CARSON CITY – Sunday morning is quiet time at the Bunny Ranch. The crisp mountain air rejuvenates the lungs after a night of breathing in a whirlwind of carnality. The parlor is tidy so there’s no remnants of Saturday night’s parties. The space is so calm that you can imagine cloistered monks nearby. The silence is broken by the occasional buzz at the front gate.
Who goes to a brothel on Sunday morning? Perhaps it’s someone who went to church on Saturday night and needs to occupy his time until the NFL pre-game shows hit the air? Why should wide receivers have exclusive rights to groin pulls on the Sabbath?
The other sound we hear while roaming the peaceful hallways is the distinctive laugh of Bunny Love as she watches The Colbert Report in her room. Sean Hannity filmed at the Ranch last year. When will Colbert visit to make his What Makes America the Greatest Country in the United States special?
The big event this morning is waffles. Even in a den of iniquity, there’s the sweet smell of batter hitting the griddle. Bunny Ranch owner Dennis Hof has made this a traditional brunch staple since he and many of the girls have fond memories of Sunday waffles. This isn’t merely a Cathouse, it’s a Cathome.
The Party Favors conversation with Hof continues with a discussion of who came up with the HBO Cathouse series. Turns out Showtime screwed up. The show has really been a phenomenal recruiting tool for both clients and future Bunnies. The stock market was going to hell during our visit. Hof discusses what he has done to make sure that Wall Street’s woes won’t translate to a drop in business. Like the government, he wants to keep stimulating America.
Having spent too many nights in strip clubs, my line of questioning turned to how the atmosphere at the Bunny Ranch is much more relaxed. The women aren’t teasing to drag you into the champagne room. There’s no massive ex-football lineman eager to break your fingers for touching the talent. You get to relax and know the women. There is a pole in the parlor in case you need to see a twirl or two. And unlike a strip club, there is sex in the champagne room. Dennis also elaborates on how the internet is more important than ever for the women to secure dates.
Hof explains what happens to a Bunny that falls in love with a guy who isn’t earning with his hands what she was collecting on her back? Women are able to admit to their parents that they work at the Bunny Ranch thanks to the success of HBO’s Cathouse. It’s not like they have to admit that Brent Owens wrote a poem in their honor. Finally I ask the big question: When did Dennis become a stud?
The third and final part of this monumental interview will be part of our Thanksgiving spectacular. Learn about all the big changes at America’s Cathouse. We’ll also spend time with Brooke Taylor. She’s juggling a music career with her day job. There shall be kind words about our personal guide, Danielle Luciano. Plus a very special visit from Charo!
THE PRICE OF FAME
My phone won’t stop ringing with urgent calls from producers for Dr. Phil, Tyra and Jerry Springer. Once word of the Party Favors visit to the Bunny Ranch hit the web, they want to book me as a guest. Who wouldn’t want a very special episode entitled: “Husband took pregnant wife to brothel for their wedding anniversary!”
I can’t deny that it happened.
The traditionalist in me demands a visit to Chi-town so I can defend myself to a crowd chanting “Jerr-E! Jerr-E!” Dr. Phil would be hard since the entire time I’d be fighting from impersonating the old side o’meat. “I didn’t do anything to my wife that she wouldn’t have done without the assistance of the ether.” Tyra is just too damn tempting. Her producer has hinted that Tyra will spend most of the interview rubbing my bald head. If my wife is also palming my dome with Tyra, I will count that as a menage de trois. I’m easy.
BELAUGH BECRY BEGONE
Now that it’s out of previews, reports confirm that Criss Angel’s Believe at the Luxor is the biggest bomb to hit Nevada that wasn’t government funded. He might be the only performer that’s openly hated in Sin City. When we got on the shuttle bus at the airport, our driver talked trash about the goth magician. He was happy to quote the bad buzz. The guy at “Half-Priced tickets” slammed the show based what a pal told him. When I asked waitresses about the show, they warned me not to waste my time or money on a “TV magician.”
In all my time in Vegas, I’ve never heard anyone in the tourism industry completely trash a new show. They’ll cushion the negatives by discussing how hard it is to open a show and getting the kinks out during the previews. There’s always optimism in their voice. They know that a good show brings people to the city. Vegas needs tourist dollars. But they couldn’t resist mocking Angel and his besmirching the reputation of Cirque du Soleil. Rumor was that this might be the first Cirque du Soleil show to completely fail on the Vegas strip. The stories were so bad that I had to see it. How could I resist a trainwreck that supposedly ended with Angel screeching out the theme to Mindfreak? I wasn’t going to pay full price. Normally I’d beg for a press pass, but I didn’t want to feel obligated to review the show if the badness chased me out of the theater.
Turns out the Half Price ticket place had no discount offer for Believe. I roamed down to the Luxor to see if the box office had a bargain deal. They wanted $65 for the nose-bleeds. I wandered about the hotel looking at Angel’s designer motorcycle and car collection. What’s the point of owning a motorcycle if you’re putting it beneath glass? On the way out, they had “contest” to win Angel’s old car. The top of the ticket promised 2 for 1 tickets. While enjoying a drink, a Luxor waitress said you could get tickets for $20 a pop. I thought I was set with the coupon. For $20, I’d bring the old lady to see the Magical Cheese. However the woman at the box office told me that the coupon didn’t work for them. I had to take it “there.” She pointed at the counter for a time-share joint. The time-share folks informed me that I could get Criss Angel tickets for $20 each if I brought my wife on a tour of their new place. There was no way I was going to pay $40 plus 3 hours of my life to sit through 95 minutes of dancing rabbits. The box office remained staunch that the best deal they could give me was $130 for 2 tickets. For half that price I took my wife to Bouchon for brunch.
I can neither personally confirm nor deny the Criss Angel trainwreck. Why pay fat dollars for a skinny premise? Nobody said there was an number that had to be seen to be believed in the act. Supposedly the biggest magic trick of the production was making the Luxor decide he’s worth $85 for a 10 year contract. If Believe vanishes from the Luxor Pyramid, it might be Angel’s only illusion that gets a standing ovation.
ZILCH
How could they have stopped making Zima? What about the children? I can’t believe something so bad lasted so long. Zima always tasted like a dead gin and tonic. Back to Fresca and Canadian Club for me.
CHECK ONE AIR
Does anyone really want to book passage on an airlines run by rock band roadies? The Sprint ad makes it look good. But what’s the reality? You want to know the penalty for checking a 51 pound bag? How about all the overhead bins filled with empty bottles of Jack Daniels? Where do they touch when you set off the metal detector? Bring kneepads if you want an aisle seat on Air Roadie.
BLU-RAY LOVE
Planet of the Apes Blu-Ray restores the glory to the original film that unleashed monkey-world domination-mania. They have cleaned and restored the print to make it look mint. This is an evolution from the original DVD release. If you ever want to understand the advantage of a 1080p transfer, look at the clouds and desert landscape at the start of the film when Charlton Heston and his crew search for civilization on this new planet. The detail in the vistas shine like you are part of the team. The best part about the first Apes film is that the simian masks are still fresh so the seams don’t shine. If you have a Blu-ray player, you’ll notice the difference. They’re offering each film separately or in the Planet of the Apes: 40th Anniversary Collection. Monkey maniacs will be thrilled with the extra violent scenes snipped form Conquest of the Planet of the Apes have been restored. This was the film where the apes revolted from their human masters. It reflected the violence that was erupted in the urban areas of America at that time. This scary film now packs a visual punch that matches the ape emotions.
Kung Fu Panda Blu-ray makes this CGI martial arts flick shimmer with the action. Like other CGI flicks, the 1080p is the only way to purchase it for your collection. You get all the detail from the programmer on the HD screen. There’s a gorgeous level of color to this Asian based comedy about a Panda who wants to prove he can kickass like slimmer animals. The idea of a chubby guy throwing around karate skills isn’t that unusual. Sammo Hung. This is also the first Jack Black film in a long while that didn’t annoy me. This is the best film ever about Panda’s beating down slimy creatures.
Secrets of the Furious Five is a bonus DVD that comes bundled with the DVD of Kung Fu Panda. The Kung Fu Critters return in this 25 minute animated short that seems to be the pilot for a TV series. The Panda must teach a class to a bunch of newbies. He spends most of the time recounting the adventures of his buttkicking team. Jack Black and Dustin Hoffman provide their voices to the project.
Tropic Thunder Unrated Director’s Cut Blu-ray is a film that shines for the talent of two stars: Tom Cruise and Danny McBride. If it wasn’t for their unexpected comic performances, this film would have been a complete mess. Cruise is the studio head who realizes that Ben Stiller’s latest film would be more profitable if he’s killed by an Asian drug lord. He’s done up to be Tony Kornheiser’s sexy brother. His dancing scenes rank up there with his moves in Risky Business. McBride is the explosive’s expert who blows away Stiller and Jack Black. Only Robert Downey Jr’s extreme actor can keep up with McBride. He gets even more moments to shine with this unrated cut. Stiller is the extremely weak link in his own film. He doesn’t even play a character during the notorious “Full Retard” scene. It’s like he thinks Downey is merely running lines. The best reason to grab this in 1080p Blu-ray is a chance to experience McBride’s cast interview in HighDef. You’ll swear he’s sitting in your living room. You might offer him a beer.
DVD SHELF
Futurama: Bender’s Game is the third of the movies revived the series. This is a Dungeons and Dragons geek out complete with an extremely magical polyhedral dice set. The fate of the universe rattles in Bender’s metal hand. Plenty of laughs for fans of Lord of the Rings. Things get really topical with a plot about out of control fuel prices. Can Bender save the universe via his love of mythical creatures? There’s a fantastic spoof of demolition derbies with iconic spaceships getting battered around the arena.
Mind of Mencia Season 4 Uncensored unleashes the 10 latest episodes minus those pesky “booooop” noises. Carlos Mencia goes to town on Owen Wilson’s suicide attempt. He’s points out that we’ll know things are bad in America when Mexicans decide its not worth the effort to sneak over the border. His spoof of Indiana Jones as a guy stealing 40 ounces of Holy Grail malt liquor glistens. Only Carlos dares to create a kiddie show aimed at the Darfur market. Creation of the Asian version of Jesus will upset your great aunt. Carlos keeps up the troublemaking. The 2 DVD set contains deleted sketches and clips of him talking to the audience during the commercial breaks. He gets really blue with his brother when the cameras aren’t supposed to be rolling.
Scrubs The Complete Seventh Season is a true necessity for fans of the show. Between the writer’s strike and NBC being ticked off at losing the series to ABC, these 11 episodes of Scrubs were run without any sense of time or order. NBC ran the second to last episode as the finale since it looked like the series had wrapped up. It’s practically a lost season. The big change for J.D. (Zach Braff) is the birth of his baby. Is he ready to be a daddy? Will Elizabeth Banks marry him? Is he going to hook up with Sarah Chalke? Will the Janitor kill him and sell the baby on ebay? How hell does the Todd always look excited while unleashing the crotch jokes? Is Robert Maschio worshipped in frat house shower rooms? To get a sense of the bonus features, here’s some bloopers.
The Boys in the Band was the first studio film to deal with openly gay characters. The action takes place at a birthday party where the claws get sharper as the bar gets drained. Imagine a roomful of Paul Lyndes that aren’t trying to act butch to impress Peter Marshall. That’s the acid wit that gets flung around. Part of the issues facing these men is the fear of being forced out of the closet into the straight world at the end of the ’60s. There’s a commentary track from director William Friedkin. A 45 minute long documentary about The Boys in the Band‘s making helps set the historical context and cultural impact.
Gonzo: The Life and Work of Hunter S. Thompson proves there was a time when a writer from Rolling Stone magazine mattered. Alex Gibney’s documentary follows his rise in the new journalism movement of the ’60s culminating in three great non-fiction books: Hells Angels, Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Johnny Depp reads Hunter’s words as we follow his wild ride of a life. The drugs, the women, the guns and the politicians get their due. The film focuses on what made the good doctor a legend to college journalists. He dared to make himself an equal partner with the subjects in his dispatches from the road.
Star Trek: The Original Series Remastered Edition Season Three wraps up the High Definition rebuff. Purists will complain about the old models behind replaced by CGI spaceships. Those who want to enjoy the show will no longer have to squint their eyes to avoid seeing the stray piece of fishing line. Spock and Kirk have never looked richer in color. The third season opened with “Spock’s Brain.” An alien steals Spock’s brain and Kirk has to retrieve it. You know what steals my brain? A fifth of Jack Daniels and a bag of pork rinds. “And a Child Shall Lead Them” has an early performance from Pamelyn Ferdin. She worships an evil angel played by uber-lawyer Melvin Belli. After this performance, Belli would help the Rolling Stones set up the deal to play Altamont. This adds a dimension to Gimme Shelter. The final episode, “Turnabout Intruder” has Kirk’s body hijacked by an ex-lover. The real prize of this set is an extended version of “The Cage.” This was the original pilot with Captain Pike running the Enterprise. The late Gene Roddenberry intros the episode.
Comedy Central Salutes George W. Bush reminds us all that this president was an inspiration to humor no matter how grim he made reality. The channel used him as the main character for That’s My Bush and Lil’ Bush. Did Clinton have that much series action? Ford? Nixon? Carter? Bush’s daddy? They have episodes from each series. There’s also the South Park where the boys have to deal with W. while investigating rumors of 9/11. There’s also an animated segment from Last Laugh ’07. Lewis Black, D.L. Hughley and Dave Attell shrink themselves down to go inside W’s ass. Can they survive this Fantastic Journey? They find W’s brain in the wrong place. Last Laugh ’06 has Lewis Black giving W. the business for his facial expressions never match the tone of the words he’s saying. Not to leave Dick Cheney out of this “farewell” DVD is The Root of All Evil that has the Vice President battle Paris Hilton in Lewis Black’s courtroom. I predict that next year you’ll see W. as the guest of honor for Comedy Central’s Roast. There’s even a nice poster to hang up on your wall as you mark down W.’s final days in the White House.
The Odd Couple The Final Season wraps up one of the most underrated brilliant sit-coms. What a relief it is that all five seasons made it onto DVD so swiftly. The premise is simple enough, two divorced guys share an apartment. Oscar (Jack Klugman) is a sportswriting slob. Felix (Tony Randall) is an anal photographer. They are constantly giving each other the business. The final season has the most jawdropping of shows – Felix’s teenage daughter runs away to be a groupie for Paul Williams. She wants to nail “The Rainbow Connection.” Howard Cosell mouths off in “Your Mother Wears Combat Boots.” Felix attempts to sooth Howard into letting Oscar become a guest announcer on Monday Night Football with an opera angle. Is this how Tony Kornheiser got in the booth? Neil Simon makes a cameo, but I won’t say in what episode to keep you surprised. Leif Garret makes a couple appearances as Felix’s son this season. I hope Leif isn’t still pissed at mentioning our meeting at Hooters. The final episode wraps up the series in a way that we expected from Cheers, Seinfeld and MASH. Rediscover the joy of Felix and Oscar with this final fling.
Gomer Pyle U.S.M.C.: The Final Season gives everyone’s favorite marine an honorable discharge right as Vietnam got interesting. Did you know that Jim Nabors was close to 40 when he called an end to the series? These new sharp transfers reveal how they dyed his hair black so he didn’t look twice as old as the other marines. The season starts off with a bang when Sgt. Carter (Frank Sutton) sells his car to Gomer. But it’s not a simple deal since Sgt. Hacker (Allan Melvin) was originally supposed to buy it. He pranks Carter into thinking his car gets more mpg than a hybrid. Duke (Ronnie Schell) returns with a promotion to be corporal to Carter’s unit. He doesn’t quite bring calm to the barracks like Cpl. Boyle (Roy Stuart). “Flower Power” has Rob Reiner as a hippie. He turns an expensive military vehicle into a VW microbus. It’s sad to see the end of Gomer’s tenure at Camp Henderson, but they must have retirement age for privates.
Hawaii Five-0: The Fifth Season contains the best episodes of the entire series with three part “‘V’ for Vashon.” McGarrett (Jack Lord) and his crew have to tangle with three generations of a crime family that have ruled the islands’ underworld. This is prime cop work as the force tangles with Harold Gould’s dad and son. “The Jinn Who Clears the Way” has Wo Fat destroy a noble family using a son’s betrayal to secure defense equipment. McGarrett swears this is his moment to finally cut away the fat. The big change this season is the loss of Kono (Zulu). He is mysteriously dropped from the force. Det. Ben Kokua (Al Harrington) fills in without a missing a beat. He seems like a younger version of Det. Chin Ho Kelly. He does McGarrett’s bidding without hesitation. The strange thing about the series is Jack Lord looks tough in his blue suit, but his “native clothes” makes him look like Bea Arthur’s older sister.
Streets of San Francisco: Season 2, Volume 2 is cop action for people who don’t want to cross the Pacific. Karl Malden (Mr. American Express) and Michael Douglas (Basic Instinct) are the buddy cops keeping the Tenderloin safe. The series was shot on location so it’s not merely Los Angeles backlots and Frisco b-roll. If you have fond memories of the land of Rice-A-Roni, you’ll enjoy the views around the crime scenes. “The Runaways” has Larry Wilcox raising his orphaned siblings in a squat. Wonder if his time with Malden made him aspire to be a TV cop on CHiPs? “Blockade” terrorizes women with Charles Martin Smith as suspect in a rape/murder. Who knew that Toad could have murdered Candy Clark in American Graffiti? Cheryl Ladd appears in this episode along with Film Noir icon Ida Lupino. Another great 12 cases that remind us while Michael Douglas’ hair rivaled Jack Lord’s coif.
The Ultimate Ride Shaun White bring the gusto of the Flying Tomato to the small screen. This is an exotic adventure as White heads into the Japanese wilderness to find untamed mountains to snowboard. Not since Godzilla has a monster devoured the countryside of this ancient country. After watching this, you’ll be ready to claim your own neighborhood slopes once it snows.
Inside Access: Mike Tyson returns us to a time when he brought glory back to the heavyweight title. The discs include many of his early fights since most didn’t even last the first round. Iron Mike was a fierce force. Then he met Don King and the rest is in the court records. But this DVD set doesn’t focus on the trainwreck with the face tattoo. This set is for those who want to study the most destructive puncher in the sweet science.
Hannah Montana: The Complete First Season is perfect to keep 7 year old girls occupied. The 26 episodes will keep the kids trapped in the family room. Being a loyal watcher of The Soup, I had to see the Miley Cyrus showcase. By day she’s a normal school girl. At night she’s international superstar singer. And like Batman, only a few people know of her dual identity. How can none of her classmates not suspect she’s Hanna Montana? None of them notice that their friend has the same smile and nose. Is she really going to school with kids who have had botched Lasik surgery?
High School Musical DVD Game and Hannah Montana DVD Game are two great ways keep kids busy this holiday season. All they need to do is work the DVD remote control and barely carry a tune. High School Musical allows them to singalong with Zac Efron (the new Frankie Avalon) and Vanessa Hudgens (the new Gina Gershon). Do they think they have that Wildcat spirit? The game does not explain Ashley Tisdale. Hannah Montana has a major trivia game. Plus there’s a choreography class so they can perform eight different routines. For parents, this means hours of “look at me dance” hilarity. There’s plenty of songs for singing along. A bonus game has you audition for the drummer position. Shame you can’t audition for atmosphere coordinator. This is a really sweet way to get the kiddies to stay in the family room and away from the grown ups table on Thanksgiving.
Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (MXC) Volume Four & Volume Five is essential viewing for two original episodes from Japan. The nearly hour long episodes of Takeshi’s Castle from the mid-’80s are even more freaky than the Spike TV 30 minute adaptations. Kenny Blankenship is even more clueless in his native tongue. Guy LeDouche has always been a douchebag. The things he tries to do to female contestants would have him up on charges in America. Also you’ll discover that there are no teams in the original version. It’s survival of the fittest. The second bonus episode has them head up to the mountains for a wintery challenge. There’s also 26 episodes of MXC from Spike. How can you resist watching Japanese people getting slammed in the dome on Sinkers and Floaters? Earthquake Grandpa has become my new favorite game thanks to this DVD.
Wu: The Story of the Wu-Tang Clan briskly sums up the history of the major rap conglomerate. They were 9 rappers from Staten Island aching for a break in the early ’90s. They were brought together and accepted the Kung Fu theater influences of the GZA. This group identity made them a force in both size and merchandizing. Ol’ Dirty Bastard became a trainwreck with his demons overtaking his skills. Director Gerald K Barclay hung with them and shot their first video. His footage gets us inside the action of the time instead of forcing us to just listen to talking heads reminisce. This is the perfect documentary if you’ve wondered about the Wu Tang references on The Dave Chappelle Show.
Paramount has launched the Centennial Collection in which the pride of their vault will be issued in two DVD sets. They’ve created new transfers for this series that appear richer and sharper than the early editions. Sunset Boulevard: Centennial Collection is the complete must have for people who buy 1001 Films to Watch Before Your Arteries Burst From Popcorn Butter. William Holden is a down on his luck screenwriter who hides from his creditors in the mansion of a silent movie star (Gloria Swanson). Buster Keaton has a cameo. Things go completely weird when she turns him into her housepet. The second disc of bonus features cover Holden, Swanson, the film and director Billy Wilder. Sabrina: Centennial Collection reunites Holden with Wilder, but this time the love interest is the much more youthful Audrey Hepburn. His rival for her affection is Humphrey Bogart. How can a woman pick between Bogart and Holden? My favorite special feature on this is a documentary about Paramount’s output in the ’50s. Roman Holiday: Centennial Collection now allows Hepburn to tease Gregory Peck. She was a tantalizing treat during this time. The best bonus feature on here deals with blacklisted writer Dalton Trumbo. These are great gifts for young cinephiles.
7th Heaven: The Seventh Season brings more clean cut family drama to the small screen. The big crisis revolves around the Reverend dad (Stephen Collins) having a double bypass. His recovery makes him want to retire from the ministry. Will this end the series? Don’t panic too hard since there’s still four more seasons to go. Seventh Heaven only went off the air last year.
Noelle is a unique Christmas film. During the holiday season, a Catholic priest arrives at Cape Cod church in an attempt to see if the parish needs to be shut down. He finds his old seminary classmate in charge of the place. The numbers of people in the pews has been dwindling. But those that remain are devoted. Director/star David Wall’s tale takes a twist on the normal religious holiday film. Can his priest quit being a beancounter and see the true work being done in the name of the baby Jesus?
Comments: 1 Comment
One Response to “Party Favors: The Bunny Hop”Leave a Reply |
November 19th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
[…] Vote Party Favors: The Bunny Hop » Quick Stop Entertainment […]