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Pixar’s BRAVE - spoiler free review

I think the title is a mistake.

All the advertising, marketing, trailers, ricketa, racketa, even the first third of Pixar’s newest movie seem to be pushing one singular obvious plot that is nowhere to be found in the movie itself. This isn’t really a bad thing, just a confusing one.

The movie is a scottish period piece, a story about a soon-to-be Queen, Merida (voiced by Kelly Macdonald) who wants a life free from the expectations of her future. She has an overbearing mother, the current Queen (Emma Thompson,) and a very supportive father, the current King (Billy Connolly.) Merida is an expert archer, highly adept at life in the wilderness and is pretty much the antithesis to anything prim and proper. Surrounded by a kingdom of ruthless warriors and the “manliest” of manly scottish men, she is expected to be everything she hates on top of being expected to marry a prince she’s never met. You can see where this is going right? I mean the title, the setup, all of it points to the obvious conclusion that she is going to prove that she is something more than just a pretty smile by her extreme bravery, probably by showing up even the best of the best warriors in the kingdom at some yet to be known task. Right?

I mean look at this poster:


Wrong. I’m glad it’s wrong too. BRAVE is not trying to tell that story no matter how much the marketing and the setup seem to want to. This is a movie about mistakes (much like the title of the movie itself,) responsibility, identity and the relationship of a mother and her daughter. Without SPOILING anythng I’ll just say that the princess tries desperatley to change her destiny and ends up cursing her mother.

I won’t go too in depth with the story, but all of princess Merida’s wilderness and archery skills come into play and her mother sees that she is a much different personality then the one being imposed on her. It’s a very touching story, a very weird tale and even a welcome one, but at the heart of it its not about bravery, sure Merida has to be brave in one scene but it just doesn’t merit the title and the tone of the marketing.

The animation is exceptional, Billy Connolly, Emma Thompson and Kelly Macdonald give great performances. For all of you who were heartbroken at CARS 2 sadly existing, BRAVE will remind you why your standards for Pixar were so high prior to CARS 2. Still, I don’t know if BRAVE is good enough to make up for putting Larry The Cable Guy in theaters TWICE.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter - Review


I’ve never read the book, so don’t expect any perspective involving that.

please carefully study the following Pictures by SharpWriter:





…and you basically just felt the exact tone, joke, and overall absurdly senseless “badassery” of Timur Bekmambetov’s Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. The movie makes little to no sense, doesn’t bother to truly explain the vamps, Lincoln’s powers are ill-defined and the film often defies its own logic and physics.

However, much like the above “internety” photographs of our founding fathers in absurd situations, fighting beasts while forcing them to “deal” with historical documents, this film succeeds on its complete dedication to the joke. It’s the phrase “AMERICA, F!@#$ YEAH!” formed and molded into celluloid. It is both a satire of “American Exceptionalism” and a homage, albeit a silly one, to arguably this nations greatest president.

Benjamin Walker’s performance, regardless how this movie strikes you, is actually quite great. In both body and spirit he embodies a noble, honest figure, which is a pretty impressive feat when you consider he’s surrounded by so much cartoonish action.

Some of the set pieces in this movie, cartoonish or not, pretty much define the term “AWESOME!” for better or worse.


- Abe Lincoln fighting a vampire in the center of a horse stampede? AWESOME.

- Vampires, fighting for the south, during the battle of Gettysburg? AWESOME.

- Abe Lincoln chopping a tree in half with one blow with the power of TRUTH? AWESOME!!!

***************SPOILERS OVER*******************

The movie isn’t that coherent and like I said it defy’s its internal logic, and never really explains the “vampire rules” of its universe, but I enjoyed it none the less for the nuggets of ridiculous that flowed throughout.

Oh, and DON’T SEE THE 3D…something was seriously flawed with the 3D print, it looked to be a victim of extreme DIGITAL NOISE REDUCTION, wide shots looked laughably horrible. I hope the 2D doesn’t follow suit.

It looked like the awful 2010 bluray of PREDATOR, but in 3D:




Earlier this year, when reviewing Cabin In The Woods, I spoke about my desire to reach into Joss Whedon’s nipple abyss, where he keeps his talent, and steal some for myself. This was basically cause I wish I had the idea for Cabin first, well I can say that I’m jealous I didn’t think of Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World first as well.

A light comedy that takes place during the last 3 weeks of the apocalypse , one that doesn’t whimp out in the end, it’s a good idea. Personally, I don’t know if I would consider it a great film, but it’s a very well acted, directed, and funny flick. The comedy isn’t coming from the leads here either, but from the various cameos by T.J Miller, Gillian Jacobs, Rob Corddry, Patton Oswalt, Rob Huebel, Adam Brody and William Peterson of all people. It’s a great cast, and Steve Carrell himself gives a very understated performance that is polar opposite to his Michael Scott.

Please don’t let “THE END OF THE WORLD” part in the title fool you, this isn’t a Michael Bay film, we don’t see much of the chaos and panic and destruction of the world in a storm of mania over it’s end, its only hinted at both visually, audibly, and through suggestion. In fact, that might be my biggest compliment to the film itself, they figured out just the perfect balance to keep the whole affair low budget but without feeling like they were skimping on showing us glimpses of the premise.

Writer/Director Lorene Scafaria doesn’t force armageddon down our throat, the movie knows we get what the apocalypse means, it pushes that aside and tells this small story of one lonely man.

Sadly, I foresee this film disappointing a wide variety of filmgoers expecting either the brash comedy of Carell’s other work, or as I said, a Michael Bay film. If you can except the movie for what it’s trying to be and not what the title would normally make our Hollywood glazed brains envision, it’s worth the price of a ticket.

Ok that’s all for now. I’m Bob Rose and thanks for your eyeball time!



  1. Magnus Gronthulon Says:

    Acheiving it! You are the one!

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