews a plenty as the site changes over to the new format. Keep your eyes peeled for a new introductory column, where I re-introduce my Â“ratingsÂ” system as well. Until then, gamersÂ…

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June 12, 2006

Spook’d – #81 – Sweet Reunion

Filed under: Spook'd — UncaScroogeMcD @ 12:30 pm

by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee

Check out the preview for Task Force 1 (from Image Comics).

View Full Size

Beginning of Current Story | Previous Story>

To see Spook’d host Alastor’s blogging silliness and more fun Spook’d stuff,

visit the Spook’d Web site!

Beginning of Current Story | Previous Strip

Check out the preview to…

E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | SPOOK’D BLOG |
SPOOK’D FORUM |
ARCHIVES

Disclaimer: All material in Spook’d is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.

Comments (0)

June 5, 2006

Spook’d – #80

Filed under: Spook'd — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:15 am

by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee

Check out the preview for Task Force 1 (from Image Comics).

Full Size Comic

Beginning of Current Story | Previous Story

To see Spook’d host Alastor’s blogging silliness and more fun Spook’d stuff,

visit the Spook’d Web site!

Beginning of Current Story | Previous Strip

Check out the preview to…

E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | SPOOK’D BLOG |
SPOOK’D FORUM |
ARCHIVES

Disclaimer: All material in Spook’d is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.

Comments (0)

June 2, 2006

Trailer Park: Revenge of The Ratner

Filed under: Trailer Park — admin @ 9:04 pm

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR | By Christopher Stipp

June 2, 2006

Revenge of The Ratner

Um, yeah, MySpace. Just go there. Go.

So…(clasps hands together once as the sound echoes through the Internet)…120 million.

I won’t begrudge Ratner.

The ‘tard put up a hell of a take at the box office and I think everyone here, including myself, owe the guy a huzzah with a Coke and a smile. I wasn’t one of the people who added to the final number from this weekend; like I mentioned many times before I just wasn’t “hyped” over making sure I saw it opening weekend like I was for the other two installments. It was an odd feeling, to be sure, that the years I spent agonizing over when the actual X-Men movie was going to be made in 1988, following the film’s progression in monthly issues of the local comic book ‘zine at the time before the age of online communities or Wizard, that I really didn’t care about this movie.

Something was missing from this third flick and it might have had something to do, first off, with the wretched looking cast members who weren’t already established (Where in the hell did that porcupine boy come from, was it during Kirby’s tenure at the House of Ideas? Or that chick with the tribal marks on her face, some Mike Tyson femme facsimile?) , the notion that Ratner felt it was a’ight to put his own spin on things by writing his way through his own envisioning of the X-world or it could have even been Fox’s own undoing by demanding whoever was going to make this movie that they hit a release date from the word “Go.” Can you rush a great movie? Not in the eyes of Fox’s accounting department.

By the sheer fact that this movie made lots of money it has legitimized any and all factors that many fanboys screamed about, this one included. Like a president who doesn’t care about your civil liberties the population has spoken with their wallets and have said yes to the machinations of every deadline and decision that was made in this film’s name.

Good for Ratner. I’m here to say that the guy did everything he was supposed to do, created a world all his own by adding new mutants to further his ideas of how this narrative should’ve gone and has made his corporate overlords very happy, regardless of how much he was covering his bases when he mentioned that he knew he was coming late to the game but he was going to do the best he could with what he was given.

I’m glad the movie did well. I may try and actually pay, with my own money, to see this movie but with the beating the movie has taken from peers who I trust I am not sure what to make of a flick that’s been co-opted for the benefit of box office boffo.

Every business has a right to make as much money as it can, where it can so I am happy that Fox can keep on keeping on with its successful business model of financially growing a successful franchise. This is show business after all, kids. Win at any price or any cost, regardless of what a few of us think.

Kudos and huzzah.

In other news, I just could not leave this week without mentioning the passing of Paul Gleason.

Those of you like myself who really came into movies by way of John Hughes came upon Gleason as one of those dudes who really, really, fit the role they were cast in. For all intents and purposes Paul was just a bad ass dude that you loved to hate in the BREAKFAST CLUB. Paul WAS the embodiment, the symbolism, if you will, for those teachers in high school who just lost the idea of what it meant to be a teenager somewhere between their graduation into the real world and the end of their first marriage.

Myself?

I am, and will always be, a stone cold champion of Paul’s work in DIE HARD. Say what you will about Alan Rickman or that ballerina guy who eventually ate it at the end, but it was Paul’s role as Dwayne T. Robinson of the LAPD that really glued all these individual performances together like a canister of Elmer’s paste.

I’m not much to dwell on how crushing this loss is to film’s greatest A-holes but I dare any of you to try and put someone else in these parts and tell me that they would’ve been just as memorable.

Godspeed, Dwayne T. Robinson.

Richard Vernon: Well, well. Here we are. You have exactly eight hours and fifty-four minutes to think about why you’re here. You may not talk, you will not move from these seats. Any questions?
John Bender: Yeah. Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe? Dwayne T. Robinson: We don’t know shit, Powell. If there’s hostages in there, how come no one’s come to us with ransom demands? If there’s terrorists in there, where’s their list of demands? All we know is that whoever shot your car up is probably the same silly sonofabitch you’ve been talking to on that radio.
Sergeant Al Powell: Excuse me sir. But what about the body that fell out the window?
Dwayne T. Robinson: Well who knows? Maybe some stockbroker, got depressed.

Sergeant Al Powell: In fact, I think he’s a cop. Maybe not LAPD, but he’s definitely a badge.
Dwayne T. Robinson: How do you know that?
Sergeant Al Powell: A hunch, things he said. Like being able to spot a phony ID.
Dwayne T. Robinson: Jesus Christ, Powell, he could be a fucking bartender for all we know.

LITTLE MAN (2006) Director: Michael Cuesta
Cast: Marlon Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Tracy Morgan
Release: July 5, 2006
Synopsis: A wannabe dad (Shawn Wayans) mistakes a vertically challenged criminal on the lam (Marlon Wayans) as his newly adopted son. View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Negative. So, on my way to see ICE AGE 2 with the fam I saw the lobby display for LITTLE MAN. I’m no expert and I don’t purport to know such things but the line on the standee proclaiming this new film is from the same dudes who brought us WHITE CHICKS is not one I would choose to use willingly, publicly.

I had the sharp misfortune of watching a part of WHITE CHICKS and I am positive you do not want people to know you’re the masterminds behind that movie. Absolutely positive.

Keenen Ivory Wayans, a true comedic talent who brought us I’M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA and In Living Color when it didn’t suck so much, is the guy behind the directorial lens and I don’t see any mention of this guy’s work which is a little disappointing. That said, though, this movie disturbs me a little.

When we start out the Voiceover Guy talks about a world of crime and for some reason I guess the phrase “world of crime” means being shown a static shot of a prison cell. I don’t know what one has to do with the other but it’s odd. Next, we get Marlon Wayans, a really solid actor when placed into a film like REQUIEM FOR A DREAM, starring in a weird amalgam of a kid and midget. I don’t think I can overstate that it looks weird, really weird.

Tracy Morgan comes in to help play the straight man in the beginning of this trailer as Morgan helps to boost a car that already has a Denver Boot attached to it. Ha ha, very funny, I know, but Marlon tries to play up this whole ruse as best he can, him being this mutant midget of sorts. I’m not sure if we’re supposed to be freaked out by this or that we’re supposed to take it at face value but when Tracy and Marlon go into a jewelry store to boost a diamond, with Marlon being transported via a duffel bag, I’m not sure whether to be insulted that we’re supposed to believe this or think it’s hilarious that this is going on.

I’m honestly torn because some part of me is laughing on the inside while another part of me is glued to the screen as I try to figure out why this looks so freaky.

Long story very short, the guys have to recover the very same diamond Marlon stole just a few moments ago as Marlon ditched it in some woman’s bag. Sooooo”¦Marlon is placed in a basket and pretends to be a baby to infiltrate the household.

I’m still reeling as I try and come to terms with my sense of humor on this one. Supposing that this is the accepted norm I am at least comforted by comedian Fred Stoller’s comments that the kid is adorable in a, “National Geographic sort of way.”

The trailer, for the most part, hits the notes that it has to in order to sell this as a goofy comedy: you’ve got physical humor as you have Shawn and Marlon drinking warm milk only to discover it’s breast milk; you’ve got the obligatory nut shot when Marlon swings for the fences during a game of Wiffle Ball; you’ve got about as close as you’re going to get with a fart joke as there is a struggle to apply a rectal thermometer to Marlon; and there’s the whole wife/mistaken identity situation that has been done before in other flicks and has been rehashed here for our pleasure.

I don’t think I am as willing to break bad on this flick as I am sure that I’m not going to see it. It doesn’t look like my kind of funny but, for some, this might be just the right thing for people come July.

WORLD TRADE CENTER (2006) Director: Oliver Stone
Cast: Nicolas Cage, Michael PeÃ±a, Maria Bello, Maggie Gyllenhaal
Release: August 11, 2006
Synopsis: Director Oliver Stone tells the true story of the heroic survival and rescue of two Port Authority policemen ““ John McLoughlin and Will Jimeno ““ who were trapped in the rubble of the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, after they went in to help people escape. The film also follows their families as they try to find out what happened to them, as well as the rescuers who found them in the debris field and pulled them out. Their story shows how the best in people rose above the tragic events of that day. View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Negative. I was sitting in grade school, math class, when one of the octogenarians who passed for a comprehensive disseminator of information to our nation’s youth busted into our discussion of fractions to say the Challenger had blown up. Without the Internets in 1986 I had no way of really contextualizing what that moment meant until I went home and had it replayed for me later that day. Fast forward to 2001 and I was just getting into my lat routine in the very tiny country club workout room when the singular television in this 20′ x 20′ space filled with the announcement that some “˜tard had flown his tiny prop plane into the WTC. The news chopper CNN was using showed the image and, honestly, on television, it didn’t look bad. Economies of scale, I guess. It wasn’t until a few more minutes before the scope of what happened was realized: I watched the fast moving second plane slam into the side of the other WTC.

Is it too soon? Do we really need this movie? Can you really make an honest movie that doesn’t feel fabricated or false?

All these questions are valid but I think this is really a matter of whether this movie can be made well. If you can be respectful of the material, more power to Oliver and Co. The trailer gets some of the things right while, I think, in some areas plays too heavy on the schmaltz.

The opening is damn near requisite: you’ve got to have everyone waking up to a Folgers morning, everything crisp and in place. You’ve got the WTC delicately shown in the way way back in a shot of the New York skyline, you’ve got Nic Cage kissing his wife (Schmaltzy Moment # 1) while it’s still dark out, in their bed. I don’t about the rest of you married dudes but I usually don’t get a smiling wife first thing in the morning when I leave for work; I usually have to slide out of my bed like a ninja so I don’t wake her and am usually pushed away for a kiss in the morning because of my dragon breath.

I like that the voiceover for roll call at the NYPD is Nic doing his best to affect an accent that seems trapped between Brooklyn and The Jerky Boys. Kudos to the use of a fast moving shadow and the sound of a jet plane to establish the effect of how many would’ve come by the experience of what happened this day; the ZOOLANDER billboard in the background of one of the shots is oddly memorable.

We’ve already got the drama cranked up to a Lifetime Television level when Nic really pushes the moment as he and another popo are on their way to the WTC, Nic saying, “We’re prepared for everything (dramatic pause) Not this (another dramatic pause) not for something this size”¦There’s no plan”¦”

The violins are threatening to turn this trailer into something else besides a promotion for a movie and as Nic, at ground zero, asks for volunteers to go evacuate people the moment seems stuck as no one wants to volunteer and you’ve got a real cheesy thing happening when one guy does it and declares that he’ll do so and then another. Seems fabricated, not really in the realm of verisimilitude.

Cue Nic and a slo-mo moment as he yells “Run!” in that sort of John Rambo lip thing where it tries to be full of impact but looks like someone’s trying hard to evoke emotion out of me.

You’ve got Maria Bello sniffing the sheets of where her husband once slept (SM #2), you’ve got slo-mo of a mother hugging her daughter (SM #3) , you’ve got one of the trapped popo’s involved in a flashback with Maggie Gyllenhall as he’s spooning her and then as he’s writing I [heart] U on a piece of scrap paper (SM #4) and, again, what is being sold? Is it the idea of a dramatic piece or is it a truthful rendering of the events that transpired? I’m not quite sure but the marketing is all over the place on this and the tag line that “The world saw evil that day”¦Two men saw something else” is enough to make me scratch my head like an ape, wondering what in the hell they’re talking about.

If I was the teacher I would give it back and ask Oliver to work on it some more and give it back to me by next Monday because, as it stands, this is just not a very compelling trailer.

FLUSHED AWAY(2006) Director: Sam Fell, David Bowers
Cast: Kate Winslet, Hugh Jackman, Ian McKellen, Andy Serkis, Bill Nighy, Simon Callow, Shane Richie, Geoffrey Palmer, Jean Reno, Douglas Weston
Release: November 3, 2006
Synopsis: Roddy is a decidedly upper-crust “society rat” who makes his home in a posh Kensington flat, complete with two hamster butlers named Gilbert and Sullivan. When a common sewer rat named Syd comes spewing out of the sink and decides he’s hit the jackpot, Roddy schemes to rid himself of the pest by luring him into the “whirlpool.” Syd may be an ignorant slob, but he’s no fool, so it is Roddy who winds up being flushed away into the bustling sewer world of Ratropolis. There Roddy meets Rita, an enterprising scavenger who works the sewers in her faithful boat, the Jammy Dodger. Roddy immediately wants out, or rather, up; Rita wants to be paid for her trouble; and, speaking of trouble, the villainous Toad – who royally despises all rodents – wants them iced”¦literally. The Toad dispatches his two hapless hench-rats, Spike and Whitey, to get the job done. When they fail, the Toad has no choice but to send to France for his cousin – that dreaded mercenary, Le Frog. View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Negative. I’m just not feeling this.

I don’t know why I have such an aversion to this trailer but I don’t have a great affinity for rodents, not really endearing themselves to great connotations in the mind, and the trailer doesn’t grab your attention. It sort of meanders, plods and expects to just ease its way into establishing the premise but that’s not really good when it’s kids you want to hook. Sure, you’re going to get these little rugrats to come out en masse but if you can generate enough buzz what studio wouldn’t want more to come out and be repeat viewers?

When we begin I’m at a loss to really feel excited. Sure, Dreamworks put out that crap flick MADAGASCAR, did great guns with WALLACE AND GROMIT, put out tripe in SHARKTALE, has done well for itself with OVER THE HEDGE but for all the great animated films they’ve put out they’ve been accompanied by solid trailers; they excite when they should, they get in get out and get on with it and they leave you thinking that even though you’re an adult you would like to see that.

I don’t get that here.

I am confounded as to why we start so damn slow. Yes, we have to establish that this rodent gets the rule of the roost but when I am rapping my fingers a third a way into this preview because I am wondering why I’m watching a rat play polo, have a bath and dress himself in a tuxedo that’s not a good thing.

What is a good thing, though, that I can say is when Syd, the dirty mischief maker of the rat-a-tat-tat duo, appears I am pleased because this where we get the first notion that this is a movie for kids: we get some spirited belching. A lot of belching. A lot. Not only do we get sound effects but we get a green puff of belch with every booming punch into the sound field.

The toilet humor keeps going, the very things that kids and adults can agree upon, with our uppity rat trying to flush Syd down the pipes under the rouse of the Porcelain God being a fandangled Jacuzzi of sorts and ends up in a place called, appropriately enough, Ratropolis.

One of the things that confound me is that this is supposed to be a trailer, not a teaser. The crux of what seems to be my biggest complaint of all is that our well-to-do rat ends up coming down into this place that looks like a mash-up of Times Square and Piccadilly Circus but we don’t get any context of this new land. This rat even lands in the “vehicle” of who, ostensibly, is a girl rat who will probably be some kind of love interest but no one says anything for the rest of the trailer.

There has got to be more here but I cannot explain why we’re not shown more than we are. Yes, this film is not coming out until the end of this year but I’ve been teased better than I’ve been trailer-ed in this advertisement.

YOU, ME AND DUPREE(2006) Director: Anthony Russo, Joe Russo
Cast: Owen Wilson, Matt Dillon, Kate Hudson, Michael Douglas
Release: July 14, 2006
Synopsis: The story of a newlywed couple (Hudson, Dillon) whose relationship problems boil over when the groom’s unemployed best man, Dupree (Wilson), moves in with them for a brief period and seems to have no intention of leaving. View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. So, I can relate to this.

Having a tenuous grasp on a job is just commonplace here where I live in the Southwest. Not only do I have to contend that since I live in a state that says either myself or my employer can terminate employment at any time for any reason (“Did I wear too much Aqua Velva today?” “Is the color of my Swatch watch going to be the beginning of the end for me?) I had a boss who once called me at home after the birth of my second child not only asking where I was but, after calling in to reiterate what was common knowledge, was given a lecture that even though my newborn was fragile his business interests were fragile and if I wanted a job I would recognize that. I didn’t stay there much longer. It is this reason that I can see why Owen “The Buttercup Stallion” Wilson would find himself in such a dire situation after being canned to attend Matt Dillion’s wedding. I don’t think I’d fall that fast, that quick, but this looks like a fun slip n’ slide ride at the theater.

The trailer, initially, goes through the motions of setting up the premise of the flick. Voiceover Guy does his due diligence in really hamming it up when we see the lush Hawaiian setting that is Matt Dillion and Kate “Overreact To Act” Hudson’s nuptials. You’ve got the word “perfect” tossed around here, there and everywhere before you almost feel you want to shout “I got it already!” before it moves on to establishing how Owen fits into this “perfect” situation.

Now, I wasn’t that plussed with STARSKY AND HUTCH and was marginally satisfied with his performance in THE WEDDING CRASHERS (It was really Vince’s movie to steal) so I am hopeful when Owen recounts what has happened to him since being canned for going to his buddy’s wedding. His protest to Dillion when asked if he’s living in his car is comedically rendered when he says he has a 10 speed and then gets hit by a car.

I think it’s important to state, however, that after we’re rushed to the moment when Hudson is told that Wilson is going to move into their house for a few nights, knowing full well that this wouldn’t be a movie if it were just for a few nights, it is Wilson’s holding of a mounted moose head as he thanks her which I think is a nice, humorous touch.

It is Wilson’s movie, though, as Dillion seems to just be the straight man in this vehicle and the gags keep coming when Owen barges into the room where a love is about to be made, sending Kate barreling onto the floor in surprise as Owen chants that the toilet downstairs is “on the fritz” and then follows that up with opening the bathroom door whilst on the bowl saying, “We’re going to need some matches.”

And, the capper, involves Wilson placing a tie on the doorknob of Dillion’s house as Kate, incredulous, ignores it and lets herself in the front door only to scream, leave, and then announce, “That butter dish was a wedding gift, Carl.”

It’s not as wild as Dillion’s THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY and it feels little more tame than MEET THE PARENTS but I think this movie will do well with the middle-of-the-road audience and, I would assert, means some nice profits to come.

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June 1, 2006

International Intrigue

Filed under: International Intrigue — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:45 pm

June 1, 2006

The International Intrigue hiatus is officially over. I donÂ’t know how you went about watching any foreign films at all in the past couple of weeks. DonÂ’t worry, IÂ’ve returned to guide you through the murky waters of languages not quite our own.

But in the interest of easing back in, IÂ’ve just got one single solitary review for you (regulars will know that oftentimes I have many). So I dedicate this still not-all-that-short column to the Â“I love your column but it takes me all week to read itÂ” crowd.

TYPHOON

Director Kwak Kyung-Taek found enormous success in Korea in 2001 with his film FRIEND which is still one of the countryÂ’s highest grossing films. And heÂ’s been trying to regain that success ever since. He directed two more films CHAMPION and MUTT BOY, fairly well regarded efforts but neither of which struck the chord with people that FRIEND did. But TYPHOON is the most high profile film heÂ’s ever done and is a clear attempt at mainstream success.

The film centers on Sin (Jang Dong-gun), who as a child attempted to defect from North Korea with his family. But due to bureaucracy they were denied. Ultimately, his whole family was killed except for himself and his sister Choi Myeong Ju (Lee Mi-Yeon). But they were eventually separated. He ended up as some sort of indentured child worker in Thailand and she ended up as a prostitute in Russia.

Subsequently, the film takes place not only in Korea but also in Thailand and Russia, making it a complex mix of languages (that you probably wonÂ’t even notice unless you can tell them apart by hearing them). And thereÂ’s even some heavily accented English thatÂ’ll make you wish they kept the subtitles going. But the exotic scenery is at least of interest and gives the film a worldliness and visual panache.

But cut to the current day and Sin is a pretty hot tattooed pirate. But a pirate who is full of anger and bitterness and bent on destruction of the two Koreas that made him so miserable. Thanks to the US breaking some Nuclear treaties, now he has his chance.

Trying to catch up with SinÂ’s truly complicated plan is Kang Se-jong (Lee Jung-jae), a South Korean agent. Kang is always one step behind until he finds SinÂ’s sister first and then tables are turned. The cat and mouse game eventually leads up to the climactic attempted realization of SinÂ’s grand plan (which relies heavily on the chance arrival of a typhoon) and a massive showdown on the high seas.

The film stars Jang Dong-gun, an actor that Kwak pretty much made into a celebrity with FRIEND, and who had gone on to even more success in the huge Korean blockbuster TAEGUKGI and the very high profile Chinese production THE PROMISE. But the poor guy, who was already forced to speak Mandarin in THE PROMISE and Japanese in 2009: LOST MEMORIES, is once again subjected to languages he doesnÂ’t know and valiantly attempts tackle Thai and Russian (and if I recall correctly, a bit of English). When will they stop doing this to this guy?

The film also stars Lee Jung-jae (IL MARE). He brings real empathy to a pretty one dimensional role. And LeeÂ’s down note, duty bound agent is a good counterpoint to JangÂ’s more outrageous, angry pirate (full with Jang doing his bulging eyes thing, which made a memorable debut in TAEGUKGI). In fact, both the actors are rather good in the film.

This kind of cast and director in a big North versus South action picture with the biggest budget to date in Korea is about as sure a bet as one can get there. It was bound to make money and it did. Too bad they made the most American of mistakes and neglected to put all this effort into a worthy screenplay.

As you probably gathered from my summary, the story is just outright confusing. Even though we tediously follow Sin through every step of his plan, it never really begins to make any logical sense. He gets the US nuclear something or other but thatÂ’s not what heÂ’s using, heÂ’s trading it for something or other. And why are there two typhoons? The film works best in the honestly emotional scenes between Sin, his sister and the Korean agent. Also, the most affecting scene of the film is easily the flashback to SinÂ’s childhood. But the actual thrills and intrigue tend to bog the story down.

On the plus side, the film is well made. Like a lot of top notch Korean films, the cinematography was good and the sound was good for a foreign film (Korean films often have some of the best sound youÂ’ll find outside of Hollywood). Even the effects are fine. And I really liked the score even though some might find it heavy handed. But in the end it comes down to the story. And itÂ’s just not there.

At least the themes are there, but theyÂ’re nothing new. It is ballsy making the South Koreans the bad guys in the way they do. ItÂ’s easy to empathize with Sin as a victim of diplomacy. He never would have tried to destroy the country if the South Koreans didnÂ’t treat him so horribly by denying his family entry. ItÂ’s the South Koreans who made him who he is, not the North. But in a way heÂ’s a martyr to a greater cause (is one family too much a price to pay for the possibility of peace?). But TAEGUKGI and SILMIDO tread some of the same ground, inferring that the North wasnÂ’t entirely to blame and that the South shares some blame as well.

The US aspect of the film is interesting and something different. As it is now, the movie seems to indicate that if the US never got involved (by shipping illegal nuclear something or other) then there would be no catalyst for North Korean revenge. But from a Western point of view, the film would have been more potent if the Americans had caused the original offense instead of the South Koreans. Just this week, documents were uncovered alleging that Americans did shoot refugees (or at least were told to). But these kinds of big budget South Korean films are really about the North-South divide, not AmericaÂ’s place in it.

The relative mediocrity of this film makes me wonder if the golden age of really fantastic action films that delve deep into the question of the North-South Korean divide have run their course. Is there anything left to say? Any angle left to explore?

TYPHOON is being released tomorrow (June 2nd) by Paramount Classics as the Â“DirectorÂ’s International CutÂ”. IÂ’ve heard some negative things about the original Korean cut of the movie but I donÂ’t actually know what the differences are. But from my estimation, this one doesnÂ’t seem to be all that better. Yet, in the end, itÂ’s a pretty enjoyable romp and not a complete waste of time. ThatÂ’s the backhanded compliment I have for you TYPHOON…

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May 31, 2006

Music for the Masses

Filed under: Music for the Masses — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:48 pm

May 31st, 2006

By M.C. Bell

Welcome back, friends! Hope you’re all doing well. Me? I’m doing great and thanks for asking. But I gotta tell you, like many of you out there, I am still recovering from that emotional roller coaster ride that ended last week. I mean, whoa. . .I’m tearing up just thinking about it. How cool, nay, how inspiring was it to see a mentally retarded young man chase his dreams and reach the pinnacle of success? That’s a rhetorical question, of course, because it was damn cool. Damn inspiring. So, before we go any further, let’s give a shout out to this amazing young man. That’s right, Soul Patrol, give it up for our boy, Taylor “Corky” Hicks! WHOOOO!!!! High five!!!

DEE DE DEEEE!!!

In fact, friends, I found Taylor’s story so inspiring, I, too, began the quest to fulfill my secret dream. No, not the one where I’m the “pants-less” warden of an all-female prison, the other one. . .where I’m a popular singer. Now, unlike Taylor, I fancy myself to be more of a country crooner and the whole “M.C.” thing didn’t fit. So the first thing I had to do was to come up with a catchy, country-sounding “stage name.” Then, of course, I actually had to learn HOW to sing. THAT was the tough part. But, after many months of study and practice, all my hard work has paid off and I am finally ready to release my first album. So, friends, as you head out to the record store to pick up Taylor’s new disc, Grey-Haired Palms, grab yourself a copy of my new album. . .

And yes, ladies. . .I AM single.

Oh yeah, that reminds me. Some other people released some new discs that you might be interested in, as well. For instance, there’s a new album from an old friend, Jack White, plus a couple of cool, little releases from Rookie of the Year and the Ditty Bops. So, what do you say? Let’s have a listen, eh?

Artist: Raconteurs
Album: Broken Toy Soldiers
Bastard Love Child of: White Stripes and the Traveling Wilburys.
Best for: Understanding that a raconteur is a person who is good at telling stories.

Hinkley High School Chess Club, 1998

It’s not uncommon for a White Stripe fan to wonder what their band would sound like with the addition of a bass player. In fact, some fans, like Redd Kross’ bass player Steve McDonald, went one step further and actually dropped bass lines all over the Stripes’ White Blood Cells. . .to umm, mixed reviews. Well, fans, wonder no more. . .sorta. You see, Jack White, the creepy-looking, fashion-challenged guitar virtuoso, has temporarily dumped his sister/mother/secret lover/drummer/bandmate, Meg White, to join forces with a couple of his other buddies; namely guitarist Brendan Benson and the entire rhythm section of the Cincinnati rock band, the Greenhornes (bassist Jack Lawrence and drummer Patrick Keeler). And let me be the first to tell you, folks, together, as the Raconteurs, White and friends have crafted music that is much sweeter and more pop-oriented than anything the White Stripes or the Greenhornes ever produced on their own.

I attribute this new found “sweetness” to the exceptional harmonizing between White and Benson, who share guitar and vocal leads on the disc, as well. The dual vocals here are a nice touch and add impressive depth and variety to many of the tracks to ensure repeated listenings. Now, admittedly, there is nothing on this tight little album, whose 10 songs clock in at a brisk 34 minutes, as insanely catchy as the groups first single, “Steady As She Goes.” So be forewarned. The other tracks have ample hooks, both lyrically and musically, but it will take a few trips through the disc to really get you warmed up. Also, if you are simply looking for a “new” White Stripes disc with some different, and freakier looking players, keep looking. The only song on Broken Toy Soldiers that even comes close to sounding like a Stripes song is the title track. Backed by crunchy, Middle Eastern-style guitar drones and crisp drumming, White’s tortured falsetto will bring to mind the last Stripes album, Get Behind Me Satan. But that’s as close as you’re going to get to White Stripes goodness. I would recommend going into this album thinking “Traveling Wilburys-lite.” And no, that’s not a bad thing.

Additionally, if you are a fan of White’s riffing and solo bursts, you are going to have to dig deep into the disc to find them. The only two songs here that really allow Jack to flex any guitar muscle come late in the disc with “Store Bought Bones,” a tough sounding, prog-rock epic that is equal parts Deep Purple and Zeppelin and the album closer, “Blue Veins,” a bluesy, whiskey-soaked ballad choke full of White’s “alt-blues” chops.

It’s highly likely that this album will stand as a one-shot wonder, so enjoy it while it lasts. Consider it a half hour well spent.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Artist: Rookie of the Year
Album: The Goodnight Moon
Bastard Love Child of: Jimmy Eat World and Yellowcard.
Best for: Gazing at your shoes while waiting for the fries to cook.

So. . .do you kids like emo music? Do bands like Copeland, Jimmy Eat World, Death Cab for Cutie and The Juliana Theory make your pimples tingle? Well, my friends, do I have a band for you. Their name? Rookie of the Year.

Rookie of the Year. . .helping to make “comb-overs” cool since 2004.

Now, in all fairness, I’ve had this disc sitting on my desk for almost two months, but, after a cursory pass, I never gave it a second thought. That was a mistake!! Kinda like that one time I went to a Melissa Etheridge concert to meet chicks. Luckily, though, I got a second chance at this band as they rolled through Denver with another phenomenal (and underrated) band, MuteMath. I’ll tell you right now, with the energy of the live show and the immediate accessibility of the music, color me impressed. Of course, I’m not saying that Rookie of the Year’s music is breaking down barriers or re-defining emo. Far from it. But screw it. . .these guys know how to play to their strengths and they do the emo genre proud with heartfelt vocals and soaring harmonies, lush choruses and persistent, harmonic guitar leads. And really, fellow “shoe gazers,” what more could we ask for?

Rookie of the Year’s, The Goodnight Moon, is the first, full length disc from this North Carolina band and their first as a four-piece. You see, RotY (as the “cool” people like to call them) started life as the acoustic solo project of vocalist/guitarist Ryan Dunson. . .that’s him up there, second from the right. . .yeah, with the comb-over. However, Ryan soon realized that he would be better served with an actual band and recruited guitarist Mike Kamerman, bassist Pat Murphy and drummer TJ Holt. For good measure, he tossed in acclaimed indie producer, Ed Rose (The Get Up Kids), and ended up with a strong disc “filled to the brim” with well-written, thoughtful and catchy-as-all-hell pop tunes.

Emo Phillips. . .no relation to Emo genre.

The disc opens with “The Goodnight Moon,” an ambient track whose slow build bleeds seamlessly into the first “real” song, “Poison Like Your Own.” It’s with this track that the listener gets their first taste of Dunson’s dynamic and yearning vocals. It’s also the listeners first taste of the un-inspired, sometimes clichÃ©d lyrics (“I’m drowning for your love. . .”), my only real knock to this band. Musically, though, the band provides numerous high points on this disc, dropping hook after hook with a nice blend of acoustic and electric guitars. My personal favorites are the slow waltz of “Silhouettes (All Eyes Above),” the finger snapping “Sign of Her Glory” and the slow burn of “The Blue Roses.” I will admit, the disc loses steam on the closing tracks as Ryan reverts back to a more solo-oriented, acoustic approach, but when the band is working together, they are truly something to behold.

The Goodnight Moon is a great, little “surprise” of a disc that is well suited to repeated listenings and new “favorites” emerge each time. If you are a fan of the emo scene, I highly recommend this disc. First and foremost, because it’s fantastic, secondly, these guys are some of the coolest musicians I have ever met. And hey, if you ever get a chance to see these guys live, do it, and after the show, be sure to ask them about how their van got towed at the Denver show. Good stuff.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Artist: The Ditty Bops
Album:
Moon Over The Freeway
Bastard Love Child of: Jenny Lewis and The Dresden Dolls
Best for: Background music as you get dressed in your Dr. Frank-N-furter costume for the midnight showing of Rocky Horror.

Sometimes, I secretly wish I was a bike seat.

It’s hard to believe, but The Ditty Bops (the smoking hot duo of former model Amanda Barrett and tomboy hottie, Abby Dewald), with their eclectic musical combination of folk, ragtime, pop, jugband, country swing, jazz and alternative, have created the musical equivalent of a puppy. I mean, good lord. . .this is the cutest, most adorable music you will ever hear and I don’t care how big of a cynical bastard or bitch you may be, it’s going to bring a smile to your face. . .guarenteed.

Does that mean that the music is childish and silly? Hardly. You see, under the “cute” veneer lurks a couple of accomplished musicians and brilliant vocalists who are as comfortable wielding dulcimers, toy pianos and accordions as they are mandolins, banjos and acoustic guitars. In fact, Moon Over The Freeway, the second disc from the L.A. duo, is actually a mature and sophisticated album that readily shows that the girls have actually grown in confidence and musical prowess from their first outing.

That being said, I’ll admit that it’s easy to lose site of the “maturity and sophistication” amongst the odd instrumentation which, at times, sounds too whimsical to have any substance. But keep digging and you’ll quickly realize that the unique instrumentation and throw-back sound, although extremely prominent, are not meant to be the focal point of the girls sound. On the contrary, over the course of any given track, the music becomes unobtrusive and serves as the perfect counterpoint for the girls beautiful voices as they weave around one another and blend together to mesmerizing effect.

Personally, every track on this disc is a winner, but my personal favorites are “Your Head’s Too Big,” with the brilliant line “Your head’s so big and tall how is it that your thoughts are so small” and “Waking Up In The City,” which features the following lyric: “We’ll frolic in the pesticide grass underneath the smog/Don’t gotta worry ’bout bee stings!/Don’t gotta worry ’bout ants!”

If you are looking for a true, alternative experience, pick up this disc. Or hell, catch the girls on one of their many stops as they peddle across the country on their bikes to promote the new album. Good stuff all the way around and you won’t be disappointed.

Rating: 4 out of 5

PEARL JAM FANS STRIKE BACK. . .UMM, SORTA.

As promised, here are the only, two Pearl Jam-related letters that I received that didn’t just call me a douche bag. By the way. . .what the hell is a douche bag? Is there really such a thing and is it even bad? Ladies. . .why do you put them in a bag? Are you saving them? Wouldn’t it be easier to just throw them away? And, most importantly, why did 5, separate emails each start out with “You are a douche bag?” Is this some kind of agreed upon, “secret” Pearl Jam put down? Seriously. Pretty weird shit. At any rate, here are a couple of really cool Pearl Jam fans:

Leo Lucky writes:

I have to say you just made me a life-long fan of anything you write with that column – and I mean the whole thing, even though I’m writing in about the PJ piece. Seriously, keep that shit up and don’t ever change.

And now for the riot act (note: this letter will be filled with these half-veiled PJ references, so look out). I first saw the band open up for the Chili Peppers back in 90 at a place in Dallas called The Basement (which, alas, no longer exists). I was quite impressed by this loud, angry, rocking sound and the little guy up front who was jumping all over the place. By the time Evenflo came out (it was a slow burn, if you remember), I had my friends anticipating them at the first EdgeFest (it was actually an Earth Day concert, I think) again in Dallas my senior year of high school (1992). They rocked the joint so hard that no one even stayed for the headliner, Dramarama (“˜member them?).

And then they hit. We all know the rest of the story.

But let’s talk about me. In the time between Versus (originally titled “˜Five Against the World’) and the misstep that was Vitology, I had collected 20 or so PJ bootlegs, every single import, single, vinyl, and still to this day have magazine articles and Rolling Stone covers from that period. This was MY band. I discovered them. They belonged to me. This was literally true among my circle of friends, and back then they were hard-driving gods of rock and roll whose live performances were epic religious experiences for me. I was a front-row fan all the way, completely enthralled in a state of love and trust. I have a DirtyFrank T-Shirt, for crying out loud. I apologized for Vitology, Eddie’s marbles, and the fact that they were so into PETA (rats have rights? You’ve got to be kidding me). By the time No Code was said and done, I stopped apologizing. I think even I could feel the slippage. And Vedder had stopped jumping around on everything. He actually kicked me in the hand once at Lollapalooza 92 when he swung out over the crown on a rope ladder. Think THAT didn’t pump me up? WOW! But lately he just kind of stands there bouncing his bob up and down and making slurred, mumbled, hopefully ironic statements about the government. The band’s evolution has just made this fan extinct.

(Whew) All that being said, I actually think Binaural and Yield are great discs, though they rarely capture the might of the first two discs. I bought the last one but only listened to it once (can’t even remember the name or bring myself to do enough research to find it) because it sucked and I wasn’t in the mood to listen to some old fart (Vedder’s in his 40s) bitch and moan about things he really was ignorant on anyway. Yes, the rest of the band is extremely talented, but Eddie decided to stop really using his voice sometime before Yield. Gone is that super-scream that had me going so much back in the grunge days. In its place is something weak. Why go home? Cause it just ain’t what it used to be, and it’s a damn shame when it happens. Metallica is going through it right now, and it’s freaking painful to listen to.

Now, I still haven’t missed one of their tours, and they still put on a fantastic show (the way Black rolls out in a live performance is subtle, amazing, and gets more and more interesting as the years go by), but seeing as they’re not coming anywhere within a 4 hour drive of Dallas this year I won’t be seeing them. Can’t say I’m all that upset. I grew out of defending them a long time ago, and think Vedder’s just a little silly nowadays. That there are still guys out there that will is pathetic, but to each their own – after all, I’ll write you a dissertation on Supergrass any day.

Until then, here’s me not buying that avocado-laden self-titled offering. Don’t call me, daughter. I just can’t be bothered.

Great column, man.

Thanks, Leo Lucky

And this one from Andrew Waldner:

Hello there Mr. Bell, just responding to your call on Pearl Jam fans.

Actually, I have no rebuttal. I have no idea why you think Pearl Jam fans are any more obsessed with defending their band from criticism than other bands’ fans are. Yes we’re a strange cult that there really is no explanation for. And of course I love the band, I’m crazy obsessed with them, to the point I love their last two albums when most of the world barely noticed them. I also admit they have little humor and not everyone’s going to appreciate that. Is there some reason youre entire review was a personal attack? Sure, hate their seriousness, hate their views, but next time try to write a review on the music, not on your own personal feelings.

Oh, I agree about the new Chili Peppers CD, they really did a fantastic job bringing all their talents onto this one. Although I have to disagree about “Dani California,” I just don’t get anything from it. I think other songs on the album would have been such better lead singles, and it pales in comparison to previous ones like “By the Way.”

Andrew

Thanks for writing in, gentlemen, and even more importantly, thanks for reading.

Well, friends, that is going to do it for this week. So, until next time, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!

Send marriage proposals, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:

M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001

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May 29, 2006

Spook’d – #79

Filed under: Spook'd — UncaScroogeMcD @ 11:22 am

by Jeffery Stevenson and Seth Damoose with colors by Anthony Lee

Check out the preview for Task Force 1 (from Image Comics).

Full Size Comic

Beginning of Current Story | Previous Story

To see Spook’d host Alastor’s blogging silliness and more fun Spook’d stuff,

visit the Spook’d Web site!

Beginning of Current Story | Previous Strip

Check out the preview to…

E-MAIL WRITER | ABOUT JEFF | ABOUT SETH | SPOOK’D BLOG |
SPOOK’D FORUM |
ARCHIVES

Disclaimer: All material in Spook’d is fictitious and intended solely for the purpose of entertainment. Names are fabricated and any similarity to real people or places is purely coincidental except in those cases where public figures are being satirized.

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May 26, 2006

Trailer Park: The Game Is Afoot

Filed under: Trailer Park — admin @ 9:03 pm

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR | By Christopher Stipp

May 26, 2006

The Game Is Afoot

Um, yeah, MySpace. It’s teh awesome and I’m not even using it to pick up 12 year-olds. Boys. I’m not. For reals.

The summer movie season has begun but the notion of whether it has started real well depends on whether you like to play with your numbers in an optimistic or pessimisttic way. Let’s break down the top 5 films this week at the box office:

The Da Vinci Code: $77,000,000 Budget: $125 Million

Over the Hedge: $37,228,000 Budget: ?

Mission: Impossible III: $11,015,000 Budget: $150 Million

Poseidon: $9,200,000 Budget: $160 Million

RV: $5,100,000 Budget: $50 Million

Now, for those who don’t want to go look for cummulative totals I can tell you that Mission: Impossible still has a good way to go before it hits the 0 mark, the prospect of DVD sales being Paramount’s one salve on the wound that their batshit crazy mouthpiece for the film may have wounded sales just a little bit. I am sure that foriegn audiences will more than help out making the film a profitable venture for the studio but, when compared to POSEIDON’s digits you can certainly see how this is a tougher pill to swallow.

The interesting thing when you compare a movie like THE DA VINCI CODE and POSEIDON is that both of them both received pretty awful reviews. Nay, I say, pretty disasterous reviews. When you see that that both of these flicks came within 4% of one another for an aggregate number of all reviews that either said it was good (which they’re not) or it was bad (which they are and some got very creative with how they put it). So, why the disconnect between DA VINCI’s obvious bulletproofness and POSEIDON’s eventual sinking to the bottom of people’s Must Avoid list? I can’t say for sure as most every single summer movie is constructed with the idea of maximizing company’s coffers and being appealing to the widest audience possible which means diluting the creativity of a project until it reaches a milquetoast consistency from its script to its eventual casting and direction. It’s not a bad thing, mind you, as every company deserves to make as much dinero as it can get its evil little fingers on but I am confounded why one obviously resonated with audiences and the other did not.

I wouldn’t dare go to a film where most every person whose opinions I valued said was a waste of my money but I’m feeling that it was Hanks’ appearance alone that made so many people scoff at critics and willingly open their collective wallets. POSEIDON had no real bankable stars besides Golden Oldies Kurt Russell and Richard Dreyfuss and maybe that’s it, maybe that’s how you can literally make any movie you want, no matter how terrible, and as long as you have someone who can simply show up and make millions of dollars appear right before your corporation’s eyes it could all boil down to not how well your movie’s made but who you’ve got in it.

Could Occam’s Razor theory really that applicable to films? If I was looking just weeks into the Summer movie season I would answer “Yes” simply based on what the trends look like. I am sure that if I really looked hard I could find out if this is a viable notion but next week is already upon us and X-MEN 3 is knocking at the Box Office door wanting to know what a marginal director and a cast of marginally well-received actors can expect from people’s bank accounts.

I’ve already got my slide rule at the ready.

And in this installment of Photo of the Week we get a little sporty with what is, ostensibly, my new wallpaper on the trusty iBook G4; Michael Barrett, catcher of the Chicago Cubs, takes issue with Chicago White Sox’s AJ Pierz-Zzz-something-ski or another. Be it right or not this is what makes being a Superfan of the downtrodden Cubs a nice thing. I may love my movies but I do loves me a good bar fight every once in a while on the field especially one that we start, and win. Remember kids, violence is never the answer but when you’re having your jaw pushed back into your face it’s kinda hard to be asking the question in the first place, isn’t it?

12 AND HOLDING (2005) Director: Michael Cuesta
Cast: Linus Roache, Annabella Sciorra, Jeremy Renner, Jayne Atkinson, Marcia Debonis
Release: May 19, 2006
Synopsis: Explores the complexities of children losing their innocence and adults struggling to guide them. In the suburbs of America, three close knit 12-year-olds Ã± introverted Jacob (Conor Donovan), precocious Malee (Zoe Weizenbaum) and vulnerable Leonard (Jesse Camacho) – start down the path of self-discovery. View Trailer:
* Medium (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. This one is a head scratcher.

You don’t really want to desperately see this movie like you would a SUPERMAN when you see Routh milling around in his tight red Speedo briefs but you feel a certain uneasiness when you try and grasp exactly what it is that’s happening, I’m not sure I do know, though, what it is that I am supposed to be identifying with, a key component in any good grab for one’s attention or cash, but I like it; I appreciate the sentiment that I’m not entirely comfortable by trailer’s end.

While I know that this is not going to be a gleeful romp through this coming-of-age tale you’re instantly drawn into what seems like a rather poignant set-up: identical twins who don’t share much in common and who have a troubled time relating to one another.

We have our collective attention switched to two friends of the twins, one who happens to be fat; and I can’t understand why there needs to always be the fat friend in movies with kids. You need to look no further than most every kid movie and see where there is an obvious chunky collective at work here. I’m not saying it’s as organized as, let’s say, the mafia but there is something afoot. Of course the fat kid is eating in the first scene we’re shown and I am floored by the other friend’s declaration, who happens to be female, that she is now able to be with, and care for, a child.

(Insert surprise here)

This is not going to be Disney’s THE SANDLOT.

So, the quad squad gets themselves a tree house, get into a little tiff with what seems like an ornery kid of East Coast dialect (I mean, really, aren’t all kids with New Yawk accents just thieves-in-training?) threatens to kill one, or all as these East Coasters are just murderous little shiats, and then ends up accidentally killing one of the twins.

The bleakness and quiet that the next moment inspires of seeing the blanketed coffin is disquieting.

After we move on from the death we get an odd theme of sexual awakening by the girl in the trio and then rage by the single twin who confronts the alleged killer while in prison; sex and violence, I guess, like a two birds and a feather. The violence takes the next step as the girl produces something off screen while in a room with the dejected brother but I think we all can safely say it’s a heater of some caliber.

The subsequent montage of clips that don’t really have any adhesion outside of just giving us more opportunities to see these kids’ environment is actually useful here. It’s good for three reasons: 1) The soundtrack is inspired. A modern “Don’t Fear The Reaper” fits in a macabre way. 2) The quotes that this movie has garnered are solid, the film festival locations this has played at are pimped quickly. 3) We actually get an abstract way of relating to these kids’ world. The clips are effective at relaying movement and emotion.

I’m not comfortable when we finally finish things here but that’s commendable. I shouldn’t be after seeing how complex things will get in this flick as Cuesta’s L.I.E. wasn’t a smooth pill to swallow so I shouldn’t be expecting anything less than a story that’s uniquely his own to tell.

CASINO ROYALE (2006) Director: Martin Campbell
Cast: Daniel Craig, Judi Dench
Release: November 17, 2006
Synopsis: James Bond must thwart a dangerous Russian spy from winning a game of cards worth millions. View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Positive. Yes.

This is what this franchise needed.

I don’t purport to know Bond lore any more than I have a handle on the Harry Potter series; it’s not much, I don’t have any interest knowing more than I do and, most importantly, I’m just here for the ride.

However, knowing what I do about 007 and the enduring iconoclast symbol he represents for British folk, as he shatters the notion of all Brits having teeth that could pop open deadbolts and bodies that are pastier than white paint, this is exactly what I’ve come to expect from this kind of film: guns, explosions, chicks who have no other purpose than to be objectified by a Cro-Magnon throwback and fast cars.

And, to wit, give it up for the sly entrance into this trailer. Instead of going the route of blazing through the aforementioned delicious bits that make every Bond film a variation on a theme we get Judi Dench doing the voiceover. Now, even though I had to look up whether her perennial character was named M or Q, again, I don’t have a firm grasp on these things, it’s quite moot because of how wonderfully this thing opens up.

“This may be too much for a blunt instrument to understand”¦”

I like the mystique that’s being created with the initial black and white scenes that we’re given. Sure, we could have been given that distinctive 007 instrumental suite with Craig walking before shooting the screen with that lame ass blood effect, a calling card that really should be revamped. No, we get something different. The voiceover that Dench does is actually pretty good as, unbeknownst to the dudes who are drawn to these films, it subverts in its own way the established masculine overtones these films are unquestionably all about.

Craig, in slow-mo, beats down dudes in hand-to-hand combat whilst being a patient listener to Dench’s assessment of the kind of operative a 00 should be.

“I understand that 00’s have a very short life expectancy.”

Yes, Craig has it. He’s got that ability to be glib and smarmy while being flirtatious. He’s also has that look of dangerousness. It’s there and as the trailer transitions from black and white to color you see that he’s everything that a disposable Bond should be.

I do have to suffer through the animation of Craig “shooting” the camera but as it’s a device used to accentuate the transition, much like SIN CITY used red in it its initial trailer, and this is where we move from just meeting Craig to seeing him move within the character.

Now, we don’t see a lot of stability for the duration of this teaser but that’s just the nature of these things; especially because people want to get whetted for what’s to come this piece of promotion has to just hint. With the elaborate action sequences shown, the car that will be Craig’s little coupe and the lingering gaze we’re allowed to spend on some faceless woman getting out of the water in a bathing suit I would say this is more than just a satisfactory teaser.

DISTRICT B13 (2006) Director: Pierre Morel
Cast: Cyril Raffaelli, David Belle, Tony D’amario, Bibi Naceri, Dany Verissimo
Release: June 2, 2006
Synopsis: Paris, 2010. An isolation wall surrounds the ghetto cities. Damien is a member of the police elite task force. This time, the government has assigned him the most extreme expedition of his entire career: a weapon of mass destruction has been stolen by the most powerful gang of District B13. View Trailer:
* Medium (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Postive. Excellent concept but wretched execution.

I would like to think trailers like this serve a purpose beyond just pimping their own films, These are little examples by which to observe and take away little bits of ideas, ways of doing things. Much like in the case for this trailer there is also the opportunity to state what isn’t such a good idea when trying to get people interested to make an effort to see your film.

The idea with the trailer, especially one that is making a voyage beyond its own little borders, is that you want to start people thinking that they have to see it, need to see it. When you use that faux computer screen with the green letters as icons you not only are saying that you still believe people are communicating in Dos and don’t have a basic understanding on how modern GUI interfaces have vastly improved since the Apple IIe but you’re also stating that this story takes place in 2010, thus, rendering your visualization of said computer screen a sad attempt at trying to seem technologically with it.

See, I don’t want to sound harsh as this trailer opens up solidly. You have the sound of a helicopter humming in the audio foreground as you peep the barbwired walls of desolate cement ghettos. Quickly you see that these aren’t desolate areas at all and are filled with many people. You do, though, get acquainted with the kind of police state, a heavily armed police state, that these people are living in.

Black screen, green computer letters: “Paris”¦2010″

The “ugh” begins as this “harsh” new reality reveals that the streets are run by the rejects from THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS. Driving souped up Yugo’s and the like it appears to be that the gangs who control what happens are about to come into possession of a nuclear weapon.

Now, the cinematography harkens back to the salad days of the first TRANSPORTER and I’m not disappointed to know that the story is explained even further by our green screen companion that “the lone cop”¦that is sent to stop them”¦” establishes our protagonist.

I’m confused.

At first I thought we were dealing with just these little gangs in post-apocalyptic France but now we’ve got a French Jason Statham getting buck wild with these perps. I get ready to go absolutely monkey shines on this concept but something quite important changes my mind: we get another protagonist thrown into the mix.

Instead of just one Jason Statham we get two. Not only that but these guys are acrobatic on the level of a Tony Jaa mixed in with those dudes who did those leaping commercials for Nike a couple of years ago; they were French I believe, as well.

The end result has me eating all sorts of crow about how goofy this was getting. The stunts here are just a joy to watch as you try and figure out the logistics of a man running across the vertical faÃ§ade of a building. We get hipped to the fact that the producers of BOTH TRANSPORTER 2 and ONG-BAK have diddled with this story and like a connoisseur who can tell vintage from swill I feel vindicated by the knowledge that this movie has their kind of fingerprints on the screen.

I do, however, have advice for these people promoting the movie: getting it established early, the people behind this film, would be a good thing in stoking giddiness. If I didn’t know better I would’ve just rolled on to another trailer but I had to wait literally until this trailer was all done to find out what pedigree this film had.

Selling a foreign film is tough enough without having to make dumb mistakes like this but I would lose nearly the entire first half and just launch into the ass kicking and explosions. Sorry, but it’s the truth.

The last half of this trailer brims with excitement, passion, violence, martial arts and the hint that one could enjoy 90 minutes of this; I sure as shit would after seeing what these two dudes can do. It’s far too small of a world to be sitting on this kind of flick for just regional audiences to enjoy. I want to watch other countries’ ass kickers, too.

Count me in on this one but just clean up this trailer.

SUPERMAN RETURNS (2006) Director: Bryan Singer
Cast: Brandon Routh, Kevin Spacey, Kate Bosworth, James Marsden, Frank Langella, Parker Posey, Kal Penn, Eva Saint Marie, Sam Huntington
Release: June 30, 2006
Synopsis: Following a mysterious absence of several years, the Man of Steel comes back to Earth in the epic action-adventure Superman Returns, a soaring new chapter in the saga of one of the world’s most beloved superheroes. While an old enemy plots to render him powerless once and for all, Superman (Brandon Routh) faces the heartbreaking realization that the woman he loves, Lois Lane (Kate Bosworth), has moved on with her life. Or has she? Superman’s bittersweet return challenges him to bridge the distance between them while finding a place in a society that has learned to survive without him. In an attempt to protect the world he loves from cataclysmic destruction, Superman embarks on an epic journey of redemption that takes him from the depths of the ocean to the far reaches of outer space. View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Very Positive. I think it’s my laissez faire attitude about X-MEN 3 that has something to do with my eagerness to see what else Singer has in store with SUPERMAN.

You cannot see this trailer and not feel like you’ve been given a mainline injection of adrenaline straight to your fanboy cortex.

What I liked about the teaser many months ago was that not only did it give you a really nice nugget or two about what Routh is going to do with the character but I would assert, more importantly, it gave Singer a chance to show off what he has done directorially with the property. How could you not feel a twinge of something when you see young Clark Kent leaping and bounding through the cornfields? How you could deny Singer’s passion when you see the wonderfully composed shot of awe struck citizens when you know exactly what it is that they’re all looking at?

With this trailer, then, it’s time to let the people see more. The days of GODZILLA-like secrecy about denying people the chance to see the goods before the movie comes out are thankfully long since gone and it is the opening shots, the turn of the century feeling you get, like when you see Fritz Lang’s METROPOLIS, that a deliberate decision was made to how SUPERMAN was going to come to life. It’s easy to just gloss over this issue but when you can tell that a director had some kind of passion driving them it’s comforting as it is exciting.

As Luthor breaches the Fortress of Solitude and demands to know everything about our man in the tight maroon Speedo with Routh hovering above earth, his cape is effortlessly flapping gently, the gauntlet is tossed down quickly about who and what this movie will be dealing with.

I am annoyed slightly, though, by the rehashing of the teaser trailer with Ma Kent taking over the voiceover duties, us having to endure the same damn leaping in the cornfields with it being topped off with the same moment I spoke of earlier with the populace standing at shocked attention.

I quickly forget this as we finally get some motion out of Superman. Singer’s biggest issue to contend with, one of many I guess, is making Routh’s flying appear to have weight. One of the issues with SPIDER MAN’s initial installment was that a good effort was made to make it appear that Peter Parker was bound to rules of physics and that if he’s going to defy gravity with his aerial acrobatics he better look like gravity wants his ass back on the ground.

From the initial impression here, sure, it looks like Superman navigates his flying within our world. Later, when Routh turns his body mid-flight his hair appropriately flaps and it’s little details like this that will make believers out of haters.

I don’t have much appreciation, though, for Jimmy Olsen as he looks cut out of a bad Superman comic book. He appears smarmy, too much of a doofus and kind of flat. As he tells Clark that Lois has moved on and had a kid I feel like that would’ve been a perfect time for Bizzaro to pop up and squeeze Jimmy’s little melon head like a grapefruit.

Sure, there’s a little sense of back lot fakery when Superman and Lois have their first real moment, the top of the roof looks like it’s a manufactured faÃ§ade which it most certainly is, but when the two of them fly off with one another it actually looks more realistic.

Luthor shows his bald head once more to do his thing and it just smells of greatness. There’s nothing like Spacey’s quiet craziness as he plays his role the way it should be played. Luthor, while apt at tossing out humorous lines, should be maniacal and given to rage, not like Gene Hackman’s buffoonery.

Oh, and Jimmy pops up again donning a bow tie and sweater. Seriously, where is Bizzaro and his head popping fetish? I know Superman is about having a nebbish secret identity but where does it state that he has to endure this geek’s nerdish vibe?

Anyway, Spacey comes back to get wild with Bosworth as his hostage and his screaming moment is pitch perfect as is Routh’s powerful landing on both feet which I think is actually one of the best shots in this trailer; you can sense the physicality, the weight and emotion of this character perfectly.

The other “best shot” in this trailer is the tearing apart of the airplane that is literally disintegrating as it hurdles towards the ground in flames. I am hopeful that this sequence really does challenge the notion that even though you use special effects you can show a man can fly and make it look more real than any of its predecessors.

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May 24, 2006

Addicted to Bad

Filed under: Addicted to Bad — UncaScroogeMcD @ 10:37 pm

By Patrick Keller

Dispirited

In the months leading up to its release, FINAL FANTASY: THE SPIRITS WITHIN, based on the long-running video game series, was hailed as a wonder of technological achievement. Reports surfaced that dozens of programmers spent more than a year animating just the lead character’s hair, while other sources claimed that the programmers took about three weeks to do the hair, and spent the rest of the year trying to look busy when anyone was looking. Regardless, with a four year development period, at a cost more than $130 million, FF arrived as the most ambitious video game adaptation ever created. Subsequently, when the film made an estimated -4 cents its opening weekend, a lot of hopes were dashed, not the least of which were those of little Billy Daniels, age six, who was forced to resign as Columbia Pictures’ Head Accountant.

What went wrong? Were audiences turned off by the director’s bold, innovative use of tedium as a central component of his action movie? Or was it the reviews from the likes of Gene Shalit (who called the film “a giant, steaming bag of mouse puke”), Kenneth Turan (“like a scenic tour through Hitler’s colon”), and Roger Ebert, who famously quipped that the film made him want to savagely beat a mime to death with his bare hands, just to feel alive inside again? (That summer’s string of brutal street mime deaths in the Chicago area were later proven to be a complete coincidence, and hilarious.)

That said, FINAL FANTASY is far from the worst-received video game adaptation ever to hit the screen. Many were quickly produced to cash in on fads, while others were so awful that they never even made it to production. Here are some of the worst of the worst…

CASTLEVANIA: A lone hero takes on the most horrific being ever to walk the earth, a timeless, evil creature, a destroyer of countless men. Long in development, the film actually stalled long before the release of FF when producers were unable to negotiate a reasonable fee for Cher’s likeness.

DONKEY KONG: Shortly after the “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” craze of the late 90s, Warner Bros. developed a game show where players attempted to answer a series of questions while an enraged ape threw barrels at them. The show was shelved in the United States over safety and animal rights concerns, but went on to be a huge success in Japan, where it goes by the name “Super Happy Bam-Bam Donkey Punch!”

SPIDER-MAN: THE MOVIE: THE GAME: THE MOVIE: Released direct-to-video, this film was actually just two solid hours of watching some kid (played by Kieran Culkin) attempt to beat this game, punctuated by surprisingly foul language that invokes, at various times, sex with animals, relatives, dead mimes, friends’ relatives, furniture, “the pan-roasted corpse of Pia Zadora,” Dickens characters, and even very small rocks. In one of the more pointless wastes of money in cinema history, producers actually commissioned their own version of “Spider-Man: The Movie: The Game” for the film.

MIKE TYSON’S PUNCH-OUT: Produced almost two decades after the original game hit the streets, this movie is little more than a video of a destitute Mike Tyson offering to beat up random strangers on the streets of Prague for money. Perhaps unsurprisingly, people get beat up regardless of their decision.

DIG DUG: Deviating considerably from the source material, apparently someone at Paramount thought that audiences desperately wanted to see a short, fat man (Danny DeVito) fight crime using a bicycle pump.

CONTRA: This little-seen documentary attempts to prove that President George H. W. Bush was involved in giving power-ups and extra lives to the Nicaraguan rebels.

BLADES OF STEEL: With no plot to speak of, this project went through dozens of scripts before producers realized that most of the original game’s appeal stemmed from getting into fights and hearing the occasional awkward, synthesized speech from the Nintendo. The resulting plot found a group of former boxers who are drafted by a failing hockey franchise owned by a tobacco company. The fight-prone players all get throat cancer and have to use electronic voice boxes. In an effort to be socially conscious, one of the boxers turns out to be a gay robot astronaut from the future.

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May 19, 2006

Trailer Park: Yeah, like that catchy GO-GO’s song goes…

Filed under: Trailer Park — admin @ 9:02 pm

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR | By Christopher Stipp

May 19, 2006

Yeah, like that catchy GO-GO’s song goes…

I’m shilling again for my spot on MySpace and I am getting closer and closer in talking about a writing project that doesn’t have anything to do with movies, trailers or flying nuns.

I’m on vacation this week…Yet here I am with more reviews for the lot of you still sticking around to read this. Which, judging by the sheer numbers of traffic, I would be better off reading this thing while people get on the 28 bus on their way into downtown Scottsdale.

However, with the very public announcement that Poop Shoot was being dipped in an acid bath and getting a much needed sprucing-up I am happy to see that there will be a new crop of readers who will be parking their eyes for a bit in this here space. I don’t know if they’ll stick around, mind you, new readers also means new opportunites for my writing to be rejected by an even bigger audience, or I’ll be an even bigger reason why people don’t seem to visit the site on a Friday, but for those who really have been consistent readers of this space it really is validation that there is still great things happening at this site and all we needed is a new coat of paint.

I cannot tell you how right Kevin was when he said that while it’s amusing to be standing on the red carpet or at interviews and for people to give a healthy chortle or guffaw as I say I work for a site called “Poop Shoot” I am pleased that the name change will help give an idea of who we are as a whole; it’s not that I was embarassed of reiterating my namesake whenever someone asked but, again, like Kevin said, Quick Stop Entertainment denotes imagery quite different as you play What’s-The-First-Thing-You-Think-Of game with publicists as you try and squeek out some time with some person who you all out there would enjoy reading about.

As more information comes out I hope to be here to be able and say how it affects what I do here but in the meantime I have my sights set on the Comi-Con in a couple of months and am busy making sure all of you get new content from me, like you’ve come to expect for nearly 2 1/2 years, every week. I am proud of what’s been built here and there’s only more good things to come.

STRANGERS WITH CANDY (2006) Director: Paul Dinello
Cast: Amy Sedaris, Stephen Colbert, Paul Dinello
Release: June 28, 2006
Synopsis: A prequel to the critically acclaimed series featuring Jerri Blank, a 46 year-old ex-junkie, ex-con who returns to high school in a bid to start her life over. View Trailer:
* Medium (Flash)

Prognosis: Hell No. I am officially out of touch with what people think is funny.

Sure, I loved Arrested Development, Da Ali G Show and other cancelled programming but I never understood about the funny factor when it came to Strangers With Candy. When Comedy Central ran this I was deep in their clutches with Upright Citizens Brigade, The Daily Show and South Park so I just tried to find the angle with what this show’s ethos was all about; I guess the answer was there all along: retardation and bad Tracy Ullman humor. These two elements, when mixed, made for a delightful mÃ©lange of idiocy and good ratings.

Now, I tried to give this trailer the benefit of time. I hadn’t heard anything from Amy Sedaris for a while and hearing that this movie was being made I figured there would be a chance for me to get introduced properly to this world.

I don’t want to be introduced anymore.

This trailer begins with what is intended to be a really funny premise: Jerri Blank needs to make the honor roll.

“Be prom queen!” our titular hero yells in hopeful auditory miscommunication.

“Make the honor roll,” our straight man quietly retorts.

Really. This is how it’s going to be? It sure is as the next lame mule joke about what Jerri’s IQ is does not go over well. “Pieces,” is her reply and it is not the right answer for a lot of reasons.

Following this little moment we go on with a montage of Jerri being herself in all her resplendent ickiness. We see her corn chip sized toenails, get a gander as she tries disgustingly to sex us up and then rides a broom in a cackle-induced hysteria that I don’t know to be afraid or laugh out of embarrassment.

From what I can take away from Steven Colbert, an overrated comedic talent judging by his reliance on his static, deadpan delivery style, his role is to be co-performing along with Amy as his one-liners and additions to Amy’s set-ups seem to be dependant on her reactions. It shouldn’t be this hard to be funny or to figure out why it is that other people find these things giggle-worthy but I can’t see it and the trailer does a miserable job in even letting the lay person in on the comedy.

Oh, and the last bit of Jerri’s mother telling her, while eating dinner with the family, that, “we don’t talk with food in our mouth,” and Amy’s “physical humor” as she empties the contents on her plate saying, “I don’t have food in my mouth”? If she was 12 I am sure the kids would love it. Seeing a grown woman do it in attempt to show how funny she can be is just sad.

DOWN IN THE VALLEY (2005) Director: David Jacobson
Cast: Edward Norton, Evan Rachel Wood, David Morse, Bruce Dern, Rory Culkin
Release: April, 2006 (Limited)
Synopsis: Set in the present-day San Fernando Valley, the project revolves around a delusional man who believes he’s a cowboy and the relationship that he starts with a rebellious young woman. View Trailer:
* Medium (QuickTime)

Prognosis: Make That Another No. Couldn’t Ed be making movies where he’s beating the hell out of himself or curbing some Neo-Nazis?

No? This is what I’m left with? Well, I can’t say that I’m all that pumped about a cowboy who hasn’t ever known anything more than the range of the South but I also can’t even muster enough joy on my femme side after seeing this trailer to even make this a recommended flick for chicks.

It starts out well enough, though. There is a light musical arrangement and a slow opening as Ed narrates the way he’d like to be under a sky full of stars, hear nothing but the wind and, possibly, out humping some sheep.

Evan Rachel comes off as a bitchy teen that needs to have her MySpace account taken away and defaced, along with everything else she no doubt takes for granted as she whines about how it sucks to be a disenfranchised young person. I’m not sure if this is trying to win me over to her character but she seems a little disillusioned with how life works. I hope when the tramp finally gets to the beach where she so defiantly tells her dad that’s where she’s going that the Zodiac is there, waiting.

It looks like I won’t be getting my wish as when Evan is fueling up at the local Unocal 76 Ed looks like he’s semi-working there, I don’t really know for sure as we go from him peeping a view at her possibly underage, glistening bodice to him throwing down his oil rag in mock disgust as he’s invited to the beach with this girl; I’m not sure of whether I’m supposed to be giving him a mental high-five or calling NBC’s Dateline and reporting this perv.

So, they’re at the beach and it’s like a scene from Real World: California when Jon, that lump of Branson backwater molded into a doughy form with a blonde-ish mullet, went to the beach in his Hulkamania t-shirt and cowboy boots. I don’t know if this a put-on or if I should feel endeared toward Ed.

Lo and behold, children, not only does Ed manage to start making out with Evan in the ocean but the chick puts out on the very same night. Obviously a whore and needing a good ass whooping of atomic proportions Ed decides to play the gentle pedo with his clap-trap about finding one’s self, believing in whatever, blah blah blah.

When the girl finally goes home (!) after her night of sexing and cavorting like a tramp her dad is there waiting, pissed, and understandably so. Even has this look of “What did I do?” as she runs into her room, her dad just being comfortable with pounding on the door once. Now, I have to call bullshiat on this one. If that were me I would have one of those Cops sized battering rams with accompanying riot helmets that have those hard plastic Samurai flaps on the back of it and put that bitch down with a few taser blasts to the temple. Does that happen here? Noooo”¦the chick ends up seeing Ed AGAIN and whines about her crap life.

Sure, there may be problems but when you’re trying to spin this movie as a romance and you’ve got Ed trying to “defend” her honor by being all cowboy with the dad it does a very poor job doing so.

The montage of the scenes of this film are a train wreck of discombobulation and mixed messages of underage copulation, family togetherness and the search for being true to one’s self.

I think I’ll just watch FIGHT CLUB and AMERICAN HISTORY X on cable.

THE DESCENT (2005) Director: Neil Marshall
Cast: Shauna Macdonald, Natalie Jackson Mendoza, Alex Reid, Saskia Mulder, MyAnna Buring, Nora-Jane Noone, Oliver Milburn, Molly Kayll
Release: August, 2006
Synopsis: After a tragic accident, six friends reunite for a caving expedition. Their adventure soon goes horribly wrong when a collapse traps them deep underground and they find themselves pursued by bloodthirsty creatures. As their friendships deteriorate, they find themselves in a desperate struggle to survive the creatures and each other. View Trailer:
* Large (AOL Player)

Prognosis: Okay…Now, This Makes Up For It. True story that begins with a question: Have any of you out there even been in complete darkness? Not the kind of stub-your-toe in the night kind of dark when you’ve really got to whiz because turning on a light would render your corneas into flaming orbs of pain but the kind of dark where there is no ambient light available. The wife and I went to Aillwee Cave in Ireland when we were there almost five years ago and the guides do this thing where they shut down all the lights while you’re already feeling claustrophobic and ask you to put your hand to your face. It is, perhaps, one of the most exhilarating, thrilling and disconcerting things you will ever experience.

Being in a cave is already kind of crazy, being in a cave with the likes of the ladies shown here, the beautiful kind that would NEVER do this if it weren’t for a movie, who you know are going to get picked off like Republican senators this fall, is just right for the kind of horror that’s being planned.

I like the opening of this thing. I really do. It’s so 80’s exploitative, again with the hot chicks cavorting and having a delicious time with being ladies on the loose in the woods, that I can’t help but laugh when their movable feast means spelunking in a dingy hole in the middle of nowhere.

Not only do we all know nothing good is going to come of this but when the one of them, we’ll say Hot Chick Who Is Only There Because It’s a Film, HCWIOTBIW for short, says that the only way out is through the annals of the naturally carved out tunnels you know fun is afoot.

I’m especially glad when, oh my stars and garters, one of them gets stuck in a rather tight hole. Internet pervs rejoice that you too will be able to imagine what this means in the grand scheme of things, and starts moaning and grunting.

The screen dissolves and the word “Claustrophobia” comes on the screen.

Excellent!

Somehow, after the ladies break free of the tight hole one of them finds herself in, they all congregate in a relatively cramped cave with one of the smart biatches asking, “This is not good, guys?” Damn right, chicas, now shouldn’t have someone figured out and exit strategy before they all threw their bodies down a hole?

“Disorientation”

Don’t let this get in the way of the thrilling nature of this movie, though, because fun awaits when we get more words about “Fear” and “Hallucination” coming into the mix. These ladies are like caged heat as they start flipping out on one another and the sounds of a buried cave Kraken starts to shake their grip on reality.

The Kraken isn’t a Kraken after all, unfortunately, but it does seem like some mutant hillbilly cadre of crazies are about to show us how to get-er-done down in the bowels of stalagmites and stalactites. There is a lot of spinning camera angles and it’s hard to make sense of how this situation will devolve but I do know that there is, at the very least, a dozen of these fleshy headed mutants who hope to kill all of these misguided adventurers.

I can say with great delight that I may have laughed all the way through this trailer and found “gimmies” with regard to easy jokes but this looks like a solid Friday/Saturday night rental when this thing finally makes it way to video stores. The trailer does a swell job of building up the story and making it quite ambiguous as to what actually attacks these women. Solid.

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June 22, 2006

June 21, 2006

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June 20, 2006

Taking the Red Pill

June 19, 2006

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June 15, 2006

TESTING YOUR METAL

MONEY FOR NOTHING, HITS FOR FREE

CHRONICLES OF RIDICULOUS

EVERY CITY HAS A STORY

QUICKSHOT OF THE WEEK

June 12, 2006

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June 5, 2006

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June 2, 2006

June 1, 2006

May 31, 2006

May 29, 2006

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May 26, 2006

May 24, 2006

Dispirited

May 19, 2006

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To see Spook’d host Alastor’s blogging silliness and more fun Spook’d stuff,

visit the Spook’d Web site!

To see Spook’d host Alastor’s blogging silliness and more fun Spook’d stuff,

visit the Spook’d Web site!