Yeah, ok. I know in my last column I said “See you in Seven”. I didn’t INTENTIONALLY lie. I fully planned on doing a column last week, but I’ve just been so burnt out from work that it just didn’t happen. I’m sorry. Don’t look at me that way, I still love you”¦ I just needed some time away. But I’m back now, and I’m bringing you lots of gifts”¦ namely reviews and comparisons of more of the latest titles. Feel better? Good, let’s get this over with”¦
I GOT RHYTHM, I GOT MUSIC
DDR vs GUITAR HERO II
First up this week, it’s the battle of the rhythm games. Long time champ DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION has two contenders entering the fray, with DDR SUPERNOVA out on PS2 and DDR ULTRAMIX 4 bowing as one of the last titles for the original Xbox. Both titles sport a huge array of songs, moves, and difficulty levels, as well as a few new features to keep old fans coming back, and bring in the noobs as well.
SUPERNOVA, for one, has an all-new “Battle” mode, where two players actually “fight” each other based on how well you dance, and yes, it’s just about as ridiculous as it sounds. There’s also a training mode for beginners, and an all new Stellar Master Mode, which is as close to a campaign mode that DDR will ever get. In it, players dance through various “joints” (planet locations on a map of sorts) and complete dance-centric tasks to move on. There are dance showdowns, basically boss battles, to complete as well, to move down to the next series of joints and so on. It’s the first freshest addition in a long time to a series that has only seen marginal “updates” to most of it’s modes.
ULTRAMIX 4, however, seems to be more of the same. Still, it does offer a few nice things, such as the ability to utilize any of the download song packs from the previous entries, as well as sporting a good variety of songs for non-J-pop fans. In fact, both ULTRAMIX 4 and SUPERNOVA feature actual AMERICAN artists such as David Bowie, Fallout Boy and Oingo Boingo across their soundtracks. This makes finding a decent tune to dance to a bit more bearable once you find a name that you can actually recognize without having to be a 14-year-old Japanese girl first.
GUITAR HERO II on the other hand is leaps and bounds above its previous iteration. Featuring the same style of rhythm based madness as the previous year’s entry and amping up the variety with over 55 songs to choose from already streaks this one ahead of the last. However, add to the mix a fantastic new multiplayer mode and a good variety of unlockables and you’re only just scratching the surface.
What makes GUITAR HERO II so enjoyable is its simplicity. Using the guitar controller, press the proper colored fret and strum as the notes pass by. There’s (thankfully) a practice mode to those who never picked up the first game, where you can now not only choose sections of songs to practice, but you can even slow them down to make sure you nail that solo. The main game features the same four difficulty levels as last time (easy, medium, hard and expert) but for some reason even the lower levels seem tougher on some songs. The roster of songs is also much expanded (obviously) with a huge amount of unlockable songs able to be bought down the line.
What makes this game shine, however, is the multiplayer. Adding to last year’s Face Off mode (where two players play the same song with alternating notes to see who scores the highest) is the new Co-op mode. Here, one player plays lead guitar, with the other taking up either bass or rhythm guitar. It adds a whole new spin to certain songs, and an increased difficulty for songs you may be familiar with on guitar, but not on bass. Also new is the Pro Face Off, where both players play the same song, but they must be on the same difficulty level, and play the same notes.
While this year’s game has a huge amount of songs to choose from, not all of them sound as good as the originals, or even last year’s spot on remakes. This time around, most of the singers are doing a horrible job, with vocals for most songs sound just very, very off, or at least just very bad impressions of the original vocalists. Still, everything’s at least in key, and you’re not playing the game for the vocals, just the guitar licks, and the game recreates all the sqeedlies and meadlies well. In fact, there are even a few original recordings in the game. Both Primus (“John The Fisherman”) and Jane’s Addiction (“˜Stop”) contributed their master recordings to the game, as well as all the unlockable tunes (including Strong Bad from HomeStarRunner.com singing “Trogdor” and [adult swim] cartoon band Deathklok (from Metalocalypse) performing “Thunderhorse”).
Konami may finally have some competition in the rhythm based game genre, but it seems they’re not standing idly by, after recently copyrighting the name “Guitar Revolution” to go along with their other brands. One day, I fear that all the rhythm games will combine and breed a new race of super human pop stars who can sing, dance and play guitar. Then the “Revolution” will really take place. Until then, we’re just playing one game at a time.
DDR: SUPERNOVA:
DDR ULTRAMIX 4:
GUITAR HERO II:
ROUND ONE: FIGHT!
POWERSTONE COLLECTION vs MORTAL KOMBAT: UNCHAINED
Usually, fighting games don’t do very well on the portable systems. There’s either not enough buttons, or the angles don’t work well, or you just can’t pull off that 22 hit combo the way you could in the arcade or at home. Well, the arcade is just about dead, and handhelds are becoming mode and more like the home consoles, so two new fighting games have hit the PSP, and the results aren’t as horrible as one would expect.
POWERSTONE COLLECTION, for example, takes the two entries in the series (both released on the Dreamcast) and puts them together for the first time, as well as including some odd mini games from the ill-fated system’s VMU memory card. Both games are glorious representations of the original game, where fighters do battle on a multi-tiered field, with plenty of objects to pick up and chuck at your foe and power-ups to collect. The game works well on the PSP’s screen, with bright vibrant colors highlighting the action and simple commands used to execute punishing moves.
The first is the better of the two, but both games feature a good variety of diverse fighters and moves, as well as different power ups and collectibles. The VMU games are a weird distraction, including an odd flying game starring one of the fighters. Still, its inclusion is fairly cool, and certainly keeps the entire series intact in one collection.
MORTAL KOMBAT: UNCHAINED, however, is merely a port of last year’s DECEPTION, just with a few new additional fighters. As well as including MOTARO and SHAO KHAN (from the Gamecube version of the game), we get Blaze, Frost Kitana, and Jax. All of the unlockable fighters from the home version are there, but they’re already unlocked, making the Konquest mode’s inclusion rather unnecessary (because, really, who played that mode for the story?).
Puzzle Kombat and Chess Kombat return as well and work just as they do on console. The main game, however, suffers from one “fatal” flaw: load times. Between matches, between fights, for just about every instance you can think of, there’s a 20 to 30 second loading screen. At least the actual fights are smooth, and the transitions from different tiers in the multilevel fights goes off without a hitch. Plus, the fighting (once it’s loaded) all works just as well as it’s console big brother”¦though the d-pad still isn’t as responsive as it should be (though that’s more the fault of the system rather than the game). Graphically, the game looks almost as sharp as the original from a distance, but when the camera gets in close (like at the end of a match) the system shows it’s limitations.
All in all, however, it’s a successful port for both. Maintaining all the modes from the feature rich home version of DECEPTION is no small task, and the little handheld does it (mostly) admirably. It’s not perfect, but what works, works very well.
POWERSTONE COLLECTION:
MORTAL KOMBAT: UNCHAINED:
SUPERHERO SMACKDOWN VOL 2.
SPIDER-MAN: FIGHT FOR NEW YORK vs SUPERMAN RETURNS
Once again, the two biggest titans of comicdom face off. Not since the 70s (or maybe it was the early 80s) have these two clashed so tirelessly. Well, now they do it again, but in digital form. I speak of course of the two new games for the two most popular and recognizable comic heroes. However, this match up, like all the ones before it, is not as evenly balanced as one might imagine.
Firstly, my favorite hero gets a brand new game in the form of SPIDER-MAN: BATTLE FOR NEW YORK, out now on GBA and DS (reviewed). Built off the same engine for the previous handheld versions of ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN, this title again takes its cue from the Ultimate Universe. In fact, it seems to stem from some of the early issues of the book, where Peter first fought Norman Osbourne, otherwise known as the Green Goblin. In the Ultimate U, ol’ GG is a giant demon looking beast created by the Super Solider Serum gone wrong, and in the game, you play as both Spidey and his nemesis.
Gameplay is practically an exact duplicate of the previous DS adventure, with many of the same sprites used in the graphics. Spidey can swing, pick up civilians to rescue them, and perform a variety of moves and combos against the ne’er do wells of the city. Likewise, Double G can smash, destroy and generally harm those in his way with wicked attacks and fire bombs. Much like Venom in the previous game, GG story runs parallel to Spidey’s and they both come to a head midway through the game.
Unfortunately, while the title is fun to play and offers up a good video game version of the comics, it’s a bit like “been there, done that”. Because the sprites have been reused, many moves have been too, and everything feels very same-y. That’s not entirely a bad thing if you enjoyed the previous handheld adventure (which, I of course did) but those looking for a fully fresh game might be disappointed.
Sadly, the same can be said for SUPERMAN RETURNS, out now on Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS2, Xbox, with slight variations on GBA and DS. Taking the familiar open world format of the SPIDER-MAN 2 game and applying it to a different set of red and blue tights is one thing, but making it boring is a crime within itself altogether.
The premise is ok by itself. A game based on the film of the same name, fleshed out a bit with side missions and non-movie story modes to continue the game well past the film. Sure, they all do that. But here, it doesn’t quite flow the way that they intended. Maybe it’s the fact that you only really fight two kinds of enemies in this game (drones and boss characters). Maybe it’s the fact that between events, you just sort of hover above the city, waiting for something to happen. Or maybe it’s just because Superman is TOO POWERFUL to make a good game about. Sure, they finally have all his powers, and he’s quite formidable. But, he’s so powerful, that they don’t even give him a health bar. No, instead what we’re treated to is a meter which registers “Metropolis Health”, the life bar of the city itself. If the city becomes too damaged in a fracas, it’s game over for the big caped guy. Lame.
What’s worse is, that while his powers do work well, sometimes they work TOO well. Fighting while flying is ok, but sometimes you’re just moving too fast to keep a good lock on your target. The same can be said for running at high speeds while trying to take down one of the games many super speedy foes. And transitioning from ground to air sometimes isn’t nearly as smooth as you’d want it to be. Still, heat vision, freeze breath, super strength, they all work admirably, and experience points build up new moves.
It’s sad to say that the most fun you’ll have with the game is in a mini game, where you actually destroy the city as Bizarro. But these interjections are too few and far between, and don’t last nearly long enough.
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, both these games’ predecessors should be blushing to beat the band. There’s something to be said for originality however”¦and it should be directed at these two games, because frankly, they don’t seem to grasp the concept.
SPIDER-MAN: BATTLE FOR NEW YORK:
SUPERMAN RETURNS:
THE (VIOLENT) SPORTS AUTHORITY
BLITZ: THE LEAGUE vs WWE SMACKDOWN VS RAW 2007
I’m not a sports guy. Most of my regular readers know that. Still, every so often, I have to review a sports title, just so I don’t alienate that particular demographic that buys those types of games. I still do it my way, though, which I why I tend to shy away from the mainstream with the few sports titles I do review. This time is no exception.
As most of you know, of all the sports I don’t like, I like football the least. Which is why I was so surprised that I enjoyed BLITZ: THE LEAGUE as much as I did. When I reviewed it for the original Xbox, I found that, while the main game had its hiccups, it was still a fun diversion from a normal gridiron game and still had a lot to appeal to football fans as well as arcade players.
Now that it’s been released for Xbox 360, I still feel the same way”¦but sadly it’s nothing new. The same game that was released last year has been repackaged, shined up a bit and released as a “next gen” title. And sadly, it doesn’t even look that much different from the original Xbox title. The graphics are still fairly sharp (in places, some models still don’t quite look right in certain cut scenes), the running game is still a bit unbalanced (sometimes you’ll get sacked no matter what, sometimes you’re catch a fumble and get a turnover to a 90 yard touchdown) and the story mode is practically the same. So why then didn’t they just make the original backwards compatible? Achievements?
Granted, yes, the achievements are new, but the online seems to be better integrated here as well. Beyond that, however, it’s still very much the same game. That’s fine if you didn’t play the other one and are looking for a weird MADDEN alternative. But if you bought it once already, why would you plop down another $50 for a gussied up remake?
For our other title, some would argue that its subject matter doesn’t officially count as a “sport” (despite the in game announcers claiming that it contains the worlds best “athletes”). Still, now that it’s become a yearly franchise, WWE SMACKDOWN VS RAW 2007 (on PS2, PSP and for the first time Xbox 360) has continued to grow into the world’s best wrestling title”¦though currently there’s not much competition.
The game has continued to expand it’s already diverse move set and stylized control, with this year’s entry relying heavily on the analog sticks for more complete control over your combatants moves. Different directions deliver grapples, submissions, lifts and slams. You can even click the stick in for further control, holding your opponent in the air and choosing when and how to slam them to the mat. It’s a certain level of control that, now that you have it, you don’t know how you ever played with out it.
Because of this, control for all the other match types has greatly improved. Ladder matches are now more intuitive as far as reaching that belt (though I often still only climb the ladder when I often only wish to grab it). The Diva matches still seem slightly wonky, but over all, everything has a new coat of style and substance that makes this the richest and deepest wrestler yet.
With the typically immersive create-a-superstar mode, the level of detail you bring to your grappler is unending, with features for move set customization, and entrances so completely directed you can even choose each camera angle and when to set off pyrotechnics. However, if you want your created star to have a chance in the squared circle against the real wrestlers, you’re going to have to play a t a lower difficulty level. Since you begin with your character at such a low power level in his stats, and the other wrestlers are already established, it makes for some rather one sided fights. Still, it’s all gravy, with the aforementioned sweet new control scheme,
It’s strange, but as I’ve stated before, while I hate wrestling itself, I love wrestling video games. Once again, I have immersed myself in a grapple-tastic title and come out with the championship belt. And once again, I’ve loved every sweaty hairy minute of it. There’s something kind of wrong about that, but oh well.
BLITZ: THE LEAGUE:
WWE SVR 2007:
And thus we end another week. Are we satisfied yet? What’s that? Where’s my stuff about the Wii and the PS3? Well, ZELDA is so long I still haven’t quite finished it yet, so that’s delayed yet again, and I’m not even bothering to try to find a PS3 (I’m not made of money you know). But hopefully, you’re at least statiated this week. Now, I’ll be back (probably in another two weeks”¦ I have to go biweekly during the Holidays due to so many games and so much over-workage elsewhere) eventually. See you then.
THE GAME ON! RATING SYSTEM
Kick-Ass, Right On, Okay, Eh, and Stinker (or Craptacular)
With the approach of the holiday season, I found appropriate entertainment by going to see the Walt Disney Company and producer Cameron Mackintosh’s new Mary Poppins stage musical, which opened in London in 2004, and which arrived on Broadway at the New Amsterdam Theatre this fall. Based on both P. L. Travers original Mary Poppins books and the 1964 Disney movie, the stage musical is another retelling of the tale of the proper but mysterious nanny with supernatural powers who takes charge of the children Jane and Michael Banks.
I know I hinted at it a few weeks ago but I am here today that the entry gates are now open for a new contest (There are some of you who are Lifers at trying to snag something from this Prize Patrol and I admire your shamelss tenacity to get your mittens on something free. Huzzah, good sirs.) and one that I can’t believe I am offering up. It’s not because of the sheer coolness of the prize but since THE FOUNTAIN is easily in my Top 3 for 2006, it’s damn well in my Top 10 for movies that came out post-2000, I am amazed that I am able to give a couple of you out there the chance to own a hand-signed Darren Aronofsky poster for THE FOUNTAIN.
Now, you’ve to work for this win.
Give me an Etch-A-Sketch, a Texas Instruments TI-81 graphing calculator, 10 minutes on Ebert and Roeper to make my case, a fruit smoothie just to keep me hydrated and I can break this movie down to a compelling enough defense as to why A.O. and Roep just missed the mark with their jaunty rip-fest into this deep movie.
Look, I won’t get into why I love this film as much as I do and why I weep for those reviewers who think that Aronofsky is anything less than genuine and earnest but I feel completely stable in my assertions regarding how important this film is to anyone who wants a second opinion about what death, life and love are all about in a way that accessible. All I know is that I’ve got a couple of posters to give out that Darren graciously signed when he was out here in God’s country, Arizona, and I want to give them to you.
All you need to do is tell me one scene that you enjoyed, just one, and make sure it isn’t anything you could pick up simply by watching the trailer. If in doubt, check 
Director: Ed Zwick
Director: Bill Condon
Director: Stefen Fangmeier
Director: Tom Tykwer
From its founding right through the end of the twentieth century, The New York Times would not run comics and did not even employ an editorial cartoonist. Presumably the Times considered comics and cartoons too déclassé for a serious, proper newspaper like itself, in contrast to its tabloid competition. The flagrant exception to the Times‘ rule were Al Hirschfeld’s caricatures of Broadway and Hollywood performers in the Arts and Leisure Section, but Hirschfeld reportedly considered himself an “illustrator,” not a “cartoonist.” In the School of Visual Arts’ current Jules Feiffer retrospective, there is a comics page that Feiffer did for The New York Times Sunday Magazine in 1974 that is satirically presented as the kind of comics the Times would run if it ran comics: titled “Hodgkins of State,” it is an (intentionally) deadly dull policy discussion by two members of the foreign service.
And as soon as I put them on, I loved them. I thought they were cool, I thought they were really lightweight and comfortable. I grew up wearing Vans nonstop. So, to me, they were like a lighter weight Vans and were something different. I liked the style, I was wearing them around and on the last week of my trip I had already contacted a group called 
They just didn’t get it. It made things difficult because they didn’t believe me when I said, to a supplier, “I’m going to buy this much fabric.” Or, “I want to hire you to do this,” and they figured, “Oh, you’re going to make, like, 10 of them and never see you again.” So it was important for me to explain that I was serious and that I had the financial backing to do it. We made the shoes, we made 200 pairs, a couple of little mom and pop makers helped to make the initial pairs. Even after that we just grew upon those and we’re still aren’t in a very large factory; it’s a very small operation.
PEREGRYM: I felt bad that I didn’t have that to contribute because they explained that if I pay the money then they’ll give me a pair and some kid gets another pair too. And, after I walked around, and got to his booth I was really impressed with what the company stood for, and I felt TERRIBLE that I only had $26 to contribute, and I knew there was no way I could take a pair of shoes, I couldn’t even pay for them. So, I was like, “Can you please take my $26 and maybe you can give my shoes to another kid?”
visa to go work with the studio. So, I lost a job, but I couldn’t really cry about it because now I had the chance to go to Argentina.
Once I got down there I was so emotional, and it was so overwhelming to have all these people I cared about, who were dedicating their time and money to be down there to help me fulfill my dream of giving these shoes away to see how touched they were and the joy they experienced in connecting with the kids was the most amazing byproduct of the whole thing.
When you’re working on establishing a brand you, initially, put it in some very unique, select spots and keep it limited to create buzz and that’s what we did this summer. We were in some top boutiques in LA, top boutiques in New York, maybe one or two in Chicago; we kept it kind of limited on purpose to create the buzz. And, now that we have, in the Spring we are going to be in 72 out of 80 Nordstrom’s, we’ll be in every single Urban Outfitters, we’ll be in 30% of the Bloomingdale’s and then we’ll be in over 150 boutiques nationwide.
PEREGRYM: Well, to start something from nothing is not something I would want to do and it’s just difficult because in this industry it just takes a long time”¦you even have an idea of a project it takes years for it to actually go through. I know enough of the right people right now that hopefully this will work out with the next project but it doesn’t really matter what you try to do; it is always in the hands of other people.
Who’s tired of WWII shooters yet? Obviously not Activision. They have good reason not to be, however, as their CALL OF DUTY series is the most popular and best selling series in the genre. So, it’s no surprise that once again they visit familiar ground with CALL OF DUTY 3, out now for PS2, PS3, Xbox, Xbox 360 (reviewed) and the Nintendo Wii. What is surprising is that PC developer Infinity Ward has stepped aside and allowed Treyarch to take the reins. What we’re left with is a mix of the best elements of the series past, with a few new tricks added to the mix, but an overall feeling of sameness.
Firstly, THE SOPRANOS, out for PS2, takes place between the HBO series 5th and 6th seasons and puts the player in the shoes of Joey LaRocca, son of the late rat, Sal “Big Pussy” Bonpensiero. Joey’s you’re typical mook out for a buck by snatching purses, but Tony Soprano puts a stop to that in his neighborhood but quick, and decides to take the kid on in more “legitimate” business exploits.
What at first looked like a cheap GTA knock off (which, in all accounts, is a rip off of the movie SCARFACE, especially VICE CITY) is actually more of a shooter in an open world environment. There are cars and weapons, buildings to enter and enact with, but the main story is very structured, and there’s more combat than anything else. Tony has a decent lock-on system, which you can finely tune to concentrate on specific body parts to shoot. The more serious wound you inflict, the more “Balls” you have. You can even taunt foes as they die, giving you more “Balls” for your meter. Max this meter out, and you’re filled with Tony’s “Blind Rage”, which enters the player into first person mode with all foes automatically targeted, and lets you blow them all away, increasing your health. It’s a good way to save your ass in deep fire fights, and you’ll actually end up using it pretty often.
After a great deal of success with the X-MEN LEGENDS series, developer Raven Software turned it’s sights towards the entire Marvel Universe with a daunting idea: what if ALL the villains teamed up? Players take on the familiar four hero teams and beat down all that oppose them in the typical dungeon crawler fashion made popular in those X-MEN past games. Here, however, there’s more emphasis on team play, as well as team dynamics. Include heroes from already existing teams (such as the Fantastic Four or the New Avengers) and you’ll be given bonuses in health or other stat attributes.
Sadly, the same can’t fully be said for DC’s JUSTICE LEAGUE HEROES. While it too apes the dungeon crawling button mashing style of X-MEN LEGENDS, it’s pedigree is closer to the D&D side of things, as developer Snowblind Studios has it’s heritage with the BALDUR’S GATE series. In JLH, you can choose only TWO heroes to battle through the stages with, and in some cases, the choices aren’t even yours, the game makes them for you.
For the little purple dragon that could, his new game is all about how his story began. As a reboot for the series, Sierra has released THE LEGEND OF SPYRO: A NEW BEGINNING on PS2, Gamecube, Xbox, GBA and DS. Here, Spyro’s story is completely redone. After being rescued by Ingnitius, an elder dragon, he is left to wash away in the river, in the hopes of finding a safe place after Cinder lays waste to the dragon homeland. And he does, being raised by a family of fireflies, with his best bud and “brother” Sparx. One day, his dragon powers start to kick in, and so does his life’s destiny: of being the chosen purple dragon of legend to save the dragon’s once again.
As with DEATH JR II on the PSP, the production value is also high. The cut scenes, while not featuring as recognizable a voice cast, still tell the story quite well, and are some of the best looking scenes I’ve seen for a handheld game. While on a trip in the woods to hunt down a cocoon for a science project, DJ and Pandora accidentally unleash a hellish wood nymph on the land, which ends up capturing DJ’s father”¦Death. It’s up the kids to save pops”¦and everybody else on the planet, naturally.
On the DRAGON BALL Z side of things, however, the same format as before works just as well, and BUDOKAI TENKAICHI 2 (on PS2 and Wii) is the largest game yet in the series. Featuring over 100 fighters from the TV show’s three different series (Dragon Ball, Z and GT) and a storyline that spans the entire 160+ episode run of the Z series, this is definitely a lot of bang for your buck. There’s over 60 hours of gameplay in the main story!
For GRAND THEFT AUTO: VICE CITY STORIES, the fault lies with the series itself. After 9 games of gangsters doing gangster shit, it’s starting to become stale. Still, this story has some legs to begin with. Vince Vance (brother of Lance Vance from the original VICE CITY) has been dishonorably discharged from the military after being caught with his superior officers’ contraband. Back on the streets of Vice City (two years before Tommy Vercetti’s tale) Vince is trying to stay on the straight and narrow”¦but it doesn’t quite work out that way for the big lug. After dealing with a drunken gunrunner and bootlegger, Lance hooks up with his brother and the local drug cartels, and Lance isn’t quite the cool cat yet we’ve come to know. Backstory shapes the characters we’ve been familiar with and every plays out in that familiar GTA style.
While it’s console version takes place after the film and incorporates a similar GTA style, the PSP version actually takes place DURING the film, but it’s execution is a bizarre one. After viewing some lengthy movie scenes directly from the feature, you’re dropped inexplicably into a TURN BASED STRATEGY GAME. Yes. I’ll repeat that. SCARFACE on PSP is a TURN BASED STRATEGY GAME.
Sometimes when I spend weeks working on a certain topic for this column, there are moments of serendipity.
Secondly, I was in Tucson over the weekend. Now, some of you know that I don’t care that much for organized sports, Chicago Cubs excluded as that’s something that exists in my DNA for being 1) born in Illinois and 2) having a predilection for consistently being last in everything.
I took a picture of it and briefly pondered what this really meant to have such a cultural touchstone like the AB fraternity house just disrespected. It should be more than just a place where male students start their journey of pillaging and conniving with their other guy friends, thinly disguising their homosexuality by participating in acts like paddle spanking and elephant walking. I don’t know if I was just being sensitive, overly sensitive, because REVENGE OF THE NERDS was that first comedy which spoke to me on a level that went beyond naked chicks and Dudley Dawson. Shouldn’t there be more awareness of places that should at least be paid some sort of attention and care if for no other reason than to preserve a moment that has meant a lot to so many?
There couldn’t have been a better reason out there for the complete annihilation for this franchise than these two TV movies. What started out as a comedy that really gave us male Gen Xers a movie that we will all be proud of having seen with our dumb little buddies on any given Friday or Saturday night sleepover (Do kids still do these things or have they somehow been outlawed in this age of uncertainty?) and exposed most of us to our first true taste of…exposure of the female variety? I know I can be counted in that vote.
Director: Simon Brand
Director: Various
Director: Joe Carnahan
Alright, let’s hope all of you out there helped to continue America’s reputation as the fattest country in the free world, which, ironically, isn’t but that’s neither here nor there. What IS here, though, is a shortened column this week as I am well aware that the numbers of you who are presently reading this equate to nearly zero, the only people genuinely looking at these letters I’m writing right now is the result of what happens when you have a boss who thinks the day after Thanksgiving is a great time to catch up on all that work you neglected from Monday to Wednesday of this week. Believe me when I say I’ve been there. It’s crap for those who have to work today, it’s enough for you to think that yes you need to look for a new job where you get these one-offs every now and then, and instead of just hanging my keyboard up for the week I want to continue what I’ve been doing for you shackled people of the world for the past two years: giving you new content.
I am taking my mother, father and wife to see BORAT.
Besides this situation reflecting why Dave Chapelle is not the great emancipator of comedy like he truly could have been, and why he’s a whiny little girl, this shows why getting together three different people of varied backgrounds was such a neat idea. The questions bounded everywhere in my mind: “What would they find funny?” “Would they feel comfortable laughing at material that is beyond anything their sensibilities have ever been socked with before” “Would they really be offended by the movie’s main thrust?” or “Would they simply write everything off in this film as just sophomoric, and dismiss any grand notions about what this film says about America as simple overreaching on my part?”
Jack. Jack, oh Jack. Dad would’ve peeled his face for the duration, I would posit, if I would’ve also taken him to the above films. He probably would’ve liked the wire-fu of CROUCHING TIGER but, he no doubt, would’ve bitched like a school girl that he had to read the screen. Yes, dad, they’re subtitles; there are some places in the world that don’t speak “American.” He is a guy, however, that any college dude with a predilection for explosions and the desire for there to be nary a trace of any noticable amount of character development could relate with. He loves STRIPES, ANIMAL HOUSE, THE BLUES BROTHERS. He was a fan in recent years of OLD SCHOOL, WEDDING CRASHERS and even the recent release of OVER THE HEDGE had the man in stiches; the man travels every week by plane so many of his cinematic adventures of late have been sanitized for his protection by the airlines. He has zero desire to see anything daring, in my opinion, and would’ve done well in Roman times when it was all about the bread and circuses and not much else. You all know a man like this, especially one like my father who enjoys absorbing himself in DIE HARD and showing-off his pimp surround system to his other WASP-y friends with the first five minutes to TOP GUN. Someday I hope he understands there has been great strides since TOP GUN was remastered and that the lobby scene from THE MATRIX, the club scene from BLADE or even the opening sequence of SAVING PRIVATE RYAN would allow the paternoster of the family to show how good his built-in system (I mean, the guy had the speakers installed INTO the walls and ceiling) really is.
This is what I was dealing with as the lights went down and I hoped at least someone would see what I did; just one would’ve made this experiment worth while.
Dad: “The rodeo. I thought he was going to get killed or beaten up when he started singing his national anthem.”
[Kids, you know you’ve arrived at a certain plateau in your life when you’re able to share in the frivolity of a good breast milk joke with your mother.]
But I was surprised, four separate times, on my recent visit to the Brooklyn Museum. The introductory wall text for one of its current temporary exhibitions, “Tigers of Wrath: Watercolors by Walton Ford,” stated that “The satirical edge Ford adds recalls artists such as Pieter Brueghel the Elder (Dutch, circa 1525-1569), J. J. Granville (French, 1803-1847), and Robert Crumb (American, born 1943).” In content and visual style Ford has nothing to do with Crumb: Ford is really doing postmodern riffs on John James Audubon’s paintings of wildlife. But yes, Crumb and Ford are both satirists, and I was pleased to see one of the “Masters of American Comics” cited in a museum exhibition of painting.
How can I or even you, as a horror movie fan, NOT just wonder what kind of depravity exists with a movie that has this kind of a tag line at the end of its trailer? It wasn’t until I really took a look at the offerings, individually, of the 
If you get the chance to see the trailer
CHRISTOPHER STIPP: 1) Tell me about why I need to seek out UNREST this weekend. Sell me like you want me to sign on the dotted line without first consulting with the wife and her nagging whining about why we can’t afford it.
ENGLISH: Okay, I just had to look up what on earth Funk and Wagnalls is”¦is that bad? Am I like one of those people on Leno who doesn’t know who the vice president is? (Arnold Schwartsneger, duh!) What ever happened to good ole Webster? I don’t think it’s ever impossible to make a beautiful actress look appropriate for a role, with makeup and wardrobe anything is possible. I think it is more a matter of whether the actress is willing to go there. For Monster, Charlize was willing to truly make herself ugly, not just rub some dirt on her cheeks and pose as usual. She went to a dark, ugly place ““ her facial expressions, walk, and voice were all altered to create the character. An actor who always wants to look pretty regardless of the character will always be limited. An actor who truly wants to embody a character is virtually limitless in my opinion. And those kinds of characters – that’s the good stuff, the stuff I hope for.
In the sense that being paid makes you a professional, yes, that first paycheck definitely gave me validation. On the other hand, I’ve been doing some kind of acting work since I was a kid, so I’ve gotten more validation from being able to turn acting into a real career. My goal when I came out to California was simply to be able to support myself acting without having to get another job. I’ve been lucky enough to do that (although I always thought it would be nice to get the employee discount at Starbucks), and, well, I’m happy! I like my job! A lot of people really don’t ““ so the combination makes me feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing.
ENGLISH: It can definitely be a frustrating road ““ you have to have tough skin because, at least in the beginning, it is all about mostly being rejected. It is nice to have friends who can empathize, and that you can vent to. But typically I don’t like to talk much about work outside of work. In fact, that’s one of the difficulties I’ve found living in Los Angeles. Like I said ““ I’m from Georgia, there are very few actors there, so no one is asking who my agent is and if I have a demo reel when I go out for a glass of wine at night. Not that I am opposed to talking about what I do, I love what I do, but there is an element of competition inherent in any “industry” conversation in this town, and that can make it hard to make real connections with people. Living here, you can never really leave work behind for an evening.
g) Were you one of those drama women in high school that not only knew they were going to be an actress but had to let everyone else know it by affecting some unholy hybrid of Eva Gardner while always speaking in a faux British accent? 
ENGLISH: I, too, am still mourning the loss of Arrested Development. A whole lot of people loved that show!! I really believe that if it had been left on the air, the audience would have continued to grow.
STIPP: Yup. Thankfully it was changed, just coming from my end of things, because it was really difficult”¦in fact, one story involves you.
ARONOFSKY: Not quite. I think it’s always a struggle and I think the film was kind”¦a beginning of an exploration by me to start thinking about these things or at least think about it in a more formal way.
So, as they’re going down this path the ironic thing is that the families, who are healthy, are so indoctrinated into western medicine and science are like, “You’ve got to fight. You’ve got to keep fighting. You’ve got to fight.”
First up is the Xbox 360 version of the newest Tom Clancy title SPLINTER CELL: DOUBLE AGENT. Here, Sam Fisher is just about at the end of his rope; the heir to his title as “sneakiest spy around” has just fouled up in a mission and bit it, and Sam’s daughter has just died in a car crash. With nothing left to lose, Sam takes on some seriously dangerous escapades as he moonlights as a thug in prison and attempts to join the John Brown’s Army, a terrorist faction, all the while still keeping tabs with his associates at the NSA. As you progress through that game’s missions, you’ll have to keep and eye one which company holds you with the most trust. Lose it from either and it’s game over.
So, after all these years, I finally get to play a FINAL FANTASY game. And sure, some fans may argue that XII may not be the one to start with, but it’s the newest, and seems to be the most hyped and most awaited, so here we go.
When the Xbox 360 was announced, one title had gamers salivating in a most Pavlovian way, and they have continued to do so up until this title’s release. Thankfully, all that drool hasn’t been wasted, as this is a game truly deserving of a tubs worth of saliva. GEARS OF WAR has lived up to the hype, cut it up with a chainsaw, and stomped its skull into the curb, and walked away laughing at the non-believers.
I reviewed F.E.A.R. when it was released for the PC a year ago, and as it has now hit the Xbox 360, my opinion still stands: this is a frightening, well-paced game that just about any FPS fan should play. The plot (such as it is) of a Hannibal Lechter wannabe crossed with the supernatural and your “heightened senses” allowing for slow motion and super charged kung fu work exceptionally well here as before, though the repetitive backgrounds, though detailed, may bring some shooter nuts down a bit. Still, the 360 version boasts a new mode in “Instant Action” where players are dumped into a setting with a huge onslaught of enemies and must fight their way to the end. Scores are built on how many enemies killed and how quickly, how many health packs are used and stocked and more, and scores are uploaded to Xbox Live leaderboards, While most will argue about innovation in the title, one can’t deny it’s visceral appeal, and just about any fan of survival horror and first person shooters should give this jump-fest a shot. Its scares may be different than GOW’s, but are none the less worthwhile.
I don’t want to write a review for this movie because I really think that my interview will kind of touch here and there about what I felt after seeing the efforts of six years worth of dedication to a singular story but, suffice to say, I have to say that I already know how you should approach this film. I figured it out after leaving the theater.
This film is the best there is for 2006 and, dare I say it, the real benchmark for every film to follow with regard to what it means to lose a loved one. The movie is sad and it breaks your heart in two, it made me cry just a little, but, by the end, you are allowed to finally breathe in the comfort knowing our protagonist has found what he was searching for.
The music is woven and wrapped around every moment perfectly, the performances are just solid and the way you are brought into a world you’ve never been to before but by the end you understand it completely is sheer craftsmanship. Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz give performances that feel completely devoid of any hubris and are nothing short of emotional believability.
Director: Stanley Nelson
Director: Emilio Estevez
Director: Bent Hamer
Director: Christopher Guest
But then on October 30, 2006, the Times ran an article by television reporter Bill Carter with the headline “It Doesn’t Take a “˜Comic Book Nerd’ to Create a Superheroes Hit.”
1. Go vote this Tuesday. A lot has been made of the apathy that so plagues this generation and I can’t say I don’t agree with how far down we are as a collective voting body on the list of people who actually give a fuck what happens to us as a nation but, please, for the love of all that’s holy, take some time on the way home from work, Lord knows many of us actually have jobs to tend to, and pull that lever. Or punch some chads or, as we do here in God’s country, Arizona, we’ve got to color in arrows. Yeah, we do, I’m not kidding. Democrat or Republican, show those buttheads who think that the Internet is made of tubes, courtesy of Ted Stevens (R-Alaska), and that Internet service providers deserve to charge you more for access based on a promise that tele-co’s would upgrade slow-ass copper wire with fiber optic lines, and have now since reneged on, that you don’t appreciate the liars that are in there now; you want liars in there of your own choosing.
2. Big ups to my man Rich N. who solicited me for a donation recently. 
Director: James D. Stern, Adam Del Deo
Director: Lisa Addario, Joe Syracuse
Director: Irwin Winkler
Director: Zack Snyder