That’s right. I’m back.

The only regular article on the internet entirely powered by the “send friend request” button on MySpace*. Indeed, I will only review bands and musicians who try to become an e-friend with me on MySpace. I will only review them and I will review ALL of them. The good and the bad. And if you have a MySpace profile yourself then you’ll know that the majority of them are fucking terrible.

However, I’m going to attempt to add some light and fun to the mission by forgetting that these fine folks have feelings. Is it wrong of me to be so harsh? Probably, but they spammed me on a social networking site and on the internet these days… there are no rules. I mean, have you seen all that porn?

Sometimes though, I can be just plain wrong and in my last article I credited the guitar work on a song called kick to Chris Geddes and not the artist herself, Femmepop. And while he did feature on the song it was Femmepop who did all the strumming. Apologies to her, and if you’d like to check out the song yourself just head on over to www.myspace.com/femmepop.

While the GRAMMYs were on over the weekend I paid no attention to it whatsoever. Never have so few been nominated so much for so little. All I will mention is that in 2010, The Ting Tings and MGMT are NOT new artists.

But lets see what our 5th stop on the tour has in store for us. Something crap? Something fantastic? Or something fantastically crap?

*To my knowledge and if I don’t know about it, it doesn’t exist.
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LOS FAHINA
www.myspace.com/losfahina

Welcome to your new favourite band.

This seven piece band claim to come from Tabasco, Mexico and are made up of members Juan Lennon, Paolo McCartney, Gringo Starr, Juan Ponchovi, 50 Pesos and Malcolm. In their friend request they tell me “We gratest band in South America, that undenyible”. I don’t know where they are really from, I’m starting to think it’s somewhere in the UK, but I find it hard to disagree with their logic. You MUST listen to them.

They have 4 original songs and 3 inspired covers/parodies. Their play-list opens with “I Like To Do Sexx Up A Girls” and if there was ever a song which could truly give you a taste for what you’re in for, it’s this. With the fantastically fake Mexican accents and rude/bizarre lyrics you will either instantly fall in love or hate them forever. I landed in the former. They would have won me over pretty easily just by covering “Deeply Dippy” (a Right Said Fred song which I have gone on record before to claim is one of the greatest pop songs ever written) but they made it their own once again adopting a very skewed approach to songwriting by making it about a pensioner. The electric keyboard added to panpipes with authentically paced songs (or at least stereotypically paced songs) just creates a style more infectious than any “serious” band I’ve heard in the last couple of years.

I would LOVE to catch Los Fahina live. They play in full get-up including sombreros, ponchos and moustaches. If you check out their picture folders you’ll seen some inspired photo-shopping of the band in different scenarios. My favourite being them outside a shanty EMI building.

Some of the videos are even better than the songs. Just the fact that they covered the theme tune for Home & Away makes them heroes in my book.

Now I don’t want for a second to make the impression that just because these guys are a “comedy” band that the musicianship isn’t there. In fact I might even argue that what they do here takes more skill than the generic rock that I often find doing these reviews. It’s hard to make songs sound as amazingly bad as they do here.

Catchy, witty and all round entertaining. I can’t say enough things to encourage you to go check out Las Fahina. Just do it already! It’s criminal that their site hits are so low.

Presentation = 4/5
Content = A good amount of videos and songs.
Music = 4/5
Friend Request = ACCEPTED!

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POWERAGE
www.myspace.com/powerageband

Powerage hail from New South Wales, Australia and are made up of two sets of brothers whose ages range from 13 to 19. Now this is an important point as it really effects my review of this band in both positive and negative ways.

The type of music that Messrs Crawford and Minett play is essentially 80s metal. The sort of thing you would hear Iron Maiden or AC/DC do. In fact the lead singer has a little hint of Bruce Dickinson in him. Now if you’re not familiar with 80s metal it’s essentially about partying hard and seeing women as objects. What was beautiful about it was that you genuinely believed that the bands of that era lived the rock and roll lifestyle to it’s fullest. If they weren’t in a pool with naked women and a sunken Lamborghini, well you were disappointed. Most of those guys died trying to live up to our expectations. So I find it strange that such young guys as Powerage are play this sort of thing as well as they do.

Their songs like Rock Star Living sing of “wasted youth”. An interesting lyric to use considering they’re currently living their own. The music is convincing, it’s clear that they have been raised on the source material (in fact you’ll see a picture of their dads in one of their folders and they look like survivors of the industry themselves). The boys can even be seen in vintage rock t-shirts in nearly all their photos but it’s hard to see past that they’re singing about things they don’t know. Most of the bands they mimic burnt out before they were born. Which begs the question why they refer to themselves as “modern rock” more than once on their profile page when it’s clearly classic rock they’re playing.

But I feel I’m being harsh on Powerage. They play well and can only improve with such time on their side so if they’re more than competent now it will be fascinating to see where they go from here. There is a worry that a band formed so early in years will only drift apart as the young men find themselves. How many of us still love to do now what we did when we were teenagers? And looking at porn doesn’t count.

At the end of the day though, despite their quality, I find it hard to take a rock band seriously if I feel it inappropriate to say “fuck” around them.

Presentation = 3/5
Content = A nice balance of stuff but maybe too much promo info.
Music = 3.5/5
Friend Request = DENIED!

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THE SHEAVES
www.myspace.com/thesheaves

The Sheaves throw up a conundrum to me. I’m new enough to this music review lark, this is only my fifth in a series. Sometimes the band make it easy for me to review them by being utter shit. Others are fun or impressive and I struggle to find the words that can convey the special tight feeling in my pants which they give me. And then there are the likes of The Sheaves. I really don’t know what to make of them.

This group of experienced musicians categorise themselves as “Rock / Alternative / Psychedelic”. Now we don’t get too many bands around here who describe themselves as being psychedelic without a tongue planted firmly in cheek but I can tell that these boys are aiming for that mantle. I would describe them as stoners if I didn’t think the term “hippy” was more appropriate. Now I’m not for a second suggestion that these upstanding men from Tennessee take part in any illegal narcotics but I’d make a bet that their basement smells of incense.

I’ll try listing the positive things and negatives separately.

Positive: They have an unusual sound. They obviously are good musicians. The recording quality of these songs, for an unsigned band, is pretty good. They have up to 5000 plays on some songs so they must have good support. It’s clear that they conduct themselves professionally.

Negative: The lead singer’s voice bugs the hell out of me. Most songs go on too long, by a couple of minutes in some circumstances. Some of the lyrics are a bit too soft rock for me, for example in the song Take Care Of Yourself “check in with your mother when you can”… really?

What’s my conclusion? I have no freaking idea. But I know they’re not for me so at the very least I do know what button to press.

Presentation = 2/5
Content = No videos but a lot of songs. Two playlists worth in fact.
Music = 3/5
Friend Request = DENIED!

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JENNI SCHICK
www.myspace.com/jennischick

Ok, so here are the 10 things I’m going to assume/guess/make-up about Jenni from the little information that is presented here.

1) Jenni was known for singing in high school. In fact, she was probably one of the best singers in her school choir (which I also assume she was in).
2) Jenni has probably worn cowboy boots at least once in her life.
3) No-one has ever told Jenni that maybe music isn’t the career for her.
4) Jenni will most likely get upset if she reads this review.
5) I’m going to take a wild stab and say these songs were recorded in her music class or her shower.
6) She was in a long distance relationship.
7) She doesn’t know how to spell “apology”
8) She should really stick to singing classical music.
9) Jenni is probably tired of “schtick” jokes.
10) Jenni will not see me on her friends list.

Presentation = 0/5
Content = Not a lot. I don’t think she knows how to use MySpace too well.
Music = 1/5
Friend Request = DENIED!

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BEN PEEL
www.myspace.com/benpeel

Ben Peel is a young man from Bradford, England. He has played in quite a few bands apparently. Six are listed in his “about me” section. I’m always fascinated by the names people choose for their bands and my favourite one that Ben has been in is The Hot Crustacean Band – always a good thing.

The reason why I mention the fact that he is in other bands is because I think he is probably best utilised in a group.

Ben’s music is part-mod, part-Britpop. There is a clear influence from the likes of The Kinks and in equal measure a sound synonymous with bands such as James and The Las. At least, that’s what I’m hearing from it but I guess a lot of Britpop was inspired by the mod generation so it’s not surprising there is a lot of cross-over there. Either way, this sort of thing is right up my alley.

He shows a lot of promise. Simple messages mixed with catchy tunes and a real feeling of that “working class hero” ethos that English northerners have pumping through their veins from birth. Some good music is hampered for me by pretty rough vocals. If I heard Ben Peel singing in the night I would throw a bucket of water over him. This is where I go back to my original idea that Ben Peel might be better suited to being in a band. He’s a good song writer. Has some great concepts for a songs sound but god damn it he needs a better singer.

Which is a shame really because if the singing here was of a better quality, and not even a largely higher quality just a bit better, then I think I might have got much more excited by what I was listening to. Unfortunately my interest was fleeting. However, there are only three songs on parade here. With more I could be convinced otherwise.

I should pop back in after some time and see how Mr. Peel has progressed.

Presentation = 3/5
Content = Not a lot. But it’s early days, the page isn’t even up 6 months yet.
Music = 3/5
Friend Request = DENIED!

-If you dare to have your music ripped apart by a button clicking maniac then just send a friend request to Aaron at www.myspace.com/aaronhbp. As long as his laptop doesn’t decide to commit suicide again you’ll have your music reviewed, for better or worse.

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