Calling all coding type peoples, across the lands and valleys of this world. We call upon the Code Monkey Army. Quick Stop needs you. We want your brains. Well, not permanently. And there’s no formaldehyde involved. Here’s the deal.

There’s two things we need for the site to make it even spiffier than it is now. And we could probably figure out how to do it ourselves, reasonably clever bastards that we are, but we’re good at typing up content. Not necessarily figuring out code and how to smack it around.

So we can either keep typing up code or spend hours and hours trying to figure this crap out for ourselves.

We’ve made our decision. And that’s where you come in.

We have two missions that we want to outsource to you. If you are the first person to successfully complete one of these missions, you win A Big Box O’ Swag. And if you know the reputations of the illustrious Ken Plume (and me, but it’s Ken’s stuff, so) and also Quick Stop, you know that we are not stingy with the swag.

Therefore, your missions, should you choose to accept them, are thus:

1. .htaccess. Is there a way to set it up so that no matter where my browser goes to find a particular file, it gets redirected to a single location? Example: I would really like to get anytime somebody tries to view shoggothinabikini.jpg, no matter where they’re looking on the site, to go to http://asitecalledfred.com/shoggothinabikini.jpg. So whether it’s …/wtfwasthat/shoggothinabikini.jpg or …/myeyesmyeyes/shoggothinabikini.jpg, it all points to one file in one location. Is that possible? If so, your mission is to give us the code to make that happen.

2. Fancy quotes. Whether you call them fancy or smart, they are shit. We hate them. Smart quotes eat kittens when you’re not looking. Cute. Little. Kittens. They must be stopped. (The quotes, not the kittens.) Them and their evil allies, the smart ellipses, the smart apostrophes, and the smart dashes. They’re a gang of fancy-ass punctuation, causing chaos wherever they roam. Trouble is, having to do a find and replace all for smart quotes to regular quotes is a pain in the ass, kittens notwithstanding. We know WordPress has the ability to “fancy-ize” regular quotes, but how can we get WordPress to “unfancy-ize” smart quotes? In other words, anytime there’s a smart quote in a post, we want it to automagically change it whenever the post is generated on the site and viewed by you, the lovely public. This needs to be some functional code that we can slap somewhere, preferably in a functions.php file.

Remember: first person to successfully give us a BULLETPROOF, 100% ROCK-ON solution wins A Big Box O’ Swag. That’s a Box PER SOLUTION. So if you fix both, you can win TWO, TWO Big Boxes O’ Swag! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Get on it, friends. You are clever, else you wouldn’t have read this far. And you are legion. So thanks in advance.

Send your solutions to mail at quick stop entertainment dot com.

Comments: 1 Comment