Hello there, gamers, and welcome to Game On!, your weekly dose of all things video games, from reviews, to news and commentary, to a look back of games gone by”¦all hosted by me, Ian Bonds, game guru to the stars. Well, ok, not really, I’m just a guy with a few too many video game systems and WAY too much free time, but you’ll get the gist of it eventually.
If you’re new to Game On! and my way of reviewing titles, here’s the bit that I try to use to set me apart from you typical reviewers. I don’t “rate” games in the traditional way. Point systems and numbers bother me. Why assign a number to a game if you like it? Seems silly to me, and when you get into integers (5 point 6 this, 7 point 3 that) it just borders on ridiculous. That’s why, if I like a game you’ll be able to tell right away”¦from the look on my face. If I like it, I show it, if I don’t”¦well, it’s pretty obvious. Don’t let those things stop you from reading the reviews, however. If a game sucks, I’ll tell you it does, and exactly why”¦none of this “oh, it wasn’t that bad” bullshit. Likewise, if I dig on a game, I’m gonna tell you just why it needs to be in your library.
Sounds simple enough, yes? Well, then let’s introduce (or reintroduce if you’ve been here before) you to the many faces of Ian.
From left to right, “Kickass”, “Right On”, “OK”, “Eh”, and “Stinker” (AKA “Craptacular”).
These have been my way of expressing my love (or abject hatred) for a game”¦I hope you’ll come to know them (though I had wanted to update them from the days of MPS, but my camera was being a shit”¦)
Now, with that out of the way, let’s get down with the reviews, shall we?
TALES TO ASTONISH
It’s nice to see that the PSP is picking up a few more RPGs as of late”¦something that the DS is in dire need of. This past week, Ubisoft ported over the European adventure ASTONISHIA STORY, a tale about a knight on a quest”¦no, not quite that epic. It seems our young Lloyd (who names a knight Lloyd anyway?) has lost an important religious relic to a band of thieves and is the only knight who survives the attack. So, in order to redeem himself and avenge his mentor who was slain in the battle, he sets off to find the culprits and bring them to justice. Fairly simple.
The main problem with Lloyd is that he seems to suffer from a hardcore case of ADD. As he quests to locate the evil elves that have wronged him, he also sets off and stops a band of bandits who’re robbing groups of travelers, rescues a kidnapped girl, collects missing baggage”¦all BUT actually working on his quest. That, and the fellow adventurers he meets along his way only stay with him enough for him to help them, then the skate off, happy that their agenda has been completed.
Still, while he’s not off doing everything but what he’s supposed to, the game has it’s fun moments. Battle is a sort of “strategy-lite” style, with a turn-based battle system at its core. Players are free to move around their playing grid towards their foes, and can either attack, use items, skills, or just end their turns. There’s no limit to how many spaces you can move, if you move once and don’t attack or end the turn, you can move again until you’re positioned just right. Not that position will matter much, as surrounding your foes really won’t make a difference in the whole of the battles. From then on it’s just stale turn based hits, seeing who will die first from repeated blunt-force trauma.
The character sprites are pretty old school stylized, with bright colors and distinguishable characters throughout, though nothing that will rank among the hallmarks of the genre. Audio is fairly decent as well, though some sound effects seem to be a little out of place, and the minimal voice work is merely just a series of grunts or laughter.It’s definitely not the best RPG around, but despite its flaws, I had a good time playing it. It may not win any awards, but the few things it does right (interesting story despite the lead hero’s lack of attention, cool moves, simple and effective battle system) it does well enough to keep me playing. The use of a “save anywhere” feature also makes it an ideal game to play in short bursts. It’s a good handheld RPG, but just don’t expect too much depth.
One Gamer’s Opinion:
(TABLE) TENNIS ANYONE?
When one thinks of Rockstar games, usually games of debauchery and violence come to mind. So it comes a bit of a surprise that the publisher’s first title for Xbox 360 harkens back to the days of Pong”¦albeit a bit more on the Next-Gen side of things. ROCKSTAR GAMES PRESENTS: TABLE TENNIS is a smooth playing, smooth looking title that explores the subtle nuances of Forest Gump’s favorite past time, and does just about everything well.
The game’s main draw is the physics involved in the spin you place on the ball with each hit. The strategy here is one so deep and refined that the gamer almost feels themselves at the table, volley the ball back with the right amount of spin and force, hoping they don’t choke in the face of a harsh smash. I never thought I’d find a way to make Ping Pong sound exciting, but Rockstar has one upped me by actually making it worth playing.
The game is fun, there’s no doubt there. The subtleties of each player’s attributes enhance the already stand-out gameplay physics. Each shot, each score, each defeat will feel and look as real as can be. Whoever thought dynamic cloth physics and sweat animation would be necessary in a table tennis game? While the game looks and sound fantastic, it plays like a dream, offering as many different serve and return options as the bigger court games.
The only real drawback here is that the player’s attributes don’t change over the course of the game. You can continually win match after match, but your stats will remain the same, so character selection is really around who has the best all-around skills, not about improving your player. This becomes even more apparent when playing online. Though the games are silky smooth and lag free, I often wound up against Liu Ping”¦even though I was Liu Ping. Also, the difficulty seems to ramp itself up unfairly depending on the circuit. Despite trumping his in the Amateur circuit, that damn Swedish douchebag Jesper manages to kill me every time in the Rookie circuit. Why are the swedes so damn good with a racket anyway?
Regardless of my annoyance at that blond jerkface, there’s much to love here. It’s got an instant pick-up and play aesthetic to it, and would work great as a party game, or solely as an online title, for quick grudge matches and speedy tournaments. The lack of customization for your players or even a real career mode are a disappointment, but these can all be resolved in the sequel. Here’s hoping Ump is an unlockable character next time.
One Gamer’s Opinion:
THE ALPHA MALE
Once again, Capcom has answered the 2D fighting fan’s cries, and yet another collection from days gone by has graced our PS2. This time around, STREET FIGHTER ALPHA ANTHOLOGY collects every title from the sub-series’ history, and even includes a few extras to make the hardcore stand up and notice.
For many, when the series transitioned to the ALPHA titles, the addition of the counters seemed to be most players favorites. For others, it was the new combo opportunities, or even the super meters. If you were a hardcore fighter in the arcade, you had to find the right version of the game that catered to your specific playing style. With this collection, Capcom has actually hidden each varied version and upgrade of each title on the disc, making it as complete as can be. From the immediately selectable ALPHA, ALPHA 2, ALPHA 2 GOLD, ALPHA 3 and SUPER GEM FIGHTER MINIMIX (released here in the states as POCKET FIGHTER) to the more subtle (and hidden) version numbers of each game (such as an early version of ALPHA 1 which contained a bug for a character’s unblockable highkick move). Also included are ALPHA 3 ARRANGED (unlockable when you beat ALHPA 3) and HYPER STREET FIGHTER ALPHA (a game where each individual version of each character is selectable, much like last year’s HYPER STREET FIGHTER II ANNIVERSARY EDITION, unlockable when you beat all 6 main games). To say that there’s something for every fighter’s taste would be a gross understatement.
My favorite, however, would probably be POCKET FIGHTER, as it’s cutesy characters and bizarre Gem influenced combos remind me of a weird hybrid of SUPER PUZZLE FIGHTER and the Capcom made MARVEL SUPER HEROES fighter. Simple attacks (only three buttons!) but crazy moves (even with costume switching in mid attack). Still, one can’t help but be impressed with ALPHA 3 either, with it’s “ISM” combo meters and huge variety of fighters – though, other than the four extra in ALPHA 3 ARRANGED, it contains only the arcade versions of the game, so many of the more recent extra characters aren’t included.
For fighting fans, this one’s a no-brainer. There’s finally a collection of the best of the best, and the inclusion (albeit hidden) of those extra version numbers is a fantastic nod to the arcade elite. For newer players, they may not catch on right away, but as soon as they delve deep enough they’ll find no greater examples of 2D brawlers in their prime. Absolutely fantastic.
One Gamer’s Opinion:
CRAPTACULAR GAME OF THE WEEK
I may not be much of a sports player, video game wise, but I do enjoy the odd basketball game every now and then. Street ball is especially fun for me, and when I heard there was to be a licensed title based on the AND 1 ballers tour, I was thrilled. Sadly, the game that resulted from it is anything but thrilling. While games like NBA STREET or even NBA BALLERS use flashy moves and effects to punk players on the court, the real players who make it look so amazing have a really crappy game. Sure, all of the actual AND 1 players are here, with their signature moves”¦but why are they so damn hard to execute? First, press the right analog stick in a direction to perform a Level 1 juke or move. Then, after building the meter a bit, hit the LEFT analog stick in a direction AS well as the right. Yeah, the left stick”¦the one you’re moving your player with. Then, for the level 3 move, add the right trigger or shoulder button to that mix to perform a special move or anklebreaker move. Sound complicated? The game seems to think so too, as usually it won’t perform the move, just spin the player around in a circle while it tries to decipher your controler code for “bounce the ball off his head, spin it around your back, then dunk”. Even when just playing simply the game feels broken. Never have I faced one side of the court, thrown the ball in that direction, only to have it fly BEHIND me and go towards the opposite basket. It defies physics, even for a video game. Yeesh.
One Gamer’s Opinion:
Gosh, with so much going on with the move from MPS to the new digs here at Quick Stop, I didn’t get as much done as I had hoped. Next week, I’ll be back with more reviews, including a look at DISNEY/PIXAR’S CARS, METAL GEAR SOLID: DIGITAL GRAPHIC NOVEL, THE MOVIES: STUNTS AND EFFECTS expansion and more. Until then, gamers, Game On!
For example, on June 16th, Roger Ebert dropped out of sight again to undergo further surgery on a recurrent problem, a cancerous growth in his salivary gland. In the introduction to one of his recent yearly compilations, Ebert wrote movingly of his disease and its impact on his job and on his spirit. Ebert has been a friend to this site in the past, and I wish him well. Curiously, I’ve become something of a “defender” of Ebert of late. Here’s the background. When I was younger, and Ebert was first on national TV (on PBS), finding the Pulitzer Prize winning writer’s columns wasn’t so easy, so in evaluating the man all one had to go on was the prize itself and his TV persona, in which he was, then anyway, aggressive, smart, and with a debater’s cunning for his opponent’s weak spots. Only later, when his annual review compilations began to appear, and then with the advent of the WWW, could a curious reader not living in Chicago, or with access to cumbersome library copies of the Sun Times, dive into his prose. Thus in recent years I’ve become quite a fan of Ebert the daily journalist. At the risk of insulting the TV Ebert, the print Ebert is a much better reviewer than the TV version would lead you to think Â
Back in the 1970s there was a vogue for “mechanic” novels, thrillers in which an operative acted outside the law to thwart crime and communism. The first was Don Pendleton’s The Executioner series, in which Mack Bolen methodically took out the Mafia around the world in vengeance for the accidental death of his family. This was followed by Wayne Murphy and Richard Sapir’s The Destroyer, featuring ex-Jersey cop Remo Williams, which appears to be the most popular and most long lasting. But the best of the genre was The Inquisitor, a delightful series about the Pope’s hitman, who, after every assignment, had to do penance in the dungeons of Vatican City (killing remains a sin, you see). Though there were only a few in the series – The Devil in Kansas, The Last Time I saw Hell, Nuplex Red, His Eminence, Death and The Midas Coffin – they were funny, a highly satiric take on the “mechanic” genre and of at contemporary culture itself (although the Destroyer series has its satiric edge). Though credited to Simon Quinn, Inquisitor books were really written by a very young Martin Cruz Smith,      Â
In a rivalry spanning decades (and a backstory that seems to change depending on which direction the editorial wind happens to be blowing that day), 
Hey kids! Holy crap I can’t believe it’s almost Christmas! Well guess what? I got two fun filled christmas activities for you today. I am a little behind on getting this zebra shit together. So please give old Uncle Mattt a big break, okay kiddos? Because Uncle Mattt is old and his farts are starting to smell like that too. And it does not even bother me. Which is sad -Â it’s like I’m Laura Dern when she stuck her hand in that big pile of dinosaur shit in that one movie… Citizen Ruth.
Check out the preview to the Image comic Jeff writes…
As you might have noticed, we’re open for business.
Every once in awhile, a British program manages to make its way out of the sceptred isle and wind its way to the former colonies, where it is greeted with wonder and amazement and just how fresh and unique it seems compared to the majority of American tele-pap.
QUICKSTOP: At what point do you look at it and go, “Now it’s time to walk away”¦”? Not from Little Britain per se, but particular characters?
But also, around the same time (even serendipitously, you might say), the first season of The Batman was released. And being the hardcore Bat-fan that I am, I was able to budget my allowance (don’t ask) for this purchase. So, rather than reach for a tried-and-true DVD from the aforementioned list, I reached for Disc 1 of The Batman: Season 1 and plopped it into the Pioneer DVD tray.
Check out the preview to…
  
The ‘tard put up a hell of a take at the box office and I think everyone here, including myself, owe the guy a huzzah with a Coke and a smile. I wasn’t one of the people who added to the final number from this weekend; like I mentioned many times before I just wasn’t “hyped” over making sure I saw it opening weekend like I was for the other two installments. It was an odd feeling, to be sure, that the years I spent agonizing over when the actual X-Men movie was going to be made in 1988, following the film’s progression in monthly issues of the local comic book ‘zine at the time before the age of online communities or Wizard, that I really didn’t care about this movie.
By the sheer fact that this movie made lots of money it has legitimized any and all factors that many fanboys screamed about, this one included. Like a president who doesn’t care about your civil liberties the population has spoken with their wallets and have said yes to the machinations of every deadline and decision that was made in this film’s name.
Richard Vernon: Well, well. Here we are. You have exactly eight hours and fifty-four minutes to think about why you’re here. You may not talk, you will not move from these seats. Any questions?
Director: Michael Cuesta
Director: Oliver Stone
Director: Sam Fell, David Bowers
Director: Anthony Russo, Joe Russo
