Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• Talk show host, book pimp, and OG, Oprah Winfrey, is apparently upset by a book being penned by her father, Vernon Winfrey.  The subject of the book? Oprah Winfrey.  While not citing the specifics of her displeasure, sources close to Oprah say that she is most upset by the chapters “Born with a Weiner,” “Things I Put In Her Caboose,” “More Oprah Fat Jokes, Part 9” and “Did I Mention That She Was Born with a Wiener?”

• The Grateful Dead is getting its own radio station on Sirius satellite radio. The station will pull from the band’s entire catalog as well as music from the surviving members’ other projects. To help increase listenership of the new station, Sirius plans on sending out bags of high-quality marijuana to each new subscriber because, according to a Sirius programming chief, “no one can listen to that shit without it.”

• Michael Jackson is being paid £5 million to show up at a birthday party for HRH Prince Azim of Brunei. Despite the rather large sum of money paid to Jackson, the singer will not be performing during the party. Jackson decided to “not even really try to impress anyone” after he realized that the Prince was celebrating his 25th birthday.

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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