FRED Entertainment

FUQUAY-VARINA – It was a speedy two days with major stars dropping into my neighborhood.

On a Thursday night the man who made predicted FedEx arrived at a Durham library. Mister McFeely (David Newell) still fits in his Speedy Delivery uniform and hat as he greeted Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood fans of all ages. Most of the ages were under seven. Luckily I had brought along a little kid in order not to stick out.

McFeely was at the end of a weeklong tour around the state to touch base with the kids. Lately whenever any star of kid focused tv shows comes to town, it’s part of some over inflated media spectacular stage show at the sports arena. There’s singing, dancing, indoor fireworks and motorcycle stunts meant to dazzle a three year old. Plus there’s a $18 convenience charge on the tickets. But this was not McFeely’s type of entertainment. He was free and nobody tried to sell the kids noise makers, t-shirts and balloons.

He keeps his show simple without the Vegas effects. He talks to the kids that sit on the floor around him. He reads a book about guessing what’s inside the packages he delivers. He’s careful to point out that he never opens the wrapped containers since that’s against the law. He breaks out a variety of puppets from the Neighborhood of Make Believe. He’s honest when a few puppets aren’t ones that were used on the show, but vintage toys from the series.

He had plenty of good news to deliver on this trip. PBS foolishly doesn’t even have a daily slot for Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood on it’s 24 hour PBS kids digital substation. The episodes are now available at http://pbskids.org/rogers/index.html. Along with clips from the series. You can go straight to Mr. Rogers’ best songs.

In this time of turmoil, it’s reassuring to hear him sing, “You Can Never Go Down the Drain.” You might not think that’s impossible if you watch too much cable news or listen to talk radio. But it’s true.

Even bigger news from McFeely is they are making an animated series based on Daniel Striped Tiger and the characters from the Village of Make Believe. The show is targeted to be on PBS in the Fall of 2011 if all goes right. It is a good way to keep the memory and characters of Mister Rogers around.

Things got even faster the next day when Mario Andretti opened a local Firestone tire place. The man’s name means racing in Italian. He won the Daytona 500 in 1967 and the Indy 500 in 1969. He somewhat won a disputed Indy title in 1981. The guy is a racing legend having made a name around the globe in Formula One. The fact that he was in town and doing autographs without charge, meant I raced down the road.

You know how much a crummy middle reliever in major markets will charge for their signature at a card show? And you have to bring your own ball and bat. Mario had his own photos to sign. They are suitable for framing.

The event was rather easy going with Mario sitting behind a table signing away. Since the line wasn’t too long, he happily chatted away with fans and posed for pics. He wasn’t putting on an ego trip like major jerk / author Nicholas Sparks who yelled at an eight year old girl at an autograph session for merely mentioning her name. He doesn’t sign names even if the girl suffered heat stroke on the set of his stupid movie.

If you’d asked nicely, Mario would have put on a helmet and shown you how to get max speed while circling the parking lot. At age 70, he still looks ready to go a couple laps around the brickyard.

When we got up to the table, I asked Mario about how nowadays it’s not good enough for a driver to know how to race; they have to be fantastic pitchmen. Was there an emphasis on being able to win and appear in commercials during his time behind the wheel?

Mario misunderstood the question and thought I was hating on sponsors. He pointed out how it has become increasingly more important to have corporate sponsorships since the cost of running a car at the top level has hit record highs.

Andretti believes these are the “Good Old Days” of racing because of the speeds, safety and coverage.

Lately there’s been numerous Indy Racing stars shifting into the NASCAR circuit. At the same time a few NASCAR regulars have slid into the cockpit for the Indy 500 (to double header it with Memorial day race in Charlotte). Seeing how Andretti had zoomed around in both cars, it had to be ask which is the tougher transition: NASCAR to Indy or Indy to NASCAR.

He declared that going from NASCAR to Indy Racing is a tougher. There’s no trading paint on open wheel racers since odds are high that merely a tire touch will send you airborne.

We had to move on so that Mario could have a little quality time with the folks sponsoring his visit.

BITTER CHANCE

I didn’t have the heart to ruin the fun by asking Mr. McFeely about Rupert Murdoch’s rapid attack on Mister Rogers’ legacy. Seems that Professor Don Chance, a finance teacher at Louisiana State University, came up with a theory that Mister Rogers is the root of all evil in his classes. The Wall Street Journal spread his hate across the nation and it was reinforced on Fox News. His proof was how Asian students didn’t whine for extra points on their grades. It’s all Mister Rogers’ fault that white kids question his red marker’s power. For decades Mister Rogers told the students they’re “special.” Chance said, “He’s representative of a culture of excessive doting.”

Did Professor Chance even watch Mr. Rogers? Or was he raised in a dog kennel behind Michael Vick’s house? Of course this man’s theory hinges on the belief that Asian kids don’t want extra credit. That they are a submissive culture that take what we give them. Of course we won’t dare call that reinforcing a racial stereotype cause we know college professors never do that. Under my equally extensive research, Asian kids are known to hack into school computers and change their grades.

Do you know why kids feel entitled to higher grades? Don’t blame Fred Rogers. How about putting a target on Goldman Sachs? Those guys understand that cheating gets you everywhere in life including million dollar bonuses, Greek islands, rockets to the moon and stripper wives are the treasures of cooking the books. How many financial geniuses pay fat fines and then refuse to admit guilt as part of the plea. They’re all innocent as they destroy the economy and stuff their billions in Swiss bank accounts.

I was going to post the video of Fox News endorsing Professor Chance’s defaming of Mister Rogers. But why bother? Why do I need to make you dumber with a clip from Fox and Friends? It just shows how Murdoch’s synergy works. They have one unit cause a ripple and the other arms of the empire report it as a tidal wave. One loud mouth professor’s character assassination turns into a fact! Why? Cause the Wall Street Journal reported it. Guess that makes Professor Chance a special person.

You should hire Professor Chance for your four year old’s birthday party. Forget the pony or clown. Imagine their delight as Professor Chance informs them that they are a replaceable cog in the machine. What kid doesn’t want the news that in case they die, mommy and daddy can have a new baby and reuse all their toys and clothes. At the end of the his visit, he’ll sit on your kid’s cake to remind them that they deserve nothing for merely living a year.

HAWAII FIVE-OH?

So far the revamped Hawaii Five-O has become the Danno show. Why are they clogging up the episodes with so much backstory? Did the producers not watch the original series? It’s all about tasty badguys bringing evil to the island. McGarrett has to bust their chops. The rest of the crew does his bidding.

Alex O’Loughlin isn’t the second coming of Jack Lord’s McGarrett. He just can’t give that rocky brooding while tracking down pimps and junkies terrorizing tourists. Scott Caan’s Danno has way too much drama with his ex-wife. Daniel Dae Kim’s Chin Ho doesn’t sit well with the whole dirty cop backstory. This isn’t The Wire. This is about tropical flavored crime.

Stick to the formula. There’s just too much office action at this point. I’m enjoying my Grace Park surfing action, but give me the psychopathic Slim Whitman on a killing spree.

I want to like this show, but they need to quit out thinking the source material. Get some dumb people working on scripts. The good news is because of the series, the final three episodes of Jack Lord’s Hawaii Five-O are slated to be released over the next 9 months. Bring on Truck!

PRIMAL OOZE SOON

Every time you think E! has given a reality show to the lowest form of life in America, they drill deeper in Death Valley to pump out a more disgusting creature.

Jonathan Cheban of The Spin Crowd is the most jaw dropping, pathetic excuse for a publicist. This guy looks like Davis Spade’s butt double. His office is filled with people who couldn’t pass the audition for background extras on The Hills. His celebrity contacts look like they really owe Ryan Seacrest major favors. I feel dirty when I flip by the show hoping to catching Joel McHale’s Soup’s Tribute to Douchebags. Although that would merely be an 9 hour marathon of Cheban’s lamest clips.

If you ever want an excuse to never go near Southern California, it’s the fear of choking and only having Cheban in the room. You don’t want to owe this guy your life.

RICO! YOUNGBLOOD!

Bad news for people accustomed to their yearly DVD release of The Untouchables. The fourth (final) season of the black and white feds versus gangsters series has been backburnered. I asked a question on CBS Home Entertainment’s Facebook page. The response, “Season 4 Vol. 1 won’t be out this year. CBS is still looking into the release of this show.”

There’s no need to give up hope. They brought back Cheers and Have Gun Will Travel after they’d been off the release slate for quite a few years.

CORMAN CORNER

Halloween demands you have creepy DVDs ready to spook guests. There’s no finer squirm collection than this month’s installment of Shout! Factory’s Roger Corman Cult Classics. There’s mad killers, haunted houses and creepy dead stars.

The Slumber Party Massacre Collection is a triple feature boxset that contains the ’80s popular body count series. The trio of films were popular at the creepy mom and pop video stores on that rack just outside the bead curtain to the adult section. While there were numerous slaughter titles coming out during that time, Slumber Party had the unique honor that all three were directed by women. Director Amy Jones and her husband shot the first few minutes of a Rita Mae Brown script for The Slumber Party Massacre (1982). She’d been an editor for a while and took the gamble to upgrade her credit position. It helped that her husband is cinematographer Michael Chapman (Taxi Driver and Raging Bull). Corman saw her opening and gave her the green light to finish the film. She passed up a chance to edit E.T. to give us the tale of a drill killer sticking it to numerous high school kids. Despite it’s low budget, the Slumber Party gives up the gore and humor. Slumber Party Massacre II (1987) brings a little rock’n to the killin’. Crystal Bernard (Wings) and her all girl band stay at a house so they can focus on their tunes. She keeps having evil dreams about a Billy Idol rocker with a lethal guitar. He’s got a drill on the neck. Without much elaboration, he’s real and ready to put holes in the kids. Slumber Party Massacre III (1990) actually has the killing take place during a proper Slumber Party. There’s also a bit of mystery as to the identity of the man with the power drill. The Sleepless Nights documentary gets beneath the surface of the horrific spree. We also meet a young boy whose greatest Christmas present was a VHS copy of the original. Each film gets an audio commentary to give all the secrets. If you order the DVD set from Shout! Factory’s site, you can get a limited edition bloody pillowcase.

Here’s the original trailer for Part 2.

The Evil / Twice Dead Double Feature are two classic tales of bad real estate deals. The Evil puts Richard Crenna (Rambo: First Blood) on the road to hell thanks to the good intention of turning a dumpy mansion into a rehab clinic. Little does he know that he should have not merely hired a home inspector, but an exorcist. His batch of volunteers uncover what might be the door to hell. Things end up messier than a house flipping show on TLC. Victor Buono (Batman‘s King Tut) makes an elaborate cameo. Twice Dead moves a family into a mansion. Sure it sounds great, but it’s in the middle of a nasty neighborhood. How nasty? Todd Bridges lives in the area. But if the violence isn’t scary, there’s also the ghost of a dead actor who died in a freaky hanging suicide.

The Warrior and the Sorceress / Barbarian Queen Double Feature are two sword and magic epics that might not seem like Halloween features. That is until you realize both stars died in tabloid headlines. The Warrior and the Sorceress (1984) has David Carradine. He died in a strange hanging sex act while in Bangkok. But in this film, he’s a warrior fighting for control over a water well. Maria Socas is allergic to clothes. Barbarian Queen (1985) stars Lana Clarkson. Phil Spector was convicted of her murder. Lana and her warrior women force are done wrong by Roman soldiers. There’s a lot of twisted torture involving racks, metal spikes and other toys developed for those websites. After the ladies recover, they are all out for vengeance. There’s a lot of metal on metal action. Once more another great pair of films rescued from the rear of the Videorama.

THE DVD SHELF

CSI: The Tenth Season is the first fulltime season with Dr. Ray Langston (Laurence Fishburne) in control of the crime scene investigation squad. Las Vegas is still a dangerous town with freak murders that test their skills to the extreme. “Ghost Town” has a porn producer and a drug dealer slaughtered. “Bloodsport” kills a college football coach. The entire team is a suspect. Why didn’t they look at insane internet bloggers? They did a triple crossover starting with “Lost Girls” when Ray hunts for the human traffickers that might be turning a woman into a hooker. Both crossover episodes with CSI: Miami and CSI: New York are included in this boxset. “The Panty Sniffer” represents the first time a network has turns that fetish into a TV Guide title. “Doctor Who” does not feature any real time travel. Although Part two is “Meat Jekyll.” It’s another serial killer roaming the strip. The show keeps up the crime with the new leader fully in charge. The bonus features include Commentary tracks, Lab Rats: The Saga Continues, CSI: The Experience, Frozen In Time: CSI’S Season Opener, KillerTales: Season 10 of CSI, Leaving Las Vegas: Langston Heads East and Getting Lost.

Psycho Legacy is a great bonus feature for those eager to buy the Psycho Blu-ray. Robert Galluzzo has put together a documentary that doesn’t merely explore how Alfred Hitchcock created the unsettling world of Norman Bates, but how Anthony Perkins came to accept that character into his life. He interviews filmmakers and cast that were involved in the three sequels. He takes the camera to the Universal backlot to check out the Bates Motel and mother’s house. There’s a second disc that includes the complete tape of Perkins talking to a horror convention. He has a warm glee while discussing his cold blooded creation. Psycho Legacy is the perfect bonus feature for those who want to know more about the three “reunion” movies.

Gunsmoke: The Fourth Season, Volume One brings back the long running show that is tied with Law and Order for the longest running drama. At this point Gunsmoke is still a half hour black and white show. There’s a lot of stars popping up on the frontier. “Matt for Murder” brings trouble with Bruce Gordon (The Untouchables). “The Blacksmith” has George Kennedy hitting the iron. “Small Water” has Warren Oates (The Wild Bunch). “Lost Rifle” unloads with Charles Bronson (Death Wish). He looks good facing off with Marshal Matt Dillon (James Arness). Matt’s sidekick is still Chester (Dennis Weaver) Besides the sponsor spots, the big bonus is the inclusion of “How to Cure a Friend” from Season 2. Turns out they put the fourth season “How to Kill a Friend” on the Season 2 DVD set. Another great boxset of Western fun.

Scrubs: The Complete and Final Ninth Season really does end the long running saga of J.D., Turk, Elliot and the rest of the Sacred Heart regulars. This is like the third season where the show was supposed to end. The producers did change things up making the cast part of Sacred Heart’s Medical School. It’s kinda like in the later version of Doctor In the House when the students went back to teach. The mixing of the original cast with the new students is rather bumpy. The narratives get a little confusing with too many talking at once. The janitor is gone since he’d moved to Indiana to be with his family on The Middle. But there’s lots of Zach Braff smiling angst as he wonders if this will be his final season. If you’re a fan of Scrubs, this might be worth grabbing since it might not get as much syndication play as the earlier seasons. Think of this as the Joe Besser effect. The bonus features include bloopers, explained deleted scenes, Live from the Gold Cart and producer Bill Lawrence discussing the medical school change.

Phineas and Ferb: A Very Perry Christmas is the holiday special for small addicts of this Disney series abut two inventive kids and a platypus named Perry. If you’re clueless about the show, get yourself stuck next to a five year old for Thanksgiving dinner. The big treat on the DVD set is the “Christmas Vacation” episode. The kids and Perry must stop an evil scientist from ruining the holiday season. Imagine the sad fate if they don’t save Christmas. Think of all their merchandise that wouldn’t move off the shelves. There’s five other episodes. The best of the bonus features is the “Phineas and Ferb Virtual Fireplace.” Put the animated yule log on your TV to feel the warmth. The Perry Iron-On should make you be the coolest kid in the office cubicle.

CSI: Miami – The Eight Season returns us to the sunglass glory of Lt. Horatio Caine (David Caruso). The season opens to a flashback on how Horatio brought together the team back in 1997. Was it really that long ago? “Hostile Takeover” puts a gunman inside their lab. He’s got hostages. “Bolt Action” kills three volleyball player. “Show Stopper” is my favorite episode when a pop tart singer goes up in massive flames during a concert. Who doesn’t want a singer that gives 110 percent on that stage – especially when it’s all combustible. If only all annoying teen singers would go poof. “Die By the Sword” has a guy killed by a samurai sword. There was a Miami Vice episode like that. “L.A.” was directed by Rob Zombie. Shame he didn’t direct “Mommie Deadest” with a soccer mom biting the dust. She’s got dark secrets. Perhaps she cut her orange slices the wrong way for the kids? The bonus episodes include the CSI and CSI: NY crossover episodes. There’s a piece about the show going all HD. The 24 episodes are on 7 DVDs.

Astonishing X-Men – Gifted gives us Joss Whedon’s 6 comic books in a limited animated presentation. They done an amazing job of lifting the original comic book art from John Cassaday and giving it just enough animation to bring us inside the panels. The story is about a scientist coming up with a cure for the mutant gene. At the same time a massive alien arrives ready to mess up the X-Men. Plus there’s a question of loyalty with Nick Fury and his armed men. Whedon brings his finest elements from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly into the X-Men universe. Each comic book takes about 11 minutes to watch. This is a great way to geek out without getting ink on your fingers.

Desperate Housewives: The Complete Sixth Season brings us more weirdness from Wisteria Lane. No longer is Nicollette Sheridan as resident. In her place arrives The Sopranos‘ Drea de Matteo. She can finally rid herself of the stench of Joey. She and her family also have a deep dark secret. Who doesn’t on this show? There’s still plenty of back biting, romantic flings and twins. There’s a strangler lurking behind the rose bushes. The big shocker is when a plane crashes in the neighborhood. The bonus features include bloopers, deleted scenes and a master class in acting. The best is “Miss Piggy Gets Desperate.” The Muppet Show superstar dishes with the ladies since she was the original desperate lady of primetime.

Castle: The Complete Second Season Two continues the mystery about a novelist and a police detective. Richard Castle (Firefly‘s Nathan Fillion) has overcome his writer’s block from the first season, but he can’t quit tagging along with Det. Kate Beckett (Stana Katic). She’s not his new heroine of the Nikki Heat novels. The new season opens with her upset at reopening the case of her murdered mother. She breaks up their relationship, but discovers she needs his help in a hanging murder. “Double Down” has more relationship fun when they investigate a murdered couples therapist. “A Rose for Everafter” lets Castle reunite with his ex-lover during her wedding day. Turns out her bridesmaid was murdered. Does that mean she still has to pay for the hideous dress? Alyssa Milano plays the old flame. “Tick, Tick, Tick….” and “Boom!” are a two part hunt for a serial killer. Dana Delany arrives as an FBI Special Agent. Dana is so special. There’s 24 episodes spread over 5 DVDs. Bonus features include deleted scenes, bloopers, how the production team stages a murder scene. Ladies will like a little personal time with Nathan.

Legend of the Seeker: The Complete 2nd and Final Season wraps up the syndicated fantasy series. The action is based on Terry Goodkind’s The Sword of Truth novels. The Seeker and his assistants have to find the Stone of Tears to prevent giant cracks that are appearing around the world. It’s like Mighty Putty. But everyone isn’t on board for keeping the world from busting apart. There’s plenty of swords and magic action in each episode. Sam Raimi and Robert Tapert produced the series. They had previous made Hercules and Xena so they know how to make the fantasy look good on the small screen. Bonus features include a deeper look at Cara (Tabrett Bethell), a examination of the crew that make the TV magic and extended scenes. There’s an internet campaign to revive the series. Best thing to do is buy copies of the DVD and give them to friends as Christmas gifts. Money talks and emails get deleted.