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Happy New Year, QuickStoppers, and welcome back to the new and improved edition of Music for the Masses. That’s right, friends, you read that correctly. New AND improved.

You see, I have decided to change things up here a bit, going forward, to help streamline the column and keep the focus squarly where it belongs… the music. Now, don’t go getting all excited like Lindsay Lohan ordering another vodka drink at an “open bar,” I’m not changing things up a whole bunch. Just “some.” For instance, all of the non-sequitor bullshit that usually starts the column? You know, the same “jokey” shit that drives some of you crazier than Mel Gibson with a belly full of Patron? The same shit you are reading now? Gone. Yep, going forward, you ain’t gonna see this no more. This is the last time and, honestly, the only reason you’re seeing it now is because I wasn’t going to write up the only new release of note this week, Carly “Why So Long In The Face?” Simon’s Into White, and I have space to fill. But seriously, if you’re tuning into this column to catch a review of music that your parents fuck to, you REALLY are in the wrong place.

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Carly Simon playing chess with some dude…

That’s right, friends, we are going to start focusing solely on the music and we are going to start doing it weekly. Serious as a lump on a fat man’s tit. Once a week. No more bi-weekly dick and fart jokes for you my friends. You deserve better. You deserve dick and fart jokes EVERY week and finally, FINALLY, you’re going to get them. “Breathe deep the gathering gloom…”

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You can also kiss the “Bastard Love Child Of…” comparisons goodbye. No real reason here… just thought it would be fun to change the description of the music to the more simplified “Sounds Like?” For instance, using the above-mentioned Carly Simon album as an example, I would say that her new album “Sounds Like?”… well, it sounds like your parents fucking. Umm… so I’ve heard. Through the wall of that Motel Six in Salida. But I digress.

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I am also going to start incorporating more concert reviews - which I have done sporadically in the past - and some actual, artist interviews. No shit. Oh yeah, and I am also going to hit you - like Jackson Browne, only not in the face - with the occasional podcast. And joining me on these occasional (read: whenever the hell I feel like it) podcasts will be Double A, the “rap guy” from this here column, and QSE News guru J. Allen. I’m pretty sure this is one of the signs of the apocalypse, right behind “raining frogs” and an “underwear-less Brittany,” but I’ll let you judge for yourself. Here is a taste of what you can expect…

[CONTENT WARNING]: This podcast, much like the column you have been reading, contains foul language, horribly off-color jokes and multiple, inexplicable usages of the word “va-jay.” Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

DOWNLOAD: (right click to save)
Music For The Masses: Episode 1 (MP3 format) – 7.75 MB

Kinda like listening to three 9-year-olds with a tape recorder, huh? By the way, I’d like to thank the “real man” stunt voices for filling in there. Nice work, guys!! Double A will pay each and every one of you with a special “mouth hug” and “pickle tickle.” And, on the off-chance you are actually wondering, future podcasts WILL focus on “real” reviews of new music, so you can consider this first one as a simple “test of the system,” so to speak… just in case you’re sitting there going “What the fu…?” Oh yeah, lest I forget, I’m going to change my rating system (which is, believe it or not, actually serious) to something a bit more “graphically interesting,” continue to pimp unsigned bands whenever the opportunity arises and, perhaps most importantly to some, post the upcoming music releases for your shopping pleasure. Eww… that reminds me… coming up next week, we have the following:

Artist Title Genre
A New Dawn Fades I See The Night Birds Rock/Pop
Alexis Gideon Welcome Song Alternative
Big C**k Year of the Cock Rock/Pop
Blue Six Tropicalia Dance
Boils, The The Orange And The Black Rock/Pop
Chow Nasty Ungawa….The Party StartsRight F**king Now EP Rock/Pop
Complicated Shirt Compromising Compostions Rock/Pop
Cosmic Gate Earth Mover Dance
Das Oath Das Oath Punk
GRATEFUL DEAD Live At The Cow Palace: New Years Eve 1976 (3CD) Rock
Great White Recover - Deluxe Edition Rock/Pop
Greene,Heather Five Dollar Dress Rock/Pop
Hatepinks, The Tete Malade/ Sick In The Head Rock/Pop
Hinder Tribute Uninhibited: The String Quartet Tribute to Hinder Rock/Pop
Holy Molar Cavity Search EP Rock/Pop
John Waite DOWNTOWN…Journey Of A Heart Pop
Lil C H-Town Chronic [Deluxe Edition] Rap
Love Kills Theory, The Happy Suicide, Jim! Rock/Pop
Magic Lantern, The The Magic Lantern CD EP Rock/Pop
Marco V Live At Innercity Dance
Mercury Rev Back To Mine Rock/Pop
Mr. Lil One Browner Than Pride Rap
OG Ron C F Action 46 Rap
P.F. Sloan Measure of Pleasure Rock/Pop
Patriarch Son Of A Refugee Rap
Popo, The The Popo Rock/Pop
POWND Circle of Power Rock/Pop
Questions In Dialect The Ghost Wishes To Speak ToYou CD EP Rock/Pop
Ron Sexsmith Time Being Rock
Self Against City Teling Secrets To Strangers Rock
Sloan Never Hear The End Of It Rock/Pop
Soporus Atomove Elektrarne CD EP Rock/Pop
Superpumas Muscles Electronica
Ultramagnetic MC’s The Best Kept Secret Rap
Woss Ness Bangin Screw 2000 Rap


Good stuff… umm, maybe. So, there you have it folks. The new AND improved “Music for the Masses. ” What do you think? Huh? Maybe? Well, anyway, thanks again for reading and we’ll see you next week with some actual music reviews.Peace.

Send pictures of your “va-jay,” assorted hate mail and review copies to:

M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR

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