Well it’s Oscar night… again. In past websites and incarnations of my bull I’ve done a recap of the show after the fact but this year I thought maybe I’d try something new, a “live” recap blog. Yes, I’ll do my best to articulate my thoughts as they come to me. This will likely be boring as all get out, but you knew that was a possibility when you started reading something written by me, right? It’s on YOU!
5:27 PM PT – The pre-show is just ending and America’s new favorite old fart Regis (sorry Andy Rooney) is in the front row pointing out celebrities he recognizes including “Xavier” Bardem seated right next to Jack Nicholson. Jack has courtside seats to Lakers games and the Oscars every year it seems. Also of note, I missed all the fashion reporting. YAY ME!
5:30 PM PT – And the show begins… with about the oddest opening I’ve seen yet. What appears to be a UPS trucks races through “Hollywood” dodging a variety of “classic” characters. Um… huh?
5:32 PM PT – Jon Stewart emerges from a tube. “Tonight, welcome to the makeup sex!”
5:34 PM PT- Stewart is really in his element. Referring to the number of bleak characters and films nominated this year: “Does this town need a hug?” “All I can say is thank God for teen pregnancy.”
5:41 PM PT – Jennifer Garner strolls out to present the first award of the night: Best Costume Design. My pick: La Vie En Rose. The winner: Elizabeth – The Golden Age. 0 for 1. Crap. I mean, yay for the women in the funky glasses who gave a 3 second acceptance speech. That was classy.
5:47 PM PT – George Clooney is so cool he doesn’t ever need ice cubes in his drinks. Okay that was dumb, but now he’s on stage to present a 80 years of Oscar retrospective montage. Retrospective pieces like this are usually my favorite part of the show but I gotta say, this one sucks. It’s an absolute mess. I mean editing it to “My Heart Will Go On?” C’mon. Some nice moments but really not well thought out.
5:51 PM PT – Anne Hathaway (hubba) and Steve Carrell (stars of the upcoming Get Smart movie, hence the theme music) arrive to present the award for Best Animated Feature. My Pick: Ratatouille. Winner: Ratatouille. HA! 1 for 2. Brad Bird really does look a bit like a bird. Nice acceptance speech though.
5:56 PM PT – Katherine Heigl (hubba) is out to… I’m sorry lost my concentration… Where was I? Oh right, she’s there to present the award for Best Makeup. My Pick: La Vie En Rose. Winner: La Vie En Rose. Don’t call it a come back, I’ve been here for 30 minutes. I’m now 2 for 3. Wait! Why did Katherine have to leave the frame?! Come back!
5:59 PM PT – “Happy Working Song” song by Amy Adams. I love Amy Adams, but I’ll never understand having musical and dance numbers at the Oscars. Why is she on stage all by herself?
6:06 PM PT – Stewart: “Welcome back to the 80th Academy Awards. In case you’re wondering what we all do here during the commercial break, mostly we just sit around making catty remarks about the outfits you’re all wearing at home.”
6:07 PM PT – Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson presents for Best Visual Effects. My pick: Transformers. Winner: The Golden Compass. 2 for 4. First time winners, interesting. One of the winners reads a quote from Walt Disney: “It’s kinda fun to do the impossible.” Indeed.
6:10 PM PT – Cate Blanchett arrives to present the award for Achievement in Art Direction. My pick: Sweeney Todd. Winner: Sweeney Todd. 3 for 5. Okay, I’m back over 50%, there’s hope for me yet.
6:13 PM PT – A retrospective montage on the Best Supporting Actor award.
6:15 PM PT – Jennifer Hudson comes out to present the award for Best Supporting Actor (didn’t see that one coming). Really strong field this year. My pick: Javier Bardem for No Country for Old Men. Winner: Javier Bardem. 4 for 6! No big surprise, Javier was the odds on favorite. Classy acceptance speech. Right about now Regis is going, “Javier?! What’d I say?”
6:23 PM PT – Oscar’s salute to binoculars and periscopes. Kinda funny, kinda stupid. “Bad Dreams: An Oscar Salute.” Funnier.
6:24 PM PT – Keri Russell (who was fantastic in “Waitress”) introduces the nominee for Best Original Song, “Raise It Up” from August Rush in which she starred.
6:28 PM PT – Owen Wilson arrives to present the award for Best Live Action Short Film. My pick: The Tonto Woman. Winner: Le Mozart Des Pickpockets. 4 for 7. I had no shot really, that clip from The Tonto Woman looked terrible.
6:31 PM PT – Jerry Seinfeld’s bee from Bee Movie (a film that was not nominated) presents a short clip on bees in cinema. Kinda cute, kinda stupid. The bee also presents the award for Best Animated Short Film. My pick: Peter & The Wolf. I’m in real trouble here. Winner: Peter & The Wolf. HA! 5 for 8. Totally pulled that one out of my ass.
6:34 PM PT – A retrospective on Best Supporting Actress. Now, these are retrospectives are on the winners receiving the award and no footage of the performances that won them the award. I guess this year it’s all about remembering the award and not the work.
6:35 PM PT- Alan Arkin comes out to present the award. My pick: Cate Blanchett for I’m Not There. Winner: Tilda Swinton for Michael Clayton. Wow, first surprise of the night? She was great in Michael Clayton. Of course, now I’m 5 for 9. This is payback for Peter & The Wolf.
6:40 PM PT – Sidney Poitier reflects on the experience of winning an Academy Award. Now that was kinda cool. Not amazing, but at least somewhat interesting. So far these retrospectives are really terrible. I’m not impressed by any of them.
6:44 PM PT – Pregnant Jessica Alba comes out to talk about the Nerd Oscars (I mean the Scientific and Technical Awards). I wish they would televise those awards.
6:45 PM PT – Josh Brolin and James McAvoy present the award for Best Adapted Screenplay. Seems a bit of a conflict of to have Brolin up there given that No Country For Old Men is nominated. Brolin and Nicholson joke about Brolin’s terrible Nicholson impression. When in trouble, bounce a joke off of Jack. I suppose that’s really why he sits in the front row. On to the award. My Pick: No Country For Old Men. Winner: No Country For Old Men. 6 for 10. Back in the saddle again…
6:50 PM PT – Finally! Something interesting! A short, behind the scenes piece about the nomination and award process. This is actually kinda funny and informative! And Michael Bay’s only chance of getting on the show!
6:52 PM PT – Miley Cyrus comes out to introduce the 3rd nominated song, “That’s How You Know” from Enchanted. Bathroom break time!
7:00 PM PT – “And the baby goes to…” Jon Stewart is on fire.
7:01 PM PT – Dame Judi Densch and Halle Berry – oh wait it’s actually Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen riffing on who’s gives off a more Halle Berry vibe. Funny. The award is for Best Sound Editing. My Pick: Ratatouille. Winner: The Bourne Ultimatum. 6 for 11. I really suck at this. I mean I’m amazingly bad. It’s only dumb luck I got 6 right. My two year old niece could do a better job of picking winners than me at this point.
7:05 PM PT – Rogen and Hill back at it again. The award is Achievement in Sound Mixing. My pick: Transformers. Winner: The Bourne Ultimatum. 6 for 12. Man, it’s like Jason Bourne came into my living room and kicked me in the balls.
7:08 PM PT – Best Actress winners montage. Guess what’s coming next!!!
7:09 PM PT – Forrest Whitaker presents the award for Best Actress. My pick: Ellen Page for Juno. I’m sorry Ellen, at the rate I’m going, it’s not looking good for you. Winner: Marion Cotillard for La Vie En Rose. Come here Ellen, let me console you (she doesn’t look that upset, actually). I’m now 6 for 13, including missing the past 3 winners.
7:18 PM PT – Back from commercials and Jon Stewart playing Wii on the big screen. Hysterical. Colin Farrell comes out to introduce the 4th nominated song, “Falling Slowly” from Once (this was my pick, by the way. So it clearly hasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell.) This is a beautiful song, I’m off to iTunes.
7:22 PM PT – Jack Nicholson earns his seat by presenting a retrospective on the Best Picture winners. Wow, I can’t believe they ran through them all. This might be the best montage of the night. Is it just me or do the winners from the last 10 years or so been less than memorable?
7:28 PM PT – Renee Zellweger presents the award for Best Editing. My pick (sigh): No Country For Old Men. Winner: The Bourne Ultimatum (third win). I’m an embarrassing 6 for 14.
7:31 PM PT – Nicole Kidman presents an honorary award to legendary production designer Robert Boyle (who is 98!!!). He was 18 when the Oscars started. This guy has done some amazing work. While I’m quite familiar with the films he’s worked on, I’m embarrassed to say I had no idea it was him.
7:35 PM PT – Sharp as a tack, Robert Boyle comes out to a standing ovation: “That’s the great part about getting old. I don’t recommend the other part.” Ha! This is my favorite moment of the night.
7:42 PM PT – Penelope Cruz presents the award for Best Foreign Language Film. My pick (and sure loser): The Counterfeiters. Winner: The Counterfeiters. Well okay I’m now 7 for 15 but that’s a pick I stole from Entertainment Weekly. I mean I’ll take it but I’m not proud of it.
7:44 PM PT – Patrick Dempsey introduces the 5th nominated song, “So Close” from Enchanted. Another bathroom break!
7:48 PM PT – John Travolta hams his way on to the stage so he can present the winner for Best Original Song. My Pick: “Falling Slowly” from Once. Winner: “Falling Slowly”. Fantastic. 8 for 16 and I’m back at .500. It’s a beautiful song (update from iTunes, it’s not available by itself, you have to spend $10 for the whole album… which is probably a good idea). The orchestra plays before Market Irglova can give her thanks.
7:56 PM PT – After the break, Jon Stewart brings Marketa Irglova back on stage to say her thank yous, which she didn’t get to do before due to time constraints. Wow, classy moment and an awards first. And she fucking NAILS it.
7:58 PM PT – “Our next presenter is talented and beautiful. Apparently that’s what it takes to get ahead in this town”. Cameron Diaz presents the award for Best Cinematography. Will my streak continue?! My pick: Robert Elswitt for There Will Be Blood. Winner Robert Elswitt for There Will Be Blood. Someone must’ve cued the rally monkey! I’ve snagged the last 3 and stand at 9 for 17.
8:01 PM PT – Hillary Swank introduces the In Memoriam montage. This year they added the dates (February 1st 2007 to January 31st 2008). The house remains dark and silent as ABC cuts to a goofy GMC commercial.
8:08 PM PT – Amy Adams presents the award for Best Original Score. My pick: Dario Marianelli for Atonement. Winner: Dario Marianelli for Atonement. I am, dare I say, en fuego. 4 in a row and now standing at 10 for 18.
8:11 PM PT – Tom Hanks introduces six soldiers live from Baghdad who present the award for Best Documentary (Short Subject). My pick: Salim Baba. Winner: Freeheld. I got cocky and fate struck me down. Now 10 for 19.
8:15 PM PT – Tom Hanks presents the award for Best Documentary Feature. My pick: No End In Sight. Winner: Taxi to the Dark Side. I’m shocked (and now 10 for 20). I’m really surprised by this as No End in Sight was an amazing film (forget documentary) and Taxi To The Dark Side is a goofy title. But admittedly I’ve never seen and now I’ll have to check it out.
8:19 PM PT - Only four awards left as the show approaches the 3 hour mark. You know the real reason the awards show is often so long? The 5 minute commercial breaks.
8:23 PM PT – (4 minutes later!) Harrison Ford arrives to present the award for Best Original Screenplay. My Pick: Diablo Cody for Juno. Winner: Diablo Cody. 11 for 21. (be humble, be humble, be humble). Diablo Cody gives a very touching acceptance speech.
8:26 PM PT - ANOTHER COMMERCIAL! 4 minutes of commercial. 3 minutes of show.
8:29 PM PT – Montage of Best Actor award presentations. Let me guess what’s comin’ up…
8:30 PM PT – The always classy Helen Mirren presents the award for Best Actor. My pick (and virtually everyone else’s): Daniel Day-Lewis for There Will Be Blood. Winner: Daniel Day-Lewis. Day-Lewis bows before Helen Mirren. For those still keeping score, I’m at 12 for 22.
8:40 PM PT – Montage of Best Director award presentations.
8:42 PM PT – The great Martin Scorsese presents the award for Best Director. My pick: Joel & Ethan Coen for No Country For Old Men. Winner: Joel & Ethan Coen. 13 for 23.
8:44 PM PT – Denzel Washington presents the 80th award for Best Picture. My pick: No Country For Old Men. Winner: No Country For Old Men. I finish the night 14 for 24. Terrible.
Well that about wraps it up. I thought Jon Stewart did a phenomenal job as host but many of the montages and additional pieces seemed rushed, whether that be because of the limited time frame provided by the writer’s strike or poor production overall I don’t know.
Thanks again for reading my bull.
-Brett Deacon was voted least likely to win an Academy Award in high school, but was in fact voted most likely to write an Oscar blog, a good 10 years before anyone knew what a blog was
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