When I started last week’s column I stated that it was one of the bleakest weeks of TV viewing. I’m glad I said “one of” because I fear that we have at least one more week, including this one, to endure.

Unless you live under a rock then you are aware of the titan of a show that is American Idol. This year they are bringing back last year’s charity fiasco: Idol Gives Back. The name itself really bothers me because Idol doesn’t give back… Idol provides a vehicle for us to donate our money to help charitable organizations. They use their influence to get the show’s sponsors to pony up more dough than they normally do to help guilt us into giving. I don’t have anything against the concept of them having a telethon; I just have a problem with the name. Idol Gives Back is just a poor choice of words, and yes though I may criticize I can’t offer a better alternative (accept maybe Idol Aid or Idol Helps Out). I only hope that their celebrity guests don’t participate in another sad and pathetic dance video.

In preparing for this week’s column I had to embark on a little research. I saw that ABC has both Samantha Who? and Desperate Housewives returning this week. I don’t remember a single thing that has happened on Desperate Housewives (except that Nathan Fillion seems to have left the show after the tornado) and I had never seen Samantha Who? so I did what any reasonable critic would do; I spent my entire Sunday sitting on my butt having a Samantha Who? marathon courtesy of abc.com. The concept behind the show is that the star, Christina Applegate, plays Samantha who wakes up from a coma with amnesia. To her horror she discovers that she wasn’t a nice person (at all) and seeks to be a better person with her new clean slate. The concept is actually very entertaining, the writing is good, the acting is decent and it is a sitcom that makes me feel a lot cleaner then after watching an episode of Two and a Half Men.

I can also say that I was very pleased with the return of Battlestar Galactica. Not a lot was explained, but what they did give us was interesting. Starbuck returned seemingly back from the dead with a brand new Viper identical to her old one, complete with vacation pictures of Earth. Right now I’ve got that same feeling I get when I’m in a roller coaster and we’re clicking our way up at the beginning of one hell of a ride.

Now that my blathering has gone by, here’s some stuff you might want to watch over the next seven days.

MONDAY

CBS – Check Local Time: If I have to tell you to watch the NCAA Tournament than you probably aren’t going to watch the NCAA Tournament.

ABC – 9:30 PM: Tonight is the aforementioned return of Samantha Who? If only it weren’t wedged in between Dancing with the Stars and The Bachelor.

NBC – 10:00 PM: Again I throw up the stunt casting alert because tonight Rosanna Arquette will be guest starring with real life sister Patricia on tonight’s Medium.

TUESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: American Idol‘s finalists will be singing inspirational music tonight. What, they peaked with guest singers last week with Dolly Parton?!?!

NBC – 8:00 PM: I have to admit that I am hopelessly addicted to The Biggest Loser and tonight they are going to be kicking off the final person before the big finale. The evil part? They don’t get their trainers, they are on their own. Next week you won’t be able to shut me up about the finale. Sorry in advance.

CBS – 10:00 PM: Secret Talents of the Stars is my must watch of the night. Why? Four words people: Mr. Sulu Sings Country! Oh my!

WEDNESDAY

FOX – 7:30 PM: The show that is so big prime time can’t contain it, Idol Gives Back promises to steal 2 hours and thirty minutes of your life, plus some of your money. I’m not even going to try to recommend anything else because, let’s face it, the other channels aren’t even trying to counter program against this beast.

THURSDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: Desperate Housewives is desperate to get us caught up on what happened prior to the writer’s strike.

NBC – 8:00 – 10:00 PM: Thursday night sitcom Nirvana is back in full effect with My Name is Earl, 30 Rock, The Office, and Scrubs. 30 Rock is the one I’m most looking forward to. Why? Two words: MILF Island.

FRIDAY

NBC – 9:00 PM: The Miss USA pageant airs tonight, and it is hosted by Donnie and Marie Osmond. Here is hoping Marie passes out again to liven this up.

AMC – 10:00 PM: Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Something D-O-O economics… anyone? Anyone?

SCIFI – 10:00 PM: OK, I’m not sure what the hell is going on with Battlestar Galactica but this week I’m sure we’ll get more of Starbuck’s mental Earth Radar driving her crazy and it looks like the Cylons are going to have issue with the Final Five being on the human fleet. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Watch this before you tune in.

SATURDAY

CBS – 8:00 PM: The Lord’s Boot Camp follows three young women training to become Christian missionaries. The title alone makes it a recommended show.

SPIKE – 8:00 PM: My favorite of the Star Wars films airs tonight. Travel with me to the Dagobah system in The Empire Strikes Back.

SUNDAY

ABC – 9:00 PM: As mentioned above, the girls of Wisteria Lane are back with the return of Desperate Housewives. Hopefully tonight we finally get some dirt on Dana Delaney’s character Katherine. They’ve got to give something big after this big of a break.

TMC – 8:00 PM: Span a decade with me as The Movie Channel shows Clerks and Clerks II back to back. I’m a sucker for related double features, and I’m also a sucker for these flicks.

– Will Wilkins knows who the fifth Cylon is, but he’s not telling.

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