Director: Jesse Dylan
Cast: Will Ferrell, Robert Duvall, Mike Ditka, Kate Walsh
Release: May 13th, 2005
Synopsis: Family man Phil Weston, a lifelong victim of his father’s competitive nature, takes on the coaching duties of a kids’ soccer team, and soon finds that he’s also taking on his father’s dysfunctional way of relating.

Prognosis: Positive. The only thing that Will Ferrell has to fear is being pigeonholed as the “go to” guy for a character that needs to be slightly off from the norm. His performances in recent years have been nothing less than commendable for their ability to raise an average production into something more when they’re entrusted to his brand of comedy. From his recent stint as a crazed ex-Santa helper in ELF and even as Ron Burgundy in ANCHORMAN they both have shown his abilities as a comedic actor. He is really one of the best talents that is actually maturing in an age where EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND or JOEY pass for what mainstream culture demands of its humor.

Thank god for Will.

This trailer starts off interestingly enough. Kids are all frolicking with one another in a series of youth sports. From soccer (I remember sucking at that) to football (I was too big of a puss to even try) to baseball (Let’s face facts…I was once the walk leader for my little league division I was so scared of that white leathery thing) Voiceover Guy let’s us know that these are the things that build character in young children’s lives and it took coaches to instill these values into us.

Cut to Will Ferrell, in a crazy pair of Blublocker shades, telling a pack of small kids to play dirty if they have to, while admonishing them not to get caught if they try, as Mike Ditka looks on, gnashing on his gum as only Da Coach can do. The children go in for the huddle and it seems that soccer is the name of the game in this film.

What comes next, though, is genuinely amusing. A little kid, literally, no more than a few feet tall rolls over a soccer ball. The ball is half this kid’s size. Will Ferrell, short of using foul language, yells at this poor child and at the end of the rant he tells him to, “grab some bench.” Verbal abuse, when put in odd contexts, is an excellent brand of laugh getting that Will seems to have a knack for doing well.

What’s more is Will’s verbal taunting of an opposing team’s player as he trash talks from the sidelines. The abused child eventually goes after Will, even gets him on the ground, and nearly has him crying uncle.

Will then turns his attention to these kid’s parents. Where there has been much made, as of late, of coaches who abuse their positions for their own sake the trailer has Will calling out a parent’s utter lack of respect for himself and makes one of them run a lap.

The trailer ends with his own son, who is on the team, trying to keep his father in check. Will doesn’t see what his son is even referring to as he says he’s doing everything for him and for the two of them to have fun. Herein, then, lies the crux of the film. While things don’t seem to be anything more than just a vehicle for Will to be…well…Will it does seem like a flick, like ELF, that will get parents as well as kids in to his movies.

Is this a bad thing or a good thing? Does having a career essentially built on films that just showcase you while everyone else is really just a supporting character a positive way to move through movies? His stint in BEWITCHED, one of the first times since OLD SCHOOL, will show how he really does with sharing the screen. The thing with that is, though, that I can’t even think why that would be a problem. Will has shown himself capable of melting into the background as well as being at the forefront where the action is. He is all about giving seemingly normal people just that slight quirk that is amusing to the rest of us in an audience but confounds all those who come in contact with him on the screen. So far it’s working well.

Director:Ron Howard
Cast: Russell Crowe, Renée Zellweger, Connor Price
Release: June 3rd, 2005
Synopsis: Set in New York during the Depression, this is the story of James Braddock (Crowe), who takes up boxing to make money to feed his family, and ends up becoming quite famous in the process, eventually going up against champ Max Baer.

Prognosis: Positive Yes, this is one of the most manipulative trailers you’ll see in a long time but, damn, it does it really well.

I wasn’t necessarily a fan of his work in MASTER AND COMMANDER nor was I in love of everything that he did in A BEAUTIFUL MIND (made by the same people here) but this film does feel different in a way that almost makes me feel lured to see what this film can do.

The thing opens up with Russell Crowe getting his ass beat in a boxing ring. Everything about it feels like a period piece and the boxing gloves (the rope tied around those leather mitts) give it all away. The camera moves in slow motion, Russell looking obviously exhausted from the fight, as he falls from the ropes.

The scene dissolves.

Paul Giamatti appears to be Russell’s trainer and the two of them are sitting on the edge of an empty ring. Paul lets him know that he’s getting old, he’s getting slow, and that it’s over. Russell just wants another fight. He looks like a man beaten. The scene dissolves.

Renée Zellweger is his wife and she tells him that she’ll always be behind him; it, too, feels like a sincere statement of love that I somehow manage to take at face value.

“I believe we live in a great country…”

Russell takes the reigns on a voiceover that has little to do with the action on the screen. He appears to be locked out of a factory, along with the rest of the working population there, and it all has the texture and scent of the depression in New York as the foreman of the warehouse shouts out from behind a locked gate that he needs only nine men to work out of the dozens that have shown up. Russell isn’t one of them.

An interesting point of fact here is that even though that Brian Grazer and Ron Howard are the men helming this thing from behind the lens the cards that tell us this are miniscule in comparison to the savage fonts that some directors employ to let anyone within eye shot of their trailer know who’s in charge.

Russell admits in the voice over that he owes everyone money. Renee stands in a snowy alleyway sobbing her eyes out. The man is down as low as one man can get but yet he mentions the things he’s grateful for, with accompanying film to show it: his three healthy “troublemaking” kids and his beautiful wife. You’re so busy looking at the people he’s talking about that you don’t ever sense that the cards that introduce Renee as Renee just blend seamlessly into the background of the narrative. Absolutely splendid.

The trailer ends with us seeing him behind a half dozen radio microphones, this voiceover being a small conceit that hasn’t revealed until the end, and that he’s been talking to the media about how this is his second chance; the last second chance of his career. The feeling I get as things come to a finish is that you don’t really know if this boxer will come out and win this fight. You know everything that’s prelude to this but it doesn’t feel hokey in a way that most sports movies are. It could go either way for this palooka and that’s about as much as you can ask for in a film like this.

The music, as well, gets some extra points for its smooth and ethereal like quality. It carries us delicately from one moment to the next.

Director: Francis Lawrence
Cast: Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Shia LaBeouf, Djimon Hounsou
Release: February 18, 2005
Synopsis: Based on the DC/Vertigo comic book Hellblazer and written by Kevin Brodbin, Mark Bomback and Frank Capello, Constantine tells the story of irreverent supernatural detective John Constantine (Keanu Reeves), who has literally been to hell and back.

Prognosis: Getting Warmer… I know that some of the production issues this film has had in the past have already made people talking heads on the subject of doomed productions. However, it does not take away from the feeling that this film, at the very least, delivers on a visual level when you see this trailer.

I reviewed the teaser way back in May when this film was already slated for a 2005 release. There was a lot that Warner Brothers could’ve done to that teaser or, more importantly, left out in order to really tease the premise of this film. Instead of doing that what do they go and produce? A trailer-worthy cavalcade of images and small snippets of really good bite-sized pieces of eye candy, that’s what.

This new trailer exceeds even my own expectations out of a production that has Keanu Reeves and Rachel Weisz helming the leading roles.

The thing starts off oddly enough. Keanu sits in a very large room in an electric chair. The floor seems like gold linoleum as a guy who could pass for the authentic Huggy Bear tosses a pot full of water onto the floor where it touches Keanu’s feet. (Those of you with a fetish for that sort of thing will be more than delighted at the images provided) Huggy busts a floor lamp light bulb wide open, leaving the center filament intact as it illuminates the already bright space. He asks Keanu if he’s sure about this, to which our “Whoa” man says no. Homeboy jams the lamp downward, Keanu gets some voltage not seen since that one part in FACES OF DEATH or even SHOCKER and we’re off. What’s really special about this trailer is that with this new installment Warner Bros. jams even more visuals for us to consume so it’s really hard to keep things together.

Next, some dude stands before a fireplace; we’re not shown his face but he extends his wings like it’s a deleted scene from X2. We’re offered context at all but it’s just there to be shown.

Weisz stands before Keanu and wants to ask him a couple of questions. She tells him she knows what circles he travels in, that he’s interested in the occult and as we get her voice doing a sort of impromptu voiceover over a scene that shows a woman crawling on the ceiling. This bit has me digging this film even more; any movie where you can get people crawling on ceilings gets my attention for a few more seconds than it really should. It’s an Achilles heel.

In one of the longest scenes provided Keanu is hanging out with a friend of his. The friend has a magic wand of sorts and says the thing contains dragon breath. It’s all well and good until Keanu turns to the side and unleashes a wicked stream of fire from the tip of that thing. I’ll admit, it looks pretty impressive.

It’s about this time when the plot comes into fuzzy focus as Keanu refers to the explanation given in the teaser earlier this year that God and the Devil made a wager for the souls of all mankind; no direct contact, just influence to see who would win. Now, that’s an easy enough plot to understand. Things get interesting, though, when Weisz’ character gets the chance, just like in that sweet film THEY LIVE, to see those that are in possession of one or the other. Mostly, though, it appears that she’s just gonna see those who are ready to tear the world a new one.

There is a nice baptism scene in Keanu’s bathtub where we get a little wet shirt cleavage from Weisz but her femininity is too much to be contained and the tub busts open. This when strange things go afoot near that man’s Circle K.

We’re not really sure what’s happening after this as what we’re given afterwards is the same as from the original teaser where Weisz gets ripped backwards through an office building. It’s a nice effect, regardless.

We’re given intros into all the characters, Keanu’s slapping his arms together in a Wonder Twins sort of way to unleash some unholy hell, Weisz gets hers through a series of personal possessions and other strange occurrences, but this thing does end quite limply with Keanu saying “Go to hell.” I’m sure it’s in reference to something really very dramatic but, still, those kinds of puns need to go away. Quickly.

What can I say but that it actually looks impressive? The same could be said for any other movie that depends too much on its CGI but if Garth Ennis had anything to do with the screenplay this may very well be a good start to the comic book movies of 2005.

Director: Peter Segal
Cast: Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Burt Reynolds, James Cromwell, Walter Williamson, Michael Irvin, Nelly
Release:May 27, 2005
Synopsis: Prison inmates form a football team to challenge the prison guards.

Prognosis: Negative. Ok, so the trailer beings with “Paradise City” by Guns N’ Roses.

Now, I can appreciate the vibe of the song and what it is supposed to connote superficially but wasn’t there nothing made in the ’90s or 2000s that could’ve done the same thing? It really is a small quibble but when I also see that this film is a part of MTV Films I get a little nervous as the marketing for this project will be brutal. Any pre- or recently post-pubescent with any working knowledge of how MTV Films uses its own network to whore their films, as is the case right now with the soon-to-released, COACH CARTER, can attest how you will be an assault of commercials and personal appearances from the film’s line-up on TRL and anything else they damn well own. I know all about synergy and how it’s supposed to help market films but there is that thin line of promotion and the way some make pimping a film a lesson in visual saturation.

About the trailer, though, Sandler starts off by being shown as an inmate inside a prison. 364 days a year they’re chained up and beat down. (I not only like that tagline but I appreciate that Sandler is getting shown getting his ass booted off a bus. It’s oddly satisfying and I rewind that bit a few times just for the visual satisfaction.) For the audience this trailer is catering to it does everything right to help them understand why they need to see this new Sandler product. I’m not criticizing that, but can see how these things are being softballed to a very specific audience.

Sandler is told that another prison has a great guard football league and the warden in charge wants him, and whoever the hell he can get to play, to go up against them. Of course, the prison guards are all beefed out, have huge muscles, have nice uniforms, practice fields, equipment, etc… The prison guards actually appear to be nothing less than a watered down professional football team. What this does is to visually contrast the guys that Sandler, throughout this trailer, is going to try and get to play for him. The first dude, though, looks like a mad meld of Lou Ferrigno and Hannibal Lecter. He’s completely savage and of course he says no when asked to play in this game. Of course, as soon as Sandler says it’s the guards they’re going to go up against he’s all for it.

It’s all about contrast from here on out. The guards are slick, the inmates are clumsy and hapless; the guards have moves while the inmates are inept. It goes back and forth like this for just a few moments while “Two Steps” from Lynyrd Skynyrd plays in the background.

Sandler and Chris Rock get to make a little jokes so everyone knows, if you don’t already know, this is going to be a comedy while Burt Reynolds gets to show up in the trailer to keep with the whole having to bring someone from an old production as an “homage” to the new one; I don’t yet understand why that needs to happen in most any remake nowadays.

And what would an all male football picture be without poking fun at homosexuality? Rock does an answer/response with the guys he’s trying to motivate and tricks one of them to say something that suggests that the guy is a homo. Ha Ha. Great. You know, the sooner that writers can find jokes that don’t depend on trying to harness a dangerous zeitgeist in social thinking like this one does I could more enjoy supporting a film that looks like it’s 90 minutes of pure formula.

As it stands it still looks like it’s following all the things necessary to have a standard opening while having a little latitude to get a few extra dollars should they open this at just the right time in the year when people are looking to fill their time with a little crap at the cinema.

Director: Petra Epperlein, Michael Tucker
Cast: True blue American soldiers.
Release: March 4, 2005
Synopsis: GUNNER PALACE reveals the complex realities of the situation in Iraq not seen on the nightly news. Told first-hand by our troops, ‘Gunner Palace’ presents a thought provoking portrait of a dangerous and chaotic war that is personal, highly emotional, sometimes disturbing, surprisingly amusing … and thoroughly fascinating.

Prognosis: Very Positive. Regular readers out there know of my love for PALM Pictures. They’re a great outfit that gives financial boots to really out-of-the-way pictures that rise above the idea that independent has to equate to stifling, self-indulgent productions. When you watch this trailer you can see that this is a documentary that seems just as relevant now as it was when it was shot.

Quickly, this movie draws you in and gets right to the point as if seconds are too precious to waste. As the screen illuminates we’re treated to a quote from someone from the NY Times and, as is my thoughts on this sort of thing, it gives instant credibility to the production and it makes people linger on just a little longer had it not been there. I could’ve quickly pressed stop and gone on but I liked that someone else had already done the work and seen the film.

A nice baseline starts pumping. The sky is now yellow as a large plane banks on its side and we cut to a US soldier walking backwards, cradling his weapon. We know exactly where this has been filmed without needing an explanation.

We then see another soldier in a bulletproof vest, a flow of words streaming from his mouth as he’s the one rapping over the bass, standing in front of a Humvee; it’s a stark contrast to the more popular versions of current media depictions of the Cristal guzzling misogynists who stand comfortably, and safely, in front of H2s with their hoes in tow.

This is Iraq and a flood of unrest dots the screen. A punk rock tune takes over and the assault is on to showcase the chaos that is military life. It’s vivid, real, and I can’t look away and this is only the first twenty seconds of the trailer.

We’re told that 400 troops set themselves up at a palace once built for Sadaam Hussein. These guys are shown taking advantage of its large interior and pool area for really letting off some of their pent up energy. The music is perfect as troops flounder into a nice looking pool.

Some guys cruise the streets of an Iraqi town at night without their uniforms on and they appear to be just trying to take it all in. A small pack of soldiers, armed, manhandle some unwilling participants in what I can only assume is a raid. Guys are rounded up, ammunition is found, as is a lot of dough, and you begin to see character studies of the real guys who are on the frontline of this war. What’s really interesting to note, apart from one soldiers’ view about how many Iraqis greeted them with open arms a year ago and how now they’re shot at, is at one point in this trailer a soldier lets the camera see one of the vehicles he uses. The truck is outfitted in a slapdash pishposh of heavy metallic objects that are supposed to be his “bulletproofing.” It’s a sad commentary about how these soldiers have to find scrap metal to reinforce their vehicles but, again, it’s chillingly relevant.

What’s also remarkable about this movie is that, as a documentary, there isn’t really a bias that can be traced back to a left-wing liberal or a right-wing pundit. I am appreciative of any story about a conflict such as this but if this is truly a documentary about the soldiers told from the soldiers, as this trailer purports, I would do anything I could to see what it’s really like to be so young and in the middle of a war so heinously out of control.

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